#so hopefully a year or so from now we'll be able to hang out outside with pups and they'll have room to run all out if they like

[whippetcrimes]

Not really a puppy update, but kind of one anyways:

Over the course of this year, our neighborhood has been increasingly unsafe. From very occasional incidents over the years we've been here, to multiple shootings and murders within a quarter mile of our house, just in the past couple months we're at 7-8 incidents. I even was outside about 20ft away from people shooting at each other in their cars (terrifying). Our county has had a couple city council sessions to try and address the violence. But, tbh, I just don't think I'm able to feel safe here. Which is to say, essentially, in the hopefully nearer-than-not future, we will be moving.

As much as I badly want Misty to have a sister and as disappointing as it is to have the ideal timeline disrupted, future miss felony probably exists at least a year, maybe even two, away. Unless some maybe maybes happen. On the brightside, a non-negotiable is a bigger yard/more land, so the pup(s) will be very happy with their zoom space.

[papermonkeyism]

For the new year, I wish I'll get to hang out with people again.

This past year has been, frankly, pretty miserable, specially since early summer-ish when my DnD group went on a months long break. Wasn't the first one, nor the last one, but definetely the worst one. Don't really have other friends locally, aside from one old school mate.

Honestly it's been pretty bad ever since the start of the pandemic when we stopped hanging out outside of DnD sessions and my fave coffee places closed down along with couple of my fave restaurants, and I just... Stopped having a social life, but now it's so much worse. As said, I have one (1) friend outside of the group I sometimes go shopping with, and one of my DnD buddies hangs out with me maybe once a week to borrow my laundry machine for couple hours, and they are probably the only reasons I haven't broken completely so far.

But neither of them are storytelling people the same way I am, so I'm kinda holding back when we hang out, as I can't really go all in with my special interests on them.

Downsides of being socially awkward introvert.

The summer break from roleplaying was a trigger for anxiety and maybe the worst creative block of my life so far. As someone who basically thinks with a sketchbook it was pretty fucking stressful not being able to draw anything for several months!

I crave creation and storytelling, but my brain is made of goo. Like imagine if someone came and asked you to pick a water from a pool and hand it to them? But it's liquid! Can I get a cup or something, but they just scoff. You got hands, right, just pick one up and hand it over. So I'm just left trying to scoop handfuls of wet and grabbing nothing. Kinda how it feels.

Started marathoning Crit Role to distract myself from the worst of it and to have at least some kind of creative energy in my life, and consumed what must be over half a thousand hours of role playing. At least that was fun!

And when nights started stretching and seasonal depression started to creep into my already not-doing-good brain I started my routine of evening walks because at some point I was legitimately going stir crazy enough to explode otherwise.

It's also been my first full year of joblessness in a long while. I was already having hard time by the end of last year, because my brain has difficulty handling full time jobs for long stretches of time, and ten months in a row not being able to recharge was starting to weight on me, so I had made a plan to get my brain sorted out with the ADHD diagnosis and hopefully medication before applying for jobs again, but turns out the process took the entire year, and then some, and I still don't have the meds yet. I have been given the thumbs up on them, but turns out me stressing for the better part of a year has triggered blood pressure problems (runs in my family, so honestly probably just a matter of time, but it's still very inconvenient to happen right now), so I have to sort that out first before it's safe to try stimulant medication.

And then there was the death in the family and a close friend's cancer diagnosis (fingers crossed!) and I just haven't had a great time, you know.

January's going to go into medical stuff in the hope of getting the ADHD meds, so maybe I could one day grab those thoughts again. The unemployment office is also pestering me again, so we'll see how that'll go.

I think I'll see if I can make myself a regular at the new cat cafe in town. Cats make everything better. Also looking forwards to actualizing a tattoo plan or two! Springtime is coming too, eager to continue my evening walk routine with returning sunlight. And I really, really, really need to create something again.

So here's for what I sincerely hope to be a better year than this past one! Cheers.

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

3, 14, and 17 for the ask!

3. Is your practice more ritualistic or casual? What does it look like?

It's uh...ritualistically casual? Casually ritualistic? I haven't gotten to really practice with anyone (other than doing tarot readings for people - both for friendship, barter, and for pay - I'm really trying to get a career of this off the ground, as I've been reading casually and professionally for 30+ years now, and I do consider tarot/rune/oracle/psychometry readings and dream interpretations as much worship/practice as anything else) - oh and that one guided meditation circle I went to back several months ago - in hell. 20 years maybe? Or just nearly. So most of my practice is pretty casual with some ritual elements - I keep an altar, I burn candles and incense nightly when I go to bed (I'd burn incense more often but too much of it really bugs my sister, and her room is next to mine right now - hopefully when we can finally move east, we'll find a place where our rooms are more opposite ends of the house we rent), I put out offerings of liquor and sometimes food. More often the food offerings go to the outside altars, which right now, I only have a very small shrine to Elegua (ALL Tricksters are honored by me, so every culture's Tricksters are welcome to hang out). I include my gods in my day to day existence, even if that means I'm wandering around the grocery store - "What should we make for supper? What sweet treats should we get for dessert? Would you look at that asshole taking up the whole aisle?"

