#so i didn't and i haven't. i'm in a place of leaving her to take lots of time out to hopefully get better

[rottingpink]

simon's girls

cw. angst, fluff? uhh you're very much so a housewife... don't want to spoil too much!

synopsis. simon riley's heart is shared by three girls.

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simon riley has a dog he's had since his twenties. now, as he enters his late thirties, his little pup is no longer a tiny, wriggling thing with too much energy and a lack of bladder control, but a gentle old girl who needs more naps and has a smaller appetite.

her name is maisie. soft and old-fashioned, just like simon loves. simon chose the name when he found her waddling around a dirty alleyway with trash stuck in her fur, searching for scraps. feeling pity for the little thing, he knelt down, held out a hand, and she barrelled to him without hesitation, like she'd been waiting her whole life for him to save her.

or maybe she'd been waiting to save him.

maisie's old now. muzzle's greyed along the edges, she runs a little slower when she's helping simon around the farm, a contrast from when she and simon were an unstoppable pair on duty in the force, taking down enemies swiftly and saving civilians in need. maisie'd trained with him. sniffing bombs, doing rescues, the works. maisie'd saved people from drowning, tugged civilians out from under rubble, found a hidden trapdoor rigged with explosives during a mission.

she'd jumped in the way between simon and a man with a sleek machete once and took a slice to her cheek, but she didn't mind at all. as long as simon was okay.

"stupid girl," he'd said, dabbing the whining pup's cheek with a warm washcloth those years ago. "shouldn't fight all m'battles for me. 's not fair you get hurt in place of me when i can handle it a lot better than you," she'd given him a playful head nudge and licked his cheek.

simon's not a sentimental man, not with most things, but when maisie's brought up in conversation, like when johnny goes, "oi LT, how's that pup of yours doin'? been a while since she's been on base," simon's voice always softens to talk about her. he scratches behind her ears much gentler than he did when she was younger, and if she's having a bad day, he'll carry her upstairs to sleep at the foot of his bed. no one, not even johnny, mocks him for it. why would they mock simon for adoring something so purely?

maisie still always perks up when simon comes home, tail slow and thumping against the floor and ears perking at the sound of the lock clicking, and she walks over to where he's entering and yips happily at her best friend. he always kneels to her, drops what he's holding to pet her cheeks. "there ya are, lil' miss. always know when i'm home. still got y'wits about you, hm?"

maisie was simon's first girl.

you were simon's second. first, a cute girl at a pub, then the girl he was dating, then his girlfriend, fiance, and finally, best of all, his wife.

his beautiful, soft, clever, precious little wife. you're the only person alive who can make him nervous and flustered. he's been trying and failing for those horrible flips in his stomach to relax whenever he's around you. worse is the raging hard-on he'll get whenever you do the most menial, everyday tasks.

and your voice. the way he'd be in the house finishing up some work before he joins you for the night, when you'd stand by the doorway of the bedroom in a sheer, tiny robe and purr, "come to bed, baby, haven't seen you all day…" oh he's going to ruin you.

you're his everything. his home, safe place. he'd give up everything if it meant you'd never get hurt a day in your life. it kills him every time he has to leave you behind, when you stand on the porch of the pretty farmhouse you share, wrapped in one of his shirts with the sleeves swallowing up your hands and you look up at him with a forlorn expression that breaks his heart.

when he tells you through a letter that he'll be coming home soon, you wait in the kitchen with the windows open in one of the little dresses he bought for you with a feast prepared for him. the hem sways around your thighs as you pace the kitchen barefoot, glancing toward the gravel drive every few seconds.

maisie's paws patter gently across the hardwood as she follows you from counter to window to front door, tail wagging slowly like she knows he's coming. when the sound of tires crunching over gravel finally comes, you freeze. maisie perks up with a quiet huff and makes her way to the door, giving a single excited bark to tell you her best friend has arrived. you wipe your shaky hands on your skirt and rush onto the porch with excitement, just in time to see him climb out of the car.

simon, despite looking tired, is ecstatic to see you. there's a shiny glint in his eyes and a soft smile he reserves for you. he's broader from months in the field, tan and scruffed with deep shadows under his eyes. regardless, they light up when he sees you.

his shoulders drop in relaxation as he rushes toward you without pause, boots thudding on the earth, gaze locked on you. he scoops you into his arms so swiftly that you're lifted off your feet. you wrap your legs around him as he kisses your lips intently, then your cheeks and neck; he can't get enough of you. it's always like this, overwhelming at first because he needs to make sure you're real. he leans back just enough to take a look at you.

"look at you, lovie. been takin' care of yourself while i was gone, haven't you? look s'beautiful."

then, as if it physically hurts him to pull away, he finally releases you and crouches by maisie, who's been waiting for her turn with simon, wagging her tail with a slow, happy rhythm. he kisses her muzzle like always, then leans his forehead against hers, whispering, "missed y' too, old girl."

sometimes simon can't believe he's made you his wife. you, the kindest, most beautiful creature on the planet, is mrs riley. he's yours, every bit of him all belongs to you.

he adores you so much it's almost sickening. he wakes up before you and just stares, fingers brushing your cheek, neck, and soft hair, pupils dilated and heart thudding in his chest just from being near you. he has the physical reactions to you that he had when he first started dating you. in fact, they might've grown stronger.

maisie's his best friend, yes, but you're his whole world. but, there's one more girl.

one left, one small, soft girl nestled in his wife's tummy, tucked safe and sound inside you. you're pregnant with his daughter.

when he found out, he didn't speak right away, you'd been sick for a few days prior to taking the pregnancy test, and he'd thought you'd just had a cold, but the morning sickness and hormonal imbalance and missed period had been enough symptoms to get you to check. besides, he'd... been filling you up a lot more recently. you'd ran out of condoms and birth control kept making you sluggish and queasy, so you'd told him it was fine. told him you'd track your cycle, and that it wouldn't happen, not if he pulled out in time. but simon had been greedy.

simon's always fucking greedy. he can't get enough of you, your taste, scent, his cock nestled in you to the hilt, your soft gasps and breathy moans. simon would nod, swear he'd be careful and that he'd pull out, but when you're wrapped around him, skin to skin and he's so close and so deep, and murmur, "mmh! inside, simon please," with your big, shiny eyes, all his restraint flies out of the window and he'd fill you to the brim with his cum.

so it wasn't really a surprise, but when the test turned positive, and you'd shown him the faint pink line, he'd stared in silence, then took it from your shaking hands with a strange expression, thumb brushing the edge of the little piece of plastic like it was something holy. then he knelt by your tummy, hands cupping you, and asked, "you're sure?"

" 'm... 'm sure si,"

your daughter started showing as a little curve at first. simon noticed quickly. he noticed everything about you, especially now. how you got sleepier during the day, how you started getting cravings, how your hands kept wandering to your belly.

he can't keep his hands off you because he's so obsessed with the way your skin's glowed more from your pregnancy, how your hips and thighs and breasts plumped up, how your belly grew swollen with his child. "morning, little miss," he'd whisper to the bump, "you treat your mum nice, yeah?" you'd hum sleepily in response, threading your fingers through his hair.

maisie's noticed your state too. she's been extremely protective over you, curling up to your side in bed.

the first time the baby kicked, simon was sitting behind you on the couch, one hand on your stomach and he felt it, a tiny push under your skin, simon just blinked and then looked down at your belly with surprise. "she's sayin' hello," he murmured hoarsely, "little bugger knows her old man's home."

when you go into labor months later, it's late into the night. your water breaks after you've been in deep discomfort the last few weeks and aching to get this baby out of you. you knew it was tonight too. you and simon had been sitting awake tensely until now.

he sits up immediately, extremely alert, and scoops you up into his arms. he's terrified, truly, but is being strong for you as he rushes you to the front door while you whine and beg for him to hold you and not let go of your hand no matter what. "i know, wifey, i know, got you. you're safe."

maisie sensed it too. before he can put you in the truck, she scrambles to the door with the two of you. her tail lashes back and forth slowly, gaze locked onto you with her head tilted. she thinks you're in pain and wants to help simon protect you. simon nods to her, wanting to make sure she understands. "easy, girlie. you watch the house. i'll bring your mama back with the new little one, i promise."

at the hospital, simon praises you all throughout your labor, hand petting your hair softly. "y'doin' so good, baby. you've got her. you're almost there. just a bit more, yeah? that's it, that's my girl." even though he believes in you, hearing you in pain is making him genuinely distressed.

when you finally get your daughter out of you later, he stiffens and squeezes into your hand, staring at the wailing little girl being transferred into your arms. simon's eyes flood with tears and he just stares in disbelief at his daughter.

she's got the tiniest fingers, already curled into fists, and this soft little tuft of hair and lungs stronger than anything he's ever heard. simon leans over the two of you, cheek pressed to your head, hand shaking as he touches his baby's back. "look at her, lovie. look at her."

he sniffles softly, wiping his eyes with the heels of his hand and leaning closer to his child, who's slowly quieting down. "hi, sweet girl," he whispers, voice hitching as he strokes her hair. "I'm your dad. I'm your bloody dad."

when they go home, maisie is waiting at the door, tail wagging slow and anxious. she sniffs the bundle in your arms once simon lowers it close to her face. "gentle, mase," you remind her softly, letting the pup nose at your daughter's tiny sock covered feet.

"that's your sister," simon tells her softly. "you're gonna help us look after her, yeah?" you smile at simon and lean into his side, while simon's eyes flit between the three of you - at his old girl, still loyal and sweet, and his wife, the loveliest thing he's ever laid eyes on, and this soft little baby in his arms who already owns his whole heart. he feels so full. warm. safe, and at peace.

maisie gets to see two whole years of that baby grow.

two years of your daughter's tiny hands petting her head and grabbing her ears, of hearing giggles when she wagged her tail, or lazy sunday mornings of you and simon cuddled up with the baby between you, and her at your feet, watching quietly.

maisie's patient. she always has been, but something changed when the baby came. maisie understood her role in your and simon's life was changing. she was meant to stay a little longer in your lives to make sure everything was as it should be. long enough to be the baby's first friend.

"do-gee!" the little one would chirp, toddling after maisie on chubby legs, arms outstretched. maisie would just thump her tail and let the baby crawl all over her. simon has so many photos of them cuddling, in the backseat of the truck with your daughter beside her mid nap, of them playing, sharing toys, and more.

maisie showed the baby the farm grounds too, told the other animals to be gentle with the new tiny human and to keep watch over her like she once did. she didn't forget about spending time with simon, even if she was preoccupied with the baby a lot of the time too. she wanted to make sure her final days were with him.

even though the old girl's hips had stiffened, and the greys on her muzzle had spread to her chest, she still went with him every morning during rounds. across the fields, past the barn, through the fence line where the cows gathered. her gait is slower, more careful, but always determined.

until one morning. the sun was just coming up, you were still asleep, your (now) two year old asleep in your arms. he was up early like usual, wanting to go check the farm like usual on the drizzling morning after having his morning tea. he whistled by the door. "c'mon, mase. let's check the fences."

she didn't come. at first, simon thought maybe she was just slow to rise. but after several minutes with no response to her name and no sight of her anywhere near the porch or in the house, he grew worried. simon jogged out to the side field outside of the cow pasture where wildflowers grew, dewy from the rain.

and there she was, curled in a patch of daisies. her head rested softly on her front paws, eyes closed, like she was just asleep. but not breathing. maisie always let out little puffs of air and quiet snores when she slept.

simon couldn't move for a moment, frozen in place. deep down, he'd known that maisie's time was coming soon, but deep down, he hadn't accepted it. he thought she'd be with him forever.

he dropped to his knees in front of her. "...mase."

...

"mase?" simon touched her side, his hand shaking so hard it barely made contact, and there was nothing.

maisie, his girl, his first girl, was gone. in the flowers, the morning light, like she'd chosen that spot on purpose. she didn't want to make it hard for him, or you, or the little one. she went outside to die in peace.

simon pressed his forehead to her and sobbed.

he buried her right under the flowers. you were there, hugging simon quietly after he laid maisie to rest. your daughter didn't really understand, but held your hand and toddled up to the mound of soil curiously. after you told her maisie wasn't going to be around anymore, she said, "do-gee sleeping?"

simon nodded, throat too tight from the need to sob. he can't muster any words right now, because if he opens his mouth, he'll break down. so you take over. you pet your daughter's hair, pointing to the grave quietly. "mhm, right under there, baby. can't wake her, okay? she's gonna nap for a long time." your daughter nods, placing a daisy at the head of the mound and holding your hand as the three of you walk back to the house.

its hard for simon to break habits. he keeps reaching for maisie's ball and her stick with the intention of calling her to play outside, and reaching his hand out to the foot of the bed when he's half asleep so maisie can headbutt his palm. though he has his baby girl and his wife, a piece of him got laid to rest when maisie passed. a piece curled up forever in that field of flowers, resting after a job more than done.maisie held on just long enough, and when she knew they were safe, really safe, she let go. the quietest of goodbyes. simon will love her for the rest of his life.

[sydwritess]

I loved how you wrote my Lewis request, thank you so much :)

I have another idea, so the reader is 28 again and they met through Max and even those two have a history Max ships them and plays matchmaker :)

Have a nice day :)

Friend of a Friend

Lewis Hamilton x fem!reader

Summary: You and Lewis have met once before, due to you being a big fan of F1, but what happens when your best friend Max wants you and Lewis to be more than friends.

Second Person POV

Notes: requests are open!

You and Max have been friends for a while. You recently got a job ad an photographer at F1. You have gotten a chance to meet all of the drivers, mostly through Max. But one had caught your eye in particular.

Lewis Hamilton.

You will admit, to yourself and yourself only, that you had a minor crush on him. That was until you found you this age. You were twenty-eight while he had turned forty a couple of months ago.

It was a twelve year age difference, and you knew Max was sure to say something about it. He was practically your younger-older brother. But what was wrong? Him and Kelly are nine years apart.

You were zoned in on your thoughts, snapping picture after picture as a couple of demo-cars went around the track. It was Monday, the Silverstone race was over but there were sill people racing, or doing drag races.

"How's the hard work going." A light voice says behind you. You turn slightly to see Lewis walking up behind you, leaning on the balcony railing just as you are.

"Good. Great. My just consider not quitting." You say.

"Why's that?" He asks, looking out at the track.

"This fucking camera. Just... isn't working." You say.

"How old is it?"

"A year. And I don't really have it to get a new one." You say quietly, looking out at the cars going by you.

"Have you asked Christian for reimbursement?"

"I'm waiting. It's kind of all... messed up now that he's leaving so..." You trail off.

He puts a hand through his hair slowly. "That's right. I forgot about that."

"Men will be men." You say. He looks towards you fully. You catch his gaze. "Not like that." You say.

"No I know what you meant. I just didn't expect someone to say it out loud." He says, smirking.

"Yeah, you know." You say. There was a silence between you. The gentle Silverstone breeze blowing by your.

"Honestly I don't even know if I'll have a job in a few months." You say aloud.

"Really?" He asks.

"The women on our team are taking a lot of shit for what happened. Especially online. It's like... one girl and her boss can't keep their hands off each other or... whatever, so now all of us are taking shit. Saying that we didn't actually get here by hard work." You say slowly.

"But you did. People didn't even know you and Max were close until after you got the job." He says.

"Yeah. But that's not what they want to hear. Especially-"

"The guys." He finishes for you.

"I had this like seventeen year old come up to me one day, give me a dirty look and say 'I bet you slept your way through here. Didn't you?' Like, aren't you supposed to be in school?" You say. Lewis laughs.

"The amount of times I have to hold myself back from punching people in the face... I'm surprised I haven't fucking exploded yet." You say.

"That's how I feel every day." He says.

"I know, I bet Ferrari's kicking your ass right now." You joke.

"Well, according to Alex, it's good for my bank account." He chuckles.

"Oh, I'm sure. But hey, if you ever need a place to store your money, come talk to me." You say. He gives you a small smile before you walk away.

You walk downstairs from the podium stage and out to the paddock.

You walk back towards the Red Bull garage when you see Max walking towards you.

"Hey Y/n." He smiles.

"Hey Max." You say. You stop in front of him, looking intot he garage.

"Howa he doing?" You ask looking at the new Red Bull leader.

"He's actually quite good. Knows his stuff." He says.

"Can he buy me a new camera?" You ask, holding yours up?

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Just... it's being slow."

"Buy another one."

"Yeah... if I had the money."

"Reimbursement?"

"What do you think? I've tried everything Max. I'm just to... poor." You day.

"I can give you the money."

"I'm not taking money from you."

"I- alright." He says, giving up on ideas. "Oh! I want you to meet someone." He says, putting a hand on your back to turn you around.

You see Lewis walking straight towards you.

"Lewis, this is my close friend Y/n. Y/n this is Lewis. A driver."

"No shit Sherlock. He wouldn't have that pads around his neck saying drivers pass if he wandt a driver." You say.

"Alright." Max says awkwardly.

"Good to meet you y/n." Lewis says politely, reaching his hand out to shake yours.

"It's so good to meet you to lewis." You say, shaking his hand. Max stands to the side of you, giving you a wierd look.

"Your never this polite." He says.

"Just... love meeting new people."

"Since when?" He asks quickly.

"Since now." You say, letting go of Lewis' hand.

"I- anyway, so since your both here... I've been figuring for a while now, that you two should hang out." He says.

"Hang out?" You say.

"What?" Lewis asks.

"Why... why is this getting weird." Max states.

"We already know each other." You say.

"For a couple of years now actually." Lewis says.

"Oh." Max says, looking down.

"Oh! He lost again! Prepared to have your day ruined." You say loudly.

"Oh, shut up." Max mutters, rolling his eyes. Lewis bites back a laugh.

"Okay but, you could still hang out." Max says.

"Like... a date?"

"Exaclty, but a friendly date." Max backs.

"No, sorry. " You say.

"Yeah, we're to good of friends to be going out."

"Oh come on! Please!" Max begs.

"No, I'm sorry."

"Please I swear it will change your life!" Max says.

You sigh, rolling your eyes. "I will go on a friendly date if you can buy me a new camera." You say.

"Deal, deal, deal." He says.

"Tnat means spending thousands of dollars-"

"I already spend it on Kelly so please." He begs.

"You spend thousands of dollars on Kelly?" You ask.

"Yeah." He says slowly.

"How- what the fuck does she buy?"

"Jewelry. And shoes. And clothes. And baby clothes." He says, his eyes widened at you.

"Doesn't she have a fucking job?" You ask. He stays silent, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

"Yes."

"Right. And-"

"Not the point. Anyway, we need date ideas."

"Woah woah woah. No explanation, no date." You say.

"Fine. I'm just making her feel like the princess that she is."

"Bitch this isn't Sofia the fucking first, is it? Once you go in debt I'm not getting you out." You say, pointing at him.

"Yeah, yeah, debt whatever. So... that date."

"That date." Lewis said.

Max hummed to himself. "How about La Table d'Elise."

"Sounds fancy." You say.

"Oh it is, top tier dinning experience." Max says.

"Is that the 'top tier dinning experience' as in spending five hundred dollars there?"

"What- how do you know?"

"That day you told me to get your I.D I saw it."

"What- okay... it was for a group dinner."

"A group as in two?"

"I-"

"It says it on the receipt."

"Okay... maybe it is expensive but." He walks over to Lewis. "He ahs money."

"Wow, that didn't just make me out to sound like a gold digger."

"No no, not like that."

"I'm up for it, if you are." Lewis says. You look him in the eyes.

"Sure, I'll go."

"Perfect!" Max jumps.

You are at home getting ready for tonight. You were finishing straightening your hair when there was a knock at the door.

You get up quickly to go answer it, you see Lewis standing there.

You step to the side of the door, letting him in. "How are you?" You ask, walking back over to the kitchen table.

"Good, how are you?" He asks, standing somewhat near you.

"Good, they didn't give you any trouble in the lobby right?" You ask.

"No, they just let me walk right up."

"Okay. They're all like... protective and shit so, you know."

"I do. Have people like that at my place."

You nod your head and unplug your straightener, putting it away before grabbing your purse and keys.

You both walk out of your apartment and down to the lobby. When you get out to his car, he opens the door for you, shutting it before getting in the driver's side himself.

He starts to drive off down the road. "I figure it would be best to tell you know that we are not going to the restaurant Max told us to go to."

"To expensive?"

"Exactly, so that receipt you found was probably discounted." he said.

"I kind of figured." You say. He starts going on his phone, pulling up the restaurants menu.

He hands his phone over to you. "Look at the first thing on there."

Your eyes widen. "Holy shit."

"Yeah." He says, smirking. "But don't worry, we're going to a better place than that."

You arrive to the restaurant in no time, getting out and walking in. You both get led to a quiet spot in the restaurant, barely anyone around you.

You look at the menu while drinking you water. "This is my type of stuff right here." You point to the menu. Lewis slightly laughs.

"These prices won't give you a heart attack?" He asks.

"No." You giggle. "Honestly I'd be happy if you took me to fucking McDonalds." You joke.

"I had that feeling." He smiled. "But tonight is supposed to be special."

"With the one and only." You smile, holding up your glass. He clink's his with yours.

Your date goes by slowly, but nice. You finished your meal and sat at the table talking for a while.

"Excuse me Ms.?" The waitress says, grabbing your attention. "I was told to give this to you, no name to it." She smiled slightly and walked away.

You look at the bag that was place in front of you with a confused look. "Is this from you?" You ask Lewis.

"No." He says.

You open it slowly, and inside was a brand new camera with a bow on it. There was a note in it to:

'From Max, have fun. P.S: look inside.'

You slowly laugh. "What a fucking bitch." You pull out the box and set it on the table. Lewis starts laughing with you.

"Look inside." You repeat from the letter. You look across the table at Lewis. "Do you mind if I open it?"

"Not at all." He smiles.

You open the box up slowly and pull the camera out. You power it on, going to the gallery. As you flip through the pictures, you smile more and more. Pictures of you and Lewis of the restaurant you were now sat in.

"What's on there?" Lewis asks curiously. You hand the camera to him and he smiles shyly.

"Oh my God. Where did he have the time to take these?" He asks.

"I have no idea." You say. He hands it back over to you, and you put it back in the bag.

You both spend a couple of more minutes in the restaurant before paid and left.

"I can't believe him." Lewis laughed, driving off from the restaurant.

"He's awful." You joke. He drives back to your apartment building. The ride was quiet, your mind focused at that moment at the restaurant. You hadn't even realized you were at your building until the car came to a sharp stop.

You and Lewis get out of the car, meeting around the front. "Thanks for tonight." You say.

"It was fun." He smiled, reaching into his back pocket. "I also have this for you."

He hands you a receipt for Monaco Print, a printing company. You look at it, something was already fully paid for.

"What is this?" You ask.

"I expect you to print some pictures out by this week." He says, pointing to the paper in your hands. "Some for me to."

"Thank you." You say, hugging him.

"Your welcome." He pulls away from you, looking at you. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I'll be sure to have your pictures in hand." You smirk.

He laughs slightly. "Take care."

"You to." You say, looking back at him once before walking inside.

©sydwritess

Hey loves! Hope you like this one! Comment to be added to the F1 tag list! Requests are open!

[idkwhylou]

𝐕𝐈. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡

Summary : Marcus is learning how to be soft—with his hands, his words, and the bruised heart of the woman he once failed.But Rome doesn’t forgive easily. At the Emperor’s grand banquet, everything unravels. One cruel comment, one stolen kiss, one brutal fight in the garden... and the fragile peace Marcus built begins to burn.

Marcus Acacius x f!reader

Words : 5,3K

Warnings : mentions of bruises, secret relationship, arrange marriage, fight/physical violence, angst, unwanted kiss, betrayal and heartbreak, mentions of trauma and healing attempts, mentions of sexual tension, no y/n

A/N : guys... it's the one.... I apologize in advance (still love you all but I love heartbreaks). I haven't even had the courage to really proofread it so I apologize if it's not as good, but I'm going to be busy and may not be able to post. I didn't want to take the risk and give it to you as soon as possible !!! Thanks for everything, you're amazing <3

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There were silences that settled like peace. And then there were silences that haunted—crawling in through the cracks of marble walls, breathing against his neck like a ghost. This was the latter. A silence that did not sleep, did not blink. A silence that followed Marcus from room to room like something owed.

He sat still in his study, the hour-long past dusk, the villa humming with distance. Somewhere in the Gardens, the olive leaves rustled softly in the summer night. But even that sound felt far away, like it belonged to another world entirely.

His world had narrowed.

To one thing.

One precious thing.

To you.

He had not meant for it to happen. The unraveling. The slow dismantling of the thick walls he had built around himself carefully mortared with discipline, duty, roman pride. But those walls had not stopped your voice from echoing inside his skull.

There had been a time—long before the Empire had pressed its weight into his spine, before duty carved lines into his face—when Lucilla had meant something to him. More than something even. She had been his anchor in youth, his mirror in ambition, the only one who seemed to understand the cold quiet that lived behind his sharpness. 

Their stories were knotted together in a way that time could not easily unravel. And though that love had curdled long ago into silence and wary civility, she had once held a sacred place in his heart. The shadow of that past made it hard, sometimes, to separate loyalty from guilt. Ghosts clung in her presence—not of romance, but of the man he had been beside her. The one who had learned, far too brutally, how even shared history could become a wound.

No blade had ever cut deeper.

He had been bred for war, for law, for strategy. Not for marriage. Not for the quiet ache of another person’s disappointment. He had told himself he could do what was expected: provide a name, a house, protection. That should have been enough. What else could be expected of a man like him ?

But you were not like the others. You did not bend the way they did. You did not flatter or flinch. You stood—even bruised, even broken—with a kind of fire that made him feel like marble: sculpted, admired… and completely hollow inside.

He had not seen you, but when he finally did, you were already halfway out of reach.

That night—the one where he did not even try—he could still feel it on his skin. Your voice shaking. The shadow in your gaze when you turned away from him, like you expected nothing. Like that was what he had taught you to expect.

It had gutted him. Quietly. Slowly. Painfully. Like water wearing down stone.

He was not sure when the change began. Perhaps it had been growing silently, like rot beneath polished wood—but the moment of clarity came sharp, unmistakable. It was when he looked at you and saw nothing of the fire he had seen in you. When he saw hesitation where there had been spark. He realized, with a bitterness he could barely breathe around, that it was him.  

Not Rome. Not the burden of duty. Him. His coldness, his silences, the way he had let Lucilla twist her claws and say things he never had the courage to unmake. Because of his inaction, you had stopped being you. And nothing terrified him more than the thought that he might have broken something delicate simply because he had not cared enough to see it changing. 

That humbled him more than any victory ever had.

He had not let himself feel in years, at least not truly. Not since the last time he had opened his heart and watched it collapse like ash in someone else’s hands. Since then, he had locked the gates, welded them shut. But you… 

You had come into his life with quiet force, and now, without even trying, you were prying him open. And for the first time since he could remember, he wanted to be opened. To try again. To see if something bruised might still be rebuilt into something good.

