#so i married an axe murderer imagine

[firinnie]

Cassandra deserved better

So I'm currently obsessed with reading about Troy, and oh my gods. Cassanda, my beloved. Let's talk about her.

She had a twin named Helenus whonis one of the few children of Priam and Hecuba who survived Troy and after.

We have a version in which she and her brother were licked on their ears by a snake in the temple of Apollo (em.. yeah) and that's why they got a gift of prophecy from him.

BUT I prefer the more common version, Apollo fell in love with beautiful Cassandra and she promised to give herself to him but when he gave only her this gift, Cassandra refused love for the god. Because of this Apollo cursed her, from that day on no one believed her words.

In this version she was teaching her twin how to see and others generally believed his predictions… and they could have used it much better than they did lol. Like "Hey brother, tell them to set fire to that big wooden horse" or something.

Because of Apollo's curse she was considered mad to the point that insults were thrown at her and in some versions Priam ordered her to be locked up.

Cassandra was the first one to see the body of her brother Hector being brought back to Troy. She obviously predicted his death.

Likewise, she knew that "Paris" who "was the son of a shepherd" was actually her missing brother Alexander.

Generally, he has his own story BUT their mother had a dream that he would bring destruction to them all so they decided to get rid of him right after birth… and then Priam and Hecuba accepted him with open arms. Of course they did.

Apart from the fact that Cassandra defied Apollo and ripped the veil from Helen's head (because she knew that this girl would bring destruction), she threw herself at the Trojan Horse with a torch and an axe 'cause no one believed that there were soldiers inside. Unfortunately, she was stopped. Boo!

The horrible thing is that she knew exactly what fate awaited her too.

She was raped by Ajax the Lesser, in the temple of Athena, which, to put it mildly, did not please the goddess.

But more heartbreaking thing about this scene is that she had a suitor with whom she was probably supposed to be married. His name was Coroebus and during the attack on Troy he put on the armor of his enemies to blend in with the crowd and attack them. But when he saw that Cassandra was being hurt, he abandoned it and wanted to save her from Ajax but was killed, probably by Peneleos, Diomedes or Neoptolemus.

So after brutally losing her virginity and seeing the life of person she may have loved, she was taken away by Agamemnon. Cassandra them became his pallake (concubine) against her will of course. From the forced pregnancy she gave birth to twins, Teledamus and Pelops.

She predicted that if they returned to Mycenae they would be murdered but of course Agamemnon didn't listen.

His wife Clytemnestra (absolutely rightly) was furious with him and murdered guy on the spot. In a fit of rage she also murdered Cassandra, and Aegisthus, Clytemnestra's lover, killed both of baby boys. Technically we don't know if Cassandra saw her children die with her own eyes (or what feelings she had for them) but she certainly saw it in a vision. Can you imagine that?

In my opinion she is one of the most tragic figures of Troy, another victim of the gods too.

I also found information that she left a special chest with a mask of Dionysus face in it, Eurypylus got it as his share of the treasures from Troy and when he opened it he went crazy. Good job Cassandra.

[sexisbetteronthemoon]

i NEED more older lance x younger keith from u plzzzzz u write it so well

thanks, man. i don't have anything to share at the moment, so pls just imagine college dropout Keith (who lives with his brother and Adam) getting a new neighbor and it turns out to be Lance who needed a more accessible home for his adopted kid who uses a wheelchair. (3.8k)

Keith sees Lance and his milf radar goes off with a vengeance.

Shiro and Adam force Keith to come with them to greet their new neighbor. Keith doesn't want to go and he refuses to change out of his old sweats. then Lance opens the door and Keith regrets every decision he has ever made in his life.

Shiro: if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate!

Adam: and if you need your yard cut, you can go ahead and borrow Keith. it's not like he has anything else to do.

Keith, under his breath: don't just volunteer me without even consulting me —

Lance: oh that would be great, actually!

Keith: i will do whatever you want forever.

Lance: do you know how to put up a swing set? or an IKEA bookshelf?

Keith: absolutely.

Keith: it comes with instructions, right?

Keith turns out to be very good at putting together impossible contraptions. he also catches Lance's eye as he mows the lawn shirtless. (by the end of it, he's covered in grass clippings and dirt, but this is actually a plus bc he's able to wash off under the hose with Lance none-too-subtly watching from the window.)

soon enough, Lance is asking him to emergency babysit and Keith finds himself absolutely enthralled with Lance's sweet child.

and Keith's brain switches from “I need to fuck that milf” to “I need to marry that milf and be a dad to this kid”.

things are going well, Keith thinks.

Lance trusts him and smiles when Keith flirts with him. he even almost flirts back. Keith's got this. he's thinking of making a real move. something to push their relationship forward. some way to make Lance see him as a man worthy of his attention.

then Lance asks him to babysit bc he has a date.

Keith is heartbroken, but he accepts bc Lance asked him right in front of his kid and the kid is so excited to hang out with Keith. and it's not the kid's fault that Lance is throwing all their progress to the garbage.

so he stays. and after the kid is asleep, Keith paces the living room in front of the windows, waiting for Lance to come home.

as soon as the car pulls up, Keith waits until he's sure Lance is on the doorstep, and then he opens the door, pretending very badly that he's surprised to see him there.

“i thought i heard something,” Keith lies. badly. and he stays at the door, waiting for Lance to come in.

Lance says a cordial goodnight to his date and nudges Keith inside the house. once the door is closed, Lance crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow.

“what?” Keith says, not quite meeting his eye. “i didn't mean to interrupt your date.”

he's full of it.

“i saw you pacing through the windows,” Lance says.

Keith sheepishly rubs the back of his head.

“i was just worried,” Keith says.  “what if he was an ax murderer waiting to kill you at the end of the date?”

“my hero,” Lance sardonically replies.

“you never know!” Keith says, defensive.

Lance rolls his eyes.

“right, well, it's late,” he says. “you can head on home.”

Keith frowns and turns to the door. but then he stops and turns back.

“are you going to see him again?” he asks.

“that's really not your concern, but yes,” Lance replies. “getting to know someone takes time, and i think i'd like to.”

Keith is quiet.

then he says, “why him?”

Lance doesn't say anything for a minute, too surprised to properly process the question. then he says, “why not? that's what dating is for. it helps you figure out who's right for you, and i would like to find that person for me.”

“you never even mentioned you were looking,” Keith says.  “you just showed up with plans all made — you didn't even warn me.”

“i didn't realize i needed your permission,” Lance says, eyes narrowed and shoulders tight, and Keith backtracks immediately.

“no that's not what i meant —”

“then what did you mean, Keith?” Lance asks testily.

and Keith bites his tongue for all of three seconds before he realizes that if he doesn't do something, he may very well lose whatever chance he had with Lance.

and Keith isn't good at words. so he doesn't attempt them. he merely takes one long stride forward, slips the fingers of one hand into Lance's hair, the other hand around Lance's waist, and tugs Lance into a firm kiss.

at first, Lance is stunned. then he's swooning, kissing back and holding on for dear life. but then it hits him that his much younger neighbor is kissing him.

and he abruptly pulls away, eyes wide, hand covering his buzzing lips.

“what are you doing!” Lance cries.

“kissing you?” Keith answers with a little confusion. “i thought that was obvious.”

“no,” Lance says. “no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. this isn't happening.” and his panic turns into denial.  “look, i know we play that little game where you flirt and i giggle about it, but that's not real!” he laughs nervously. “you're just indulging an old man. it's just for fun! you don't actually like me, you're just a little confused!”

Keith is incredibly annoyed and more than a little hurt.

“confused?” he bites out. “i've been flirting with you because i mean it! i've wanted you since i first saw you! i thought — well, i thought you got it. i've seen you checking me out, and i figured that maybe you were just too shy to be open about it. or that you weren't sure about your feelings and needed time. i figured i'd take it slow and wait until you were ready to catch up.”

Keith laughs suddenly.

“but i was never even in the running, right?” he says caustically. “you were just enjoying having me follow you around like a puppy dog. you never took me seriously. it was just a game  to you, and i was just too stupid and pathetically in love with you to see that.”

Lance is reeling, knees weak and heart racing. Keith is in love with him.

how did he miss it?

or had he known and simply been ignoring it all along?

because there are moments when Keith looks at him a certain way, heartbreakingly soft, where Lance takes pause and thinks, surely not.

is Keith right? has he been ignoring it all along? has he been enjoying the attention and keeping Keith at arm's length on purpose?

is he really that cruel?

“Keith,” Lance says, and then falters. he doesn't know what to say.

“kid's asleep,” Keith says, gruff. his expression has shut down, his feelings bottled up. he's almost scowling. “everything was fine tonight. i'm off.”

Keith grabs his hoodie off the coat rack and stuffs it under an arm.

