#so i'm thinking that's more original human personality they couldn't program away because it's too deeply ingrained
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The way he's awake and listening to every word coming out of their mouths and they either don't seem to notice or care is fucking me up ngl.
#antireset#this entire thing feels so sus to me#i dunno i just feel if you're creating something to be as human as possible#then you should be the first ones showing it some goddamn empathy#i'm also highly doubting he's entirely machine in the first place but we'll see i guess#this entire 'i went to school here here and here' spiel?#giving me mad scientist recreating the son he lost in a tragic accident vibes#also the afraid of thunder thing in the trailer#like what sick asshole programs some trauma into their android on purpose#so i'm thinking that's more original human personality they couldn't program away because it's too deeply ingrained
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Heyyy Steve... could you tell me about Larissa Elliot? From the fragments I've seen on this blog, she(?) seems awesome.
Yes! Thank you so much for asking! Larissa is amazing and I love her dearly. A lot about her is kind of hidden in the beginning of the story, until the search team uncovers more about what happened. This got away from me, so I'll put it under the read more.
Larissa is in her mid 30s. She was the doctor on the original crew of the Ichthyoid. She always wanted to work in medical research, but she couldn't get into that program (many of those jobs went to children of citizens). However, she was accepted into the MD program and hoped that after her contract was completed she could transition to clinical trials at least. Her mentor was working on an implant to help stimulate tissue growth, and she really hoped to be a part of that project. She thought that his ideas could push humanity far beyond their current capability.
She met her mentor not during her medical training, as you might expect, but when she was a teenager. Her parents died when she was young in an accident, and she became a ward of the corporation they were citizens of, Apollon. She was in the central library of Apollon studying when her mentor went to the desk to ask for assistance in finding a biomedical textbook. When he noticed that she was eavesdropping, he struck up a conversation and quickly took her under his wing.
She was never much of a 'people person' and didn't interact with the other crew members more than she had to. She chose to offset her sleep/wake cycle so that she had a smaller chance of running into them. However, she would talk to the chemist, Ada, to discuss the experiments they planned to run when they reached their destination. After a few late nights talking, Ada confessed her feelings for Larissa and they started to date. This was against company policy, but fairly common on long haul missions, so they barely tried to conceal it.
Outside of work, she was a voracious reader, having read just about every book published on biomedical engineering in the past 10 years. She kept in touch with her mentor. She didn't have many other people to talk to, because her former classmates were often on long haul or confidential missions, where communications were heavily restricted. She missed her best friend and left messages on her personal device frequently, hoping that she would return and contact Larissa before she left on the Ichthyoid. She never did hear back from her.
Now, the things you've seen me tag her in might make you think I'm leaving something out, and I am! But it's super integral to the story so I can't give too much away :P
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Deviantart Anniversary/Story
I forgot to post this two days ago so here it is. Warning, it's a long story so I hope you have a free time to read.
I created my very first social media account was Deviantart on October 6, 2007. I was living in Orlando for attending college and it was my first time being away from home, renting an apartment, and creating my own account. I started college in July 2007 and was majoring for Multimedia Design(which changed into Digital Media). A week after I started my second quarter, I decided to create my DA account. Quick note, here's the link of what Deviantart looks like back in 2007 by using Wayback Machine so you can get the idea.
Before I made my account, I first discovered the site back in early 2006 when I was browsing through Kingdom Hearts fan site and went to the gallery page section. It was showing fan art from other fans with links of their social media sites(MySpace, Deviantart, etc.). One pic I found was none other than the artist is called Keysha-chan as she was a huge Kingdom Hearts fan and drew them as cute chibis by using Copic markers. I checked out her DA page and I was amazed of her talent as she's the same age as I am. She not only drew KH but she also drew Final Fantasy, Fullmetal Alchemist, Jax and Daxter. She even made her own manga by creating her original characters, Elemental Goddess. She's no longer on Deviantart as she's now active on Instagram(which I follow her) and changed the username to KeyshaKitty.
After I created my DA account, she was the first person I watched. I saved the tutorials such as the markers and plushies. I learned some of it as I'm still learning how to use markers(you'll probably see some of them on my Tumblr page). She was the reason why I created my DA account. Back then, there was a lot of great art; fan art, original art, photography, CSS layouts, etc. There was no AI, people don't mind the 'cringe' art, no one accused you of being 'racist/homophobic/etc.', no SJW's, no walking on eggshells, and so forth. Sure, there was art theft and some trolls but nothing too major like what's happening on Twitter/X or on Facebook today.
I posted my first journal entry and introduced myself then went on following/faving spree.
I couldn't post my artwork till two days after I made the account because I didn't have printer/scanner back then and can only rely at college. It was Sunday when I first logged in and the school was closed. I couldn't upload my pics on Monday as I was starting my class and stay behind to use their Photoshop programs(back then, I didn't have Photoshop). I posted this pic on Tuesday as it was my OC's(which it needs some serious update and I'm making changes) while using some Photoshop. Please excuse my crappy pic as I didn't know what Mary Sue was or that the anatomy was way off. I am planning to remake the pic in the future.
As the date says, I was using the school's computers to put together my pic and it was before I made the account.
I later posted few more pics; two of them were my oil paintings I made when I was sixteen and one photo of Lake Placid, FL that my family used to go on weekends.
Later on, I watched another user who goes by Lily Pily and she was a big Nightmare Before Christmas/Corpse Bride/Kingdom Hearts fan. I read her crossover fan comics and loved her OC's which she became the first deviant to do an art trade with. I asked her if she can draw Emily from Corpse Bride while she asked me to draw her OC also named Emily. This is not my best pic of her as I'm still learning how to draw humans.
I'm also planning to redraw her as well. I'm hoping to follow Lily Pily's other social sites but I don't think she has any besides Deviantart. I still want to keep following her for her art.
I finally got around to post my first DA ID but I kinda traced the figure from the books so you can see how different it is(not proud of it hence why I later took it down).
My god, that pic looks awful! Tracing doesn't help either so it certainly does not make my pic better. The dress is so much cringe as it was based on my old Halloween fairy costume but the colors are just, ugh!!! The wings aren't very good and the pastel colors doesn't mix very well with the dress. This is why I took the pic down a year and a half later. This is what my fursona looked like back then before seeing the current version you see today. There's a reason why I don't like tracing nor using bases(like what I did on my ponysona for Neocities) because it just limits me from doing things. I want to be in control of things.
During 2007 and 2008, I didn't really gain any watchers except two who I know in real life. I also didn't get faves nor comments either until 2009. It was because of two things; one is that I didn't socialize with others nor joined clubs(before it turned into groups) hence why I lack of gaining watchers. Second is that my art was mostly non fan art and I just focused on creating my OC's but sadly, no one was interested in them. :( It wasn't until in 2009 is that I bought myself a digital camera from Walmart and started taking photos. Once I posted them on Deviantart, that's when I gained more watchers, comments, and faves. I still owned this camera to this very day.
Yeah, I used Adobe Illustrator to draw my camera. Loved that camera!
I took a bunch of photos mostly from theme parks and city downtown as well as flowers and birds. So photography is one of the reasons why my page is getting attention but another thing I've done is creating crystal orbs for fun.
