#so i had to redo that part entirely sob

[thewitchandtheassassin]

Life, Death, and the Space in Between Part One (Agatha Harkness x Reader x Rio Vidal)

Summary: Bound together by power and fate, you and Rio are undeniably tied, but Agatha Harkness was something unexpected - yet in the end...

Words: 1664

Warnings: Canon deaths, AAA, uh... language, child birth kinda? Angsty? I dunno, there's things.

A/N: A retake and partial redo of AAA (in the sense of "what if"). This is gonna be a... four part series? I think?

-X-

Cries of pain echoed throughout the trees as Agatha stumbled towards the water, body finding purchase against the trunk of a tree as another contraction washed over her. Everything ached, but she didn’t care. All she had worked for was so close. She just needed a little more strength and her child would be tucked into her arms, a beacon of her love.

She hardly noticed the unnatural silence that befell the forest, the wind dying into nothing more than an occasional puff of air. All she could see was- feel, hear - was the sound of her own heartbeat.

Glancing up as another cramp hit, she caught sight of two familiar figures lingering near. The beating of her heart quickened, so overwhelmed at the prospect of you both being there to meet your son, but the identical expressions you wore sent her heart plummeting.

He is not mine, you conveyed to Rio regretfully, tears prickling the corner of your eyes.

Life and Death stood, watching critically over the mortal who’d stolen their hearts. While bound together forever in a way no one would ever understand or be capable of recreating, you had both found the tiny piece you were missing within Agatha. You’d found a middle ground.

Death took a step forward.

Life took two steps back.

“It cannot be,” Agatha breathed, inching away from the green witch as she neared.

You could feel Rio’s heart cracking, felt the anguish and guilt rushing over her.

“It must be,” she replied gently.

“You do this and I will hate you forever,” Agatha spat fearfully, glancing between you. “Both of you.”

A sob clawed its way up your throat, suffocating and vile. This was the hardest moment you’d ever been summoned to.

“Please let him live!” Agatha cried. “Please, my loves. Don’t take him from me.”

Pleas began falling like tears, and your entire being called out to you. Begged you to rush to her side. To heal your son.

Rio’s eyes drifted closed for a moment before a dark stare met Agatha. You could see the parts of Rio warring. Her nature and her love clashing together in a battle, both reaching out to Agatha before being yanked back.

“I can offer only time.”

She peered at you. Save him.

Your feet moved before you could fully comprehend what was happening. Your knees hit the dirt in front of Agatha, warm light shining from your hands as they touched her swollen belly.

Looking over your shoulder at Rio, you watched the veil that separated you from mortals swirl around her.

Tell him of me, she begged, tears streaming down her cheeks in rivets.

All the time, my love, you vowed.

Attention returning to Agatha, you smiled up at her faintly. “Let’s bring our boy into the world, shall we?”

-X-

Years passed. Years of joining your love to decide the fate of a life. Years of watching your little boy grow, watching him become sick, watching him grow frail and tired…

Watching your lover kill in hopes of distracting your other lover. Watching her use your son to do it but never allowing Rio too close. Watching Agatha grow colder. Meaner. Deadlier.

As life comes and goes, you were often pulled away from Nicholas, helping the other piece of your soul collect and distribute life and death as needed. But for the times you were with him, watching him blossom and shrink, you never let him forget about the woman who offered him time.

As you stepped through the trees, veil falling away into your human form, you watched the beautiful smile break across Nicky’s face before he was bounding into your arms, clinging to you like a lifeline.

“Mother! You are back!” he beamed up at you, his thin arms gripping you as tight as he could. It was devastating to see the sickness ravaging him, knowing you could do nothing to change it.

“Hello, my littlest love,” you cooed, carding your fingers through his long hair before peering over his head at Agatha. “And my tall love.”

“If you are here, will I see Mami tonight in my dreams?” Nicky whispered into your ear, shrieking happily as you lifted him, tossing him over your shoulder and holding him tightly as his little feet kicked.

“Maybe.”

Agatha rolled her eyes affectionately as you pressed a kiss to her cheek, Nicky thrown playfully over your shoulder and squealing as you swung him about. She was surprised to see you return so soon, and her heart thumped painfully as she thought to Rio.

As the afternoon progressed into night, Nicky regaled you with tales of their exploits. Your heart ached, knowing the reasons behind Agatha’s choices but refusing to discourage your son from telling his vivid stories. You were so… angry with Agatha, for doing this to him, but in another life, maybe you would’ve done the same.

After he was tucked onto a small pallet, blanket right around his frail form, you joined Agatha at the edge of the water. Staring out into the darkness, you spoke softly, “This has bid you some time but you know this cannot stop the inevitable, my love.”

Bristling, Agatha turned to walk away, unwilling to hear your truths, but a steady hand caught her.

“You need to hear me, Agatha. She has given all she can. She has fought the universe to keep him here; avoided her own son so that Death would not call him home yet. But we cannot keep him here. He is not meant to be here, yet we let him walk and talk and be here with you. And you still hate her for the time she has allowed me to give him. Without her, he never would have taken his first breath. You need to unbury your head from the sands and accept we cannot change fate anymore than we have.”

Eyes flaring purple with fury, Agatha shoved you but you did not waver. “You are essentially gods! Yet one child unravels the cosmos? Fate? He is my son and you want to let her take him from me!”

“He is our son,” you corrected sharply. “He is her son. As much as he is mine or yours. She made him as we did. She does not get to watch him grow as we did. Hold him. Love him. Because she wanted to grant you time with him and yet you spit in her face!”

Staring into the reddened face of your lover, you softened slightly. “She loves Nicholas. I love Nicholas. And we love you. Gods know we do not wish to hurt you. But he is sick. His body is tired. You know there is only one way.”

“If you cannot understand why I do what I must to keep him here, maybe you should leave,” Agatha whispered, eyes filling with anger and tears. “I will do whatever I can to save him.”

Bowing your head, you tugged her into a tight embrace, pressing your lips to the crown of her head as she cried silently against your chest. It was raw and painful and you knew this was the last time you would see her for a very long time.

By the time she wandered back to camp, you were gone.

-X-

The shadows of night surrounded you as you and Rio approached the campsite one night, hand in hand. Her eerie green torch illuminated the path, her true form hidden beneath a familiar guise.

“I don’t want to scare him,” she had mumbled, cheek resting against your shoulder as time ticked down.

The heavy fall winds dragged Nicholas from his slumber and he slowly sat upright, eyes landing upon the eerie light. His eyes brightened before dimming, realization crashing into his chest. He peered down, watching his body remain as he stood.

Rio gestured for him to kiss his mother and he obeyed, whispering, “I love you,” before meeting you and Rio at the forest edge.

She cupped his cheek sweetly, thumb soothing on his paling flesh. “It’s time, love.”

“I am afraid,” he admitted shyly, wide eyes flickering between you as if ashamed of the admittance.

Crouching down, both of your hands found his lithe shoulders and squeezed reassuringly, letting light and warmth pour from you. “We will be with you every step, darling. I swear it.”

He peered over at Agatha, eyes shimmering in the green light. “I do not fear dying, but I do not want Mama to be alone. She is going to be so lonely.”

Your chest seized painfully.

“Our sweet, wonderful boy,” you breathed, peeking up at your partner, who stared at Nicky adoringly. “I promise, we will not be far from her, even if she cannot see us. Even if she is angry. She is etched into our bones and we will not stray far.”

“I will miss her,” he murmured, “But I will see her again one day?”

“Yes, sweetheart, and someday, we shall be a family again. A complete family.” Looking at Rio, you smiled sadly and cupped her face with your free hand. “One day, we shall never be apart again.”

“A complete family,” Nicholas repeated with a smile, peering up at Rio. “With Mami this time.”

Carefully making your way to the bridge, shadows and light swirled around as you passed through the veil and Nicholas was brought into the embrace of his mother’s domain. You were not ignorant to the pain that would overtake Agatha when the sun rose above the horizon, so once Nicholas found the space crafted especially for him, you returned to the mortal plane and stood above the resting witch.

Stooping down, you patiently maneuvered Nicholas’ mortal body in Agatha’s arms, tucking his blanket tight around him before pressing a butterfly soft kiss to Agatha’s temple.

“I am sorry, my love,” you muttered, pecking her temple again before disappearing with the morning light, soul aching as her wails crested the treetops.

[lueurjun]

skz x platonic actor! reader.

9th added member ! x platonic!skz. in which an intense scene unravels a lot of different reactions from the boys.

req. I was wondering!! maybe!! if you could do something for skz with a 9th member reader or a s/o reader (whichever you're most comfortable with!!) who's an actor and they basically do like.. a REALLY INTENSE emotional scene ─ i'm talking screaming, crying, something violent something heart wrenching yadda yadda yk how k-dramas can be 🙂‍↕️ and what the boys' reaction would be to that? 👉👈🥹

@ziipzeepzop-eez i forgot to ask if you wanted this to be like a reaction layout or not, so i just went with the layout i mostly prefer to write with. i hope this is what you wanted my darling — but if not, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message and i’ll be happy to redo it 🫶 much love 🩵

okay but give me your autograph

because not only can you perform but you can act too????

allrounder. an ace if you will.

the day starts off pretty tame, and you weren’t expecting any of the members to show up on set

let alone all of them

yet here they were, lounging around your trailer like it was their second home, limbs slung over the furniture, shoes and jackets strewn across the floor.

you’re positive you even saw jeongin leave the bathroom with a suspiciously swollen pocket and can only assume he had made off with your fancy soaps.

thief 🫵 THIEF IN THE BUILDING

no but me leaving the skz concert with a suspiciously skz sized bag

it wasn’t until the director walked in outlined the scene you’d be filming that the apprehension truly set in

because sure, they’d seen you act before, they knew how talented you were

brad pitt has nothing on you.

but never like this; never something this raw

and for reasons you couldn’t quite name, it unsettled you.

chan, eagle eyed as ever, noticed the shift in your mood

the entire walk to set, his eyes stayed steady on you, and you felt the weight of his stare. there was absolutely no getting past him

and true to form, as the others clustered behind the cameras, chan quietly pulled you aside.

“you okay?” he asked, scanning your face and detecting everything the naked eye of a normal person couldn’t see

but he could. because he was chan: your leader, and the only person who knew you better than you knew yourself.

you nodded, forcing a smile that definitely did not reach your eyes.

a hollow weight settled in your stomach. they had never witnessed this in person before, and a quiet, stubborn part of you worried they wouldn’t be able to look at you the same.

it was a dramatic thought, but it’s how you felt.

come here- come on. arms are already open. lemme hold you awww come on 🫂

“quiet on set!”

that was your cue. offering him another smile, you reached out to squeeze his hand before turning on your heel and heading into position.

han threw you a thumbs up from behind the camera, his enthusiasm nearly breaking minho’s nose. you managed a laugh, weak, but a laugh nonetheless.

i’m also there if you even care 🙄 waving a massive ‘i support you till death do us part’ banner. if you even noticed 🙄

the minute ‘action’ was called out, you were in the zone

you were no longer y/n. you weren’t an idol, you weren’t someone’s member or coworker. you were your character, stripped of everything else but that character you were playing

their traits became yours, their emotions bleeding into your soul. words on a page transformed into reality.

your hands shook as you poured heart into your lines, breathing life into words with raw, aching feeling.

tears traced silent paths down your cheeks, your hands clenched as you exchanged lines with your coworkers.

on a moment of sheer improv, you lunged toward the window and slammed your fist into it repeatedly as sobs and screamed wracked your entire body.

DID SOMEONE SAY OSCAR WORTHY? I THINK THEY DID ! 👏 STANDING OVATION 👏 LOOK AT YOU GO !!

silence. not a word from the crew, not a breath from the boys. your fellow actors, still in scene, remained silent and watched you as the script demanded.

the tension so thick you could’ve sliced it with the same hand you were banging against the window.

with a sudden intake of air, you collapsed to your knees, unleashing a cry so raw, so gut wrenching, it carved straight through everybody in the room.

it tore from the deepest part of your soul. in that moment, your character’s pain wasn’t just scripted. it lived, breathed, and bled through you. it was no longer lines on paper.

it was powerful and all consuming until it faded out slowly as you lowered your head to the ground, and your fists met the floorboards in a trembling rhythm.

then. silence.

“and cut!”

you could hear a pin drop.

breath ragged and shallow, you lifted yoruself onto your knees in a daze, heart pounding like a drum in your ears. you barely registered your co actor rushing to your side, gently taking your hand to check for any sign of injury.

“are you okay? you did so well!”

you blinked rapidly, struggling to sift through the haze, trying to shake off the remnants of the character you were portraying and step back into your own mind.

after a few breaths, your co actor pulled you up to your feet and guided you off set and over to the cluster of stricken faces.

chan’s eyes, glossed over, opened his mouth only to realise how dry it was and swallow thickly.

hyunjin watched you like you were made of porcelain; delicate, breakable, as if one wrong move would cause you to splinter into pieces.

felix‘s eyes reflected rivers of devastation, his hands shaking with the need to comfort you.

han looked as though he’d forgotten the premise of breathing.

jeongin’s face sparkled with an equal mix of horror and surprise.

changbin was fidgeting, a red mark on his bicep where he had clawed his skin in distress.

minho’s eyes was sharpened with intensity as he studied you.

and seungmin… he simply stared at you as though you were a puzzle he was attempting to re-piece together.

not a single word was spoken from any of them, causing anxiety to coil in your stomach.

“that was amazing, y/n. take a break and get something to eat before we start filming the next scene.”

you offered a stiff nod to your director, who clamped a proud hand down on your shoulder before stalking away to praise your coworkers.

clearing your throat, you fidgeted with your still trembling hands, your body lingering in the wake of everything it had just endured.

“how-how was it?” your voice was hoarse, a reminder of how far you’d pushed yourself.

then, hyunjin breaks the silence.

nobody: … hyunjin: 🔇🔨

“if they make you reshoot that scene, i’ll sue for emotional distress.”

a laugh bubbles up, easing your racing heart as your hand rises to brush away any lingering tears.

your eyes, once dull, now sparkled again, the familiar warmth you carry thawing the ice and revealing the light of your true self,

upon the sight of their bubbly member, all eight let out a collective breath of relief, the tension fading with the shadow of your character.

felix grounded himself in your presence, pulling you into a tight embrace.

ahahahahahahahahopetheannabelledollgetsme ✌️🤪

“as much as i support you, i don’t think i’m cut out for watching you fall apart in real time.”

patting his back, you release a sigh of relief as your heart steadied with every second that ticked by

“that wasn’t human… respectfully,”

y/ngpt fr 🙃

you recognise seungmin’s voice just as felix was gently torn away from you. opening your arms for a hug, you caught his eye for a moment before he rolled them playfully and let you wrap your arms around him.

“you have five seconds,” he tells you, though you notice the way his arms lock around you like an unyielding vice.

“pretty sure it’s been at least thirty—”

seungmin scoffed, pulling away, but your freedom lasts only a heartbeat before two hands grip your shoulders, and han jisung’s face fills your entire view as he studies your expression.

“you did so well! not that i’m surprised, i knew you could act, but i didn’t know you could act like that.”

“thank—”

“are you okay though? how are you mentally? what were you thinking of when you cried like that? was it the time i jammed your finger in the door? you cried pretty hard when i did that. how’s your head? no headach—”

han babes take a breath i get of you 👏

his flurry of questions are abruptly cut off as seungmin tugs him back by the shirt, giving you a moment to breathe. reluctantly, you turn to minho.

he blinks slowly at you for a few seconds, eyes steady and unreadable, and your nerves flare tenfold. minho’s black expression was often the hardest to decipher.

just as you were about to rip your pride to shreds and beg him to say something, he holds something out to you

plot twist it’s a knife 🔪 just kidding as if id ever let anything happen to you 🙄

an opened water bottle.

“drink. your throat will be sore from that wretched sobbing you did.”

nodding, you take the bottle and hold it up to your lips, feeling his hand brush gently over your head before he steps back.

it was just so… minho of him.

“changbin are you… tearing up?”

“what? no—ahem—no. absolutely not. it wasn’t even that sad.”

EVERYBODY LOOK HIS PANTS ARE ON FIRE 🫵🔥

though when you got closer, you caught the telltale red rims lining his eyes, the unmistakable glossiness clinging to his lashes.

your heart jackknifed, an instinctive feeling blossoming in your nerves causing you to run on default

without realizing what you were doing, you shoved your half full water in jeongin’s hands and surged forward, wrapping your arms tightly around changbin.

“please don’t cry, bin. i’m okay!”

his arms came up slow, but then he was hugging you with a desperation he couldn’t quite express with words.

he inhaled sharply as he nodded into your neck.

“it just looked real- i’ve never seen you like that and i don’t think i could handle seeing it again.”

bro is NOT 🙅‍♀️ watching the drama when it releases

your hand slid across his back in smooth motions, grounding you both

you might have been the one acting, but you quickly realized that your members had felt every emotion with you.

“yah. if you don’t win an award for that i’ll be pressing charges against you for emotional turmoil.”

he squeezed your shoulder once more before reluctantly releasing you and taking a step back, eye still glossy but at least he was smiling now

changbin: 🥹

releasing a heavy sigh, you shifted and caught the gaze of chan.

he hadn’t spoken yet, but his eyes conveyed a million emotions coming up from the very depths of his being

arms crossed, and a furrow to his brow, you couldn’t quite make out whether he was upset or if he was just processing

neither. he’s actually thinking of how he’s gonna arrange your marriage to me 😌

“come here,” he uttered softly, unravelling his arms to draw you in, heart pressing against your own.

🏃‍♀️💨

he didn’t squeeze you too hard, didn’t say too much at first, choosing to let his actions speak louder than words

“that was incredible… truly, you are��wonderful,”

the last word comes out breathless, a nod to how truly enchanted he had been by your performance.

you blinked hard, fighting the urge to cry again; your eyes were heavy enough from the expel of so many tears.

“you’re not… freaked out?”

it felt weird to ask. it was just acting, after all. yet still, you needed to hear it, a small comfort to untangle the knot in your stomach.

no one could ever be freaked out by you honey plum sugar love 🫂🫶

“freaked out? never. proud? always. was i ready to march on there and drag you away? absolutely.”

you laughed quietly, the weight on your chest almost completely disintegrated

almost

there was still one person you had yet to speak to

and he was standing directly behind you, the water bottle you’d shoved toward him clutched in his hands, a damp patch on his shirt from where it had splashed against the material in your haste to get to changbin.

damn you fr drowned him 💀

you grimaced, not just at your actions but at the look on his face because he wore an unreadable expression. his eyes wide, mouth parted just a few inches, caught between the urge to hug you and the impulse to haul you off to a therapist.

“jeongin?…”

there’s a tint of uncertainty to your tone which seemed to bring him back to reality.

like minho, he blinks slow several times

and then… “do we need to perform a exorcism?”

you stare at him, wholly caught off guard

“huh?”

“something possessed you up there and i want whatever that was gone before i even think about hugging you. that shift was terrifying.”

he eyed you wearily, as if bracing himself for you to shift back into character.

“i was traumatised!”

“tad dramatic don’t you think?”

“no! no i don’t think actually.”

you tried to reach for him, but he flinched back with wide eyes, holding the water bottle up as a weapon

GET BEHIND ME RN 🫷😠🫸

though you knew he would never use it against you

snorting, you ignored his feigned protests and start to mess up with hair — a habit you had never grown out of with him

“oh you poor thing! did i scare you?”

“of course you scared me! that shift wasn’t normal- seriously!” he turns to chan. “i think we should seriously consider some holy water or something.”

you roll your lips together tightly, resisting the urge to burst into a fit of giggles

after several seconds of him eyeing you up and down, double checking to make sure you weren’t going to ‘switch’ on him, he finally — and reluctantly — let you pull him in for a hug.

“did you seriously hate it?”

you felt him shake his head, a soft chuckle falling from his lips.

“i thought you were incredible. seriously, i think you should try your hand at a horror movie next.”

you laughed. “i’ll consider it.”

one by one, the boys circled back around you again.

hyunjin nudged you arm.

“next time you do something like that, give me a warning so we can bring an inhaler.”

jeongin scoffed. “there won’t be a next time, i’m never coming back.”

what’s not clocking that he’s standing on business rn?

you grinned widely, despite the slight tremor in your hands and the higher heart rate, you felt like you were floating on cloud 9.

all those previous fears, quieted into nothingness.

they weren’t put off by you — though they were noticeably more clingy than usual.

but they were proud, completely awe stricken.

im always awe struck by you tho? 😠

and slightly terrified.

but proud regardless, and that’s all the award you needed from them.