“do me a favor,” Keith says into the silence. he opens the door. “find someone else to babysit for your next date.”

“wait,” Lance says, but Keith steps out and closes the door behind himself. he doesn't even look back.

frowning, Lance opens the door and steps out after him.

“this isn't how you handle an adult conversation!” Lance calls after him as Keith cuts across the lawn and jumps the fence to his own residence. “Keith! if you want me to see you as a man, then act like one!”

but it's Keith's first heartbreak, and he wants to be as far from the fault line as he can get.

Lance is very aware that he's hurt Keith. it's eating him alive, writhing in his stomach like maggots. Keith has become his best friend in the time that they've known each other. he's the one who Lance confides in. he is always attentive, always kind, and he's so good with Lance's kid.

Lance cares about him so much.

he hates the thought of having ruined their friendship. he doesn't want to lose it.

“this is why i —” Lance starts to complain aloud. he means to say it's why he's always held back when Keith flirts with him.

and it hits him.

oh. he has been actively avoiding the elephant in the room. oh no.

and now that the elephant refuses to be ignored, it's happening. he's losing Keith.

his stomach is clenching uncomfortable hard. he feels nauseated and his heart is squeezing unforgivably in his chest.

he goes to check on his kid, and finding them still asleep, he takes up his phone and paces the living room as he fires off a text.

Lance: come back here. we need to talk.

his text goes ignored. and he tries again.

Lance: i can't leave my kid alone. come back.

again, his text goes ignored.

Lance: please. this is a conversation we need to have face to face.

and when he goes ignored for a third time, Lance knows he's going to have to give Keith a reason to come to him. so he takes a deep breath and trembles as he opens up.

Lance: i'm sorry. i freaked out. but not for the reason you think. Keith, you're my best friend and i don't want to lose that. and if we get involved, i'm not the only one who stands to get hurt. i have to think of my kid too. you know well we're a package deal. please come back. i don't want to leave things like this.

he sends it before he regrets it, and then types up another text.

Lance: i don't want to lose you.

he stares at it, hands shaking, and he sends it too.

collapsing onto the couch, Lance breathes out and closes his eyes. he presses the phone to his forehead, waiting for the telltale buzz of an incoming message. but the seconds tick by and a hole opens up in Lance's chest.

maybe he left the screen on.

he opens his eyes and hesitates before he peeks at the screen.

it's off.

he unlocks it just to be sure.

there's no message from Keith.

his lips quiver and he purses them shut.

turning off the screen, he puts his phone down on the coffee table.

what was the use of baring his heart if it was only going to get stomped on?

“stupid,” Lance scolds himself. “you should've just let him go.”

hugging himself, he sinks back into the cushions and sighs, disappointed and hurt.

he's starting to work up into sniffles, eyesight blurring with tears, when there's a crash from his bedroom and a familiar voice cursing.

startled, Lance's heart starts to race even before he's up and running.

he swings into his room, heart in his throat, and there Keith is, collapsed on the ground in front of his window. Lance's decorative vase is in pieces on the floor.

“why are you climbing in through the window?” Lance demands, baffled and so relieved to see him that a note of hysteria enters his voice.

Keith struggles up onto his feet, brushing himself off and gives him a peeved look.

“Shiro's up and saw me coming in,” Keith grumbles, ruffling his hair and shaking off his clothes. “i couldn't leave through the front door, or he'd ask where i was going so late. i had to climb out the window. then Adam started harassing me about dinner. and once i was out, i realized i couldn't come in through the front because Shiro or Adam could see me from the windows.”

he finishes brushing himself off and shoves his hands deeply into his pockets, a little hunched and avoiding Lance's gaze.

“i didn't think you'd want them knowing i was coming over here, so i made an executive decision,” Keith said. he huffed a little. “anyway, i'm here. what did you want to talk about?”

Lance stares at him.

“didn't you read my texts?” he asks, shifting a little on his feet. his cheeks are warm and his heart is palpitating in his chest. he crosses his arms to hide the way his hands are shaking.

“texts, plural?” Keith answers with a little frown. “i only got the first one. it took a while to shake Adam off. and going out the window from the second story isn't exactly easy in the dark.” he pats down his pockets and comes up with nothing.

“i left my phone,” he mutters, and then he cringes. “shit, did you change your mind and not want me to come over after all?”

Lance breathes out, and he stares at Keith helplessly, hopelessly endeared. but at the same time, he wants to groan. of course he has to say all of that face to face.

“i'm surprised you even came over,” Lance admits, and Keith's shoulders hunch.

“i shouldn't have just run off,” he says. “you were right. it was childish.”

Lance takes a breath and sighs it out. he walks over, taking Keith's hand and leading him out of the mess on the floor.

“are you hurt anywhere?” he asks.

Keith tugs his hand away.

“i'm fine,” he answers shortly. he's still defensive and avoiding Lance's gaze. “what did you want to talk about? i thought things were pretty clear. you're not interested. i get it.”

Lance sits on the bed and pats the space beside him. he waits, and though Keith eyes the spot, he doesn't come closer. he stands away from Lance, the hand Lance held clenched at his side, the other still buried in his pocket.

Lance licks his lips and says, “i freaked out, and i'm sorry.”

Keith doesn't bat an eyelash. he just waits for whatever else is coming. his shoulders are tense, and his lips a thin line.

“Keith,” Lance says, voice soft, “you're my best friend.”

Keith blinks, a little surprised.

“i thought Hunk was your best friend,” he says.

Lance shrugs a little.

“he is, but he's also halfway across the country, living his own life,” Lance says. “it's not as easy to get a hold of him, and because of that, you're the one i've turned to. and along the way, you became my best friend.”

Keith nods like he understands. he looks to the side, thinking hard. he sighs and rubs at his face with his free hand.

“okay,” he says, and he sounds so tired. “i can do that. i can be your best friend.” abruptly, he closes his mouth with a click and his jaw clenches hard. his next words are nearly through his teeth. “just — can you hold off on talking to me about your relationships?”

Lance is extraordinarily confused.

“what?”

“you heard me earlier,” Keith said. “how i feel, and — just for a while. give me a chance to get over it. and we can be best friends.”

Lance stares at him.

“you're an idiot,” he says, and Keith bristles. before he can speak, Lance continues. “i'm not asking you to be my best friend. let me finish first before you jump to conclusions!”

“then be clear!” Keith snaps.

“i'm trying, this isn't easy for me!” Lance says.

“and you think it's easy for me?” Keith retorts. “standing here when all i want to do is kiss you, knowing i can't and hating it? wishing i could just claw out these useless feelings so i can look you in the eye without wanting to cry?”

Lance takes a breath and watches Keith tremble.

“i'm sorry,” Lance says. “i don't mean to hurt you.”

“i know,” Keith says, soft and sure.

Lance isn't sure how to reply to that unwavering confidence. he bites his lip.

“the thing is,” Lance says, “i don't want to lose you.” he looks up at Keith, noting the frown furrowing his brow. he's confused. Lance sighs and tries again. “i have a child, you know this.”

Keith nods.

“i don't want you to get your hopes up when i say this,” Lance says, “but i like you.”

Keith is blinking fast. he's swallowing hard.

“okay,” he says, and his voice is unsteady. he shifts his weight, his hand coming out of his pocket to hang by his side. “but?”

“but my kid and i, we're a package deal,” Lance says, and Keith nods again. “that means that if we become involved, i'm not the only one who stands to get hurt. if we have a relationship, and it doesn't work out, my kid reaps the heartbreak too.”

Keith frowns.

“it's not just me losing my best friend,” Lance says, “it's my kid losing a father figure and a friend.”

“how?” Keith says then.

Lance stares at him.

“what do you mean how?” Lance says, baffled.

“i mean how?” Keith repeats himself. “aren't you the mature one here? what, we break up, and suddenly i can't talk to the kid? parents get divorced all the time and they manage.”

“we're not married!” Lance yelps, cheeks burning.

“well, not yet,” Keith says with a shrug. “but even then, i won't sue you for custody or anything. i can still be a figure in the kid's life unless it's you who doesn't want me around. i grew up without parents, Lance. i'm aware of how much it sucks. i won't do that to the kid. so even if we break up, i'll still be around. we can manage it. the kid's more important than any hurt that comes between us.”

Lance inhales sharply, and his breath catches in his chest as his eyes sting.

“you say that now,” Lance says, “but what if it's a bad breakup? what if we hate each other?”

Keith gets an odd look on his face. he smiles wryly.

“i don't think it's possible to hate you,” he says. “you're not a cruel person, Lance. and neither am i. we're always going to put aside our own hurts for the sake of the kid.” he laughs a little, self-deprecating. “i'm here now, aren't i? for you. even though that really fucking hurt, what you said.”

the words are like fingers plucking his heartstrings, and Lance trembles all the way to his core.

