#so he usually just uses metronome and calls it a day lol

[so-i-macedup-abit]

just realized i have an account oops

//kinda loud

[sprinklesandshatters]

A Review on NCT 127′s 3rd Album <Sticker>

So NCT 127 just came back with their 3rd Full Album <Sticker> and this is my first 127 comeback since I became a fan last year! Neozone is such a special album for me as it was their first album that I explored entirely. I've known NCT as the group who never fails any expectations so I've kept mine up although I know they'll exceed it anyway. And guess what, they did! I absolutely love their new album hence this review~

This isn't a technical music review—as I am not a musician myself—but rather a listener's honest takes, goofy notes, and interpretation on each of the tracks in the album. I admit I've also struggled to build my own opinions on some of the tracks until I listened to them over and over again.

I have also heard there are mixed opinions on the title track <Sticker> and a lot says it's another acquired taste. But I think it's not just that, as it can be a grower, just like how most of NCT's songs were for me. Maybe after a few listens and a right passage of time, it will grow on those people. The bottom line here is, I like it a lot! 😛

So I listed down the songs according to their respective track numbers and followed each with a bulleted list of my opinions and interpretations.

(Viewer/reader discretion: before you continue, minors, do not interact as there are few 18+ contents under the cut. Thank you.)

1. Sticker

THEY DIDN'T JUST PUNCH A NEW NOTCH ON THE BELT LIKE THAT

THIS SONG SLAPS, LITERALLY SLAPS… AND WHIPS 

The recorder at the intro boyyyy I thought something was wrong but then I remember it’s NCT lmao

It already stuck in my head from my first listen from the Instagram audio.

With Taeyong opening the verse with his divine rapping, I knew I'm in for a new ride.

STICK-UH STICK-UGH STICK-UGHGHGH

To those complaining it sounding like noise music, imagine it sounding generic. I don't think it would fit as the title track. Not a b-track or in their repertoire, even. They are called NCT because they define the NEO in the music culture and music technology!

It honestly was an unorthodox, just like all of their title tracks, which I’m inherently here for.

Literally, no one does it like them!

The growls and the vocal flexes and adlibs! (You can tell it has Yoo Youngjin's brand.)

The crisp metronome sound that’s consistently ticking except for the pre-chorus and the dance break adds depth to the soundscape. I love how it’s used instead of the usual snaps.

The production quality blew my mind. Like how can someone think those melodies would sound so exquisite? CAN I CALL THEM GENIUS?

The piano at the back, oh my God—Yes! It adds this mystifying element to the song.

I'm not sure if it's a midi violin at the pre-chorus, but it added thrill to the song. It was a great transition from the bass line in the verses to the combination of the flawless harmony with the same instrumental.

"You treat me like a boy, like a grown-up child chasing a dream" JUNGWOO BABY NO MORE HUH

Taeil, Doyoung, and Haechan—the bridge vocal trinity!

But why the heck are they cowboys? I dig the concept, but why? LMAO

BTW GUNSLINGER MARK I’M ON MY KNEES YEEHAW

This is easily one of my favorite tracks from NCT 127's entire discography 💚

2. Lemonade

(⌐■_■)

Jaehyun starting off this song with his deep voice eee

The song opens to a verse oozing with chill confidence. They're like, yeah you're lurking because we’re cool.

This is such a huge slap to their haters. NCT's not chillin' like a villain, nah they're the main characters!

Well maybe they’re villains, but still ya not cooler than them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Funny enough how they could have just referred haters as simply lemons whose sour/bitter to the taste, but 127 squad's success is sweeter than all the haters' spiteful remarks so yeah, SIPPY SIPPY LEMONADE 🧃

"WOOF"

I might have just barked too wOW

Yuta’s vocals hooooO his voice just sounds so glamorous mhmm

Also Mark referencing their previous title tracks such as: Firetruck, Cherry Bomb, and Regular (it's Irregular in the lyrics) in his rap part 👌💅

I just love Mark's energy when he raps. HE RESOLUTELY BITES AND STRAIGHT UP EATS EVERY TIME HE DOES.

3. Breakfast

Now breakfast time, oh jeez!

AAAHAHFU—

Summer 127's bestie!

If Summer 127 talks about dancing all night long, Breakfast is the morning after.

You know what it is.

"Even if I gulp and drink you, it's not enough for me." oho Taeyong no you ha—STOP

Sexual innuendos aside, isn't it just sweet if someone tells you they'd want to have breakfast with you every day?  Okay maybe I'm melting at the thought 😩🙈💞

And I can see myself dancing to this song as I make breakfast (in the afternoon or at midnight bc I’m crazy)

This was an okay b-track for me at the first skim on the album, but boy it grew on me wildly.

Honestly one of my favorite tracks in this album.

4. Focus

Did I just invade a private call? LMAO

The analog voice filters make it like so.

Dude, this feels intimate in the level of eavesdropping a phone call between seasoned lovers. Then you realize you hear them whispering their kinks over the line and you're ooh, that's sexy! hfgklhfhf

My first listen to this, I almost went feral because,

"I can't wait to eat you…" when it's actually "I can't wait 'til we chill…" aahaha

"Baby call me when you want me." OKAY!

This sounds relaxing and chill. I'd love to play this on a late night drive or just before bed time along with Fly Away With Me, Sun & Moon, My Youth, and Long Flight.

Belongs to ‘make out session’ playlist  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

That was lowkey a playlist recommendation, huh?

I'd be kidding if I don't say I could touch myself while listening to this song AHAHAFGHFJFJ

I didn't know this would grow on me this much lol I love love LOVE THIS!

5. The Rainy Night

Ooh, the holy melancholy!

Piano at the intro—I knew I'd cry to this.

This song isn't just about break-up, but the heartbreak after one.

The yearning; the remnant pieces from the shattering of what was once there.

I think I crumbled from this one.

This hit so hard I felt like I fit in the shoes with the lyrics throughout the entire song.

What’s fascinating is I clearly forgot the title when I mentally said this sounds like a sad rainy day song from the first listen.

Something I’d turn up when it suddenly rains, just because I want to feel the blues.

Taeil and Haechan singing in lower register? I wanna cry :( they’re just one of the best vocalists in K-music industry right now.

Could have been also nice if they added Yuta to the vocals.

"My selfish heart who waits for you to come back," OKAY WHO HURT THEM?

And the fact that they sang it so good that it translated every ounce of the emotions well even before I looked up for English translations is the reason why I love this song too.

6. Far

Hmm… What the hell?! Do I like this? Wait...

Alright!

The jumpy vibe from the first verse to the pre-chorus set the mood for this song. It sounds merry and heavy. It was honestly too much to take until I’ve reached the chorus part.

Honestly, I think this song could fit NCT Dream better, as it gives off a vibe similar to Hello Future's b-tracks. If some credible source say this could have made HF’s track list, I might believe you too fast.

Also Dream’s Deja Vu where they go na nananananana na na na~

Playful yet confident! That’s what I mean!

As usual, the vocals are insane! Vocal flex from left to right!

I swear Jungwoo sounded a bit like Taemin at the second verse that I had to replay it hahaha

I love hearing Johnny as a vocalist! SM, how many signs do you need until you utilize his vocal talent???

Taeil's part where he sings, "go nuts, go nuts, 'til we go bust, go bust" IDEK BUT I SNORTED A LAUGH AT FIRST LISTEN HFCAHKFHK

Not my favorite, but still great though!

But wait it’s actually stuck in my head???

7. Bring The Noize

Yes, they never beat those noise music allegations

HERE'S SOME NOIZE, BITCHES

I love me some noisy percussions. AND THE BASS YO

This screams so much confidence!

The build up from the pre-chorus to the chorus—FIRE!

This song reminds me a lot of SuperM's Super Car, especially with the engine roar samples and the battle cry-like singing at the chorus.

JAEHYUN RAPPING? You mean Jaehyun the visual, the vocalist, the actor, the model, the funny dude, aka my everything?! (markie bb look pls look away for a moment)

THEY DELIVERED IT STRAIGHT FROM NEOCITY THAT'S SOME NCT MUSIC RIGHT THERE NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM

When I said I'd play Focus on a late night drive, and if I add this in the playlist, VROOM VROOM SPEED LIMIT WHAT

OUTTA MY WAY

“We got no shame” ouh TAEYONG’S FLOW IS JUST VERY HIM AND HE’S IN A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN

You know what's so clever about this song? It's how it ended with Mark's final rap without any instrumental, leaving you  standing there with a doppler effect-like post experience.

A super car on a super speed just whooshed past you and you look its way as it zips through the road. It's gone in an instant but you're floored dumbfounded at a sidewalk. That's how I describe this song.

8. Magic Carpet Ride

This song… Wow. Oh gosh it's so beautiful.

Their harmony in the chorus—it makes me want to kiss someone so passionately that I'd cry.

This makes me want to feel love that transcends the universe. Literally, just please take me on a magic carpet ride :(

The background harmonies too oh my goodness—HEAVENLY.

Jaehyun's voice is so warm and soulful it fits perfectly with songs of this genre.

Okay alright Doyoung Grande!

And Taeil makes me feel like I'm listening to old school R&B.

The first time I heard this from the track video, I can't stop replaying because it's just that great.

This makes me want to love. I think that sums it up.

9. Road Trip

This is such a soothing song for me, especially how I easily become nostalgic thinking about the road trips I've had.

Whenever I listen to this, my brain immediately conjures up thoughts of my ideal getaways. Gazing at the sky through the car window, stirring up from a nap in the middle of the ride, and   eventually reaching your destination.