[zevrra]

i know you're on a prof!jayce kick rn so i raise you prof!jayce punishing you for getting a bad grade on a test :3

AAAAAA UGHHHHHSKSHJDHJHSHJDHHUAA,,

so uh yeah,,,i had fun writing this ,,,

[prof!jayce x fem!reader / nsfw / mdni]

professor talis definitely had a few ways of punishing you for failing in his class. he had agreed upon being friends with benefits with only one real rule(other than don’t get caught); which was no failing.

it didn’t happen very often but when it did…well jayce was a little harsher than usual. the first time you failed an assignment, he kept you late after class; bent you over his knee and told you to redo the entire assignment. where he could watch over your work. and for every wrong answer, he spanked you.

his big hands skimmed down the small of your back, over the round of your ass, and between the plump of your thighs. trailing his fingers along the curve of your cunt, where he started with slowly rubbing circles along your panties. he teased you as he watched over your work, forcing you into desperation with the more he slipped his fingers against you. he listened closely to your answers while his eyes would skim over the answer key as you went, the first wrong answer he tore his hand away from your cunt and full palmed spanked you.

the pain blossomed beautifully; like a burning fire licking across your skin. it ripped a low groan from within your chest, body trembling at the punishment. when you correct the answer, professor talis returns to rubbing his fingers against your core. but when you get the next question right? his thick fingers slide your underwear to the side where he then pushes a single digit inside of you. he’s slow to thrust his finger in and out, curling it every so often, giving you just the tiniest bit of relief from the pain. but with the next wrong answer, he’d stop his fingering all together, retract his hand, and give you a harsher smack across your ass than last time.

and he does this for as long as it takes you to completely ace all of the homework. and by the end of it, you’re ass is certainly a pretty red for him to admire. your cunt dripping and drooling onto the thick of his thigh. the sight must’ve drove him wild because jayce kisses you then before fucking you rough against his desk; forcing you to promise not to fail again.

the second time you fail an assignment, jayce is the quiet kind of upset. where he probably considered calling off any further “engagements” between you two. yet instead, he keeps you late again after class. when the sky is dark and it’s just the two of you inside the campus; he slowly undoes the knot in his tie before slipping off the fabric altogether. turning it around and using it to tie your wrists together. he rolls the sleeves of his dress shirt up onto his forearms as he stands between your parted thighs, contemplating on what to do with you.

he retrieves a toy from within his desk, one you had put there in case of…emergencies. now instead of using it for some fun, it would be used as a punishment for yet another failed grade on your homework.

he refuses to touch you at all. only brushes the tip of the toy along your exposed skin. he begins with just teasing you. constantly circles around the edge of your underwear with the toy, touching everything except for what you truly wanted. but any begging that slips from your lips falls on deaf ears. he wasn’t listening or accepting a single word coming out of your mouth; not this time.

after some time of teasing you has passed, jayce finally removes your underwear and sets them off to the side. and you think maybe he’s going to give you some satisfaction, he had been teasing you for so long you needed something, anything. instead jayce slaps across your needy pussy. the pain tingles across your lower half, forces you to gasp and jerk against your restraints. you sob softly, expecting him to say something but he doesn’t; just stays quiet before returning to teasing you with the tip of the toy. and jayce uses the toy to edge you for what feels like hours. constantly smoothing the tip along your lower half, edging it slowly inside your aching cunt— just the tip— before drawing the toy back out. repeating the motion again and again until you’re practically dripping wet onto his desk. broken moans echo inside the room but jayce doesn’t want to hear it; the hand not holding the toy grabs your underwear he had slipped off of you early, using them now as a gag inside your own mouth.

big, beautiful hazel eyes stare directly into your own as he thrusts the toy fully inside of you. “this is punishment. you’re not to enjoy it.” jayce mutters softly, a sinister glint to his pretty eyes. he leaves you then, tied up, silenced, toy left deep within your aching pussy. he plans to go grab a “quick” coffee but leaves you in the open, hands tied up, with the order to not cum until he gets back.

and he leaves you alone for longer than he had teased you. an hour or maybe more goes by but it feels like an eternity to you and your drooling cunt. it was incredibly hard but you manage to keep your promise not to have an orgasm until he comes back, expecting a reward when he enters back into his lecture room with his cup of coffee. yet he still doesn’t allow you to cum upon his return. he instead removes the toy, tosses the throughly wet item inside the bag it came out of, planning to clean it at home, before he takes back his tie. slips off the fabric around your wrists and tosses his tie back into his bag as well before returning to stand between your thighs. and normally it would end with him bending you over his desk and fucking you into the wood but he doesn’t reward you like that tonight. failing this time leaves you high and dry and he makes that clear. “put your cute little panties back on and go home sweetheart. i will see you tomorrow.” he whispers as he takes out your gag, tossing your underwear into your lap.

and with that, he sends you home on the promise of; no more failing.

but the one time it failed for both of you— it was the first time you had flunked out on a quiz. professor talis was…not happy to say the least. he had this disappointing look to his eyes when he asked you to stay late to help him grade a few other tests from another class. and when the time came, he sits in his chair and places you into his lap, his belt undone and his underwear shoved down— with your panties yanked off to the side and his stiff cock buried deep inside of your cunt. a large hand grips your waist, forcing you to keep still.

a stack of seemingly endless tests is pushed off to the corner of his desk. the very first paper sits before you, barely touched as you sit with him throbbing deep inside of you. this was your punishment; to cockwarm him while staying completely still until you finished grading all of the tests. as if you could focus on anything other than just fucking him. you bite your bottom lip, gripping the pen he had given you for dear life as you attempt to mark wrong and right answers.

and after what feels like an eternity of him throbbing inside of you and you drooling down the entire length of his cock; you’ve managed to get maybe nine or ten papers graded. your thighs burn and your core aches. he sits so perfectly inside of you, shaping you, forming you into a little mold that would forever and always fit him. fuck if your entire body didn’t tremble with the raw feeling of just being full. with him so deep inside, concentrating on anything other than wanting jayce to move was incredibly hard.

but you didn’t have to want it for too long before jayce himself is breaking and bending his own rules.

his large hands slide up against the back of your thighs as he tucks your knees close into your chest. somehow, your body bends to his command— he stretches you out, reaches even deeper inside of you, stuffing his cock into every sensitive spot within you. he bites down into the crook of your neck, grunting against your skin. “can’t take it anymore.” he groans, gripping your skin hard enough to leave pretty bruises as his hips begin to move. he sways you with his momentum, using his grip on your thighs to jerk you upwards as his hips lift erratically to meet your body half way.

he fucks into you— unable to hold himself back anymore. it was almost nice to know you weren’t the only one who had been suffering the entire time but the thought didn’t help in the slightest at the moment. the sudden jerking of his hips had your mouth falling open with a silent scream. you were beyond sensitive right now, after being completely full and unmoving moments ago. could feel your pussy swell and you clench around him with a sob; jayce whines into your skin at how tight you squeeze around him. both of you succumbing to the mind numbing pleasure coursing through your veins.

it doesn’t take much stimulation before your orgasm is rushing up inside of you. your pussy clenches tighter around him, your entire body convulsing as you cum with him buried deep. you cry out his name, eyes fluttering with the threat of passing out from the sheer power of your sudden orgasm. somehow you stay awake though, luckily, just long enough to feel jayce reach his own orgasm. hips jerking as he fills you up completely. he cums deep inside, breeds you with a high whine of your own name rolling from his tongue. and he doesn’t stop until your pussy leaks and smears with his white cum, marking you as his.

when he finally stops moving, he unfolds you carefully, tenderly. rests your legs back down against his own, curls his arms around you and gently squeezes as he buries his nose into the crook of your neck. “you’re still in trouble.” jayce huffs in a quiet voice. as if he’s trying to convince you…and himself.

you didn’t want to fail or particularly liked it…but every once and awhile…it was very rewarding.

[manchasama]

Screams and screams and screams and screams I have been on a Journey for this guy!

Yes I am That Guy who can't help but do them all in order and both regular and shiny. But this is for fun and bulbasaur line is one of my favs so it's no burden.

So after I'd "finished" (not ironed but fully beaded) the regular ones, I started working on the shinies. And I was Not Happy with the colors. It was too dark!

I had actually done the bulbasaur before, so the second one was just going to be for me to work on improving my ironing. Ivysaur was new, and I was already realizing I was not happy. But I did the entire big venusaur in the colors I had before I threw in the towel and said No. I Am Not Happy With These Colors.

Thus began my Quest to basically buy every shade of green available trying to find ones that worked. I un-did and re-did the big guy SO many times. And okay, to be fair I re-did the bulbasaur first, and I was really happy with the new color choices! I thought I had the big guy in the bag!

But. Every color I chose. Was the Wrong Color. I re-did the body so many times I probably made about ten of them no lie. I re-did the flower when I got brighter orange/yellows. I re-did the leaves and promptly HATED the choice. And I kept re-doing the body because nothing was gooooooooooooooood.

Well here he is. Done. (You can see part of ivysaur next to him, see how dark it is? I still have to redo that one, but it's a good contrast to see.) And he is fantastic and I think I'm finally satisfied. Also there are no more shades of green to be found so I have to be satisfied sometime lolol.

Now I have another problem. I bought so many new shades of green, I want to re-do the regular versions as well for better color matching. I never did iron them, so I can, but....they are already on the tape. It is a HUGE PAIN to re-do (I did it on the big guy, because I knew ironing such a big one I wasn't happy with was going to be a waste. It took so looooong).

*sobs in artist pain*

(Still having fun :)

[wordsaresimple-imnot]

so you’re taking requests. . . 😳 how do we feel about a fic with Luz just being a biiig softie? he’s such a wiseass all the time, I’d love to see your take on him maybe being more vulnerable and relaxed and emotional in an x reader if you’re up for it (I love the way you were able to characterize Liebgott in your most recent fic) <3 fluff, angst, smut or any other angle you’d wanna go with, totally up to you!

In her arms - George Luz x F!Reader

Okay, so I had already had an idea like this in my drafts and squealed when I read your request! I really, really hope I did him justice and this is what you want/like! If you want a redo please let me know! <3 Please enjoy @littleyankspitfire :)

Summary: George accompanies Malarkey into town after the bombing in Bastogne, needing to see Reader before he entirely falls apart.

Warnings: angst, mentions of war/death/violence, cursing, George is a frazzled mess and just needs to be held, fluffy ending.

A/N: I have the biggest respect for the real life heroes of WWII (and all other wars, past & current), this work & all other works is based on the actor(s) and character(s) portrayed in the Band of Brothers series.

A/N pt 2: I was going to make this have smut but the more I wrote the more I just wanted him to be cuddled and loved. George deserves so much. Might think of a way to do a part 2 with some lovin' for our boy. I hope y'all enjoy this! Please comment, like, reblog <3 <3 <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George and Malarkey entered the medic tent like zombies. Neither speaking, just going off of some internal compass pointing them towards their desired destination. Malarkey veers off to the right where Buck is laying on a cot, his eyes as vacant as theirs. George wanders up and down the rows, looking for a familiar face but starts to lose hope when he comes up short. Eventually he gently grabs the arm of a nurse walking by.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for someone." He gives her name and waits.

"Who's asking?" She gives him a skeptical stare and straightens her back.

"I'm George Luz with Easy Company. We're friends." He watches as she relaxes.

"Oh, I've heard of you. She's suppose to be resting for a few hours. Down the road on the left, third building, second floor, first door on the right." She gives him a quick smile and then hurries off in the direction she was originally going.

George follows her direction and soon enough, he's in front of the door. Two deep breathes later and he gives a sharp knock. He waits a beat and then knocks again, calling out to her. There's sounds of movement inside the room and then the door is pulled open. For a moment George feels guilty, having obviously disturbed her much needed nap, but the way he feels like he can finally breathe after seeing her chases the guilt away.

"Hey doll." He tries for his usual upbeat greeting but it comes out almost painful. Her eyes scan his face, a deep frown forming.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but doesn't know what to say. Everything is wrong. Physically I'm fine but everything else is hurt. Before he can finish his thought, his vision is blurred with tears and a quiet sob escapes. As the next one slips out, he's partially falling/being pulled into her arms and maneuvered to the bed.

She situates them so that her back is against the headboard with him draped half on her and half on the bed, head on her torso as more sobs rack his body. The scene is enough to make her own eyes mist over. This isn't the George she knows; he's always the optimistic one with a quick joke or wisecrack to push the darkness away and bring a smile to everyone's faces. Having him cling to her like she's a lifetime and he's drowning makes her worry that this war has finally taken the last bit of light from someone she never thought would lose it. And that terrifies her.

Instead of pressing him to speak, she lets him purge his emotions out while running her fingers through his hair and offering soothing sounds. Eventually his tears start to slow and he focuses on evening out his breathing. She keeps running her fingers through his hair, letting him decide if he wants to talk or not. When he does start to speak, his voice still holds a quiver but the longer he talks, the stronger it becomes. He talks about everything that happened; how what happened with Buck, Guarnere and Toye was still fresh and effecting the company, that the bombings that just happened killed Much and Penkala right in front of him, how if he'd made it to their foxhole he would have been killed, how him and Lipton nearly did die and were only saved by a faulty wire in the bomb that landed right in front of them.

As he spoke, her heart broke again and again over his loses (hers too as she was also friends with this men) and her anxiety grew as he told her about his not once, but twice back to back near death experience. Being in the middle of a war you come to terms with the high probability that you will die, but holding someone and listening to their recount of it nearly happening is not something you can prepare for. Once he's done relaying everything, a heavy silence follows, both of them lost in their thoughts and feelings of the events.

Slowly, George lifts himself from laying on her, moving up on the bed so he's leaning back on the headboard next to her. He grabs one of her hands that is now in her lap and laces their fingers together.

"I thought of you." He keeps his eyes on their interlocked hands, running his thumb back and forth over her soft skin. He see's her turn her head to look at him out of the corner of his eye.

"What do you mean?" She asks when he doesn't look like he's going to continue.

"When I was looking at that bomb at my feet, waiting for it to go off and finish me. You hear of other people that go through near death experiences and they see their life flash before their eyes. That's what I thought was going to happen, that I'd see my family and hometown and family dog. I'd remember all the big and small things I did, things I'd forgotten about. But that didn't happen. Instead, all I could think about was you. How you always make me work for a real laugh from you but I usually get a playful smile and eyeroll, how your tongue peaks out of the corner of your mouth when you're focused on finishing a wrapping or stitch just right, how you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen especially covered in dirt, how I wanted to kiss you that night by the lake when I told you the moonlight in your hair made you look like a goddess but I was too scared." George turns his head to meet her eyes.

"Why are you telling me this?" She whispers.

"Because I'm scared in a different way now. I was scared of starting something when this war could take either of us away at any moment. But after that bomb, all I'm scared of is dying without ever knowing what we could have. Never being able to kiss or hold you like I want. Never telling you that...I love you." George turns enough to face her, maintaining eye contact as he slowly leans his head towards her. "Tell me you don't feel the same. Tell me I'm just losing my mind and I'll leave."

"I love you too, George. However long we have left on this Earth, I want us to be together." She squeezes his hand that was still holding hers and puts her free one on his cheek. The smile that breaks out across his face isn't his usual smirk or something goofy to get a laugh, but a true pure smile that warms her heart. Sending him a matching smile, she tilts her head up and closes the gap between their lips.

The kisses are slow and sweet, almost tentative. Neither of them wanting to break the small bubble of peach they'd crafted around themselves. As they keep up their light exploration of each others mouths, they shift lower onto the bed so they're laying on their sides, wrapped up in each others arms. She pulls back slightly, taking in his soft smile and sleepy eyes, and gives him a quick peck.

"Rest with me a little bit?"

"Long as I get to hold you." He kisses her lips again, then the top of her head before resting his his head on top of hers, holding her as close as possible against himself.

Just as he's drifting off to sleep, he thinks: this is how I want to die, wrapped up in her arms.

[fearlessdevil17]

Redrew of one of the scenes from EP 6 of MajorLink's "A Hero's Purpose"

That EP has had me in a choke hold since its release, and I’m still broken :/

The cliffhanger ending made me lose my voice entirely lmao

Scene:

Since the release I wanted to redraw a scene from this EP, and while there were so many amazing and beautiful scenes I could've picked from, I didn't want to choose one that involved Major Spoilers.

Ultimately I chose the scene of Link rescuing Skull kid from Ganondorf since it wasn't much of a Spoiler, and more like an out of context scene that grabs your attention, and makes you wonder what the hell is going on.

Whether you are a Zelda fan or not, I definitely recommend watching this, even if you don't know or don't understand the story or the lore, this is still a fun watch (that is if you enjoy crying lol)

"A hero's purpose" has had me on the edge of my seat since the release of EP 1, the way it slowly steps back from Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, and makes its way to the events of Twilight Princess is flawless.

Not to mention the attention to detail, references, and connections to other Zelda games is by far the best part in this.

Majorlink, you have brought nothing but joy to the Zelda community, and I'm so happy to have been around when you first released EP 1 💚

And once EP 7 releases, just know that I will be sobbing like a baby 😂🫶

Fun Fact: i had to redo Ganondorf three times cuz i wanted him to be perfect!! Granted it was my first attempt to draw his TP design, but he’s my favourite Villain in all of gaming media, i wasn’t gonna mess this up. I say as i forgot his freaking earrings!!! Ahhhhh!!!!!)

(Seriously, go check out "A Hero's Purpose" it's freaking awesome!!!)

[variousqueerthings]

Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never ever eat pears!

WE DID IT! WE WATCHED ALL OF M*FFAT WHO (twice)! WE RATED ALL OF IT! WE FOUND SOME OF ITS VERY BRIGHT SPOTS! WE HAD FUN KVETCHING WHEN IT WAS BAD!

had a good time, yeah. I'll probably do a wrap-up post that takes a look at all the ratings and how they developed through the seasons, but overall woo! fun

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 2/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 2/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 4/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 8/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 2/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 7/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 3/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 9/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 5/10

FULL RATING: 48/100 (if I can count….)

Oh m*ffat. here at the end of all things (wrong reference) we return to tried and true standard, and by that I mean... a mess

OBJECTIFICATION: *sobs* I'M SORRY WILLIAM HARTNELL I'M SORRY HE'D DO YOU DIRTY LIKE THAT! I listed all the hamfisted casually sexist comments One says over the course of the episode, let's look at them

comment about how it'd be weird for the Twelfth Doctor to be a nurse, because he's a man

joke about how he misses Polly because she was good at dusting

another joke about women spring cleaning, aimed at Bill

"aren't all women made of glass in a way"

comment about having some experience with the "fairer sex" again aimed at Bill

also at Bill: "any more language like that you’re in for a smacked bottom"

a throwaway comment that Bill should be the person acting as caregiver to the random WWI soldier

a throwaway comment about not wanting to repeat himself about the smacked bottom

so that's a solid eight that run through a good part of the episode. lot of people have written about why this was bad, so I'll just say for this rating, honestly the gall specifically of m*ffat to talk about sexism of the past, when his era was taken to fucking task for that exact issue

PLOT-POINT: Bill is definitely Bill, because she has all of Bill's memories you see, and what are people but an amalgamation of memories, don't ask questions about where the Bill-with-Heather went... so Bill is dead I guess? (fuck off, she's with Heather, or maybe they had a dyke-drama falling out for a bit and they're travelling separately whatever floats your boat -- according to the giggle, her consciousness is alive and out there so!)

I note how much this episode functions for very similar purposes to Heaven Sent, but we'll get to thaaaaaat. but for one the companion is (basically) dead and functions solely for the Doctor's development in a way that feels like it wants to give a shoutout to the companion, but instead reads to me as the companion only matters for the sake of the doctor's development and not for their own story

COMPLEXITY: I like that this episode is fundamentally not about some terrible evil coming for the Doctor. there is no evil plan. I find it misses the mark on what the plan is, because it's a rehash of the idea of a big database, which m*ffat has done several time, and doesn't in any way interact with that in a way that recontextualises this idea, so clearly it wasn't an intentional callback to idk. do anything interesting with any of m*ffat's own ideas

I'm also (and yes yes I know I'm probably an outlier here) not a fan of the use of the Armistice for this plot -- which I go into down in politics, but the tl;dr is that the Armistice isn't plot so much as backdrop and politically suspect for the British tendency to completely erase why we still talk about WWI, but I shan't rehash (yes I do write these points out of order, as was probably obvious before)

and then, shocker, I also don't enjoy what this story did to Bill. I mean WEAT + Doctor Falls were messy benches in terms of Bill, but she was cool in them, and she was a character, and she did have a happy end, but this story is... hmmm

you know what this story is? basically Heaven Sent Pt.2 but less interesting or experimental, and the thing I disliked about Heaven Sent -- (gorgeous episode, beautifully acted, set, shot, Rachel Talalay who also directed this one is a fantastic director and this one looks good too, it's just... a not-very-good-script so what can she do?)

(sidenote: best artistic newness to come out of this era of who is Rachel Talalay, so happy she also directed for the specials, hope she continues on!) --

BUT the thing I disliked about Heaven Sent was that Clara was a non-entity. the idea of grief as a character just there to ask you questions, the sort of... retro-DW where companions suffered sometimes for not getting to do things other than prop up the Doctor (RIP Sarah-Jane's journalism career in her original run)... for an episode ostensibly going "ohhh look how sexist DW used to be," it sure did accidentally recreate one of the core issues with classic!who and undo m*ffat's own lore for Bill... one episode later???

ignore ignore ignoreeee.

the Doctor is once more talking with themself (and rusty and testimony) about themself, and fake!Bill is just there to help that monologue without saying anything about who Bill was

but yeah, this episode feels like a mix of m*ffat episode reduxes to me in construction, with Mark Gatiss thrown in there for... idk. something. he's not a bad actor in this, but it goes back to some feelings I have about the Armistice "plot" (see below)

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: the Doctor regenerates! pretty big one. the other big thing is that the Doctor gets their memories of Clara back. (I've gotta be honest I was confused about the not remembering Clara stuff from the 9th season, but I'll rewatch it at some point and know a bit more about where it's going. m*ffat was never very good at clarity imo)

and that! is in fact it. actually, wait, kay, a little unfair, because I kind of like the idea of an era ending on a quieter character analysis and this episode is that in terms of the Time War and the War Doctor and all those titles that the Doctor gets (several of them... during m*ffat era + did anyone use "the imp of the pandorica" in that actual season??? but they mention the Valeyard and the Oncoming Storm too), I like that this episode parks all of that and says "and actually the point is that the Doctor tries to help everyone no matter how bad things get, including in war"

so a big lore Thing is that these ideas that have haunted this era of who are at their end. a new set of ideas are coming. I think that is quite good: "The universe generally fails to be a fairytale. But that’s where we come in"

also I've been bad at acknowledging the music of this era, but did they just fuckn bring back doomsday and the tenth doctor's final song, sung by the ood into this episode???!!! HALP!!!! it does make an explicit connection between the tenth doctor's story all the way through to this point!

COMPANIONS MATTER: lol nope. gooosh I hated the wait, hold on finding my notes: "A life is just memories, I am all her memories, so I’m her." M*FFAT SHE'S ALLEGEDLY NOT EVEN DEAD WHY IS SHE SUDDENLY DEAD???!!!!! THIS NONSENSE! peak "I can still hear her voice" nonsense

non

sense

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: I mean, I can forgive a finale episode for being all about the Doctor, especially an era finale episode, but I do draw the line at the first doctor just existing to make m*ffat-era look good. I draw it! I am drawing it! gosh this has affected so many of the points lol

but yeah, the line about the fairytale again. I like that. I like Bill hugging the first doctor (out of the context of how the first doctor was written). there's a few lines here and there that go a tad too hard on "you're the only thing keeping all the universe in check" but it's not egregious like, say, s6 and s7 were about that

the Doctor deserves a monologue whilst regenerating. as a Treat

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: I have a sneaking suspicion that this episode is one of the Main Reasons I made this exact point, because of course this is the episode where we've already mentioned that the first doctor gets SLANDERED!!!! ooh I'd be tempted to rate this one even lower for this, because it not only is terrible from a "what is this saying from a meta perspective and how does it let audience members and modern British society (and m*ffat) off the hook for the very real issues with misogyny we face today"

but in terms of this particular Point on the rating system, the general use of first doctor in this story attempts to have the first doctor interact with what is going on with the twelfth doctor and how the character has developed. while I like the idea of the first doctor briefly getting an insight into their future (and then, presumably, forgetting as is general doctor who canon), the main reason for the first doctor being there is soooo self-indulgent in a bad way

(I say, the things I like are ofc self-indulgent in a good way, but argh, m*ffat should never have been allowed to get his sticky fingers on this show, or indeed, any show)

I dislike the first doctor being rewritten to fear regeneration, because it just seems like an excuse to talk about how the twelfth doctor has mixed feelings about their regeneration. it's the same reason there's a bill potts type character, that clara shows up, heck it's the same reason they depict the armistice (we'll get to that down in politics), it's weak writing of characters who aren't the twelfth doctor in order to prop up how interesting the twelfth doctor is

why bring in the first doctor like that if you weren't going to do anything interesting with him, and for that matter, if you weren't, and it was just to have a bit of fun (fair okay, that is fair, see self-indulgent point above) then why was your take on the first doctor -- the character you're bringing in for this extra special appearance -- written so disrespectfully of the character??

how many times has m*ffat brought a popular character back just to fuck with what made them likeable in the first place and flatten them into the most surface-level version of their traits (when not just wholesale inventing terrible new ones): three times?

we do get some fun moments calling back to previous doctors but the big Thing just shows once and for all that m*ffat fundamentally didn't get a lot of the show he was supposedly such a big fan of. he liked the fanfare and the big plots, but the in-depth affection for the ethos of it just wasn't there for the most part

“SEXINESS”: I marked this down a point because I do not see any reason why Bill would bring up professor/student dynamics -- it does get immediately joked away, so it's not egregious in the way it might have been back in s5 or s6. but we do have a System, so it gets mentioned

I mention here that this point definitely got better after s7a, pretty consistently so

INTERNAL WORLD: okidoki, locations locations. Antarctica, no qualms there, that is icy. second location Testimony's ship... is a rehash of Gomez!Master back in s8 which itself was a rehash of the Library in s4. What is the greatest datebase m*ffat!!??? third location is Villengard, callback! um... is it another database, wait. I genuinely am unclear about some of this. I think Rusty just happens to have access to Testimony. but also the Doctor says that the Daleks have the greatest database. so what is the truth m*ffat why so many databases!!!???

