#so i just had to go and buy a different piece of salmon which luckily was on saaaaaale i love you AH

[heartyearning]

fennel green apple salmon salad fuck yeah !!!!!!!

[catchester]

12 Days of Christmas

Title: Epiphany 

Authors: @evieplease​​​​ and @catchester​​​​

Which character: Actor!Tom and OFC Rocky

Genre: Humour/Explicit

Fic Summary: Tom and Rocky spend their first Christmas as a couple and Rocky meets Tom’s Mum for the first time. Expect 12 gifts, too much boozy, bad puns and lots of fun!

Rating: Mature

Previous Chapters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17138390/chapters/40304798

Epiphany 

I’m not much of a cook. I mean, I can feed myself but that cordon bleu shit is way out of my wheelhouse. I don’t really have the time or patience for it anyway. Tom beats me like a drum in the cooking stakes, but if there’s one thing I can cook perfectly, it’s a steak. 

I also make wonderful, fat chips—twice cooked so they’re lovely and crispy outside, but fluffy inside. And I’ve mastered a couple of sauces, but creamy pepper is Tom’s favourite, so we’ll be having that.

I’d also bought a little bit of broccoli to ‘show willing’, as my gran used to say. It was an afterthought, but it looks pretty on the plate, so. . .

Normally I’d cook a ribeye but tonight I was going all out and had bought three, fat, juicy sirloin steaks. I was salivating just thinking about them. 

I’d even bought a new dress, a little red dress—a nice companion for my overworked little black dress. I kind of love it. It’s figure hugging, but with a little flirty flare at the hem, and an almost exact match for my crimson Sephora lip stain. Looks great with my boots too. And I know that Tom will appreciate the back view. Just wearing the thing made me want to wiggle my arse for him!

I’d spent much of the day in my workshop, which is just a fancy way of saying the garage I rent near my flat that I store my spares and heavier equipment in. I knew I was pushing things time wise, but I was nervous, okay?

The fresh layer of snow didn't help matters, snarling up traffic and meaning my errand took twice as long as it should have. 

I ended up having to leave my chips boiling while I got ready, and kept darting back to poke them with a knife. I was damn lucky I didn't overcook them and end up with mash, but somehow I didn’t. 

I had just slid into my new dress when the buzzer went, and I scrambled to do the zip up before Tom and Diana reached my front door. 

I didn’t quite make it, and had to greet Diana with my bra strap hanging out. Luckily Tom spotted my predicament and zipped me up the rest of the way, but not before Diana commented on how chilly I must be! But I got a kiss on the back of my neck from Tom, so it’s all good.

My flat might only be two bedrooms, but it was pretty spacious. I’d improved it a lot over the last five years and it was worth a small fortune thanks to London prices. I would never have been able to afford a flat in London if not for my Dad. Growing up, we’d lived in a council house, which Dad bought at a vastly reduced rate back in the 80s when Right to Buy came in. As such, his small mortgage was long paid off, and the prices had skyrocketed over the years, so when all three of his kids had flown the coop, he sold the four bedroom place and bought two flats in the same estate, but different blocks. 

We’d drawn up a contract and when I reached what he’d paid for it, he’d transfer ownership to me, or it would come to me on his death, whichever came first. My brothers would get his larger flat to share between them. Good luck to ‘em! Those boys haven’t agreed on anything but the MCU since they were ten and twelve, and I can just about predict the rows they’ll have deciding to renovate or sell Dad’s place. I plan on sitting back and enjoying the show.

One of my improvements to my place was to knock down the wall between the living room and kitchen. Where the wall used to be I kept a narrow, oblong table that folded out into one that could comfortably seat four. My extra folding chairs were kept in a cupboard. In my defence, they’re very nice folding chairs and I have cushions I can tie on… 

How naff. I’d hang my head in shame, but I know Diana will appreciate the irony.

Thank god I hadn't had time to worry like this earlier, or they’d likely have arrived to find me sloshed again! Speaking of which... 

“Can I get you a drink?” I asked, my stomach swooping, suddenly realising I should have picked up an extra bottle of wine! Bollocks! Wait, didn’t I have a nice one Tom bought as a gift a few months ago lurking at the back of a cupboard somewhere? I’d have to get it in the fridge ASAP. 

“I don't have any red wine, I’m afraid, only rosé.” I worried my lip. I’m not really a fan of red wine,  but red meat goes with red wine, and Diana would know that! 

“Oh lovely, I like a nice rosé.” Diana to the rescue! God, I love that woman. She’s so polite. 

I did find the bottle Tom had brought around before. It too was pink, but it was prosecco, not wine. Aah well, maybe that would work better as a dessert wine. Or, with luck, a fizzy celebration wine. I put it in the top of the fridge and opened the cold bottle of rosé. 

“Here you go.” I handed them each a glass, but decided to have a beer myself so the wine would go further. I did decant my bottle contents into a tall glass for a change though because I’m at least attempting to be civilised tonight. 

“You have a lovely home,” Diana said as I sat down on my L-shaped unit. It was a bargain I’d found on freecycle then re-upholstered, but it was a quality piece and looked expensive. 

It’s not that I can’t afford a new sofa, even an expensive one—my business does well and my rent to my Dad is whatever I want to pay him. I pay quite a lot because I want him to get his investment in the flat back quickly, but he wouldn't mind at all if I took a whole year off payments because he trusts me. Plus, he’s semi retired now so all he does is answer the phones and do the books, for which he claims 30% of the profits. He started the business so I don’t begrudge him, and it means he isn't desperate for my rent as his income. 

The real reason I upcycled my sofa is that she had such lovely bones, and I love crafty activities. After the renovations on the flat were done, I’d set about finding pieces I could give new life to. My bed mattress was brand new, but the headboard was second hand and recovered in a print to compliment the aqua and white paint in there. I’d stripped the old varnish off the wood parts and stained it new.

I asked Diana about the exhibition she was going to see and she explained it was actually a workshop where she’d be learning something called blackwork embroidery. I’d gathered from looking around her home that she was quite arty, but I hadn’t realised she enjoyed crafting too. It was nice to know we had something in common and I told her about a couple of my projects in the flat. I even told her the story of stapling my finger to the sofa she was sitting on, the very first time I used an upholstery gun, and she told me about some of her past projects. 

After topping up their glasses, I began preparing the meal, but I could still chat to them as I worked. They wanted their steaks medium, which everyone defines differently but after some probing I determined that they liked it red inside, but not bloody cold, which was my preference too. Okay, maybe I like mine a little bloody, but it went on the skillet only 60 seconds after theirs. 

I served my very fat chips in a sort of jenga tower with the middle bricks missing, being very careful not to wipe my greasy fingers on my red dress,  then the steaks, a very healthy dollop of peppercorn sauce, and the broccoli topped with a knob of butter on the side. 

“You led me to believe you weren’t a very good cook,” Diana gently chided me as we ate. 

“I’m not,” I assured her. “I know how to cook, like, three things really well, this, lasagne, and a cheesecake, which we’re having for desert. Everything else falls somewhere between okay and inedible.” 

“Do not ask her to cook fish,” Tom winked at me conspiratorially.

I laughed. He’d once said something about liking salmon, so I got a recipe and tried to cook it for him. It was all new to me, the only fish Dad or the boys would eat came from the fish and chips shop down the corner. Unfortunately no matter what I did the stuff tasted like dirt! Very fishy dirt! I ended up over seasoning, then overcooking it so much that it dried out and it really was inedible. 

And it still tasted like dirt!

We’d ordered a curry instead. 

“Well, these potatoes are amazing, you must give me the recipe,” Diana told me, smiling warmly at me. 

It wasn't hard, so I explained it to her as we ate. 

As well as complimenting me, Diana ooh’d and ah’d as she ate. Tom just ate steadily as if afraid someone might nick his plate if he slowed down, glancing up at me with a warm appreciative smile now and then, so I think they genuinely liked it. 

Good, Diana would probably not like it if I poisoned her boy. 

Talk of the salmon disaster naturally led onto other food related disasters, and I quickly learned I was in good company. 

“Do you remember when you left some steaks out to defrost?” Tom asked his mum. 

Apparently their neighbour’s cat had neatly chewed away all but the rind of fat while they were in the garden. Then there was the story of a time they’d been visiting a friend, and another friend’s dog had eaten the shepherd’s pie they were to be served! 

The Guinness pie was my favourite story though. It was apparently a steak pie made with Guinness gravy, that Diana loved as a child. It was her father’s recipe, basically the only thing he cooked, and then only once or twice a year, on special occasions. She swore she followed the recipe her father gave her to the letter but it was awful. 

“Turned my stomach, honestly,” she admitted, turning pink even after all these years. 

Tom was grinning. “She served us all first, then she realised she’d forgotten the pot of English mustard and told us to all tuck in. Well we did, and there’s me, my sisters and my dad just looking at each other. We all knew she’d spent all day on this and was really looking forward to it. None of us had the heart to tell her we couldn't eat it. She came back and we all plastered smiles on and told her how wonderful it was, while helping ourselves to carrots.”

“That should have been my first clue,” Diana laughed. “Honestly, you’d have thought this one was allergic to vegetables, given how hard he tried to avoid them, and there he was larding his plate with carrots!”

“Then she took one mouthful and her face just turned grey,” Tom laughed. Diana reached out and playfully smacked his shoulder.

