#so i ve felt really awkward at the last few get togethers

[grey-tones]

Need to find someone to play minecraft with me over vc and just get up to stupid shenanigans

[mysweetgeo]

Mistletoe

Christmas Prompt: “So, you’ve never been kissed under mistletoe?” “Actually, I’ve never been kissed at all.”

Summary: John and George spend their first Christmas together as band mates.

Warnings: Kissing !!! But that’s about it :)

Happy Christmas everyone !!

1958

Christmas time in Liverpool felt very different to John now.

He’d never really had a family to spend the holidays with, besides Mimi and his Uncle George.

Now was different, Paul and George had both insisted on doing something together for the holidays, which led their group to holding a ‘Secret Santa’ of sorts.

They’d all essentially gotten each other a bottle of liquor, except for George who still couldn’t pass for 16, let alone 18.

He was far too embarrassed to give John his gift in front of the other lads, so he waited until the others had bid their goodbyes, faces flushed due to the alcohol.

“So, what’d ye get me, Georgie?” John asked, his body hot from not just the alcohol but the close proximity between them.

George’s face heated up as he looked up at John, “It’s really nothing special, Johnny, I couldn’t afford much but I really tried—“ George started blabbering before John cut him off.

“I won’t pick on ye, George, anything you’ve gotten me is nice,” John tries his hand at a line he’s seen Paul use on birds before, he knows they’re not necessarily the same, but it’s still meant to be a romantic gesture.

George looks down at the small box in his thin fingers before handing it to John, his hands shaking as he does.

It’s quiet while he opens the gift, his eyes meeting George just before he opens the box.

When he opens it, his heart feels as though its in his throat.

George has gone through the trouble of getting him a guitar pick, a very nice one that John had been eyeing the last time they’d been in the music shop in London together.

“I know it’s not much, but I saw you were eyeing it a few weeks ago,” George’s voice fades as he stops talking, knowing his words are making the moment more awkward.

“Oh, George. I love it, thank you. Really,” John looks down to George and runs a hand through his hair.

Knowing that George went through the trouble of getting John a guitar pick he’d wanted meant much more than any bottle of liquor could ever mean to him.

George’s face lit up as John praises him, pleased with the words leaving the older boy’s lips.

John is quiet for a moment before he looks up at the ceiling, seeing a single branch of mistletoe hanging perfectly above him, taunting him. Knowing he can’t have that with the boy who is sitting just an inch away.

“Mistletoe, y’know what that means, don’tcha, Johnny,” George half-teases.

“I bet you’ve never been kissed under mistletoe, have ye?” John dares to ask, the alcohol he’d drank earlier burning through his veins.

“Actually,” George pauses for a moment, his cheeks flushing before he looks away from John, “I’ve never been kissed at all.”

John’s mouth goes dry at his admission, suddenly he craves to show George exactly what he’s missing out on. To care for him in a way he knows no one ever has.

John bites his lip as he thinks on how he should respond. He knows he doesn’t want to scare George away, he knows he can’t pick fun at his young companion.

It’s quiet for quite a few minutes before George ends the silence, “I’m sorry that was a lot for me to have said, I’m sorry—“

John interrupts George once again, “Would you like to be?” He asks, his heart beating so loud he’s almost positive that George can be able to hear it.

“I���What?” George asks, looking up to meet John’s eyes, his mouth dropped open.

John almost rolls his eyes, “Would you like to be, y’know, kissed.”

George’s face turns a bright red, “Well yeah, but I don’t see any birds around here besides yer Aunt Mimi, and no offense but I’m not into older ladies,” George says with an almost laugh.

“I didn’t mean with a bird. I mean with me,” John says in a quiet voice.

George’s eyes are wide and doe-like as he stares up at John, “Well—I—Uhm,” he stutters, suddenly feeling very warm, and his trousers suddenly feeling very tight.

John snaps into reality, blinking harshly before speaking again, “I’m sorry—that was out of line we don’t—you don’t—nevermi—“

It’s George’s turn to interrupt John, this time it’s with his lips planted firmly on John’s as he nearly tackles him onto the couch, their lips moving against each other’s in a feverish haze.

As unexpected as it is, John can’t find that he’s displeased with the result.

George’s plump lips feel so right against his thin ones, and as George’s tongue pokes out of his own mouth and attempts to make entrance into John’s, he can’t seem to find a reason why he’s kept these thoughts to himself all this time.

[hello-everyfandom]

“I didn’t know you were one for romance novels.”

Warnings: Mentions of death and war

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader

Words: 1k

Summary: Draco Malfoy finds solace in a kind soul.

(Another little fluff piece for you all!)

After the war, Draco Malfoy was afraid. He was more afraid than he could possibly say. Regret settle deep in his stomach and into his psyche as he cursed himself for even joining the Death Eaters. He was ashamed of himself and his family. That embarrassment didn’t disappear even when Draco broke free from his parent’s grasp to throw Potter’s wand at him, something later Harry would begrudgingly thank him for. Draco Malfoy roamed the streets, terrified of seeing any of his old classmates. They hated him, they had to, he was part of the reason their families and siblings were dead. As his parents were taken into the ministry and tried for their involvement and operations with the Dark Lord, Draco was alone. Alone in Malfoy Manor, alone in his head, and alone for what felt like forever. Until he met you.Draco Malfoy, three years after the war had ended and the Wizarding World had just begun to become fully functional again, he walked into a coffee shop. A muggle one, somewhere hidden in the cobble walls of London. He sat down, ordered himself a cup of tea, and looked down at his ring clad fingers. He felt anxious and kept his head down despite being in a muggle coffee shop, he was scared of being recognized. 

Draco Malfoy hadn’t felt human contact in years, the last he had felt was his Mother’s grip, holding him to her until she was torn away into hiding with his father. He hadn’t felt touch until you reached and tapped him on the shoulder, making him jolt. He turned and looked at you. You. You looked with a small innocent smile peaking on your face.

“Draco,” you said softly.

“Y/N?” he said, surprised. He had seen you a few times around Hogwarts, and once during the battle when he watched in horror as you took a spell straight to the chest and still managed to get up.

“Hello, may I sit?” You asked, pulling out the chair in front of him,

“Y-yes,” Draco said, worried about how you’d react to him. He twisted his rings nervously on his fingers. 

“It’s been a while,” you softly said, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been... around.” Draco managed to say, not looking up at you.“I thought... after the war-”

“I know. I know, I’m a bad person and I. I should go.” Draco began to rise but stopped when he felt your soft hand on his arm.

“Please stay,” Draco looked around the coffee shop. No one seemed to notice you two as he sank back into his seat. “I meant, I thought you died.” “

You thought I died?”

You hummed, “Yes, well. None of us really saw you after the war, I thought... well I thought you died.”

“I didn’t.”

“I can see that,” you joked, Draco didn’t smile. “You look nice.”

“Why are you talking to me?” Draco asked sharply. He wasn’t sure his mental health could take another insult from another hateful person, or another comment about wishing he were dead.

“Because we’re classmates, and you looked like you could use someone to talk to.” You said simply.

“Well, I’m more than alright.” He hated the way he was talking to you, call it the fear, but he wanted nothing more than to escape this conversation. He would later thank himself for staying in that shut in coffee shop.

“If you’re alright, then we can finally have a nice conversation.” Draco didn’t reply as you continued and talked about what you had been doing after the war. You graduated Hogwarts and instead of going into an Auror position as you had previously so hoped to have, you decided against it. You had seen enough war and violence for a lifetime. Instead, you opened a small shop on Diagon Alley selling books, knitted clothing, and pastries. You joked it was an “all any” type of store and if you just looked hard enough, you would find exactly what you were looking for. Draco stopped looking at his rings as you spoke, looking at you intriguingly. Draco searched his mind trying to think of a fact about you. He finally remembered you had a brother. He was small, scrawny and two years below your year, but you had seen the pair of you on the Hogwarts express. 

“How is your brother?” Draco asked, hoping he made a good contribution to the conversation you had so generously been carrying. When Draco saw you stiffen and grip your coffee mug tightly, he knew he had made a mistake.

“Oh, he died a while ago.”

“Oh.”“During the war, he escaped from the younger students to help fight.”“I’m so sorry.”

“No!” you shouted, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, and I’ve learned to believe that it’s not mine either.” You sipped your coffee casually.

“It isn’t your fault,”

“He was always so stubborn, he wouldn’t have stayed in the sidelines even if I chained him up and jinxed his body to a wall.”

Draco found himself chuckling, surprised he even could laugh. The conversation continued. You spoke about what Draco was doing and the restorations he was doing to Malfoy Manor. He admitted that he always found his home to be drab and gloomy, and he wished to tear down the entire house and start from scratch. You agreed with him, telling him that you thought yellow was a wonderful colour for a home. The coffee and tea drinkers around you wouldn’t have known about the war you two had survived, they would only have seen two young adults, sharing a laugh and a muffin that you had ordered. Draco felt himself become quite saddened as the shop began to close, wondering if he’d ever speak to you again after this. You didn’t do anything but reassure him,

“I come here most days after I close the shop, around five actually. Maybe you could come and we could... drink coffee?”

“I’m more of a tea person,”You grinned wildly, “Then tea then, tomorrow? Five?”

Draco nodded, helping you out of your seat and into the streets of London. You bid him goodbye, opened your umbrella, and drifted away. 

You two frequently found yourself in the coffee shop and looking at the clock during the day to tick down the minutes until you could see each other. Draco, you thought, was actually quite funny. He seemed to have a dry sense of humour and enjoyed the blueberry muffins rather than the strawberry ones. Imagine your surprise when you heard your store bell chime to see Draco Malfoy in a dark coat and hair wet from the rain.

“Draco!” You smiled, dusting off your hands on your apron, “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d see the shop you’ve been going on about.” Draco felt awkward in the doorway and stepped around the store to observe the selves.“

Yes! Wait, hold on. ‘ve just got to take the cookies out of the oven, don’t you dare move.” You warned and disappeared into the back. Draco slipped his hands into his coat and peered around your store. It was small and quaint. The shelves were littered with small objects and books that were neatly placed together. Draco pulled a book and browsed through it, not entirely reading the words but waiting for you to return.

“Sorry ‘bout that, I-” you paused, “Draco Malfoy, I didn’t know you were one for romance novels.” 

Draco shut the book to see the title ‘The Lover and I’s Last Dance’ and blushed furiously. He began to stammer out words but you laughed and shoved him. 

“I’m only joking, relax!” Draco exhaled nervously. Why was he nervous? He was never this nervous. 

“I like your shop,” He finally said, touching a small knitted hat fit for a baby.

“Oh! That reminds me,” You turned and searched through the clothes before pulling out a small knitted black hat. You faced him and reached on your tippy-toes to place it on his head, covering half of his hair.

“Y/N,”

“Shh,” you shushed and fussed with the hat, pushing his hair around until you were satisfied, “Knitted that one myself, I did.” You patted his cheek. Draco peered at himself in a small mirror on the wall. His face was flushed, likely from the cold, and his small beanie covered his ears. He turned back with questioning eyes, “I don’t want you to catch a cold, thas’ all.” 

Draco never received clothing. His mother, before, had bought him suits and robes, but never a winter hat. Draco liked the warmth it gave off and sent you a smile.

“Does it look good?”

 “It looks marvelous, now go sit and I’ll bring you a cookie.” 

[nevilles-insinuations]

Yours - Colson Baker

Requested by @chimera4plums​ You don't know where you and Colson stand after being friends with benefits for a while. But at least it’s good inspiration for a song.

A/N: Singer! Reader. Italics are song lyrics. Song lyrics are from Separation by Kiana Lede ft Arin Ray. Warnings: Fluffy with vague references to sex. Word Count: 467

You didn't really know how to explain it. It was complicated. You and Colson had been friends for a while and then one night something changed.

Maybe it was the weed. Maybe it was the four shots tequila you had that night.

But after you slept together, it was different. Getting over the awkwardness of waking up with his tattooed arm being slung around your waist. But more so that you were completely fine to wake up with him next to you. In his bed, and the first thing you saw being his messy hair pressed against the pillow.

Since that night 3 months ago, your relationship, if you could even call it that, had changed. His mood always seemed to improve when you walked in the room. Even the guys noticed it, there was just something about you that made him happy.

You saw more of the real him than anyone else. Cute protective Colson. The tall nerd who enjoyed late night conversations that led into early morning. Who you could watch tv with for hours and debate stupid theories about life. You doubt there were many people in the world who were willing to fight about the way he pronounced ramen and kind of enjoy it.

So there was this unspoken rule that you were his. You didn't belong to him, by any means. But it often crossed Colson's mind, what it would be like if you were. Slightly on edge at the prospect of a serious relationship, it was place he had been never in before. A conversation you needed to have but both of you were scared. To finally be happy.

Your hand reached for the bedroom door which was already ajar. Kells looked up from his phone at the sound of knocking, smiling when he realised it was you.

"Hey (Y/N)"

"What you working on?

Plonking beside him, your eyes fell to the guitar next to him. The instrument practically invisible under the sheets of paper covered in his messy scrawl.

"Not really sure, I've kinda given up at this point"

Colson laughed while you just looked at him knowingly. You knew he would wake up later with a beat stuck in his head and run to the studio before he lost it. That was just the way his brain worked.

It was quiet for a while, but neither of you minded the silence. Both of you bundled on opposite corners of the mattress. Time to think about the unspoken tension that had been building for so long. Still, there was something about just being with him that made you feel content. There were never expectations, spending time with him was enough to make your day better.

"You running out of inspiration?"

You asked, seeing the somewhat dejected look on his face at all the paper. He was one of the most creative people you had ever met. One of the reasons you had fallen for him. Someone who lived for music the same way you did. Who put every piece of his soul into his art.

"I guess so"

The blond sighed, stretching his tattooed arms above his head. Colson had been writing in his room for a couple hours now. A little bit tired and losing his focus. You were the perfect distraction, or inspiration he needed.

You grabbed the guitar, resting it in your lap.

"Can I play you something?"

"Show me what you got"

Colson rubbed his hands together, sitting up with wide eyes, evidently more interested.

Feeling the guitar in your hands made you nervous. Gently strumming the strings, thinking about the song you were going to play. But it captured what you were feeling. The thoughts that were always stuck in your head. Admitting your feelings was kind of a now or never thing. Guess you were choosing now. Fuck.

Do you think about me when I'm gone?

Do you think about me when you need your space?

Do you think about me when you're horny?

Do you think about me every fucking day?

Let me know, let me know I gotta know I gotta know, I gotta know

I've been thinking 'bout separation, if you gon' miss it

That you can locate that destination when you get home

And I'm hoping that distance gon' make you wanna kiss it

My pussy like a vacation that you've been waiting on

And when you're all alone

I hope that you wishing I could sit up on it

What you working on?

Only one for the job, boy, you gon' get it done

Yes, I'm always thinking 'bout you

Yes, it's lonelier without you

Yes, I always wanna fuck

Yes, I'm equally in love

There was a smile on his face when you finished. You inhaled sharply, waiting for his honest opinion. It was obvious who it was about. He probably knew you had written songs about him. And there were a lot more songs than you intended with him as the topic. Music expressed everything way better than words ever could. And from the way his gaze lingered on you as the lyrics flowed through the air, it was almost like everything made sense

"We should work together some time"

His face softened slightly. The realization hitting him that both of you should talk. Now. Before he lost the nerve.

"What? You mean like last time?"

You joked, recalling a few days ago when you last slept together. Another night spent beside him that you wished could last forever. Another time that Colson felt stupid not admitting his feelings before you walked out the door.

"No, I meant a song"

Colson laughed and nerves hit your stomach once more.

"But I mean-"

He trailed off, eyeing you like he usually did. But there was something more than lust in his gaze.

"Are we gonna talk about that?"

His tone a little more determined. Suddenly serious because he needed answers. Whatever this was confused him. What you had was good now. Messy - yes. But you could change that and actually make this work. The glimpses of happiness that he had with you were something else.

"Unless there's another guy that you're secretly in love with?"

Colson moved closer, sliding over the mattress so he was sat beside you.

"Nah, that particular song was about the other guy"

The sarcasm made him laugh. And seeing that smile was one of your favourite things in the world.

"Seven deadly exes thing, you're gonna have to fight"

"Oh I can take him"

He asserted confidently, ever the cocky rapper.

"Sure, Baker"

You rolled your eyes in response. So charming.

"Wow. We're really stupid"

He uttered in disbelief, leaning closer to you.

"I know"

Sighing, you moved so your head was resting comfortably on his shoulder.

"Forgive me for being an idiot and not admitting this sooner?"

You hummed a yes, moving to look at him. Hands snaked around your waist as your body melted in his grasp. He pressed a light kiss to your head.

"All those songs scrunched up over there happen to be about you"

He murmured against your hair, feeling your body vibrate as you chuckled in response.

"Because I love you. I was scared to admit it, but I really want this."

You broke apart slightly, his hand still resting on your hip. His eyes looked into yours and you knew he meant every word.

"I love you too"

A weight lifted of your chest the words fell from your mouth. His calloused thumb caressed your cheek, lifting your chin as his lips pressed against yours. Gentle and intimate. Almost like this wasn't real. Any moment you would blink and be back in the torture of not knowing how to feel. But it wasn't. This time you didn't have to leave conflicted and confused about what this was. Love.

