#so i have no idea where i got the inspiration from

[justaghostwithbones]

This is so beautifully articulated. I alternate between sprinting forward to moonwalking back… sometimes years. Sometimes I take up residence in that bygone time, and wallow in trying to change it, while imaging I don’t know how that storyline tragically ends. Sometimes I sprint forward then; start building the blocks of the life that I want. I’ll get it partially built… and then… and then… and then… I’m back in the past again, somewhere else this time. Trying to prevent a different moral crime.

But for just about a month now, I’ve held still (with a moment or two of those springs to half-build things; though instead of running backward, I just pause). I’m learning to crawl. I’m building those skills.

(CW: death, grief, suicide, animal death)

Something I’ve learned, so painfully, through so many genuine tragedies—the death of my little family: first my husband of almost ten years… then the first dog we adopted together (and even the people who hate it when others compare human children to pets would fully vouch for the fact that I showed my guys more love and sacrificed more for them than many human parents of human kids), who died spontaneously in my arms from a condition that couldn’t be screened for. He didn’t suffer, it was fast. I wailed when I felt his last breath. I had never felt something die before and it rewrote some of my DNA. I never wanted to outlive my dogs, and I couldn’t believe I had to. I had these primal screams of rage at “God” for everything I had already lost, but my baby deserved peace from me, even if he wasn’t really “there” at the moment, so I swallowed my rage and I held him for over an hour. Talking about everything he was and everything he meant and all of the people he had inspired with his spunky personality as a rescued dog who had done some time in the streets. I pressed my forehead against the top of his head and health my breath, unable to accept he was gone. I listened to songs with his fuzzy, sweet body cradled close to me while I kissed his face.

His “big” brother, whom we adopted a year later than our first guy, but was triple his size deteriorated quickly, and after torturing myself with data and research, I looked into his eyes one day and knew that he was asking me for help. He’d been to veterinary specialists several times in the previous few months, but there was nothing any of them could do for him. It was just age. He was a large breed dog who was at least 14. They kept telling me I couldn’t have done more. I knew the only help I could give him was to let him go. So I made an appointment and planned for him to pass peacefully under a tree my late-husband planted. I took him to the place where my husband and I got married. I gave him all of the carbs he wanted (once he got into the double digits, he felt he earned the right to snag food, and he never met a piece of bread he didn’t love). I took pictures of him against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains in the summer. I slept on my husband’s side of the bed (because he slept in a raised bed my husband built for him there), so I could pet him all night, every night I still had him. That gold-hearted guy ended up passing two days before this wonderful vet service was scheduled to come to my house… he still couldn’t fully let go, so they made an emergency visit, and he ultimately died in my arms on my late-husband’s side of the bed, after a couple hours of me laying with him and telling him stories and playing him songs and mapping out his irises like they would be my compass, because I had to no idea how to navigate life without his protective instincts. Because I didn’t know if my bones had another loss in them. I silently begged for his wisdom and felt so selfish for not being able to stop time and reverse biology and get more time with him. He loved my husband much more than he loved me, in the beginning, and there was some real poetic beauty in where he chose to let go—he didn’t get up on the bed regularly at that point; he hadn’t for years. But for a couple hours, I got to thank him out loud for everything that I could remember to say out loud. He licked tears off my face. His tail wagged when my mom arrived. I whispered to him until I felt his heart stop, and continued after.

In under 2.5 years, I lost my husband, my career, my health (I still am not allowed to work due to my disabilities), and my babies I’d “raised” for 12, and 11 years, respectively. And I haven’t moved forward. The only reason I’m still alive is that… those weren’t my only two babies. Months before my husband died, he fell in love with a puppy we stumbled upon unintentionally while picking up something from a pet store. We didn’t know there was an adoption event held that day. So just over 5 years ago, now, we adopted a puppy. By now, he’s a “legitimate” service dog (cardiac training), and my best friend and confidante. There have been so many nights where I’ve wanted to unsubscribe from earth but just look at him and know he couldn’t live without me. He is my tether to now, and he is how I’ve navigated losing close family relationships (I didn’t suffer the loss of my husband, career, and babies in a way that was palatable for some people. I didn’t do anything crazy, they admit. I just… cried too much. Wasn’t fun to be around. So they didn’t come around. Or call. Or text. I don’t have any real “social media,” so I wasn’t suffering in their face or anything. I just… wasn’t supposed to suffer at all, somehow). He is the reason I’m working so hard in therapy (and have been for nearly 4 years, but REALLY doing painful work for the past 4 months) in the hopes that I will start to want to wake up. That I will look forward to living. That I am determined to find a way to live and not just exist. That I can build a sustainable way to move forward.

But right now, I’m proud of myself for holding still, even when it hurts everywhere and I know all my internal escape routes, all of the ways I can distract myself, all of my hiding spots, all of the ways I can bleed to distract my brain from its selfish existential suffering. But I’m not using them. I’m just holding still, sometimes shakily, sometimes while holding my breath, sometimes through hours of silent tears running down my face.

It’s a kind of poetic irony that I found this person’s beautiful sentiment—that made my neurons start firing in a way that I could write about things I’ve never been able to speak aloud with any level of detail—on the eve of “spring forward” (though I, along with literally everyone else, hates the fact that we can’t stick to either daylight or standard time year round. It’s literally the only thing there’s true consensus about in the U.S.; sincerely); because that’s what I want to do. Maybe in March I’ll only be crawling, but it’s still forward motion. Because I know I won’t make it through 2025 if it’s like 2024. The world is getting worse and I have every excuse to do the same. The world is getting worse so I refuse to do the same. The world is getting worse so I am going to get better.Not perfect. Not perfectly. Tearfully, painfully, tragically, better. I’m going to keep the coffee dates adults pretend to make. I’m going to meet the neighbors I’ve lived near for 13 years. I’m going to learn how to exist among tragedy without feeling tragic. I’m going to learn to tell the stories of what I’ve lost with the aim of learning to gain things, not as an excuse for why I don’t ever even dare to want anything because I know so deeply the pain of loss. I want to grieve, but not be the physical embodiment of grief. I want to learn how to want things. I want to learn how to say that I want things. I want to learn what I like to do. I want to learn how to find joy and not just be busy.

I want.

how do you reconnect to life after being disconnected for so long

[chocochiffonnn]

Love Box

➸ Pairing: Nishimura Riki x Student! Reader (ft.Jungwon of Enhypen)

➸ Word Count: 21k. (removed some parts)

➸ Synopsis: The Love Box was a sacred treasure to the students of Decelis Academy where students pour their heart to people they admire anonymously. One of your responsibilities as the Radio Club president was to read the letters from the miraculous box. You previously hoped to have the ideal high school romance, as you were one of the victims of the aforementioned Love Box. Things don't work out as planned, though, and you find yourself in a romantic turmoil again when the recipient of your letter returns from their abrupt absence. 

➸ Themes: Higschool lovers to strangers, to lovers again. Fic is set in Japan (though Enhypen members are included and have Korean names lol), heavily inspired from the anime Ao Haru ride, and that one romance J-drama I saw a few years back, and another fanfic of Riki that I got inspired from.

➸ Warnings: Reader gives in quite often, Riki is very much a tease but a shy boy at the same time, a sliver of that love triangle, tooth-rotting fluff, a lot of cursing, it has that field trip and jealousy trope thats so typical lol.

➸ Author's Note: its finally here! thank you so much guys for waiting and supporting my first ever full on fic! i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it!! its such a cute romance story!

➸ Taglist: @rikidaze @yangjungwonnie @iboughtnjz @murazbae @shi-toshi @tasnemluvs @btsreadss @katslv0nyu @wondash @honey-bunnysweet @opheliaas-stuff @sadgirlluvsmoney @saeeeee5 @sol3chu @firstclassjaylee @anushkaaaiaiiaiaia @jisel8 (i cant seem to find this user?? im sorry!!)

THE START OF APRIL SYMBOLIZED NEW BEGINNINGS—Something new, something marking the cherry blossoms that effortlessly tumble across your hometown's pavement. Spring, as though you'd call it. And in a country like Japan, evidently, such a season is highly acknowledged

Which, ultimately, led to the idea of dreading school.

During summer break, refusing to go home was in every teenager's nature.

During school, however, going home seemed like comfort more than it should be.

And so, the hustle and bustle of the city did not aid your restlessness, constantly fidgeting and tapping your foot against the concrete's sidewalk as you wait for the red light to turn green.

Once it does, you strap your bag just a tad bid closer and begin to walk.

Dreading school has rarely ran through your mind. Rather, you found it enjoyable, memorable, even. However, whenever it does, the cause of such is because of one thing only— your school's club.

Taking the role and responsibility of being an officer in your school's Radio Club does wonders. Your tasks were simple: aid the Journalism club and announce the daily announcements to the whole facility. The latter, included playing music recommendations from students via CDs that they'd send, and most of all, reading random love confessions from the club's confession box.

It was a sporadic idea that started a couple of years back, by the previous president of the club. The reason being was the Radio Club's diminishing presence. With but a few members, and on the verge of of, "extinction" by the school, the club had to do something.

Which led to the confession box— the Love Box. The tactic had been effective, as during your freshman year, you went as far as tiptoeing to the club's room, slotting your heart-filled letter to the confession box to— someone unbeknownst to you now— and scurrying like you'd committed the biggest crime.

Something differed now, though.

And then, something inspired you to join the club the following year. It had already garnered a couple of members prior to you joining, but eventually, with your perhaps unknowing charm and slight knowledge in radio broadcasting (given your interest in them), you were soon given the position of vice president during your junior year.

You step into the asphalt building of your high school, it's gate accumulating a ridiculous amount of baby pink blossoms— one cascaded down your fingertips. You touch it gently. Something's different, because now, by all technicality, you are the president of the Radio club.

Which meant twice the responsibility, and twice the stress from wholeheartedly reading the letters from the Love Box.

As the president of the club, and taking it upon yourself to announce for the first day of school you arrived a couple of minutes earlier to prepare and rehearse the script at hand.

You made your way into the facility, to the room you've come to frequent during your free time. With the key— having been given to you by the previous president— you haphazardly and excitedly open the door.

It had been a little over two months since you'd step foot here, yet it feels indifferent as ever. You settled your bag somewhere, nearing the radio system, preparing, checking the sound, and testing it to ensure a smooth flow.

Then you go over your script, a couple of minutes pass.

fom behind the door, you hear the aimless chatter of the students. How their summer had progressed, little escapades and adventures, various topics that you could fathom.

Then, you tap the mic and finally spoke,

"The song for today is titled Cherry Blossom by Dept and Ashley Alisha."

Oh, I feel spring is coming And if you could be mine for the season I could show you why you need me, baby

"Happy first day of school, students of Decelis Academy! We're kicking it off with an upbeat song."

So if you're feeling lonely, dear Then throw away all other reasons You can blossom like the trees do, baby

"How is everyone's summer break? The Radio club wishes it was prosperous and enjoyable to everyone."

No, don't you know, like the flowers grow You can grow to have commitment, baby

"Now, we turn to a new page and chapter in our academic life. Leave the troubles and problems behind, and face today with a smile."

So trust me only if you're really okay to give me your love This might never come back again

"The assembly will begin in ten minutes, all students please proceed to the gymnasium."

And when the flowers bloom I hope that we can, too

" Let's all make this year a good one, everyone!"

And we'll blossom in love Cherry blossoms and us

"I seriously cannot believe you right now!"

"Hey— Ow! Stop I said I was being serious!"

When school rolls around, it is practically inevitable for random bruises to appear in your arm.

"I missed you too, Rei." You wince in pain, rubbing your arm. Following your radio announcement, the assembly, and the students settling down their perspective seats, you find yourself, well... In the very same classroom and section as your best friend, Rei.

Short and stubborn, an individual who has terrible eyesight but great knack in discriminating others— Rei was the perfect salt to your sugar, Clyde to your Bonny, hate to your love— she was anything and everything alike; your complete opposite.

If you do so much as take a liking to someone, her immediate response would be— he's short, he's weird, he's rowdy, why are his grades low?

And it didn't matter, for whenever you do end up taking an infatuation to someone, say that senior the previous year, who was practically the epitome of perfect, Rei would have nothing to say. So, in short, her radar is never cut short. She's strict, but protective in a way. And when she finds out no flaws, she's all ears and no mouth. She was practically like the little eyes to your blind body.

"As if!" Rei scoffs, she's stubborn, too. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you got a cat. I could've come over and we could have cuddled!"

You rolled your eyes, "As if, you'd pretend I didn't even exist and all you'd care about is the cat!" Rei snickers, "Totally."

You laugh, looking at the window. Despite the totally overbearing pressure on your shoulders as a senior, on the bright side, your classroom was located at the third floor. And by some random luck, your seat was right beside the window, making it easy for you to feel the breeze and comfort of the air.

Perhaps with such a view, you'd think way less of your future, your college, the career you aren't even sure of pursuing, your life and—

"You have to stop with that look." Rei cuts off with a scoff, "What look?" you practically shot back.

"Like the world is practically against you, like you're in a war or something." You look over her direction, she rolls her eyes, "Come on, let's go get something to eat to distract you."

And as always, somehow, she was always just aware of whatever the hell runs through your mind.

Melon bread, a milk bread, and a carton of banana milk were all you took from the school cafeteria. You and Rei head over to pay for your food when your eyes suddenly scan over a piece of fish shaped bread; bunggeopang. What once used to be your favorite— now, it had only reminded you a bit of something— an empty, hollow, hole. Once, it was filled to the brim with stars and colors.

You shoved the incredulous thoughts away. You're crazy. You immediately thought. Pondering over something that once lingered in the past. It was stupid, it was ridiculous, it was—

"It was him, I really swear it was!"

"Are you sure? You're probably just hallucinating."

"No, he's like, back or something, I heard."

A student abruptly bumps into you, causing you to stumble and lose your footing. Luckily, Rei grabs hold of your arm and stabilizes you, "You good?" She asks, turning her heel to curse at the said students, but you stop and reassure her otherwise.

"I'm good, it was no big deal." You laugh, brushing it off. Rei rolls her eyes, "I swear, students don't know how to watch where they're going these days." She says. You only laugh, paying for your snacks over the counter, "They really don't."

You leave the cafeteria, walking with Rei side by side. Not far away from it, you hear an assembly of boisterous screams and squeals on the way to your classroom. It hadn't perked of much importance, until a student who'd absent-mindedly walked beside you with a friend spoke,

"Who's back?"

"I heard Nishimura Riki's back."

You try your hardest not to puke, you really do. But the name that lolls of the tongue of the person has your mind running and circles, your stomach doing flips, and your mind tumbling in a jumble.

Who, exactly, was back?

"Nishimura Riki's back?!"

It was as if they could hear you.

You felt your soul parting from your physical body, it's remnants floating in the air to be taken for the gods as they laughed below, at your horrendous, terrified, alarmed face.

It was laughable, really. How you remained frozen, still, unnerved. It was impossible to move your feet, they weren't budging. The food you carried had felt twice its size— you really could not move.

"Hey, hey, are you okay? Why're you just—"

"Rei, did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Rei was confused. But before she could do so much as to get a word out, you drag her arm across the hallway and lead her towards the other end with hurried steps.

"Hey— what are you doing! Our classroom's—"

And you lead her to somewhere a little more desert where the squeals and screams were still in line with your ears, but not enough to garner attention. You spoke, "I heard from them that Nishimura Riki is back."

"He's— What?!"

You nod, repeatedly. Twisting, turning, shaking your whole entire existence. "I just felt my body freeze up there, oh my gosh."

"What do you mean, he's back?" Rei repeats and you confirm her question. Nishimura Riki is back.

The Nishimura Riki— the person you dedicated your letter inside that Love Box during your freshman year.

Nishimura Riki— the person who was a friend, but more than a friend.

Nishimura Riki— the person who was less than a boyfriend.

That was, until he left to god knows where without a trace.

And now, he's suddenly back?

"Oh, the nerve he has to—"

"Don't." You interject. Rei's reaction was exactly what you'd imagine, and as much as it poses as a problem in your already anxious brain, you didn't want to make the problem bigger than it ought to be.

"It's... Fine." You say to Rei with a weak smile. It wasn't.

"Is it really, though? That bastard left without a trace, not even a single clue! And he has the nerve to come back."

You feel Rei's anger bubble up, though you couldn't fight back. You felt the exact same, a burning sensation coiling in the pits of your stomach. In the back of your mind, ran a million questions.

What is he doing back here?

Why did he leave with no so much as a trace?

What could he be doing that led him to disappear like a ghost?

Most importantly— how was he doing?

You hated yourself for even thinking of the latter part, yet much was true. As much as you ached to slap him in his face due to anger, part of you couldn't help but think how he's doing now. Is he doing good? Eating good? Taking care of himself?

But you keep it as a thought, partly because you know Rei would kill you if you do so much as voice it out, and also because why would you dare say something like that to the man who broke your heart?

"I know, but I've let it go, I promise." You muster up another smile. You haven't.

Rei looks at you, and despite already knowing the answer, she lets it go. "Are you sure?"

You nod, and she intertwines her arms with yours, "Don't worry, I won't let him get to you, I really swear."

Good, because if she doesn't, you feared you might be the one to come to him instead.

"Yeah, thank you."

Arm in arm you began to resurface and walk with Rei towards your classroom. The squealing had died down a bit, indicating that perhaps his obnoxiously still present fan base had gone off.

You heaved a sigh of relief, and headed towards your classroom, you could only hope you wouldn't bump into him. For today, tomorrow, and the rest of the year as well.

The bell finally rings, the teacher having had enough of their lecture.

It was lunch time now.

Today was like any other, despite it being the first day of school. Rei would go and eat with her club members, as you would head to the Radio club room and read some anonymous confessions placed inside the Love Box. It was a specific highlight of your day.

Some of the letters would contain random confession you had an inkling idea on who the writer would be, some would contain little notes for advice and you'd wholeheartedly offer it.

You liked to consider yourself a pretty good consultant when it came to relationships.

Of course, when it came to yours— that was a different question, and a different point altogether.

You make your way towards the room after waving a short goodbye to your friend, immediately putting the box inside and unlocking it with your magical keys.

As it had been the first day of school, you half-expected a bundle of letters to come pouring out. It was usually like this, a sudden burst of love confessions once the first day of school began, receding to occasional ones as the weeks pass by.

You were right, though, as your fingertips come into contact with one of the letters in a soft baby pink envelope, its color closely resembling cherry blossoms. A stupid, lovesick grin makes its way into your features. There were a couple more, some just plain white envelopes, some embedded with kiss marks and cute designs that you couldn't help but coo.

Over the course of lunch, you'd read over these letters, sometimes going through half, sometimes accomplishing the tasks of finishing them.

However, with today's bunch, it seems it would take you until tomorrow. You really had to call a meeting with your members for a rotation for the readings of these letters.

You make your way towards the radio system, setting it up once more and preparing the baby pink letter, its contents, delicate and fragile against your fingertips.

"Good afternoon, this is the Radio Club, we've finally arrived for the most awaited part of the day."

You smile,

"But first, let's play a song that was requested to me by a student."

You grab the CD, tuning it in and playing the song.

"Everything Has Changed but Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran."

As you read, you lower down the volume.

All I knew This morning when I woke Is I know something now Know something now I didn't before

"To the person I really love the most,"

And all I've seen Since eighteen hours ago Is green eyes and freckles and your smile In the back of my mind making me feel like

"It's a little bit stupid not admitting my feelings out loud and putting up a facade in order to confess, but this was the best I could muster, really."

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now I just wanna know you, know you, know you

"But we've been avoiding like crazy each other these past few days, what could I possibly do? I'm scared of your response, scared of what you'll say to me. I've never felt anything like this before."

Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" And your eyes look like comin' home All I know is a simple name And everything has changed

"We aren't like this before, it's driving me insane, you know? I hinted all of a sudden that I liked you, and then you're in complete avoidance right after! It's scary..."

All I know is you held the door You'll be mine and I'll be yours All I know since yesterday

"Falling in love is scary... I do know of one thing though— I really like you, so, so, so much. I hope... This letter reaches you well, somehow."

Is everything has changed

You read a few more letters, playing along some of the recommended and handed CDs to you by your peers and schoolmates, ultimately reading enough as the bell rang once more and you had to wrap up and broadcast your final announcements.

You fixed your stuff, engulfing your thoughts in the letter you'd just read, feeling a familiar pit bubble up. The person the writer reached out to was in complete avoidance, in denial of their feelings. What a shame. You thought. You hoped, though, they are able to solve that problem sooner or later.

Lack of communication is hell, even worse than breaking up itself. You have no closure, have nothing at all. A sudden knock came upon your door, assuming it had been Rei, you mumble a short ‘come in.’ You hear the door creak, your back faced the person as you continued arranging your things,

"I'm almost done with this!"

"Hey, the teacher's looking for you."

A deep voice chimed in, one that’ defintely did not belong to Rei.

Rei's voice isn't that deep, that low, and raspy either. What? Has she caught a cold or something?

You turn around, only to be proven wrong. And then, the sudden urge to barf and flee returned within an instant.

Indeed, what was in front of you right now was not Rei.

It was Nishimura Riki, in the flesh.

"Ah... I see..." You mumble more so to yourself, panic rushing all over your body as you hurriedly put your notebooks in your bag. One came falling down, the rest following suit. You curse beneath your breath, kneeling down and picking it up.

You hadn't felt him come near, only taking sensation of it once of his hands aided you in grabbing the notebook, fingertips brushing against yours. A short electric jolt was sent through your spine, from your vision, all you could see were his veiny and long hands, stacking your notebooks and handing them to you.

Nothing else, not even his arms, his head, his eyes, nothing.

