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percywinchester27 · 4 years ago

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A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-24)

Word count: 3.5K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Feels, angst, the usual

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: Thank you for all the love, guys <3

The story employs two different timelines. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Please let me know what you guys think :)

Beta: @deanssweetheart23. I love you <3

A lot like ‘Us’ masterlist

You stumbled on to the sofa in a bit of a daze, drawing the rug over you to keep the chill at bay. Your mind was screaming out in a dissonance of voices, all telling you different things at the same time, pushing you to go back to him, to ask him why didn’t he rid himself of a relationship that must have brought him nothing but hurt and pain? Why had he dragged this marriage all by himself for so long?

It was clear as day now- there was no other girl in Sam’s life. Only you. For all your incessant speculation, it had only ever been you.

“Y/N, you okay?”

Meg was next to you, her hand on your arm. “What happened?”

“I’m still married to him,” you whispered. “I’m still married to Sam. Meg-” you turned to her- “I thought he would’ve annulled the marriage. He had no reason to be bound to it. I left him high and dry. It’s the first thing he should’ve done- free himself… but… I saw his wedding ring. I can’t believe…”

Meg got up and walked to the fridge. You watched as she pulled out two beer bottles, opened them with her teeth and handed you one. She took a seat next to you, swinging her arm around your shoulder.

Slowly, you brought the bottle to your lips and took a swig. The cold bitterness of the beer was strangely comforting next to the warmth of your friend’s body. Meg didn’t utter a word. She drank from her own bottle, not easing the grip on your shoulder.

It was going to be a whole new challenge to face Sam now. Up until today you were simply happy that in Sam’s friendship, you were getting back crumbs of what you used to have. To know that he was still very much yours and yet not yours at all was very very painful. Wouldn’t you want to fling yourself at him the next time you saw him?

You wanted to ask Sam why he hadn’t severed the ties legally, but you didn’t think you had it in you. What would you say? So hey, Sam… remember when you loved me so much, but I left you anyway? Yeah, so why are we still married?

He’d kept his every promise, been faithful to you all along. You realised with a shock that you and Sam had been looking at the whole situation from two completely different angles. When you’d seen him in the lecture hall, a part of your past- one which you’d tried to bury very deep had resurfaced again. For him, he’d stepped into a generic lecture and found his wife staring down at him. It explained so much- Why he’d never been as lost to himself as you had been to yourself. You had resented his ability to smile, to be himself while you’d been a wreck all these years. Only now did you understand that the reason he had held on to himself was because he had never let go of you.

Silent tears rolled down cheeks as anger and disgust for yourself weighed you down.

“It’ll be alright,” Meg said in a low voice.

You took another swig, wondering if Sam will ever stop surprising you and knowing once again that you never deserved him.

*********************

“Bad night?” Madison was sympathetic.

You answered honestly, “It was my doing, I had it coming.”

“We’re almost to the end. You can sleep the exhaustion off.”

The two of you were sitting in the front row, waiting to be called up on the stage for the vote of thanks. It was relieving that the Induction fair had come to an end without any incidence- everything had gone as smoothly as you had planned and a lot of the alumni had come up to you to congratulate you for planning and managing it so well. You even had a couple of contact cards tucked in the pocket of your jacket, asking you to give them a call for the summer internship.

Madison was really impressed that you had offers. Summer internships were rare for first years, especially so without recommendations. She was sad for herself that Acton Griswold never broke the first year rule. You encouraged her to use her dad’s influence if it helped. It wasn’t like she would be taking someone else's place. She would only be creating one for herself. To be a good lawyer, one had to be pragmatic, you understood that very well and didn’t judge Madison for wanting to use all the resources at her disposal.

When it was time for the vote of thanks, you made it a point to thank all the speakers and hosts and then your team- each of the members individually for having your back. There had been some wonderful lectures and discussions. You might have been biased, but Sam’s had been the best- it was hopeful and inspiring. He’d looked great on the stage.

Afterwards, the committee had arranged a small lunch for the alumni still left, in one of the campus eateries. There was expensive alcohol and enticing music. A lot of people made their way to the center of the room and began dancing again, trying to revive the mood from last night. On your part, you were simply trying to avoid Sam. You could sense that he was trying to catch your eyes- probably to ask you why you had left so suddenly last evening. Luckily, he was a popular target and people kept going up to him to strike conversations.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, then another at your waist, making you jump back a step.

“Hey, it’s me!” Brad said with his usual arrogant grin.

“What’re you doing?”

“You promised me a dance, remember?”

You wanted to slap yourself for agreeing to it. “I didn’t promise anything.”

“Aw, don’t be like that,” he smirked. “You said one dance. Yesterday your guy didn’t leave you for a second and then you disappeared. At least, let me have one dance now?”

You knew from experience that he wouldn’t budge, so as annoying as it was, you put your hand on his shoulder- not to draw yourself closer to him, but to maintain a firm distance. If you were going to dance, it would be at your terms.

