#so i don't bury myself or anyone else in them lol

[cherubchoirs]

i SWEAR i’m gonna get back to answering asks consistently i just. all i’m doing is drawing right now. i gotta get my brain back on task

[mysunshine-youremoonlight]

.

[stromblessed]

Mizu's spectacles, and the levels of her disguise

In drafting some more Blue Eye Samurai meta posts, I find myself writing out the comparisons between what Mizu can and cannot hide about herself, and how that affects how she moves through the world.

Like, I get the jokes about Mizu's glasses, if only color contacts had existed back then, etc. etc., and I think (hope) that most viewers don't take the glasses jokes seriously, as in "I don't care about the suspension of disbelief because BES is a cartoon." But I wanted to write these thoughts out anyway without burying them in a text post about something else.

I think the points I'm going to lay out here are viewed very differently by different people, so please feel free to add to this post, reply, or put your thoughts in the tags!

Not only do Mizu's glasses not actually help her that much, there's surely more to Mizu's mixed race appearance than just the color of her eyes.

In my view, this was pointed out in episode 1:

I'm willing to bet most of us were expecting young Taigen to say "blue eyes," not "ROUND eyes."

Obviously this is still about Mizu's eyes, but not even spectacles can hide their shape.

I don't think the show is obligated to point out everything about Mizu's face that isn't quite as Japanese as the people around her expect. Though the creators have said that they specifically designed Mizu - and her clothes - to read both as "white" and as "Japanese," as well as both male and female. I think there's more about Mizu's features that read as "white" than just her eyes.

This is where my own headcanons start entering the picture, but it's my impression that people can just tell that Mizu looks different, whether or not they can put a finger on exactly how.

There's the little girl who looks at Mizu and then hides on the way into Kyoto:

When there's more to your face you'd like to cover up than just your eyes, big hats are a big help!

By the way, most of these examples have to come from the first half of the season, since by the second half, either Mizu is too preoccupied with fighting henchmen, or everyone Mizu is facing knows who she is already, and she therefore has no reason to hide her mixed race identity.

It's worth mentioning that the mere fact that Mizu has to hide multiple aspects of her identity - her mixed race and her sex - results in her having to choose clothes that really, really cover her up, which doesn't win her any favors either:

(Zatoichi reference, anyone?)

If it were as easy as, for example, tying her glasses to her head and wa-lah, nobody would ever know she was half-white - then (1) Mizu would've just done that long ago, and (2) Mizu wouldn't be so on guard and on tenterhooks 100% of the time the way she's depicted in the show, even when her glasses are on.

Her spectacles sure don't help her in the brothel, which is full of observant women who are trying to seduce her, meaning they get good long looks at her:

Mizu never takes her glasses off, but they still send a woman to her who has light eyes, thinking that must be what will interest a blue-eyed man:

No wonder Mizu gets mad after this, lol

So Mizu never takes her spectacles off in the brothel, it's dimly lit inside, and the women can still tell that she has blue eyes. I'm getting the sense that Mizu putting on her spectacles isn't a guarantee that people suddenly can't tell that she looks different.

And yet no one spots that she's female.

Mizu can hide her breasts, can wear her hair in the right style, can hide what's between her legs, can walk and talk and behave like a man - and she's been doing it for almost her entire life, to the point that not only is she very good at it, but the threat of being found out as female is deadly, but isn't presented in the show as omnipresent.

Let me explain.

She threatens Ringo for nearly saying the word "girl" out loud, because while she's constantly ostracized for being mixed race, being a woman traveling without a chaperone, carrying a sword, and disguised as a man will get her killed or flogged or arrested or some combination of these things.

But in addition, it's been drilled into her since she was a child that if she is discovered as female, the combination of her being mixed race and female will identify her as someone extremely specific, someone known to some bad people, and she will be killed:

I think of it as Mizu thinking to herself, "Being found out as mixed race means I'm treated badly. Being found out as mixed race and a woman means I'm dead."

Mizu's hair is cut as a child. But she isn't made to wear a big hat, or cover her eyes somehow, or anything like that. Because hiding her sex is a more successful endeavor than hiding her race.

Ringo finds out she's female by accident, but once Mizu accepts the fact that he won't rat her out, she relaxes pretty early on in the season. Because the threat of being found out as female is mitigated pretty much 99.9%, since Mizu has gotten so good at being a man. And also, because most of the time, people see what they want to see. Even if Mizu's face makes her stand out as "not 100% Japanese," no one in the world of BES looks at Mizu's clothes, her bearing, her sword, hears her voice, and will ever in a million years conclude that she is a woman, because expectations around gender roles in the Edo period were so rigid and so widely enforced.

One detail that proved this to me is after the Four Fangs fight:

Ringo takes off Mizu's clothes so he can stitch her up, then leaves her clothes off even after he's done. He doesn't even throw her cloak over her as a blanket or anything. There's a little a straw (pallet?) as a divider there on the left, but anyone could just peek around it and see Mizu and her chest bindings. (I think it's mostly there as a windbreaker.)

And Taigen is right there, but he doesn't give a shit:

Opinions probably vary hugely on this, but my impression is that because the show doesn't make any kind of deal about Taigen being in the room with Mizu here, my guess is that Mizu isn't in any danger of Taigen thinking she's female. Even when I watched the show for the first time, I assumed that Taigen had seen Mizu out of her clothes here, and that he thought nothing of it.

Eat your heart out, Li Shang (Mulan 1998). I actually do think that this scene is a direct and purposeful side-eye to that movie, lol

There's obviously some nuance to how "severe" being mixed race is compared to how "severe" being a woman is for Mizu:

After all, Swordfather can't bear to listen to Mizu confess to being a woman.

So a Japanese man can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants in BES. A Japanese woman has limited options: marriage, religion, or a brothel. A mixed-race man is an eyesore in this story. A mixed-race woman is a death sentence.

May as well eliminate the female aspect, and do what you can about the mixed-race aspect. Because that's just realistic.

Meaning Mizu can avoid the strictures Edo society places on women. But she can't avoid the repercussions that come with being mixed race. And I truly don't think that it's just because "there's no brown contacts yet."

[smoooothoperator]

untouchable

13: Little Life

Lando Norris x OC (Violet Sinclair)

same group friend, unrequited love, acquittances to lovers, ski trip, love triangle, life as lovers

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: a lot of fluff

a/n: any guesses of what was the gifts Lando gave her?? just a miracle I had any ideas of what to write bc i'm sick lol :)

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Every way of feedback is very welcomed

Never in my life I imagined I would be that nervous. I wasn't nervous during my graduation from college, nor during my job interview where I had to translate a really complicated text. I was nervous the last time I had to face my ex, that man that tried to force me on my birthday. But it wasn't the same nervous feeling as the one I have right now.

Waking up on Christmas Day felt different. As a kid, the first thing you do is run out of bed and go to the living room to open all the gifts under the tree. 

But now,  waking up next to him, felt different. Today I was going to his parents house, with gifts for them in our hands.

“Morning” he whispered, burying his face in the space between my neck and shoulder, pressing a soft kiss in my skin. “Merry Christmas”

“Merry Christmas” I smiled, moving closer to him. “I have a present for you”

“I have one for you too” he whispered. “I left it under the tree”

I giggled softly and looked at him, cupping his cheek with my hand and kissing his lips softly. 

“You are the first guy that slept in this bed” I confessed. “I never imagined I would say something like that to you”

“Why?” he smiled weakly, brushing the hair out of my face.

“Well… As you may remember, I moved to this apartment a year ago, after the incident…” I sighed. “And since that I never felt comfortable around anyone except for Harry”

“Owen…” he sighed and somehow I flinched after hearing his name after a long time, making him wrap his arms around me tighter. “Look, I know sleeping in the same bed as someone else is already hard. But… I just don't want to force you, okay?”

“I mean… I already gave you head, silly” I whisper. “I feel really comfortable with you, I swear”

“I'm glad to hear that” he smiled, kissing my forehead. “Just know that I would never ever force myself into you. Never”

I looked up at him and smiled, pecking his lips softly. I just wanted to show him how much he means everything he's doing for me, how grateful I feel for the love he gives me, and how easy he makes me to love him.

