#so for the next couple months I'm gonna have to be speed reading through it

[hollowflight-propaganda]

🥀(for the WoF ask game)

🥀 Opinion on the Graphic Novel style?

I think it's good! I own the first 4 of them, but I've never actually read through any of them in whole. But yeah, I think it works for what it is! Some facial expressions are done very well, and I absolutely love how the NightWings are depicted.

[cherryflavoured7777]

Do you miss me, dear? [h.c]

Summary: Stuck at a graduation party, surrounded by memories of your past relationship and your own loneliness, your night takes an unexpected turn when you find yourself dialing the number of the one person you vowed you wouldn't contact.

Pairing: College!Hazel x College!Fem!Reader 

Contains: smut 18+ only, explicit language, drinking, smoking, mutual pining, slightly toxic reader I think, fingering (r! receiving), oral(r! receiving), break-up/make-up sex, idiots in love, this one gets straight-up MUSHY I’m not gonna lie

Word count: 4.1k

a/n: I just need to say I am deeply obsessed with all of you who interacted with either of my last two fics. reading your comments/ replies seriously makes me SO happy you have no idea. Got me giggling and shit fr! I don’t know why my writing always ends up including partying and drinking but maybe it’s because I just graduated college and am having an existential post-grad crisis. Anyway 💀I hope you enjoy and thank you again for reading!!!

Also, this is inspired by this song by one of my favourite bands:  

“I don’t know what I’m still doing here.” You say out loud to yourself, standing up from the musty green couch you were sitting on. An empty beer bottle falls from the cushion onto the ground, shattering into pieces beside your foot. 

This party sucked. Pushing your way through the crowded, stuffy kitchen, you couldn't shake off the feeling of suffocation. Tipsy couples entangled in each other's arms seemed to be everywhere, a painful reminder of what you once had and lost. The memories of being that annoying person in love at a party flooded back, amplifying the ache of your loneliness.

The thumping music in your ears only made your head pound harder. Desperate for a breath of fresh air, you stumbled toward the door, ignoring the intoxicated laughter and clinking glasses that filled the air. As you stepped outside, the cool night breeze hit your face, offering a momentary rescue from the overwhelming atmosphere inside.

The darkness of the night sky above seemed to swallow you whole, but it felt strangely comforting. Leaning against the porch railing, you closed your eyes, trying to regain your composure. In the silence outside, you could hear distant laughter and the faint sound of music, muffled by the walls of the house.

You settled into a seat around a glass table, next to a guy you recognized from one of your classes. You exchanged a quick nod of acknowledgment before reaching into your purse, retrieving a box of cigarettes. Smoking was not a regular habit for you, but you reserved it for moments like these—after a few drinks and a growing sense of irritation. 

You lit the end of the cigarette, watching it crackle, and took a long drag. As you exhaled the smoke, you tilted your head back, noticing the full moon glowing brightly above.

"Full moon tonight," the boy beside you remarked, his voice carrying a note of intrigue. "They say some crazy shit can happen on full moons."

You chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, well, that could explain why I'm stuck at this party right now."

He leaned back, studying you intently. 

“I wish I could be an astronaut and get the fuck out of here.” You mused, gaze fixed on the bright glow of the moon. "I only came to this party because she said she would be here." Another drag of the cigarette punctuated your words.

"Who's she?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"My ex," you replied, trying to seem nonchalant. His gaze was fixed on you, "Hazel."

-

Until today, you hadn't spoken to Hazel in over three months, choosing to cut off all contact in an attempt to speed up the process of moving on. You're both surprised that you managed to endure the silence for so long, and disappointed that she hasn't made any effort to reach out, not even once. 

That was until about six hours ago when you were sitting at a coffee shop on campus with your roommate, Brittany, studying for your upcoming statistics exam. 

"Don't look now, but Hazel just walked in," she whispers, her tone hushed, and her eyes widening. "And she's with another girl."

Your heart plummeted into your stomach. You were seated with your back to the door, and you watched as they both approached the corner, heading in your direction.