“Gee, I’m feeling very lucky today!”

“I can’t even dance.”

“That’s fine.” There it was again, the overconfidence. “Hey, listen. Me and the guys and some people from class are having a pool party this weekend. I’ll see you there, right?”

“I can’t. I’ll be working this weekend.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know you aren’t working. I checked the schedule at the library. So don’t even try to wiggle out of this one.”

“I don’t know why you won’t give up, Brad,” you sighed as you moved from side to side.

“Because I know one day you’ll say yes. No one’s ever said no to me… except you.”

“So this is about your ego?”

He snorted. “It’s because I really like you. At least, give it a shot. What’s stopping you?”

The fact that I don’t like you. At all. And oh, apparently, I’m married.

“I’m not interested in dating anyone,” you told him flatly.

Something in his eyes changed, they became darker, his jaw tensed. “Let me change your mind.” His hand pressed against the small of your back, bunching up in the fabric of your dress. The fingers resting against your shoulders dug into the skin. He leaned in quickly- before you could react- far too quickly.

Just as you braced yourself to push him away, another hand landed on your shoulder, right above Brad’s, yanking his fingers away none too gently.

“Y/N!” A cheerful voice exclaimed, pulling you right from Brad’s arms into his own.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” said Chase Lincoln, with the sort of jovial outrage that comes only after years and years of friendship. “How dare you evade me like this, you frivolous wench!”

You were absolutely baffled; next to you, so was Brad.

Chase turned to give him a dismissive look. “I’m sorry, mate,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “I have some business to settle with this girl, here. If you’ll excuse us.”

Without waiting for Brad to react, Chase whirled you away, single handedly managing to keep the both of you upright.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean,” you stuttered, as he spun you. His hands were light on your waist and in your hand- very respectable.

“Don’t say sorry,” he grinned. “I thought you were in a bit of a tight spot over there.”

“I was,” you breathed, still trying to keep up with his pace of dancing. You wanted to thank him for saving you from that, at the same time you didn't want to utter the words because you barely knew the man.

“Look-”

“Don’t thank me,” he cut you off. “It was the decent thing to do. Besides, my friend over there would have snapped a tendon or two, if I hadn’t.”

Chase jerked his head in the direction and you followed with your gaze to see Sam standing ramrod straight, hands balled into fists, jaw clenched. Even from this far away you could see he was coiled like a tight wire about to snap.

“He couldn’t intercede,” Chase said in a low voice. “And I couldn’t help but. Then there’s also the matter that I’ve been dying to get in a word with the lovely Mrs. Winchester. It’s not like Sam can come break us up either.”

Mrs. Winchester. The name resonated in your ears. If you hadn’t had all of the last miserable night to accept that fact, your legs might have just given out now.”

Chase laughed all of a sudden, the sound apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. You can ask me to get the hell lost and that would be that.”

“I don’t know what you want.”

At least, Chase wasn’t hurling abuses at her for ditching Sam.

“It’s nothing to do with Sam, actually,” he said. You noticed for the first time just how sharp his green eyes were. They gave you the feeling of being Xrayed. Not many people must be able to lie to him. “I have an offer for you.”

“An offer?”

“Yep. How would you like to come and work at Acton Griswold? It’s a great place to work in.”

You stared at him. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Wouldn’t dare.”

“I know Acton Gris doesn’t take first year interns.” Not even with recommendations.

Chase grinned. “Who’s talking about internships? Hell, no. You’ll be left with photo-copying and standing in café lines all day. I’m talking about actual work. I had the chance to go through your CV for the committee selection. Come work there as a part-time paralegal.”

“I wouldn’t fit in,” you mumbled. Chase’s words did not make any sense. You had no backing, neither were you naïve. You knew jobs like that had hundreds and hundreds of applications every week.

His eyes twinkled. “Trust me, you would. I could recommend you. I’m sure after more than two years of working there, I have enough pull.”

“Please, don’t.” Despite having asked Madison to use all the pull, you couldn’t bear the idea of someone doing it for you.

“Look, Sam told me that you helped him out with James’s case. I feel terrible about being swamped that day and not being there for him. Even his assistant, Stacey was on a leave. You saved that poor kid from jail.”

You hadn’t really done anything, and you told Chase that. His answering smile looked peaceful, like you had cleared some unknown test.

“Will you, at least, apply? I swear I won’t do anything to further your application. If you get in, it’ll be all you.” He hesitated before adding. “I won’t tell Sam if you don’t want me to.”

“Oh, no… it’s nothing like that. I don’t want to keep anything from him.” Not anymore.

Chase smiled. “Don’t worry, he’s too high up to be involved with the paralegals anyway. Word around the block is, they’re considering him for senior partner. He’d be the youngest in their history.”

You dropped your hands from around his shoulder, clapping them. “My God, that’s wonderful!” The grin spreading on your lips threatened to split your face. “I can’t think of anyone who would deserve it more.”