Those gained a lot of popularity. Then I started to create my Fakemon, Faerie Mews based on the elements.
The first one was a Fire Faerie Mew(the other is the Chinese Fire Faerie Mew) then I created four more. I ended up making a final pic of four main elements. I really loved making them and I am planning to remake them in the future. I do want to finish the Chinese Elemental Faerie Mews as I only did one but didn't get around to finish.
I would love to post more of my old DA artwork here but I'll have to save it for other time as I can only limit on how many I can put in this post. I just wanted to post the story of my DA anniversary to share it with everyone.
If your asking me about my DA account, don't bother because I closed it back in January due to the site being overrun by AI and the admins stopped caring about the artists. I already removed my pics a year before they allowed AI(thank god I did that) to make it easier for me to clean up and deactivating the account. I've been on DA for fourteen years(fifteen if I choose to stay) before calling it quits.
So now I'm moving on here, Inkblot, Square, and Neocities to post my art. Hopefully you guys enjoyed my long ass story.
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Drift away
Previous. Next
[The human realm, unknown amount of time after The night house]
Luz threw on her green jacket and beanie. She packed up the empress cloak in her bag. Mostly because the empress refused to leave it behind. Her backpack contained potions and other magical essentials. This trip was supposed to be short. Just take a peek at how their mother is doing and return back to the Isles.
But having some creep be the first person she found raised a few questions. She'd seen him install cameras around the property. Originally, she'd thought he was just some stalker she could scare off. That is until she followed him to the Gravesfield historical society. She caught a glimpse of herself on the live feeds. Except she didn't recall wearing those clothes.
After "dispatching" one Jacob Hopkins, she used his very cameras to track this doppelganger. Her short trip turned into a lengthy holiday from her business in Bonesbourgh.
Neither her nor the empress wanted to leave their mother alone in this situation. But the empress was too eager to just wipe out this imposter. Luz couldn't make a move until they were both in agreement, which end up taking a while.
Staying at the museum, the two used Mr. Hopkins own credit cards to fund their own mission. The museum's "under new management" sign was still up. No one really knew him that well. On the few times visitors popped up, Luz just claimed to be part time help and her boss had stepped out or was busy elsewhere.
Finally, after who knows how long, the empress appeared to have a cooler head.
Ironically, Luz grew more agitated as time went on. They believed they had a fair enough grasp on the Noceda family routine. Until the doppelganger appeared on be uneasy about something. She was spotted sneaking out at night and covering up more around Camila.
Her identity as a basilisk was caught on video. Her majesty had read up on basilisk while staying at the New Coven HQ.
Now, homecoming was a go.
[Human realm, the forest]
Fearing the basilisk would smell them, they used potions and other small magical items as bait. Sure enough, being a "nerd" paid off. The serpent like creature was caught on a line, close to where Luz originally ran off to.
Luz: "So, you definitely know about how to find magic. That's good. Oh, before I forget. I'm Luz, Camila's real daughter. And..."
She zipped right up and clamped Vee's mouth shut. The young girl's hand had a mighty grip. Weak nerd arms aren't what this human is packing.
Luz: "I'm not alone here. Between the two of us, my friends would say, I'm the reasonable one. So, don't say the wrong thing, please. I really just came back to check on my mom."
Vee just stared up in fear. This was a human. But up close, she could detect a strong sense of magic coming from her. But how come she didn't get a whiff of it until just now.
Luz: "I'm going to let you talk now, ok? And when I do, you're going to answer my questions. You get what I'm putting down?"
The basilisk nodded.
Luz removed her hand and stepped back.
Luz: "Who are you? Why are you pretending to be me?"
Vee: "I'm num... Vee. My name's Vee. And I'm just looking for a place to belong."
Time went on and Luz was brought up to speed on Vee's situation. Apparently, after
Belos' death, the basilisk program was buried as well. No one showed up, most likely thinking they'd perish on their own. But Vee alongside others managed to escape. The commotion caused by Luz's banishment attracted attention of other basilisks. After catching the aftermath of that moment, the basilisks kept searching for anything of the banished empress witch. Vee just so happened to find the portal Luz used when the empress returned. The one inside the grom tree. Not wanting to waste any time, she dove for it as it was closing. Through shared information, Vee heard rumor the empress being human. But rumor also had it, humans cannot do magic. A couple of pictures( aka old wanted posters) painted a decent enough picture for Vee to copy. She would run into Camila, by chance. The story Vee spun was that she had memory loss after being captive for so long. Camila has been kind and didn't want to press too hard for details. She just seemed happy to have her daughter back. After that, it was just a matter of adjusting to human life in Connecticut. She figured if Luz Noceda wasn't here by now, maybe she didn't want this life?
The more Vee briefed Luz on what had happened so far, this sense of emptiness consumed her. All this time, she'd been trying to rush things.
Luz: "I've hurt my friends, my family, my... Amity. I thought... if I could finish ASAP, then I could show them. This would be worth it, all of it."
Bitter anger rose as she failed to get a grip on these emotions.
Luz: "I'm stuck with her! But at least, at the end, it'll all be worth it! Right?! I'm not... hurting people isn't worth it unless..."
When did she put "unless" in that sentence?
Luz: "Mom?"
Luz started walking, but a vision of her partner blocked her path.
Empress: "What about her?"
Luz didn't even bother with that question, walking through the hallucination.
Luz: "I just... need to go home."
[Noceda household]
Just before heading inside the Noceda household, Luz tucked her long bangs under her beanie. She remembered Vee kept "Luz" hair short.
Her mother was in the kitchen. She danced to "I need to know" like no one was watching.
Luz(voice breaking): "Hey, mom. I'm back."
She tried to keep it together as she uttered those words.
Camila: "Mija, when did you go? I thought you were in your room?"
She came close to breaking down, right then and there. But she sat down and caught herself. Her mother scooted her chair next to the troubled teen.
Camila: "¿Qué pasa? I won't know unless you tell me?"
Suddenly, resentment towards her mother began to rise up. Was it the empress? Luz tried to shut it down, but it was too late. The empress swiped control right out from under her. She lifted her head, tears still resting on her eyes.
Empress(growling): "You never did get your own daughter, huh?"
The empress didn't want to reveal the slight red glow in her eyes. She was Luz's fears, doubts, insecurities, and anger given voice. She was too upset and too tired of Luz holding her back so many times.
Camila was caught off guard by her daughter's growl. Meanwhile, Luz was back to how things used to be. The empress in the driver's seat, while she's screaming for others to get away.
Empress(agitated): "You never did understand the daughter you got, right? You never knew how many times I really tried to be me? That one day everyone, even you, would accept me. For every bit that I am, weird and all."
A slight flicker of red hue flashed on her fists, under the table.
Empress(practically screaming): "That camp... that's what you wanted, right? You wanted to make me someone else's problem, right? I'm too much for anyone to handle. Everyone just wants to be rid of me. Everyone'll just keep their distance until I'm gone. The world'll be a happier place without me, right?!"
Luz begged the empress not to hurt their mother. She could feel experience everything the other was feeling in that moment.
Empress(gritting their teeth): "And now, after all this time, I feel like hurting is all I'm going to know."
Camila stayed quiet shortly after that. She then gently got up and reached for something on the counter.
