#so if I’m not around as much until Thursday or Friday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jeonstudios · 6 months ago

Text

fontana di trevi | 02

you seek out a vampire to help you with something.

pairing: vampire!jk x sadgirl, blood donor!reader

genre: vampire au, angst, fluff (really a sadgirl fic lol)

word count: 9k

warnings: same as last time basically: blood, needles, suicidal thoughts and intentions

rating: NC-17 – Adults Only

masterlist

part 2/2

“Thanks,” you smile politely as you close the car door, hearing the Uber drive off behind you. The walk up to the house is no different than last time, yet it definitely feels different. Both because of what happened almost a week ago, but also since you’re hoping this will be the last time.

What certainly is different is the surprised look on the vampire’s face as he opens the door to see you standing there with your hands in the pockets of your winter coat.

He himself is wearing a black hoodie, and once again, black shorts. His hair looks a little messier than how you’re used to seeing it. Almost like he’s been sleeping. Vampires don’t sleep, though, do they?

“I… didn’t think you’d show,” he admits honestly, nonetheless opening the door wider for you, and as you enter, you can’t help but think that he looks… almost cuddly.

Of course, he still gives off the usual intimidating aura, and he should probably be even scarier to you considering what happened last time you met him, but… you don’t know. Perhaps you’re just so deprived of human touch that a bloodthirsty vampire’s cold embrace seems inviting.

This time, he waits in the hallway while you step out of your shoes and remove your coat.

“Yeah, I still want this. I just… wasn’t prepared,” you explain rather vaguely, knowing that he understands exactly what you’re getting at anyway. You want to die but on your terms.

“It wasn’t my intention. To do what I did.”

You meet his eyes. It’s not an outright apology, but it feels eerily close to one.

“You were there to… feed, weren’t you?”

He nods. “Didn’t get the chance to on Thursday or Friday.”

It’s your turn to nod in understanding. For a short moment, you stand there, looking at each other.

Until you break the silence. “So, can we start?”

“Sure,” he agrees, turning around to head toward the kitchen.

Like the first time you showed up to his house when he didn’t think you were going to, he has to bring the supplies from wherever he keeps them. You take your spot at the table, slip off your cardigan, and wait.

The vampire returns with his hands full, placing the stuff down on the table before he pulls out another chair and positions it the same way as always. But his focus lies on your skin.

“These are new bruises?” he asks, carefully grasping your hand and very gently lifting it to better inspect the yellowing marks covering your skin. “You always bruise like this after?”

You follow his gaze. There are currently three bruises on your right arm, none the same as the night he almost killed you. Two are yellow and from when you bumped into a dresser at home a few days ago. The third is purple but smaller and its origin a mystery. If he wanted to see bruises, he should’ve seen the ones on your legs after you fell when he attacked you.

“Not the first time, but yeah. Usually just from the needle site, but lately, it’s all over. I guess I’m a little deficient in something,” you joke quietly, but the vampire doesn't laugh.

“Why does it interest you so much? Do you have some kind of medical degree?” you ask, thinking back to when he first asked you why you didn’t wonder about his apparent knowledge.

“Not officially, but being dependent on humans like we are to some extent, you tend to pick up on stuff, and having been around as long as I have, it’s even more unavoidable. But I’ve never seen bruising this severe from blood loss.”

Fair enough. Your body should definitely try to keep the little blood remaining inside your veins, where it belongs.

He starts prepping your arm, but instead of looking away, you close your eyes. Are you imagining things or has he been… softer lately? Making sure you got home safely instead of leaving you to your fate, almost worrying about your bruises, and being gentler in the way he attaches the needle? Then again, he’s only making sure you can give him as much blood as possible, and he also would’ve probably killed you if he’d gotten ahold of you last week.

“I take it you’ve killed before?”

There’s a few seconds of silence, but then he answers, and there’s nothing hidden in his words or voice that reveals something more.

“I have.”

“How do you…,” you start, unsure of how to phrase your question. “I mean, what do you do… after?”

“Are you asking…?”

“How do you… dispose of them? And… I guess, how will you dispose of… me?”

It’s not really a sensitive question for you, so you’re not sure for whose sake you’re so careful. You doubt the vampire really cares.

You hear him exhale. “I guess it depends on the circumstances. I haven’t planned anything.”

You wince when he sticks you, more painful this time for some reason. The ball is placed in your hand like always, and you start to squeeze it.

Your curiosity isn’t that dire, so you’re not disappointed by his answer. Maybe he’s not even being honest, and it’s for your sake? Which brings you back to why he’s being extra gentle. The only other explanation you can think of is that he feels sorry for you. Maybe he just truly wants to spare you unnecessary pain and worry in the last moments of your pathetic life? Because this is it. With how shitty you’ve been feeling these last couple of weeks and especially since last time, you know it won’t be long. Today’s the day.

One bag. He can take one bag and after that he’ll have to end it. That way, you don’t have to bleed out, and he’ll get as much blood as possible. If he takes your advice about how to drain the rest, well, that’s up to him.

You’re startled by the sound of knocking, opening your eyes to see the vampire rise from his chair, seemingly sharing your surprise. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Nodding, you close your eyes again, getting as comfortable as you can in the chair while wondering who’s at the door. A vampire friend? A vampire partner? Surely, he doesn’t hang out with humans on the regular? You always got the impression, both from him and vampires in pop culture, that they don’t really care for humans. In fact, a dirty human only pesters a vampire’s environment unless they’re actively dying.

Your heart hurts. It’s beating heavily inside your chest, a feeling you’ve grown somewhat used to over the weeks, but it feels undeniably worse. Like every beat is a painful and exhausting accomplishment. Your breaths grow heavier too.

Surely, it’s been more than a minute. Is he on his way back? If he were a human, chatting with another human at the front door, maybe you would’ve heard them, but you can’t discern anything.

It feels a little like your head’s in the clouds, and you’re not sure if your eyes are still closed or if they’re open and you just can’t see anything. You have a feeling that not only can’t you hear the vampire, you can’t hear anything anymore.

Realizing that this is it, you try to call for him quietly to tell him so, but although you’re pretty certain you’re dying, for some reason, you don’t want to interrupt whatever he’s doing with his visitor.

“Fine, alright, I’ll talk to him, but please, this is not a good time.”

“But he’s being an ass, and you were the last person he spoke to before he left for fucking Iceland.”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes at his friend, Yuqi. With how much she and Taehyung love each other, there’s a surprising amount of drama.

“I don’t wanna get involved. I’ll call him later.”

“Fine, get back to me after. If he doesn’t answer, I’m taking the first flight.”

“Vampire?”

Yuqi, who was just about to turn around to leave, stops in her tracks.

“What… was that?” she asks, standing still before discreetly scenting the air. “Is that… blood?”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen. He’s used to smelling blood whenever you’re there to leave it, but not this much. Quickly, and without regard to Yuqi, he turns to rush back into his kitchen, eyes going even wider at the vision in front of him.

“Vampire?” you call out quietly again from the chair, eyes closed and unknowing of his return. You seem out of it, bordering on unconscious, and it’s not without reason. Jeongguk curses himself for not double checking the blood bag when he knows that brand is prone to ripping because the bag isn’t full; it’s broken, and your blood is dripping into a big puddle of red on the floor.

You think… you’re being… carried? By someone firm and… warm. You like that.

“I’m not warm," a low voice comments. "At least I’m not supposed to be.”

“I’m dying… right?” you mumble, feeling how the vampire puts you down on something soft.

“Probably, yeah.”

He does something to your arms, and you can’t figure out what, but you realize it has something to do with collecting the remaining blood when you’re gone.

There’s another voice.

Next time you open your eyes, you feel… different. And upset. You’re not as dizzy as you’ve become accustomed to, and the room doesn’t spin when you sit up on the bed. Your body hurts, but it feels more like you’re simply tired and beat than extremely weak. Most importantly, you feel, which means you’re not dead.

As if he could sense your awakening—or just possesses superhuman hearing—a door opens to reveal the vampire. He's wearing other clothes, grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt, and his face doesn't give you anything.

“What happened?” you question, looking around the room that’s clearly a bedroom. “And where am I?”

“You passed out. There was a hole in the bag, so the blood was just leaking onto the floor. I had my friend steal some from the hospital, and I gave you a transfusion. Yuqi also brought some clothes and stuff for you, so you’re staying here at least until tomorrow. Then you’re free to leave whenever you want.”

“I… don’t understand. Why would you—why not just let me go then?”

“I changed my mind.”

You look at him, bewildered and trying to find the words. “What do you mean you changed your mind? We had an agreement?”

“I know, but I changed my mind. I’m not doing it. If the blood matters to you, the bags are in the freezer.”

“Why–what would I do with blood?” you question in frustration. Is he offering it back in case you want to drink it? Try to put it back inside your veins? Apparently, you’ve already had transfusions, so you have exactly zero use for frozen bags of blood. “Why can’t you just get on with it? Why not let me die?”

“I do not. Want. To,” he hisses.

You stare at him in silence, feeling confused and betrayed. He looks away but doesn't seem affected. No shame, no regret, no anything but a moment of frustration to breach otherwise calm determination.

“Here’s the stuff,” he gestures toward a duffel bag by the foot of the bed. “You have a bathroom right outside, and I’m gonna order some food for you. You should take it easy; I wasn’t able to give you as much blood as you really need, and unfortunately, what I’ve previously collected isn’t fit to give back. Since it’s been frozen and stored improperly for that kind of purpose, there would be a risk of clotting.”

You look at him from where you’re sitting on his bed, and he looks back at you. The irritation you feel grows beyond what you’re capable of conveying, and so it turns into defeat. It makes you angry, how he managed to back out of giving you what you wanted at the very last second. You spent months upholding your end of the deal, and when it finally came time for him to do the same, he didn’t.

“Don’t bother,” you lie down slowly, your back facing him where he stands at the door. Silently, you curse your body for feeling so tired; ideally, you’d stomp out of there, slamming the door behind you. “I’ll leave tomorrow morning.”

Your own clothes are still wearable. The few stains of blood are relatively small and dried, and the vampire already placed you on his bed, so you don’t feel like you’ll do any more damage by sleeping in them. The house is quiet, but you don’t think he’s left it, which begs the question of where he is. And also if he sleeps and if he does, then… where? He never gave you a tour or anything, so you have no idea what the rest of his house looks like. Whatever; you don’t care, anyway.

His sheets smell clean, though, and it doesn’t take you long to pass out, truly exhausted.

When you wake up, you can’t find your phone, and without any other time measuring device, you don’t know what time it is. It appears like the sun rose not too long ago so that narrows your guess a little bit at least.

Sitting up slowly, you take a deep breath. You feel… okay. A bit sore almost, but more energetic than you have in a while. Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily a good thing in your book.

Sighing, you put your feet to the hardwood floor. They carry you with only a little dizziness, and you set your sight on the bedroom door. It opens smoothly, and you peer out, looking for the bathroom the vampire mentioned. There’s a door immediately to your left which you guess must be it, and so you head toward it.

After successfully finding the bathroom and using it, you decide to continue the search for your phone. Since you thought last night would be your last and therefore arrived by Uber rather than driving, it means that without your phone, you have no way home.

You make your way down some stairs, recognizing the hallway as the one the vampire has led you through what feels like countless times. Last time you remember having your phone was in the kitchen, so that’s where you steer your steps.

As luck would have it, the kitchen is also where the vampire happens to be. Upon your entrance, your eyes immediately fall on the tall man where he stands, leaning back against the counter. Although he surely heard you approaching a long time ago, he only turns his head slowly toward you when you’re well into the room. He’s hard to read; doesn’t offer much.

“Do you know where my phone is?”

The vampire twists his body to look at the counter behind him, sliding something toward you. You take a step closer, inspecting the device when it’s in your hands. Three percent.

“Do you have a charger I can borrow?”

“Yeah,” he answers with a nod and pushes off the counter, leaving the kitchen. You wait, quietly wondering what exactly goes on inside his head. He seems unfazed by the whole ordeal, which doesn’t necessarily surprise you. But what you still don’t quite understand is why he claimed to have changed his mind. Could it be that he just didn’t want to deal with your body?

The vampire returns with a white charger in his hand, his skin cold against yours when you accept it from him. Finding a fitting outlet near the table, you plug the charger in and sit down, gazing out through the window while you wait for the phone to charge enough for the trip home. The vampire has gone back to leaning wordlessly against the counter, and you ignore him.

Opening your phone, you find that the only unread notification you have is a spam email. Why are you surprised? With a small sigh, you lock the device again, hoping it’ll charge faster if you don’t use it. Forty percent should be enough.

It’s snowing outside, and you watch the big snowflakes fall slowly and silently to the already white ground. Waiting like this gives you time to go over all the things you’ve done wrong in your life.

Next time you unlock your phone, the battery has reached thirty-seven percent. You open the Uber app to see that a car can arrive in ten minutes. You confirm it, noting the time as eleven twenty-three. You’ll wait five more minutes before you start getting ready, which honestly is just putting your shoes and coat on.

The seconds pass slowly one after the other. You wonder briefly how long it took the vampire to clean because, although you didn’t notice the blood dripping to the floor while it was happening, you understood that there was a lot of it. Must suck for him to have it wasted like that. The question is also why he would waste even more blood by giving you a transfusion? If he went through the pain of acquiring bagged blood, why not just drink that?

At eleven twenty-nine, your phone’s battery is at fifty-two percent. You unplug the charger from the wall, and as you stand, you place it on the table with a quiet ‘thanks.’

“Going home?” the vampire wonders, black eyes watching you. He looks casual, but there’s that hint of softness shining through again.

You pass him on your way to the front door. “Yeah.”

“Reconsider,” he encourages, and you know he’s not talking about your journey home.

You roll your eyes. “No.”

“Yes,” he follows. “Whatever’s troubling you doesn’t matter. There’s so much for you to see and do, so many places to visit and people to meet. Your life is so incredibly short, and you won’t have time to see even a fraction of the world as is.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” you say, bending down to put your boots on.

“Have you even been outside of this town?”

Why is he trying to control you? He doesn’t know you; he doesn’t care. It’s not like you’ll magically be fine after his ‘cheer up, pal,’ and ending your life is not a decision you have taken hastily or easily.

“No.”

“Don’t you want to see what’s out there?”

“Of course. But it’s not…” you straighten up to look at him, frustration dripping from your words. “Don’t you see that I’m all alone? I don’t have anybody, no one to experience things with, and much less the money to just up and leave. Sure, maybe I could get a loan and travel through Italy for two weeks, but then what? I’ll be miserable and in debt.”

The vampire tilts his head, looking at you with his black eyes but not saying anything. He just doesn't understand. You put your other foot into your boot and reach for your coat before he can try to persuade you again for whatever reason.

“Whatever,” you sigh, “I’ll be going.”

He doesn’t stop you from opening the door, and he doesn’t follow you when you leave, one boot undone and with your coat held to your chest. Irritation turns to sadness and defeat as you wait for the Uber to arrive, taking the opportunity to actually put your coat on and tie your laces properly. Snow falls around you, and when you're done, you stand there, waiting pathetically by the side of the road in the cold. You’re back at square one.

Despite having slept for countless hours at the vampire’s house, you head straight for your bed the moment you return home. For another few hours, you sleep, and then you spend a few more lying there in the dark, thinking.

It’s seven p.m. on a Saturday. You’ve wasted a lot of time, months even, waiting for the vampire to get what he wanted and follow through on his part. But that’s over now, so what are you waiting for right now?

Two and a half hours later, you put your boots back on and throw a lighter jacket over your shoulders, one that allows easier access to your neck.

Still not feeling your best, it takes you fifteen minutes to walk what the vampire did in six, carrying you on his back. You don’t understand him. He acted like he didn’t want you to die, but if he cared about you at all, he would’ve backed out earlier and not waited until his actions brought you within an inch of your life for what, the third time? Was he hoping you’d stay alive so that you’d hopefully continue donating your blood, even if less frequently?

Although nearing his feeding grounds, you’re hoping not to run into him. He did state that he changed his feeding days to Thursdays, and last week, when you did run into him, it seemed like a coincidence. Besides, this place is your best bet tonight; even the vampire admitted that there were others there last time. Surely, they’re around here somewhere tonight as well.

Since you assume vampires don’t want unnecessary attention, you stake out near the same club as last week, but this time, you hide in the shadows around a corner. Then, you wait for a victim.

Thirty minutes to midnight, a woman stumbles out through the door, a bouncer holding it open for her. She’s obviously had a bit to drink, and as she clumsily fixes her little cross body bag and sets off along the street, you look around from your hiding spot.

But you don’t see or hear anything; not a dark figure moving nor the sound of footsteps. Still, you follow her, hoping for the best. Wanting to keep your distance, you instead find it hard to keep up with her, which is saying something about your current health.

About two hundred meters from the club, she suddenly slows down, her attention seemingly drawn to something in an alleyway. You weren’t sure exactly how the vampires hunt, but by how the woman begins to slowly drift inside the dark alleyway of her own accord, you guess they do have some kind of pull. Most women, even when slightly drunk, typically try not to do… that.

You quicken your steps as much as possible without breaking into a sprint. Not only do you want to speak to a vampire; if you can take that woman’s place and leave her unscathed, it’s an added bonus. Before you’ve caught up, the woman slowly and quietly disappears, and when you turn the corner with your phone in hand and flashlight turned on, you spot a man holding her to his body.

Evidently hearing you approaching, the man has placed them against the wall, halfway obscured by a dumpster and hoping you’d walk past them, which you would have if you weren’t so focused on the woman and your mission.

The man squints in the light, and you very clearly discern long fangs. You take another step into the alleyway, but what you didn’t expect was to be grabbed from another direction.

Gasping, you feel strong arms hold your back against someone’s chest, effortlessly keeping you immobile.

“What can we offer? Though you smell like vampire already?” The man who holds you says, sounding surprised, and your phone is taken from your hand and the flashlight turned off.

Obviously, they assume you’re one of the freaky ones looking for vampires because any normal person would run. Your reason for wanting to find one is different, though.

“I have a proposition,” you stutter, not too scared but uncomfortable with how the man noses at your neck. Despite knowing that if the vampire bites, it’ll most likely be your neck, you can’t help trying to pull away. It’s just another bodily reaction.

Your words intrigue him, and he moves, creating just a tad bit more space between your bodies and looking down at you with a curious smirk.

“A proposition, you say?”

“You can have my blood—all of it—if you take it right here and now.”

“What’s the catch?” he asks, raising an eyebrow much like a certain vampire you know. “What’s in it for you?”

“There is no catch. I want to die.”

The other vampire, curiously listening to your conversation, whispers something in the other woman’s ear, and lets her go. She stumbles away from him and then casually leaves the alleyway, turning the corner calmly as if nothing happened.

You meet the vampire’s puzzled yet curious eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with my blood if you think I’m trying to trick you into something. Except that it’s apparently B positive which I understand is not that desirable, but—”

“You’re Jeon’s human?”

“Uh—what? Who?” you ask, confused but slowly putting two and two together.

“Fuck, should we?” the other vampire questions quietly.

“Jeon,” the closest one to you starts, “is the vampire you smell of. He’s been very persistent no one touches his human.”

“Yeah. Can’t blame him. If I was lucky enough to have someone offer to be a walking blood bag, I wouldn’t let them outside at all.”

“I’m not… I’m not anyone’s, and I’m not a walking blood bag,” you explain, feeling belittled. “He made me a promise that he broke. He was going to help me die in exchange for my blood, but he just used me to collect blood, and then he didn’t deliver.”

The two vampires look at each other, and you feel like they didn’t really pay attention to anything you just said.

“I don’t know, man. I’m not sure I wanna get on his bad side.”

“But he’s too arrogant,” the first one complains. “If I want something, why should he prevent me from getting it? He doesn’t own the supply here. I’m a thousand years old; I shouldn’t need to ask for permission.”

“Dude’s like three thousand years old, though? You don’t need to ask permission; you can literally choose anyone. Except this one, for some reason. I don’t think I would if I were you.”

“Our agreement is over,” you try to enter the conversation the two vampires are holding over your head.

“Well,” the one holding your arms peers down at you, “He said that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to touch you.”

You scoff, growing irritated again, “Okay, well, are there any vampires around that aren’t such wimps? If I can’t find anyone to just snap my neck, I’m going to the train tracks and then my blood will be wasted.”

That’s a lie, of course. There’s a reason you picked death by vampire; you’re too scared to do it any other way, and no matter how much you want to die, you can’t subject anyone else—like a poor train driver—to it. Vampires are cold and heartless. They don’t care.

“Hold on. Wait,” the vampire holds you tighter when you haphazardly try to wiggle out of his grasp.

“Look,” he says to the other, “He can’t tell us what to do. Besides, if he gets angry, we can just say that she said their agreement was over, and we did her a favor out of the goodness of our hearts.”

“You don’t have a heart; you just want to annoy him.”

The vampire grins. At first, it’s a boyish smile directed at his friend, but when he slowly tilts his head down to look at you, it turns almost sinister. “I think I’m gonna do it.”

You gulp. No matter how much this is what you want, it does scare you. Mostly because you’re afraid it will be painful.

“Is there a way you can kill me first? I don’t want it to hurt.”

The smiling vampire shakes his head.

“No.”

You thought death was supposed to be a void. A void of darkness, devoid of physical matter, emotions, and thoughts. But it hurts. It hurts so much.

Then, a void does take over.

Jeongguk knew you’d try again. If he wouldn’t kill you, you were going to find someone who would. And despite hoping that you would’ve changed your mind, he was unfortunately right. He spent an hour roaming the dark streets around the town’s attempt at a nightlife, but he didn’t come across you. Not until he visits the same place where you first found him, a place he wouldn’t take as your first choice since you ran into him there a week earlier.

He’s spent hours and hours these last weeks with you on his mind; the little human who wants to die so badly. It’s just something about you and your willingness to die that doesn’t sit right with him, and you won’t leave his thoughts. It’s not his business, he told himself as he saw you curled up and unconscious in your car. Who is he to tell someone what they should do with their life? If anything, respecting your wishes and consuming freely donated blood is easier and more ethical than taking it from plastered people who aren’t really sure what’s going on, right?

The scenes replaying the most in his head are more recent. It’s the way you suggested he kill and butcher your body, saying no one would look for you anyway, and how you called for him, unknowing that your blood was dripping to the floor but still trying your hardest to squeeze that ball for him. Your fingers were barely moving, but you tried since he wanted that blood.

He’s not entirely sure what he’s doing, trying to convince you to live, but he guesses that he simply needs to know that you experienced some good things in life too. He can’t let you end it this way, as a lifeless body, discarded somewhere where no one will find you.

Anger, frustration, and an odd feeling of helplessness flood him as he takes in the sight of the vampire in the process of draining you dry. He rushes into the dark alleyway, the vampire looking up from your neck just as Jeongguk strikes. There’s not much of a fight after that. The first vampire stumbles backward, and Jeongguk grabs your lifeless body from him as the second vampire approaches, eyes wide and with his hands raised shoulder height.

“Easy, man.”

“I fucking told you to leave her alone.”

The dazed vampire grumbles something, but Jeongguk doesn’t pay him any attention. He places your body down on the snow-covered ground and looks at your pale face while searching for a pulse right under your jaw.

“She wanted to die.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jeongguk growls. “How much did you take?”

There is no pulse.

“At least three fourths. Possibly more.”

Jeongguk shuts his eyes. There’s no coming back from that.

You’ve lost and regained consciousness due to blood loss one too many times by now, but this time, it really feels different. Opening your eyes, the sunlight filling the room irritates your eyes, forcing you to squint for a few seconds.

Without moving, you focus on something. The vampire. Jeon, was it? You watch as he rummages through his closet, practically soundlessly, taking out a few items and looking them over before settling on what looks like two black shirts, one long-sleeve and one short-sleeve. Then he digs out a pair of shorts and another pair of sweatpants.

You’re not used to seeing him in direct sunlight, but now, the rays filtering through the half-opened blinds paint him in a new light, and you let your eyes linger on his arms as he folds the clothes. The green t-shirt he wears is doing a great job at highlighting his veiny, muscular forearms as they work. Light and shadows play along those very defined muscles, accentuating them further.

Your first impression of him was a cold one, one that slowly warmed a little over time both physically and mentally. But in this light? Without even touching him, he looks… warmer to you. Inviting, almost like when he wore that black hoodie.

You sigh quietly and pull the blanket that’s thrown over you closer. The vampire hears and turns around, placing the clothes at the foot of his large bed.

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

You take a moment to consider his question. Though you’ve certainly felt better in a lot of ways, you don’t feel the way you’ve come to associate with severe blood loss.

“Cold. And tired, but in a weird way.”

Weird is probably the best way to describe how you’re feeling in general. You feel light, but not weak. Tired, but not sleepy.

He nods understandingly, “It’ll pass.”

You catch his gaze, holding it for a quiet moment. “You changed me, didn’t you?”

It’s the only explanation you can come up with. That vampire was hungry, and you remember slowly losing control in his grasp, both over your body and consciousness. With how many near-death experiences your body has endured in the last weeks—all blood loss related—there just wasn’t any chance you’d survive another draining.

“Yeah.” He looks away, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I couldn’t…”

You think you understand well enough what he’s trying to say, although you’re not too sure of his reasons or how to feel about it. He couldn’t let you die. In a way, you’re disappointed because you were finally getting what you wanted, and dying has proved itself to be surprisingly difficult for you.

But you’re not angry; not like you were after the vampire saved you the first time. He mentioned once that not even vampires are immortal, so at least you know that you’re not doomed to an eternal life in suffering; you can always try again if you want. However, you’d be back at square one when it comes to options, but you don’t really feel the urgency anymore. At least not at the moment.

He turns his head toward you, meeting your eyes with his deep, dark ones. “Let me show the world to you.”

Surprised to say the least, you mumble a quiet “What?”

He angles his body further toward you, and you see that despite the softer look on his face, he’s certain. “I want to show you everything the world has to offer. All the good things; the magical places and people.”

Not sure what to say, you just stare at him.

“Vampires are not immortal,” he continues. “If you really don’t want this, I’ll help you die. I promised. But please, think about it. No catch, no expectations.”

“But why… Why would you want that?”

You’ve been alone for so long, unable to keep people around and interested, so why would this being be?

“Because I found that I really didn’t enjoy draining you of your life, especially when you were already so low to begin with. I want you to get the chance to experience the good things life has to offer, and I can’t help but want to be around when you do.”

“You don’t know me though.”

“I kinda want to,” he says, standing up with the cheekiest smile you’ve ever seen on him. “Think about it, okay? I’m not expecting anything from you other than that you consider.”

Still very much processing his words, you feel a cold shiver wreck your body, something the vampire notices.

“I’ll get you another blanket. Your body is still in the process of changing, and with that comes a decrease in temperature. It’s normal to feel cold.”

He’s about to leave when you call for him.

“Wait. What… What's your name? Your given name?”

He stops, and he smiles again. “Jeongguk. And I know yours already; it was on your door.”

You sleep for a little while longer, but when you start to feel better, you also start to think. You’ve been so certain for so long, and you still are—you think—but… either way, you’d like some answers; a clearer view of the whole picture.

“Jeongguk?” you call, unsure how loud you need to be. It feels strange to use a name for the vampire.

It doesn’t take long before the door opens. “Yeah?”

“I have some… questions.”

He nods, stepping into the darkness that is his bedroom and closing the door behind him.

“Light sensitive?” he nods toward the window, where you’ve pulled the curtains closed over the blinds.

“Yeah… Is that normal?”

“It is. So is feeling sensitive to sound, touch, smell; basically all the senses. But it will pass pretty quickly.”

“Okay. Well, can you… tell me everything about being a vampire? I didn’t think you slept, but you do? Or why do I still sleep?”

He rounds the bed to sit next to you, and you feel it sink as he gets comfortable. Slowly, you turn to face him, watching him lean back against the headboard.

“So, basically, we can do all the things humans do. For instance, you’re still programmed to breathe, but it’s more of a habit and a way to smell than a means of survival.”

While he speaks, you try it. It’s strange, holding your breath and not feeling that strong, strong urge to take in air after a while.

“You can eat human food, but it’s not what sustains you, so most vampires don’t. It gets kinda boring after a while; you’ll see what I mean. Most also don’t sleep as they consider it a waste of time, but you can if you want to. I do pretty regularly. I find it… peaceful, and when you get older, it can be nice, getting a break between days.”

Hearing him talk so casually and almost… softly has you smiling slightly, unable to help it. So he had been sleeping when you knocked on the door, and his hair was all messy, and he looked so cuddly? You don’t know why, but you like that thought.

“You can exist in sunlight, you can consume garlic. Mirrors work for us as well. We don’t age like humans, but we can die if we’re pierced through the heart by something wooden—”

“—You mean staked?”

He looks at your wide, amused eyes and rolls his. “Yeah. Staked. Anyway, you’ll notice that your senses are heightened, and you’ll become stronger too. Not stronger than me, though,” he grins. “As for the blood, you can survive on any.”

“Any?”

What does he mean by that? Human and animal?

“Human, animal, vampire,” he says, the last one surprising you.

You blink, taken aback. “Vampires drink from other vampires?”

“We can. It’s not as common as feeding on humans as it’s mostly… a pretty intimate thing to do.”

“Oh, okay.”

Thinking about it, you guess you can see why. Having someone so close, feeding on you without the power imbalance of prey versus predator that feeding on humans entails, must feel… intimate. More of a give and take.

“You’ll need to feed in about a day or two, so you can choose. I have more human blood than just yours as it might be weird to drink your own blood, and I can get animal blood if that feels easier. Or… if you want to, you can drink from me.”

You look at him questioningly. “Didn’t you just say that it’s an intimate thing?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, but if it would make for an easier transition for you, I don’t mind. I’ve taken a lot of blood from you, after all.”

“Okay,” you nod, briefly biting your lip. “I’ll think about it. About all of… this.”

Is death the thing you wanted above all else, or was it to get out of the life you were living? Now that your old life is, in a way, over, you’re not sure. Regardless, there are other worries still plaguing you. You look—almost stare—at his pretty face.

“What?”

You bite your lip nervously again. “What if you change your mind? I’m assuming this was quite a rushed decision on your part. What if I don’t live up to your expectations? I barely knew how to navigate this world as a human, there’s no way I could… manage on my own as… as a vampire.”

Say you decide to give it a shot; what do you do if he grows tired of you?

“Changing someone is not something we take lightly. We don’t…” he looks around, seemingly searching for the right words. “We don’t change anyone if we’re not prepared to guide them, at least through the first years. Usually, vampires only end up turning their romantic partners, so for most, it means staying together for life. Regardless, it’s a big decision.”

Noticing your wide eyes, Jeongguk smiles and chuckles. “I’m not saying you have to hang around me for the rest of your life, and I won’t ask you to play my wife or anything, but I won’t abandon you.”

It’s surprising enough to hear that vampires not only regularly fall in love with humans but take changing someone so seriously. But you’re even more surprised to hear him use the word ‘wife.’

“Your wife?” you ask, truly bewildered that word was even in his thoughts. “You said vampirism doesn't make you much prettier?”

He looks at you like you’ve grown another head. “It doesn’t. But you didn’t need to become prettier anyway.”

“Oh, come on.”

“I’m telling the truth? Don’t you remember what I told you when I carried you home that night?”

‘You’re a pretty girl, you know?’

Of course you remember, but it doesn’t mean it was true.

You roll your eyes. “You were feeling bad for me.”

“Hm,” Jeongguk looks away, thinking. “Okay, do you remember the very first thing I said to you?”

“That you weren’t going to turn me?”

“For sex, yeah. But I said I’d still fuck you.”

The smile he gives you reminds you more of the vampire that took your blood once every fortnight than the one who saved you. You don’t know what to say, and he seems to realize that, his smile turning softer.

“Like I said, I would’ve fucked you because you were pretty even as a human. Also, about luring said humans in? You will not have a problem with that if that’s something you’re interested in. I kinda want to see you do that, actually,” he grins, sending a shiver down your spine. “Hot.”

Jeongguk is sitting spread out on the rented apartment’s low couch, reading the back of a bottle of red wine when you pass him. It’s hot—a lot warmer than what you’re used to from your little hometown—and you sigh as you open the door to the balconet wider and fresh air starts to play with your dress. The weather doesn’t affect you like it used to, but some aspects are still more enjoyable than others.

“I think I like Rome,” you place your hands on the railing, looking down at the scene two stories below you. It’s just after ten p.m., and people are dining outside the restaurant below you, their happy chatter accompanied by the romantic sound of street musicians. The air is humid, and besides the moonlight, the street is mainly illuminated by lights from the restaurant and surrounding shops.

You hear Jeongguk put the bottle down on the glass coffee table and stand up, something your human ears wouldn’t have picked up.

“We can stay longer if you want,” he offers quietly from right behind you.

Turning around, you let your gaze travel over his white dress shirt, held together by two single buttons—the rest lazily unbuttoned—and exposing most of his drool-worthy chest. He smirks, looking down at you, and you’re hit by how he hasn’t changed that much since you first met him in that alley. You’ve just gotten to see more sides of him.

You hold your breath, carefully reaching your hand out to pinch the fabric of his shirt between your thumb and index finger, pulling a little on it and nodding.

“Then we’ll stay,” he smiles, slowly stepping back and taking your hand softly in his. His skin feels warm against yours, and it’s almost like some sort of electric current courses through you. You grin as he pulls you toward him, moving to the slow and sensual music drifting up from outside.

Jeongguk lifts your hand above your head and twirls you. It makes you smile even wider, and you decide to place your arms loosely around his neck. He doesn’t object, just looks down at you, still smiling.

One thing you'll never get used to is how handsome he is. Soft, black hair parted across his forehead, dark eyebrows and eyes, and a dimple that pops out when he smiles. One day, you’ll kiss his nose, you promise yourself. He looks so carefree, peering down at you like nothing else really matters; a mindset not too difficult to follow with him.

“How come everything is so… easy?”

He tilts his head, trying to make sense of your words as he places his hands on your waist. “Well… do you feel cared for?”

You think about it. All the new people—vampires—you’ve met so far are very funny and kind. They see you, and they listen to you. Especially Jeongguk’s friends, and even more so, Jeongguk. He’s easy to be around, and he’s been incredibly sweet to you, understanding that you’re going through a big change and that your previous life wasn’t all that great.

So you nod.

“Do you have anything that worries you?” He continues. “A looming anxiety regarding something?”

“No.” Turns out that Jeongguk and all his friends are filthy rich and also very generous, which means that you have no rent to pay, no stuff to buy, or bills to pay. Nor do you have people to impress or time-sensitive achievements to stress over.

Jeongguk’s smile turns extra cheeky. “Do you perhaps… also care a little bit for someone?”

You’d blush if that was something you could do. “You’d like to know, wouldn’t you?”

He chuckles before he turns a little more serious. “Jokes aside, there could be many reasons. Like I said, not feeling lonely or overly anxious surely helps a lot, but also stuff like… the change of scenery and seasons. But also…”

“Also…?”

He looks at you with a searching gaze, as if he’s trying to figure something out. “Tell me, did you ever see someone about how you felt?”

You shake your head.

“So you never got a diagnosis or medication?”

“No.”

“Then, maybe… you weren’t ‘only’ sad, and vampirism corrected some chemical imbalance in your brain. It could also explain why things are easier.”

Maybe. You thought that your mother dying was the catalyst for your sadness, and without seeing the point of the world, you got “weirder,” and the few people in your life withdrew. Then it was just you, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t connect with people anymore. But maybe, like he said, it wasn’t ‘only’ feelings. A small part of you wishes you would’ve tried to get help, but a bigger part—although sad for the years you spent suffering—thinks this ending might be better.

He continues to sway your bodies, and you rest your head against his chest. When you left with him three months ago, one month after he changed you, you weren’t entirely certain where things would lead, because despite definitely feeling attracted to him, you didn’t really know him. But as the days pass, you don’t regret it, and you’re pretty sure you’re more than halfway to head over heels. You can’t deny that he gives you butterflies.

Sighing, you catch the scent of his naked skin against your cheek, reminded of something.

“You smell good. I remember thinking that you didn’t smell like anything?”

He laughs as you move your face slowly over his chest and up to his neck, smelling him.

“Do I?”

“Yeah,” you say, breathing him in and closing your eyes. There’s the same notes of laundry detergent, soap, and cologne, but also something unique to him. He doesn’t smell like a human, but… almost. It draws you in, that’s for certain.

“Are you hungry?” he wonders quietly.

“Not sure,” you answer honestly. It’s turned out to be harder to tell than you imagined.

“Well, if you want it… go for it.”

“Like this?” you ask, pushing on his chest with a smile. He lets you walk him slowly back toward the couch, and when the back of his knees hit the edge, he sinks down onto it.

“Mhm,” he hums happily.

High on the vampire equivalent of adrenaline, you straddle his lap, only to be caught off guard by his scent again. “No, but really, you smell so good.”

He chuckles. “Vampires who are more… compatible tend to smell good to each other.”

His revelation has you sitting back, curious but almost a little worried. Despite the details of your relationship being... a bit unclear—mostly due to his unwillingness to pressure you, you think—you can't help but want him to like you. “Does that mean that I smell good to you as well then? I mean, I remember that you didn’t like my blood?”

“You smell incredible to me. Almost addictive,” he reveals quietly, softly, resting his hands on your thighs, and you think your human heart would’ve raced. “And about your blood… I lied.”

Though grinning happily, there’s at least a trace of regret in his eyes.

“You lied? About not liking my blood?”

“Yeah. B is actually one of the more highly regarded blood types. I’m also B, but negative.”

You shake your head at him before carefully leaning in. With a soft touch of your lips, you locate the pulsating artery in his neck, gently angling his head away with your hands. Then, as you’ve done regularly for the last months, you pierce his skin with your fangs.

“I’m kinda surprised you still believed I didn’t like your blood,” he continues, though it sounds a little strained, like he’s trying to keep still. “If I didn’t like your blood, I wouldn’t have needed to change my feeding days to the day before you came. Nor would I have tried to attack you.”

You listen to his words, but you’ll have to process them better later because his blood is pretty much the only thing on your mind. His blood and his body. It took you a few times to get over the mental association with blood and drinking it, but now, it’s not something bad. It tastes and feels good, energizing you in a way food just doesn’t anymore. And it’s a chance to bond, making you feel closer to him.

He likes it too, if his body language is anything to go by. You know he tries to stay still to give you the best chance to get what you need without distractions, but the little… almost purring sound that reverberates from somewhere deep in his chest is hard to miss. As is the way his hips shift almost unnoticeably, but you haven’t spoken about that.

Being smaller and recently changed, you don’t require nearly as much blood as he does, and as soon as you feel the urge filled, you run your tongue over the wound to close it, just like he’s taught you to.

“Good?” he asks when you pull back, and you nod, licking your lips.

You keep your eyes on his skin, knowing that it only takes a second for the wound to heal but up to two weeks for the scar from another vampire's teeth to fade to nothing.

“All of the vampires we’ve met, they’ve looked so… amused when they understand I drink from you. Why is that? I get that it’s ‘intimate’ but they were pretty much all couples, weren’t they? Not that we’re… you know…”

You haven’t spoken about that, either, really.

It confused you, more so since you last week stumbled across a local couple smiling very cheekily when they saw the scar on Jeongguk’s neck that he’d made absolutely no effort to conceal.

He laughs. “It’s because only I have marks.”

You look puzzled. Yeah, sure, but you don’t understand why that would be amusing.

He looks at your confused face and continues. “The fact that you drink from me but not I from you usually means that I’ve submitted to you. That I belong to you. Which is not very common when I’m so much older than you. It’s usually the other way around if anything.”

“Oh,” you exclaim quietly, lifting your hand to your neck. “Should I…? Do you… want to feed from me? Cause I’m not sure that I…”

You don’t like the idea of losing blood. You know that Jeongguk has said that as a vampire, you quite literally can’t run out, but you don’t like it. Thinking about someone biting your neck has images from the night you died flashing before your eyes. You don’t remember much, but you remember being scared and how much it hurt. Surely, it would be different to let him bite you, but… you don’t know. You can’t help but feel like maybe you should? Don’t you kind of owe it to him?

“I want to, of course I do, but not that badly. I get that it’s an uncomfortable concept for you, so that’s why I haven’t brought it up. If you ever feel comfortable enough, we can try, because it’s very hot, but otherwise, it doesn’t matter.”