But I haven't 'drawn' a ritual circle in forever, I haven't called the elements, the directions, I haven't set up ritual space for each holiday, though to be fair, even when I did that with my ex and our friends, we were generally still pretty casual. Ritual robes started to be really unwieldy and definitely dangerous when lighting candles and almost knocking over the wine. Often our ritual regalia was less about clothing and more about painting our faces for the holidays with images and symbols important to each of us at that time. I'd like to get back into doing more (casually) formal rituals once we move and depending on which of my friends in the area we're moving to (or close enough to it) are able to meet up for them. I think I'd still have almost a Dude mentality of ritual, and from hanging out with my gods (predominantly the Nordic pantheon mixed with, again, all the Tricksters and quite a few of the Celtic deities), they always feel really cool with not getting super fancy about it.

14. How would you define your Gods? (have fun with that one)

Hah! Hahahahaha! Define my gods? Me? Oh no. No no no. I live with them, I invite them into the space where I live (I don't consider it home - home will be when we leave Texas, get to the ocean, and can breathe again), I share meals with them, and I learn about the layers upon layers of their history and personality from them, but I don't think I could ever define them. I think they're beyond definition.

17. Do you associate certain Gods with specific songs? Share them!

I have a few. I mean, anything and everything by Wardruna resonates with all the Nordic gods.

But some specifics off the top of my head:

Riders on the Storm by The Doors - Thor and Loki It's known that Thor is the god of storms and thunder, but Loki is the god of lightning, as that was his father (Farbuti, "dangerous striker" aka lightning) striking against Laufey (whose name some scholars believe means "full of leaves"), thus creating Loki - who is a god of fire and lightning (as well as mischief, chaos, change, storytelling, misfits).

Songs from the Wood by Jethro Tull - Loki

Velvet Green by Jethro Tull - Loki but also Freya and Freyr

Locomotive Breath by Jethro Tull - Odin

As you can tell, Jethro Tull is one of my favorite bands. My late brother (druidic in his own beliefs and practices) introduced me to them in full in my teens when he helped to steer me toward the Celtic and especially the Nordic gods, so I have a very reverent feel toward this band, my gods, and my brother (he was the one to introduce me to tarot and runes as well).

Those are songs off the top of my head. I'd like to spend more time with music and the gods - see which music I might already like that Anansi or Old Man Coyote would pick out for their own. Which ones Eris might choose. Which ones Frigga or Sif or Sigyn might like best.

Oh oh wait. Sigyn. Goddess of Victory, Goddess who "holds the bowl" so that Loki might survive in less pain and come out to fight for their children.

We Will Rock You - We Are the Champions by Queen - that is definitely Sigyn

I will say that it seems like they're always (all of them) pretty happy when I play my favorite bands - The Doors, Jethro Tull, Queen, ABBA, Loreena McKennitt, and I imagine they've got favorites out of all of those and the variety of SCA filk-type bands that I listen to.

Polytheistic Asks here!

[hexpea]

Ch. 13 - Mitras

The next day we began the journey back to civilization, Mitras, the capital of Paradis, where we would be able to have Levi seen by a doctor.

"You should just drop me off with Commander Hange. She can take care of everything," Levi said as we approached the village using a horse and wagon.

"I don't think that'll be such a good idea. Once your comrades see you, they'll know what happened out in the forest. We don't want that to happen until we're ready, so you'll need to hang out with us," I explained, "now get under the blanket while we pass through the gate." Levi rolled his eyes and hid himself under the blanket. I was surprised that he listened, he really had power in his position while we were in the city.

Once we were safely into Mitras, we took Levi to a nearby hospital that he told us about. Zeke and I stood outside the front door as Levi was being looked at, his femurs being reset.

"I won't force you to be seen," Zeke took a drag on his cigarette. He began increasing his intake as he approached the end of his life. "I feel like I understand why you've been avoiding it. I'll stop pressuring you." His voice was low, as if it still upset him.

