#so i’ll need to find an excuse to leave work early sometime this week so i can get to the library downtown
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sob-dylan · 14 days ago
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i’m probably going to, finally, at long last, finish the neapolitan quartet/my brilliant friend series today. i don’t have that much more left, but i am considering slowing down to one page a day so i can drag this out. i’ve fallen so deeply in love with these girls and idk what i’m gonna do without them 😭
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spicywhenspeaking · 1 year ago
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If I'm There: Chapter Fifteen
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read from part one here!
summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.
warnings: underage drinking, unprotected sex (ope), mentions of depression and alcoholic parents.
taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic @laurpartyprogram
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When I read New Moon for the first time I thought Bella was being dramatic, sitting in front of her bedroom window just staring as time passed and seasons changed. How could your boyfriend breaking up with you leave someone such a shell?
I understand now.
Time isn’t just passing by me, it’s passing through me. School and work blur together, I’m still doing relatively well in my classes but I’m not giving it much effort and my teachers have noticed. Maggie tried to pull me out of my funk and invited me out to hang out, but I constantly came up with excuses to get out of it.
Mom comes home in November and I don’t register her arrival. Maybe if she had been a normal mom I could have been the kind of teenager that could keep up with her cool rockstar boyfriend. I wouldn’t have had to be nerdy Natalie, too focused on school to step away and have fun.
Thanksgiving is as eventful as you could imagine. Mom and Dad are trying to make us seem like a big happy family again like nothing happened. Of course a week later we find Mom’s stash of vodka in her sock drawer and she sobs while dad packs her bag to haul her back off to rehab.
I don’t react. I don’t care.
Nick texts me every once in a while but I usually ignore him. I know that’s mean but I don’t want to hear about the tour or Noah. Who doesn’t reach out at all. Jerk. I take all the pictures I had of us printed out together and shove them in an old shoebox. I throw in the shirts he gave me too, along with the cd and that stupid wolf drawing I kept and bury it in the back of my closet.
“Natty, come on. Let's just get out of the house, we can go to a movie?” Kyle has been trying to make me feel better, he feels responsible for what happened with Noah. I don’t think so, he didn’t force Noah to break up with me. No. Noah did that all on his own. We end up going to see some stupid action movie, I don’t pay attention to it.
Suddenly it’s December and finals are done. The semester is over, only a few more months and highschool is done.
It’s Christmas and Kyle got me a new set of ink markers and a sketchbook. “You haven’t been drawing much, thought a new sketchbook would inspire you.” Kyle says.
I try to smile, turning through the crisp clean pages. “Thank you Ky. I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything…” my voice disappears. “I just lost track of time.”
He nods in understanding, “no worries sis, you can draw me something” he nudges me and laughs.
“Yeah, of course.” I curl up onto the couch with the empty page in front of me. I end up drawing a skeleton hand sticking up its middle finger. I rip it out of the book and hand it to him. He laughs “thanks Natty, very festive” he jokes and a small laugh escapes me.
A week later it’s New Year’s Eve and Kyle is trying to get me to go to a party with him.
“Come on Natty, you’ll have fun!” He tries to convince me but it’s not working. “Really, I’ll be fine. I’m just going to head to bed early. You should go have fun Ky.”
He reluctantly leaves me and I’m digging in my fridge smelling leftovers when I hear the doorbell.
Walking over I open the door and Maggie barges past me dressed in a beautiful silver body-con dress, her curly hair is bouncy and her make up is sparkly and bright. Perfect for New Year’s Eve. “Um..hello to you too Mags, what are you doing here?” She gives me a once over and huffs an annoyed breath. “Well after you go take the shower you desperately need. We’re getting you dressed up and going to the party Hunter is hosting a few streets away.” Hunter is the guy that works at the coffee shop that’s a year older than us. We work together some weeknights and he’s nice enough.
“Uhhh I don’t know Maggie, I’m not really in the party mood.” I tell her as I pick aimlessly at my oversized hoodie.
“I don’t care. You’ve been sad about that idiot long enough. It’s time to start living again and show everyone what a mistake it was letting you go. The first of the year is the perfect time to start!” She encourages me and ushers me up the stairs towards my room.
Thirty minutes later I’m shaved, moisturized and sitting in front of my vanity while Maggie applies my makeup. She brought a dress for me to wear, it’s a deep cut golden glittering dress that hits me in the middle of my thighs. She brought a matching pair of gold heels and I put on my small gold hoops. She’s finishing up with a light mist of setting spray and moving on to my hair. Maggie thinks I will look good with loose curls with one side pinned back. I decide to let her take full control and when she’s done I look like a different person. Well, not exactly. I look like me, just not like I’m used to. My boobs are pushed up because of the bra Maggie brought for me so they look incredible and my skin is glowing because of the luminous powder Maggie dusted me with. I feel good. For the first time since Noah dumped me, I actually feel good.
I turn to hug Maggie, “thank you.” Her arms wrap around me returning my hug. “You’re welcome Nat, now let’s go party!” Giggling, we run down the stairs together.
Hunter's house is about a ten minute walk from my house. It’s a cold night but when I reached for a jacket on my way out of the door, Maggie told me not too. That “the party would heat me up,” whatever that meant. As we round the block and head down the street towards the party my skin prickles with goose bumps and I rub my hands up and down them to warm up. Maggie sees the house and points it out. It's a big white two story colonial with warm white Christmas lights lighting it up.
The front door is open but thankfully Maggie was right and it's warm inside the crowded house. “Okay, now lets go grab a drink!” Maggie calls out over the music. A DJ that I noticed in the corner of the cleared out living room is playing “We Found Love” by Calvin Harris and I have to laugh at the irony. I follow Maggie to the kitchen where there is more alcohol surrounding the kitchen island than I’ve ever seen. She mixes two cups and hands one of them to me. I hesitate to grab it at first but eventually I take it “what the hell,” I say and take a big gulp. The alcohol burns my throat going down but leaves a warming sensation in my stomach. “Woo! Lets party Natty!!”
Maggie cheers as she raises her cup in toast and takes a sip. The crowd, the loud music and the hungry eyes that have been checking me out since we got here have me slightly nervous. I want to have fun, I want to get out of my funk and have a good time. I take the drink and chug it all down. “Another one please,” I hold out the cup to Maggie and she looks at me surprised. “Alright Natty, careful now. I don’t want you to get sick.” she warns gently. “Trust me, I'll be fine, I come from a long line of alcoholics.” I mean it to come out as a joke but Maggie just looks slightly concerned. “It's just a joke Mags, I’ll be fine.” She nods and mixes me another drink and hands it over.
I take it and we wander out towards the dance floor. It’s only 10:30 so we have plenty of time until midnight. I think the DJ is doing a countdown of songs of the year because now he’s playing “I Love It” by Icona Pop. Maggie and I are dancing and I can feel myself loosening up, swaying my hips and jumping to the beat. I feel more alive than I have in weeks. I am so thankful to have a friend like Maggie.
The next hour is a mix of dancing and drinking, I am playing a round of flip cup in the backyard. My team wins and two other senior boys that I think are on the football team I was playing with lift me up onto their shoulders in celebration. I’m laughing and definitely drunk at this point and when I look up towards the back porch and feel like my eyes deceive me and I have to do a double take.
It’s Nick and Noah. He’s here. Why is he here? He’s looking at me with wide eyes and then looking down at the very large football players that are currently holding me up and his eyes squint into a glare. I tap the boys shoulders and they place me gently back on the floor. “Thanks for the lift boys.” I joke and we share a laugh.
My eyes shift back towards the porch and Nick and Noah are gone…was I just seeing things? I am pretty drunk so It’s likely.
I walk over to Maggie and she’s looking down at her phone texting, when she looks up and see’s me she quickly puts her phone behind her back.
I eye her suspiciously. “What are you up too?” I ask.
She smiles wide and tries to tilt her head to act innocent. “Well…maybe Nick texted that him and Noah were in town…and maybe I told him where the party was.”
My eyes bugg out and I lightly push her shoulder. “Maggie! Why would you do that!! Since when are you two texting?!” She grabs my drink and hands it to me and with the added surprise I throw it back instantly. “He texts me occasionally to see how everything is going? How you’re doing, since you don’t respond to his texts….” I roll my eyes. “I’m not going to talk to them. I don't care that he’s here. I’m having fun and I’m going to dance some more.” I turn and head back towards the house. “Are you coming?” I ask back towards Maggie and she follows after.
Grabbing Maggies hand I get back onto the dancefloor with new found enthusiasm. My hips are swaying and my hands are above my head, my hair is swinging side to side. Maggie is dancing in front of me and I suddenly feel hands on my waist. Looking back I see it’s Hunter. “Nice party Hunter.” I tell him. He smiles, “Nice dress Natalie, you looks hot.” I blush at his compliment. “Thanks.” I don’t know what comes over me but I know my dancing with Hunter is becoming riskier. My back is pressed completely against his front and his strong hands are gripping my waist.
Suddenly I’m being ripped off the dance floor and away from Hunter and Maggie. “What the fuck!” I squeal, turning to see how grabbed me. I see none other than Noah.
“Put me down Noah! Right now!” I yell at him over the music. I wiggle and kick to get out of his grip but he’s too strong and I’m too drunk to figure out how to escape with any of my karate skills. What’s the point of having a black belt if I can’t remember how to break out of a hold after a few drinks. More than a few drinks I guess as the world spins and I’m set back down on my feet in the cold night air.
“Natalie, what the Hell are you doing?!” Noah says in an explosive tone.
It takes me a moment to react. To fight past the feelings of relief in seeing him. To dig deep into myself for the anger. “Excuse me?” I say and my voice is dripping with venom. “Who the FUCK do you think you are?! Wisking in to pull me away while I’m finally having fun!” I yell not caring who hears and his eyes dark around. I fight the compulsion to get closer to him, the need to reach out and touch him to see if he’s real.
He just ignores my yelling and asks again “what’s going on Natty, you’re drunk dancing on some guy? That's not like you.”
I laugh out loud “ha! What happened?! Seriously? Well..let me see.” I say in a mocking tone and tap my finger against my chin. “My boyfriend dumped me and then left without a word, then, my Mom immediately relapsed when she got home from rehab and I fell into a pit of depression that my best friend dug me out of. She brought me out to party tonight and that’s exactly what I was doing. I’m at a party. I’m partying.” My voice despite slurring slightly is resolved. He eyes me up and down, his hand reaching out, hesitating and then dropping back to his side. “You’re barely clothed. You never dress like this” he snides, “and you're drunk. I thought you didn’t drink?” He asks.
“Yeah well, I thought you said you’d love me forever but I guess things change. And you’re drunk too! How are you judging me for that right now and as for the outfit? Everyone else thinks I look hot. I know Hunter did. Should we go ask?” I know I’m pushing him but I don’t care. I move to get past him and he holds out his arm, stopping me. “No need. I know exactly what he was thinking. I saw his face, how he was looking at you like a piece of meat.” Noah’s voice sounds tormented, like watching me dance with Hunter was painful. “Well Noah! He can look at me however he wants! And I can dance with whoever I want and I can kiss whoever I want! And if I want to, I can FUCK whoever I want! You dumped me, remember? You don’t get to come back and act like my big protector anymore.” Forgetting my previous restraint I end up growling out all of this about an inch from Noah’s face. He backs me back up against the wall and keeps the distance the same. We’re nose to nose and I hear a rumble in his chest. “You deserve better than him, better than me.” My eyes roll, “oh fuck off with that. I am perfectly capable of making that kind of decision myself”
We can hear the countdown begin inside the house.
TEN…
NINE…
“I’m just trying to help you Nat, that guys bad news”
EIGHT…
SEVEN…
“Hilarious, that’s exactly what people told me about you.”
FIVE….
FOUR…
“Maybe you should have listened.” His eyes fall to my lips and I can feel deep down that I’m done for.
THREE…
TWO….
“Is that what you wished had happened. That you had stayed away from me?”
ONE... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
I shake my head and without thinking, maybe due to the drinks or because Noah is finally back in front of me and I still desperately miss him despite the heartbreak. I pull him even closer and kiss him.
At first he’s stiff, hands and body stilled until my fingers toy with the hair at the nape of his neck and he comes alive. Grabbing me back and kissing me fiercely, like a man starved and I’m the only water he’s seen in weeks, months, years.
Fireworks explode in the background and we burst apart when the rest of the party runs outside to watch the sky glitter with a chorus of colors.
Staring at each other, mouths red and swollen from our harsh kiss, he looks me up and down again and says “fuck it, do you want to get out of here?”
I nod silently and Noah takes my hand and leads me away from the party and down the street heading towards my house. Praying to the universe that Kyle isn’t home and pushing away the thoughts that are asking “is this a good idea?” “What’s going on here?” I don’t care. We kissed and everything fell away.
I am so weak.
Apparently so is he, his whole “you deserve better” thing flew out the window the second our lips touched again.
The cold air sobers us up a bit by the time we’re sitting on the floor against my bed awkwardly.
“Um, I found a stash of my moms vodka my dad didn’t catch if you want another drink?” I ask and fidget with the bottom of my dress. His eyes track my fingers on my thighs and he mumbles out a quiet “sure.”
I run out of the room back downstairs to grab two cups, filling them with ice and cranberry juice. Next, I go into the pantry and look behind the five pound sack of flour and still sitting there, a tad dusty, is half a handle of whipped cream vodka. I pour some in each drink and take the cups along with the bottle back upstairs.
Noah has moved to now sit on my bed, his head against my headboard. “I missed your room, it smells like you” he says softly as I hand him the drink.
“Yeah, well hopefully by that you don’t mean you miss my BO. I’d have to call you out for that one” I try to joke and diffuse the awkwardness. He chuckles and takes a sip of the drink. “This is good. Um, butno I don’t mean you’re BO. It just smells good. Like you”
I smile and take a sip of my own drink. “Thanks then, I guess”
We drink in comfortable silence finishing our drinks and refill the cups with another shot of the vodka. There’s not as much cranberry hiding the flavor but the sweetness of the whipped cream in the vodka is pretty easy to get down. The closeness, the renewed alcohol in our systems brings me back into my warm drunken state.
“How have you been Natty?” His eyes are downcast, not risking seeing the pain that flashes in my eyes at his question.
“I’ve been better, but Maggie has been helping me. Nick texts me sometimes, I should be better about responding. How have you been?” I ask, but I keep my eyes fixed on him.
He lifts his head and meets my gaze, “pretty shit without you to be honest, I shouldn’t have ended it like that.” His words are soft and lure me in.
“But you still would have done it?” I ask and take another sip, easing the nerves creeping up.
“I should say yes. I think you deserve so much more Nat. You deserve everything, attention and support and no drama.” His fingers trail from resting beside him to tracing the hem of my dress and I chug down the rest of the cup and set it aside. “What is life without drama?” I ask and fight against the urge to lean forward towards his warmth.
“A life free of sadness and anger?” his voice is melancholy and I feel my heart cracking again.
“Those come with life regardless. They are unavoidable for everyone.” Like an invisible force field shatters, I place my hand delicately on his shoulder, “you brought much more into my life than sadness and anger” I whisper to him, afraid of putting so much of myself out into the open but, the effects of drinking seem to have broken down my boundaries.
“You brought everything into my life” Noah replies and moves swiftly capturing my lips in a firm kiss and I instantly melt into him. Scrambling I slot my things on either side of him and tangle my hands into his hair. His hands grip my waist and move to squeeze my ass and bring me even closer. “Noah, Noah, I need you” I whimper in between kisses and he slides his hands under my dress and squeezes my flesh.
“Fuck, Natalie. I missed you so much” he says into my neck as he kisses up and down. He reaches around and unzips the back of my dress and lets it fall down my arms and around my waist.
He unhooks my bra and I rip his shirt over his head. Instantly he’s on me again, lips kissing and sucking at my skin causing me to squirm and grind down onto him feeling the hard length of him.
He flips us over and pulls the rest of my dress down and staring down at me with burning desire. My head is spinning but I refocus on the feeling of Noah pulling down my panties and trailing a path of open wet kisses towards my soaking wet core. At the first touch I buck off of the bed and a sinful whine escapes my lips.”I missed the way you taste” he moans out. And even with his mind clouded with alcohol he is a master with his tongue and I squirm in pleasure. When he adds a finger my body writhes in pleasure as I fall apart in a cry of ecstasy.
“More Noah, please. I need more” I beg and he stumbles to unbutton his pants, not even all the way off his legs before he’s sinking into my warmth. “Oh Natalie, you feel perfect. You’re everything, so good. Fuck” he moans as he begins to move his hips back and forth causing sparks of white to appear behind my eyes and the glorious feeling of being filled completely.
We’re a tad uncoordinated and unbalanced due to the alcohol but we eventually set a pace that’s causing us both to catch our breaths and moan in tandem. Noah’s hand reaches down to press against my clit and I set off into a second orgasm. My inner walls clenching around him and causing him to lose himself and spills deep into me.
“Fuck.” He gasps out and rests his head against my stomach as we both take a moment to catch our breath.
“Yeah, you can say that again” I respond half asleep.
Noah rolls off and onto the stop next to me, crashing onto the pillow and we pass out wrapped tightly together.
Hours later with the morning sun leaking into my room I groan, wiping the sleep from my eyes and while moving to sit up feeling the arms around me I am reminded of the actions of last night.
I reach over to my phone that is almost dead on my nightstand and I see I have missed texts.
Maggie: ims o drink!!! I’ll call u tmorw LUCV YOU 1:36am
Kyle: staying to make sure my boys get home safe, I’ll be back home tomorrow afternoon. Happy new year nat! 12:45am
“Shit” Noah grumbles as he slowly rises and sees the state of the two of us. “Um..how are you feeling?” He asks cautiously. I shrug “I feel tired, nauseous but also hungry? And my head is killing me” I say to him, “you?” He has his face in his hands before looking up at me. “I’m okay. I'm just- I’m sorry about last night. That was stupid” his voice is pinched and he’s throwing his legs over the side of the bed pulling his pants quickly back on and running a stressed hand through his hair. “What? What are you talking about Noah?” I demand, pulling the blanket higher to cover myself. He pulls his shirt on next and let’s put a harsh sigh. “Sleeping together, that was a mistake.”
That stings. “A mistake?” I whisper, “so you don’t even want to try and make this work?” I ask with agony clear in my voice. “You’re just going to leave? Again?”
“I shouldn’t have come over here last night, it’s not fair to you Nat. I can’t be what you deserve right now and I can’t ask you to wait around for me. I'll just complicate your life” He finally looks at me and there’s nothing I can do about the tears falling from my eyes.
“If that’s how you feel I’m not going to beg you to love me. Just go Noah. Leaving is apparently something you’ve mastered” I don’t care about the spiteful nature of my words. I just roll back over facing away from him as he finishes gathering his things and heads out of my room and out of my life again. I go back to sleep for a few more hours. I don’t cry until I’m showering off the makeup and sweat from the night before.
Kyle gets home and doesn’t ask when he sees my red rimmed eyes just gives me a side hug and tell me it will get easier.
Maggie texts me again later in the afternoon.
Maggie: YOU LEFT THE PARTY WITH NOAH?! Girl! SPILL NOW! 2:35pm
Natalie: Come over? We can have a girls night and I’ll tell you about it. Just understand that I don’t want to ever hear the name Noah Sebastian again. 2:37pm
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muawh muawh ! kisses kisses ! I know it hurts but just trust the process....
next chapter
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cowgurrrl · 2 years ago
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Obsessed with rockstar!Joel and I have so many ideas for the story, not that you need any you are very creative but I’ll share anyway:
- reader having a girls day with Ellie and Sarah.
- Joel protecting reader from the paparazzi.
- one of the girls calling reader mom.
- Joel finding out he is having a boy.
- Joel bringing Sam to set to surprise reader.
- Reader struggling with mom guilt.
THESE ARE THE ONES IVE BEEN WAITING ON!! I combined two of them and I'll most likely come back to some of them
Little Wonders
Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader
Summary: When mom guilt takes over, Joel finds a way to support you
Warnings: parental guilt, fluff, Sammy Bammy being the sweetest baby angel
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You check your phone for the millionth time since you've gotten to set, waiting to see an emergency text or phone call from Joel so you can go home. It's not that you don't trust your husband and the father of your child. It's that you're willing to take any excuse to leave work early. When Sam was born, you took two years off to be with him. No new projects, no filming in faraway locations, nothing. For two years, your life only consisted of taking care of Sam which you're incredibly grateful for, but now that you're back at work, you feel so insanely guilty. You explained to Sam in the weeks leading up to the start of production that you wouldn't be home all the time anymore, but Dada would be, and he seemed to understand to a certain level. But, when you left for work that first day, he still screamed his head off.
That was a month ago. Things have gotten a little easier now that you're in a routine, and Joel is amazing about sending you pictures and videos and calling you when you get a break. You make sure to get home while Sam's eating dinner, but sometimes it doesn't always work out like that, and by the time you walk in the door, Sam is asleep. Your heart especially hurts when you don't get to see him all day, and you've cried to Joel one too many times about it. Carolina told you it's normal to want to be with your babies, but it's not fair to beat yourself up about it. "You're allowed to still have a career as a mom," she told you. You repeat that sentence to yourself over and over again at work, but you still feel guilty.
Today, you're filming a pretty easy scene. It's not emotionally taxing or anything like that. It's actually a fun party scene in which the entire cast is there. You get to talk and hug everyone between takes, even laying on Maggie when you hit a wall in the middle of the day. You're so involved in the scene, and your friends that you don't even notice Joel is there with Sammy on his hip until you're in the middle of delivering a line, and you hear an excited "Mama!" You immediately melt and look around until you spot your guys.
"Is that my baby?" You ask as Joel puts him down. Sammy runs over to you as fast as his little legs can handle, and you squat down to scoop him in your arms the second he's within reach. The cast and crew aw at the sweet moment, but you only care about Sam and how he's patting your back like you've done for him millions of times. Joel comes over and pecks your lips.
"Sorry. We were gonna wait until you were done. Thought you could use a visit." He says, and you smile and kiss Sam's cheek.
"This is exactly what I needed. Thank you." You say. For ten minutes, you let Sam run around the sound stage, play with your castmates and touch the props (with supervision). He has the time of his life as he bounces from couch to couch and sits on Dylan's shoulders so he can be tall. It's a great break for everyone, and once the ten minutes are up, Sam goes around and gives everyone fist bumps or "knuckles, dude," as he urges everyone. Then, Joel scoops up your curly-headed boy, kisses you, and tells you they'll be waiting in your trailer. Sam waves bye to you over Joel's shoulder, and you blow a kiss to him, your heart bursting at the sight of him returning the kiss.
"Oh, my God. He's so cute. Are you kidding me?" Maggie says as you return to your marks, and you laugh. You glance in the direction Sam and Joel left in and smile, knowing your boys are waiting for you.
"Yeah, I got pretty lucky."
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Laughter Like Music Pt. 2
Series Summary: Y/N and Dean exist in completely different worlds. Can they ever bring them together?
Chapter Summary: It's been 3 years of trying to keep their relationship light and breezy, can they keep it up?
Pairings: Dean x Y/N
Chapter Explicit 18+/Warnings: Light smut, kissing, fingering, implied smut, angry!dean, jealous!dean, dean being an asshole, sweet fluffy!dean too though.
Word Count: 4,659
Series Masterlist
A/N:  So, this is the second part of my little prompt mini-series suggested by the beautiful @eevvvaa. You can find the first part above. ⬆️
The 3 prompts from her ask will be in bold.
The beautiful divider below and at the bottom were created by @talesmaniac89
Masterlist ---- Tag Lists
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Three Years Later:
Y/N threw down her purse as she entered her front door, kicking off her heels and heading straight to the kitchen for a snack. Work had been long, and she was in desperate need of a pick me up. 
As she reached for the greek yogurt and strawberries, her phone buzzed, and she rolled her eyes. She just knew it was going to be her boss asking her to start early the next day. She pulled it out of her jeans pocket and started thinking up plausible excuses. When she saw who the text was actually from, her entire face melted into happiness.
Dean: Hey beautiful. I’m close by, wondering if you’ll be home this evening. I have surprises and I’d like to deliver them in person. 7:00 ish?
Y/N: Surprises? What are they?
Dean: Should I provide you with the definition of a surprise?
Y/N: *pouty face*
Dean: Will you be home?
Y/N: Of course! The door will be open!
Dean: Um, no it won’t! Please don’t tell me that you leave your door unlocked!
Y/N: Only when I’m expecting someone. 🙄
Dean: No, never. Jesus, never leave your door unlocked!
Y/N: Fine! The door will be locked and barricaded! Happy?! Sheesh!
