#so i’m just not in the budget for fun purchases rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elexica · 4 years ago

Text

Second Chance Christmas {{ December 22 }}

Holiday shopping, Christmas cookies, and a movie marathon... and maybe a touch of actual communication?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832405/chapters/68577144#workskin

Full chapter under the read more.

Joey wandered downstairs at seven in the morning. He was surprised to see Kaiba inspecting the to-do list on his fridge in between long swigs from his KC branded mug.

“You haven’t finished holiday shopping?!” Kaiba’s panic-whisper sounded like he was really concerned about whether Christmas was ruined. His eye contact was almost frenetic.

“I thought I’d leave the kids with Serenity while I do the shopping, she’s supposed to be working the Christmas day shift at the hospital, so she was going to have a couple nights off… I mean it’s not…” Joey looked at the ceiling, as if he could avoid conflict if he didn’t meet the burning blue flames in his ex’s eyes. He steeled himself with a deep inhale. “It’s not as much of a production when you’re not here.”

The KC mug hit the kitchen island with not-insubstantial force. The fruit dish shook with the vibration, bananas swinging from the hook, and Joey tore his eyes from the ceiling to see the drops of black coffee that had hit the granite.

“And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?” Kaiba asked, or rather hissed, without a questioning lilt in his voice.

Joey cracked his knuckles involuntarily. Instead of letting his fingers ball into fists, he jerked open the refrigerator door and yanked out the carton of orange juice.

“You’re a smart man. I’m sure you can guess.” Joey didn’t look away from the task at hand. He militantly focused on pouring orange juice into a tall clean glass.

And there was that sinister “Kaiba” gravel, every bit as menacing as it had ever been as he hissed over the kitchen counter, “Enlighten me.” He sounded like Yugi’s troubled teen nemesis again.

Joey flipped around, gripping the orange juice to keep himself from saying too much that he would regret. “Things are more mellow, now. It isn’t about going overboard to prove a point.”

Kaiba blinked, clearly expecting a harsher phrasing. “Is it now?”

“Yeah. When I was a kid I didn’t have much for Christmas and I came out just fine…” Here it comes, Joey thought, trying not to show the hesitation in his voice as he finished, “They don’t have to be spoiled rotten.”

Joey smirked as he said it. Commenting on their different parenting styles was a low blow, but it had been just too much fun. Joey thought regret would drop into his stomach, but it never hit. Instead, his heart jumped a little, the thrill of getting a rise out of Kaiba as seductive as ever.

“Spoiled?!” Kaiba’s voice lowered in volume and tone. Joey didn’t even try to suppress his mocking grin. Instead, he chugged the rest of his orange juice, slammed down the glass and bolted from the kitchen.

“Get back here!” Kaiba said. Tonally, it was a shout, but volume-wise? Neither of them wanted the kids to wake up quite yet, even though there were probably only minutes left on the clock in that regard.

Joey slid on his socks as he ran down the hallway, drifting as he took a sharp turn. Kaiba sprang to life, suddenly in hot pursuit.

Kaiba was fast, with those long, toned legs and that Terminator-like determination. But he hadn’t spent the last three years wrangling toddlers and chasing after Alexis, who just loved wandering off at the most inopportune times. Plus, while Kaiba had memorized the floor plan at one time, Joey was recently and intimately familiar with it.

The tie breaker was the stairs—with a carved bannister that had seen better days, days before Atticus had been allowed poster paint and before Alexis had taken a tap class. Finally, Joey’s socks gambit came to bite him in the ass as the smoothness of the glossy wooden stairs and the lack of traction from the socks caused him to slip. And that wave of tripping Joey collided into a scampering Kaiba, and the two of them tumbled down the stairs.

The resulting clatter woke the kids up.

. . .

The mall was a zoo—minus the organization. Children were everywhere, and somehow all screaming at once. Everyone looked stressed, perhaps the employees most of all. And Joey realized that he didn’t really have a strategy.

Leaving the kids home with Kaiba was a luxury, and he had sort of forgotten how nice it was to have back up childcare that wasn’t molded around Serenity’s shifts as an RN. It was sort of strange too, because it was one of the few things that was completely new.

Before they separated, Kaiba never watched the kids alone—they had a full staff for that.

Would they all have a miserable time? Joey smirked to himself as he strolled past another festive display—a family of mannequins in matching flannel pajamas. Being outnumbered by the kids could be quite a problem, and although Alexis had lone wolf tendencies, when they combined forces the two were quite powerful.

Joey idly imagined what sort of hell they might put Kaiba through as he shopped for some small things to put in their stockings. He was knocked out of his reverie by eyes fell upon a yo-yo display at the toy store.

After picking up a few small trinkets—and decidedly no yo-yo’s, Joey approached the cash register.

He was not pleased to find an unfamiliar credit card in his wallet. When did Kaiba even have the time to slip that in? Joey ran his thumb over the raised letters of his own name. Did Kaiba just have these lying around? In any case, Joey steadfastly refused to use it, tucking the heavy black card back into the recesses of his worn leather wallet.

He contemplated, momentarily, throwing it in one of the trash bins that he passed by, overflowing with spent holiday Starbucks cups and overly long receipts. But if someone did get ahold of it, they might ring up some charges that could look like Joey was actually using the card. It would ruin the integrity of the refutation.

But the little rectangular siren was hard to keep from his mind. Every time he made a purchase, there it was, tempting him to draw from an unlimited account. Snap shut the golden handcuffs again, the card whispered. Make everything easier.

But Joey Wheeler was a determined man. Detractors might use the phrase stubborn, but it didn’t matter which one was more accurate. When he had a plan, he stuck to it. To the bitter end. So even though he was pushing the admittedly fragile budget to it’s limits at the music store and on Cyber Angel card packs, it remained sealed away.

Until he passed a very sad looking fundraiser.

Joey considered, as he lingered past the charity drive seeking toys for a group home for teens in the Bronx, that he might put the card to use. He realized he seemed a little off, staring down the charity workers, who were dressed as unconvincing elves, with the big collection boxes.

Joey had a timetable. He had a not unimpressive list still remaining. But that fucking card was burning a hole in his pocket. It was practically radiating heat.