And in the morning, he played you some of the songs - after some relentless begging on your part. Still tangled in sheets, the overwhelming sense of happiness that you wouldn’t trade for anything as you sat there with him. It was different now. But a good different.

[yandere-daze]

may i have 24 from the yandere prompts with okuyasu:)? theyre so cool and nice!!! good job on them

Of course!!! Sorry for the long wait!! I decided to combine this with another oku request I got, I hope that´s okay ^^ And thank you so much, I´m glad that you enjoy my writing 😳

24. “It’s okay for you to love me.”

27. “What’s so special about them?”

39. “You’re mine. You know that right?”

Yandere! Okuyasu with prompts 24, 27 and 39

“So we´re going to meet up later at Tonio´s, right?”, Josuke asked his friends while leaning back into his chair, not caring that he was dangerously close to falling over backwards and maybe breaking a rib in the process. It was currently lunch break at school and you were discussing plans for an after-school hangout. It was one of the rare days you didn´t get any homework to do for the next day so you decided to seize the opportunity to finally spend some more time together. Josuke, Koichi, Okuyasu and you have been friends for a few months now, but rarely had any time to just relax and lay back for once. You had already discussed your plans in great detail for a few minutes now.

“Yeah! We said 4 pm right?”, Okuyasu asked to make sure. He wasn´t very focused at the best of times and now he almost didn´t get anything that was said. All this time, he couldn´t help but look at you and admire the soft look on your face, a wide smile tugging on his lips as he sent you a questioning gaze as if waiting for you to confirm his assumption. But to his dismay, you didn´t show any sign of paying attention to what he had to say. You were just sitting there in your chair and absentmindedly starring out the window, a soft sigh escaping your lips.

“Y/n? Hey y/n, did you hear me?”, he exclaimed once more, raising his voice by a large margin. Maybe he just spoke a bit too quietly and you didn´t hear him?

“W-what?!”, you practically jumped out of your seat, clearly startled. “Did you say something? Sorry I wasn´t paying attention.”, you explained sheepishly while rubbing the back of your head in an embarrassed manner.

“Yeah he did. Quite loudly in fact. We were going to meet at Tonio´s after school at 4. You coming?”, Josuke sounded a bit exasperated but managed to still keep an easy smile on his face.

“Oh sorry about that, I was lost in thought. And I´m sorry but I don´t think I have time today. Lots of homework and stuff.”

It was then that the bell rang, signaling that class was about to start again as everyone returned to their table and quietened down.

Okuyasu was about to do the same when Josuke suddenly put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back.

“Hey don´t you think y/n has been super distant lately? Barely paying attention and always staring of to who knows where?”, he sounded mildly concerned.

“Really? I mean she didn’t hear what I said earlier but is it that bad?” Then a thought shot into his head. Were you getting bullied? Was someone harassing you? Okuyasu wasn´t the smartest person around but if anyone was hurting you there would be hell to pay. No one was allowed to hurt the most precious person in his life!

As he wondered, a shit-eating grin formed on Josuke´s face as he leaned in further and nudged Okuyasu with his elbow. “Who knows? Maybe she´s just madly in love with someone!”, he then lowered the tone of his voice as he suggestively wriggled his eyebrows at his friend as he continued his sentence. “Maybe…madly in love with you?” At Josuke´s suggestion, Okuyasu´s face immediately flamed up, just the thought of you liking him back filled his heart with so much joy, he couldn´t contain it. He has had a crush on you for as long as you have known each other, he couldn´t imagine any other person staying at his side for life. His best friend was the only other person that he had entrusted his crush to and for that little mistake he was getting teased relentlessly now. He only hoped you didn´t hear that as he shout-whispered at Josuke to stop. Before their banter could go on any further, they were promptly stopped by the teacher raising their voice and asking them to head to their table so the lesson could start.

“Okay but seriously, maybe check out how they are doing. They should be at the library, they usually are after school.”, with that, his friend gave Okuyasu an encouraging final clap on his back before heading back to his seat.

Okuyasu wasn´t able to concentrate on the lesson at all, not that he could usually follow what was being taught. But today especially he was lost in thought, always thinking about you. He had to get to the bottom of this, he wouldn´t stand for you getting hurt.

After the final bell, Okuyasu wasted no time while going to the public library in town, a slight haste to his step. Rounding around the corner after about 15 minutes of walking, he could already see your form through the tall windows the library had installed. He couldn´t help but stop in his tracks and admire you before heading in himself. You were sitting in the far-off corner at a table, seemingly writing something on a piece of paper in front of you. Your posture was a bit tense as you paused your movements to seemingly read over what you had written before raising your pen again, furiously erasing whatever you had written before. After staring at the paper some more you crumpled up the paper and threw it into the nearest corner, joining a seemingly endless pile of previously discarded papers that had met the same fate. Deciding that he finally wanted to talk to you, Okuyasu walked past the window and made his way through the front door, heading straight in your direction, his gaze fixed onto you. In the meantime, you had picked up another blank paper and started to slowly write something down again. He couldn´t see what you were writing about from this distance though, but he wondered what made you so worked up. Drawing closer and closer, you seemed to have finally noticed the sound of his footsteps and looked up, your face suddenly flushing as you caught his gaze, going rigid and scrambling to hide the paper you were just writing on from him by half-heartedly covering it with your arms.

“O-okuyasu! Didn´t expect to see you here! Where you looking for something?” Your voice was a little uneven and you even stuttered a bit, which even took Okuyasu aback. Glancing under your arms he could see little red hearts drawn all over the paper, the words “love” and “crush” sticking out to him as well.

“I was worried about you y/n. The others said you´ve been super distant lately and I didn´t want you to be hurt.”, as he spoke, his gaze was still focused on the paper in front of you. Catching on, you glanced down to what your friend was so intensely looking at, tensing up once more once you realized the truth of the matter. Chuckling awkwardly, you decided to speak up once more.

“Yeah sorry about that. There´s just been a lot of stuff on my mind.”

“Stuff like what? Has anyone been hurting you? I´ll beat them up if you just give me the names!”

At this you frantically shook your hand and waved your hands around in a placating manner,

“No, no! That´s not necessary! No one has hurt me! At least… not yet”, you whispered out the last part, thinking that Okuyasu wouldn´t hear. But he did. And he didn´t like that notion one bit. He doesn´t want you to get hurt.

“What do you mean not yet? Is someone threatening you?!”, he was getting agitated now, who would dare to treat you like that? His little angel?

“It´s not like that Okuyasu, please calm down! It´s just uhmm”, you shuffled your feet a bit and fiddled with you sleeve before speaking up once more. “Have you ever been in love?”

Oh.

OH.

Now it was his time to blush as he nods his head and croaks out a “yes”. Love was an understatement. He would do anything for you, absolutely anything.

“Well… there´s someone I really like. I´ve done so for a long time. I want to confess to them how I feel but I´m scared that they won´t feel the same. I don´t want to accidentally make things awkward and destroy our friendship!”

His mind started to slowly process the information you had just given him. There was someone you liked. And they were also a close friend of yours. Wait. A friend? You don´t know that many people. Could it be… that you like him as well? You feel the same? His heart swelled at the mere possibility of this being true, a dumb grin spread on his face.

“Don´t worry about that! I´m sure they feel the same way.”

“You really think so?”, you asked in uncertainty. Yes, he was. He was absolutely sure that you must like him just the way he loved you.

“Yes I´m sure of it.” And as a smile slowly spread onto your face he added, “It’s okay for you to love me.” He walked around the table so that he was now standing next to you a happy grin on his face as he laid his hand on your shoulder.

“Wait what?”, you asked in confusion. Then after a second your eyes widened and your eyes shifted around uncomfortably as your smile fell from your face. “Okuyasu no, I think you got something horribly wrong.” At this, he gazed down at you curiously, not understanding what you were trying to say.

“Okuyasu. You´re not the one I´m in love with.”

With just this one sentence, he felt as if his whole world fell apart in front of him. This couldn´t be true. You were wrong, no! You loved him! You love love love love him! His grip on your shoulder tightened as he tried to reign his frustration in, it almost starting to turn painful from the way he gripped onto you for dear life.

“Please let me go. You´re starting to hurt me”, you whimpered and shied away from his touch as best as you could but Okuyasu kept a firm grip as tears slowly started to gather in his eyes. No, he couldn´t let you go now, not under any circumstances. If he let go now, you would be gone forever. You would leave him all alone, his heart would burst from the sheer pain of potentially seeing you with someone else. Yes, someone else. Someone was trying to take his place at your side. Anger built up in him, an almost rare hate growing inside of him towards this person he didn´t even know. He didn´t need to know them to know they weren´t worthy of your love.

“Tell me y/n! What’s so special about them? What do I need to change so you can love me? Are they smart? Am I not intelligent enough for you? What can I do?”, he started to grow desperate now, holding onto you with a vice-like grip as he started to shake, the tears just kept rolling down his face in a mix of anger, sadness and frustration. He felt hopeless, You were one of the only people in his life that he could trust, that cared about him. You two would be so perfect together, so why did someone else need to ruin this?

“Okuyasu please st-“, you tried to start again but were promptly interrupted.

“No y/n. You’re mine. You know that right? You care for me and I care so much about you as well! So it was meant to be. There´s no one else for me! We´ll figure this out, don´t worry!” He hugged your form tightly now, pressing his face against your chest as the tears kept streaming from his eyes, soaking your shirt in the process.

“I´m not the smartest person but I love you so, so much. Please we could be good together.”

Then, his voice grew hard again as he tried to hold back his sobs.

“Just forget about them. Forget or they won´t be able to attend school for the next few days. They´ll regret ever trying to get between us.”

[whatdidimissjm]

With Only the Memories of When You were Mine

This is for day 25 of Hamcember - Tradition and omg I loved writing this! This is another collab with @gagakuma and I´ll leave a link of her art here once she posts it! Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it and happy holidays to everyone else! I hope you all have wonderful days, even though this year hasn´t been the greatest. I´m very grateful for everyone who reads my stories and it means the world to me, so thank you!

--

Alex can´t really remember how their fight started, even though this has only been about three hours ago, maybe less. He just knows how it ended: with Thomas slamming the front door shut, leaving him alone in their house. Alex had waited for him to return, frozen in place, until he had to admit that Thomas wouldn´t come back. The realisation had filled him with dread and without thinking he ran to the front door, throwing it open and running out onto the street, but obviously there was no sign of Thomas. Alex felt his eyes fill with tears as he went back up to the house, and as the door fell shut behind him, he couldn´t help but think that this was it. He finally fucked up enough for it to be over. The thought caused him to let out a sob, his legs suddenly giving in and then he was lying on the floor, pathetically crying. Alex doesn´t know how long he spent there, until he managed to drag himself to their bedroom, where he sat down on the bed, staring at the picture of the two of them on the wall. It became blurry as his eyes filled with tears again and after a moment, he let himself fall back, curling into a ball, while sobs shook his body. When he opened his eyes again, the first thing he saw was the Christmas sweater Thomas got for him and he felt his insides turn cold as he remembered what day it was. They were supposed to have their annual Christmas pictures taken, a tradition they started even before they became a couple. It took all of Alexander´s strength to get up and walk over to their shelf, where they kept their photo album with all their Christmas pictures.

Now Alex is sitting on the bed with the book in his lap and tears still streaming down his face, desperately trying to remember why they even had that fight in the first place, but he comes up empty. He wipes the tears away with the back of his hand and takes a deep breath, before opening the photo album with trembling fingers.

The first picture shows Thomas and Alex in their last year of high school, the year they became friends, but still before they got together. It´s a polaroid Laf took of them at their school´s Christmas party and even though it´s a bit burry, and the lightning isn´t great, it´s one of Alex´s favourite pictures of them. He gently traces the edge of it, a small smile on his face as he thinks back to that time.

Alex turns the page, and the next picture is them kissing underneath a mistletoe at their university. He doesn´t remember who took it, but it doesn´t really matter. It was one of their first pictures together after they´ve become a couple and Alex can´t help but wish to go back in time and just start all over again.

He has to take a moment, before he is able to turn the page, because he has started crying again, the fear that this is all over filling up his head once again. His hand is trembling even worse as he turns the page, looking down at the picture of their first Christmas together at the house of Thomas´ parents. They are standing in front of a Christmas tree and the picture looks a bit forced and Alex remembers how awkward it was, but they still look happy.

Alex is still flipping through the pages of the photo album, silent tears rolling down his cheeks, when there is a knocking on the door. He freezes, his heart beating loud and fast in his chest and for a moment, he doesn´t manage to make any sound.

“Come in.”, he finally says, his voice raw and a bit husky.

Alex doesn´t know if he should be happy or afraid, when he sees Thomas standing in the door, his eyes red and swollen as well. Normally he can read his boyfriend like an open book, but today, as he needs it most, he can´t tell what the other man is thinking.

“Thomas-“, Alex starts, even though he doesn´t know what to say exactly. He just knows he has to apologize, has to make this right, before there is nothing left for him to fix.

“The photographer is here.”, Thomas says, interrupting him. “We´ll talk later. Get ready for the picture, okay?”

Before Alex can say anything else, Thomas has closed the door behind him, and Alex is left alone again. He can feel panic spreading through him, the realisation that he might actually lose Thomas forever, that this will be their last Christmas picture together, hitting him hard. Alex struggles to breath for a moment, sure that losing Thomas will actually kill him.

Alex shakes his head and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. There is still time to fix this. They´ll have their picture taken and maybe that will help remind them of how much they´ve gone through together. Alex takes another deep breath and gets up from the bed, walking over to the mirror on the wall, looking at himself. He looks horrible, just like he feels. His skin is pale, his eyes are bloodshot and there are tear tracks on his face. He lets out a sigh and walks into the bathroom, washing his face and pulling his hear into a ponytail. He tries out a smile, but it looks fake and doesn´t reach his eyes, so Alex gives up and walks back into the bedroom, where he pulls the Christmas sweater over his head.

Alex feels sick with anxiety, as he walks down the hallway to the living room, where he hears Thomas talking with the photographer. He hesitates a moment, before he opens the door and walks into the room, giving the woman a weak smile.

“This is Alex Hamilton, my boyfriend.”, Thomas introduces him.

The words “my boyfriend” feel like a stab directly into Alex´s heart, and he has to do his best to keep smiling and not break down into tears.

“Hi.”, he says to the photographer. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. I´m Theo Bartow.”

They exchange a few pleasantries, but Alex can´t help sneaking glances at Thomas, his heart aching for things to go back the way they were before the fight.

“So you want the picture taken in front of the Christmas tree?”, Theo asks finally, releasing Alex from this hell.

“Yes, that would be perfect.”, Thomas answers, while Alex just nods.

They walk over to the tree and stand next to each other, but with a visible gap between them.

“Thomas, could you wrap your arm around Alex and Alex could you place your hand on Thomas´ chest?”, Theo instructs them, and Alex can feel his throat closing again.

He flinches a bit as Thomas touches him, but hurries to get into the position Theo had requested. His heart is beating fast in his chest and he hopes Thomas can´t feel it.

“Looks great.”, she informs them. “Now smile.”

Alex does his best to make his smile believable, as the woman takes a picture. After looking at it for a moment, she adjusts the light. She takes a few more pictures, before she has them change positions. This time they are simply standing next to each other, with Thomas´ arm around Alex´ waist, both smiling at the camera.

Usually Alex loves those photoshoots, as cheesy as they are, but today it´s torture. He endures it though, as Theo requests different positions for them, until she suggests that Thomas should pick Alex up bridal style.

“I think we´re good.”, he says quietly. “I´m sure you´ve got some amazing pictures.”

“Oh, okay, sure. We can end this here. I´ll mail you the pictures once I´m back at the office and you can choose the ones you want me to work on.”

Alex nods and they talk for a bit, while Theo packs up her equipment. After she is done, they walk her to the front door and say their thanks. As soon as the door closes behind her, the anxiety from before comes back full force, and Alex feels himself starting to tremble. He feels sick.

“I´ll head to the bathroom real quick.”, he informs Thomas, not waiting for a reply.

Once he reaches the bathroom, he sinks down in front of the toilette, feeling like he might throw up any time. He tries to open the toilette lid, but his hands are trembling so much, that it falls down again. This is the last straw, which causes Alex to start crying again, his body shaking even more now. After what feels like hours, there is a knocking on the door once again.

“Alex?”, Thomas asks tentatively. “Are you-?“, he hesitates, apparently not knowing how to end his question. “Can I come in?”

Alex takes a deep breath, hoping that his voice doesn´t sound es pathetic as he feels.

“Give me another minute, alright?”, he gives back, his voice actually sounding almost normal.

“Okay.”, he hears Thomas say, and then steps retreating.

Alex gets up after a few seconds and walks over to the sink, taking a tissue and blowing his nose, before he washes his face again. He takes a deep breath and walks out of the bathroom and into the living room, where he finds Thomas sitting on the couch.

“Hey.”, he says quietly.

“Hey.”, Thomas gives back, looking up at him.

They are quiet for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say.

“Theo just sent the pictures.”, Thomas finally says, breaking the silence. “Do you want to see?”

Alex hesitates a moment, before he nods, forcing his legs to walk over to the couch and sit down next to Thomas.

“I´m sorry.”, Thomas says quietly. “I-“ He takes a shuddering breath. “I´m sorry.”

Alex nods, silent tears slipping down his face.

“Me too. I´m so sorry.”

