#so here I am. back to being trapped in less than six metres squared again
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terrible idea of mine to not kill myself on tuesday or whenever the fuck. mistake on my part
#don't click on the see all you'll regret it btw.#I had to write a poem today. because I have a big english project due tomorrow and that was an option to do#and I honest to fuck should not have chosen it because h a h a h a#'write something about lockdown' ok! fourteen lines ain't enough to truly capture how lockdown was for me!#imagine going from 'fine I'll pretend to be invested in uni until I can raise the funds to leave' and then it just#I can't leave.#I spent TWO DAYS cleaning out a room of this house just so I wasn't sitting on my bed all the damn time#which is a major reason I get yelled at and nothing I do gets taken seriously#if I do it on my bed it's not real work#like for example! trying to work today! I wasn't 'doing anything'#I got stabbed in the arm with a needle and still wrote that poem and a bit more and what did you do?#like honestly I don't mind that my m*ther did her uni work in there it's just#not only was anything we did in there undermined#like 'hey be quiet we're in a class rn' and THEN she decides it's the best time to loudly have conversations or turn the radio way up#and it's obvious that she was doing it deliberately when we needed quiet because afterwards she turned it down#that happened a couple of times before when I would record things for school or whatever she'd deliberately make noise it felt like#but anyway#the room is back to where it was. I can't use it.#so here I am. back to being trapped in less than six metres squared again#which sounds like a lot but take into consideration that that's three by two metres and it's LESS than that#and because SOMEONE refuses to go to therapy#even though I refuse to go to therapy it's because I know it won't help me right now#all therapy did was 'you need to plan things!' and she would ignore the plan set in place to yell at me despite the fact I was working#and my m*ther always 'had a migraine' whenever I said 'hey this weekend we NEED to fix that room'#it developed on saturday morning#that's the reason I did all that work myself! I just snapped!#but anyways. she refuses to go to therapy despite the fact she really needs to get over the fact that grandpa hoarded things#and also to not lash out at anyone trying to touch things in there#she won't listen to us. definitely not me. even though I have more experience than her with this sorta thing#ahem cleaned out a different room?
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