Camila(speaking softly): "I really thought, after you came back, the worst was over. But that was just me kidding myself. I guess we both had our fantasies. I had nightmares of you in danger. I worried about finding you cut and bruised out in the night. Then, I'd know I was awake because of my tears. I woke up from one nightmare and started the same one, over again. I used have one about you not being able to make friends, back before you disappeared. I missed the days when that was my worst fear."
She placed a small aluminum swan in front of her daughter.
Camila: "I know you threw out the old ones. But I was kind of hoping you'd be a little more impressed. I wanted to amaze you with how good I got at making these. Something we could share together. But whatever happened, it changed you alot from who you used to be. And I still love you regardless. You've made some new friends. But I can still see you constantly looking over your shoulder. I didn't want to pry. But if we're opening up, why now? What happened, mija?"
The empress did something unexpected. She grabbed Luz and tossed her behind the wheel. It took her a moment to process that she was back in control.
Luz: "I... hurt a friend. Someone special to me. I was doing some stupid stuff and people got hurt."
Camila: "Starting up our old ways?"
Luz: "Just trying to find my way back."
Camila: "I've seen your friends. I'm sure you both can figure something out. But it can't be just one of you doing it on your own. Remember what I told you?"
Luz: "Nada funcionara a menos que lo haga funcionara."
Camila: "Hurting is a lot of life. But it isn't the only thing. You're a strong girl. I've seen you get back up, time after time. You just never quit. Honestly, I doubt you even know when to, if ever. But, no, never think the world's better off without you. At least, my world isn't. My world isn't all light. But it isn't all dark, either. There are days I hope I make you proud. Because everyday you were with me, I couldn't think of a better name for you. Luz, you're the brightest light I've ever seen in this world. I'm sorry I didn't see that huge shadow following you. It's true what they say. The brighter the light, the darker the darkness. I thought I lucked out with you. Because you shine a light so bright, people in space could see it. Even now, things are different from how they used to be. Hurting isn't all you're going to know. Just like how people aren't always going to run away from you."
The Nocedas embraced in what felt like a long time coming.
Camila: "You already admitted to doing something wrong. But now you remember that you're a human being. Both of you are going to make mistakes. And, yeah, I made a lot of them, too. But right now, I just want to hug you until you're ready. So, whatever you want to say, go for it."
She didn't say anything. She just held on and let the tears flow as they might.
Later, while Camila was asleep, Luz snuck in with a pair of memory tweezers.
Luz(whispering): " I really hope these things work in the human realm."
Empress: "Probably should have tested them on that curator guy."
They pulled the memory of last night and held it in their hand.
Luz: "Te amo, mama. I can't repay you for everything you've done for me. Not just yet. But I can at least let you live with the daughter you always wanted. Just a bit longer..."
Conflicted about burning it, they decided to let chance decide what to do with it. One coin flip later, they walked back towards Vee.
[Human realm, the forest]
Still tighted up and frightened, the basilisk saw the young girl approach. Luz grabbed her backpack and pulled out a crystal ball.
Luz: "Mom likes you so much, she doesn't even realize I've been gone. I'm so different; she could tell in an instant I wasn't you."
Vee was still shocked that she couldn't get a whiff of Luz's magic. She could smell the items in her bag, but nothing from the girl 6 feet from her.
Luz: " You get to be mom's kid for a while longer. But you better not get the wrong idea. I'll be back after I make things right. If anything happens to her, my partner is going to make you pay."
The human girl glanced to the side.
Luz: "She has something to say to you. If you mess up, she wants you to look into the crystal ball."
A crimson aura surrounded the latina. Vee couldn't miss the strongest sensation of magic, flooding her nose. Out of fear, she grabbed the ball. It just happened to be the only thing within reach.
Empress: "I have just four words for you."
Vee shrieked at the vision inside. The orb was set to show its beholder a petrifying possibility.
Empress: "Give me some ideas."
#Broken! Luz AU#the owl house#luz noceda#empress luz#Vee#Vee Noceda#Camila Noceda#toh#luz the human#angst#story i pieced together#possible trigger warning
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Last night i really really couldn't sleep (tfw you've been an insomniac since you were like 9-) so I thought I'd do the trick by writing about kamuegi sleepless nights headcanons! Unfortunately that turned out to be counter-productive as I ended up with a semi-drabble and passed out before I could post it >:"D (the world works in mysterious ways ig-)
Staying up late
• Naegi has trouble sleeping often- he doesn't seem the type, but he's an insomniac
• Kamukura too
• Kamukura doesn't find it as much of a problem- after all, he's superhuman; he doesn't need as much sleep to be fully recharged anyway.
• Naegi... does
• They stumble upon each other once. Naegi is making his way out of the kitchen, and bumps into him, accidentally spilling his glass of water all over the other's shirt.
• He's extremely apologetic, and insists on accompanying Kamukura, to make sure he changes his shirt.
• Kamukura asks him why he's still awake, and, flustered, he makes up a lie about having drank one cup of coffee too many, caffeine still in his system.
• Kamukura sees right through it.
• "You are thinking about her, aren't you?"
• Naegi flinches.
• "How'd you know?"
• He recognises the momentary look of despair that flashes across Naegi's face when he thinks he isn't looking- it's one familiar to anyone who's crossed her warpath, guns blazing, despair dialed up to eleven. Naegi's unusually powerful optimism and his hope is his shield, but even he is not completely immune to it- he is only human, after all, even he must lose sleep to the nightmare known as Junko Enoshima.
• For reasons he can't quite explain, the thought... bothers him.
• "Would you like to see the stars?" He asks, the question leaving his lips before he can properly process it.
• Naegi looks at him, a surprised expression on his face, before he suddenly lets out a laugh- looking a little embarrassed at letting it slip. "Ah- no- sorry-" he smiles, "it's just- you mean, right now-?"
• "Yes."
• His amusement turns to confusion, "Wait, really-?"
• "Indeed," and without elaborating further (he doesn't like to waste time on boring himself with explanations, when his actions are easily enough to speak for him), gently takes ahold of Naegi's wrist. He only feels the slightest hesitation, before the other lets him lead the way, and they've made it to the rooftop.
• There's a gentle breeze, and it softly sweeps Kamukura's locks into the air, strands of smooth inky blackness swaying in the wind.
• Naegi fights the urge to reach out and run his hands through them.
• To his surprise, there's already a blanket, pillows, and even a lawn chair and umbrella waiting for them.
• "Do you... come out here often?" He asks. He wasn't even aware this was a part of the rooftop. It's fairly secluded, one that lets you see the open sky above them without a problem, but is hard enough to spot from the ground, unless you really knew what you were looking for.
• "Yes," Kamukura replies, sitting down. He doesn't gesture for Naegi to follow, or pat the ground, like some of his other friends would, but he looks at him and tilts his head ever so slightly, which Naegi can tell is enough for him to encourage him to follow, so he does.
• "Wow..." He simply gazes up above them, revelling in the sight of hundreds upon thousands of stars above, the way they sparkle majestically amongst the vast sea of outer space, like diamonds laying atop thick, rich-hued velvet of pink, purple and blue, blanketing the sky.
