#so he can't help me do all this shit anymore i have to drag myself up and drain myself out

[andromeda3116]

i have had the worst fucking time getting this fucking sinus infection under control it's been two goddamned weeks and every little thing that can go wrong has gone wrong because the first antibiotic just didn't work because the bacteria is probably just resistant to it i probably just need a different antibiotic and two condescending-ass doctors refused to listen to that and told me to rest and hydrate more even though i've been doing nothing but those things for two goddamned weeks and i finally find a doctor who will give me the prescription and it goes to the wrong pharmacy by accident and that one isn't open on sundays so i go to it this morning and for some fucking reason they don't have fucking amoxi-fucking-cillin in stock (amoxicillin! basic-ass fucking antibiotic!) and i have to go to my usual pharmacy to get it but they say it'll be an hour and a half and i finally get the notification that it's ready and i get to the pharmacy one! fucking!! minute!!! after they close the window for lunch and i want to cry i am struggling not to pass out in a fucking walgreens because i've had to jump through a week-long fucking GAUNTLET when i am completely drained of energy and can barely walk and what the fuck universe what the fuck did i do

i just need amoxicillin

please why can i not get the fucking amoxicillin

please

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Want Some Help? | Jeon Jungkook One Shot

Summary: When your boyfriend can't seem to satisfy you anymore your roommate decides to lend a helping hand. Pairing: f!reader x Jungkook (crackhead roommate energy) Word Count: 4.7k (got a little carried away but when don't I 😂) Warnings: Explicit language, smut and cheating. He spits in her mouth at the end lol and hella pet names. Aight that's all you're getting lol gotta read the rest to find out. a/n: This is the last thing I'll be posting before I go on a little hiatus. I'll make a post in a couple of days to explain but I'll let this circulate a bit before I do. I hope you enjoy it! (barely edited lol) Requested by a lovely anon 💜

The sounds in my room are obscene to say the least, more from Brian's side than mine today though. I don't know what it is but something about him isn't doing it for me anymore. Is it the fact that I have a new Adonis for a roommate? Perhaps, but Brian's need to overcompensate for it makes situations like these even more awkward than they need to be. 

"You like that?" he asks, him being so close to cumming with me barely working my way up to it. "Yeah" I respond breathily, trying my best to play the part so this can hopefully be over sooner rather than later. "Fuck" he groans at the sight and sound of my little gasp when he just barely hits that spot but I know he won't be able to figure out how to do it again. 

Brian isn't a selfish lover but the dynamic between us has changed ever since Jungkook moved in... 

He hasn't been as focused on me which now that I think about it is pretty damn selfish. I'm just making excuses for him at this point. He's more focused on his ego and playing it up for my roommate than he is into loving his girlfriend. I don't know how much longer I can be in this relationship if he keeps acting like this. 

"Shit I'm close, are you?" he asks and I nod my head furiously, thanking whoever might've been listening to my plea and seconds later he's cumming inside the condom and I do my best to copy the moan that I let out when he's actually done a good job at satisfying me and it seems to be convincing enough since he's giving me that cocky grin before he kisses me again. 

"You wanna shower?" he asks and I shake my head, "You go ahead, I'll shower later. Plus, didn't you say you had work early tomorrow morning? I'll let you get cleaned up in peace so you can head out" I say and he nods his head before going to the bathroom and throwing me a towel before closing the door and turning on the shower. 

Luckily he didn't try to clean me up because there's definetly not much to clean since I didn't cum.

Once I'm finished and I've made myself somewhat presentable I put on my robe and head out into the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. "Have fun?" my roommate says from the living room couch as I pass by on my way to the kitchen. "Shit Jungkook you scared me" I say, holding my hand to my chest. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. Have a good time tonight?" he asks again, his eyes dragging up and down my form, lingering on my chest and when I look down I see that my nipples are very visible unbeknownst to me since I hadn't cared to think about the fact that Jungkook might've come home. 

I wrap my robe tighter around me and cross my arms as I head into the kitchen. "Yes I did thank you very much. Did you?" I spit out quickly, hoping to avoid talking about my sex life with him. "It was alright. I had a long week so I decided to turn in early but um..." he trails off as he watches Brian walk down the hallway and into the kitchen, giving Jungkook a stern look before coming over to talk to me. 

"You alright?" he asks before placing a way too intimate kiss on my lips in front of Jungkook who I see has turned his head back to the TV and isn't bothering to pay attention to the game Brian is trying to play with him. "Yeah I'm fine. Are you heading out?" I ask, very hopeful that this visit will come to an end and thankfully luck is on my side this time. 

"Yeah I gotta get going but I'll come over again soon" he says, looking over at Jungkook before giving me one last kiss and heading towards the door to put on his shoes. "Text me when you get home!" I say and he winks at me before walking out leaving me rolling my eyes once the door is shut. 

I slump against the counter, glad it's finally over and when I look back over at Jungkook he's not too interested in whatever he has playing on the TV anymore, his focus solely on me. 

"What?" I ask him, brows scrunched together and trying to figure out what his deal is. "Why'd you fake it?" he asks and I choke on my spit, caught off guard by the unfiltered question. "Excuse me?" I ask, scandalized that he had been listening enough to even catch onto something like that. 

"You probably wanted it to be over huh?" he asks, assuming what the answer was and unfortunately that was the case but I'm not letting him have the satisfaction of being right. "I don't know what you're talking about" I say, turning on the sink to fill up my cup again but before I can even pull it out from under the tap he's taking it out of my hand. 

"Hey!" I call out, trying to grab it but he holds it just out of reach. "Can't keep you satisfied anymore?" he asks raising a brow at me, a smug look on his face since it seems he can read me like a book based off of my body language alone. "He keeps me very satisfied thank you very much, not that it's any of your business" I say and reach for my cup which he thankfully relinquishes. 

"I know you're lying" he say and I cock a brow at him, not knowing how he could possibly know the truth. "Oh yeah? What makes you say that?" I press, placing the cup on the counter and crossing my arms over my chest, forgetting the fact that I'm completely naked under this and giving him a better view of my cleavage. 

"You're not very quiet when you do it by yourself you know. What do you use? A dildo? One of those little roses? Maybe both?" he questions leaning in closer to me and making my eyes bug out of my head. "How did yo-" "These walls are paper thin doll, so believe me when I say that I can hear every little thing you do to yourself in there. But please, don't stop. I would hate to be deprived of that pretty little voice of yours even though it is quite distracting sometimes" he says, grabbing my cup and holding it between us as a clear invitation to leave if I so desire. 

I take it and rush back to my room, slamming the door behind me and I can hear him chuckle from the kitchen. Fuck he really wasn't kidding when he said these walls are thin.

I flop down onto my bed facedown and scream into my pillow, utterly mortified that he's heard me ever since he got here. I need to wear a muzzle at this rate  since there's no way I'm stopping just for his sake. A girl's got needs and if Brian isn't going to fulfill them then I've gotta do it myself. 

I get up off my bed after I finish my little temper tantrum and change the sheets before taking my robe off and jumping in the shower to hopefully wash off all of Brian's scent. I can't stand to think about him anymore especially after what Jungkook said about him...

After finishing up my shower and drying off my hair I reach into my drawer to get my tried and true rose bud to help me out tonight. Yes he guessed right but I'll be damned if I ever let him see it.

I lay down and try to turn it on and after I've used it for a minute or two it just shuts off. "Fuck" I groan out, forgetting the fact that I had forgotten to grab new batteries for it. The TV remote has the same size batteries right? It's worth a shot to go check since I'm pretty sure he's gone to bed already. 

Walking out to the living room in my robe again I'm met with Jungkook still sitting on the couch watching the same thing he had been when I first came out here. 

I try to turn back around once I've seen him but he stops me by asking me if I needed something. "I just wanted to borrow the batteries from the remote but you're still using it so no worries" I say and try to leave but he stops me again. "I'm pretty sure I bought a new pack of batteries not too long ago" he says and I sheepishly admit I used the last of them. 

"Oh okay well here, I can just finish this up on my laptop" he says while taking the batteries out and putting them in my hand, giving me the source of my pleasure for tonight. "T-thanks" I stutter and close my finger around them as if they would disappear if I let them go. "Is everything okay?" he asks and I nod my head while walking down the hallway, not knowing that he's hot on my heels. 

"What do you need the batteries for?" he asks as we're a few feet away from my door making me jump. "Didn't know I was behind you?" he chuckles and I glare at him, hoping that'll make him back off but it does the exact opposite, causing him to smirk and glance around my room and soon notices the rosebud that I stupidly left in the middle of my bed. 

"I was right" he smirks leaving me groaning and rolling my eyes as I storm into my room, not bothering to close the door since I know he's not going to leave me alone anytime soon. 

"What? You know I'm just teasing you. You're free to do as you please doll, I'm not gonna stop you. I was even nice and paused my movie so you can have your fun too" he says, leaning against my doorframe and since he's being shameless I will too, deciding to switch the batteries out and turn it on to check but unfortunately it does the same thing and dies less than thirty seconds after I turn it on.

"Shit" I curse under my breath and he stifles his laughter by covering his mouth. "Yeah yeah laugh it up. You're just lucky all you need is your right hand to get off. Can you just leave me alone?" I ask, laying back down on my bed, exacerbated and ready to call it a night since the odds have flipped again. My good luck for the night being Brian's quick departure. 

I don't pay attention to how high my robe has ridden and it seems as though one of my legs has slipped through the gap giving him a full view of my upper thigh and hip, one wrong move leaving me exposed to him. 

He gulps but I don't bother to notice and only do when he clears his throat. "What do you want?" I say, throwing my arm over my face trying to hide the shame that all of this has caused me but fail miserably. "Want some help?" he asks and I sit up right away at his words, "What?" I ask, my reaction as dramatic as if he had grown two heads. 

"Do you want some help? I can get you off real quick if you'd like? It'll be like one roomie helping the other" he offers as causally as if he had asked to borrow five bucks. "You're joking, right?" I scoff but it seems as he very well is not as he take a step into my room and he watches for signs for protest but I give him none. 

"Not really no. I'm simply offering to help a friend in need. That's what we are right? Friends?" he questions as he takes a step closer. 

He calls out my name when I've stayed silent for a while, not being able to take my eyes off him even if I tried. As long as he stays in this room he's got my attention. "R-right, friends" I respond and he takes a seat on my bed, a respectful distance away but it feels as if he was already on top of me. 

"But Brian-" "Doesn't need to know" he says, cutting me off and making it harder and harder for me to say no. He scoots closer to me and takes the rosebud out of my hands, unbothered by what it's used for and simply places it on the nightstand next to me. "It's your move" he says, leaning closer to me, his breath fanning my face and I look at his eyes, mine going back and forth before his look down at my lips. 

"Tell me to stop" he says, making things easier for me but when he's mere millimeters away I lean in. 

It's soft and sweet at first, our lips connecting and breaking a few times, still giving me an opening to pull away and say stop but after a few more kisses like that he deepens the kiss. While keeping our lips locked for longer he angles his head a bit more, his tongue now in my mouth and soon he beckons me to do the same and I do which gives him even more of a green light. 

He places his hand on my cheek and angles me just right before he switches up and presses down on my shoulder a little and leans in closer as a silent plea for me to lay down. 

I crawl back on the bed instead and he follow as I lay down on the pillows with him hovering over me. "Fuck been thinking about this view for a long time" he admits and before I can say anything in response his lips are already on mine again.

"Can I take this off?" he asks, toying with the tie that is seconds from coming undone of it's own accord. "Yeah" I say, adrenaline pumping through my veins at the thought of doing this, of cheating with my roommate who is someone I won't be able to run away from after this.

He pulls the belt and in one smooth motion it's undone.

The way he looks at me as he takes both sides of the robe off of my body is a sight that could make me cum untouched if given the chance. Watching his eyes darken up as they roam all over my body until he's tracing them back up to mine where it's as if a whole new man is hovering over me, one that looks so insatiable and ready to break me at any moment. 

"Fuck you're so pretty" he say, leaning back down to kiss me but soon trails his lips down my neck and to the valley between my breast. He settles on kissing one of them and slowly brings his lips closer to my nipple where he looks up at me for permission which I give right away. He smirks and puts his thumb and pointer fingers into his mouth making them wet. He places them on the opposite one twisting and toying with it before he places his mouth on the one in front of him. 

Once his lips make contact my fingers immediately lace through his hair, needing to ground myself with something and he hums around in in approval when I tug on it a bit. 

"You sensitive here doll?" he asks when he lets go of it, the cool air causing a chill when it hits my damp skin, him having made a mess of it from his clear desire to do this. I let out a whimper in response and he nips at it before switching to my other breast to give it the same time and attention he gave the first.