"Thank you," I sighed, keeping my focus ahead of me, avoiding eye contact, "I really just want to live out the rest of our days in peace. I wish you hadn't gotten swept away with this Eren and 'sterilization' plan shit." Zeke huffed as I used finger quotes around 'sterilization.'

"I love you, but the world depends on it," he said, still quiet. The two of us watched as pedestrians strolled through the streets. It was slightly charming seeing as no one had to wear a stupid armband for being of a certain race.

"I still don't think you have the right point of view, but I feel like I've argued it all I can," I shook my head and crossed my arms, still avoiding eye contact. Zeke chuckled lowly.

"You've finally given up?" He looked over at me, blowing his smoke upwards to keep it from my face. "That's not like you."

"I feel like you've given me no choice. Time and time again, you prove to me where your priorities are. I get that the world and humanity's future is important, but Eldians are part of humanity, too. Other nations and races have also done terrible things in their past, but with help they've rebuilt and have been redeemed or are being redeemed." I gave it one more shot. It seemed as though he was giving it more thought.

"I see where you're coming from but we'll still be treated like shit for years to come until we prove ourselves..." Zeke stamped the nub of his cigarette to the ground. I rolled my eyes.

"You can't escape people that hate us. It's always going to be something, even many years from now when Eldia's past is forgotten. Someone is always going to be upset," I declared strongly, "the best we can do is educate those who are willing." Zeke gave it some more thought but remained silent.

Levi was wheeled out the front door in a wheelchair by the doctor, his legs held together with braces. He glared at the two of us, his face red likely from the pain as the doctor headed back inside. Overall, Levi looked just thrilled to be there.

I glanced at the two of them before heading in to be seen. Zeke looked at me with a relieved face as I walked in and shut the door behind me.

"Can I go meet with Hange now?" Levi asked as though he was our child that needed permission. He asked almost immediately after I closed the door behind me from my visit.

"I don't think that'll be a good idea," I started, looking at Zeke, the color returning to my face from quite an eventful physical.

"No, I think we can figure something out. Something tells me we're not in any danger here," Zeke smiled at me.

"Why's that, fleabag? Did you give the rest of the troops your spinal fluid?" Levi, now shorter than before, looked up at the two of us from his chair. I glanced at Zeke for an answer.

"Well, hopefully, but I'm thinking Eren and the so-called 'Yeagerists' may have taken over the area," Zeke smirked, "I don't think we have anything to worry about. My main priority at this point is finding Eren."

"You got what you wanted," Levi hissed, still pained from what happened in the forest.

"I'm sorry I had to do that, Levi," I apologized, "I still don't have a problem with you."

"Well I have a problem with you," his pupils dilated when they looked up at me. I shuttered at his cold look.

We checked all of the locations where Hange could have been. She was nowhere to be seen along with Yelena and the other leading Yeagerists that Zeke had told me about.

"They must be out looking for us," Zeke guessed. I nodded and looked down at Levi for further instruction. "Do you have any information on Eren's whereabouts?"

"No," Levi said flatly, "the last I heard was that he was being held in a cell that he's likely escaped at this point."

"We can check the cells anyway," Zeke began walking in that direction. I grabbed the handles of Levi's wheelchair but he grabbed the wheels and jerked them away from me.

"I can do it myself," he growled.

"Yikes, okay," I laughed at his angry demeanor.

We walked our way through the busy city streets to get back to the main building at the center of the district. We had already been there several times that day in search for Hange, but neglected to check the jailcells.

"Well, this is quite a surprise," Zeke laughed loudly to find a group of scouts locked up. Several of them gasped and said his name when he showed up in front of the cell. Others also exclaimed Levi's name.

"What have you done to Levi?!" A black-haired female in a red scarf stood immediately. The blond fellow beside her silently stood to back her up.

"A miscalculation," Levi answered for us, miscalculations really seemed to be a theme, "but all is fine." I was surprised to hear Levi say that. He must be on Zeke and Eren's side despite what happened or something similar. I felt saddened to know that so many believed that extermination was the only way out. "My gear malfunctioned while in the forest."

"Now which one of you is going to tell me where Eren is?" Zeke looked at each person who avoided eye contact. They remained silent and Zeke sighed in disappointment. "Well then, you're all useless." He began walking up the stairs without me.

"But Zeke...Levi!" I yelled after him. He had been helping me get him up and down the stairs.

"I'll stay here," Levi mumbled.

"Ah, yes, Levi," Zeke marched back down the stairs joyously and grabbed the key that hung on the wall, "you'll be joining your friends, staying out of trouble." He grinned at the man in the wheelchair.

"Is that necessary? He wouldn't be able to reach the key on its holder anyway," I whined, trying to buy some brownie points with Levi.

