#so if formatting is ever strange thats probably why

[unicyclehippo]

one word prompt: lavender

i shouldve brought flowers right?? that would have been polite shit

oooooh it's THAT sort of dinner date

Irritation prickled at the back of Imogen's eyes. She closed them. Imagined irritation and the cruelty that followed it as a vile little bug, imagined plucking out of her brain and squishing it, crushing it in the fist she clenched tight at her side. She wiped her hand on her jeans and messaged Fearne back.

i dont think so, she said, entirely sincere. Laudna was truly unlike anyone she had ever met before, in a way Imogen didn't have the words for. She could say the woman was kind - but Orym was kind, so that wasn't what set her apart. She could say the woman was clever and beautiful - but Fearne was those things as well, and Imogen didn't feel this way about Fearne. Imogen thought that the truth might be very simple - whatever was different about Laudna was different in Imogen as well. Some lonely part of her mind that she had ignored forever was suddenly loud - and she liked it. She liked what it said, how it talked. She liked being able to hear her own thoughts after a lifetime being bombarded with everyone else's. So no, it wasn't a date. Not the way Fearne was suggesting. It was just that Laudna - Doctor Bradbury - was kind and clever and beautiful and she listened to Imogen so intently that Imogen could finally hear herself and someone like that deserved flowers.

She didn't tell Fearne that, of course.

are you at her place yet?

not yet. close, maybe five mins? why? gonna dotdash me a bunch?

no silly just look for a garden its free cant be assed to find the meme but just know. itsfreerealestate.meme

i dont think thats a real image format

no it is

ok.

plus!! it's sooo romantic to give a girl just one flower it tells her that she's Singular & beautiful

it tells her that you plucked it out of some random person's yard.

and you did that just for Her c'est tres romantique

so if someone turned up on Your doorstep with one flower they yanked outta someones yard you'd fall head over heels for them

There was a strangely long pause before Fearne replied to Imogen's teasing. When the reply finally came, it was heavy with amusement.

i thought you said it wasn't like that

Imogen scowled down at her phone. She could practically see the coy upturn of Fearne's lip, the mischievous sparkle in her eye like she knew the punchline to the joke life was playing on you and found it funny too.

The screen of her phone went blank and black. In the reflection, she saw her own face - the scowl, the permanent frown creasing between her brows, and somehting new. A hint of colour in her cheeks. It was easier to look into the dull reflection than it had been at Fearne's apartment. Her apartment was so bright. There had been no way to avoid seeing herself, to avoid that pang of discomfort - of irritation. But her phone screen was smudged from handling and the dim light of the train and it was small enough that it couldn't show all her face at once. Imogen tilted it so all she could see was the new spots of colour high on her cheeks.

It wasn't a dinner date. She knew that for sure.

Did she want it to be?

Her phone screen lit up. Despite herself, Imogen smirked down at Fearne's message.

i want a full debrief when u get home ESPECIALLY if u end up "debriefing"

//

It was a short stroll from the train station to Laudna's apartment. The hill was steep but it was worth the climb when Imogen turned back to face the way she'd come, hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath, and saw the view. The sky was dull and grey, clouds packed tight together like thin sardines. In between, there were tiny streaks of blue but they were disappearing even as Imogen watched. The sea, though. The sea was wild. They probably didn't have long before the wind that was whipping it into a frenzy hit Emon, bringing with it a decent storm front if she had to guess, but Imogen wasn't afraid; it was awe that held her still. For a moment, she wasn't Doctor Imogen Temult, modern-day archaologist - she was Imogen, a woman standing on the cliffs, watching the churning of the waves and seeing a goddess, her fury, in that power. Stampedes of seafoam horses thundered ahead of the blue-black waves that bore them up onto the rocky shoreline. Ships began to hurry back to the port, appearing and disappearing between the climbing, curling waves. It was reassuring, in a way. Imogen hitched a smile, felt a little of her tension fade. No matter how badly the night went, she had her feet planted solidly on the ground.

Imogen turned and kept walking. The wind began to pick up. A fluttering of purple caught her attention - a different colour to her hair - and she turned to see two large grey-green lavender bushes, shivering in the worsening wind. Imogen stepped toward them and from her belt she took her pocket knife and snipped a few of the flowers, the perfect ones. She tucked them carefully beneath her jacket and hurried past the last few remaining houses that kept her from Laudna.

The gate creaked.

A little ache throbbed behind her eye. This was stupid. The flowers. She shouldn't have taken them.

Imogen dragged in a deep breath. Planted her feet. And knocked on Laudna's door.

[lowcallyfruity]

you should tell me some things about sebepel like headcannons!! If it’s not a bother of an ask, I’d like to know the ship more :3

HIII ANON HIII OMG I GOT THIS ASK AND STARTED GOING INSANE I LOVE SEBEPEL ARHFHFHFHFFBFBFB

UM!!! So!!! Me personally!!! If you want some Sebepel content Epels school uniform vignette is a good place to start!! It’s soooo cute <3 like EEKSIES <3 it drives me insane when I read it be because it’s SO sweet and ARYRUFFHFHHFHFUFUFH. then there’s the Harveston event!!! It’s Sebepel central!!! GRGRGRGRGR they’re so cute in the event!!!

OKAY. So. I’m probably gonna post my sebepel hcs tommorow or like. In the next few days (I just need to figure out how to format it) BUT ILL GIVE YOU SOME OF MY HCS FROM IT TEEHEE <3333

Sebek calls Epel by his name often instead of human. He calls him human sometimes but not as much as the others. People start noticing this and go “huh. Strange”

Sebek loves talking about his lovely boyfriend who is the coolest guy to ever exist!!! (He might even surpass Malleus. Sebek is very conflicted) boasting about how amazing and strong he is for a human!!! How he’s very talented and skillfull.

Epel starts speaking less formally with Sebek and occasionally going full blown with his Dialect. Sebek wants to learn more of Epel’s dialect. And Epel gladly teaches him. ARGHHHH Sebek loves Epel’s accent so much.

UGH I HAVE THIS WHOLE THING WHERE LIKE. EPEL IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY SEBEKS HATRED FOR HUMANS STARTS CHIPPING AWAY SLOWLY. LIKE “wow. This human is so very cool. Wow. He’s so talented and amazing. Wow” AND IS LIKE ONE OF THE FEW HUMANS HE TREATS WITH RESPECT AND NICELY AND ARHFGHGHFHF BUT IT DRIVES HIM INSNAE BE AUSE “HOW COULD HE FEEL THIS WAY FOR A HUMAN?!??” AND HES SO CONFLICTED AND ARGHHHH AND WHEN SEBEK FINALLY GETS OVER HIS HATRED FOR HUMANS HE CAN FINALLY LOVE EPEL TO THE FULLEST AND WITHOUT SHAME AND CAN START TO PROCESS HIS FEELINGS AND AHRBFHFDHJDJDJSJSJSJSJSHS AND EPEL IS JUST SO KIND AND CARING AND UNDERSTANDING AND ARFHHFHFJFNFNFBFJ

Also not a hc I think? But one of the reasons why I love sebepel so much bc I think Epel is one of the few characters that doesn’t treat Sebek like shit (at least from what I remember???)

When it comes to Sebek, I think a lot characters are like “ugh! Sebek is so annoying I hope he DIES” (okay I’m being dramatic but they don’t like him and they tend to express that) but I’ve never seen that with Epel? Epel doesn’t say anything bad about Sebek (from what I remember) he’s always pretty neutral when it comes to Sebek and doesn’t really talk bad about him the way others do. He’s kinda just like “oh. That’s Sebek. He is. Talking about malleus.” Maybe even sometimes like “he’s a bit strange but whatever :)” AND THATS JUST SOOOO ARHFHFHHFHFHF TO ME LIKE SAUSUDHDHJSAISUHSHSJ SOBBING CRYING

Okay so this is where I start yapping EVEN MORE. Basically I just talk about how I personally view their relationship and what it would be like pre-relationship and during relationship. I’m putting this here bc it’s long and I don’t want to make anyone feel obligated to read all of this.

UGH SORRY I JUST TALK SO MUCH. I didn’t mean to make it this long but I just love them SO MUCH. To me they’re a very loving and caring relationship…. Who help each other grow and just care about each-other so much. They’re both so patient with eachother and AUFHFHFJFFH WHICH LIKE MEANS SO MUXH TO ME BC LIKE. Sebek is neurodivergent and Epel isn’t but even still I like to think that Epel tries so very hard to make Sebek happy and like let him know he’s cared for and loved. And It’s just ifhhhh I could talk about them and how they handle Sebeks neurodivergence forever but I won’t 😭😭😭

BUT EVEN WITH ALL OF THEIR WHOLESOME PATIENCE AND I GUESS “MATURITY” THEYRE STILL JUST SILLY TEENS AND YEAH AUGHGHFH. They are SUCH a power couple to me!!!! Like “hell yeah that’s my bf!!!!” And they get so super silly together!!!! They goof around and act ‘cringey’ and hype each other up!!!!

Idk in my head it’s just. They make it work. They are overall healthy to me and hehehe they’re the couple that stays together forever after highschool and everyone is like “WHAT?!?!??” But also not surprised (especially those close to them they’re like “yeah ofc”

I was trying to think of situations that like. That would be angsty or like. Smth. But. I really can’t see it with them? I can’t see them having like. Big serious fights. Maybe like silly play fights that get taken a bit seriously and end up hurting eachother, but, I also think they can end up solving those,, maybe a bit quick? Idk they just seem like the type to understand eachother. Or at least try their best.

Hmmm I think I guess sometimes they have moments when they don’t see eye to eye and they are stubborn and don’t agree,,,,, but again. I think they can get solved easily….

Like idk I guess I see them more having bursts of like “idk man :/“ but they easily go back to like “oh it’s okay :)”

I think on Sebek’s part there is insecurity that Epel will stop loving him because he finally has someone that CARES about him. That pays ATTENTION to him. And he’s so scared of losing that. He’s scared to be annoying he’s scared to be loud he’s scared to talk so much because he doesn’t want to lose Epel. That’s his friend. And eventually his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to lose this person that finally actually SEES him.

But, Epel is always there to reassure him that he will ALWAYS love him. He will always be there for him. Epel will always be there to support Sebek,,, and Epel is willing to learn ways to make him happy and comfortable. Epel will be patient….. and he will listen…..

OH NY GOD THIS ID GETTING SO LONG BUT SIGH OKAY.

I think pre-relationship, Sebek would be nice to Epel!! Bc like!! Wow!! This is such a cool guy!!! And Epel would be like “huh. Weird” at first because like “I don’t think Sebek is like this? People tell me things that don’t match this at all????” So he finds it strange at first. But eventually grow to like it (for a lack of a better word ig) and finds it endearing. He thinks it’s cool!! I mean Sebek is a nice guy!! He’s glad he can learn about him and hang out!!!

AUGH IDK I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH I COULD TALK ANOUT THEM PRE- RELATIONSHIP AND HOW THEY BOTH VIEW EACH OTHER AND DEVELOP THEIR RELATIONSHIP SHIP FOREVER. LIKE UAH. THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME OKAY?????????

IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG. THIS GENUINELY WASNT MEANT TO BE THIS LONG- I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY 😭😭😭😭😭 AOUGH I JUST STARTED TALKING BC SUHDDHDJDJSJJSJSJZJZKSJZ DRIVES ME INSANE.