My hips start to buck up after a couple more seconds of him switching between my breasts and lips when he hears those pretty voices he had talked about before, wanting to taste them on his tongue this time. 

"Someone's eager" he says against my lips but I turn my face to the side leaving him kissing the column of my neck until I'm squirming about leaving him smiling against my skin. 

"Does my doll want more?" he asks and I whimper in response, not being able to bring myself to utter words of confirmation when I have a man like him already causing me so much pleasure, but it's not enough. 

I need more.

"Jungkook please" I breathe out, done with this teasing and so worked up already from not gaining release earlier. "Please what?" he asks trailing his lips back up to mine and kissing them one last time before pulling back and waiting for my answer. "Please help me cum" I plead, wanting what he had promised me earlier. 

He chuckles dryly and places a kiss on the corner or my mouth before responding. "Here I am taking my time with you but you still only want one thing. Don't you like it when I play with you like this?" he asks, trailing middle finger down my torso until he's come in contact with my clit, sliding further down past it and checking to see what my true physical reactions have been to his ministrations. 

"Seems like you do" he says, circling around my entrance with that same finger when he feels how wet I am. "This all for me?" he asks and close my eyes once he's dipped one of his fingers in while using his thumb to draw circles around my clit but once my breathing picks up a bit everything stops. 

"What?" I pant, confused as to why he would stop. "I asked you a question. Is this all for me y/n?" he rasps, looking down at where his fingers had once been and cursing when he notices how wet they are. "Y-yes, all for you" I choke out and he leans in as if he was going to kiss me but stops before I can even brush my lips against his. 

"Can you say my name princess?" he whispers, posed as a question but we both know the only way this continues is if I comply. "Jungkook" I whisper out, his name now tasting different on my tongue. It's almost if I have to put more effort into pronouncing each letter, my throat suddenly running dry. 

"Louder doll. It's the least you can do to help me forget how you've moaned his name in here time and time again. Probably another sad excuse of an act to fake your high" he says, going back to playing with my center, his finger going in and out at a faster rate now before easing his way into putting in a second one. 

"Fuck Jungkook" I groan, this time a little louder than before that grants me a kiss on my neck, his motives to stay away from my lips being to hear all of my reactions to what he's doing to me. Wanting to discover new sounds and reactions that sound more genuine and are ones that I can't even hope to hold back with the pleasure he's giving me.

"That's it, keep going. Want your voice to be the thing I remember most about this, hear it over and over again, ingrained in my memory. That way when I forget how you taste it'll be something that I'll still be able to come back to. Hearing how I make you feel, not yourself and definetly not your sorry excuse of a boyfriend, me. Let me hear how I make you feel" he rasps in my ear making me shiver and arch my back off the mattress. 

"Jungkook please, please" I beg, my ego gone, the only thoughts in my head being him and how incredible it'll feel once he's made me cum. "Just like that doll, scream my name if you need to, I don't mind" his calm cool and collected tone of voice driving me mad. How can he be whispering these things in my ear and taunting me like this while I'm a complete mess under him, barely being able to breathe let alone think straight. 

I pulse around his fingers and he can tell that I'm close when I let out a moan after he hits a certain spot, hitting it over and over again, knowing that that's going to be the thing that'll make me come undone. 

He leans back and looks down at me, his flushed cheeks and swollen lips make me insane, his calm and cool façade in my mind broken when I see the way he's watching me. Taking in every gasp, every moan, every whimper of his name and it makes him want to try even harder to get me to that high, needing to see what I look like when I cum.

"Just like that doll, you're doing so well, sound so pretty" he murmurs and with a few more words of encouragement I'm coming undone. When I try to look away he grabs my chin and makes me keep eye contact, making everything seem even more intense. 

Once the rising and falling of my chest has slowed down and his playful fingers inside me gain him whines of overstimulation he finally takes them out. 

I expect him to get up and wash his hands but instead places them in his mouth, moaning once my taste hits his tongue leaving me swallowing dryly, needing that glass of water now. 

"Open your mouth" he says after he takes his fingers out and I comply curiously, doing as he asks and the next moment I feel him spitting in my mouth before smashing his lips on mine one last time. 

After kissing me senseless and exhaustion flooding my system my kisses become sloppy and he laughs against my lips before finally pulling back. "Where are you going?" I ask and he laughs again at my groggy state. “I'm going to go get a towel to clean you up" he says and I sit up quickly, my mind slowly clearing up. 

"Wait, what about you?" I ask, taking note of the tent in his pants but he simply chuckles and brings back a warm towel just like he said.

I had expected the same treatment Brian gave me today but when I try to reach for it he pulls back. "No you lay down, you're still out of it" he says, trying to be serious but also satisfied that he only had to use his fingers put me in this state. 

After he finishes cleaning me up he gets up and throws the towel in the laundry basket and comes back to sit on the bed next to me, cupping my face and studying my features. "You okay?" he asks, clearly sensing regret already. 

"Yeah I'm fine. I just never thought I would do something like this" I admit and he mouths a quiet 'Oh' and takes his hand off me but I grab it before he can get too far. "I'm sorry I'm just confused and clearly not thinking straight" I say, trying to backtrack knowing that I've hurt him by saying that. 

"Thank you for doing this for me" I say timidly and he laughs. "What?" I ask, clearly not understanding what about this situation is funny. 

"I'm sorry" he says, his laughing soon dying down and I wait in silence until he's finally composed himself. "I'm sorry it's just that it’s not everyday that your hot roommate thanks you for finger fucking them" he chuckles and my cheeks heat up, thoroughly embarrassed now that he's put it like that.

I reach behind me and grab a pillow and throw it at his face which makes him laugh even more. "Jungkook stop this isn't funny" I whine and he stops a couple minutes later. "Alright alright I'm sorry, you were just getting way too serious about it" he explains and wipes away a fake tear. 

"This is serious! I just cheated on my boyfriend with you" I exclaim and he shakes his head, placing the pillow I threw at him out of my reach and sighs before responding. "You and I both know that you've been ready to end that relationship for a while now" he says and I open my mouth but the words die in my throat.

"That's what I thought" he says and we sit there in silence for a moment while I pull the sheet over me. "Just break up with him already, I can clearly see that you're miserable" he points out and I hate that he's right. 

"Why do you care? Should I break up with him so I can mess around with you?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders. "We can do that if you want to, but from a friend's point of view I think your life is so much better without him" he says and I sigh, knowing again that he's right, telling me the things that I've thought about over and over again but just never did anything about. 

"I'll talk to him" I say and he nods his head. "Good because with the number I did on your neck he's definetly gonna know that something went down" he laughs and my eyes go wide, forgetting to tell him to not leave any marks but I know I'm fucked. 

"Here" he says, grabbing the hand mirror I have on my dresser and I know from one glance that hoodies and turtlenecks will be my new signature look until this all clears up.

"Jungkook" I growl and he giggles, never taking my scolding tone seriously. "What? Don't act like you didn't like it" he chuckles and I sit up, grabbing that pillow and throwing it at him again. "I hate you" I huff but he laughs again before placing a knee on my bed and making it dip under his weight. 

My breath hitches as he inches closer and I can't do anything but lay down, slowly trying to run away from his lips in my mind but falling back into that same position we had been in for who knows how long.

Once I'm flat on my back and he's hovering over me again I swallow as best as I can, making him let out a dry chuckle. "Wanna run that one by me again doll?" he asks, cocking a brow at me and I press my thighs together, hating myself for doing it but needing some sort of something to keep me sane but it's of no use.

He leans in closer and I hold my breath, not knowing what he's doing or where this is going but when I close my eyes I’m granted with that same chuckle again. 

"Goodnight princess" he says against my lips, his weight gone off my bed seconds later leaving me sitting up in process. "Wha-" "My pretty doll needs to figure out who she wants to play with if she wants more" he taunts and I cross my arms and pout a little, hoping that'll get him to come back. 

"Aw don't be like that. After all the work I put in to help you feel good. I thought you would've been more grateful, not greedy" he taunts and I roll my eye before uttering a quiet 'Goodnight'. "Thanks for giving me material to help me fix this" he says, looking down at the very clear outline of his hard on and I swallow again, intimidated from finally being able to see his full size. 

"I promise, if you make up your mind...I'll make it fit" he teases and winks at me granting him a scowl in response. He grabs the door handle at the same time I grab the pillow and throw it which he blocks by closing the door. "Goodnight doll" he says one last time and shuts it behind him. 

I spend the rest of my night willing myself to sleep and when I finally start to doze off I start hearing Jungkook's soft moans and grunts leaving me wide awake again. Now I really know he wasn't lying...

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @coralmusicblaze @whoa-jo @00frenchfries00 @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater @hehurst23 @ye0nvibezzn @olimpiiaa @hrtsj1m @bangtans-momma Rest of the tags continued in the reblogs 💜

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Post war/coma comic about Gai struggling with his recovery

Since tumblr hates long form comics, I have to split this into 2 bc its 36 images. This is the first part, part 2 i'll either do as a reblog or a separate post right after this, stay tuned! Links to support me in pinned post <3

tw: s*icidal thoughts, injury, a little blood

Bisuke: Gai's Back!

Gai: GRAAH!

Kks: Im home Gai: Welcome back Kks: [wheels rolling] Hey,

Kks: Ga-!? Gai: Im fine. The tile is cool on my face. Kks: Wanna go lay down in bed? Gai: I am so /sick/ of lying down. Kks: Ok. What do you want for supper?

Gai: You're not going to comment? Kks: I already know what happened. You overdid it again. I should be able to keep up with chores, kakashi. Kks: You can. Just don' bull through it all in one go. Do you want to end up in the hospital again? Gai: Please don't. Kks: I know sitting still is hard for you, and "too much" is in your DNA, but you have to take this slow so you don't exacerbate your injuries, Gai. You went from hyper-aware to pretending your body limits dont exist. Gai: Like you haven't done the same.

Gai: You've proved your point. Kks: It's not about that. And you've dragged me to bed and out of bed repeatedly when I needed it. You were burning alive from the inside. Tsunade told you your immune system is out of whack. You need to take it easy. /I/ know you're capable, but are you trying to prove to /yourself/ you are? Gai: You want me to admit my embarrassment? Kks: If something serioud happens, You'll be even more embarrassed then

Gai: How could you possibly know how I FEEL?! How could you EVER KNOW HOW I FEEL?! Kks: I DON'T! But I've /been/ the one ouking and sobbing on your bathroom floor because I couldn't take living anymore! And I don't want that for YOU!

Kks: I'm sorry, Gai. Gai: I'm sorry

Kks: I can't stand knowing you're in pain, and I can't get you help. If there was a way, I'd do anything. Gai: You do so much to help me already.... And I yelled at you Kks: I've screamed at you so much, that was pretty tame. I wish I was like you with things like this. Not great with what to say...... But I can listen.

Gai: I hate feeling so weak. I'm tired all the time, in constant pain, I can't even walk-..... I can tell tenten and the boys worry despite my efforts to appear positive. Kks: They're just not sure how to react. They know you hate being babied, but don't want to push you into hurting yourself. You hate being told you can't do something. They love you. You get stronger everyday, everyone is cheering you on.

Gai: I know it's irrational, but... I feel like you gave up the Hokage position to take care of me. Kks: Haa!? I'm grateful if anything. I'd be retired too if I could. That'd be amazing. I'm dreading just helping Tsunade but as long as you're by my side, I'll be fine. We're still equals, rivals, friends, partners

Gai: Even if I can't- Kks: /Always/ wil be, dickhead. Gai: You worry about me hurting myself? Kks: I know you think about it

Kks: We're the same in that regard Gai: I would never act on this, please believe me, these thoughts are rare........... Kks: It's ok, Gai. Gai: Sometimes I think i should have just died. I feel so out of place on the streets I used to feel so at home at. I never asked to live. I didn't plan to. I just don't know how to-...

Kks: I understand that. Though, dying didn't feel any better. Gai: I know I didn't fully pass like you did. I didn't see papa. Just for a moment, I wish I could have seen him.

Kks: As much as I'm sure he wants to see you again, It's too soon. Dai'd slap the shit out of you for wanting to waste your youth just to see him. Gai: [chuckle] probably. Kks: I have those thoughts less and less now, but they're still there. "why am I the one who survives?" "Burden" "Gai will come to his senses eventually"

Gai: FALSE!! None of my grief is with you! I love living here with you! My love for you only burns hotter each day! You're so lovely inside and out! Kks: Maa What did I do to deserve such praise from teh mouth of the hottest man in Konoha?? Gai: YOU STILL THINK I'M HOT?! Kks: YOU-! [CACKLE]

Kks: Your bad taste is the only reason I had a chance before someone snatched you up. Gai: The worst. Kks: Thought we'd irritate eachother, but it's been pretty smooth. Even though you still get played by the dogs. Gai: You really wanna throw those stones?