So, he tried. Awkwardly at first. Softly. A man relearning what gentleness could mean. A soldier teaching himself how to un-clench his fists, how to reach without commanding. You had to meet him halfway. But he knew the road was longer for you.

And even now, even as your footsteps began to linger near him—even as your voice no longer cut, but curled softly at the edges—he could feel it. Your hesitation. Your doubt. And he did not blame you.

Gods, he hated himself.

Because in the stillness of the villa, in the mornings where your hand brushed his by accident and his heart stuttered like a boy, Marcus began to realize the truth.

He wanted you.

Not out of duty. Not out of honor. But something rawer, quieter. Something shamefully human. He wanted to make you laugh. He wanted to see you safe. He wanted to be a man you could reach for without fear. He wanted your forgiveness—yes—but even more than that, he wanted your choosing.

Even if he never quite deserved it. Even if the ache of wanting might ruin him.

Men like him did not unravel in a single day, they frayed in quiet corners, strand by strand. Pride held them together for as long as it could, until the silence got too loud, or the guilt grew teeth. And Marcus had always carried both like old friends.

He had learned early: men do not flinch, they endure. His father had taught him that with silence. His tutors with correction. The Senate with its cruel, backhanded flattery. Control is nobility. Discipline is power. Emotions are weakness.

Even Lucilla had played her part in that education. With her wine-red smiles and words like honeyed daggers. She had always known how to maneuver him—not with warmth, but with calculation. Affection as performance. Intimacy as a tool. And he had let her, because he had not known there could be another way. Because love, as it had been shown to him, had always been a transaction. Sometimes, a betrayal, a war with softer weapons.

So, when he was told he would marry you—some distant noble’s daughter, innocent, pretty, a political match—he had not thought much of it. You would be another item on his list of duties. Something to handle. To own, perhaps. Not unkindly, but efficiently.

And still, he had failed you.

Not in action—no, he never raised a hand, never shouted, never humiliated you. But in distance. In silence. In being a ghost of a husband, a shadow at your side, pretending his absence was some kind of strength.

And then that night came.

What all the men he had grown up watching became—indifferent, careless, kings in their own homes and tyrants in their wives’ hearts. Men like his father. Men like the Senate. Men who called it strength, but it was cowardice—fear of feeling, fear of softness, fear of responsibility.

That night, he decided he would not become them.

And Gods, Lucilla had tried to remind him of that world. With her hands, her lips, her whispered nostalgia. She wanted him to fall back into that ease—the cold familiarity of performance. But now, when she reached for him, all he could think of was you.

Not because you had made him weaker. But because for the first time in his life, someone had made him want to be better. Not a better General. Not a better husband. A better man.

That is why he had changed. Why he softened his voice. Why he walked slower, so you would not feel rushed. Why he reached for your wrist with open hands instead of commands. Why he watched the marks on your arms fade, and still felt his chest ache like they were fresh.

You had shown him what he could become, and what he almost lost by refusing it. So yes, he was changing. Because the world he came from taught him how to lead nations. But you—you—were teaching him how to deserve a heart.

He never believed in the poetry of marriage before that. Not the way the poets sold it—two souls twined by fate, a partnership of minds, a sacred bond. To Marcus, marriage had always been a function. A tool for legacy. The Senate spun it in flowery rhetoric, but under the marble arches and laurel crowns, it was all the same: wealth consolidating itself. Bloodlines preserving power.

And he had accepted that.

He had prepared himself to carry that version of marriage like another shield. Hollow, yes—but polished. Impressive to the outside world. You perform your duties. You sire heirs. You remain composed. You do not expect closeness. You certainly do not crave it.

Then you came.

And at first, you only reinforced what he thought he knew—quiet, pretty, arranged. Another pawn placed carefully on his board. But the days unfolded strangely. You did not try to play your part. You were built for truth.

And for the first time in his life, Marcus began to wonder if marriage could be more than strategy. Could be worth something. Could even be… safe.

Safe in the way he never had as a boy. Safe in the way Lucilla never offered, not with all her beauty, not with all her clever words. With Lucilla, there had always been expectation behind touch. A consequence behind every kindness.

But with you…

There were no demands.

Even in the moments where he failed you—and he had—you still carried yourself like you had nothing to prove. Like you would survive with or without him. And somehow, that strength made him want to stay. To try. To learn.

And Gods—it terrified him.

Because now, when he thought of marriage, he did not think of marble halls and sterile duty. He thought of early mornings and your half-smile over tea. Of you curled in a chair across from him, asleep with a book still open. Of your hand brushing his, not because it had to, but because you chose to.

Now, when he thought of marriage, he thought of you. And for the first time, he was glad the Emperors had ordered something in his life. Because left to his own devices, Marcus never would have found you. And he would have lived the rest of his life mistaking obedience for devotion, possession for love, and duty for something divine.

Since that realization, sometimes, Marcus had to leave a room because your presence undid him. It was never something you said. You could be bent over a letter, sunlight warming your cheek, or sitting cross-legged in the garden, trailing fingers through thyme and rosemary and he would feel it like a crack in his armor.

Heat.

Need.

Want—low and steady in his chest like a war drum.

Not because you tried to entice. No. That was the unbearable part. You did not even seem to know. Which made it worse. You were never calculated like Lucilla. You did not perform femininity like it was a political act.

You simply existed.

And it ruined him.

He watched the way you tugged absently at your sleeves when you were nervous, how your lower lip would catch between your teeth when lost in thought. The slope of your neck when your head tipped to the side in focus. And Gods above, the way your voice could fracture when you were unsure, how one ‘Marcus’ from your mouth could scrape every last shred of discipline from his bones.

He was a man. And you were his wife.

But he kept his hands to himself even when you sat so close the air between your shoulders warmed. Even when your damp hair curled at your nape after a bath, and he had to physically stop himself from reaching for you like instinct. So, he stayed still. Except when he could not.

There were moments Marcus could command armies without flinching, and then there were moments when you passed him in the corridor and brushed his shoulder. It undid him entirely. Or when you sat beside him, and his thigh pressed lightly to yours—not enough to startle, but enough to remind. That he was here. That he was trying.

That he wanted.

Not just for flesh. Though, yes, he remembered your first night. Remembered the way you trembled slightly on top of him, the way he had to steel himself not to break. He did not want a woman who flinched from him in the dark. He wanted you awake, and whole, and willing, because you wanted him back. And until then, he would wait. Silently. Desperately. Even when his hands ached with it. Even when the tension curled so tightly in his belly it turned to pain. Even when you stood at the rim of his bath one evening: clothed, unsure, eyes flicking away.

He had not meant only the scar, not really. He just needed your touch. Even the accidental kind. He had let his hands slide around your waist and had felt you tremble when your wet clothes clung to you like silk, translucent and unguarded. He remembered the feel of your body against his. 

Your libs on his lap. The slight pressure of your thighs against his. Your gasp, something hesitant, curious and maddening, when you felt the evidence of just how much he wanted you, how badly his body had remembered that first night. That claiming, that burning need.

And yet, even in the water with you so close he could feel your heartbeat stuttering against his chest, he had not taken more. And this, because you did not offer more. You had not turned your face completely toward him. Had not asked him to kiss you. Had not reached for him like a woman wanting a man.

So, he let you go, because want without permission meant nothing for him. And Marcus Acacius had spent his entire life watching men take what was not given. He would not be one of them. Not with you. Not ever. 

Still, he remembered the shape of your body in his arms. The steam. The way your lashes had fluttered when his breath passed near your temple. He dreamed of it, some nights. Shameful, aching dreams where he woke hard and alone, his hand buried in his own hair like a man starving beside a feast he could not touch.

And in the daylight ? 

He watched you from the archways. From the book room threshold. From the edge of the garden. He never said what burned behind his eyes. But sometimes, you caught the weight of his gaze, the way his hands fidgeted when you were near. And sometimes… sometimes your breath caught too. Not quite ready. But closer.

And Gods, he would wait.

Until your gaze stayed. Until your fingers touched without fear. Until your lips parted—not with scorn, not with words, but with want. Then, and only then, would he take. And even then, only if you asked him to.

You simply existed and it ruined him. He was not prepared for how quiet his want had become, how deeply it lived in him—not a roaring fire, but a smoldering ache that followed him everywhere now. 

He wanted you. In ways he had not known he could want.

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The capital gleamed that night as Rome herself had been burnished in gold. Torches licked the night air along the Imperial Road. Every marble column wore the color of fire, and above them the stars seemed to bow in quiet reverence to the Empire’s grandest evening—the Harvest Banquet, where power met spectacle, and every breath was perfumed with ambition. 

Marcus had won iron and dust most of his life. But this… this was the kind of battle that suffocated slowly. Polished armor of a different kind. Smelled like daggers. Wine like poisoned honey.  He hated theses nights.

Being the greatest General had enabled him to escape such events on several occasions. However, since your wedding it had become more and more complicated to do so. You stood beside him like a vision conjured by a more merciful God. Draped in midnight silk, your figure carved in soft elegance, light barley daring to touch you too intimately. You were a statue come alive, but with a soul no sculptor could dream into marble.

His wife.

His undoing.

His only tether.

He offered his arm, you took it—though your fingers were cool against his skin, there was a flicker of warmth beneath. It anchored him, gave him breath.

The great doors opened, and the Empire swallowed you both. The banquet was a mosaic of Rome’s worst and finest. Senators lounging like lions, Generals in armor polished past reason, women veiled in intrigue and silk. 

Marcus remained close to you, as he always did now. The ache of having nearly lost your presence—your voice, your eyes—still sat under his ribs like a wound poorly sewn. He watched the way you moved, greeted others, let your fingers glide over goblets of pomegranate wine. You belonged here more than he ever had. 

For a moment, there was peace. Until there was not.

“Charming little thing, is not she ?” A voice said behind him—a senator, Cassius Pollentius, fat with wine and arrogance. His eyes crawled over your frame like rot on fruit. “Does she speak, or is she just decorative ?”

Marcus froze. 

Every instinct—the soldier, the man, the husband—demanded he turn and end the man right there, with words or steel. But the room was thick with listening ears: Lucilla hovered nearby, so did Geta. 

So, he did nothing. Not even a glance. Just silence.

Pollentius laughed and walked off, none the wiser to the storm that had just passed through Marcus’ body like a tremor. But when he turned back to you, he knew instantly the damage was already done. 

You were looking at him but not like before, not soft nor open. But cold and quiet. “What was that ?” You asked, low. 

“Nothing.” He replied. 

“You could have said something.”

“I could not.” He said—too fast, too flat.

Your expression did not change, “You did not even look at him.”

“I said, I could not.”

You shook your head out of disbelief, something cracked between you again: a fracture too small for anyone else to see. 

You turned away, “I need a drink.”

And with that, you slipped into the tide of Rome’s richest monsters, and were gone. Marcus remained rooted. Fists clenched. Breathing shallow. He turned then, and stepped onto the nearest balcony, the cool air biting his face, sharp and sobering. Below, the lights of the city trembled like fireflies in a jar, and far in the distance, his hills beyond the walls whispered of a life not lived. 

He gripped the stone railing until his knuckles burned. And wondered how many more things he would have to lose before he finally learns to stop speaking too late. The roman air carried no warmth in its stillness, only the quiet judgment of a thousand watchful Gods. 

But trying was not the same as undoing. Even with every soft word and careful step, he could not erase what had already been done. Regret did not rewrite bruises. And love—if that is what this fragile thing between you was becoming—did not erase the reasons you flinched.

He knew that. Felt it in the way you sometimes looked at him like a stranger. Knew it in the silence you gave him when he failed to speak up, to shield you when he should have. And Gods, you had every right to be angry. Every right to doubt him still. Because no matter how much he reached for you now, it did not unmake the times he let you stand alone.

Still—he reached. Even if it hurt. Even if it was too late. Because despite everything—the pain, the past, the silence—you had told him you would try to forgive. And that meant more than he knew how to hold. 

He had not moved since you had looked at him like he had proven your fears right, incapable of facing you again after that. Then, a shift. Soft steps. Perfumed air. 

Of course.

Lucilla moved like a memory, too familiar to be elegant, too sharp to be kind. Her bracelets chimes softly as she came to stand beside him, her expression unreadable, though the glint in her eyes spoke of pleasure hidden behind cultivated concern.

“Well,” she said, voice like spiced wine, “that was uncomfortable.”

He did not answer. 

The blonde leaned her elbows on the railing beside him, too close, always too close. “You could at least pretended to defend her. It is not very… gallant to let Gaius speak that way.”

“Cassius”, Marcus corrected, still looking out over the city. “And I do not pretend.”

Lucilla smiled, “No. You just abandon, as always.”

That stung more than it should have. He did not flinch—not yet—but she saw it, as always. “She does not seems to need saving,” she tilted her head, “Not like the last one at least.”

He turned his head slightly as his jaw locked.

“Ah,” she breathed, “There it is. Still raw, is it ?”

“Do not.” His voice was low, warning.

But Lucilla pressed forward anyway, like a dagger against flesh already bruised. “You think this one is different. You think she can be the exception ? That she will not grow to hate you—worse, betray you ? Just like Valeria did.”

That name. 

That name never passed anyone’s lips but hers. Not since the night he had buried more than just a woman. Buried softness, hopes, the idea that love did not rot with time. 

Lucilla’s voice softened mockingly, “She was fragile, remember ? Just like this one. You swore she was the light. And in the end, she dimmed you. So tell me Marcus, when did you decide to start hoping again ? When did it become safe to care ?”

He turned to face her now, slow and deliberate. “She is nothing like Valeria.”

“No,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “She is worse. Because at least Valeria did not pretend to be strong. Your little girl hides behind her silences and her tears. She will crumble just the same. I watched her do it.”

Marcus’ teeth clenched. 

The blonde’s eyes glittered. “She will not last, and you know it. But then again, maybe that is what you want. Someone to blame when you can not.”

He snapped. The heat rose, slow and then instant, like fire on oil. He gripped Lucilla’s arm, not cruelly, but firmly. And for the first time in years, she flinched. 

“You speak of things you do not understand.” Marcus growled, voice deep with control barely held. “She is not yours to dissect.”

Her lips parted in mock innocence, “Touched a nerve ?”

“I would have torn that man’s tongue out if I could. But unlike you, I do not rule with impulse. And she—” He let go of her arm, disgusted by her closeness, “—she does not need my defense to prove her strength. She deserves peace. Not you.”

Lucilla’s face cracked, and for a second she looked like something real: hurt, furious, jealous. Then, all of sudden, her mask returned. “Poor thing really. She plays at being noble. But we both know what she is, right ?” Her lips curved. “A common girl clinging to her title like a whore who is fooled herself into thinking she is a wife.”

Marcus went still. His breath left him slowly. He had heard far worse, endured worse. Let venom pass through him without a twitch. But not this. Not her. 

Not her.

Lucilla turned back to him fully, expecting silence—that cold, imperial distance he always gave. But this time, he moved. Two steps. Three. Before she could retreat, his hand caught her wrist and pushed her firmly back against the marble wall. The candlelight danced violently now, golden over her cheekbones, her breath quick with delight, not fear.

“Take it back,” Marcus said, low, dangerous. “Now.”

Lucilla’s eyes glittered with something feral. “Why ? Because it touched a truth you do not want to see ? You think you can protect her from Rome ? From me ?” She smirked.

Her hands came up—not to strike, not to block—but to hold. She caged him between her arms, her palms flat against the wall behind him, leaning forward. Then she kissed him. Hard. Sharp. A possession. Not a mistake.

Marcus froze for the briefest instant, his body reacting more from shock than anything else, before shoving her back, rough enough to make her stumble.

“What the hell are you doing ?” He spat, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

But she was not looking at him anymore, her head turned slightly and so did his. You stood in the hallway, just past the columns. Frozen. Your eyes wide. Not angry. Not yet. Just broken.

The air punched out of his lungs. “Wait—” he breathed, but you turned before the words had even left his mouth. “Wait damn it !” he growled and spun around to Lucilla.

“You really are venom.” He hissed. “You have tried to poison everything in my life. But you will never have what you want Lucilla. You never will and you will always be alone.”

Lucilla’s smirk was brittle, and for once, she had no clever words. He did not give her the chance, he was already running. Through the Banquet hall, past questioning glances and whispers. He shoved the doors open with both hands and burst into the outer garden, lungs burning. 

“Where is she ?” He muttered, scanning the hedges and paths like a man possessed. 

Then, he saw you. Your back was to him, half-shadowed by the vine-covered archway. You were stepping away from someone. Slowly, your body tense. One arm crossed over your chest. It was Titus.

Marcus’ blood went cold.

Titus moved roughly closer and his hand reached for your arm as you flinched. That was all it took for Marcus to descend like a storm, his voice a snarl as it tore from his throat. “Get away from her !”

You turned just in time to see him—eyes wild, fists already clenched.

Titus stepped in front of you. “You do not tell me what to do, General. She is not your possession.”

“No. She is my wife.”

They collided with a sickening crack, marble met flesh. Titus barely had time to raise a hand before Marcus’ shoulder slammed into his ribs, knocking him backward into the low wall. You cried out, but the sound was drowned by the scuffle—elbow, fists, grunts like beasts. 

“Marcus, stop !” you screamed, pushing toward them. 

He did not hear you. Not through the red. Titus swung back hard, blood burst from Marcus’ nose. The pain sharpened him, anchored him deeper into rage. He roared, grabbed the front of Titus’ tunic; and drove his head into the wall again. 

“STOP !” You begged, throwing yourself forward. “Please, you are going to kill each other !”

They did not stop. Until blood sprayed across he path, and your scream broke the night like thunder. You threw yourself between them, hands splayed, dress torn at the hem, breath coming in sobs. 

Marcus froze. Just inches away, panting, his knuckles torn open. Titus was bleeding too-jaw split, one eye darkening already. “Are you mad ?” You sobbed, spinning to face Marcus. “What are you trying to prove ?!”

He opened his mouth, but all that came was your name. He took a breath, “She kissed me. I did not—”

“I saw it !” You spat, tears spilling hot and fast. “And you just stood there ! You stood there and let it happen !”

“No. I—”

“I do not care !” You chocked. 

Silence. 

You looked at Titus—bruised and barely standing—and back at Marcus, who looked like something hollowed out and furious. Both men stared at you like you were the one they wanted to win. But you were tired of being won.

Titus, bloodied and bitter, wiped his mouth and laughed, low and humorless. “I tried to warn you.”

Your head snapped toward him. “Shut up !” You hissed. 

He looked almost surprised. “You think he will ever love you the way you deserve ? You think a man like that can be everything but what he is ?”

“I said, shut up Titus.”

But he did not, he took a step toward you, raw, angry and bleeding pride burning in his eyes. “You have been nothing but a dream to him. And you still think you are the one who will fix him ? You are just another whor—”

Your fist connected with his cheekbone before you even realized what you were doing. The sound was sharp. Titus staggered back, stunned—blinking at you like he had seen something holy break.

“I am not his,” you whispered, trembling. “And I will never be yours.” Your hand burned unpleasantly as you shook it slightly.

Marcus did not speak. He just stared at you, wide-eyed, chest rising and falling—as if seeing you for the first time.

You looked at them both, your voice raw, “You are both fools. But I expected better from you.” You said to Marcus, and something in your voice broke his spine.

“I want to go home.” You added, sniffing loudly, letting the tears flood down your face. “My real home. With my mother. Somewhere this madness does not exist.”

Marcus reached a hand forward. “Please, just wait—”

“No,” you breathed. “I am done being stupid.”

⋆.⋆༺���༻⋆.⋆

The city was still asleep when you left.

No servants stirred. No horses neighed. No clatter of bronze or whisper of silk. Only your soft steps echoed down the marbled hallways: a small satchel slung over your shoulder, a cloak wrapped tightly around your frame. You did not take much. You did not need much. Just distance.

Behind you, the villa loomed silent and heavy, as though holding its breath.

You did not look back.

The gates creaked open with a groan, and for a moment you hesitated—not for him, not even for Rome—but for yourself. The version of you who had hoped. Who had tried. That girl had bruises on her wrists, and dreams clutched too close to a man carved of war and silence.

She stayed behind.

Above, on the villa’s high balcony, Marcus stood like a statue cut from shadow. He had not slept. He had not even tried to be honest. His fingers were braced against the marble balustrade, white-knuckled, unmoving. Below, in the dim violet light of morning, he saw the slim shape of you as you crossed the threshold of the estate—your cloak catching briefly in the wind before disappearing into the gray.

He did not call out. What right did he have ? The wind touched his cheek like a slap. He did not flinch. Just stared, jaw clenched tight, as if the weight of his own silence might crush him from within.

She is leaving, his mind echoed. You were really leaving.

And it was no battlefield, no senate floor, no whispered threat from an enemy.

It was worse.

The city awoke just after, but the villa did not. And on the balcony, Marcus remained alone—the sky bleeding gold behind him, and Rome, for once, silent.

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[ittybittysandwhiches]

reading back my first post, i didn't really clarify how i feel specifically, so i try to do that a little bit more here.

this part is going more in depth on what i think as a white person, we (white people) need to be doing to stop perpetuating racism within our own spaces. it's more centered on white people and i wrote it that way because of this specific situation. **even though im talking about white feelings, white people should not be centered when we're talking about racism as a whole.** it's something i haven't seen discussed very much in this whole scandal but i do think it's an important part of it:

i think if ive gotten anything from this whole situation, it's a better look on how we need to look at white people's place in racism (and im saying this as a white guy). demanding accountability and still flaming people after getting it is pushing the white fragility narrative even if it's unintentional. like i was saying at the end of my first post, we have to be careful from both ends because racism is so cyclical.

like obviously no poc needs coddle white people with racist pasts or who are currently racist, and unless they feel completely safe and genuinely want to, they shouldn't.

this might be a controversial take, but as a white guy who grew up surrounded by racism in the deep south, i'm willing to sit there and coddle my fellow white people if it makes it easier for us to take accountability and start to educate ourselves and others. racism isn't about white feelings, but when white feelings are hurt, it can get it in someone's head that it's about their whiteness or them personally, and they double down on racism as if that's not what started the whole thing in the first place.

racism isn't gonna be ended and my generation, but i think that if im able to extend empathy and understanding even to people who maybe don't deserve it, it could be a step in the right direction. i would never intentionally make whiteness or white fragility the center of the conversation about racism as a whole, but i think if we want to stop the cycle, it's going to be important to accept change, education, and growth from white people. for me, this is about breaking a cycle, and i doubt it's going to be the raging magas or the white centrists who take the first step back. it will never be on poc to do this part, and poc will never owe white people anything, but white people do owe each other understanding and space to change. this goes back to the conversation about how all white people are guilty on some level.

so like, with this situation, for me and the way i try to navigate racism and do my part to be as anti-racist as possible, im willing to say "what you did was a horrible thing. you can't fix the damage but you better try your damn best. it's not on you individually that you fell into the indoctrination of racism, but now you need to understand the harm you caused and make sure you never, ever let that leave you."

hayden said something about trump supporters once along the lines of "i hope one day you realize it and the guilt eats you alive for the rest of your life," and from my perspective i can see that applying to how she feels about her racist past based on everything she's done advocacy wise. she's made it seem like she feels guilty, and i hope she genuinely does. as long as she doesn't throw that guilt away as soon as everyone forgets, (and they will, it's the internet), i will be able to see her growth.

as white people, it isn't our place to forgive, but it is our place to extend a level of understanding.

if we aren't able to accept someone else stepping forward and addressing their guilt, we won't be able to accept the same thing within ourselves.

the thing with the ethel cain apology

i'm a long time ethel fan and i wanted to talk about it. lmk if i said anything wrong or offensive, i know im not as knowledgeable on this stuff as i maybe should be to really dig into it, and i really don't want to hurt anyone or make the situation worse. i just wanted to share my opinions so yah.

also sorry in advance, my paragraphs are huge. i have a summary at the end if you don't care about explanations.

so many people are reading her statement and seeing it as her trying to excuse everything that happened and not seeing it as a defensive apology. the way i'm seeing it, STAY WITH ME she owned up to everything, she apologized for everything, she said what she did was horrible and she completely understands anyone who will not support her or her art anymore. the thing is, because all of this is coming up in a smear campaign and is very, very transphobic, (im not fighting about the transphobia or the fact its a smear campaign, it's completely uncalled for and i stand by that) her being defensive was probably a good move for her personal safety and for her mental headspace, but probably not for her public perception just because of how it is being received.

i'll explain more on why, but i really do think almost separating herself and explaining the larger harm was a good move, even if was for transphobia and not what im talking about. she's continued to be an advocate since the incident and it really hasn't changed how she operates herself and her accounts because, as it's been said, this was like ten years ago and she's done her very best to change and leave it in the past as to not hurt more people, and i honestly see that a sign that she really has changed. it's not my place to forgive her for anything, but i genuinely do think that holding onto it isn't going to do any good. she has addressed racism in the past and she has admitted that she's not guilt free and the way she conducts herself doesn't show she's racist or holds onto any racist beliefs she held onto from a few years ago, and--how i see it, at least--this is shown through her fan base being a lot of poc and marginalized groups. part of her taking accountability and trying to remedy some of the harm was creating a safe space and i think she was very successful in that. if anything, more harm is being done to black fans, hispanic fans, etc., by dragging this up. genuine fans who have been around for literally any time at all have seen her talk about her past racism and *should* know. it makes sense to not feel safe in her spaces anymore and i understand if that is a deal breaker, but i don't think those people are looking for accountability or change. if it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker and you block her and leave it alone. attacking her when it's clear she has been genuinely trying to remedy it for the last few years isn't doing anything in terms of making what was said hurt less and is ultimately only worsening the transphobia that's happening to her and spreading more of the racist statements around. it's good for no one.

to dig more into her past racism, i think a lot of people are seeing what she said about having an era where she was trying to be woke in high school, and then ultimately just straight up deciding to be racist, as a failure on her IT IS STAY WITH ME because they maybe aren't deep into politics and don't understand how that works on a large scale. (obviously it's also on her and it definitely was a conscious decision to hurt people, and she admitted to that and apologized, but i think it's important to understand why she was being hurtful.)

this gets into what i was talking about with the whole "separating herself and explaining the larger harm was a good move." it's a very real thing for people (white people) to become very right wing or very conservative because of feeling "othered" by the left when they have past mistakes like that. ***and that's not at all to say this compares to what poc face in terms of feeling othered and facing racism. im simply trying to point out a thing that happens. white people do NOT face systemic racism, and i know that. i promise what im saying is a real thing and im trying to explain why this happens, not at all trying to say its okay for white people to "turn racist" or say this phenomenon can be blamed on poc. it's rooted in racism and another bad thing racism does.***

it's very easy for white leftists to hear "all white people are racist," "all white people have racial bias," etc., and decide that it's a personal attack against them and not a statement on how racism and prejudice works in america as a whole. while it's certainly not up to par with the things poc hear and see and they racism and prejudice they face, it does happen and it can be hurtful to people who are trying to change and be better but are feeling like it doesn't matter if they do. it's not an excuse and it doesn't make it better, but it is a phenomenon that i think is important to recognize and hopefully remedy. i'm not too well versed in racial theory and such, but from my understanding, it starts because racism makes poc feel othered and as a result they try to separate themselves, and then in return have a sort of "prejudice" or "racial bias" (i can't think of a better way to phrase that, what they're feeling is in no way comparable to the prejudice and racial bias against them) against white people that makes them in turn feel othered, and it sort of snowballs and makes the problem worse. it's a problem that needs to be fixed on a societal level and whatever hayden does won't change it. she fed into it in the past, addressed it now, apologized, and did what she could in terms of accountability on the internet (but that's a whole different topic i could go into). the important thing is that now, she doesn't repeat the past mistake and let herself get hurt by this and go back to intentionally hurting people because she herself feels hurt. so far, (though it's been less than a week so we don't really know yet), she hasn't, and i think it's definitely a step in the right direction and shows her growth. personally, i'm going innocent until proven guilty on this one. if she backslides, it will prove she never truly changed her mindset, but until then, i will still see her as i saw her before. she's built her current platform on advocacy, and i respect her for that. she's addressed past racism before on her own terms, and i respect her for that as well.

i really do think most of the *current* situation comes down to "when people feel hurt, they hurt other people." from here, the only way to end that cycle and to sit back and say "what you did was wrong," and then leave it alone. if we're genuinely looking for accountability, done. if what she's done isn't enough, it was never about accountability in the first place and the cycle will continue with feeling hurt by what she did and hurting her right back. the only real reason i can see anyone not seeing the apology and the way she's handled herself for the past few years as accountability, is if they read her letter and saw the defensiveness and thought she was being dismissive rather than scared. in that situation, it's a matter of literacy and context and nuance they're missing and probably won't find, and it's whatever, i'm not here to judge how anyone's reacting to this or looking at it. but as for me, looking at her art, you need all of those things (literacy, context, nuance) so i don't really think they would ever genuinely like hayden as a person or the ethel cain persona anyway if they aren't willing to look from a broader perspective and try to understand. it's understandable though and i get it if they don't want to do that because of the situation. a lot of the responses to the other stuff (ex. the shirt, the drawing) had me being like "did we listen to the same albums???" so idk. but i do want to clarify before i move on that i don't think forgiving her makes anyone "more correct" or "smarter" and this is not supposed to be putting any one side up on a high horse, just in case it came off that way.

in the end, it'll probably just means she has a smaller platform, so like whatever idc i've been here since it was small anyway. she's definitely not for everyone and getting that big that fast was for sure leading up to all this.

but anyway, to summarize my take on the whole situation: what she did was bad, she took accountability and we've seen her trying to fix it for years. i think she handled it well as a person, maybe not as a public persona, but imo ethel got too big too fast anyway. dragging up this kind of stuff *on people who have proved time and time again that they want to be a good person and who use their platforms for advocacy* will only ever hurt more people, especially when it's stuff that's been brought up and apologized for in the past (it hasn't been in this much detail but whatev). racism is a really complicated issue to handle because of its cyclical nature, so the way it's handled **from both sides of this argument** needs to be very intentional. the way it's being handled now, **from both sides,** is not intentional and i really, truly, do believe it's making it worse.

if you wanted accountability, you got it. if it's not enough, block her, leave the fandom, and move on before you get yourself or anyone else more hurt.