You lower your hand, smiling carefully down at him. He runs his hands over your thighs softly.

“So, you’re really just… ancient?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah? You’re literally older than Jesus?”

He rolls his eyes, still smiling.

“Jokes aside, doesn’t it get boring? You were kinda grumpy when I first met you.”

“Truth be told, it does. I’ve seen everything, mostly even many times over. But getting to see everything with you is like getting to experience it for the first time all over again.”

“That’s kinda… cheesy,” you chuckle, but you can’t deny that it makes you feel warm inside. “Yuqi said you probably needed a change of scenery as well.”

“So what if it’s cheesy? It’s true," he grins, and it's your turn to roll your eyes. "And, yeah, she might’ve been right. I guess vampires get lonely too sometimes.”

Although he's still smiling, you can't help but hurt a little, thinking about him feeling lonely too.

“So then, what’s next?" you ask. "When do we leave for Portugal?”

“Depends on when you want to. I’ll just tell Taehyung we’ll meet them later. As for now, you know Fontana di Trevi?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna take a dip?”

“What? Isn’t it pretty shallow? And probably… illegal?”

“What are they gonna do? Stop us?” He smiles a wide, happy smile, his white fangs almost glimmering in the romantically dimmed light.

<previous | next> author's note: i hope you liked it!! please reblog if you did <3<3<3

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jamieroyjamieroy · 1 month ago

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Having trouble writing my wips so I’ve written this little ficlet. I’m hoping it helps get my brain back into writing.

Enjoy this little whatever it is!

“We need to get married.”

The casualness catches Tommy off guard once the words register. It was said in the same tone someone would say ‘we need milk’. Like passing along some mundane information, like it’s a statement that has been made hundreds of times before and will be made a hundred more times in the future. No excitement, no emotion. Just a fact. They need to get married.

Hundreds of thoughts, fears, hopes and questions fly through Tommy’s mind in the blink of an eye. His brain still trying to catch up with the dramatic change in conversation, it’s trying not to freak out and go with the first instinct of running. Tommy takes a deep breath, he has done a lot of work to not act on that instinct. “Evan. What did you say?” Tommy asks wanting to make sure he heard correctly so he can react appropriately. Not that he knows what that reaction would look like.

“We need to get married.” Evan repeats not looking up from his phone, the tone in which he drops this bomb hasn’t changed. It is still said like it’s a fact, a forgone conclusion. Evan could be saying ‘today is Thursday so tomorrow is Friday.’ Tommy isn’t completely freaked out by the notion. Well he is but he isn’t going to jump to conclusions like the time Evan asked him to move in. Or the time Evan said he didn’t need feelings to sleep with someone. Tommy has begun to adapt to Evan’s impulsiveness and he gives them both a moment to process what was said. Time for him to remind himself how much he loves Evan and being hurt by him isn’t inevitable. Time for Evan to realise what he has said and how he has said it. Tommy can pinpoint the moment the words register for Evan.

His head pops up so fast Tommy is sure Evan has pulled a muscle in his neck. The pained expression on his face could be from that or the fear of having spooked Tommy once again. Evan drops his phone and approaches Tommy slowly like you would a terrified animal. It would be comical to Tommy if the realisation that he did this to Evan didn’t hit in that moment. He put that terror in Evan’s heart. He could kick himself for that.

“Hmmm interesting idea, could be an A plus idea one day. But today I’m going to have to give you an F for the execution. Gonna need a little more enthusiasm and romance next time you ask.” Tommy smiles wrapping his arms around a confused Evan. “Maybe hold off until we get past the moving in stage?”

“Ah, oh. I’m. Ugh. I said that out loud didn’t I?” Evan leans his head on Tommy’s shoulder and hides his embarrassment and fear. Tommy runs a comforting hand up and down his back. “I’m sorry Tommy I wasn’t thinking. Well I was but the, the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn’t work sometimes. I, I don’t. I’m not. That wasn’t a proposal.” Evan stutters out, Tommy relaxing a little when Evan’s arms wrap around him despite the tension in Evan’s own body.

“Hey. It’s ok. Remember we agreed no more running. No more assumptions. We talk. We work through it. We stick together. I’ll admit it shocked me to hear that. But I’m not leaving.” Tommy does his best to emphasise his words so Evan believes him. “Want to tell me why you had that thought?”

Tommy’s question hangs in the air, Evan’s face still hidden away. The two of them standing in the middle of Evan’s living room wrapped in each other’s arms, swaying slightly as both their heartbeats settle back to a normal rhythm. He begins to wonder if Evan will answer him. A low short chuckle tickles his neck.

“It’s so stupid.” Evan lifts his head, the tears in his eyes has Tommy worried until the chuckle comes again. “I was thinking about trying that new recipe I found last night. A few of the ingredients I need to get from a specialty shop so I was searching for locations.” Evan is smiling now, looking less distressed and concerned so Tommy relaxes more. They are still swaying, more like slow dancing if they were at a middle school dance, Tommy doesn’t let go. He hums to show he is listening, not interrupting.

“Anyway I found a place and it’s near the park I take Jee to sometimes. Then I thought about how cute she looked playing dress up the other week when I was babysitting. Which led me to think about how cute she looked as the flower girl for Maddie and Chim’s wedding. Annnddd then I thought how adorable she would look at our wedding as our flower girl and my mouth was running before my brain caught up with it.” Evan admits his embarrassment clear on his face.

“That’s an interesting train of thought.” Tommy tries to keep a straight face but he can’t help the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when Evan mentioned their wedding. He is not ready for that, neither of them are ready for that. Not yet. But the idea of marrying Evan, that Evan is thinking of their wedding excites him. Terrifies him. But the thought of losing Evan again, losing him for good is far more terrifying.

“I’m sorry Tommy I didn’t mean to.” Evan is cut off by fingers grabbing his chin and lips kissing his. Evan opens for Tommy, sinking into the kiss.

“Like I said I want more enthusiasm and romance next time you ask.” Tommy kisses a stunned and silent Evan. Tommy hooks a hand in Evan’s shirt and pulls him towards the bedroom, only breaking the kiss to remove their shirts. He is going to show Evan that talk of their future doesn’t send him running anymore.

#bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #my writing #in a slump #sorry if this is bad #ficlet

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darkwitchoferie · 2 months ago

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The sun, moon, and stars

Summary: College!AU You and your bestie Felix got into the same university and things continued on just like they’d been since you met at 11 years old. Until his latest girlfriend, anyway.

CW/TW: Abusive relationship (briefly, not detailed), f slur used (not by members or reader), slapping (just 1 and not against or from any of the members), angst in the beginning, slow love-making (seriously guys, this is love-making, not sex), oral (f receiving), unprotected piv sex

WC: 5.8k

This fic is part of a series of unconnected best friends to lovers fics, the others of which can be found on my master list.

You weren’t even sure you wanted to be at this party. Yeah, it was meant to celebrate a soccer victory for two of your friends who were on the university’s soccer team, but big parties like this weren’t your usual scene. You much preferred smaller parties, events where you knew everyone or at least most everyone, and where you could actually hear yourself think. Still, the victory was a big deal for Chan and Changbin so you were there for them.

All of your friends would be there, which was both a relief and a problem. A relief because you had enough friends that you’d always be able to hang out with at least one of them. A problem because of your best friend. You’d been best friends with Felix since your first day in your new high school when he’d come up to you with his sunshine smile and offered to show you around. It had turned into the closest friendship you’d ever known.

And then, for you anyway, it had morphed into something deeper. It started out slow and you couldn’t really pinpoint one moment as when you looked at your friend and thought ‘yeah, I’m in love with him’. It was a series of moments – watching him help a little kid to laugh after he’d just fallen over, him always willing to spare a minute or two to listen to your problems and either offer comfort or solutions depending on what you wanted, the way he laughed after a disastrous attempt at cooking breakfast together – just normal, every day type moments.

All of that was fine. You found comfort in your love for your best friend, even if you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you felt. You reasoned it was better this way anyway – as his best friend, you still got to spend plenty of time with him and you didn’t risk losing him this way.

Then came Melody. She’d transferred to your university this year and had, to your eyes, set her sights on Felix right away. Not that you blamed her, or any of the others, for that. You weren’t blind, after all. But Melody was different. In every other relationship he’d been in, Felix had still made time for you. Your movie nights shifted to Thursdays instead of Fridays sometimes, but they still happened. He’d still answer your calls or show up unexpectedly for lunch. And in the beginning with Melody, it had been the same.

You’d done everything you could think of to be welcoming to her. You’d made sure she had a standing invite to movie night, you asked her about herself, tried to get to know her. It hadn’t mattered. She’d been, at best, stand-offish with you. Never outright hostile, but you could practically feel the hostility behind her eyes any time she looked at you.

Then Felix started pulling away from you. It started out simple, just a single cancelled movie night. Then it spiraled to the point where the only time you saw him anymore was in big group settings like this and even then, he barely talked to you. You’d heard more about his life in the past couple months from his little sister Olivia than you had from him and you’d only talked to her twice in as many months.

It was getting too painful for you to be around him now and you feared there’d be a day he’d look at you and you’d have no idea who he was anymore.

You were standing with Chan, close to his side so you could hear him over the loud music, listening to him tell you his perspective on the game. You’d been there – you’d watched it happen – but he loved to recount it, said it was different from the pitch, so you’d listen. From the corner of your eye, you saw Melody’s strawberry blonde curls approaching. Quietly, you braced yourself and hated that you felt the need to do that before seeing the man who was supposed to be your best friend.

“Hey guys,” Felix smiled as he approached, eyes on Chan. “Hey Channie, great game today!”

“Thanks Felix.” You looked over at the pair of them while Chan started recounting the game again. You couldn’t help but notice the way Melody’s hands were curled around Felix’s bicep and, though it was probably wildly unfair of you, you couldn’t stop from making the comparison to a bird’s talons in your head.

Through the conversation between the two men, Felix smiled, laughed, and nodded along appropriately, but he never once looked at you. It seemed like she’d been waiting for you to realize that because, as soon as you did, Melody caught your eye and you saw something malicious flash in hers before she grinned and tightened her hold on her boyfriend.

Laying a hand on Chan’s arm to get his attention, you made a vague excuse about going to find Hyunjin and ducked away from the group. You scanned the area of the living room that had been cleared of furniture to make a dance floor, quickly spotting the man you were looking for.

You wove through the crowd until you were stood next to him. The further you got from Felix, the harder it was to hold in the tears that had started forming the second you realized he hadn’t acknowledged you at all.

“Hey, Y/nnie!” Hyunjin’s reflexive smile dimmed when he caught sight of you up close. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to get out of here,” you muttered to him, holding back your tears as well as you could. You didn’t want any of these people to see you cry.

He took one look at you, glanced up to see Felix and Melody chatting with Chan, and nodded. “Lemme grab our jackets. C’mon,” he wrapped an arm around you, gently steering you through and protecting you from the crowd of people.

Out on the porch, you shrugged your jacket on, wind being high enough to make it chillier than you had expected. “Hey babe,” Changbin strode up the steps toward you and pressed a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Hey Y/nnie, wha – what’s wrong?”

“I gotta go, Bin. You did great today, I’m so –” you swallowed back the tears so you could talk, “proud of you.”

“Thanks, but are you okay?”

“I will be. Don’t worry about me, Hyune’s gonna take me home. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Bin! There you are! I was – Y/N?” Minho joined you all out on the porch.

You loved your friends, loved that they were concerned about you, but you needed to be out of here. You felt the tears finally starting to drip down your cheeks and tightened your hold on Hyunjin’s hand. He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand and the two of you quickly hurried away, Hyunjin telling his boyfriend he might not make it back to the house tonight.

“You don’t have to stay with me, Hyune. I’ll be fine.”

“And I – not to mention Changbin and Minho at least – will feel better if you’re not alone.” The pair of you walked in silence for a few minutes and you were grateful you didn’t live too far from the house your friends shared. “Wanna tell me what happened?” he asked after a minute.

A sigh shuddered out of you. “Can we wait?”

“Need to be home?” You nodded. He wrapped his arm around you and held you against his side as the pair of you finished the rest of the short journey to your apartment.

~~~

Changbin and Minho strode up to where Felix was still talking to Chan, Melody still wrapped around his arm. Minho noted her grip tightening when she noticed they’d joined them. Felix obviously noticed it as well, turning to look at the pair.

“Hey guys,” his smile turned to a flinch as Melody dug her nails into his arm.

“Sorry, baby. Wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” The fake whiny tone in her voice grated on Minho’s nerves.

“No, babe. I’m good.” He smiled down at her then turned his full attention back to Chan. “So I was –”

“Sorry, Chan,” Changbin interrupted the conversation, stepping into Felix’s line of sight. “Listen, we just saw Y/N running out of here crying.” It was a little bit of an exaggeration, but he figured now was the time for exaggeration. “Do you know what’s wrong with her?”

“No!” Felix looked alarmed. “She didn’t say anything? Is she alone?”

“Hyune’s taking her home.”

“So she’s fine then,” Melody put in, trying to come off as sympathetic or understanding, but missing the mark with too much venom in her voice.

“No she’s not. Y/N doesn’t cry in front of people,” Felix shook Melody off. “She didn’t say anything to you guys?”

“No, but I can guess why,” Minho looked pointedly at Melody.

“What do you mean? Why’re you looking at Mel like that?”

“Because it’s Mel’s fault, Felix. No, don’t. I’m so beyond done with this, someone has to tell him,” Minho shook off both Chan and Changbin. Not that either had been trying all that hard to stop him from speaking.

“Tell me what?”

“Your little girlfriend has been isolating you from some of us. Making you stop hanging out with us. Surely you noticed that she didn’t dig her little claws into you until Bin and I got here? She doesn’t have a problem with Chan.”

“I don’t….” He turned to look at Melody for an explanation.

“You shouldn’t be around people who could be into you,” Mel elaborated in a tone that suggested she thought this was obvious knowledge.

“What?” Felix shook his head, confused.

“Oh. You really didn’t know,” Minho said. “We thought you were agreeing to it. Well, Y/N didn’t, but the rest of us did.”

“Agreeing to what?!” Felix demanded looking between his friends and his girlfriend.

“She’s been pulling you away from some of us. Not all. Not me, Seungmin, or Jeongin.”

“Just the fags and that girl,” Melody confirmed, shrugging a shoulder as if it were no big deal.

The effect on all four men was immediate. Changbin took a step back, as if trying to remove himself from the situation before doing something he’d regret. Chan and Minho puffed up, both opening their mouths with some vitriolic comment they didn’t get a chance to make because Felix stepped between them and Melody.

“How dare you,” he spoke softly, anger and disappointment leeching any emotion from his voice, despite it being written all over his face and body posture. “How fucking dare you say that about my friends. These are the most important people in my life and –”

“I am the most important person in your life,” she interrupted, furiously jabbing at his chest. “I am your girlfriend. What I want, I get.”

Felix stared at her silently for a moment. “You were my girlfriend,” he said, voice still soft but now dripping with disdain. “Lose my number, Melody. Forget where I live. Do not ever come back to this house or speak to me, or any of my friends, again.”

“What?! You can’t do this! You’re seriously breaking up with me over these fags and that bitch?!” Felix’s hand flexed beside him, aching to slap her.

“Here,” Chan’s girlfriend, Lisa, had come up at some point when none of them were paying attention. She grabbed Melody by the upper arm, spun her around, and slapped her across the face, leaving a bright red hand print. “He won’t hit a girl, none of them will. I will. Get out now, or so help me I will drag you out of here by your bottle-dyed perm.” They all turned to watch her leave, the now semi-quiet party quickly parting to make way for her.

Felix had no idea when they’d become the center of attention and while normally he wouldn’t be upset about it, now was not a good time.

“Alright, people! It’s not like you haven’t seen a break-up before,” Seungmin and Jeongin were making their way over to their friends, the former trying to get the crowd to stop watching. “Show’s over, go back to your drinks and dancing!” Steadily, accepting that the show was indeed over, the party resumed.

“Nice hit, Lis.”

“Thanks, Innie,” she smiled, accepting the friendly kiss to her cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Felix shook his head, tears now gathering in his eyes. “I didn’t realize –”

“We know,” Changbin interrupted. “We know if you knew she felt like that, this would’ve ended ages ago.”

“She was clever with it,” Chan agreed. “Had to be to hide it for so long. Now what?”

“Huh?”

“We just told you your best friend all but ran out of here crying. What’re you doing still here?” Minho asked.

“Hyune’s taking her home?” he looked to Changbin for confirmation. The shorter man nodded. “Okay. Uh, don’t wait up for me. Might not be back for… a while. I have –”

“We know. Bye now,” Chan turned him and pushed him toward the front door. Felix took off, hoping to catch you before you got to your apartment.

~~~

You hurried to your room, flicking on your two bedside lamps instead of the overhead light, Hyunjin trailing behind you. You’d managed to reign in your tears on the walk and were feeling a little less sad and a little more angry. As you started to roughly scrub your light makeup off with a makeup wipe, you said, “I expect things to change with Felix when he’s dating someone. They always do, of course they do. Just like it changes when I’m seeing someone.” He followed you to the bathroom while you quickly washed your face then back to your room, turning his back when you stripped down so you could tug on your pajama pants and tank top.

“I don’t expect him to spend as much time with me as before, particularly when it’s a serious relationship. I don’t expect to be his top priority, even when he’s not seeing someone. I know I’m just his friend.” You sighed, grabbing your brush to brush out your hair.

“What I do expect, is for my supposed best friend to at least acknowledge my presence.” The sob you thought you’d suppressed finally worked it’s way up your throat and past your lips. You paused a moment, working to get yourself back under control and hold onto the anger that was keeping the sadness away. “I do expect a hello when we’re part of the same conversation. Or for him to be… aware, maybe? Of the hostile way his girlfriend looks at me. I don’t…. If she makes him happy, then fine, I can be happy for him. But does it have to come at the expense of his friendships?”

After you were silent for a moment, Hyunjin said, “I don’t think he’s happy. And it isn’t just you. I was a little surprised to see him tonight considering you, me, Bin, Minho, and Ji were all there. Wanna know why us in particular?” You nodded. “We’re the ones of our group attracted to guys. And, though he’s not my type, Felix is objectively attractive. She’s been pulling him away from the five of us specifically. Chan, Seung, Innie – they all see him regularly. Without her, even. But never us.”

You silently absorbed that, a little relieved that it wasn’t just you. Then you asked, “What do you mean? You don’t think he’s happy?”

“I dunno. It’s nothing I can pinpoint exactly, and it’s not like he talks to me one-on-one anymore. But you know how important his social group is to him. You know he calls us his family, and that he’s said how important having us all is. Especially being so far from his sisters and parents.” Hyunjin ran a hand over his buzzed hair. “And it might just be that I’m missing it, but I don’t think he smiles as much as he used to. And there’s something in the way he looks now….” He trailed off but you knew exactly what he meant, you’d seen it before.

“Like he’s going through the motions but not actually enjoying things anymore.”

“Sometimes, yeah. Like a spark’s missing or something.” You were oddly reassured that you hadn’t imagined that – that someone else had seen it. Of course, that meant it was real and you hated that for Felix.

You deflated, the anger leeching out of you. You stepped into Hyunjin space, pressing your face to his chest and shoulder when he immediately wrapped his arms around you. “I love him, Hyune.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean, I love him. Am in love with him. Have been for ages.”

“I know, Y/nnie. I don’t think the others do, I know he doesn’t. But I’ve seen the way you look at him sometimes.”

“How does she look at me?” You whipped around, out of Hyunjin’s arms, to see Felix standing in your doorway.

“The same way you look at her – like you hung the stars and moon just for her.” He looked at you and said, “Like you’re the sun of his universe, the point he revolves around.” Then Hyunjin pressed a soft kiss to your temple as he walked passed you, repeating the action with Felix. “I’ll lock up behind myself. Love you both.”

You watched the spot where he disappeared and waited quietly until you heard your front door close behind Hyunjin. Then you really looked at Felix and noticed the sheen of sweat on his face and how his t-shirt was sticking to his body.

“Did you run here?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Minho and Bin said you were crying, I got into a fight with my, now ex, girlfriend. Then I ran here.”

You walked past him, grabbing his wrist as you did so he’d follow you to the kitchen. You grabbed him a glass of water, pressing it into his hands. “Drink. You got into a fight with Melody?”

He chugged the water down before answering you. “Yeah. I uh…. She said some stuff about you and about some of the guys. I dumped her, Lisa slapped her for me.”

“Sorry I missed that, Lis doesn’t hold back when she hits.”

“Y/nnie, are we not gonna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“About what Hyunjin said.”

“Felix,” you sighed, looking away from him. Then, suddenly, he was in your space, forcing you back against your kitchen counter, his hands braced on the counter on either side of your body, boxing you in. You watched the way his forearm flexed as he gripped the counter.

“Nuh-uh, no denying or deflecting. He said you look at me like I hung the stars and moon for you. That you look at me the same way I look at you.” When you didn’t respond right away, he moved closer, face close enough that you could feel him breathe as he added, voice soft and sweet, “Like you’re the center of my universe, Y/nnie. Like you’re the sun I revolve around.”

“Felix, I….” You looked up, looking right into his eyes and froze at the love and hope all but beaming out of his eyes.

“Please tell me I’ve been wasting time trying to get over you,” he pleaded. “Tell me it wasn’t necessary, that I could’ve – should have – had you to myself this whole time.”

You didn’t answer right away, not with words. Instead you lifted a hand to his face, gently running your fingertips over the apple of one cheek, across his nose, and over the other cheek. You watched his eyelids flutter at the simple action. You cupped his cheek and whispered, “Kiss me, Li –”

You were cut off as he swooped in, claiming your lips in a soft, sweet kiss. One of his hands went to the back of your head while the other wrapped around your waist, tugging you as close to him as possible. You clutched the sides of his shirt in both hands. He tilted your head, deepening the kiss, even as he shifted you away from the counter.

Lost in the soft feel of his lips on yours and the sweet taste of him in your mouth, you didn’t really register that he was maneuvering you out of your kitchen and back to your room until you heard him close your bedroom door behind himself. You broke away, looking slightly confused.

“I’m sorry,” he shifted away a bit, his hands were still on your hips, but he backed off enough to give you space. “Too much? Too soon?”

“Confused. I wasn’t paying attention to us moving anywhere,” you explained, tugging on his shirt to bring him back to you. “Waited way too long for anything to be too soon or too much, Lix.”

That sunshine-bright smile you loved lit up his face just before he leaned in to capture your lips again. His hands slid off your hips, one going around to your low back, the other coming up to cup your cheek. More than once, during group movie nights or hang outs with just the two of you, you’d leaned into his side or lean back against his chest, and he’d wrap his arms around you. Those times you’d find yourself thinking how perfect it felt to be surrounded by him. This was better.

This time you noticed when Felix started moving the pair of you again and so you weren’t surprised to feel your bed at the back of your legs. You sat heavily, breaking your kiss as you did, bouncing slightly on the mattress. He knelt on the floor in front of you.

“Let me?” he asked softly, tugging at your shirt hem. You didn’t hesitate to lift your arms, allowing him to take your sleep tank off. He sat up on his knees, tossing the shirt vaguely toward your clothes hamper, leaning in to find your lips again. His hands smoothed up your sides, coming up to cup both your boobs. You moaned into his mouth, leaning into his touch as he swiped his thumbs over both nipples.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, one hand tangling in his hair as he continued to gently fondle your boobs, pulling little moans and pleasure-filled sighs from your lips. His hand left you as his lips trailed over your jaw and down your neck, then breaking away as he tugged his own shirt off. He pushed you further back on your bed, gently pushing you to lie down. He hovered over you for a moment, fingers tugging on the waistband of your sleep pants in silent question. You nodded, and he swiftly tugged your pants and panties off. He stood over you for just a moment, but not long enough to start to make you feel self-conscious.

“Beautiful,” he said softly, dropping back over you to reclaim your lips. You found your fists tangling in the sheets on either side of you, small moans leaving your lips, as his lips and tongue traveled down your neck and over your chest. Gently, he sucked first one then the other nipple into his mouth, batting each around with his tongue, and leaving them wet and hard as he continued blazing a trail down your torso with his mouth.

His right hand skimmed up your thigh, fingers sliding over and through your lower lips. He groaned against your belly. “Already so wet, baby.”

He backed fully away from you for a moment, shocking you with the temporary loss, to rid himself of his pants and briefs. You watched his hard cock bounce when it was freed from the confines of his briefs, moaning as your pussy clenched at the sight.

He hovered over you again, his cock leaking onto your belly to claim your lips in a soft, yet hungry kiss before he knelt on the floor, tugging you to the edge of your bed and sliding your legs over his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, palms resting on your low abdomen. Steadily, slower than you may have wanted, he pressed open mouthed kisses on the inside of both thighs, starting at your knees and alternating sides. His eyes stayed glued to your face the whole time, soaking up every sigh and slight hitch in your breathing, like he was making note of the sensitive spots.

Reaching your pussy, he pressed a chaste kiss to your clit, eyes still locked on your reactions. You weren’t sure why, especially given the patience he’d already displayed, but part of you was expecting him to dive in with enthusiasm. Instead, he continued to take his time, slowly licking up your slit, lips and tongue exploring your pussy like you had all the time in the world and he was trying to memorize every detail. Maybe he was. And you were totally okay with it, not wanting to rush, just wanting to feel him.

He wrapped his lips around your clit, gently sucking on the bundle of nerves and pulling a low moan from you. When he shifted slightly, using his tongue to part your lips and shallowly thrusting the muscle into your sopping hole, you sighed happily, relaxing back into your bed and not trying to speed up his steady exploration of your pussy. You threaded the fingers of one hand into his hair, not tugging or trying to move him, just holding on to ground yourself as he methodically ate you out.

You’d had boyfriends before who were willing to eat you out, but they’d always treated it as something of a chore, hurrying like they were trying to get it over as soon as possible. So Felix’s steady, thorough pace was new and really nice for you.

He laved his tongue over and between your lips, gathering your taste on his tongue, swallowing it down when he wrapped his lips around your clit again. He thrust his tongue into your hole as deeply as he was able, a slight smile curling his mouth at the quiver he could feel in your belly under his palms. The whines and whimpers he pulled from your mouth encouraged him to keep going, to keep slowly building you up.

As that coil in your belly tightened further, as your orgasm got closer, you couldn’t help but roll your hips against Felix’s mouth. He didn’t change his pace at all, still being deliberate in his actions.

When that coil finally snapped, your back arched off your bed, tugging tightly on his hair, the waves of your orgasm rolling through you rather than crashing over you. Felix switched to pressing gentle kisses against your lips as you panted above him, coming down from your high.

When you were able to, you looked down at him again and found he was still watching your face, his eyes sparkling in the lamplight. “You’re gorgeous when you cum, baby,” he said softly, shifting to crawl up your body, pressing open mouthed kisses to your torso until he reached your lips. “Thank you,” he said, capturing your lips with his in a brief kiss.

“For what?” you asked, confused, after he broke away.

“For letting me have you when you could’ve said no, that I was too late. For letting me take my time with you tonight. For being honest with Hyune earlier when I was here to hear what you both said, even though you didn’t know I was. And just…,” he sighed, dropping his face to rest in the crook of your neck, “for being you, I suppose.”

You wrapped your arms tightly around him, holding him to you. You knew, in that way that best friends know, that he didn’t need or want you to say that he didn’t need to say thank you for any of that. You knew he already knew that. Instead, you combed your fingers through his hair, gently coaxing him to lift up and look at you. When he did, you smiled softly and simply said, “I love you.”

He groaned low in his throat, leaning in to kiss you again. The taste of yourself on his tongue pulled you out of the sweet, cuddly mood you’d found yourself in and right back into a much more needy mood. You moaned, tugging him closer and rolling your hips against him, and felt his chest rumble with his suppressed laugh.

He pulled away with a smile. “Up on the pillows, baby. Come on,” he instructed, tapping your hip. You scrambled up and back until you rested comfortably on your pillows. He followed, kneeling between your spread legs, his own knees spread wide enough to rest against your thighs.

Reaching down to where he knelt between your thighs, you gently scratched your nails over his abs, watching the muscles flutter under your touch. With a smile, you filed that knowledge away for later. You couldn’t stop staring at him, overwhelmed by the way he looked just kneeling between your knees. Who knew someone could still be ethereal even in the middle of sex? You refocused on what you wanted, your hand traveling the rest of the way down his abs, intending to wrap around his cock. Instead, he stopped you, gently grabbing your wrist.

He brought your hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your palm and said, “I’ve been the stupid one, the one ignoring what was right in front of me the whole time. So let me take care of you this time. You just lie back and relax.” A thrill ran up your spine when he said ‘this time’, directly saying there’d be more times. You’d known there would be, all things considered, but you loved hearing him say ‘this time’.

He dropped down, forearms braced on either side of your shoulders keeping him just barely hovering over you. He was close enough that his chest brushed against your sensitive nipples with every movement. With one hand, he held the base of his cock, rolling his hips and soaking his cockhead with your wetness. Watching your face still, he slowly slid into you, his cock stretching and filling you perfectly as he bottomed out.

Breathing heavily, he reached for one of your hands, tangling his fingers with yours and pressing your hand to the pillow beside your head.

“Okay?” he asked, after letting you adjust for a moment.

“Perfect,” you smiled up at him, rewarded with a returned smile and a soft kiss.

He rocked his hips into you, cock steadily dragging through your walls. You were surprised at yourself, at how much this slow-ish, sweet love-making was making you needier and how quickly it was building you to another orgasm. You brought your legs up, wrapping them around his waist in order to hold him closer to you. That shifted the angle of your hips, letting him reach deeper into you than he’d been able to before. You moaned at the new angle, head pressing back into your pillow, fingers tightening on his.

Felix wrapped his other arm under you, lifting your chest slightly so your tits bounced against his chest with every thrust. His lips found your neck easily, kissing, licking, and sucking at the sensitive skin. You felt sure there’d be small hickies decorating your neck and shoulder and were thrilled at the prospect of him marking you for everyone to see.

“Feel good, baby?” he muttered against the skin of your neck.

“Perfect,” you sighed out, voice breathy and blissed out. “You feel perfect.”

Between the long drags of his cock inside you, the friction of his chest against your nipples, his lips on your skin, and the slight pressure on your clit, your orgasm was soon washing over you. Your back arched off the bed, pressing you firmly against his chest and your legs tightened around his waist pulling and holding him deeply inside you. He thrust shallowly into you, helping you ride the waves of your orgasm.

As you came down, breathing heavy, he gently pulled out of you, grinning at your whimpered protests. “’M not goin’ anywhere, baby, relax. Just changing. Here, roll on your side for me, yeah?” He gently helped your roll onto your side, then slotted himself behind you. A hand on your hip, he canted your hips back, arching your low back so that he was able to easily slide back into you.

Your cunt clenched around him as you moaned with the new angle. He wrapped an arm around your middle, palm pressed to your belly, rolling his hips and thrusting into you. You slid your hand over his, tangling your fingers together again. The way his cock dragged over your g spot had you building to another orgasm quicker than you’d have thought. Then his hand, the one you were holding, slid up your body to cup and fondle your tits.

He pressed his lips close to your neck, close enough that you could feel his lips move as he spoke just above a whisper. “Love you so much, Y/nnie. Can’t believe it’s taken us so long to be together. Mine now, right? You’re mine and I’m yours.”

You nodded frantically. “All yours. Always yours,” you agreed, voice breathy.

“Good. Gonna cum, Y/nnie. Can you cum one more time for me? Milk my cock with your pretty pussy? Please, baby?” You nodded, clenching around him. “Just like that, baby. Love you so much. Gonna keep you forever.” His hand slid off your tit, coming down to rub circles against your clit with his thumb. Your fingers, still tangled in his, danced gently over the part of his cock you could reach as he kept steadily thrusting into you. “That’s it. Almost there, baby. I can feel it. C’mon, let go with me.”

Your head dropped back against him as your last orgasm rolled through you. You moaned low as you felt him follow you, his cock twitching as his cum filled you.

You lay quietly together for a few minutes, fingers still intertwined, as you both worked to even out your breathing.

After a moment, he shifted, starting to pull out of you. “No,” you whined, clutching his fingers tighter.

“Want me to stay in, baby? Fall asleep with me still inside you?” You could hear your own tiredness echoed in his voice.

“Yes. Please, baby?”

“Okay. Anything you want, my love.” He pressed gentle kisses to the back and side of your neck as you faded off to sleep.

#skz smut #stray kids smut #skz x reader #felix x reader #lee felix x reader

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silens-oro · 1 month ago

Text

Well Enough Alone: Prologue

Not all fics have adult content, but this blog is 18+. Andrew "Pope" Cody x f!Reader (nicknamed Hawk)

Masterlist Pope Cody Playlist

General Synopsis: Hawk juggles her life between Julia, Julia's son J, and the Cody family. Slow Burn. Word Count: 1,667 Content Warning: No description of the reader, other than the nickname. Warnings will be updated chapter by chapter. Mentions of sex (educational). A/N: I have been writing and editing this story for the better part of two months, piecing it together like Frankenstein's monster. Hawk's relationship with J is everything to me rn. I love Pope as a deeply flawed character and I hope you enjoy what's coming down the pipeline for this. I haven't decided just how long this fic is going to be total, but we're in for a ride. As always, your feedback and comments are most welcome.

“Hey,” J greeted as he stepped into the kitchen, dropping his backpack on the floor by Hawk’s feet. She was sitting on a barstool with her laptop in front of her, working on a schedule for the upcoming orders she had at the shop. “Busy?”

“When am I not?” Hawk answered rhetorically, giving J her attention. “What’s up? How was school?” He opened the fridge, grabbed the carton of orange juice, turned to face Hawk and took a big swig right from the carton, then put it back. “Ew, kid. Nasty. Gross. Disgusting. Foul. Bad.” This made J’s grin widen at the reaction he got out of her. It was times like this that Hawk wished she had a spray bottle.

“You don’t drink it anyway,” He shrugged, knowing exactly what he was doing. Little Shit Behavior, Hawk had told him once, and he ran with it.

“Gee, I wonder why. It's not like you've been leaving little floaties in my drinks your whole life or anything." Hawk brought her attention back down to the schedule. “I swear every teenage boy does this and I cannot for the life of me understand why you have aversions to glassware.” J leaned on the opposite side of the counter, his arms holding his weight up.

“I could leave floaties in it if you miss the good ol' days,” Hawk laughed, stretching her back.

“Keep this up and you’ll be on dish duty for the next week.” Her threats were flimsy at best. The kid picked up after himself and left the house spotless, so much so that he didn’t even dirty the glasses she had, Hawk thought with a sigh as she shook her head. "What are your plans for the night? Any homework you gotta handle?"

“I’m gonna go check on mom, then head over to Nicky’s. There's a pre-calc test on Friday that we need to study for. Is that cool?” Hawk nodded, returning her attention partially to her laptop.

“You gonna be around for dinner?” Click here, move this to Tuesday, a cancellation for Thursday -the motions were second nature to her by now.

“Might not be back until later, depending on how mom’s doing. And what dinner is.” He finished with a raised brow as Hawk glanced up. Cheeky little bastard.

“I’m thinking some take-out? Maybe Thai, maybe Indian. I haven’t made up my mind. Want me to get your usual and stick it in the fridge?” Hawk offered, already knowing what his answer was when he smiled.

“You’re the best.”

“Oh, I know, but I don’t get tired of hearing it though.” J flicked a piece of debris that was on the island at Hawk, but chuckled nonetheless.

“Speaking of Nicky,” She started, but was interrupted by J groaning and pushing himself off the island.

“Not again,” He begged, hitting his forehead against the counter gently.

“No, I’m serious, J. You’re being safe, right? Teen pregnancy is no joke, and STI’s are even less funny. Both of them stick with you for life…in most cases.”

“Nicky isn’t pregnant and she doesn’t have an STI,”

“You never know, kid. Anything can happen even when you’re careful, but the odds are more staggering if you’re not. Nothing against Nicky, I like her a whole lot, but I’m protecting her against you too. It goes both ways. I’m not condoning what you little heathens get up to in your free time, but I also know I can't stop it, so there’s condoms in the hall closet, top shelf to the left. Take what you need, no questions asked. I just want you to be careful. If I raised one kid just for another to come rolling in after the first one grows up, I’m going to be pissed.”

“Well ahead of you on that.” Hawk had to bite her lips closed and squeeze her eyes shut when he let that slip. She held her hands up, shaking her head.

“You’re using them. That’s all that matters. No questions. I don’t need specifics” Hawk stood from her stool and walked over to J. “Now I need a shot of bleach to kill whatever brain cells just survived through that.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“You don’t gotta keep bringing this up,” She cupped his youthful cheeks in her hands, squishing them just slightly, making the last word slur.

“Yeah I do, so long as you're young and your frontal lobe hasn’t fully formed, I will bring this up every chance I can. You'll thank me later, believe me. You’re like my son, J. It kills me to see you getting older, but I trust you. You’re a good kid, you go to school and get good grades, and you’re smart” Hawk made a face, “…er than most other boys your age, so I’ll give you that, but you know you can come to me if you need anything, right? I know you know that, but do you understand what I am saying?” He nodded and Hawk kissed his forehead before ruffling his hair and freeing him to go sit back on her stool, but not before he took a playful swipe at her as she retreated. “Good. Do you need a ride?”

“Nah, I should be good on my bike.” He said as he fixed his hair.

“Alright, try not to stay out too late. It’s a school night.”

“Yes, mom,” Hawk fixed him with a look and he returned one sheepishly. J moved around the island to grab his backpack and wrap his arm around Hawk’s shoulders for a quick hug and a kiss on the top of her head. “I’ll try not to wake you up when I get back.”

“You better not be out that late, kid. Tell your mom I said to give me a call and please shoot me a text when you’re on your way back so I know you're aright.” He nodded and took off out the front door.

Hawk’s relationship with J was both complicated and simple. She grew up with Julia and the Cody brothers.Like a broken record, Smurf took her in at 13 when her own mother died and she had nowhere left to go. The tumultuous relationship Hawk had with her mother before she died was less than J currently had with Julia, and while Julia had her own set of problems, J still had his mother.

And he had Hawk.

Since J was two, he spent most of his days with her while Julia did what Julia did. Sweet Julia -a child of encouraged alcohol abuse by Smurf, grew into an adult with a crippling heroin addiction who had a baby she had no business having, but Hawk loved Julia as a sister so she made sure that baby was well cared for in any way she could.

At twenty one, struggling to keep her double life afloat, Hawk was contacted by a lawyer from North Carolina -her absent father wasn’t actually an absent father. Her mother kept her from him in any way she could, forged documents, and Hawk was none the wiser until she was met with a will from her now deceased father -along with a letter telling her how sorry he was about the way that things turned out with Hawk and her mother.

It turned out that he was very wealthy -he owned property along the east coast that he left to her, along with a hefty sum of $4.8 million in liquid cash after taxes along with some other assets. The how’s and the why’s of Hawk’s disconnection with him didn’t matter anymore. Both of her parents were long gone and her world kept spinning.

Hawk kept the real estate running on the east coast with the same property management her father had just to keep the money flowing in -occasionally making the trip out to check in on things. It was passive income that would keep her afloat should anything happen and that was a security she never had before.

With some of the money that made its way to Hawk’s bank account, she bought a house near the beach between Smurf’s place and Julia’s. It was a three bedroom on a hill that had a small infinity pool and a wrap around back porch that faced the ocean. The first sunset she witnessed in that house, which was empty minus an air mattress and a duffel bag of clothes, was something she would always remember.

Hawk didn’t go to college, and she barely graduated high school due to disinterest and the lovely upbringing she had -add on J and there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell to go even if she wanted to.

She was smart, charmingly so, but everything about a classroom setting made her skin crawl in the worst way. What she did have, though, was a passion for plants and so she leaned into it because she could now that finances weren't an issue.

Opening her own plant nursery wasn’t easy and it consumed every waking second that she wasn’t already giving to J, who had turned three at that point. It was tricky, but doable, and the next thing she knew her business was up, running, and flourishing. The clientele grew exponentially within that first year with weddings, funerals, and other events and within two years Hawk was a well known name in Oceanside with clients coming from all around Southern California.

Sometimes it felt like she was living someone else’s life because this was not the way hers was supposed to pan out. Not in the slightest.

