#so i'm sorry but Doll's gotta die again she's never been a good person even though her life was very tragic

[midnight-in-town]

A tragic parallel between the F.O.L orphanage and Baron Kelvin’s workhouse

I wanted to point out that it’s interesting “the oldest siblings” of each group actually aren’t the ones getting their “fledging day” first. 

In fact, as we could see with this chapter, little Ginny who was scared of horses, something unbefitting of her aptitude as a Corgi, is the one who got a sudden “fledging day”. 

Thanks to this chapter, it’s also pretty obvious that “the oldest siblings” know where the other kids are sent, as indicated by Oliver’s and Artie’s scared reactions in this chapter.

The “oldest siblings” being aware of what’s going on also explains why Oliver sort of “protected” Daniel, when he conveyed to the adults that he didn’t fit in the Collie group. 

In other words, when the operation needs a kid (for blood or some other reason), it’s those who don’t fit in who get taken first so, Ginny aside, we should also definitely worry about Daniel but also Nick from the Pomeranian group.

Focusing a little bit on Artie, a Mastiff, who brought Daniel, a Collie, to his class and Oliver who interrupted Daniel talking about “fledging day”, it seems the “oldest siblings” are trying as hard as they can to protect the other kids from meeting a terrible fate. This also explains Theo’s helpful attitude with Ginny in the last chapter: 

However, despite Theo’s best efforts, the adults noticed that Ginny was not living up to her aptitudes as a Corgi and she’s now about to reach “fledging day”. ://

The “oldest siblings” also definitely know that Doll is probably the one who’s watching over the whole orphanage operation, as indicated by their reactions when Snake introduced himself as Doll’s acquaintance...

...And it’s very interesting, because I think it creates a parallel with Doll’s own situation, back when she was alive. 

After all, as a kid from Kelvin’s workhouse, when she joined Noah’s Ark, Doll began abducting kids with Joker and co to satisfy Kelvin’s madness but also to protect their younger siblings back at the orphanage. However, this was all for naught, as Kelvin had already killed those kids for his mad project, something our!Ciel discovered at the end of the arc.

At F.O.L orphanage, the “oldest siblings” act similarly: they were probably told the sad truth behind this orphanage and they have no other way but to go along with it in order to survive, which makes them accomplices, while still trying as hard as they can to protect many of their fellow “siblings” so that they won’t get to their “fledging day” too quickly. 

It’s tragic really and, since they think Snake and Finny are Doll’s friends, they probably won’t trust them to help. :/ 

The single silver ray of hope I have is that Theo reminds Finny of someone: could be either twins or it could be a kid from Finny’s own tragic past from that scientific lab in Germany and, in that case, if Theo can eventually trust Finny, then maybe Finny and Snake will learn the truth and help save all these kids.

It would also make a beautiful parallel with Theo reading Fenian cycle... 

...since our Finny is indeed stronger than many others and could definitely help saving them. 

TL;DR Doll probably pushed the “oldest siblings” into the same situation that she experienced when she was alive: become accomplices in order to survive but also to protect innocent children, which is exactly how she lost herself and died. Here’s to hoping that Snake (who wasn’t a part of Noah’s Ark abduction ring) and Finny (who’s very strong) will be able to realize the truth in time, in order to help these children. 

[mouseratz]

Gotham episodes 5x6-5x12

5x6

- he's runnin...

- they just need to fry Eddie's brain again and he'll be fine.

- OH YEAH JIM!

- THE DOG LEFT. WHY.

- who is she?

- she looks a bit like a doll.

- what the fuck.

- "oh. Is that all?"

- "what the people desperately need is food and medicine. not more guns."

- "you have me." "And me." "I don't trust you."

- HE WINKED.

- I LOOOOVE IT

- Selina just chopped off some guys fingers and then went to eat coco puffs.

- "kind of resembles a goth chicken?"

- he did kill Tabitha in cold blood. Truth.

- Lucius......

- Lee?

- "tell me, how many ex fiancees do you have anyway?"

- "I can't remember anything..." Did they put a chip in her too? not for killing, just to control her.

- he's scared of it cuz last time it worked.

- "IS IT NOT OBVIOUS? ITS. A BOMB!"

- "oh, not now, Bullock."

- I love him. So much.

- I do like that season five is just like. yeah the government and military is literally evil. agreed

- BULLOCK KNEW THE ANSWER? how does it go....a broken clock still rings right twice a day....no that's not quite it.....err

- WHAT A DRAMATIC DEATH.

- I love Selina and os. this is so fucking funny

- "the next time I get a short straw, I'm just gonna walk into traffic."

- something's really wrong with Lee.

- who the fuck is walker. ain't no way she's just some rando.....

- how many times does Alfred get stabbed in this show.

- truth is, penguin is still more ruthless than Selina is, even with her loosening morals.

- of course she's fucking pregnant. LMAOOO

- "You're supposed to be dead, mate." "Sorry to disappoint."

5x7

- fireworks? where is this?