"Do you always bring this much stuff?" He chuckles. It was the first time you hear him chuckle in a year. The mysterious feeling appeared, the urge to puke having been long gone. Yet you don't answer, your own mouth betraying you and lacking to give some sort of answer.

Instead, you fixate yourself on your bag.

"Thank you." Was all you mumble, standing up once you were done and Riki follows suit. Finally, you gained the courage to take a peek at his features.

Not much has changed, really.

Except... His voice was way deeper, he was way taller, features more sharper than before.

Gosh. Is it really possible to change this much in just a year?

Perhaps it was just you thinking of such. After all, you have Riki memorized like the back of your hand. It didn't matter where he was, in a large and rollicking crowd, you'd be able to tell him apart.

Now, you weren't so sure.

A smug grin makes its way to his features. "You done staring?"

Well, he's still as cocky as ever, that feature of his remained.

You scoff, rolling your eyes, "As if." and brushing past him like air. You had to make him believe you were unfazed with his presence suddenly appearing with the snap of a finger. You had to make him think, "Oh, I wasn't such a big deal to her? That hurts."

As much as he was a bigger problem than anything else, you refused to back down.

After what he's done? Over your dead body.

"Why was she looking for me, by the way?"

You say, as your back faces Riki. You don't turn around, so you don't acknowledge the fact that he's already besides you, hands in his pocket, shrugging his shoulders. Stupid ass long legs.

"Something about me, I guess. Maybe she wants to reunite us?" The latter part of his sentence had a hint of mischief in it, but you were not having it. "That would be the president's job, not mine."

"And could you move out? I need to lock and close the doors."

"Woah, you've got a bit of a bite now, I like it." He laughs, following your instructions anyways and exiting the room.

“Anyways, thanks for that. You can go now, if you need to catch up on some things, please do so by approaching the class president.”

You walk away after locking the door, hurried and brief, fully intent on brushing him off. But Nishimura Riki stays grounded, walking alongside you, even having the nerve to place his unimaginably long hands atop your head and ruffling your hair.

It’s what he’s always done before, a habit of his which was dangerous. It didn’t help that there were students around, gaining you some questionable looks. “Stop that.”

“The teacher told me to bring you along. Not call you.”

Great. As if this was making the circumstance any better.

“I see, fantastic.” Sarcastic.

Riki pretended to feign hurt, teasingly poking his heart with a finger, “Ouch. I missed you too.”

“And I—“ you look at him straight in the eye, and he does the same. You frown, “Don’t. So stop acting so chummy with me.”

Behind Riki’s playful words, his eyes painted itself with something like… Hurt. But you must’ve been mistaken, because a second after, he was teasing you again. “You’re reaalllyyyy stubborn now. It’s cute.”

“Stop.” You say, distancing yourself from him just a bit as you make your way towards the teacher’s office. Riki doesn’t pry any further, opting to give you a playful laugh as he inserts his hands in his school pants.

God, if you hear him laugh again, you would go insane. As in— I miss your laugh, I wanna kiss you type of insane.

Which is not even good.

The two of you finally reached the office, knocking gentle and entering after hearing a come in from your teacher. Contrary to what you had been hoping, Niki was right. The teacher truly believing that you had now reconnected like old pals (deeming it as a situation which you are aware Riki left) and ultimately, putting you up against a situation you know you would regret in the long run— to help him catch up with tasks and work.

Which, how did that even make sense?

It’s the first day of school! He quite literally has nothing to catch up on. According to your teacher, however, most of the subjects would base and stem from your previous subjects during your junior year, which of course would naturally make it hard for Riki to catch up. That’s where you come in, apparently. The task was simple: tutor Nishimura Riki until he gets his ass settled down.

What, did he not do school in whenever the hell he disappeared to?

He doesn’t even need to settle down, its his old school! He knows every nook and cranny.

“It’s just going to be beneficial for the three of us, you two are already close so it won’t be much of a hassle to navigate through and help Riki.”

“Not clo—“

“Thank you, Mrs Koichi-san.” Riki smugly grins at the teacher, “I’ll make sure to listen well to Y/N.” Then he looks at you, smiling faintly. Though from the back of your head, it felt sarcastic and forced.

“She’s a great mentor, after all.”

Mrs-Koichi smiled. “Thank you, Y/N. I expect nothing less of you.”

There it was again. The overbearing expectance of something. Of course, there had to be something. You offered her a tight-lipped smile back. You couldn’t refuse, you couldn’t dare to do so now.

“Sure, Mrs-Koichi. I’ll make sure to fill Riki in on the missing tasks.”

As forced as it may sound, it didn’t feel too bad in the back of your head.

Perhaps it was just the little voices screaming inside your head, the little demon and angel bearing upon your shoulders. This wasn’t good. But at the same time, this was what you’ve been waiting for the whole time. It didn’t feel too good, though.

Riki and you turn to leave the office after a short bow, the awkward silence hanging in the air. Maybe it was only you that felt that way. Riki breaks the silence, “So… When are you available?”

“What?”

“I said when are you available, I actually do need catching up.”

You see his sheepish gaze, the way he reluctantly scratches the nape of his neck with his hand.

“You’re actually serious?”

He looks at you like some sort if joke. “Why would I not be?”

“Well…”

You ponder, but opted close your mouth. Riki is not the type to care about such stuff. Though you said you’d fill the words of expectations of your teacher, regardless of what you do, you’ve always pegged and known him the type to just not care at all. Countless have you tried to get him to care a little bit more about his studies, given the fact that he was part of the basketball team and being a fragment of that team meant having somewhat considerable grades.

He did, but he only ever does so much. Bare minimum, per se. Enough to have his spot kept at the basketball team, and enough to earn him a scolding from his mother the moment she sees his grade.

So, this was rather a surprise to you. “Um… When do you want to start?”

He grins, a glint of surprise feigning his eyes, “Are you free later after class?”

You think about it. Rei wouldn’t be too pleased about the situation at hand, but you are only helping Riki with his grades. After this, everything will completely dissipate.

Right?

“Yeah, sure. At the library it is, then.” You nod towards him, Riki smiles softly, suddenly ruffling your hair once more. “See ‘ya then.”

Then before you could even do or say something, he was walking off like the most nonchalant person ever. Like he didn’t just make your stomach tumble in agony, like he didn’t just capture a thousand, million butterflies and stuffed them inside your mouth and mouth saying— It doesn’t matter it feels like you’re pushing me aside, I still got to you anyways! Hah!’

“You’re stupid.”

“I know.”

“Knowing doesn’t count, I have to drill that into you— youre oblivious and stupid.”

“I’m not oblivious! Just stupid and— ugh. You know what? I don’t see the point in defending myself.”

“Good, because you don’t have much of a fight anyways.”

Rei scolds you.

As she always does when you end up making some sort of stupid decision. And by all decisions and every decision ever— This was your stupidest one by far. It had dawn upon you, how ridiculous the situation really is. You couldn’t justify yourself, what is there to justify? Your lingering feelings?

“I’m just helping him, okay? The teacher wanted me to do it.”

“And? Why couldn’t Mrs-Koichi ask like, I don’t know, someone from his class, like— the class president. I know she must have a major crush on him or something.”

You remove your hands from your tangled hair, the words picking at you. “What?”

“You know? Naomi. She’s always the class president in whatever class she’s in.”

“She’s the class president?"

“I mean, there’s no technical election yet from what I heard but it’s practically obvious. It’s like, a tradition at this point.”

Kazu Naomi.

You had no particular beef or dispute with her, except for maybe the fact that she was too perfect for your liking. Always at the top of her class, prim and proper— she was as pristine as a diamond could possibly be. Teachers rarely reprimanded her, students coo at the mention of her name. She was as ideal as ideal could possibly be.

During your freshman year, she’d taken a particular liking to Nishimura Riki, unbeknownst to you. She hadn’t done so much as to voice it out, but girl to girl, you fervently felt it. Felt the way she scooted a tad bit closer to Riki whenever she talked to him, felt the way she scooped a strand of her hair behind her ear in an attempt to make it look cute, the way she delicately spoke like a fragile little flower in front of him, attempting the most obvious things to try and get his attention.

And you couldn’t blame her, because she always had the means to do so. She was pretty, kind, outgoing, and confident too. Someone who’d perfectly balance Nishimura Riki’s stoic, stern, and ridiculously cocky demeanour. But, well, life takes surprising terms at times and by the end of it, the thoughts of them together were but a lingering fantasy for majority of the students' mind. Wondering, why you out of Naomi? Wondering, what exactly made you different?

She only do so much as let her admiration linger.

And you feel this very moment right now that it still lingers. But it shouldn’t matter, it was really none of your business. It really shouldn't matter, you think to yourself as you scribble down the possibilities of the two getting together given they are in the same class. It really, really shouldn't matter.

"I hope you know you're stupid and you know what you're getting yourself into."

Last period, you had yourself in a little frenzy. Minutes had felt like hours, and once the clock had finally ticked and it was time to go, you bolted as fast as you possibly could and fixed your things.

Rei sensed your hurriedness, and in no particular attempt to try and stop you, she just sighs and ought to give a warning. Which, ultimately surprised you as you halted to look at her, "You're not pulling me away or something like that?"

As what she'd always do when a guy doesn't pass her radar.

She just shrugs, "I don't really want you miserable and coming to me after. Or, have you miserable because you were too much of a wuss."

You just snort, "I suppose it wouldn't help if I tell you that— no, I don't really know what in the world I'm getting myself into."

"I know that."

"How?"

"I just do. Now go and help that guy get his shit together."

You smile, and with the heels of your feet, the tight clasp of your hands against each other, and a loudly beating heart— you just ran.

"What subjects in particular do you need help with?" You scan a particular textbook, a couple of books splayed across the table in front of you.

Beside, was Nishimura Riki who mindlessly rolled his pen around his fingertips. It was 3PM, a couple of hours before the library closes. Tutoring him for perhaps a single subject would suffice, two if you were lucky.

Riki hums to ponder, then he speaks, "Chemistry. I suck at it."

You nod, "I checked the curriculum, if it's right, I suppose we'll be tackling Intermolecular forces first." Riki nods along as you skim through the contexts of the chemistry book and handout for your grade level. It was not a particularly hard topic but succeeding these would mean to a new topic filled with computation.

You know it was Riki's waterloo, so you proceeded to explain such concepts in the most basic manner. You sat beside him, pencil in hand as you wave your hands around in an attempt to discuss the topic at hand. From your peripheral vision, Riki listens.

Albeit slouching, laying his head atop his hand and his arm resting lazily on the table, Riki listens. Silent, unnerved... Just attentive. Attentive of the way you mumble 'hmm' every time you messed a word up, the way you furrow your brows when thinking, the way you click your pen around.

He doesn't listen to whatever the hell that Intermolecular force is— he listens to you.

Unmindful of his actions, Riki's hands come to lose being astray as his left makes its way towards a strand of your hair— your bangs. His fingertips unconsciously move a strand of hair away from your features, an occurrence that makes you halt and freeze.

Riki soon realizes that he's done because he pulls back the second after, choking on his own words as he apologizes. "There was... There was something in your face." He defends.

You nod slowly, feeling the tinge of heat creep up your cheeks. "I see." Were all the words you can muster.

"I swear it—" Riki pulls back, "Don't bark up another snarky response, please god, no."

A sudden chuckle leaves your mouth, "What? Are you afraid of it or something." it was a rhetorical question, one that he answers, "Yes."

You eye him seriously for a second, then you scoff, mumbling beneath your breath, "Serves you right."

Riki gasps exasperatedly, "What?"

"I said, serves you right." You repeat this time, with a bit more force and weight as you dared to look at him, Riki looks at you with, surprised, but intrigued. "Are you... Mad at me right now?"

"I'm not. Why would I be? I have no reason to be."

Riki just snorts, poking your cheek ever so gently, "Why're you acting like that then?"

"Like what?"

"Like your boyfriend just left you or something."

Does Riki even know? It did indeed feel like that. It had felt like a thousand crumbling worlds was lunged at you, Riki doesn't know that. It did indeed felt like you lost a boyfriend— hell, you weren't even in a relationship.

You stay silent, choosing not to respond as you choke back your tumbling words that threatened to escape. Riki must've sensed this, because the very next minute, he was apologizing again. "Ah— No, I didn't mean it that way. Hey, are you crying? I'm sorry. Shit— fuck, I'm sorry."

It seems there must be some things that you cannot choke back. One of this, was your bulging urge to break down. Tears unknowingly flow from your eyes, Riki panics and takes out his handkerchief, closing the distance between you and him. He holds your chin gently, tilting it upwards and dabbing away your tears delicately. His face remained concern, apologetic, and stained with worry.

But he doesn't let you go, doesn't trouble with the way you gush your whole entire pent up, builded tears. Instead, he scoots just a tad bit closer, letting go of his hold on your chin and rubbing your neck with his left hand. He feels warm and indifferent.

And when you finally stopped crying, sniffling away the remaining snobs, did you finally look at him.

"Sorry, forget that happened."

Riki shakes his head, "It's okay... It's my fault, really."

You nod, agreeing with what he'd just said. "Can I— Can I maybe explain this whole entire thing to you?"

"After a year of leaving me out the dark? I don't really think so."

Riki looks at you, soft and tender, "I swear I have a reason and I don't want to get you involved. It's difficult, it's just—"

"And you know whatever it was I'd understand that."

Riki pauses, then he nods, "I'm sorry it's just... Everything at home makes it difficult for me to explain."

"Is it..." You tread carefully, "Is it something about your father again?"

Riki hesitantly nods. "It is, and we had to move to cities because of him being an ass."

You understood that part, "What about the sudden disappearance?"

At this point, Riki had not really let you go, still clasping your neck with his left hand and the other somehow intertwining with your hands. He rubs it with his thumb as he speaks, "I wanted to forget everything here, I thought I could. But I couldn't, I really couldn't. Especially not this and... Not you."

Something about his words felt oddly comforting, despite the fact that his initial intention was to eradicate perhaps even the smallest, fleeting moments with you. But you couldn’t blame him, not when his eyes this very moment lacked the particular mischief he always carried.

He looked at you with such softness, and it didn’t help that you were looking at him with those eyes.

Riki groans, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. “What’s wrong?” You ask him.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He lets go of his grip on your neck, rubbing his eyes, “Looking at you like what?”

“Like that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“I might just kiss you if you don’t stop.”

His words made you choke, turning your head around to avoid his gaze. “What the heck are you talking about…”

Riki chuckles, still caressing your hand with his thumb, “Sorry, might have gone too far there.”

Flustered, you turn your head around to smack him in the chest. Riki allows you once, the second time, he grabs hold of your wrist and drives it towards his face. Unconsciously, you open your palms and allow him to place it beneath his cheeks.

His cheekbones, sharp and defined. Riki was no longer a silly little boy who was the very epitome of the devil itself. Aside from his very notable physical changes in his features, Riki felt… More relaxed, composed, and less rowdy. Despite the fact that he’s always kept to himself even now, something about him, though not significant to some, something about him really shifted.

You couldn’t deny the fact that he is attractive. That was a given, a fact that was not only shared by you, but also perhaps anyone who saw him at a first glance.

It was stupid, stupid really. How you let him linger his fingertips within your proximity, how you let him let his gaze last a little bit longer because you liked it too. You liked it when he stared at you like that and nobody else.

Was that too selfish?

Riki hums, nuzzling his head further into your warm palm and closing his eyes. He looks at you, grinning, “You good?”

But he knew you weren’t. You know you aren’t. You were gonna explode.

Riki laughs, pulling your hand back and kissing the back of it, “Mmm…”

“Riki…”

He hums.

“What are you thinking of right now?”

“Me?”

You nod. “You’re doing all this to me and yet— I still can’t read your mind. I don’t know what you’re thinking of, it’s driving me insane.”

Sighing, you pull your hands back away from his grip and let it settle upon your lap, fumbling with the hem if your uniform. Riki raises his brow, shoulders relaxing as he leans back on his chair.

The words that came out of his mouth felt like the easiest thing ever,

“You. I’m thinking of you.”

“The limit of this functions is that as X approaches to—”

God, you couldn’t focus. This was your limit. Not the whole entire maths thing the teacher was gnawing away at right now.

“But well, this function here can never approach X. It’s a little funny, right? Imagine it as a situation of wanting to reach something, but you couldn’t because there’s an obstacle of some sort. That right there is the asymptote, and—”

You’re the function. Riki’s the X.

“And this function here goes on and on and on. It’s infinite, it always comes back, per se.”

You’re definetely the function.

“Pst, hey—“

Someone pokes you from beside, pulling you out of your ridiculous trance. It was Rei. “You good?” She whispers, concern tainting her features.

After telling her everything that happened yesterday during your little study session with Riki, needless to say, Rei was beyond baffled. Not so at the fact that you poured your whole heart and soul in front of the man she’d willingly curse at, but more so at the fact that Riki, according to your description… Differed.

Of course, she was rather upset at you for breaking your walls down that easily in front of him, but nothing really ever happened except for some explaining from his side.

At least, that’s what you told her anyways.

The fact that he held your hand, your cheeks, pulled you a little bit closer to him— All you deemed insignificant for Rei’s knowledge. And, well, she could partly see why you’re so absent-minded right now, though, not really understanding the complete reason as to why.

“I’m fine.” You muster a small smile towards her, giving her a thumbs up.

“That’s it for the lesson today, make sure your notes are all arranged, including today’s lesson. I’ll be collecting them later.”

Oh shit. You looked down your notebook. You weren’t able to write anything at all, just scribbles of random stuff, mind too preoccupied with everything all at once. You internally groaned, grabbing Rei’s notebook out of the blue and copying her notes as fast as lightning.

“It’s a little bit early to be announcing this right now, but I thought it’ll benefit you all.”

You pay no attention, continuing to hammer down your notes.

“In honor of the school’s parting gift for the seniors, the graduating batch, staff, and teachers of Decelis Academy will have a little field trip the following week.”

With that, students beamed at the teacher’s sudden announcement. Your ears perked up at what you’d heard, looking at Rei with a short grin along your face. She smiled back, “Are you coming?”

“Of course I am!”

Despite it being a little too early for a field trip for your academy, you weren’t really one to complain. That meant having two trips all in the same year, which is not bad at all. It had been weird for your school to consider a trip so early, but well, early vacation it is, you suppose.

After being given more details about the trip at hand, and finally stuffing in Rei’s notes in your notebook, lunch finally rolled around once more. All mentions of your absent-mindedness having gone down the drain as the two of you talk about the trip,

“You think we’re going swimming or something?”

“Knowing the school? We’ll probably do some history museum or—“

“Boring!”

You laugh, sharing the same sentiment with Rei. After a few more words, you say goodbye to each other and headed towards your usual— the Radio club room. Last night, you’d call a small meeting before school had started with the rest of your members. Starting tomorrow, there will be a random rotation when it came to the announcements.

Today, however, was your task. You did as you would during your usual days, organizing, reading some particular letters from the Love Box, and playing random music recommendations from the students.

After an hour of doing so, you checked the time: around ten more minutes before lunch was over. Taking this as an opportunity to buy something from the cafeteria, you scurried to fix your things and headed out from the room. Maybe you’ll get some milk bread again today, or whatever the cafeteria had available.

However, upon reaching the cafeteria, you saw there was no more milk available which meant having to go and buy from the vending machine just outside. It was a bit of a hassle, but with the urge and determination to buy milk, you headed out.

The vending machine was near the gymnasium, and it had been no surprise to hear sneakers and footsteps once you entered. Usually, during lunch, students would rather find time to play than to actually eat. Thus, you ignored the ruckus and proceeded to buy yourself some milk.

Then you heard it— the loud thudding and laughter.

“That was my point!”

Someone shouts, laughing along the people he was playing with. A ball bounces, you pretended not to care, slotting some coins to get your milk. Then the noise stops for a complete second. You supposed they were taking a break, you shrugged and placed the straw inside your drink.

As the straw neared your lips, something or rather— someone, took a sip of your drink first. It was swift, and two second later, your drink was no longer within your grasp!

Frustrated, and ready to curse at whoever the hell took your drink, you twitched your head to the side to capture the culprit.

Sweat beading from his forehead, his hair wet and disheveled. His cheeks are a bit red from all the running, clothes soaked in perspiration. He smiled towards you, sipping your banana milk dry.

You didn’t move, staring at him with a — are you serious?— type of face. He throws the banana milk to the trash, patting your head and ruffling your hair. The slight height difference was visible, you smacked his hand away in annoyance. Or maybe you were flustered.

“And that, was mine.” You argued, sighing and taking out a few more coins to get some more milk.

Riki's teammates all yelled something about playing one more round, to which he shouts, "Coming!"

He then turns towards you, "Are you coming to the field trip?" He says, you think about it for a moment. "Why are you asking?"

"I just want to know." Riki says.

You shrug, "Yeah, I guess." Then he grins, ruffling your hair once more and turning back to his teammates. "I'll just play again, see you later at the library?"

You nod, half-expecting him to not come at all. "See you."

Nonetheless, you head to class with a huge, stupid, lovesick grin plastered on your face that you tried your hardest to bury away, yet to no avail.

And from the corner of your eyes, you see her — Kazu Naomi.

"Riki! I was looking for you everywhere!"

Then everything washed down upon you, the grin dissipating, as fast as day.

Over the span of one week, you learned a few of the following:

1. Nishimura Riki hates anything literature more than he does math.

2. Nishimura Riki, once he’s up to it, is actually a rather fast and efficient learner. (though the situation is seldom)

3. Nishimura Riki told you your voice sounded nice every time you announced and that, according to him— he loves it when your voice is put up the speaker.