“Let's go open the presents” I whisper, sitting on the bed and stretching my arms, feeling his hand running all over my back.

I smiled and looked at him, kissing him again and again before getting up. I put on my joggers and his hoodie and tied up my hair in a messy bun, waiting for him to get out of the bed. 

This felt good. Sleeping with him felt good, having breakfast together felt good. Somehow, being with him all the time felt good, and I don't want to complain about it.

We sat in front of the tree, looking at the bags. Max and Pietra left their gifts for us there, so there were three presents for each one.

“Open mine the last” he said, making me look at him and frown. “Come on! Trust me!”

I sigh and smile softly, leaving the bag with his name next to me and opening the other two with Max's and Pietra's names on it. Pietra gifted me a book nook to put on my shelves and a bag, Max gifted me a reading journal and a book I was looking after about legends and myths. 

“Am I that obvious?” I laughed looking at the presents.

“I think your collection of one specific book and your office are a clear example that you love books” he smiled.

“Harry hated that I spent money on buying books” I sighed. “He always said that I should buy something like a Kindle to carry it with me”

“You know the answer to what I think about him” he sighed. “He always said shit like that to everyone, saying that he doesn't spend much money, that he only buys what he thinks he needs. At this point I think he's a narcissist and an egoist, always talking about himself and how good he does things”

I smiled weakly and nodded. I didn't tell him that I saw him yesterday while doing groceries. And I think I won't tell him, yet 

“Open mine” he smiled excitedly, looking at me.

“What, you want me to say that it's the best gift?” I smirked looking at him, watching how he was looking at me with happiness in his eyes.

“Oh, I think I know it will be the best one” he joked. “And I have to admit that it's has its merit because I had the idea for it yesterday”

I look at him and shake my head, smiling while I open the bag. There was an envelope and something more wrapped with paper.

“Open the wrapped one” he said, resting his head on his hand. 

I frown and grab it, shaking it a little. It sounded exactly like the box of a videogame. I looked at him and rolled my eyes playfully when he wiggled his eyebrows, making me chuckle softly. I tears off the paper, laughing when I saw two blue boxes of a videogame for the PlayStation.

“What? What is this?” I frown looking at the two games. “Assassin's Creed Origins and Odyssey… Oh! Are those games about Greece and Egypt?”

“Correct” he nodded. “Open the Origins one”

I looked at him and smiled, watching that the box didn't have the security plastic. I bite my lip and open it, frowning when I didn't see the CD of the game itself but a few papers folded.

“What…?” I frown, unfolding the papers and gasping when I read what was on them. “No way. Lando! Are you crazy?!”

“Now open the Odyssey one” he chuckled, excited to see my reaction.

“You are insane” I mumbled, opening the other box and finding the same things I saw in the other one. “Lando…”

“I have a lot of free time” he said, grabbing the envelope and placing it in my hand. “And you will too, because I know you can work at distance, that you can translate things without going to the museum because that's what you did while we were on the snow trip”

“But Lando, this… God, this is too much” I said looking at the papers, smiling weakly when I read what was inside the envelope.

“I made you smile, that's the most important thing, Violet” he smiled holding my hand. 

“You are crazy” I smile softly, feeling tears in my eyes. “God, you are making me cry! This… this touched me a lot. No one did something like this for me”

“I hope you are crying of happiness” he said, pulling me to him, bringing me to his lap and wrapping his arms around me. “I will do anything to make you happy, Violet. I swear. The money is not important at all, I have enough of it, it's not a problem”

“But my gift is really insignificant compared to this” I sighed.

“I don't care” he whispered. “Besides, this is something I will enjoy too and you will help me enjoy it more”

I smile and kiss his cheek softly, peppering kisses over his jaw and cheek until I touch his lips. The last few days I discovered myself longing for his kisses, to have his lips pressed on my, to feel his lips peppering kisses over my cheek, forehead, shoulder or temple. Kissing him is like a new drug I never want to leave.

“You are amazing” I whisper against his lips.

“I'm just trying to be enough for you” he said. “To be what you deserve”

“You are enough” I whisper.

He smiled and broke the kiss, kissing the tip of my nose before grabbing the bag with the gift I made for him. He opened and smiled, looking at the two boxes inside of it.

“Oh! You noticed” he smiled when he saw the box with his favorite perfume. 

“You left the bottle in my room this morning” I said. “I saw that it barely had liquid so I just wanted to get you a new one. And I love the smell of this perfume. I love smelling my this scent in the pillow when you leave, or bury my nose in the neck of this hoodie and smell you”

“Thank you” he smiled, kissing my cheek softly. He opened the other box and smiled, looking at the necklace on it. “At this point I'll only have jewelry you gifted me”

“I would gladly do that” I chuckled. “Do you use rings?”

“I mean… Not all the time” he smiled. “I forget to put them back once I take them off”

“Mhm” I nodded, biting my lip. “Okay”

“Why?”

“Oh, just wondering” I smiled.

We stayed like this for a while, in each other's embrace sitting on the floor, surrounded by presents and broken papers. His hands placed on my back held me tight to him, his thumbs drawing abstract figures over my skin made me relax, his chin resting on the crook of my neck with his breathing in my skin, were the best thing I could feel. 

Until now, I never realized that with him I felt safe. Not only now that I'm giving up and letting my walls down for him and that I can finally see how things truly are since I knew how Harry was, but since the first time I saw him. He always looked at me with a soft gaze that now made me regret thinking all those things about him just because Harry said that he was bad news. He always took care of me from the distance, giving me reasons to smile only by sending me books or gifts. He always asked me how I was doing even if he knew that I didn't want to be around him. He was always there for me even if I never noticed.

“Let's make breakfast” I whisper, rubbing his back.

“Okay”

I got up, immediately missing his warmth, and walked to the kitchen to make us something for breakfast. He followed me like a lost puppy, helping me with everything and trying to steal moments to hug me while the pancakes were on the pan.

“You are so clingy” I whispered, placing my free hand on top of his.

“You never complained” he laughed, kissing my cheek.

“And I'll never do it”

Having him here felt good. Being this domestic with bim felt good. Being with him feels good.

We had breakfast in silence, reading things on our phones, showing memes to each other. And the moment I washed the dishes, my mind realized that the next place I will go is to his parents house. And somehow, I started to panic.

“Lando?” I called him. 

“Yeah?” he smiled walking towards me. “Hey, you okay?”

“I… I'm going to your parents house” I said looking at him. “Like… I mean, I know them. I met them during your races and that. But… this is a completely different situation! I'm going there for Christmas”

“Yeah, so what?” he frowned, confused. 

“You are bringing a girl!” I said. “A-and, well…”

“We're a soon to be couple, right?” he said, holding my hands. “It's completely fine, I promise. They knew about my feelings towards you, and somehow I told them that we have been working on it since the ski trip. It's okay, Violet. Really. Don't worry about it”

“But then I have to make a good impression, Lando” I said. “Like… What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm not enough?”

“Hey” he smiled, cupping my cheeks. “They love you, yeah? Everything will be okay. Take a deep breath”

I sigh and nod, looking at him. In my previous relationships, meeting the parents was hard. They all had something bad to say about me: I wasn't as skinny as they would have liked, his ex was better, I don't have enough status for him. I know Lando's parents, I met them a few times as well as his siblings, but somehow it didn't feel the same as now meeting them as someone that is more than a friend for Lando. What am I supposed to answer when they ask what we are? We're not a couple, I don't want to rush things. We are friends, yeah, but friends that sleep together in the same bed and act like a couple all the hours of the day. 

“It will be okay” he said, kissing my forehead. “And now, go get dressed”

I sighed and nodded, going to my bedroom followed by him and we got changed. I felt his eyes on my back while I took off my clothes, making me blush. He never saw me fully naked, only in a bikini, neither  that last day in the snow when we thought we were going to have sex. 

“I'll turn around if you feel uncomfortable” Lando said when he saw I stopped undressing myself. 

“Stop being perfect” I joked when his back was facing me, throwing him the shirt I was wearing, actually his shirt. “You can look”

“I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Violet” he said. 