Dean: I’ll bring my battering ram.
Y/N: Dirty! 😘😘
Dean: You’re a little idiot. I’ll be there at 7:00. Or close.
Y/N sent him a heart emoji to finish their conversation, completely unable to wipe the smile from her face. She was so excited he was coming. It had been over a month since she’d seen him. She wondered how long he’d be able to stay this time. She never had any idea. Sometimes he only stayed a few hours, and once he’d stayed for three weeks. 
For the last three years this was the way things had gone between them. Dean would stop by whenever he was in the vicinity, and had a bit of time to kill. As time went on the visits became a bit more frequent, but they were never regular, and they never lasted long enough for her. 
She didn’t know how Dean felt about their situation, because they never talked about it. She never pushed too hard about defining their relationship because she was scared she’d push and he’d run. So, she took what he gave. And as the years went by and she realized that she’d fallen head over heels in love with him, that became harder and harder to do.
But she was so happy when he was there. They had a lot of fun together, laughing and talking, sometimes for hours at a time. Dean still had the ability to crack her up and keep her in stitches. But they never talked about his hunting life. He’d tell her funny anecdotes from his life on the road with Sam, he’d talk about gross motels, or rude staff. But anytime she asked a question directly related to a hunt or about how he spent the majority of his life, he’d quietly steer the conversation in another direction.
It was extremely frustrating at times, but she tried not to let it get to her.
As well as still being able to make her laugh a lot, he also still had the ability to completely melt every molecule in her body when he kissed her or touched her. The sex was still mind-blowing between them, though now Dean knew every inch of her body like the back of his hand, and knew too, just where to press and how to tease to make her shiver and moan, leaving her desperate.
Lately the sex had started to feel more meaningful, as though they were sharing a deeper connection. Y/N shook her head, sure that it was just her overactive imagination. But about six months ago things had seemed to change a bit, after one night in particular.
It had been a very cold and frosty night when she’d been woken out of a doze on the couch by a pounding at her door. She’d rushed to open it, finding Dean standing there, covered in snow, blood, and bruises. She’d gasped when she saw him.
“Dean! Oh my god! What happened?” Her surprise made her voice squeak.
Dean just shook his head, fluffy snowflakes drifting down from his hair. She’d pulled him inside the door and started brushing the snow from his shoulders before she pulled his jacket off and tossed it on the chair by the door. 
She looked up into his face again, making note of the split lip and dark purple bruise on his left cheekbone. Something had hit him so hard there, that the skin had split and dried blood streaked down from the cut. 
She’d never seen the obvious physical damage that hunting caused him before. He kept pretty much everything about the hunting part of his life away from her as much as possible. Though, she still saw the effects at times, in the way nightmares would sometimes wake him up with a shout of fear or pain, or when she’d see his mind float away somewhere dark, storms gathering in his beautiful green eyes.
But outside of a few scuffed knuckles or the few old scars he had on his body, she’d never seen him hurt. Seeing the bruises and blood terrified her and made her want to cry for the pain he must be in. Then she remembered those old scars, and the fact that he’d been battling literal monsters his whole life, and she realized this was likely not the worst he’d ever looked. Probably by a long shot.
And she wanted to cry even more.
But she hadn’t cried, she’d reached her hand up to press against his cheek. “Dean? Baby, what happened?”
He had leaned into her caress, turning his lips to her palm and covering her hand with his. He shook his head.
“I shouldn’t have come here.” He said in a hoarse whisper.
But he didn’t leave, just pulled her against him and crushed her lips with his own. She’d tasted the metallic coppery tang of the blood from his lip as it split again and she pulled back fearing that she was hurting him. But he grasped her head in his hands and kissed her deeper, making desire, fear and sadness swirl around in her mind.
When he finally pulled back to breathe, she’d tried again to figure out what had happened to bring him there in such a state. 
“Dean, what happened?” A thought occurred to her and she panicked. “Is it Sam? God, is he okay?”
But Dean was quick to nod and flash a brief, unconvincing smile. “Yeah, he’s, Sam is good. He’s good.”
She’d breathed a sigh of relief, but confusion still plagued her. She looked up at him and he finally met her gaze directly so she was able to see the seemingly endless pool of pain and hurt that existed inside him and she couldn’t stop tears from falling then.
He’d shaken his head again, and a tear overflowed from his own eye. “I couldn’t save them. Not any of them.” He held his hands up in front of his chest, open and empty like something had slipped away from him. “They were basically just kids, and I couldn’t…” He trailed off and closed his eyes tightly.
Y/N thumbed away the runaway tear falling over his bruised cheek and reached up to kiss him again, at a complete loss for how to help him. He grabbed onto her like a lifeline, and when she pulled her mouth from his she held his cheeks in her hand, pulling his forehead down to hers. 
“Dean, I’m so sorry. What do you need? What…what can I do?”
Dean kissed her, featherlight and whispered against her lips. “You’re doing it.”
That night, she’d just taken him to her bedroom and stripped him and then herself. She’d climbed into bed next to him and held his body as tightly to hers as she could. He’d tried once more to say he shouldn’t be there, that he should go, but she’d shushed him and squeezed him tighter.
The next morning he’d been awkward and obviously embarrassed, apologizing for coming over unannounced like that and “whining about shit.” When she asked him if he wanted to talk about it, he just shook his head and gave her a sad smile. 
“Nah, I’m good sweetheart, think I’ve bitched and moaned to you enough already.” 
When she tried to contradict his reasoning, he just pulled her down to him and kissed her senseless before pinning her down and making her come apart, using only his mouth, a half dozen times. She’d had the sense that it was his way of thanking her, showing her his gratitude. But she couldn’t be sure. 
It was incredible and when he’d left her, later on that day, she was completely sated and exhausted. But it had also made her a little sad that he felt like he owed her something simply for being there for him. 
He'd stayed away over a month after that, ghosting her a bit when she texted. But eventually, he started responding more promptly and started to come back and see her, and he was his usual charming, silly self. 
She hadn’t mentioned the night again.
Now finally, after another month of missing him, he was coming over - with surprises. Plural. She couldn’t wait.
***
“Surprise!” Dean said as Y/N opened the door and he flourished a bouquet of daisies out from behind his back.
Beaming brightly, Y/N squealed a little and took the pretty, delicate flowers out of his hand. “My favorite!”
She stepped back so he could walk through the door. He closed it behind himself and grinned at her. “I know.”
“They’re so beautiful, thank you!” She stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek before turning away. 
But Dean grabbed her free hand to stop her. “Hey where do you think you’re going? I’ve got more, remember?” 
She turned back to him, a huge smile on her face. “I just wanna put them in water.”
“They’ll keep.” 
He pulled her flush against him and dropped his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply and leaving her panting as he pulled away. 
“Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.”
Y/N frowned at him. “What? What are you talking about?”
A look of mock horror spread over his face. “Ugh. I’m heartbroken that you don’t remember our anniversary. It was exactly three years ago today that I walked into a little police station in Fielding, Nebraska just in time to hear the dulcet tones of this ridiculously hot chick totally telling off this asshole cop.”
Y/N laughed brightly and shook her head. “You remembered?”
“Uh - yeah! How could I forget the day I had the best fucking bathroom sex of my life!”
Y/N laughed lightly but couldn’t stop a small twinge of sadness that he summed up their first meeting, something that had changed her whole life, as simply, incredible bathroom sex. 
But she gave herself a mental shake and told herself she was being stupid. He remembered the exact date they'd met, when she certainly hadn’t, and it really had been INCREDIBLE bathroom sex, so he wasn’t wrong. 
“And not only did I remember and bring flowers,” he held up his forefinger, noting his brownie points, “but - I made reservations at a very nice restaurant.”
Y/N’s squeal of delight was loud enough to make Dean laugh a real laugh, a sound that never failed to make Y/N’s entire being light up like a firefly. It was such a warm, rich, beautiful sound, and it was one she didn’t hear often enough. 
“Oh my god!” She gushed. “I get to put on a fancy dress and get wined and dined?”
Dean opened his mouth, no doubt to offer up the very dirty and rhyming conclusion to the wined and dined expression, but Y/N put her finger to his lips.
“Uh-uh! No!” She scolded. “You naughty boy you!”
Dean’s grin was definitely dirty and full of promises as he reached for her. But she bounded out of his arms.
“I’m putting these in water, and then I’m going to pour myself into something little and black. So, sit.” She ordered, pointing at the couch. 
Dean sighed deeply and obeyed. Half an hour later though, he was up and pacing, and looking at his watch.
“You know, I wasn’t lying. I did make reservations.” He called down the hallway towards Y/N’s bedroom before turning away and folding his arms across his chest.
“You’re such a drama queen.” Y/N said with a smile as she re-entered the living room. 
Dean turned to face her, an argument clearly forming, but all that came out was a puff of air. His eyes got round and then his face fell into a deep frown. 
Y/N looked down at the sleek black, sleeveless dress she was wearing. “What?” She asked, trying to see what was causing the frown. “What?” 
Dean took a couple of steps towards her. “Holy Shit!”
Y/N was panicked now as she twisted around to try and see the back of her, thinking maybe she had something stuck to her heel, or was there a tag she missed?
Dean walked slowly to stand in front of her. As she looked up at him, confused, his frown melted into a look of awe. “Incredible.” He said with a shake of his head. “You look incredible.”
Y/N felt herself blush even as relief made her laugh lightly. “Oh, well, thank you. I’m glad you like it cause it took quite a bit to get into this little thing.”
Dean’s hand shot out and clamped around her waist, tugging her roughly against his chest, and his lips lowered to hers. “Well, lemme help you out of it.” He mumbled gruffly against her lips before sweeping his tongue into the recesses of her mouth, pulling a dark moan from her throat.
But she pushed against his arms and pulled out of the kiss with a smile and a wagging finger. “No way, Mr. Winchester. You promised me wining and dining first.”
***
A few hours later they stumbled back through Y/N’s door, laughing and grasping each other. As Y/N turned the bolt on the door, Dean leaned back against it, slouching slightly and pulling her close to him. He chuckled as he rested his hands on the swell of her hips, letting his lips find the sensitive spot behind her ear.
“Are you drunk?” He asked her with a smile in his voice. “Should I not be taking advantage?”
Y/N laughed and then moaned as he nibbled on her skin and dug his hard, blunt fingertips into her fleshy hips.
“No,” she said breathlessly, “not drunk.” She pulled his face up to look him in the eye. “Just happy.”
A bright, warm smile softened his features and he gave her a brief nod. “Good.”
A gamine grin crossed her expression and she looked up at him coyly. “So go ahead and take all the advantages you want.”
With a low chuckle rumbling in his chest, he placed a kiss just below the corner of her jaw, forcing her head back as she sighed with pleasure. 
“Thank god!” He said against her skin. “Cause, as beautiful as you look, all I want to do is rip this dress off, right now.”
He moved his hands to grab and pinch the globes of her ass right along with the dress material. Y/N squeaked but then put up a finger. “Uh uh.” She shook her head, and then whispered up at him. “Don’t rip it.”
“K.” He said letting go of her with a smile. He turned her slowly to face away from him, and reached for her zipper. In an agonizingly slow move, he pulled the zipper down till her back was bare and exposed. The dress was designed with a bra built into the bodice, so there was nothing to impede his fingertips as they trailed ever so gently down her back. Gooseflesh spread across her skin and when he put his lips to the nape of her neck, a deep shiver wracked her body.
He continued to trail his mouth over her shoulder blades before pushing the sleeveless sheath dress off her shoulders, leaving her in only panties. A little instinctively, Y/N brought her two arms together in front of herself to shield her nakedness, but Dean wasn’t having it.
He straightened up so that she could feel him towering behind her, before he grabbed hold of her wrists and yanked her hands down to her side. Giving them a squeeze, which she knew meant to keep them there, he moved his hands back up her torso. 
One hand moved to her throat to wrap around it gently but completely, while the other hand pushed down the front of her panties. As he dipped the tips of his fingers into her slick heat, he dropped his mouth to the side of her neck. With his big hand wrapped around her throat he easily pulled her head to the side so he had full access to the long column of her neck. 
He began sucking and biting the delicate skin there, while his fingers plucked and pressed at the hard little button at her center. She felt like her body was being pulled tight between heated tension and bliss. Dean intensified the pleasure by slipping two long, thick fingers inside of her and pressing repeatedly on the soft spongy spot that he found so easily.
Within minutes, she was convulsing against him, and squeezing her thighs tight around his hand as he continued to work her through her climax. 
As it ebbed away, Dean scooped her up into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. “That was only number one.” He promised.
Hours later, Y/N was cuddled into Dean’s side and relishing the supreme joy she found in feeling his bare skin, damp and hot against hers, as they cooled down. She was never more content and never felt more safe than when she laid like this with him.
She ran her hand absent-mindedly over the tattoo that sat just below his left collarbone. She’d asked him one time what it meant, but he’d just shrugged and said it was “part of the job”, and she’d understood it had to do with hunting, so he wasn’t going to talk about it. 
She glanced up at his face, supremely relaxed now, his eyes closed and a small smile tipping up the corners of his lips. She knew he wasn’t sleeping because his fingers were tracing loops across her back. 
She found herself desperate to ask him what he was thinking about right now. Most of the time she couldn’t manage to figure out what went on behind those perfect features. She wanted to know if this time between them had felt as different to him as it had to her. 
This time didn’t feel like sex, it felt like lovemaking. 
Every sweep of Dean’s hand had been a warm caress, every kiss had seemed charged with intimacy, stronger than mere sex, more than pleasure; in Y/N’s mind it felt like Dean was trying to maybe…show her his feelings. She pushed the thought away as silliness, he was simply a VERY good lover.
But she couldn’t shake the feeling and she thought maybe tonight would be the time to ask him about how he saw their relationship, and what he saw in the future. The thought terrified her, and she distracted herself from the idea by groaning softly and starting to get up.
But as she tried to rise she felt Dean’s arm tighten around her ribcage. “No.” He said gruffly and pulled her back on top of his chest. 
She laughed lightly and gave his shoulder a gentle slap. “I need water, you goof. You’ve left me thoroughly dehydrated.”
A cocky smile bloomed on Dean’s face. With his eyes still closed, he licked his lips and then let her up. “Fine, hurry back.”
She kissed him quickly and then bounded out of the bed as fast as her spent muscles would let her, grabbing up Dean’s t-shirt to throw over her naked torso. 
She ran to the washroom before hitting up the kitchen for two glasses of water and some of the strawberries she’d cut up earlier. She was gone no more than ten minutes, but it was enough time to unravel everything.
She came back into the bedroom, with her hands full.  “I got you some water too, and I thought we could use some food to replenish ourselves for…”
She trailed off at the look on Dean’s face; something in his expression gave her a warning. He was up, and standing by her dresser, with his jeans on unbuttoned.
She shook her head. “Dean, what's wrong?” She gestured to his jeans. “Are you leaving?”
He pursed his lips and looked at the ground, shaking his head. “No, I had to text Sam, didn’t wanna walk around naked.”
Trying to pull the atmosphere back to the soft, dreamy state that had existed before she left, she smiled and teased him. “Well, nothing I haven’t seen before.”
His face spasmed in a horrible imitation of his usual sunshine smile, and Y/N gave up. She sighed. “What’s wrong, Dean? Did Sam say something, do you have a case?” Her heart squeezed at the idea of him leaving again so soon.
But he shook his head. “N’ah, I’m fine. I’m good.” He looked up at her and she finally realized he wasn't upset or worried, he was angry. She’d never seen him angry before. Annoyed? Yes. Grumpy? Absolutely. But never anger like she could see now, burning in his emerald-hued eyes. 
“Let’s talk about you. How are you doing?” He asked in a brittle voice.
Y/N frowned at him as she sat the strawberries and water down on her desk. “I’m…good.” She said, frustrated that he wouldn’t just explain what had brought on this change. 
“Yeah, good?” He asked. “Are you, uh, seeing anyone? Or you know, dating, or uh, fucking any other guys?”
She felt like ice water had been dumped on her and her mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?” She asked in disbelief.
When Dean just stared at her, his expression thunderous, she threw her hands up. “Not that it’s any of your goddamn business, but no. No, I am not ‘dating’ anyone.” She said, using finger quotes.
The muscle in Dean’s jaw jumped wildly as he clenched his jaw hard, his next words coming out through gritted teeth, spoken quietly.
“Don’t lie to me.” He warned as he held up a small rectangular card.
Y/N squinted at it for a few seconds before she realized what it was, a card from a flower shop that had accompanied a half dozen tulips. The card read: Thanks for last night. Had a great time, let’s do it again.
Her eyes widened and anger and slight embarrassment flooded into her. “You’ve been snooping around my bedroom?”
Dean scoffed. “I wasn’t snooping. I was looking at the picture on your dresser and it was sitting right there. Out in the open.” His voice filled with anger again. “Like you wanted to get caught.”
Y/N barked out a humorless laugh. “Caught? Caught?” She ripped the card out of Dean’s hand and threw it back onto the dresser. “Caught doing what exactly?”
She crossed her arms over her chest tightly like a shield against the frustration that wanted to come pouring out. “Caught going on a shitty blind date that my boss set up with her fucking nephew? I didn’t wanna be rude, so I went, we ate bad food, he walked me home and I said goodnight. That was it.”
Dean shook his head in disbelief again, pointing towards the card on the dresser. “Obviously not for him! ‘Let’s do it again’ sounds like he got something from you and he was looking forward to getting it again. You gonna try and tell me you didn’t fuck him?” 
Y/N’s palm cracked across Dean’s cheek, the sound echoing around the silent room. He kept his head turned away from her for a moment before turning back to continue giving her the same harsh, angry, accusing stare.
Tears welled up in her eyes and she would have given anything to not cry, but she couldn’t help it. She was so angry and hurt, she just wanted to scream. But she forced her voice into an extreme, deadly calm as she spoke past the lump in her throat.
“How dare you?” Her voice rose slightly as she asked again. “How DARE you? You have no right trying to lay some kind of guilt trip on me, Dean Winchester. You disappear for months at a time, you give me no warnings you’re gonna show up, no promises on when you might be back.”
She balled her hands into fists to stop from hitting him again. “You saunter in and out of my life, and yet you have the audacity to stand here questioning my faithfulness? Faithfulness to what? You don’t give me anything! I know next to nothing about your real life. You won’t include me, you won’t talk to me. Tell me about what happens in your life as a hunter; tell me about the bad things.”
Desperation had her reaching her arms out towards him, but he took a step back from her embrace and her heart cracked.
Dean shook his head and his voice was hard as stone when he spoke. “You don’t want that shit, Y/N. I don’t wanna talk to you about it, I don’t wanna tell you-”
He cut himself off, resuming his silence and seething and Y/N threw up her arms and turned the tables on him. “So, what about you? What am I supposed to think about you?” 
She swallowed hard and continued in a quieter voice. “I have never asked you-” She swallowed again. “I’ve never asked you, because, quite frankly, I don’t want to know. But, I mean, how many women do you have, just like me, scattered across the country? How many other women do you share your life with? Do you actually share your life with them? Your real life? Are they other hunters, ones that you’ll allow into your world? Or are they all just like me? Women you can just roll up on, to wine and dine.”
Y/N saw a brief flash of hurt cross Dean’s face as she referenced their evening together and his gifts and she instantly wanted to take back the hurt, but her pride and anger wouldn’t let her. The hurt in her heart was aching and she needed to expel it.
“What are we doing here, Dean? What is the point of this? What does it even mean? If you won’t let me into your life, why…I mean, then we don’t have anything.”
Dean’s expression was cold as ice and full of stark anger. The silence was screaming with his unspoken words, but finally he simply walked past her and grabbed up the black and red flannel that she’d ripped off of him earlier.
She turned to watch him walk to the doorway where he paused to speak quietly.
“No, you’re right. This is nothing.”
He stormed away from her and as she heard the door slam behind him, she covered her mouth and sank slowly to the floor like she was melting. She tried to stop the sobs from welling up inside her but she couldn’t. The pain was sharp, real, and devastating.
She wasn’t sure how to get up again.
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densi-mber · 1 year ago
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Densi-mber Day 3 Prompt
A/N: It’s been exactly a year since I last wrote something but Densi-mber always awakens my creativity. I feel like the story is a little but slow at the beginning, that it needs more dialogue. I’ll try to work on that for the next one.
Thank you for another year of Densi-mber¡ And thank you for reading¡
Set on early seasons, maybe 3-4. 
***
Kensi’s day has been horrible. The morning started by missing her alarm to then realize that there was no coffee at home. Traffic was chaotic, as usual, which meant that she was later than she already was. Which also meant that Callen and Sam would mess with her all day. When Kensi arrived at the bullpen, it was too late to go to the gym; she really needed to vent off some stress from the past days, but that had to wait.
It was a slow day at OSP, as they had kind of lost the direction on the case. No one left to question, no place left to investigate. So the team focused on reviewing evidence they had been collecting for the past month, to see if there was something they missed. The mood was heavy as the case was staring to wear on them. To make it even worse, Deeks was reclaimed at LAPD at the beginning of the week.
If he was there, they could have had fun at least.
It was Kensi’ turn to buy lunch (as she was late this morning), so she spent another precious hour and a half stuck at traffic to find her favorite place closed. Another failure on her day. She hurried back to the sushi bar that was near the Mission, they ate quietly and began to work again.
But it seemed that the day was slowly getting better, as she received a message from Deeks saying that he would be back tomorrow. Kensi tried to hide the smile that the news put in her face but, fast enough, she came up with a (lame) excuse when the boys asked her. They began to tease her all over again, of course.
Once again, Thursday was trying to beat her and rain started pounding when they were leaving home. Kensi did like rain, but that meant even more traffic and that she couldn’t stop to have her favorite burger, as she would make it home too late and too exhausted to buy very much needed groceries.
When she arrived Walmart, she began collecting the necessary to make it to the weekend at least, paid and ran directly to the car, as rain was getting heavier. When she finished loading the Audi, she was soaked, hungry and tired.
The best part of her day? When she turned on the ignition the car didn’t start. Kensi groaned slowly, resting her head on the steering wheel, and starting to shiver from her wet clothes. She stared at the blurred lights from the gas station next to Walmart when her phone began ringing, it was Deeks. Kensi knew he was going to tease her for weeks, but she really needed help.
“So, Kensi the Great can fix her car? Told you Cadillac wasn’t a good choice.” He hadn’t stepped completely in her car yet, but he couldn’t wait to have the time of his life taunting her.
“The smart-ass has definitely arrived. You’re here to help or to be another problem in my day?” She missed him.
“Well, my services as a mechanic has a price.” Well, she maybe didn’t miss him that much.
“I’m not paying you, you still owe me 10 bucks from that stupid bet about the ducks and the hens.” She looked at him threatening.
“No Kensalina, you know that money has no value at all. I want to have three wishes and I want you to say that I’m the best thing that happened to you in the whole day.” The smile on his face was getting bigger with every word.
Kensi turned her face to his, a stern look in her eyes. “You’re delusional.”
“Okay, then goodnight, I hope the tow truck doesn’t take long.”
“Okay, okay, fine.” She really had no energy left.
“Okay fine, what?”
“Oh my god, you’re so…”
“Goodnight Kens¡” He began to step out of her car, slowly, he was so dramatic sometimes.
“Wait¡ You’ll have your three wishes and I admit that you’re the best thing that happened to my in the whole day. Happy?”
“Very much.”
They tried to start the car several times, checked everywhere and they concluded that the only solution was the tow truck. The car has been having some misfires lately due to an accident during their last persecution. So they finally called the insurance and they waited patiently in the car. Deeks offered to grab something to eat and let her decide whether to have pizza or burger.
“You know, you really don’t have to wait, you can go home, I’m pretty sure you’re tired.”
“You think I’m letting my partner alone, sitting in a car in the middle of the night?”
“Aw, you missed me¡” Kensi knew she started a battle she couldn’t win.
“No, you missed me. Callen told me you were sad and moping all day in the bullpen. He said that you gave up caffeine and that you were too tired to even work out. Thinking about me all night must be very exhausting.” Oh that little bastard…
“First of all, that was not what happened, and second…”
“Secondly.” Deeks received another threatening look for interrupting her.
“It’s second.”
“Secondly.” God, he loved to push her. Worst of all? She enjoyed it.
They discussed while eating, sharing their week and waiting patiently in the car. After finishing her burger, Kensi began to feel once again the cold from her wet clothes. He realized that she started to shiver. As Deeks started to take of his hoodie, she stopped him.
“Deeks, it’s okay. I’m not even that cold, I got used to it already.” She felt numb, as if the fatigue had drained all her feelings.
