#so i think maybe the Inch Rest is mostly founded by nostalgia for his specific comic writing style and loving blues was just a bonus

[zosonils]

i think i'm hyperfixating on the archie mega man adaption specifically rather than the series as a whole which FUCKING SUCKS because the comics got PUT ON INDEFINITE HIATUS SIX YEARS AGO AND THEN THE LICENSE MOVED TO SOME OTHER GUYS SO THEY ARE PROBABLY NEVER CONTINUING

[darveyfics]

COuld you please write a 7.12 fic related please plaease im sorry for bothering you

So this is the scene of the two of them drinking together and listening to his father’s records. The one piece of context somebody might not know is that during a flashback to Harvey’s childhood in this episode Gordon’s band is playing a song called “Boppin’ with Donna”.

Sometimes I like to write a fic that starts on nothing and goes nowhere, you know, like the show. I hope it’s not too bad - Maria

Reticent

“Rememberwhen-”

“Ido.”

“Youdidn’t let me finish.”

Shechuckles, looks over at him with an eyebrow raised cockily “Really?”

Hersmugness stirs something beneath his chest, a warmth, a momentum only she canprovoke. It makes him feel guilty, the intimacy and precision in the way sheaffects him, dangerous. He swallows it down, dry and thick. Feigns indifferencehe figures she sees right through.

He rollshis eyes, “Sure, what was I saying?”

“Youwere going to ask if I remember another time we heard this song,” there’s notease in it but perhaps a little nostalgia, she understands his resistance tospar, she always understands.

Henods unspoken gratitude even though their agreements are supposed to beentirely elusive. A tired sighs pours out of him feeling the weight of theirrecent misunderstandings then, like fifty pounds sitting on his chest, stealinghis breath. He forces himself to shake it off “With my dad,” he meant todistract from the choking way he thinks about her now, in these increasinglyrare moments, like the two of them, as a unit, are fading, but it outs in awhisper like it is holy. In some ways, he figures it is.

“Withyour dad,” She agrees quietly, lovingly, a reflection of the sanctity in hisvoice refracted and divided like light into purer, more colorful sentiment.

Shehas always been better at this than he, better at feeling his feelings.

Therecord gasps and stops, saddling them with imperfect silence, the hum of thecity, ghosts and blurred edges. Harvey reaches over and lifts the needle beforeit can sing again.

Heleans back into the cushions, rolls his wrist until the amber in his tumblerspirals like a drain. His mind swirls and sinks with it, struck by a memory.

“Firsttime you heard it, right?” He asks almost sweetly; halting the swirl by rollingthe glass the other way he turns to her slowly.

Pastblends into present, he blames the scotch for seeing two of her overlapped. Oneexists minus ten years with longer hair and brighter clothes, bangs and a lotless complication; the other has been wearing black for the last week andhasn’t made him coffee in a year.

Hewonders who he would pick, fleetingly; knows without a doubt he would chooseher now, whenever now is. The most important thing has always been that she stays.

Donnasmiles, “Yeah, and he had the brass to say it was for me,” She reminisces,leaning forward. She pours herself another dose. The crystalline sound of thebottle touching the edge of glass ricochets across empty space prettily; theirtheme song.

“Itis your name in the title,” Harvey argues with faux gravity, still seeingdouble. In his mind’s eye, her dress is purple and his father’s voice ischarming, he never missed a beat with her.

“Itjust happens to precede my arrival by a couple of decades,” She counters.

Harveyscoffs, “Your arrival?”

Shenods “Yes, the amazing, life changing day, you met me,” she declares grandly.

He agreesbut cannot agree, “Seriously?”

Sheputs one hand on her chest, mouth agape, the picture of over-dramatic outrage“Oh, I’m sorry, we just established I was prophesied.”

“Inever said that.”

“Ithink you did.”

“No,I didn’t.”

Donnastraightens herself, crossing her legs and resting her hands on top of eachother on her knee, she stares him down seriously “Your honor, I think thedefendant is aiming for a perjury indictment.”

Harveysnorts a laugh, surprised as she sparks to life the old routine, there’sdelight but also an ache to it as they flex muscles they haven’t used forlonger than he had realized, “I believe the prosecution is distorting theevents,” he rebuttals setting down his glass to focus.

Donna narrows hereyes, pretends to look down at imaginary papers and push up glasses she doesn’tneed, “Mr. Specter, do you deny the day you met me was life changing?”

Harvey rolls hiseyes, “Really?” He whines.

“Plead the fifth?”She offers defiantly.

“Coward’s move andyou know it,” he chastises.

“If the shoe fits,”she says, reaching for her glass and taking a sip that does not break eyecontact. He watches the glimmer of humor in her hazel eyes and only marginallyremembers this is exactly what he was supposed to be avoiding.

“Whether you did ordidn’t is not the point, the point is I never said it,” he argues smugly.

“Well, well,” Donnastarts, leaning back with poise and pride, resting her forearms on the arms ofthe chair and drumming her fingers on the edges reflexively, “I see we havelowered ourselves to technicalities. Cheap.”

Harvey smiles, “Aslong as it gets results.”

“No honor,” she nods disapprovingly,though a laugh is edging behind her lips.

It is something elsehe has not seen in a while, this specific expression, he wonders if they reallyhave been fading or if he just hasn’t been paying attention. Which reminds him.

“My father did writea song for you,” he blurts out.

Donna lets the laughfly, he has heard it plenty but it is still welcoming warm familiarity, “No, hedidn’t,” She tells him like it is sure and obvious, like he has had too much todrink.

“He did,” Harveyinsists, wondering how he could forget, though maybe he is stretching thetruth, “He kinda did,” He corrects himself.

Donna raises aneyebrow, sustaining her suspicion “Kinda?”

“He never recorded it.It was a draft,” he reveals, “He said he got inspired out of the blue one day,”Harvey sinks into the memory, he himself only heard it once.

It was at his father’sapartment during a damp New York summer afternoon and they had run out of otherthings to talk about. Gordon hesitated to play him the song, kept explaining himself.Harvey mostly thought it was funny, “He asked me not to tell you,” He hadn’tand then it had never come up again, “I’m sorry, I forgot,” he apologizes and turnsto find her eyes, they’re glossed over with unshed tears. He blinks andrealizes so were his when wet warmth rolls down his cheeks.

“Did he write itdown?” It moves the very ground he stands on that that is the first thing sheasks, that she misses his father too.

It hurts all the moreto have to answer, “If he did, I never found it.”

She sighs, “If you do,it’s mine,” assertive but kind.

He sees the purple dressagain and bright red hair cascading over it as she throws her head back tolaugh at Gordon’s blunt flirting, “Of course,” he whispers so gravely it feelsmore binding than any contract. He could not deny her most things, much lessthis.

Donna nods, takes adeep breath and lets it out slowly, “You really killed the casual mood,” shejabs.

Harvey smiles, shakeshis head, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I wantedto know, I just wish you hadn’t done the job halfway,” she says it between asmile, it is a joke, an absolution, but he can see the edge of disappointmentin her eyes. He cannot read them as perfectly but that is a look he has alwaysbeen afraid of and paradoxically only grown more familiar with. He needs to dissolveher ache.

“Hey,” he whispers,reaching for one of her hands and stopping short of touching, they have kissedand hugged but he doesn’t know where they draw this new line, if meaning it toomuch violates its borders, “I am sorry,” he tells it from his core and watchesher drink it into hers.

“It’s okay,” sheanswers, her fingers tremble, itching to bridge the gap between them, insteadshe recoils not wanting the blame for breaking them again just for trying toinch closer, “It’s okay.”

They are too tangled,metaphorically, sometimes he wonders if he can even shake her off withouthollowing himself out, wonders if she feels the same. He is selfish enough towish she does, it would mean some kind of barrier from the searing pain ofbeing left. He is selfless enough to also wish she doesn’t for a chance tonever hurt her again with his careless needs.

He should not be thinkingabout any of that, “We finished the bottle,” he points out flatly, stealing aglance at the half inch of scotch left inside the glass.

She follows his gaze,“We almost did,” Donna says andreaches for the neck, downs the rest in one gulp, “There, now it’s done,” Hewatches with bemused surprise as she sets the empty Macallan back on his centretable, turns it between her fingers to ponder the label, “At least it was justa 12 year.”

“You say that like itmakes us less drunk,” he remarks, covering her hand on the bottle with hiswithout thinking, without pretense, just to turn it to him so he can also read.Hers falls away a second later, he wonders if it means she is afraid to touchhim now, hopes not.

“It doesn’t,” sheagrees, “I think I’m tired,” she says and points it with a yawn.

“You think?” Harveysmiles affectionately, “Are you brewing a hangover?” He asks, mildly worried.He knows scotch can upset her stomach and that she hates to vomit, he alsoknows she has some secret hangover cure she never told him about because itwould ‘encourage his bad habits’. How the tables have turned; he is barelydizzy.

