#so i have to keep my phone volume on [instead of on vibrate per always] and i also happen to have our mock trial end of year party

[lcrk]

.

[xseaxwitchxkpop]

NSFW Alphabet: Sub!Seonghwa Edition

A/N: idk anyone in Ateez who pushes the catboy agenda more than hwa and this precious soul just makes me have cute aggression. Lemme just remind everyone that stage presence ≠ bedroom preference, so he might be a demon on stage but I personally think he's very far from dominant in the bedroom. Also this is framed for a femme!presenting reader.

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A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

A very clingy baby! Even though he's the sub, he would want to hold you instead of the other way around; when you're cleaning up, give him a plushie to snuggle because he just feels very happy holding something. He would also have the most sparkly eyes ever, looking at you with pure love and adoration. He'll also be very hungry, so always have some food on hand and be prepared to be fed by him because "you need it, too, I don't care if you're my domme, lemme feed you and show you my love!"

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner��s)

He's fave part on himself is probably his eyes because he knows how expressive they are for him and how transparent they are -- his eyes always betray his true emotions and considering he's a more private person, he likes this. His fave part on you would be your breasts, but not in a sexual way; whether you're part of the itty bitty titty committee or big titty gang, he likes them as a comfort thing, groping them or sucking on your nipples, it's very calming and relaxing for him!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves his face to be covered in either pussy juices/"cum" (since, ya know, pussies don't ejaculate lmao anyway) or use fake cum (or real cum if you have an actual dick) to cover his face and/or inner thighs, it'll get him going like nothing else. He also loves seeing his midsection painted with his own cum and also eating his own cum.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Every once in a while, he likes to fuck his plushies. No one would suspect this because he takes much care in cleaning them immediately afterward, so they keep their softness and hugability. He's recorded himself doing it a few times but always either deletes the videos or keeps them in a separate, unsuspecting folder in his phone; he's thought about sending them to you but never could bring himself to do so.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's had a few hook ups but most of them have been pretty vanilla as many hook ups tend to be, he knows what he's doing especially with that tongue of his.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Probably missionary, with you on your back and him fucking you. He can easily kiss you, suck on your neck or nipples, and you can easily grab his hair roughly, pull him in closer, scratch his back with your nails, and you two can make intense eye contact. Yeah, that's his favorite position.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's more passionate about it than anything. He likes it rough but not necessarily fast, and he likes it soft but not necessarily gentle. It's a very delicate balance that he prefers most of the time and can be difficult to pin down when the mood has to be forced from either of you -- when that happens, he rather not have sex at all.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Trimmed, doesn't bother to shave and he doesn't care what you do; bush, no bush, trimmed, shaved, waxed, whatever. However, he likes it when you shave for him down there as a sweet bonding experience, nothing kinky or sexual.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's very sincere and very intense during sex, especially with someone he's romantically involved with because he's not the most open person and, like Yeosang, takes some prying open emotionally so when he shares that emotional part of himself and trusts that other person, that translates directly to the bedroom. He can be a little goofy if he's particularly happy that day, like giggly kisses n' shit, but otherwise very sincere, very intense.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he jacks off, you know about it because he sends you audios of himself getting himself off, complete with moans, whimpers, groans, muffling himself, and him cumming in the end of it. He never sends videos, though, because his ass has a voice kink. He masturbates semi regularly just because he has a high sex drive and you're not always available so he temporarily satisfies himself.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

So, this man, has some kinks that get me thinking. He has an oral fixation for sure, so anything involving his tongue; he definitely has a breeding kink like hard-core "let me breed you, mommy/daddy, I wanna give you babies" breeding kink, more so than San; temperature play; pegging/anal play; cock rings; nail scratching; biting/marking; kitten play; shibari; restraints; voice kink; ASMR kink.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Hmmmm, maybe the bedroom? He doesn't really have a favorite place to do anything because each place brings a different kind of thrill for him, so anywhere he can look at and easily imagine you commanding him to take you or you taking him is his favorite place. His least favorite place is the shower because the water washes away the lube and is just generally an annoying interruption.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Doing a sexy, feminine dance for you. Sexy girl group concepts? He learns the choreo and dances it just for you; turns him on because he enjoys you intently watching him while being just out of reach. Rubbing your hand up and down his thigh, no matter how innocent, will also turn him on greatly. Also if you cook for him -- it can be as simple as ramen but as soon as he sees that you cooked for him, he's ready to pounce you and be at your every command.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don't think he would be into piss play or scat play (absolutely no hate to people who are into this lol) but I think he wouldn't like them just because he's a bit of a clean freak and all he would see is a mess to clean up and that would definitely ruin the mood for him. Another definite turn off of his is extreme pain; he likes a little bit here and there, like slapping his ass and thighs, nail scratches wherever you scratch him, but flogging and riding crops are a no go for him.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He LIVES for giving oral and that's directly from his oral fixation. It keeps his mouth busy plus he gets to please his partner. Again, he also loves his face covered in cum and/or pussy juices, so oral is definitely such fun for him!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Moderate. He likes it a little faster than slower, but not exactly fast, if you get what I'm saying. He likes to feel you and you to feel him, so he wants it on the slower side of things but a slightly fast pace will be suitable for the most part. Only every once in a blue moon would he want you to fuck his brains out or to fuck yours out.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies involving penetration? Nah, not a fan. Quickies involving oral? Sign him the fuck up. He wants to see how fast he can get you to orgasm with just his tongue and since you derive such pleasure from it as well, you let him take on this challenge.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

As long as extreme pain is not involved, he's game for a lot of things. He's always wanted to try semi public sex, voyeurism, and submissive cuckolding, but he would only try this with one of his members since he trusts them quite a lot.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

I think he could probably go two, three rounds, maybe four if he has a crapton of energy for God only knows what reason. He has experience, jacks off sort of regularly, so he can last a good while in bed while being pounded into or pounding into you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He's got dildos of varying sizes because he, like San, is also a size queen. He has a couple of buttons plugs and some vibrators, along with handcuffs and bondage rope. He has a couple pairs of kitten ears and a matching choker and butt plug.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to tease, but not in a bratty way. It's a very sweet way, like poking your cheek and rubbing it like a cat as he strokes your inner thigh and ghosts your genitals, teases you with food like "hey if I make this dish, maybe you can fuck my ass tonight" and he'd act all cutesy about it, he'll make suggestive comments while making direct eye contact, and wiggle his butt sometimes.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He's a happy medium between San and Yeosang. Hwa makes noise - groans, whimpers, moans, mewling - but he isn't loud with them per say, they're very throaty noises and he uses his chest to make them so they're low in volume but frequent.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He quite prefers the natural noises of sex between you two rather than having a playlist or any other background noise going. He's sensitive to noise in the first place and the background noise could overwhelm him in a bad way.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He's average. Nothing too long, nothing too girthy, but boy does he know how to use his average dick regardless.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a bit of a high sex drive. Think like smack in the middle of average horny and extremely horny and that's Hwa. He can go like three days without sex with no complaints but coming up on a fourth day may be a little bit hard for him.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He becomes quite sleepy afterward, wanting to snuggle you to fall asleep while you rub his back up and down and he holds you and squeezes you like his personal plushie. It takes a while for him to actually fall asleep, but that's because it takes him a while to calm down enough to lull into a peaceful state of rest before succumbing to sleep.

[aminiatureworld]

Storms

Ship: RFA + Minor Trio and GN!Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 5,431 words total; about 700 per person

Premise: A rewrite of an old request I wrote back in 2017 (link here).

Author’s Note: These are less headcanons and more fics outlines lmao but hope you like this rewrite. I do considering I can barely stand reading the original, my writing has thankfully improved, and I hope it will continue to do so. I haven’t written in 2nd person in literal years (3rd person ftw) so I hope it doesn’t come off too strange. 

Two notes. Firstly I’ve done my best to make the reader gender neutral. If you catch any gendered terms feel free to tell me so I can fix it. Secondly, I haven’t played Another Story yet, rip my broke ass, so if V and Saeran are a bit out of character, that’s definitely why. I’m working on it haha. In regards to V I simply know almost nothing about his route, and in regards to Saeran I’ve decided to ignore what I know about his route, mostly because this was hitting 4,000 words at that point and an in depth HC involving canonical thing would probably be about that length. Sorry this is so long and thus the final HCs a bit rushed. Thanks for putting up with me! Hope you enjoy!

Ao3 link in reblog

Zen

Having a fear of thunderstorms was one of the most obnoxious fears on the planet sometimes. Especially when one is surround by 60 mph gusts of wind and the house one lives in feels like 80% glass.

This was the predicament you were left in when a series of storms passed through the first week you and Zen were officially dating. Oh joy.

Despite how in love you were with Zen, revealing one’s fears, especially when they seem vaguely irrational, is a difficult thing to do, so you teetered towards Option B

That being: Don’t tell anyone, keep calm, if you need to take a break go to the bathroom or say you forgot something in the bedroom. Okay? Okay.

However this flawless plan of attack lasted only about five minutes, and the first clap of thunder had you ready to bolt under the bed.

Zen, bless him, was utterly oblivious, listening to the backtrack of a song he was working on and occasionally making such benign comments as “that’s a lot of rain” or “wow that was loud”

Yeah. That was loud. Help me.

Eventually it got a bit… much, and you had to make your excuses about getting a book from the television/living room. Since it was in the “basement” part of the complex you’d figured that it’d be easier to hide out there. Just turn off all the lights, try to find earplugs, then count down the time until the storms were over.

Unfortunately the weather wasn’t adhering to this plan very well, how typical of it, as the storms were supposed to last until the early hours of the morning. And it wouldn’t exactly be unobtrusive to not eat.

So after ten minutes in the dark you went out to help Zen prepare dinner. At least no one needed to go to the grocery store. And today’s menu included Japchae, so always a treat! It was going to be okay, nothing was going to happen. It’s fine.