4. Nishimura Riki apparently is the eye-candy for many girls and guys alike. (not that it was anything new.)

5. The previous statement connects with the fourth— with one of those people being none other than Kazu Naomi.

6. Nishimura Riki and Kazu Naomi are close.

Regardless of the fact that all of these learnings centered around Riki, perhaps hinting you are a bit too observant when it came to him, out of all these, nothing pisses you off more than the last stament mentioned.

Well, it didn’t really matter whether or not hundreds of girls flocked over to his side, because he always did give off the plain, uninterested, boring response. It did however matter though when the person who flocked around is Kazu Naomi.

You see it.

You see the way she galloped around, attempting to join in conversations between Riki and his friend and the way she’d delicately. Delicately laugh and giggle like a sealion in front of him. And Riki would laugh, geniunely laugh, and put inputs of his own with keen interest.

Of course, you only ever saw during lunch. But if that’s what happens during lunch, then what more could happen inside the classroom? A classroom which, they sit next to each other.

Makes stuff ten times more troubling.

“Why are you so spaced out, chum? Help me with this question,” Riki abruptly says. You’ve earned the title of chum now, rooting from your words a few days prior— ‘quit acting chummy with me.’

You shake your head, “What was it again?”

Riki chuckles, pointing his pencil towards a problem. He was still sitting as lazily as ever, slouching and putting his arm on the table. “What’s the problem?”

“It’s this. I don’t get this.” You glance at the problem, before solving it on your own and—

Does Kazu Naomi still like her?

Or even worse, what if he likes her? He laughs without much of a care in the world whenever—

“Chum, what are you bringing for the trip tomorrow?”

“Hm? Oh um probably just some essentials. I won’t be bringing much, why?”

“I think you’re carrying the whole weight on your shoulder.”

“What?”

“I dunno,” Riki shrugs, swiftly taking your shoulders upon his palms and massaging it. “You look like you’re thinking of a lot right now.”

Tense at first, it doesn’t take you long to ease up into his palms. Riki had heavy hands, he massaged your shoulders with ease. “I’m not, it’s just, you know…”

You sigh, feeling to embarrassed to even think about such stuff.

“Mmm?” He tilts his head. “Know what?”

“It’s nothing.” You muster a small smile. “Really?” He was not having it.

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of me chum, you don’t have to, y’know.”

Riki offers you a smug grin. You scoff, slapping his hand away. “I’m right here in front of you. All yours, too.”

“As if. You’re getting too ahead of yourself.” You slap him in the arm, Riki dodges with ease. “You’re cute.”

“What?”

“I said you’re cute.” Riki repeats. This is what you absolutely hated about him. His absolute lack of being dishonest, his effortless ability of being straightforward, and deeming it as a harmless joke afterwards. Although it was a light joke, it never really is for your beating heart.

It didn’t help that his remarks of honesty is no light feat, either. Who even says stuff like that randomly?

Over the past few days you’ve been tutoring him in the library, you find that his words are either the most dumbest thing, or the most unbelievable thing to leave his mouth. This, being being the latter.

“If you’re trying to smooth talk your way out of physics, nice try.” You counter quickly, rolling your eyes.

“It was worth a shot.”

He shrugs, laughing along your seemingly disgusted face.

Unbeknownst to you, though is that Riki had actually meant every word.

You are cute.

If there is one thing you swore on earth during your freshman year, and ultimately the year after— was to never ever go back or to recall fleeting moments of you and Riki ever again.

Sure, it had been hard to ignore. It was everywhere, traces of where Riki had left off. Your old notebook, the school itself, your phone— most especially your phone.

You hadn’t much of the guts to recall particular moments in life where all you did together with him was chat until the sun rose, at ridiculous topics memes you’d come across. It was a fleeting moment altogether, more than enough to make butterflies float and panic in your stomach.

But a few months after, it was more than enough to make your stomach churn in pain.

So, ultimately, when you lost all contact with Riki, flooding his email and your chat with him had been your only options. Your conversation with him had been filled with messages upon message, some making you look outright desperate in hopes of reaching him and contacting him.

Halfway through your junior year, you stopped sending anything at all entirely. After being given an ultimatum from your best friend, and an abundance of scolding from your parents— chasing after a person who vanished into thin air really was not worth the time.

So you stopped, and you swore to never go back to it again.

Packing your things inside your bag as you played music, you felt your phone ping from your bed. You grabbed your phone, half expecting the notification to be from Rei, only to see the familiar name that pinged upon.

Riki.

His name was still the same as you’d left it, being too shy and embarrassed to change it into something more intimate once your relationship had gotten a tad bit deeper before.

You stare at his name for a minute, contemplating.

You opened the message anyways, excusing the chat for some sort of emergency.

Riki: hey

You: ??

Riki: what else are you bringing lol I feel like I underpacked

You: Why do you keep asking me this, I told you like a million times already

Riki: really? sorry, just wanted a reason to chat you then i guess

Your hear your heart thump against your chest. But your eyes scroll a little upwards, towards the thousand of missed calls and messages you’d left to him a few months prior. They all looked pitiful to even look at.

At this point, you should be mad at Riki for leaving them unopened. Texting you like nothing happened, like you weren’t practically begging to hear from him back before. It should be infuriating, but instead, it only leaves a bitter taste down your throat.

You hated yourself for being this understanding, for caring too much— for being too much.

You: Go to sleep.

Riki: wowwww i’m rather hurt! :(( be a little nicer pls

You: Stop teasing me, it’s annoying

Riki: and you like it, chum

You: I do not.

Riki: you do

You: No.

Riki: yes, i can see u blush whenever i get close to you its adorable

You: Stop being annoying.

Riki: annoying is my middle name

You: what

Riki: lol jus kidding

Riki sends you a meme of a cat that oddly looks like him, jumping around with a silly goofy cafe. His favorite little meme. Odd, it sends a little smile down your face, momentarily forgetting anything else. For once, you let him chat and annoy you to his heart’s content, hoping, wishing, and seeing the old memories pile behind the new ones.

After a night filled with countless memes and gifs with Nishimura Riki, the day of the trip finally came to roll around. Arriving to school early before the sun showed up, and finding it you are just as excited as others are.

Well, that was a couple minutes before.

But now, you’re not so sure anymore as you boarded your bus with Rei.

It wasn’t really such a big deal, given the fact that him and Naomi were classmates, and the bus occupied two sections and you were paired with a section you could care less about.

And, Riki, well… Their section was in a separate bus. It shouldn’t matter, it really didn’t. Not until, from across, you saw their bus. Then, you see him. You see her, too.

Kazu Naomi, sitting down the window seat with Riki beside him.

All color, excitement, and joy faded within your features. Suddenly, all you wanted to do was go home and wrap yourself with your blanket and talk to absolutely no one.

You had the free will to choose your seatmate, Rei was beside you scrolling through her phone. She sensed your dejectedness, and immediately asked whats wrong.

“I don’t know…”

You grumble, fumbling with your colored wristband. But Rei knows full well. Rei knows everything despite you not uttering a word. “This is about Riki again?” You nod, not even feigning innocence anymore.

She sighs, “it’s just for a few gut-wrenching hours, if that makes it any better.”

“You saw?”

“How couldn’t I? She had that stupid little creepy grin on her face,” Rei looked at you, pretending she was shivering. You laughed, “It’s impossible not to notice.”

“Right? And now people will notice, too.”

You groan dramatically, Rei laughs as she pats your back. “I can give him a beating later if you want me to, oh, and her too.”

“Please do the honor.”

She rolls her eyes, not prying into your antics any further.

Your phone pings, you pick it up.

Riki: you alright?

You stare at the text message of the boy, opting to respond:

You: I’m fine.

Then you look outside, towards his bus. Riki coincidentally does the same.

But you left it at that, a simple stolen glance, choosing not to say anything more.

The whole ride on the way to some Mt.Takao (why the school chose some random ass mountain to have the trip on, you could not understand), albeit having your entire existence soaked in worried, you tried your best to push the thoughts aside.

Upon arriving at the top of the mountain, topics of discussion of the activities were all you heard from the people around. Their chatters, even as you unboarded from the bus remained.

Something like team building activities the student council had planned out.

Upon placing some of your stuff in your assigned cabins, it didn’t take long before all the students were gathered once more around the area for some activities. It had been cold and chilly, enough for you to wrap some layers around your body, not too thick, yet not too thin.

Students gathered at the center of the cabins, you walked alongside Rei who was perhaps saying something about her newfound hobby a few days prior.

The student council led by their president— Yang Jungwon, had been in charge of the preparations for the activities and game. Teachers are left for their own entertainment around the mountain, though occasionally, some would check around and make sure all the students are safe.

You knew some of the members of the student council. Aside from the aforementioned president, their vice president, Park Sunghoon. A rather distant man, and someone who often kept to himself. You got to talk to him before after being assigned by the same teacher with a specific task.

Their secretary— Kazu Naomi. Enough information has been said about her. Needless to say, she’s not one to be painting a pleasant taste upon your tastebuds.

Their treasurer— Park Jongseong. A very particular but friendly man. He talked and greeted, and did not really keep much to his shell. You got to talk to him before, during a previous meeting of all the vice presidents the clubs in your school who are next in line for the president position.

Speaking of presidents, Yang Jungwon is a man you could rather say you are close to. As not only is he the president of the student council, he is also a part of the journalism club, one which your club assisted in broadcasting. Meetings and gatherings often led the two of you to communicate and eventually, a budding friendship had grown between.

“Everyone, gather round!” Yang Jungwon spoke, his members beside him as he calls the attention of the students. The two of you make eye contact, you give him a small smile, and he offers one back. You saw him often around school, but you don’t really have much of a real reason to talk to him that much yet given there was no collaborative works between the two of you.

“I hope the presidents of each class has done a solid headcount,” Junwon confirms with the rest of the presidents, proceeding once he got the affirmation.

“We got a couple of activities planned for the day before we all take time to rest.” He announces, “Your wristbands given to you are the assigned groups you’ll be working with for today’s activity. You can proceed to team up with them, and each group will be given an assigned facilitator from the student council.”

Your wristband was blue, Rei’s was yellow.

You parted from your best friend, looking around for possible teammates as the students clamoured and shouted, in search of theirs too. Eventually, you spot a group of people in blue wristbands gathering up, you hurried to join up with them.

With a gentle smile, you come and greet them politely. “Hi.”

They say hello back, you settle in a small chatter with your teammates as you wait for the others. After a few minutes, soon enough, your group had finally been complete. You scanned around, looking for Rei… And maybe Riki as well.

“Y/N, I’m here! Goodluck!” Rei shouts from your peripheral vision, you wish her goodluck. Red team… Blue… Green… Black—

Oh.

Your throat felt dry immediately. As if the occurrence at the bus hadn’t been enough, Riki really just had to be at the team where the facilitator is Naomi.

It isn’t a big deal, it really isn’t.

But it had been a sentence that ultimately, had no effect upon your already jealousy filled heart. And much like the gloomy weather that sounded of rain, the same feeling remained.

You make eye contact with Riki, he smiles, holding his thumbs up— asking with his eyes if you are okay. You are about to respond when, “Y/N! You’re in this team?”

You turn around to look at the person, it was Yang Jungwon. With a friendly smile, you nod. “I am! Are you the facilitator?”

Jungwon nods, making small talk that rendered you unable to respond to Riki’s little sign if concern. And eventually, you’d forgotten all about it.

The first team building was simple. Upon receiving enough information from the student council, you found that they had went here a day prior in order to prepare for the activities. The task was straightforward: complete each checkpoint assigned as a team, with the said checkpoint containing a map leading you to your final goal.

Albeit not having the most extroverted personality, you find yourself getting along with your teammates just fine. And, after a few more chatters, a horn finally blew indicating the task had begun.

It was a bit of a chaos, students roaming and shouting around in excitement as you got lost in the depths of their conversation.

It didn’t bother you much, really. Your teammates are a nice bunch, making small talk and jokes. It seemed all of you shared one thing in particular— in no specific mood of being competitive and just enjoying the entire trip. But that hadn’t meant you wouldn’t complete the task, given that Jungwon was your facilitator and he was encouraging everyone like crazy.

“Jungwon are you sure you don’t want to tell us where the checkpoint is?” You ask him, breatheless sighs came upon your lips as you took another step. God, this mountain was hefty.

Jungwon laughs, shaking his head. “No, then that would be no fun, would it?”

A teammate of yours, Kim Sunoo, joins in the conversation. “You’re always no fun! Come on tell us so our team can win.”

It doesn’t take you long before your group began persuading Jungwon into divulging some hints on the whereabouts, but to no avail. He was as sturdy as a rock.

You sigh, taking another step towards the soil, completely unaware of your feet getting stuck on some thorned plant. One foot in, the other falls backward and trips on the soft, mushy soil immediately. Suddenly, you feel a jolting pain pulsing on your ankle and you could not move.

Jungwon was the first to rush to your side, “Hey! Are you alright—”

“Ow.” You groaned.

Your teammates gathered round upon hearing the sudden fall, concerns written among their faces as they fumble and ask if you’re okay. Jungwon holds them back a bit, “Guys, she might need a bit of space right now. Can you stand?” You attempt to, raising your right foot but ultimately failing to do so with the left as the same pain comes crashing through. “Fuck.”

Luckily, Jungwon immediately catches your slightly falling figure within his arms, settling you down a large boulder instead. “Easy there, did you feel something break?” He asks with concern, you shake your head.

“I don’t think so…” The blood that trickled down your calf was evident enough. “I got my pants wrapped around the thorn, it hurts.”

You try not to look like a wuss but the pain that wraps around your calf was immense. It was taking all your power not to cry in front of these people, let alone talk. Jungwon pauses for a minute, contemplating. Then he spoke,

“We’re not that far off from the first checkpoint, you see that light over there—” He points towards a visible light not too far off, “That’s the first checkpoint, you guys continue to go North and we’ll follow after.”

Looks of hesitancy and questioning bubbled around. Sunoo spoke, “We can’t just leave you here, it’s hard to split up in such a place.”

But them staying here would absolutely be useless. You wouldn’t want to jeopardize the team’s chance behind. “I’m okay, we can’t all stay here. You guys go and get our first checkpoint and we’ll meet up soon after.”

“But—”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry, it’s just a small wound, go.” You cover up the bloddong with your right hand, Jungwon comes to your aid, kneeling down and inspecting the wound.

“Sunoo, you go lead the team up, then come back here after.”

Sunoo, looks around, then eventually nods. “Let’s go.”

He leads the team around, the rest of them following him in search of the first checkpoint. Meanwhile, you finally wince and groan meekly in pain. “Can you lift your pants up?”

You nod, lifting part of your calf and showing him the bloodied part. The thorn that you came across upon, was pointed and tall, making it easy to skim through the insides easily. Jungwon nears the wound, touching it ever so slightly. You wince, “That hurts.”

“Sorry,” He says without looking up, grabbing something from his pocket. “I didn’t think an accident would happen here, I forgot my first aid down the cabins…” He mumbles, patting your wound with his handkerchief very delicately.

You protest, “Don’t use your handkerchief.”

He looks at you, “Why?”

“It’ll get dirty and bloodied, I don’t want that.” You mumble, Jungwon merely smiles, “It’s fine.”

“But—”

“I have plenty more, besides, we need to somehow clean up the bleeding.”

Nodding, you argue no further and let him clean up the wound. It wasn’t such a big mark, but it was enough to have Jungwon off the edge and tainted with worry. “You seriously have to be more careful…”

He says, taking something from his pocket once more. A small ointment for wounds. “I thought you didn’t carry your first aid kit?”

“I got a little restless and brought a little something from the first aid kit.”

You chuckle. Always so meticulous and prepared. “I see…” Jungwon folded a piece of his handkerchief, using the other side to dab some of the ointment on.

You suddelt felt something cold fall atop your head, continuous droplets of water cascading down. You reached your hand out— it was raining. What perfect timing. The light droplets soon began to turn into a heavy onset of rain. Jungwon looked up, “I also totally felt it would rain today but I completely disregarded bringing an umbrella.”

He sighs, you stand up slightly, thanking him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

With a nod, “It’ll heal itself.” You smile towards him. The rain wasn’t letting up anytime soon, soaking your bodies with water as it grew heavier each passing second. The fog and the bluriness suddenly came into light, and the spark that Jungwon once pointed out towards to be the checkpoint, was gone.

“Fuck.” He curses, “I didn’t think the rain would be this heavy.”

“We need to get under a roof or something first.” You hurriedly say, adrenaline rushing in as you took his hand and led him somewhere, “What about the others? They might be looking for us.”

“They have to manage, we might slip or something in this steep place if we don’t get ourselves under something.”

Jungwon eventually agrees, allowing you to take control of his hand and leading him somewhere. Albeit having the placed familiarized with at the back of his mind, he chose not to spoke, chose not to tell you that the others are probably not looking for the two of you and opting to find shelter instead.

He stays quiet and just lets you.

Soon enough, you see a small pile of boulders and rocks not too far off, forming a rather gigantic cave with nothing inside. Deeming it as safe, you entered and checked the surroundings. “Are there like, bears here or something?”

Jungwon laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, at least not that I know of.”

He shakes his hair around like a puppy drying itself, the water hitting your face as you chuckle and smack him, “Careful!”

He laughs along, raking a hand through his hair and sighing. The two of you were soaked beyond belief, your clothes sticking upon your bodies like candy. And well, from your peripheral vision, Jungwon’s shirt clung to his particularly molded abs.

You tried not to take a peek, you really did. You always knew Jungwon was a rather active person, but you never knew he was this active.

“What?”

“Oh? Um—” Your eyes stray upwards, only to find him tilting his head at you innocently. “It’s… Nothing.”

You had to stop thinking like a complete pervert.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? Your leg…”

“It hurts but hey, it happens.” You smile at him gently, squeezing the bottom of your shirt to drain some of the water out. Jungwon removes his flannel, putting it down and patting it, “You can sit down if you want.”

You thank him, sitting down and sharing a flannel with Jungwon as you patiently waited for the rain to let up. It had been a comfortable silence, one that was neither heavy nor awkward as the only ruckus the two of you heard was from the pattering rain outside.

Gently heaving a sigh, you hug your knees close to your chest, feeling apologetic. “I’m sorry, Jungwon.”

“Why’re you saying sorry again?”

“Our team got disrupted because of me and now got stuck in this place together because—”

“Hey, don’t say that.”

But you continue, “Because I was careless as hell and it’s—”

“Y/N.” Jungwon says sternly, gaze locking onto yours. His eyes held sincerety and firmness, “Stop saying that, accidents are bound to happen and it’s not a big deal.”

His words doesn’t let you up. A wave of comfort washed over you as pondered over what he said. It hasn’t sinked onto you yet, the subtle glances and hint he shared and offered.

“Thank you then.” You smile at him, Jungwon smiles back.

You hadn’t noticed an hour had passed, aimlessly chatting with him on topics that regarded school and anything casual, really. Jungwon is a nice guy, flowing along a conversation with him and sharing a good laugh wasn’t difficult. He understood too, listening earnestly at your little stories and concerns.

The rain had finally let up, you offer Jungwon to leave the cave and go find the others to which he agrees. He gets his flannel back, and the two of you leave the cave as the the sun rose back in its full glory.

You were laughing about something he said when— “Look, it’s a rainbow.”

You turn to look at the sky. Its colorful hues paunting a beautiful curve, the bright colors of a rainbow coming about. Smiling gently, you walked alongside Jungwon as you looked out the rainbow. “I swear, I thought your team wasn’t gonna make it to the next round.”

Pertaining to one of the sports club matches in taekwondo, you turn to look at Jungwon. It was a few months prior, with their competition being held at your academy and seeing the sparring in full play. Jungwon was one of the players, and that was the first time you ever saw him kick and discover a side out of student council.

Jungwon chuckles, a sheepish grin on his face. “I had like a huge bruise on my cheek after that spar, though. The opponent violated some rules.”

You nod, “I saw that too, good thing you didn’t let him get the best of you.”

Jungwon leads you through a forest of trees, after a few minutes of walking, you finally reached the cabin your school settled upon. The different colored teams were there, some had been soaked just as the two of you were, some held little flags, indicating they reached a particular checkpoint before turning back because of the rain.

Your appearance with Jungwon was no shocking thing, but you feel a presence inching closer towards you as you neared the rest of you group.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You turn to look at the voice, Riki was right in front of you, with eyes you’ve never seen him in before. Was he… concerned?

“What happened to you? Are you okay?”

His gaze fell upon your legs, the calf that had been riddled with ointment and once had blood dripping down. “Chum, let’s take you to the clinic, your wound—”

He kneels, reachinng towards your injury. But you stop him, “Riki, I’m fine, it’s no big wound, just a little scratch.”

“Just a little scratch? You weren’t answering your phone, did something happen?”

You remembered leaving your phone at the cabin, opting not to bring it with you as you might lose it. “I didn’t bring my phone with me…”

“Oh.”

Riki nods, standing up. Once more, you were reminded of just how much his figure towered upon you, and it made you feel a little small. Jungwon remained by your side, casually conversing with some of your group and ensuring the students. The student council worked on crowd control, deciding soon enough to halt the activity first and get the students to freshen up so no such accidents will occur.

Side by side, you walk with Riki on the way to the cabin in silence.

“Y/N!” Jungwon calls from behind you, “I can’t go back with you, is it okay if—”

“It’s okay Jungwon! Thank you for helping me this much, I’ll get myself cleaned up.”

He smiles, nodding along and proceeding to his own things to tend to. Meanwhile, Riki listened to your conversation, his interest piqued. ”Jungwon helped you?”

You nod, grinning. This doesn’t escape him, “We got stuck in some cave during the rain, if it wasn’t for him, I would’ve been badly hurt by now.”