But he caved. He lost the battle with the black card when he emptied the local game shop’s entire stock of new model-duel disks and donated them. Joey was trembling as he signed them over, what the name of the donor would be.

He settled on anonymous and determined that he would cut the card into fifty pieces the second he got home and scatter the shards through the trash. The damn thing was too tempting.

By the time Joey pulled into the driveway and slammed open the front door, he was ready to fight about what had happened.

But his family wasn’t immediately in view. The lights in the kitchen were on, and Joey could hear soft classical covers of Christmas music and he thought he could make out the sound of Alexis laughing.

The wind was knocked out of him when he turned the corner to see Kaiba’s black turtleneck splattered with flour.

The whole kitchen had taken a beating. Flour hadn’t just tarnished Kaiba’s polished look—it had dusted the cabinets and part of the fridge Kaiba must not have realized how easily dry ingredients spray from the stand mixer if dropped in first.

The kitchen counters certainly were not spared from the ingredient massacre. The entire kitchen island was covered in flour, some spilled food dye—which Joey could already sense would never come out of the granite—and a surprising amount of raw egg.

Upon further inspection, Kaiba was actually the one least impacted by the ingredient apocalypse. There was sugar and frosting all over Alexis’s face—how, Joey might never know—and Atticus had managed to paint some of his hair blue with blue frosting.

“Alright. Cookies are decorated and prepared for Mr. Claus, fulfilling your contractual obligations,” Kaiba said resolutely, as if he had not turned their living space into a warzone. “What is next on the festive itinerary?”

“First rule of Christmas: you must get munk’d!” Atticus announced.

Joey knocked on the boundary wall of the kitchen to announce his arrival. He expected Kaiba to look much more surprised than he did. Instead, Kaiba’s affectionate attention merely pivoted between Atticus and Joey. It was warm and familial, and it sent a pang of heat and guilt and maybe something else down Joey’s spine.

“Next is getting this cleaned up, I think,” Joey said, finding himself in uncharted territory. It felt weird to be the responsible one out of him and Kaiba. He still wasn’t used to being the buzzkill parent, and he didn’t like it.

Kaiba could have said something mean—made some comment about would spoil the fun, but instead he nodded politely. “Yes,” Kaiba surveyed the room. “I think that would be the next step.”

While the kids groaned at the thought of helping with the chores component of the activity, Joey went to inspect the output.

Apparently, Kaiba had lead the kids through the process of making gingerbread men. Four were set aside and logically decorated to be their family: a stretched out one with blue blobs for eyes and a little black gel icing frown, a slightly more squished one with yellow on top in some sort of approximation of Joey’s hair, and two smaller ones representing each kid.

They really did look like a family.

“You can’t eat those ones,” Kaiba instructed from over Joey’s shoulder. Joey startled at the interruption. He hadn’t realized his ex had gotten so close, and was looming over him properly.

“I figured they might be a little special.”

“Frankly, I don’t know that I’m comfortable with Santa eating them. I’m a bit worried he’d just bite my head off, and leave him as an example to the others.”

Joey laughed.

“I don’t think Santa’s supposed to leave death threats to the cookies, Kaiba. But uh…” Joey reached for another plate which had not been as lovingly decorated. He tore the little head of a random gingerbread man with this teeth, and noted the nice flavor. Butter and molasses and a hint of cloves. He placed the decapitated body of the gingerbread man back down on the display plate. “This guy’ll scare the rest of ‘em straight.”

. . .

After everyone had gotten cleaned up and changed into pajamas (and Joey had discretely moved the gifts into the master bedroom closet), the family reconvened in the living room.

“Oto-san, are you ready for the greatest movies ever made?” Atticus announced. He seemed confident that his father wasn’t ready—and he was right. “Are you ready to get… ‘munk’d?”

Kaiba poked at his reading glasses and adjusted his laptop screen. He had been working on some spreadsheets or something, but his interest was obviously piqued.

Joey smiled. He knew exactly what Kaiba was in for, and he was going to savor it.

“Munk’d?” Kaiba repeated back carefully, as if he was worried it was a swear or a slur.

“Yeah!” Atticus grabbed the remote and deftly navigated the SmartTV through a few different apps before finding exactly what he was looking for. “It’s a quadrilogy.”

Kaiba slowly tiled his laptop screen down. “That’s not a word.”

“I have an inventive spirit, Oto-san!” Atticus’s smile beamed forward as he continued to queue the feature film. Without looking away from the screen, Atticus added, “Just like you.”

The soft smile that graced Kaiba’s features stung at Joey immediately. And it vanished at the first pitchy note of the CGI Alvin and the Chipmunks warbling through Daniel Powter’s 2005 hit, “Bad Day.”

“See, they’re kids, but they’re also rock stars!” Atticus enthused. Before Kaiba could get out any other response, Atticus cracked up at the vintage CGI creatures jumping into a muffin basket.

“It’s okay if you don’t like this one, Oto-san,” Alexis offered, hopping up on the couch on the other side. “They get better when they introduce the Chipettes in the Squeakquel.”

Joey wished he had photographed the resulting look of horror on Kaiba’s face.

Joey leaned back in his own arm chair, nursing a fresh mug of hot cocoa. “Quadrilogy, Kaiba. That means there are four of them.”

After the first movie, the kids we already starting to wear down a little. Kaiba had sat through the entire thing, undulating between puzzled and disturbed at the dated animation, the fact that the chipmunks had managed to get into and out of a dishwasher unharmed, and that the moral of the movie appeared to be that brothers should be very careful about who adopts them.

“This entire thing could have been prevented if the Chipmunks had just retained counsel before signing the relevant contracts,” Kaiba said dismissively.

Joey couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s about family, Kaiba.”

Any further discussion was cut off by the raucous opening music for the Squeakquel and ninety-ish minutes later, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.

It was a true Christmas miracle that the kids passed out on the couch before the start of Alvin and the Chipmunks 4: The Road Chip.

Joey met Kaiba’s slightly tired eyes. Admittedly, the ending of Chipwrecked was somewhat jarring. Frankly, the entire thing was more of a fever dream mixed with memes from 2011 than a sensible film. “Alright, I’ll take Alexis, if you can take Atticus?”

Kaiba nodded solemnly, accepting the delegation.