He doesn´t know for what he´s actually apologizing, still doesn´t know what they are, but he wants Thomas to know that he is sorry, either for the fight or for causing them to break up.

“Do you want to talk or look at the pictures first?”, Thomas asks.

“Pictures.”, Alex says immediately

Like that he can still hope that everything will be okay again.

Thomas nods and opens the laptop, clicking on the link Theo has sent them and then on the first pic. It looks forced, both their eyes sad and smiles fake, but maybe it´s just because Alex knows that it is.

“Next.”, he says, and Thomas swipes to the left.

It´s almost the same picture, just like the next four, but then the position changes. It looks a bit more natural, but Alex can still see how red his eyes are.

“Next.”, he says again.

His breath catches when he sees the next pic, and he just stares at it for a moment in disbelieve, before looking up at Thomas, who is watching him intensely.

“This day wasn´t supposed to be like that at all, but I still want that.”, Thomas says quietly, his voice serious and calm, but Alex can hear the slight tremble in it.

He looks back the picture again, then at Thomas once more.

“Are you sure?”, Alex asks, he has to ask.

“I am and always was. Alexander Hamilton, will you marry me?”

Alex can feel his eyes filling with tears again as he nods, glancing back at the picture, that shows Thomas kneeling in front of the Christmas tree with the biggest smile on his face and a ring in his hand, holing up a sign that reads the exact same phrase.

“Yes, I want to. I-“, he hesitates. “I really thought this fight was it. That it was over.”

Thomas shakes his head, tears falling down his face as well.

“I love you. This fight was stupid, and I don´t want to ever lose you. I want to marry you.”

Alex surges forward, knocking the laptop off Thomas´ lap, but he doesn´t care as he holds on tight to the other man.

“I love you so much. So, so much.”, Alex whispers.

They stay like this for some time, with Alex softly crying, but this time from relief, while Thomas gently strokes his hair. When Alex looks up again, he notices that Thomas´ face is full of tears too.

“We really fucked up, huh?”, Alex asks. “That was the worst fight we ever had.”

Thomas nods, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I´m sorry that I just walked out like that, I- I just needed some time to think.”

This time it´s Alex that nods.

“No, no, I get it. I needed time to calm down and think too. I just thought… I was scared that you´d never come back.”, his voice cracks at the last word and he lets out a sob, clinging even tighter to Thomas.

“I will always come back.”, Thomas promises. His voice is quiet but serious.

Alex shakes his head and Thomas frowns.

“I will never let you leave again.”

Thomas chuckles quietly and Alex gives him a tiny smile. He leans forward and kisses the younger man. Alex melts into it, more tears leaving his eyes, as he wraps his arms around Thomas´ neck. When they part again, Alex lets out a shuddering breath, but he feels something inside of him settling into place again. He smiles up at Thomas, lightly poking his chest.

“Hey, where is my ring? Don´t you normally hand that out when you propose to someone?”

Thomas laughs and nods, pressing another kiss to Alex´s lips.

“Yeah, you´re right. Let me get it.”

With that he gets up and walks over to the Christmas tree, taking a small box from underneath it, that Alex hadn´t noticed before. He is kind of shocked Thomas hid the ring in such plain sight, but at the same time Alex can feel his heart fluttering nervously in his chest. Alex´s body moves almost on his own, as he gets up and slowly walks over to Thomas, who is still standing in front of the tree. There is a warm smile on the other man´s face and Alex´s heart makes a jump, when Thomas gets down on one knee in front of him, showing him the delicate gold ring.

“Let´s make it official, won´t we?”, Thomas asks, and all Alex can do is nod.

“Alexander Hamilton, will you make me the happiest man alive and agree to marry me?”

Alex lets out an almost breathless “yes”, shuddering as Thomas slips the ring onto his finger with trembling hands. Alex stares down at the ring for a long time, completely blown away by the thought that he is engaged. Especially after the day they´ve had.

“Where´s yours?”, Alex asks, looking around the room, as if he might find a second ring box hidden somewhere.

Thomas laughs quietly and takes another ring box out from underneath the Christmas tree. Alex lets out a huff.

“That´s not a good hiding place.”, he comments, and takes the box from Thomas.

“They´ve been here for about a week now and you didn´t notice, so I call bullshit.”

Alex shrugs and opens the box, marvelling at the ring for a moment, before he carefully takes it out. Thomas holds out his hand and Alex slips the ring onto his finger, his breath catching.

“I really didn´t expect that day to end like this.”, Alex admits, finally tearing his eyes away from the ring, to look up at Thomas´s face.

“I didn´t either this afternoon.”, Thomas says quietly.

Alex nods, dropping his gaze again.

“Do you regret it?”, he asks after a moment, and Thomas frowns.

“I can´t follow.”

“That you asked today.”

Thomas shakes his head almost instantly, grabbing Alexander´s hands.

“I don´t. This day didn´t go as I thought it would, but you said yes and that´s all that will ever matter.”

Alex lets out a sigh and nods, squeezing Thomas´ hands.

“I think we still have to choose a picture?”, Alex asks, and Thomas nods with a grin.

“We can do that if you haven´t broken my laptop earlier.”

Alex sticks his tongue out at Thomas, walking over to the couch again.

“I want a divorce.”, he declares with a big grin.

He is about to flop down onto the couch, but Thomas catches him by the waist at the last second, pulling him against his chest.

“Oh no, you are stuck with me, baby.”, Thomas gives back, a teasing note in his voice.

“I wouldn´t want it any other way.”

[luvelyhs]

please tell me you love me

in which you’re in love with your best friend and you find a love note

***angst***

“If you have to choose between me and her, choose her. Because if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be any other choice.”

How do you tell your best friend that you loved him?

It wasn’t that simple. He’s been your best friend for a few years, and that’s all he’s ever been to you. Until you caught feelings for him.

You realized it a few weeks ago, and you wanted to tell him soon because it broke your heart everytime he was near you, touching you, yet he wasn’t truly yours.

But then you were too late. Harry had his eye on someone. Someone blonde, beautiful, smart, and funny. A whole package, you thought. She made him laugh and had deep conversations with him. Something you did, yet not on the same level.

Along with being Harry Styles’ best friend came the part of hanging out with her also, and your heart broke even more. You couldn’t interfere with this relationship, not when he seemed genuinely into her, and her into him. So you did what you did best, you distanced yourself.

At first, Harry didn’t seem to really notice. He spent a lot of his free time with her, which wasn’t a lot considering the fact that he was a busy person during this time when he was recording songs left and right.

You told yourself putting the distance between the both of you was just for them to hang out more together, but really it was to try and forget him and the feelings you hold.

He finally noticed your absence when scrolling through Instagram, and found your most recent post on his feed. It was one of you and your friends, some who he had never met before. You all had your legs crossed sitting in a bar with drinks held in hand. He realized it then, he missed you and your presence. He felt like a dick because he hadn’t noticed that you both haven’t spent time together in a few weeks. 

Harry texted you the next morning. It said, “Lunch today? We could go to our favorite place. :)”

You didn’t want to go because you hadn’t completely gotten over him, but you were a big softie for Harry, and you figured one lunch couldn’t hurt.

“Ok. See you soon.” It lacked the warmth of your usual messages, something Harry was used to. He didn’t understand why you were distancing yourself, he figured it was probably because you didn’t want to third wheel with him and Anna, the new girlfriend.

Then you saw him. He was there before you, hands grasped onto the menu in front of him, reading the choices even though you know he was going to get the same order he always did.

You paused, taking a moment to admire him. You hadn’t seen him in a few days and you missed him. You shook your head lightly, the distance was needed, for your sake and his. Mostly for yours, if you were being honest.

You had doubts in your head about this lunch, maybe you should walk out of here. You doubted that you can seem normal to him, and you hoped he wouldn’t pick up on your behavior. 

It’s like he felt your presence, because he looked up and locked eyes with you. You blinked twice and genuinely smiled. You couldn’t help it, Harry still has and will always have a special place in your heart. You tried to dismiss the flutter in your stomach each step you took. 

“Hi, Harry.” You shyly smiled and set your purse down on one of the empty seats. 

“Y/N! I’ve missed you, darling. C’mere.” He stood up and leaned forward to greet you in a hug. You hugged him back tightly because you missed the feel of his warm hugs. They felt like home. He felt like home.

You slyly breathed in his scent and sighed, pulling back to sit down in the chair opposite of him. “I missed you too, H. Lots has been going on.” It wasn’t far from the truth, you have just been keeping yourself busy when you could have spent that time with him. But why would you want to hang out with him and probably his girlfriend as well? It would be pure torture, him wrapping his arm around her and not you, him pressing kisses to the side of her face when you wished to whatever god was up there that it was you that he was kissing and loving on. But it wasn’t, and you were taking the time to process that fact to get over your feelings for him. 

“How have you been, H?” You opened your menu to avoid eye contact, but you can feel his stare burning into your head. You took a glance at him and smiled. He was staring at you but you couldn’t tell what emotion he was feeling. 

He finally spoke after a few seconds of just staring at you. “’ve been good, love. Really good, Anna is amazing and makes me so happy.” Your heart broke at that statement. You weren’t a good actor, but you had to be for this. So you smiled again and replied. 

“That’s great! I’m so, so happy for you, Harry. You deserve it. She better be treating you right, or else she will have me to deal with.” You wanted to get this lunch over with. You changed the subject from Anna and focused on the menu. 

“What are you having? Pasta sounds so good.” 

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Fuck. You should have known he would pick up on your behavior. He is Harry after all, he can read you like an open book. 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine!” He narrows his eyes at you. 

“Don’t lie to me, darling. Tell me what’s wrong. Hm?” He reaches across the table to hold your hand. You pulled your hand back as a reflex. He took note of this, you would usually love to touch him and show affection to him. That’s just how it was between you. 

“I’m fine, Harry. Just drop it, okay?” You started to get frustrated at his lack of backing off the subject. You realized you couldn’t be normal with him. Not now, not yet. 

You grabbed your purse and stood up, telling him you have to go and exiting the restaurant. You spared a glance at him one last time and saw him staring at your retreating figure, sadness and confusion on his face.

++++++++++++++++++

A few days later, you were having a pamper night for yourself. You wanted to destress from the week and having a bubble bath and putting on a facemask seemed to be a good idea.

You had just finished your bath and still had another ten minutes until you had to take off your face mask. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and looked closely at the white mask sitting on your face. You went into your closet to find a wash cloth and when you pulled down a bin, a folded piece of paper fell from the shelf. 

You set the bin down and picked up the paper, unfolding it and holding your breath once you read what was written. 

To Y/N, 

My darling, how can I express with my words how deeply I care for you? How can I express with my actions how you make me feel? I wish I can tell you that I am in love with you. I’ll be waiting for you, always.

H. x

It was obvious who has written it, who else calls you darling and name starts with H? You couldn’t believe your eyes. He’s in love with you? A million questions race through your head.

How long ago was this written? Why did he hide it here? Does he still love you? Why hasn’t he told you? 

You needed answers, but you were afraid that it was much too late. Besides, he had Anna now. He was happy, he didn’t need you as much as he used to. His feelings for you must have washed away by now. 

You feel like an idiot for not finding this sooner, but you know it wasn’t your fault. You were feeling so many different emotions: confusion, frustration, sadness, hope. You decided to do what your heart wanted you to do, besides the logical part of you.

You arrived at Harry’s front door, note clutched in hand and heart beating wildly. You hoped, prayed, wished that Anna was not home. How awkward would that be, to watch as your boyfriend’s bestfriend came in with a love note from your boyfriend? Disastrous.

Harry was surprised to find you at his front door step. He palms started sweating and heart beating so fast. He swung open the door and admired you. He felt relieved to see you standing there after putting up a wall and distancing yourself from him for much too long.

His eyes met yours. Your face showing how distraught you were. “Is Anna here?” He was confused as to why you were asking about her. But he answered anyway. “No, not tonight. Why? Come in, it’s freezing out, darling.” 

You sighed out when he said that, moving past him to welcome yourself inside his gorgeous home. The paper was burning your hand and you wanted your answers.

“What the fuck is this?” You held out your hand and shook it, Harry’s eyes dropping to your hand and the paper inside it. His eyes widened, he knew what that was. He forgot about it, hoping that you would never find it. 

“Are you in love with me?” You asked the question, holding your breath as you waited for the answer. He was silent, having an inner battle with himself. You opened the note up, reading the words. 

“I-I was, yeah.” Past tense? He was in love with you. Which means, not anymore. Which means, he did at some point. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Harry?” Your voice cracked. 

“I was afraid, if I told you, wha’ if it ruined our friendship?” You scoffed, mad at you and him. You could’ve been together. Could have been happy together. But it was impossible now. Or was it?

“I’ve loved you, Harry. I’ve only just recently discovered how in love with you I am.” He put two and two together, now knowing why you had distanced yourself. You were hurting, seeing him and Anna together and now here you were, baring your heart and soul to him. 

“You’re in love with me?” He whispered, taking a step closer, wrapping his hand around your unoccupied one. 

“Yes.” You whispered back. The atmosphere was changing, he kept coming closer, your breath hitched and he grasped your face.

“But you don’t love me anymore?” Please tell me you love me, you thought in your head. Repeating it over in hopes that he will say it.

He paused, taking a deep breath in. “Of course I do, well, ‘s complicated... Anna..”

“I get it, H.” Tears streamed down your face. The dam broke, you couldn’t hold in your tears anymore. “What happened to, ‘I’ll be waiting for you, always’?” He stayed silent and you knew what you had to do. 

You make a move to step past him, but he grabbed your waist, gripping tightly so you wouldn’t go.

“Don’t leave me, darling. Please.” 

“You can’t have the both of us, Harry.” He rested his forehead on yours, eyes closed as he thought.

“Choose her, because if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be any other choice.” You grabbed his hand and held it, leaning forward to softly kiss his cheek. 

“‘m sorry.” He whispered, heartbroken.

“Me too.” You smiled sadly, and walked out of the door.

[prettywordsyouleft]

That’s It?

Prompt: #119 for anon – “I just really need to talk to you.”

Anonymous said:

May I request 119 with Im Changkyun??? Thank youuu

Pairing: Im Changkyun x reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

Word count: 1198

There were always sentences that would provoke certain emotions in a person. Some would spark joy or excitement, others contempt and annoyance.

But there was one that was universally dubbed as anxiety-inducing.

I need to talk to you.

Changkyun swallowed, the sentence hadn’t even been spoken out loud and still he felt the immediate surge of concern. Why did you need to talk to him? What had he forgotten about or done wrong to warrant such a sentence?

He stared at the simple message on his phone for several minutes, blindly jostled by his best friend Jooheon. “Dude, you look unwell, all good?”

“Ah, well, I don’t know,” Changkyun admitted, allowing Jooheon to read your message. “This doesn’t really bode well, right?”

“That’s from Y/N?” Jooheon asked and Changkyun nodded. Jooheon dismissed the apparent anxious expression on his friend’s face. “I saw her earlier in the staff room, she seemed completely fine.”

“To you, but maybe I’ve done something?” Changkyun wondered softly, letting out a heavy sigh. He started to brood, over-analysing every aspect of his recent interactions with you. He couldn’t think of anything that he had done to warrant your need to send him such a message and dropped his head into his arms with a groan.

Jooheon patted his shoulder gently. “You know, it could be something good.”

“There’s no exclamation mark,” Changkyun replied immediately, glancing up at Jooheon. “I wonder what it is that I’ve done wrong.”

“Only one way to find out, message her back.”

“Right now? I uh, I need to get back to work. These emails aren’t going to send themselves.”

Jooheon shrugged. “The sooner you rip off the band-aid, the quicker whatever it is will be over and done with.”

Of course, Changkyun opted to do all his remaining work before approaching your message. When he logged off his computer, he looked to his phone, noticing the flashing notification light. Heaving in a deep breath, he unlocked the device and saw another message from you.

I just really need to talk to you.

Guilt washed over him for making you wait so long as he cowardly protected himself from whatever you had to say. Hitting the call button, he balanced the phone on his shoulder as he collected his belongings and managed to pull on his coat. You answered after the fourth ring. “Finally!”

“Sorry, I was caught up in work, is everything okay?”

“No, you made me wait all day,” you grumbled and Changkyun sighed as he walked towards the elevator.

“Well I’m free now, can you tell me over the phone or-”

“In person, this is kind of important,” you intervened breathlessly. “I’m waiting for you by your car.”

“Oh, right.” Stepping into the elevator, he pressed the ground level button and swallowed awkwardly. “I’ll be there shortly.”

It felt like the longest ride ever and yet when Changkyun reached the bottom, he almost pressed the highest floor button to ride away from his concerns. He knew he had dragged this out far too long now. Jooheon had been right. His mood wouldn’t have stumbled this low had he done something about this hours ago.

When he spotted you, Changkyun tried to gauge your expression. You didn’t smile, and that made his stomach knot up further. He soon reached your side, lifting an awkward hand in greeting. “Hey.”

“Hey, can we talk in your car?” you asked quickly and numbly Changkyun nodded, unlocking the doors and went over to the driver’s side. Once in the car, he didn’t look directly at you, rather, angling himself so he could see you enough without giving off that he was anxious.

It was then that he realised you were fiddling with your ring on your finger and his brows knitted together. “Is it something bad?”

“What?” Dazed, you shook your head. “No, it’s nothing bad.”