[wild-at-mind]

CN- discussion of self harm

I'm getting blanked by the guy I fell out with who runs the LGBTQ meetup group. So that's fun. :( It's probably better than my other worry which is that he would act like nothing is wrong and he didn't do anything, just coming up and talking like nothing happened. I'm actually not sure what I wanted to happen. But definitely not that. I guess the blanking is much better than that but it fucking sucks.

I keep having to explain the whole situation to people because I know how it sounds if you just say 'he sent me a message explicitely blaming me for our mutual friend wanting to self harm after I sent her a critical email'. People of course go right to 'what on earth was in that email?'. Well, it was criticism of the way she ran the LGBTQ group (she was co-runner until fairly recently). It was specifically after she had emailed me to say she had walked back a decision she had already made to ban this fucking transmisogynist woman from the group. We had been going over the same points for weeks, and she (mutual friend who runs the group) just kept defaulting to saying we can't do anything because there's not enough evidence/x didn't report the problem in the exact perfect way. Meanwhile there's an entire whisper network of trans women warning new trans woman members not to meet up with transmisogynist woman, whose MO is to keep the TERF shit quite in the group but arrange to meet trans women from group one on one and 'debate' them. We now have many accounts of this happening. People have now stopped bothering to report because nothing gets fucking done. I would be fucking ASHAMED if that was happening in a group I ran. Mutual friend should have stepped down from running the group a long time ago- she was having a bad time mental health wise and it meant she was taking all criticism of the group extremely personally. I had weeks of trying to do constructive feedback with her and it was horrible every time. I persevered though because now I was really worried we were going to end up with a situation where no one could criticise the group at all in case of upsetting her. And eventually that's what happened of course- my email where I was fucking angry that they had once again decided that TERF woman can stay hit her wrong and she had a mental health episode, during which guy who runs the group had to talk her down from self harming.

Of course I emphathise with this and never want anyone to go through that. I am really sorry she was in such a bad place because of my email and I am glad she is stepping down for her mental health. The problem is with guy who runs the group, who I guess she reached out to while tempted to self harm. Because he apparently is a brand new 40 year old human being who has never dealt with mental health crises in others before (would that we could all be so fortunate), he assumed that if my email triggered our friend really badly, the email itself and therefore me who wrote it must be at fault for our friend's condition. She had been very unwell for months, maybe years, but no it was my fucking fault. In my own mental health struggles I've been triggered by all sorts of things that I recognise were not anybody's fault, and had massive out of proportion reactions to things that should have been fine to say to me. I don't blame anyone else for my shit, and I would hope that no one around me would either.

Being suddenly hit with the news that he considered me to blame for my friend's condition, by PM on a normal night a few weeks ago, really messed with my head. I was so shocked that I admit I grovelled a little to him. He was magnanimous. We talked about the group's future. I had no reason to believe he was angry at me at this point. I was in a bad place myself after this and went on to talk to a lot of people that evening, trying to sense check what had happened. Everyone I spoke thought him telling me that was wrong, and one person read the email that supposedly triggered this and said it was fine.

Then I slept on it, and the next morning I was angry with him. I messaged him and said it was wrong to tell me I was the cause of my friend having to be talked down from self harming, because treating self harm as though there is one direct cause that leads to it happening is damaging and manipulative, especially when the supposed cause is a person's actions. I never heard back, and we haven't spoken since. So that, weirdly, is what I think is the cause of him cutting me out. Because I dared criticise his behaviour. It can't be his perception of my actions towards our friend, because like I said, we were fine when I was still grovelling.

It's weird because while he is autistic, he always made a big thing about how he wanted to improve his social interaction, claiming he often asked people for feedback on how he was doing. I never actually heard him do this though, and we were at a lot of social events together, so I would have known if he had. Arguably it's not other people's responsibility to help him out, but if he had ever asked me I think I would have done so. I guess I saw giving him feedback on this interaction in a similar way. Perhaps naively, I had assumed because he puts it out there that he asks for feedback, he is ok with that feedback being potentially negative, and not wanting it sugar coated as that's not how you improve. But now I'm thinking maybe he considers himself as a finished product these days, who needed help with social interaction when he was younger but not any more. I literally ended up googling 'is it ok to blame someone else for someone self harming' because my head was everywhere with this. If he had done this too maybe he would have realised because every single answer you'll find is 'no it's not ok, don't do it'.

I hadn't seen him since that happened a few weeks ago but we were both at the same community event for the eco stuff round here. He blanked me every time we happened to walk past each other. I ended up crying to a few different people, not because I'm sad to lose his friendship (I am, but am coming to terms with it), but because of what it represents for me and the LGBTQ community here. He runs all the events, and will always be at them. I could barely go to a town event that we both happened to be at without breaking down, so obviously I cannot go to the small meetup events where he will be. During the group feedback talks I had with our mutual friend, I told her many times I wanted to take some of the responsbility from her, that I cared, that I wanted to help as I could see she was struggling...she wouldn't relinquish a single responsibility and rejected every offer of help. Now she's stepped down, the guy has been joined by 3 new people to help run things and none of them are me. I don't want to do this role any more after everything that's happened of course, but I can't help but interpret it all as a rejection of my help, my usefulness, my place in the community. I think that's why I feel so bereft, so shunned. I worked so hard to socialise more and make local LGBTQ friends and connections after years of isolating myself, and I had been really getting there. Now that has all gone. I feel like I have lost something huge. :'(

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt. Field trip.

Some people would call gothamites petty, but given that most of the USA population treated them as scum, they believed that their behavior was justified.

They didn't like tourists, to put it mildly. Therefore, after learning that in their city were people on a field trip from Amity Park who could not leave Gotham for several days due to weekly escape from Arkham, the news channel immediately decided that a short interview from the guests would definitely amuse the locals. The reaction of outsiders never ceases to be ridiculous.

Reporter: ~Good afternoon~ Gotham News! May I ask you to share what you liked most about our wonderful city?

Mr. Lancer*still in a cold sweat and looks at every passerby as a potential villain*: Uh, no, me..It's so unexpected. Well, first of all, people here are very…

Danny *is high after the tasting samples Dr. Crane gave him for free and is extremely eager to share his happiness with others*,* picks a microphone*.

Danny: Gotham is the best city in the world! Like seriously, damn, I'd like to die here. Although there are constant shootings somewhere, half the time people don't even shoot at me! I haven't been this relaxed since middle school! And in the evenings, there is often such a pleasant scent of fear and despair on the streets. This fear toxin of yours is a real miracle! It's sooo good!

Sam *decides to take the initiative in her own hands before Fenton says too much*: Personally, I am very pleased with the number of green spaces you have in your city. It's nice to see that here eco-activists are really being listened to. Also, the fact that most restaurants have a thoughtful menu for vegetarians left a very pleasant impression.

Dash in his favorite T-shirt "it's not gay if he's dead": Four words. Hips of Red Hood. The fact that it is not marked in the guidebook as the main attraction of the Crime Alley is a real crime. This dude clearly never skips leg days. My respect.

Tucker: What can I say? The speed of internet here, even during villains attacks, is absolutely  unbelievable. I don't want to leave this place.

Jazz: I love Gotham! Finally, I was able to buy all the works published by Dr. Harleen Quinzel. *girl picks up an impressive stack of books* For some reason, they are not available online.

The camera points at a red-haired guy with a twitching eye.

Wes: I'm 85% sure Bruce Wayne is Batman. I have a proof and I am ready to provide it.

A girl with a "Good Guess" pin from Riddler enters and takes camera away from conspiracy theorist.

Star: Sorry, he slipped out at night and went to look for problems. Again. Don't pay any attention to him. He's always like this when he drinks more than two energy drinks in a row.

[dawnwriterimagines]

The Guilty Plea

SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY x FEM!READER TASK FORCE 141 x FEM!READER

Traitors Among Us (Part 1) and Innocents Among You (Part 2)

Verdict Due (Part 4) Clear Skies (Part 5)

Summary: As you're discharged from the infirmary, under watchful eye, you head to Laswell to talk on the rest of your now ruined military career. Of course, you're forced to confront your team as it happens, the last people on earth you'd like to see.

If you liked this would you Buy me a Coffee?

---

Running your fingers along the raised, pink scar across you cheek, the feeling of it...it really looked terrible. A part of you thought it would disappear, hoped it would, but it didn't. It just became severely more noticeable. Looking at this, you knew you'd always have to think of it. You'd sport this reminder for the rest of your life.

Looking away from it, you find your own tired eyes in the mirror, you haven't been sleeping well. Or at all. You can't remember the last time you got 4 hours, let alone 8. Dark circles still surrounded them but at least the bruising and the swelling had gone down.

You couldn't recognize yourself. Not really.

This woman looked so exhausted, so frail and so goddamn angry. It was accurate, it was how you felt. All of it. So, you supposed that the mirror's reflection was the truth, this was you indeed.

"If you need another day or two, no one will ask questions."

You glance over towards your psychologist, your fucking therapist, a nice little 'gift' sent over by the bureau to check in on your mental state after your ordeal. Glaring at him through the reflection of your mirror, he sighs, putting down his pen that slaps against his notepad, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"I'm going to Laswell." Ignoring his statement, you speak. "I'm ready. I'll pack up. Get back to base. Vera had me discharged from the infirmary. I can start ov--"

"Vera?"

"My nurse. You met her," you continued, annoyance spiking at the interruption. Your wrist brace squeaking quietly under the pressure of your fist tightening beneath the table.

"Right..."

"Do you listen to a word I say outside of...my 'trauma'?" You wonder, bluntly.

Your psychologist blinks, surprised, before clearing his throat, appalled. "If you feel I can be more attentive to your state of well-being throughout our process, than by all means--"

"Oh, so 'no'?" you lean back into your seat, a strained laugh leaving you. His lips press together and you continue before he can find the words. "Because whenever I mention leaving this fucking team, you either adjust our schedule for another two weeks or suggest hypnotic therapy, as if I need anyone else digging around to fuck up my mental state."

"I never meant to imply--"

"Oh, you implied it," you interrupted, gritting your teeth. "I know what I want. And I want off Task Force 141."

He taps at the leather of his notebook. "Scars heal, just remember that, Ms. (L/n). The reminders of your experience shouldn't have to haunt you."

"It's not the scars, I've had my share way before this," you admitted, rising to your feet. You exhale deeply that tells to the effort of it, the steel gear hinges along your leg braces shift with your change of position. Still getting use to them. "It's the person."

"Has she changed, you think?" the psychologist begins to write, getting somewhere.

"She doesn't exist anymore."

Finally, placing the mirror down and onto the side table, you pushed off of the table, rolling your IV pole along with you. Passing the chair your psychologist sits on, he closes his notebook with a frustrated huff, looking over his shoulder. "Session over for you already, Ms. (L/n)?" he sighs. "We've still got the hour."

"I'm done," you take the knob in your hand. Turning.

In more ways than one.

"You understand that, informing your captain on your leave is required of you. Have you spoken to any of them, in the last few weeks?" he spoke up, quickly. "I'm sure giving them a space to open up, share from their view--"

"Why should I care--"

"--will give you better understanding, better clarity of the situation they were in--

Appalled. "What the fuck?" Jamming the door closed with a loud, shuttering thud, you whip around. "IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM!" you could just rip your hair out. "Who--who says that to someone?!"

Your psychologist sits there, eyes wide in confusion. "What--"

"Christ, can you hear me? Can you--can you see me? I've got metal plates in my spine, braces holding my knees in place and nerve damage that'll never heal! Who gives a fuck about them!" your skin feels red hot, your face twisted in rage. "I gave my life! My life to this! And then I'm tortured, I'm threatened, drugged and beaten by my own team, my f--my family for eight fucking years..."

You continue with a heavy chest. "And I'm supposed to invite them for dinner to talk and listen them bitch and moan about why they thought it was necessary to beat me to death for two weeks?! Fuck you!" you spat. "I don't owe them anything!"

"That's not what I was trying to say, Ms. (L/N). I apologize, I overstepped. Come sit down--"

"Of course you meant it," you interrupted, mock humor. "Don't be a pussy, own up to it. Revel in your truth. Be tter yet--" you snatch a journal from the cabinet. Tossing it his way. "Make a note of it."

Turning the knob, you leave the room with a slam of the metal door.

---

You were officially famous. On the base, you were now a legend.

A story that would be mentioned and told at lunch for months. Probably years.

First, you were a rat. Next, you were innocent. This was the most gossip any of those in service had ever seen in their years of service.

An interesting reminder to those in service that you weren't safe off duty either.

You learned a few days ago that there was an update put into the interrogational unit, something about how to properly go about dissecting evidence and being on the lookout for enemy spies in the militia.

You guessed you had been told about it in an effort to be appeased by the thought that the head of control paid attention to anything beyond their own noses for once. But, you had little to no faith in a system that's nearly killed you on and off the field by now, so it didn't matter.

You doubted the new rules would be followed though, there was a plethora of things they'd done to you in that cell that were both illegal and unsanctioned. Most of all, that were expected towards an enemy, a prisoner of war at best, and not a fellow marine.

You arrive at the housing quarters, swiping your key card, pulling the handle and entering the wing. Immediately, you're greeted by a dozen eyes, conversations stopping short and clothes ruffling to silence, suddenly whispers fill the space and eyes turn away.

"Oh, god, it's her..." says one man in the far corner.

"Shut the fuck up, man!" came a harsh whisper back.

"I didn't know it was that bad..."

All those eyes on you, makes you pause in your step, looking around at all of your fellow soldiers, the men and women you've served with for years. Many you recognized, ate with, fought beside that turned their backs to you now. Out of respect? Out of distaste, morale, nerves, pity, it all didn't matter. It all felt the same.

The wheels attached to your IV pole suddenly sounded much too loud on the polished flooring, as you walked down the hall as fast as you were able to.

Breathing out deeply, you get to an elevator, pushing on the button, once, twice, three times, just open goddamn it.

With a ding, the metal doors open, and suddenly you're aware that people could be in the elevator, they could be in this elevator, he could be in this elevator. Your eyes flicker down to the floor, your grip on the pole of your iv tightens, your shoulders stiffen, waiting for a blow that will never come.

You stand there as the doors open up, the small space empty, the metal walls reflect only her and a streak of lighting from the ceiling.

Looking up slowly, finally taking a breath, before sliding the iv up and onto the elevator, following it as you press your floor number along the way.

The ride up is fast, a little rumble as it stops, and then the doors open. Faster than you were prepared for.

Peeking out down the hallway, luckily no one to bump into, which you were thankful for. But, it didn't make this hall any less haunting. You'd been cornered in this same hall, you could recall being hauled out of the room after the solid handle of a knife hits your temple.

You don't go down fast enough, whipping around as you stumble to take the wrist of your attacker, mostly for balance, it's Price. In shock, you're unprepared as Johnny's arm encircle your neck, locking you into position as you both stumble backwards onto the floor. He blocks your airways, hushing you harshly as you struggle, feet kicking out and your vision blurring as your team surrounds you. Your family.

That was quite the headache to wakeup with afterwards.

You hadn't quite remembered until now. Being back served as a hell of a kickstart to your memory.

Just a few more reasons to get the fuck off of 141.

Getting off the elevators, the metal doors sliding closed behind you, you make your way down the hall. The polished flooring creates a subtle squeak through the wheels of your iv pole, your hand absently running over the fading stitches along your side.

Passing the shadows of your tortured memory, the doorway of the office was closed, locked.

You pass Kyle's room.

Johnny's.

Finally, you rush up to the next room on the left, grabbing the handle, before beginning to twist, but then you're yanking your hand back as if the metal had burned you. Your back ramming into the back wall, catching yourself, this wasn't your room.

It was Simon's.

You'd spent hours, days, in that room. More than your own.

Why wouldn't you? You were about to get married to the man. You had more in this room than you had in yours.

Sharp breaths leave you, shivering in your effort to keep yourself together, your head goes back into the wall, swallowing down the ache in your chest.

You wait, muscles tensed and your body pressing back into the wall, hoping it'd absorb you if that door opens. Listening for every sound, any pin drop, even an exhale from beyond that doorway. Luckily, Simon seemed to be out for the day.

Hurriedly, nearly running, you steady yourself against the wall as you rush down to the corner of the hallway, finally finding your room.

Turning the handle, it's not locked, it's broken. It opens with ease.

Entering the room slowly, pushing the doorway aside, the crackle of glass beneath your boots as you step forwards, clothes and picture frames laying scattered.

The mattress flipped and ripped open, springs and cotton cut from it. Your wall of metals and certificates, from acts of bravery and mementos of valor, discarded, later you'd find them in the trash, one with a bullet lodged into the gold.

Sniffling as you leaned down, picking a specific frame off the ground, the only one that hadn't been broken. Laying along the ruined rug, with no care for the glass digging through your jeans, you stare at the still shot of your family.

The only family you had outside of Task Force 141, your father and his sister, military brats themselves, until their retirement. Your mother had passed, or just up and left, days after your 5th birthday, you weren't completely sure, the story kept changing every year. But, these two were the only family you've ever known, ever had, until you joined the military, following in their footsteps.

They'd been so proud when you arrived back after your first assignment, in truth you were heavily traumatized, but seeing them, you just had to smile. Having a family that understood the harsh toll on the line of a trooper, now a lieutenant, it was always easier to bring your troubles to them. But, they were also military nuts so "suck it up" was also a quick go to answer from your aunt, while your father was the smoother talker.

They had met Simon, loved him, his rank, his love for you, his seriousness. They trusted him completely with your heart.

So, when he called them, after the evidence leaked...

They believed him.

"What're you talking about?" You took the handle of the chair in your grip, easing you down into it as your legs do weak at what you were hearing. "I didn't...I didn't do it, Dad."

"Do you know how humiliating and disappointing--how it felt to hear him say that to me, hm?" he says, static crackles on the reciever. "My daughter...my own flesh and blood...working with terrorists--"

"I'm not working with anyone! Are you-" you huff out a breath of disbelief. "Are you even listening to me? I've never betrayed the code. How can you think that way of me?"

For a moment, he's silent. "Alright, then," he began. "Than, what'd you do? huh?"

"What--what..."

"Oh, come on, (Y/n)!" your father yells. "What did you do?! What could they possibly have had on you that made you the most likely target? You had to have had done something, been somewhere, were with somebody you weren't supposed to be with! They didn't just get that information from anywhere."

"What the fuck--" Your expression twists with frustration and misery, running your hand through your hair, pulling at it. "I've sacrificed every part of myself for this job, for this team, what do I have to gain from throwing that all away? They send me everywhere, places you've never heard of, places you'll never hear about and people you'll never have to meet, because of me! Why would you just believe Simon? Why couldn't you just wait to talk to me?!"

Hearing your father scoff at your words was painful. "What reason do I have not to believe him? He knows you, maybe even better than any of us. Besides, he was going to be my son in law--"

"I'm your daughter! Fuck Simon, what about me? You'd believe him instead?"

He sighs. "Listen, you're upsetting Cass. We didn't expect your call. I gotta make this brief..."

"You're upset?" pulling at your hair, sucking in sharply. "I'm the one who's permanently fucking altered here. What do either of you have to be upset about?!"

"Watch your fucking mouth!" he seethes. The anger in his voice isn't new, but the way he spits it at you is. "You did this to yourself, I didn't. Maybe that's what your nightmares were about, am I right? Your guilt?"

Wiping the streaks of tears that had fallen down your face, lips quivering and chest aching with sobs you frustratedly shoved down. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I don't deserve the disgrace that will come with you as my kin, I've lived my part of this war. No daughter of mine should even be in this fucking position," your father spat, disgusted into the receiver. Suddenly, he was the cruel, bitter old man your mother had always known him to be, you wished she had stayed to at least remind you of that. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt as much. "You should be ashamed of yourself, but at least you got yourself out it. The least you could do for us."

"Well--what does that mean?" you spoke, quietly.

"Don't call again..."

"Dad, no--" you break this time, a sob escaping you.

"Me and your Aunt Cass..."

"Daddy please, don't do this--"

"..We've decided to cut ties. We're not taking any heat from this, you're on your own," he finishes, clearing his throat, waiting a moment, listening to the pleads and cries of his only daughter, his once pride. "You take care of yourself. Goodbye, kid."

"Why can't you just believe me? Why?!" you cried.

"Don't come to the house."

"No, no,--" the line goes dead. And staring down at your phone, his caller id going blank and the call disconnecting.

Your phone all of a sudden feels heavy, the device and your hand falling down to your thigh, before the phone slips out of your grip and onto the floor. You sit there silently, until your tears drop up and even after.

Staring at the photo now was haunting in its own way, it was just another painful reminder.

Using the bed frame to stand to your feet, your grip on the frame is painful as you squeeze it, the glass cracks audibly.

"Bonnie..."

Whipping around at the sound of John MacTavish's voice, you back up a few steps at the sight of him, your back hitting the edge of your desk.

He reaches out as you stumble, before his fingers curl back into his palm as you find your balance, his hands receding back to his sides. He doesn't enter the room, just lingering just beyond the doorway, his eyes flickering around the room, guiltily.

"I didn't know--we didn't know you were out," he speaks quietly, as opposed prideful personality that translated into his voice usually.

You say nothing.

In the dark, your eyes are wide and your shoulders are tensed up, he can see the glint of your leg braces, the iv pole at the side, the scar beneath your eye. You looked terrified to see him.

"We were coming back to clean up today, just got back from...from a mission..." he stutters on his words, shifting his feet.

"It's been a week."

His lips press together hearing your voice. "I know..." Johnny glances around at the room he'd let those officers destroy, it hadn't been them, but they might as well had done it. "I know...we just...didn't know it was so bad."

"Really?" your voice is mockingly sweet, drawing out the word. "You didn't know? Well look..." you hold up your family photo, the light in the hallway catching on the glass. "You missed one."

Your hand dropping, the heavy frame comes down just as fast, ramming into the ground, the glass practically exploding on impact.

Johnny flinches, the photo of your family...He looks back to you, surprised. "Bonnie..."

Snatching the next closest thing from your desk, a ceramic cup. "Oh, wow, can't believe you guys missed this one," you chuck it into the wall. It breaks on impact, the remains scatter along the flipped mattress and onto the floor. "That used to be my favorite mug by the way."

The Scotsman worriedly steps forwards, 'Lass, I'm sorry--"

"FUCK YOU!" you spat, coming into the light. You're sure you look deranged, and you didn't care. You could've wrapped your hands around his throat, killed him right on the floor and you wouldn't have blinked. "It doesn't mean anything! 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry', 'I'm sorry', over and over and over again! As if you shouldn't be! Your apologies mean fuck all."

"I know...I know," he breathes. "But, I've gotta say it anyway, bonnie. I should've believed you, there was no reason not to. I know that now. I just--"

"Believe me!" you cut him off with a yell. "Trust me! Fucking 'HELP ME'!" you screamed with the same fever as your days in the interrogation room, that terrible cell, the cold, the burn and pain. "I cried it all to you, to all of you, and nobody came. Nobody came for me," you breathe in sharply. "It doesn't matter what you should've done. You didn't do it!"

Johnny's eyes are red, he opens his mouth, closes it and then swallows down whatever chokes him up as he looks at you. "I should've came for you. I wish I did. I wanted to, Bonnie..." he steps forwards, and you recede back away from him, your eyes narrowed with violence. "I'll never forgive myself for not listening to you. For not coming to help you. For laying a hand on you. I'm so sorry, (Y/n). I'm sorry..."

I'll never forgive myself... "That makes two of us," you assured.

Johnny's eyes widen, before they close, his guilt ever consuming. He can't help but understand, to respect your decision, to know things can never be ok again. "(Y/n)...."

Grabbing hold of the nearest thing, a pencil cup, you hurl it at Johnny. He doesn't put his hands up, flinching as it hits him, the metal clinking against his kevlar, eyes closing then opening, he stands still. "I don't forgive. I don't accept your apology. I don't fucking care about it!" with each sentence you throw something else his way, a broken frame, the trash bin, a pillow, the CD player.

