#so hopefully thatll give me some energy

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

ill have to get to my replies later but i need to update right now

teddy was getting even worse, the meds were horrible to him and he just started to take a dive. he was dead weight, couldn't stand it was devastating to see him trying to pee or do anything really only to just fall. he was confused, scared, couldnt sleep for more than a couple minutes after having literally tried to calm him like a baby. this wasn't your typical sedative, calming med loopiness this was extreme, ive never seen a cat act this way before, let alone while on relaxants. its hard to explain but when you've experienced cats pass before you just know the signs and he was showing them rapidly later in the morning. i had another total breakdown so mom took the reigns and called them and absolutely ripped them apart. they're at fault for this getting worse, for this horrible medication, for not leaving the catheter in for longer like i said i wanted so he wouldnt have to go through that procedure AGAIN, its invasive enough ONCE let alone 2 or 3 times, for not ensuring he could pee on his own before just sending him off carelessly, for not communicating and hyperfocusing on money for issues that arent even an issue night now and could be done later. blockages are difficult to address as is, but the way they went about it made it even worse. the vet told us to get him in right away for the reaction to the new medication, and we were firm that we are NOT paying this is their fault I'm amazed teddy was able to make it through the night, he's so incredibly strong

as much as i dont ever want to go back there im doing everything for him and we raced him there, they're going through all kinds of checks to make sure he's ok and also working on his peeing. he had a wet bowl movement before i got the call, which couldve been from the sudden change to his prescription diet, the new med, the situation or anything, but was so weak he couldnt even stand so it got all over him, i had to wash him off and that seemed to kind of kick him into moving again, not much but a lot more than i had seen all morning after becoming exhausted, almost like it switched him back on to keep fighting.

so far he's doing well his bp is only slightly high due to the stress of being there but hes inflamed which also is making the urine they can push out tinged with blood. they're monitoring him constantly in fact she (this is a different vet from the owner, ive had good experiences with her) said he's being held almost all the time by another staff member, she will be giving him a boost of antibiotics as an injection and a single anti inflammatory since he got his bloodwork done and he doesnt have any kidney or liver issues or anemia/anything else. they offered for me to stay with them there so i can be with him but i needed to get back to my other babies to make sure they dont stress more either, i have to keep them healthy too so im getting updates over the phone. hes eating there hopefully thatll give him a boost of energy because though they can bring him out and walk him around/play hes still very sleepy. he hasnt peed but his bladder isnt full either, i asked why since he was drinking like crazy and she said its likely because he's dribbling tiny amounts almost constantly, his blanket has some small spots (i noticed when he was home his peepee was wet a lot but no full pees) im going to be grabbing him again soon before they close and then taking him back first thing in the morning for her to check his bladder again, if its full and hard again she's putting a catheter in again. she's also giving me a prescription for a bladder relaxer thats non drowsy, but its a gamble what pharmacies have it. we still are firm we are not paying, i'm still so scared because if they DO try to ding us with the bill we will absolutely be out of donations to help, the last bill was $606, on top of that all the gas needed to even get there and back is crushing, and i have no idea what will happen but its not something i can even think about right now

idk how its going to go we're just taking this one step at a time, my anxiety has made me so sick i want this nightmare to be over with and him at home safe and sound.

again thank you all so much for your concerns for my boy, all the help, the donations, the kind words its incredible how many are wishing and working for his recovering ill update again and get to replies as well when i can

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[technicalthinker]

Im in this weird place in my life where it feels like a probable future ill be happy with is unattainable

Like a part of me rly would love to work from home as a freelance artist and hopefully in the future move have a dog and move to a house (and hopefully someone to share it with). But I also feel like I just cant mentally and physically deal with the tempo and demand to actually make it in that line of work.

