#so how i read that scene is that it's pointing towards the pain of apparently falling out of love being like some kind of emotional surgery

[hey-scully-itsme]

okay so I’m 100% on board with the jokes about how stephen maturin kills a guy with a 'phallic paperweight' because they truly are funny as hell but also I’m fascinated by how the scene actually goes down. Bc he DOESN'T kill the guy with it! he just knocks him out. What he does kill him with is a lancet.

Given that, every other time it comes up, he draws a VERY hard line at using the tools of his trade as a physician to kill, it's actually super relevant to where he's at in that scene and in Fortune of War in general that that's how it goes down. lines are blurring, certainties are being erased, and everything feels out of control. huge fan of how well that scene conveys those ideas.

[jeanmoreautemple]

Thea Muldani: a rant

I feel weird about Thea but I can’t really put into words exactly why? So I’m writing down some things I’ve thought.

I honestly didn’t think much about her before TSC, like she was okay (I wish she’d been introduced earlier tho or that she hadn’t graduated already so she was a recurrent Raven player or something).

After reading the extra content I wasn’t bothered about the age gap between her and Kevin but yes a little bit about the fact that Kevin was fourteen when they first met + the -you fuck like a virgin, maybe some practice will make you better at it- comment that Nora included. It was uuhh weird but the rest of the Kevthea story was okay, and Thea is 100% not a groomer. Plus, Nora technically deleted the extra content so in theory nothing there is canon yet.

Now in TSC we get her sole appearance in TKM from Jean’s POV, who has known her since he was fourteen (like Kevin- this is important to keep in mind). The scene starts out cute! We find out she took him under her wing and even had nicknames for him like Paris and her little duckling🥰. So the fourteen year boy that just arrived from france with broken English looked up to her, Thea was ~21 at this point.

We know Jean is going through HELL during this time:

And we also know the Moriyamas were always particularly cruel with Jean, getting more physical him than with Kevin. Even though It’s said that Riko would torture Jean and Kevin (broken hand incident) in private, hence the other Ravens not knowing the whole picture, how can a fourteen year old kid hide such pain? But apparently , as we later find out, Thea was too deep into the Evermore raven cult mindset that she didn’t find anything strange about the coach and Rikk’s behavior towards Jean.

At 15 Jean is given a number and place in the perfect court, but only at 16 joins the lineup. He gets a lot of hate, especially from the other defensemen, whom Thea works with:

Although the Ravens are know for being extremely violent training, at least in the court Thea must have noticed that the defense line were especially brutal to Jean. Or SOMETHING.

But here comes the worst part: during this same year Riko forces Jean to sleep with 5 defensemen. By the time Jean is a junior most of these have graduated which means they were 20 or older. So Thea had been playing with each of these guys for at least 2 years (except for Grayson), she knew them.

They went on to joke and talk about the whole ordeal as Jean paying for his perfect court number. Thea also being in the defense line could have heard all of this first hand, we don’t know. But It’s so widely talked about that it reaches Tetsuji and we do know Thea witnessed Jean’s punishment:

Coincidentally Thea starts a sexual and emotional relationship with Kevin this year (it’s her last too).

So here’s the part that made me dislike Thea very much. In TKM she goes to Kevin demanding answers, Kevin then brings her to Jean, who is looking like this:

It’s been three years since she graduated but she’s still wearing her Raven number in a necklace, and when she sees Jean’s state in TSC she comments how if Kevin hadn’t said anything she’d think it normal:

By now it’s clear she at 26 is still 100% brainwashed, but this next line of hers cemented it:

YOUR OLD TRICKS ?!

So let’s break that down:

1. The immigrant kid (16!) she watched over for two years from age 14 to 16 suddenly starts having sex with members of HER (23!) defense line who are all around her age and openly hate him for 5 consecutive nights and she doesn’t suspect anything?

2. Said defensemen then brag and shame Jean afterwards calling him a whore, which leads to Jean getting beaten half to dead by their coach and still nothing?

3. Years later she recalls the incident as Jean being up to his little tricks and being rightfully beaten to a pulp?!!!!

I can’t. I know she’s also a cult victim but no. It was super common for Ravens to have hate sex with each other but her being close to Kevin (and somewhat Jean) during the time Jean’s (a 16 year old!) assaults were happening and still remaining this clueless… I’m sure she must be lovable for both Kevin and Jean to respect and care for her so much but her one scene convinced me she’s way too deep into the Raven spirit and her presence around Kevin and Jean would be just so harmful.

But I have to give credit when it’s due, apparently after some hours with Kevin and 7 years later she believes her King broke Kevin’s hand:

In conclusion:

Thea is absolutely no groomer but if one takes a look at her attitude towards Jean’s sexual history when he was 16 and how her relationship with Kevin was happening simultaneously, her you fuck like a virgin, maybe some practice will make you better at it and tell me you weren’t up to your old tricks comment combo, it all makes me dislike her. Cause you’d think someone who at 22-23 was dating a boy who had just turned legal would be careful or mature enough to choose her wording better when talking about the sexual activity between a boy close in age to her own boyfriend with people around HER age, but nope. The fact that Kevin married her, has a child and lives happily ever after with her seems unbelievable to me.

PS: Her and Kevin’s (we don’t know if he believes Riko) apparent ignorance or lack of suspicion of Jean’s freshman year assault was the most hurtful part of TSC tbh (not counting Elodie). Imagine having the closest people to you misunderstand/ believe lies about such a traumatic event. I guess this is why Nora didn’t include a Andrew POV, I would have died or wanted to kill Nicky and Aaron for not looking deeper into Andrew’s attitude.

[vashs-ass]

TRIGGER WARNING // SA

Analysis of Vash and His Assault in Trigun

Now that I’ve finally finished the manga, I want to discuss why I believe the fifth moon incident in Trigun is supposed to represent sexual assault. Apparently this interpretation is somewhat controversial so I’m going to go over how I see it. If you have a different interpretation that’s completely fine, I’m not trying to say one is more correct than the other.

One other thing I will preface this with, is that I do not think Knives canonically SAed Vash. I think the situation is supposed to be metaphor for sexual assault.

So anyways, why do I think it’s supposed to represent sexual assault and not physical assault? In my opinion, Knives’ main objective is not to physically hurt Vash, his goal is to force Vash into preforming non consensual acts.

The symbolism in fifth moon is very heavy handed. This is the first time we see Vash be assaulted. Knives is depicted as completely naked. Yes, there is an explanation for this in the plot but I do think it was a deliberate choice.

Prior to the fifth moon incident, Vash has no memories of what happened at July. This is unusual because Vash does not have a pattern of shutting out distressing events in his life. He’s able to remember his childhood and Rem’s death in great detail. So something about what happened was particularly disturbing and violating to Vash in a way he’d never experienced before. Even Knives notes that this is unusual, apparently expecting the incident would have ‘after effects’ for his brother.

During this initial discussion Vash begins to recall some of the memories of what happened, or rather, what he felt. He describes the feelings surrounding what happened as ��something horrifyingly sick’.

Now we will get into the meat of things.

The visuals of the actual assault are horrifying. Nightow uses some great body horror to amplify the severity of what is happening to Vash’s body. During this assault, Knives is constantly grabbing at Vash’s body, forcing it to do what he wants. This one particular panel I don’t see talked about much really hit me in the gut, with knives standing naked between Vash’s legs. This is kinda what solidified everything for me.

Knives is almost always seen holding a hand over Vash’s eyes and his heart. This is a very intimate gesture and I think this can have a lot of different reads depending on who you ask. For me covering his eyes further takes away Vash’s control over what’s happening to his body, Knives’ hand clawing at his heart representing his desire to violate Vash’s very being and take it for himself. To possess him. To objectify him.

He asks Vash how it feels, and Vash can be seen sobbing in what I think is emotional agony rather than physical pain. Having this happen to him again seems to have triggered the memories he had tried to burry.

Other people have pointed out that the angel arm can be seen as a phallic symbol. I’m not really sure where I fall on this idea but I thought I’d mention it at least.

I will also point out one more instance of assault after fifth moon because this is not the only time Vash is assaulted by his brother

I think this takes place towards the middle of the manga if I remember correctly. This scene (to me) represents the ‘loss of self’ victims often feel as well as the physical aspect of sexual assault. Knives briefly attempts to force Vash’s body into his. He stabs Vash through his arm, pinning him down in attempt to ‘merge’ Vash with himself. When it doesn’t work he rips it out of Vash which seems to cause him horrific pain.

The fact Vash goes on to use his angel arm to save people later on in the story is very powerful. It was once a reminder of the violations he had endured but he reclaimed it as well as his bodily autonomy.