"Brittany!" the blonde girl accompanying Hazel exclaims, leaving the three of you momentarily stunned.

Hazel follows a few steps behind, clearly taken aback by the encounter. She looked annoyingly hot, her disheveled brown hair, baggy white t-shirt and black jeans, adorned with her signature silver chains and rings. It takes all your strength not to stare. 

"Hey, Amanda," Brittany replied, forcing a polite smile. "Hazel."

Hazel offers a nod in greeting to Brittany and then to you. You feel like a middle-schooler again, awkward and unsure of how to act around your crush.

"Did you manage to finish that paper for Professor Sharpe's class?" the girl asked. 

As Brittany carries on the conversation with Amanda, you can feel Hazel's gaze on you, catching her eyes occasionally. 

You never anticipated the aftermath of your breakup with Hazel to be this awkward. All those nights spent tangled up together, where you both believed you could read each other's minds, now reduced to this.

"So, Hazel, are you going to Emma’s graduation party tonight? All of us are going," Brittany chimed in, attempting to steer the conversation away from the obvious tension.

Hazel smiled sheepishly, replying, "Yeah, I’m going."

"Cool," Brittany replied, her smile masking the underlying awkwardness in the air.

A beat of uncomfortable silence hung between you all.

"Will you be there?" Hazel asked breaking the silence, turning toward you, her voice almost hesitant.

"Yeah, I'll be there," you said, mustering a small smile. "Wouldn’t want to miss it."

Hazel smiled, "Cool," she said, her voice soft, "I'll see you there then."

Just as the atmosphere began to ease, Amanda abruptly intervened, her grip firm on Hazel's hand. "Hazel, let’s go, I forgot something in my car," Amanda said, her tone strangely possessive, and she dragged Hazel away before you could utter another word.

-

This breadcrumb of information has led you here. You spent the first fifteen minutes at the party searching for her like a lost puppy. When you couldn't find her, you contemplated leaving but opted to drown your thoughts with tequila shots instead. Now, you're clinging to any scrap of attention you can find, desperately trying to purge her from your mind.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the male voice beside you. "D’you have a light?" he asked, his cigarette aimed in your direction. You stare at him for a moment, deadpan, still frozen in your thoughts from the events that unfolded earlier today. 

"Fuck it," you muttered under your breath, reaching for your phone. You’re calling her.

-

“You’re soaked,” Hazel says as you climb into the front seat of her car, her tone a mix of concern and annoyance. “Seriously, you’re getting mud all over the floor of my car.” While you were waiting for Hazel to pick you up from the party, It started raining, you thought enduring it outside would be better than being stuffed in that small house full of people you didn't even really know. 

“You lied.” You retort back. 

“What?”

“You said you were coming to the party.” 

“Yeah well, my plans changed. Put your seatbelt on.” As she shifted the car into reverse, she placed her hand on your seat to steady herself. With a quick glance over your shoulder, she backed out of the driveway in one brisk movement.

You attempted to keep your composure, trying not to make it entirely obvious that you were basically drooling over how hot she looked doing that.  

“I can tell that there’s someone else,” You say after a few moments of silence, trying to disguise your jealousy with innocent curiosity. “Come on, tell me,” You finally click your seatbelt into place. “I can take it well.” 

"Oh, I know you can," she replied, shooting you a smug look, trying to divert this conversation from getting too deep right now.

“Hazel.” You groan at her dumb attempt at an innuendo, throwing your head backward and hitting the headrest. “Just be honest. Is it the girl from the coffee shop earlier? Or what about the girl Isabel saw you with last week at the library? Or both? Who am I kidding, there’s probably even more than that.”

“Do you have like, personal spies assigned to watch over me?”

You don’t respond right away, deciding to avoid her questions like she’s avoiding yours. You crank the window open and throw your head out. The spring wind cool on your face. 

“God, you’re so annoying sometimes.”

She’s quiet for a moment. 