“can you —” Keith cuts off. “trust me to be kind if we end up with irreconcilable differences. and i'll do the same for you.”

Lance bites his lips. his heart feels too large for his chest.

“i'm scared,” he admits quietly. “what if we do this, and i get hurt?”

“do you think i'll hurt you?” Keith says, just as quiet.

“i think you're young,” Lance says, “and that you could have anyone you wanted.”

“i just want you,” Keith says.

“for how long?” Lance says, looking away.

“how long you got?” Keith retorts. “Lance, i'm serious about you.” he gulps and adds, “i want to be with you for the rest of my life. i want anything you're willing to give me. and you're wrong. it's you who could have anyone.” he sighs. “for me, it's just you.”

“you say that now,” Lance says.

“and i'll say it tomorrow, too,” Keith says, exasperated. “i'll say it next week, next month, next year, next fucking decade. i'll say it forever, but it doesn't matter because you're the one who needs to believe me. can you just trust that i know what i want?”

and Lance doesn't have a comeback to that. because Keith is right. Lance is the one holding back here. he's scared of getting hurt, but he needs to trust Keith. he does trust Keith.

“okay,” Lance says, and Keith clenches his hands, body stiff.

“okay?” he says warily.

Lance nods.

“what does that mean?” Keith asks. he shifts on his feet. his hands release and clench again.

“it means i really like you,” Lance says, “and i want you to kiss me again —”

Keith is on him before he can even finish his sentence. hands cradling Lance's cheeks, he joins theirs lips and eagerly devours his gasp.

they don't separate until morning, when the kid is calling for Lance and Keith is kissing Lance goodbye for now and climbing out the window.

“can't you use the front door?” Lance hisses after him, mortified. “you're making me feel like a common hussy!”

“you want the first thing Shiro and Adam hear this morning is me coming in after spending the night at your place when i was supposed to have been in my room?” Keith says with a grin. “the only one getting called a common hussy around here is me.”

“they're going to find out regardless,” Lance objects.

“sure,” Keith says, “but Shiro likes to pretend that i'm an upstanding citizen and his innocent little brother, and i don't want to burst his bubble just yet. Adam knows i'm a scoundrel, but he hasn't convinced Shiro of that yet.”

“you're coming in through the front door from now on,” Lance says. “i'm not your dirty little secret, Keith.”

and Keith comes back to the window to kiss him one more time.

“trust me, i'll be yelling my love from the rooftops,” Keith says, and Lance blushes, pleased. “it's not like i can hide how happy you make me. but i want to get some sleep before work, and if Shiro catches me, he'll be yelling until it's time for me to go.”

“good point,” Lance says begrudgingly.

“don't worry,” Keith whispers, kissing him again. the kid calls for Lance once more, and Keith hurries to speak. “i'll tell Shiro about us after work, and then i'll come see you, alright? now go, kid's calling.” he pecks Lance on the lips and then he rushes to the fence, jumping it with ease.

climbing the side of the house in the light of dawn is much easier, and Keith makes it into his room in one piece.

he freezes when he finds Adam waiting for him, seated primly on his bed in his pajamas and robe.

he takes one, unaffected glance at Keith and says, “and where were you prowling all night, little tomcat?”

“i was just taking a walk,” Keith says, though he can't quite hide his smile.

“hmm,” Adam says indifferently. he stands and makes his way to the door. he pauses there and says, “Shiro is unaware of your absence. for now. you can explain after work. and if you don't want to worry Shiro before then, i suggest you hide those hickeys when you leave later this morning.”

he exits the room without another word, and Keith breathes out in relief that Adam's actually letting him get some shuteye.

he has no regrets, however, and he walks over to his bed, collapsing onto it with a tired sigh.

he falls asleep with a wide grin on his face.

*

i might edit this later on and turn it into a proper fic with capitalization and everything, but for now, just have this. sorry for any spelling/grammar/plot mistakes, i didn't edit this.

[greencheekconure27]

Ok but how many people in the OZ actually caught on that the Tin Man is Boq? Does he even tell anyone outside his friends? And if he did did Ozians actually listen or are there a bunch of wild rumours circulating about him?

Imagine Munchkins having murder ballads and legends and all kinds of folklore about the Wicked Witch of the East and her lover/captive and meanwhile Boq is right there and everyone's "Oh yeah that's ol' Nick Chopper* his axe got cursed by the Wicked Witch because he wanted to marry her maid so sad". And Boq is like.Wtf none of that happened.Where did that story even come from.

Anyway, as a lover of folk songs I just wanted to say that Nessarose and Boq are such great murder ballad material.

400 years,a few Munchkin immigrations, and a lot of dropped/changed details later the story becomes something like this:

(just as an example)

Maybe with a little side of Allison Gross.

(* Nick being a misremembered version of "Biq" which in turn is a misremembered version of "Boq")

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: In Which Izutsumi is Ace and also possibly a Time Lord

I heard that troll!Marcille is shredded. I heard she has an eight-pack.

(I can't believe that wasn't just the end of the chapter. I can't believe this wasn't the end of this book. What the fuck is going to happen in the NEXT chapter?!)

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omg, baby!Chilchuck! He once had hope in his eyes and joy in his heart!

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I just think he and Kabru should compare notes, by which I mean gossip.

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Laios: [explaining a new monster]

Marcille:

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Wait that's actually dodgy as fuck. Did they say something to her while Chlchuck was briefly in the bathroom or something? Threaten her?

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Marcille's imagine spot as Chilchuck's wife reminds me of that episode of Scrubs where each person imagines themselves married to Elliot. Amazing, no notes.

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Marcille's so valid tbh. He clearly lied before when he said he had only 1 daughter - he could easily be lying now, for all they know.

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....huh. Book 9 is the first book to have 6 chapters instead of 7. Story drama, or publication drama?

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this is sitcom-tier stuff. fantastic.

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Marcille: [dies and gets resurrected]

Marcille: :D :D :D I am going to study this! :D :D :D

(Marcille: So that nobody I love needs to ever die again. :) :) :) )

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She is, however, distinctly avoiding this question about her age.

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Izutsumi, confirmed for ace icon?!

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Izutsumi confirmed for ace icon!!

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Nooo babygirl! You have so much heart, it's just not exercised enough!

,

<3 :3 <3

Also, Izutsumi also confirmed for Time Lord, I guess! (And her human half may be ace but her cat half is thinkin' about a big, good-looking panther ;3

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The very first image we see of Chilchuck's daughters is of a nightmare of them axe-murdered?! Geez louise.

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I don't even care if it's a demon or a god, I just laughed aloud so hard. Impeccable transition. I think the comedic timing in this comic might be getting better as it goes on.

Shoutout to Laios for being so weird that the succubus just had to kinda guess, "uhh only properly humanoid girl in the party?" for his greatest desire, until presumably it got close enough to pick up a more detailed impression.

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Hm. So, it's not lying...

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...nvm, now it probably is (lying).

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Oh yes this is a trap. A seduction.

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/giggling with delight - Oh my god, at the previous panel I was going to make a joke about Samwise the Great, Gardener of the World, ie the temptation vision the Ring gives Sam. But I guess I don't have to, we're just going there directly. What does pure power do to you, Laios?

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Wsdknsdvl even the Winged Lion is like, "but what about your judicial policy?" I love this comic sooo much.

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That's 'cuz you're a man.

[m0thergoose]

TOWL EPISODE 5 SPOILERS AHEAD MY RAMBLY THOUGHTS AS WATCHING THE EP

LOSING MY SHIT IT’S FATHER GABE MY MAN MY IDOL OMG

NOT how I expected this episode to start omg unWELL

I truly have no idea what to expect from this ep holy hell

Rick is passenger princess confirmed

The hand kiss 🫠

Honeymoon take 2 woopwoop

TASTEFUL NOODS SHUT UP

AND THE MUSIC SHUT UP

OTP on a scenic road trip I’m in love with this

Look at them looking lovingly at Carl

HE’S FINDING GIFTS FOR HIS SON

MAKING A GIFT FOR HIS WIFE 😭😭😭😭

MICHONNE GETTING RJ AN AX IM KILLING MYSELF

TOOTHPASTE FUCK OOOOOOFF

I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SON’S BEST FRIEND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDIDNG ME 😭😭😭

RICK KISSING HER NECK 🫠🫠🫠

they found a cabin, they on a real vacation now baby

I NEVER LET GO 🙌

New people I’m scared I don’t like it

Rick is really at Michonne’s beck and call ‘they look pretty hungry’ INSTANTLY drops his bag to find them food lmaoooo

OHHH DONT try this with Richonne you silly silly people

‘Well how bout you just listen’ 😂😂😂😂😂

That’s right Michonne you take your food back lmaoooo

Rick emptying the bullets into michonnes hand sooooorry I’m unwell

Keep your promise asshole 😂

Us against the world 💖

Toothpaste, booze, what are you up to grimes???? I’m just working with what I got - the necklace 💖 RICK LOVES HIS WIFE SO MUCH

RIGHT who is this now??? Is this GABE?