I smiled and walked towards him, hugging him. I pressed my body into his back, my hands on his abdomen. I trust him, I really do. 

And I love him for that.

I felt him take a deep breath when he noticed that I wasn't wearing a bra and kissed his shoulder. He relaxed in my arms, letting out the breath he was holding. 

“I know I'm not perfect” I whispered. “That I don't go to the gym and have a healthy diet, that I'm not fit like a model. I know that I don't have a body worthy of a fashion show. But I am how I am”

“Don't change” he said. “Never change. I love you how you are. You are perfect, Violet. I don't care if you are not a model. In my eyes, you are a goddess, can't you see?”

I smile and unwrap my arms from his body, letting him turn around and not caring when his eyes look at my body, scanning every curve of my anatomy.

“You are perfect” he smiled, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him. 

I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, closing my eyes and letting him hold me. I know this is not the moment, this is not the time to have our first time, but the fact that I took a step forward to start this relationship, made me happy.

“You are my favorite person, Violet” he whispered.

“And you are mine” I whisper back. 

And somehow, that felt like saying that I love him.

Going to my parents house was a road trip of two hours and a half. Two hours of driving my car with Violet next to me, letting me hold her hand or place my hand on her thigh.

Taking her to my parents house was something I always wanted to do. They knew about my feelings for her since the moment I realized I had them, and now that she is finally with me, I just wanted to introduce her to them.

We are not a couple yet, and I don't know when I will ask her to be mine. But what we have right now is perfect, I don't need anything else.

The present I gave her was something I knew she would love. She only travels when she's invited to our trips, she always said that it's her first time in a place when we arrive there. And I wanted to change it. I want to show her the world, to make her see in real life all the art she studies, to let her see in real life that thing she only sees in museums or on the internet.

“What did you buy for your family?” she asked me.

“Correct, we bought” I smirked “For my parents and Savannah and Oliver, one of those SmartBox for a spa weekend. For my younger sister a set of jewelry and for my sister Flo a new helmet that will have the same design of the one I'll have next year”

“Oh! That's nice!” she smiled. “I bought Athena and Mila some things from the store of the museum like a book with drawings of the paintings and then some little toys for them”

“See? You do the job of auntie pretty well, hm?” I joked, making her doll her eyes and laugh softly. “I'm serious!”

“You are lucky I love Mila and Athena” she said, and somehow when she started talking I had a little heart attack.

I told her that I love her, I never stop telling her. And it's not that I want to hear it immediately, but the way she acts around me makes me think that she in fact has those type of feelings for me. 

But… is this fair? I planned everything, I wanted to confess my feelings during the trip, but I never expected it to turn out the way it did. I never expected it to work, to have her with me in my car or sleep with her in her bed, to kiss her whenever I wanted and hold her in my arms. Somehow, this felt like a dream. Too good to be true. But if this was a dream I don't want to wake up, never.

When I parked the car next to my brother's I looked at her, holding her hand.

“Are you okay?” I asked her.

“Yeah… I think so, yeah” she nodded. “Do they know that I'm going?”

“Oh yeah” I nodded. “My mom even made your favorite dish”

“Really? No way!” she gasped. 

I chuckled and nodded, opening the door and going to the back of her car to grab the bags of the presents. She helped me, holding the smaller bags with one hand.

“Let's go” I smiled, kissing her temple.

She was perfect. The moment we walked inside the house and she took a deep breath, I could feel how she immediately relaxed. My mother welcomed us, and the moment she saw Violet next to me, her smile grew wider.

“Oh, Violet! It's so nice to see you” she smiled, hugging her, winking at me.

“Merry Christmas” she smiled, hugging her back.

I walked towards them and smiled, watching how my mom unwrapped her arms from Violet and imme hugged me.

“You deserve this” she whispered. “My good boy”

I chuckled softly and kissed her cheek, hugging her tightly. My sisters and dad came towards us and we all went to the living room, where my brother was already with his wife and his kids.

“Oh, hey!” Oliver smiled, standing up with Athena in his arms.

“Baby Athena!” I heard Violet giggle, talking with the high pitched voice she always used when she was around my nieces. “Hello, baby girl!”

I smiled when Oliver looked at me surprised, letting Violet hold his younger daughter. I smile hugging him, patting his back and pulling away just to look at Violet holding Athena close to her.

God, is it too soon to talk about babies? It is, right?

My family welcomed her as she has been here since forever, and I was so grateful for that. My sisters included her in their conversations, even my mom let her help clean the dishes instead of making her stay sitting like she was a special guest. And watching her getting involved with them, filing and talking with them, made me fall even harder for her.

“I really think she's the one” I told Oliver, sitting on the couch, watching how Violet played with Mila and Athena. “Every fight and argument with Harry were worth it. I fought for her”

“And I'm so proud of you for never giving up on her” he smiled. “When are you going to ask her to be your girlfriend?”

“O-oh, well…” I smile, biting my lip, grabbing my phone and showing him my screen. “I kinda have it planned”

“Of course you do” he laughed softly, hitting my arm. 

I smiled looking again at Violet, getting up and walking towards her when she smiled at me, sitting on the floor next to her and playing with Mila.

She's the love of my life. I would do anything to make her happy.

We spent the rest of the day with his family, and it felt good, amazing. The way they welcomed me and never judged me was so heartwhelming.

Athena and Mila insisted on being around me. The older little girl held my hand all the time, leading me wherever she wanted to go with her, showing me all her toys and books her parents brought, making me sit on the floor with her between my legs.

I liked this. I liked being treated this way, like another one of the family.

Lando's sisters talked with me like we were friends. Savannah trusted me enough to hold her daughters and have her younger one sleeping in my arms. Lando's mom asked about my work and studies like a mother, getting interested in whatever I said. Even his dad and brother got in the conversation, asking about my job in the museum and when they can go to visit me.

Is this how it feels being in a healthy family? One that doesn’t judge you, that thinks they know what's better for you?

“Well, I think we should go back to London” Lando said, looking at his wrist watch, stretching his arms and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“Oh! Why don't you stay the night?” his mom said with a big smile, clapping her hands happily. “In that way you two can rest and go back there in the morning”

“Mom, she has to work tomorrow…” he smiled weakly looking at me.

“It's okay” I said smiling, placing my hand on Lando's knee. “We can stay”

“Are you sure?” he whispered looking at me.

“Mhm, yeah” I smiled, kissing the tip of his nose.

“Okay, then” his mom smiled. “Lando's room is clean and the bed is made too. You can sleep there”

I smile and nod, leaning on him and wrapping my arm around his torso. I relaxed in his arms, taking a deep breath and looking at the fire dancing in the fireplace. His fingers played with my hair softly, making me cuddle him and rest my head on his chest.

“Do you want to go to bed?” he whispered, kissing the top of my head and I nodded my head.

He got up and held my hand, pulling me to him. We hugged his parents and siblings good night and then walked towards his room.

“This is my childhood room” he laughed softly. “Obviously reformed”

I chuckled and looked around while he grabbed a shirt for me to sleep on it. He walked towards me, wrapping his arms around my abdomen, pulling me close to him.

“Today was perfect” I smiled, turning around to wrap my arms around his neck. “Thank you”

“I’m glad” he whispered, leaning closer to mez resting his forehead against mine. “Because this, Violet…This is what I want for you, for us. A healthy environment, a healthy family. People that support you and won't judge you”

I smiled and nodded, kissing him softly, holding him tightly against me. We got undressed slowly, taking off our clothes and leaving them on the floor, not wanting to pull away.

“I don't think it's a good idea doing this with my parents around” he whispered, taking a deep breath when we stood naked in the middle of his room, only wearing underwear.

“Then we won't do it” I whisper. “But we can just get in the bed, feel each other's body and kiss, right?”

