#so i cant make like an Actual dinner
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#am i in self sabotage mode? maybe a little#i have too much to do man#i have 3 large assignments to finish by the weekend for my graduate program#plus a whole fuckin laundry list of things at work#i slept for like 5 hours last night and am on track for that or less tonight#i had a muffin for breakfast SO much coffee and an apple w/ pb when i got home from work#thats All ive had today#and i dont have food in my house bc fuck grocery shopping#so i cant make like an Actual dinner#i cld have some frozen broccoli ig???#but my gd hello fresh box isnt here yet so no real dinner#and its already 6pm which means if i even get my hello fresh i wont be eating til 8 at the earliest#and ofc since im desperately trying to plow through my final projects im not even thinking abt food#also i missed my meds yesterday and i do think that fucked me right up#i wan t a day OFFFF
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toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections
#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it#deltarune#kris dreemurr#maybe im looking too much into things but...#it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters#like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies”#the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster#i shit you not#like they called pranking... masc?? huh#can girls and others not get their silly on anymore??#also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised#like napstablook monster kid#god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner#but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me#i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then#they must be a guy to be relevant or smth#and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking)#ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus#it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why#i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot#i might come back to this who knows#wow ok rant over#for now
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cherik hallmark movie au send tweet
reading this roused a visceral reaction within me im so sorry if you had something wholesome in mind
#snap chats#one christmas all my grandma would do was watch hallmark christmas movies back to back while i was in the room#i like how i say 'one christmas' when i mean all of december like fuckin thats what december IS jackass it's christmas: the month#anyway. yeah sure fuck it why not. cherik hallmark movie au.#maybe charles works as a teacher at pietro/wanda/lorna's school and takes extra time to mentor the kids#and Incidentally maybe one of them asks charles what hes doing for christmas As Kids Do With Amicable Teachers#and charles has to confess Not Much since he's pretty estranged from his family + him and gaby are a bit rocky idk#he wont say THAT part why the hell your teacher gonna talk about his divorce. he dont even know he has a kid either thats fucked up Anyway#of course this leads to the Impromptu Invite to erik's house for the holidays. to which of course invites erik to go What.#Kids You Cant Just Invite Your Ethics Teacher For Christmas Dinner its too late. now they gotta start preparing#you have two weeks dad chop chop#bear in mind charles and erik probably kept interactions to a minimum. in this au I Fucking GUESS#so now they have to actually make an effort to know each other so dinner's not awkward as christ#blah blah blah they fall in love Happy Ending
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Do you have any plan to make some kind of bonus chapter or oneshot about marcille's perspective in little creature? It's not like I'm asking you for it ofc!! it's just that i think it'll be interesting to read, and especially since you had those tags about marcille after her fight/outburst with falin and how you couldn't add it to the fic because the fic is from falin's perspective
Probably not about anything that happens during a little creature, but maybe something before or after? Sometimes I do like to do "the other character thinking back to events while doing stuff in a sequel" oneshot type thing, but we'll see how it shakes out!
#asks#a little creature#i will say#Marcille was firmly in denial and just Not Thinking About Her Feelings#the dinner scene was the first crack in her self delusion but it was still there#then the last chapter was it finally shattering as she saw Falin kissing someone else and experienced Elf Shrimp Emotions#just insane intensity furor and jealousy#she was about to fucking blow up#and then the confrontation happens and shes literally in shambles#cant think everything hurts#just barely scraping enough braincells to thank kiki inbetween enormous hiccups and sobs that shake her entire body#sees laios. slaps him. collapses into his arms sobbing and apologizing again#he cant actually understand what shes saying through the blubbering but hes doing his best to comfort her#to be perfectly honest im not 100% she even has the space to process 'i have feelings for falin' in full clarity#the 'why did seeing her kissing someone else make me feel like i wanted to die or kill someone' doesnt like... click#not until she gets over the mess of 'how could she say that to me didnt i do enough'#'didnt i love her enough does she care so little for me that she cant even bother to think about how i feel'#'does she care so little for me that she doesnt know that i would die for her i HAVE died for her and killed for her'#'how could she not know that she was nothing less than my whole reason for living for so long'#... i guess thats what shes blubbering at laios but it just comes out as like#'howcouldnbwhebwsbebwbendoesbdhemotbbwkowbblblbllvlbl'#snotting into laios's shirt#its ok. she'll be ok. like laios has to carry her back to her room because she latched on and didn't let go until she literally like#cried herself to exhaustion and passed out.#but she'll be okay. after maybe another day of moping she finally has her White Woman Moment of looking at herself in the mirror#and admitting that she's in love with falin and has been for a while
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just found out I am NOT invited to the family thanksgiving or christmas get togethers at my mom's house this year..... the worst part of this is now I have to learn how to cook thanksgiving dinner. what the fuck do you do with a turkey.