At least that’s what you told yourself until a particular bright flash of lightning streaked the sky and you promptly jumped and dropped the sweet potato noodles on the ground.

At this point Zen switched from oblivious to overly concerned. Say what you will about him but he was truly a sweetheart when he noticed something was wrong. As he helped you pick up the spilled noodles, assuring you that there was enough still in the package to use, he asked what was wrong

You explained that when you were little your grandparents had a house in a village in the countryside and one summer day lightning struck a powerline, causing it as well as two houses close to yours to burn down.

Zen responded with such concern. “Oh MC I’m so sorry to hear that! Was anyone hurt? No wonder you’re uncomfortable around storms now.”

“It was such a long time ago, and it’s so unlikely to happen again my lifetime… I don’t know why I’m still so afraid, it’s so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid to be afraid of something. You don’t have to hide your fears around me sweetheart. There’s no shame in it.”

Unfortunately words usually cannot make fears go away, but safe to say you were touched. Picking up the rest of the noodles and disposing them you and Zen shared a sweet series of hugs, and maybe you wouldn’t continued down that route if the water hadn’t begun to boil and dinner was once more brought back into stark focus.

Afterwards you guys ate in front of the tv, turning on a random crappy show and making fun of the announcer.

You could still hear the thunder every once in a while, but Zen made sure you felt safe and happy, cuddling you, doing something to draw your attention to him at the beginning of each clap of thunder, and keeping up a steady stream of conversation, even about the most mundane of things.

Your fear still wasn’t gone, and you still weren’t excited for the rest of the week, but at least you had someone with you who truly cared and was actively trying to make you feel better. You knew Zen would always be there for you, and that knowledge would carry you through the most anxious of times, to the other side.

You truly loved him so much.

Yoosung

Sometimes you wished that you could disappear into something as easily as Yoosung did, both with his games and with his studying.

Yoosung was in his first year of veterinarian medical school and, having just passed the first series of exams, had invited you over to the apartment he was leasing, for an evening of games, television, and overall hanging out. It would’ve been more of a date, but the weather was impressively stormy and, much to your relief, it was decided that staying inside was the better option.

Yoosung was loading up a game on the tv and you were checking to see what remained in the fridge, when a bolt of lightning raced across the sky; suddenly you became aware of just how very high up apartment buildings tended to be, and, much like usual, the logical part of your brain repeating Googled information about lightning rods was replaced by a static of anxiety floating around in your brain.

Returning to the TV room you nervously picked up the controller, hoping that Yoosung wouldn’t notice. Not that you didn’t trust him to understand, indeed you’d hardly met anyone as understanding as Yoosung, but it was more that years of being told “it’s just rain” had kinda gotten to your system.

The first half an hour or so was alright, the quiet mental notes you were taking told you that the storm was still far enough away, although there was no doubt it was getting closer; something reinforced by your, hopefully, discreet checking of the weather app.

When the storm arrived, oh boy did it arrive.

The winds felt unbearable, screaming terribly, rattling the windowpanes with fast, stinging rain, so much so the outside looked less like the outside and more like the middle of a whirlpool. A whirlpool that occasionally set itself on fire, the lightning dispersed by the odd shadows of the rain.

At this point all pretense fell out the window.

“MC?” Yoosung looked over as you’d dropped the remote and drawn your legs up to your chest, burying your face in your knees, all thoughts blocked out. “MC.” Yoosung said a little louder, putting his own remote down on the coffee table and scooting over to where you were sitting on the couch. “Hey.” He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, something vaguely uncomfortable considering the position you both were sitting in, but still a welcome presence, a bit of comfort making its way past your wall of fear.

“Not a huge fan of thunderstorms I see.” He said when the storm had calmed down a bit. You let out a shaky sort of laugh. Understatement of the century, wouldn’t you think?

“I have an idea!” Yoosung ran out of the room, leaving you to curl yourself up again, until he came back, a pair of headphones in hand.

“These are the best noise cancelling headphones I own, and they cost a fortune so they’d better work.” He placed them over your ears, and immediately you noticed how muffled the sound became. Evidently it must’ve shown on your face, because Yoosung smiled even wider, nodding gently before picking up his remote again.

As the storm continued so did the gaming. At some point you guys ended up thrown about the couch, cuddling each other, and occasionally knocking elbows when the gaming got intense. When things were finally over you two lay there a little longer, although you’d taken the headphones off.

“Thank you.” You whispered, content.

“For what?” Yoosung smiled. “That’s what boyfriends are for.”

“Not all boyfriends.” You countered “You’re special. The best boyfriend one could ask for.”

And you meant it.

Jaehee

I imagine both you and Jaehee not being huge fans of thunderstorms. They frightened you, and to Jaehee the volume gave her a headache, not to mention the fact you were both living in a cheap apartment on the ground floor while the coffee shop’s purchase was still new; and the whole structure had this obnoxious habit of vibrating with both the lightning and thunder, leaving everything a bit discombobulated and very unpleasant.

The coffee shop wasn’t much better really, open as it was, the whole front being 85% glass and only 15% brick.

So when you both checked your phones and saw that storms were on their way it was all about planning.

Since you couldn’t afford to close the shop for the week you instead put a large display in the windows, putting up cardboard trees, birds, and whatever else would block most of the view.

You went through the store, making sure everything unnecessary was unplugged.

Really it was probably a bit overkill, or at least Jumin and Seven certainly thought it was, but hey better safe than sorry.

The apartment was given the same treatment, blinds and shutters were closed, toasters and charging cords were unplugged, and Aspirin and earplugs were stocked up.

The week of the storms was really incredibly unpleasant, with you two sneaking in hugs and kisses whenever the line of customers was small, squeezing each other’s hands when a particularly bright streak of lightning flashed, or when the thunder seemed to become unbearable.

No dawdling home this week, much to the chagrin of both of you, who’d taking to park exploring and other such mundane things that both you and Jaehee had missed out on, her due to work and you due to being shut up in Rika’s apartment for eleven days.

Nevertheless neither of you were particularly keen to venture out in the middle of a storm, so instead you two headed home, a night’s worth of musicals and cuddling ahead of you.

Dinner was spent in front of the tv, although usually you two usually made a point to eat at the dining table it was in the most windowed room in the house and thus not meant to be.

Zen’s beautiful tenor might not have been enough to completely drown out the storms, but it was certainly a help, not to mention the large doses of cuddles you were giving one another.

But really the best part about it was just being able to talk freely about your fears, you both having the reference that those who don’t suffer with what’s widely considered an irrational fear in modern times don’t understand.

And that was really what kept it together for you two. You’ll always be there for one another, you’ll always understand one another.

Eventually the clock struck the hour and you both realized that not only would there be work tomorrow, but musicals can’t much be enjoyed when you’re only paying half attention.

You got ready for bed, both making a final sweep for plugged in appliances that might burn out if there should be an energy surge.

Right before you two drifted off to sleep you gave Jaehee a small kiss. “What was that for?” She whispered. Everything was so beautifully comfortable, so cozy and intimate, and your happiness in that moment overpowered all fear.

“I just love you, I love you so much.” You replied. Jaehee blushed, but returned the kiss.

“I love you too. Forever.”

Jumin

It’s not that you hid it from him because you were embarrassed, well at least that wasn’t the main reason. It was more Jumin’s habit of blowing everything out of proportion, to the point of hindrance. That was really what you were afraid of, you just needed calm, need comfort, not yoga or whatever was to be the cure. And not that Jumin couldn’t or wouldn’t give you comfort, but the likelihood of him giving you calm was maybe a bit more debatable.

So you tried to keep it hidden, mentioned nothing of it on your way out the door in the morning, avoiding the topic in the messenger, even when Seven started to go on and on about windspeed – did the bastard know something?

Things seemed to be going… okay? I mean they weren’t great, you were constantly pushing down the urge to hide in a closet or something, but hey Jumin wasn’t aware yet. Success?

The trip home was certainly unpleasant, and the text that your husband was working late again certainly didn’t seem promising, but hey there’d be Elizabeth, and the bedroom had amazing blackout curtains. So, yeah, it’d be fineeee.

At least it would be if the damn penthouse didn’t have windows for walls. Something that certainly wasn’t normal or part of the regular plan.

Nor was it really possible to take a nap with the thunder so loud and your thoughts running high, really it’d probably be better on the lower floors if you weren’t so sure of people being there.

At this point the plan became less of “don’t let Jumin know, play it cool” to “survive whatever the cost”, which yes perhaps was also an overreaction on your part, but you knew damn well that all rationality had long fled, and you weren’t about to go chasing after it, that wasn’t what you needed right now. Rationality was also what had you go into a google wormhole about terrifying lightning related accident. Need one say more?

So you picked up a perhaps a bit disgruntled Elizabeth the 3rd, and buried yourself under the covers, stroking her fur at regulated intervals, trying desperately to pay attention to the video you’d loaded on your phone, to less than perfect success.

You wouldn’t say that you were dozing when Jumin came home, it was more like you were so deep in your fears that you really didn’t have room to pay attention to anything else.

“MC?” Jumin was instantly alert when you didn’t run to greet him at the door, something that had really become tradition between the two of you. Him being also a bit of a worrier – and a bit being perhaps a gracious way of saying it, lovely though it can be – his first thoughts were that you’d hit your head and passed out somewhere, but the fact that Elizabeth had also not come to greet him clued him in that you two were most likely holed up somewhere, perhaps napping, as had happened a few times before.

His surprise then when you turned out to be in bed, distinctly not unconscious or asleep, holding onto Elizabeth like a vice, was really immense.

“Darling, is something wrong?” You knew he meant something rather more akin to “Something is definitely wrong and I’m very worried and hope you tell me, if not I might become a horrendous paranoiac and never stop bugging you but I also want to be polite about it.”