“Oh yeah, please” he chuckled, jumping on the bed and opening his arms for me. “Come here”

“Silly” I chuckled, crawling towards him and kissing his lips, feeling his hands over my body and pulling me close to him.

violetsinclair

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, pietra.pilao, savnorris and 698 others

violetsinclair I think I like this little life🧡

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pietra.pilao that little life suits you very well

violetsinclair I think so, yeah🥰🧡

landonorris

liked by maxfewtrell, pietra.pilao, oscarpiastri and 258.735 others

landonorris This little life

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maxfewtrell I think Athena has a new favorite person

landonorris for once I don't mind

oscarpiastri when are you bringing her to the garage?👀

landonorris who? Athena? She's too young for that😌

taglist

@elisysd @racinggirl @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @landoyesrizz @lorarri @bellwhysomean @leptitlu @aphroditeisamilf @brekkers-whore @copper-boom @sideboobrry11 @alltoomaples @f1madison @elijahslover @silkenthusiasts @chonkybonky @summerslike11 @randomgirlnumber-13 @is-just-a @whentheautumnleavesfall @malynn @mycenterfold @barackosteaa @izzy-marvel @ssprayberrythings @ophcelia

[crucifiedbymypriestess]

Hey, it's me again! As you know, I was excited to write Dark!Charles, and these are some quotes from before he drown in the darkness of his conscience, he is fr fr an absolute lost cause.

None of those works are published yet, but it'll be on AO3 soon. I'm also will posting about other cherik FICS.

Once again, forgive my English, I also translated it with Google this time. Feel free to correct any grammar/language misspells.

With a broken heart and a recent abandonment, Charles is tempted to be no longer fearing his own telepathy.

Some quotes:

"I keep asking myself if there is something about me that makes everyone abandon me. If my love, my emotions and my words always show that I'm so desperate, that my mind wants to grab his, dig in my nails and turn them both completely into one, because only then my love could be understood."

"...But I liked it. I liked that because only then I can feel a pain so deep, that I certainly call it mine, and only mine.

Only in that way I can feel my heart being only mine, my mind only listening to me, and for a brief moment I only..."

"It hurted me, but he left as if nothing had happened, with his figure upright. I remember crying and complaining about the sharp, dull pain in my back.

My mind was desperately trying to reach his, but his direction was empty and quiet. But my projections never stopped, they were transmitted loud and clear only to Erik. Just...

Please, Erik, turn around, please look at me. Don't go, Erik, please. I love you, I love you, I'm sorry. Please don't abandon me, I can resist more, I will never complain, but stay.

Erik disappeared leaving a trail of red smoke like everyone else next to him, but my heart felt that Erik turned into ashes until his body mixed with the sand of the beach in Cuba."

"Maybe if I resist, in the end there may be a reward for me, a little more and maybe something will shine in front of my eyes.

Enduring so much pain, I can't give up now, just a little more and in the morning I will have a happy ending, and I will only be able to hear myself, and I will feel my own hands, I will feel my own skin, I will be loved and kissed, and I will like it, I will. . I will love, and it will tickle me, I am so sure. Just a bit more of waiting."

"I hate him.

Why it has be so difficult? I'm tired, and I really wonder if this is really necessary, if the times I see the love of my life again, it will be to be judged and led into a fight that I don't want.

Maybe it's best for us to say our goodbyes and bury our love, stay with our good memories..."

"Help your people, Charles. If you owe anyone anything, it's us. You can't keep defending humans, Charles! They plan to exterminate us!

I don't want to be anyone's hero, Erik. I... I'm serious, I'm tired."

"I don't owe anything to you, or anyone else, Erik. Why is so difficult to understand that for once I would like to be the one who can choose himself? Are you going to steal my life and the decisions in it like you stole my sister?"

"I never asked about this, I don't want it. I don't want to be the one, to rescue anyone, please, just... everyone go on their own."

And that's all, lol. Me on my way to give old men abandonment issues. Still not satisfied with the writing, but I'm getting better time to time, I'm getting there!

[magpie-come-east]

Also Hornsent grandam for the ask meme because she’s cute and deserves more love

favorite thing about them

Frankly I love everything about her. I love her design. I love her dialogue. I love that she is initially hostile but softens up as the story progresses. I love, even then, she never actually trusts the player wholly (she thinks you are a Sculpted Keeper, that's why she loosens up). Despite her sharp tongue and stinging condemnation, she shows over and over that there is a loving old grandma buried beneath the ash laid during the war. She's old. She's been watching her friends and family die all her life. She's watched her way of life slowly go extinct. But she faces the player with dignity. She makes soup with love. She tells the player to take a nap. She tells you to beat Messmer's ass.

least favorite thing about them

This is a petty detail, but it kinda bugs me that she says 'by the look of thee, another of Messmer's peons, methinks' about the player. Then later when the player wears the Divine Beast Dancing Lion mask, she mistakes them for a Sculpted Keeper because of their smell. I believe her horns made her blind, hence her recognition by scent later. But at the beginning they make it seem like she is still sighted. It feels like a minor oversight, but it bothered me haha.

But Gramma is perfect otherwise!

favorite line

"For what reason dost thou falter, villain? Enact thy sordid work with fullest pride. Else tuck away thy tail and leave for good. Loathsome issue of the rotten strumpet."

These lines are just so badass. She is an old woman 'looking' her would-be assassin in the eye and saying 'Do it, coward. You won't.' With a couple of lines we can see what a strong and proud woman she is. She fully expects to die, not understanding a Tarnished is not an agent of Messmer. But she refuses to be humiliated or cowed.

"I cannot presume thou didst not suffer... Please, I ask thee, allow thyself some rest. None of the tower would dare interfere. And if one should, I'll see to them myself!"

I also love this one. Once she lets her guard down she really is just a grandma. She is glad that Messmer is dead. But more than that, she is concerned about you. It's genuinely sweet.

brOTP

I think all the Horned Warriors love her. She bosses them around and they all crave her praise. Like I said, she's a Grandma.

I also feel like her and the Omen Twins would get along eventually. She'd bust their balls so hard, and they'd bite back just as hard.

OTP

I don't actively ship her with anyone. But since she grants the player the spirit of her own son to guard them, she probably had a partner at some point. Someone who likely isn't around anymore either ;;

nOTP

She wouldn't be caught DEAD with a non-hornsent lover lol

random headcanon

The Grandam is a respected leader in Belurat. Not because she was elected to or inherited any great position. But because she is one of the few elders of her clan that remembers the cultural practices that Messmer's armies are stomping out. Even the hornsent people call her Grandam because she's basically a grandmother to them all.

unpopular opinion

Hornsent Grandam isn't mean. If her 'rude' lines were given to Messmer to say ya'll (general) would be lapping it up. To be honest, I don't think most people dislike her, so this isn't really an 'unpopular' opinion. But all criticisms I see about her character are immensely bad faith. She's not 'fuckable' (ie, she's actually elderly) and a woman. So she must necessarily be dunked on to prop up the mediocre man that is her enemy.

song i associate with them

I dunno the Cult of the Lamb soundtrack.

Genius of Love - Tom Tom Club

[kaelidascope]

Director's commentary on Something About Moths and a Flame, please!

Oh this outta be fun LOL OKAY

So the overall story of how this fic was even born in the first place stemmed from 2 things. I had an idea to write about a shameless self-indulgence about having an overabundance of experience with cismen with hardly any queer experience. And the little queer experiences Blake did have were not good reference points. Using myself as a default source of plot devices (lmao) I self-inserted the desire to get the fuck out of my current state and wanting to move somewhere north to start over. Bing bang boom, you got a basic background and motive for Blake

I honestly should've expected the fic would be more than just 'bisexual character experiences sex with a seasoned sapphic character' and trying to manifest positive things in my life by writing it out in fic format (who doesn't do that, really. If anyone says they don't they're a liar). Everything I make always turns out to be something way more than it's original concept so what I ended up with here was a story drawing on personal elements and wanting for an outcome that probably wont happen, but it's nice seeing it happen to the bees anyway

Blake's feelings about relationships represent a time in my life where my opinion was exactly hers. After a lengthy discussion with Sawrin over dissecting this fic, I've come to the realization that Yang also represents a time frame of opinions as well. Only Yang's core design comes from a time waaaaay in the past that honestly, I had forgotten existed. It's nice to see it manifest despite being buried, and certainly gives me something to think about when I reread it from time to time.

