#so i understand not caring about her. its just the sally comparisons that annoy me

[sonknuxadow]

ok as someone who has read archie And idw i genuinely dont understand where all the lanolin and sally comparisons are coming from. i often see people call lanolin a sally ripoff or say that shes an attempt at replacing sally or just otherwise compare the two and like. yeah they both hang around sonics friends and are leaders of their respective teams but they definitely are not similar enough to justify those comments. i think you guys just cant see a girl sonic character do anything cool without crying that she replaced sally

[trashcanplant]

From the Grape Vine

Continuation of “I Missed You”.

As Antoni made his way back to the Darling Family HQ, he felt unease in his guts. Like this terrible sprout of a terrible plant was forming in his large intestine and growing through his digestive tract. He couldn’t help but look over his shoulder. There was this pounding in his head, and his brow was wet with sweat.

He entered the bar, looking around as he exhaled a shaky breath. His mind felt numb. Oh god, there was Barnaby and Sally sitting at the bar. As much as they were his friends, he could not deal with them right now. He started walking, trying to get his hand on the doorknob to Wally’s office before a thick, furry blue paw landed itself squarely on his shoulder.

“He-e-ey Antonio! Where’d’ya think you’re going? Leavin’ me an’ Sally without so much of a hello! Almost thought you were Grover for a moment how ya jammed that cold shoulder inta me! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!” Barnaby laughed. Antoni hated the comparison between him and that scarecrow. He shrugged the paw off of him, trying to save face under his mild discomfort. The sprout grew through his small intestine now, urging its way upward.

“Psh, no chance in Hell I’m like that scarecrow, cagnolino! I just have some important news to deliver.” Antoni replied, closing his eye slightly. He looked to the side.

“Whoever woulda guessed little Toni became bosses midwife? Ha!” The dog chortled loudly. Sally set her mug down, racing over to Antoni as he was progressively getting more annoyed and uncomfortable. She laughed with Barnaby for a moment before giving Antoni a punch on the arm.

“We missed you on the field today! Boss gave us a deal to go to. You would have loved it, Antoni! Things got messy!” She said with a grin. Antoni looked at Sally and Barnaby. They were his friends, his teammates, his family. He chuckled lightly, trying to hide discomfort from them.

“Boss gave me a special mission. Can’t disappoint him anymore or else I’ll end up on the chopping block.” He replied stoically. As Wally’s left-hand-man and best friend, Barnaby didn’t understand, and Sally didn’t care enough. Sure, she loved and cared about Antoni, but if she was being honest she found him a bit annoying, like a kitten who had too much energy.

“Ah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, dude. It’s not like he’s going to kill you or something.” Barnaby groaned, waving him off.

“Afterward though, you’re breaking into the cellar and we’re gonna have a wine night, damn it!” Sally said, shaking her fist dramatically before they returned to the bar. Antoni nodded at them. He hoped he’d be fine.

Opening the door to Wally’s office was like entering a church. At the back were two large windows behind his desk. He always seemed to be talking to himself while gazing into the street below. The walls were lined with bookshelves, each filled with book and box and memento. One to note was the purple hand model that was missing two fingers. If you got close enough you’d find how similar they were to Paulette’s. Down to the same nail polish.

Antoni hated being in Wally’s office. Whenever he was in this room, he was getting into trouble. He took a few steps, and heard the door closing behind him. Antoni hated this fucking room.

“Welcome back, neighbor. I hope it went well.” Wally said from his place in the chair. He was turned around and looking out the window as far as Antoni could tell. He took a few steps forward and cleared his throat.

“Of course it did! The broad’s done-zo. I got the ammo for Penny, too.” Antoni said proudly, setting the box of ammunition down on Wally’s desk with a loud enough slam to make hs jar of eyes shake slightly. The mob boss spun around in his chair to look at Antoni. He glanced at the box, before returning his attention to the sea slug.

“Good. Good to know. Did you clean her up?” He asked, tilting his head slightly. Antoni watched his eye stare back at him. Wally was still wearing it. The sprout had been growing and was climbing its way up his stomach. It penetrated the acid and dug its roots into his stomach lining.

“Well- N-no, but I did take the key off her so we could-“

“We? No, Antoni. You. You will be cleaning her up on your own. Really should have thought that through a bit more, neighbor.” Wally interrupted before he laughed his three monotone ‘ha’s. He rested his cheek on his hand as he looked at a nervous Antoni. The vine was growing quickly up his throat.

“Whatever am I going to do to you?” The boss asked with a sigh. Antoni stared at him, reaching for his pocket. Wally stared harder.