After this there are a few other more minor instances of Knives violating Vash, but I won’t get into those because I feel I’ve made my point. If you have anything to add I’d love to hear it!

[s-4pphics]

forever dying. (e.w.)

FEAR. noun. an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen.

emotions writing challenge :3

wc;cw: 7 hunnid, angst, ellie needs a hug :(, gore

Ellie’s boots bury deep into the snow with every weighted footstep, her pack and bow hitting her back as she walks. She wanted to run, but she didn’t want to cause a scene; Freaking out in public makes her freak out more. 

She needs to get home. She misses you and she’s on the verge of panicking because you’re not next to her. She should’ve never volunteered to do patrol. 

You’re tired, you’d whispered in the early morning as she dressed, just lay here with me? 

He’s old, Ellie whispered back: about Joel. If she doesn’t go, then he’ll have to, and he’s old, although he denies it; He shouldn’t be working as hard anymore, at least, that’s what Ellie convinced herself when she saw him reorganizing the horse shed. Boxes were being stacked, but he was tired; It was evident in the tremor in his arms. Ellie’s exhaustion will never be able to match his, no matter what she does. Plus, I wanna go. It won’t be long, promise. 

And just like that, she kissed your head, your nose, your lips, before snagging her coat and leaving. 

She’s gotten used to killing clickers; There was a dark point — two years ago — where she actually enjoyed it: the grittiness, the power she had over the source that destroyed the world. But moments like today remind her how gruesome and horrific life is. 

It was only mile three into patrol when she saw the scene from a distance: the outline of a boy, no older than ten, dead and bloody, being preyed on by at least five clickers. At least. 

Millions of thoughts rushed through her mind: why was he alone? Why is he so small? Why didn’t she come sooner and save him? 

Horror slammed into her and she froze, nausea overtaking her at the sight. Shimmer was already snorting and shifting, preparing to turn around, but Ellie couldn’t move. She only gripped the lasso tighter, her thick gloves pinching her skin. 

Apparently, she breathed too loudly; All the clickers turned towards her direction in milliseconds. She wasn’t prepared for all of them to rush towards her and Shimmer. She wasn’t... fucking prepared. 

Ellie’s still not sure how she made it out, but she did, and she needs you close. Vulnerability is extremely difficult for her, but she melts with you. She should’ve never left this morning. 

“Ellie!” Jesse. “Wait up!”

She’s already shaking her head, moving quicker.  

“I’m fine!” She’s not. She swiftly peers over her shoulder, dismissively waving her hand. “I just… I needa get home. We’ll talk later.” Has her safe haven always been this fucking far?  

It seems like hours pass before her walk ends, and she’s on your shared porch; She shoves through the door and is hit with immediate warmth and the smell of cinnamon, and her heart calms. Only slightly. 

She kicks her shoes off and tosses her supplies on the floor before padding down the hallway and into your shared bedroom. 

You’re sitting on the floor, reorganizing the bookshelf, murmuring song lyrics to yourself. You meet her eyes in a mirror propped up against the wall and smile. 

But it drops at the sound of her voice. 

She only whispered hey, but her tone is enough to get you up and moving towards her, concern on your face. Her expression is telling: fear. Grief. No wonder she’s back so early. 

Your hands are cautious as they hover over her shoulders, but she nods gently. It’s okay, she hopes her eyes read, please hold me.  

She’s instantly pulled close, right up against you, and she falls apart. Ellie doesn’t feel any tears coming, just feels them seep into your sweater. You’re asking if she’s hurt, but she’s not sure how to answer, so she stays quiet. 

Your touch is so soothing. But she’s scared… and heartbroken. And guilty: she, somehow, feels at fault. That poor kid. She's sobbing now, loud and painful.

Hope, in this time, is lethal. The graphic scene is proof enough that the world is forever dying. 

[lemonhemlock]

Hi Lemon! It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts on hotd so I just want to share mine and ask for your opinion :)

First of all, I completely agree with one of the recent anons about helaemond and how it would have made the story better and more logical, the characters involved more engaging and human and ofc, the motivations more clear. And yes, it's ridiculous how my fellow greenies have been screeching about it making the greens look bad and hypocritical when in reality it would have only endeared them more to the GA (if done right, of course). Aemond would have been a multi layered character, Helaena would have had more relevance and Aegon and Aemond's fallout would have been more convincing. Oh well, a missed opportunity, unfortunately. But the greens are the ones who were damaged.

Second of all, Helaena is such a mystery to me and not in a good way. She has the same gift as Daenys the dreamer and yet she won't do anything with it? Why? To make her a constantly doomed and tragic figure who can't avoid her destiny? Because that's not the best explanation and just seems lazy. She is completely detached from the narrative. I thought at first that she couldn't interpret her dreams and visions, but after the balcony scene with Aemond it's obvious she can. Also, the way she apathetically talked to Aemond abut him dying and (sort of ) no one caring rubbed me the wrong way and I actually felt bad for him in that scene, not her, even though it obviously wasn't the writers' intention (and I agree with you, %his request wasn't unreasonable at all).

Finally, them using Helaena in Daemon's vision made my blood boil. Apparently, she can be Bran like toward her own brother because he "deserves" it, but it's OK to use her to "light the way" for Daemon in his "redemption" arc. It's unbelievable and straight up offensive . What is actually the point of her character and her ability then? Anyway, I would love to read your thoughts on this. Thanks.

first of all, anon, hello & thank you & i hope you enjoy your stay on my blog! 💚

PREFACING this by saying that the full helaena-aemond scenes might offer a bit more context than we already have, but, basically, here are my takes, as of now, the friday before the season finale. subject to change!

i guess my thesis statement is that this whole season kind of destroys helaena's character, as well.

let's look at her relationship with aegon:

from what i understand, she says she was "happy" before the war. a helaegon win perhaps? if she was "happy", then she must have been content enough with her position as aegon's wife, no? that doesn't seem like a huge logical leap to make. so, whatever aegon did or didn't do, it must just not have bothered her that much to impinge on her "happiness", even if perhaps she wouldn't necessarily rate him very highly as a husband either.

but, then again, she never mentions him. he just suffered a traumatic injury and is in constant pain. helaena is not besieged by grief this season, she is not catatonic with her own trauma, she is very lucid and calm and acting normally, yet she doesn't once ask about him or visit him or offer SOME kind of condolences or feel any kind of way about him being a cripple. he is still her brother, though? and apparently she has no particular beef with him? she shares a daughter with him, yet never even considers how it will be difficult for jaehaera to see her father like that. she just doesn't give a shit. and, i have to say, this makes her look rather sociopathic.

now let's look at her relationship with aemond. she is apparently so dismissive and gives zero fucks about the concept of aemond's death. like with aegon, there is a version in which helaena could have real grievances with aemond that could lead her to act like this. does she, though?

she doesn't give a shit that aemond burned aegon

she doesn't give a shit that aemond instigated the blacks into assassinating her son

she doesn't give a shit that aemond dismissed alicent from the council

what other reason could there possibly be? does she disagree with his war strategy? does she care that he burned a village? is she a secret rhaenyra stan? did he step on her favourite cockroach when they were kids and now it's payback time?

so, to be so indifferent and apathetic and downright heartless towards her brothers for no reason, again, paints her like a sociopath. what does she even care about? just her bugs? what in the seven hells? i'm not even sure that was the writers' intention anyway, they just truly have no idea what to do with her character. she is there so her interlocutor might exhibit some of their own character traits, but it's like talking to an android.

there are also ways in which one could show helaena's reluctance regarding flying dreamfyre to war, not just "lol i don't want to be bothered" when her family's lives are at stake. at the very least show her terrified of dying or squeamish about violence or something.

and her assisting daemon's redemption arc is downright nauseating. she gives zero fucks about her brothers, but DAEMON is the one she elects to help??

from a watsonian POV, she is not likeable or understandable at all, they are basically turning her into a selfish coward infantilising herself and not bothering to take the slightest initiative to change or influence the things she disagrees with, who just wants to sit on her arse all day waiting to die. but can she truly be analysed through a watsonian POV? was this the intention of the writers? (death of the author and all - what other in-universe characterisation could you give her based on her inaction on all fronts?)

like with alicent, i, for one, cannot apply watsonian analysis to helaena, because that's not how a human person would believably act in those situations. that's not how neuro-divergent people act! they cannot keep using this as an excuse. i don't want to hear the "everyone grieves in different ways" pretext. controversial opinion, but it's downright offensive to neuro-divergent people to claim they are so soulless and don't care about anything other than their hyper-fixations and would not blink if their family were in mortal danger or lift a finger to help in any kind of way

[ghostampire]

"Now they definitely won't make a shitty movie."