- "her squad found something." "What?" "....it's weird."

- that's gotta be a pretty old newspaper by now.

- oh. Jeremiah.

- "for my little nugget." Jesus.

- Jeremiah I really gotta know what is the point of this. It's so elaborate. And just to fuck with him?

- "and I didn't get to be a part of it."

- Jeremiah you didn't have to do this. You could've just came out

- ACE CHEMICALS? okay. so it's the janker

- they're still working with Jervis?

- ECCO HAS ROLLER SKATES!!!!

- ok well. They did blow up Wayne manor.

- Jervis has a better outfit this season.

- the theater is kinda creepy. Love it.

- Jeremiah costume is pretty awesome.

- be careful rejecting gay people in Gotham. it never goes well

- it parallels that Selina was watching, unknown by everyone....except this time, she *saved* them. thereby, making up for the past.

- Jeremiah this would've been a lot easier if you just said you loved him before all that.

- also just like Lego Batman

- the rivers toxic now, isn't it?

- "first of all, I am VERY fond of that dog."

- "it means fate has different plans for us."

- fellas is it gay to ask your number one frenemy to escape the city with you

- Annnd there it is for Selina.

- "she's glowing." ????

- ITS A SUBMARINE

5x8

- back at the club.

- who are these people.

- well, that's that.

- Dix....ivy's medicine?

- Ed cut his hair :(

- "I had to get us lunch. And I got Dale."

- EXAMINING HIS OWN NAILS WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS ...

- didn't....Penn die?

- HES THE VENTRILOQUIST?

- Whadda hell ....

- the horror sewers

- I love the dummy thing

- DALE. LMFAO

- she died....at Arkham....a couple of years ago ....wouldn't be, a couple of years ago, when strange discovered reanimation? couldn't be, right?

- okay. well. it is.

- this is interesting though I don't know what it's about.

- Jane doe. Huh.

- my guess is killer croc.

- they're implying Scarface is actually magical/Alive

- the girls are fightingggg

- "honestly, you deserve this. Your loyalty is....shaky, at best."

- "how do you feel....about submarines?"

- ok so just a zombie then?

- CLASSIC imposter situation....

- Barbara's like. Hell no I'm not being damsel in distressed

- "wait what's the signal"

- "I was not a good friend. To you or anyone. It's why I'm alone."

- ED?

- "I accept you for the person that you are....and as friends, I think we can agree that lunatic had to be stopped."

- "perhaps, Edward....we really are meant for each other." Yeah sure. 'friendship'

- he killed her? he killed her.

- how does killing her make anything right.

- "....forgiveness? I can't give that to you." "I just needed you to know."

5x9

- "it's like you won't be satisfied until you sacrifice yourself." truth

- millionth time he's been shot

- Selina and Bruce in a creepy house. For a date?

- why can't Harvey dent be in these things. this is HIS theme

- "it wasn't (fate). it was Jeremiah blowing up your house." say it

- hey ivy.

- Oswald got punched just cuz he's punchable

- "look at the window, stupid!"

- ah. The guy Selina beat up a while ago.

- okay. this jim part is kind ooooof boring it's like yeah no we got it we know how Jim is

- "okey dokey. Time to boogie."

- "like, actual roses, they're great."

- ivy.....

- aw Alfred dad moments.

- people. Ugh.

- Barbara Kean is THE girlboss.

- "your best never seems good enough."

- i hope Lee stabs the fuck out of her

- why does this ivy suck so bad. she's so not fun

- FUCK YEAH LEE

- Harveys wearing eds stupid suit.

- THE LAUGH

- it's weird I like lee fine she's still good but it's like last season didn't even happen.

- a month? timeskip?

- okay. A wedding. Whatever.

- nobody laughed at what Harvey said cuz it was true.

- what the fuck is this episode. is this like. A lifetime original ???

- Oswald bitching about it. is pretty funny.

5x10

- god. another villain introduction. girl we got TWO episodes left 😭

- reunification day. feels like it came so fast this season was five seconds long

- so, it's been nine months overall....and over a year since the bridges fell.

- the idiots are preparing to launch their fucking submarine.

- and we gotta build the batcave bro

- and now banes gonna come fuck it all up.

- Gotham as a show....it never changes. it starts interesting and then begins to unravel into full bore dumbassery as it continues.

- "we're not going anywhere." Barbara took it.

- god. is that Talia

- it's Talia. Has to be.

- Nyssa? so. not that.

- of course. Hugo strange .

- "but for the record, you stabbed me first."

- "but you did though. you pointed the gun at the baby."

- Barbara and Lee have the worst idiots possible to help out with this childbirth

- "bon voyage."

- HIT WITH A GODDAMN CAR!

- they grievously injured Alfred AGAIN.

- Jim you stupid bitch. NEVER say that don't you know you're in a tv show

5x11

- Baby drama

- he feels bad about it. This is MY city

- I'm going to follow my heart

- ...but perhaps you could learn something

- I'm gonna miss you edward.....THE DOG.