You folded quite quickly, deciding that it really wasn’t worth it, you were in such a state, and the anxiety was still in complete control of your brain, excuses weren’t about to be made.

In a moment Jumin had enveloped you in a hug, which you were glad to accept, discreetly kicking his phone away hoping that he’d not notice it and get it in his head to send for a meditative trainer or some such thing, since that wasn’t what you were looking for, at least not at the moment.

Thankfully though he seemed more focused on your wellbeing, asking you to talk through your anxiety, gently drawing circles on your back in an attempt to get rid of excess tension. It felt good to be able to release your stream of consciousness, even if it was a bit embarrassing. Every time you started feeling a bit overwhelming you’d insert an apology here and there but Jumin would simply shake his head and assure you it was fine

“After all, you were so patient and understanding when I went through a crisis of consciousness, when all my emotions were suddenly flooding my mind. You listened to me then, the least I can do is listen to you now.”

After you’d exhausted your thoughts and you two had laid there a bit, cuddled together, basking in each other’s presence, you two went to the kitchen, where Jumin insisted he’d make dinner himself.

You weren’t happy to be in the windowed room again, but one flick of a discreet switch and they were suddenly shuttered closed.

“You can do that?!”

“Of course?”

“Ugh, the idle rich.” You shook your head and Jumin feigned horror. This act went on throughout dinnertime, another thing to help soothe your nerves, as well as Elizabeth, who was being awfully nice, curled up in your lap.

Every clap of thunder and Jumin would hold your hand or give you a kiss or hug, again trying to distract you.

Afterwards it was watching trashy soap operas – really you couldn’t understand why Jumin adored these shows so much, he really did secretly have a flare for the dramatics – and more cuddling.

As the night got later and you got sleepier you realized that, though the anxiety wasn’t completely gone, you really were quite content.

“Ah, I wouldn’t mind this every time it stormed.”

Jumin chuckled at that. “Why not? Anything to make you comfortable and happy.”

“You’re going to spoil me terribly you know.”

“Again, why not? Comfort isn’t spoiling someone, and if it was I’d spoil you rotten. You deserve the universe, I’m just giving what I can.”

And really the comfort he gave you was worth five universes at that moment, but wasn’t he always worth that much?

Saeyoung

Saeyoung’s reaction to your fear would probably initially be teasing.

Not because he thought it was funny, more his brain still found sincerity a hard thing to grapple with, and he found his knee jerking reaction be to try and make fun, enough fun for you to forget about everything.

You knew this of course, had long ago learned his patterns, his mannerisms and habits, and initially you tried to play along with it, after all the only reason he knew you were afraid of thunderstorms was because he’d caught you running into the closet on the CCTV in Rika’s apartment. If it weren’t for that you would’ve been perfectly happy with him never finding out. Surely you could humor him a bit.

Well anxiety has a funny way of sharpening one’s nerves, and by the sixth joke you were ready to pull your hair out, both from Saeyoung and from the storm.

“Hey Saeyoung? I really do appreciate what you’re doing, don’t get me wrong, but I… I don’t think this is going to be the way to sort it out.”

“Oh… I see.” Saeyoung faltered. Saeran, who was also not a fan and was thus gaming, probably with the volume at unhealthy rates, still managed to snort out a “I could’ve told you that.” Saeyoung shook his head apologetically.

“I’m sorry MC… I, uhm. Yeah…” For a moment you both sat on his horrifically battered couch, the tension rising. Saeyoung screwed his face up in thought, before launching himself towards you, wrapping you up in a huge hug.

“I.. Saeyoung-?”

“Cuddles are a miracle cure.” He said, kissing you on the forehead. “They’ll chase away the storms, just you wait, and in the meantime, how about you teach me how to make something other than sandwiches.”

“I know you know how to cook.” You pointed out, at least happier with this approach, but Saeyoung shook his head.

“I forgot. I can now only make ham sandwiches, and that is truly a sad fate. Won’t you help me? Oh cook in shining armor.”

You rolled your eyes at that “Isn’t being the hero more of your route?” But agreed to make something with him.

Saeyoung really put everything into the “I forgot act”, and you soon found yourself distracted by his antics, peeling onions with a vegetable peeler, “accidentally” getting flour in your hair, tackling you with hugs and kisses the minute thunder or lightning even attempted an interruption. You found yourself either laughing or breathless from his attention, and when your anxiety was too difficult to ignore you allowed Seven to wrap you in a hug as you buried your head in his shoulder, his arms acting as a barrier for the sound.

Dinner took a horrendously long time to cook, something Saeran was sure to point out, but it really did help. As you two were cleaning up dishes Saeyoung paused for a moment.

“Being a hero really isn’t my thing you know.”

“Huh?” You’d sorta forgotten the earlier conversation amidst all the antics.

“You saved me MC, from myself, my own destruction. The least I could is chase away a few thunderstorms. I’d do anything to make you happy. So, I hope that you can be happy.

“What a silly thing to say.” You said, giving him a peck on the cheek. “I’m already so very happy, so incredibly glad to have you in my life. Indeed, if this isn’t happiness then there is no such thing.”

He really was your hero, your knight in peculiar armor. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

V/Jihyun Kim

V hated thunderstorms. Although he’d agreed to get his vision fixed, the date of the surgery was still some months off, and in the meantime every storm sent him in disarray, the sudden loudness of the thunder a disconcerting reminder of his own vulnerability, the fact that if even one thing in his life shifted he was likely to run right into it.

Being someone who had such a visceral hate, he was quick to become aware of your anxiety as well. It was something he just picked up on, before you had the chance to even think about hiding it from him.

“I see I’m not the only one who hates when it storms.”

You weren’t really surprised by his fear, he’d made it quite clear how he disliked to be reminded of the vulnerability that came from being blind, his eyes were already an ever present reminder of his past, a reminder of the feelings that had rotted inside him, which were so difficult to reconcile with.

So during the storms he ended up focusing most of his nervous energy on you, preferring that to morbid thoughts about the path his life had taken.

Coincidentally you tended to have the same reaction, and thus stormy days, though far from pleasant, became a semi-pleasant ritual, full of affection and comfort.

You pointed out the lightning and counted the miles out loud for him, something that helped him ground himself in the world, feel a little more in control of the situation, and in return he kept up a steady stream of conversation, telling you how your fears weren’t silly, how much it mattered to him that you were happy, and all the things you’d do together when the storms passed.

Sometimes you two turned on a podcast, or a video whose audio V had heard multiple times before, another exercise in familiarity that helped comfort you two. He also didn’t mind whether you kept the lights on or turned them off, only wishing to keep at least one window open, to keep track of the storm’s progress.

He also was in the habit of singing or humming at random intervals, his voice kept you in the moment, rather than in an endless loop of “what ifs”.

By the end of the storm you two were often exhausted, which is why they so often ended with you two tangled together, already half asleep.

One such time you were about to sleep, only barely awake to nod when V said the storm had passed.

“Jihyun,” you mumbled, hearing a hum in return. “I love you.”

V smiled, hearing that from you always felt like a moment of rejuvenation, of sudden clarity.

Kissing your forehead he hugged you a little tighter.

“I love you too.”

Saeran

Saeran loved storms. Loved the sheer, raw, uninhibited power they exuded, the proof of how natural ruled above all.

You knew that. You also knew that storms were, in fact, the bane of your existence, and that you’re rather die than sit up and watch them with him.

But you also didn’t want to disappoint him, didn’t want to be a source of unhappiness in his life, so when Saeran eagerly looked out the window and called out “MC! It’s thundering!” You reluctantly dragged yourself over to watch with him.

At first it was alright if you focused on him more than on the outside, the awe and glee he took in watching the rain was endearing, the happiness marked so clearly and without inhibition. It was something that almost took your breath away in how beautiful it was, the joy of somehow who’d had so little of it.

Then the first clap of thunder arrived and you’d nearly sprained your wrist, slipping on the counter and banging your arm.

Saeran’s attention was immediately turned away from the thunderstorm and he looked at you curiously.

“Are you alright MC?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just, I’m fine.” You didn’t want him to know. It made him so happy, how could you ever take away from that, holding you bruised elbow you excused yourself to the bathroom for a moment, saying you needed make sure nothing was serious.

Of course that excuses could only last for so long, but the bathroom seemed such a comfort compared to the windowed rooms, and you lost track of all sense of time or space, curled up in a ball, leaning against the cold wall, the linoleum tiling keeping you grounded.

Eventually however it came to an end, and there was a short knock before Saeran turned the doorknob and opened the door.

“Something wrong?” He asked, immediately realizing the answer to that question after looking at your position. Kneeling down to face you he cupped your cheek. “Thunderstorms?”

You nodded, despite yourself. You really didn’t want to take this from him. But he didn’t seem to have felt like anything was taken, instead kissing you on the forehead and opening his arms for you to envelope yourself in them, something you did gratefully.

He held you, rocking you slightly, whispering random bits of words, random pieces of song, anything to keep your anxiety lower. Nudging the door shut once more you two stayed there for a while, and you finally felt yourself calm down.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled.

“For what?” His tone was that of genuine confusion.

“For taking away watching thunderstorms from you. I don’t want to take anything away from you of course, I really don’t. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh MC…” Saeran peppered your face with kisses. “You haven’t taken anything away from me. I can still watch the thunderstorms, can still love them. Your fear isn’t something to be ashamed of, we all fear things in our lives, all have things we’d rather throw aside. I’m always here for you, always. It’s something I chose, and would choose over and over again. And that choice doesn’t mean I cannot chose to love thunderstorms, or watch them. It just means I have to make sure you’re comfortable as well. Besides, I wouldn’t want to do something that made you uncomfortable, not if I could do something about it. So don’t talk like that anymore, okay?”

You nodded, feeling reassured and slightly sheepish. He really was too good for words.

You two stayed in the bathroom until it became too uncomfortable, when you moved to the bed. It was a lovely evening, the storms having mellowed into a gentle rain.