Gai: They play you just as easily. don't lie. Kks: My point is, whatever you need from me, you have it. No questions asked. Even if you yell and scream, i can take it. You held me together when I was unraveling, and I'll never forget it. Didn't trust anyone else to see me like that. Broken

Gai: I never saw you as that. Kks: I'll never see you as that

[slayfics]

Katsuki gets caught being sweet to you.

You started to finally catch your breath being at the top of the hiking trail Katsuki had dragged you out too.

"Alright there, it's just us up here so tell me already. What the hell has been going on?"

"That's why you brought me out here?" You asked.

"Just tell me already, stop being so damn stubborn." He pried you impatiently.

"I told you I'm fine Bakugo, just busy like everyone else." You replied.

"Don't give me that shit. Do you think I'm stupid? The other extras are too dense to notice but I can see how exhausted you've been this whole week. So just tell me- what's going on," He said.

"You didn't need to drag me out here on a hike in freezing weather to do this, you know," You said, slightly irritated at Katsuki continuing to push you.

"Ugh- will you stop stalling and talk already," He yelled, causing you to let out an annoyed sigh. Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the view, his demeanor softening slightly. "You can talk to me, you know," he added, his voice lower and kinder than before.

You stayed looking at the view for a few more moments trying to figure out how to unpack everything that had been stressing you out. It wasn't like some big thing, but a summation of a bunch of little things that were beginning to become too challenging to manage.

A cold breeze blew by causing you to shiver. You wondered why Katsuki had insisted on bringing you up this mountain to talk to you. He could have pestered you in your dorm where it was warm.

Katsuki stole glances at you occasionally then focused back on the view not wanting to intimidate you too much from his glare. Hiking always helped him to clear his mind and gather his thoughts when they seemed too loud. He thought maybe it would help you too, and being away from all your classmates might make it easier for you to talk to him. At the very least it made it easier for Katsuki to be more vulnerable with you. He found it too daunting to express himself fully with all the attention of his classmates around. It was much easier being only in your company.

You took a deep breath, "I guess- it's just been hard to balance everything recently," You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Katsuki made it easy to open up to, as he had no problem sitting in silence for long extended periods. Others in your life felt the need to fill that silence with useless chatter which always prevented you from sitting in your emotions and being able to formulate them into words.

You took in another breath feeling a lump in your throat form. You hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about what was going on for fear of opening up the flood of emotions and not being able to stop. Now here it was. You didn't want to cry on this fucking hill.

Katsuki patiently waited while you gathered your thoughts.

"It's just been so much and I've been barely keeping up. It's- been getting to me recently. I've been forgetting things I shouldn't. Being unusually upset at things that aren't that big of a deal- and I just- it's dumb." You cut yourself off afraid to say anymore.

"It's not dumb. Don't hold that shit in, it's not healthy," He said encouraging you to keep talking.

You sighed, "I just... know that it could be way worse, and I've been through way worse so- I feel so irritated at myself. What I'm going through now isn't something I can't handle. I know that. So why do I feel so fucking exhausted with everything," You replied wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

"Hmm," Katsuki grunted, processing what you said. "You know, it's ok to be tired, and- to not be perfect. You can't just deny yourself from feeling overwhelmed because it could be worse. If you're exhausted now then those feelings are real- and it's ok to have them," He spoke.

You looked down at the view watching the distant cars pass, "Thanks," You managed to say taking another deep breath.

"You shouldn't wait to handle them until they explode either. Trust me, I know what that's like," He said, causing you to let out a small giggle. "You're too damn hard on yourself you know that?"

You let out a full laugh, "Oh that's pretty good coming from you. You're the pro at having too high expectations for yourself," you laughed.

You and Katsuki were wrapped up in your conversation causing you not to notice approaching classmates in the distance. Mina and Eijiro had also decided to come up the hill after class and spotted both of you in the distance.

"That looks like we shouldn't interrupt," Eijiro said.

"Yeah," Mina agreed. "But maybe... we could get a little closer to make sure everything is ok?" She said, pulling Eijiro into the bushes to spy on you and Katsuki. Eijiro was highly against the plan but was unable to protest for fear of you two hearing.

"Yeah I know I have high expectations for myself... that's why I know what it fucking looks like when you're being too hard on yourself. So- tonight I'm coming to your dorm and, I'm making sure you get to bed at a reasonable fucking time."

Mina's eyes widened as she looked at Eijiro, "Coming to their dorm?!" She whispered, and Eijrio covered her mouth, silencing her.

"You mean Grandpa time at 9 p.m.?"

"Shut up! 9 p.m. is late as hell! You damn idiots just don't know how to have a good sleep schedule! Look I'm making sure you get some sleep and tomorrow I'm taking you out. So- figure out where you want to eat, I don't care where. And I'm not letting you say no you need a break," Katsuki replied.

"You don't have to do that Bakugo."

"Of course, I don't have to but, I want to. So just shut up and let me take care of you ok. You better not be afraid to order enough food this time either! I'm buying so- just get whatever you want, alright?"

"Ok ok," You laughed, feeling your mood brighten.

"Next time, just tell me when you're having a bad day or something. Stop making me drag it out of you. I- worry about you, you know? Now let's go back to the dorms. I see you shivering," He said, beginning to walk back down the hill.

Mina squirmed again under Eijiro's hand, keeping her silent. Her eyes said it all. She was in disbelief at Katsuki's words.

"Here," Katsuki said, holding his hand out and offering it to you. "I'll warm your hand with my quirk," he said.

You grabbed his hand interlacing your fingers with his.

"Don't dare say anything about how sweaty my hands are!" He barked.

You giggled, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care Bakugo. It's part of your quirk, and your quirk is amazing you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. Besides, I'm always happy to hold your hand," You said as you two walked down the mountain.

"Tch whatever," Katsuki grumbled looking away from you as a small tint grew on his cheeks.

Finally, when you and Katsuki were far enough down the hill, Eijiro released Mina.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Mina exclaimed.

"Shh shhh," Eijiro pleaded.

"WHAT- He wants to take care of them?!? OH MY GOD! They are totally dating right?! That's what he said he's taking them out to eat! And he's sneaking into their dorm! Wait wait- when they held hands it sounded like that had before! AND AND BAKUGO WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING! NO WAY!" Mina said looking like she might pass out from all this information.

"Ashido relax, we shouldn't have heard any of that!" Eijiro replied.

"Yeah but but-" Mina exclaimed, her head spinning. "Who knew Baklugo could actually be so sweet! I can't wait to tell Jiro-" She said, pulling out her phone.

"NO!" Eijiro said, grabbing her phone from her. "Uh- sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh but- you can't tell anyone what we heard ok?" Eijiro said.

"WHAT?! I just heard Bakugo being the sweetest boyfriend ever and you expect me not to say anything about that?!"

"YES!" Eijiro yelled. "Look they both like their privacy and there is a reason they were all the way up here talking, Ashido. I think we should keep this a secret and let them do things at their own pace ok?" He said, handing Mina back her phone.

"UGH-" She exclaimed letting out a big sigh. "I guess you're right... but wow who would have thought Bakugo could be a decent person much less a good boyfriend." She said.

Eijiro just shrugged at her words, "I don't know he's not a bad guy like you all make him out to be you know."

"Wait! You totally already knew didn't you!" Mina said, slapping Eijiro's shoulder.

"Hey! I mean- Bakugo is my best friend you know, so yeah I did..." He answered truthfully.

"You suck! Keeping secrets like that from me!" Mina said playfully, waving a finger at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's their business you know?" He said.

"Yeah I understand, guess we should go back to the dorms too now," Mina suggested.

"Yeah it is pretty cold up here, let's go." He agreed as they both started to walk down the hill. "I don't have Bakugo's quirk or anything but- if you're cold you can hold my hand too if you want," Eijiro suggested.

Mina's face tinted a darker pink as she reached out and grabbed Eijiro's hand.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries

Picture taken from @everypanelofkatsuki, thank you for all your hard work! Go check them out if you haven’t!

[immortalityriver]

can you please write how aged!up genya would act if reader was pregnant?

i looove these kinds of scenarios. anon didn't leave specifics so I'll make headcanons with scenarios described as small fanfics.

Aged!up (20) genya x pregnant gn!reader

Au: original/timeskip

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

he does his damnedest to make sure you're comfortable. he couldn't imagine having to carry a child for 9 months, much less give birth to one.

He's your shadow. Would you like to do laundry? he's helping you hang everything up on the line. dishes? he's already done them. Did you forget to grab something at the market? he'll be back in an hour.

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

you huffed, holding the clothing basket against yourself as you waddled out to the backyard to hang everything out to dry.

currently, you were at about 8 months. pretty far along in your pregnancy, even simple things became tedious, including chores.

you caught his eye.

"..hey! Let me help out with that!" and suddenly he's on his feet rushing after you.

"..Genya it's fine. I can do it myself." you chimed as you looked up at him as he took the basket from your hold.

"I know... but it's the least I can do. I let you do the dishes by yourself last time so you gotta let me help out now, right?" he looked at you with a softened gaze, already going to hang the clothes.

you knew he wouldn't take no for an answer, so you shook your head and joined him ".. Right. thank you, genya."

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

when you're near your due date, he begins to wonder more about the gender, names, sometimes he'd pass shops and he couldn't help but get a few things.

you discourage it, since you're both unsure about the gender. but you really can't stop him, it's sweet he's so involved.

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

"y/n!" his voice echoes through the home, and you drag yourself out of bed to go meet him

thats when you caught eye of the bag he was holding.

"..okay.. what'd you impulsively buy this time?" you smiled up at him, stifling a sigh, he really couldnt just wait until the baby was born?

"take a look." he held the bag outward, a big goofy lopsided smile on his face

you took the bag and peeked, finding a few toys, a stuffed animal and some clothes.

genya looked rather proud of himself, and you had to admit everything he picked out was adorable.

".. it's great, darling.. but do you have to bring back baby stuff every time you go out?"

".. it's not like i look for it or anything.. i swear it looks for me!" he raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes, pointing to himself

you shook your head "..uh-huh.. so baby clothes can get up and walk now?"

"totally."

"..did you even get what i sent you out for?"

"..." he stared at you, looking at the bag in your hand, then down at his own, where the other bag should've been.

"..shit!"

"..genya.."

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

and lastly, he's a generally affectionate guy. but when you're pregnant? he can't keep his hands off of you for even a second.

throughout the day it's constant kisses and hugs, and when bedtime rolls around he's stuck to you like he's a moth and you're a porch light.

┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄☼┄

you could practically feel him seeping into your pores. with the way his arms wrapped around you.

"..genya, it's too warm for this.." you muttered, sticking your legs out from under the blanket to get at least some relief

"..nonsense.." he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, giving you a slight squeeze. his warm breath fanning against your skin didn't help at all.

"..genyaaaa..!"

"sh. go to bed."

"don't shush me.. i'm carrying your child." you retorted, now it was just playful banter.

"pft.."

you could feel his smile growing against your neck, to which you rolled your eyes at.

"i can hardly sleep with you smothered against me anyways. can't you scoot at least a little?"

he turned you over to face him, backing a little to make room for your very swollen belly.

"what, you don't love me anymore?"

"nope. not at all. that's absolutely what it is."

he sighed at your sarcasm, leaning into you and giving you a short peck on the lips.

"..i love you."

"I love you too, genya. goodnight."

``end

[softspeirs]

May I request for the taking care of a tired lover prompt,  Blakely x Marie + ²⁾ “you’re going to bed, even if i have to carry you there myself.”?

A/N: Love this so much. Ev Blakely, your soft spot is showing! This is the first thing I've written in weeks and I felt I struggled with it a lot, so please let me know what you think of it! Thanks to @mercurygray for helping me out with the plot!

The music is loud in the pub tonight, and Ev Blakely is fighting off a pounding headache. He has been working 12 to 13 hour days for the last week, and he wants to go bed, but instead he's been dragged here, his friends insistent that he have a drink and try to relax.

Fat chance of that.

He knows he's being sour. He's not good company, and he doesn't miss the way Dougie is looking around, searching for anyone who's more willing to carry on a conversation.

Loud, female laughter from the other side of the pub grabs his attention, and he watches, amused, as Helen and a few of the other Red Cross ladies try to convince a girl he doesn't recognize to go dance with them.

His gaze is drawn to Fernandez, nearby. She's smiling, but it's tired, and he frowns at the circles under her eyes.

He's been seeing it in too many of his friends, and he's sure he looks much the same. Still, he doesn't like it.