Another part of me is looking at what other liferoad options there would be, but everything else feels just as unattainable for similiar reasons or at least wouldnt give me the circumstances for the dream life lmao

[galaxiabreaker]

*fucks around and barely has the energy to get out of bed*

[oswednesday]

so when fiddleye died my mom was like in a huge rush to take him outside and i should have like grew a spine about having him be there until the other cats came to sniff, idk if we even live in a state that allows backyard burrying gfgd its unsanitary at any rate tho this is like a very animal dense area so i suppose its unavoidable regardless, i want to dig him up and either like wire up his skeleton and decorate him like a jeweled saint or like find a place thatll do post bury cremations and have him be in a little cat shaped urn, idk whichll be more respectful and thatll be for like after i leave like ill leave, come back, get his body in the dead of night and leave again, maybe they wont even know im visiting how ill (read: very cool) would that be omg,  knives slept by the back door thats in the room my mom has as a master bedroom thats def suppose to be a dining room or a general living area, like this place is clearly like one of those places people who live in the city come to the beach in to change into swim suits, bbq and go back to the city but the region and country at large doesnt really suppose that class anymore so this was converted very half assly into a home like the listing says its four bedrooms but the one “bedroom” is an unevenly poured concrete floor where the washer and drier would be hooked up and like half of the water and heating stuff ends up there, then theres my room which is like skirting the line of the size allowance for a bedroom in a house of this sqfootage like if i didnt have a window i dont think it would count gfgfd they tried to expand it and legitmize it with this closet space but theres a weird like slide door thing that you can just pull back and get into the other room that was def sliced in half with a middle closet and theres like this weird like hole that runs from both rooms to the outside? im worried my brother thinks i put the hole in the closet as he recently put tape on his side of it after like vaccumning his room for the first time on his own fdgdfgdfg i suppose i should have covered the hole up but like i didnt think it looked directly into his room rather the interior of the middle closet and its so low to the ground and it the corner like that i just sorta forgot about it until i noticed the light coming through it was extra bright cause of the tape he put over it, like why is there a hole that runs through two rooms to the outside???? all the doors also had locks on the outside too like, really weird, really weird she bought this place like like energy seeks like places i suppose, omg off topic, i have a lot of back through dumping to do, 

anyway knives was sleeping by the backdoor for a few days and then eventually came to sleep where he died and my mom was like “those two didnt get along shes happy hes gone” basically and i was just so speechless like gfgfdgf???? cause like when she isnt sleeping shes been picking up the mewoing and gathering people to take care of cat buisness which was his thing and it was just such a horrible shocking thing to hear some one say about an animal thats displaying like an understanding of death like, because he’d gone the other two have been walking his paths and like even the one cat who doesnt really like to climb has been going up on the higher paths when the other one was sleeping in the death spot and by the door like?? it was such a deranged thing for her to say and its been like haunting me since so hopefully like getting it down will help shake it off, knives has picked my brother to be The Person which is really regrettable but : // i am leaving so i wont have that guilt about it, like he doesnt let the cats in his room and has the only door in the house and my mom coddles him over the cats like all his life like id get yelled at if i like stopped a cat from tearing up my stuff but He Has Allergies so the cats keep out of his room (his allergies are like plant based sxdfsd) ive been like no the cats cant knead freely on my things and sometimes i dont want the cats in my room my mom acts like im betraying The Family over it, its really,,,but knives will sleep on the back of the couch up against the wall the living room and my brothers room shares or she’ll stand outside his bedroom door and meow, shes taken to like waiting by the door for him and he barely gives her the time of day, they both yell at her constantly, like fully scream at her for meowing in the morning

[vyladromeave]

Mr. Zvahl has updated!

Chapter 6: Forage and Found

(Read the full thing on AO3!)

(A/N: nbvGJDFSFSD THIS IS SO LATE IM SORRY. It was TECHNICALLY done like a week or so ago but it was under 1k words and i just couldnt Post It mnbdsfghfsd. ANYWAYS now its nearly 2k so hopefully thatll make up for the wait nfdsbghdjsf. i have been Neglecting Zoey so now you have to read So Much about my beautiful elf wife mndsfbhjsfdk. not much else to say, ill edit this if i can think of anything important. Also Once Again gentle reminder tht i would seriously reccomend reading this on ao3 instead because tumblr formatting makes the spacing Whack but whatever man u do u,,,, you do u,,,,,, dshjgsfd ANYWAYS Hope u enjoy!!)

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They had been walking for some time now. She had explained on the way out there that the path used to be much clearer, but too much overgrowth in the area had made reaching difficult. It was still possible, it just took extra time. In their case, it had taken a good half-hour at least. (It could have taken longer, but he wasn’t too good at keeping track of the time these days.)