"This man," Zeke pointed at him, "is very capable. I'm not taking any chances," he declared, grabbing the wheelchair's handles, unlocking the cell door, and pushing him in.

"It's just kind of overkill," I muttered, watching him lock the door. I realized that I'd be one behind the bars if I weren't with Zeke.

"They're safe down here!" Zeke explained, hooking the keys back on their peg.

Zeke and I headed back out onto the city streets. He took in the blue sky above us and gave a deep sigh.

"I guess we should find a place to stay in the meantime. We'll eventually run into the people we need," Zeke looked around.

"I really didn't like what you did back there," I mumbled, pulling my hand away as Zeke tried to grab it. We began walking down the sidewalk. "You know, based on my ideas I'd be locked in there, too. I'm free just because we're married."

"If everything went as planned, you'd be a 'widow' and I'd be half-dead in the forest," Zeke chuckled as he gave finger quotations around the word 'widow.' I didn't think it was funny. "Sorry..." he mumbled, "things really aren't going as planned but they could be going worse. And I was just harsh back there because of Levi...he gives me a hard time and I give him one...it's just the type of relationship we have." I rolled my eyes.

"You don't have a relationship. He wants to murder you," I pointed out.

"Exactly!" He said happily. "And I want to kill him. It matches up quite nicely, don't you think?"

"Zeke, he only wants to kill you because of what you did and how you have no remorse." My mind began racing as Zeke stopped dead in his tracks.

"I may not have it on my face, but know that I deal with what I've done every day of my life," Zeke ground his teeth, his tone giving us some stares. "You're always hard asleep, but I'll wake up every night gasping for breath, seeing the small faces of Eldian soldiers getting their faces crushed in," his voice began to quiver, "Lotte, those are my people...my country had me slaughtering my own people and if I didn't listen I'd have been fed to someone else." I had a pained and twisted expression on my face. I didn't know how to respond. I knew that what he did wasn't okay but hearing how he dealt with it somehow nudged me into sympathy.  "Because I was able to survive, I'm here today to lead them into a peaceful life and to prevent any future pain."

"Zeke..." I mumbled, feeling myself fall to pieces. He came close and took me into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into the top of my head as the city street bustled around us, "I truly am...I really felt as though I had no other choice than to bring us here this way." I pulled away and looked up at him, my eyes slightly blurred from tears.

"Then let's just leave..." I whispered, "we can go to Hizuru...get out of here. There, no one needs to know we're Eldians." Zeke shook his head.

"I still feel like I have a responsibility to do this," he declared, "and by the time we get to Hizuru I'll only have a few days left. Then you'd be alone in a strange country all by yourself. At least here, you'll have someone you know."

"Barely," I scoffed, "I'd be better off going to Marley. Eren will have a few years left to live and then what? Live with the people who are locked up in those dirty cells? Yeah, I'm sure they'll let me couch surf." Zeke wasn't sure to laugh or be pained by my words based on his contorted expression.

"Well, Marley will likely be no more once this is all over. I know Eren's on my side, but he may have some additional things he'd like to do with the colossi in the walls. I'd honestly be surprised if he didn't." Zeke shrugged as we continued walking down the sidewalk.

Despite everything that had happened in the past few weeks, the sunshine on my face brought a happy feeling back into my heart. I looked over at Zeke whose glasses glinted in the sunlight, his large hand intertwining my fingers. My mind pretended that we were a normal married couple, headed off to our home somewhere in Paradis...anything to keep my mind at ease.

It took a few minutes of wandering but we found a place to stay. It was a nice, little boarding house run by a small family who didn't know who either of us was. It was a safe place. I wished that we could stay there forever...

"I've missed a mattress," I fell back onto the quilt. Zeke smiled wide at me, pleased by my happiness.

"Sleeping bags on a hard ground for a month definitely takes its toll on the spine," Zeke laid beside me and grabbed my hand that rested between us.

I rolled over to my side and curled myself into a ball next to him, my legs slightly overlapping his waist. I took in his scent, cigarette smoke and cedarwood, something I'd miss the most when he was gone. He wrapped his arms slowly around me and squeezed, a satisfied grunt noise came from deep within his chest. I looked up at him, his jawline in my view. I took a free hand and pushed some of the longer strands of hair he had behind his ear and then removed his glasses.

"We deserve a nap," I said softly, repositioning myself above his face and pecking his lips.

"I agree," he hummed, stretching out his legs before standing up.