Oh, to travel around anywhere... (curse you covid-19)

Okay that's it. I'M PACKING UP.

But where do I go—

I could also imagine Mark playing this on the guitar and the other members sing along together, something like that.

Just Wholesome™ vibes.

I love how it evokes such a nice emotion within me effortlessly.

This isn't my favorite, but I still love this.

10. Dreamer

Eyyyy such a refreshing song!

This song is so bright it makes me want to dance. I play this first in the shower!

It reminds me so much of Elevator (from Neozone)

The horns make it more lively I think!

Yuta and Jungwoo's voice suits lively songs like this.

The background vocal in low register in Taeyong's part in the first verse is so good ahhfhf

Taeil, the R&B vocal king you are...

There's this part where Doyoung and Johnny harmonized, that at first listen they seemed to clash, but it sounded actually fine after a few listens. Maybe it's just that I've never heard them do it before.

And I think it's Doyoung's laugh at the end of the bridge? Oh my goodness I really love this too!

11. Promise You

MY FIRST LOVE AND MOST FAVORITE SONG IN THE ALBUM!!!

The first time I heard this from their NCIT Sharehouse Sitcom, I fell in love with the song already.

It sounds like something you'd feel from a warm, welcoming hug.

The lyrics are so beautiful and endearing. It's definitely a be-there-for-you type of song that will touch your heart.

It definitely sounds like a promise.

A song about platonic intimacy.

This really fits to be the closing song of the album. It's like the end of it but holds a promise that says “see you soon.”

Because they cherish their fans like that.

It's also like I've watched a movie with a happy ending, where the camera pans up to the clear sky and this song starts playing.

Speaking of ending, I would love to hear them sing this as an encore stage in their concert. You know, that moment just before the stage lights die down at the end of the concert where they send final blows of flying kisses to NCTzens. Then you come home smiling and crying.

This wasn't supposed to be this long since I originally planned to write this with just simple phrases and emojis but I got too engrossed lol. I also meant to include my own ratings but I figured it’s pointless since I can’t really decide about them hahaha

I really enjoyed the whole album and I love how they're progressively defining what NEO means by breaking through standards. It's not NCT music if it doesn't make you say "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?" But then you realize it’s stuck in your head and you’re enjoying it already.

✨ OVERALL RATING: 127/10 💚

if you’ve reached until here, thank you for letting me share you a braincell or two 💞

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[gwentoryfics]

Hot For Teacher, Part 5.

Genre | College Student x College Professor Smut AU

Pairing | Hongseok x Reader x Hyunggu (Kino)

Words | 10.8k

Summary | You never realized how much one drunken night could color the rest of your college experience until you discover that the handsome stranger from your cousin’s wedding is also the new professor at your university.

Warnings | Cursing. Underage drinking. The usual. Oh, and some fingering.

Parts | 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 5.5 • 6 • More Coming Soon AO3   | 1 • 2

Playlist | Spotify • Youtube

Note | I DID IT. IT’S WRITTEN. HERE IT IS. Please enjoy 💕 I’ll get the YouTube playlist posted later - I don’t have time to get that one put together. Have to head out for a Mother’s Day dinner lol.

As much as you don’t really want to confront Professor Yang about your incorrect grade, you know that it’s something you need to take care of. But as if Professor Yang could sense the confrontation coming, he takes off immediately after class ends, quickly packing up his things and hurrying out the door before you can even make it to the front of the room.

In the back of your mind you can’t help but wonder… is there any chance that all of this is intentional? Did he give you the wrong grade knowing that you would come talk to him about it? Did he leave immediately so that you’d be forced to visit him one-on-one in his office again?

Does he just want to get you alone again?

NOPE. Bad idea. You push that thought as far away as you can, forcing yourself to pause that train of thought. You can’t even let yourself consider the possibility that he might want that. Absolutely not allowed.

If there’s a chance that that’s what he wants, you can’t buy into it. You have to be strong for yourself.

So it’s decided. You are not going to visit him this week. You’re going to let this one go. You’ve received his message, but you’re not going to give him what he wants.

Wooseok shows up for tutoring late as always, but this time it’s different. You can tell immediately that he’s bothered by something.

“Hey,” you greet him softly, and he responds with nothing more than a nod. He’s silent as he gets ready for the session, and you don’t push him to talk. You’re assuming that it must be because of the whole party bust, and you also don’t know if you’re good enough friends for him to feel comfortable opening up to you about it.

The session is really difficult for him. He’s clearly not focused, so you call it quits early. You don’t want to push him because he’s only getting more and more frustrated. By the time you’re wrapping up, you feel like you should really try to talk with him about what’s going on - regardless of how close you may or may not be.

“Yuto told me about your extracurricular suspension,” you offer as a starting point.

“Ah, he did?”

“Yeah, at R&B Ensemble. It really sucks.”

“It’s only two more weeks, thank God.” Wooseok throws his folders and pencils into his backpack. “Any longer and I think Typhanie would start looking for a replacement drummer. I’m already putting the rest of the ensemble in a rough spot since we’ve got the showcase coming up next month.”

“Yeah, but it’s okay. Shit happens, you know? You’re a talented drummer, I’m sure you’ll catch up with the group in no time.”

“You think I’m talented?” Wooseok looks up from the floor, his wide eyes searching yours. Your heart goes out to him - he seems so beaten down.

“Of course,” you reassure him. “You’re so creative when you play, and you’re always spot-on when it comes to tempo. You’re like a living, breathing metronome. It’s insane.”

For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. He just watches you, thinking. And then he opens up. “I feel like I’ve really been struggling here. I love drumming more than anything I’ve ever done, but my classes are so hard. This music theory shit makes me feel like an idiot.” Wooseok throws himself back into his chair, brow furrowed.

You hadn’t really expected this to turn into a therapy session, but you want to try to help him feel better if you can. “You don’t have to be amazing at theory to be a great musician. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who can really easily understand theory, but will never understand how to put heart into their performance.”

“Well what about you? You’re good at, like, everything.”

“No, don’t do that. You can’t compare yourself to others. We’re all at different places, you know?”

“Weren’t you just comparing me against theory nerds?”

You take a deep breath. “I guess I did. But that’s not the point. My point is that you’re good at what you’re good at. Stressing about what other people are good at is a waste of time. That’s not going to make you any better at theory.

“Ultimately, the most important thing is that you’re doing what you love. I know you need to pass your classes to get your degree, but once you have that degree? The numbers and letters on your transcript are entirely arbitrary. So just be the best damn drummer you can be. Whatever you lack in ability to read chords and pitches, make up for with your intricate rhythms and flawless tempo.”

Wooseok nods, his gaze trained on the floor. And slowly, a smile forms on his lips. “I can do that.”

You nod, and you’re glad to see that something about him seems lighter now. Like you are really able to lift his spirits.

Wooseok really is something. He acts like such a light-hearted cool kid all the time, waving his drumsticks around and cracking wise-ass jokes. He’s always the one clowning around.

Now you see that there’s something a bit more intense underneath all of those layers of positivity. Sure, he can be serious sometimes, but this is something different. You can tell that there’s part of him that is deeply affected by all of this. He’s human, of course. He can’t be upbeat all the time. Getting to see him when he’s a little more vulnerable, a little more genuine… it really makes you feel like you’ve made a connection with him.

Maybe there is a friendship in store for you after all.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to Ahjoomah’s Kitchen before.” Kino shakes his head at you as he flips the slices of meat laid out across the tabletop grill at the restaurant. “Trust me, once you get your first bite, you’re going to be disappointed that you’ve been missing out on the best Korean barbecue in the whole city.”

“I just didn’t know about it!” You chuckle defensively. “I don’t come down this way often.”

When Kino had invited you to hang out over the weekend, you hadn’t realized that he’d be dragging you all the way to Chinatown, nestled deeply in the city’s south side. But Kino’s from the south side, so he knows his way around. You trust his judgment - he won’t get you into any dangerous situations.

“Your loss,” he raises an eyebrow and reaches for the radish kimchi. “Be sure to get some of this before I eat all of it, by the way.”

“You can have it, be my guest. I’m strictly a cabbage kimchi kind of girl.”

His chopsticks pause mid-air as he looks up at you with fake disgust. “What kind of monster are you? Is that what they teach you on the farm?”

“I could say the same about you, you city-slicker.” You grab yourself some of the pickled seaweed and cabbage kimchi. “Will you eat any kind of kimchi?”

“Don’t start acting like I’m some kind of kimchi dumpster.” He tries to maintain a serious expression, but a laugh sneaks out. “I’ll make sure all of your meat gets burnt.”

You gasp dramatically. “You wouldn’t!”

“Oh, but I would.” Kino peeks down at the grilling meat, which is seconds away from being finished. “Yeah, I’d say it could use a few more minutes.”

“A few minutes? You’re going to burn this whole place down.” You grab the tongs to claim the perfectly cooked meat for yourself before Kino could ruin it.

The both of you laugh as you dish out the meat and get the next round onto the grill. And he’s right - the barbecue is absolutely delicious. Possibly the best you’ve had in a while.

As you eat, he tells you all about his family, and how he grew up the one son of many daughters - all younger than him. The youngest is a whopping twelve years younger than him - she just started first grade.

“That’s actually insane,” you comment, in awe over the sheer size of his family.

“My parents just don’t know when to quit.”

“My parents would be so jealous. They weren’t able to conceive again after me.”

“That’s awful, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. It was kind of nice growing up just me and my brother. Our little family was perfect, actually, until my brother moved out.”

“What happened?”