"Are you listening to me?" Dougie elbows him.

"Yeah, yeah." Ev says, turning to his friend. "Just-- noticing that no one really seems in a party mood."

Douglass shrugs, taking another sip of his drink. "Because no one around here has gotten more than a few hours of sleep in a week."

The invasion is looming and they all know it. It's been nothing but planning and planning and more planning, and in the middle of it, they're still flying raids like there's nothing more imminent coming.

Underneath it all is the undercurrent, their missing friends, who they all think about but no one talks about. They don't say their names, they don't leave a spot for them in the bunks, and they don't talk about the months-old letters that finally showed up a few weeks ago.

At least they know they're alive. Doesn't do anything to help morale though, especially not when forts are still going down every day.

He can't even remember the name of the kid who introduced himself this morning and went down in the afternoon. It makes him feel sick.

"You need a drink, and then you need to sleep." Dougie says with finality. "Be right back." He stands, headed towards the bar.

Ev taps a rhythm on the table, and his attention is drawn across the room again at a loud cheer and more laughter. This time, he sees Marie on her feet, drink in hand, a little unsteady on her feet. Her usually perfectly coiffed hair is a little loose and untidy, and something about the distant look in her eyes puts him on edge.

It's none of your business, he tells himself. But then there's some guy there. Some guy is there and leaning into her space, and he either can't see the way she leans far in the other direction, or he doesn't give a shit, and he Ev can't really stand it anymore.

He doesn't want to be here anyway, so he might as well use this as an excuse to get gone, even if it's going to get him yelled at.

His feet are moving before he can think too hard about it, and then he's there, inserting himself. "Steady on, Fernandez," he says quietly, getting her attention. "You all right?"

Her eyes narrow at him. He thinks it's just instinct at this point.

"Fine. Long day. You, Major?"

"Going to call it a night. Might want to think about doing the same, yeah?"

She makes a face. "I just got another drink!" She protests. "From my new friend--" She looks up at the other man, eyebrows furrowing.

"Carmichael." He supplies. "Tom Carmichael."

"Tom." She parrots, and Ev tightens his jaw.

"Uh huh. Look, when's the last time you got any sleep, huh? I'm headed that way with Dougie, we'll walk you--"

"Do you remember that you're not the boss of me?" She asks primly.

Christ. "Yes. You made it really crystal clear."

"Good. So leave me alone, and I'll decide when it's time for me to go to bed."

He knows it's not his place, and he truly doesn't want to overstep. Now that he works more closely with her, he's tired of the constant bickering, but something just doesn't sit right with him, leaving her here like this. It's out of character for her to be in her cups, and even though she deserves it, he doesn't like it.

"Maybe you should listen to Major Blakely, Marie?" Tatty asks quietly from beside her. "It's been a long day."

Marie watches her friend and her face softens, just a fraction. It changes her so completely, Ev is almost taken aback by it. He’s only seen glimpses of her like this.

It makes something protective rise up in him again when he sees Tom lean in.

“We’ll finish our drinks and I’ll see her back.” He says with a tone of finality.

It’s not Ev’s place. It’s not, and so he holds up his hands. “Alright. Not a hair out of place, Carmichael.” His tone is genial, but he means it.

He meets Douglass back at their table. He accepts the beer handed his way and takes a long swig, trying to ignore the feeling that’s taken residence in his gut.

.

An hour later and he can barely keep his eyes open. The band is still going, but the crowd is petering out, and he’s on his feet ready to head to bed.

He’s halfway out the door when he sees her and stops in his tracks.

Marie is alone at the table, an empty glass in front of her. Her chin is in her hands and she looks half asleep. She’s watching the few couples still on the dance floor with a tiny smile and he can’t help but walk over to her table, taking a seat to her left.

“Good night?”

She blinks at him. “Yeah. It was all right.”

“Time to go, Fernandez. You’re running yourself ragged.” His voice is serious, hoarse with exhaustion.

“Speak for yourself,” she says with a raised eyebrow. Her words are slow from drink and the glassy look in her eyes makes his stomach clench.

“You’re going to bed if I have to carry you there myself, Marie.” He says quietly. “You deserve a break.”

She sighs. The fight leaves her. “Fine. Walk me? You can hold this.” She shoves her purse in his direction and then she’s on her feet before he can protest.

The night air is blessedly cool when they emerge, a low fog dragging itself across the fields and runways. She stops, eyes closing for a second. “It’s almost beautiful like this.” She says.

He hums. “You know what else is beautiful?”

She turns to him, surprised, a blush working its way across her cheeks.

“My bed.” He says firmly. “Those cotton sheets, my shitty, flat pillow…” He laughs at the look on her face, at the way she thought he was going to say something else.

And he could have - he could have made it obvious that he was watching her admire the sight before them instead of taking it in himself, he could have told her that he’s noticing more and more about her lately and that she’s never lovelier than when she’s yelling at him.

But he won’t. Because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and he won’t do that to her. Or to himself.

“I’ll remember that, Major.” She says, walking ahead of him.

He catches up to her, slinging one arm around her shoulders, her exasperated sigh and his chuckles following them all the way back to her billet.

[veren-cos]

Why Can't it be me?

Sebastian x reader who fell for Sam

Sebastian's Pov

Part 2 Part 3

Why couldn't it have been me? I've seen every step of you falling for him. I've been there the whole time. And yet I can't help but think, why not me?

Every single time I look at you I am captivated. In awe. How can one person be so extraordinary? You took my heart the moment we met. And yet...

It was 4 seasons ago.

"Hey Abigail? Do you think I should let him beat me?" I was playing pool when we first met. How I wish I could go back and try again.

"Nah, that wouldn't be any fun!" She looked up from her phone. "Oh hey, farmer!"

'Farmer?' I thought. When I finally saw who Abby was talking about, you were already next to me.

"Hey! Sebastian, right? You're like the only person I hadn't met yet. I'm the new farmer." And you smiled. Your smile shown so brightly it beamed through my gloomy head. You shook my hand. "It's nice to meet you!"

"Ah, finally met my buddy, yeah? He's stuck in his room all day so I guess you wouldn't have seen him yet. We come here every Friday! You should come join us sometime." Yhe two of you were already friends. And I could tell Sam was enamoured with you. I don't blame him.

And you did join us. Every Friday, you'd come play pool. Or if you had a rough day in the mines, you shit talk me and Sam with Abigail. You always teased Sam a little more though. I didn't notice for a while, but you seemed different with him. You put on a front.

Sometimes when I went to Abigail's, I could hear you and her practically squealing. I should have figured it was about Sam. At one point, I thought it was about me. I dont know how I convinced myself that.

Sam is just so perfect. He is outgoing. He is kind. Sam is social, and good looking. Of course you would like him over me. You two are perfect for each other. I could never come in between it. There was never space for me in the beginning.

I see the way you look at him. Stealing glances when he isn't watching. You have this dumb smile on your face. The dumb smile I wish was reserved just for me.

But now as I walk down to the beach, you are holding his hand. You look so happy. And you know he likes you back. His smile is even dumber than yours.

I see him grab your waist. I watch him lean in.

And he kisses you.

My best friend is kissing the person I fell in love with. He pulls you closer, running his fingers through your hair. You leaned back. You swing your arms around his shoulders.

And i still cant help but think, why cant it be me. Why can't it be me! It's terrible. I should be happy for him. I should be happy for you. Why cant I be happy for you?

I pretend I don't see it. That's what I'll do. I will keep walking. I won't cry. I'll keep walking, not crying. Yes. I am completely okay with this.

I made it to the beach by the time I get control of my breathing. But then I hear something.

"Hey sebastian!!" And you smile at me. Like it isn't breaking my heart.

"Hey, farmer." I look down at the ground. Why did you come out here?

"Awh man, whats up? You know, i was just talking to Sam. Would you want to hang out with us? Maybe play some pool? We haven't actually hung out the three of us in a while.." You offer your hand out to me.

"I'm good." I practically swat your hand away. "I bet you'd absolutely love it for it to just be you and Sam, arent i right?" I drag the words out. All the hurt is leaking into to them. "Because you just absolutely love him. Don't you?"

"I do like Sam, but-"

I shout, "what kind of 'but' is there?! You don't like me. I get it. But I'm in love with you, farmer. I can't help it." I can't do this today. Not anymore. Not after I saw you kiss him.

I walk away but you come after me.

"Sebastian hey!!" You reach for my shoulder, but I shrug you off. "Sebastian, come on! You aren't even listening to me."

"And why should I? Huh? Leave me alone farmer. I'll see you when I see you."

And I leave. I don't look back. Maybe I should have just moved out of this damn valley. Gotten into the city.

Anything could be better than this rotten life.

Masterlist

There may or may not be a part 2 coming to this 🤭 (unsure as to when, and no promises)

Is it bad I'm having fun writing this???? Lol

It was also super weird writing in this POV. I'm not sure if I'll keep it for the next part.

[izuqt]

i. midoriya

tw : 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘢𝘳, 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘩𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘣𝘩.

" 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐒𝐎 ��𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐘."

Cold.

It's cold.

No matter how many jackets I throw over my body, no matter how many blankets I bury myself underneath, it's still cold.

Ever since the war ended, i've felt cold. The frigid feeling of inadequacy closing in on me like walls of a cramped, claustrophobic room. I feel incomplete, unfulfilled. Everything's over, I saved Tenko, didn't I?

Why do I feel there was still more I could've done? I felt useless in that moment, the split second he was staring at me with a smile. I should've done more. I could've done more. I'm not that useless kid I used to be anymore, I could have crawled deeper through the complicated vehemences of his heart.

But I didn't.

I can't sleep at all, I'm too buried inside of my thoughts to do that. It's all a never ending loop. A loop that feels like it's tearing you apart.

It eats at me. Grabs me by the throat and squeezes me, depriving me of any air I otherwise would've had. It feels like I'm sinking into my bed, like it's swallowing me whole, dragging me down into a never-ending void.

Then I hear my alarm clock. The irritating, deafening sound that's forced me to wake up everyday for a year.

BEEP.

I gasp for air, panting loudly. My head is aching with pain.

BEEP.

it feels like i'm drowning in my thoughts, the lighthearted memories sealed by the thought of Tenko, the only man I failed to save.

BEEP.

Then, I finally wake up. Drenched with a cold sweat, my heart racing like I just ran a marathon. My head's killing me, my eyes are wet with tears. I'm a mess. I'm everything my mother feared I'd become.

I took a deep breath, desperately trying to calm myself down. Over and over like a broken record, I repeated the same thing to myself.

' you're okay. '

again.

' you're okay. '

again.

' you're oka– '

A brief knock on the door.

"Deku? Is everything alright?"

My head shot up, I recognized the voice almost immediately. I threw off my blanket, shivering at the frosty atmosphere of my room. Shakily getting out of bed, I walked over to the door, grabbing the doorknob.

My hands are too sweaty. I can't turn it. Fuck.

"Can you open up the door?"

Give me a fucking second, I'm trying.

I took another deep breath, wiping my tears and trying to look at least a little presentable. I grabbed the doorknob again, slowly turning it.

"..."

"Hi, Uraraka."

The words left my lips sloppily, my vision filling up with tiny little dots. I felt woozy.

"is everything okay?"

"yeah, yeah– shit, I just stood up too fast."

"you sure?"

"mhm."

I hummed, rubbing my eyes lazily. I blinked a few times, staring at the round-faced girl with a concerned expression on her face.

"you've been sleeping all day."

"i know."

"..."

"are you sure everything's okay?"

My eye twitched at her persistence. I know I shouldn't be getting upset, but fuck, I already told her I'm okay.

"yes, i'm okay."

I closed the door, shutting my eyes and taking yet another deep breath.

...

Tenko's face flashed in my mind. Seems I can't even blink without the thought of him fucking my mind over. I leaned against the door, a small pang of guilt attacking my heart as I heard retreating footsteps followed with a sigh.

I'm sorry.

I wish I weren't like this. I wish everything were okay again.

I wish things turned out differently.

...

Sometimes the scars I got from that war starts hurting. I can't help but brush my fingers over them, trying to soothe the pain.

I can't help thinking about Tenko, either. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, he lingers in my mind. Like a parasite, slowly eating away at your brain until you go insane. He was right in front of me. He was so close, but I still managed to fuck everything up.

...

"𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝗼 𝗺𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝗼 𝐬𝐚𝐲."

izuqt.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Family is who you choose (USWNT x Adhd Reader)

Continuation of Just tell them

This is a combination of these requests: One, two

I had a shit day at work so you guys get a fic! This was requested a while ago. Hope you enjoy!