Tara Carpenter x Amber Freeman

Summary: Amber survives the final and now Tara is going to get answers.

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: idk blood death glass hardcore ending I think I died

25th anniversary of the Woodsboro murders. Back to that crazy night that changed this town forever.

A bloody series of murders had come to an end. It only seemed that way at first glance. After all, that's how movies with good endings end, right?

The sounds of sirens and ambulances pierce the air, reporters pull up. It's happening all over again. Sam, Tara, and Mindy, as the surviving trio from the new generation, get proper medical attention. Finally a long-awaited vacation after exhausting games of not only life but death.

The police officers are about to seal the house and get to work, but their attention is drawn to the scream of a man heard from inside the house.

“Stretcher required, we have another survivor!”

Another one. But who? Mindy's firm grip stops the medical worker who was carrying her to the ambulance. Her gaze read hope and fear as her brother was the only one she didn't see among the others. He's Chad-fucking-Meeks-Martin. Would it be any different in this crazy real-life murder franchise? Apparently this time yes, because it's not the tough athlete with the beaming smile who is carried out of the house on a stretcher, but the culprit of their headaches and new scars. Amber Freeman. Second Ghostface. 

At this point, it's as if everyone around the house freezes in anticipation or disbelief, watching the scene unfold, except for Tara. She can't look at her girlfriend, already an ex, of course, but that doesn't save her from conflicting feelings.  From facing reality. The squeezing pain in her ribcage from the realization of betrayal and the relief that it didn't end as horribly as it could have. But... what now? The chaotic thoughts in her head were making her physically nauseous, as was the fantasy of their reunion. Maybe this was just what she needed. Maybe only now would she get her answers from the one who'd treated her so cruelly, though she'd never thought of that earlier. Now she needed the truth. She needed to know who her ex-girlfriend really was.

The younger Carpenter didn't feel as strong now as the older one. Tears were hard to hold back, her lips were starting to hurt.

Not surprisingly, Sam noticed the change in Tara's demeanor, grabbing her hand tighter for support. It was clear without words how hard it was to get through this moment. How hard it would be to get through this night. As if the nightmare wasn't over yet.

It was obvious for sure that for Tara, this nightmare would be forever. In real life and in her dreams. As for Amber? She won't let this nightmare fade away as long as she's alive.

It was a mistake.

Definitely the stupidest and craziest thing the younger Carpenter had ever done in her life. However, this night had long been beyond normal, so it was worth the risk. It was something she wanted to believe in, otherwise it would cost her a broken heart or her life.

Strange to think her heart was still beating for her.

She'd been on such craziness with her girlfriend before, they often got into such messes because Amber wanted more thrills. Tara wanted love.

There's a reason they say that you can't see the monster in your lover.

Not until it was too late.

Tara knew she wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, wouldn't be able to be around the people who cared for her right now. She was drawn to the one who had given her the most love and who had left more scars on her body and soul that would never truly heal. She felt like a moth that was mindlessly giving in to its instincts and flying toward the brightest light of its life. That's what Amber was to her. And it was killing her in every way. So yes, it was definitely a crazy idea to sneak into the hospital where the brutal killer was being held.

The small town had its advantages, but it was also a disadvantage. Everyone knew each other, knew secrets and could use them for good as well as evil. Carpenter thought it was only fair to find out everything from Amber here and now and that was what she was able to convince the policeman who was on duty outside the hospital room today. Only fifteen minutes had been allotted, which meant the questions had to be chosen wisely. 

One short breath. One step forward. One question.

“Why?”

Why did she even think she could get through to Amber? Why did she need answers so badly? Why was her girlfriend a fucking murderer when they could live happily together? Why?

The door was only slightly ajar, so that only a tiny bit of light from the corridor penetrated the room. The room itself was dark and shiveringly uncomfortable. Even in that damn house, the closet hadn't been so scary when Amber had tied her up and locked her in, and it had been chaotic after that. Now it felt like the closet had gotten bigger and locked her in with the killer. Maybe her mouth and wrists weren't taped shut, but the girl was restrained by all those feelings inside her.

Fear. Doubt. Sorrow.

Tara stood a couple steps away from the bunk where the brunette lay in bandages, in such a horribly vulnerable state, but alive. It might have all looked like loving people coming to each other for support, but the reality was far worse.

The silence in the room was agonizingly pressing on Carpenter's so unrecovered psyche. Words stuck in her throat, no matter how much she wanted to say. It was like torture. 

Amber remained motionless, as if frozen in place. As if she was the only one in the room who was conscious. She watched her ex-girlfriend's every move. They both knew that now they would have to choose every word, every tone with extreme care. The last night had taken a lot from them, they were on edge and the slightest slip up could end in disaster. Instinct for self-preservation screamed to run right now, but she felt paralyzed. Tara couldn't move after hearing her girlfriend's husky voice.

“Because it's fun.”

As if that was what Amber needed. To open up to someone and just say, "I am who I am." Like she'd been storing that moment in her heart for a long time.

And she saw Tara's gaze lock on one expression as well, her breathing quickened and her heart began to beat faster. She saw herself realize that there would be no more excuses, no more 'I love you'. No more trying to change things. Just the truth.

Amber saw Tara break down in front of her. It was her choice to tell her everything about herself, to tell her feelings. She wanted to be the one to help her, but she couldn't do that right now. All she could give Tara was the truth, which would break her. Just like the words she'd spoken: "Because it's fun." They could sever all ties between people and destroy any hope of any kind of love.

Carpenter realized this, which was why it was hard to hold back the tears that rolled down her cheeks so scaldingly. She had to muster all the strength she had to look the sociopath in the eye.

“Did I even mean anything to you?”

Amber felt her heart skip a beat at that question. A second later, she nodded her head and a slight smirk appeared on her face. She didn't deny that this relationship had given her something, including the realization that she felt what a normal person should feel. But it wasn't love. She hated to admit it, but she felt something from her that she hadn't felt before. A feeling she could call attraction, but as usual, it couldn't last. A sense of control over someone or something, and a feeling she had never felt before - a desire to take someone under her wing. But this feeling wasn't love, and she knew it. She couldn't fake it. It was on the verge of obsession. She knew exactly how their relationship would end, and she actually enjoyed everything that was happening between her and Tara. Amber took pleasure in the girl's feelings, but that pleasure was selfish. And in a way, it was her way of loving, but it was a twisted feeling that she didn't hide.

“I was trying to help you.”

As soon as those words came out of the ruthless killer's mouth, Tara breaks down completely and all the negative feelings overwhelm her at once. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was absurd. It couldn't possibly be true. Tears stop rolling down her cheeks, her gaze becomes hard and filled with burning rage. Her voice trails off into a scream and she takes a step towards the girl.

“Help?! You ruined my life!”

Carpenter didn't have time to think about what she said, but those were exactly the words, the feelings she felt after the betrayal. The lump in her throat again prevented her from saying the rest, but it also prevented her from giving in to her feelings. Biting her lip and glancing over her shoulder at the half-open door, Tara turned back to Amber and took another step so her words wouldn't sound so loud, but now they were soaked with all the pain she'd been through over the past few days. There wasn't much time left to talk.

“You killed people and now you're leaving me alone.”

Amber's face expressed no emotion other than indifference. Her expression remained calm and detached as she watched her lover come closer and closer. Perhaps she liked it when Tara's emotions got out of control, she expected the girl to react that way. Maybe she was waiting for revenge, maybe she was just waiting for her to try to hit her... She couldn't tell. But she knew she deserved it. Did she feel remorse for it? Not at all.

Freeman opened her mouth to say what seemed to be something very important, but she only exhaled and raised her right arm as far as she could. Her movements were restricted because as a criminal she was obviously handcuffed to the bunk. She tilted her head slightly to the side, lowering her gaze. She wanted to believe that Tara would understand her and even after all of this she wouldn't be afraid to touch her. At least one last time.

And that made Tara's breath catch. This was too much. She couldn't see her ex-girlfriend as just a murderer. The problem was, she couldn't love her like before either. It was tearing her heart in two and leaving her with nothing. It was an emptiness so consuming that she wanted to cling to every opportunity just to heal. Just so she wouldn't feel the shards of her broken heart crashing into her soul, and so she took another step. Tentatively at first, with a trembling hand she reached out to Amber, touching her bandaged arm with her fingertips and then placing her palm fully.

It was something Amber had never expected, but had always hoped for. She'd expected many other things from Tara, but not this. She felt the girl's warm hand on hers. It was a wonderful feeling, no matter what. It was as if the girl was trying to show her that there was always room for a little good, no matter how bad or impossible the situation seemed. She liked that. She was even surprised by it. Her fingers closed around the girl's fingers. That little movement was Amber's way of expressing the fact that Tara always had a place in her heart. But...