“I still tried it a second and third time, in case I’d made a mistake, although I didn't make the family try it. I thought that perhaps the stout needed to marinate longer, or be cooked at a higher temperature so it burned off, but each attempt was just as inedible as my first bite. My father was adamant that he’d given me the exact recipe he used. I gave up in  the end and concluded that he must have substituted something else for the stout, possibly something like cider. I’ve tried other recipes with cider gravy over the years but never quite managed to replicate the same taste.”

I cleared the plates from the table but everyone wanted a little break before desert, which was fine with me. 

“Has Tom told you about our 12 days gifts?” I asked Diana as I grabbed a box from a kitchen drawer.

Suddenly I had a sort of out of body experience where I was watching myself sit with Tom and his mum, I must be mad for even considering what I was about to do...

“He’s told me all about it,” she grinned. “What a lark! It sounds like you had great fun.”

“We did, but more than that, those gifts, specifically the thought Tom had put into his, had really brought home how much he cares for me.” 

I handed Diana a gift box, about 6 inches by four, and maybe two deep. It wasn't wrapped but I had done it up in a fancy ribbon. Eventually she freed it from it’s ribbon prison and opened the lid. 

There in the middle, nestling among some tissue paper (which was hiding some printer paper because I didn't have enough tissue paper, and I wasn’t using bog paper) sat a ring box. 

“This looks interesting,” she murmured, reaching for the ring box.

I could hardly hear her over the hammering of my heart, and I couldn’t look at Tom. My hands were sweating, and my leg was jittering under the table.

As I got off my chair, my knees were trembling but I managed to move beside Diana’s chair before I collapsed to my knees. I barely made eye contact with Tom, who looked curious. 

“It’s a. . . a ring?” 

I had found an incredible rose gold, tungsten ring with a gorgeous burl wood inlay for Tom. I thought it would look warm and elegant on his left hand. It’s unusual, but once I saw it, I couldn’t even look at any bog standard men’s wedding bands. I hope he likes it. Diana’s finger traced thoughtfully over the design, so I think she liked it.

Diana looked up at me, eyebrows up and questions in her eyes. I shuffled around, less gracefully than I’d like until I was on one knee before her, in the traditional pose of a proposer. 

I desperately wanted to look at Tom to see his reaction but I didn’t dare. I’d lose my bottle, if I did...

I took the ring box from her, but I was shaking so much I had to hold it with both hands. I cleared my throat, and sternly ordered myself not to tear up out of sheer nerves.

“This last year taught me a lot about Tom and our relationship, and I suppose you could say I’d had an epiphany about how much your son has come to mean to me. With that in mind, Diana, I..” My voice cracked and I had to clear it and try again.  “I wonder if you would do me the honour of becoming my Mother-in-Law? 

The next three seconds seemed to last an hour. Diana’s mouth opened in surprise as she stared down at the ring. Not unpleasantly surprised, but, oh god, she also wasn't answering me... 

I shouldn't have done it this way, I shouldn't have brought Diana into this. I’d just thought it was a funny and quirky way to include her, but of course, she couldn't answer for Tom. This was such a stupid idea! 

I saw Diana’s gaze flick in Tom’s direction and still couldn’t look at him. I kept my eyes steady on hers and wished the ground would open up to swallow me whole. Hell, it could take my whole apartment, as long as this nightmare stopped! 

I could feel my eyes pricking with tears of humiliation. I should have got drunk again, then I’d probably be passed out and unable to make a fool of myself. Again. I lifted my chin and grabbed courage with both hands, waiting for the verdict.

Suddenly there was an arm around my shoulder and I realised Tom was kneeling beside me. 

“Please, Mum, say yes!” 

I’ve never felt so much relief as when I heard him say that. I swayed on my knees and my surroundings spun briefly as all the air seemed to rush back into the room.

Diana’s hand moved to her chest, patting it as if she’d had heart palpitations, her eyes twinkling down at me.

“Well I don’t know…” she deliberately drew out her response, the tease! “Don’t you think this is... awfully sudden, dear?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. What was she on about? She looked just exactly like Tom when he was about to spring a horrible pun on me, the same sly little smile lurking about her lips. 

“I’m trying to think what those vows would be... ‘Do you, Rocky, take this woman, Diana, as your Awful Wedded Mother-in-Law? To poke and to prod, to stick her nose in where it isn’t wanted, and to generally make herself a pain in your arse? So help you baby Jesus?’

I grinned. Yep, I definitely wanted her! Tom choked beside me, laughing.

“Diana, that is exactly what I had in mind!” I nodded my head hard, my hair bouncing wildly around my head. “So, um, will you?”

Diana reached down and carefully pulled a strand of hair from my mouth, tenderly tucking it behind my ear, her eyes softened into the exact shade Tom’s get. Her hand cupped my cheek gently.

“Yes Rocky, I’d be delighted to be your Mother-in-Law.” she said softly. I heard Tom’s breath gust out in relief beside me. I knelt up, throwing my arms around her and squeezing hard. “Thank you,” I whispered into her hair. I cleared my throat, because I was not going to cry on Tom’s mum.

Diana put her hands on my arms, gently pushing me away, her eyes going behind me.

“I think there’s someone who wants his turn…”

Before I could even look his way, Tom had pulled me onto his thighs, wrapping his arms around me tightly and hugging me hard. One hand went into my hair and pulled my face up to his. There were tears in his eyes, and a crooked smile on his lips.

“Yes please, Rocky.”

Then he was kissing me fiercely, and by god, I was giving back, my hands clutching his shirt.

“Ahem…” Diana cleared her throat. I pulled away from Tom long enough to glance round at her.

“But you said I could have him!” I grumbled at her, hiding my elated laugh. Her eyes laughed right back at me.

“Yes dear, but not right now, if you please! I believe I was promised cheesecake!”

***

We put Diana in a cab back to Tom’s for the night, hugs and kisses all around. She even pinched my cheek! Tom and I stood, arms around each other’s waists, waving goodbye to her as she drove off 

“What would you have done if she’d said ‘no’?” Tom’s tone was slyly curious as we made our way back up the stairs to my second floor flat. I blanched.

“Died of humiliation?” Even thinking of the possibility gave me cold shivers. But Tom had slid to his knees next to me.

“What would you have done?” I turned my face up to his, wondering if he’d have gone along with his mum. Tom scowled.

“Rocky, you know I love my mum. But I’d have told her to…” Tom stalled out as he considered his words. I cocked my head, waiting.

“I’d have told her to bugger off,” said the very civilised, posh idiot. I gasped, only then realising that I’d been holding my breath. 

“But Rocky,” Tom stopped before the door to my flat and raised my chin to look into my eyes. “That was never going to happen, my love. Because Mum loves me, and she knows I love you. Also,” he grinned, “Mum likes you. And now she finds you very engaging.”

Well shit. My eyes teared up at least as much from the sentiment as from the pun. I stood on my toes and kissed him.

Tom opened my door and ushered me in, turning to close the door behind us. When he turned back, I pushed him against it, holding him there with a hand in the center of  his chest.

My other hand slid down his torso to the waistband of his trousers, flicking the button open and sliding the zip down, ratcheting slowly.

I stared into his eyes, watching them darken from their Caribbean blue to steel, the creases at the corners of his eyes tightening.

“Rocky…” he breathed.

“Shhh…” I replied, slipping my hand into his trousers to grasp him. The posh idiot never wore pants, which was calculated to make me rethink the ‘posh’ part. Somehow, knowing that he was bare behind that zipper made me hard.

When my hand encountered all that hard, silky steel. Practically leaping into my hand, I could feel my pussy clench in sheer anticipation. I wanted that hard cock inside me, like, yesterday! 

Oh wait. It was inside me yesterday!

I wrapped my hand carefully and firmly around his shaft, my thumb extending over his bell end to protect him from any chance zip or harsh denim scraping against that tender, sensitive tip.

I like that cock. I wasn’t going to allow it to be hurt on my watch! Besides, if it was going to be mine for the rest of my natural life, forsaking all others, it was in my best interest to see to its proper care and feeding!

My hand tightened around him, just thinking what I wanted to feed it into. Tom lifted a hand and set it onto the column of my throat. I swallowed, feeling my throat move against his palm.

Tom’s head was tilted down watching me as I blindly explored his cock with my hand, palming his length and running my fingertips up his shaft, all the way to the edge of his foreskin. I ran my finger around the rim, gently pushing it down and freeing the vulnerable, delicate bit of skin right beneath his cock head.

I lifted my forefinger, dipping it into the drop of precome waiting there for me, dropping down and letting my finger glide around the edge of his foreskin on the slick fluid, being sure to slide over the tender skin of his bell. How can something so soft be so hard?

I think of myself as hard, but I’m soft for Tom. Really, the only thing to do is to make him mine. Thank god he said yes. Or…

“Um…”  I cleared my throat as I continued to glide my finger over him. “You did say yes, didn’t you? I mean, you get that having your mum as my mother-in-law actually entails you marrying me, right?” I lifted my eyes and searched his.

The blue of his eyes softened. His nose nuzzled below my ear.

“I do, Rocky. And yes, I will.”

All the air left my body and my fingers clenched on him, one hand on his chest, my nails digging into his skin, the other around his cock.