Rusty's just vibing, I guess that's fine. fourth location Armistice day WWI. I have opinions on this down in politics, but I guess yeah, there's trenches, there's... no wait does this fit here who knows but those were definitely not Germans. I'm not rating it down for that, I just think it's funny. no germans in the trenches, just british guys with bad accents

not mentioning Tardis because always perfect in every iteration *MWUAH!* to all the Tardis

I guess the question is... do all these locations connect thematically? narratively? I guess? I know hbomberguy didn't like the plottwist that there was no evil plot, but actually I'm fine with that. it's... very loosy-goosy in construction but listen I've been rating m*ffat for a few months now, and a DW fan for a lot longer than that... loosy-goosy is not a dealbreaker for me. sure they're on Villengard now, Rusty the Dalek is there. why not? although it does show how m*ffat runs soooo hard on nostalgia and easter eggs, rather than doing something new a lot of the time... peak this episode

I do agree with his general points that this era (the m*ffat era) keeps throwing in weighty speeches and big Reveals with absolutely no proper build-up or ongoing context, and that is true, but I don't think this episode is the worst for that, it's just very noticeable because it's the last one

BUT... I can see the thread from s8 to here, I can see it. from not knowing why that face to now, I can see it. sometimes it is very difficult to find, but there's something there, and Rusty to me exemplifies that. I get it, I get what you're doing here (I think you should have been more than a cameo perhaps, but I can see it and while it's a larger m*ffat writing Problem I'm strangely more chill about it right now idk. it's the end. feeling chill)

"You are a good Dalek" never sat right with me though, if I'm being honest, but again... I can see what it's trying to do

POLITICS: IT'S WWI! and we're about to have the Christmas Armistice, a famous moment in time when the soldiers put down their arms on both sides and played football on Christmas eve. it's a moment in time that evokes a lot of understandable emotion and I understand it being used here

SO NOW I'M ABOUT TO BE A FILTHY NAYSAYER:

am I being a buzzkill if I say I wasn't sold on it being used here? it's guaranteed to evoke emotions, and so it doesn't need to actually be about anything in a narrative sense. yes it saves Lethbridge-Stewart sr's life, but what I mean is that the armistice itself isn't the story and I think it should have been if it were being used, and not just function as metaphor/backdrop for something else

so what is it doing here? two things, I'd argue:

another excuse to give the Doctor a Great Big Speech, and I wasn't a fan of it: "Never happened again. Any war. Anywhere." really? the factors that went into this particular war, where the soldiers involved were at least partly aware that they were being used as political pawns fed into a meat grinder never came up again in history? nobody ever refused for a second, sat down with people they'd been told to consider enemies, never in some small way objected to the fighting and the propaganda and the violence? not once, Doctor Who? It's just kind of a poor understanding to me of why the Armistice matters as a piece of history that could be a beautiful story in the world of Who, but instead feels akin to how England fetishises the red poppies. war becomes a sort of poetic necessity, and the Armistice was beautiful and then the war continued. Family of Blood did this better when it just out and out said that it was all bullshit and people died for nothing. the Christmas Armistice wasn't important because people learnt to get along for a second, it was important because it highlighted how stupid and pointless the whole thing was

there as a backdrop to the Doctor's development as The War Doctor and wanting to not be defined by that as they move into the next era of the tale, and that is technically fine, I liked that as its own story, but again, not so much about the Armistice itself. this could have been done with another story, why the Armistice, beyond the fact it's a Christmas episode and this happened at Christmas -- all this aside, there is also a general thing with especially m*ffat-era and soldiers. I'd have to track it, but it feels like there's a lot of stories about soldiers, about the Doctor as a soldier, that aren't necessarily about why war is... bad. why the culture that breeds and celebrates war is bad. some of them I think do actually do this (especially, interestingly, in s8 which I felt was very hit or miss), again, I'd have to check, but many of them just use soldiers as random characters because it seems to be a character Type that m*ffat era enjoys

that being said, I like the idea of the Doctor wanting to redefine themself as not the War Doctor or specifically the War Doctor meaning wanting to help just one person live if possible, no matter how bad the situation. I like that as a central thesis for Twelve's era, rounding out the narrative about the Time War

next up is the sexism... sigh, okay we covered it, but it's a mark down, because of how it lets m*ffat (and by extension the viewers) off the hook of examining everything that happens today, including on the show. bastard behaviour

FULL RATING: 48/100 (if I can count….)

gosh where to begin?

m*ffat you and I are not friends, do not pass go, head to jail for six years of messing up my favourite show. that being said, some of this story was good. a lot of the artists involved in making it gave it traits that mean that on this watch, free from the need for things to work, I could focus in on what did work without nostalgia keeping me down

I do feel like this episode is like m*ffat doing a last big "fck you" at people who thought there was real potential in this last season, like all the genderbending regeneration, having a black lesbian as our co-lead who actually feels very involved in individual plots, couldn't quite get rid of all the reasons m*ffat just... kind of sucks as a creator

is that our final statement on six seasons of doctor who? hmmm, doesn't feel so satisfying to me. I'll write out a proper thing about where I left it after all this I think, to get my feelings out properly

to narrow it in on capaldi: you were a great doctor, truly put in the work to elevate the show

gomez is iconic as the master (genuinely I think my favourite next to delgado), pearl mackie stole the show in the one season she was in and I desperately want some bill potts audio adventures, rachel talalay is a great director, and I enjoyed myself

the end

next story

[thunda-bird]

Some years back when I was in nursing school, there was an issue where I failed a clinical placement as a direct result of being given an absolutely incompetent mentor. She hadn't even been a nurse at the clinical location for long enough to qualify as a mentor to student nurses; something I found out about when it was too late to change anything. This woman lied to my face. I'd ask questions, I'd always be assured by my mentor that my performance was great, but she was giving opposite feedback to the college / facility liaison supervisor. I read her feedback and there were incidents described that were utter fiction. The woman who was my mentor was just generally, an awful awful person. I got swapped between 5 different mentors in the course of a month. This was at the height of the pandemic, I'm a 2021 nursing graduate. So my lab time had already been nuked and there were practical skills I never got to practice in lab, and everyone's clinical time was already running on a "condensed" scheduled as a result. So all this time having to be spent proving my skills over and over to new mentors before they could confidently let me care for patients on my own, meant my actual useful independent on-unit time was decimated. My entire experience was botched from day one and my mental health was never worse in my life than it was during clinical placement. I just kept it getting worse and worse feedback and I felt like I was on a treadmill, i was trying as I possibly could and nothing was fixing this shitty feedback I was getting. I learned far too late that these mentors weren't giving me honest feedback to my face and they didn't give a fuck about me. I was having anxiety attacks daily by the time they told me I failed. On one of my last days on the unit, we had a patient who was prescribed Ativan and I was asking questions to my mentor about different medications. I personally have an Ativan prescription because I have severe anxiety. I was asking my mentor "Is it possible to overdose on Ativan? Could Ativan be fatal if given in excess?" and I phrased it all like genuine questions, I pretended I'd never encountered Ativan before. In reality I was trying to get my mentor to help me figure out how much Ativan I'd have to save up to kill myself.

The day before being told I failed, I already knew. I called my parents and told them "This whole thing is making me feel like I don't want to be here anymore. Do you understand what I'm talking about when I say: Don't want to be here anymore?"

They said "This is not a conversation we should be having over the phone. Pack a bag for overnight, we're coming to get you, you're staying with us tonight."

The next day, I was told I failed my placement and I'd have to redo it. Couple days after that, I got a letter in the mail from my college telling me I made Dean's List for my excellent grades that same semester and I broke down sobbing.

I needed time to save up money to pay the fee to redo clinical, and have money in the bank so I could get through 6 weeks of full-time clinical and part-time employment. Seven months later when I redid my placement, I had one mentor the entire time. She was kind, she was honest, she was incredibly knowledgeable. I told her about my previous experience once I knew she was genuine. She told me that facility where I'd done my first placement has an awful reputation for bullying among staff. My mentor told me she'd been offered a job there multiple times and instantly turned it down each time because it is infamous for its toxic, catty work environment. On the last day of my second placement, I was told I passed with flying colors and all was well. At the end of the day I walked out of the facility and I sat in my car and I broke down sobbing in the parking lot because I knew for certain that I would've graduated the first go round if they'd given me a better mentor.

I went through all the notes I'd taken throughout the entire shitshow of my first placement, I pulled out fine-print quotes from student placement handbooks and facility mentor guidelines and I wrote out in full, item-by-item, how badly they fucked up. I had full receipts: dates, times, names, everything. I requested and received a letter from my psychotherapist giving professional testimony that I was her patient, and I had suicidal ideation and extreme distress in a timeline consistent with my placement experience i.e. this is a mental health professional attesting that I was in legitimate, severe distress during sessions on these dates. I wrote out this document and stressed over it for weeks. I had my parents look over each iteration of the document; my Dad works in a HR position in the government so he knows professionalism.

What I wanted was a change to my transcript to indicate a "Withdrawal" instead of "Failure" on my first placement, and a refund of the fees I had to pay to redo it, because I attested with all this proof that these people fucked up BAD.

I submitted the document, I got an answer within minutes from the nursing coordinator at the college, saying that there's nothing they can do because I needed to submit this document within 5 days of being told I failed, to be eligible for an academic appeal hearing. I explained, hey, I didn't do that because I was ready to fucking kill myself because of how bad my first placement experience was. I applied for an extenuating circumstance in appeal submission for health reasons. It was several months of agonizing back-and-forth with all these different admin beaucratic blahblahblah at the college. They wouldn't budge. I looked into a paralegal, it was more money than I could afford to spend on pursuing the issue.

I had a lot of friends in nursing school but because failing my first placement made it so I wouldn't graduate with the rest of my class, I let those relationships fade away. I was too ashamed to tell anyone what had happened. I didn't want anyone to know I failed. I didn't go to my graduation ceremony. I contacted the college and requested they omit my name from any lists of graduates they were publishing from the semester I graduated. When my diploma came in the mail I put it in a drawer without opening the envelope. It's still there, unopened, right now.

A few months after passing my second placement, I got a job offer from the facility where I'd done that placement. I accepted it. I'm still there today. I won an award last month for outstanding feedback from patients & families, outstanding patient care.

I looked over that document the other day and I thought going into it, 'I'm now a few years removed from that bad experience. Maybe I'll look at this and see that maybe I was unreasonable or unprofessional?'

No. I imagine being a third party reading this document and the fact is, that place where I did my first placement FUCKED UP. They didn't set me up to succeed at all. The experience I had there was so fucked up, I still have a lot of issues from it that I think will continue to take a long time to heal from. It's hard to accept that there's nothing I can do about it, nothing will ever be done at this point that can set it right. It's hard to accept that sometimes people get away with being awful.

[candle-wax-and-polariods]

i have the most vivid memory of right before my tryout this past yr (did a late tryout but i ended up leaving bc of injury) and listening to YOYOK and absolutely sobbing, like i had to redo my makeup and then getting told i was trying out with a coach i was scared of (hes not mean he just coaches mostly higher level teams and im not a higher level) and replaying the entire time until i met with the coach i was actually trying out with (i wound up trying out with his co-coach instead) and replaying in my head the lyrics “i gave my blood sweat and tears for this” “everything you lose is a step you take” and “take the moment and taste it youve got no reason to be afraid your on your own kid yeah you can face this your on your on kid you always have been” those random parts of the bridge i still to this day give credit to being part of the reason i placed bc when im anxious my technique just leaves so using those peices of the bridge to calm myself really helped my technique and yea i had the skills for the level i made but the tech is still part of the placement, and without the tech i wouldn’t have wound up where i was pre injury. anyways moral of the story is that pushing through your anxiety to give somthing one last shot before you give up for good can be very good for you, yes it scary absolutely it was but it was so incredibly worth it because it grew me as a person and because my time on the team i was on was so fufilling and fun

[cursedhvn]

Yun!! Tysm for sharing your thoughts oh my god 😭💗

I'm in love. I'm a huge sucker for season references so this entire paragraph got me on my knees. It's so beautifully written too oml

Us 🤝 our love for season references, will forever be obsessed honestly.

ADELINE!! I NEED TO BE SEDATED HOLY SHIT.

Haha😭 I can't even lie, something possessed me at 1am to write this lil paragraph and I've never been the same since.

I'm crying because you used the references of all the things I love—moon, sun and icarus, seasons. Please ilysm

hehe ilysm too :(, I think this cigarette scene was probably my favourite and it was so satisfying to feel the emotions in the moment.

NEVER. QUIT. WRITING. PLEASE I BEG YOU. YOU'RE A GEM ADELINE TRUST ME. I'M AWED

I'm going to sob, this means so much to me because I absolutely adore your writing😭

Him being her Sun, while she was his Moon. Kill me now please

I KNOWWW I will always be obsessed when people view each other like this.

Fuck you Josh. Really fuck you

Josh was quite literally the embodiment of literal nightmares I've had just not as extreme so it was healing to get him out of the way ngl

I love how you portrayed their relationship with seasons omg did I say I love you?

hehe🤭 fun fact i literally had to redo scenes so the timeline could match with the seasons correctly

I'M UGLY SOBBING THIS IT ALSO THE PART YOU GAVE ME TO READ AAAAAAAAH I'M STILL CRYING BECAUSE OF HOW BEAUTIFULLY YOU WROTE IT

Oh to be loved as Yeonjun loves😞

I'm so glad you loved the gift moment, it makes me so giggly because they're so sweet

THE ENTIRE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION SEGMENT WAS SO SWEET AND HOT IT FOR ME YEARNING BRO

NGL I BLUSHED SO MUCH WRITING IT I WAS EMBARRASSED 😭

I need someone like Soobin in my life :((((

ikkk he's so supportive it makes me so sad

You're added to my list of people who'll be paying for my therapy bill

I will gladly aid in paying😌😌 (that scene was one of the first ones I wrote lol)

I just need you to know Adeline that this was incredible. No one would ever believe this is you first story. You seem like a born writer. I haven't felt such sense of comfort reading a piece before. It was just downright beautiful and serene bro. The journey of loving and healing, good lord I hope all of us can experience a love like this. I'm so so proud of you Adeline and I can't wait to read the rest of your stories too 🤍🤍

I'm going to sob. Your words mean so much to me Yun. I've admired you and your writing for so long that it's honestly so amazing to me that you've read this and I'm forever grateful. I too also hope we're able to experience love as amazing as this and thank you again for giving my work a chance!🫶🫶

When The Night Comes || Choi Yeonjun

➛Pairing // Choi Yeonjun x fem! reader

➛Word Count // 18.8k

➛Genre // university au, fluff, angst, slice of life, strangers to friends to friends with benefits to lovers.

➛Warnings // // substance use [cigarettes and weed], mental health issues [not directly stated], past trauma, suggestive language, mentions of past abuse, reader has multiple nicknames [petal, blossom], general pet names [sweetheart, gorgeous, etc]

➛Synopsis // And I hope when the night comes, we stay in limbo together, savouring this moment—ignoring the way I can no longer hold you the same under the morning gaze.

In which Choi Yeonjun finds himself entangled with you. Yearning for a deeper connection, Yeonjun has to navigate his feelings while sharing unforgettable moments with you. 

He must confront the question: does love really conquer all or will the shadows of your past prevent him from achieving the happy ending he so desperately seeks?

➛Playlist

adeline's opening ✉ - my first fic ahh >< genuinely can't believe I was able to write something like this. I'd love to thank 3 individuals actually!! @dawngyu for being such a sweetheart to me and was so supportive during the entire process, @yunverie for having the sweetest reactions to the early snippets I gave her and to my wife @just-nc-tea who read it even when it wasn't completed yet :). I love you all so much, thank you <3

I || Whispers of Spring ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

The emergence of Spring reminded Yeonjun of you. After Winter made her exit, Spring began to reveal herself—welcoming the warmth of the sun and the vibrant blooms that burst forth in preparation for her lively sister, Summer. To most, Spring signified renewal and the blossoming of new beginnings—yet to Yeonjun, Spring evoked memories of your first interaction. Like the season you possessed a cool demeanour, yet a touch of warmth remained hidden deep within you, waiting to be revealed. To Yeonjun, Spring marked the beginning of his entanglement with you.

Seeing you for the first time felt like a breath of fresh air.  It was the first year of college and you were sitting on a bench near the quadrangle nursing a cigarette while you listened to Beomgyu, someone he got acquainted with in one of his earlier classes. Your presence was undeniable—despite your intimidating aura, Yeonjun thought you were gorgeous. The way the sunlight caught your eyes, the slight curve of your lips when Beomgyu said something funny, captivated him—your entire being captivated him, like a magnetic pull, drawing Yeonjun in. He couldn't deny his immediate attraction to you. 

Over the years, Yeonjun’s attraction to you blossomed more than he would’ve imagined. Naturally, he and Beomgyu became friends through their shared classes; every mention of you from Beomgyu made his heart leap for joy, his interest in you seemed to deepen with every blurb of information he was told about you. Despite his extroverted nature, Yeonjun always shied away at the idea of talking to you. In a world where everyone wanted to be the Sun, to him, you were the Moon—unreachable, only to be admired from afar.

Your first interaction with Yeonjun remained etched into his being. Amidst the chaos of the party, there you were, clinging to the corner, as if the walls themselves whispered secrets to you. It was the final party of Sophomore year, and despite the drink in your hand, you seemed more sober than tipsy. Even though you appeared nervous, you seemed to maintain a steady conversation with Beomgyu, smiling at his antics.

While all eyes were on him, Yeonjun couldn't help but focus on you. In that moment, the lights reflected on your skin, causing you to illuminate a soft glow almost as if you were the Moon—so close, yet unattainable. Your unapproachable aura always left Yeonjun yearning for more—wanting to explore your secrets, unravel your complexities, yet treat your body as a sacred temple, whispering silent prayers hoping that you might grant him a taste of the salvation you had to offer.

Despite the season, the moment the cold air enveloped you as you stepped onto the balcony, it felt as if Death itself embraced you—a biting cold that seeped into your bones. A cigarette found solace between your lips, dulling Death’s grip on you, allowing you a moment of respite. The first drag was bittersweet—despite the warmth it brought to you, you couldn't help but be reminded of why you hoped to quit in the first place.

The second drag felt tantalizing—tormenting you on the goals you're unable to achieve, reminding you that quitting meant letting go of the only thing that connected you to your past—like a noose around your neck, unable to be free of the comfort the addiction brings you. The third drag was interrupted—Yeonjun, the party’s main guest, enters, glowing, as if he were the Sun itself and you, Icarus, destined to fly too close and be burned.

You’ve seen him around campus before—always surrounded by some form of company, as if he were a flame that drew people in like moths. Known for his charisma and talent, Yeonjun was never a bore—from what Beomgyu told you, he was also a giant sweetheart despite what people may think. In contrast, you found solitude in flowers, the silent messages they conveyed, and the untold stories weaved between their leaves. With each bloom, a message waiting to be relayed.

With a final drag, you crushed the remnants of your cigarette as you turned to face Yeonjun as he approached—his raven-coloured hair cascading along his neck, eyes filled with something akin to wonder, “Is the party too much for you?” he asked.

As you wrapped your arms around yourself, you responded, “Beomgyu drained all the energy out of me.” You paused, glancing away, “I needed to sober up before I decided to leave.” 

“But it’s only 12 am! The party has barely started, Pretty,” Yeonjun pouted, his expression playful.

“Unlike you, I have the social battery of a Plum Blossom. Alcohol can only help me so much,” you replied, ignoring the way the nickname made you uneasy.

“A Plum Blossom?” he asked, surprised.

As heat rushed to your cheeks, you clarified, “The flower. They symbolize loneliness, so to an extent, I like being alone.”

Smirking, Yeonjun leaned in slightly, “Then what flower am I?”

“A sunflower,” you said softly as your gaze fell to the ground, “you’re bright, warm and approachable with loads of energy.” As you turned to leave, you felt embarrassed having shared so much about flowers. Despite this, you looked back to give Yeonjun a non-verbal goodbye, only to find him placing his jacket around your shoulders.

Instantly, his scent surrounds you—grapefruit with undertones of incense and jasmine—pleasant, but not overwhelming. The jacket was a touch too big but like his personality, it immediately warmed you—almost as if it were a talisman, warding off Death’s embrace.

Confusion etched across your features as he smiled sweetly, “An excuse for me to see you again. You’re friends with Gyu, right? So, we’re bound to see each other on campus. I hope to see you soon Blossom,” he added before making his way back on the dance floor as if the entire interaction had been a casual exchange. 

Embarrassingly, you've avoided seeing Yeonjun for a month. Despite your desire to return his jacket, you've steered clear of places you knew he frequented, only staying within the confines of your safe space—the University's greenhouse. Beomgyu teased you about it, relishing the idea of his two friends interacting—you however dreaded the thought of seeing him again. 

It's not that your first interaction with him was terrible: it's just that to you, Yeonjun was the Sun—ethereal and radiant while someone like you, was too broken to be seen with someone like him.

“You know you can't avoid him forever, right?” Beomgyu started one day, leaning against the table as you watered the orchids. “He asked me for you, asking if I'm coming to see you in your little hideout,” he teased.