- Nightwing project. HRM.

- a beacon to certain animals....

- you have a remarkably recognizable odor. Part dandy, part snake.

- he loves Gotham just as much as Gordon does.

- AWWW ED CAME BACK.

- I love Gotham. Final boss fight is just The American Military led by Bane

- lee has to return to the narrows.

- he saved "Eddie". Ok.

- upsy daisy, Oswald.

- "I'm sorry..." "It's the least I could do."

- "they did sacrifice everything."

- "you both love getting stabbed by this knife."

- BANE GETTING GOT BY BATS? LMFAOOOO

- love that Oswald put the shades back on over the fucking eye patch. #girl

- AND THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP COMES IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!

- SHES TAKING THE SUBMARINE?

- THE DOG!

- Barbara Lee Gordon. Technically doesn't that make her a Barbara Jr.

- THAT BITCH STOLE OUR SUBMARINE!

- those drab....boring...people

- common criminals? never again.

- he's kinda losing it again. But that's okay.

- "we would be stronger together. No one could stop us."

- "yeah, perhaps....."

- "we will take what we want, from who we want, and we will suffer no fools."

- "together."

- "a hug it is."

- life begins anew.

- shall we get to work?

- and commissioner Gordon.

- HE DIDNT TELL SELINA GOODBYE? DICKHEAD

- I'd be pissed as fuck at him too.

5x12

- here we go. Last Gotham episode.....4ever

- TEN YEARS LATER .

- MUSTACHED GORDON.

- this bitch is STILL mayor?

- he has a baby. And Barbara looks more like the comics.

- EDDIE! with the long hair too.

- I knew him. Back in the day.

- Jeremiah baldification

- ECCO.....

- HE SHAVED IT FOR BRUCE.

- quite the girl around town....

- no cat ears for Selina 🥺

- I don't really like that they recast her but none of the full adults.

- who are they so scared of?

- a letter from Oswald.

- THE MONOCLE.....AND ITS BLUE LIKE MOONEYS

- it's Batman.......

- and the top hat. penguin 🐧

- back at the pier. It ends as it begins, and it is beginning again.

- wait.....did he NOT break Ed out? then, who did?

- "you locked me up like an animal." like. a well. Animal in the zoo.....not saying which one. I think you can guess.

- Edward is slaying.

- the tie. The tinted glasses.

- "honey, I'm still amazing."

- "didn't you do that already?" "ITS A CALLBACK!"

- it's the joker. duh.

- "I'm not. But I thought you might need some help.".

- "it's good to see you." THWAP

- HE TIED THEM UP. LIKE A GODDAMN CARTOON.

- ecco is so fucking great.

- "then again, there was another me, too."

- "no longer my echo. There'll never be another like you.... But I suppose there are other fish in the sea."

- "is there a Jeremiah here?"

- looove it. he's a fun joker actually.

- BATMAAAANNN

- "like hell."

- Oswald and Edward breaking out. And promptly deciding they did not feel like fucking with Batman

- that is not.....fantastic looking

END OF SEASON 5. END OF SERIES

[crazymecjc]

Quotes from Mary Poppins

So I was in Mary Poppins this summer and it was the best show I've ever done, it was also one of the funniest backstage experiences I've ever had so here's some quotes from rehearsals :)

I'm referring to everyone by their character names except if they're my friends yeet

My friend Miranda, staring me dead in the eyes: “Cannibalism."

Both of us simultaneously: "hmmmm”

Miranda, frantically: “Do you want some.... boNeLesS AiR”

(She then proceeded to research if boneless air was a thing for like ten minutes)

Me, angrily: “buT wE hAvEnt had our mILK”

Honestly idk who this was: “What is in your boob?”

(Context: we were all volunteering at a meat raffle, which I didn't know was a thing before then but ok)

The guy in charge of the raffle: “If you’re selling tickets, stand up”

*everyone simultaneously drops to the floor*

Guy running the raffle: “Hors d’oeuvres is not a person”

The same guy, a half hour later: “I’m not trusting you, because you said hors d’oeuvres were a country”

The radio:“I’m looking for some way to bond with my kids” Miranda, whispering: “Mr. Banks?”

My friend Anthony:“That’s like the worst way to reduce reuse recycle”

Miranda during rehearsal for Step in Time, pretending to be on Disney Channel:“Hi, I’m a low class citizen, and the only time I see the light of day is at night”

Anthony, sinisterly:“We’re all dead bodies in the end”

Anthony, in the car: “Smells like... g g g g g g g g g g ggrravy”

Miranda:“buT THEY TORE MY spinal cord.... aGAIN!?!?!”

Anthony, walking out of rehearsal:“It smells like a hot dog out here”

Me:“mE”

Anthony, incredulous:“you smell like a hotdog?!?”

Also Anthony:“My uvula is quook”

My friend Maddie, who we all call Marcy bc that was her "character" for the show and it stuck:“Why do you guys know what windex smells like??? Hello???”

