#so i married an axe murderer imagine

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: In Which Izutsumi is Ace and also possibly a Time Lord

I heard that troll!Marcille is shredded. I heard she has an eight-pack.

(I can't believe that wasn't just the end of the chapter. I can't believe this wasn't the end of this book. What the fuck is going to happen in the NEXT chapter?!)

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omg, baby!Chilchuck! He once had hope in his eyes and joy in his heart!

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I just think he and Kabru should compare notes, by which I mean gossip.

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Laios: [explaining a new monster]

Marcille:

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Wait that's actually dodgy as fuck. Did they say something to her while Chlchuck was briefly in the bathroom or something? Threaten her?

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Marcille's imagine spot as Chilchuck's wife reminds me of that episode of Scrubs where each person imagines themselves married to Elliot. Amazing, no notes.

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Marcille's so valid tbh. He clearly lied before when he said he had only 1 daughter - he could easily be lying now, for all they know.

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....huh. Book 9 is the first book to have 6 chapters instead of 7. Story drama, or publication drama?

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this is sitcom-tier stuff. fantastic.

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Marcille: [dies and gets resurrected]

Marcille: :D :D :D I am going to study this! :D :D :D

(Marcille: So that nobody I love needs to ever die again. :) :) :) )

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She is, however, distinctly avoiding this question about her age.

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Izutsumi, confirmed for ace icon?!

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Izutsumi confirmed for ace icon!!

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Nooo babygirl! You have so much heart, it's just not exercised enough!

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<3 :3 <3

Also, Izutsumi also confirmed for Time Lord, I guess! (And her human half may be ace but her cat half is thinkin' about a big, good-looking panther ;3

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The very first image we see of Chilchuck's daughters is of a nightmare of them axe-murdered?! Geez louise.

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I don't even care if it's a demon or a god, I just laughed aloud so hard. Impeccable transition. I think the comedic timing in this comic might be getting better as it goes on.

Shoutout to Laios for being so weird that the succubus just had to kinda guess, "uhh only properly humanoid girl in the party?" for his greatest desire, until presumably it got close enough to pick up a more detailed impression.

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Hm. So, it's not lying...

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...nvm, now it probably is (lying).

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Oh yes this is a trap. A seduction.

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/giggling with delight - Oh my god, at the previous panel I was going to make a joke about Samwise the Great, Gardener of the World, ie the temptation vision the Ring gives Sam. But I guess I don't have to, we're just going there directly. What does pure power do to you, Laios?

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Wsdknsdvl even the Winged Lion is like, "but what about your judicial policy?" I love this comic sooo much.

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That's 'cuz you're a man.

[m0thergoose]

TOWL EPISODE 5 SPOILERS AHEAD MY RAMBLY THOUGHTS AS WATCHING THE EP

LOSING MY SHIT IT’S FATHER GABE MY MAN MY IDOL OMG

NOT how I expected this episode to start omg unWELL

I truly have no idea what to expect from this ep holy hell

Rick is passenger princess confirmed

The hand kiss 🫠

Honeymoon take 2 woopwoop

TASTEFUL NOODS SHUT UP

AND THE MUSIC SHUT UP

OTP on a scenic road trip I’m in love with this

Look at them looking lovingly at Carl

HE’S FINDING GIFTS FOR HIS SON

MAKING A GIFT FOR HIS WIFE 😭😭😭😭

MICHONNE GETTING RJ AN AX IM KILLING MYSELF

TOOTHPASTE FUCK OOOOOOFF

I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SON’S BEST FRIEND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDIDNG ME 😭😭😭

RICK KISSING HER NECK 🫠🫠🫠

they found a cabin, they on a real vacation now baby

I NEVER LET GO 🙌

New people I’m scared I don’t like it

Rick is really at Michonne’s beck and call ‘they look pretty hungry’ INSTANTLY drops his bag to find them food lmaoooo

OHHH DONT try this with Richonne you silly silly people

‘Well how bout you just listen��� 😂😂😂😂😂

That’s right Michonne you take your food back lmaoooo

Rick emptying the bullets into michonnes hand sooooorry I’m unwell

Keep your promise asshole 😂

Us against the world 💖

Toothpaste, booze, what are you up to grimes???? I’m just working with what I got - the necklace 💖 RICK LOVES HIS WIFE SO MUCH

RIGHT who is this now??? Is this GABE?

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK???? GABE AND JADIS????? IN CONTACT????? Noooooooooo I AM CONFUSION

GABE TALKING ABOUT RICK TO JADIS FUCK THIS

GABE IF TOU KNEW RIGHT NOW YOU’D KILL HER YOURSELF AMEN

FUUUUCKING HELL JADIS WAKING THEM UP, it’s like when Jesus walked in on them their first night lmaoooo but this is 1 million times worse!

Michonne looks so hot rn haha

I actually could give a flying fuck about Jadis, hurry up and kill her richonne lmao

YAAAS RICHONNE

OMG GABE ONE DAY RICK SAID THAT I SHOULD MARRY THEM 😭😭😭😭

And he’s kept a wedding ring for Rick actually shoot me rn

Gabe is a richonner confirmed 💖

Now I want Gabriel to be the one to kill Jadis because this is sick and twisted from her

HE GAVE HER RICKS RING GABRIEL YOU BETTA NOOOOT

okay so they’re gonna kill Jadis and as she’s dying she’ll hand him the ring

And next year same day same place it won’t be Jadis that meets Gabriel, it’ll be richonne

HERE we go fuck her up Michonne

Here Ricky dicky goes, fuck them walkers up

Jadis is scum these people better not help her

HAHAHHAHA Michonne just wants to kill this bitch ‘maybe just maim first’ yeah ok Ricky dicky 😂

THATS WHAT U GET FOR TRUSTING JADIS YOU DUMBASSES

UGH DONT KISS HER GABRIEL IF YOU ONLY KNEW

WHAT THE FUCK JADIS WHAT DID SHE DO TO GABRIEL

THIS BITCH SHOT HER MAN MICHONNE IS DEFO GOINGG TO GUT HER LMAOO

Omg

Michonne what you gonna do

Michonne has a plan yes

OMG ARE THEY SPLITTING UP TO SAVE EACH OTHER

‘You’ve looked better’ sassy Rick lol

I’m stilll hoping Michonne just fucking murders her

YEEEEES FUCK THIS BITCH

PAINFUL WALKER DEATH FUCK U JADIS

side note Rick looks v handsome rn

I’ll see you next year Ann - noooo you’ll see richonne next year gabey baby 🤞

‘We’re gonna do that’ ricks like sure whatever you want baby

THE RING KILL ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I don’t want a proposal in front of jadis save it for when you’re alone Ricky dicky

IS THIS A PROPOSAL RIGHT HERE IM CRYING

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

‘I could never have imagined this but it could only ever have been you’ 🥹🥹🥹🥹

SOMEBODY SEDATE ME 😭😭😭😭😭

THE PROMO ‘are we crazy’ ‘certifiable’ LMAOOOOOO

ALSO how the fuck are we wrapping this up in one more episode, we deserve MORE dammit

[yukidragon]

Hello Yukidragon, I've been following your headcanons and theories for a while, thanks to a friend I have a question and it's not about the game something's wrong with sunny day jack but about another game that will come out in the case the game, The Groom Of Gallagher Mansion .