4.7k words

So I had forgotten to take my medication again today. I hadn't been able to sleep until late and slept through my alarm. It left me in a rush to get ready which meant I forgot my meds. Once again it was too late by time I realised. I was already dreading the day, my mind would be all over the place, but maybe it would be slightly better now that the team knew. 

The first problem of the day was when I got told off by the coaches. I wasn't sure what I had done, all I had been doing was playing with a ball while I listened to them. It helped me actually focus on what they were saying. 

"Y/n laps now."

"What did I do?"

Ali put her hand on my arm, "Just do them."

I stepped back, feeling myself getting defensive, "I didn't do anything though."

"Y/n-"

My eyes stung as angry tears tried to escape. When sensory overload starts happening, I was more irritable and emotional. I was already overstimulated, so it wasn't a surprise at how annoyed I was getting. Especially when I was being punished for seemingly nothing. All it did was bring me back to my childhood, where I was constantly in trouble for things I couldn't help or didn't even do. I wasn't one to openly display emotions that weren't good so I shook Ali off and walked away, "Whatever."

The rest of practice, I did my best to listen to the coaches and spoke up when needed, but other then that, I ignored everyone. I was still upset, but I also just needed space so I wouldn't get distracted. I didn't need to get in anymore trouble. Once practice finished, I made it to the locker room before everyone else and instantly went to shower. 

Ali sat down on the bench in front of me as I was putting my things back in my bag. I tried to ignore her, but she pulled my bag away to get my attention, "What's wrong?"

I shrugged it off, grabbing my bag back, "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Ally said when you get quiet, you're likely either over stimulated or upset. We just want to help, talk to us."

Obviously, I wasn't getting out of this one so I took a deep breath to stop myself snapping and sat down next to her, "I'm both. My mind is a mess and I got in trouble for nothing."

"Y/n, you weren't listening, that's wh-"

"I was though! I could have told you pretty much everything he said. I'm not like you, I can't just sit still and listen. If I'm not doing something, my mind runs wild and I can't focus, I can't listen. No one bothered to listen to me though so yeah I'm a bit upset about it."

Ali sighed, pulling me into her side and kissing my temple, "I'm sorry Y/n, I shouldn't have made assumptions. We can talk to coach, explain that you need to be doing something, but you're still listening."

I felt a bit better that Ali actually listened instead of just dismissing me, "That would be good."

One of the girls started playing music, I ended up being dragged up to dance with them. I avoided being touched, that only increased my sensory overload, but I did sing loudly moving around the room without a care in the world. Despite having just finished practice, I had a lot of energy. 

Eventually, it was time to head back to the hotel, but before we could leave I blurted out, "I want to play on the swings. Can we go to the park?"

The girls looked at me for a second before Emily grinned, looking at veterans, "Yeah can we?"

A few of the other younger players all agreed, giving them the same pleading look that I was. After a few seconds, Ali sighed, "Of course you can."

I squealed, jumping up and down before jumping into Ali's arms, "Yes!"

Pretty much the entire team had come with me to the park. I was a bit surprised, they likely had better things to do than watch a 24 year old run around a park. Despite that, some of the younger girls played with me while everyone else watched, laughing and smiling. Besides Ally and maybe one other close friend, I had never had people who willingly went to the park with me and didn't judge me for it. Now they knew about my ADHD, had never judged me for it and were always supportive, I was starting to be more myself around them. It was still a work in progress, but I was getting there slowly. An hour and a bit later, the girls dragged me back to the hotel for dinner. 

It was team bonding night, normally I didn't mind it, I actually quite enjoyed it, but today I was dreading it. I had mostly been able to push through it today, to control the sensory overload, but everything was getting too overwhelming at the moment. I knew I wouldn't be able to sit through a movie or pay attention to any games they may want to play. Ali sat down next to me, hand going to my knee to stop it from bouncing, "We're going to watch a movie, I know you're probably a bit over stimulated so you can play Legos."

My head shot up at the mention of Lego, before confusion seeped in. I didn't have any Lego here, "Lego? What Lego?"

"Here. We got you this today." Alex pulled out a bag. There was a Doctor who Lego set which looked like the inside of a Tardis and there was a Jurassic world one that included a mansion and multiple different dinosaurs. It was two of my favourite shows/movies. I couldn't stop myself as I dropped the bag on the bed and jumped up and down clapping my hands. I was incredibly excited, the hardest part would be choosing which one to do first. 

"Thank you, thank you!! I'm so excited." I gave Alex a quick hug before pulling away and playing with my fingers suddenly a bit nervous. I wanted to hang out with them, but I also really wanted to call Ally. We hadn't talked much today and I missed her, "Um can I play with them in my room?"

I saw concern flash across the veterans faces before Ali stepped forward, "Of course you can Y/n. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's just a bit much at the moment. Sensory overload or whatever. I think I'm going to call Ally, she can always quieten my mind."

Emily looked confused as she spoke up, "But you seem so excited."

"I am about the Legos, they look like so much fun, but sometimes the hyper activeness can get overwhelming. It may look like fun, but I can't control it and it just gets too much and I-I-I-"

Ali quickly cut me off, "It's okay, is there anything we can do to help?"

"A hug? Maybe Tierna?" Ever since we met, Tierna always brought me comfort. She gave amazing hugs and I was always able to relax even if it was just a little bit. Tierna smiled, opening her arms for me to fall into. It helped me relax a little bit, but I wished it was Ally. Even just hearing her voice calmed my mind.

After a few seconds of hugging Tierna, I jumped back up, "I'm going to play with my Lego!"

"We'll check on you later."

I set up at the desk before quickly facetiming Ally. She answered instantly. As usual she was sitting on the floor with papers all around her. She always worked more when I was away because I wasn't there to distract her.

Hey baby

My mind slowed down, body relaxing as I heard her voice, Hi love

You okay?

I forgot my meds this morning, I was just getting overwhelmed. Oh guess what!

You love me?

So much, but look the team got me Legos!! I have a doctor who one and a Jurassic world one!

That's awesome baby, are you going to do those now? What one are you going to do first?

Um, I think maybe the doctor who one. I was thinking I could do this with you on the phone? Unless you'll get bored?

Of course we can stay on call, I'll never get bored of being able to just look up and see you.

Thank you, tell me about your day?

It was sameold same old, but I have a story to tell you

I zoned out completely, my focus on the Legos and Ally's voice. It was just as much fun as I expected it to be. I knew it would be hard to pull myself away from it now that I had started. I don't know how long had passed, but I looked up at my phone, freezing when I saw Ally wasn't wearing anything with water slowly dripping off her.

Whoa, when did you get naked?

Ally laughed, turning to look at me quickly, About 15 minutes ago when I told you I was having a shower. I'm quite surprised the sound didn't make you look up.

You are gorgeous baby, but I was very much invested in my Legos. I'm almost finished this one!

I know baby, I also know you would have looked up in a heartbeat if I said I was getting naked, but I wanted you to have fun with your Lego. It's looking very good.

You are absolutely correct. You do look incredible though Ally.

Thank you, you're not so bad yourself. I expect to be taken with you next time you shower. How have things been since the team found out about your ADHD?

They're protective, but they make sure I take my meds most of the time anyway, try to help when I get over stimulated and I can just be myself. We all went to the park today because I wanted to. They're starting to work out what it actually means for me and how to help without going to far. I guess I need to thank you, I know you gave them tips and tricks about it.

Do I get to say I told you so now? They care about you Y/n, they just want to help, I just want to help, it's one of the only ways I knew how when we're apart.

I'm not upset about it Ally. I appreciate it. I know they care and I'm starting to open up more. I'm still trying to get past the thoughts and feelings of my childhood, there's still a lot I hide from them.

And that's okay, you're getting there though, you are letting yourself be more open, more yourself and I'm so proud of you.

I wouldn't have done any of this without you.

All I did was help you along when you needed it.

Before I could reply, the door opened which made me scramble to grab my phone as Ally still wasn't wearing anything. Ashlyn, Ali and Alyssa walked in, giving me a suspicious look as I turned around to face them, still hiding my phone. They must have got the key from Tierna.

Ashlyn tried to look what was on my screen, but I quickly blocked her, "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

She scoffed, giving me a pointed look, "Well that's a lie."

"Is that Ash?"

Ashlyn gave me a confused look, almost tilting her head like a puppy, "Why are you hiding Ally?"

I cleared my throat, glancing at the screen quickly before looking back at them, "She uh, she's well naked."

"Naked? You're to young for stuff like that!"

"I'm 24!"

"You're innocent!"

"I'm far from innocent! Ask Ally."

"Gross."

I laughed, along with Ally before explaining, "She just had a shower."

"I'm dressed now."

The girls had grown to really like Ally and I knew she was going to be taken from me so I blew her a kiss, "Bye baby. I love you."

---

For some reason I was struggling a lot more this camp than I normally would. While taking my meds did help me focus most of the time, I was restless, I wasn't sleeping well, and I found myself getting more over stimulated and irritable because of it. The team had noticed and were trying their best to help. They would distract me when possible, giving me things to do such as colouring or something to do with my hands. They had learnt when I needed a tight hug or to be left alone, when I needed quiet and when music helped. It had taken then a while and they didn't always get it right, but they were trying. 

Today was a particularly hard day. I had slept really badly, I was overstimulated pretty much the minute I woke up. Normally a shower helped, but this morning it barely helped. Every little sound felt like it was enhanced, all the clothes I tried to put on except my sports bra, felt like little pins pressing against my skin and suffocating me. I didn't know how I was going to make it through breakfast. I just felt like I was going to cry at any second. Tierna watched as I tried shirt after shirt, each one feeling the same way. Eventually, Tierna took the shirt from my hand, "It's okay. You don't have to wear a shirt right now. Ali is going to bring you breakfast and we're just going to stay in the room for a while."

"T-thank you."

"Can I help in anyway?"

"Um, maybe a hug."

Tierna wrapped her arms around me tightly, my mind calmed down a bit as I relaxed against her. It wasn't enough to make everything stop, but it was enough that I didn't want to stop hugging her. Before she could pull away I quickly asked, "Please don't stop."

"Come here," Tierna said quietly, guiding me so I was lying down on the bed next to her, head on her chest as she held me tightly. I heard the facetime call tone before Tiernas phone was placed in front of me and Ally appeared. 

Hi my love 

Hi Al, aren't you at work?

I am, but I wanted to call and check in 

I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me when you should be working

Don't do that. You're having a bad day, I'm going to take a few minutes to make sure you're okay. What's going on baby?

Everything's just wrong today. I wish you were here. Tiernas great, but she's not you

I know baby, me too. I'm glad she's helping a little bit at least. Thank you T

We talked for a few more minutes before Ally had to go to a meeting and the other Ali arrived with breakfast. I didn't feel like completely falling apart anymore which was good, but it still wasn't great. Ali gave me a tight hug before leaving while Tierna turned to me, "Do you want me to stay?"

"It's okay. I think some time alone will be good."

"Okay. Text if you need me. Come down if you want to, but you don't have to."

"Thank you T."

I stayed in my room for most of the day except when I went on a short walk around the hotel gardens. The girls brought me lunch and stayed for a little bit to watch tv with me. They weren't their usual loud and chaotic selves which I appreciated more than they would ever know. I was much more relaxed by the end of the day and I was able to join them for dinner. I hadn't heard from Ally again which sucked because she always helped, but I knew she was busy today and I couldn't expect her to always be around to help me. When 8pm rolled around and I still hadn't heard from her, I started to get worried. It wasn't normal to not hear from her for this long. I knew she was likely just working or out with friends. Given my current state though I was starting to let the self doubt creep in. Maybe she had finally had enough of me. 

Ali sat down next to me as I was staring at my phone before it was taken from my hand, "You look like you're ready to murder your phone, what's wrong?"

It was stupid. I knew I was overreacting, I knew Ally would never do anything like what I was thinking. Today though, I couldn't stop it. So I told Ali everything. Ali wrapped her arm around my shoulder before flicking the side of my head, "Stop that. Stop even entertaining the idea. You know Ally would never do anything like what you're thinking. That girl loves you so much even a blind person could see it. You can always text her first, that's allowed."

"She's probably busy. I-I don't want to annoy her."

My temple was flicked again, "Stop that thinking. You don't annoy her when you text her. You don't annoy her full stop. So push that aside and text her."

Y/n: Hey love, I know you're busy, but I just wanted to tell you I love you and make sure you're okay. Look after yourself, don't forget to eat. Call me when you can.

"See, that was easy right?"

"Yes, you were right. Sorry for dumping all this on you."

"Never apologise for that. I'm always here for you."