“Kens, you’re soaking wet, why haven’t you said anything?” He looked really concerned this time. Deeks continued taking his hoodie off and handed it to her, turning so she could take off her jacket and t-shirt comfortably.
���Better?”
“Yeah, perfect.” She looked at him with a really weird smile. Half shy, half confidential. His heart skipped a beat.
“Thank you.” It was almost a whisper.
“You don’t need to thank me.”
“This was not in you contract. To help me at any time, to buy me dinner or to give me your hoodie, that wasn’t what you’ve signed up for.” They had a better partnership than what they had at the beginning. Yet, that didn’t mean that they had to be available for each other for things like this. Her more professional part had to remind herself that statement most of the time.
“No it is not. But I do it because we’re friends. I do it because you get really cute when you’re angry. And most importantly, I do it because you would do the same for me. We’re here for each other, we’re not just partners. Or I like to think that at least.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just not used to have someone like this.” After all, both were lonely and both new that their relationship was special. They were just not ready to admit it yet, or knew how to do it without having consequences.
They spent another night in her couch, talking for hours and laughing about how incorrect were the procedures in crime TV shows. Her day definitely got so much better.
*Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. J
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dreamwritersworld · 2 years ago
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I could fall in love! Part 3. (Neteyam x reader)
Enjoy! 😊💓 this does have inspiration so if you see the references…I love you.
The next day I woke up super early doing chores and extra work around the island, leaving zero spots for my dad or mom to say something needed to be done. I cooked breakfast and ate, patiently waiting for everyone to be done.
“So Dad, I did all my chores early, and did extra chores around the island, can I take an attempt at training the Sully’s with my siblings? I can teach and explain more to them since I’d have more experience and techniques for them to learn. I know you said you didn’t really want me dealing with it when I asked in the beginning but can I just have a try in it? ” The two siblings watch as their older sister tries to have time to train ‘the Sully’s’ in other words ‘Neteyam’, this in fact wasn’t the first time. Even before Y/n and Neteyam met, Y/n was extremely interested and more than happy to meet the new members and train them.
“Ok fine. You must keep your siblings out of trouble. No excuses and do your chores everyday, after all that is done then you can go.” I give my dad the biggest hug saying “thank you! I won’t disappoint you! We will do good with them!” I turn to my siblings grabbing their hands and pulling them out the Mauri to make our way to the Sully’s…this routine continued for about three weeks..
Neteyam and Y/n ‘friendship’ only got strong.
As we were walking towards the Sully’s Mauri for training, I speak quietly hoping Ao’nung would get the hint to speak quietly too. “…Hey brother, I need a favor” Both he and Tsireya turn away from whatever they were looking at to place their attention on me. “What’s up?” I give a nonchalant face trying to act like the question I was going to ask wasn’t a big deal. “Has Neteyam said anything about me?” He gives a confused face as Tsireya silently laughs knowing what I was implying already. “What do you mean? Like what?” I throw a couple of looks here and there before replying “if he likes me.” He gives a surprised face “Woah. You kidding? I didn’t think it was that serious.” I smile nervously “I don’t know. Can you just ask him?” He chuckles before saying “Y/n, what are we, children?” I laugh prepared to give him a sassy response back “Well I wouldn’t know, I wasn’t allowed to be “childish” as you’d call it.” We all laugh before Ao’nung sighs.
“You’re going to get in trouble. If dad find out, he’s going to punish you.” I shake my head to this. “There’s nothing to find out. Neteyam will probably say that he doesn’t anyway. Can you just ask him?”
Tsireya can see the desperation in Y/n’s eyes so she nudges for Ao’nung to just accept the offer. “Ugh fine. I’ll ask, you guys are so annoying.” The two sisters giggle before saying “But you love us!” Forcing a hug on Ao’nung.
The three siblings approached the Mauri and greeted the Sully’s asking if they were ready to train, they rushed out quickly saying bye before they leave. Y/n greeted everyone, however Kiri couldn’t help but notice how you spoke just a little longer to Neteyam. How you and Neteyam looked at each other like you were each others world. Kiri couldn’t help but laugh, feeling true happiness that her brother found someone. She knew in her heart Neteyam loved you and you loved him, it was so obvious to see.
During the last two weeks you were up at early hours and didn’t sleep until very late hours, doing chores just to keep up with your dad’s expectations in order to let you keep training the Sully’s. That meant you were exhausted constantly and sometimes you weren’t in the mood to talk because you were slightly frustrated at how your father gave you so many chores and expectations. The one to pull you out of exhaustion was Neteyam. Surprisingly for the first time, it wasn’t Lo’ak telling someone to let loose and be daring. Neteyam and you understood each other completely. In Kiri’s eyes you were his light and when things got serious he was yours.
Y/n slowly parts her ways from Neteyam, noticing how Ao’nung was going to execute the plan since he was calling Neteyam over to his ilu. Y/n goes to join the rest of the group to begin teaching more techniques for diving.
*Away from Y/n and the group*
Neteyam approaches Ao’nung fully curious as to why Ao’nung seemed to hesitant to speak “Hey, listen. Y/n’s cool right?” Now…Neteyam was even more confused “Yea, of course. We always have a great time.” Ao’nung rolls his eyes at how Neteyam wasn’t understanding his question. “No you Skxawng, what do you think about her?” Neteyam showed complete disbelief with what Ao’nung seemed to be implying, does he lie? Or does he avoid the question? “your dad will kill me and You’re her brother!“ Ao’nung laughed to this, noticing how Neteyam got nervous and was in such disbelief to even come up with a good response. It didn’t go unnoticed how Neteyam had also avoided answering his question. “Don’t worry about it, my father won’t kill you! I know you like her, I also know that she told me to ask you so…think about that you Skxawng! Let’s just head back, it’s fine.” Ao’nung ends the conversation there, laughing on his way back to the group since Neteyam was so silent. Ao’nung just co-signed and gave approval on their Y/n and his relationship…maybe Tonowari and Ronal will do the same*
As Y/n watches Neteyam about to do his diving practice now, waiting for him to go underwater before catching her own brothers attention. She silently asked how it went with her eyes going back and forth between the boy underwater and him. Ao’nung smiles to his sister throwing a thumbs up and Y/n turns back with a wide smile feeling relieved that some of her feelings were at least mutual.
The more time Y/n and Neteyam spent together, the more serious it was getting. Neteyam was so sure on how much he loves Y/n while she remembered the way love was described to her when she was younger …it all made sense to her…she loves him too.
*flashback*
Y/n had a voice of an angel, Tonowari sat down with her as he tried to teach her one of the songs she was going to put on for the clan. Y/n agreed happily, after she saw Tsireya and Ao’nung’s excitement to see her perform again, after so long.
(This is just a short clip of a song called ‘feelings’)
“Nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings of love….tear drops, rolling down on my face. Trying to forget my feelings of love.”
Tonowari stops playing the music before giving a frustrated sigh, y/n is completely thrown off by this. “I thought I was doing good…what did I do wrong? Can I fix it?” Immediately panicked because she frustrated her father. “No, you’re just not- it’s about love Y/n. The song is about how you had a great love and then you lost it, it was taken away.” Ronal couldn’t stand listening to him try to explain the song to y/n, who didn’t even know what type of love he was referring to. “Tonowari. Shes 9 years old, she doesn’t know about love.” Y/n gives an even more confused face “What do you mean? I know about love! I love you! I love dad! I love Ao’nung and Tsireya!”
Tonowari laughs and nods toward Ronal to explain what love was to Y/n. Ronal walks closer to y/n kneeling down to her height. “It’s a different type of love, like your father and me. I can’t explain it fully, but it happens when you meet someone and suddenly it feels like there’s a fist around your heart…and if someone was to take that away? …it would feel like they are taking your whole heart with them.” Y/n slowly backs up with a scared expression “…well I don’t want that..!” How could her mother say love was so comforting yet so dangerous..? Her two parents laugh saying “You will want love one day. For now, you observe. One day it’ll all make sense ok?..*
After practice and talking with Neteyam, I had to do more work around the island, so I was walking back to the main area humming softly. My calmness is interrupted once I hear a voice. “Y/n! What are you doing all by yourself? I’ll walk with you.” Imrik. Oh please, no I made it clear I’m not interested, he’s so…arrogant?! He always seems to think he can get anything and anyone. He won’t have me. He doesn’t truly care about me, just wants to be a high role beside me. “Imrik hello, I was just heading to finish something up! It’s ok, you don’t ne-” He doesn’t allow me to finish my sentence “Nonsense I will walk with you and help you.” My next thirty minutes were filed with, Imrik telling me all these ‘sweet ideas’ and all of them ended something along the lines of ‘Once we are the leaders of the clan. I am going to…’ if this is what he thought as good company, it isn’t.
“Ok Imrik! I appreciate you being here but I’m exhausted I’m just going to rest now, it’s getting late.” Imrik said his goodbyes and let Y/n walk to her Mauri.
“He’s a good guy Y/n!” I give a blank face to my mother. A good guy? He’s selfish.
“He is not a ‘good guy.’ He isn’t good for the clan either.” Tonowari joins in from a far since he has just finished his conversation with Tsireya “He couldn’t even walk her to our Mauri. I believe Imrik Can be a good guy if he just got out of his own ways.” They actually are giving him the benefit of the doubt? “Very funny…goodnight, sleep well!” I immediately leave the frustrating conversation.
“pst…pst.. y/n” for a second I thought about ignoring Tsireya, but her ‘pst’ got louder. “yes?” Tsireya puts her hand on her lips telling me to keep quiet before signing to me so our parents don’t know about our conversation .
‘Neteyam completely likes you!’
‘And Lo’ak completely likes you!’
‘Oh my Eywa, we are doing so good!’
‘Did dad approve of you guys? Is that what you were talking to him about?’
‘Yes! Lo’ak asked him first! They approved m before you showed up! They were kinda stubborn though!’
‘Im so happy for you sister!…do you think dad will approve neteyam and i?’
She gives me a sad smile before signing back
‘In complete honesty?’
I nod to her anxiously.
‘…no. Only because of the way they are with you. Dad had mentioned you, after Lo’ak left..”
I give an upset face…what could he possibly say? What more does he want?
‘…well tell me!’
Tsireya contemplates it
‘Ok fine but please don’t be discouraged sister! He said that it better not be you to fall in love with the ‘other brother’ and that he noticed how you guys talk more and that it better only be about what I told him, he asked me about you two’
My heart breaks to this..
‘Please sister, don’t say anything about us! I love him! I can’t stop that from happening, it’s no one’s fault….What did you tell dad?’
‘I told him that you were just friends and when you two would talk it’s only about learning our ways. I talked highly about Neteyam to try to change his whole thought process on him’
Our conversation is cut short with Ao’nung waving his hand to us, to catch our attention.
‘Stop stressing each other out! Y/n you already know what you’re getting into, only question is what are you going to do about it? Now both of you shut up and go to sleep.’
I laid back, thinking about what my siblings said, I will confess tomorrow. If Neteyam knew how I felt and he felt the same, what’s stopping us from just going the full mile? I just want a relationship with him, even if it upsets me that we have to love each other in private.
The next morning I was set on my plans. I did the same routine of chores and extra work and soon we all went to training. I said hi to everyone, so nervous and yet so sure on what I was going to tell Neteyam when we were by ourselves. My dad was away on a hunting trip, but that doesn’t mean my mom couldn’t see anything. So immediately after practice I pulled Neteyam to follow me and I completely stopped him halfway through this sentence “we’re going to the cave ok? Just follow me.”
“what’s wrong y/n? Are you ok? Did something happen with your parents?” I can’t help but smile at how sincere and caring he was with me. “Neteyam…when I’m with you, it feels like my whole world is complete. I can’t wait anymore, because now to be without you is like not living anymore. I could fall in love, with you again and again, and I’d be completely happy with it.” Neteyam’s face has complete shock, he took in the moment. The girl who stole his heart and ran around with it , had finally confirmed everything he dreamt about hearing from her is real. “Y/n you have zero idea how happy I am to hear that. You have my heart completely. With those blue innocent eyes, it would undeniably be the death of me to ever make them cry. I will take care of you Y/n. In my eyes..it’s only you.” I stare at him with tears of happiness “Neteyam…Oel ngati kameie.” He hold my face before saying “Oel ngati kameie y/n.” I kiss him immediately and once we separated i knew it was only time before we discussed the hard part…
“My parents, especially my dad…they won’t accept us. It hurts me so much to ask you this, please understand me. Is it ok with you if we just keep our relationship between us, and when the time is right we will tell them. I promise Neteyam, please don’t be upset.” Tears build up in my eyes. It’s frustrating to have to hide my relationship, I should be allowed to fall in love.
“Of course my love, we will do everything in order for us to be together. I’m here to stay, no matter what.” He wipes my tears as we lay down enjoying the view and each others comfort.
From then on Y/n and Neteyam were knee deep in their relationship , everyone in the group knew, and they all silently agreed to keep it a secret. Neteyam was only upset at how everyone knew about it but their parents. No one should have to go through what they did.
The group of teens were joking around while Y/n and Neteyam were hugging each other, before Y/n gave Neteyam a quick kiss. The group was completely unaware that for the first time Y/n’s parent went to the teens hidden spot on the shore because they were looking for a moment of silence. Their laughing and jokes immediately stop because they hear Tonowari’s voice.
“Get up! Everyone get up! Out now! Y/n and Neteyam stay.” The teens immediately get up with fear written all over their faces for their friends, as they slowly walk away. They watch from a far, scared that it’ll be over for them as well.
My dad walks up to my face looking me in my eyes while my mom gives me a disappointed look. “This is over right now. You and him are done.” anger is completely written all over my face as Neteyam tries to calm that situation “respectfully sir, you can’t tell us what to do when it comes to this.” My dad quickly gets in his face yelling “I can tell you anything I want to tell you. You don’t think I know what you want? I’ve seen boys like you, falling from their throne to be a complete…waste.” Now it was my turn and unlike Neteyam I won’t hold back. “Dad do not talk to him like that-“
“I can say anything I want to say to him! I will not have him as the future leader. You are forbidden to see each other.” I get in his face, grabbing Neteyam’s hand with me “I have done everything you’ve asked of me. I will not do this one request-“
My mom immediately joins into the conversation, as her heart is torn into two. “Y/n! You are going to bring yourself and this clan down.”
“I will not bring anyone down! I made my due’s, I have kept this clan safe. Neteyam is the one person I have allowed myself to love! I love him…and he loves me too.”
They both roll their eyes as dad looks Neteyam up and down as if he was nothing. Mom speaks “Of course he does because you’re young, beautiful and your going to have a throne perfect for him to be lead beside you! He wants full control, something he wasn’t allowed to achieve because his family abandoned their home. He is dangerous to you. You are not in love.” Neteyam pulls me closer before looking at both of them “We’re not going to stop seeing each other.” Dad gets closer with his eyes holding so much anger, more than I’ve even seen before. “Listen to me. If you think I’m going to allow you to come here and mess up her future for this clan, you’re mistaken.” Neteyam puts his hands up saying “I am not here to ruin her future. I respect your family and clan. I love Y/n and we choose each other as future mates.” Hearing this ignited a even bigger flame.
“That’s it. You are forbidden to see her again. Do you hear me?! Or else you’re going right back to the forest. There will be no way for you to talk to Y/n.” Neteyam gets closer to my dad before saying “that’s ok I can make my own way.” My father yanks my hand from Neteyam, dragging him away. My mom stops me from following them, not allowing me to move.
“You can’t do this dad! I’m not going to let you do this! Dad no stop! We didn’t do anything wrong! We were going to tell you! Mom please! Please stop this! Mom you’re not going to stop this?!”
Y/n screams can be heard as her father, the group and Neteyam walk away.
“The result will be better for him and his family if you stop fighting this. You do not want to be the cause for them leaving.” So I did stop fighting at least in that moment…because we weren’t going to give up on each other. We made promises.
*Away from Y/n and Ronal*
“Your son is forbidden to see my daughter. They have been sneaking around our backs for months, they were in a relationship. This sneaking around and lying is not allowed in my family and it most certainly will not be allowed for her future.” Jake and Neytiri don’t even argue. They don’t stand up for Neteyam the one time he needed them. Jake yanks Neteyam and throws him to the side. Tonowari turns around to the group of teenagers, ready to make his statement clear. “You listen to me. You all listen to me. If you allow this relationship to happen, you will not see Y/n again, or you’ll just choose a worse fate for BOTH of them. Do you all understand me? It’s over.” Tonowari pick up Roxto, Ao’nung and Tsireya telling them all to go home as he walks back to Y/n and Ronal.
As he approached Y/n started letting down her tears, no one ever saw y/n cry…except Neteyam, he was the one who held her. The last time they saw Y/n cry was when she returned to the island. Y/n was never allowed to cry when she was held captive, the child wasn’t even allowed to show that she was tired because she would be punish horribly if she was..
“You never liked him!” Tonowari yanks Y/n now dragging her as she gets flashbacks of her memories, it ignited a fight or flight for Y/n. “I know how he’ll be.” I yanked my arm back pulling myself away “…you don’t know anything about him…” Tonowari grew frustrated with his daughter, just like he did many times before…except this time he wasn’t going to let anything hold back. “This is how it’s going to be. You are the future leader of this clan Y/n. I don’t care if you’re happy with my order or not anymore, you will keep your promise to the people. You are leaving first thing tomorrow to travel for trading Y/n. You’re better off!”
Hearing this broke Y/n’s heart once more…as much as Y/n was abused when she was younger…this was the worst punishment of them all. They were taking her heart and throwing her happiness away. Worst part is that they didn’t even care. They threw her around and gave y/n flashbacks…
!💙!
Tag list: @noodlesfics @eywas-heir @itshype
@zatarias-pandora @yeosxxx @arminsgfloll @lv9su
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@snowywhiterose @manohari @httpjiikook @destinylb @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @neteyamforlife @inutheangel @tainted-artist4161
@fanboyluvr @elegantkidfansoul @ssc7514
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mbrainspaz · 2 years ago
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I’ve actively been trying to be worse at work lately. I don’t know what else to do for my sanity. I’ve got one coworker, technically the stable manager, who I’m pretty sure is making at least $2 more than me an hour and is salaried while I’m still hourly. Btw we’re the same age and both have ADHD, and I came here from managing and running a whole stable on my own and according to rumor he came here from getting fired off a craft beer assembly line for being late, so it just goes to show you that being a charismatic tall white boi will get you everywhere in life. He’s late all the time. Chronically late. 70 minutes on average. He lives on the property his parents’ money must have bought him that’s about 10 minutes away so there’s not much excuse. Believe me—I get the time blindness issues. He actually has medication for it sometimes. I have 3 devices that read me the time every hour and half a dozen alarms. The worst part is that I can’t blame him for not caring—for doing a shitty job. Even while he’s making more than me he’s not really making anything worthwhile. The boss couldn’t fire him because there’d be no one to get distracted and cut down dead trees all evening instead of doing other crucial chores that I’ll have to come in and do on top of all my other work the next day. I do value what he brings, really. Every barn needs a tinkerer who goes on side quests. That guy probably shouldn’t also be manager but WHATEVer. I do my best manage him without overstepping too much. All the time. It’s exhausting,
This morning I was trying to formulate a plan to ask the boss for a raise. I mean—we do the same job! (I do it better.) Next week the ‘manager’ is going on vacation and leaving me to deal with/train the new 17 year old worker who’s apparently never touched a horse, the only person the boss was able to find in 3 months who’s been willing to work for the laughable wage they’re offering. I can just see her guilt tripping me. Acting angry. People with money and power only act friendly until you stand up for yourself. If you’ve ever dared to ask for what you’re owed you know what I mean. The devil light that comes into their eyes. The instant transformation like Bilbo Baggins when he sees the ring. It’s terrifying. I can’t afford to be afraid of that vitriol. I tell myself I don’t care. I do though.
The barn is clean tonight. The horses are grazing. They’re safe and clean and well. I worked 11 hours today to make sure they would be. The manager didn’t even have AM feed prepped for me, after I came in for an extra half hour on my day off to help him with feed the day before. The boss texted me at 1 pm to ask if I needed help, after I’d already done 95% of the work alone. I said no because when she comes out to ‘help’ it’s sweet but ultimately she’s just another person to babysit and I don’t have the energy.
Ever more frequently I have to remind myself—they don’t care. Nobody else cares as much as you. You’re not being paid to care. They don’t care about you.
So instead of abiding by my strict code of honor maybe I do leave work a few minutes early. Maybe I do leave a few buckets uncleaned. Maybe I do bring my dogs to work with me when no one is around, even though it’s strictly forbidden. The manager does. Sometimes I do start work a few minutes late. I can’t be better than management or I’ll start to resent everything. So I actively try to be just as bad as they are.
I’m not very good at it though. I care too much and I know better.
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taro-im · 3 years ago
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when he throws his wedding ring on the floor
ANGST to fluff
warnings: language
oikawa x reader
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“Seriously Tooru! You can’t just come home 2 in the fucking morning without any texts or calls to tell me your okay!” You said in the brink of tears yelling at your husband who just came home from a party drunk
“y/n what the fuck I just came home and your already bitching at me?” “W-what? Tooru I thought you were in a car accident you don’t want me to worry?! Even worse I thought you were dead!” You said yelling “enough y/n! Your so god damn annoying sometimes I need space from you and your whole family!” He said voice louder that you almost backed down “excuse me?” “Yeah that’s right y/n, your whole family and you are so god damn annoying, your father expects me to be working a normal office job, your mother always coming over uninvited without a phone call and most of all YOU always so damn annoying texting me during practice, calling me way too many times!-“ “Tooru-“ “NO YOU BETTER NOT CUT ME OFF Y/N” he said catching a breath glaring at you while your just in shock at what’s coming out of his mouth… “you know what I regret most y/n?” He said walking closer to you while you were taking a few steps back “come on tell me y/n what do you think I hate and despise the most” he said bitterly laughing “I-I don’t know Tooru!” You said crying “I regret moving back to Japan and marrying you” he said throwing his wedding ring on the kitchen floor… “yeah that’s it I finally said it!” He said massaging his temples while your just witnessing at what he just did… he threw the ring he made vows with you, he threw the ring him and you went through store to store to find the “perfect” one, he threw the ring that was a symbol of your two year marriage… “where are you going y/n too scared to hear the truth?” He said while you were walking away eyes wide open tears trickling down your face trying to control your breathing so you weren’t a sobbing mess, you went into the guest bedroom sitting on the floor painfully looking at your left ring finger seeing the diamond shining beautifully “I didn’t ask you to come back to Japan” You said in a broken sob muffling your cries so he couldn’t hear, you weren’t able to sleep that night replaying his words over and over again, your head playing with you thinking that your the one at fault but you were right… even when Oikawa started settling what he said in his thick skull he knew what he did was more than wrong…
now the next morning you woke up with the most puffiest eyes you’ve had, you didn’t have the energy of dressing up or taking a shower and going to work but you had to, and you remember Oikawa and you go to your jobs at the same time in the morning, “hey yumi im going to be 30 minutes late sorry” you said clearing your voice so you didn’t sound like you were crying “of course y/n don’t worry I’ll cover for you girly” she said then you hanged up the phone, “babe- your going to be late” he said waking up next to nothing, maybe you already left for work till he heard some noise from a distance “y/n… you there?” He said going towards the second bedroom only for him to hear the noice stop “y/n your going to be late if you stay here longer…” “y/n?” He said sitting by the doorway trying to hear what’s happening “I’m going to go to practice but remember to go to work… love you” he said heart slightly throbbing, regretting what he did last night… if he was being honest he did regret coming back to Japan but the part about marrying you? He would never regret it he loves everything about you and what he said last night he wish he could of shutted his mouth up and he most of all hated the fact he threw his wedding ring on the floor… he went into the kitchen and saw the ring at its exact same spot picking it up made him feel more guilty… you avoided your husband like a plague, eating takeout and leaving his order you chose for him on the kitchen table, waking up early to take a shower and head off to work, locking yourself in the guest bedroom during days he was home, till the second week of avoiding him you were cleaning the house and he sneaked up from behind you “hey love…” he said hugging you from behind “hm?” “What do you mean hm? Don’t you miss me” he said trying to lighten up the mood only for you to get out of his grasp “y/n wait!” He said grabbing your hand only to see your not wearing your wedding ring “why aren’t you wearing your ring baby?” He said heart slightly in pain “I was cleaning the house I didn’t want it to- scratch” you said coming up with a lie so you could get out of the room “y/n you can’t scratch a ring by cleaning” “can you let go of me now Tooru? I really need to clean the living room” “it’s already clean” “well can you please get out I feel uncomfortable” you said hand shaking “y/n… I didn’t mean to I love you so much” he said eyes watery “I know you didn’t mean it Tooru, just leave me alone for now?” “but y/n…” “what?” “I didn’t mean what I said last week, I love you so much, your the best thing to ever happen to me- I love your family and I don’t regret moving back” he said pulling you in a hug from behind “Tooru… you can’t lie to yourself, I can’t keep you here you need to go back to Argentina” you said holding in tears”what do you mean y/n?” “I mean it’s time for you to go, I can’t be the one ruining your dreams, you’ve been planning this since hjghschool I can’t keep you here” your voice cracked slightly tears trickling down both of your faces “I’m already happy here”he said guilty “I know your lying Tooru… let’s have a little break from each other we both know we can’t be holding each other down from our separate d-dreams” you said holding in your sob while he was crying into your back “y-you can’t say that , do you know how much I love you?” He said sniffling turning you his way so you could look the brunette in his teary eyes “I know Tooru but we can’t be doing this to each other” you said crying in his chest “y/n… I’m really sorry you know that? I love you” he said kissing your forehead “I love you too you idiot” you said hitting his chest crying harder…
“I’ll see you later Tooru” you said holding in your tears and sad voice seeing off your husband at the airport… “bye love, I’ll call you when I’m in the airplane” he said walking towards you giving you a long hug “yeah… bye Tooru have a safe trip” you said hugging him tighter “you know you should write me letters since we’re going to be over a thousand miles apart” you said trying to lighten the mood kissing his forehead “yeah I’ll do that y/n…” “well good bye” you said getting out of his embrace now waving him goodbye…
4 years later:
“He should be here soon” Iwaizumi said eyebrows furrowed looking at his phone for the time “yeah he should be here already” you said anxious looking at your makeup to see if it looked smudge only to feel calloused hands covering your eyes “guess who” the familiar voice but now deeper said almost laughing “who’s this? I don’t know who you are” you said jokingly “you don’t remember your husband?” He said turning you his way cupping your face “Tooru!” You said jumping into his arms giving him a kiss on the cheek “I miss you y/n” he said in a big smile can’t helping but grinning like an idiot “I miss you too” you said touching his face looking at the man you haven’t seen in person for a long time “Iwa did you miss me?” He said hugging you by the waist coming forward “no of course not idiot now come on we’re going to be late” he said laughing “I know you missed me! Do you think you can hold my luggage? Ya know that flight was so long” he said teasing “shut up shittykawa” he said hitting his back “again with the names iwa?!”