Alexis was usually pretty easy to get to sleep, though sometimes she was anxious from the day’s events, or too busy planning the next day to focus on getting to bed. Joey was not at all surprised that Kaiba was taking longer to get Atticus down for the night. He peered through the cracked door to see Atticus’s room illuminated by the little nightlight—shaped like a music note.

In the dim light, it was clear that Kaiba was sitting on the edge of Atticus’s bed. Atticus was all tucked in, holding his Red Eyes Black Dragon plushie, and gazing up at his father.

“And every night when you go to sleep…” Seto prompted, sounding almost like a strict teacher.

“I am loved,” Atticus replied.

“And every morning when you wake up?” Seto started the second part of the call and response.

“I am loved,” Atticus answered, “Oto-san, you don’t have to say it every night when you’re around! I know you love me.”

“It is important to me that you never doubt it, and never forget it. Even when I’m not around.” Joey’s heart could have melted in that second.

Atticus laughed. “You’re so sappy, Oto-san. I don’t know why Uncle Honda calls you a frozen bastard!”

Joey could barely muffle his reaction.

Kaiba’s face whipped around to the cracked open door. “Jounouchi?” He whispered harshly. But it was to no real effect. Joey was already lost to laughter, and dashed through the hallway. By the time Joey dared to retrace his steps back to Atticus’s door frame, Kaiba had vanished.

. . .

It was not hard to guess where Kaiba had retreated to. Joey pushed open the door of the study and was met with the increasingly familiar sight of his ex-husband in his oxblood leather chair, swirling a glass of expensive, aged, imported whiskey in his long fingers and staring at it like it held the secrets of the universe.

“I saw you with Atticus,” Joey offered, wandering into the study. He looked more at the full shelves of books than at his ex. Most of the volumes were in Japanese, but a select few were in English. Warren Buffet’s autobiography was open on his lap, but Joey was fairly sure he wasn’t actually reading it.

“Yes,” Kaiba answered, flipping the page. No, Joey was sure he hadn’t actually read it, his eyes never really left the swirling amber.

“And he musta overheard a call with Honda. It wasn’t on purpose or anything.”

Kaiba nodded wordlessly.

“You really do miss them, huh?” Joey asked, trying not to sound as nostalgic as he felt.

Kaiba’s face remained stoic, but he took a sip of the whiskey instead of answering. Only that asshole could make something so mundane utterly captivating. Joey hated that he would wait for a response as long as he needed to. Joey’s eyes searched the hand clasping the glass, and noted with a brutal sinking feeling, that the ring was off again.

“Why are you here, Jounouchi?” Kaiba asked finally.

“It’s my house, now. I can go anywhere I want,” Joey announced. Kaiba ignored this answer, and turned his head down to the book on his lap. He flipped another page.

Joey considered whether he should just leave, skip out on the argument, avoid it all and properly give up. Let his ex-husband drink his gross fancy liquor and read his boring book and luxuriate in the solitude as only Seto Kaiba could.

But it had been three years. Three years of not demanding answers. Three years with no clarity. So Joey broke the silence.

“Why didn’t you fight for me? For our family? Even for a second?” Joey felt the heat in his own voice, burning the back of his throat. That was how it was, fighting with Kaiba. A never ending battle of fire and ice.

Kaiba was silent, and took a long sip of the Japanese whiskey. He closed the book, which was more respect than Joey had anticipated.

“That’s what broke my heart, really.” Tears threatened to fall out of Joeys eyes as he said it. “That I told you that it was over, and you couldn’t spare one shred of anger, or sadness, or anything.” Joey hated the pleading tone in his own voice. “It felt like you had already dumped me.”

Kaiba raised his glance from the book cover, the amber glass, and instead looked him dead in the eye. Joey wondered if those blue eyes had always been so lifeless and hollow. “So, you wanted me to argue with you?”

“I don’t know,” Joey answered, running a hand through his messy blond hair. He hadn’t planned the whole argument out. Frankly, he hadf didn’t expect any response.

“Our children didn’t need to watch that,” Kaiba said.

“Watch what? A conversation? An argument? You think it would have been worse for them to hear their parents argue or yell once than… going through a whole fucking divorce?” Joey’s volume crept up and he was done controlling it.

Kaiba didn’t answer. He looked into the glass again, but didn’t lift it.

“Or what? What couldn’t they see? You actually respect my time? Respect me?” Joey wasn’t used to having the rhetorical upper hand, and he wasn’t going to waste it, gesticulating wildly. “I got no respect my whole life, I wasn’t gonna let my kids see me treated like that too.”

For all the theatrics, Kaiba scarcely responded.

“Watch it happen again,” Kaiba almost whispered. There was a ghostly quality to the statement, as if Kaiba neither meant to say it nor for Joey to hear it. Kaiba cleared his throat and started again. He brought his eyes back up to meet Joey’s.

“I learned that lesson a long time ago,” Kaiba’s jaw was clenched so tightly the words almost didn’t escape. “I’m not trying to be loved by someone who doesn’t love me.” Kaiba’s fingers twitched, as if he wanted to fiddle with something. But his control and focus wouldn’t let him give in.

For Joey’s part, he stood and tried to absorb these complete non-sequiturs.

“I can’t, and I won’t, try to force or trick you or anyone else into caring about me. I have paid dearly for that miscalculation before. I will not make the same mistake again.”

For all of the “slow” comments he had been subjected to over the years, Joey caught up quickly enough to what Kaiba was referring to. And he wasn’t going to let him play that card, get out of all responsibility because he had emotional constipation.

“You realize there’s a difference between someone asking you to be a better partner and… and not loving you anymore. Asking you to adjust some things instead of… never wanting to see you again. Things aren’t just black and white!” Joey answered.

“Divorce papers are black and white, Jounouchi.” Kaiba finally downed the rest of the glass, the lilt of his voice the same as a “check mate.”

Joey hated to be the first to raise his voice but that door had already been opened. He wasn’t going to be able to get the toothpaste back in the tube.

“Have you met you?! You wouldn’t listen to anything less! And I tried!” Joey shouted, hands raised defensively.