Wrapped in Saeran’s arms you suddenly felt such a rush of emotions overcome you, contentment, bashfulness, love. Especially love.

You loved Saeran so much. And you always would.

Vanderwood

You’d really rather not tell Vanderwood.

You two were the cynics of the group, sarcastic, unfazed, or rather you hid your general emotions to the larger group in a swath of wit and humor. You really didn’t want to tell him that you were afraid of what was essentially a fear that had outlived its purpose.

It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Vanderwood with your true feelings, indeed sometimes you felt as if Vanderwood was the only person you could trust with your true feelings, a sentiment they had reciprocated multiple times.

It was moreso you already knew how much people saw your fear as overreacting. Didn’t need your partner to join the bandwagon of slight bafflement and bemusement, even if they couldn’t help themselves.

So there you were, sitting on the couch, storm on full display, trying not to dig your head into the side of the lazyboy as Vanderwood sat typing away on their computer.

Unfortunately the storm grew more and more violent, and you quickly grew more and more uncomfortable, your plans of nonchalance having really taken a critical hit.

Before you could think of a proper excuse to go into the bedroom closet and have a bit of a scream a huge clap of thunder shook the complex and the book you’d held in your hands plummeted to the ground.

Vanderwood immediately got up and shut the blinds. “I forgot you don’t like storms.” They said, closing the last of the blinds before turning around to your startled face.

“You know I don’t like thunderstorms?!”

“Was I not supposed to?” They looked vaguely confused, and not a bit amused.

“No.” You buried your hands in your palms.

“No I was or no I wasn’t?”

“You weren’t.” You groaned. “It’s embaraassing.”

“Why should it be embarrassing? Look, MC.” They walked over to you, taking your hands in theirs. “There are a lot of embarrassing things people are in life. Of which I’m at least half of them. I cannot say a lot of things with great confidence, but I can say this. You aren’t the least bit embarrassing for having an incredibly common and practical fear.”

“A fear that should’ve died out with the invention of bricks.” You muttered.

“Perhaps. But we both know that’s not how it works.” They replied. “So don’t feel the need to hide something like that. Okay?”

You nodded and Vanderwood smiled, before giving you a hug, something which you gladly reciprocated.

It was a quiet evening, one of easy cooking and laughing at miscellaneous videos, of making fun of spy shows and swapping stories.

In the end you probably shouldn’t’ve been so surprised.

Vanderwood was an amazing partner, caring, funny, observant, loving.

Perhaps it was okay to have such a fear around them. And if it was okay with Vanderwood than everyone else would have to suck it up, because really two people’s opinions mattered to you on the fact, yours and theirs. And in this instance you’d found yourselves completely in accord.

[voidcat]

– Stardust

Characters: Oikawa Tooru/You

Genre: fluff/comfort, heart to heart on reader’s part (questioning your place in the universe and all)

Summary: Sleep does not come some nights when it gets loud inside your head. Pebbles thrown at your window feels something out of movies. Oikawa Tooru being the one to do feels unreal. So you do what everyone does in dreams, is this a dream?, and follow his lead.

Word Count: 4.3k (i poured my heart out pls respond)

A/N: I didn’t write it with a song in mind but Kimochi Warui (When?  When? When? When? When? When? When?) sounded fitting while proofreading. Take it as a suggestion if you want.  – ao3 - PART 2

It’s late. 

Too late to still be up. Too late to be thinking like this. 

Too late to be up, awake, vibrating with all these overwhelming thoughts filling your head, wanting to break free, scratching the inside of your skull like feral animals, dying to get out.

It’s late and you keep lying down just like that. Hands clasped over your stomach, eyes locked onto the ceiling, trying not to think, keeping your mind blank like a newly bought sketchbook.

You lie like that for seconds feeling like hours and hours feeling like seconds.

You lie awake, the dim moon light entering your room lazily. All too familiar thoughts plaguing your mind, telling things you’ve known since childhood over and over and over until you grow numb to the noise.

Tck.

You consider checking the time but you’re afraid it’ll still be too early for the new day to start.

Tck.

Was that an actual sound or the newest trick of your mind?

Tck.

They say third time is the charm. Third time also means it’s too much of a specific occurrence to be a coincidence. The noise seems to be coming from outside, something small hitting your window.

Irritation and curiosity taking over you at last, not to mention boredom, you make way to the window and open it.

You see Oikawa Tooru of all people waving with his phone at you, a little aggressively.

Walking back to your nightstand and picking up your phone, you receive a message.

>[Does your folks wake up early?]

>[Or check up on you first thing in the morning?]

[No. why?] Hitting the send button you wait, walking back there and looking at him again. Face lightened by the glow of his phone, you can make up his eyes and nose.

>[Wear something warm.]

>[And make that spicy tea thingy you like so much if you want.]

>[I’m waiting by the door.]

Weird is seeing Oikawa Tooru under your window at an hour no one else is awake. Him telling you to get dressed and come outside? That’s creepy and worrying.

[Why]

>[I’m doing you a favor out of the goodness of my heart for once.] You want to roll your eyes at that. Since when does he know what being good means? Towards you especially.

>[No shady business, I promise.]

>[Trust me.]

As if knowing what went in your mind, these texts show up on your screen. You come to a halt.

Your relationship with Oikawa was never good. You would ignore one another on the good days and be utterly destructive and spiteful on the bad days. He never gave you a reason or made a gesture to earn your trust, you don’t even recall hearing those words from him much. They are reserved for Iwaizumi and the team only.

So why do you find yourself in a dilemma, as if there’s something to choose, a decision to make? Because the logical thing for you to do, the in-character thing for you to do, is to say no, go back to bed and hope to fall asleep at some point. The usual set of action for you is to refuse whatever he has to offer and go back to your own thing.

But you’re done with the logical and the in-character. So you send a quick [I’ll be down in 5.], make way to prepare something warm first and change your clothes as you wait for it to heat up. A sweatshirt should be enough.

Being too lazy and out-of-it to function once in a while pays, because instead of having to brew the tea and wait for a long while, you just heat up the already brewed and stashed one and pour it to your thermos.

Silently opening the door and getting out, you see Oikawa leaning against the wall.

He walks away when he sees you, you follow without a word. Soon enough you’re met with a car. Since when he has a car?

Wait, no. Don’t ask, don’t wait for an answer. Don’t look at the stupid car, don’t examine it. It is a dream after all, right? What’s the point in observing things when you’ll forget about them first thing in the morning?

Following his lead, you get inside the passenger seat, hear him start the engine, watch his hand reach for the stereo. A low hum arise.

It sounds like he picked a channel on random, the music isn’t bad per se, the volume is down. So it doesn’t exactly bother you either. Getting comfortable in your seat and resting your head against the window, you watch the blur of images go by.

There is no moon tonight, the only source of light is the street lamps coming into view and leaving as fast. Houses, buildings, trees, everything belonging to the day pass by in a fog and smear of colors. Almost like a quick brush of oil paint. It’s calming in a quiet before the thunderstorm kind of way.

As the road goes under the wheels, less and less houses come in to your view.

“Where to?”

Oikawa gives you a quick glance. He almost looks surprised to see you speak. Did he just assume you’d stay quiet all night?

“You’ll see.” His tone doesn’t match his face.

“What’s the meaning of it?”

“Consider it a favor.” This marks the end of your short lived conversation.

You don’t need to recognize the road he takes to understand he’s driving out of town, out of Miyagi. The why of it keeps floating in your head, you can’t apply the ‘it’s a dream’ tactic any more either, you are too awake for that, in both senses.

Turning your attention back on the sidelines, you let your mind wander off to meaningless assumptions.

A light behind the trees, you imagine a lonely night creature, lurking around to find his lost love.

You spot an animal you can’t identify and make up a story about an once-successful maiden, falling fool to a wicked spell.

You look at the trees and imagine nature coming to life in humanoid form, mutating and taking its revenge on human race.

Hearing a ribbit nearby and you recall the time your mother read you the Princess and the Frog years ago.

You turn left to look at Oikawa. Finding your phone inside your pocket and raising it in a show-and-tell manner, you wait for him to take notice and turn off the stereo. You press play.

Satie’s Once Upon A Time In Paris fills the air.

You note the relaxation in his shoulders. You let the melody take over your body as well.

Closing your eyes and holding your hands in the air, you can see the keys in front of you.

Hitting the keys one by one, reaching for the pedal, you can feel it flow through you. Head moving on its own, dancing with the melody, Gymnopedie no.1 as calm and serene as ever. Simple like a short quote on love from a poet.

It ends silently, Gnossienne no.3 enters with much more emotion.

It’s almost comical how many times you’ve played this exact piece but almost never listened to others playing. It sounds like you in some ways, some tints and emphasis different than how you’d play but that’s all you got right now.

You don’t need to break out of the music’s hold or open your eyes to catch Oikawa’s gaze on you once in a while. You went through all this before on so many occasions. Be it on public transportation and a piece you connect with comes on, you can’t stop your fingers from trying to play it on air, making keys out of nitrogen and oxygen in the air. Your body starting to move on its own after a while. Strangers giving you funny looks all the while.

The notes gain meaning and heaviness, hanging in the air and making way for the following ones as fast.

When the B bemols come, you can feel a stinging feeling in your eyes.

Since when does Gnossienne no.3 make you want to cry? Why now of all times?

You don’t care, you don’t want the answers, you don’t want to understand or reach a new level of understanding within yourself. Just shutting yourself out completely and taking in all the music with a deep breathe, you lean back as far as you can into the seat.

Gnossienne no.4 starts and your hands no longer itch to play.

When Oikawa pulls up at last, the music has long ended.

Getting off with your thermos in one hand, you look around.

Not a single building, a sign of life in sight. Where the hell did he bring you?