“It's not a hideout,” you mumbled, focusing on the delicate flowers, “It's just that, he shines so brightly, I don't think I deserve to be in the same space as him, Cookie. He shouldn't waste his time on someone like me.”

Beomgyu sighed, his expression softening, “You're more than worth it, Petal. Don't let your past define you, you're more than that. You shine just as brightly; anyone would be lucky to get to know you.”

You placed the watering can down as tears welled in your eyes. You've known Beomgyu since you both were in elementary school—he's been with you at your worst, from the loss of your brother when you were fifteen to your parents abandoning you at sixteen, leaving you to navigate in a world that moved on too quickly, denying you a chance to grieve. He's witnessed the aftermath of your last relationship, the way that even in his death, your ex haunted you, leaving you shattered.

Giving you a side hug, Beomgyu continued, “I know it's hard, but give him a chance. Yeonjun’s a nice guy. Even if it takes time for you to get close as friends, he'll understand.”

You had really hoped that could be true, but the fear and anxiety wrapped around you, made you hesitate. Deep down, you really wanted to believe things could turn out differently.

Your second interaction made Yeonjun feel alive; nostalgic even—you're with a cigarette again as you sat with Beomgyu, talking. Despite not having seen you in months, Yeonjun couldn't help but think you're even more gorgeous than when he first met you—his feelings resurfacing almost as if it had never truly left.  You were glowing—you seem more animated that day; happy in the bubble you're currently in, laughing at the antics Beomgyu is doing—your rosy cheeks contrasting the chilly weather.

With a newfound sense of confidence, Yeonjun decided to approach you both—hoping his presence doesn’t cause this side of your personality to be stored away again.

“Gyu, hey!” Yeonjun said as he made his way over with his gaze fixed on you. He noticed the surprise in your eyes at his presence and he finds it adorable—the way your smile softened, and your nose scrunched at his arrival made him feel as if he were in heaven. 

“Hey man,” Beomgyu said as he greeted him with a high-five. “You’ve never met Petal, right? She’s like a sister to me, so this is me formally introducing you.” He smiled as he ruffled your hair.

“Nice to meet you Petal," Yeonjun smirked slightly, “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

With furrowed brows, you gently pushed Beomgyu as you quietly told Yeonjun your name with a shy smile.

After a brief moment of silence, Beomgyu suddenly jumped up, “I just remembered I had to print an assignment for my next class,” Giving your arm a squeeze, he continued, “Later guys! I'll see you for lunch, Petal!” as he ran off towards the library. 

As you both waved goodbye to Beomgyu, Yeonjun took a seat next to you, his eyes sparkled with anticipation as you handed him a gift bag.

“Your hoodie,” you stated, “and a pressed sunflower, as an apology for taking so long to get it back to you.”

“You didn't have to get me an apology, Blossom,” Yeonjun replied as he took out the pressed sunflower, admiring it—it's beautiful, he thinks. The pressed sunflowers are carefully confined within a picture frame ensuring its beauty is preserved—recalling your first encounter he thinks it's endearing that you gave him one.

“You did this yourself?” he asked, genuinely impressed. 

As you nodded in response, Yeonjun noticed you watching him as he continued to admire your work, sensing the care you put into it.

To others, this may seem like a superficial interaction between two people—but to Yeonjun, this was the beginning of something more. Like a budding flower, this relationship had potential to blossom into something truly beautiful and fulfilling.

Over the next few months, your interactions with Yeonjun became more frequent. He began having lunch with you and Beomgyu more often, even visiting the greenhouse whether Beomgyu was there or not. At first, you were hesitant to open up, your budding relationship destined to remain stunted—with a lack of food it seemed inevitable to fall apart, but Yeonjun's warm smile and genuine interest in your life slowly chipped away at your defences.

At first, it started small—Yeonjun began to join you and Beomgyu in the cafeteria for lunch, a simple action that spoke volumes to you. 

“What's your favourite book?” he asked one day. Evident hesitation on your features left you unsure of how to respond, but Beomgyu chimed in, “Oh, Petal absolutely loves mythology and folklore! Especially stories deeply rooted in romance and symbolism.” As Beomgyu ruffled your hair teasingly, Yeonjun looked at you, his eyes lighting up, “Be sure to tell me about them next time, yeah? Especially your favourite.” With a shy smile and heat rising to your cheeks you nodded as the remainder of lunch fell into a quiet, casual conversation between you three.

In the following weeks, Yeonjun’s visits to the greenhouse became a daily occurrence, often bringing you a coffee or a sweet snack you liked. Some days were quiet, others were filled with sweet conversation between you two—you, explaining the nuances of flower language while he listened intently, admiring the way you carefully tended to each flower.

“I brought these for you today,” Yeonjun said as his eyes sparkled while he entered, handing you a small bouquet of beautifully arranged red chrysanthemums and white roses with a tiny bag of freshly baked cookies. “I'm sure you'll understand the message I'm trying to convey.” Your blush deepened as Yeonjun smiled softly at you, “And the cookies were something Soobin and I made earlier. Wanted to give you some. The cookies taste good though! Even though Soobin helped, I made sure everything was edible in the end,” he smiled cutely as he sat next to you on the bench. You felt a flutter in your chest as you accepted the gift, feeling a sense of gratitude towards him.

The times when the greenhouse was filled with you, Beomgyu and Yeonjun, it became livelier—the flowers embracing the energy that surrounded them. Beomgyu watched from the sidelines as the conversation naturally got quieter, he smiled at the way Yeonjun looked at you, with a look of adoration, unmatched. “I'm glad the two of you are getting along,” he commented, his voice filled with warmth. “It's nice to see my two best friends get along.”

In the confines of the greenhouse—amongst the laughter and quieter moments, it became a safe house—a sanctuary where your blossoming friendship with Yeonjun was nurtured into a young seedling full of life and vigour. The way Yeonjun listened, really listened, made you feel valued—it felt nice to be heard, to be seen, to feel as if you were human like everyone else even if your past tried to tell you otherwise.

And with Spring coming to an end, the vibrant colours surrounding you mirrored the warmth of your connection; as the last petals of the season began to fall, you both stood on the precipice of something beautiful—ready to embrace the Summer of your hearts with open arms.

II || A Glimpse of Heaven ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

The next time Yeonjun saw you, you were at a party again but this time it's the beginning of Autumn—unlike your first meeting.

After the sweltering heat of Summer, Autumn's crisp air made him feel alive—her leaves, painted in hues of auburn and crimson, dancing gently in the breeze, creating a nostalgic atmosphere that somewhat felt romantic, contrasting the solemnity of Winter that steadily approached.

This time, he saw you on the dance floor, which was surprising considering your withdrawn personality—your body language was comfortable, with relaxed shoulders, you swayed with Beomgyu to the music, surrounded by other attendants of the party. Yeonjun was mesmerized. The way you handled yourself even in this moment felt addicting to him—he couldn’t resist staring at you as you sipped on your drink, giggling at something Beomgyu whispered to you over the music before you made direct eye contact with him.

He couldn't help but feel shy as he felt the way heat rushed to his cheeks, still, he waved at you from across the room. In response, your eyes shone with excitement which Yeonjun assumed was due to the alcohol, but he felt giddy at the idea of you being happy to see him.

Despite the moments you shared over the last few months, Yeonjun still wasn't sure on where the relationship was headed. Still staring, Yeonjun saw you whisper something to Beomgyu as you stepped outside, onto the same balcony where you first talked last Spring—and Yeonjun, he couldn't stop himself from following.

As you placed your joint between your lips, you fished for your lighter in your purse—you don’t smoke weed often, the relaxed feeling you got, usually became too much for you—but in this moment is felt like a reward for overcoming Summer and enjoying yourself even if the anxiety remained in the back of your mind. 

Annoyed, you realized you left your lighter home, causing you to cut your celebration short—or so you thought, like last Spring, Yeonjun met you on the balcony again. He had a glow to him, a little different than usual—maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's something else, but whatever it is that made him look like he had the Moon, made him look even more beautiful to you.

“Do you have a light?” You asked. “It seems like I forgot my lighter home and I wanted to celebrate,” you stated, the pout evident in your voice as you gestured to your joint.

Leaning in, you allowed Yeonjun to light the joint—the proximity between you two allowed you to get a whiff of his cologne, this time it's stronger, instead of the jasmine and incense undertones, it's woodier with undertones of sage and pomegranate—its addicting you think, it made Yeonjun even more captivating to you, spellbinding almost. It made you want to ravish him in ways that you rather not explain—despite forming something akin to a friendship, the little moments you shared made you hope for something more. As the THC began to enter your bloodstream, you passed the joint to Yeonjun as smoke filled the air.

“What’s the cause for celebration, Pretty?” Yeonjun asked as he took up the offer on the joint, allowing its warmth to surround him. 

“Just cause,” you stated, as you giggle, the alcohol and weed beginning to take effect, “Anything can be a celebration,” you continued as the joint found its way between your lips again. 

The music in the background set the mood for the conversation between you and Yeonjun—in your own bubble you conversed about celebrations and for once, you felt happy without anxiety eating you up inside.

As the night progressed, Yeonjun invited you to continue the celebration at his place, making you feel giddy inside, being cross faded didn't allow you to overthink the situation. Before leaving with Yeonjun, you made sure to let Beomgyu know of your whereabouts. He doesn't let you go before teasing you a bit, his eyes glimmering with mischief at the thought of the two of you being alone together. 

After taking an Uber, you and Yeonjun arrived at his place. Nervousness bubbled within you, you didn't expect Yeonjun to invite someone like you to his apartment. Settling on the couch, the two began to sober up as music played in the background, its soft melodies mingling with the ambient lighting within the room, setting the mood. 

For the next hour, you conversed about mundane things—you shared stories about the new flower you're tending to while Yeonjun animatedly told you of his love for pottery.

Despite the TV flickering in the background, you couldn't help but notice Yeonjun's gaze lingering on your lips for a moment longer than it should. The way the proximity between you two closed in just slightly, felt electric. Your knees brushing against each other made you feel excited—in your little moment things felt easy, the comfort that surrounded the atmosphere was like no other, wrapping its arms around you, shielding you from the outside world.

“May I kiss you?” Yeonjun whispered, his voice low and filled with longing as he gently twirls a strand of your hair, “It's just that, you’re so addicting; I can't help but want you.” With a mixture of desire and sincerity, his eyes searched for yours—causing your heart to race with excitement and anticipation as the tension thickened.

Not trusting your own voice, you nodded, granting him permission. As his hands found their way on your face, he caressed the apples of your cheeks—glancing at your lips, before locking eyes with you again. With blown-out pupils, he searched for any signs of hesitance from you. Once satisfied, Yeonjun closed the gap—his lips against yours are softer than you expected. The kiss itself was amazing—to you, it felt better than fireworks—it felt as if your souls were intertwined, surrounded by bursts of colours. The way Yeonjun held you sent shivers down your spine—gentle, as if he was scared to break you, yet also scared to lose you.

Running your hands through his hair, you deepened the kiss, feeling more alive than you did before. The moment made you feel giddy, yet anxious, the weed in your systems further amplifying the experience. As you pulled away, laughter bubbled between you, euphoria rushing through your veins. The second kiss is more desperate, as if you were afraid of disappearing from each other's grasp.

Breaking the kiss, your foreheads touched—the only sounds are the TV and music in the background, mixed in with your heavy breathing. “Do you want to continue this upstairs?” Yeonjun asked, his gaze locked onto yours, the unspoken feelings dancing around you.

“I'd love to,” you whispered, almost as if you were afraid of shattering the moment.

“Are you sure?” Concern flickered in his eyes. “We can stop here if you want.”

Leaning in, you pecked his lips softly, smiling as you said, “I've never been more sure about something in my life.”

The morning after was quiet—the early morning light seeped into the room, giving you an undeniable glow. Yeonjun felt as if he’s on top of the world—with you beside him, dressed in his shirt, a gentle reminder of the night you shared. He thought you look beautiful like this, in his clothes—even in your tranquil state, Yeonjun can't help but gaze at you in wonder.

Every aspect of the night before remained in the forefront of his mind. From the moment on the balcony to the conversations in his apartment—Yeonjun couldn't get rid of the grin on his face. The way you smiled at him throughout the night, the way your eyes sparkled with joy as you maintained conversation had him captivated. The moment your lips met, it felt as if the world had faded away—you ignited something within him that Yeonjun didn't know existed, a feeling deep down that made him want to savour every moment with you. He remembered the way your bodies intertwined—the way he lost himself in you, the way he was finally able to worship you. The shared breaths and whispered words, a moment he wished he could inscribe into his very being.

As a cool breeze makes its way into the room, it caused you to unconsciously reach out for him, making his heart leap for joy. With you beside him, Yeonjun believed he could conquer anything. As your body instinctively stayed close to him, he couldn't help but smile, he wondered if you would want more from the relationship—at least, he hoped you did.

Contrary to what people thought on campus, despite his undeniable popularity, Yeonjun was a lover boy at heart. He never indulged in the idea of hookups or meaningless relationships, he always valued something deeper. But when it came to you, Yeonjun felt all logic go out the window—he couldn't help but want to go against his values if it meant he got to stay beside you. He wasn’t sure about your views on relationships, but Yeonjun hoped you’d want something more with him.

Scared that the moment might be ruined, Yeonjun decided to be a bit selfish. Even if it was just for a while, he held you a little closer, fantasizing about the idea of you being together. He wasn't sure what would happen when you woke up, but for now, Yeonjun enjoyed the proximity between you two, the warmth of your skin against his. Without a doubt, he was scared—scared that from this moment on, things wouldn't be the same with you, and his chances of having you might have already slipped away.

Waking up, your nostrils were filled with a pleasant scent of coffee, its rich aroma filling the room. As you gathered your bearings, you rubbed your eyes and sat up. Your body ached pleasantly as you thought of what had occurred between you and Yeonjun the night before—flushing as the memories replayed in your mind. Although you hated to admit it, you had never felt so wanted in your life. You remembered the way Yeonjun’s hands adorned your body—the way he treated you as if you were a sacred item. Even when you told him he could be rougher, Yeonjun couldn't help but be gentle with you, as if you were a gift so delicate it could break—the way he whispered sweet nothings in your ear as he made love to you was something foreign to you, and it scared you. 

In the back of your mind, the words of Josh, your ex, plagued you, reminding you that you were nothing more than a body for men to use. The more you thought of Yeonjun, the louder the voice became—as if it was mocking you for the happiness you so selfishly sought. You hated your ex and the power he still held over you despite being six feet under. The way his rough hands made you feel still haunted you, the way it felt to be a puppet while he was the master—the way he treated you like nothing but a doll, the way—

“Hey, you okay?” Yeonjun asked,  as he peeked his head into the room. He gazed at you softly with concern, “I made us breakfast. I'll give you a sec to freshen up, and you can meet me downstairs.” He left you alone and suddenly your once festering thoughts retreated—afraid to reveal themselves almost as if Yeonjun were their kryptonite.

Breakfast felt suffocating. Yeonjun sat at the kitchen table, the scent of freshly brewed coffee, kimbap, and kimchi pancakes wafting through the air. He glanced at you, seated across from him—your hair dishevelled from the night before, your eyes weary and still in the process of waking up. The sight made his heart flutter despite the awkwardness that swirled in the air.

For once, Yeonjun didn't know how to begin the conversation—the only thought occupying his mind was you.

“Last night…you were amazing,” he began, his voice shaky. “Every moment we spent together, I enjoyed it. Even before this happened, your presence always captivated me. This just made me feel more connected to you.”

Surprise flickered in your eyes, causing you to momentarily choke on your coffee, “Yeah, it was nice,” clearing your throat, trying to make your tone casual, “I think that was the best night I’ve ever had.” Despite your praise, Yeonjun can't help but feel the tension that lay beneath your words.

Taking a deep breath, Yeonjun tried again, “I really like you, Blossom. Like, really like you.” His heart raced, the words tumbled out before he had a chance to think, “I know we've been talking for a while, but I would love to get to know you on a deeper level, if you'll allow me to.”

The surprise was evident in your eyes as you looked up, then it faded into something more guarded, almost scared. “Yeonjun, I—” you hesitated, causing Yeonjun to visibly deflate, the anxiety creeping in as he braced for your response.

“I can't promise you a relationship,” you continued, causing Yeonjun’s stomach to drop, a lump forming in his throat, “But, if you want, we can keep things simple—a friends with benefits arrangement? I promise not to do any sort of written agreement; it's just right now I'd prefer something with no strings attached. I'm sorry.”

Despite Yeonjun's desire for something more, he considered your suggestion. Even though it completely went against his voice on reason, he rather hold on to the physical connection for now than lose you entirely.

Running his hands through his hair, “I can do that,” he replied, even if the words on his tongue felt like a dagger slowly twisting into his heart. “I am giving you full disclosure that I'm still interested in you, not just…this.”

For a moment, your gaze lingered on him, making Yeonjun’s throat tighten. “I appreciate your honesty, Yeonjun. But for right now, I really don't think I can handle something deeper. I'm sorry.”

Nodding, breakfast resumed as if everything was normal. The tense atmosphere still lingered, but it gradually faded into something different—the unspoken understanding hung in the air, words and lingering glances between you and Yeonjun made him feel as if the arrangement would be more than what he bargained for.

Slowly, you fell into conversation, your small smile brightening as you complimented his cooking, “I didn't know you could cook like this Yeonjun! These kimchi pancakes taste amazing.” The way you giggled as if the prior conversation had never occurred, hurt Yeonjun in a way that he's never felt before. Despite the dull ache in his chest, he couldn't help but gaze at you lovingly, forever captivated by your presence.

For once, Yeonjun is grateful that Soobin wasn't home for the weekend. He'd hate having to explain the current state of affairs—not only the tension in their shared apartment but also in his heart. The thought of Soobin questioning him made him shudder.

As you continued to chat, talking about your plans for the day Yeonjun found himself stuck between two worlds; in one world he's with you, a smile adorning you face as you share breakfast and in another he's in his head, hoping that somehow the gods above would grant him grace, and maybe, just maybe this arrangement could lead to something more.

But as he takes a sip of his coffee, its bitter taste reminded him of his reality—with the boundaries you've set, Yeonjun has to thread carefully, balancing his feelings, even if it hurts him in the end. For now, he decides to savour these moments, even if it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

After breakfast, Yeonjun drove you home, the car was filled with a comfortable silence with the soft hum of the radio. As you found yourself lost in thought, you glanced over at Yeonjun, watching the way his eyes shone as he hummed along to the melody—his fingers tapping against the steering wheel, matching the rhythm. You pondered over this morning's events—Yeonjun making you breakfast, the way he expressed his desire for wanting something more, which both excited and scared you. Even in this moment, Yeonjun radiated a warmth like no other, his presence, even in such a serene moment was immaculate. 

As he catched your gaze, he smiled brightly—leaving an unbearable flutter in your chest, reminding you that the arrangement itself is more than you deserve. In the back of your mind, memories of your ex nagged at you—reminding you of the way he belittled you, reducing you to nothing but an object of desire. A relationship built on sand, destined to crumble; he made you feel invisible, your feelings and interests insignificant as it had no bearing on the satisfaction you gave him—leaving you, a hollow shell of your former self.

As Yeonjun pulled into the driveway of your apartment, the engine's soft purr and the tunes from the radio, created a moment of tranquillity. In the passenger seat you watched Yeonjun, drinking in the way the sunlight gave him an undeniable glow. “Thanks for driving me home, Yeonjun, and breakfast. It was amazing,” your voice, feathery, like the air.

Yeonjun turned to face you, his eyes filled with warmth, “It was a pleasure having you, Blossom. I enjoyed having you over,” the softness in his voice spreading warmth throughout your body.

Suddenly, his gaze made you feel shy, a blush creeping up on your cheeks. “I should get going now,” you murmured, fumbling with your seatbelt. “I'm sure Beomgyu is waiting for me.” As you unbuckled, Yeonjun leaned across, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. Your breath hitched at the unexpected intimacy. Before you could fully process what happened Yeonjun leaned in, kissing you tenderly.

Despite your surprise, you welcomed the kiss, relishing in the feeling—his hand cradling your chin, pulling you closer while your hands instinctively gripped his shirt.

Pulling away, a playful grin adorned Yeonjun’s face, “I hope to see you soon, Pretty.” 

“See you soon, Yeonjun,” you replied with flushed cheeks as you stepped out of the car, waving goodbye as he drove off.

“Woah, what was that?” A voice called from behind you, pulling you from your thoughts. You turned around, mortified, coming face to face with Beomgyu who leaned casually against your front door, his eyes glimmering with mischief.

“Gyu! When did you get here?” you exclaimed, wishing the ground would swallow you whole.

Beomgyu chuckled, clearly amused, “Sorry to break it to you Petal, but I've been here since Yeonjun drove in. Was wondering when he'd bring you back.” His teasing tone made your cheeks flush even more.

Unable to muster a response, the bag in your hand, once forgotten, suddenly felt heavier. “You know,” Beomgyu teased, leaning in closer, “you can't hide anything from me, right? Especially after that kiss. Let's get you inside,” He said as he took the bag from you, “How about we have some ramyeon and talk about it, yeah?”

Unable to resist ramyeon with Beomgyu, you nodded eagerly. As you made your way next to him, he ruffled your hair, “I can't believe I saw you kissing Choi Yeonjun! Who would've thought?”

You laughed slyly, teasingly pushing Beomgyu as you made your way into the apartment. 

Amidst the laughs echoing within the confines of your apartment, you and Beomgyu settled on the floor, slurping your ramyeon as you recalled the time you spent with Yeonjun, sparing him the explicit details. Moments like these allowed you to cherish your friendship—its warmth wraps around you like a swaddling cloth, reminding you of your appreciation for your best friend.

III || Changing Seasons ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

Like the season, as Autumn progressed, and the air grew colder in preparation for Winter—so did Yeonjun's relationship with you. The start of your arrangement felt shy, filled with fleeting glances and even shyer touches. It felt ironic that you and Yeonjun were shy with each other despite having explored each other before. 

Despite the initial shyness, Yeonjun took you to stargaze one evening—determined to maintain your friendship, even if you have seen each other naked. 

Settling on the soft blanket spread across the grass, the world around you felt idyllic—the evening sky coloured an indigo hue, adorned with the sparkles of countless stars. The moment felt protected, almost as if the gods themselves were watching over you, ensuring your moment of peace.

As you both lied down, you snuggled close to Yeonjun, using his arm as a pillow. It made his heart race—the proximity between you two highlighted your scent, with undertones of lilac and cinnamon, Yeonjun couldn’t help but feel his focus falter, lost in the warmth of your presence. 

“Look at that,” Yeonjun whispered in your ear, pointing upwards. “That's Pisces, the two fishes are swimming in opposite directions.”