Look, I know I wasn't where I said I'd be, but I was busy, doing stuff," she replied defensively.

"Yeah," you scoffed, your words tinged with a hint of anger. "I'm sure you were."

You sit the next few minutes in silence, wondering if this whole thing was a bad idea. You couldn't pinpoint why you had called her in the first place. The intensity of seeing her earlier mixed with the disappointment of the lackluster party had left you missing her, even though you weren't entirely sure why.

"So, where am I taking you?" Hazel asked, her gaze shifting from the road to you. Strands of her brown hair were tousled by the wind.

Your buzz had faded, and with it, your initial courage waned. Swallowing hard, you hesitated before speaking. "Can I sleep at yours? Not— not like that," you hurriedly clarified, feeling a sudden need to explain. "It's just that Brittany has her new boyfriend over, and I could go back there, but I don’t really want to."

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” 

After a moment, Hazel hesitantly rested her hand on your thigh, both of you aware of the significance of the touch, even if neither acknowledged it. Her fingers gave a gentle squeeze, the subtle pressure made your tummy flip. Beneath the surface, an unspoken understanding lingered, hinting that this night might entail more than just a ride home.

-

Hazel's apartment is full of brown moving boxes, an aching reminder of why you broke up in the first place. 

“Wow, this place is pretty much all packed up.” You say, slowly walking through the place, eventually landing at the doorway into her bedroom. 

She nods in response, her face reflecting a mixture of anticipation and sadness, settling down at the end of her bed.

"So, when do you leave?" The question weighed heavily on your heart as you voiced it. You wished you didn't have to ask these questions, yearning for a time when you were part of her plans, not just a spectator.

“Two weeks. My Aunt is gonna meet me at JFK and help me move into my new place.”

You sighed, feeling brave, "I wish I had the date circled on my calendar, helping you move, or going with you." You say the last part quiet, mostly to yourself.

The conversation lingered in the air, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

You walked over to her dresser, where a mirror was propped up, decorated with photos of you two from a photobooth, still clinging to the glass. Your heart swelled with mixed emotions.

Hazel says your name, breaking you from your trance. 

“Come here,” she says. 

You walk over slowly, standing between her legs. Your hands rest on her shoulders and you take a deep breath.

With both of your gazes locked, her hands came up behind your thighs, gently grabbing them and pulling them on either side of her one by one so you’re straddling her. Her hand comes up to brush a piece of hair from your face. 

“You’re so beautiful, baby” Her voice is barely a whisper as she stares up at you, her eyes practically shimmering with your reflection, Her hands settle on your waist, the warmth of her touch sending a pang of guilt through you. This breakup was unlike any you'd experienced before, and the raw emotions lingered, making you hesitate for a moment.

Your hands move up to cradle her face, your thumb dragging on her bottom lip. Still maintaining intense eye contact, you slowly slip your finger into her mouth, watching her with a mix of awe and longing.

The silence as you stare at each other is anything but awkward. It was charged with the weight of shared mourning, each of you navigating the complexity of a relationship's end.

You removed your finger, and in response, she grabbed your head gently, guiding it down towards her face, her eyes locked onto yours. Your lips barely grazed each other, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she could hear your rapid heartbeat. Hazel kissed you slowly at first, the touch of her lips sending a rush through your entire body. It quickly escalated, and there was a certain neediness to the way you both kissed, scared it could be the last time.

"Missed you," She whispered against your lips. Your mouths slid together, tongues pressing and exploring. The intensity of the kiss speaks volumes, like you were making up for lost time. Her lips found their way to your neck, leaving a trail of hot, lingering kisses, setting your body on fire. 

“Fuck, Hazel.” It was almost embarrassing how quickly you melted beneath her touch. “We shouldn’t be doing this,” You say, your voice strained, a soft moan escaping your lips. You very much wanted to be doing this, you just thought you should at least try to seem like you had stronger breakup morals than you did. Her hands found the curve of your ass, and you instinctively started to rock your hips slowly back and forth, seeking some much-needed friction. 