“Really?”

“It’s serious though,” you admitted, looking in every part of the car except in his direction. “I uh, have something I need to tell you.”

Changkyun took a shaky breath, trying to guess the words that would come from your mouth. When he landed on the idea of you potentially leaving him, it made him lurch forward, taking your hand in his and shaking his head. “You’re not- we’re not changing how we are right?”

“Well, it might change after I say this,” you said, blinking several times. “Changkyun, I-”

“But I don’t want us to change,” he breathed, shaking his head again. “I like how we are. I know we’ve only been together for nine months now but I don’t want to break up and-”

“What? Break up? Where did you get that from?”

Desperation had taken over and his words started falling out in quick succession. “Well, you said you needed to talk and that only means one thing which is never good and so that’s why I avoided having this happen earlier in the day because I don’t want things to be bad between us, Y/N. I want us to-”

“Changkyun, I love you,” you confessed and he sucked in so much air that he began to hiccup. Watching him for a moment, your lips slowly spread into a smile. “Are you hiccupping because I love you?”

“Wait a min—ute,” he managed, trying to rid himself of the problem he was facing. And then he shot you another look. “Did you just sa—y you lo—ve me?!”

“Oh my goodness, you sound so cute right now!” you giggled, cupping his face within your hands. “I love you. That’s what I want to tell you. I realised this morning how much I needed to tell you. And it drove me mad waiting all day until now to do so.”

“You love me—ee?!”

“Even when you sound so ridiculous. Do you need some water? I think I have a bottle in my bag.”

After gulping down the drink, Changkyun waited for a few seconds to see if he was cured. He then groaned. “I was so anxious all afternoon thinking it was something bad.”

“Why would I have anything bad to say? You only ever make me smile!”

“You sent I really need to talk to you. What else was I meant to think?”

You grinned. “So what are you thinking now?”

“What do you mean?” he asked and you gave him a pointed look. “Oh.”

“Oh? That’s it?!”

“No, I love you too.”

“You said that with barely any effort,” you grumbled, your disappointment evident.

Changkyun smiled, running his hand through your hair. “Because it’s not the first time I’ve said it to you.”

“It is too!”

Changkyun shook his head. “I breathed it into your ear last week.”

“When?!” You were aghast and Changkyun grew sheepish.

“Uh, you were asleep beside me but still-”

“I obviously didn’t hear you then!”

“Can you hear me now?” Changkyun asked and you softened, watching him intently. “I love you too, Y/N. Even if you make me panic over your sentences.”

“You’re not going to let this go, now are you?” you whined and Changkyun chuckled, pulling you into his embrace.

“No, but the good thing is, I’m not letting you go either.”

_________________

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[jjuzoir]

To Date Itaru Chigasaki

Request: “insert here”

A/N: I had to split the request in 2 posts!! due to formatting 🙇‍♀️ so sorry!!

- You two met at a gaming shop!

- You were looking for a gift for your best friend’s younger sister, as much as you liked games yourself- buying one for a 12 year old was another story.

- You were freaking out- you had been in the store for almost an hour searching and nothing would come up.

- You were afraid of not getting a gift at all- that is until you felt a tap from a man in a suit.

- “You look like you’re ten seconds away from crying,” Itaru looked at you, “Need some help?”

- He didn’t know why he’d helped you, you were kind of cute and, unlike with other things, he was a bit more open to helping others when it came to video games.

- “Please,” you turned around, “I need a game for a 12 year old but I just don’t know! I-I don’t want her to think I think she’s a child but she can’t play anything too… you know, grown up or else her parents will kick my ass.” You whine, maybe if things had gone better you’d be embarrassed but embarrassment is simply something you cannot feel right now, you’re against the clock and you’re tired.

- “Hmm, a 12 year old girl… thought about Puppy Crossing?”

- And that’s how you spent the next 30 minutes, discussing a game for the kid with a 20-something year old blue collar.

- By the end you had bought the gift plus a recommendation Itaru had given you based on your short, but surprisingly sweet, interaction.

- The second time you met was, again, at the store but this time it was for you instead of a kid. Thankfully.

- He was wearing another suit, you guessed he really was an office worker; what was he doing here though? What business would guy with such a high paying job, you assumed by his suit and clothes, have in such a small game store in the middle of a gaming street.

- You shrugged it off before returning to browsing, you really shouldn’t judge.

- After a few minutes he noticed you and approached you asking about the game he’d recommended for the girl last time. After gladly informing him about the success the gift had- both of you quickly began talking about the game he’d recommended you.

- After that you two began meeting up in the shop- not on purpose or anything, it just kind of happened.

- In most situations he might’ve been annoyed but for some reason he couldn’t really bring himself to be mad. He enjoyed being able to shamelessly talk about games, online and competitive, pay to win or free to play, with a cute person who didn’t judge him.

- It became a weekly occurrence and you really enjoyed it. Eventually he asked you out on a date, it’d be in an internet cafe near the store, and you said yes.

- You were looking forward to being able to know him better, not in a store or just as friends but maybe… as a possible s/o? You slap your cheeks at the thought, silly [Name], that wouldn’t happen... right?

- That is until he called in sick stating he had grown ill with the flu and you were worried, he sounded like he was in hell based on the phone call. He was coughing, his voice sounded muffled, he kept sneezing too, you were surprised he could even dial with how bad he sounded.

- When you tried to call him his number went straight to voicemail so you did what anyone would do;

- You called in to his home number (which he had given you when he gave you his business card, yes he gave you his business card instead of giving you his phone number like a normal person).

- “Hello, Izumi Tachibana speaking.” Your heart kind of stops when you hear a woman’s voice and you wonder if maybe you’d been a side piece, but thinking back to Itaru and how he acted with you - you doubted it.

- “Izumi? Ah, eh… is a Itaru Chigasaki there?”

- “Itaru? Yes, I can give him a message, who’s calling?”

- “Ah, tell him it’s [Name] from the store, I was just worried about him…”

- “[Name], huh? Wait, you mean you’re [Name] [Last Name]?”

- “Ehh… yes?”

- Turns out Itaru had told his roommate maybe wife maybe kid(?) about you?

- You didn’t know he had roommates, he looked well off so why couldn’t he afford a house? Maybe she was a girlfriend and they were in a open relationship? So many questions…

- You thought you wouldn’t really mind but it turns out your cheeks were now bright red when Izumi explained how Itaru had been talking about you often and promptly invited you to check up on Itaru, who was in fact ill. She also gave you a rundown of the situation, turns out he was part of some acting company and she was the director, so with a lighter heart you decided to take her up on going over to check on him.

- Big mistake.

- You were going to stop by after work, you decided, you’d also go and buy him some soup for his stomach just in case. You arrived at the house and welcomed inside by a smiling Tachibana and a strange bird before you were given a rundown of some rules.

- “Knock first, always knock first. If you hear anything between a grunt or a yes you’re in the clear, if you hear anything like a groan or a curse wait before knocking again. If you happen to hear something falling over or a scream I’ll text you when it’s safe for you to come over again. You seem like a nice person, so please don’t forget any of the rules! Now- go!”

- She quickly pushed you in front of the door and knocked for you before bolting behind the stairs, you received a quick thumbs up before she hid again.

- You were now alone in a dorm room looking for a grown man who had called in sick to a date with you, this wasn’t exactly how you thought your friday evening was going to go. You knock the door and put your ear next to the wood… no grunt, had Izumi explained what a no-grunt meant?

- You look at her general direction where she looks confused but encourages you to go in, so you shrug it off before turning the handle around - you end up falling over when the door is opened by the man of the hour himself.

- “Oi, Izumi- now that this match is over you can come in with the-! Ah… [Name], this is… embarrassing,” Itaru had turned around ready to scold Izumi when instead he came to see you.

- He looked like shit- he really did, not only because he was sick but because his room was a mess. You knew he liked gaming but this… this was too extreme, was this what they called a gap moe?

- “What the hell…?”

- He invites you in quickly- shoving chips and cans left and right before sitting you down on a couch.

- “What are you doing here- ACHOO!”

- You explained how worried you were about him- how he didn’t answer your calls and so you came to visit with soup (you felt the need to highlight the soup).

- He thanked you for the thought before looking around the room awkwardly remarking it’d be best you left- the flu was contagious after all.

- It was an awkward reaction, even for him- something Izumi doesn’t fail to note once you leave, unlike when anyone else would come in; Itaru couldn’t find it in himself to scold you or threaten you with an immediate and painful death.

- You leave the room quickly and wave goodbye- but not before he slips you a note with a bunch of numbers scribbled on.

- When you arrive home that night you finally realise what it said; it was his friend code.

- And that’s how your first date was on a island in ACNH he made for the date. And that’s how he asked you out too.

- Fucking nerd.

- You were crafting some furniture for your island (which he had happily helped you plan out) when he asks you out via chat.

- Your response? You used the shocked and glad reactions, the only valid reaction.

- Dating him includes video game dates; any server based game multiplayer is used to seeing you two doing some cringe couple shit.

- You will have to bathe him, he can go days without taking a bath so get ready to shove him in a tub.

- He’s not very good at being a boyfriend sometimes, he struggles in the emotional aspect. He’ll base himself a lot in dating sims, like it’s kind of cute but it can be scary if he uses the wrong dating sim.

- Will kabedon you for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only; one, he genuinely wants to know if it works like ??? does it really make people swoon is it really that cool ?? and two, it’s been a life long dream of his let him have this.

- Itaru can be both mature and kind of childish, you’ll have to stomach a lot of tantrums when you get in the way of gaming. But he’s also not a kid, he can be surprisingly mature when he wants to.

- He takes the relationship very seriously, most of the time; he genuinely likes you and he tries to leave gaming but he struggles.

- So, you decide to combine two things; you + games. You’ll go visit him often and play games together on his couch.

- He’s so fucking happy when you do that, it’s cute. He doesn’t mind you using his clothes but do not touch his yellow-tiger bomber jacket he only uses when gaming. Do not.

- Itaru will let you play with his hair while he plays games, he lets you use butterfly clips and shit too.

- Just don’t expect him to go out like that he’ll fucking riot.

- “Banri will freak out-“ “Omi bring the camera Itaru has fucking butterfly-clips on, Taichi film this shit- he’s wearing clips! And they’re buttefly ones, funniest shit I’ve seen!”

- Banri 100% teases the fuck out of him when it comes to you but Itaru will come back with some cheesy shit to make him uncomfortable.

- “It’s not my fault we two fell in love-“

- “I swear to fucking god if you go on another rant I’ll destroy you and your whole blood line with my pinky.”

- The dorm is kind of surprised how much more social Itaru can be with you- they’re so used to seeing him shut himself in with games, but now that you two are together he comes out more often to spend time with you.

- He can be kind of cold and emotionally distant but after awhile you learn that that’s just how Itaru works. He’s kind of aloof and awkward and he can come off as rude sometimes? He just be like that you know.

- That both the shut-in gamer and businessman are the same guy and that you… l*ve him for it.

- Play games with him please- just do it.

[doublegrinch]

Charmed! 2021 con log

takes out a chair and sets it down, sits on it backwards

Alright, shouting void, we need to talk.

So...last weekend, I attended Charmed!. Me, a tenured lurker who only a few short months ago was struggling to say one (1) thing in a Discord.

I can't tell you what that means to me.

(I mean, um. I'm gonna try. This is a con log.)

Now, obviously I can't name names, because of the private nature of the event; I'm gonna err on the side of caution on that one, as I understand one is meant to do. Some people reading this* might recognize themselves – and if you do, hi! You're awesome! – but I'll keep all the non-public details vague enough.

Thursday!

No, actually, things started the night before for me.

Wednesday!

As the server opened, people were posting intros, and after obsessing over mine for mumble I posted one. I'm sure glad I did, because a wonderful person decided to reach out to me.

Like...what? Someone wanted to talk to me? Just like that? I had gone into this thinking "oh these social rooms are so intimidating, welp guess it's wallflower time" but then this person just ups and talks to me. And we totally clicked! We'd end up chatting all through the weekend and beyond.

Like...what?! It's not even day one and I'm already making friends?

What?!

Thursday (for real this time)

Came right out of work – which was not a productive day, lemme tell you; somehow I was distracted – and into the 101. Four hours of intense learning goodness, and a perfect introduction to the wonderfulness that was that weekend.

I stayed engaged throughout – a testament to the skills of the presenters! – but socially crashed right after. That would become a running theme of the weekend; turns out even after being deprived of social contact for a whole-ass year, I am very much still an introvert.

Friday

Started the day off right with a class on consent. Not only was this very useful info and a great class, it was smaller and much more chill than the previous one, which was a perfect start for the day.

Then, I went to the coolest class on behavior and conditioning. Seriously, it was so informative. And funny! I kinda know the presenter too, and it was their first class, so I was all like "get it!!!" I came out of it with two main takeaways:

A whole new lens through which to view behavior and how it's influenced. Like, all behavior

A powerful need to buy a particular pen

Then the class on Imposter Syndrome. This was honestly just a balm on a lot of old fears. Not really about kink, because I'm so new I'm "pre-imposter", so to speak; but about writing, and work, and life in general.

I expected to come out with a better understanding of my feelings; I actually came out with not only that, but also some actionable techniques I could use to help with some of my nastier brain goblins. Seriously, if that class's presenter ever reads this : thank you, sincerely.

(Also, seeing some actual living legends attending that class drew in sharp relief what I always suspected to be true : we're all like this sometimes. We're all in this together.)

And then – are you exhausted reading this? Cause I sure was living it! – I went to my fourth class that day, and watched two presenters with such obvious chemistry demonstrate clearly how to Do Things and how Not To Do Things. It was funny, it was instructive, it was lovely. There was a cat at one point.

(Seriously, how is everybody at this con so nice?)

Then in the evening, I was the only one who showed up to a card game (I think everyone else was just exhausted). Only instead of having an Awkward Social Moment I ended up having a lovely chat with someone I'd seen in passing on the Discords but never really talked to before. I dunno what it is about the con atmosphere that just allows these connections to be made; just the tiny push you need to go out and meet people. It's great.

And then I went to bed EXHAUSTED, but so happy.

Saturday!

My brain woke me up at 6 am that morning. Which, since I live in the same timezone as the con, and had planned to skip the first round of classes, it did NOT need to do. Thanks, brain.

Classes!

Since I was up, I went to a class on safety. Good info, cause safety's important, yo.

I went to the Ace and Kinky roundtable! This was such a moment for me. Just sitting around and sharing experiences with people. Just...wow. As I said at the time : I am experiencing validation. Still processing what it means to me actually.

A class about how different dom styles are all valid! As someone who's very insecure in their toppiness, that's a wonderful help

And then, in the evening, the actual card game. Like any good Cards Against Humanity game, this had

Lots of people saying "oh no"

Being kind of skittish about being really awful, then getting a round so horrible you go "oh wow, people came to PLAY huh?"

"That one's too real"

Saying stuff aloud you really wish the neighbors don't hear

A whole bunch of quotes that #overhead-at-charmed was mercifully spared from

Laughter

Human bonding. From my end, at least

Then after we gave the winner the Shame Crown, I went to bed with an even bigger smile on my face. I mean come on! I'm supposed to be Double Grinch, no fair making me all happy and shit.

SuNdAy!

(Can you hear the exhaustion in that title?)

Started the day off with a writing class. Y'ever sit in on a panel of your favorite hypno-smut authors, some of whom have had a direct hand in your own work finally getting read after years of anxious avoidance, and watch them talk about a whole bunch of stuff that makes you go "they're just like me" among other wisdoms? Cause it's a weird, wonderful feeling

Also of note is I was "chatting in the back of the class" a lot of the time on Discord. Which was the best, most belonging-est feeling. And since it wasn't IRL, it didn't bother the presenters!

Weird non-convention pocket of time

So I was torn between which class to attend on the next block, or whether I should take it easy cause I was so tired you guys, oh my god, but then that choice was made for me when a friend from real life – remember real life? – called me to chat. I had A Real Time™ booting my brain in normal human mode for the duration of the call.

That call lasted until five minutes before the block after that one – I talk a lot. You're shocked, I know.

End weird non-convention pocket of time

Aaaand we're back in con space! Last class of the con was...intense, to say the least. Like not even in a bad way, necessarily, but with the exhaustion and all eventually the demo got to be Too Much and I had to bail. It was still good and informative and I took down lots of notes, but yeah, weird feeling.

And then, just like that, it was over! Just like my social meter.

When I went in to this, I had two goals:

Learn things

Be social

That's absolutely a check and check. Gotta think of some more ambitious goals for the next one. But keep those, too.

So, shouting void, what have we learned?

We've learned that I Can Go To Cons™. And that they can be wonderful, intense, magical, intense, spectacular, intense moments filled with learning and human connection.

And to the community builders out there. You know who you are. You folks made the spaces that felt safe enough for this aging fool to dust off an old dream. Thank you.

* except nobody reads this, right? Right.

[heyyyharry]

Christmas Eve (one shot)

...in which Y/N can't stop thinking about the love that got away.