Ally: Hey baby, I'm sorry I've been out of touch today, it's super busy here. I ate dinner, but I'm still at work. I don't think I'll be able to call again today, I'm exhausted and just planning on falling into bed when I get home, I'll message you before I go to bed. I love you 

Ally had sent a photo of herself sitting at her desk, eyes tired with a matching tired smile. I hated how tired she looked. I hated that I knew most of it was because she wasn't sleeping well without me, the same way I wasn't sleeping well without her, "She's still at work."

"See, I told you so."

---

I was deep in conversation with Lindsey when there was a tap on my shoulder and a squeaky voice coming from behind me, "Hey beautiful, can I get your number?

"No I ha-" I cut myself off as I flung around to find Ally standing there, wide smile forming. I squealed, jumping up and wrapping my legs around her waist, before connecting our lips in a lingering kiss, "Ally!"

"Hey baby."

"How are you here?"

"The girls flew me out."

Once I pulled away, I turned to find the team standing behind us. Tears sprung to my eyes as I looked between each of them, "You guys did this?"

Ali smiled softly, nodding in conformation, "You've been struggling the last little while. We tried to help you, but it wasn't working. We love you, we wanted you to be okay and we figured this was the best way to help. You're allowed to get your own hotel room while she's here as well. Save Tierna from your grossness."

"Thank you guys. I-I love you, all of you. This, this- thank you."

"You're welcome kiddo."

Tierna was in our room and mine and Ally's room wasn't ready yet so Ally and I had snuck off to the meal room to have some time away from the girls. Ally had an excited smile on her face, "Why do you look so excited?"

Ally pulled out a little box, smile growing wider, "I was going to give you this later, but I can't wait. I saw this and thought of you instantly. It's a promise ring, my promise to you that I will always be by your side, my promise that when the time is right, it will be replaced by an engagement ring. I also know you struggle with rings so I put it on a chain. You can decide how you wear it."

"I love you so much Ally, I love this. I really want to try wearing it, it'll just be an adjustment."

I knew I wanted to marry Ally, but I also knew that we weren't quite there yet. Not because we didn't love each other enough or anything, we just wanted to focus on our careers before making that move. "You know I'm going to marry you one day right?"

"I know and I can't wait to marry you Y/n, but I also know the timings not right yet. You're just starting your national career, I'm working on this promotion. It'll happen when the time is right. I have something else for you. It was supposed to be for our anniversary, but there were delays and it took way longer then planned."

Ally gave me a wrapped package, watching me as I carefully unwrapped it. It was a photo album. The first picture was of Ally on my back, matching grins on our faces as we looked at each other. We had only been together for a month or so when that photo was taken, yet it was one of my favourite pictures. There were many different photos from different stages of our relationship and with our friends and family. Beside each photo of us, Ally had written a little message. Like next to a photo we had taken during a beach picnic, Ally was looking at me with so much love in her eyes while I was looking out at the water. Next to it, she had written 'This was the day I knew I had fallen in love with you. The effort you put into surprising me, the way I knew I didn't want it to end, the way my heart raced and butterflies erupted when you looked at me, I knew without a doubt, that I was in love with you.'

Tears stung my eyes as I closed the album, pulling her into a tight hug. I loved her more than anything in this world.  

"I don't understand! How are you so fucking amazing, so god damn cute? You're so understanding and so loving it's not fair! God I love you so much, what did I do to deserve you? You just need to stop because I-" I ranted, much to Ally's amusement, but was cut off by Emily speaking up. I hadn't realised they had shown up.

"Woah, what's going on? Are you two fighting?"

Ally laughed, turning to the other girls, "Quite the opposite actually. Y/n here is apparently annoyed by how cute and loving I am."

"It's very hard to focus on anything other then you and it's not fair. Like how am I supposed to focus on anything other than marrying her when she goes and does shit like this?"

They looked confused at the book I was holding, "A photo album?"

"Look at it."

They flipped through the different photos of Ally and I, reading the little messages she had written, "This is cute."

"I know! And I love it! It's adorable and it makes me just fall for her even more."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's distracting! I'm supposed to be focusing on my career and all I can think about is running off to make her my wife. It's not fair."

Ally just laughed, arm wrapping around my waist and leaving a lingering kiss on my lips, "You are adorable Y/n. I love you."

"Yeah I love you too." 

"Has this happened before?"

"Yup, mostly when I do something cute. I find it hilarious."

I pulled her into my side, peppering kisses across the side of her face. Then I remembered the Lego I had sitting on the desk in my room. I pulled away quickly, practically jumping up and down with excitement, "Baby come see my Lego!"

Ally laughed as I dragged her away. Ali called from behind us just before we went out of ear shot, "I expect to see you at dinner Y/n."

I stopped in front of my desk, pointing at the nearly finished Tardis, "Look, look, look."

"This is awesome Y/n/n, is it almost finished?"

"Yes, I want to finish it so bad."

"You can work on it now if you want to."

"I really do, but I want to do this more," I pulled her close, connecting our lips in a soft kiss. I relaxed against her, hands slipping under her shirt as hers looped around my neck. Things got a bit heated as Ally's fingers buried in my hair and mine traveled up her back then trailed over her stomach. Ally moaned when my tongue met hers, pulling me impossibly close. I pushed her onto the bed, lips finding her neck as I fumbled with the button on her jeans. 

Just as Ally finished, my phone vibrated in my back pocket, making me pull away. 

Tierna: I gave you as much time as I could to do whatever it is you're doing, but I've been sent to get you. You have 2 minutes before I open the door. Please be decent. 

I laughed, showing Ally the message. She pecked my lips quickly before going to get cleaned up while I opened the door. Tierna was standing just down the hall, "Thank you T."

"Anytime Y/n."

---

I sighed cuddling further into Ally's side, feeling more relaxed than I had since I left for camp. Ally kissed my temple, "You okay baby?"

"You're here so I'm amazing. I missed you Al."

She held me tighter, fingers tracing patterns across my arm, "Me too Y/n. I missed you."

"I hate that I have to travel so much."

"It's part of your job, we make it work."

"I know that, I just wish you could come with me to more camps. Purely for my own selfish reasons of having you around all the time."

Ally rolled over onto her stomach so she was facing me, "You know, if I get this promotion then I'll be able to work from pretty much anywhere most of the time."

"Wait, really?"

"Yup. Which means I could potentially come to more camps with you, if you want to be around me that much that is."

"I fucking love you Ally. There's not a second that goes by that I don't want to be around you, that I don't crave being around you. Marry me Ally. I know we said that we should wait, but I don't want to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. This isn't how I planned it, I don't have a ring and it doesn't have to be now, but right now I want to call you my fiancé. So Ally, will you marry me?"

"Fuck yes, yes I'll marry you Y/n. I don't care about a ring or some elaborate proposal. We could get married in the court house tomorrow for all I care. As long as I get to spend my life with you."

---

I skipped into the meal room, feeling on top of the world and hyperactive, but mostly happy. It wasn't unexpected, I got to marry the girl I was absolutely in love with and I actually slept well for the first time since camp started. 

"Hello ladies," I sung before skipping over to Ally and pecking her lips, "Hello my beautiful fiancé." 

"Hi gorgeous, you're awfully happy this morning."

"Well can you blame me? I get to marry the most beautiful girl in the world, also I slept really well so you get to deal with that."

Ally groaned playfully, "Oh no, however will I cope? Let alone for the rest of our lives."

"Wait, you're engaged?!? I thought you were waiting?" Tobin asked loudly, gathering the attention of everyone in the room.

I couldn't help the wide smile that grew, "I couldn't wait any longer."

Ali hugged me tightly, placing a kiss to my forehead, "I'm so happy for you kid. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you Ali, I need your help," I whispered so no one else could hear. I needed to find the perfect ring for Ally, but I knew I would overthink it too much. I also knew the girls would turn it into something bigger then I needed it to be. 

"Anything."

"I need help finding a ring for Ally."

"Of course I'll help. We can sneak out this afternoon, just me and you."

"Thank you Ali."

Emily jumped on my back, "So when's the wedding?"

I pulled her off, taking the opportunity to pull her in for a noogie, "I don't know."

Ally separated us, barely containing her laugh, "We were thinking a court house wedding."

"No!"

"You have to have a wedding!"

As the girls talked about the wedding, I couldn't help feeling that I had found my family. I had found a group of people that didn't see me as my quirks, hyper activeness, overstimulation or problems. They saw me as me, they supported me for who I was. I had the love of my life and my family. I was truly loved by people I saw as family for maybe the first time in my life. I was happy.

[zero--sugar-bambi]

Rant low-key pathetic loser shit

Somedays I feel like he's a snake and he's bitten me and instead of getting away from him and getting help I stay and ask him why he's bitten me and explain to him how I didn't deserve it he's poisoned my life in everyway possible some days I question if I walked into this or if I was dragged i can't ever remember wanting this it just happened and he won't let me escape the more he Poisons my life the more he Poisons me the harder it is to get away and knowing when I I escape him I'll lose all my family too because I'm all to aware they all care for him more then they do me so instantly having no one not easy no friends no family no support he's completely trashed my name too to be honest I don't know how I'm going to do this but the thought of never getting away makes me wanna kill myself not being dramatic like I just feel like what's the fucking point of going on if I'm only existence is for him and his happiness I'm not even a person I feel like just an extension of him it's unbearable I just want a normal happy life is that so much to ask ?

To not be owned but to be actually cared for

To not be allowed to do as I wish but incouraged

To not be fearful but to finally feel safe

Do i simply ask for to much I just don't even know anymore

[aropride]

house season 8 episode 12 liveblogging (LONG post sorry)

sorry again. see why it took me 2 hours to watch 45 minutes

bandage placement made me think top surgery. god iwish i lived in the beautiful world i conjured in my mind for .3 seconds where chase took time off work to get top surgery

has anyone told him he probably shouldnt be having sex while also having an unhealed stab wound

thank god at least HE takes pills with water. unlike SOME PEOPLE (house 😒)

(respectful voice) big fan of.back muscles. Noreason for sharing just was moved by the spirit i suppose

every time house calls himself the c word i have an instinctual Hey man you cant say that reaction and then i go Wait he can reclaim nvm... Hes using it as a slur though

wait is this chase's apartmwnt I need to know fto write the most accurate fanfiction possible

guy who just got stabbed but is "fine" Okay man

NUNS......

can he stop standing and walking around and shifting his weight on his injured legs im nervous.

he was a seminarian......... i already knew this. but like. wow he has GOT to have some insane brain problems as a result. (thinks about "i had faith" "yeah that has baggage stamped all over it" exchange btwn him and adams)

^is this supposed to be hot or am i just insane

^BABYGIRL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS I LOVE YOU

i love you babygirl ur cool and casual touching ur hair despite barely having hair anymore is definitely showing how chill and calm u feel abt this conversation

"priests and nuns were the closest i had to family" :(

^what do u mean by this :(

"even though you don't find my case interesting, you find my interest in it interesting" AGAIN . CHASE KNOWS HIM SO WELL. and the pause after and looking at him like he's making sure he's reading him right and then house does exactly what chase expected. im normal about them

^oh you should ask chase about this topic im sure hes familiar #true /notprojecting

"your overreaction to your stabbing is to blame me even as you are drawn to me" ? i cant be the only one seeing homosexuality here

"how can you not be traumatized?" "can't change what happened. can only make better choices from here" me when im so not traumatized that i blame myself for what happened to prove im not traumatized.

"no one joins the clergy without having that epiphany.that god's love is speaking to you directly" <- needed to save this quote. not sure why. It will be helpful to me in my travels i think

this is sofucking good im. slurping this episode like apple juice Fuck

EVEN THE PATIENTS KNOW HES A WHORE!!!!!!😭

the first thing he has to know about being hypersexual/using sexuality as an unhealthy coping mechanism is that u cant drag other people into ur problems Especially if u have to interact with them regularly. (doubly so bc if they realize ur like, using them to worsen ur own brainproblems they will feel bad !!!) Fucking all the nurses at the damn hospital is like the worst thing he could do Now its followed him into his career Smdh. Well to be fair he probably didnt have an alter to tell him that. shout out mars i miss u every day

"i'm just looking for something more" "so am i" auoughhghhhhh

he spends all this time nowadays being like house but sometimes u can still see the earnest kicked-puppy look in his eyes

"you think im hitting on a nun? angry at god or i just need a challenge?" "Or you're terrified of intimacy, which is why you're a serial slut" MY JAW IS ON THE FLOORRRRR I THOGUHT I WAS THE ONLYT ONE SEEINF THIS SHIT!!! I PRACTICALLY WROTE THIS WORD FOR WORD THE OTHER DAY IN MY NTOES APP FOR THAT FUCKING. DIALOGUE I CANT STOP WRITING FOR SOME REAOSN.

got too excited about teevee show now i can feel all the blood in my body

"youre right i was running away" girl so is he :(

how it feels to lose urself in meaningless sex rainbow dolphin image :(and by rainbowdolphin image i mean not that

^😭 HELP

"there was a stabbing" ME WHEN I DISSOCIATE??? brother.see a therapist

"i need to get away from house and everything that reminds me of him" (house md 8.12) // "avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma" (ptsd criterion c)

"you're gonna get away from him by turning into him?" OH.... FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE IS SEEING THIS

i truly do not believe his little story abt how he got kicked out of seminary school im not buying thgat. me when i lie

he's like a puppy to me. hes so kicked puppy core. and his gay little outfit is so cute and i love him i want to pick him up and throw him against the wall. like a bouncy ball not in a sexual way. In a sexual way also tghough

DO NOT CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO THE PATIENT??? WHO YOU JUST MET AND SLEPT WITH ONCE??????