This wasn't the kind of horror movie that ended with a good ending. At least that's how Amber saw it, especially when her plan went awry. There was definitely nothing left to lose now and she was going to take the one thing that mattered to her with her. She certainly wasn't going to lose to Sam on this one.

Killing people was a lot easier than trying to free one hand from handcuffs by breaking a finger. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it was worth it. She'd done even before her ex had arrived, but almost as soon as night fell.  Slowly sitting down on the bunk, she looked sympathetically at Tara, clearly in pretense, and then took advantage of the moment to grab her by the scruff of the neck and pull her to her, holding the girl with a dead grip as close as she could.

There was only frustration and horror in Tara's eyes. It was as if she realized what was about to happen and was trying to prepare herself for the final blow, the worst possible moment. But there was no fear. She had already experienced far worse, she had already experienced betrayal worse than anything else. Now she was ready for the final moment. To meet her death cuddled against her friend's chest. To die feeling her lover's warm body against hers.

“Sorry, baby.”

Amber's words sounded cold-blooded and cruel, yet so gentle at the same time. Deceptively so. Only the breath Tara felt against her ear was scalding hot, reminding her that this monster was human, that this monster was her girlfriend, and that none of that mattered because the younger Carpenter had lost. 

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Amber's soft lips pressed in a gentle kiss to her princess's neck, but only as a false sense of security, because just seconds later her teeth sank into the girl's flesh, digging in as deep as possible, as painful as possible, until she felt she had not achieved her goal. Tara may have been intended in her script as the final girl, but everything had gone to hell at the last moment in that house and now the script had to be urgently rewritten. No matter how much Carpenter resisted, she couldn't get out of this trap.

Hearing the girl's scream, a policeman immediately rushed into the room with a gun at the ready and another holding a walkie-talkie to his chest for communication. 

It was too late. Tara could barely stay on her feet and gave her last strength to cling to the bunk like a lifeline. Blood hotly began to flow profusely from her neck and her vision slowly began to fade.

This time Ghostface had taken his last girl. Now this was the kind of ending that could be called dignified. Not the one she and Richie had planned for.... But it was even better this way.

Amber's gaze shifted to the cop with a wide grin.

“Now they definitely won't make a shitty movie.”

[gioiaalbanoart]

TIME for another MIXED fried

(writing share / different flavors 😁)

9 lines, kiss something, writing share, favorite line.....

Thank you to @wyked-ao3 here here and here

@tragedycoded here , here and here

@aintgonnatakethis (here, even if it's not kiss) and @jev-urisk here and @the-golden-comet in some open tag 💫

Just so you know this is edited in the sense that I don't inflict you with the pain of my first version writing BUT it will probably change at some point....(but if I share it now I can DAMN move to next chapter so, basically I'm using you 😈)

Wip The scarred angel under the cut with tags

CW just in case Blood, injuries

*****

Truth is, sometimes the best way to go it's just shut up and be there.

Like he'd been reading my mind Herrera breaths out heavily : "So, I didn't say anything, really. I kept my mouth shut and basically just sit there with her."  

He gestures, palms facing upwards, as to underline the memories : "Until eventually social service shown up."

While I picture the scene in my head I'm aware that I don't feel just sorry for someone that has been hurt in that way but I'm drawn to it beyond reasons that I can't narrow down at the moment.

Already my rational brain doesn't cut me any slack because, let's face it, there can't be nothing here but just trivial curiosity.

Brain says.

Herrera interrupts my inner speculation : "Did you see her eyes ?" he asks bluntly.

As if I could have missed that.

I slightly nod to not make it too obvious.

"That's the only thing she gave them back : silence and that killing-fuck-you stare of her".

Right...

"She didn't go through social services, didn't she?" I ask cautiously.

Herrera tisks : "By no means!"

He stands up abruptly and fishes for something in the mess of his desk until he recovers a pack of cigarettes.

He looks at me, a silent "Do you mind?" question.

I shake my head no same as I did few days before.

He walks towards the open window and lit the cigarette peering vaguely at the outside world before facing me again : "Social services talked psychiatric facilities as soon as she could be dismissed, since she wasn't speaking." 

He marks a dramatic pause while he sharply inhales the smoke and blows it out waving the cigarette, ashes accidentally falling to the front of his white shirt : "Until they left."

"She talked to you then?" I arch my brow taken aback by the possible hypothesis.

"Barely!" 

He frowns and anticipates me : "Oh, don't get me wrong, at present day I still don't know shit about what really happened to her, forget who attacked her. She stubbornly  kept not saying a word about it and...." he waves his hand again and more ashes get loose : "...Please, believe me, it's not for lack of me asking!"

Another smoking inhale : "I tried to talk her out of it, insisting that she had to report it, I even got to the point of getting angry at her." 

Herrera sounds rather frustrated at the recollection : "Goes without saying it was like pissing in the wind."

Herrera words hang between us in the silence that idles and I get slightly impatient as I sense he's  holding back again.

As he got offended before I assume it's not because he's ashamed of something and I wonder if somehow he's protecting her.

"So, no social services?" I decide to prompt him.

It snaps him out from his thoughts.

"She was sixteen back then..." is the apparently out of context answer.

"She didn't say it but let it slide first time she came back a couple of years later. I did the math."

The implied evidence strikes me : "She ran away?"

He nods : "Indeed".

I slightly gawk : "How....?".

It hasn't been so long since I was sixteen too even if it does feel now like someone else life, not my own.

I perfectly recall I wasn't that bold but not injured as much neither, nor so much alone.

It stirs in the pit of my chest a complex mix of feelings among which I recognize admiration, sorrow, curiosity and that something else that I can't figure out yet.

"How did she manage to get away?" I ask again, dumbfounded.

Unlike a few days ago there is now an ashtray on the windowsill and the chief snuffs the cigarette into it, a little too harshly : "I'll be damn if I had a clue at the time. Or now, for the matter."

He steps away from the window and plops heavily on his chair, fingers drumming on the edges desk, his gaze intense now.

I want him to keep talking and me to shake off his staring : "So.... she just comes and go?"

A glimpse of curiosity crosses Herrera's gaze but apparently he decides to go my way : "Every now and then. Basically when she needs something."

"She asked for your help today?" I inquire.

Herrera tisks : "She came to dig for information, apparently I wasn't useful"

"And now she's gone." I hear myself say and again I can't put the finger on why I don't like the fact.

"And now she's gone." Herrera confirms.

I acknowledge a sting of frustration.

For some reason Herrera shifts through sympathetic mode.

"Look" he bents slightly across his desk, twining his fingers and he speaks with almost a fatherly tone : "At the time I felt sorrow for the girl, sickened about what she went through even if she didn't gave up the details. After the social workers left she spent few days in recovery and I paid her a visit every single day, even if she didn't seem to care."

He frowns :  "I was there when the doctors toke the bandages off."  

"By then I kind of knew so I asked her, at first, if I could stay. Incredible enough, she said yes"

Herrera's face twitches : "It was a shocking sight".

"I bet it was" I breath out. 

"Even more shocking was to see her letting a single tear roll, just one. Then she stared at the mirror the nurse gave her eyes dry and cold. I couldn't believe it."

He leans against the backrest :  "I didn't know what to say to the girl, so....I said nothing."

Even now Herrera's expression matches what probably felt back then, shock and defeated.

"Anyway" he lets out another sigh : "The following morning she was gone".

*****

Automatically tagged for the next writing share my TSA tag list (ask if you want IN/OUT) 💗 : @wyked-ao3 @saturnine-saturneight @tragedycoded

+ @the-golden-comet @authorcoledipalo @leahnardo-da-veggie @illarian-rambling @aintgonnatakethis @agirlandherquill @avaseofpeonies

+ open tag and lot of coffee ☕☕☕☕

[yuikomorii]

Hello there, I would like to ask you something.

Why is the Sakamaki family your least favourite if your favourite Diaboy is a Sakamaki?

// You kinda answered your own question, Anon. :”)

The reason why I don’t like the Sakamaki family is ✨Ayato✨ or the way he’s treated there, to be more precise.

Ayato is without a doubt the most unfairly treated member of that family, even Kanato is more loved than him, although he’s supposed to be the one nobody understands.

No one ever thinks about what he had to go through, despite the fact that his past was extremely painful. It didn't leave "scars" like Laito's, but pretty reminder that Ayato was the most tortured Diaboy in the entire franchise, given that the lake scene was only one of many near-death experiences Cordelia forced him to go through, and he was also very emotionally and mentally abused for centuries. But does anyone really care? Apparently not.