"Do you want me to stop? Say the word, and I'll stop, pretty girl," she murmured against your neck, her open-mouthed kisses and gentle suction on your pulse point sending shivers down your spine. You didn't reply with words, but your fingers found her hair, silently urging her to continue. "I need an answer, babygirl," 

"Don't stop," you breathed, your voice catching in your throat. "Please, don't stop." Your hips still lazily moving on her. Her mouth was back on yours, deepening the kiss as she guided you both down, her hands roaming over the back of your legs and your ass. She tugged at the hem of your shirt, helping you out of it and leaving you in your black lace bra.  

"So fucking perfect. Missed you so fucking much," she confessed, 

"I missed you too, Haze, every day," you whined, 

"You ever think about me? she asked, breathless. "About this?" she continued 

You nodded, your breath hitching as you confessed, "All the time. Couldn't stop thinking about you, your hands, your mouth."

Her eyes darken as you sit up and effortlessly unhook your bra, leaning back down, your lips finding their way to her collarbone, marking a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along her skin. Your hands slowly creep their way up under her shirt, seeking permission. She nods, a silent affirmation, and you gently peel her shirt off over her head. Your stomach flips as you feel her arms effortlessly turn both of you over, trading places, landing on your back as she hovers over you. Her silver chain dangling above your face. It felt like your first time all over again, you felt a sense of shyness creeping over you under her gaze. Anticipation and excitement blooming in your chest.

“Fuck, look at you.” She says. The way she’s studying you makes you feel like the most beautiful thing to ever exist, as if every curve of your body is a masterpiece deserving of praise. Unable to contain your impatience, you pull her head down to meet your lips, your hips instinctively bucking up, frustration showing in the heated moment. Her fingers start to trail downwards under your skirt, meeting your clothed cunt. “You want me to fuck you? Hm?” She whispers in your ear, “Is that what you want baby?” She taunts, her fingers slowly grazing over your underwear. 

You nod vigorously, your enthusiasm evident. She responds by sucking on your neck again, sending shivers down your spine, your face flushed with heat. Your hands instinctively tug at her hair.

“Yes, Haze, please, fuck.” You arch your neck, pressing it firmly into the softness of the pillow beneath, a small gasp escaping your lips as you surrender to the moment. “Want your fingers inside of me.”

She makes a noise of desperation, her warm breath fanning over your face. “Gonna make you feel so good baby” She moves your underwear to the side, running her fingers through your slick folds. You gasp and she groans. “Wanna make it up to you.”

She tugs at the waistband of your skirt. You lift your hips as she guides it down along with your underwear. Hazel curses under her breath, “You’re so wet, it’s so fucking hot.” She plants kisses all over your chest, each one feeling like it could set you on fire. 

She slowly fucks you with her middle finger, the touch leaving you reeling. She adds her ring finger, her free hand snaking under your neck. Her fingers gently grab the side of your face while she fucks you, slightly tugging and grazing them against your parted lips. It's an intimate gesture, conveying both tenderness and desire.

Your hips buck up to meet her fingers. “Holy fuck” you groan as she pumps them faster into you. “Like that,” your voice is completely shot. Your entire body fizzed from the contact. You gently bite down on her fingers near your mouth while she places kisses all over your cheeks and your lips. Your head spun with thoughts of her - her mouth, her hair, her scent, Hazel was everywhere, all-encompassing. 

“Fuck, you’re so good” She half slurs, her voice wrecked, pupils blown and her lips parted. “So good for me.” She whispers, keeping her pace, dragging her digits through the wetness at your core.

Her mouth makes its way down your body, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses until she’s on her stomach between your thighs. Pumping faster, her lips suck at your clit. Her other hand presses down on your abdomen, holding you in place. You cup your aching tits, feeling them move with every motion she makes.

“Hazel,” you whine, “Haze, I-” Her fingers pick up the pace, curling inside of you. You tread your fingers through her hair, tugging slightly, the coil in your tummy growing tighter and tighter. 