YOU JUST ASKED FOR SOME THINGS AND I GAVE YOU A WHOLE ESSAY HELP

UGH. They’re just stupid teens what more can I say 😭 they’re so dorky and gay for each other your honor 😢 they drive everyone insane 😢😢😢😢

[professor-catalpa]

[ update on starter pokemon season posts:

i think i have more asks than i can handle now! i'll get to as many as i can but please be patient with me and understand if i can't get to them all :)

once you've made your selection the pokemon will get drawn for you, but it might take a minute because i'm having some troubles with my tablet pen that i need to figure out! it's relatively minor but it is an inconvenience. thank you for your patience! ]

[ceciliablossoms]

Okay bro dumb idea I've seen around but here me out, Diluc, Childe, Xiao, Kaeya, and Zhongli with a s/o thats super loopy on meds. The boys try to get to them to bed but theyre like "sorey in sure your lovely but I have a boyfriend" and fust sleep on the floor

God me dude

i get loopy outta my mind when I take specifically cold medicine

Tumblr formatting his fucking this :')

Diluc

Is briefly caught off guard when he first sees you like this

He'd never expect you to become THIS loopy when you took your medication

However, the more he was around you, the more used to it he became

He always makes it a point to make sure you don't hurt yourself when you stumble or fall

The man's gentleman, he's not gonna leave you on the floor either

He'll help you to your shared bedroom and attempts to cover you

But when you lazily roll out of bed and onto the floor

He goes to put you in the bed again

You swat his hands away lightly

Causing him to cock a brow at you

When you tell him you have a boyfriend and try to "let him down easy"

He gives a little sigh but nonetheless hoists you into bed again

"I'm sure he's lovely, however, you need to rest now."

-

Tartaglia

Finds it hilarious

Especially when you stumble everywhere

Will laugh when you fall on your ass

He'll help you up though and carry you to bed

Even when you writhe in his arms until you fall onto the floor

He clicks his tongue and reaches to pick you up again

But when you roll away from him and say you're taken

He raises an eyebrow but smugly asks you to describe said boyfriend

As you complement him to his face he grows more and more smug

"Is that so? I'll be sure to keep that in mind ~"

He finally gets you into bed and exits your room soon after

Will tease the shit out of you later

-

Xiao

Very confused

Why are you acting so strange

Very wary until he gets used to it

You'd probably have to explain when you're not tripping balls

Stays close by your side when it's time for your to take your meds

The moment you start to stumble, he piggybacks you to your room

Your squirming doesn't phase him

When you slide out of bed onto the floor though

He gets worried and tries to help

Your whining about not touching you because you have a boyfriend makes him pull away

Even more confused now

"I am aware. Now let me help you to rest"

Will probably never understand tbh

-

Kaeya

Heavily amused

Always down for dinner and a show

And the show is you

Expect to be teased both during and after

Will never let you live it down, especially if you complement him

Despite it seeming like he doesn't take it seriously, he takes good care of you

Keeps you hydrated and supervised so you don't hurt yourself

As he helps you to bed and you push him away he chuckles and makes a flirty remark

When you tell him to stop because you have a boyfriend

He chuckles

"Oh? He must be quite the charmer, hm?"

When you nod and being to ramble about him

He listens intently, thoroughly amused

-

Zhongli

Knows that it's just your medication

But he can't help but worry

After all you're so out of it, you don't recognize him

He coddles you tbh

Stays with you at all times to monitor you in case something happens

Sticks to your side like glue and makes sure nothing bad happens

When he helps you to bed, and you tell him that he reminds you of your boyfriend

He smiles at that

When you begin to talk about how your perceive him it makes him happy

Though he doesn't go along with it like some of the others

"Now, now dearest. It would be best if you lied down."

At the nickname you reach out to him and make grabby hands

He lies down next to you

Tbh cutest shit he's ever seen

-

Tag List: @kurokuroshit @clouds-rambles @mika-zuko @yoimimi @tempehlust @duhsies @dilucs-claymore @dai-tsukki-desu @seiiblue @nagatorou @youaskedfurret @fictionalcharactersthatsit @reina-dragoness-aka-rei

[hdawg1995]

Lim asked Ajax to take his telescope and draw the night sky. It seemed like a simple task and when the journey lead to shooting stars, he took a moment to make a wish.

the telescope was heavy as Ajax lugged the thing up the mountain. He set it down to catch his breath, the last few elementals knocking the wind out of him. Earth elementals hit way too hard some times. Looking up at the sky the sun had finally set and the light of the moon and stars blanketed the mountain in a soft glow. It wasn't every day he allowed himself to take in everything Lore had to offer- seeing the forest for the trees, as it were.

Hector yawned, tiny sparks coming from the baby dragon's mouth. It was way past his bed time but he insisted on coming with Ajax on this little trip. Hector looked up at the sky after his human had picked him up to he could get a closer look- and then a ball of yellow-blue light streaked across the sky.

Hector squeaked and flapped his wings, the baby having no idea what that was but being very excited about it.

"Thats a shooting star, Hector!" Ajax's smile almost hurt his face. "When ever you see one, you make a wish!"

The dragon made some sort of sound as he stared up at the night sky in awe. Ajax wondered what the dragon would wish for- probably more snacks or belly rubs.

And then Ajax wondered what he himself would wish for.

The orbs were one idea, but Scalla to be healthy and sane was another. He knew wishing for either of those would be a waste- the orbs were going to be found by him eventually. Warlic was speaking with the Avatar of Fire to make a new Fire Orb after Zorbok threw the last one into the lava, the others are safe, and the only one left to find was the earth orb. There wasn't a need to that wish...

Hector growled and flew from Ajax's arms as a Thunderhead approached. Ajax put his thoughts aside. Right. He was doing SCIENCE and needed to get to the top of this mountain.

Some time later he took another break; carrying this telescope was difficult already, but now he was going up natural stair formations.

More stars streaked across the sky as he rested, his mind wondering to previous thoughts.

Scalla had a lot going on. A lot he was going to go though... Maybe that was why she was his mentor; he has someone to relate to in ways no one else seemed to. He could wish her better, wish all the trauma away, but thats not how wishes worked. He wasn't even sure if thats how MAGIC worked.

Hector crawled into his lap, drawing him out of his thoughts again. He was looking at the human intently, probably asking a question only a dragon would understand.

"Just thinking." He says.

Hector makes a low growl before tilting his head.

"Oh!" Ajax exclaimed. "You're asking what i'm thinking about! Well..."

He didn't really know how to surprise his thoughts. Terrible things are going to happen and he isn't sure how to prepare for them. He KNOWS they're going to happen because Scalla exists and is in that strange instinct driven mental state. Is that going to happen to him? Will he be so traumatized he'll have PTSD?

"I... don't know how to say this, Hect, but i'm thinking about the future."

Hector bumped his head against Ajax's chest and squawked at him.

"The future is scary, bud." Ajax smiles and pets the baby dragon. "Just wish it wouldn't be."

That was a good wish. Yeah! He already knows with Scalla's help it won't be so bad, he'll have someone who will understand and hey! that means he'll finally be able to help her out of her funks. But if its just a little less scary- well, maybe he and Scalla would both benefit from it. Maybe all the future people Ajax knows now -like Warlic, Lim, Ash, and Robina- could benefit too. A future less scary would be nice...

Looking up at the sky again before starting up the mountain one last time, a shooting star streaked across the sky again. and then another, and another. There were so many, Ajax wondered for a moment if it was natural or not. And then one landed at his feet and attacked him.

After fighting though shooting stars and a purple people nommer, Ajax decided making wishes wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

[drop-of-infinity]

Ok here it is! This is kinda weirdly formatted so bear with me, and sorry if it doesn’t make sense with later seasons, I haven’t gotten there yet.

<><><><>

Chapter 1: Season 4

Lazarus Rising

{“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” It’s the truth, obviously. Castiel studies the man who just shot him. He wonders if Dean remembers anything. Cas gripping him to his chest and flying out of Hell with his hand on Dean’s shoulder from behind, a blur of blood and rainbow wings.

{“Yeah well, thanks for that.” Clearly he doesn’t.

{“Good things do happen Dean.” Dean almost laughs. Because yeah, forty years in hell was definitely not what he’d call a good thing.

{“What’s the matter?” Dean is careful not to let any emotion into his eyes. This trench coat clad being may be an ally, but he’s not a friend.

{“You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Dean blinks. The gentleness was what caught him off guard. The angel- Castiel? He wasn’t teasing, he wasn’t mocking- but he wasn’t asking. It was a statement. A very gentle statement that slices through Dean’s walls with its casual wording and kind inflection and briefly makes him feel weak. Oh I don’t like this guy at all.

Episodes 2-4

{Castiel only talks to him in dreams. Because of this, he knows what Dean looks like in his sleep better than awake. His face is a lot more peaceful. Castiel... feels. He wishes he could spare him the pain that is to come. It terrifies him. He ignores it.

{“Cas said if I don’t stop you he will.” Dean does not register the fact that he had just given an angel of the lord a nickname until an hour or so later. He twitches his head slightly, and wonders if said angel will mind. Castiel is a bit of a mouthful. Why should I care if he minds? Dean decides to call him that out of spite.

Episode 7

{They have talked alone before, but usually only in Dean’s head. When Cas sits next to him on the bench, and tells him what the real orders were, Dean can’t believe he’s surprised.

{“I was praying you would choose to save the town.” Now that surprises him quite a bit. He listens to Cas’s explanation, and tries to see humans the way he does.

{Castiel cares. He cares about humanity more than ever, and he can’t put his finger on why. The tiny emotions inside him are growing, and he is scared. Angels aren’t supposed to care.

Heaven and Hell

{“You’re some heartless sons of bitches you know that?” Dean shouldn’t be hurt. He isn’t hurt. Cas is just like the other angels, which Dean knew, and he shouldn’t be hurt. But Cas talks about humanity with emotions he clearly isn’t supposed to have, and this stings just a little.

{“As a matter of fact we are.” They aren’t. Well Castiel isn’t, anyway. He’s supposed to be, he TRIED to be but he’s not. Better Dean think he is though. It’s better. Isn’t it?

{Dean stabbed the demon before it could hurt Cas. He was angry, not heartless.

{Uriel launched himself towards Dean. Castiel stopped him. He tried to untangle the web of feelings he wasn’t even supposed to have, but he couldn’t.

On the Head of a Pin

{“WE. Don’t care.” Cas-thats what Dean calls him and he’s started calling himself that subconsciously because most people don’t address him by name-stares at the ground. He shouldn’t care, he CANT care, but he does. He cares about humans and he cares about the angels that are dying and he cares about Dean. He cares about Dean and he can’t ask him to do this but he has to, he HAS to.

{Cas can’t ask him to do this. He CANT. “If I walk through that door, you won’t like what comes out.” Dean doesn’t like the way he phrases that, as if Cas’s opinion was more important than anything. I don’t want to give him a bigger head then he already has. But they were becoming... well not friends exactly, angels probably weren’t allowed friends. But even if Dean wasn’t Cas’s friend, Cas was becoming his and he couldn’t ask Dean to do this but he had.

{“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You.” Cas wonders if he should have said that differently, but it’s the truth. Dean probably doesn’t like him very much, but Cas had been beginning to see the green-eyed suicidally brave man in front of him as a friend. He doesn’t spare a thought for the fact that he shouldn’t be feeling what he’s feeling. Thinking about it doesn’t make it stop.