The game will have another ghost as a love interest, but this time it's a ghost of a beheaded groom. and I would like to know if you also believe that the game will be like the movie Corpse Bride. and what is your theory about the plot of the game, do you think his death has anything to do with Elias' family jewels?

Ah yes, Elias Gallagher, the other super hot and tragic ghost male lead in the SnaccPop Studios roster. Kudos to Sauce for designing such an interesting character who instantly catches the eye with such a striking detail that tells so much of his story. Their artwork and ideas are really awesome.

Fun fact - apparently the game is going to be more of a supernatural romance story and not a yandere-themed game. This suggests that Elias is only going to be scary in appearance rather than because something is twisted up inside him.

Though I’m sure there’s going to be angst and horror elements. I mean... poor guy got his head chopped off, and on his wedding day no less!

While the story of the Groom of Gallagher Mansion has had a lot less teasers about the lore, as I recall, it was mentioned that he was murdered by his bride on his wedding day because she wanted the family jewels. Of course, this was mentioned before Elias went from being an interesting OC to the star of his own game, so I won’t be surprised if that changes in the story.

But man, if the teaser tidbits of the lore stay the same, can you imagine how that might have gone down? Elias, being a sickly guy finally had someone who wanted to marry him despite his health problems. He’s giddy, thinking he’s finally found true love. Maybe he’s so excited he has to take a seat, exhausted after their wedding, when suddenly the bride he was gushing over just swings an axe into him from behind while he’s not looking and takes his head clean off! Whoever his first bride was, they had major upper body strength. Look at just how clean that cut was.

Then again, they could have used piano wire and shoved Elias through it at top speed or maybe the family has a bunch of non-jewel treasures that include a guillotine, and the bride tricked him into showing her how it works. Who knows really.

I suspect the Groom of Gallagher Mansion is probably going to be a sweeter sort of game, with a lot of fan service and some macabre touches. A game that’s all about being romanced (and seduced) by a sweet ghost with a bit of an Adam’s Family spoopy vibe sounds really cool.

Of course, this is all wild speculation at this point. It’s way too early to be sure of much of anything, but I’m curious to see whatever direction the dev team has in mind for this spooky yet charming groom.

[cephalofrog]

lore contemplation about messmer and the crusade

I agree with a youtube video I saw that the crusade probably happened between the march of the tarnished/godfrey being exiled (since messmer knows what a tarnished is) and radagon leaving rennala (since rellana came on the crusade and rennala was lucid enough to give her the hair).

I have a vague theory/headcanon about messmer having been born in the land of shadow, just after marika ascended to godhood. idk how that would work with radagon though. radagon's state of existence is so confusing man like how is he both marika and also related to the fire giants somehow

interesting that messmer is technically a bastard (as in a kid born to a non-married pairing of a monarch). makes me think that would heap upon the reasons for people to dislike him even before the crusade

contemplating the general implied public hatred of messmer makes me sad but I also find it funny. like average people with strong opinions on god-queen marika's stinky nasty oldest kid. "did you know he hangs out with snakes? and uses fire magic? why's he even allowed to have grace? marika should disown him tbh. who even is his father?"

then people who meet him and aren't super devout to the golden order are like oh wait this guy's cool actually

the characterisation of the people who went on the crusade is interesting. you have the implicitly super brutal and cruel people (see: messmer soldier's axe), the super devout people who are all in on the killing everyone without the grace of gold thing (see: queelign), prisoners presumably forced to fight (see: messmer soldier's ashes), and the fire knights who seem to be devoted to messmer himself (see: fire knight's helmet).

considering that death in the land of shadow probably doesn't result in returning to the erdtree (remembrances are hewn into the scadutree, not the erdtree, which is stated to be opposed to the concept of order meaning that the whole honourable erdtree reincarnation thing probably doesn't happen) it kinda makes sense that these are the kinds of people that would end up going

so people who don't care about the golden order and just want to kill and hurt and burn stuff even if that means a dishonourable death

people who are so devout that even dying without grace following a leader who seems kinda dodgy under the erdtree is worth it to murder all these people and make the golden order happy (which explains why some people betrayed messmer upon finding out he was a bit too much of a snake)

(related: wonder if queelign would also betray messmer if he found out he was a snake? I can imagine it happening. or maybe he already knows since he is a fire knight and he's just cool with it)

prisoners who don't really get a choice in the matter (not the worst warcrime committed by messmer)

and people who aren't really dedicated to the golden order as much as they are just friends with messmer like 'well if you're gonna go do a crusade and genocide a bunch of people we'll come along but we will also insist on preserving their culture. also are you okay man? like seriously'

[bridgertonbabe]

(in regards to meddling violet au) I imagine Benedict either went to sad jelly legs mode after hearing Sophie is moving away to Scotland or that he was packing his bags to follow her 🤭

It started with option A and eventually led to option B.

When he had arrived at the house one morning, searching about for any signs of Sophie in the hopes he could pull her into a cupboard to ravish her neck with kisses, he stumbled across a very unhappy Hyacinth. Upon asking her what had got her so down she gloomily informed him that their mother had sent Sophie up to Scotland to work in Kilmartin without any word of discussion or even allowing Hyacinth to say goodbye to her lady's maid. Benedict had to ask her repeat herself, just to make sure he had heard everything correctly and after it was reiterated to him Benedict fled the house and out into the garden where he proceeded to throw up. He suffered a panic attack and spent the rest of the day on the swing in the garden with his head in his hands as he desperately tried to come up with some plausible explanation he could give to his mother and Anthony as to why he wanted to move to Scotland all of a sudden.

After he confronted his mother along with all of his siblings, he mulled it over and decided he wouldn't even tell anyone of his plans to up and leave for Scotland; he'd simply write them a letter with some fabricated excuse once he got there. However prior to his departure when he was having tea with his mother and sisters, Violet asked Francesca if she would let her know how things work out between Sophie and John, causing Benedict to freeze up altogether. He listens in horror as his mother begins divulging to the group how there were openings in Kilmartin for both a lady's maid and a butler and that she knew Sophie preferred to work in rural surroundings and that John was looking for a promotion from footman, as well as the fact that she knew the young man had always had a fancy for Sophie (which was a lie - Violet was sure she had once spied the footman emerging from the stables after a liasion with one of the groomsmen) and thought perhaps they'd bond in their new household and go on to marry and make each other happy - at which point Benedict bursts into tears. Violet asks her daughters to give her and her son a moment and once they're gone Benedict pours his heart out to his mother, how he's in love with Sophie and that he had been planning to move to Scotland just to be close to her; at which point Violet snaps at him to stop being so stupid and simply make Sophie his wife.

"But won't it cause a scandal, mother? Marrying a woman below my station-"

"Oh, Benedict; what does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I wouldn't care if she were an axe murderer; so long as she makes you happy, that's all that matters. Now for the love of god; go get your girl, marry her, and give me grandchildren!"