“I know, honey, I know,” She says in response to your moans. “You sound so pretty baby, missed those sounds so much.” She keeps babbling, telling you how good you are and how pretty you look for her. 

“Fuck, don’t stop” you moan as she continues fucking you with her mouth and fingers, her pace alternating between teasing and fast, pushing you toward the edge. The contrast in her movements intensifies the pleasure, almost giving you want you want but flaking at the last moment, it’s torture.

“Shit, you’re almost there sweetheart” Hazel swears under her breath, voice laced with her own arousal. Her words drive you closer to the edge. You swear you can see stars as the overwhelming feeling shocks through your body. Your heart rate picks up immensley, pounding in your chest.

“Gonna come for me baby, yeah?” “Want you to come all over these fingers.” 

And you did. Your body clenches around her fingers, trembling, moans and curses spilling from your lips. Your eyes form with tears from the overstimulation. Her face landed in the crook of your neck, planting sloppy kisses and whispering reassurances as she guides you through the climax.

“Good girl, that’s it, honey. That’s it,” she murmurs.

Her fingers still slowly pumping in and out of you, riding out your high.

“Holy shit," you say once you've caught your breath. "Haze, c'mere." She lifts her head back up and you yank her face down to yours, tasting yourself on her lips as she lets out a soft moan. When you eventually pull away, both breathless, you lock eyes before bursting into disbelieving laughter.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You whisper.

"I can," she says smugly. You playfully shove her before she collapses beside you. Both of you lie face to face, studying each other's features, committing them to memory, afraid you might forget what they look like. Her hand rests on your waist, mindlessly grazing up and down.

"What's the real reason you didn't come to the party? You ask. Were you with someone else?" Hazel shakes her head.

She pauses before speaking, "I thought if there was any chance of you being there, that I was gonna walk in and maybe see you with someone else. There was no way I could've handled that. I've been distracting myself with other girls, yeah, but..." Her voice trails off. "You have no idea how in love with you I still am." Her voice cracking with emotion. You can see a tear forming in Hazel’s eye, glimmering in the low light of the room.

“Hazel..” Your own voice slightly breaking. You reach out and drag your thumb delicately against her cheek, wiping the stray tear away. Your heart is breaking with a mixture of guilt and longing for the girl lying beside you.

“I still play pretend, in my head.” She whispers.

You smile, your hand resting on her neck, giving it a gentle squeeze, a signal of encouragement for her to keep going. 

“I picture us, living together in our apartment in the city.” 

Hazel was moving to New York City to work for her aunt after graduation. The reason you broke up, neither of you wanting to do long distance.

“Waking up next to you everyday, cooking you breakfast, fucking you on the countertop for hours” You both laugh at that. “Ever since I met you, I’ve always pictured you just being there. And these past few months…” 

“Absolute hell.” You finish for her. 

“Absolute hell.” She agrees. 

You take her hand and squeeze it, a silent form of reassurance. 

She shifts slightly and hovers over you again, brushing your damp hair off your forehead with her hand, and scans your face. “I don’t want this to end” she whispers. 

You wish you could capture this moment, tuck it away, and replay it whenever you wanted. You’ve been waiting for her to say these exact words for the past three months, you just never thought it would happen. The reason for your break-up still heavily taunts the back of your mind. 

“I love you” you reply, your voice barely a whisper. Taking her face in your hand and capturing her in another kiss. She kisses you sweetly and desperately.

You pull away, gently coaxing her back towards you, and cuddle her into your chest, assuming the role of the big spoon.

She nestles into your arms, finding comfort in the warmth of your body. With a soft sigh, she murmurs, "I wish we had more time.”

You tighten your hold around her, "We'll figure something out, I promise," you whisper, though you aren’t even sure of the reality of your own words. You choose to let go of the uncertainties, preferring to revel in the present moment. She looks back at you, and you kiss her forehead, a silent promise to cherish what you have, even if time feels fleeting.

“God damn full moon.” You mutter to yourself, remembering your earlier conversation at the party.