Riki just hums, voice deep and low. The sun was finally beginning to set by now, and the students are heading towards their perspective cabins to freshen up. Thankfully and oddly enough, you shared a cabin with Riki.

“Are you alright now?”

He looks at you, you only nod.

“That’s good, there’s no need for concern then. Looks like already had you under his care.”

You sensed a bit of tension beneath his gaze, the way he let it fall to your sides, to your bruised ankle, and eventually to your face. Riki spoke bitterly, “I’m going.”

Leaving you lost and dumbfounded, Riki leaves and walks on over to his room with no so much as another word. It fazes you, disappointment panging your heart as his broad back faced your eyes.

What was wrong with him?

For the rest of the budding night, you tended to your wounds more carefully with the help of very worried Rei who scolded you on safety and watching your own step. The breeze was already chilly, you had freshened up for the remaining time, so had Rei after the two of you chatted aimlessly. Riki pierced the back of your mind, like a little monster encaged and desperate to be unleashed. He was acting like nothing, like thin air. Concern was evident in his tone, then suddenly it all dissipates and he suddenly doesn’t care?

Eventually, it was time to gather outside for a little bonfire and meal prepared by some of the staffs and teachers. With layers of clothing wrapped around your body, you headed out with Rei.

By the time the two of you are out, Jungwon was already making rounds of each class with the assistance of the teachers to make sure of the headcount of each class. For the night was still early, only announcements were made, the bonfire would begin around midnight when the sky’s hues are completely washed out.

You didn’t seem to take hold of Riki’s eyes though, eventually landing on Jungwon and him giving you a thumbs up. You put your thumbs up too, initiating a little smile.

For the rest of the evening, albeit trying, attempting, to capture Riki’s eyes with yours, nothing seemed to work. He was ignoring you, that much was obvious. The reason why, too. But you know you couldn’t jump to conclusions, knowing full well you had nothing well going on with Riki, much less— Jungwon.

It was a risk of an assumption you weren’t willing to take just yet. It is, of course, just an assumption after all.

10PM hits, and all students were once more called to start the bonfire. It had already been set, with logs circled around the piles of woods to be set on fire. You sat down on one of them, watching as a teacher lights the wood and other materials on fire. A small explosion, one that causes a few of your peers to jitter ever so slightly, but you just stare at the fire, absent-minded.

It didn’t blind your vision when its orange, yellow, and red colors are a lot more closer to your eyes. You just gaped at it like some sort of fish.

“What are you thinking of again?”

Rei asks, picking something from her bag; A little smores kit she’d packed for the two of you. You sighed, “Have you noticed? Riki’s been ignoring me.”

“He has,” Rei picks a stick up, stabbing a marshmallow. “I thought you were fine just a moment ago?”

Shrugging, you took a stick and made one yourself. “Yeah and all of a sudden he just started… Ignoring me.”

Rei picks up and pieces the situation together, from earlier this morning to the present. Then she said, “Oh my gosh.”

“What?”

Rei covers her mouth. shock beyond belief. “The two of you are so stupid.”

You feigned offence, “Okay, now you’re just being rude.”

“No, I mean did you ever notice?”

Rei waits for your statement. Even if you know, you share none and kept your mouth shut. “I know you know, so go talk to hin right now.” Rei knows, as usual.

The beating of your heart goes a little louder at her statement as you consider it, as you consider him.

And when Rei pokes her smores near the campfire as students do the same, she knows you’re no longer beside her in search for the man.

It doesn’t take a genius to wonder where Riki was. He wasn’t inside the cabin, neither was he out enjoying the camp fire. Which meant he probably roamed around a little somewhere, though not too far.

The light on some parts of the mountain was dim, but enough to provide you with sight as you willingly searched for him, a marshmallow and a stick still intact in your hand. What would you begin to even tell Riki? To stop being such an idiot and notice you again? To tell him that, no, whatever he was thinking of was wrong and you wouldn’t dare to think of him that way.

To tell him you absolutely adore the smitten looks on his face whenever—

Crack.

It happened all at once, something exploding and something like an explosion of one’s emotion—

“I like you, Riki.”

Then it showed up, the fireworks, obnioxiously coming into place like you were in some sort of cinematic film.

“I know we haven’t been on such good terms before, but we can continue where we left off and—”

And— nothing at all. Because the next moment, you were no longer eavesdropping. You were stumbling, choking back your tears as you stood on heavy ground with a heavy heart. Your footsteps felt like tumbling and stepping on tons of weight as it plodded through the thick grass and soil. You didn’t care that they’d possibly heard you.

There was nothing mistaking it. That was definitely Kazu Naomi. It was definitely her, Naomi’s soft, gentle, heart in her sleeve— confessing to Nishimura Riki. Nothing else mattered anymore, you weren’t going around to stick to whatever it is he had to say anymore. What else was there to see?

At the ripe age of fifteen, everyone deemed it to be the perfect little time to be loved and to love.

Blossoming through the ripe seasons of spring when everything began anew, for some odd reason, you never find yourself aching for that same desire at the age of fifteen.

Until you met him, of course.

It was just a short-lived moment, one that could pass as forever.

The gym was noisy with the dribbles of heavy ball and the scraping of the shoes. You were not inside, rather, outside of the gym chatting away with Rei and striding alone.

And just like any other typical highschool romance, his ball had to come in play.

Nearly hitting you, Rei once turned around to scream go to hell to whoever threw it. Out came Nishimura Riki, a fellow schoolmate. He was the same level, same grade, and year as you.

His apology barely scraped as a whisper, a short, “Sorry.” Before heading back in with the ball in his hand.

Such a petty though, he was cute.

Though during the course of a strange destined interactions, you find him to be quite the opposite. He wasn’t avoiding saying sorry, simply just thinking the barely audible sorry would be enough. That was his trait, his feature which made him had this mysterious aura around him.

Nishimura Riki was no stranger to attention. He always did well in his sports, had the face to pass as a model, and the unique, mischevious vibe around him which made people adore and become curious of his nature. He shared what was necessary, choosing to respond with, “Cool, mmhm, yeah, s’good.” every single time, in situations where he had to agree.

It bundled all together, the bitterness for refusing to be in love at such a young age, and budding into something of a hopeless romantic.

And really, that was where it all began.

You were thinking now, though, that this right here might be the moment where everything actually ends. It felt way worse than when Riki left without a word and explanation, it felt way worse because the situation in the end made you realise that every twist and turn would progress to absolutey nowhere because Nishimura Riki is already here.

Right now, though, the two of you are blatantly ignoring each other.

It all started all the way home upon witnessing their scene, from then on, everything dismaying thing soon followed. You ignored him, he ignored you. As petty as it sounds, that was how the situation came to be. Your tutor sessions? Bullshit. He doesn’t come anymore, you don’t ask about it, either.

Everything was back to where it used to be, where Riki used to be out of the picture.

One moment, as you were doing your daily tasks in your club room and reading some love letters from the box, a certain bright red envelope piqued your interest. It had that certain allure and brightness that made it stand out amongst other letters, it was scented too.

Curious, you open the envelope and read it.

“A situational problem goes like this—”

What an interesting way to begin a love letter.

“Being interested in someone, but you have not yet pursued the idea of a serious relationship. Then all of a sudden, everything bursts and you go jealous over another and ignore them becauss of your petty emotions. What do you do?”

That was the end of the letter. No confession, no emotions pouring out. Just… A problem waiting to be solved.

“Well, this was a pretty short letter,” You say into the speaker as you analyze the content, “Hmm. Let’s say you were ignoring that person because of jealousy, does a person know you are jealous in the first place?”

You continue, “The first thing I thought of is to immediately make sure there is no misunderstanding involved in any sort of situation possible. So, you can ask them if there’s a problem, and if there is, you explain as best as you can. Jealousy is inevitable and ensuring that maybe your future partner does not overthink, then you explain regardless of your status in the relationship. We don’t want to break the trust now, do we?”

You ended the problem with a bit more solutions, stating some unlabeled personal problems of your own. And after reading a few more letters, you finally got ready to pack up and leave for class.

“Would you get mad at me if I said I was jealous?”

Fucking— Wha—

“Oh my gosh! You scared me!”

It hadn’t occur to you that somehow, Riki sneaked his way inside the room. He was standing in plain sight, in front of you. Uniform unbuttoned, hair disheveled and wet as if he’d just gotten out of a game. His breath shook a bit, but his presence toward you remained unnerved.

He repeats his question, “Would you get mad at me if I said I was jealous?”

“Riki what’s this all about, I need to go to class—hey!” You attempt to bypass him, but he holds your wrist before you had the chance to do so, his figure leaning downward and you visibly panicked.

He was eye to eye now, holding both your wrists with one hand as he waited for your answer. God, the distance was insufferable, it wasn’t too close but it was close enough to have his breath fanning over your face. Not to mention, his glossed eyes which awaited for an answer.

“Let go of me, I need to get to class.” You protest.

“So? We’ll both be late together.”

You gasped and attempted to smack him with your constrained wrist, his laughter bubbling and reaching your ears like melody. “You’re not answering my question.”

“Ah…”

You think about it for a moment, piecing the puzzle piece by piece. Was he the one who wrote the letter?

“Are you… jealous though?”

“I am. I really am.”

What?

“Was that your letter?”

Riki deadpans, then laughs, shaking his head. “My letter? No, I wouldn’t do something like that it’s—”

He sighs, “It’s stupid. Yes it was mine.”

“Huh?!”

Slowly, Riki comes closer. Closer, closer, closer, until his head rests atop your shoulders and his nose nuzzled upon your neck. The action made shivers run down your spine, a gesture that was too close for comfort and had your fingers hesitating and your body on edge.

Riki gently places your hands down, taking one in each of his hand and caressing it gently as the sweet scent of your neck comes rushing down upon him.

“God, you drive me crazy, you know that?”

“How…”

“I haven’t stopped liking you since I disappeared, I just couldn’t forget you and—”

He sighs, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“Riki what do you mean…?”

“I get jealous so easily it’s driving me insane.”

Something about his words knocked something within you, his fingers deattached from your wrist down to your waist where he hesitantly wrapped his arms around, only to pull back. “It’s okay.”

You reassure him, he places his grip back on your waist, yet leaving a safe distance. “Do you like Jungwon?”

What?!

“What do you mean? What does Jungwon have to do with this…”

“Do you like him?”

You answer immediately, “Romantically? No. He’s Just a friend, Riki.”

You feel Riki’s constrained breath sigh ever so carefully, as if that weight was upon his shoulders for a little while now, as if he’d been thinking of asking that for years, just waiting for the perfecr opportunity.

“Then it’s okay if I’m doing this, right?”

Riki tightens his group around your waist, pulling you dangerously closer. Riki’s scent engulfed your nose, he was all you felt, all you smelled.

“That I’m holding you like this…”

His fingers then came upon your cheeks, caressing it, “Touching you like this…”

He pulls his head back, looking into your eyes with a glossed gaze, “Looking at you like this…”

“Keeping you close like this?”

He rubs the small of your back with his thumb, the way he moves make everything so electric. You know it was second nature to him to speak this way, to act this way. It wasn’t anything new, but it still sent shivers down your spine.

“I don’t know Riki… What are you doing..?”

Riki finally lets go, you fought the urge to frown at the loss of his touch. He stuffs his hands into his pants pockets, “That time at the trip, I saw the way Jungwon looks at you, the way he cares for you, chum.”

His nickname for you was finally back. You internally squealed, you might have pounced upon him if not for your self control. “And it’s stupid but it made me terribly upset.”

You half expected this much, but to hear him actually say it outloud was different. Nishimura Riki was no vocal man, and if this was all it took to get him to act, honestly, it made you a little bit pleased.

Scratch that, it made you very pleased.

“It did?”

Riki nods, “It really did.”

And when his fingers held loose from his pockets, shifting from his head to your cheeks, Riki squeezed your cheeks the the point where it hurt and you had to slap his hand away to stop.

“I guess I’ll see you later at the library again?”

Three months since school started, and no one else has been the apple of your eye.

It was an endless little routine that garnered— You tutored Riki at the library every other day now, given that he had to prioritize his game at basketball and training too.

Something changed between the two of you, though.

It was subtle, unnoticeable by those who rarely observed. Yet people saw it, the way Riki pats your head whenever you pass by him in the hallway, the way he would so very obviously sneak out during lunch time to have shared moments with you at the radio club room whenever you were there, the way he would call you chum in front of a large crowd.

It was going slow, maybe too slow for the likes of others. But Riki never strayed too far in terms of actions, keeping his boundaries present and built up. Still thinking of you, always thinking of you. In words though, his flirting was way too evident.

And when it came to messaging? You couldn’t let go of your phone. Besides class, whenever you had the time, the two of you would message one another and send random memes and bring up random topics to talk about. He called once, when he needed help with a problem and that ended up in a call that lasted for hours. Though there was no more incident following that.

This, perhaps however may be one of the moments where the unlabeled something between the two of you where it will be obvious.

You think, as you sit atop your bed and message the person who’s been occupying your mind:

Riki: chum what time are you coming to my game?

You: I’m all ready, maybe once the game starts? So it’s not too noticeable.

Riki: silly its about to start in a few minutes

You jumped from your bed, quickly putting on your shoes.

Riki: and also, melon or pineapple?

You: What’s this about? Definitely melon.

Riki’s icon pops up at your screen, a picture of him when he was a cute little child. Surprised, you click to answer his call.

“Yes?”

You hear shuffling, Riki’s screen was black, then it shifted and his face was now showing. He was wearing his jersey, the muscles of his arms peeked just a little as he held the phone up to his face. “Hi Chum.”

“Hey, don’t you have a game in a few? I’m on the way out now.” You held your phone to your face as well as you exit your house. “I just missed you, is all.”

His words made you shift your phone from your face to some random pavement. Riki chuckles, “Where are you chum? I’m just kidding.”

“You have to stop saying jokes like that…” You mumble as you refocus the phone back to your face, “Why? Cause it gets you, no?”

“Riki! Stop it!” You want to slap him so bad right now.

“Okay, okay I’ll stop!” Riki snorts, someone shouting could be heard from behind him, Riki responds before turning back to you, “I’m just making sure you’re coming to my game pretty girl.”

Pretty girl, chum— god, you’ll explode if he calls you that one more time. When Riki starts using something, he never lets go of it. Which in this case, was his too strong of a nickname for you.

“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s your game, of course I would.”

You see him pause for a moment before he grins, “I’ll see you here then, yeah?”

You nod, “I’ll see you.”

“I have to go chum! I’ll wait for you here.”

You bid goodbye to him. Riki thought he pressed the end call, putting his phone down on his bag. Confused, you peek a little closer at the screen only to hear someone speak from the other end.

“Who was that?”

“Just my pretty girl, she’s coming to my game.”

Oh and fuck, you never ended the call so quickly in your life.

“Y/N! Wow I never imagined to see you at a basketball game.”

It was pretty noisy, the large bustling and hustling of the crowd. The game had already started, you were a little late. Rei isn’t one to be interested in such crowds, but for the sake of you, she went and tagged along.

Someone’s voice chimed from behind, it was Jungwon, along with Sunoo, Sunghoon, Naomi, and Jongseong. You smiled sheepishly, greeting them. “It’s my first time actually!”

“You’ve never watched a match of Decelis Academy basketball team before?” Sunoo asks, plopping a popcorn down his mouth as all of you settle on some bleachers not too far away. “No, it’s not really much of an interest of mine.”

Jongseong spoke, “What made you want to watch it then?”

“Oh, it’s—” You hesitated to say it outloud. Riki? Should you tell them it was Riki?

“Chum, I’m glad you made it.”

All of you turn to look around the owner of his voice, it was Nishimura Riki. Was it even possible to say that he looked more delicious up close? Someone of his nature, looking all sweaty from all the warm ups, his cheeks flushed a bit of red, his jersey labeled number ten. And gosh, his biceps— his biceps!

“Riki!” Naomi beams, something within you tingles in alert. They all greet him, Sunghoon, Jungwon, Sunoo, and Jay bumping their bodies with Riki as a friendly bro thing.

The whole entire thing with Naomi confessing months before, you only treated as some sort of fever dream for the sake of your sanity. It happened, but you pretended it hadn’t. You’ve not been feeling much of her for the past two months around Riki, it was better that way.

Every moment she does though, it’s like your system is on high alert.

Riki gives a little acknowledgment to Rei and Naomi, but his focus and eyes remained at you as he neared with an exciting grin. “Hi.” He says once he was face to face and once again, towering over you.

“Hi, I thought you were starting already?” Came your breathless response,

“I just wanted you to come a little faster.” Riki grins at his cheekiness. “Here,” He was already holding something as he got to the bleachers, he hands it to you. It was two pieces of melon bread, along with some milk you always got at the vending machine and a small, singular rose that was crocheted and wrapped ever so beautifully.

You beamed, feeling flustered all of a suden at the eyes of your friends which kept its attention on you and Riki. You were speechless, simply taking the items from his hands.

Riki had always been really sweet over his actions whenever the two of you alone, but to to be this bold was much of a surprise. “T-thanks…”

To your surprise, Sunghoon squeals a little, “Damn! You’re actually like, not afraid anymore.”

Riki gives him a glare, Jongseong chuckles, “Tough kid all grown up.” He ruffles Riki’s hair. Over the course of a few weeks, these boys have come to grown closer and more intact with their friendship. Prior to Riki leaving, he wasn’t really intent on making much friends.

“He’s actually trying to be a gentleman now.” Rei teases.

Riki grumbles, rolling his eyes at how they treat him like a kid. Jungwon simply just smiles and agrees to the context of whatever the text was. He never responds when something like this happens, he never teases nor does he join in either. Likewise with Naomi, content with short laughs and smiles.

“Ugh, whatever. I have to go, see you guys after my game?” Riki bids farewell, he then pats your head. “See ya, chum.”

And he smiles, leaving once more to go to the field where his teammates were all preparing for the game.

“You know…” Naomi suddenly starts, her tone unusually quite just for you to hear. She looks at you, a glossy tint on her eyes. She looked like she was about to cry. “That time at the field trip, I think you know what happened—”

You quickly cut her off, “Oh, no, no. I happened to stumble upon it but I didn’t eavesdrop into the conversation, don’t worry.”

“I know, I think it’s right if tell you anyways.”

You furrow your brows, why now of all times? Besides, you’d already let that part go and choose not to dwell on something so insignificant any longer.

“That time I confessed to him at the trip,” Naomi’s voice got impossibly smaller, she fumbles with her shirt. “I told him I really liked him. You know what he told me?”

From your peripheral vision, you see a sliver of Jungwon listening in cautiously.

“What?”

She looks at you and chuckles, “That he doesn’t see something happening between us and he was just focused on getting your heart back.”

You no longer had time to response as a loud whistle and horn erupted from the crowd signalling the game was about to begin.

“Decelis Academy vs The Tigers!”

The athletes of Decelis Academy enters, it wasn’t a home court for either athletes, but the cheers for Decelis Academy was loud and booming. Some even held their banners of the team proudly. From the corner of your eye and ear someone screams— Nishimura Riki go! So delicious and so good!

Weird ass much?

You opted to ignore some of the cheers, keeping your eye on one number and one number only— ten.

If Naomi’s words held some truth in them, Nishimura Riki definitely succeeded in getting your heart back and this time, you’ll definitely let him know.

The game eventually started with Decelis Academy claiming the ball and bouncing it to their side of the court. One of the students— 01. Lee Heeseung was it? He passes the ball to another you don’t know who student, but being barricaded by two students from the oposing team. The student eventually passes the ball to Riki knowing he was trapped, Riki catches the ball with ease and shoots a three point.

All of you screamed and shouted, jumping around so excitedly for the point. It’s not like it was his first point ever, but something about seeing it so close up for the first time— Riki playing and all, ignited something within you. You grinned, finding yourself too giddy whenever he scored a point, and pouting whenever he got knocked over and blocked by the opposing team.

It wasn’t even a matter of you supporting the team anymore.

“Unfair much?” Rei teases, observing your very tense posture as you wait for Riki to catch another three pointer. Riki shoots it with such a precision, his hand must have a ruler or something like that.

“Whoooo!!!” You screamed and jumped and jumped, your excitement being the center of attention to your group of friends. You see Riki looking around a bit, eventually catching your eye. He runs to the opposite side of the court in a silly way, giving you a little grin.

Sunoo smiles, “I think you’ll be coming to more basketball games more often.” He attempts to scream through the noise, Sunghoon chuckles. “She’s definitely got the spirit.”

The match eventually ends with Decelis Academy leading a few points more than those tigers, and when it was time to gather up, all of you collectively agreed to congratulate Riki and Heeseung (he was apparently a friend of Jungwon.)

“Congratulations!” All of you beam at the same time, Heeseung and Riki were drained in sweat, barely even having the time to muster before the boys came in and engulfed them in a warm hug. Through protests and groans, the two eventually gave in to the embrace. The three of you just stand back, chatting along some other topics as you waited for them to finish their conversation.

Falling into a conversation with Naomi wasn’t hard, you’ve always been friendly and close with her even before. But maybe, the views have changed a little bit.

After few topics and sharing laughs with the group, the two eventually had to part and go their separate ways. Jungwon, Jongseong, Sunoo, and Sunghoon bid their farewells, you had a very positive feeling this wouldn’t be the last time you’ll see nor technically hang out with them.

Naomi too, had to go and leave. Eventually, it was just you and Riki left as Rei had went to the bathroom for a little while. Riki insisted on walking you over to the bus stop while his team got ready on their own bus. So, it was just you beside him, shoulder to shoulder.

The silence was deafening, Riki wasn’t really speaking much at all. “I hope Rei comes soon, the bus might come over any moment.” You try and fill in the void.

Riki simply nods. The unnerving quiteness lasts for a few seconds before he says, “Hey um, chum— would you mind if we go out a bit later at night?”