[fumblingmusings]

Oooh ooh. Heres a topic i wish to hear your hcs on

What would have been Evelyn's overall thoughts and life like during Henry VIII rule, mainly how he treated his wives

Would it affect her in any way, would she try to help the queens, would she be a victim to one of his beheadings? Just wish more people talked ab England during Henry's reign

~Izzy

I think the whiplash of going from Henry VII who's primary advisors were his mother and his wife to Henry VIII who treated his sisters like dirt, discarded his daughters when their mother's became political liabilities, and of course, you know, murdered his wives, is kind of hard to overstate. Maybe not much changed on a societal level, but having a leader who trusts women's judgement versus one who actively shuns them is still important.

Evelyn has always been a little more content with working in the background. She doesn’t like brash and loud. Subtlety is always the goal. Subtlety does not work on Henry VIII. His reign is really split into halves. The first twenty years are typical for a monarch of that era - well learned men in dick measuring contests. Evelyn is used to that with her Kings, so she can occasionally talk him down or play to his ego. She is juggling two very tenacious people though. I always imagine when Henry was off battling in France and Catherine wins the Battle of Flodden Field and kills the Scottish King, Evelyn was with the Queen instead of King kind of just going whoops at Alasdair across the battlefield. There was apparently a debate where Catherine had to be talked down from sending Henry the head of King James. They went with the blood stained coat instead. How nice.

But the second half, the Great Matter, is where I think where she just totally looses any pretence of influence over him. She herself is still a teenager at this point, and Henry is such a prat (understatement). And she can't do much but watch when the dissolution of the abbeys happen, when the enclosure of public land really kicks off, when things like the Pilgramage of Grace happens. She can do what Jane Seymour did and beg for him to forgive those men, and Henry can say exactly what he said to Jane: don't meddle and if you ever think of it again remember what happened to the late Queen. Maybe Evelyn snorts at the thought. Maybe Henry holds her to it.

Maybe she says 'Fine. Watch me influence your forgotten daughter.' and Edward is beyond help, a little puritan extremist. Mary enjoys her misery. Elizabeth loves languages (she speaks Cornish for goodness sake), dancing and cards and music and is snooty and indecisive and has a dreadful temper and can be a bit mercurial and huh. Wonder where she picked all that up from. :|

Honestly it really isn't a surprise when Elizabeth announces that she's married to England.

I think Evelyn would work best networking behind the scenes. She sends men in the Tower following the failed Pilgrimage of Grace blankets and food; she paid for gunpowder to be put around Anne Askew's neck so when she was burned her death would be quicker; she did as much as she could to influence Henry's kids to various degrees of success. She goes to Anne Boleyn and Bishop Gardiner and Thomas More and Thomas Cromwell and Catherine Howard's executions, trying to be a reassuring presence for each of them. You do not deserve to die she whispers as the axe falls.

I think during this time is when she would start to spend less and less time in London in Court. Instead retreating further and further back into the country. Maybe with Elizabeth's early reign she comes back, but by the end she is firmly planted outside the capital. Nothing good ever happens in St James'.

[eclogues]

more season 6 riverdale notes

- tabitha gives tears of virgin mary to the devil

- veronica's "marry the night" performance

- baby anthony was taken by a cursed wench summoned by the mother of the kid toni killed, and to save him, toni becomes to new cursed wench and disappears into sweetwater river

- betty meeting with the trash bag killer in custody but it turns out that wasn't even real she imagined it?

- veronica gives up 1 soul a week to the devil in order to save her boutique casino and tricks reggie into signing away his soul

- tori smashing jughead's typewriter

- rivervale is "the final battle ground between good and evil"

- the rivervale opening just being one singular scream and rivervale in a red glowing font

- thornhill mrs dalloway????????

- betty wasn't actually pregnant btw she just had pregnancy hysteria

- victorian lesbian choni

- cheryl is an astronomy teacher for her pagan girl cult

- nana blossom is dying⁉️

- cheryl pronounces the h in herbs

- victorian cheryl's brother is serving in WW1

- cheryl: "i have no need for women with husbands"

- Bailey's Comet

- cold war rivervale

- 60s cheryl ("poppy") comes out as a communist DURING the cold war

- WHY is betty always infertile.

- 60s communist cheryl giving birth control to 60s betty who is in an unhappy marriage with a catholic

- BETTY AND CHERYL 60S KISS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

- CHERYL AND TONI LATE 19TH CENTURY KISS ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

- 60s veronica complaining about vanilla sex in her marriage so cheryl gives her an aphrodisiac

- 60s homophobic jughead

- 60s cheryl just got arrested for being a lesbian communist 🥲

- WW1 fang is a warlock

- 60s betty is pregnant‼️

- 60s cheryl delivering betty's catholic baby

- WW1 CHERYL MURDERS WARLOCK FANGS WITH AN AXE TO BE A LESBIAN

- bailey's comet passes by as warlock Fangs curses ww1 cheryl to a life unloved and alone and then he dies

- 60s cheryl being on indefinite house arrest FOR BEING a communist lesbian

- 60s betty kills catholic jughead with cheryl's garden herbs‼️

- sabrina the teenage witch cameo

[hareofhrair]

I love and respect this post and what it's trying to do, but also this is entirely the wrong way to handle these kind of bad-faith questions about fairy tales.

Why did he try to find her based on her shoe size? Because it's a fairy tale. It's a funny and unusual contrivance to make the story interesting. Because "he got her name and address at the party and then everyone lived happily ever after" is boring.

Why did they want to get married after one night? Because it's a Fairy Tale. Instant true love is an extremely well established trope which allows the storyteller to compress romance into the smaller time frame required by the plot. Because "after meeting at the party they dated for about two years before the subject of marriage was broached and they agreed the relationship was in a good place for it" is boring.

Why didn't the stepmother recognize her? Why didn't she save herself? Why didn't the fairy godmother just wave her magic wand and fix everything? BECAUSE IT'S A FAIRY TALE. AND THAT WOULD BE BORING.

I'm not saying those kind of story beats are always boring in any circumstances, but in the context of a fairy tale they're absurd and actively detrimental to what the story is trying to achieve. A story about a girl who leaves her abusive family, meets a nice guy with no complications and dates him for a reasonable amount of time could be perfectly nice as a contemporary romance novel, but it would be a GARBAGE fairy tale. Can you imagine curling up in front of the fire on a cold winter night and entertaining your family with the story of how Cinderella moved out of her step mother's house and got a little apartment in town and met a nice guy and after a while got married? Or how she made a wish and then a fairy solved all her problems immediately the end? Or how she murdered her entire abusive family with an axe and then fled the country? Wait scratch that last one, that would rule. Not a fairy tale though.

You're criticizing the fairy tale. For being a fairy tale.

I don't doubt that there are people out there who would watch Star Wars and then complain that the Force doesn't make sense and why didn't Yoda just stop the Empire if he's so strong? Or watch Die Hard and declare Gruber's plan is completely stupid and why didn't the cops listen to John when he obviously knew what was going on? Or watch a Godzilla movie and gripe about how radiation doesn't work that way and why does anyone live by the coast anymore once they know Godzilla exists? But I think we'd all recognize those people are Joyless Chuds who are Missing The Point. For some reason, we only seem to indulge this pedantic bad faith bullshit as though it's legitimate when it's pointed at fairy tales.