Angst with fluff, artist!Harry

Word count: 3.2k

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!

~~~

“Did you know that standing while eating burned more calories?”

“That’s so not true.” Her boyfriend scoffed as he took her hand and pulled her away from the buffet table.

“Buffets make you fat. Now that’s a fact.”

She faked a smile when he burst out laughing at his own joke which, as always, she didn’t find funny.

It was Christmas Eve and they were at a friend’s house for a party that was supposed to be fun. But as she looked around at the sparkling and colourful decorations and drunk party people chatting and dancing and drinking wine, Y/N couldn’t get herself to feel as happy as her boyfriend expected her to be. She had suggested spending Christmas Eve at home where it was just the two of them, but he didn’t like that idea and now she’d started to regret coming here with him.

They walked around, saying hi to a few friends, well, his friends, to whom he didn’t even bother to introduce her. But thanks to the guy who’d brought up a controversial topic and got the others riled up, her boyfriend got distracted and she managed to sneak away.

Y/N only wandered around the house for a bit before ending up at the buffet table again. Eating made her less socially anxious, so she always looked for food when she was at a social gathering and didn’t know anyone. But to be honest, she wasn’t even hungry or anxious now. She just wanted to stay far away from the crowd. And maybe, just maybe, she was hoping for something else.

.

.

.

“Did you know that standing while eating burned more calories?”

As soon as Y/N finished that question and the person turned around, she wanted nothing more than to dig herself a hole. With a plate of sweets in one hand, a cupcake in the other, the stranger gave her the kind of look that one would give you if you showed up in a party dress at a funeral.

“Really?” He popped his dimples, not wanting to embarrass her even more as she covered her face with both hands, groaning loudly.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I thought you were my brother.”

It was only when the man let out a soft chuckle that she gained the courage to drop her hands and glance back up to his face. She almost blurted out that her brother wasn’t half as good-looking, but thankfully she stopped herself just in time.

“Harry,” he said as they shook hands. His handshake was firm, and she loved people who gave firm handshakes. Especially good-looking people.

“I’m Y/N.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, chuckling nervously. “Sorry about that again.”

“It’s fine.” Harry gave a shrug, raising a finger. “Interesting fact though. I think I’ll be standing while eating from now on.”

“It burns at least 50 calories more." 

Y/N quickly covered her mouth, but Harry seemed rather impressed by that knowledge than weirded out by it.

“You’re funny, Y/N. Want a cupcake?” He offered her the plate, grinning from ear to ear. “Have one and we’ll stand here and talk to burn all those calories.”

Y/N couldn’t help but snort then rolled her eyes and grabbed a cupcake. How wonderful was it that she'd completely forgotten they were at a party she didn’t want to be at, and she was supposed to be looking for her brother and ask him to take her home. She barely knew this guy, but she wanted to, and she’d rather spend Christmas Eve getting to know him than go home and be alone.

They chatted for a bit, switching topics constantly but never running out of things to say. Harry told her he didn’t know many people there and had only come because his sister was dating the party host and wanted to hook him up with one of his friends, who, fortunately, couldn't make it tonight.

“Aww, that sucks.”

“Don’t lie,” he said, beaming at the way she pouted. “I know you’re glad my potential date didn’t show up.”

“Are you implying that I’m flirting with you?” She crossed her arms and her little gasp made him cackle.

“Oh, so you’re telling me you really thought I was your brother?” He raised an eyebrow before looking around the room. “Where is this brother who looks like me anyway? I haven’t seen him.”

Smirking, she grabbed both of his shoulders and spun him around, pointing to the man in the same plain blue sweater standing across the room.

“Oh, shit.” The smile on his face dropped, making her guffaw. “He does look like me from that angle. Now I’m embarrassed.”

“Nah, don’t be.”

“Why? Because you were flirting with me?” He turned back, his dimples had reappeared.

“In your dreams.” Y/N scoffed and looked away, but from the smirk on his handsome face, she knew he could tell she was lying.

.

.

.

“Y/N! I’m so glad you could make it!”

When Gemma greeted her with a tight hug, she was startled and speechless for a full second. It’d been so long since they last saw each other let alone had a proper conversation, and the weirdest thing was how she had expected to see Gemma there, but was still surprised to run into her.

“How long has it been? Eight months?” Gemma pulled away, still holding her shoulders.

She gave a shy smile, tucked her hair behind her ear and murmured, “ten.”

She really wanted to tell Gemma she’d missed her and her family, and the only reason she hadn’t talked to them for ten months was because of her ex, Gemma’s brother. She had thought it would’ve been weird to have stayed in touch with them after the breakup, but it was nice to know Gemma had been thinking about her.

“I thought you weren’t coming!” Gemma said, making her chuckle.

“Well, it was a last-minute decision. We were gonna have a small dinner at home but then we figured it’d be more fun here.”

By ‘we’, she meant ‘my boyfriend’, she just didn’t want to say it aloud; and judging from the look on Gemma’s face, the older Styles might already know the truth.

Gemma nodded once and turned her head to look at Y/N’s boyfriend who was talking to her fiancé and a few other guys. Who would have thought her current boyfriend would be friends with her ex’s sister’s fiancé? Was it really a small world or was she just really unlucky?

Gemma changed the subject by asking about her life, her new job, her new relationship. After all, there had been a lot of ‘new’s for her in the last ten months as for Gemma, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t pay attention to Gemma’s stories. She felt awful for it, but couldn't help it. It was almost like a curse. She still saw him in his sister, in the way she talked, in the way she smiled and in the look in her eyes. He was everywhere, all around her, inside of her. And in a split second, she wondered, had it ever been the same for him? Somewhere in Paris, at that very moment, was he seeing her too?

.

.

.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don’t care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree.

“Oooh, I love this song! Come on!”

“No, I hate it!” Y/N burst into giggles as Harry grabbed her hand and pulled her to the middle of the dancing crowd.

Dancing wasn’t her thing. She was too awkward to not feel self-conscious whenever she did something like that in public, but that night, with him, she felt nothing but joy and she couldn’t stop jumping around and screaming the lyrics she’d got tired of hearing at every Christmas party.

“I just want you for my own! More than you could ever know! Make my wish come true! All I want for Christmas is you!”

Harry was singing at the top of his lungs as was she. He had both arms locked around her waist while hers were around his neck. Suddenly, he asked, “what do you do for a living?”

“Huh?”

“What do you do for a living?” he repeated the question, this time pressing her against him to whisper into her ear. And she liked that, she liked being close to him.

“Uhh…I own a clothing shop!” she uttered, laughing nervously as they kept on dancing. “You?”

“I’m an artist.”

“Oh, you draw?”

He proudly nodded. She loved the passion in his eyes when his career was brought up. What could you ask for more in a man?

“I paint too,” he added. “And I know what you’re thinking.”

“What?”

“Artists don’t make a lot of money, if at all,” he said, making her gasp.

“I’m offended, sir! I was actually thinking, ‘wow, an artist? Hot!’“

When she started fanning herself, he tossed his head back and laughed out loud. Then he spun her around and she stumbled back into his arms, her hands on his shoulders, their foreheads together.

“You gotta show me one of your works later.”

“Sure.” Harry chuckled. “I can even draw you, if you want!”

“Like one of your French girls?”

The Titanic reference made him snort.

“Oh, that's even better,” he said, giving a playful smirk. “I hate drawing clothes anyway.”

.

.

.

She still had it in her wallet. Her portrait sketched on a piece of scrap paper he’d found in Gemma’s boyfriend’s living room. She had told herself to throw it away along with the rest of his stuff in her drawers, but after two years, it was still there, safe and good as new.

She sat alone on the stairs, staring at the portrait and a nonchalant smile slowly spread across her lips without her knowing.

I don’t want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need...

A different remix of the same song took her back to that night. She would blame it on the champagne she’d had earlier, but deep down she knew those memories were her safe haven and she had let herself drown in them by choice.

Right there, by the Christmas tree, she saw the two of them. It was scary how she still remembered vividly the clothes they'd worn that night. They were younger, carefree, and happy. And they were dancing and singing and having the best time of their lives. And she smiled a broken smile while watching herself and him fade away while holding each other tightly.

Reality sank back in, and what she was really looking at made her jaw drop.

She saw her boyfriend kissing another girl.

The son of a bitch must have thought she’d gone home without him so he didn’t even bother to hide. But with all those people around them, those who knew her, was he not ashamed at all? Or did he not care enough to be ashamed? Whatever, she thought, it didn’t matter anymore.

She stormed toward them and yanked the cheater away from the other girl. Before he could open his mouth, her fist collided with his nose, causing him to stumble backwards and hit a table. She gasped in pain. Everybody gasped in shock. And without waiting for the asshole to react, she flipped him off and marched away, not wanting to waste another second on a loser like him.

.

.

.

“Are you done yet?”

“Almost!” Harry giggled as he pressed the end of his pencil to her jaw to adjust her face. “You don’t rush art, Y/N. Now stop moving.”

Y/N could easily see the mischievous grin on his face, so she stole a quick glance at the piece of paper on his knee and realised he'd already finished.

“Hey!”

Harry burst out laughing when she took the piece of paper from his hands.

“I finished five minutes ago. I just wanted to mess with you.”

She shot him a glare, yet couldn’t hide the little grin on her face when she admired the drawing. “This is really good, Harry.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I know nothing about art but...I know talent when I see one.”

“That...” he gripped the left side of his chest, his bottom lip quivering, “doesn’t make any sense.”

Y/N swatted him on the arm as he tossed his head back, cackling. “Just take it as a compliment," she said.

“Thank you.” He smiled. “Consider that as a Christmas present. Merry Christmas.”

“Aww, but I have nothing to give you.”

Harry didn’t respond. He only smiled. It was really strange how she’d only known this man for a couple of hours and yet she found it so easy to read him. They leaned closer at the same time, their forehead resting against each other, their noses brushing.

“Lady first,” he jokingly whispered while stroking her cheeks. And with a beam, she closed her eyes, slowly closing the distance between their lips and kissing him lightly.

.

.

.

“We’ve kicked him out,” said Gemma as she sat down on the couch with Y/N and wrapped both arms around her. “Are you okay?”

Y/N took a moment to rearrange her thoughts. “Yes and no,” she said with a sigh.

Her answer resulted in a frown on Gemma’s face. “That sounds bad.”

“Yeah, well...I’m sad, but...not because of him.”

It was the first time in ten months that she’d admitted to someone that she was sad. Even though it didn’t magically make her problem go away, it did feel slightly better to get it off her chest.

Gemma didn't need to ask her why. She only nodded, because she already knew.

“Have you...talked to him?”

“Since he left?” Y/N scoffed, still fidgeting with her phone. “No. He never called so...I thought ‘why bother?’”

“He asked about you, you know?”

It was only then that she looked up, unable to hide the hopefulness in her eyes. "He did?"

Gemma nodded once. "He was afraid you’d never forgive him for what had happened.”

She guessed Gemma was waiting for her to answer. But what? What was even the question?

“I don’t know, Gem,” she breathed. “I-I just knew from the moment we met that he was passionate about his career and that was what I loved about him and...and I would’ve sacrificed anything for him to be where he is now...working in Paris, owning a gallery, becoming recognised for his hard work.” She took a short pause to suck in a breath before her eyes fell back to her hands on her lap. “I just...I just wish he’d given us a chance. I know...a long-distance relationship is really hard, but what if it’d worked out for us? We might still be together now, but we’ll never get to find out because he didn’t want to even give us a chance. And I...I didn't even...didn't even get to say goodbye. He just got on a plane and...and left...He c-could've said goodbye...”

Gemma was at a loss for words when she saw Y/N tear up. Knowing Gemma, Y/N guessed she'd wanted to say "it's going to be fine", but after everything that'd happened tonight, even Gemma couldn't tell that lie to her face. The long heavy silence that followed was the sign for Y/N to get up and wipe her eyes.

“I’d better go home," she said, hugging herself.

Gemma quickly stood up. “Don’t you want to celebrate Christmas here? There’s only a few minutes left.”

“No, I’m good. Thanks for everything, Gem." 

When Y/N reached the door, she suddenly remembered one thing.

"Gem?"

"Yeah?"

"The next time you talk to him...tell him he’s forgiven." Her lips curved into a small smile. "And I wish him the best. I really do."

.

.

.

“Why don’t people countdown on Christmas Eve like they do on New Year’s Eve?”

“Probably because we’re just more eager to say goodbye to the old year?” Harry gave a shrug, squeezing her hand a bit tighter.

They continued walking down the street together. It was getting cold, so she stayed close to his side and they were sharing his scarf, which was thankfully long enough for them both.

“I guess the feeling of starting a new chapter is more exciting,” he added, shoving her hand and his into the pocket of his coat, their fingers stayed intertwined. “It gives us the feeling of being more in control. Like, it’s easier to draw on a beautiful blank page than on top of another drawing or a crumbled piece of paper.”

His example made her grin. “You’re such an artsy nerd.”

“You’re lucky of all people you could’ve met at that party, you ended up leaving with an artsy nerd.”

The playful remarked earned him a swat on the arm but also another peck on the cheek.

“Does this count as starting a new chapter?” she asked, grinning up at him.

He pursed his lips, thinking for a second before locking eyes with her again. She felt like she was dreaming, but he reminded her that she wasn’t by giving her hand another squeeze. Then he looked at his watch, inhaling deeply.

“Fifteen seconds.”

“14...13...” she started counting and he joined her as well.

“...5...4...3...2...Merry Christmas!”

Harry grabbed the girl by surprise, pulling her in for a passionate kiss that took both of their breath away. And when they broke apart, Y/N couldn't help it, she had to kiss him again. She wished this night would last, or at least they would.

Will you stay, Harry? Will you stay with me?

.

.

.

Y/N had underestimated the cold tonight. She tried walking faster, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, but the night air was blowing out her heat faster than her own body could replace it.

She should’ve driven there by herself. No, she should not have come at all. How could she be so stupid to think she could just jump into a new relationship and find instant happiness when she obviously didn’t even know the guy that well. She'd paid the price by watching him make out with another girl and getting her knuckles bruised because of that.

Merry fucking Christmas!

Wait...

Y/N stopped in her tracks and hurriedly pulled out her phone. She raised her left wrist to check the time on her watch.

Ten more seconds.

“10...9...8...7...” she started counting, her heart was beating in sync with the ticking of the watch. She didn’t really hope that something magical would happen when she counted to one. She just wanted for this to be a fresh start, a new chapter written on a brand new page.

“3...2...”

Ding!

A text popped up on the screen of her phone right when the clock showed 12:00 AM December 25.

Merry Christmas

From...

...Harry.

Her entire body turned paralyzed. She gripped her phone tightly, afraid it'd slip and crack on the hard pavement and she would never get to know if that text was real. Her hand was shaking right now, but before she could get herself together, another text popped up.

Harry: Turn around.

And she did.

"Hi..."

And there he was.

"I'm home."

[writingtoforgetreality]

I thought he could help us (Dean Winchester x Reader)

[Supernatural-Masterlist]

Summary: You were sure that you guys will never be able to beat Chuck, or better said, God. After literally trying everything, an idea popped into your head. Of course you would not tell anyone, knowing the guys, especially Dean, would freak out. So you did what you thought was right: sneaking out one night to go & talk to Chuck.

Words: 2,872

Warnings: angst, language, Chuck being Chuck, protective Dean, mentions of cheating, fluffy ending bc I can´t write a heartbreaking story

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You should all be happy right now. Everything you had ever wanted was right in front of you. Dean, the best boyfriend you could have ever imagined. Sam, who was like a big brother to you. Cas, the awkward friend you had never wanted but also somehow craved. Last but not least, Jack, who you would die for in a heartbeat. Being hunters had never been easy. The supernatural beings that lived in the dark corners always haunting you but you learned to fight them. They were scared of your badass team, not the other way round. So why, why the hell did Chuck have to make life so much harder for you? A few years ago, you all got together to fight Amara only to find out now that he had everything planned out for you guys. How fucked up could one being be? And how fucked up was it that this being was the God out of everyone?

“This is useless!” you breathed out.

The entire team was seated in the library, desperate to find something, anything slightly helpful. This was how your days looked like if you did not have a case. Just sitting around the big ass table, reading lore & hoping you would find a clue how to defeat God. Defeat God...was that even possible? Right now, you were not so sure but you could not stop now. Not after everything you had been through. This should be easy, right?

“(Y/N)…“ Sam sighed. “We´ve been through this, haven´t we?“ he tried reasoning.

“Well, apparently this entire thing doesn´t help one bit. I don´t understand how you guys can just sit there & do the same shit over & over again. We´re fucked, okay? The sooner we realize this, the better.“ you started growing frustrated.

“Sweetheart…” Dean started speaking up.

“No, Dean! I´m tired. Clearly, reading books for days is not the answer. We need to start thinking outta the box, y´know?” you were hinting your idea but not daring to speak it out loud. They would kill you, for sure. Or ask if you were insane. How could you not in this situation.

“Out of the box...Means what exactly?” Dean looked at you in confusion, obviously not knowing what you were truly saying.

“Look, (Y/N), we have three hunters, a nephilim who is stronger than everything I´ve ever seen & an angel.” this was Cas´ voice that made you look up to him.

“We can do this together, (Y/N), I´m sure!” the confidence in Jack´s voice made you smile slightly. He sure was a little naive but he just wanted to keep the team positive which was cute, really.