His hand has to come up for the knife you unsheathe, a memento from one of your missions, it's rusted, ancient probably. But, you hadn't given it up to a museum or to pawn, you had nearly died on this mission, saving Johnny ironically. You had to keep it.

Seeing the weapon, his defensive position is instinctive but his hands drop just as fast, he understands, you need this. You deserve this. "If you need to..." he speaks. Your eyes flicker up to him, away from the knife. "If you need to, I get it..."

And you need to. You really fucking do.

Your grip on the knife is dangerously hard, it hurts.

Looking at Johnny, he'd been your brother in more than a few ways on and off the field, he had been your comfort, your friend, your family. You had bled with him, held onto him as he carried you from the battlefield, joked, laughed, screamed and cried. You've loved him for years.

He'd had a rough few nights you could see that. He was quieter, reserved. Almost as terrified to see you, as you had been of him.

And you could kill him right now and never bat an eye.

And so, throwing that knife was so fucking easy.

Johnny's eyes close as you do just that, fists clenching and teeth biting down on his tongue to prepare for the pain.

The ancient weapon whiz's through the air, the sound is sharp and he knows it will cut through him like butter.

The thud rings in the room, and Johnny's eyes blow open wide, holding his breath as he collapses to his knees, before turning to you.

You dig into the pile of clothes that had been cast aside, a pair of sneakers and a new shirt. You don't look at him a single time as you take it all, stuffing them in a bag, and leaving the room, passing him completely, a limp in your step.

Johnny releases a pained breath, tears finally leaving him as he looks up, the knife lodged into the frame of the doorway, just barely missing him. The sleeve of his uniform ripped open.

He sits there in the quiet, destroyed room. A testimony to the relationship he's destroyed between you.

Part 4!! OUT NOW

[thedropsofblood]

A wolf in hunter's clothing

Warnings: Dub-con, age gap (????), mostly gender neutral but made with male reader in mind, size difference, started as rough -> slightly sweet mid-way, bratty reader, overstimulation, blindfolding, implied obsessive behaviour.

Word count: 8k

Minors DNI, do not report, I WILL cry /nsrs

Isekai, the act of transporting a person from earth to a different planet, world, universe, usually of a novel or a video game. It was a childish concept that you haven't bothered and never intended to look into, until you got 'isekaied' yourself.

Unlike what your younger siblings have told you, instead of beautiful vast magical worlds filled with sub-human species and a logical storyplot, you ended up in the most boring case scenario, a fairy tale. Specifically, the "Red Riding Hood" children's book that fell out of the shelf and onto the ground next to you while you were at a bookstore.

As any normal person does, you picked up the book, hoping to put it back to it's original spot, but got your body sucked into the pages instead. To be fair, it could've been worse, so, so much worse. You luckily didn't become the new Red Riding Hood, instead, you became the older brother of the Red Riding Hood.

It's not as bad as it sounds, like, you have a loving and caring family of both parents and an adorable younger sister, as well as a grandmother who you occasionally visits for the first 18 years of your life. What more could you ask for?

The life of your younger sister, that's what you could ask for. Even if they're technically not real, you couldn't help but care for them, care for the years of family meetings, the little happy moments, the vacations, even something as trivial as a meal together. And yet, imagine how your heart sunk in once you heard your mother tell your sister to deliver the cookies to your grandmother tomorrow after hearing rumors of the hunter being on break on the same day.

It made your anxiety levels go wayhire. Your sister's and your grandmother's life depended on the hunter after all, what would happen to them if there's no more hunter? Will they die under the wolf's hands? Can you even escape this book if they die?

.

.

.

Would you be trapped here forever then? What about your family outside of this? Would they even still remember you after 18 years? Worse, what if they just, hate you now?

Why should you even leave this place if that's the case?...

You crawled onto a ball on your bed, hugging onto the soft pillow in search of even a little bit of comfort. This place wasn't real, none of this is, your world was simply a scramble of words combined together by some random old man hundreds of years back, hell, you weren't even supposed to be here, why would you care if your supposed 'sister' and 'grandmother' dies?

Yet you found yourself restless. You had an idea on what to do, god knows if it'll work, but... It'll never hurt to try, right?

You throw your pillow away and change into warmer clothes, turning off the lights before sneaking out of the house through the window, heading directly towards the bright tavern in the middle of the town.

"Brother, why are you not eating? Do you not like it?" The voice of your sister knocked you right out of your thoughts, scrambling to take a bite out of the sandwich she made for you.

"No no- it's good, it's good, I'm just thinking about what I need to get for groceries." Your sister barely bought your excuse, barely. You can still see her crossing her arms and pouting in the corner of your eyes. She was glaring at you for a few solid minutes, as if trying to pry the truth from you. With a huff, she leaned back against the chair and muttered under her breath.

"Remember to buy some candy for me while you're at it then, I'm gonna go now. I don't wanna leave grandma waiting." You let out a mental sigh of relief, ruffling your little sister's hair. "You're just as childish as ever." You chuckled.

Before you sister leaves, she jumped into your arms to give you a hug causing a small smile escapes from your mouth. Your hand reached up to pat her on the head, if you had to be honest, you don't know if you regret your deal with the hunter or not anymore.

"Shit... If I knew slacking off would get you on my dick, I would've taken so many vacations."

The hunter chuckled, leaning in to place a loving kiss on your forehead. You pushed his head back to give him a glare, well, as best as a glare could be with the blindfold covering your eyes. You barked, gritting your teeth as you tried to kick him in the stomach.

"Shut the fuck up and just get it done with already. This deal was only for my family, bastard. Bet you can't even get anyone else to get into bed with you without forcing them into shitty deals-" Your words were cut mid way when he firmly slapped you across your face, his other hand gripping your ankle and hosteling your leg onto his shoulder.

You hissed in annoyance, yet a part of you felt pride for successfully pissing the hunter off. You can only assume what his face was like right now, is he glaring down at you like a lamb in the slaughter or is that stupid smug smirk on his face away? You didn't even have time to guess twice before he shoved his fingers into your mouth with a firm "Suck."

You held yourself back from laughing when you got your answer immediately, this guy was pissed as fuck. You decided to comply anyways, sucking on his fingers and making sure to bite them lightly as you pulled back.

"Sweetheart, did nobody teach you to not play with fire?" His hand wandered down to thrust his fingers roughing into you, his other hand gripping onto your chin to muffle your noises with a kiss.

This fucking bastard didn't even give you a warning before he turned you into puddy over his fingers, you bit onto the bottom of his lips, but instead of him pulling away, he continued on, ignoring the way you clawed onto his back as if you were trying to murder him.

Your hands reach up to try and remove your blindfold out of annoyance, leading to his hand snapping up to hold your wrists together, the other one pulling out of you to unbuckle his belt. "Good boys don't disobey their orders, sweetheart." He chuckled half-heartedly.

That scratched you in the worst way possible, but before you could even react, he thrust the tip of his dick into you, stealing all the air out of your lungs. "Fucking! Ugh- Warn me!" Your nails dug onto your palm, you felt like all your body strength just disappeared into thin air.

You didn't even have time to complain about it after he thrusted fully into you, huffing at the sight of your body shaking like a leaf under him. It was adorable how your attitude went away as soon as he entered, but to be fair, you would probably be more horrified when you realized his dick made a small bump on your stomach.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" He chuckled, placing a kiss on your forehead as he started moving at a fairly gentle pace. He freed your wrists to grip onto your hips, leaning forward to place comforting kisses on your neck. "Come on, let me hear those beautiful noises of yours, sweetheart."

You bit the bottom of your lip to the point of drawing blood, your hands gripping onto the bedsheets underneath to the point of your knuckles turning white. Despite your efforts, some small muffled noises still managed to escape your throat, which was enough for him to speed up his ravage with a satisfied grin.

"You're truly so, so adorable, sweetheart." He groaned, hugging you and burying his face into your collarbone. Your hand moved to grip onto his hair to try and push him away, but it barely felt like anything to him due to the lack of strength in your body. Your antics didn't last long anyways, you were already a cock-drunk moaning mess under him, and at this point, he thinks he likes you better this way.

Those thoughts made him bite your neck roughly as he threw away all self control he had, prioritizing on chasing his own pleasure instead. You wouldn't have complained if you didn't get overstimulated from that, you already came a few moments beforehand, and he didn't even give you a break from abusing your sweet spot even more.

You couldn't be bothered to try and stay quiet when you felt like you would break under him. As a warm feeling filled your stomach, you felt lightheaded as you closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down from the climax.

He pulled you into a hug, his hand patting you on the back of your head as he pulled out and rested you on your side. Before you drifted off to sleep, you felt a kiss on your cheek as he muttered something you couldn't make out.

A/N: This was supposed to be wolf X reader but I felt like writing some dilfs today, wondering if I should start writing more dilfs...

[mrs-kmikaelson]

The Truth²

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader Summary: Aaron had always valued the truth above all else. But sometimes the truth isn't enough. Warnings: home invasion, murder (self-defence), cm-typical cases, references to foyet arc and haley's death, aaron was mean, grovelling, complicated relationships, lots of angst Words: 4.7K

Masterlist | Part 1

a/n: omg, i'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging! i genuinely forgot ab this with exams and everything. but thank you so much for all the love! it means the world. lmk if you want a part 3!

Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

"Hotch."

Aaron looked from the papers haphazardly placed across the table, seeing Morgan standing in the threshold. "Yes?"

Derek nodded his head outward. "Garcia's on the line. We've got a lead."

He was up before Derek could finish his sentence, following him out of the makeshift office and into the conference room where the rest of the team sat. 

"Go ahead, babygirl."

Garcia's voice crackled to life from the receiver on the table. "Okay, so after some deep, deep sleuthing, I have found that the victims do all indeed have something in common. Each of them has been involved in a court case, specifically domestic disputes, that kind of thing. Andrew Sykes was a character witness in a rape trial, Maya Zhao the plaintiff in another, and Carson Williams the accused. The only reason Carson's name didn't come up immediately is because his record was expunged—he was a minor at the time."

Emily raised her hand into the air, her eyebrows scrunching together. "Wait, wait, wait. So the unsub is targeting just random people who've been involved in rape cases?"

Reid tilted his head. "Garcia, what was the outcome of each case?"

"Um..." she paused, her keyboard clacking. "The first case with Sykes was dismissed, Maya's rapist was found guily, and Carson was found... not guilty."

"Guys, what if the unsub doesn't just choose his targets because they're involved? What if he's choosing them because he thinks they're lying?"

JJ raised a brow. "Lying about the crime?"

"Yes! What if that's the link? Not because of the lives they lead but the choices they made?"

"That would explain the overkill," Rossi added. "If the unsub believes the victims are disingenuous, ruining people's lives, then that may be his justification for taking them."

Hotch nodded, going over the details in his head before he agreed. "We're ready to give the profile. Thank you, Garcia."

"You got it." A click resounded, signalling the call was over. Similarly, everyone cleared the room, slowly filtering out. 

Emily was the last one in the room, appearing to be grabbing her files before setting them down on the table once everyone was gone. "Hotch."

He stopped turning halfway through, turning to give her his attention. While he expected curiosity on her face, what he didn't expect was the pure inquisitiveness, if not interrogation, that he saw.

"What's going on with Y/N?" 

He had to stop himself from intaking a breath, but he knew even that was futile. Emily was nothing if not a great profiler, and she had taken to profiling him very well. When he saw the curiosity on her face start to resemble accusation, he knew that he gave something away, anyway.

Before he could even think of anything to say, she continued, "She hasn't been to work in days. She says she's sick, but... you haven't called her once to check in on her. And normally you call her all the time when she's in perfect health." She tilted her head in a way that felt like a challenge and then repeated herself. "What's going on?"

Hotch's first instinct was to defend himself, even though Emily didn't know anything about what happened. He could explain it, but then what would he say? That he told you that you weren't Jack's mother? That he called you an accessory? That he was cruel?

He implied that you weren't a member of this team. But the way Emily was searching for information told him otherwise.

This wasn't a case. He couldn't lay out all the facts and present it to jury. And he couldn't coldly tear you down like you were a defendant in need of prosecution.

But you did, his mind echoed. You already did that.

He wished he didn't.

He stopped avoiding Emily's eyes, and he told the best truth he could tell at that moment. "We got into an argument," No, he berated you. "and we haven't spoken since. I've been... trying to give her space."

Emily looked as though she were mentally calculating what he could've said to warrant so much space. But if he told the full truth, the honest truth, then she would know that he created a distance between you that he didn't know how to bridge.

"Hotch—" she paused like she was debating whether or not to speak her mind. "Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm saying this with the utmost respect. But you have a great thing with a great person." She let her words soak in before delivering the final blow. "Don't mess it up."

Hotch didn't need to respond to that, and Emily didn't need to say anything else, leaving the room right after. He already messed up a marriage, and she knew that. She was there when he received the divorce papers. So were you. Yet you let him fall in love with you anyway, and you loved him back with everything you had.

But at that moment, he felt like he didn't deserve any of it.

— 

Standing in the police station's bullpen, Aaron's fingers hovered over his keyboard, twitching with uncertainty. He didn't know what to type.

He was good with words. He sent people to prison with compelling arguments. He co-wrote the textbook on hostage negotiation. He didn't need Reid's lexicon to know he was good with words. But maybe it would help with knowing what to say to you.

There were too many things to apologize for, and not enough variations of the word sorry to account for any of it. Sorry didn't hold enough weight.

But it was all he could think of that was acceptable to say over text, and Emily was right: he couldn't afford to mess this up.

So he started typing, starting with an absolute truth before he said anything else.

I love yo— 

Garcia's contact filled his screen, interrupting his message. He sighed, and then immediately felt guilty about it. He had three victims and the potential for more. The case had to be his focus, not his wrongdoings, no matter how wrong they were.

He accepted the call, pressing the phone to his ear and getting straight to the point. "Have you found anyone in connection with the three court cases?

"No! Well, yes, but no, that's not what I'm calling about. Sir—" Garcia cut herself off with something that sounded like a sob.

Hotch furrowed his brows. "Garcia?"

"Hotch. Some— something happened." Garcia took a deep breath. "It's Y/N."

Hotch felt his world stop. All time and reason and logic ceased to exist. All he could hear were Penelope's words, playing on a loop like a broken record he never wanted to hear.

It's Y/N. 

Just like that, the earth started spinning again, making bile rise in the back of his throat. "What happened?"

From the corner of his eye, he could just barely see the team looking up at him. He couldn't really pay attention to it.

When the silence went on too long, he repeated himself. Sharply. "Garcia. What happened?"

"There— there was a break-in at— at your house." Hotch's heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. No. No, no, no— "Jack is fine, he's completely unharmed, but Y/N—" Garcia's sobbing cut her off once more.

"Where is she?"

"Bethesda, at Suburban Hospital."

"I'm on my way there right now." Hotch immediately hung up. When he looked up, he found expectant faces staring back at him.

Rossi broke the silence. "Aaron?"

Hotch didn't waste another second. "My house was broken into. Y/N's been—" He didn't even know. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know. "Y/N's in the hospital. I need to leave."

Everyone was quick to rise to their feet. "What?" Morgan's voice cut through the air. "Hotch, we can't just stay here. This is Y/N we're talking about."

Hotch had completely forgotten about the case, but it was brought right back to his mind. "No, you have to. This is still an active case—"

"Your house was broken into. You don't call that an active case?"

"It is. But we can't all leave. Garcia has another update, call her back and find out what it was." He didn't stay any longer than that, leaving the room without another word.

He stormed past officers gazing at him curiously. He couldn't bring himself to care about any of it.

He threw open the door to the SUV, the keys nearly falling out of his hands for how badly they were shaking.

You aren't needed.

"Aaron!"

Hotch wouldn't have heard the calling of his own name if the car door hadn't opened, startling him. He looked over, seeing Rossi get in the passenger seat.

"Dave—"

Rossi appeased, "It's alright. I left Morgan in charge. Told the others to update me and I'd update them. Now, let's go."

If Hotch had the will or the energy to argue, he would've. But all he could think about was you. The same you he callously tore down without care for your feelings. The same you who said yes without thinking twice when he proposed. The same you who could be in any condition right now, not knowing how much he loved you.

So, he just nodded. He started the car, squeezing the wheel so hard his knuckles turned white to stop his hands from shaking, praying that you were okay.

He prayed that you knew the truth. Unsent messages and unsaid words. 

I love you.

—

When Aaron got some of his wits back, he realized he had to call Garcia. It was stupid to sit on the jet without knowing how you were.

You were shot. While protecting his son.

Your son.

Sharp words echoed through his head, words he knew would cut deep and said them anyway. Now you were the one bleeding in an operating room while he was still hours away, and the distance between you had never been so large.

You are not his mother!

"Aaron."

Hotch looked up, finding Rossi staring at him with concern swirling in his eyes. Whatever he was going to say to comfort him wouldn't work. This wasn't something Hotch could be consoled over.

"She's going to okay," Dave reassured. He looked like he truly believed it, but Aaron knew the importance in not making promises you couldn't keep. "She shot the guy back—put a bullet right between his eyes. Whose influence do you think she got that from?"

Aaron sighed. He taught you how to shoot a gun. But he may as well have been the one to pull the trigger. "It's my fault, Dave. If I had never left her there—"

"She still would've gone home, Aaron."

"No, you don't understand. I left her." Aaron met his eyes, even though Rossi's figure started to blur. "I left her, and I—" he cut himself off, swallowing harshly.

He couldn't even believe that he said it. Before this, he couldn't have imagined a world where he said any of it.

You were his world. You and Jack were his family. But he made you feel like you weren't part of it at all.

Dave cocked his head. "Something happened between you two," he stated. Not a question.

Aaron swallowed a second time. "Yes."

He almost thought Rossi would ask him what happened, but he did the opposite. He only sighed. "Look, Aaron. I don't know what happened between you, or what you said that has you ruminating so deeply. But whatever happened, you have to know that it is not your fault that this happened to her."

"Dave—"

Rossi waved his hands in the air. "No, I don't really care for whatever illogical, self-deprecating argument you have right now. She wouldn't, either." He sat up straighter in the seat across from him, leaning forward. "What you need to think about right now is the fact that she's okay. That is what you need to believe. She shot this asshole, and we'll figure out who he is as soon as we touch down. You can apologize later. But she is okay, Aaron."

Were you, though? Even if you were physically okay—which he had no way of knowing—were you okay mentally? What about your relationship?

Another lifetime ago, Hotch could remember a relationship with a wife who grew to resent him. The image of her body sprawled across the ground was etched into his memory.

He closed his eyes, and when he reopened them, he was blinking tears away. "This has happened before, Dave."

Rossi didn't have any real response. Quietly, he said, "I know." He remembered just as well as Aaron, just as well as everyone else.

No one had ever forgotten.

— 

By the time Hotch and Rossi got to the hospital, it was already dark out. Rossi insisted that he be the one to drive. Hotch was getting out of the car before it'd even fully stopped.

Garcia already told him what floor to go to. She was there when he came running out of the elevator.

She quickly stood up. "Sir—"

"How is she?" He was out of breath.

"I-I don't know. She's still in the OR. They— they've been in there a while, but no one has been out to update me yet— oh, God. Oh, God, I hope she's okay."

Hotch ran a hand through his hair. You were still in surgery. He didn't know what that meant.

He couldn't think about it. If he thought about it, then—

"Jack?"

"Oh! Yes, um, he's with Jessica. They were here but I told them to head home. I'm so sorry, I didn't even think— of course, you would want to see him. I can—"

"No, that's okay," he assured, even though it looked more like he was assuring himself. "He should be in a place that's familiar to him right now." Oh, his poor boy. His poor, sweet boy had seen enough blood to last a lifetime. Hotch couldn't help but think that Jack already lost a mother once; he couldn't lose one again.

You are not his mother.

He released a shaky breath, then tried to school his expression. "Okay, what do we know about the unsub?"

Garcia's eyes widened. "Everything! I have him dead to rights, Sir." Without reading from a screen, she recited, "Forensics ID'd him as Joshua Lawrence—"

Hotch cut her off, recognition flashing in his brain. "Lawrence?"

"Yes, Sir. Lawrence was the unsub in a murder case you prosecuted back in '94. Went to prison for life after being charged with second degree murder of his girlfriend when he was 16. He was just released on good behaviour 2 days ago."

The pit in Hotch's stomach deepened. His voice was grave. "And so he wanted to punish me by going after my family."

Penelope winced, not for the first time since their conversation started. "Yes, Sir. And he's dead now." For some reason, that didn't make Hotch feel all that better. His family was still paying for his sins. Jobs he had. Deals he didn't take.

Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

"For Y/N Y/L/N?"

Both Aaron and Penelope turned around in quick speed. A doctor in blue scrubs stood before them, a scrub cap still sitting atop her head. Aaron stopped breathing. He barely even noticed Rossi coming to stand beside him.

But he was the head of the BAU, and he could spot the doctor's cool expression a mile away. So the weight on his chest felt lighter before she even said a word.

"I'm Dr. Reyes. Ms. Y/L/N is stable. We removed the bullet, and she should make a full recovery. There were some complications during surgery. The bullet knicked a major artery, but we were able to replace the area with a graft. She is incredibly lucky," she emphasized. "If the police hadn't been called at the time they were, the outcome could have been entirely different."

Aaron let out a breath of relief while Rossi asked the questions he didn't have the mind to ask. "How long will she be in recovery?"

"I'd like to monitor her here for about a week," Reyes replied. "She's resting right now in room 305, but I can allow one of you in there."

Finally, Aaron could speak. "Thank you, Dr. Reyes." He couldn't truly put his appreciation into words.

Reyes nodded, and then she turned and walked away. Rossi and Garcia immediately turned back to him. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go see her," the former urged.

Hotch hesitated, much unlike the man his team was used to and much unlike the man he was used to. He masked it with careful redirection. Turning to Garcia, he asked, "Where are we with the case?"

The blonde was wiping mascara from beneath her eyes, looking confused for half a second before realization dawned on her. "Oh, um, the case has been solved, Sir. Stenographer Albert Brown was the culprit; Morgan et al. pursued him just an hour ago. They should be wrapping up at the station now."

Hotch nodded. "Good."

Tiredly, she added, "Would've found him sooner if we'd made the connection between the cases earlier. Y/N/N had a hard time with that one record since it was expunged and all—"

Hotch's brows furrowed. "Y/N? She hasn't been to work."

Garcia's glasses suddenly fell back to her nose, her eyes widening in a way that told them both she'd said more than she meant to. "Right," she whispered. "Right, she hasn't. Except— she has. She comes in right after dropping off Jack and leaves when it's time to pick him up." 

Despite the way the words rapidly tumbled out of her mouth, Aaron understood every word. You were still coming into work. Doing the job without receiving any credit for it. Even after what he said to you. Not only that, but you were staying with Jack like it was your top priority, even though you were working.

If Aaron hadn't felt sick before, he surely felt sick now.

Rossi was looking at him like he was a ticking time bomb set to explode, Garcia bracing herself for the impact. 

Hotch cleared his throat. "I'm going to see her now," he informed them. Neither of them said another thing as he walked in your direction.

But deep down, he didn't feel like he deserve to see you at all.

—

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you did was close them again. The light was too much, and your eyelids felt as though they were being weighed down.

The dull throbbing in your abdomen made you open your eyes again, looking down to see your body covered in a hospital gown atop a hospital bed. For a second, you were confused, until the memories hit you like a train.

Doorknob. Gun. Man. Blood.

You took in a sharp breath, which made the pain worse. As if the noise had triggered it, movement started to your left.

You turned your head, seeing a man in a suit sitting in the chair beside your bed. Light streamed in from the curtains, highlighting his brown hair. And although you couldn't see his face right away, you only knew one man who would sleep in an uncomfortable chair in a suit.

Aaron.

He rubbed at his eyes, and you deduced that he must've been there for a while. When his eyes were no longer obscured by his hands, they locked with yours. You watched them soften in real time. 

Quietly, he said, "Hi."

Your heart squeezed. "Hi—" your voice broke into a cough. Aaron was quick to grab the water at the side table, guiding the straw into your mouth. The water felt cool travelling down your throat, but you couldn't stop the way your face warmed.

Aaron put the water back when you signalled you were done, and then he stood there awkwardly. Under different circumstances, you would've found it cute. But how could soft eyes and gestures mean anything to you when you could still remember the hardened scowl on his face before he left?

You don't know how long the silence lasted before he spoke. "Y/N—"

"Can I see Jack?" You didn't mean to cut him off, not really, but it was instinctual. You didn't know what Aaron was going to say, but you knew you didn't want to hear it yet.

Aaron's shoulders deflated, but he didn't say anything in protest. "Yes, of course." He nodded—to you or himself, you weren't sure. "I'll go call Jessica now."

Aaron left the room, phone in hand. As soon as he was out of the room, you sighed to yourself. At the sight of your engagement ring glinting in the light, you screwed your eyes shut once more.

Not a mother. Not a team-member.

Were you still a fiancé?

—

"Y/N!"

At the sight of a blonde flurry of hair rushing your way, you smiled wider than you'd smiled in days. You laughed, despite the fact that it made your stomach hurt. "Jackers."

Jack rushed the side of your bed, only stopped by his father's voice. "Easy, Jack." The smile on your face faltered slightly at the sound, glancing at Aaron standing in the doorway. His eyes were fixed on his son. "Remember what we said, okay? Y/N's been hurt, so you have to be gentle." He glanced at you momentarily during the explanation, looking strained. 

"Yes, Daddy. I know." After his confirmation, Jack's attention was back on you, concern colouring his features. "Are you okay, Y/N?"

You softened at the serious look on his face. Aaron used to joke that he was all Haley, but that look was purely him. "Yes, I'm fine, buddy," you lied. "Don't worry about me."

Jack didn't look like he believed you. You didn't blame him. "Are you sure? There was a lot of blood."

You took a deep breath. In your peripheral vision, you could see Aaron take a step forward, but you collected yourself before he could say anything. "I know. And I'm really sorry you had to see that." You blinked away the tears welling in your eyes. "You did very good, Jack. Listening to me and calling the police."

Jack's grin stretched from ear to ear. "I did?" he echoed.

You nodded, smiling back at him. "You did. Thank you."

"I'm just glad you're okay, Mommy." Your breath hitched, but Jack looked none the wiser. If you dared to glance at Aaron, you would see him in the same speechless state. As if he didn't just turn your world upside down, Jack followed up, "Can I come lay with you?"

This time, Aaron intervened. "Jack—"

"Of course, sweetheart. You can come sit right here." You moved over on the bed, ignoring the ache altogether. And for the first time since Jack entered the room, you looked directly at Aaron, silently asking him with your eyes to help him onto the bed.

The cautious look in his eyes told you he disagreed with you, but he still walked over and helped Jack up, anyway, carefully placing him on the bed. You immediately wrapped your arm around him as he settled into your side. The feeling calmed you down more than the morphine pumping through your veins.

