#so if formatting is ever strange thats probably why

[unicyclehippo]

one word prompt: lavender

i shouldve brought flowers right?? that would have been polite shit

oooooh it's THAT sort of dinner date

Irritation prickled at the back of Imogen's eyes. She closed them. Imagined irritation and the cruelty that followed it as a vile little bug, imagined plucking out of her brain and squishing it, crushing it in the fist she clenched tight at her side. She wiped her hand on her jeans and messaged Fearne back.

i dont think so, she said, entirely sincere. Laudna was truly unlike anyone she had ever met before, in a way Imogen didn't have the words for. She could say the woman was kind - but Orym was kind, so that wasn't what set her apart. She could say the woman was clever and beautiful - but Fearne was those things as well, and Imogen didn't feel this way about Fearne. Imogen thought that the truth might be very simple - whatever was different about Laudna was different in Imogen as well. Some lonely part of her mind that she had ignored forever was suddenly loud - and she liked it. She liked what it said, how it talked. She liked being able to hear her own thoughts after a lifetime being bombarded with everyone else's. So no, it wasn't a date. Not the way Fearne was suggesting. It was just that Laudna - Doctor Bradbury - was kind and clever and beautiful and she listened to Imogen so intently that Imogen could finally hear herself and someone like that deserved flowers.

She didn't tell Fearne that, of course.

are you at her place yet?

not yet. close, maybe five mins? why? gonna dotdash me a bunch?

no silly just look for a garden its free cant be assed to find the meme but just know. itsfreerealestate.meme

i dont think thats a real image format

no it is

ok.

plus!! it's sooo romantic to give a girl just one flower it tells her that she's Singular & beautiful

it tells her that you plucked it out of some random person's yard.

and you did that just for Her c'est tres romantique

so if someone turned up on Your doorstep with one flower they yanked outta someones yard you'd fall head over heels for them

There was a strangely long pause before Fearne replied to Imogen's teasing. When the reply finally came, it was heavy with amusement.

i thought you said it wasn't like that

Imogen scowled down at her phone. She could practically see the coy upturn of Fearne's lip, the mischievous sparkle in her eye like she knew the punchline to the joke life was playing on you and found it funny too.

The screen of her phone went blank and black. In the reflection, she saw her own face - the scowl, the permanent frown creasing between her brows, and somehting new. A hint of colour in her cheeks. It was easier to look into the dull reflection than it had been at Fearne's apartment. Her apartment was so bright. There had been no way to avoid seeing herself, to avoid that pang of discomfort - of irritation. But her phone screen was smudged from handling and the dim light of the train and it was small enough that it couldn't show all her face at once. Imogen tilted it so all she could see was the new spots of colour high on her cheeks.

It wasn't a dinner date. She knew that for sure.

Did she want it to be?

Her phone screen lit up. Despite herself, Imogen smirked down at Fearne's message.

i want a full debrief when u get home ESPECIALLY if u end up "debriefing"

//

It was a short stroll from the train station to Laudna's apartment. The hill was steep but it was worth the climb when Imogen turned back to face the way she'd come, hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath, and saw the view. The sky was dull and grey, clouds packed tight together like thin sardines. In between, there were tiny streaks of blue but they were disappearing even as Imogen watched. The sea, though. The sea was wild. They probably didn't have long before the wind that was whipping it into a frenzy hit Emon, bringing with it a decent storm front if she had to guess, but Imogen wasn't afraid; it was awe that held her still. For a moment, she wasn't Doctor Imogen Temult, modern-day archaologist - she was Imogen, a woman standing on the cliffs, watching the churning of the waves and seeing a goddess, her fury, in that power. Stampedes of seafoam horses thundered ahead of the blue-black waves that bore them up onto the rocky shoreline. Ships began to hurry back to the port, appearing and disappearing between the climbing, curling waves. It was reassuring, in a way. Imogen hitched a smile, felt a little of her tension fade. No matter how badly the night went, she had her feet planted solidly on the ground.

Imogen turned and kept walking. The wind began to pick up. A fluttering of purple caught her attention - a different colour to her hair - and she turned to see two large grey-green lavender bushes, shivering in the worsening wind. Imogen stepped toward them and from her belt she took her pocket knife and snipped a few of the flowers, the perfect ones. She tucked them carefully beneath her jacket and hurried past the last few remaining houses that kept her from Laudna.

The gate creaked.

A little ache throbbed behind her eye. This was stupid. The flowers. She shouldn't have taken them.

Imogen dragged in a deep breath. Planted her feet. And knocked on Laudna's door.

[lowcallyfruity]

you should tell me some things about sebepel like headcannons!! If it’s not a bother of an ask, I’d like to know the ship more :3

HIII ANON HIII OMG I GOT THIS ASK AND STARTED GOING INSANE I LOVE SEBEPEL ARHFHFHFHFFBFBFB

UM!!! So!!! Me personally!!! If you want some Sebepel content Epels school uniform vignette is a good place to start!! It’s soooo cute <3 like EEKSIES <3 it drives me insane when I read it be because it’s SO sweet and ARYRUFFHFHHFHFUFUFH. then there’s the Harveston event!!! It’s Sebepel central!!! GRGRGRGRGR they’re so cute in the event!!!

OKAY. So. I’m probably gonna post my sebepel hcs tommorow or like. In the next few days (I just need to figure out how to format it) BUT ILL GIVE YOU SOME OF MY HCS FROM IT TEEHEE <3333

Sebek calls Epel by his name often instead of human. He calls him human sometimes but not as much as the others. People start noticing this and go “huh. Strange”

Sebek loves talking about his lovely boyfriend who is the coolest guy to ever exist!!! (He might even surpass Malleus. Sebek is very conflicted) boasting about how amazing and strong he is for a human!!! How he’s very talented and skillfull.

Epel starts speaking less formally with Sebek and occasionally going full blown with his Dialect. Sebek wants to learn more of Epel’s dialect. And Epel gladly teaches him. ARGHHHH Sebek loves Epel’s accent so much.

UGH I HAVE THIS WHOLE THING WHERE LIKE. EPEL IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY SEBEKS HATRED FOR HUMANS STARTS CHIPPING AWAY SLOWLY. LIKE “wow. This human is so very cool. Wow. He’s so talented and amazing. Wow” AND IS LIKE ONE OF THE FEW HUMANS HE TREATS WITH RESPECT AND NICELY AND ARHFGHGHFHF BUT IT DRIVES HIM INSNAE BE AUSE “HOW COULD HE FEEL THIS WAY FOR A HUMAN?!??” AND HES SO CONFLICTED AND ARGHHHH AND WHEN SEBEK FINALLY GETS OVER HIS HATRED FOR HUMANS HE CAN FINALLY LOVE EPEL TO THE FULLEST AND WITHOUT SHAME AND CAN START TO PROCESS HIS FEELINGS AND AHRBFHFDHJDJDJSJSJSJSJSHS AND EPEL IS JUST SO KIND AND CARING AND UNDERSTANDING AND ARFHHFHFJFNFNFBFJ

Also not a hc I think? But one of the reasons why I love sebepel so much bc I think Epel is one of the few characters that doesn’t treat Sebek like shit (at least from what I remember???)

When it comes to Sebek, I think a lot characters are like “ugh! Sebek is so annoying I hope he DIES” (okay I’m being dramatic but they don’t like him and they tend to express that) but I’ve never seen that with Epel? Epel doesn’t say anything bad about Sebek (from what I remember) he’s always pretty neutral when it comes to Sebek and doesn’t really talk bad about him the way others do. He’s kinda just like “oh. That’s Sebek. He is. Talking about malleus.” Maybe even sometimes like “he’s a bit strange but whatever :)” AND THATS JUST SOOOO ARHFHFHHFHFHF TO ME LIKE SAUSUDHDHJSAISUHSHSJ SOBBING CRYING

Okay so this is where I start yapping EVEN MORE. Basically I just talk about how I personally view their relationship and what it would be like pre-relationship and during relationship. I’m putting this here bc it’s long and I don’t want to make anyone feel obligated to read all of this.

UGH SORRY I JUST TALK SO MUCH. I didn’t mean to make it this long but I just love them SO MUCH. To me they’re a very loving and caring relationship…. Who help each other grow and just care about each-other so much. They’re both so patient with eachother and AUFHFHFJFFH WHICH LIKE MEANS SO MUXH TO ME BC LIKE. Sebek is neurodivergent and Epel isn’t but even still I like to think that Epel tries so very hard to make Sebek happy and like let him know he’s cared for and loved. And It’s just ifhhhh I could talk about them and how they handle Sebeks neurodivergence forever but I won’t 😭😭😭

BUT EVEN WITH ALL OF THEIR WHOLESOME PATIENCE AND I GUESS “MATURITY” THEYRE STILL JUST SILLY TEENS AND YEAH AUGHGHFH. They are SUCH a power couple to me!!!! Like “hell yeah that’s my bf!!!!” And they get so super silly together!!!! They goof around and act ‘cringey’ and hype each other up!!!!

Idk in my head it’s just. They make it work. They are overall healthy to me and hehehe they’re the couple that stays together forever after highschool and everyone is like “WHAT?!?!??” But also not surprised (especially those close to them they’re like “yeah ofc”

I was trying to think of situations that like. That would be angsty or like. Smth. But. I really can’t see it with them? I can’t see them having like. Big serious fights. Maybe like silly play fights that get taken a bit seriously and end up hurting eachother, but, I also think they can end up solving those,, maybe a bit quick? Idk they just seem like the type to understand eachother. Or at least try their best.

Hmmm I think I guess sometimes they have moments when they don’t see eye to eye and they are stubborn and don’t agree,,,,, but again. I think they can get solved easily….

Like idk I guess I see them more having bursts of like “idk man :/“ but they easily go back to like “oh it’s okay :)”

I think on Sebek’s part there is insecurity that Epel will stop loving him because he finally has someone that CARES about him. That pays ATTENTION to him. And he’s so scared of losing that. He’s scared to be annoying he’s scared to be loud he’s scared to talk so much because he doesn’t want to lose Epel. That’s his friend. And eventually his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to lose this person that finally actually SEES him.

But, Epel is always there to reassure him that he will ALWAYS love him. He will always be there for him. Epel will always be there to support Sebek,,, and Epel is willing to learn ways to make him happy and comfortable. Epel will be patient….. and he will listen…..

OH NY GOD THIS ID GETTING SO LONG BUT SIGH OKAY.

I think pre-relationship, Sebek would be nice to Epel!! Bc like!! Wow!! This is such a cool guy!!! And Epel would be like “huh. Weird” at first because like “I don’t think Sebek is like this? People tell me things that don’t match this at all????” So he finds it strange at first. But eventually grow to like it (for a lack of a better word ig) and finds it endearing. He thinks it’s cool!! I mean Sebek is a nice guy!! He’s glad he can learn about him and hang out!!!

AUGH IDK I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH I COULD TALK ANOUT THEM PRE- RELATIONSHIP AND HOW THEY BOTH VIEW EACH OTHER AND DEVELOP THEIR RELATIONSHIP SHIP FOREVER. LIKE UAH. THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME OKAY?????????

IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG. THIS GENUINELY WASNT MEANT TO BE THIS LONG- I GOT SO CARRIED AWAY 😭😭😭😭😭 AOUGH I JUST STARTED TALKING BC SUHDDHDJDJSJJSJSJZJZKSJZ DRIVES ME INSANE.

YOU JUST ASKED FOR SOME THINGS AND I GAVE YOU A WHOLE ESSAY HELP

UGH. They’re just stupid teens what more can I say 😭 they’re so dorky and gay for each other your honor 😢 they drive everyone insane 😢😢😢😢

[professor-catalpa]

[ update on starter pokemon season posts:

i think i have more asks than i can handle now! i'll get to as many as i can but please be patient with me and understand if i can't get to them all :)

once you've made your selection the pokemon will get drawn for you, but it might take a minute because i'm having some troubles with my tablet pen that i need to figure out! it's relatively minor but it is an inconvenience. thank you for your patience! ]

[ceciliablossoms]

Okay bro dumb idea I've seen around but here me out, Diluc, Childe, Xiao, Kaeya, and Zhongli with a s/o thats super loopy on meds. The boys try to get to them to bed but theyre like "sorey in sure your lovely but I have a boyfriend" and fust sleep on the floor

God me dude

i get loopy outta my mind when I take specifically cold medicine

Tumblr formatting his fucking this :')

Diluc

Is briefly caught off guard when he first sees you like this

He'd never expect you to become THIS loopy when you took your medication

However, the more he was around you, the more used to it he became

He always makes it a point to make sure you don't hurt yourself when you stumble or fall

The man's gentleman, he's not gonna leave you on the floor either

He'll help you to your shared bedroom and attempts to cover you

But when you lazily roll out of bed and onto the floor

He goes to put you in the bed again

You swat his hands away lightly

Causing him to cock a brow at you

When you tell him you have a boyfriend and try to "let him down easy"

He gives a little sigh but nonetheless hoists you into bed again

"I'm sure he's lovely, however, you need to rest now."