• Kamukura watches him, and the sight of the stars reflecting in Naegi's eyes, the light in them mirroring the sky, that twinkle, unique to Naegi, and Naegi alone, makes something in his chest twinge.
• It's an unfamiliar feeling-
• How exciting.
• He shall have to bring Naegi out here more often.
• Naegi turns to him, and his breath catches in his throat.
• "Thank you," he says.
• It is uneeded.
• "Why?"
• "For bringing me here," the other replies. "I know this place must mean a lot to you. Ah-," he scratches his cheek, a gesture Kamukura finds... oh- is this what they mean when they say, 'endearing'?
• "Sorry. I know the others can be kind of... loud and stuff at times." Why is he apologising on their behalf? "And, well, this is all new to you, isn't it? That can probably be kind of... overstimulating sometimes, right? And I guess you'd want a space to yourself, to get away to and be in peace at for a while. To think. You're pretty smart, after all. You need your 'thinking time'. I know you need a breather now and then to process everything," he chuckles, the sound is light and sweet amongst the cool summer air, "I mean, they're my friends, and even I need a break from them once in a while, so-" he smiles again (always smiling, doesn't he ever get tired of it-?), "thank you. I'm sure this place must mean a lot to you. I'm really glad you feel comfortable enough to bring me here! I appreciate it."
• He's smarter then he looks- this is something Kamukura has come to realise from the time that they've spent together, and yet, still, he's found himself surprised by it. Naegi's intelligence, his skill, comes from a place elsewhere then his books or his hands- it comes from his heart, his emotions, something Kamukura was never able to fully understand, was never programmed to-
• They always deemed emotions unnecessary. Believed it would hinder his talent, that the key to success, to hope, lied in absolute mechanical operation, and the unwavering pursuit of more, more talent-
• Looking at Naegi now, he wonders how they could have ever been so wrong.
• "Oh- um- sorry, I didn't mean to get all excited there for a second," He trips over his words a little, eager to fill the silence, and yet, Kamukura does not mind. The sound of his voice is not grating upon his ears like that of others, it's less like a fly buzzing around his ear, and more like the flapping wings of a bumblebee, a gentle thrum that is strangely soothing, a sound sweet like honey.
• "You overestimate the importance of a place like this to me," his words aren't cold, merely the simple truth. "It's somewhere for me to stay. That's all."
• Naegi shakes his head softly. "Nah, that's exactly my point Kamukura. It's your place- your spot. The fact that you can call it your own, that makes it special. Especially since, ah, um-" he looks to the side, "I'm guessing they never really let you have anything like this before, huh?'
• His... 'spot'. He tries out the word in his mind. What a crude, and simple way to refer to it.
• And yet... he thinks he might like it.
• "Yes," he answers honestly. "I had no need for personal belongings or even... 'spots'. They weren't needed to cultivate my talents."
• "Geez," Naegi mumbles to himself in exasperation, running a hand through his hair. Kamukura knows the frustration isn't directed at him, and yet that makes it all the more intriguing to witness.
• "I still can't believe- that- that they treated you like that," he mutters angrily, more to himself then the other, "like you're- like you're not even a person! Like... like you can't have thoughts or feelings of your own. Like- like you don't deserve to be treated like everyone else-!"
• "I don't deserve to be treated like everyone e-"
• "Don't," Naegi softly warns him, though they both know it's more for his sake than Kamukura's, "please. I know that's what they told you but- you do. You're still... a person. You're still human."
• Kamukura isn't really sure if he still qualifies as even that anymore, but, for once, he deems it better to not speak that thought aloud.
• The breeze picks up, turning into a sharp gust of wind. It causes Naegi to shiver a little, goosebumps rippling along his exposed skin, already cool against the night air. He starts to wonder if it's time to regret wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts to sleep, when he feels a warm material envelop his shoulders, and a weight shift next to him.
• "Kamukura-?" The other has pulled a blanket over them, and shuffled closer, so that it wraps neatly around him also.
• "You were cold. I thought this to be the best course of action," he says, though, even in the pale moonlight, Naegi can't help but notice the (very faint, but still there-) rush of pink lightly dusting his cheeks. Kamukura's sharp red eyes pierced his own, and yet, their gaze was... hesitant.
• Naegi blinks a little, before his expression softens, exhaling with the slightest bit of amusement. "Of course," he hums. The sudden intimacy between them hasn't gone unnoticed, but he... doesn't mind it. "Thank you."
• They sit in silence for a while.
• Naegi doesn't often see the stars. Sure, he would try a few times back home, on cloudless, sleepless nights, not entirely unlike this one. The light from streetlamps and nearby houses would drown it out, however, the city's constant glow in favour above the natural visibility of the stars.
• They're as beautiful as he'd imagine, out here, away from it all.
• Occasionally Naegi will point to a group of stars, and ask which constellation it is. Kamukura will take his hand, and, (to his embarrassment) redirect it to the actual constellation. He'll then explain, it's origins, the story that is behind it's conception. It's 'useless' knowledge, but it's knowledge he has nonetheless, and Kamukura is... happy, he supposes, to finally have someone to share it with, not for the sake of a test or practice, but because someone just... wants to talk to him about it. (And as selfish as it is, Naegi is secretly glad to be that person-)
• Naegi talks, about his parents, his sister, his friends, about the life Kamukura never had, and never thought he wanted to. He knows it's not much, but it's all Naegi's known, and he's content with it. Kamukura never thought there would be any point to a life like that, but if it's the one that made Naegi the way he is now... maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all.
• At one point, a shooting star suddenly soars across the sky, and Naegi gleefully points it out (he wonders what it's like to be delighted by such a simple thing...), "Kamukura! Did you see that?"
• "I did," he replies, and just as the words leave his mouth, another one follows.
• "Woah! Two shooting stars in a row! Talk about lucky," and Naegi is so happy, so pleased by this small event, it's as if it spills into Kamukura himself, and he's...endeared by it.
• "Yes, it is." His voice is... fond.
• Naegi insists that they both make a wish. Kamukura knows that it's impossible, and Naegi does too, that an act as insignificant as wishing upon a 'shooting star' (not even a star, really, but a lump of space rock falling through the atmosphere, hitting it at a high speed and burning up in a rather aesthetic display of combustion) can possibly change their fate in any way, but-
• He makes one anyway.
• It's an unusual feeling. Wishing for something. It's wanting for something... a desire...
• It's not all that different from hope.
• How funny, he thinks, that the two are so connected, and yet the people who expected hope from him never asked, never expected him to want or wish.
• (Unbeknownst to the two of them, their wishes are exactly the same.)
• Naegi tells him his favourite flower. "I don't really know why, but I've just always found hydrangeas to be my favourite. I'm not sure why," he laughs. "They're pretty I guess? Especially the blue ones."
• Kamukura briefly considers telling him the meaning behind the flower, but decides against it.
• Naegi asks him for his own favourite flower- but he cannot think of one. He can acknowledge and recognise which are considered more "beautiful" or popular, but in terms of personal preference... he has none.
• "What are those red ones... ah... um- carnations! That's it! Those kind of remind me of you... ah, because of your eyes," Naegi smiles bashfully at him.