“You know what, guys? I need a little break. You do, too. Let´s just stop for today, clear our heads & start again tomorrow. Now, how does that sound?” you faked a smile, unaware to the others. You had become quite trained in faking emotions. That came with being a hunter, you guessed.

The others nodded at you, closed their books & made their way out of the library.

It was 10 pm when you checked the time. As far as you could tell, the entire bunker was asleep, which was good considering the thing you were about to do. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Dean sleeping soundly. Ever since the two of you had started sleeping in one bed, the nightmares were not as frequent anymore. You silently made your way out of your shared room, only taking your phone with you. A few hours prior, you had already prepared an outfit & placed it in the garage. This way, you would not wake anybody. Still, while walking down the halls, you tried to be as quiet as possible, making sure nobody was up & wandering in the bunker. Arriving at the garage, you let out a breath you did not know you were holding. You started thinking now. Was this really the right decision? Everyone else would have said that you were about to commit suicide. On the other hand, you did not really have a choice. If you did not do this, you would die anyway. There was nothing left to lose. Stripping out of your oversized t-shirt you once stole from Dean, you imagined to conversation you were about to have. Then you stopped for a second. What if he decided not to show up at all? He was not able to track you guys, thanks to Cas who burned some sort of marks into your ribs. Throwing on your outfit, you knew you had to give it a try. Just telling him your coordinates, in a prayer, of course. He had to show up. Before the overthinking got the best of you, you tucked your phone in one of your pockets & made your way outside in the chilly air. Due to the adrenaline you felt, you could barely feel the coldness hitting your skin.

After a while of walking, a park bench came into your view. Right at a crossroad. You had never been there but that was what you wanted to achieve. Being as far away from your family as possible. There was not a single car which somehow comforted & scared you at the same time. Seating yourself onto one side of the bench, you fiddled with your hands in your lap. A few deep breaths steadied you & after a couple of minutes, you were sure that you were ready. It was now or never.

“Um...hi, God...Chuck, I mean. Here´s (Y/N), you know, the one who´s with the Winchesters & stuff. I know you can hear me & you´re probably asking yourself why the hell I decided to pray to you. Funny enough, I´m sorta lost. We are, actually. I know you could kill me if I give you my location now but honestly, I don´t really care right now. Look, I just wanna talk, okay? I´m alone here, it´s just me & I hope you are open to talk to me here, Collar Road 16. I´ll be here until the sun starts to rise. If you don´t show up, okay, that´s fine but I would really appreciate it if you decide to come. I´ll be here.” your voice was low, scared that someone would hear you even though you were completely alone. Checking your phone, you had no new notifications. Perfect, you managed to sneak out. It was Chuck´s turn now. The sunrise was hours away so you hoped he would come & talk to you (& not kill you, that would be nice).

Seconds turned into minutes & minutes into hours. You started losing hope. How dumb were you to think God wanted to talk to you when you were literally trying to find a way to kill him?

“Kinda dangerous for you to be here alone, without your boyfriend to protect you, don´t you think?” Chuck´s voice startled you & you looked at him in surprise. Not wanting him to sense your nervousness, you cleared your throat & straightened your posture.

“I can handle myself, thanks for your concern.” smirking at him, his eyes bored into you which sent a shiver down your spine. You felt so uncomfortable under his presence that you almost forgot the reason you two were here.

“Attitude, I see.” he chuckled.

“You were busy, huh? Letting me wait for so long.”

“Actually, no. Just wanted to test your patience.” Chuck had so much fun & your anger started to rise. You knew though, that one wrong word could have you killed so you took a deep breath.

“I wanna talk to you.” you stated the obvious.

“I figured that much. So? Go ahead.” Chuck turned so his body was facing you, signaling you that he was paying attention to what you wanted to get off your chest.

“I´m pretty sure you know about our little...plan to, well, you know...stop you?” the last part came more out as a question, not wanting to cross any lines. He was God after all. He raised his eyebrows, motioning for you to continue.

“I´m not gonna lie, we didn´t find shit, okay? Like, we´re stuck. And I hate the fact that we´re at a point where almost everyone thinks the only solution is to fight each other. Yeah, I don´t agree with everything you did but that doesn´t mean that I´d like to kill you. You´re God, after all, you created this beautiful place which does have flaws, I´m not gonna deny that.” Chuck let out a laugh at that & you kept going.

“I´m tired of keeping this fight up. Hunting the supernatural, I´m fine with, I can deal with that but fighting against you? That´s something I really don´t wanna do.” you rambled. Even tears started forming, you did not want to cry in front of him but you could not hold back any longer.

“Who knows you´re here, talking to me?” he completely ignored everything you just said & earned a confused look from you.

“Really? That´s what matters? Nobody, okay? I didn´t tell anyone because I knew they would try to stop me somehow. Could you, like, give me any reaction to what I told you?” the frustration was audible & the tears now were forming because of his ignorance.

“(Y/N).” he started. “I hope you know that, out of all of them, I like you the most. That´s why I came here, that´s why I let you talk. Would Sam or Dean sit here, I´d kill them, well, obviously making it look like an accident, I´m not dumb. You´re special, (Y/N), you should be grateful you´re still alive. I´ll give you a choice. Either, you start working with me & you´ll see why I act that way or...you´re going back to your boys & we´re officially at war. Just know, if you walk away now, I won´t be as kind. Your decision, darling.” he shot you a smile but stopped when he saw the rage inside your eyes. He thought you would join him, he really did. You knew your answer, though.

“Fuck. You. You. Asshole.” your voice sounded monotone. You could not look at him anymore, all you did was getting up & running away as fast as possible, scared that he might follow you. Obviously, he did not. You made your choice & even though he was mad at you, he knew preparing for the fight was a better idea.

While you were running, the tears streamed down your face. Why were you so upset with Chuck´s answer? It was not like you did not know him & his intentions. You just truly thought you could change him. The sun had already started rising & you just hoped you were not too late. You were not in the mood to come up with a lie when someone of the guys asked you where you were. Forgetting you should enter through the garage because it was way more quiet, you opened the main door, flinching when it squeaked. But before you could even process that, you could hear a rather mad voice from downstairs.

“Look who decided to show up.” Dean sounded so cold, you could barely recognize his voice. Looking down, you saw Sam, Dean, Cas & Jack all seated around the big table in the main room. Shit, you were gone too long. Of course, your day could get worse, amazing.

“Guys, I can explain, I swear.” honestly, you just wanted to win time to think of a lie to tell them.

“Cut the crap, (Y/N)!” Dean almost screamed. “Get down. Now.” his voice was demanding. To be honest, you were never scared of Dean but right now, you could feel yourself shaking.

“Dean, calm down, okay? Let´s talk about it like matures.” Sam always made sure you felt comfortable & right now, he could tell you were frightened.

“Calm down?! Sure, everyone would be completely calm if their girlfriend sneaks out at night & screws another man.”

“Dean? Are you saying I´m cheating on you? Are you serious? After everything you still don´t trust me?” you were full on sobbing, trying to keep yourself together but failing miserably.

“I wish I could say I trust you but it makes sense, really. You being so distant lately & now, sneaking out in the middle of the night, hoping none of us realizes. You´ve got to be a bit smarter, though.” Dean was hurting but he did not dare to show it, wanting you to feel bad.

“(Y/N)? You do owe us an explanation.” Cas´ voice was calm & made you feel a bit more at ease.

“Maybe she should just go back to whoever she was fucking, that´s better for all of us.” Dean said these hurtful words without even looking at you. He hated seeing you break down like that. You were taken aback. Dean, your Dean, wanted you to leave. This was all a big misunderstanding. As much as you hated it, you knew you had to clear things up. If you were about to leave, then at least with making sure Dean knew you were not cheating on him.

“Please...let me explain, please.” pleading, you looked over to Jack but he would not meet your gaze. Your eyes wandered off to Sam´s & he was the most understanding in this situation which you were thankful for.

“Sit down, yeah?” Sam pulled a chair out for you to sit. The others took the chairs opposite of you so you were facing them all. Well, not all, Dean´s eyes were glued to the floor & you could not even be mad at him. You were aware of his trust issues, of course.

“I´ve been distant because we were continuing a work that brought us nowhere. I tried figuring out what we could do to...to keep this upcoming fight away. I knew the only way was to talk to…um, you know, to talk to God.” that made Dean snap his eyes towards you. No, you did not. You looked into his eyes, seeing the disappointment & that hurt you like crazy.

“Um, anyway, I waited until you guys were asleep to go out & talk to him. Obviously far, far away from the bunker, I didn´t wanna bring you guys in danger.” while you said that you made sure to look rigt at Dean so he knew you were mainly talking about him.

“He showed up after I prayed to him. We talked, well, more like I tried to convince him to stop this stupid fight. All he said was that I could join him & work with him or I go back to you guys & the next time he sees us...he´ll kill me, us. Then I started running back home, he didn´t follow me if you´re concerned about that.” you hated how your voice shook trough your words. You were met with a silence but not a bad silence, the faces of Sam, Cas & Jack were full of relief. Mainly because you were alright but also because they knew you just wanted to help. Dean´s expression, on the other hand, you could not quite read.

“We´ll leave you two alone for now.” & with that Sam got up & rubbed your back. He motioned for Cas & Jack to follow him. Now, you were left with Dean only. Not knowing what to do, you decided to speak up.

“I´m sorry, De-.” but you were cut off by his voice, now much softer as earlier.

“He could´ve killed you, sweetheart. He could´ve killed you & I wouldn´t even have had a chance to say goodbye. The thought of losing you scares the shit out of me, okay?” Dean´s eyes were glistening & you felt bad that you were the reason why he felt that way.

“I´m so so sorry. I shouldn´t have done this, I know. I just...I didn´t know another way. I thought we had a chance if I go talk to him. I was wrong & I´m sorry I scared you. And I´m even more sorry that you thought I´d be cheating on you. I love you, Dean. Only you. Forever, I promise.” a few tears rolled down your cheeks & Dean got up, walked over to you & took you in for a long hug. You cried into his shirt, just glad he was with you.

“I know why you did it, I do. You always want to make it easier for us & I appreciate it. Just, next time you have such an idea, promise me you tell us, me at least. Then we can work something out, together, something way safer, okay? Just promise me.” he whispered into your ear, his words carefully chosen, wanting to make sure you knew how much he felt for you.

“I promise, Dean.” you looked up at him only to find his eyes already focused on you.

“I love you, (Y/N).” & with that, he pulled you in for a kiss that showed you how much he cared for you. Maybe you could not convince God but you had the best people & you were sure you would figure something out sooner or later.

Published (06/24/2020) by Cathy

[browneyedmissy]

Like a Friend

Pairing: Rafael Aveiro x Casey Valentine

Summary: Feelings run high after Rafael saved the boy on the bridge. OH2 Chapter 5 expansion

Author's Note: Welcome to my insomnia fueled quarantine writing where there is angst all around. I have many a drafts that I am working on in the wee hours of the morning.

Playlist: Missing You by John Waite, Save Your Tears by The Weekend, Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash, Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World, Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root

.

.

When Rafael saw that boy hanging, terrified, he knew he had to do something.

He drowned out Elijah's warning as he climbed down, feeling the adrenaline as he opened the hatchback and saw the driver in the passenger seat. He couldn't have been older than 16, Rafael concluded, the same age as some of the neighborhood boys were.

"Climb up to me slowly, no sudden movements." Rafael called out as the boy trembled.

"I can't. I'm shaking." He gripped harder onto the car and Rafael's eyes softened.

"What's your name?"

"Garrett." The driver said quietly.

"Garrett, my name is Rafael. Nice to meet you. It's okay to be scared. But I'm going to help you as much as I can. Can you climb through the seats for me?"

Rafael felt the car begin to sink as Garrett climbed over and froze, staring at him wildly.

"Hey, it's okay. Just a little bit more, okay, grab onto my hand."

The boy nodded and crawled over to Rafael as he saw rope drop down. He looked up to see long brown hair and a worried expression on Casey's face. He gave her a nod.

"Climb into my shoulders, I've got you." He said as Garrett obeyed.

"Rafael! The rope!" He heard Casey's voice as the car began to groan. He took a deep breath before leaping to grab the rope as the car plummeted to the river.

"We're okay, Garrett." Rafael said to the trembling boy on his shoulders as he climbed up. He heard the sirens of the ambulance approaching as he reached the bridge. Garrett slowly loosened his grip on him before sitting in disbelief on the sidewalk.

"Hey, look at me for a minute." They both turned to see Casey approaching him with an analytical face. She kneeled next to Garrett and briefly checked him out. "I don't see any injuries, just a heightened heart rate. I think you'll be fine but I want you to go get checked out just in case."

The boy looked at Rafael before throwing his arms around him. "Thank you so much, Rafael."

A few other paramedics came to escort him to the ambulance, leaving just Rafael and Casey. He felt a little awkward, sitting with her like that until she turned to face him.

"Show me your hands." She said briskly. He winced as he turned over his hands and she saw where the rope burn had started to settle in. She pursed her lips as she examined it.

Absently, Rafael noted that this was the closest Casey and him had been since they had broken up and he started dating Sora. They had agreed that they could be friends- but honestly, he hadn't seen much of her since besides an awkward hello as she passed him in the hallways. He had been as surprised as her when Elijah came up with her and realized it was the first time he had really seen her outside the hospital in a while.

"Only first degree so it could have been worse. But you'll want to wash that right away and wrap it." She concluded as she looked up. She blinked as she met his eyes, feeling the heat rise in her neck as she pulled away, dropping his hands.

"You should go see your supervisor." Casey said suddenly, standing up and brushing off her jeans. "I'm going to go find Elijah."

-

I'm sorry, Aveiro, but I have to suspend you for now.

Rafael sighed as he leaned back on the couch, covering his eyes with his arms. He had been trying to distract himself with his friends but he knew realistically he needed to come up with a plan. While his supervisor had a soft spot for him, she was also still tied up with paperwork from the tunnel collapse months ago and he knew realistically his job was unsure.

He heard a door as Casey stepped out in a pretty black and gold dress, her wavy brown hair pulled into a ponytail, highlighting the angles of her cheek and the soft curve of her neck.

"Is Jackie out here?" She asked, glancing around.

"No. Do you need her?"

"Umm..." She looked at her roommate's door as if it would open. "I need help zipping up the back of my dress."

"Oh. Umm, I can do that." He said, scratching the back of his head. They had agreed that they were good, but he wasn't quite sure what that really meant.

"I guess." Casey shrugged as she turned around, moving her hair over to the side. His fingers brushed over the warm skin of her back as he zipped up her dress. He took a step back and she turned around.

"Thanks." She cleared her throat as she stood awkwardly, crossing and uncrossing her arms. "Umm, how's Sora?"

"She's good. She's out on a business trip right now but she'll be back soon."

She gave an absent tug on her ponytail as she nodded. "I'm sorry to hear about your job, Raf."

Rafael gave her a half hearted shrug. "Can't do much about that. Chief hasn't been too pleased with me since the tunnel collapse. She had to file a lot of paperwork and she was upset that I put myself in danger."

Casey bit her lip in thought and he remembered the conversation they had in the low lights of the hospital.

"She and you had the same words for me when I woke from surgery." He laughed softly. "How I couldn't risk my life to be a hero."

Casey felt her blood run cold as she looked at him, shutting out the memories of his still body on the stretcher, how she heard Bryce and Harper's voices muffled in the air, everything blurring until she realized she was standing over his body with a surgical mask on.

"Well we agree for a reason. You weren't the one in the hospital when you were wheeled in, Raf." Casey said, surprised at the anger biting at her words. "We lost many people that day, Rafael. I don't remember their faces anymore because we were so overloaded. I just remember their names and I am thankful that your name didn't join that list. I still don't know what I would have done."

"Casey..." He hesitated. His mind flashed to the memories of him waking up with her dozing in the chair, ordering takeout for him and her cuddling up next to him watching TV.

"Part of the job. It's fine, Raf." She said shortly, giving him a dismissive shrug. "I just... When you were hanging off that bridge earlier. I don't know. I just got scared."

He frowned as her voice trembled with the last words. She was looking anywhere but at him now and he could feel the tension building in her shoulders.

"Our kryptonite." He said softly. "You hated when I put myself in danger and put others over myself."

Her head whipped as she looked up at him. "Because I'm selfish, Raf and I wanted you to stop putting yourself I'm danger. But I couldn't ask you to change that about yourself. We broke up because you were going to quit your job because of me."

He blinked, hesitating for a moment. "I wasn't-"

"You were considering it. You were considering it because you knew I was having nightmares and I couldn't be the reason why you tried to change yourself. I admired how much you loved people, Raf. It's what drew me to you in the first place. It's one of the reasons I loved you."

Too late, Casey realized, those last words had come out of her mouth. Rafael looked at her in surprise and she winced.

"I didn't know you felt that way." He said quietly.

"Felt. We're friends now." Casey corrected, feeling nauseous as the words came out. Her heart still broke a little everytime she saw him and shattered when she saw him with Sora. "We broke up. I care like a friend now, Rafael."

"You never told me you loved me when we were together, Casey." His eyes softened towards her and she suddenly felt trapped in her own skin. Every inch of her wanted to run because she couldn't handle being in front of him with those feelings beginning to surface.

"Neither did you." She finally whispered. "Doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past now."

"Casey..." Everything seemed to move in slow motion for her as he reached out to touch her cheek.

