#so if i avtually told her how and why im annoyed im genuinely afraid id be putting her at risk

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Made two phone calls this afternoon. Hate phonecalls. One was neighbour who only wanted to ask smthn about the door but call ended up being 20 minutes. She kept adding things in even after I explained I hate phone calls.

Didn't take much in from it but made vague plans to talk abt volunteer group im looking to join that she's part of

Friend showed me an app that let's you buy food that's going to be thrown out from local stores very cheaply! I found somewhere within walking distance, big excite

Ask neighbour if she wants to come with, very excited to share

Realise after I book it the pickup time is a half hour window, immidiately before we'd been planning to meet (she has a group she runs)

I dont feel comfortable going to the group for Reasons I explained to her. I apologise for misreading the times and ask if she wants to meet later

Shes annoyed bc I apparently made Proper Official Plans to discuss Volunteer Work with her?? Over the phone? She made a spreadsheet????

I'm Big Stress

She says something about "we need to have a talk abt how this kind of thing affects my autism"

Suddenly I'm PISSED. I do nothing BUT think about that. How come you aren't doing the same for me??

Almost as soon as that thought forms, I immidiately shut down. Just. Completely. Like a switch flipped and all the irritation turned into Panic

Im fucking exhausted now and trying to find the energy to go amd get my fucking food, but. Preeeety sure my brain made the connection between "You fucked up" plus "your apologies and explanations don't matter" and dove headfirst into "OH LOOK, YOUR MOTHER IS TALKING TO YOU."

So that's fun.

Hnngnngn Okay interesting, mild disagreement with neighbour triggered ptsd shutdown

I need to go Out in 20 minutes