• (He decides against mentioning the meaning behind those, as well-)
• They stay there until the morning comes, watching as the sky blends from black, to purple, to pink, to orange, to yellow, and then finally, blue. The stars slowly fade, dimming like nightlights in the sky, being turned off as if to fall asleep themselves.
• Naegi yawns, stretching. "Aw man... I think I'm gonna sleep in a little today..."
• When he returns to his bed, he promptly blacks out, all thoughts of a certain Ultimate Despair having been vanquished entirely.
• If anyone asks that day, why Naegi seems so tired, or why Kamukura is even more quiet then usual, the two will share a knowing glance, and return to what they were doing, with a small smile (or twitch of the mouth).
• The next night, Naegi finds himself needing a glass of water again. Kamukura is in the kitchen. They walk.
• It's not at all uncommon for the two to be perched upon the rooftop. Rain or shine, day or night. They'll often be nursing a drink in their hands too, a hot cup of tea, or an iced one, a glass of water, a smoothie, a milkshake, a hot chocolate- as they talk. Or they'll sit and stare out at the grounds, or the sky. They might fiddle with papers, completing work, or sit comfortably in each other's company, Naegi braiding Kamukura's hair, weaving little flowers into it that he collected from the gardens.
• Their insomnia is still there, refusing to disappear or remedy after one night.
• But, at least, if they are doomed to the life of an insomniac, they're happy to do so.
• (together).
-
Flower meanings-
Hydrangeas: (one of my own personal favourites ahhh-) their meaning varies a lot. Pink is said to represent heartfelt emotion and even love (some say the individual petals are shaped like a heart-). Purple hydrangeas represent a desire to deeply understand someone. White hydrangeas had very negative connotations, especially in Victorian society, representing boastfulness and vanity (but also purity)- they were even considered unlucky, and leaving a hydrangea to grow outside a woman's door was said to be a way to ensure she would never wed (how cruel!). Blue is the most intriguing colour- there's a Japanese story of an Emperor who gifted blue hydrangeas to the family of his beloved, in apology for neglecting her. Because of this, blue hydrangeas are associated with apology, forgiveness, gratitude, and even frigidity (which makes me think of how a certain Mr Kamukura acts-). Ironically, blue hydrangeas are considered the 'luckiest'.
A lucky unlucky flower (befitting, I'd say, to be the favourite of a certain person).
Carnations- apparently white ones symbolise good/pure luck! Now isn't that something? Ah, but Naegi didn't say white carnations, did he? He meant red, like Kamukura's eyes. That's where it's interesting- light red carnations can symbolise admiration and affection. But dark red carnations symbolise a deep love. (Ironically, for a flower of love, carnations are also frequently associated with death (especially, apparently, in France). It's almost like, in order for Kamukura to exist, for Naegi to have feelings for him in the first place, someone first had to die for him to come into existence... but that's just a thought-)
(I'm no flower expert- all of these came from our overlords, Google themselves, so if anything about that is wrong... blame them not me-)
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going back to sleep-
Image by: https://borrego-tan.tumblr.com/post/186229592018/hinaegi-festival-2019-day-4-comfortcomfy
#if you want to know what song i had on repeat for this#Staying Up- the neighbourhood#insomnia#its a pain but at least it's motivation *wheeze*#headcanons#writing#my post#kamuegi#izuru kamukura#makoto naegi#drabble#kind of-?#flowers#flower language#just for that lengthy bit at the end hshshs-#im sorry im getting excited over plants lmao
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I have this thing, that when an idea gets in my head, I either get it out on paper or it will create a traffic jam in my head and bugger up everything. So, not including my ongoing Fics, which includes the Gold Universe as part 4 is still nearly finished, I just need that last push on it. These are Ideas that can have anything from a few scenes, an idea, plots, or several chapters.
So I call this -
Winteriron WIP
(because what else 😅, I have a problem.)
In Fire & Flames - In this universe, Phoenixes and Humans live together, if one species dies then the other will too. When a Phoenix does for good, lots of natural disasters happen, starts with Tony'parents dying and then Rhodey, who is also a Phoenix, finds Tony. Who is now familyless and dying as lone phoenixes tend to die. There are several different kinds, and they come in pairs general. Golden and Ice, for example, Golden are high in magic, Ice tends to protect, especially the rare Golden, it's more tribes than individuals, there is no requirement for who likes who. It's surprising how much making a few other Avengers phoenixes tweaks things here and there, this actually goes up to the fight in Siberia and is one of the bigger WIP's. (26k)
Flash of Gold - Avengers are shifters or humans with magic, and they think they know what Tony is. They believe he is a human with magic, but they notice that he has some shifter traits, which is odd as shifters can't have magic in this AU. Only in very old stories and myth. Tony, however, is a dragon, which are myth. Instead of being like most shifters a, a human that shifts to something, he is the reverse. It only has a few scenes. Full shebang, team as Family. Steve is even a good guy. James is brought to the tower after being found and slowly integrated into the group and is wondering wtf Tony is. (13k)
The Operative Program - Howard was never meant to be a father; he was a weaponsmith. So he took the red room and the wolf spider programs and decided to create himself an Operative that he hoped would be the darker side to help Steve when he found him. Two sides of the same coin, one for the light and one to work in the shadows, Tony would be under Steve's control, he would be a weapon for the man who only picked up a shield. (Also assassin Tony is just fun.) Tony in this is a mash-up really, Tony traits, like Gold but different as he has been trained his entire life, the only reason he has developed a sense of self is Rhodey and the fact his parents died at 17. Rhodey got there first after the car crash, getting to Tony before anyone else who knew what he was could potentially claim him. Tony definitely collects people. Yinsen and Vanko for example. Chapters from Ironman up to Avengers (not complete). But enjoyed myself rewriting some out of sequence chapters, so there is a nice big scene in Siberia. (15k)
Another Persons Wish - Now this was based on a post I saw going around. Person A is married to Person B. Person A is looking back at their life and wondering if they should have married B, etc. So, A is offered a wish. Poof. Goodbye Marriage. Person A is Steve, and the story is from Tony, person B's POV. It goes from Tony planning his anniversary(because I was apparently extremely angsty when I started this!) to waking up in the past, alone and wondering what the fuck has happened. 6 chapters entirely written. Chapter 7 is in a different file and in progress when I dabble on it. (30k)
Tarnished Gold - This is an AU from my AU AU XD. Basically similar set up to the Gold Universe, Tony escapes Hydra Captivity but is brought in by Rhodey instead of spending 2 years on his own cleaning up Hydra. He only spends about 7 months before Rhodey convinces him to come in. Few other tweaks here and there but that is just side. Rhodey and James are pals too. The plot here is Howard and Maria are brought back from the Dead and Rhodey is trying to work out how to tell them what has happened and that he can't just bring them to Tony, because he doesn't know if Tony will remember them yet. Tony is a little less 'give me orders, and I'll gut you, and more 'orders made things easier'. I basically flipped his and James reactions from the original Gold universe. Tony is more in need of a hug. It's very loosely put together. I wanted something where Howard was a good dad to offset the fact I kind of made him Hydra in the next piece, and I wanted a good family man Howard with the bringing the parents back because I love reading fics that bring Howard and Maria back. (9k)