Keeping Hawk’s life with the Cody's and her life with Julia and J completely separate was another level of hell on Earth for her in the beginning, especially when she had baby J most of the time. Julia made her swear up and down that no matter what, she wouldn’t speak to them about her and her son and it was a promise Hawk kept wholly. Anytime one of the brothers came into the shop or stopped by Hawk’s house while she had J, she simply said she was watching a friend’s kid. No further explanation. No questions asked. And so that’s who J was to them -Hawk’s friend’s kid, which wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either.

Hawk worked her way through email after email, put her staff schedule together for the next month, dealt with time off requests, and went through order sheets from her suppliers for the next hour when her phone rang on the island.

FSP flashed on the screen. She swiped to answer and put it on speaker.

“This is a collect call from Folsom State Prison on behalf of-“ “Andrew Cody” Pope’s voice interrupted the automated message before it continued. “Do you accept the charges to connect the call?”

“I accept.”

Please like, reblog & comment :)

#animal kingdom #pope Cody x reader #Andrew pope Cody x reader #pope Cody imagine #shawn hatosy #andrew pope cody #pope cody #well enough alone universe

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nashusglasses · 3 months ago

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3. snakes in the wild (m)

+ based off nsfw prompts: 18. “I don’t care if it’s wrong.” + 57. “I won’t stop until you pass out.”

note: thirsty thursday was going strong until i took the plot too seriously oops. thirsty friday it is :P these prompts are from this list. send me two prompts and a lads man for next week if u wanna!

note 2: uh oh. saw college AU zayne and caleb by @akiisks and my brain immediately rewired itself. if i say fratboy Caleb three times in front of my mirror will he appear in front of me? also, caleb is nawt a virgin in this story. i know there was some discourse around this on twt so i'm warning you now! SUMMARY.

“Can you stop treating this like I’m your teacher? And don’t call me sir.” You narrow your eyes down at him. “Then would you prefer master?”

or, fratboy!Caleb and a lesson on riding

PAIRING. caleb/reader GENRE. college AU/friends with benefits AU WARNINGS. penetrative sex, squirting, the awkwardness and insecurities of learning sex in general WORD COUNT. 2.9k

“Please don’t look at my dick like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen.”

You try to school your face into something more placid, but it can’t be helped. Every time his boxers come off you’re reminded that he’s hiding a third arm under his pants. He flicks the spot where your eyebrows are furrowed. “I bet you’re into that,” you goad.

“Into what?” Caleb adjusts where he sits at the top of his bed, teetering into what looks like the urge to hide. A habit borne from your intense staring, because it’s hard not to. You like making him nervous when you sit half-naked on his thighs.

“You know. Condescension. You ever seen that video where the girl jumps on the guy’s dick?”

He gawks at you. “Wha–no!”

“And it’s like–there’s a hole for his dick to come out of a piece of wood so that she’s literally jumping on it.”

Caleb pinches the bridge of his nose. “You need to stop talking before I go flaccid.”

The threat hangs empty. You don’t think he could be any harder with the pre-come leaking down to his bellybutton. You almost want to praise him for letting you bear witness to such a lewd sight, but you know every compliment you give him will go straight into feeding his ego.

“Prude,” you sneer instead. He looks like he’s about to insult you back, but you slide your shirt off as concession. He immediately goes for a fistful of your tit, and your throat swells with a grateful moan. “Mm. I’m ready for my lesson today, sir.”

“You–can you stop treating this like I’m your teacher? And don’t call me sir.”

You narrow your eyes down at him. “Then would you prefer master?”

Caleb looks like he’s about to cry. He pinches your nipple in retaliation till you whine. “Stop trying to psychoanalyze me and come over here.”

He doesn’t wait for your initiative, grabbing you with both hands by your ass to get you level with the warmth of his cock. You blush at how much you enjoy the visual: coating the entirety of his length with the slick he’d coaxed through the most brutal fingerbang he’d ever subjected you to five minutes ago. (It’s a testament to how far you’ve come in this relationship, because you’d cried the first time he’d gotten one finger inside you. One. Damn his thick knuckles.) It’s tempting to forgo lube, but Caleb’s a stickler for good condom etiquette, and you don’t want to spend the rest of the evening with an ice pack stuck to your mound.

Which reminds you:

“Will we ever do a creampie lesson?”

You feel Caleb’s dick twitch. “I am this close to sewing your mouth shut,” he croaks. You feign ignorance, grinding down just to hear him hiss through clenched teeth. “Oh. You’re so wet.”

You think you like this version of Caleb the most. Mouthy, a little desperate – like you’re the one commanding the spotlight and he’s following your every move. For a second you convince yourself the roles are reversed. The innocence of discovering hot pleasure in the girl sitting pretty on his cock, pleading with too-wet eyes to let him make her feel good.

But you know you’ll never have the upperhand, and that’s what gets you shivering with every drag of your hips. “Do you like it?” You’re timid in the question.

Caleb forces a deeper curve, bucking up to your downstroke and your clit snags into heat in the most delicious way. “More than you realize,” he confesses. “You’re hot like this.”

Something in you sings. You know you’d never come from grinding alone, but Caleb makes you want to try. The sounds he makes are enough to get your blood rushing fast.

“Haah–” You whine when you pick up speed to chase his pleasure, and he gives your ass a squeeze in thanks. “You r-really tried to tell me you’d go flaccid on me.”

He’s too breathless to respond to your jab. “Fuck. If you – ngh – keep going like this, I’m coming.”

In other words: lesson’s over. It’s tempting. Getting him fucked out first just to gloat about your god levels of stamina. But you came to his room today on a mission, and you refuse to let him tap out now.

You stop all movement and you almost groan from the loss. “Condom.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Caleb reaches over to his bedside stand, ripping open a pack. He juts his chin out to the bottle of lube. “Want more?”

“If you don’t want me bleeding out all over your sheets, then yes.”

You watch his ears turn red. Rolling a condom probably doesn’t rank that high on the list of sexiest moves, but damn if you aren’t mesmerized with the way Caleb fits it over his dick. “It’s not that big.”

“It’s not that big,” you mock. “This thing is a pole. God. Looking at it is making me sweat.”

“Why are you always so crass?” But he goes for the lube regardless, squeezing out the gel on his palm. He shivers when he fucks his tight fist. You almost sigh from the show, greedy for every sign of pleasure he’ll give you.

“I like watching you jerk off,” you say next.

Caleb sighs like he’s defeated. “Y-You’re such a pervert.”

“You like it.”

“I do.” He takes his sticky hand, dragging wet heat on your aching core to get you prepped. You’re spreading your knees before you even think about it. Anticipating the feel of his fingers inside, but he only teases with a shallow thrust. He rubs your clit in apology when you whimper. “C’mere, pretty.”

He beckons with his other hand, lifting up to meet you for a quick kiss. “You nervous?” He asks. There’s no bite to his tone, just a softness that bleeds into genuine concern.

“Maybe.” You clutch at his shoulders, anxiety melting into the numb feeling he’s massaging into you. “Ah… Just–don’t laugh if I get it wrong.”

Caleb rewards your honesty with another kiss. Swipes the hand playing with your clit on his bare thigh to clean the shine of lube off. “I don’t care if it’s wrong. Do what feels good to you.”

You don’t know what that’s supposed to entail, and that disconnect between your knowledge and his is what pisses you off the most. You almost wish porn could be a symbiotic thing, a literal watch and learn. Your thighs are already starting to burn. “Oh my god. What if I snap your dick in half?”

That gets a hard laugh out of him. “You said it yourself. It’s a pole. Poles don’t break that easily. And you’d know once I start screaming in pain.”

“Don’t say that.” It’s an awful thought – one you don’t dwell on because Caleb just laughs again, taking a hand you have on his shoulder to guide down to his dick like a silent invitation. You at least know this much: squeezing a fist around the head the way you know he likes, dragging a stroke down slowly.

His chest shrinks with a shaky exhale. “You’re killing me.”

Caleb always does this, you think. Letting you set the pace at the expense of his patience. Chivalry died and came back to life as the man shivering from you pumping his dick.

You don’t care to announce it. You shift on your knees, position the tip of his dick where you’re leaking. Dig your nails into his shoulder blades as you watch yourself try to sink down.

(Your cheeks grow hot, thinking back to the very first time Caleb tried to fit his dick inside you. You’d kept squeezing him out with every threat of a push, and he had to pin you down by your hips to stop you from squirming so much. “You can take me,” he’d whispered. “You’re my good girl, right?”)

You let that feeling wash over you now; a pull of reverence like somehow you’d sinned and he’d bring you salvation. You roll down till the stretch burns too much for you to comfortably pace yourself on.

Caleb suddenly claws at your hips, and you look up to see his head tossed back, groaning deep.

It’s dangerous, how downright erotic he looks. You hide the thrill racing down your spine with a quip you know he can barely hear from how hard he’s breathing. “You good there big boy?”

“Ne-ver better.” His voice cracks around the edges. “Yeah. Yeah. You good?”

“It’s–” you still struggle with the feeling, like your pussy is computing the pleasure of the angle just as slowly as your brain is– “okay.”

You think. It’s not bad. If anything, Caleb’s reaction is enough material for you to fantasize about for the next fifty years. He gathers his bearings quickly, though, twitchy with embarrassment, still gripping hard at your hips. (As if you’d ever laugh at such a show of vulnerability. You’re not that cruel.)

He says nothing. You rock into the gravity of his pelvis, hiss with every additional inch you bury into until you’re down to the hilt. “O-Oh,” you whimper. The ache blooms into something else now. Better. Heat that swells and swells into your ribs, and you realize you’ve never felt so full before.

Caleb hugs you close, kissing you in place of verbal praise. “Need my help now?”

You nod, stuck in the wrong-right headspace of feeling impaled, barely finding the will to hinge at your knees to ride him properly because you’re still so clueless. He does it for you with ease. Lifting your ass just to get that delicious upstroke, and when you come down his balls smack a lewd noise on your skin.

“Caleb,” you hiccup. “That’s–oh fuck.”

He’s red down to his chest. “S’okay?”

“Mhm–!”

It’s a bit easier to settle in the rhythm, finding a bounce in your own movement that makes Caleb’s hands deadweight. The only guidance is your shared pleasure, and you coax him down to his back with a push to his chest to test a better angle.

It works. Sort of. You choke with the heavy drag of your cunt squeezing him raw. “Oh, this–oh. This. Feels…”

“Good?” He asks. You can’t decide. You try again, tensing at your knees when a downstroke pinches too tight on your walls. “Lean into me. Take what you need.”

You keep up with a stilted rhythm, clenched fists over the beating of his heart. You try to match every pulse. Up, down, swiveling into the roiling feeling in your core, but it’s not enough.

He teases clammy hands up your navel to your breasts, squeezes in time with your next downstroke to steal your inhale. “Fuck–I’m–already out of breath,” you complain.

“You barely started.” At least he has the decency to look sympathetic. “Does it still feel okay though?”

“It does. I think.” The burn lingers, though it comes second to the way Caleb arches into you with every mini-stroke you offer on tired knees. You’d be happy without coming, you decide, if only to see him fucked out like this.

He blinks. “Think you can keep going?”

It’s almost hurtful, his doubt. But even you can’t deny you’re starting to quiver with frustration, all the bravado of finding purpose in your ability to fuck going straight out the window the longer you hover.

You watch him. Dilated eyes, lips chapped, shining forehead. Pulsing wet inside the deepest he can be. He won’t buck up for his pleasure, not unless you answer him truthfully.

“I want to,” you say weakly. God do you want to. You get the sudden and overwhelming urge to keep him here forever. “Fuck. I wish you could just – tell me what to do.”

Caleb shakes with quiet laughter. “I just want you to feel good.”

“That’s the thing. You keep saying that. I don’t – it feels good and then it doesn’t and it’s so – like – do I look sexy? Do I – feel good to you? For you?”

You’ll probably laugh about this later. His cock is lodged inside you and you’re asking him if he thinks you look good like you’re showing him a cute outfit for a date.

Caleb just pulls you down by the nape of your neck. Hovers his lips over yours when he whispers: “You’re right where I want you to be.”

Your core blossoms into a pure, needy ache when he jerks his hips up. Hard.

“Let’s end the lesson early then.” He kisses you, and you melt into the sweetness. “I’m proud. Try to keep up now, yeah?”

He’s done easing you into it. A part of you was done a while ago, you think.

“Lesson number two,” he grunts. “Just let me make you feel good.”

“Oh–Caleb–ngh–!”

You yelp with the borderline carnal pace he sets, hands barely finding leverage on his sweating chest. All that stored energy from his patience releasing with every wet thrust he bucks through. Your thighs go numb.

One hand grips your ass, the other seizing the roots of your hair to keep your eyes on him. He grunts: “You like when I fuck you hard?”

You’d nod if his fist wasn’t so tight on your head. “Uh–uh huh,” you breathe, trying hard to angle your ass back in a way that feels nice. There’s no guarantee of an orgasm like this but the sound of such thorough fucking has your head already clouding into a faux-high.

“I like it too baby. Love the way you feel on my cock.”

Your insides squeeze at the confession. There. You steel your knees, the tip of his dick finally hitting a spot you can grind into and you urge with wet eyes, “Keep talking.”

“Yeah? Fuck. You just squeezed me so hard. You’re so good for me, baby. So wet. So hot. You’re so perfect for me, you did such a good job. Let me take care of you now.”

Your clit pulses with every dirty word, and you’re near-desperate to blackout with your fingers rubbing heat into it. It’s not enough. You sob. “I wanna–ugh–”

“Hm? What does my pretty girl want?”

You don’t know how he can look so calm when you’re being fucked fifty ways to hell. You shake your head till he lets up on his hold, and with the extra space for movement, you immediately shoot a hand down to where your cunt weeps. “Shit,” he says. “You wanna come?”

“Please–”

If you gloat about stamina, Caleb has drive. You feel him shift in his heels, digging into the mattress for the extra leverage he can drill up inside you’re dripping. “There you go,” he moans, watching your fingers slip on your clit and you whine with the attention.

“Oh god,” you say through clenched teeth. Your brain relaxes into that floaty state indicative of a mind-numbing fuck, like it knows you’re well on your way to nirvana if you just give in already. Caleb’s good at that. Rendering your body so useless all you can do is take what he gives you.

“I won’t stop till you pass out,” he threatens, nails digging moons into your ass. You sob at the thought. “You want that? Fuck you so good all you can do is take it. Like. A. Good. Girl.”

There’s nothing for you to do. Your fingers numb to the motion of stroking your clit till you’re wailing, letting every word soothe your muscles into lax pleasure. “C-Close,” you squeal.

You feel Caleb’s abs tense under your belly, chin tilting up to swallow your groaning. He kisses you like he’s parched. And you don’t ask, but somehow he already knows you’re waiting for his command.

“Come on, baby. I’ll take you there. You’re so pretty when you sound like that,” he whispers, breath stilting into exhaustion. “Can you show me how you come for me?”

Your body answers for you. The heat curls out from your gut at such frightening speed you almost teeter off out of his arms, burying your forehead into his shoulder as you come hard, clit taut against your spasming fingers.

You blank into white-hot pleasure, throat dry from your crying, and something–something is wet and sticky against your mound. You don’t know. You think Caleb’s coming too, stuttering with heavy strokes and he holds you so tightly you stop breathing for a second.

Your hearts race in tandem. You’re sweating in every awkward crease of your body, and you begin the feat of pulling off from his softening dick. “Ugh,” you groan, core fighting with a squeeze to keep him in, “stupid fucking fat dick, ow.”

You collapse onto your side. Caleb is just as dead to the world, arms akimbo. “So mean,” he breathes. “What it’d ever do to you.”

“Fuck me till I squirted, apparently.”

You clench, seeing his abs practically shine. He tries to laugh, but it comes out like a sad wheeze. “Good job. A plus plus.”

“Man.” You don’t know how you’re even talking. It’s taking every bit of your consciousness to converse right now. “You have to tell me who taught you how to talk like that.”

It takes a while for Caleb to say anything. The air settles with your breaths trying to catch a calmer tempo.

“Well.” When you open your eyes to look at him, he’s staring blankly at the ceiling. “You know I don’t say stuff I don’t mean.”

He doesn’t explain any further. You don’t ask.

(You never do.)

#caleb x reader #caleb x you #caleb x mc #lads x you #lads x reader #lads smut #love and deepspace #lads #lads caleb #caleb smut #nashusglasses fic

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merakiui · 11 months ago

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angel/angler.

yandere!azul ashengrotto x (female) reader cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, nsfw, stalking, non-con, non-consensual photography, chikan/groping (train molestation), obsession, kidnapping/captivity, drugging, violence, blood, death (or is it??), azul's insecurities and low self-esteem, azul’s not-so-subtle breeding kink, implied disordered eating, reader's height isn't described, but it's written that azul is taller note - to obsess is to hunger like an angler from the deep sea. living his entire life in pitch-black solitude, entranced by an angel's halo; his only purpose is to find the body that will become his lifeline and, one day, his cemetery.

entry 1: 18 April, 20XX.

For anonymity’s sake, I’ve chosen to write using a vague pronoun. Additionally, this diary will be a record of my thoughts so that I can keep my mind and senses intact. In my youth, I was prone to terrible fits of self-destructive rage, and as a result they suggested I write my feelings down to prevent any outbursts. I’m not very physical towards others. Rather, it was the harm I posed to myself that fostered concern.

But this space isn’t for my own views on myself. It’s about someone else.

I have a confession: I’ve fallen in love with you from the train, and I’ve been in love with you for the four months I’ve come to know you.

You wear perfectly pressed suits, heels of a modest height, tights, and pencil skirts that cut just at your knees. I want to touch you, but if I do you might stop wearing skirts altogether and then I’ll never see your legs again. I suppose trousers aren’t so unattractive. They’re appealing in their own right. Everything looks good on you, though. (Nothing would look even better.)

You work in an office building. I’m not sure which floor, but I’ll know soon enough. I wanted to follow you inside, but there’s a security guard in the lobby. He always greets you, and you always smile and chat with him. You’re a kind person, so I let this pass without incident. But I can’t lie to these pages and say it’s not troublesome when I watch his gaze linger longer than it needs to.

I’d kill him, but then they’d employ a new guard and you’d make friends with him because you’re so kind. I don’t admire kind people. Rather, I find kindness to be a double-edged blade (Is that the correct phrasing? It’s different in my hometown. We say kindness is like pufferfish—harmless until it’s provoked and then it becomes poisonous). It’s not that I look down on kind people. I just think you shouldn’t be so quick to befriend the world in its entirety.

After plenty of observation, I’ve learned that you often leave your building to get lunch by yourself. This is what you’ve eaten in the week:

Monday - A salad at a popular café. Iced tea because it was a sunny day. A tiny cheesecake for dessert. It was blueberry.

Tuesday - A wrap of some kind. Chicken? Or was it vegetarian? Sweet potato fries. Water.

Wednesday - You didn’t leave your building. Were you at work today?

Thursday - Another salad. Water. Same café. No tiny cheesecake.

Friday - You went to lunch with that guard. I only remember my irritation and so I’m afraid I can’t make note of your meal for today. He looks at you like an obsessed puppy waiting for its owner to give it attention. I want to pluck his eyes from his sockets so he’ll never look at you in that way again.

You lead a healthy lifestyle, but I can’t help wondering if you’re eating well. Did someone say something about your figure? I’ll eviscerate them for you and then they can see how much it hurts when unnecessary scrutiny is thrown around.

It’s quite late. I want to sleep, but thinking about you has my body wide-awake. I wonder if your mouth tastes like the moonlight shining in through my window. I wonder if your body is soft like mine… Of course it is. A silly, irrational thought. You’re much warmer than me. This is just a theory. I’ve yet to feel and confirm for myself. I will in the foreseeable future.

Before we part ways, I want you to know that I’m not very good at cooking. I’ve picked up a few books and hope to learn. I’m going to practice so that I can feed you better meals one day. Salads are the worst. Fried chicken is the true meal of heaven. I’m certain you would share this sentiment.

If I were to be condemned to a last meal like those serial killers on death row, I’d ask for fried chicken. Knowing you, you’re too good to kill anyone. In this hypothetical, supposing you’re a heinous criminal, your last meal would be something healthy. Do you even like those salads, or are you forcing yourself because you must? I understand calorie-counting well enough, but if there’s one thing to enjoy in life it should be food.

I suppose that makes me a hypocrite. I ought to take my own advice.

Oh. I’m starting to grip my pen with more force and the lines have become shaky. I usually break my writing utensils if my focus strays. I’ll stop here for today. Ink is a pain to clean.

AA.

The morning rush is your greatest enemy.

Jack Howl, the lobby’s security, has suggested giving you a ride on numerous occasions. “It’s part of the reason I got my license,” he explained once, “so that I can protect those who work in this building from the rush. Not like you have to accept my offer. It’s just…convenient for both of us. Again, I don’t care what you do.”

(He does. You see through his gruff surface.)

According to him, the morning and night rushes bring out the worst kinds of characters.

But isn’t that everywhere? you think as you peer out the window, watching the city come into clarity.

Like every morning, the train car is more crowded than a sardine tin. You’re used to being pressed up against other commuters, pinned to the window or between people. You’re flattered to know someone’s concerned, but nothing has happened yet. And why would it? It’s bright outside. No one would dare do something during the day. At least, not in a crowded area where anyone could see and hear.

I wonder what I should have for dinner. I still need to go shopping. My fridge is way too empty, you think, sighing. And I need to follow up with that one author. They’ve yet to get back to me about my edits. Perhaps we should meet in the office instead of through video call… And I also need to finalize that other style sheet after the last round of editing. And then another conference… There was something else. Was I scheduled to have lunch with an author? Or was that next week? I should check before—

The train shudders as it slides into the station. Someone brushes against you from behind. Their hand is pressed against the window just near your head. They steady themselves, their body so close to yours you can hear their staggered breathing.

“Ah. S-Sorry…”

It’s next week, right? I really should check once I get to my stop. This is going to eat me alive all day.

“Mhm,” you hum, waving dismissively.

The stranger standing behind you peels his hand away from the window. A sweaty palm print is left in its wake.

“We will be approaching the next stop shortly.”

Just one more and you’ll be getting off.

A pair of bright eyes blinks back at you in the reflection, watching the city just as you are.

entry 5: 22 April, 20XX.

I’m not a social person by any means. If I can avoid crowds, I usually do. An introvert’s paradise is best spent in the comfort of their own room, after all. But if you prefer outdoor dates I can become extroverted for your sake. There are lots of things I’m willing to do for your sake.

Which is why I’ve forced myself to tolerate the train. I loathe it. It’s cramped and uncomfortable. Most days I’m not even near you, and so all I can do is stare longingly from afar. I content myself with imaginary scenarios like in the books you edit. I’ve mentioned it sparsely in this diary, but you’re a brilliant editor. Most of the novels you work on aren’t exactly my taste, but there’s something to appreciate about them. Reading through them knowing your very eyes pored over these pages dozens of times before publication… I admire your work. Immense time and effort goes into all professions, especially ones that involve meticulous touches.

With this discussion of careers, you might wonder what I do for a living. I manage my own restaurant chain off-site. It must be shocking news for you to realize: your secret admirer is actually quite successful.

If I’m not able to provide an adequate life—no, more than that. If I cannot drown you in all of life’s luxuries, I should sooner throw myself on the beach and let this soft, wriggling body of mine dry out than settle for the barest of minimums. You deserve only the finest.

In fact, I have a room in my home dedicated to you. A private office in which you can write and edit in peace. It’s furnished with everything you’d ever need. I hope to gift it to you one day.

Remote work is very relaxing. (You’ll know this once you try it here.) When you’re boss, you work your own schedule. That’s why I’m able to fit our secret meetings into my weekly itinerary.

Today’s meeting was quite fortuitous. I felt like I’d won the lottery. Mostly because I was finally given the opportunity to be close to you. So close, in fact, that you didn’t even notice when I slid my phone under your skirt to take a few photos. Your undergarments are unexpectedly plain. Truthfully, I’m somewhat disappointed. I was hoping to learn your lingerie preferences. At the very least, I know your tights are sheer enough to show me the color of your panties.

I consider myself a connoisseur of many things, and I’ve done enough interior decorating in my time to become well-accustomed to color palettes. A fool would say your panties are red, but they’re actually maroon.

That same fool wouldn’t take another breath after glimpsing such a private side of you.

If you must know, my dear, I am excessively avaricious when it comes to the things I like. I have always been this way. I am a collector. A hoarder of secrets. I refuse to let others touch or take the things that belong to me, especially when they are wholly undeserving…

I’ve broken another pen. Thankfully, the mess wasn’t so extreme. Not-so-thankfully, I’ve lost my train of thought.

Ah. Right. Trains.

Today I rode the train, and I was standing right behind you. You were looking out the window, lost in your thoughts, and so you didn’t notice me. You must have seen my reflection, but I wear a mask and a hooded sweatshirt when I go outside. Perhaps it’s a touch embarrassing to admit, but I am very self-conscious of the way I look. Firstly, my eyes are too tired. I’ve read that many people are not fond of eyes with dark circles under them. Secondly, my face is average—unworthy of your love by my lofty standards. My hair never cooperates. My smiles never fit properly. My skin is too pale. My eyes are too blue and my pupils are abnormal. My weight is just a few kilograms above the average. I will work hard to bring it back down for your sake and for my own so that it won’t show. I prefer a slim waist, so I must stomach all manner of healthy foods for the weekend. What a pity… Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could eat whatever you wanted without having to worry about caloric intake and numbers on a scale?

That aside, there are times in which my glasses sit crooked on my face and it’s a horrifying thought to imagine I walk around looking like that! As if I’ve rolled right out of bed with no regard for my appearance whatsoever!

Perhaps the both of us share one similarity. We are vain creatures who care too much about how we present ourselves to others.

Thus, I conceal myself so that you won’t judge me harshly should you look upon me. Not like you’d do that. You were so immersed in your head that you hardly paid any attention to your surroundings. You should be more careful. What if something were to happen and I wasn’t there to protect you?

The train stuttered to a halt at the first stop, and some fool bumped into me. I should thank them because I got to brush against you. You gasped softly. I watched your breath fog the window. I placed my hand just above your head and apologized softly, and you weren’t bothered in the slightest. Oh, how I envy your carefree nature.

As a result of that stranger’s mishap, I’ve learned something new. You wear perfume. Even with my mask, I could smell it. Strong and flowery, overwhelmingly sweet. Maybe you prefer these scents? I’m more partial to mature scents, but I admit there’s a certain charm to the scents you wear. I wish I knew the exact brand. There are dozens of perfumes with the same notes as the ones I picked up, but none can compare to the one you use. I want to be able to hold the bottle knowing it’s your favorite.

I’ve prattled enough. With the length of my entries, you’d assume I was this chatty beyond the page. I’m not. I only say as much as I think is necessary.

Once again, I’m having trouble falling asleep. I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m looking through the photos I snapped and the outline of your lips against your panties is lovely. I’m sure you’re just as soft and sweet inside as you are on the outside. If only I could experience it right now. My hand can’t replicate the softness or the wetness or the way you’ll probably clamp down when we finally make love.

I can only fantasize for now. What a pain.

AA.

“It’s going to rain today,” Jack tells you the minute you step through the lift doors into the lobby. He stands straight like a soldier, his shoulders squared and features set into something serious.

“Looks like it, huh?” You glance at the darkening sky outside, slinging your bag over your shoulder. “Hopefully it rains after I get home. I didn’t bring an umbrella.”

“I’ll drive you.” He falls into step beside you. “It’s dark out and the station is—”

“It’s only five minutes away. I’ll be fine. I take this way all the time.”

Jack’s lip twitches into a grim frown. The beginnings of a sharp, pearly-white canine flashes at you as his mouth curls. “Fine,” he concedes with a huff. Awkwardly, he scratches the back of his neck and looks elsewhere. “Do what you want. I’m not forcing you or anything.”

You smile at him. “You’re very considerate, Jack. I appreciate the concern.”

He’s like a puppy. It’s really sweet.

“W-Wha—who said anything about concern?” His face is growing warmer by the second, thawing his external ice.

“I’ll be okay. It’s not even that dark out either.”

“Still…” He sighs and cards his hand through his hair. “You haven’t noticed anything weird lately, have you?”

“Anything weird?” You furrow your brows, suddenly confused.

“On your way home. Nothing out of the ordinary? It’s the same every day?”

“Mostly, yeah. Why? Did something happen?”

“No. Just wondering…” Jack looks past you then, searching for something you can’t seem to see. “You sure you don’t want a ride? I can walk you to the station. Protect you if anything or anyone—”

You force yourself to laugh. “Come on. You’re trying to scare me on purpose. This is because I told you I’m editing a horror novel, isn’t it?”

Jack doesn’t share in your humor. Instead, his frown tightens on his face.

“While I’m grateful you want to help, I really don’t want to put that on you. It’s not your job to chauffeur me around. I’d feel bad if I made you do that. So thank you, but I’ll have to decline.”

You turn swiftly on your heel before he can protest, striding out the door into the gloomy night.

When is it going to be summer? It’s way too chilly.

You burrow into your jacket as you beeline for the station. A brisk breeze blows through busy city streets. Even though there are still people out and about, it feels strangely desolate.

Jack’s heart was in the right place, but did he really have to phrase it like that?

You wrap your arms around yourself and hurry along. Your steps are in time with your pounding heart. A cold sweat beads along your forehead.

Relax. It’s nothing to get worked up over. I’m fine.

Crunch.

You whirl around, clutching your bag between your arms. There’s no one in sight. The city seems eerily quiet tonight.

Stop scaring yourself. Nothing’s there.

No, it’s not something that could make that sound—a noise akin to a footstep. That belongs to someone.

Is someone following you?

You aren’t going to wait around and find out. Now you’re jogging the rest of the way, your heels clicking against the pavement. Your breath comes in shaky heaves, and by the time you finally step into the station’s blinding fluorescents, adrenaline still vibrating through your veins, you notice the time.

My train—it’s already here! Thank you. Oh, thank you so much!

You rush through the station in a flurry, and the relief is tangible once you’re safe and sound inside the train car. You squirm through the throng of late-night commuters towards the window.

“Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me,” you murmur as you navigate the crowded space.

You make it to the window just as the doors slide shut. Moments later, the train squeaks into motion.

I worked up such a sweat. I can’t believe I got so frazzled over something as small as a snapped twig…or whatever that was. It wasn’t a footstep. And if it was, it was probably my own.

You shake your head at your reflection.

Look at me, losing my mind all because I let someone’s words get to my head.

The stranger standing behind you sighs alongside you. You’re about to turn around, but it’s their hands on your waist that stop you. Your blood freezes. Your spine goes rigid.

“Excuse me? Um… C-Can I help you?”

You gasp, horrified, as the hands creep higher until they’re wrapped around your chest. The stranger squeezes almost curiously. Their breath catches on an eager hitch. You peer helplessly at the window. Two blue eyes blink back.

“Wait… Hold on—”

“It’s okay.” A man’s voice. Sweet and silky-smooth. A reassuring whisper. Only you can hear it with this invasively close proximity. It might as well be a drop in the ocean that is the rickety din of the train on the rails. You reach to grab his arms, hoping to pry him off. “I’m not going to hurt you. As long as you’re quiet…”

“No, you can’t. Please, sir. S-Stop… Don’t touch there.” Your fingers curl around his wrists. You squirm against him, your brain blanking.

This can’t be happening… There’s just no way…

Something stiff prods at your ass from behind. You yelp softly when he rubs himself against you. You try to catch sight of his features when you crane your neck, but all you get is a faceful of a dark hoodie. He’s tall enough to block you from the other passengers, his body caging yours against the window. One hand slides away from your chest to slip under your skirt. He gropes at your inner thigh; his fingers draw dangerously close to private territory.

“Sir—”

He inhales a dreamy breath. “Perfect,” he babbles, his words muffled by his mask. “So perfect. Warm… And soft. Just as I thought.”

There’s nowhere for you to run. Nowhere to hide. You’re trapped here with this fiend until you get off at your stop.

“We will be approaching the stop shortly,” the woman on the intercom says, but it doesn’t give you the relief you’re after.

Three more stops and then you’ll be at yours. Three more. Three. Your stop might as well be years away.

Two fingers trace the outline of your pussy through your panties. You’re grateful you’re wearing tights.

His breathing is heavy. He’s mumbling filth in your ear. You hardly register it over the static in your brain.

Gross. So gross. Stop it. Please stop. I don’t want this.

A whine bubbles low in your throat when he presses down against your clit. He caresses you through the fabric of your panties. You slump against the window with your palms on the glass. Your heart is in your throat. You feel sick and dizzy. It’s too hot in here. Everything is spinning. Your heart is picking up its pace. Your hands are starting to shake.

And there’s nowhere to go. No amount of begging will stop him. He’s all over you, pressed impossibly close—so close you think he’s trying to fuse his body to yours, becoming one mutual unit.

You want to scream, but you can’t find your voice. You can’t do anything. You can’t even think.

“Don’t be scared,” he murmurs, twining his fingers around your trembling ones. “It feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Mmh, no… No—stop. P-Please, sir, please stop.” You shudder against him, and a choked, broken sob rattles through your ribs.

He chuckles and squeezes your hand. His other circles your tender, sensitive clit, and the contact elicits a whimper from you. “Even though you’re making the cutest sounds? Aah, I wanna be inside you so badly… I’m sure it’s even softer there.”

You bite down on your bottom lip so hard that your teeth pierce the skin. A thin ribbon of blood dribbles down your chin. You refuse to give him that satisfaction. Even though your attempt to snuff your voice is successful, your body doesn’t seem to agree. It shakes in fear and arousal. When he presses against your panties next, he feels the growing damp spot.

That’s just a natural reaction, right? I’m not actually aroused by this. There’s no way!

Just when you think he might pursue further, he pulls back. His hips are still flush to your ass. You can feel his cock straining against the fabric. It’s gross and demoralizing. You’re nothing but a doll for him to get off to. Less than a person.

The train glides to a halt and the doors open. People exit and enter in a busy fashion. You stare out the window at your blurred surroundings.

When the train eases back into motion, you realize tears are welling in your eyes. They don’t fall. Not yet.

It isn’t until you get off at your stop, sprint the rest of the way home, hurry up into your apartment, and lock the door that the horror of it all finally catches up to you. You collapse to your knees and wail like you’ve just lost something precious—something you’ll never be able to get back.

You’ve never felt more dirty before.

entry 36: 4 May, 20XX.

I did it. I finally did it.

My hand is shaking; I’m so happy. No, I’m more than happy. I’m absolutely overjoyed!

You don’t know this about me yet, but I’m terribly envious. I suppose that’s why I could muster the confidence to touch you and hold you… Your body is so soft against mine. Every inch of you is beautiful. I wish I could have felt beneath your shirt, lifted your bra to see your bare breasts in the window’s reflection. This is quite the shameless admission. Even I, despite admiring you for so long, am loath to admit it.

You mesmerize me. I’m already flustered just thinking about the way your hand fit in mine when I held it… And you were aroused! I was so close to such a precious area, and you were wet for me and only me. I feel so overwhelmed. It’s a dream come true. You’re such an angel. My angel.

My dear, darling angel, I’m sorry for startling you. That was the only way, you see, and certain circumstances led me to that point. You must understand.

To be unfiltered about it, it was annoying seeing that security guard pester you. I had the strongest urge to kill him, but that’s not something you can do on a whim. Murder is like running a business, in a way. One misstep, a bad investment or a sliver of evidence left behind, and it might spell the end.

That’s besides the point. It’s hardly worth the time.

Regrettably, while on the train into the city, I noticed you were wearing trousers today. I was right. Last night was a once-in-a-lifetime event. A pity. Your legs in those sheer tights is a vision to behold. Luckily, I have enough pictures to satisfy the craving to see you in them. When you live with me, I’ll buy plenty of tights for you to wear around the house. That way you won’t have to worry if I rip them.

That aside, you’ve started looking over your shoulder more. You talked to that security guard longer than you normally do. It’s irritating. Quite frankly, it pisses me off.

I don’t want to be childish. I understand you’re stressed and nervous. Anyone would be. That’s normal. But I’m not going to hurt you. I even told you those exact words! I’m certain you would have calmed down if you could see my face. Unfortunately, I’m not very blessed in that department. I assure you my personality is far prettier…despite the ugly truths I’ve penned here.

But then those don’t matter when it comes to love. Even in love, couples are supposed to recognize and accept each other’s flaws. So it’s fine if I’m an ugly person. It’s fine if I’m a devil or something grotesque from the deepest trench in the sea. At least, in spite of such darkness, your halo will continue to light the way and I will always be lured in by your luminosity.

I can’t do much of anything right now and that has led me to feel increasingly itchy. I want to feel you again. Smell you. Touch you. I’d like to taste you next time. Part your legs or tear your skirt off and indulge in the space you keep hidden from me. I want to sink into your depths and know the shape of you just as you twist yourself to take the shape of me.

It’s just not enough. I desire more of you.

AA.

entry 40: 8 May, 20XX.

It’s been a few days. You haven’t taken the train since. Now you’re driven to and from work by that pest. I was overcome with such frustration yesterday that I slammed my hands down upon my desk and fractured my wrist. For the time being, until my wrist heals, I must wear this unsightly stabilizer-brace-thing and write carefully with my non-dominant hand. I like to consider myself ambidextrous, if only because it’s a talent I’m sure will impress you, as you seem to surround yourself with successful, talented people, but I must admit my lettering is rather…subpar.

It’s not as neat as I hoped it would be. Something to practice while my wrist heals, I suppose.

There’s only so much strain I can take, my angel. Are you really so afraid of me that you’ve chosen to rely on someone else to protect you? If it was funny, I’d laugh. But it’s not. It’s annoying. Must I chain you up by the throat so that you won’t run away? Must I cuff our wrists together so that neither of us can part ways? What must I do to ensure you’ll never leave me?

Every day I spend in solitude, you grow closer to everyone but me. It’s infuriating.

However, there are always silvers of hope to be found and exploited in misfortune. As a businessman, I know this well enough.

I can plan around this. I’ve taken a few photos of your house at every angle. It’s important to think ahead when making a calculated risk.

When you go to kidnap the love of your life, you must dress appropriately, no? Now should I wear a formal suit or something casual?

I have some time and plenty to look forward to.

AA.

Like always, early as usual, Jack is waiting for you below your apartment. You see his car from the window and light up at once.

It’s been two months since the incident on the train. Jack insisted you go to the police when you confided in him a week after the fact. But what could they do? A story isn’t evidence. Evidence is evidence. So to combat that, you’ve avoided public transport altogether. Jack drives you to and from work and anywhere else you need to go. You never knew him very well before this mess, and you regret not starting a friendship sooner. He’s everything you need right now: a friend, a listener, and someone you can trust and rely on.

Like always, he unlocks the door so you can put your things in the back. “It’s my turn to treat for lunch today, so let’s go somewhere you like.”

You shut the door and open the passenger side, sliding in seamlessly.

“There’s no need for that.”

Your heart skips. Your breath stumbles in your lungs. Your body tenses.

You finally look at the driver.

He’s wearing what appears to be an expensive collared shirt with a tie, but the top half is covered by the soft hoodie he’s thrown on over it. He has a mask like before, but there’s no denying his eyes. Bright and blue, deep and deceptive like the ocean, they blink back at you.

The door locks with a click.

You throw yourself at it in a useless effort to escape. The masked stranger seizes your wrist. You scream.

“There’s no need to be afraid. I-It’s only me! I won’t hurt you.” He tugs his mask down to his chin so that you can see the wobbly smile on his face. “Please don’t be scared…”

“Let go of me, you pervert!” You rip your arm free and reach for the door once more. “What the hell are you doing here?! W-Where’s Jack? Why are you—”

You choke around the rest of your words when he wraps his arms around you and yanks you over the seat towards him. You kick out like a deranged animal, breathing heavy and frantic, your eyes darting to and fro. The stranger manages to manhandle you into a chokehold despite the struggle. With his arm wrapped around your neck, he grabs a plastic water bottle with his free hand. Clumsily, he unscrews the cap and presses the lip of the bottle to your mouth.

“I’m sorry for being so rough, but I need you to drink this. Can you do that for me? Drink all of it.” As he says this, he tips the bottle and the strange liquid fills your mouth. You fight against his hold, doing everything you can to resist. He tightens his grip on you, dragging your body closer to his. “Swallow it, or I’ll slit your throat.”