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK???? GABE AND JADIS????? IN CONTACT????? Noooooooooo I AM CONFUSION

GABE TALKING ABOUT RICK TO JADIS FUCK THIS

GABE IF TOU KNEW RIGHT NOW YOU’D KILL HER YOURSELF AMEN

FUUUUCKING HELL JADIS WAKING THEM UP, it’s like when Jesus walked in on them their first night lmaoooo but this is 1 million times worse!

Michonne looks so hot rn haha

I actually could give a flying fuck about Jadis, hurry up and kill her richonne lmao

YAAAS RICHONNE

OMG GABE ONE DAY RICK SAID THAT I SHOULD MARRY THEM 😭😭😭😭

And he’s kept a wedding ring for Rick actually shoot me rn

Gabe is a richonner confirmed 💖

Now I want Gabriel to be the one to kill Jadis because this is sick and twisted from her

HE GAVE HER RICKS RING GABRIEL YOU BETTA NOOOOT

okay so they’re gonna kill Jadis and as she’s dying she’ll hand him the ring

And next year same day same place it won’t be Jadis that meets Gabriel, it’ll be richonne

HERE we go fuck her up Michonne

Here Ricky dicky goes, fuck them walkers up

Jadis is scum these people better not help her

HAHAHHAHA Michonne just wants to kill this bitch ‘maybe just maim first’ yeah ok Ricky dicky 😂

THATS WHAT U GET FOR TRUSTING JADIS YOU DUMBASSES

UGH DONT KISS HER GABRIEL IF YOU ONLY KNEW

WHAT THE FUCK JADIS WHAT DID SHE DO TO GABRIEL

THIS BITCH SHOT HER MAN MICHONNE IS DEFO GOINGG TO GUT HER LMAOO

Omg

Michonne what you gonna do

Michonne has a plan yes

OMG ARE THEY SPLITTING UP TO SAVE EACH OTHER

‘You’ve looked better’ sassy Rick lol

I’m stilll hoping Michonne just fucking murders her

YEEEEES FUCK THIS BITCH

PAINFUL WALKER DEATH FUCK U JADIS

side note Rick looks v handsome rn

I’ll see you next year Ann - noooo you’ll see richonne next year gabey baby 🤞

‘We’re gonna do that’ ricks like sure whatever you want baby

THE RING KILL ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I don’t want a proposal in front of jadis save it for when you’re alone Ricky dicky

IS THIS A PROPOSAL RIGHT HERE IM CRYING

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

‘I could never have imagined this but it could only ever have been you’ 🥹🥹🥹🥹

SOMEBODY SEDATE ME 😭😭😭😭😭

THE PROMO ‘are we crazy’ ‘certifiable’ LMAOOOOOO

ALSO how the fuck are we wrapping this up in one more episode, we deserve MORE dammit

[cephalofrog]

lore contemplation about messmer and the crusade

I agree with a youtube video I saw that the crusade probably happened between the march of the tarnished/godfrey being exiled (since messmer knows what a tarnished is) and radagon leaving rennala (since rellana came on the crusade and rennala was lucid enough to give her the hair).

I have a vague theory/headcanon about messmer having been born in the land of shadow, just after marika ascended to godhood. idk how that would work with radagon though. radagon's state of existence is so confusing man like how is he both marika and also related to the fire giants somehow

interesting that messmer is technically a bastard (as in a kid born to a non-married pairing of a monarch). makes me think that would heap upon the reasons for people to dislike him even before the crusade

contemplating the general implied public hatred of messmer makes me sad but I also find it funny. like average people with strong opinions on god-queen marika's stinky nasty oldest kid. "did you know he hangs out with snakes? and uses fire magic? why's he even allowed to have grace? marika should disown him tbh. who even is his father?"

then people who meet him and aren't super devout to the golden order are like oh wait this guy's cool actually

the characterisation of the people who went on the crusade is interesting. you have the implicitly super brutal and cruel people (see: messmer soldier's axe), the super devout people who are all in on the killing everyone without the grace of gold thing (see: queelign), prisoners presumably forced to fight (see: messmer soldier's ashes), and the fire knights who seem to be devoted to messmer himself (see: fire knight's helmet).

considering that death in the land of shadow probably doesn't result in returning to the erdtree (remembrances are hewn into the scadutree, not the erdtree, which is stated to be opposed to the concept of order meaning that the whole honourable erdtree reincarnation thing probably doesn't happen) it kinda makes sense that these are the kinds of people that would end up going

so people who don't care about the golden order and just want to kill and hurt and burn stuff even if that means a dishonourable death

people who are so devout that even dying without grace following a leader who seems kinda dodgy under the erdtree is worth it to murder all these people and make the golden order happy (which explains why some people betrayed messmer upon finding out he was a bit too much of a snake)

(related: wonder if queelign would also betray messmer if he found out he was a snake? I can imagine it happening. or maybe he already knows since he is a fire knight and he's just cool with it)

prisoners who don't really get a choice in the matter (not the worst warcrime committed by messmer)

and people who aren't really dedicated to the golden order as much as they are just friends with messmer like 'well if you're gonna go do a crusade and genocide a bunch of people we'll come along but we will also insist on preserving their culture. also are you okay man? like seriously'

[fumblingmusings]

Oooh ooh. Heres a topic i wish to hear your hcs on

What would have been Evelyn's overall thoughts and life like during Henry VIII rule, mainly how he treated his wives

Would it affect her in any way, would she try to help the queens, would she be a victim to one of his beheadings? Just wish more people talked ab England during Henry's reign

~Izzy

I think the whiplash of going from Henry VII who's primary advisors were his mother and his wife to Henry VIII who treated his sisters like dirt, discarded his daughters when their mother's became political liabilities, and of course, you know, murdered his wives, is kind of hard to overstate. Maybe not much changed on a societal level, but having a leader who trusts women's judgement versus one who actively shuns them is still important.

Evelyn has always been a little more content with working in the background. She doesn’t like brash and loud. Subtlety is always the goal. Subtlety does not work on Henry VIII. His reign is really split into halves. The first twenty years are typical for a monarch of that era - well learned men in dick measuring contests. Evelyn is used to that with her Kings, so she can occasionally talk him down or play to his ego. She is juggling two very tenacious people though. I always imagine when Henry was off battling in France and Catherine wins the Battle of Flodden Field and kills the Scottish King, Evelyn was with the Queen instead of King kind of just going whoops at Alasdair across the battlefield. There was apparently a debate where Catherine had to be talked down from sending Henry the head of King James. They went with the blood stained coat instead. How nice.

But the second half, the Great Matter, is where I think where she just totally looses any pretence of influence over him. She herself is still a teenager at this point, and Henry is such a prat (understatement). And she can't do much but watch when the dissolution of the abbeys happen, when the enclosure of public land really kicks off, when things like the Pilgramage of Grace happens. She can do what Jane Seymour did and beg for him to forgive those men, and Henry can say exactly what he said to Jane: don't meddle and if you ever think of it again remember what happened to the late Queen. Maybe Evelyn snorts at the thought. Maybe Henry holds her to it.

Maybe she says 'Fine. Watch me influence your forgotten daughter.' and Edward is beyond help, a little puritan extremist. Mary enjoys her misery. Elizabeth loves languages (she speaks Cornish for goodness sake), dancing and cards and music and is snooty and indecisive and has a dreadful temper and can be a bit mercurial and huh. Wonder where she picked all that up from. :|

Honestly it really isn't a surprise when Elizabeth announces that she's married to England.

I think Evelyn would work best networking behind the scenes. She sends men in the Tower following the failed Pilgrimage of Grace blankets and food; she paid for gunpowder to be put around Anne Askew's neck so when she was burned her death would be quicker; she did as much as she could to influence Henry's kids to various degrees of success. She goes to Anne Boleyn and Bishop Gardiner and Thomas More and Thomas Cromwell and Catherine Howard's executions, trying to be a reassuring presence for each of them. You do not deserve to die she whispers as the axe falls.

I think during this time is when she would start to spend less and less time in London in Court. Instead retreating further and further back into the country. Maybe with Elizabeth's early reign she comes back, but by the end she is firmly planted outside the capital. Nothing good ever happens in St James'.