As they approached he wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but now that they were there, he realized it wasn’t actually that different from what he’d imagined. His only experience in portals were the ones that lead to the nether- it somewhat shocked him to see that this portal wasn’t much different. It was about the same size and shape, though the material was different and it gave off an energy that was much less malevolent. Even then, its aura made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and it wasn’t even activated.

“The portal leads to the Irene Dimension. That’s where we believe Aphmau, and all those that went with her, are trapped.” she continued.

He looked to her, silently asking permission if he could get a closer look, although she didn’t seem to notice. He took it as a yes. He approached the portal to get a closer look while she talked.

“I’ve been working for nearly a decade to find a way to open it again. Nothing has worked so far, but I’m getting close. I can feel it.”

“How so?”

She was somewhat thrown off by how direct his question is. “I- well- when I first started working on this… I didn’t really know what I was doing? I was just throwing things together, I didn’t understand any of it. And now… well, there’s a lot I still don’t understand, I won’t lie about that. Emmalyn was our resident Irene expert, but we lost her to the portal too. But I’ve also learned- I know what I’m doing now, I know the end goal. I just need to figure out how to get there.”

He nods, though his focus is still mostly devoted to the portal. He understands what she means now when she said there was a lot she didn’t understand- if he was in Zoey’s place he wouldn’t even know where to start. It takes him a solid minute to recognize that no, those “scratches” he spotted on the portal are words, and in some language he has no clue of recognizing. He shakes his head. He would love to help out, of course he would, but he isn’t cut out for this.

“Well, you’re the barrier magicks user. If anyone could do it, it’s you.”

She sighs and nods. “I suppose so. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Of course it’s a good thing. The town just needs to have faith in you.”

“It’s been ten years. There’s not much faith left to go around.”

“Well, what about you? Do you think you can do it? Bring them home?”

She pauses for a second, but nods. “Yes. I do.”

“Then that’s good enough for me. That settles it.”

She gives him a look and tilts her head, confused. “Settles what, exactly?”

“I think I’d like to stay here. In Phoenix Drop. At least until everyone returns.”

“Oh!” She smiles, but took another moment to process and “Oh.” Her face drops. “I- I mean that’s great, I’m glad you’d like to stay, but- this could take years. Decades. Centuries, even. You could be long dead by the time everyone is back here.”

“That’s fine. It’s worth the wait.”

She was startled by his ease in acceptance. “That’s- I mean- you could-“ she takes a breath to calm herself. “Alright. Welcome to Phoenix Drop, Mr. Zvahl.”

~~~

She had agreed to take him out to the portal if he would do some work for her in return. Nothing too strenuous, she wasn’t cruel, but it was nice to have help every once in a while.

For as good as he was in navigating the forest, he knew next to nothing about the plant life within it. Or plant life in general. She spent a solid ten minutes explaining to him what they were looking for, “Four leaves, notched edges, somewhat pointy at the ends. You’ll know you have the right plant if the base of the leaf is much thicker than the edges.” His understanding seemed to be shaky at best, but he didn’t want to waste more time when they were supposed to be gathering. And so he wandered north, she went a bit south, and hoped that he had at least a basic understanding of what they were looking for.

She hadn’t found too many- but she figured as much. It took some time to get to the better spots where the plant often grew in, which they had instead spent observing the portal (as if she didn’t spend enough time on that blasted thing already). So she paid it no mind when he was late meeting back up by a couple minutes. And then ten went past. Then fifteen. It was just enough time to make her start to worry when she’d spotted him returning. That was another odd thing about him, sometimes he was easier to spot with your eyes than to notice with your ears. He was oddly quiet, inhumanly stealthy. She’d wanted to say he was just good at that sort of thing, but what kind of person can disappear in a forest but can’t tell an acorn from a rock? Either he was oddly talented, or there was something even odder going on here, and it bugged her a bit too much.

Her mind was taken off the question when he’d stopped in front of her and she got a good look at him. She understood now why he was late- he seemed uncomfortable, and kept shifting the rather large pile of plants he gathered around. It was a bit hard to tell with the gloves he wore, but she swore she could see splotches of red creeping up his arms.

“Is this stuff we’re gathering… supposed to be itchy?”

And just like that, her suspicions were confirmed. “Well- yes, that is normal for that plant. But it’s also not the plant I told you to gather.”

“It’s not?” He said, looking down at the bundles of leaves in his arms.

“No, it isn’t. I sent you to gather lushsprout. The plants you’re holding look like poison ivy.”

A blank expression slowly grew on his face as he stared through the plant he’d gathered and into the middle distance. A look Zoey could only describe as regret took hold, and he dropped everything he had spent so long gathering as the name finally registered in his brain.

“One moment.” he said and rushed off in the direction of what Zoey could only assume was the nearest water source, a desperate attempt to wash off the red splotches that had already begun to form on his skin. Zoey couldn’t help but snort- it was the most emoted she had seen him ever, and yet it was all so comical.

Well, there was nothing comical about poison ivy, she supposed. It was mildly annoying at best, and painful at worst- but judging by his seeming unawareness she figured he would be alright this time. It would certainly make a good story for later, at least. They had done enough herb gathering for the day.