Fairy tales don't need to be explained, they don't need to make sense in the real world. They have their own internal logic based on symbolism, tradition, and what makes an entertaining and easy to remember story that anyone who hears it can easily retell to amuse people when TV and the internet are not an option.

This shit is why the live action Beauty and the Beast remake was so rancid, yall.

After watching Cinderella (the original animated movie, which was my favorite as a child), it strikes me how it solves many common problems people have with this fairy tale. Like:

Why did they try to identify the mystery girl using her shoe size? Because the bullheaded king's only clue to her identity was the shoe the Grand Duke picked up off the steps.

Why didn't the prince recognize her by her face? Because his father wouldn't involve him in the process at all, and wasn't the one going around trying to find her.

Why did the prince want to marry a lady he only met that night? Because his father was going to force him to marry someone, and he genuinely liked this woman.

Why did Cinderella want to marry a man she only met that night? Because marriage was her best and most secure way to freedom. Fucked up, but you can't say it's unrealistic for the setting of a fairy tale. She also genuinely liked him.

If they're using the slipper to find her, wouldn't it be more sensible to search for the person with the other slipper? Yes. The King is purposefully nonsensical and the Duke is purposefully terrified enough of him to carry out his orders to the letter. Furthermore, they end up doing that in the end anyway, because the Duke's glass slipper is shattered, and Cinderella brings out the one she has to prove her identity.

Why didn't the stepmother and stepsisters recognize Cinderella at the ball? Because they were dancing too far away, and then left the party to dance in private, which was possible because the King wanted very badly for his son to hit it off with someone and tried to arrange the best conditions for that to happen.

Why didn't Cinderella save herself? Because in real life, abuse victims should not have to shoulder that responsibility, and usually can't. In real life, you need and deserve an external support system. Asking for help, in this kind of situation, is very important. She is saved by others because she is loved. Because she is not alone. Because she has friends who love her, and want her to be happy and safe and free. Because in real life, people who want to help someone who is suffering are like the mice. We can't pull out miracle solutions, but we can provide companionship and if we're in the right place at the right time, we can help the person find a better life.

Why didn't the fairy godmother save Cinderella from her abusive household, or try to help her sooner? Because she's magic, and magic can't solve your problems. Quote: "Like all dreams, well, I'm afraid it can't last forever." This (and Cinderella's dream of going to the ball) is a metaphor for pleasurable things in bad circumstances. An ice cream won't get rid of your depression, but it will provide you with momentary happiness to bolster you, as well as the reminder that happiness in general is still possible for you. Cinderella doesn't want to go to the ball so she can get away from her stepmother and stepsisters, or so she can meet someone to marry and leave with. She wants to go to the ball to remind herself that she can still have things she wants. That her desires matter. This is important because the movie does a very good job of illustrating Lady Tremaine's subtle abuse tactics, all of which invisibly press the message that Cinderella doesn't matter. While going to the ball and fulfilling her dreams may not be a victory in the material sense, it is still a victory against Lady Tremaine's efforts.

Why is Cinderella's choice to be kind and obedient framed as a good thing, when you are not obligated to be kind to your abuser? This one walks a very fine line, but I think the movie still makes it make sense. Lady Tremaine never acknowledges her cruelty. She always frames her punishments of Cinderella as Cinderella's fault. Cinderella is interrupting, Cinderella is shirking her duties, Cinderella is playing vicious practical jokes. Cinderella is still a member of the family, of course she can go to the ball, provided she meet these impossible conditions. Lady Tremaine's tactics are designed to make Cinderella feel like she must always be in the wrong and her stepmother must always be in the right. If Cinderella calls her stepmother out on her cruelty, or attempts to fight back, Lady Tremaine can frame that as Cinderella being ungrateful, cruel, broken, evil, etc. If Cinderella responds to her stepmother's cruelty defiantly (in the way she's justified to), she's not taking control out of Lady Tremaine's hands. Disobedience can be spun back into her stepmother's control. She wants Cinderella to be angry and sad and show how much she's hurting. So since Cinderella is adapting to her situation, she chooses to be kind. Not only because she naturally wants to be and it's part of her personality, but because it is a form of defiance in its own way, and it allows her to keep a reminder of her agency and value. Her choice to be kind is her chance to keep her own narrative alive: she is not obeying because her stepmother wants her to and she has to do what her stepmother does, but because she wants to. It's a small distinction, but one that makes all the difference in terms of keeping her hope and identity. (Fuck, I wrote a whole paragraph about how this doesn't mean you can't be angry at people who hurt you or that you need to be kind to deserve help, and then deleted it by accident. Uh. Try again.) Expressing anger and pain is an important part of regaining autonomy and healing. Although it is commendable to be kind while you are suffering, it is NOT required for you to get help or be worthy of help. If Cinderella's recovery was explored beyond "happily ever after" she would need to let herself be angry and sad to heal. Cinderella is not only kind because it comes naturally to her, but because it's her defense against the abuse she's suffering. Everyone's story and experiences are different, and one does not invalidate the other.

Bonus round for answers that aren't part of the movie:

Why didn't Cinderella run away? Where would she go? Genuinely, in hundreds-of-years-ago France, where would she go if she snuck out of the window with a change of clothes? With her step-family, she's miserable and abused, but she's fed, clothed, and in no danger of dying or being taken advantage of by anyone other than her stepmother and stepsisters. Even if she escapes and manages to find financial security, her stepmother might be able to find her and get her back.

Why didn't Cinderella burn the house down with them inside it/slit their throats in the night/poison their food/etc.? Because that's a revenge fantasy, and this story is a fantasy about being saved. There's nothing wrong with making Cinderella into a revenge fantasy. That's perfectly fine, as long as you acknowledge that the other type of fantasy is also a valid interpretation. (I mean, the original fairy tale features the stepsisters getting their feet mutilated and all three of them getting their eyes pecked out, so go for it.)

Why isn't Cinderella more proactive in general? Because she's a child who has been abused for the back half of her life, who has had to be focused on survival because. you know. she's an abused kid.

How did she dance in glass slippers? Gotta agree with you there man, that's weird.

[kindtobechurlish]

The civil war got so bad, Old Bed said anyone who wanted to continue the war should be thrown in a mental asylum, immediately. Joe Biden sees this, and he doesn’t care about my God and what Marxism does, how it separates family by means of bourgeois, he says Old Bed saw so much violence and changed his sentiment in the government making him do so - and he (Joe) has seen that white race and it’s a new time. He is all for two blacks getting married, a white and a black, and two brutes. That Kike lives and he is just giving me his signs like a bitch, while I am openly condemning that Kike just for an asshole to put a woman in my way. What is his hate? His hate is a beast that must be fed, and not a fire that needs to be quenched!

Now, because of Old Bed I am against a woman being abused, there was a negro who was fond of abusing and beating his wife, Devil Forrest heard about it and told the negro, “your days of beating your wife are over”, and the negro told Old Bed no one was going to stop him from beating his wife, after Old Bed went in his cabin, the negro grabbed a knife and charged at Old Bed, and Old Bed got an ax and hit him in the head. Old Bed was tried for murder, but he was claimed as innocent due to self-defense. Now, you see it, Joe Biden passing executive order doesn’t make me stop thinking about abusing a woman if she doesn’t “act right”, but rather a war general who essentially committed treason does so because he is for my enfranchisement. Joe Biden blames Old Bed words after war on war, and I say, “what of it?”

