#so i fear i'm in too deep now . goodbye friends .

[faerytreealtars]

[ Artwork used for piles are all by JosieWren ]

Pile One - Green Woman.

Cards - Queen of Cups, Strength & Five of Swords.

Spirit is saying loud and clear that the blessing they bring your way is something you may not notice physically, at least not at first because they are helping you, help yourself! Those who struggle with limiting thoughts, anxiety that keeps your mind racing all day and night or even feeling too much just for being yourself. Say goodbye to those struggles, take a breath, and allow your body to release. Treat your emotions like the messengers they are, be gentle and kind to yourself and give yourself some grace... You are only a little human living in a big chaotic world no one is asking for perfection except perhaps you, yourself. I see that spirit is blessing you with the recognition to realise your strength. Your strength has brought you here to this moment and you have done so well, worked so hard, Be proud of yourself and recognise your achievements. You can't attract more or rush more blessings if you're failing to notice the blessing of NOW. Spirit says to practice more breathwork as you carry on through this journey. So to finish off, the blessings that spirit is bringing your way is the freedom to be yourself and embrace the moment more often so you can live more happily and less anxiously. As the wise man Newt Scamander once said "Worrying means you suffer twice oh and before I sign off on your reading I just heard "If you have a dream, just do it, you can't strategize it for that is not the mysterious way that spirit provides"

Pile Two - Woman of Ferns Cards: Two of Cups, Ten of Pentacles & The Sun

Spirit is announcing an end to relationships and connections that are not authentic, true or aligning with your divine soul. I see new people coming into your life in the form of deep loving friendships and perhaps a few romances for those who are open to it. These new friends will help you attract more joyful moments and adventures into your life and share with them making loads of new memories to reflect upon fondly. For a tiny amount of you, I see that at least one of these new connections you make will allow you to have a dream come to life in the career sphere in a collaborative effort and create something that will provide long-lasting abundance to you and any future family that you may have. Now, before you run off in glee and excitement for these new connections Spirit has some advice they wish to share. Firstly remain open-minded you may find connection with the most unlikeliest of people, those who you may think you have nothing in common with based on first appearances. I'm seeing the image of Elphaba and Glinda from Wicked and hearing the song "What is this feeling?" so that's a BIG hint from spirit. Secondly, you need to make an effort too, not anything that feels forced off course but for those who are more introverted, quiet or shy (I'm in this gang too so don't worry I'm not judging but Spirit is kind of gently scolding me now too, so you're not alone!) don't be afraid to show your interest back and open up more, you can't attract your soul tribe if you aren't letting the world see your "vibes" and also I'm hearing don't procrastinate on joining in on clubs, causes or community lead projects out of fears of not fitting in. It's time make this the year you live with no regrets and try everything you feel called towards.

Pile Three - Moth Winged Faery Cards: The World, Five of Cups & Five of Wands

With the world and two court cards with the number 5 present I see your blessing involves a very big change, and one that may push you out of your comfort zone. This will be a divine transformation of self in so many ways. I feel some of you wish to travel or move away from your current location, to leave behind conflict with others and perhaps even yourself and you will, that is something spirit promises to help you bring in. They want to remind you to be patient with not only yourself but the world in general. Many great shifts are about to happen this year and though it may feel like everything is unravelling apart that is only the illusion of a limited mind, if you take the time to tune into your intuition you will see that in fact it is actually things coming together but first you must stop resisting and gripping on to those or that which must leave. The truth is we cannot move on to better places or times without making some sacrifices, it is those who are willing to sacrifice that which they believe is important (spoiler alert: it's not!) that can then be compensated by spirit with even better things. It is all so different for so many of you but trust in yourself and you will instinctively know what is meant to go.

My gratitude to those who stayed, spared their time and read these messages, I Know Spirit will put in the path of those who are meant to read it. I wish you luck and love wherever you may be. <3

[saturdays--sun]

h-haha. y-yeehaw baby. (<- is remembering how weak i am to cowboys)

[haeryna]

the purest shade of white ↪ okkotsu yuuta x reader ⸙͎｡˚⋆ 𓋼

summary: yuuta looks almost like an angel, you think to yourself grimly, as you shift on the balls of your feet. you haven't seen your best friend in a couple years now, not since he left for africa. too bad he's attempting to kill the kouhai that you're trying to protect.

tw: manga spoilers! anime watchers, do not read. mild angst but happy ending. starts at the beginning of ch. 139. naoya zenin is here and he is his classic asshole self. reader is in the same grade as yuuta, both in age and in terms of cursed energy. swearing because reader is a bad bitch. mildly suggestive. unironic use of "senpai" and "kouhai." slight descriptions of blood and injury, everyone is subjected to the author's attempts at writing dialogue and fight scenes. not proofread but at this point that shouldn't be a surprise. it is blatantly obvious that the writer also does not know how to end stories

notes: thank you for 100 new friends! :) poll is technically still up but i'm impatient and yuuta was winning by a pretty decent margin so here it is lol. divider by @/saradika-graphics!

"Yuuji!" you yelp, slicing the head off a curse with a clean stroke of your katana. Purple ichor splatters to the ground as you whirl, searching for the familiar head of pink hair. "Stay close to me!"

Behind you, Choso grunts with exertion, sending out another bolt of Piercing Blood. Panting, you weave through the curses, letting their corpses fall behind you. Yuuji, where is Yuuji?

As the last body falls, you can't but let out an exasperated huff at the sheepish grin on Yuuji's face. "Don't scare me like that," you chide. "How am I supposed to protect you if I can't even find you?" Yuuji opens his mouth to protest but you shake your head. "I made a promise," you tell him, pain rippling through your heart dully. Gojo-sensei was long gone, stolen away by one of the people he had loved most in the world. Grimacing, you sheathe your katana, mindful of the blood that stains your palms, as you try to ignore the memory of his words all those months ago.

If anything happens, I need you to protect Itadori Yuuji. I know they're going to pull something on him once I'm not there to back him up.

"Senpai, what should-"

Yuuji immediately tenses as your hand flies to the grip of your katana. "I smell a rat," you mutter, nose wrinkling as you turn to face Naoya Zenin, standing atop a bridge. He bares his teeth at you in semblance of a smile. "How perceptive as always," he mocks.

"Cut the bullshit," you snap, hand still resting on the pommel. "What do you want?"

"Fushiguro Megumi," is his rather bland response, and you shift your feet into the opening steps of Flowing River.

"What do you want with Fushiguro?" Yuuji yells, and the way Naoya's face twists makes you want to vomit.

"I think I'll have him die."

Cursed energy fills your body as you leap. Naoya's resounding cackle burns through your ears as you swing, barely grazing his shoulder. Before you can push forward off your feet, a heavy presence rests on your shoulders, locking you in place. All four of you freeze. Yuuji and Choso look horrified, and Naoya looks as though he's broken out into a cold sweat. But you know this feeling, feel it settle back into your body as if it never left.

Okkotsu Yuuta steps out from the building ledge, dark eyes unreadable. Your body sings. Yuuta, Yuuta, Yuuta! His hair has grown longer, bangs sweeping over his forehead, eyebags a little darker than they used to be. You can feel Rika's presence, swirling around you in a mass of death and decay. You're used to it. You've grown to crave it, even. His eyes meet yours, and for a split second, his facade cracks. Confusion, fear, and...regret?

Yuuta leaps, slamming into concrete and sending shockwaves deep into your bones. "Who's with Itadori?" God, even his voice is different, so different from the boy who said goodbye to you so long ago. You open your mouth to speak, but Choso beats you to it, brows furrowed.

"So you're Yuuji's executioner."

Blood turns to ice in your veins, and you can tell by the pained expression Yuuta has that you aren't hiding your emotions as well as you think you are. Naoya laughs. "I was going to tell you that, but you were being too emotional like the bitch you are."

"Who're you?"

Yuuta's voice is cold, but as Naoya babbles on, you can feel the horror settle thickly into your chest. Choso and Yuuji are talking behind you but it feels like you're underwater, you're sinking, drowning, and Yuuta must have come to a conclusion because all of a sudden he's surging forward-

You move before you can even think, steel clashing against steel. "Yuuji," you say, through gritted teeth. "Run."

A horrible grating noise fills the air as you let cursed energy flow through your body, shoving Yuuta's sword away from yourself. "I won't let you kill him," you hiss, body already shifting into Jagged Bolt. Yuuta's eyes flash as you surge forward, katana in hand.

"How would you describe my cursed technique?" you had asked Gojo, mindlessly swinging your feet. Gojo hums.

"Have you ever heard of Newton's Law's of Motion?"

You had crinkled your nose at that. "No?"

"An object in motion, stays in motion. Except you are the object. And your cursed energy is the motion." You remember how Gojo's lips curved slightly. "In other words, once you start, nobody can stop you."

You're crying, you realize with a start, as you cut a line into Yuuta's chest. Moisture seeps from your eyes as you twist your forearm into a parry, katanas sparking with each strike. Belatedly, you sense that Yuuji, your foolish, stupid, loyal kouhai has stayed, trading strikes with his fists between the precise movements of your blade. Your heart drops as Yuuta reaches for the ring on his finger.

No. No!

He twists it, and Rika appears behind you. Claws sink into your shoulder and you let out a cry of pain as she flips you into the ground.

"Be nice, Rika," Yuuta chides, as you hit the concrete. Blood spurts from your mouth as you choke, fingers clawing at the ground desperately for your katana. A piece of scaffolding is practically crushing your legs; instinctively, you know that if you try to break through it, you'll tear your limbs right off.

As Rika holds Yuuji up, you lunge desperately, uncaring of what you have to sacrifice. Inumaki's arm, the way half of Nobara's face had been practically ripped out of her skull, the remains of Nanami-san, the way that you were the one to find Maki's charred body-

I can't lose anyone else.

You scream as Yuuta pierces Yuuji's chest with his katana, cursed energy building in your legs as you prepare to shoot forward. Yuuta turns, eyes filled with an unidentifiable emotion as he sees you about to tear yourself in half just to reach Yuuji.

With a wave of his hand, Rika dives for you, and everything goes dark.

Yuuta had known you were special from the day he'd first met you. That spring, when Gojo-sensei had dropped him (and Rika) into a class of unsuspecting first years, he remembers that out of the four of them, you had moved so gracefully that he hadn't processed the katana in your hand until you'd pressed it against your throat.

"Gojo-sensei," you'd hissed. "What is this?"

While Maki, Inumaki, and Panda had been subsequently bruised up by Rika, you had dodged every single one of her movements until Rika had been (barely) called back by Yuuta.

"Another Special Grade," Gojo had hummed. "Just like you, hm?"

Special Grade?

What he hadn't realized then, he realized later; you weren't just special to him, but to the entire rest of the Jujutsu World as well. Special Grade Sorcerers were rare, Maki had told him. "You only have it because of Rika," she'd scoffed, "but she deserves it."

You quickly became one of his closest friends. You were fast enough to dodge Rika's ire, even laughing whenever she tried. You'd shown Yuuta kindness that he didn't think he deserved. You broke him out of his shell enough so that when he left for Africa, he felt as though he was standing with his own strength. His first katana had been the sister blade of your own, forged from the same metal by the same hands. The way your eyes had lit up when you saw it was a memory he cherished.

Somberly, Yuuta eyes the chains encasing your wrists and ankles, each decorated with the slips of protective paper that would nullify your cursed energy. Most sorcerers required only one. You required at least twenty.

He knows you, knows the way you always take the strawberry daifuku, leaving him the red bean ones even though he knows you prefer the red bean. He knows that you push yourself hard, harder than he's ever seen anyone work. But most of all, he knows your loyalty, how once your heart finally lets someone in, you'll never let them go.

Did you miss him like he missed you?

The chains are more for your own protection. He needs you to hear him out before you attempt to end his life for a second time. Yuuta knows now that Gojo must have asked you the same thing he'd asked him; to keep Itadori Yuji safe from the whims of the higher ups. Gojo, being the forgetful bastard he was, probably didn't alert you to the fact that he'd gone to Yuuta for help as well. Crouching, Yuuta eyes your body with a sad tilt of his lips. The injuries you'd sustained were immense, and it had taken quite a bit of his own cursed energy to reverse.

Will you forgive him?

You're asleep, breath hitching every so often. Yuuta wonders what you're dreaming of, before pushing the thought away. Tenderly, he cups your face in the palm of his hand, calloused fingers stroking your cheek.

"You need to wake up now," he murmurs, as your eyes flutter open, first in dazed confusion, before sharpening into panic.

"I'll miss you!" you'd cried, as you clung to Yuuta under the shade of the large oak. You were the first person he had told about his departure to Africa, and you took it hard. Yuuta had stood frozen as the first of your tears had dripped down your cheeks. It was the first time he'd seen you cry.

"I'll be back before you know it," he'd murmured, pressing a featherlight kiss to the top of your head. You'd looked up to him, eyes teary.

"Promise?"

"I promise," he'd said, interlocking his pinky with your own. A love like Yuuta's is a dangerous thing, you know, but in this moment you feel nothing but safe.

The first sensation you feel upon awakening is the dull ache in your (miraculously still attached) legs. The second is the warmth on your cheek. Yuuta is standing above you, hand gently resting against your face. Immediately you lunge forward, teeth bared. The rattle of chains stops you, and you swear. Of course he would have taken precautions. Yuuta looks almost hurt as you violently shake off his touch.

"Don't touch me, I swear to god I'm going to rip you apart."

Yuuta says your name sadly, but you're practically trembling with rage.

"He was just a kid, with the kind of power we wield, why the fuck would you listen to the higher ups?"

Yuuta echoes your name a bit more firmly, but you ignore him, tears building in your eyes.

"You're no better than the rest of them are you, you're just-"

"Senpai!"

Your heart stops as Yuuji pokes his head out from around the corner. They must have brought you back to Jujutsu Tech, you think distractedly. Just how long were you out?

"Yuuji!" you cry out, scanning his body for any injuries. He seems to be uninjured, but most importantly, he's alive. Tears fall down your cheeks. "Are you alright?"

Yuuji appears horrified by the sudden outburst as he hastily holds up his hands. "I'm fine, senpai, really, I'm sorry for worrying you. Okkotsu-san is actually on our side, I swear! It was a binding vow, that's why he had to actually kill me, but he did some really cool Reverse Technique shit and I'm all good now!"

Warily, you eye Yuuta, whose expression resembles that of a kicked puppy. "Okkotsu Yuuta," you say, voice hard. "Let me out of these chains right fucking now."