Either his brothers are incredibly ignorant, or Rejet simply does not know how to write trauma. Only because Ayato appears energetic and unbothered does not mean that he is without inner struggles or insecurities. They pretend that in order to be considered traumatized, you must hate yourself or be depressed, which is a very wrong mindset. I also dislike how many characters, particularly Laito, find Ayato's life ideal to the point of envying him, despite the fact that being in Ayato's shoes would be a terrible fate.

Now, let’s get into more serious stuff. Ayato may not be a completely innocent character, but he would never betray anyone or project his insecurities onto them.

If you ever feel pathetic, read this YOUNGBLOOD chapter, where Shu and Subaru both backstab Ayato and use him as bait while he is being beaten up by ghouls to help his brothers find out more information. The fact that they casually talked about betraying Ayato makes it even worse, and I can't understand how people here are excusing their behavior with "They were just children." Being a child is not an excuse to be a jerk and ruin someone's life. Ayato wouldn't have been cursed if they hadn't left him there.

This really dark secret has been confirmed in Laito's LE route, and while I love Laito, this literally makes him far more toxic than he was before. So, basically, Laito wanted to kill Ayato when he was younger. It would have liberated Ayato from Cordelia's abuse, but he also has a desire to live, and taking that away from him would be evil. Again, I've seen people justifying it and they were all like "Poor Laito..." . He had his reasons but what he wanted to do is still very wrong, Ayato did nothing wrong to him.

Reiji is also really mean towards Ayato, plus was the source of Ayato's breakdowns in LE, but I don't have high expectations from Reiji because, like Ruki, he isn't sugarcoated and he talks ill about everyone. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Kanato is Ayato's brother who has hurt him the least; they insult each other, but he hasn't done anything cruel to him for no reason (not counting bad endings).

And now people will probably come to me and say that the Sakamakis do care for each other, but their "love" for one another is phony and forced to me.I'm not including the Tokutens, where they appear to be having a good time together, because those aren't 100% accurate after all. I honestly don't care if they're family-oriented in other routes; if they can't be like that in the most canon route, with a guy who's almost always supportive of them and apologizes if he ever does them anything wrong, they're no longer valid to me and the best ending for Ayato would be to leave that household as soon as possible.

Bonus— Here we have two DL characters able to stand up for themselves and for others, who are never afraid to help someone but still get mistreated, while the fandom keeps mischaracterizing them:

[bubblekidaesthetics]

Baby gays be gayin 💚💫💖

When we first got introduced to Valentine in the Monster High universe he was just another villain. His whole spill was kinda cool tho.

Collecting the hearts of girls in love as trophies, thus making it impossible for them to ever love anyone again??? I was immediately hooked. And it was a Draculaura-centric movie too, so there was a bonus.

However it wasn't till many years later that I discovered Valentine's diary and boy did it deliver.

If that sounds kinda like the gay archetype, well, put on ur listening ears for a sec, 'cause we've got a story for you. Apparently, according to the creator of Monster High, his diary was supposed to have him come out as gay. It was a collector's item anyway. Kids wouldn't have had a chance to buy it as it was a convention-exclusive doll, but Mattel said and I quote "It is not the right time"

An extract from the original post of the creator which just goes to show how little influence they truly have over their own creations.

Well, the gay route was a no-go, so instead they had to be sneaky about it. If you read the diary, the core, the framework of the original idea is still there. Evident especially in the May 3rd entry:

"I now know that what I did - stealing love - was because I thought that's what emotional vampires were supposed to do. But it never felt quite right. I thought if I kept doing it, it would eventually feel right. Then when Draculaura called me - well, Toralei really - I thought that if I could get the heart that got away, it would change me, and everything would be fine. But I was just a real pain in the fang to everyone and made a fool of myself. So I've come to the conclusion being myself has to be easier than not being myself, right? Back then, I hated the thought of who I really was, and that conflict made me become someone who wasn't me. It's time to be true to myself, but it's scary."

Like come on!!!! How can it get queerer than that?!? He is one foot away from coming out of his coffin with glitter make up and rainbow hair!

But then the diary had to go the sneaky route. They knew they couldn't make him gay... At least directly. They had to be increeibly sneaky about that. Just then Spelldon Cauldronello steps onto the scene.

Written into the diary as a blink you'll miss it moment, Spelldon is Casta Fierce's younger brother. Up to that point there was no mention of the character in Monster High cannon. but his interaction with Valentine, well... It was short for one. But a lot was packed into that very short meeting. Keiran Valentine upon first meeting him spaces out, after which they spend some time together gettin to know each other better, ultimately ending with Valentine asking Spelldon for his number.

You'd think there'd be more, yet sadly that is where Spelldon's part in Valentines story arch stops. There was clear intent there to create a more inclusive Monster High, for which I am grateful. Despite not giving us a look at Spelldon's design, the fandom took it upon themselves to create designs and fanart, thus keeping his character alive.

The design I used in this piece actually belongs to my incredibly talented friend @i-have-serious-brainfreeze . He created this design of the nerdy Spelldon on a whim, and since then I have been utterly obsessed with it. So much so that I choose to create a fanart piece of the two bby gays.

As of now, Gen 3 made no current mention of either Valentine or Spelldon, so it's safe to say their story has been shelved for the time being. However, things are moving on the Monster High representation front. Twyla has been cannonicaly made autistic, Frankie nonbinary, and Clankie steered slowly towards a canonical romantic relationship.

If there ever is a better time to bring back Keiran Valentine, it certainly is now.

I'll be here waitin Mattel. I'll be here💖

[neylakiiroisenkou]

~The Great Transgressor’s Reminiscence~

Vicious’ Short Novel, Part 2

Source: Tales of Crestoria manga volume #2 Translation: Neyla Proofreading: Vicious Cult Discord Server (because we share one brain cell)

[You can read the other parts here.]

What should I do? I am going to die, right? I started to think about it a lot. The scene of those burning black flames comes back to my mind, like a reflection of an ugly part of me that burns the world.

I wonder if I’ll die if I don’t eat anything. Being hungry hurts, the sense of starvation is terrifying. So I thought I should continue to be like that, and maybe I will die. My body was shivering and trembling, I couldn't even stand up since I didn't eat anything. So when I fell on the ground, I ate the dirt without thinking, but then immediately threw up. I’m close to my limit. It has to be. But at that moment, black flames appeared around me. The black flames roasted the ground, scorched the blossoming flowers, and burned the grass that was growing around. A sad, painful scenery. But the saddest thing was that every time those flames killed a living being, my body was filled with power. I realized that probably those black flames appeared in order to keep me alive. When I’m about to die, the flames will unconsciously appear to protect me. And they will burn, scorch, kill, just to keep me alive. What the hell. I can’t even die. And since I can’t die, I killed many. Even if I didn’t want to, many villages burned down just by approaching them.

I was in the middle of a screaming crowd. I couldn’t do anything. When I tried to reach out to a little child who was scared, on fire, begging for help, the child just burned away. Everyone was gone. Everyone disappeared by burning. How many villages will burn down, how many towns will turn to ashes… Hah, now I understand. The words that man shouted like a curse. Enemy of the world. At this point there’s no mistake that I became that. An enemy. Enemy. The enemy of the world.

One day, some people that wanted to kill me appeared. They wore splendid armor and were called knights. Apparently they were righteous people who protect other people, and because they were so righteous, they wanted to kill me. But no matter how many times they cut me, no matter how many times they shoot me, I didn’t die. No matter what they did, I didn’t do anything to defend myself. I didn’t care. The black flames that unconsciously appear will protect me eventually. Protect me by killing. All the knights who attack me will burn in black flames. To death.

Again, other knights appeared. This time there were more than before. I’m sure they were angry because I killed many. They must have brought a lot of people just to try to kill me properly, even if everything is useless. Many times they attacked, many times they got killed. I didn’t do anything. It was the black flames that killed them, but the opponents’ hatred was towards me. All that felt very unreasonable. Even though I wasn’t doing anything, everyone tried to kill me. Even though I didn’t do anything, they just continued to die and to hate. Oh yes, I was angry at that unreasonableness. I was angry, I was irritated, I was really sick of it. So I stopped trying to destroy myself. I decided to live. Isn’t that disgusting? Everyone wants to kill me, everyone tells me to die. I’m so irritated that, no, I’m not going to do what they say. I’m going to live. Just to go against them. By thinking that, I felt that the weight on my shoulders got a little lighter. Be it knights or bounty hunters, or unknown people coming to kill me, I will not restrain myself anymore. I will fight. If you tell me to die, then I’m going to live. I’m pissed off by everything and anything.

Without a purpose, I continued to walk around the world. As I walked, I killed those that wanted to kill me. Then it happened, the moment I met him.