Tom hissed, and his hips shot forward into my fist, forcing his cock through the tight ring of my fingers.

“God, Rocky…” he groaned, his hands moving into my hair, thumbs on my jaw as he leaned down to kiss me roughly.

I stroked that silky smooth, incredibly hard length against my palm. Tom tore his mouth away, breaking our kiss and breathing hard. I took my opportunity to slip to my knees in front of him.

“Rocky...you don’t have-” He gasped.

“Tom,” I said sharply, “if you finish that sentence with ‘don’t have to suck my cock’, I might do you an injury!”

I squeezed his shaft, just to be clear what part might be injured.

“Right,” Tom gasped, “carry on, then.” He swallowed audibly hard, his hands clenching in my hair.

I grinned cheekily at him. “Don’t mind if I do!”

I dragged my free hand down his torso, firmly pushing his back against the door. I took a quick swipe at him with my tongue from stalk to tip and grinned up at him.

“I do what I want!”

I wrapped my lips around the head and gave a suck, swirling my tongue tip over and around the head.

I felt Tom’s deep throated groan vibrate through his body and onto my tongue. Stopping for a second, I looked up at him, for once with no quip on the tip of my tongue.

“I love you, Tom.”

Tom’s eyes completely dilated and he thrust into my fist, his cockhead pushing between my lips, and suddenly he was coming against my mouth. 

My hand pumped over his cock, squeezing and pulling his climax from him, licking his come from around my lips and working the rest out in hot ropes onto my neck and chest.

Tom made a tortured noise, his hands clenching in my hair and hips thrusting helplessly. I gentled my hand, holding it still and warm over his softening shaft as he panted above me.

“Rocky…”

I tore my eyes away from the sight softening in my hand and looked up.

“You undo me, my love.”

His hands moved to my arms and lifted me to stand, wrapping his arms and body around me like a loving cloak.

I nuzzled my nose into the patch of hair in the center of his chest.

“Love you, Tom,” I murmured into his skin, speaking directly to his thumping heart. The arms around me tightened.

“Come along. I have something for you.”

“I hope it’s a hot flannel!”

Tom snickered and trod across the room into the kitchen, dragging me to the sink and wetting a tea towel. He wiped us both clean, and tossed the towel on the side.

He’d left his tablet on the table. Pulling a chair out, he sat, tugging me down onto his lap. He reached for the tablet.

I was wondering if he planned to treat me to porn, or puppies. I never know with Tom, which is of course, one of the things I love about him. He swiftly swiped through a few screens and brought up a file.

“Here, what do you think?” He pushed the tablet into my hands and set his chin on my shoulder, looking over me at the screen.

My hand flew to my mouth, fingers trembling over it as I stared down at a page of gorgeous, conflict free, diamond engagement rings.

“I didn’t want to choose one without you, and I honestly didn’t know what sort you’d like, since you never wear rings or other jewelry,” Tom murmured.

My hand dropped down to the partridge in a pear tree necklace Tom had given me on the First Day of Christmas. 

“Except your partridge,” he acknowledged. “But I chose that, so I really have no idea what your taste in jewelry is.

I was speechless as Tom slowly scrolled through several pages of rings, all sorts, my eyes filling as it finally dawned on me that Tom had been planning to ask me, or was at least thinking about it, when a teardrop landed on the screen. His arm stole around my waist as he turned his head and kissed my neck.

I sniffled, slightly embarrassed, and let out a watery laugh.

“What’s funny, love?”

I sniffled again. “I got engaged today, and here you are, making me cry.”

Tom chuckled.

“Though it might just be PMS.” 

Tom lifted his head with a great shout of laughter. “Oh darling, with you it’s probably the entire alphabet!” Tom teased.

He brought up another page, this time with rubies and sapphires and such. My breath caught at a dark red, square cut stone with two smaller, smokey coloured square cut stones set on either side, all swirled about in a fanciful gold setting. It was stunning,

I reached out a finger and touched it. The image changed, showing other angles of the ring.

“Ooh, I like that one!” Tom wriggled a bit under me in his enthusiasm. “You like coloured stones? Unusual settings? So much better than boring old diamonds, don’t you think? Bloody marvelous, aren’t they?”

I nodded, my throat tight. I hadn’t even given any thought to a ring for me, yet. 

“Tom, I must tell you though, it’s unlikely that I’ll wear it much. With my job, my hands are in and out of all sorts of muck…”

“That’s alright then.” Tom hugged me. “There are plenty of times that I can’t wear jewelry on my job, too. On stage or filming, and so forth. We’ll just have to work out a routine for taking them off before going to work, and putting them back on when we get home. Think of it as putting on and taking off your shoes, only in reverse!”

My head spun with all the things that we haven’t talked about. Oh my god, I don’t know how to throw a wedding! Budget, guest list, venue, flowers, bridesmaids, grooms men,  catering, open or closed bar, the dress… the list seemed endless and I knew I was probably forgetting a dozen other things. 

“I guess there’s still loads of things to work out before we do this thing, right?”

“We can take as long as we need,” he soothed, sensing my unease. “And if we want, there are people we can hire who take care of the organisation.” 

“Okay,” I took a deep breath and tried to relax. “As long as you don’t expect me to look like some giant, frothy meringue.” 

“Never,” he laughed. “And if you get one of those dresses with a thousand pearly buttons down the back, expect them to get torn off on the wedding night.”

The idea of being torn out of my wedding dress actually turned me on a little. Is that bad? 

“Oh, you like that idea,” Tom purred. 

“It’s not the worst idea I’ve heard.”

“Well I’ll have to practice,” he told me, his face the picture of sincerity. “We’ll start easy, maybe try ripping a robe off, then we’ll graduate to t-shirts and shirt-shirts and before you know it’ I’ll be ready to destroy your wedding dress in my haste to get to you.” 

“Or,” I said, holding a finger up as I presented my counter argument, “You could just destroy me right now and I’ll wear a white string bikini on the wedding day.” 

“Only if I get to wear white speedos.”

“Fine, but you also need a white bow tie.” 

Imagining literally the worst of the worst white trash wedding was kind of fun. 

“And white flip-flops,” Tom added. 

“What about if we want a winter wedding?” I asked. 

“White wet suits,” he answered without missing a beat. “I’ll draw a string bikini on yours in Sharpie marker pen.”

“And I’ll be sure to outline your English countryside. Very much looking forward to shading in your arse crack.”

That was the remark that made us lose it and we laughed until our sides hurt. 

Eventually we calmed down, with just the occasional giggle reemerging as we lay there. 

“Now correct me if I’m wrong,” Tom purred, “but I believe there was some mention of me destroying you?” 

“Well yes. I’d hate for you to be embarrassed on the wedding night because we hadn’t practised.”

I swear I heard him growl as he pounced on me, his smile positively wolfish. 

Oh dear, I had awoken the beast and now I was doing to pay. 

I shivered in anticipation. 

[themanicnami]

Grocery Tips From a Fellow Broke Person

So I know I have been talking about budgeting food often recently but its because I just had a bunch of bills stacked up and so I am breaking out all of my personal tools for groceries for the next few months. I feel several on this site are int eh same boat, and if needed here are some of my personal tips on grocery shopping.

If you can’t get fresh get long lived

Simply put, we know how healthy it is to eat fresh veggies and fruits, it is important to eat them in your diet for numerous health reasons. But fresh is not always an option, depending on where you live, fresh may be expensive or it may be a time of year where fresh produce may have gone up in price or you may not have a place to store them for one reason or another.

There is nothing wrong with frozen vegetables! They are affordable, last a long time, easily stored and are easy to cook. You can find them for around .50 cents to about 2.47 a bag depending on the brandy, type and size of bag. Sometimes this is more affordable than the fresh. 

Canned veggies are also always an option. They may have their downsides with studies showing too much preserved food can cause health issues, they are still a better option than just straight ramen and noodles every day! They still hold vitamins in them that your body needs. You can even buy sodium free canned vegetables now and ones stored in broth. If you don’t have refrigeration or a freezer, canned vegetables are an option for you.

The same goes for fruit! You can find frozen berries of all sorts in the freezer section and also canned fruit can be high in sugars but when in a bind, sometimes it is a better option than nothing at all.

 Buy In Bulk

If this option is available for you try to buy things in bulk, they may be pricier in the moment but if they are non-perishable food items with a long shelf life they can last you long enough not to worry about buying them again for weeks or even months. Some bulk items that I recommend looking into for their long storage life would be: rice, pastas, dried beans, lentils, peanut butter/other nut butter products and cooking oils. 

If you are able to afford buying the little boxing display sized of items sometimes that is for the best. At my personal grocery store you can buy a small pallet (for the shelf) of ramen for 5 dollars. Though it is not ideal, it is a good base to mix things in with as I spoke about in my previous post. I can also buy bulk of boxes of macaroni and cheese, boxed rice, boxed pasta sides and trays of soup. I have happily done this before because all of them had long shelf lives of a year or more in some cases and I still have them in my pantry ready for eating.

Proteins, Proteins, Proteins

Meat can be expensive we all know this, but luckily there are some affordable meat options! Depending on your local grocer they may have a display near the entrance of on sale meats, usually this is due to overstock or because they want to put fresher cuts up and need to get rid of their current stock. I have found 20 piece chicken legs for 3 dollars due to this as well as pork chops for 6. 