“That makes two of us.” Chase let go of you completely. “I’m glad he has someone who would be happy about his successes.”

That wiped the grin off of your face completely.

“He’s not the sort of guy who leaves people behind. When he left Johnson’s, he didn’t ditch Stacey, he brought her along… and me. I don’t think he has the ability to move on.”

The words felt heavy in the air between the two of you, and with Chase’s eyes boring into yours it was impossible to look away. He was imploring you to believe him.

He gave you his patented grin, one that said he was up to no good. “And unlike your college here, Acton Gris has no policy against fraternizing. I’ll see you around, Y/N!” Chase nodded and backed away, leaving you standing there wondering what the hell had just happened.

*********************

Sam hurriedly cleared his desk, in an effort to get out soon. Sundays were strictly reserved for Max… It’s a rule he didn’t break, Induction fairs notwithstanding. Those were mandatory for him as a faculty member.

So much for him dreading the Induction fair because it would be boring. Sam should have known nothing with Y/N could be even remotely disinteresting. In the past weekend, he’d oscillated from the nervousness of a teenager to a piercing hope. Today, he’d almost had a coronary.

Sam knew it was wrong. God, he knew it was wrong to want to punch a guy- especially a student! But he’d been touching Y/N… when she didn’t want to be touched. Sam could have sworn, that guy had leaned in with the intention of kissing her. He was almost sure. God bless Chase’s soul for jumping in when he did.

Chase had drawn her in his arms gently, and then turned to throw Sam a wink. Chase was the best wingman when he wanted to be one.

Then there was the new anxiety of having Chase with her. Y/N- she wasn’t like other people. She felt things too deeply and Chase didn’t know that. What if he said anything that unconsciously hurt her… or accidentally mentioned Max or something from Sam’s past? As it is the way she’d left yesterday had Sam on edge.

Abruptly Y/N grinned and Chased bowed just a bit. Sam’s whole body relaxed.

He turned around and headed back to his office in the Law building. Standing there, watching Y/N was only drawing him thin. There were still a few papers he needed to grade and then get back to Max as soon as possible.

Not for the first time, Sam was grateful for Max. In all this mess, his kid kept him tethered. Sam would have gone off the orbit and done something stupid regarding Y/N. But one thought of Max and he was grounded back to reality. Max was his first priority… not that the kid was making it any easy for him lately.

Sam had seen him looking at Y/N’s photo again last night. The picture, one of her standing by the balcony, was taken a few days after her first acceptance. She was smiling down at Dean who was mowing the lawn and Sam had clicked the moment unbeknownst to her. She looked gorgeous. Sam couldn’t bear to see it everyday, so the picture had remained in the first drawer of his bedside table. In his moments of weakness, he could hold on to it and remind himself, something that pure had been his once.

A flimsy material caught Sam’s attention as he shut his desk drawer. Y/N’s scarf from last night. He hadn’t taken it home with him, choosing to leave it.

Maybe he could drop it at her place on his way home. That would be an innocent reason, right? He could ask her what was up with her yesterday. Y/N had been miffed at Sam for not seeing her in the library often. That meant not meeting him must be a bad thing for her. Sam was more excited about the prospect of returning her scarf than he was about most things in his life.

The door to Sam’s office sprang open, making him look up in surprise.

Y/N’s roommate, Meg, was standing at the door, her face a mask of contempt.

“Meg,” he said, surprised.

“Didn’t expect me, did you?”

Her hostile sneer would have tipped him off, had Sam not been riding the high if getting to see Y/N.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t,” he said. “Please, take a seat.”

“Cut out your bullshit, Winchester,” she spat, coming up to him. “What do you think you’re doing making Y/N’s life miserable like that?”

Sam couldn’t understand. “What… what do you mean?”

“Don’t,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare act like you don’t know anything. Every time she meets you, Y/N’s a wreck. When she found out you were the one who got her home that night… she was besides herself. I’ve never seen her so terrified or more out of her element. And I don’t know what the fuck you did to her last night, but she couldn’t stop crying.”

Meg took another step forward. “You think it’s so cool dragging her along with you like this? Why don’t you set her free? Or are you that much of a sadist to see her suffer day in and day out?”

“Suffer?” He repeated dully.

“When I first saw her, Y/N looked dead,” Meg said, fury in each word. “Her eyes were sunken and her cheeks were hollowed. When she laughed for the first time, it sounded hysterical, like she’d forgotten how to do it. Hell, her skin stretched over her bones even when she smiled. I’ve seen her struggle day after day trying to get a hold on herself, learn how to be happy again… and if you mess that up, Winchester, I swear I’ll smash your face in.”

Sam knew he should say something back, anything, but the picture that Meg had painted was too painful… a hollow Y/N, the one that had left him in the hospital. If she’d been the same when she moved in with Meg, how many years had she suffered at the stake of such mind numbing agony? And yet, he had seen life behind her eyes… he’d seen her happy, smiling…

“I don’t know what you did to her all those years ago,” she continued, her voice like ice. “Y/N wouldn’t say, but I know it was enough to kill a part of her. And I know somehow it was your fault.”