{“For the first time... I feel.” He’s not sure Anna understands. He doesn’t even understand himself.

{Cas is trying to reassure him. Dean can see it. He’s talking gently and he’s being kind and his eyes and voice are soft. It’s strange. Why should Cas care if he’s worried?

The Monster at the end of This Book

{“Just so you understand. Why I can’t help.” Dean’s anger evaporates in a second. Cas smiles a secret tiny smile, and some fibre of worry in Dean’s chest melts, just a little.

{Dean walks away and Cas stares at his hands, in awe of what he just did. Dean asked him to disobey heaven and... he hadn’t had he? No surely this didn’t count as disobedience. It was just bending the rules a bit. The voice screaming in his head that he couldn’t do what he was doing was neatly silenced by Dean’s look of gratitude.

Episode 20

{Cas is aware of no feelings other than that he has to warn Dean. He has to. The angels want the apocalypse and his life is cracking and he HAS to tell Dean. Then he gets recalled to heaven, and they talk to him in a manner he won’t know is called “gaslighting” until Dean explains it several years later.

{“I serve heaven. I don’t serve man and I certainly don’t serve you.” Why does it hurt? It’s true. It shouldn’t hurt to say.

{It hurts Dean to hear. Why should it? It’s true. He bets it doesn’t hurt to say.

Lucifer Rising

{He can’t help Dean. He can’t. But every bit of him that isn’t just angel-because there are parts of him that are more now, and he knows it- is screaming that he has to.

{When Cas leaves, Dean knows it shouldn’t feel like a stab. But then again, nothing ever is as it should be with Cas.

{“You aren’t in this story.” “Yeah, well. We’re making it up as we go.” Dean turns to look at Cas. This angel who is rebelling against heaven for humanity, because Dean asked him to. Something odd happens to the mess of emotions in his chest. For an alarming moment, they flutter. He wonders if this is what it feels like to fly.

{Cas banishes Zacharia. He ignores the prophet. He volunteers to hold the archangel off. He wonders if this is what it feels like to fall.

Then Lucifer rises, and neither of them have time to wonder.

[rajmalik89]

Immaterion Chapter one: Small Victories

History is written by the victors... so it can be whatever they want, yet they expect us to believe that an army of demons came through a portal from another world with the intentions of destroying us? What ever happened couldn't have been that bad if we let them live with us behind the walls of Aegus. They’re treated like second class citizens until we need something. We use them for their magic and knowledge of nature, yet hold them at arms length and restrict their rights as citizens of the realm. It seems to be easier to control the masses when they fear and despise each other. Fear and ignorance is likely what start this mess. Acknowledging people as so called lesser citizens is a reoccurring theme in Aegus. In my case, I was just another believer in the Path of the Nomads, able to hold no position in the prestigious Templars Guild. That right was reserved for followers of the Lights chosen Son, a religion reserved only for Pureblooded humans native to the realm unlike the Path of the Nomads which is open for all, human and demonkin alike. It's just a big elitist club, and I wasn't in it until one massive boat fire claimed the lives of my fellow trainee holy warriors and left me as the only miraculous survivor. A few old men speaking of proficy managed to some how get me invited into the Templars Guild despite my religious affiliations which would normally merit nothing but a firm rejection. They believe that I am special but to be honest I'm just another lucky bastard and I dont believe in much of anthing these days, but I must use this opportunity to climb the ranks and gain a position to slowly influence change that will bridge the gaps of division to benefit all the citizens of Aegus.

The demonkin have been more human to me than most humans ever have. Im clearly not the first to think so will all of the interracial couples and people who can trace their ancestry back to demonic tribes. I find it strange the amount of people who have lately either discovered they have demon ancestry, or magic abilities which is something exclusive to demonkin. It's facinating, some people also find it awesome and are overjoyed upon their discovery. Others are ashamed thinking of themselves as less for being of demonic ancestry and being able to use magic apart from light which is the only magic that pureblooded humans can wield. Learning of your magic abilities and proof of demonic ancestry later in life can be a bit of a challenge depending on where in the city you live, which faith you belong to, or job you hold within the kingdom. Well anyway, lets not dwell on the negative and celebrate the small victories. I Helion Sphyrus, follower of the Path of the Nomads, sit in the Halls of a Templar training barracks preparing to become a Templar Against all odds.

Finally I'm free for the day and that goofball Gusteron is right on Schedule. He is a powerful earth magic user who traces his ancestry from purebloods, and the earth demonkin tribes. Most importantly he is my bestfriend and neighbor, one of the few demonkin brave enough to stand this close to a templar training barracks. “Hey sissy boy...haha...lets get the hell outta here.” says Gus. “You can't say that 'round here...ass,” I respond struggling to hold in a laugh. We are encased in dirty looks. Gus wouldn't fight here even if something happened, he will get no justice fighting a pureblood, especially not a spoiled trainee templar from an elitist family. The trainees will be on their best behavior though if they would like to remain here. They'll stay back and hold their tongues like good little daddy's boys. Xandros spits in their path.....Helion sighs...... Hold that thought... “Is there a problem brother,” I ask Xandros, the physical embodiment of most of the issues I've discussed. “Yes... It stinks with him around here, and we aren't brothers pal,” He responds. “ So not brothers...but pals. Well thats progress I guess,” I sarcasticly respond. Gusteron is strug gling to hold in his laugh. Xandros rest his hand on his mace. “Just keep walking guy,” says Xandros. I loosen my shield which was strapped on my back for easier access. “If you ever doubt us being brothers just ask Dad why Moms so sad lately,” I tell Xandros. The sound of dashing footsteps quickly closing in as my shield drops and I turn quickly to catch and stand firm in a defence position. Perfect timing as I've blocked his first strike. That was probably my best move since training. I have never been as gifted as the others which has also caused a lot of hate ever since I was invited to the Templars Guild. Xandros is swinging from all angles, utilizing a combination of flawless foot work and shifting body weight behind perfect form in every bone rattling blow. How can I keep up blocking and draw my mace to counter? “Fight back fool!” Gus shouts from the background. I draw my mace and swing for him, but he dodges with ease. Now on the defensive, he seems less enraged as he dodges my attacks so effortlessly. It must be funny to him how pathetic I am with this damn mace. He doesn't even bother drawing his shield. He redirects my strike with his own mace and sends me stumbling. As I turn back to face him, he is holding his mace upright. It illuminates with light energy just before beams of light project forwards in a conal formation. I don't know what stunned me more, the light skill or the fact that he was able to use a light skill in combat whilst only being a recruit. He was clearly gromed for this unlike me whos father did what he could to prevent me ever being a holy warrior or templar. He lightly shield barged me off balance. He drew his shield finally, but to use it as weapon. Am I really this much of a joke to him. I take a big step backwards in an effort to stay on my feet. In all of the confusion of being blinded, I've left myself open. A upwards diagnal strike knocks me off of my feet completely.

“What is the meaning of this!” An approaching man shouts. There he stood in all if his glory with two of his Personal guard accompanying him. Regnarios Narakus, general of the armies of Aegus and commander of the templar. He is admired by many and despised by just as much if not more. I guess he wouldn't be much good at his job nor be in his position if he wasnt't. “ Unsanctioned duels are forbidden on these grounds... on your feet Sphyrus,” said Regnarios. I slowly wobble my way off the floor. “This vagabond insulted me,” said Xandros. “Now hes barely standing, I'd say you're even. You fought well, now go home,” Regnarios orders Xandros. Regnarios looks at Gusteron, then turns back toward me. “You should be careful what you say to your brothers and tread lightly. Afterall it should be a privaledge being here in your case giving your religious affiliations and associates,” He says. Wow...I'm sure you are starting to see the unfortunate double standards certain folks have to endure here in the quote un-quote great city of Aegus. How ever, I'm bruised, dased, and slightly embarrassed but I can't help but notice I provoked with my words alone. That skill will surely come in handy. Like I said...Small victories.

[hereliesbitches--me]

“Who hurt you?” Amelia

Send “Who hurt you?” + Physical or Emotional to find my muse hurt! (Still accepting, i lost the meme )

There was not a section of skin on Rosie’s body that went unmarred with the test of time and battles. She could not have lived her immortal life without gaining a scar to prove it.

    While once upon a time she was far more self conscious about the visibility of scars earned by battle, and some by her own doing, with the trials of death and revival a constant cycle, Rosie had at last come to make peace with her outward appearance. Comfortable enough to let her shell, once a despised and shameful prison, now bask in the light of sunshine without worrying too much about hiding the discolored skin that marked her as a warrior. But that comfort had sometimes turned to negligence to notice the new formation of bruising and scabbing cuts that happened oh so often;  Always after a showdown with demons that decided to rear their ugly heads in their already congested city. 

It was just a normal occurrence to her now. Getting a chance to restart the life she had once lived, she made the decision in this timeline to be far more active in the battle and preserve her team, rather than call the shots and do nothing in the background as she did in her first run. For she had already lost enough in doing that. The Guardian would not make the same mistake twice. 

     It was suppose to be an evening of catching up, of going out and doing civilian hobbies, and letting Amelia show her the ways of normalcy the angel had never truly mastered. Admittedly, while originally already liking the comforting aura she had initially felt radiating off Amelia, it was the discovery of the Crescent moon lineage that had now truly kept Rosie persistent in finding time for her darling human girl. Having Amelia was like having a piece of Freya… the thought, despite the ongoing quarrels that had always been the signature of their tense relationship between mother and daughter in-laws, was comforting for a woman so isolated by time. Being with Amelia brought her a comfort of an old world long forgotten, even if the secret burmecian had no clue of her familial significance and the meaning it served to the mourning Moon. Freya connected to the old world. The old world, by extension, rooted her to Guts - the fallen son. Having Amelia around kept Rosie distracted from her grieving of her beloved apostle.. of the reality that all that she knew was not the same. It was a gift undoubtedly granted by her high father of the heavens to ease her wounds, and Rosie would make certain that Amelia would not end tragically as all other beings associated with Rosie had once been. Of course, that fixation to be around always tended to distract Rosie from the fact that what was normal to her was not normal to the average human being. Sporting a tanktop and jeans, with a leather coat thrown over and rolled up to her elbows despite the heat , Rosie was initially confused by the question asked of her as concern etched across Amelia’s face.

 “ Hurt me? What do you..” 

Her voice trailed, eyes glancing down at herself in wonder what Amelia could be speaking of. Was it the scars that littered her arms? Looking down at the lines, some raised and dark, others simply lighter blemishes that scattered across her forearm in no particular fashion. Of course, that probably would startle Amelia.. Especially the one across her wrists, the style undoubtedly recognizable in intention. Rosie was quick to tuck them away. 

“ Ah, those aren’t anything new, Amelia. Plenty of people hurt me, but its been so long, the details blur together.. you know?”

Her smile was soft, polite and dismissive of Amelia’s concern. Taking her arm out just to trace them quietly, Rosie studied the faint details only for a moment. The details blurred, yes, but to some extent the memories of every battle resided in her mind. She could recall when the huddles of scars formed, sounds playing like the ghosts that haunt her. Her mind threatens to sink into the hollows out of habit, as solitude so often did, but directing her eyes back to Amelia anchors her in place. The softness of her features.. the innocent concern. The youth.. It makes her warm. Too warm that even the cold chains of grief could not pull the angel back down while she basked in Amelia’s presence. To some extent, Rosie hoped that was enough to relieve the other of her worries. To further her point, she waved a hand to urge it all away,

“ Its okay Amelia, really. Its-” 

Then she noticed where those shining eyes had focused on. Not the scars on her arms, not initially, but rather the bruising on Rosie’s neck that ached when she tilted her head.  How could she not have noticed before?How ugly a color, yellow and purple in a large blotch trailing down from her jaw. It pooled in areas of her neck, in a fine line where she recalled her neck had tilted at an odd angle and caught on the lining of metal lining of her suit only a few days prior. Thats what Amelia had been looking at, not the scars. The stupid bruising. 