“Yeah?” you replied, looking up at him, your eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

“Yeah,” Yeonjun smiled softly, booping your nose as he looked at you. Your laugh in response was light and melodic, reminding him of a choir of angels.

“And over there,” you pointed out this time. “That's Andromeda, right?”

Yeonjun looked down at you smiling, “Yeah, the princess who was saved by Perseus.” For a moment, he paused, contemplating the weight of his next words, “Do you think they're us?” Yeonjun whispered, his voice laced with curiosity.

“Do you save me from a sea monster?” You joked, eyes glimmering with mischief.

“Maybe,” Yeonjun replied, pulling you closer as the air grew serious. “Just like Perseus fought for Andromeda, I'll fight for you. In every lifetime, I'll slay your metaphorical sea monster, once it means I get to have you.”

Instantly, you sat up, looking back at Yeonjun in shock, “Jjun…” you mumbled, tears forming in your eyes, a mix of disbelief and overwhelming emotions. The sincerity behind his declaration caused your heart to swell, hardly believing his words you wondered, could it be true? In every lifetime? The thought fills you with hope but also a flutter of anxiety at the idea of someone wanting you that badly.

Yeonjun brought you back down, allowing you to face each other. “I mean it,” he whispered, even quieter. “In every lifetime, I'd fight for you.” 

The air became thick with unspoken words, the magnetic pull drew you closer together. You felt the warmth radiating from him, the sincerity in his gaze made your heart race. Slowly, you leaned in, your lips brushing against his in a tender, tentative kiss.

You pulled away, breathless, searching his eyes for something more—with a blush adorning your cheeks, you smile shyly, “You really mean that?”

“Every word.” Yeonjun affirmed with confidence and sincerity, “I'd face anything for you.”

Under the twilight sky, it felt as if everything else faded into nothingness and only the two of you remain, lost in each other—the twinkling stars above witness your love, the beginning of a beautiful journey together.

Winter arrived in full force—as she finally settled, claiming her throne, the air felt crisp as she covered the Earth in soft layers of white. As the snowflakes danced with one another in the air, it felt as though they represented the relationship between you and Yeonjun—a transformative moment between you two, where shy touches turned into confident ones.

Snowflakes drifted lazily outside your window, reminding you of the warmth that you yearned for during the season. It was Christmas week, and Beomgyu had been urging you for weeks to come home since his family hadn't seen you for a while. Despite missing them, you decided to spend Christmas alone this year—a solemn feeling settling in as you looked back on the year gone by.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home this year, Petal?” Beomgyu asked again, his voice glimmering with hope as he got ready to leave. “Mom and dad miss you, even my annoying brother misses seeing your face.” he pouted as he held onto your arm.

Reassuring him you replied, “I’m sure, Cookie. I want you all to enjoy time on your own.” You offered him a small smile, hoping to ease his worries. “I'll be okay. I promise. If it gets too lonely, I'll spend time with Yeonjun.”

Despite his distaste, Beomgyu doesn't push you further—he pulled you into a tight hug, his warmth enveloping you. “I can't believe this is our first Christmas apart. I'll miss you, Petal.”

“I'll miss you too, Cookie. Take care and enjoy Christmas for me,” you said, as you watched him leave.

Closing the door, you thought of ways to decorate the apartment. Even though you didn't feel the Christmas spirit, you began to gather old decorations to get yourself into the holiday mood.

On Christmas Eve, however, Yeonjun messaged you, asking you if he could come over. This year, he decided to spend Christmas on campus, and with Soobin going home this year, he felt a bit lonely. Welcoming the idea of two lonely souls being together for the holidays, Yeonjun was now sitting in your apartment, the two of you cuddling under blankets, watching nostalgic Christmas movies and sipping hot cocoa. The air was thick with the scent of pine and cinnamon creating an atmosphere that almost felt domestic—the way you both eased into each other, as if it has always been that way. As the months went by, your relationship changed, where friends became something deeper, yet neither of you refused to acknowledge the change. 

As midnight arrives, Yeonjun goes to the Christmas tree you had decorated days prior and reached for your gift. He turned to you, eyes sparkling with adoration, warmth and a touch of nervousness, “Merry Christmas, Blossom. It isn't much, but I wanted to get you something that reminded me of our time together.

As he handed you the gift, you admired the way it's wrapped—the care radiating from it. With a shy smile, you slowly unwrapped the present, revealing a delicate gold necklace, adorned with a sunflower and blossom pendant. Reminding you of your first interaction together, tears pricked at your eyes. “It's beautiful,” you breathed, touched by Yeonjun’s thoughtfulness as it showed you how much he valued the relationship you had built thus far.

“Put it on for me?” you asked, smiling cutely at Yeonjun with sparkling eyes. As you handed Yeonjun the necklace and turned around, his hand touched you almost teasingly, as he fastened it around your neck—his hands lingered a moment longer than necessary, but you didn't mind the warmth from his fingertips.

As you turned back around, you reached up to him, giving him a tender kiss. Feeling the way his breath hitched in response, sent a thrill through you. Immediately, he responded to you, pulling you closer—the air thick with unspoken feelings. As he deepened the kiss, it became more passionate, more sensual, more urgent. A soft sigh escaped you as Yeonjun, savoured your taste in the moment, your natural bittersweetness mingling with remnants of the hot cocoa from earlier, creating a unique flavour.

Before things could go further, you pulled away, giggling at the way Yeonjun pouted at you. “Wait, let me give you your gift too!” you said excitedly as you made your way to the tree, picking up a medium sized box adorned with a blue and white bow.

“What is it?” Yeonjun asked, his eyes glimmering with curiosity as you handed him the box.

“Open it, silly!” you giggled, playfully slapping his arm, a mix of excitement and nervousness bubbling within you.

As Yeonjun opened the box, his eyes seemed to shine brighter than they ever did before. Pulling out a beautifully knitted sweater and matching scarf—its purple and blue yarn interchanging to form a beautiful blend that brings out his complexion, your love felt in every stitch.

“Wow,” he breathed, slipping the sweater on, “You made this?”

Heat slowly crept onto your cheeks, “Yeah! I wanted to make you something you could use. To keep you warm during the Winter,” you replied shyly.

Yeonjun’s expression softened as he wrapped the scarf around himself, “And it's the perfect fit too. Thank you, Blossom. This is the best gift ever; no one has ever made me something like this before. I love it, really.”

With that, Yeonjun leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead, then on your nose, a kiss for each cheek before finally settling on your lips. Unlike the kiss before, this one felt innocent—full of unconditional love, as if Yeonjun was trying to transfer all his feelings into that one kiss. 

He pulled back for a moment, gazing lovingly into your eyes, before holding your face tenderly and kissing you slowly again. As you gripped his sweater, you returned the kiss, hoping your emotions were transferred too. 

As the snow began to fall, the two of you continued to kiss in the middle of your apartment, the glow of the Christmas lights adoring both your features. With love filling the air, you shared an unforgettable Christmas—a moment that showed the blossoming of journey together.

Yeonjun made your apartment his home for the next week—relishing in the domestic moments together, from sharing the same bed to cooking meals together, you and Yeonjun enjoyed your time escaping from the world. Instead of attending a New Year’s Eve party, you both decided to spend the night together—savouring the intimacy that formed between you.

 As the clock inched closer to midnight, you found yourselves on the balcony outside your room, swaying gently to the soft melody in the background. Holding you close, Yeonjun admired you—with the snowflakes adoring your hair and fairy lights from your room, casting a soft glow on your face, he thought you looked ethereal, almost like an angel.

“You're the best thing that happened to me,” he said, breaking the comfortable silence that formed between you.

Looking up at him, your eyes wide with disbelief, “How so?” 

“It's just that…ever since I met you, I've never felt more alive. I feel like I can finally breathe.” Yeonjun paused, looking down at you, gauging your reaction. You seem content in the moment, staying close to him as you continued to sway. “You make me feel alive. Every moment I spend with you, I cherish. Almost as if I'm afraid to lose you,” he admitted embarrassment colouring his cheeks.

You stopped swaying, your gaze locking onto his, your eyes melancholic, “You won’t lose me Jjun. I promise.”

A sad smile tugged at Yeonjun’s lips as he hoped to believe you. Yet, in the back of his mind, a mocking voice reminded him that it was only an arrangement—nothing more, nothing less. Ignoring it, Yeonjun focused on the warmth of the moment, determined to live in the present.

As the countdown played softly from the TV in your room, you and Yeonjun picked up your wine glasses, excitement bubbling between you as you joined the countdown, gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Ten…nine…eight…” With each number, the anticipation grew and once the countdown reached zero, Yeonjun immediately pulled you into a sweet kiss, his glass resting forgotten on the table beside you.

“Happy New Year, Blossom,” he murmured against your lips, voice thick with emotion. 

Pulling back slowly, you rest your drink next to him before you shyly pecked his lips, “Happy New Year, Sunflower. Thank you for starting the new year with me.”

Laughing softly, Yeonjun responded, “Of course, there’s no one else I'd rather spend New Year’s with than you.”

In that moment, surrounded by the soft glow of the lights and the gentle snowfall, the weight of the world felt momentarily lifted. No one knew what the future held, but despite the uncertainty, you had each other, and for now, that was enough. 

For the remainder of Winter break, Yeonjun was able to encourage you to spend it at his apartment.

Currently, you both were in the kitchen, the soft hum of holiday music filling the air—the countertops were dusted with flour and sugar, a sweet scent of vanilla and orange in the atmosphere, enticing you—a perfect way to end the holiday celebrations. 

As you measured the ingredients, putting it in the bowl, Yeonjun ensured he preheated the oven correctly—he glanced at you for a moment, drinking in the way you were, adorned in one of his hoodies and sweatpants, your eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as you glanced between the recipe and the bowl. Your hair was pulled back in a messy bun, a few strands fell delicately in your face as you ensured you were following the correct steps. Even in this moment, something so simple, Yeonjun thought you're the most beautiful being ever. 

“How’s little miss baker going?” Yeonjun teased as he hugged you from behind.

“Good!” you replied, as you tried to look up at him, “I just have to mix the batter.”

“Let me help you with that,” Yeonjun said, as he held your hand. Mixing the batter together—the warmth between your bodies merged together, the simple moment, feeling intimate between you both. Once the batter was thoroughly mixed, Yeonjun poured the batter in the pan, deciding to give you a gentle kiss as he placed it in the oven.

Moments like these Yeonjun cherished the most, while he loved the passionate moments when you were under him, the domestic nature of these innocently intimate moments felt like a drug—addicting, with no chances of sobriety.

Once the cake finished baking and cooled, you and Yeonjun moved to the counter to ice it. The scent of the freshly baked good filled the air, as you both prepared to decorate your creation. As you spread a generous layer of frosting, your tongue peeked out in concentration as you focussed intently—grabbing another spatula caused a dollop of icing to land on the corner of your mouth. Yeonjun couldn't help but chuckle. Glancing at you, he pointed playfully. “You have something there, Blossom,” a teasing smile on his lips as he gestured to the corner of your lips . With raised eyebrows, you reached up to wipe it away, but before you could, Yeonjun stepped closer, his gaze locking with yours, “Let me help you with that,” he murmured, his voice low and inviting.

Without waiting for a response, he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss, the sweetness of the icing lingering between you, igniting the moment into something more—something passionate. Yeonjun’s hands cupped your face, tilting your head slightly upwards as he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing against your lips, asking for permission. 

With the parting of your lips, you allowed him to slip inside, a rush of warmth and arousal flooded between you—the cake long forgotten as the world around you began to fade away, leaving only the taste of the frosting as you found yourselves lost in each other.

Yeonjun’s heart raced as you leaned into him, feeling the heat radiating from your body—his hands travelled from your face down to your waist, where he pulled you closer as your hands travelled through his hair, slightly tugging. In that moment, nothing else mattered, it was just the two of you, wrapped in a cocoon of sweetness and desire.

“Hey, are you two—” Soobin’s voice trailed off, his eyes widening in surprise as he took in the scene before him. A half-decorated cake sat forgotten on the counter, icing smeared across the table, and the two of you quickly pulled away—cheeks flushed, your lips glistening with remnants of frosting, a sweet testament to the kiss you just shared. You exchanged a glance, filled with a mix of embarrassment and amusement, the moment charged with an undeniable spark that remained lingering in the air.

Soobin blinked, processing the scene before him before bursting into awkward laughter. “Didn't mean to interrupt your, uh…baking session,” he teased. A playful grin spread across his face as he watched your cheeks deepen in colour and Yeonjun with a smug smile on his face.

“Yeah,” Yeonjun grinned, clearing his throat, “We were just, uh, tasting the frosting, you know, quality control.”

Soobin, raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced but amused, “More like tasting each other.”

“Sorry you had to see that, Soobin,” you squeaked out as the embarrassment slowly washes away. “Do you want to help us finish frost the cake? I promise all taste testing is over.”

Yeonjun laughed as Soobin accepted your invitation, grabbing a spare spatula. The earlier embarrassment faded, replaced by the warm laughter of you three as you attempted to decorate the cake.

You don't interact with Soobin much, but in the moments that you do, you cherish the quiet friendship between you both—he reminds you of your departed brother, the way he quietly looked after you, his steady presence bringing comfort to your life. 

As you three admired your chaotic masterpiece—a lopsided snowman adoring the top of the cake, an attempt at a winter wonderland—you couldn't help but laugh at the delightful mess you made.

Amidst the chaos, you settled down enjoying your cake while watching nostalgic holiday movies.

“This is definitely the best cake I’ve ever seen,” Soobin joked, earning a playful nudge from Yeonjun.

Surrounded by this chaotic, sweet moment you realized this is exactly what you needed—a reminder that love and friendship can coexist beautifully, having you thankful for your formed friendships—a beautiful end to winter break indeed.

With Spring’s return, you are reminded of your first interaction with Yeonjun—on the balcony of a random party, there you were, two unlikely souls who formed an unseemly connection. Now, life without him seemed dull—like the flower he represents, Yeonjun had brightened your life in ways you never thought possible. Choi Yeonjun became the air you breathe, a deeply engraved part of you. Looking back on your time together you feel alive—like you've never felt before, grateful for the man you've met.

At the start of the season, you decided to take Yeonjun to a flower arrangement class. Within the flower shop, the scent of fresh blooms delightfully filled the air, everyone in their own world as they received guidance from the instructor. You remembered how you made arrangements for each other—Yeonjun gifting you baby's breath and lilies while you chose carnations and tulips for him. Both arrangements perfectly made to fit the vases you crafted for each other in a previous pottery class. Although they weren't perfect, the vases were filled with character and love, serving as a constant reminder of the time you've shared.

“Hey, are you two dating by chance?” a participant asked you, glancing at the way you and Yeonjun conversed.

Surprised, you quickly glanced at Yeonjun, who was busy fixing his arrangement. “No, just friends!” you replied, perhaps a bit too quickly.

“Well, from the way he looks at you, Sweetheart, that man is totally in love with you. I hope you don't let him go.” As the participant turned back to their arrangement, you looked back at Yeonjun.

“What was that about?” he asks curiously.

“Nothing,” you brushed off casually. “She just said our arrangements were pretty.”

As the class continued that day, you found yourself staring at Yeonjun more than before, wondering of the way he looked at you. But for now, you savoured the moment—enjoying the way his arrangement brightened your apartment in its vase, reminding you of him every time you looked at it.

With the progression of Spring, your birthday dawned, bringing with it a sense of renewal and hope. You stirred awake to the soft sound of singing, fluttering your eyes open, you saw Beomgyu walking in, a big smile on his face as he carried a tray in his hands.

“Happy Birthday, Petal,” Beomgyu sang softly as he rested the tray on your nightstand—the aroma of seaweed soup and the assortment of side dishes, waking you up pleasantly.

As he ruffled your hair playfully, you sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “Thank you, Cookie,” you replied, giving him a small hug.

Growing up, you hated your birthday, it being a painful reminder of the loss you suffered—a reminder of those who abandoned you, but with Beomgyu by your side, he and his family embraced you as their own, ensuring you enjoyed your birthday regardless. For the remainder of your morning, you and Beomgyu enjoyed breakfast in bed, sharing laughter and reminiscing on the moments you spent together. After a while you video called his parents who, despite being away, wanted to celebrate with you. A familiar warmth filled you as you enjoy the remainder of your morning with your best friend and his family, thankful for the love they gave you.

“Thanks for breakfast, Gyu, and for always celebrating my birthday with me. You mean a lot to me, I hope you know that.” You said sincerely as you both made your way downstairs.

“Of course,” Beomgyu grinned, “I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope you look forward to tonight!” he teased, winking at you.

“Tonight?” you say confused. 

Once you make your way down, Beomgyu handed you a flat velvety-black box, mischief glimmering in his eyes, “Open it.” Opening the box, revealed a note, which said,

To my World,

Happy Birthday Blossom!

I hope you love this surprise! I wanted to get you a special outfit for tonight. I think it would look amazing on you, something to make you feel as beautiful and confident as you truly are.

Reservation is at 8. Can't wait to see you tonight!

Love, 

Your Sunflower, Yeonjun.

With disbelief in your eyes, you set the note down gently before turning your attention to the box, pulling out the most breathtaking dress ever created by man. The fabric felt luxurious and soft against your fingertips, its silhouette destined to hug your curves in all the right places while cascading gracefully to the floor. Its colour was deep and rich—a beautiful shade that complemented your skin tone beautifully.

“He sure knows how to make a girl feel special, huh?” Beomgyu, commented as he observed your reaction. Wordlessly, you nod, rendered speechless. Then, you reached for the heels nestled beside the dress. Their design was one of a kind, a stunning blend of elegance and allure—sleek and sophisticated, their graceful arch that would elongate your leg just enough while adding an air of confidence to your stride. The shoes were not just an accessory, but a statement piece, elevating the outfit and making you feel empowered.

“You knew about this?” You asked Beomgyu as you looked up, your eyes filled with amazement. 

“Maybe,” he teased. “Needed to help him get your perfect size.” 

You playfully swatted Beomgyu’s arm, “Gyu, what the fuck? I’m genuinely at a loss for words.”

Ruffling your hair, Beomgyu chuckled, “I hope you enjoy your night, Petal.”

The evening couldn't come soon enough. As you added the final touches to your outfit, you admired yourself in the mirror. The dress adorned your body beautifully, the silhouette hugging your curves perfectly, accentuating your waist as it flowed gracefully to the floor. The neckline’s elegant cut revealed enough skin to feel alluring while leaving the rest to the imagination. The slit that went up to your thigh allowed the heel to peek through, adding a hint of playful sexiness. 

Your makeup was perfectly understated,  enhancing your features while making you look even more irresistible. Finally, the necklace Yeonjun gave you last Christmas felt like the perfect finishing touch—the way its delicate chain rests against your collarbone, completing the look entirely. 

With one final twirl in front the mirror, you applied your perfume—amber and vanilla, swirling together creating an intoxicating scent that lingered. Grabbing your purse, you make your way downstairs, excitedly waiting for Yeonjun's arrival.

“Woah! You look amazing,” Beomgyu commented, his eyes wide with admiration. “Yeonjun will absolutely love it.”

“You think so?” you asked nervously, your heart racing at the thought of Yeonjun seeing you like this. The weight of the evening hung in the air—despite you and Yeonjun being in each other's company for a year, this felt different, and you couldn't help but wonder what tonight might bring.

Before Beomgyu could answer, the doorbell rang, its chime feeling louder than usual, almost as if it was mimicking your nervousness. “That’s him!” Beomgyu grinned as he made his way to the door.

As Yeonjun’s silhouette was revealed, you couldn’t help but gasp softly at his appearance. Adorned in a simple black suit—his hair was styled slicked back, exposing his forehead—an unexpected but striking look for him, different to his usual, everyday style. The slight exposure of his chest housed a simple chain, while various rings and a few bracelets decorated his hands, adding a touch of flair to the entire ordeal. 

In one hand, Yeonjun held a bouquet of red roses, an addicting aroma filled the air as their sweet scent mixed with his musky perfume. When he looked at you, the world seemed to stand still. You didn't see it before, but in this moment, you finally recognized the way Yeonjun looked at you—as if his eyes penetrated your very soul. He looked at you as if you're the only woman on Earth—as if no one else existed. Finally, you saw the depth of his feelings, the way he looked at you with so much love both excited and scared you.

“Roses, for the most beautiful girl in the world,” Yeonjun said, as he stepped into the room and handed you the bouquet. “Happy birthday, Gorgeous. You look absolutely divine.”

With a gentle kiss on the forehead, Yeonjun took a step back and looked at you again, his eyes filled with an undeniable admiration. Smiling shyly, you replaced the old flowers in your vase with the newly received roses, their vibrant petals standing out beautifully against the soft glow of the candles. Before you both leave, Beomgyu excitedly brought his camera out, taking out a few pictures to commemorate the memory, encouraging you both to stand close, like a proud dad. 

As you made your way to the restaurant, you couldn't help but focus on the way Yeonjun’s hand felt against your thigh, his slightly calloused hands gripped you softly, sending a rush of warmth through you, while the other confidently steered the wheel.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked Yeonjun, your voice unusually shy.

“You.” he says, gripping your thigh a little tighter. His simple admittance rendered you speechless, leaving you aroused. As you pulled into the restaurant's parking lot, the only thing you could focus on was Yeonjun and the way he ignited a desire within you, one that can only be quenched by feeling his body against yours. Thinking of the way he peppered kisses along your skin under the moonlight, the warmth of his breath that sent shivers down your spine—the thought left you unfocused—in anticipation of what the rest of the night might have to offer.

The soft lighting illuminated the restaurant creating an intimate atmosphere, perfect for the occasion. As the night progressed, you both enjoyed a delightful dinner—one filled with laughter and reminiscent stories of the time you spent together, a circumstance you never expected to be in. 

When the special birthday dessert was brought out at Yeonjun’s request, he eagerly took his phone to capture the moment. The dessert, a beautiful, deconstructed cheesecake, topped with rose petals and fresh strawberry pieces, looks almost too divine to eat. As you smiled softly, the light from the candle faintly reflected in your eyes, making you look even more alive in the moment. 

Reaching into his pocket, Yeonjun pulled out a small, elegantly wrapped box—your heart racing as he placed it in front of you. “Happy birthday again, Darling,” he said, his voice low and sincere.

Unwrapping the gift, you revealed a small framed picture of your time spent under the stars last Autumn and a delicate silver chain. Attached to it was a pendant of Perseus’ constellation—something so simple, yet powerful. 

“A reminder of our time,” Yeonjun started, shyly showing you his hand. It's decorated with a matching bracelet with a pendant of Andromeda attached. “I really meant what I said then. I’d face anything for you.

You couldn’t help but feel a wave of love and gratitude wash over you, knowing that this night was one you would cherish forever.