You can see his figure searching for something in the back seat, some shuffling reaches your ear. You look at the few and far between trees in the distance. It is a dead night. Not even wind, not even some comical tumbleweeds are in sight to add some motion. Time has stopped completely.

You don’t realize Oikawa’s signals for the second time that night, just as you didn’t hear him throwing pebbles at your window.

Noticing the loud thud, as him patting the hood of his car a little too late, only when he starts to get loud, you look back up. He’s sitting there, patting the space next to him, the gesture all too familiar.

Your mind wanders back to the moments you’d do the same, asking your cat to come sit with you, listen to you ramble, maybe purr for you, hear your sobs or meow at your antics. Tilting your hand with her head, bumping your legs with her tail. Those moments painted golden, filtered with a gray film, already gone, leaving nothing but a sharp pain in your chest.

You climb and sit, careful not to have any physical contact with him.

“Why are we here?” you try one last time.

“I didn’t want to be alone.” He says. Nodding your head at that, you’re not exactly surprised. The way he always surrounds himself with people, no matter the proximity and bond he shares with them.

He answered a question, maybe he can answer few more before I drive him to the limit, you think. “Why me?” This nags at your brain more than any other current question you have for him.

“It seemed fitting.”

“Why not Hajime or Makki, or even Mattsun?”

“Iwa-chan has come on little trips such as this with me before. I didn’t want to drag him tonight. Asking anyone else I’m close with didn’t sound like a good idea. And frankly? You seemed like you could use a break like this today.”

Observant prick.

“So, what exactly? We share one cozy moment tonight and return to our daily selves of hating one another in the morning?” His silence is a yes enough. “Sure, sounds good then.”

After the little conversation, you are back examining the surroundings, the comforting stillness in the air, the silence, the emptiness and the blackness of it all.

It gets boring after a while. Not wanting to disturb Oikawa further and at a loss of what else to do in the middle of nowhere, you look up at last.

Oh.

You forget to breathe for a few seconds. And that doesn’t even seem to be a problem in your eyes.

Has he done this before? How long has he been going out at ungodly hours for this?

You knew Oikawa Tooru was obsessed with space and aliens, thanks to Iwaizumi, but you never expected it to be on a more serious, in-depth level. Not like this.

Never like this.

Billions of stars hanging in the night sky, most millions of years old, blinking from a long gone past, probably dead in their current time.

A calm breeze washing over your wholly, reminding you just how small you are, your life is and how it is all okay because in the big picture you’re all nothing but dust. Destined to be forgotten by history in few centuries, if not decades.

Seeing all these stars, colorful lights what you hope are planets, an arm of the Milky Way, flowing like a waterfall and you feel a sense of security you haven’t felt in a while.

There is something comforting about the night sky, the way it can show you your unimportance in the big picture, your place in all this. You feel whole with the universe. You belong.

So you look up, and up and up. Stare at the sky, blink at the stars, smile at the constellations you spot and remember their stories, the gods and the myths, the heroes and the queens…

You look back at Oikawa then. As if remembering only now that he is there by your side.

Facing the sky in a manner just like yours, you can see the stars on his face. Shining on his hair, cheeks and in his eyes. Almost like stardust.

He looks ethereal, unreachable, enchanting. And a little vulnerable. All that tension, layers of masks he puts on each day, all the fake smiles and empty look in his eyes are gone.

Raw and pure.

This is the truest of Oikawa you’ve ever seen.

The admiration can be read from his eyes. His face holding an emotion you’ve seen on him once or twice. Not intense like this, never like this. You’ve seen the same look on him for Iwaizumi but only for a second, when he’s sure no one is watching.

With the same eyes, he watches the starry night sky.

He looks like he belongs up there. Not in a “be an astronaut and go to space” but in a “should be there, amongst the stars, his memory up there, to be remembered by everyone gazing upon the starry night. Like a constellation, become a constellation, a legend and a story, and so much more, just like Orion and Andromeda.”

This is the closest to Oikawa Tooru you’ve ever been. The thought gives you a shiver.

Seeming to notice that, he gives you a puzzled look and raises his right arm. You realize the blanket around his form then. He’s making an offer.

“Don’t worry, three people can fit in easily, it’s wide enough for the both of us.” When his face turned to you, it’s dark, no source of light to reflect on his skin.

You scoot over to him, under the blanket. The two of you refocus back on the scene above you.

Remembering the little mug inside your front pocket, you open the lid of your thermos and start pouring some tea, the steam leaving a little trail behind. You hold out the mug to Oikawa, he just looks at you, the confusion clear on his face.

Why are you offering me the tea you brought for yourself?

What makes you think I’d trust you enough to taste something you made?

“We said tonight was our little secret, right? I can use the cap as a mug, don’t worry.”

Your words and clarification seems to convince him somewhat, holding the mug with both hands, he smells it before taking a sip.

Silence falls over again and it’s much nicer this time.

Not even the coldness can get to you or pull you out of the warm embrace you’re in. The warmth around your shoulders, more provided by the idea of the blanket than the blanket itself. Like a thin veil, separating the real world from your little bubble of escape.

It’s new moon, no reflecting lunar light to block your view of stars. Sitting under the tent of black, blue, white and red; it feels divine. Divine to live in the moment, to truly breathe, to witness something so enthralling and forever.

To stand by yourself, stripped bare of everything; your layers, titles, names and ticks, clothes and paints, to be a newborn again, to reborn again, all alone, in an endless room, empty and cold, filled with stars and gods, stories to tell and dreams to see.

To feel whole again, alone again, hopeless again but reach a self-realization again, to taste nectar and discover the secrets of the universe, converse with the long gone philosophers and waltz with supernovas.

You’re not alone. Not completely.

Maybe left alone with your thoughts in this dead land and you know how one can never have company in their own mind, forever trapped alone. Yet in that moment, you’re not alone. Moving your head to steal a glance at the boy next to you again, you understand it well. It all happens so fast.

“Isn’t it ironic? How as humans we use a word like ‘star’ for untouchable celebrities, important people and such while in reality stars are nothing but these giant balls of plasma-“ gesturing a ball with your hands now, thermos sitting between your legs, “-with their ongoing chemical reactions, sputtering molecules of hydrogen and helium and all, until they come to an end with their current phase of life. If you can call that life.” You say all these with your eyes locked onto the stars, Oikawa’s locked on you. You keep going.

“Speaking of life, what is even life? Aren’t we just a bunch of organic components somehow managing to come together, build a system and gain conscious somehow? Just trying to survive until an outer force comes or our cells come off? Isn’t it technically our cells living, in a way?”

“Aren’t we just piles of protein just walking around and doing things that make no sense but to us?  Until we come to an end with our current phase of life? Doing what we see fit or fun or appropriate until it all ends.” It’s not a question any more. He doesn’t give you an answer.

“Aren’t we all children of the stars in a different point of view? All our molecules and elements coming from them. I mean, look at them. We see them blinking and smirking and smiling at us but for all we know they could’ve ended long ago. They could’ve become part of a new life for all we know. They break down and give birth to us, pieces of us; and in return we go back to them when we are gone. Despite being made of stardust, we live pretty shit lives huh?” You give him a lopsided smile, facing him as you say your last words.

“Is that what you’ve been thinking this whole time?” he replies.

“For far too long to pinpoint an exact date actually.” You almost say in a singsong voice. He frowns at that slightly.

“But I am right! Right? I mean, you’re a space nerd! You must know what I’m talking about.”

“Understanding and putting it into words in such a depressing way are two different things.”

Pouting at that, you look the opposite direction sharply. “Whatever, I know I am right.”

His gaze is still on you. “Is that what you’re like most of the time? I don’t get how Iwa-chan deals with you.” He must be shaking his head now.

“Iwa-chan can’t read minds last time I checked.” You deadpan.

His laugh fills the air at that. Light and lively, carefree; you doubt you’ve heard him laugh before. It sounds wonderful.

You wonder how things would’ve been between you and Oikawa, if the circumstances were different. If you never met Iwaizumi that day, would your paths still cross? Would you finish your Aoba Johsai years never meeting him?

Would you meet Oikawa on your own? Could you ever be friends, instead of dancing around one another and spitting out insults whenever you can? Would you like him in another world? Value his friendship, the person he is? Would the two of you have met before or become something more?

All these unanswered questions hanging in the air and you find yourself looking at him again.

His smile looks different now, he looks different, changed. Almost breathtaking. Is that what Iwaizumi means by his ‘fake smiles’?

A honest smile looks good on him.

You find yourself smiling back.

“Hey.” He nudges your shoulder with his. “If you still want to complain about the meaningless of life and all that, be my guest. I promise I won’t listen.”

Taken aback by his wording, you give him a confused look.

“Tonight doesn’t exist, remember?”

“…Right.” You decide to lean back and lie under the stars.

Feeling a tug at the blanket after a while, you see him placing the mug down next to the tire. You hand him your thermos as he regains his composure, he complies silently and leans back when he’s done.

All there is in the air is your faint breathing now. Never matching one another, sometimes loud, sometimes ghostly. There is no rhythm, no adjusting subconsciously. Completely independent.

You take a deep breath and start.

“It feels grey most of the time. Not in a ‘there’s never two sides, everything is grey, blah blah.’ But more like a numbness of grey.”

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t do anything, nothing to show or to indicate that he is listening. You continue talking.

“Like lacking all color and feeling in life, blocking all there is to see and enjoy and I am left with nothing but… grey.

Grey to the point of everything is filtered, there are no boundaries, it all feels the same, plays the same and I am afraid. I am afraid of hurting. Hurting myself, being hurt myself and hurting the ones around me. Not the ones I love, I don’t even know love. What is love?” You turn to look at him.

“I tried thinking about it, reading about it, understanding it on a chemical and hormonal way. Consulted mathematics and never got an answer. It feels made up, a fairy tale to feel better, to attach ourselves to one another.

I fear I came across love and didn’t notice it, I fear I brushed it off for something else and now it’s too late.”