“Are you asking thatas my boss or my friend?” She interrogates, side eyeing him suspiciously.

“Both,” because he isboth, needs her there tomorrow morning but also cares if she will be miserablethe entire night.

“I’ll be late, butI’ll be fine,” she bargains.

His eyebrows knighttogether, “You don’t have to come in,” the complacency is immediate, so muchfor thinking he can accept her misery.

One corner of herlips pulls up, she wants to say that is not the business-wise decision “I’ll behere,” she reassures him instead. She is a little disappointed in herself forbeing so averse to letting him down even in small ways.

Donna smoothes outthe skirt of her dress and stands on surer legs than the half bottle she drank wouldhave anyone guess.

“Already?Lightweight,” He teases, sneaking a glance at his watch, a quarter to midnight.

“I thought you had tobe home an hour ago,” She bites back, the implication is a double-edged sword,reminds him he has someone waiting; reminds her that she does not.

Harvey presses hislips together and watches his hands intently. She sighs, taking pity on him,like always.

“Sorry, I need Advil,”she breathes out tiredly.

He nods, “You’reright,” he says without meeting her eyes, “Good night.”

Donna considers him,them. She is tired and dizzy and has a headache brewing behind her eyes; it isnot her job to heal him, it never really was, “You know, I was wondering,” Shestarts and waits until he looks at her again, “Would I make a good lawyer?” ahand outstretched, it isn’t her job,she volunteers to save him.

Harvey allows himselfa small smile, “Thinking about going to law school?”

She scoffs, “God no.”

His eyebrows shootup,”Excuse me?”

She rolls her eyes,“You know what I mean.”

He does. He takes apause to think on it “You wouldn’t,” he answers earnestly.

She is mildlysurprised; Donna narrows her eyes at him, “Not smart enough?” As if, she isfishing and he knows it, she wants him to know it.

Harvey snorts alaugh, “You’d overachieve I’m sure,” it is what she wanted to hear, theexpected, but he isn’t done “Too good,” He adds, “You’re… too good,” headmits softly, with candid admiration.

Her breath hitches,he can do that sometimes, when it’s almost midnight and he knows she will dohim the courtesy of not bringing it up in the morning.

“You’re a goodperson, Harvey,” their lives might be easier if she could not read him sofluently.

He presses his lipstogether and shifts his eyes to the floor, index anxiously thrumming the glassstill in his hand, “Not always,” he made a lot of mistakes, can’t tell whichone is knocking on his conscience the loudest right now, “Not like you.”

“Well,” she startsgood-naturedly, “Nobody is like me,” Donna brags jokingly.

Harvey smiles andshakes his head “I’ll drink to that,” he announces and empties his tumbler.

She watches and sighs,feeling the prickle of the headache intensify, “Now it’s good night.”

He nods, “It is,” heagrees without looking.

She can feel histhoughts, his regrets, makes it hard to detach, “Are you okay enough toremember your address?” She teases, hanging back, a subtle way to ask if he isokay.

He snorts, “Sharp asa razor, I just…” he lingers, deciding if he wants to keep her “I think I’lllisten to a few more,” He admits, “Since nobody else will from now on.”

He hardly ever makesit easy on her.

Donna sighs, crossinghis office to pour herself a glass of water. She takes a pill from her bag nextto it and swallows it down with one sip, then moves to the window where therecords are stacked and lifts two of her favorites, “Which one?”

Harvey almost offersher an out, but there is no point in pretending he does not still need herthere, that he didn’t choose the words to make her stay “Left,” he picks andshifts on his seat, reaching for it.

She pulls the vinyloff the sleeve and hands it to him, waits until he gently trades the one on therecord player for it before going back to her seat. Once she’s settled Harveylets the needle drop and his office fills with his father’s music.

“I miss him,” hewhispers like he is trying to hide the confession in between the notes.

Donna closes hereyes, leans her head back until she’s facing the ceiling and breathes it in, “Iknow,” she answers.

They don’t speakagain except to mumble simple goodbyes an hour later, giving life permission togo on unhinged at dawn.

Being understood isenough.

[ogwnostalgia]

Title: The Accident

Author: Diane Hoh

Published: April 1991

Tagline: She has returned. From the dead.

Description: All she wanted was one week. Of Megan’s life.

She appears in Megan’s mirror one day, nothing more than a wispy, shadowy plume, glowing with an eerie light. Her voice is faint and hollow, like a distant echo. The voice of a young girl.

Strangest of all is her request.

“I beg you to trade places with me, Megan. For just one week. Let me live again.”

Megan is overcome with fear. Yet she is drawn to the shadow in the mirror, unable to look away. Fascinated by the oddly soothing voice, she listens to a tale of a horrible accident many years before. A tale she would never forget.

Gradually, Megan begins to realize that she has no choice. As terrified as she is, she knows she must make the trade . . . .

Nostalgia Time!

I remember checking this book out of the library and reading it when I was 13/14 and staying with my dad at my grandparents’ house. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the first time I read it, but it’s the first time I specifically remember reading it. I have always loved this book! It hit my ghost-loving and body-swapping sweet-spots, and the idea of a ghost taking over your body while you just float around incorporeally was terrifying to me. Still kinda is, honestly.

I’m not sure if this book is going to hold up some 25 years after the last time I read it, but I really hope so. I’ve had some disappointment lately in this regard (looking at you, The Cheerleader), but Diane Hoh is usually pretty solid.

Recap

It’s a Wednesday in late May, unseasonably hot and humid, and we meet Jenny Winn, 16, her sister Barbie, 15, and their best friend Cappie Cabot (no word yet on age or gender) cutting their last class of the day to escape the un-air-conditioned high school. They pile into Jenny’s old yellow convertible (with fins! I’m kind of picturing Christine here, but yellow) to drive to the woods on the other side of the lake (what lake? Fuck you, there’s always a lake!), hoping it’ll be cooler there.

Cappie wishes they had Megan and Hilary with them, but says Megan probably wouldn’t cut class, and Hilary had something to do in the drama department after school. Barbie points out that Megan also had to prepare for her sixteenth birthday party.

Right about this time, they come to a curve in the road; a curve Jenny takes every day as it’s on the way from her house to the school. Only this time, the car’s steering wheel twists wildly in her hands while the tires remain straight. She stays calm enough to quietly tell Barb that something is wrong, but then panics and stomps on the gas instead of the brakes.

Yeah, uh, they smash into a utility pole. Which then breaks in half and topples onto the car. All three girls are screaming (so there’s the answer to Cappie’s gender); Barb is thrown free, away from the electrical wires hissing and spitting on the road. All she can see of Jenny is a bloody arm hanging over the driver’s door, and she can’t see Cappie at all.

Well, that was quite the first chapter.

Elsewhere, at a big old house off the lake, Megan Logan is trying on a party dress for her Sweet Sixteen party, which is eleven days away. She thinks the dress might need to be shortened by half an inch. Mm, yes, I’m sure that extra half-inch would make a noticeable difference.

We find out that Megan’s family inherited the house from Megan’s grandma when she died five months ago, and they’ve been living there for three months. No word on how long they’ve actually lived in this town, though, because it seems like Megan isn’t a new transplant or anything. Anyway, she misses Gram, because she was the only one in the family who understood Megan’s shy, dreamy ways.

She gets a call from Justin Carr, her friend and secret crush, and he asks if she’s ready for the bio quiz tomorrow. Justin also seems to understand her shy, dreamy ways, and Megan thinks about the time she was late to class because she stopped to pick wildflowers, and instead of laughing at her like literally everyone else in the class (rude!), he’d filled a beaker with water and placed the flowers on his lab table until they died.

They have some conversation, mostly about school, and Megan mentions people who are out at the lake, which seems to be basically in her backyard, and how it seems like they’re blowing off studying for the quiz. Or maybe they’re already prepared; you don’t know! Anyway, she mentions a girl named Karen Tucker, and Justin counters that the teacher, Old Ollie, won’t be fooled by Karen batting her eyelashes and claiming her book fell in the lake, because he’s not impressed by “those sexy types.”

Um, he’s a grown-ass teacher, and she’s a 15- or 16-year-old child, so I should fucking hope not, Justin.

Anyway, Megan gets feeling some kind of way about Justin referring to Karen as sexy, even though it really seemed to be meant derogatorily, and tries to get off the phone with him. She’s heard sirens somewhere beyond the lake (her window is open because her house also has no A/C), and the bad feeling she’s had all day kicks up again.

Megan thinks Justin is disappointed that she’s hanging up, but isn’t sure because he doesn’t explicitly tell her he’ll miss her when she hangs up. Jesus Christ, Megan. Then she kicks herself for not asking him to be her date to her party, and thinks that she’ll just go stag, even though her mom will throw a fit about it. Um. Since when is a birthday party an event that requires a date? Was I doing birthdays all wrong in my younger years?