The night ended within the confines of Yeonjun’s bedroom—with your dress on the floor and his hands feverishly exploring your body, tracing over your curves. Each touch sent a wave of electricity coursing through you. Wrapped in each other, you lost track of time—with a touch, gentle and possessive, you arch into Yeonjun, craving more of him. The kisses, nothing short of passionate, ignited that fire within you as you made love to each other.

While the rest of the world slept, you found solace in your intimate space, rediscovering not only each other’s bodies but also the depths of your unspoken feelings that lingered in the air. The warmth of his skin against yours as he held you close, whispering sweet nothings—creating a cocoon of intimacy and love.

Its night of passion, a suitable end to a wonderful birthday, indeed—leaving you both breathless, yearning for more.

The Summer before senior year crashed in like a wave, washing over you with a mixture of excitement and uncertainty—the sunny days and vibrant colours Summer brought with her filled you with anticipation for the season ahead. For the first time in a while, you and Yeonjun were spending some time apart, each returning to your respective homes for a bit. Despite not wanting to be separated, they did say that absence makes the heart grow fonder—the saying filled you with hope, excitement coursing through your veins as you looked forward to being reunited with Yeonjun.

Even though thoughts of Yeonjun plagued your mind, you enjoyed your time back in Daegu with Beomgyu. His parents and brother welcomed you both back in open arms, almost as if you hadn't left in the first place. They ensured you've had your fill of the local cuisine before going back to Seoul in August, showering you in affection and home-cooked meals, reminding you of how much you missed familial warmth. 

Beomgyu’s mom fussed over you, exclaiming that you've lost too much weight as she fed you generous plates of food. While his dad pinched your cheek lovingly asking if any boys were bothering you. It takes everything in you to not trample Beomgyu as he quickly mentioned Yeonjun—leaving his dad to lecture you on the importance of being a responsible adult.

Moments like these made you miss home. After they took you in and treated you as their own, you've always been grateful for their presence and the way they treated you as their daughter. Even the moments where Beomgyu and his brother teased you about Yeonjun filled you with joy. It felt oddly nice having two brothers tease you about boys—it allowed you to forget your family history, even for a moment. You don't mind it, as you felt truly happy with your found family.

As you sat in the living room one afternoon, everyone was doing their own thing while basking in each other’s presence. Your phone buzzed with Yeonjun’s name popping up as he video called you, a smile spread across your face as you answered, delighted to see and hear him.

“Hi Blossom!” Yeonjun beamed, his eyes lighting up as he saw you, “I miss you.” His admission left you flustered, “I miss you too, Jjun,” you smiled shyly. “How’s everything with your parents?” you asked, getting comfortable on the couch.

The conversation flowed easily as you shared stories about your time apart. You told him about all the home-cooked meals you had while he told you about the places he visited with his parents.

Suddenly, you heard a voice from off-screen, “Yeonjun, who are you talking to?” His mom said as she appeared on screen, her voice warm and curious. As he said your name, her eyes shine in recognition, “Blossom” she exclaims, smiling softly, “Jjunie, told me so much about you! You’re even prettier than he says!”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, embarrassed, “Thank you Mrs. Choi! I see where Yeonjun gets his looks from.”

Yeonjun’s mum gushed over your response, turning to him with a proud smile. “You've met such a sweet girl, Jjunie!”

As your chat continued, you glanced over at Beomgyu’s parents, who were watching you with knowing smiles. A sense of belonging washed over you, feeling glad to have received the warmth from Yeonjun’s family—it left you looking even more forward to being reunited with him.

Going back to Seoul felt bittersweet—after being under the care of Beomgyu’s family for the last month, it felt nice to let go of the worries of life, if only for a moment. 

Even though you were glad to be back as it meant reuniting with Yeonjun, you couldn't help but wish to go on another getaway—somewhere sunny and serene, where you could relax under the sun, with the pleasant sea breeze brushing against your skin.

As you made your way into your apartment, Beomgyu looked at you with excitement.

“What?” you asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“It's nothing,” he shrugged, resting his luggage down with a grin. “Just excited to see your reaction.”

You gave him a weird look. “To what?”

Beomgyu remained silent, his eyes sparkling with mischief as you headed upstairs. As you stood outside your bedroom door, Beomgyu leaned against the wall looking at you, he seemed to be more excited than before. You couldn't help but feel nervous as you wondered what lied beyond your door. The sight that greeted you left you utterly shocked. There, sitting on your bed, was Yeonjun, a wide smile spread across his features.

“Yeonjun?! What the fuck? I thought you were coming back to campus till next week?” you exclaimed, enveloping him in a tight hug.

Yeonjun laughed, the sound warm and familiar as he embraced you, lifting you off the ground for a moment. “We have plans, Blossom.”

“Plans?” You said as you took a step back, admiring Yeonjun for a moment. Despite the short time away, his hair is a bit longer and he had a glow to him that felt more confident than.

He took a deep breath, “I actually planned a trip for us to Jeju Island. We leave in a few hours.” His voice getting a bit softer, “I know how much you love the Summer and enjoying the beach. And I know you've never been before. I just wanted to have that new experience with you before senior year started. You deserve it.”

His words left you in shock, emotions overwhelmed you. Tears welled up in your eyes, “Oh my God, Yeonjun…” you whispered, your voice trembling. “How did you manage all this?”

Taken aback by your tears, Yeonjun wiped them away slowly, “Don't cry, Pretty.” A sheepish smile formed on his face, “My parents covered the cost actually. They knew how much I wanted to take you somewhere special and actually offered to pay for us. They were really excited for us to have this experience together.”

“Thank you Jjunie,’ you mumbled as you began to cry more, “no one has ever done this for me.” 

“Do you like your surprise, Petal?” Beomgyu piped up, smirking.

You turn to him, eyes wide in disbelief. “You knew all this time?”

Beomgyu laughed softly, “I helped plan the trip. You deserve to enjoy yourself.”

A wave of gratitude washed over you—you couldn't help but laugh through your tears. The sheer realization that Yeonjun had put in so much effort to surprise you filled you with warmth, but it also scared you yet you were determined to make long-lasting memories.

And with that, you and Yeonjun embarked on your journey, hearts full of excitement and anticipation for the adventures that awaited you. The moment the plane arrived on Jeju Island; you were overflowing with excitement—overwhelmed with all the possibilities that lied ahead.

When you arrived at your accommodation, you were rendered speechless—it was a quaint little cottage hidden among the lush greenery overlooking one of the island’s many beaches. The warmth in its atmosphere makes it feel like a home away from home—with a beautiful exterior, adorned with wooden beams, the inside is even more breathtaking, leaving you in wonder; the inclusion of a skylight in the bedroom makes the place even more cozy than it did before.

“This place is beautiful,” you said to Yeonjun as you took it all in.

Yeonjun grinned, pleased with your reaction, “I thought you’d like it,” he pulled you close, “let’s rest a bit before we head out again, yeah?”

Your days in Jeju were nothing short of magical, filled with breathtaking views and cherished moments. While Yeonjun ensured to take you to known places such as the Hallasan National Park and the Cheonjiyeon Waterfall, he also ensured you enjoyed the quieter moments—taking a day trip to Biyangdo Island was one of those moments that left you captivated. The small uninhabited island left for a day filled with hiking and exploring, a moment you would never forget.

As the sun began to set on your last day in Jeju, the sky transformed into a breathtaking canvas as if it were painted with orange and red hues, casting a warm glow over the island. Your evening began with a lovely dinner at a local restaurant—as many other moments you've shared together, you and Yeonjun were in your own world, making idle chit chat as you savoured each other’s presence. 

Followed by a walk along the beach near your cottage, you both enjoy the feeling of the sand between your toes as the ocean sang quiet hums to you with its waves—the moon, casting a silvery light over the water with the cool breeze creating a romantic atmosphere. Pulling out a pair of wired headphones, Yeonjun handed you one side as soft melodies began to play. As he held you close, you both swayed to its rhythm—losing yourselves in each other as the world melted into nothingness.

With a sweet kiss, your night concluded in the bedroom—as Yeonjun had you under the stars, your body glowed softly in the moonlight, only the melodious sounds of your breaths mingling together were heard. With every kiss, the connection deepened, somehow becoming more intimate than before—your heart full as Yeonjun looked at you in adoration, worshiping your body as if it were his last chance at salvation.

Resting his forehead against yours, Yeonjun confessed softly, “I love you,” his voice thick with emotion. The confession pierced your heart in a way you never felt before—as if all your fears and doubts began to rise to the surface, making it unable to breathe. 

“Yeonjun…” you breathed, your voice trembling as tears began to spill over. The intensity of the moment left you overwhelmed, every insecurity you had felt more seen—leaving you exposed.

Cupping your face softly, his thumbs brushed away your tears that fell. “You don’t have to say it back,” he murmured, his eyes understanding. “I just wanted to let you know that I am truly and utterly in love with you.” As Yeonjun kissed you softly, your salty tears mixed in the kiss and you continued to cry, unable to contain your emotions. With each gentle kiss you shared, your heart ached more as the weight of his confession became more real with each passing second.

“Please don’t cry,” he murmured tenderly between kisses. “I’m here, I’ve got you. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” Yeonjun’s thumbs continuously wiped away your tears which only seemed to flow harder.

As your final night in Jeju Island came to an end, time seemed to stand still as the stars above witnessed your love. Unspoken words created a tension that lingered in the air. This transformative moment became a pivotal point in your relationship—both terrifying and exhilarating; only time will tell whether the outcome led to joy or heartbreak. The salt and sweet mingling on your lips as you shared a final kiss that night filled you with unease—the feeling haunted you as you drifted into a restless sleep, shadows of doubt weaving through your dreams.

IV || Love Is Like A Cigarette…Quick To Burn Out ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

Autumn felt colder than before—her reappearance felt like a mockery, a reminder of what once was. You found yourselves intertwined beneath the covers each night—his warmth, a bittersweet testimony to the love that still lingered as you slowly felt yourself slipping away. The fragility of each shared breath hung in the air like a whispered secret—an unspoken acknowledgment of the growing distance.

As you lay beside Yeonjun, the shadowy hands of doubt made their return, pleased to reacquaint themselves with you—finding their way back around your neck, tightening their grip, reminding you of why your fears lingered.

“Please. Don’t look at me like you,” you whispered, your voice trembling.

“Like what?” he asked softly.

“Like you want to kiss me,” you replied, averting your eyes as tears welled up in your eyes.

Yeonjun reached out, his hand brushing against yours sent shivers down your spine. Hurt flashed across his face as you flinched at his touch. “Please,” you begged, “just…don't kiss me.” As you cried yourself to sleep, Yeonjun held you tenderly—whispering sweet words of reassurance, hoping to alleviate your fears.

Ever since the confession, your dependency on cigarettes seemed to increase tenfold—unable to let go of your source of divine relief. Each inhale felt like a desperate attempt to fill the void inside you while each exhale felt like a mocking reminder of the scars Josh had left behind.

Josh's cycle of abuse was an intricate web of manipulation, woven with such precision that it left you trapped and helpless. It started slow; he first reeled you in with a whirlwind of affection—his words and actions sweet, leaving you feeling intoxicated, invigorated, desperately wanting more. But as he ensnared you in his tapestry of lies, his personality shifted. The once sweet Josh became your worst nightmare; berating you, blaming you for the way your life turned out. His sweet words turned into knives, leaving deep cuts in you that left you questioning your worth. 

Every time he claimed you as his own, it felt like a twisted blend of passion and possession—the once intimate moments morphed into something darker. Each caress, a reminder that your body was his, only meant to fuel his desires. The aftermath always left you hollow, like a mere shell of your former self—your body desperately begging to be free. 

At those times, he became withdrawn, leaving you to pick up your broken pieces—his warmth replaced by a chilling cold, one that settled in the corners of your mind. Inevitably, he would return, charming as he once was, offering a tender-hearted apology and sweet lies, pulling you back into the same destructive cycle. Each time you forgave him, you hoped for change, only to find yourself more deeply entangled in your ultimate demise. 

Despite severing your ties, the cycle continued to haunt the forefront of your mind. As you closed your eyes each night, you relived the haunting memories of your past—sleep becoming a battleground of destruction. As the nightmares faded and reality embraced you—you found Yeonjun lying beside you, his concerned gaze meeting yours as tears fell from your eyes. You sank deeper into him, whispering that you were okay, desperately hoping that would be the case.

Yeonjun didn’t know what to do—he was at a standstill in his life, unable to make his next decision. Ever since you returned from your trip to Jeju Island, things had shifted. It started small, with the way you avoided his gaze, a subtle action that tore his soul apart. Then it transitioned to you avoiding his kisses, something Yeonjun never expected. His breaking point came when he noticed how you flinched at his touch and cried in your sleep—holding onto him as if you were afraid he'd disappear. Yeonjun loved you, but he feared this arrangement was now hurting you both more than it should. 

Yeonjun stood outside Soobin’s room, riddled with anxiety as he contemplated the conversation he was about to have. He wanted to ask Beomgyu for advice, but he decided against it, thinking it was unfair to put him in such a position.

Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself before softly knocking in the door. “Hey, Soobin. Can I come in?” he called out.

“Yeah!” Soobin replied, his tone light.

As Yeonjun entered, he saw Soobin sprawled out on his bed, phone in hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he sat up, “You look like you have a lot on your mind.”

Smiling sheepishly, Yeonjun rubbed the back of his neck. “It's about Blossom, actually.”

Soobin sat up a bit straighter, his expression shifted to one of concern. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Remember when we took that trip to Jeju in the Summer?” Yeonjun asked.

Soobin nodded slowly in understanding. “Yeah…you guys had a wonderful time, right?”

Nodding, Yeonjun continued, “Yeah, but I sort of confessed to her?”

A deadpan expression formed on Soobin's face. “You…confessed. Aren't you dating her?” 

Yeonjun felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him. “Well…no, we're not.”

Soobin's eyes widened in shock. “Wait, what? You two were kissing in our kitchen last winter and you aren't dating?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun responded, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “We just had an arrangement. No strings attached.”

Looking more shocked than before Soobin says, “Why don't you explain everything to me? From the beginning.”

Yeonjun recounted to Soobin the story of his entanglement with you, from your first meeting to the night you slept together, detailing every moment that led up to this one.

“Honestly,” Soobin started, “I think it's best you step back. For both your sakes. It's clearly taking a toll on you both and it isn't worth it that you both are hurting in your own way. You love each other, anyone would be stupid enough to think otherwise. I know she hasn't said it, but she looks at you with so much love, Yeonjun.” Clearing his throat he continued, “Just give her the space to work things out on her own. It will hurt, but she'll come back to you once she's gathered her thoughts. She's clearly going through something deeper, so have some patience with her, yeah?”

With a nod, Yeonjun hugged Soobin, grateful for having a friend like him during times like this. This newfound perspective guided Yeonjun on the path he had to take—he didn't want to, but if it meant you slowly got to heal from your unspoken trauma, he would do anything to save you from that.

The cool evening air wrapped around you as you sat on the balcony of your room—with a cigarette in hand you're listening to Beomgyu beside you, his eyes full of worry as he talked to you. You saw his lips moving, eyebrows furrowed yet you couldn't hear him—it was as if you and your body were disconnected.

The world around you felt blurred, the once vibrant colours, fading into a muted palette. It felt as if you were a spectator in your own life, watching the scene unfold, nodding absently to Beomgyu. As you inhaled the last remnants of your cigarette, you felt yourself fading back into reality.

“...And I'm just worried about you, Petal. These days you don't seem like you're present in reality. I just want you to talk to me, please. I just want to help you,” Beomgyu said as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I can't lose my best friend. Not again,” he added softly.

You watched Beomgyu with sad eyes, feeling the weight of his concern. “I'm sorry, Cookie. I…I don't know where to start. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. Just tell me what happened,” he urged, his voice quivering, “you've been smoking so much more lately. I'm worried.”

“Yeonjun confessed,” you said, biting your lips. “During our last night in Jeju, and it kind of just freaked me out? Ever since Josh happened six years ago, I just don't feel worthy?”

Beomgyu looked at you earnestly, his steady gaze urging you to continue. “It's just that, my mind convinces me that I'm destined to be in a perpetual cycle of abuse and…” Your voice breaks, tears welled in your eyes, “...And I don't think I'm deserving of the love Yeonjun’s willing to give.” Wiping your eyes, you continued, “Ever since the nightmares resurfaced, I keep seeing his face and reliving moments and it scares me. I'm terrified of slipping back into that space.” 

Beomgyu’s expression softened, “I get that, Petal. But hanging onto the past isn't going to help you or Yeonjun. You both will get hurt in the end. You need to let it go.”

“I'm scared, Gyu. Not of letting go but facing what comes after.”

Beomgyu rested a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “We’ll be here to support you, you know that, Petal. It'll be okay,” he smiled softly. “Just give yourself some space and gather your thoughts. Then talk to him, shutting him out won't help either of you. He loves you, he'll understand and want to help.”

You sighed softly as the weight of his words settled in your heart. “Okay,” you whispered, “time to let go.”

The weather was overcast, almost as if it mirrored your mood, or was mocking you—either way, you didn't like the feeling. Yeonjun asked to meet you at your apartment that day and it filled you with dread. It wasn't like his usual messages or spontaneous visits—this felt different, as if the air was thick with an impending change.

To ease your nerves while you waited for Yeonjun, you smoked three cigarettes, each one making you feel worse than the last. Nothing seemed to help extinguish the turmoil inside you.

As you contemplated lighting another, the doorbell rang, disrupting your spiralling thoughts. Your heart raced, anticipation and dread coursing through your veins as you prepared yourself to open the door.

Opening it, you found Yeonjun standing there but unlike his usual lively appearance, today, he looked exhausted—the dark circles under slightly bloodshot eyes were evidence that he hadn't been sleeping well—the sight made your heart ache.

Closing the door behind you, you glanced at Yeonjun again with sorrowful eyes. “Yeonjun…are you okay?” you asked, your voice, barely above a whisper, fear knotting in your stomach at the thought of his answer.

“I'm sorry,” he began, his voice heavy with emotion, “I don't think this arrangement can continue. I'm too in love with you and too selfish.” Yeonjun paused, running his hands through his hair in frustration, “I desperately want more, and I don't want to ask you for more than you're willing to give.”

As the rain began to fall softly, each drop mirrored the emotions swirling between you in this very moment. Yeonjun stepped closer, his eyes searching yours, filled with a mix of heartbreak and desperation. 

“Just this once,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the patter of the rain, “I know you've been avoiding kissing me lately, but just this once,” he begged, his voice breaking, “let me kiss you one last time before I end this.”

The desperation in Yeonjun’s voice is evident—it broke you knowing that you're the one that caused him to be like this. Despite your hesitation and racing heart, the weight of his words pulled you in. As he leaned in, the world around you faded into nothingness—the final kiss is sweet and sorrowful, mixed with desperation, the moment feeling suspended in time. As the rain begins to fall harder, your clothes become soaked but the warmth from Yeonjun lips makes the chill forgettable.

The kiss deepened, hot and cold, salty and sweet; mixing with your tears and his—as his hands cradled your face gently, his thumb brushing away your stray tears that mixed with the incoming raindrops.

“Please,” he murmured against your lips, saying your name softly, “just let me have this.”

The urgency in his voice spoke volumes, all his unspoken feelings poured out into this single moment. Pulling you closer, as a final desperate grasp, the world around you seemed to blur further, the rain, swaddling you, shielding you from everything else.

As you both pulled away, tears streamed down your faces—breathless and trembling, the reality of the situation crashed in. The sheer vulnerability in his eyes broke you more than you had hope. It almost felt as if his gaze mirrored your own pain.

“Yeonjun I—”

“Don't,” he interrupted softly, almost begging. He placed his forehead against yours, “Just let me be selfish one last time.”

With a final kiss, Yeonjun wiped your remaining tears, whispered an “I love you” and made his way to his car, where he left you, standing in the rain.

Everything then came crashing down on you as he left. You felt your strength fade away, suddenly you're on the floor—glancing at Yeonjun’s figure became smaller as he drove away. The feeling of his lips haunting you as you began to sob uncontrollably. You knew it was your fault the things turned out this way, unable to give him more. Yeonjun made the decision for you, preventing the inevitable. It shouldn't hurt, since it was something you needed; it shouldn't feel like this—but you couldn't help it since you were so utterly in love with Choi Yeonjun.

Going back into the apartment you felt numb, like a piece of you left with Yeonjun. Part of you knew this was necessary, best for both parties—yet a small part of you hoped to stay in your current arrangement, ignoring the unspoken feelings. Beomgyu looked at you as you entered the living room, shocked at your appearance—soaked, with tears streaming down your face.

“Are you okay? What happened?” He asked as he fetched a towel, gently drying your hair, then wrapping it around you.

“It's Yeonjun,” you mumbled quietly, your tears slowly subsiding. “He ended the arrangement. Which is fine, I just didn't expect it to hurt so much.”

Beomgyu looked at you with empathy, “I know it hurts, but you knew you needed this. It's okay to feel sad about it. You loved him even if you didn't say it out loud.”

“Yeah…I do love him” you admitted quietly, “I think I want to start therapy. I want to get better—not just for myself, but for Yeonjun as well. Once I get through the beginning of that journey, I'll reach out to him again.”

“That's more like it, Petal,” Beomgyu encouraged softly, “Let's get you upstairs and I'll run you a warm bath, yeah?”

Despite the heartbreaking moment, you understood what had to be done. Now, it was time to embark on your journey of letting go—letting go of the past that haunted you and embracing the present. You knew it would be hard initially, but you were determined to be better, determined to reclaim the life you once lost.

For once in his life, Yeonjun absolutely hated himself. He knew he should feel relief—relief that he let you go, not because he wanted to but because he needed to. Yet still, there seemed to be a you-shaped hole in his chest, which had a hollowness more profound than any heartbreak he ever felt. The void reeked of you, memories of your laughter, your warmth, your presence—now replaced by an unbearable silence that was almost deafening.

After what felt like forever, Yeonjun stopped at the park near his apartment—today it was quiet, usually filled with the laughter of innocent children—the air remained still, deadly still. As the sun began to set, the park felt tranquil, almost as if it empathized with him. With the rain finally passing, the orange and red hues adorn the sky and even in this moment, Yeonjun’s first thought was you—he thought you'd love the sight before him, your eyes would light up in delight, wanting to take a picture to savour the moment.

As if his body moved on autopilot, Yeonjun walked to the nearest convenience store. In front of him was a cigarette display with various brands—unconsciously he picked up your favourite brand and a lighter, paying for them and settling on some swings within the park. Yeonjun didn't smoke often, but in this moment, he craved some kind of proximity with you, something to keep him grounded, something to fill the hollow feeling inside.