^in terms of how house is this is basically a deeply vulnerable discussion of his regrets and traumas

the little tiny barely perceptable nods i lvoe you i love you

[krystalskeleton]

1992.11.11 – RAW Magazine Interview with Izzy

Music

"Yeah, music is partially my saving grace. It's been part of my life every day of the week since I was a kid. It doesn't have to be a specific type of music, it can be any type because the whole of it takes you away from the mundane, every day sort of thing.

"Being on tour, I find it like a luxury item because when I'm on tour I don't have a big stereo, I have a Sony player that cost 50 bucks, it's mono and it has this tiny speaker. For the first couple of days I only had my walkman which is fine for airplanes, but otherwise they're a drag. I found myself looking in the window of these shops at these stereos and there was this one in Chicago which was four and a half feet long and three feet tall. It was this boom box with neon lights inside it. It was really freaky looking, but I ended up getting this small Sony because it would fit in my bag, it plays cassettes and it records so I can write songs on it too. I find that if I hear a stereo now, even if it's a PA at gigs and they're playing a tape, it's a luxury and I really enjoy it."

Food

"Indian food and pizza are my favourites. I stopped eating meat a few years ago. I don't eat red meat or chicken, but I eat fish. I stopped eating meat shortly after I stopped drinking and using drugs. I think it was a case of wanting to heal myself a little quicker rather than objecting to meat, plus there were some cases on the West Coast where people were dying after they'd eaten bad meat. I'm big on salads. Salads in America are just a couple of bits of dead lettuce, but over here people are a bit more conscientious.

But Indian food and pizza are my favourites and that's why Chicago is like heaven to me because you can get a pizza delivered at 5am and it's damn good pizza. There's a place there called Mama Mia and they deliver all night long. They've got pizzas that are two inches thick with like a cracker crust with fresh tomatoes on top. "

Drink

"I like mango lassi and sweet lassi from Indian restaurants. My second would be fresh squeezed orange juice. Those are the only things I drink. I gave up drinking because I just had enough of waking up in my own vomit and not remembering who I was hanging out with the night before, getting arrested and all that stuff. Waking up in jail, and that sort of thing became old for me and I finally realised that I had to stop this and figure it all out. It wasn't easy and it took a while. I feel a lot better for not doing it."

Hate

"It's destructive in nature. Sometimes you can get angry, but it usually doesn't help fix anything. If I hate something I just get hung up on it and dwell on it. I find it easier to try and dismiss it. Otherwise it's extra baggage to be carrying around. You see hatred every day on the TV and some other places and that's enough for me, I don't need to live with it anymore."

Rock 'N' Roll

"It's that life blood. You can't put your finger on it. For me it's that other thing that only people who listen to it or love it know what it is. To the rest of the world though it probably doesn't mean shit!(laughs)

" The funniest thing I ever heard in Guns N Roses was from this guy in Canada called Gabe. God, he was hilarious! He said he saw something on English TV once that said no matter how many records Elton John sold in 1976, there were still 40 billion Chinese people that don't give a fuck and that rang so true to me- this was back in '86 so I've always kept it in mind. It's true. If you look at the globe and spin it and put your finger wherever it lands there's people there who don't know what Rock 'N' Roll is. For people who do love it, though, it's their whole life. For me it's very special.

" We used to have Rock 'N' Roll bands come to play at our house when I was a real young kid. My dad used to have these parties and me and my brothers were beer runners. The bands were always downstairs and I always hung out with them. When you're a kid and these guys would show to play stuff on the drums, it was great. They'd play stuff like (Credence Clearwater Revival's) 'Proud Mary'. I was lucky 'cos I got to grow up with that. I've been hooked on that ever since."

Drugs

"It's up to each person. It doesn't do any good to tell people not to do it. If people want to do 'em then they're gonna do 'em. All I can say is for myself they stopped being a good thing. It became a complete pain in the ass. It was destroying me as a person and I got to the point where I decided to give up. It wasn't like I didn't know 'cos you go through a peroid where you know you're tearing yourself up. I knew I had to stop or everything was gonna go down the tubes."

Sex

"It's pretty important, but to a lot of people it's hard to understand that it doesn't mean much unless you care about the person you're with. I'm lucky, 'cos I do."

Love

"It's a great thing. Everybody needs it and wants it. Life can be pretty bleak without it. I've got a German shepherd and I've had him since he was a puppy, ya' know. I bought him when he was just a twerp. He's three years old, he's healthy, he's big and he can run 40 miles an hour and he's great. I love my dog!

"I've had a steady girl for a few years and it's a great thing. Love makes life a lot easier."

Work

" I worked in a car wash when I was 15. I worked where the cars come out and you have to dry the cars off. In the winter time with the wind chill it can be 10 or 20 below zero, and that was real work getting up at five or six in the morning. It was cold and you've got these towels that are freezing and you're washing these fuckers off. Music is more something that you love to do so it doesn't seem like work. The thought of having to get a real job is difficult. I was never that good at keeping a straight job and getting enough money to do what I wanted to do. At the same time I had to work as a kid. If you gotta do it you do it.

" I've had different jobs. I worked in pizzerias and I actually enjoyed that. That was one job that didn't feel like work unless there was a gig or concert that I wanted to go to. In that case I'd leave work early anyway. I actually liked cooking pizzas, flipping the dough and stuff was cool.

"If I had to get another real job I would probably work in a pizzeria, or I'd work in the car wash and I'd be on the front end. The front end is where the guys would pump gas and vacuum the cars, and these guys were always the envy of everyone else who had it rough. This was back in the '70s when people would drive around with big joints in their cars. They'd smoke half a joint and leave the rest so that when one guy pulls up with half a joint in his ashtray, what happens to the joint? It ends up in the pocket of the guys who are up front who'd smoke them! I think I'd rather work in a pizza place though where it's warm and there's music."

Photo © Paul Jendrasiak, 1993

[hischierswhore]

you're the problem

pairing: Mason Mount x Reader

TW: asshole!Mason // cursing // verbal arguments // if i missed anything, please let me know

A/N: listened to "blame's on me" by Alexander Stewart on repeat while writing this. apologies in advance !!

"I'm fucking stressed, Y/n, and you're not making it any better!" Mason shouted as you sat on one of the kitchen stools, holding your head in your hands in attempt to ease your growing migraine.

"I can't fucking do this anymore" You mumbled to yourself as your made your way up the stairs and to your bedroom, locking the door once you were inside. You heard Mason shout "Just run away from your problems like you always do".

You brought your knees to your chest as you sobbed on your bedroom floor. How could he be so insensitive and so self-centered when all you did was show him the love & support he craved so desperately?

This had been going on for the past month. You arriving home from work and immediately being put in a screaming match with your boyfriend of 2 years, though it was more of him screaming at you and you just becoming his personal punching bag.

You tried your hardest to stay. You tried to stay for him, to help him change and better himself, but it seems as though every night he goes back to his old ways. You understood he was frustrated with himself because of his performance lately, but that shouldn't be any reason for him to take it out on you.

"Why do I even bother?" You asked yourself as you cried again, tears rolling down your cheeks as you hugged your legs tightly to your chest as some form of protection. You stayed like this for a few moments before opting to grab your suitcase and leave.

You knew if you stayed you'd only cry harder. You opened the door to hear Mason speaking to someone downstairs. You assumed it was Ben or Declan, but you didn't care. Nothing he said or did could change your mind to make you stay. You'd given up, you were done.

You carried your suitcase down the stairs, immediately causing Mason to turn his attention to you.

"I'll call you back" Mason spoke into the phone before ending the call and placing it on the counter. You tried to rush down the stairs and make your way to the front door without having to interact with him, but it seems as though an extremely heavy suitcase filled to the brim with everything you'd ever left at his house wasn't the easiest thing to carry down a flight of stairs.

"Where are you going?" Mason questioned when you finally reached the first floor.

"As far away from you as possible" You spoke dryly, not wanting to interact with him at this moment.

"My love, I'm sorry for-" Mason spoke but was interrupted by you.

"Save it, Mason. You do this shit all the time. You get frustrated because you're not performing well on the pitch and then you verbally take your frustration and anger out on me, and I'm fucking sick of it. I've tried to help you, Mason. I really have, but I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of being your personal punching bag. I'm just done" Tears stained your face once more as you voiced your frustrations to him.

"I didn't know you felt that way"

"Because you're too busy worrying about everything else in your life but me! Not once have you asked me if I'm okay since this whole thing started, Mason. I've lost all hope in this" You said as you gestured between the two of you.

"Look at me, Mason" He looked straight at you as you spoke.

"This isn't the man I fell in love with. This isn't you" Mason's eyes began to fill with tears as reality was setting in; he was losing you.

"For the longest time, I've been blaming myself for things that aren't my fault, and I'm only now realizing that it's you. You're the problem, Mason. It's your fault" You grabbed your suitcase and dragged it towards the front door, leaving Mason frozen in shock at what was happening. With your hand on the door handle, you turned around one last time.

"I hope you resolve whatever the hell is going on with you. Goodbye, Mason" Mason was still in shock at the foot of the stairs. Your words echoed through his mind as you left his house.

You packed your suitcase in the back of your car and drove back to your apartment. Your mind wandered throughout the car ride, trying to come up with different scenarios that could possibly cause Mason to change. He may say or do something that will pull you back to him, but as the drive came to an end, you realized there was nothing he could do to bring you back into his life.

A voice deep within you wished there was, but as much as you wanted to believe in him, you couldn't. You had to let go and move on.

As soon as you arrived home, you jumped in the shower, ignoring your reflection staring back at you with nothing but longing in its eyes. No amount of water washing over your body would make those emotions disappear.

-

You laid across your bed with a blanket wrapped around you, wishing things would just go back to the way they used to be. You missed the loving & affectionate Mason, the one you'd fallen in love with. But those days were gone. Those days were long gone.

Mason had broken your heart. It didn't matter how many people you loved, you could never love another person like you loved him. That realization sent you spiraling into the darkest place you'd ever been in. Your brain couldn't think straight. The sudden loss of everything you thought you'd had all along destroyed you.

You began crying uncontrollably, clutching onto your pillow as if it were all that was keeping you alive. The moment you closed your eyes, your memories flooded your mind and that was enough to drive you into a state of despair. You let yourself drown in the memories.

You cried until you couldn't breathe. You cried until your throat hurt so bad it made you nauseous.

Everything had led you here. Everything you loved and cherished. Every happy memory you'd built up with Mason that seemed so easy and effortless until it had all disappeared. All your dreams seemed futile and unreachable after the events that took place earlier today.

-

Mason couldn't even fathom the pain you were in. The pain you were in because of him and his actions. He never realized what he was putting you through. He attempted to reach out, but it was no use; you'd blocked him on every platform there was. You wanted him out of your life, completely out of your life.

How could he possibly understand the type of grief he'd caused you? How could he comprehend the depths of sadness you were feeling right now?

He'd broken you and now he wanted nothing more than to fix everything he had done. To hold you close and tell you he was sorry. But he couldn't apologize for the mistakes he'd made; he hadn't been there for you during all of it. He hadn't held you while you sobbed or comforted you after one of your many arguments.

He'd lost you for good.

[xglassx]

Do you know what time it is.....celestial papa scenario 🎉

Warning no show accurate!!!!

As you started to get older you grew more distant from your farther in an attempt to leave old childish games behind in pursuit of new things. The first time you left the celestial toyroom was a shock,you had managed to find yourself on earth. So many professionals people in suits and straight faces of misery. It exsighted you,new wonders and adventure waiting for you at every turn.

You walked a little ways down the busling street until you made it to a small woodland,you watched as people ate picnics,walked dogs,rode bike it was extatic but was not the kind of thing you where looking for,you wanted something more professional,responsible and grown up. Something that needed to be nurtured and looked after something like-"hey" you spun round as you felt a hand on your left shoulder. It was a man that was about your age in high school maybe college,he gave you a sweet smile as he stood in front of you fumbling with his fingers.