Against your will, very shakily, you gulp down the solution. It tastes bitter and vile like medicine. A little salty.

“I didn’t want to frighten you, my angel, but this is the only way you’ll listen.” He swipes the tear threatening to spill from your eye. “You don’t have to cry. I’ll take you home and keep you safe. Just drink the rest of this and take a nap until we get there. That’s it. You’re almost done. I know it’s disgusting, but you have to drink it all, my love.”

“Why…” you sputter, coughing. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why?” He blinks at you as if the answer is obvious. “Because I love you.”

You can’t understand the logic there. You don’t want to.

Slumping against the seat, boneless and disturbed, you tremble when he leans over to buckle you in. And you continue to do so until you’re pulled into sleep.

Two blue eyes follow you in your dreams, sticking to your body like old gum under a school desk. In sleep, you feel his hands on you—clinging and cloying like tentacles and the stench of brine, all-enveloping.

entry 179: 24 September, 20XX.

Summer is winding to a close. The last few vestiges of warmth are slipping away. Today’s weather was crisp. Autumn is approaching.

It’s been a difficult few months. I’ve catalogued my process in the time you’ve spent with me, locked away in our bedroom. I must keep you chained to the bed for the time being. It’s long enough to lead into the bathroom. Until I can trust you, this is the arrangement at present.

They’re still searching for you, albeit not as frantically and frequently. I hope they assume you’ve met some grisly end so that I can finally shelve that anxiety and move on with my life. While I’m relieved it wasn’t as messy as I thought it’d be, I’m just a touch disheartened. I would have loved to watch the light fade from that guard’s eyes.

But that just wasn’t feasible or smart. Besides, what else am I to use my current fortune for, if not the props needed for that day? You call it kidnapping, and while that term is technically true I prefer something sweeter. A reunion of sorts.

There’s nothing of note to discuss. You haven’t accepted your new home or me yet, so I will continue to wait. I can be patient. I must be if this relationship is going to work (and it will).

I don’t particularly believe in soulmates. Rather, I find the concept to be foolish. Fate does not dictate an entire life. It is the decisions you make along the way that shape your paths. Just like in my favorite board game. I’d like to play it with you. Although I must admit I already know how our life goes. I have a few routes in mind.

You look at me with such scalding contempt when I imply we ought to start a family, and even though I’ve been victim to that look so many times it doesn’t burn any less. You just can’t see how good this is for you yet.

What else are we to do with our time if not use it to fill quiet halls with the pitter-patter of tiny feet? I have a few names in mind, but for now we’ll take it one day at a time. I’m a patient man despite my temper.

AA.

entry 257: 11 December, 20XX.

Exciting news! Though it may seem small, we’ve reached an understanding. Or so I suspect. You’re not so averse to me anymore. In fact, we take baths together, eat meals together, watch TV together, play board games together… There are so many things we do together as a couple and so, despite the encroaching winter frost, my days have become warmer! Just last night you allowed me to sleep beside you on our bed, and I held you close and you kissed me and I felt like the luckiest man alive.

Finally! Genuine progress!

I won’t delude myself and say that you may finally love me in the way I love you, but a start is a start. I admit I couldn’t help myself. I returned your kiss tenfold, all over your face, down the column of your throat to your collarbone. I was gentle and careful. I didn’t rush.

I like to play experienced in all fields, but even I can’t act perfectly. How should I describe our first time without all of the shameless vulgarity? Perhaps it doesn’t matter. Sex is sex no matter how you try to embellish it. Filthy and imperfect, sweaty and sticky, more effort and exercise than I realized.

You pulled me in close, pursued my mouth with the same want in mine, and it was more cathartic than anything I’ve ever known. Oh, to be kissed by the love of your life! I wasn’t aware such joy existed.

You palmed me through my pajamas and told me you wanted a family—that the idea of raising a little one was perfectly charming. I admit it’s an alluring thought I’ve had long before you lived with me. I’ve always thought you would look very enchanting while pregnant. I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands to myself. Even though it isn’t official yet, it doesn’t hurt to call myself your husband. In my mind and heart, we’re married. It may not seem so to you yet, but it will be.

Back to the matter at hand. Hearing that you wanted a child with me made me happy. I can’t remember if I cried. I must have because you pulled me in close and you, lying beneath me, wiped at my face and told me you wanted me to give you a child. And who am I if not the most doting, most benevolent husband? I’d do anything for you.

This must be what a predator feels when they tear into prey: a rapture so absolute and all-consuming that it covers their brain like a cotton shroud and renders every other action a hazy instinct.

It was a blur even though I was sure I moved slowly. Clothes weren’t exactly shucked. They were in the way and we had a singular goal, far too focused to remove them completely. Thus, they were pulled up, down, to the side, in whichever way provided easiest access. I closed my hands around your breasts and they feel so much softer without the obstruction of clothes.

Perhaps, rather than humans, we’re just anglerfish. Hungry for each other, using the other, a voracious relationship full of mutual benefits. If I could, I’d love to live inside you. I want nothing more than to press myself close enough to feel your heart beat alongside mine. To feel rushing blood. To turn myself inside-out just to satisfy you. Give you every little thing I can offer—brain and body—and we’d cleave through sunless waters as one, together forever.

The word ‘love’ is not large enough to truly encapsulate all that I feel for you.

My forehead pressed to yours. You kissed me once. I felt sloppy. I was sloppy. Inexperienced. We both are. Your hand wrapped around me. I told you it was okay, to do it at your own pace, to tell me if it hurts. But you kissed my every anxiety away, and in just a few strokes we were connected. Perhaps I died then and I’m still dead now.

Maybe I’m writing this from the moon or the deep, dark sea. Maybe all of this is just a long dream and I’m not even human. Maybe I’m the anglerfish stuck to your side, latched on with my sharp teeth, our lives forever intertwined. You taste of fruit and blood and every beautifully painful thing in this world.

For the first time in the many months we’ve lived together, you called me by my name. You gasped it as you curled your legs around my waist and clung to my chest, your arms draped over my neck, nails in my back. You chanted it like a song. I must have done the same with yours.

However, no amount of carnal euphoria can change the fact that I still have my reservations about unchaining you.

A deliberation for another day. It’s time to cook dinner. I’ve improved lots in the time we’ve known each other. You help around the kitchen as well. Harmless things like stirring batter or mixing a salad. I can’t trust you with actual food prep for reasons I’m sure are obvious and understandable. I try to create balanced meal plans. Now that I’m no longer eating alone and surviving off of misery, I want to show you that I’m both a great chef and a conscientious eater.

AA.

You watch the seasons shift outside the bedroom window and there’s nothing you can do.

You live life chained like a prisoner and there’s nothing you can do.

You eat off paper plates with the same utensils made for toddlers and there’s nothing you can do.

You let the same man whose touch was once so covetous pet you all over with his hands and mouth and there’s nothing you can do.

You’re stuck here forever and there’s nothing you can do.

There are highs higher than the clouds and then there are lows lower than the sea. You oscillate between these temperaments, a body thrown around on rocky waves. How you’ve yet to sink and drown for good, you’re not sure.

Today’s low has brought Azul to his knees. You stand over him, gripping the knife in a shaky hold. Chopped vegetables scatter in a rainbow on the floor. He had been chopping them so methodically, so wrapped up in pleasant conversation with you, that he hadn’t been expecting the retaliation. The blade is freshly sharpened. The perfect weapon. The perfect opportunity. Freedom just after this final hurdle.

Freedom that comes with its burdens—with a child and the law and the media and… And then what? A life of loneliness. A life spent working through mountains of trauma. A life in which you can never look at the train again.

Two blue eyes blink up at you. For the first time, Azul looks scared and weak—a small, pitiful thing. For the first time, you have him trapped beneath your thumb.

You want to bring the knife down and put an end to these cyclical days. You want to crush his spirits in the same way he crushed yours. You want him to know pain so brutal it rots him from the inside.

But you can’t. You want to and in an ideal scenario devoid of fear you would. But you can’t.

You dig your heel palms into your eyes and sob. “I can’t! I’m sorry. I… I can’t do it!”

Azul deflates with a deep sigh. “Oh… Oh, my angel, it’s all right. I forgive you. You’re just a little confused. A little emotional—I get it. We all have emotional moments. I’m not upset.”

“But I—I almost… I was going to—”

“You didn’t. You didn’t, my love, and that’s what matters.”

He beckons you to his height; you lower to your knees. The knife is still clutched in your hands. He looks between it and you, as if weighing which is more dangerous. Volatile emotions or a blade. Maybe both.

Azul wraps his arms around you and rubs your back consolingly. “It’s okay. I’m not angry.”

You sniffle, but the tears won’t stop flowing. “Still… I almost did such a horrible thing to you. I could’ve hurt you—k-killed you!”

“My dear, it’s okay.” He kisses the top of your head, tucking you beneath his chin. “I forgive you.”

Your fingers tighten around the handle. “You do?”

“I do. I always will.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Angel—”

You turn the sharpened point inwards and slam it into his side, just below his rib. It pierces through soft flesh. You pull away just in time to see hurt and betrayal flash across his face, hot like the tears you’re now drying.

Shakily, his movements unsteady, he reaches for the handle. His fingers dance across it, assessing the reality of the situation. You stabbed him. You did it.

He hisses through his teeth when he tears it out. Blood spatters the kitchen floor in a brilliant, vermillion arc. Azul, knife in hand, staggers to his feet and lunges.

You stumble away in a blind panic.

“How dare you…” He clutches his side with one hand while the other slashes through the air. You narrowly dodge before the knife can slice your arm. Blood seeps through Azul’s shirt, staining his palm red. His expression is twisted in a dark concoction of agony and anger. “I’ve shown you nothing but love and care… I’ve been nothing but patient. I’ve done everything! You were beginning to warm up to me—to this life—our life! I was wrong to trust you. Get back here—”

“You’re crazy! You assaulted me, kidnapped me, threatened me! Do you really think I’d love you after all of that?!” You yelp when his slick, blood-stained fingers wrap around your wrist to drag you down. “Stop! Let go of me!”

You elbow him in the ribs, which causes a shockwave of pain to travel through him, and it gives you enough time to wriggle free. Ripping your arm from his hold, you try to get away when he, aiming to subdue you, grabs hold of your ankle next. You feel the blade sink into your calf before you see it. A terrible cry frays your throat, torn from the depths of your chest like a flower pried from the soil.

“If I’m going to die…” He flops to his knees, wheezing. “If I’m going to die, you’ll die with me.”

“Like hell I will!” you hiss through your teeth, thrashing wildly.

Stupidly, you pull the knife from where it’s wedged in. Blood spurts from the wound, trickling down your leg in a thick, steady stream. You wince and limp towards the door. Closer… You’re almost there.

Azul reaches out with a bloodied hand, his expression utterly shattered. “Wait… Don’t go any further. Please… I need you. We need each other. My angel, my love, please don’t go!”

You tear your eyes away. He’s a monster. You’ll never sympathize with him.

Just before you can get to the front door, Azul picks himself up and wraps his arms around your waist. He pulls you down and your head hits the floor with a harsh smack. You see stars. The ceiling spins above you. You try to get up, crawl away, escape—whatever it takes to lose him—but he clings to your side, holding tight. His blood is warm and wet against your shirt. The pain in your calf is sparking up your leg, joining the ache at the back of your head in duet.

Pressed so closely, the flow of blood slows. Your shirt soaks up what the rest of his already drenched shirt can’t hold.

You watch the ceiling. The light looks like a halo; it shines brightly. Azul blinks up at you, hopelessly, sickly enthralled. The tip of the knife prods at your stomach. If it pierces, you don’t feel it. You’re sore all over. Bruises are already beginning to bloom.

At the bottom of the sea, clothed in frigid darkness, there is no sense of direction.

That’s the sweetest relief while you wade into unconsciousness with a parasitic angler.

#yandere twst #yandere twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere azul ashengrotto #yandere azul ashengrotto x reader #yandere azul #yandere azul x reader #tw: noncon touching #tw: noncon #tw: chikan #n/sfw #tw: stalking

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saturnville · 29 days ago

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love calls | kelvin harrison jr.

Pairing: Kelvin Harrison Jr. x Black Fem OC (nia) Summary: Kelvin takes the step to make things official between him and Nia. Warnings: Sexual suggestions. WC: 2519 AN: Everybody say thank you @youreadthatright for asking about Nia and Kelvin. Semi-inspired by Love Calls by Kem. Remember: Likes are nice, but reblogs, comments, and asks are encouraged. What were your thoughts?

Phone calls during work hours were the bane of her existence. Having successfully broken her self-proclaimed cell phone addiction, anything that was a cellular distraction was forbidden, especially during her shifts. She kept her phone across the room on a plush chair her mother purchased when she was promoted. It was nice and cozy, unable to be drained from overuse like its owner. It must be nice.

Yet, her efforts were in vain. The do-not-disturb setting wasn’t strong enough to withhold the call that forced its way through technological blockages, and a familiar name made a special appearance on the slightly smudged screen of her laptop. KHJR.

She'd scowl if she were skilled at holding a grudge, but she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of her lips as she accepted the call. “I’m at work; you do know that, right?”

His soft chuckle warmed her body. After a few moments of reconnection, clear, brown skin, a pretty smile, and a crisp hairline appeared. So did a broad chest covered by a crisp wife beater decorated with a gold chain. Those lips. She inhaled sharply. “You gon’ fall behind for over a five-minute call, Ni?”

If she kept ogling at him, she might. Things between her and Kelvin had changed drastically since that night at his apartment. What was supposed to be one night turned into two, filled with pizza, deep conversations, and a warm body against hers when the night came to an end. When maintenance arrived on Monday, he was by her side, watching to ensure the handyman secured the new lock with enough precision that even Hephaestus couldn’t undo the work.

They spent a lot of time together after that. On days when his schedule wasn’t as packed, he joined her for lunch, often insisting he take her to different restaurants around the city. When she was holed in at the office, he resorted to bringing food and flowers, which her co-workers whispered and inquired about when he left. They weren’t dating, no. Just two adults enjoying the company of one another and enjoying the company a little too much.

Some lines had not yet been crossed, but if Nia didn’t regain control and dignity, she’d find herself in that man’s bed for reasons beyond a busted lock. Her instinct was to fall back. To regroup and maintain composure. She wasn’t twenty anymore. Love needed structure, and it required intentionality. It lasted all of two days until Kelvin came ringing her line as he usually did.

Nia shook her head. “No, but I was in the middle of something. Don’t want a certain someone stealing my focus. Everything good?”

Kelvin nodded slowly, brown eyes following every ebb and flow of her movements. Though on the call, she moved gracefully to write down a few things that came to her mind. She tucked her pressed hair behind her ear, showing off her cheeks and beautiful collarbone with a simple gold chain around it. Her lip was drawn between her teeth as she forced her pen across the paper.

“Yeah,” he said after her eyes cut toward him as an extra push. “I’m back in town on Thursday evening; I wanted to see you on Friday. You got room on the busy calendar for 8?” Honestly, his asking was a mere formality to show respect for her time. One way or another, he’d be in her presence on Friday night, hell or high water.

Nia’s eyes flickered toward her desk calendar. Half day at work, but he didn’t need to know that. No plans with the girls since they were all on weekend adventures, but he didn’t need to know that, either. Her pause was intentional, but delaying wouldn’t help her case, so she said, “I’m free at eight on Friday.”

She hated how easy it was to say yes. She hated how it seemed to be the correct answer even more.

“Smooth,” Kelvin replied but didn’t hang up. His lips parted, but nothing came out. Nia tilted her head to the side. “What?” She asked, her pen still in her hand. Kelvin shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck, the gold necklace catching the sunlight at the right angle. “Nothing…just bring that smile you tryna hide with you. I’ll see you on Friday.”

And Lord, it couldn’t come fast enough. By Wednesday, she was counting down the hours. By Wednesday evening, she glanced at the clock, almost jumping out of her skin when he called her to ensure she was still suitable for Friday evening. On Thursday, she shared the details with her closest friends, who encouraged her to go; as a good man, making it official within a month wasn’t usual.

“He asked me out. He didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend,” Nia downplayed as she sat in the manicurist’s chair, her voice vibrating from the massage chair’s beating on her back.

Roni blew a raspberry that caught the attention of nearby patrons. “Girl, he’s about to. He asks you out all the time. He’s taking you to a nice dinner at an expensive restaurant in the city and Lord knows where else. Just be prepared to be booed up by the end of the weekend and stop being so pessimistic—oh, I’m sorry, can I change my polish color?”

By Friday after work, she was shuffling through the racks at her nearest Zara after determining the dresses in her closet wouldn’t do. They were either too short, too long, not in season, or not weather-appropriate. She landed on something less traditional and maybe something that would hurt any other man’s pride but would have Kelvin complimenting her off the walls—the sharpest two-piece black suit. Kind of. She wanted the pants, but when she saw a pair of shorts that complimented the blazer, it seemed appropriate for the occasion. Coupled with her favorite black heels and gold jewelry, she’d be date night-ready.

The knock came like a secret. Not loud. Not rushed. Just three, a soft three-tap rhythm against the door that made her stomach leap. He didn’t call. Didn’t text. No hazard lights reflected off her window to send a signal like Batman. Kelvin showed up as he’d always done. With presence.

She rechecked her reflection, tamed the nonexistent wrinkles on her blazer sleeve, and adjusted the hem of her shorts. Her legs looked long, which she could attribute to her heels. Her skin glowed, and her necklace winked at her like it knew the night would end with a bang.

When she opened the door, the look in his eyes made her heart race.

“Alright, girl.” He didn’t just look at her. He studied her like an unknown subject, his eyes decoding every step that led to her putting on that blazer that covered just enough but still gave way to a wandering imagination and shorts that showcased smooth, brown legs. His vision was focused on her, and its fingers drummed down her thigh. “How can I keep it together when you look like this?”

Nia’s lips curved into a knowing smile. “If I’m leaving the house, I might as well look good doing it.”

Kelvin hummed low and smooth like melodies from an old church choir. He stepped closer, one hand in his pocket, the other tucked underneath her chin. Not too far, but just enough to have her leaning into his touch. His eyes flickered down to her lips, full and covered in lip gloss he’d love to have smeared on his skin at any opportunity. “You gon’ let me kiss you now, or do you need another five minutes like you Ain’t been thinking about it since Tuesday?”

She swallowed thickly. Her lips parted, but the words didn’t come quickly enough. So he did it for her. Leaned in and pressed his lips against the corner of her mouth. Not quite her lips. Not overly complicated. Simple enough to be considered innocent but intentional enough for Nia to know it was a shadow of something else to come.

Nia exhaled sharply. “You’re tryin’ to start something, Kelvin.”

He smiled as he pulled back, his dark brown eyes never leaving her complimentary ones. “Nah, just tryna build something, if you let me.”

That was enough for her knees to almost buckle, sending those five-inch heels flying off her feet. Roni was right. He was up to something.

The ride to the venue provided enough time to get her mind and vagina in order before she made decisions on impulse. They were seated outdoors, which gave the perfect view of the city’s nightlife as the sun crested over the horizon and city lights reflected off building windows and car mirrors.

The live jazz band's soft sounds soothed her anxiety leading up to the date. Paired with two glasses of the finest white wine to grace her taste buds, they had her feeling loose and ready to accept any proposition he could provide. It was further subsided by a delicious meal, conversation with stolen, lingering glances, and the most delicious chocolate cake brought out on a clean, white dish with chocolate writing: Will you be my girlfriend?

Suddenly, chocolate cake felt like a commitment. One she wanted but wasn’t expecting so soon.“You did not,” Nia gasped, dropping the fork she prepared to use to obliterate the dessert he ordered. A child-like grin on her face. “Babe…” His lips curled into a smirk. “You Ain’ even accept my proposal, and you callin’ me babe, c’mon girl, let’s do this the right way!”

They shared a laugh. When it died down, Kelvin took her hand in his, thumb caressing the scar on her hand and the jewelry on the middle finger. “Nia, we’ve been cool for a while, but this last month has been…something different. I could be moving too fast or too old to play games. Maybe both, but I know I want you and only you; I want it to be real between us…and I’d be honored to call you my girl if you’d let me.”

Thank God for some self-control, or she would’ve leaped across the table and painted this man’s face with her lip gloss. Instead, she settled for a soft yes and a smile, which seemed to do it justice, as Kelvin couldn’t keep the smile off his face no matter how hard he tried.

The ride back to her apartment was filled with an undeniable tension they both tried to mask with soft smiles and whispers of old school R&B that played through the speakers. It followed them up the elevator and to her front door, where her hand ghosted over the knob, debating whether to end the night or let him press her against a wall and capture her lips in the searing kiss she'd internally been begging for. But the other part of her, the cautious part of her told her to slow down.

The shift was noticeable. Didn't fall on blind eyes. Kelvin didn't step closer but he didn't move way, either. The ball was in her court, but his presence was undeniable. She could feel his warm breath against her skin, the hairs on her neck standing at attention.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Nia," he reminded her of what she already knew, but it didn't help. Her inhibitions were clamoring behind iron bars she'd constructed over the last few years. Did he have the key to open the doors? It seemed so.

His patience was both a gift and a challenge, an enigma she struggled to grasp. Thankful that he was mature unlike men--no, boys, she was used to dealing with. Curious about the unspoken confidence that warned her once she was his, she was his fully and he was hers.

Nia turned over her shoulder, her stunning side profile spotlit by the low lights of the apartment hallway. "Come in," she said after some time. She aimed for confidence, but hesitation lassoed her words into a whisper, leaving only a hushed breath to pass her lips. "You sure?"

The door creaking open was his answer.

The two hardly made it past the threshold before lust beat self control and his mouth was on hers. She couldn't recall how it happened. Maybe when her hand lingered too long on his chest or when his lips brushed against her neck as she unlocked the door. She didn't know. She didn't care.

Nia moaned softly from the intensity of it all. Their kiss was sloppy and uncoordinated, but it sparked a match that lit a flame deep in her loins. She'd set fire to the whole place if it didn't simmer down. But she didn't want it to.

There was something grown, sexy, raunchy about a man finding her so delectable that as soon as the door closed and the locked clicked, he was on her like white on rice. She placed her hands on his chest to still his movements, bending down to kick off her heels before she broke an ankle trying to keep up with his lips sucking on her neck. Her eyes rolled back behind heavy eyelids. "Mhm, wait, wait."

Her breath came out in a shaky laugh. She pressed against him, not to push him away, but to ground herself and remind herself of who she was. Kelvin pulled back immediately, eyes scanning her face for any sign of discomfort or hesitancy. His hands stayed where they were, distant but respectful. Unmoving, but still reminding her that she was in control and he'd follow her lead.

"You good?" he asked, his voice a low rumble.

"Yeah, yeah," Nia nodded, her fingers clenching around his shirt. She didn't know whether to pull him closer or retreat. "Wasn't expecting you to kiss me like that."

Kelvin chuckled, "Well, I'm not afraid to admit that's all I been thinkin' about since Tuesday, but.." That made her smile. Really smile. The one that made her nose crinkle and her shoulders relax. Her hands slid up his shirt and her finger wrapped around his chain, and she pulled him in for a kiss. Slower. More calculated. Nasty.

His hand slid down her back and settled on the cuff of her bottom that peeked through the bottom of her shorts. A firm squeeze made her knees buckle. So the shorts were a good choice, she noted. She whimpered against his lips, her body arching every so slightly into his touch. Maybe. The younger version of her would've used this as fuel to spiral into full-fledged fantasies. But this, this was in the room with her. And it was hers. He was hers.

Kelvin pulled back enough to whisper against her lips, "Do you want me to stay?"

She didn't answer right away. Didn't need to. She just reached for his hand and led him further into the apartment and into the unknown that a night full of vibes, fancy wine, and cute proposal could thrust them to.

And whatever happened after that, she'd chosen it. And that was enough.

Tags: @kirayuki22 @greedyjudge2 @notapradagurl7 @irishmanwhore @honeytoffee @theogbadbitch @jazziejax @kumkaniudaku @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @youreadthatright

#saturnville #black!reader #black reader #kelvin harrison jr.#original writing #kelvin harrison jr. x reader #kelvin harrison jr. x black reader #kelvin harrison jr. smut #kelvin harrison jr. fic #kelvin harrison jr. x black oc #kelvin harrison jr #black fanfiction

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starshideurfics · 11 months ago

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Thirsty Thursday - Buzzed

steddie, omegaverse, modern AU, Eddie got out of Hawkins and got famous

Most days it’s easy to pretend. Steve and Robin share a house and a workplace and most of a life in Indianapolis. He can usually forget how he and Eddie almost had something.

But that was before Eddie moved to L.A. to try doing something with his music, found his way into playing a busker in an indie film that miraculously got oscar buzz, and suddenly he’s a household name, booking tons of projects.

And Steve is happy for him!

Really!

He is.

It’s just… He misses having Eddie around. How excitable and goofy he can be, but also having a thoughtful alpha to hang out with other than Robin.

Not to mention his campfire scent and the way his callused fingers feel against Steve’s skin.

They still talk occasionally, texting mostly, little check-ins every couple months, but Steve hasn’t seen Eddie in-person in at least five years.

That’s why it’s easy to pretend. Steve’s old friend, Eddie, and Eddie Munson, alpha movie star, are two different people.

Steve’s crush can exist between the pages of magazines and on internet gossip sites.

He can moon over the pics from Eddie’s photoshoots that he has saved on his phone in private. Can keep his fantasies contained in his nest as he imagines his fingers sliding into short curls.

At least until he gets a call from Dustin on an unassuming Friday night. Steve and Robin are already nearly through a bottle of wine, kicking their feet up after a long week of teaching, when Steve’s phone rings.

“Eddie’s next movie is shooting in Chicago,” Dustin starts.

“And he’s flying out early so he can stop in Indy for a week. I may have told him he should skip the hotel and stay in your guest room.”

“Dustin!”

“What? You’ve got one of the mattresses from the podcast ads in there! It’s comfy! And that way he doesn’t have to deal with paps!”

“Can you just say paparazzi like a normal person?” Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But it should be fine. When does he get in?”

“Next weekend.”

“Dustin!”

“I only just found out! El and I are driving down in a week, and Mike and Will are only able to skype in.”

He doesn’t mention Lucas and Max, since they also live in Indy; Dustin and El are likely staying with them.

Robin elbows Steve and hisses for him to put the call on speaker, getting caught up as Steve has a private crisis at the thought of finally seeing Eddie again.

To make matters worse, his totally not stalkerish web alert for Eddie’s name pings after he hangs up with Dustin. A new photo shoot.

Eddie’s curls are gone, buzzed down to his scalp; Steve mourns for a fraction of a second.

Then he needs to squeeze his thighs together.

The wanting that he’s been squashing down for the better part of a decade comes back in full force, strong enough that Robin asks if his cycle is early and he’s going into heat.

Blushing, but knowing he can’t keep a secret from her to save his life, he shows her his phone.

“All I can see is how noticeable his ears are now,” Robin says with a judging look and a shrug. “And I am never going to buy Eddie as a tough guy, but I guess I can understand what you omegas see in him.”

“Rooooob!” Steve whines, indignant.

“Steeeeeve!” she teases back.

“I just… Fuck, I need to get laid.”

“I’m sure Eddie would if you asked him nicely.”

“Rob!”

“He looks like he could hold you down, get you to stop stressing so much.”

“Robin… I can’t think about that.”

“Sure you can.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, and you know why: The bulk of the conversations Eddie and I still have are about you. He always asks me how you are, what you’re up to, at least once a month.”

Steve’s taken aback by that. “What?”

“Yeah. He usually asks if you’re seeing anyone. Tries to sneak it in. Like I’m not going to notice.”

She raises a single eyebrow, and Steve feels intensely confused. “Then how come he doesn’t ask me? Or talk to me more?” He tips back the last of his wine and pulls his legs up tight to his chest.

“Because you’re both idiots,” Robin says, voice warm and full of love as she hugs him.

A week later, a car with dark tinted windows pulls up in Robin and Steve’s driveway.

Eddie has a baseball hat and sunglasses on as he gets out, the disguise barely enough obscure his features, but even if it were better, Steve would still recognize him by his posture.

Robin is out running errands and picking up dinner, but mostly giving Steve an hour of privacy. A chance to say something before either of them can get stuck inside their heads and fuck it up.

“Hey, Stevie,�� Eddie says with a smile as he pulls off his sunglasses in the entryway.

“Hey yourself,” Steve replies, pulling Eddie in for a hug, ready to make it quick, only for Eddie to hold on tight and press his nose to Steve’s neck. A purr rumbles from his chest.

Steve reaches up and pulls the hat from Eddie’s head, letting it fall to the ground.

He rubs his fingers over the stubble of the alpha’s hair, keeping him pressed close to the bonding gland at his neck, his scent crying out for Eddie to claim him.

Soft lips ghost against Steve’s neck. “I missed you,” Eddie whispers.

“Missed you, too.”

Steve kisses the side of Eddie’s head, the only part he can reach, lips pressed to the velvet of his shorn hair. Then it’s like his brain suddenly catches up with him. “Sorry! We- I didn’t-”

Eddie presses a single finger to Steve’s lips, finally pulling back to look in his eyes.

Without his curls, Eddie’s gaze is somehow more intense, dark chocolate looking into Steve’s heart. “Don’t apologize, puppy. You have nothing to apologize for, not to me.”

“Eddie…”

“I’m the one who ran away, who’s been hiding instead of alpha-ing up and telling you.”

“Telling me what?” Steve asks, lower lip trembling.

“That even after all this time, I can’t get your scent out of my nose. That I still dream about you every night. That I work so much to keep from going insane missing you. That I sh-”

Steve cuts him off with a kiss.

Eddie doesn’t waste any more time, just picks Steve up, their lips still connected, and carries him to the nearest bedroom—fortunately Steve’s—and drops him on the bed. Getting out of their clothes doesn’t take long; they’ve both waited long enough.

And Robin will be home soon.

Part 2

Now expanded into a full fic! Read here

#steddie #omegaverse #fanfiction #alpha eddie munson #omega steve harrington #ficlet #thisty thursday #stranger things fic

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celestialgallaghers · 19 days ago

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White Mustang: Tuesday [18+]

I don't even have a note for this one.

Summary: You were younger then, and it was only a crush. Something harmless born in the long hours of a studio summer. But now Noel’s here, newly divorced and quieter then you remember, sharing a house on your family’s holiday. He’s more distant, harder to read, and somehow even more gorgeous with age. Suddenly the feelings you thought had faded are back in full force. But he’s still off limits… isn’t he?

Word count: 3.3k

Tuesday

As soon as you opened your eyes, a wave of dread hit you.

You’d kissed Noel. And he’d run off.

The thought of facing him now made your stomach twist. How were you supposed to walk around pretending you didn’t know what his mouth tasted like? How soft his lips were. The weight of his tongue…

You groaned and rolled over, squeezing your eyes shut in the hope that sleep would come again. Anything to delay seeing him.

A knock at the door woke you again. Your heart jumped into your throat until you heard Emily’s voice call your name.

You dragged yourself out of bed and let her in, squinting at the morning light. She bounced in, bright and chipper.

“Get up,” she said. “We’re going on a yacht.”

You blinked at her. “Whose yacht?”

“Noel’s got a connection,” she grinned.

Of course he did.

You showered quickly and got dressed, slipping oversized sunglasses onto your face in the hopes they’d shield you from Noel as much as the sun. You weren’t ready to face him. To see the look on his face. You had a feeling it wouldn’t be good.

When you arrived at the dock, the yacht was already teeming with people. Noel’s friends, a few others you didn’t recognize. God, it must be nice to live like this.

The boat was big enough that you could lose yourself among the crowd, and you gratefully stuck close to Emily. There were even a few people your age milling around, easy enough to strike up conversation with. It was just enough to keep your mind busy and away from the sharp pit in your stomach.

A few hours passed. The sun was high above you, beating down. You were mid reach for another drink when you saw him. Alone at the end of the boat, staring out into the endless sea.

You hesitated for a moment. Neither of you had said a word to each other all day. But you knew you couldn’t leave it like this. And maybe it was the champagne fizzling through your veins, but you found yourself crossing the deck before you could second guess it.

You stopped beside him, a careful distance away, and leaned against the rail. The sea stretched out in front of you, shimmering and blinding.

“Hi,” you said, speaking more to the water than him.

Noel stiffened almost imperceptibly but didn’t turn to look at you. His eyes stayed trained ahead.

“Hey,” he replied gruffly.

Silence hung heavy between you. You stared at the horizon, willing the words to come out.

“I’m just gonna say this,” you began, heart thudding. “What happened last night… it didn’t feel wrong. Not to me.”

He said nothing. Just lifted his drink, took a slow sip, and kept his gaze fixed on the water.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” you said, forcing a shaky breath, “but I know you’re not happy. And I know this trip was supposed to help. So if I’ve made it worse, I’m sorry. That wasn’t the point.”

Still nothing.

You swallowed hard. Every word felt heavier than it had in your head.

“I meant what I said. About a fling.” You paused, heart hammering against your ribs. “We’ve only got three more days. That’s all I’m offering. No strings. No expectations. Just...whatever this is. If you want it.”

You let the silence stretch, hoping for any sign from him.

But Noel stayed still. Staring ahead like you hadn’t even spoken.

Your stomach sank.

“If you change your mind,” you said quietly, “you know where to find me.”

You didn’t wait for a response. You bit down on your disappointment, turned around, and walked away, heart pounding in your ears.

You kept your distance for the rest of the day. He seemed to keep his distance too, though whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t tell.

The boat docked just as the sun began to sink low over the horizon, casting the sky in gold and pink. As soon as you arrived at the house, you went straight to your room, claiming exhaustion.

But really, it was just easier not to see him.

Hours passed. You heard the others say their goodnights, voices drifting down the hall.

By midnight, you tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Your mind spun circles, full of everything you wished you’d said differently to Noel.

By one a.m., you were still wide awake, staring at the ceiling, stomach knotted tight with regret. You were starting to lose hope, starting to believe you’d ruined it for good. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, hot and stupid, just as a soft knock sounded at your door.

You bolted upright, heart thudding against your ribs. For a second you thought you’d imagined it, but then crossed the room and cracked open the door.

Noel stood there in a loose T-shirt and sweats, hair messy, looking like he hadn’t been able to sleep either.

You stared at each other for a long moment, the air between you heavy and uncertain.

He cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

You stepped aside without a word. He slipped in, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

The room felt too small now. Or maybe he was just taking up all the air.

For a long stretch, neither of you spoke.

Then, voice low, he said, “I tried to leave it alone. Tried to ignore you today.”

Your heart kicked hard in your chest. But you said nothing.

He let out a breath, almost a laugh but not quite.

“Didn’t work.”

He looked at you then, straight on. “Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.”

You could feel your pulse in every inch of your body.

“I meant what I said,” you whispered. “I'm not trying to mess with your head. I'm not expecting anything after this trip. I just...want you. I could help you. If you want me too.”

For a second, he didn’t say anything. You wondered if you'd pushed too hard, misread everything.

But then he exhaled sharply.

“You have no idea how much I fucking want you.”

And then he moved.

One heartbeat he was standing there, the next he was on you—hands at your hips, tugging you close, his mouth crashing onto yours.

And when he kissed you, it wasn’t tentative. It was desperate. Starved. Like he was trying to erase every second he’d wasted pretending he didn’t want this.

You gasped into him, arms winding around his neck, tasting the bitter edge of the cigars everyone had smoked earlier sharp against the heat of his mouth.

You clung to him, kissing him back just as fiercely. His hands roamed your body, slower now as he deepened the kiss, tongue stroking into your mouth with a soft, wrecked sound that sent molten heat flooding your veins.

You barely registered falling back onto the bed. Mouths crashing, hands frantic. You tugged at the hem of his shirt, and Noel pulled back just long enough to yank it over his head and toss it aside.

For a moment, you just looked at him. His chest rising and falling, mouth parted slightly, eyes burning.

Then you surged back in, kissing him harder, hands exploring the warm, bare skin of his back.

He let you. Breathed hard against your lips. But you could still feel it. Tension drawn tight beneath his skin.

He wanted this. But he didn’t know how to let it happen easily. Didn’t know how to let go.

You pulled back just enough to meet his eyes.

“Noel,” you whispered. “It’s okay. I promise.”

You kissed him again, slower this time, then gently nudged at his shoulder. He tensed, uncertain, but let you guide him until his back was to you.

If he couldn’t get there in his head, you’d have to help get him there through his body.

You climbed onto your knees behind him, hands finding the rigid line of his shoulders. You pressed your fingers in, slow and firm, into the tight knots beneath his skin.

At first, he was stiff under your touch. Not pulling away, but not giving in either.

“Stop fighting me so hard,” you murmured near his ear, your breath warm against him. “You need to relax.”

A rough breath left him. Almost a laugh. His head dropped forward slightly, letting you in without even meaning to.

Your thighs bracketed his hips, holding him close, your chest warm against his back. He grunted softly as your fingers kneaded into his muscles, slowly working through all the tension he’d been carrying for far too long.

Your hands moved lower, pressing into the space between his shoulder blades. You leaned in, lips brushing the nape of his neck in a lingering kiss.

Noel flinched, then stilled. You caught the tremor in his breath, the way he leaned, just barely, into your touch.

You stayed patient. Steady. And slowly, he let himself sink deeper against you, his resistance softening.

You kissed along the curve of his neck, tasting salt and heat, his pulse fluttering beneath your tongue. A soft, low groan slipped from him, unguarded, and heat bloomed low in your belly in response.

Your hands drifted lower, massaging the small of his back, the tension easing with every slow stroke.

He tilted his neck, baring it for you. Offering it. You kissed the tender spot just below his ear, teasing. Another broken sound escaped him, and you tightened your thighs around his hips, aching for any friction to ease the throb building inside you.

Your nails raked lightly down his back, and he shivered so hard it echoed through your bones.

Your hands slid around to his waist, fingertips brushing the sensitive skin of his stomach. The muscles there fluttered under your touch, tensing then easing as he surrendered a little more.

You leaned closer, voice low and coaxing at his ear. “Let me take care of you.”

For a long moment, he didn’t speak. Just breathed shakily.

Then he nodded. “Yeah,” he rasped. “Okay.”

You smiled against his skin, kissing just behind his ear. You could feel it now. The way his body had slowly yielded into your hands. How badly he needed this without knowing how to ask for it.

Your hands moved lower, fingertips brushing the waistband of his sweats, skimming lightly over the hardness straining beneath.

You felt, more than heard, the breath he let out. The way he shifted under your touch, like he couldn’t stop himself, sent heat pulsing between your legs.

His head dropped back to your shoulder, a ragged, almost soundless sigh escaping him. Relief. Or maybe just gratitude.

Carefully, you shifted around in front of him, slow enough to give him every chance to stop you if he needed to.

You sank to your knees and stopped cold.

Fuck.

He looked like something out of a dream. Chest rising and falling, eyes hooded and wrecked, his whole body humming with want. And his face… Christ. He was beautiful like this.

Then your gaze dropped, and your mouth went dry. The thick bulge straining against his sweats made your mind reel with the full weight of what you were doing. What was about to happen.

You hooked your fingers into the waistband, looking up at him.

“This okay?” you whispered, voice almost trembling with how much you wanted him.

He nodded, his eyes locked on yours. Something had shifted in him. Like he’d finally allowed himself to just feel.

You swallowed hard, dragging his sweats down and off. For a moment, you just stared, heart pounding, feeling the heat rolling off him in waves.

All worked up. All from you.

You’d done this to him. He wanted you.

The thought made you dizzy with need. You rose up, straddled his lap, and cradled his face in your hands as you kissed him again.

Noel let out a needy sound as you settled over him, hands digging into your hips. You rocked against him, feeling the hot, throbbing press of him against your soaked center, pulling a soft gasp from your lips.

He shuddered beneath you, and the feeling of his body against yours sent a sharp, sweet pulse between your thighs.

One hand slipped beneath your shirt, rough palm skimming up your spine. When he cupped your breast, thumb brushing delicately over the peak, it was almost too much.

You whimpered into his mouth, a helpless sound, and his hips jerked beneath you in response, another rough groan tearing from his throat.

For a while, you just stayed there. Kissing him. Touching him. Rocking slow and lazy against him, stoking the fire between you without letting it catch all the way.

You needed to feel all of it. Everything you’d ached for. Everything you'd wanted years ago and never let yourself take.