If you do not have a sale item for overstocked meats, you need to compare your prices. Check what they have, sometimes you’ll still find sales or good deals. In general - chicken is the least expensive meat option. Sausages and ground meat tend to be less expensive than prime cuts. Beef in general tends to be more pricey while pork can range. Depending on your area, this may vary but if you have the storage for meats, fresh chicken and sausages are often your best bet for affordable choices.

Eggs are wonderful options as well, they can store a while if you know how to pick them. When selecting eggs, if you know you will eat them go for the larger containers like around 18 eggs. They tend to be a better deal than getting the smaller options though always check your eggs for cracks or wetness on the container. If you are worried how fresh they are pick up an egg and shake it near your ear, if it feels dense and doesn’t make much noise then its good. If it feels very liquid like and makes sloshing sounds its close to going rotten and should not be bought.

Canned meats are always a good option for people who do not have a place to store frozen or fresh meat. Canned tuna shouldn’t be eaten a lot but it can be a good source for protein. It can be mixed into macaroni, ramen, rice, casseroles and more to add flavor. Try to buy tuna canned in water, it tends to be healthier than that stored in oil.

Canned chicken is always a good option as well, it can be eaten more regularly than tuna and can be cooked up into soups, rice, stir fry and more! Canned ham, spam, canned beef, crab and salmon are other canned meats that are often easily found in different types of grocery stores.

Beans can be easily bought dried and in bulk which makes them a good choice especially for those who may not be fans of the meat options above. You can also buy them canned for easy cooking like in soups, chili and stews.

Sales and Coupons and Grocery Store Brand

Always look for sales, if you see items on sale for a great discount and its something you will eat and it can be stored well, stock up! It prevents you from having to buy it for more later. Coupons can come in the mail though it may appear as junk mail, if they are for the grocery store you shop at, give them a look. There may be some that may be worth while. Make sure you read their terms, some are only good during certain times or if a certain amount is spent. You can also check for product coupons which work on all stores because they come directly from the production company. These can often be found online or on the company’s website. 

Sometimes brands are more expensive than the grocery store’s own brand. In these cases it may be a matter of taste in some things but with other things like canned vegetables, tuna, rice, noodles etc it can be almost a dollar cheaper to buy the grocery store’s brand with little to no difference with the brand named items. I personally always buy canned veggies that are from my local grocer as well as tuna and canned chicken - I have found they taste the same as the other brands but in the end saves me ten to twenty dollars after shopping.

Happy shopping everyone!

[hoseokutie]

Market Boy pt.2

Part 1

Words:

Warnings: Eating squid, Super Fluffy!Jungkook, Kissing 

��                          ____________________

Jungkook was currently in his shared apartment with his brother, he was currently getting ready for his date tonight.

"Hey do I look okay? Is it too much or too little?" He asked his older brother.

"I think you're freaking out way too much and definitely need to chill the heck out. You said it yourself that she's not the person to care about appearance so who cares?" he asked ruffling his fluffy hair.

"Yeah I guess you're right. By the way can I borrow some money? I don't get paid until the end of the week. Please I'll cover one of your shifts with no back talk" Jungkook begged him.

"Yeah, but don't spend it like a dumb ass okay? Buy her dinner and dessert and maybe buy her a cute bracelet or something, I don't know what you kids are into." He says handing him $50.

"Hyung this is perfect. Thank you so much for everything. I love you so much." Jungkook gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Ew stop, get the hell out of here you weirdo" he said gently slapping the younger boy's face.

"I'll see you when I get back!" Jungkook announced as he left the house and began his walk to the market.

On the other side of town, you were also getting ready for your tonight. You did a double take before leaving your apartment, and making your way to the market. You also decided to walk there since it's not that far.

You stood by your shop as you waited for Jungkook to arrive. In all honesty you forgot what time he said he wanted to meet up, so you decided to stand there and wait for him.

"Hey Y/N! You're here a few minutes early" he commented and you checked the time on your phone.

"I guess I am a little early, huh?" You mentioned as you looked back at him in slight embarrassment.

"Let me guess, you forgot what time we were supposed to meet, so you decided to just wait here?" he asked.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't" You said crossing your arms.

"Okay yeah I did, you caught me, I'm guilty" You confessed chuckling a little.

"That's okay, you said it yourself that you weren't the best when it came to timing things." He nudged your shoulder.

You gently hit his arm and held his hand in yours.

"I don't know about you, but I'm pretty hungry and excited for some seafood." You told him as you began to swing your hands back and forth.

"Well then let's go get some food shall we?" He asked enthusiastically.

You let him lead the way to the seafood restaurant located in the back of the market.

"Oh look, it's the love birds of this place. We were wondering when you guys were coming to see us!" Stephen, the owner of the restaurant, exclaimed when he saw you and Jungkook walk inside.

"How did you know we were gonna be here tonight?" You asked walking over to a table and sitting down across from Jungkook.

"Jungkook's mother told me that you guys would pay us a visit, and that I needed to take good care of you and watch out for you" he said and you frowned.

"Does his mom not trust me?" you asked slightly offended.

"No, she trust you. It the little Kookie monster across from you that she doesn't trust." he commented and you laughed loudly and covered your mouth.

"What! I'm innocent and have done nothing wrong in at least a week!" he said crossing his arms.

"You are so cute when you're upset Kookie." You told him to try and tease him.

"Yeah, but you're cute all the time."He raised an eyebrow at you.

"Someone is feeling flirty I see." You raised an eyebrow back at him.

"I can't help it when I have a beautiful woman sitting right in front of me."

This boy is trying to kill me, you thought to yourself.

"What do you cutie pies want to drink?" Miranda, Stephen's wife, asked the two of you.

"I'll have a mango lemonade" You said smiling up at her.

"And I'll have a beer" Jungkook said full of confidence.

"I need to see your ID" she said smirking at him.

"On second thought, I think I will have coca-cola" he said smiling up at her.

"Smart choice" she said walking to the back.

"Trust me, beer isn't that good anyway" You told him looking at the different food items on the menu.

"I forget that you're older than me sometimes. How does it feel to be twenty-two years old?" he asked and you simply shrugged your shoulders.

"I'm older than I was last year, and I'm still the same old girl, so I feel the same. Nothing to be excited about" You told him honestly.

"And what can I get you two to eat?" she asked.

Jungkook perked up at the mention of food.

"Can I get the salmon sashimi and the tempura sushi please with lots of wasabi. Oh! And the white radish please on the side. I like the crunch" He smiled over at you waiting for you to order.

You looked at him in surprise. The only remotely Japanese food you knew about was fried calamari. Grabbing the menu you did your best.

"I uh. Can I get the shrimp o-ni-gi-ri and um the California Roll please" You closed the menu looking away from the both of them knowing you sounded like a complete fool.

Jungkook tilted his head looking at you confused.

Why is she so reclusive all of a sudden? Did I do something? He thought to himself in compete and utter confusion.

"If it helps I thought your pronunciation was kind of cute" he told you and you smiled while still covering your face in embarrassment.

"Oh come on, show me that pretty face that I've been waiting to see. I've wanted to take you on a date for months and now and you're covering your beautiful face. It makes me sad" he leaned over and moved your hands from your face.

"There you are" he mumbled looking at you with a look that you have never seen before.

"You are so beautiful to me." he said sitting back in his chair.

"Oh please, I'm sure the girls back home are a lot cuter than me" You told him as you sipped my lemonade.

"I mean, not to sound like an asshole or anything, but for the time that I was in Korea none of the girls there caught my eye like you did when I first saw you." He confessed and you nearly choked on your ice.

"Jungkook wow I um. I'm flattered. I don't know what to say. I've never had someone say such nice things like that to me before." You simply chuckled and played with your nails.

It's an annoying habit of yours that you have been waiting to die out for a while.

"You don't have to say anything until the end of our date." he said and you raised an eyebrow up at him in confusion.

"What does that mean?" You questioned.

"You shall see cutie pie. Look at that our food is here!" he announced as Stephen and Miranda brought you both some more food and refills for your almost empty glasses.

"This looks absolutely amazing!" You commented a little too loudly.

Luckily for you and Jungkook the restaurant was empty, well except for Jungkook, Stephen, Miranda and, well of course you. Which is oddly strange considering the fact that this place doesn't close until 9:00 and it's only 7:20.

"Do you want to try the tempura sushi?" he asked holding it up to you.

"I don't know, I'm not a big fan of wasabi" You told him and he frowned.

"Please for me? Just a tiny little bite. You won't regret it, I promise!"

Damn this boy really knows how to be convincing.

"Alright fine, just for you Jungkook." You leaned over and bit into the food and was actually surprised at the taste.

"Wow that's really- Jesus Christ that's spicy!" You exclaimed quickly drinking half of your lemonade again.

"I know and that's what makes it great!" he said smiling as he stuffed two pieces into his mouth.

"Jungkook I'm calling the police and telling them you tried to murder me." You jokingly mumbled fanning your mouth reaching for one of your own wasabi free sushi rolls.

"Well I'll just tell them that you attacked me first with your good looks!" he retorted back.

You threw a napkin at him and playfully crossed your arms in defeat. You don't know who this boy learned to flirt from, but damn he's good.

"You can't beat me no matter how hard you try Y/N, I'm always six steps ahead of you"

"I'll say two steps ahead. Six steps is taking it a little too far."

