#so her ob appears the most human and made the most out of ink

[wondersbeyondcompare]

🔉Loud Sound Warning🔉

its the sega meme lol

Played around with rough doodles of my twst OCs’ potential overblots!! But honestly I just did this for Yuusuke’s part at the end, so don’t take this too seriously design-wise 🥴

[thatshighlyoffensive]

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

Well, well, welcome to the annual skewering of Dummies with Money Pretending They Care About Anything Other Than Themselves AKA the Met Gala 2017 (or as Drew Jordan called it, “a party for relatives of famous people.” I hate most of the people that attended this year, plus my supply of fucks is as depleted as my bank account these days, so the positive reviews are scarce. Cat and I watched the E! red carpet coverage together and tried really hard to care, but it never happened. We were passionate about one thing though: Whoever manned the camera tonight should be fired and exiled to a country where they only photograph people from the shoulders up and then seek treatment for his obvious battle with Parkinson’s. HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. Enjoy!

Giuliana Rancid (who is obviously not at the actual event because she would never be invited to anything other than a Ruby Tuesday’s salad bar ribbon cutting) spent the evening with a bunch of other nobodies in a studio on the west coast and chose to drape her Antz body in the milky exoskeleton of one of her albino brethren.

I hate Katy Perry almost as much as I hate Lena Dunham, so the fact that she has dated my future husband John Mayer is something that whittles away at my black heart daily, and whatever the hell I’m looking at on the red carpet right now just took out another big chunk. I literally cannot, so that’s all.

Lily Collins looks like the Berries ’n’ Cream Starburst guy on his way to a Sophia Coppola sponsored transgender formal.

Kendall Jenner would be 100% perfection if she’d done something different with her hair. Those legs, MY GOD.

Kylie Jenner (as always) looks like Bruce Jenner in a Pretty Woman wig with a Kris Kardashian’s worth of plastic surgery in a girdle and pair of Steve Maddens.

Rose Byrne: The sun’ll come ouuuut tomorrow! Actually, it saw you tonight and decided not to.

Brie Larson looks like the love child of Babette the feather duster and one of my hand bells from middle school church choir in Dorothy Zbornak’s footwear.

Lily James looks like Natalie Portman from Black Swan wrapped in a Swiffer Wet Jet.

Rihanna looks like two Jimmy Dean sausage links wrapped in red licorice, stuffed into a clotted human heart piñata.

Naomi Watts looks more like Nicole Kidman every day. But probably my favorite look of the night.

Celine Dion looks like Jenna Lyons wrapped one of her old, bedazzled J. Crew tees in the Oscar gown she pulled out of Angelina Jolie’s trash can and secured it with the straps from one of the antique electric chairs Billy Bob is afraid of. #teamjolie

Bella Hadid- I don’t love all the weight she’s lost since becoming an ‘it’ girl/I’m insanely jealous, but her look harkens back to the origins of the MET ball aka the OG supermodels and the designers that loved them, so I give her look an A.

GiGi- While I really do appreciate your channeling of Christy Turlington (whether you meant to or not), I can’t say that I fully understand your look tonight. The color is that of a gout ridden tuna, the shape is that of a sushi wrapped tuna, and your panty hose are reminiscent of someone wrapping tuna in seaweed at Hibachi Express. Sanitation grade: C+

Chrissy Teigen looks like she always has: bloated and wild. Her outfit looks like a cotton gin exploded next to a L’eggs factory.

Lupita Nyongo looks like the Toucan Tropicana Barbie and that is all.

Ruby Rose is channeling some ‘She Sells Sea Shells by the Jersey Shore’ shit.

Miranda Kerr looks like a walking, glossy, coral reef, made up by Bobbi Boring Brown, as usual.

Rami Malek went to the Ball as a Twizzler. Or was it a Red Vine? #redvinesfamily

Zendaya: Mac-OW.

Paris Jackson: I have never been so offended by someone. First of all, she has about as much of Michael Jackson’s DNA in her as I do. Secondly, she looks like she put as much effort into her appearance tonight as I did when I dialed Dominos earlier. Also- Express’s formal collection has never looked worse. Also, also, your tattoos rival the mess of ink on a backstreet water rat.