“He graduated high school and then he disappeared.” You frown a little. You haven’t spoken with your brother in years, mainly because you don’t know how to contact him or find him. “He didn’t want to take over the farm, so he left. Didn’t tell any of us where he was going. I haven’t seen him since I was in middle school.”

“Were you close?”

You pick at the food sitting on your plate. “I thought we were.”

Kino places a freshly grilled piece of meat in front of you, encouraging you to eat. He’s watching you warmly, like you’re a sick puppy he wants to take care of. It’s sweet, but you don’t need his pity.

You roll your eyes and force a laugh. “It’s old news, anyway. Nearly ten years have passed and I’ve accepted the way things are now. But anyway, that’s why my parents want me to succeed so badly. I’m their only chance at a successful kid.”

“I can relate, as the only son.”

It feels so good to have someone here that can understand you so deeply in that regard, even if your family situations are different. Shinhye’s parents don’t put any kind of pressure on her about anything, and Nailah’s parents pretty much disowned her when she came out, which is it’s own brand of terrible. Both girls were super supportive of you and they always did their best to give you advice when you were struggling under the weight of your parents’ expectations. But they couldn’t quite understand you the way Kino could.

You smile, genuinely feeling placated. He’s just so peaceful to be around. As you stuff another strip of meat into your mouth, you groan, delighted. “You’re right, by the way. This place is the bomb.”

“Told you so.” His lips curl up into a smirk.

The mood stays light as you finish your meal, stuffing yourselves to the brim with the delicious meats and side dishes. Then when everything is paid for (Kino insists on taking care of the bill, much to your chagrin), you head off through Chinatown to your next destination - karaoke.

You had tried to warn him that you’re not much of a singer, but he said it doesn’t matter - half the fun of karaoke is just singing without any regard for how good you actually are. It’s therapeutic, he had said.

And so you find yourself holed up in a private room with Kino, who sings absolutely gorgeously all night, by the way. You feel like an idiot every time you take the microphone and warble a shitty rendition of Etta James or Ella Fitzgerald.

“Why do you keep picking such old songs?” Kino asks as you pass him the microphone, eyes already geared on the screen to choose his next solo.

“That’s what I like.”

“Lucky for you that’s what I like, that’s what I like…” Kino quietly sings a bit of Bruno in response as he scrolls through the song choices. “Oh, hey! We should do a duet! You know Elton John, right?”

You look up from your glass of water to see Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John highlighted on the TV screen. “You want me to actually sing with you and your angel voice? Nuh uh, I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” He selects the song and picks up the second microphone, holding it out to you. “Please?”

The music intro starts up and you sigh dramatically. This is going to be a shitshow, but how could you say no when he’s looking at you with that little pout? “Fine. But can you tone down the professional singing a bit so I don’t feel so self-conscious?”

“Don’t feel self-conscious, you’re doing fine.” He smiles at you before lifting the microphone to his lips. “Don’t go breaking my heart.”

Reluctantly, you do the same. “I couldn’t if I tried.”

“Oh, honey, if I get restless…”

“Baby, you’re not that kind.”

The lyrics bounce back and forth between the two of you, and he’s looking at you more than he’s looking at the screen, trying to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself. He overacts the whole time he’s singing, being intentionally goofy to get you to laugh. It works.

“Kino, I’m trying to sing. Stop distracting me.”

“_____, I’m trying to have fun. Stop being a fun sponge.” He jumps to stand behind you, grabbing your shoulder and popping out from behind you as he sings, “Ooo, ooo. Nobody knows it. When I was down...”

You strike a pose and look back at him, finally letting yourself join in on his antics. “I was your clown.”

He dissolves into a fit of giggles and misses the next few lines. Damn, this boy is truly a ray of sunshine. You laugh along with him, and you both goof off for the rest of the song.

By the time you get to the outro (which takes up literally the last full minute of the song), he’s holding your hand and you’re both jumping around like a bunch of goons, completely out of breath and pretty much just squawking.

“Don’t go breaking my heart,” he sings over and over.

“I won’t go breaking your heart,” you continuously respond.

After Lord-knows how many repetitions of that, the song finally fades out to a close, and you both just stare at each other.

“Why the hell is that song so long?” You ask him, completely out of breath.

He cracks a huge smile, “Who the hell knows.”

And then he throws his arms around you, laughing brightly and pulling you into a tight hug. He’s warm and just a little sweaty, but honestly his shirt smells amazing and he’s so soft and every inch of you burns with the sweetest, most delicate flames. His laughter fills you, and you don’t have a single care in the world.

If only you could just stay that way forever.

Come Tuesday morning, you’re thrown headfirst back into reality, a frown laying heavy on your lips as you look down at your assignment.

“What’s that look for? You got an A.” Shinhye asked, confused at why you seem so clearly upset.

“My grade is wrong again,” you grumble. You could have convinced yourself that the first time was just an honest mistake, and not a secret ploy to get you into his office. But twice in a row? It’s no coincidence that Mr. Physics And Math Whiz can’t manage to do the simple math required to accurately add up your points.

This time, you have no choice. You really need to talk to him.

Class wraps up and he looks like he’s getting ready to bolt like he did last week. You spit out a quick wait outside for me at Shinhye before dashing to the front of the room in an attempt to grab his attention.

Professor Yang looks up as you approach, and his face remains neutral. “Yes?”

“Do you have a minute to talk about my grade? You made a mistake.” You look over your shoulder and watch as the last remaining students duck out the door, Shinhye included. You lower your voice a smidge to ensure no one overhears you. “Last week’s assignment was graded incorrectly, too.”

“I don’t have time to chat right now. I have an appointment with another student.”

For some reason, he doesn’t seem guarded as he speaks with you. There’s no edge to his voice. It catches you off guard - you hadn’t anticipated that there would ever come a time when he’d speak with you so casually.

He continues. “You can make an appointment with me later in the week if it’s an issue. Or you could just show up unannounced the way you do.”

Professor Yang looks up at you briefly, one eyebrow raised in a way that is both playful and accusatory. Is he actually teasing you? And willingly drawing attention to the time you caught him listening to your sex music? All of the blood that should be fueling your brain suddenly relocates to your cheeks and chest, making your skin warm and visibly flushed.

You’re right, then. He really is just trying to get you to visit him.

He stands with his bag in hand, ready to leave, but he pauses when he finally notices your flustered state. His playful expression dissipates as he observes you. You wish with everything in you that you could read his mind, that you could know what he’s thinking when he looks at you that way.

Then again, if there is any chance that he’s still as fatally attracted to you as you are to him, it’s probably best that you don’t know about it. It would be far too tempting to you, and you might actually convince yourself to act on your urges - your honor be damned.

Finally, he releases you from his gripping gaze and heads for the door. His voice floats over his shoulder, perfectly neutral as he makes a final suggestion. “Make an appointment.”

You chew your bottom lip as you watch him leave, disappointed in yourself for so easily turning into a helpless school girl. It’s absolutely unfair that he could have such an effect on you.

More than a little disgruntled, you meet Shinhye out in the hall and inform her that you’ll have to make an appointment with him later in the week.

“Busy guy, I guess. Midterms are approaching, after all.” Shinhye easily shrugs it off before changing the subject. “Ready to grab some lunch?”

You nod, thankful for a change of pace. “Yeah. Let’s get going.”

The two of you meet Nailah at the Indian restaurant down the street from your dorms, and you settle in for some of the best curry in town. You’ve eaten here multiple times with Shinhye, but it’s only recently that Nailah has started joining you. Ever since you brought them together for Nailah’s film project, the three of you have started spending more time together.

You dig into the naan, and peek over at Nailah, who’s sitting next to you. “How was your workout? You’re absolutely glowing,” you tease her, even though you recognize that she somehow manages to make a sweaty sheen look stunning.

“Sweetie, I’m well aware that this isn’t the look. I just stuck around too long and didn’t have time to shower before meeting you two.” She raises her eyebrows disapprovingly at your comment, but you know she’s smiling inside. “And it was great, thank you for asking.”

“No distraction this time?” Shinhye asks, stuffing naan into her mouth.

“Nope, he wasn’t around today.”

You don’t remember hearing anything about a distraction, and you wonder what’s up. “What are you talking about?”

“Hot guy.” Shinhye giggles.

Nailah cracks a smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I am still very much a lesbian. But trust me, I can appreciate a gorgeous looking man when I see one.”

Shinhye leans in. “Apparently everyone oggles him every time he’s there. Nailah included.”

“You would too, if you ever saw him!”

“And he might be a student here, because she’s seen him around campus a few times, too.” Shinhye continues to dish, and you get the impression that she’s been chatting with Nailah a lot more than you originally thought.

You laugh and say to Nailah, “Maybe you should get to know him. Set him up with Shinhye. She could probably use a little man love in her life, yeah?”

Shinhye’s mouth forms a line. “I don’t need a man, thank you.”

“What about you?” Nailah nudges you with her elbow. “You never talk about boys - or girls, whatever you’re into. Maybe you could use a little someone.”

Before you can defend yourself, Shinhye speaks up again. “If she’s going to get with anyone, it should be that tall guy from the party the other week. He’s super cute.”

You think back to the party and immediately remember hiding in a closet with Yuto. Some of your memories from that night had resurfaced, including your thoughts about how beautiful he may or may not be. The thing is, you still think he’s good-looking even without your booze goggles. “Yuto?”

Shinhye shrugs. “I don’t remember his name. I think you said he’s a drummer.”

“Oh, Wooseok!” That’s right - Shinhye and Nailah had taken off before you ran into Yuto, so they haven’t even met him. You shake your head. “No, we’re just friends. I think. I mean, I think that we’re friends, maybe. We may not actually be friends. I guess I don’t really know him all that well.”