You are an IDIOT, Rosie!

“ ..You were talking about these bruises, weren’t you..”

The color flushed from her face with the sudden realization. Bewilderment flashed across her widening eyes, her waving hand now smacking upon the bruising cheek she hides under her palms. It was just too large to cover. Why did she have to blabber on? Why couldnt she just shut her mouth like a normal person would about their injuries?? Rosie grew red, her face a shade suited for her name as her ears pinned back with embarrassment. There’s that sudden need to wither. Her voice had lost its power, her smile falling with artificial support as she recedes somewhat into herself. The woman could only offer a humorless laugh and averted her eyes away into the streets of passing cars,

“ I am an idiot sometimes… Its just an occupational injury I got fighting monsters,Got smacked down and bent my neck wrong, pinched it in the crevice of my armor. 

I’m sorry I didn't realize what you were talking about..”

Now she grew meek, unable to will herself to meet Amelia’s gaze. Her self criticism was harsher than anyone could have ever been of her, and the need to continue apologizing was profuse. 

“ I don’t get to hang out with many normal people, I apologize for the strange things I may blatantly speak on. 

I hope I wasn’t too much..”

[kyanmaaaa]

i told my bro abt this dream and hes just like why are your dreams so dark (so like, tw for this one)

but honestly i didnt really consider this dark it was oddly beautiful if scary. im going to fill in parts with what i think could have happened there but im also not going to include the details for what the room looked like in every scene besides whats neccassary, cause this was so vivid i could try to describe to you what each PERSON looked like and people usually dont even have faces in my dreams!

its still long so heres a read more

beginning of the dream im walking home at dusk and im coming from a direction i almost nvr walk, except for when its halloween. so it may have been halloween in my dream, the sunset is a beautiful BRIGHT orange and its on the side of my house rather than behind like it usually is but thats a minor detail.

cause around the house behind mine theres a very strange cloud formation, much lower than i usually see clouds and its not foggy but its just, theres clouds wrapped around the house except for the front and the wall just goes up and up and up to the top and slightly past the house. paired with the sunset i think thats really beautiful so i take some pics with my phone and go closer just to see how close i can get before the clouds disappear and then i’ll go home

i didnt get to go home, the clouds wrapped fully around the house and a strong, something, stopped me from leaving. also there was like an evil to/riel so she mighta been the one doing that

next part of the dream kinda jumps around so ill have to infer some parts but essentially the house changes from the building ive seen there for you know, my entire life, to a small dark wooden mansion. also muffet is there and guess what she ALSO sucks. and then theres this bitch blond haired human pony tail man and hes dumb and i dont like him. im not allowed to leave and im kinda enslaved i guess (my bro called me a prisoner with a job when i told him and it was stupid funny). muffets off on a job after i get settled in there and i dont know what happens to make me so submissive considering the next part of the dream focuses on another servant but whatever they did was REALLY REALLY BAD cause at every point after this im terrified of fucking up and ive pretty much given up on getting out.

this next part was more of a flashback sequance that happened later but for ease of reading im going to add it here instead. first other servant i meet is a beautiful large green shiny beetle man, seriously hes gorgeous and so well spoken and kind. when he was brought into the house he was introduced as just a regular human man, still as beautiful as ever tho, was hired to play piano for a party. as hes fiddling away with the keys though if you looked around you could see bright shiny green and gold strings just, laying flat against the wall, piano, his suit, etc. turns out those were his beetle wings but stretched out and distorted and at this point hes discovered cause to the untrained eye those look like decorations, but its how his kind disguises themselves. cause he can change his entire appearance except for his wings, so they have to try and hide their wings in the environment around them.

they didnt like him lying but it was calm at first. muffet invites him to a small welcoming dinner, just for a chat. they share a platter of food on one plate, partly meat, but most of whats facing him is just a lot of rice packed into a line. he slowly pecks away at that as he carries a polite conversation with muffet, but nvr touches the other side of the food. after hes abt halfway through it she asks “Why aren’t you trying the other food deary?” and he responds “I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to Miss.” and has a bite.

after whatevers in that food kicks in he keels over in pain and she makes it very clear how things go in this house. he listens, he does not act without being told to, and if he ever tries to pull a stunt like that again he’ll be dead. “Am I clear deary?”

since he was there before i was some times passed since that happened. hes currently being punished by mr asshole blond ponytail man and his punishment is all of his meals are very plain. just rice and unseasoned meat. the chef clearly put effort into each platter tho as theyve been shaped into increasingly elaborate shapes the longer the punishment lasts. im not quite sure why this is a punishment? maybe beetle man isnt getting all the nutrients he needs and thats harder for his kind, perhaps he has a taste for good food and this is just the most the ponytail dude can get away with as a punishment since muffets in charge of the house, or maybe its meant to bring up bad memories of when he first came here.

this next parts, really foggy

back to me and muffets talking to someone through a large portal in the room? plans are made abt making humans lose hope and wiping out humanity. the vegan next to me is very excited abt this and comments on it and im just like, bro, that would be super bad for the earth and also immoral? and shes like oh right. at some point i befriend a guy even tho we hated each other at first but he’s moved elsewhere after some time

time skip to muffet informing me that due to my most recent mistake my family is going to be killed. at this point im just sick of it i’ve been here for months im miserable im lonely, i miss my family im just kinda, unstable

really unstable

im shouting at her if shes going to off my family she has to kill me too cause i cant live knowing theyre dead because of me or live without them, just sobbing, kill me, please just kill me i cant stay here anymore she sends me to my room and i pass by my beetle friend but neither of us says anything, also passed by some buff monster but its irrelevant. i dont go to my room instead im just looking through hallway after hallway, opening a storage closet and just trying to find SOMETHING to work with because yeah im miserable, yeah this is probably going to backfire but you do NOT. FUCK. WITH MY FAMILY! so i have to leave. i dont care if this might kill me i have to get out of there with whatever the hell i can find. what i find is two deflated balloons with little plastic bits inside that when u press a button they light up and im like OKAY maybe i, maybe me and beetle man can use this to signal to each other! thats great i can do this i can. i think i may have been crying and laughing here after my exploring Im hiding behind a sofa in a room in the furthest corner of the house cradling my little weird balloon bundle, just trying to find space to think. im safe because u cant see me from the door and the blinds on the window are drawn already. it feels like i havent seen the outside in a while remember how i said i was really unstable? this felt completely real in the dream so maybe it was real due to dream logic, but it feels like desperation in hindsight. i clicked both of the balloon lights on and realized i could use it as a phone! i need to call mom i miss her so much. so i do and she goes honey where are you? and im just crying and saying i love you, i love you so much im okay mom, its okay, and shes like are you at school??? and i just turn into a mess. at this point i look through the sheer curtains on the window and notice my brother driving a really tall truck moving some construction supplies. it sucks that hes here too but im just so happy to see him even if i know i cant talk to him. maybe if they dont find out we’re related he’ll be okay and then i leave the mansion, and i run. nothing here is familiar. im somewhere in the woods. i try to run to the front and see all of the construction workers there making something, but besides all the people somehow the dirt is just, this sheer cliff up up and up in front of the place. so i run to the back and try to get through the barrier around the place. i think i do but its not exactly easy. i fought off a possessed wild boar, but it was the size you think a pig would be, so like a medium sized dog, it just tried to bite me and while it hurt i just hit it til it stayed down long enough for me to bolt after im some distance away, further into the forest on a wide path i meet a human whos instantly on guard to fight me. i spray paint in his eyes and then run on i meet a strange human on the same path and he smirks at me and puts paper in front of his eyes to stop my tactic. i go hey fuck it maybe the fumes will disorient him and spray and his magic stops the paint in mid air and im like dude that is SICK, before he flings it back at me

i dont know how but i beat him too but the next part of the dream im finally somewhere residential, houses along the water, its a warm but not too warm day, light breeze, so all in and beautiful. i feel like im seeing and breathing freely and clearly for the first time in, i dont even know how long. its bright and while i know i have to run im just going to keep running, im free for now.

i use my little balloon contraption and call up my mom again now that im somewhere im positive no one will hear me. i tell her im sorry but i cant go home, that this is likely goodbye, and i cant guarantee ill get out of this alive but it’s okay. i love you so much. and she has to leave too. i stress this. she has to leave, cut all ties, cut all things that could trace you and get out of there. 

and then my alarm woke me up

its hard to explain why some sections of this dream were so scary, just the feeling of wrongness, isolation, powerlessness, and just some distant pain that i dont know what it was. it felt like the longer i was there the more my world was ending

[imeugene]

So Bob Scerbo’s been posting uncut footage mixed with actual footage plus commentary on his Instagram (@skapegoat256). I wanna say most of it is during the “All Day” era and we’re given a glimpse into the life and processes of the people involved in that project. It’s more or less a Director’s Commentary on the All Day-era, which is pretty sweet. 

With that being said I wanna revisit “All Day” cause it really proving to be a cult classic. I use that term cause I remember it was met with lukewarm reaction initially. It wasn’t anything overtly stated with BMX being what it is and Animal/Bob combo being who they are for that era but I can’t help but shake that a lot of people were kind of disappointed. Myself being one of them. I think a lot of stems from the hype that “Can I Eat?”, the Animal video prior, generated. It was a video of bangers and transformative new forms of riding. It really cemented the Animal crew into a position of universal clout, that East Coast riding is technically and creatively just as proficient as anything on the West Coast. I think people wanted more of that and when “All Day” dropped it wasn’t that at all. 

All Day was relaxed. I think a lot of people would say it was too relaxed. It was a glimpse into a form of riding that I don’t think the media fully embraced yet. It would later become a lot of what constitutes as “East Coast” riding which a lot of elements mentioned would be adopted into mainstream riding in general. The line heaviness of it all. The idea of spot usage which was exponentially upped but I don’t think the climate in BMX was ripe for it all just yet. This is when web videos were in it’s earliest forms and not a medium that was taken serious at all. The full length was the primary means. The thing with full lengths was that there was a sentiment that videos were going to be a very condensed epic form. Only the best tricks and maneuvers allowed into a 20-30 minute slot. The wait time between “Can I Eat” and “All Day” made the hype into this is gonna be another Animal epic. With “Can I Eat” it was very much just that. Lino and Vinnie laid down grinds that weren’t readily around. Hamilton and Scerbo brought forth a a different style and Edwin’s section was nothing but bangers that people are doing today but over a decade ago. “All Day” was epic but drastically in a different way. It was clocking in close to an hour long which was unheard of and the departure from the epic format that was accustomed to videos as a whole. 