-

Tartaglia

Finds it hilarious

Especially when you stumble everywhere

Will laugh when you fall on your ass

He'll help you up though and carry you to bed

Even when you writhe in his arms until you fall onto the floor

He clicks his tongue and reaches to pick you up again

But when you roll away from him and say you're taken

He raises an eyebrow but smugly asks you to describe said boyfriend

As you complement him to his face he grows more and more smug

"Is that so? I'll be sure to keep that in mind ~"

He finally gets you into bed and exits your room soon after

Will tease the shit out of you later

-

Xiao

Very confused

Why are you acting so strange

Very wary until he gets used to it

You'd probably have to explain when you're not tripping balls

Stays close by your side when it's time for your to take your meds

The moment you start to stumble, he piggybacks you to your room

Your squirming doesn't phase him

When you slide out of bed onto the floor though

He gets worried and tries to help

Your whining about not touching you because you have a boyfriend makes him pull away

Even more confused now

"I am aware. Now let me help you to rest"

Will probably never understand tbh

-

Kaeya

Heavily amused

Always down for dinner and a show

And the show is you

Expect to be teased both during and after

Will never let you live it down, especially if you complement him

Despite it seeming like he doesn't take it seriously, he takes good care of you

Keeps you hydrated and supervised so you don't hurt yourself

As he helps you to bed and you push him away he chuckles and makes a flirty remark

When you tell him to stop because you have a boyfriend

He chuckles

"Oh? He must be quite the charmer, hm?"

When you nod and being to ramble about him

He listens intently, thoroughly amused

-

Zhongli

Knows that it's just your medication

But he can't help but worry

After all you're so out of it, you don't recognize him

He coddles you tbh

Stays with you at all times to monitor you in case something happens

Sticks to your side like glue and makes sure nothing bad happens

When he helps you to bed, and you tell him that he reminds you of your boyfriend

He smiles at that

When you begin to talk about how your perceive him it makes him happy

Though he doesn't go along with it like some of the others

"Now, now dearest. It would be best if you lied down."

At the nickname you reach out to him and make grabby hands

He lies down next to you

Tbh cutest shit he's ever seen

-

Tag List: @kurokuroshit @clouds-rambles @mika-zuko @yoimimi @tempehlust @duhsies @dilucs-claymore @dai-tsukki-desu @seiiblue @nagatorou @youaskedfurret @fictionalcharactersthatsit @reina-dragoness-aka-rei

[hdawg1995]

Lim asked Ajax to take his telescope and draw the night sky. It seemed like a simple task and when the journey lead to shooting stars, he took a moment to make a wish.

the telescope was heavy as Ajax lugged the thing up the mountain. He set it down to catch his breath, the last few elementals knocking the wind out of him. Earth elementals hit way too hard some times. Looking up at the sky the sun had finally set and the light of the moon and stars blanketed the mountain in a soft glow. It wasn't every day he allowed himself to take in everything Lore had to offer- seeing the forest for the trees, as it were.

Hector yawned, tiny sparks coming from the baby dragon's mouth. It was way past his bed time but he insisted on coming with Ajax on this little trip. Hector looked up at the sky after his human had picked him up to he could get a closer look- and then a ball of yellow-blue light streaked across the sky.

Hector squeaked and flapped his wings, the baby having no idea what that was but being very excited about it.

"Thats a shooting star, Hector!" Ajax's smile almost hurt his face. "When ever you see one, you make a wish!"

The dragon made some sort of sound as he stared up at the night sky in awe. Ajax wondered what the dragon would wish for- probably more snacks or belly rubs.

And then Ajax wondered what he himself would wish for.

The orbs were one idea, but Scalla to be healthy and sane was another. He knew wishing for either of those would be a waste- the orbs were going to be found by him eventually. Warlic was speaking with the Avatar of Fire to make a new Fire Orb after Zorbok threw the last one into the lava, the others are safe, and the only one left to find was the earth orb. There wasn't a need to that wish...

Hector growled and flew from Ajax's arms as a Thunderhead approached. Ajax put his thoughts aside. Right. He was doing SCIENCE and needed to get to the top of this mountain.

Some time later he took another break; carrying this telescope was difficult already, but now he was going up natural stair formations.

More stars streaked across the sky as he rested, his mind wondering to previous thoughts.

Scalla had a lot going on. A lot he was going to go though... Maybe that was why she was his mentor; he has someone to relate to in ways no one else seemed to. He could wish her better, wish all the trauma away, but thats not how wishes worked. He wasn't even sure if thats how MAGIC worked.

Hector crawled into his lap, drawing him out of his thoughts again. He was looking at the human intently, probably asking a question only a dragon would understand.

"Just thinking." He says.

Hector makes a low growl before tilting his head.

"Oh!" Ajax exclaimed. "You're asking what i'm thinking about! Well..."

He didn't really know how to surprise his thoughts. Terrible things are going to happen and he isn't sure how to prepare for them. He KNOWS they're going to happen because Scalla exists and is in that strange instinct driven mental state. Is that going to happen to him? Will he be so traumatized he'll have PTSD?

"I... don't know how to say this, Hect, but i'm thinking about the future."

Hector bumped his head against Ajax's chest and squawked at him.

"The future is scary, bud." Ajax smiles and pets the baby dragon. "Just wish it wouldn't be."

That was a good wish. Yeah! He already knows with Scalla's help it won't be so bad, he'll have someone who will understand and hey! that means he'll finally be able to help her out of her funks. But if its just a little less scary- well, maybe he and Scalla would both benefit from it. Maybe all the future people Ajax knows now -like Warlic, Lim, Ash, and Robina- could benefit too. A future less scary would be nice...

Looking up at the sky again before starting up the mountain one last time, a shooting star streaked across the sky again. and then another, and another. There were so many, Ajax wondered for a moment if it was natural or not. And then one landed at his feet and attacked him.

After fighting though shooting stars and a purple people nommer, Ajax decided making wishes wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

[drop-of-infinity]

Ok here it is! This is kinda weirdly formatted so bear with me, and sorry if it doesn’t make sense with later seasons, I haven’t gotten there yet.

<><><><>

Chapter 1: Season 4

Lazarus Rising

{“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” It’s the truth, obviously. Castiel studies the man who just shot him. He wonders if Dean remembers anything. Cas gripping him to his chest and flying out of Hell with his hand on Dean’s shoulder from behind, a blur of blood and rainbow wings.

{“Yeah well, thanks for that.” Clearly he doesn’t.

{“Good things do happen Dean.” Dean almost laughs. Because yeah, forty years in hell was definitely not what he’d call a good thing.

{“What’s the matter?” Dean is careful not to let any emotion into his eyes. This trench coat clad being may be an ally, but he’s not a friend.

{“You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Dean blinks. The gentleness was what caught him off guard. The angel- Castiel? He wasn’t teasing, he wasn’t mocking- but he wasn’t asking. It was a statement. A very gentle statement that slices through Dean’s walls with its casual wording and kind inflection and briefly makes him feel weak. Oh I don’t like this guy at all.

Episodes 2-4

{Castiel only talks to him in dreams. Because of this, he knows what Dean looks like in his sleep better than awake. His face is a lot more peaceful. Castiel... feels. He wishes he could spare him the pain that is to come. It terrifies him. He ignores it.

{“Cas said if I don’t stop you he will.” Dean does not register the fact that he had just given an angel of the lord a nickname until an hour or so later. He twitches his head slightly, and wonders if said angel will mind. Castiel is a bit of a mouthful. Why should I care if he minds? Dean decides to call him that out of spite.

Episode 7

{They have talked alone before, but usually only in Dean’s head. When Cas sits next to him on the bench, and tells him what the real orders were, Dean can’t believe he’s surprised.

{“I was praying you would choose to save the town.” Now that surprises him quite a bit. He listens to Cas’s explanation, and tries to see humans the way he does.

{Castiel cares. He cares about humanity more than ever, and he can’t put his finger on why. The tiny emotions inside him are growing, and he is scared. Angels aren’t supposed to care.

Heaven and Hell

{“You’re some heartless sons of bitches you know that?” Dean shouldn’t be hurt. He isn’t hurt. Cas is just like the other angels, which Dean knew, and he shouldn’t be hurt. But Cas talks about humanity with emotions he clearly isn’t supposed to have, and this stings just a little.

{“As a matter of fact we are.” They aren’t. Well Castiel isn’t, anyway. He’s supposed to be, he TRIED to be but he’s not. Better Dean think he is though. It’s better. Isn’t it?

{Dean stabbed the demon before it could hurt Cas. He was angry, not heartless.

{Uriel launched himself towards Dean. Castiel stopped him. He tried to untangle the web of feelings he wasn’t even supposed to have, but he couldn’t.

On the Head of a Pin

{“WE. Don’t care.” Cas-thats what Dean calls him and he’s started calling himself that subconsciously because most people don’t address him by name-stares at the ground. He shouldn’t care, he CANT care, but he does. He cares about humans and he cares about the angels that are dying and he cares about Dean. He cares about Dean and he can’t ask him to do this but he has to, he HAS to.

{Cas can’t ask him to do this. He CANT. “If I walk through that door, you won’t like what comes out.” Dean doesn’t like the way he phrases that, as if Cas’s opinion was more important than anything. I don’t want to give him a bigger head then he already has. But they were becoming... well not friends exactly, angels probably weren’t allowed friends. But even if Dean wasn’t Cas’s friend, Cas was becoming his and he couldn’t ask Dean to do this but he had.

{“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You.” Cas wonders if he should have said that differently, but it’s the truth. Dean probably doesn’t like him very much, but Cas had been beginning to see the green-eyed suicidally brave man in front of him as a friend. He doesn’t spare a thought for the fact that he shouldn’t be feeling what he’s feeling. Thinking about it doesn’t make it stop.

{“For the first time... I feel.” He’s not sure Anna understands. He doesn’t even understand himself.

{Cas is trying to reassure him. Dean can see it. He’s talking gently and he’s being kind and his eyes and voice are soft. It’s strange. Why should Cas care if he’s worried?

The Monster at the end of This Book

{“Just so you understand. Why I can’t help.” Dean’s anger evaporates in a second. Cas smiles a secret tiny smile, and some fibre of worry in Dean’s chest melts, just a little.

{Dean walks away and Cas stares at his hands, in awe of what he just did. Dean asked him to disobey heaven and... he hadn’t had he? No surely this didn’t count as disobedience. It was just bending the rules a bit. The voice screaming in his head that he couldn’t do what he was doing was neatly silenced by Dean’s look of gratitude.

Episode 20

{Cas is aware of no feelings other than that he has to warn Dean. He has to. The angels want the apocalypse and his life is cracking and he HAS to tell Dean. Then he gets recalled to heaven, and they talk to him in a manner he won’t know is called “gaslighting” until Dean explains it several years later.

{“I serve heaven. I don’t serve man and I certainly don’t serve you.” Why does it hurt? It’s true. It shouldn’t hurt to say.

{It hurts Dean to hear. Why should it? It’s true. He bets it doesn’t hurt to say.

Lucifer Rising

{He can’t help Dean. He can’t. But every bit of him that isn’t just angel-because there are parts of him that are more now, and he knows it- is screaming that he has to.

{When Cas leaves, Dean knows it shouldn’t feel like a stab. But then again, nothing ever is as it should be with Cas.

{“You aren’t in this story.” “Yeah, well. We’re making it up as we go.” Dean turns to look at Cas. This angel who is rebelling against heaven for humanity, because Dean asked him to. Something odd happens to the mess of emotions in his chest. For an alarming moment, they flutter. He wonders if this is what it feels like to fly.

{Cas banishes Zacharia. He ignores the prophet. He volunteers to hold the archangel off. He wonders if this is what it feels like to fall.

Then Lucifer rises, and neither of them have time to wonder.

[rajmalik89]

Immaterion Chapter one: Small Victories

History is written by the victors... so it can be whatever they want, yet they expect us to believe that an army of demons came through a portal from another world with the intentions of destroying us? What ever happened couldn't have been that bad if we let them live with us behind the walls of Aegus. They’re treated like second class citizens until we need something. We use them for their magic and knowledge of nature, yet hold them at arms length and restrict their rights as citizens of the realm. It seems to be easier to control the masses when they fear and despise each other. Fear and ignorance is likely what start this mess. Acknowledging people as so called lesser citizens is a reoccurring theme in Aegus. In my case, I was just another believer in the Path of the Nomads, able to hold no position in the prestigious Templars Guild. That right was reserved for followers of the Lights chosen Son, a religion reserved only for Pureblooded humans native to the realm unlike the Path of the Nomads which is open for all, human and demonkin alike. It's just a big elitist club, and I wasn't in it until one massive boat fire claimed the lives of my fellow trainee holy warriors and left me as the only miraculous survivor. A few old men speaking of proficy managed to some how get me invited into the Templars Guild despite my religious affiliations which would normally merit nothing but a firm rejection. They believe that I am special but to be honest I'm just another lucky bastard and I dont believe in much of anthing these days, but I must use this opportunity to climb the ranks and gain a position to slowly influence change that will bridge the gaps of division to benefit all the citizens of Aegus.