Jack yawned, prompting you to ask, "Do you want a bedtime story?" He nodded fervently, despite whining that he was 'too old' for that now, causing you to giggle. Running a hand through his hair, you started, "Okay. Once upon a time, there was a princess, hiding away in a tower. You see, it wasn't safe outside. Someone had captured the sun and made it so dark outside that she couldn't leave. So she waited, and waited, and waited for the day the sun would return. And one day, her saviour came. A knight arrived, and he courageously fought the sun thief. He was scared, too, but he was brave enough to do what was right. And so, the next day, the princess watched the sun rise for the first time after so much darkness." Your voice lowered as Jack's eyes fluttered closed. "She thanked the knight for bringing her light back to her, and everyone in the land lived happily ever after."

You caressed Jack's hair as he fell asleep, smiling at the sight, even as your eyes burned. You didn't know if this story would have the happily ever after you wanted it to.

Aaron's voice penetrated the silence, reminding you that he was there. "I told the team to come back tomorrow once you've gotten more rest." He was quiet, mindful of Jack.

"That's good," you responded.

"They were really worried about you." Pause. "I was really worried about you."

You sighed. "Aaron—"

"I'm sorry." He sat down in the chair beside you, desperately trying to meet your eyes. "I was spiteful and purposelessly cruel. I had no right to be angry, and I should not have said any of the things I did."

When you finally met his eyes, a tear fell down your cheek. "But you said them."

"I didn't mean them," he disputed, begging you to believe him. "Everything I said was untrue."

"No." A humourless chuckle left you. "I'm an accessory. Garcia doesn't need me to excel at her job, and the BAU certainly doesn't need me for anything she can't already do." Aaron opened his mouth to protest, but you continued, more tears falling from your eyes. "And I'm not Jack's mother. He's tired, and he slipped earlier, but that doesn't make me his mom."

"Y/N—"

"But Aaron," your voice cracked. "Even though I am not Jack's mother, he is my son. And you have to know that."

"Y/N." Aaron reached out for your left hand, engulfing it in both of his. If your eyes weren't so blurry, you would've seen the tears in his eyes, too. "You have raised Jack for over half of his life. You are his mother. I wouldn't take that from either of you. I'm sorry for ever implying otherwise. And I'm sorry for implying that you weren't a part of the team. Garcia told me how you linked the victims together while only being there 6 hours out of the day. You are the reason that case was just solved. You are an integral member of the BAU, and I took that for granted."

"No, Hotch, you don't get it." Hurt flashed across his face at the name, but you held your resolve. "You didn't just imply that I wasn't a part of the team. You implied that we weren't a team, and that is what killed me inside." You ripped your hand from his, but it didn't escape either of you that you then used your other hand to wipe away your tears.

Aaron swallowed, letting his hand fall to the mattress. "We are a team. You're the love of my life." Even he could hear how he was grasping at straws.

Lightly, you shook your head, staring back at him with a pitiful smile. Pity for him. Pity for yourself. "You didn't make me feel that way."

A sense of inevitability settled over the room. Aaron's gaze was drawn to the ring on your finger before he looked back up at you. "I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if you let me," he promised. You both understood it for what it was: a plea.

"I know." No tears fell this time, despite the lump lodged in your throat. Just above a whisper, you put forward, "Just give me time, okay?"

Aaron didn't respond immediately, but you could see the shift in his eyes. Not quite the look of a man who lost, but not quite the look of a man who won. 

"Okay," he whispered back. 

You thanked him, going back to caressing Jack's hair. The silence was less loud now, punctuated by the truth.

Your story with Aaron didn't start with Once Upon a Time. And it didn't end with Happily Ever After.

But you ended with the truth. And that's all you asked of him.

taglist: @hotchnerave @cantbecreative @holmesry @amber97 @queenofvelaris @midnghtprentiss @deeninadream @michasia24 @donttrustlove @sjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj @allysunny @jessjessmarvelandhp @burkayyy @mrsxyz480 @loki101 @athanasia-day @mischiefmanaged71 @beardedhotchner @doe-eyed-diva @witchcraftandwit @diabolichii @vivs30 @burrithorr @racoonkitty @gemininormouzz @wallowingselfpity @singlepringle4you @pillkits @alice07ea @storiesbynova @mmmunson @rannifer @dedicatedfangirl2001 @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @jencole214 @ssa-danhotchner @kcch-ns @cultish-corner @fckgrier @aasmalfoy @cocopuff213 @axionn @ponyosmom35 @phaedrashafiq @planetsnshit @laufeysvalentine @anthropsych @thatkidofwarandpeace @cassiesversion @person-005 @wilmalovegood @leclercprettyeyes @esw1012 @lafrone @elliewhite-123 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @rethasavedlives @anninhaaagomes16 @doyoulovemenough @yousigned-upforthis @msfreedom @vhkdncu2ei8997 @berrywoods1245 @nessjo @wh0rezs @messageforthesmallestman @thecutestaaakawaii @starrynightsil @redama @batmanunicorns523 @spideyreid @sillymuffintrashflap @bennetbreakdown @girl-who-loves-books @onedgirl10 @fallen-angels2213 @aaaaau @notsochillnerd @swag13r @rousethemouse @cumuluscranium @maximoffwitch @youunravemerblgs @tearykth @sexlapis @guilty-cheese @rauspberries @kaetastic @dakotapaigelove @softtdaisy @fanfareofafangirl @love-dray @elyjellybelly @rivaiken @softlyspencer @chill-out-imqueen-persephone @spideystar @siampie @ssa-writerminds @kouibin

additional a/n: thank u all for ur kind words! i basically tagged u if u commented or reblogged (tysm for supporting!). lmk if you'd like to be removed from the taglist for this series! also, many of ur tags aren't working, and i don't know why! they're underlined on my screen, but when i leave edit mode, half the tags aren't working anymore. if anyone has any insight, pls let me know.

[gentlelovingsiscon]

your big sister Lena moved in with you today. you picked her up at home in a U-Haul you'd rented for the day; dad helped you pack all of her things into the truck, while mom harassed her oldest daughter about being responsible and getting a job quickly. you watched between trips, arms full of boxes, as your big sister shrank bit by bit into herself.

“don't worry, mama, you know i'll be keeping an eye on her!” you said. mom smiled, but you cringed when your sister shrank just a little bit bit more. you'd have to make it up to her. maybe on the way out you could stop at that ice cream place you both loved as kids.

the first thing she said when she got in the truck was a pitifully murmured “i'm sorry…”

you bravely resisted the urge to whip your head around and slam on the brakes, instead choosing to take a deep breath and ask her “why?”

“you… you need me to get a job so that we can live together. and most days i can't even get out of bed, so i'm just gonna be a-”

“mom and dad didn't tell me that. you can't get out of bed?”

“no, i just- college was hard. i'm just still tired after graduation. i'll be better soon, it's okay. don't worry about me.”

“you spent our entire childhoods worrying over me, it's my turn!”

mercifully, she chuckled, and a ball of tension in your chest you didn't know was there loosened by a fraction. “can we stop at-”

“Polly's? come on, you haven't even been looking at where we're going, have you?” you teased.

she went red, finally looking up from her lap as you pulled into the parking lot of Polly's, the local ice cream place. “oh.”

you smiled over at her. it took a second, but she met your eyes, noticed your smile, and gave a small smile back.

two ice cream cones, several pit stops, and four hours later, you pulled up to your house. you share rent for the place along with three other girls, all of whom you've kissed at one point or another, with varying levels of seriousness. they all approved of your sister moving in, helping you clear out the fifth bedroom that you'd all been using as storage so she'd have her own room. they'd even pitched in to buy her a bed (albeit a cheap one off of Amazon, but still).

you sent the house group chat a message before you let your sister get out of the U-Haul. by the time she got out and started moving towards the back of the truck with a resigned slump, a butch and a very fit femme had hustled past her, said “hi, nice to meet you, we've heard so much about you, let us get your things for you” and handed her off to the last member of your household, Sarah.

Sarah smiled sweetly at you, gave you a peck on the cheek, and took your sister by the arm. “hey! Lena, right? Penny talks about you all the time. nice to meet you, i'm Sarah. we made plenty of dinner earlier, you want some?”

“i- sure. yeah.”

Sarah threw you a smile over her shoulder. you smiled back.

a few hours later, thanks to the efforts of two butch lesbians and two fit femmes, Lena is moved in and unpacked and your housemates have vanished back into the metaphorical woodwork, leaving you to spend time with your sister alone.

“your bed is so comfy,” she says. “wish i could sleep here…”

your blush covers your entire face, and you go a little light headed. no, keep a lid on it. you're fine. she doesn't mean it like that.

“i've been saving up money. in a couple months, i can get you one just like it, if you want.”

“no! you don't- it's fine. my bed will be fine. don't worry about it, Penny, it's fine, i'll have a job soon and then i'll- i'll be able to buy my own bed.”

your blush cools off, replaced instead with anger at your mom and dad. you slide a little closer to her, “you let me take care of you, Lena, or i swear to god-"

“fine, god you freak!” she half-shouts, scooting away from you by a couple inches. not too far, though. “what kind of idiot sister wants to take care of an invalid like me any-”

you lunge at her, and she lets it happen. falls back on the bed as you push her down by the shoulders and straddle her, pinning her arms to her side as you shout “take it back! say something nice about yourself!”

she grins, comfortable in the familiar motions even with unfamiliar words. you've never actually beat her in a fair fight, but whenever you jump on her like this she always goes down easy.

“no,” she says.

you grin, and your hands leave her shoulders. it takes her a second to realize what you're about to do, but by the time she goes to mount a defense it's far too late. your hands are already dancing up and down her sides, only half-blocked by her arms and your legs. she guffaws and bucks, trying to get you off of her. but this is the only way you've ever won a fight with her; underhanded tricks.

“oh- hahaha! - okay, i give up! i- wheeze - i'm smart!!”

you relent, panting for breath yourself and unconsciously leaning forward. for a second you don't realize what kind of position you're in. the top of your head is buried in the pillow next to your big sister's head, your mouth right next to her ear, your bodies pressed against each other.

it slips out of you involuntarily, said a million times to Sarah in situations far too like this, but now rushed out in one breath into your sister's ear: “good girl.”

Lena shivers, whispers “whu…?”

and suddenly you've come back to yourself. the position that you're in is clear, and you scramble off your sister. she stares at you with wide eyes, your own like saucers staring back. your faces are both flushed, and you're panting. your big sister turns her face away, and you thank god that she's not looking when you reach down to adjust your hardon.

your hand comes out of your pants begrudgingly, feeling hypersensitive and needing to do something about it. maybe once you're done hanging out with Lena you can go fuck Sarah into her mattress. maybe she'll let you call her ‘big sister’ again.

Lena looks back over at you, and your blush gets deeper.

“sorry,” you say, “i just… Sarah does that a lot, and when she-" you swallow your tongue, aware that you're digging the hole deeper with every breath.

Lena turns to you with interest. “so you and Sarah, huh? mom and dad definitely don't know about her, or i'd have heard about this way earlier. are you two dating, or what??”

“Lena!” you protest, “i'm not telling you that! that's private stuff, not-”

“no no, i know what you're about to say, but it's absolutely for sisters to talk about!”

you almost protest, almost tell her that the logic she used for everything when you were kids wouldn't work anymore, but… this is the happiest and most excited you've seen your big sister all day. so you open your stupid mouth, and you tell her the story of how you and Sarah started your relationship.

something about being alone with your big sister again for the first time in almost five years loosens the tight hold you keep on your heart and your tongue, and you tell her a nearly unredacted version of the story, sex scenes and all (though, admittedly, more of the ‘fade to black’ variety).

it's a long and embarrassing story, and Lena asks you for details, and you can't stop the words from tumbling out. you tell her how you and Sarah helped heal each other in a very real way. you shyly admit that's where your new confidence comes from. you blush when your sister tells you she thinks it's kind of hot.

“in a sisterly way, obviously.”

“obviously.”

at some point during the story, maybe when you're crying through the story about Sarah saving you from being assaulted, the distance between you vanishes, and everything feels right again. your sister holds you close, your legs tangled together while you fit neatly into her shoulder.

you finish the story, and your sister murmurs “oh babygirl…”

frustrated tears fill your eyes, though you're sure Lena takes them to be tears about the story you just finished telling. the problem is that you're so close to her right now. that your lips are hovering over her neck, that you're keenly aware of your cock tightly pressed between your bodies, that it's taking everything you have to not start grinding on your big sister's leg right now.

your hips buck, just a fraction of a twitch, and Lena becomes a flurry of limbs and movement that you can't parse for a second. then, a second later, you're on your back and your big sister is above you, her arms pillars to either side trapping your head in place. her brows are in a deep furrow, but her eyes are wide open and staring into yours. you stare back, unafraid. your sister would never hurt you.

“i'm sorry,” she says, then gives you everything you've ever wanted.

she all but collapses on top of you, no longer pillars but arms wrapping around you, fingers winding into your hair and tugging. you groan and your mouth opens; your big sister takes advantage of it and captures your lips with her own, her tongue snaking into your mouth. the rest of Lena's body relaxes and presses you into the mattress. you can't do anything but sit stock still, sure that this can't be real.

“i'm sorry, Penny, please… please i need you so bad, i can't- i can't help it anymore, please fuck me. please, Penny, i'm sorry, i need you to fuck me, i'm sorry,” she rambles. you groan incoherently, unsure if this is a dream or a nightmare.

before you can come to and say anything, Lena has already shifted and gotten your pants down far enough for your cock to spring free. she rubs on it for a moment, and you start whining.

“i know, i'm sorry! i'm sorry, please i just- fuck, please just let me- Penny please please please!”

you think you nod. probably frantically. Lena thinks you're scared, but you're really just desperate. you've been dreaming of this for years, and only hesitantly played it out a couple times with Sarah. you're trembling not out of fear, but out of excitement.

you stutter as Lena lifts herself up and starts to align her cunt with your cock. “please… want… you…” you manage to push out.

“no babygirl no no no, please don't say it! you keep talking about Sarah, please, please just- please i want you to be mine, Penny! please don't make me go!”

“yours… your- your sister, yours,” you groan. she lines up, resting your tip at her entrance.

tears fill your sister's eyes. “do you… do you mean it?” she asks.

then, before you can answer, she slams down onto you, taking your entire length down to the base in one smooth move. tears fill your eyes too, and you lean up to kiss your sister.

one more time, she lets you turn the tables and falls backwards as you tackle her. you land on top of her, pinning her down. “i love you,” you huff, pulling out halfway before snapping your hips to slam back into your sister. “i love you, sis.”

“i love you too, little sis…” she cries.

you lose track of how many times you cum inside your big sister that night. you fall asleep tangled together, half-hard and still inside her, your bodies and bed covered in slick cum. that's a problem for tomorrow.

[sweetbcgs]

LUNCH / sevika

Sevika x fem!reader nsfw headcanons

WC: no idea!!

for @mrsarnold

Sevika seems like the type to be into bigger women... sorry..

Constantly wants to be touching you in some way, sexual or non sexual, doesn't matter. she wants to be touching you all the time, keeping her hand on your thigh when sitting down anywhere, it's even gotten to the point where she makes you sit in her lap so you could be touching her.

She is a MUNCH i swear to god she is, wanting to eat you out until you're crying and begging for her to stop because you're so sensitive. her holding your thighs down as you jerk against her, but she doesn't care because she knows she's stronger than you

size kink.... yeah gets off on knowing she is bigger/taller than you.. This is really for me but her just resting her weight on you especially when her strap is in you to make sure she goes as deep as she can

i just know she is possessive, constantly keeping an arm around you in any public place and shooting people looks if they stare at you for too long.

i know y'all saw that scene with Caitlyn biting her... she is SO into biting, whether it's you biting her or the other way around. she mainly just wants to leave her marks on you even though everyone knows you belong to her.

I can see her being soft half the time, wanting to take her time with you and treating you so sweetly. Wants to kiss you passionately, slow deep thrusts, just making sure she's skin to skin with you. But after a long day of dealing with assholes she wants to be rough with you. Pulling your hair, overstimulating you till you're crying, choking you, spitting in your mouth...

She just wants to please you so bad, she gets off on seeing you cum with her name leaving your mouth.

Yeah she wants to please you but you pleasing her? Best thing ever. I don't see her as someone too loud in bed, groans and small moans falling from her when you're eating her out, but going down on her and making sure she comes at least twice before coming back up to kiss her. I'm honestly a sucker for pleasing so yeah..

Hear me out, with with an oral fixation? When she puts her mouth on you, she is not stopping until she's satisfied. Sucking on your clit till your hips are jerking against her face and she has to hold you down as she makes you cum again.

I think everyone in the fandom has agreed on her having a breeding kink, so yeah let's add that. Her favorite position would be missionary just so she can keep your face in her view, sometimes leaning down to suck marks on your neck, biting you too... Holds your cheeks together to make you stare at her because god does she love holding eye contact with you.

Loves when you go down on her strap, yeah she can't technically feel it but phantom strap..?? She doesn't have her arm anymore, doesn't mean she still can't feel it. She swears that she can feel you gagging on her and has actually came from it once.

a/n: this is so short but i really didn't feel like adding any more onto this... been really busy recently btw!! trying my best to be active but i haven't spent much time on my phone

[jaegerbby]

➳ inculpatus

--͙[satoru gojo x female! reader]-͙-

╰┈➤ word count; 5800

╰┈➤ rundown; satoru is everything you want and more, it is time you gave him a little more of you.

╰┈➤ caution; virgin! reader (also described as having small breasts), established relationship, corruption kink, cunninglingus, size kink, cum eating, ball sucking (?), handjob, dry humping, fingering.

not proof read!

he is pretty, way too pretty for you to think properly.

"can i suck your dick?" satoru flinches once the words leave your mouth. he is perched on the quaint white sofa in your apartment and maybe you should not have spoken so loosely because his eyes slightly widen as he turns to you.

"sorry! it's just... you haven't tried anything with me." you unsurely speak, avoiding his gaze. satoru is respectful, overly so. you thought inviting him to your place would at least give him a hint without you having to spell it out for him.

sky blue eyes flit over your features before he licks his lips. they are so pink they look doll like. "i don't want to push you." he pauses. "because you're a virgin." while he does not admit it, it undeniably makes him hard.

"i'm not ready for sex but other things." you trail off, "you can do other things with me."

he jaggedly nods, his head feels dizzy after hearing you say he can have his way with you. "i'll do anything you want."

you perk up immediately.

"how do i get it hard?" he follows your gaze as you focus on his crotch. where the grey fabric of his pants are futile in concealing his bulge.

you are too cute. satoru surges forward to press soft wet kisses to the right of your neck before shifting to give the left the same treatment.

your breath picks up at his proximity, you feel the softness of his hair but it is a lot different in this atmosphere.

his large palm cups along your jaw. "you don't have to do anything. i could look at you and my cock gets so hard it hurts. it's worse cause these clothes are so skimpy." his gaze has darkened now, your mouth feels sticky with spit and your stomach turns in an unfamiliar way.

he grips your wrist to bring your hand onto his stiffened erection. "feel that?" he urges your touch along him, it feels hard, long and hot. so hot.

it does not take long before you are caressing him without any assistance, he puffs air into your face. "i didn't make a move cause i didn't want to scare you but i wanted to touch you. whenever you leaned over i saw your titties, i saw how small they are and your puffy nipples. got such cute tits, babe, wanted to suck on them so bad, would you like that?" you mewl at his low voice, his thumb strokes over your bottom lip.

"toru." his expression looks almost pained at how airy you sound, your voice is sexed out already. when you call him like that how is he supposed to stay sane?

he tugs the straps of your vest down, you practically writhe like a cock is in you as your breasts are revealed. you squeeze along his length, your little hand working him despite your lack of experience.

"i want to lick them up, see how much you squirm or if you'd cum from that alone. just from your little tits getting sucked" he paws at your chest, there is barely a handful for him to grope.

he tweaks your nipples, his eyes narrowing and his tongue flicking over his lip. he is so close you can see the sky within his eyes, the thickness of his lashes and the blush along his skin.

"you didn't wear a bra, what about panties? what kind do you wear, ones with little bows, pink, white? what's a virgin like you into? you keep your tight cunt covered in cute ones or do you dress her like a whore?" you moan at the vulgarity, your forehead leaning on his while you lose your bearings.

your pussy is a soaking mess and if you could, you would press your thighs together to relieve the ache that is building up the longer satoru invades your space.

your insides clench and clamp down, they feel like they are begging for something. satoru tugs your hand away from his heady cock and you whine.

"why don't you show me? show me what you have under those slutty shorts." he pinches at your nipple hard enough to make you wince, his teeth flashing as he smiles. he looks so pretty, far too perfect to be real.

your palm slowly strokes your pussy over your shorts, satoru's eyes hold yours before they flit down to look at you touch yourself.

his hands reach for your waist, bunching up in the fabric of your vest. he is so big and strong, his muscles flex and pulse. your fingers prod the waist band, biting your lip as you slip further in.

the soft skin of your pussy meets your fingers and the wetness pooling from your slit drenches them after. it is hot and syrupy. he can see bare skin where your hand keeps the fabric pulled taunt.

"i didn't wear any. cause you'd be here. i thought about you seeing my pussy through my shorts. did you, toru? when i answered the door or when i sat down did you see it?" he groans, rolling his head against yours.

you stroke down your slit, you are wetter than usually. you are so much wetter now than when you are touching yourself to the thought of him.

"you're driving me crazy. yeah i saw it. i saw your little cunt. you need to be careful, i'll start thinking you're telling me to take your pussy when you do things like this." you face contorts, satoru's hand trailing along your sides and his voice sounds like a wet dream come through.

you pump the underside of your fingers along your swollen opening. "i am, toru. it's already yours." your voice is all shaky and you do not sound like yourself at all.

you are all whiny and borderline desperate. you sound like you need to get fucked. you hurriedly tug your hand away to grip his face and press your mouth to his.

the slick from your fingers taints his skin and you hardly know how to kiss but satoru tilts his head to deepen it. he is a good kisser but you knew that already, you have kissed him before but never this exposed, never with this palpable tension.

he hums into your mouth, his hand cupping your throat as his tongue glides over yours. you feel like the saliva pools in your mouth, you suck on his bottom lip then you kiss him harder.

your fingers pull on his hair, your teeth gnashing. it is open mouthed and desperate. the kiss is all wet and sloppy and any time either of you pull back the other chases.

the other pushes forward to keep your mouths connected. wet smacks fill the room, his tongue claims every part of your mouth it already has and when you both lean back your chest is heaving

"fuck, oh fuck." you pant and your fists tangle in his shirt to pull him back in, your lips glide along satoru's, spit swapping and your cunt aching the more you kiss him.

you think you might give him your virginity this very moment.

his thumb strokes your throat, using his grip to draw you closer. your entire body is vibrating, you feel like every neurone in your system is firing off.

you whine, your mouth leaving his with a sticky smacking noise. "i think m'losing it." you breathlessly mutter, satoru drags his finger along your lips, smearing the saliva across the swollen flesh.

"i am too, you shouldn't have let me touch you. i won't be able to stop." you look so innocent, yet your hair is all messed up, your lips are puffy from kissing so aggressively, your cute little boobs are exposed and your pussy is so insanely wet, there is a wet patch through your shorts.

it drives satoru insane, how can you look like sin incarnate and still have innocence all over your face.

"i don't want you to stop." he groans at your admission, you need to stop before he is too far gone. you need to stop before satoru starts thinking about how the inside of your tight virgin pussy will feel. all hot, gooey and sticky. he just knows your leaky little fuck hole would take his shape so well.

he leans in to peck your lips, satoru needs to stop thinking. "m'not letting you suck my cock." you stare at him in disappointment. why are you doing that? satoru has half a mind to stick his cock in one of your holes and you are making it far too difficult not to.

his hands caress your hair, smoothening it down before he cups your face. he wants to bite your pouty lips and never stop kissing them at the same time.

"not today, not gna slip my cock in your tight baby throat and feel all those little muscles gripping me, no cause i want to eat up your pussy instead. i want to taste how sweet you are and stick my tongue in that virgin hole." your fingers paw at his body, feeling his hard stiff muscles beneath them. he tugs off your vest and you lay back as he reaches for the waist band of your shorts.

a deep sound rumbles in his chest when the material peels away from your cunt and he sees it for the first time.

"c'mon didn't you want me to see? spread your legs." and you do, without any fanfare. satoru's large palms coax along the back of your thighs before he cups under your knees to keep you open for his prying eyes. satoru wonders how long you had been thinking about showing him your hot sticky pussy.

he wishes you showed him sooner but he might have lost it since then. your cunt is dripping with slick, it leaks down your hole to your ass. you look all pink inside satoru wants to see it stretched around him, he wants to feel you gripping his cock and milking him dry.

"got such a pretty pussy, i'm lucky, so fucking lucky. my pretty girl is so gorgeous. look at this messy little hole, she's so wet, fuck." the tips of his fingers trail along your slit, collecting your wetness before he rolls your stiff clit. you jolt as he strokes your bundle of nerves. the mewl that escapes you is borderline pornographic.

he leans over to lap at your lips and then he is shoving his tongue in your mouth to roughly kiss you. his entire body is between your legs, he covers you completely. he is so big it makes you ditzy. he is hard and muscular all over.

when he is on you like this, all you can think about is how easily he could fuck you, it is all you want. you want him pounding into your pussy until you are brainless. he is so close he could take you right now if he pleased.

your hands tangle in his hair, trailing down his jaw and neck before you squeeze his broad shoulders. satoru moans into your mouth, propping his arm beside your head to crowd over you more.

your hips stuttering as he rubs your clit harder. you feel his bulge hitting the back of your thigh, hot on your skin beneath his clothes. you want to see it, you want to touch it.

"toru, i want to see you" a growl rumbles in his throat and he licks into your mouth. "take it off, please" you tug at his shirt, he does not want to stop kissing you. his expression is pained as he pulls away, hurriedly yanking off his shirt to reveal his narrow waist and the muscles all over his body.

you giggle when he shoves his pants down and almost falls over. he climbs onto you with an embarrassed smile on his face and blush coating his cheeks. "you laughing at me?" you hum. "cause you're cute and i like you." you brush the long hair away from of his forehead and wrap your legs around his narrow waist to tug him in.

when his covered erection meets your slit you both breathe heavily. "why didn't you take these off?" your finger prods the waistband of his boxers. your eyes are on his, the same ones that look like every sunny sky is held within them.

"i don't trust myself to not fuck you. if i take them off, you won't be a virgin for much longer." you shiver beneath him. that does not sound like a threat, it sounds like the solution to everything.

like something you need to keep breathing. satoru is big, every muscle in his body is defined, you can trace each one with your eyes. his shoulders, his abs, his biceps. you want to see how they flex and bulge when he is losing himself in your cunt. how they will pulse when he is fucking you.

he gropes your breasts, his tongue laving over your nipple before he sucks down on the perked flesh. your legs jerk when he thrusts his hips into yours. your stomach feels tight, you feel like there are too many butterflies within the small space.

your pussy leaks so much liquid it drenches the front of his boxers, it only makes it easier for him to hump away with your pussy. his bulky thighs are warm as they press into the back of yours to hold you open. satoru pants into your skin, you can see the ripple of his back muscles as he fucks his hips.

there are wet smacks of his cock colliding with your cunt, this alone feels so good, you know it would feel a million times better if he was actually fucking you. you want him to have you, you want the real thing. it turns your brain to mush, makes your cunt ache and your tummy tremble.

he is breathless when he kisses you, it is hard and sloppy. almost as hard as his cock grinding against you. it is thick and long, you want to have it in your hand, down your throat, inside you.

you never thought depravity would ruin you like this but it does and it is okay because satoru is the only one you will get like this for.

his hands desperately grip your cheeks and jaw. you moan as he pulls back to slam his hips particularly hard. hard enough to make your body jerk and your back arch.