[devilsskettle]

in jennifer’s body, jennifer and needy are clear foils and doubles for the other — or really they start the story as opposites and through their shared experiences of violence become more similar as the story progresses. jennifer starts out as the victim, being sacrificed by the satanic boy band in a way that is reflective of sexual violence, and comes back as a monster who inflicts violence on boys in a way that also utilizes her sexuality. needy spends most of the movie as a bystander, only witnessing the events of the movie with no way to stop them, until she finally has to confront jennifer. she kills jennifer and then breaks out of prison to hunt down the boy band — she’s the one who ultimately turns the tables on both predatory forces in her life. like jennifer, she didn’t die when she was supposed to and now has demon powers herself; she’s still herself, but becoming one of jennifer’s victims made her more like jennifer than how we see her in the rest of the movie. it’s this wheel of fortune type narrative between the band, jennifer, and needy, where as soon as you think you’re winning, your luck changes again. you can go from monster to victim or vice versa with no warning

lisa frankenstein shares a similar framework with lisa and taffy, where by the end of the story, taffy is now in the same role that lisa was in at the beginning of the story. you certainly can’t imagine her saying “everything turned out nice” about this series of events now that the shoe is on the other foot — her mother dead, having to visit the graveyard, wearing lisa’s rosary, now the only witness/bystander of the story. meanwhile, lisa starts out in this “bystander” role where she witnesses her mother’s murder; through the main events of the story, she takes on the role of the killer, wielding the axe (as i’ve seen some people point out already, she sort of reclaims it as a weapon for her own use) but also becoming the “bride of frankenstein” character in the story (the original axe murderer wore a bride of frankenstein mask -> she “marries” the creature and by the time she is resurrected resembles the bride when she is first introduced in the movie, with all the bandages etc) and of course she is never officially caught for her crimes like the original killer. her participation in the murders (and dismemberments) is what traumatizes taffy in the same way that she was traumatized. however, in taking responsibility for the pain she caused, lisa steps out of the “killer” role in death, role-reversing with the creature. the creature and lisa are also doubles throughout the film — she immediately sees them as the same (ex: when she tells him that the college radio station is for “people like us, with feelings” which is the first time we see her align herself with anyone in the film, where everyone else clearly sees her as Other). but their arcs are opposite of each other, where the creature is resurrected -> joins lisa in the murders etc -> ends the story as the one who resurrects and takes care of lisa like she took care of him.

so in comparison to jennifer’s body, i think we see the process of these role reversals happen more gradually, but to the same effect that the characters are all playing musical chairs when it comes to where they are positioned in these cycles of violence. it’s also kind of interesting to see how this plays out with romantic interests as well; in jennifer’s body, jennifer goes after any boy that needy even remotely has an interest in (chip obviously but also colin), and in lisa frankenstein, although taffy is less malicious about it, she sleeps with the guy who she knows lisa likes and who probably wasn’t even on her radar until lisa mentioned him. so a lot of these relationships are fraught and also subject to this game of musical chairs where boundaries are being crossed in terms of who’s with who and how these relationships are defined. but also in terms of power dynamics, we see a lot of reversals as well; jennifer turning the tables on stereotypically sexually predatory young men (framing sex as a consumptive, objectifying act, she literally consumes them before they can consume her — even characters we don’t see as predatory like colin who ends up being subject to this cat-and-mouse game of sexuality that jennifer functions in); lisa doing the same to the guy who assaults her at the party literally cutting off the offending limb in a way that i would say is suggestive of castration if there weren’t a literal castration to compare it to lol, but also her and the creature turning the tables on her stepmother who weaponizes her parental power and victim complex to antagonize her and subject her to the institutional violence of….. well, being institutionalized. so in both cases we see these socially acceptable, implicit forms of violence being responded to with actual explicit physical violence. and i think that’s what has made jennifer’s body so embraced as a feminist cult classic and i’ve seen people respond to lisa frankenstein the same way since it has come out — because it’s the recognition that young women are frequently subjected to violence and we want some kind of way to respond in kind

AND it’s also interesting to see how these characters have to go through this life -> death -> rebirth cycle to wield this kind of power. obviously jennifer literally dies as a victim and returns as the monster, but needy “dies” when she kills jennifer and is sent to jail and is “reborn” when she discovers her powers and breaks out of jail to get revenge. lisa has both a literal and metaphorical death/rebirth cycle — the first “death” being witnessing her mother’s death (+ her post traumatic mutism, “wandering around like a corpse” by taffy’s description) and finding new life when she resurrects the creature (telling him she hasn’t talked that much since before her mother’s death, finding her own style, being empowered to stand up for herself…. through violence ofc), the second being her actual literal death and rebirth in which she is able to escape her old life and presumably live on her own terms now. in both stories it’s clear that female deviance and female retaliation to violence will be punished by society, and the only way to escape that is to escape from society, which is a means of both rejecting and embracing life — acknowledging that the cost of female empowerment is social ostracism. especially when simply existing as a young woman inconveniently also results in ostracism (see: both lisa and taffy as soon as they express any emotion that isn’t nice and happy)

in a way, lisa gets to be both jennifer and needy — she goes to too much of an extreme, like jennifer, hurting people that she cares about unintentionally, and has to face the consequences of her actions, but she also gets to escape, like needy. but her ending is more hopeful than either of theirs and i think since this film is something of a follow up to jennifer’s body, it’s kind of nice that they were like okay so a lot of young women really enjoyed this revenge fantasy, what if she gets away with it this time? and i appreciate that. anyway that’s it

who wants to talk about how jennifer’s body and lisa frankenstein both set up the narrative roles of monster/victim/bystander and the arcs of the characters in the story are about stepping into each of these roles at different points in their experience with violence, as if they are trapped in a cycle that self-perpetuates

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Charlie MacKenzie

(Not my gif)(Requested by @jotaro-spengler​)

(Sorry this post took so long. I literally changed the entire meeting story last minute because I’m an indecisive perfectionist so it took a lot longer to write than expected. Hope you enjoy!)

- You and Charlie getting together was really all Tony’s fault. He just had to go and mention you: shine the spotlight in Charlies mind right on you and say look here you fool, a beautiful woman who you already care about and who already cares about you.

- That wasn’t really how it happened of course. All Tony had actually done was say something along the lines of “now take a look at my sister-”, using you as an example in some scenario he came up with rather than giving his friend a recommendation. 

- But, in Charlie’s half listening mind, all he heard was “take a look at my sister” and take a look he did. 

- You were a little younger; which tended to be the case when it came to younger sisters of friends that were his age, and you were pretty. You had a nice personality, you thought he was funny on occasion, and you weren’t a total stranger who he could easily find a flaw; that he didn’t already know about, in. 

- Why not give it a shot? Worst case scenario, you say no or he breaks your heart and loses his best friend in the future. But hey, it was Tony’s idea to begin with, right?

- So he visits you at work, making small talk; as per usual since this was a fairly normal occurrence for the two of you, before trying to ask you out as casually as he could. 

- Initially, you think that you’ve misunderstood him or that he’s misspoken, then you think that he joking, …and then you just think he’s gone crazy. You quite literally ask him if he’s feeling alright because it’s so out of the blue and unexpected.

- But, once you come to terms with the fact that this is a legitimate request, …you agree. 

- I mean, it’s not like the idea never popped into your head. You’ve known the guy since middle school: of course you’d considered it; though you’d never imagined that it would actually come to fruition. 

- Nevertheless, here you were, giving each other somewhat awkward smiles and arranging a time and place. 

- Your first date is initially going to be just a regular dinner at some diner down the street that the two of you; and your brother, often frequented but you quickly find that it just feels wrong to go there: like the two of you are still just two friends. 

- So you scratch that idea and find yourselves wandering around town, buying some food from a street vendor and taking in the atmosphere of the night. What started out as a; frankly, uncomfortable first date ends up turning into one of the best you’ve ever had.

- It’s no surprise that the two of you get along. The question is whether or not you fit as a couple so; regardless of whether or not you’d normally do it, you decide to have your first kiss before the night is over to test out the romantic chemistry between you. 

- It may not be the most romantic first kiss in the world; considering the fact that you literally both talk about and agree to it like it’s some sort of business deal or logical course of action, but you enjoy it nonetheless and it gives the two of you some clarity. 

- He likes you and you like him and the two of you are happy together. You just hope that it lasts....

- Charlie really doesn’t care about what other people think, in fact, he sort of likes to bother and gross people out so he never minds engaging in a bit of pda. If he feels like kissing the hell out of you, he’s gonna do it; regardless of whether or not there’s people around. 

- Interlocked arms or holding onto his arm as the two of you walk together. He likes having you close to him so literally securing you to his side by your arm is a helpful form of affection. 

- Handholding. He’ll usually swing your arms back and forth whenever you do. 

- Cheek kisses. He’s a fan of both giving and receiving them so it definitely goes both ways. 

- Excited, feverish, and passionate kisses. You tend to just lay one on each other at random; oftentimes catching the other person a little off-guard, so these types of kisses are pretty common in your relationship. 

- Kissing in the rain; sometimes with him kicking his leg up in the air behind him. 