With each pause, it gets easier to speak, harder to talk. Finding the right words, using your vocal chords, moving your tongue, writing your sentences in your mind. You don’t feel the tears gathering around your eyes or going down your cheeks. You wait for the robot title, to be called heartless and how you have a rock in your chest. They never come.

“Do you really fear of hurting him?” There’s no doubt he is talking about Iwaizumi.

“I don’t know.”

“But you care for him.”

“I don’t know.”

“Think before you answer.” He says then, voice stern.

“I think I care for him but I fear I will ruin him.”

The unspoken ‘how so?’ is in the air.

“I feel grey to the point of dust and decay. I fear everything I touch either drives away from me or decays. I don’t want to lose him. I think I care for him. But I don’t want to watch him stay by my side and crumble one by one.

I don’t want to go from grey to blue.”

“Doesn’t he make you happy? I’ve seen genuine smiles on you when you’re with him. You almost light up when he enter a room or sits beside you.”

“What’s the point of happiness if it’s dependent on one person? It is not fair to either parties.”

He starts tsking. “Too many don’ts for that age. You’ll end up with wrinkles before your thirties.”

He stops prying after that.

The air begins to grow colder, a little breeze picks up.

The stars are as cold as ever, blinking diamonds in the sky.

You swear you see the arm of Milky Way coming into motion, flowing like a stream.

For what feels like an hour, it is quiescent. You decide to break it one last time.

“Speaking of stars, you and Iwaizumi are like neutron stars. Can be found alone or orbiting one another, chasing after each other, forever together and merged at last. Both stars on your own but as captivating when together.”

The hour taking its toll on you, your senses grow duller. You can’t hear his breathing without focusing, even the stars are getting blurry.

“Then you’re like a black dwarf.” Oikawa speaks up. “Because you feel unreal most of the time.”

You both fall back into silence. You don’t ask him if he meant it as a compliment and he doesn’t answer.

You don’t need to know which way he meant, in a way, you already know the response to that.

Tonight isn’t real. It’ll cease to exist in a few hours and you let these rare moments sink in. Probably the closest you’ll ever be to Oikawa Tooru, closest see him like this. It almost feels familiar, like you’ve done this before, went on stargazing with him and opened your heart out to him. It feels like a dream, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. You chuckle at your attempt of a joke lightly.

It is serene around the two of you and in your mind. A placidity you haven’t had without the help of  a distraction in a long while.

“Thanks Tooru.”

His name falls out of your lips like you use it on the daily. Like the comforting shuffle of a worn out sweater as you put it on, the chirping of this family of birds living by your house for decades, the warm meow of your cat when you’re headed to bed. It sounds natural.

Scooting closer to him until your head rests on his chest. He just wraps his arm around you, pulling you further. Not a single word on your way of addressing him. And not a word from you on his way of holding you.

The moment will cease to exist in the morning, along with your confessions and the blinking lights of the stars. In a few hours it’ll no longer be real. So you decide to give it a shot at being close to him in all senses, share something the two of you will never have. Wrapping your arm around his torso, listening closely to his heart. Your head under his chin, his hand atop yours, you fall asleep until the sun comes.

[mostly-anime-trash]

NSFW Alphabet - Katsuki Bakugou

I love reading these, so I wanted to make one of my own :)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Katsuki’s aftercare is more practical than anything. If it’s been a particularly strenuous session, he might lie there for a bit, panting next to you. But once he’s caught his breath, he’s up quickly and fetching a towel or tissues for clean up. And he won’t be the one to clean you up himself- he thinks you’re probably more efficient at it than him, so he’ll let you handle that- but he’ll always provide the supplies.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part is his arms. Why do you think his hero costume is a tank top?? He spends a lot of time sculpting and developing his arms, and he wants to show off his hard work! His favorite body part of his partner’s is definitely their ass. It’s the first place his hands roam to when kissing his partner. During sex, if he’s not in a position to be able to see their ass, he’s definitely grabbing onto it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Katsuki has a fantasy of cumming onto his partner’s face, but he’s too embarrassed to ask. Maybe he’ll work up the courage one day, but for now he just hopes he’ll wind up in a situation that calls for it. Otherwise he’s not picky- he’ll easily oblige to his partner’s preferences (as long as he’s not gonna make no babies!!)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes to collect his partner’s underwear, kind of like trophies. Not all of them, but a few select favorites. He always has a pair in his backpack, and he’s slightly paranoid that he might accidentally pull them out with his book in class- although he’s not sure whether he’d be more embarrassed or proud in that moment.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Katsuki is surprisingly inexperienced for someone with so much confidence. His bold personality tends to scare intimidate most potential partners, so he’s learned everything he knows from the 1 or 2 partners he’s had. However, he’s a quick learner and competitive as hell, so of course he wants to be the best, at everything. He lets his intuition (or is it primal instinct?) get him started and relies on his partner’s body language to guide him the rest of the way.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy. A position that allows him to watch his partner’s ass, grab onto his partner’s ass, and take control? Sold.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

This boy is serious as hell. He wants to get everything just right, so if there are any fumbles or blunders in the bedroom, he is more likely to get flustered than to just laugh it off. After being with his partner for a while, he’ll warm up to the idea of teasing, but mostly he’s just focused on trying to knock their socks off.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Katsuki definitely doesn’t shave bare. He thinks it makes him look stupid as hell, so he prefers to keep his pubes trimmed short instead. He is so fixated on impressing his partner and not embarrassing himself that for the first several months, he keeps it meticulously groomed. He’s obsessive about it, so much that he’ll even make excuses to avoid sex if he feels he’s not tidy enough, and then just jack off angrily at home later. (Is it an insecurity thing?) Once he’s more comfortable in the relationship though, he’ll go longer periods between grooming, although rarely more than an extra quarter inch or so.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Katsuki isn’t necessarily romantic, per se. He is very attentive to his partner however. His ego couldn’t handle the blow of being bad in bed, so he needs to make sure his partner is enjoying themselves before he can enjoy himself. He’s secretly just a giant baby who seeks validation as much as anyone else.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

This boy’s sex drive is high af and you know he jacks off on the daily at least. Katsuki has an incredible amount of will power and he could restrain himself if he wanted to, but he’s also impulsive as hell and he doesn’t see masturbation as bad or shameful, so he indulges. Plus with his tendency to fixate on things, he often finds himself unable to concentrate if he’s sexually frustrated, so he’ll masturbate just to be able to think clearly again. You better believe this boy is the king of procrasturbating when he’s supposed to be studying.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage. Katsuki is a control freak, of course his kink is bondage. He won’t ever mention it and he won’t try anything until he feels comfortable that his partner would be open to it. Then he’ll experiment with it slowly- pinning up his partner’s arms against the wall during a steamy makeout session, pulling their shirt over their head and wrapping it around their wrists during sex, tugging their hair while he fucks them from behind. If it’s well received, he’ll be investing in some full bed restraints in no time.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Katsuki likes to fuck in the shower. Something about it just feels raw to him. You’d think with his favorite position being doggy that he’d like nothing more than to have his partner bent over, palms pressed against the tile, taking him from behind buuuuuuuut *surprise* he actually prefers to hold his partner up, hands under their ass, and fuck them against the shower wall. He tends to be a bit more animalistic in the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Phewwww boy, nothing lights a fire under Katsuki’s ass like a little competition. He wants to be THE best. Any sort of teasing from his partner, and Katsuki is ready to pin them down and show them exactly what he’s capable of. He’s also a sucker for seeing his partner in clothing that hugs their assets. He’ll be pawing at them all day until he can finally get them alone and rip their clothes off.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Threesome. He might like to show off his partner, but he doesn’t like to share them. Plus he might be a teensy bit insecure they’ll enjoy sex with the other person more than him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Katsuki really, really enjoys receiving oral. It feels great of course, but more than anything he loves to see his partner on their knees, looking up at him with his cock in their mouth. Somehow, that’s when he truly sees how much they desire him. He like giving too, as he feels he can get a more accurate sense of his partner’s level of enjoyment. He gets off if they get off.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast or slow, but always hard- he makes sure that every thrust counts. His pace is moderate, usually on the fast-side. When he’s fully consumed by passion (which is almost every sexual encounter), he wants all of his partner, and he wants it now.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Katsuki’s a big fan of quickies, especially when he’s sexually frustrated. And let’s be honest, he basically always frustrated. But he’s never one-sided. He makes sure his partner gets off too.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Risk excites the fuck out of Katsuki, although he’d likely be mortally embarrassed if he ever got caught. Storage closet, bathroom, car parking lot… he wants to try it all, but it will probably take some encouragement or teasing from his partner first. More than anything though, Katsuki gets off on his partner almost getting caught. He likes to tease and pleasure them while they’re talking on the phone or when there’s someone just on the other side of the door.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Katsuki will go as long as his partner can. It’s rare for him to find someone with as much stamina as him, so he is happy with whatever they can afford. The only exception is when he’s extremely tired, in which case he can usually only manage one round (and we all know Katsuki has a very strict bedtime).