You said as you stole some of his salmon sashimi.

"It's juicy isn't it?" He questioned looking at you with hooded eyes smirking slightly taking another bite of his tempura.

"Jungkook I want to go home." You said jokingly.

"Alright, so then you're paying for the bill?" he asked grabbing his jacket and you swear that it took about seven angels to hold you back.

"No, I'm just kidding. Please don't hit me." he reached over and held your smaller hand and you playfully rolled your eyes.

"Very funny Jeon, very funny. You almost had me there" You said pointing your chopstick at him.

"Hypothetically though, if I did just so happen to lose my brothers money that he gave me, what would you do?" he asked and you got nervous again, once again you pray to Jesus almighty above that this better be another one of his silly tricks.

"Well obviously I would pay for the bill and have you take me on two more dates until I feel better." You answered and he pulled out the money smiling widely.

"Well thank God I didn't lose it" he chuckled and you shook my head.

Suddenly Stephen walked over with a bowl of something.

"Stephen why is something moving in that bowl?" You asked moving to the other side of the table behind Jungkook.

Before Stephen could answer Jungkook rushed over closer to the bowl pulling you along with him.

"Ojing-eo!" I haven't eaten this since my 13th birthday party. My dad had fished it up for me." He smiled fondly at the memory and took his chopsticks taking the squirming tentacles out putting a dollop of wasabi on it before stuffing it in his mouth.

"It still tastes amazing"

You didn't even know what to say or do. Stephen chuckled nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"You two have a good night"

He grabbed the bowl and turned on his heel walking back to the kitchen.

"Did I do something wrong?" Jungkook asked looking at me as he sucked up the rest of the tentacle into his mouth.

"Not necessarily, but I will say I also wasn't expecting to see that." You said trying to hold in your laugh.

"Do you want to try this?" He asked holding the tentacle up to you.

You stared at it as it moved before looking back at him and shaking your head.

"I would like to politely decline your offer if that's okay with you." You said picking up some more of your own food before eating it.

"I'm sorry, that was kind of gross wasn't it?" He blushed in embarrassment and looked down.

"Not gross, because it's a cultural thing, but very different. But if you enjoy it then who am I to judge." You smiled at him and wiped the side of his face with a napkin.

"Yeah, we are definitely going on another date in the future. You are perfect holy crap." He said.

All you could do was chuckle and nod in agreement.

Once the dinner was over, Jungkook paid Stephen, and the two of you left the restaurant.

"What do you want to do now?" He asked, taking your hand into his.

"Well it's not too late to get dessert." You guys stopped in the middle of the market and just held hands.

"I've got the perfect dessert right here in front of me." He said looking down at you.

You both went silent before you both burst into laughter.

"Yeah that was cringy and I apologize." He shook his head and sighed loudly.

"I'm the worst."

You took this as an opportunity to lean in and place your lips onto his waiting for a reaction from him. You relaxed when he wrapped his arms around you and kissed back slowly pulling you closer to him. The owners of the restaurant clapped behind you two and you pulled away from his lips and giggled.

"You got your salty tears in my mouth!" you exclaimed and he smirked at you

"Jungkook if you say anything remotely pervy I will slap you and not look back" you warned him pointing at him.

He just shrugged and leaned in this time taking the initiative to kiss you slowly gliding his tongue across your lower lip.

"Alright Jungkook that's enough! I know who your mother is and she would not be proud of you right now!" Stephen said and Jungkook kissed your lips again before pulling away but still holding you close to his chest.

"I had a lot of fun tonight Jungkook, I really did." you mumbled rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

"Good, because I planned on taking you out again this week, if it's okay with you." he said rubbing your back and you nodded your head.

Suddenly Thinking Out Loud  started playing and you two looked over to see Stephen and Miranda dancing in the middle of their shop. Jungkook stood back and bowed in front of you.

"Can I have this dance with a beautiful lady such as yourself?" He asked you and you curtsied him.

"Yes sir you may" you granted him permission and he walked back over and held your right hand in his and placed his left hand on your lower back.

"Tonight is truly like a fairy tale" you said

"The only thing we're missing is fireworks." he said and you both jumped at the sound of fireworks.

"Well what do you know?" He said and you both looked outside.

"Oh hey guys!" Namjoon, your neighbor, said waving at you guys from the outside of his shop

"Hey Namjoon" you and Jungkook said chuckling as you both looked at each other and finished the night with more dancing and kisses.

[oreopata]

The Auckland Mining Gallery trip

I had one hell of a day on Thursday. ^^ As usual, I went to my weekly art class. It was great to be back after having missed a fortnight due to some work being done in the town hall. Putting a new varnish down on the wooden floor. The pungent smell meant we had to keep away. It still had a little bit of a lingering scent when we were there. It honestly made my nose itch and quite a few of our eyes watered. Trish couldn’t stay inside because the smell made her feel ill. Otherwise it was tolerable enough for us to continue.

The previous lesson, we’d been instructed to bring in three items to do some life drawing. I picked a few things from around my office: A couple of peacock ore stones, my red Maneki Neko, my silver fox plushie and the silver London snow globe/music box I got for Christmas.

 One of the things a lot of us will do is just get up from our workspace and have a nosey-round to see what everyone else is doing. It’s great to see what everyone else is doing. One of the best things you can do as an artist is to surround yourself with people that are creative and talented. It makes a nice change from always being physically isolated from other artists. When a couple of them came around to see what I was doing, they seemed really impressed. I was only in the sketch stage, which I first do with a blue sketching pencil (like the ones most comic artists use). They seemed much more impressed than I thought they would, especially in this early stage. But since they pointed it out, I guess I was doing well in capturing the angle I could see it from. One woman said I could teach her a few things. I laughed, thinking she was buttering me up. After all, the people in that class have more years of experience and knowledge behind them. Plus, right now, my forte is in drawing, as opposed to painting. So, I’m still unsure as to how I’ll finish it. I’ve been thinking about how I haven’t gone near acrylics for so many years. I wonder what oil paints are like? 

We always finish up the class at 12, so we agreed that at half past, we’d meet outside the No.42 art gallery at half past. At first I wasn’t sure what to do, since I’m the only one there that doesn’t drive. Luckily, the woman I always chat with and sit next to was kind enough to give me a lift. Even stopping outside my house first, so I could swap my large case full of art supplies that I wheel to the class with my handbag.  While she was getting parked, it allowed me to stroll down Bondage and see what’s happening. The book shop down there, that I just adore, had a sign in it, promoting that they had many mining books for sale. I’m hoping I can have a look in there soon. It’s wonderful to see the town get into the spirit of celebrating our mining history.

Of course, if we were going to meet outside the No.42, we’d be fools to not have a look in to pass the time. I always love having a look in there. One woman who attends our classes, Susana, had some wonderful pieces on display. Both from the fabric art she does and (my personal favourites) the drawings she’d done around the local castles. You can find her work here (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009210100667&hc_ref=ARQ7gnrfQ6j41qRNVIZsQilHKcMYsKDf5k98DghwOxUxscWxJvhzi7VV3siPbDRIge8&fref=nf) They’ve also got quite a few books on sale about our local art history. Including a book on Spanish art in the Bishop Auckland castle. I took the opportunity to take a couple photos in the No.42, since I knew that going into the Auckland Mining gallery we wouldn’t be able take photos – for obvious reasons.

 It’s got me thinking about how I would love to submit to these galleries, but I just wonder if a lot of them would take umbridge with mixed/digital mediums. A lot of galleries tend to turn their noses up at those kinds of things. Even though I still really want to get more practice with colouring in traditional mediums. Honestly, knowing the rules of both mediums really help you when drawing with either. It’s kind of like how you can’t do good cartooning without an understanding of anatomy and you can’t really colour that well digitally without looking carefully at how things are lit or observing how it works with painting.

One point of interest is the marvellous curtain of poppies draped over the entrance to the town hall. The photo doesn’t do it justice (because like an idiot, I’d forgotten my camera and had to use my iPad.)

The Mining gallery itself was incredible. They really put in the effort to make the building atmospheric to support the paintings. The walls being painted dark, ambient sounds of water dripping and shifting stones playing around you and a very particular but inoffensive smell really put you in that mining environment. The paintings on display were stunning. Since I have no pictures to show you, I highly recommend you go down there to check it out. I adored seeing paintings in so many different styles. Even spotting some very graphic, art deco styles. I loved how most of them didn’t shy away from the emotion and humanity of our mining history. It’s certainly what I’m most interested in.

My absolute favourite painting was a large one; “The Hartley Disaster” by H.H. Emmerson. I found myself absolutely hypnotised by it. I adored the colours, the composition, the size, the brush work and mostly of all, the emotion and faces. I have a soft-spot for compelling pictures that capture emotion. I still REALLY wish I could have been able to buy a print piece to frame and hang in my house. Even looking on Google Images doesn’t do it justice, as a lot of the pictures aren’t good quality.

As I walked around, I had my sketchbook in hand. Scribbling down anything I could see or ideas that came to mind. They were never going to be good. I had to do them quickly to get the most important details and basic gestures. That said, I still had a few staff members peek over my shoulder and compliment me on the sketches. It was so nice, but also mildly embarrassing, since I thought they looked awful. XD I was great talking to them, to learn more about what was happening in the paintings and getting more information on the props and genuine mining items on display.