He stood in front of me and lifted me to my feet. Holding my hand, he walked me over to a side of the bed. Carefully, he sat me down with the covers pulled back. I nuzzled myself into the mattress on my side and took in the fresh linen smell. He covered me with the quilt and tucked me in at the sides. It made me feel like a kid again.  Once I was tucked in, he went over to the other side of the bed and crawled in. I felt him scoot over to me, wrapping me against him once more. He kissed my shoulder and nuzzled into my neck, his beard tickling my skin. He took one last deep breath before falling into silence and drifting off into sleep.

[pbandjesse]

It is my dad's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary and it's a full moon and it's Friday the 13th and it's the anniversary of Scooby-Doo. There's so much good and powerful energy today. Specifically I want to say happy birthday to my dad though because I love him so much and he's gone through so much in the last couple years but he is always attacked the day with kindness just like I tell everyone else to do. I hope you have a very good birthday and I love you and thank you for being my dad.

But on my end for the most part today was not my day. I just felt really sad. Frustrated. I just wanted to come home. And it wasn't even like a real reason just everything was wrong.

I woke up this morning and I felt fine. James had to leave early because he had to go to the dentist. But he made me a sandwich before he left because he's the best. And then I got ready and left it at the bus. But even though the ride was nice I was really early. Which is normally fine but I got to the building and it was locked and the lights were off. And my anxiety just absolutely peaked.

I was convinced that I wasn't supposed to be there and that we weren't supposed to come in or they were a different site and I was so upset and distressed and convinced I did something wrong. I stood outside for about 10 minutes and finally Sarah and the other Jessie came But anxiety was still pretty bad for most of the day because of that.

We spent the first hour just kind of brainstorming by ourselves. Coming up with ideas and figuring stuff out for our lesson plans. I had a lot of ideas already written down so I just did a bunch of research and started flushing things out a little bit more concretely.

For the most part it was a good guy. But then I realized I accidentally sent all of me and James's new gardening stuff to the old apartment and I was so bummed. I just felt so stupid and I just kind of sank into myself because I was so upset. James is an amazing boyfriend though and when I told him how upset I was he took the extra time between the dentist and having to go to work to go to the old apartment and get everything to bring back so I wouldn't be sad. He's so good.

But then my new phone was attempted to be delivered to the apartment and because it needed a signature they didn't leave it. I'm glad they didn't leave it but I thought they would take it to a pickup point. But they didn't. They're just going to wait till Monday and try again and I was so bummed out. I really wanted that to come today and when it didn't I was just like super sad. And I kind of just put a damper on the rest of the day for me. I was able to figure out how to make all of my UPS packages go to the pickup point from now on and so my phone will go there on Monday so I won't have to worry about not being here. But it's still a huge bummer and I feel very dumb. Thankfully it's not like my phone is broken. I was just excited about a new thing. I wanted to get it set up tomorrow while I was at the BMI since it will probably be slow. It's all right. I'll be fine.

We had a good afternoon at work though. We went through and talked about all of the artists that we were considering for research for testing our kids. And we went through a lot of really awesome artists and it was funny that me and fitsum or actually thinking about two artists that were very off the beaten path so that was cool. And I'm really pleased with the final list that we came up with. I am sad that one of the other side of Hope for got knocked off the list that doesn't mean I'm not going to teach you about her just that she's not going to be on the test. And I got my way on the layout of the semester's so that was cool.

We finished up a little bit early and I went to grab the bus but then miss Helene drove past me and stopped and she ended up giving me a ride to Dick Blick. I knew I wouldn't see James until much later because after he's done work he's going to go to his parents house to get the car and then he's going to go to the grocery store to get ready for our cookout tomorrow.

So I went in and I gave him a hug. His other manager made a joke that a customer wanted to see him very specifically. Made me laugh. And then I walked back here.

On my walk I ran into a co-worker from the BMI and that was cool. I posted in the group today about the job openings at access art and apparently everyone was talking about how great I am over there today and have felt really good. It's not the first time someone's told me that they talk about me over there and how they say a lot of positive things so that feels really cool I'm loved. I don't always feel that way. So it's nice to be reminded.

I had to make a stop at the hardware store to look for something for James but they didn't have it so I came back here. I did a whole bunch today actually. When I got back here I kind of snack and then I started working on some drawings. Our gardening stuff was here because of James so I made little tags for the all the herbs were going to put in there and the tomatoes. And then I set up the garden itself. I probably could have bought more rocks but I still think it'll be okay and I'm going to put all of the herbs in small Planters to start with anyway. And it was pretty excellent. It was fun playing in the dirt. I also dyed my hair so that I would look all nice tomorrow. And I worked on one of my Furby tarot cards. I'm actually going to go make something to eat and then do another one. My Hope Is that in the next week we'll get everything photograph so I want to have at least a couple cards finished. Start selling them as a small set.