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t feel much of a personal need to use them, but he will eagerly use them on his partner. He’s no stranger to the cock ring, and he prefers when both he and his partner cum at the same time, so he’ll throw in a some extra vibrations if he feels he’s much closer to the finish line than they are.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Once Katsuki has gotten comfortable with his partner, he loves to tease, to the point of his partner literally begging for him. This does depend, however, on how turned on he is already. His seriousness is directly correlated to his horniness, so if he’s too consumed by lust, he’ll get straight to business.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Katsuki is quiet in bed, aside from a few pants and grunts (because that’s what’s #manly or whatever, but mostly because he’s too terrified he’ll make a stupid embarrassing noise that will haunt him for the rest of his life). His partner can elicit some moans from him though, by nibbling on his ear or by gently pressing underneath his balls while climaxing.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Katsuki thinks he has a fantasy of watching his partner masturbate in front of him, but truth is he’s way too damn impatient for that. Every single time he caves, unable to resist the urge to replace their hand with his and just do it his damn self. (He does it better anyway.)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

We all know Katsuki is ripped, so let’s just get to the good stuff, shall we? This boy is #blessed. He’s a shower and a grower at 5″ soft and 7.5″ erect. His dick is pretty too, straight and curved slightly upward, with a few healthy veins. While his length is nothing to sneeze at, it’s his girth that’s impressive. It’s a good thing he wears those baggy pants (or is it?), because that outline is hard to conceal.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

H I G H. It’s unlikely he’ll ever find a partner that can match him, but regular sex with his partner (daily, please) keeps him satisfied. He’ll be crawling up the walls, resisting the urge to yank it every 30 minutes should he and his partner be separated by distance.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex usually gives Katsuki a zap of energy any time throughout the day, with the exception of close to bedtime. Then its zzzzzz lights out!

[anagentinwriting]

To Catch a Thief - Part 7

Summary: Being an FBI field agent was your dream job but having been stuck behind a desk for most of your career you’ve almost given up. Fortunately, a series of robberies with minimal evidence forces you to assist a team in the field to help solve the case. But when the only thing left behind is a series of song lyrics, will you be able to find the perp? Or will the number of obstacles and lack of evidence keep you from solving the case?

Pairing: Peter Quill x Reader

Word Count: 1768

Warnings: Swearing

To Catch a Thief Masterlist / Main Masterlist

After telling Gamora about your suspicions, she wanted you to tail him to see if he was hiding anything.  She warned you to be careful because she didn’t want you to get hurt.  You appreciated her kind gesture, but Peter would never hurt you. He was one of your best friends except what if your suspicions turned out to be true.

Peter’s work schedule took some time to learn, but once you knew it you couldn’t forget it. He worked weekends and a few days during the week, but he picked up extra shifts when his coworkers asked him. His work days usually lead him to sleep in until noon, which meant you got to sleep in, too.

Almost like clockwork, you could hear him groaning and grunting through your wall waking up. All of a sudden your phone vibrated with a text from the man in question.

Peter: Again, sorry for leaving you on your birthday.  That was a real dick thing to do and I feel bad about it. I still have your present, so when you take a break from your cop duties ;) let me know.

Y/N: I understand things happen. I am busy at work for the next few days  :( but I will tell you when I need to binge watch some TV

Peter: :))))

After Peter woke up, you followed him to his gym and watched him from across the street.  You wore a hat and sunglasses as a disguise to help you blend in and keep your face hidden. You also brought a backpack as a prop to make it appear as if you were a student waiting for the bus. You went unnoticed and once he returned to his apartment things stayed pretty quiet until he went to work for the evening.

By the fourth day of tailing him, you could pinpoint where he’d be and when. It was like clockwork. You showed up to his next destination and a few minutes later he would appear. He had his routine and it was simple: wake up at around eleven, go to the cafe down the block for a late breakfast, and eat in the park. Then, go workout for a few hours by either running or heading to the gym. In the evenings, he stayed in his apartment alone doing who knows what or he picked up extra shifts.

Over the course of these days, Peter texted you asking about your day and how work was. This led to short yet long conversations, but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face every time his name lit up your screen. As the days passed, you were growing less suspicious of him, and it made you realize, he might have nothing to do with this at all.

On the fifth day, Peter turns on his music and you groaned still laying face down in bed. This never happened. You always woke up before him.  Picking up your phone by your pillow you read 730 AM. Seriously, we just went to bed at 4 AM! How was he even functioning on three hours of sleep? He turned the volume up on his stereo and started to sing along. You smiled to yourself as you heard his shower turn on.

“How I would love to be in that shower?” You mumbled into your pillow.  “Damn it, get your shit together, girl. He is a fucking suspect” You rolled out of bed and got dressed to make it appear as if you’re going to work. You tried to wipe off the exhausted look on your face but no matter what you did you still looked drained. You stepped out into the hallway once you heard Peter’s door close.

“You look rough, sweetheart,” Peter quipped, locking his door.

“Good morning to you too, Peter,” You scoffed, eyeing him up and down. He was wearing a dark blue denim button up with his sleeves rolled up halfway showing off his attractive forearm line. And if that wasn’t enough he was wearing khaki jeans that fit him in all the right places. “And you look handsome as per usual.” The only other time you’ve seen him this dressed up was when he took you out on your birthday, so wherever he was going it had to be good.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Where are you off to looking this good? Hot date?” You asked, wiggling your eyebrows as you both walked to the elevator.

“Not today,” he chuckled. “I have some errands to run then I’m meeting up with an old friend for lunch.”

“Sounds like fun.” You pressed the elevator button and right away the doors chimed open. Peter held the elevator door signaling for you to enter first and you shot him a thankful smiled. You hit the garage button and watched the doors close in front of you.

“You working tonight?”

“I don’t think so. It’s Thursday, right?” You peeked at him out of the corner of your eye watching him bite his bottom lip trying to hold back a smile.

“Yes it is,” he cracked a confident smile as he licked his lips. “Say...my place around 8.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek pretending to think it over. “See you then,” you winked a little over the top, hearing him let out a soft chuckle as you walked out of the elevator to your car.

You lost him. How did you lose him? His classic car stuck out like a sore thumb so how did he get away? This was going to be the day you finally get something on him, but no, he disappeared.  You pulled into a parking lot and leaned your head on the steering wheel letting out a loud groan. It shouldn’t be this hard to tail someone. With your stomach growling and your head starting to throb, your phone chimed with a new text message.  You blindly reach for it and glance at the screen.

Peter: Where is your office? I brought you lunch.

Shit, why is he at your office?

YN: Aww... Out of the office right now, but will be back soon

Peter: I’ll wait

YN: Thought you were meeting with your old friend for lunch?

Peter: He works at the FBI, too, so figured I would bring you lunch too

Wait, who else did he know in the FBI?

YN: Aww :) Thank you! I am starving!

Peter: See you soon ;)

Walking through the doors to the field office expecting to find Peter at the entrance, but you don’t see him anywhere. You pulled out your phone about to text him when Luis speaks up.

“YN, HEY YN.” You glanced up from your phone to see Luis holding his hands over his mouth shouting.

“Hey, Luis, what’s up?”

“You looking for Loverboy,” He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Loverboy?”

“Yeah, the dirty blonde dude. He’s like super muscular and about yay tall.” He gestured with his hand. “He told me to tell you he’s in Yondu’s office.”

“Yondu’s office. Why is he in there?”

“I guess, their old friends. Wish I knew the story behind it cause it’s gotta be good, right. I mean, maybe they met when Yondu was an agent in the field or is Loverboy a bad guy turned good? You know the possibilities are endless, right.” You nodded, hoping he would get to the end soon. You hated interrupting his stories. “Anyways, Loverboy said you can go right on in and join them.”

You thanked Luis and made your way over to Yondu’s office. Instead of walking right in, you opted to knock and make your presence known. Yondu yelled come in and you opened the door to find Peter sitting in the chair opposite of him with a burrito in his hand.  You faked a smile taking a seat next to him. 

How did he know Yondu? Why did he want to have lunch with you? He never came to visit you at work. As question after question ran through your head, Peter handed you a takeout container with chips and queso in it.

“YN, nice of you to join us. Quill says your his neighbor.” You nodded, chewing a large amount of food you shoved in your mouth. “Good. This boy needs someone keeping an eye on him. He was quite the troublemaker growing up, but I took him under my wing and got him back on track.”

“Is that right?” You questioned, grabbing another chip and loading it with queso. You weren’t sure whether you were starving or if you wanted this lunch to be over. Either way, this was going to be an interesting yet awkward lunch with your boss and neighbor slash best friend slash crush slash suspect.

“Yes. This boy was scrawny before I got ahold of him.”

“I wasn’t scrawny. I was scrappy,” Peter chimed in, forcing a laugh out of you as the two men stared in your direction. You stopped instantly realizing how fake it sounded and continued to eat.

“Right, how could I forget? Scrappy,” Yondu clarified with a smirk. “So, how is the case coming, YN? I haven’t heard much about it lately.”

“It’s good, it’s fine. Brought in a couple people the other day, but it didn’t lead to anything,” you informed, hoping Yondu would drop the subject. Yondu and Peter were clearly close, but he didn’t have to be spilling the beans about this case when your only suspect was sitting right next to you.

“At least you're getting somewhere. Most of those cases involving jew-” Yondu was interrupted by Luis charging through the door.

“Sorry to interrupt. I see you’re all having a nice lunch...oh, are those tacos?” Luis’s eyes wandered around the office until they landed on you and he remembered something. “Oh right, YN your needed upstairs. It sounded urgent.” Luis’s eyes widened silently telling you to go along with this.

“Thanks, Luis, I’ll head up now.” He nodded saying a quick goodbye and left. You shut the lid to your takeout container and stood up to leave, but stopped at the door. “It’s been fun! Thanks for lunch, but you know duty calls.  I’ll see you guys later.” You waved goodbye getting out of Yondu’s office as fast as possible.

You sigh in relief and walked up to Luis giving him a high five. “I owe you, Luis. Thank you so much.”

“You know I’m always listening. Remember I got your back, chica,” He grinned. Luis always did have a problem with tapping into Yondu’s phone line and listening in on his conversations.

A/N: Thanks for reading! This one turned out to be a little shorter, but trust me next week will make up for it!