With a wave of his hand, the papers attached to the chains fall to the floor. Yuuta looks dejected as he looks away from you. "I'm so sor-"

Before he can finish you immediate tackle him into a hug, knocking the both of you into the floor as you bury your face into the soft slope of his neck. "You're such an idiot," you sob, unable to hide the rush of emotions going through you. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Tentatively, Yuuta wraps his arms around you, and you melt, pressing yourself closer to his body. "To be honest, I think Gojo-sensei is to blame. I think he forgot to mention to either of us that he asked us to do the exact same thing."

You let out a hiccupping laugh. "Of course he did. That forgetful asshole."

The sigh Yuuta lets out is shaky as he nuzzles the top of your head. "I'm so, so sorry," he tells you earnestly. "I must have scared you, and Rika's mad at me for making me hurt you like that. I think she likes you, even though she pretends not to."

You look up at him, really look at him, and see the look of adoration in his eyes as he stares back down at you. Thankfully Yuuji's escaped long ago, most likely understanding that you two would need privacy. "You came back," you whisper, and Yuuta's resulting smile makes your heart skip a beat.

"I promised you, didn't I?"

Before you can stop yourself, you pull Yuuta down for a searing kiss. He's so soft, and you nip at the plush of his bottom lip teasingly, pulling a whine from his throat. His large hands grip your hips, and in retaliation, you grab a fistful of his hair and tug. The breathy noise he makes goes straight between your thighs. You know he can feel your smile against his lips.

"I missed you," you breathe, pulling away. Yuuta looks dazed, lips kiss swollen, pupils so dilated that you can barely see the soft brown of his eyes.

"I love you," he blurts out, and your resulting laugh is airy as you press another chaste kiss to his lips.

"I've always loved you, Yuuta," you admit. "During Shibuya, I thought I wasn't going to make it. You were the only thing keeping me going."

The look in his eyes is fierce as he tugs you back into him, enveloping you in his arms. "You'll never have to worry about that again. You have my entire life. Where you go, I'll follow, and if I die, not even Death would be able to separate me from your side."

"Those sound a lot like wedding vows, don't you think?"

Yuuta's blush covers his entire face and you grin, pressing one last kiss to his lips. "Come on now. We have kids we need to protect."

As Yuuta leads you to where the others have convened, even under the dark circumstances you're in, the warmth of his hand clutching yours fills you with a giddiness you hadn't experienced in months. The sentiment is quickly dashed as soon as Maki opens her mouth.

"Fucking finally. Inumaki owes me 3,000 yen."

[thebeast-dennis-etcetera]

Interference Part 2

Prompt: You run to your FBI neighbor when you and your boyfriend get into a fight.

Part 1

You shut your laptop with a frustrated sigh and crossed out the last address you had written down on your pad of paper. The last two days you had been searching for a place to rent, only to be turned down due to your bad credit or limited income. You didn’t have the privilege of asking your family for help, most of them had shunned you once you got into your relationship and the few that did still speak with you were in no position to lend you money.

Your phone rang again for the 3rd time in 30 minutes, a blocked number popping up on the screen. You had ignored it the last 2 times for the fear that it was your boyfriend, but he should still be in jail with no chance of making phone calls, right?

Deciding it wouldn’t really hurt to answer it, you slid the call open and instantly regretted it once the familiar devious voice spoke to you.

“Hello bird,” he greeted with fake sincerity, using the pet name he made for you as a jab at your eating habits. The fear shot through you just as hard as the other night, rendering you speechless.

“I’m out baby. I’ll be home soon and we can sit down and talk about everything. Hopefully you were able to get the house cleaned, it was a mess the last time I was there.”

He didn’t get a chance to say anything more before you ended the call. Anxiety and fear began creeping into your body, making you scramble to grab a luggage bag from the closet before shoving some clothes, toiletries, and your laptop in it. Running into the living room, you peeked out of the curtains, hoping to see Aaron’s car in the driveway. No such luck.

So grabbing your keys, you left the house, not even bothering to lock it and threw your luggage into the backseat of your car. You tore out of the driveway and down the street like a bat out hell, unsure exactly how far away your boyfriend was. As reckless as driving 50 in a residential was, you took your chances of being pulled over and put as much distance between you and that house before dialing Aaron’s number at a red light.

“Hotchner,” he answered professionally from the other line.

“Aaron. He got out. I don’t know how, maybe his mom paid his bail. He called me and said he was on his way to me.” Your words were fast and frantic. You would've continued rambling had Aaron not stopped you.

"Y/N. Just take a deep breath for me, alright?"

The light turned green and you did as he instructed, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, it doing very little to calm your frazzled nerves but appreciated it regardless.

"Now do you have anywhere you can go, maybe a friends house or family member? Somewhere you'd be safe?"

"No," you spoke. "I don't have any friends and most of my family disowned me when I got into this stupid relationship. The rest of them live on the West Coast."

There was a pause of silence as you felt him thinking over the phone. Most likely figuring out the easiest way to get rid of you and your problems.

"Alright. I have some down time before my meeting in an hour. Why don't you come by and we can figure out a plan. I'll send you the address, just take the elevator to the 4th floor."

A second later you felt the buzz of your phone from the incoming text message. "Ok. Thank you so much Aaron. And I'm so sorry for taking up your time." Tears threatened to fall but you held them back.

"Don't be sorry, Y/N. I want to help you. Don't worry, we'll get this all sorted out. Just text me when you arrive."

"I will," you replied before you both said goodbye and hung up. You put the address in your navigation and drove mindlessly through traffic, so many thoughts going through your head it made you want to scream.

The address wasn't too far from your own homes, arriving there in less than an hour and heading into the very drab looking building before taking the elevator, texting Aaron that you had arrived on the way up.

You had just made it to the front desk before seeing Aaron headed in your direction, giving the receptionist a small smile. "She's with me Lonnette, thank you."

You waited as Lonnette printed your visitor badge and handed it over with a friendly smile before following Aaron through the floor, passing by glass offices and cubicles. You were quiet, not really in the mood for small talk which you felt he sensed and didn't bother saying anything as he lead you up some stairs to an office that you presumed was his by the gold name plaque on his desk.

"Have a seat, please," he offered politely, closing the door and walking over to his side of the desk. "Would you like something to drink? Water? Coffee?"

You shook your head. "No thank you. I appreciate the offer though."

He unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down, moving some files to the side. "So I'm genuinely surprised to hear that he's out of jail. You said you think his mother bailed him out?"

"Yeah. I don't think she knows anything about what happened but whenever he asks her for money, she just sends it to him. I think she feels guilty for never being in his life so giving him money when he needs it helps her feel better about it." You rung your hands together, anxious about the whole situation as well as being there, talking with a man that was pretty much a complete stranger, bugging him for help.

"And he called you afterwards, telling you that he was on his way? Did he seem upset?" His tone was curious as if trying to get every piece of puzzle to fit perfectly in order to build an accurate idea of who your boyfriend was. It made sense considering his profession.

"I don't know. He's really good at hiding his anger until he snaps. He was talking like nothing had happened and we were just going to go back to normal." Your head whipped towards the open window blinds where someone was just walking by, Aaron noticing your jumpy behavior immediately.

"You're safe here. No one knows anything about what happened except you and I," he reassured you, making you relax just a little. "I don't think he'll be out of jail for long though, at least until he sees the judge for arraignment. I will personally see to that."

His words brought you a bit of placidity and hope as you still wondered why he would go through such lengths to help you out.

"I do have a small flat not far from here that I use occasionally for late nights at the office when I don't want to drive all the way home. You can stay there for now, until you find a place of your own if you'd like. Completely up to you, I don't want you to feel pressured."

Your eyes looked up from the floor to meet his, surprised by his offer.

"I- uh. I couldn't impose on you like that-

"You wouldn't be. I barely use it anymore, I prefer to be at my home with my son whenever I can."

Son? He has a son. Of course he does. He probably also has a wife or at least a girlfriend since you didn't see a ring on his finger. The thought of him with a son didn't bother you, in fact it only gave you more of a reason to trust him.

"If you're sure you don't mind," you said, trying not to sound too excited, relieved that you wouldn't have to go back to your boyfriends house. "Please let me pay some sort of rent or something though. It's the least I can do."

He shook his head no, his expression soft and nonchalant. "Don't worry about it. You're gonna need the money for your new place. Just promise me that you won't contact him or go back to that house unless you have some sort of escort, preferably by law enforcement."

You could be my escort.

You nodded in agreement, ignoring your thoughts.

“Alright then. I can send you the address and give you the keys now. I'm not sure if the fridge is stocked but feel free to add or throw anything away. There is a washer and dryer there so you can wash the sheets and anything else you need." He pulled his keys from his desk drawer and removed a ring with a single key on it, holding it out for you.

You took it gratefully and stood with him as he buttoned his suit back up and checked his watch.

"Could I at least make you dinner or something?" you blurted, not sure where such confidence came from. "I mean, I just want to do something for you in return for your incredible generosity." You couldn't stop the blush from burning your cheeks, your words successfully embarrassing yourself.

A small smile played at the corner of his mouth, showing off just the slightest sight of dimples. "I'll be with my son tonight but maybe we could grab a coffee sometime tomorrow."

You smiled back, more than satisfied with his offer and followed him out of his office, feeling a few stares from people but avoided eye contact. Aaron walked you back to the receptionist and even had her add you as a contact so visiting would be an easier feat.

"Thank you again Aaron," you spoke, the anxiety you had been feeling for the last few hours, finally beginning to dissipate. He answered with a friendly nod and you entered the elevators. Once the doors closed and you were completely alone, you took in a deep breath. Maybe everything was going to be ok like he said.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

mother feed us we are hungry in horny jail

"I didn't expect you to show up," the hero said. They worried their bottom lip between their teeth.

"How could I not?"

"You have never been a fan of goodbyes. You usually just disappear whenever you want."

"This is different," the villain said. They took a step towards the hero and touched their collarbone immediately. It had become a habit, a simple motion that calmed both their anxiety. The hero knew about that, about the endless worries and the bottomless fears. It was everlasting, it was always hovering.

It came with the job, they supposed. But the villain had it, too. And the hero's colleagues had it and the hero's boss had it. Like a sickness with no cure.

So, in a way, a simple touch could be like medicine.

"I'm scared," the hero admitted.

"Why?" The villain pressed a soft kiss to the hero's shoulder and the hero allowed themselves to imagine this was an evening like any other. Just for a second, though.

"I can't lose you and I...I just can't let go. I can't. I don't want to."

It had started half a year ago. The villain had been injured and the hero, although absolutely terrified, had saved them from certain death. Ever since, the villain had been like a protective shadow that followed them.

And then one night, they had kissed for the first time when the villain had saved the hero.

What had happened after that was quite clear: two people who were not supposed to be with each other couldn't keep their hands off each other and started regularly without anyone else knowing.

And now, the villain had to leave for three months.

"You don't have to let go," the villain said. Their voice was - as always - calm and soft. Their hand travelled down the hero's side until it reached their hip and the hero couldn't fight the oncoming blush. "I promise you won't have to."

"But what if you come back and you don't like me anymore? What if you find someone else?" the hero asked. Those questions had boiled inside of them for quite a while but up until now, they had never dared to whisper them.

Because, after all, this relationship wasn't official. It wasn't a thing. It was behind the backs of bosses, friends, family even. Behind closed doors. They didn't go out together, they didn't pick up each other from work. They didn't meet the other's family. They didn't go on vacation together, they weren't friends with each other's friends.

It wasn't what the hero had expected. But the hero had also not expected the villain to develop such a soft spot for them.

And if someone else could give the villain exactly that: a relationship without all the secrecy for outsiders, then maybe it was better for the hero to let go now.

"No one compares to you, my love," the villain said. Their lips met the hero's and it was tender enough for the hero to feel protected from even anxiety. "And I am selfish. I want a good person to be my lover. You are, undoubtedly, the best human being I will ever encounter in my life. I'd be stupid to throw that away for a quickie."

"You mean that?" The villain started to kiss the hero's throat. At first, it was quite innocent but the hero's heartbeat started racing when they realised the villain was taking their sweet time and turned kisses into suction. Every hickey they left behind, they kissed softly.

"You want me to prove it," the villain murmured against the hero's throat, "don't you?"

The villain took the overwhelmed hero's hand and pressed their nemesis against the desk of the hero's office.

"I...I..."

"Yes?" The villain's hips were against theirs in seconds and the hero (stupidly) couldn't find any words. To have the villain's undivided attention on them, their entire focus, could be overpowering but whenever the hero felt anxiety crawl up their calf, the villain's fingers crawling down their thigh relaxed them.

"Please don't tease me," the hero begged. They grabbed the villain's forearm and squeezed weakly. Partly as a warning, partly as a plea. They took in deep breaths. The villain desired them like no one had before.

It was nearly ridiculous how much the villain needed touch. Sometimes, it seemed like they needed physical contact to function. In the mornings, the hero had to climb on top every time, touching the villain's chest and throat to get them to come out of bed.

"Don't worry, darling." The villain found the zipper on the hero's back and pulled down slowly while their eyes jumped from the hero's eyes to their lips. Their flat hand slipped under the superhero suit, touching tired muscles and scarred skin. The hero had been on guard duty the last few hours, so naturally, they were a little tired. "I will tease you a little. Only a little."

Their hand traveled down the hero's bare back. Their fingers stopped when they reached the hero's underwear. And the hero had to gasp for air. Too surprised to take over any type of control, they put themselves into the villain's hands and the villain played with the fabric of the hero's underwear between their fingers.

"You're evil."

"So I've been told." The villain smiled their brilliant smile and tipped their head to the side. "I love you."

The hero's heart stopped. The villain had never said that before.

They wanted to say it back, but the villain's hand was on the best way to slip under the hero's underwear and do some unholy things. So, the hero only sighed happily, despite the dooming last night together, despite the fear and the anxiety. In three months, a lot could happen.

But the villain was here.

"Those thoughts of yours are so silly." The villain pressed another kiss to the hero's lips, more demanding this time. With their thumb slipping into the hero's mouth, they asked for access and the hero nearly melted when they felt the villain's tongue in their mouth.

They could barely kiss back. Could barely think.

"You're mine, don't you know?" the villain whispered and a shiver ran down the hero's spine. The villain was serious. Very serious. "And now, let me prove it to you."

[myun-saidthoughts]

12th House Venus: I Choose Longing

(Disorganized attachment style edition)

"I'll still choose my imagination instead of choosing a tangible you."

My soul is drawn to someone who won't choose me; my body finds comfort in the desire of someone who longs for me but ultimately chooses another.

As I sit on my bed, lost in yet another mesmerizing song, I start to feel this type of longing that my own soul forgets it calls for. I stare into the abyss of what I think is my room and this sinking feeling seeps in; suddenly I start to feel as if I have said goodbye to someone who was never even mine.