Lines and spot usage was pushed in the forefront. Bangers were wins in a different sense. Scerbo does a bump jump rail hop and Hamilton a wallride to 180 on the OSU wall on some 26 inch or something. George Dossantos’s banger was a smith hard 180 done clean on foot tall ledge, even when Jared Washington does one mid section all sloppy. The riding was progressive but not quite in the same scale that most watchers I think predicted it would be. It was a lot of lines and spot usage. Which isn’t that strange to think about today cause that’s what the East Coast really devolved into but at the time I don’t think East Coast riding cemented that type of identity fully, it was really “All Day” that gave credos to that type of riding, being able to make most of a spot and do the right tricks, the right way, efficiently. But like I said I don’t think the climate was right for it just then. People was expecting Hamilton to go balls out bigger and Edwin to do a feeble hard 180 double bar and when it wasn’t just that it felt like expectations were shattered a bit. People didn’t really crap on it openly but I wanna say it wasn’t half as well received as “Can I Eat?”. 

Bob really subverted expectations in this one. I say it’s a cult classic because time has a way of giving merit to what is quality and “All Day” in my opinion is probably the best Animal video. There wasn’t ground breaking riding as expected but it gave rise to a style that was around but never really tapped into. It was almost a cultural experience filled with bird calls, graffiti titles, NYC happenings and it truly immersed you into the scene with the best riders, the unknowns and the guys who did good that one day. All this felt much more relatable in a way that I don’t think any other video really has come close into the scope of realizing. Somehow the standout trick for Edwin is him manueling a whole bridge. A lot of videos have a way of feeling like an advert, it’s polished and curated in a way where the riders and company are the source of focus but “All Day” was a documentary that truly documented the thriving but still very much underground NYC scene at it’s finest. 

I think a lot of it’s honest comes from the way Bob processed the project. He was one of the riders and showcased well what was happening. You see it in the Instagram post how he worked with other riders and made most of everything without ever forcing something to happen. It was naturalistic cause most of the video was NYC and the home of more or less everyone. This isn’t a riding video that was conducted in 10 road trips where the idea of having to produce was in the back of everyone head. In that sense some of the riding is casual cause probably every session of filming was just that. To be in the heart of a scene and capture everything is what “All Day” was. Bob worked with the riders to create an environment they thrived in instead of forcing some type of project on everyone to produce. 

I think thats why Animal has a cult level of popularity with riders all around the world. It has this background ideology that what and who is around is enough. That riding doesn’t have to be epic or extra, that the unique happenings of the scene is credible enough. The riders that Animal have chosen is all a reflection of that. At the time there weren’t any super pros. Edwin was the closest but then you have Tom White who can’t do anything but go big and people like Wormz who are as elusive as ever. It stripped notions of professionality and created a culture instead of a brand. Which has a lot of value if utilized correctly. Today’s market culture is equated with some fancy hashtag or phrase but no one did the bird call sound cause that was what Animal told the watchers to go out and do, people did it cause it was a way for them to feel apart of the ideal. That’s something that Animal did a great job with in this video. Plus as a filmer, that slow shutter is iconic with Animal videos to me.  

I think in hindsight people realize how great “All Day” truly was. Today’s casual instagram riding and the approach a lot of people take in the mainstream was really given grounds in this video. I think spot usage became a real thing with this video, like Vinnie’s first clip where he squeezes in between the rails. “All Day” is a film that is meant to be watched from beginning to end and you know thats Bob’s intention with how he cuts sounds from one section to another. How the session in NYC ends with that bench ledge but then the same spot is used to introduce George D. absolutely murdering it. I told myself I was going to watch a few sections to prep myself cause honestly an hour to me seems a lot these days but I ended up watching the whole thing anyway. It’s a video about the scene and not a intro rider whose good and the banger rider at the end, with the rest of the team as filler in between. Everyone offers something different and new and people find themselves divided which one appeals to them the most. “All Day” is probably my favorite video in it’s entirety. Go watch the whole video then read Bob’s background info on his Instagram, best thing on the internet right now. 

[noodlecupcakes]

Eleven

I got tagged by these wonderful ladies whom I both adore @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash and @jeffreydeanneganstrash

Gonna put a read more as theres 22 questions in total for me to answer

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash questions

1. Do you have any pets? If so, what species, and what are their names?

I don't have any pets myself, but my boyfriend has two amazing doggos called Tilly and Charlie 

2. Your favorite place that you’ve traveled to?

Florence, Italy. Unfortunately it was a stop off location for a cruise so I only got to spend a day there with a very rushed tour, so I would really love to go back for a proper holiday. 

3. What are you currently reading?

It by Stephen King but I would like to point out that I do NOT want to fuck Pennywise

4. One thing that you’re currently looking forward to?

Walker Stalker London 2018, I'm a greedy bitch and have two photo ops with Jeffrey Dean Morgan and I'm so excited to meet him again. I will go into cardiac arrest if he remembers me. 

5. Where do you hopefully see yourself in 5 years?

Perhaps engaged to my other half @mk-vi (no pressure daddy), and hopefully in a much better job

6. Your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Hmmm, I think I would have to say Strawberry or Milky Way

7. What’s the best piece of advice that you’ve ever received?

Write for you, if your not happy with your work then there's not much point 

8. Favorite brand/chain/type of coffee?

I don't like coffee, or hot drinks for that matter

9. One thing you never leave home without?

iPod, I have to have music 

10. Name 3 things (can be physical, emotional, etc.) that you love about yourself.

1. My boobs. Pride and joy baby

2. My sense of empathy although this does involve crying at multiple books/tv shows and movies

3. How persistent I am when it comes to writing. I gotta get a chapter out at least once a week unless something comes up. 

11. If you were to recommend one published book/series for me to read, what would it be?

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO SERIES, (just the first three, we don't talk about the new trilogy) by Stieg Larsson. This is like my all time fav series of books to read. Lisbeth Salander is strong independant woman goals. 

And now for @jeffreydeanneganstrash‘s questions 

1. Was there a book or movie that you read/watched that truly disappointed you? If so, which book/movie and why?

I think Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice was absolutely unreadable garbage, yet the movie was soooo good. The book is just given such an awful format, it's not a pleasure to read, its more of a chore. If your recalling memories I don't want the whole damn book to be you reciting them. Maybe lets do some time jumps and you write out the actual memory. 

2. If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

Hmmm, I’ve always been fascinated by Ancient Egypt so probably then, although Im sure I wouldnt last long at all. 

3. What is your favourite quote or song lyric?

Quote:  Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee - Agent Dale Cooper - Twin Peaks

4. Who is you least favourite “popular” celebrity and why?

Any of the Kardashians like what are they actually famous for again? 

5. When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood…who are you gonna call?

The fucking police 

6. Would you ever play with a ouija board?

FUCK NO. I’VE WATCHED TOO MANY HORROR MOVIES TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN GO NEAR ONE. 

7. If you could be a part of any T.V./Movie universe, which would it be?

Oh jesus fucking christ. *flops* How can I pick one? As much as I would like to say The Walking Dead I honestly don't think I would survive. So maybe Gotham or Steven Universe 

8. Do you prefer mornings or nights?

Nights as my brain activity seems to go through the roof and thats when I find it easiest to write. 

9. Can you name 11 things that are around you?

1. Empty plate

2. Sweet wrappers

3. Phone

4. iPod

5. Pens

6. Notebooks

7. Printer

8. Multiple colouring books

9. Colouring pens and pencils 

10. Sunglasses case

11. Nail clippers. 

10. Black or white?

Black

11. What is the soundtrack to your life?

Hmmmm probably a mixture of Sempiternal by Bring Me the Horizon and Electra Heart by Marina & the Diamonds 

[tragic-gays]

anyways never once have i ever had enough alcohol to become even mildly tipsy but NOTHING is more fun than oc tolerance levels bcs then fuckshit happens and u kno i live for drama and shitty shenanigans

fhjgk im literally listing it out bcs i cannot think of any other format and also i need to remember for next time i draw so this is a self reference more than anything. its only these 4 bcs theyre the ones ive been working on for a bit

nathan and cass have a higher tolerance and regularly come up with the stupidest ways to mix alcohol, much to the abject horror of everyone else. best thing is that they get a bit drunk they end up becoming an unstoppable force and create the dumbest and most dangerous shit together. mischievous levels go way up and that usually ends with the destruction of a wall or luke running on fumes in his attempts to escape their combined wrath, aka making fun of him in as many ways as possible, and making the next few hours with him a hazardous hell filled with multiple safety regulations being broken (and probably a some bruised ego in its wake)

val also has good tolerance but they mostly drink wine and they never get drunk, just mildly tipsy at best because honestly being drunk isnt that fun. though they start to laugh a LOT and gets strangely wise like how the fuck, the juxtaposition is wild

luke has terrible tolerance. almost none. its actually kinda funny. thats why he always tries to sneak off when he knows the siblings are anywhere in the vicinity with a bottle of alcohol because he knows that theyd try and pull something, and he knows that the second they figure out how much he cant handle alcohol, he’d never hear the end of it. he acts like he thinks drinking is the worst vice on the planet to try and get them to lay off, so they think hes just too stuck up. i cant stop thinking about this oh my god he just literally cannot handle it at all, its embarrassing for the image he has fhgfjhgjg talk about wounded pride

[anastycrimeboy]