"i want to eat you out. i need your pussy in my mouth, need to know how you taste." you whine, your nails dig into his nape, thighs squeezing on either side of his hips.

"anything, toru. anything you want." you mewl. the friction on your pussy has your head in a mess, more of a mess than the slick leaking from your untouched hole.

he presses his stuttering hips flush to yours, his hefty length digging into your cunt. "you don't know how much i thought about this, i used to rub my dick raw when i thought about getting my mouth on you. my tongue in you, wanted to smell and taste your pussy so bad."

he slowly kisses down your sternum, hands trailing over the heat his lips leave in their wake. his palms are so wide, just one spans your waist. just one covers the plane of your stomach. his mouth seems to water the closer he gets to your sex.

you tug your legs to your chest, your hands folded and resting over your mouth. you tense when satoru presses his nose into your slick and nudges the flesh. it is embarrassing, even after all you did, it makes you more flustered than you can explain.

"you smell like heaven, baby. fuck don't ever keep this cunt away from me." his tongue flicks out to lave over your buzzing clit and your eyes shut tightly. it is when he reaches your dripping hole does your body stiffen the most.

your toes curl as he licks you greedily, sucking at the sodden flesh. it is like he does not want to stop. he presses further, his tongue flattening over the expanse of your pussy as he licks it entirely.

"fuck, babe. your pussy's too perfect." his eyes flick upwards, they are blown out and predatory. he spreads your lips before wetly spitting a thick glob into you.

he drags it along your slit before plunging a finger inside. it is long and thick, a lot thicker than any of yours. you writhe at the intrusion.

"how am i supposed to fuck such a tight hole? won't be able to take it, i might just rip your cute little cunt apart." his mouth encloses your clit, sucking and licking as he fucks his finger into you. the pace he sets is fast and riveting, it has you moaning like a freaked up slut instead of a virgin.

you brokenly cry when he adds another finger and your insides are stretched more than they are used to. you can hear the soaked soppy noises of your hole being slammed into over and over, his slimy mouth on your clit.

it is so embarrassing. yet it feels so good, getting your insides stroked and having his mouth somewhere you never thought it should be made your entire body buzz.

his mouth wetly separates from your clit with a sticky pop. "you like that? yeah you do, got your pussy dripping all over me." he thrusts his fingers, deep and fast. like he has done it countless times before.

you dumbly nod your head, your insides squeezing his digits and your hips rutting to meet his movements. he pounds into your hole until the creamy liquid is dripping down his wrist and there are tears in your eyes. saliva webs in your mouth while you moan. he slowly pulls his digits out of you.

"you okay?" you hum, sniffling. your eyes trail along his glistening fingers, it is weird to think they were just inside of you. satoru looks at you as he kisses your abdomen, caressing your thigh before his tongue glides along your entrance.

the tip prods your cunt and you whine lowly when the hot slimy muscle finally sinks in, hips tilting at the strange sensation. he groans into your flesh, his jaw dropping to press deeper. the tip of his perfect nose nuzzles against your clit and your eyes flutter constantly.

your lids threaten to shut as his mouth drips saliva onto you and the muscle squirms within your gooey walls. the knot in your stomach pulls tighter and tighter, your thighs tensing at the sight of him bobbing his head between your legs.

your shaky fingers find purchase in fluffy white locks. the feeling of his tongue being pumped into you makes your mind go blank, it makes your mouth water and your insides tighten.

squelching sounds fill the room as he eats your cunt up. his tongue going so deep your vision blurs.

"toru, toru, toru." you did not realise you were moaning. blue eyes flick up to look at you, you who is so lost in pleasure your head is leaned back and your chest is heaving.

satoru thinks if he had to choose the happiness moment in his life it would be here, with you. you were intoxicating enough but having you like this meant he could never be without you.

your slick in his mouth drives him insane, he wants it on his tongue always, he could die happy if your pussy is the last thing he has. he sucks up your drenched hole before moving to your clit.

he laps at the mound, fingers filling your hole to replace his tongue. the faster he shoves into you the more you tremble, the more your body jolts and the tighter you grip his hair. they reach for his shoulders instead, nails digging into his flesh and it makes satoru think about you clawing his skin when his cock is buried balls deep in you.

your voice is all high pitched and whiny, your head writhes against the couch, hips bucking into his face. he does not give you a break, despite your moans being broken and shaky.

no, he slams his fingers into your creamy pussy, feeling your walls pulsing around him as he quickly thrusts into you.

your liquid splatters with the pace of his movements, his mouth alternating between sucking your clit and licking it up. your voice is all honey dew and dreamy when you cream.

satoru groans at the taste of your cum, still fingering your innocent hole as he laps at the evidence of your orgasm. your thighs tremble and you roll your hips into his face, breathless with the weight of your high.

satoru's jaw is covered with slick when he moves over you, his other hand still gently caressing between your folds after slipping out of your sensitive slit. "why do you know how to do that?" you mumble.

"i had to know just so i could do it with you." he flashes you the prettiest smile. you trace his jawline, your blurred eyes trailing over his messy hair, his lengthy lashes, his gorgeous eyes and the slope of his nose.

the pinkness of his lips is more swollen than usual and cum drips down his jaw. even so he lacked imperfections.

satoru pecks your cheek "you were so good, such a perfect girl." he presses his body flush onto yours, both of his arms hugging your figure.

your smile is flustered with his weight on you, you keep him as close as possible. you are overwhelmed in a good way.

you think you would do this countless times so long as it is with satoru. he buries his face into the crook of your neck and sighs softly.

"i don't think i could be without you." truly, he thinks it might break him. you press a kiss to his hair, your hand stroking down the toned bulked up expanse of his back.

"you'll always have me, toru." the sound that escapes him is something like a whine as he leans in to peck your lips.

"we should clean up." you slowly let go when he sits himself up. satoru's arm is resting along the back of the couch, one leg folded while the other rests on the tiled floor.

his dexterous hand adjusts his cock through his boxers. the thickness looks like it is struggling with the constricting fabric. your body feels lighter, the mess between your legs is a bit uncomfortable but you tug them to your chest and look at the male before you.

he is way too big, it makes you all tingly inside. like he could hurt you if he wanted to but he does not. like if he held you, his arms would be the most impenetrable fortress. 

"what do you want to do after?" he leans his head back, his eyes turn to you and his adam's apple bobs. he is looking at you but you are staring at his evident erection.

the thin material of his boxers does nothing to hide the girth of his aching cock nor does it conceal the wet patch from his pre cum.

"so shameless." he slyly smiles, he reaches to nudge your chin but his resolve falters when your gaze flits between his crotch and his eyes and your cute little tongue trails along the seam of your kiss swollen lips.

he hopes you do not say what he knows you will because satoru cannot resist you. not a single ounce of him has the strength to refuse you.

"toru, i can take care of you too." his smile slowly drops and his mouth dries. his eyes go dark and he tilts his head.

"yeah?" he sees your little hands bunch into fists before you perch yourself on your knees and you lean closer to him.

satoru wants you this close forever, to always see, touch and have no matter what. your hair frame your face and your lips pouts with your words.

"if you want to use my mouth or anything else, you can." you are temptation. you are temptation in the form of an angel.

satoru swallows hard, he shifts closer to you, hands cupping either side of your head. he kisses your forehead before nuzzling your nose with his.

"today isn't about me, we'll do it another time." your eyes flit over his features, leaning in to peck his plush pink lips. you grips his wrists, stroking them.

"but i want to do it now, i really want to see it." satoru breathes heavily. he feels like there is no air in his lungs.

"okay." it comes out soft, you are too good for him. "i just need you to put something on if i'm taking my boxers off."

his large palm trails down your bare chest "you're too pretty, you're everything i want and i don't trust myself to not take you." you slowly nod before holding his hand. satoru follows you without a question, he would follow you to ends of the earth without any hesitation.

your bedroom is pink where your apartment is white everywhere else, it is like you were hiding all the colour in here. it is his first time in your bedroom despite the countless times you slept over in his.

you have plushies all over your bed, the sheets are pink, your fluffy pillows are pink, your closet is wide open and all that meets the eye is pink. your laptop, headset, desk. it is all pink.

you leave him beside your bed and he sits at the edge with an increasingly painful erection making his boxers tight.

his eyes trail over your room and he has to adjust his cock again. this should not be a turn on.

yet something about you, a pretty little thing like you touching yourself in such an adorable room, getting fucked by him in here.

the thought of him pressing your face into these pink sheets and rawing your cunt with reckless abandon. it makes him lose his mind.

he winces as he tugs his swollen cock. when you come back into his view, pink lacy panties are covering your pussy and the matching bra that conceals your tits makes satoru groan.

you draw closer to him and his large palms caress your hips. "now i know you wear cute panties." he jokingly says but there is a desperate undertone in his voice.

when you kneel down, satoru thinks he might be too turned on to think. he wants to keep you to himself.

your hand strokes along his happy trail before teasing the waistband framing his deep v line. he gently grasps your wrist, preventing you from going further.

"we'll leave the blow job for another day, okay? you can use your hand, i'll tell you what to do." you nod yet your eyes look all hungry. his abs tense, staring at your face as he tucks his thumbs into his boxers and tugs them down his thighs.

finally having his aching cock unrestricted has him grunting. your expression is so flustered yet you are pressing your legs together to dull that burning desire at the sight of him.

he grits his teeth, you are staring at it, from the pinkness of his swollen tip, to the dip where his head meets his shaft. the hefty girth with veins trailing down it, there is one particularly prominent one along the underside.

satoru wants to make you feel every inch of it inside, he wants to make you take his shape. maybe he is thinking too deeply, he jolts when your mouth surrounds the side of his ballsack and your little tongue is laved along it repeatedly. "don't- ohmfuck. okay, okay." he pants, fingers curling into his palms.

you need to stop before satoru shoves his entire cock down your throat without any care that you are gagging and choking on it. the gasp that leaves him is way too shaky. his tip goes past your face, it is over the crown of your head, it is too big for you. he is too big for you but he cannot not touch you.

he needs you like he needs air. he hums softly, he should stop you. he really should but he cannot when you are sucking at his balls. your little hands resting on his upper thighs and your mouth is draining him of any self preservation.

"you like it?" there is a sticky noise as your mouth pulls back, so much saliva on his skin. it is even webbed in your mouth.

"mm, you're so big toru." hearing those words in your soft voice makes his cock ache. he should not, he really should not but he needs to see it.

"keep that pretty baby mouth closed." he cups the back of your head, gripping his cock and squeezing it tightly before he presses it into your cheek. he curses, burning it into memory as he rubs his mushroom tip along your lips. his pre cum looks better than any lipgloss you own.

his fingers tangle in your hair to make you look up at him. having pretty little you, kneeling in nothing but laced panties chips away at satoru's restraint.

"want you to wrap your hand around it, can you do that for me?" you hum, when he lets go your fingers take his place. right around his base, your hand is so much smaller and so much softer. your fingers do not even reach around the perimeter of his cock.

his breaths are all laboured and hard, "don't put it in your mouth, just lick the head." his thumb strokes your cheek and you lean closer. your squirming slimy tongue trails over the slit and satoru throbs against the muscle.

"fuck, baby, you're so good at listening." he grips your hand to guide you up and down his length. "squeeze it a bit and move your hand like this." pre cum dribbles and he lets you do it on your own. it is jerky and unsure but somehow your hand feels so much better than his. he leans back on his arms, his hips moving slightly, his chest heaving and his dick begging for release.

"am i doing okay?" you mumble, begging for praise, feeling the ridges of his cock along your fingers while you slowly stroke up over his thick head and down his shaft.

the liquid seeping from his tip glides down along the sides and collects on your fingers, making it easier to jerk him off.

"more than okay, pretty girl. you're perfect." satoru's hand tangles in your pink sheets, the other reaching to tuck your hair behind your ear.

"faster?" you tilt your head, you are like a puppy. the cutest one ever.

"if you want." he grunts, when your hand starts pumping at his cock more, his eyes roll back. the muscles along his thighs flexing, all over his body in fact. he cannot help but fuck his hips upwards to meet your movements.

he is leaking incessantly, it coats your hand and it sounds all sticky and wet when you rub his cock. satoru curses, he feels like a virgin, maybe it was you, maybe it was your hand on him but it made his stomach all tight and his cock throb with no control.

you stroke at his base with a vigorous pace, your other hand surrounding his upper shaft and moving much slower. he jerks, teeth gritting when your tongue laves over the pinkness of his head before you take it in your mouth. it is so warm and wet, it makes him lose his mind.

your lips rest right before his shaft and the second you suck, satoru tightly grips the sheets, his head hanging and his jaw dropped to moan erotically.

"baby, baby what are you doing to me?" his unsteady palm caresses the crown of your head, petting you like the sight of his cock in your mouth does not tear him to bits. like it has not thrown him over the edge.

he wonders if you can feel him pulsing against your tongue. he wants to know what deeper in your little mouth would feel like wrapped around him.

"you're so fucking good, holy shit. never felt this good before." he groans and your eyes meet his, your wide innocent looking eyes despite how he has tainted you already. you look too pure for what you are doing.

"fuck m'gna cum. gna cum, take your mouth off baby." his hips stutter, muscles jumping. his toes curl into the fluffy mat beneath you both. you are still licking and wetly slurping around his head while you stroke his cock. the heated muscle of your tongue laving at his slit.

satoru's never came this quick before. his lids keep fluttering, he cannot stop groaning. his mind is too occupied with the thought of cumming in your mouth to stop you though he knows he should.

you keep touching and satoru has lost it already. he does not realise he is cumming in your little mouth until your hands have slowed down and you are teary eyed with milky liquid dripping down your jaw.

he curses. satoru is so sensitive and you are swallowing, why do you keep swallowing?

"baby, don't swallow. fuck, you don't have to." your hands shift to rest on his thighs, your brows furrowed and your little throat still bobbing.

you lean back and strands of cum are webbed in your mouth, still connected to his softening member. it drips onto the rug beneath you.

you sniffle, swallowing hard while you gaze up at him. your eyes are all glossy and pretty.

"i didn't think it would be that much." you are on your knees, right in front of him with your belly full of his cum, looking like the sweetest girl in the whole world.

you are his, you are all his. you have to be.

he cups either side of your face, leaning down to kiss you hard. he tilts his head, his tongue gliding over yours and the taste of his cum heavy in your mouth.

he reaches under your arms to lift you into his lap, nose nuzzling yours while he hugs you close. you are so much smaller you tuck right in along his large frame.

"i like you too much." he breathes into your shared air.

satoru cannot get enough of you.

[enderlovez]

It's Romantic

Spencer Reid x Female Reader WORD COUNT: 980

Summary: When Spencer learns that his girlfriend is also an avid reader after visiting her apartment for the first time, something she's kept from him for reasons unclear, he is ecstatic. And a little concerned, when he reads one of your 'romance' books.

Content Warning: reader gets embarrassed, your book has a sex scene in it, reader bites Spencer once, possibly shy!reader?

────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ──────

Spencer has never once been to your apartment. You're spend most of your time at his place, occasionally spending the night with him when you feel like it, and he loves having you there with him... But quite frankly, he's curious to see the place you spent most of your nights.

How you've decorated, how you've make it comfortable for you. Yet every time it comes up, the topic of, at some point, going over to your apartment, you change the subject, or insist on going to his.

'Why would we go to my dirty old apartment when we can just go to yours?' you'd asked on multiple occasions.

He doesn't understand what could be so terrible about the place you live, so disgusting that you wouldn't want him to see it?

Well, tonight, he wants to find out.

"Why don't we go to your apartment?" he asks quietly, swinging your linked hand between the both of you as you walk down the street.

You side-eye him, opening your mouth to give him the usual spiel, but he beats you to it, pulling you to a stop and pressing a finger to your mouth.

"Come on, Y/N, we've been dating for almost a year and I still haven't seen where you live!" he states matter-of-factly.

"Why do you need to see my apartment?" you ask, a defensive tone lingering in your words, your voice rising a few octaves. He doesn't need to be a profiler to realize you're nervous.

He sighs lovingly and wraps and arm around your shoulder, guiding you down the sidewalk once again. "Because I love you, and I'm curious to know where you disappear to when you leave me every night."

"I don't leave you every night, though."

"Okay, almost every night, then," he corrects himself. "Whatever you're worried about, trust me when I say there's no reasons to be."

You know he would never judge you for anything, right? Especially not when you're so wound up about this whole thing.

He peeks down at you again, using his free thumb to gently pull your bottom lip from between your teeth.

"Look, if you're really set on me never seeing your apartment, that's fine, I'll never see it," he breathes, not wanting to cause you actual stress about it. "I didn't mean to upset you, just wanted to know more about you."

"No," you snap back immediately, hesitation swimming around your eyes as you reach up and take his hand in yours again, "you didn't upset me at all, Spence. You... you can come see my apartment."

"Sweetheart, if you don't want me to—"

"I do want you to," you cut him off, pressing a kiss to the side of his hand. "I want you to see it. Please, come see my apartment, Spence."

────── ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ──────

Your apartment is lovely.

Fairy lights and posters decorating the walls, all the furniture worn and cozy, and it smells so distinctly you. It's exactly what he would expect for you, actually, something just as sweet and cozy as you are.

The only thing he didn't expect was the tall wooden bookshelf in your living room, filled with books, none of which he's read. You don't have it organized in any particular order — actually, you don't have them organized at all.

"I didn't know you liked to read," he commented softly, plucking one of your novels from the shelf and flipping it over to read the back. How could he be romantically involved with you for almost a year, and not know something so simple about your day to day life?

You don't say anything, blushing from head to toe as he picks up another one of your books. He looks back at you when he finds the one he gifted you a few months back.

He never actually thought you would read it, simply wanting you to have something in your apartment that reminded you of him, so he was pleasantly surprised to find that it was worn — more than any of the other books.

Spencer doesn't need to know you started reading it the night he gifted it to you, or that you spent every free second away from him reading it, or that you've already read it two times at this point.

It's obviously not something you would usually read, but it's from Spencer, so it's different. You loved every second of it because of him.

He puts the books he's holding down and grabs another random one from the shelf, settling into your pastel-rainbow-blanket-covered sofa, and flipping open to a random page...

Only to see that the two main characters of this particular book are having sex. Very descriptive sex, he might add, red coloring his face as he gently closes the book again and slowly turns his eyes to you.

Your face is a similar shade of crimson, knowing exactly what he's just opened the book up to find, as you snatch it away from him and put it back onto the shelf.

"Is this why you didn't want me coming here?" he asks, somehow managing to keep his voice steady — for your sake, since you're clearly embarrassed about the situation.

You drop down onto the sofa beside him, pressing your face into the soft bend between his shoulder and his neck, and just barely nod.

"You know I'd never judge you for anything, Lovely," he assures you, turning his head to press a kiss to the top of your head, "but that might just be the most vulgar thing I've ever read."

"It's romantic," you argue without moving your face away from his neck, gently biting down on the skin there as if to reprimand him.

"Alright," he agrees with you, too easily for your liking, but you don't say anything more, "if you say it's romantic, then it has to be."

[authorhjk1]

A queen's night

(IU X Irene X Karina X Yujin X Yeji)

He could lose his job for this. But there's no turning back now. Not after getting paid in advance. And it's not like he can return the payment.

Jieun's manager takes a deep breath, before finally taking the next turn. He is leaving the route he usually takes to drive her home. His knuckles turn white, sweat starts to run down his neck. Glancing at the rear view mirror, he sees Jieun scrolling on her phone. Looks like she didn't notice anything yet.

"Please turn left."

Taken by surprise, the man in the driver's seat almost shouts. He is so on edge, so afraid of Jieun finding out, that he forgot to mute the GPS. What if she hears it and realizes he isn't driving her home?

After finally shutting it off, he focuses back on the road. Another turn. The longer he drives, the more he is afraid of getting caught. Another turn. What if he gets fired for this? Isn't this basically kidnapping? Another turn. Sweat starts to build on his forehead. Maybe he should turn around? Another turn.

After a minute or two, the screen of the GPS finally shows their destination. He slows down, looking for the right building.

"Oppa."

A cold shudder runs down his spine.

"Where are we?"

"Huh?.... Well,.... We're taking a shortcut."

Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Jieun looks out the window. She's never been here before. And this doesn't really look like a shortcut. Haven't they always chosen the quickest route so far?

"Maybe you took the wrong turn?"

He decides to ignore the question.

"Oppa?"

A relived sigh leaves his body, when he finally spots the bright neon sign.

"We are here."

Jieun looks around.

"What does 'here' mean?"

The street, almost an alley, is pretty dark. Except for a couple of street lights and a neon sign, everyone and everything seems to be sleeping.

"I'm supposed to give you this."

Jieun accepts the envelope, while glancing at the rear view mirror. Her manager usually doesn't sound this scarred or afraid. It's not like she's gonna kill him, because they got lost.

She opens the envelope carefully and then takes out the card inside it.

"Third floor, second room on the left."

"What is this supposed to be?"

Her brows furrow, her question is directed at her manager.

"I don't know, Jieun. The... The CEO gave it to me this morning. He... He said to drive to this address and give you the envelope."

"This address?"

Jieun looks out of they window again.

"Yes. The Queen's Motel."

The woman in the backseat stares at the neon light. This looks more like motel for one night stands than a proper meeting place.

"Fine."

Jieun sighs and steps out of the van with a heavy heart.

"Don't worry. I'll pick you up later."

"Sure."

Jieun's manager sees her hesitate one more time, before she finally walks towards the entrance. His eyes follow her when she opens the door and steps inside. He finally groans in agony, all the tension leaving his body. Was it really worth it? Were they all worth it? We're they all worth her reputation?

He reaches into his pocket for his phone. Quickly heading to his gallery, he scrolls through the pictures he took while Jieun was on stage earlier.

He almost had a heart attack when someone suddenly opened the door to her dressing room, while he was watching her performance.

"Hello, manager-nim."

The young girl's sweet voice and smile made him stand up and bow.

"Hello, Yeji-ssi."

"I'm a big fan of IU and I was hoping you could give her this."

Yeji was holding an envelope in her hand. It was red and sealed.

"For Jieun"

"Sure. Of course I can do that."

He was surprised that Yeji came to him and not directly to Jieun.

"I'll give it to her right when she comes back."

He couldn't help but glance at Yeji's midriff. Her top was not covering much of her upper body, showing off a lot of skin. He thought he'd never get a chance with her at all. She's an idol. A celebrity. And he's significantly older than her. No way a young woman like Yeji would even look at him twice. But he had seen her dancing on stage, right before it was Jieun's turn. He still remembered the way her hips swayed to the music.

"Could you maybe wait for a while, until you give it to her?"

"S...Sure. I'll give it to her, when she's at home."

To his surprise, Yeji shook her head.

"Would it be possible for you to drive her to this address tonight?"

She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him as well. After glancing at the address, he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Yeji-ssi. I can't just drop her off somewhere in the city."

"Manager-nim..."

His eyes grew wide when Yeji pouted at him, her voice dripping with sweetness.

"This is really important to me. Can't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Yeji-ssi. But I can't just drop off a celebrity at a random address."

Yeji smiled at him and he felt his resistance crumbling.

"Oppa..."

The word made him feel warm as it left her pretty lips.

"I really need you to do this for me."

He was aware that Yeji had just closed the door behind her. He took a deep breath, hoping this was just a dream. Or maybe was he hoping for it to be real?

"I'll reward you, of course."

"Reward me?"

A victorious smile played around her lips.

"Take out your phone, oppa."

He felt his blood rush into his cock, whenever she called him that. Just the idea of a chance with her...

"You're welcome to take as many pictures as you like."

"Pictures?"

"Do you want me to pose for you?"

Her warm smile made him eagerly nod his head.

He quickly took a picture of her, afraid she would change her mind.

"What do you think of this?"

Yeji closed on eye as if she was winking, while biting one of her nails.

The manager felt his cock harden as he quickly shoot two more pictures.

"And this?"

She bit down on her lower lip, while hooking her thumb under her belt as if she was gonna take off her pants.

His mouth was opened wide as more and more pictures filled his phone. By now he almost took pictures by the second as Yeji made a show out of pulling the transparent plastic straps of her top off her shoulders.

"Do you like it when I strip in front of you?"

He was too busy watching her and capturing the moment with his camera to respond. With a knowing smile, Yeji turned to the side, her hand followed the curves of her body.

"Do you like how slim my waist is? I'm sure you'd love to get your hands on that."

When her hand finally reached her chest, she used her other hand to playfully wag her finger.

"No peeking, oppa."

She turned around completely, so he could get a great couple of shots of her back. He held his breath when he watched her slowly slide down her top. Her upper back was now fully exposed.

"You have to promise to drive her to that address, oppa."

It took him a moment to realize she expected a response.

"Of course. I...I'll get her there."

"Do you really promise it?"

"Yes. Yes, I promise."

"Thank you so much, oppa."

Yeji sent him one last smile over her shoulder, before slowly turning around.

Jieun's heart is pounding in her chest as she raises her hand to knock on the door. Third floor, second room on the left. Who's gonna be in that room? No one is gonna make her do weird things, right? She got some inappropriate requests before. But if her CEO told her to go here, it can't be something bad. He'd want her best after all, right?

She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. She doesn't hear any noises inside the room. After waiting for a good 20 seconds, she knocks again. Still nothing. Jieun places her ear on the wooden door. No one is talking. Or moving. It seems like the room is empty. So maybe she just needs to get inside? Is she supposed to meet someone? If they aren't here yet, when are they coming?

Jieun sighs in frustration and reaches for the doorknob. The fact that she's totally clueless and unprepared makes her feel unsafe and awkward. But eventually, she slowly opens the door.

The room is bigger than Jieun imagined. It's pretty large actually. A huge bed, a couch, a coffee table and... Her breath hitches as she takes a closer look at the left side of the room, behind the couch. Is that a....a sex swing that is hanging from the ceiling? She slowly steps into the room as she notices two cardboard boxes next to the bed. This can't be a sex room or something, right? Her CEO would never do this. Or is it him she's now waiting for?

Jieun's throat feels awfully dry as she bends down to open one of the boxes. She's hoping for something that would explain all of this. Maybe it's just a prank? Or an escape room? Her imagination starts to run wild.