The demonkin have been more human to me than most humans ever have. Im clearly not the first to think so will all of the interracial couples and people who can trace their ancestry back to demonic tribes. I find it strange the amount of people who have lately either discovered they have demon ancestry, or magic abilities which is something exclusive to demonkin. It's facinating, some people also find it awesome and are overjoyed upon their discovery. Others are ashamed thinking of themselves as less for being of demonic ancestry and being able to use magic apart from light which is the only magic that pureblooded humans can wield. Learning of your magic abilities and proof of demonic ancestry later in life can be a bit of a challenge depending on where in the city you live, which faith you belong to, or job you hold within the kingdom. Well anyway, lets not dwell on the negative and celebrate the small victories. I Helion Sphyrus, follower of the Path of the Nomads, sit in the Halls of a Templar training barracks preparing to become a Templar Against all odds.

Finally I'm free for the day and that goofball Gusteron is right on Schedule. He is a powerful earth magic user who traces his ancestry from purebloods, and the earth demonkin tribes. Most importantly he is my bestfriend and neighbor, one of the few demonkin brave enough to stand this close to a templar training barracks. “Hey sissy boy...haha...lets get the hell outta here.” says Gus. “You can't say that 'round here...ass,” I respond struggling to hold in a laugh. We are encased in dirty looks. Gus wouldn't fight here even if something happened, he will get no justice fighting a pureblood, especially not a spoiled trainee templar from an elitist family. The trainees will be on their best behavior though if they would like to remain here. They'll stay back and hold their tongues like good little daddy's boys. Xandros spits in their path.....Helion sighs...... Hold that thought... “Is there a problem brother,” I ask Xandros, the physical embodiment of most of the issues I've discussed. “Yes... It stinks with him around here, and we aren't brothers pal,” He responds. “ So not brothers...but pals. Well thats progress I guess,” I sarcasticly respond. Gusteron is strug gling to hold in his laugh. Xandros rest his hand on his mace. “Just keep walking guy,” says Xandros. I loosen my shield which was strapped on my back for easier access. “If you ever doubt us being brothers just ask Dad why Moms so sad lately,” I tell Xandros. The sound of dashing footsteps quickly closing in as my shield drops and I turn quickly to catch and stand firm in a defence position. Perfect timing as I've blocked his first strike. That was probably my best move since training. I have never been as gifted as the others which has also caused a lot of hate ever since I was invited to the Templars Guild. Xandros is swinging from all angles, utilizing a combination of flawless foot work and shifting body weight behind perfect form in every bone rattling blow. How can I keep up blocking and draw my mace to counter? “Fight back fool!” Gus shouts from the background. I draw my mace and swing for him, but he dodges with ease. Now on the defensive, he seems less enraged as he dodges my attacks so effortlessly. It must be funny to him how pathetic I am with this damn mace. He doesn't even bother drawing his shield. He redirects my strike with his own mace and sends me stumbling. As I turn back to face him, he is holding his mace upright. It illuminates with light energy just before beams of light project forwards in a conal formation. I don't know what stunned me more, the light skill or the fact that he was able to use a light skill in combat whilst only being a recruit. He was clearly gromed for this unlike me whos father did what he could to prevent me ever being a holy warrior or templar. He lightly shield barged me off balance. He drew his shield finally, but to use it as weapon. Am I really this much of a joke to him. I take a big step backwards in an effort to stay on my feet. In all of the confusion of being blinded, I've left myself open. A upwards diagnal strike knocks me off of my feet completely.

“What is the meaning of this!” An approaching man shouts. There he stood in all if his glory with two of his Personal guard accompanying him. Regnarios Narakus, general of the armies of Aegus and commander of the templar. He is admired by many and despised by just as much if not more. I guess he wouldn't be much good at his job nor be in his position if he wasnt't. “ Unsanctioned duels are forbidden on these grounds... on your feet Sphyrus,” said Regnarios. I slowly wobble my way off the floor. “This vagabond insulted me,” said Xandros. “Now hes barely standing, I'd say you're even. You fought well, now go home,” Regnarios orders Xandros. Regnarios looks at Gusteron, then turns back toward me. “You should be careful what you say to your brothers and tread lightly. Afterall it should be a privaledge being here in your case giving your religious affiliations and associates,” He says. Wow...I'm sure you are starting to see the unfortunate double standards certain folks have to endure here in the quote un-quote great city of Aegus. How ever, I'm bruised, dased, and slightly embarrassed but I can't help but notice I provoked with my words alone. That skill will surely come in handy. Like I said...Small victories.

[hereliesbitches--me]

“Who hurt you?” Amelia

Send “Who hurt you?” + Physical or Emotional to find my muse hurt! (Still accepting, i lost the meme )

There was not a section of skin on Rosie’s body that went unmarred with the test of time and battles. She could not have lived her immortal life without gaining a scar to prove it.

    While once upon a time she was far more self conscious about the visibility of scars earned by battle, and some by her own doing, with the trials of death and revival a constant cycle, Rosie had at last come to make peace with her outward appearance. Comfortable enough to let her shell, once a despised and shameful prison, now bask in the light of sunshine without worrying too much about hiding the discolored skin that marked her as a warrior. But that comfort had sometimes turned to negligence to notice the new formation of bruising and scabbing cuts that happened oh so often;  Always after a showdown with demons that decided to rear their ugly heads in their already congested city. 

It was just a normal occurrence to her now. Getting a chance to restart the life she had once lived, she made the decision in this timeline to be far more active in the battle and preserve her team, rather than call the shots and do nothing in the background as she did in her first run. For she had already lost enough in doing that. The Guardian would not make the same mistake twice. 

     It was suppose to be an evening of catching up, of going out and doing civilian hobbies, and letting Amelia show her the ways of normalcy the angel had never truly mastered. Admittedly, while originally already liking the comforting aura she had initially felt radiating off Amelia, it was the discovery of the Crescent moon lineage that had now truly kept Rosie persistent in finding time for her darling human girl. Having Amelia was like having a piece of Freya… the thought, despite the ongoing quarrels that had always been the signature of their tense relationship between mother and daughter in-laws, was comforting for a woman so isolated by time. Being with Amelia brought her a comfort of an old world long forgotten, even if the secret burmecian had no clue of her familial significance and the meaning it served to the mourning Moon. Freya connected to the old world. The old world, by extension, rooted her to Guts - the fallen son. Having Amelia around kept Rosie distracted from her grieving of her beloved apostle.. of the reality that all that she knew was not the same. It was a gift undoubtedly granted by her high father of the heavens to ease her wounds, and Rosie would make certain that Amelia would not end tragically as all other beings associated with Rosie had once been. Of course, that fixation to be around always tended to distract Rosie from the fact that what was normal to her was not normal to the average human being. Sporting a tanktop and jeans, with a leather coat thrown over and rolled up to her elbows despite the heat , Rosie was initially confused by the question asked of her as concern etched across Amelia’s face.

 “ Hurt me? What do you..” 

Her voice trailed, eyes glancing down at herself in wonder what Amelia could be speaking of. Was it the scars that littered her arms? Looking down at the lines, some raised and dark, others simply lighter blemishes that scattered across her forearm in no particular fashion. Of course, that probably would startle Amelia.. Especially the one across her wrists, the style undoubtedly recognizable in intention. Rosie was quick to tuck them away. 

“ Ah, those aren’t anything new, Amelia. Plenty of people hurt me, but its been so long, the details blur together.. you know?”

Her smile was soft, polite and dismissive of Amelia’s concern. Taking her arm out just to trace them quietly, Rosie studied the faint details only for a moment. The details blurred, yes, but to some extent the memories of every battle resided in her mind. She could recall when the huddles of scars formed, sounds playing like the ghosts that haunt her. Her mind threatens to sink into the hollows out of habit, as solitude so often did, but directing her eyes back to Amelia anchors her in place. The softness of her features.. the innocent concern. The youth.. It makes her warm. Too warm that even the cold chains of grief could not pull the angel back down while she basked in Amelia’s presence. To some extent, Rosie hoped that was enough to relieve the other of her worries. To further her point, she waved a hand to urge it all away,

“ Its okay Amelia, really. Its-” 

Then she noticed where those shining eyes had focused on. Not the scars on her arms, not initially, but rather the bruising on Rosie’s neck that ached when she tilted her head.  How could she not have noticed before?How ugly a color, yellow and purple in a large blotch trailing down from her jaw. It pooled in areas of her neck, in a fine line where she recalled her neck had tilted at an odd angle and caught on the lining of metal lining of her suit only a few days prior. Thats what Amelia had been looking at, not the scars. The stupid bruising. 

You are an IDIOT, Rosie!

“ ..You were talking about these bruises, weren’t you..”

The color flushed from her face with the sudden realization. Bewilderment flashed across her widening eyes, her waving hand now smacking upon the bruising cheek she hides under her palms. It was just too large to cover. Why did she have to blabber on? Why couldnt she just shut her mouth like a normal person would about their injuries?? Rosie grew red, her face a shade suited for her name as her ears pinned back with embarrassment. There’s that sudden need to wither. Her voice had lost its power, her smile falling with artificial support as she recedes somewhat into herself. The woman could only offer a humorless laugh and averted her eyes away into the streets of passing cars,

“ I am an idiot sometimes… Its just an occupational injury I got fighting monsters,Got smacked down and bent my neck wrong, pinched it in the crevice of my armor. 

I’m sorry I didn't realize what you were talking about..”

Now she grew meek, unable to will herself to meet Amelia’s gaze. Her self criticism was harsher than anyone could have ever been of her, and the need to continue apologizing was profuse. 

“ I don’t get to hang out with many normal people, I apologize for the strange things I may blatantly speak on. 

I hope I wasn’t too much..”

[kyanmaaaa]

i told my bro abt this dream and hes just like why are your dreams so dark (so like, tw for this one)

but honestly i didnt really consider this dark it was oddly beautiful if scary. im going to fill in parts with what i think could have happened there but im also not going to include the details for what the room looked like in every scene besides whats neccassary, cause this was so vivid i could try to describe to you what each PERSON looked like and people usually dont even have faces in my dreams!

its still long so heres a read more

beginning of the dream im walking home at dusk and im coming from a direction i almost nvr walk, except for when its halloween. so it may have been halloween in my dream, the sunset is a beautiful BRIGHT orange and its on the side of my house rather than behind like it usually is but thats a minor detail.

cause around the house behind mine theres a very strange cloud formation, much lower than i usually see clouds and its not foggy but its just, theres clouds wrapped around the house except for the front and the wall just goes up and up and up to the top and slightly past the house. paired with the sunset i think thats really beautiful so i take some pics with my phone and go closer just to see how close i can get before the clouds disappear and then i’ll go home

i didnt get to go home, the clouds wrapped fully around the house and a strong, something, stopped me from leaving. also there was like an evil to/riel so she mighta been the one doing that

next part of the dream kinda jumps around so ill have to infer some parts but essentially the house changes from the building ive seen there for you know, my entire life, to a small dark wooden mansion. also muffet is there and guess what she ALSO sucks. and then theres this bitch blond haired human pony tail man and hes dumb and i dont like him. im not allowed to leave and im kinda enslaved i guess (my bro called me a prisoner with a job when i told him and it was stupid funny). muffets off on a job after i get settled in there and i dont know what happens to make me so submissive considering the next part of the dream focuses on another servant but whatever they did was REALLY REALLY BAD cause at every point after this im terrified of fucking up and ive pretty much given up on getting out.

this next part was more of a flashback sequance that happened later but for ease of reading im going to add it here instead. first other servant i meet is a beautiful large green shiny beetle man, seriously hes gorgeous and so well spoken and kind. when he was brought into the house he was introduced as just a regular human man, still as beautiful as ever tho, was hired to play piano for a party. as hes fiddling away with the keys though if you looked around you could see bright shiny green and gold strings just, laying flat against the wall, piano, his suit, etc. turns out those were his beetle wings but stretched out and distorted and at this point hes discovered cause to the untrained eye those look like decorations, but its how his kind disguises themselves. cause he can change his entire appearance except for his wings, so they have to try and hide their wings in the environment around them.

they didnt like him lying but it was calm at first. muffet invites him to a small welcoming dinner, just for a chat. they share a platter of food on one plate, partly meat, but most of whats facing him is just a lot of rice packed into a line. he slowly pecks away at that as he carries a polite conversation with muffet, but nvr touches the other side of the food. after hes abt halfway through it she asks “Why aren’t you trying the other food deary?” and he responds “I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to Miss.” and has a bite.