Sins of The Father - Arno has just buried his father. His mother is in a coma, he is 20 and mourning his life now he's expected to take on the business when a visitor flips his work upside down worse than the phone call about the crash. His Father? Part of a program that summoned a creature known as a Void Walker. (A creature from the Void Loki fell into, the only native species to that area, most others can't survive the void, so Loki will read as Void Touched and is 'To Be Protected' because I think that could shake up the Avengers section nicely.) Oh and he has Howards DNA. So Arno is freaked that he has a brother, that someone released and sent to him and Arno is 100% sure he is not meant to deal with severe traumatised half-human assassins that could be his kid brother. That is how Arno meets Tony and becomes very invested and turns up big brother protective instinct to 13. When summoned they're tired to a person and has to obey orders, that person was chosen as The Asset under the idea he can't disobey, which obviously fails as Winter does everything to protect Tony, including freeing him and sending him to Arno. His last order is that Tony is not allowed to go looking for or rescue Winter, which I think will be some nice drama when Bucky gets brought in (I really like this one) It has mostly set up but 2 scenes for in the future, Tony finding Coulson threatening Arno in IM2 and the data dump. (21k) (in this S/S Helped is Yelped, I'd fix it, but I've been working on this post forreeever)
Blood and an Arc - This came about from reading the Tony is a vampire fic and noticing that when he gets turned, generally Tony hates being a vampire. There aren't many where he comes back from Afghanistan a vampire and goes, huh... Well. This could be interesting. Loosely based on Vamp the Masquerade but I've tweaked it because my brain takes ideas and then runs off madly into the sunset. It is however utterly all over the place, some from Ironman and then random out of sequence chapters that I'm unsure about as I hadn't slept in a very long time on writing them and Tony went kind of Spike-ish calling James 'Pet'. I do like the idea of Tony fully embracing his changes. Yinsen never intended Tony to live, so he did something extra whilst turning him, so he is not an ordinary baby vampire and is convinced (justifiably so) that if he meets any other vamps, they'll try to kill him. In notes have Sam considering being a werewolf who works out Tony is a vamp and freaks out, because Vampires vs Werewolves and Tony is utterly confused and tells Sam he smells of mint (seriously, insomnia) Sam is baffled to find out the centuries of hatred that is claimed to be instinctual is actually taught. Sam gets kind happy he has a Vamp friend. (20k)
The Original Plan - This sets up around the end of the Mandarin (because honestly, I prefer working with Tony that has powered, especially because James has the serum and I personally think it would expand life span more than shown in Endgame. So I like evening things out and powered Tony is my jam) Tony has a bunch of plans, and they go awry. He doesn't see why and has zero clue what's going on. It's because no matter how well he plans this out, he's caught up in other people's plans. Steve is a little more "End goal justify the anything and everything." In other words, getting Bucky back is his plan and everyone are just pawns in said plan. I've taken that tactical genius title and also pushed him a little darker. After Ultron, he brings Wanda on for 3 reasons. 1 Precedence. 2 Fixing Bucky. 3 Making sure Tony doesn't find out about his parents and making sure he is on the team and available to fix Bucky's arm. That last bit changes things as instead of pulling away from the Avengers, Tony fully moves into the compound(just after AOU, it's not good). There will be no accords and Steve will find Bucky and just move him in and general plans on telling no one about the Winter Soldier. I summed up a chunk of AOU in this format, and I liked it (in an angst and pain fashion.) But it's quite long for a screenshot, so here's a chunk. Bucky is being brought in soon, but as it is, Tony is not having a good time, there might be Wanda conditions in his mind that Steve can use to convince Tony to do things... Also, because he is living there, I couldn't justify Sam not noticing there is something very wrong, so he is asking questions he didn't in canon as Tony's PTSD is more in his face living together you know? (16k)
#writing#tony stark/bucky barnes#winteriron#WIP#Some of these are more detailed than others!#easily excitable autistic woman
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Fandom: SVU
Title: Covenant From The Heart
Chapter 1: Violent Moment
P O V: Amanda Rollins
(A/N: Noah, Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic. I own nothing except my ideas and original characters. All others belong to Wolf Entertainment and NBC.)
Saturday, June 2020
Christopher Street, New York, NY
"I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
how wonderful life is while you're in this world."
The radio plays as I sit inside the back of the Covenant House Van across from my Captain Olivia Benson, along with two trained Crisis Counselors from Covenant House, New York. Andrea O'Sullivan and Robert "Bobby J" Rodriquez. "Thanks for coming again with me, Amanda."
My smile is tight as I look back at Olivia there is a sadness in her eyes as we turn towards each other. "You're welcome, Liv, did Kat give any reason as to why she couldn't make it tonight?" "her mom has to work a double, and they couldn't find a babysitter last minute on a Saturday."
"Yeah, I hear that could be hard." Olivia sips her coffee, trying to keep warm. "I never mind helping Captain. Covenant House is such an amazing place Olivia, I'm always happy to volunteer for whatever they need."
"Thank you, detective Rollins we try. It isn't easy when we have 20,494 youth who are homeless." Andy's statement sends tremors down my spine. I try to hide the fact that I am shivering, as a cop, I knew those statistics. The number of homeless children in the United States is at its highest in more than a decade.
I can even break down the statistics that roughly 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States that's 2,000 kids who go missing every day in the USA. There are 115 child stranger abduction cases, LGBTQ youth represent as much as 40% of the homeless youth population. Between 1.6-2.8 million youth runaway each year in the United States. Children can begin running as young as ages 10-14. The youngest are the most at-risk for the dangers of street life.
Too many people take the attitude of Children who runaway make their own decisions to go. Let them be, they've made their personal choice and must deal with the consequences. If they want to come home, they will. That is so wrong because once these kids hit the streets, they have hours of reaching an inner-city before they become targets for these pimps. Once the pimps get their hands on these kids, they no longer have a choice. They are property of those pimps, and these monsters would take a bullet before they lose their 'product.' It is estimated that many young people, especially girls, begin engaging in survival sex within 48 hours of leaving home. Sex for food and a place to stay can quickly escalate into formalized prostitution.
I've seen what happens to those kids after becoming branded; they learn quickly to harden themselves and trust no one. The treacherous environment in which they must learn to survive is heartbreaking. They do not always outwardly present as sympathetic victims. They also frequently suffer from short–term and long–term psychological effects such as depression, self-hatred, and feelings of hopelessness. These child victims also need specialized services that are not widely available given they often have illnesses, drug addictions, physical and sexual trauma, lack of viable family and community ties, and total dependence—physical and psychological—on their abusers.
"Amanda, do you want some coffee?" "no, thanks, Liv, I'm good." "Sure you are; that's why I can see those goosebumps on your arms, Rollins." Olivia's left-hand grazes across my left arm, which she has now caused to go stiff in fear. Olivia's touch, smile Liv has no idea how she effects me.
Every hair is standing at attention, my heart racing, face flushed. My brain stutters to find words to respond to Olivia. It should be simple to say those words to tell Olivia how I feel; this is 2020, not 1990. I shouldn't be afraid of rejection to tell someone I have a deep crush on that I have a crush. I've told more than a half of a dozen women in my past that I liked them. I am not ashamed to identify as a lesbian.