Nailah chimes in. “Shinhye’s right, though, he was really cute. And he seemed like he could be into you. Remember how excited he was to see you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You brush off their comments, but you sense a few crumbs lingering in your thoughts. He is kind of attractive…

“And even if you’re not looking for anything serious right now, that doesn’t have to stop you from having fun, right?” Nailah waggles her eyebrows at you.

“Nailah, not everyone has loose morals like you.” Shinhye teases, which earns her a rueful look from Nailah.

“Okay, when did you two become such close friends?” You hate the bitter taste of the words in your mouth. Something about the way they interact seems strange to you. You just didn’t expect them to seem so close. Shinhye doesn’t easily get to the point where she’s playful and teasing around people, so Nailah must have grown on her pretty quickly.

“I’m pretty insistent on making talented people my friends. You have to hear the music she wrote for my project.”

“Nailah, it’s just a first draft. It’s not even that good.”

“No, it’s really good. And you need to give yourself credit.” The two of them share a meaningful look before Nailah continues. “Basically, she blew me away with her music and I decided that we need to be good friends so I can convince her to work on all of my stuff.”

“I didn’t really have much choice.” Shinhye laughs.

You’re glad to see that they’re getting along so well, even if it makes you feel just a touch uneasy. Maybe you’re just feeling jealous? Or excluded? Whatever it is, you’re being territorial and it’s dumb. So you push the feeling away. “I’m glad that you were able to work so well together.”

“Yeah, I really owe you!” Nailah responds. “I wouldn’t have gotten in touch with her if it hadn’t been for you.”

“What else am I good for?” You mutter rhetorically, hoping the sentiment didn’t come out as bitter as it felt.

Shinhye seems to notice your attitude, and she sucks air through her teeth. “Actually, we only invited you along to pay the bill…”

For only a second, you’re shocked - and then you realize she’s joking. “Oh my God, shut up, Shinhye.”

The three of you burst into laughter, and you think that maybe it won’t be such a bad thing for the three of you to hang out more.

You scurry up the stairs in the math and science building, borderline peeved that Professor Yang’s only available appointment time is right after your piano lesson (ten blocks away). He insisted he had no other time available this week. So here you are, huffing and puffing and probably a little sweaty, but still trying your best to look like you’re not huffing and puffing and probably a little sweaty.

Yes, you actually put thought into your outfit. Yes, you actually put on some makeup this morning. Yes, you actually made sure each hair on your head was laying perfectly.

And yes, you refuse to acknowledge that it’s all because you want him to think you’re cute.

You make your way down the hall, and his door comes into view. You wonder passively if you beat him to the office again, if you’ll have to wait for him.

As you get close, you hear a sound coming from the door. But this time it’s not music.

It’s laughter.

Distinctly female laughter.

And then the door opens, and little Miss Legs with her gorgeous, shiny hair struts out from his office. Professor Yang is close behind her, a wide smile on his face as he laughs at whatever just transpired between them.

Who the hell is she?

Your stomach twists into an impossibly complex knot as you watch Professor Yang watch Gorgeous Woman turn the corner.

Why is he looking at her like that?

And why do you care so much?

You don’t realize that you’ve completely frozen in place until he looks in your direction, his expression suddenly rearranging into something less pleasant, his smile completely fading into a flat line.

There isn’t a single coherent thought tearing through your mind besides run. Your fight or flight response kicks in even though there’s no real danger, and the shattering of your heart begs you to leave so you can try to stop imagining how that woman must have been flirting with him, and he must have been flirting back, and are they an item? Is he seeing someone?

Why the hell does it matter?

He finally puts two and two together, and realizes why you’re staring at him so dumbfounded. His eyes widen, his hand reaches out to you. “_____…”

It doesn’t matter how beautiful his voice sounds as it wraps around your name. He can’t stop you from darting to the stairs and bolting out of that goddamned building.

It shouldn’t be so much of a surprise. There’s nothing stopping him from seeing other people. You literally hooked up with him once, and that was months ago. That’s the extent of your relationship with him.

But when you think about him screwing that bubbly bitch the way he screwed you, you feel sick to your stomach.

And maybe there’s nothing between the two of them. You only saw a second of their interaction, and you have no idea who she is to him. But of course you can only assume the worst. They have to be fucking at the very least - they’re both God-tier gorgeous, they’re practically meant for each other.

A sharp pain works its way through your chest. She’s a thousand times prettier than you, no doubt about it. There’s no way he could ever be attracted to you when there’s someone like her in his life.

But he shouldn’t be attracted to you, and you shouldn’t be attracted to him!

You want to scream - you’re so torn between what you’re actually feeling and what you should be feeling, what you do want and what you should want.

You feel hurt, jealous, betrayed.

You should feel nothing at all.

You want him.

You should want nothing to do with him.

The bottom line is that you know you need to stop doing this to yourself. You need to stop whatever kind of feelings you have towards him so you can freaking move on with your life instead of constantly feeling so wrapped up in him. You could fawn over him forever, but the bottom line is you will never be with him again.

You need to stop wishing that there might be a chance.

Kino surprises you Monday night by waiting for you outside of your dorm building before R&B Ensemble. He’s bundled up in his jacket, with a beanie on his head and a scarf around his neck. It’s October, so it’s definitely chilly outside, but he looks like he’s more than ready for winter. You hold back a laugh when you see him.

“Howdy, partner.” Kino greets you with a buttery southern twang. It’s not the first time he’s done this, and you roll your eyes at him.

“Quit it with the accent already!” You scold him playfully. “I grew up on a farm, not the deep south.”

He laughs as you start walking in the direction of the music building. “You are from south of here, though.”

“So are you, technically.”

“Hardly!”

You stop mid-step and turn around to face him, gesturing wildly to his person. “Okay but who’s acting more like a southerner here? Do you see what you’re wearing? It’s like you’ve never experienced the cold before.”

“Shut up,” he laughs, bumping into you as he passes by. “I’m keeping my throat warm for practice.”

“You’re such a dork.” You hurry to catch up to him.

You’ve really grown close to Kino quickly. You see him literally every day of the week because you’re in so many of the same classes together, and you frequently go out to grab snacks and coffee in between. (Well coffee for you, hot chocolate for Kino. He says coffee is too bitter.)

He teases you constantly, and you’re not afraid to give it right back to him. But he’s also become your study buddy, and he does a great job helping you with your aural skills assignments. The class requires you to be able to sing different variations of scales on-pitch, and you’re already not great with singing correct pitches to begin with. With his help, you’re getting more and more comfortable with it - even if you’re still kind of shitty.

“What are you up to this Saturday?” You ask. “I’m kind of in the mood for some more of that Korean barbecue. And I could be convinced to do some more karaoke.”

“Well obviously I’m going to be getting some Korean barbecue and doing some karaoke, then. Right?”

“I thought you might say that.”

Kino holds the door to the music building open, allowing you to pass through. “M’lady.”

“What a sweet, southern gentleman,” you drawl.

“The south side is not southern!”

“You started it! Don’t try to fight me about this.”

You’ve decided after all of the nonsense with Professor Yang, you don’t care enough about the couple of extra points. Obviously if he’s seeing someone else he’s not trying to win you over by boosting your grades. He’s just actually a fucking idiot who can’t count.

Midterms are coming up right around the corner, and that means it’s almost time for the workshop half of the semester to begin. As you’re all working on this week’s lab, Professor Yang calls each student to the front of the class individually to chat about what instrument they want to build.

Shinhye goes up before you - she wants to build a miniature marimba. You thought about doing the same, since it would be easy for you to play with your piano background, but you decided a little while ago that you’re interested in building a dulcimer. It could be a fun challenge for you.

Then it’s your turn. You don’t bother to put on a fake smile as you approach the front of the room, and he seems to be all business as well. You take a seat across from him.

“So.” He starts with a casual tone. “What are your thoughts for your final project?”

“Appalachian dulcimer,” you respond bluntly. He cocks his head, noticing your attitude.

“Alright.” He makes note of your choice on the pad of paper in front of him. “Have you looked into some different body shapes?”

“I want to do an hourglass shape.” You try not to stare him down. You don’t want to make a scene, no matter how bothered you feel. “With diamond shaped sound holes.”

He scribbles, eyes trained on the paper in front of him as he speaks. “We can definitely do the hourglass shape, although bending the wood is a little time consuming. Not impossible, though.”

“That’s fine.”

Setting his pen down, he finally looks up at you. You hold his gaze. His blank expression is impossible to read, and you try to keep yours as neutral as possible.

“Should we discuss your grade?”

“Nothing to discuss, really. Just make sure you count my points correctly next time.” You stand. “Is that all you needed?”

Professor Yang sits back, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Yes. Send up the next student, please.”

“My pleasure.”

As you clomp back to Shinhye, you fix a smile onto your face and let the kid next to you know that it’s his turn. You plop back into your seat, and focus one-thousand percent on finishing your lab so that you can keep your mind off of Professor Yang as long as possible.

You bury your hands deeply into your jacket pockets as you make your way up the stairs to the designated rehearsal room, feeling way too nervous for something that really isn’t even a big deal.

Changgu, the boy from the reception desk, had invited you to tonight’s Jazz Band rehearsal. When he mentioned it to you in person you thought it would be fun, but you didn’t actually expect to get an invitation. You figured he would probably forget, or if he tried he probably wouldn’t get permission. But then he called you, and now it’s really happening.

You open the door, hoping to all that is Holy that Changgu is already there so you don’t have to wait awkwardly - and thank the Lord, he’s sitting at the piano. He looks up as you enter and waves you over, a bright smile on his face.