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whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years ago
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LO$ER=?, m | jjk
pairing(s): jungkook x reader
summary: Life is just a path and you walk it. Until Jeon Jungkook. He made you run, sprinting through winding side roads and alleys, fighting, bleeding, losing. Your paths split, but life is made of orbits. Now that they have overlapped once more, his hand is fiercely holding yours and he won't let go again. Nothing matters if he's with you. Thus, you run once more, laughing like you've gone mad.
continuation of 0X1=?, m | jjk – click here to read
warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of sexual assault (not heavily described, however, please note reader is the victim of said assault); actually predominantly fluff; mentions of previous angst; mentions of physical fighting; smut (fem reader, fingering, cowgirl, scratching / marking, penetrative sex); non-idol!BTS - tattooed, previously rich!Jungkook x rebellious!reader (mostly reader's POV, a tiny bit of JK's POV), ft cameo of Kim Taehyung as JK’s best friend and crossover with 'bao, t/m | myg' au
yes, I waited until the TXT's 'LO$ER=LO♡ER' was released to write this XD there's a ton of TXT references as well, enjoy!
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now playing – LO$ER=LO♡ER by txt
"Jeon Jungkook! Yah! Jeon Jungkook! Come out of that whore's home!"
You were about to remove the groceries from your front seat, but then you stopped at the shouting, peering up at the second story of the apartment complex to see… ah, yes, a young woman yelling at your front doorstep. One look at the imported, Western, black car with heavily tinted windows and you were well aware that the woman in a matching designer two-piece – a ruffled pink suit jacket and flared skirt – complete with immaculately pulled back hair in a half-ponytail must be...
She turned around, fuming, pretty features twisted in rage, and screamed in frustration.
You quickly jerked your head back out of her line of sight and clicked your tongue.
Your boyfriend's ex-fiancé had some lungs on her.
You waited until she finished shrieking like a banshee and peered out to see her spin on her heel and return to pounding on your apartment door with her small, manicured fists. You spotted her beige, black cap-toed slender heels.
Chanel.
Huh.
You stayed in your car.
Reached over to your bag and pulled out the single ice cream you bought to share with Jungkook but, at this rate, you would have to buy another. You pulled off the cap and folded it in half, curving it like a spoon, and began to eat the mango sorbet. Hm, well, it was better this way. Jungkook would probably prefer chocolate or straight up diabetes over mango sorbet.
He would eat pretty much anything though.
You scooped up some of the frigid, melting sweet into your mouth and watched his ex-fiancé shout at no one.
True, you could go up there and throw her down the stairs. But there was something hilarious about this, her beating and howling at your apartment door, completely ignoring the fact that no one was answering it and that she was very clearly causing a public disturbance, all because of her own personal problem.
You glanced up to watch her slide down the door, openly crying now. You pressed the button of your car window to roll it down a crack to listen to her sobbing above you.
"–can't believe you would do this to me... you know I need this marriage... my family's company depends on it..."
You slowed, licking off your makeshift spoon.
"I'll be left with nothing... nothing unless I get married..."
Crocodile tears or not, the woes of the rich did not earn much sympathy with you.
You rolled your window back up, leaving your car on idle for the air conditioning.
It was a mix of previously being constantly berated by Jungkook's wealthy parents that now exiled him over a fucking eyebrow piercing and being a member of the working, lower middle class. For some reason, that latter fact was also offensive to Jungkook’s parents. Everyone was accepting until money got involved. You hummed, eating another scoop. You didn’t like it, but you understood that his parents wouldn’t believe that you have no interest in their money. What you didn't understand was why his ex-fiancé was so hellbent on yelling at your door. From what you could tell, she wasn't ugly. Couldn't she find someone else?
You scraped the last of your small ice cream out and ate it up.
You checked your phone.
Jungkook wouldn't be out of work for at least another three hours. You had found him a job at the local bao shop through your own job as an accountant. You assisted the family in sorting the finances for their small business and personal tax forms. The owner had back surgery and so the daughter had been working there by herself with one other employee that delivered the orders. They wanted to hire another to help with cooking and cleaning, perhaps even open up the front counter again to accept pick-up orders instead of only delivery. However, it was hard to find someone trustworthy and reliable. The best way was through word of mouth.
They won't mind my tattoos?
Whenever I drop by, the delivery guy is wearing a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and has a resting bitch face. You'll be fine. Also, I think the daughter and him are dating.
Jungkook had blinked at you.
You know. In case they disappear for ten minutes, unexplained.
You loved Jungkook's laugh.
He didn't complain or whine for some other job. He only asked when he started and how to get there. You bought him a secondhand bicycle and he was off to work, five to six days a week. Sometimes you would drop him off with your car if was too rainy. Occasionally, when he had to stay late for a large order, the delivery guy would drive Jungkook and his bike back home.
That's how it was here, in the world of everyone else, minus the rich.
The fuck is all this?
Manager gave me a bunch of leftovers. She said I'm a fast learner. Did you know Taehyung stops by there? He's never said shit! He said it was his little secret, that ass–
You smiled as you remembered Jungkook's animated face and annoyance at his best friend for not sharing what he thought was crucial information. Jungkook would speak excitedly, hauling a bag of buns and spilling them over your clean kitchen counter, scrambling to catch them as he explained the different ones to you and how they were made, telling you all the things he was learning and funny stories about customers.
You almost forgot this Jungkook.
It was strange, feeling something after such a long time of feeling nothing, strange to find your time occupied once again by him, when at many times you vowed not to get involved with Jungkook anymore, only for him to show up and make you throw your promises to yourself to the wind, recklessly chasing the anger, wondering, hating, loathing how much you still loved him after he left, recalling him standing there, stone silent as his parents' verbal lashes ripped you to shreds.
You turned the car off, pulling the keys out and pocketing them, not wanting to the drain the battery.
Maybe.
Maybe you were stupid for loving him so much.
Maybe you were as pathetic as the woman up there in some ways.
Then again.
Maybe that was just how everyone lived.
You heard a soft tap by your car window.
You jerked your head to see Jeon Jungkook, in the flesh, peering at you through the glass, clutching his bike. You could see half of his head, short black hair and large, curious brown eyes, nose pressed up to the bottom of your car window. He was wearing his work clothes, light wash jeans and an aqua blue t-shirt, lightly dusted in flour. He pointed up and you noticed his ex-fiancé had switched back to yelling at the door, no longer facing the street.
You shooed him back and opened the car door, eyes wide.
"Why are you home?" you whispered, crouching down to speak to him.
He grabbed your hand, gasping as he gripped it. You shivered at the coldness of his fingers, but there was a warmth in between your and his frozen palms, melting each other.
"Oh, shit, your hand is so cold!"
"So is yours!"
"I was biking! My hands get cold from the wind. What's your excuse?"
You held up the empty mango sorbet container in your other hand, shifting your eyes guiltily.
"And you didn't share?!" Jungkook hissed, his windswept hair giving him a fierce appearance, dismay clear in his glistening dark brown orbs despite trying to sound angry.
You spied his other hand on his bike. There was a large, wrapped bandage on his left forearm. You ticked your chin towards it, furrowing your brows. "What happened?"
"Ack, I burned myself and manager-nim told me to go home early. I told her I could still work, but there were only a few hours left and it seemed like she wanted to be alone with Yoongi-hyung..."
You raised your eyebrows.
"What are they gonna do, bonk in the kitchen?"
"You wouldn't want to bonk me in the kitchen?"
You grinned at him and Jungkook grinned back, eyebrow piercing flashing in the sun.
"JEON JUNGKOOK!"
"Oh shit–"
You scrambled out of your car, locking it, slamming the door as the young woman wailed his name and pointed at you and him, furiously wiping her tears.
"You bitch! How dare you take him from me! He was mine! I had him wrapped around my finger!" She hiked up her skirt and swiftly power-walked to the stairs, looking back to yell more at you as Jungkook placed his bicycle down. "He would do anything for me!"
You raised your eyebrows, again.
Jungkook yanked on your t-shirt sleeve, ushering you to get on the bike with him.
"Doesn't seem like it!" you called back casually, chucking your trash at her, causing the empty ice cream container to smack her in the shoulder and roll across the sidewalk.
"You–"
You cackled and got on the bike, hooking your arms around Jungkook's shoulders and adjusting your feet as she stomped up to you two, conventionally attractive features contorted in rage.
"He was my dog!"
Your eye twitched.
"You were gonna marry a freak who was into bestiality? No wonder you left," you remarked, patting him on the chest as Jungkook burst out laughing, loud and rich, shaking his head.
"You can't do this to me, Jungkook! You can't leave me with that other guy!"
You felt it.
Pause.
You felt Jungkook stiffen under your hands and you turned yourself, hearing the helpless plea in her voice now, throwing herself to the ground, designer knees in common dirt, anguish on her face, tears streaming down her made-up cheeks, sniffling hard, and, with your breath lodged in your throat, you realized she was restraining her pained sobs, so trained in maintaining appearances that it seemed like she couldn’t even cry properly in front of others.
"You can't... you know how they are... I can't marry him, you saw what kind of man he is... that's the whole reason I tried to find another husband..."
There was no more anger in her voice, only fear and dread, and you didn't understand, and yet you could for some reason, for some reason you could see it as if it was tangible, the realness in her enigmatic words. Jungkook's hands tightened on the handlebars of the bicycle, his knuckles turning white, tense shoulders under your arms, and for a second, a moment, an instant...
You thought he might go back.
"You should run."
The crying woman on the ground lifted her head, hiccupping, cheeks blotchy pink, still somehow beautiful.
"W-What?"
Jungkook turned his head and looked down at her. "You should run away, like I did. Find someone who actually loves you. Getting married to me will only make both of us miserable, even if it saves you from that other guy."
She looked from you to him, and you recognized that look in her eyes, jealousy and envy, but not directed at you. It was directed at the warmth between the coldness of his hands and yours, directed at the orbits of his and yours finally overlapping, meeting in the vastness of space once more, his zero and your zero becoming one, not you, but his ability to throw everything away, his wealth, his comfort, the world he knew, all for a feeling she had yet to feel.
"What... what if I can't?" she asked weakly. "What if I can't find what you have?"
Jungkook lifted his foot off the asphalt and placed it on the pedal. He raised his head, and you found his eyes on yours for a brief moment before casting them back down to his ex-fiancé.
"Then keep running. It's better than being married to him, right?"
He began to turn the handles, about to pedal away.
She screamed after him, words choked with agony.
"Love won't solve our problems, Jungkook!"
You held on tight, chest to his back, fingers clutching in Jungkook's shirt, nose in his hair, his warmth under your cold hands.
"It won't!" he yelled over his shoulder, gaining speed with a grin. "But it sure as hell makes the problems worth shouldering!"
-
“Hey! Get back here!”
You snickered and chucked the plastic bag into the basket connected to the bicycle, jumping on quickly, pedaling away as Jungkook ran after you at top speed, breathless and laughing, his black hair flying back, aqua shirt molding to his muscular chest, long legs sprinting after you and the bike, your grinning face looking back periodically to catch his smile, going not too fast, but still fast enough so he couldn’t quite catch up. Golden hour brought out the tan on his skin and his high cheekbones, both of you tearing out of the gas station at high speed, drawing stares and shaking heads, but neither of you noticed or cared, his booming voice calling your name and you sticking your tongue out at him childishly.
“Watch out!”
You jerked aside and sped past a group of five young men with skateboards, two with shorter black hair, one with long black hair and white highlights, one with ash gray hair, and one platinum blond, all very tall, but you didn’t have time to stop and stare at the impressive height of them, turning into a side alley towards to the creek nearby, avoiding pedestrians, Jungkook following close behind until you got to your destination, grabbing the plastic bag in the basket and throwing the bike down, cackling as Jungkook snatched you from the air, his heart racing against your back as you kicked the air, him still somehow effortlessly carrying you despite sprinting so hard, panting into your hair.
“Get off!”
But instead of letting you go, Jungkook held on tighter, fierce kisses into your neck, wiping his sweat all over you and making you cringe amidst your laughter. It was already late, the sun dipping into the horizon, slowly taking its warmth with it. Water trickled meekly down the creek, barely coating the rock bottom due to the hot summer.
“Stop, stop, the ice cream is melting,” you finally gasped out, shoving Jungkook aside, wiping your neck with the back of your hand, pretending to be disgusted, but Jungkook just grinned and seized your cheeks, pressing his lips against yours.
“I love you,” he breathed.
“Ack, I love you too, fuck, get off–”
-
You two sat on the swings of the empty playground, watching the sun disappear, eating ice cream with the lids of the containers. As predicted, Jungkook got the chocolate that seemed to have everything in it but the kitchen sink. You, on the other hand, got red bean this time.
“Hey, Jungkook.”
“Hm?”
He looked up from his ice cream, shoving a large lidful into his mouth.
It was strange how beautiful he looked, even with his black hair sticking up every which way, his cheeks filled with the frozen sweet, the faint rays of sunlight catching the silver of his jewelry – eyebrow piercing, earrings, silver chain around his neck with the compass star pendant – all paired with his oversized aqua blue t-shirt and baggy jeans, still with bits of flour on his thighs from work.
“What did that man do to her?”
A darkness clouded his features even though he tried to hide it from you with a neutral expression.
“Ah… He just… Just wasn’t really the kind of guy who thought of women as people,” Jungkook finally got out, looking away from you. “You know, the kind of guy you really hate.”
“That’s you,” you joked.
“I know I can’t do anything,” Jungkook continued, ignoring your quip and you suddenly regretted it, seeing the way he lowered his hands, exhaling slowly. “I am not responsible for anyone else’s behavior but my own.”
Come crawling back to me on your knees when she reaffirms to you that I'll be the best fuck you'll ever have.
She'll never make you feel as good as I can make you feel.
Enjoy your piranha.
“I’m sorry.”
Jungkook looked up at your sudden declaration.
“I’m sorry,” you repeated, coughing awkwardly. “I’m sorry for saying the things I said about her.”
He snorted, shaking his head. “Don’t be. Just because she was in a shit situation doesn’t excuse her for being a shit person.” He shoved the lid into the empty ice cream container and rubbed the back of his neck, pushing his hair back with a sigh. “Just like how it doesn’t excuse me from being a shit person for what I did to you.”
His eyes shifted away.
“You don’t have to–”
“Yeah, I do,” he muttered, cutting you off. “I’m a fucking loser.”
The streetlights began to turn on, but no one was in a place like this, two adults in a place for kids, stuck wondering what adulthood was supposed to feel like because it still felt like an endless cycle of forever learning and forever running, wandering to find out what the finish line meant.
“I wasted time you can’t get back and I will spend the rest of my life chasing the time I wasted.”
Jungkook sucked in a shuddering breath, hand falling from his hair, rueful smile on his face.
“I can only hope you can put up with me for so long.”
You blinked slowly.
He turned his head, brown eyes finding yours, those irises catching the streetlights like how his jewelry had caught the sun, proving that Jeon Jungkook was, indeed, already adorned with nature’s very own jewelry.
You scooped out the last of your red bean ice cream and ate it, looking away from him.
“Sounds like forever,” you remarked, feeling the chilled sweet cool your heated cheeks, swallowing slowly, savoring the way the cold warmed you in its own way.
“Hm?”
“Sounds like I’m stuck with you forever then,” you said, turning back to him with a smirk. “Kinda sucks.”
He smirked back, cocking an eyebrow. “Yeah. Major suck. Speaking of my dick–”
“Oh, shut up.”
But you said it with a smile and he knew you didn’t mean it.
-
“Why the fuck do you have that?”
“It’s from work. Gimmie your arm.”
“Why?”
You extended your arm, frowning, stopping under the streetlight, one hand on the bike as Jungkook held the black permanent marker with his right hand. He used two fingers to uncap it and tucked the lid neatly into his palm, spinning the marker with the adjacent two fingers to readjust it so that he could write on your arm.
“Do you wanna get a tattoo with me?”
“Of what?”
You looked down to him scribbling on your skin, his own black tattoos standing out, covering his entire right arm and up to his shoulder. You wondered if he would end up tattooing his back and maybe his other arm – but, then again, he kind of needed money to have pay for such large pieces.
“Couples tattoo.”
You looked down when he drew back, grinning, reading the word upside down.
LO♡ER
You raised an eyebrow.
“You want to get ‘lover’ tattooed?” you asked, skeptical, turning your arm this way and that, unsure if you liked the placement on your forearm, near your wrist. “You don’t have any space on your right arm anyway.”
“That’s why I would get it on my left.”
And he curved his wrist to write on the bandage on his left forearm, messily writing on top of it.
LO$ER
Now you raised both eyebrows.
“You want to get… ‘loser’ tattooed onto your body?” you snorted disbelievingly.
Jungkook grinned, recapping the black marker with one hand, tapping the dollar sign on the bandage with the marker lid. “Doesn’t it describe me? ‘Cause I had money, and now I don’t.” He pointed to the heart on your skin. “You love me. I love you. A lover with a dollar sign is a loser, right?”
Laughter and skateboards sped past, five blurs of black along the street, spinning around the parked cars, people yelling after them to stop being so reckless, but you were too busy staring at Jungkook to notice the ruckus, too busy staring at that smile and those brown orbs lit up by streetlights.
“Are you stupid?”
Jungkook’s grin widened, mole underneath clearly visible. “Yeah, kind of. Stupidly in love with you.”
You both instantly pretended to gag, trying to mask your smiles, you shoving him and him shoving back, playful and laughing like mad, falling into him, dropping the bike with a loud clang, swept up in his arms and his kiss, your hands hooking behind his neck, love you, love you, love you, not sure about this whole tattoo idea, but, hell, maybe, just maybe if he annoyed you enough about it.
-
Shit, the groceries...
Are they still good?
The green onions look kind of wilted, but so do you and you're still good... I think.
Shut up.
You didn't need him, but being without him was like being frozen in time.
Not that you had any big dreams or aspirations anyone could be envious about. It always been like that, casually cruising through life, existing for the sake of existing, no real reason needed. It just was, and there was no reason to stop, so you kept going. The path was there, so you kept walking.
But, then.
Jeon Jungkook.
Jungkook made you run.
It's not washing off.
Tragic.
Easy for you to say, you wrote yours on your bandage, 'loser'.
So terrible that you have 'lover' written in you by your lover - hey, pfft, stop! Put the showerhead down!
It was truly by chance to meet him, a moment of terror and then he was there, yelling, get off her, don't fucking touch her, and you didn't understand, didn't understand why some random guy would suddenly intervene between an interaction of two strangers, how could he sense your discomfort and fear, and now he was throwing fists, brawling with not one but three guys, friends of the one who slipped his phone and his hands under your skirt, the stranger smashing the phone with venomous rage, fighting in a dress shirt, slacks, leather loafers, and expensive-looking rings, giving you a chance to escape.
A winner at life.
Not like you, you who let something happen because you froze up in that second, disbelieving that such a thing could happen to you, a nobody, a loser.
He kicked one of them in the knee, growling, a howl followed by the sharp crack during the fight.
You could turn and escape.
Or?
You heard sirens.
You grabbed your protector's flying fist and clenched into it tightly, panicking.
Run!
This was before the tattoos.
This was before the pain.
This was before the piercing.
Jeon Jungkook had whipped his head around at the foreign touch, in this mess because he had witnessed something disgusting and because he simply wanted to fight, just wanted to beat someone up, wanted to cause real pain to someone because he couldn't control his own life, wanted to fight something.
Needed to fight.
A hand around his hand.
Run!
Never once had Jungkook thought about escape.
Not until he saw that face, fear and panic and rage and determination, stunningly beautiful, hand around his hand, not letting go, pulling, sirens screaming in the distance, his legs already moving, following, running, running, running, into the sea of the unknown.
Sinking into it.
Lungs screaming, clumsily flying through alleys, on wings of adrenaline, running after the girl in the white hoodie and red plaid skirt holding his hand, falling, falling, falling, skidding across the concrete, her arms around his, her head buried into his chest, his hands around her head to protect it, hitting a dumpster with a pained wheeze.
The sirens sped past.
He was holding her and she was holding him.
It was chance.
Just chance.
His hands were scraped up, bleeding from the trip and tumble, her white hoodie dirtied and ripped from the fall, scrapes on her legs and knees.
I'm sorry...
It was ridiculous chance.
Just ridiculous.
You clung to this stranger and laughed, laughed like a maniac, laughed like you had gone mad, crying into his dirty navy dress shirt, thank you, thank you, thank you, not knowing you were holding the one who would make you run, not knowing who or how affluent he was, now knowing of how it felt to hold his hand and kiss his lips and hear his laugh, not knowing how you would introduce him to a friend who was a tattoo artist and start his interest in them, not knowing you would sit by him for long hours and watch the art grow on his skin...
Holding him, crying, thank you, thank you, thank you for saving me, leaning against a dumpster as the stranger hugged you tightly, I got you, it's okay, don't cry, don't cry, don’t cry please, rubbing your back.
Not knowing.
Not knowing he would make you zero, not knowing you would be standing there, time and time again, verbally beaten by his own parents as he looked away, unable to fight.
And you would escape.
You would run.
He would come back.
An endless cycle until you broke it.
Then he started the endless cycle again, broken as it was, his whispers to your cheeks, I love you, cheeks that were dried of tears because you were cried out and left with a mechanical heart, I love you, heart to heartless because of wasted time, I love you, time wasted but you still loved him, no matter what you did.
Did that make you pathetic?
Did that make you stupid?
Did that make you the loser?
I love you.
Why did it matter?
Even winners die.
I love you too, Jungkook.
"Get your hands off my tits."
"Why?"
You glared at him. Jungkook grinned and spun you around, hair still a little damp, kisses on your face that made you cringe as your naked bodies tumbled on the bed, him doing it on purpose, your grumble against his kisses, should have known, his smirk against your scowl, thought you knew me well by now, capturing his lips to shut him up, sinking into his arms and the ocean that was Jeon Jungkook, the one who made you want to run through the maze of life instead of aimlessly walk down the path.
His hands on your face, staring into your eyes.
You looked back, into those eyes that once had everything, but you.
And yet, he chose to lose it all and have nothing, but you.
It didn't really make sense, being in love.
You searched for regret, but there was none to be found.