Which brings me to question why I haven't confided in anyone I have worked with over the past nine years. Swallow Amanda, just swallow and relax. Olivia has no idea how you feel; she isn't asking you to spill how you feel. She's asking you for a drink stop freaking out you'll look like a fool.
"No, I'm good save the coffee for the kids, they need it more than I do. I'm okay."
"Detective Rollins we have more than enough." that's a lie I know before it even escapes Andy's lips she's just being nice to us since it's rare for cops to volunteer to do ride a long's, the department does not sanction them. 1PP truthfully goes out of their way to discourage us from doing them because they are so dangerous because these pimps could recognize one of us and blow our covers in the future. Sometimes I think they fear we will become too sympathetic with a homeless kid because God forbid NYPD cops be human and understand what life on the streets is actually like; we might let these kids go when indeed we are forced to pick them up for simply trying to stay alive.
Saturday nights are one of the busiest nights in New York City, especially for the homeless population in our impact zones. Turning down Bleeker Street, which is alive with nightclubs blaring music. Flashing neon signs obnoxiously calling out $2 dance bars—other signs signaling their bars, clubs, stores. Panhandlers line every corner, many with bloodshot eyes, sniffling noses, and scanning the crowd from our blackened windows. I can see swindlers working in pairs trying to rob the tourists who unsuspectingly stroll among them the glittering, neon buildings. Many are walking with cell phones out, looking for directions.
Olivia and I both exchange a look knowing half of them will be robbed. There's so much we both want to say but don't. Drug deals go down in plain sight to the untrained eye. It would be easily missed, in between the blaring lights and smells of Colombian bakeries, beauty salons, Mexican restaurants, and bars like the Gentlemen's Club advertising beautiful female dancers. People along this stretch of road hand out business cards emblazoned with half-naked women or fruits and flowers all that advertise "Free Delivery" and typically list the hours of operation between 10:30 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. It's a cover, of course, the cards are marketing tools of brothels that have set up shop inside private homes and apartments.
As the hour is growing later, the tourists are fading away; the clubs are starting to shut down, and the other Christopher Street, the one never mentioned in magazines, or featured on the nightly news and morning talk shows comes alive. This is our Christopher Street teens strutted past in the dark, often stopping to air kiss, catcall, or sometimes brawl.
Young LGBTQ youth in platform thigh-high boots, buttocks-revealing denim shorts, red-pleather boleros with matching caps and tops of the backless, sleeveless, or even frontless variety, those on the nightly parade here do anything but hide. They compete for best outfit, /best moves in nightly dance battles that rage beside the Hudson River to the sound of a boombox on the pier at the end of the street.
The teens are beautiful, but the night-life here is ugly, violent, and scary; the teens themselves often fight turning violent. Customers drunk throw glasses, bottles, or try to take the girls, ripping hair out, beating them. Not every person working is trying to cause problems; of course, there are many just trying to get by to pay rent that now topples over $3,000. I can barely afford my apartment in Brooklyn with my salary.
Cops are lining every street, but we are not here as cops Olivia and I are riding with the covenant house team to help them reach the kids whoa re too afraid to find Covenant House or don't know that help exists. We are reaching to find kids who need food, warmth, and shelter. We provide sandwiches, beverages, ears to the kids if they are ready to tell their stories.
In the van we provide education about sex, pregnancies, STD prevention, we give them condoms. We let them cry, scream, ask questions, or sit in silence; we let the kids choose what they need when they need it. Many have never been given a choice of anything in their lives. We gain the kids' trust and, when ready, we will get them to our crisis shelters, where they're given love and support to permanently stay off the streets. Some stay only a few days and decide they aren't ready to give up the life they know. They have to be willing to be drug-free and make other commitments to stay at Covenant House. Some, however, remain with Covenant House and complete the whole program.
Frequently it takes multiple interactions before the kids will trust those of us on the outreach team enough to accept our offers of help they've simply been burned by adults too many times in their lives.
"So Captain Benson, my boss tells me you've been coming on these rides along's since you joined SVU in 1999. Any specific reasons?"
Andy's question perks my interests in the nine years I have known Olivia; I have never known the answer to this question myself. For the first six years, when I went on these outreach trips, I never knew she went along. I only found out three years ago when we were paired together by accident on a night when they had more volunteers than vans. I never asked myself for fear of having to answer the same question back; it's a part of my past. I have kept hidden for many years. I have no intention of starting to share that story now.
"I was on the job about two months with Special Vics when we came across the case of a fourteen-year-old girl who we had to arrest for selling drugs to her classmates, sometimes in exchange for sexual favors. The whole Squad called her Spoiled Sally because she came from the upper west side, went to a private school. She had all the advantages of a rich kid, yet she chose to squander her life by selling drugs."
"You thought there was more to her story though, Olivia, didn't you?"
"You know me well, Amanda." Olivia has no idea how well I know her how I have spent my whole adult life, and most of my teens years studying her career trying to be half the cop she is. Olivia has no idea that I listen to every conversation hoping to gather a new detail I didn't know already. I know her favorite, color, movie, TV show, her worst fears, her dreams. I know which ice cream flavor she likes best, her favorite spot for ice cream, who her favorite baseball team is, and which sport she hates the most. I know Olivia uses vanilla body lotion but hates vanilla ice cream.
My body shivers despite being June. The temperature is dropping fast the later it gets. "I did think there was more, so I started investigating further. Interviewing her friends, teachers, classmates. Came to learn Sally transferred schools six times over the last year, she had moved from city to city since she was six years old."
Olivia bites her lower lip as she laughs slightly "Amanda you'll love this part, my boss told me to drop it, or he would transfer me, I couldn't drop it, I defied his orders and kept digging. I matched her picture into enhanced facial recognizing came to discover our Spoiled little Sally was Marcella Marginals, a kidnapped girl from Mexico who vanished at age six when her family was on vacation over there. They let go of her hands for two minutes, and she was snatched. Marcella was smuggled into different cities by different men. Who caged her up like an animal beat her raped her, sold her from family to family."
"This last family was an elderly couple who never had kids of their own; the man who sold her to them kept weekly checks on her forced her to sell drugs for him. Raped her weekly to keep her in-line raped the wife weekly to keep the parents quite. When we went to collect Marcella, the bastard was there raping the wife, the husband an 82-year-old man who could barely move was tied to the chair. A battle broke out between the police and the pimp, Marcella was shot in the battle, by my gun. I was devastated. I felt as if it was my fault if I had left it alone, as my boss told me. Marcella would be alive no matter how hard her life was, at least she drew breath. Because of me, that sweet girl was dead."
"All my co-workers kept telling me it wasn't my fault; it was just part of the job. I had to accept it as God's plan. I couldn't though, I mean, how did God see that to be fair? How could any God justify a fourteen-year-old girl being raped, beaten suffering every day as okay?"
"So I headed to my favorite bar to get there I had to pass the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, I wasn't raised in any dominant religion growing up, but I felt drawn to it. I felt like I needed to talk to God, to let him know how angry I was at him."
"At first, all I could do was sit there, staring at the candles, the altar, tears running down my face. I have no idea how long I sat there for; till I felt the gentle touch of Sister Mary Rose McGeady, she sat by me and listened to me. Then she said something to me that has stayed with me my whole life; she replied ours is not to ask God why; ours is simply to close our eyes and listen to our hearts, and believe God always has a reason why. It's hard at times, but I made a promise to God to listen; he has to lead me to my calling to help kids on the street, his kids."