Miss Andrew: “You don’t smell windex? What’s wrong with you???”

Anthony, in the car, shouting:“sTEP AWAY FROM THE GOODS”

Anthony, discussing Into the Woods:“I feel like Little Red is sort of like Smeagol”

Me: “There’s a whole family standing in the middle of the road??”

Anthony:“Are they ok?” Me:"They’re not even crossing, they’re just chilling.”

Anthony to me, while in the fake plant section at the craft store: “It’s like you’re trying to get into leaf Narnia”

Miranda to me: “You look like the Kool Aid Man”

Anthony, to me:“Go onto stage like ‘OoOh yEaH”

Anthony, to the tune of one of he songs:“Reeeedd Robin, Yum!”

Miranda, dramatically crossing her legs:“I’m a fucking queen” *mouth pops*

Miranda calling after me on my way out the door:“Wait I’ve gotta tell you a secret “ *whispers in one ear* “the snack that smiles back” * in other ear* “goldfish”

Me, singing:“Someone is returning”

Miranda:“the demons in my house when I’m coming home”

Miranda, in a whisper:“Mary and Bert look like they’re gonna fight”

Anthony, in the car: “No one is alone.. that’s kinda scary”

Anthony:“When I was young, I ate people”

Miranda:“crispy”

Miranda, in the car after a long rehearsal, exhausted:“Can we play some tunes? I don’t want some hard tunes tho, I want gentle tunes”

I honestly don't know who this was, probably Anthony:“Why are you discriminating against whales?”

Miranda, with jazz hands:“Just a spoonful of... pizazz!”

Miranda, a few minutes later:“Just a spoonful of soot helps the depression go down”

Miranda:“What’s the month after January?”

Me, sister struggling:*counts on fingers* “October, November, December, January, feBRUARY”

Anthony,:“Doesn’t it smell like cat food? Oh no that’s McDonalds”

Anthony:“You smell like Cheerios.”

Me:“Thanks????”

Mary, standing by the roof set we had:“Bert, you look like a cat”

Bert, on the roof: “meow”

Marcy, working on her character:“I’m doing research... drug research “

Marcy, trying to explain her character to me:“Marcy Tippetome is a drug addict. But she’s addicted to Tylenol”

Bert:“Bloody hell”

Michael:“sTOP THERE ARE CHILDREN “

Bert:“well you’re the one who keeps pretending to shoot people on stage”

Anthony, singing:“Someone smells like celery!!!!”

Anthony, moments later:“So I was in my room and my body collapsed”

Miss Andrew:“In 20 years I’ll be like ‘hey, you owe me a soda kid’”

Michael:“I’ll be dead in 20 years”

Mr. Banks:“All hair is dead”

Miranda:*bad Italian accent* “would you like some rigatoni???”

Anthony:“Spit the alcohol out Marcy”

Miranda, ranting:“The government can leave. I only know... I don’t know English”

Miranda, reenacting the Sound of Music:“Donde es Maria??”

Miranda and Anthony:*speaking in simmish for ten minutes*

Bert:“I’m gonna hiss. Like a cat. Meow.”

Mary:“Bert, I’m done with you. Jump off the rooftop.”

Probably Anthony??? I don't know:“My name is Margaret, and I like cheese”

Me:“Michael who? I only know mILK”

Anthony:“Remember when I asked what century it was?”

Anthony:“There’s blood on my finger”

Miranda, deadpan:“blood is the cure”

Me:“There’s something in your pocket”

Anthony, nonchalantly:“it’s just a chair”

One of the statues:“Ohmigod who’s on your phone screen Anthony?”

Anthony:“I’m gay”

Anthony, staring into the distance:“Death is my cure”

Anthony, moments later:*valley girl accent* “I’m gonna die”

Miranda, disdainfully:“I never had emo phase. I didnt want to associate with tHAT”

Me to Anthony because he had to wear this frog costs and it was skintight: “Dicks out for Mary Poppins”

Anthony, giving Mrs Banks a hug:“Hi mom!”

Mrs. Banks, deadpan:“did I give you the permission to touch me?”

Anthony, after we went to Wendy's:“Oh my gosh there’s a spoon between my legs! I just wanted my phone and I reached down and then... there’s ice cream on my crotch”

Also Anthony:“I was exhaling really intensely the other day and my tongue started flopping around”

My little brother right before tech week:“Dress rehearsal?? More like stress rehearsal”

Anthony:“Marcy put the Tylenol DOWN!”

Miranda:“Noooo, she’s doing cocane”

(I swear we're good children I'm sorry)

The lady who played Queen Victoria, approaching Miranda:“Can you blow into my eye?”

An ensemble member:“Don’t choke me”

Mr. Banks:“I don’t even know you yet”

Miss Lark, handing someone her dog puppet:“Here, hold my bitch”

Literally all of my friends: *simultaneous “it’s poppin”*

Who knows, but now we all say it:“Rest IP”

Anthony, buying frozen yogurt at the mall between shows:“Is chocolate supposed to be crispy??”