"Am I forever your waste of time?" Jungkook whispered, breath drifting over your lips.
You smirked.
"Always was and always will be."
I know you said I was a waste of time. But I was your waste of time and that was all I ever wanted to be.
"Let me at least..."
"Ah, f-fuck, Jungkook!"
Your hands faltered a little, rolling the condom down while biting your lip, gasping as his two fingers plunged into you, him moaning at the wetness, thrusting slowly and deeply.
"What, you think I can't feel good with only your dick?"
"No," Jungkook snickered, pulling his slick fingers out of your pussy and bringing them to his face, cocking an eyebrow. "Just want a taste."
You rolled your eyes as he shoved his fingers into his mouth, sucking them off, eyelids fluttering.
"You're so annoying."
He grinned around his fingers, slowly pulling them out and tracing his wet lips.
You narrowed your eyes.
You don't have to take me back. I understand now, you know... I get it. Everyone... everyone will tell you you're crazy and to not to take me back.
I'm not taking you anywhere.
I... I wouldn't blame you. I promise.
Jungkook, please, shut the fuck up.
Your hands on his chest, smacking your hips down, his head thrown back on the pillows, breathless moan at your tightness, matching his sound with your own, stretching yourself out and feeling him swell even more at the pulse of your walls wrapped around him, rolling your hips into his, wet, intense smacks, his right hand flying up and wrapping around your left wrist, watching you through his lashes with effort, losing himself in your pace, no need to ask because you could see it in his face, his open mouth and glazed over eyes, fingers slipping down, curling your nails into his skin.
“P… Please…”
Raking your nails down his chest, his back arching and eyes closing, groaning in pleasure and pain, fucking him into your mattress so hard that the bedframe squealed, setting your jaw and closing your eyes too, savoring his fullness and thickness, sinking into the ocean of pleasure that was Jeon Jungkook, the one who made you feel like no one else, the one who could make and unmake your mechanical heart, funny how that worked, your nails in his skin creating crescents of lust, your eyes snapping open as you felt his chest rise, his back arching, his hands flat on the bed and thrusting his hips up into you, one eye partly open, black hair pushed back, open-mouthed smirk on his lips.
That dark brown orb partly obscured by his lashes, but revealing all to you.
You ticked your chin at him.
“Look at me.”
His eyes fully opening, pupils dilated, hazed over with lust and stubborn love.
“Nothing is more important to me than loving you,” he panted before sinking his teeth into his lower lip, mole underneath flashing, smacking his hips up into yours hard and fast, and it took no time at all, staring at his face and the way the moonlight cradled his strong jaw and toned muscle, catching the low light and bringing out the fervor in his gaze, filling you just right, pleasure blossoming from your core and yet concentrated tightly at the same time, moan of his name falling from your lips, spilling out from your lips and in between your legs, covering him with the sweet scent and harsh squeezes of orgasm, even wetter now, his eyes rolling back, cock twitching, satisfied hiss of your name spilling out with spurts of cum filling the condom, his length shivering inside you, your thighs closing in and holding him in the air so you could feel it all.
His pleasure and him.
I won’t make it to heaven. I don’t belong there.
It’s not like I belong there either, Jungkook.
Are you sure? Only an angel would take me back.
I didn’t take you back. Only your body walked away. Your heart never left me, did it?
“You sure you don’t want to get a couples tattoo with me?”
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around how your dumb ass wants to get ‘loser’ tattooed and how you think that’s romantic.”
He pressed his right forearm against your left and grinned, watching you suck in a breath as he pushed into you again, other condom already in the trash, new one on, your right leg against his chest, sandwiched between your bodies.
“But yeah, if you want, I’ll get a ‘lover’ tattoo.”
He paused, blinking rapidly. “Really?”
You raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Why not?”
“You never wanted a tattoo before.”
Now you raised both eyebrows. “Did you ever ask me before?”
Jungkook looked down at you, hair a mess, smile blossoming on his face, somewhere between giddiness and mania, diving down and showering you with kisses, you smacking his arms and telling him, you’re bending me in half, the fuck are you doing, and he laughed, lifting both your legs now, I’ll show you bent in half, placing them between his arms, leaning down, sinking in as deep as possible, your moan and his moan mixing together.
You’re still here.
Of course, I am, this is my fucking apartment. Ugh, your black eye looks even uglier than before.
You don’t… you don’t want me to leave?
Did I say that? Uh… why are you crying?
F… Forget I said a-anything…
Hey, stop. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, Jungkook, please…
“Fuck, you feel so good, fuck…!”
Your hands in his hair, teasing grin on your face, and he was looking down at you, I love your smug smile, fuck, your fingers combing through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face, letting him see your smug smile without any obstructions, you always fuck me so well, Jungkook, the smile breaking out over his handsome features, breathing erratic and labored, hard and rough and deep, you rising your hips to meet him for every loud smack, exhales and moans blending together, tight, wet, full, your grip on his hair tightening, closer, closer, racing to the edge of the cliff and the edge of the world, Jungkook in your hands, taking him with you, or was he the one who was leading you?
“Jungkook…”
Breathless as if you were running, winded from the pleasure, tightening around him, his head lowering, your name washing over your cheeks in a hot gasp, putting more weight on you, nearly folded in half but it felt better this way, gratifying in how hard he could fuck you in this position, staring into those dark brown orbs, his body on yours, knowing he was yours, always was, always will be, and you were his, always was, always will be.
Head pressing into the pillows, moaning his name again, loud and unashamed, the overwhelming feeling taking over, muscles tense and nerves on fire, pouring it all into the pleasure, pulsing around his jerking length, his moan of your name on your skin, shooting shivering strings of cum into the condom, massaged and milked by the strength of your orgasm, locking him in your embrace and his arms closing in, lips on lips, a fierce kiss dominated by shuddering aftershocks, trembling in each other’s hold and taking the other’s breath away, blazing hot all over even though this frozen world cared about no one.
The kiss lasted a long, long time.
It fell apart slowly, leaving you both lightheaded from the intensity.
“You’re a waste of time, Jungkook,” you whispered, heated. “But you’re my time.”
The side of his lips quirked upward, sweaty, panting, chuckling.
“That’s all I ever wanted to be.”
--
masterpost
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mercur1e · 4 years ago
Note
Helllooooo
Soo I just saw you're headcannons are literally 💞💞
It's lowkey the only thing keeping me safe and alive ✋😌......soooooo can I request Gom + kuroko and kagami (if it's to much you can just doo Aomine, Kise and Midorima and akashi)where they accidentally hurt their s/o feelings pleaaseeeeee..... I need some angst but please end it in fluff (cuz i lowkey cannot handle it)
Please take care of yourself, your health always comes first, I love youuuu ❤❤❤
Ofc love! I hope you're doing well and I love you too :) <333
Akashi
He disregarded your hard work :(
You're trying to start your own small business and you're having a little trouble, which is not unusual that happens sometimes!
You were having trouble hiring employees and you were talking to him about it, and he was in a bad mood prior to you approaching him
"You're not going anywhere with this. It would just be better to give up on it. You're not going to make it that far even if you do succeed. And can you leave? I'm busy and all you're doing is acting as a distraction."
You just froze, you couldn't believe what he had just said
Not only did he know how much work you were putting in, he also knew how excited you were for the future of your shop too
You didn't even say anything, you just froze with shock, hurt, and surprise and stomped out of his office
You left the house, you needed some time to cool off and cry
It took Akashi a second to realize what he had said and how hurtful his words were, so he started looking all over for you in the house. He goes into the garage to see your car is gone and he assumes the worst.
You don't pick up the phone when he calls you or answer his texts, opting to turn it off after the fifth call.
You stay by your best friend for the night and they comforted you and told you he probably didn't mean it, and that you can stay as long as you need
After you leave from by your friends place you go to your favorite cafe for some breakfast
And guess who's there, Akashi.
You turn around and walk out because you were honestly not ready to deal with him just yet and it was too early in the morning for all that
He catches you on the way out and apologizes :)
"Love, I apologize for what I said yesterday. It was inconsiderate, hurtful, and wrong. You've been working so hard on your business and you're doing your best to make it happen. I was in a bad mood yesterday and I dont know what came over me. Will you forgive me?"
Looking you in the eye as he spoke every word, holding your hands and rubbing them, you know he was truly sorry and wants to fix what he did.
"I forgive you Sei, but what you said was really hurtful. You know how much this means to me and how much work I've been putting in. But I do forgive you."
He takes you out to eat at your favorite restaurant and watch a movie afterwards back at home, kisses you tons and holds you in his arms when you fall asleep.
He also puts in a good word with his work associates about your business and you gain more employees and popularity! But unless you want to do it completely on your own he's there supporting you every step of the way and giving you advice :)
Midorima
He acts like your affection is kryptonite, even though you're not a clingy or overly-affectionate person
You guys had been together for about 3-4 months
He always brushes you off even at the most simplest acts of affections, you're starting to really question if he even wants to be together.
Well this particular time he embarrassed you in front of the team :/
There was a break in between practice and you went to give him his water bottle and give him a hug
"Hey Shin he's your water bottle, don't work yourself too hard okay?"
After that you went in for a quick hug but he held a hand against your chest and glared at you
"Why are you always so clingy? You're always on me and its annoying. Can you just leave me alone or leave?"
He said that right in the middle of the court, everyone's eyes were on you and you felt embarrassed.
"...alright."
That's all you after said you shoved the water bottle into his hand and walked out of the gym.
Takao was the one to call him out on his behavior and tell him that he was being rude and that he should apologize
Midorima took that advice and after practice, he went to find you and apologize, except you weren't anywhere he checked or thought you would be
You avoided him for 3 days straight until he arrived at your house unannounced
Your lucky item in his hand, he gives you a well deserved apology
"Y/N I- I'm sorry that I was being rude to you. There was no reason for me to act like that and I haven't been appreciating you like I should. That was rude of me and I hope you except my apology. Also- this is your uh lucky item."
He hands you a plushie :)
He gives you hugs and reassures you that he appreciates your affections despite him not being used to it!
He also got an extra lap at practice from Miyaji lol but he decided not to tell you that part
Kise
Is very busy and it's sometimes hard to make time for you :(
And you also couldn't show him affection in public or be around him because his fangirls would throw a hissy fit
He hasn't been answering his phone and he can't really get that close to you at school so you've been feeling left behind
When you finally managed to catch him, you said you wanted to go out and just catch up because you two haven't spent much time together and he agreed
However Kise forgot about the plans and you were waiting at the restaurant, alone.
You went home that night upset, tired, and wondering if you even want to be in a relationship anymore
You stopped texting him and talking to talk to him at school, not that you even had that much time to talk to him and school anyway
Kise had realised a whole day later that he had forgotten about the plans you two had made together
He took off from work the whole week, even though his manager was mad about it and went off to find you
He found you at a park after school and approached you with flowers in his hand
"Y/N baby I'm so sorry I forgot about our date. I can't imagine how you must've felt and to make up for it I called the whole week off! I'm really, really sorry that I havent had time for you. Do you forgive me?"
"Yeah, I forgive you Kise I'm just really hurt that you stood me up. You knew we hadn't spent alot of time together and I was really hoping to catch up with you that night. But I'm just happy you're here."
He takes you to a concert! Your favorite artist was in town and he bought tickets for the two of you!
The whole week was filled with fun, love, and lots of conversations :)
He promises to make more time for you and be there for you whenever he can!
He also posts you on his socials and shows you affection at school, showing his fangirls that he's not for them, but for you and they can go away of they don't like that
Aomine
You feel like he doesn't put any effort into the relationship
It's always you doing everything, it just gets tiring
He doesn't really make an effort to do anything, like plan dates, hang out, or just spend time together
He also uses basketball as an excuse to not hang out with you when you already know he's not at practice
Like if you want alone time man just say that
So you had planned a date for you two, nothing big just going to the movie theaters yk
He cancelled last minute, saying Imayoshi was forcing him to come to practice
It was a sunday, they don't have practice in sunday
You talked to Momoi as she is a close friend of yours too, about how you feel like you're the only one making an effort and that you feel like he doesn't want to spend time with you
She tells you to confront him about it, so you do
The next time Daiki comes to your house you ask him about it
"It just feels like I'm the only one putting work into the relationship and I feel like you're avoiding me. You make up excuses to not be with me and bail on me last minute...do you even want to be with me? And if you do want alone time just be upfront about it, don't give me terrible excuses or flake out on me."
Aomine honestly didn't know you felt that way
Now that he looks back at it, it has been mainly you doing most of the stuff in the relationship, and he can see why you feel like it's only you trying
"You're right, it has been mainly you doing stuff for both of us. I'm gonna start putting in more effort because it's time I do. I'm sorry that I've been making shitty excuses to not hang out with you, and cancelling all of a sudden. I'll be honest when I don't feel like going out and I'll spend more time with you."
He makes it up to you by taking you to a festival and going to see a movie with you
True to his word, he starts putting more effort into y'alls relationship and you two take turns planning dates
And if he doesn't feel like going out you guys have at home dates instead :)
I know this took a little longer than usual, I'm sorry for the little setback. Hopefully you like them! Thank you for requesting and feedback is appreciated! Love you <333
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violettelueur · 4 years ago
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— GOJO SATORU || JEALOUS TYPE
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↳ featuring : gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen
↳ warnings : mention of sleeping pills and grammar issues
↳ form : imagine
↳ published : 05 february
↳ pronouns : non specified in imagine
↳ word count : 1.3k
↳ synopsis : waking up without your husband in bed with you, you decided to go search for him only to find him filling out paperwork that was long overdue.
↳ request : Hi!! Can i request a gojo x reader where gojo is doing some paperwork and the reader cant fell asleep without him so gojo made her sit on his lap while doing some paperwork and the reader falls asleep? When gojo is finished in his paperwork he went to sleep with the reader in their bedroom. Can you please make it fluffy? Thank you! I also love all of your works!
↳ barista’s notes : so...awkward times when some of your coffee orders (requests) disappear from your inbox hahahaha.....ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ but after i have written some of my ideas, i will update the ‘coffees in progress page’ (wip) for you guys to see if your requested got/didn’t get deleted! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please don’t be shy to order again soon ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆
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“When are you going to finish?”
Turning around from his seat, Gojo’s bright crystal eyes instantly caught the adorable sight of you standing by the doorway, wearing one of his large black jumpers paired with the classic black three-stripe Adidas shorts, as you covered your eyes trying to adjusting to the new lighting of the single lamp that was on.
“I’m doing some paperwork honey~” Gojo cheekily commented while twirling the pencil he was holding in his hand causing you to look at your husband in complete annoyance since you were the one that kept constantly reminding him that he needed to get his work done or he was going to sleep really late with the chances of him being at a slight disadvantage when coming into contact with curses - but, of course, he didn’t listen and using the excuse of ‘don’t worry, I’m the strongest’.
“I told you to do it earlier, why didn’t you listen to me?” you asked in an irritated tone, as you then processed to walk up to the ‘hard-working’ man causing Gojo to smile as he managed to get a closer look at you without him asking.
From closer inspection, Gojo could tell you were still extremely tired due to how heavy your eyes looked since it seemed like you were struggling to keep them open, your hair was tangled and messy but that was one of Gojo’s favourite things to see but he would rather see it in the morning rather than sleep-deprived as you were at this moment in time. 
Ever since you and Gojo established your romantic relationship during the second-year, he slowly began to realise that you would sleep as early as possible even when the shorthand of the clock just hit the number 7 in the evening. At first, he didn’t really care too much about it at first, he just thought you weren’t a night owl at all. However, he remembered one day you came into class with such dark circles, he couldn’t help but worry.
“Ahhh~ I have trouble sleeping in general, sleeping pills don’t work at all as well, so that’s why I sleep early.”
After that little discussion, Gojo made it his role to make sure you got enough sleep for the next day even if he had to stay in your room all night to make sure and it was still that same ever since you both got married. However, there were times when he had to overwork due to the number of missions that higher-ups passed on to him causing him to worry from time to time, but it seemed like you were slowly improving to which he was so proud of you for.
“Can’t sleep without me?” Gojo teased, leading to a frown to grow on your face which caused you to turn around as you weren’t in the mood to deal with his nuisance at 2 am in the morning. However, before you could even take a single step back to your shared bedroom, you suddenly felt a large hand wrap its fingers around your wrist leading to a halt in your moment. Gently, you were pulled back leading to you to lose your footing due to your drowsiness before an arm wrapped itself on your back preventing you from falling onto the wooden floor.
Blinking in surprise, you steadily came to the realisation that you now were on your husband’s lap as his other arm had dropped the pen he was holding to reach over to the couch where a spare blanket was placed, which was suddenly covering you from the cool air that was surrounding the room. “Go to sleep, I’ll take you back to bed when I’m done,” the white-haired sorcerer commented with a soft tone, causing you to look up at him before giving into the chance as your slyly wrapped your arms around his neck before pressing your face into his shoulder to get away from the bright light that your eyes weren’t still adjusted to.
Tenderly, one of Gojo’s hands began to run up and down your back trying to soothe you to sleep while his other hand went back to the pen that was abandoned to continue filling out the forms he was meant to do a week ago. Smiling, he leaned his head lightly against yours trying to relish the feeling of you needing him since he knew that the moment you both leave the four walls that were surrounding you, you wouldn’t show this vulnerable side to him. You refused to.
Comparing you to your personal life to your professional life, you clearly had two different personalities. When you were at school, you were cool, calm and collective, sometimes a little too blunt but there was a perfect mix of teasing that came along with it - clearly influenced by the one and only, himself. He vividly remembered the time when you joked about Fushiguro being the type to kick a stray cat after saying ‘such a nuisance’ or the time you joked that Itadori was the type to push a door that says ‘pull’ leading Kugisaki to laugh hysterically while both of the mentioned boys began to argue, yet the second you pat their hands and say ‘I’m only joking’, they both would suddenly calm down.
On the other hand, when you were at home with him or alone, you were more relaxed from your professional behaviour and sweet, leading him to wonder what switch did you flicker to change your brain. But he never questioned it. To be honest, he rather not since he knew the moment he would mention it, you would revert back to your work personality and not the kind and sweet one that was reserved for him.
“I would tell you to be more like that at work, but I’m too much of the jealous type,” Gojo whispered even though he knew that you were already asleep due to your light breathing pattern and how the tight hold you had around his neck slightly loosened. 
Signing off the last sheet that was on the towering pile, Gojo let out a sigh of relief before turning his head to get a quick sight of you, only to find that you were still in an unconscious state leading to the special grade sorcerer to look at the time on his phone to find that an hour had passed. 3:05 am.
Carefully reaching over to the lamp, Gojo flicked the switch causing the lighting to gradually disappear before slowly pushing out his chair as he looped an arm under your knees as he picked you up bridal style. Quickly making his way to your shared bedroom, Gojo began to gently place you down onto your side of the bed before slowly beginning to unhook the arms that were still around his neck. However, before he could even move to his side, he felt your hand instinctively grab his hand causing the playful man to look at you with a smile on his face as he looked down at your sleeping figure.
“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” Gojo whispered as he lightly stroked your cheek resulting in the grip of your hand to loosen as if you were awake to understand him. Climbing into his side of the bed, Gojo carefully pulled you into his arms causing you to snuggle further into the warmth that he was generously providing you before subconsciously wrapping an arm around his body wanting to keep him as close to you as possible.
“Yeah, I’m too much of the jealous type to let you show this side of you” Gojo mumbled as he slowly closed his eyes, following your route to a slumber that he had been desperate for since the moment he had you in his arms.
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© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost
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cherienymphe · 4 years ago
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Cruel Intentions (Steve Rogers x Reader)
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WARNINGS: NON-CON, manipulation, mentions of abuse, therapist!Steve, silverfox!Steve, drugging
! DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU !
➥ Image by @angrybirdcr
      ➥ dividers by @firefly-graphics
This is for the “For the Fic” challenge whose winner for my fic was @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​
The entire plot was her request and I hope that you like it!
summary: after escaping an abusive ex, you find solace in a therapist recommended to you by a friend. 
~
“...I know I shouldn’t...but sometimes I blame myself. In Harry, I know that I was looking for what I never had in my family. I think it made me quick to rush into things...to ignore what I should have seen.”
Your eyes remained on the dark carpet, the man before you humming as the scribbling sound of his pen reached your ears. You fought hard not to fidget, a horrible habit you’d picked up in the last 3 years. You finally lifted your head again when the room was bathed in silence, eyes meeting familiar blue ones as he studied you.
You were used to these short moments of silence by now.
You’d been recommended to Dr. Steve Rogers by a friend, a friend who’d helped you escape your violent ex in the dead of night while he’d been away on business. She had grown worried when it became obvious that the effects of your tumultuous relationship would be lasting if you didn’t do something about it. Oddly enough, you’d been receptive. For 2 whole years, you’d wanted to tell someone, have anyone to turn to and talk to, but fear, a very valid fear, had stopped you.
Not only had you been worried for your life, something that was threatened on a constant basis, but you’d also been afraid of judgement. You worried what your friends would say, if they’d blame you for finding yourself in such a predicament, if they’d look down on you for no longer fighting back. It was only by a stroke of luck that Nakia had seen Harry slap you right across the face when he thought she’d left. You were grateful that she’d waited for him to leave before rushing towards your trembling frame, pulling you into her arms as she shushed you.
She had demanded to know how long this had been going on. She had been horrified and confused and angry. It didn’t take her long to come up with a plan, and within 2 weeks, after waiting for Harry to leave the city for 2 days, she’d gotten you out and into her place across town. You didn’t stay for long, maybe a few weeks, wanting nothing but to put it all behind you, and although she was sad to see you go, she understood.
It was how you found yourself in upstate New York, in a secluded tiny thing of a house. You hadn’t even realized that you’d become something of a recluse until Nakia had pointed it out during one of your weekly calls. It had never hit you that you went to work and to home and that was it. You barely ate anymore, so grocery shopping was never a frequent affair. That was when she’d told you about a well known therapist in the area, Steven G. Rogers. You had been shocked by how much you weren’t opposed to the idea as she went on listing all of his credentials. 
It was only moments after she hung up that you found yourself researching him yourself. You remembered noting how handsome the man was, even more so in person. His bright blue eyes and silver tresses complimented his strong features nicely, pink lips pulled up into a polite smile. You didn’t find yourself put off by the stranger, thinking to yourself that talking to someone you didn’t know, an objective listener who was paid not to judge you, might be for the best.
You soon found out that was easier said than done.
The first visit had been rocky, barely mumbling a thing and constantly fidgeting. You had hardly been able to meet his eye, and the session had abruptly ended when you’d left early, stumbling over your words as you gave some half assed excuse for your sudden departure. He was far more understanding than you deserved during your second visit. Wracked with guilt and anxiety, you’d written some things down that you wanted to talk about, and thankfully, the man hadn’t laughed at you. In fact, you remembered how fondly he looked at you as you unfolded it.
As it turned out, you didn’t need the slip of paper at all. Notes forgotten, you had rambled on for an hour. It was like once you started, you just couldn’t stop, and Steve simply listened the entire time. The next time he spoke to you was only to tell you that your time was up, and both embarrassment and disappointment had flooded through you. It must have been obvious, plain as day on your features, because Steve reassured you that it was normal to ramble. 
You had been reluctant to leave. After years of biting your tongue and living in fear of even making the wrong sound, you finally found someone to listen. Even if it was only a stranger getting paid for it, it was still something. There was someone to express your fears to, and although it had taken some time, terrified that you’d say the wrong thing and upset him, eventually, you started to express your anger too.
“...and then I get angry all over again,” you continued when he said nothing. “...because I’m smart, because red flags in others’ relationships have always been so obvious to me. I’ve always been the mom friend, the one who can spot trouble before it even starts. I’ve helped friends get out of situations before they even had the chance to turn sour…”
You shook your head.
“...and yet...it took a slap to the face to realize just how deep I was in? Not the jealousy, not the anger issues nor the way he’d isolated me from just about everyone in my life...but a slap? It should’ve never gotten to that.”
“You can’t blame yourself for the actions of others.”
It wasn’t the first time you’d heard that. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time he’d told you that, and yet here you were again.
“We can go in circles analyzing your own behavior and the things you did and the things you said, but the truth is that you could play it out in your head a million times. You could do every single thing differently, and it still wouldn’t change a thing.”
The corner of his lips lifted into a crooked smile, a familiar sight.
“Some people are simply cruel, and it has nothing at all to do with you.”
You sharply inhaled, unsure of why such a simple statement resonated with you so deeply. You stared at Steve, blinking a few times, opening your mouth to respond when he glanced at the clock. It was a tell tale sign, and your shoulders sagged. You would think that after seeing him for 7 months now, you’d be used to leaving after only an hour, but it never got easier.