A strange man wearing a red hat and wielding a musical instrument. I asked him: "You, come... Me... kill?" Even without saying it, I felt uncomfortable. It was clear that he was different from the others, since I didn’t feel any killing intent towards me. For some reason, the man’s expression suddenly became sad. “Such little child… Looks like you've been through a lot. I wonder why you bare your fangs like that, do you want to tell me the reason behind it?” It was the first time someone told me something like that. I let everything out. How I felt, how everyone wanted to kill me, how everything around me died even if I didn't want to, how people came again and again to kill me, and how I decided to kill too, and to live because I was disgusted by everything. When I finished talking, the man got close to me and wrapped his body around me. “I see. So that’s your will. Whatever the reason, I’m happy you chose to live.” The man’s name was Jinnee, and he seemed to be a bard. He was a strange man, he sang and told many stories on a whim. That strange man also invited me into his house. There, Jinnee taught me a lot of things. It was him that taught me other words to use, other than “kill” or “fight”. Jinnee also let me eat various dishes. Even though I said I wouldn't die if I didn't eat, I ate them without hesitation. “Food is the root of happiness.” That’s what he said.

I lived with Jinnee in a small village. All the adults around seemed to be scared of me, probably because they knew I was targeted by the knights and other people. Maybe they hated me too. They were scared of me because they didn’t have any power, but if they did, I bet they would kill me too. Even so, only Jinnee treated me as he usually did.

After that, I lived with Jinnee for many years. Before I realized it, ten years had passed since I was born. “Heeey, Vicious! Would you like to go fishing with me for something to eat tonight?”. Jinnee called me. “Huh? Nope. Didn’t we have fish yesterday too? I want to eat meat.” Whenever I said something selfish, Jinnee always laughed with a troubled smile.

[awanderingtortoise]

zoya, power, and vulnerability (analysis)

came across a post earlier talking about how Nikolai's realization of how he feels for zoya began when he admitted he was jealous of juris and it got me thinking a ton about zoya's amplifier story and her character in general so get ready for a long ass post on that scene and how it shows 1. zoyalai and mutual understanding, 2. zoya being scarily similar to, but ultimately totally different from the darkling, and 3. juris vs the darkling. spoiler warning for the entire grishaverse

1. Zoyalai and Understanding

One of my absolute favorite aspects of Zoyalai is how they learn to be vulnerable with each other after putting up walls and facades for everyone else, and I think Zoya sharing her amplifier's story is really a major development towards that. Even this early in their development you see how much Nikolai understands her. Just looking at the Darkling's response to Zoya freeing the cubs and contrasting it to Nikolai's:

Where he basically praises her only for wanting power (which actually wasnt even the reason she freed the cubs but alright) and ignores/shuns the innate selflessness that led to her gaining that power in the first place. Nikolai, on the other hand, has such an understanding of that compassion that drives her, actually the same compassion that fuels her fear of not being strong enough to protect everyone because of how much of it he also sees in himself. The whole reason she feels safe enough to share the story with him (well besides the fact that he could have died the next day) is because they echo each other so deeply; never truly being known by anyone to protect themselves from being hurt. (i go more into that here)

2. Zoya and the Darkling

The Darkling, who i am struggling not to refer to as a little shit after reading the second excerpt, was really just another man who saw Zoya through his own biased worldview. Its true they're pretty similar, and I'd say Zoya definitely had the potential to go down the path he did. But surprise surprise, she's actually just a better person than he is.

Both of them are powerful, ambitious Grisha, and I think its fair to say that in his early life, both he and Zoya were motivated by protecting people. The main difference in their driving force is that Aleksander later wanted not only protection for the Grishas but an elevation of status, believing them superior to normal people. Even from that you can already see the main reason that he was corrupted and Zoya wasn't: his motivations had a streak of selfishness. He wanted to be the savior of the Grisha, he wanted to be the most powerful, he wanted to rule.

Zoya, in contrast, is motivated almost out of pure selflessness. In her younger years you can definitely see her as being selfish but so much of that was because of the way the Darkling had conditioned her. He made her so desperate for his approval that it was all that she cared about. In the amplifier story you see that need for his validation ("his disapproval was more painful than any wound..") and the way he turns her away from her heart and towards pure ambition. Like what the hell would make you tell a girl that was nearly killed for trying to save tiger cubs from death that because of her, they were going to die anyway? He all but ensured she'd view her compassion as a weakness, leaving the amplifiers and power as the only valuable thing she'd gained that day.

Liliyana's death is what turns the tide for Zoya's character arc, bringing her back to that core selflessness, showing her the flaw in the Darkling's ideals, making her realize that power matters only when its working towards the greater good. Though she changes and moves to fight alongside Alina, her grief remains with her until KoS and we only see it processed through Juris' teachings, bringing me to the next point:

3. The darkness and the dragon: Juris in contrast to The Darkling

The way I see it (which is apparently not how the Netflix show sees it), Zoya has had 2 father/mentor figures in her life: Juris and The Darkling. Both strong figures, both powerful Grisha. Her actual father unfortunately did not do his job well enough, failing to protect her from being married off, and I believe thats one of the factors that causes her to latch so strongly onto the Darkling as an-- idol?

When Zoya came to the palace she was just a scared girl who'd just had the world ripped out from under her and her father figure fail her. The Darkling then appears, and he is everything her father was not: strong willed where her father was compliant, mysterious where he was familiar, cold where he was warm, and ultimately cruel where her father was kind. Given that the approach of the latter didnt work out, coupled with her natural desire for approval (dont have much evidence but the peach stealing for Sabina? she wanted her mother to love her for sure) it seems only natural that she grab so strongly onto the Darkling as a figure and embrace the ideals he promised, all things that would be comforting to anyone in her situation. She had been helpless, then shown herself to be a Squaller, that manifestation saving her from a life of suffering. He promised their power made them greater and stronger, that there would be a future where they would have nothing to fear from anyone ever again. What was there for her left to do but to hold onto that promise and the man who had given it?

Of course, as we mentioned above, Darkles has a lovely tendancy to devalue compassion. She still had other examples of the power of love: without Lillyanna's compassion and heart, Zoya might as well have been married off anyway. But were talking misconceptions here, and Darkles' favorite one would have to be power > everything. He's a taker of power, he uses it, he takes what he wants. So of course compassion is nothing when it inhibits the power to be gained, like how he saw empathy as the weakness that led Zoya to save the tiger cubs. But through Juris we see Zoya learn the opposite: its her compassion that gives her her greatest strength. In a very literal way. And this contradiction to the Darkling starts the moment he enters her life and breaks exactly the thing the Darkling gave her that she values so much: her power, as he breaks her amplifiers.

Juris doesn't come into Zoya's life with a promise of safety and strength. Juris swoops in and breaks her world. He shatters her amplifier, scoffs at her understanding of Grisha power, throws her into vulnerability and upheaval when she least wants it. Because its what she needs. He wants to change her relationship with power, and still this makes her more powerful. Juris sends Zoya the caterpillar into a state of pupal goop and soup to become Zoya the avatar butterfly. I regret that sentence but I'm leaving it there. anyway.

claiming a piece of the power of creation, without giving anything of ourselves: The clearest illustration of how Juris and the Darkling differ is seen here. Again the Darkling always takes and with amplifiers thats no different: whether its the way he used Alina or just looking at the Grisha tradition he upholds of killing an animal to take its power, its all superiority, taking, domination and selfishness. Juris works in the opposite direction: merging, giving, surviving the fall, opening the door. He saw the dragon as not something to be taken or conquered but as an equal and felt a kinship with it. This so strongly echoes the like calls to like that is at the core of the Small Science. He goes beyond the act of calling into the act of merging, becoming one with that power by giving up the self. Selflessness versus selfishness. I doubt the Darkling could be capable of that merging, even if he wanted to be.

but still, you wept for the tiger. Just like Nikolai, the very compassion the Darkling devalued is the only thing that Juris finds value in. The amplifiers the Darkling so coveted are exactly what Juris scorns. And yet Juris' way is the one of greater power, ultimately. Compassion is power, that is what he wants her to know. Her love never made her weak. That is why he brings her back to her past, to the memories of her aunt that she locks away because of the vulnerability they make her feel.

She blames herself for the deaths she could not prevent, for falling for the Darkling's lies. She locks that hurt away. But he knows the capacity to feel so strongly that pain is what makes her so strong.

After all that pain, Juris does not ask her to stand up, to toughen herself, to fight. To do anything that she believed made her strong. He asks her to forgive. To forgive herself, most of all. And when Juris is dying and Zoya becomes the dragon, he echoes the theme he began to teacher her when he brought her back to her past. Stop punishing yourself for being someone with a heart. Love is strength, not weakness. To let your wounds heal is what allows you to grow.