“Did she say that? Did Y/N say it was because of me?”

“No!” She spat, frustrated. “I don’t know why she can’t see what you’re doing to her. I can. You’re a slow seeping poison. Just leave her alone. Y/N was happy before you decided to come back and wreck her life again. Set her free.”

Something was choking Sam’s breath, words just wouldn’t come out. Was he keeping her from happiness? Was that why she had fled last night?

Meg jabbed a finger in his direction. “Remember.”

She turned on her heel and was almost out of the door when Sam managed to croak, “Meg-”

Meg looked over her shoulder.

With numb legs Sam made his way to her. “Take this with you,” he said, handing her the scarf with shaking hands. “It’s Y/N’s. She gave it to me yesterday. It would be best if you give it back to her.”

Meg snatched the scarf from him and then with one last look of derision, stormed out.

All Sam could do was fall in his chair, hands raking through his hair. What had he been thinking? What had been playing at? As if there was any chance in the world that he wouldn’t remind Y/N of what she had lost. Of course she was hurting and it was his damn fault, because he thought they could be friends again, because he hoped it could ever lead to anything more.

And there was always Max to think of. Right in front of his eyes the flimsy dream he had brought to life collapsed in a heap of shattered glass. Maybe in a parallel reality somewhere, Y/N would be in his life, Max would be their son and everything would be perfect. This was not that world. Here, Sam was sentenced to live out his life by himself and he’d be damned if let Y/N get hurt because of him again.

*********************

A/N 2: Okay... I’m sorry? *hides face* At least the reader has a playdate with Max!

Thank you for all the reblogs and comments! You guys are AWESOME! I LOVE you <3

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maxineswritingcenter · 4 years ago

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Bray Road - Fox Mulder x nonbinary!reader part 2

Agents Mulder and (Y/N) investigate mysterious killing on a forgotten road in rural Wisconsin. A connection to a case in the past brings the investigation to a whole new level.

—

The agents decided split up. Mulder went to go speak with the surviving victim and (Y/N) went to the coroner’s office so that they could look over the victims so they could get an idea of what could have done this.

Mulder entered the ICU where the boy was being held. Jason Mulligan, age twenty-two. He was a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. After getting directions from the nurse, he knocked on the door and made his way inside. Laying on the hospital bed, the boy looked like he’d been through the ringer. Any skin visible was covered in bandages, even his head apart from his right eye and mouth was covered. At his bedside was a woman he assumed was his mother.

“Pardon my intrusion, I’m special agent Fox Mulder with the Federal Bureau of Investigation.” He flashed his badge.

“This was an animal attack though.” Mrs. Mulligan said.

“We were called in, it’s just procedure. I just came to ask Jason a couple questions if he’s up to it.” Mulder said, looking at the boy in the bed.

Jason sat up a bit, “I can answer questions.” He spoke in a hushed voice.

“I appreciate that, young man. Now how did you find yourself out on Bray Road yesterday evening.”

“A couple of my friends from school said they saw the beast. We wanted to find it, take pictures and I don’t know… get some money for it? I don’t believe in this type of stuff but-…” He paused, his hands tightening into fists.

“But now you do?” Mulder asked.

“Look, I’ve seen bears and wolves. That thing wasn’t either of those. That thing wouldn’t let us leave the road. It circled us. Picked us off one by one. I got thrown into a ditch and played dead. I stayed there and passed out. I woke up in the hospital.” He recalled the night before.

“The officers said that you were saying a word when you were found. Repeating it actually. You were saying “field” over and over again.”

“I mean, we were right by a field. That’s the only thing I could think of.”

Mulder’s cell phone began ringing in his pocket. He handed Mrs. Mulligan his business card, “Call us if he remember anything else.” He made his way back into the hallway and answered his phone.

“Mulder.”

—–

(Y/N) arrived at the coroner��s office and was led back to the autopsy facility. Dr. Andrea Sherman was the doctor beginning the procedure. Dr. Sherman got scrubbed in and began speaking.

“We’ve pieced together about five bodies. Or what’s left of them. This is the body that’s mostly intact.” She motioned to the body on the table covered in a blue sheet. Dr. Sherman pulled the top of it away revealing the head and torso of Zeke Bruins according to the tag on his toe. His left arm was torn to shreds by the creature’s claws. His right arm, seemingly torn off. The doctor began her physical examination of the body.

“I think this is pretty open and shut.” Dr. Sherman began, “We’ve had a few bear sitting recently. These kids were just there at the wrong place and the wrong time. Probably just a mother defending her cubs.”

“But it’s only October, cubs aren’t usually born until January.” (Y/N) said without thinking, like the words just flew from their mouth. The doctor looked up from the corpse and eyed them.

“I suppose.” She squinted through her safety goggles, “By the way, are you from around here? You look really familiar.”