Readers of MM and Moths can draw lines between Blake questioning why things are so easy when she's with Yang. It's the same principle across the board for most bee fics that Blake's past hasn't been kind to her. It's an alien feeling to suddenly have things be so easy, but difficult to accept they're easy at the same time. I tried to picture how the fuck would I react if I were in this perfect dream scenario and how stupid would it be after the realization hits. Blake and Yang have been dating this whole time and just never accepted it for what it was based on what other people have lead them to believe what a relationship had to be.

The talk they have when Yang's AC is out and they're laying in her bed with the windows open is in reference to a talk I once had that didn't have the outcome I wanted. It carries the same essence of dismay - both parties knowing they want each other but because of the boundaries at play, cannot have what they want. But in this version it's not one sided.

Overall, it was nice getting able to write from a quietly honest place without having to worry about literally every other realistic factor ever. This is about as textbook 'I wrote this for me cus I wanted something that applied to me' as it gets. The ending is my dream scenario. I fucking hate living with partners I can't do it anymore JKNFKGNKJGFN but it's not easy finding someone else who'd agree with me. So the bees get my lost dream of permanent independence. I wrote this thing in 3 days and I was morbidly sick while I was doing it, too. So I'm sure it's littered with grammatical errors and what have you. But my best friend has always been completely head over heels about this work, and it astounds me how much he sings its praise. I'm always genuinely surprised when others find something to relate to in this work as well. I never expected it to be anything more than just a glance. It's not even smut heavy. I didn't think people cared about fics like that LOL (silly, I know) but I am glad I put it out there and it got the response it did.

[nametakensff]

you just casually posting about how long it's been since you've nutted and how its affectin u is insanely hot to this snzfucker combination orgasm denial kink-haver.

So glad to hear that, anon! 🥰 I'm always happy when my oversharing on here turns other people on. It feels like as suitable a place as any for me to be unabashedly explicit

That being said, much more graphic details of my frustration under the readmore for anyone who is interested! 😤

I think by the time Monday rolls around this may well be the longest I've gone without actively masturbating or having an orgasm since I started to actively do so aged 14 lol

I foolishly thought I would be okay to listen to wavs yesterday but of course that was the stupidest idea - had to turn one off after a minute because I was going mad and was moments away from masturbating. I did touch myself a little, just to feel how wet I was and how sensitive, but forced myself to stop before it really started to feel great...

All day today my hand has been finding its way between my legs. I touch myself a lot out of habit, and normally this wouldn't be an issue - I'm home alone on weekdays, I can back away from work for a moment (or longer) to get myself off - but right now the temptation just feels like torture 😫

I was on my daily walk earlier and as my mind is prone to doing, my thoughts wandered into sneezing and fucking territory - my favs sneezing on and fucking each other, me eating out a woman as she sneezes all over me, me pegging a fav whilst they bury their face in a feather pillow and sneeze over and over...

I had to physically stop walking for a moment because my cunt felt heavy and engorged, I was so suddenly turned on. It almost ached with the sudden rush of blood, and I was unmistakably wet. I switched from listening to music to a serious podcast for a while and used to that to distract me, and I was successfully able to get home with no further issues

I feel like I may even have to extend my masturbation ban until Tuesday when I'm alone all day, since this Monday is a bank holiday and my sister and flatmate will both be home...I don't want to start touching myself or I just won't be able to stop, and I want to be able to enjoy orgasms with all my toys for as long as I want and as loudly as I want. Work will just have to wait, I'm afraid 😌

But yeah. I think if I attempted to do this whilst I was going through one of my intense horny spells, I genuinely would not have lasted this long. If it feels like this much of a tease now, I feel like I would actually lose my mind under those conditions!!

Cannot wait to reward myself for my hard work. I feel like I won't be making a habit of this because I'm far too hedonistic and orgasm driven - buuut if I feel again in the future that I need to take a break, I now know I can at least pull off 5 days! Honestly, I would much rather tease somebody else like this for a week then reward them myself if they manage to last 😇

I hope you get something out of this, anon! I'm trying my best to be good but I'm sporadically typing this one-handed. Still not giving in, though!! 🥲

[diagonal-queen]

(I’m always so scared to send in requests but I have so many ideas😭) but how about sigma x (insecure/or not) chubbyish reader?

Please don't be scared love!! I promise I'm friendly and I accept all kinds of ideas :) I was so glad to see this one as a chubby person myself! Plus Sigma is always a winner hehe

The Other Perspective

♡ pairing: Sigma x chubby!fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: You're insecure about your weight as you try on a new dress, but Sigma is having none of it.

♡ wc: 1.3k

♡ cw: Reader is chubby and they are insecure about this, and have negative thoughts about their weight. Reader has feminine titles like 'girlfriend' and 'woman' (also anon I'm so so sorry if you're not afab/female/use she/her pronouns; that is absolutely my bad. I just wrote it that way based on my own experience I'm sorry I love you sm T-T I can write something else for you if you want me to lovely <3)

note: With the parts where reader criticises her weight; I don't think that weight makes someone ugly or unworthy of respect at all! I just personally have self-esteem issues to do with my own body (got bullied for it a lot), as well as a ton of other problems with self-loathing. I do not condone unhealthy activities related to weight loss nor do I condone bullying someone (including yourself!!) because of their weight. I understand that this message might seem insincere because it's so common, but I truly mean it. I love you all, big and small and everywhere in between. Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy. (sorry this was long lol i'm PASSIONATE)

"Ah..." you sighed, turning to your left and scrutinising your side profile. Your hands wandered down to your stomach, where you instinctively sucked in. You didn't know why you still did so after all these years; it always, always yielded the same result. You couldn't wear this- you would look ridiculous, especially next to Sigma.

That was a shame, especially since Sigma had bought it just for you. You presumed that he would be able to find a more suitable dress with ease, but you still felt bad. With the dress being nice, and the buyer of said dress being Sigma, it had to have been pricey. He always seemed to splurge just a tad when it came to you. You took a seat at your vanity, burying your face in your hands as you let out a hopeless sigh.

You liked visiting the casino area of the Sky Casino acting as a guest- or a VIP, technically- and gambling every once in a while. It was especially fun to do with your partner, partially due to the fact that he was the casino manager. You always wanted to look the part, as the Sky Casino was a rather luxurious establishment, and most of the time that was achieved courtesy of Sigma himself. He ran the place- he could get you anything you dreamed of if you just asked. Most of the time you didn't have to.

He had bought you yet another article of clothing- a wine red fitted gown that trailed behind you. You felt that if anyone else wore it they would have looked fantastic. Not you, though. You thought you looked hideous. You also wondered what went through Sigma's head when he chose this. Did he think it would look good?

You were riding this train of thought when you heard a knock on your room's door. You turned to it, in surprise, before calling out to whoever it was to come inside. The door creaked open and around the corner popped a head of white and lilac hair. Sigma stepped into the room as you stood up, and he quickly paused to stare at you in your dress. You felt a little embarrassed all of a sudden.

"Y/N...!" Sigma spread his arms as he approached you and didn't hesitate to immediately wrap them around your waist. "You look just gorgeous." 

"Sigma..." You began, trying to hide the very obvious redness that had appeared on your cheeks. "This is lovely, and I appreciate it, but I can't wear it." 

"Why not?" His face contorted into one of concern, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. "Do you not like it?" 

"No, it's not that..." You glanced towards the mirror once more, solemnly eyeing your reflection. "It's just- it doesn't look good on me specifically." Sigma's eyebrows furrowed and he directed his gaze to the mirror also, surveying you in your new red dress still with the tag hanging out the back of it. 

"What do you mean? You look lovely." 

"I..." You never knew what to say in times like these, since Sigma would never want to hear you self-deprecate. But you couldn't deny the way you felt, both in the dress and your shame. "...I feel insecure in this dress." 

"Why?" 

"Because it makes my stomach and thighs look massive?" You turned back to Sigma and placed your hands on his cheeks, pressing a peck to your partner's lips. "I love it, and I'm very grateful for it, but I don't feel comfortable in it. It's too tight, I think." 

Sigma let out a sigh, placing his hands over yours. This wasn't actually the first time you two had shared such a conversation. One of the first things you told Sigma around the time you began dating was that you didn't like your weight, and every so often it came up on days that you were feeling down.