~~~

They made their way back to Phoenix Drop, recuperating at Aphmau’s house. He washed his hands and arms once again, as well as his gloves in order to make sure they were completely poison-ivy-free. (He’d gathered too much to be completely unscathed, but it was something he could deal with.) Zoey made him tea once again, and Vylad didn’t have the heart to turn her down. Of all the citizens of Phoenix Drop, he’d grown to like her and Dante the most.

She was kind and thoughtful, and understanding of his quiet demeanor. Where Dante often barged in and forced conversation, Zoey understood the importance of silence. They hadn’t physically talked much, though he discovered that he’d somewhat enjoyed just hanging out around her, helping her gather herbs, looking at her miniature garden, whatever trivial way they decided to pass the time. She was certainly more suspicious of him than Dante was (so perhaps she was smarter too), but Vylad figured it was justified and tried to not let it bother him much.

In a strange turn of events, he ended up the one to break the silence.

~~~

“...Just how often does Kawaii~Chan bake?”

“Well, she’s been doing it less often lately, since she’s got a child to look after now, but…”

“So not too often, then?”

She could’ve sworn he sounded almost disappointed. “Gods no, Kawaii~Chan is an unstoppable force when it comes to cooking. The day there is a force strong enough to prevent her is probably the day the world ends.”

She chuckled a bit at her own joke, Zvahl never laughed (or reacted much to anything at all, she’d noticed), so she did for both of them. Maybe it was a bit conceited, but in her eyes it let them both enjoy it, even if he was reluctant to show such feelings. “Why, were you hoping to get some of her sweets yourself?”

“Uh-”

“Have you ever even had her cooking? It’s very good, I’m just not sure why you’d be so interested…”

“Yes, I did. At that breakfast, about a week ago.”

“You’ve been craving her cooking for a week? ”

“Well-”

Any form of excuse was interrupted by more of her laughter, this time it was entirely for herself. Was he so reserved that it had taken him a week to ask about something as trivial as baking? She glanced over him once again to make sure she wasn’t missing anything- only finding what she decided was a hint of embarrassment. He opened his mouth to speak, and she nearly found herself laughing again when he closed it and glanced away.

She stifled her laughter to save him from any more embarrassment, and gave him a knowing wink. “Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word with her for you if you want. She loves to bake after all- I’m sure she’d be happy to make you something.”

It was muffled by the scarf which most of his face had retreated into, but through the cloth she swore she heard him give a mumbled, “... Thank you...”

Perhaps she was wrong. He had plenty of emotion. Zoey would just need to learn where to look.

~~~

[chadhowsefitness]

New Post has been published on Bringing Back Manliness | Alpha Male | Chad Howse Fitness

New Post has been published on http://chadhowsefitness.com/2017/01/3-stoic-lessons-thatll-change-your-life

3 Stoic Lessons That'll Change Your Life

If you could sum up stoicism it would be the ability to decipher what you can and cannot control. Most people in our society spend time and energy and even lifetimes focusing on things that are completely out of their control, and in some way, in some time during our day, we all do it.