“I wasn’t going to stay where I wasn’t wanted, and you made it very clear that you didn’t want to be with me.” Kaiba didn’t answer with the same volume, but the intensity was raised and the harshness of his voice was jarring. His eyes narrowed like a hawk eying prey. “I didn’t change, for the record. I did not degrade or fail or alter in any way. No, I stayed exactly the same. You simply decided you did not want that anymore.”

“You’re damn right, I was sick of being disrespected. I spent a lot of time not wanting to feel that way anymore. And you really wouldn’t take my feelings into consideration. Was I supposed to tolerate that forever?” Joey’s volume increased with every clipped sentence.

Kaiba’s voice became more languid—as if he was more comfortable responding to the anger. He sounded somewhat like he was pondering his answer as he said it. Drunk on whiskey and a philosophical sense. “Isn’t that what you promised you would do? What unconditional love is supposed to be? Unconditional: without conditions. And yet, after years, suddenly you have conditions—"

“Excuse me?” Joey interrupted.

“You promised. That your love for me, for our family, was unconditional. And then, years later, you have a set of demands. That is the very essence of a condition.” Kaiba finished the glass with his scholarly speech, placing it next to the decanter. He shoved the book onto the side table as well.

“There’s a difference between not loving someone and wanting to be treated like your damn husband.” Kaiba’s tone rubbed off on him somewhat, as if it was a scholarly discussion about the terms of their marriage. Like if he could just explain it clearly enough, he could talk his husband back into their marriage.

Kaiba kept his hands busy pouring another glass. “Well you were right. You’re doing better now, aren’t you? Enjoying your work, the kids are fine. You proved it—you don’t need me at all. And you don’t want me. In three days, I’ll be gone, and you can go back to your better way of life.”

“It’s not—I’m not better now! I’m fine, things are fine, just different and—” Joey stuttered, hands defensively raised. “And, and having you here has been... It hasn’t made anything worse. It’s like you changed for the better.”

“I don’t change, Jounouchi. I am who I am.” Kaiba said, the cruel air of finality sounding as much like a business decision as anything else.

Joey’s eyes widened and he gestured wildly. “Fuck, Kaiba… Then what’s this?! You’ve made it for three days actually being… just, present. For once. Three years too late. Why? Why now and not then?”

Kaiba shrugged and looked away.

Joey closed the distance, looming over his ex-husband, perched in the chair. “I know why,” Joey said, menace in his voice. “It’s because you only respond to threats. Consequences. And now you know the consequences, so you’re getting your act together.”

Kaiba met his eyes, but looked brutally tired. “I am trying to give you what you want for a few days, Jounouchi. Call it a Christmas present to the father of my children.”

“You’re saying this is an act?”

He titled his head all the way back, eyes glued to the ceiling and thumb and forefinger pinching his nose bridge, just above the wire of his glasses. “I don’t know what this is, Jounouchi. Just be happy, or whatever, and leave me in peace.”

Joey really thought about leaving. He wanted to. But he wasn’t quite done, not really, and he’d been avoiding this fight for years. Joey never used to back down from a fight, and neither did Kaiba. It brought them to blows for years, and the avoidance of conflict had been more sickening than any gut-punch Joey had ever taken.

“I’m not gonna.” Joey said, simply. Hands on his hips, standing his ground.

Kaiba leaned up again, head snapping to attention, hand already on the crystal decanter. “What?”

“Leave. I’m not gonna do it. You can try to make me. I’m not done, alright?! You’re obviously not done,” Joey pushed forward, grabbing Kaiba’s wrist and pulling his hand off of the decanter. “Make it easy. Say you’ll be better, Kaiba.”

“I won’t do that. I don’t change, Jounouchi, because I can’t change.” Kaiba did nothing with his wrist, except allow it to go limp in Joey’s grasp. It was as if he was that confident in the strength of his words that he didn’t so much as care to tense a muscle. “I will ask you once more, nicely. Get out of my office.”

“No.” Joey dropped his wrist, and Kaiba retracted it into his lap. “You can change. You did. You just didn’t notice.” It felt good, Joey thought, being honest for once with this man that he used to love.

“I have work.”

“You don’t. They can’t fire you.” Joey got up in his face, so close he could smell Kaiba’s shampoo. Other than the soft sandalwood scent, it felt a bit like when he was riling up a rival high school bully back in Domino. “Fight me! Make me leave! You want me to go so bad? Then make me!”

Kaiba smirked, knowingly. Then he leaned his head back against the chair. His bangs fully eclipsed his eyes. “I won’t. I’ll just sleep here.” There it was again. The checkmate tenor.

“Fine!” Joey plopped down in the seat next to him, the velvet of his matching seat just soft enough. “Then I’ll sleep here too.”

If Kaiba shifted his eyes to check, Joey couldn’t tell under the thick brown bangs. In any case, the stubborn ass didn’t get up. He didn’t storm off or leave. He just stayed there, like a determined rock under Joey’s constant observation.

After about half an hour, Joey heard the even breathing pick up into a light snore.

In the morning, Kaiba awoke alone in the guest room, with no memory of how he got there.

#Violetshipping #puppyshipping #seto kaiba #Kaiba Seto #Jounouchi Katsuya #Joey Wheeler #fanfic #my fanfic #yugioh #ahhhhhhhhhhhh #i hope you like it this chapter is a lot #i was vibing though

10 notes · View notes

nyrator · 4 years ago

Text

still feel like venting and rambling into spacee

broke up with kresna yesterday, he still hasn’t responded to me at all. I’m worried, but don’t want to keep pestering him, either. I know he really wanted us to be a thing, but I don’t think I’m built for a relationship. Maybe we can try again once the border is open and see how things go in person. But right now, we’re too frustrated and too weighed down by our own personal lives to harmonize well at the moment, and it’s not like I haven’t brought up the issue several times as well to brace him for it. Maybe it’ll just be a refreshing breather for the two of us to help get things back on track, but he can take things very personally. I hope I haven’t lost my best friend. I really, really hope I haven’t lost him for good.

He really is a good person. I can’t really give him what he needs right now- I just end up giving him more problems, and I hope this was the right decision. It felt like the only decision I had. I’m scared at how dangerous it might turn out to be. I still plan on treating him the same, if he chooses to accept it, he’s still my best friend like I said, but I feel it’s going to be a lot harder on him and I hope he can make it through this.