As Yeonjun lit the cigarette, the flame flickered in the dimming light, taking a drag, the smoke filled his lungs—the warmth contrasting the chill air as the evening came. 

Momentarily, the hollowness receded, but as he exhaled, the feeling rushed back in, somehow worse than before. With each drag, Yeonjun felt more reminiscent than before. He recalled the moments during the arrangement, the way you mentioned that you liked having a black coffee, a croissant and a cigarette for breakfast—something about wanting to feel like a girl in Paris. He chuckled sadly at the memory, even though in the moment he was stressed about your lack of a nutritionally balanced breakfast. 

He remembered the way your body felt against his, how every intimate moment you shared felt like matching puzzle pieces, your body immediately reacted to him as if you were made for each other. He recalled the way you looked at him, with so much love shining in your eyes, and the way you kissed him as if each one might be your last.

“Why did it have to be this way?” he whispered, the only response being the wind rustling through the leaves. A bitter chuckle escaped him as he took another drag, “God,” he sighed, “I love you so much. I wish I didn't have to do it, but I couldn't just have an arrangement with you anymore.” Yeonjun continued, speaking to the universe, hoping that somehow you could hear him in the confines of your apartment. 

With a final drag, the smoke swirled around him, flickering the ash from his cigarette—he watched it fall to the ground, like the remnants of your relationship. Despite the emptiness of the park, memories of your time together lingered in the air, haunting him.

Leaving the pack of cigarettes on the swing, Yeonjun made his way to his car, the weight of your absence more present than before. As he drove back to his apartment, he knew the hole you left would take time to heal, but for right now, he listened to the playlist you made together, living through the moments for one last time as familiar melodies washed over him, each note a bitter reminder of what once was.

Arriving home, Yeonjun felt a lingering sadness. The decision to give you space weighed heavily on his heart. Remembering the way you cried those nights haunted him, the sound of your sobs as you held onto him were heartbreaking. He knew you needed space to sort out the problems you haven't mentioned even if you didn't openly admit it. He loved you and this was the only thing he thought of doing to help you.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun began, his voice low, “I finally let her go.” The admission lifted a weight off his shoulders, but the pain still lingered. “It hurts more than I expected.”

“It's normal to feel that way,” Soobin reassured him. “You love her and giving her the space is best for both of you. She'll come back when she's ready, I know it.”

Yeonjun nodded, consoled by the idea that you would come back, better than you did before.

As quick as Autumn came, so did she leave—leaving behind soon-to-be distant memories, each day served as a reminder of what was lost. With the days getting shorter and the nights growing colder, Yeonjun hoped you were on the path to a better place—like the changing seasons he hoped you were becoming stronger, no longer a slave to your haunting past.

V || Ashes and Second Chances ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

The first snow of Winter came quietly in the beginning of December—unlike her previous arrivals, this year her snow quietly blanketed the Earth like a mother nursing her child. You haven't spoken to Yeonjun since your last conversation two months ago but sometimes he sent you messages encouraging you to eat and take care of yourself. You didn't have the heart to respond just yet, but his messages filled you with hope. It felt nice knowing that he still cared even though you weren't on speaking terms—each message a reminder that the bond was still there, despite the distance.

You started therapy the same week Yeonjun left, a daunting but necessary decision. The first few sessions of therapy felt suffocating at first—almost as if you were scared to admit what was wrong. But once you got over that hurdle, things became easier—your therapist encouraged you to confront your past so that you could take a hold of your future. 

Within that safe space of the therapy room, you were taught ways to cope with the cycle of manipulation you had gone through without relying on your cigarettes. As the ties to your past slowly became severed, you developed a love for painting. Each brushstroke became a form of expression for the words you were unable to convey. 

As winter settled in, you felt a growing pain to properly move on from your past—a persistent discomfort that gnawed at you.

Thus, you found yourself at a gravesite during the harsh Daegu winter, determined to make amends. Your first visit was to your brother—you hadn't visited his grave when you returned to Daegu last summer, so you decided to have a conversation with him, sharing your journey.

The cemetery was serene, the snowflakes danced around you as you walked toward a familiar headstone. Sitting down in front of the grave, you placed a bouquet of blue forget-me-nots.

“Hey, big brother,” you whispered quietly. “I miss you. I'm sorry I didn't visit you last Summer.” You took a breath, feeling the weight of your emotions. “I've been trying to get better. I started therapy and I'm learning to cope with everything,” You smiled sadly and continued, “I broke up with Josh too, I know how much you hated him when we first started dating back then. I'm sorry, I should've listened to you.” You recalled all the memories you spent with Yeonjun, “I met someone new,” you laughed quietly, “you would've loved him. He's special to me but I messed up.” Tears began to fall from your eyes, “I promised myself to quit smoking too. It's been hard going through the withdrawals, but I'm getting better.” You took a moment to collect yourself, wiping the tears that fell, “I promise to be better—not just for myself, but for Yeonjun too. I want to be someone he can be proud of, someone who can love without fear.”

Standing up, you took one last look at the grave, “I miss you so much and I wish you were here. I promise to be better so you can be proud of your little sister, okay? I love you.”

You walked away from your brother's grave feeling a sense of warmth filled you as if a weight had been lifted, but there was one more conversation you had to have—one that had been long overdue.

As you stood in front of Josh's grave you no longer felt anxiety and fear washing over only that of anger. You took a deep breath, allowing the cold air to fill your lungs, “You took so much from me,” you began, voice rising slowly. “You took my sense of self and trust. You made me feel like I was never good enough and I let you. I let you control me for so long even when you're dead and gone and I'm done.”

Gently, you rested a bouquet of black roses at the base of the headstone. “I'm here to say my final goodbye. I'm here to reclaim my life.” You take out your last cigarette from the pack, now, a symbol of your past, placing it on the grave as a final offering. “This is my last one. You loved it when I smoked but I'm no longer letting any aspect of you take control over me.” With a steady voice, you declared, “I'm letting this go and I'm letting you go too. I hope you know how much I hate you.”

As you walked away you felt lighter, relieved that it was over, but also relieved that the shackles of your past no longer had a hold on you. The cold Winter now felt like a moment of transformation—as you made your way back to Seoul, hope filled you as you were ready to embrace the life you were finally reclaiming.

Winter felt colder to Yeonjun this year—the lack of your warm presence beside him became a constant reminder of the void that settled in his heart. Despite the ache, he knew it was for the betterment of your relationship. Occasionally, he sent you a message, a word or two of encouragement—a part of him hoped you would respond. He was thankful that Beomgyu always gave him an update on your wellbeing, letting him know you were getting the help you needed.

During your time apart, Yeonjun found himself visiting places you had been together. One morning he visited the greenhouse before he went to the café, admiring the way you always took care of the flowers there. He saw the sunflowers and plum blossoms next to each other in bloom and stared at them in wonder—recalling the day you decided to place them together, cutely saying, “They're us,” as you smiled softly at him. From that moment on, your relationship blossomed with every waking moment you spent together.

At the café you frequented together, he had a croissant and coffee, another attempt at feeling closer to you. The combination of the bitter coffee and flaky pastry only served to be another painful reminder of the laughs you shared over breakfast—the way you would lean across the table, your eyes bright with excitement as you stole a strawberry from his plate. Yeonjun missed those days dearly.

In the middle of winter, Yeonjun found himself staring at the night sky, watching the constellations of Perseus and Andromeda together. He remembered that night all too well, the way you pointed Andromeda out, the way your eyes filled with wonder as he recalled the story. Yeonjun fell in love with you that night—from that moment on he knew he would fight for you in every lifetime. 

He wondered if you were okay—praying to the gods above that your past would no longer haunt you and you could finally take control of your life. The memories, although painful at times, had a comforting warmth that contrasted the stillness of Winter leaving Yeonjun holding onto faith—faith that your relationship would be okay, like the changing seasons, your love had the power to endure and flourish even in the harshest of winters.

Ever since you visited Daegu weeks ago, life has felt brighter—for once you felt like you were able to breathe on your own without any shadows or voices tormenting you. 

Sometimes the nightmares still lingered, but they occurred less frequently than they did before—something you were absolutely grateful for. Therapy had been beneficial as well; after understanding how your abuse affected you, the road to recovery wasn't a terrible journey.

Your sobriety journey from nicotine was a different story. Aside from the typical cravings after withdrawals, the increased irritability and insomnia you faced stressed you out. After Mrs. Kim, your therapist recommended Nicotine Anonymous (NicA), things became easier, especially since Beomgyu came with you, providing you with the extra support that you needed. The meetings made you feel seen as people understood your struggles while Beomgyu’s reassuring presence reminded you that you weren't alone.

With the festive season approaching, you felt a growing desire to reach out to Yeonjun—to give him the explanation that he deserved and to apologize for the distance that had grown between you. You decided to get him a special gift—something that signified the moments you shared and what he meant to you.

A chain, adorned with both of your birthstones along with a painting you did of your time together in Jeju. A landscape painting of the day you spent on Biyangdo Island—on top of its peak, both of you smiling as with the surrounding ocean and nearby islands in the background—truly one of your happiest days there.

You knew Yeonjun would've been alone again this Christmas. Not wanting him to spend it alone, you gathered your courage and with a bouquet of apology flowers and his gifts, you made your way to his apartment. 

As you stood in front of his apartment you took a deep breath, reminding yourself of the progress you had made. You were no longer living in the past, letting a gripping fear dictate your actions—now you lived in the present, ready to embrace what life had to offer. With the gifts tucked under your arm, you quietly knocked on the door, heart racing, hoping that this would be the beginning of a new chapter for both of you—one filled with promise of brighter days ahead.

As Christmas approached, the world around Yeonjun transformed into a wonderful winter wonderland. Yet, despite the festive atmosphere, a heaviness settled in Yeonjun's heart as he yearned for you, hoping that somehow, he was granted a Christmas miracle, and you would greet him at his door.

Despite not knowing when you would talk again, Yeonjun wrote letters for you, one for each season since you've met, each detailing the different ways he fell deeper in love with you—testament to the memories you shared, little things about you that made you unique.

Alongside the letters, Yeonjun made a homemade scrapbook, each page filled with photos you took together and surprise ones he took just of you—each with a little note highlighting his favourite thing from that memory. He included snapshots of places you had visited, menus from your favourite restaurant and even pressed flowers that reminded him of you. Each page was adorned with quotes and song lyrics that reminded of you—their words encapsulating the love he had for you.

His doorbell rang Christmas morning, his heart raced as he prayed it was you and when he finally opened the door Yeonjun smiled, his heart racing—there you are standing, in all your glory, looking brighter than before. 

“Merry Christmas, Yeonjun,” you said as you smiled softly at him, “Can I come inside?”

As you stepped inside, Yeonjun embraced you tightly, “Merry Christmas, Blossom,” he murmured against your hair, his voice thick with emotion, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Yeonjun,” you said lightly as you laughed, hugging him back tightly as the familiar scent of his cologne enveloped you, a scent you missed. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back.”

Yeonjun pulled away, his expression serious, “You don’t have to apologize, Sweetheart. How has everything been going?”

Taking a deep breath, you gave Yeonjun the apology flowers, feeling the weight of your past for a moment, “It was hard at first. To let go. But therapy helped me confront my past and it no longer haunts me. Now, I've started to understand how it shaped me, and I’ve finally taken control of my life.” As you explained to him the details of your last relationship and how it left you, Yeonjun’s fists tightened, angry at the idea that you've been through something like that.

“I’m proud of you,” he said softly as he cupped your cheek, “It takes a lot of courage to go through that and still face the past. You’re stronger than you think.”

You continued to give him details of your therapy sessions, your new love for painting and even mention how your NicA sessions helped with your sobriety.

“Thank you for being patient with me. For letting me go when you did, it really helped push me towards the right direction.”

“Always,” he promised, his thumb brushing gently against your skin. “I'll always fight for you.”

“I actually got you some presents,” you said with a shy smile, gesturing to the gifts you brought with you. 

Yeonjun's eyes lit up, “I got you some presents too! Let me get them then we can exchange gifts.”

As you sat together, Yeonjun slowly unwrapped your presents. His eyes shining as he admired the chain you got him.

“A reminder that we’re always together, even if we are physically apart,” you said, shyly.

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on your cheek, “I love it, Blossom,” he said with adoration as he put on the chain. “I'll cherish it forever.” As Yeonjun unwrapped your second gift he gasps, looking at you in shock. “You painted this?!” he exclaimed in amazement.

“Yeah!” you say excitedly, matching his energy. “Once I realized my love for painting, I was determined to paint one of my favourite moments.”

“It's beautiful,” Yeonjun said softly, “It’s definitely getting framed and hanging up in my room.”

The atmosphere that surrounded you both was light—the soft glow of the Christmas lights illuminating the room left you feeling excited and nervous as Yeonjun handed you his gifts. 

As you pulled out the stack of letters, your heart swelled—each letter adorned with a different seasonal motif. With trembling fingers, you read each letter, tears welled in your eyes—with each season since you've met, Yeonjun highlights the moments in which he fell deeper in love with you. From your laughter in the spring to the warmth of your hand in his during the summer nights—to the cozy moments together in autumn and the quiet times during the winter evenings, each highlighted moment cherishing every little thing about you.

“Yeonjun…” Your voice broke. “I can't believe you wrote all this for me. These are incredible.”

He smiled softly, his eyes shining with warmth, “I wanted you to know how much you mean to me. With every season I felt more hopelessly in love with you.”

As you set the letters aside, you turned your attention to the scrapbook—each page was a beautiful collage of your time together, from photos of you laughing to menus from your favourite restaurant, each page was filled with  Yeonjun’s thoughts and even more things we loved about you.

“I didn't even know you took some of these,” you laughed softly as you flipped through the scrapbook.

“I wanted you to see yourself from my eyes.” Yeonjun said softly, wiping the tears that fell from your eyes, “To understand just how beautiful you are, not just on the outside, but also in the way you radiate kindness and strength, lighting up the darkest days. You’re incredible, Blossom.”

The weight of Yeonjun’s words hung in the air, his hands still against your cheeks—gazing at you with unconditional love.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked softly, his voice filled with longing and tenderness.

With a racing heart, you nodded. As he closed the distance between you, the sweet kiss transcends the heavens, filled with all the love and longing that had built up over the time apart—you both savoured the moment, tasting the sweetness of reunion after so much uncertainty.

Your hands find their way to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss—reality dimming, leaving you two, suspended in a perfect moment. As you pulled away, you're both breathless and smiling. “Yeonjun,” you began, your heart pounding loudly in your ears. “There's something I need to tell you.”

He looked at you, eyes twinkling with curiosity, “What is it?”

“I love you, Yeonjun.” you said proudly, “I’ve loved you for a long time, and I just needed you to know.”

With a radiant smile on his face, Yeonjun laughs softly, “I love you too, Blossom. More than I can express.” 

As Yeonjun kissed you, his warmth enveloped you, reminding you that relationships are like the changing seasons—despite the warmth they bring, they often have the coldest winters. Just as flowers bloom in spring after enduring harsh conditions, so does love flourish after facing trials and tribulations, growing stronger and more vibrant with each passing season. 

Together, you and Yeonjun would be okay—with each season, you would endure what came, hand in hand, knowing that your love had the power to conquer all storms and shine through even the darkest of days.

Epilogue || Seasons of Us ٠ ࣪⭑ˎˊ˗

It's been a year since that fateful kiss, and as Spring returned, Yeonjun was once again reminded of you. With your past no longer haunting you, he had watched you blossom to your full potential, radiating like a Plum Blossom in full bloom—your vibrant spirit surrounding the atmosphere in all its glory. He marvels at the way you've fully embraced life, proud that you have surpassed your struggles. 

The seasons, once a memory of Yeonjun’s entanglement with you, has now transformed into cherished memories of your time together. Now, he's able to hold you the same under the morning gaze—no longer stuck in limbo, Yeonjun is now able to live the rest of his life with you. The last year has been transformative for you both—having graduated and moved in together, you and Yeonjun were now ready to embark on another part of your journey. 

Together, you stepped into the world, eager to embrace every moment, every season and every challenge that came your way. Together, you would continue to bloom. 

Taglist.ᐟ – @yunverie, @filmnings, @yeonjunnnielover, @just-nc-tea, @iluvjjunie, @fancypeacepersona, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @bunniwords, @lostgirlyystuff, @beomgyusluver, @beaabz

adeline's closing ✉ - if you've made it to the end, I thank you for reading!! I'd also love to know which moment was your favourite, I'd love to hear your thoughts :] mine was the kiss in the rain!

[starry-snippets]

Father Figure Avdol fic? Maybe something that takes place after part 3? Maybe the reader reuniting with Avdol after the events of part 3! Just some cute fluff

sorry i didn't do a fic, instead i did headcanons then a snippet. hope you can enjoy anyway!

this is away from the canon events of the series! platonic (i worry it doesn't read that way but uh urm let me know if i should redo it anon!) avdol x gender neutral reader, no tws and just fluff

avdol says kiddo sorry not sorry i just love that word it's funny

☆ avdol has never stopped worrying about you. whether you went on this adventure with him or you've been looking after his shop during his absence, he's never been at peace knowing you may not be okay ☆ he'll try to call you at least once a week and will be so stressed if the calls never go through ☆ it always feels like there's a pit in his stomach. he's logical but when it comes to someone he cares about so much he's entirely emotional on the inside but can't let any of that out because it can jeopardize his and other's safety ☆ definitely writes you a letter after every battle because - as sad as it is - he's terrified that's all that will be left of him by the end of the trip ☆ once it's all over he's heading hastily to where ever you've been left alone at (probably his shop/apartment complex)

☆ when you're actually together after the time apart he'll do anything you want. order the food you'd like to eat for dinner, play any game or watch any show. avdol wants to make up for his absence ☆ won't go to bed until you're asleep because he's still a little bit paranoid about dio despite seeing him vanish ☆ will do a lot of little things for you to try and cheer you up. like he'll cut you apple bunnies if you like cute food, stuff like that ☆ won't force you to feel better immediately or anything. offers you resources if you'd like them, but doesn't force those on you either. lets you know he's here now and the situation is over, but won't act like it didn't happen and didn't impact you too ☆ sometimes he feels like he failed as a father figure because of this. regardless of if you're legally his child or if you just view him as a father figure. either way this haunts him and he needs a big hug

☆☆ snippet ☆☆

avdol is relieved to finally be heading home, but he's also even more stressed then when he was fighting dio. his heart is pounding in his ears, hard enough to give him a headache. worried out of his mind because the climax of it all is weighing heavy on him. you've been alone for such a long time, terrified of where he's been - if he's safe, and he's been fretting even more. avdol knows he didn't leave you without resources and a support system, but he also knows he's the person who's offered you the most kindest and support when you needed it most.

he never imagined being a parent in any capacity. but now with jagged breathing from walking so quickly out of the cab, dread easing ever-so-slightly from seeing his shop still standing, he feels like how holly did when she heard jotaro was locking himself in jail.

his steady knocks are responded with your voice yelling, clearly caught off guard from a visitor during closing time. avdol can't help but smile, reassured to know you're at least where he had to leave you.

the door opens with a slow drag, dragging the wood against the ground along with his heart against his ribs. when you see him standing there you feel tears in your eyes, arms immediately wrapping around him in the most sudden hug you've probably ever given him.

"you're safe!" you're fully sobbing into his neck, so relieved to know the person who's taken care of you so well made it back to all he left. you've been diligent to keep his shop functional despite the fear in your heart and the dread you could never vanquish. "you came back," between your cries you whisper it, in disbelief yourself. you weren't able to contact him for so long. the only heads up you had was lengthy yet vague letter saying he'll be gone for a while and will hopefully come back. "i was so scared you wouldn't come back."

avdol rubs your head as reassurance he's really back. his gut wrenches in pain because of how he's hurt you, but settles because he finally knows you haven't been targeted.

"i'm sorry, but i'm here now." he feels his own eyes grow heavy with budding tears. "i'll explain everything once we've caught up some, kiddo."

[aria0fgold]

Fill the Empty Spaces

Aubrey looked up at the ceiling as she balanced herself on her toes, up and down, she shifted her weight with a pout. Waiting for a boy called Omori, she continued her mission without ever knowing who he actually is, all Aubrey knows is that she needed to give her love letter to him. It the a most important purpose and perhaps the only one she had.

So there she stood, between two rows of lockers from both the left and the right, with a letter securely clutched in her hands behind her back. Without a clock to keep track of time, it felt like an eternity of waiting for a boy whose features start to blur.

Aubrey sighed, her brows furrowing as she looked down at her letter. It was then when her eyes widened and mouth agape. What was once a white envelope sealed with a pink heart became a deep purple with its seal now white. Filled with both confusion and worry, she opened the envelope to find a black paper inside with a with written in white ink.

“Open the locker to your left“

It was signed with three shapes, a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Aubrey glanced at the locker beside her, it looked completely normal with nothing seemingly out of place and surely she would’ve noticed anyone that passed by her yet no one did.

More importantly, how did my love letter get changed?! Now I’m gonna have to redo it!

With a slight frown, Aubrey looked back at the letter again. Although she had many questions about such a mysterious letter, she couldn’t help the feelings of excitement and curiosity bubbling inside her.

Maybe a little peek won’t hurt...

There was nothing much for her to do but wait and so, Aubrey made up her mind. Taking a deep breath, she slowly took her first step forward with stiff shaky legs and before long, she found herself in front of the aforementioned locker.

With a tilted head and slightly parted lips, Aubrey slowly and quietly opened the locker, leaning her body to the side to take a peek within, the entire area was pitch black. But in the middle of that darkness, a young girl with her back facing towards Aubrey sat hunched over all alone, only her pained cries can be heard in the endless void.

Worry getting the better of her, Aubrey took a step inside and before she knew it, she was crouched behind the little girl.

“Ah... uhm... What’s wrong?“

The girl flinched and quickly turned around, a red ring surrounded her sore eyes with tears still falling from her cheeks.

But what surprised Aubrey most of all was her face, though there was not a single mirror from where she once stood, she knew, the little girl and her looks the same while at the same time, being different.

She’s like the other Aubreys... though she has strange colours...

“...Who... Who are you?“ She asked.

“I’m Aubrey!“

“What...?“ The girl frowned deeply, she tightly clutched her Mr. Plantegg closer.

“Like I said, my name is Aubrey.“ She raised an eyebrow, “Anyway, are you doing okay now? Why were you crying? In this huge dark void even...“

Aubrey looked around, finally realizing a crucial problem to her situation. As she turned back to where she entered, the door leading to this strange place had completely vanished.

WHAT?!

She hurriedly ran towards the direction, feeling through the dark to find the locker door again, to no avail.

“ARRRGHH! Don’t tell me I’m stuck here now?!“

“...What are you doing...?“

“There was a door here! It was where I came in from!“

“...You’re weird.“

Huh?