What follows are extensions of that fundamental focus. Hopefully they will benefit you as well as they have benefited me.

1. Pursue Hardship

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man without trials. ~ Seneca

To endure is not enough. We all face hardships in our lives, and to simply go through them without complaining is not enough to constitute a life well lived. One must pursue hardships, aim high enough to experience the greatest trials, face fears so great that an average man would crumble.

Don’t pat yourself on the back because you’ve endured some kind of trial. Realize, in order to live well and to flourish, you need trials to forge the manly virtues and qualities that grand goals depend on.

Go into the dark corners of the world. Attempt what others are afraid to do. Endure when most would quit and give up. Persist longer, strive harder, get up earlier, work harder, and do all of the things that are becoming unpopular in our modern politically correct society.

In short, seek our trials because they make you the man you want to become. It’s trials that will help you become a winner.

2. Fear Regret

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. ~ Marcus Aurelius

We avoid death more than we live life. Rather than doing what our souls define as living, we seek safety in the form of mediocrity and ease. We do only what we know we can do rather than doing what frightens and excites us.

Not ever beginning to live should be your greatest fear, not death.

Death is a constant. You will die, but will you live?

First, define what living is to you. Rarely do we sit down and genuinely and persistently think about this question. We wonder about life’s meaning but never what it asks of us.

Living demands action, constant action, and the avoidance of roads travelled simply because we’re expected to travel them. It requires us to question foregone conclusions and ways of doing things, be they trends or ways of life that have become normal.

I can imagine a life lived without adventure. Adventure is life’s breath. It’s going far beyond what you deem as safe. It’s living something worth writing, as Ben Franklin put it. This living, however, cannot exist for the amusement and entertainment of others. You’re not living so you can tell grand stories when you’re out with your pals drinking. You’re embarking on adventures because of what you get from it, the branding an adventure does to your soul.

Fear never living. Wake up in the morning with dread in your heart that, if you don’t act now, and act with daring ambition, you’re going to wake up preparing for death, never having truly lived.

Then wake up tomorrow with that same fear, and the next day and the next day after that.

Let this fear be powerful. Let it shake you into action.

Be very concerned about how you’re living your life and whether or not you’re genuinely living. Are the paths you’re traveling yours or are they laid out by the expectations of a society that tells you what you should aspire to create and have and peers that motivate you to measure life on their terms or in comparison to how they’re going about it? (Read This: The Greatest Fear A Man Can Have)

Don’t go a day without questioning your path and your actions within that path.

Are you living? Are you heading in a direction that will make you feel alive? What makes you feel alive?

3. Find Opportunity in Disaster

Difficulty shows what men are. Therefore when a difficulty falls upon you, remember that God, like a trainer of wrestlers, has matched you with a rough young man. Why? So that you may become an Olympic conqueror; but it is not accomplished without sweat.” ~ Epictetus

We tend to get down when difficulty enters our lives. It’s the natural way of thinking. When something unplanned and negative happens, we pity ourselves rather than seeing such an event as Epictetus describes above.

Don’t just accept difficulty, revel in it. See it as opportunity rather than disaster. Our history of humans is written by men who’ve overcome difficulty, who’ve found the good in it while others chose to pity their plight.

A decade ago I developed horrible spending habits. I spent as my pals spent – which was a lot. I bought because I wanted. I wasn’t in control of where my money went and thus, it went. Combine my ignorance with some bad business breaks and I found myself in seemingly insurmountable debt.

It sucked. Gone was my financial freedom. Gone was my ability to do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. In front of me, however, was a great opportunity that has served me well ever since.

I needed to learn to budget. I needed this lesson to come into my life to buck the trends of a consumer society where people place value not on work done, accomplished, or character, but on stuff. It’s idiotic, but I needed a painful lesson to teach me how dumb that focus on life is so when I did make money, I wouldn’t fall into the same trap again.

Crisis is a gift. It’s a teacher. Use it, don’t let it use you, break you, crush you. There are lessons in every moment of our lives, and we either choose to see them or choose to ignore them.

Take the path of the warrior, not the coward. Don’t pity where you are, learn from where you are and do what you must to climb out of the despair you find yourself in.