My boss texted me today and told me they’re closing the store down next month, which is sad. That floral shop was very good to me, I remember my boss wanting to downsize and just have me and her running the business together, if I ended up not moving to Canada. Sad that won’t happen, but glad she got a new job as a substitute teacher. They’re pretty sure I can get a manager job at any craft store if I applied (I’m doubtful), and I live somewhat close to some big ones (Joanns/Michaels/Hobby Lobby/etc), so maybe I’ll start applying there. I can’t imagine a lot of the smaller stores staying open (what is it, 20 percent of them went out of business so far since covid?), so probably not worth it to even apply to them. Will have to get a car, too. Have $10,000 in savings, theoretically it can last me all of 2021 without including spending it on a car.

Speaking about my budget out loud.

$125 a month in rent, ~$35 in electric, $65 on internet, and say ~$10 for four-ish loads of laundry a month = $235 on basic living.

Groceries, roughly $30 a month I’d say, I tend to not need much, and any food is covered under food stamps. ~$65 a month on cats. = ~ $330 a month I spend on average, plus any luxury items like video games that I might buy.

Right now I still receive about $220 every two weeks from unemployment, but that can disappear at any moment. Rent is income based, I don’t know if they took it with my unemployment or without since it was right when it got re-extended somehow, probably from covid. I was told $25 a month (I know, that’s absolutely insane), but the paperwork says $125 (still insane but I’ll take what I can get, rent is the one good thing I have going for me right now, thank you income-based senior apartment).

I also applied for another credit card, but still inexperienced at building credit- hopefully it builds quick enough where if I need a car, I can get a decent payment plan

In short, I can get by for a year without a job, theoretically, but I’d rather not. And the sooner I get a car, the better, probably- driving makes me extremely, extremely anxious, though, but I can’t really walk anywhere safely either thanks to the highways/interstates. There’s biking, but most things are on a highway uphill... And always the bus if they still run, but the bus I take is very limited on where it goes...

Another stimulus would be great (ah, politics), if only to help with the bigger purchases. Still like the idea of UBI too, even though it’s highly unlikely we’ll get anything like it any time soon.

I also thought about going back to school, maybe online courses, get something in computers. One for personal use- to make things like video games, but also to see if I can get a career in it. I know it’s a field that is in need of programmers, I just wonder if I’d be able to do it (or afford it...), feels like a big commitment for me.

Been in weird mode post-break up. Part of me does feel refreshed, like I can focus on myself again, on my projects. Another friend is trying to inspire our group to work on our fangames again before the New Year, and I feel like I might work on you&me again, finally. Maybe Ploom, too, or Skatered concept art. Maybe I’m just filling my head with these ideas to cope and not think about the terrible thing I’ve done, I dunno. Today depression hit a lot harder than yesterday.

Still playing with the idea of becoming a vtuber legitimately ever since an artist I followed became one, maybe as Lave, maybe as a completely original character and become totally anonymous about it. I’d probably do pre-recorded videos rather than streams, I’d imagine. I’m not a good speaker- not a lot to talk about, and I have a lisp and trip over my words a lot. I’d probably just play my favorite games (Yume Nikki, Cave Story, F-Zero GX, etc) and keep a shy, somewhat informational persona, or something, instead of the energetic reactionary ones I usually see. Beyond games, not sure- Q&As, if the audience is there for it, otherwise, hm. Maybe art recordings, I guess. I’d like to play music, but good ol’ dmca stuff still exists.

Chances are very slim this actually happens, and I feel like a dork for even entertaining the idea, but it’s something to think about to kill time, I suppose.

Healthwise, slowly getting back on track, but it varies. Starting to eat 1,500 calories again (mostly through chocolate, though), bought some foods to try, but no idea how to prepare. Today was a low energy kind of day, took three naps throughout it and still feel like laying in bed.

My sleep is still something- I’m always fascinated by sleep and parasomnia stuffs that I kind of want to experiment, but for my health I probably shouldn’t. One night recently I had a strange dream, more of a feeling, mixed with sleep paralysis and other things I shouldn’t mention. Got a few entries this month for my dream diary again, not sure if it’s from my crazy sleep schedules, or from actively keeping the diary again, or what.

Still on the fence about sharing the diary, if only because of how embarrassing it is. Maybe through RN, for some reason I like exposing those kinds of thoughts through RN to vent, I guess- it’s fun to embarrass Lave and not fun to embarrass me, even though that makes no sense. I don’t think I could draw those dreams, though, so maybe a written blog post on the RN blog...? I dunno.

Also slowly getting back into the ACNH life- realized I’m still missing a lot of furniture though, made a wishlist but haven’t really played with anyone lately, wish the Nooklings would actually sell new items (come on Nintendo, add another upgrade, please- I do wonder if more items than I think are limited in color selection per island, like the Nook items/surfboards). Might have to make a separate post for it laterr. Also updated my wardrobe in the game finally, not 100% on it (the skirt mainly, maybe the hat too) but overall it looks okay. Not sure why I’m such a huge fan of moccasins but pink ones are great (I’ve only owned brown ones irl). Still would like to own a hat like that, too... especially now that my hair is thinning more and more

also recipes are still a pain to get, made a checklist and it looks like I’m still missing roughly a third of the recipes, rippp (one day, giant teddy bear, wooden bookshelf, cool moon chair thing, etc...)

#text stuffs #nyrants #wondering if I should call them nyvents or something

2 notes · View notes

wherefunsurvives · 4 years ago

Note

Hey I’m an incoming student at Uchi and I just want to ask: 1. 🥺 do you think they (orientation office) will still give out free goodies like mugs and class T-shirt? 2. What’s your experience with housing when the school went remote? For personal issues, I probably can’t return home. 3. Do you have any general advice for winter gear? My parents said I should buy it around October/November so it won’t take up space in my luggages.

Hi there! And welcome to UChicago!! 1) So i think it will go one of two ways - either yes, because they really want to cultivate a strong alumni donor base which means trying to make sure students have really good experiences and memories, especially during O-Week. Alternatively, because they’re in major financial troubles rn (as is every university ever) they might not. I think that if they do, and I really hope they do, it’ll be just a few things - most likely a t-shirt, mug, drawstring bag sort of deal. i don’t think they’ll spend a ton of money on BIG O-Week gifts but i think they’ll probably make sure y’all get a few nice things.