“What?” She asks.

“Nothing.” You say. “Don’t worry about it.” You kiss her shoulder, settling into the softness of the moment.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

tagging @astroph1les @vster0769

[roses-for-rosalyn]

Hey sweetheart, I have this idea about cop!Ellie and cop!reader I've never shared bc I'm so shy to ask, but if you are open to write about it here it is.(sorry if something doesn't make sense inglish is not my first lenguage)

Well Ellie and reader are work partners and they don't really like each other because Ellie is kinda mean?(she is the director btw) but there's a tension between them anyways. So they have a night shift together and on the way in the car the reader begins to flirt, like touching ellie's thigh, and she stops in a field and fucks the reader brains out<33

-💌

This took forever but I hope I did your idea justice!

a/n: sorry I haven’t written anything in so long, life is crazy

Ellie x reader

Wc: 3k (roughly)

Minors dni 🔞 (I will jump through your screen and poke you in the eyes I stg)

CWs: police officer! Ellie and reader, play girl Ellie, fem reader, cop stuff idk, enemies to lovers (ish?), thigh riding, overstim, oral (r! receiving), fingering (r! receiving), multiple orgasms

—

As a small town cop things rarely became dangerous, so on the rare occasion things did go awry no one was really prepared. You got a call about a car speeding through town at about 90 miles an hour. It quickly becomes a chase with Williams at the wheel. Before she even starts catching up to the car you both begin bickering on what roads to take to catch up and who can read the license plate better. The world becomes a blur as the car picks up speed, the roaring of the engine and the sound of the sirens make it hard to hear anything.

You attempt to shout over the noise, “Williams we might be able to catch them if we take-”

“Shutthefuckup I know what I’m doing!” She yells back even louder, more irritated because you dared tell her what to do. She didn’t even let you finish and she missed the turn that would have taken you ahead of the car to block their path.

“Williams we’re gonna lose ‘em.” You couldn’t convince her, you’re not sure anyone could have. The car takes a sudden turn and she misses it, she quickly reverses and turns down the dirt road only for the car to disappear from sight. She tries to make a few turns but it’s useless, these roads went in every direction with thick woods surrounding them. Even townies got lost in there.

She slows the car down eventually coming to a stop in the middle of the road and quietly mutters “Fuck.” under her breath.

“Maybe you should have listened to the directional advice from someone who was fucking born here instead of trying to do everything yourself.” You can’t help but notice you scolded her like a primary school teacher, but she makes it so hard when she acts like this.

“Please I don’t need a fucking ‘I told you so’ talk right now.” She huffs.

“I hope you know this is completely your fault, I can’t fucking believe-”

“I swear to god if you keep talking I’m going to kick you out of this goddamn car.” She turns and looks at you straight in the eye, challenging you. Her tone is eerily calm. You narrow your gaze but say nothing, turning to look straight ahead. And with that she drives you both back to the station, defeated with only half of the criminal's license plate.

- -

Patrol partners are supposed to be friends- Or at least friend-ly. That’s what anyone would assume, you have to spend every day together, not getting along would just result in various inconvenient miscommunications and misunderstandings.

Yeah, well you weren’t that lucky. Your patrol partner is Ellie Williams aka “Williams” according to her various male coworkers. Her female coworkers tended to lean more towards nicknames like “whore” or “slut” considering she hooked up with a couple of them and then acted like she barely knew them at work the next day and did it all over again. She had to start finding hookups outside the station last month because all her go-tos had refused her unless she wanted something serious. On top of that the few that she got with turned the rest of the girls against her, all she had left was you and all the guys at the station- and you didn’t really count since you were forced to be with her. This meant recently she was particularly irritable considering she couldn’t find a lot- if any- women to relieve any of her tension, so patrolling with her for the past 30 days has been hell.