#this is so funny though#i didnt like my mom's ugly cringe manipulative boyfriend and now i cant eat tofu turkey at her house with my siblings#its not actually funny#i am actually devastated and trying not to cry /srs /neg#but i need to think its funny or i'll lose my shit#my faggot ass is NOT welcome at family thanksgiving dinner#for reasons unrelated to being a faggot#diversity win!#your mom who kicked you out & chose some guy over you & told you your childhood trauma was your fault doesnt care youre a lesbian#how do i even cook a turkey#i can make green bean casserole and 3 kinds of pie and thats it#do they sell like. half a turkey? itll just be me & my grandpa & the beast#i've never even had thanksgiving turkey. just like turkey deli slices#i am spiraling :)
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forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always
#i dont even like yogurt...#god the food situation is so bad#so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.#i can do ONE.#i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work#so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it#at night when high and finally able to feel hunger#and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain#most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3#but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i#have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons....#i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it#but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it#have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks#so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again#cant win etc etc#augh. anyway. complaining over#disordered eating#chronic illness
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thinkbing about. him
#random thoughts#fnaf#rotating him in my mind like an orb or perhapps a microwavable tv dinner#love the idea of a character who for some reason has him in their house and does regular maintenance on him#someone who worked for fazbear fright and fucking. stole him#au where the place wasn't burned down and actually opened and some kid started working there and fucking took his ass#springtrap in my head is like. mostly an animal. running on instinct and ancient programming. only rarely lucid#the kid who took him oh my god. what if someone who was the sibling of one of the five missing kids stole him#and like. they know he's the man behind the slaughter and can remember him from when he was alive#and they take him and keep him running as like a form of torture. because fazbear fright was gonna be shut down and the animatronic#was gonna be destroyed or smth and they were like 'no you son of a bitch not yet'#and they can sometimes see the ghosts of the children and employees who died and henry. but like they're not done#they cant let go. not yet.#cant let him go to the beyond because that would be too merciful for a son of a bitch like him#but springtrap cant really understand whats happening and mostly just sees Some Guy keeping him running so most of his feelings#are positive#when he's semi lucid he tries to kill them#when he recognizes them from before he kind of shuts down#the range is 'friend!!!' to 'i am going to fucking murder you' to 'how did you do in pe today'#like this guy mostly isn't william afton. idk who he is but he isn't him most of the time#i imagine the springtrap suit is a unique model so its hard to get replacement parts for him so most of him is custom at this point#idk what they do with the bones. probably leave them alone for the most part out of fear of him passing on if they got rid of them#he smells like dirt and mildew and restroom deoderizer probably#i imagine their thoughts on him are 'i recognize this mostly isnt the man who killed my sibling so i dont want him to suffer'#'but also i cant handle the idea of even a little of the man who killed my sibling being able to stop suffering'#like this is william's idea of hell. complete depersonalization#they make his stay tolerable. decent maintenance. idk what kind of enrichment he needs#being kept in a basement away from regular social interaction is probably hell for any children's animatronic#so he loves when they come down for maintenance. probably rarely at first and then more frequently as they adjust themself to his presence#idk how he feels about maintenance. probably very used to the feeling of having a dude inside of him lmaooo
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My parents always manage to come visit at the worst time for me and I feel bad not being thrilled about seeing them
#but they never include me in their scheduled planning and expect to stay here#ive finally got them to get a hotel and they're pissed about that but im living in poverty#i have a mattress on the floor covered in ants and fruit flies in the kitchen#and maybe i don't want my elderly parents (not known for keeping their gracious opinions to themselves) staying here#also i wont have my parking space and my dad always makes some weird deal about me parking on the street#we got into it last time because i parked somewhere he didn't like and i was like oh ok well i pay for this car so I can actually park it#wherever i want#he was big mad he couldn't make me repark.#i dont have time to clean and they're going to comment on that#i have school again and wont have time to hang out and of course are going to guilt trip me#oh we came all the way out here to see you!!! you cant call of work and come to dinner?#🙄
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the lovestruck pack is the most fun ive had with sims in ages