I start to imagine false memories in my mind, and i'm suddenly remembering this false goodbye. My soul can't tell the difference, is it reality or just my imagination? I cling onto these false memories as if the person I long for has just chosen another, It's like i'm reading a fabricated story and my eyes can only look in between the lines, not at the words but instead I stare at the unsaid.

Instead, I lie on my bed, imagining a scenario where I walk into a room and I see the side of his face lost in conversation with someone else, my heart clenches, I take a deep breath in and to my expected surmise, I see him with her. And as I look over he turns to look at me, and as our eyes interlock I imagine him clenching his fists, holding his breath while whispering to himself, "I wish you were her."

Instead, I stare at the wall, imagining a scenario where I'm walking into a bar and I see him with her. We make eye contact; he takes a breath and looks down. I can't look away, my heart is suddenly wishing for his hello but seconds pass, our eye contact breaks, and as he walks away, I imagine him holding her hand, while thinking to himself, "It should have been her."

Am I choosing this? Am I wishing to long for someone instead of ever being with them? Why do I envision scenarios where the person I say I want has said goodbye to me before, but only after I fell for him, and after he fell for me too?

"My body finds comfort in only the idea of you, and because I fear accepting the love my own soul reluctantly calls for, I will choose these imagined scenarios over ever being truly yours; i'd rather break my own heart over and over again than allow the love I so desperately wish for in; even it means I'll stare at the ceiling, searching through the what if's and what could be's, I'll still choose my imagination instead of choosing a tangible you."

12th House Venus + Moon aspecting Neptune may relate because oftentimes these individuals will search and run towards those who take, those who won't emotionally satisfy or emotionally give in the way you need. Instead those you choose are those who may have to need you, you're the other woman, the mistress, the girl he hasn't told his friends about, the girl in the shadows or the one he only calls at 2AM. Or you feel a sense of power and a sense of worth when he does decide to choose you over someone he has self proclaimed to be with. Therefore he is with another girl yet he may "dream" and secretly desire you. You're the only one who "gets him" he says, you're the only one he feels attracted to or close with. And on those nights where you wait for his 2AM call, you are receiving a sense of "power" that in this moment he is choosing you, he just may not choose you in the morning, and in that weary state you feel comfortable. And because of that you'll always be searching for his approval or acknowledgement. In essence, you somehow are never the chosen girl, and you find yourself in loops and cycles of choosing those who won't choose you. These individuals are reflecting to you core wounds that you haven't acknowledged or accepted. Especially if you have many 12H house placements such as a 12H Moon/Venus or Pisces Moon. Those patterns you've reluctantly learned from your childhood or from your Mom, has lead you here. Now you stare in the mirror and question your wholeness, you question why the ones you choose never seem to choose you, and your soul is instead asking to give yourself that type of love that you're too scared to develop.

If this scenario resonates with you, then this individual is provoking a wound within yourself that deals with the acceptance of receiving authentic love. This innate need to only give highlights your own fear of receiving real reciprocal, stable, tangible love.

This dilemma is your concrete wall that your brain has created for you to stay "safe." You feel comfortable in shallow connections, you feel more at ease in meaningless connections, and yet a part of your soul is asking for more, a part of your soul knows how much you can give and instead of asking for a sip of the love you crave, you'd rather stay parched.

You'd rather stay away from the chance of truly ever being someone's person, because if you allowed them in, if you allowed them to see you, then they'll have the power to truly break you;

This is how I have felt in the past regarding romantic connections, and for me, these types of feelings only occur when the connection I am forming holds the possibility that I can fall for the person. Especially if the boy I like showcases a slight desire for another or isn't meeting my expectations, I'll get into this longing state where I imagine our connection is completely over, I imagine that he is with someone else and I sit in it; and this feeling somehow feels comfortable for me. It's what keeps me in shallow connections, It's what keeps my walls up, it's what creates the distance between me and love. I am terrified of ever being someone else's, I am terrified of being wanted by someone I can see myself falling for, and yet I want nothing more.

I choose those who won't choose me because this uncertainty is what my body knows. My body feels "safe" in this emotional wishing because it's what I have been used to ever since I was young. Once they somehow show consistency within the connection I feel uneasy and confused, I feel more uncomfortable with them openly stating their desires for me, I feel more unsafe when they look into my eyes to tell me "I want you." I need to want them, and they need to want me too, but only in intervals. I need to see him with another while staring at me, I need to question his feelings and imagine the what ifs. If I can't then a part of me can't want him.

When the connection becomes "real" or more "open" I start to feel reluctant and uneasy, once my self worth isn't being questioned, I ask myself "Do I care?" "Do I actually want him?"

This post is more word vomit, I really don't know if others will relate but this is why I am so drawn to nodal synastry + water house synastry overlays, I don't feel safe with anyone, I don't like being with someone who doesn't bring me ease or the sense of acceptance, and I wanted to share my thoughts.

I have:

A Scorpio Moon that exactly squares my Neptune

A 12th House Venus, Mercury, Chiron and Lilith

My 12th House Venus sextiles my Neptune

A disorganized attachment style with abandonment wounds.

[selineram3421]

*has a little idea* I've gotta listen to brain commands.

First Day

Alastor and Child Reader

Warning! ⚠

⚠ implied murder, mention of kidnapping, mention of heart attack, shake of head=no, fake crying lol, italic red=Alastor's thoughts ⚠

Alastor didn't understand why some demons worried over the little children that ran amuck in Hell.

That is until he adopted one himself.

Small, wide eyed, and frail looking. Of course he'd worry after a glance. But after seeing the pile of dead bodies beneath their feet, it seemed like there wasn't too much to worry about.

So all he had to do was teach them how to make others fear them. Especially after the whole kidnapping fiasco with Valentino.

And what better timing than their first day of school.

.

You were playing around in the hotel.

Most of it was following Husk around and scaring the other hotel guests. But then Charlie told Alastor the number of complaints from guests about you and your pranks.

"They are absolutely harmless! What's a little scare going to do?", the deer demon said.

"Someone had a heart attack.", Vaggie piped in.

"Nuh-uh!", you popped up out of nowhere, making the two females jump in surprise. "That frog demon croaked! He's just mad that I made him make a funny sound."

The blonde sighs before holding out a flyer to the red dressed demon.

"Look, I know you're just having fun but not all demons think its funny.", she tells you before looking at Alastor. "There's a school for demon children not too far from the hotel, maybe they can meet demons their age and make friends?"

After dinner you and Alastor sat down on the couch in the hotel room and read through the flyer.

"I don't want to go.", you pouted.

"Don't worry my little terror, we'll think of something.", he booped your nose. "Perhaps we can use this as training!"

"Training?", you repeated.

"Yes! We'll use this as an opportunity!", Alastor said as he stood from the couch, turning to hold out a hand for you to take. "Come little one, there's much I have to teach you."

.

"Remember what I taught you little one!", Alastor says, fixing their coat. "Anything can be a weapon..."

"With enough force and creativity!", they said confidently.

"Correct!", his smile brightened. "Now, let's go show the ladies that you are a proper demon with manners so they feel bad for sending you out. Remember to look sad."

"Hmhmm!", the nod again before taking a deep breath, putting on their sad face and looking down at the floor.

"Perfect.", he approved before leading them by the hand down to the lobby.

Both of the girls were waiting by the entrance doors to say their goodbyes to the little demon.

"We are ready!", Alastor announces.

"Hey! We got them a-", Charlie starts before noticing the little demon's sad face. "..lunch box."

Vaggie squints at them but doesn't say anything.

Though the Radio Demon can see that his little one's sad face is affecting her as well, the moth demon clenching her fists.

"Now, what do we say mon petit?", the deer demon pats their back.

"I'm..", they say but don't look up yet. "I'm sorry for being bad and I'll go to school so..", finally they look up at the girls with little tears starting to well up. "Please don't be mad anymore."

Charlie is obviously affected the most and looks over at her partner, receiving a shake of the head from the white haired demon in response.

The princess takes a breath before handing over the lunch box to the little demon. "Its only for a little bit, alright?"

"Ok..", they say, still keeping up with the act before turning to face him. "Bye Alastor."

"It won't be for long, don't worry.", he 'reassures' them. "I'll pick you up when school is out."

They nod before hugging his side.

He pats them on the head before waving them goodbye as they walk out of the hotel and to the school bus.

Bidding the ladies adieu, Alastor lets his smile widen after turning away from the two, wondering how his little demon will cause chaos.

I can't wait to hear all about it~

*wipes away tears after typing out the fake crying* I was that child huh.

~Seline, the person.

Part 2

Taglist@

@willowaudreykeyes @kiraisastay @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @scary-noodlesblog @naelys-the-aster @ducky-died-inside @biromanticboba @+?

ML for Alastor🎙

[tossawary]

Everything surrounding Orihime's kidnapping in the Hueco Mundo arc of "Bleach" feels... weird and underwhelming to me. Like, I'm not fully certain what happened there. Did Ulquiorra hold those two random soul reaper escorts hostage until Orihime returned from saying her invisible goodbye, or was he just threatening her friends generally...?

The invisible goodbye thing has some interesting elements, but... I don't want to call Orihime a pushover for being threatened by genuinely scary people when she's feeling especially isolated, but it does seem to immediately and directly prove Urahara and others right when they said that Orihime is probably unsuited for the battlefield. Even medical / support people have to triage and improvise under fire and work within a greater structure! She (fairly!) does not like weighing lives!

(Though I do think that Urahara and others were very wrong to just tell Orihime to go away. She has no family! All she has left are her friends! And she's too self-sacrificing to ever willingly leave for her own sake! It would have been far better to keep her close and let her train for a medical / support position, so that she wouldn't get kidnapped like this (and would have had the confidence to work out some way to get around Aizen's weird mind games), when Ichigo is fucking notorious now for going apeshit if anything happens to even distant friends.)

When Ulquiorra first appeared in that space between worlds for an ambush, I was like, "OH SHIT, THAT'S COOL." This place is famously dangerous and if she and her escort disappear without a trace here, no one will know what happened. Perhaps Ulquiorra can destabilize whatever safety technology exists here and make it look like some mechanical failure. It's clever! (It also made me imagine Ulquiorra as some kind of deep sea leviathan, cleverly feeding on the plus souls and hollows passing over this trench, where the soul reapers don't think to look. Ulquiorra potentially first meeting Aizen by attempting to ambush him and swallow him whole in this inbetween place would be a great first encounter.)

And then Ulquiorra lets Orihime go to say a weird invisible goodbye? As part of Aizen's mind games to make the Gotei 13 think she left on her own and her feel like this kidnapping was partially her own choice? Unless Ulquiorra was holding those soul reapers hostage at this point in time, I'm really not sure why Orihime went along with this instead of trying to get help (besides her obvious feelings of isolation / depression + plot requires she be the damsel in distress to kick-start the Hueco Mundo arc). (There's REASONING, I'm just not fully persuaded by it.) It feels a little overcomplicated for me on Aizen's end, especially when I haven't yet seen it be paired with any other charisma or compelling persuasion from Aizen, this supposed master manipulator, when Orihime has plenty of buttons to press besides fear.

"Soul Society is broken and doesn't care for the poor people on the outside." "The Gotei 13 are corrupt and will ungratefully turn on people like Ichigo and Rukia as soon as they're no longer useful." "Hollows are people too, aren't they? And the soul reapers don't bother trying to help the people who need them most." "The Soul King is a threat to us all and I'm the only one who can stop him." There are so many lies and half-truths that Aizen could tell! This could be a point in time to showcase how he got so many people to follow him besides spiritual strength, and him being apparently nice to a vulnerable Orihime would be genuinely eerie given what we saw / know happened to Momo.

And this "making the Gotei 13 think that Orihime left of her own choice" story decision could work if Aizen had done more to frame her! But the fact that the Captain Commander immediately makes this assumption with so little evidence makes him look incompetent, when there are so many people who could immediately vouch for her and for the fact that it's way more likely she's been forced into something bad. Of course, maybe the story's point is to make the Captain Commander look bad at reading situations! Rather than simply ruthless for dismissing Orihime as lost and irrelevant. That gets a slight pass, I guess, but it's really such a wild and insulting and unnecessary assumption.

I think what I would have preferred to happen is OPTION 1) Aizen or underling kidnaps Tatsuki first and uses Tatsuki to get to Orihime.

This would bring Tatsuki fully into this arc instead of sidelining her again. It would be a nice culmination to the secrecy straining her friendships with both Ichigo and Orihime, and a nice bop to Ichigo's nose for trying to protect everyone on his own and his utter failure communicating danger to his friends and family. We could have a lot of fun stuff with Orihime and Tatsuki trying to survive together in this place. It would give Orihime some fucking motivation that isn't just "trying to help Ichigo". It would allow Orihime to find her strength by protecting the friend she has always viewed as being tougher and more confident. I need more women in this show who aren't made of relentless boob jokes.

OPTION 2) I would have preferred it if Aizen had found some way to locate Orihime's brother, Sora, and kidnapped him from Soul Society to use against her.

Aizen is supposedly a genius. It would track with the rest of the story if he could invent this technology. It would make the Gotei 13 look really bad if they have a way of helping families reconnect in the afterlife and just don't bother; and it would look really bad for them if Soul Society had utterly failed to be a safe place for Orihime's loved one. If Aizen is interested in Orihime's powers, he would probably be interested in seeing if her brother has any similar potential.

Option 2a is that Sora could be a regular plus soul and remembers Orihime. Aizen could have been experimenting on him and could be threatening to continue experimenting on Sora. Maybe being a regular plus soul in Hueco Mundo without the protection of a soul reaper's cultivation energy is dangerous. The air is toxic to him. He'll undergo hollowficafion again without special medicine from Aizen / Aizen's experiments keeping him as a normal plus soul, and he's terrified of becoming that monster again. Aizen coaxes Orihime to help him by claiming he's trying to find a way to cure hollowfication forever, so that Sora will be safe.

Option 2b is that Sora has no memories of Orihime or they've been suppressed, and Aizen has turned Sora into an Arrancar. Aizen claims that Sora was left vulnerable and starving on the outskirts of the Soul Society, abandoned to become a hollow again, or attacked by a hollow and transformed. Aizen has now used the Hogyoku to take Sora back to a mostly human state and given him Arrancar powers to "protect himself". Sora is grateful to Aizen for having saved him and as loyal as Ulquiorra. Aizen asks Orihime if she's prepared to fight her own brother. Doesn't she want to help him help Sora?

Honestly, I dig Ulquiorra so far and I'd like to keep him (he and Sora could have a weird not-twins thing going on), but you could totally replace his role in the story with Arrancar Sora and then put Orihime through the ringer torn between Ichigo and Sora. It feels so, SO weird to me that Orihime's dead brother never comes up again in this show about dead people and the story barely treats it as relevant.