James should be finishing work now and then he'll go start shopping for stuff. And I'm just going to hang out here. Hopefully he'll be home soon though because I miss him. I hope you guys all have a great night. Tomorrow I have work at the BMI and then we have our little get-together. I hope people come. Seems like it might be kind of small but I don't mind that. It'll be fun to show off our new place to everyone.

Be safe out there guys. Take care of each other. Good night.

[jlpat82]

Not Our Home

Chapter 9

It had been along time since he was down here, Preacher thought, the underground halls hadn't changed. He lead the group through the maze of corridors, twists and turns in the absolute darkness. He was in front, followed by Sasha, Julianne, and Reaper bring up the rear. Each held onto the shirt of the one leading, so not to get lost.

"We need a place to stop, and devise a plan," Reapers voice just above a whisper. "To figure away out of this city."

"I know the perfect place." I responded.

"First, we need to stop by and get a few things." Preacher added. His voice calm, as we rounded another corner.

"How do you know where we are going?" Sasha whispered.

"I snuck in when the bombs starting dropping, before the seals were put into place. At first I stayed down here, to avoid being seen. This was long before the criminals took over the place."

"Why did you come here to begin with?" I asked.

"Once I realized that someone had went through and murdered the scientist on our team I knew it wouldn't be long before they came after us. It took me a while to figure out it was Riptide that betrayed us. He was the one that let the activated nukes slip past." He paused for a moment and then took another turn. "I knew that if he saw me, he would kill me. So I snuck in and went straight to darkest most unlivable place I could."

"Basement level." Sasha stated.

"Exactly, I stayed here for a long while. Roaming these catacombs, I had free roam. Once every month guards would sweep through, they didn't know the darkness like I did. I smashed every light I passed, I wanted the darkness."

"Why?" She asked.

"Being genetically modified the complete darkness is nothing for me. I can see just as well as you can in the day, the people that came down here had limited visibility. I could out run them, cause I could see them coming. The only down side, it makes daylight a bitch to handle."

"When did you go top side?"

"Couple decades back, I stayed low and kept to myself. Found out Riptide didn't hand pick the military, if that's what you call those idiots, anymore and joined. Did a lot I ain't proud of." You could hear the agitation in his voice. "We're here."

I could hear some metal on metal scrapping, Preacher let a sound of a mixture of a groan and a huff. Low light spilled into the hall as he pushed the heavy metal door open.

We stepped into the room, it was smallish. One single light bulb mounted in the far corner was the only source of light. Items I had only seen in videos hung from hooks on the wall. Old camouflage army fatigues adorned with a heavy bulky vest, no doubt reinforced Kevlar. Dusty black boots sat neatly squared under each set, large rifles artfully hung on the walls. These were items from another era. An era tense by war and bloodshed, supposedly a thing of the past.

"I believe these belong to you, Sir." Preacher handed Reaper a set, a name emblazoned across the right breast of the jacket. Harper, in bold stitching. A smile played across his face as he took them, he pulled them close.

"How I've missed you." Reaper spoke softly, pulling his shirt off. Scars lined his bare chest, I turned quickly looking at my sister. Preacher was in the middle of disrobing, changing into his uniform.

"Sasha, you can wear these." Preacher handed her a set, she gladly took them. She stripped quickly out of her slime and maggot covered clothes. They dropped with a wet thud.

"Julianne," Reaper pulled me aside, he handed me a set of fatigues. "These were your grandmother's, you should wear them."

"Why?" I cautiously took them from him, his face relaxed a bit. The kindness had returned to his eyes, something I hadn't seen since that night in my house.

"You are a lot like her." He replied as Preacher walked up to us, handing Reaper a rifle. He turned to me and pushed one in my hands on top of clothes. Bewildered, I turned my attention to him.

"Trust me, we'll need them." He stated, turning he walked back to the wall of weapons.

"News flash Rambo, we normal people don't know how to use these!"

"Easy to figure out, you hold gun, point it thing want to permanently stop and pull the trigger." He replied not looking back.

"You should get dressed." Reaper added and followed his comrade.

I stripped quickly, and put the uniform on. It was heavy and bulkier then it looked while hanging. It felt odd to put on clothes of someone who had been deceased for as long as she had been. Her being my grandmother just made it very weird. Hopefully history would not repeat.

—-

"What do you mean you lost them!" Riptide yelled inches from the guards ruddy face.

"It was guard 116, he turned on me." The poor man croaked out, his eyes averted from Riptide. His left eye was swollen shut, dried blood crusted around his broken nose.