When you finally pulled back, his eyes were dazed, shining a little in the low light. You kissed the corner of his mouth one more time, then slipped off his lap and knelt before him.

Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers. You looked up at him once, just to be sure.

He gave a shaky nod, lips parted, chest rising in shallow, desperate breaths.

You swallowed thickly and pulled them down.

When he sprang free, you went still. You couldn't even breathe.

He was... breathtaking. Flushed and heavy and beautiful in a way that made your pulse stutter. Your mouth went dry. Your body clenched with such sharp ache you nearly whimpered.

You’d felt him before, hard and pressing against you. But seeing him now was something else entirely.

It wasn’t fair, you thought dimly, half-dazed by the size of him.

You looked up through your lashes, offering him one final out. But he just stared down at you, utterly still.

Your hand curled around him slowly, feeling the heat and hardness of him throb in your palm. He was so fucking hard already, straining toward you, aching in a way that sent a fresh rush of arousal flooding through you.

Noel sucked in a breath, chest rising sharply.

Then you lowered your mouth to him, letting the heavy weight of him settle on your tongue.

Noel let out a guttural moan that sounded torn straight from his chest. His head snapped back, eyes squeezed shut like the pleasure hurt.

“Oh—”

“Quiet,” you hissed, pulling off briefly, voice thick with amusement and desire.

You couldn’t help it. You loved how undone he already was.

His eyes flew open, wide and wrecked, and he nodded frantically, biting down on his fist to keep from making another sound.

You took him back into your mouth, moving slowly, savoring every twitch, every muffled breath. Watching him struggle to stay quiet only turned you on more.

You hollowed your cheeks and sucked hard. He bucked helplessly into your mouth, another broken whimper lost against his hand.

He reached down, fingers tangling tightly in your hair.

You moaned low around him, feeling him twitch on your tongue. He cursed under his breath, hips jerking again.

You pulled back, spit slick and glistening across him, and stroked him with your hand as you took him deeper, until he hit the back of your throat.

Noel's hips bucked up involuntarily and a ragged, muffled sound escaped him, like he was trying with everything he had to stay quiet for you.

You bobbed your head faster now, filthy, wet sounds filling the room as you pushed him closer and closer to the edge.

His body was trembling so hard now you could barely hold him still.

You didn’t stop. You wanted all of it. Every broken sound, every shiver. The way he unraveled for you made you ache to take care of him.

His grip on your hair tightened. He pushed at your shoulder in warning, but you stayed firm. You wanted to be the one to carry him through.

You sucked harder, tongue dragging alone the sensitive underside, and with a strangled groan, he lost it.

Noel came hard with a violent shudder, spilling hot and heavy down your throat, biting into his palm to keep from crying out. You swallowed him down, not stopping until he sagged back against the bed.

You sat back on your heels, breathless, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Your heart pounding wildly as you watched him. Completely wrecked.

You couldn’t stop the small, satisfied smile that curled your lips.

Judging by the thick, staggering amount you’d just swallowed, one thought struck you hard:

How long had it been since anyone had touched him like this?

The question hit deeper than expected, sparking something protective in you.

Your legs trembled slightly as you stood. Noel lay sprawled across the bed, chest heaving, sweat glistening at his temples. He looked heartbreakingly beautiful.

Eyes closed, body loose and heavy with satisfaction.

You moved carefully, easing his head into your lap. He didn’t resist. A low, contented sound escaped him as he settled against you.

You carded your fingers slowly through his hair, letting the silence stretch.

You tried to ignore the ache still pulsing between your thighs. Tried to ignore the way his breath against your bare skin made your body shiver.

He needed this more than you did.

For a long time, neither of you spoke. The room felt heavy with the weight of what had just passed between you.

Finally, he cracked one eye open, looking up at you with a lazy, ruined sort of smile.

“I can't remember the last time I had a blowjob like that,” he muttered, voice thick and slurred from pleasure.

You laughed softly, brushing it off even as warmth crept up your neck. “That good, huh?”

Noel let out a shaky chuckle, the sound rumbling against your thighs. “Fuckin’ hell,” he breathed.

He looked lighter somehow. Less burdened. Like you’d taken something heavy from him, if only for a little while.

“Feeling better?” you teased, smoothing his hair back again.

“Better,” he echoed. He gave your thigh a gentle squeeze. Like a silent thank you.

Silence fell again. You wondered if you were the first person he’d touched since the divorce. The first person to touch him back.

Eventually, he stirred, like he was about to get up. But before he moved, he spoke, low and reluctant. Like it cost him something.

“Needed that,” he muttered.

Not you, not your touch. Not your mouth.

Just that. The release only you could give him.

You smiled softly, letting him keep the illusion. Your fingers slid through his hair one last time before you nudged him upright.

“Come on,” you whispered. “Get dressed. You’re about to pass out.”

He blinked up at you, sluggish but teasing. “You calling me old?”

You tossed his shirt at him, grinning. “Never.”

He dragged it over his head with a rough huff of laughter. But he paused halfway, something still on his mind.

He reached out and tugged at the hem of your shirt like he might keep going.

“I’m fine,” you said quietly, even though your whole body throbbed with want.

He shifted. “I’m not usually...like this,” he muttered, not quite meeting your eyes.

“Like what?” you asked gently.

“Selfish.”

The word was gruff. A little defensive.

Before you could respond, he reached out and cupped your jaw, kissing you slow and deep.

“I'll make it up to you,” he murmured against your lips.

The promise in his voice made your stomach flip all over again.

Before you could say anything, he ruffled your hair with a lazy smirk and slipped out the door.

You sat there for a long moment, heart pounding, staring at the closed door.

Then you collapsed back onto the bed, your body still humming, your lips tingling, the taste of him still on your tongue.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

You couldn’t wait to see what he had in mind.

#noel gallagher x reader #noel gallagher x you #noel gallagher fic #noel gallagher #noel gallagher smut

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chiiyuuvv · 8 months ago

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jo's diary ★

classmate!jo 1.2k words

notes! inspired from "when &t likes you" brief of harua, taki, maki, and being drunk

▸ 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺?

august 2th, friday, 11:20 am

dear diary.. never thought i’d be writing in my journal during school hours, i must have accidentally slipped it in my bag when i was studying with maki last night. i know i should be paying attention to my lecture, but i can’t focus when she’s around. i have no clue what her name is, but i know she’s the prettiest girl i’ve laid my eyes on. apparently her class dispersed, or did she need to have a word with my teacher? i can’t remember, my mind went blank when she stepped in the room. anyways, there’s a test coming up and i really need to focus, no matter how difficult it is. cya :)

6th, tuesday, 9:39 pm

i saw her again, the pretty girl. i bumped into her in the hallway.. literally. she was carrying some books and couldn’t see what was in front of her while i was zoned out on my music. her books fell when we collided, and i quickly rushed to help clean up the mess. i didn’t even realize it was her until we made eye contact. truthly, i had forgotten all about her after she entered my class, so imagine how shocked i was when i saw her again. she looked.. so precious up front, i completely froze when our eyes locked. there’s so many things i wanted to say, so much i wanted to do, but our time was cut short when the ball rang. she mustered a small, very cute “sorry,” took her books out of my hands, and ran to class. i was still frozen solid. i even got a tardy for being late. i’m such a loser.

8th, thursday, 7:56 pm

i don’t know what came over me, but i asked for the pretty girl’s name today. it’s y/n.. it suits her well. i learnt she has a tendency to carry large books half her size everywhere, so i offered to take them off her hands. at the time, it felt natural to want to help her but to think about it, that was so weird. everyone knows me as the quiet guy, i don’t know when the random surge of confidence blossomed. i’m sure my friends are probably cheering me on, that is.. if i told them about y/n. i’m keeping her as a secret as of now, i don’t want someone like taki scaring her off. that is, if she even likes me. i doubt it, she’s so out of my league.

10th, saturday, 3:21 am

she has the cutest giggle, it keeps ringing in my head. i can’t get her out of my mind.

12th, monday, 7:39 pm

i didn’t know y/n had the same bus route as me. as soon as i got onto the vehicle, she immediately waved me over so we could sit together. it warms my heart that she got excited to see me all because i helped carry her books. she’s so funny, my face hurts from smiling so much. and she’s also so sweet! she gave me snacks during the bus ride. i think i’m falling for her.

21th, wednesday, 6:28 am

i have a habit of carrying her books, therefore walking her to class. she’s says i’m so cute for helping her everyday, and i told her she’s even cuter. i don’t know what type of demon possessed me to say that, it just flew out my mouth. i thought she would get so uncomfortable from my remark, heck, even hate me, but she only laughed. the cutest laugh, i should say. i watched her cheeks pinken, and she had this little smile tugging at her lips whenever she looked at me. she’s so adorable, i can’t wait to see her today.

22th, thursday, 9:38 pm

i’m going to kill maki, WHY would he shout “jo’s got rizz!!” when i’m talking to the love of my life? i meant y/n. what does rizz even mean??? i definitely need to study english more.

23th, friday, 10:47 pm

the confident surge came back. this time it was even worse. i asked her out to lunch, and then her number. i guess that’s pretty tame for others, but i’m scared of making the first move. it makes me feel vulnerable. y/n was pretty chill about it, so it made me feel better about my actions. she’s so good at assuring me with things. the boys said i had hearts in my eyes while i was eating lunch with her. it probably was true considering butterflies kept roaming in my stomach from talking to her. anyways, should i put one heart beside her contact name, or two?

27th, tuesday, 8:29 pm

i’m still shaking from what happened a few hours ago. y/n invited me for ice cream after school and of course i said yes. i could never say no to that ball of sunshine. i offered to walk her home after. i was talking about something stupid when she suddenly walked super close next to me, the back of her hand brushing against mine. my heart jumped at the contact. i noticed her getting quieter as we talked, and i kept seeing her steal glances at me out of the corner of my eye. help, i got so nervous, i kept stuttering T_T and when i was about to drop her off at her house, she grabbed my face and kissed my cheek. i’m so.. i.. she ksiised mj ceek seh kassid..

28th, wednesday, 11:38 am

i bought her flowers. i bought her flowers. i bought her flowers. and then i gave them to her in front of her friends. speaking of her friends, they’ve been smirking and nudging y/n whenever i’m near. harua was with me when it happened, and he says y/n likes me. does she? there’s no way.

september 7th, saturday, 2:39 am

there was a party a few hours ago, and now y/n is asleep in my bed. i’m on the couch right now. i’m not even sure what happened, i’m still a little buzzed from the drinks. all i know is we were partying, and then i took her to my place with our hands intertwined. did i kiss her? i can’t remember anything.

7th, saturday, 8:00 am

i woke up just now feeling something heavy in my arms. turns out it’s y/n. she must have sleep walked out of my bed and to the couch, and now her face is nuzzled in my neck. i never thought this would feel so comfortable.

21th, saturday, 12:00 am

dear diary.. after a few weeks of stressing out, i finally asked y/n out on a date. i’m so thankful for the boys and her friends for help because i was such a nervous train wreck. she looked so cute, all dressed up with a necklace i bought her a few days prior. we laughed so much, our time together was very memorable. i kissed her goodnight as well. her lips tasted like sweet strawberries. my heart is still swooning right now, and i doubt i’d be able to get a lick of sleep tonight. still, goodnight diary, and goodnight y/n, my pretty girl ♥︎

︴bonus! think i got a little carried away.. heh. anyways its midnight and i should be sleeping rn but wtv wtv wtv. ALSO it's "bandtober" meaning my updates will be slower than usual. see you in november!

▸ taglist 📬 @cherrycolaberry , @slytherinshua , @enhacolor , @lakoya (welcome!!)

🎬 navi

@chiiyuuvv on tumblr . do not steal works/headers/line dividers

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monacodaydreaming · 1 month ago

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I Will Follow You | Part Three

“So what actually happened then? Like why did it end.” He asked before taking another sip of wine from his glass.

“He actually slept with my boss.” You stated blankly, scrunching your face up at the memory. Lando’s face was a picture. He froze as he took in your words.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s actually fine though, like he was a horrible person. He didn’t treat me right at all.” You turned to face the view. You’d since finished your pizza and had moved to sit out on the balcony. “I think more than anything, him doing that gave me the reason that I needed to end things.”

“He was how much older than you?”

“He was eight years older.” You turned back to face him.

“Do you always go for older guys?”

You laughed a little at his question. “Umm, no. I’ve been with younger guys as well.”

“Well that’s good to know.” He said quietly.

“Is it now?” You challenged with a cheeky tone in your voice.

“Considering the fact that I’m two years younger than you.” You smiled back at him. “It’s good news to hear.” You blushed slightly at his words. He was smirking at you slightly, obviously enjoying your reaction to his words.

You’d been surprised by how easy being around Lando felt. You’d been talking for hours which normally being a massive introvert you found quite difficult with people you didn’t really know.

“Right then, your turn.” You said, bringing your legs up to sit crossed legged on the chair slightly twisting your body to face Lando more. “Your last relationship, what happened?”

“Ummm, well she ended it.” He started, your head tilted slightly at his words. “There was a lot of outside pressure from media and..” He paused almost like he was reluctant to continue. “Well my fans to be honest.” You nodded slowly at his words. “She just decided it was too much.”

“That’s rough, I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good, it was a couple years ago now. We’re still friends, there’s no bad blood ya know? It just wasn’t right.”

“Yeah that’s good.”

“Unlike yours I’m guessing?” He questioned with a slight devious tone.

“What my ex?” Your eyebrows scrunched at his words. “Yeah no, theres some fucking bad blood there for sure.” He laughed.

You were distracted when your phone lit up on the table in front of you with a notification displaying the time. “Jesus Lando! It’s 12:20 am!”

“Is it really?” His laughter stopped. You both locked eyes in silence before bursting out laughing.

“Oh my god, I’ve got to get home! I have work in 7 hours, for fucks sake.”

“Let me call you a cab.”

“That’s okay, I can just order an ub-”

“I’m calling you a cab.” He reached out his hand after rising up from the chair. You picked up your phone and grabbed his hand, allowing you to help you to your feet. He didn’t let go only led you back inside his apartment.

___

Lando received a call stating that the cab he ordered had arrived so now you were both stood by his front door before you left.

“What are your plans this weekend?” He asked as you stood in front of him fiddling with your fingers.

“Umm, I don’t think anything really. Why?”

“It’s the Silverstone Grand Prix this weekend..will you come?”

You looked at him for a moment. “You mean like all the days?”

“Ideally..yeah?”

“So from Thursday to Sunday?”

“Yes.” He said with a hopeful look on his face.

“Let me speak to my manager and see if I can get Thursday and Friday off, but I’d need to look at booking a hotel and then travel arrangements there and the-”

“Don’t worry about any of that.” He reached out and grabbed your hands. “Just get the days off and I’ll sort everything else out.”

Your body went all tingly at his touch and you took in a deep breath as you looked into his eyes. “Okay.” You said quietly, scared to disturb the moment. Next thing you knew Lando was tugging you towards him gently until you were mere inches from him. You could feel his breath on your face as you looked up to him through your eyelashes.

“I’ll call you tomorrow?” He whispered, you just nodded in response. He started to move toward you slowly, waiting to see if you might pull away. You moved to close the distance and your lips met in a gentle kiss. His hands left yours and found their way around your waist, moving to hold your back as he pulled you into him. You placed yours on his chest and you grabbed your t-shirt in your fists. The kiss was gentle, but passionate. Your lips moving together perfectly.

When you pulled away he rested his forehead against yours. “Will you message me when you get home please?” He asked still holding you in his arms. Tracing small circles on your back with his thumb.

“Of course.” You smiled. “But I really do have to go now.” He let out a gentle laugh before placing one more kiss to your lips and reluctantly letting you go. He opened up the front door and you began to leave. “Bye Lando.”

“Bye Ellie.” You turned to walk away and gave him one final glance as you turned the corner and headed for the lift.

___

You were biting your little finger as you waited for Lando to answer the call.

‘Hey.’ Sounded through the phone.

‘Hey Lando.’ You smiled. ‘So I spoke with my manager and all good for Thursday and Friday.’

‘Perfect, Okay. Leave everything with me and I will get all the details sorted.’ He sounded ecstatic and it made your heart flutter at the thought. ‘I meant to say, is there anyone you’d like to bring with you? I want you to be comfortable and if having a friend there would make it easi-‘

‘No no, its all good.’ You cut him off. He was already doing too much

‘Are you sure?”

‘Yes Lando, I’m sure. Plus I’ll just chill with Zak.’ You joked. His laugh came through the phone and you smiled again.

‘Okay, I’m gonna get everything sorted. Text me your email and I’ll send everything through there.’

‘Okay will do.’

‘You’ve just made my whole day you know?’

You blushed. ‘Glad I could be of assistance.’

‘Right, now get back to work…slacker.’

You scoffed at him. ‘Bye Lan.’

‘Bye Ellie.’ You hung up the call and went to text him your email address when a message from appeared on your screen.

Lando: Did you just call me Lan?

You closed your eyes and groaned. It slipped out without you even realising.

Ellie: …maybe

Lando: Cute.

Lando: Ell.

Ellie: Leave me to my work please, you’re incredibly distracting.

#lando norris #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #lando norris gif #lando norris one shot #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #formula 1 one shot #formula one imagine #formula one one shot #f1 fanfic #f1 ima #f1 one shot

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sorchathered · 1 year ago

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Heartbreaks & Happy Birthdays

Happy sleepover Saturday y’all, I thought I’d kick it off with a miracle, yes you are seeing this right I wrote a fic for Bradley! @roosterforme I know you are somewhere victory dancing 😂. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Pairing- Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x reader

Warnings- drinking, allusions to smut, language, angst.

Summary- you throw Bradley a birthday party and it ends in disaster, can you move past it or is it time to let him go?

It had started out as such a good weekend, for the life of him he couldn’t figure out when it went wrong.

Bradley had turned 40 on Thursday and you’d agreed to spend the weekend with him, getting off of work early Thursday to cook his favorite dinner (a recipe of Carole’s you’d found in storage) and treating him to a fancy new lingerie set that had been an absolute hit, you even let him take some pictures and videos for his next deployment which he couldn’t wait to watch over and over again on nights when he couldn’t hold you close. You were his sweet quiet girl and although the two of you couldn’t be more different it just made sense when you were together, he brought out a side of you that no one else could, he was a live wire, his bright smile and infectious energy captivated everyone who interacted with him but when he was with you? It was like puzzle pieces snapping in to place, a perfect mix of yin and yang that just fit seamlessly.

You and a few members of his squad had been planning him a surprise party for weeks, you’d mostly let Phoenix handle all the invites and had thrown yourself into decorating and finding a caterer, even Jake had helped by asking one of his buddies to dj for the night, the country club the boys played golf at had graciously let you rent the conference room and it was sure to be an evening to remember.

Friday night came and you had convinced him that he was just going out for dinner at the restaurant in the clubhouse with a few of his friends, dressed in a floral button down with some black slacks he looked like he’d stepped right out of a magazine, you were having trouble keeping your thoughts together as he pulled into the lot in his shiny blue bronco, swollen biceps stretching the soft material from all the pushups he’d been doing lately. You hadn’t even realized he’d been talking to you until he stroked your cheek, eyebrow cocked and a knowing smile on his face, of course he could see right through you, he knew you’d been checking him out. “Oh Bradley I’m so sorry, I don’t know where my head was, what did you say?” He chuckled as he unbuckled you and pulled you across the bench seat by your waist, rucking up the sides of your sundress as you went, using his massive left hand to curl around your jaw and the back of your neck as he kissed you breathless, running the other hand up your back and shoulder as he ran his tongue along your lips and you opened for him with a breathy moan, tongues tangled together and reducing you to a puddle. He pulled away much sooner than you would have liked, causing a whine to tear from your throat as you chased his lips. “I know it, I’m gonna take my time with you later sweetness but you did all this planning for dinner so let’s go eat and then I can have my dessert.”

When you made a sharp turn towards the conference room he scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, but quickly realized what you were up to as the doors were thrown open to everyone yelling surprise at him. He’d never had a surprise party, hell he hadn’t had a birthday party since he was a kid, he couldn’t believe that everyone had pulled this together under his nose, the boys quickly drug him away for a drink and you and Phoenix just laughed at how excited he looked. It looked like just about everyone Bradley worked with was here, including quite a few people you’d never seen before, but it was expected really; your boyfriend never seemed to meet a stranger and that much was evident by the wall to wall crowd dancing the night away. Somehow he’d pulled you into the middle of the dance floor, twirling you around the floor and kissing you breathless amongst the sweaty bodies and flashing lights, it should have been overwhelming but he always seemed to make you feel comfortable in the most vulnerable situations.

You finally excused yourself and headed for the rest room, you were sure you looked a mess and as you checked yourself over in the mirror you were definitely right. Kiss swollen lips and smudged lipstick, hair all in disarray and you giggled to yourself at the thought of what was to come later that night. As you stepped into the stall you heard a group coming in behind you, no doubt doing the same as you but when you heard them talking you realized they were gossiping about you. “I really don’t get it, she’s a librarian or something right? Could she be any more boring looking?” One said to the other and you could hear her friend agreeing, “I mean at least when you guys were hooking up it made sense, you both have so much in common, I’m sure he’ll get bored eventually Lisa don’t even worry about it, she can’t honestly think they’re going to last.”

You were so humiliated, had you really come off as plain and uninteresting? Was Bradley bored of you? You thought things were going so well and yes you had honestly been thinking about what a future with him might hold, it had only been six months but you’d never felt so loved by anyone. Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes as you waited for them to leave, finally it got quiet and the booming music filtered through the room as someone opened the door, unlocking the stall you made your way out of the door only to realize the girl who had apparently hooked up with your boyfriend was still preening over herself in the mirror. You swiped your eyes with a tissue as you felt your skin flush and prickle, knowing her eyes were on you. She capped her lipstick and fussed with her hair, giving you a once over as she stepped towards the door. “No offense sweet pea, you seem nice but what Bradley needs is someone wild; a big personality to match his and you just aren’t that. You won’t be enough, he needs more than just a quiet wallflower to keep his attention, I’d enjoy it while it lasts if I were you.”

It felt like you’d been slapped, you couldn’t even bring yourself to respond as more tears came, you needed to get out of here; the room was spinning and you couldn’t get a deep breath, you stumbled out into the crowded space only to see that same girl with her hand on Bradley’s arm, you didn’t stick around to see anything else, your heart couldn’t bear it. Opening the ride share app you typed in your address and thanked the stars that there was only a two minute wait, typing out a half ass apology about feeling sick to Bradley and Natasha as you cried all the way home.

By the time Bradley got your message you were long gone, he had been wandering around looking for you but no one seemed to know where you’d been. He stepped outside and called you immediately but it went to voicemail, trying again with the same result. He messaged you ask if you needed him to come to you, but you replied that he should enjoy the party and that you needed to sleep, and as torn as he was he trusted that everything was ok, promising to bring you breakfast in the morning and spend the day with you. You’d cried until you couldn’t anymore and then had the worst sleep you’d had in ages, waking up to a pounding headache and knocking at your door. It was nearly 10 am, you weren’t the sleeping in type and when you checked your phone you had a litany of missed calls and texts. You groaned as you trudged down the hall to your door, not bothering to see who it was before you opened it, only to be met with the honey brown eyes of your ridiculously handsome boyfriend, coffee and a donut from your favorite shop in hand as he looked you over. “Oh baby you look like you feel awful, come on let’s get you back in bed, dr. Bradshaw has exactly what you need.” He’d said with a wink, he was acting as though everything was normal but you couldn’t bring yourself to reciprocate, just shrugging lightly and letting him usher you back to bed.

You’d let him in and settled into bed with him as he turned on a movie, but your smile wasn’t meeting your eyes and he could barely get a word out of you. He was really starting to worry that he’d done something wrong, but no matter how he wracked his brain he was coming up with nothing.

He’d told you once that when you smiled at him it was like you held all the answers in the universe in that one look, like you could solve any problem with a kiss and make everything ok. He wanted to be that for you, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what was wrong. You’d all but turned away from him in bed and fallen asleep halfway through the movie, leaving him even more confused than before, you’d planned him an elaborate party and now you wanted nothing to do with him? What the hell was going on?

When you woke a few hours later you felt more yourself, but turning over in bed to find it empty sent worry through you all over again. “Bradley?” You called as you came down the hall, hearing the drone of the tv you sighed in relief as you found him texting on his phone while some basketball game played in the background. He gave you a small smile and held his arms out for you, but you hesitated; and he noticed. “Ok, you gotta talk to me baby I’m completely lost here, what is going on with you? We were aces yesterday and now you don’t want to touch me, I can’t fix it if I don’t know why it’s broken honey, you gotta give me something.” Your eyes welled up with tears again as you plopped down on the couch, if Bradley had been confused he was even more so now. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I know I probably ruined everything. I know I’m not the prettiest or the most fun to hang out with but I want so badly to be enough for you and I’m worried that you’ll get tired of me.” You couldn’t meet his gaze, and he was looking at you like you’d grown a third eye, his handsome features scrunched up in confusion as he tried to process what you meant. “Baby have I been making you feel like that? Shit if I have I’m so sorry-“

“Wha-no! You haven’t at all, it’s just there was this girl last night at the party, she said you guys had dated and that I wasn’t your type, and then I saw you talking with her at the party and I just- I couldn’t stand it. Thinking that I was holding you back from being who you are, I never want to be that to you.” You were staring very intently at your hands when you saw his come in to view and wrap them around you, pulling you to face him. “That girl that you’re talking about, was it Lisa?” You nodded and he rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw so hard it looked like he might snap it. “Honey I never dated her, we had a drunken hookup one time and I told her she wasn’t my type, I don’t know what the hell she said to you but she’s dead wrong. You’re everything to me, and if you’d waited around long enough last night you would’ve seen the surprise I had planned for you.”

Now it was your turn to look confused, why would he have planned something for you on his birthday? But as you looked up at him he knelt on the floor, producing a small box from his pocket. “I mean it sweet girl, you’re everything I want and I had planned on asking you this last night but you vaporized before I got the chance. I don’t need some wild free spirit, I need someone to keep me on solid ground, someone who loves me for who I really am and not the persona I have to put out to everyone around me. I want quiet nights and dancing in the kitchen and maybe one day a house full of little ones but I want it with you. So if you still want that, will you be my wife?” He was crying now too, this perfect man was everything you’d ever dreamed of and you’d nearly let something so trivial take it from you. You didn’t have to think of an answer, surging forward into his arms as you both toppled to the floor, laughing and kissing as he placed his mother’s engagement ring on your finger. All he needed was right here, warmth and love and happiness, he couldn’t think of a better birthday present than you.

Tagging🏷️- @attapullman @mamachasesmayhem @sailor-aviator @bobgasm @bradshawssugarbaby @sebsxphia @roosterforme @sarahsmi13s @hangmansgbaby @goldenseresinretriever @mynameismckenziemae

#top gun maverick #top gun maverick fanfiction #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster x y/n #bradley rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #rooster x you #top gun rooster #rooster x reader #rooster top gun #rooster bradshaw fic #sorchathered’s 300 follower celebration #300 follower sleepover

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jakeyt · 1 year ago

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Covet: Chapter 11 (Part 2 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great.

Was.

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home.

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in.

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; EMDR (VIVID intro to revisiting traumatic situations); crying + feelings of sadness; heart issues (POTs); use of heart monitors; dangerously high heart rate; implied abusive situations; derogatory verbiage from past abuser; implied drug use; very unsanitary living conditions; visits to safe place; usage of containment strategy * * * revisited, vivid memories of sexual encounters; body changes as a result of pregnancy; talks of baby + pregnancy; pregnancy hormones (+ continuing to act on them ;)); reader and jake continue to be STUBBORN; cheating; heavy petting; forgetfulness (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 11 (Part 2) Word Count: 23.9k+

a/n: i broke my promise, i know. :( i feel absolutely fucking terrible that i made you all wait, but life happens. :'( i wish this story was my main priority/job, but alas...that dream is not a reality. i need you all to know: when i say i'm going to do something, i fully intend on it, but...life (and crippling adhd + anxiety).

i am so incredibly sorry, my lovely readers. :(

also, life update to blame (only if you care to read). BUT, on top of trying to get my house completely cleaned/shit thrown away, i officially had to empty out my classroom (see also: due to toxic work enviro, i had to leave the career i've wanted to live out since i was six y/o). so, i'm currently in the process of completely shifting careers (going from one emotionally taxing career to another, but that is apparently the type of job my heart desires lol).

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits <3 i love you to the ends of the earth, lis. you're my person. <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

"I covet truth; beauty is unripe childhood's cheat; I leave it behind with the games of youth."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

-🌼🌼🌼-

Monday

December 12, 2022

“So, any news on the baby since I last saw you?” Gia started, a sure smile on her face that helped ease you. “You had your second appointment on Thursday, right?”

“No,” you shook your head. “Dr. Rose wanted to just wait until closer to Week 18 so we could find out the gender at one session rather than having to wait between week 16 and week 18. Knock everything out at once,” you explained, clearing your throat. Looking around the office, you admired the pieces of floral art littering the walls, as you always did. “We’re going this Friday now.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Gia asked, raising a brow. She was rolling to her desk, getting the (seemingly) last thing she needed for your session today and placing it in her lap. “Not stressed about putting it off?”

“No, actually. I’m not stressed at all,” you acknowledged, sticking your lip out in thought. You hadn’t even thought to be stressed yet. Progress? Sure seemed like it. “It’s strange; the longer time passes, the bigger I get. . . The worries just aren’t as prevalent. It’s like I can feel that the baby is okay.”

“Not strange at all, babe,” Gia reassured with a shake of her head. Her platinum blonde hair was wavy today, framing her angular face perfectly. “Completely normal for new mothers to sort of get used to the pregnancy enough to feel at peace, per se. And I am so proud of you for getting to that point.”

“Well thanks,” you grinned crookedly, trying your best to settle into the worn, camel-colored leather of her sofa. “Can’t say the same for today’s session though. . . I am nervous about it.”

Gia waved it away, showing you a look of ease on her stark features. “No need. You’re the one in control, girly,” she winked, placing both white-sneakered feet on the ground.

She reached in her desk drawer for the little pouch, the familiar one that you knew held the device you’d be using today. A sudden wave of nerves began to crash over you as she unzipped it, revealing it and the paddles that would be the catalyst in placing your brain. . .elsewhere— somewhere.

Somewhere bad? Good? In-between?

“Here’s the plan,” she started, wheeling her chair closer to the couch, where you were trying your damnedest to sit comfortably. “We’ll start with your safe place to give you some sense of peace and stability — gotta make sure it’s still fresh and open in your mind.”

You watched as she turned the knob of the device, the little green light beginning to blink to notate that it’s on. “Then,” she continued, situating the device to look it over before her green eyes settled back on you. “Once you feel comfortable, I’ll tell you to begin walking away. Whatever direction you’d like to go, it’s completely up to you.”

Gia held the paddles out in front of you, and with clammy, shaky palms, you tentatively took hold of them. One in each hand, just like last time.

You couldn’t stop worrying about where you’d end up, where you’d walk away to. Walking away from your beautiful field, from Jake. . . What if you couldn’t do it?

“Will I. . .,” you cleared your throat, nervous. “If where I go is too hard, do I just—,” you panicked, unable to properly finish your sentence due to an onslaught of nerves. “What will I do?”

You were fumbling with your words and clarity, before she interjected, knowing just where your mind was going. “I’ll simply tell you to walk back to your safe place. I’ll be talking you through it, I’ll be right here the whole time — just gotta keep your ears open for me,” she winked, clicking open her iPad and testing her Apple pencil on the screen, readying to take notes.

“And, if at any point I see your body language change to indicate any distress, I’ll guide you back to your safe place, okay?” She soothingly told you the words, her full pink lips widening to a sweet smile, clicking her pencil into its spot at the top of her iPad case. “Remember, my specialized area is EMDR. I’ve done it multiple times before this – successfully. I plan to complete this successfully with you, too, y/n.”

When you gave her a small, timid smile, she took that as an indicator to continue on with her little speech. The tiny faux grin on your otherwise concerned face was the most emotion you could muster in that moment.

“It will hurt from time to time. I can’t take that away. It will be harder than most other things you’ve ever had to do.” She paused, her own brows curving to show care for your rigid state. Gia reached forward to unwrap your hands from the paddles gently. Once she had a hold on your hands, she rubbed the backs of them reassuringly, her thumbs so soft with their intricate patterns. You looked down to study the patterns, working to focus on something else and rid yourself of the nerves.

“Y/n.” She stated your name, making you look up at her. Her seafoam-colored eyes grabbed yours. “Before we begin. . . I want to make sure – once more – that you are sure about this . . . that you want to continue. We’ve talked about it a lot, but I want you to be sure. There are other routes of therapy. . .”

“No,” you replied, completely sure of your decision. “No. I want to do this. I promise I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want to change my mind,” you rushed out, desperate for her to understand you. “I’m just–just scared. Is that not okay?”

You didn’t mean to sound defensive, but your biting tone contradicted that. The nerves were wracking you, from the inside out.

Luckily, Gia seemed unphased, keeping with her featherlight touch to the backs of your hands. “It absolutely is okay to be scared,” she confirmed, tone firm and soft all at once. “But, I need you to keep in mind: you are in charge this time. You have the power. We will approach these places in the now – you are in the driver’s seat of conquering these past battles. We’re in this together, love – and we will make it out stronger and better than before we started.”

Her voice assured you, of course. But the fear was still ever-present.

Sure, you did have control. But what if you couldn’t control where you went?

Where would you go? That was what scared you most. Your mind was bound to let loose. It was one telling part of this sort of therapy. You didn’t really know what had been hiding deep in the drawers of the credenza in your mind. . .

Hence you being here.

You just knew, whatever it was lying beneath the surface — you knew it was. . . a lot.

Then, as if she could hear the additional fearful thoughts swimming in your brain, she grasped your hands tighter in hers, moving to rub her thumbs over the tops of your knuckles. “You’ll be just fine. We’ve got a solid plan, babe. I just need you to trust me, and I need you to trust yourself. If you need to walk away, tell me and we’ll do it. That is in our power – your power.” Her pristinely white, pearly teeth were on display as she looked deep into your worried eyes. “We can do this, okay?”

We. I’m not alone.

You’d never had a single doubt about Gia. Of course you trusted her. But. . .maybe the true problem was trusting yourself. . . Over the past several months, you were finding that to be a bit more difficult.

But, Gia was right. You had to put some trust in yourself to know when you needed to step away. You could do it. You had to.

And knowing that she had a plan and had done it so many times before. . . Those were relieving thoughts, to say the very least. She knew what she was doing, and she knew what was best for you.

I can do this, you recited to yourself. I can. . .

You sighed, out of both relief and persistent worry. “I trust you,” you told her, another somewhat forced smile following your words. “And I’ll learn to trust myself. . . I’ll try my best,” you grinned sheepishly. “We’ve got this.”

“Good deal,” she responded with a far more sincere smile than you could offer. “There’s just one more thing we need to do before we get started.”

She clicked her iPad closed, wheeling back toward her desk, reaching down in the same drawer she pulled the device from. Only this time, she pulled out a large legal style, white notepad, and a large box of Crayola markers. Lastly, she grabbed a flawlessly sharpened pencil from the ceramic baby blue jar, covered in white roses, next to her keyboard.

What could she be up to? You wondered, eyebrows drawn together.

“I need you to describe something for me, something visual to lock any horrible memory away in.” She took a sip of her tea, which sat atop her desk, before she stood up from her chair. She came to sit directly next to you on her couch. The smell of eucalyptus that swirled off of her, from her perfume, was soothing. “You need to give it lots of detail, make it unique. I’ll even draw it for you,” she held up the notepad, pointing to it with a gentle smile. “Seeing it visually will help you when it’s time to lock the memories away mentally. Some people want a box, a filing cabinet, a treasure chest,” she laughed, and you giggled at that one, too. Jake would love that one. Buried treasure, like his pirate documentaries. . . “Whatever you want. You just tell me exactly what you want it to look like.”

Something about this felt a little silly, but you understood the purpose for it. Just having a place to put the memories after you visited them, it felt like closure. A special sort of closure at the end of every session, just like your safe place felt like closure. . .

And then, you knew what you wanted it to look like. Saw the image, clear as day, in your mind. It felt significant to you, it felt right. There was no question.

But, you had a thought.

“Would–would it be okay if I drew it?” You questioned carefully.

She eagerly handed you the notepad, markers and pen with a huge smile. “Absolutely. That’s called trusting yourself big time, girly. This box is a special one!” Her voice was wet as she sniffled. “I’m not supposed to get so emotional with my clients, but I’m proud of you. You’re making great strides and we’ve barely started.”

“Thanks,” you replied, feeling a bit encouraged, your own throat tight as you reviewed her once more with a glance.

Then, sticking the tip of your tongue out from the corner of your mouth, you looked down at the paper, and began.

A small, wooden box was all you could see in your mind. So, you drew it out, as best you could, given your lack of artistic abilities.

One side, then the other, the bottom, the top. . .

Before you knew it, you had a perfect, rectangular box on the stripped notebook paper. Then, it was time for the important part: the details.

There was only one element that felt right — felt safe — to decorate the box with.

Scouring through the markers, you found two perfect shades of purple at the bottom — two very different shades, to add depth. You weren’t an artist, really, but you could pretend for the box’s sake.

Then, you searched for the greenest green you could find. One more marker in a shade of dark brown, and you were ready to draw the box exactly as you saw it in your mind.

You began drawing tiny individual stalks of lavender on top of the box. You filled in their blooms with the purples, drawing their stems underneath with the green. Their placement may have seemed scattered across the top, but you kept going. To you, it made sense. And that was all that mattered.

One bloom in the top left corner, one diagonal from it in the bottom right corner. Then, there was one on the bottom left going straight up and down, with a slight curve to the stem. . . And one more, laying on its side directly in the middle. . .

It was perfect. Just as you’d imagined.

You filled in the blank spaces with the brown marker, immulating the antiqued, stained mahogany wood you were envisioning.

And once you filled it all in, your vision had come to life right before your own eyes. It was the ideal picture of what you saw, and despite the fact that you were no artist, it was beautiful. You loved it. Looking at it forced emotions you weren’t expecting, so many big emotions that begged to be surfaced.

And for whatever reason, looking at it made you think of the baby. This beautiful, hand drawn box held a strange connection to the life you and Jake had created, though you couldn’t explain how. . .

But, you felt it. You felt it so strongly.

“Lavender means a lot to you, doesn’t it?” Gia asked you, smiling and wiping away a stray tear that sat on top of her highlighted cheekbone. “It’s very lovely, y/n. And I’m so glad that you drew it.”

You contemplated her question about lavender. You’d never considered just how prevalent it was in all of your happy places. . . But, it was. It meant so much. . .

Who knew that such a simple plant could bring you so much comfort? So much peace?

A tear came to your eye at the thought of how special the plant had become to you. . . It was really no secret why it’d become special.

Gia leaned over, giving you a small side hug, but didn’t linger before making her way back to her chair. She sat at the edge of it, elbows placed on both knees as she clasped her hands at the front.

“How are we feeling?” She asked, sniffling once more as she looked you directly in the eyes. “A little better now that we have our box?”

“Yes,” you nodded, wiping under your eye to rid yourself of any tears. “The box idea is genius.”

“The technical term is containment. Again, it’s simply where the client creates a space to store the distressing memories. I want to emphasize that the memories aren’t coming back to control you, rather you’re the one controlling them. And, the box’s containment of the unpleasant memories gives you a little extra control over these memories and the emotions attached to them. They’re yours to deal with,” she explained softly. “You done with the notebook and pens?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded eagerly, handing the materials back to her. You went over her words in your head, extra control. . . the idea of that sounded wonderful to you. Those words aided in lifting a decent amount of weight from your nervous body.

She took the materials from you, and as she did so, you decided to take the paddles in your hands once more, feeling much more confident.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, rolling back in her tufted chair to put the markers and pencils back on the desk. “I definitely can’t take credit for the idea of containing those horrendous memories in a certain area. . . but it has proven wonderfully effective for every client I’ve practiced this form of therapy with,” she explained further, coming back to sit in front of you, wheeling smoothly back towards you. When she was about two feet away from you, she stopped and observed the picture of your box, the notepad still in her lap. “Do you have a clear idea of the box in your mind?”