OPTION 3) is that you bring both Tatsuki and Sora into it! Why not? Have amnesiac Arrancar Sora kidnap Tatsuki while Ulquiorra ambushes Orihime! Have Aizen threatening to turn both Tatsuki and plus soul Sora into hollows if Orihime doesn't cooperate!

I am feeling desperate for Orihime to have anything in her life again that is not her love for Ichigo. They don't have chemistry! The story is not taking the time to develop chemistry and bonding and partnership between them! Ichigo barely seems to remember she exists half the time.

Side note: I can barely fucking believe that Ichigo went off to train with the Visored without telling his family that he was leaving or where he would be. That's not a great sign for good mental health or healthy relationships! Which is probably (hopefully) the point! He could be dead in any alleyway for all his baby sisters know. That's not good big brother behavior! Ichigo has a real problem with not trusting anyone else to protect everyone (not without reason!), including not trusting his loved ones to protect themselves, and I'm not certain yet whether or not the story actually thinks this is a real problem and intends to have Ichigo fix his communication bullshit.

There is so much good, bloody material here if the story was genuinely willing to dig into the mess and make it hurt good. Instead, I'm watching Nel and her little hollow buddies do their fairly repetitive hijinks and Ichigo fight random nobodies who will not be meaningful to the story later. When Rukia finally ran into Aaroneiro pretending to be Kaien, I was like, "Oh, thank fuck, something with SOME emotional weight and compelling psychological turmoil again."

[ssentimentals]

f1 pairings as famous love tropes: alex albon x logan sargeant

there was only one bed!AU

'and honey, don't you know that you and i were meant to be? sooner or later, in any universe, it's you and me'

'how are you dealing with this?'

oh, what a great question. alex glances around, checking if someone is out there. 'peachy, georgie. just peachy.'

'yeah? not freaking out?' george asks in a tone that implies he knows the answer already.

'of course not,' alex huffs. 'why would i be freaking out? yes, hotel is overbooked and apparently i don't have a room anymore because of some system lag, but my good friend logan kindly offered me to stay with him. what is there to freak out about?'

and if alex doesn't add a tiny detail about his raging crush on said good friend then it's only because george knows. and because george is a very caring individual, he asks the question alex fears the most: 'is there only one bed?'

usually alex is the one who makes fun of george and his love for dramatics, but he's not doing any better now. alex knows that he's making a big deal out of nothing - it's okay for mates to share one bed when circumstances call for it. and even when they don't - it's also fine. everything is fine, but alex can't convince his stupid heart that everything is strictly platonic so if not to count this fact then he's good. he tells george as much and receives a surpisingly serious: 'alex, just go to another hotel, really. if this is too much for you, please don't- do you want me to check availability of hotels nearby? send me the address.'

it's very sweet. george's care wraps around him like a blanket and alex breathes out, rolling his shoulders to ease the tension. he takes few more deep breaths before replying: 'no, i- it's really nothing and i'm just freaking out for not reason. and it'd look weird if after agreeing i just leave to another hotel. besides, i slept in the same bed with you million times and it should be the same, right?'

'have you ever had a crush the size of great china's wall on me, albono?' george teases. 'anything you want to confess?'

'idiot. i'm fine,' alex repeats, chuckling. 'but thanks for the offer, mate. appreciate it.'

'of course.' george sighs, yawning. it's around two am in england and time difference really sucks because it's only nine pm in thailand but alex is already barely standing upright. 'you'll be fine, mate. maybe you'll even get lucky, who knows?'

alex highly doubts this prospect but doesn't voice it out loud. instead he says his goodbyes and goes back to the reception desk, where logan is signing some papers. alex has to pause because it's really unfair how good logan looks after seven hours flight and alex does not think so of his own bias: every single girl in the lobby agrees with him, eyeing his american friend up like he's some candy. well, alex supposes he is but-

'all done!' logan announces and looks up, sending brilliant smile alex's way. 'i've got the keys, let's go? or you wanna grab something from the bar first?'

'no, fuck, i'm absolutely knackered, let's go.'

it's not a spacious suite. which is not to say that it's bad, but the bed is certainly not a king size one and bathroom doesn't look like it'll fit two grown men brushing their teeth together there. alex hovers unsurely, not feeling very comfortable with taking not his space, but logan washes away his worries with: 'hey, this is your room too, okay? you're not intruding, i promise.'

and it's so earnest and sincere that alex lets himself unpack more confidently, even going as far as be the one to shower first. (which is the choice he made because he wanted to shower first, not because the thought of being in the shower that smells like logan's favorite citrusy shampoo is unbearing for him). he changes into his pj and takes left side of the bed, trying to figure out how both of them can fit here without touching. (and it's not like touching is bad per se, logan is okay with physical contact but touching is bad for alex's heart, which still refuses to see this all as a purely platonic thing).

'we are like two fifty years old men, going to bed at ten pm,' logan says, coming out of the bathroom. his citrusy scent carries on with him, invades the room and alex grips the sheets pathetically in response. god, where is the book on getting over unrequited crush on a friend? that'd be a great night time reading. 'but i think we can use jetlag as an excuse.'

alex tries not to stare. it's not like he's never seen logan's naked upper body but right now he kind of has nowhere to go and his eyes find toned muscles on their own. logan is stupidly fit. he looks like fashion magazine slapped him on the face, like he can do modeling as a solid job. he has shiny smile, sparkling eyes and unfortunately for alex, extremely kind and likable personality. alex thinks he was doomed from the start, to be honest.

'are you a blanket hogger? i think they have another one,' logan muses out loud, drying his hair with a towel in haphazard motions that send water drops flying everywhere. 'air-con on or off?'

'on.' alex replies, twisting uncomfortably and forcing himself to lay still. 'what about you?'

'hm?' logan turns and pauses, staring at alex on the bed. his eyes widen a little and alex is not sure but it looks like he's blushing even in the poor lightning. it takes few awkward seconds for logan to unfreeze and he stumbles away from his suitcase, almost tripping in the process. 'i'm fine! yeah, i'm fine with everything!'

alex blinks. he's not sure whether to comment on logan's high-pitched voice at the end or not; his friend steps closer and his face is as red as a tomato, so alex mercifully decides to say nothing. something twists in his gut, something akin to hope and it's dangerous, he can't afford it; even a silver of hope will make his heart grow bigger and if alex can't fit it in his chest already, what he'll do then?

'i can go,' alex blurts out suddenly. he catches logan's surprised inhale and adds: 'it's really no bother, i can just go to another hotel-'

'you're not comfortable?' logan interrupts, voice small and hesitant. when alex turns to look at him, his whole expression screams of a kicked puppy and that tugs at alex's heartstrings horrifically. 'with me?'

how does alex voice out his feelings? that he is afraid of how too comfortable he is with this whole ordeal? how this feels too domestic, which does unspeakable things to his heart and he's too damn young to have a heartstroke. how can he politely tell logan that he has to protect his heart from breaking and therefore the most logical solution is for him to leave? how can he tell him that when logan looks at him with those big grey-green eyes, clutching at the towel in his hands with the most miserable expression ever? answer is he can't and alex has never been logical when it comes to logan, so what he ends up saying is: 'of course i'm comfortable with you, mate.'

logan breathes out then, tension sips away from his posture and his bright smile is on: 'ah, you're still worried about like intruding and such? i told you to forget it, alex. i'm all good!'

that you are, alex thinks miserably, watching logan practically skip to the other side of the bed. you are very good. and usually it's never silent with logan, they share banter easily, conversations flows naturally but right now alex can't seem to focus on anything because logan apparently sleeps only with boxers on. american dream climbs into the bed with him and it becomes painfully clear how this is not a king size - fuck, not even a queen size - but is just a bit wider version of a simple single bed. alex is pretty sure if he or logan were on a bigger side then it would've been impossible to fit; now they fit just barely, arms and legs touching due to zero space. alex is hyperaware of logan's hairless leg pressing up to his - he has to will himself not to flinch at the contact.

'wanna watch something?' logan asks, evidently being the only normal one out of them two now. 'or you gonna sleep?'

tiredness practically weighs alex down, but logan is next to him, smelling good and looking happy for having alex with him and he clearly has some videos he wants to show, so alex indulges him with a nod. logan perks up at this - puppy, he's like a puppy - and shuffles close, closer, until his head is pillowed comfortably on alex's shoulder and his hair is right up alex's nose. 'so okay, i have few videos i wanted to show you.'

alex's arm is in the way. it's very obvious and yet alex hesitates, unsure if he can do what he desperately wants to - free his arm and wrap it around logan, pull him even closer until their joined body heat won't make him start sweating. it's for comfort, alex repeats like a mantra in his mind, when he moves his arm as casually as possible. logan is all on board with this, he instantly lifts up his head to give alex more room and shimmies closer with a contented sigh like he waited for this and- what alex can do with this information? how can he not read too much into this? logan presses play and giggles at the very start, saying something that alex doesn't catch. alex, in fact, doesn't catch anything what's happening, too focused on logan, who has no idea of turmoil happening in his friend's mind. george always says that alex can get too into his head but he thinks he has valid reasons to, especially now. logan's wet hair, logan's warm body, logan's scent, logan's laugh - he can't be blamed for what he does next, he'll blame it on tiredness and jetlag if anyone asks. alex leans in and places small kiss on logan's wet head as his hand moves from where it was wrapped around logan's shoulder to much, much lower, until it wraps comfortably around logan's middle, fingers touching the hem of his boxers. logan freezes at first - stops midsentence, doesn't move for few seconds. alex holds his breath, wondering if this is it, if he crossed the line; apology is on his lips, when logan suddenly shits and practically melts into him. he starts talking again and does unthinkable - grabs alex's waist and pulls it closer, silently asking alex to wrap his arm around him tighter. this is - crazy. alex can't hear anything apart from loud beating of his heart, he can't fucking breathe, when logan starts playing with his fingers, all while explaining some video to him.

'logan,' he calls out, voice raspy and tense.

'hm?' logan doesn't look up at first but when alex doesn't say anything, he raises his head a little, turning to the side to see alex's face better. 'yes?'

say something. alex just stares for a while. really drinks in logan's handsome features that he learned to love over the time they know each other. stares and stares and maybe he's delirious with want and his desire for it to be real, but he thinks he sees his own feelings reflected back at him in logan's stormy eyes. alex lets go of logan's hand and moves lower in a bold move, squeezing his hip. run away, he thinks, run away or i won't stop. logan, apparently, also has his logical mind turned off when it comes to alex, because he doesn't move. no, what he does is angle his hips just slightly so in an inviting manner and oh. oh.

'logan,' alex whispers and this name sounds like a prayer from his mouth. with other hand he reaches out to take a gentle hold of his chin. 'do not indulge me if that's now what you want.'

logan leans into the touch like a kitten, watching alex with a mix of awe and excitement. he pushes his leg in between, gets even closer to alex and stretches his neck uncomfortably all to grin at him widely: 'why don't you ask me, hm?'

alex swallows. 'that's not a game for me,' he says because he needs to say it, he needs to look out after his own heart.

logan's grin fades, gets replaced with a serious frown. 'i'm not playing.'

and- can alex dream? can he have this? can he be bold and selfish and just take-

'ask me,' logan asks, no, demands. 'because if you ask me then i'll be able to tell everything.'

'what you'd tell?' alex asks, getting lost in his eyes.

logan smiles softly, taking his own hand to gently cup side of alex's face, caressing his cheekbone. 'i'd tell you that i liked you from the second you smiled at me. i'd tell you that being your friend is the biggest honor, but i'd also add that just being your friend would've never been enough. i'd tell how happy you make me, how proud of you i am, how i want you around, always.' logan leans in, brushing their noses together. 'i'd tell how much i want you.'

'how much?' alex speaks into his mouth, not breathing.

'so much, alex,' logan shivers, plastering himself all over thai guy. 'you have no idea.'

alex's hand moves, cupping his neck. 'i think i do, actually.'

the kiss is everything. it's slow and deep, it's exploring each other's mouths with tongues like devouring one another is a good option, it's exhilirating and murderous. alex thinks he won't ever be able to kiss anyone else again. he leans back, pushes their foreheads together and smiles at the way logan's pale hands try to touch him everywhere they can reach. 'i was going crazy,' he whispers, making logan stop. 'with how much i want you. how much i want to be more than friends.'

logan giggles, blushes adorably and hides his face in alex's neck. 'we are idiots. we could've been doing this for- wait, how long have you been pining for me?'

'long enough,' alex mutters, not even correcting the 'pining' thing. it's true, anyways. 'how long you have been pining for me?'

'oh no mister, that's not how it works!' logan laughs and gets on top of him easily. 'you don't get to turn this around!'

alex grabs a hold of his hips and looks at him with a smile. he's not even ashamed of the fact that he basically is pulling out full on heart eyes on logan because logan looks exactly the same way at him and it's - amazing. brilliant. perfect. logan is perfect.

'i did get lucky in the end, huh,' alex mutters to himself, thinking about call with george.

'what?' logan asks, leaning down. he finds alex's lips and yeah, alex can get used to this so, so easily.

'nothing, babe,' he says, smiling at logan's blush at the petname. 'nothing.'

a/n: if you think that this looks unfinished then it's because i can't stop and will get carried away writing it, so i had to pull a stop somewhere. hopefully this was good, let me know! - nini

my other formula 1 works are here

my seventeen works are here

[heartbreak-sandwich]

Billy knows better than to side eye you when you talk to Steve. The two of you have been friends since he and Robin worked at Scoops Ahoy together, and though Billy knows you have no interest in Steve, he can't help but satisfy the need to bite the inside of his cheek every time he sees you two talking alone. With one hand in his pocket, he walked with purpose as he approached the table where you two were enjoying smoothies.

"Thought I might find you two here." You heard Billy's voice ring out over the bustling echoes of the mall courtyard. You couldn't be totally sure, but you thought you detected some edge to his words.

"Exactly where we said we'd be?" Steve asked, raising his eyebrows. Billy subtly jutted his chin upwards and let his eyes bore into Steve's. Now you knew he was obviously bothered, but Steve was still staring back in total confusion.

"Right on time" you chimed in, rising to your feet and meeting Billy where he stood. He slung an arm around you and pulled you in by your waist a bit tighter than you expected, all the while never breaking his stare at Steve. Billy was challenging him, and Steve obviously didn't understand what was happening. He looked to the left, to the right, and back to Billy again.

"Is there a problem, Harrington?" Billy asked, venom rising with every word he spoke. Steve shrugged awkwardly in his seat, looked around again, and finally responded.

"Why would there be a problem?" Billy pushed an audible breath from his nose as his grip around your waist grew even tighter, but he didn't say another word.