You paused in your tracks, “Go out? Where?”

“I kind of want to—” Riki scratches the back of his head sheepishly, “treat you to a little something as a thank you for watching my match.”

“As a thank you? It’s okay, you don’t—”

“What I’m trying to say here is I’m asking you out tonight if that’s okay.” Riki finally goes straight to the point, twisting his body so now, he faced you. Suddenly, you feel your heart pumping louder and louder, stumbling out, “You’re— um— what? Asking me out?”

Riki nods. “If that’s okay chum? I mean it’s fine if—”

“No! No, I would love to. Where do you want to go?”

“There’s a cute coffee shop around your neighborhood nearby, let’s go there?”

“S-sure, what time do you want to go?”

“Is six pm okay?” You nod, looking into his eyes shyly. Riki smiles, you see the way his face lights up as his fingers squeezed your cheeks, “Great. I’ll come pick you up?”

“Okay.”

”Okay.” He pats your head, “See you later pretty girl?”

“Mmh. See you later.”

Riki eventually leaves once Rei comes back, she sees your flustered face, “I’m hoping he hasn’t kissed you out here in broad daylight.”

You smacked her arm, hiding away your tomato cheeks, “Stop! It wasn’t he just— asked me out.”

“Finally!” Rei beams surprisingly, the bus arrives shortly after and you continue your conversation as you go inside. There’s one thing you’ve been curious of with Rei ever since this whole thing happened.

“Rei can I ask you something?”

She hums, “You know Riki is a bit more of a trouble maker and all that. You find him rowdy right?” She nods at your statement, “I find it that you don’t harbor any certain ill feelings towards Riki, why’s that?”

Rei deadpans, looking at you with her face flat. “Are you kidding me?” She asks, as if the question was too ridiculous to even answer. “I have hundreds of ill feelings towards that boy! Look at how he ghosted you all of a sudden, and how he doesn’t care about his grades and how—”

You immediately cut her off, “I’m sorry! Nevermind! The question was too ridiculous to ask.”

If you’d pressed on further and maybe attempted to defend Riki, in the end, it would end up with Rei being on the winning end. Rei was naggy, but she was right most of the time. Rei sighs, leaning back into the bus chair.

“I talked to him one time after your entire argument and ignoring each other stage.” She says, pertaining to where you and Riki had blatantly ignored each other after the field trip.

You gasped, “You what?”

“I talked to him.” She repeats, matter-of-factly.

“Why?”

“You guys were dragging it more than it needed to be, I tried and talk to you but you wouldn’t budge. So naturally, Riki wouldn’t budge either.” You stay silent, Rei continues, “You looked so miserable you know? And every time I see Riki pass by, he always had this frown on his face and I could more or less guess why.”

“So I talked to him about it, and I told him what he really thinks of you.”

You hesitated before asking, “…. What does he really think of me?”

“He said he doesn’t want to lash out his jealousy on you so he chooses to stay silent for a little while during the trip. Then, you started completely ignoring him on the way home. Which is, the two of you are completely stupid, I can see that from this standpoint.” Rei rolls her eyes, “But— Riki had always really been the nonchalant person, so to see him say something like that was new for me too.”

“Riki said he didn’t know what to do because he doesn’t want to lose you but he doesn’t want to feel like controlling you either knowing how much he’d hurt you in the past. So, I gave him a little push to give you that letter in the Love Box. I never imagined he would actually do it, but the way he did it was really childish and not even secretive in any way.”

You chuckle, remembering the moments a few months back. It was, indeed childish, very Riki. “I guess that’s part of his charms, though. Very straightforward and monotonous. Regardless, that time when I talked to him, it didn’t seem like he was lying with his intentions with you so I’ll give him the free pass— for now.”

The last part felt more like a threat than comfort on your end, but your heart swooned anyways, placing the pieces of puzzle together inside your head. One piece, being from Rei’s personality of keeping you safe and well attended to in any matter, the other, finally clearing up the misunderstanding that had jumbled and racked your mind. And finally, the last piece being Nishimura Riki.

You had a clear vision of what you want to say to him now, what to tell him.

It was stupid, as Rei would always tell you. Regardless of it being stupid, dumb, chaotic or what not, one thing remained certain in a sea full of doubts— you like Riki and he likes you back.

Your parents would always tell you to absolutely, no matter what, one hundred percent— not have a boy over at home whenever no one was around.

But the sudden disappearance of your parents, only leaving you with a sudden chat of, ‘your grandma is sick, we’ll come back tomorrow!’ tells you it wasn’t really your fault.

Well, it partly is.

And it was partly Riki’s too.

You were just nervous, is all. Plus, Riki wasn’t even going to your house, he was just there to literally pick you up. What was there to worry about?

Everything.

It was currently 5:50 PM, ten minutes before Riki arrives. It felt like your skirt was a bit too tight around your waist (it was not), your necklace felt like it was choking you to death (it was just you), your top felt like it was too… little? You were just anxious at this point.

Your cat comes around, perhaps sensing your distressed state. She rubs her face around your leg, an action you find absolutely adorable as worried dissipated momentarily.

Then, you feel your phone ping, you quickly opened to see and check the message.

Riki: pretty girl are you all ready?

You: Yes!

Riki: oki im almost near ur house

You: Okay, I’m not sure if I dressed up enough…

Riki: you’re pretty either way, doesn’t matter

You: Girl.

Gosh, you’d punch Riki in the gut if you had the chance. The way he states something so easily like that is what surprises you every time, now you were even more conscious with your attire! What you wore wasn’t even bad, a cargo skirt paired with a similar jacket and a tube top. Your shoes were just loafers, comfortable enough for the walking.

Maybe you were just overstimulated considering this was technically the first date.

Ding.

Speaking of the first date, you hear the doorbell chime in and you hurriedly came down from your bedroom, nearly tumbling upon your own two feet as you did so. You opened the door, you honestly wish you hadn’t and just kept it closed.

“Hi chum.”

Riki’s dressed in all black. He wore tattered denim pants and white shoes, it was paired with a graphic tee and denim jacket. His hair was tousled slightly, indicating it had been a bit styled, lips parted to greet you in a gentle manner. It seemed he was into accessories too, with the way it adorned his neck and waist, dangling about.

You definitely should have kept the door closed.

“Hi.” Came your breathless response.

Though, the better response would be— how in the world did you go from dressing like an emoji to a literal fashion icon?

Weird, something’s beating and it’s definetely your heart.

“Ready to go?” Riki asks, you nod and exit your house. “Oh, I haven’t introduced myself to your parents yet.”

You shrug, “They’re not really around today, they’re at my grandmas… Maybe tomorrow?” You turn and lock the door. With the way you had suggested it, it seemed like you were suggesting him to come back tomorrow and visit you. Regardless, Riki does not bring it up and only smirks in response.

“I’ll greet them tomorrow, then. And see? I was right, you look pretty whatever you wear.”

“Can I punch you.”

Riki chuckles. “I’m not teasing you.”

The sun had already began to set as you walk side by side with Riki, there was a deafening silence in the air following his flirty responses, similar to when he walked with you at the bus stop a couple hours prior. It was killing you, what was he thinking of?

“So… Where’s the coffee shop you wanted us to try?” You couldn’t bear the stillness any longer. Riki only grins, patting your head. “Just a few minutes walk away, do you trust me?”

You nod slowly, but there was mischief in his eye. Riki smiles, unconsciously or perhaps willingly— he took your fingers within his grasp and started walking a little faster.

Warm. That was what his hand felt like. Slightly calloused from all the basketball he’s been playing, but it was gentle and calm with the way he held your hand. Perhaps willingly once more, he intertwined your fingers with his and walked along as if it was nothing. His back was facing you, and once again, you couldn’t see what he his expression was.

Yet, the subtle twitch of his touch proved a little something, and the redness of the tip of his ears was more than enough to let you know Riki was nervous.

You didn’t let go of his hand, albeit it feeling like your whole body was about to explode. Often times, it felt like you were outright tiptoeing with Riki, reaching the verge of acting like a couple yet you were not. It was risky and dangerous, something you hoped would end by the end of the night.

You hoped he felt the same too.

After a few minutes of walking, the two of you eventually reach a lit up cafe. Riki enters, you follow suite, given he did not let go of his grasp on you. The outside felt a little small, but the inside was definitely different.

It was a grassy little field, with an abundance of trees surrounding the counter where you are made to order. What makes it different is the fact that the trees were large and sturdy, each tree having two to three treehouses built upon them. The inside of the treehouse looked spacious too, lit up with some LED lights on the inside.

The entire placed looked like a fairy garden, in all honesty.

Something that came out of a fairytale, like a place for little elves for there were so many trees. Some trees had lights hanging upon their leaves, a few seats were seated at the shade of those trees too. Quiet a few people occupied the seats, and it made you wonder how he came to know of this place.

“I didn’t know something like this existed near our neighborhood?!” You gaped like a little kid buying a doll for the first time, Riki chukles at your reaction. “You never go out save for when there’s school.”

Pouting, you nod along. Riki wasn’t lying, outsides perhaps just wasn’t really your thing.

“It’s— it’s beautiful, wow!”

You were too busy admiring to notice that you were right in fromt of the counter, a nice lady who had piercings, colored hair, and similar clothes to Riki took your order. There were quite a few baristas, each one having a different style than the next as if their avatars were that customizable. Probably college students who took arts and design.

“What do you want to get pretty girl?” Riki urges you as she smiles as the staff who swoon over his face. You ignore it, shrugging, “Anything is fine for me.”

“Hmm, is a latte fine?” Riki suggest, you agree and he orders ahead. Completely ignoring what he was even ordering, you kind of just admired such ethereal place that existed right before your eyes. You definitely had to come to this place more often, and you had to come out for more in general, really.

Once Riki finished his order, he asked if there was a treehouse available. The staff nodded, pointing to quite a few. He thanks the staff and held your hand once more to guide you to one of them. “This is so magical, Riki, wow! It’s—”

“Pretty isn’t it?” Riki looks at you with a smug grin, as if he’d plan the mos top notch date of your life. And he has, he probably will continue to do so. “I can’t believe I don’t even know this was just around our neighborhood.

“I like to explore places, I happen to have found this place while—” Riki stops middway, “Nevermind.”

While he contemplated visiting you on the way home from one of his games.

“What is it?” You urge him, “It’s nothing.” He says back. You choose not to pry, eventually reaching one of the treehouses and entering it. The space was lole any childhood dream, tapestries of random posters, board games, a mini record player, a small table and color mats decorated the treehouse. It was bright too, with the way the LED lights hang dimly. You sat on the mat, crossing your legs. Riki, somehow manages to do the same given his height. He was cramped though.

“You’re too tall.” You giggle.

“Yeah?” He just chuckles, trying to fit is oddly long legs. Riki sits beside you, rather than across you, a gesture you appreciated a little more than you’d like. “Wanna play some card games?” He offers, you agree with excitement and watch as he pulls out an uno.

“Uno? I’ll have you know, I’m pretty good at that game.” You boast.

“Really? So am I.”

Riki’s competitiveness allowed him to win a single match, you challenged him for another because you know he’ll tease you relentlessly and put his victory over your head for a while. You were on the verge to winning, when the food came in and Riki used the excuse of— needing to eat— because he was hungry.

You grumble. “That’s so unfair.” Riki pokes your cheek, laughing at he put a piece of fry in his mouth. “I won! Ha!”

But all disappointment faded away when he feeds you a piece of fry. Riki ordered quite a bunch, a couple of meals and sides as well as your drinks. “Riki, I’ll pay half of the food. How much—”

“Wow this chicken is delicious, try it.” He feeds you a piece of the chicken, you hesitantly chew on it.

“How much do I—”

“Ooh! My latte is pretty good too, want a sip?” Riki quickly places the straw to your mouth, waiting for you to sip but you don’t. It was clear what he’s trying to do here. “I swear, Nishimura Riki—”

“Are these cheese on the fries? They’re so cheesy! Geez, have another one.”

You didn’t even have time to speak when he was already plopping the fry on your mouth and you had no other choice but to chew on it. “I seriously can’t believe you.”

At this point, he was just being a dork. Riki snorts, taking your hand in his once again and kissing the back of it with ease. A gentleman, tempting, dork, that is.

Riki smiles, caressing your hand with his thumb as he shrugs. “It’s always on me, pretty girl.”

“But I can’t—”

“Just this once? Please?” Riki turns on that puppy eyes, a capability of his you never knew he could do. Adorable. With a sigh, you agree, “I’ll pay for it next time, okay?”

He grins, “There’s no guarantee in that, chum.”

For a few more hours, you spent your time, heart and stomach full from the stories and the food you and Riki shared.

“I’m stuffed, my gosh.” A little rub of your belly was all it took for Riki to chuckle. Chatting away mindlessly paired with food was not really such a good combo. “Me too, how was the food?”

“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” Riki tilts his head, you roll your eyes. “After I just ate my ass off here! But thank you, Riki.” You grin at him, thankful for him being ever so generous. This was, beytechnicality, your first date after all.

“I’m glad, pretty girl.” Is all Riki says before the two of you turn to leave the treehouse and the cafe all at once after parting with sad goodbyes. You’d have to come here more often, and with Riki as your accompanin for the next few times.

The sun had already been long gone the moment you left the cafe, with nothing but the street lights decorating the pavements. It was unfortunately, very cold. Cold enough to have your legs shivering and your thin cargo jacket aim uneffective. Riki noticed this, taking off his own thick jacket and wrapping it around your shoulders. It was twice your size.

“Oh, no, Riki it’s okay—”

“Keep it, chum.” Riki cuts you off, you simply nod to his statement, not refusing the warmth his jacket provided. Oh, and the scent of his perfume too. The two of you walk around aimlessly side by side, fingers and shoulders brushing past each other dangerously. No one spoke, until you broke the silence,

“Riki, I—”

“Y/N, I—”

“Ah, you go first.”

“Alright well um, thank you for today Riki. I really appreciated the treat, and—”

It seemed the universe worked in your favor, as the moment you spoke, the park you walked over to lit up with bright lights. It was cold, but the warmth of Riki’s shoulders provided shelter to your shivering body. You stood below a tree— a cherry blossom tree — where it’s pink hues fell with such certainty. A pile of the petals had collected below your feet, with the way the light shown, it honestly felt like you were the main character of a romance drama.

“For this, for everything, the past few months you’ve been treating me so well and kind.”

“It’s because I want to make up for the time I’ve lost.” This time, Riki faced you. He met your sincere face confessing to your heart’s content. “For the time I just disappeared without a trace, I want to make up for that, pretty girl.”

You chuckle, “You already have.”

It was but a subtle movement, Riki moves a tad bit closer. “But that’s besides the point. Thing is, I really— I like you Riki. It’s hard when my feelings are all jumbled and I’m still scared to fall in love, but I won’t deny the fact that I really like you.”

And he moves closer, “And?”

“And I know I may not be the most perfect person, I’m a bit of a mess at times and you—” Riki gently places his hand on your cheeks, shushing you. “Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true, people admire you a lot while I—”

“And I admire you a million times more than those people, Y/N.”

Riki sees you as a whole, the bigger picture to his puzzle pieces. Someone who, despite tumbling across the world’s inevitable problems, manages to stand her ground and keep her stance. Someone who never ran away from the things people throw at you, someone who despite being wronged for hundreds of times, you always find the forgiveness in the depths of your heart.

If not for that, Riki wouldn’t be standing here right now in front of you, with the same look of pure admiration in his eyes. If not for that, Riki wouldn’t even had the chance to get back on his own two feet to keep you close to him, to hold you.

“Really?”

“Really.”

You ease into his touch, Riki moves impossibly closer.

“Can I say something?”

“Yeah?”

“I like you too, pretty girl.”

Closer, closer, until— “Can I kiss you?”

But it was more of a statement than a question because the moment you finish mumbling a breathless yes, his lips were already on yours.

It came in so suddenly, one minute you can feel the fanning of his breath, the next, all you can feel was the plump lips of his pushing against yours. The kiss was shy, hesitant even. Riki held firm, pressing just a tad bit more as his fingers caressed your supple cheeks. It was like electricity with maximum voltage, his touch kept you intact and addicted. The way he held you like you were a fragile, porcelain doll made you feel like jelly in his touch. One of hands snaked around your waist, pulling you closer if that was even possible.

Your mind was in a daze, too lost on reciprocating his feather lips and too hung up on the fact that Riki was actually kissing you. Like silly little highschoolers, like silly little kids— he kissed you just like that.

It wasn’t heated, nor was it filled with desire. It was just— breath taking in a way that your lips molded together and was filled with nothing but love and unspoken emotions for the past few years. Sweet his lips were, firm were his hands upon you. When the two of you eventually ran out of breath, he parts his lip from yours ever so slightly and connects his forehead with yours.

You did not believe that just happened.

“Was that— was that okay?”

Riki asks, but with the way he was clutching you close made you get the feeling that it was more than just okay on his end. You nod shyly, cowering away. But Riki laughs, gripping your fingertips which attempted to cover your flushed cheeks,

“Pretty girl…”

He kisses your forehead, “Is it safe to assume I’ve won your heart again?”

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ END *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

Extras!

The start of April symbolized new beginnings, the end of March wraps every chapter up.

“For the last song recommendation, I’ll be playing fifteen by Taylor Swift.”

Fingers grasp the rough CD, perhaps the last one you’ll ever touch in such a place— your school for four years. It leaves a bittersweet feeling down your stomach, but you clutch the pain and let the music roll in.

You take a deep breath And you walk through the doors It's the morning of your very first day

“Today is the last day of the Seniors in Decelis Academy, and this day marks their graduation.”

You say hi to your friends you ain't seen in awhile Try and stay out of everybody's way

“As we seniors part way to head towards a brighter future, may all learnings imparted upon us be used in the near future.”

It's your freshman year And you're gonna be here for the next four years In this town

“For all students of this Academy, thank you for sticking by and supporting the Love Box, future officers will hold the name of this box and continue our practice.”

Hoping one of those senior boys Will wink at you and say "You know I haven't seen you around, before"

“And this is the President of the Radio Club, signing off.”

'Cause when you're fifteen And somebody tells you they love you You're gonna believe them

“May all your dreams and aspirations come true, students of Decelis Academy!”

You lower the volume of your mic down and let the music play. Fifteen when you first entered highschool, fifteen when you fell in love for the first time. You look around the Radio Club room, feeling pride and sadness swell in your stomach.

Then the bell rang. It was time to part and finally graduate.

“Let’s go chum?”

Someone knocks from the door.

It was time to graduate with him alongside you.

You turn to him, a somber expression on your face. Riki nears you, he holds his diploma tube in one hand. This was the first time you’ve seen him in prim and proper uniform, it suited him way more than his disheveled, improper look. He looked handsome, and you could tell he thought you were pretty too, with the way his eyes sparkled.

And when you're fifteen Feeling like there's nothing to figure out

“You done with the announcements?” He asks, gently moving a stray of hair away from your face. “I’ll miss this place.”

“I know you will, chum.” He grins, fishing something out from his pocket. It was a brown paper, perhaps coffee-coated to achieve the vintage look. Its edges were also burnt, “What’s this?”

Riki urges you to read it, you open the paper.

It read:

“I’m not good with letters, I’m not good with words, so excuse this silly excuse of a letter. But this is for you, chum. The person I admire most since I was fifteen, the person I’m glad I got to meet. As we enter a new path together, we don’t really know what will come ahead of us and what challenges we have to face. But I know one thing— that we’re certain. I’m not scared, I’m excited even. I’m excited to be going through life with you, I’m excited to be with you. And I’m glad I got to spend my highschool life together with you despite it not going in such a smooth way.

I love you, pretty girl. Always.”

Tears stained the brown-colored paper, all you felt was the prickling of your eyes. You were crying.

You read the paper over and over and over. Riki was looking someplace else, embarassed to have you reading the letter outloud despite having suggested to do so. But upon hearing your sniffles, a worried response immediately came from him.

“Are you okay? Hey—” His fingers brushed away the tears from your eyes, “Is my handwriting or grammar that bad?”

You shook your head, “It’s beautiful Riki, it’s—”

Something washes over you and you immediately held him tight in your embrace. Riki was surprised, but he hugs you regardless, patting your head and tightening his hold around your shoulder. You sniffled in his arms.

“Don’t cry, I thought I did something wrong, hey—” He pulls your shoulder back, “You’re crying even more!”

“I can’t help it I—” You wipe your tears, “I love receiving things like this.”

Riki sighs in adoration, nearing your head and wiping away the tears that adorned your face. If he knew you loved receiving such things, he would’ve done so long ago. He didn’t want to see you crying, especially if he was the reason despite it being for such a good cause.

“Pinky promise me something, chum.” His hands continue to cascade away your tears, cooing at your adorableness.

“Yeah?”

He holds his pinky finger out, “That you’ll spend your forever with me no matter the season. I won’t leave you again, not this time.”

You laugh, “Is that even a question that needs asking?” Intertwining your pinky finger with his and enclosing the promise— together and forever. No matter the season, even if the cherry blossoms no longer fall, even when winter feels too cold and summer feels too hot.

Riki smiles ever so gently— kissing you cheekily.

The mic of control system buffers, and something rings.

It was an indicator that the mic had gone silent, just this very moment.

And then you hear it, the screams and cheers of the students around.

Well, count to ten Take it in This is life before you know who you're gonna be At fifteen.