“The clearest,” you affirmed, no question in your mind of the precise placement of each piece of lavender. The exact color of mahogany that you’d depicted for the wood, sealed in your brain.

“Wonderful. Well, I’m going to hold it so I can get a good idea of it; just in case you need help finding it at any point,” she said, eyes scanning the page as she spoke. “I’d love to see this in real life – it’s gorgeous.”

“I think so, too,” you grinned, eyes twinkling. And, suddenly, your body felt light in a way that could only indicate one thing. . . you knew there was no time like the present. “I’m ready.”

Gia looked up at your words, her own eyes donning a spark as she tucked the notepad onto her lap. “If you’re ready, I’m ready,” she smiled kindly, her eyes trustworthy and open for opportunity. “First things first. Make yourself as comfortable as you need to. Sit, lay down. . . it’s up to you.”

You kept yourself upright on the couch, allowing yourself to sink back into its cushions a bit more. And for some reason, the thought of crossing your legs, criss-cross applesauce came to mind. So, you did just that, bringing your legs up to the couch and criss-crossing one over the other. You looked at your belly as you did. A timid grin crept along your lips at the thought of knowing you didn't have much longer until you’d no longer be able to do this.

Thank you, sweet baby.

With one deep breath in, you felt your stiff limbs loosen with the comfort of the new position you found yourself in. And with the exhale, you looked down at the paddles in your hands, holding them probably a bit too tight as you felt your nails digging into your clammy palms. Still yet, you kept your grip, somehow feeling a bit more secure that way.

“Nice and comfy?” Gia asked, her warm, knowing smile aiding in relaxing your body even more.

You looked down at your hands, smoothing your thumbs over the cool plastic of the paddles. You knew this was it, that this could begin to change a lot; it could change everything. The thought of change was a frightening one, but with this change would come a healing journey like you’d never known. For you, for the baby, for Jake, even. . .

“As I’ll ever be,” you confidently answered. You were ready to embark on this expedition of mending.

“Perfect,” she said, her voice soft, reassuring. “Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths. Let yourself relax.”

You did as she said, and with one breath in through your nose and blowing it slowly out of your mouth, you closed your eyes.

You felt your chest rise and fall with each breath. You began to breathe deeper and easier the longer your eyes were closed.

“Good job.” You heard her sweet voice, feeling comforted by the simple fact that you knew she was still with you. Though you could no longer see her, you felt her. And that was more than enough. “I’ll start the paddles off slowly, just like last time. Turning them on in 3, 2. . .”

Your body instinctively jolted at the light humming sensation you felt against your palms, your eyes closing a little tighter. But, you quickly remembered the feeling from last time and it didn’t take you very long to get used to it. You even found a little relief in the alternating vibrations. Their consistent rhythm worked to ease your mind. Your eyes, though still closed, instinctively followed in the back and forth motion of the pulsations in your palms.

“Does this speed feel okay?” You heard her ask, her voice suddenly becoming more distant as you let yourself focus on the steady thrumming of the paddles.

“Yes,” you whispered, the sound of your voice echoing as though you were in a long, narrow tunnel. “Feels good.”

“We’ll start with establishing your safe place, y/n. Go ahead and start walking to it. Lead the way.”

My safe place.

Suddenly, as though the mere mention of it had some sort of ability to transcend you there, you began feeling the familiar cool breeze against your face. Faint sounds of the birds singing in the forest of trees filled your ears, becoming a bit louder as you found your footing against the lightly dampened grass beneath your feet. “The birds,” you felt yourself say. “They’re singing, their chirps are becoming clearer now.”

“Wonderful.” Her voice was heard all around you, echoing against the wind. “Tell me what you see.”

Your eyes, still physically shut, began to open in your mind. They squinted at the bright, warm rays from the sun. And as you turned your face upwards toward the sky, you could feel the radiance of the rays against your skin.

And, as you peered a few feet ahead of you, you witnessed a beautiful family of deer were perusing the lush meadow.

“The sun. . . It’s so beautiful and bright, but it doesn’t hurt to look at it,” you shared with her, squinting towards it with no negative effect, shocked by the fact. “And the deer. So innocent and pure. They’re so near to me, but not scared of me at all.”

“You’re doing amazing, y/n. Keep going, tell me what you can touch, what you can smell.” Her voice carried throughout the trees like the wind, meshing beautifully with the songs of the birds.

Bending down, you ran your fingers through the dewy blades of grass. They felt cool, soft. Like a blanket of emerald velvet. “The grass. It’s soft, a little wet.”

And then, the smells. The fragrance of freshly rain coated grass, as though an evening shower had just finished nourishing the ground before you’d arrived. The rainfall, sustaining the life of the pasture, the jude green grasses, the illustrious amethyst plant surrounding you. . .

The divine aroma from your favored flower overwhelmed your senses in the most alluring way. The bloomed field, surrounding you, holding you carefully in its gentle grasp.

“The lavender,” you felt yourself say, eagerly. “I can smell it, so fresh and clean; the sense of calm it brings me. . .”

You then felt the paddles pick up in their speed, ever so slightly, but enough that you could tell.

“Oh yes, your lavender,” Gia hushed as she positively tracked with you.

My lavender.

Gently, you sat your body down in the midst of the flowers. And once you did, you felt the urge to place your hands against your tummy, to feel the baby, just like last time.

There you are, right where you belong, you thought when you felt the smooth bump beneath your hands.

You felt nearly complete, nearly, but you knew something was still missing—someone.

And just when you started to look beyond the stems of lavender to find him, there he was.

Clad in the very same navy blue, three piece suit you’d seen him in the first time. The rays from the sun bounced off of his chestnut locks, his tanned skin radiant and glowing.

With a soft, lopsided smile, he slowly walked toward you. The vision of him, walking amongst the stalks of lavender as they gently swayed from the light breeze against his calves. . . You felt yourself sigh with relief.

This was safe. This was home.

Once he approached you in what felt like no time at all, he laid down right beside you, extending one arm out for you to join him. And as you did, letting yourself at last melt into his warm embrace, you were finally there.

Your safest place.

“I’m here now,” you muttered, feeling yourself smile warmly as you did. “And I’m safe.”

“Enjoy it for a moment, let it sink in, put yourself at ease.” You heard Gia’s voice, but the more you focused on Jake, the more distant she became.

You found yourself gazing into his eyes, sparkling like golden gems, as he cradled you in the crook of his arm.

In his amber-brown eyes, you saw your haven, your sanctuary of serenity.

A gentle smile graced his lips as he reached up, tenderly brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear. “It’s time to step away now, y/n,” he told you. Though, you knew it was truthfully Gia telling you, you heard Jake’s voice. You watched his lips move as he spoke, “You can do this. I’m right here.”

Again, you knew the words were coming from Gia. But, hearing them in his voice, as much as you didn’t want to leave him, it was the final push you needed.

It was time.

With only a bit of resistance, you sat up, slowly standing to your feet and urged yourself forward towards the unknown. When you looked back, you saw Jake standing gracefully amongst the fragrant blooms of your lavender.

Home, you thought. He looks like home.

With one final sigh, and with the most strength you were sure you’d ever mustered, you walked away from him.

Your hands found your belly for some extra courage as you stepped away, everything turning black for a moment once you got far enough. But, the further you went, a tiny, dim light caught your attention. It initially seemed like miles away, but with every step you took, it became worlds closer.

A lamp. You could finally see it. It was old, dusty. It was sitting atop a table, from what you could tell. . .

With one more step, the full picture started to come to you. You’d guessed right — it sat on top of a round, wooden table that only had one leg in the center, making it lean a little to the left. The white, canvas lampshade was stained so badly. . .

The stains were reminiscent of those that come from years of smoking cigarettes near it.

In fact, you were shocked that you could tell it had ever been white.

As the image became more clear, you saw a black ash tray next to the lamp, full of cigarette butts, all but confirming your cigarette theory. You could smell the smoke, too, as though someone had just finished one off. The stench was putrid, the chemically treated tobacco mixed disgustingly with the other trash laying on the table.

To the right, you saw a sofa. The blue cloth over the cushions, stained just like the lamp, was tattered and worn. It was full of holes. Tiny, black holes. Cigarette burns?

God, the smell was nearly becoming too much. It was so strong, potent. Cigarettes and filth. Utter filth. Filth that you suddenly began to remember being suffocated by as a child.

No wonder you liked things so pristinely clean. . .

The shag carpet beneath your feet felt like it had never been vacuumed after years of wear. It was littered with half empty beer cans, more cigarette butts, rat droppings. . .

God — the fucking smell. A triggering smell—one that had your stomach turning to the point that vomit rose in your throat.

The paddles sped up a bit more, much more noticeably this time as they forced your brain to grasp what you were experiencing.

“Tell me what you see, y/n. Tell me where you are.” It was no longer Jake’s voice that you were hearing, it was once again Gia’s. And though you missed the sound of his, you were so happy to hear her, reminding you that she was still there.

This was the past. Gia was the present. You were with Gia.

You stepped to the side, glancing around the room you were standing in, trying with all of your might to not allow the stench to make you sick.

“It’s—I’m in a living room, I think. . .?” You noticed a television set, one from the late nineties with a built-in VCR, sitting on top of a makeshift table made of three small slabs of particle board.

The more you looked around, you noticed there was only one average-sized window in the whole room, next to the white front door. The door was scuffed to hell and looked ready to give at any second. The blinds attached to the window were ripped to shreds, hardly hanging onto the frame.

“Y-yeah, it’s a living room. It’s. . .It was our living room. One of them, at least. I’m fully beginning to. . . To recognize it. . .”

You’d lived in so many homes as a child, seen many living rooms. But this one, this home and the walls surrounding you. . .this one was different. While most homes from your childhood didn’t leave you with happy memories, this one felt—evil. This had been a personal hell.

Anxiety, heavy sadness. . . this room was wrought with it.

And as you heard a certain laugh, deep and throaty, from the next room over, your stomach churned and your mind went fuzzy. That sound. It was vile and thick with too many years of smoking. That particular laugh was associated with ugliness and gut-wrenching fear.

The man that the laugh was attached to. . . This was his house. You remembered that now. There was no safety here. This place was only associated with feeling powerless, forgotten, and lonely.

The paddles wiggled in your hands, the vibrations reaching your worn nerves.

Elsie was here, though. Somewhere. You knew that.

And Elsie had helped in making it less lonely — just knowing she was in this past-tense moment filled you with ease. Your sister was here.

Though, you knew for past Elsie, she was still trapped. Even though she comforted this adult version of you that was invading. . . there was still no escape for little girl Elsie.

This place had been desolate, with no chance for escape. You’d been tied here by invisible rope.

Fuck. Where was your sister? You could feel her near, but she wasn’t in the living room with you. Your skin prickled at what she could be experiencing. . . You couldn’t fully wrap your brain around it.

But this was the past. Right now, you just needed to focus on your surroundings.

Living room. The living room.

Your mind was quickly skirting back to your present placement. And, rather than standing, you suddenly realized you were sitting on the ground. Strangely, your hands in the memory were free of the paddles, tucked safely in your lap, shaking. . . And not daring to touch the dirty, shaggy carpet.

For a split second, you wondered. . . Why were you not sitting on the couch or a chair? And why were you sitting in a place you felt you couldn’t move from? Was this how you’d been placed originally? In the past?

You observed the wobbly dinner table in front of you and realized it had zero chairs. And on a second glance around the room, you noticed something you hadn’t before. . . a sleeping form on the couch.

So, it seemed, with the occupied couch being the only other piece of furniture in the living room besides the table. . . the floor had been your only option.

You used the unconscious state of the room’s other occupant to your advantage and turned a bit to observe the person. The person’s face wasn’t visible and their body was covered in a blanket filled with holes and torn more than it wasn’t. But. . . You could see hair.

Blonde. Yellow-blonde. Box-dyed with the cheapest dye.

Long hair, ratty and knotted to the point of almost no fixing it. The way the strands shone a little bit under the dim lighting from the old, dusty lamp showed you it was very oily as well. . . It wasn’t a healthy shine.

The person on the couch, from what you could see, was far from healthy in any capacity. The body looked malnourished through the blanket’s holes. At closer inspection, you noticed an arm dangling off the sofa, peeking from the blanket.

The arm was littered in tiny holes and scars. . . from heroin injections, multiple cigarette burns. . . Then there was the red, irritated acne that littered the pale skin, between the various marks.

Poor thing. What a dreaded way to live life. . . Your heart broke in your chest and tears sprung to your tired eyes as your hand clutched at your tummy.

You could do that in the memory. You were you in the present, yet placed like you’d been in the past. . . so weird.

All you knew was you had a sense to protect the untouched life in your womb. The feeling of being a protector to your child was unparalleled to anything in this moment. . . You would never let the little life inside of you bear witness to anything like you had as a child. . .

Like your current situation.

Or, past situation, rather. . . This was not real. Not in the present. This was controlled — controllable.

The paddles jolted in your real hands, helping you to center you.

“Y/n,” Gia’s voice broke through your psyche, touching your brain delicately. You let out a sigh of relief at the sound of her soft spoken tone. “Can you hear me, girly?”

You nodded, but weren’t sure if she could see it or if the action was only visible in your dreamlike stupor. This was so weird. . .

So, you decided to respond the best you could with words. “Y—yeah,” you stuttered out, blinking rapidly as you tried (and failed) to keep tears at bay. “This is. . . So familiar, yet so forgotten. . .,” your voice faded out.

Your eyes in the memory were now pinched shut, trying to keep the laughter you could still hear from the kitchen (because, yes, you somehow knew exactly where it was coming from) far away.

But it just seemed to be getting closer. . .

“Tell me where you are, y/n,” Gia requested, soothing, yet strong. “Take me with you. You are going to be okay.”

“I—I can’t—,” gasping, you shook your head.

Willing the menacing, thick chuckle to fade, you squinted your eyes open slowly, tried to refocus on the living room to tell Gia what you could. Your hands still held your belly, but your thighs came closer to your chest. You wanted to scrunch up and stay in your bubble.

“Y/n.”

Your blood ran cold and your skin prickled harshly with goosebumps. Fear. Terror. Dread.

The voice wasn’t Gia’s. It wasn’t Jake’s. No. It was coming from behind you. The person on the couch. The worn down, baby blue fabric couch. The navy blue patterns of it, a distant memory, washing back quickly like a flood. . .

This was definitely a memory. A real thing that had happened in the past. This had happened before. It was deeply repressed.

A dark memory. Bad. So, so bad.

You felt dirty for more reasons than one now. . .

Looking down, you noticed your outfit had changed. Though you still looked as you currently did in 2022, you were wearing an outfit you had as a child. The attire made your skin crawl.

This pajama set, you were made to wear it more often than not.

A tiny, satin set. Too small for you to properly fit into. How old were you? Nine? Ten? Was this right before you went to live with. . .?

“Pig.”

No. Not that nickname. No no no.

You hadn’t heard that since your mother had called you–.

The person on the couch.

“Piggy.”

Did you have it in yourself to face her? Could you? What would happen if you didn’t? No. No.

You had to. The baby, safe in your belly. . . that baby needed a mom who could face her demons and not fall to them.

. . .Fall to them like the shell of a woman, on the couch behind you, had fallen to hers.

You felt crippled with fear, but brave beyond comparison all at once. . .

The steady tremors from the paddles in your hands were the best help you could’ve had in the moment, reminding you of your power. . .

And, once you’d given yourself the strength to swivel your body to meet her eyes. . . there she was.

A woman whose face had become a shadow since she’d left you. The moment she’d left you. . .a mess of snot and tears, head throbbing as it laid on Elsie’s shoulder, desperate to understand a mother that had never seemed to love you.

Your eyes were her eyes. Thankfully, that was about where the similarities in your features stopped.

She was paler than you. Her lips, thin and cracked from lack of hydration where yours were full. Her cheekbones were sharp and protruded more than they should. . . Your cheekbones, defined, yet concealed under soft skin you took very good care of . . .

And her face. . . It also lacked freckles. You had the tiniest spatter of light freckles that sat at the tops of your cheeks. Your freckles, mimicking angel kisses, which stayed mostly hidden save for the summertime when they’d make an appearance after exposure from the sun. Her skin was washed out, lacking color. It was as if she hadn’t even been exposed to the sun for a long, long time. . .

Perhaps you might’ve looked more like her than you could tell at this moment. But, right now, all you saw was a sunken face, holding more wrinkles and lines than a woman her age should hone. And, her eyes, even if they looked like yours initially, were glassy and hollow from too many drugs. . .

Right now, they held uncertainty and a rage that was becoming more and more apparent the longer you looked into her eyes. . .

She looked lost. . . Confused, yet furious.

The fury, pointed towards you.

“Get. Up,” your mother ordered, voice cracking a bit, spit flying past her chapped lips. The tone of her voice. . . it made your heart jump into your throat. “Do your job, Pig.”

Before you could respond, you felt heavy footsteps make their way into the living room, shaking the weak structure of the small home that seemed to be falling apart around you.

“Move, you lazy drug slut,” a booming voice growled. You knew it was aimed towards your mother. “Give little Piggy some space to sit next to Mr. Morgan, hm?”

Mr. Morgan.

The paddles buzzed in your hands, re-centering you.

You didn’t dare look at the man who’d entered the room behind you, knowing it was the same man attached to the laughter from the kitchen.

So, it was only out of your peripheral vision when you noticed him round to the other side of you, getting close to your mom. The next thing you saw, faded from the corner of your eye, were fat, sausage-like fingers reaching to yank the thin blanket off your mother. The unmasked view of her figure broke your heart further, her body shaking, bones on full display through her papery skin, begging for a fix. . .

It didn’t take long for those same fingers to forcefully clutch her shoulder and yank her up. You could’ve sworn you heard the bones in her shoulder crack, but she barely let out a yelp. It was more of a tired groan, eyes closed and eyebrows drawn in with irritation towards being disturbed.

But, she shook more. . . Her bones, most likely rattling under her skin. And this time, you knew it was more from nerves and terror, than lack of drugs. She was just trying to play tough.

Mr. Morgan (the name, making bile rise in your throat) came to sit at the end of the couch, but your eyes once again drew shut and your body became rigid. Even if you were facing the couch, you still only kept your body towards your mother’s. She wasn’t safe, by any means. But she wasn’t Mr. Morgan.

You couldn’t look at him. The vile smell of him alone, sweat and grime from lack of showering. . . You were going to hurl on the spot. The way the nausea quickly began to rise in the hollow of your throat, you knew there was no time to get out now. . . Your heartbeat was thrumming so vigorously in your chest, you felt like you were going to choke on its strength.

Then the ugly, bitter laughter was back again. . . Right in front of you this time, your mother moaning next to him. . .

A distant beeping in the background. . . what? Where was that coming–?

The intensity of the paddles increased, the vibrations working to balance you amidst the fear.

“Open your eyes, Pig,” Mr. Morgan grunted, reprimanding you. His voice was stark and loud against the decaying walls of the living room. You winced with what you imagined to come, your heart accelerating and your blood running colder than cold. “Open. Your. Fucking. Eyes, my little whor–.”

The paddles were working so hard to bring you back, but you couldn’t–.

“Y/n.” Gia’s voice rang out through the disgusting home, flowing into your ears, reassuring you. “It’s time to leave, y/n. Find your safe place.”

You didn’t have to be told twice, not with the tears streaming down your face and the way your breath was stuck in your lungs. Your chest stung from the way your heart rate wouldn’t let up. . . the way your heart raced, unrelenting and beating harder every time. . . . The pain was excruciating, making you want to keel over from the intensity.

There wasn’t a memory of leaving the room, you just knew you had left as you ran.

You ran as fast as your legs could carry you, eyes still shut to avoid being used by him–Mr. Morgan. God. You hated that man. You hated your mother.

But, you weren’t with them anymore. The rotting smell of the home and the body odor that reeked from the two people in your vision – it was all gone. You were out. So, you decided to open your eyes. You had to open them to find the place you’d created for a time just like this. . .

Your place. Your home. The field of lavender. Jake. Peaceful serenity, awaiting you amongst the birds chirping and the light blue skies. . .

So, with eyes open and tears streaming down your cheeks, you decided you needed to be there now. Now now now now. . .

And before you could request it any further, your feet were touching the lush grass and the skies were clear and powdery blue above you. . .

“Are you safe, y/n?” Gia asked, her voice much clearer when you were in the field, surrounded by nature. Your sanctuary.

“Yes,” you breathed, voice cracking just a little on the word. You hadn’t spoken for a while. . . Too scared to do so. Clearing your throat, you tried once more. “Yes. Yes, I’m safe. I’m in my safe place. The lavender. The beautiful, tall trees filled with green leaves. The breeze is perfectly warm against my face. . .”

“Wonderful,” Gia said, sounding relieved and stoic all at once. “You are okay, girly. You are okay. It’s not your current reality. It’s not right now. This is right now. You are safe.”

Yes. I’m safe.

Your breathing was coming much easier and your heart wasn’t pounding in your ears any longer.

Your hands found your belly, the sweetest little round bump. But where was. . .?

Then, you felt him. Jake.

Solid and sure behind you, his chest meeting your back. His arms, coming to wrap around you, cradling you and the belly that held his baby. Your head, falling of its own accord to lay back on his shoulder. . .

You were finally able to relax. Let go. The tears poured from your eyes, wetting your cheeks with steady tracks.

“Shhh,” Jake shushed you, the minty smell of his toothpaste lingering on his breath as it washed over your features. The sandalwood-vanilla of his cologne was reminiscent of heaven, you were sure of it. “It’s okay, baby.”

He swayed you a little, your eyes falling closed in peaceful surrender to him and this moment. . .

“Y/n, I want you to think of your box,” you heard the words, knowing it was Gia. But, you felt Jake saying it. Even if she was the one saying the words, you wanted him to help guide you, too. Your mind was a funny place.

His voice kept soothing you, “Think of the box and open it. Open it and place the memory you stepped into today inside of it. Secure that memory inside of the box.”

So, with one fleeting glance at the disgusting past you’d had to re-experience today, you mentally opened the lid to the box. And, as the lid opened, you let the people and the stingy place flow quickly into the sturdy wooden structure of the box.

You could have spit on the people and the place and the smells. . . Fuck it all.

The sureness of the box truly calmed you as the last little bit of the memory faded into the box.

“Tuck it away in your box. Just keep it there until you’re ready to revisit it again. . .,” Gia counseled, her words yet again came through as if Jake were saying them. His breath was warm against the column of your throat, lips near to your ear. “You have control of it, y/n.”

Once you knew it was all inside, you let the lid click shut. The little pieces of lavender you imagined to be skillfully painted atop the box assured you that it would all be over soon.

Beep beep beep beep. The beeping again. Familiar. You’d heard it momentarily at the disgusting, decrepit house. What was it?

“Y/n,” you heard Gia again, her words no longer masked by Jake’s voice. “Are you ready to come back to the office?”

As much as you wanted to never leave the man who still held you, you knew that the sooner you left the safe place, the sooner you could actually see him. He was waiting for you. In the lobby. In the present.

“Yeah,” you sighed with a sniffle, most of your tears dry after the safety you’d felt in the field of lavender. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

“I’m right here with you,” Gia assured you, her voice the closest it had been since initially closing your eyes.

You closed your eyes once more, your body feeling lighter. Letting yourself sink into real time, you felt the soft, camel leather of the couch under you, around you. Then came the smell of Gia’s essential oils, filtering in through your senses. Things were okay.

When your eyes cracked open, so tentative and slow, Gia was ready and waiting with open eyes.

But the beeping. . . It was still happening — it was incessant. And it was fully apparent now that the sound was coming from your belt bag, hanging on Gia’s office door handle.

Your heart monitor.

Shit.

“How long has that been going off?” You blanched, eyes bugged as you got off the couch to grab your bag from the handle. Though, your legs were weaker than you expected, body worn down. It forced you to sit back down to gain your wherewithal.

Noticing this, Gia stuck a hand out to get you to pause from trying again. “I will grab the bag,” she soothed. “You stay there. Give yourself time to adjust to the present time. You’ve been through it, babe.”

All you could do was nod and swallow thickly, your heart no longer beating hard enough to make the phone go off. But apparently it had accelerated at some point. . .

And then you remembered.

Mr. Morgan. He’d made your heart rate go ballistic.

When he’d approached, commanded you to open your eyes, and almost called you that horrible name. . . it had gone insane.

Your chest had been in so much pain, and you could remember hearing the incessant beeping, now. . .

“Fuck, Gia,” you combed a hand through your hair. “My heart . . . I remember. . . my chest was hurting like a bitch.”

Gia inhaled deeply. “Yeah. . . You know, how about I hold the phone that tracks it from here on out? To keep an eye on your heart rate?” She suggested, raising a brow as she walked back to you with the belt bag. Raising a brow, she eyed you as she got close enough to hand your belongings over to you. “We need to be aware of your health and the baby’s first and foremost, before anything else.”

You swallowed with a slight nod, not wanting to see where your heart had skyrocketed to. But you knew you had to see it. So, you unzipped your bag and shakily got your monitor phone out.

When you slid the screen open to check, your breath caught in your throat. Tears welled in your eyes at the very large number, flashing at you in red.

Shit. 185. What the fuck?

That could have gotten really bad, really fast if Gia hadn’t stopped you when she did.

“So. . . What had it gotten to?” Gia questioned carefully, wide eyes serious and ready to help.

You observed her for a second, not wanting to divulge just how high it had gotten for one reason in specific. . . The fear that Gia would make you stop EMDR if she knew just how high it had gotten — that possibility kept your lips sealed.

“Girly, I really feel it’s incredibly important that we keep track of that. I didn’t want to be invasive while you were under, but I heard it and I knew what it was. . .,” Gia tried to counsel you, taking your skeptical gaze as you finding her invasive. “I really didn’t like not knowing what your heart rate was. It’s best we stay aware of that. We have to be so careful of that, girly.”

You wanted to tell her. Duh. Why wouldn’t you want to? You told her everything else. . . The possibility of not being able to—.

“We will still continue our EMDR, y/n,” Gia grinned warmly with a wink. “I know that’s what you’re worried about. . .”

Your mouth puckered, as you took in a deep breath, gawking at the tall blonde across from you.

You couldn’t help the bubble of a laugh that spurted from your lips, in spite of your worried thoughts. You were in awe of your therapist’s intuition. “How did you know?” You questioned, already mostly knowing the answer.

The answer was: people in this profession were really very incredible. . . And Gia — she, in particular, was so empathetic and so aware of everything that mattered to you. . .

“It’s my job to tune in to that shit,” she grinned, sitting back in her rolling chair, one leg crossed over the other.

After sharing a smirk with her, you decided you might as well tell her. You were nearing the end of your time, and you assumed she still wanted to be filled in on what had happened during your time under.

“My BPM was. . . in the 180s,” you divulged, wary of her reaction. “That’s um—that’s really high,” you tagged on to the end, blowing out a breath, still shocked at the number yourself.

“Ho-ly fuck,” Gia stated, eyes wide and mouth in a straight line as she shook her head. “No shit that’s high.”

“We’ll figure it out?” you stated the question, hoping it would be ammunition for Gia to agree.

“Of course,” she nodded adamantly. Sitting up in her chair, she leaned forward. Her elbows, on the ends of her thighs, near her knee caps. “When do you turn it in? How long do we have with it?”

“I turn it in next week,” you answered, curious where she was going. “Hopefully I’ll get some results and sure answers. . .” Trailing off, you decided to shut up so she could get to her point.

“Well. . .,” she started, rubbing her palms together, eyes glancing down and back to you, “Would you be opposed to me attaching another monitor to you during our sessions? After that one is turned in?”

“That’s a great plan,” you answered, nodding with pursed lips. “Sounds safe.” Though, you paused. One more question. “And you’ll keep watch of it next time?”

“If that’s what you want from me, I’d love to be able to help you in that way,” she answered with a reassuring sureness in her tone.

“I do want that,” you replied with a sheepish grin. “I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course, girly,” Gia smiled, lopsided and full of ease. “We’ll make sure to get you through this therapy the safest we possibly can. Gotta protect you and that baby.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

After filling her in on everything from your EMDR vision, she’d given you a few more pieces of therapeutic wisdom and advice. Little things to follow if the memories came back with a vengeance.

But, you’d gone more than five minutes over your session’s time at that point, pushing her other appointment back.

So, you didn’t get long before the two of you had to bustle out. You’d been about eight minutes past session end time when you officially exited the small room, the session having just ended.

A long fucking session.

Your body was extremely weighed down by fatigue and exhaustion. So, when you finally connected with Jake, you sunk happily into his warm, safe embrace.

It seemed walking directly into Jake’s arms was exactly what your body longed for after leaving Gia’s office. You’d had little to no choice in where your body had guided you.

He had already been standing, waiting for you. His amber-brown eyes, wide open and full of readiness to help you. He’d seemed anxious to see you. You could tell as much by the tapping of his foot, the way he’d been worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, the wrinkle of his brows. . .

So, of course, as soon as you approached, his arms had widened to welcome you in.

Surprisingly, you hadn’t cried when you met his arms. . . Honestly, it was probably because you’d exhausted your tear ducts during your session. And all that you felt now was pure numbness. You didn’t know how to feel – just knew that you were tired and needed someone to be close to.

And Jake was the person you wanted most.

Once safe in his embrace, you didn’t have the mental energy to even think about how it would look to Gia – but you knew she’d understand.

You felt Gia come up behind you, even halfway heard her introducing herself to Jake.

And even though you were out of it, you still heard Jake respond kindly, hearing the smile in his voice. When he moved his hand to shake hers, you didn’t turn around, just kept your face tucked into his shoulder, one of his arms still tightly hugging you to him. The pressure was really nice – it really calmed you down to feel so secure with him.

It felt like the field of lavender, but this was really real – and that made it inexplicably better.

Thankfully since you’d quickly scheduled the next session in Gia’s office, you didn’t have to wait much longer to head home. You didn’t want to leave his embrace, but you ended up turning out of Jake’s arms to tell Gia goodbye.

When you reached forward to give her a hug, she whispered calmly in your ear. “You’re safe. Everything is okay in the here and now. I’m proud of you, y/n. You are already making great strides.”

After telling her a quiet ‘thank you’, you turned to Jake.

“I’m ready when you are,” he assured you, lips turned up in an easy grin. His eyes were soft in a way that showed you he really was ready to be whatever you needed him to be.

You didn’t need to be told again. You were ready for food and sleep. So, after the two of you waved to Gia over your shoulders, Jake let you lead him out, opening the door for you from behind.

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you snapped out of your daze and found a bit of energy, you decided to divulge to Jake just how high your heart rate had gotten during the session.

You had expected him to be a little worried on your behalf, but he’d gotten. . . really, really worried. You’d go so far as to call it a minor anxiety attack.

His eyes had bugged, face had paled, and his breathing had gotten choppy. . . All signs of some serious anxiety on his end.

His care for the situation was apparent, that much was for certain. He’d babbled in a rush of words – voiced a lot of concern on your behalf and the baby’s. . . Well, that was what you could catch in his raspy, frenzied tone. You’d missed a few things as he’d rushed the words out.

It was really sweet how much he cared. You had to work to keep the tiny grin off your face in response to his obviously sincere regard for your health (and the baby’s). You’d kept your quiet smile at bay the best you could and calmly reassured him that you were wearing a heart monitor for a reason – so the doctors could track those weird things and get down to the root of why your heart sucked ass at times.

You’d explained that medical professionals had started dealing with it the night at the emergency room and would continue once your monitor got sent in within the next couple of weeks.

“I know today’s already been a lot, but do you have it in you to explain more about that night?” Jake asked, his breathing evening out as he rounded the curb, out of the office parking lot. “The night you went to the emergency room?”

“Yeah, totally,” you readily agreed, jumping at the opportunity to not think about the muddled images still flashing in your mind from your session. “Where do you want me to start?” You wondered aloud, peeking at him as you picked with a loose string on the seam of your leggings.

He cleared his throat in the way that indicated he was a little nervous. “What triggered it, exactly? Had you been okay at the bar that night? Was it because of something that had happened there?”

“It wasn’t really because of anything that happened at the bar, no,” you shook your head, looking down at the string you were pulling at, giving it a good yank to do away with it. “And I was kind of okay that night. . . Same as I’d been every other day around the time,” you laughed humorlessly, not missing those days at all.

But, you couldn’t help reflecting on the events at the bar. . . since he'd brought it up. That night, just thinking of it still gave you butterflies. . . The way he’d feasted his eyes on you as your song played. . .

Stay focused, y/n.

“Um— during those earlier days, I’d had several days where I’d been really fuckin’ dizzy. . . could hardly eat most days, always nauseous and puking. . .,” you crinkled your nose at the thought, shivering at the memories.

After getting over the thought of the constant vomiting, you stopped your train of thought to consider the fainting. All of the factors. You were not sure what to blame in particular. Though, you remembered Dr. Stevens’ opinion.

“Honestly, more than one factor triggered it. . . but. . .,” you drew in a breath, pinching your eyes shut at the worst part of the night. “I actually blacked out and fucking fainted,” you cracked one eye open to look over at him to gauge his reaction.

“You blacked— you what?!” His voice rose a little bit at the idea, the car swerving the slightest bit when he glanced at you.

“Focus on the road!” You shook your head, eyes now opened wide at his swerve. However, you did find his reaction a bit funny. “I’m fine now, Jake,” you reassured, reaching over to give his arm one squeeze.

But quickly, you placed your hand back in your lap to avoid any sort of awkwardness.

You offered him a smile as your hand moved, looking up at him from your twitching thumbs, just as he glanced down at you.

His eyebrows were still knit with worry when he faced the road again. “You’re sure?”

“Mostly,” you answered, thinking of the heart monitor’s job, peering down briefly to where it stayed on your chest. “They’re tracking my heart rate to make totally sure. And I’ve even kept an eye on my hemoglobin — which is doing much better, too. Not that you care about that part—.”

“I care about it all,” Jake interrupted, his tone insistent enough to make you pause and look over at him.

Let him care, y/n. He wants to. . . Don’t tell him what he cares about and what he doesn’t. . .

From under your lashes, you studied him. You were glad he was now stopped at a light, giving you a little time to share a look with him. His eyes were full of warmth. . . The deep brown of his irises, capturing you. His eyes held yours so tenderly, desperate for you to understand he meant what he said.

And you did understand. You understood that he truly cared for you. . . and that his patience for you was incredible. You just felt completely undeserving of the amount of chances he’d given you after you’d hurt him so badly.

The look in his eyes had you trapped, completely enamored by all of him. . . Your heart beat was pulsing in your ears, helping you to feel light as a feather under his stare.

But, when a car honked to let you both know the light had turned green, it jolted you both, effectively tearing your focus from the other. He was driving again and you were back to looking through the windshield to continue your story.

You cleared your throat to break up the air.

“We um— we checked all the boxes, you could say. The doctor was sure to put measures in place to keep an eye on all of the things that could have been a major issue to trigger that,” you spoke confidently, to give him affirmation that things were okay. “So, yes, I’m sure I’m fine now and I’m going to be fine in the future.”

Out of selfish desire, you let your line of sight float back to him. Yet again. It was just so easy to sit and admire his natural beauty. . .

Jake sucked in a breath, so deep from his chest. You could tell he was considering your words, one brow still arched in contemplation.

“Okay,” he sighed his response, relief evident in his looser posture. He eased up his grip on the wheel, leaning back in the seat. You tried not to watch the way his jeans stretched over his lap. “So,” he started, “is there anything else you found out that night? A big, prevailing reason you quite literally blacked out?”

“The doctor I spoke to thinks it’s because of this underlying condition I most likely have — called POTS.”

“POTS?” He asked, his tone curious. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.”

“It’s just a blood circulation disorder. I think I’ve had it nearly all my life. But it can be brought on by stress and cause things like fainting. . .,” you trailed off, glancing down at your belly. “Which I was obviously feeling a lot of with the baby. I mean, talk about massive life change,” you smirked, rubbing the bump that was more and more noticeable every day.

“And I was the only one who knew this giant thing for a bit. . . then only Elsie knew. And, yeah, when Josh found out, I was feeling a little better. Felt lighter. . .,” you paused, your next words, being important to you. “But I still wanted to tell you most,” your lips lifted in spite of yourself. “But, we weren’t really talking because of all the shit that happened between u–.”

You stopped yourself at that, though. Shit. Today didn’t really seem like the time to get into all of that. It had already been such a long day.

The car stayed silent for a few beats.

Once Jake started speaking again, your eyes found his handsome profile.

“Yeah. . .,” Jake offered in response to that, his jaw clenching. His eyes were dead-set on the road. The expression on his face, hard. Yet. . .it wasn’t angry. Not angry at all, just thoughtful.

He seemed to be contemplating it all.

He proved you right with his next words, bringing you back. “I need you to know—I’m really fucking sorry for not being so present—for not noticing more. I wish I would’ve been more aware and been there for you. . . Shit, I should have noticed you weren’t eating normally and were constantly sick,” he rubbed his forehead once, jaw tight again as he spoke on the subject. “I was still just stuck in my own head over stuff — really hurt. I still am, I think. But, I also, more importantly, had no way of knowing that you were carrying my kid, so. . .,” he trailed off, clearing his throat. “So I didn’t watch too hard for things out of the ordinary — my mind was in other places.”

Other places, your mind repeated, mocking you. Like Maya. . .

Your stomach was still churning at the depressing thought of him having ignored you and still being hurt (albeit, you’d deserved it), when his voice echoed back through your train of thought.

“I did notice you weren’t home that night, though. . . After dropping Maya off at her place, I got home and you weren’t there. I. . .,” he sniffed, running a nervous hand through his hair as he looked both ways to make a turn. “I panicked, noticed your chapstick and house key were on the ground outside — it made no fuckin’ sense. I called Josh to ask him where you were — assumed he’d know. And, he did. But he told me the bare fucking minimum. I didn’t even know you were at the emergency room. He just told me not to worry and cut me off with an ‘I love you’ before hanging up on me,” Jake rolled his eyes at the memory, fists gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter. “Now I know it’s because you obviously really needed him. . . But at that point, I was so pissed. Obviously, you were in some sort of bind and there was nothing I could do to help since we were. . .,” he let his train of thought fade into nothing. Your mind was a frenzy of everything he was telling you, but you tuned back in when he began speaking again. “And then your heart monitor came in the mail. . . I didn’t even think about how they could be connected. I just knew the very little Josh had told me from that night and then I saw a damn heart monitor show up. . . I was just super fucking confused and terrified for you. . . I was trying my best to connect all of the dots.”

“Well. . .,” you started, not sure if you should say what you were thinking. But still, you did. “It wasn’t really any of your business at that point. I didn’t want to make you— it was just a lot to process for me and we. . .,” you trailed off, at a loss. Still so tired from the session. “I don’t know. . . I had reasons.”

“I know, y/n,” he responded, voice tight with masked emotion.

You didn’t know what to say after that. Your eyes were trained on what was outside the passenger side window.

The air in the car was dense, slightly awkward on your end.

It was strange how weird things could feel after a damn conversation when, just a week ago in this very car, you’d had him in your mouth.

It was slightly embarrassing that a hard conversation topic was what it took to make both of you freeze up. But, somehow, you could still find the wherewithal to have your mouth on his. . . Mhm.

That was what you got for making sex such a giant thing before. . . now you’d made that easy and everything else fucking taboo.

But the sex had just been too good to not make it something you did all the damn time. . .

God, you missed sex with him. . . Him, inside of you, his hips going at a perfect pace. . .

Thanks to your motherfucking hormones, you were back in the living room floor with him. . . So often, you went back to that one rainy morning with Aretha Franklin on the turntable. . .

The look on his face when you fucked him, one of your favorite sights. That morning, just like always, he’d watched you so closely. . . Your face, your breasts, your ass, or your pussy that was wrapped around him, so tight.

As he fucked you so slow and purposeful, a hand raising your leg to get a better angle, he hit a secret spot inside of you. Your toes had curled as you whined his name.

And just as his name fell from your lips, he’d scrunched his brows, and let his mouth fall open with certain movements of his hips. His jaw, clenched, when you’d flex around him or biting his lip when you’d let out a shaky breath. . .

“Y/n?”

“Yes?” You shook your head of the fucking delicious scene in your memories.

Now was not the time.

To show respect, you did your best to wipe the picture and put your full attention on him. You glanced at him. He looked so beautiful under the natural light of the early evening and the streetlights. And his hair looked so healthy and long. . .