Sigma really couldn't care any less about your size, your stretch marks or anything of the sort. On the contrary, he thought it was all rather attractive, and he secretly enjoyed showing you off in the casino. He often berated himself for not being able to get that message across in a way that would make you truly believe him, but he always continued to try. He wished that you could see yourself the way that he did; like a source of comfort, a home. And a stunning one at that.

"Y/N...hey. You always listen to my thoughts and opinions, don't you? You're very thoughtful and considerate."

"...I guess so, yeah," you nodded, still dejected.

"Then you need to listen to my opinion right now, which is that you're beautiful regardless of your weight." Sigma put his hands on your shoulders. "It doesn't matter how much you weigh to me. I know I don't care, but you do, and I respect that. I get having self-esteem issues- I have them too, but you've always been there to help me with mine. I wanna be able to do the same for you, too."

"Sigma..."

"Personally? I think you're adorable just the way you are now. I want you to know that no matter how you look, I'll always love you. Alright?"

"...alright," you nodded slowly, your face breaking out into a smile when Sigma pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"That being said, you do look very beautiful, but if you want another dress I can get one for you." As if he knew that you were about to protest, he held up a finger and pressed it against your lips. "It's fine, honey. It's no issue for me."

"You do too much for me, Sigma," you told him with a small blush spread across your face.

"You're my girlfriend. What kind of partner would I be if I didn't?" He replied, sincerely.

"...do you think maybe we could choose one together, then?" You slowly asked, wrapping your arms around his neck. Sigma grinned, before pulling you in for another kiss.

"That's a good idea, my love. All I want is for you to be comfortable, and to feel as beautiful as you look."

"Pfft, alright," you scoffed, meekly. "How corny of you." Sigma just continued smiling.

"I mean it, you know. You're always turning heads in the casino."

"That can't be true..."

"It is, honestly. I see jealous guests looking at me all the time, and it makes me feel even luckier than I think I am already." Sigma's palms pressed into the sides of your waist. He knew you were a bit of a sucker for praise and was trying to use it to make you feel better. And, of course, it was working like a charm. You pressed against him, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"That's so cute of you, Sigma. I wouldn't want you getting into any trouble for my sake, though."

"I'm willing to risk it," he chuckled, before taking a breath. "...I really do think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met- not that that's the only reason I love you...! Just that it's kind of a bonus on top of everything else I love about you."

"Yeah, I know. I appreciate it, sweetheart," you replied, peacefully.

Sigma wondered if you actually got it that time, or if you were just telling a white lie to humour him. He did hope so, but if not he'd just have to keep trying. He was more than happy to. For you.

sugar daddy sigma. sugar daddy sigma. sugar daddy sigma. also fun fact! i refer to myself as a 'human pillow' because of my weight actually! it began when i was hugging some kids i'd worked on a school play with and they told me i felt like a pillow. it made me feel better about my size so i stuck with it. i also love giving people hugs ^-^ and pillows are just the best. so :)

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Lol they really skipped the dating and went right to exes LOL

I'm so glad you like the long asks!!!!! :3 I don't wanna fixate on Igor and Snape for too long bc Ik that can get sort of boring and maybe irritating and totally don't want to do that to you but ummmm

1st of idk if you see it the same way but I wouldn't be like,,,, jaw on the floor if Snape was a flustered little loser LOL so I idkidk I just think Igor would take advantage of that. Idk I think you were spoton with "ooh you wanna kiss me so bad you little man" heehee but Ik you do fanfic requests... So ... Idk you totally 100% don't have to do it if you don't want to but Idk I'd love to see a fic of it!! Ur writing is scrumptious :33

Umm and 2nd 2nd why do you think Igor's so scared of Snape?? :0 I know (or at least think LOL) that is bc he's like all mysterious and mean as a teacher and that's why people are so spooked out but Igor's like,,, seen him naked LOL so idk I'm just curious :3

Sorry for so much spamm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- 🍃

Ahhhh I love the spam so much!! It’s been a tonne of fun but also oh damn the fact that anyone wants to listen to my silly little rambles is wild to me still lol

They definitely went from like,, annoyances who share a dorm room to something vaguely friendly to fucking to vaguely friendly (depending on who else they’re getting shipped with or if they ever stop fucking around at all) to betrayal to bickering exes. They are so awful lmaooo

Chatting about them has been very fun but please feel free to ask me about any other characters!! Even ones I haven’t before/haven’t mentioned!!

I think it takes a certain kind of approach to turn Severus Snape into a flustered little loser, firstly because you have to make it clear to the little dingus that you’re actually being serious first. There is a sense of “we’re both aware you’re ugly but at least I can use your body for something” element to these two ngl but!!! That’s just how they are you know??? It sounds shitty but no one claimed these two were healthy. I’ll definitely write one Igor Karkarov trying to seduce Severus Snape in the most horrible way into my little book of things to write at some point!!

I’m not sure if scared is the best word (if I’m the one who originally said it then this is me officially correcting myself lmao) a better word would probably be intimidated. Specifically after the whole ratting him out thing, before that I don’t think he was particularly intimidated of him which probably threw Severus off because he’s used to that being his main defence and all that. I think especially after they start hooking up but before the whole him ratting him out thing there is very few things Severus can do to intimidate Igor because he can do his whole rant around Igor being a vile cockroach meathead who only thinks with the wrong head but Igor is just going to lean far too close into his personal space and say some dumb shit like “I don’t remember you complaining this much about the head of my cock when it was buried deep inside you last night” and then he does his stupid little laugh lmaoooo

[fucking-it-catastrophic-style]

at the moment the plot i have is pretty simple because i'm not sure how the time frame i'm dealing with will work with the constraints i put on myself by pitching an idea too cool to my advisor and getting myself stuck with LOL.

"you" are the protagonist - havent decided if this will be second person and primarily prose with small intersections of live-action environmental video or if it will be a physical experience in real life (dubiously doable) or if it will be a sort of digital environment that mostly consists of finding a bunch of text (also dubious)

you wake up in a strange place - a private train car you don't remember seeing before, maybe under the impression you've got a concussion - and you don't really know how you got there. There is a note in your hand, though, and the note in your hand looks like it was written very hastily and it says something along the lines of "the thing we're running away from is closing in on us and we have to get the fuck out of here before it shows up"

you have some sort of macguffin (i was in fact inspired by Alan Wake, sue me) and you need to get it away from whatever's chasing you, or maybe to the place you're being chased from. You're not clear on the distinction, and the notes aren't super clear either because you clearly thought you'd know that when you wrote them

if you try the doors on the train car they are apparently locked. If you open the shutters and look out the window it appears at first glance to just be very dark, because it's pitch black out there, but if you look more clearly you're actually buried underground. Not moving, if you shine a light at the windows you can see dirt packed against them. Buried, not just underground. Yeah?

You keep finding notes that make it a little more clear what's going on and while you're doing that the player character ("you", the protagonist, etc) seems to start getting their shit together - if this is a digital environment then they're more animated, moving and flexing in ways you (the player/reader/whatever) aren't teling them to do. Maybe the headache is wearing off.

You find out that the thing you're running from, your enemy, cannot be trapped anywhere, cannot be avoided, none of that - they seem to have a supernatural ability for getting in and out of places and the reason is that they can body-hop from person to person, and if there's anyone nearby they can possess their body and take over them. The mcguffin is supposed to keep them in place but it has to be used by the right person and you aren't that person.

If this is digital then your character starts doing more weird shit you didn't tell them to. Taking steps away from where "you" are going or turning when you didn't turn them. Not the headache wearing off, then.

If you're trying to get out of the train car and you push some stuff around you can find blood on the floor.

At some point you find another note - if you fuck it up completely and the thing gets you and the mcguffin, the other solution that you and your buddies are going to take is to blow up the tunnel the train is going through so that you're all trapped together on this fucked up train and the thing can't possess anyone else because no one else is nearby. This is, explicitly, not an ideal solution because it means you will die.

The last thing you find is also your cell phone (awesome!) with no reception (blah) and a text message that's you pointing out that you're the last alive person on the train and you completely fucked it all up and they need to blow up the tunnel. or something like that, i need it to be obvious at the end but not necessarily the middle

obviously there's a lot of moving parts that will have to be nailed down and i am required by my own hand to make it multimedia. So the story can only be as complicated as that. But i think i like what I got so far.