Honestly, not much of someone who post anything but I feel like I wanted to talk aloud to the world anoynomously and on a format noone would likely look at so eh. Anyways I met you in 7th grade for the first time. Me? I was quite frankly just an antisocial prick. We talked truly for the first time I believe in social studies where you refered to me as "turtle boy" because of the way I sat (think somewhat like L from death note) we had a group assignment, something minor. I remember reading some question outloud I think, misspoke something aloud and had said "Saint Texas" I have no idea why it was so funny at the time but I remember it being one of the inciting incidences of our friendship. At first, I acted quite cold and annoyed towards you and your friend. You two, however, were quite subborn on making me your friend. Something I am quite honestly very greatful for, as i have no doubt my life would be very different had you two not done so. So we became friends. True friends. The closest and best two friends ive ever had the experiance of having. I dont remember much more of consequence happening in our relationships development during 7th grade. Eventually 8th grade rolled around and what a year that was, for both of us, and our mutual friend as well. You and your friend had a tough, depressing year. By December, so had I become immersed within the pit of depression. However when thinking back, I see that maybe that wasnt such a horrible thing. Our mutal suffering had brought us closer together in some ways. We shared thoughts, emotions, memories, things that brought us closer together. At some point through this, I had begun to have feelings for you. I remember vividly how happy I was when we would stay up until 3 A.M talking nonstop about anything. How happy it made me to simply sit there for hours and talk to you and see your beautiful face and hear your wonderful voice, laughter... I knew how I felt about you. I didnt tell you how I felt for a while. Eventually you had gotten with a guy, actually a friend of mine at the time. Man was I jealous of him... He got your first kiss, was I believe your first boyfriend to my knowlege. He got to hold you, cuddle with you, kiss you, be with you in a way I felt I probably never would. Ha, hell how right I was. You were with him for some time. Through this we continued our close relationship, talked for hours, just enjoyed eachothers presence, at least I know I did. I know at some point while you were with him, believe it was around Christmas, I had told you that I liked you. Not in the manner of just being friends but in a romantic manner. Pretty stupid looking bad, who tells someone they like them when they have a boyfriend? It didnt change anything really, you had expressed that that would not happen then at least. You let me off easy when I had told you then, said perhaps someday. I truly took that to heart. Looking bad, I probably shouldnt have haha. Things were awkward for a week or so but things got back to normal between us soon enough, no damage done. I remember being very very envious of your boyfriend, man jealously is such a powerful emotion. Somewhere around Feburary I remember you and him had broken up for good. As bad as it sounds I remember being trilled that had happend, in spite of your obvious greif and pain at the failure of a long term relationship. To be fair, I was young. I didnt truly understand what love was then. More than likely, then what I had felt for you was nothing more than simple infatuation. Although at the same time it was more than that, i cared for you deeply, and honestly, as we both recognize now the guy was a total asshole. So i like to justify that thats part of what I was so thrilled about but I couldnt say for certain. At this point, both our states of mental health were pretty piss poor. Both of us very depressed people, something that had only gotten worse for us both over the year. You became... this bright sun in my everyday life. The one person who would always bring a smile to my face everytime I simply laid eyes upon you. Without you, I felt hallow, and with you I felt like the sun was shinning on my skin on a spring day. I knew full well you didnt feel the same way about me. Deep down I knew you never would truly feel the same way. However I held some feable hope thst maybe, just maybe one day you'd love me like I grew to love you. Sometime around april, or may you and your friend were just about healed from this depression we had suffered, and I had stagnated. Looking bad, im sure that was mostly due to one crucial fact: you two were bound to go to one high school, and me, another. I knew I was losing two people who.... quite frankly were closer to me than my family ever was, even including my beloved deceased father. I remember on the last day of school crying a bloody waterfall. I never conciously thought this at the time, but im sure in my heart I knew: this would cement that our relationship would only go downhill in terms of our closeness, there was no alternative. You see i neglected to mention, we had experianced a bit of a falling out a month and a half before graduation relating to my depression and extreme drug use. You guys eventually so fed up with it you stopped talking to me altogether. This had forced me to stop abusing oxycotten, and in doing so, you accepted me once more as your friend a week or two before school ended. Our other friend however, from this point forward, was no longer a friend of mine. And my fallout with her was permanent. This left me with you as literally my only true close friend. And man the thought of losing you too then was just... Unfathomable. During the summer I recall talking to you somewhat frequently for a month or so. Then, there was a point when I had for some stupid reason, talked about my issues with your sister. God knows why, i sure dont know what the hell i was thinking haha. This led to you being quite rightly pissed, essentially telling me that you were done talking to me until I got my head straight and out of my shithole of a depression. Quite frankly looking back, man was you not talking to me a great motivator. First it got me to stop doing hard drugs, then got me to actually really start to work on changing my mental outlook on life. By the end of the summer we were talking again, friends once more. Perhaps not as close as I wished but thats not suprising. Id be lieing I said I was totally better. That wouldnt happen until February of next year. But I was definetly in a better state than the end of 8th grade. School started, and man did I hate it. I never realized that truthfully, the only reason I could stand school so much was because of how happy seeing you made me. At this time in my life, I had no real self-confidence. I was a smart kid, my techers knew this, my mom knew it, but damn my grades sure as hell didnt reflect it. I hated school so much without you, i skipped probably more than 30 days and walked home in the first semester. We talked, texted. But man did I miss you... I only saw you once that year, during thanksgiving break. That was by far the most fun I have ever had before. We didnt do anything crazy. We just went out, had got orange leaf, went to barns and nobles and got coffee, you dragged into bath and bodyworks.. Haha man I think that was, what? The second? Third time just you and me hung out by ourselves in peron? I remember never wanting that day to end. I remember thinking 'what if everyday could be like this?' My love for you only grew as time went on it seemed. Distance has never dulled my love for you in the slightest. Time went on. By Feburary my mom was getting desperate reguarding my depression and alarming rate of skipping school, so she took me out and placed me in a charter school, self paced, self taught. A place I could avoid everyone and just learn. Did wonders for my confidence and my mental health. Since then ive been just fine, had a great outlook on life. Great work ethic. You were always there, cheering me on as I got better and worked harder. Haha I remember we flirted a little toward the end of that you. You teased me quite often texting me on my phone you little minx hahaha. Ah, yeah that had sent me some mixed singals alright. Our relationship was still quite solid. We were close, had grown up quite a bit for the year before... things seemed good. Summer once again rolled around, we hung out on my birthday. That alone made it my favorite birthday I've had to date. We had gone to the movies, and just went back to my house, smoked a bowl or two, and relaxed and watch some Star Wars. Enjoyed our time together. I remember multiple times wanting nothing more than to get closer to you and just hold you in my arms... Eventually you left. Once again, I couldnt help but feel that strange hallowness I experiance without you. Wishing I was brave enough to try to hold you, kiss you. Summer went by. We kept somewhat in touch. The next year, 10th grade, is when I would say we truly started to experiance an increase in the gap between us. We talked yes, occassionally discussing what was going on in eachother lives. By this point, and this point onward I dont think we ever shared another long conversaion. Never since then have we had one of those wonderful nights we would just stay up and just talk and enjoy the others presence... Nope. Those times seemed to have passed. I tried on occasion to start one of those kinds conversations, but something would always come up, or one of your sisters would interupt is and eventually i'd just let you go as we were no longer talking, ect. I think i may have seen you once that year. I dont truly remember it if we did. That year went by quickly. We kept in touch of course. We would always talk about how much we missed eachother ha... I just worked hard that year. Nothing else to do really. I've always been a bit of a loner socially and dont bother making friends. Did quite well, ended up both my softmore and junior year, and became a senior. You were quite proud of me I remember. Once again, I got to see you on my birthday and, well, it was then I think I really noticed the deaph of how much we had spaced apart. We just kinda watched a movie for a few hours and you left after a while. I remember being nervous the whole time. We hadnt seen eachother in so long I wasnt sure how to act. I still loved you, just as much as ever, but for fucks sake I didn't for the life of me know what to say, what to do, how to act. I didn't really know what to do around you anymore. By then... We seldomly saw eachother over the course two years, hardly spoke the year before. We didnt have recent experiances, or interesting things to talk about. Well I mean at least I didn't. As a bit of a loner all I had to discuss was my acedemic acheivement and video games or music. Im sure you had stuff going on in your life but by then... Im pretty sure we had seperated to a degree where you didn't even know where to begin discussing what was going on with you, nor did I know the questions to ask. So yeah that was awkward. And I remember kicking myself again and again over it. Same thing happened in augest when I went to your house before school started.... Sigh I remember thoughout these years you've had a few boyfriends, by the middle of freshman year I had a much better grasp on the true meaning of love: that when you love someone, you put their needs, their wants, and their happiness before yours. So I was okay with it. I let go of jealousy. What replaced it was this heart wrenching, smoach dropping sadness when you were with someone else. But again, I knew that you'd never truly loved me in the romantic sense, just as friends really. I knew this spite of the fact you had told me otherwise multiple times. I know you were just reassuring me to spare my feelings. And in a way, i thank you for that. Hell at times, I even let myself believe it. But I was somewhat hopeful, some peice of me remained stubborn that one day you just might like me even slightly in a romantic manner. Hell im graduating now, and I still have not dated, kissed, loved, or truly considered being with another girl. Ive always hoped you would be my first everything. My first kiss, first girlfriend, first date. Hell one day I hoped youd be my first and only wife... we'd have a beautiful little girl... Sigh. Just dreams I suppose. Then this year cam along. Things only got worse. We've hardly talked. I mean sure ill text you general well wishes most mornings when I can and have said more "I love yous" than one could probably count but really? Thats about it. Weve met up twice this year for lunch but i feel like the damage has been done already. Yes yes we have seen eachother but you know I find it hasnt actually alleaviated my missing you. Its like... Idk I see you but at the same time I didnt. Both times we just talked about old friends, school, advancements in life. Nothing really significant or personal... Only had two, somewhat awkward, hugs with you this year. When, bloody hell, ive always wanted so much more than that. Now... The year is ending and really I recognize that we are honestly little more than acquaintances. I mean yes we know eachothers history, but bloody hell we hardly talk anymore about anything. We have no idea what the eachothers life is like... Well okay you know what mine is like due to how honestly shallow it is but I hardly know how yours is going. And quite frankly i dont know the questions to ask or the things to say to find out.... I just wish we were as close as we once were... Gods how id give almost anything just to be close friends again, romanctic thoughts aside. Now I see that our drift is just... This gaping raveen the size of the great cayon. And I know its only bound to get worse and eventually end altogether... With me going to college and you your own way with withever you decide to do, likely traveling with your beautiful, adventurous soul. I hope our paths interwine once more in the future... Odds are they wont but I mean you never know what God holds in store for us yeah? Ill always regret not getting the chance to experiance something more with you. Never really trying my hand at something more truly. I was a coward. Quite honestly in some ways though, im glad. You really deserve someone much better than I am. Someone who can make you happy, laugh, and feel joy every minute your with them like you have made me feel. Comfort you when you need help, be there for you when your in pain. These are things I've tried hard to do for you, but could never do perfectly. I really hope you meet a man who can do those things for you. You deserve it more than anyone else. Looking back, I can see that I was lucky that I even ever got to call you a friend. And I was smiled upon by god by the fact that you love(ed) me as a friend. That alone was really more than I had the right to ask for really. Thank you, for everything you have done for me. And helping me become who I am today. I only wish I could have helped you half as much as you have me... I love you, forever and always. And may god bless your life and the path you walk on my love.

[andseperand]

thoughts

ive been sitting on this post for the better part of a year. i tried to read through it and make edits, but im going to have to post this as is. maybe ill be able to edit it someday. anyway, this is completely composed of spoilers.

tl;dr: i mostly wrote bitterness about “kung food,” “origins part 1,″ and “reflekta.”

these are my thoughts on what ive watched of the first season of miraculous ladybug (i have watched most of every episode except the last three).

i may be confused or misinformed on some points. some of this is not as serious as other parts, and the writing style is disjointed because i didnt write it all in one go. any links are formatted within brackets (as in [text]).

ordered by the order i initially watched (parts of) the episodes in and indicated by villain name somehow (english, korean, french, french translation, etc.).

stormy weather/climatika

why did alya just toss manon like that? she couldve hurt something just being thrown around with her tiny little bones and joints that lack any significant cushioning. not to mention that her neck is completely unsupported. safety, much?

the bubbler/le bulleur

so the record is fully functional but also survived getting smacked off a building on its edge? wow.

copycat/l’imposteur/the imposter

i get that alya is supposed to be that “go-getter” friend who pushes marinette to be brave, but honestly, if she had waited another minute for marinette to be more ready for making a phone call, this wouldve been less of a mess. yeah, i get the “pushing boundaries to build confidence,” but honestly we could have waited for marinette to stop stalking adrien, too.

i gotta say: marinette is truly fearless. my phone is so suspicious. i would not have the confidence to deliberately touch it with my face and risk contact with who knows what has been on it.

the “moral” or whatever of this episode is kind of unclear? steal someones phone and run into issues with security but then also somehow break into it and get what you want anyway? no, thats not okay. its not that funny that marinette legitimately stole someones phone, and she doesnt even get seriously reprimanded for this.

timebreaker/chronogirl

one of the most pressing questions i have for this episode is why no one thought of using pockets or a bag or something to hold this important watch. hand perspiration is pretty bad for a lot of older and newer mechanical objects alike. why is this clearly-important item treated any different? ive considered both the “tikki is in the bag” (doesnt mean it has to be marinettes bag) and the “girl pockets” (marinette designed her own clothes, though) possibilities, and im still stumped.

mister/monsieur/mr./m. pigeon

how did chloe know what the colors were or even what the embroidery pattern looked like from a pencil sketch? it looked like chicken scratch.