As she’s getting ready to change out of the party dress, a news report comes on the radio about the crash Megan’s friends were in. The families have been informed, so the news announcer lets fly with the names of the injured. Megan is in shock. The reader finds out that “Cappie” is apparently short for “Catherine.” Also that she’s sixteen, so that answers all the unanswered questions I had about her. Except how the hell “Cappie” is short for Catherine.

Their other friend, Hilary, calls Megan to ask if she heard the news. We find out that Jenny had been so excited about the party because she’d asked Rob Lyle to go with her and he’d said yes. On the one hand, good on Diane Hoh for giving us proactive girls asking boys out! On the other hand, I can’t get over the fact that authors of teen novels in the 90s thought that everyone needed to have dates to their friends’ birthday parties.

They hang up, and Megan once again goes to take her dress off, then wonders if Jenny ever found the perfect dress she was searching for. This thought causes her to burst into tears. Suddenly, the radio falls silent, the temperature plummets, and the lights dim. Whatever could be going on, Megan wonders. Is it an earthquake?

Yeahhhh, I’ve been in multiple earthquakes, and those . . . are not things that happen during an earthquake. (Okay, maybe the lights dimming, but definitely not the rest of it.)

A voice asks Megan why she’s crying.

Megan freaks the fuck out, because she’s definitely alone in her room, y’all. She freezes, and the voice asks her again why she’s crying. She looks around until she sees a ghostly, gauzy blob in her full-length mirror. It’s vaguely human-shaped, but without arms or legs, and only light where the eyes and mouth should be. So, this, then?

Hmm. Probably not.

The figure introduces itself as Juliet, despite Megan telling her to go away and leave her alone. Juliet begs her to listen as Megan wraps herself up in the bedspread because ghosts bring their own A/C with them, even when they’re stuck in a mirror. Except she’s not actually stuck in the mirror; she’s just using it so Megan can see her.

Juliet explains that she and Megan have the same birthday, and that’s why she can talk to Megan, and she’s waited so long, you see. Juliet was born in 1930, and Megan thinks that was sixty-one years ago, but Juliet doesn’t sound like a sixty-one-year-old woman; she sounds Megan’s age!

Um, Megan? She’s clearly a ghost. Who probably died much younger than her sixties. Try to keep up, okay?

Indeed, Juliet goes on to tell Megan that she was pretty and popular, and died in a boating accident shortly before the huge sweet sixteen party she was supposed to have. Megan knows the area of the lake she died in; it’s a dangerous cove filled with jagged rocks and underwater undergrowth. Juliet couldn’t swim, but it wouldn’t have made much difference as she hit her head and was knocked unconscious as she fell out of the boat. By the time she was retrieved from the underwater tangles of weeds, she was dead.

Juliet sobs, and Megan starts crying again, too, telling Juliet it’s horrible, but going on to deny any of this is happening. Juliet seems distressed that she made Megan cry again, thanks her for listening, and leaves. The lights and radio come back on, and the room is swelteringly hot again. Megan goes to bed, telling herself that she’s actually been asleep for hours and dreamed the whole thing.

When she wakes up in the morning, she immediately looks to the mirror. It’s empty.

Whew, amirite? (I mean, no. I want ghosts in my stories, goddammit!)

The next morning is cloudy but still suffocatingly hot. Megan gets ready for school, still convinced Juliet was a dream, but casting nervous glances at the mirror the whole time she’s in her room. She rides her bike to school, and finds her friend Hilary Bench, who talked to Jenny and Barb’s mom. All the girls are alive; Barbie is okay because she was thrown free, so she’ll be leaving the hospital today; Cappie has a broken wrist; Jenny has a serious head injury and a shattered collarbone. Additionally, nobody was wearing a seatbelt because the car is too old to have them �� Mr. Winn had them on order, but they hadn’t come in yet.

I’m not sure how old this car is supposed to be, honestly. I’m picturing 50s due to the fins, but I know my mom had a car in the 70s that didn’t come with seatbelts, although Google tells me that seatbelts were mandatory in all cars manufactured after 1968. It’s possible the car my mom was talking about was a few years old when she owned it. All I know is, my brother rode around in a car without seatbelts when he was little, and he was born in 1969, so . . .

Anyway.

Megan shudders – her friends could have died, just like poor Juliet! Except then she reminds herself that Juliet was just a dream. Mmhmm, keep telling yourself that.

All day she feels like someone is watching her, although she can’t catch anyone actually looking at her. At lunch, she, Justin, and Hilary try to figure out what made Jenny crash, and they speculate that the steering was messed with. The sheriff is investigating, so you know it’s SRS BSNS. Or at least as serious as authority figures are allowed to be in Point Horror.

Hilary is upset that Jenny won’t get to finish the school year with them, then changes the subject (apparently Hilary “could switch moods as easily as she changed a T-shirt”) to talk about Donny Richardson asking her out. Donny is a fucking loser, and she pretty much said that to his face. Megan is scandalized, but Hilary points out that if you’re nice to guys like Donny, they’ll never take the fucking hint. Then it’s revealed that Donny is basically a fucking incel “Nice Guy,” who stomped off like an R.L. Stine Angry Boi when Jenny politely turned him down, and blew up in a rage, yelling in the hallway at Cappie when she turned him down.

To cap this off, Justin defends him, saying he’s not a bad guy, but he’s got his limits like everyone else. Umm . . . Megan, your guy might be trash. He’s defending trash, so . . . I’ve not got a great feeling here.

It’s insinuated that Hilary suspects Donny of tampering with the car, but Megan feels sorry for him because his parents are divorced and he has to go back and forth between their houses. Fucking spare me. Hilary points out that her parents are divorced, too, and she’s not a fucking asshole, then goes on to say that Megan always feels sorry for people and just doesn’t understand that there are shitty people out there who are shitty for no other reason than that they’re shitty people. Which is a good point, and I’ll be thrilled if we can make it to the end of the book without the reason going on to be “because they’re crazy, and crazy people don’t need a reason for doing terrible things because the reason is that they’re CRAZY!” Please don’t let me down, Hoh.

In Art class, Megan notices a piece of red construction paper sticking out of her cubbyhole (. . .  not a euphemism . . . ?), and thinks it’s weird because she hasn’t used red construction paper lately. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve used construction paper since kindergarten. Which, I believe, is the last time I had a cubby at school, too.

It’s a drawing (in crayon? I don’t think it’s explicitly said, but that’s what I’m picturing) of a yellow convertible with a horse wearing a beaded necklace in the driver’s seat; a candy bar and a bumblebee on the seat next to it; and a baseball cap and a green ball in the backseat. Megan figures out that the ball is a pea and puts it all together that it’s bar + bee and cap + pea, but can’t figure out why Jenny is drawn as a horse.

Okay. I hate these picture puzzles. I’ve always found them dumb, then I realized I’m just really bad at them for some reason. We’ve been watching a lot of this game show channel that has one of these old picture-puzzle game shows, and sweet rollerskating Jesus am I bad at these puzzles. But also, their puzzles are just badly done. Anyway. I probably would have looked at this and said, “Okay, a horse with a pearl necklace . . . this is probably too dirty for a teen thriller in the 90s . . . chocolate hornet? someone really hates women, because he keeps depicting them with things that sound like “whore” . . . hat ball? Hat . . . marble? Hat pea? Happy? What does an imaginary blue unicorn voiced by Patton Oswalt have to do with anything . . . I give up.”

Megan’s stream of consciousness was a lot more coherent than mine.

Megan can’t figure out why someone left this for her, and thinks that if it’s a joke, someone has a bizarre sense of humor. She crumples it up and throws it away, but retrieves it later as she’s leaving class. She doesn’t know why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Man. I feel like everyone’s worst decisions ever can probably be prefaced with “it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

When Megan gets home, she very trepidatiously enters her room, peering suspiciously at the mirror. It’s empty. She goes about her business, and when her back is turned, she hears someone ask,

“What are you doing, Megan Logan? Is it something fun?”

Megan is horrified. I am amused. Juliet is approaching this like an annoying younger sibling, all “What’cha doing? Where ya going? Can I come? Can I play too? Huh huh huh, can I? Huh?”

Please keep amusing me, Hoh.

Juliet explains that she only wants to talk; after all, Megan is so kind and open-minded and etc, etc, etc. Juliet has been waiting forever for someone who can hear her, because it turns out she can’t talk to anyone unless they share her birthday, live near the lake where she died, and have a kind heart and open mind. That’s quite the list of requirements. Fucking hell, what sort of ghost lore is this?

Megan was easier to reach because she’s a dreamer, and Juliet has been watching her ever since she found out they share a birthday, because she just had to know everything about Megan! Oh. You have a ghost stalker. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. No way this can go horribly wrong.