Opening the box, her eyes widen at the first two things she sees. Both black. But both have entirely different purposes. One of them is silicon dildo, it's length making Jieun already sick. Does anyone expect her to take this? With shaking fingers, she reaches for the other item. A whip. A leather whip. She was never a fan of any hardcore stuff. And this is definitely too much. She feels something uncomfortable bubble up inside of her. As if she's getting sick. Her eyes land on a door on the right side of the bed. A bathroom? The lights are on. Maybe just in case...

She suddenly hears something that makes her blood run cold. The door she stepped through earlier has just been closed. Jieun's grip around the whip tightens. She takes a deep breath and then turns around.

"Unnie?"

Irene is standing between Jieun and the door.

For a moment, she is relived. A familiar face. A friend even. But Irene's cold expression soon takes away the feeling of hope.

"What...What are you doing here?"

Without a word, Irene walks towards the couch. Jieun catches her letting a key fall into the pocket of her red jacket. The key for the door?

"Why don't you take a seat?"

An evil smile plays around Irene's lips as she says that.

Jieun hesitates. She thought she could trust Irene. But she's the one who just locked the two of them inside this room.

"Are...Are you the one who gave my manager the envelope?"

Irene lets out an annoyed sigh instead or an answer.

"Just do what I tell you to do."

"Excuse me?"

Jieun is slowly starting to get irritated, even angry. Why the hell is she here? In this place? She could be home by now. Lying on her bed. Recovering from today's busy schedule.

"You heard me. I already took a picture of you at the front door outside. The reporters would love to know why you're in a place like this. Don't you agree?"

"I...What do you want?"

Irene opens her mouth slightly as if she just thought of something. She looks Jieun up and down.

"Why don't you..."

A sly smile plays around her lips.

"Why don't you get on your knees?"

"What? Do you want me to beg or something? This is ridiculous."

She can hear her voice becoming louder. But Irene just slowly shakes her head.

"You heard me."

Now she's pointing at the floor.

Jieun swallows hard. If Irene really took a picture, it could be come really dangerous. She realized by now that this is a love motel. Not some ordinary hotel. And it'd be of no use to explain that someone told her to come here, if Irene would really leak the photo.

Slowly, trying her best to give Irene her best death stare, Jieun sinks to her knees on the black carpet.

"Come here."

Irene slowly crosses one leg over the other, her eyes set on Jieun.

The young woman hesitates, but she realizes that there's no way out of this. If doing what Irene says will make this be over quicker, so be it.

An amused chuckle leaves Irene's lips as she watches Jieun carefully crawl towards her. She avoids eye contact until she is kneeling right in front of her.

"Good girl."

Irene's degrading tone makes Jieun roll her eyes, her face partially hidden by her hair.

"Clean them."

"What?"

Her head shoots upwards.

For a moment, she thought Irene was joking. But she's just moving her right foot a little closer to her face.

"Clean them. Or your career will be over by tomorrow."

Jieun grimaces as she takes a look at Irene's feet. They're clad in elegant black high-heeled sandals, which feature an open toe design and a slim ankle strap tied with a delicate bow in the front. Her toenails are painted in plain white. It's not like Irene has ugly feet, it's the opposite really, but the humiliation is almost too much for Jieun. The two of them might be the only ones in the room. But she could never ever face her, once she started.

After taking a deep breath, Jieun closes her eyes and sticks her tongue out. She licks her instep from the bottom to the top, until she reaches the bow. She quickly does the motion a second time, hoping that Irene had enough. But the older woman, slightly tilts her foot signaling Jieun to keep going. She sighs and starts to lick both sides of Irene's foot, until her tongue has covered every inch.

"Take it off."

Jieun quickly fumbles for the bow, hoping she's now halfway done. To her dismay, Irene just wiggles her toes after her shoe hits the floor. Jieun grits her teeth, but then takes Irene's toes into her mouth, one after the other. She sucks on them, lets her tongue clean them thoroughly. Once Irene had enough, she lifts her foot higher. With a crooked eyebrow, she silently tells Jieun to lick the bottom of her foot as well.

"Good girl."

Her praise almost makes Jieun shake her head in disgust. But when Irene finally lowers her foot to the floor, she sighs in relief.

"I hope for your sake you do a better job with the second one."

Jieun nods, resigning herself to her fate. She sticks out her tongue as Irene holds up her left foot. Once more, she licks Irene's instep with closed eyes. Afraid that Irene might become unsatisfied, Jieun does her best this time. She thoroughly cleans Irene's foot in every way she can. Just while she's sucking on two of her toes, she hears someone else's voice.

"I think she's starting to like it."

Jieun jumps. She looks to her left and stares with wide open eyes into the camera of someone's phone.

"Smile, unnie."

The girl's sweet, seemingly happy voice, confuses Jieun. What the hell is going on?

Looking past the phone, she quickly recognizes the culprit.

"Y-Yujin?"

"I hope you don't mind us. Just keep going."

"Us?"

Jieun looks around and realizes she has been too focused on satisfying Irene. Yujin is standing on her left and another girl on her right.

"Yeji?"

"Hi, unnie. Seems like your manager really liked my photos."

"What?"

Jieun feels even more confused and surprised than when she first stepped into this room. What is going on? Why are they all here?

Suddenly, someone else strokes her hair from behind.

"I always wanted to get a chance like this, unnie. I bet you're tight."

Jieun can't believe that someone would say these things about her. And she immediately recognizes the voice

"Karina?"

In the back of her head, Jieun is still wondering where the three girls came from. But she's focused back on Irene, who leans down a little.

"You really thought you'd get away with this, huh?"

"A...Away with what?"

Jieun can hear her own voice trembling.

Yeji rolls her eyes.

"Your popularity has increased throughout the year."

She looks her up and down with a dissatisfied look on her face

"For some reason."

Irene takes Jieun's chin into her hand.

"And I'm sure you can understand why we're annoyed by that, huh?"

"Well, I-"

"I still don't get it."

Yujin interrupts her.

"You have literally nothing to offer. No cool dancing, no real popular songs, nothing."

Jieun's initial shame gets partially replaced by anger. She didn't work this hard for years to just get bullied by these four girls.

"Leave me alone already. Maybe you should work harder."

Yeji scoffs in disbelief. Jieun feels Karina's hand in her hair again, but this time it isn't as gentle as before.

"Work harder? Oh please."

She pulls her hair a little, making Jieun look up at her.

"I'm sure the only work you ever did was sleeping around with rich men, so they buy your albums."

"That's right. How else would you be able to sell so many copies."

Yujin chimes in.

"I didn't sleep around with anyone! I-"

"Silence."

Irene's cold voice would've been enough to make Jieun stop talking. But the older woman even covered Jieun's mouth with her naked foot.

"I don't want to hear excuses. From now on, I expect you to tone it down. Got it? Maybe take a break from releasing music or something."

Her voice sounds threatening and Jieun is still very aware that Irene has those photos of her. Actually, Yeji seems to now have photos of her, worshipping Irene's feet. That's even worse. Maybe Jieun should just take this lecture and leave.

"Now, I'm sure you get what I'm saying."

Irene lowers her foot and leans back.

"But, to make sure you really understand, we should teach you a lesson."

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't we start by getting that little dress off?"

Yujin whispers into her ear, a finger already hooked under one of the brown straps.

"Wait! You can't do this!"

Jieun looks to her left, when Yeji pulls the other strap off her shoulder as well.

"Trust me, unnie. We can."

Karina reaches down from behind her and opens the big belt that covers Jieun's chest. As the dress slides down, Jieun instinctively moves her hand to cover her chest. She isn't wearing a bra.

"Don't get all shy now, unnie. You looked like you really enjoyed it earlier."

Jieun shakes her head at Yujin's words.

"What is there to cover anyways?"

Karina grabs the older woman's wrists and pushes them down. Jieun struggles against her, but she doesn't stand a chance. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment as she's now kneeling topless on the floor, the four girls around her.

"What is this supposed to be?"

Karina runs a hand over Jieun's tits, after Yujin and Yeji both took one of Jieun's hands.

"You're older than me, unnie."

Yujin perfectly mimicks that concerned tone.

"But you have nothing to show off."

Jieun would hang her head in shame, if it wasn't for Karina's hand in her hair. She was always a little insecure about her size. Most of the other idols and actresses have at least something. But she always felt like she wouldn't even need to wear a bra.

"I really don't have a clue to why you're so popular."

Karina's voice in her ear makes Jieun shiver.

"You don't even have tits."

"Her fans are probably all girls."

Yeji's comment makes Karina nod her head in understanding.

"I guess so."

She pulls at Jieun's hair again, making her look up at her.

"Look at this."

With her other hand, Karina grabs the hem of her black top and pulls it upwards. She isn't wearing a bra either. Her tits basically spring free, after the restricting top is gone.

"Jealous?"

A wicked smile plays around her lips.

Before Jieun can answer, Karina leans down, covering her face with her chest.

"Why don't you be as kind to me as you were to Irene, unnie?"

A tug at her hair makes Jieun understand that it wasn't a question. Karina isn't waiting for an answer.

Jieun closes her eyes once more and carefully sticks out her tongue. She can't believe she already had her mouth on Irene's feet. And now she has to do it with Karina's tits too?

She feels someone pulling her dress off even further, but she can't resist. She diligently licks every spot on Karina's tits that she can find, hoping for a quick end. When Karina pulls away a little, she guides Jieun towards her nipples. The older woman takes one of them into her mouth, sucking on it for a while, before focusing on the other one.

"Damn, have you done this before?"

Karina sighs, visibly satisfied.

Still occupied with the younger girl's tits, Jieun doesn't respond. But she almost yelps in surprise, when she feels someone's hand slip inside her dress. Her panties get pushed to the side. Jieun suddenly feels a little hotter than before. A weird sense of anticipation rushes through her for a moment. She feels a finger brush against her folds.

"Here you go, unnie."

Jieun hears Yujin's voice. But it seems like the words weren't directed at her. The finger quickly gets replaced by something else. Something harder and slightly colder. Jieun feels it pushing against her folds, slowly penetrating her pussy. It's size makes her moan into Karina's tits as her walls stretch around the mysterious object.

It takes a her a moment to figure out what it could be.

"Oh god."

She sighs, her voice muffled by Karina, who makes her suck on her nipples once more. While she's coating them in her spit, she feels the dildo push further into her. Is that the huge black one from one of the boxes? She can't tell, but it certainly feels like it. Just when she's about beg for them to not push it all the way inside of her, she hears Irene's voice.

"Jieun, look at me."

Karina lets go off her and moves back a little. Jieun opens her eyes. She's about to glance down at herself, when she sees Irene. The oldest is still sitting seemingly relaxed on the couch. But something has changed. Jieun recognizes the whip she is holding. The one she found earlier. But that's not the only thing that changed. Her eyes grow wide when she takes a closer look at Irene's lap.

"W...What is that?"

"I'm sure you know what it is."

Irene moves her free hand down. She looks at Jieun, while teasingly stroking the strap on she is wearing.

"Why don't you get your pretty lips over here and give it a lick?"

"I...I thought you'd let me go after-"

"Let you go?"

Irene has trouble holding back her laughter.

"We haven't finished your lesson yet. And the way you're behaving right now tells me we might be here all night."

"All night? No, I can't. I have to go home and-"

"You look so pretty here, unnie."

Yeji interrupts her and shows Jieun her phone screen. She recognizes herself. On her knees. Her lips wrapped around Irene's toes.

For a moment, Jieun feels like her heart stopped beating. For a moment, she wonders if she should just leave now. Let them publish the photos. She could go to a remote place where no one would find her. The humiliation would be huge. But it would be better than this. Right?

Jieun glances at herself in the picture once more. She takes a deep breath and leans forward. Sticking her tongue out, she places it on the silicon tip of Irene's blue strap on.

"Good girl."

Irene purrs, making Jieun close her eyes. She slowly drags her tongue along the length of the dildo, until it reaches the base. She's still very aware of the other plastic object, which is still inside of her. But no one has moved it for a while now. So maybe it won't be too bad?

Jieun keeps her tongue glued to the silicon and soon wraps her lips around it as well. It takes her a couple of moments, but eventually she is able to imagine herself with a really handsome man. Of course it doesn't feel the same. But it might make it easier. She pretends to really like him. He is very attractive. His cock tastes amazing as her lips glide up and down his shaft. He showers her with praises. How beautiful she is. How good her lips feel. How skillful she is with her tongue. When Irene takes a hold of the back of Jieun's neck, she pretends she is the man she's sucking off. The older woman pushes her head further down, making her take more of the dildo.

As Jieun gets more and more into it, the three keep watching her for a while. But eventually, Karina and Yeji walk over the two boxes next to the bed. Yujin can't help herself though. One hand gives her breasts small squeezes through her own top, while her other hand has slipped past the waistband of her pants.

"Come on, you can do better."

Irene's voice seems sweet as she pushes Jieun's hair out of the way.

"Make it all wet. For your sake."

Jieun barely registers her words, already too deep into her own fantasy. But the further Irene pushes her head down, the sloppier her blowjob becomes. Soon, Jieun is taking the whole dildo. It barely grazes the back of her mouth everytime her lips kiss its base. Yujin has now taken her leather pants off, her panties are lying next to her. She can't look away as she watches Jieun sucking cock. Two of her fingers are buried inside of her.

Meanwhile, both Karina and Yeji have each put on a strap on as well. Karina's is larger than Yeji's and Irene's with Yeji's being the smallest of the three. In addition to that, Karina took out a pair of nipple clamps from one of the boxes, while Yeji is holding a red rope.

"You know what? Why don't you help your dongsaeng out? Looks like she needs a little help."

Jieun's fantasy vanishes as Irene pulls her off her strap on. The younger woman glances at Yujin, who is leaning against the backrest of the couch, cute moans leaving her lips. Jieun had never had sex with another woman before. She's never tasted someone else's pussy. For a moment, she thinks about declining. But the threat of the pictures don't give her much of a choice.

"Do it. Eat her out like it's your last meal."

Irene's words finally make Jieun move. When she does, she remembers the dildo inside of her. She lets out an involuntary moan. She's been stretched out for a couple of minutes now. Her pussy already got used to it. But now that she's moving, it seems to reposition itself inside of her.

Yujin moves her hand away when Jieun leans in. Her breath hitches as the older woman places her lips on her pussy. Jieun tries to mimick the motions from when she herself got eaten out in the past. She takes it slow at first. Licking Yujin's folds, inserting her tongue into her cunt, sucking at her clit. She keeps alternating between all these options, slowly turning Yujin into a moaning mess. Maybe if she made her cum, she'd have a chance to leave? Jieun is doubtful, but all she can do is hope.

She focuses on pleasuring Yujin, truly trying to make her orgasm. The younger girl starts to push Jieun's head further into her core, trying to get even more of her tongue inside of her. Meanwhile, Yeji has handed the rope to Irene, who is now kneeling behind Jieun. Before she can react, Yeji takes a hold of her wrists once more. Jieun instinctively struggles against her grip. But Yeji is too strong for her. And Yujin pushing her further into her pussy doesn't help at all. She can feel how Irene starts to tie her hands together with the rope. At the same time, Karina has moved to Jieun's left. She reaches underneath her head.

Jieun almost screams at the unexpected pang of pain. Karina has put one end of the metallic nipple clamps onto her left nipple. Jieun almost sees stars, but tries to concentrate on Yujin. If she endures all of that without complaint, they might let her go sooner. Karina now attaches the other end, which is connected with the left one by a small metal chain, to Jieun's right nipple. This time, she's prepared for it. It still hurts, but she can keep it under control.

"Unnie."

Yujin whines. The scene in front of her and Jieun's work brings her closer to her orgasm. She bucks her hips forward, her grip on Jieun's head tightening.

"Oh, damn!"

She cries out as Jieun makes her climax. Her juices spill out of her, partially staining Jieun's face. The older girl is about to wipe it off, when she remembers that her hands are tied behind her back.

"I hope you can take this well."

Irene's cold voice suddenly rings in her ear. Jieun feels how something pokes her rear entrance.

"Wait! I never-"

Too late. Irene is already pushing forward, the strap on slowly disappearing into Jieun's puckered hole. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. The nipple clamps, the dildo inside her pussy and the dildo inside her ass overstimulate her. She's never felt like this before. So full. So...So turned on. She can't really explain it. Mere minutes ago, she never thought she'd ever eat another woman out. She was disgusted by the thought of having to worship Irene's feet. But here she is now. The first time someone takes her ass and Jieun can't do anything but moan out. It's almost like her body is betraying her. Her mind is still fighting this. She's ashamed. But at the same time, her body is starting to welcome all of this. It welcomes every thrust of Irene's dildo.

Surprisingly, it doesn't take her that long to get accustomed to it. Just when Irene is about to fuck her properly, Yeji turns Jieun's head towards her. Her mouth lands on her strap on and Jieun instinctively lets it part her lips. Moments later, her mouth, her pussy and her ass are all filled with dildos. She has never felt like this before. She never even dreamed of this. But for some reason, her punishment is turning into something special. Something good. Unconsciously, Jieun begins to ride the dildo inside of her. The friction which is caused by that and Irene's strap on makes her eyes roll to the back of her head. She does her best to keep sucking off Yeji, her tongue swirling around the plastic tip, whenever the dildo threatens to slip out of her mouth. Now she doesn't mind being tied up. Jieun starts to enjoy the attention. It's almost like all the pleasure and degradation has changed her mind. She isn't bothered by Karina occasionally tugging at the chain between the nipple clamps, making her nipples hurt even more.

"You think, if I keep doing that, you might have a chance of going up a bra size?"

She isn't bothered by Karina's words. And she still isn't bothered when Karina starts pulling harder, actually stretching her tits a little.

"Maybe then it's worth it for you to wear a bra. The smallest size of course."

She isn't bothered by Karina's degrading tone. And Jieun definitely isn't bothered by Irene slowly picking up the pace.

The longer her holes are filled, the more she falls in love with the feeling. At some point, Yeji and Karina change position. Now, Jieun is sucking on Karina's strap on. But instead of just tugging at the nipple clamps, Yeji stole the whip from Irene. She first tries out the new toy on Jieun's ass cheeks. It doesn't hurt her much. The pleasure is almost too much for her to feel any pain at all. But soon her cheeks are covered with red marks. Once she's satisfied, Yeji moves onto Jieun's tits. She uses the whip on them as well. This time, it definitely hurts more. Jieun occasionally lets out a yelp around Karina's dildo, whenever Yeji hits her a little harder.

"I want to ruin her too, unnie."

Yujin's whine makes Irene come to a hold. Jieun sighs in disappointment as some of the pleasure leaves her body. When Irene pulls out, her ass feels so empty. The unsatisfying feeling almost starts to drive her wild. By now, Jieun has started to get used to being filled completely.

"Please..."

She tries to talk with Karina's dildo in her mouth.

"Please use my ass."

Irene smirks at her words. She knew that Jieun wouldn't last much longer. She once heard her moan inside her dressing room at an award show maybe one or two years ago. Since that moment, she knew that Jieun had the potential to be a slut. She knew that this would be the best way for everyone. Perfect to pressure Jieun into taking a backseat, while the other girl's popularity could skyrocket. And also just over all beautiful to see Jieun slowly break down. Slowly succumbing to this guilty pleasure.

"Let's move her to the bed."

Moments later, Jieun is straddling Karina's lap, her strap on angled at the older woman's cunt. When she sinks down on it, a relieved sigh leaves Jieun's lips. Another one soon follows, when she feels Yujin slowly push her new dildo into her ass. She already feels full again. The two fake cocks inside of her make her head spin. When she starts to moan, Jieun quickly gets silenced by not one, but two dildos filling her mouth. She does her best to give them both equal attention. Her tongue aims for every part of their dildos it can reach. Her lips glide along both shafts.

Jieun can feel the chain between the nipple clamps hit her stomach as Yujin increases the pace. In return, Jieun rides Karina's dildo even faster. She really needs to feel that friction between the two strap ons. It just feels amazing. It's almost impossible for her to describe this feeling.

"What a good slut you are."

Irene caresses Jieun's bulging cheek.

At the beginning, Jieun would've felt disgust after hearing those words. But now she's silently begging Irene for another compliment. She leans her head into her hand as much as possible.

"You're liking it now, do you?"

Jieun is unable to nod her head, but her eyes say everything.

She's already forgotten all about the pictures, when the four of them move her to the sex swing. She is barely moving by now. They've successfully turned her into a pleasure addicted toy. Once they're all in position, Irene pushes her dildo into her ass once more. It's still wet with Jieun's saliva. It feels perfect inside of her. Every one of Irene's thrust makes the swing move. Karina is now standing in front of her. Whenever Irene bottoms out inside her ass, Jieun gets pushed onto Karina's dildo. She does her best to suck on it, before Irene moves back again. It only takes a couple of thrust from Irene, until the three of them have found the perfect rhythm.

Both Yujin and Yeji have taken a break from punishing Jieun. They're both lying on the couch, Yeji on top of Yujin. They're enjoying each other, while eating each other out. Their moans sync with Jieun's as she gets basically spit roasted by Irene and Karina.

There really seems to be no end in sight for Jieun. She doesn't know what time it is. Curtains are covering the windows, not letting any light inside the room. Is it morning already? It doesn't matter. Her body is completely worn out, completely used. But the four women don't stop using her. She's now lying back on the bed again. Her hands are still tied behind her back, but a couple of minutes ago, Karina tied her feet together as well. So now Jieun can't move at all. She feels like she isn't even inside her own body anymore. It's like she is watching a movie. But only small parts of it.

"Please let me cum."

She whines as Irene drives her towards the edge, just so she can deny her her orgasm again. And because her limbs are tied, Jieun can't do anything about it. She can only lie on her stomach, her hands on her back, waiting for Irene to start moving again. But Irene has other plans.

"You still have one more foot to go."

Jieun looks at Yujin's right foot. The younger girl is sitting at the head of the bed. The left one has already been cleaned by Jieun. And now, she has to clean the right one too, before Irene starts to fuck her again.

Jieun starts by taking one of Yujin's toes into her mouth. She slowly sucks on it, still not really accustomed to the feeling. But when she suddenly feels the leather pieces of the whip sliding teasingly over her ass cheeks, she quickens her pace.

It's too late though. Irene wasn't satisfied. The whip cracks and a second later, Jieun's right cheek starts to burn.

"Unnie."

She whines, unable to hide her pain. But she quickly moves onto the next toe. Another hit from the whip and both her cheeks hurt. Irene is just starting to enjoy herself. No matter how quick or thorough Jieun is, she feels the whip hit her ass every couple of seconds. She knows Irene won't stop, until she completely cleaned Yujin's feet.

A couple of minutes later, or maybe even an hour later, Jieun has completely lost her sense for time, she finds herself being carried by Yeji and Karina. Yeji is standing behind her, lifting her up and down, her cock sliding in and out of Jieun's ass. Which also means, Jieun is forced to take Karina's strap on as well. Her pussy and her ass are getting stretched out at the same time. She's eye to eye level with Karina, who keeps degrading her.

"Have you ever thought of just getting implants?"

"I...No. I-Oh, god! I haven't."

"Trust me you should. Your fans would appreciate it."

Karina gives her a wicked smirk, knowing full well that that would never happen. Even if Jieun would want to do that, the company would say no.

"Of course everyone would know your tits are fake. But who cares, right? At least you'd look less pathetic."

"Maybe work on your ass little more too."

Yeji speaks up from behind, her dildo still stretching out Jieun's puckered hole.

"You could put on the tightest dress and no one would see a single curve on your body."

Jieun sighs and whines in protest in their arms, trying to defend herself. She's completely fine with being used. She's fine with all four of them ruining all her holes. But the degradation still gets to her.

"I...I thought you wanted me to get less popular."

"Oh, you think because of fake tits you're gonna be more popular?"

Karina laughs at her face, while Jieun can only bite her lip, trying to hold back an orgasm. She was so desperate for one earlier. But now she doesn't dare to climax, while Karina and Yeji are basically body shaming her.

"No way. You'd lose all your real fans and only horny guys would jerk off to you."

"I'd love to see that."

Yeji groans into Jieun's ear. The older woman is small and light, but eventually even she becomes too heavy.

"The only thing you have going for you are your tight holes."

"Maybe that's what you should start selling, instead of music. What do you think?"

Karina's mocking smile makes Jieun turn her head away. But it's already too late. With an embarrassed whine leaving her lips, she orgasms hard. Her pussy clenches onto Karina's dildo, her walls tightening further and further. Her body shakes in their arms.

"Pathetic."

After all four of them put their dildos inside of her for the first time, she started to lose control. Parts of her memories don't really connect together. She remembers being bent over the sink inside the bathroom, someone using her pussy like a fleshlight. A minute later, she's sitting on the sex swing with both Yeji and Yujin trusting their strap ons into Jieun's used pussy. All memories of the night mix together into one blur. To Jieun nothing makes sense anymore. The four of them seem to have endless stamina.

In the end, Jieun finally wakes up from a deep sleep. She gets scared when she realizes she can't move. She's lying on a bed, staring at the ceiling. Her arms are tied together, but not behind her back. They're placed above her stomach. Her ankles are tied together as well. But with enough room for easy access to her pussy.

Jieun hears the same noise that seems to have woken her up. She slightly lifts her head and immediately lets it fall back onto the mattress. Shame colours her cheeks, just like the night before.

"Jieun-ssi."

Her manager calls her name softly. The four girls must've left while she was passed out. She is alone in the room, her manager standing in the doorframe. When she lifts her head again, Jieun notices his phone in his hand. He definitely took pictures of her. But now, his eyes are glued to the wide open hole between her legs. Her body is still experiencing the aftermath of her punishment.

"I hope you don't mind if I just..."

He doesn't finish his sentence. Instead, he lowers his phone and starts to unbuckle his belt. Jieun wants to say something, but quickly notices that someone stuffed her mouth with her own panties.

When her manager lets his pants drop to the floor, Jieun finally understands the message. Her lesson isn't over yet. And it never will be.

---------

Hi, everyone!

I hope you enjoyed the story. It was a little harder to write, because I've never written something like this before.

I got feedback on the other two fics before this one, specifically mentioning that some parts feel rushed and aren't connected perfectly. I'd love to use my lack of sleep as an excuse, but that wouldn't be fair to you guys. In this fic, I've tried my best to correct my mistakes from before, but I also feel like slightly rushed scenes and abruptly cut off scenes actually fit IU's experience here.

I'll try to get on top of the current problem as best as I can. But from now on, I'll prioritize quality over the schedule, which means, I might push the release dates of the other two stories a couple of days back. I hope that's okay with you guys. I'm sure you'd rather read a top tier fic a day or two later, instead of reading a sloppily written story on time. I'll let you know on Saturday, if I'm unable to post the next story on Sunday. It shouldn't take me longer than one or two extra days anyway.

I apologize for the inconvenience.

Have a great day and stay healthy!

[queers-gambit]

Curiosity Killed The Cat

prompt: after rescuing you from kidnappers, you overhear your boyfriend-turned-savior complain about how clingy you've become.

pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Marvel

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 5.1k+

note: author wants things out of her drafts! also don't take this fic too seriously, it's not much at all - just me writing for the fuck of it until i'm ready to focus on my bigger projects.

warnings: modern AU, Mafia AU, obvious cursing, small hurt and comfort, brief depiction of physical violence and self-destruction in the form of: loss of appetite, lack of sleep, other symptoms of depression. NOT edited! author is ashamed because she knows she can give you something better but oh well.