Aubrey’s eyebrow twitched in irritation.

Calling me weird with that appearance... You’re the weird one!!!

With a pout, Aubrey tried calling out to the girl but stopped upon seeing her start crying again.

"Wh-what now?" In her panic, she hurriedly approached her, sitting just in front of the girl, unsure of what to do.

"I miss... Mari... I... Why... Why did she have to... Ma... ri..." The girl tried to speak between sobs. Although, Aubrey couldn't understand it at all.

She didn't know who Mari is, perhaps it was the girl's friend, and yet she felt as though she should know her too. Despite her memories only containing of one boy.

Hesitantly, Aubrey moved closer to the girl, wrapping her in a warm embrace. It was the only comfort she can offer to a girl whose pain she couldn't understand.

Chapter 2: Coming Soon

[beanswrites]

Ranking the SADDEST moments from Disney and Pixar movies that broke me

Before we begin may I just say that I had to redo this entire chart because I forgot Tumblr only lets me post 10 pictures so at first this chart had 21 SPOTS and I already wrote it up until like the eleventh when I realized I had to redo it.

GENERAL WARNING: This is sad, people. Like, really sad. The kind of sad that can make you cry, but also the kind that sinks in you for the rest of the day and doesn't leave until the next morning. This is just plain angst, death scenes, break up scenes, hurt scenes, you know the deal. If you aren't looking to be depressed by scenes from children's movies, please scroll away. If you are, welcome, and here's a tissue. You're gonna need it bud.

These are gonna be ranked from the least sad/tolerable to sobbing-on-the-floor kind of deal. Again, I'm sorry, but you know that I had to mix in some good ol' angst in people's dashboards. Keep in mind, this may not be too sad for u or u might feel that I missed some stuff, but these are just scenes that I considered sad.

10. Moana's grandma dying in "Moana"

Coming in on the last spot is the death scene of Moana's grandmother. I genuinely loved her character so much and I was so heartbroken and surprised when she suddenly died. It's ranked on the last spot because she later had an impact on the movie, so it felt like she was still there, which is really heart-warming and how actual death should be seen as.

9. The dad dinosaur dying in "The Good Dinosaur"

I don't know how many of you watched this movie (but you should, it's really cute!), but I think that a death scene of such an important character not even twenty minutes into the movie should be illegal. And they even had a fight before he died, so his son never got the chance to apologise! It's on this list not because it was so emotional, just because I hate when a family member who's very important dies.

8. Ian not getting to see his dad in "Onward"

Okay, I know this is not a death scene, however it still had a huge emotional impact on me. This whole movie resolves around the fact that Ian wants to see his dad, even just for a minute, so when he doesn't at the end, it's really devastating. The gesture he did for his brother is incredible, and I understand why he did it, I just wish that after all the trouble he went thru he could finally see him.

7. Ray's death in "Princess and The Frog"

Ray is one of the funniest characters in the entire movie, and this was one of the saddest death scenes Disney ever had.

Was he too good to die? Yes.

Was this the saddest part of this movie? Also Yes.

Did Disney had to do this? No.

It's really not fair, poor Ray. At least he got to be with his Evangeline.

6. Bing Bong Perishing in "Inside Out"

Bing Bong didn't actually die, however, he just kind of perished. I have to admit, he was kind of annoying to me when I first saw him on the screen, but I immediately regretted that thought when this scene happened. I love how he cared so much about Riley and Joy that he sacrificed himself for them, that was really cute. "Inside Out" all together was a really emotional movie, but I remember that the line "Go! Go, save Riley!" had me tearing up.

5. Bambi's mom dying in "Bambi"

Wow, my fellow angst lovers (I mean.. I'm assuming you like angst since you're already this far.. If you don't, than wow, you must be really curious!), we already made it to top five! The death of Bambi's mom honestly deserves a place on any chart of sad scenes, because some people even consider it the saddest. This scene is so sudden and so genuine that I still cry every time I see it, which isn't every often because I haven't watched "Bambi" in forever. Again, death of an important family member getting to me isn't anything new. But at least that made him closer to his dad!

4. The flashback scene from "Encanto"

Who would have thought that one of the saddest scenes from Disney and Pixar I would ever watch is from Disney's most recent movie: The Encanto. The scene where they showed how Abuela fell in love with Pedro was incredibly cute and heart-warming, which made his death even more tragic. There are three things that broke me about this scene:

1. The way he kissed all of his babies before trying to calm down the horse riders, before his death

2. Abuela's cry, that's so fucking raw and beautiful and horrifying and heart-wrenching in the same time that it did make me cry when I watched this two weeks ago. I think that Abuela crying here is one of the best animated cries ever

3. The entire song "Dos Oruguitas". SO beautiful and SO sad

wow my man Pedro didn't even say a word and I literately cried over him

3. Tadashi dying in "Big Hero 6"

(sorry, I couldn't find a better pic)

listen.

Listen

LISTEN HERE-

"Big Hero 6" came out in 2014 and I'M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS DEATH SCENE 7 YEARS LATER

Tadashi is one of the best (*ehm* and the hottest *ehm*) animated characters of all time and he didn't deserve what Disney gave him

NOT EVEN 20 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE

There was a period of time I refused to rewatch Big Hero 6 just and only because I didn't wanna se Tadashi dying again. I seriously think that his death was stupid and unnecessary, plus it somehow felt rushed, and without showing his helpful side but replacing it with the "somebody has to help" BS.

Welp, I guess that fanfics are the only way any of us are ever going to emotionally recover from this *aggressively starts writing fanfics where he didn't die, but just got hurt*

2. Ellie dying in "Up"

Coming in at the second place, probably the saddest thing that has ever happened in the first 12 minutes of any movie ever. This love story and the song "Married Life" are already good enough reasons to love this movie. Even tho many people love rewatching "Up" many times, I have actually seen this movie only once. It was a long time ago, but I remember that I was like sad or something, so I decided to watch it because it seemed like a movie that would cheer me up. HUGE mistake. I cried so hard that I almost threw up, so yeah. Definitely deserves a place this high on this chart.

1. Literately the whole movie "Coco"

This is the saddest movie I have ever watched, and in my opinion, the saddest movie Disney and Pixar ever made. This is the only movie I ever watched in a cinema that I seriously considered walking out of, just because I couldn't bear it. You're probably thinking that I'm overreacting a bit, but I lost my grandpa (who meant the world to me) not even two weeks before seeing this film, so it hit me like a bus. After it, I cried for weeks on end because it still bothered me, and to this day I haven't rewatched it (like I do with the rest of Disney movies) and I probably won't. It did have it's humour and I love "Un Poco Loco", but there isn't a sum of money you could pay me to rewatch this movie.

--

That would be all for this ranking! Hope you went thru it without too many used tissues. Tell me in the comments which Disney/Pixar movies scenes are the saddest to you!

The next ranking will be much happier than this one, so stay tuned and if you want me to rate something requests are open!

[yncu]

this was the worst part. being vulnerable... being pitied. yuna hated that feeling. being babied was always her favorite past time when but it came to dealing with anything that upset her, she preferred to shove it down and let it out on her own time and then get the fuck over it. but something like this was hard to swallow, the loss of trust and the sheer hurt was more than anyone could easily stomach. she wanted to run. to go outside and scream and smash things and cry. the whirlwind of emotions were like a hurricane raging through her. the storm seemed to simmer the moment that yeonjun crossed the space, pulling her into his embrace. what little semblance she had left of holding it together was immediately lost as a sob ripped from her chest. stupid. so fucking stupid, crying over a boy who hurt her feelings. she could barely breathe, but the familiar scent helped calm her. ❛ i'm sorry.. ❜ she murmured into the crook of his neck, sniffling as her hands curled into the fabric of his shirt. the sound of the waiter placing her drink of the table interrupted her spiral of sorrow. pulling back slightly, she carefully dried her tears with the napkin. now that the honesty train had left the station, might as well fess up to everything. ❛ i tried to hide it but i did a shit job, so i'm sorry for being late. i was crying earlier and had to redo my makeup. ❜ shaking her head, she ran her hands through her hair before letting out a shaky laugh. ❛ i don't even know why i'm crying anymore. i'm so angry still but i just want to forget everything. ❜ that wasn't entirely true. she wanted him to hurt as much as he hurt her but that was neither here nor there. turning her gaze to his, she gave him a soft smile. genuine despite the ache that still throbbed. fingers interlaced with his. ❛ thank you. ❜

mentally preparing for the worst, yeonjun's selfish lungs inhaled what they could. praying that the air would add patience to his short temper. yuna being the one that he could contain his composure but now seeing a hurt expression crossing her beautiful features and he was afraid that he would strike whoever hurt her. a tuck of his bottom lip in between his teeth when he copied her movement by resting his back on the chair. waiting for a response when he swore that each second felt like an eternity. "oh?" the breakup being a shock, and he hated feeling an ounce of relief. being anti-san made this seem like a small win in his book. there would be more of a celebration in his voice had he not seen the hurt plastered over the woman he loved his best friend. yuna providing the answer to his dire question hanging in his head. as quickly as his excitement came, it left. now feeling the anger that she might have possessed. "fucking asshole." mostly a mumble to himself. who in the hell would cheat on someone as perfect as her? why ruin a great thing? irritation swirled until he blew hot hair through his lips. yeonjun would have left had this been anybody else. track down san and swing until one of them would be left unconscious. his body fully prepared to stand from the chair and would have except he couldn't pull his eyes from yuna. he stood, but it wasn't to leave. instead, he scooted the chair closer to his best friend. "come here." saying it as his hand tucked behind her neck, pulling her forward until her head came in contact with neck and he cradled her close.

[heartofspells]

Fic Ask Game

Very late to this game, but ah! @msalexwp, this is a wonderful idea! Thanks for this! (and thanks @fonkeloog for the tag!)

1. Which fic are you most proud of and why?

I’ll probably have a few different answers for all of these, because choices are hard.

At the Healing Edge of Broken will always be my baby. As difficult as certain parts of it were to write, I will forever be proud of how it turned out and the messages I managed to leave within it. 

Devil is Raging (Amen) was another incredibly difficult write, but I’m so proud of that one. The emotions that went into it, the way I think (hope) a reader can feel that heartache and grief of losing someone so completely loved and important to them, the toll it takes on a person...I still look at it and am honestly amazed at what came out of my head.

Also, Blackness Bleeds. For it to have come entirely from random microfic prompts, I’m so happy with how it’s come together (and also sobbing because i’ve got two parts left to post and then it’s over, but let’s ignore that for now).

2. Which fic did you have the most fun writing and why?

Let the Bells Chime True was so. much. fun! Anytime I get the chance to write James and Sirius together, I know I’m in for some hilarity and havoc, but this one was just above and beyond. James’ exasperation at Sirius’ panicking, Sirius forgetting he also lived in the flat with Remus and knocking on his own front door...I still laugh about it.

Family on the Mend, of course. The entire premise of that one was so ridiculous and funny. But mainly it was fun because of @tracingpatternswrites. No further explanation needed there. She’s wonderful. I highly recommend her. All the plotting we did beforehand, and even during, was thoroughly entertaining, and still is.

Twelve Days of Chaos is an old one, but that one still makes me giggle when I think of it. Plotting out all the ways Sirius would be able to drive Remus mad over Christmas holidays was a delight and a half. 

3. Which fic left you emotionally tapped and why?

Double using here, but Devil is Raging (Amen). That one struck, and struck hard. It sat in my head for at least a week before I managed to get it out. I’d be driving to work, or actually at work, doing something so random, and all those emotions would just wash over me. It was more than a little crippling. To say that I had to shake it off myself is a massive understatement. It still lingers sometimes. It was a very heavy thing. 

I have no idea at this point who’s been tagged, so I apologize for any redos. I nominate @veriableflowers, @narcissa-black-supermacy, and @nikialexx! Go forth and brag, babes!

[amyscascadingtabs]

give you my wild, give you a child

"stupid numbers, think they’re so great. i'd love to see numbers give you a baby."

inspired by that one line in 8x08 renewal, because he really did give her a baby.

read on ao3

It's been three days and Amy can't stop crying.

 Sometimes she thinks it's stopped, that she'll finally have a stable moment to talk to her husband or eat a meal in peace or facetime some of the twenty or so relatives on her list, but it feels like it’s never more than minutes before her emotions swim to surface again and something new brings out the vibrating sobs that have seemed to characterize this day. As it turns out, even newly pregnant Amy has got nothing on three days postpartum Amy.

 That she cries about the big, life-changing things doesn’t surprise her. When she wakes up after a night of minimal sleep and sees Mac in the bedside crib next to her, she cries because she’s so grateful; that everything went well, that their baby is finally here and that he's perfect beyond words. Then she cries because she thinks about what could have happened if it hadn't gone well, because she gave birth in a makeshift birthing suite in a police precinct, and so many things could have gone wrong it’s a miracle nothing did. When she gets out of the shower, she cries seeing herself in the bathroom mirror, because she's proud of her body in a way she's never experienced before. Then she cries because she also barely recognizes the person staring back at her, still looking six months pregnant except with hospital underwear and nursing pads in her bra. When she has breakfast after feeding Mac and tries to read the newspaper, she cries because so many terrible things are happening in the world all the time, and she doesn’t know how she’s going to protect this child from a world that sometimes seems to be getting more and more cruel by the day. Then she cries out of guilt for feeling that way, because she’s supposed to be enjoying this baby bubble, and what kind of mother even is she for daring to think about anything but her baby right now?

  As the day goes on, however, her reasons for crying begin to feel increasingly ridiculous. She cries because she’s so relieved to be drinking regular coffee again, then because it doesn’t taste the same as decaf and she’s gotten so used to it that the caffeine tastes weird now. She cries because the coffee goes cold anyway when Mac begins to whimper and suck on his fingers in the way he seems to do whenever he’s hungry and she has to drop everything to feed him another time. She cries when Jake turns on the television and a commercial for diapers comes on, because she can’t believe they get to buy them now. Then she cries when Mac has finished eating because the red flannel she borrowed slash stole from Jake won’t button properly, and she realizes one of the buttons has gone in the wrong hole and she has to redo the whole thing. When Jake offers to help her with it, that makes her cry too, because the way he’s not laughing at her right now but patiently trying to solve her problems is making her feel so loved she doesn't know how to thank him.

  The thing that makes her cry most of all, though, is watching Jake and Mac together. She always knew that sight would drive her crazy, and it’s part of the reason she wanted to have kids with him so much in the first place, but not even in her most indulgent fantasies about their future could she have pictured this. As grateful as she is over the fact that she gets to be a mom, getting to see Jake be a dad is a close second. He loves their son so much, and Mac so clearly loves him too, and Amy has to remind herself of the nine months she's spent carrying this child by herself in order not to feel jealous when Mac stops fussing the moment Jake picks him up. He looks so tiny when Jake holds him, the back of his head fitting perfectly in Jake's palm, and the care with which he’s handling him keeps making her emotional. He's always talking to him, sometimes whispers she can't hear and sometimes praise for her which she can, and that makes her cry too. He even chats to him when he changes his diapers, which Amy hides behind the door frame just so she can hear, failing to stifle a giggle when he asks in a fake interrogation voice what Mac has to say to his defense for making such a mess. He wakes up with her in the middle of the night when she has to breastfeed to get her endless glasses of water and granola bars when it makes her feel starving, and then he lets Mac burp him in the face and spit up on the back of his shirt before he falls back asleep curled up on his chest. He leans his chin on the top of Mac’s head to smell that perfect baby scent, running his finger over those cute neck rolls, and the smile on his face when he looks back at Amy makes her completely lose it, because this is what she dreamed of all along.

  This is what she imagined when they visited her brother Christian’s new baby shortly before they got married and Jake spent the better part of an hour making funny faces to the child in his arms. This is what she panicked over when he said he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, because she had always thought. This is what she thought of those nights after another timed round of unenthusiastic sex, trying to keep the hope alight until that single line would once more tell them not this time. She had felt it in his teary smile when she showed him that first positive test, in how hard he'd squeezed her hand at their first ultrasound when their baby’s heartbeat had filled the room, in the absolute joy on his face the first time he’d managed to put his hand on her stomach just in time to feel their son kick, and now it's right in front of her and almost too much for her heart to take.

 She's so tired, and she's sore and overwhelmed and worried about a billion different things, but she's never felt so grateful.

 That's what makes her cry floods at three a.m. when Mac seems to have finished eating and she comes back from the bathroom to find Jake still sitting up with him in bed, holding him with a hypnotised look on his face. He doesn’t even seem tired, even though he must be, is just looking at his son like he’s holding the entire world in his arms and doesn’t ever want to let go. She always knew seeing him with a baby would be incredible, those surprisingly toned biceps curling around a fragile little human and those heart eyes focused on one thing only, but maybe she hadn’t expected not being able to watch it without breaking into tears.

 “Jeez, Ames,” he says when he looks up, the expression on his face changing to one of concern. “Are you okay? Honestly?”

“Yeah,” she sniffles and dries her eyes again as she sits down on the bed. The skin on her cheeks is stinging at this point. “I just can’t believe this is my life.”

“Why not?” Mac’s pacifier glides out of his mouth, and Jake puts it back with two fingers before he can notice anything. “We’re right here, babe. We’re very much real.”

“Sometimes I thought it was never going to happen.” She hiccups. “All the times we’ve been apart. The months we fought to have him. How freaking long and exhausting being pregnant was. And now I have him, and you, and I’m just so grateful I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“That’s why you’re crying?”

“I think I don’t even know why I’m crying anymore. I’m so sleep-deprived.”

“Yeah.” Jake smirks. “But I get it. I’m really, really grateful too.”

 Mac makes a short gurgling sound that Amy takes to mean he agrees. She reaches out so his hand can wrap around her ring finger, feeling him squeezing it tight in the cutest grip. The grey striped pajamas has little mittens on it to keep him from scratching herself, but Mac gets upset whenever they pull them down, so Amy figures they'll just have to keep filing his nails instead. Their son is already both opinionated and stubborn, and she loves it about him, because she loves everything about who he is. He's perfect, and he's hers, and she still can't quite believe it even though he's right there in Jake's arms. It's all her dreams coming true, and it's making all the hard things feel so worth it.

 “Jake?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for giving me a baby,” she whispers. She’s too tired, barely even knows what she's saying anymore, but looking at the two of them, all she can think about is how incredibly lucky and thankful she feels.

Jake blinks in disbelief, grinning at her. “Wait, I gotta make sure I heard this right. Did you just thank me for giving you a baby?”

“Uh-huh?”

“And you're serious about this?”

“Well… yeah.”

“So you mean after nine months,” he says, still wide-eyed, “of you telling me, minimum a couple times a week but pretty much daily toward the end, that I could never understand what you're going through, and then you shouting some lovely descriptions at me whilst you were literally pushing him out, and also earlier this evening when you cried because I can't breastfeed him for you – you’re thanking me?”

“Some of it was a team effort,” she insists. “You helped.”

“Oh yeah, my nards sure are loving the credit.”

“Don't be gross.”

“Sorry.” He smiles, a little bashfully, stroking his fingers back and forth over Mac’s forehead instead of looking at her. “But Ames, c’mon. It was a pretty limited effort compared to what you did.”

“Maybe they’re not the same thing.” She leans her head on his shoulder. Mac is still holding on to her finger, but his grip is getting looser now. “But you were part of it too, babe.”

“Really?” He’s blushing. “What did I do that was so special?”

“Let's see. You didn’t laugh at me when I kept crying at everything the first weeks. Rosa made fun of me on a daily basis, but you just hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. You let me sleep in when I had days off, even though I pretended I wanted you to wake me up. You fixed food for me without telling me what it was, and put it in front of me before I could feel sick thinking about it.” She shakes her head at the memory of those, few but complicated, weeks, and how hard they’d had to work around it. “You kept telling me I looked great even when my body kept changing and it all felt weird, and helped me pick out maternity wear when I didn’t want to do it on my own. I don’t know that I would have taken barely any bump pictures if you hadn't made me. You listened to all my research about the best strollers and pacifiers and cribs, and you did those courses and read all those books with me, and you came to almost every scan and held my hand so tight every time. You came home with onesies and hats because you thought they were too cute not to buy, and you gave me massages whenever I wanted them, and you even slept on the couch a couple nights at the end when I got angry at you for snoring. You barely even complained about it.”

“I complained a little,” Jake mumbles. “When you couldn’t hear me.”

“Fine. And lastly, you rode a horse through the city to get to me while I was in labor, and you didn’t even act like seeing him be born was gross.”

“I mean, it was a little bit gross.” Jake lifts Mac so he can kiss his forehead when he whimpers. “No offense, bud. I mean you looked perfect, I didn’t think you looked like a slimy alien even for a second, didn’t cross my mind, et cetera.”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes. “Point is, babe, you were there. You're here now. I know I did the actual work, but you were the one who made sure I could. I don’t know how I would have made it through without you. So… thank you.”

 He doesn't give her any witty comebacks for that, only a shy smile.

“I love you,” Amy all but whispers through the tears that fight their way through her determination to keep them in. “Both of you. So much.”

“Love you, Ames.”

She kisses him, putting her hands on each side of his thighs so she can reach over Mac. Kissing is a lot more complicated than usual when both his hands are busy and none of them wants to risk crushing their son, but it's still nice, feeling his soft lips on hers and squeezing his lower lip between both of hers for just a moment before pulling apart.

“It's hard to kiss you while you're holding a baby,” she says, and Jake grimaces. “That might be the only bad thing about it.”

“My bad. I’m just going to put him down so we can make out all night.”

“Don't you dare. He currently doesn't have a boob in his mouth and he's still not crying, you're not doing anything to risk that now.” Amy pulls the comforter up to her chin. “Wake me up when he needs to eat again and not a second earlier.”

Jake chuckles at her as she turns out the light and snuggles up close to him, but he makes no move to put Mac down or even protest, and she didn't think it was possible to love him even more. Her heart has definitely grown with becoming a mom, much like everyone told her about, but most seem to have forgotten to prepare her for how much it would also grow when it came to her partner.

 “I still think I’m the one who should say thank you,” Jake whispers just as she closes her eyes, and Amy can't help but smile. “If we're talking about who gave who a baby.”

“Jake, just accept the praise.”

“Oh, yeah.” She doesn't need to see his face to know that he's grinning. “I’ve locked it in a little box in my brain and I’m gonna keep it as gloat material forever, bringing it up when you least expect it.”

“That's great, babe.”

“Mm-hmm. We both know the truth, though.” Jake's left hand strokes over the top of her head, and Amy has to look up to see that Mac is still resting safely on his right arm and doesn't seem to have noticed a thing. Another tear fight its way down her cheek at the thought of how safe he must feel with him. This time, she doesn’t even bother to wipe it away.

 ~