[ayukas]

synopsis when lee haechan was fourteen, he thought he'd found forever in the fleeting moments of a summer spent with you. but forever isn’t promised, and he can't seem to let go.

genre angst, summer love au, coming of age word count 1.4k

notes ayukas stop writing for hyuck challenge FAILED... this has been in my drafts for a month loll lightly inspired by this tiktok! i really hope ull enjoy, let me know any and all of ur thoughts but pls remember to be kind!!! :') thanku for reading :D

HAECHAN REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.

the way the cicadas hummed in the july heat. the way your laughter would ring across the narrow streets of your hometown. the way your hand fit so naturally into his, as if it belonged there.

at fourteen, haechan felt limitless, as if happiness could be held in his hands forever.

but forever was never promised, and neither were you.

FOURTEEN

haechan met you on the first day of summer, in a town too small for secrets. he was the boy who never ran out of things to say, and you were the one who never got tired of listening.

"you're not from here, are you?" he asked that day, his eyes squinting against the sunlight, his honey skin glistening under the glow.

you shook your head. "just here for a while."

just here for a while. he had no idea those four words would permanently brand themselves onto his heart, a warning he should have heeded. but at fourteen, time seemed endless. summers stretched like golden highways, and saying goodbye was just a story older kids told.

you spent that summer together, consumed in the golden hours of childhood—stealing his older brother's popsicles from the fridge (sorry johnny), challenging each other to jump into the deep end of the river, and whispering about the future under a star-filled sky.

one evening, when the sun had set and the air smelled of dirt and fading warmth, you turned to him and said, "i think this is the happiest i've ever been."

haechan could only stare at you, sucking in a deep breath as a strange ache filled his chest. he didn't know why, but he wanted you to know that he felt the same—that every moment with you felt as if it should last forever.

but forever was always an unsteady promise.

the night before you left, the two of you sat by the river, your feet dipped into the water and the stars spread above you like spilled sugar.

"i'll write to you," you said.

he nodded, but he didn't believe it. he was reminded of the movies, where people always said things like that. they meant it in the moment, but moments didn't last forever.

the day you left, he ran after your dad's car, breathless and desperate, as if his pure determination could keep you from leaving. but wheels don't stop for fourteen year olds with broken hearts.

you waved at him through the window, but all haechan saw was the distance growing, stretching, and widening.

and just like that, you were gone.

FIFTEEN

the first letter arrived a week later.

it smelled like the pages of an old book, as if you'd spent hours hunched over it, your handwriting imprinted deep into the paper. you told him about your city, how it seemed too vast, too loud. you missed the cicadas, you wrote. you missed him.

he wrote back that night. told you about how nothing had changed here, except the fact that you were no longer here with him.

the letters continued, fluttering in and out of his hands. he read them at night, tracing the loops in your handwriting and imagining your voice in the ink.

but over time, the letters became fewer. shorter. until, eventually, they stopped altogether.

one night, he sat on his bed with one of your last letters pressed against his chest, trying to convince himself that perhaps you had just forgotten to write the next one. perhaps it was lost in the mail. you wouldn't just forget about him, would you?

but silence has a way of answering questions that no one dares to ask.

SIXTEEN

the bench where you used to sit was still there, but haechan never sat on it anymore. the convenience store where you spent too much money on slushies still sold your favourite flavour, but he never bought them anymore.

somewhere along the way, he realised he was keeping spaces open for you, in case you return.

but you never did.

he walked past the river one evening and noticed a couple laughing together, their fingers entwined and their faces glowing in the warm twilight. he quickly turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets, his chest tight with something he refused to name.

SEVENTEEN

haechan found himself talking to you, even though you weren't there.

"you'd love this song," he'd mumble, pulling his earphones off.

"you'd call me an idiot for doing this," he'd say, laughing to himself after stealing his brother's favourite leather jacket.

he wondered if, wherever you were, you ever talked to him too.

there were days when he thought he was moving on. and then there were days when he walked past his reflection and saw a fourteen year old boy staring back at him, waiting for someone who wouldn't return.

EIGHTEEN

haechan stopped looking for you in crowded places. stopped hoping that every unfamiliar face might be yours. but the ache in his chest just kept persisting.

it sunk deep into his bones, quiet and constant.

there was a girl who liked him. she laughed at all his jokes and reached for his hands when she thought he wasn't looking. he even let her kiss him once, under the soft glow of a streetlamp.

but when he closed his eyes, all he saw was you.

NINETEEN

haechan's brother often told him first loves never last. that they're just a spark, not a flame.

but what if he never let go of the match?

he didn't say it out loud, but the thought ran through his mind, endless and unrelenting.

on his birthday, he sat on his bed, staring at his phone with your facebook profile on it, half-expecting a message from you. he didn't know why he still hoped. perhaps, because he didn't know how to stop.

TWENTY

you return.

news spreads fast in a small town, but haechan doesn't believe it until he sees you standing there, right in front of him.

you look different, older. your hair is styled in a way he isn't used to. your voice had matured in ways it hadn't before. you're not the same fourteen year old who once held his hand so tightly.

but when you smile at him, even for just a moment, he forgets that you ever left him in the first place.

"hyuck..." you murmur, gasping, like you've seen a ghost. "it's been so long. i can't believe we haven't seen each other since we were fourteen..."

he blinks. his throat tightens. his heart stutters.

and then, almost inaudibly, he says,

"what do you mean? i've been stuck at fourteen."

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN A DREAM AND A MEMORY

haechan finds himself standing in a room that feels like a memory. his old bedroom, but not quite—there's something surreal about it, as though it exists somewhere between reality and a dream. the michael jackson posters on the wall, the messy desk, the slightly broken lamp that flickers every now and then—it's all there, the way it was when he was fourteen.

and sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs swinging idly, is a boy.

a boy with rounder cheeks, brighter eyes and an innocence haechan barely remembers having. a version of himself he hasn't seen in years.

"you're me," haechan says, his voice quiet, almost in disbelief as he stares at the younger boy.

the younger version of him grins, tilting his head slightly. "of course i am."

"why am i here?" haechan asks, his voice wavering slightly. it's not the question he wants to ask, but it's the only one that makes sense right now.

"you never left," his fourteen year old self replies calmly, studying him closely. "you don't want to."

haechan's chest tightens, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. the ache in his heart grows the longer he's in here, pressing against him from all directions. he wants to leave this place. he needs to leave. he needs to move on.

to move on as easily as you did, to forget everything and walk away without looking back. that's what haechan wishes he could do. but instead, he stands frozen in place, staring at his fourteen year old self, a sense of suffocation building in his chest.

and so, with a heaviness that fills the space between them, he finally cracks, his voice barely above a whisper, "help me."

"i've been stuck at fourteen. i don't know how to let go."

[apatheticsunday]

Dead Tired Stalker AU

AKA "Tim Drake is a little obsessive, possessive, and really, really likes his new boyfriend (Danny)" prompt idea!! No non-con, violence, or dead doves. Brief reference to human experimentation.

Inspired by this one post where Tim kept a methodical journal of Danny's resting pulse, body temperature, weaknesses, tracked him literally all the time, and Danny was like *heart-eyes* (I can't find the post now but please, I need it-)

I like the idea of Tim's idea of love being completely a bit skewed. He was neglected as a kid and craved attention, affection, being wanted; so, understandably, he assumes that's what other people want, too. He'd only had one boyfriend before. Kon was sarcastic, funny, and sweet, but even he couldn't handle Tim's... staring. The unblinking intensity in those eyes, the hundreds of pictures of himself on Tim's phone, somehow Tim knowing about Kon's conversations and experiences without having been there.

Needless to say, Tim and Kon's relationship ended with a harsh reiteration that most people need boundaries.

So, when Tim meets this very cute messy-haired boy at Gotham-U, he shoves down the instinctive urge to know everything. Mentally captures moments, memorizes them, instead of taking pictures. Shoves earbuds in to avoid listening in on Danny's conversations (oh, his name's Danny, which he overheard when the boy was speaking with the TA).

It's so hard not to obsess, though. Danny is... well, he's haunting. His crystalline eyes make Tim's heart stutter in his chest, chills rising along his arms; he swears there's this aura around Danny that's just utterly compelling. (Stop it, Tim, you'll scare him off.) But Tim can actually be a person sometimes, so he just asks, "Do you want to go out for coffee with me sometime?" And he's psyched when Danny says yes!! (He tries really, really hard not to memorize the fact that Danny likes hot oatmilk chai lattes, uses his left hand to hold his drink, and prefers not to use a coffee sleeve. Does Danny always hold his cups by the lid? Does he prefer- Tim stops himself.)

And Tim is a great boyfriend!! They go on dates (he doesn't avidly stare at the way Danny's eyes sparkle while at Gotham-U's planetarium). Tim learns Danny's favorite music the normal way (he doesn't hack into Danny's Spotify... although he's suddenly found himself listening to an artist named Ember). And Tim has a totally normal album of pictures of his boyfriend on his phone (his burner phone is a different matter entirely, but not even Batman himself could get it unlocked. Tim's got that phone sealed up tighter than the Fortress of Solitude).

Except Tim notices Danny becoming more withdrawn. More tired, dark bags under his eyes and stealing Tim's double espresso (he never does that, it's too bitter for him, why isn't he drinking his oatmilk latte?). Leaning his head on Tim's shoulder during lectures to take naps. And Tim's becoming more frantic the more lethargic Danny becomes.

Maybe he's more like Bruce "Contingency Plan" Wayne than he's willing to admit. Tim sets a hard boundary for himself: I'm just going to Google his symptoms. That's it.

He spends the next 42 hours obsessively researching Danny: hacks into his phone, downloads all his previous location history, texts, calls, background checks everybody Danny's been in contact with. Re-traces his steps down to the minute, finds all his Google searches, activates Danny's laptop webcam. He's determined to find out what's wrong with his boyfriend.

And because Tim is Red Robin, who literally became part of the Batfam because of his stalking tendencies and is one of the greatest detectives since Batman, he finds out. He finds out that Danny Fenton is one Phantom, a vigilante from Amity; finds obscure clips of newspapers mentioning a young boy's tragic death, discovers the GIW, uncovers classified information containing metahuman experimentation (let's say he doesn't quite know about Ghosts, but Metas are close enough).

Somehow, he makes a connection between ectoplasm and the Lazarus Pit (maybe not necessarily the right connection, but something-adjacent). After all, Jason was resurrected via "Evil Baja Blast" and Ra's al Ghul used it to make himself immortal. It would make sense that the GIW could sample Lazarus Pit water and use it to experiment on metahumans. So... Does Danny just need more Lazarus Pit water?

Cue Tim making use of the Drake and Wayne family wealth to literally overnight mason jars full of Lazarus water. Ra's al Ghul has no idea how it happened. He tests the reaction of Danny's DNA and the Lazarus water only to realize he was right. (Lazarus Pit waters are just excessively concentrated ambient ectoplasm, I guess?)

Tim does what any good boyfriend would do and spikes Danny's oatmilk lattes with Lazarus Pit water. And it helps. Danny is suddenly so much more energetic, there's that glittering shine to his eyes, and he looks so much healthier. Happier. Tim can't stop staring at him. If anything, he stares more, tries to memorize every angle of his boyfriend's face; he collects more candid pictures than before, always catching the gentle curl of Danny's lips when he's distracted; doesn't disengage the tracking apps or phone mirroring software.

He's just happy that his boyfriend is feeling better, more like himself. It's just a perk that Danny doesn't know about Tim's minor stalking tendencies.

(Danny absolutely knows.)

[zepskies]

Lol YESSS I know you love a bit of angsty heartbreak. 😜 Thank you so much, friend! Can't wait to see what you thought of the penultimate chapter. 💖

Oh, Micheal is just such a lovely, lovely person, isn't he? 😒 In the words of Taylor Swift: Michael doesn't measure up in any measure of a man...

oh God yeah, perfect quote for this pos, honestly. 😣

Hahaha omfg I loved Sam so much during this chapter! He was awesome!!! Go Lawyer!Sam 😎🤎 (And I have no idea if you intended for my mind to jump to Changing Channels and French Mistake Sam with these lines, but it did, so THANK you 🤣🫶)

LMAO I'm deaddd - Sam in Changing Channels is exactly the cadence of all his lawyering/"agreeing" with Michael to keep him talking. It's very "play your role" for sure! And French Mistake Sam is the icing on the cake. 🤣🤣🤣

I do understand his struggle after the war, but it's literally NO excuse to treat his wife like shit, cheat on her, lie to her, spend her money for his trashy sidepiece, and God knows what else. You don't want an anchor? Fine. Get divorced. The fact he keeps her around and won't let her find her own happiness after she literally saved his life is so mind-boggingly selfish smh The least he could to show his gratitude is not be a gigantic cuntface 🤬

First of all, LOVE that you dug up that Freddie gif. Leave it to you to find the perfect one there. 🤣🤣

And yes ALLLL of this! Louder for the people in the back!!!

That's exactly how I hoped readers would react to Michael's scene. Is he pitiable in a sense? Sure. Does he inspire sympathy? Maybe. But it doesn't excuse his selfishness, especially when you contrast him with Dean and his experiences vs. his actions.

Ugh, God, poor thing! 😭💔 With all the romanticism of that period sadly also comes the shame of taboo topics (not to mention feminism in general taking a backseat lol) Really feel for her here! Wish she wouldn't blame herself as much. Her husband is a dirtbag 😔

Ooof yep, that's something I hoped would come across as well. I wanted the reader to be strong but realistic to the time period in that sense. But it shows how her moral character differs from her husband. 🙄 Even now, she feels guilty for betraying him, even if she also doesn't. It's more the principle of it that she feels shame for, if not the actual emotional act.

SCREAMING 😳😳😳 The whole flower shop scene was like watching a train wreck. Poor Dean! So many stingers in those few sentences!! 😩 (And man, I wanna choke Michael!!! Buying flowers? Dinner? Are you fucking kidding me??? WHAT THE F–???)

Ughhhh God ikr? Poor Dean, indeed!! 😭😭 What's ironic is Michael doesn't know that that's almost exactly what Dean did to cheer her up the night before. So now, even Dean might be looking at his own actions as "not enough." But Michael has every shade of audacity, doesn't he? 😤

But did you stop the angst there? Nope! The reader part of me hated you, while the writer part highly commended you 😂💜

*snorts* honestly thank you - this compliment feeds me so much. 😂💕💕

I already knew it wouldn't be fast, but I knew this was going to be a problem. Where would she stay during this? Michael certainly won't have it, and I really fear for her safety here 🥺 (Reading the teaser for the last part, I think I have good reason to, even though I know you said once earlier I didn't need to. Still, you got me shaking here, girl 😅) Surprised Sam wouldn't think about that, considering everything he found out about the guy so far 👀

Ooh yes, these are all good questions! Her safety and where she'll stay is definitely a factor coming into play in Part 5. After what Sam has found out, he's going to make sure she's looked out for, for sure! 💜💜

This was such a dreamy, swoon-worthy movie scene *sighs* 😍🫠 And then they had to start talking, didn't they? Specifically Dean. The infamous DW self-loathing enters the AU 😆 I really just wanted to cover his piehole and tell him to stop talking, kiss her for real, and take her with you. Hide out in Kansas till everything blows over 😭

Ugh right?? Things started out so nice, why tf did Dean have to open his mouth? lmaoo

"I'm no good for you"!Dean has entered the chat. 😒 But no DW love story would be complete without a little self-loathing, right? 🙃

LOL love that image of literally covering his piehole.~

But I know it hurts, my lovely. I'm so sorry to do this to you. 🥲🤭

And I'm so glad the brothers had a long overdue chat as well! I still feel so incredibly heartbroken for Dean 😭

Oh yeah, Sam and Dean needed to have that moment - for Sam to see how much he was hurting big bro, and for Dean to get that off his chest. Ultimately though, if these guys can survive three years of the war apart, they can survive learning how to be brothers again too. 💜

I can't wait for the last part of this & how it all will tie together in the end! Eeeek! This is so, so, so incredibly good, friend!!! 😍😍😍 (And I get to read it on Patreon tonight too hehe 🩵)

Aww I love you so much for wanting to join my Patreon, friend!! I can't wait to see what you think of how it all shakes out--with much drama of course. you know me lmao 😘💖💖

BETWEEN THE CITY & THE STARS - Part 4

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: In the fall of 1945, Dean is having a difficult time assimilating back into civilian life after the War. He’s visiting his brother Sam in New York City, where he’s beginning to build up his law firm. At two minutes to closing time, you interrupt their evening to solicit a solicitor. Your request? You need help in order to divorce your husband.

AN: Now we get into the aftermath of the night before, with all the insecurity and heartbreak to go along with it. 💙

Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: Historical Epic

Song Inspo: “Danke Shoen” by Wayne Newton

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Mentions of cheating, angsty angst, trauma/PTSD, and a cliffhanger…

✨ Series Masterlist

🎵 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist

Part 4: Complicit

Sam would give Michael one thing. The guy damn well knew how to drink.

He didn’t stop all night, throwing back whiskey like it was cheap beer. His words began to slur, his movements sloppy, but he was still coherent. When he got up to visit the men’s restroom, Sam got up as well. Maybe he could get Michael talking.

Sam stopped the other man from tripping into the urinal. The two laughed it off, with Michael thanking him before he unzipped to finish his business. Sam did the same.

After washing their hands, Sam looked over and noticed Michael’s gaze lingering on his own reflection in the mirror. It was becoming a rough sight—his blonde hair no longer neatly coiffed, purplish rings under his eyes, the stench of alcohol clinging to his skin and clothing.

“You all right there, Milligan?” Sam asked.

Michael ran a hand over his face, sighing when it didn’t get any better.

“Fine,” he replied. “So, Winchester. What did you say you do for work again? Something about your own business?”

Sam nodded. “I started up a law firm.”

That much, he had to be honest about. It was all too easy for someone to look up his name in the directory.

“Sounds like a good outfit,” Michael said, with an incline of his head. “Every lawyer I know wears a Rolex.”

Sam chuckled, glancing down at his father’s watch. “Well, I’m not quite there yet.”

“Someday soon, I’m sure,” said Michael. He bumped Sam conspiringly on the shoulder.

“And you?” Sam asked. “What’s keeping the lights on at your place?”

Michael raised a hand to sort through his unruly hair, a dirtier blonde in this unflattering light.

“Well, you could say I’ve inherited a business of my own,” he said. “I run a meat packing plant down in the district.”

Sam’s attention piqued. There had been a meat rationing during the war, even some rumors and propaganda about “meatleggers,” black market operators.

“How’s it been with the rations?” Sam asked. “Been hard to even find a good carton of eggs lately.”

Michael gave him a slight smile. “Been on the turnaround, actually. I’ve been able to make some connections with vendors outside the city. A little grease on the palms makes a little go a long way, if you catch my drift.”

Sam slowly smiled and nodded. A little grease on the palms, huh?

“Do what you gotta do in the times, ‘s what I say,” Sam agreed.

Michael snorted. “Now you’re talkin’. That’s all we can do, you know. Try to make a thing work, with whatever scraps we get. Try to stay afloat.”

“Try to stay alive,” Sam rejoined.

Michael made a low sound of approval. He became more contemplative, crossing his arms as he once again glanced at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Sam’s gaze on the other man was perceptive, gaining ever closer to what seemed to be eating at the very core of him. Whether Sam actually believed what he was saying or not, each of his words was a test, a subtle nudge.

“You know,” Michael said. “I was shot down in France.”

Sam sobered further. Leaning against the counter, he retrieved two cigarettes and a lighter. He didn’t often smoke, but he thought it might keep the other man talking. He handed one over to Michael, and he took it gratefully. They lit up together and coiled musky tobacco smoke into the air.

“Where?” Sam asked.

Michael snorted, huffing a bit of smoke. “Lord knows. But when I woke up, I had stitches from here to here.”

He gestured to the back of his head, all the way to above his brow. It explained a small, but noticeable scar near his temple.

“And I had an angel standing over me,” he added, his eyes growing heavy. Guilty. “A bona fide angel. She’d stitched me up, she told me. She also told me I was lucky to be alive. The doc wanted to toe tag me and be done with it, but she thought I still had some fight left in me.”

Michael shook his head. “The next chance I got, I married her.”

Sam’s brows rose. He knew you had been a nurse, but he hadn’t known this part of your story.

“A wartime romance, huh?” he said. Michael quirked a smile.

“She was my anchor,” he said. “After it was all said and done, she followed me here, held my feet down to the ground. Sometimes she had to hammer me down, ya know.”

He hesitated, his eyes somewhat glazing over. He stared over Sam’s shoulder at something only he could see.

“But sometimes…sometimes an anchor just feels suffocating,” he said. “Sometimes, you need to forget your own damn name. Forget that your entire life and mortgage is in a warehouse that might as well be a freezer full a’ dead cow meat. And still, it smells a hell of a lot better than lying on a dirty cot—where the last guy who had your spot probably got his leg sawed off.” 

Michael considers the cigarette in his hand for a long while before he takes another puff.

Sam exhales smoke as well. He spent the last three years behind a desk, but he sees the same shaken core in Michael Milligan that he too often sees in his older brother.

“You know, Winchester, there’s two kinds of men,” Michael said, just a hint of a slur in his voice. “The ones who pray to live…and the ones who beg for it to be over.”

“And what kind of man are you now?” Sam asked. His tone was loose, but his gaze was sharp.

Michael snorted. He dabbed the butt of his cigarette on the inside of the sink before he threw it away.

“I’m the guy who can’t die,” he muttered.

He rolled his shoulders, as if to let the weight of his words and everything that came along with them to roll off his back. Then he pushed his way out of the bathroom, leaving Sam considering more than just half a cigarette.

That night after Dean left, you slept in the guest room instead of your bed. You couldn’t even bring yourself to sleep next to Michael when he stumbled in at four in the morning, especially now that you had seen his game with your own eyes. 

However, you also felt complicit yourself the next morning. You felt…ashamed. You took your vows seriously. You had never in your life thought you would be someone so brazen. You never thought you would dishonor your husband as well as yourself.