(Y/N) shook their head, “Nope, just have one of those faces.”

“Well anyway, rabid bear, black bear, the rare grizzly, it’s probably nothing-” She stopped mid sentence, “What the…”

“What is it?” (Y/N) asked. Dr. Sherman was staring into the arm socket of the boy, she took a pair of tweezers. With a little effort, she jerked free something that was embedded in the bone. She dropped it in a metal bowl.

“Oh my god.” Dr. Sherman said. (Y/N) looked over her shoulder and their eyes widened. It was a human tooth. Their stomach dropped and their heart leapt into their throat.

“Could you sent the xrays to the field office in Quantico?” The doctor nodded, “Good. I’ll be in touch.” They made their way out the door and called agent Mulder. He picked up in the first few rings.

“Mulder.”

“It’s (Y/L/N). Listen, one of the victims had a tooth embedded in his shoulder blade.”

“A bear tooth?” He asked.

“No, a human tooth. But that doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, (Y/L/N) the human jaw is capable of biting off our fingers like a carrot, whose to say it can’t be lodged into your bone?” There was just a hint of humor is his voice.

“It’s impossible. The wounds sustained by the victims can’t be human. The average strength of our jaws are at about one hundred sixty pounds per square inch. The force that it would take to do this damage would have to be over two thousand.”

“I have a hunch. I’m meeting up with a local journalist on the case can you meet me there?”

—-

The address agent Mulder gave them was to a small townhouse closer to downtown. They parked in the driveway behind Mulder’s rental and met him on the porch where he seemed to already be talking with the journalist.

“Speak of the devil,” He smiled, “this is agent (Y/L/N).” (Y/N) met the pair and extended their hand to meet the woman’s.

“Linda Godfrey, a pleasure.” They shook her hand. Linda smiled at them.

“Have we met? I’m getting the strangest sense of deja vu.” She said.

(Y/N) shook their head, “Nope. Sorry.”

“Well, like I was telling your partner, back in 1991, I started working for The Week which is the local paper for the county. We were just getting siting after siting. So I started compiling and unraveling. I’m actually writing a book about it, I’m going to call it: The Beast of Bray Road: Tailing Wisconsin’s Werewolf!”

“So you think the beast is a werewolf?” Mulder asked, looking somewhat pleased.

“Well, I don’t know what else it would be. From the descriptions given that could be the only possibility. I even have the testimonies of the only survivor from the attack in the seventies.” Linda said excitedly.

“The survivor was a little kid, it was dark and they were scared. I don’t believe any testimony they give would be accurate. It’s the power of suggestion, this child lives in a town that makes its revenue from a cryptid like mothman or the Jersey devil.” (Y/N) rationalized.

“Even if that were true, Agent (Y/L/N), it’s all we have to go on. The child was placed with family in another state.” Linda said, “Now, if you would like, I could get you a copy of my research and all the evidence I have. You just have to promise to not let a single soul see it.”

“Cross our hearts.” Mulder made a crossing motion with his finger over the left side of his jacket coat.

“Well, come on in.” The agents followed Ms. Godfrey into her home. There were met by endless imagery of wolves and bears on almost every wall, figurines on the coffee table.

“I’ll be right back.” She said, leaving them in the living room.

“I never told you her name.” Mulder said, bending down to look at a figurine of a bear fishing.

“Huh?” They said, mind taken away from the portrait of a wolf howling at the moon.

“When I called you over here I never told you what the journalist’s name was. But you recalled it like it was someone you knew.” His green eyes seemed to look into their soul and to the core of their subconscious. They avoided eye contact, chewing on the inside of their lip.

“Look, Agent (Y/L/N), if you want me to trust you then you need to tell me what’s really going on here.” He said. They stood in silence for what seemed like forever. That is until Linda Godfrey came back with a stand of files.

“Here we are!”

Back at the hotel, Mulder had been in his room reading through the files that he had been gifted. Every first hand account of the creature. When he got to the killings in seventy-four he stopped. The name of the child from the case had the same first name as his partner, nothing strange about that. A coincidence more than anything. But that made him think. If he could find this person, who would be around his age at this point, maybe he could convince them to undergo regression hypnosis. He placed a call to the bureau to try and get the adoption records and went next door to share the findings.

A knock at the door pulled (Y/N) out of their thoughts. They hadn’t even realized the tears that were trailing done their face until then.

“Come in!” They called. The door opened and Mulder appeared in the doorway. He came inside, shutting the door behind him.

“I was looking through the records and I think the kid from the accident is our best bet of finding this thing. I got in contact with the bureau and they’re uncovering the adoption records.

“That won’t be necessary.” They said, finally meeting his eyes.

“And why’s that?” He asked. After taking a good look at them, he sat besides them on the bed, “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not.” They paused, choking on back sobs. They cleared their throat and laughed a little.

“Mulder, it’s me. I was the child in the car.”

—–

Yay! Part 2! I’m really happy with how this is coming our so far. Thank you for reading!