"Hey I thought that you where cute and I wanted to get your number" you looked up at him with a blank expression as you listened to his words,your face headed up as he finished talking. "......a phone,oh yes a phone! I don't have one sorry...." you said feeling let down"thats fine,maybe you wanna go to a cafe with me...right now?" He asked sweetly and you couldn't help but nod your head.

He seemed sweet and harmless and you couldn't help but seem amused. Maybe it was part off your father that had rubbed off on you,yet you couldn't help yourself in finding some sort of sick pleasure entertaining his idea of even having a chance with you.maybe this was the entertainment you where looking for.

"Yes I would love that!"you followed my though the quaint little town as he told you about himself,his name was noah and he was from around here,as you sat in the little cafe you didn't order anything as you thought it would take away from the amount of Time you had to look into his eyes,"so what brings you around" quick thing of a lie "oh I justed moved here"

He reached over the table to hold your hand that layed on the smooth surfaces of the table. "well maybe after this I can walk you home" your face grew hot was a smilr coulfnt hrlp but tug at the corners of your lips.this what going to be so much fun the idea of letting this man down was practically thrilling.

oh shit,we where interuped by a voice on the right "oh no need she still has a lot of unpacking to do" you looked up to see your farther standing there with his arms crossed and brow furrowed, "dad I was just-" this clowm is your farther?" Noah said as he side eyed your farther. You did want to justify your actions to your farther but now given noahs interruption it seems all chance you had of getting out of this unscathed where out the window.

"Dad he didn't mean it-" "y/n I suggest we go home before I do something I will regret" you lowered your head as you slid out from the booth and your farther grabbing your hand quite harshly as dragging you out.

By the time you got home your embarrassment faded into anger. You ripped you had out from your fathers grip and glare at him."who could you embarras me that like!" You yelled it from the first time in your life.he gave you a cold stair and crossed his arms not taking to kindly to your attitude."y/n you have known better then to speak to some-" before your fathers could land any insults on your choice of men you spoke up."I don't care what you think!.I am not some little girl anymore! I can't take car off myself and make my own decisions! Ans I sure as hell don't need you to help me!" His frown parked as his eye boar hole into yours.

"Don't speak to me like that young lady I am your father-" with a burst off anger you shouted "BUT YOUR NOT!" your face felt red as the pace of your chest increased. Anger filled your fathers as you yelled at him."really?" He mocked as he stalked closer "who saved you from the streets when you where a child?" Your feet moved you back slightly as he got closer.he knew he was scaring you "who fed you? Bathed you? Loved you for all your worth!?" HE started to raise his voice and tears pricked into your eyes as your back collided with a set off draws. Stinging filled your hip as you put both your hands behind you back to hold and stable yourself.

"Who put up with your childish foolish antics for years! Who made the mistake off waisting there life trying to fix the mess you become!" You slid down the draw till you where onto the floor with stars poruing down your face. You sobbed as his words cut deep. You felt all the years do insurances fill you. "ME! I took care off you! When you didn't deserve my help! My guidance!" He loosed over you his hands dictating his words.

As you sobbed feeling broke inside as he yelled at you making you feel small and scared again look you did all those years ago. His words sliced at your skin leaving bring sensations across your body as your eyes burned as stars pooled in them spilling over the edge and down your face. He sighed kneeling down to your level. "You didn't deserve my help and somtim3w you seem to forget where you stand like when you stood all alone that night I took you in"

His yelling stopped as his hand gently cupped your face as your tried to flinch away. His cold hands burned more then your tears did no your face. "But I will always remind you where you stand in this world.i do it to protected you. To build you back ul again when you break" He was right,his words broke you and he was going to make sure he would rebuild you differently this time.more depened on him. Needing more off hid time and attion like when you where a little child still killing to his leg.

"I will put you back together again and nothing will stop em from doing so.becuas I love you y/n" He took your face his both his hands as he pressed his forehead against yours. Your teary eyes buring as you whee forced to look into his eyes. You broke down in open mouth sobbed as your clung to him hiding for face in his neck. He rubbed soothing patterns on your back as he hushed your sobbs.

He would do better to make sure you would be more dependent din him this time.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I love Arthur Fleck so fucking much it actually hurts sometimes. Every time I think I can't love him any more than I already do, I somehow manage to surprise myself.

Maybe I'm overly emotional right now because I'm stressed to the point of having literally no appetite so I haven't eaten all day or because it's 9.54pm and I should be asleep already because I wanna be up at 3am so I can study before work, but I just... Cannot and will not stop thinking about Arthur.

How hard he tries to be good - going to therapy, keeping a journal, taking actual notes on what comedy seems to be based on what makes people laugh the hardest in Pogo's Club, taking his medications, holding down a job, working inhuman hours and then going home to be his mother's carer - and he's so exhausted, you can see it.

But he keeps going. He tries day after day after day, head bowed and an asymptomatic limp and feet dragging and shoulders slumped because he's suffering but he knows what he needs to do and he's doing it as best as he can.

He's not an inherently good person, from the moment the film begins we see that he's already started to descend and he's doomed by the narrative; it was always gonna end the way it does. But right up until absolutely everything is taken away from him, by his hand or not, he is trying. To be kind, to take his medications, to care for Penny, to do what's expected, to do what he thinks is right because he cares so much that it burns him. He cares so much that it factors into his downfall, he's tragic and doomed from the start but like so many of my beloveds, he went down fighting until he couldn't anymore so then he gave in and everything went to shit.

But he TRIED. Every day. Until that choice was taken from him.

There's so much quiet strength and bravery to Arthur and so much to him that he doesn't show to the world, either because he doesn't want to or he can't, but what we do see... I find so, so tragically beautiful.

Arthur is, in so many ways, the reason why I am who I am today. He's the reason I'm doing a bachelor's with honours psychology with counselling degree; he inspired me so much that I realised I want to help people like him and I've spent the last four years working towards my degree, I have two more years to go and then after that, there's gonna be post-graduate certifications and training and work experience to work on etc. but Arthur has always inspired me to keep going, to keep trying, just like he did.

Step step step step...

One day after another.

Arthur inspired me to be kinder, and if I can't manage that, then just be nice or even if that's too much, don't say anything at all, just smile and move on. He inspired me to keep going, to be gentler to myself, to write down my thoughts, to take time at the end of a day which has so much work that I'm swaying on my feet to brush my teeth because I'm so tired, to watch something I love because it'll give me something to look forward to at work or when I'm dragging myself through a 3am study session. My bed is my favourite hello and my hardest goodbye. Arthur keeps me warm inside, he keeps me going, he gives me a reason to smile every day, and I'm so grateful to this character for everything he's taught me.

How can I quit on everything I work so hard at, a thought I'm ashamed to admit I have every day, when someone like Arthur inspired me? If I quit, it'll be a waste of the four years I've spent so hard working for, but also it'll be a waste of the love I have for Arthur, because I pour so much of it into my degree. I can't help Arthur, but I can help people like him. I pour my love for him into my degree, and I try to honour the lessons he taught me with it, too. How can I quit my degree not only so close to the end, but also because to quit would be like giving up on Arthur? I may be exhausted to my bones, we all know it, but like hell would I ever give up on Arthur. And therefore, no giving up on my degree. I'll be grateful I kept going one day. (Right?🥺)

I love Arthur, so much, and I'll carry him with me for the rest of my life. He's always there for me at the end of the day, safe in my phone, and curling up in bed with him cures all ills. I'll never love anyone the way I love Arthur, not just because he changed my life and saved it on the same day (4th October 2019) in so many ways it'd take me another twenty minutes to list them, but also because Arthur Fleck is Arthur Fleck, and that's the biggest reason of all to love him.❤️

I wish I could tell him all of this. I truly do.

[lovelykil]

「 Scars 」

kyle x reader older ver.

cw; self harm scars, depression

cw; I initially didn't want to write (or post this) since it's so corny to me, but I actually struggle with depression and sh and stuff I won't get much into it but,, this is mainly for comfort to anyone else who struggles as well :-(

"And when we graduate we can go move in together and start our life in clean and fresh new bought home, maybe even.. bake some cookies the first day in?"

"I love new house smells"

"I know you do." I sheepishly smiled and took a small sip of my chocolate milk then let it rest on my nightstand. I sat up into my pillows, moving my legs around to get comfortable. Kyle moved his hands away and looked over at me.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, his voice filled with concern. I looked at him then my legs, I shook my head lightly.

"No I was just getting comfortable.." I hesitated, my eyes darting away from the various scars to my bare skin. He hummed, placing back my legs onto his lap where he would continue to caress his thumb along my scars while looking away.

I watched as he studied my room, his eyes moving to the dirty floor where clothes laid and stacks of dirty dishes piled up, missing assignments scattered around the ground and my backpack hung open on a chair with more clothes set on it.

I grew embarrassed, feeling uncomfortable again. This wasn't the first time I've felt like this anytime he came over.

I hate when he comes over to my house, I love going over to his since it's clean and tidy and takes my mind off that I'm a complete wreck and a total shit show because of the way I live.

My legs find their way to my chest where I held them close to me, suddenly I felt emotional.

"Why are you with me?" I croaked, looking away from him.

"What?"

"Why are you still with me? You absolutely hate germs and my room is just full of it, it's disgusting but I just can't seem to get myself to clean it all up. Plus.. I barely have any motivation to do anything I feel like I'm just.. dragging you down Kyle.. Why do you even bother with me anymore?"

As I went on, I felt my eyes burn with familiar tears. My sunken swelled eyes closed tightly to prevent the tears from falling but I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffled just to realize I failed.

Kyle didn't say much, he stared at me perplexed. He's green caring eyes fell onto the many scars on my body then up to my face.

"We can always clean your room together if you want, I don't mind it.. really." I raised my head up to see his small smile with his head tilted to the side a little. Those eyes of his showed nothing but sincerity and love and to that I bit my lip down to try not to cry more.

"Also, I love you sweetheart I know you're struggling and I just want to help you. I'm always going to be here when you need me and if you need your alone time I'll respect that. I just want you to get better love."

"I'm trying Ky, I am.."

"I know you are Y/n, I can see it." I felt the warmth of his hand on my own as his thumb graced against my knuckles softly. His other hand neared close to my cheek and held it. My cheeks grew warm and a sad smile appeared on my weary face.

After so many arguments, me lashing out on him, ignoring him for hours, almost breaking up with him due to how bad I was getting, he still remained by my side, and tried to help me when no one else was. I know it must've been so hard for him during some days where I would completely ignore his existence and rot in my bed all day but I'm so glad he's still here with me.

He's the reason why I threw away my razor blades and started using just rubber bands whenever I felt the need to hurt myself. It's a small change but he said baby steps is still good and good for achieving my goal to which is getting better.

I love him dearly, to much where I think I don't even deserve him.

"Hey Kyle," I whispered, looking at him. He hummed, his right hand reaching toward my face. I placed both of my hands ontop of his, sinking into his touch, I've never felt so safe and happy with a person.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him, my eyes staring back into his. His brows rose from shock, he looked taken back. But within seconds he leaned in to kiss my cheek and place a light kiss to my forehead.

"You're welcome." His lips formed a kind smile back at me when he pulled away to reply back.

I messed with his curls, feeling the strains wrap around my finger then letting it coil back up when I let go.

"Can we nap? I feel tired." I covered the incoming yawn with my hand and sighed softly. Kyle nodded, leaning into kiss my head again then began to take off his jacket.

I settled into my bed, pulling the sheets over my body soon he came in to join me right next to me. He cuddled up near me as we both smiled and giggled to each other.

"How about tomorrow we start cleaning, it's friday?" The ginger suggested as his hand landed on my face once again. I thought for a moment, making a few faces but nodding my head in agreement.

"okay"

"yeah?"

"yeah."

He smiled once again, that smile that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.. the smile I remember that made me fall I love with him before we ever started dating.

I smiled myself but hid it away into his neck, putting my arm under his to hold him close to me. The way he smelt always brought me joy and made me feel at home too in a way.

But he was my home.

He's the only home I ever felt happy in.

Funny how a person could feel or be like a home.

I felt his slender hands hold me back, growing comfortable in his spot with me onto him. He began to run his fingers up and down my back from beneath my shirt then scratched it ever so lightly.

I placed a few kisses to his bare neck before closing my eyes to fall asleep.

"i.. love you." I muttered right before my eyes shut.

I could feel him sudden stop, freezing in the moment I could imagine his eyes open wide from just 3 words. Those 3 words I only used so rarely..

The way I felt his heart race within those few seconds of silence as our bodies were so close to one another melted my heart.

"i love you too." He whispered back, continuing to run his fingers against my back.