lady wifi

im not sure that “dont violate other peoples privacy” was very well stated, seeing as alya was landed with an unfairly harsh punishment due to corrupt politicians. and how did that get resolved, anyway? was she still suspended? was there even supposed to be a moral in this mess?

the pharaoh/le pharaon

the villain is a pharaoh, continuing the ages-long trend of pretending ancient egyptian culture is just ~so interesting~ and that its portrayal isnt exploitative at all. i cant really say much about this, but i dont like those special ancient egypt episodes of anything.

rogercop

a mess

im pretty sure that this was to save animation budget or something, but why was marinette picking up those croissants off the floor and arranging them so nicely as if it really mattered what she did with them besides cleaning up the spill? i guess ill let it slide if shes trained that way as an advertising thing (though advertising doesnt get a free pass by default just because its strange).

the evillustrator/evil artist/le dessinateur

off topic, but could that tablet also erase or create living beings?

dark cupid/le dislocoeur/heartbreaker

this was still technically a kiss without consent? doesnt really feel all that romantic and whatnot. i cant really get behind this as shipping material.

horrificator

side note: i really liked how chloes english voice actor delivered the lines mockingly announcing mylenes “award” in the beginning.

im not a fan of the “you must kiss as part of acting” plot point. it always gives off those peer pressure vibes from other people and opportunistic vibes from main characters who want to actually kiss the other person.

darkblade/le chevalier noir/the black knight

sabrina is honestly super lucky that marinette made her box have a hole big enough for super tiny animated character wrists or else she wouldve been in a world of more pain.

alya had a platform? im so confused about how this election worked. did they do ballots or some sort of “heads down” in-class vote thing?

the/le mime

seeing as people dont lose their memories of being attacked by the villains, i really dont see how tearing down the eiffel tower (even in an animated show where people are not in the structure at the time) is the best way to minimize traumatic experiences. i get that it was supposed to be a “wow” moment for the plot and just visual effects but not the appeal.

kung food

the second i ever laid my eyes on this name i knew it would be bad, i just didnt know how bad because there were just so many ways it couldve gone with that phrase and i didnt know what to expect until i actually watched the episode. more on this in a bit.

there was literally no point to having the famous chef be related to marinette other than contrived circumstances to get adrien into this episode. im using this as a launching off point for talk of other stuff.

why didnt marinettes parents do anything about a relative coming to their house? this really baffles me because they have their daughter meet an effective stranger with no help.

why didnt marinettes parents tell her what languages the relative spoke? honestly, it kind of seems like they just didnt even care if this would cause her extreme anxiety or anything. you would really think they would have at least discussed this as a family because it was made pretty clear that his visit was actually expected. i thought way higher of their characters until it seemed that they pulled this crap move.

i know it was supposed to be all cute and a bonding moment when adrien came over to translate, but it was even more of a disaster. why did they take a car literally around the corner to get to the hotel? why didnt the chef go directly to the hotel if it was so close? was that adriens car? who was in charge of organizing this event and making sure the contestants didnt end up in the wrong place? how in the world did the chef even get to the bakery? because of the close proximity of the hotel to the bakery, it doesnt make sense that he would go to the bakery instead from an airport or something? unless he was supposed to meet his relatives? which, in this case, was not facilitated at all? so many questions are raised.

i dont speak nor understand mandarin, but im pretty sure adriens wasnt good enough for him to actually be complimented for it. then again, its nothing new to see white people getting complimented for deigning to learn a ~foreign language~ while i get interrogated about my lack of “authenticity” for not speaking “my native tongue,” so i guess the writers were just being realistic.

he bowed...funny story, at least one time i went to a restaurant with other visibly asian people and the apparently-white waiter kept making this weird head bobbing motion every time they left the table and what im saying here is that i know adrien has presumably been learning about culture stuff, but i also know firsthand that creators really love to shove bowing into media whenever asian people show up. (that waiter did give us extra mints, so i guess that was nice.)

sarcasm alert: i love when ~asian~ people have ~asian~ accents. its not like this is a tired gimmick that i dont need to see literally everywhere i turn (oh, wait! according to the english version, it is! hooray for me! this is probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me ever! im not being sarcastic at all! or overly sarcastic to the point where im sarcastically putting in that everything ive written in this paragraph is sarcastic because im just so mad! or maybe it definitely is! it probably is all sarcasm!) [bonus sarcasm here]

the chefs english/default dub language fluency was either inconsistent or this was just a straight-up rude portrayal of a nonnative speaker of a language, because adrien didnt seem to wait five seconds (for the chef to even consider the question about what he was cooking) before talking to the chef (and naturally, being a polite person, the chef listened to what adrien was saying), and i feel like it was only for the sake of adrien being ~useful~ because right after that, he talks to the chef in english/whatever language? dont think i didnt notice that his english speaking got “better” after becoming a villain. you know, if they hadnt faked the accent in the first place, they wouldnt have had to hastily cover for the fact that their voice actor couldnt even execute it well.

im sure adrien and marinette tag-teaming to argue with chloe and her racist comments was supposed to be this whole “wow look at that team” deal, but it felt like adrien was shoehorned into this mess sloppily. woohoo for the white boy defending marinette because she cant do it herself or something! i do appreciate when white people help stand up for me, but in this context, it feels off.

i have such a big problem with the “pep talk” adrien gives marinette when she thinks the chef doesnt like her. first thing, white boy explaining things about a person of color to a person of color, and the two people are actually literally related? i think the bouquet misunderstanding was really bizarre, and when did adrien have time to gain all this extensive exposition? the interview when they first arrived was short, and i dont think that both adrien and the chef would be so rude as to exclude marinette from their conversation in the car on the way over. this just comes off as a way to have adrien ~encouraging~ marinette, and its not a very good one.

this supposedly super prestigious competition literally has no security to make sure no one is mucking around behind the scenes, let alone ensure that the contestants arent up to any funny business. because why not. and no cameras around either, because cooking-based television programs never show any cooking, just the tasting and subsequent subjugation by a villain (this is a sarcastic sentence). even if this is supposed to be a featured dish and thus one they dont want to showcase the recipe behind, they could still have those little soundbites interspersed with candid panorama shots (can you tell i have no idea what any of these words mean?). im just going to have to chalk this one up to animation budget and move on.

i know this was just a sort of (intendedly funny) visual thing, but i highly doubt that the objects chloe put in the soup could just go unnoticed, especially since i presume a chef would thoroughly stir (and taste) their cooking, and the soup didnt appear to have properties of decomposing things touching it. otherwise that tasting session would probably have turned out a little messier (i am completely kidding here).

why is the chef being upset about being sabotaged made into a ~cultural~ thing? why is a white boy telling marinette about her ~own~ culture? sheesh, its like you cant just be upset because your shot at a world title was ruined on live television and you have confirmation that you were deliberately sabotaged. yes, chloe did it because shes petty and racist, but the results of her actions could upset anyone! its not just because the chef is chinese! what is the point of saying that? its a pointless throwaway comment! why dont you just find some other way to get the chef alone so he can be become a villain that isnt a) nonsensical and b) making sweeping generalizations about people? (granted, i cant speak to the validity of anything said about cultures, but i sure can comment on why saying such things about them isnt okay regardless).

“kung food” oh my god. this is such a piece of crap name. it is racist. you can literally try to argue against this until youve gone far beyond oxygen deprivation and in a grave but itll still be racist by the time youre done. aside from the pharaoh, there arent a bunch of ~ethnic~ names (not that it would be okay for that to be the case anyway) running around, and yet we get one with this specific villain whose ethnic and national origin is talked to death? okay.

and ive seen this pointed out, but the villain appearance seems to have a kind of anime-inspired design, which is honestly a good laugh because who was just talking about not conflating china and japan again? weeaboos and sinaboos are often in the same boat.

okay, not related, but adrien just had to taste a suspicious substance off the floor. why. there are so many ways to figure out what a substance is before putting it in your mouth. or you could just not do that at all. before this point, they did not appear to suspect a food-related villain, so this couldve ended badly.

another side note: i dont know how that receipt retained its integrity long enough for ladybug to wrap the villain up after dipping it in the soup. do the magical items just have super special properties like extra toughness that allows them to defy the reality of paper receipts? i wonder how many of the things ive talked about in this post have been me marveling at the sturdiness of lucky charm items.

of course this turns into an ~accountability~ lesson for marinette. and chloe doesnt get reprimanded? yeah, she got booted off a panel she didnt even want to be on and no one actually clearly articulated to her that the things she said were absolutely unacceptable? then again, this is a “diversity episode,” so i dont know why my standards are so high.

wow, marinette really needed to have adrien encourage her before going to take a picture with her great-uncle? im going to be generous and allow that she wanted to make sure he would be okay with her ditching him for her much cooler great-uncle because she didnt want him to feel bad about how not-cool he is in comparison. there, you see what i mean about making up story elements? (though im really not much of a writer, oops.)

im so over people making fun of how others dress as a joke. before i realized that i am autistic and reflected back on my life, i didnt realize that i gravitate toward clothing i find comfortable rather than fashionable, and ive always gotten negative comments, ill-intended or otherwise. so i really didnt appreciate marinettes jab at chloe, even if it was to defend herself. it was just unnecessary.

i want to talk about the whole ~chinese representation~ thing in this show. yeah, i know marinette is one of the very few chinese and mixed main characters out there (and there are barely any that are both), but im going to be super honest about this: i dont think shes all that great. i am a big fan of her and this show, but that doesnt make it infallible. the fact that adrien of all people is telling her about her own culture is a huge failing in itself. i dont know everything about my own cultures, but its not cool to have a literal outsider being shown to be the expert on someones culture and be the one to guide them through that. theres barely any portrayal of sino stuff in the show as is, and i hate the way this is only shown as a kind of special episode topic. i would be way more fine with this if this wasnt basically the sole instance of discussion of marinettes heritage. and no, the fact that her mother wears stereotypical clothing doesnt count. at all.

okay, this has been a huge issue for me before and after this point, but it was in this episode that it was made abundantly clear just what we are dealing with. i know that it is completely possible, genetically speaking, for a mixed chinese and white person to have blue eyes. its also completely possible for a chinese person to have gray eyes even without being mixed (i say this because i dont know if her mother is monoracial). however, if you only have two confirmed recurring characters of chinese descent, and their eye colors are ~special~ colors...well, thats kind of iffy there. why is it that the minor chinese character has stereotypical eyes? theyre basically just expanded pupils for all intents and purposes, which is not the problem, because its possible to have irises that are so dark as to make figuring out whether they have a distinguishable brown tint to them really hard. anyway, i suppose i dont want to talk about things ahead in the season, but why is it that the background asian characters get the stereotypical eyes but the main characters who are asian get the special eye colors? (that was a rhetorical question. i know exactly why.)

im pretty that at some point in the creation of this villain name, someone patted themself on the back for being so ~clever~ like “haha kung food geddit? its like kung fu but with food because im actually not that creative and more racist than i would like to openly admit.” okay, i know im being a bit harsh. but its really annoying when one of the few things people “know” about sino people is that kung fu exists. and honestly, i kind of suspected this, but ive seen other people say that the villain more resembles a villain from anime, so...thats kind of disrespectful there...

the/le gamer

i really disliked marinettes combo move names. they all had ~asian~ words like lotus, jade, oriental, etc.

animan

i find the sniffing scene to be kind of creepy. personal space much?

the city has really high quality buses. i cant believe the bus didnt end up backfiring on their plan because if i know anything about buses its that the ones ive seen are probably way older and more decrepit than me.