Of course, I was never going to walk away from there empty handed. I bought a few stationary items, a postcard print and a book full of our mining history and pieces called “Shafts of Light”

After we were all done in the museum, we had a look across the street for a bite to eat in a Café. I had myself some nice smoked salmon sandwiches with a side of sweet potato chips and a nice slice of Red velvet cake to go. Felt like an appropriate way to end off such a good day. I had such a wonderful time just having a bite with those of us left, chatting, having a laugh. The class is one of few occasions where I don’t feel like an odd one out (Despite how much I REALLY look like an odd one out amongst them.) After all, I was viscously bullied and ostracised in my school years. And ever since my gran died, I really have been alone amongst my family. Now that the person I loved, related to and talked to the most was gone forever. Even she said that there were two groups of people in this world – me and her, then everyone else. And of course, with her death, I had to be the support for everyone else. But I didn’t really have much of a shoulder to cry on or able to talk to myself. One family member often telling me how they’d kill themselves if not for me and just having a lot of pressure on my shoulders. But I could go on forever about how things have turned to shit since her passing. 

Much to my surprise, when I posted this on Facebook, Trish commented; “Love the sketches, and the blog! But why would you be the odd one out sitting in the café with us, lol. We are all crackers. Think they were speedily locking up behind us, haha.”

Getting that comment, plus everything I feel and experience during the class is honestly overwhelming. Despite how I look different to everyone else, am a different age to everyone in the class (everyone else is likely older than my parents, which is fine with me, since I’m a bit of an old soul. Even as a bairn, I found teachers more comprehendible to talk to than my peers), it really feels like I’m welcome and I’m not getting the same judgements on my appearance and everything else, which has become frequent with others around me (mainly family)

With this day out, I’m feeling inspired to draw pieces based on our Mining in the North East. 

If you want to see the images relating to everything I'm talking about, I've made a Facebook gallery here:

[joepamter589-blog]

Keto diet meal plan for you

So you've heard the arguments, weighed out the challenges and benefits, and decided you're all in. You're going keto.

First off, you're in good company. More people—and more athletes—than ever are embracing a very low-carb, high-fat diet and sticking with it for months, or even years, on end. Once they successfully make the switch from using carbohydrates to using fat and ketones for fuel, they find they're leaner, healthier, and more mentally focused than ever.

But for every lifter who ends up loving the ketogenic diet, you'll find another who had a miserable experience and bailed after just a few days. This is a shame, because they probably could have felt great if they had simply had a better plan—or a plan at all.

 I'm not here to sell you on nutritional ketosis or explain what it is or the big-picture benefits it can provide. That's the domain of other articles. With the help of Myoplex athlete and longtime keto-adapted athlete Jason Wittrock, I'm here to provide you with your best induction experience.

 keto smoothie for constipation recipes

http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/keto-smoothie-for-constipation-do-they-work/

 Here's what you need to know to ace your nutrition and supplementation during the crucial first month of ketogenic dieting, along with a complete sample meal plan!

 Your Must-Have (And Must-Not-Have) Keto Food List

Ready to head out the door and start buying groceries? Slow down there, chief. Go through the pantry, fridge, freezer, and secret stashes under the bed, and get rid of foods with any significant carb content. In the first few days, you could end up craving them—badly. This means fruit, too. Even carrots and onions are too high-glycemic to work with keto, Wittrock says.

 Got that done? Cool. Now, here are some of the staples you should build your ketogenic diet around:

 • Fatty nuts and seeds: cashews, macadamia nuts, pumpkin seeds

• Avocado

• Whole eggs

• Full-fat cheese

• Beef: ground chuck (80/20), filet mignon, porterhouse, ribeye

• Chicken: Thighs and legs

• Vegetables: spinach and other greens, broccoli, asparagus, cabbage, mushrooms, bell pepper

• Pork rinds

• Olive oil

• Salted butter

• Heavy cream

• Sour cream

• Cream cheese

• Fatty fish: salmon, mackerel, sardines, anchovies

• Bacon

• Chicken broth or bouillon cubes with at least 1 gram sodium

 That last item may surprise you, but for many people, it makes all the difference.

 "Chicken broth is absolutely critical on this diet as a way to ensure you're getting enough sodium," Wittrock explains. "Any time a client calls me and feels bad, I immediately tell them to drink a cup of chicken broth, and their symptoms usually go away."

 Why? When carbs are cut, we rapidly deplete glycogen, the stored form of carbohydrate. For every gram of glycogen we lose, we lose 3 grams of water. Addition of the bouillon will help prevent dehydration and improve the way you feel on the diet. Water isn't enough on keto; you need enough sodium, too.

 Why Am I Sweating On Keto Diet

http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/why-am-i-sweating-on-keto-diet/

 Having some super-fatty treats to help you hit your ambitious macros is also a must. Luckily, many people have already gone where you're going and have come up with some tricks to make the transition to ketosis easier for you.

 "You can find a lot of "fat bomb" recipes on the Internet," Wittrock says. "These are very good at satisfying your sweet tooth, and are a great way to increase fat consumption without going over on protein. Also, I'm a huge fan of salted pumpkin seeds and salted sunflower seed kernels. Believe it or not, pork rinds are also a very good keto snack."

Want even more guidance? Teryn Sapper, MS, lead registered dietician for the Department of Human Sciences at The Ohio State University, has written out a sample meal plan to get you up and running.

 Keto Diet Meal Plan for Beginners

 Breakfast Option 1: Fried Eggs With Sautéed Veggies And Bacon

Olive Oil

1 tbsp

Eggs (fried in butter)

2 large

Bacon

2 pieces

Spinach

3/4 cup

Mushrooms (sautéed with spinach in bacon grease)

1/2 cup

Breakfast Option 2: The "No Egg" Breakfast

Sausage (check to make sure it's sugar-free)

1 oz.

Bell Pepper (roasted in 1 tbsp olive oil)

1 cup

Cheese (pepper jack)

1 oz.

Lunch Option 1: Taco Salad

Ground Beef (80/20)

3 oz.

Taco Seasoning

2 tsp

Romaine Lettuce (sliced)

2 cups

Cherry Tomato

3

Cheese (cheddar)

1.5 oz.

Avocado

1/4

Sour Cream

1/4 cup

Lunch Option 2: BLT Lettuce Wrap

Romaine Lettuce (sliced)

3 large leaves

Bacon

6 pieces

Chicken (grilled)

2 oz.

Cherry Tomato

5 small

Cheese (monterey jack)

1 oz.

Mayonnaise

2 tbsp

Dinner Option 1: Pork Chop With Mushroom Sauce And Steamed Asparagus

Pork (chops)

4 oz.

Olive Oil

1/2 tbsp

Mushrooms

3/4 cup

Butter

1 tbsp

Garlic (minced)

1 tsp

Spices (ground thyme)

1 pinch

Heavy Whipping Cream

3 tbsp

Asparagus (steamed)

1/2 cup

Butter

1 tbsp

Dinner Option 2: Baked Salmon With Loaded Baked "Potatoes" Note: Combine all ingredients except salmon, and bake at 350 until browned.

 OMAD Keto Recipes With Meal Plan

http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/omad-keto-recipes-with-meal-plan/

 Salmon (with 1/2 tbsp butter)

4 oz.

 Cauliflower (steamed and mashed)

3/4 cup

Butter

1 1/2 tbsp

Sour Cream

2 tbsp

Bacon

1 piece

Scallions

1 tbsp

Cheese (cheddar)

1.5 oz

 Anytime Quick Keto Meal: "Fridge to Pan"

 This is an easy way to make a tasty, keto-friendly meal—and clear out the fridge. The more variety in the ingredients, the better! Macros will vary on this one depending on the protein and veggies you use.

Add the following to a skillet with butter or olive oil:

 • Protein: Ground beef, sausage, bacon, chicken, eggs

• Veggies: Bell peppers, onion, cabbage, mushrooms, asparagus, tomato, zucchini

• Sugar-Free Seasoning: Salt, pepper, garlic, taco, ranch

• Cheese: Just grate it on top and let it melt.

Snack Ideas:

• Jerky (Watch the carbs here, because different flavorings can add to the carb count quickly.)

• Cubed cheese

• Nuts and seeds

• Pork rinds

• Veggies and dip

• Sugar-free jello

 Calculating and Hitting Your Macros for Keto

 You may think you've got what it takes to make the switch to keto without tracking your macronutrients, but you're probably wrong. Getting your macros correct is the most important aspect of starting down the path of a ketogenic diet.

 "Yes, tracking macros can be cumbersome and tedious, but it's absolutely essential during the first few weeks of a keto diet," says Wittrock. "The diet likely goes against everything you have done before, so tracking your macros gives you feedback and allows you to troubleshoot until you get the hang of it."

 No matter what your diet has been before now, keto will be a big change. If you're coming from a standard American diet (SAD), your carbs will go way down, your protein may either go up or down, and your fat will go way up. If you're coming from a bodybuilding-style diet, your fat intake will jump to alarming levels, and your protein will likely drop significantly.

 My protein will drop? You read that right. A keto diet meal plan represents a carbohydrate-restricted, high-fat, moderate-protein approach to macro distribution. Here's how the macros end up looking for most people:

 • Carbohydrates: 5-10 percent

• Fats: 70-75 percent

• Protein: 15-20 percent

Start your calculations with carbs and protein, keeping your carbohydrates at less than 50 grams per day. Wittrock found that he likes to go even lower.