"I guess we'd better get going," you piped up, longing to break the tension before Billy got too heated. The new mall had just opened, and the last thing you wanted was to be involved in it making headlines again, citing your overprotective boyfriend being arrested all because you and Steve decided to have a smoothie on a Friday afternoon.

You said goodbye to Steve who gave you an awkward half wave, still looking puzzled as ever as you and Billy made your way toward the mall's exit.

"What was that about?" you asked him in a hushed but stern tone.

"What was what about?" It wasn't like Billy to play dumb about his aggression, but the two of you had talked many times about his behavior toward Steve. It was starting to soften, but Billy still had his moments, and he knew it really affected you. You weren't letting it go this time.

"I thought we talked about Steve." Once in the parking lot, your voice was at full volume. You had been patient for so long, but now you were starting to feel annoyed that Billy couldn't just let things go. "We talked all about your fears, your jealousy, and the reasons why you hated Steve - none of which were valid, by the way - and you're still staring him down like prey every time you see him. I don't get it."

"I'm trying, okay?" Billy looked away from you and pulled out a cigarette, opening the door of his Camaro. He really thought you were going to let this go.

"Try harder," you countered, pushing his driver's side door shut mid swing.

"Hey--" Billy threw his arms up in frustration. You knew he was heated now, and so were you. Deciding that you needed the upper hand in this situation, you knew exactly what to say.

"Don't you trust me, Billy?" His arms fell to his sides. He turned around and took a deep breath.

"Babe," he said, turning back to you. "Come on. That's not fair -"

"You know what's not fair?! The fact that my boyfriend and my best friends can't get along because he can't let. Things. Go. You talk about wanting to grow and change, but you don't do it. Where is that going to leave us?" Your eyes stung as they welled up with tears. Billy looked as if you had knocked the wind out of him. The pain of losing you would always be too much for him to bear, and he knew he had gone too far today.

"I'm sorry," he said, reaching his hand out to you. "Please just listen." You took a step toward him. He took your hand in his and pulled you close to him so he could look directly into your eyes. "You know it's because I'm always afraid. I'm always afraid of losing the things I love. El showed me the truth, and you know that. It's just taking me some time, and I'm sorry you're suffering for it."

"I'm trying to be patient," you sniffled, tears spilling over and running down your cheeks. "But it's so hard when all I want to feel is happiness, warmth, comfort. After everything that has happened here in Hawkins, I just want home to feel like home again, and this makes it seem impossible." Billy knew this wasn't just about him and Steve. This was deeper. You were missing the comfortable life you knew before just like everyone else in The Party. He wiped your tears away with his thumbs, his hands cupping your face as he continued to stare into your eyes.

"I'll make home feel like home again. No matter what I have to do, I promise you I will do it for you." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and embraced you, swaying you gently as your crying calmed down. You knew he meant it, and you knew he was more than capable of doing so. Billy never, ever broke his promises.

[sunandflame]

Flame and Water, Epilogue

Ship & Trope: Kyojuro x Fem!Reader (Water Pillars Tsuguko) / Slowburn

Warnings: canon-type stuff / angst / huge manga spoiler

Word Count: 4055 Words

pinterest board of Flame and Water

spotify playlist for Flame and Water

crossposted on AO3

I recommend listening to the playlist while reading this chapter.

Masterlist of Flame and Water

The porcelain cup fell out of your hand and you knew something was wrong. Something in you tore and left you breathless. You felt dizzy for the moment and had to hold onto the wall to not fall onto the ground. Senjuro saw it and saw your pale face, running immediately towards you and holding onto your yukata. "Aneue! Is everything alright?!" 

You tried to catch your breath and rubbed your hand against your aching chest. "Yes, I'm fine, Senjuro. We should prepare something, since it’s Kyojuros birthday today. Maybe he'll manage to come back from his mission today." You took a deep breath and gave him a smile. To reassure him further you patted his head with your good hand. He smiled excitedly and went to work. Of course, that was a lie, but you didn’t want to scare Senjuro any further.

The aching in your chest didn’t soothe for the next few days until you saw Kaname, Kyojuro’s Kasugai crow, and Senjuro who fell sobbing onto his knees. Since that day the world was not the way it was supposed to be. At least not for you.

You didn’t remember the months that followed, even his funeral was in a blurr. You only knew that everyday was a new dread. And everytime you did not manage to suppress your feelings you started to hyperventilate, fear threatening to consume you again and again and again. It had no end in sight.

“Life has not been the same as before since I lost you.”

You had been advised to write letters to yourself to deal with the grief. But it did not change anything, not really. You were more reserved than ever and your friends and some of the Hashira had been worried about you. The cheerful side they had seen in you at the announcement of your engagement was all gone. Now you were just a shadow of yourself. As if your light had been stolen from you. The light and fire called Kyojuro.

"I talk about you, like you still haven't left yet."

Several months passed, you had left Rengoku estate a while ago since you couldn't bear the sight of Senjuro or Shinjuro. You felt sorry for Senjuro but your pain, the guilt you gave yourself was too great. If you hadn't broken your arm then you would have been on this train with him. Then you could have defeated this Uppermoon together. Then he would have survived. Then you would probably be married and maybe even blessed with a baby. But that was all just wishful thinking. A fantasy that would never come true again.

"You didn't say goodbye, and a part of me believes that means you're coming back."

But he wasn't coming back and the only thing you got from him was the flame breathing. After your arm was fixed and the cast removed, you started your training. And you were training like you had been possessed. You completed one mission after another, killed so many demons you lost count. You tried to distract yourself from your own grief that was holding so tight on you. Others tried to talk to you, tried to help you, but you just wanted to be left alone until one day the Kasugai crow from Ubuyashiki approached you.

You humbly bowed to the man who was now bedridden.

“My dear child, I may be blind, but I can see your sadness and anger at Kyojuro's loss. He really was an extraordinary child."

You stood silent. You had reverted to your old patterns after his death. Your mouth and facial expressions closed as ever. Your heart was not just broken, it was shattered into pieces, never able to feel anything again and yet he was able to break your hard shell with his soft voice.

“Master, how may I serve you?”

“I want you to be the next Pillar of Flame. You were Kyojuro’s Tsuguko after all and you also killed more than 50 demons. I'm sure he would have wanted that."

Your head snapped up and your gaze darted between Kagaya and Amane, your expression twisted in pain until you laid your head on the tatami in a deep bow to hide your tears, shoulders shaking.

"My dream of being a Pillar... If I had known that I would become Hashira at the cost of your life, I would have put the sword down forever."

Weeks passed and you performed the duties of the Flame Hashira with flying colors. Though your flame was not as hot as Kyojuro's. With the grief you were battling inside your mind and your shattered heart it was cold. You were cold. 

“I don’t want them to know the way I loved you. I don't think they’d understand it. I loved and I lost you and it hurts like hell.”

Another two Uppermoons were defeated by Tokito and Kanroji. There was an exchange between the Pillars and they mentioned the young Kamado boy and how his sister Nezuko was able to conquer the sun. You remember the name as Shimizu and even his crow Matsuemon Tennoji approached you, telling you that Tanjiro Kamado had a message for you, but you had no desire to talk to anyone. Not because you had anything against the boy with the demon sister, but because you just wanted to be alone. Alone with your grief that you were not able to overcome. Kyojuro was your foundation. He had taken up so much space with his mood and volume, that it seems all the more empty now that he’s gone. His passing left a deep hole in you. And the worst part was you were slowly forgetting him.

“I can no longer remember the sound of your strong and steady heartbeat.”

Your thoughts were interrupted as you watched the argument between Shinazugawa and Giyuu. You understood what Giyuu wanted to say, but his choice of words were poor and he only got misunderstood. However, you chose not to intervene like Mitsuri did, but just to silently observe everything. The special training with the Hashira began, but like Giyuu you did not participate, not yet. 

"You would hate what I've become."

Shimizu came flying to you and informed you of an emergency and forced you to follow her without giving any further information. That wasn't usually her way and a bad premonition settled over your thoughts when you recognized the way to the Rengoku Estate. Fear spread through you when you entered the property, breathing heavily from your run, and found it empty. No sign of Senjuro. Panic rose as you heard your own trembling voice calling for the little boy.

A shoji door opened and your eyes widened in surprise as you jumped slightly back. “Y/N, you're here. I'm glad you made it. Senjuro isn't here right now, but please come in. There's a conversation overdue between us.”It was Shinjuro, the father and also former Flame Hashira. He looked different than you saw him the last time. He had been drunk and you had been terrified and a different person that time. 

And you remembered that it was the first and last encounter between the both of you. Although you had lived in the Rengoku estate for some time, Shinjuro always stayed in his room so you never saw each other. Now he looked at you with a clear gaze before returning back to the room and leaving you alone in the hallway and forcing you to follow him. 

Shimizu, who had sat on your shoulder, got an angry look from you which made the crow immediately take off again.

With a queasy stomach you entered the room that was considered the place of honor for the Rengokus and where the flame haori was draped and the diaries were on the shelves. Shinjuro sat on his knees on the tatami mat and gestured for you to sit opposite him, which you did, but you kept your nichirin sword to your left as you weren't really comfortable being alone with him. You would never make the mistake of underestimating the former Hashira.

Of course, this did not remain hidden from his watchful eyes and yet he said nothing. His face was shaved and he himself was clean. He appeared generally very different, calm and collected. 

“Senjuro missed you very much. He often speaks of you as his Aneue."

That gave you a pang in your already broken heart, but you said nothing. Was that why Shimizu tricked you here? You had missed Senjuro very much and it hurt you in your soul to have left the boy alone with his grief, but you couldn't stay. Your own grief, it was too much to handle as it weighed on you and you didn't want to put the boy through more troubles.

“Thank you for mourning Kyojuro-”

You gave him a sharp look that silenced him momentarily. What did he mean with thank you for mourning Kyojuro? What did he think was the relationship between the two of you? Your anger seeped through every pore, but you remained silent, since you wanted to know what this was about.

“Y/N, I am embarrassed about my behavior when we first met. I should have recognized you then and I should have stayed after your village burned down. I know you were alone and yet I had decided that you would be better off not knowing exactly what happened. I was wrong and inflicted a personal hell on you.” 

All your anger evaporated with his words and your eyes widened as you saw the senior bow low, his forehead touching the tatami mat. "Rengoku-san, please-" You wanted him to get up, but didn’t move and let him talk.

“My dear wife became ill and died while I wallowed in self-pity over my own incompetence. So like the fool I am, I pulled away and drowned myself in sake. You proved to be a way better person by becoming a Hashira with what Kyojuro taught you.” He lifted his head and looked at you. “I want to give you the Haori of the Rengoku’s as only the Flame Hashira wear them and I am sure Kyojuro would have wanted that too.”

Tears formed in the corners of your eyes as they flitted back and forth between the haori and the Shinjuro, who took the white flame-patterned robe from the rack and folded it into place and laid it in your trembling hands. You stared at the white cloth on your lap until you slowly picked it up and rubbed it against your cheek. It had, of course, been cleaned and patched, but the distinct smell of Kyojuro was unmistakably still in it and the memory of him welled up, threatening to overwhelm you.

A desperate wail escaped your throat as you cried bitter tears with the haori in your arms. The first tears since Kyojuro's death. You couldn't take the suppressed pain anymore and needed something to hold on to and then you felt the big warm hand on your shoulder and looked with tear-filled eyes into the eyes of a father who understood your pain like no other. 

He pulled you into his arms and another sob escaped your throat. Shinjuro knew about your pain because he had also lost a loved one, because he had also lost a son. The two of you lay in each other's arms like a father would embrace a daughter, comforting each other until a young voice rang out in the halls and opened the shoji door to the room. 

"Father, I am back home and- Y/N-chan!" Senjuro dropped everything in his hand when he saw the two of you comforting each other with the Haori between you. You turned to Senjuro and pulled him into your arms, the tears continued to flow and even the little boy sobbed in your arms and held onto you with his dear life. “Aneue, I missed you so much…” 

And god did you miss him too. “Senjuro, I am so terribly sorry for leaving you alone…"

~~~

You could breathe more freely. The pain was still the same, the hole in your chest still there, but a weight had been lifted from your shoulders after you allowed yourself to cry. You stroked the white fabric of the Haori that now draped over your shoulders and felt the presence of Kyojuro’s spirit on your shoulders. A little smile crept onto your lips for the first time since his death.

You made your way back when you saw Giyuu and the Kamado boy chatting. They both looked at you in surprise, as if they hadn't expected you. The younger one saw you with a look as if he knew about your deep sorrow and grief. As if he was able to smell it from a distance and yet he met you with a sincere and friendly smile. "L/N-san, it's a pleasure to meet you." He bowed to you.

It was hard for you to smile back so you just nodded politely. "Nice to meet you too, Tanjiro Kamado." Your eyes fell on his handguard. The boy also noticed your gaze and became nervous, seemingly knowing your connection with the previous owner. He probably thought you wanted it back. "Don't worry, just because I was his fiancé and now Flame Pillar doesn't mean I'm entitled to his handguard. I'm sure he would be happy that you have it." This time you managed to give him a smile that made him blush and you thought to yourself what a good-natured boy he was. 

Giyuu stared at your haori, knowing the importance of carrying something from people you loved. Because he himself carried Tsutako and Sabito with him, but he said not a word about it. That wasn't necessary because suddenly a Kasugai crow flew screeching over your heads.

“EMERGENCY SUMMONS! EMERGENCY SUMMONS! AN ATTACK ON UBUYASHIKI MANSION!”

You exchanged just a quick glance among yourselves before all three of you sprinted in the same direction, but you weren't fast enough. Several explosions went off and you could only stare at the rising flames in shock. An old fear wanted to take hold of you, but his spirit, the spirit in this haori drove you on. No, you were no longer afraid of the flames because now you were the Flame and when all the Hashiras gathered in front of Muzan to attack him, the sound of a biwa pang rang out and the ground beneath you all disappeared.

~~~

It was an unfamiliar situation in an unknown place. It was more important than ever to keep your eyes open and stay focused, which is why you, Tanjiro and Giyuu were staying together and wandering around this Castle of Infinity. Suddenly you all saw one of the crows who gave you the news of Shinobu's death. Another hole in your heart, but now wasn't the time to mourn. You had to find and defeat Muzan, or at least one of the Uppermoons. Suddenly the whole place started shaking.

"ABOVE!" It came from Giyuu and suddenly a pink-haired man with tattoos stood in front of you and with his fixation towards Tanjiro and with the number in his eye you knew immediately who it was.

The attacks of Akaza were brutal. You used all the techniques that you could think of to protect the young Kamado boy from the demon's fixation towards him. But along that way you noticed the skill and breathing the Kamado boy used to attack the demon and that he had achieved the strength of a Hashira. You performed an attack, drawing the attention of Akaza.