2) Hmm okay so if we’re talking facilities, it was okay. i was in Max, and having private bathrooms meant I could social distance pretty well. Going to the dining hall always made me a bit anxious but they did a really good job of sanitizing everything and the staff were great. However, it is super lonely, so just be prepared for that. Set up time for video calls with friends from home and people on campus! Housing experience wise, it was very strange. Now keep in mind, i was an RA. So I guess i saw many different sides of it, but i didn’t feel as connected to my house and I know my residents didn’t get the experience i wanted them to get. Many houses found fun ways to connect with each other but it’s just not the same as having study break in the lounge together and taking trips on the CTA, you know? But i know the housing staff are trying their best to make next year feel special, and we’ve learned a lot from last quarter!

3) Honestly i’d buy in October! Last year it snowed on Halloween so it gets quite cold quite fast. If you can find any on sale now from last season’s line, I think it’s worth a good deal and having it either take up space in your luggage or asking if your parents can ship it or something! i got a version of this coat from North Face before my first year. It was on sale for like $250 at the time and while it felt expensive, that parka held up like a champion through 4 years of Chicago winters, countless hours getting tossed around in the Reg or the CTA or in class, and even a Polar Vortex. imo, it’s worth it to invest in a coat that you know will keep you warm even in subzero temperatures and that will hold up. This post has some good recs of solid winter coats that are over and under $250 depending on your budget! REI, LL Bean, North Face, Patagonia, and Columbia are good places to look for a coat and always check the sale/clearance section! ASOS, H&M, Target, and Everlane have some even cheaper options. If you REALLY want to wait and you can handle waiting the cold out (honestly if you’re not walking to class you might be able to do this), then wait until Black Friday to purchase a coat so you can take advantage of the sales then.

5 notes · View notes

icy-md · 4 years ago

Text

January 2021 Budget Recap

This is a tentative series I’m starting on my blog. Personal finance is something I became very interested in when I got into medical school, because IT IS EXPENSIVE. Yeah, definitely not as expensive as the States, but it’s still not cheap, either.

Personal finance is very personal, but I thought it would be interesting to have this series for the sake of transparency and accountability. I say transparency because this is something I really wish someone else posted but I can’t really find, but at the same time, I will be a bit cagey just for privacy reasons.

(I didn’t include rent, groceries, utilities, any of the classic fixed expenses because I’m not paying that rn. I’d rather not disclose why, but I understand this is a hugely privileged position.)

January 2021 Budget Recap

Subscriptions: I pay for my some of my family’s subscriptions, which costs me ~$25 a month.

Giving: I donate $20 a month. Last month was to a GoFundMe.

Family spending: Budgeted $100, spent about $70.

School: I originally budgeted $1,500 for this, but then I decided only to buy Boards and Beyond for now (instead of also buying Sketchy, Pathoma, AMBOSS). So I cut down my budget to $600, which I used to buy Boards, as well as my stethoscope. I also needed a proof of enrollment form for a bursary, and I paid a small deposit to get a hospital badge. It all ended up about $600.

Eating out: Budgeted $100, spent about $40. Ate out twice, which I’m pretty proud of.

Clothing: Budgeted $200, spent $80. I’m trying to buy more clothes to build a wardrobe with good pieces. I don’t regret my purchases here.

Beauty: Budgeted nothing, but then I ran out of some skincare, so I bought very expensive skincare for $150... I don’t regret it because it was a good deal for the size. And I won’t need to buy it for a few months. I’m pretty scrimpy on beauty products, I don’t buy things that I don’t already have, so I’m not bothered by it. Covered it from my clothing budget I think.

Gifts: I budgeted $150 because I bought some late Christmas presents lol, and I had some birthdays. I spent $125, but I anticipate spending that extra $25 this month because I still haven’t bought a friend’s birthday present (it’s a group gift and logistically has been a nightmare).

Health: This is where I didn’t budget enough (or anything... lol). I realised I hadn’t gone to the dentist in over a year, mainly because I lost my dental insurance through my parents. Which is dumb, because I had school dental insurance... anyway, I went to the dentist and it ended up costing $600. Luckily my school dental insurance covered $400 of it, so I only ended up paying $200. But I didn’t budget for this, and basically wiped out all the other categories I had underspended in to cover for this (and was lucky it was enough).

Fun money: Budgeted $40, spent $20 on a game. No regrets. It was worth it.

Books: Budgeted $30, spent $20. I don’t buy books often, but I did for the new year. It was kind of not a great purchase, but books can’t be the worst investment in the world.

Misc: Budgeted $50, spent $50. It’s not really spending though, because I put it towards my investment account after I saw the GME story LOL. I haven’t invested it in anything yet... it takes 3 business days for a deposit to process so I thought I’d keep it in an account just in case I want to invest in the future.

Total spending: $1415

Thoughts

A bit of an abnormal month with school and health expenses, as well as some leftover holiday gifts that brought my spending up.

This was my first month really diving in the deep end with budgeting, so I did budget a bit more than I expected for my categories. That ended up working out for me because of my huge unexpected health expense, but I’m glad that I have a better idea of my spending patterns moving forward. That in combination with me trying to spend less money in February has me having a much smaller budget for February, which is... maybe not the wisest choice, but we’ll see on March 1st, eh?

𝒾𝒸𝓎 👑

#icy-md #med school #m1 #budget recap

0 notes

davidcdelreal · 7 years ago

Text

How to Retire with $2 Million [Case Study]

$2 million is a lot of money.

But let’s face it, it’s not as much as it was a decade ago.

So when a hopeful retiree approaches me with a nest egg worth $2 million and wants to know if they’ll be able to successfully retire, there isn’t a clear-cut answer as many would think.

There are many factors that go into the equation such as:

Retirement goals

Spending habits

Dependents

Desired retirement location

Health

Investment risk tolerance

And much more

This is what makes financial planning tricky but also a ton of fun because every situation and story is unique.

The following is a sample case study of retirees who are seeking to retire with a nest egg worth $2 million. Some of the details have been changed for their protection.