Juliet mentions something about “trading” and then walks it back, saying never mind; Megan isn’t ready yet. Nothing piques curiosity like being cryptic!

Megan is still in denial, and Juliet tells her that Megan’s grandmother, Martha, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?! would want her to believe in Juliet, because didn’t she always tell her that anything is possible?

It suddenly occurs to Megan that Juliet may have known Martha; Juliet confirms that everyone knew the Logans, but she didn’t know Martha well. She thinks she was like Megan – quiet and dreamy. Then she changes the subject to how sad she is because Megan gets to have parties, dances, and boyfriends, and she never did.

Uh, didn’t you brag about being supes popular earlier, Juliet?

Megan tears up, thinking about how awful it would be to die so young; Juliet applies more cryptic pressure, talking about not being at peace, and if only – but no, it’s too soon, Megan isn’t ready to hear it yet. Megan of course argues that she is ready to hear it, whatever “it” is, so Juliet “reluctantly” explains it to her.

Basically, if Megan will trade places and let Juliet live life as Megan for a week, then she can finally be at peace. Megan is speechless. I am skeptical. Juliet is “apologetic” and leaves Megan to consider the proposal. We’re left with the impression that Megan sits staring at the empty mirror for hours afterward. Um. Maybe someone should check on her . . . ?

At some point in the evening, Megan breaks her mirror reverie to talk on the phone with Hilary. Hill tells her that the sheriff said the car was absolutely tampered with, and she overtly accuses Donny, saying that every girl in school has rejected him and maybe he hates them all. I mean, probably, because that’s what incels do – blame women for them being undateable. Hilary says that Donny works in his brother’s garage, so he’d know how to mess with a car, and Meg points out that nearly everyone at school took auto shop, including most of the girls. Rock on, but also I wonder if this means most of the boys took home ec. Basic life skills shouldn’t be gendered.

Hilary snarks back that she doesn’t know what Megan learned in auto shop, but her classes didn’t include learning how to murder someone by sabotaging their car.

Hilary might be my exact brand of asshole.

After they hang up, Megan goes around having angst over the accident, and Juliet’s situation, and remembers that she cut art class on Tuesday, so the drawing could have been there before the accident, making it a warning rather than a cruel taunt. Okay. I’m not sure why all the Point Horror villains want to announce their evil intentions before they do the thing, but it’s the trope, so here we are.

She wonders if Sheriff Toomey would take her seriously, but figures he won’t since it’s a fucking crayon (confirmed!) drawing. She decides to consider it some more before running off to be laughed out of the police station. She also thinks that he’s a nice man, but we in the real world are all too aware that #ACAB, so. (Although thinking of Point Horror cops as copaganda amuses me greatly. They’re all incompetent assholes who look at very obvious threats and dismiss them as harmless pranks. If only that were the worst thing real life cops did.)

Juliet shows up in the mirror again, bringing her blast of air conditioning with her. Well, that’s one way to beat a heat wave. Megan is still disbelieving, even as Jules gives her more details about the switch. Megan would be incorporeal, Juliet would be in her body, and no one would be able to see or hear Megan when she’s in that state. I mean, Megan can “see” and hear Juliet, so I have my doubts about that, but okay.

Juliet’s sadness and yearning is getting to Megan, who keeps comparing her situation to her friends’, and Jules applies pressure to the spot – there’s this time crunch; she won’t be able to trade even a minute after Megan’s birthday, because they have to be the exact same age! Okay . . . these are some wack rules, but since I like Diane Hoh, I’ll roll with it.

Megan tells Juliet about the accident, and how it was really attempted murder, and she could be next, so now might not be the best time since Juliet could possibly be murderized while in Megan’s body. I’m not so sure why everyone in town believes this one car wreck is the prelude to a murder spree, but . . . sure. Juliet says that she’s willing to risk it, because this is her only chance – if Megan says no, she’ll disappear forever!

Wait. Does that make sense? You’ve been a ghost for, what, 45 years? Why would you suddenly disappear now? Once you find someone with your birthday, who will listen to you, that’s it? That starts the Disappear Into Nothingness countdown clock?

WTF is up with these bizarre-ass arbitrary rules, guys?

Megan’s like, that’s all well and good that you’re willing to take that risk with my body, but what would happen to me if you got my body killed, and Jules reassures her that she can sense evil in people, so she’d actually be safer! What. Megan realizes this means Juliet could maybe find out who tried to kill her friends, and is that much closer to saying yes. Also, oh, the town is called Lakeside. That’s original.

Juliet is thrilled by Megan’s “maybe,” and peaces out to let Megan consider it more. Megan refuses to think about it at night, because it’s too scary, then goes to bed and sleeps like shit.

The next day, Megan gets a ride to school with Justin instead of riding her bike, for reasons unexplained. She tries to tell him what’s going on, but when she asks him what he thinks happens to a person after they die, if their spirit hangs around, he tells her those are strange questions. I mean, not really? Most people at some point wonder about that? Then Justin doubles down on being an ass by interrupting Meg when she says something weird is going on at her house. According to him, what’s actually weird is someone screwing up Jenny’s steering, and additionally, Megan’s house is probably the one place in town where weird things aren’t happening!

First off, this is not an example of a good listener. Either Megan doesn’t know what it means to be a good listener, or Hoh has forgotten that was one of Justin’s personality traits. Second, I’m sorry, did I miss all the other weird stuff going on in town? One car wreck is hardly cause for town-wide panic. Third, just fuck off, Justin. I think my earlier assessment was right – throw the whole man away, Megan.

Oh, apparently one of the things Justin likes about Megan is that she’s not like the other girls, because she really listens to him.

Megan, please set Justin on fire, please and thank you.

Somehow it’s brought up that Megan has also turned Donny down for a date, and he took it “okay” when she said “no, thank you.” There’s a whole Tumblr blog showing screencaps of women saying “no thank you” to men on dating sites, and they rarely take it “okay.” In fact, here’s one of my experiences from OKCupid a few years back (this guy was pretty notorious on Tumblr dating blogs around 5 or 6 years ago, so I’d looked up his profile out of curiosity. Apparently he messaged everyone who looked at his profile . . . )

Ah yes. I harangued and abused you, surely this should make you interested in talking to me?!

I just spent way too long searching for those screencaps, by the way.

Anyway, back to Justin and Megan.

Justin tells Megan she should steer clear of Donny because “his alphabet is missing a few letters.” Never heard that term before, but I guarantee you some of the letters he still possesses are “MRA” and possibly “MGTOW.”

Megan asks him if there’s a championship horse named Jenny or something, then shows him the crayon drawing. He identifies the “horse” as a mule, based on the ears, and female mules are called jennies. Oh, it’s a mule? Okay. I was thinking it was actually a donkey and was prepared to make a joke about the artist calling Jenny an ass. Damn you for ruining my joke, Hoh!

Okay, so I just Googled it, because I thought something was hinky here, and I’m right! A female donkey is called a jenny; a female mule is just called a mare, or sometimes a molly. WTF, Hoh! You were wrong, and it messed up my joke! Fucking fuckity fuck!

Megan explains where the drawing came from, and Justin tells her to meet him in the school newspaper office after school. At lunch, Hilary complains that “that viper” Vicki Deems is back in school after a week suspension for cheating on a test. Hilary wishes they would suspend her for life, and uh, sweetie, that’s called expulsion. Apparently Vicki makes sexy Karen Tucker look like Snow White, and Megan thinks some bitchy thoughts about Vicki’s spider eyes sizing up the boys like juicy flies, and that it’s no wonder she has lots of boyfriends, but no girl friends. Or maybe, and stick with me here, she doesn’t have female friends because you’re all bitchily judging her and talking shit behind her back? Just a thought.

Megan also thinks about how she doesn’t want Vicki at her party, and, like, just don’t invite her, then? I guess she’s worried about this because the guy Hilary was hoping would ask her to the party is now guaranteed to ask Vicki instead because of her skin-tight halter top or whatever. I guess the guy is invited to the party? See, this is the problem with people being expected to bring dates to a birthday party. You’re going to end up with a lot of people there that you didn’t invite, simply because they’re someone’s plus one. This is just dumb.

Any. Fucking. Way.

Megan goes to her art cubbyhole after school, just in case the homicidal artist created another threatening masterpiece for her. And guess what? They totally did! This one is a curved pink line on a piece of blue construction paper. It looks like a bump on the paper. Somehow Megan deduces that it’s a hill, and Hilary is in danger!

Now, my friend and fellow recapper, Dove, made the point in her recap of this book  that it was very convenient that Megan apparently picked the paper up so that it was oriented in the right way to figure out what the fuck she’s looking at. She pointed out that had she picked it up sideways, a person could stare at it for ages without figuring out what they’re looking at, and to prove it, she included a visual aid demonstrating that were it cocked the wrong way, there’s no way it looks like a hill.