“That’s all the time we have for today,” he said, standing. “You’re progressing nicely, Y/N.”
You rolled your eyes, and he chuckled, eyes crinkling. 
“You are. Progress and healing isn’t linear. Sometimes you’re going to take 2 steps back before you can take 10 more forward. It’s all part of the process,” he assured you.
You sighed.
“Well… I guess that does make me feel a bit better,” you replied.
He sent you a small smile as he guided you towards the door.
“I’ll see you next week?”
You returned his smile with a nod and didn’t let your face fall until the door was shut behind you. The good thing about therapy was that you could recognize your own toxic behaviors now, and it was clear that you were becoming reliant on your sessions with Steve. You had never liked being alone, but you had come all the way out here to learn to do just that. For your sake, you needed to learn to love being alone. It was how you had gotten into this mess to begin with.
Your phone vibrated with a call from an unknown number, and figuring it was a scam call, you silenced it.
Your house was practically in the middle of nowhere, so when the tv wasn’t blasting or you didn’t have Spotify playing some light tune, the house could get scarily quiet. But that was what you wanted...right? Harry had always been so explosive. The smallest of things could set him off and then the sound of yelling and shattering glass would rain down on you. Silence and solitude was what you wanted, needed.
Your phone buzzed again as you settled into your car, and you huffed when you noticed it was the same number. Again, you weren’t unfamiliar with scam callers so you ignored it. You noted that you needed to go grocery shopping, but you weren’t on the precipice of starvation just yet, so it could hold off for another day. By the time you got inside, your phone had started to buzz again, and with a frown, you decided to answer it.
“Hello?”
You were met with silence as you unlocked your door, and you repeated yourself, but there was no response. With a sigh, you hung up the phone. You both loved and hated coming home. It was quiet and safe and everything you had craved for years now, but the unfamiliarity of it all unnerved you. Sometimes you were just waiting for Harry to come flying through the door, screaming and breaking things. You had to remind yourself that this silence, this security, is how it’s supposed to be.
You went about making a quick meal, hopping into the shower while leaving the stove on low. When you got out, in the process of moisturizing your arms, you noticed your phone buzzing with another call. From that same number. Unease filled you as you neared it, and you hesitantly reached for it before answering.
Again, you were met with silence, and frustrated and annoyed, you simply blocked the number. A quick look through your phone revealed that you’d missed several calls from the same number while in the bathroom. Blinking with a deepening frown, you set your phone down and made your way to your kitchen. Dinner, like always these days, was quiet. You curled up on the couch with your plate while you watched some old sitcom.
The rest of the night passed as blandly as it always did. Sleep was much easier to find these days, so you had no trouble as soon as your head hit the pillow. However, just as you were on the verge, your phone buzzed with another call. This number didn’t match the previous one, but it was unknown nonetheless. With a groan, you put your phone on silent and rolled over, sleep claiming you.
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“I know it’s you,” you sneered into the phone.
Unsurprisingly, you were met with the faint sound of breathing, and you clenched your jaw. You slammed the car door behind you before stomping across the parking lot.
“I know it’s you,” you quietly repeated. “Stay away from me.”
You hung up before blocking the number, the 10th number you had blocked in the past week. Every few hours or so a day, like clockwork, you got calls from an unknown number. You’d always end up blocking the number after the first few calls, but they always called again from a different one. At first, they’d say nothing, and you’d listen to silence for a few seconds before hanging up. Now, they’d taken to breathing in your ear like a creep. It wasn’t even until you blocked the 3rd number did it finally hit you.
Harry.
Harry freaking Osborn.
You felt like such an idiot for not putting it together sooner. Of course, it was Harry. Was this not the same man who threatened to hunt you down and drag you back like some animal if you ever left him? You had always equated woman beaters to cowards so you never thought he’d have the nerve to actually do it. Putting the pieces together didn’t bring you any comfort. Your filthy rich abusive ex had managed to track you down. What comfort was there to find in that?
Since that day, you hadn’t had a proper night of sleep. Your mind was constantly at war with itself on what to do. Having been down this road before, you knew the police would be no help. You’d gone to them once before, at the very beginning after the first time he’d hit you. It was your first harsh lesson that money ruled over everything. If you thought hard enough, you could still recall his hands around your throat, eyes alight with anger at what you’d tried to pull.
Still, you considered at least trying to get a restraining order but at the end of the day, that was a mere piece of paper. If Harry came to your door, it wasn’t going to stop him from hurting you, and that’s even if the whole process went through. They don’t just give restraining orders out willy nilly. You tried not to dwell on that hypothetical situation, but if he’d found your number, it would only be a matter of time before he found your address.
“Oh!”
You’d only just entered the grocery store, barely stepping into an aisle when you bumped into someone. The chips and bread in his hands went flying to the floor, and apologies tumbled from your lips. It was only after you helped him pick up what you made him drop did you realize who you’d run into.
“Dr. Rogers...hi,” you breathed.
The corner of his lips pulled into a crooked smile, head tilting to the side as his gaze fell onto you.
“We’ve discussed this before, Y/N. You’re more than welcome to call me Steve,” he told you.
You gave a nervous chuckle, nodding.
“Yeah...uh… I normally do, it just...it just slipped my mind,” you replied.
He blinked at you, eyes narrowing just a bit as he studied you. His brows furrowed in that concerned way you were used to, a silver strand of hair kissing his forehead.
“Everything okay…?”
You folded your arms over your chest, nodding with a strained smile.
“Everything’s fine,” you lied. “It’s just… It’s been a weird week. Our next session cannot come fast enough.”
You forced a light laugh, and he joined you. He placed a hand on his hip, eyes boring into your own.
“There’s a coffee shop just over there,” he gestured. “Did you want to sit and have a chat?”
You frantically shook your head.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t,” you told him. “I-.”
“I know I’m your therapist, but I want you to think of me as a confidant outside of the office too. You’re more than welcome to talk to me anytime. In fact, I encourage it,” he interrupted. 
You nervously eyed him with a frown.
“Are...are you sure?”
His smile was comforting.
“This may be my job, but it’s one I chose because it’s one I enjoy. I don’t want you to feel like you’re only allowed to talk to me during our sessions,” he quietly said.
You bit your lip, and Steve continued.
“I’d hate to think that you’re bottling things up for days on end, suffering in silence because you’re just waiting to talk to me,” he confessed.
Your shoulders sagged, and you hesitantly nodded.
“...okay. I just need to get a few things for the house.”
“Okay,” he said with a smile. “You know where to find me.”
You parted ways, and a sigh escaped you. You really didn’t want to become reliant on Steve. Wasn’t the whole point of therapy to learn how to process your feelings and cope with them better? Running to your therapist every time you have a problem just seemed counterproductive. And yet, once your car was loaded up with the few items you bought, you found yourself making your way to the coffee shop.
After ordering a small drink, you easily spotted Steve at a table in the back. You noted that even outside of your sessions, he still dressed nicely. The dark button down he wore contrasted with his light hair, dark slacks making him appear taller. You felt simultaneously nervous and comforted as you settled across from him. There was a brief silence, one in which you sipped on your drink while he eyed you before finally speaking.
“So what’s on your mind?”
What a loaded question. You struggled over whether or not to tell him the truth. Your abusive ex had found you somehow and was currently harassing you. That’s not something you could just casually drop into the conversation. Besides, Steve was your therapist, not your friend. You didn’t think it fair to rope him into the drama with your ex. That wasn’t part of his job description. Right?
“Just sleepless nights,” you said.
It wasn’t a complete lie. Steve eyed you like he was waiting for you to continue, blue eyes soft.
“I’m also worried that...my past might not remain in the past.”
Once again, this wasn’t a complete lie. 
“How so?” Steve hummed.
“I can’t help but wonder about what will happen if Harry finds me. He always threatened that he would if I ever left, and while I never believed him before, I just keep wondering… What if he does?”
Steve tilted his head at you, and you leaned back in your seat with a sigh.
“I’ve moved all the way out here to get away from him. I’ve isolated myself because I thought it was for the best, but it would have the opposite effect if he ever found me. I’ve never been particularly close with my family as you well know, and I’ve left all of my friends. I’m all alone here, and it’s the worst thing to be if he ever did track me down.”
Like always, you had started to ramble, and you snapped your mouth closed, embarrassment flooding through you.
“What brought all of this on?”
Steve’s eyes were sincere as he ran them over you, handsome face twisted in concern, and you glanced away.
“Just thinking,” you lamely replied, eyes on your drink now. “It’s something I’ve always thought about, sure, but it’s been more pressing as of late.”
“Well...that’s what I’m here for. You shouldn’t have to deal with these thoughts alone,” he eventually said.
“I know,” you sighed, rubbing your temples. “...but I shouldn’t become so reliant on you. The whole point of therapy is to learn to deal with these things on my own, is it not?”
Steve exhaled, leaning back in his seat as he gazed at you.
“Not necessarily. Not always,” he answered. “...but even then, until you can get to that point, it’s best to lean into your support. After all, you’ve gotta crawl before you can walk, right?”
You nodded, taking in his words.
“...and even when you’re walking, you usually need someone there in the beginning to hold your hand in case you fall. I encourage you to talk to your friends more, maybe even branch out and find some friends here, but I’m here as well. Don’t halt any of your progress because you feel like you need to be dealing with this alone. Outside help does more for your progress than you’d think.”
“I guess that does make sense. I don’t know… I just- I’d feel so bad about showing up at your office throughout all hours of the day or calling your receptionist-.”
You cut yourself off when he took out a pen and a slip of paper.
“Here,” he said, scribbling a number on it before handing it to you. “This is my personal number.”
Your eyes widened. 
“Oh, I can’t-.”
“It’s fine, trust me.”
You hesitantly returned his smile, taking the piece of paper.
“Don’t hesitate to call me anytime you want to,” he told you, standing.
You joined him, fingering the note before sliding it into your pocket.
“Thank you…Steve. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually call you, but just knowing that I have the option makes me feel so much better,” you whispered.
You heard his pager go off, and you watched as he glanced at it. He let out a sigh, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he sounded disappointed.
“I’ve got to go, but I hope you’ll use that number if you need to.”
Thanking him again, you said your goodbyes, and you watched as he exited the shop. The slip of paper felt heavy in your pocket, so you solved that by putting his number into your phone. Just as you were about to put it back into your purse, it buzzed with a call from an unknown number. Fear settled into your gut, and with a grimace, you silenced the call and blocked the number.
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You were late. You were so late it was laughable to even show up at this point. Your shoes tapped against the tile as the numbers on the elevator lit up as it passed each floor. You slipped through the doors as soon as they parted, and with no mind to check in, the receptionist calling your name, you raced towards Steve’s office. You reached his door just as he opened it to step out, and the papers that he was holding scattered to the floor as you collided with him. You hadn’t even realized how fast you’d been running until you were knocked on your ass. 
You could hear the heels of the receptionist as she ran over, apologizing to Steve for letting you slip past her, but he waved her off. She reluctantly returned to her desk, and you scrambled to sit up, reaching for everything that had fallen.
“I was beginning to think you’d never show,” Steve joked.
You gave a shaky laugh.
“I uh...I got caught up,” you replied through trembling lips, fingers shaking as you struggled to stack all of his paperwork.
You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, but you avoided his gaze.
“I know I’m late. Our hour is practically over, but I- I just… Um, crap.”
You had dropped the papers all over again, and you both reached for them at the same time. At least, that was what you thought. Steve’s hands covered yours, and you only just realized how badly they were shaking.
“Y/N.”
His voice was soft, exactly what you needed right now, but you couldn’t look him in the eye.
“Y/N, is everything alright?”
Your chest was tight, and you wanted to will your lips to form a yes. You wanted to tell him that everything was fine, but you couldn’t even get the words out. He called your name again, and you suddenly stood, taking the papers with you. You handed them to him as he followed your lead, still avoiding his eye.
“I’m sorry for being late, and I know that you probably have another session-.”
“I don’t,” he interrupted. “Come in.”
You glanced up from beneath your lashes as he opened the door, ushering you inside. You wrapped your arms around yourself as he shut the door behind you.
“Is everything okay?”
You turned your face away from him, unable to keep it from crumbling as you held in a sob.
“Y/N.”
The way he called your name had you freezing in place, a shiver running through you at his firm tone, authority in the one simple word. In a way, it reminded you of Harry, and you looked to him with wide eyes. Seeming to understand what he’d done, Steve sighed before sitting down, making himself appear smaller to show that he wasn’t a threat to you.
“I’m sorry,” he genuinely apologized. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Please...sit.”
You hesitantly did so and reached out to take the tissue he offered you. You hadn’t even realized that you’d started crying.
“Now… I’m going to ask you again, and I’m begging you to please be honest with me. I’m here to help you in any way I can,” he whispered.
You wiped your face, sinking your teeth into your lip.
“It’s...Harry.”
Steve’s face was pinched with concern.
“What is it? Are you having nightmares again-?”
“No, you don’t understand. He’s calling me,” you confessed.
Steve froze, blinking a few times before his eyes widened, your words finally registering. You sniffed, fighting to hold in a sob.
“It started weeks ago, before we ran into each other that night…”
You didn’t miss the disappointment that flitted over his features, lips pressed together.
“...and I know I should’ve said something then-.”
“You should’ve called me.”
“I know! I know, but… I don’t know. I just wanted to handle this on my own,” you quietly said.
He didn’t respond, and you turned your eyes towards the window.
“Last time...I wasn’t able to get away on my own. I wanted it to be different this time. At first, I simply blocked him but he kept calling and calling from different numbers. Then I got a new phone...and eventually another, but it’s still the same. He keeps finding me,” you tearfully told him. “...and today…”
Your eyes met his, and you were comforted by the concern you saw there.
“Today I was at the police station. That’s why I was late.”
Steve straightened up at this.
“I thought that maybe I could get a restraining order or maybe they could trace the calls to show that it’s him, but the whole visit was useless. They boiled it down to petty relationship drama, and since there’s no record of his violent behavior because I never reported anything…”
You shrugged, scoffing.
“There’s basically nothing they can do. The whole visit was a waste,” you spat.
Steve heaved a sigh, and he slowly reached out towards you, leaning forward.
“I didn’t ask before, but… Is it alright if I hold your hand?”
You nodded. That was what you liked about Steve. He was always asking for your consent with just about everything, even the simplest of things, and it was such a nice contrast to Harry who used to feel like he was entitled to your body. Steve took your hand, throwing you a comforting smile as he eyed you, worried.
“I wish that you had called me,” he said.
You looked down, guilt filling you.
“I could have helped you before it ever got to this point. I have friends on the force, friends in high places who could lock this creep up if you wanted.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
Of course Steve, Dr. Steven Rogers, knew people who could help you. Of course he did! Your stubbornness had gotten you far deeper into this than necessary. 
“What have I said about self deprecating language?”
“Sorry,” you murmured.
“You’re not an idiot. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re just a woman trying to find her strength again.”
You hesitantly nodded, and he brushed his thumb over the back of your hand.
“I want you to get rid of your phone,” he suggested.
You frowned, and he continued before you could question him.
“I’ll work on getting a new one for you. A secure one under my name.”
You frowned, not liking the idea of being so indebted to him.
“Steve, I don’t know-.”
“It’ll only be temporary. You can use it until I talk to some people and have him properly dealt with.”
Even though you weren’t keen on the idea, you reluctantly agreed.
“...and you have to promise me one thing…”
You eyed him, holding his gaze as you waited for him to continue.
“Promise me that you’ll call me the second he bothers you again,” he proposed.
Accepting the fact that your stubbornness was doing you more harm than good, you nodded. Steve seemed pleased with that, and with one last pat on your hand, he let you go. As he guided you out of your office, your phone in his hand, you felt more hopeful than you had in over a month. You felt so silly for not seeking out his help sooner, and you couldn’t deny the weight that had been lifted from your shoulders as you settled into your car.
True to his word, at your next session, Steve presented you with a new phone. It had all of your important contacts with Steve being at the top of the list. Embarrassment had flooded you as you thanked him with tears in your eyes. The week without your phone had been the most peace you’d had in a while, and you finally got some much needed rest.
“You haven’t heard anything from him, have you?” he’d asked you.
“No,” you answered, shaking your head. “Not a peep.”
He threw you that same smile that always brought you comfort.
“Good. Even if you never do, you’re always free to call me,” he’d reminded you.
Finally deciding to let your stubbornness go, you did. Talking to Steve outside of your sessions was easier than you thought it’d be. It was like talking to a friend. Sometimes you’d meet up at that same coffee shop not too far from his office, and other times you’d be putting a quick meal together while he was on the other line, listening to you ramble. You soon realized that it wasn’t just his profession that made him that way, but Steve truly was an unbiased listener. He never judged you for any steps back in your progress nor for any of your more self deprecating thoughts.
Best of all, you hadn’t heard anything more from Harry.
Not until he knocked on your door one night.
It was late when you’d heard the pounding on the wood, and having been watching tv in your room, you wondered if you imagined it. It was only moments later that you’d heard it again. Your eyes had widened, sitting up in alarm. No one knew you lived here. Not even your mailman. All of your mail collected at a Post Office box before you eventually went to pick it up. You stood, standing in your room, trembling in fear before a knock on your bedroom window had you screaming.
You didn’t hesitate to call the police, and it took longer than you liked for them to arrive. All the while, you dealt with knocking and pounding on your window and door. Back and forth, it alternated with minutes in between before stopping altogether when the sound of sirens could be heard. Unsurprisingly, and frustratingly, the police didn’t find anyone.
“Look, we’ll get this report down to the station,” the brunette had told you, not looking concerned in the least.
Frustration filled you, and you shuffled on your feet.
“Can’t you...idk, have someone stay here? Not even the whole night but just a few hours in case they come back?”
The tall man sighed, and you glanced at his badge. Officer Barnes, you noted.
“With all due respect mam, we can’t just have one of our officers sitting in your yard because someone knocked on your door-.”
“I told you-!”
“I know, I know. The windows too,” he said, sounding exasperated, and your frown deepened. “The best we can do is get this down to the station. You’re more than welcome to call us again should anyone come back.”
You crossed your arms over your chest as they left, finding no relief. You swallowed as you thought about Steve. You didn’t want to, but Harry had found you, tormenting you by knocking on your house in the dead of night. This was exactly the reason Steve had given you his number. Swallowing down your stubbornness, and with a deep breath, you called him.
He didn’t sound like he was asleep, and for that you were grateful. You would’ve kicked yourself if you had woken him up. Finally getting out why you’d called him was an awkward affair, stumbling over your words, and you felt even worse as he agreed to come over. There was no hesitation, and you couldn’t help but feel as if you were taking advantage of Steve’s generosity. 
You mumbled out your address, surprised to realize how relieved you were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had trusted a man this much. Harry had made you so paranoid, but you supposed that was what therapy was for. This was why you had all those sessions with Steve. To learn to heal and to trust again.
You opened the door with a small smile when he finally pulled into your yard. He was dressed comfortably, and you felt much better about your own ratty t-shirt and leggings, but his casual attire made him no less striking. 
“Thank you,” you breathed as he stepped inside.
“I was up going over paperwork when you called. I’m glad you did,” he told you.
You leaned against the door as you closed it, rubbing your arms.
“I didn’t know if I should. It’s just… He was here, Steve. Knocking on my door and window like something out of a horror movie, and the police treated it like it was nothing,” you complained.
Steve tilted his head at you with a sad smile.
“First thing in the morning, I’m going to make some more calls. Since he’s in town, it should be easy to have him put away. At the very least, a restraining order.”
Relief and hope filled you as you brushed past him.
“I really can’t thank you enough for coming over. I promise I won’t keep you long, just until I feel I can be ok being alone,” you said over your shoulder.
He followed you into the kitchen.
“Can I get you anything to drink? Eat? It’s the least I can do.”
“Some wine might be nice. You might want to pour yourself a glass too,” he suggested.
You chuckled, and he joined you, but you agreed with him nonetheless. You poured a glass for both of you, and you leaned against the counter with a sigh.
“I just don’t understand why he can’t leave me alone. Hasn’t he put me through enough?”
Steve hummed.
“From what you’ve told me, he strikes me as a narcissist. I’d bet that he doesn’t want you to move on,” he mused.
“Maybe,” you distractedly replied as you heard your phone ring. “I’ll be right back. Let me grab that super quick, it might be Nakia.”
Your phone was in your room, but by the time you reached it, it had stopped ringing. Sure enough, it was a missed call from your best friend, and you brought your phone with you to the kitchen, determined to call her back. Steve’s eyes were fond when you returned, and you shrugged.
“I need to call her back. I’ll only be a moment,” you said, swiping your glass.
“Take all the time you need.”
You made your way to the living room, taking your place on the couch as you called her back. She answered almost immediately.
“Hey, what’s up?”
She greeted you with a soft exhale.
“Uh… Harry’s...dead.”
You froze at her words, pulling the glass away from your lips. You blinked a few times, trying to come to terms with what she’d said.
“...what?”
“I just found out. I honestly didn’t know how you’d take the news, but I thought you should know.”
She was right. You yourself didn’t even know how you felt about this news. You had loved this man at one point...but he was also your abuser. This was good news...right?
“How?” you finally asked her.
She sighed.
“Apparently, he’d been missing for months-.”
“Months?”
“Yeah,” she quietly replied. “They found and identified his body today. I just saw it on the news.”
Your stomach twisted as the truth, and the meaning behind it, sank in. Just because Harry had been missing for months, it didn’t mean that he’d been dead for months. It very well could have been him harassing you like you believed. But...if they’d found and identified his body today, then there was no way it was him at your house tonight.
“Thank you,” you eventually said. “Um… I’m glad you told me.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” you honestly replied. “I’m just a little unsure of how I feel about all of this, but I’ll call you tomorrow when I’ve slept on it.”
“Alright. Be safe.”
You said your goodbyes and returned to the kitchen with an empty glass.
“Everything okay?” Steve questioned.
Your face must have been an open book.
“Harry’s dead,” you scoffed, blinking as you still fought to process this.
Steve didn’t respond, and just like one of your sessions, he seemed to be waiting for you to continue.
“Apparently he’d been missing for months and they just identified his body today. There’s no way it could have been him knocking on my door tonight, and now...now I’m even more scared than I was before,” you confessed. “God, I can’t even fully come to terms with my feelings on this because I’m realizing that Harry might not have been the only thing I should’ve been afraid of.”
“Hey,” Steve soothingly said, nearing you. “Are you sure it wasn’t someone who got lost? Maybe they had the wrong house?”
You thought about it before shaking your head.
“No, it definitely didn’t seem like that. Oh my God,” you cried, letting your head fall into your hands.
Steve pulled you into his arms, startling you, but you eventually relaxed, the wine settling into your system nicely.
“It’s going to be alright-.”
“What if it isn’t? Because I’m the idiot who thought that Harry was the only possible danger out there, I’ve attracted another without even realizing it.”
“Hey, hey,” he soothed. “Maybe it was nothing, and maybe it was more. Either way, I’m only a phone call away. Say the word, and I’ll have an officer living in your yard if need be.”
You chuckled at that, and nodded.
“Thank you,” you said, looking at him. “I-.”
You swallowed your words when his lips met yours, soft and demanding as they moved against your own. You were stunned, and it took you a moment to realize just what was happening before you pulled away. You stared at Steve with wide eyes, hesitantly reaching up to touch your lips as you took a step back.
“Steve…”
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he breathed.
Your lips parted, a soft gasp escaping you at both his words and the fire in his gaze. It was so sudden and great that it froze you.
“Steve, I think… I think you should go,” you whispered, almost in disbelief.
He frowned at you, tilting his head just a tad as he folded his arms over his chest.
“Go? Why would I do that when you’re not feeling well?”
You opened your mouth to repeat yourself, even demand to know what he meant, but a sudden wave of nausea hit you, head feeling fuzzy. Steve caught you just as you stumbled, and you frowned, fighting to get out of his arms.
“What…?”
“You seemed really tense. I thought you could use something to take the edge off…”
You stared at him in disbelief, attempting to blink away the stars in your vision. Your legs felt like they were made of Jell-O as Steve guided you towards the living room. He deposited you on the couch, and you could hardly do anything as he laid you down, sitting beside you. His blue eyes, normally so soft and comforting, were dark with a longing you had never seen before.
“You were like a wounded little lamb when you first came to me,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over your lip. “So lost...broken… It’s because of me that you’re even halfway back together again.”
His hands moved to slowly undress you, taking his time, and your hands might as well had been air as you tried to stop him. You shuddered as the cool air in the house hit you, nipples pebbling, even more so when Steve brushed his fingers over them.