- He tends to just call you by your given name; or a teasing nickname on occasion. He finds that using pet names just aren’t his thing and that a lot of them cause him to roll his eyes more than anything else. 

- The two of you really don’t have a “usual” cuddling position since you tend to just do whatever feels right or makes the most sense. Some days you cuddle with your head on his arm, other days he’s the big spoon, and sometimes you’re the big spoon. 

- Back scratches and shoulder kisses. 

- Taking baths together. 

- You know the meme about the person getting into their partners shower fully clothed so that they can ask them a question? That’s the type of shit that he does constantly. Sometimes you just have to sit back and consider the fact that you may be dating either an idiot or a crazy person. 

- Getting his help when you’re trying to pick out your outfits. 

- Going to his open mic nights. 

-  Having poems written about you. …They’re pretty bad....

- If you're dating Charlie, you have to stop caring about how other people view you because there’s no way you’re not going to do; at least a few, ridiculous things out in public together. The two of you are constantly doing dumb shit so just try to ignore any judgmental looks you may or may not receive. 

- Chasing each other around and playing other childish games. 

- Frolicking and dancing like children of the night~

- Double dates with Tony and his girlfriends. 

- Diner dates. 

- Wandering around the city together. 

- Buying from different street vendors and food trucks. 

- Cruising around town with his top down and the radio turned to your favorite station. 

- Sitting out on his roof with him. 

- He loves seeing you smile so expect a lot of dumb jokes and comments that are meant to make you laugh. 

- Teasing each other. You like to call him “nice” just to mess with him. 

- Convincing him to do different things with you. You know that it wasn’t his idea to go on that Alcatraz tour with Tony so it’s safe to say that he can be persuaded into accompanying you just about anywhere. 

- Taking different classes together; though you probably shouldn’t take him to those sorts of things …for the sake of your teachers sanity. 

- Getting visited at work. He’ll always insist that he was “in the neighborhood” but he absolutely was not and totally drove all the way over just to see you. 

- Speaking of work: he would definitely offer to help you with whatever task you had to do just to ease your workload and spend more time with you. It would also probably get him into the good graces of your boss so the man/woman would be a lot more lenient with him hanging around. 

- Finding your own ways to quiet his rambling. He tends to just keep talking whenever he’s nervous or feeling shy so you’ll have to learn the best way to quiet him whenever he gets like that; which usually means you’ll be kissing him or saying something he wants to hear. 

- Telling each other stories. His are usually exaggerated to an outrageous degree but you never really mind; it’s sort of more amusing to see where his brain takes him than to just listen to a normal story.   

- Family get togethers. You’ll usually sit in the kitchen with him and his mother while Tony and his father watch some sports game in the living room. 

- Interesting interactions with his family; namely his father. The man’s a little hard to get along with but he’s certainly entertaining. 

- He'll always check on you before leaving you alone, making sure you’re okay before he ditches you to do something; even if it’s just using the rest room for a minute. 

- Him getting advice from Tony. Regardless of whether or not you want to picture yourself as the mans sister, he’s going to be your best ally when it comes to surviving your relationship; so you might want to get on his good side if you weren't already.

-  Having to get through his sabotage stage. 

- Charlie tends to get scared and break up with people when things are getting too serious so don’t be surprised if; or when, it happens to you. The good thing is that, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come to his senses and dedicate himself towards getting you back; usually with some big cute gesture. 

- Just not feeling like yourself? No problem! He’ll be completely understanding and accept that you just aren’t happy; all while doing whatever he can to put a little pep in your step. 

- He’s not an incredibly jealous person but he is cautious. He’ll never refuse to let you hang out with someone or do something but he will keep an eye on your relationships with other guys. Not because he doesn’t trust you but because he doesn’t want you winding up in an awkward position because you couldn’t see the red flags of encroaching romance. 

- He’s somewhat protective of you; oftentimes sticking out his own neck to save yours. Although he’ll usually; awkwardly, try to settle things in a peaceful manner after an aggressive outburst at someone or something; usually because he only then realizes how big and threatening they are. 

- The two of you fake fight every now and again but real fights only happen once in a blue moon. You get along incredibly well so it isn’t often that you can’t settle things in a peaceful manner; especially since he approaches you very calmly whenever he has a problem. 

- Because most of his issues with you are reasonable, fights usually end before they even begin. But if they don’t and you wind up having a legitimate argument or fight, he’s always willing to apologize; especially since he’ll feel extremely guilty for upsetting you. 

- He mainly shows you that he loves you but he definitely isn’t opposed to saying the actual words. 

- As afraid of marriage as he normally is, he actually proposes to you pretty quickly. I guess when you know you know? 

[yukidragon]

Hello Yukidragon, I've been following your headcanons and theories for a while, thanks to a friend I have a question and it's not about the game something's wrong with sunny day jack but about another game that will come out in the case the game, The Groom Of Gallagher Mansion .

The game will have another ghost as a love interest, but this time it's a ghost of a beheaded groom. and I would like to know if you also believe that the game will be like the movie Corpse Bride. and what is your theory about the plot of the game, do you think his death has anything to do with Elias' family jewels?

Ah yes, Elias Gallagher, the other super hot and tragic ghost male lead in the SnaccPop Studios roster. Kudos to Sauce for designing such an interesting character who instantly catches the eye with such a striking detail that tells so much of his story. Their artwork and ideas are really awesome.

Fun fact - apparently the game is going to be more of a supernatural romance story and not a yandere-themed game. This suggests that Elias is only going to be scary in appearance rather than because something is twisted up inside him.

Though I’m sure there’s going to be angst and horror elements. I mean... poor guy got his head chopped off, and on his wedding day no less!

While the story of the Groom of Gallagher Mansion has had a lot less teasers about the lore, as I recall, it was mentioned that he was murdered by his bride on his wedding day because she wanted the family jewels. Of course, this was mentioned before Elias went from being an interesting OC to the star of his own game, so I won’t be surprised if that changes in the story.

But man, if the teaser tidbits of the lore stay the same, can you imagine how that might have gone down? Elias, being a sickly guy finally had someone who wanted to marry him despite his health problems. He’s giddy, thinking he’s finally found true love. Maybe he’s so excited he has to take a seat, exhausted after their wedding, when suddenly the bride he was gushing over just swings an axe into him from behind while he’s not looking and takes his head clean off! Whoever his first bride was, they had major upper body strength. Look at just how clean that cut was.

Then again, they could have used piano wire and shoved Elias through it at top speed or maybe the family has a bunch of non-jewel treasures that include a guillotine, and the bride tricked him into showing her how it works. Who knows really.

I suspect the Groom of Gallagher Mansion is probably going to be a sweeter sort of game, with a lot of fan service and some macabre touches. A game that’s all about being romanced (and seduced) by a sweet ghost with a bit of an Adam’s Family spoopy vibe sounds really cool.

Of course, this is all wild speculation at this point. It’s way too early to be sure of much of anything, but I’m curious to see whatever direction the dev team has in mind for this spooky yet charming groom.

[bridgertonbabe]

(in regards to meddling violet au) I imagine Benedict either went to sad jelly legs mode after hearing Sophie is moving away to Scotland or that he was packing his bags to follow her 🤭

It started with option A and eventually led to option B.

When he had arrived at the house one morning, searching about for any signs of Sophie in the hopes he could pull her into a cupboard to ravish her neck with kisses, he stumbled across a very unhappy Hyacinth. Upon asking her what had got her so down she gloomily informed him that their mother had sent Sophie up to Scotland to work in Kilmartin without any word of discussion or even allowing Hyacinth to say goodbye to her lady's maid. Benedict had to ask her repeat herself, just to make sure he had heard everything correctly and after it was reiterated to him Benedict fled the house and out into the garden where he proceeded to throw up. He suffered a panic attack and spent the rest of the day on the swing in the garden with his head in his hands as he desperately tried to come up with some plausible explanation he could give to his mother and Anthony as to why he wanted to move to Scotland all of a sudden.

After he confronted his mother along with all of his siblings, he mulled it over and decided he wouldn't even tell anyone of his plans to up and leave for Scotland; he'd simply write them a letter with some fabricated excuse once he got there. However prior to his departure when he was having tea with his mother and sisters, Violet asked Francesca if she would let her know how things work out between Sophie and John, causing Benedict to freeze up altogether. He listens in horror as his mother begins divulging to the group how there were openings in Kilmartin for both a lady's maid and a butler and that she knew Sophie preferred to work in rural surroundings and that John was looking for a promotion from footman, as well as the fact that she knew the young man had always had a fancy for Sophie (which was a lie - Violet was sure she had once spied the footman emerging from the stables after a liasion with one of the groomsmen) and thought perhaps they'd bond in their new household and go on to marry and make each other happy - at which point Benedict bursts into tears. Violet asks her daughters to give her and her son a moment and once they're gone Benedict pours his heart out to his mother, how he's in love with Sophie and that he had been planning to move to Scotland just to be close to her; at which point Violet snaps at him to stop being so stupid and simply make Sophie his wife.