I’m going to do you one better. Here are all the ways you could have picked this paper up:

Maybe you get “hill” from the first one. The second one? Boobs. That is a profile of boobs. You will never convince me otherwise. The third? Who the fuck knows? A ditch, maybe? A shallow grave? The fourth? I . . . yeah, no clue. It probably doesn’t help that my “hill” ended up a bit lopsided.

Anyway, Megan magically knows she’s looking at a threat on Hilary and races to the auditorium where Hill is “tying up loose ends” after the junior class play last week. I hope “tying up loose ends” in this case means pressure-washing blood off the stage, because so many of these teen thrillers have grievous injuries occur on these stages.

Oh, sure enough, Megan gets there just in time to see Hilary lean out over the catwalk to grab a rope, then fall.

It’s totes okay, though. This is classic Point Horror, where the stakes are low and the body count is lower.

Hilary manages to grab the rope she was reaching for and hangs on for dear life, dangling over the stage. The boys she was working with run to get a ladder and help her down, where she tells Megan she felt someone push her. Unfortunately, no one was in a position to see who it was. One of the boys tells her she probably fell, and Hill retorts that she is not a falling sort of person. I absolutely love Hilary so far.

Hill says she’s reporting this to the principal, and Megan considers mentioning the drawing of the wavy line, but figures no one else will see it for the threat it was. Megan asks Hilary if she’s going to pass out (because she still looks a little shaky), and Hill tells her that if she were a passing out kind of person, she would have done it while she was hanging from that rope like a piece of meat in a butcher shop.

I heart Hilary.

As they walk to the principal’s office, Megan continues to wonder who is attacking her friends – Donny, because all the girls reject him? Vicki, knocking off the competition so she can have all the boys to herself? Oh my god whut? (Although, if this were R.L. Stine, that would absolutely be the storyline.)

The principal doesn’t believe Hill was pushed since no one saw it, and refuses to investigate anything. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. He calls Hilary’s mom to come pick her up, and Hill fumes as she waits outside with Megan. Meg asks if she’s okay, because her eyes are glazed over, and Hill responds that she’s fine; she’s just mad now. Yup, I also get the glazed 1000-yard-stare thing going on when I’m really pissed off. Oh, Hilary, we might have been the same damn person when I was 15.

After Hilary is safely in her mom’s custody, Meg goes to the school paper office to see Justin, but when she gets there she sees Vicki sitting on the desk in front of him, leaning over to whisper in his ear. To add insult to injury, Justin is, get this, listening to her! The horror.

Megan freezes in the doorway, worried that Justin will ask Vicki to her party, after all, he’s a healthy, normal, red-blooded American male, and that was some halter top!

Okay. First off, it sounds like you’re the one having trouble resisting Vicki, Megan. Secondly, not loving the insinuation that males who aren’t attracted to Vicki aren’t normal. What a giant “fuck you” to gay and asexual guys. Also, no matter how hot or sexy someone is considered, not everyone actually is going to be attracted to them! Maybe this is just Megan’s characterization and not Hoh’s actual thoughts on the matter, but damn. Get a hold of yourself, girl.

Vicki looks up and greets Megan, which I’m sure Meg takes as a declaration of war, and Justin looks up “guiltily.” But why, though? He and Megan aren’t together, so why is he acting like a guilty boyfriend? Obviously they’re both into each other, but they’d rather do this dance where nothing is official but Megan acts like a jealous harpy whenever Justin is aware other girls exist.

God. So, Megan, being the mature individual that she is, turns and runs from the room. Justin, foolishly, calls after her, to no avail. No word on what Vicki does, but if Megan’s telling the story, she was probably rubbing her hands together like a cartoon villain and cackling evilly.

Megan runs all the way home, and tries to put thoughts of “friends in danger, vicious vipers, and treacherous males” out of her head. How was Vicki vicious? How was Justin treacherous? YOU’RE NOT DATING HIM, YOU FUCKING ENTITLED DRAMA QUEEN!

Somehow all of this has made up Megan’s mind – she’s going to agree to the “trade” with Juliet. She sits in front of the mirror and calls Juliet’s name, but nothing happens. Well. That was anticlimactic.

Megan tries every few minutes throughout the evening, to no avail. She calls to check on Hilary, then goes to bed and dreams about being enveloped by spiderwebs as a giant spider moves in on her. I’m surprised she doesn’t think the spider reminds her of Vicki.

She wakes up freezing, and realizes it’s because Juliet has finally deigned to show up. She explains that she was so afraid Megan was going to say no, that she couldn’t bring herself to hear it. Uh-huh. Megan asks for a deeper explanation of the switch, then insists on “practicing” a few times before the real thing. They practice, Megan walking into the mirror (. . . okayyyyy), and whenever Meg wants to be herself again, she just has to say “I am Megan and I want to be me again.”

Incidentally, that is the one line from this book that I’ve always remembered. (Okay, I remembered it as ” . . . and I want to be myself again,” but still.)

Megan doesn’t like being in the mirror, but Juliet reminds her that she doesn’t have to stay there, she can “go wherever you want, as long as you don’t leave the lake area.” So . . . she can’t really go wherever she wants then, can she. Also, how far does “the lake area” extend? Because it’s been established that Juliet has been following Megan around, studying her, so. Okay.

Megan agrees to trade with Juliet the next night, which will give her a week in Megan’s body, and switch back the day before the party. Yes. Because the girl who wants to experience dates and parties while in your body will surely leave right before your party. I one hundred percent believe this, yessir.

So, Megan spends the day (Saturday . . . wait, does that mean her party is on a Sunday? That’s weird.) running around doing errands for the party, until the one thing left is “ask Justin.” Wait, wait, wait. Justin is obviously invited to the party already, but Megan additionally wants to ask him as her date? Why did this only just now sink in for me. He’s already coming to the party, but she wants to ask him to the party. I guess it would just be like, Do you want to be my date at my party that you’re already coming to regardless? Oh, but wait. I’m forgetting that if she doesn’t ask him to actually be her date at the party they’re both going to be at, he will be expected to bring a date that’s not her, because this is some weird alternate universe where you must bring a date to a birthday party on pain of death.

Moving on.

Juliet assures Megan that she will ask Justin to the party he’s already going to, and he WILL say yes, dammit! Then they switch, and this time feels weird and icky to Megan – instead of lightness and rainbows and shit, this time it feels like she’s being wrenched apart. Additionally, it’s fucking freezing in the afterlife. Or . . . whatever plane Meg is on. She can see her room, but far away, like through a telescope. I would argue that telescopes make things appear closer, but I probably wouldn’t be able to hear Megan’s reply.

Juliet tells her that it feels different this time because it’s for real instead of for practice, then dances around the room, excited to have a whole week as Megan. Meg tells her to calm down because she’s not really a “bouncing off the walls” type person, but like, is your family really going to suspect that your body is playing host to the ghost of a dead girl? Maybe they’ll just think someone gave you cocaine in the school bathroom, like my mom accused me of the first time I had a manic episode!

Anyway, Juliet peaces out to take a long bath and apply more makeup. When Megan follows her down to dinner, she notices that she’s made herself up like a 1940s starlet, with eight coats of mascara and blue eyeshadow. Oh. Was blue eyeshadow all the rage in the 40s? I tend to think of that as being a 60s thing.

Thomas, Megan’s 10-year-old brother, is starring in what I assume is a community theater production of Peter Pan, and when Mom mentions it to Juliet, she’s all like, fuck that noise, I’m going to the mall! But Megan had promised to go, and Justin is going to be there writing a story on it for the school paper, so Juliet laughs it off and says of course she’ll go to the play, she was only joking about the mall.

Megan is having some buyers’ remorse, but Juliet is so thrilled with being alive again that Megan can’t bring herself to back out of their deal. She miserably decides to follow them to the theater.

Unless that theater is literally on an island in the lake, I’m having serious confusion over what “don’t leave the lake area” means. Juliet, could you please specify the radius around the lake that I have to stay inside? Thanks.

All the parents at the theater have their teenagers with them, because I guess it’s a town full of drama queens. Good lord, you’d think Ted Bundy was on the loose. Hilary joins them and comments on Juliet’s excess use of makeup, and because this is a thing that annoys me due to an incident related to my mother’s gaslighting of me, I’m going to amuse myself by imagining that Juliet has done herself up in full Juggalo (Juggalette) facepaint instead of just using a bit more eyeshadow than usual.

Justin shows up, and Juliet greets him far more enthusiastically than Megan would, and they spend the whole show flirting and holding hands. Um. Look, this behavior is confusing as fuck if they’re not actually dating. No wonder Justin wasn’t sure if he was allowed to flirt with Vicki or not.