“No, not that. Let’s be rational, Antoni. I’d hate to have to put you back together again… you know how I hate that.” Wally said, standing up from his desk and approaching Antoni as he rounded its corner. He let one hand rest on his desk, the other grabbing the sea slugs hand in his pocket.

“See? Just give me the gun. Now, I want you to go clean that up. Don’t have me ring Grover now. I know how you two fight.” Wally hummed, talking the gun from Antoni. He stood paralyzed, holding this vine in his mouth that threatened to grow into his brain and consume him. His hands shook and he mumbled a small agreement before he left Wally’s office.

He was quiet. Barnaby looked at him, but saw how he was turning pale and he held Sally back to let Antoni leave. He made his way outside before grabbing onto the nearest trash can and hurling. He stood there for a while, dry heaving and shaking. For the first time in… however long, there were tears falling out of his eye. He coughed a few times, taking a few steps back from the bin.

He turned and looked in the direction of the Candy shop. This was going to be a long night.

[the-desolated-quill]

Arachnids In The UK - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Spiders. It had to be fucking spiders, didn’t it?

Normally I watch each episode multiple times before writing a review in order to pick up on every nuance and detail. With Arachnids In The UK however, I just about managed two viewings and that was a Herculean effort I can tell you because... you know... fucking spiders. So apologies if this review isn’t as detailed as previous ones. Frankly you should be grateful you’re even getting a review of this at all because... you know... FUCKING SPIDERS!

So then. Let’s talk about the fucking spiders. The fear factor of this episode will depend on how you feel about spiders in general. If you’re one of those weirdos who keep tarantulas as pets (seriously, what’s wrong with a dog or a gerbil or something? Can’t you just be normal?), then you probably found this quite quaint. If however you’re like me, a confirmed arachnophobic and colossal wuss, Arachnids In The UK most likely terrified the fucking life out of you.

But wait. It gets worse. I would have been shitting myself if the spiders were regular sized, but that’s not enough for Chris Chibnall. Oh no. These spiders are ever so slightly bigger than that. How big, I hear you ask? Think Aragog from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Yeah. That big.

At this point I’d like to extend a massive fuck you to Doctor Who’s special effects department for really putting in an almost criminal amount of time and effort into making these giant, eight legged demons from hell look as photo realistic as possible. Each individual, computer generated hair rendered with absolute care and attention to detail, making the spiders that much more skin crawling to look at. I mean it wasn’t as if I was planning to sleep that night anyway.

I also have to begrudgingly commend Sallie Aprahamian for her direction. The lighting, camera angles and use of sound really help create a creepy atmosphere and build tension effectively. Because spiders, even massive spiders, aren’t the type of monsters to jump out and attack you directly. No, the little fuckers like to sneak up on you and catch you unawares, and that’s what this episode really takes advantage of.

So what reason did Chris Chibnall come up with for giant fucking spiders to exist? Genetic experiments and toxic waste. Stupid? Yes, but so is the idea of a wooden blue box travelling through time and space, so let’s not get too critical. Just pretend that scientist works for Norman Osborn from the Marvel Comics and go with it.

Let’s move away from the spiders (quickly please) and talk about the characters because they’re, once again, the strongest part of the show. The Doctor is still just as delightful as ever with Jodie Whittaker switching from comedy to drama effortlessly. I especially liked at the beginning of the episode where she’s noticeably sad to be saying goodbye to her new friends only for her face to light up again when Yasmin invites her for tea. After Steven Moffat’s ‘the Doctor lies’ bullshit and Twelve acting all brooding and stoic, it’s refreshing to see a Doctor who displays their emotions openly. I also liked the way she interacted with the spiders. While everyone else is understandably shitting themselves, the Doctor is the only one who tries to give the spiders any kind of dignity, even going so far as to comfort the giant mummy spider at the end as it dies. She doesn’t view them as disgusting or frightening. They’re living creatures like her and deserve the same kindness she would give to a human.

Of course the main purpose of Arachnids In The UK is to get the companions to sign up for more adventures and I really like how this is done for the most part. Ryan is very quickly becoming my favourite companion and Tosin Cole is clearly having a lot of fun in the role. My favourite scene in the whole episode was him using grime music to lure spiders into the panic room. That got such a big laugh out of me. He’s just a really likeable character and I love how he’s growing and developing. He’s come a long way since The Woman Who Fell To Earth. He’s become a lot more confident and I think it’s because he feels he can achieve great things with the Doctor. He likes that he feels valued by her and that’s nice to see. And he clearly still has a lot more room to grow as shown by his scenes with Graham, which are easily the highlight of the episode. His negligent father wants Ryan to move back in with him, calling himself his ‘proper family,’ which irks Ryan. Over the course of these four episodes, Ryan and Graham have grown so much closer as Ryan slowly starts to let Graham in. I love their camaraderie and the understated love between them and I can’t wait for the episode where Ryan finally calls Graham ‘grandad’.