Part 3 here!

Also just in case anyone is interested: Linda Godfrey is a real person who actually wrote a book about the Beast of Bray road. I only dramatized her for the sake of the story.

Shoot me a message if you like to be added to the tag!

Bray Road tag:

@theres-a-dog-outside-omg

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 2 years ago

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93 of 2022

ABC food survey

A is for Apple: What’s your favorite variety?

I don’t like apples.

B is for Bread: Regardless of nutrition, what is your favorite type?

I don’t have a preference. White or brown, they’re all good. Belgian bread is the best.

C is for Cereal: What is your favorite kind currently? (just one!)

Cheerios.

D is for Donuts: You might not currently eat them, but what kind do you fancy?

None. I don’t like sweet things.

E is for Eggs: How would you like yours prepared?

Hard-boiled or scrambled.

F is for Fat Free: What is your favorite fat free product?

Sorry to say it, but all fat-free products have a bland taste.

G is for Groceries: Where do you purchase yours?

Mostly in Lidl, sometimes in Colruyt or Delhaize, rarely in Carrefour.

H: is for Hot Beverages: What is your favorite hot drink?

Coffee with milk.

I is for Ice Cream: Pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.

Who needs toppings, they ruin the whole taste. I’d go with cookies, though.

J is for Jams or Jellies: Do you eat them? If so, what kind and flavor?

No, I don’t. I only like wine gums, such as Haribo.

K is for Kashi: Name your favorite Kashi product?

I don’t even know what the fuck is Kashi. Certainly we don’t have it in Europe, whatever it actually is.

L is for Lunch: What was yours today?

Some bread and some tuna, but I don’t like tuna, it tastes like cardboard.

M is for microwave: favorite thing to microwave?

Soups, if they’re still edible the next day.

N is for nutrients: Do you likes carbs, fats, or proteins best?

Proteins.

O is for oil: What kind do you like to use?

Olive oil. Which is strange because I hate olives.

P is for protein: How do you get yours?

Drinking milk and eating dairy.

Q is for Quaker: How do you like your oats?

Cooked in whole milk.

R is for roasting: What is your favorite thing to roast?

I rarely roast things. Veggies maybe?

S is for sandwich: What’s your favorite kind?

Lettuce and cheese, but I rarely eat sandwiches at all.

T is for travel: How do you handle eating while traveling?

I don’t eat. It’s simple.

U is for unique: What is one of your weirdest food combos?

I can’t think of anything, it’s all normal for me.

V is for vitamins: What kind do you take?

I don’t understand people who take artificial supplements when they don’t have serious medical reasons to do so. This is not candies.

W is for wasabi: Yay or nay?

Yay. The more spicy, the better.

X is XRAY: If we xrayed your belly right now, what food would we see?

Kapsalon.

Y is for youth: What food reminds you of your childhood?

Homemade puddings and oatmeal my dad used to cook for me and my sister.

Z is for zucchini: How do you prepare it?

I don’t bother, there are tons of better veggies.

#survey #themed survey #q&a survey

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greggreaen · 7 years ago

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Sesamoid Injury Recovery Update October 2017

Read and watch this Sesamoid Injury Recovery Update and get helpful Suggestions for Healing Your Foot, your fitness, and yourself.

Did this video HELP you in healing??? Consider donating to the channel to support this work

Hurt Foot Fitness Program

Strong Body Program

Sesamoid playlist

Hurt Foot Workout Videos

Hello Friends,

As you may already know, in July of 2016, I got a serious Sesamoid injury and now I am in the process of healing.

It’s been a long recovery journey and I get questions about my foot every day. I thought this would be a good time to send you an injury report update and how this has positively transformed my business, my fitness, and my life.

As a quick disclaimer: this is my own personal experience and is not medical advice. As always, check with your doctor before making any health changes. I hope this post serves you in having healthy feet and living an active life.

WATCH: Sesamoid Injury Update October 2017

If this post serves you in your healing journey, please consider donating to support this work.

Sesamoid What?!

Many people have never heard of the Sesamoid. I get confused faces more often than not, “What the heck are sesamoids?” they ask. That is one of the most challenging parts about the Sesamoid injury, people just WONT GET IT. It takes forever to heal and the process is slow. Since Sesamoid injures are so rare, I thought it would be helpful to explain it to you.

A sesamoid is a bone embedded in a tendon. In the normal foot, the sesamoids are two jelly bean-sized bones located in the ball of the foot, beneath the big toe joint. The sesamoids act as a pulley for tendons, their primary function is to help raise and lower the big toe with each step (allowing you to push off your foot when you walk, run, dance, or jump). Sesamoid injuries can involve the bones, tendons, and/or surrounding tissue in the joint. They are common with activities requiring increased pressure on the ball of the foot, like running, basketball, football, golf, tennis and ballet. People with high arches or flexible feet are at risk for developing sesamoid problems. High-heeled shoes can also be a contributing factor.