Do you understand? Someone is not telling anyone anything, instead they say, “don’t do that.” Who wants to imagine Old Bed saying, “your days of beating your wife are over?” Now you understand moral, I don’t need “terror” to understand this.. I’m not saying, “stupid niggers”, but rather I look for the information just to see corpulent politicians and sedentary bourgeois. Jews? Go figure

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Charlie MacKenzie

(Not my gif)(Requested by @jotaro-spengler​)

(Sorry this post took so long. I literally changed the entire meeting story last minute because I’m an indecisive perfectionist so it took a lot longer to write than expected. Hope you enjoy!)

- You and Charlie getting together was really all Tony’s fault. He just had to go and mention you: shine the spotlight in Charlies mind right on you and say look here you fool, a beautiful woman who you already care about and who already cares about you.

- That wasn’t really how it happened of course. All Tony had actually done was say something along the lines of “now take a look at my sister-”, using you as an example in some scenario he came up with rather than giving his friend a recommendation. 

- But, in Charlie’s half listening mind, all he heard was “take a look at my sister” and take a look he did. 

- You were a little younger; which tended to be the case when it came to younger sisters of friends that were his age, and you were pretty. You had a nice personality, you thought he was funny on occasion, and you weren’t a total stranger who he could easily find a flaw; that he didn’t already know about, in. 

- Why not give it a shot? Worst case scenario, you say no or he breaks your heart and loses his best friend in the future. But hey, it was Tony’s idea to begin with, right?

- So he visits you at work, making small talk; as per usual since this was a fairly normal occurrence for the two of you, before trying to ask you out as casually as he could. 

- Initially, you think that you’ve misunderstood him or that he’s misspoken, then you think that he joking, …and then you just think he’s gone crazy. You quite literally ask him if he’s feeling alright because it’s so out of the blue and unexpected.

- But, once you come to terms with the fact that this is a legitimate request, …you agree. 

- I mean, it’s not like the idea never popped into your head. You’ve known the guy since middle school: of course you’d considered it; though you’d never imagined that it would actually come to fruition. 

- Nevertheless, here you were, giving each other somewhat awkward smiles and arranging a time and place. 

- Your first date is initially going to be just a regular dinner at some diner down the street that the two of you; and your brother, often frequented but you quickly find that it just feels wrong to go there: like the two of you are still just two friends. 

- So you scratch that idea and find yourselves wandering around town, buying some food from a street vendor and taking in the atmosphere of the night. What started out as a; frankly, uncomfortable first date ends up turning into one of the best you’ve ever had.

- It’s no surprise that the two of you get along. The question is whether or not you fit as a couple so; regardless of whether or not you’d normally do it, you decide to have your first kiss before the night is over to test out the romantic chemistry between you. 

- It may not be the most romantic first kiss in the world; considering the fact that you literally both talk about and agree to it like it’s some sort of business deal or logical course of action, but you enjoy it nonetheless and it gives the two of you some clarity. 

- He likes you and you like him and the two of you are happy together. You just hope that it lasts....

- Charlie really doesn’t care about what other people think, in fact, he sort of likes to bother and gross people out so he never minds engaging in a bit of pda. If he feels like kissing the hell out of you, he’s gonna do it; regardless of whether or not there’s people around. 

- Interlocked arms or holding onto his arm as the two of you walk together. He likes having you close to him so literally securing you to his side by your arm is a helpful form of affection. 

- Handholding. He’ll usually swing your arms back and forth whenever you do. 

- Cheek kisses. He’s a fan of both giving and receiving them so it definitely goes both ways. 

- Excited, feverish, and passionate kisses. You tend to just lay one on each other at random; oftentimes catching the other person a little off-guard, so these types of kisses are pretty common in your relationship. 

- Kissing in the rain; sometimes with him kicking his leg up in the air behind him. 

- He tends to just call you by your given name; or a teasing nickname on occasion. He finds that using pet names just aren’t his thing and that a lot of them cause him to roll his eyes more than anything else. 

- The two of you really don’t have a “usual” cuddling position since you tend to just do whatever feels right or makes the most sense. Some days you cuddle with your head on his arm, other days he’s the big spoon, and sometimes you’re the big spoon. 

- Back scratches and shoulder kisses. 

- Taking baths together. 

- You know the meme about the person getting into their partners shower fully clothed so that they can ask them a question? That’s the type of shit that he does constantly. Sometimes you just have to sit back and consider the fact that you may be dating either an idiot or a crazy person. 

- Getting his help when you’re trying to pick out your outfits. 

- Going to his open mic nights. 

-  Having poems written about you. …They’re pretty bad....

- If you're dating Charlie, you have to stop caring about how other people view you because there’s no way you’re not going to do; at least a few, ridiculous things out in public together. The two of you are constantly doing dumb shit so just try to ignore any judgmental looks you may or may not receive. 

- Chasing each other around and playing other childish games. 

- Frolicking and dancing like children of the night~

- Double dates with Tony and his girlfriends. 

- Diner dates. 

- Wandering around the city together. 

- Buying from different street vendors and food trucks. 

- Cruising around town with his top down and the radio turned to your favorite station. 

- Sitting out on his roof with him. 

- He loves seeing you smile so expect a lot of dumb jokes and comments that are meant to make you laugh. 

- Teasing each other. You like to call him “nice” just to mess with him. 

- Convincing him to do different things with you. You know that it wasn’t his idea to go on that Alcatraz tour with Tony so it’s safe to say that he can be persuaded into accompanying you just about anywhere. 

- Taking different classes together; though you probably shouldn’t take him to those sorts of things …for the sake of your teachers sanity. 

- Getting visited at work. He’ll always insist that he was “in the neighborhood” but he absolutely was not and totally drove all the way over just to see you. 

- Speaking of work: he would definitely offer to help you with whatever task you had to do just to ease your workload and spend more time with you. It would also probably get him into the good graces of your boss so the man/woman would be a lot more lenient with him hanging around. 

- Finding your own ways to quiet his rambling. He tends to just keep talking whenever he’s nervous or feeling shy so you’ll have to learn the best way to quiet him whenever he gets like that; which usually means you’ll be kissing him or saying something he wants to hear. 

- Telling each other stories. His are usually exaggerated to an outrageous degree but you never really mind; it’s sort of more amusing to see where his brain takes him than to just listen to a normal story.   

- Family get togethers. You’ll usually sit in the kitchen with him and his mother while Tony and his father watch some sports game in the living room. 

- Interesting interactions with his family; namely his father. The man’s a little hard to get along with but he’s certainly entertaining. 

- He'll always check on you before leaving you alone, making sure you’re okay before he ditches you to do something; even if it’s just using the rest room for a minute. 

- Him getting advice from Tony. Regardless of whether or not you want to picture yourself as the mans sister, he’s going to be your best ally when it comes to surviving your relationship; so you might want to get on his good side if you weren't already.