Me, dying inside because I thought it would be a good idea to leave my show tights on while we went to the mall:“Oh No tHeReS SorBeT oN mY TigHtS!?!”

Ok backstory: we had this table for Spoonful of Sugar that is supposed to break and then magically repair itself. So it's motor powered, and so far it's been working great. Fun! So the last night of the show arrives. I accidentally sweep the guy playing Robertson Ay because he's on the floor, so we're already dying. Mary goes to fix the table, and it goes as planned, only to revert back to broken a moment later with a bang. I'm breaking character, and trying to keep singing, but I lose it bc out stage manager offstage, sounding completely dead inside, goes:“Well, there goes the table.”

????:“Why is it wet??” Anthony:“Because I salivate”

Michael, on his way out the door on closing night:“Keep it poppin”

(I cried)

Other notable moments:

This girl started crying about cows in the middle of rehearsal bc she loved them so much

The guy who played Mr. Banks did origami and he made me a dragon

The lady playing Mrs Andrew would regularly balance chairs on her chin

I had to pretend to rip a dolls arm off and the second night I actually ripped its arm off oops

One night I forgot to preset said doll, so it didn't have an arm for a full scene

We'd been joking about building a fort in the dressing room for a while so on the last day, we walked in to find Mrs Banks surrounded by chairs. "It's Fort Banks." She said. Someone had blankets in their car and suddenly there was an actual blanket fort in the dressing room

The girl who played the messenger would write letters to Mr Banks to read during the shows. One of them was about robbing a bank, I think??? She gave him her address and we're still waiting for a reply for the final letter

The flying equipment got caught on the lights one rehearsal and Bert almost died

We'd sing Feed the Birds for warm ups sometimes and I'd cry. every. time.

We were in the Disney store, and the Mary Poppins trailer starts playing as we’re buying Mary Poppins shirts, with Mary Poppins shirts already on

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all getting tortured too..I lost it. I couldn't handle it

I got germ x on a cotton round and started washing my face.

I got more body parts to literally scrub

After my grandpa died of cancer -- well. Denise killed him but they said it was the cancer...

I took a shower and scrubbed my body every day. I got a new toothbrush weekly.

I used a scouring pad from the kitchen and I didn't ever turn the cold water knob but just a tiny stream.

The water was all the way on full blast hot.

I scoured my skin off.

My Uncle Dad took me to the hospital when he finally came home from the ship. It finally docked.

Doctor asked had I burned myself. "No I just took shower and it just didn't feel clean.. It never feels clean"

"How hot is the shower?"

"Oh will the way hot. I turn the cold on slightly about midway to do the final rinse"

"How long do you shower for and how many times do you perform a "rinse"?"

"Well the shower stays on... I'd say 3 - 4 times when it's all the way hot then at least twice, so about 6.. Sometimes 10.. 12... 45 one day"

I heard my uncle dad sob from the corner. I looked st him perplexed. Cause I was doing right. I was keeping the germs off me.

"I just gotta stay clean dad" as he raised his head he sucked in air through his nose. And i saw a man in misery and guilt

"I'm so sorry sorry i thought you could handle the cancer. I thought you'd be okay and i just had ti fo to work but she...."

"I can handle the cancer dad. I just gotta stay clean and keep the germs off of me"

"What kind of products do you use. SOS pads... Denise doesn't buy a lot of Shampoo so i try to keep,that for my hair... So I'll use dish soap or sometimes even laundry. Bleach is good but she doesn't buy that one slot either. I don't like the amoniea. The smell bothers me but I had to use it 3 or 4 times because I didn't have anything else but that was when i found the SOS pads under the sink. Lo and behold they have soap in them already. So, i quiet using extra except when i wash my face with them. Soften the skin up a little bit more than so I don't get wrinkles"

I looked dead into his eyes and told something I didn't tell any other adult about what i did. I told my friends... But not in a way that it was me. "You know someone i heard of was...." Not I did this. But someone did.

My dad according to my DNA4U although there's,a story about that...

He was in the corner crying the whole time I was talking. "No she needs help. I need help for her."

The doctor said they had received a phone call he thought it was from the FBI. But he looked at his notepad and said "Nope the CIA."

"I just have to keep the germs off me tell them that. They need to, too"

"I'm calling them Billy don't you worry"

"Yeah" he said into the phone "i got a situation here. I'm gonna need you to come in and take her. ... Mental ward"

Son of a bitch. I attacked him. I wasn't crazy. I needed to be germ free.

I grabbed the phone "WHAT I NEED IS TO BE CLEAN AND YOU DO TOO GODDAM THE WHOLE WORLD"

And i beat that poor doctor in the head and back wirh that phone until it fell apart and nothing was left.

"And that's how I kill germs" I told his dead body.

Mental institution?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? THE GERM INFESTATIONS I WOULD DIE IMMEDIATELY JUST BREATHING THE AIR!!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! GOD FUCKING NO!!!