Madonna- I didn’t think I could be more offended by a poseur than Paris Jackson, but again, I’m proven wrong. Her gap-toothed, fake-British bullshit can’t be hidden by all the camo in the world, and certainly not by one hideous dress.

Zoe Kravitz- Big Little Lies made me love her and this outfit does nothing but add to my new obsession. I could do without the sleeve contusions, but I’m obsessed with the rest. Like the finale of BLL, she’s channeling Audrey Hepburn like a boss.

Kate Hudson- Yo ass has looked the same every damn year. This year is the same, just more boring and like you’re trying to channel a Kartrashian aka HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. But also- i love you.

Gwyneth Paltrow looks like she ate Chelsea Handler and borrowed Titus’s pumps.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: Two canoodling Weimaraners.

Lily Rose Depp: I actually love this. All of it. I am ashamed.

Sarah Paulson: And the cockatoo cried ‘Nevermore.’

Cara Delevigne: The Tin Man and The Nanny Named Fran had a baby. And it was ugly.

Rita Ora: Wasn’t it nice of Russell Stover to cater the red carpet?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: If Dorothy Draper, the Jolly Green Giant and a footless grandpa had a baby.

Halle Berry: Barnacles never looked so good.

Reese Witherspoon: Alexis Carrington would be proud. But that ponytail… She’d snatch it off.

Amy Schumer: So you ate Tonya Harding and then stole some kid’s Scarlet Witch cosplay outfit from their Orlando double-wide and threw it over your hamhocks? You belong IN a trash bag, not wrapped in one.

Kim Kartrasashian: An OB tampon at a Renaissance Faire. That is all.

J. Lo- You’re channeling Jennifer North and I love that, but your horse hair ponytail is highly offensive. And I’m not sure I get the color. But I think you and A. Rod make a perfect couple.

Karlie Kloss- Your shiny face is offensive. Stop. Your shoes are on point like a mosquito’s knee. Stop. Your dress is half terrible/half almost there. Stop. Put on a damn necklace. Stop.  

Kerry Washington- Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard with a lisp. Also- your lace front is almost as off-putting as Johnny Travolta’s. OFFENSIVE ON ALL COUNTS.

Blake Lively- I don’t know how someone makes golden chain mail with a peacock’s ass attached to it so boring, but you’ve done it. Also- you’ve done the braid/ponytail to death and made me want to follow suit. Death’s, not the hairstyle’s…

Jessica Chastain- Queen EleaBore of Land O’ Lakes called, she says you look melted.

Hailey Baldwin- I don’t know how dressing like a slutty piece of salt water taffy turned state’s surprise witness in a dog collar makes you a top model, but best regards and kindest wishes.

Nicki Minaj looks like Chun Li’s evil twin going to prom in Cleveland, Ohio.

So, Elle Fanning The Chinless Wonder thought tonight’s gala was an audition to be another boring ass Disney princess?

Mandy Moore- I love you more than anything because you are Rapunzel but NO. You are not Anjelica Huston in Addams Family.

Salma Hayek- you are naturally STUNNING and tonight you look OFFENSIVE and like a character from one of my brother’s anime shows. And not in a good way.

Selena Gomez made my eyes roll out of my head, onto the floor, out the door, into the street, and under the tire of Rachel Leigh Cook’s Volkswagen Rabbit.

Emma Roberts looks like a Jennifer Garner drag queen auditioning for the role of Jessica Rabbit in a high school production of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Priyanka Chopra is literally just wearing a trench coat. #carmensandiegoworeitbetter #andwithahat

Kate Bosworth always looks like a creepy Victorian doll with alopecia.

Worst dressed: Daisy Ridley, hands down. She looks like someone sewed fabric from the bargain bin onto one of those built-in-bra pajama dresses from Target and threaded a wonky hula hoop into the bottom. Hideous hair. No jewelry? HIGHLY OFFENSIVE.

BYEEEEEEEE