#so i know i need to chillax but god. am i lonely.

[gommyworm]

:^]

[irastayshome]

I occasionally like to pick books out in the library which I normally wouldn’t, just to be (hopefully) pleasantly surprised by things I learned. This was one of them, but I think on a subconscious level this particular pick wasn’t random. Its not a particularly great read, linguistically, because really hate non-fictionals that feel like i’m reading a person rambling on and on in a text (yes even though I do exactly that, I know. but I’m no book author). But, its one of the few books which I read that makes me go YES i know EXACTLY what this lady is talking about. 

I often get attracted to words like “different” and “wired” since I started to realize my experience of raising Ibrahim felt lonely, in some ways. I am aware that all parents go through some level of anxiety over whether their child is doing alright, but really what they are truly worried about is whether their child is doing alright LIKE OTHER CHILDREN. This strong pressure to ensure your child will fit in and have a predictable developmental path is probably a primal instinct. The ability to assimilate in communities does play a strong role in human survival in many societies.

However, the author makes a strong point in that a fifth of any given population isn’t neurotypical, or are what is known as neurodiverse. Such a scary word but basically means in terms of how their brains are wired, they experience their world a little different from the rest of us. That’s 20% of us. Be it the obvious neurodiverse like those with autism, adhd, gdd, or the less obvious like dyslexia, or even the really vague and uncertain ones that don’t have a particular diagnosis and just fall under the umbrella of “high needs” or “strong-willed/highly spirited children. I had referred to Ibrahim as belonging to that last group even before I heard of sucha term. Raising him has been very isolating, despite having people in my circles who had kids around his age, because I could not relate to many of the joys they faced raising their children. Parenting has always been a social experience since the beginning of time. All the “it takes a village to raise a child etc etc”. But in this hypersocial age (or rather I would argue that it is MORE hyPOsocial age because of how social media actually makes true connection less available), parenting has become a self-depreciating experience when it has an audience. I couldn’t share my joys in discovering so many things about my child, because they weren’t the kind of joys others would celebrate. Seeing my child have a voice at 6 months old and roaring at random passerbys made me glee in joy thinking “what a load of personality for a tiny person” but made others say “oh my god he did that, how did other people respond?? *cue empathic face*” 

To be very honest, I am so fucking proud of my son. He has his struggles with managing disappointments, reacts quite explosively at times when he does not get his way, and can at times be a danger to himself and others. BUT, these just intensify my need to protect what I see when I really lean into his soul. He is. such a fiercefully empathic being, if that hyperbole even makes sense. And for such a young age, he already knows when his parents are behaving out of sorts, and would make a bridge to make it easier for us to reconnect. And that sort of fierceness obviously cuts across everything he does. Like his current dinosaur obsession, which sometimes gets a little overwhelming and even creepy for us, but thats another story. Or his eating/sleeping/toilet training  etc etc etc. Every single time we had a positive moment in those aspects, only God, and maybe parents of other neurodiverse kids, can understand the joy I feel inside. The first time he slept without nursing, or pooped in his potty, or ate an entire meal outside on his own, or put his dirty dishes in the sink, or came to me and told me how he felt when I punished him, or talked to his adik about not throwing food about at the table, I seriously cannot contain a smile even if I was angry at him before that moment. And I know its not just a parenting thing, because admittedly I am pretty chillax with his younger brother, prob due to the fact that his brother is a BREEZE to raise in comparison. 

ANYWAY, I cannot remember the point I wanted to get at in this post. Also, I wanna cut this short cause I heard someone stirring (yes it is most probably the neurodiverse one, as always). I just wanna pen down some thoughts that this book triggered, and the whole saying no to fitting a square peg into a round hole kinda thing. I’ll prob post more when I read more but let’s see how much quiet time I have these next few days. 

[jungee]

Will You? Pt. 2

A/n: Hope you guys will like this since it’s the last part of this fic lol

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Summary: Jungkook + you = definite prom dates

Genre: A bit angsty but not so much because the fluff rules it all

Word count: 2211

Pt. 1

“Oh my god,” scoffed Jimin, as he closed his books dramatically to give emphasis on his exclaim.

“What?” Jungkook asked as he finally took his head off of the book that he was basically studying on as his gaze was now fixated on Jimin.

“You forgot!”