-  Having to get through his sabotage stage. 

- Charlie tends to get scared and break up with people when things are getting too serious so don’t be surprised if; or when, it happens to you. The good thing is that, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come to his senses and dedicate himself towards getting you back; usually with some big cute gesture. 

- Just not feeling like yourself? No problem! He’ll be completely understanding and accept that you just aren’t happy; all while doing whatever he can to put a little pep in your step. 

- He’s not an incredibly jealous person but he is cautious. He’ll never refuse to let you hang out with someone or do something but he will keep an eye on your relationships with other guys. Not because he doesn’t trust you but because he doesn’t want you winding up in an awkward position because you couldn’t see the red flags of encroaching romance. 

- He’s somewhat protective of you; oftentimes sticking out his own neck to save yours. Although he’ll usually; awkwardly, try to settle things in a peaceful manner after an aggressive outburst at someone or something; usually because he only then realizes how big and threatening they are. 

- The two of you fake fight every now and again but real fights only happen once in a blue moon. You get along incredibly well so it isn’t often that you can’t settle things in a peaceful manner; especially since he approaches you very calmly whenever he has a problem. 

- Because most of his issues with you are reasonable, fights usually end before they even begin. But if they don’t and you wind up having a legitimate argument or fight, he’s always willing to apologize; especially since he’ll feel extremely guilty for upsetting you. 

- He mainly shows you that he loves you but he definitely isn’t opposed to saying the actual words. 

- As afraid of marriage as he normally is, he actually proposes to you pretty quickly. I guess when you know you know? 

[devilsskettle]

in jennifer’s body, jennifer and needy are clear foils and doubles for the other — or really they start the story as opposites and through their shared experiences of violence become more similar as the story progresses. jennifer starts out as the victim, being sacrificed by the satanic boy band in a way that is reflective of sexual violence, and comes back as a monster who inflicts violence on boys in a way that also utilizes her sexuality. needy spends most of the movie as a bystander, only witnessing the events of the movie with no way to stop them, until she finally has to confront jennifer. she kills jennifer and then breaks out of prison to hunt down the boy band — she’s the one who ultimately turns the tables on both predatory forces in her life. like jennifer, she didn’t die when she was supposed to and now has demon powers herself; she’s still herself, but becoming one of jennifer’s victims made her more like jennifer than how we see her in the rest of the movie. it’s this wheel of fortune type narrative between the band, jennifer, and needy, where as soon as you think you’re winning, your luck changes again. you can go from monster to victim or vice versa with no warning

lisa frankenstein shares a similar framework with lisa and taffy, where by the end of the story, taffy is now in the same role that lisa was in at the beginning of the story. you certainly can’t imagine her saying “everything turned out nice” about this series of events now that the shoe is on the other foot — her mother dead, having to visit the graveyard, wearing lisa’s rosary, now the only witness/bystander of the story. meanwhile, lisa starts out in this “bystander” role where she witnesses her mother’s murder; through the main events of the story, she takes on the role of the killer, wielding the axe (as i’ve seen some people point out already, she sort of reclaims it as a weapon for her own use) but also becoming the “bride of frankenstein” character in the story (the original axe murderer wore a bride of frankenstein mask -> she “marries” the creature and by the time she is resurrected resembles the bride when she is first introduced in the movie, with all the bandages etc) and of course she is never officially caught for her crimes like the original killer. her participation in the murders (and dismemberments) is what traumatizes taffy in the same way that she was traumatized. however, in taking responsibility for the pain she caused, lisa steps out of the “killer” role in death, role-reversing with the creature. the creature and lisa are also doubles throughout the film — she immediately sees them as the same (ex: when she tells him that the college radio station is for “people like us, with feelings” which is the first time we see her align herself with anyone in the film, where everyone else clearly sees her as Other). but their arcs are opposite of each other, where the creature is resurrected -> joins lisa in the murders etc -> ends the story as the one who resurrects and takes care of lisa like she took care of him.

so in comparison to jennifer’s body, i think we see the process of these role reversals happen more gradually, but to the same effect that the characters are all playing musical chairs when it comes to where they are positioned in these cycles of violence. it’s also kind of interesting to see how this plays out with romantic interests as well; in jennifer’s body, jennifer goes after any boy that needy even remotely has an interest in (chip obviously but also colin), and in lisa frankenstein, although taffy is less malicious about it, she sleeps with the guy who she knows lisa likes and who probably wasn’t even on her radar until lisa mentioned him. so a lot of these relationships are fraught and also subject to this game of musical chairs where boundaries are being crossed in terms of who’s with who and how these relationships are defined. but also in terms of power dynamics, we see a lot of reversals as well; jennifer turning the tables on stereotypically sexually predatory young men (framing sex as a consumptive, objectifying act, she literally consumes them before they can consume her — even characters we don’t see as predatory like colin who ends up being subject to this cat-and-mouse game of sexuality that jennifer functions in); lisa doing the same to the guy who assaults her at the party literally cutting off the offending limb in a way that i would say is suggestive of castration if there weren’t a literal castration to compare it to lol, but also her and the creature turning the tables on her stepmother who weaponizes her parental power and victim complex to antagonize her and subject her to the institutional violence of….. well, being institutionalized. so in both cases we see these socially acceptable, implicit forms of violence being responded to with actual explicit physical violence. and i think that’s what has made jennifer’s body so embraced as a feminist cult classic and i’ve seen people respond to lisa frankenstein the same way since it has come out — because it’s the recognition that young women are frequently subjected to violence and we want some kind of way to respond in kind

AND it’s also interesting to see how these characters have to go through this life -> death -> rebirth cycle to wield this kind of power. obviously jennifer literally dies as a victim and returns as the monster, but needy “dies” when she kills jennifer and is sent to jail and is “reborn” when she discovers her powers and breaks out of jail to get revenge. lisa has both a literal and metaphorical death/rebirth cycle — the first “death” being witnessing her mother’s death (+ her post traumatic mutism, “wandering around like a corpse” by taffy’s description) and finding new life when she resurrects the creature (telling him she hasn’t talked that much since before her mother’s death, finding her own style, being empowered to stand up for herself…. through violence ofc), the second being her actual literal death and rebirth in which she is able to escape her old life and presumably live on her own terms now. in both stories it’s clear that female deviance and female retaliation to violence will be punished by society, and the only way to escape that is to escape from society, which is a means of both rejecting and embracing life — acknowledging that the cost of female empowerment is social ostracism. especially when simply existing as a young woman inconveniently also results in ostracism (see: both lisa and taffy as soon as they express any emotion that isn’t nice and happy)

in a way, lisa gets to be both jennifer and needy — she goes to too much of an extreme, like jennifer, hurting people that she cares about unintentionally, and has to face the consequences of her actions, but she also gets to escape, like needy. but her ending is more hopeful than either of theirs and i think since this film is something of a follow up to jennifer’s body, it’s kind of nice that they were like okay so a lot of young women really enjoyed this revenge fantasy, what if she gets away with it this time? and i appreciate that. anyway that’s it

who wants to talk about how jennifer’s body and lisa frankenstein both set up the narrative roles of monster/victim/bystander and the arcs of the characters in the story are about stepping into each of these roles at different points in their experience with violence, as if they are trapped in a cycle that self-perpetuates

[black-dhalias]

Imagine Scenarios Ideas

These imagines are scenarios that Id like to write for, but I’m not sure there’s a demand. These ideas are of my own creation, so I would prefer it if they weren’t taken without asking.