"But won't it cause a scandal, mother? Marrying a woman below my station-"

"Oh, Benedict; what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I wouldn't care if she were an axe murderer; so long as she makes you happy, that's all that matters. Now for the love of god; go get your girl, marry her, and give me grandchildren!"

[dearly]

just read this and the part about harry was surprisingly honest https://www.theringer.com/music/2022/4/21/23035076/coachella-weekend-1-review-harry-styles-billie-eilish-lil-baby-jamie-xx

But Styles’s set at Coachella revealed an artist out of his depth. If Beyoncé proved to even inveterate skeptics that a pop act headlining Coachella could supply something as imaginative and visionary as any rapper, DJ, or guitar apostle, Styles doubled as a wicker man for the retro-fried fetishization that has defined the past decade. If he was cast in a West End production of Aladdin Sane: The Musical!, there would be no cause for complaint. But closing out Friday night, the lingering shadow of all immortal predecessors loomed. Roger Waters played Dark Side of the Moon atop the same soil where Harry Styles kicked a KIDZ BOP version of the Almost Famous soundtrack.

The idea is that the former One Direction singer is the Justin Timberlake of his generation: a product who shed his boy-band assembly line past to mature into an artist capable of selling Pepsi on his own merits. The problem is that he’s closer to Robbie Williams from Take That or Donny Osmond, references surely lost on 99 percent of the relatively paltry, mostly under-25 crowd who gathered on the former polo field to listen to Styles’s set.

Harry Styles is an archetypal artist for the late capitalist drain spiral of ambient streaming and social media thirst: simply far too big and slickly packaged to fail. He rose to fame on a reality show, was coached by Simon Cowell, and made brain-fry famous as one-fifth of a boy band whose distinguishing characteristic was loving both kinds of music: boomer rock and pop. They finished in third place on the reality show, but ended up selling millions. Since he went solo he’s been managed by the son of the most powerful man in the music industry, represented by the world’s most powerful talent agency, and signed to a label owned by a multinational conglomerate that made $11 billion in net income during the first year of the pandemic.

As a child, Styles learned to make music by singing karaoke covers, and never learned how to stop. There is no such thing as a Harry Styles song. There are Hall & Oates songs, David Bowie songs, Pink Floyd songs, Elton John songs, Queen songs, and Fleetwood Mac songs, which Harry Styles and his producers and songwriters rejigger into new alignments like a Web3 reboot of Glam Rock Scrabble.

To his credit, Styles made a valiant effort. Wearing a sequin harem outfit that looked made out of a souvenir disco ball from Studio 54, the former One Directionist skipped across the stage, shimmied, and hoisted his microphone to the heavens. He had the moves down as if he’d purchased hundreds of music documentaries on Amazon Prime (and maybe even a few Blu-rays that aren’t available on streaming). He blew kisses to the crowd, cheerfully plinked at a guitar, and holistically indicted boyfriends. He told us that our only job was to have as much fun as possible, and to be whoever we were. But it’s unclear if he even knew what that meant for himself. Over a belabored piano vamp, he bellowed “WOOOMAAAAN,” somewhere between Mike Myers’s beatnik poetry in So I Married an Axe Murderer and Russell Brand’s Jeffrey-puffing rock goofball from Get Him to the Greek. He finished with a song called “Sign of the Times,” which was somehow not a Prince cover. It sounded created for a Disney biopic about Rod Stewart, which has yet to be cast.

The Return of Coachella and a glimpse into our new abnormal

[eclogues]

more season 6 riverdale notes

- tabitha gives tears of virgin mary to the devil

- veronica's "marry the night" performance

- baby anthony was taken by a cursed wench summoned by the mother of the kid toni killed, and to save him, toni becomes to new cursed wench and disappears into sweetwater river

- betty meeting with the trash bag killer in custody but it turns out that wasn't even real she imagined it?

- veronica gives up 1 soul a week to the devil in order to save her boutique casino and tricks reggie into signing away his soul

- tori smashing jughead's typewriter

- rivervale is "the final battle ground between good and evil"

- the rivervale opening just being one singular scream and rivervale in a red glowing font

- thornhill mrs dalloway????????

- betty wasn't actually pregnant btw she just had pregnancy hysteria

- victorian lesbian choni

- cheryl is an astronomy teacher for her pagan girl cult

- nana blossom is dying⁉️

- cheryl pronounces the h in herbs

- victorian cheryl's brother is serving in WW1

- cheryl: "i have no need for women with husbands"

- Bailey's Comet

- cold war rivervale

- 60s cheryl ("poppy") comes out as a communist DURING the cold war

- WHY is betty always infertile.

- 60s communist cheryl giving birth control to 60s betty who is in an unhappy marriage with a catholic

- BETTY AND CHERYL 60S KISS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

- CHERYL AND TONI LATE 19TH CENTURY KISS ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

- 60s veronica complaining about vanilla sex in her marriage so cheryl gives her an aphrodisiac

- 60s homophobic jughead

- 60s cheryl just got arrested for being a lesbian communist 🥲

- WW1 fang is a warlock

- 60s betty is pregnant‼️

- 60s cheryl delivering betty's catholic baby

- WW1 CHERYL MURDERS WARLOCK FANGS WITH AN AXE TO BE A LESBIAN

- bailey's comet passes by as warlock Fangs curses ww1 cheryl to a life unloved and alone and then he dies

- 60s cheryl being on indefinite house arrest FOR BEING a communist lesbian

- 60s betty kills catholic jughead with cheryl's garden herbs‼️

- sabrina the teenage witch cameo

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

For “Shang-Chi 2″, regardless of what the main story will be about (it’s probably going to be about Fin Fang Foom), I’m really pushing for Marvel to introduce Shang-Chi’s love interest, Leiko Wu. For those who don’t know this character, Leiko is a MI6 secret agent. Just...imagine all the dramatic/comedic potential that could come from this.

For example:

1) Leiko Wu takes on an assignment to get close to Shang-Chi because MI6 and S.W.O.R.D. are interested in the ten rings. So, she takes on a cover identity as an upper-class businesswoman from the United Kingdom and makes it so that they’re paired up during a blind date. And of course, taking cues from romcoms, Shang-Chi falls for Leiko and Leiko starts to develop real feelings for Shang-Chi.

2) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Katy, who immediately feels something is off. She gets the “my best friend might be dating an axe murderer” vibes but isn’t sure how to tell Shang-Chi that. 

3) Katy’s family jokes that she missed her chance at marrying Shang-Chi now that he’s dating the upper-class British girl. 

4) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Xialing. Xialing immediately goes little sister mode and starts interrogating Leiko because she wants to know how the hell did her loser older brother get someone like her. She says something along the lines of, “All you do is park cars and karaoke while drunk! And you’re telling me you somehow convinced a rich, proper girl like Leiko to date you?!”

5) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Ying Nan. Ying Nan goes auntie mode and starts pushing for Shang-Chi to propose to Leiko. Also, she immediately figures out that Leiko is hiding her true identity but also recognizes that she has genuine feelings for her nephew, so she lets it slide. 

6) Ying Nan bonds with Leiko by telling her the story of Wenwu and Ying Li.

7) The movie could do that classic romcom trope where Shang-Chi is disappointed after finding out Leiko’s true identity and Leiko has to do the big, romantic gesture to convince him that she genuinely likes him. You know what I mean. (EDIT: Well, the superhero equivalent of a big romantic gesture. Like she kisses him right after killing a bunch of bad guys)

I’m just saying, there’s a lot of story potential here. 

[thegreymoon]

Monarch Industry

Oh, is that so?

Smh. Shut up, you two-faced opportunist.

***

Oh, god 😑

This besotted loser! Like she doesn’t have enough to worry about without his delusional pampered ass there to hinder her. 

***

Looks like Wanru’s affection killing pill isn’t working as well as it should. 

***

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up 🤬🤬

I hold you in contempt, let alone her! You’re so fucking useless. How dare you show up like this after she’s married? 

Also, imagine thinking someone would leave Xiao Qi for the likes of him once you’ve had the opportunity to compare. 

***

OH, YOU DARE 🤬🤬

SHE WAITED FOR YOU IN THE RAIN THE ENTIRE NIGHT WHILE YOU TOOK YOUR SWEET TIME DEBATING WHETHER OR NOT TO COME. YOU SHOWED UP IN THE MORNING, WITH THE SUN HIGH UP IN THE SKY, AFTER HER FATHER HAD MURDERED AT LEAST 8 INNOCENT PEOPLE BECAUSE OF YOU. GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A CACTUS. 