On a more positive note it made gossiping with your coworkers over coffee the best part of your day. They would talk about their hookups which would inevitably lead back to shit talking Williams- which you would enthusiastically participate in considering how she treated you on the job. However they all agreed that they tolerated it for as long as they did because the sex was good. And you believed them because they had to put up with some crazy bullshit from her. A tiny part of you yearned for them to explain just how good it was, but you’d never ever give in to that curiosity.

Williams- on the rare occasion she would say anything- was mean, she would make snide comments all the time no matter what task you were taking on. She had some sort of superiority complex because she was- admittedly- very good at her job. She had transferred from some big city to your small town station and she had much more experience. She was incredibly skilled at taking people down when she needed to. However, compared to her old job, barely anything happens here. When something did happen she would insist on taking over the task almost every single time, the only thing she couldn’t trump you in was de-escalation. She was terrible at communication and that was most of the job. Calls would mostly be noise complaints or welfare checks, so you took the lead for those and it drove her crazy. She couldn’t stand being inferior to anyone, especially on the job. So you were squabbling constantly.

And for some reason tonight she was in a particularly bad mood. You’re stationed on the side of the road, keeping watch for anyone disobeying any road safety laws and Williams is silent. Not particularly unusual, but her body language was odd, she was weirdly tense. She sat fidgeting with her hands, picking at her cuticles, occasionally glancing up if she heard a car. Nothing in you wanted to show you cared at all for her, because you didn’t, but at this point you were so bored you didn’t care if you started one of your usual squabbles.

“Something wrong Williams?” You tentatively ask.

“ ‘m fine, just tired.” she says, still not glancing up.

“You seem offly tense for a tired person.” You try to push her a bit.

She finally looks up at you, her expression remaining neutral “Considering your observations, you really think now’s a good time to test me sweetheart?” God you hated when she called you that, she refused to refer to you by your last name, always resorting to some condescending nickname.

You roll your eyes, just as you were about to respond a staticky voice interrupts, asking for anyone available for a call about a noise complaint about two minutes away. Ellie picks up the walkie and calls in saying she could take it and starts the car.

You drive there in silence and to no one’s surprise it’s Mrs. Taylor. She frequently calls at night whenever she hears her teenage neighbors so much as talk loud enough for her to hear. And every time she would make you both walk over to them and ask them to quiet down.

This time though when you got out of the car you could hear muffled music coming from the neighbor’s all the way from Mrs. Taylor’s lawn. You walk up to her door, Williams following silently, and knock gently a couple of times. You hear soft shuffling, a lock clicking and then the door opens revealing the grumpy old woman’s tired face. She’s wearing a long dusty pink robe, striped pajama pants and ratty slippers, clearly she had been recently woken up by the noise.

“Hello Mrs. Taylor.” You smile politely.

“Hello dear.” She smiles back at you, but falters for a moment when she spots your partner, refusing to acknowledge her presence. She used to babysit all the kids in the neighborhood, you were always her favorite. She treated everyone else like they were some sort of pest, especially outsiders.

“Neighbors bothering you again?” You already knew the answer, but you felt the need to be polite.

“I can’t sleep with all that ruckus, rotten children they are. Too bad too, they used to be the sweetest when they were little.” She shook her head.

“Alright we’ll get it all sorted out, you can go back to bed.” You nod your head.

The old woman smiles before reaching forward and pinching your cheek while saying “You’re so good to me dear. Come over for dinner some time so I can make it up to you.”

“Just doing my job ma'am.” You reassure her.

“Well, goodnight. Call me tomorrow morning and we’ll sort something out.” She begins shuffling backwards, and grabs the door handle.

“Good night Mrs. Taylor.” You wave at her and she closes the door.

“God you’re unbelievable.” Ellie scoffs from behind you.

“What?” you turn around to face her.

“Would it kill you to be nice to me like that once in a while?” For the life of you you could not figure out where this was coming from.

“You have to earn it.” You retort, while beginning to walk to the neighbors house. Ellie just huffs and jogs a bit to catch up to you, god forbid you get ahead of her in any way.