 "I recommend only 5 percent of calories coming from carbs, which usually averages out to less than 30 grams," he says. "I understand why people get nervous and panic, thinking 'Can I even eat a salad?' This is why I recommend tracking only 'net carbs', which are total carbs minus fiber. For example, an avocado has 12 grams of carbs but 10 grams of fiber, which means it has 2 grams of net carbs. Also, green leafy vegetables are very nutritious and contain a lot of fiber, so you can almost eat them as much as you want and stay below your limit.

"In terms of protein," he adds, "it is often recommended that athletes following a ketogenic diet set protein between 0.6 and 1.0 grams per pound of lean mass—not per pound of body weight. Below is an example of how you could calculate the protein needs of a 180-pound lifter who has 15 percent body fat:

 • 180 lbs. x 0.15 = 27 lbs. of fat

• 180 lbs. - 27lbs. = 153 lbs. lean mass

• 153 lbs. x 0.6 g = 91.8 g

• 153 lbs. x 1.0g = 153 g

• Protein range = 92-150 g per day

If you don't know your percent of body fat, either get tested or use our calorie calculator and multiply your daily intake by 0.15-0.20 to determine your daily protein needs.

 Why So Little Protein On Keto?

 If you're accustomed to a protein intake well over your body weight—let alone your lean body mass—you may be skeptical about a diet that demands you reduce protein intake by as much as half. Wittrock can relate.

 "In the beginning, I was terribly worried that I would lose muscle mass because of the low protein intake," he says. "But, I lost absolutely no muscle and was able to add lean mass to my physique. How is this possible? It's because ketones have a 'protein sparing' effect. So tons of protein is not necessary."

 What happens if you go too high? Simple: Say goodbye to ketosis! Certain amino acids are gluconeogenic, which means that they can actually be used to make carbohydrates.

 Put another way, keeping your protein intake too high could end up having the same effect as eating too many carbs. That said, once you gain more experience with your personal levels of ketosis, you can start playing with how much protein you consume in a day. Wittrock says he stays right around 20 percent.

 How To Maintain Weight After Stopping Keto Diet

http://www.weightlossandketodiet.com/how-to-maintain-weight-after-stopping-keto-diet/

 Living The Fat Life

 The easiest macro to calculate in the ketogenic diet is fat. Once you've got your carbs and protein set, simply fill the rest of your daily calorie needs with fat sources. If you find yourself wanting to gain a bit of weight, add approximately 500 calories, or 55 grams. If you want to lose weight, cut down on your fat intake by 200-500 calories, or 22-55 grams.

 When following a ketogenic diet, most people inherently start with a fat phobia and are scared to lather it on. Wittrock remembers these days vividly.

 "It was extremely difficult," he recalls. "You spend your entire life hearing that fat makes you fat and causes heart attacks and strokes. Now, all of a sudden, you're eating 200 grams of fat per day. There is a huge psychological component to conquer before you can become successful with the keto diet. In the beginning, it's like trying to convince people 1,000 years ago that the world is in fact round, not flat."

 Still, it can be hard to get enough fat when you first start this diet. Butter, nuts, coconut and olive oils, and fatty cuts of meat are all on the menu. However, don't go overboard with polyunsaturated fats like soybean, corn, or sunflower oil. Keto dieters who increase their intake of those fats often end up with gastrointestinal distress that causes them to jump ship.

[rb-abroad]

London

I went to London for the first time on this trip, and what an incredible city it is! I spent about a week and a half there, partly with my sis (the best!!) feat. an Else cameo (also the best!!), partly by myself. This was my first time ever traveling alone, and I really enjoyed it. Because I spoke the language and was very familiar with the culture, London was the perfect way for me to dip my toe into solo travels. Now with this under my belt, I’m itching to go somewhere solo EVEN MORE DIFFERENT, perhaps try out my Spanish? :O But now I’m getting ahead of myself... Anyway, since I spent quite a bit of time in London, I’m going to list out my highlights and favorite things to do instead of going day by day. Here it goes!

FOOD

Obviously I’m going to start with this category... ok the food in London is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. You are really spoilt for choice here, but luckily I was armed with some fantastic recommendations from my pals (shoutout to Ari, Courtney, Rhys, Simon, and all the other cool people I’m forgetting to mention!). In no particular order, here are some of my absolute favorite places to eat in London:

Dishoom

If you’re a fan of Indian food, do yourself a favor and treat yo’self to a meal at Dishoom. The food is incredible and the decor is super cool (I went to the Shoreditch location). Try their signature House Black Daal and Dishoom IPA!

Flat Iron

BEST. STEAK. I’VE. EVER. HAD. And so affordable! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t go twice :X Get the flat iron steak with fries (duh) and live your damn life.

^drooling just looking @ this

Borough Market

A no-brainer! I got the scotch eggs from Scotchtails and a cream-filled donut from Bread Ahead. Sarah got some veggie Ethiopian food that was also amazing.

Breakfast Club

Tasty 24-7 breakfast spot with a fun diner vibe! I got the traditional English breakfast but they have lots of American-style bfast options (read: pancakes, avo toast, etc. etc.).

Monty’s Deli

Didn’t think I’d find incredible deli food in London, but I sure did! Monty’s has their own brick and mortar in Shoreditch (conveniently and dangerously located across the street from my Airbnb) and also a stand at Spitalfields market. I got the turkey sandwich and latkes and my mind was BLOWN.

Look at that gorgeous pickle tho

Still dreaming bout these beauties...

The Approach Tavern

Sunday roasts are a thing in England, and even though our Sunday weather was approx. 80F, we did the damn thing. If you’re in the Bethnal Green area, be sure to check out The Approach. Their roast (and salmon) was insanely delicious, they have a good beer selection, and the tavern was so cute and friendly! They had dogs, name that tune, outdoor seating... everything you could want!

TRADE

Your classic trendy, tasty, ‘Gram-able brunch spot, located in Shoreditch.

Granger and Co

Your classic trendy, tasty, ‘Gram-able brunch spot, located in Notting Hill. Make sure to stroll around the neighborhood after - it’s so cute!

Sonita’s at Camden Market

We know that London has some incredible Indian food, so I died and went to heaven at the Sonita’s stand at Camden market. I had 3 different curries in one lil box and I never wanted it to end. They use healthy and high-quality ingredients, so even though you are quite full afterwards, you don’t hate yourself!

CookDaily

Vegan asian fusion. The pad thai was off tha chain!

Beigel Bake

Last and most ratchet.... OMG BEIGEL BAKE. Open 24 hours and serving up pastrami bagel realness, this place is perfect for the post-pub drunchies or to bring you back to life the morning after a big night out. Cash only and cheap AF!

DRINK

It should be no surprise that booze culture in London is REAL. From craft beer to wine to one-of-a-kind cocktails, this city has it all. 

Callooh Callay

An absolutely adorable cocktail bar in Shoreditch with incredible drinks and decor. Sit at the bar and befriend the bartender :) A must-do!

Satan’s Whiskers

Not only does this place have an awesome name, it’s also decorated with crazy taxidermy and has a super inventive cocktail menu. Great for a pre-dinner drink in Bethnal Green!

Dandelyan

Swanky AF cocktail bar along the Thames River Walk and inside the Mondrian Hotel. Would recommend if you’re in the area. 

Gordon’s Wine Bar

An incredible 19th-century wine bar that makes you feel like you’re drinking in a cave. So cool!!

Veeno

I did an Airbnb experience for a food and wine pairing here, and it was really fun! I ended up being the only person who signed up (lol) so I got allll this food to myself! 

Airbnb East London Pub Crawl

On my last night, I signed up for a pub crawl through Airbnb (link HERE) and had the best time! As a solo (female) traveler, it was a great opportunity to meet other people and feel comfortable and safe going out at night. We went to so many great craft beer spots, and I’d recommend them all -  Mother Kelly’s, Redchurch Brewery, Old Street Brewery & Taproom, The King’s Arms, and Kill the Cat. 

THINGS TO DO

Of course there is more to do than just eat and drink! Here are some of my favorite things I did in London:

Shakespeare’s Globe Theater

If you are into live theater, you GOTTA see a show at the Globe. I’d recommend getting the groundlings tickets online or by lining up at the theater the day of the show (90 mins before or something like that). They are only 8 pounds a piece and you get to stand right in front of the stage! Sarah and I saw Twelfth Night together and then I went back by myself for Hamlet. They switched a lot of gender roles in both productions and that was really, really cool (Hamlet has so many great male roles and they were pretty much all played by women... yaaaaaas!). Cannot recommend this enough!

Waitin’ in line!

The magnificent Globe

Second row standing for Twelfth Night!!!

The Ferryman on the West End

THE FERRYMAN WAS AMAZING. See it now. We were in the nosebleeds and still had a great time. Also, they serve ice cream in the theater during intermission - what else do you need?

Tate Modern

I LOVE the fact that the museums in London are free. They are pretty massive and intimidating and it’s not easy to get all the way through the big ones in one visit. I had a few spare hours and popped into the Tate Modern, which I loved. I saw a special exhibit about political art and then one of the permanent exhibitions. Absolutely worth a visit!