The group heads back to Megan’s house after the play, because none of the parents are letting the kids go to the mall or anything. Mom (whose name is Constance, because apparently that’s going to be important later) tells Juliet that the parents are only keeping the kids in protective custody until the sheriff catches whoever tampered with “those cars” and pushed Hilary off the catwalk. Sorry, “those” plural, cars? Did . . . did I miss an epidemic of car fuckery? As far as the story has told us, it’s one fucking car.

Megan sympathizes about Juliet choosing the worst time in Lakeside to trade bodies, since the kids are all on lockdown and she won’t get to go out and have any fun. Huh. And here we currently are in Pandemic Lockdown 2020 due to Covid. Parallels! (Except nobody is taking shit seriously and Disneyworld is about to reopen. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands have died, with thousands of new cases popping up daily. But yeah, Liberal hoax or whatever.)

Am I recapping angry? There’s so much to be angry about these days. *shrug*

The teens gather in the den to watch a science-fiction movie that Justin talked them into, because of course sci-fi is strictly the domain of men; and Megan notices Hilary keeps giving Juliet weird looks. She wishes she could have told Hilary why she wouldn’t be acting like herself for the next week. Yeah, because I’m sure she would have believed you, Megan.

It’s too depressing for Meg to keep watching Juliet be a more fun version of herself, so she drifts out to the lake with her family, who have gone out in their boat. Oh, sorry, it’s just the menfolk who are on the boat. I guess that’s also a “just for men” thing. No idea where Mom is.

Lots of people are out on the lake, reminding me that I keep thinking this is a private lake for some reason. Probably because it’s basically in their backyard and they have their own dock. Anyway, Megan sees Vicki on a boat with some guys she doesn’t recognize, and thinks that they’re probably from another town, because Vicki probably already conquered the entire male population of Lakeside and had to move on to fresh new territory.

What the fuck, Megan.

Meg isn’t having fun at the lake, either. She can’t feel anything, not the water or the air, so she follows her dad and brother back to shore. When they get to the dock, she spots something floating in the water.

It’s her mom, facedown and unconscious! Dun-dun-DUN!

Megan feels super helpless, but fortunately Thomas spots Mom and he and Dad get her out of the water. Megan rushes (floats? zooms?) into the house and yells to Juliet to call 911, which she does before Thomas runs in to tell her what happened. He doesn’t notice she’s already on the phone, but Justin is like WTF. (Hilary has left the building sometime before this.)

When Justin asks her how she knew something was going on, she says she saw them through the window. Okay. I would love it if the window was actually facing the wrong way, but sadly it’s not. Or no one says it is, anyway.

Turns out Mom was sitting on the dock, and something (someone?) hit her from behind, sending her into the water. When she touches the back of her head, it’s all bloody.

Everyone piles into various vehicles and goes to the hospital with Mom, including Ghost Megan riding in the ambulance with her, proving that “stay in the lake area” is completely meaningless. Dad wants to stay the night at the hospital with her, but she insists the kids not be left alone at the house. You know, on account of Ted Bundy roaming the town.

Once Juliet has seen Justin off, Megan announces that she wants to switch back. She hated how helpless she felt watching Mom drown and not being able to do anything. Juliet turns on the tears and begs Megan to keep to their deal. She swears she’ll look after Meg’s mom for her, and cries that she didn’t even get a full day to live.

Megan eventually relents, but says that if anything else bad happens, the deal is off. That’s cute. Then Juliet tells her that after Hilary left (because she was feeling like a third wheel, Juliet speculates), she asked Justin to Meg’s party for her. So, as she tells Megan, “Justin is coming to your party.” But . . . wasn’t he already? He just wasn’t her date yet, but he was fucking coming to the party already. I don’t think Hoh knows how invitations work, which is weird because she literally wrote a book called The Invitation.

Then Juliet goes to sleep, not a care in the world.

Meg finds another crayon-on-construction-paper drawing that fell out of her bag while Juliet was going through it earlier. She speculates that someone slipped it in her bag while she was out running errands. Or . . . the notes are coming from inside the house . . . ? Anyway, this one is of a man in a grey and black striped uniform, which she identifies as a convict, and a leg bent so that the knee is emphasized. Con + Knee. I guess trying to figure out how to depict “Constance” was too taxing. Also, let’s play a game of “What Would JC Have Thought This Said?” Prisoner leg? Inmate joint? Criminal ninety degree angle?

Megan frantically wakes Juliet up and finally thinks to ask her what would happen to her if something happened to her body while Juliet was in it. Well, you’d be trapped in Juliet’s world, Megan.

I find it odd that we’re phrasing it like that. Isn’t Juliet a ghost? Isn’t Megan essentially a ghost while Juliet has her body? Point is, it’s the same world, isn’t it? You’re just floating through it incorporeally. It’s not fucking Narnia.

Oh, apparently now we are referring to Constance as Connie, because the whole town is “severely shaken” by the attack on Connie Logan. At least this makes more sense than thinking one car accident is the start of Jack the Ripper’s reign.

In the morning, Megan tells Juliet to be on the lookout for more threats from the art school reject, and Juliet is . . . suspiciously unconcerned with the whole thing? Then she finds out that if something happens to her body, she’ll only be trapped in Juliet’s “world” until Saturday night, when she’ll go “poof!” and disappear just like Juliet would.

Hold up. What the fuck sense does this make? Why wouldn’t Megan get to wait it out until she could find someone her age, with her birthday, etc etc? I know we’re trying to increase the tension here, but . . . WHAT ARE THE RULES?!

I . . . okay. I still like Hoh, so I’m rolling with it. I guess. Boy, this book falls apart when you inspect it closely.

Mom comes home from the hospital, and Dad gives Juliet permission to go study at the library with Justin. Instead of following them, which is what I thought she was going to do, Megan . . . wanders aimlessly through town. But everyone is staying indoors, and no one is getting murdered in the streets, so she eventually ends up back at the house (I’m seriously still annoyed that “stay near the lake” apparently means “go wherever the fuckity fuck you feel like”). Justin’s car is parked in the driveway, and he and Juliet are making out like there’s no tomorrow. Megan is jealous as fuck, but reminds herself that Justin thinks he’s making out with her.

After Juliet finally comes in, she gets a call from Hilary, who apparently wants an apology for something that Juliet doesn’t think she needs to apologize for. Megan demands to know what Juliet did to her, and it turns out Juliet basically told her it was too bad she had to hang out with her and Justin instead of having a date of her own on a Saturday night. Megan is shocked that that’s why Hill left instead of leaving because she was tired. But . . . Juliet literally told Meg that Hill left because she probably felt like a third wheel. Where is this “she was tired” thing coming from?

Megan wishes she could call Hilary and make it up to her. Juliet peaces out to take yet another long bath. Megan mopes about how long the next six days are going to be.

The next morning, Juliet is doing more to piss Megan off – first she doesn’t do the dishes, then she wears Megan’s peasant blouse with her shoulders exposed. Again, the horror. Megan decides to follow her to school, partly to make sure she’s safe, because Megan is a bit naive, and partly to make sure she doesn’t totally ruin her life. Which she immediately does by getting into an argument with Hilary. Cool. Megan watches Vicki watch the argument with eyes smoldering with hatred, and assumes it’s because she wants Justin for herself. Oh, she also thinks Vicki is evil and is the one attacking people because she just hates everyone. Sure.

Megan drifts off to check the art cubbyhole, and I’m really confused about this whole ghost experience, because she describes it as a “hideous invisible wall between her and her familiar world,” which is a very strange way to describe being incorporeal. I mean, it was first described that way because she was looking out of the mirror, but now? I dunno. It’s weird.

Anyway, somehow Megan can see the drawing in the cubbyhole. I guess it’s positioned perfectly for her ghost gaze. It’s a crayon drawing of a drum. I would think it’s a threat that someone is about to get beaten, but Megan recognizes it as a tom-tom. Thomas! Which is both her brother and her dad’s name, so she’s not sure who the threat is actually against.

At home, Juliet says she didn’t tell Megan about the drawing because she didn’t know about it – she cut art class. And also English, the one class she shares with Vicki, so Meg couldn’t ask if she felt any evil coming off her. Boo.

Juliet wants to meet Justin at the “ice cream store” in the mall. Is that like the hamburger store?

Anyway, Dad says nobody is leaving the house tonight. Juliet, surprisingly, doesn’t argue.

Oh, she doesn’t argue because she waits for Dad to go to bed, then sneaks out. How, uh . . . how early is Dad going to bed?

Megan follows Juliet with the idea that she’ll make her come back to the house. Oh, sweetie. You’re so dumb.