"As you know at the time, Sister McGeady was the president of Covenant House from 1990-2003. She took me to the house and showed me the center; I spoke to counselors, volunteers, and the kids themselves. I fell in love with the mission, with the kids the staff. I knew I had to try to make a difference."
"I started doing the outreach van around 12 years ago, at first, it was just because it was always so short-staffed, not many people volunteer to do something so dangerous. Then it became another passion for me."
I reach over and take Olivia's hand "you know Marcella's death wasn't your fault, Liv. No more than Easter's was mine."
"I know Amanda, up here, I know that." She points to her head, "But in here." Olivia's hand moves to her heart. "that takes reminding I am sorry I couldn't comfort you after telling you about Easter, I should have held you talked to you instead of getting up and walking away. The memories of that day hit me so hard; I think I am moving on, and then I am hit with a wave of guilt so intense it takes my breath away."
"Liv, it's okay. I needed my Captain than you did what I needed. You gave me time to cry, scream you stayed in the room, so I knew you were there, but you gave me privacy. No one can take someone else to pain away. But having you in that room brought me comfort."
Olivia smiles at me as Bobby J speaks "You two should come Tuesday for our annual Sleep-out for Covenant House, we have a line-up of stars who are performing and over 1,000 people who have signed up to raise money for our kids by sleeping out."
"Yeah, sounds good, Amanda?" "I'm in for sure."
"So Miss southern sweet tea, what is your story? I know you got one." My body tenses at his suggestion I feel all eyes on me my heart races as my stomach twists. How am I suppose to get out of this one? "Don't be bashful to spill your game." Bobby J nudges me as I fight to keep my nausea from spilling out onto the van's floor. If Olivia knew the truth, she would never look at me the same ever again.
"Help me!" Loud, intense screams ricochet off the buildings in the side-street where we are parked; a young girl comes racing out of the cover of darkness shadow. So fast her legs stumble, but she doesn't allow herself to fall; she can't she's running for her life. Those skinny legs barely hold her body up, yet she hurls herself forward, never glancing back. I can hear her heavy breathing as she approaches "not here." she points to two streets over. Eyes glance at us. I see the pain and fear "My man he's watching he'll see me get in, I'm dead then, he'll know where to find me."
She's gone in a flash, hurling her skinny body down the side streets in a race for her life, dodging into different avenues. The van squeals to life as our driver Michelle steps on the gas, the girl's arms pump flying as she dodges cars, people she isn't quitting or playing. It's pitch black out here now except the glow of a few broken street lights.
Michelle flips off our headlights as we reach the street the girl wanted us to, we sit in silence the radio shut off now. Our heartbeats are the only sounds slowly. I get out my legs a little shaky from being crouched in a van for hours. Olivia follows me closely behind as seconds tick into minutes both of us praying her man as she called him didn't find her, which we know damn well means her pimp. Rustling has us both turning around I spot her first she comes running full speed towards us, fooling her pimp she had run around the block twice; New York blocks ain't no joke either, they are long.
This girl is in eight-inch heels her feet must hurt so bad I feel tears well up I can barely walk in those types of heels nerve mind run. The girl is only twenty- yards away from us. I can see the depth of fear in her cyan blue eyes. An ocean deep of pain she is so close to safety just within feet of being saved Olivia and I are both tense ready to grab her up. The squeals of tires alert us to a sense of danger; I don't think twice I take off "Rollins!" Olivia yells as I pump my legs harder than they have ever been pumped before. Hoping that this girl can see it in my eyes that she can trust me, she can reach better days if she reaches out, allows me to take her hands. Gets in this van with me, I can help her find the sunshine behind these rainy days. Sometimes one person can make a difference. I close my eyes every day I pray I can be that person.
My hands reach the girl at the very last second my lungs are screaming in pain, I can barely breathe my muscles are straining with every-step. "Grab my hands, don't let go no matter what I got you." My arms wrap around the girl's frail body as my feet make a sudden turn burning my heels. I pull her body racing to the van as doors fly open. "Rollins, get down!" Olivia screams as a hail of bullets rain down on us I push the girl into the van slam the door and bang on it. Michelle takes off my legs give out as I crash to the ground Olivia is returning fire. I can't breathe or think my legs are twitching in pain I can feel my blood filling my mouth as I start to cough.
I can't seem to focus on anything. Every breath is harder to inhale and exhale. "Amanda, it's Olivia we've got to move, they took off, but they'll be back we just cost them a major investment. Can you move at all?"
Olivia's arms lift me pain stabs me at every angle it's mild though so after a few breaths I can put pressure on my legs she doesn't let go of my arm though pulling me along with her as we race to meet the van a few blocks over. Sweat pours down my body as my stomach cramps I feel flushed. I'm losing blood I can feel how weak I am, but I have no idea where or how serious it is. "Amanda that was stupid as hell, we are off-duty you know the department does not cover any injury you get, any action you take as a citizen which means you face the same charges they face. No union rep to cover for you."
"Yeah, I know Liv, and it also means I don't have to play by the rules."
"Amanda, it doesn't mean you get to risk your life."
"It's mine to risk Olivia, and if you ain't willing to risk your life, why are you out here?"
"Uh! Why are all the bad-asses so damn stubborn!"
"That's what makes us hot."
"Yeah, I know that's why the bad-asses like you are always the one who looks the most fuckable."
My ears ring did Olivia Benson just say she wanted to what with me? I stop moving physically, yet my Vertigo didn't get the message. I can't speak all I can do is stare at Olivia, watch her long legs so muscular her statuesque frame so lean and beautiful, long dark hair loosely held back with a decorative clip. Her appearance takes my breath away. She smiles as she slowly moves us towards the van.
All I can do is picture her lying on top of me on her bed as she places her mouth over my clit. A direct hit, her gorgeous lips closing around it and lapping at it with her tongue. Her hands hold my hips as I try to buck against her face; she is a master at getting me off like this. I can feel an orgasm building in my walls, I can feel the heat rising as I writhe under her face, and just as she is about to push me over the edge, she inserts a single slender finger inside as she does I feel the first wave of fire rising and spreading through me. I come hard onto her hand as she rapidly pumps two fingers in and out while she sucks on my clit.
"Amanda, move!" My head peaks up from the daydream of Olivia, and I making love seconds too late as the car comes speeding towards us headlights as bright as the Georgia summer sun. Michelle rushes towards us, Andy and Bobby J throw open the doors. "Get in!" Olivia's hands push my body into the van's. I feel Andy and Bobby grab me pulling my limp body up as Olivia screams at Michelle. to"Go."
Wait, where is Olivia going? Why didn't she get in with me? Gunfire fills the air as I try to stand but am thrown back against the wall hard as Michelle takes off, tires squealing. "Calvin!" I hear Olivia's scream as my head slams into the floor, sending me crashing into a world of blackness. All I can do is pray; God keep Olivia safe.
A/N: For More information on how you can help Covenant House and Homeless Youth visit their website
Our Youth deserve a kinder, better world than the one we have today. Let us commit to building this world together. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13643440/1/Covenant-From-The-Heart
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