after whatevers in that food kicks in he keels over in pain and she makes it very clear how things go in this house. he listens, he does not act without being told to, and if he ever tries to pull a stunt like that again he’ll be dead. “Am I clear deary?”

since he was there before i was some times passed since that happened. hes currently being punished by mr asshole blond ponytail man and his punishment is all of his meals are very plain. just rice and unseasoned meat. the chef clearly put effort into each platter tho as theyve been shaped into increasingly elaborate shapes the longer the punishment lasts. im not quite sure why this is a punishment? maybe beetle man isnt getting all the nutrients he needs and thats harder for his kind, perhaps he has a taste for good food and this is just the most the ponytail dude can get away with as a punishment since muffets in charge of the house, or maybe its meant to bring up bad memories of when he first came here.

this next parts, really foggy

back to me and muffets talking to someone through a large portal in the room? plans are made abt making humans lose hope and wiping out humanity. the vegan next to me is very excited abt this and comments on it and im just like, bro, that would be super bad for the earth and also immoral? and shes like oh right. at some point i befriend a guy even tho we hated each other at first but he’s moved elsewhere after some time

time skip to muffet informing me that due to my most recent mistake my family is going to be killed. at this point im just sick of it i’ve been here for months im miserable im lonely, i miss my family im just kinda, unstable

really unstable

im shouting at her if shes going to off my family she has to kill me too cause i cant live knowing theyre dead because of me or live without them, just sobbing, kill me, please just kill me i cant stay here anymore she sends me to my room and i pass by my beetle friend but neither of us says anything, also passed by some buff monster but its irrelevant. i dont go to my room instead im just looking through hallway after hallway, opening a storage closet and just trying to find SOMETHING to work with because yeah im miserable, yeah this is probably going to backfire but you do NOT. FUCK. WITH MY FAMILY! so i have to leave. i dont care if this might kill me i have to get out of there with whatever the hell i can find. what i find is two deflated balloons with little plastic bits inside that when u press a button they light up and im like OKAY maybe i, maybe me and beetle man can use this to signal to each other! thats great i can do this i can. i think i may have been crying and laughing here after my exploring Im hiding behind a sofa in a room in the furthest corner of the house cradling my little weird balloon bundle, just trying to find space to think. im safe because u cant see me from the door and the blinds on the window are drawn already. it feels like i havent seen the outside in a while remember how i said i was really unstable? this felt completely real in the dream so maybe it was real due to dream logic, but it feels like desperation in hindsight. i clicked both of the balloon lights on and realized i could use it as a phone! i need to call mom i miss her so much. so i do and she goes honey where are you? and im just crying and saying i love you, i love you so much im okay mom, its okay, and shes like are you at school??? and i just turn into a mess. at this point i look through the sheer curtains on the window and notice my brother driving a really tall truck moving some construction supplies. it sucks that hes here too but im just so happy to see him even if i know i cant talk to him. maybe if they dont find out we’re related he’ll be okay and then i leave the mansion, and i run. nothing here is familiar. im somewhere in the woods. i try to run to the front and see all of the construction workers there making something, but besides all the people somehow the dirt is just, this sheer cliff up up and up in front of the place. so i run to the back and try to get through the barrier around the place. i think i do but its not exactly easy. i fought off a possessed wild boar, but it was the size you think a pig would be, so like a medium sized dog, it just tried to bite me and while it hurt i just hit it til it stayed down long enough for me to bolt after im some distance away, further into the forest on a wide path i meet a human whos instantly on guard to fight me. i spray paint in his eyes and then run on i meet a strange human on the same path and he smirks at me and puts paper in front of his eyes to stop my tactic. i go hey fuck it maybe the fumes will disorient him and spray and his magic stops the paint in mid air and im like dude that is SICK, before he flings it back at me

i dont know how but i beat him too but the next part of the dream im finally somewhere residential, houses along the water, its a warm but not too warm day, light breeze, so all in and beautiful. i feel like im seeing and breathing freely and clearly for the first time in, i dont even know how long. its bright and while i know i have to run im just going to keep running, im free for now.

i use my little balloon contraption and call up my mom again now that im somewhere im positive no one will hear me. i tell her im sorry but i cant go home, that this is likely goodbye, and i cant guarantee ill get out of this alive but it’s okay. i love you so much. and she has to leave too. i stress this. she has to leave, cut all ties, cut all things that could trace you and get out of there. 

and then my alarm woke me up

its hard to explain why some sections of this dream were so scary, just the feeling of wrongness, isolation, powerlessness, and just some distant pain that i dont know what it was. it felt like the longer i was there the more my world was ending

[imeugene]

So Bob Scerbo’s been posting uncut footage mixed with actual footage plus commentary on his Instagram (@skapegoat256). I wanna say most of it is during the “All Day” era and we’re given a glimpse into the life and processes of the people involved in that project. It’s more or less a Director’s Commentary on the All Day-era, which is pretty sweet. 

With that being said I wanna revisit “All Day” cause it really proving to be a cult classic. I use that term cause I remember it was met with lukewarm reaction initially. It wasn’t anything overtly stated with BMX being what it is and Animal/Bob combo being who they are for that era but I can’t help but shake that a lot of people were kind of disappointed. Myself being one of them. I think a lot of stems from the hype that “Can I Eat?”, the Animal video prior, generated. It was a video of bangers and transformative new forms of riding. It really cemented the Animal crew into a position of universal clout, that East Coast riding is technically and creatively just as proficient as anything on the West Coast. I think people wanted more of that and when “All Day” dropped it wasn’t that at all. 

All Day was relaxed. I think a lot of people would say it was too relaxed. It was a glimpse into a form of riding that I don’t think the media fully embraced yet. It would later become a lot of what constitutes as “East Coast” riding which a lot of elements mentioned would be adopted into mainstream riding in general. The line heaviness of it all. The idea of spot usage which was exponentially upped but I don’t think the climate in BMX was ripe for it all just yet. This is when web videos were in it’s earliest forms and not a medium that was taken serious at all. The full length was the primary means. The thing with full lengths was that there was a sentiment that videos were going to be a very condensed epic form. Only the best tricks and maneuvers allowed into a 20-30 minute slot. The wait time between “Can I Eat” and “All Day” made the hype into this is gonna be another Animal epic. With “Can I Eat” it was very much just that. Lino and Vinnie laid down grinds that weren’t readily around. Hamilton and Scerbo brought forth a a different style and Edwin’s section was nothing but bangers that people are doing today but over a decade ago. “All Day” was epic but drastically in a different way. It was clocking in close to an hour long which was unheard of and the departure from the epic format that was accustomed to videos as a whole. 

Lines and spot usage was pushed in the forefront. Bangers were wins in a different sense. Scerbo does a bump jump rail hop and Hamilton a wallride to 180 on the OSU wall on some 26 inch or something. George Dossantos’s banger was a smith hard 180 done clean on foot tall ledge, even when Jared Washington does one mid section all sloppy. The riding was progressive but not quite in the same scale that most watchers I think predicted it would be. It was a lot of lines and spot usage. Which isn’t that strange to think about today cause that’s what the East Coast really devolved into but at the time I don’t think East Coast riding cemented that type of identity fully, it was really “All Day” that gave credos to that type of riding, being able to make most of a spot and do the right tricks, the right way, efficiently. But like I said I don’t think the climate was right for it just then. People was expecting Hamilton to go balls out bigger and Edwin to do a feeble hard 180 double bar and when it wasn’t just that it felt like expectations were shattered a bit. People didn’t really crap on it openly but I wanna say it wasn’t half as well received as “Can I Eat?”. 

Bob really subverted expectations in this one. I say it’s a cult classic because time has a way of giving merit to what is quality and “All Day” in my opinion is probably the best Animal video. There wasn’t ground breaking riding as expected but it gave rise to a style that was around but never really tapped into. It was almost a cultural experience filled with bird calls, graffiti titles, NYC happenings and it truly immersed you into the scene with the best riders, the unknowns and the guys who did good that one day. All this felt much more relatable in a way that I don’t think any other video really has come close into the scope of realizing. Somehow the standout trick for Edwin is him manueling a whole bridge. A lot of videos have a way of feeling like an advert, it’s polished and curated in a way where the riders and company are the source of focus but “All Day” was a documentary that truly documented the thriving but still very much underground NYC scene at it’s finest. 

I think a lot of it’s honest comes from the way Bob processed the project. He was one of the riders and showcased well what was happening. You see it in the Instagram post how he worked with other riders and made most of everything without ever forcing something to happen. It was naturalistic cause most of the video was NYC and the home of more or less everyone. This isn’t a riding video that was conducted in 10 road trips where the idea of having to produce was in the back of everyone head. In that sense some of the riding is casual cause probably every session of filming was just that. To be in the heart of a scene and capture everything is what “All Day” was. Bob worked with the riders to create an environment they thrived in instead of forcing some type of project on everyone to produce. 

I think thats why Animal has a cult level of popularity with riders all around the world. It has this background ideology that what and who is around is enough. That riding doesn’t have to be epic or extra, that the unique happenings of the scene is credible enough. The riders that Animal have chosen is all a reflection of that. At the time there weren’t any super pros. Edwin was the closest but then you have Tom White who can’t do anything but go big and people like Wormz who are as elusive as ever. It stripped notions of professionality and created a culture instead of a brand. Which has a lot of value if utilized correctly. Today’s market culture is equated with some fancy hashtag or phrase but no one did the bird call sound cause that was what Animal told the watchers to go out and do, people did it cause it was a way for them to feel apart of the ideal. That’s something that Animal did a great job with in this video. Plus as a filmer, that slow shutter is iconic with Animal videos to me.  

I think in hindsight people realize how great “All Day” truly was. Today’s casual instagram riding and the approach a lot of people take in the mainstream was really given grounds in this video. I think spot usage became a real thing with this video, like Vinnie’s first clip where he squeezes in between the rails. “All Day” is a film that is meant to be watched from beginning to end and you know thats Bob’s intention with how he cuts sounds from one section to another. How the session in NYC ends with that bench ledge but then the same spot is used to introduce George D. absolutely murdering it. I told myself I was going to watch a few sections to prep myself cause honestly an hour to me seems a lot these days but I ended up watching the whole thing anyway. It’s a video about the scene and not a intro rider whose good and the banger rider at the end, with the rest of the team as filler in between. Everyone offers something different and new and people find themselves divided which one appeals to them the most. “All Day” is probably my favorite video in it’s entirety. Go watch the whole video then read Bob’s background info on his Instagram, best thing on the internet right now. 

[noodlecupcakes]

Eleven

I got tagged by these wonderful ladies whom I both adore @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash and @jeffreydeanneganstrash

Gonna put a read more as theres 22 questions in total for me to answer

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash questions

1. Do you have any pets? If so, what species, and what are their names?

I don't have any pets myself, but my boyfriend has two amazing doggos called Tilly and Charlie 

2. Your favorite place that you’ve traveled to?

Florence, Italy. Unfortunately it was a stop off location for a cruise so I only got to spend a day there with a very rushed tour, so I would really love to go back for a proper holiday. 

3. What are you currently reading?

It by Stephen King but I would like to point out that I do NOT want to fuck Pennywise

4. One thing that you’re currently looking forward to?

Walker Stalker London 2018, I'm a greedy bitch and have two photo ops with Jeffrey Dean Morgan and I'm so excited to meet him again. I will go into cardiac arrest if he remembers me. 

5. Where do you hopefully see yourself in 5 years?

Perhaps engaged to my other half @mk-vi (no pressure daddy), and hopefully in a much better job

6. Your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Hmmm, I think I would have to say Strawberry or Milky Way

7. What’s the best piece of advice that you’ve ever received?

Write for you, if your not happy with your work then there's not much point 

8. Favorite brand/chain/type of coffee?

I don't like coffee, or hot drinks for that matter

9. One thing you never leave home without?

iPod, I have to have music 

10. Name 3 things (can be physical, emotional, etc.) that you love about yourself.

1. My boobs. Pride and joy baby

2. My sense of empathy although this does involve crying at multiple books/tv shows and movies

3. How persistent I am when it comes to writing. I gotta get a chapter out at least once a week unless something comes up. 

11. If you were to recommend one published book/series for me to read, what would it be?

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO SERIES, (just the first three, we don't talk about the new trilogy) by Stieg Larsson. This is like my all time fav series of books to read. Lisbeth Salander is strong independant woman goals. 

And now for @jeffreydeanneganstrash‘s questions 

1. Was there a book or movie that you read/watched that truly disappointed you? If so, which book/movie and why?

I think Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice was absolutely unreadable garbage, yet the movie was soooo good. The book is just given such an awful format, it's not a pleasure to read, its more of a chore. If your recalling memories I don't want the whole damn book to be you reciting them. Maybe lets do some time jumps and you write out the actual memory. 

2. If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

Hmmm, I’ve always been fascinated by Ancient Egypt so probably then, although Im sure I wouldnt last long at all. 