[toxicanonymity]

Hey... so I think u r so amazing at writing dark but still emotionally complex and redeemable characters! i.e. Raider Joel.

Do u think u cud write a Dave York fic?

Also how old are, I don't mean it in a prying way but I am trying to understand how you write such complex and intricate characters.

Did u study writing or psychology? Where do you get inspiration for these characters and plots.

I am in awe!

Note to tumblr at large (I don't think anon thinks this, but i've seen weird takes before and want to avoid confusion about my own stance): I don't think characters have to be deep to be compelling or entertaining or good. Not all of mine are. People can like what they like and write what they feel like. imo, I'm not better or worse than anyone else, we just have different preferences, moods, etc. both as writers and readers.

Anon, tysm . 🖤 Raider joel feels seen, and I'm flattered by everything you've said and asked. Realistically, I don't think I have the bandwidth to make a new complex character rn, but I could possibly do something short later on, or if you wanted to try your own, that could be fun. I took psych 101 but have learned a little more by morbid curiosity. I've always had dark fascinations which has led me to spend many late nights reading macabre stuff (like nonfiction articles) and watching horror movies. Plus, let's just say I've always had a rich inner life somehow rejecting notions of what "should" interest me lol, so my mind has been tinkering with dark fantasies way longer than i've been writing or reading them. Writing insights below.

If you have at least some kind of vibe in mind, or even just an action or line of dialogue, you could start writing -- it doesn't have to be the story you want, it could be anything, like put him in a situation experimentally. Ex: Make something bad happen to him, what's going through his head? As you write, the stuff that begins to come intuitively could reveal a lot about the character that's buried in your head, and their identity and motivations could become clearer. If I have an idea of what they'll do, I might think to myself, why are they doing this and what causes them to rationalize it (if they do), and/or what causes someone to still [ex: accept? fuck?] them with their flaws and bad deeds. It could be something about either person or both. I won't usually spell these things out, but it will affect how they act together and on their own, how they experience things, etc.

Thank you again. And sorry I didn't respond to a prior ask about doing Dave, I was battling with myself. Also got a little shy on this one lol. When i don't respond i might be undecided, not sure what to say, shy, or it might be in my drafts which is now kinda eating asks sometimes too, ugh. 🖤 🖤 

[pyropsychiccollector]

Do you have any interest in Pokemon? Not because I want to nerd out about it specifically, but because... let's just say, I've been rather inspired after reading your Raincode stuff, and watching some Pokemon animations online. (人◕ω◕)

Still have to determine if this is merely a temporary spark, or a true desire to write out what I have in mind, however~ (人◕ω◕)

You know, it's strange. For all I talk about Sayaka being the "source" of so many muses and subsequent harem ships these days... My true, honest beginnings - my first forays into discovering and reading fanfiction in general lies in...

Ash x Misty. n___n I must've discovered fanfiction.net myself back in, ooh... 2004? That feels so long ago. I'm old. XD Had no interest in writing back then, I was just thirsty for a ship that canon kept mercilessly teasing me with. No other anime I liked had me so invested in a ship. I suppose Digimon eventually hit me with Takato x Rika, and Takuya x Zoe, but Ash x Misty was definitely my origin point for anything fanfiction. That was the first time I ever Googled "Ash x Misty stories" or anything of that ilk. Seeing so many stories on ffnet made me proud to be a shipper for them. lol

Granted, I was a kid. And the quality of fanfics was as varied as it is these days. But back then I didn't care so much if some stories were cheesy. I remember coming across aged up Ash and Misty scenarios, a more adult and nefarious Team Rocket terrorizing them, Ash as the Kanto Champion and TR trying to get to him by assaulting/kidnapping Misty.... That was one of the better written fanfics I read back in the day.

That all said, am I still a Pokeshipper these days? Ash x Misty, sure. And shinobisage09 made a Ash harem card a while back...

In terms of my tastes? Ash x Misty is my highest priority. Ash x Serena is alright, I just haven't watched the XY anime to grow attached to that ship, while the original Pokemon anime was my childhood. XD Ash x May is okay, very neutral to that one... Ash x Melody is fun. She was only in the 2000 movie, but man she left an impression~ Melody is probably the reason I enjoy Natsumi Kuzuryu so much. Or rather, girls like them - spunky, tough girls that have tender sides they don't like showing. Ash x Anabel is fun, too, from what I remember of the Battle Frontier anime... Ash x Dawn is okay, like May I'm pretty neutral about it. And then the grass girl there... I haven't watched the Sun and Moon anime either, so I dunno what that ship - or rather, how the girl thinks about Ash....

I guess to summarize, my favorite Ash ships are Misty, Melody, and Anabel. Serena to a little lesser extent. Then Dawn and May. Then anyone else, so long as it's not toxic or creepy. XD I suppose that girl from the fifth movie... Bianca, I think? Or Latias in her form...? Whichever it might be, the kiss at the end of that movie was cute, but I'm a bit unsure about dabbling in human x Pokemon.... Not sure if that's a kink of mine. It might be easier to "assume" that was the real Bianca kissing Ash, and not Latias... Even though the evidence points to the contrary. lol I'm used to burying my head in the sand~ XD

But I digress. Outside from Ash...? Uh.... Probably the only other Pokemon ship I like is Brock x Lucy (the Pike Queen). That episode in Battle Frontier was awesome. XD Beyond that, I can't think of other ships in Pokemon that I like. I haven't read the manga, so I'm neutral to any Red, Brendan, Krys, or any of their ship stuff. I do find Leaf to be cute. Claire is hilariously tsundere. Cynthia is bae~ Gardenia is cute. I love Team Magma Courtney, specifically her Omega Ruby version. She's crazy, but I like the crazy~ XD I don't necessarily ship those girls with Ash. Maybe Courtney x Brendan (Hoenn protagonist), but that's about it.

[nagito-kissmaeda]

b, j (for alone at the edge of a universe), k, and x!

OOH THANK YOU! Link to the post here if anyone else wants to ask me stuff B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience? Hmm, the only one that is (and only sort of) is Community Gardens, because that's sort of uh, me getting the reader to say to Komaeda what I wish I could say to myself I guess lol. I have self esteem issues, YAHOO!

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

SICK PRANK. i am STILL after all these years working on chapter 2, I swear. But hm, if I wasn't planning a sequel, I would probably have just cut the final line altogether. I will post a little snip from the second chapter as a treat (under the cut at the bottom) K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Oh yeah, this is easy. I thought up this fic idea about a girl who meets Komaeda while he's getting treatment at the hospital, and she was going to take him out on little adventures and they would fall in love but he was going to die at the end. I made myself too sad thinking about it, so I will not write it. free real estate if someone else wants to write it instead lol. It was semi based on the song Firewood by Regina Spektor if you know it X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

OOH FUN! Tbh it isnt real suffering, but I do bully Souda constantly even though I really like him lol. But hm, I don't often write angst or anything like that so I'm wracking my brain a little. I think the real characters I like to make suffer are my fangan OCs lol. can't wait to kill them.

as promised, treat under the cut. There will be a lotta preamble before reader actually meets up with Komaeda again, but I'm giving you a taste of the good stuff

His eyes widen when he sees you fall, and you hear your name leave his lips as he breaks into a run. 

A sob breaks loose from your throat, harsh and loud. Tears stream down your face and you cry so much that it hurts. Lungs burning as you desperately heave breath after breath between your wails.  

He drops to his knees next to you, wrapping his arms tight around your shoulders. He even smells right. 

“It’s okay.” He whispers, his voice sounding tight in his throat like he is trying not to cry, “I’m here now, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you, I’m so so sorry.”

Tears race down your cheeks, and you can’t manage a single word through your aching sobs. Instead, you circle your arms around his torso and hold him as tight as you can, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He’s here, he’s home. You have no idea where he went for so long, or why he left without saying goodbye, but right now you don’t have it in you to care. He’s alive, and he’s back. 