Lucky for me, I did ALL of the above before my injury: running, dancing, jumping, and high heel shoe wearing with high arches and flexible feet. I was a prime candidate for a Sesamoid Injury. I broke the Sesamoid bone and am still healing the tendon.

The Long Story On How I got a Sesamoid Injury

I was a dancer and athlete my entire life. I majored in Dance at UCDavis and taught fitness throughout highschool and college. I was always moving with no serious injuries or anything that sidelined me for longer than a few days. I never had foot pain or foot problems. Then one day, at age 31, I noticed the ball of my foot hurt. I thought it was strange and decided to foam roll my foot on a golf ball to try and work out the kinks (because typically foam rolling the feet always helps!). The next day, I couldn’t walk. The ball of my foot felt hot, painful, and swollen. I had no idea what had happened, but I knew it wasn’t good. I went to the doctor and they told me I had a Sesamoid Injury. The first doctor I saw advised me to wait on getting an xray, they said I had only bruised my Sesamoid. I was put in a boot and told to lay off of my foot. Three months later, I had no progress, so I decided to get an xray. The xray showed an “oncult” fracture in my medial sesamoid. I followed the same steps: lay off the Sesamoid as much as possible. Six months later, a physical therapist told me to start doing barefoot exercises to help with the pain. I followed this plan, thinking it was helping, but it was actually making it worse.

Sad but true, most doctors, fitness professionals, and physical therapists don’t know about Sesamoids, so they mis-treat patients and the cycle of pain continues. I did all the wrong things for the second half of 2016 thinking I was on the right track to healing. It wasn’t until 8 months into the injury I found a doctor that really understood Sesamoid Injuries, Dr. Arlene Hoffman: http://afhoffman.com/. She put me in stiff shoes with a orthotic custom fit for my foot (and with a cut out for my sesamoid). Within weeks, I had made incredible progress. From there, I started working with a Physical Therapist at San Francisco Crossfit, who knew how to help people heal from Sesamoid Injuries, Sean McBride at San Francisco crossfit: http://sanfranciscocrossfit.com/staff/sean-mcbride/ . These two magical people have the knowledge and expertise that has allowed me to make progress in healing.

It depends on what your specific Sesamoid injury is, but often treatment includes:

Offloading the bone to get it to heal (6-8 weeks)

Wearing custom orthotics and stiff shoes. Avoiding any positions that aggravate the big toe tendon (being barefoot, high heels, calf raises, planks, jumping, bending the big toe back/ bending the foot).

Gradually re-loading the big toe tendon to get it to absorb force and movement (1-4 years) . Taking it slowly and adding back in movements (like lunges) in moderation to build the big toe tendon to adapt.

If you do all the right things (and listen to your body!!), the threshold for what you can do with the toe and tendon builds as you continue to heal. You are able to become more active with minimal pain. Your foot gets sore sometimes when you adapt to new movements or add back in more activity. Just like a muscle learning to be used again. So you learn to balance building back up strength and giving the foot rest to recover and adapt. I carefully schedule each week to make sure to moderate my activity to make progress. If I know I have a day where I will be on my feet a lot, I schedule the days before and after to rest more or do workouts like swimming to balance everything out. I use my Fitbit to track steps and make sure to

Here’s what I did to stay active while in the process of healing my sesamoid. Again, this is based off my personal experience and NOT medical advice:

Offload completely. Swim (no walls), hurt foot fitness videos, floor barre, hurt foot pilates. I filmed a LOT of content for my Youtubers!

Start to reload the body without bending the foot. Seated spinning (in hard soled cycling cleats), strength training (squats, bulgarian lunges, hip bridges, core work, upper body work – you can use my Hurt Foot Fitness program for ideas on lots of exercises), and pilates mat.

Gradually re-load the foot. Seated spinning, progressive strength training (slowly building back in exercises like planks, pushups, burpees – all only a FEW reps and carefully), crossfit / skill based movement classes, rowing machine, elliptical machine, wallballs, kettlebells, watt bike, pilates mat.

The good news is, bones heal within 6-8 weeks. The hard part is, tendons take a really really long time. Now that the bone is back to normal, giving the tendon the space to heal requires patience, persistence, and heart. The Sesamoid tendon is a funny one – it needs the right kind of movement to feel better. No movement hurts. Too much movement hurts. But the right types of movement in the right doses makes it feel great. My foot loves the rowing machine (I can’t explain this!), the bike, and squats. It loves it when I load my posterior chain (hamstrings, butt, and back!). It hates it when I walk too far or am barefoot (how crazy is that)? But slowly and surely its beginning to adapt to more movements. Every week my threshold to do more grows greater. I have come so far and I can do SO much today, including BURPEES, and it means so much to experience healing.