“I’m not upset or anything that you kept any of it from me,” he ventured to explain, your mind coming back to the topic at hand. “I need you to know that.”

“You’ve kind of already told me all of this before,” you started with a smile, eyeing the radio for a bit.

Music. You needed music.

You began to mess with the buttons, turned down the volume, and hooked your phone up to the aux. “I know you, Jake,” you continued with a sigh, scrolling your playlists, finding a song you were suddenly craving to hear. “I know you well enough to know you aren’t upset with me for keeping it all from you for a bit. You have a good heart.”

“You give me too much credit,” he humorously laughed. “I’m not always so sure about how good I am these days — kind of always doubted that about myself and right now is no different.”

At his words and sound of disbelief, you looked over at him with a wrinkle in your brow. His own eyebrows were set with an odd, unreadable emotion. You hadn’t clicked the song to play yet. This was too important to not address.

“Jacob,” you said sternly. His eyes stayed glued to the busier street. “I don’t give you ‘too much credit’. I just see you and know you well – anyone who truly matters sees you for who you truly are. I, like all of them, love y— appreciate everything you are.”

Shit. What was that that almost slipped from your lips?! Nothing. It was nothing. Ignore, ignore, ignore. . .

You were just hormonal and emotional.

You continued with intent to make your point known, doing your best to forget the slip-up. “I’ve made my fair share of mistakes – we all have. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m not about to hold anything against you right now.”

Cracking a smile, you decided you wanted to throw in a bit of a joke. “I mean, I would have to hold it against you if you killed someone or some shit,” you giggled, his own raspy laugh joining you.

But fuck, you couldn’t ignore that one emotion you were feeling. . .

It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. You didn’t know why the fuck you’d said that word of all words.

But this feeling. . . It was intense like love could be. It had your heart in your throat and your tummy tied in nervous knots. . .

You’d felt a need to say the words. A need for him to know how much you. . . how much you. . . How much you what, exactly?!

This was going to drive you fucking nuts.

So, to break the nonstop, crazy wave of thought, you played the song you felt like playing at the moment.

The song was “In the Moment” by Snoh Aalegra, one of your favorite R&B goddesses.

And, of course, the lyrics matched your heart. Perfectly. Oddly. Precisely. Music was your favorite language.

Do you mind if I try to come apologize to you?

'Cause I said some things that I realized wasn't true

You couldn’t stop your movements when your head slowly turned to look in his direction. His sunglasses were off due to the darker sky, so you could see every blink of his pretty eyes, long lashes touching the dark circles under his eyes with each blink. He watched the road carefully, maneuvered around cars with an ease that had you hoping he’d be around to drive you to the hospital on a certain day in May. . .

Your heart swelled in your chest at his attention to the road. This particularly protective nature of his, as the driver, was new. . .

And I'm sorry for it

I'm emotional

This is your fault

Please listen when I say

I care about you

You tried to look away from him. Really, you did. It just couldn’t be helped. The way these lyrics kept pulling something from deep within your soul as you watched him drive. . .

But you still couldn’t figure out what was getting pulled in you, exactly. It felt weird, but only in a fulfilling way. . . Your heart ached, your head clouded with all things surrounding him.

And then, just as he stopped at a red light, his eyes met yours.

You had been caught red handed in your stare, but it didn’t seem to matter. Not to you, not to him. He smiled at you, the same, warm smile you knew all too well to be uniquely his. (And hopefully your baby’s.)

The lyrics and melody of the song were adding to your already emotionally-tangled state. You just wanted to be with him always—hold him tight so he couldn’t leave. Never wanted him to leave.

Out of pure instinct, your hands found rest on your tummy, tucking underneath the bump. His smile only grew, stretching wide on his lips as his eyes followed the movement. Your heart did a little flip in your chest.

This moment. . .

His foot let off the brake when the light turned green, pulling his eyes away from yours. The music coasting through the speakers said all the things you so desperately wanted to say. Though, Snoh sang them far more beautifully than you could ever say them yourself.

I was in the moment

I ain't really mean what I said to you

So put away your pride, baby

We can work it out if you want this, too

You hoped on every star in the winter sky that Jake was listening to the words, somehow feeling them as deeply as you were.

But if I could stay, I’d stay with you. . .

Your phone ringing snapped you out of your reverie and when you looked down to see who it was, you were not expecting the contact you saw.

The OB office.

Your heart started speeding up in your chest again, breath catching and nerves wracking your system at the most inopportune time. As you turned down the song to talk to the person on the other end, you contemplated why they were calling. . .

The appointment had already been rescheduled. . . So what else could be needed? Was something wrong?

You felt Jake’s palm splay across your thigh, fingers giving light, pulsing grips to the muscle through the fabric of your leggings. Skin heating at his touch, you looked up and over at him.

“Who?” He whispered, quietly as he could.

“OBGYN,” you mouthed back, clicking the green button to answer at the same time that he raised a brow in confusion.

“Hello?” You spoke into the phone, trying to keep your voice even-toned for whoever called you.

“Miss y/n?” Dr. Rose responded. Her Southern accent, friendly, on the other end, sounding happy as a lark.

Hearing her sound okay helped your nerves ease up – weren’t quite as frayed as they had been to begin with. Jake’s hand was still on your leg, offering reassurance. But while his touch did comfort you, it also made your heart rate speed up and head swim for another reason entirely.

Thankfully, considering the baby, your heart was slowing down. . . If Dr. Rose sounded fine, then surely things were fine, right?

“Hi, Dr. Rose,” you said, voice perking up just the slightest bit. Looking out the windshield, you focused on the pretty colors in the sky. All light pinks, oranges, and the prettiest periwinkle thanks to the winter evening’s premature setting sun. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, more than, Sweet Cakes! Just checkin’ in to see that Friday still works for ya,” she explained, her drawl not quite as thick the more she spoke. But it was still there and it made you feel warm inside for some reason.

Admittedly, you knew it was partially due to the fact that she seemed to only be calling to confirm your appointment. According to Dr. Rose, everything was ‘more than’ alright. . . you released a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“Yeah. It works for me,” you sighed, running a nervous hand through your hair, knee still bouncing with the unexpectedness of the phone call. “Let me check with Jake real quick. I’m with him right now,” you held your hand over the speaker, looking over to your handsome driver. He’d just made it onto a highway, but momentarily glanced down at you. You hushed your next question, not wanting to disturb Dr. Rose. “Does Friday still work for you? For the week 17 appointment?”

Jake’s face opened up at the question, his eyes brightening with a smile that lifted the corner of his mouth. “Of course,” he quietly responded. “I have the whole day blocked off just for that.”

Your stomach did somersaults at him being so excited for the appointment, but you still dipped your eyebrows in at him. “You didn’t have to do that,” you whispered back. “Take the whole day for it.”

Jake shook his head, and with a dimple in his cheek, he just looked back at the road. Didn’t even acknowledge what you said any further.

You closed your eyes, a small smile on your lips at his desire to be fully available – it gave you butterflies. Back to the phone call at hand, you faced the windshield again to continue the call with your OB. “Dr. Rose?”

“Yes ma’am,” she excitedly greeted back.

“It still works for us,” you said, the smile not fading from your lips. Us. You really, really loved the sound of that word coming off your tongue. “Are you sure you’re still okay doing the appointment before week 18? I know how you feel about all of that. . .”

You didn’t know why you were asking – shouldn’t have even said anything. The idea of putting it off any longer was not what you wanted, and you didn’t want to make Dr. Rose think you’d be okay with that. But, it was too late now. You’d already asked.

“Oh, yes, babygirl. I’m the one that made ya wait past week 16! I felt bad, but I didn’t want ya to have any lull period,” she boomed on the other end, sounding so genuinely kind-hearted. It made your heart feel so full. “Completely fine with me – why I offered it to ya! I gotta admit, I’m a little excited to be findin’ out the gender a week earlier than normal. Ya know I never do that for my girls, but you’ve just seemed very special to me since the day you walked in. You’re a good seed in a bag ‘a bad ones, sweetie pie. So, I just had to make an exception.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Rose,” you gushed, a tear coming to the corner of your eye at her sentiment.

“I knew it would drive ya nuts havin’ to wait.”

“It would have,” you giggled, agreeing with a sniff to attempt to rid yourself of the tear.

She laughed heartily on the other end. “You have a beautifully passionate heart, little miss y/n,” she remarked. “You’re goin’ to be a wonderful mama for it.”

Aaand, there was no stopping the tear as it turned into a couple more, drifting down your cheek.

Jake must have looked over at the perfect time, because as soon as the tears fell, he was squeezing your thigh once more. His hand had never left your body.

But, you really needed him to stop holding you and caring because you were going to pounce on him. No questions asked. . .especially with the fluffy headspace you were in.

Emotional over a phone call or not, your body reacted to him in ways you couldn’t stop.

“How’s your heart?” Dr. Rose was in your ear again, bringing you back. She was in no rush whatsoever. You were shocked that she seemed to want to keep the conversation going. Even after the first question, she continued with another. “I know ya filled me in on it a little bit last week on the phone, but any more updates?”

“Doing alright, I think,” you responded, sniffling at her eagerness to stay updated on your wellbeing. Was she just being a good doctor? Probably. But, still. It meant a lot to you. “I will send my monitor in on the 17th. I’m so ready to be done with it,” you replied with a huff of a laugh, looking down to mess with a loose string on your oversized jacket. “And I think everything else has gotten much better since that ER visit, too. Just keeping an eye on things,” you finished, happy to explain everything to her.

This phone call was officially a highlight to your day now that you knew there was no reason to stress over it. Dr. Rose just made you feel good. You really enjoyed talking to the older Southern woman. Her heart shone through her personality. And, whether she made these efforts for all patients or not (you were sure she did), it just meant the world to you that she seemed to be so thoughtful.

She seemed to take very seriously that it was a vulnerable time in any woman’s life. Dr. Rose just seemed to do very well at her job. You were grateful for her.

“When Mount Sinai sent over that information all those weeks ago, I gotta be honest, it stressed me for ya for a bit,” she said, voice suddenly thick with a sort of concerned emotion. Not worried anymore, you could tell that much. But, it was obvious she had been troubled by it when it initially happened, from the way she sounded now.

“Although, when I read all of their tests on my end, I knew you’d be okay. Just a bump in the road, sweetie – it happens. You will be just fine!” She reassured you in her twang, the words made your head clear in a way you’d needed since the night at the hospital. “And, that sweet baby was doing so great still, in spite of it all. You’ve got a strong one, mama.”

Yeah, there was no stopping the onslaught of tears at those words. Your baby was strong. You were so proud.

“Yeah?” You sniffed. “You think so?”

“I know so. That little one was movin’ and groovin’ already that first day. . . that sure doesn’t happen with every baby! He or she is very special – just like their mama,” she emphasized, sniffling on her own end of the phone. “Well. . . . as long as this Friday still works for you, I think I can let ya go, honey bun.”

“Yes, it does,” you confirmed once more, pulling the sleeve of your jacket over your hand and patting your cheeks with it. “Thank you again.”

“No need to thank me, Sweet Cakes.” You could hear her smile through the phone, imagined her lips covered in the prettiest bright red matte lipstick. “You have a good nigh– oh! Before ya go. . . .”

“Yes?” you questioned curiously, eyebrow raising with a little grin on your lips.

“You mentioned a Jake earlier. Does this Jake happen to be the baby’s daddy?”

You blushed, looking over at him. He glanced over at you at the same time, an eyebrow raising when you caught his eye. Your cheeks heated even more when you looked into his eyes. Your baby’s daddy.

“He is the baby’s daddy, yeah,” you explained, continuing to watch him as you said the words. He had to keep his eye on the road, but you saw how his lips stretched, the smile showing his pride at the title.

“And he will be comin’?”

“He will be there,” you affirmed, your heart racing in your chest at the idea of him being there with you. It had you equal parts jittery and utterly overjoyed to have him be present at the appointments.

“Wonderful. Sounds like a good daddy already,” she gushed from her end of the phone.

And when he came to the next light, much nearer to the complex, you watched him and waited until he looked over at you. When his eyes found yours, glowing amber-brown in the nearly-set sun, your heart squeezed inexplicably in your chest.

“He is a really good daddy,” you answered, tears threatening to clog your throat.

After you said the words, you watched his eyes become wet with an unnamed emotion. A wide, slightly shaky grin on his pretty lips. With the addition of a pink blush in his cheeks, you wanted to be able to read the exact way he was feeling.

But. . . at the current moment he suddenly seemed impossible to read. There was something behind his eyes that seemed so familiar and so hazy all at once. . .

Or maybe you were just really, really tired.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“I don’t have to go to this tonight,” Jake offered, pulling into the complex.

You raised a brow, looking at him. As much as you wanted him to stay with you after today’s session, you knew that sleep was the first priority. He’d end up sitting around most of the night anyway.

If things were different, you would ask him to lay down with you. You’d keep him close. But. . . That wasn’t how things were for the two of you.

You needed a nap and he needed to be with his girlfriend. As much as it sucked, she took priority over you. He wasn’t yours.

You already felt selfish enough for taking his entire early evening away from him. You didn’t want to steal any more of his night.

“No, Jake,” you giggled, trying your best to play off the want to have him near. “I’m good. You’ve done everything you can for me tonight. Don’t need you for anything else — you’re free.”

It was silent for a little bit as Jake found his parking space. You were too tired to keep any sort of conversation going, preparing to doze against the window as he went to back into his space.

Though, when he placed his hand on the headrest behind you to back in, you couldn’t help but turn to glance up at him.

The way he held his bottom lip between his teeth as he focused on situating the Jeep into the parking space, just right. . . You felt guarded and protected by the placement of his arm above you. It made your tummy flip.

And the mustache that kept making a reappearance on his pretty face, accentuating his plush lips perfectly. . .

You licked your lips as you watched him, your eyes lazy as you let your stare wander down his body . . .

But before you could get too far, Jake’s deep, raspy tone broke through to you.

“Hey.”

Fuck. Your tiredness was quickly becoming enemy number one, exposing you.

Quickly, you flicked your eyes up to him, swallowing thickly, awaiting him with vulnerability clear on your features.

For some reason, you expected to see him grinning at you being caught. But his features were unwaveringly straight, studying your face with his eyebrows drawn in concentration.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes soon finding yours to pierce through. Damn, you felt naked under his stare. No two ways about it.

Your eyes sunk into his, wishing you were naked—.

“You’ve had a long day and I want to be available—.”

“I’m sure,” you cut him off, needing to get out of the car before you made a stupid move. You just needed rest; your tiredness was making you weak.

“Please. Go have fun,” you encouraged further, looking down to observe your nails, desperate to be repainted. Shaking your head, you continued to solidify your point. “You’ve done enough for me. You have a girlfriend who’s expecting you to be with her tonight.”

And if you stay here tonight, there’s no telling what I’ll try to do with you. . .

“‘Kay,” he responded. At his short tone, your eyes floated up to check on him. You watched as he quickly grabbed his keys out of the ignition, refusing to look at you until the last second. “I’ve gotta get going pretty soon then.”

“Yeah,” you breathed with a shake of your head, unsure of what else to say. And before he could get your door for you, you were doing it yourself — didn’t want to get in his way.

Whatever this conversation had become, it was far too much for your brain to wrap around at this moment.

You needed fucking sleep.

-🌼🌼🌼-

After you’d filled your Stanley and sat it on your bedside table, your next mission was to change into looser, cozier clothes. You stripped your pants and bra, and found a giant t-shirt. And your softest fuzzy socks had been a last minute must have before finding your bed.

Finally.

Almost as soon as you landed on your bed, your eyes were fluttering closed. The softness of your sheets and duvet, the cleanliness and the comfort of your bed was too incredible for you to resist sleep for long.

At the same time, Jake was getting ready for his time with Maya, and had apparently decided to shower. When the steady stream of water sounded through the wall, you relaxed even further. You focused on the soothing sound of the shower running and imagined how near he was to you.

He hadn’t left you yet.

Admittedly, putting your mind on Jake going about his business made you feel quite at home.

And that thought had been the seemingly final step to finding rest, sleep finding you quite easily with easy thoughts of your handsome roommate.

-🌼🌼🌼-

But, to your disdain, the nap didn’t last as long as you’d hoped.

After only a couple of hours, you’d woken up and couldn’t go back to sleep to get any more rest. You tried to fall asleep again. It was all you’d wanted after your emotionally exhausting day.

The longer you laid in your bed and tried to find more sleep, you realized it was just not going to happen. The small apartment felt too big and empty and your mind raced with the scene you’d witnessed during EMDR.

To your demise, the little wooden box had somehow cracked open a little while you slept. You figured it was because you’d dreamt of what you’d seen in therapy. Your subconscious was working without your complete consent.

That man with the thick fingers and clenched fists. . . He’d come floating out of the box first as you laid underneath your fluffy, white, clean bed covers. . .

Mr. Morgan. . . Who was he? You could not place his role in it all yet. . . While you were able to remember him and his living room now, that was about where it stopped.

The smell of him had stuck with you most since the memory. The potentness of his body odor in your subconscious had been a severe trigger – a trigger to things you weren’t capable of remembering yet.

But, you knew that whenever those things did get conjured up again, you wouldn’t be ready. You just knew. The feeling alone that came associated with him and seeing him again. . . made you feel grimy – made your skin crawl like bugs were living underneath your flesh.

Then there was your mother. You hadn’t been able to recall the distinct features of her face for years. Your grandparents didn’t have pictures of her up in their home – only ones of you and Elsie through the years. It was like she hadn’t ever existed.

But today? Today she was back. Full force. You felt her. You smelled her. You saw every. single. feature.

The stringiness of your mom’s hair when she’d been with the man in the recollected vision. . .

You couldn’t help but compare the hair in the vision to the fullness of it in small memories you cherished. . . There was a certain Christmas memory you kept close, her sweater had been brand new. Her hair, naturally brown and billowing out beautifully behind her. You had a few of those moments in time. A few decent memories you’d never let go completely away. No matter how much time passed or how foggy they became, you held onto them.

What struck you as disheartening was the way the woman transitioned from one version of herself to another in the fragments of time you could grasp. You remembered, it was rare to consistently witness the same mom growing up. You’d been forced at a young age to confront the fact that you never truly knew the woman that gave birth to you.

She’d been very dirty more times than not, you could remember that much now. From what you were beginning to recall, she rarely smelled good. Showers hadn’t seemed to be her forte from the grease that had been constantly caked in her hair if she wasn’t with your grandparents. Her skin had even been oily from her lack of showers, just as greasy as her hair.

The houses she had you living in, too. . . you could vaguely picture a few of those (besides Mr. Morgan’s). The one you were in within your recollected memory today had been so filthy. The grossness of the environment was coming to you in small bits. There’d been times you’d seen families of cockroaches climb into the pantry. . . Or when an occasional rat would scurry across the stained carpet, right past your feet. . .

You shivered in your bed at the thought, toes wiggling against your soft socks and covers. The loose sheet and duvet came closer to your chin as you tried to completely envelop yourself in your current reality. Things were safe.

It was just a-fucking-lot to process alone. And the last thing you wanted to do was burden anyone else with it. So, even if Jake had stayed with you rather than Maya after therapy, you knew you’d still be swirling in circles in your mind.

You were just glad you only had to wait a week for therapy to continue digging through this with the help of your therapist.

The images of the man and your mother kept flip-flopping in your mind, not leaving you alone — each taking turns in mocking your peace. It was enough that you felt your breath become choppy and your heart begin to race in your chest. Your clammy hands were clenching and unclenching over and over again, trying to find some sort of relief and distraction from the thoughts. The smells were coming back to you, vivid as they’d been during your therapy today. . .

And the moment you began to hear that distant, haunting chuckle from your past, embedded in the new flashes of memory, you shut your eyes. You squeezed your lids together so tightly. Your fists came to cover your eyes, pushing down on them just a little to see stars alongside the black.

Yet, the sound continued to get closer and closer to you. Desperately, you thought back on Gia’s advice should this happen.

One of the small pieces of advice she’d given you, when the session’s time was five-minutes passed.

“Now, if these things come back or more memories come to you and you would rather not think of them in the moment they do: take a break,” Gia had advised, going to hold your hands in hers between the two of you. “Take a break, wherever you are, and go to your safe place.”

She’d given you a couple of other things to try, but she’d stayed insistent that you try the safe place first. Every time. Get used to the place, make it a habit to run to it in these times.

So, you tried your damnedest to shut the thoughts out like you would on her soft, camel leather couch. Your eyes closed as you tried, working to focus on the idea of traveling to a field of lavender and Jake.

Though before you could get any further, your eyes snapped open, knowing you had one more step before you went there.

You tried to even your breathing, unclenching your fists. Once you’d relaxed enough to loosen your hands, you searched for some meditation music on Spotify.

And once you’d found a dreamy playlist, you laid back to feel it. Your goal: feel it enough to let go.

This time when you closed your eyes, you did it with less force and breathed in and out, in and out. Once again, everything was black. . . but just for the first minute or so.

It didn’t take long for you to hear the birds chirping and to feel the solid chest breathing beneath you. He breathed deeply – in and out, in and out, just as you did.

Almost as soon as you felt your body settle into him and the soft ground of the earth, you heard him speak, too. It was like you were hearing him through a rush of warm wind, a breeze drifting across your face. “You’re doing great, baby,” he soothed you in his velvety tone, running a sure hand through your hair, fingers tracing your scalp. You shivered, enjoying the wonderful feeling it gave you, all the way to the tips of your toes. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Further, you pushed into him, wanting to be as close to him as you could be. You wrapped your arms around him the best you could while laying down, needing to feel his body tightly against your own. When you did this, he wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing you into him. Your round belly, pressed between the two of you, made your heart settle into a soothing thrum in your chest.

No other words were said as you laid there, the sky blue when you finally opened your eyes to the new place. The field of lavender, so lucious and smelling heavenly around you. The purple flower surrounding you smelled clean, peaceful, and a lot like. . . love. It was a strange idea that a flower would smell like love, but you’d come to associate it with someone who–.

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

Your eyes opened at a moment’s notice when you heard a knock on the front door. Somehow, the sound against the door managed to break you from your hypnotic-like reverie. The knocks weren’t small or soft thuds by any means, but it was odd that you’d heard them all the way through to your sacred place. All the way through your bedroom door. . .

Though, thankfully, after having a bit of time to visit the safest place your mind could conjure up, you were on the path to feeling fine again. So after laying in bed for a few more seconds, you got up and padded to the door in your fluffy socks.

Before you opened the door, you peeked through the peephole.

When you did, your eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. Your breathing evened out significantly for the first time since waking from your nap. And without any hesitancy, you unlatched the chain and unlocked the knob and deadbolt.

As soon as you opened the door, you were greeted by Jake, a very apologetic smile on his face. One of his hands covered his eyes in feigned embarrassment, making a slit in his fingers to look at you through them. His other hand was tucked in the front pocket of his black slacks.

He’d changed clothes after dropping you off.

Duh, he’d showered, y/n. He wouldn’t be wearing the same dirty clothes afterwards . . .

He was now dressed very nicely, his hair looking so healthy and full. A few strands were still damp here and there, from the shower you’d heard him start as you’d fallen asleep for your nap.

And goddamn. He smelled so fucking delicious – you could’ve melted into him.

Rather than focusing on the way the hints of sandalwood and vanilla in his cologne made you feel airy, you asked the question you couldn’t help but wonder. “Where is your key?”

A hint of a laugh was present in your tone as you crossed your arms over your boobs – which you noticed were slightly less sore than normal.

Pleasant surprise.

Oh, fuck. Your boobs. No bra. Only wearing a giant t-shirt and fuzzy socks. The thong you were wearing was a poor excuse at covering your ass.

Glancing down briefly, you were reassured by the length. It was long enough to fully cover your backside, went down your thighs a bit. . . but you still felt very bare.

When you looked up, you found that Jake had noticed your lack of clothing at the same time as you. His stare burned through your t-shirt, all the way down to your blushing skin. Your chest was heaving of its own accord, nipples hardening at the attention from him. . .

His gaze soon dropped down to your lips, his own parting as his tongue went to wet his mouth.

No. You had to be the responsible one here. You could do it.

So, you forced a subtle short cough, toes wiggling in your fuzzy socks. And, thankfully, it brought him back to the current situation.

His wide, brown eyes snapped to yours, staying there momentarily. It made your cheeks pink — the way he was unashamedly sharing this moment with you. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all as he bit his lip with a grin stretched over his lips.

Fuck.

“Your key?” You tried again with a squeak. Rolling your eyes, your short cough was real this time as you had to clear your throat. Ridiculous.

Not saying anything, he responded like nothing had occurred before. He motioned with his head towards the kitchen bar behind you. Your head turned to follow his eyes. And, you found his keys, still laying on the counter, not having been touched since before he left.

“Did Maya pick you up?” You asked him, arching a brow at the keys.

“Yes.”

“How’d you get back?” Okay, y/n, now’s not the time for twenty questions.

“Uber,” he simply answered, a little hiccup following the word.

“Well. . . did you come back for them to drive yourself?” You asked, turning back around to face him, hoping he wouldn’t say ‘yes’. You selfishly wanted him to stay.

For the first time since you’d woken up, your body felt light. . . . And, you’d noticed it had happened the exact moment you saw him outside your door.

Shaking his head, he finally looked at you head-on, and you could see his eyes were the slightest bit unfocused.

Oh. . . A smirk rested on your lips as you crossed your arms once more.

He had a goofy, carefree smile on his lips. And then you smelled it — the slightest tinge of alcohol on him as he swayed a bit towards you.

Raising a brow, your lips continued to match his grin. Giggling, you pondered aloud, “Did you have a drink or two, babe?”

You didn’t say that last word. Nope.

“Maaaaybe,” he said, shrugging with both hands in his pockets now, the silly smile still plastered to his lips. “It was a party, after all,” he tagged on to the end, a bit of a British lilt falling over his words.

A party. Hm. For some reason, you hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility. Why did the fact that it’d been a party make your stomach turn a little bit?

“A party?” You inquired, tucking your arms a little closer against your chest. And there was the tenderness again.

“Maya’s baby sister— eight years younger than Maya,” he over-explained, tripping over himself a little as he made his way through the door without any warning. “Turned twenty one today.”

Oh, that explains the excessive drinking, you gathered mentally.

But, as you stood there connecting the dots, you didn’t focus enough on the fact that he was falling into you through the door frame. Thankfully, you put your arms out in time to stop him from bumping into you to the point of knocking you over. But when you put your arms out to stop his fall, he got the wrong idea and put his arms out as well, crashing into you a bit as he wrapped them around you in a secure embrace.

It took a bit for you to register what was happening as you stood in shock at the gentle gesture amidst his drunkenness. And while you were registering it all, he must’ve gotten the idea that you didn’t want him so close to you. So, very slowly, he pulled away.

Rather awkwardly, you just stood there, arms still held out in shock from the sudden hug.

Why were you surprised at all? He’d been like this recently – just today at counseling, he’d been extremely attentive, holding you when you’d needed him. . .

Was this time different? Was it because now he was doing it for virtually no reason at all? You weren’t in need of his help or his comfort (that he knew of) at the moment. And, he still wanted to hug you – that was what caught you completely off guard.

He’s drunk, y/n, a voice reminded you. Don’t overthink it. It’s just because he’s inebriated.

And while you stood in the doorway, he continued to traipse past you, body lopsided and shaky. He was being very careful to not bump into you again, turning his body in odd ways.

When you turned to observe him, as he made it past you, you noticed that in the process of trying to steer clear of you, he was losing his balance – quite quickly.

So, you did the only thing you could think to do and followed behind him to help however you could.

He wouldn’t remember it anyway.

When he started putting too much weight on one foot and started tilting a bit too far to the side, you acted on instinct.

You wrapped your arms around his midsection.

It proved to be a bit of a feat to keep him upright and on his feet, but you tried your hardest. The man was wonderfully built. . . but solid as a rock.

Has he been working out? You couldn’t help but wonder this as your arms pressed a bit more into his strong abdomen.

You realized that thought process could become a distraction to the task at hand in no time, so you put it to the back of your mind. Instead, you just put all of your concentration into helping him stay on the track he desired. . . . Which happened to be his bedroom.

While trying to keep him stable, you felt your belly press further into his back. The baby felt safer there, between the two of you. It felt right to be so close. . .

But, again, you focused on the important goal of getting Jake in bed. You just kept him pressed to you the best you could with a baby in the way. Matching his footing from behind, you walked in even step with him.

Once you were officially at his door, you reached around him to open his door for him. When your hand met the knob and twisted it, he reached forward, placing his hand over yours to open it with you. The gentle action made your skin flame.

Though, it didn’t last long. You didn’t pause, instead continuing into the room. And the moment you walked into the room, he tapped your arm, presumably to let you know he was okay on his own. So, you tentatively let go.

Your arms suddenly felt empty, but you didn’t want to overstay your welcome.

He seemed to be a little better now, sitting down on his bed. He did it with more effort than normally necessary, but he still seemed more capable than he’d been a few minutes ago.

So, without a word, you went to head out of his room. Right before you could walk out the door, though, you heard him from behind you.

“Where you going?” He asked sadly, sounding more like a neglected child than a grown man.

Turning around with a brow raised, you asked the question with your eyes before saying it aloud. “Why? You’re good now, right?”

His eyes zoned out momentarily on your face. You just blamed it on the alcohol, feeling woozy. When he came back to Earth, his eyes met yours. His eyes suddenly seemed much clearer than before. All of the air in your lungs evaporated at the look he was giving you. Desperation was the most fitting word for it.

“I’m not good without you,” he offered, his eyes darting to his feet almost directly after saying the words. He leaned down to sloppily take off his boots, but still neatly placed them next to his bed after taking them off.

It was honestly pretty funny to watch. You would’ve been more amused if your mind wasn’t still reeling a bit from his words. You zoned out on his guitar, placed neatly on its stand.

He. is. drunk, y/n, your internal heckler reminded you. Stop overthinking.

But. . . drunk words are honest –.

“Can you help?” Jake asked, sounding desperate while trying to achieve a task.

You looked over at him, finding him standing now and struggling to take off a necklace. Without argument, you left where you’d been standing, dejected and confused, by the doorway, to help him.

When you made it over to him, you tapped his hands where they struggled with the latch at the nape of his neck.

“Let me,” you insisted, replacing his hands with yours when he moved them.

Once the necklace was taken off, you made your way around him to place the jewelry on his bedside table, whose lamp bathed the room in golden light.

You glanced down at the necklace, running a finger down the face of the medallion. Medusa. That was who was etched into the gold metal.

“You into Greek mythology right now?” You questioned, peeking over your shoulder at him.

When you did, the sight that beheld you took you by total surprise. Shirtless. Shirt gone. No shirt. Jake, halfway naked.

“Oh,” you uttered the word in a moan more than anything else. You even felt your jaw drop the slightest bit. You didn’t really think anything of it. You didn’t really care to control your reactions. He wouldn’t remember any of this. You just kept telling yourself that.

And with the way the heat flooded from your head all the way to your chest, blossoming to the pit of your tummy – you didn’t think you could control your reactions. Then, when he absentmindedly adjusted himself in his pants. . . Yep.

You bit your lip, tucking hair behind your ear. Suddenly, you felt completely out of control of your body. . . Your hormones were calling the shots – they (and Jake) were making you feel unsteady in the best possible way.

The only downside was: there wasn’t anything you could do about it. Morals stood in the way of your bodies colliding and fucking it out.

You understood that the Jeep incident had happened. Of-fucking-course — there was no forgetting that shit. But a big part of you also thought it would be best to leave the other night in the Jeep in the past.

It wasn’t fair to anyone involved. Right?

So. . . You just focused on the present moment. No sex. Just Jake in front of you. Tried to ignore the surge of want for him at seeing half of him bare.

But goddamn — what a beautifully welcome sight. . .

His body had changed in the handsomest of ways. His thighs, as you’d noticed recently, were thicker than before. And he was. . . just broader than before. It started at the width of his shoulders, and worked down his abdomen to fill out with toned, tight muscle — his new addition of muscle was thick beneath the surface. There was just more of him altogether. The perfect amount of body for you to touch, kiss, lick. . . . . goddammit.

He still wasn’t looking at you, instead making his way to the laundry hamper across the room. You observed the way the muscle in his back flexed as he walked. The expanse of skin under his shoulder blades — his back was thick with new strength. . .What in the sweet hell?

When he carefully swiveled on his heel to make his way back to you, after tossing the shirt in the basket, you still didn’t take your eyes from him. Just admired the sight and the fact that watching him could be your own little secret. . .

A secret not even for Jake to know.

Though, as if on cue, his line of sight connected with yours. And when it did – damn. Your heart hammered hard in your chest. Your breath was trapped in your throat, all of it stolen from you.

His chocolate eyes, although hazy from alcohol, were so fucking dark. Dark in the same way they’d been in his Jeep last week.

He looked the same as he had right before you’d bent over his lap. The same way he’d eyed you as you’d been on top of him – licking him, sucking him, touching him. . .

So, instead of holding his eyes, you decided you had to look away before you made matters any worse than they were at the present moment.

Awkwardly, you started your next sentence without taking time to think about it. “You good now, Ja–?”

“What was your question?”

When he interrupted you, you wanted to look back at him. But you didn’t. Not with the way his voice was suddenly much fuller – deeper, raspier. . .

Coughing to mask any sort of embarrassing action, you tried your best to think back to what you’d asked. You couldn’t even remember. . . oh. Medusa. Pointless question. Didn’t matter.

“It was noth–.”

“I don’t care. Still wanna know.”

“Jake, it seriously doesn’t matt–.”

“Look at me, y/n,” he demanded, daring to be argued with. “Quit acting like we’re strangers.”

God. Your teeth found your lip, biting harder with a deep inhale. You let the plumpness of your bottom lip fall from your teeth with a tight exhale. Your tongue pressed into your cheek, eyebrows knit with frustration, when you peered up at him.

Fuck it all. This was why you hadn’t let yourself look at him.

His hungry eyes scanned your body when he got his way. He stood there admiring all of you, but his eyes were zeroed in on your ass, not leaving it.

You looked down to get an idea of what he was looking at.

And, to your horror, you noticed that the t-shirt had ridden up, completely exposing the bottom curve of your ass cheeks.

But, you didn’t move to change it. Instead, you decided to just stand there. Let him look. You wanted him to. This wouldn’t even count in the morning when he forgot it all.

You definitely weren’t offended by his staring. Not in the slightest. Just sort of made you nervous where things would lead if he didn’t stop observing the exposed skin.

Diversion.

“Jake,” you purposefully spoke his name, vying for his attention up top, rather than having his eyes on your ass.

You got your wish. Sort of. His eyes dragged from your ass to your thighs. . . Only to stop at your tits. Your skin was flushed and your skin was tingling. Your breasts, heavy under his stare and nipples tightly peaked against your oversized shirt.

Fuck. Your body really was your worst enemy — constantly gave you away. Pregnancy hormones were a pain in the ass.

So, you did the only thing you could think to do: you watched him watch you. The idea of his eyes burning into you without the ability to control it. . . It was almost too much for you to handle.

Then, he wet his lips, afterwards biting into his plump bottom lip. You might as well have been naked under his stare, completely at his mercy.

His gaze stayed consistent on your chest, residing long enough to have you feeling so desperately needy for him. . . but, eventually, his eyes moved up to your face.

You missed his stare on your body as soon as it was gone.

“You’re so fucking—goddamn,” he breathed, his expression still dazed. But, now it was from more than alcohol. Maybe not from alcohol at all. “Do you know how good you look carrying my baby?”

Your head became a flurried mess at his words, the feeling carrying all the way down to your toes.

“Jake,” you tried, not sure what else to say besides his name.

But he didn’t respond with words. No, all he did was walk closer to you, still half-dressed. Seeing so much of his body made you feel so utterly pathetic for him.

In a split second, before you could even wrap your mind around it, his hands found your waist. A soft, yet firm hold of your body. His eyes were locked on your parted lips, his face slowly leaning in and coming dangerously close to your own.

And just as he was with you, your eyes found his lips, plush and wet from his tongue gliding over them. So kissable. All you wanted, all you needed, was to feel them collide with yours. To taste him again, to savor the sweetness that you knew to be Jake.

He was so close that you could smell the bitter remnants of alcohol on his breath. His breath, that felt so warm against your flushed skin. You couldn’t help it as you slowly let yourself lean into him. All too well, you knew how wrong it was. . . Yet, you were having the worst time finding it within yourself to care any longer.

Amber-brown eyes flicked up to yours, golden flecks glowing from the dim yellow lamp lighting. Your own eyes were wide under your fluttering lashes.

The drunkenness wasn’t as prevalent in his stare as it had been before. This felt so eerily intimate — like it had happened before. You couldn’t fucking shake the feeling this moment was giving you. The dim lighting. Him so close to you—tempting you. . .

For some reason, your eyes fluttered down between the two of you to your small, rounded tummy.

Jake’s lips brushed your forehead with the action, his hand coming to tuck hair behind your ear.

Your belly—it was nestled so well in the middle of your bodies, brushing up against his firm stomach. Protected.

And then a memory, clear now, came rushing back to you. It was coming out of the shadows, having been foggy and faded, but not anymore.

The only place to go was your room, your door ajar just enough that it opened easily on its own. Jake had reached a hand behind him to close it gently– not wanting to wake anyone.

Your lamp, still left on, just as it had been earlier in the evening, shed the perfect amount of golden glow.

You’d grabbed his face, pulling him away from you momentarily to appreciate his features. Finally out of the dark you could look at him.

And, God, you loved his face. Everything about it, having been so intricately and delicately created — making the most beautiful man you’d ever laid eyes on.

A quiet smirk had graced Jake’s perfect lips, his eyes tightly locked with yours.

“What’s the matter?” He’d asked, his hushed, now-sultry voice making your need for him that much more heightened.

You thought a moment before you answered.

With all of your feelings for him finally becoming realized in your own mind, there was just so much you felt you needed to say. So much you needed him to know.

As you’d stared in his sparkling eyes, pupils pure black from the weed and his need for you, the only word your mind could conjure up was love. Over and over again. Not just the word, but the feeling; the new desire for him that went far beyond the purely physical one that you’d tried so hard to convince yourself of.

But it wasn’t new; it had been clear all along. You’d just shoved it down to the deepest trenches of your mind, only to be discovered by the most skilled explorer.

There was so much you had wanted to say, but you just couldn’t conjure the proper words.

You decided your body could do all the talking. It could say more than your voice ever could.

“Nothing,” you’d whispered against his lips as you pulled him in for the deepest kiss you were certain the two of you had ever shared with one another.

You gasped as you looked up at him. The night you’d conceived—.

“Y/n, sweet girl,” Jake’s smoky voice brought your attention back to the situation. You let your body melt into his even more, needing him near.

The reality of it all suddenly began to set in when his hands, slow and steady in their pace, moved up your waist. Strong hands now moving under your shirt, set in their direction of ascension. They came to a steady stop just beneath the curve of your tender breasts.

“You know,” he breathed, breath washing over your lips. You blinked up at him, at his mercy. “I wanna do so much more than just hold your pretty tits,” he whispered, his lips brushing ever so lightly against yours. “How do they feel?”

“H-heavy,” you stuttered, shivering against his touch while his thumbs met at your sternum, tracing delicate patterns.

His palms suddenly dropped from beneath your shirt. You sucked in a breath, whining as your breasts pushed out for more. Your skin begged for his touch, on fire for him.

Before long, though, his hands came back to their spot over the fabric of the t-shirt this time.

And, over your shirt, he cupped as much of your chest as he could, keeping you in his hold as he gently massaged.

Stars. You saw so many stars.

“But, not—not as sore tonight,” you sighed, settling into his grasp. There were no worries evident to you right now.

All that mattered was Jake and his searing hot touch.

You felt him smile as close as he was, his lips almost connecting with yours as you fought back every desire to kiss him. “Yeah?” He whispered again, raspier, while his thumbs lightly grazed your hardened nipples through your shirt, your breath catching in your throat. “What do you need right now, baby?”

The moan that escaped your lips should have been embarrassing. But it wasn’t. Not at all. It fit quite well with the way his fingers continued in their path over your nipples, circling them. He was stealing every bit of air left in your lungs, making your eyes roll back in your head.

“Tell me, baby,” he growled, lips touching yours with each word.