Don't leave me. Not you too. Zoya, who spent her life building herself up, working so that she would never feel weak again. At the moment where she becomes her most powerful, she is returned to her weakest and most vulnerable. But she isnt here to fight it and conquer it. To live is to grieve. You are strong enough to survive the fall. Sometimes to let go is the most powerful thing we can do.

in essence:

At the end of the day, the Grishaverse is about the power of love. Look at the first trilogy. Alina and Mal's love is what destroys the fold. Six of Crows is not as grand, but its all about individual love saving individual people. Kaz and Inej as they learn to heal. Nina and Matthias as they break boundaries and prejudice. Wylan and Jesper and the way they teach eachother that they are worthy of love, that its unconditional, flaws and all. Zoya's arc is no different. Juris breaks her from the Darkling's lies she didnt know she was still holding on to, and teaches this girl who wanted nothing more than to be strong and to be safe, that it was this thing she had so desperately tried to tuck away that made her the strongest of all. That's it, really; thats the message of the entire Grishaverse to me:

To love is the most powerful thing we can do.

thakns for coming to my ted talk lmao

[esterzach]

I was waiting for this. And that was good! Like really good. Lan ... I was waiting for him to get back on track, because like oy, the writers, what was that about? A whole season of Lan just... existing. And going around aimlessly? Why? Like whyy? Also, he went to the Tower to read about stilling and shielding? When? And how? But mostly when? Also how the hell does he know so much about stuff most of the people around him have no clue ... the other episode they were explaining to him basic things, like he was an idiot, including that there are other ways to communicate than the Bond. You don't say - if only we could speak, write, observe body language... He understands her just fine. But... I feel like, or I explain it to myself, that his respect for her, his resolve to give her freedom, and not to confront her, were in the way here. That conversation should have happened months ago. As in the moment they shake off the shock from The eye, I assume he would have looked around, thought for a day or two, and he would have figured it out. "Huh, so I am not raging, not going to off myself, not going into dumb battles. Interesting. And Moiraine.. well she is quiet, bitchy, but... doesn't look like she is going insane. So something might be... off. What is happening here?"... But no... Instead "Oh, Lan maybe you have to shut up and listen." She doesn't fucking speak!! Listen to what? Her staring and breathing? And he apparently decided to go with it... Come on. He is the one who knows her better than anyone else, why would people tell him what to do and how to help? Also, spilling it to Alanna? That was supposed to be a secret or something. Tiny insignificant detail... My first thought: "Ooooh, she's gonna kill you! I am going to enjoy it!" And I was waiting for this! This exact fight. I knew she was going to lash out. But this time he went "Screw it". I mean come on, what she would do? She has no powers. Let her yell! It's fiiiineee! (It's also fun for me) And his smile there! A small victory. A confirmation. Oh, there she is! Her resentment to the idea that she would even consider that option? The disgust that appears for a second. This woman was ready to die, she had accepted it, but that was when she thought there was a reason and no other choice. Pain is not something she is afraid of. Now the dialogue could have been better, but that was just stating the obvious so maybe there was not much of room for improvement. The thing is, later on with Rand - no. Sorry. When I read these lines in the book, I actually started to cry. So hard it hit, but they were actually spending time together, he was his mentor. Here is just out of nowhere. It's hollow. And to me sounds annoying. As if he had no right to tell Rand what to do. At this point, he is the stranger who only cares about Moiraine. Same shit with Nynaeve last season. They didn't build anything, there was zero chemistry between them, and it all felt just wrong. Also the last scene, Lan guides Rand and tells him how to channel? I am sorry what? That kid pointed a blade toward Moiraine's chest and she was like Oh I trust you! Since when? U nuts? How about no? And was it necessary at this moment? What was the safer way? Rand channeling into the Waygate, or into Moiraine? Lan says "No need". If you think he might fail to open the Waygate, did you think... whattt might happen if he fucks up with the blade, especially with a power he can not control, in the form of a blade towards Moiraine's heart. I thought we agreed not to be stupid? Lan, I love you, but... don't do that again.

[lutawolf]

The 8th Sense ep 9

I'm going to hang on to the image above by bl-bam-beyond to get me through what I'm sure is to be a roller coaster.

Deep Breath... Okay Lets Do This!!!

I FUCKING LOVE THIS THERAPIST!!! That deep sigh when she says, "okay, work on yourself first." Because she knows there is no other choice. Because emotional fucking damage. I get this so much. I love you, lady.

"And when you're ready, think about what you want to do next." "I want to protect him." Sometimes love is selfless, and sometimes it's selfish. Sometimes they are a little bit of both. Here, we have someone who just wants the person they love to be safe. Not comprehending that sometimes it's better to have love than be safe.

I love bestie so much. Even though I feel an overwhelming need to smack that food out of his mouth, so I can hear him. Even if I'm just reading subtitles. I make no damn sense but there ya go.

I will say that Jae Won makes sense to Ji Hyun which is why they are simply meant to be. Even if I feel the urge to knock some mother fucking sense into everyone.

Haha, bestie over here throwing out words like narcissistic. I won't even correct him because he is funny. Apparently it's not common sense, cause you used it wrong. Still love you though boo.

I freaking love the trio so much! They are adorable. And you can't convince me otherwise. Oh lawd, he just now thought about his painful past.

Well... At least he is pretty, and he gets it now. So. 👀👀👀 And he has solid friends. Fighting! Then bestie goes and thrusts the dagger in. Damn.

Oh, this is going to be a tough scene to watch, isn't it. Those sitting next to each other talking about the incident.

Noooo!!! Him reaching out to hold his hand is gutting me.

Guys!!! Not gonna lie, I was literally holding my breath while I waited for him to go to her. Damn, that was painful. I mean, he isn't so good at it, but he is trying right. That's what matters. Ji Hyun come back and show this clueless boy how it's done!

Fuck, I hate her. She makes me want to gag every time I see her. I want to punch her in the face every time she says Oppa.

Nooooooooooo SHE DIDN'T!

Nope... I'm not okay. Everyone else can forgive. I am not in the forgiveness business. Guess I'll be the odd one out. He wanted to protect him, and then he does that. Yeah… Did that look like protection to you, do, and then you have the ability to be nice to her afterward. To not immediately go after that baby boy. Yeah, fuck this. Guess I'm gonna be the unpopular opinion here.

I love his bestie so much. Ji Hyun, you have the best bestie ever. I have mixed feelings on seeing Jae Won. I'm petty and I don't like to see him happy when he hurt Ji Hyun yet on the other side, maybe it means he is taking his fucking meds and getting his head on straight.

Oh, the look in his eyes when Ji Hyun just left. Then a deep swallow. You deserved that bitch. You really did.

Now that's unselfish love. Even believing that it's all ended. That the cunt won. He doesn't push but lets him know he supports him.

I mean... Didn't you do the same thing to Ji Hyun minus the sex. You didn't even break up officially before being back with her. Shit, I don't even know why I'm bothering to type anymore. I'm sure people have stopped reading at this point.

Shit, doesn't that sound familiar. "I apologize, I was out of my mind." I swear to god if I don't see some growth in this boy.

Oh, the boss knows. Dude, I love her. Okay, I'm pissed at you dude, but that was funny. "I'm here to eat, not listen to a fortune-teller."

OMG! I FUCKING LOVE HER!

"I can't seem to organize my life." "Then organize it." I don't know how many times I've said this. You know what the problem is, now start working towards a solution instead of sitting there and not doing anything about it. I can only help so much, eventually you've got to help yourself. "I feel like things got screwed up big time and I don't know where to begin to fix it."

Shit hit him! Oh, thank you baby Jezebel she hit him! I knew I was in love with her! Oh, I really love her. Knock some motherfucking sense into him!

There ya go. You only live once. Are you finally hearing people, asshole.

Oh! My little button nose. Isn't that just love. Love is forgiveness. For the people who deserve, who support you, and you want to be beside you. Love is forgiveness.

gif by @bl-bam-beyond

I love the song playing in the background of the kiss. Life is complicated and messy, grab your happiness where you can.