“Hi, ____.” He greets you as you approach. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Thank you so much for inviting me!” You try not to gush, telling yourself that you have to stay cool. “I seriously appreciate it. I’m looking forward to watching and listening.”

“No problem.” He looks over toward the door again as the director makes his entrance, and Changgu stands. “Let me introduce you to Corbin, yeah?”

You nod and follow him towards the front of the room. Just be cool.

The director notices the two of you walking forward. “Is this our guest?” He asks, smiling broadly as he tugs off his jacket.

“Yes, this is _____. She’s the piano student I told you about.” Changgu introduces you warmly, and you don’t expect it. “She says she’s going to audition to be in Jazz Band next school year.”

“Going to be some awfully big shoes to fill once this guy graduates.” The director slaps Changgu on the back, laughing deeply. Then he extends his hand to you. “Call me Corbin.

“It’s nice to meet you, Corbin.” You shake his hand firmly. “And I look forward to auditioning.”

“I’ll be looking forward to hearing what you have to offer.”

You sit next to the piano for the duration of the practice, and it’s really an interesting experience to witness their rehearsal. Really, it’s run no differently from any other ensemble. The biggest difference is the sheer talent of the students involved. You’re sitting in a room with some of the best musicians in the school, and even though they’re all so good, they run into trouble spots in the music like anyone else would. It’s a really great reminder to you that no one is perfect.

It’s also really enlightening to you to see how Changgu navigates the music. He doesn’t have full sheet music in front of him - he’s working solely with lead sheets that only give him the chord progression and general rhythms. You’ve worked with lead sheets before and you understand how much room for interpretation they give. Changgu’s hands skillfully caress the keys, arpeggiating and clustering, making the music his own in a way you wouldn’t have considered. By the end of rehearsal, you have a whole new appreciation for Changgu’s craft and the amazing skill he possesses.

“I’m sure you already know this,” you stand next to the piano after rehearsal wraps up, “but you’re seriously an incredible pianist.”

“Thank you,” he laughs with a gentle smile. “What did you think of the rehearsal?”

“Eye-opening.” You nod succinctly.

Changgu snaps his binder shut. “You know, since we’re here, why don’t you play me something?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Come on.” He stands, patting the piano bench for you to sit. “Let’s hear what you’ve got.”

Shit. You aren’t exactly prepared, but what good pianist doesn’t have some music memorized for times like these?

Just a touch nervous - this is kind of a big deal, after all - you take your seat at the piano and start playing “Autumn Leaves” by Joseph Kosma. It’s one you’ve been playing for years and years, and it sits comfortably in your fingers.

As you play, you lose yourself to the song, and you don’t even notice the two boys approaching the piano. It isn’t until you wrap up and they start slowly clapping that you realize they’ve joined you.

“Who do we have here?” A tall, blonde boy smirks down at you.

“_____. She’s trying to take my seat next year.” Changgu introduces you.

“That’s me.” You look up at them both, and the broad-shouldered one speaks up.

“Too bad we won’t be around next year to play alongside you.”

“Seniors?” You inquire. Both Blondie and Shoulder Boy nod. “That’s too bad, then.”

Blondie smirks again before turning to Changgu. “You still in to go to the jazz club this weekend?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.” Changgu agrees.

Shoulder Boy looks over at you. “Do you want to come? We’re all going to perform at the open mic down at Andy’s Saturday night.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. You should come.” Blondie leans on the piano, and he’s quite persuasive in the princely gaze he holds.

Changgu speaks up, too. “Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“Well then, you have to come. It’s twenty-one and up, of course. You’re old enough, right?”

You look between the three of them. When in the hell would you ever get the chance to go to a jazz club with three seniors? Besides... it could be a great opportunity to do something different and get yourself out of this stupid funk you’ve been in. Might help you get over all the nonsense with Professor Yang. So why not? “O-of course.”

“Great.” Blondie taps the piano with his knuckle. “I’m Yanan, by the way. This is Shinwon. We’ll see you Saturday.”

Honestly, you feel pretty guilty about canceling your plans with Kino. But this is a special opportunity, and you can get Korean barbecue with Kino anytime. This is your chance to mingle with the big kids of the department, and it’s not something you want to pass up.

You flash your ID to the bouncer - your fake ID, that is - and casually enter the jazz club. You do your best to look nonchalant about it, and the bouncer doesn’t even question the birthdate on your card.

The club is dimly lit, but there are soft yellow lamps around the bar and candles on the tables. The aura is immediately calming, yet alluring.

Yanan is the first of the trio that you see - he’s standing at the bar, ordering drinks. You walk up to him and he notices you immediately.

“What are you drinking tonight?” He smiles lazily at you. It’s charming on him.

You raise an eyebrow. “Perhaps an Old Fashioned.”

“How classy.”

“We are in a jazz club. Seems fitting, don’t you think?”

Yanan adds your order to his list, and turns back to you as the bartender gets your drinks together. “Has Changgu talked you into performing tonight?”

“Me? No, he hasn’t.” You chuckle. “Should I?”

He shrugs minutely. “I don’t know if I’d go on stage in that dress…”

Your jaw drops at the unexpected comment. “What’s wrong with my dress?”

“Nothing, sweetheart. Trust me.” Yanan looks you up and down. “Just be prepared for some staring.”

The dress in question is undoubtedly one of your favorites, which is why you put it on for tonight. The neckline dips low between your breasts and the skirt hugs your hips comfortably. It shows off your shape, to say the least. You feel gorgeous and mature when you wear it, and it just feels like the right choice for this type of event.

Yanan’s flirty undertone stirs up a sweet warmth in your belly and somehow makes you feel more confident under his gaze. You turn towards the bar, subtly arching your back to give him a view or your rear end. “Stare all you want, sweetheart.”

You barely catch Yanan’s smirk before you realize the bartender is handing over your drinks. You each take two glasses and he leads you towards the front of the club, near the stage. The whole walk over is spent questioning how the hell you had the nerve to actually flirt back, but hey. ‘New school year, new you’ and all that. Maybe this is you finally stepping into your womanhood.

Changgu and Shinwon are seated on bar stools around a tall, circular table. A single tea candle flickers at the center of the table, throwing bits of light on the boys’ faces. Yanan claims the seat next to Shinwon and pulls the empty seat ever so slightly closer before you can sit down.

So this is how tonight’s going to go.

You have a lot of fun at the club, sipping your Old Fashioned, chatting with the boys, and listening to some seriously incredible music. Honestly, you’d take another night like this over a night at a regular club any day. This is laid-back, classy, sensual. Just your style.

When the guys get up to perform, you don’t even mind sitting by yourself. You feel so relaxed. Maybe it’s because you’re on your third Old Fashioned. (Yes, it’s going to be an expensive night. No, you don’t care.)

A girl joins the three of them on stage to play drums, and you think you might recognize her from the music department. She has a cute, round face and big eyes, like a doll. And it’s probably a good thing she’s there, too - her soft brushes set the perfect tone for the trio’s music.

Changgu tears it up on piano, of course, but in the sweetest, most melodic way. It’s a really easy, smooth sound. Shinwon plucks away at the upright bass, and Yanan contributes soulful bits of saxophone melodies. You want to just close your eyes and live in the music.

Their short set is over far too soon, but it’s only fair; they get two songs, just like everybody else. When they rejoin you at the table, the girl drummer comes with, tucked under Shinwon’s arm.

“Well done, well done,” you snap your fingers, truly taking on the jazz club persona.

“Thank you,” Changgu bows his head, a sweet grin on his lips. And then he throws you for a loop. “Get ready, you’re probably next.”

“What?”

Your ears perk up as the emcee on stage calls your name.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I signed you up.” Changgu explained, grin turning mischievous. “Go play that tune you played for us the other day.”

“Changgu!” You’re barely even able to protest as he nudges you toward the stage. “Not fair!”

“Just do it,” he encourages, giving you one last little shove.

Suddenly you are very nervous, and you wonder if you’re even sober enough to play well. You’re not drunk yet, but definitely tipsy enough that you’ve started to feel lightheaded.

Jeez. This is completely unfair.

Sitting down at the piano, you pull the microphone over to your mouth. “Hey, everyone. Um, I’m _____, and I was brought up here entirely against my will. Thanks for that.” You gesture towards the boys’ table and laugh, and the audience chuckles with you. “I’m going to play you all a little song called ‘Autumn Leaves’.”

Pushing the microphone away, you settle your fingers onto the keys and let the music take you away. Even in your slightly intoxicated state, the notes come to you easily. You feel yourself swaying as you play, but not in a drunken way - just in the way that pianists do.

You follow the melody, giving yourself the artistic freedom to change things up as you please, and by the end you genuinely feel good about the performance. The crowd applauds as you take a bow and usher yourself off stage, only willing to use up one of your two allotted songs.

As you head back towards the table, all you can think about is how you’re going to get Changgu back for that stunt. At the very least, he could have stopped you from ordering another drink if he knew you were going to be performing. But to let you get tipsy and then toss you up on stage, completely unprepared? You shake your head, chuckling. So not cool.

A hand grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks. You’re alarmed for only a moment before you turn around - and you’re filled with dread.

Professor Yang.

Why is he here? Why did he have to show up tonight?

Why does it feel like you just can’t get away from him?

“What do you-”

“You have no right to be here.” He cuts you off sternly. “You’re underage.”

Frowning, you shake out of his grip. “I’m aware.”

“You need to go home. Now.”

“Oh my God, seriously? Who do you think you are? I know you’re older than me, but you’re not my father. Back off.” The alcohol is catching up with you, but you don’t care what you say to him.