And yet. All while you got ready for work, hearing Michael’s snores from the other room, your mind was filled with warmth and memory—of Dean. His smile, his voice, his eyes, his lips, and of course, his hands. You couldn’t decide which of them was your favorite, but his hands were high on the list. 

You shouldn’t have let him in, you reminded yourself. You nibbled on your lower lip while you prepped the coffee maker. You should have told him goodnight at the door and saw him off. You should very well not have invited him up to the apartment, let alone drank with him, or let him touch you…

You paused while the sound of percolation and the smell of fresh coffee filled the kitchen. You looked up at yourself in the small mirror that hung on the wall. The woman looking back at you was conflicted at best.

Yes, you felt guilty. But at the same time, you didn’t. Was it really betraying your marriage if your husband had been doing far worse, and for God knew how long?

No. This wasn’t a marriage. This was a sham. A mockery of the very thing.

You frowned angrily and almost slammed the carafe on the counter when the coffee was done. Forcing yourself to take a few steadying breaths, you allowed that hate and anger to slowly drain out of you, and you smiled.

You marveled that you could smile at all, but it was only thanks to Dean Winchester.

What the hell am I doing?

Dean stared at the two bouquets of flowers. One was a bound bunch of red roses, the other was wildflowers and other colorful ones he didn’t know the names of. He was having a hard time deciding, namely because he didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked.

Because after all, he barely knew you.

He sighed down at the roses. They were pretty, but expensive. He could imagine your surprise, followed by your smile—the one that actually lit up your eyes and changed your whole face, made you sweeter, almost shy.

I’m buying flowers for a married woman.

The thought managed to make him pause, with a rough exhale of breath. The truth was, he’d crossed the line with you. More than once.

The hard part about it was, he didn’t really care. He did wonder if you cared.

He wondered if you’d be embarrassed to see him again. He wondered if you wanted to keep last night a memory, and nothing more. He wondered if he was better off booking his train home now, and leaving some kind of note for you with Sam. Dean didn’t think he wanted to see that look of mortification on your face, the whiskey finally cleared from your mind to see what he really was: a man with no job, no commitments, and very little prospects on the horizon.

“Ah, ‘scuse me,” a young man said from Dean’s left side.

“Oh, sorry,” Dean said, making way for the guy. He wasn’t quite as tall as Dean, lithe, blonde, and blue-eyed. He grabbed an arrangement of blue and yellow iris flowers from the case and took it up to the front. The florist seemed to recognize him.

“Oh, Michael! Been a while since I’ve seen you,” he said.

When the florist asked about you as well, the mention of your name rang between Dean’s ears. A feeling like inky claws raked through his chest; he raised his head from the roses and finally recognized Michael Milligan. He was the same man Dean had spotted in your wedding pictures hanging on the wall last night, right in the foyer.

“She’s all right,” Michael chuckled. “Truth be told, I’ve been working late this week. Hoping to surprise her tonight, take her out to dinner. Somewhere nice, you know.” 

“Oh, really? Why don’t you take her to that nice steakhouse off of Broadway…” the florist twittered on as he continued to ring up Michael’s order.

Anger and disgust prickled under Dean’s skin, his fists clenched at his sides. More than anything, he wanted to turn around and lay your husband out flat. If he thought one little bouquet and a Salisbury steak was going to wash him clean, then he was an idiot as well as a selfish bastard.

But Dean knew, deep down, that Michael would be just as justified to throw a swing right back at him.

So Dean left the flowers, the flower shop, and the entire busy street and all its blaring sounds behind.

During your lunch break, you quickly made the trek over to Sam’s office. He’d called you this morning with a story that only confirmed everything you’d inherently felt, and yet, some of it still managed to shock you. 

You didn’t even have the patience to wait until after work, but when you got there, he reassured you. It had taken him a few rounds of poker and discreetly following Michael and Dolores after they exited through the back of the club…but Sam had gotten the evidence not long after. They weren’t exactly discreet in the alley. Or in the nearby motel.

You had the envelope in hand filled with the pictures he’d developed from his camera.  

“You don’t have to look,” he advised. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“No, I want to see it,” you said. You took the pictures out, and your expression didn’t change as you look through them all. Each position captured was more compromising than the next between Michael and Dolores Daye. Apparently, he was paying most of her bills as well with your combined household funds. So part of your own money was financing his exploits.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said. He was sincere, with those hazel eyes of his.

You nodded and gave him back the envelope. “What’s next?”

“I went ahead and filed the petition. I’ll take this right to the clerk’s office myself.”

“How long will it take to be over?”

“As long as Michael plays along, should be quick. A few months at most, after he’s served the divorce papers and signs them,” Sam assured.

A few months? That wasn’t quick enough in your book, but you agreed with a nod. You got up from the chair opposite his desk. You hesitated there.

“Oh, I meant to ask…how’s your brother?” you said.

Sam began to smile, but he tempered it. “He just called before you came in. He let me know he was stepping out for a walk.”

“Oh, really? Did he happen to say where?”

You not only found Dean in Central Park, but close to the very same bench you two had sat on yesterday and talked the night away. He was surprised, but he smiled when he saw you. Your pace quickened, until you were hastening over to him. He welcomed you into his arms. He bent his head towards yours, stopping just shy of kissing you. Instead, he pressed his forehead to yours for a moment.

“Well, look who’s here?” he teased. “How’d you find me?”

“I stopped by Sam’s office,” you said, holding onto the lapels of his coat. A cold November wind pushed at you both, ruffling your clothes. “The paperwork is on its way. Soon enough, I won’t be a married woman anymore.”

He tucked a wild strand of hair behind your ear and smiled, but it didn’t altogether reach his eyes.

“How soon is soon?” he asked.

“A few months, according to your brother.”

Dean nodded, taking a deep breath. “That’s good…but, I need to head home for a little while.”

That made you pause, tilting your head in confusion. Though you supposed it made sense. He was only here visiting his brother. He was planning on going home eventually.

But surely, that was before we… You lowered your gaze.

“Back to Lawrence?” you asked. Again, he nodded.

“I need to take care of some things, figure out my next move,” he said.

You pulled away from him to brace yourself, and not just against the cold. “Well, when will you be back?” 

He stayed quiet, worrying you even more. There was a deep pit forming in your stomach, churning with unease.  

“Dean?” you prodded.

He stepped back in to grasp your arms gently.

“Sweetheart…the truth is, I don’t have much to offer you,” he said. “I don’t have a business to inherit from my folks. I don’t even have a job. I’m a man who was about as useful as a jackhammer, until the war ended.”

You frowned, resting a hand against his chest. “Dean Winchester, that’s not all there is to you.”

“Really. When did you figure that one out, in the whole week you’ve known me?” he asked. It was harsher than he meant to be, but he couldn’t help the words that were spilling out of his mouth. “Didn’t that get you in trouble the first time? I’d a thought you would’ve learned your lesson by now.”

You snatched your hand back, hurt filling your eyes. You turned to walk away before he saw your tears. You should have known. You should have known a man like him would never be serious. Not about you. 

As soon as he let the words go, Dean realized what he was doing. Yeah, he was frustrated, but it wasn’t aimed at you. It couldn’t be aimed at you.

God knew he didn’t want to hurt you, or for you to hate him. He really couldn’t stomach either thought, so he relented and reached out to grab at your hand, before you could get too far. 

“Wait,” he said, managing to pull you back to him. “I’m sorry.”

You tugged your hand to try and free yourself from his grasp. 

“You know what, maybe you’re right,” you said, your voice wobbling with anger, dismay, and tears. “Maybe I ought to stop letting a man get even an inch into my heart. At this point, it’s my own fault.”

“Stop,” Dean demanded. “No, it’s not.” 

He pulled you back into him, but you looked away from his imploring gaze. Your breaths grew shallow while you tried in vain to stop yourself from crying. It damn well broke his heart.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just an idiot,” He cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears as they fell. “But you…you deserve to be happy. With a man that can take care of you, protect you. A man who has a little more of his life figured out.”

“You’re just saying that so you have an excuse for toying with me. So you can keep chasing skirts,” you said, pushing at his chest. “Yes, your brother told me about all your little exploits.”

Dean took the blow, both proverbial and physical, with a raise of his brows. He guessed he couldn’t blame you for that one. Still, the disdain behind your words stung. He allowed you to break free of him.

You stepped back and straightened your clothes. You took in a deep breath that did nothing to calm you, and you uttered a humorless laugh.

“I suppose it makes sense. Why would you want anything to do with me?” You gestured down at yourself with a dismissive hand. “A-a walking mess. Even when I am divorced, that’s how people will see me. Damaged goods. I don’t even know how I’m gonna tell my parents.”

You covered your face against Dean and the rest of the world, and after weeks and months, you finally allowed yourself the one thing you hadn’t since your first inkling that your husband was being unfaithful. You finally allowed yourself to break.

The first sob shuddered through your body, followed by hot tears. You squeezed your eyes against them and wiped at your face in vain.

Dean broke too, in his own way. He gathered you into his arms, where he shushed you gently and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“I wasn’t giving you an excuse,” he said.

Despite how much you wanted to push him away, the deep, steady timbre of his voice pierced you and soothed you at the same time.

“I meant every word I said. I may not be the right guy for you, but don’t you dare take a scrap of what anyone else might say, you hear me?” he said firmly. “You’re beautiful. You don’t suffer fools like me, and you’re better than that sad sack excuse of a man deserves.”

You looked up at him with watery eyes.

“You’re a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but you’re not a fool.”

He shook his head, not wanting to argue with you anymore. He just kissed you, deeply, thoroughly, the way you always imagined a kiss should be.

Except that you realized…this was goodbye. So you took advantage of every second of it.

You met him with as much as he gave and reached up to touch his cheek. It felt a little rough under your fingers, just like you remembered. You would probably always remember that feeling, long after you left the park.

That evening, you packed as many bags as you could. You put together the savings you’d been collecting for a few months. It had been at your coworker Jess’s advice, ever since you started feeling the inkling that something wasn’t right in your marriage.

After you were all packed, you took one last, long look at the space you had tried to make your home. With one last tear trailing your cheek, you stepped out of the apartment. You took the bus uptown, where you later checked into a hotel. 

When your husband finally got home from work, he would find a one-page letter written in your own hand. 

For once, Sam was actually home in his apartment. He was helping Dean take his suitcase to the front door after calling a taxi to come shortly. Sam wasn’t happy about it though.

“You don’t have to go so soon, Dean,” said Sam.

Dean gave a humorless laugh. He grabbed his coat from the rack and threw it on.

“I’ve gotta get back to the house. It’s already been empty too long,” he said. Three years too long. “Fact is, I’m just getting in your way here.”

He couldn’t quite meet Sam’s eyes as he went to the door, but Sam stopped him with a pressing hand on his arm, tugging him back.

“Hey,” Sam said, his brows furrowed. “That’s not true. Where’d you get that idea?”

Dean raised his brows. “You mean the way you’ve haven’t been home more than a few hours a night? The way the only time I see you is if I go find you at that office. You should open up a Bed n’ Breakfast there. You’d make a double killing in this town.”

Sam wilted. “Dean, we opened the firm barely a month ago. I’m just trying to—”

Dean laid a hand on his shoulder, relenting.

“Hey, look. I’m not judging you, Sammy. I’m not,” he said. “You’re building something. I know that. I just need to go figure out how to do the same, whatever that means for me.”

Sam stared back at him, still with that frown. His guilt and reluctance to see Dean go was reflected in his eyes; those sad puppy dog eyes that used to get him out of almost any punishment with their parents when the boys were young. Before.

The corner of Dean’s mouth kicked up into a smirk.

“Don’t worry. I’ll see you again soon,” he said.

“How soon is soon?” Sam asked. It was something their mother used to say to John whenever he called late, promising he’d come home after long days in town buying supplies for the farm.

“The divorce papers will be served to Michael Milligan,” Sam added, pointedly raising his brows. “She…could use your support.”

Dean’s smile faded at the mention of you. His hand slipped from Sam’s shoulder.

“She’s got a strong head on her shoulders. She’ll be all right,” he said. He heard the honk of the taxi outside. He grabbed up his hat, set it on his head, and took up his bags. He turned back to Sam at the last moment. “I’m sure you’ll look out for her.”

It was somehow both a question, and an imploring charge. Sam sighed, but he nodded in agreement. His brother could be so very stubborn. Once he got an idea of what he thought he needed to do, there was almost no talking him out of it.

Sam opened the door for him and walked him out to the car, helping him with his bags. Before Dean could get into the cab, Sam stopped him. Their gazes met, but in that moment, no words were needed.

They pulled one another into a firm hug.

I’m sorry. I should’ve been there more for you.

Don’t worry about it. It’s already forgotten.

Dean released him first with a smile, and a heavy pat of Sam’s shoulder. He turned and climbed into the cab’s backseat. Afterwards, Sam watched the yellow cab take his brother away to the train station, feeling a weight in his heart that wouldn’t subside.

He would never know that Dean felt exactly the same way. Except that impossible weight felt a lot like your hand, gently laid over his heart.

Dean took up his suitcase as the train pulled into the station. He stepped up onto the platform and retrieved the ticket from his pocket, but he paused, hearing a familiar voice shouting his name.

He turned his head and saw Sam rushing to meet him at the platform.

“What’s the matter? What’re you doing here?” Dean asked in surprise. He didn’t like the wary apprehension written across Sam’s face.

“I just took a closer look at Milligan’s finances,” he said. “Before you go, there’s something you might want to know.”

AN: Come on, we needed at least one cliffhanger in this series! 😘 What do you think Sam rushed over to tell Dean? What did you think about their "goodbye," as well as her and Dean's goodbye? ...And are you ready for all the drama that's about to go down? lol 

Next Time:

Except the loud, insistent knock on the door broke you out of your thoughts. Straightening up with a frown, you set down your glass and went over to the door. Maybe it was Housekeeping coming up to bring you the fresh towels you asked for. The ones that had been laid out in the bathroom smelled musty.

You opened the door to a tall frame taking up room in the doorway. It was Michael, standing there both disheveled and steaming mad. He held your letter crumpled in his left hand. 

“Michael, what—what’re you doing here?” you gasped and stepped back. He followed you inside the room and slammed it shut. He looked around at your open suitcases in disbelief, then finally at you.

“What’s this supposed to mean, huh?” he demanded to know. He shook the flimsy piece of paper at you.

Read Part 5 on Patreon! || Coming to Tumblr on 3/07

Join My Patreon 🌟 Get early access to new stories, bonus content, and first looks at upcoming stories, send me requests, and more!

Between the City & the Stars Masterlist

Jacklesverse Bingo Masterlist

Dean Winchester Series List

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Follow @zepskieswrites (with notifications on) to get notified every time I drop a new story or chapter. 💜

Dean Winchester Tag List (Part 1)

@luci-in-trenchcoats @lamentationsofalonelypotato @winchestergirl2 @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007 @mostlymarvelgirl @thebiggerbear

@globetrotter28 @midnightmadwoman @chevroletdean @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @kayleighwinchester

@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl

@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx

@mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @cheynovak @jollyhunter

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad

@kmc1989 @siampie @rubyvhs @masked-lost-girl @spnbabe67

@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @impala-dreamer

[myownwholewildworld]

wicked whims — a javier peña oneshot

pairing: javier peña x f!reader (same couple as pretty nails, can be read as a standalone) summary: javi catches you playing wicked whims in the sims and decides to make your fantasies a reality. a/n: I AM NOT OKAY, OKAY? this is the definition of a crackfic. muchísimas gracias a @gothcsz for the inspiration and for convincing me to play this mod, i'll be eternally grateful 😭 i'm loving the levels of freak we're reaching <3 ANYWAY please enjoy this delusion! warnings: 18+, mdni. filthy smut. f! solo masturbation. rough anal sex. creampie. no use of y/n. javi and reader speak spanish. no description of reader other than hair that can be yanked, but i do imagine her as a latina. w/c: ~1.6k

You unglued your eyes from the screen for a second to look at your phone.

8:37 PM.

“¡Mierda! (shit),” you muttered under your breath, checking the time one more time.

No, your eyes hadn’t betrayed you. You really had been playing Sims for the last four hours, completely losing track of time. You were supposed to do laundry today, clothes piling up in the hamper behind you. Damn, you had even planned to run to the shop too for a few ingredients missing from your cupboard.

But this new mod you had just discovered, Wicked Whims, had you on a fucking chokehold, unable to refrain yourself from having your simself perform all the depravities your mind could come up with. You had created yourself and Javi in the game, spending a ridiculuous amount of time on getting the shape of his aquiline nose right. Then spent countless hours looking for the right animations and custom content to live your best life.

In the darkness of your shared room, you unpaused the game again, deciding it was too late for laundry or food shopping.

Your simself and Javi were awaiting further instructions.

Wicked > Sex > Oraljob > Rough deep-throating.

You watched eagerly as your simself choked on Javi’s cock. The slapping of his balls against your chin, along with the lewd noises, was so realistic it soon replaced your smirk with a gentle bite on your plush bottom lip. Saliva and precum overflowed from your lips the moment Javi grabbed your head and began jackhammering into your mouth.

You were gagging loud.

This was too good. So much so, you felt your pussy wetting, your clit pulsing softly. Pressing your knees together, you immersed yourself in the gameplay, your imagination running wild. It even got to a point where you slid your hand under your panties, your fingerpads tracing the slick seam of your cunt.

Leaning back on the chair, one leg propped up over the armrest, you pressed slow, lazy circles on your bundle of nerves, a soft sigh leaving your lips with half-lidded eyes. How was this mod getting you all messy? No idea, but you were horny as fuck.

Stalking your gushing hole, you tentatively sank one finger in your pussy, eyes glued on Javi cumming on the face of your simself.

“Ah, sí, mi Javi haría exactamente eso… (Ah, yes, my Javi would do exactly same),” you hummed in approval, adding a second finger, curling them to reach that precise spot of pleasure.

“¿Qué es lo que yo haría, reina? (What is it that I would do, queen?)”

His actual, real voice interrupted you.

Startled, you jumped to your feet, pushing the chair to one side and switching off the screen of the computer as fast as you could. Turning around, you saw him right behind you.

“¿Cuánto tiempo llevas ahí parado? (How long have you been standing there?)” you asked rather nervously. You really hadn’t heard him come home.

The real question you wanted to ask though was how much had he seen. But you didn’t want to betray yourself in case he hadn’t paid much attention to your gameplay.

“El suficiente (Enough),” he replied with a smirk, closing the distance between you.

His warm hands landed on your naked hips. You were only wearing a tee shirt and underwear, always making yourself comfortable the moment you crossed the frontdoor. Javi leaned in, a knowing smile curling his mouth as his moustache prickled the curve of your neck.

“¿Un día duro en el trabajo? (Hard day at work?)” you attempted to divert the conversation, biting down your lip as Javi left a trail of wet kisses on your sensitive skin.

“Lo único duro que tengo es mi polla después de ver lo que estabas jugando (the only hard thing I have is my cock after watching you play),” he husked as you craned your neck a bit more. Javi groped your ass and pressed your clothed pussy against his growing bulge. “¿Somos nosotros? (Is that us?)”

Well, there was no point in denying the truth, so you nodded.

“Eso es lo que pensaba. Te gusta que te la meta hasta el fondo de la garganta, ¿cierto? (That’s what I thought. You like it when I shove it down your throat, right?)” he questioned, one hand replacing his lips, wrapping it gently around your throat.

You gasped. Your pussy gushed.

This man was a menace to your senses, both in game and in real life. Although virtual Javi could never compare to the real one.

“Javi—”

“Nuh-uh,” he tutted at you. “Odiaría interrupir. Por favor, sigue jugando (I’d hate to interrupt. Please, keep playing),” he ordered, because there was no room for discussion after that.

Javier turned you around, pushing you towards the desk and switching the screen back on. You had forgotten to pause the game, so your sims had decided not to wait for your commands any longer.

Javi and your simself were going at it on the bed, you laying down on your belly as Javi fucked your ass, his chest flush with your back.

“Me gusta lo que veo (I like what I see),” he groaned behind you, his fingers hooking around the bottom part of your panties to push them aside. “No me hagas caso, encanto. Tú juega tranquila (Don’t mind me, darling. Take your time playing).”

Easier said than done. It was hard to focus on the game when you heard Javi unzip his jeans behind you and ramming his throbbing cock between your inner thighs. Gripping the edge of the desk, you stuck your ass out for him. Javi humped your damp slit, his angry cockhead kissing your clit every time he pushed forward.

You whimpered, eyes half closed, watching the faces your simself put on as Javi destroyed her ass.

“Estás bien mojada. ¿Te estuviste tocando mientras jugagas? (You’re so wet. Were you touching yourself while playing?),” his voice hitched in the back of his throat, his mushroom head intruding in your clenching opening.

“Sí. No me pude resistir… Me estabas follando bien duro (Yes, I couldn’t resist… You were fucking me so rough),” you whispered, eyes fully shut and mouth agape, eager for him to impale you from behind.

But instead of doing that, his hips slanted back, your pussy crying, craving him.

“Los ojos en la pantalla, reina (Eyes on the screen, queen),” he retorted, clicking his tongue.

You rapidly obliged.

Wicked > Sex > Anal > Rectal Jackhammer.

Javi snickered behind you, getting the hint.

You felt his hard cock drag along your sticky pussy lips and tapped his glans on your clit a few times, until your knees were trembling with pleasure. Then slid his cock backwards, going past your leaking entrance, until it caught on your rimmed hole.

Slowly he fed his thudding cock into your ass, parting your soft walls as he inched forward. You squirmed and hiccuped, fighting to keep your eyes open and focused on the game whilst the stinging feeling blossomed into something else.