"You!" He pointed his finger at you while you tried to catch your breath. “You wear the same Haori as Kyojuro. You even fight like him with the same fighting spirit! State your name! I wanna know the name of the person who developed this wonderful sword technique. I can feel that you are strong!"

But you didn't want to talk to the demon that killed your beloved one. How dare he even say his first name? It was him who took your beloved Kyojuro. He was to blame for your grief and for other people who loved him as well. It was all his fault!

Anger spread through you, which grew into an uncontrollable firestorm. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest and you were feeling hot all over. Your whole body was literally burning as if you had a fever. You shouldn't be able to move with this fever and yet you feel an irrepressible strength growing in you. 

Become the flame that consumed you, my water lily. Set your heart ablaze…

Senses that were closed off to you have been awakened and dragged out to the place where your strong opponent stands. You understood now that the intense struggle to survive increases one’s skills. You became fast like an uncontrolled wildfire, and you and Giyuu launched one attack after another. Your speed was out of this world and yet you could keep up, you could see everything and even through him. It was strange how calm you were in this moment even knowing you were on the edge of death, but that didn’t matter at that moment. You had to go on.

It was one of the most memorable fights you've ever experienced. A headless demon who continued to fight, refusing to accept his weakness. And he didn’t die by any of your hands but ended up using his destructive attack that would have killed them all on himself. If he would have not done that, you wouldn't know how you were going to get out of here alive. Akaza was truly a strong opponent and all three of you had reached your limits. Tanjiro was the first to realize it was over and also the first to lose consciousness. Even Giyuu had to brace himself with his broken nichirin and lost consciousness. Shit. You tried to reach the both men when you felt how the rest of your strength left you and you too fell unconscious.

You woke up to a burning smell and got up so quickly that it made you dizzy. Still aware of the situation, you checked your surroundings only to see Giyuu half-naked in front of a fire. Tanjiro woke up from his unconsciousness just seconds after you and asked what happened.

“I tried to stop my bleeding, but it’s not working, so I’m going to cauterize the wound. You both are also bleeding. If it doesn’t stop I’ll burn it. So strip down and come here.” Giyuu stared into the fire and it seemed like he was saying it more to Tanjiro, but you knew that the wound on your shoulder was still bleeding even if you tried to stop it with your concentrated breathing.

You did as he said and stripped your shirt and sat next to Giyuu only with your binding to hold your breast together. Without paying much attention you saw how Tanjiro was first blushing and then getting all pale while seeing your burned scars, but he did not say anything. It was weird but you didn't mind seeing your scars anymore. You had long since accepted who you were and were no longer ashamed of your past or what it had made of you.

As Giyuu cauterized the wound on your back, while gritting your teeth in pain, your tried to think of something else to distract yourself from the pain when Tanjiro gasped loudly.

“Y/N-san! Your chest!”

Surprised you looked down and saw what had startled him. Even Giyuu looked surprised. At the top of your heart were dark red marks of flames that spread to your left shoulder. So this is what the mark of the flame looked like. Interesting how it was sprinkled over the heart and not on the face like Tanjiro or Giyuu.

"I guess I have to thank Kyojuro for that." You smiled as you put your hand on your heart.

“Y/N-san… Now that you mention it. Rengoku-san had some last words for you. I tried to get through you, but-”

"I know Tanjiro." You gave him a smile. “I wasn't myself until today. Please, tell me what his last words were to me.”

“He said that you should not grieve too much and to feel free to let him wait in the afterlife. That he will wait for you.” You saw the tears forming in the boy’s eyes, while he brought you the last words of Kyojuro.