“Did not,” refuted Jungkook. “We’ve just been so busy—” he paused for a second as he inhaled some air, “Okay! Yes, I did forget! Jimin, what am I gonna do?!” He began to hyperventilate, exaggerating the guilt he had felt. He didn’t even know how close prom was and he didn’t have any idea on how to ask you. He was wondering if you would even say yes to him. He was worrying so much that he had forgotten that he was in the library until the librarian had basically shushed him in the harshest way ever. “Sorry,” he whispered as he nodded his head in respect. His eyes averted back onto Jimin, “What am I going to do? When is prom? Should I make a sign? Get flowers? Post it notes—”

“Jungkook, chillax.” Interrupted Jimin, telling the boy to calm down when it only made him become more chaotic. Jungkook began to panic and asked more questions, there were questions that didn’t even have anything to do with prom. Leaving a frustrated Jimin to try not to punch the crap out of the boy as he brought his hand up while his thumb and index finger pinched the bridge of his nose. “You have plenty of time to ask y/n to prom, so calm the hell down, lover boy.”

“Well, how much time do I have?”

Jimin gave out a hum as he gave little to no thought for his reply, “You have about two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Jungkook repeated only to have Jimin nod in reassurance. “Oh—” he took another pause in between his sentence before he freaked out once more, “Two weeks! I only have two weeks to prompose!” This was the second time he was reminded that he was in the library. A shush left the lips of the librarian along with a few students who were in study mode and didn’t need Jungkook to keep them off track. “Jimin, what do I do? I don’t have a plan.”

A smirk is placed on Jimin’s lips as he answered with, “Don’t worry, I got you.” And this was where Jungkook gulped, worried for what Jimin had planned for the near future.

“Oh, Jungkook,” he heard his name being called from behind and he didn’t even have to look back to know whose voice it belonged to. “I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” you gave him a back hug while he sat down in his chair, your chin atop his shoulder while your arms were wrapped around him. Jungkook tensed at the sensation and then slowly melted into it as he turned his head to yours, a huge blush adorning his cheeks while Jimin kept his laughter in. It’s been a few days since you’ve actually seen each other and skinship like this was something he’s missed.

“H-hey, y/n.” He stuttered out his greeting as he quickly whipped his head back to his book. “I’m helping Jimin study for our calculus quiz coming up,” his hand wandered around the table to find his graphing calculator only to make a bigger mess of notebooks, books and papers cluttered everywhere.

“Was,” Jimin added at the end. “I’m gonna go home so see ya tomorrow, Jeon.” He dashed off like lightning before Jungkook could even get to him.

You retract from the back hug you had given Jungkook while seating yourself where Jimin had sat. Your elbows placed on the table as your hands held your face while your gaze was stuck on Jungkook. A smile curved upon your lips as you asked, “Ready to go home?”

He gulped for the second time, nervousness subsiding within him as he remembered his conversation with Jimin not too long ago. Jungkook has enough time to prepare everything, but he made it sound like it had to be rushed when in all honesty he just wanted everything to be perfect for that exact moment. He hesitated to answer you because it was either; make an excuse to not go over to plan for his promposal or go over while panicking inside his own head about the promposal. Either way, he would be stuck thinking about the promposal. He was in a rut and didn’t want tonight to be the first night where he’d have to take a raincheck and make it up to you another time. He wanted to spend time with you but with his mind jumbled up with school, quizzes and tests, hanging out with you and now the promposal planning, he was screwed.

“Sorry y/n, but could we take a raincheck?” He guiltily asked as he began to feel regret taking over while your smile faltered. He didn’t mean for it to happen like this. “I-I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” He clapped his hands together as a plead. He really did want to go over and watch you make tea for him while you guys would talk nonstop as you cooked for him, but tonight was different. For once, Jungkook wouldn’t be over.

“Oh?” You questioned. “No, it’s okay, Jungkook. If you ever need to take a raincheck because of other things it’s fine,” you replied nonchalantly as you got up from your seat and began to exit the library. “I’ll text you, okay?” You reassured, giving him a wink as you passed by him, seeming unfazed by his sudden raincheck.

—

“So, what’s up with you and Jungkook lately?” Your friend Jae Hee inquired through the phone call.

A soft sigh had left your lips as you heard her mention his name; Jungkook. The boy you basically had a crush on ever since the first time he had came over. You were frustrated, upset and lonely. “I don’t even know to be honest. I mean like, I like him and stuff, but lately he’s been taking rainchecks,” you admitted, pressing your thumb and index finger to massage the temples of your forehead.

“Well, the boy is the school sweetheart. Always busy with academics and sports—”

“But he usually makes time for me Jae Hee. That’s the thing.” You practically whined through the speaker. “I just miss hanging with him.”

“Psht. Someone is definitely in love,” she teased you. “It’ll be alright. You guys will have your time alone soon.” She reconciled. “Just go up to him the next time you see him, okay?”

“Okay,” you answered quickly taking note of her advice. Maybe she was right, he is a busy body after all and you shouldn’t have to make a big deal out of it, the both of you are bound to get back on track to the same customs.