While this case study focuses on soon-to-be retirees, this should also be an important lesson for any Gen X’er or Gen Y’er wanting to retire one day.

A portfolio worth $2 million does not grow overnight.

And while it may seem impossible for some to attain, it’s very doable with discipline and a plan of attack.

The Petersons' Story

First, here’s some of their back story:

Joseph Peterson is 58 years old, started working for Ameren Corporation at age 24 as a lineman, and is now a Training and Simulation Supervisor – part of Ameren’s Crisis Management Team.

Joseph is looking to retire in four years at the age of 62. Joseph currently has a tax-deferred 401(k) plan worth $671,045. Four years ago Joseph opened a tax-exempt Roth IRA and contributes $6,500 per year – it's worth $28,517 today. Joseph also has a Traditional IRA worth $219,714. Additionally, Joseph has a defined benefit pension plan as part of his employment benefits with Ameren. The current value on the pension plan is $650,000.

Debra Peterson is 57 years old, started working as an RN at 22, and at the age of 30 she quit working to become a full-time stay-at-home mom. Debra stayed at home with her children for 10 years and went back to work at age 40 as an RN.

She has tax-deferred 401(k) plan worth $159,305 through her employer at the hospital. Debra opened a tax-exempt Roth IRA five years ago, and contributes $6,500 per year – it's worth $36,496 today.

Together, Joseph and Debra have a checking account balance of $83,000 and a savings account valued at $153,031.

They currently owe $155,033 on their mortgage, Joseph owes $15,000 on his truck loan, and Debra owes $20,035 on her car loan.

Joseph and Debra have three children: Matt who is 27 years old and works as a line cook in St. Louis; Morgan who is 25 years old, still lives at home, and is in the process of finishing graduate school; and Samantha who is 18 years old and is getting ready to start college. Joseph and Debra are going to pay for Samantha's college education.

Here's a total of their assets and liabilities:

Assets: $2,001,108

Liabilities: $315,068

Total: $1,811,040

Joseph and Debra wish to have $90,000 per year for retirement and have certain goals they wish to fulfill while living comfortably in retirement.

First, when Joseph retires he plans to spend $25,000 to buy a new car for his son Matt, and then two years later $25,000 to buy a new car for his daughter Morgan, and then four years from now $25,000 to buy a car for Samantha.

Joseph and Debra also want to start traveling as soon as Joseph retires so they plan to have $10,000 budgeted per year to travel for 10 years straight. They wish to travel to Italy, Rome, and Greece together. They also want to take their children to New Zealand.

In 2023, five years after Joseph retires, he plans to buy a lakeside cabin for him and his family where they can spend their summers. He plans to spend $30,000 on the cabin.

Our Unique Process

If one of my clients asks if they can retire with $2 million, we have to go beyond the numbers to find a solid answer.

That’s why before we get begin the number-crunching, I like to get the clients really thinking about retirement and what the next few years is going to look like. Here's the simple question I ask them:

“If we were meeting three years from today – and you were to look back over those three years to today – what has to have happened during that period, both personally and professionally, for you to feel happy about your progress?”

Obviously, their investments' performance and us working together will be a part of this equation, but I want to know more:

What will a typical day look like for them in retirement?

What do they think will keep them the most busy?

What will they be doing in retirement that they are not able to do now?

What are the challenges, opportunities, and strengths that will either help them or prohibit them from achieving these goals?

After they answer some of those questions we dive into the numbers. We use an account aggregator called Blueleaf which allows all our clients to see their entire portfolio in one place. I’m amazed how many people will have multiple 401(k) investment accounts spread out amongst five, six, seven, or eight different institutions, but never look at it under one microscope. That’s what Blueleaf offers.

Initially, we’ll just take a look at their current allocations and then start conducting stress tests to see how those portfolios will hold up over time.

Based on the risk tolerance and their income needs, we determined that Joseph and Debra needed roughly 60% of their investments in stocks and 40% in bonds for the first 10 years of retirement. After some of their goals of buying a timeshare and buying their kids' graduation gifts, then we felt we could tone down the allocation to 40% stocks and 60% bonds (that's what these two graphs represent).

I tell all our clients that the output is only as good as the input so we have to do our best to have a clear understanding of our financial goals and what our income needs are going to be in retirement.

I know this is difficult for some, but it just reinforces how important having some sort of budget is if you want to have a successful retirement.

Are They Going to Make It?

Based on all these numbers, do the Petersons stand a chance? Can they retire with $2 million at Joseph’s desired age of 62? Let’s take a look.

According to our financial planning software, they have a 90% probability of success of achieving this goal.

What exactly does this 90% number represent?

The financial planning software runs 1,000 different scenarios taking a look at every single market that we’ve experienced, good and bad, and the takes a look at their income needs adjusted for inflation. So based on all of this, they have a 90% chance of succeeding with their goal of not running out of retirement money which would be at Joseph’s age of 95.

In case you’re wondering, this is good news. Typically, we like to see clients in the 85% or above range, so anything in the 90s leaves us feeling pretty confident.

Shortfall Analysis

So is there a chance that they’ll run out of retirement funds? Is there a chance they’ll really run out of money with $2 million in their portfolio?

A shortfall analysis looks at the mean age of when they run out of money based on the 1,000 different simulations.

As you can see, the average age shortfall is 87 which is well past their most crucial years in retirement.

The other factor we’re assuming is that their retirement spending is increasing due to inflation each and every year.

I tell a lot of clients that usually retirement spending is more like a bell curve where the first couple of years they're spending much more of their retirement nest egg.

After the first years of traveling and doing things that they've been waiting to do in retirement the bell curve starts to decline and their spending decreases. This is typically the case, but usually predicting the future isn't easy.

The Tricky Business of Prediction

As you can see, there are many factors that go into prediction. Predicting the most plausible performance of a portfolio is no easy task. In fact, it's tricky business.

Thankfully, there are a number of tools available that can help financial advisors give the best possible advice to their clients. But the problem is that many of these tools are underused and the right questions usually aren't being asked.

Consider this, too: Just because a certain investment performed a certain way for a certain number of years, that doesn't mean the investment will perform similarly in the future. Past performance is not directly correlated to future performance. It can be easy for clients – not to mention financial advisors – to forget this and make assumptions without considering all the possible consequences of a particular action.