My dad just sat there as i beat the doctor to death m his eyes and jaw open as wide as can be.

"You understand right? I'm not here to hurt you but This place it's so dirty but i came here with you. Because i trust you to keep me safe. But he wouldn't. Not. The dirtiest place in the world he would send me to and i just can't have that. I'll push the panic button to get you some help that you need"

It was right by the door. So these big ass mother fucking dudes came me in started grabbing me to hold me down and strap me to the bed. Big mother fuckers HUGE. Body builders and shit. "ARE YOU GERM FREE!! DONT GET A HOLD OF ME!! LET ME GO. GODDAMINIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I killed all 3. "Now i gotta wash my hands and arms. They fucking touched my face and every thing. Stuck thier fingers in my mouth and all. I need to,start with bleach. Can you get me some?"

My dad was in shock.

"Maybe later. I'll ask you again when your nervous system calms down" I washed my face and elbows.

It was 1992 Christmas was a few weeks away. My lie age I was 12. My real age I was only 8.

Finally the CIA came in "are you here to help or force me to wash my hands again?"

He put his arms up as he walked by me and sat next to my dad "well i know Gaberiel and Calvin can help. Gaberial goes to school with her and he said she looks alright but seems to be in a trance like state most of the time. But they will know what to do. Do not worry. Sabrina you cannot keep killing doctors like that"

"I'm not going!! The backwoods motel where they put the strange and i tell you none of them know how to,wash their hands!!"

"You look like a witch!!"

"At least im a clean one fuck y'all shit"

This whole team of huge CIA dudes... They all washed their hands no less than 3 minutes up their elbows for an additional two while I watched.

This big one said "she's not alright you know that. I never washed my hands this much in my life"

I warned him i would kill him if he didn't get off the team "oh no it's refreshing I don't have a problem. My face too here i come"

When he lifted his face he saw mine. "There's nothing wrong with me sir. This world is unclean"

"That's that transelike state. Her voice gets hollow and the carries. Did she kill the others like that Bill?"

"No I didn't. He made me upset while i waited for th3 help I supposed to be needing. Like no one knows,l they can poison me any second"

I knew but i didn't know Denise injected medicine into my grandpa's vein.

I COULDN'T handle this guy at the sink. He wanted to teach me like he could do it better. Like i had something wrong with me. And he didnt like it"

"Out. Just get the fuck out of here. I'll give you a chance to live."

I ended up killing the whole line of people but this one little yellow Asian man.

He was surrounded by dead bodies. 5. They took the 3 guard nurses and the doctor out already.

"Do i wash my hands now? Is it my turn?"

"SIR!!" i said pissed off. I looked around me. My poor dad "well what do you think about your surroundings?"

"You look good. Able to kill real easily. Looks like I need some more training. But I'm just here to wash my hands as i was told to"

He told me the times he needed to wash.

"Well no one else is in line so I suppose that yes it's your turn now"

I laid down on the little check up table bed and fell to sleep. I was exhausted. Killed 9 people. Because they were aliens. And i would let someone live. 3 people in total. Out of 12..

It could be a good day after all, as long as i didn't go to Baywood Inn Acres.. I'd been there before. I escaped and let all the mental patients out. Well maybe if i went I could do that again I thought as I drifted off to sleep. I could still do it. I'd killed 9 today in just seconds.. I could let the rest escape.

Snoop put me on time restrictions. I bit him. I kicked him. I punched him in the stomach. He would walk in with a shield from SWAT to tell me to stop washing at the sink.

It was all scuffed up and I had to clean it. Germs get in them scratches and cracks...

Before he knew it it was all soaped up and If he exposed, his face he would get soaped too. Bar of soap.

Oh boy he was pissed off at me. "You need to kill the right people!!" Him and Alex Laughlin both said

"Then let me use the soap for as long as I want to"

I was a horrror show star. Like a doll. Like poltergeist. There's that doll that turns it's head all creepy. My eyes be glassy I walked around like I was dead.

I was. I was so dead inside. I KNEW my grandpa would die for no fucking reason. I knew and there wss nothing I could do to save that Old man!!!!

And i KNEW i was going get cancer, too!!!

Just wash it all off. Wash it down the drain.,that is I what i would say.

This video to some. But I used to do that.

2 years later I did get cancer in my throat just like I knew I would. I wrote about it.

So I handle death a lot better. Losing one. Germs.

If I know a person doesn't wash their hands and their hands are warm. I freak the fuck out.

"Don't fucking touch me" and I get filled with violent rage.

Some people think it's cool to make fun of me. A violent assassin. To this date with my bare hands no magic included in the last 35 years I've killed 22,489,601,427 people.

So y'all need to learn to wash your mother fucking hands. 35 seconds i recommend.

CDC says it's good in 20... Don't underestimate the power of germs. Scrub faster and go for long term use of that soap you just squirted on you. Go up to the elbows!

Eventually I got okay. To be okay I had to kill people. 862 thousand.