“I wanted to wrap you in my arms during that first session. Drag you back as you tried to leave, show you how a woman should be touched by a man.”
You were in a state of shock, disbelief coursing through you as you watched Steve undress. Even at his age, the man was a wall of muscle, thick bands making you swallow in fear as you hopelessly tried to tell yourself that this was a dream.
“Steve,” you whispered.
“I had to be patient. I didn’t want to scare you off, push you into the arms of another dangerous man. I had to help you heal before showing the kind of man I can be for you,” he told you, fingers on your face as he neared you again.
Your whole body felt weighed down, and you couldn’t stop your tears even if you wanted to. Your touch was light as you pressed your hands to his chest, feeling like you were going to be sick as he settled over you.
“Harry is gone. He can’t hurt you anymore, and I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again.”
The irony was not lost on you, but the way he said that struck something in you, and your mind traveled to the unthinkable. You didn’t get the chance to think about it some more before Steve was forcing himself inside of you. A choking noise escaped you as he filled you to the hilt, your legs spread wide to accommodate his frame. Steve released a shuddering breath, breathing through his nose, body trembling as he delighted in the feel of you wrapped around him.
It was amazing that while all of your senses felt dulled, you could feel his pulsing member inside of you so well. He surrounded you, bulky frame caging you in, and you felt like you would pass out from suffocation. Steve sighed just before his lips met yours, and your stomach clenched as he moved within you. A broken moan slipped out against your will, and Steve groaned at the sound.
“I’ll show you pleasure that you’ve never known, touch you in ways you never felt. I know how to make you happy,” he purred, his pace languid as he thrust in and out of you.
You turned your head away, the furniture of your living room blurring together from whatever he’d slipped into your drink.
“I know your deepest desires and your deepest fears. I know you better than anyone else out there…”
You hated that in a way, Steve was right. You’d bared yourself to him under the guise of trust and healing. He really did know all there was to know about you, and you hated yourself for it. You hated him for hiding his intentions so well, for taking advantage of your vulnerability and trauma. He tutted as you started to squirm beneath him.
“After all I’ve done for you...in all the ways I’ve helped you, the least you could do is give yourself to me. I deserve to reap the benefits of my efforts-.”
You gasped beneath him, legs kicking around him, but he only pressed himself more firmly against you.
“...I’ve gone out of my way to make sure you were safe, to protect you so that no more threats remained to you nor our relationship.”
“You’re crazy-.”
You cut yourself off with a yelp as he nipped at your neck, jerking in his hold as he continued to snap his hips into yours. His hands were gentle on you, a contrast to how he fucked you, his pace increasing with every passing minute. Despite the fact that you could hardly move, he wrapped his arms around you, holding you in place as the sound of your coupling filled the room, your core now wet and slick from his ministrations.
Steve seemed intoxicated, blissfully immersed in the feel of you and how you clung to him. His low groans and moans filled your ear, and you could do nothing as he covered your lips again, tongue tasting you, moaning at the taste of wine that still remained.
“My touch will never cause you harm, bringing you nothing but pleasure for the rest of our lives.”
~
tags:  @xoxabs88xox​ @harryspet​ @readermia​ @opheliadawnwalker3​ @nickyl316h​ @captainchrisstan​ @sebabestianstan101​ @villanellevi​ @lokislastlove​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @coconutqueen21​ @hurricanerin​ @hyoyeoniie​ @sherrybaby14​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​ @mandiiblanche​ @gotnofucks​ @oneoftheprettynerds​ @doozywoozy​ @sapphirescrolls​ @threeminutesoflife​ @searchforanotherway​ @mcudarklibrary​ @buckybarnesplumwhore​ @widowsmaximoff​ @nerdygirl8203​  @supernaturalwintersoldier​ @charmed-asylum  @harrysthiccthighss​ @patzammit​
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9tzuyu · 3 years ago
Text
dark red
request: hii i’m not sure if you’re accepting requests rn,,, if you aren’t i’m sorry please ignore this djfjdhd could you write a nat x reader based off the song dark red by steve lacy — specifically the lines “don’t you give me up / please don’t give up / only you, my girl / only you, babe” — kind of like the tiktok trend going on right now
note: anon im so sorry i really hope this was okay. i can try and rewrite it if you want though 😭 i kinda hate it but i hope its good enough for you :[
aLSO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE.
i proofread this as quick as i could so all mistakes are mine.
warnings: none, a little angsty, terrible writing.
🏷: @c-is-writing @wandaromanova @nermalina
. . .
everyone knew natasha to be a very self-assured woman. she knew everything about herself; what she liked and what she didn’t like, who she tolerated and who she trusted. her history with just about everyone she’s close with dates back years, sometimes decades. it was very rare that she met someone knew whom she gave her complete trust to. 
meeting you caught her by surprise, something that doesn’t happen to natasha very often. your presence was refreshing, authentic, new. it was the very thing natasha didn’t know she needed in her life.
natasha watched your every little movement any time you were around. you intrigued her, held her attention by the very strand of your hair. something about you was special and she couldn’t seem to get enough.
so she allowed herself to have you, to enjoy you, to be with you. over a year into the friendship, you suggested the idea of becoming something more than just platonic. you wanted a relationship with the woman.
natasha accepted your proposal with a bright smile and a gentle kiss on the lips. she’d been more than relieved you asked her because the false belief that she was undeserving trampled any courage she had. 
it was hard to know when something was truly bothering natasha, but sometimes you were able to see the light dull in her eyes, or the uncontrollable fidgeting she’d accidentally let slip. 
which is exactly what you were dealing with now. for the past few months you’d begun to notice a slight change in natasha’s demeanor. little by little she began to distance herself in ways she knew would be looked over, at least for a short amount of time. 
natasha started out small. rather than having her face meet yours, she’d turn her back against your front while you slept. she couldn’t bear to look at someone who deserved so much better than what she could ever offer. 
you meant the entire world to natasha, she would quite literally do anything to protect you. that being said, natasha felt the need to protect you from her. 
a couple of weeks after her initial push back, you noticed the way she’d flinch when you tried to hold her. it was almost invisible, but you knew natasha more intimately than anyone else ever had, which made it easier to recognize all the small things everyone else missed.
then you caught onto the fact that she started leaving the bed early in the morning, as if she was promising herself not to see you. natasha also started to work more. longer hours, nights she had to be away, and minimal effort to keep in touch kickstarted the fighting. 
just as everything else did, it started off on a smaller scale. you’d send texts clearly stating how upset you were by her choice of actions. natasha would always have some stupid excuse on hand as a response though.
things began to escalate when natasha willingly booked her days off into cheap motels that reeked of cigarettes. the redhead would often find herself sitting on the floor beside her bed, breath saturated in store-bought vodka. the russian felt cheap and disposable, just as she did when she was a kid being used by the hands of a man with no morals.
when natasha chose to go home she’d return with her hair knotted, tied loosely in a bun with an apology already made.
this went on for nearly two months before you’d finally decided enough was enough. you’d given her time, space, everything you thought might help, but she never made any attempt to reciprocate your efforts. 
so now you stood leaning against the wall across the living room, natasha anxiously settled on the couch directly in your line of view. your focus was solely on the spy. and despite her best efforts at trying to hide it, you could tell she was uncomfortable.
“i’m sorry...” she croaked, voice hoarse from her night full of crying. 
“i know you are.” 
natasha’s fingertips met the edges of her teeth, followed by the familiar sound of a snap. 
disgusting. natasha felt incredibly disgusting, which in turn made her own self-hatred rise to a level she’d never met before. because how could she? how could she sit here and make you suffer through her own self destruction? natasha knew she was causing you pain, a kind of pain you didn’t deserve.
“i wish you would talk to me and tell me what’s going on, nat. i can’t keep doing this with you and you know that.” you watched as she clenched her jaw, swallowing a breath as her leg bounced sporadically against the wooden floor. 
“i don’t deserve you. i don’t deserve you at all.” her eyes faltered.  
you bit your lip, not understanding where this was coming from. “what makes you say that?” 
“because it’s true.”
“there’s nothing true about that statement, natasha.”
“but there is!” she practically begged, “i’ve done so much wrong, damaged so many people, ruined so many lives. there’s nothing good about me, and there’s so much good in you.” 
you moved closer to her, words ready to fall from you lips about how wrong she was. noticing this, natasha began to trip and stumble upon her sentences as you enclosed your proximity. you frowned having not been used to seeing her in such distress. 
“it sucks because i love you. i love you so fucking much—” her lip began to quiver,  “—and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry that i still selfishly need you. just please, please don’t you give me up. please don’t give up. i’ll be better, i’ll do better.”
you didn’t bother listening to the rest of what natahsa was saying because just as you’d previously stated, none of it was true. there was nothing that natasha could say that would change your mind. you knew her as the person she is, not the person she was. 
“nat? nat look at me.” you tried. 
it was only then when natasha noticed how close you were. she tried to pull away, but you were quick to stop her by by a small, fragile grasp of the wrist. 
“natasha.” 
the redhead stopped midway through her movement, green eyes trailing from your hand all the way up to meet your own. 
“yes?” her voice cracked. 
“i would never consider giving up on you, natasha. ever. don’t you know? it’s only you, my girl. i love you — only you, babe.” 
“yes, but-”
“but nothing. your past doesn’t define you. that’s what you’ve told me hundreds and hundreds of times, right? i need you to hear me out on this.” her hum was the only response you got, but you chose not to fight it.
“you are not the finished product they made you to be.” although hesitant, she nodded. “you’re good, natasha, you are. i know you’ve spent the last decade it seems, trying to make up for all the wrong that you’ve done, but at some point you have to forgive yourself. you were never at fault. i know you know that, but i need you to believe it.” 
you leaned closer, connecting your forehead with hers knowing how intimate that felt for natasha. “i don’t want anyone else. i only want you— only you, darling.”
natasha nudged her nose against yours as if she was asking for permission to kiss you, but you let her take the lead, let her take the time she needed to before she pressed her lips against yours. 
 “i love you more than you will ever know.”
you giggled into the kiss, “you’re wrong about that, natty. you know you are.” she rolled her eyes, pulling away from you to push you on your back.  
“shut up and let me appreciate you.”
you smirked, looking up at the redhead. “oh yeah? and how are you going to do that?”
“you’ll see.” 
“oh i’m sure i will.”
“yeah. you will.” 
275 notes · View notes
baroquebucky · 4 years ago
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love
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a/n: hi hi !! here is another fic inspired by one of my fave bts songs <33 hope u all enjoy lmk what u think !! pls excuse any typos
bucky was cold and sad before you, now he is warm and happy, most of all, he’s in love
word count: 3k
masterlist
Bucky woke up from another nightmare, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. He let out a shaky breath, looking around his empty apartment. He got up and washed his face, looking at himself in the mirror before tearing his gaze away.
Bucky didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, busying himself until sunrise, when he left his apartment and walked to park nearby.
That’s where he met you.
You were playing fetch with your dog, nearly tumbling over every time he jumped on you to get the ball from your hand, laughing as he would sprint away from you, tongue sticking out.
Bucky smiled at the sight, wishing he had a let of his own. You caught him staring at your dog and smiled, saying a quick ‘hello!’ and calling for you dog to come back.
Bucky returned a smile, the path he was on leading him towards where you stood. Your dog bounded over to you, ball in mouth and dropping it at your feet.
“do you wanna pet him?” You smiled at bucky, your dog staring at him wearily as he stopped near you.
“uh- he doesn’t seem like a fan” Bucky chuckled and you shook your head, scratching behind your dogs ear.
“he’s just protective, his name is ace” you smiled, walking towards Bucky slowly, ace following suit and sniffing at Bucky’s boots.
Ace warmed up to bucky quickly, sitting at his feet and waiting for his payment of pats. Bucky smiled, crouching down to pet him, the dogs soft fur against his hand made him smile.
You smiled at the interaction, thinking of what to say next, you knew this was the Bucky Barnes and you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.
“I’m y/n” you spoke as Bucky got back up, putting his gloves back on quickly. He turned to face you, a charming smile on his face.
“I’m Bucky” he replied, blushing as he finally saw your face, and wow were you breathtaking.
Your eyes met and you both blushed, you struggled to find words to keep the conversation going, not wanting him to leave so soon.
Is this love?
“why are you up so early” you asked, throwing the ball so ace could chase after it, still full of energy.
He paused for a moment before answering, “just an early bird” he smiled, you nodded. “what about you?” he asked, standing next to you as ace came back, dropping the ball at his feet this time.
“i have to tire him out before i go to work, so i gotta wake up early” you smiled, yawning not long after. You blushed and mumbled a quick ‘sorry’ and Bucky smiled at you.
Ace pranced back, no longer wanting to run around and play, only wanted to get back to his cozy bed and lounge for the rest of the day.
“we should get going, this guy makes me carry him to the car and up the stairs if he’s too tired” you laughed, bucky smiled and said goodbye, giving ace a few final pats before saying goodbye to him too.
Sometimes i know, sometimes i don’t
Bucky thought about you and your four legged friend for the rest of the day, wondering if you had always been there when he went for walks, was he too caught up in his own mind to even realize?
Bucky felt the day go by fast, feeling lighter than he had been the day before, talking to his neighbors a bit more and feeling tired by the time the clock hit 12 am rather than the usual 3 am.
He woke up early the next day, another nightmare shaking him awake, checking the clock it read 5:54 am, the sun barely about to rise.
He got up, changing and washing his face, brushing his teeth and heading out the door in 30 minutes.
The sun was up as he walked to the park, keeping an eye out for you, and sure enough there you were, this time throwing a frisbee to entertain ace. You looked exhausted and bucky felt a pang in his chest, how long did you sleep?
Your gaze me Buckys and you smiled brightly, perking up a bit as he walked closer.
“good morning bucky!” You smiled, ace running towards him, his frisbee in his mouth as he jumped to greet the super soldier.
“good morning y/n, and good morning ace!” He smiled, putting on a higher pitched voice for the dog who wagged his tail happily, hitting the mans leg with the frisbee.
Bucky took the frisbee, throwing it so ace could chase after it, you both smiled at your dog, running as fast as he could to catch the disk.
“how’d you sleep?” You asked, noticing the bags under his eyes, he shrugged.
“as well as i usually do. You?” He asked, trying to mask his concern.
“it was okay, wish i could’ve gotten more though” you smiled rubbing your burning eyes before throwing the frisbee once more.
Bucky nodded in agreement, the two of you making small talk until you and ace left once again.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You asked, putting a leash on ace and walking with Bucky towards your car. Bucky smiled brightly, nodding his head.
“yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow” he replied, already looking forward to it.
You are the one who will give meaning to my memories
For two weeks you and bucky met up and played with ace at the park during early mornings, sometimes walking around the park and talking about your days and what you had to do. Neither one of you prying too much, just enjoying each other’s company.
Bucky reminisced on the memories with a fond smile as he told Steve about you.
“no yeah she’s great, her dog is really cute too” bucky spoke, giddy to see you on Monday.
“why don’t you ask her out then?” Steve questioned and bucky shook his head, not knowing how he would even approach the situation.
The following Monday you greeted bucky with a smile, ace bounding over to him in excitement.
As the two of you fell into routine, Steve’s words rung in his ears, deciding to take a leap of faith.
“would you- do you maybe wanna get dinner someday? together?” Bucky asked, a charming smile on his face as ace wagged his tail, looking up at you, almost as if saying ‘do it! say yes!’
“uh- yeah I’d love that” you smiled at bucky, both of you relieved that the you weren’t alone in wanting more time together.
Before i knew you my heart was filled with straight lines
Bucky was excited for your first date, putting on his best clothes and getting some flowers for you on the way, knocking on your door and heading aces familiar bark.
You opened the door, wearing a nice and casual outfit, letting Bucky in and thanking him for the flowers.
“I’m gonna just put these in water, feel free to sit down” you smiled, hurrying around to finish as quick as possible.
Bucky nodded, taking a seat on your couch and looking around, your home was so, homey. Ace smiling proudly as Bucky pet him.
“okay shall we?” You laughed and bucky smiled, saying goodbye to ace as you closed the door and headed out. Bucky offered you his arm and you gladly took it, walking down the stairs with your arms linked.
“ace makes you carry him all the way up these?” He asked in shock and you nodded, letting out a small chuckle.
“don’t let him fool you he is very evil” you teased, Bucky widened his eyes and nodded his head.
“note to self, never get on aces bad side” he smiled as you laughed, continuing to make easy conversation for the rest of the night.
Bucky found himself being nicer to Sam and the rest of the team, hanging out with them more and even cracking jokes.
“you don’t stare anymore” sam spoke, a smile on his face as steve turned to look at bucky.
“Hm, he doesn’t” steve smirked and bucky rolled his eyes.
“got tired of looking at your face is all” he snickered, making the two other men laugh, bucky took a sip from his beer.
“he’s seeing a girl y’know” steve whispered and bucky groaned as Sam cheered. Bucky couldn’t help but smile as he thought of you. It had only been a week since your first date and he already wanted to take you out again, despite having seen you this morning.
I’d like to be in your novel as a lover
Time passed and you and bucky got closer, going on more dates and texting each other during the day, even calling each other when one of you couldn’t sleep.
Bucky told you about his nightmares, telling you how he would always wake up, too afraid to go back to sleep so he would wait until sunrise and go for a walk.
You told him how you had trouble sleeping, sometimes your mind would just never stop, other times you just had too much work.
Within two months bucky has asked you out, a bouquet of roses for you and treats for ace, he has set up a picnic for you during the sunset, getting your favorite foods and talking the entire evening, finally asking you out when the moon had risen.
I’m just a human, you erode all my edges and turn me into love
You made bucky a better person, teaching him his self worth and to be proud of who he was.
“Bucky wake up, angel it’s just a nightmare” you shook him gently, ace watching from the foot of the bed.
Bucky shot up quickly, breathing heavily as you placed a hand on his back, pulling him into you after he has calmed down.
“you’re here, you’re with me you’re okay” you assured him, wrapping him in your arms and holding him tightly.
“it was bad, i was bad” he mumbled, tears falling down his face.
“you aren’t him. you are good, you are human baby, you’re my love” he squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on your steady heartbeat as you ran your fingers through his hair, his arm draping over your stomach as he slowly fell back to sleep.
Buckys nightmares became more scarce, he became happier and less cold, embracing who he was.
He was also helplessly in love with you, constantly buying you flowers, taking you out on dates, taking care of you when he could, writing you letters, and so much more.
You make live to a love
After coming into his life you made bucky a better person, you made him into the person he always wanted to be.
Bucky no longer walked with his head down, rather he walked with a set gaze, giving a kind smile to strangers on the street and helping those in need, helping the others his friends when they needed him and even volunteering at the local animal shelter when he could.
Because of you i know why a person should live by love
Before you bucky would punch his way out of all his fights, he would be hot headed and angry if he got into an argument with someone on the team.
Now he was understanding and patient, listening to what the other had to say and looking to reason with them, taking time to communicate. Bucky was sympathetic, not wanting to fight every villain they came across, instead trying to reason with them. Between him and Sam, usually they didn’t even have to fight.
I live so i love
“angel? I’m home!” You called out, ace greeting you at the door, smiling at the freshly cooked dinner on the dining table, it was your favorite.
“Happy one year doll” Bucky smiled as you turned around, hugging him tightly and kissing him all over his face.
“buck i don’t know what to say” you smiled, still in awe of all he had done.
“don’t say anything, just go get changed and let’s enjoy our night yeah?” He replied, kissing you once more before letting you go.
You were thankful he opted for a night in, exhausted from work and wanting only to be in your lovers arms. And you did exactly that, spending the night dancing in your living room, laughing at his bad jokes and sharing stories.
“okay best pick up line go” you smiled, excited to see what he would say.
“not really a pick up line but” Bucky paused, looking you in the eyes. “It’s a long way from I to U, fuck JKLMNOPQRST, i crossed all the letters and i reached you” he smirked, loving the way your heart raced at his words.
“now i know why you were such a ladies man in the 40s” you whispered, crashing his lips onto yours.
If i go would you be sad?
“God james cant you just shut up and listen to me for one second!” You stated, voice raising out of frustration.
“well maybe if you could get it through your stubborn head that it wasn’t my fault maybe I’d stop having to explain” Bucky spoke angry, his voice steady as he clenched his jaw.
You were upset he had kept you in the dark about an ongoing mission, he was upset you didn’t realize he had done it to keep you safe.
“you keep saying you did it to keep me safe, James i was almost killed because i didn’t know! How is that keeping me safe?” You spoke, anger boiling over as you sat on the couch, wanting to just sleep.
“if i had told you, you would have never let me be as protective as i have been! You wouldn’t have taken your vacation days because you’re too stubborn” Bucky spoke, still standing across from you.
“I just need some time to think” you spoke softly, Bucky’s heart fell. We’re you gonna leave him?
“I’ll go” Bucky mumbled, already moving to pack a bag.
“bucky stop” you spoke, making him stop in his tracks. “sit down i don’t want you to leave, let’s talk about it angel” you sighed, wanting to just work it out and be in his arms once more.
You’re my love
Bucky was excited, everything had been planned perfectly. He had woken up at 4 am, getting everything ready for the following morning.
He had driven to the park with Sam and Steve who helped him set up the picnic, a blanket laid out with fruits and drinks along with dog toys to play with ace.
It had been nearly 4 years since the two of you had met, he knew you were the one for him.
As the sun rose you woke up, getting ready to take ace out with Bucky, only to find the two of them gone.
Just as you finished getting ready bucky walked in, a smile on his face.
“goodmorning doll, let’s get going yeah? already got ace in the car” he smiled and you thanked him, heading out the door and to the park.
when you arrived you immediately saw the picnic.
“buck what-” you began and he cut you off.
“just because” he smiled and you smiled, sure he always took you on dates but this was different, it felt more intimate.
As the two of you sat on the blanket and munched on food ace ate some treats bucky had gotten him, excited to play in a couple of minutes.
“I taught him a new trick” Bucky smiled and you raised your eyebrows, sitting up straighter to see ace perform said trick.
“let’s see what you got Barnes” you smirked and he smiled.
“ace go fetch!” Bucky spoke, ace ran from the blanket in a straight line.
“haha bucky, we both know he already knew that, plus you didn’t even throw-” you cut yourself off as you saw ace pick something up, running back towards the two of you. Bucky stood up, offering you a hand so you could get up.
“y/n, i love you, you taught me what love is, you made me into a better person, from the moment we met i always felt like we were meant to be.” Bucky spoke, glancing over to see ace closer to the two of you, a little over halfway back.
“you’re my person, my desire, my pride, my one and only love” Bucky spoke, crouching down and taking the small box from aces mouth, letting him and giving him more treats.
Bucky got on one knee, opening the box and looking at you with bright eyes. Your vision was blurry, but unlike four years ago, it wasn’t from sleep, but from tears.
“y/n, doll, will you marry me?”
You nodded your head quickly, wiping away your tears and smiling brightly.
“yes, of course yes angel” you replied, wrapping your arms around him as he picking you up and spun you around, setting you down and kiss you, making your knees weak.
He slipped the ring on your finger with a smile, ace barking as the two of you kissed once more, pulling away with a smile.
“that has to be his best trick” you joked, petting ace and kissing the top of his head.
“now i gotta train him to be the ring bearer for the wedding” Bucky laughed and you nodded, squinting your eyes as you saw Sam and Steve running in the distance.
“is that-?” You questioned and bucky laughed, the two men cheering as they saw you and bucky cuddled up.
“she said yes!” Bucky called out and the two men cheered, arriving out of breath.
“thank god, he woke us up at like 3 am to get everything ready” sam spoke and Steve nodded, giving the two of you a hug, Sam quickly following suit.
“I’m happy for you guys” Sam spoke, Steve nodding along side him, squeezing Buckys arm before they left the two of you alone.
You smiled as you looked up at the sky, pinks and reds painting the clouds. You turned to tell bucky, but decided against it when you saw him on the floor playing with ace, voice high pitched as he baby talked him.
Your heart melted, you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of you life with your two favorite boys.
467 notes · View notes
watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago
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Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 2)
i quite liked this story and thought it totally had potential for more, so i’ve cooked up a part 2, continuing the idea. i have no clear plan with this, just enjoyed taking the story further, but i might turn it into a proper series if you guys are enjoying the concept!
pairing:  Harry x actress!reader
word count: ~3.2k
SERIES MASTERPOST
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The car comes to a halt and you look up from your phone after being so occupied with texts you’ve been ignoring all afternoon.
“We’ve arrived, Miss,” The driver, Lawrence informs you in his usual, polite manner, looking at you through the mirror.