"How?! You were supposed to be one of the best! You passed everything with honors you stupid moron!" Riptide's whole head was a bright red, a vein bulged from his temple throbbing with every word. He absent mindedly rub the back of his head. He could feel the headache starting to come on, he was beginning to wonder if he was surrounded by idiots.

Riptide stepped over to the computer, quickly typed in 116. The computer brought up the file, there was a face he hadn't seen in a hundred years. Riptide felt the blood wash from his face, as a cold chill raked through his body.

The ghost from his past popped up on screen. Preacher had just barely slipped in the force, nothing worth while on his record.  Just average, the kid knew how to cheat the system. No honors, no disciplinary actions, because of this he was able to slip under his radar.

"How long has he been on the patrol unit for the prisons?" He barked, panic raised his voice a notch as his hands started to tremble. This could be detrimental, dealing with Reaper was going to be a challenge but adding Preacher to the problem aggravated the situation. Preacher was Reaper's second in command, his go to buddy. Not only did this mean it was a two on one but Reaper would now know the lay out of entire complex.

"This was his second patrol shift." He slowly brought his eyes up, looking at his commanding officer. His brow knotted together, he saw fear in the man's eyes.

"Damn it!"

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking why is that so damning?"

"Because he only needs a day to completely memorize the entire lay out of structure. It was his unique specialty."

"Sir, the guy barely qualified on his exams, I don't see how that is possible."

"He is not as stupid as you are! That's why, his brain works at a faster and higher setting then your peanut size brain does."

"Uh, I don't think I'm following you."

"He's like me." Riptide pull his handgun out, he pointed to his own head with it. "My brain is much bigger then yours, hence why I'm in control and you are not. We, him and I, were created to be better then people like you."

"What do you mean, created?" Riptide brought the gun down leveling it to the ruddy faced guards head. He pulled the trigger, blowing chucks out of his head.

"You wouldn't understand, and now I wasted a perfectly good bullet."

—-

Reaper was in deep conversation with Preacher, he looked over briefly and pointed to the black boots. I slowly sat down, pulling a pair of socks that had been rolled up in one of the boots. I shook the dust off of them pulling them on, watching them conspire. I grabbed one of the heavy boots, I dusted it off and saw a full shine. I shoved my foot into it as Sasha came over, she sat next to me and she started doing the same.

"Wonder what their plan is." She stated, watching the two, as she laced the boots tightly.

"Escape, fight back, who knows." I sighed, I turned my head to look at my sister. Red slime still clung in her hair, blood streaked across her ivory cheek. Even in the low lighting I could see the dust that streaked her face. I never asked her to be apart of any of this, and she was in no way obligated to stay. She continued to prove me wrong.

It seemed like our old lives were hidden far deep in the past, so much had changed in a week. The world her and I grew up in had changed violently, but it hadn't changed at all. It was the same, we had just woken from the dream into a nightmare fueled by hate and bloodlust, that was our reality. The facade had been pulled back, leaving devastating results in its wake.

Genetically modified people were a reality, they stood before us, the last of a forgotten era. Living relics, trained to fight, trained to kill. They had once lived by code to protect, and that's what they were planning on doing. While one attempted to keep us at bay, by all cost.

The world outside our revered reinforced cinder walls were far from the utopia most had aspired for it to one day be. It in its self, the world as a whole, was livable, filled with horrifying wonders yet to be seen. Twisted and knarled oddies waiting to be to be gazed upon. Lands to be explored and documented, fresh air to breathed. A life I had always wanted to see.

Within these walls is the real horror show we had seen. We had been kept in check by powers beyond our control. Cruel and evil men who held our daily lives captive, not only to keep the status quo in check but actively kept our numbers in check. We had been fed the flesh of our peers none the wiser, arguing over flavors that we had never really tasted. Going to and from meaningless jobs, to appease the elite. We were nothing more then clogs on a wheel.

She had seen these horrors first hand, and yet here she was, sitting next to me. Willing to fight till the end of line, a strength I had never known radiated from somewhere deep with in Sasha. She didn't give up when they took me, with the intent of killing me, even with odds stacked against her. It was her loyalty that brought her the courage she needed to keep going. Then again I could hallucinating all of that, and in reality all she just wanted to do was go home and take a hot shower.

"You said you know a place?" Preacher asked walking towards us. "They'll starting sweeping soon, trust me we don't want a fire fight down here."

"Yeah, can you get us to housing complex A?" I responded taking Reaper's hand as he helped me off the ground, pulling me a bit to close to him. I felt like a tiny awkward creature being that close, I could feel the heat spread through my cheeks. His golden eyes locked onto mine.