All aliens in stolen bodies. Then i was okay again.

But until then i would sleep walk to the sink wash,me up then hit the streets in a trance.

So they got a kid to live with me... Anton. From Queer Eye... Him...

"No what are you gonna do? He's got germs on him and he's our only kid!" Alex would bark at me.

"Then you kill him" i would tell him. He never did.

So i posted a video earlier. Poor child. "Wash your hands" "wash your hands!" In the video I shared that he shared. Poor child, "Now you gotta wash both hands although only one is dirty. The other might get jealous. Up to your elbows if you want to but definitely up to your wrists"

He played in the dirt a lot. If he didn't Snoop would pour it on him. "Now what are you gonna do?!?"

I smelled him make sure the cat didn't piss on it

Man Snoop did a hard fight. "Its fucking dirt snoop shut the fuck up!!:

I let that boy teach me about dirt. Is it clean? Does it feel fresh? Or smell bad?"

I let him choose whether to wash or not.

Somethings he HAD to wash after touching "raw meat" we had a list of things that could harm us if it was left on our hands.

I had to wash after uncooked hot dogs. Had to. Kid goddam creeped me out because he didn't

I'd just look at him like he was a leeper to give me leprosy from an uncooked hot dog.

"CHILL OUT!!!"

"Uh anuh he touched a raw hot dog and he didn't wash. Uncooked meat!! Its on there check the goddam list in a hurry" he was like a monster under my bed.

"It says raw meats baby."

"Uncooked is raw"

That little boy. Sweet precious angel he is. He said "i didn't agree because i wanted to go out side and play but now I see i take the hot dog containments into the dirt if I don't wash. So i would like to wash please"

I earned a kiss from Alex who was going by Gaberiel. At the time.

It shocked me with surprise. I did something right for the first time in weeks i wasn't yelled at by an adult. I put my head down on the arm of the chair and wept and wailed and cried.

I spent so much time fighting with who was supposed to be my friends. That it made me calm and feel normal. Ever since that day my grandpa died. I had so much built in my chest like a wall. Filled my body so.

Snoop finally understood under all that muscle mass and need to assassinate... I was still there.

"Lets go get some ice cream it's on the list for,being,human and you get sprinkles for crying."

"Lets go ma then I wanna play in the dirt.

I wasn't sure i could leave the house. I felt really wobbly... To go outside and not kill... It was dangerous. I tried to go back in like 14 times. But Alex kept stopping me. Or snoop or the baby Antony.

"Took us 15 minutes to go get us a dam treat,jist from the door to the car. When we go killing shes flying down the steps and first one to the car. Ain't no one gonna know what's wrong with her! Ain't no one!"

"I do! You just need to wash your hands! Wash Your hands!!" I had a sweet little boy next to me... I looked out the window of that white Cadillac and I sure did hope i could figure out how to,keep the world safe. They played and teased and made,him laugh.,all every one,in the car laughing with joy.

I just wanted to open the car door, jump out and die.

Later I finally told. Some movie reminded me of my grandpa... The only one I ever had. The one that allowed me to kill Denise. A prison guard.

"He died from something out side of him. Not inside out side. I can't handle it. It went down his arm.. Pink. It was something pink"

Snoop on his knees. "What was it poision?"

"Watch. Into here down this way to his pinkie then back up and then down around his heart and through his legs and up the other side and to his brain then he could smell the medicine cold cough syrup. And she kept doing it until the full bottle was,in,his body. It didn't work tho. The next day and the next. 3 more,days than,that. Then he was,dead. 2 bottles each day. Of cold medicine to kill tiny germs"

Alex's face,was,in terrified horror. Snoop still as a statue.

"Where do they live at?" Asked snoop.

"Texas. Redway lane"

"That is where you live at".

"That is what i am telling you. And i was in Texas and i didn't go to Arizona"

Snoop began to throw up in his hand and,ran,from the room.

Alex and Anthony looked at me all "why did you have to tell the truth?!"

"I'm trying to watch the movie here!!" Said Anthony "and tomorrow I wanna play in dirt"

"That's ok baby That's what you can do with Uncle Snoop. We'll be quiet now so you can watch the movie."

If you don't get germs on you. You don't get sick. Then you don't get murdered.

Stay Clean.

Corona. I'm telling you. It ain't no different.

Except I was told something worse than eating Vicks Vapo Rub would happen to me from Denise.

I had to kill 981,602,375 people like Denise until I felt satisfied the world was safer.

Until I could breathe again.

I felt my grandpa die. I was with him. I felt his whole body. When his left lung collapsed...

And he was begging "no Denise don't do it. It won't make me better. No Denise I don't want none. Dont put it in my IV. I don't have no cough or cold. I have cancer and I'm going to beat it"

And that Old man died. And I tried so hard. To keep his body alive. Just stay with him.

And his body was so riddled with cancer. He couldn't take being filled with the thick cough syrup.