3. What is your favourite quote or song lyric?

Quote:  Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee - Agent Dale Cooper - Twin Peaks

4. Who is you least favourite “popular” celebrity and why?

Any of the Kardashians like what are they actually famous for again? 

5. When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood…who are you gonna call?

The fucking police 

6. Would you ever play with a ouija board?

FUCK NO. I’VE WATCHED TOO MANY HORROR MOVIES TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN GO NEAR ONE. 

7. If you could be a part of any T.V./Movie universe, which would it be?

Oh jesus fucking christ. *flops* How can I pick one? As much as I would like to say The Walking Dead I honestly don't think I would survive. So maybe Gotham or Steven Universe 

8. Do you prefer mornings or nights?

Nights as my brain activity seems to go through the roof and thats when I find it easiest to write. 

9. Can you name 11 things that are around you?

1. Empty plate

2. Sweet wrappers

3. Phone

4. iPod

5. Pens

6. Notebooks

7. Printer

8. Multiple colouring books

9. Colouring pens and pencils 

10. Sunglasses case

11. Nail clippers. 

10. Black or white?

Black

11. What is the soundtrack to your life?

Hmmmm probably a mixture of Sempiternal by Bring Me the Horizon and Electra Heart by Marina & the Diamonds 

[tragic-gays]

anyways never once have i ever had enough alcohol to become even mildly tipsy but NOTHING is more fun than oc tolerance levels bcs then fuckshit happens and u kno i live for drama and shitty shenanigans

fhjgk im literally listing it out bcs i cannot think of any other format and also i need to remember for next time i draw so this is a self reference more than anything. its only these 4 bcs theyre the ones ive been working on for a bit

nathan and cass have a higher tolerance and regularly come up with the stupidest ways to mix alcohol, much to the abject horror of everyone else. best thing is that they get a bit drunk they end up becoming an unstoppable force and create the dumbest and most dangerous shit together. mischievous levels go way up and that usually ends with the destruction of a wall or luke running on fumes in his attempts to escape their combined wrath, aka making fun of him in as many ways as possible, and making the next few hours with him a hazardous hell filled with multiple safety regulations being broken (and probably a some bruised ego in its wake)

val also has good tolerance but they mostly drink wine and they never get drunk, just mildly tipsy at best because honestly being drunk isnt that fun. though they start to laugh a LOT and gets strangely wise like how the fuck, the juxtaposition is wild

luke has terrible tolerance. almost none. its actually kinda funny. thats why he always tries to sneak off when he knows the siblings are anywhere in the vicinity with a bottle of alcohol because he knows that theyd try and pull something, and he knows that the second they figure out how much he cant handle alcohol, he’d never hear the end of it. he acts like he thinks drinking is the worst vice on the planet to try and get them to lay off, so they think hes just too stuck up. i cant stop thinking about this oh my god he just literally cannot handle it at all, its embarrassing for the image he has fhgfjhgjg talk about wounded pride

[marionvirginia]

“Executive” – Jaden Smith x Lil Skies | Type Beat 2019 | Free Trap Instrumental

I’m a producer in the exact same industry, but thankfully (for you) I’ve been on your side of the pond too.

Yes, that’s right! I utilized to call myself an artist and I had this insane fantasy of ending up being an effective artist. Sounds familiar?

I utilized to spend hours on Soundclick.com to search for that right track. And when I discovered it, I downloaded the totally free version (with tags and all) and recorded the next day. I wasn’t even buying the beats online! (Oops. bad example).

So without understanding a thing about mixing and mastering, I bounced the track to an MP3 (In low bit-rate so that it would not take excessive area on my 128MB MP3 Player) and let all my friends hear it the next day. What do you think their response was? Okay enough, let’s get back on subject and give you these pointers for purchasing beats online.

1. Go to the Producer’s own website (even if it’s Soundclick!!).

So, you wish to begin buying beats online for your new job( s) and you finally discovered that heat on, for example, YouTube or Soundcloud. (Soundclick is not mentioned because it’s slowly dying).

STOP!! Don’t you even begin composing a single word!

Make sure the beat is still readily available. You truly don’t want to know the number of times I have needed to disappoint a good artist by telling him or her that the beat is no longer offered. If your record is really good, that’s messed up for both people.

Also, examine if the website is ‘alive.’ I have whatever running on auto-pilot so when I’m away for a month everything still runs efficiently. Not all producers are fortunate to have such an automated system. Merely send an e-mail stating that you want to PURCHASE. If the site lives, you’ll see how quick they are to respond.

By the way: I have actually checked out some short articles from producers about this subject and the pointers they have for purchasing beats online and somehow they declare you need to not buy from Soundclick pages. Wow, what’s that about? If the producer’s site is a Soundclick page it actually does not indicate he or she is not trustworthy.

Just make sure you utilize PayPal when you’re purchasing beats online. You can constantly open a claim if a producer is not sending you the audio you have actually acquired. (HA-HA! Another suggestion). 2. Don’t buy the MP3 Leases if you consider yourself an Artist!

Like I pointed out, I utilized to utilize lousy MP3 formatted tagged files. Given that you’re looking into buying beats online instead of downloading them for free, it tells that you’re serious about your craft.

MP3’s are low quality and you can actually tell the difference when you start mastering the final track. Ask any audio engineer you know.

Significant Labels and A&R’s are constantly searching the online community for possible super star artists. Even if you composed a killer hook, recorded lovely consistencies and have actually developed a prospective Signboard charting track, when the audio is crap they fast forward to the next track even prior to they pertain to that hook.

Tracked-Out leases are the very best option since they (generally) include the raw files from the production task and haven’t been limited or compressed. Unfortunately, this is not always in everybody’s budget plan.

Because case; Go for the WAV rather. 3. Know your rights for both exclusive and non-exclusive licenses.

This is quite apparent, however still, I wish to deal with 1 specific topic. You probably know about all the producers having these great overviews with what features a specific license and what not. Do not be deceived!

READ THE PDF LICENSE AGREEMENT!

Everyone who sets up some kind of an agreement has small print added somewhere and trust me (or even better. don’t trust me. Just trust no one!) it’s not going to be all up in your face while checking out the site.

4. The Online Beat Market is vague, keep your eyes and ears open!

Wow, I said it. However it’s true! Finding and buying beats online is just too damn simple. You can discover whatever you like and there are 100.000’s of producers out there that have actually developed 1.000.000’s of beats for artists worldwide. However.

MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE HANDLING! What are music beats? In music and music theory, the beat is the basic unit of time, the pulse (routinely repeating event), of the mensural level (or beat level). … In popular usage, beat can refer to a variety of related principles consisting of: pulse, tempo, meter, specific rhythms, and groove.

Have you ever encountered a producer who offers Exclusive OWNERSHIP for $50? I wager you do.

Those are the kind of producers who are in it for the quick loan. They are selling you all the rights which is just plain foolish of them, however also an unsafe person to be working with for you.

Why?

Individuals who are driven by cash and by loan only are the ones who can’t be relied on.

Whenever you’re working with an online producer, particularly when it comes to Exclusive Rights, ensure you have all the documentation reviewed before making payment.

Have a look at all the information and make sure you get a signed copy from the producer once you’ve made the purchase.

This is not a strange thing to ask and if the producer is trustworthy he will do that for sure. However when he starts acting all strange about it, it’s in your benefit to get out as fast as you can.

I’m not stating that this is typical for all producers who sell $50 exclusives of course! Just know who you are handling. 5. Bulk Offers– The Golden Tip (Producer World inside-information right here).

Okay, so state that you went on a producer’s site and you found 3 or 4 beats that you really like, however your spending plan only permits you to purchase 2 today. “Oh well, I’ll just come back later on when I get my paycheck and purchase them then.”.

You’re super thrilled about it and can’t wait to acquire them and make some hits.

Okay okay, capture your breath and take a moment, due to the fact that DUDE (or woman). EXAMINE THE BULK DEALS!

Producers have Bulk Offers going on all the time. Like, buy 1 get 2 complimentary for example.

You truly do not want to know on the number of celebrations artists purchased 3 licenses from my site while they could have gotten 5 instead. They just didn’t see the ad to add 2 more to their cart free of charge.

I know how hyped you can be while you remain in your zone vibing to those beats. Believe me, I get it! You can’t wait to drop your magic on it but “begun!” Do not let 2 Free Beats go to waste because of that. So now for the Golden Idea; What if the producer does not have a Bulk offer going on?

SEND AN EMAIL!

Us producers are ALWAYS in to make a deal. Just inform him that you found 4 beats, but can’t pay for to purchase them all right now. Ask if he got any offers going on today or anytime soon and if he would think about offering 4 for the cost of 2.

You will most likely get an action like;” No, however I can do 4 for the price of 3.”

BOOM!! You just got yourself 1 FREE license!

It does depend on how high the total rate of your order will be. Producers are more than likely to negotiate if the total amount that you are offering is anywhere above $50. Just make a deal he can’t refuse.

Try it and you’ll see that it truly works! That’s it, people!

These tips I gave you all came from my personal experiences as both an artist and producer.

Once again; Discovering the best music for your task( s) online is becoming far too simple. You just need to know what you’re doing and comprehend a little about the fundamentals prior to you begin purchasing beats online.

If you have any questions about this, let me know and I’ll assist you out with it!

All the best on your Journey through music.

Nah just joking! Keep it fun and keep doing it for the love of music. Do that and you’ll see the chances crossing your course soon.

First Time Purchasing Beats Online?

I have actually been selling beats online for a couple of years. Before I started doing anything related to making beats, I sat on the opposite of the table.

I utilized to rap. I used complimentary beats and I was buying beats from online producers.

Since I have actually rested on both sides of the table, I can picture the situation that you’re in right now. The entire reason you have actually chosen to read this short article.

You’re getting going with music, but you’re preparing to take this seriously. Or, you’ve already been doing music for a while but things are beginning to get more serious. You’re looking into purchasing beats because you’re done using tagged beats. I get it, it’s sidetracking. Or perhaps you have actually reached that level where the rational next action would be to effectively accredit the beats you’re using.

If you acknowledge yourself someplace in these lines, then you’re right where you need to be.

Due to the fact that I am going to tell you whatever you require to learn about buying beats online! Utilizing Free Beats

First, let’s talk about free beats.

The simplest way to recognize a free beat is by the producer tags that you hear every 30 seconds.

When you buy a license for a beat, it will no longer have the tags in it.

If you’re in the ownership of beats without a license contract from the producer. Then you might consider that a totally free beat also.

Because case, you’re not licensed to use it for commercial purposes. Producers vs. Artists conversation on Free Beats

There’s been a discussion going on for years. Absolutely worth explaining a little more.

Producers dislike it when artists request complimentary beats. And yes, it takes place all the time.

When you’re searching for beats on YouTube. The majority of the titles you’ll discover say “( FREE) BEAT” or “FREE DL.”

So, they’re offering free beats but then grumble about artists utilizing their beats free of charge.

How is that NOT confusing?.

The reason we do that involves marketing methods and ranking on YouTube. It’s simply click bait.

In defence of the producers, including myself. Believe me when I say that many artists are making the most of our craft and effort. And that is just rude if you ask me. What are music instrumentals? An instrumental is a musical composition or recording without lyrics, or singing, although it might include some inarticulate vocals, such as screamed backup vocals in a Big Band setting.

My music is downloaded numerous countless times in the last number of years. Most of them illegally.

Think of the headaches …

So, I don’t feel bad about asking someone to purchase a beat with an appropriate license that features it. It makes it simpler for all celebrations included. What can you do with a free beat?

Not much … A minimum of, nothing commercially or successful.

Publishing on Facebook. Is that commercially? These days, yes.

Same opts for YouTube and Soundcloud (both are streaming services).

I offer totally free beats to let artists …

Try it out prior to they purchase. Tape-record vocals and see if their vocals match the key of the beat. Tape a demo and get feedback prior to acquiring a license for it.

I am enabling them to make sure that it’ll be worth the financial investment.

Often I do permit individuals to publish their songs developed with my free beats to Social Media.

But if I want to take the tune down for no reason. It’ll be taken down within minutes.

Yes, I can do that. Do not tinker complimentary beats!

It’s amusing because there is in fact no such thing as a FREE BEAT. If you are going to ask for something for free, request for a totally free LICENSE.

If you’re using a beat for which you have not gotten a license agreement in writing from the producer. You’re unauthorized to utilize it. And you might get in severe trouble.

As you can see, the statutory damages for copyright infringement are extremely high. Trust me, you don’t wish to mess with that.

Buying beats online– How does it work?

By acquiring a beat, you are acquiring audio files that are copyrighted by the producer. In return for your payment, the producer grants you a number of rights to use the beat.

This is what we call the License Agreement. There is a difference between:

Non-exclusive licenses Unique licenses.

The biggest distinction is that a non-exclusive license for one beat can be offered to a number of artists.