Your sphincter hugged him tight once he was fully seated inside you and Javier grumbled with satisfaction.

Javi pumped out, then back in, testing your resolution. When he was satisfied that you were ready, he grabbed your hair in a fistful and started jackhammering into you—the thrusts hard and unforgiving. Your moans soon followed, the cacophony of your bodies meeting each other filling the room as Javi yanked at your hair, your back arching.

You could feel him in your fucking guts, and that was what made it all even more enjoyable. But what had you tripping over was Javi’s hand going over the swell of your buttocks, down your belly and finding your clit.

“¡Dios, sí, justo ahí! (God, yes, right there!),” you wailed with tears brimming and running down your cheeks, messing up your eyeliner. “¡Más fuerte, Peña! (Harder, Peña!)”

Javi grumbled behind you, fucking into you in a frenzy, like a man possessed by his worst demons.

“Te voy a destrozar el culo, muñeca (I’m gonna destroy your ass, babydoll),” he snarled, rutting into you so hard your knees almost gave way.

You collapsed onto the desk, resting your forehead on the keyboard. Your mind was too fuzzy to focus on the game anymore. Javi was blasting your entrails so hard, he’d wiped out any thought in your brain. You couldn’t think, only feel.

Grabbing your hair one more time and pulling, your face lifted off the keyboard, just in time to see how sim Javi cummed in your simself’s ass.

His fingers rubbed your clit desperately, the coil inside you finally snapping, releasing the tension building inside your body. You came hard, your poor pussy clutching around nothing as your juices leaked through your panties and down your inner thighs. It felt like a motherfucking tsunami had washed over you.

Javi picked up his pace, your ass sheathing him just right, and after one last harsh jerk at your hair, he finally found peace in your puckered, fucked out hole. You felt his warm cum filling you up, sticking to your inner walls and clinging onto them.

A heavy sigh later, Javi let go of your hair and pulled out, spanking your round globe with a sly grin and wiping the sweat off his forehead.

You were still sprawled across the desk, trying to tame your heaving.

“Mira, están follando otra vez. No podemos dejar que nos ganen, reina (Look, they are fucking again. We can’t let them win, queen),” he said, tapping the screen to direct your wavering attention there.

Fuck.

[atlaculture]

Hi! You are awesome, your blog is awesome, it's a great inspiration and very interesting to read!

(I even want to translate some of the posts, with credits and everything, to share your awesomeness with not-english-speaking part of the fandom, if you don't mind)

I saw you helped other fans with creating looks for their original characters... Please, can you give an advice: where to look for references if I want to draw an AU with Yue being saved by not the Moon, but the Ocean spirit? Just mentioning the general direction would be great! She definitely should have a different hairstyle (+hair color ofc), a different spirit-form and a different name... I barely know anything about asian/ingenious cultures and don't want to make rude mistakes.

I know it's a lot so any small advice will be very helpful.

And thank you for your posts, you are absolutely amazing! 💜

Aww, thank you! I'd love it if you translated my posts into German. <3

Interestingly enough, both the Chinese and Inuit ocean deities are women, so there is plenty of inspiration to draw from for Yue. ^_^

Like most mythology, these stories have countless versions. I'll be choosing the versions that are most relevant to Yue. This will be a two-part post, with the first part covering Inuit culture.

Inuit Mythology: Sanna / Sedna

There was once a beautiful and kind girl named Sanna who did not want to marry and turned down many suitors. One day, a seemingly talented hunter passes through her village and demands she become his wife. Her father decides to marry her off against her will, in exchange for the hunter's large haul of fish.

The man reveals himself to be a powerful raven in disguise and carries her off to his nest--- this won't be the only time that The Raven tries to kidnap a pretty girl in Inuit mythology. Realizing his mistake, Sanna's father gets in his boat and steals her back from The Raven's nest. As he and Sanna begin rowing away, The Raven flaps it great wings and conjures up a storm.

Fearing The Raven's wrath, Sanna's father throws her into the sea as an offering. She swims back to the boat and grabs on to its edge to stay afloat. Fearing that she'll capsize the boat with her weight, her (asshole) father chops her fingers off in a panic.

Poor Sanna sinks helplessly into the ocean, her chopped off fingers following behind her. Fortunately, she is reborn as the Mother of the Sea and her chopped off fingers transform into the beloved sea mammals of the Arctic (and a much more substantial food source than fish): Whales, narwhals, seals, sea lions, and walruses.

The waters and animals that Sanna watch over will be good to those who treat animals and other people with respect.

You can see how her tale relates to Yue's story. Physically speaking, Sanna is often portrayed as resembling a mermaid, but with a seal's tail. Yue's hair could be black like a murky ocean. I also think it would be cool if you gave Yue line tattoos on her fingers, to represent the tragedy that befell Sanna.

Additional Thoughts

I like the idea of ocean goddess/mermaid Sanna wearing a parka with mittens; she only takes off her mittens to show off her finger stubs and give people a little fright. She's got a sense of humor about it. ^_^

Chukchi people, who are culturally similar and geographic neighbors to Inupiat people, believe the ocean god is the son of The Raven. I guess their version of Sanna ended up staying and having kids with her bird husband.

Sanna's story is so heart-wrenching. She should spend the rest of her days playing with baby seals and pranking people with her hands.

[swuspect]

I MISS YOU, COME HERE.

inspired by the song: Love Me Not - Ravyn Lenae

synopsis: a late-night text from patrick pulls you into his world again, and before you know it, you’re back in his hotel room, tangled in the same messy feelings. it’s just supposed to be a fling, right? but neither of you can seem to let go.

pairings: older!patrick zweig x fling!reader

a/n: this was originally a request i was doing last night (half asleep) and accidentally deleted it…so i hope whoever req this sees it 😭😭 (patrick has his financial shit together!)

wc: 521

the sheets still smelled like him. a mix of clean laundry and expensive cologne, something deep and woodsy, clinging to the air like a ghost of last night. you hated how familiar it was. how easy it had become to know the way patrick zweig moved in the dark, the way he kissed like he was trying to win something, the way he always, always left before the sun came up.

you stretched against the cold side of the bed, blinking at the soft glow of morning slipping through the hotel curtains. the tour had him in another city now, another match to play, another press conference where he’d smile that easy, sharp grin. like nothing was clawing at him from the inside out.

like you weren’t clawing at him.

you sat up, running a hand through your hair, reaching for your phone. no texts. not that you expected one.

this thing between you—whatever the hell it was—had never been built on promises. just stolen nights and whispered names, hands gripping too tight, lips lingering too long. you weren’t stupid. patrick zweig didn’t do commitment. he didn’t do soft, or vulnerable, or any of the messy things that turned a fling into something real.

and yet.

you hadn’t even realized you were still staring at your screen until it lit up with a notification.

patrick: are you up?

your heart shouldn’t have jumped. you shouldn’t have been this easy.

you: obviously. what do you want?

three dots appeared, disappeared, then came back again.

patrick: you’re still in boston right?

you: where else would i be?

patrick: come see me.

you exhaled sharply, flopping back onto the pillows, staring at the ceiling like it held the answer to why you kept doing this to yourself. you should say no. should tell him to fuck off, to go find someone else in the next city, because that’s all this ever was, right? just convenience. just a habit.

but you were already getting up.

his hotel door was cracked open when you got there. typical. always making it easy for you to walk in, never making it easy to leave.

patrick was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, bouncing one of those stupid bright green tennis balls in his hand. he looked up when you shut the door behind you, his mouth curving into that smirk that had ruined your life.

“didn’t think you’d actually come,” he murmured.

“then why’d you ask?” you shot back, arms crossed.

he just shrugged, eyes flicking over you like he was memorizing something.

“big match tomorrow,” he said, rolling the ball between his fingers.

you snorted, stepping closer. “oh, so this is just pre-game stress relief? should’ve known.”

patrick chuckled, low and knowing. “if that’s what you wanna call it.”

he dropped the ball, caught your wrist instead, tugging you forward until you were between his knees. his fingers skimmed up your arms, slow, careful, like he wasn’t used to being gentle. like he was afraid of what it meant.

“this is a bad idea,” you whispered.

his lips twitched, but something in his eyes flickered, something almost uncertain.

“it always is.”

and yet, neither of you moved.

you hated this. the way he looked at you like he didn’t want to want you. the way you looked back like you didn’t already know how this ended.

“tell me to go,” you said quietly, testing him. “i will.”

patrick’s grip tightened for half a second. then he let go.

you turned to leave.

but before you could reach the door, he spoke.

“wait.”

and just like that, you were his again.

[alexanderwales]

Game Review: The Roottrees are Dead

When I played Obra Dinn shortly after it came out, I thought "man, that was great, they should make a hundred of these, this should be a whole genre", and on reflection, that would actually be a terrible idea, because what made it great was the storytelling, the attention to detail, and the loving care that went into it. As I've learned from the wave of games that take inspiration from Stardew Valley, there are some genres that I only like if they have a lot of attention to detail and artistry.

The Roottrees are Dead very clearly follows in the footsteps of Obra Dinn, and while it doesn't quite hit the same highs, I think it's a worthy successor that forges its own path and helps to establish what's possible within the space.

In The Roottrees are Dead you play as an investigator in the late 1990s (1998 for the original, 1999 for Roottreemania), looking into the Roottree family to uncover some of there secrets. You do this almost entirely through a simulacrum of the early internet, with a pre-Google web search, periodicals, and checking out books from the local library. Gameplay entails combing through these documents to see what there is to search, then making some deductions to put information up on the sprawling family tree. Just like in Obra Dinn, you get your guesses "confirmed" after you've locked in some number of correct entries, which helps to narrow down the search space.

It's a good game. I recommend it if you like research and puzzles and deduction.

I think mostly I want to talk about how it feels to play this game, and what I think makes it work in a way that's totally different from other detective/puzzle games.

First, and I think this is very important, you can search almost everything, and you are often rewarded for this. Every name, every company, every book, all of them can be searched in one way or another. Sometimes it's the web search, and if that turns up nothing, sometimes you can search the periodicals, except that you don't start out knowing the names of the periodicals. And when you do get the name of one, it opens things up, because you can go searching using this new resource.

Sometimes the information isn't quite right, so you have to think it through. Use someone's maiden name, or find out what a book was retitled to for its second publication, or figure out how the thing you're searching for would be referenced. This is all the kind of thing that I find really enjoyable, and more so than in real life, because the feedback is instant. Even if you hit a dead end, the game will usually have some text for you, and sometimes it'll tell you it's a dead end with a little story, ending with "unfortunately none of this seems relevant to the Roottree family".

What you're ultimately doing is creating this whole web of information, picking up names from articles you read and tracking them down, which gives you more articles and more names. You have some understanding of these people and their relationship to each other. You get to know the history in this very unconventional way. It's pretty unrealistic, but my suspension of disbelief was mostly fine.

Locking things in feels great, particularly because it means that you're removing a possibility from your list of names, making everything easier in the next go. This was something clearly borrowed from Obra Dinn, and I'm glad, because it works so well and feels so rewarding. New here are "optionals" that get confirmed whenever a lockin of the main family happens, and this is a great evolution of the concept.

There are two places where the game let me down a little bit, and both have to do with the pictures. The first issue is that I wanted the pictures to be of a higher quality. The web version had AI images, which were a little wonky, and got flak for it, so the images were (apparently) hand-drawn for the release on Steam when people were paying money for it. And they're still a little wonky, which is surely a budget issue, and maybe a little bit an art direction issue. I don't like criticizing thing for their lack of budget, but man, there were places where I felt it here.

The second issue with the pictures is that these tend to be the worst kinds of clues. People just do not talk about appearance and clothing in these ways, and it always feels clunky in the way that other clues (usually) don't. They're necessary, because this is part of the core gameplay, matching pictures to names, but it feels to me like the weakest part.

New to the Steam version is "Roottree Mania", which deals with a crisis of "extras" to add to the family tree, those who are products of affairs. It's basically the same in structure, and proof to me that this concept has legs: the focus is different, but you're engaging in the same gameplay. I would say that overall, I enjoyed Roottree Mania about as much as the main game, even if the scope was somewhat less focused.

And like before, I find myself thinking "they should make a million of these", but I know that this is only as good as it is because there's significant dedication and care put into it, and you can't just "copy" it and expect for it to be playable or good. You need those little moments when things snap into place, when something confusing reveals itself to be well-ordered. You need puzzles to work out, inconsistencies to uncover, information working together. And that's hard, and it's something I'm happy this game was able to do.

[nichiperi]

I've been using this sketchbook since 2018 when I started attending university. But I didn't really use it much until around 2020, shortly before I got back into Invader Zim. Flipping through it recently, I realized that there's a bunch of stuff in here I never shared with anybody (or at least, not a lot of people), so I thought I'd post some of it! :D

Open the Read More to peer into the sketchbook~ ✨📓✨

These were some of the first adult Dib sketches I did when I just barely tiptoed back into the fandom. I was still trying to relearn the style at this point lol, but I still like 'em!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is what the interdimensional transporter that Zim and Dib use in my fic looks like! I'd always intended to make a nice colorful reference sheet, but it never came to pass... I'm still working on my fic though, so maybe someday!! The design could use some tweaks first though...not enough wires or cables for my taste lol.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is the first overtly ZADR-y thing I'd ever drawn. Sounds silly to admit now, but I was actually really scared to draw it or even talk about it at first. (⁠;⁠;⁠;⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠) Things sure are different now lol. These past few years have been my first time doing this much ship art in general, and it's been really nice to have gotten to a point where I'm not so nervous about it all the time!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Space Trash Zim from the @izspacetrash AU! I once had a version of this I'd colored, but I must've accidentally deleted it at some point because the thing is just gone. It is lost to the void. Maybe I should redraw him one of these days... ✨👀✨

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A gaggle of assorted doodles!! I like doing these cluttered messes every now and again to practice with expressions or poses...or even just 'cause I wanna mindlessly put more space bug shapes on paper. 🪳🪳🪳

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Dib expression that turned out really good. Can't remember what he was supposed to be for, but....he exists. :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This was supposed to be a thing with a whooooole lot of Zim's killing each other. I was....feeling A Way. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) Buuut quickly realized that I didn't like what I did with their proportions and scrapped it. When I first started out re-learning how to draw Zim, I tended to give him more lanky proportions. But now, I really tend to favor drawing a more canon-compliant tiny Zim. I think this piece in particular was kinda the last nail in the coffin for my taller Zims. Sorry, tall Zim.... XD

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

These last two were going to be part of a comic... The last time I asked for sketch requests, someone sent me a prompt that really just sent my brain into overdrive and I was SUPER inspired.....and then life happened and I didn't end up finishing the idea I had. (⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠෴⁠ ⁠༎ຶ⁠) Sorry if you're reading this, whoever you were! Your ask is still sitting in my box and I STILL rotate this idea in my brain quite often!! I'd love to finish it someday!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That's all for now! But I hope y'all enjoyed! I've been having a rough time irl and seeing all these older sketches really made me happy, so I felt like sharing. Currently crawling my way out of some weirdly selective art block, but I shall have more finished things to share soon~! 💚

[sovietyaoi]

I do know what „sodomite” means, and since you seem to believe I don’t I’m going to tell you more – it doesn’t necessarily have to mean gay, people in middle ages couldn’t even agree what exactly it means, so neither can historians today, and it differs depending on the situation but it can refer to male homosexuality in general, a specific type of male homosexuality, any type of promiscuous behavior (and promiscuous behavior could mean pretty much any type of sexual activity outside of procreation in marriage) or bestiality. And anyway Ferid doesn’t seem to be offended by Crowley calling him that, I don’t see where you got that from?

As for the interview I can’t find it, it’s probably not available in English, my bad. I only saw a post where it says that Kagmi likes the movie and that the story is similar to that of Ferid and Crowley, but as I said IWTV is so much of a classic that it’s not a stretch to say they were inspired by. Also I mostly used it to show how relationships between vampire and his maker are being portrayed by media so my point still stands.

And yes, Ferid does refer to the situation with kids? Like I really don’t think it takes that much of reading comprehension skills to understand it. The “that” refers to the children’s he’s thinking about desire for women and strength, you literally just cut it out, which I have no idea why you would do that considering I have access to novels too.

I still cannot see how Ferid expressing any type of interest in women means he cannot be attracted to men too. I don’t know what where you referring to when you said he worships women, but you can make him out to be as much of ladies man as you’d like and it still doesn’t mean he can’t be attracted to men too. Two things can be true at the same time.

Curious how when Ferid flirts and banters with Crowley you say he’s only doing it to annoy him, because it stops him from being suicidal, but when he does it with any other character it’s a proof that he’s attracted to them. You see the main difference is that with Crowley you can actually tell they both enjoy it and it goes deeper than just mindless teasing. Like this:

Or the bus episode:

This scene is so important because it shows Crowley making Ferid genuinely surprised and happy.

I’m going to say it for the last time. Vampire’s in OnS do not have familial relationship, even thought they share blood they do not reproduce sexually so it doesn’t matter and lastly, even if you see it as incest it still doesn’t matter because they are not human so human inhibition about incest don’t apply to them. It’s like in greek mythology. Incest was considered immoral when humans did it (like Oedipus) but not when gods did, because human laws don’t apply to them. There is no reason why they would apply to vampires.

As for the reason why I defend crowferi, it’s really simple, I think it’s not that hard to realize it – I love crowferi and I love talking about it and luckily I’ll never run out of chances to do it thanks to self-proclaimed crowferi “haters” who can’t seen to shut up about it.

And lastly you’re really not gaining anything by insulting my intelligence, you’re only discrediting yourself as a matter of fact. You can't attest how smart somebody is simply based on the fact that they like a ship you dislike. And ships don't have to perfectly make sense for people to enjoy them.

kami's rage

[wisteriasymphony]

kagami with #53 Penny Lane for the color palette

KAGAMI MY SWEETIE PIE!

[lucabyte]

Taking pride in One's own appearance.

[feroluce]

So I spoke somewhat about my thoughts on Emanator Sampo here, but I never really thought of it from a design point of view or what kind of powers he would have until just recently. But I actually kind of love leaning into it from a "stage hand" perspective?

Because like. Aha's body in THEIR official art is completely black, giving attention to all the fun brightly colored things around THEM. And that's so fitting for Sampo! He usually prefers to be a side character. He likes to act from the shadows. His is a much more subtle hand.

So I wonder if as an Emanator, a lot of his clothes are actually very dark? Not necessarily plain, still extravagant and needlessly detailed in things like cut and quality with lots of different fabrics and textures and ornamentation, but dark. Or maybe even his skin itself becomes blackened further down his body; his hands in particular are dark, as a sort of sleight of hand reference.

The motif of a lot of straps wrapped around him like in his canon design is still present, but they're all loose and flowing off of him like paper streamers now instead of restraining him or holding him together. He is no longer contained! Or maybe they're still a bit more rigid/heavy, but just draped more like red stage curtains!

And this is like. Fully self-indulgent, but I love inhuman designs, and there's nothing in canon to say I can't do this, so screw it! Go for broke!! Maybe it's not visible to normal people, but Sampo having a second set of arms would be really cool, as further sleight of hand reference. One set is almost normal looking, but his hands are a bright, attention-drawing white, and the other is dark, set almost in the shadows of the first arms, to act less noticeably.

He also has something of a broken heart design to him in canon (the front of his black shirt with its jagged shape down the middle; his coat looks like a full heart shape in the back), and I actually like him keeping that element as an Emanator, because I think it suits him. Sampo says his taste in aesthetics and views on Elation involve human dignity,

and the story he helps create in Belobog involves the long and winding road of resistance and survival and eventual triumph in the face of some very adverse, oppressing odds. (I'm pretty sure I heard he once called Wildfire "artless" though, plus the man acts like he thinks Shame is some kind of dessert, so like ndkdjzjskkd) But the point being!!

I think Sampo is someone who can appreciate heartbreak and angst and tragedy in a story, because it makes the victory at the end all the sweeter. And this would be another thing he shares with Aha, because I think THEY did bless the Mourning Actors partly just to be a little shit, but also because Aha does recognize tragedy as part of THEIR Path, too, and you can see it in some of the game. So a broken heart motif can still suit him, and I like him having elements of both comedy and tragedy. Like his clothing having a happy sun/sad moon (like the moon in Aha's art) or him having both of the traditional comedy/tragedy masks in his design.

And as Emanator, Sampo can maybe play with the stage settings environment, too. Like lights sometimes behave strangely around him, appearing blindingly bright to someone or dramatically dark. Sampo wills it and suddenly there seems to be a metaphorical spotlight right where he wants everyone to look. And when he doesn't want to be noticed, his face seems to be cast in shadow, he seemingly just fades into the background, no one notices or recognizes him and he sneaks away easily. He can create smoke or fog literally out of thin air without his bombs now, too, the air will just suddenly thicken until his stage is obscured, and Sampo can set the scene as he pleases or disappear without a trace.

And in line with being a stage hand, Sampo can direct attention like no other. He was already extremely good at this as a normal mortal, and becoming an Emanator only took it up to 11, past human limits. Sampo points, and all present feel compelled to follow his fingertip. He looks away, and they all follow his gaze. He can even affect the mood of an audience; he can influence everyone to be calm and placid or he can whip them into a feverish frenzy. Sometimes a crowd will start to become unsettled, agitation stirring until it boils over, until it incites a full on violent mob.

And in the middle of all that chaos will stand one perfectly calm figure, face cast in shadow, until they quietly slip away out of sight.

[takitori67]

Python Junao

[angelbambisworld]

I once saw in a comments section of a KISS video(Can't remember what one)and someone said that Gene's hair looks like black cotton candy. I know they probably meant that as an insult but ngl he do be looking hella chewy sometimes