You huffed a little smile and thanked him.There were no tears, there was no time for them because they were at war, but a little memory crept into your mind and your thoughts went back. You remembered a moment with Kyojuro where you both laid naked in bed after being intimate. Both being in love and looking into each other’s eyes. His hands never stopped touching and caressing you, both the healthy and the scarred parts. He saw no difference, but that wasn't why you resorted to the memory. It was his words back then. "When wounds are healed by love, the scars are beautiful." You were healed by his love and now you are fighting here with the same ambition he had then. To protect humanity, to defeat Muzan.

~~~

Muzan was dead. The demons no longer existed and a new age had begun. A peace emerged that had cost many sacrifices, both mental and physical. Only three of the Hashira survived. Sanemi Shinazugawa, Giyuu Tomioka and you. You were all marked by the war and yet you knew that it was worth it. The Demon Slayer Corps no longer existed, so you felt obliged to return the haori to the Rengoku family as you were no Rengoku and no Pillar anymore. Shinjuro and Senjuro asked you to move in with them, as they saw you as a part of their family, but you politely declined. It didn't feel right.

“Because everything feels wrong without you.”

Years had passed and the grief in your heart was your constant companion together with Shimizu who never left your side. You sat in your home with your brush and still wrote those letters to yourself. But not only to yourself but also to others. Which was why you knew about their happy lives and  how they all had started their own family while you were being alone. You made peace with that, because you knew that you can’t ever fall in love with someone else again. Kyojuro was and always will be your one true love.

Your 25th birthday was approaching and you knew what to expect. Amane had enlightened you and the others about the price of the mark and you had only been waiting for this day. You felt your strength drain from you and you needed to lay down on the floor. Shimizu worriedly nudged your yukata as if she was trying to get you to stand up. You smiled faintly at her trouble and gently stroked her feathers with a single finger. "Shimizu, you were always a loyal soul to me." You saw your crow friend's tears as you closed your eyes slowly.

You didn’t feel any fear. Only hope because they said you could see your loved one after you pass, they said you reunite with those you had lost; that was your only consolation as you laid there. Kyojuro, your eternal flame, was always in your thoughts. Never leaving you, never wanting to let go of him.

"I will see you in heaven, my love," you whispered, breathing your last.

.

.

.

Your eyes snapped open and you stared at the dark ceiling, before turning sideways to look at the time on your phone. 04:34 am. Again a weird dream about these demons and yet another sleepless night. Did I cry in my sleep again? With a quick hand movement you swiped the tear stains on your face away and sighed. You always woke up with this deep yearning, like you lost something very precious but forgot what it was. Was it maybe this Kyojuro? But who was that? You were not sure, but you knew that these dreams were trying to tell you something…

🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥🌊 🔥

That was hard, even for an angst lover like me. I feel heavy and accomplished at the same time and I just hope you all don't hate me too much. I wanna thank everyone who stayed tuned and loyal to the story and rooted from chapter to chapter. I see you all and I love you all ❤️

Again and again and big thanks to my beloved @desi-the-blue-eyed-kakushi who knew how this going to end and cursed at me for many times for weeks. But it was all worth it, right?

For all those who hate me... This is not the end of this story! Watch out for my next posts (and the memes if you wanna laugh)

EDIT: The sequel is here! Shards of Glass

Taglist:

@krillfromsky @kingmultiverse404 @deepressed @nelissecrectplace @yomoya-girl @theycallmemrsbarnes @roninishere @beelzmunchkin @kyojurismo @stuckinthewrongworld @lynnw @love-me-satoru @felix99999l @noarawriteszr @strawberrymm @rye-flower @demonslayeranimex @kittenssss-blog-blog @hanatsuki-hime @kxthxrinx3180 @thatw3ird0 @lovely-nayiq @annie-napier @cole-silas @inonezu-808 @witchy-scribblings @drowsydoggy @anjox @xkanrojimitsurix @ahashiraswife @mamayan @flametrashira @crazycatlddy

[samieree]

Peace, Wound, Scar. Again. || SW: The Acolyte

Qimir (The Stranger) x OC

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Chapter III ''Spectre''

Mae managed to escape, but even though they knew her next target - Master Kelnacca - they were ordered to return to Coruscant. Apparently what should be done next required discussion by a small council. Elyssa was standing against the wall near the room where the discussion was taking place. She wanted to find out what's going to happen next as quickly as possible, so she stood there persistently.

She heard a throat clearing next to her. She turned and saw Osha.

"I came to say goodbye." she said, smiling gently.

"You're not staying?" Lys moved away from the wall and came closer to her old friend.

Ever since her confrontation with Mae in that alley, she felt different, but in a good way. It was as if she hadn't known before that something was missing in her life and had just been found. It came to her unexpectedly and she felt it must be something important. She decided that it would be best if she looked for answers to her questions in the Jedi archives in her free time.

She didn't want to involve others in this, she thought they wouldn't understand her. She wasn't even sure if Osha or Mae felt the same way she did, or if she was just imagining something and nothing out of the ordinary happened.

However, she knew that after these six years, she didn't want to lose her friend again.

"I'm not a Jedi. My task is over, so... I'm going back to my life." Osha explained, taking a hesitant step forward and grabbing Lys' hands. "Thank you."

"For what?" she frowned.

"You helped me find my sister and cleared me of all charges. It means a lot to me."

"I knew you couldn't do it, it was only a matter of time until we found evidence of your innocence." she finally squeezed her hands back and smiled. "But I thought you'd wait until we caught Mae so you two could talk. After all, so many years had passed, you both thought the other was dead."

"She's a murderer. I don't think we have much to say to each other." she saw that Osha wasn't completely honest with her, but she didn't press on the matter.

Osha had long ago confessed to her what happened on Brendok, that it was Mae who started the fire that killed her entire family and almost killed her as well. She herself had been given to the Order by her parents too early to remember anything about them, but she imagined that it must have been - and probably still was - very difficult for Osha. She wanted her to know that she could always rely on her, that she was not alone in all this.

"And we don't have anything to talk about? We haven't seen each other for six years, a lot has changed in our lives. We could meet in the city sometime and talk." she suggested, moving one hand to her shoulder to show her support.

"We could. Sometimes you could also take Jecki for gossips." they laughed. "Are you still afraid of water?"

The atmosphere thickened again. Lys slowly removed her hand from Osha's shoulder, trying to keep the smile on her face.

"It's okay now." she replied, although it was only a half-truth.

When she was a child, she was very afraid of water, only quick showers were possible, and sometimes she was close to a panic attack. Washing her hair was a nightmare, she hated closing her eyes, she felt as if in any moment water would fill her lungs instead of air.

She couldn't explain where her fear came from, no one could, they always told her that everyone was afraid of something, some were scared of darkness and what was hidden in it, and she was scared of water. She hasn't confided in anyone except Osha and Yord that she's been having nightmares in which she's been drowning. It was always one and the same place. The night was pleasantly warm, but the water was freezing. She fell into it and couldn't get out, even though the shore was at her fingertips. No one ever saved her, she always landed alone deep under the water's surface, struggling to surface and catch her breath. No matter how many times she dreamed about it, each time she was just as afraid, panicked, and tried unsuccessfully to fight. Only when the water flooded her lungs did she wake up sweating, terrified, and sometimes screaming - loud or muffled, as if she was still underwater.

In her life she had to learn to swim, but it was a terrible experience for her - even though she wanted it very much. She believed that if she learned to overcome this element, it would stop tormenting her in her dreams.

Yord helped her with this. She had never seen him so patient as when, day after day, he helped her slowly get used to the idea of ​​voluntarily submerging herself underwater. It took her a long time, but eventually the thought of entering the water stopped paralyzing her and she learned to swim. She could still tremble when faced with an ocean or a vast lake, but at least she had made a huge step forward. The nightmares stopped following her shortly after this, and this was also the time when Osha decided to leave the Order.

She didn't want to admit it, but... She didn't sleep well that night. She didn't remember exactly what she dreamed, but there was a cold there. She was afraid that the dream had returned to her after all these years, but while it was still good she didn't want to bring up the topic.

"Will you wait until the meeting is over to say goodbye to Sol?" she asked, wanting to end that matter.

"I've caused him enough trouble, he won't miss me." she wasn't so sure...

"I will. But I know this isn't goodbye forever." she quickly added the second sentence.

They hugged briefly, not caring that anyone might see them. They both didn't realize how much they missed each other until they met years later on Carlac. They really hoped that they would be able to meet some time, go to some bar or restaurant on Coruscant and talk, exchange gossip, stories, remember old times. They didn't want to let their friendship end again.

In this way, they were a reflection of the relationship of their masters. For as long as she could remember, Master Vernestra had been on very good terms with Master Sol, she would even say that they were friends. Although sometimes she wondered how they got along so well when she trusted her friend's Master more than her own...

She couldn't say that Vernestra didn't care about her, but...

Osha left and she was left alone in that hallway again. This time not for long, because in a few minutes the door opened and Vernestra walked out, followed by Sol. She went up the stairs so that they wouldn't notice her, but so that she could still overhear what they were talking about. Unfortunately, they spoke so quietly that all she could hear was that Sol wanted to lead the mission to Khofar. And then she had to quickly pretend to go down the stairs because the other Jedi attending the council began to disperse.

She had no better option than to walk past Sol and Vernestra and stop much further down the hall. When Vernestra finished talking to Sol, she approached Lys.

"Can we talk?"

"O-of course, Master." she was surprised. She didn't expect that her former mentor would want to talk to her, about what? They haven't talked much lately.

"You seem off, are you okay?" she put her hand on her shoulder and stroked it gently.

This question confused Lys even more. She didn't feel that closeness between them, they had always been different from the other Masters and their Padawans. At least from her perspective, it looked like they had created a boundary between them that they couldn't cross at all costs.

"Yes, everything is alright. Why do you ask?"

"Apparently you jumped into action yourself and almost caught Mae. I'm proud of what you've become. Determined, always ready to act, you can think under time pressure." she very rarely praised her, and when she did, it was usually as if she didn't mean it at all. So this was... Nice.

"Thank you..." she replied hesitantly, but with a hint of pride in her voice.

"I would like you to be in the group that is going to Khofar." said Vernestra.

"Of course." she just hoped that they wouldn't make her stay on the ship and that she would be able to do something without jumping into action herself... "Anything else...?" she asked, because the Master looked as if she wanted to say something.

Her face and demeanor spoke as if she had something else to tell her, something she had perhaps been keeping inside for too long. Lys couldn't know it, but it was about her past, the part of it that Vernestra had always carefully hidden. She promised herself that one day she would tell Elyssa the truth, but she kept postponing this moment.

"No, that's all." she cut the topic short, forcing a smile. She placed her other hand on her other shoulder. "Remember that if you need anything, you can always come to me. You can trust me, as I trust you."

"I remember. And I always will." she smiled back, placing her hand on the one on her left shoulder.

She wasn't so sure, but she couldn't say anything else.

* * *

On the ship, Yord gave a pre-mission briefing, but she didn't listen to it as she had heard it all from him earlier anyway. That's why she looked away from side to side, waiting for him to finish speaking. For this reason, she did not notice that the boy was looking at her much more often than necessary.

During their short stay on Coruscant, she had straightened her hair and tied it into a braid, but left two tiny strands on the sides of her face in their curled form. When he was finishing speaking, he suddenly got silence for a moment, because abruptly Lys looked at him and he felt caught red-handed. He swallowed and - to cover it up - turned to Osha, who was talking to Jecki behind her, asking about Bazil.

Did she notice that he was looking at her? No, not during the whole briefing, it was only at the end that confused her, when he suddenly looked so flustered, like he was about to blush.

She wanted to broach the subject with him, if there was something he wasn't telling her, but he quickly went to the cockpit to Master Sol, as if to avoid a confrontation. She didn't follow him, clearly feeling that he didn't want to talk to her. Instead, she engaged in conversation with Jecki and Osha, although her thoughts were not fully focused on it.

They landed on Khofar and left the ship. From the very first step she felt that something was... Different. It was similar to Carlac, when she felt Osha's presence in the Force. Only now it was much clearer, not like some fleeting feeling. There was a small settlement on this hill. She walked away from the group, guided by this strange feeling. She turned around and... She stopped dead in her tracks.

The surroundings didn't matter, the sounds from it barely reached her as she saw Mae in front of her, as if alive. But she couldn't be here, because the others would have noticed her immediately and arrested her.

"Lys, are you okay?" she heard Jecki next to her.

She looked at her and then back in front of her, but there was no one there anymore.

What just happened...?

"Yeah, yes... Shall we go?" she replied, casting one more glance ahead before they went to join the rest.

She couldn't explain what she had just experienced. Was it just her imagination? But... Mae looked alive. Moreover, she seemed as surprised as she was, which meant she must have seen her too. But why? Why so suddenly? They had nothing in common. She could understand why she sensed Osha's presence on Carlac, but this? She had never seen anything like it, never even heard of it. She knew about sensing someone's presence even from light-years away, about communicating silently but not seeing each other. Besides, she didn't even do anything to initiate it!

The aliens from the settlement told them that Kelnacca had not come out of the forest since he entered it. He cut himself off from others and lived in complete wilderness. He didn't respond to their messages, so they had to find him themselves. She had to quickly shake off all these strange feelings and sensations, they had a job to do, she would think about it later. Maybe she'd even talk to Vernestra about it, though... She wasn't sure she could trust her with everything, and this seemed to her like something important, something she shouldn't tell just anyone.

Fortunately, she could distance herself from this and this involuntary feeling where Mae was, because they had a tracker. It was a relief to let it all go, as if a real weight had been lifted from her chest.

As they walked, she slowly moved closer to Yord to try to broach this topic, which was another thing that was bothering her. They were going down the hill, the first trees of the vast forest were not far in front of them. He didn't look happy that she was suddenly so close, but he tried to keep his face impassive. She started to open her mouth to say something, but then Osha surprised them by running up from behind them on the other side.

"Do you understand what Bazil is saying?" she asked, falling into step with them.

"Yes." well, he does - Lys, not necessarily. "Most Padawans chose Shyriiwook to learn, while I decided to learn a more unusual language." as he said this, he looked suggestively at Lys, who just rolled her eyes.

Maybe it was just me who thought he was acting strange?

"I haven't learned any at all, I don't have head for languages. I have a translator for this."

Okay, maybe she didn't pay much attention to the language lessons she chose... But in her defense, she had already spent enough time in the Temple to in addiction attend language lessons. Eventually, she even managed to convince Master Vernestra not to have to go there, which she still considered a success.

"You don't seem to have a head for many things." Yord replied to her, speaking again in the same irritated tone.

"If you're pissed that I'm on this mission, you can join the club." Osha said again.

Perhaps that's why he is acting so strangely, that's why he is irritated? Because it's impossible that he...

"I'm not pissed, I'm just worried about your safety." he explained.

"I have to ask you something." she finally said what she probably wanted to say from the beginning of this conversation. They slowed down to allow the rest of the Jedi to pass them and fell behind a bit. "Sol thinks Mae can be saved."

"Master Sol is wise. He certainly has reason to think that she will listen to you - whatever you have to say to her."

"Besides, you're sisters. Twins, it's a unique bond." added Lys. Moreover, she agreed with what Yord said.

"But if something comes up and she doesn't listen to me, you have to stop her. I won't be able to do it and she must be judged for what she did."

"Osha-"

"Of course." Lys interrupted Yord and reached out, loosely grabbing Osha's hand. " She won't run away this time, we promise." she looked meaningfully at Yord, waiting for him to confirm her words.

"Y-yeah, sure." he said, before adding something else, turning to Osha. "We've known each other since we were younglings. Mae was always your unhealed wound. Maybe Sol took you here to face her... Or maybe to face yourself." he explained calmly. "We have to catch up with them, come on." he looked at them and quickened his pace.

* * *

She stopped enjoying walking through that damn forest after the first dozen or so minutes. Trees and thick bushes and other vegetation, or trees and... some strange moths - she guessed it only because they were attracted to the light - that slept wrapped around the trunks.

"Are you trying to avoid me?" she finally asked Yord. They had been walking for so long that it was starting to get dark and she couldn't bear this ignorance any longer.

"Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean I'm avoiding you." he replied completely naturally, looking around for Bazil, who had ran out of their sight.

"I don't believe it. You, you, don't have anything to tell me?" this time her tone was more provocative.

"What would you like me to say?" he replied in the same way, turning sharply to her and looking into her eyes as if he was the one challenging her and not the other way around.

"Truth." she shrugged, not breaking eye contact.

She didn't know what she wanted to hear. Probably the most she wanted him to say that she just imagined it all, his looks, his reaction when she caught him staring. He was a great friend, but nothing more than that. Besides, they belonged to the Order, such attachments were forbidden. Although she sincerely doubted he would admit it, even if he was actually in love with her. After all, this is Yord, serious - usually - and professional.

How would she react if...? She would think about it when - or rather if - he made such a confession.

"I've never hidden anything from you, I don't and I never will. We are friends." he said it as if he wanted to put an end to the topic quickly and never bring it up again, so Lys wasn't convinced of his sincerity. After a moment he looked around and sighed. "We could use a tracker to track our tracker."

He had already moved towards Sol - who was a little ahead of the group - to tell him that they had lost Bazil, when suddenly they heard a woman's screams and pleas for help. It had to be Mae. Everyone ran to where the screams came from, but no one was there when they arrived.

They wandered aimlessly around the small area the noise had led them to, until they heard Bazil calling a little ways away.

"It's Bazil, he found Mae." Yord said. Everyone except Yord and Lys had already moved towards the scream. "Osha, stay behind us." Yord instructed her.

Lys also stayed a bit behind everyone, glancing over her shoulder at Osha every now and then.

The sun had already set, but they were finally at Master Kelnacca's hut. Those who ran ahead stood in a row, thus blocking Mae's escape route. Elyssa stood a few steps in front of Osha, between her and the line of Jedi.

"On behalf of the Galactic Republic and the Jedi Order, whoever is hiding in this house is to come out with their hands where we can see them." a Jedi whose name she couldn't remember said loudly.

She turned for a moment to give Osha a supportive smile, as if she could feel how stressed the girl was at the thought of seeing her sister again. Maybe it even helped a little, a comforting, gentle smile and a soft look. She missed it these six years, she missed Elyssa.

"It means you, Mae Aniseya!" Yord shouted. There was silence. No one said anything else, everyone stood waiting to see what would happen next.

Nothing happened for a long time. It looked like they were going to have to go into the hut and drag Mae out by force. But suddenly something... Specific passed through the air. There were many things she felt and couldn't explain what they were, this was another one of them. Just... It was something...

Something that gave her chills all over her body.

To feel a little safer, she grabbed the lightsaber that was still hanging on her belt and only then slowly turned around.

"Osha..." she began quietly, noticing something behind her friend.

At first, when shivers ran through her and she hadn't seen it yet, she tried to convince herself that it was probably some wild animal they were unlucky to come across. Now she could clearly see that it was not an animal, but some kind of man, or at least a humanoid being, because he - he? she? - was wearing a mask.

Osha turned around as well, as did the other Jedi.

"What is that?" she heard Jecki ask.

Her subconscious told her to move even further away from the potential attacker, but she forced herself to stay where she was and possibly get closer.

"Identify yourself." said someone else. But the figure didn't even say a word.

"Stand down!" she recognized Yord's voice.

This - most likely - man did not listen and continued to take slow steps until he stopped in front of Osha. He turned on his lightsaber, a red lightsaber. In response, she immediately heard all the Jedi draw their weapons behind her. And she... She stood still for now, gripping the handle tightly, as if it would help her control her heart, which was beating rapidly and strongly with fear.

"Osha, run!" Sol shouted, but it was too late.