Blessings From my Sesamoid Injury

I always say, bless your challenges because it’s because of them you discover your strengths. There have been so many blessings that have come out of my Sesamoid Injury. Here are a few of them:

Sesamoid around the world. I have been practically the ONLY Sesamoid injury who has shared my experience on the internet – so now I have connected with Sesamoid folks ALL over the world and used my experience to help them in their healing journey. I’ve gotten emails from people in Sweden, Dubai, South East Asia…. the list goes on. Neat to have this connection with Sesamoid friends all over the globe.

Hurt Foot Fitness Program. I have the largest “Hurt Foot Fitness” community on Youtube and am helping people manage the mental and physical challenges of injury. Lots of injured runners and fit folks doing my videos, if you ever have a friend who needs to move with a foot injury, send them here.

I have taken this physical down time to create MORE products that support my business. I launched Strong Body Beautiful , a 6 week strength and lifestyle program for women. It’s a comprehensive fitness guide that helps teach women HOW to strength train and build a balanced fitness routine. I am really proud of the program, the education, the balanced body (and body positive!) message it’s sending. The women currently in the program have had positive reviews and are experiencing new ways to challenge their bodies, minds, and themselves. Programs like Strong Body Beautiful PREVENT injuries from overtraining, muscular imbalances, or repetitive stress. It’s designed to follow a moderate rate of progression and challenge you in a healthy way so that you see results (not burnout or injuries!). In fact, many of my recovering Hurt Foot Fitness friends on Youtube have enrolled in the program and have been using it to build back their strength and body balance. Now I can help Hurt Foot Fitness people safely transition out of injury towards having a BALANCED body and fitness routine. When you are ready to join us in living a strong life, enroll here.

I’ve been hosting more corporate wellness events and working to support company health initiatives. Getting sick from stress should not be an expected side effect life and I work with companies to prevent burnout, improve performance, and allow employees to thrive.

I discovered the JOY and power of Crossfit. I actually fell into crossfit by accident. My physical therapist Sean works out of a crossfit gym and teaches a crossfit class. One day I showed up for our PT appointment at the wrong time and he invited me to take his class instead. I was scared that it would hurt my Sesamoid, but I was able to complete the class with modifications and felt amazing afterwards. From that moment on I was hooked. I am blessed in that I get to train at the best Crossfit facility in the world with Dr. Kelly Starrett. I am able to participate in crossfit classes (with modifications, ie: rowing machine instead of running, watt bike instead of jump rope, etc). What I love about Crossfit is that every workout is different, uniquely challenging, and highly effective. The workouts are completely scalable, which means that a new participant and a veteran can complete the same workout with changes in load and intensity. It’s diverse fitness programming aims to improve your capacity in all ways: cardio-respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, coordination, agility, balance and accuracy. The result is comprehensive physical fitness and restored vitality. You become a well rounded athlete who can move well, perform well, and excel in the world. I now take 1-2 crossfit classes per week and am convinced it is helping me heal my body.

In the best shape of my life. Since letting go of what I call “repetitive stress” cardio, I am in the best physical shape of my life. I haven’t run in almost 2 years and my body actually loves me for it. A fear of weight gain seems to be what holds most people worry about when injured. But as counterintuitive as it may seem, I actually ended up losing weight and leaning out, despite not making any huge changes to my diet. Before I stopped running, I was working out regularly and eating clean, but in spite of my best efforts, I was slowly putting on weight that was not muscle. This is all speculation, but I think what wound up happening was that the physical stress from exercise just ended up being too much for my body, exhausting my adrenal system, screwing with my hormones, and causing my my body to hold on to fat. Not good. When I stopped doing so much cardio for more strength training and REST, my body fat went down, lean muscle mass increased, and my muscles became balanced (I have hamstrings and glutes now…. what?!). This is not to say running is bad, I think running is a great way to stay active and move your body. It’s just to say that for me, the repetitive stress of running was causing my body to go into overtraining mode, hold onto fat, and prevent me from feeling good or seeing results.

The best part about this injury? It has elevated my work to new heights and expanded my coaching skills. I am more committed than ever to provide exceptional work that helps people transform their lives. We all face injuries, illnesses, and challenges – now that I’ve had this experience I am even more skilled at helping people everywhere overcome these inevitable life obstacles and finding ways to be active, positive, and live to be their best.

These are all positive life and career changes. They have served in my personal growth and in my purpose of helping people everywhere stay positive and active no matter what challenges they face.

What does this mean for my business goals moving forward? I am here to be a healer, a coach, a teacher, and a light. I am committed to my role as a coach and am here to be great and do my best for you and our world. I can’t jump around like a bunny rabbit or wear high heels yet…. But I am passionate, driven, filled with purpose, and more ready than ever to this work. I believe in my work and I am here to help people transform their lives.

Long story and I sincerely appreciate you reading. I felt it important to write this to you. For you to know that I am committed to to you and to our work together. Thank you for letting me share my story. Please feel free to ask me any questions or let me know your needs in the comments below. I am grateful for all of you and looking forward to sharing an incredible wellness event or BURPEE with you soon.

Love and steps,

Caroline

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