#dating feels a lot more real#like i cant just pick a sim and go 'theres my wife!' i actually have to find someone suitable for my sim#my sim's first bf i was gonna come up with a reason to break them up#but he shows up on their fancy dinner date and throws a drink in her face 😭 it might be bc of the mean sims glitch but#honestly it was really fun lol#and i got to take them to counselling (which was so fun)#and then after they decided to work it out they had a hot date. and then he started yelling at her again 😭 (i think it was bc their dynamic#was unpredictable that time)#so anyway she broke up with him#(and got a confident moodlet for cutting him off!!! which i thought was so cute and accurate to how i imagined my sim would feel)#got a date off the dating app with someone perfect for her#who ended up actually being evil#so i was finding someone else but then i got that reality tv phonecall#so now im doing the 7 date thing#but im making them all blind dates because that seems like a more fun concept for a show#and after its done im gonna gather them all up and have her pick one#(or none-- but she did hit it off with bess sterling so 😭)
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Ugh right fine I'm doing a food log until I can fix whatever funk I'm in and it's uhh...not great lmao
#i was sick overnight but pretty much just liquid#so hopefully i got everything out of what i managed yesterday#have had an ice pole this morning (at least i know liquids arent a problem) and a biscuit but got too nauseus for more#thinking of trying to make like. a half assed peanutbutter milkshake at some point today just to sip gradually#bc 1. that sounds bangin and 2. calories fat protein if i can keep it down would be very very welcome atm#this is just. genuinely so bizare to me?#like. i do have aome issues with eating regularly but theyre generally to do with timing and prep and planning steps#not the actual physical act#if i cant be motivated by a cool snack then whats even left for me on this bitch of an earth asfhfkskdfj#payday on thursday tho. im hoping i can just take a walk and find something that looks tasty#maybe reset myself a bit#listen im not even thinking about my health im thinking about how its alfies birthday on saturday and i wanna take them for a nice dinner#this is time sensitive lmao
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🐮
#ok ok im gonna try to go to the gym today#i havent been able to make myself leave the house at all this week#and im feeling so bad about myself :((#im up earlier today and im gonna have breakfast calmly and then walk 45min to the gym#work out (which is the part i love lol) and then go to the store#bc that store has a special price for salmon today which makes me wanna go today skksksks#i havent had salmon in 10 months at least and even before that i havent had it in like a year#it is super fkn expensive lately so i cant at all afford it#but now it costs way less so i can actually afford it....#i just hope the store actually has it and that it isnt just 'sold out' :((((#if that's the case then thats how it is but oh it'd make me so sad#i havent had salmon for years 😭#it's one of my fav things to have for dinner :((((#ok anyway im gonna try to go to the gym today#it is a bit annoying that it will probably rain#im so sick of it raining constantly#i love the rain but when i cant afford taking the buss and have to walk everywhere it becomes a nuisance#having to walk for 45min and get fkn drenched and then have to go to an appt or exercise or smth it's so gross#but yeah... i just have to go anyway :<#can it stop raining now#also it is in the middle of june and we just stopped having warm weather???#global warming is scary bro#anyway i hope it gets warmer soon
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feeling sad :(
#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday#either cant come or said they would then bailed and like#some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice#if a crumb of that was reciprocated#idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends#and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle#and people still humour them so it's kind of like#idk#do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food#idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything#and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit#this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special#and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for#didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal#maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol#and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable#AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE
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we GOTTA stop repackaging outright gender essentialism and misogyny as cute '''''''''feminist'''''''''' jokes!
#i eat my girl dinner of a few crackers and a diet soda i give in to the feminine urge to text my ex and spend frivolously#then i justify it with teehee girl math cos everybody knows girls cant do math or be smart#i listen to the divine feminine reminding me that girls love pseudoscience and real knowledge is for men while girls get to Feel#and any girl who actually cares abt science is probably just faking for men and being a pickme!#btw women dont exist were all Girls forever#like we CANNOT keep advancing this idea that a.) there are magical differences between men and women#and b.) THOSE DIFFERENCES INCLUDE HOW WOMEN CANT DO MATH OR EVER BECOME ACTUAL ADULTS#be a good girl! dont think girl! be financially illiterate girl! eat badly girl! you need to be taken care of girl!#someone else needs to make your decisions for you girl!#terfs done touch this i hate u for real#rain speaking!#sorry i know i harp abt this a lot#but it is for real so distressing to see this shit getting so mainstream#ANYBODY REMEMBER THE 2010S! HOW DID WE GET HERE FROM THAT#like women who love femininity have always been around! im sorta one of them!#but this framing of it as being Innate To Girls is so fucking bad#and it used to be the sort of shit you just saw outright trad freaks parroting#and anyone who critiques the ubiquity of these 'jokes' is accused of being unable to take a joke