There was a turning of a doorknob and they both jumped apart as the door opened and Jackie emerged from her room. Jackie raised an eyebrow at the two of them and Casey gave her a slight shake of her head.

"Alright then, Sienna, Bryce and Aurora are going to meet us there." Jackie said as Rafael nodded, recognizing Casey's relief at the interruption. "Greene, let's go!"

Rafael gave Casey a backwards glance as he walked with Elijah but she was arm and arm with Jackie, speaking in hushed tones.

"Spill, Valentine. What happened just then?"

"You know. Feelings. Messiness." Casey let out a short derisive laugh before resting her head on her roommate's shoulder. "You don't normally care for this kind of talk."

"No, but you're my best friend and I know things have been awkward with you and Rafael."

"I appreciate that, Jackie. I just... I wish I could move past that stage with him, you know? This awkward yeah, let's be friends but not actually because feelings. What would you do?"

Jackie sighed, glancing at the back of Rafael's head. "I'm not good at this, Valentine. I actually like Superman too and you know that I don't like most people. Honestly, I would get over him by moving on rebound with someone else."

Casey bit her lip. "We broke up for a very real reason. We didn't break up because I don't love him."

"Don't or didn't love, Casey? I think you need to ask if that heartbreak worth having him in your life."

-

"Will you dance with me?"

Rafael turned to see Casey, reaching out her hand. He blinked at it, thinking about that night they had been under the stars in his neighborhood, dancing away the night.

She sensed his hesitation and she withdrew her hand. "If it's awkward, I'll just ask-"

"No! No, I'll dance with you." He blurted as he reached out to grab her wrist. He winced a little at his eagerness.

She bit her lip in thought for a moment before she turned her hand and put the other on his shoulder. His frame was a little stiff but it still felt so familiar that it made her heart ache.

"If I'm going to be honest, I've been avoiding you since we broke up." She admitted. "It just... It kinda hurt seeing you and especially when you started dating Sora again."

"Same. I missed you." He admitted. "It's not the same coming into the hospital without you. I used to bring the nurses coffee while I was there in hopes of seeing you."

He wondered for a moment whether or not he should have said those things. He thought for a moment about Sora, feeling a little guilty about the way his heart pounded when he heard Casey say that she had loved him.

Casey laughed softly. "I know. They all adore you for it."

"Are we okay then?"

There was a long pause and Rafael watched Casey bite her lip in contemplation.

"I had a good talk to Jackie earlier and she asked if a little bit of heartbreak was worth having you in my life." She said thoughtfully. "I had to think about it, but it is. You are a kind and selfless person and the world is lucky to have you in it. And I'm lucky to have you in my life, even just as a friend. I might need a little extra time and space, but I'm here for you, Raf."

He brought her closer and she hesitated before resting her head against his chest. His heart raced and he wondered if she could tell how fast it was beating.

"To moving on as friends." He said quietly into her hair. He felt a gnawing curiosity, a question that had crossed his mind earlier bubbling to come out.

"Can I ask, since we're just friends," Rafael said thickly. "When did you realize?"

He couldn't say the word love out loud. He and Casey were broken up and it didn't make a difference anymore but some part of him wanted to know.

"That night we did surgery on you. When you told me it was worth it to be crushed by rubble so that you could kiss me."

His grip on her upper back tightened. "The night you came with me to meet my vovo."

They danced in silence for the rest of the song and Casey had the sudden fleeting wish they could stand like that, in each other's arms and forget about everything else.

"I'll always care about you, Raf." She said as she took a step back. His arms were still warm against her as if he had the same thought as she did. His eyes met hers and his heart ached as the next words came out of her mouth. "To being friends."

He dropped his arms and nodded, his throat dry with the words he swallowed down.

"Right. Friends."

.

.

Tags:

@heauxplesslydevoted @hatescapsicum @cora-nova @princess-geek @flyawayboo @sunnyxdazed @loveellamae @my-remedy-is-euphoria @narrytheworld @drakewalker04 @annekebbphotography @drakewalkerfantasy

[writingforyourpleasure]

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Characters: GERARD WAY x Reader 

 Link to chapter four :   https://writingforyourpleasure.tumblr.com/post/616411340391759872/on-the-road-again

Warnings : None 

 Author’s note: Hello ! Hope you’re all doing okay during those strange times ? Sorry for not posting but I had my en-of-the-year exam, but it’s now done and , I only got a few homework to hand-over now and my second year in college’ll be done !Here you go thank you to keep reading .

5.      “ Pun-master “

  You woke up, feeling something or someone moving in front of you . You started to groan at the uncomfortable feeling not wanting to get up just yet.

“And what owe me the pleasure to be assisted by your presence tonight sir Way?” You said while looking for plates.

The mass finally moved away , listening to your complains .

You woke up what felt just five minutes later but probably was in reality hours after it. Your eyes fluttered slowly as if they were disconnected from your brain. A light shine from the outside was peeking through your tinted window as soon as you truly started to wake up , you realized that Gerard wasn’t here anymore.

“Right…” You breathed out to yourself. Honestly you didn’t want to wake up. You were scared , scared of overthinking this , and because of that you actually was overthinking it . Your brain wasn’t playing on your favor . You didn’t knew how you were gonna survive today. The worst was, you didn’t knew how to act with Gerard , what happened yesterday night wasn’t that big of a deal, really , but again ; you were overthinking it . You just wanted to act normal with him , and was prying your brain to not let you down once you’ll see him. You felt so stupid for having a crush on one of your coworker and friends. You got up and hoped for the best.

You got out of your nest , only to find that you were alone in the bus and that you already had arrived into the next parking’s venue . You went directly to the kitchenette and groaned realized that you guys were short on coffee. You finally resigned yourself and went for the shower.

You got out of the bus a dozen of minutes later to find the parking lot empty except for the security that was already keeping everything on check. You checked your phone to see that it was 3pm . You had enough time, to get yourself a coffee somewhere and not stressing about when to comeback since you didn’t had to repeat with Dex or anything. You put back in your , old black Green Day’s hoodie, pocket your phone . You’ve dressed yourself as unfashionable as it is socially allowed , your laziness was clearly reflecting itself through most of your actions today. You put your headphones on , listening to the last Fever 333’s album and searched on google maps for the nearest Starbucks, once again a reflect of your laziness you figured.

You arrived to the welcoming smell of dirty beans being ground and hot milk.

Once you got your order you looked around for a seat since the place was pretty full, luckily you got one in front of the glass and on both sides what appeared to be two couples . Great. You hope that you’ll be lucky and won’t have to witness the same amount of smooshing in both of them. The teenage one , on your right , were the ones all over each other, with the boy groping at every part accessible of his what-you-presumed-to-be his girlfriend. The one on your left were two men in suits holding each other hands while talking , you sat facing the widow and the other empty seat. You got out of your backpack your sketch book and a pencil starting to draw people passing by while music took you in other world. A tap on your shoulder took you of guard , you got off your headphones .

“Yes ?” you turned around your head to see who was trying to get your attention.

“Hey, is this seat taken ?” Dex was smiling down at you with a big smile.

You said nothing instead kicking the seat in front of you, back to the glass for them to seat.

“I feel like it’s been a while since we talked .” Dex said sitting and looking expectantly at you.

“What are you talking ‘bout we talked just yesterday.” You said not looking up from your sketch book.

“Don’t play dumb y/n , you know what I mean. Like just the two of us ?” Dex sighed , seeing that you decided to not play cooperative . This time you did look up to your friend with a blank expression . Watching their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It’s true , lately you tried to somewhat distance yourself since you were trying to figure out what the hell was happening with Gerard and you knew that being close to Dex would not help one second . Your friend knew how to read you even when you tried to hide something as well as you could. You had thinked that if Dex was about to ask questions it would make it weird since you were all working together . If you fucked up at any moments , you’ll have nowhere to hide and sometimes it can be a great deal of pain . But apparently you didn’t succeed not to make it awkward since your friend was not so happy that you act a little colder than usual . You were already fucking cold to any strangers , so to be cold to them was shitty. You sighed and run a hand through your now greasy hair . You needed to take a shower quickly , maybe it could wait after the show .

“Hey earth to y/n, hellooo?”

“Huh yeah sorry I was gone for a few…”

“Yeah no shit .”

“Sorry… like for all of it it’s true I’ve been kinda avoiding you guys.”

“Meh it happens , I mean it’s okay we all got our own problems.”

Dex tried to stay warm inside of the Starbucks but you could sense that being against a cold ass window wasn’t helped them to get the warmth that provided the Starbucks.

“I’m so cold….” They whispered as they took a gulp from their drink.

“Well….then stand in a corner .” You replied taking a large gulp of your hot drink too.

“What-Why ?”

“Think..”

“No….. please tell me it’s not because of what I think dude.”

“Coz’ corners are 90 degrees.” You said with a smug smile.

“Ho god …. Ok you know what maybe it’s for the best to be socially distant haha. It is so bad please do not do that again?”

“You’re asking way to much to the pun master .”

“More like the master of fucking nothing y’mean .”

“What did you said peasant , I think I didn’t quite hear that ?”

“Ho nothing .” said your friend smiling like a fool.

“Y/N I’m still fucking cold !” Said your friend trying to warm themselves up by rubbing strongly their arms.

“And how is that my problem , my dear?”

“Someday I really am going to kill you , y’know?” Told Dex between their teeth, with a little grunt along the way.  

“Y/N , Can I borrow your scarf? I’m seriously freezing. ”

“Well I can’t turn into a heater for you now can I? So do you want me to set you on fire? Because, I mean it’s still an option? Like I have my lighter right here so….?” You joked while giving them your scarf.

They gave you a warning glance as if they believed you . Then on a very exasperate note they sighed and said :

“Why are you like this?”              

You both laughed at that getting some curious looks from other clients. Once both of calmed down you try to get serious talking about the elephant in the room .

“Hey , can I ask your advice on something?”

“Absolutely , but I only advise communication, homosexuality, or murder.” Answered your friend earning a smug know-it-all smile out of you.

You were about to start to get off of your chest the whole “Hey I think I may or may not like the lead singer of the band for which we’re working for.” They cut you off.

“WAIT!”

“Yeah ?”

“Are you absolutely positive this isn’t dangerous or something?” They looked very serious about this , which had the reflex to make you roll your eyes deep inside your skull.

“I’m 95% sure, but yeah, I’ve failed fourth grade math so…” You decided to answer her stupid question with a stupid answer.

“Ho okay then we’re good I failed second grade! So just before we start , how long will this take ? I got to pick up my dog at the salon. «You both laughed at that. «No but like seriously we’ll have to go back to the bus eventually . Maybe tell me along the way back?”

“Alright , alright” You both got up from your seats and finally got out of the Starbucks.

“So huh, you remember when we got the 1 week break , alright?”

“Right. “

“Well huh, me and Gerard started talking by text pretty often during this time.”

“Ho. Did you now ?” They said waving their eyebrows in a suggestive way.

“No not like that calm down, you demon fuck .”

“Always a pleasure to fill my responsibilities.”

“You weirdo….” You whispered under your breath.

“Ho do not act if you aren’t even weirder man ! “

“Anyway, I just , I don’t know . I think, I think I may like him y’know?”

“Well it’s pretty comprehensible , I mean he’s hot .”

“I’m not talking about this you twat!”

“Ho c’mon you can’t say he isn’t !”

“Haha ,He is , I ‘ve sight too I’d let you know. It’s just not the point here .”

“You do? Sorry it’s hard to tell when you dress yourself like that .

“You bitch!” You choked on your drink , coughing violently.

“I’m just kind of dreading to really assuming the whole ‘hey by the way I’m hitting on you’ I don’t want to make it weird during the tour , when we’re not even at the half of it. And I don’t wish for everyone to see that I am hitting on him. I’m not ready.” You explained to Dex , not really wanting to expose everything you and Gerard said or do , foremost because there’s not that much to say

“Maybe not hitting on him is a good call since if you do I’m pretty sure he’s gonna freak out hearing your lame puns.”

“May I recall to you that I’m the pun-master AND the master of pickup lines ?”

“You completely suck at pickup lines, bro.”

“No I don’t !”

“The last time you tried one of you’re pickup lines was on this poor cute girl in Louisiana when you said ‘Are you Google –“

“CUZ YOU’RE EVERYTHING I’M SEARCHING FOR !!!”

“Yeah no wonder it didn’t worked !”

“I’m a genius , you’ll miss me when I’m gone.”

“You wish . So why are you’re feeling attracted to the guy ?”

“Well you see my kink is when people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say. And Since I know him he seems to correspond to this criteria , so I find it pretty attractive and hot since it’s my main kink.”

“Yeah , too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us.”

“Where you ever nice Dex ?”

“2012, worst year of my life.” You laughed at what your friend said . “No but more seriously y/n, just let it happen y’know? And when you have the feeling that both of you are having a moment then maybe hit on him but stay subtle y’know?”

“I just want him to take me out…”

“Like, on a date or with a sniper ?”

“He’ll have to surprise me .” You both laughed before changing the subject to the little surprise you’ve both had planned for Max, since he was spending all of his nights and days working on your band , you wanted to do something nice for him. You bought a cookbook a few weeks ago for him as a present for the occasion, he often baked pastries as a distressful way to exhale from work time. Even though the bus condition made it hard to cook anything big it already was a good start. And you bought some bottle of Irish hard cider, since he had said it was the best thing he ever tasted when you all took a vacation to Dex family house there. After getting back to the bus everything went pretty fast , but the talk with Dex about Gerard was still playing in your mind. Ames saw that you were lost in your thoughts most of the time and ask you several times if everything was okay, you tried to act like you didn’t knew what he was talking about and you all moved on with your day . Mikey, Frank , Gerard and Ray were already in your bus when you had come back from your coffee session, and they yelled at you for not texting them and taking them with you. You brushed it off saying that next time you would. Gerard had tried to share looks with you during the day but you were too much caught up into your head to notice.

The show this night was nice and almost too short even if you guys took a ten minutes on My chemical romance planning since you played a special song. Once you were backstage Ames and Billy started their routines taking everything off stage to let place for the boys. To go faster Max offered to help them. It gave you and Dex a chance to run to the bus to prepare your little plan. You took any cushions , pillow and anything fluffy you could find , when you were done the bunks were quite a mess but you didn’t want to think of it since you still had to prepare the hard cider and the cake you brought from the Mark & Spencer’s not having too much time to find anything else. By the time everything was served , you knew that My chem was done with their show too , so you decided to prepare them a part too , you made a point to serve a apple juice instead of the cider for Gerard , not wanting him to feel excluded or anything. Max had been held backstage by Billy and Ames who were your dearest allies as ever.

You installed yourself with every plates and drinks giggling between the two of you alone in the bus to stupid jokes.

A knock made itself hear through the bus and Billy appeared into the kitchenette area before being followed by Ames and Max , who where looking at you with huge smiles spread across their face and a snort from the three of them.

“What the fuck did you do with our beds ?” Asked Max between a laugh.

“Well we did a pillow fort !” Answered Dex.

“Isn’t that a little childish ? “

“Does it means you don’t want to join us ?” You asked Max.

A silence swept through the bus.

“…Move over .” Said Max entering your huge pillow fort and already going for the cake and drink.

“Wait there’s a party and you guys didn’t told us about?! “Said Frank entering your bus.

You handed a plate in his direction , earning a smile from him before he arrived by your side as well as everyone else too.

Frank was on your right while Gerard was on your right and all of you were in a cercle eating and joking about stupid stuff.

“Hey you look better than this morning it’s good to see.” Whispered at your side Gerard offering a sweet smile before readjusting a few locks behind his ear.

“Well It’s because in the end we migrate towards comfort , and I realized that I am most comfortable around you , all of you.” You said returning a bright smile to the man.The night went along before Frank spoke up .

“Guys how are you gonna clean this mess to sleep tonight ?” Painful groans made themselves heard from all of you.

[disastrousbarnes]

Not without you (6)

Pairing: (Dad) Steve Rogers x Reader, (past) Bucky x Reader

Warning: swearing(?)

Summary: Ever since Steve lost Angela he hasn’t been the same, live hasn’t been the same. The only reason he was still doing this was for his kids, because they need him. So when a new chance at love comes on his path, will he take it? Will either of them take it?  

Authors note: Hi well last time I gave ya’ll a chapter it was may 2019, It’s Januari 2020. But hey, A bitch is back! This chapter includes a lot of talk about Bucky, but don’t worry, it’ll become more Steve x Y/N centered soon. 

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS WELCOME AND HONESTLY WANTED!

Wordcount: 2222

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Read Chapter 1 Read Chapter 2 Read Chapter 3 Read Chapter 4 Read Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Old and new friends.

“So, Steve?” Tony’s eyes meet Y/N’s over the dinner table.

Y/N just rolls her eyes, of course Tony had to bring that up. “Not during dinner. Tony, please?” She pleaded. An awkward silence fell over the table. Y/N and Tony used to share everything during dinner, no topic was off the table. Not today though, Y/N didn’t want to talk about Steve, not in front of the kids.

“But-” Tony started, but he was quickly cut off by Pepper.

“Tony, she said no.” Potts and Stark shared a look, after which Tony silently went back to eating.

Y/N mouthed Pepper a ‘thank you’, the strawberry blonde responded with a sweet smile.

“So Alex, I read you became the captain of the football team?”  Stark Industries is Jacob High, the high school the triplets attend, biggest sponsor. Pepper, being the CEO of Stark Industries, likes to keep up with projects the company invests in.  So naturally she knows all about Alex being the youngest captain of Jacob highs football team ever.