When Megan gets to the mall, the ice cream “store” is the only shop still open, because it stays open late to attract the after-movie crowd. Hilary is yelling at Vicki in the corridor, because apparently Vicki had the fucking audacity to call “Megan” a flirt. Oh. A flirt. How dare she. Vicki is under the impression that Justin would be hers if it weren’t for those meddling kids, and as she stomps away, Megan again wonders how far she would go. Sure sure sure, this isn’t an obvious red herring or anything.

Hilary walks into the ice cream “store” and ignores Justin and Juliet, who are cuddled up in a booth, and also are the only people there. Apparently the booths are pink-and-white striped, so since I grew up playing with My Little Ponies, this is exactly what I’m picturing:

God, this brings back memories

Also, I find it really odd that Hoh keeps calling it an ice cream “store.” It seems to be an ice cream parlor, where you can order your sundaes and whatnot, but also order cartons of ice cream to take home, as that’s what Hilary is doing.

Justin tries to make nice to Hilary, but Juliet couldn’t care less. At least until he offers to ask Megan’s dad about letting them take the boat out (when? surely not tonight?), and Juliet almost has a heart attack. Hilary doesn’t pay attention, but after she leaves, Justin wonders what’s up with Juliet’s reaction. She plays it off as being upset over her mother almost drowning in the lake, and he accepts this.

Justin asks if she’s going to take the crayon drawing Megan showed him to the police, and Juliet doesn’t know what he’s talking about at first, but then remembers. Megan thinks it’s a good thing she showed the picture to Juliet, or she’d have no idea what Justin was talking about. Uh-huh. Anyway, she says no, the sheriff wouldn’t take a crayon drawing seriously. Megan wonders why she doesn’t mention the three other drawings. Actually, Megan thinks “two drawings,” but there have been three since the one of the ass driving the car – the wavy line; the Hamburglar, and Drumline.

Hoh is not doing so well with the continuity in this one, y’all.

Anyway, when Justin goes to pay the bill, Megan tells Juliet she’d better get home before she gets caught, then delivers the whammy – if Dad finds out, he might cancel the party! This gets Juliet’s ass in gear, and she apologizes to Megan for being such a pain.

At home, Megan asks why Juliet didn’t tell Justin there were three total drawings (THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, MEGAN!), and she brushes it off because it doesn’t make for very romantic conversation with Justin. Megan begs Juliet to be more careful with her life, and Juliet agrees to keep an eye out for danger.

Then Megan spots a reminder card for a hair appointment Saturday afternoon. Juliet claims it was a surprise, and she would never have gone to her Sweet Sixteen without getting her hair done first. Megan counters that Juliet is not her, which Juliet finds disturbingly funny. She agrees to cancel the appointment in the morning.

Yeah, uh, Megan? You worried about any of this yet? No? Mmkay then.

Megan continues to worry about how she’s going to keep an eye on her dad, brother, and Juliet. Because Megan not only can’t read the writing on the wall, she’s unaware that there is writing. Or a wall.

Nothing much happens for the next two days. Megan decided to follow Juliet to school every day, and she’s doing her best Megan impression, including making up with Hilary. At lunch, Juliet thinks Donny is creepy, so I see we haven’t totally kicked that red herring to the curb in favor of Vicki.

Juliet talks a lot to Megan about the changes in the world in the last 46 years, and this math is off. It should be 45, but Hoh keeps saying 46. It’s been established that it’s 1991 in book universe. Juliet was born in 1930, and died just before her sixteenth birthday, which would have been in 1946. 1991 – 1946 = 45. You’ve been dead for 45 years, Juliet, not 46. What the fuck, Hoh?

Seriously, I don’t recall Hoh being this fucking bad with continuity in any of her other books. Maybe she was in a hurry with this one?

Whatever. Anyway, Juliet is still annoyed that Dad isn’t letting her out of the house to do anything fun, and complains to Megan that whoever the bad guy was must have decided it was too risky to keep attacking people. Megan tells her that she doesn’t know that.

Spoilers?

Megan still worries that someone is “out there” waiting to do her family harm. Sure, yes, out there and totally not sleeping in your bed and wearing your skin. Good lord, Megan.

Thursday afternoon, the shit hits the fan. Thomas is fifteen minutes late coming home from school, which I guess is a lot if you’re worried about homicidal artists offing your family and friends. Megan goes to look for him, and sees him biking along the road, where a semi truck is bearing down on him. He tries to brake, but the bike just keeps going. The semi hits him head-on, flinging him up in the air where he somersaults twice before landing on the verge.

Oh. Hey, I’ve seen/read Pet Sematary, too! Little kid vs a semi truck does not end well.

Apparently you can see the entire fucking town from Megan’s kitchen window, because Mom sees the crumpled bike on the street and races out the back door. I thought the back of the house faced the lake . . . ? Hell, I’ve given up on trying to map out this house/lake/town. Which is now being called a village, by the way.

As Megan watches Thomas being loaded up on the ambulance, she can’t figure out why he couldn’t stop. She saw him pumping the brakes; did someone sabotage them? But nobody would hurt a child, not even Vicki! Unless . . . she were CRAZY, because you’d have to be CRAZY to target a whole family! CRAZY! Welp, there it is. I was waiting for Hoh to disappoint me, and she did not disappoint . . . in that she did disappoint. I mean. You know.

Megan sees Juliet hanging out on the corner, and runs (floats? blows?) over to tell her what happened. Juliet is more worried that Megan’s party will be cancelled. Megan can’t comprehend why Juliet cares, since she won’t be going to the party, anyway.

*stares into the camera like Jim from The Office*

Okay, Megan.

Turns out Thomas only has a fractured pelvis, broken leg, and a concussion, rather than literally every bone being turned into jelly. Damn. I was hoping we’d get to bury a kid in the Old Indian Burial Grounds™.

At home, Megan finds out that Juliet still hasn’t cancelled the hair appointment, because of course she fucking hasn’t, you imbecile. Then Juliet proudly shows off the construction paper and crayons she stole out of Donny “Red Pill” Richardson’s locker, proving he’s the homicidal artist! She’s going to go to the police and he’ll be arrested for sure, and then Dad will let her leave the house again!

Okay, art supplies prove literally nothing. Especially if he’s in art class. I don’t think you understand how criminal investigations work, Juliet and Megan.

Megan worries about someone seeing “her” breaking into Donny’s locker, and Juliet reassures her that she just left Megan’s body sleeping in the library and ethereally popped over to the locker in spirit only. Oh, Juliet can just leave Megan’s body whenever she feels like it and invisibly fuck with the corporeal world? Maybe pay attention to that, Megan!

But also, why can Juliet physically interact with the world, but Megan can’t? Is it experience? Is this just Ghost? Also also, to an observer, would they have just seen the art supplies merrily floating down the hallway on their own? I have questions I need answered, Hoh!

Megan still doesn’t feel better about anything, even though she’s sure the sheriff will arrest Donny tomorrow. It’s like Megan is smart enough to know that things should trouble her, but too dumb to figure out why.

The next morning, Juliet has already left before Megan comes in from the lake, where she apparently spends the nights wandering around. She notices a new party dress in her closet, black with pink trim. She wonders if Juliet has a fancy date with Justin, because there aren’t a lot of places in town she could wear a dress like that.

Except, you know, your Sweet Sixteen party.

Megan spends the day at the hospital, where Thomas is conscious but listless. And also more concerned about his bike than about himself. Okay then. She goes to the school to find Juliet, but sees Donny leaving school, decidedly un-arrested. Unable to find Juliet at school or at home, she heads for the hospital, where the sheriff has popped up to ask questions and inform them that the truck driver also tried to brake but nothing happened. Then he goes into a long, out-of-place lament on how forty years ago their house was the only one on the lake, and Martha’s family didn’t even think about locking their doors because things were so safe.

Megan wonders why Juliet didn’t tell the sheriff about the art supplies in a fellow student’s locker, and finally finds her back at home. She went for a ride with Justin after school. Turns out the sheriff wasn’t in his office when she went there before school, and she couldn’t wait around because then she’d be late for school, and Megan didn’t want her cutting any more classes.

Passive-aggressive much, Juliet?

Juliet deflects Megan’s concerns by telling her that the party isn’t cancelled after all (didn’t know that was a concern, but okay), and that the new dress is for Megan when she asks about that. Juliet tells her that the dress Megan picked out was too juvenile, even though she’d said it was pretty before.

Megan can’t believe Juliet and Martha were friends, because they’re so different. Um, Juliet actually told you she didn’t know Martha well, and also, do you think your grandma didn’t change at all from the time she was a teenager to the time she was your grandma? But this reminds Megan of what the sheriff said about this house being the only one on the lake forty years ago, and asks Juliet where she lived; was it on this street?

Cappie calls then, and turns out Juliet is off to meet up with the gang at Justin’s house. She’d rather be running wild through town, but it is what it is. Megan realizes her dad will be alone in the house, and wonders why Juliet didn’t suggest everyone come over to her house, but when she goes back upstairs to suggest it to her, she’s already gone.