“You’re being irresponsible-”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what I do, right?” Your brow knits together and you’re so full of rage. “I fucking slept with you, after all, so maybe that’s just what you should expect from me. I’m just some irresponsible child, right?”

“Don’t talk like that.” Professor Yang glances around to make sure no one is paying attention to your conversation. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Why do you care? You don’t care about me. Just leave me alone.” You turn and head towards your table again, wanting to just be done with him. You can’t even have a nice night without him somehow coming along to ruin it.

You make it to the table, and the guys start to congratulate you before they recognize the man that’s been following you.

“Oh hey, Hongseok.” Yanan gets up from his seat, places his hands on your shoulders, and turns you around to face the bane of your existence. “What did you think of our little _____, here?”

“I’m not your friend. At least call me Mr. Yang if you can’t manage the title Professor.” His eyes drop to you for only a moment, stopping to notice Yanan’s fingers on your bare shoulders. His voice is surprisingly cool as he speaks. “She came here with you?”

“She did, Mr. Yang.”

“She needs to go home now. She’s underage and shouldn’t be here.”

“Underage?” Changgu speaks up.

With a roll of your eyes you confess, “I’m nineteen.”

“Yes. So someone please take her back to her home.” Professor Yang looks at the boys, stopping on Yanan. “Not you. Changgu, please escort her.”

“Not me?” Yanan protests behind you.

“I don’t trust you. Bringing a sophomore here and getting her drunk.” He scoffs.

“She’s an adult. She can do what she wants.” Yanan defends you. “It’s just a little alcohol. She’s fine.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You agree, frowning at Professor Yang. “I’m not drunk.”

Changgu jumps in. “No, Professor Yang is right. She shouldn’t be here if she’s underage. I’ll take her home.”

“I’ll take myself home. I feel fine.” Brushing off Yanan’s hands, you head for the door. You just want to get the hell out of there and away from him.

You’ve barely stepped outside when you feel his presence - he followed you out. Professor Yang steps up right next to you, grabbing hold of your arm again. “Stay put. I’ll get you a cab.”

“I can take the train.”

“Not by yourself, dressed like that.” He stands at the curb to hail the taxi.

“I can wear whatever I want,” you pout.

“I know that. But you’re also smart enough to know there are a lot of people out there who won’t respect your autonomy.” He spares a glance back at you, and you notice the concern on his face. “Just let me get you in a cab so I know you’ll be safe.”

You scoff. “Like you care.”

“Would you stop saying that?” His suddenly loud voice startles you as he abandons his cab-hailing mission. “This is exactly the kind of shit I wanted to avoid with you. You should have dropped the class when you had the chance.”

You stare him down. “Like I said: I’m just full of irresponsible decisions, aren’t I?”

And then the most dangerous thing in the world happens.

His gaze falls to your lips.

It only takes up a moment, but his eyes linger just long enough that you know it can’t have been by chance.

Your voice is infinitesimally small as you murmur, “What was that?”

Professor Yang searches your face, a sort of melancholy in his eyes. “Don’t make me answer that question.”

Every ounce of blood in your veins boils over, making your face hot. You’re speechless. Completely, utterly speechless. You honestly, genuinely, cannot think of anything to say.

And neither can he.

So you both stew in the thickening air, the space between you filled to the brim with the weight of his unspoken confession. It’s suffocating.

This is precisely the type of moment that is bound to screw you over eventually. Not even a deep breath can calm you - your lungs are full of his cologne, and you want nothing more than to bury your nose in his chest.

It would be so easy to grab him by the collar and pull him into your arms, claim his lips with your own and remind him how good it feels to be with you.

Show him that he still prefers you over that other woman.

Professor Yang finally steps back, breaking the spell and returning to the curb. He calls over a taxi and pulls open the back door for you. “Where are you headed?” he asks you.

“Corner of 15th and State.” You near the cab as he pulls out his wallet, grabbing a few bills and handing them to the driver through the window.

“Take her to 15th and State, please. No other stops.”

“Yessir.”

Standing behind the door, you feel hesitant to take a seat.

Come with me, you want to ask of him. Come sit with me and look at me like I’m something special. Pretend that we might be in love, like we did that night.

All you want is another moment with him, but it won’t happen. You won’t let yourself speak those words.

The ringing of a cell phone catches your attention and he pulls his phone from his pocket, checking the caller ID and deciding that he needs to answer. To you, he says, “Get home safe, alright?”

Could that be his girlfriend calling? You’re hit with a wave of jealousy, and you call after him as he walks off. “Say hi to your girlfriend for me!”

Before he can even turn around, you drop into the car and slam the door shut, pouting in the back seat as the driver pulls away from the curb.

Yeah, that was a pretty childish thing for you to do. But you’re almost drunk and you don’t give a shit.

You get out your own phone. Not even 11PM and you’re already being sent home. This is ridiculous.

Just as you’re writing out an apology text to Changgu (to apologize for your lie and also the miserable turn of events this evening), your phone rings.

Why is Wooseok calling?

You answer, curious. “Hey.”

“_____…” He drawls your name.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Just drunk.”

“Not hosting another party, I hope.” You look out the window as you stop at yet another red light. “Haven’t you learned anything?”

“No party this time. It’s just me, by myself. Which is pretty lame…”

Ah. You think you know where this is going. “Why did you call me, Wooseok?”

“Come over and drink with me. It’ll make me feel better. Pleaseee?”

You’re quiet for a second as you consider. You think about everything Professor Yang said to you tonight, how he called you irresponsible.

Irresponsible does seem to be your middle name these days.

“Alright, I’ll be there in ten.”

Wooseok is properly drunk by the time you arrive, but he’s not messy. He’s actually very easy to be around - or maybe you just feel that way because you’re a bit drunk yourself. He supplies you with a few shots of tequila, and you’re certainly well on your way.

You’ve still got enough sense to know that the two of you should have at least some water tonight to avoid a hangover headache in the morning, so you get up from the couch to grab each of you a glass. Wooseok follows you, and he leans against the wall as you get the water.

“I got a pretty good grade on my theory test this week. All thanks to you.”

“That’s awesome! I knew you could do it.” You pour water from the filtered pitcher into each glass and hand him one. “Drink that.”

“You know what? You’re a great teacher.” He obediently takes a sip. “And I thought about what you said. You’re right, I’m a badass drummer and that’s… that’s the coolest thing.”

“Cheers to that!” You clink your water glass against his and gulp some of it down.

“But the coolest thing about you is how you just make everything seem so easy. You’re so smart. And hot. S’not fair.”

“I’m hot?” You ask. The warmth of the liquor in your veins makes you feel soft and fuzzy, and grin up at him lazily. Has he always been this attractive? You’ve seen him in that jean jacket plenty of times, but for some reason it just looks especially good on him right now.

“Hell yeah, you’re, like, way hot.” He rubs his eyes. “Hey, I have a question for you.”

“What is it?”

“Do you like Yuto?”

“Yuto?” That’s probably the last question you could have expected him to ask.

“Yeah. It’s just, I saw you go in the closet with him at the party and I was just wondering what happened.”

“Oh. Nothing happened, actually.” You shake your head, giggling at the way the motion makes you feel dizzy. “He just saw the RA show up and he pulled me aside so that we wouldn’t get in trouble. We just stood there until the coast was clear, and then we left.”

“Do you like him, though?”

“I don’t know, I hardly know him. I don’t have any feelings for him, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Wooseok leans toward you, a solemn expression on his face. “He’s my friend, you know. So if anything’s going on between you two, I should know about it.”

Why does it suddenly feel like you’re in trouble? He’s actually pretty intimidating. Maybe it’s just his size. “Would it be a problem if something happened between me and Yuto?”

He takes a step toward you, forcing you to back up into the kitchen counter bar. His hands rest on the counter on either side of you, locking you in place. “If something happened between you and Yuto, I’d probably have to try to convince myself that I shouldn’t make out with you right now.”

So that’s what he wants. His confession spreads through you like wildfire, and you feel blissfully awake and alive. With all of the bullshit you’ve been dealing with, you’re more than ready to get lost in something - or someone - else.

“Lucky for you…” You grab a fistful of his shirt, slowly pulling him closer. His gaze flutters briefly to your chest, your lips, your eyes. “You can do whatever you want.”

Wooseok takes the glass from your hands and places it on the counter with his glass. His palm comes to rest on your jaw, tilting your face upward as he leans in.

Either you’re drunk or you’re actually incredibly attracted to Wooseok - regardless, you’re shocked head to toe by the sheer intensity of his kiss. He radiates delicious aggression as his hand laces through your hair, his tongue tracing your lower lip. Your hands make their way behind his neck, and he is way too tall (but that’s actually pretty hot).

Next thing you know, his hands are on your waist and he’s lifting you up onto the kitchen bar. You wrap your legs around him, pulling him in as close to you as possible, completely ignoring the way your dress slides up your thighs, exposing your legs to his wandering hand. With one of his hands still in your hair and the other gripping your thigh, you melt under his touch.

Wooseok is pure dominance, and he kisses you like it’s his last chance. Each press of his lips makes you hungry for more. Maybe you’re just deprived, but you seriously cannot get enough of him.

In the back of your drunken mind, you’re desperate to feel hands on your body. You want him to touch you and show you what those long fingers of his can do. You want him to tug your hair and bite your skin and God the way he’s breathing so heavily is so hot.

You pry his hand from your leg and bring it behind your back, silently begging him to rip your zipper and get you naked. He understands, immediately pulling the back of your dress open and fiddling with the hooks of your strapless bra. He makes quick work of it, and finally your chest is exposed.