antibug

how do the earrings work in this setting? as far as i can tell, it would make sense for chloe to have pierced ears and a pair of ladybug imitation earrings that she could put it, but how is it possible that ladybug was able to just pull the earrings off? because that could be a really, really messy situation if they are actually piercings with backings and everything, but is there an explanation for this? magnets, clips, anything?

the puppeteer/le marionnettiste

can that glowing bright red effect that comes from her yo-yo and the power cord being swung around just for the viewers, or can it actually be seen in-universe? or is that a null point because both items are generated by ladybugs magic?

reflekta

this show really didnt need any “haha look a ~guy~ in a dress” jokes. and honestly, this was ill handled (though arguably, its very existence was ill handled). first of all, im not the best judge of this kind of thing, but to me, ladybug felt out of character while mocking chat noir? honestly, marinette doesnt strike me as the type of person to find that kind of situation funny in the first place, so the premise doesnt really hold up in my opinion. i know marinette can make mistakes, but youd really think she would be more open to not thinking this way because she knows what its like to be bullied for other things. moving on... [though, to reiterate]

the way this was not addressed? at all? yeah, ladybug apologized for that one comment at the beginning of their conversation, but then she continued to make jokes at chat noirs expense, and it just wasnt as funny as it was probably intended to be?

i know the whole thing about ambiguous chronology, but there is no reason ladybug wouldnt take chat noirs opinion into account when planning for things anyway. it felt like that part was written specifically so he could “prove” his worth to the rest of the episode and ensure that, yes, he is still allowed to be in it after being turned into a reflekta lookalike, and the whole thing smacks of trying to write out of a corner...that was written into in the first place. if it hadnt gone the route it did with the mocking of appearances, i dont think it would have had to be as convoluted as it ended up being.

i personally dont care for high heels, but i dont get the kind of “fashion cracks” that were being made about them. like yes, high heels can be hard to move in? yeah, it isnt fun being turned into the appearance of someone who isnt you against your will? i just dont understand this gag.

guitar villain

did ladybug really honestly just full-on spray someone in the face with the contents of an aerosol can? im aware that the point was that the hair was in front of his face, but what if some had gotten into guitar villains eyes? dang, what if someone tries to emulate this in real life? ouch.

digital/numeric

kind of done with the spotlight on stalking behavior this show has.

marinette still shows no fear of suspicious screens. she continues to use parts of her face to touch one multiple times, never mind that she literally flings her yoyo all over the place.

stoneheart/coeur de pierre i

did marinette have pierced ears in the first place? shes not shown taking any earrings out, and we dont get that clear a view of her earlobes anyway. that might be deliberate for modeling budget and all.

master fu has brown eyes. so thats like four ~chinese~ characters that are in this show, and the main character and her mother have the special eye colors, and the minor character who is somewhat important to the plotline has non-black eyes, and the minor one-episode character has the black eyes. what a shining example of diversity (no).

anyway this is a good point to say that some things are just not for you. there are things that you just cant be a part of no matter how much you want to be because it just doesnt work that way. and the mess that is the miraculous “mythology” is definitely an example of this. i myself have very little knowledge of anything sino, but i sure as heck can spot that this...”history” thing is so off.

at this point i should probably mention i really dislike master fu as a character in general. just as a single point, apparently hes based off the teacher character in karate kid? i saw somewhere that the creator said he basically made marinette mixed because he was dating an asian person when he was thinking about the show and that marinette is basically his idea of their mixed kid? and back to the eye color thing (again), ive even seen someone with green eyes and blue hair suggest to him that they could be the child of marinette and adrien, and he said theyre like his grandchild? (im not really inclined to try to dig up an iron-clad, indisputably genuine source for this right now, but if youre honestly searching for completely serious, well-researched information in a really good quality post, this is not the post you are looking for.) i have no idea where i was even going with this paragraph.

stoneheart/coeur de pierre ii

why is marinette so invested in her crush on adrien? this couldve been a sweet crush, but no, she has to make it so creepy? leading up to this episode, i really didnt know what to expect because i really thought there would be some sort of explanation for just how extreme the lengths marinette goes to are, but from what i can tell, shes just being super invasive? the ambiguous timeline doesnt really help with this, nor does the fact that the origins episodes were aired at the end of the season. whatever characterization was supposed to be inferred from this feels choppy and unnecessary.

simon says/jackady/jacques a dit

i dont really blame her, but ladybug totally could have reduced the level of adrien distractedness going on here. shes previously shown signs of compartmentalizing ladybug and even having to face the fact that it isnt worth using up her power over adrien, but gosh golly, what gives?

princess/princesse fragrance

ive seen criticisms of how ladybug was written to be overly competent in this episode, which i think is fair since it keeps happening, and its so late in the season by this point that its gotten tired.

volpina

i try not to be too judgmental, but frankly, adrien is not that great of a prize.

anyway, from what i can tell about this episode, i think that there was too much on marinettes flaws, which i really think is a bit much to have in the last chronological episode of a season. its already been established that she makes mistakes with her decisions, but i just thought her unequal prioritization of adrien was too much. it just seemed contrived to squeeze in scenes that the creators wanted to animate regardless of overall context in the show, which is really unfortunate because of how the show becomes a little less chronologically ambiguous at this point.

[mindovermilitante]

Morning Ritual Day 2

Good-morning All, 

Before we start today I am going to go ahead and try to make this blog post as correct and grammatically error free as possible. However seeing as I struggled to spell “good-morning” im sure this will still probably be crap English. Sorry once again but I must continue on. Ive been thinking a little about this blogs format and how often I will be updating my “journey” and although I do want to make the commitment to post every day, i do want to try and post multiple days if the occasion does arise. I see this blog as a potential escape or a funnel of some sorts to really expel what im feeling at the moment. I guess if you're reading this or if im reading this in the future you can be the audience looking into my life. Potentially acting not only as an audience member but even someone to vent to, preach to, or even gain understanding from. Lastly i want to preface by sayin that i want these to be public knowledge. I think hiding all of these emotions and feelings in my life for what seemed like forever wasn't quite different from when its put in a private folder in my computer. But alas i digress and so begins the blog post for day 2 of my journey into getting my life back...

This morning I awoke with an uneasy feeling both in my mind and my stomach. the day was about to start and so was my journey into “whatever it would lead me to”. As I stretched around and hugged my girlfriend as she made her way into the shower I began to structure my day based on what needed to be done.

“okay nathan you're going on your morning walk. keep it light, but maybe add some distance. when you get back lets make some breakfast. Possibly two eggs with spinach some avocados and blue berries. Ya thats sounds great for the beginning meal for the day. Oh also remember to grab some snacks for the day to keep you going until lunch.”  

At this point my girlfriend had already left for work and i was left alone in the room. Now at this point it really is a decision for me to get up or hit that snooze button 5 times. Not going to lie i hit it one time but got up as soon as the second alarm hit. I put on some nice sweat pants and a comfy sweatshirt, filled up my hydro flask with cold water, and put on a video of Tony Robbins. I believe todays topic talked about “understanding what you want in your life”. If you havent heard about Tony i highly recommend listening to a couple of his seminars because they are incredibly worth the the listen. And so i was off on my walk from this point on. 

Now back in my hard running days i usually had a solid route i would take that i was fairly used to. Something that I could constantly improve on and soemthing that to me could be constant. But in a quite opposite fashion I went the other way hoping for at least an ounce of change in my life. I should probably preface by saying that I live in a place where we do have four seasons (kinda) and fall was the season just starting. The cold weather on my skin, and the smell of morning dew helped me focus on the walk at hand. As I was walking ahead i focused on the seminar i was listening to through my headphones. I cant remember to much about what was said but the main points i got from it were building a tradition or somewhat of a habit to better ones life. 

And that hit me. I think for the longest time i had been developing these wrong habits and ultimately was steering myself into the ground.

Hitting snooze on the alarms to bypass my runs 

Going out to eat when I could cook at home 

Finding time to relax and letting things play out 

Eating unhealthy and not portioning meals 

skipping meals all together 

brushing off new adventures just because they cant fit in my schedule 

I think its one thing to say we have a bat habit, but to have a plethora of bad habits can ultimately lead us down a road of failure. But what about the good habits? I think ever since we are little we a programmed to think of habits as bad things? Well why does it have to be a bad things. Why cant a habit be a good thing. something you're absolutely fixated on and potentially obsessed with can make you a better person in the end. I think so habits need to be looked upon more.So on my walk i developed some habits that i need to start following. They are as listed 

Wake up early to walk( run in the future until Blood pressure is situated). Walk for even30 minutes. Figure out a new route every time or maybe increase the distance you walk 

Start eating healthier and practice proper portion control. Incorporate a wide variety of vegetable. Dont be afraid to skimp out on the red meat and go for the vegetarian meal. 

Drink water and dont stop drinking water. Add a couple lemons or other fruits to it to add somewhat of a flavor profile. 

Talk to your girlfriend, friends, and family more about whats going on in their lives and my life as well. Friendships are built on conversations and it starts wit opening up to them about how you are doing. 

Start understanding things come as they must. Life is filled with ups and downs. Understanding how to enjoy them is the goal. Trying to understand why something happens will get you now where in life. 

Meditate. Even for 15 minutes. Practice on your breathing and understand that you are in control of how you breath and the stress you put on your body. Clear all thoughts in your mind and understand that your body needs to take a break. 

Habits define who we are and can lead the bridges to how our goals are accomplished. Before I knew it i had already walked a fair distance away from my house. I had absolutely no clue where I was. But yet I found myself at ease. As i began my walk back to my home i stopped and looked around. Ive been doing this thing lately where I will focus on three things. For todays list it was a school, a corner house, and some school kids playing around. I dont know why I focused myself on these things but it happened. As i continued on i felt myself feeling something i had not felt in awhile. 

A high of some sorts. The type of high you would only get after a hard run. Had a really gotten myself to the point where a walk would give me that feeling. Or maybe it was because my body had thanked me for getting out of the house. 

“Maybe im on to something” 

I say this to myself feeling great, but slowly the anxiety comes back. I know im on to something but in time it will tell fi that something works out. Until then im here for it.

As i prepared my breakfast the idea of going back to work kept coming up. What would it be like to be back in the clinic. would it be the same. would I like it again after all of this. Case in point... I dont know if I will but I have to make a change. not necessarily a change in occupation but a change in “habit”. A habit to do good agin to understand that im changing the loves of everyone around me and those people I do meet in the medical field. Thinking about all that made me realize i love what i do. But what i need to do is different from cutting out the thing i do already and changing them. Wow that was a little strange to type but okay. haha. 

As i finished my breakfast headed into the shower i took my blood pressure. For me blood pressure can be read as the force  being imprinted on your arterial wall and heart walls. This pressure reading can be an indicator for a lot of things; stress, diabetes, hyper tensions, heart failure. The list goes on and on. Currently based on medical standards a normal reading should be under 120/80. This implies the heart and arteries are working at its normal functions. When I checked into the doctors my blood pressure reading was around 140/90. Yesterday my blood pressure reading was 136/ 85. This morning at 820am 

117/82

Now i thought to myself this cant be right? how can it lower so drastically over night. Im sure its due to my heart resting after a work out or the drastic food diet i have been eating. But I do think in part, its because of stress. Managing my stress is a main part of me getting back to my old self. Now do i believe that its fixed... oh god no... its going to be a long journey. But until that day comes.

Im going to be okay...

Thank you for listening :)