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#oh for fucks sake#if i have to listen to my shithead of a mother bitch and whine and moan about me being disabled one more fuckinG time i s2g#she's been going on for 20 mins abt how annoying it is that i had to go lie down for a bit bc i had a migraine and a pain flare up#which meant i guess that she didnt get to make dinner when she wanted to (i told her she could just eat w/o me like who cares)#so now she's on a rampage abt how inconvenient it is to her and how i ruin her schedule and her life all the time etc etc#and when i responded calmly w 'well what would u like me to do- snap my fingers and not be disabled anymore? u TOLD me to go lie down.'#she exploded and is like 'oh noOoo ofc not nothing is ever ur fault u just accidentally do these things'#bitch WHAT THINGS ?????#exist as disabled ??? be in so much pain i spend most of my life these days in bed ??? be unable to function to ur standards ????#do u Hear urself ??#now she's sitting on the couch pouting and fuming like a toddler bc i was in bed for 2 hours instead of 30 mins (bc too much pain to get up)#and throwing a tantrum like that is in any way normal or acceptable behaviour#'u always do this! but nooo u can do w/e u want cant u ?? u dont have to consider others!!'#ma'am...#a) no i dont have to consider others when it comes to taking care of myself and my debilitating illnesses. that's an insane thing to suggest#b) nobody told u u could not do w/e the fuck u wanted while i was out of commission. u just did this to have more to complain abt#c) ah yes bc i 'want' to be bedbound in excruciating pain. that was a choice i made. for funsies. for the bit.#whaT ?????#god someone save me im gonna lose my mind w this shit#not to mention she's also belligerently drunk so like. there's that also. cant have any proper convo bc of it (not that i wanna talk to her)#jesus fUcking chrisT#i gotta get out of here#this woman is so immensely hateful#ya sorry i ruined ur life by being born this way and now ur stuck 'putting up' w me and 'my shit' (<- actual things she has said many times)#fuuuuuck me.#anyway.#negative#ableism#verbal abuse#ask to tag
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been flicking between house and er and now i want the billy working at a hospital au's please
#i have no concrete thoughts and head canons just vibes#actually i do but i'm not typing all that out cos it rly is 75% vibes. and probably 25% medically incorrect. so i'll keep that to myself th#but like! good with kids! good under pressure! worked his ass off at medical school and it shows!#also i need max working there too but maybe in a different area and no one knows they're siblings#but then they'll get all /siblings bickering/ in the hallway over dumb shit#and every one's just like.... is that Legal ?#also. heather not working in the hospital but some other job with just as fucked hours#and they're housemates obvsly so every time they catch each other at home they're like#'gonna k myself. you?' 'gonna k myself. bye.' and immediately fuck off to bed or work#and okay. on one hand. billy knows he's not gods gift to this earth. his dads been telling him that his entire life#but. on the other hand. the only way he's made it this far in life is by making himself god's gift to this earth#so. it's rly hard to not be a cocky little shit at the start of his career#which unfortunately leads to small fuck ups. which leads to big fuck ups.#fuck ups he wont forget and carries with him every day#but once he finds his feet. finds his place. boy oh BOY he was made to work in this field#max didnt follow him on purpose. she rocked up on his door step the second she graduated. if that.#and billy more or less just said. im broke as shit and in so much debt i cant even buy myself a chocolate bar. take the couch#if ur staying longer than a week i want fuckin rent#except his version of rent is max pitching in for dinner and chores and groceries etc and if shes gotsome money to contribute thats cool to#but he's not about to like. kick her out#anyway. one night they're somehow magically all off and free for the first time in months. so they're having a few drinks#and heather's bitching about her job and billy's one upping her with every story#and max is like. bro it probably isn't even that hard. and billy's like. i Dare you.#(they're drunk. billy hasn't even had time to think about alcohol in Months and now he's a lightweight and he's Drunk)#and max. becos she's max. and she's never /not/ ready to prove billy wrong. decides to actually go for it#not like she's got much to lose. except money maybe also free time also mental brain capacity and the will to actually wanna live#but. like. nothing to lose! so she's opening google the next day and figuring out where to start. and before she knows it#she's there baby! she's living medical school hell! it sucks ASS. somehow she doesn't give up!#flash forward like 10 yrs and billy likes to brag that his life's so good that max had to copy him.#ran to california. works in a hospital. daddy issues. etc etc.
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was about to make a poll to decide whether i should cook food at home or order pizza and talked myself into pizza time. oh well! the rational mind prevails
#like theres technically food in the house but not enough to make anything id actually want to eat and also i havent left the house today#so walking down to the pizza shop is probably a good idea and i havent gotten takeaways in literal months#also i did responsible adult shit this morning and i deserve a little treat. and cant be bothered cooking#also i get paid tomorrow so i can spend $6 without dying#its literally fine. its my life and i choose the dinner#(<- desperately beating back irrational guilt with a hammer)
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