“Oh, thank you so much,” you breathe out grabbing your purse from the seat next to you. “I don’t think I’ll take too long, I’m not really in the mood to party,” you let him know, quickly running your hand through your hair before getting out, already knowing paparazzi is waiting for all guests at the entrance probably.
“Had a long day?” he asks with a soft smile.
“Kind of,” you sigh nodding. “I’ll text you when I’ll feel like heading home soon, alright?”
“Perfect. Have a great night, Miss,” Lawrence nods.
“Thank you,” you nod at him before opening the door and getting out of the car. Strategically, Lawrence stopped just a few buildings away from the club, so you wouldn’t be attacked right away, emerging from the car. This gives you enough time to fix your dress and avoid your private parts to end up on the tabloids. Not something you want to include in your career, if you’re being honest.
Shutting the door closed you head towards the club that has quite a long line of people waiting outside, though you have no idea why. If they are not on the list, there’s no way they’ll get inside, it’s a private party.
As you approach the entrance, people start to recognize you quite quickly and you hear your name coming from all direction, but you just flash a smile in their way, continuing to walk with the intention of getting inside as fast as possible.
Just as you expected, paparazzi are already waiting at the entrance and they start flashing their cameras in your way right away, throwing all kinds of questions at you that are left completely ignored.
The bouncer checks your name on the list and lets you inside without a fuss and you’re happy to leave the madness behind and mingle in the crowd of familiar faces.
Tonight is the celebration of the birthday of a good friend, a quite old friend of yours. Florence and you met quite some years ago, when both of you were only trying your luck in the industry, working hard to make yourselves a name. Now you are both are in the inner circle of Hollywood, piling iconic roles on your resumes together. So much has changed, people keep coming and going in your life, but the two of you managed to stay close and keep each other grounded when it was needed.
You keep saying hello to the people you know as you make your way through the guests, hugging a few guests, asking if they have seen Florence and they all point towards the bar. Unsurprisingly, you find the birthday girl right there, with a group of people circling around her as the bartender places a row of shots to the counter and her eyes light up at the sight of all the alcohol.
“Not even surprised you are already plastered,” you grin at her and she squeals upon seeing you join the little circle. Throwing her arms around you she jumps at you mumbling her greeting.
“I’m so happy you’re here!” she breathes out, clearly over a few drinks at this point. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages!”
“It happens when we are both working on a movie at the same time, in different cities,” you chuckle giving her a look.
This past month has been rather busy, you were in Atlanta finishing up filming your latest movie while Florence was in Palm Springs, working on Don’t Worry Darling, she barely made it back to the city to her own birthday party, apparently they wrapped filming just two days ago so it was a close call.
“You have to take a shot with me!” she urges, already grabbing two shots from the bar and handing you one of them, not even waiting for your answer.
“Cheers to the birthday girl!” you hold your glass up after everyone else grabbed a shot, everyone around wishes her a happy birthday again before sending down the alcohol.
You can’t help the grimace that pulls on your face as the liquor burns down your throat. It’s been a while since the last time you had anything other than a few glasses of wine, it’ll take some time to get used to the stomach churning taste.
As the host of the party and the birthday girl, Florence’s presence is in high demand, so you don’t get to spend too much time with her, but you don’t blame her. Ordering a longer drink for you, sticking with some tequila based cocktail as you mingle in the crowd of guests.
Luckily, there are quite a lot familiar faces and you don’t have to linger around the club on your own. You move to a booth at the side with Sydney, a producer you and Florence both worked together previously. She is pretty new in the world of films, but she surely is a talent and you can’t wait for everyone to realize what a blessing she and her art is. You’re joined by her girlfriend, Emma and the three of you are deep in conversation, sharing the funniest stories that happened to you lately and surprisingly, you are genuinely having a good time. You really weren’t in the mood for a party after such a long and frustrating day, having scrunched in three auditions to one day because your manager messed the dates up. When you finished with the third ones, you wanted nothing else than to just sink into a nice bath, have a glass of wine and go to bed early, making your friends’ point of you being a grandma quite valid. However you didn’t have the heart to cancel on Florence, but now that you’ve had some alcohol buzzing in your system and some good company, you don’t regret coming at all.
Once you get to the end of your drink you head back to the bar to have another one, not feeling like leaving just yet. Pushing your way through the people, some keep saying hi to you and you greet everyone back with an instinct, even if you don’t know them. Something you’ve grown to do over your years being in the spotlight.
Standing in line, just like everyone else, you patiently wait to get to the front, when you feel someone bump against you from behind.
“Excuse me—Oh! If it isn’t my favorite Never Have I Ever game partner!”
Your eyes are met with a pair of green ones and a dimpled smile, you can’t help but chuckle as you turn to greet Harry.
“Hi there! Long time no see!” you smile as he pulls you into a side-hug and stands with you in the line.
“You know, maybe you would’ve seen me earlier if you actually gave me your number,” he comments with a sly smile and you have nothing to defend yourself with, he is completely right.
That day the two of you met on The Ellen Show you were actually planning to give him your number, but once your part of the filming ended your manager called you about something urgent and you couldn’t wait for him to finish as well, leaving the studio without ever giving him the chance to even ask for your number. You felt guilty and a little disappointed, but thought your paths would sooner or later cross somehow and it seems like you were right.
“I’m sorry about that. I had some papers to sign before the office closed, I had to leave,” you apologize truthfully and he nods understanding.
“S’alright. I was a little bummed, but I get it.”
“So what are you doing here?” you ask, moving forward in the line, getting closer to the front. Harry gives you a quick look that you can’t quite read before answering.
“I uhh—Florence and I filmed together last month.”
That’s when it clicks. She told you and you read about it, but you tend to forget these kind of things, not having enough capacity to keep everything in mind, only restricting it to the most important stuff.
“Oh, right! Yeah, sorry. Totally slipped my mind. Sorry, I sounded like I live under a rock,” you awkwardly chuckle, feeling a little ashamed that you didn’t remember, when Florence even mentioned it herself before she travelled to Palm Springs, but you were running on caffeine and protein bars between takes, it’s a luck you didn’t even forget your own name after those busy weeks.
“No, s’alright. Nice to know not everyone is drowning in the content that’s been put out of me lately,” he chuckles lowly. “You look lovely, by the way,” he nods at you, eyes running down your body quickly, before they return to your gaze.
“Oh, thank you,” you breathe out looking down at yourself, as if you forgot what you were wearing. It’s a little, black Gucci dress, quite vintage with some embroidered floral patterns along the slightly daring neckline. “It’s Gucci,” you tell him with a knowing smirk.
“Oh!”
“Know you are obsessed with it,” you add with a chuckle, seemingly surprising him with your knowledge about him.
“Someone did some research about me then?”
“I’ll admit, I might have searched your name one of those nights after I had a nice glass of wine.”
“And what else did you find out about me?” he arches an eyebrow at you, making your cheeks heating up. You shouldn’t have admitted that you searched him, he’ll think you’re some kind of stalker, which you are not, you just like to catch up on things sometimes. Though you are clearly a fan of his music and you know about his career vaguely, you haven’t been keeping an eye on him that closely lately, only because you didn’t have the time. However after meeting him at the taping, he was stuck on your mind for days before you gave in and checked out what he’s been up to lately and went through some in-depth articles about him from the past years, closing the line with his latest Vogue issue.
“Nothing shocking,” you simply answer and luckily, you are next up at the bar. You ask for another cocktail and Harry chimes in, adding a beer to the order.
“I hope you know I won’t let you leave until you give me your number this time,” he smirks at you cheekily, making you chuckle.
“I never said I would give it to you.” Wanting to play a little you shrug innocently, earning a stunned look.
“Making me work for it? Alright,” he nods, trying his best to hold his grin back.
The bartender comes back with the drinks and Harry is quick to whip his card out and pay for yours as well. You’re not surprised when he follows you back to the booth to Sydney and Emma. They both greet you with bright smiles upon arriving with Harry.
“This is Sydney and Emma. Syd and I worked together a while ago. Ladies, this is—“ You start the introduction, but Sydney cuts you off quickly.
“Harry Styles. You don’t have to introduce him to us,” she chuckles shaking hand with the fourth guest at the table. “I was a big One Direction fan,” she adds with a chuckle and that’s a new information. As a former fan girl, she is holding herself quite alright in the presence of her idol.
“Oh, nice!” Harry beams, genuinely looking delighted at the information.
“Her playlists have at least one One Direction song on them still this day,” Emma laughs shaking her head, while Syd just shrugs innocently.
The four of you are quick to engage in a conversation about music, mostly about what you listened to when you were teenagers and you are having some laughs at the odd taste you all used to have.
“I think my most played song was Crazy by Britney Spears. I was obsessed with that song,” you admit and Emma groans throwing her hands in the air.
“I loved that song! Even learned the choreography!” she shares, making everyone laugh around the table.
“I bet you did too,” Harry grins in your way over his half empty beer.
“Totally did not,” you scoff with a pretentious grimace that makes it clear that you in fact did.
“I would give an arm to see you dance to that song,” he sighs with an amused grin and you just chuckle, taking another sip from your drink.
At one point Florence joins the booth, buzzing from all the birthday shots she’s been constantly taking, but making sure you all are having a good time.
“I see you guys met again!” she beams looking at you and Harry sitting next to each other. “Y/N, wanna hear something funny?” she smirks at you with glistening eyes.
“Always,” you chuckle softly.
“Once on set, I caught Harry stalking your Instagram.” The man in talk almost chokes on his beer as Florence starts laughing, clearly enjoying how she just busted her co-star, but you are having a blast at how nervous her comment got him and you find the story quite flattering.
“Flo, I think you had enough to drink,” Harry tells her, urging her to leave the booth, but she is way too caught up in getting him into trouble.
“Are you ashamed she now knows you were checking out her sexy photos for that perfume campaign she did last year?” she continues, giving away even more details. Your eyebrows run up as you look at Harry, who is desperately trying to avoid your burning gaze.
“Oh, so you’re a fond of my pictures?” you tease him, his cheeks turning redder with each passing moment.
“I mean… You looked really good.”
“And quite half naked, only covering myself with a huge perfume bottle,” you add chuckling, enjoying it probably a little too much than you should, but Harry has been so confident, flirting with you, it’s funny to see him so flustered all of a sudden.
Harry lets out a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his neck while Florence taps his shoulder, saying something that sounded like ‘good luck, man’ before she moves over to the next group of people.
“I wasn’t stalking, your profile just popped up and—“
“Harry,” you stop him with a chuckle. “It’s fine, I was just messing with you.”
“Way to make me a wreck, Y/N,” he shoots you a narrow-eyed look, but you can see the smirk pulling on his lips.
“If it makes you feel better I checked your profile a few times too,” you admit and once again, he seems surprised.
“It does make me feel better,” he nods, his sly smirk growing wider with each passing moment he spends staring at you.
Though you’ve been enjoying the night so far you are running low on energy, so when you see it’s already past midnight you send a text to Lawrence letting him know you are planning to leave soon.
Luckily, Florence is at one of the booths near yours, so you excuse yourself from your table, walking over to her to say your goodbye.
“Leaving already?” she pouts, returning your hug.
“I’ve had a long day, I wouldn’t want to be the grumpy guest to ruin others’ night,” you tell her with an apologetic smile and she nods understanding.
“I’m happy I saw you. We need to do something sometime soon!”
“Sure thing. I’ll have a looser schedule in the upcoming months. Call me whenever you are around and free,” you tell her kissing her cheek and giving her hand a soft squeeze. “Happy birthday once more.” “Thank you babe!” she cheers as you let go of each other.
Walking back to your booth you say goodbye to Sydney and Emma, making the same promise to meet up with them sometime soon. When you turn to Harry he is already up on his feet and offers to walk you out.
“Just to the exit. There are a shit ton of paparazzi outside,” you tell him and he nods, placing a hand to your lower back, ushering you through the crowd. The two of you stop near the exit since Lawrence hasn’t replied to you that he has arrived and you definitely don’t want to wait outside.
“So, are you gonna leave without giving me your number this time as well?” he asks tilting his head to the side as he hides his hands in his pockets lazily.
“Maybe I’m just trying to see if fate is gonna throw you in my way again,” you tease him, but reach for your phone in your purse. “Send yourself a text,” you tell him handing him the device.
He doesn’t try to hide the satisfied grin as he types his number in and sends a quick text to himself so he has your number. Handing it back you just take it and check if Lawrence has texted you. Right at that moment the screen lights up with a short ‘I’ve arrived, Miss’ text and you slide the phone back into your purse.
“Well, it’s been nice seeing you again, Harry,” you say your goodbye and stepping closer you engage in a short, but tight hug.
“You too, Y/N,” he smiles down at you. “Never have I ever had the number of an Emmy nominated actress’ number,” he smirks making you laugh.
“Drink up, Styles,” you tell him cheekily before you walk away, out of the club.
Lawrence is parked right in front of the building and you try to shield your vision from all the flashes as you get into the back seat as fast as possible.
“Hello, Lawrence!” you greet the man in a very delighted mood and he senses the change in you.
“Had a great evening, Miss?” he asks as he leaves from the club and heads to your apartment’s building.
“I did,” you nod biting into your bottom lip. Reaching into your purse you pull your phone out to check the text Harry sent himself.
You can’t help the chuckle that leaves your mouth when you see the short message he sent to his contact that he just saved under Harry S.
“I promise I won’t ghost you.” That’s what the text reads and as you are looking at the conversation you see the bubble popping up that signals that he is typing right now.
“So nice of you. Please keep that promise!” His text appears on the screen and you chuckle under your breath.
“Cheeky.” You write back.
“Maybe, but now I have evidence. Don’t even try to put me on your ghosted list!”
“Will think about it…” you write back with a sly smile before you lock the phone and put it away, letting your head rest against the back of the seat, eyes closing as you can’t wipe the smile off your face.
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demigodreading · 3 years ago
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Saving Mini Benson Pt:1
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Request: From @youngjusticeimaginesus​:  Hi, I was wondering If maybe you'd be willing to do a oneshot where Olivia's daughter gets kidnapped by Lewis instead of Olivia?
Summary: That’s right my favorite peoples... This is going to be a two part mini series because there was no way everything that I needed to say could be done in a one-shot! I won’t go into much because I don’t want to give it away but please note THIS PART IS A DOOZY! The next one may be worse but still this arc made me cry in the show and I cried writing this
Characters: Olivia Benson, Fin Tutuola, Amanda Rollins, Nick Amaro, William Lewis, Donald Cragen, Reader
Relationships: Olivia Benson x Daughter! Reader
Warnings: MAJOR Violence, Guns, Cigarette Burns, Episode Spoilers, Alcohol, Smoking Weed, Mentions of Shootings, Death, William Lewis, Mentions of torture... (I Think that covers it but if it doesn’t please let me know)
Word Count: 2320 (Like I said.. there was no way this was gonna be just a oneshot.)
And with that all being said: Let’s jump into it.
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Olivia and her daughter rarely fought but when they did neither one wanted to admit the other one was right. Olivia loved and hated her daughter for being so similar to her. Even now as she watched the miniature version of herself stalk the interview room the exact same way she would send her heart racing. Usually the similarities would result in a smile but not today. Today Olivia’s vision was a deep red as she confronted her daughter.
“Y/N you were caught smoking weed underneath the bleachers during class! So not only did you break one rule you broke two!” Olivia shouted, folding her arms.
“Wow glad that you know how to count,” Y/N mumbled looking out the window.
“What did you just say to me?”
“Look mom I just don’t get what the big deal is? It was one joint. One class!” Y/N retorted, throwing her hands up, “I am a straight A student who has a full ride scholarship to Harvard.”
“Yes, because Barba stuck his neck out on the line for you and put in a glowing recommendation,” Olivia spat, “What you did was careless. You could have ruined everything that was given to you.”
“You know for once in your life could you ever be fucking proud of me! I do everything that I can do to make you proud and yet at the end of the day I am never fucking good enough for you.”
“That’s not…” Olivia went to argue but was interrupted by Cragen opening the door.
“Olivia we got a problem. I need you right now,” He said, then shut the door without waiting for an answer.
“Just go save another poor unfortunate soul mom. Don’t worry about your daughter.  I’ll pick up my own pieces like I always do,” Y/N said, wiping tears from her face as she grabbed her coat.
Y/N stormed from the room before Olivia could stop her. She made her way through the precinct eyes trained to the floor as her mother’s voice rang out, “You better head straight home Y/N!  We are not done having this conversation and you are grounded!”
Choosing not to say anything, Y/N merely raised her hand in the air flipping her mother off before the doors shut with a loud slam behind her. Tears made dark spots on the concrete as Y/N made her way back to their apartment. Even the noises of the constant car honks and people screaming couldn’t drown out the voices in her head today. Failure. Waste of space. Stupid. No one. Unwanted. Unloved. 
It was the repeated song that kept her feet moving forward until she finally placed her key in the lock. She threw her bag by the kitchen island and threw her keys on the counter. She was about to turn on the living room light when a noise caught her attention. 
“Hello? Hello?”
As she turned the corner her vision was filled with the sight of a gun pointed right at her temple. A smirk crossed William Lewis’ face as he looked at Y/N, “Ah welcome home Little Benson. I was hoping that it would be your mother who was walking through the door but I guess you will have to do.”
Y/N went to scream but instead Lewis jammed the gun against her throat, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. One small slip of my finger and your mom will be left with a new kind of art all over her walls.”
Y/N let a single tear roll down her face before Lewis’ gun made contact with her skull and the whole world went black.
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Olivia had already tried to call Y/N twice but it kept going straight to voicemail. The last known location had been their apartment so at least she had the sense to head straight home. The guilt in Olivia’s stomach was insurmountable. Watching her daughter explain that she never felt like she lived up to her standards. Olivia had promised herself when she had Y/N she would never end up like her mother. Yet there she was shaming her child for one mistake. Y/N was more than just a good kid, she was excellent. She was smart, beautiful, humorous, kind, and so much more. She was everything Olivia could have ever hoped for. Knowing that her daughter thought she wasn’t proud was the worst pain she could have.
After the third call Olivia finally decided to leave a voicemail, “Y/N I know you are mad but I need you to know something. I am proud of you and will always be proud of you. You are the best daughter and the most amazing human. I was rough on you early. Please let’s talk through this. I’ll be home soon with your favorite Chinese. Just don’t do anything stupid? I love you.”
When she hung up the phone she placed her head in her hands and let out a large sigh. Fin placed a reassuring hand on her back, “Liv, it is going to be okay. She is just being a teenager.”
“No Fin, you should have seen her. It was like I was physically taking her heart out and ripping it in front of her. I should have never said those things. I didn’t mean any of them… I was just upset.”
“She knows, they always know.”
Olivia merely shook her head and began to gather her things to head home. She walked out of the precinct without a goodbye and headed down the street to Y/N’s favorite Chinese place. They knew what she was going to order as soon as she walked in the door asking where Y/N was. Liv pushed off their question and scrolled through her phone as she waited for the food. Y/N’s phone was still off giving Olivia an eerie feeling as she finished the walk to the apartment. 
Once inside she noticed Y/N’s bag on the floor and her keys on the counter. There was a sudden rush of cold air that made her notice the window that was open to the fire escape. She shut it quickly and then moved to Y/N’s room. The door was still open with everything the way she had left it that morning. Once her calls were unanswered Olivia opened the window again crawling onto the fire escape. Sometimes Y/N would go to the roof to watch the sun slowly crawl behind the buildings.When she reached the top however she was met with an unsettling emptiness. 
Olivia reached for her phone to call the only person who was able to calm her anxiety lately, “Amaro, Y/N isn’t here. I can’t find her. What if something happened to her?”
“She probably just went to a friend’s house to get away,” Amaro replied stirring the contents of his drink, “She will be back in the morning just to relax. Sleep off the anger and come back with a clear head tomorrow.”
Liv pondered this suggestion over and over deciding what she should do. When the silence became too long Amaro interjected again, “Liv, I’m serious. You two had the biggest blow out that I have seen in awhile. Give her time to be mad at you and think. If you smother her she might only push further away from you.” She thanked her partner for the advice and then shoved her phone back in her pocket taking a sweep of the roof once again. Finally she slowly made her way back to the apartment shutting the window with a slam before locking it. Olivia wandered over to the kitchen moving the cereal that covered the top of the fridge to get to her secret cupboard. From the opening she pulled a large bottle of her favorite red wine. She popped the cork and decided to forgo a cup taking a long swig directly from the green glass. A large sigh escaped her lips as she plopped down on the couch going over the events of the day in her head.
As the contents of the bottle slowly drained till there was nothing else Olivia realized her fears were all coming true. She was becoming her mother. A woman she never once wanted to be. Three empty bottles later she finally curled under Y/N’s sheets crying into her pillow until she finally was able to fall asleep.
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The next morning when Y/N did not return and her phone was still shut down all bets were off. Olivia was furious but more importantly she was terrified. Something was horribly wrong. Her morning was spent talking to Y/N’s two best friends and searching their houses for her. When that search was unsuccessful Olivia went to the school hoping Y/N had gone there. However, she had been absent all day and there hadn’t even been a call to excuse her from the day. 
When the morning bled into the afternoon Olivia was running around the city to all of Y/N’s usual hangout spots. The search of the library told her that Y/N hadn’t been there in over a week. The local bakery hadn’t seen her in three days. The coffee shop where Y/N always bought Olivia’s coffee when she came to see her at work had seen her two mornings ago but nothing since then. Even the old lady that had Y/N over twice a week to help her with errands and chores around the house hadn’t seen her. 
It was dark by the time that Olivia fell into her desk chair at the precinct. With her head in her hands she let the tears fall. A whole day was gone and there was still no sign of her daughter. If she had been kidnapped they were running out of time and losing it quickly. The longer she was out there the longer the person had to get away with whatever they wanted.
The squad huddled around in Cragen’s office looking at Olivia curled over her desk. Rollins was the first one to speak, “I bet you Lewis has something to do with this.”
“And what makes you think that?” Amaro asked, “There are plenty of people who could have a vendetta against Liv.”
“It’s just a feeling.”
“Yeah well have you ever considered the idea that maybe Y/N just ran away,” Amaro retorted.
Fin, Cragen, and Amanda all turned towards Amaro, shocked. Cragen was the first one to speak, “I know you haven’t been here long Amaro but this isn’t Y/N. Something is horribly wrong and we are going to figure out what is going on. Fin and Amanda go check out Lewis’ usual hiding spots. I’ll take Liv through her apartment once again to see if we missed anything.”
“And me cap?”
“Amaro… you stay here and set up a tip line,” Cragen responded curtly and then they all disappeared to find where Y/N had disappeared to.
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Y/N woke with a jolt as she felt cold water splash her face. She was met with Lewis staring only a couple inches away from her face. He grinned and grabbed Y/N’s chin as she tried to look away, “Well well there. Looks like someone is finally awake. Feeling thirsty?”
Y/N nodded her head yes waiting to scream as he curled his fingers around the edge of the duct tape. As he was about to pull it away he jammed a gun against Y/N’s throat, “Make any noise and I will shove this gun straight down your throat.”
Finally when he pulled the tape away Y/N spit right in his face, “Just shoot me already if you are going to threaten me with it.”
“And miss out on all of our fun Mini Benson. I think not. There is plenty that I want to do to you before then.”
Y/N began to panic as Lewis lit another cigarette. She remembered the way the others had burned against her chest and sides. She had lost count after twenty perfect circle burns and after the second pistol whip to the face she had passed out a second time, She couldn’t go through all of that again.
“My mom knows I am missing and she will be out looking for me. Just let me go and she will never have to know that you did it. Please,” YN begged.
“What is she going to think about that bruise on your face? Or the marks on your skin? I can’t let you go… plus I know that you both fought before you came home. I bet you that she thinks you just ran away and are leaving her,” Lewis chuckled.
“How.. how did you know that we fought?
“This lovely voicemail your mother left you,” Lewis said, placing your phone against your ear.
Tears began to run down Y/N’s face as she heard the apology her mother had sent her. Damnit! Why did I have to fight with her? We could have avoided all of this. Is the mantra that ran through her head as Lewis slammed the phone against her head and threw it at the wall.
“She isn’t coming for you,” Lewis snickered.
“Please… just let me go. I will do anything.”
Lewis pulled his gun and placed it against Y/N’s scalp, “You are still bargaining with me? Really. We are way past that baby.”
“I am the daughter of an NYPD detective. A decorated well known detective. My mother, her partner, her squad, the entire department will hunt you down. You think that you’ve put people through hell. It will rain back down on you.”
“You know what… let it rain,” Lewis said and then hit Y/N once again making her world go black for a third time. 
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