Wooseok’s large hand cups your breast, his thumb rolling your nipple as his tongue dives between your lips. He tastes of alcohol and it’s the sweetest flavor as he decimates you. You let yourself moan unabashedly to encourage him - everything he does is exactly perfect and you want him to know that he should never, ever stop.

You lean back as his mouth starts to trail down your throat, giving him better access to your chest until you’re lying down across the bar. Wooseok’s hand travels up your torso from belly button to collar bone until his hand wraps around your throat, his mouth suckling your nipple.Tossing your head back, you moan so, so sweetly for him - your head hangs off the edge of the bar, and you get the most delicious headrush.

You’re completely caught up in the moment, and you need more. He has to give you more.

“Wooseok,” you murmur his name, head still hanging. “Let me feel your fingers. Jesus Christ. I want you to touch me. Please.”

With absolutely no hesitation his hand slides up your skirt, and he presses his palm against your clothed clit. “Ask me again, baby.”

Baby? Oh dear Lord you completely lose control of your senses when you hear that pet name. Breathily, you beg, “Wooseok, please touch me. Finger me. I want to feel your hands.”

“Good girl.” He presses a line of kisses across your chest, and he tugs your underwear off, dropping the soaked fabric onto the floor. Christ, you’re so wet for him.

The tips of his fingers sweep across your folds, targeting your clit and winding small circles around it. It’s a sharp and quick motion, and it makes you gasp, your back arching at the sudden onslaught of intense pleasure.

“Is that what you want, baby?”

There it is again - baby. Why does it sound so natural coming from his lips? “Yes, Wooseok! Oh my God… More, please, more…”

As you wish, Wooseok brought two fingers to his mouth, wetting them with his saliva before letting them slip past your folds, diving deep into your warmth. It’s exactly what you wanted, and the combination of his circling and pumping drives you absolutely wild.

“Tell me what you like,” he murmurs, and you let your fingers card through his soft hair.

You’re breathless, but you manage to find words. “I like… everything you’re doing. Oh God, I like how… rough you are… I want- ohh!”

The coil in your belly tightens, and you tug hard on Wooseok’s hair. He groans lowly, and your walls clench wildly around his fingers.

“What do you want?” His voice is breathy as he asks, and his teeth gently bite down on your nipple, tugging.

“I want to come, please, just keep going, let me come!”

“Go ahead, baby.”

He doesn’t do a single thing different - he just keeps his exact pace, that fucking spectacular tempo he’s got, letting you work yourself up until you finally hit your breaking point.

You arch your back as stars explode behind your eyelids, shooting you into another galaxy of pleasure and ecstasy. Your whole body feels electric and tingly, and your walls pulse joyfully around his fingers as you release every ounce of tension you’ve held.

What fucking fantastic fingers he has.

Before you can fully come down, though, you hear the apartment door open.

Panicked, you sit straight up, forcefully bumping heads with Wooseok. You both simultaneously clutch your foreheads, groaning from the pain. And in your hurry to sit up, you accidentally knock over one of the glasses sitting next to you on the counter, spilling water everywhere.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” you apologize as you attempt to cover yourself with the dress that’s gathered around your waist.

Just then, Wooseok’s roommate, Minho, comes strolling in. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the two of you were just doing, and he frowns. “Seriously, Wooseok? The kitchen counter? You couldn’t fucking make it to the bedroom, or even give me a heads-up?”

“Whatever, dude.” Wooseok steps between you and Minho to help hide your disheveled state. “Can we have a minute?”

Minho rolls his eyes. “Just don’t fuck up the couch too much.”

“We’re not-” Wooseok’s voice gets cut off as Minho yanks the bedroom door shut. He turns back to you, still rubbing his head. “Are you okay?”

You nod and let your dress fall down again so you can return your bra to its rightful place on your chest. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. You’ve got some great tits, by the way.” He admires your chest as you hook your bra.

With a short chuckle you respond, “Thanks.”

“You know… We could fuck up the couch a little, if you want…” Wooseok suggests mischievously, despite the conversation he just had with his roommate.

“I think I should probably go, actually.” You feel more than a little awkward about his roommate showing up, and you’re positive that you must be fifty shades of red right about now. You jump down from the counter and head for the door, zipping up your dress along the way.

What should you say? Thanks? Sorry? See you again soon? You’re not prepared for this kind of situation. All you know is that you just want to get home.

So you do what anyone else would do and you just don’t say a damn thing as you bolt out the door.

Your mind is still too fuzzy from the alcohol and the orgasm to even process what just happened between the two of you, and all you can think about is how the whole skirt of your dress is wet from those glasses being knocked over and you probably look like a hot mess right now.

Normally you’d take the stairs out, but you feel too dizzy to make it down stairs without falling - so you wait for the elevator instead. And as if you haven’t already had enough of a weird night, the elevator doors open to a familiar concerned face.

“_____?” Kino stares at you from inside the elevator, taking in your messy hair, rumpled dress, dripping skirt.

You’re simultaneously relieved to see him and consumed with guilt - you had canceled your plans with him, and now look how the night has turned out. “Kino…”

It’s obvious by the look in his eye that he can tell something is wrong. You don’t even have to voice what’s happening inside of your head. He just knows. “Do you want to come over?”

Nodding, you feel the familiar burn of tears in the corner of your eyes.

What a hell of a night.

Post Script | Thank you for reading! Please stay tuned for Part 6.

Update | Check out Part 5.5 (Kino POV) and this ask (Wooseok POV) for bonus canon content!

All Rights Reserved © gwentoryfics. No translations, reposting, and/or modifying of the material is allowed without my direct permission.

[floofsta-x]

Monsta X, 아름다워 BEAUTIFUL musical analysis

Writers 별들의 전쟁, 주헌 (Jooheon), 아이엠 (I.M)

Composer 별들의 전쟁

Arrangers 별들의 전쟁, 아테나

Time Signature 4/4 (common time)

Tempo ~150bpm

Key concert D minor

    Hey guys! Sorry this took me so long, school as always has been eating me absolutely alive. Even now as I’m writing this I’m supposed to be catching up on assignments but I have absolutely no motivation at all to do so. Also hey, doing random but important musical analyses is relevant to my music degree....right?

    When I first heard Beautiful, in watching the music video seven seconds after it was posted to Starship’s YouTube channel, I was completely and totally blown away. Heck, I think all of us were! I’ve seen several posts pertaining to how expectations for this comeback were extremely high, but the new album and title track blew them out of the water. The music video, too, showcases the best of the boys’ talents and charms! I have to admit that each of the boys turns my head at least once in it, and ruins me in some cases too. Kings only here. :))

    Now I’m starting to analyze the music itself, and as I get farther and farther into it, I’m starting to see (or rather hear) exactly why this song is already making waves. Some of the things that I’m running into are both confounding me and making me grin in awe and pure joy. In short, this is something that might not be a big challenge to a music theorist but will definitely make them go ‘wow, yeah, this is cool’. 

    I’ve looked at a bunch of K-pop songs over the last couple months, and time and again Monsta X stands out in my head as being the group to listen to, period. All of their songs are very well done.

    But anyway! I’m just laying down facts you already know huh? Let’s see if I can’t blow your mind a little like this has been blowing mine~ 

     As with every song I analyze, I first transcribe the melody only, writing it down on staff paper. I use bar lines as phrase separations and not necessarily to write out rhythm; also all notes are represented by a quarter note with a slanted (or not so slanted, this is all handwritten lol) stem. Main backgrounds are notated and labelled; embellishing harmonies and higher vocal lines are written out above the staff. This is a technique that I originally developed when I was planning to start a series on here called kpop theory, all the way back when i joined the fandom four months ago xD. 

    Okay! now to breaking down this huge hunk of music! I’ll split this into parts so it’s hopefully a little easier to read. Also I’ll put all pitches in concert key; I’m having to transpose from clarinet (in B♭) so if there’s something off, please forgive me.

    Sidenote: the reason that I need to do this is because not all musical instruments sound the same. If one plays a written middle ‘C’ on the clarinet, it is not the same thing as a written middle ‘C’ on a piano; actually, It would sound the same as the ‘B♭’ right underneath that. So, basing everything around this pitch, we say that clarinet is in B♭.

Opening / Verse 1? >>> Jooheon and I.M’s Raps

     I haven’t fully analyzed every little background line, but I can say that for the most part, everything is centered in d minor. Actually the first pitch we hear is a d; it’s hidden in the electronic sounds but there nonetheless. (That’s also why it’s the first note written on my sheet lol.)

    The moment before Jooheon breaks in, the backgrounds hit a low ‘A’ and ascend by half steps--semitones--to d, there is distortion of course but the trained ear can pick out the chromaticism pretty easily. From here the synth riff in the background keeps tension incredibly high while Jooheon and Changkyun are rapping. (I love how they’re getting more comfortable with coordinating their raps! My little heart is weak for our rapper line ❤︎) I haven’t figured it out note for note yet (THERE’S AN INSTRUMENTAL SECTION IN THE MAKING FILM BLESS), but I know that through this section the main notes are f, e, d, a--the fifth scale degree of D minor and a note that is common in all kinds of music-- a♭, a strange little addition that probably has something to do with the last and lowest note, the next f down.

    Jooheon and Changkyun are so great at fast rapping wow. They both break into sixteenth notes (perhaps even faster) during this first section, very quick for the tempo of right around 150 bpm. Try Google searching a metronome, and setting it right around there, then saying “one-ee-and-uh” for every beat. Difficult huh?