[stitchwyx]

weighted plushie tutorial

so i have been ((vibrating)) to make weighted plushies since i found out That Was A Thing and today i finally got all my ducks in a row

tutorial under the cut

prep work

supplies

poly beads (i purchased mine from Specialspherical on etsy)

funnel (i got mine from the big lots kitchen section)

sewing thread (best to match this to your plushie material. since all mine were polyester blend plushies, i used polyester thread)

sewing needle

seam ripper (i like the ones with the longer handles)

measuring cup

scissors 

produce scale (OPTIONAL)

expertise (skills you need, in link form)

how to use a seam ripper (note: your plushie’s stitches will be stacked vertically on top of each other instead of running horizontally side-by-side. the procedure is exactly the same for this: just pick out one stitch at a time, being careful not to tear any of the plushie’s fabric)

invisible ladder stitch tutorial

time 2 rock and roll

*shitty cell phone pix ahead*

step 1: acquire plush to weight 

i used plushies i already had because i knew i would want to cuddle them, but you can buy new ones or source plushies from thrift stores if you like. goodwill tends to have tons

here is the moose i chose to weight for my initial experiment (which turned out wonderfully)

her full name is Pat, The Moose, Shake-Stick-At-God, Aveaigh Mariagh after this meme

step 2: place hand in poly beads

i chose these specific beads because of their high density--i personally wanted the heaviest plushies i could make while still using poly beads. i decided to use poly beads specifically because i like the feel (think classic beanie babies) and i needed my plushies to remain 100% machine washable

step 3: show audience seam ripper

i have joint pain + muscle weakness + poverty so i bought literally the cheapest seam ripper you can get with a full handle on

step 4: use seam ripper to rip a 2 inch opening in your plushie

before you start, be sure to think about how you usually hold your plush. you want to select a seam that bears as little weight/stress as possible when your plushie is handled, because you don’t want your stitches to pop open later. i go in for Extreme Cuddling (i.e. i toss and turn a lot in my sleep) and so this was a concern for me. 

i ended up tearing out a section of the middle of the back of each plushie i added weight to (except for my weird blob dude because he didn’t have a seam there)

like so

step 5: remove floof 

i left the head stuffed because i wanted to maintain the head shape & softness of my plushie for cuddling purposes

i removed all of my body-floof because, again, i wanted The Heaviest Critters so mine are completely filled with poly beads, leaving no room for the stuffing to go back in. if you want a less-heavily-weighted plushie, set your stuffing aside so you can put some back in later

you can save your extra floof or throw it out. i saved mine because i also crochet amigurumi, and extra stuffing always comes in handy

step 6: measure out your poly beads

this is where the produce scale comes in handy, but since i didn’t have one i just used a measuring cup instead.

if you end up using a measuring cup, be sure to get the density of your poly beads from the seller. converting from volume to weight using the density looks like this

[VOLUME] cups x [DENSITY] ounces per cup = [WEIGHT] ounces

so my calculation for Pat looked like this (note: you can do this with any units of measure)

1.25 cups x 8.5 ounces/cup = 10.625 ounces

i know nothing about ounces so i converted to pounds

10.625 ounces * 0.0625 pounds/ounce = 0.66 pounds 

step 7: fill plush with beads

this was difficult to get a decent picture of because i only have 2 hands and actually doing the thing takes all of them

the general idea is that you stick the funnel in the plushie, pour poly beads into the funnel, and that way you get beads inside the plushie and not all over your floor

stuff the legs first to make sure stuff gets evenly distributed

step 8: check weight

your plushie will look something like this

pick up your plushie being careful not to spill the beads. is the weight good? if it’s too heavy, remove some beads and replace with stuffing. if it’s too light, tough shit you already completely filled your plush with beads. once satisfied, proceed to next step

step 9: sew plush back together

for the small plush, i used standard polyester thread doubled over. for the plush 2x Pat the moose’s size and up, i used 4 strands of thread at the same time

use the invisible ladder stitch--if you don’t know how to do that, scroll up and take a look at the link under the “expertise” section

pro tip: when tying off your thread, poke your needle through part of the plushie and pull it through, and then cut your thread off from there. this leaves you with no ends to awkwardly tuck in

you are done! enjoy your Plushie Of Cuddling (Sensory +3)

additional notes

if you want to keep the poly beads to one area of the plush’s body, you’re gonna need to sew a beanbag, fill that with the poly beads of the proper weight, and then insert the beanbag into the plush. i didn’t need to do this because i was completely filling my plush with poly beads but it might help for those of you who want slightly less unruly or heavy plushies

the plushie texture is basically that of a classic beanie baby. that works for me but might not work for you, just be aware

i weighted 6 plushies in the span of 4 hours using this method. my heaviest was about 5x the size of Pat the moose and ended up being filled with 3 pounds of beads

bonus image of me & pat the moose, who was such a good sport and also the literal first stuffie i tried this on

also pictured: my build-a-bear pikachu being used as a pillow

[baby-dollguts-blog]

GARMIN TACTIX

My Apple Watch helps me to keep track of my health and makes up for my crummy memory with calendar and to-do notifications. Being able to control my music or respond to a text message without taking my phone out of my satchel? Awesome.

Too bad it sucks so much as a travel companion on long trips.

Where I prefer to travel with as few cables as possible, the Apple Watch demands a charger that can’t be shared by my iPhone or iPad. While travelling off the grid, I can often go a few days without having to charge my iPhone and iPad. With the Apple Watch, I’m forced to top it off, Every. Single. Day—chipping away at the power reserves of the external battery I keep in my pack. That means fewer recharging cycles for my other devices. And despite coming with a tough metal body and ion-X scratch-resistant glass or a sapphire crystal display, the Apple Watch is far from rugged.

Happily, the GARMIN TACTIX ($600 on Amazon), a waterproof, overbuilt GPS and fitness-oriented smartwatch made by Garmin, quashes all of these issues and offers enough baked-in functionality to keep even the most tech-oriented traveler happy.

Admittedly, this isn’t my first Garmin rodeo. I’ve worn the original Tactix since acquiring one back in 2014 as part of my load out for trekking across Spain. For every step of the hike, I wore the original Garmin Tactix: the company’s first go at a ruggedized GPS watch designed for use by law enforcement and military personnel. Its vibrating alarm woke me up every morning and its built-in barometer let me know when a storm was on its way. Most importantly, its compass and GPS functionality got me back on track on a couple of occasions when my mind, and consequentially, my body, wandered off course. Thanks to a software upgrade in 2015, it became capable of relaying notifications from an iPhone at the cost of a tremendous hit to its battery life. I loved it and wore the Tactix up until it was antiquated by my Apple Watch, with its wide variety of apps, and solid fitness tracking capabilities.

However, after testing the Tactix Bravo for the past five weeks, Garmin’s earned my loyalty back.

Available with either a silicon band or interchangeable black and olive drab NATO-style straps, Garmin’s Tactix Bravo is based on their Fenix 3 GPS watch ($550 to $600 on Amazon). There’s a few differences between the two: the Bravo comes with tactical and jumpmaster applications (for engaging military badassery) and is ready for use with night vision goggles. It also has a different case design than the Fenix 3, featuring a sapphire glass face (which you can get as a costly extra for a Fenix 3,) and a carbon coated, scratch-resistant stainless steel body. If you don’t feel like you need any of these features (and few people really do), save yourself a few bucks and a get Fenix 3 instead. Or don’t—I personally like the Bravo’s looks as much as I do its functionality and feel the extra cost is justified as I plan on wearing it daily.

At 2.0 x 2.0 x 0.6 inches in size and weighing 3.09 ounces, the Bravo isn’t a small watch. But after wearing it for an hour, you’ll forget that it’s even there until you need it. Then you’ll find that, unlike the Apple Watch, the Bravo’s color display is always on and daylight readable. Using it at night? No problem: its backlight turns on with the push of a button. Speaking of which, now’s as good a time as any to mention that the Bravo’s functions are all navigated via a five-button interface. That capacitative touch isn’t a part of the Bravo’s DNA means that you can use it with wet hands or even underwater. Did I mention that it’s waterproof? Because it totally is, down to a depth of 100 meters.

As for apps, the Bravo can’t compete with the volume of options available to Apple Watch users, but it’s no slouch either. Users can accept/reject phone calls, have limited control over their iPhone’s music and receive iPhone notifications right out of the box. Thanks to the Bravo’s built-in omnidirectional antenna it can receive GPS/GLONASS satellite data in a wide variety of challenging environments, making it possible to find your way through the woods or the city with waypoints or tracing your way back along a track you just finished walking. It also comes with a compass as well as a self-calibrating altimeter and barometer.

For the healthy, or for folks like me who are hoping to avoid their first heart attack, the Bravo can track a wide variety of activities including golfing, walking, running, hiking, cycling, and swimming. It’s also possible to accurately monitor your heart rate through the use of either a running- or swimming-oriented heart rate monitor. Of course, it’ll monitor your step count. And with help of third-party apps like MyFitnessPal and Strava, you’ll be able to track your calorie intake and other important metrics. While the watch can keep track of your daily progress on its own, the data is best viewed on your iPhone using Garmin’s free Connect app. Should all of this not enough to keep you happy, don’t fret: Connect also serves as a gateway to a curated collection of free apps, widgets and watch faces for your Bravo.

So, that’s the watch’s build specifications and functionality covered. Now let’s talk battery life. For a smartwatch, it’s absolutely insane.

Depending on how you use your Tactix Bravo, you can milk up to six weeks of use out of a single charge. If you leave its GPS running, full-time, this number drops down to 20 hours. Looking to find middle ground, I ran a simple experiment: Turning my Bravo’s Bluetooth on so that it could receive notifications the same way my Apple Watch does, I used it in the same manner as I would an Apple-branded wearable. To simulate the daily charge I’m accustomed to giving my Apple Watch, I turned the Bravo off at night when I went to bed and then powered it back on first thing in the morning before putting it on. Even while receiving a heavy amount of vibrating notifications per day and occasionally using the watch’s GPS functionality, I was able to go two-and-a-half weeks before the Bravo needed to be topped off. After a three-hour charge, it was back in the game.

With this being the case, if you’re in the market for a tough, highly functional wearable that can go weeks between charges, I strongly suggest checking the Tactix Bravo out.