The British Museum

Another massively daunting museum, but the sheer variety of things to see is pretty incredible. Luckily the museum guide has some suggested self-guided tours based on how much time you have to spend inside. If you go to one museum in London, this should be it.

Thames River walk

If you want to get your steps in, take a walk along the Thames River. You can hit many iconic stops along the way, such as Big Ben, the Tate Modern, the Globe, London Bridge, Borough Market, which brings me to my next recommendation...

The Markets!

There are sooo many amazing open-air markets in London with delicious food and unique shopping. My favorites were Borough Market, Spitalfields Market, and Camden Market, but there are many more!

Brick Lane

A super cool street and market that has many shops & thrift stores, lots of food, street art, street musicians, and CURRYYYY! Very fun to stroll around on the weekends; it’ll be packed!

High Tea

OK technically this is a food thing, but it’s really more of an activity/experience. There are a lot of options out there for high tea, but we found a fun and cheap(ish) one at B Bakery near the West End. Super cute!

Harrods

It was so fun to wander around inside this famous, humungous department store! My favorite part of course was the food court area, but I’d also recommend the tea room for an afternoon pick-me-up.

Just strollin’

You can’t go wrong just walking around!! 

Selfie as you stroll ;)

Day trip to Brighton

Brighton is super easy to get to by train for the day (just don’t be an idiot like me and try to use your Oyster Card to get there... buy a separate ticket!). Spend the day sitting on the beach, eating incredible seafood (get the mussels!!) at Regency Restaurant, strolling along the pier, getting chocolate-wasted at  Choccywoccydoodah (the place is just as wild as its name suggests), and checking out the Asian-inspired architecture and garden at the Royal Pavillon. Brighton also has a really cool performance art scene with its own fringe festival, which I would love to check out next time. 

Just a happy lil sea creature!

Died and went to mussel heaven

The interior of Choccywoccydoodah... these are all completely made out of chocolate!

Dangerous lemon cake :O

And that’s the London wrap-up! Here’s a bonus picture of our Airbnb host’s dog Ray. She is a true queen. Ok bye!

[bfellicious]

Geography; what do you remember most about that course? I had quite some Geography classes while growing up. What I remember most are the giant maps on the walls in the classroom and there always was a globe somewhere in that room. At home we had an illuminated globe ball. Geography has never been my strong suit, but learning on a spinning globe was definitely easier and fun! The globe I had while growing up is actually nothing compared to the globes of Bellerby & Co. Globemakers; sorry mom and dad ;). Bellerby & Co. Globemakers all started when Peter Bellerby’s search for a globe for his father’s birthday ended up in the decision to make his own globe. How difficult can it be to make a ball and put a map on it? Since there are no ‘how to make your own globe’ books, it turned into a trial and error for about 2-4 years and 100 attempts. Licensing maps, morphing a rectangular maps into gores, make a ball, how to balance the ball,… Goring the globe itself took about 18 months to perfect. The idea that hatched in a pub in London, changed into a thriving business. Trained globemakers are creating these high quality hand made globes in a studio in North London. From the stand, to the artwork, the painting and map-making, each globe is expertly crafted using traditional and modern globemaking techniques. It truly is a world in motion.

I became very fascinated by the work of Bellerby & Co Globemakers, so I asked some questions to Peter Bellerby, the one who creates masterpieces with his team and who literally holds the world in his hands every single day.

Credit photo: Cydney Cossette ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

What makes Bellerby & Co. Globemakers unique?

We are handcrafting and hand painting terrestrial and celestial globes of our own design… all here in London. Everything we can do and can source locally we do and that is pretty much everything apart from some more exotic woods we work with time to time. Next to the usual factory made globes you get these days, we think ours are pretty unique.. and literally no two will ever be exactly the same. Our customers can also choose to have us add hand drawn illustrations, their favourite quotes in hand written calligraphy, trace travel routes and add bespoke cartography.

Credit Photo: Team Isis, Jon, and Emma. ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

What do you look for in people when you are hiring?

We look for talented artists and designers who want to make a living working with their hands rather than… say.. behind a computer. Everyone spends at least 6 months training. It requires a lot of patience and commitment to get to a place where you can actually make a high quality handmade globe, so really it is about finding someone really passionate and stubborn! It takes a huge amount of concentration and attention to detail, awareness of hands and body. No one can be experienced specifically before joining our team so it is all about finding people who are passionate about being given a chance and letting them go at it to see if they actually enjoy the work.

Photo by Tom Bunning for part of his ‘Crafted’ Series. ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

A Bellerby & Co. Globe is a handcrafted and hand painted modern world globe, made with love in London by a team of highly trained artisans in London.

What is the most difficult / crucial step in the process of making a globe?

Laying the gores is the hardest part and what requires the most training. If you can imagine taking a piece of paper, wetting it and then stretching it within an inch of its life without tearing it or allowing the paper to turn to mush. We have to be aware of overlapping as you can lose cities or whole countries if one piece of the paper goes over another. Until you lay the last gore you don’t know if you have measured right and may have to start again.

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Photo by Tom Bunning for part of his ‘Crafted’ Series. ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

Photo by Tom Bunning for part of his ‘Crafted’ Series. ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

  Most memorable globe you made? The most challenging one?

Every new size or style of globe we make comes with a new set of challenges. Every size requires a new set of skills as they are all made slightly different. Each of us for the most part specialises in one size.  The hardest.. when we made an Egg-Shaped globe for the Elephant Family to auction off. We had to design the cartography to suit the shape, re-do the mathematics involved with marking up the globe and hand cutting the gores, and create a hand case brass meridian to hold it and allow it to spin, also in that egg shape rather than a proper sphere. We are now working on a globe for the Louvre Museum in Paris which is posing a lot of challenges as we are using Coronellis original etched copper plates. They are housed in Paris behind lock and key so they will be hand printing the gores there and we will be making here. We have to work out a few crucial details from a man who has long passed away and left no hints to get it just right. The globe will hang above the main staircase so we want it to be perfect.

Photo Credit: Ana Santi ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

Have you noticed a shift in people buying globes? Is there a high demand?

I have noticed a shift luckily. We are booked solidly with orders until Summer 2017 and our team has grown from 4 to 15 in a few years. I think we got a lot of press attention and social media attention early on which really helped spread our story around the world. I think there has been a shift lately and more people see the value in a high quality products and objects over a factory made ones. Every day we are meeting people hand carving spoons, hand smoking salmon, forging their own knives etc.. it’s great. But yeah, when I started everyone thought it was a crazy idea so I am happy people seem to love what we are doing as much as I do.

Credit photo: Ana Santi ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

How would you describe a day in the life of a Bellerby & Co. Globemaker?

There is no normal day and no one in the team has a strict structure to stick to. Sometimes you are working on something and you just have to walk away and spend some time on something else. There is for the most part a serene atmosphere and everyone spends time chatting and catching up and then other time with headphones in… in their own little world. For me… I make globes as well as manage the team, admin, accounts, run the errands all over town and try and keep the studio generally up and running – so I am rarely sitting or standing still for more than a moment. I am the sole owner of the company and its a private company, so with a team of 15 and my own schedule of globes due to go out, sometimes I don’t know whether i am coming or going. I check each and every globe throughout the making and painting process and help train new apprentices.

The team ‘Bellerby & Co. Globemakers’. Credit photo: Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

What do you love most about your job?

Being able to do something I love everyday, being happy to go into work each morning, working in a beautiful, colourful artistic environment and being able to employ talented artists here in London.

Favorite spot in the world?

I equally love many places around the world for different reasons, it’s hard to just single out one spot. New York City of course for the architecture and buzz, Mexico City is somewhere I have been only once but felt instantly at home. Bangkok Thailand I have been to 5 times and appreciate it for both for the beauty and culture and endless things to explore. But we have to remember all the beauty we have right on our doorstep as well. I love a road trip through Europe, the small towns in Italy, France, Spain, Germany, driving through Switzerland… cities like Sevilla Spain, Rome, Athens … I am happy many places it is too hard to choose… but most of all I love to wake up somewhere brand new with the excitement of exploring and seeing it for the first time.

Peter Bellerby. Credit Photo: Kasia Bobula ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

What are your hopes for the future?

To continue to do what I love, to grow the team a little more and then stop growing.. we will never be a huge factory mass producing and I think we are almost big enough now! I want to keep working on improving our craft, designing new bases and trying our new colours and styles. Maybe opening up a second studio in America someday. I am not a big planner though, I like things to progress organically and hopefully we can branch out to some interesting side projects and collaborations as well.

Your life mantra?

I believe in keeping an open mind and positive attitude and helping others wherever and whenever possible. In business I believe in creating quality products that I am proud of and always being open to others ideas and working as a team rather than running a dictatorship!

Credit photo: Ana Santi ~ Bellerby & Co. Globemakers

Thank you Peter Bellerby for this interview. The globes are all masterpieces and I can’t wait to have one of them in my own hands.

For more information about Bellerby & Co. Globemakers, you can visit their website or follow them on twitter, facebook and instagram. You can also watch some great videos on their youtube channel.

All pictures in this blog were used with permission of Bellerby & Co. Globemakers.

[BLOG] A World In Motion - Interview with Peter Bellerby @globemakers. #globes #artisanal #tradition #interview Geography; what do you remember most about that course? I had quite some Geography classes while growing up.