Closing your eyes and biting your bottom lip, you answered silently. You, Jake. I fucking need you.

He returned to his grip underneath your breasts, over the shirt still, cradling them so well. . . Your body just fit with his. The touch of his hands cured even the most uncomfortable changes in your body.

You whined, not able to help the effect he was having on you and your aching body. “Jake, I need–.” Fuck.

No. This was wrong. He was drunk. Odds were, he wouldn’t remember this. You were the one letting it happen, letting it get much further than it should have.

“Tell me, y/n,” he repeated, brushing his thumbs once again over your taut nipples with more intent this time as your body began to tremble. “Tell me what I can do for you–.”

“I’m hungry,” you muttered out of nowhere, shaking your head as you effectively interrupted him. You pulled away, getting yourself out of another situation that could turn sticky real fast. (Yes, pun intended.)

And you really were very hungry. Hadn’t eaten for hours. So, it was the perfect mood killer.

“O-oh, yeah,” he breathily spoke, eyebrows dipping in just a bit as he dropped his stare. His long hair waved out around his shoulders when he shook his head. The sound of inebriated haziness was evident in his tone still, but you could tell he was quickly coming back to himself.

And that also terrified you. The moment just now. . . Had that brought him back? You’d seen his eyes brighten when you’d leaned into him.

He went to move past you, his body nearly meeting yours. You put out a hand, millimeters away from his heaving chest. But you couldn’t touch him yet. Not yet. Had to clear your mind.

“Want me to make something for you?” He wondered, sounding ready to help even amidst his tipsy state.

“I can do it,” you assured him with a small sigh and grin. “I’m capable.”

“You sure?”

“More than.”

Your eyes held one another’s for a heavy minute. He was trying to make sure you were being honest, you could tell.

You just encouraged him to believe your statement with a little pat to his warm, bare chest. Shit.

You had to go. Get out of the room. Make some damn food.

But he was right there. . .

No.

You quickly took your hand away before he could do something like hold it there. He didn’t get the chance, thanks to your reflexes.

Your hands interlocked under your belly as you peeked up at him through your lashes. “I promise. I do things for myself all the time. Please let me.”

“You don’t have to ask for–,” hiccup, the sobriety still not fully present. He held a fist over his mouth, trying to be polite. Your smile met your eyes, so gone for him. . . “For my permission, y/n. Seriously. I just want to help you however I–,” hiccup, his eyes bugged a little. The giggle that came from you couldn’t be stopped. “ I can. Jesus.”

“Go to sleep,” you tried, wracking your brain for the best possible plan for him to feel better. “I’ll be okay.”

“Nah. Not yet. Wanna take a shower first,” he iterated, eyebrows drawn together with the sureness of his plan. “It’ll help.”

“Okay,” you smiled, inhaling a breath before shaking your head and moving to open his door.

Rather than letting you get it, he raised his arm above your head, holding the door to do the job himself. You watched as he opened it wider, seeing his bicep flex with the action above your head. He’d opened it just enough for you to exit.

You connected eyes with his, looking at him over your shoulder.

The grin that lifted your features occurred on its own. Everything he did was making you swoon. The fucker.

He snickered a bit at you, his teeth coming to show past his pretty lips. Dimples fully present with his knowing smile. “Go eat,” he motioned with his other hand before stepping towards you, planning to exit behind you. “My baby momma needs sustenance.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

About forty-five minutes passed.

You’d eaten an entire box of macaroni and cheese. The noodles and yellow-y, plastic cheese weren’t making you want to gag anymore. Thank god, because it really was quite delicious.

Now, to wash your dishes and go to bed.

You’d just heard the shower shut off about ten minutes prior to the moment you heard footsteps approach in the doorway to the kitchen.

Jake.

“Will you come sleep with me?”

You spun to give him a questioning look from over your shoulder that held a million questions.

“Wh-what?” You stilled your task of washing the bowl you’d had your quick meal of macaroni and cheese in.

But, now, you weren’t thinking of mac and cheese. No, now you were thinking of what he just said.

When you’d looked over your shoulder at him, your eyes stuck naturally on the man standing at the doorway of the kitchen. The gesture that was meant to be quick, definitely turning into a whole-ass Jake Appreciation Fest.

Just like earlier that evening, there he was. Shocking every nerve in your system.

Pajama pants, slung low on his hips. . . his handsomely tanned and toned chest, still bare. His wet hair, laying on his pecs, dripping water onto each muscle. The drops of water made their way down his hard nipples, probably chilly from his shower, down his sculpted obliques and solid abdomen. . .

. . . And down, past the waistband of his plaid pajama pants. Your favorite ones.

The pursuit you took with your line of sight was unstoppable. You had to know if he was wearing them. . . And, to your complete gladness, you saw just enough of an outline of him as he leaned his weight on one foot. . . That was all it took to know. . .

“No, I’m not wearing underwear,” he smugly remarked.

His tone and words made your heart flutter and your cheeks become the deepest shade of crimson. Fuck. He’d caught you.

Deciding to ignore his little remark, you went back to washing the dish, still being held over the sink. In a much looser grip thanks to his comment. Gripping the dish tighter, you put all of your spinning nerves into washing it properly. You fumbled a little, but hoped he didn’t notice.

“What did you mean before? About sleeping together?” You tried, working to maintain enough attention on the dish that you wouldn’t drop it against the sink and break the thin Corelle.

“Just sleep,” he emphasized with a chuckle, sounding more and more like himself the longer he stood there. “Nothing more. Cross my heart.”

“Oh,” you offered lamely, heart thumping a hundred miles an hour in your chest, boobs suddenly aching for. . . Fuck.

Why was he asking you to simply sleep with him? What the hell?

God. . .

Should you? Was it a good idea? Well, no. You could answer that. It wasn’t a good idea. At all.

But. . . should you go lay with him? Maybe fall asleep in his arms. . . Would it help you sleep easier after your short, uneasy rest from earlier in the evening?

Shit.

You knew the answer. Knew the answer very well. Even before EMDR, when the bad dreams would occur, they were always better – tamed, happy, or gone completely – when you slept in the same bed as Jake.

“Yeah,” you said, not taking any more time to contemplate. “I will.”

“Alright,” he replied, sounding relieved behind you. Why did he sound so happy? Surely it wasn’t that big of a deal to him. He still had alcohol in his system. That explained it.

You rinsed the rest of the bubbles from the bowl when you heard him speak up again.

“Want me to wash it?”

“N-no,” you stuttered nervously and shook your head, focusing on the sudsy dish. “I’ve got it.”

“Okay. You full? Get enough to eat?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he answered, the smile evident in his tone. “Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t,” you reassured, willing your pulse to return to normal.

And, seconds later, you were hearing his footfalls against the carpet as he made his way back to his room.

Well.

Finishing the job of the bowl, – taking much longer than needed – you contemplated.

You guessed his tone was still a little wavy, but you knew better than to think he was still drunk.

He definitely wasn’t.

Had the shower helped that much? Had it been the moment in his room? Both combined?

After the equally clean saucepan was put away in the drawer below the oven, you dragged your feet a bit more as you went to check on Stevie and put some more food in her dish. When her tail swished across your calves, you felt a bit of calmness return to you.

Your heart was still thrumming in your chest. But you were able to slow your thoughts down enough to feel more at peace as you took notice of yourself in your full-body mirror.

Damn. . .oooo-kay, y/n. . .

Why did you suddenly feel completely confident in your body? You turned, getting every angle.

It just felt so great to not doubt your appearance. It was just like last Monday. You could get used to this feeling.

Your boobs looked fantastic and big under your gray t-shirt, nipples peaked as they most-often were these days. Your ass looked perfectly rounded out from the way it peeked out of your soft shirt. . . And, lifting your t-shirt, you looked at the little bump of your tummy.

The best addition to the entire look. Your grin was natural as you admired your baby. . .

Your tummy was growing steadily as you still sat on the bigger side of pregnant bellies. Your bump wasn’t a little subtle thing. No, it was an obviously pregnant belly.

Small, but definitely still noticeable. And it was just cute as hell.

After rubbing a gentle hand over the expanse of skin on your belly, you pulled your shirt back down over it.

And with a final fluff of your hair, you grabbed your Stanley from the nightstand before making your way to where you’d find sleep tonight.

You were just going to get good rest for your baby. It was for the baby.

That was what you worked to convince yourself of as you walked with quiet purpose to his bedroom.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Why did you come home?”

You were laying in his bed. Just like old times.

Except, in the past, where you would’ve most likely been naked, you were not tonight.

Everything else though? Same as always.

Your legs were tied into his, looped around his just right, playing footsie with him beneath the covers. Your head rested on his bare chest, your hand underneath your cheek as it laid so perfectly well on his exquisitely strapped pecs.

Oh, also. . . One more thing different than before: the bump. The baby, tucked snugly against his side where you were turned into him.

It was heaven. That was what it was.

A yawn emitted from deep in his chest. You knew sleep was finding him faster than you would’ve liked. Naturally, a little yawn found you as well.

Sighing heavily to follow the yawn, you felt his hand that laid above you come to comb through the strands of your hair. “I don’t like being away from you.”

Your heartbeat was heavy in your ears – did your best to ignore it.

“Was Maya mad?”

“Yeah.”

“Jake,” you scolded, for no reason. You didn’t give two shits about how she felt. But. . . you did care about his happiness – didn’t want to ruin his relationship when it made him feel happy and whole.

“She’ll get over it,” he reassured with another yawn that lifted your cheek with his rising chest. “She was drunker than I was.”

“Are you still drunk?” You pondered aloud with a yawn and a giggle, naturally emitting in his presence.

But. . . you knew better. Didn’t even have to ask. It just made all of this more understandable if he were to still be drunk. It made this easier to submit to.

You didn’t know why the prospect of simply laying beside him was harder to come to terms with than having his dick in your mouth. Just like it’d been a week ago.

Your cheeks heated at the thought. Of its own volition, your thigh came to momentarily graze past his crotch.

“Not really,” he answered, sounding a touch offended that you’d even asked. “Pretty sober now, honestly.”

The more coherent he sounded, the more intimidated you became. . .

Best to let him find sleep. You’d answer to this in the morning. . . For now, your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier by the moment.

“I believe you,” you settled with a contented yawn of your own, nestling into his chest. Couldn’t help it. Had to be closer.

You blinked, slower and slower. So sleepy — just felt so right in his arms. His hand came to hold the base of your skull as a thumb traced your head so lightly.

Goosebumps rose on your skin from his precious gesture. . . It felt so damn incredible.

“You should,” he iterated, his lips coming to meet the crown of your head, giving you a feather-light kiss.

And, within a minute, he was lightly snoring.

It took almost no time at all for you to follow him to slumber.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Just like you would’ve guessed, the bad dreams didn’t come that night.

. . .Because Jake made everything better. That was just it.

-🌼🌼🌼-

December 16, 2022

As you sat in the waiting room, you surveyed him and noticed he wasn’t wearing the Medusa medallion. The newer one you’d noticed on Monday.

“No Medusa?” You questioned, at a decent enough volume to not disturb the few other mothers and fathers in the waiting room. He flicked his amber-brown gaze over to you, caught in a trance by the beautiful, light decor of the clinic.

Once he looked at you, his eyebrows only dipped at your words, not understanding. You motioned to his neck with a slight flick of your wrist. “Your Medusa medallion. I noticed it the other night.”

He snorted, lips quirking in a small grin with a shake of his head. “That was a stupid gift I got from Maya’s little sister,” he explained, scratching the back of his head.

“Jake,” you disciplined his words, but you couldn’t help the tiny giggle that slipped past your lips. It was kind of funny that he found it stupid.

“What?!” He turned to you, a full smile on his face. You raised a faux disappointed brow at him and he contended that with his next remark, “Okay, yes, I know I shouldn’t call it stupid. Maya said it’s because of her sister’s little crush on me. . . But it was kind of funny that she showed up with it at her birthday party, for one,” he explained, crossing his legs at the knee. “And for two, Medusa? A Greek goddess? Since when is that my primary interest?”

You shrugged at that, a small smile stuck to your features. He was adorable.

He continued on, “For some reason, Maya struggles to differentiate between pirates and mythology. . . and no matter how many times I explain they’re different, she doesn’t catch on to it.”

He shook his head, tousling a hand through his long, wavy hair as he placed the other hand on his knee. His rings weren’t present today, so you got to truly appreciate the curvatures of his tanned, masculine hands.

“You should still acknowledge that Maya’s sister’s–what’s her name?”

“Kaia. K-a-i-a. . . Different from Maya’s by two letters. Sound the same, though,” he snickered.

Kaia and Maya. . . so they’re a rhyming name family. For some reason, the thought made you snort a laugh, a grin claiming your lips.

“I know,” Jake said, a little humorous in his own tone. “Kaia and Maya. Can we agree to not name our kids rhyming names?”

Our kids? As in, more than the one in your belly?

You took note of him and his reaction to his mistake, watched the way his eyes continued scanning the walls of the white and blush waiting room.

He seemed to not notice his mess up, still going about his business as usual. His foot tapped against the bamboo flooring to the beat of the classic rock radio station playing.

You decided to ignore his words. It had been a slip up. Just like your own slip up in the car the other day.

You, speaking of love.

Jake, mentioning multiple kids.

You both were just in a state of stress with the life change. . . it wasn’t anything. Just a couple mis-worded moments.

You continued on, looking down at your belly briefly, smoothing your hands down your sweater to flatten any weird lines. “. . .Kaia’s sentiment was kind. Her little crush is sweet,” you iterated, sounding more like a mom everyday. “I hope you told her thank you.”

He chuckled, raspy and light, at you. Switching your line of sight up to him, you saw his eyes read a sense of fondness as he cast his gaze on you.

“I did,” he smirked, winking at you. Your tummy fluttered with butterflies. “You are going to be a fantastic mom, y/n. I’ve known it for a long time and I know it more and more with your little coaching moments.”

Your heart went crazy at the thought of him imagining you as a fantastic mother. And he’d known it for a long time? How long? What did that mean?

“Thanks, Jake,” you blushed a light pink, matching the colors of the crepe walls. There was one more thing you wanted to say though.

“However,” you cleared your throat, glancing at him momentarily from the corner of your eye. He was heeding you, brow arched as he waited for your next words.

“I can’t say anything to excuse Maya’s non-acknowledgment at the obvious contrasts of pirates and mythology. They are two completely different beasts,” you emphasized, turning your full attention to him. He was still watching you. The flush was back in your cheeks. “I’ve seen enough of your documentaries about pirates and I’m an English major, for God’s sake. . . so I know these things.”

The way his features brightened was precious – like he was being seen.

And he was seen. He would always be seen if you had anything to say about it.

Also, you did know the difference, you weren’t lying. None of what you said was a lie. You’d said what you did because you needed him to know that you understood. His interests mattered to you and they should to Maya as well. They should matter to her more-so.

The moment was cut off quite quickly, though, as you were hearing your name being called to the back for your appointment.

You were about to see your baby again. With Jake. And you’d know by the end of the hour if it was a boy or girl. . .

The blood was pumping in your ears as Jake fell in step beside you on the way to the back. You smiled up at him, where you were met with his sparkling eyes. Both of you were obviously giddy with eagerness and excitement.

Your thoughts were filled with everything that was to come. All sunshine and pale colors – so much love.

Here we go. . .

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: ...i wonder if you can guess the name/gender after this chapter part... ;) see you soon (next part is almost finished, my loves) :) feel free to always come to my ask box or message box! i'm always down to talk when my adhd/anxiety doesn't attack me <3

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twstfanblog · 2 years ago

Text

*~Period Drama~* Saturday

Word Count: 4.7K (Wow, around the same as the last part) Warnings: Period mentions, Blood Drawing, She/They OC Pronouns Pairings: Mentioned Yuu/Azul/Jamil/Malleus Poly Enjoy! Start, Saturday (Here), Sunday (Heartslabyul), Monday (Savanaclaw), Monday pt2 (Diasomnia pt.1), Tuesday (Diasomnia pt.2), Wednesday (Pomefiore), Thursday (Scarabia), Friday (Ignihyde)

~Taglist~

@twistedcece @deltrea @krenenbaker @koebishrimpuwu @cat100200 @emyluwinter @obsessionswithfandoms @ady-hilborn @lucid-stories @girl-nahh-two @itz-hydrodeptus-foxy7 @chyluna @riddlesimps @death-the-jo @a-twistedheartslonging @qixlin @chaosistheonlyway @welcome-to-my-horde @abell2029cluster @kirans-wonderland @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @the-ace-reader @iamsoconfusedallofthetime @chroniccorvus @marvelous-maxi @prolonged-eyecontact @lozplayer @jabberwocky-warrior @thateldribitch @bun-lapin @mel1rose @ladyraeka @ladyzsgolla @kimdourden @noncreativepage-blog @girl-nahh-two @shironakuronatasa @colombia-chan @roseapov @anunholyabomination @koebi-channnn @noises-of-nothing @creatorbiaze

The group of Sophomores and Freshmen all stood outside on Ramshackle’s porch, some of them sitting on the old wooden steps. They waited as patiently as they could for Crewel to give them a final order. No more than ten minutes had passed before Crewel slammed open the front door. He looked their group over, coming to a conclusion in his head before he smacked the palm of his hand with his crop, “Octavinelle pups, you stay. The rest of you go on with your day.” “Wait, what!?”

“Sensei!”

“Why do they-”

Crewel smacks his palm again. The crack perfectly balanced with the hiss he gave, quieting the protesting group instantly. His glare softening at seeing their crestfallen faces, “Yuu will be in contact. I need to gather up the needed potions and resource materials. But for now, they’re resting and it would be best to have someone in the house with them. Both to get them whatever they need and to keep the unwanted out. Ergo, the Octavinelle mutts.”

Jamil frowns but doesn’t speak up. He knew that he would have damage control to do in Scarabia. Najma most likely had contacted Kalim in confusion from his call, not entertaining the thought of actually waiting on him to explain his bizarre question. Kalim would have only half the story and no context which was worrying enough, so he would clearly panic and amass the other Scarabia students for a witch hunt. He should stop at Scarbia before going back to basketball practice…

Deuce steps forward, imaginary puppy ears drooping as he mutters out, “Is Yuu at least okay? I didn’t see much, but it looked like a lot of blood…”

Sighing, Crewel walked down the stairs, gently patting Deuce on the head as he passed, “They’re fine, pup. I’m going to gather the Shroud boy and prepare a proper medical report. As far as we should be concerned, this is completely natural for Yuu, if a bit painful.” He reached into his coat, pulled out his pipe kit and started to fill it as he walked away, “But for now, Azul, Floyd, and Jade are to look after them until I come back. You other pups are to return to your scheduled activities and tell no one about this.”

Ace looked to the side nervously, thankfully unseen by anyone before he nodded and started to make his way down the path behind Crewel. Deuce sighs but nods, calmed by the info that Yuu was okay at least. He jogs down the path after Ace, none of them are really surprised when muffled yelling could be heard a little down the way.

Azul looked out of the corner of his eye, catching Jamil giving him an intense glare. The very fact Azul was picked over him would be enough to anger the Scarabian student. Let alone being picked by their lover’s pseudo-father figure as their keeper. He turns entirely to him, smiling and opening his mouth to pacify his lover-in-law before Jamil interrupts him.

Jamil turned his back on Azul, walking down the path to get back to campus. He quickly snatched Grim into his arms, ignoring the monster hissing and fighting his grip, “Just make sure they eat something high in iron.” That was all he said before he was also gone from view, walking past the row of trees acting as a fence of the property.

Silence passes the three students before Azul squeals, smiling wide and pumping his fist, “YES! He trusts me! You both saw that! He gave me his faith that I would tend to our lover. It’s only a matter of time before I can talk him into transferring!”

Floyd rolls his eyes, walking back into the house with a snickering Jade behind him, “Either you take care of my Shrimpy or they’ll kill you themselves…” he mutters under his breath, pout turning into a frown as the scent of blood hits him harder inside.

Jade’s own mirth decreases at the smell. He hums looking around the dorm. Yuu wouldn’t want the windows open, not to mention the smell would simply travel over the campus. The last thing they needed was Malleus smelling Yuu’s blood in the air. Seven could only think of the disaster that would bring. He looks up the stairs, only half listening as Azul enters the dorm to bicker with Floyd.

“-fact you would insinuate I wouldn’t take care of my pearl is insult enough, Floyd.”

“Ehe~? I just said Shrimpy wouldn’t let you slide with shitty service. You scared of a little blood, Azul~?”

“I will dock your pay-”

“I’ll go sit with Yuu, keep them company.” Jade smiled over his shoulder, already walking up the stairs. He pauses halfway up the stairs, tilting his head at their stares, “Unless I’m allowed free range of their meal?”

Floyd instantly perked up, rushing to the kitchen whining with a glare at his brother, “No way! You’ll make some weird mushroom thing that’ll make Shrimpy even sicker!”

Azul stays for only a moment before he follows Floyd, giving Jade one last look, “Do make sure my pearl is in good condition. If you can wake them up, ask if they would like a bath.”

“Will do.”

Jade parts with Azul, walking onto the second floor and toward Yuu’s room. He rested his hand on the doorknob and breathed in deep. Yuu’s blood was interesting, he’s always found it to be since he first smelled that foreign flora that no one could place. But that didn’t mean he wanted to smell it so strongly. He took in another deep breath in hope if he smelled it thoroughly enough the tightness of worry would loosen in his chest. Once calm he creaked the door open, knocking on it gently as he peaked his head in, “Yuu, I’m coming in.”

A simple groan answered him and that was acceptance of entry enough for him. He closes the door behind him and walks to sit in the armchair, moving it closer to the foot of the bed. Yuu had rotated since he last saw them. Now lying on their front with the blanket uncovering their calves, arms wrapped around a pillow and eyes closed. If it wasn’t for the brief moments of their eyebrows creasing in pain, Jade would think they were perfectly fine.

A few minutes pass before Yuu opens their eyes, vision slightly hazy from pain, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Jade smiles, leaning forward to poke their cheek, “I’m guessing whatever is going on is quite painful?”

“Very much, yes.” They groan, snuggling deeper into their pillow, “Periods are a bitch.”

“Azul said something about that. ‘Period’. That’s what it’s called?” When Yuu confirms, he leans back into the chair, humming under his breath. Now that things had calmed down, Jade couldn't help but call the whole scenario interesting. Finding differences in biology was always a fascinating venture, “Tell me about it.”

“Are you sure? It’s kinda gross and like…as you saw, pretty bloody.”

Jade chuckles, raising a hand to cover his mouth coyly, “I already said I want to know! Please don’t tease me in such a way!” He preens, feeling a small wave of pride at hearing Yuu laugh briefly.

“You’re so weird…Alright.” Yuu angled herself to look over to Jade, raising an eyebrow, “What do you wanna know?”

“Is the bleeding just the first step of it? Do you gain internal injuries to produce the blood? Is the pain a result of-”

“I’m gonna just…stop you right there…” Yuu took a moment, trying to not laugh again, not wanting to change their towels yet, “So…Periods are weird because I feel like I'm injured but it’s all natural because of hormones or whatever.”

“Your hormones make your internal organs stimulate injuring themselves?” he takes a moment to look around the room. Standing up to grab a notepad and pencil from Yuu’s desk before returning to the armchair, "We have basic health classes in middle school. But I've never heard of hormones causing internal bleeding."

“Eh…more like the hormones jumpstart a refreshing process? Not so much internal bleeding.”

Jade smiled wide, his pencil poised to write down every word they said, "Do tell.”

Azul texted Crewel to bring an iron supplement along with the pain potions. Yuu didn’t have any food besides snacks and her childish cereals in her kitchen. How Floyd managed to find enough items for a seafood alfredo was nothing short of a miracle by Azul’s standards. Sure it wasn’t high in iron like Yuu needed, but it would be warm and something for her to eat.

The two of them were still worried. How could they not be? Their dear friend was a floor above them basically bleeding out from an intimate area that shouldn’t be bleeding. Crewel’s behavior had calmed most of their nerves; Yuu strangely wouldn’t lie to Crewel nearly as much as she would any other teacher. And Crewel wouldn’t be half as calm if something had actually happened. But as Floyd had said to him, ‘It still felt gross’. All of them forced to twiddle their thumbs and wait for Crewel or Yuu to give them all the facts to dismiss their horrific theories.

Floyd scooped the pasta dish into a bowl, as Yuu preferred it, shoving a fork in it and walked past Azul. He didn’t bother to listen to Azul tell him to stop and wait for Yuu to get up from her nap or call for them. He didn’t want to. The only reason he cooked instead of Jade was because his brother couldn’t be trusted in a kitchen alone without shoving mushrooms into something. At least not while Azul was as distracted as he was. But he was just as worried as the others, Yuu was his Shrimpy. He’d share with his brother and Azul. But as far as he was concerned he was doing just that, sharing. Shrimpy was his to look after for as long as she hung around him. And he was already in a bad mood from earlier thinking he had failed her.

“Floyd, Yuu might still be sleeping, we shouldn’t bother them.” Azul scolded him, trying to keep his voice down while making sure it carried a harshness.

“Don’t care. I wanna check on Shrimpy…”

Azul kept quiet before he sighed. He pulled out his handkerchief, if Yuu was still sleeping he could cover the bowl so they could eat later. It would be lukewarm at best, but it’d be clean and ready for Yuu when they woke up, “Fine. Let’s go check on them…”

Floyd didn’t bother to knock, opening the door one-handed and ignoring Azul’s groan behind him, “Shrimpy~, you awake?”

Yuu rolled over, smiling with an edge of weariness, and waved, “Hi Floyd~.”

“Shrimpy!” Floyd nearly dropped the bowl onto the bed sheets, moving to hug and squeeze his best friend. The scent of blood was still strong but just knowing that his friend was okay was enough to keep him in a positive mood. Pulling away, he passes the bowl properly to them, “You doing alright?”

Yuu smiles as Azul moves quickly to place his handkerchief onto her lap, a small comment on the bowl being hot. She kept eye contact with the cecaelian until Azul turned away with a blush. But, she does place the bowl on her lower stomach, the heat helping more than the boys knew, “Thank you for the food. And no, I’m in pain.”

Floyd’s relaxed expression instantly changes, dropping into a frown and downward brows, “Why? What happened to make you bleed like this, Shrimpy? If we were in the ocean you’d be a chum magnet…”

Jade looked up from his notes, “Muscle tension.”

“Huh?” Both Azul and Floyd turned to him in confusion.

Jade taps at the notepad, showing the lines of neat handwriting with various questions sprinkled around it, “Yuu’s body is physically pushing the blood out by contracting their pelvic muscles. The involuntary spasms are causing some intense muscle cramps.”

Azul frowns, his hand moving to press on their stomach, almost trying to feel the sensation, “When will it stop? Losing that much blood can’t be good for you…”

Jade looked over his notes, sighing at his findings, “Yuu says four days normally.”

“Four days?” Both Azul and Floyd exclaimed, worry evident in their voices.

Yuu smiled, leaning against their pillows, “Seven is pretty standard.”

Azul whips his head back to Yuu, eyes wide and glasses nearly falling off his face, “Seven!?”

“How do you stop it?” Floyd looked the most distressed out of all of them, simply looking at Yuu’s lap with poorly veiled concern.

“Oh, Azul, you’ll love this.” Jade beamed, eyes reading over his writing, “This is apparently happening because Yuu didn’t get pregnant.”

…

Floyd turned to look at Azul, voice deadpan, “Azul, hurry up and knock Shrimpy up so we don’t have to deal with this.”

The scandalized look on Azul’s face makes Yuu burst into laughter, blood be damned. The cecaelian stuttered out a rambled form of scolding and excuses on how he couldn't 'Knock Them Up' and how it was no one’s business what he and his lovers did in the bedroom. He only grows more flustered seeing the smiles on the twins' faces, knowing they were internally mocking him and his distressed state.

He snaps his fingers, a golden contract appearing beside him. Gripping it fiercely, he points to the four names signed at the bottom, "In any case! Per our official ‘Quad Agreement’, only Draconia is allowed to impregnate Yuu and that's not to be in effect until they’ve both graduated!" With another snap, the scroll was gone, leaving Azul huffing and crossing his arms.

Yuu quiets their laughter, reaching out a hand to hold Azul’s, " Aw~. Are you mad you can't give me an octo-baby?"

"I'm mad you're in pain and the one way to stop this is something we can't do for years!" Azul does loosen his arms, both hands coming to cradle their outstretched one, "You've been acting odd all week before this whole bleeding mess even started. We were worried…"

Floyd pouts, resting his head on Yuu's shoulder, uncaring of how far he had to bend, "You punched me for trying to give you a piggyback ride, Shrimpy. Really hurt my feelings…"

"You had seemed quite lethargic the past few days." Jade gave a worried smile, tone clear in just how concerned the past events had made him.

Yuu looked at all of them in shock, looking at the slowly cooling bowl of pasta before they covered their mouth. The room was silent until Yuu closed their eyes and tried to fight back the whimper threatening to leave their throat.

"...Yuu-"

"You guys care so much about me…so much…" Yuu lets go of the bowl, both hands fanning at their face as their eyes well up with tears, "And I've been such a bitch to you." Their voice cracked and slid into a high-pitched wail as the tears started to fall.

Jade’s eyes widened, his mouth opening in a silent gasp as he quickly shared a panicked look with Azul, " O-oh, oh no."

The cecaelian babbled, stuttering under his breath and hovering his hands over Yuu’s body. He wasn’t sure if Yuu wanted to be physically comforted, or even touched, “Yuu? What’s wrong, are you in more pain? Do you need me to call Crewel!?”

Floyd hesitantly pats at Yuu’s head, not wanting a repeat of being sucker punched in the face the last time he touched an upset Yuu, “There, there Shrimpy. Just eat your food…”

Still crying, taking shaky breaths while gathering a collection of noodles and seafood on their fork, “You guys are so nice to me. And I’m a such a bad friend…”

Jade was subtly leaning away, pressing his back deeper into the chair as he eyed Yuu with mild suspension, “No…You’re a perfectly good friend to us, Yuu.” Hormonal changes would explain Floyd’s notice of Yuu’s scent being 'off'. He assumed the different levels had only affected their body as they had stated, but it seemed their emotions were just as susceptible. A moody Floyd is something he grew up with, he knew every tell Floyd could give. A hormonally moody Yuu was new and dangerous territory as far as Jade was concerned.

Even with their reassurance, Yuu’s tears wouldn’t stop. The three males grew more uneasy, simply watching their friend bleed on her bed and eat lukewarm pasta while she softly cried. They shared a look between the three of them before Azul stepped forward, a nervous smile on his face while he gently caressed her hair.

“It’s…it’s ok, my pearl.”

Yuu looked up, sniffling pitifully before pressing her head into his hand, “I’m sorry I’m so mean to you…”

Azul chuckles, pressing a kiss to their cheek before pulling away, “It’s ok. I will admit, I do like when you’re bitchy.”

The sweet air was gone in a second. Yuu’s crying stopped as though a switch was flipped. They glared up at Azul, “Why would you fucking say that!?”

“...” Azul looked to the side then back to her, pulling his hand back, “I-”

“So you think I’m a bitch!?”

“No?” The confusion in his voice was clear. He looked at the twins who were just as puzzled, the two eel-mers quickly shrugging at his silent question as to what he did.

They also had no clue how to proceed. Yuu would normally either let them in on, or at least make their goal clear when they toyed with Azul. But this sort of rapid-fire mood change was not in their MO. It was even more so than Floyd could keep up with.

Yuu turned back to their pasta, tears coming back full force as their anger disappeared, “You’re lying to me…”

“...Would you feel better if I thought you were a bitch?”

“Why would that make me feel better!?”

Hours later, Floyd opened the door, pouting at Crewel and Ortho, “Knifejaw…Hurry up and fix Shrimpy. They’re really mean like this and I’m sick of it.”

Crewel raised an eyebrow, walking into the dorm and waving a hand to send Ortho up before him, “Are they? More so than normal?” He said it with a jovial air, teasing his student since his own moods were the things of nightmares.

“Yes. If I felt like it, I would beg. I can’t handle them like this…”

“...”

Well, that was concerning… Floyd followed Crewel back up the stairs. Opening Yuu’s bedroom he realized that Floyd wasn’t kidding. Yuu sat on the bed, now cocooned in one of their blankets in Azul’s lap. Tear streaks on their cheeks and angrily sniffling between hand-fed forkfuls of pasta. Azul was sweating, nervous energy as though he were defusing a bomb and not feeding his lover. Jade sat in the far corner, chair pressed against the wall as far back as it could be and furiously writing notes.

Ortho beeped, eyes showing he was smiling under his mask, “Body scan complete! No external injuries are to be found!” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Yuu and resting his head on their shoulder, “I’m so glad you’re ok, Prefect Yuu!”

Floyd huffs from the doorway, glaring at the display, “Oh, he can hug you but I get punched if I try?”

Yuu glares, eyes just peeking through Ortho’s flaming hair, “I could never hit Ortho, he’s baby.”

“Prefect Yuu is right, I am baby.” The smug tone just barely heard from Ortho’s normal frequency of cheer. Looking up, his bright yellow eyes meet Yuu’s, “Oh! Just so you know, Ace told the rest of us what was going on in our group chat. Though Crewel-Sensei told me that no one was supposed to know. In his defense, the timestamp concludes that Ace gave the information before Crewel-Sensei's order to not tell anyone.”

Yuu looks over to their phone on the nightstand, sighing at the wall of text they’re sure is waiting for them, “God damn it.”

Sighing, Crewel waved his hand, “This is very cute, but Ortho you’re here for medical purposes. Let’s not get distracted.”

“Right!” Ortho stands up straight, holding out a hand as his other arm morphs to produce a syringe. “Prefect Yuu, may I have your arm to take a blood sample?”

Even though it looked like that was the last thing Yuu wanted to do, they managed to remove their arm from the blanket cocoon to place in Ortho’s waiting hand. Looking away while Ortho set to work finding a vein.

Crewel walked to the bed, grabbing a potion from his coat pocket and uncorking it in one fluid movement, “How are you feeling, pup?”

“Like I’m in pain. The same as three hours ago. What kind of fucking question-” A fork full of pasta and sauce was shoved into their mouth, cutting them off from cussing out their teacher/father. Azul smiled timidly when Yuu’s glare snapped to him. Muttering through their food as they chewed, “Don’t you ever fucking try to silence me with pasta, again.”

Waiting until Yuu had swallowed and taken a breath, Crewel shoved the opening of the potion bottle to Yuu’s mouth and forcibly made them drink it, taking care to not justle their arm while Ortho drew blood. He adored his pup. But he was not going to sit idle and let them bark at him like they had the right, “That’s nice sweetie. Take your medicine, you’ll feel better.”

He only let up once the flask was empty, pulling away and placing the glass back into his coat. Yuu’s glare slowly softens, tense body finally relaxing in Azul’s nervous hold. They sigh, dropping their head into the crook of Azul’s neck, nosing into the flushed skin before pulling away to rest their cheek on his shoulder, “Sorry…about threatening your life and stuff. Forgot how bad cramps were…”

Azul, slowly wrapped his arms around them, nuzzling into their hair, “It’s…ok? So long as you’re feeling better now. Were you truly in that much pain?”

Floyd hums from the doorway, folding his arms, “I guess I can give you a pass then. I don’t like being in pain either, it’d make me just as crabby as you’ve been…”

Jade nodded from his corner, but made no move to come closer, “And it’s been nearly 6 hours since the supposed start of all of this. Does the pain really last the whole cycle?”

Yuu nods, “Yeah…I normally take pain meds when I realize it’s started so I don’t feel the worst of it. I take another dose either daily or just when I feel the first dose wearing off. But I don’t have any potions in the house so I was gonna nap it off until Sam got my order to me.”

“All done!” Ortho spoke up, the vials of blood being placed in a secondary pouch for safety. Morphing his hand back, he placed his hands on Yuu’s lower stomach, tingles of something pulsing from Ortho’s fingers as he performed another scan, “In the most scientific phrasing you can, tell me what’s going on so I can add it to your file.”

Without missing a beat, Yuu answered, “My vagina is internally peeling and the liquidated lining is being pushed out.”

…

Ortho closed his eyes and stood up straight, arms resting at his sides. Turning around, he walked out of the room, brushing past Floyd and closed the door behind him.

“...” Azul looked at Yuu, the horror from earlier that day returning to his face full force, “Your what is what now!?”

The sound of Jade’s pencil scratching at the notepad starts up again, muttering under his breath about needing more paper. Rushing to the desk and flipping through notebooks for a clean page.

Floyd simply looked sick beside Crewel, the visual refusing to leave his mind.

“You know…” Crewel chuckled under his breath, more annoyed than mirthful, “That would have been a wonderful nugget of knowledge to have three hours ago.”

“I would have loved to not be in pain for half the day, but we don’t all get the raisin butter, do we?”

“Yuu.”

“It is really that different here?”

“Does blood come gushing out of female anatomy for a week? No, no it doesn’t. Yes, it’s different, puppy.”

Yuu sat quietly, looking down before raising their gaze back to Crewel, “I should probably pick up a book on the biology of this place…”

Crewel shook his head, annoyance clear in his expression while he pulled out folders from his bag, “Yeah, you really should.” Muttering under his breath about a ‘Dumb, adorable dog’ as he slapped the papers on the bedspread, “So to start, there is a similar process-”

Floyd opens the door, “Yeah, I’m leaving. I'm bored and kinda freaked out.”

“Bye, Floyd! Sorry for punching you again.”

“Bye, Shrimpy~! Don’t bleed out!” He slammed the door behind him.

Jade sighed, standing from the armchair, “I should make sure he’s not doing anything too destructive. Best of luck to yourself, Yuu.”

Yuu waves to him while he leaves the room. They look to Azul, raising an eyebrow in question, “You wanna leave too?”

Azul mused for a moment. Female health classes weren’t something he was required to know, nor wanted to know. Anatomy in the Coral Sea was extensive enough, adding on surface world versions couldn’t be too different in hindsight. He might need the info later on in his life, maybe for a deal. Maybe to use it for a creative writing class; would Yuu find it distasteful to write about their period in a horror setting?

“Azul?”

“I’ll stay.”

“Fine.” Crewel smacked his crop in his hand, twirling it to make the papers float and act as a physical PowerPoint, “Since you scared away the Shroud boy, I’ll have to do it this way.” Pointing toward a diagram of a uterus he spoke, “Luckily enough everything physical seems to be the same if your previous medical scans are anything to go by. Though, because you don’t have magic in your world, your bodies evolved a more… hands-on process.”

“Are you seriously telling me you bitches don’t get periods because you have magic?”

Azul slowly lifted a forkful of food to Yuu’s mouth, shakingly offering it like a sacrifice. He found that food was an easy way to calm their seemingly blind rage. He’d have to ask Jade for his notes later since he was too busy trying to keep Yuu and Floyd from snapping at each other. He softly breathes a sigh of relief when Yuu lets him stuff the food into their mouth.

Crewel watched the exchange silently before continuing, “Yes…The process here is done normally after a day at most. The body’s natural magic will flare up and revitalize the uterus lining instead of…removing it.” He waved his crop, a photo of a body and various systems replacing the first example, “As I’ve told you before, everyone in our world has magic naturally in their body’s cells simply from the magical byproduct of our world. So even if someone can not do magic, their body can still store magic to perform such cycles. It’s why scars are so rare here. Seeing how with modern medicine and cell restorative magic, healing has reached an almost perfect standard.”

Yuu was quiet, looking over the visual examples as Crewel continued his impromptu lecture. Leaning forward, they sighed out for so long it had morphed into a cry. They simply pushed away from Azul, ignoring him when he tried to comfort them. Turning away, they landed face first into the mattress and cried into their pillow. Through their sobs, muffled by the cushion they yelled, “This fucking sucks! I can’t even bitch with anyone else about how much this hurts!”

Azul looked at them in worry, barely noticing the red smears on his pants, “My pearl? Do you want pasta? Pasta makes it better right?”

“Azul, I’m getting real tired of you trying to feed me. I’m not a fucking wild horse you can soothe with delightful seafood pasta!”

…

Crewel raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the offered bowl in Azul’s shaking hands, “So do you not want the pasta-”

“Yes, I want the fucking pasta!”

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #octavinelle #yuu oc #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #jade leech #papa crewel #twst crewel #divus crewel #ortho shroud #malleus x yuu x jamil x azul

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