Yet, a special license can only be offered once and to one artist just.

In this article, I will just address the topic of non-exclusive licensing.

Various licensing alternatives– Which one to pick?

Online producers use various licensing options. In my case, I have 3 options.

Fundamental Premium Limitless

Some producers call them MP3 Lease, WAV Lease or Requirement Lease but it pretty much works the same.

The more costly your license, the more rights you get from the producer.

Also, the more costly your license, the much better quality audio files you will receive.

So, what is the best option?

I am not gon na lie. The majority of people that are buying beats online choose the less expensive licenses. One that includes less user-rights and low-grade audio files The user-rights granted in those cheaper licenses might be enough for them.

Yet, more significantly are the quality of the audio files.

If you’re aiming to develop quality music or at least wish to make music the proper way. Then ensure you get the Tracked Out files.

If possible, always go for a license that features Tracked Out Files. In my case, that would be the Premium or Endless license.

When I buy a beat– Do I own any copyright?

As soon as you write your lyrics and tape-record it over the beat, you will own the copyright to your lyrics just. And what you will develop with the beat is a New Song, also known as a “Derivative Work.”

This implies that you will own and control 50% of the so-called “Author’s Share.”

The producer will own and manage the other 50% of writer’s share.

You do not own the master or the sound recording rights because New Tune.

You have been licensed the right to utilize the beat and commercially exploit the song you make with it. Based upon the conditions of the license arrangement you have actually acquired.

The producer will stay the sole owner and holder of all right, title, and interest in the Beat. Including all copyrights to and in the sound recording. And the underlying musical compositions, written and made up by the producer.

What if I buy a non-exclusive license, then another person purchases the exclusive license for that same beat?

When it concerns purchasing beats online, you’re granted the rights that you got when you acquired the beat.

So, when somebody else acquires the exclusive rights, it will not (right away) affect you.

But there are some things you require to know …

In the old days, you were approved the user rights in the non-exclusive licenses for life. And the majority of producers still run by doing this.

Nowadays, some producers offer licenses that end after 2-4 years. In my case, my licenses expire after 4 years.

This implies that you will have to buy a brand-new license after that term.

If someone acquired the exclusive rights during your term. That will just mean that you will no longer have the ability to restore your license. After your term is due.

Producers don’t constantly show this info in their licensing tables. Make sure you check that prior to you make the purchase.

Another thing!

I have actually seen just recently that some producers install a brand-new term in their license contract.

One that approves the producer the right to end your license agreement even before your term is due.

The producer consists of in their agreements that they’re enabled to terminate the license arrangement upon written notice to you.

In return, they will pay you double or triple of what you’ve initially spent for the beat.

That does not have to be a problem for you, however whether it is, depends entirely on the success of your tune.

Always inspect your agreements before purchasing beats online!

Buying beats online– Is it safe?

Many producers use a Beat Store Provider to sell their beats online. The most typical ones are:

BeatStars.com Airbit.com

These platforms both have an excellent credibility for representing producers and their music. That’s why a great deal of producers’ sites and music players look the same.

These music gamers have instant shipment after checkout.

After you have actually made the payment, you will be rerouted to a download area. And you’ll also receive an order verification by e-mail.

If you’re not exactly sure if a producer is connected with one of these platforms. Go to the BeatStars or Airbit website and search for the producers’ name.

If they are on it, you can make the purchase from BeatStars’ or Airbit’s Marketplace, simply to be safe.

If they’re not on these platforms, reach out to the producer with any issues you have. They’ll respond when you tell them that you have an interest in purchasing beats from them.

Before you connect; Make sure you’ve inspected the website for a FAQ section. If you’re asking concerns for which the answers are right in front of you, they do not constantly respond.

Bear in mind … On platforms like BeatStars and Airbit, producers still create their own license contracts. They operate on their own terms.

Before you purchase a beat, always examine the complete license contracts or licensing terms.

Like I said, those flashy rates tables don’t always reveal you everything!.

Here are some pointers for buying beats online:.

Pay with PayPal or Stripe. Check if the producer offers through a BeatStars or Airbit gamer. Check Out the License Agreements. Reach out to the producer with your concerns.

[joemuggs]

Hairdressers, Scorpions and a Twisted Touch

Just realised this has never appeared online before.  It’s an interview I did with Samy Ben Redjeb, the man behind the extraordinary Analog Africa label, about his life of music-hunting. It was for a feature in the Amsterdam Dance Event yearly book about crate-digging - there are also interviews with JD Twitch, Nina Kraviz, Jameszoo and Antal from Rush Hour Records. I’ll put them up another time!

JOE MUGGS: Can you pin down a moment when your record collecting obsession began?

SAMY BEN REDJEB: Around 1995, I had bumped into an album by musician Oliver Mtukuzi from Zimababwe called Shoko, recorded in berlin in 1991 for the Piranha label.

It was a selection of new recorded tunes that had originally been released and recorded in the 1970s and early 1980s. I seriously love those songs and decided to travel to Harare and Bulawayo to try to find these original records. I was working in Senegal at the time, as a DJ in a hotel in a place called Mbour, about an hour drive south of Dakar. I resigned from that just so I could spend a few month in southern Africa looking for records. I still have to laugh thinking about that because it wasn’t a wise thing to do but well, how do you say? No risk, no fun!

I took a bus from Jo´burg to Bulawayo, the second largest city of Zimbabwe, and started asking around for vinyl records. I was not obsessed by vinyl in itself – I'm still not in fact – but there is no choice then but to look for them since most of the stuff I was and I am after can only be found on that format. I walked around the city and started asking around and at some point got attracted by some music and I was disappointed to find out that it was a hairdresser blasting Sungura music to attract customers... or so I thought. I entered and realised that there was a whole shelf of vinyl records. I asked the gentle behind the counter if he had any if they had any Oliver Mtukudi LPs to which he responded by starting pulling out a few.

One thing I will never forget, beside the fact that he had a perfectly functioning record player, was that when asked if he can play these record out, he selected one, and instead of playing the very first song, went further with the stylus and played the third or fourth song of the side which happened to be my favourite tune of that Shoko LP I mentioned above. So that was one of these moments I can pin down as the beginning of my love story with records.

What I learned that day is that in the 80s hairdressers and record dealers joined forces in some kind of “I rub your back you rub mine” symbiosis, like the amicable arrangements you´ll find in animal kingdoms, at least that the picture I have in my mind. A few days later I had covered al of Bulawayo´s hairdresser, something I continued doing in Harare. It worked!

So that was your start in serious travelling in search of new records?

Well yes, I started around 1995 – but later, in 2001, I took the whole “Record Safari” travelling experience to another level!

Can you describe the feeling when you come across something magical while digging for records?

Generally the magic happen later, once you get to your place and put your ears and mind to the record you´ve found. While searching you can just “feel” if something is interesting or not, and since a good song often only reveal itself after a few listen, patience is what is required.

Tunes that blew your mind the moment you hear them are generally are those that do not last too long. Thats also one of the reason why it is difficult to appreciate an LP in a shop, it can go well but it can also go totally wrong and it has happen to me more then once to been blown away by a tune, buying the record only to then have it then placed to the “records you´ll never listen to again” section.

On the other hand there are the records you´ve heard somewhere played by someone and have been searching for it for years… to find one of those, when you already know what it contains, is a magic moment.

What's your greatest or most surprising find so far?

Probably finding three mint copies of Hailu Merguia's instrumental LP in a city called Jos, in Northern Nigeria. That was very surprising. How did they land there, in a place where nobody listens to Ethiopian music?

In 2005 I taken to the house of a gentlemen that used to work as a customs officer. As a side job, he had opened a few record shops, registered on the name of his wife, a lady from Cabo Verde [Cape Verde Islands]. Back then, the arrival of the cassette, which is more affordable and more resistant against heat and dust, had taken everyone by surprise – and from one day to the next, vinyl was out. So our friend had packed all the vinyl records in boxes and had placed all the stock in his house. That stock was divided in two. One part was stocked in one the many rooms of the house, locked by key for ages, and the other part was stocked in a garage behind the house, a stock he only showed me after I had paid for the records found in the first location. And yes the cliché is right, older African music producers and dealers are often grumpy!

And why I am telling all of this is because in that place I found most of Orchestre Poly-Rythmo de Cotonou´s output – and in fact quite a few of Analog Africa releases have been compiled with the music I found in that one place.  

You must find yourself in strange or even scary places when searching for records?

Well yes, that garage I was telling you about was infested with scorpions who had nested themselves between the records, some we only saw crawling over our hands. I must have been under the influence of a lot of adrenaline because I didn’t even care. Crazy times.

After a week going thru the whole stock and selecting, after we left, someone was hired to put sone order in the mess we left behind. I returned to that house a few weeks later to go thru all the stuff again to see if I had missed anything. When I arrived I was greeted by the 12 year old grandon who told me that the guy who sorted the place after our departure had been taken to hospital after a scorpion had stung him. The old producer who heard the discussion came running into the room to slap the kid screaming “you want to discourage customers from coming here??”.

As I said…grumpy!    

One of the weirdest moments was at the Ghana-Togo border. Firstly, that place is total chaos and public transport can’t travel across it. So you have to find people that will transport your luggages from one side to the other.

I had returned from a two-month record safari in Benin and Togo and had filled three metal cases with records and had planned to travel to Ghana to ship to Germany since it was much more affordable then from the two Francophone countries. I managed to find a few people to help me out and before I knew it three guys, the cases on their head, were heading towards the Ghana border at high speed while I had to go through customs and all the other nonsense when you are a white man going through borders in West Africa. Being held a few times by officers asking for “a drink” my precious cargo started to disappear in the distance until I lost eye contact. That did not feel good at all. Fortunately the “helpers” were waiting for me on the Ghanian side.

Have you ever made a serious investment of time/money/travel in the hope of finding a particular title without knowing for sure it would be there?

One time, while preparing the compilation Legends of Benin I travelled to Cotonou especially to look for one song called “Ya Mi Ton Gbo” by Antoine Dougbé. I had a totally unusable copy of that tune, trying to restore it didn’t bear fruit, and I knew I couldn’t release that project without that track. Arriving in Benin I started a radio advert asking for that particular record. A day later I got a call from a guy who had two copies of that tune with two different covers. On one of the Antoine Dougbé is standing in front of his car holding a machete!

What are your "holy grail" records you would leap up and get on a plane for if you heard of a copy?

I don't have a particular holy grail, not at the moment anyway. But I generally think in terms of projects, a body of work from one artists or a country. I get on a plane with the idea of showcasing a scene or a particular artist.  

Do you find crate-digging competitive? Do some people do it for the wrong reasons?

Not sure. Have you realised that 99.9% of the people collecting records have a penis? Why is that? Maybe women just don´t need to show off a record collection to boost their ego - while in the meantime we men haven't stopped “hamster-ing” records often for the wrong reason, to boost the numbers. I am often asked “How many records do you have?” but to be asked to “call a figure” has always been a strange feeling. A collection should be about quality and not quantity.

Someone with a smaller collection has a much better overview and can then get the best out of it, and thats something I have experienced myself, DJs with less records playing better music because they have more time to understand what they have. So we guys need to stop what I can only describe as “penis size competition” and see vinyl as a tool to promote music rather then an object to be accumulated that might even be too precious to play out.

How have your collecting habits affected the character of the Analog Africa label, or vice versa?

The label has definitely affected the way I was looking for records, I am much more specific about what I am searching for. I would go for periods where I just concentrate on one particular country to make sure I have enough material to be able to select and present the best possible compilation.

I tend to like music that sounds a little wired, music that has a twisted touch, or that is played in a untypical way. I love psyched and hypnotic sounds also and that has had an influence on the label´s fingerprint!

[kkukkung]

Your tag on the wonho pic with the cushions was bad even for you and you tagged 'soft' after that I can't believe it

im a soft stan.. uwu

HUge ask compilation under the cut yikes omg

twitter*com / arya940115 / status / 850724933906735104 WATCH THIS BUNNY!