Megan haunts around the house until her dad goes to bed, then wanders out to the lake, thinking how it’s a miracle nothing bad has happened to Juliet. Yeah. Miracle. Totally.

When she gets back to the house, it’s late, and Juliet is home and in bed, fast asleep. Megan thinks it’s odd she’s not out wringing every moment of fun out of her last night alive. Mmhmm. Very odd.

In the morning, Juliet goes to see the sheriff, but he’s not there and won’t be back til dinnertime. But what time is that, though? People eat dinner from like 5-9PM; “dinnertime” is not a set time! I had dinner at like ten o’clock last night! WHAT TIME DO YOU ACTUALLY MEAN?!

Back at the house, Dad is doing some kind of repairs that require him to be on a ladder, so you know this is going to go well. Megan looks around for Juliet, and finds her lying light as a feather stiff as a board on the bed. She thinks it’s weird that Juliet is napping, but also she doesn’t look relaxed like someone taking a nap.

Then Dad screams and there’s a breaking-glass sound, and Juliet sits bolt upright, “awake” now. Megan doesn’t have time to do the math, and rushes to see her dad on the ground amid broken glass from a picture window the ladder crashed through when it fell. I’m having a hard time picturing how this happened, but not enough to be snarky about it. Anyway, Dad is bruised and bloody, but seems more sheepish than grievously injured. (Juliet scolds him that he shouldn’t have been on a ladder in sandals. Agreed.)

As Juliet helps Dad disinfect and bandage his cuts, Megan finally, finally starts doing the math. She thinks that Juliet didn’t look asleep, she looked . . . empty, then she remembers that Juliet can leave her body whenever she wants, she thinks about how Juliet was never worried about anything bad happening to her, and she realizes Juliet could easily have nipped out of her body to attack her mom, because Justin never noticed what was going on around him when he was engrossed in a movie.

But then she wonders why Juliet would spend her one precious week of life wreaking havoc. Goddammit, Megan.

Oh, wait, no! By George, I think our girl’s finally got it! She thinks about the hair appointment, and the dress, and FUCKING FINALLY realizes that Juliet intends to just keep her body. She can’t figure out why she’s so evil, though.

Fortunately Juliet is back in the bedroom to explain things to Megan. It’s very simple, really – it’s all because of Grandma Martha. She was Juliet’s stepsister.

We now interrupt this Point Horror novel to bring you Cinderella.

Megan protests that Martha only had one stepsister named Etta, as if people never use different diminutives. Sure enough, Juliet is actually Julietta, and her wicked stepmother (Martha’s mom) forced her to go by Etta because “Julietta” was too fanciful. Damn. I have stepmother issues, but at least she never forced me to change my name.

Blah blah blah, Stepmom was terrible; Martha hated Juliet as much as Juliet hated her; Juliet supposedly stole all of Martha’s friends (there’s a lot to be said on this issue. Sure, you can’t “steal” a person, but I was a kid who had a few friends “stolen” from me, so it’s a phenomena that exists. It was usually accomplished by a girl who hated me making friends with my friend, then occupying all the friend’s time and excluding me, or being so horrible to me when I was around that I just . . . didn’t want to be around anymore. And gradually the “friend” just got colder and more distant toward me until we just weren’t friends anymore.).

Juliet hated living in this big country house; hated not living in the city; hated that these fucking hicks went on picnics rather than having dinner parties. You’re, uh, not making yourself very sympathetic, Juliet. There’s nothing wrong with a nice picnic.

Anyway, her dad forced her out on the lake with Martha, to keep her company since she’d stolen all of Martha’s friends or whatever. They fought on the boat, and Juliet tried to grab the oars, then they hit a rock and both girls were thrown overboard. (Unfortunately, there was no sign of Kurt Russell or Goldie Hawn.) Juliet was knocked unconscious, but according to her, Martha was fine, and just clung to the boat and watched Juliet drown rather than saving her.

Megan denies that Martha would do that, and points out that Juliet was unconscious, so she has no idea if Martha tried to save her or not. Megan thinks she probably did, but Juliet hated her so much she just wants to believe Martha did nothing.

Juliet is incensed that she’s the one who died, because she was pretty and popular, and Martha got to live, because she was dull and liked books and bird watching. I feel very attacked right now, by the way.

Megan is still confused as to why Juliet attacked her friends and family. It was to hurt Megan, because Martha loved her. Juliet didn’t have the chance to punish Martha, so she’ll take it out on Megan, thank you very much.

See, this is where the logic of this world totally breaks down for me. Why couldn’t she do anything to Martha? She’s apparently been lurking around since her death; Martha lived in this house for years, why couldn’t Juliet just push her down the stairs or some shit? Because Juliet never says she was pulled out of the ether when Megan moved in; she only made it sound like she could only trade with Megan. My impression was that she was here and aware the whole 45 (not 46!) years she’s been dead. Therefore, it makes no sense that she wouldn’t have taken revenge directly. And if she only popped into the world after Megan moved in, that was not made clear at all.

Megan is shocked that Juliet made her think it was Donny or Vicki attacking her family, and come on, Meg. You suspected Vicki all on your own; Juliet never said a word about her.

Juliet says she has to go find Justin now, since he broke their date because of Thomas’s accident, and oh yeah, the only reason she hasn’t hurt him is because she wants him for herself; Megan knows that, right? Then Megan actually tries the whole “I’m Megan and I want to be me again” thing, and I’m sure Juliet almost dies laughing at her. Like she would give Megan an easy way back into her body. Nope, that only works if both parties are willing. It’s like the honor system, you know?

Megan freaks out, vowing she’ll get her body back before midnight, before she poofs into non-existence, then yells that Juliet is evil and she hates her! Juliet replies that she should curse Martha instead, as she has for the last 46 years. It’s 45, Juliet. 45. Although, she did hate her before she died, so maybe this use of 46 is acceptable.

Now we randomly switch to Justin’s POV, even though we’ve been following Megan all this time. Okay. He’s not so sure how much he likes the “new” Megan and suddenly remembers her trying to tell him something weird was going on at her house. He can’t quite remember what she said, though. Oh, gee whiz, really? Is it maybe because you cut her off to mansplain about what’s actually weird in town? Then he realizes that with all the terrible things happening, Megan could be next, and wonders why he never thought of that until now!

Because you’re a self-centered jagoff?

Megan is still trying to figure out how to get Juliet to willingly trade back with her. She remembers that she’s terrified of the water, and wonders if she can communicate with Justin. Fortuitously, Justin shows up at the house, but no one’s home so he goes to sit on the dock to wait.

Megan finds him and manages to make him hear her, although at first he thinks she’s hiding somewhere and playing games with him. She finally gets him to understand the situation, and they plan to lure Juliet out on the lake with the promise of a romantic time under the moon or something. Oh, also, it’s eleven-thirty, so they only have half an hour until Megan . . . discorporates? Goes poof.

Jesus Christ, why did we leave this until the last minute?

I like this book, but this is getting tedious. I’m going to hurry this along as much as I can.

After much cajoling, bullying, and gaslighting, Justin convinces Juliet to come out in the boat with him. Megan thinks that will be enough, but it’s not. He steers them toward the cove; Juliet panics; Megan reveals herself; Juliet digs in harder because it’s only a few minutes til midnight now. And, like, I’m not surprised Juliet’s response to realizing this is a set-up is “fuck you.”

Juliet starts fighting Justin for control of the boat, and unsurprisingly they slam into a rock and Juliet falls into the water, which Hoh has described as “boiling.” Um, you sure you don’t want to rethink that word choice, Hoh? Because I know it’s unseasonably warm in this story, but surely not enough to make the lake boil.

Juliet’s drowning, but Justin is worried because it’s Megan’s body drowning regardless of who’s occupying it, so he dives in to save her. This gives Juliet hope, because she doesn’t know that Justin is a terrible swimmer. Megan screams this at her, feels Juliet’s resolve begin to weaken, then starts repeating “I am Megan and I want to be me again” over and over as the clock begins to chime midnight.

Juliet lets out a wail that was probably heard ’round the world, and Megan reclaims her body. And then has to rescue Justin, because again, terrible swimmer. They get back in the boat, wrap themselves in blankets, and head back to shore. Because somehow this damaged boat is still driveable. Cool.

Nostalgia Glasses Off

Obviously I had some issues with the bad continuity and lapses in logic. But the thing is, I loved the fuck out of this book when I was younger, and I still enjoy it today.

It would have been a hundred times better if Hilary had been the protagonist, though.

  The most oblivious protagonist in Point Horror history agrees to allow a ghost to take over her body for a week. Nothing could go wrong, right? I recapped The Accident by Diane Hoh! Title: The Accident Author: Diane Hoh Published: April 1991 Tagline: She has returned. From the dead.