Your feet planted, jarring you to a halt the moment you heard your name in a conversation you were not apart of.

You heard the hammering of your heart, echoing beats of your blood pumping with harrowing desperation. Hands turned cold and clammy, sweat breaking out on your brow and then freezing, feeling as if your throat had swollen to a new restriction and you were anchored in you in place.

Rooted.

But for now, all you could identify was the paralyzing anxiety that anchored you to your spot and made your heartbeat thunder in your ears. You stood outside the lounge, unable to comprehend relevant thought; still listening to low, docile tones continue their conversation, but you couldn't hear real words.

You were stunned. Panicked, confused, hurt - so very hurt. That seemed to register, too; you were really, really hurt.

This was perhaps why curiosity killed the cat.

You reprimanded yourself for listening in - transporting back to childhood during all the times your parents would scold you for eavesdropping. You knew it was wrong, you knew this was a private conversation meant to be shared between trusting confidants, but you couldn't help it - you heard your name and stopped. It was natural, right? To feel curious regarding a conversation seemingly about you that you, yourself, was not apart of?

Curiosity, indeed.

Blinking rapidly, you remembered the only other time you felt such mounting, pressurized fear, and while it might be dramatic, the only other time you could remember this level of anxiety was from about two months ago...

"Yes, baby, I got the bacon."

"And the jalapeños?"

"Uh-huh, the biggest they had."

"Cream cheese?"

"Do you know who you're talking to?" You laughed into the phone. "I'm a professional housewife by now, you can relax. I got all you needed for your fancy little dinner experiment."

Bucky laughed down the phone, "Oh, please, like I didn't see you salivating when we watched the segment on Top Chef."

"Hush," you laughed, too. "I'm leaving the store now," you told him, pushing out of the heavy glass doors, "and should be home in, like, 10 minutes?"

"Lemme pick you up."

"I have legs to walk with, so, no thank you."

He sighed, "Well, I'll open the wine to let it breathe. Red's still good?"

"Let's do a white tonight, please."

"Good deal," he mused softly. "Hey, I was thinking earlier - "

"Hang on," you pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing. There's just a van slowing down, I don't want to get hit," you chuckled some, looking up and down the street before crossing. "Sorry, so, what were you thinking?"

"We haven't been to Paris in months."

You smirked, "I'm sure our plants in the apartment are dead by now."

Bucky laughed, "Oh, I am, too. But, look, how 'bout it, Peach? You, me, all the croissants we can consume this weekend. I'll take Monday and Tuesday off, we can leave tomorrow night."

"Oh, that sounds nice," you moaned. "Paris in the spring? Baby, that's so dreamy!"

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a hell yes," you grinned. "Do you know the weather?"

"Supposed to be nice and sunny, not too warm or cold. Figured this would be ideal," he chuckled. "But does the weather matter if we're in bed the whole time?"

"No, we're not wasting our time!" You laughed. "We're gonna go do shit, okay? Stereotypical tourist-couple shit."

"I'll bring the camera."

"And I was hoping we could have dinner at that little place we love?"

"I wouldn't take you anywhere else," he mused.

"I think it's - FUCK!" Bucky froze when he heard the screeching of tires; a van coming up to a skidding halt, flurry of voices all yelling but he heard yours clearly. "No, no, no, hey, hey, what the hell's happening? Hey! What's this - hey, hey! Don't touch me! Ow, shit! No! Hey! Fuck's sake - oh, my God! Ow! Hey!"

"Baby!? Peach! Hey! The fuck's going on!?"

There was a thudding over the phone, and Bucky listened to more struggling - more fidgeting and fighting - and then the slamming of a car door. Still calling your name, Bucky heard a scrape over the line before a different voice answered your phone, "James Barnes. On behalf of HYDRA, you're overdue on your payment and we warned you there would be consequences. Deliver the full amount of 17 million - "

"It's 15," he growled.

"Two million more for the inconvenience of stalking your woman."

"If you even so much as touch her, I swear to God - "

"17 million at midnight, at the pier, or every minute you're late, she'll receive the brunt end of our frustration."

"Don't hurt her - "

"Midnight, Mr. Barnes, at the pier - you know where. Don't be late, she looks like she won't last long."

The line went dead after he heard your screech of pain, confusion, and fear. The moment the line cut, he dropped his phone and slowly lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, shock coloring his system. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, quite the opposite - but he and his men had a plan in motion to take out HYDRA, their org's competition, and this was totally against all they anticipated. After a minute to sit in his own worry, Bucky jumped to his feet, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and two handguns; holstering them both before shrugging his suit jacket on.

He made every phone call he could, gathering the men he trusted most to (one of) his warehouse(s).

For hours, you were strung up by your wrists in a joint-pulling position while the Brooklyn Mafia formulated a plan of attack. It was the most pain you've ever known, but then the abuse started and you were blinded by this new pain. You had bruises most places, cuts that wept blood; scars that would never heal, wounds that wouldn't ever close. You were delirious, miserable, confused, just dazed and confused; praying to a God who didn't listen.

"Oh, look at that," your captor mocked, holding a thick-bladed hunting knife in hand, "it's one minute til midnight, and I don't see your loverboy anywhere."

You sniffled, unable to respond.

He stared out the lone window, tisking and narrating, "Nope, I see not a soul - and with how protective he is over you, you'd think he'd want to ensure your safety. Not leave it to chance, huh?"

You whimpered as the clock struck midnight, your heart hammering in heavy-hung worry. You had tears in your eyes, heart nearly beating out of your chest, feeling incredibly nauseous. The desire to scream never lessened, just fearing what was to come; the men in the room making you fear for the state of your life, their knuckles cracking. You only begged, "Please. Don't."

The main captor laughed, "You can do better than that! C'mon, give me the satisfaction of tellin' ol' James you begged for mercy - but it wasn't enough to sway me. I'll lie, for sure, and say it happened but it will be so much sweeter if you actually do it."

"Please," you shook your head, avoiding eye contact. "Just don't do this, please."

"Oh, honey," he mocked, "it's not our fault he's late. Lads! Have at her, but leave her face for now - she's still real pretty."

You listened as he gave commands in Russian, understanding after the years at Bucky's side; whimpering when the first blow landed to your gut and knocked the wind out of you. The minutes drug by and you felt your resolve crumbling, heart still hammering to a never-before-felt speed that made it feel as if it were jumping out of your very body at every single pulse point. You struggled in your restraints, but it was futile by how tight you were bound; unable to protect yourself.

At 12:03 am, the doors blew open in a resounding blast; concrete crumbling and sprinkling the floor. You cried out as the smoke choked you, coughing through the haze; only barely able to make out certain figures to know Bucky had brought his best men. However, despite the sting to your eyes from the swirling dust and smoke, you saw a lone man stalk through the blasted wall, through the fray, and straight up to you.

"Bu-Bucky!" You choked in relief as he reached to untie your feet first. You dangled for only a moment as his metal prosthetic ripped off whatever held your wrists to the torture contraption. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bucky, holy shit, baby, please, please, please," you rambled as he freed you and instantly caught you on his broad shoulders.

"I got you, Peach, I'm here, I've got you," he promised in your ear, hoisting your legs around his waist so they latched and then wrapping his arms around you securely. "Don't let go and don't look up, okay? Hear me, Peach?"

You nodded into his neck, only able to cry.

Bucky jolted and jerked slightly as he moved through the fight again, but not a minute later, you were stepping outside into the sobering, brisk spring air. This was the moment you understood how dangerous and fleeting life with Bucky could be, making a promise to yourself that if he says take the car, you'll take the fucking car.

And now, here you were, outside the high-rise apartment's lounge (which was just a converted bedroom), listening to your boyfriend complain about you some 2 months after the whole fiasco. HYDRA had been all but wiped out, and in the weeks since, Bucky's men had gone on smaller missions to eradicate the HYDRA members they heard rumor of being local. Yet you didn't feel safe, yet.

You didn't feel safe if you weren't around Bucky.

Everything made you jump: the beep of the done-dryer, that spritz of the automatic fragrance mister in the bathroom, the "duh-dunnn" of a loaded-up Netflix. Keys jingling, car horns, the barking of the dog in the apartment a floor below you... Everything.

Being around Bucky was just like holding a safety blanket. He would always protect you, and for about a week after your rescue, he laid in bed and around the home with you; being lazy; time off work to simply hold you and assure you were safe. Safe in his arms. Safe in his embrace, his presence.

So now... To hear this... You were devastated.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, it just sort of happened. It was still earlier in the morning, but Bucky hadn't been in bed beside you and based on the feel of the sheets, his body hadn't been there in a while. So, you made some coffee and then ventured around the home in search of your lover; coming upon the lounge and hearing voices from within.

You knew it was common for Steve Rogers and / or Sam Wilson to stay late or visit early, so, you weren't shocked by that, but did falter in announcing yourself when you heard Sam ask how you were doing since the kidnapping. He used your name specifically, making Bucky sigh, and for your curiosity to peak.

"She's different, man."

"How so?" Sam wondered.

"She doesn't like being without me now," he chuckled without humor. "I'm serious, she won't go to the gym until I do, waits to have meals together, won't leave the house if I'm out, and," he scoffed to himself, "you can forget going to the grocery store or anything - she's even stopped going to work - "

"You told her to stop working, like, two years ago when y'all first moved-in together," Sam deadpanned.

"I know," Bucky shrugged, "but it feels tenfold now that she's so reclusive."

"It's normal," Steve sighed gently.

"Yeah? Is it normal that I can't even go take a shit without promising her I'll be right back?" Bucky snapped in exasperation. "It's that bad, she's that fucking clingy, man. I go in the kitchen to make dinner, she's in there 30 seconds later to 'help' me. I take a shower, she finds a reason to linger in the bedroom, but that was better than before, when she wouldn't even shower by herself. It's just a lot, she's everywhere I look. I'm starting to find new reasons not to come home, man, she's always fucking here - and when I walk in the door, she's on me. I need to fucking breathe, but I can't tell her to stop, she'll get her feelings hurt and then I'm the bad guy."

"Man," Steve laughed, "you can't be the bad guy if you go to her in a calm and collected manner, but it's only been two months. She's still recovering."

"Exactly why if I say anything, no matter how calm and collected, I'm the bad guy. I get she's hurting and tryna recover, but Goddamn, does she have to be in every room I'm in? Do everything with me? How do I tell my traumatized girlfriend to back off? Let me breathe?"

Sam laughed, "You don't! You just said it - she's traumatized! Cut the girl some slack, she's got a lot to fuckin' deal with!"

"I'm not negating from that fact," Bucky argued, "I'm just trying to say, the way she's clinging onto me like she can't function without me is just grating at my nerves. I just need to breathe and recharge, but I can't tell her that - fuck's sake."

"Buck," Steve smirked, "you're worried Peach isn't gonna listen, but that's her literal superpower. Just communicate, she can't read your mind, but you need to remember how traumatic all of that was for her to experience - she's scarred from that kidnapping, man. So, sure, you need to recharge, but she needs the support."

"Is it wrong to ask for a day here and there to do that? To recharge?" Bucky asked quietly.

"If you communicate, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for," Sam assured softly. "And whatever you do, don't tell her you think she's clingy. Chicks hate that, that word is, just, like, taboo or something. Real heavy, negative connotations."

"But she is," Bucky growled quietly, "'s like she's afraid to let go 'cause I'll disappear or something."

"Oh, noooo," Sam mocked, "I'm Bucky and my girlfriend loves me too much and trusts me too much and actually feels safe and dependent on me too much - ohhh noooo!"

There was a thump, Sam's cried, "Ow!", and Bucky telling him to shut up. You slowly backed away from the door, trying to settle your breathing as you made your escape down the hall. When back in the kitchen, you whimpered and let the first tears fall... The first of many you shed in the hour it took you to prepare breakfast for everyone; doing your best to eat as you cooked so you didn't have to linger around the men. You took Bucky's words to heart, and maybe you were too sensitive, maybe you should venture outside again.

So, when the lads came out, you set the table without making eye contact with any of them. "Here," you directed, setting the pancakes down, "I made breakfast, come eat, it's still hot."

"Wow," Sam smiled brightly, "thanks, Peach!"

You hummed, still avoiding their eyes as you just set the abundance of food to the table. "You... Cooked without me?" Bucky asked you with skepticism.

"Mhm," you hummed, setting the coffee pot down to a hot pad, "and I'm going out shopping with Nat, so, eat up, lads, I'll do the dishes when I get home. Love you, boys, bye," you waved them off, snatching your keys and then moving to the door to stuff your feet into your sneakers.

"Woah, woah, woah," Bucky left the table, approaching you urgently, "hey, what do you mean? You're goin' out?"

"Yep, figured I've stayed in too long, might as well get out and remember life doesn't stop just 'cause I'm sad."

"Peach - "

"I'll see you when I get home, Buck, okay?" You mumbled, slinging your purse on your shoulder.

"Well, here, here, hey, wait, hang on," he pulled his wallet out, handing you over a wad of big bills. "Spend it all, okay? Have fun, call or text if you need me, yeah?"

"Sure."

Bucky leaned in to kiss you but you just opened the door, ready to leave. He frowned, watching you, barely managing to call a quick, "Love you!"

You didn't return the sentiment, feeling hallow and all too silly to return the affection. In your purse was your laptop, headphones, chargers, and whatever else, so, instead of meeting your friend, Natasha - being just a ruse to avoid Bucky - you started small and just went to the local café. You used to frequent it back in the day, but times were changed, and yet, they were all the happier to serve you the same as before. Getting cozy in the corner, you set up camp and ordered your favorite coffee basically every other hour - letting the day waste away as you caught up on work emails.

Might've wasted time on Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest. Got shopping done on Amazon. Browsed through Target's online selection. Checked out the sale items at Kate Spade. Perused Fenty Lingerie because you could.

Before you knew it, a message was coming in over your MacBook from Bucky, asking where you were - why had you turned your location off?

You packed up and with a to-go cup, made the short trek back home. When you got back, Bucky was pacing in the living room; staring at his phone and typing, then deleting, retyping, groaning, glancing up, typing again, then doing a double take. "Where've you been, Peach? Huh!?" Bucky demanded. "You're late!"

"Out with Nat," you eased.

He huffed through his nose, nodding slowly, "You have a nice time?"

"It was okay," you answered. "I'm gonna go to bed after I shower."

His brows furrowed, "I have a meeting tonight."

"I know."

"O...kay?" He let you go, wanting to ask why you didn't ask him to join like you had so often in the past few weeks.

And it didn't stop there, in fact, it got worse. When Bucky got home from his meeting, he was actually shocked to see you nestled in the bed; teetering on the edge of the shared space while snuggling a weighted body pillow.

When he tried to give you a snuggle, you stirred to life and pushed him back, muttering, "Too hot."

The following morning, he was relatively surprised to see you up and about before him; barely getting a word in before you were slipping out the door to go on a morning jog. He was confused by how all of a sudden, where you were once everywhere he looked, now, you were disappeared and distant and gone. You worked out alone, cooked alone - but always left him a plate, but long gone were the cute little sticky notes you left for him. You once haunted the apartment by never wanting to leave, and now, ghosted in and out of it on a daily basis.

You never bothered to go far from home. You liked hanging at the coffee shop and luckily, your job let you work from home most days, and the rare time you were due back in the office, it was only about a 20 minute walk. You got better at lying, couldn't even remember the last time you and Bucky had sex, and even now, the last time you had a meal together. You didn't text him about your day; where you once might've told him about an adorable dog you saw on the street, now, you only ever texted him if he asked a direct question.

Food lost appeal, your appetite vanished.

Sleep evaded you, plaguing you with nightmares when you did rest.

Interest dulled, passions were snuffed, and only fearful, confused anger remained. It showed in the way weight seemed to shift around your body, thinning; the lack of sleep creating dark rings and bags under your bloodshot eyes.

After two weeks of this, Bucky grew irritated and short with everyone around him. It reflected in his work, the way he spoke to everyone; even Steve and Sam getting the brunt end of his anger. Without you to assure him, Bucky was off his rocker; losing his cool; his patience stretched far too thin. So much so, the two mates approached an outside associate, Natasha Romanoff, after a particularly snappy meeting to plead for her to talk to Bucky.

"James," Nat greeted as she strode into his office without knocking.

"I know you're my oldest friend, but you don't have that privilege yet," he mused, never looking up.

"What?"

"Not knocking. What is it, Nat?"

"Just came to check on you, you know, like friends do."

"Hm," he chuckled without humor, "and what did Peach say to you?"

"About...?"

"Me."

"Nothing, I haven't gotten ahold of her for weeks."

Bucky paused, slowly lifting his head in confusion; brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm, straight line. "What?" He grit.

"Huh?" Nat wondered.

"She's been telling me that she's hanging out with you for the past two weeks," he revealed.

"Nope, not since the incident with HYDRA."

Bucky's (right) flesh hand crushed the pen in his grip, taking a long breath. "All right," he sighed, "so, why come today?"

"What's really going on, Buck?" She worried softly. "Is it really whatever's going on with Peach? You're this pissed off? What'd she even do?"

"She just..." He cut himself off with a long sigh. "It's nothing."

"Bucky," Nat gave a pointed look.

"She's just avoiding me," he muttered. "It's like she's barely home, almost like a ghost."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, and no," Bucky snipped, rolling his neck out. "I'm just worried about her now, she's never not communicated before."

"Something's bothering her," Nat shrugged. "She probably needs you right now, Buck."

"I can't do it all," he whispered. "I can't be who she wants and run this organization at the same time."

"She doesn't need that, she just needs you to be her partner," Natasha spoke softly. "She needs to feel loved and supported, and surely, she maybe felt weird about whatever you were projecting. Instead of taking it out on your men," she smirked, "why don't you just talk to her? 'Cause I hear you're bein' a more-than-usual asshole lately. You need to ease up or get laid, 'cause you're taking it out on good, loyal men, and that's entirely unfair."

"They can take it."

"Sure, but they shouldn't have to," Nat rolled her eyes. "Look, since you won't answer me, I'm assuming the sour mood is in regard to whatever relationship issues you have right now?"

"Sure," he tossed the pen away, opened a skinny drawer to his right and select an identical one.

"Bucky," she growled.

He sighed, "She's lying to me, Nat. Saying she's with you when she's not... Is this an affair? She's gone all the time now."

"No way," Nat laughed. "Baby girl doesn't have the energy to entertain anyone - let alone two men. You're just the exception."

"Why lie, then?"

"Maybe she didn't want you questioning her..."

"No shit."

"Well, did you get into a fight?"

"No."

"Any reason she doesn't want to be home?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "Not that I know of."

"You had to do something."

"Honest, I haven't. She was being all clingy, but then one day, a switch flipped."

Nat frowned, "You think... Your girlfriend is being clingy... Because she was kidnapped and beaten up... Because of your fucking job... And is probably scared...out of...her mind...? I get that correct?"

Bucky paused for a long moment, muttering, "Oh, my God."

"Yeah, you asshole. Think of it that way! She's afraid!" Natasha snapped. "And probably picked up on your energy, so, she made herself scarce."

"I didn't mean - "

"I don't care, go home, apologize to that sweet angel - she doesn't deserve this."

Bucky paused, "What is 'this' exactly?"

"James. Focus on the present - your woman. Go make this right. We all know you're this big, bad dude - but it's okay to be a little sensitive towards the woman who loves you without condition!"

Bucky relented, figuring the redheaded Russian mobster was right.

The entire drive home, Bucky considered the ways you had changed in the few, short weeks since he vented to Sam and Steve about your clinginess. You didn't take meals with him, didn't cook, work-out, or do anything you used to do together. Sex? Forget it. Dates? Nope. Cuddling? No, you're always 'too hot'. And when he thought about it, he remembers seeing the wads of cash he'd leave for you stuffed in his sock drawer - surely trying to make him think it was just another emergency fund he had hidden. You never spent his money, feeling humiliated by his choice of words.

Clingy...

You didn't text or call him when he was gone, you hadn't even so much as kissed him in what felt like ages... Well, more like you hadn't initiated any kisses...

His heart weighed in his chest as he realized he hadn't even so much as hugged you in days. You were rarely in the apartment together, and when you were, you were just silent and busy with chores. It was as if you operated on the exact opposite schedule as he did, went to new extents to avoid him, and his heart clenched in his chest.

When he got home, you were caught cooking in the kitchen - being obvious that you weren't expecting him. The door slammed and his baritone voice snapped, "Peach!"

You gulped, holding the sauce-covered wooden spoon to your chest. When he rounded around the corner, he found you and slowed down, sighing in relief. "What's wrong?" You worried in a timid tone.

He panted lightly, relaying, "Needed to find you."

"I'm here."

"I know," he relented, charging up to you and engulfing you in a tight, heavy hug. "I needed to talk to you, Peach," he whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"You. You're what's wrong."

"What the fuck does that - "

"No, no," he pulled back to stare down at you fondly, "I don't mean it like that, just that... You're struggling. I can see that. But you're not alone, I'm here with you, and I got a little caught up in my head when I realized someone was so very dependent on me - it fucking scared me. But then... Then you just shut yourself off and hid away from me, and oh, my God, it's so much worse, baby. Don't do that," he breathed, "okay? Don't ever shut me out - don't stop loving me, don't stop talking to me, don't give up on us. I can't read your mind, you can't read mine, it's not an excuse - but we understand better when we trust each other enough to communicate what's required. I'm so sorry I got caught up in myself, I didn't know what you needed - but I'm here now, I'm here - I'm not leaving you."

You collapsed into his chest, taking a shuddering breath.

"Don't ever stop talking to me, Peach," Bucky whispered, kissing the top of your head; keeping you close. "I'm so sorry, baby, if I - "

"If?" You snapped, pulling back to glare at him through your tears. "I heard you, Bucky. I heard you talking to Sam and Steve, and about how clingy I am."

"I was wrong," he insisted. "I was overwhelmed and tired and just stretched thin, the easiest thing to do is attack those closest to me, and that's you. It's not right, it's the worst I could do to you after all you've been through, and I'm so sorry. I was wrong, you're not the person to take this out on - and I'm so sorry, Peach."

You sighed, "I don't mean to be... I don't mean to cling - "

"Nah," he chuckled, caressing your cheek, "you cling as much as you want. Cling as tight as you want, baby, don't let me go. I'm sorry for what I said and the way it made you feel, it was wrong - so fucking wrong of me, and I see that. When you pulled away from me, I just... I couldn't think. It felt so wrong, and I knew it was my fault." He took your face in both palms, promising, "I'm so sorry, Peach."

You shrugged meekly, "It's okay."

"It's not."

"No, but apologizing is a step in the right direction."

He nodded, "What else can I do?"

"Nothing - "

"Peach."

You paused to think, smiling shyly, "Movie night?"

"Whatever my pretty girl wants," he nodded.

"Hmm... Get a bath with me?"

"All right... Sure, okay..."

"And face masks."

He sighed, "Okay."

"And mani-pedis."

"Baby."

"You said you were making it up to me, right?"

He smirked, "That's right... All right, yeah, sure, fine, we can..." He sighed again, "We can do all that, Peach, whatever you want."

"I just want you," you told him softly. "I didn't mean to be so clingy. I was just afraid... I felt afraid everyday, just so very unsure in this life. You're the only thing that makes sense to me, Buck, and when I heard you, I just... I guess I realized how dependent I'd been and wanted to give you space. Last thing I want is to smother you, to drive you away from me."

"Not ever gonna happen," he promised softly. "I just didn't handle it like I should've. I'm sorry, Peach, but I'm here now - for whatever you need. Want me to take a few days off, just be together? I'll arrange it. Want to get away for a bit? We can go."

"I just need you," you whispered. "Only you and I should be okay - I can be okay if I have you, but feeling like I lost you? Even a fraction? Buck... James, it was such a harrowing feeling, I wasn't sure what to do to move forward. So, I think I just panicked, shut down; thought if I could just get back to normal, you'd love me again..."

"I never stopped loving you," he swore, "I just had a bad lapse in my own judgement. Nothing against you, baby. Nothing."

You nodded again, letting him tuck you into his chest; perfectly snug under his chin as he coiled his arms around you. He let out a long sigh, his guilt swelling to new heights, but for that present moment, everything seemed okay.

Felt okay.

Appeared okay.

And you'd both do whatever it took to remain as okay as you possibly could.

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[abandonedandforgottentimes]

Many of the younger ccs speaking up about Wilbur's manipulation is INCREDIBLY concerning, and I don't think they'll be the last. I think it's also a big indication that it happened to Tommy too, and that he'll take a while to respond. People demanding an immediate response need to remember that he was likely a victim of it too, he just may not have been aware of it.

I mean, Wilbur's ADMITTED he relied on Tommy for his mental health when he was still a minor. That is NOT something adults should ever do and it has always been odd to me. It also makes it very hard for the minor involved to leave the friendship, since they see themselves as responsible for the older person. I don't think I need to really go into how unhealthy that sort of thing is, it isn't an uncommon occurrence and lot of people will have a better explanation than me. But it is something to keep in mind, that Tommy may feel responsible or have been groomed to excuse the behavior.

The library stream is another example of the manipulation, and I'm surprised no one is talking about it. Tommy literally talked about how uncomfortable he was at Wilbur's house. It was cold, he had no blanket, he didn't want to keep staying there, he would rather be out in public at night in a strange place. Then Wilbur just shows up out of nowhere and tells Tommy he's misremembering/being dramatic and pretty much shuts him up, gets him to stop talking shit about him. Everyone's exasperation with Tommy in the situation (being a minor alone and uncomfortable and uncertain of what to do, far from home with nowhere to go), helped Wilbur pull Tommy back in and convince him to go back to his house, especially since it was passed off as Wilbur being caring.

It was obvious to me during the stream that Tommy was telling the truth and Wilbur was the one lying, but I figured he was just being defensive because he didn't want all that online. Now we know that he had a LOT more to hide about his living situation that he didn't want being spilled, and manipulators/abusers don't tend to like it when someone goes and starts talking about the truth. They want to downplay it as much as possible, and Wilbur showing up in person to shut Tommy up and make fun of him for not wanting to stay with him, make it more lighthearted, is incredibly telling and I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone point that out.

There are so many other things I found odd throughout the years that finally have a proper explanation to them, but that's just a few examples. I'm not going to get too much further into it. Wilbur isn't who we should be focusing on, I just needed to get that out to move on from it.

I do think pointing out that Tommy has openly been manipulated is important because it may cause him to take a while to respond openly to all this while he processes. If Wilbur treated so many of his ex-friends badly it's safe to assume he did it to all of them, and we need to give everyone involved time to stop and think about the situation. A lot of people want Tommy to respond immediately, but he will need time to do that and it's only fair we give him the space to do that properly.

I also think it is so, so incredible that Shelby has given so many people the space and bravery to come forward. I believe there will be more people speaking up soon, they just need time. Support her and other victims!