That's why when I sit down with clients I remind them that even though there may be a high degree of certainty of this or that outcome, there is still a possibility that a different outcome may come to pass.

While there's no way to predict the future with 100% accuracy, one may become better at prediction by considering all of the known factors such as planned vacation time, major purchases, and more.

Financial Advisors Who Promise Fantastic Gains

I, for one, am always careful when suggesting future performance of a fund. Scott Beaulier writing for Forbes has it right when he asserts:

“Just” being average in the world of finance is actually being pretty darn good.

If you hear a financial advisor claim they can consistently get you a 12% return year after year, that might be just one of many reasons you should fire them and run the other direction.

The Petersons have a good chance at living the retirement dream they envisioned, but if I were to cast their projections into a more favorable light, I would probably be giving them too much confidence. The truth is, there is a chance that they might run into unexpected setbacks. It's not likely, but it's possible, and they need to know that.

Find a Financial Advisor Who Discloses Risks and Makes a Plan

Can the Petersons have a comfortable retirement with $2 million? Most likely, yes. But they need to understand the risks involved, as little as they may be.

Can you retire with $2 million? How about $1 million? Mitch Tuchman writing for Forbes says:

You can retire with a million dollars – or any other amount – by setting your sights on a goal and taking saving seriously. A well-designed investment portfolio will get you there, almost inevitably.

The key words here are that you need a “well-designed” investment portfolio. How do you get one of those?

Sit down with a professional, make sure they consider as many variables as possible, and design a plan. Take your time when you're asking yourself if you can retire with any particular amount of money – you can't afford to get it wrong. You can also check out our unique financial planning process The Financial Success Blueprint.

The post How to Retire with $2 Million [Case Study] appeared first on Good Financial Cents.

from All About Insurance https://www.goodfinancialcents.com/retire-with-2-million

0 notes

cassieminus-blog · 7 years ago

Text

the loseit thread on Reddit is so inspiring and people are so encouraging to one another. the FAQ page also encouraged me, as did one post that outlined 8 keys to weight loss. I bookmarked that page to consult now and again. it feels good knowing that I am gaining momentum, and that as I gain momentum I also gain motivation and find new resources. I am constantly realizing that yes, this world can be a scary place, but I have a supportive family, supportive friends, and that even strangers are often more supportive than I could possibly realize. I’m worried about going back to school, but I’m also excited about it in a way. It’ll be a new challenge, a new way for me to prove my dedication. I’ll live less than five minute walk away from a gym. I will have access to three gyms, one in my apartment complex and two on my campus. I will have a grocery budget (because being a college student whose parents pay for your shit rocks. they don’t pay for my every wish and desire, but they do pay for my essentials and it makes me grateful and happy and it also makes me want to stay in school forever) with every ability to purchase healthy foods. I’m excited actually to get into using coupons and saving money so I can use the grocery allowance well or even have money leftover for going out. I don’t want it to become some all-consuming thing (bc obviously as a college student there will always be homework waiting for me after I return from the grocery store) but I think it’ll be fun to deal-hunt, price compare, etc. and to see how much I can get (healthy foods, of course) for how little money. even if I just put my leftover money from my monthly grocery allowance into a little side fund for something fun (say, swimsuit shopping when I hit my target weight range) that would motivate me to save my money and excite me for what the future holds like 45 pounds from now (it’s fun that I can say 45 pounds instead of 50 bc I HECKING LOST 5).

also: I don’t want to say “this time is different”, but I certainly do have a different view this time around than I did last time around. there’s no end in sight because I’m making permanent changes, and they feel manageable. today I got close to going over my limit (I rly wasn’t sure how many calories were in the veggie/tofu stirfry I made, despite writing down everything that went into it, because I don’t know how much of the overall dish I ate. so I just did my best to estimate and gave myself like 50 calories for the day to spare even if I underestimated) and I think it may be because I was up earlier than usual. I do worry that getting up earlier will make this harder than it was for the first week; but actually, the day during week 4 that I consumed the fewest calories, I got up at 7 something to workout, so it can obviously be done. I’m very determined to continue living healthily. even just thinking about what my guy friends will think when I lose another 45 pounds motivates the hell out of me. or thinking what kids from my high school might think, or even my ex. even just inspiring and impressing my family members motivates me. thinking about wearing cute clothes to class and actually having the body to match inspires me. thinking about getting into lifting once the weight is off or just about off gets me motivated too, because that’s something I could see becoming a hobby. is it good to find inspiration in impressing others? possibly not, but there are so many things besides that that keep me going.

one thing I read on the loseit thread was that hunger does not need to be treated like a horrible problem. like yeah, of course it’s not healthy to force yourself to go long periods of time without eating or to make it into a test, challenge, etc. and certainly you can get on a dangerous path with this stuff. it’s obviously not something worth obsessing over. but I do agree that treating hunger like this horrible problem that must be immediately remedied via food can be a problematic mindset. it’s ok to feel a little hungry sometimes. I’m just trying to be careful that I don’t let it reach the point where I’m so hungry I struggle to make rational food choices. Even then, it really is mind over matter and I want to make sure I stick to the script and opt for healthy meals and snacks even when I’m super hungry.

I know I write too much about my weight loss goals. But I like it. I like documenting how things are going and I’ve always liked wordy journal entries. I also know I’ll write less as I get into the swing of things.

Tomorrow I’m getting up for an 8:30 spin class. I want to do some other productive things involving cleaning and studying and I want to take the time to relax and read but we’ll see. I’m still so burned and my back has barely begun to fade, if at all. but at least my arms and legs and face are all super tan!!! def will reapply more next time I spend the day outside though. Monday I start babysitting (7 hours so like, at least $63 and that’s if they’re stingy with pay) and I’m pretty excited to actually work and feel a little busier. between the three families I’m babysitting for (and dogsitting for my grandparents once lol) I’ll be making some extra money to save. some for sophomore year expenses and some to save indefinitely so I can build up some sort of a permanent savings. anyways I’m excited for that!! i’m going to go to bed because I’m trying to develop healthier habits with sleeping. good vibes all around rn