{Can Request}

Ahkmenrah X GN!Reader • You were Ahkmenrah’s promised bride, and accidentally die before the wedding (hint hint : not really an accident). But through a ritual, a priest is able to keep your soul from passing and return it to your body. However, the price is that you will always reincarnate. You are forced to marry Kamunrah after Ahkmenrah dies, and after finding out Ahkmenrah was murdered by the same priest who saved you. You take your own life. However, after centuries of reincarnation—you reunite with Ahkmenrah at the musuem. Despite your doubt, he is able to convince you that it is him.

Sam Uley X Demigod!Reader • Sam had figured he wasn’t going to get an imprint pretty soon after half his pack had imprinted. He nearly expected you to never exist at all, or exist in another world entirely. What he didn’t know is that you were at Camp Half Blood you’re whole life—a daughter of Hephaestus, a fire bender and hero extraordinaire. But that life appealed less to you now, so you moved back home with your mom. To Forks, Washington. You found out about the Cullens pretty quick, almost as fast as they figured you out. So imagine the wolves surprise when you show up at the Newborn training session. Sam imprints and protectively asks Edward why you’re there? “How many of you have fought in a war before?” No answer. You spark flames on your fingers and smile a little, “Brilliant.”

Lord Milori X F!Reader • Milori had figured he was pretty much useless to Pixie Hollow after his wing broke. Useless to the winter fairies, to his season and home. What goes around comes around—because he meets another fairy with a broken wing, but he learns what they went through. The struggle that came with being flightless—how they learned to function and serve. You were a fast flying fairy, that couldn’t fly. However, your ability to manipulate the winds didn’t change and is incredibly useful for creating wintery winds. Life moves on, and slowly, Milori begins to too. That’s when you show him flight can be attained, you just have to make a friend first.

Young!Charles Xavier X GN!Reader • You are Charles long term partner, his most trusted confident in the whole world. You support his dreams, and he supports your adventures. The interesting thing about the two of you is how opposite you are—while his mutation is primarily mental, your mutation is purely physical. You can take any amount of hits and take no damage, but as you absorb that momentum—you’re able to reroute it to your attacker. You think it’s some sort of force shield, and you’re able to manipulate it to do damage too. It makes you useful in situations, where they’re trying to break in or out of somewhere. However, after you’ve put together the first class— while all hanging out, the others make a comment about it. How opposite you are from each other.

Aemond Targaryen X Velaryon!Mixed!Reader • You are ax in your parents agreement, the only trueborn to come from their marriage. A 2nd born girl set to inherit no more than a name and a husband. When Cregan Stark approaches as a suitor, you are pushed into a whirlwind of jealousy and resentment… “To the sibling of the bastards, and daughter of the whore—may the North be as cold as she is.”

Castiel X Shadowhunter!F!Reader • You were Castiel’s mortal lover for a period of time before Dean and Sam. He had a different vessel at that point. However, when you were prepared to run away from the shadow hunter life. You fell in love with him, but as a Lightwood, nothing is simple when it comes to love. So he is forced to leave you wondering. You grew bitter and trained harder, it drained you of life faster than anything else. You became good. You and Alec trained together, and you worked with Clary—you ended up becoming her parabatai. You got caught though, because others slipped up. At the same time, Castiel needs some extra support on a case with Sam and Dean—and so begins the road to a reunion.

[ben-the-hyena]

So I heard that until 2006 and its new lore that old black widow was NOT meant to be Constance but a different person. Which explains why she and the ghost and pictures don't look alike at all and why her husband named George (but then NOT George Hightower but apparently "George Gracey") seems to have died from different means than Constance's (hatchet in the head VS beheaded) And it comforts me a lot because it always bugged me and I also never liked that canon (which we are free to ignore for how many canons that franchise has ; I love that franchise and how we can just do that) that George Hightower then Constance were the owners of the Haunted Mansion after Graceys died out until she died of old age herself, especially with how her ghost looks young and to me she can't have Mélanie's excuse to have remained a youthful hopeful soul like her

Since I always much preferred the idea of the mansion belonging to the Graceys til the end and that I always preferred the attic before 2006 anyway, I'm going to HC Abigail and Constance are indeed 2 different black widow women. But since I also headcanon Constance is a Gracey (and Hatchaway is her unknown 6th husband's last who killed her ik self defense in my HC), sister of the Ghost Host and Master Gracey and Abigail is apparently Master Gracey's mother, this means she also is Constance's and the Ghost Host's in my continuity... which is GENIUS since it means not only he and Constance loving axes a bit too much thus would come from her (and I did headcanon their mother side was rich from an axe making and selling business so it fits ! I had a different last name though) but also that Constance being a black widow herself might have been from mom's influence who perhaps even taught her the truth about their father and how to do it and she marrying and murdering another George was just a coincidence or even an Oedipus complex projection she happily joined in if George Gracey was like I already imagined not the best dad !

[lilacnothlit]

I read an awful lot of xenofiction, of various degrees of obscurity, most of which don't have a lot of fanfic to their name. Thoughts:

- The Plague Dogs. Book's about two dogs who escape from a medical testing lab in Lake Country and join up with a Geordie fox to become wild animals and kill sheep to live. And the whole time, they're still arguing about belief in God and the goodness of Man and how much they wish their Masters were there. And the government is trying to kill them to cover their tracks, so it tells everyone they have the plague. Jara and Ket would have a field day with the world it paints. Some OC gets trapped in dog morph and has to communicate these realities while the yeerks pursue any reports of talking dogs. I don't know, man, it's so depressing, it's perfect!

- Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Canonically, the owl knights in a war with nazi owls led by a demon witch queen exist in a world after the extinction of humans - the "others" who built stone temples, made oil paintings, had no feathers, and whom the nazi owls force the owlets to sleep in crypts of human bones. There are fifty methods of brainwashing and molding the mind to your will. Ax would be astonished by their libraries. Four giant mythological beings end up in your world, accompanied by a great diurnal predator and an alien vegetarian who doesn't believe in magic? Actual warriors versus knights whose strategies are often affected by "I saw the future in a dream?" Digger and Cassie going for midnight flights and debating the meaning of existence. Twilight teaching Rachel how to rap. Tobias going native in a world designed for birds and getting a whole suit of armor, but always feeling out of place for his size and his diurnality. Sure, they've managed to basically farm rodents on a scale where one island can sustain an entire fortress of predators, and invent a whole cuisine! They're geniuses! And yet, he's constantly awake when his new friends are asleep and vice versa and he's just as lonely as ever. Meanwhile, the humans are starving for want of food that's big without being sentient and have a time clock towards getting home... Doesn't this just write itself?

- Animalish series I can't believe I haven't seen crossover fanfic with, given their size: Redwall, Narnia, Lonely Werewolf Girl, Shiver. Imagine Ax feeling depressed Reepicheep is a more honorable Andalite than him. Imagine Cassie debating the ethics of curing werewolves with meningitis. Imagine how Tobias feels in a world where all the good guys are delicious, tiny mice - and how Ax reacts to Redwall cuisine in mouse morph.

