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moomoof · 6 years

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Stop it.

I was friends with this person for almost 2 years and it the last few months it turned into a toxic relationship.

We used to do hangouts and talk about issues we cared about on his channel but i found myself not being comfortable with some of the topics

but if i ever voiced i didn’t want to do the show he would keep pushing the issue and i was weak to put a stop to it.

That’s not to say i didn’t enjoy the shows cause i did buti didn’t want ot do them all the time .

The problems started with our view points really

I personally feel like he hid his real views out of fear of being abandoned or maybe he just posed as a liberal to ge friends who knows this is all speculation on my part after thoughts .

This post is just to let out all my angst and frustration.

I didn’t handle the last encounter withh im well i should’ve just said what i wanted and left i hoped he would understand but what scared me was his reactions again i wanted out of his show at least for a little bit

i would suggest he find other ppl he would pick up on the hints ...

i was going though a rough patch with my health and i had no energy what’s so ever i didn’t want to disappoint him so

..i told him straight up i couldn’t do it to get our mutual friend and o it with him he seemed annoyed at least in text

i didn’t speak with him directly then i saw the show live with our friend and ..

his reaction to my illness was annoyance he was like she’s off ill or

whatever the hell hshe has with the biggest eye rool i ever seen

...and then even if i told him multiple times

i was ill i did'nt want to talk he tried to force me by calling my hangout

...and he was rude to our friend cause i suspect he was jealous of our friend or annoyed

that our friend was trying out his own show i don’t think my friend picked up on this

He lied about how his old friends broke up with him

Of course i believed him ....well actually no for a while now i wasn't believing him cause he lied or omitted things i found them out on my own.

That's the heart of the issue it was a slow crawl but i woke up and wasn't going to be used by him.

Like i was saying i was sick he didn't care i told him i can really do this show cause i have things to do or i honestly didn't want to i told him that once but... a disturbing patterned emerged with him. No matter what i said or did he would act like i didn't say it and want his way. In the long run i got anxious around him any time i had an opinion he will shoot it down i couldn't express myself on my twitter feed without him screaming at me and somehow making me feel dumb.

I told him on many occasions i was emotionally abused and physically abused nothing. He of course said he was there for me to chat but i don't like talking about that stuff to ppl. But i suspect it was an empty gesture put there to pretend to be a good friend but in the end he wanted just a person to speak to cause he had issues but also he would use those issues against you. one year ago he said something awful or something like that and i disagreed true i got heated he screamed when that didn't work then he play oop i'm anxious card that then played with others and me for ever more.

He had to be right all the time. He had that stupid internet idea that if you don't have evidence of what you are speaking then you are wrong! or shut up even tho i never really went to his feed after a while cause i was tired of arguing.

He enjoyed arguing.

Then the big event that woke me up.

We were arguing about jill stien or third party voters actually i was talking about it on my feed and he shoved his opinion in my face....

yelled at me then i tried to be funny and say get with the program! with the clapping emojis

He flipped a switch and said i was stupid by saying oh you think i'm dumb? really? ok then your writing skills are mediocre at best or worse actually. (yes i am aware my writing is terrible) but a personal attack like that for no reason hit me hard.

He just...went to that , that's what he thought about me ...i suposedly let go but it churned for days i have very low selfesteem it took me years to get out of a dark head space. He knocked me down. He hates everything i am cause i do agree with him. That was my head space the next few days i wrote warnings but didn't name him. 3 changes and then i block you don't care you are my friend if you hurt me and put me in a dark space i am cutting you off. He got weirder with me hostile almost after then we butted heads and we airred things but i somehow had an inkling it wasn't safe to talk in the dms i talked in public ...it was weird i suggested we should take a break i wanted it so badly....he said no... and i caved and went back to the same shit different day. Then the last draw happened

I hate susan sarandon's white feminism i fucking hate it i hate her i hate that she cares three fucks about what she created

He has this weird white knighty behavior that he will attack you for talking shit about his favorite ppl.

He also probably felt personally attacked he thinks i somehow am talking about him all time.