    Last but not least, if you’re wondering why I’ve labelled this with a ‘Verse 1?’, that’s simply because I believe it to be the first verse, but I’m not quite used to calling rap, verses as in verses of a song and not just verses on their own.

Pre-Chorus >>> Shownu, Wonho

    The last note of the synth riff, the ‘A’, leads right into Shownu’s line, “niga nal, manjmyeon...”. Whoever wrote the melody is an absolute genius, it’s very flowing, lyrical, and beautiful ;). Compared to Jooheon and Changkyun’s fierceness right before, it really took me aback.

Solfege for this section: ↓ Sol Te Do / Me Re Te / ↓ Sol Sol Le / Me Re Do Te / ↓ Sol Sol Te Do Do ↑ Sol Me Me Fa / Me Re Do [EVERY DAY] / Me Re Do [EVERY NIGHT] / Do Re Me Fa [I CAN FEEL YOU] / ↑ Sol [OH]

    This sequence is very diatonic (moving by steps on the minor scale) so therefore easy to sing, something I am extremely pleased with. I was admittedly was worried, going into this comeback, that in an effort to make their songs more impactful they’d complicate the melodies and make them harder to follow. But they didn’t! Personally, though, Wonho’s ‘oh’ is right around the break between my chest and head voices, so I either have to switch or force my chest voice a little (I go sharp sometimes when I do the latter but I can usually hit it accurately). 

    So I’ll take this opportunity to talk about the key a little more. We’re in concert D Minor (with a key signature of one flat, one sharp for B♭ instruments) and I’m finding that most of the other songs on the album are in a similar key. I’ve mentioned before that I believe that key can affect the listener’s opinion of the song, right? Compared to The Clan part 2, on which close to all the songs were in keys with multiple flats and sharps, this is better. I believe that it’s part of the reason why not as many people like Fighter, the different style contributing as well, of course.

Chorus >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

Solfege: Do Do Do Do ↑ Sol Me Fa / Fa Fa Me Re Do (Do Re Me Fa) / Do Do Do Do Sol Me Fa / Me Me Me ↑ Te Do Sol / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa Sol / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa [SO BEAUTIFUL] / ↑ Do Te Sol Fa Sol [SO BEAUTIFUL] / Me Me Do Me Me  / Me Me Me Do Me / Do Me Fa Re / ↓ Te Te Te Te Te Re Do

    Again, most of the chorus is either diatonic or only skipping by thirds in each line. The only exceptions are the Do to Sol (D to A) in the first and third lines, and Me to Te, in Kihyun’s “geot gatado”. HIs falsetto here is quite clear and clean, and I’m in love with it? The note that he hits, that high E, is seen quite frequently in choir soprano lines. I have to use my own head voice to reach it! When Minhyuk sings it in the next phrase, it is a little grainier but not much. The “so beautiful’ theme is just amazing, I love it. Again, master melody writer!

    And then Hyungwon finishes it off with his amazing baritone! This part isn’t as low as some of his other things have been (Interstellar and Hero come particularly to mind) but he handles it beautifully. Like both songs, his lines are kind of a mood shift. Prior to now, we haven’t seen the ‘E’ (Re) in the melody (Wonho sings it in only passing during his “I can feel you”) and it gives more of a major feel to the end of the line, also perhaps to help us into the dance section. 

Dance Break 1 / Rap 2 / Verse 2 Pt 1? >>> Jooheon / IM

    Sometimes I wish that I was a talented dancer; doesn’t the boys’ dance look so cool?? They’re really in sync, I’m sure that they spent countless hours in the practice room rehearsing. My goal in life is to be so passionate about something that I can do that, push myself to the limit for it. 

    Anyways back to the music. Now we see that the backgrounds get changed up, emphasizing the electronic beat. They’re really effective, though simple: I didn’t notate it in my transcription, but it’s mostly chromatic half steps around D with a quarter note triplet rhythm. Here’s a quick mockup I made in MuseScore:

    The lower notes are the true ones, but I put them an octave higher too for anyone who can read music but isn’t necessarily good with lots of ledger lines.

    After eight bars of dance, next comes another rap section. Changkyun still sticks closely to sixteenth note patterns, while Jooheon breaks out into triplets, something that he’s done in other songs of theirs (Stuck comes particularly to mind). To feel this for yourself, say the word ‘blue-ber-ry’ to a beat. 

    This section ends with Jooheon’s ‘You’re so Awesome’. 

EXTENSION / Verse 2 Pt 2? >>> Hyungwon, Minhyuk, Jooheon

Solfege: te te ↑ do / te te te te te ↑ re ↓ te ↑ do / te te ↑ do / te te te te ↑ do re ↓ do te / do ↑ me me ↓ do do ↑ re re ↓ do do ↑ me me ↓ do do ↑ me / [JOOHEON RAP, I DON’T KNOW, 싹 다 ALL IN]

    Jooheon’s little melody there right before his rap is kind of atonal so I’m not sure of the pitches or solfege for sure, but I think what I have written above is correct (and what’s on the transposition sheet is incorrect). Me to Do is a minor third, and this is a very common interval; it’s used a lot in children’s songs and is often one of the first intervals they sing. Over the summer, I babysat two kids, a six year old girl and her four year old brother, and we were outside playing one day and the boy saw a bug on the ground. “roly-poly, roly-poly”, he sang, and bent down to pick it up. Take a wild guess what interval he used. Yep, the minor third.

    I believe this little part to be a melody extension, as it doesn’t seem to link back to either the bridge (forthcoming), the verses, the pre-chorus, or the chorus; it might even be separate all on its own. It shares the darker sound and leads right into the next pre-chorus like the verses, and it’s the same lineup as the chorus (plus Jooheon of course).

    I think that I’ve been getting more comfortable with telling people in my music department about my love for k-pop, so it shouldn’t be too weird to go to a theory professor and ask about this structure, right? I’m thinking that I’m going to pick our accompanist’s brain about it.  

Pre-Chorus 2 >>> Shownu, Wonho

    This is the exact same as it was before, and still just as beautiful. My only regret is that Wonho’s ‘oh’ isn’t accompanied by a full, clear view of that smoky look again (he hasn’t been doing it in performance, either, I’ve noticed--Does Wonho know that he’s missing a chance to maim and kill Monbebe? I’m always watching Monsta X mvs and shouting at the screen “YES Wonho WE KNOW you’re cute and sexy, can you STOP ALREADY” but....I want more of that smoky look....)

Chorus 2 >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

    Again, this is the same as the last time, with a few more background vocals added to ramp up the tension. I think Jooheon has some rapped ‘yeah’s and there might be some harmony parts too. 

    Which brings me to another reason why I really love this new album. It seems to me that there’s more of that harmony on Beautiful than on their previous releases, more consistently. I mean I know it’s been there before, I mean come on, 하얀소녀, and also Kihyun’s ever-present last-chorus elaborations???? but now I’m like really starting to hear and enjoy it when these boys back each other up. 

    Ps. If you ever want an experience? Find some instrumental tracks. They’re released with albums sometimes; I’ve found that they’re pretty easily accessible on Spotify. Take a moment to listen to what’s going on without any background vocals. It’s weird sometimes! My personal favorite example is Boys Republic’s Get Down.

Breakdown / Bridge >>> Kihyun, Wonho, Shownu

    Slow it down, we gotta slow it, slow it down~ 

Solfege: (K) Me Me Do Me Me Fa / Me Re Me Re Me Re Do / (W) Me Me Do Me Do Me Fa / Me Re Me Re Sol / (S) Me Me Do Me Re Do / Me Re Me Re Me Re Do / (K) Me Me Do Me Me Do Me Fa Fa / Sol Fa / Te Te Te / Te Re Do

    Breakdowns are often my favorite part of tracks, simply because they give the boys a moment to shine without anything overly complicated or attention-catching in the background. Beautiful is no exception, mainly because the harmonies are really brought out here, especially in the breaks between phrases in the main melody. I’m not quite versed enough to pick out what all the individual vocal lines are, but I’ve written what I heard right off on my transcription :) I’ll do a supplement once I know everything for sure.

    This time there’s no pre-chorus, the Bridge takes its place, so finally we go straight into:

Chorus 3 / Final Chorus >>> Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon

    And now Kihyun’s high notes are featured behind the band, and boy they are glorious. They don’t go any higher than anything he sings in the chorus, but they might seem so because of how they are presented and their placement in the song. Also, the vocal quality with which he sings them. I’ve noticed that Kihyun tends to stay light on his top notes, and in performances keeps his throat relaxed and his eyebrows up while he sings them. That’s a pretty certain sign that he’s been trained well by a vocal coach or multiple vocal coaches; also a testament to his natural talent and gift. 

    These backgrounds are the final level of tension to an already exciting and amazing song. Our boys are talented, that’s for sure! And I’m very glad that Starship is willing to bring in the best to work and collaborate with them. 

    And I believe that’s about all I have! Monsta X is just getting better and better, aging like a to-be-fine wine. I really hope that they can get their first win with this album, they really deserve it! I can’t stop listening to any of their music, and that is a good part of the reason why they’re my ultimate bias group. I’m working as hard as I have time to to make sure that their win happens. Monbebe! Fighting! 

    Please anticipate my analysis of the rest of the album, too, at some point in the near future. I just need the time, but what is that ;-; Also I’ve been wanting to do a series like this (as I mentioned before) for various other songs (I even have an entire playlist on Youtube devoted to it) but nothing ever came out of it, other than a collection of personal transcriptions that I annoy my friends with by playing all the time. ahha.

    I mean if you liked it give me a nudge? I loved doing this, and I haven’t seen anything like it here on tumblr. Also if you need explanations on things, my ask box is always open!!