“I’ll get you out of here, we can go somewhere safe I promise.” He says shakily. 

Your voice hiccups, but you manage to whisper, “You’re okay…” He laughs. It isn't the same raspy giggles that you are used to, it’s softer, and he sounds relieved. He leans backward, gently holding you by the shoulders so he can look you in the eye, “I am, I’m okay.”

[no-romo-hoes]

Whether or not I would date you based on your alignment!

(Keep in mind I'm aligned with the Desolation, but I do not speak for all who worship the flame)

The Buried: Hell yes. I live for that sense of stability and comfort, and there's no one better at hugging than The Buried.

The Hunt: mmmm nah. To be honest, you wouldn't want to date me either, we'd probably just hook up once and never chat again. That, or you'd only want me if I didn't want you back, and that's always annoying.

The Eye: haha lol no. You'd either be too busy with your studies to pay attention to me, or you'd make it your personal mission to know everything there is to know about me. Both are not ideal.

The Slaughter: I wanna say no. I really, really, really wanna say no. And that's all I'll say on the matter.

The Vast: I wanna say yes, you guys are always such beautiful souls, and I can totally understand the drifting further and further away from reality, but goddamnit please listen when I'm talking. And actually pretend like you care about me as a person. please.

The Spiral: YES. Man, y'all are sexy. Not just because the Distortion is a fine piece of [REDACTED], and not just because I have a very sexy Spiral friend that looks exactly like Michael, but also because y'all are just so fun. There's never a dull moment with you. So yeah, date me please.

The Stranger: ehhhhhhh. Not really? I feel like you need to figure out what the f**k your personality is. And while you're at it, stop playing f**king show tunes in the car, I wanna listen to something else. Like, ANYTHING ELSE.

The Corruption: Well yes, but actually no. I know y'all are super loving, like, you would still love me even if I physically abused you for fun (I wouldn't but y'know), but I'm messy enough as it is. I don't need muddy footprints all over the house and mould on the bathroom mirror. Still love you though, Jane Prentiss is sexy af.

The Dark: I have no feelings for followers of the Divine Host. I don't know enough about the Dark to have an opinion. I apologise for those who align with this one, but really I have nothing to go on.

The Desolation: absolutely. but also no. I know all my flaws well, and I couldn't bear to see them in someone else. But also you have passion, you love people (however few people that is), and you fight for them. Your protectiveness is admirable, not to mention really hot (pun intended).

The Web: NO. I am way too susceptible to manipulation, especially guilt tripping, and I would gaslight myself into thinking you're perfect. But once I admit you're manipulating me, I will hate you more than I have hated anyone ever before.

The Flesh: Oh god no. Either you have so much body dysphoria it becomes your whole personality, or you're just a gym rat. I pity both of those options.

The End: Oh yes. Ohhhhhh yes. I have no idea why, but yes.

The Lonely: Nah. I need attention. You wouldn't want to hang out with me anyway.

The Extinction: Um.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Do tell about John Piper! I don’t know much about him other than that Calvinists like him.

OKAY SO. Yeah, he's like the chief of 5-Point Calvinist Theologians. Really the only reason I've read much from him is because a friend (who shall remain nameless unless she chooses otherwise) was having huge issues reading his stuff and was asking me about stuff he'd written and if I agreed with it. I'm, like, a solid 3.5 Calvinist, myself, but that doesn't help me like him honestly, lol.

For the record: Sometimes he says good and helpful things. Sometimes I agree with him. Sometimes. Not that long ago he answered a question about how much jewelry is appropriate for women to wear. Given the title, I was very prepared to be absolutely incensed by his answer, but after reading it...sometimes the dude just needs to work on his titles because I did actually agree with this answer. (Which, if you wondered, he said there's nothing wrong with wearing jewelry; the title came from the question that was asked, which was very misleading.)

All that being said, he also sometimes says really stupid things -- and I'm not talking about things I disagree with from a theological (tenets of Calvinism) prospective. After all, we can still learn a lot by listening to or reading things from people we don't agree with. Rather, sometimes he makes it very clear he does not understand that not all brains work the same way, aka being neurodivergent.

I made that meme quite a while ago in response to a question he received from someone wanting to know how to encourage their autistic Christian friend. One thing he said in response was that the person should not use Scriptures like Psalm 139: 13-16 (the infamous "fearfully and wonderfully made" verses). His reasoning? That applies to everyone, even the most terrible people in the world, like Hitler. Therefore, it is not encouraging to hear that.

So let me tell you a little story about why that advice makes me so upset:

Back when I had just figured out I'm autistic, for some reason or another the #actuallyautistic tag here on tumblr was -once again- talking a whole lot about a ten-year-old ad from Autism Speaks titled "I am Autism" and how horrendous it is (and how we should never let them forget about it when they tried to bury it, which I agree, but that's another rant about how terrible AS is and why no one should support them). Curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up on YouTube. I couldn't even process it the first time. I was so shocked. So I watched it a second time, and then promptly broke down sobbing. (A friend of mine could only stomach watching about the first 30 seconds of it before she turned it off. That should tell you everything right there.) I had never felt so dehumanized in my entire life, and you wanna know what brought me comfort after watching that? Reading Psalm 139, particularly the above verses.

The thing Piper doesn't understand is this: the rest of the world is busy telling us that we're "put together wrong" or that we're "broken" and no one is telling us that's not true. Sometimes when we're struggling it's nice to hear someone remind us that we were created exactly as God intended us to be. (Another good passage, fyi, is Moses and the burning bush, where Moses says he's not good at speaking and God's rebuttal is "is it not I who created the blind and the deaf the way they are?" Yeah. That's a piece of my pastor's sermon from two years ago that still sticks with me, thank-you-very-much.)

That is why it makes me angry. Because people will follow his advice and start not telling us something that we need to hear simply because it's not something he has ever taken comfort in so apparently he cannot fathom anyone else taking comfort in it either.

I'm sure there are probably other articles he's written or answers he's given that have also gotten my goat, but the other big thing that gets me is his recently published book where he asserts that if you don't feel affection towards God then you aren't saved.

On the one hand, I do get his point: having a head-knowledge that God is real and the Bible is true is NOT the same as having saving faith.

But I have two problems with Piper's take on this: 1. Many ND folks (not all, of course, but I am in this category) don't experience emotions or feelings the same way as every one else. Which means affection -- especially the way Piper seems to be describing in his book -- can be a bit of a foreign concept. Speaking solely for myself, I do not feel affection -- at least not in the way you are supposedly supposed to, according to Piper. Having a head-knowledge of the Bible does not equal having faith but here's a crazy ND concept that escapes Piper: sometimes head-knowledge IS affection. I don't spend time on things I don't care about. I don't do deep-dives into topics on things I don't care about. I don't spend time on things that don't bring me joy. The knowledge I have shows where my affections lie, even if I don't experience affection as a feeling, the way Piper says you have to. 2. Affection does not equal love, and love is more important here. As an example: I love my husband very much. I don't always like him (sometimes he drives me nuts, that's just life, and I know I drive him nuts too, haha), but I do always love him. Comparatively, according to Piper, if I don't always feel affection (aka "like") my husband then I must not actually love him. And this is simply not true. Affection is a feeling; love is an action. I don't have to feel any one certain way in order to still love someone -- and that includes God.

I've said it once and I'll willingly say it as many times I have to: we can't rely on our feelings for assurance of salvation because (say it with me now!):

Feelings are Fickle.

And with this book, Piper has made salvation about feelings. So even from a neurotypical perspective, this book is a bad take. But it's even worse for ND folks who simply don't experience feelings the way NTs do. People are going to read this book and start thinking, "well, there's no way I'm saved because I don't feel the RIGHT way, the CORRECT way, the way PIPER is telling me I have to." And I don't think I need to explain further why that's damaging.

And these are just my personal gripes. Other ND friends (specifically the first one I mentioned) have all kinds of troubles reading his stuff, because of terrible wording or answers that aren't thorough enough or conflicting information from what he's said in the past compared to now.

He is, at best, a sincere but incredibly insensitive writer. But it doesn't matter how sincere he is because someone can be very sincerely damaging to other believers.

And someday he's going to have to answer for that.