We got heated i was already tired of his shit i started to withdraw from our supposed friendship. Then he did it...he attacked my identiy aka my puerto rican ness and added hillary to it he later deleted it. So he can claim he didn't know what he did to cause my silence but more on that later. He knew that after Maria the hurricane i lost family i wasn't connected to the for weeks i had to worry aobut their well being for months without being able to do nothing ...i was a wreck for months he knew i told him, it was on his show too ( he since deleted all of them GOOD!) I did not deserve this more over i had a very hard anniversary coming up as well not to mention it was september ( still is) i lost my cousin and everythign that i knew as my world this month and it was Maria's anniversary. He just threw it in my fave he used my pain to win a stupid internet argument. I decided to ignore him for a week or so until i can figure out what to do with him, talk to him again, stop talking to him so often but still be friends or completely run away in fear.

I could not speak to him it hurt it really hurt he used my pain against me i could not trust him....and the silent treatment happened.

The next day he acted like nothing happened and asked me if i was ready to talk about gay muppets like nothing happened ( the whole bert and ernie incident) that scared me ....he acted like everything was ok ...it wasn't it could be clear for anyone that it wasn't...

i muted his feed and muted him but twitter doesn't understand that maybe ppl want not to get notification from a follower or person you are following for a bit...

He kept liking my stuff in the hopes i would be happy? this is speculation on my part...

He commented on my posts to see if i would bite.

i ignored him hoping he would get it i muted hangouts cause i feared he might call

i had growing fear my heart would race thinking he was there replying liking and dming me...

This might sound dumb but ...it isn't it is harassment...

His former friends mentioned this he would use his second account to spy on them months after the fact they blocked and left him behind..that should've warned me.

He would mention them a lot. Like i said earlier i believed them but i didnt let on to him that i suspected something happened...at first i thought well they should've told him why and then block him and during the a conversation he did something and they didn't likee it's normal ...let it go ..in my head... i nodged him to write it out and let it go in a nicer way.

But he was controlling i saw it when he hated when friends posted somethign he would scream about it...

They mentioned that they felt free from his smug behavior that he would not value their opionions and then later one of his ex friends said it wasn't the change the channel movement but the how he held certain views on gamer gate..when i voiced my own he screamed at me cause he felt like he knew better and how dare you think otherwise!

He would go into these rage fits over this topic, if you didn't agree with him , eye roll

condescenion and disdain. This was the topic which lied about and the ppl he lied about or omitted it cause if he didn't he could push his narrative which was that gamer gate was a good movement ...by ignoring all the misogyny and abusive behavior cause he hated ppl on the attacked side. He hated that todd in the shadows blocked him for saying awful things about his friend. He kept on and on about that...like it was a bad thing...

He believed a group of rapey men that wanted a transgender woman to die and claimed she raped her sister... i will not go further into this.

I put my feelings on that forward he would probably be annoyed in his head about it..whatever.

He hated lindsay ellis cause she liked the tweet that told him off for harassing todd and his friend..

Sorry to his ex friends for my words about them cause i believed him for the most part and i did care about him i wanted ot make him feel better.

i was wrong i fed a monster.

I wanted a week of peace away from him ...didn't happen he kept on and kept on ...he even got our mutual friend involved and lied .... he lied he said to him oh she's angry at me cause i don't know i did something wrong i am worried about her ...she's sad about stuff and the world is a bad place blah blah making me sound like the problem...

remember our mutual friend can't really pick up on these things

He asked i just told him not to be dragged into this cause i was pissed off

then i said it was nothing i was fine. and i moved on and ignored him some more...

He kept going ...

Then finally he did th final final thing and made up my mind for me.

He tried to guilt trip me into being his friend again or even to talk to him it scared me ...i blocked him completely on everything

he said you are hurting...me

me?! i hurt him what? he hurt me he didn't care and he dares to accuse me of something i never did so he can look like victim yet again!