Graham too is brilliant. We see him return to his home and start properly coming to terms with a life without Grace and I love how it’s portrayed. New Who has an unfortunate tendency to really overegg the pudding when it wants to elicit an emotional reaction from the audience (see the Tenth Doctor’s farewell tour or the Eleventh and Twelfth Doctor’s ghastly final monologues). Chris Chibnall so far really seems to understand that less is more and the same is true here. There’s no obnoxiously loud sad music or sappy monologues. In fact the imaginary conversations Graham has with Grace are actually quite mundane, talking about when to put the bins out and things like that. What makes these scenes so powerful is Bradley Walsh. His performance, his facial expressions, everything he does sells the pain and heartbreak Graham is going through. It’s truly an acting masterclass that puts the previous showrunners attempts to tug at the heartstrings to shame.

I’m very curious to see what happens to Graham going forward. Him wanting to travel with the Doctor in order to cope with his grief and avoid knocking around an empty house is quite a compelling reason to become a companion. Haven’t really seen that done before. And... is it just me, but is this coming across as a bit... death wish-y? What with this and his cancer recovery as well, I’m deeply worried something bad is going to happen to him come the end of the series. I really hope not. I would be devastated.

Finally there’s Yasmin and... yeah, I’ve mentioned before how I’m not exactly warming to her. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. Mandip Gill is doing a great job with the material she’s being given and Yasmin is a nice enough person, but as I’ve said in previous reviews, she comes off as a bit superfluous. Even the introduction of her family doesn’t really do much to establish her as a key member of Team TARDIS. In fact she’s coming across as an amalgamation of Rose Tyler and Martha Jones. Rose because of her desire to find something more in her life and Martha because she wants to get away from her boring and annoying one dimensional family. She doesn’t really stand out as her own character and I put it down mostly to the ensemble cast. It’s the classic case of ‘two is company, but three is a crowd.’ It’s the same reason why Susan and Adric got sidelined in the classic series (as well as the fact that Adric was an irritating little shit that deserved to be smacked upside the head) and she just pales in comparison to Ryan and Graham, whose characters and storylines are much stronger and more interesting. I really hope she gets a chance to shine soon because so far I honestly couldn’t care less about her, and considering she’s the first ever Muslim companion, that’s really disappointing.

Since we’ve shifted to criticism, lets talk about the supporting cast. Yasmin’s family, as I said, are quite boring. They’re just your typical family with the typical overbearing mum (maybe it’s time for New Who to consider stopping all the family stuff now). The scientist... exists, doing nothing other than to introduce the spiders as a plot device and occasionally give exposition on spider ecosystems. Finally there’s the hotel guy, played by Chris Noth who tries to wring every last drop of comedy out of the part and is actually quite amusing on occasion, but sadly doesn’t have an actual character as such other than being a painfully on the nose parody of Donald Trump. Not only is this futile in and of itself because some could argue that Trump is so extreme that he’s practically impossible to satirise, but also nothing ever really comes of it. He’s a prick at the beginning, he’s a prick at the end, and there’s no real payoff or satisfying closure. Not only does he not learn his lesson, I actually found myself agreeing with him a few times. Like what’s the difference between shooting the spiders and locking them in a panic room so they can eventually starve to death? And what was the Doctor planning to do once she herded the giant mummy spider out of the ballroom? Set it up in a nice cozy bedsit? And if it’s suffocating to death anyway because its lungs have grown too big and can’t absorb enough oxygen, wouldn’t shooting it be the kindest thing to do at that point?

While I’m on the subject of guns, how the fuck is his bodyguard able to get away with carrying a gun in Sheffield? You’re not in America now, sunshine. And how come Yasmin, the police officer, doesn’t do anything about it or the fact that her mother was wrongfully dismissed? (at gunpoint. I need to keep pointing that out. Her mum was fired from her job at gunpoint in Sheffield). Come on Chibnall!

Arachnids In The UK has flaws to be sure, but its excellent execution of the main plot and threat as well as its genuinely touching and heartwarming moments between the main characters that help it stand out. The weakest episode so far, but still very enjoyable.