Alex face immediately lights up. “Yeah, I guess the guys felt I was good enough of a leader to, well, lead them.” After his father’s death, the teen had really thrown himself into sports, something that was clearly reflected by his muscled physic.

Pepper gave him an encouraging nod, “The article did speak very highly of your capabilities to get the team together.”

“Teambuilding is the most important part of it all,” Alex agreed, “Thankfully Y/N allows me to get the guys together at our place. So each Friday we get together, cook dinner and just talk, play games, watch a movie. You know just something to make sure we’re all in sync.”

Y/N can’t help but feel happy to see Alex talk so passionately about his role as team captain. She still remembers the silence that had fallen over the boy the first few months after Bucky’s death.

All three of teen boys had taken their dads unexpected death really hard. Which was of course to be expected, but out of all of them Alex had taken it the hardest. He and Bucky had always been the closest. It also took him the longest to not treat Y/N like an outsider when she first started dating Bucky. Bucky had told her that this was because Alex didn’t want to get attached to anyone and then have them leave again. That when their mother left when they were very young really hurt and confused him.

“Y/N?” The feeling of a hand resting on her shoulder startled Y/N, causing her to quickly turn around to face Caleb. “Are you okay? Mister Stark has been talking to you for 5 minutes now.”

Y/N frowns, how could she have zoned out like this?  “Oh.” Is all she says, not sure if she should make an excuse or not.

Tony just laughs, “What do you say, we go to my office have a drink, bet those boys have their license by now, so they can drive back and I know for sure Miss Potts and Morgs wouldn’t mind spending some time with Anna. I have kept her to myself all day, after all.” He winks.  

Y/N is a little hesitant, but agrees. Tony used to be one of her closest friends and she can’t just continue to block everyone that reminds her of Bucky out of her life, everyone except for Sam that is.

 Not much later the pair stood in Tony’s office.

“Last time we were here you were pregnant.” Tony chuckles. Y/n had been about 6 month along back then. Her belly had already been huge, he even remembers she was wearing Bucky’s favorite maroon sweater. He only remembered that because Bucky complained that he actually wanted to wear it, about 24 times during dinner.  

“And my husband was still alive.” Y/N had meant it as a joke, but the look on Tony’s face clearly showed that that didn’t get across. “I- It was a joke T.”

Tony lets out a sigh of relieve. “Oh.” A small smile plays on his lips. “I was afraid you’d yell at me again.”

When Bucky died Tony had insisted to personally tell Y/N of Bucky’s passing. Something  she didn’t exactly take lightly. In the rush of emotions she had blamed Tony for all of it. She had told him it was his fault for getting Bucky to help him with the program in the first place and that he should have never have let him go to Afghanistan.

Though truly she knew Bucky was the one that came to Tony with the idea in the first place. Stark Industries had stopped manufacturing weapons years ago, but Bucky convinced Tony to get back into it. To help him make safe weapons that would cause as little destruction as possible.  That wouldn´t kill so many innocent people. He wanted to create a way to end wars as quick and peaceful as possible.

And hearing that that had been the thing to kill her husband had broken the -then pregnant- woman. When the shock had settled she of course apologized to Tony for her accusations, but to say that had put a rift in their friendship would be an understatement.

“Never.” Y/N said, sitting down in the big red office chair. “I still don’t understand why you need an office.”

“Yeah yeah I know. I am always down in the lab, but having an office is nice for-“

“Drinking.” Y/N finished the sentence, a bottle of jack had already found it’s way into her hand. “That’s the only thing we have ever done here.”

Sam, Bucky, Pepper, Tony, Bruce, Rhodey, Clint and her used to have dinner together every Friday night, to end the workweek right. After which they would get drunk and dance in this very office. The triplets would watch Morgan upstairs, which was an easy way to make some money. So they never complained about it.

“Does the rest still work for you?” She hadn’t really been in touch with anyone since the incident.

Tony nods, “Rhodey is still our main connection with the military. Clint is running the weapon testing department right now. Bruce and I have been working on some really interesting tech, it would make the weapons non killing, just rendering our opponents unconscious for about 12 hours max. Buck had been pressing me about that  for so long, we just weren’t able to crack the code. Of course something like this already on the market, but the danger with that stuff is that 1 it is always bad for the environment  and 2 you never know what the cognitive damage is with that stuff. Which is dangerous cause most of the time you aren’t just taking out the bad guy, but also the innocent bystanders.”

Y/N enjoyed seeing Tony ramble on so passionately about the new ‘weapon’ he and Bruce are making. It reminds her of sitting on the couch at home, just watching Bucky walk around the room, talking about all he wanted to achieve with S.T.W.P. He had been so enthusiastic, so willing to do everything to create a brighter future. One of peace.  

“But enough about weapons and work, what about that Steve dude? He’s a friend of Buck’s you said?” Tony had a way of smoothly swaying into topics Y/N didn’t exactly want to talk about.

“Used to be.” Y/N felt her body tens up at just the mention of Steve’s name. Something about the fondness and respect Bucky still had when he used to talk about him didn’t match up with the Steve Y/N had met. “Left New York and never contacted James again.”

“James?” Tony cocked an eyebrow, Y/N had never called Bucky James, not in public at least.

“Shut up.” She felt her face get hot, “It just flopped out. I only call him James when no one else is around.”

“Cause he didn’t mind it when you said it?”

“He didn’t.”

Tony smiles, putting a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “Of course he didn’t he loved every word you spoke.”

“It’s still weird when people talk about him in past tense.”

“It really is.” The man agrees. “It’s also weird that Steve and Bucky lived in the same town and never saw each other.”

“It is isn’t it?” Y/N had never even thought about that, honestly she hadn’t given Steve much thought outside of him being Luke’s dad and the man who left Bucky behind.

The rest of their night is spend making up weird theories of how Steve and Bucky ended up in the same town. That and getting very drunk.

//

“Steve?” Sam found himself standing in the doorway of what appeared to be Steve’s bedroom. He decided to check in when after half an hour Steve still hadn’t gotten back from getting a sweater.

Steve was sitting in front of the bed, holding a fluffy black sweater close to chest. He looked up at Sam but didn’t respond. Not that he needed to, the lost look in his eyes spoke volumes. He was hurting, really hurting..

Without speaking another word Sam sat down next to Steve.

“It’s hard isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Everything around you continuously reminds you of her. The kids, the house, all her stuff. Everything.”

“Yeah.” Steve frowns, looking at the piece of clothing in his hands.

“You don’t want to get rid of it because it reminds you of her, but at the same time all the memories are just way too much, aren’t they?”

Finally Steve’s eyes met Sam’s, they were filled with tears. “How did you just put all of my feelings into words?”

“I´ve been trough war and lost the people that mean the most to me. I´m just speaking from personal experience.” Sam’s fierce loyalty and insanely loving heart had only made his life harder, “Plus being a gay black man in the military, well lets say that doesn’t exactly bode well with some of those conservative white boys.” A sad smile adorned his lips.

Steve wrapped his arm around Sam, pulling him close, “Thank you.”

Sam felt confused at the random act of gratitude.

“Thanks for your service, thanks for all you have done and are doing for this country despite of the way you’ve been treated by the people living in it.” Steve had felt a bond with Sam the moment they shared a drink at O’Malley’s, now an immense amount of respect had been added to that. Sam had been trough so much and yet here he was running a countrywide V.A program and if he was right, helping Y/N raise Bucky’s kids.

Now Sam’s eyes were also filled with tears. The only time he had ever been thanked for his service is during award ceremonies, but the words had never felt as sincere as they did this very moment. A soft ‘Thank you’ made his way out of his mouth as he too wrapped an arm around Steve.

“Bucky would laugh so hard if he saw us like this.  Sitting here, snot covered and all mushy emotional. Then he would ask us if we’d like a cup of tea.”

“And he’d never force us to talk about it.” Steve adds.

“Never, but we would tell him anyway. Cause that’s just his effect.”

Steve loves the fact that the way Sam talks about Bucky makes him sound as if he hadn’t changed one bit from the Bucky he grew up with. The take no shit, but it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes, caring best friend.

“Bucky really was something else.” Sam says and releases his arm from Steve’s. “He was a little different after the war though, a little harder. That’s until he met Y/N. Something about her just sometimes a little too honest, completely open personality made it easier for Buck to deal with everything that had happened in his life. He was almost like the young, overworked, hopeful young guy I met during training. Almost.”

“She’s young isn’t she? Like a lot younger than Buck?”  Steve felt a little stupid asking, it wasn’t really his business after all.

“She’s almost 26 yeah.” Sam says with a chuckle. “Buck met her in New York when she was only 20. It was at some small 40’s themed bar she was working at. God the man tried so hard not to fall in love with that girl. He couldn’t help himself though, she just made her way into his heart, I remember right before he asked her out, she was all the idiot could talk about. Plus when you love someone the way Y/N and Bucky loved each other those 14 years feel like nothing.”

14 years, Jesus Buck, that’s a lot. Steve felt weird for even thinking that. He was judging a dead guy, who apparently really loved his wife.

“That’s uhm..” Steve wasn’t sure what to say. “She seems lovely.”

Sam lets out a loud roaring laugh, “She’s a fucking pain in the ass.” The comment might sound harsh, but his voice is filled with adoration and love.

“Isn’t that what you said about Bucky the first time we met?”

“I mean they both are, but I am decently sure I just called him an idiot fuck face.”

That night Bucky Barnes’  youth best friend and adulthood best friend became friends.  

[realactualfancontent]

Wilbur Whateley Goes Shopping Part 2.

While he’s still in London Wilbur goes Solstice shopping.

Wilbur Whateley did not belong here. Slinking through an overcrowded department store where even his unusual stature and the stench that clung to him weren't enough to keep him safe from being jostled by over zealous holiday shoppers. He jumped every time, fussing to see that none of his wardrobe had been disrupted. Looking around over the crowds heads to see if there was any quiet spot he could try to observe from. Figure out where he was going. What exactly he was here for. It was as if the whole city had been funnelled in here. How was no one else overwhelmed? How was no one else overwhelmed by the sheer quantity. Someone jostled him especially hard and Wilbur hurled a few choice words in their direction loud enough that the immediate crowd paused a moment to stare before getting back on with their errands. The offending party scurried away without so much as an apology. Though the look of terror on their face served as one. Even if he felt a little embarrassed now. He just, didn't do well around people. Not that it mattered, they'd all be gone soon. He could only hope that there were less old ones, or that they had a better grasp on personal space. But he was determined to make this trip worth something. After that disaster at the book store he wanted to come back with something. And Dunwich's single general store was beyond limited when it came to luxury goods. So here he was, scraggly, unkempt and absolutely freezing in place when anyone so much as brushed against him. Eventually, after what seemed like eons he made it to a counter and stared down a perfectly quaffed and dressed shop attendant. Who looked up at him with wide frightened eyes. “Can I help you?” She asked timidly. He gulped, fighting down a sudden wave of embaressment at the garbled excuse for English that was about to come out of his mouth.

“Yeah-yes.”

She looked like she'd rather do anything but, she looked like she wanted to call security. Wilbur soldiered on trying to downplay his accent. “I'm shoppin' fer my ma.”

That made her relax a little. As if anyone buying Christmas gifts for their mother couldn't be entirely terrible. She was wrong of course.

“An' my younger brother.” He added hastily, seeing as laying on the sentiments seemed like a good plan.

Humans and their sentiment.

Not that he was much better. He just acknowledged it was stupid.

“Oh, well then, what sort of gifts are you looking for?” She asked brightly, giving him an appraising once over, now that the initial fear seemed to have worn off he could tell she was trying to size up how much he could spend.

“'Spensive ones.” Wilbur answered, there was something distinctly unpleasant in the smile that accompanied that. 

He couldn't help it. There was something distinctly unpleasant in most of his expressions. But he did love the rare chance to wave his money in people's faces. The look of scepticism and shock on her face was priceless. The absolute disbelief when he pulled out a wallet from the tenebrous pockets of his shapeless coat and discreetly opened it to flash the woman it's contents was almost worth the trip. “I see,” she said looking between the over stuffed wallet and Wilbur's ungroomed face, managing to set aside any misgivings he gave her and settle back into her blandly polite default mode. “I'm afraid you'll have to be slightly more specific, as we do carry a wide range of luxury items, any of which would make lovely gifts.” Wilbur rolled his eyes in response, and let out a deep sigh, so irritable you'd think someone had asked him to set his foot on fire. “Dunno, what dew women like?” It was a genuine question. What the fuck did he get for Lavinia? Clothes? Jewellery? Not shoes that was for damn sure. “Oh, well, if you'd like I can show you around the accessories section and point out some of our more popular items?” “Yeah, that'd be good.” “Alright, follow me then.” She slipped out from behind the counter and led Wilbur around the shop. He was grateful for the assistance, even if he didn't fancy following someone around like a lost dog it was better than milling around poking things aimlessly. He ended up with an armful of things. Perfume (which didn't smell all that good to him, but he was assured it was lovely, and much subtler once it settled on to the skin.), A hat with a bunch of flowers (Lavinia liked flowers, he wasn't to sure about hats.) And an armful of assorted fripperies and frills all floaty and lacy. Grossly impractical, he hadn't the faintest idea when she'd every get the chance to wear things like this. But he'd seen her ogling similar things in a magazine once or twice, and she was very fond of some of the gauzier curtains in the house. Even if they all had moth holes. “Do you think that's enough?” His shop attendant asked looking up, craning her neck to see over the stack of gifts. “Uh, think so, one 'er two more things. I we-was thinkin' I might get her sum 've those tinted glasses...An' a sewin' machine. One 've the treadle 'uns.” In truth the sewing machine was for Wilbur, who's continued growth spurts meant he was spending an enormous time trying to stitch together his own clothes. Hopefully this would speed things along. “Oh I know where both of those are, just follow me.” Wilbur did, staggering after her, carrying his precarious load. “Would you like us to gift wrap those for you?” Wilbur had to peer down and around to see her. “Yeah, that'd be...good.” “Okay, I think, just put them down here.” Wilbur did, dropping the whole stack on the table. Trying to pick up the sewing machine had been a mistake. People always assumed that his size came with strength to match, but after only a few moments his arms felt like jelly. “And you said you're also shopping for your brother?” His assistant was currently wrapping a hat box in a garishly bright paper covered in pictures of stockings and cats. Tying ribbon into bows it seemed almost a crime to tear it apart later. Wilbur had an overwhelming feeling He'd be seeing the same piece of wrapping paper for the rest of his natural life, trundled out at every birthday and solstice until it disintegrated or his pa's friends destroyed the world. "Ah, yeah...he's lookin fe-for a..." Wilbur trialled off here knowing exactly what he needed to say but not quite able to get the word out. "Dog." He finally spat. His volume dropping to barely above a whisper, as if mentioning the word might summon ten. She looked up at him puzzled. "Sir, we're not a pet sho-"

"I know that." He snapped back. "He can't have a real 'un." There was a note of actual panic in that last sentence, his assistant flinched at the sudden snapping. Pausing mid ribbon bow, she was about to apologize for speaking out of turn but Wilbur continued. "I'm allergic, is the thing. So I thought I'd get 'im one of those toy one's, yew know, with the leash an' the wheels. Just, needs t' be a real big one." She nodded at the explanation.

"Well I'm certain we have something close in the toy department. It's just upstairs. You can pick up your packages when you're done."

As much as he hadn't been particularly offensive as a customer she really was glad to be rid of him. She couldn’t place what about those goatish features made her so uncomfortable, but something definitely did.  She very quickly turned her attention back to the shawl she was packing to avoid studying them further.

"Uh, yeah, thanks." Wilbur said. Excusing himself to trundle upstairs. He got lost on the way of course. Anyone who's spent signifiant time in a department store can understand exactly how easy that is, although in retrospect Wilbur could have followed the cacodaemoniacal shrieks of small children and found it quickly enough.

Something small and fast blundered into his legs he jumped, it let out a high-pitched shriek of terror when it looked up to see who it had collided with. Wilbur was sneering down at the kid. Some other parents pulled their children closer to them.

Typical.

Some other brat blew a raspberry at him. In Dunwich at least people knew to give him a wide berth. That trying that sort of thing was a good way to get your crops blighted. He ignored them to instead move as quick as he could to the desk. Calling the clerk's attention with startling ease despite the crowd. Being over a foot taller than the masses had some advantages. At least here he had some clear goal. It made everything so much easier. Knowing what you were here for. "...Just bring me the biggest 'un yew've got." He finished explaining to the desk clerk, before she scurried off. Leaving Wilbur to mill about and wait, unable to help himself from pulling a face or two at the small children who tried the same with him. Or chuckling when one of them started crying. A thoroughly inhuman noise which drew even more strange looks. That brief good mood vanished when he saw the plush Great Dane. "Is this big enough?" Wilbur nodded suddenly sheepish. "It'll dew." He picked it up under one arm, glad it was lighter than the sewing machine, still awkward though. He ended up buying a wagon too. Something to haul the rest around in. And then he was done.

Well, technically there was one thing left on the gift list. But that wasn't found in any department store. He toyed with buying a wedding gift for Pickman as he loaded up the rest of his stuff. But decided against it. They weren't friends. And if he had to spend another minute in this crowded hell scape he might scream. So, with a gigantic plush dog under one arm, and a wagon loaded with prettily wrapped parcels, Wilbur Whateley headed out, to the graveyard, and after that, finally, back to Dunwich.