- Finally... a crossover I talked about writing, but never did, because I wasn't afraid of the Fandom, I was afraid of the antifandom. All the people who know the story only on a surface level:

Cassie debates the ethics of killing her new friend's stepdad: security liability Humbert Humbert.

Anyone who's ever read Lolita knows that its best feature is the comedy from being narrated by an internet libertarian: "I am on trial for murder. I am explaining how I am the good guy for killing the other guy. To do this, I must heretofore thusly tell the story of how I married someone to lust after her daughter and then took an orphaned twelve-year-old around the country on a sexual road trip - now now! I believe you're starting to think mayhap that I may be the bad guy, this sounds 'gross!' But have you considered this: I am very intelligent! Here, have some facts and logic, you're being hysterical."

On a cursory reading of the plot, it sounds like it's justifying him. But that's because it's being told by a comically unreliable narrator who quotes French poetry, parodies Catullus, stretches the truth whenever he gets bored - and the universe is constantly conspiring to make him blameless in comically convenient ways, he assures you! The car crash just happened! It saved me the trouble of murdering my wife, as you saw me plan out ways to do, because I'm the good guy currently on trial for murder, but I'm still totally blameless! You can't trust a word of this guy.

Imagine a megamorphs where he's the villain narrator. It'd be the funniest book in the series. Inverse Visser One where it's the yeerk yelling at the host how much he sucks? Maybe. Cassie morphed as Illim? Imagine her trying to process those memories as he experienced them and still trying to retain her faith in the goodness of Man at heart.

I didn't write it, but the idea is free.

Is there any Animorphs crossover you really think someone should write?

I'd vote for Animorphs and Star Wars. I'm not nearly expert enough on the lore (and far too afraid of the fandom) to tackle that one myself, but I think it could be super cool if someone was willing to take it on.

[dearly]

just read this and the part about harry was surprisingly honest https://www.theringer.com/music/2022/4/21/23035076/coachella-weekend-1-review-harry-styles-billie-eilish-lil-baby-jamie-xx

But Styles’s set at Coachella revealed an artist out of his depth. If Beyoncé proved to even inveterate skeptics that a pop act headlining Coachella could supply something as imaginative and visionary as any rapper, DJ, or guitar apostle, Styles doubled as a wicker man for the retro-fried fetishization that has defined the past decade. If he was cast in a West End production of Aladdin Sane: The Musical!, there would be no cause for complaint. But closing out Friday night, the lingering shadow of all immortal predecessors loomed. Roger Waters played Dark Side of the Moon atop the same soil where Harry Styles kicked a KIDZ BOP version of the Almost Famous soundtrack.

The idea is that the former One Direction singer is the Justin Timberlake of his generation: a product who shed his boy-band assembly line past to mature into an artist capable of selling Pepsi on his own merits. The problem is that he’s closer to Robbie Williams from Take That or Donny Osmond, references surely lost on 99 percent of the relatively paltry, mostly under-25 crowd who gathered on the former polo field to listen to Styles’s set.

Harry Styles is an archetypal artist for the late capitalist drain spiral of ambient streaming and social media thirst: simply far too big and slickly packaged to fail. He rose to fame on a reality show, was coached by Simon Cowell, and made brain-fry famous as one-fifth of a boy band whose distinguishing characteristic was loving both kinds of music: boomer rock and pop. They finished in third place on the reality show, but ended up selling millions. Since he went solo he’s been managed by the son of the most powerful man in the music industry, represented by the world’s most powerful talent agency, and signed to a label owned by a multinational conglomerate that made $11 billion in net income during the first year of the pandemic.

As a child, Styles learned to make music by singing karaoke covers, and never learned how to stop. There is no such thing as a Harry Styles song. There are Hall & Oates songs, David Bowie songs, Pink Floyd songs, Elton John songs, Queen songs, and Fleetwood Mac songs, which Harry Styles and his producers and songwriters rejigger into new alignments like a Web3 reboot of Glam Rock Scrabble.

To his credit, Styles made a valiant effort. Wearing a sequin harem outfit that looked made out of a souvenir disco ball from Studio 54, the former One Directionist skipped across the stage, shimmied, and hoisted his microphone to the heavens. He had the moves down as if he’d purchased hundreds of music documentaries on Amazon Prime (and maybe even a few Blu-rays that aren’t available on streaming). He blew kisses to the crowd, cheerfully plinked at a guitar, and holistically indicted boyfriends. He told us that our only job was to have as much fun as possible, and to be whoever we were. But it’s unclear if he even knew what that meant for himself. Over a belabored piano vamp, he bellowed “WOOOMAAAAN,” somewhere between Mike Myers’s beatnik poetry in So I Married an Axe Murderer and Russell Brand’s Jeffrey-puffing rock goofball from Get Him to the Greek. He finished with a song called “Sign of the Times,” which was somehow not a Prince cover. It sounded created for a Disney biopic about Rod Stewart, which has yet to be cast.

The Return of Coachella and a glimpse into our new abnormal

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

For “Shang-Chi 2″, regardless of what the main story will be about (it’s probably going to be about Fin Fang Foom), I’m really pushing for Marvel to introduce Shang-Chi’s love interest, Leiko Wu. For those who don’t know this character, Leiko is a MI6 secret agent. Just...imagine all the dramatic/comedic potential that could come from this.

For example:

1) Leiko Wu takes on an assignment to get close to Shang-Chi because MI6 and S.W.O.R.D. are interested in the ten rings. So, she takes on a cover identity as an upper-class businesswoman from the United Kingdom and makes it so that they’re paired up during a blind date. And of course, taking cues from romcoms, Shang-Chi falls for Leiko and Leiko starts to develop real feelings for Shang-Chi.

2) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Katy, who immediately feels something is off. She gets the “my best friend might be dating an axe murderer” vibes but isn’t sure how to tell Shang-Chi that. 

3) Katy’s family jokes that she missed her chance at marrying Shang-Chi now that he’s dating the upper-class British girl. 

4) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Xialing. Xialing immediately goes little sister mode and starts interrogating Leiko because she wants to know how the hell did her loser older brother get someone like her. She says something along the lines of, “All you do is park cars and karaoke while drunk! And you’re telling me you somehow convinced a rich, proper girl like Leiko to date you?!”

5) Shang-Chi introduces Leiko to Ying Nan. Ying Nan goes auntie mode and starts pushing for Shang-Chi to propose to Leiko. Also, she immediately figures out that Leiko is hiding her true identity but also recognizes that she has genuine feelings for her nephew, so she lets it slide. 

6) Ying Nan bonds with Leiko by telling her the story of Wenwu and Ying Li.

7) The movie could do that classic romcom trope where Shang-Chi is disappointed after finding out Leiko’s true identity and Leiko has to do the big, romantic gesture to convince him that she genuinely likes him. You know what I mean. (EDIT: Well, the superhero equivalent of a big romantic gesture. Like she kisses him right after killing a bunch of bad guys)

I’m just saying, there’s a lot of story potential here.