The figure threw Osha aside with the Force, then pushed away all the Jedi that were rushing at him. Because Lys didn't moveyet, she felt the impact less, managed to defend herself from it better, and although she landed on the wall of Kelnacca's hut, hitting her back against it, she still managed to stay on her feet.

She held the saber hilt so tightly that only now did she feel that its its elements have already left their mark on the skin of the palm of the hand. She straightened up, keeping her eyes on the aggressor, who stood just a few meters away from her, ready to attack.

Deep breath, calm your nerves, focus on the Force, hold your saber firmly, but not too tightly. And footwork, don't trip on a damn branch or root...

She took a step forward, taking one last deep breath and slowly exhaling, finally turning on her double-bladed lightsaber.

And most importantly: Don't get yourself killed.

You've never killed a person yourself, you don't know if you can do it. Don't get yourself killed, you just have to survive until others join. Survive, that's your only goal for now.

~

-> general masterlist -> Star Wars masterlist

Tags: @linkpk88

[pro-depresanti]

~Valastor Week 2024~

prompt list by @valastorweekofficial

Day 5: Friends and Family

(skipping Day 4 for now because it's still not done and I'm very behind)

Summary: Alastor introduces his boyfriend to his mother. Things go well... mostly!

Setting: 1950s, Living world

Word count: 1587

Warnings: cannibalism, implied murder, murder threats

—————

"And again. From the top."

"Al, I've got it, I swear." As talkative as Valentino usually was, he'd been repeating that same string of 'rules' for the past hour. He was about to get blisters on his tongue at this point.

Alastor didn't budge. Instead, he raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. Val might be stubborn, but Alastor was more so when he set his mind to something.

This had to be perfect. Flawless. Alastor had already had the very dreadful talk about him having a boyfriend with his mother, and yes, she had taken it pretty well, all things considered. But then she had insisted on meeting said gentleman, which Alastor dreaded even more. So, here they were, a whole day spent tediously teaching Valentino about proper manners, and what not to do.

"Again."

Valentino groaned, his shoulders slumping with the exaggerated gesture. "I refer to her as 'ma'am', no innuendos, no cursing, no mention of anything sexual, no shouting, no complaining, no elbows on the table. I am allowed to only kiss you on the cheek and hold your hand. I eat all the food in front of me, even if I don't like it. I offer my help to clean up after dinner, your mother will decline, I will offer again and get to it."

"And?" Alastor added, tapping his foot.

The other man took a deep breath. "I wear a shirt – buttoned all the way up, and long pants that aren't too tight. Tied up hair, no flashy jewelry. Oh, and no shades."

Finally, Alastor smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "Perfect. You'll do great."

"I hope so."

Well, Alastor had done all he could, he wasn't a magician. Except one thing. As he walked out of Val's house, he stopped at the door, holding out his hand to feel the wind. "It's a bit chilly today."

Valentino didn't miss a beat as he grabbed his signature red coat from the hanger, holding it up so Alastor could slip it on. "Here. Can't have you catching a cold."

Alastor suppressed a grin as he took the coat, then folded it over his forearm. As if he would let himself be seen wearing that in public. Inside closed doors, sure, the thing was comfortable and soft, but he had an image to keep. "Thanks. You can have it back after tomorrow."

Valentino blinked back quickly. "Wait–"

"You think I'm trusting you to not wear this in front of my mother?"

Valentino scoffed. "But it's my style. It's me!"

"You look like a pimp with it."

"That's the point!"

Alastor looked up, his eyes glinting in that dangerous way Val knew it meant business. "You can have it after tomorrow. I promise I'll keep it safe and sound."

"But–"

"Bye bye. Be there at seven, sharp." Alastor waved goodbye as he walked out, leaving no space for arguing.

———

Alastor could vividly remember his first radio show, the anxiety that bordered fear, the anticipation, how tight his smile had been. That had been nothing compared to how nervous he was now, bouncing his leg and twirling his fingers as he waited. Time didn't seem to be moving fast enough for his liking. Surely Val wouldn't be late. He couldn't be late. But what if something had happened on his way here, what if–

The knock on the door had him jump in his seat. Luckily, his mother couldn't see him from where she was in the kitchen. Still, she instantly heard the firm knock and walked up swiftly into the hallway, Alastor following suit.

He got it. He could do it. So could Val. It would all be fine.

The woman slung the door open, a warm smile on her lips. Alastor breathed out in relief as he set eyes on Valentino. There he was, with his hair pulled into a low ponytail without a single strand out of place, ironed lavender shirt, cream colored dress pants, and perfectly polished black shoes. No hat with obnoxious feathers, no over the top make-up, no jewelry except a small hoop earring. Alastor honestly wouldn't be able to recognize him if he saw him on the street without doing a double take.

"Good evening, ma'am," Valentino greeted, bowing his head lightly. "It's a pleasure meeting you."

She nodded down in return. "Evening , dear. Valentino, if I'm not mistaken? Alastor has told me so much about you." She held out her hand for a handshake as she introduced herself, then took a step back. "Come in, don't be shy."

Alastor shot Val one last look of 'don't mess this up' as he waited for him to take his shoes off.

Valentino promptly side-eyed him, and without missing a beat said, "you've got a lovely home, ma'am."

"Oh, thank you," she responded as she led the way to the kitchen. "Make yourself comfortable, food will be ready in a minute."

"Anything I could help with?"

"No need, dear. Alastor will set the table."

Valentino sat down, awkwardly looking around as Alastor and his mother maneuvered around each other in the relatively small room. They must have done this before, time and again, cooking together, tidying up afterwards. Fuck, he wasn't getting sentimental over stupid shit like this.

Not even five minutes later and Val was presented with a steaming plate of food that smelled so delicious he was barely containing himself to not dive straight in. Homemade meals weren't exactly in his diet, except for the times Alastor would cook something for them.

"Thank you for the meal, ma'am," he said quickly. "It looks fu– fantastic." No cursing.

"Dig in, then. I hope it's up to your liking."

Val took a bite, already used Alastor's decently good cooking, but that was something else. Hot, spicy, perfectly salted, just absolutely delicious. He said as much once he swallowed, going in for another bite.

"So, Valentino, darling, tell me more about yourself. What do you do for a living and such?"

And now the questioning Alastor had warned him about started. "I'm in the film industry, mostly director, sometimes script writer, other times I cast the actors, whatever is needed." Which, neither of those was a lie per say, but he decided to omit the details.

"How lovely, such a creative mind you have, no wonder you and Al are getting along. And how did you two meet, actually?"

"It's not very interesting of a story, if I'm being honest," was the answer he gave, spearing the truth of 'I saw Alastor in the forest throwing a corpse into the river while I was surveilling for a location to shoot a porno, one thing let to another, and here we are, going on four years strong and counting.'

He went with the story he and Alastor had rehearsed, "we ran into each other in a bookshop, and got to talking about Jane Austen," which was, by absolute coincidence and totally not intentionally picked, the woman's favorite author. "We hung out a few times and finally I decided to ask Al on a date, and the rest is history." He finished the rant by leaning in and kissing Alastor on the cheek, lightly and cute and totally casual.

In all honesty, Valentino hadn't expected the dinner to go so well. No slip ups happened on his end, his jokes were all well timed, and Alastor's mother even offered to teach him how to cook sometime.

And as intrigued, Valentino insisted on helping clean up afterwards, so he ended up in the drying the dishes position while Alastor's mother washed them, and Alastor was sweeping the floor. Alastor had mentioned that his mother would most likely try to adopt Val, but he hadn't expected to be welcomed so warmly–

"Oh, and Valentino," the woman said abruptly, rinsing up a knife. "I almost forgot." She turned to face the man, smile so akin to Alastor's grin it was unnerving. "If you ever even think about hurting my son, I'll find you, gut you, make you into sausages, and use your bones for soup. Are we clear, darling?"

Valentino certainly should have been more terrified. Well, at least now he knew the murderous tendencies ran kn the family. Still, without skipping a beat, he answered, "Yes, ma'am," even though he wouldn't like to admit that his voice shook, "I wouldn't even dream of it."

The woman smiled, and while standing on her tip-toes, reached up and patted Val on top of his head with the hand that was still holding the knife. "Lovely, my dear. Keep that up and I won't have to serve you as a stew. And thank you so much for the help! You're welcome any time you'd like."

———

"Alastor?"

"Yes, dear?"

"What did I eat yesterday?"

"Jambalaya."

"You know what I mean."

"I certainly don't."

Valentino palmed his forehead. "Al. Did I eat human meat?"

"I believe you've eaten quite the assortment of humans, dear."

Valentino was more shocked from the innuendo coming from Alastor than the possibility of unintentionally consuming a human. "That's not what I mean and you know it!"

Alastor stared him in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about?"

Valentino grabbed Alastor by the shoulders. "Alastor. What was the meat in the dish your mother served me yesterday?"

"Human? Wasn't it obvious? Why do you think our cooking is so good?"

Our?! As in, Alastor's cooking too?! The one he had been feeding Val for the last four years?!?!

—————

Author's note: hey, Day 4 has been kicking my ass, but I'm working on it! I haven't written smut in years, I'm pretty out of shape.

[jajatoc]

about the character list: do you have any thoughts on Lara Ravel? [:

Thank you so much for asking!!!! I love Lara to death I'll gladly reflect on her character if you'll have me!!!

favorite thing about them- The anwer to this one is very silly. We share the same name. It was the first time a character I cared a lot about in a videogame had the same name as me! Because of its Russian origins I truly do not see it used often.. Aside from this, Lara Ravel is a very gorgeous character and I really like her in both Classic and 2. She changed a lot between iterations, I believe, and most of the changes are determined by her childhood friendship with Burakh, Filin and Rubin.

She constantly has nerve wracking anxiety and is painfully cautious, taking well measured risks at best. She values herself, but lives in a haze, in an empty house too big for her, so she tries to fill it with people as much as she can. Of course in 2 this point is exaggerated (positively), while in Classic her house is still very rich and bright (i love all the textures and patterns in the Shelter by the way. So beautiful), but she still hangs off in a secluded side room where all the colors seem duller, almost as if she ultimately needs to distance herself from others.

She has a sharp mind, sullied by deep, world ending grief. She lost her father in a spring a thousand years ago, and then, inexplicably, winter set in over her life.

Suddenly a chance to finally prove her kindness to the world presents itself in the form of a plague. She sets her shelter up to help people, until her fear sets in again, and she closes her doors. In the end her father's killer shows up, and she somehow sheds any fear she had grown into like a well worn coat. She walks in a determined fog to her gallows or her instant death, intending only to enact revenge over somebody else while completely disregarding her own still living existence. Death had always more value to her anyways, a bigger weight than life ever had. I'm always struck by Yulia's description of her in Classic, of how she already sees a walking corpse in every person, ready to lose them before she even has a chance to know them. This is deep rooted trauma over the death of her last living family member, and in a patho 2 perspective, over the loss of her childhood friends.

Despite it all, she isn't a loner, she is a rich woman (grown almost miserly in her modesty in 2) that spends her time among other eminent women of the city. She has a circle of acquaintances that trust her so much so that she is able to raise someone's reputation by merely speaking a good word about them. She definetely has power, but she is a Humble.

I love her stronger personality in 2, even if prone to wavering. She had been a sister to three boys once, growing alongside them, and this side of her never left even as they grew apart. Even if it's a rare thing to witness now, her good natured irony and sarcasm is the healthiest side of her personality. I love how her nickname is "gravel" and "proud trout" in the original russian text,,,

least favorite thing about them- *sounds of car tires screeching to a halt* I could never dislike anything about my wife. But. I hate how in two you can try to matchmake Lara with Rubin or fight with her about Nara. It makes my stomach turn. Leave them alone.

The single other thing I dislike.. is her treatment about the mental crisis over Block. I hate how people get to handle her rage and treat her like she is going crazy. (Mostly in classic. I actually love that you can find her goodbye letter in 2 if you fail to stop her.. it's a horrible sacrifice but it gives her a terrifying sense of agency. She really needed help and support and you weren't there. God) She has suffered so much!!

favorite line- I'm sure I also had a screenshot of it once somewhere but I'm in love with the sewing box item touch description in 2: Gravel once knitted a sweater for me. I asked her why it was blue. She told me that blue is the color of morons, and never made me another.

Like there she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

brOTP/OTP/nOTP- Of course, the Apple Baskets are endgame without question. Those people. Have surely something going on that I would love to see resolved. In a very gender non conforming way. I love strong platonic relationships, but they can genuinely do whatever they want. I need them to not die and stick toghether and continue whatever weird boygirls dynamics they had. Please. Also I need Lara to interact with Yulia perhaps. Perhaps

random headcanon- I always pictured Lara as a kid wearing her dad's reconditioned military garments... a jacket cut to her length with shortened sleeves, the shoulders falling too large on hers.... his old caps of course... sigh........

song i associate with them- I thought a lot about the Apple Basket gang (I even started writing a fic which I miserably abandoned..) mostly associating them to Adrianne Lenker music, but the songs I think most fit them (especially Lara) are Night Scented Stock and Army Dreamers (back to back specifically) by Kate Bush.... physically painful music......

favorite picture of them- The bonfire gang. They brought Tema a tiny mattress to rest with them. I'm sick as fuck. ALSO the very early Lara concept art!! While I'm in love with her intricately textured classic hd design (aside from the hair.. in my head it is frizzy and tightly curly like in her portrait) the concept art where her striking dark eyes and hair contrast so well with the white dress and scarf are truly gorgeous! It reminds me of the way older Catholic women would cover their hair to go to pray in church.. it's like a reverse mourning attire, in white.

Thank you so much again for asking and sorry for taking an ungodly amount of time 😭😭

[fullofgutsndopamine]

shake up the scenery (know you love the greenery)

or or: Hasan is the reason you're going to fail out of class, you're entirely convinced

You flick the light on at your desk, crack your knuckles, and take a deep breathe.

This exam has been weighing heavy on your shoulders, too frozen in fear to even study for it-finally talked yourself into studying, got out the highlighters and pens and notecards-ready to at least try studying now.

You opened the digital copy of your textbook, a groan coming out of your lips the second it loaded and you saw the amount you had to read-

and right on cue, as if he was planning it, deep in his basement rubbing his hands together waiting for his masterplan to work, loud music thumps outside.

"You have got to be-"

the music thumps under your feet, can feel it radiate down your body

Look, you aren't a confrontational person-really, you aren't-but this is the last class you have, so you gather up your courage and stomp across the yard

You don't even have to knock, the door opens as you stomp across the yard-Half empty beer bottles laid on their sides in the grass, stepped on cans of beers in between bushes and lining the steps

"Well, well, well-"

He smirks as he opens the door, practically takes up the entire doorframe, crosses his arms in front of his body-

"Finally decided to join our parties?"

"I'd rather pull my teeth out one by one-" You huff out, "The music, Hasan-"

"It's pretty good, right?"

He leans in to you, into your ear so he can really be heard, and you just know he can feel and see the pink on your face, even if it's dark in the house-

"Join us," He pulls on your sleeve. His voice drops, gets a little softer, is harder to hear him over the music. "Come on. Have some fun, finally."

And this isn't the Hasan you know-the loud mouth abrasive guy who's ready to fight with anyone, make them repeat themselves so he can show them what an idiot they are-this Hasan is soft around the edges; kinder. His voice drops and his shoulders slump, like he's trying to make himself smaller for you.

"If I fail, it's on you-"

"If you fail," He smirks, "I'll make it up to you. Take you out."

His voice borders on slurring, is obviously drunk, and you roll your eyes, "Turn the music down, asshole."

and before you can make a fool out of yourself anymore, you turn around and disappear

It's around 4 in the morning when you give it a rest. Eyelids are heavy with sleep, and you know you held onto none of what you just read-climb into your too small bunk, pillow pressed against your belly as you set your alarm to go off in an hour and a half, hoping Hasan will eventually give it a rest.

Walking into the classroom feels like death march; slow and steady, can feel the war drums behind you as if they're wishing you one final goodbye and thanks for the expensive tuition prices-

three hours later, one exam down (that you definitely failed)

"Hey!"

You could recognize Hasan anywhere-and no, not like that-the long hair that desperately needed to be cut, the backwards baseball cap for baseball teams and sports you know he didn't watch or know-

"Hey-you!"

and before you can stop yourself, you're throwing the chain link fence of the basketball court open, making his friend Connor, who holds the ball in his hands as he's about to pass it-pause, smirk and throw his head:

"Hasan," His voice is honey and you hate it, the sarcasm drips, "Another groupie."

Sweat makes his hair stick to his forehead but if it bothers him, he makes no effort to move it-instead stops, a smirk slowly creeps on his face:

"We can't keep doing this."

The bastard is enjoying this.

And that's enough for you.

Finding some confidence you didn't even know existed you march over to him, shoving a finger into his chest

"You're the reason I failed my biology exam."

He laughs, the kind where he throws his head back and the laugh comes back more of a giggle: "I'm the reason?"

And as you realize how much you're looking up to him to speak, noticing his freckles in the sunlight and the different colored nails on his hand as he holds a hand to his chest in mock horror-you can hear your heartbeat in your ears, can't believe you're doing this.

Like sure, you and your roommate spent months practicing what you'd both say to him to get him to shut up: the insults and how hurt he'd look but that was just for fun-mostly for when you were slightly tipsy over cheap, bottom shelf wine-

"Y-Yeah!" You shake your head, "Your stupid fucking music and-and-"

You shake your head again, before you can stop yourself from saying something stupid, show how you've been watching him-

He laughs; "My music right. Well-"

He leans down, closer to you, his voice a whisper: "Sounds like I owe you that coffee, eh?"

You want to punch the smirk off his face.

"No, Hasan-"

"One coffee," He says, "And if I say something stupid you can leave, I promise."

"You won't last two minutes."

"Try me."

It's quiet as you both stare eachother down.

"Fine. 6pm. The cafe. Don't be late-"

"Right," He smirks, "See you there, sunshine."

The sunshine is obviously a jab, but you take it as you walk away, hoping your feet don't give out as you make your way to your dorm, now having to figure out what to do with yourself for the next five hours.

[barrenclan]

I think Time Deer by Bent Knee fits Rainhaze

Any song that calls someone a dog is pretty good for Mr. Haze.

"Oh, nasty dog You are choking on a cog in my time machine Drag you along to the times from which you run So you can see what I see"

"I was string thin, barren and scrambling for food My people exiled, subhuman and crude <- hello. literally barrenclan They took my lover and library too War left me vagrant with nothing to lose"

Oh my God, thank you for blasting me back in time with this. I watched the Flowey animatic with this song about a million times when I was deep in my Undertale phase. Also, yes, Rainhaze as hell, I could literally put every lyric here and they'd fit for him.

"They're-they're these terrors And it's like, it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat and squeezing and It's like as if somebody was gripping my throat"

"Don't you breathe for me Undeserving of your sympathy 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did"

"A drink for the horror that I'm in For the good guys and the bad guys For the monsters that I've been Three cheers for tyranny Unapologetic apathy 'Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again"

"Sometimes I see flames And sometimes I see people that I love dying"

"And through it all How could you cry for me? 'Cause I don't feel bad about it So shut your eyes Kiss me goodbye And sleep"

It's definitely softer than I think of music for them, but those lyrics are pretty good. It's almost making me think more of Rainhaze talking to Slugpelt!

"Hey Bunny What if I lose you too If I become the monster Together we can always be blue"

"Hey Bunny Is that your name again It's making me laugh 'cause we used to be friends Hey bunny Am I talking in the mirror I only see myself as what we were"

I don't think so! I like it.

"I hate my work But I'm in control I'm fearless now But it cost my soul"

"It's alright to scream I'm screaming too Why'd you think I do the things I do? For shadows haunted me like ghosts So I became what I feared the most" <- Aw yeah

Okay real about the energy level, I feel that so hard. It would make a cool PMV though!

"He could never stand up 'Til he had to run Finger on the trigger Of an empty gun" <- Verse 1

"Well, she was on an upswing In the spring of life Dancing on a tight rope 'Til he brought the knife" <- Verse 2

I mean, if this whole post doesn't prove that Rainhaze is fantastic to staple music to his forehead, this should.

What a pretty song! Yes, definitely a great song for the overall story.

"I hear it calling/Deep down in my dreams/The wind is blowing/Something lost in me"

"There's nothing else to do/There's nowhere else to go/There's nothing else to live for, anymore"

It's on the playlist, in fact!

Oh I know this song! I used it in a speedpaint once. Ah, a particular context makes it very sad for me with Rainhaze.

"Save yourself I am far beyond repair They will bury me alive But I'm not inclined to care I am too far gone now, oh ohoho"

"Forget the man I used to be You'll move along more easily"

Silly, trying to slip another FNAF fansong past me. It can definitely work for Rainhaze, even if I can't listen to the whispering (I don't like ASMR).