[link] i can’t believe i have anons that call me “bunny” jkfsdghg this is?? matty’s impact. and I KNOW hyungwon rly died? it’s so interesting how wonho is so soft but he can also… kill a man… this is so h*t

sncksndnxinsjdcjcdknckksnsnxnkzndidh ive been on ur blog for an hr and a half now just reajdng ur tags and i jsut jdjdnkdjsjdk wrow what a long ass ride n also i cant believe u have a mh furry tag i thogit i was the only ome kskdnndksd

do u ever see someone and u can just… picture them in a fursuit…. that’s lmh…. anyway im sorry u wasted….. so much of ur precious time on my blog omg but thank u…….. also…. what’s ur minhyuk furry tag 👀👀👀 gotta flesh out my collection

u kno blogs that are marked nsfw dont show up in tags 👀 (hdhdfh thats probably not why ur posts dont show up but lol)

hgfjkfjfsh bye…. i know other blogs have this problem too and i think it might have smth to do w spam and whatnot, like not every post the fy blogs post show up either so it’s just… some tumblr thing i reckon? honestly i don’t think i’m that……….. nsfw am i………… 

I aspired to b as funny as your tags are

my tags……. aren’t funny dghjkdf……………. my gf left me over how unfunny i am? i have a rly shitty sense of humour i laughed sm when minhyuk said wonho used to be a human faced fish like that was so fucking funny to me but ??? no1 else…. but thank u rly

twitter(.)com(/)OfficialMonstaX(/)status(/)849589491182338049 an ot7 photo where minhyuk isnt clinging to anyone!!!!!!

incredible…. i rmbr this….. i feel a bit like… empty inside this isn’t Right u kno jfksgdh…

You @ any pic: oh cool…wonder how lmh ties into this…..

ur not wrong… but i feel attacked rn fjhsgj idk lmh is just so fascinating to me!!!

you know abt vocal analysis?? i know a tumblr mx blog who did a few and was wondering if you could read them?

i haven’t heard abt this before but i just googled it and i think i get the Gist Of It… i’m interested! link me :3c i can’t promise i will be that insightful though!

Did you get my message about changkyun’s coughing? [i did sorry answering it now!!! jsghgf]

I’m kind of worried. Since like 3 months ago, Changkyun’s been coughing. And at first I thought it was nothing but it’s persistent and doesn’t seem to be getting better or going away. Coughing usually means something with the lungs or heart and I’m worried all the coughing effects his breathin. He’s my precious Lil baby and I may worry too much. But i hope he’s had it looked at cause coughing like that all the time can mess up the lungs pretty bad if untreated

yes me too :((( i’ve noticed this too and like…. in fact half of mx has been sick for this comeback and it just… makes me feel v :(((( u know. i do think changkyun’s the type to not let something get in the way of his ambitions and he would…. try to take care of himself? i hope he’s gotten it checked out too… it’s strange bc it’s not exactly a Persistent thing, like it’s just like he needs to clear his throat sometimes and it sounds v dry? :/// idk what that means but yeah hopefully it’ll… clear up soon… :

I think it’s because I’m too soft of a stan but I really started crying when wonho cried in that video what the fuck why would the hurt me like this. Also can we agree the rapping was a lil :/ hilarious but cute. PS. WHY WAS IT SO FUVKINH WHITE WASHED WHt

i just…. couldn’t take the crying seriously sjkfdhgf i felt embarrassed bc of how cheesy it was but ummmmm im still slowly unclenching my butt from that feeling minhyuk’s falsetto gave me. and yeah lmao the rap. lmao. also anon u sound v cute n sof;;

In one of your posts about wonho you said you “weep for you child who was bullied at school and grew up broken”, what do you mean, what happened? I didn’t know about this and I’m TT

omg anon sdfjkghfskj i wrote that tag complaining abt….. my flopping gifset kjsfdhg im sorry u misinterpreted dw i’m sure wonho never went through smth like that!

Jackson and minhyuk together in that gifset is 2 much who decided to put two extremely loud needy bisexuals together

“two extremely loud needy bisexuals” GBYE…. u ever see  characterisation so accurate ur soul leaves ur body momentarily bc

What’s your opinion on the collar/neck tie not attached to the shirt thing that Wonho wore for their KBS Music Bank performance? I’m not sure how to feel about it.

personally i think it’s sexi? u could dress wonho in some bubble wrap and that would b sexi? tbh i rly like the…. sleazy rich dude costuming for this era;;;

nation’s demon child lee minhyuk… won’t somebody save our pure, productive youths from his clutches?

im dissociating fjgkjg

what are your favorite mx ships (or just like two-person dynamics/relationships) with minhyuk in them :>

showhyuk… wonhyuk… kihyuk…. hyunghyuk… joohyuk… and recently changhyuk wait fuck that’s all of th-

seriously tho… tell me if u want me to speak abt smth specific i think ive written extensively on like all of these before… just feel like minhyuk rly…. has v v v intimate relationships in general

Hey ^^“ new monbebe here~ and what exactly is no mercy? is before debut, right? And you know where we can download/watch it? tysm

jsdfhjgh u probably won’t see this anon but yes no mercy is the survival show that mx debuted from… you can watch it on 1thek’s channel. here’s the first ep and it should be pretty easy to find from there!

did you see on the radio that wonho said that he feels awkward around shownu and then the members were like that’s why they go to the gym cause they don’t talk.. shownu when he’s around wonho: :D wonho when he’s around shownu: :S

[diff anon] Recently on the radio wonho said he’s most awkward with shownu 😭💔😭 what are your thoughts? Also hyungnu talk before sleeping what do you think they talk about 👀👀👀

on showho… wonho has said b4 that shownu still feels kinda ?? apologetic towards him bc of the leader business so i feel like that is the potential strain in their relationship :/ but i doubt they’re genuinely awkward w each other like…. when ur constantly around someone for like 3+ years… i doubt any mx coupling is awkward now? but yeah it’s likely that shownu… kind-hearted son hyunwoo… feels residual weirdness abt being the leader when it was originally wonho’s role. re hyungnu PLEASE gjkfhds they’re so close they rly…………. they’ve been close since the beginning of time like hyungwon has a lil fanboy crush on shownu and shownu thinks hyungwon is beautiful and funny and they just……………… idk they must vibe together so well bc they’re both quiet + kind and they just………… seem to chill together a lot these days e.g. playing billiards !!!! aaa and um i feel like they would talk abt everything i can’t narrow it down?? probably like… discuss funny things that happened during the day and shownu tells a joke and hyungwon laughs for 5 minutes straight bc once he starts he doesn’t stop sgfhj

thsi is so stupid but u kno kihyun’s pose from beautiful where hes like,, turned away from the camera n a lil hunched over w/ his arms out i just,, just fuckin think of those grainy pics of bigfoot like i see kihyun n its like C R Y P T I D S P O T T E D

i hate this fgdjhfjk i feel like changkyun is a real cryptid btw (the part where he’s like…. sliding across???)?? anyway when will kihyun pop me via telepathy

Wonho gripping the straw of his coffee drink with his entire fist fkrkgkk why is he such a babie

feel like wonho was a lil bit spoilt/rolling in love as a kid and grew into this… manchild (not the annoying kind tho bc he’s also… v mature…) i love him sm….

Wow do u think minhyuk and kihyun are such good frens because they both love to act fake cute…..These Scorpio antics

YES!!!!! i think they’re v different kinds of fake-cute tho like, w kihyun it’s kind of…. nauseating when he does it on purpose like the way he plops down into chairs omg (gjhkfsdgk im sry) but w minhyuk it’s like he’s mastered how to b cute without being too much so that it leaks into his natural expression? but anyway when kihyun isn’t cute on purpose but is….. CUTE nonetheless… that’s when it Gets me u kno.

You aren’t the only one to notice how PD-nim cuts Wonho’s answers, and exploits his reactions. It’s not that I don’t love his precious self being exposed and tbh I gain life everytime Kiho laughs but the parts that sticks are the ones when he tries to pacify the situation. I think he steps back on variety but can show his true colors/raise his voice in NON-FORMAT programs(?) as RIGHT NOT/DEOKSPATCH/X-RAY. Plus it seems like he’s an audience type than the jokester one…

“show his true colors” jfskdhg yes on kinda.. external programs they don’t show much of him :(( and i think he’s just generally less comfortable speaking in those situations (even on radio shows he’s vvvv quiet…. and this era especially i feel like he’s been sort of Even More Quiet? but where there’s a production + filming team he’s working with that he starts to get familiar with mb he opens up more… anyway yes i agree he’s definitely someone who likes to observe what’s going on rather than directly contribute to the action in external variety/talk programs!

full offence but your tags give me life thank u

thank u?? thank U

my mom likes shownu because she thinks hes a: traditional, manly, well fit, and "expensive” looking man sunshwwjhsbe what but she looked at changkyun was like “who is this hunk” and said “he looks like the type to pay for 500$ meal” jsHWNHSJWYSHWH

(this is for when i asked who everyone’s mum’s fave member was fjkdhg) THAT’S RLY CUTE but im screaming changkyun is the furthest thing from a hunk (quote wonho: his life will b in danger if he doesn’t exercise) and he’d probably take u to his dim studio and feed u cup ramen on a date??? jkdfhgkj

I can’t believe Hyungwon gave us a hacker version of the Iconic Math lady meme on Amigo TV. I guess you could say he’s [hacker voice] ‘All In’.

THIS IS AWFUL jgsfhdjk……… i feel like hyungwon is rly transparent with his expressions like everything shows on his face?? like u can see the cogs whirring in his head when he’s thinking he’s rly so so s o pure :( lov him

damn, i.m

delete this?

“annals of time" 

i forgot when i tagged this and in relation to what but jkfdsghjksdfjkkjdfhdskjhfkghkjsfjksgh

annie ….. what hav you done to me :// i’ve began talking like .. this ?? i call my bias raw fish now :(

i hate this fjkgdshsdnjkggf ???? ? i don’t want this either !!!!!!!!!! but my internet persona? ??  cant u see im tryign,,, so hardf.,,, ,all the goddamned time…,,,,,, who is ur bias who is raw fish gfjkdhg (also i only called wonho raw chicken ONCE let me livevnsjkfdhj)

i feel like out of all the weird shit one could possibly be into .. elbow slurping isnt rly too wild like theres so Much out there tht im not mad at it. jus. just go ahead. take a fucking slorp babes

gkjdfsnbvdsjkfghksjfdghfsjkdhgkkjfahskdskjfhksjhkfsjhfkjsfhkjsfdhsjkdfjksfhdjkshfjkshfnjksvjdfnvdfjkgsdfjkndfjgndfjkgndsjkgnskdljngdjkgjkdsgkjsnd

hyungwon is my grandpa who rants @ me for 2 hours abt how his grandchildren never visit and are too loud when they do and how kids these days are always talking about wigs and their dads and then handing me a pile of Werther’s Original™ hard candies before hobbling off to take a nap

why is this so…… detailed and…. accurate…..

Hey sorry to bother you, but do you know whens it’s going to be the first MX’s award show, and where can i watch it? I’m always lost when it’s about this kind of thing e.e Anyway , have a nice day :3

IM RLY SORRY JSFGHKJSFG i hope u found it….. im sry im…. i never answer things in time but;;;;;;;; yes it was on m countdown and u can watch it on the mwave website as well as the mnet youtube channel!

I jus screamed at the phrase "made from the same fursuit” I wanna die

i literally get half my gross terminology from katie?? she made me this way

what are your thoughts on all of the different wonho ships? 👀

i want to…. nest myself in all the warm bonds wonho has formed w every member but especially wonhyuk and wonkyun i think?

the new yang nam show pix made me start thinking what do u think mx wear as jammies fr?? 🤔 besides wonho who just. Lets it free. I feel like ck would b one of those ppl who wears full jammie sets tbqh

why does this sound like matty…. they talk abt their pj preference in that one fancam i can’t find rn sjfdhg but tbh all i took from it was…… wonho……. but yes definitely i think ck would like that…. wants 2 feel Complete and Covered and Neat…

hey!! about the choreo thing, i feel that tbh. i think because so much of fandom is focused on being mad positive all the time, it feels like you can’t notice anything that isn’t 'just so’, but honestly, i do wish their choreo came out better on screen :/ another thing, and i don’t blame them for it, but it helps to keep the lines themselves clean so that no matter what it’s all good angle wise? got7 has trouble w/ that too (everyone dances their own way instead of together, yfm)

yes…………………………. i agree and i just… feel like their choreo is so much Effort but it’s not exactly flashy for all that energy they exhaust as well??? nd yeah what i said abt camera angles… this time the selling point w the jacket choreo was a good touch tho imo but it still………….. isn’t………………. what it Could Be idk i just feel like everything could be flashier and that might help them trend more dance-wise bc rn like tbh i don’t rly know what monsta x is known for? alsoooo what u said abt fandom being mad positive all the time i feel that sm like especially in this fandom… ppl rly pedestal the boys sm and sometimes… idk… overpraise their music when tbqh…. there isn’t….. that much Unique abt it…..? :0

wonhontology (.) tumblr (.) com / post / 158743886921 What a coincidence?!, seems like your scorpio boy has a vore kink and a nipple fixation… #AnWonHyuk

wonhontology tumblr com /post/158743886921 In the second one, isn’t Minhyuk trying to bite Wonho’s nipple? 0.0

[link] i can’t believe i didn’t see this gsjfdhg i love my vore kink nipple biter boy??? ***** *** *** **** ** **** ***** ***???????????????

lostinmonstax (.) tumblr (.) com / post / 158736187961/ tummy-flash did you see that?