“Well I gotta go. A nap is calling for me,” she announced breaking the silence. And before you could even reply with another okay, she hung up.

You thought about her advice, your phone in your hand as you scrolled through your contacts. Another sigh left your lips as Jungkook’s name came up. Your thumb couldn’t help but tap on his name as it displayed his information. You were basically contemplating whether you should call him or not. But it shouldn’t matter or anything because you guys were definitely not dating. It did come to your mind a few times maybe because you did have a crush on him and this was where your head began to swirl with so many thoughts. You couldn’t take it anymore, you had missed him so much that you felt so lonely. It was boring to go back to square one, arriving home alone and making dinner just for one. You needed everything to back to normal.

—

Here you were, stuck walking around the hallways as the school bell rang while people began to leave class as fast as possible. Jae Hee was right beside you, on her phone swiping through social media. You were trudging along the halls quite slowly and all Jae Hee could do was just keep up with your act. It’s been one whole week of you not seeing Jungkook which was basically complete torture. You would’ve sent him some texts or give him some calls, but you felt as if you were a bother and didn’t want to distract him from doing who knows what.

It was the same for Jungkook. He was tired of having to stay after school with Jimin and Taehyung as they helped him make the promposal and plan it all. He just wanted one day with you and that would’ve been enough to help encourage him even more to finish this stuff. He held a box full of art supplies, walking through the hallway as Taehyung and Jimin were both by his side. They planned on setting everything up in the auditorium of the school, which they had to basically beg some teachers to use after school, but thank goodness they had a soft spot for Jungkook.

They all had to stop by his locker to put some of the supplies away. Which definitely wasn’t the greatest idea as Jimin and Taehyung saw you and Jae Hee coming their way. They tried to block the view of their maknae but failed as they weren’t as tall as him.

“Jungkook, 3 o'clock!” Jimin gave him a heads up as he looked to his right with a mortified expression. You were coming his way and he still had some materials in his hands as he emptied the box. He began to panic, his eyes averting to you back to Jimin then to Taehyung.

“Jungkook!” You practically yelled his name with excitement as you waved him hello. He could feel his stomach drop with each step you took.

“You guys take care of her while I set everything up, okay? Bye!” He ran off with the rest of the materials as he made his way towards the auditorium.

Your brows were knitted together in confusion. Just what was he up to? This was like the tenth time he ignored you and you didn’t know how to feel. You gave out a groan as you greeted Taehyung and Jimin, “Hey guys.”

“Hey, y/n,” they both said in unison as they tried to act normal which was something they weren’t used to. They never had to pretend as if Jungkook wasn’t up to something even though he was. The gloom on your face was obvious and they couldn’t help but feel shame.

“Do you guys know why Jungkook’s been avoiding me?”

“H-he’s not doing it on purpose or anything, y/n.” Jimin stuttered as Taehyung nodded agreeing with his statement.

“Really? Cause it seems like he is,” you disagreed with his comment as you crossed your arms across your chest to show your irritation.

Jimin groaned with annoyance, “Y/n, we have a surprise for you. So put this blindfold on and we’ll guide you through the school then you’ll see how much Jungkook likes you.” He practically demanded you to put on the blindfold walking around the school blind. He took your wrist and started to guide you to who knows where.

“Wait, what—”

“Just trust us, please,” begged Taehyung. “You’re in for a magical moment.” And this was where the door creaked loudly as they made you enter an unfamiliar room.

“Guys, I’m scared.” You confessed as you felt a small chill go down your spine as you were left in silence. “This isn’t funny!” You whined as you ripped the blindfold off of your head, left in a dark room with many seats and so you assumed it was the auditorium or a lecture room.

“Maybe you should turn around,” a voice suggested and as you do what you were told, lights turned on one by one as it lit up the stage.

“P. R. O. M.” You had pronounced the letters as each light turned on. A questioning look took over your face until you finally yelled out the answer, “Prom!” And there Jungkook was, on stage as the last and final light had shone on him while he carried a poster with a question mark drawn on it. Your hands had basically covered your mouth to hide the surprise surfacing on your face. “Jungkook! You did not! Oh my god!” You hollered across the room as you ran up to the stage jumping onto him as you gave a hug.

He let go of the sign as he carried you with his hands holding onto your thighs. The hug was about a minute long until he let go, making you stand in front of him as he took the poster back into his hands while balloons had fallen from the ceiling. A few classmates including Jimin and Taehyung came out of the wings of the stage while they carried their phones in their hands as they recorded the whole thing.

“So,” Jungkook declared. “Will you go to prom with me?”

A huge smile is placed on your lips as you hugged him once more, “A million times yes.”