#so i am literally sitting frozen on this pullout couch turning my head every three seconds
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one of my biggest nightmares is happening to me right now haha how fun
#when it comes to bugs i am a wimp#always have been always will be#they invoke some sort of blood-curdling fear in me i have no control over#so anyways#i can't even kill them most of the time i obviously can't take them outside either#it's like being in physical proximity to them does something awful to my brain chemistry it's nightmarish#so now i am sleeping in my living room and we left the balcony open in the evening and it had rained#so just now when i decide to finally turn the lights off and go to sleep at the reasonable hour of 1am#i notice not one. not two. but three goddamn mosquitoes surrounding me like the forces of evil#and i KNOW the second i hit those lights and lie down they WILL attack#and i can't to anything about because again. paralyzing insect-induced fear and repulsion#so i am literally sitting frozen on this pullout couch turning my head every three seconds#just to know exactly where the goddamned monstrous creatures are at all times#one on the north wall and the other two are sharing the corner#and i can't bring myself to stomp them with my shoe bc i would definitely scream#and i'd ask my dad to get them for me but he has sleeping issues and if he's already asleep and i wake him he won't be able to go back#and then tomorrow will be awful#so i'm here getting slightly devoured by my irrational suffering#and this is the part i most fear about living alone. genuinely#what if i see a spider and i cant yell for anyone. i WOULD sleep on my goddamn bathroom if necessary#and that's on my biggest untreated psychological issue. fun times
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