[link] um fuck he’s so toned gjskhdfjksdhfk

Hi I love you

i love u 17 days late??? fdskgkjg

somtimes i have a strong urge to call minhyuk my lizard man in my tags this is ur impact annie

i can’t believe ppl r finally beginning to see lmh for who he rly is….. my lizard brethren

the beautiful mv is already to 2 million views and i am weeping… also i am really digginghoseok’s new grey/silver/no-longer-blonde hair.

u can jus.t…. tel lhow old this ask is by its contents jkgfhdsjkgs im the worst im sry but aa… thinking abt… all the hope we had…. 3 weeks ago… makes me :’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’———-))))))))))

cant believe that thigh wrestling gif cut out the part where minhyuk almost reveals his lizard self after wonho smacks his ass hard enough to make him jump a little and break thru his human disguise but tries to stay casual. wongo resistant ass

the. ass slap changed my life btw…. a lil bit of Inner Lee Minhyuk leaked out hfjkgfsdjkhg also this ask is so…………………… im scremaing at every part of it like it rly gets better w every word

hey,,,,,I love this blog,,,,, thank u

i lov u???????????/ this is a terrible lbogblglbo?

ppl have been pointing out how ur url says wonho but ur avatar says minhyuk but i cant beleaf no one has pointed out that the lil moon on ur desktop blog theme says 'rly a changkyun stan but don’t tell any1’ i’m on2 ur secrets 👀

👀👀👀👀👀

STAN SHIN HOSOCK, since he allowed Wonho’s freedom!

??? im sorry what does this mean jkfgkj

[anastycrimeboy]

Honestly, not much of someone who post anything but I feel like I wanted to talk aloud to the world anoynomously and on a format noone would likely look at so eh. Anyways I met you in 7th grade for the first time. Me? I was quite frankly just an antisocial prick. We talked truly for the first time I believe in social studies where you refered to me as "turtle boy" because of the way I sat (think somewhat like L from death note) we had a group assignment, something minor. I remember reading some question outloud I think, misspoke something aloud and had said "Saint Texas" I have no idea why it was so funny at the time but I remember it being one of the inciting incidences of our friendship. At first, I acted quite cold and annoyed towards you and your friend. You two, however, were quite subborn on making me your friend. Something I am quite honestly very greatful for, as i have no doubt my life would be very different had you two not done so. So we became friends. True friends. The closest and best two friends ive ever had the experiance of having. I dont remember much more of consequence happening in our relationships development during 7th grade. Eventually 8th grade rolled around and what a year that was, for both of us, and our mutual friend as well. You and your friend had a tough, depressing year. By December, so had I become immersed within the pit of depression. However when thinking back, I see that maybe that wasnt such a horrible thing. Our mutal suffering had brought us closer together in some ways. We shared thoughts, emotions, memories, things that brought us closer together. At some point through this, I had begun to have feelings for you. I remember vividly how happy I was when we would stay up until 3 A.M talking nonstop about anything. How happy it made me to simply sit there for hours and talk to you and see your beautiful face and hear your wonderful voice, laughter... I knew how I felt about you. I didnt tell you how I felt for a while. Eventually you had gotten with a guy, actually a friend of mine at the time. Man was I jealous of him... He got your first kiss, was I believe your first boyfriend to my knowlege. He got to hold you, cuddle with you, kiss you, be with you in a way I felt I probably never would. Ha, hell how right I was. You were with him for some time. Through this we continued our close relationship, talked for hours, just enjoyed eachothers presence, at least I know I did. I know at some point while you were with him, believe it was around Christmas, I had told you that I liked you. Not in the manner of just being friends but in a romantic manner. Pretty stupid looking bad, who tells someone they like them when they have a boyfriend? It didnt change anything really, you had expressed that that would not happen then at least. You let me off easy when I had told you then, said perhaps someday. I truly took that to heart. Looking bad, I probably shouldnt have haha. Things were awkward for a week or so but things got back to normal between us soon enough, no damage done. I remember being very very envious of your boyfriend, man jealously is such a powerful emotion. Somewhere around Feburary I remember you and him had broken up for good. As bad as it sounds I remember being trilled that had happend, in spite of your obvious greif and pain at the failure of a long term relationship. To be fair, I was young. I didnt truly understand what love was then. More than likely, then what I had felt for you was nothing more than simple infatuation. Although at the same time it was more than that, i cared for you deeply, and honestly, as we both recognize now the guy was a total asshole. So i like to justify that thats part of what I was so thrilled about but I couldnt say for certain. At this point, both our states of mental health were pretty piss poor. Both of us very depressed people, something that had only gotten worse for us both over the year. You became... this bright sun in my everyday life. The one person who would always bring a smile to my face everytime I simply laid eyes upon you. Without you, I felt hallow, and with you I felt like the sun was shinning on my skin on a spring day. I knew full well you didnt feel the same way about me. Deep down I knew you never would truly feel the same way. However I held some feable hope thst maybe, just maybe one day you'd love me like I grew to love you. Sometime around april, or may you and your friend were just about healed from this depression we had suffered, and I had stagnated. Looking bad, im sure that was mostly due to one crucial fact: you two were bound to go to one high school, and me, another. I knew I was losing two people who.... quite frankly were closer to me than my family ever was, even including my beloved deceased father. I remember on the last day of school crying a bloody waterfall. I never conciously thought this at the time, but im sure in my heart I knew: this would cement that our relationship would only go downhill in terms of our closeness, there was no alternative. You see i neglected to mention, we had experianced a bit of a falling out a month and a half before graduation relating to my depression and extreme drug use. You guys eventually so fed up with it you stopped talking to me altogether. This had forced me to stop abusing oxycotten, and in doing so, you accepted me once more as your friend a week or two before school ended. Our other friend however, from this point forward, was no longer a friend of mine. And my fallout with her was permanent. This left me with you as literally my only true close friend. And man the thought of losing you too then was just... Unfathomable. During the summer I recall talking to you somewhat frequently for a month or so. Then, there was a point when I had for some stupid reason, talked about my issues with your sister. God knows why, i sure dont know what the hell i was thinking haha. This led to you being quite rightly pissed, essentially telling me that you were done talking to me until I got my head straight and out of my shithole of a depression. Quite frankly looking back, man was you not talking to me a great motivator. First it got me to stop doing hard drugs, then got me to actually really start to work on changing my mental outlook on life. By the end of the summer we were talking again, friends once more. Perhaps not as close as I wished but thats not suprising. Id be lieing I said I was totally better. That wouldnt happen until February of next year. But I was definetly in a better state than the end of 8th grade. School started, and man did I hate it. I never realized that truthfully, the only reason I could stand school so much was because of how happy seeing you made me. At this time in my life, I had no real self-confidence. I was a smart kid, my techers knew this, my mom knew it, but damn my grades sure as hell didnt reflect it. I hated school so much without you, i skipped probably more than 30 days and walked home in the first semester. We talked, texted. But man did I miss you... I only saw you once that year, during thanksgiving break. That was by far the most fun I have ever had before. We didnt do anything crazy. We just went out, had got orange leaf, went to barns and nobles and got coffee, you dragged into bath and bodyworks.. Haha man I think that was, what? The second? Third time just you and me hung out by ourselves in peron? I remember never wanting that day to end. I remember thinking 'what if everyday could be like this?' My love for you only grew as time went on it seemed. Distance has never dulled my love for you in the slightest. Time went on. By Feburary my mom was getting desperate reguarding my depression and alarming rate of skipping school, so she took me out and placed me in a charter school, self paced, self taught. A place I could avoid everyone and just learn. Did wonders for my confidence and my mental health. Since then ive been just fine, had a great outlook on life. Great work ethic. You were always there, cheering me on as I got better and worked harder. Haha I remember we flirted a little toward the end of that you. You teased me quite often texting me on my phone you little minx hahaha. Ah, yeah that had sent me some mixed singals alright. Our relationship was still quite solid. We were close, had grown up quite a bit for the year before... things seemed good. Summer once again rolled around, we hung out on my birthday. That alone made it my favorite birthday I've had to date. We had gone to the movies, and just went back to my house, smoked a bowl or two, and relaxed and watch some Star Wars. Enjoyed our time together. I remember multiple times wanting nothing more than to get closer to you and just hold you in my arms... Eventually you left. Once again, I couldnt help but feel that strange hallowness I experiance without you. Wishing I was brave enough to try to hold you, kiss you. Summer went by. We kept somewhat in touch. The next year, 10th grade, is when I would say we truly started to experiance an increase in the gap between us. We talked yes, occassionally discussing what was going on in eachother lives. By this point, and this point onward I dont think we ever shared another long conversaion. Never since then have we had one of those wonderful nights we would just stay up and just talk and enjoy the others presence... Nope. Those times seemed to have passed. I tried on occasion to start one of those kinds conversations, but something would always come up, or one of your sisters would interupt is and eventually i'd just let you go as we were no longer talking, ect. I think i may have seen you once that year. I dont truly remember it if we did. That year went by quickly. We kept in touch of course. We would always talk about how much we missed eachother ha... I just worked hard that year. Nothing else to do really. I've always been a bit of a loner socially and dont bother making friends. Did quite well, ended up both my softmore and junior year, and became a senior. You were quite proud of me I remember. Once again, I got to see you on my birthday and, well, it was then I think I really noticed the deaph of how much we had spaced apart. We just kinda watched a movie for a few hours and you left after a while. I remember being nervous the whole time. We hadnt seen eachother in so long I wasnt sure how to act. I still loved you, just as much as ever, but for fucks sake I didn't for the life of me know what to say, what to do, how to act. I didn't really know what to do around you anymore. By then... We seldomly saw eachother over the course two years, hardly spoke the year before. We didnt have recent experiances, or interesting things to talk about. Well I mean at least I didn't. As a bit of a loner all I had to discuss was my acedemic acheivement and video games or music. Im sure you had stuff going on in your life but by then... Im pretty sure we had seperated to a degree where you didn't even know where to begin discussing what was going on with you, nor did I know the questions to ask. So yeah that was awkward. And I remember kicking myself again and again over it. Same thing happened in augest when I went to your house before school started.... Sigh I remember thoughout these years you've had a few boyfriends, by the middle of freshman year I had a much better grasp on the true meaning of love: that when you love someone, you put their needs, their wants, and their happiness before yours. So I was okay with it. I let go of jealousy. What replaced it was this heart wrenching, smoach dropping sadness when you were with someone else. But again, I knew that you'd never truly loved me in the romantic sense, just as friends really. I knew this spite of the fact you had told me otherwise multiple times. I know you were just reassuring me to spare my feelings. And in a way, i thank you for that. Hell at times, I even let myself believe it. But I was somewhat hopeful, some peice of me remained stubborn that one day you just might like me even slightly in a romantic manner. Hell im graduating now, and I still have not dated, kissed, loved, or truly considered being with another girl. Ive always hoped you would be my first everything. My first kiss, first girlfriend, first date. Hell one day I hoped youd be my first and only wife... we'd have a beautiful little girl... Sigh. Just dreams I suppose. Then this year cam along. Things only got worse. We've hardly talked. I mean sure ill text you general well wishes most mornings when I can and have said more "I love yous" than one could probably count but really? Thats about it. Weve met up twice this year for lunch but i feel like the damage has been done already. Yes yes we have seen eachother but you know I find it hasnt actually alleaviated my missing you. Its like... Idk I see you but at the same time I didnt. Both times we just talked about old friends, school, advancements in life. Nothing really significant or personal... Only had two, somewhat awkward, hugs with you this year. When, bloody hell, ive always wanted so much more than that. Now... The year is ending and really I recognize that we are honestly little more than acquaintances. I mean yes we know eachothers history, but bloody hell we hardly talk anymore about anything. We have no idea what the eachothers life is like... Well okay you know what mine is like due to how honestly shallow it is but I hardly know how yours is going. And quite frankly i dont know the questions to ask or the things to say to find out.... I just wish we were as close as we once were... Gods how id give almost anything just to be close friends again, romanctic thoughts aside. Now I see that our drift is just... This gaping raveen the size of the great cayon. And I know its only bound to get worse and eventually end altogether... With me going to college and you your own way with withever you decide to do, likely traveling with your beautiful, adventurous soul. I hope our paths interwine once more in the future... Odds are they wont but I mean you never know what God holds in store for us yeah? Ill always regret not getting the chance to experiance something more with you. Never really trying my hand at something more truly. I was a coward. Quite honestly in some ways though, im glad. You really deserve someone much better than I am. Someone who can make you happy, laugh, and feel joy every minute your with them like you have made me feel. Comfort you when you need help, be there for you when your in pain. These are things I've tried hard to do for you, but could never do perfectly. I really hope you meet a man who can do those things for you. You deserve it more than anyone else. Looking back, I can see that I was lucky that I even ever got to call you a friend. And I was smiled upon by god by the fact that you love(ed) me as a friend. That alone was really more than I had the right to ask for really. Thank you, for everything you have done for me. And helping me become who I am today. I only wish I could have helped you half as much as you have me... I love you, forever and always. And may god bless your life and the path you walk on my love.