That pissed the shit outta me i got tired of his toxic domineering personality

He wanted to control you by making you feel bad about challeging him on his views about having my own views for breathing for not wanting to do the thing he wanted on the day he wanted ...

him not caring about my illness really hurt me... he hurt me and i still have the anxeity and have it in my head his words ....i want it gone...so i wrote this to stop it!

He was not worth it...he's a bad person toxic it's not your fault...

I reached out to one of his ex friends i needed reasurance ...i needed to know i wasn't crazy and seeing something that wasn't there ....now its over i want never to ever see him or talk to him again.

I recount times were he said awful things like ugh when my face showed up on the hangouts ...like my face is ugly...

i took pictures he would say geez or something like that ignored it..

he laughed at my lack of furniture or equipment..to do audio work...

He even got super hostile with me when our mutual was with us...cause i didn't agree with him ...

I wrote a memorial for my cousin and he sullied it by commenting on it moments after he hurt me like a psycho...

Now i know why he kept trying to bring up his friends cause i interacted with mutuals he wanted to know if they told me about him...and for weeks i struggled to find out by asking them but i never did...

He is disturbed i am stupid for allowing it to continue to this point i don't know how far he would've taken it but my psyche could not take it anymore...

He even made fun of my drinking

it was a terrible idea to engage with him but i honestly thought he was a someone else like a person i watched turned out he wasn't he was using an account to get ppl to like him then he change later i guess...

Maybe i'm wrong maybe he isn't all bad just immature but i don't care he scares me and hurt me...sorry for this post but i need it out of me

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keiccu · 3 years

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i hate talking to all of you i hate replying i hate having to engage in conversations shut up shut up shut up go away already

if you arent my friends i wouldve snapped at you already but for the sake of etiquette and basic human decency im being nice. but i wish you would just go away. what do u even gain from talking to me anyway im so tired of feigning interest in you getting into badminton or playing a video game i cant afford.and stop asking me about things about me i dont want you to know me if you arent my best friend go the fuck away!!!!

i think it’s very unfortunate that there isnt a single interesting thing about me and if there is i just dont get it. also im the only one allowed to say that and if anyone else says im not interesting im ripping their head off. fucked up to have this whole god complex inferiority complex fuckery it’s just so

everything is so fucking annoying!!! i hate being alone i love being alone im pathetic im too good im nothing im everything i hate people i love people i cant stand being around them i believe in humanity i want destruction for us all i believe in every single one of you

is this normal?? if it wasnt i wish there was somethign i could do about it just like all the other 375732 problems i have out of my control, and if it IS normal then god please why do i feel like im all alone dealing with this

i hate myself i love myself i want to kill people i want to kill myself

it’s so fucking stupid. it’s so so stupid. i wish i was less forgetful i wish i was more forgetful. im so frustrated. it’s so pathetic

i feel like im constantly tearing apart. my mom gave me money for like 2 sessions and i texted a therapist i contacted last january and tried to schedule but i was so shdghds i dont know what was goign on in my head i was panicking so bad. he gave me his schedule for the week and i was like ‘im free all week but tuesday sounds good!’ bc tuesday was like 2 days away and then he asked me ‘well you said you’re free all week, so can’t we meet on monday?’ and then it was like being reprimanded or some shit i was so anxious and i ended up never replying to him. so i have to look for someone else ig but i havent found anyone yet and i keep forgetting

and then yesterday was payday but when i texted her she didnt reply and then i texted her again today and she said she was at a party. so the therapy money burned up and im hoping she still covers it in the next allowance

and on other grownup stuff i sent my request to enroll letter to the coordinator at school and then she forwarded it to a bigger guy for approval and it’s been sveeral days but she still hasnt gotten back to me and thinking about it makes me sick but im holding out and ill text her on monday

i actually love people and i actually love myself and i think people are all we have and all that shit but im just so drained and if i were to talk to people i wish it were the people i actually want to talk to like twinkl and not just stupid random people. stop trying to get to know me it wont fucking happen

im going back online i hope irya wouldnt message me again othrwise im gonna be so mad im just gonna ignore her

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