After a million kills. Grandpa said I could stop the world would get better then. "If I do two more grandpa then it would get allot better"

We killed 6 million predators. By hand. We picked them from prisons.

Death Row and life sentences. They could die early if they wanted. They understood they would die. They signed contracts. And we filled them in gas chambers. And filled the air with a non toxic cough syrup smelling gas that made them relax. Laughing gas. Then we used rat poision gas. Until they died. We had some other gases too. I didnt care.

We did right by our promise and they choked end coughed choked on a white foam frothing from,their mouths. And,died.. And we watched them through a little window with gas masks on our faces.

"You know you could used a little more nitrous" would say Alex

"Only half choke to death. Most of them lay down peacefully to die."

Oddly white men were more often to fight Than the black man.

"Either the black men are innocent or they know,what to do in a poison situation"

One man. Black. Should been,dead. But he was crawling around checking on,the others. In pain he was.

I ran,from the control booth. Dodging people trying to stop me. I swung open the door against policy. Grabbed him up under his shoulders "why did you sign the paper if you didn't have any thing to do with the crime?$?!" I yelled through my gas mask

"All these are all dead i want to,know why I'm not!!: he was crying he was scared. "I didn't sign the paper because i wanted the hell out. I knew if i died I would go to Heaven!: he was sobbing. In a gas chamber. Filled with poison.

Alex held up a gas mask in,the Window I pointed my head towards my direction.

And I held the black man while he was on his knees in a room full of gas. Alex put the gas mask to protect from,gas on his face.

"Lets go you got to get out. You only have half a,mask"

"I can't"

"You got to,get out now"

He chose his fate. No one else. He would tell me when he was ready to live and i would hold him on his knees until he did. I just stared into Alex's eyes. While he said over and over "you got to, get out" like in case i forgot.

"I wanna get out! Can you help me??" I reached down and grabbed him by his waist. Hoisted him up to my hip and carried him out like a toddler. A nice grown man.

This poor man was a mess.

No one mentioned i was covered in cyanide. For 3 hours until when my skin began to itch "you need,to shower"

"When you finally get covered in killer germs you don't care Because you found someone more important, more desperate. Someone more in a bad situation.,then you don't even notice"

"You trained me not to. Could I at least get an SOS pads for my bath?"

Every one wore a gas mask around me. Even the kid. For three days Anthony did.

"Snoop said you can't go in his car covered in,gas,like,that so we got a rental car"

"You gonna drive in that gas mask?"

"Yeah. Sounds fun. We have to roll down the Windows for you to breathe. I know downtown LA but... And also we got you w hotel. You are covered in cyanide!! No on wants you home. But i do"

I think... It was the first time in my life any one ever gave me a bath while wearing a gas mask.

We had to,change,3 hotel rooms. So i wouldn't pollute the place up.

"See? You yelled at me and you're all jist as bad,and,won't even let,me,see my kid"

"Yeah well you trained us to be extra careful. More cautious than sorry"

Gaberiel. Alex Laughlin slept in bed next to me. In a gas,mask.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep. Thinkin about that man and my grandpa.

And I'd look down at the man next,to me. Pased out. Looking like an innocent kid himself.

I adored him. I felt so much love that a person would be in,danger for me. I shook his gas,mask gently

"What you woke me up what do you want? It was on purpose, too"

"Do you think that man knowed i cared? That I might love someone other than myself?"

"We treat you as though you are selfish because you sre using self harm and you don't understand it. No one is supposed to gargle with bleach? What If you swallowed it?"

"It burns my nostrils any way"

"That's not the point but baby doll. You could kill yourself and we wouldn't have you no more. That is,the point.,that is why we called you selfish. Your addiction to cleanliness could,kill you snd no one,wants that to happen. But look what you do. Go,in a gas,chamber FULL of gas with only a half mask on. You're lucky you don't go blind. But look st it this way. We pushed too hard and in the wrong way and you did drink bleach on purpose in desperation to be clean. It was undiluted, too. I know. I watched you. And you Didjt say anything. Just smiled and said "i feel" i wanted to,slap you then for not listening. But when you pushed me back so you could leave,tje room through the door i was blocking. You didnt act like nothing happened. You felt like nothing happened. And I realized we were doing something wrong then two,weeks later you tell us why it was so,important to be kept clean and germs off of you. And i wanted to die for the way snoop and I had been mistreating you. And that is why I started the gas chambers of criminals to honor Yoir grandpa for working at the prison to keep,them in line. End,it for your grandpa and avenge his death with revenge. It would be what healed you both. And next time call the police when someone is being poisoned."

"She did it when i,was asleep. I would fall asleep all kinds of times of days to be with him. I promised when i was a young kid that i wouldn't let him die alone. Not by her. And when i woke up I was too groggy to remember what was going on. I thought it was a dream a bad one i hoped it wasn't real but it was and i can't get over this feeling this fear.. That had me at constant companion"

"What does that mean my love?"

"Evil. My grandpa said"

So y'all in,this world of 2020

Keep,calm.

It is,gonna be okay.