***

Yes, princess, tell him to fuck off. 

It’s now been two episodes without Xiao Qi, and here we have this self-absorbed, spineless loser taking up all out time. Kick him out! 

***

YOU’VE ALREADY LOST HER, YOU MORON!

DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT AFTER EXPERIENCING XIAO QI SHE WOULD EVER GO BACK TO YOUR USELESS SELF? GO DIE 💀💀

***

Well, shit. 

Here is your opportunity, Zitan, to be even more useless and embarrass yourself some more. 

***

She’s splendid 🔥🔥

***

AND WHAT’S THE USE OF YOU?

***

LMAO, he knows that the priest is poisoning him.

****

@orsuliya​ Awu’s collarbones, just for you 🖤

***

Aww, baby, I miss you! 😭

We all miss you! Please come and take back your screen time from the muppet!

***

Well, shit. 

***

I can’t believe they forced them into a retreat!

Go, general Song, go!!

***

NOOOO, THEY BREACHED THE GATE!

***

Oh, shut up and go yourself.

You are nothing but a nuisance anyway. Wearing white robes in the middle of a siege, how useless. Stop bothering her, can’t you see she’s busy, unlike some jobless people. 

***

YES, AWU, TELL HIM!!

THE WAY I STAN HER!! *waves all her flags*

***

Cackling like a deranged hyena rn 🤣🤣 

YES, PRINCESS, SPEAK ALL OUR MINDS!! 

***

XIAO QI, AT LAST!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭

IN HIS MAGNIFICENT EMBROIDERED CLOAK!! 

***

So much love for Song Huaien 💖💖

***

LMAOOOO, his face 🤣🤣

This is what happens when you meet a true God of War, asshole! 

***

NO, BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND 😭😭

I AM CURRENTLY REPORTING FROM A PUDDLE OF MY TEARS BECAUSE THEY ARE MURDERING ME 😭😭

***

They are, indeed! 🤗

***

Let’s see how she will explain the useless layabout to him, though. If he causes trouble between them, I will be pissed 😠

***

The way this asshole showed up to make things awkward with her husband and to stir shit up in her marriage 😠😠 Plus, he’s drunk off his ass and making a fool of himself. 

***

I can’t help but think that this writer had an axe to grind with an ex-boyfriend and wrote the Third Prince based on him as revenge 😂

The second-hand embarrassment is killing me!

***

He smiles and my heart is full 🤗

***

It just occurred to me that this wine the muppet was drinking must be something he brought HIMSELF. He didn’t bring arms, he didn’t bring people. He brought A BOTTLE OF WINE. 

***

Babies 🤗

***

God, look at them 😭😭

***

Somebody make them stop 😭😭

I caaaaaaan’t 😭😭😭😭

***

Well, this is more logical than the whole ‘killing affection’ pill. 

I thought it would be poison, but you never know with c-dramas what drugs with weird effects they will pull out of their sleeve. 

***

Smh.

***

The little maid is going to end up drinking this, isn’t she.

[ourflagmeansroleplay]

CW for s//xual ass//ult, among other unpleasant topics

So we actually know a great deal about Anne's early life. Like, an almost SURPRISING amount, given that the majority of what we know of pirates comes from a combination of self-aggrandizing tales and A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious Pyrates (Cap. Charles Johnson). I'm trying to take a large number of my cues for Anne from history, especially since I'd like to write a novel about her. You know that idea we have of the wild and free child from modest origins with a fiery tongue and a penchant for mischief? It's quite literally Anne.

Anne was born from an affair between her relatively-well-to-do father and the family maid; this affair tore the family apart, prompting William Cormac's wife to leave him. He would never go on to marry her mother, but he did take a shining to the young girl, and arranged for her to live with him...as a boy. Which she did not identify as. Eventually the truth is discovered and William, Anne, and maid/mother Mary move to--get this!--Charleston, South Carolina. From fucking County Cork, Ireland.

After the move, Anne begins displaying a "fierce and courageous temper, which in this case can be directly translated to murdered another girl and also beat a suitor half to death when he tried to r*pe her. (We stan a violent queen.) She gained a reputation for galivanting around with the wrong sorts, if you catch my drift, but is ultimately only disowned when she marries a poor sailor, James Bonny.

(JB is a professional snitch who turns in pirates and takes bounties on doing so, btw.)

So the thing is, this wild child doesn't change her ways. She's still a violent galivanting free spirit taking randos to bed, including--you guessed it!--old Calico Jack himself. History says they fell in love and Anne ran off with him; one way or another, Anne Bonny winds up a crewman on The William. (Here's another fun fact: Stede's brilliant plan to fake his own death on OFMD may actually have been inspired by Anne, who reportedly mangled a dressmaker's mannequin, smeared it with fake blood, and stood above it wielding an axe to scare the French into an easy surrender.)

Now women, of course, aren't really "allowed" at sea, even in the context of piracy, so Anne would go on to do what a lot of badass bitches have to: forcible silencing of the opposition. In Anne's case, this was a knife to the heart of one such nay-sayer. "Allegedly." Anne goes on to live her life mostly unbothered as a woman onboard The William, serving as both wife and work-wife to Jack.

--As you can maybe imagine, I fuck with about 70% of that.

Sexuality and sexual liberation being what it was at the time, I sincerely doubt Anne experienced much of it, especially much by way of choice. For the purposes of this blog and maybe my novel, JB exaggerated his wife's affairs in order to further villainize her. I do think she met Jack and became a bit star-struck by him and followed him out to sea, and I think early on she may have loved him...but I think the cycle of men using and abusing her continued. Especially if she had half as many affairs as history accuses her of at the time, I really doubt Jack would've been interested in marrying her, but I don't doubt for a moment that he led her on. I don't think they ever actually "got married" so much as they acted in the capacity of husband and wife, sometimes sharing a bed, etc. I think Anne grew discontent with being treated as lower than Jack, as some novelty for him to show off, and I think she took that discontent out on anyone stupid enough to challenge her, including the crewmate she stabbed to death ("allegedly") and literally anyone who engaged The William and her crew.

I also think--and history finally starts agreeing with me here--that Anne didn't find happiness until she met Mary Read, whom history insists was a woman who was forced to dress up as a man but whom I very strongly feel was either gender-fluid or non-binary and just getting CIS-washed because they were less known than Bonny, who actually WAS forced to pretend to be a man for large chunks of her life. I have to admit that Str8 Historians really crack me the fuck up when they insist that Anne Bonny tried to "seduce" Mary (sure, Jan) and that Mary's response was "love to but can't, I also have boobies" before showing said boobies as proof, instead of, like...y'know, Mary being in a dangerous situation and having half an ally in this woman aboard a fucking pirate ship and being like "yo bish, me too!". (Mary, at their core, was a survivalist, having first been dressed as a boy when they were a child in order to keep money coming in for their family and later switching between both identities as it suited them.) So Anne and Mary strike up an affair so torrid, Jack gets jealous and goes to kill Mary for touching his wife...only to discover Mary has boobies and doing the Str8 thing of "oh lol, they're just gals bein' pals, kay."

For the sake of this blog--and, again, my maybe-novel--it was at this point in time that Jack Really Fucked Up. Threatening to kill Mary, aka the first real friend (and probable lover) that Anne had ever had, drove the wedge between them. Mary and Anne would abandon ship without Jack's blessing, going on the run together and being badass bitches.

With all that said and understood, the Anne on this blog is a broken woman who believes herself to be without an identity--a drifter, an outcast, a creature of anger and spite, and not one capable of loving or being loved outside of the choice few like Mary, and maybe not even by them. Sex was never consensual for Anne; like many women of her day, it was a duty to be borne, particularly when one was married and/or in love. She can't picture herself living a life of plenty because she can't even picture herself living a life of enough, seeing piracy as the only viable expression of who she really is.

Historically, Anne Bonny went down swinging. Jonathan Barnett, a loyal navyman of the British crown, attacked The William during one drunken night. Calico Jack Rackham was an absolute fuck who surrendered almost immediately upon being attacked and his men stayed down in the hold while the British boarded. His "WOMEN," meanwhile, were having none of that shit. Bonny, Read, and a crewman Read had taken on as a lover fought the British damned near single-handedly. At one point during the battle, Bonny famously called into the hold "If there’s a man among ye, ye’ll come up and fight like the man ye are to be!" Nobody came. Bonny fired once into the hold, killing a crewman. Ultimately, the battle was lost and the entirety of The William were taken ashore and executed for crimes against the crown. Rackham's last request was to see Anne one last time (she says to his face "If you had fought like a man, you need not have been hang’d like a dog," effectively ending that relationship), and ten days later Anne and Mary are granted a short pardon from fucking dying because they're both pregnant. They are, of course, hung shortly after delivering the babies.