"Can I get you to housing complex A?" Preacher chuckled mocking me, as he grabbed a couple more handguns, strapping them to his thighs. He tossed a couple to Reaper who caught them one handed without breaking eye contact with me. "Oh child, if you only knew where I've been."

"Preacher, lead the way." Reaper stated, slowly turning from me. My heart in my throat, I let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Why did he do that to me.

—-

"Gentlemen, we've had a breach." Riptide shouted, pacing before the hundred men. "First we have a man who has come in from the outside. A contaminant has breached our walls as is a potential threat to our hollowed society, he is to be considered highly dangerous. He will also be armed to the teeth, this man is not to be under estimated. Do not hesitate, take him down, I assure you he will not hesitate to put a bullet through your skull. The second problem we have had one of our own has turned on us."

All eyes, focused on him. He had re-composed himself since his slip, a momentary weakness. He could feel his power begin to course back through him, he was back in control. These idiots were eating up what he had to say, not questioning his orders. Things back to the way it should be and soon back normal all the way around.

"He is also to be considered highly dangerous, he will also be armed. Though 116 seemed to be average don't let that fool you. The man is a highly trained killer. He is ruthless, shoot at first chance. Both these men must be taken with a head shot, if you miss and shoot another body part they will still continue to fight. Be alert to your surroundings, these two have skills you could only dream of." He paused waiting for his instructions to sink in. He had to remind himself that he was dealing with simpletons. After this was all said and done, these men would be purged and the records wiped. Like nothing ever happened. "As for the woman, I want her taken alive."

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[londomee]

Intermission (May-2022)

this is part of the lunch break I've decided to reward myself :)

Heya y'all, I'm officially on study leave now, during which Grade 12 / Year 13 students can stay at home to study for the exams. The exams, which, of course, as aforementioned, have been cancelled in my local region. So we're just kinda vibing at home or outside in meetups with friends.

Cue the "downward spiral into chaos and unholy sleep schedule" soundtrack!

Truth be told, I've done little to no productive work over the past while. My day usually consists of waking up at any time between 9 to 12, grabbing brunch, being on my computer either planning our trip to the UK in September, watching videos on YouTube, casual gaming via browser games, or some League of Legends with friends.

Once in a blue moon I bike around the city and/or hang out with friends in the evenings, usually with drinks involved. I stay relatively sober, because I give myself enough shenanigans even without any alcohol in the equation.

But yeah. Other than that, my days have been relatively uneventful. The home's becoming increasingly bare, a constant reminder to the imminent moving we're about to do to another country.

Update regarding graduation: the date's set! We'll be holding a graduation in-campus on the 27th of May, with most of the senior school back to applaud us. Gotta say, it feels great having done the clapping for 8 years now to finally get to be the ones walking down the center at our big moment.

But ehh... what prompted me to finally revive this zombie of a blog is a bit of writing I did for a friend's project, looking at COVID and its impacts on us over the 2.5 years course. This is an extract from it:

The pandemic has brought many memorable moments that I'll be fond of reminiscing on in many years to come: There are many that are simple, such as participating in a Spanish class on a car ride, on the way to the embassy for a visa renewal. For some indescribable reason, the experience was rather surreal as I saw the contrast between the world on my phone screen and the world around me. I was able to stay tethered to my class and classmates back in Suzhou, and share the learning experience they had, while thousands of kilometers away. There are also episodes of stress, such as during the initial periods of asynchronous online learning. Both students and teachers were working hard to adjust to a new working environment at short notice, and at times it felt as if we were overloaded by tasks we had to work on all by ourselves. However, these were counterbalanced by the feeling of fulfillment that often followed. I remember working in my bedroom up till 3A.M. one night on a practice Individual Exploration in Mathematics in Year 11, finishing by myself what was a group project for most of my classmates who have returned onto campus. Though exhausting, there were many moments throughout the pandemic of great satisfaction as I saw achievements and improvement in my independent endeavors. And of course, our online senior prank via Teams. A few days before our study leave period, where we would have taken time off school to study for the exams, schools in Suzhou had to reenter online learning modes, and our region switched to the non-exam contingency for the IB. On the last day of online learning, our year made a coordinated effort to wear matching white shirts as well as goofy hats and sunglasses, hopefully having entertained some of the teachers in the video call. I would say that the main message throughout these memories is that, despite a global crisis, we may still find the highlights of our days, and that despite everything, life will go on.

And I suppose that is the message I should hold going into this new chapter of life. That despite everything, life will go on.

Back to work I go :)