For those who read this. Thank you! 💜💜💜

[cosmicjoke]

ik you're tired of shipping stuff and I am sorry but the logic shippers have is so funny to me

like erwin saying thank you is apparently him confessing to levi bc you know 'ThEY ArE iN LoVE'

or they say how ackerbond is canon and levi followed erwin blindly because of some magical thing in his blood and that apparently that makes levi submissive and gay?

levi and hange looking at each other in the forest was apparently romantic and levi saying dedicate your heart was levi confessing?

if they actually took the shipping goggles off for a second and read the story for what it is and stopped reducing levi to a love interest and understand that their ship isn't canon, maybe the fandom would respect them more

I am so sorry to bother you with ship asks and shit but they make me want to throw myself out of the window with the logic they have and give other shippers a bad name, I am tired of them at this point 😒

Yeah, it's just mind boggling, the way shippers twist every scene with Levi to fit it into whatever ship they support, to the point they ignore what's actually going on in said scenes. It ruins your ability to objectively analyze Levi's scenes when you filter his words and actions through a preconceived idea of what you want it to mean. It's a confirmation bias. If you want Levi's final moments with Erwin to be romantic, you're going to take his show of gratitude toward Levi for freeing him from the burden of his dream to instead mean he's sending Levi some super secret confession of his romantic feelings. Or you'll take Levi's pained expression in the forest with Hange as some expression of regret that they can't be romantically together, rather than what it is, which is just Levi being in a massive amount of physical pain and feeling the weight of his own failure to bring Zeke to the capital, along with just the general badness of the situation they both found themselves in.

It does a disservice, not only to Levi's character, but to the characters these people ship him with, when you interpret every one of their actions and words through this filter of romantic love. You're necessarily going to fundamentally misunderstand them when you do that.

[marley-manson]

God the tattoo plotline in Images reads like a Full House episode, it's so painful lol. Like I get that I'm coming at this from a 2023 perspective but regardless of times a-changin it's a fundamentally annoying and conservative message, and we don't need a weirdly moralizing anti tattoo psa episode at all. I wish Radar actually had gotten a teddy bear on his ass lol.

Also I'd misremembered Hawk as only being concerned about dirty needles in an effort to keep him ic, but they did give him lines about how it's permanent and he'll hate it in a few years so boo

The nurse subplot I have more mixed feelings on. It's better written and it passes the bechdel test lol which is something, and to be fair to the episode the pro-crying in the OR side isn't like 'it's fine to fuck up during surgery' but more like 'some people take longer to adjust including other nurses here who are fine now, and Margaret's just being a hardass in this case bc she's repressed.' Plus Margaret's crying scene was very well done and very touching <3

But ultimately Margaret's points rang very true, the nurse was endangering people, and it's aggravating to see Potter undermine Margaret's authority to make a point. I'm still #Team Margaret here.

random notable details:

-- BJ is initially anti crying in the OR and thinks the nurse should be transferred, but changes his tune and follows Hawkeye's lead when Hawkeye takes the opposite stance. I think it's just a result of the nurse running out on him specifically and the show wanting someone to express the opposite viewpoint in the scene with the nurses, and he just doesn't have strong feelings one way or the other, but yk, it feeds the vibe of BJ being a follower who lowkey resents it lol.

-- Hawkeye eats a single piece of bread for lunch here after sniffing the food and deeming it all inedible apparently

-- Hawkeye being the one who encourages Margaret to express her feelings at the end went a long way towards avoiding the potentially misogynistic message of 'girls are emotional and need to cry a lot.' Thank you for being you, Hawkeye <3

-- Also Margaret yells at him for "Always trying to get into my head when there's nothing there" when he tells her to spill her feelings to him, which is a nice indication that this is a pattern for Hawkeye, encouraging repressed idiots to talk about their feelings to him, even Margaret before they're officially friends.

-- Charles had weird Frank vibes in his defense of MacArthur and yelling at Radar for coming into the Swamp.

-- The nurses being the only ones to call Margaret Hotlips in what seems like forever feels almost defensive lol, kinda like 'it's not misogynist if the women do it.' I kinda dig it though honestly, I'm very into the contentious relationship between Margaret and the rest of the nurses.

[sukifoof]

hey! if you wouldnt mind, could you share some more of your thoughts about narrachara? i found the tags you left about it really interesting

sure i love talking about my undertale thoughts!!! as im sure u saw in the tags im pretty neutral about narrachara so i guess ill tackle this in a semi organized way down below (uh tw for talking about grief i think)

i’ll start off with the things i like!! i think the argument that the narrator isn’t consistent with charas personality isn’t that strong given that we have One Scene where they’re actually talking and this is after they just watched everyone die including their father and brother most recently so. its not surprising they would speak coldly with a grin that serves as a motif for pain throughout undertale (asriel’s death, flowey, toriel’s death, sans just as a whole, undyne’s death, etc u get the point) and that alone probably cant characterize the way they are. so i do like the idea of the narrator giving chara some personality!! i personally like to imagine them as a funny quiet freak who just kind of stares at u. like this i drew this a little bit ago

i think the biggest reason i’m not too fond of narrachara is because very rarely someone coming back from the dead is done well. not that narrachara is them necessarily coming back from the dead, but it’s just kinda treated that way a lot,, i love it in cases like flowey and haruka kokonose as it’s a great metaphor for how trauma changes people, but when it’s done on the basis of “oh everyone misses them if they come back everything will be fixed :(“ its just. Not Great. that’s the exact reason flowey has issues with who he is!! flowey refuses to recognize himself as asriel because he knows that’s all anyone wants of him. they want him to be “asriel” before the trauma. guaranteed, that’s the reason he doesn’t bother revealing himself to his parents anymore. he doesn’t want to break their hearts because he feels his past self is dead. i see so many aus where “asriel” comes back and he acts as if he didn’t go through all that trauma and it’s like. that was. the entire point of his character. he can’t be who he was before chara’s death. (i think askfallenroyalty tackles that issue extremely well everyone should read it)

narrachara is widely accepted as canon and it kinda builds up chara as this character that isn’t very apparent or concrete in the actual game,, they speak in one scene and everything else has to be inferred. that’s probably why it’s such an easy theory to grab onto, chara’s personality isn’t very easy to figure out… i really like the little details, like them speaking in a way that doesn’t fit a kid with huge words and calling themself a demon and how they mostly speak in kanji in the japanese translation and that they like chocolate and flowers… the character i feel points the most towards chara’s personality is asgore. toriel and asriel are extremely similar in the way that they grieve and view themselves, and based off what we know about asgore and chara, they were likely also extremely similar. the two halves of the dreemurr family kinda touch on what’s worth sacrificing a life for and i think it’s really interesting

i think flowey has issues with asgore for the same reason he has issues with chara, even if he wants to pretend that they’re the only person that could understand him. asgore loves his family and his people, so much that he’s willing to kill for them. he’s willing to put himself and others at risk for the hope of his people, and chara acts in a similar way. asgore and chara both had this immense pressure on them to provide hope for everyone. chara is willing to die for their family and to get revenge on humans, just like asgore. toriel and asriel, on the other hand, never want to lose anyone. nothing is worth a loved one dying. but, chara likely viewed themself as some kind of variable rather than a person who was loved. everyone in the dreemurr family takes on this responsibility to save everyone and bring hope to everyone, but no one should have to shoulder that kind of pressure. toriel and asriel can’t keep their loved ones with them forever to keep them safe, just as asgore and chara can’t keep everyone happy with their sacrifices. it’s an impossible task for them all to believe they can save everyone.

i think if narrachara is done in a Specific Way it can handle their character well, though!! my personal take on narrachara is that they “woke up” and figured this is just How It Is now. they failed, so they just have to deal with the consequences. throughout the no mercy and pacifist routes they seem to come to some kind of conclusion built on their guilt and feelings towards their family. i always thought it was interesting how in the dreemurr fights all the jokey items are suddenly serious, like butts pie just becoming pie. i really don’t think they thought their death would have that big of an impact. narrachara should give some closure to chara and asriel… chara needs to know how much they meant to their family and asriel needs to know that it’s okay to say goodbye and let go.

kinda going off on a tangent here but i think about flowey’s “see you later, chara” a lot,, i like to think of it as more metaphorical than literal as it’s often taken as… chara is the catalyst of everything that happened in the game, and him saying see you later is like him accepting that it’s over. they’re gone, and that’s okay. it’s his last goodbye to his sibling at their grave. i’m sure deltarune will clear up the fuzzy details about the connection between the player and protagonist and narrator but For Now i just wanna think about it as flowey being able to finally let go

so Basically i think narrachara is good if it’s able to serve the themes of the game if that makes sense?? of course anyone can do what they want with narrachara!! i just feel very strongly about it cuz of my Character Analysis Brain where everything needs to be done for a reason,, it’s very interesting to see how everyone reacts differently to the things in undertale based on their own experiences. i initially wrote like wayyyy more than this and then somehow it all got Deleted which sucks cuz it misses out on a lot of points i made BUT!! its fine i got the general message across i think… i just really like how undertale handles grief as i’ve seen lots of things not handle it well at all while the dreemurrs feel the most realistic to me. dreemurr family my beloved <3 thank u for this ask i really wish tumblr hadn’t eaten most of the things i said 😔