You make your way to the house, the bass rattling your teeth by the time you're on the front stoop. Ellie takes her usual spot behind you and you knock loudly, bashing your fist against the door. Hopefully someone hears so you don’t have to make a scene, they weren’t bad kids. Sure enough the music turns off and the door opens slowly revealing a set of scared, round eyes.

“Hey Kelly.” You knew her well from the past complaints, she was pretty polite especially for a teenager. The poor girl was practically shaking. “You probably know why we’re here.” She nods slowly. “Ok, so just do us a favor and turn your music down so we don’t get another call from Mrs. Taylor alright?” you say gently, knowing when you’re in uniform everything about you was intimidating enough without you having to yell.

“Th-that’s it?” She asks, her whole body shaking with adrenaline at this point.

“Yup, just make sure this doesn’t happen again. Shouldn’t have the volume that high anyway, it’s bad for your hearing.” You smile, “Probably don’t want to go deaf by the time you’re 20.”

Kelly just nods again “O-ok thank you. We’ll keep it down, promise.”

“Alright have a good night, stay out of trouble.” You turn away and Ellie does the same.

The walk back to the car is silent except for the steady hum of cicadas. You’re about to put your seatbelt on when Ellie says “So what do I have to do?”

You pause your movements, “What?”

“What do I have to do to earn it?” When you still look confused she elaborates “You being nice to me. What do I have to do to earn that?”

“I don’t know. With the way you treat me it’s almost like you enjoy me being mean to you.” You let out a dry laugh.

She slowly leans towards you, “Oh, I do.” She says, her tone changing completely, her voice becomes raspy and deep, almost like a whisper and a smirk tugs at her lips. “I love making you mad, but something tells me you’re even more delightful when you’re all sweet like that.”

“Williams what-” She leans even closer, inches away from your face and suddenly you forgot everything that wasn’t Ellie. You couldn’t utter a word if you tried.

“Tell me.” Her eyes flicker from yours to your lips. “What.” Her lips are so close you can almost feel her words. “To do.” You let out a sigh and give in, abandoning all logic you press your lips against hers. She stiffens but then her hands automatically move to cup your jaw so she can deepen the kiss. Her tongue swipes across your lips, inviting them to open. You can’t really move, unable to completely process what’s happening. She’s so warm and soft and everything you didn’t expect.

She starts making her way down to your neck, exploring your reactions as she kisses and sucks at the sensitive skin. A small whimper escapes from your lips, and Ellie is sure she’s never heard something more intoxicating.

“Williams-” She finds a particular spot behind your ear that causes you to let out a quiet moan, making you forget how to speak for a moment.

“W-we can’t do this here, you know that.” She stops and moves her head to meet your gaze.

“You’re right, we should probably find someplace where we don’t run the risk of teenagers or Mrs. Taylor finding us.” That wasn’t what you meant but it was probably the first time she had ever agreed with you the entire time you’ve been partners.

--

She pulls off the road into a field and as soon as she parks she immediately starts where she left off. Somehow she knew exactly how to reduce you to a whimpering mess in mere moments. In between kisses she whispers “Take off your belt.” Her tone was so sure and dominant it sent a wave of arousal straight to your center. You do as she says, you forgot you had put on your utility belt for the call, but she clearly took note. You try not to move too much as she continues marking up your skin. She stops again, “Now get in the back.” She doesn’t wait for your response before taking her own utility belt off, leaving it in the front seat and opening her door. It was a little more work in a patrol car considering there were bars separating the front and backseat, but at this point neither of you cared much.

Ellie is first to sit down in the back and shut the door behind her, you do the same and crawl over to straddle her lap. “You feelin a little eager, sweetheart?” She looks at you with that obnoxious smirk on her face, but this time it didn’t annoy you as much as it usually did. You kiss the grin off her face before moving to her neck, listening to her little sighs and moans as you press your lips to her soft skin. The noises she’s making send arousal straight to your aching center and you begin to grind down on her lap, desperate for some kind of relief. She starts taking off your belt with trembling, eager fingers and throws it off to the side. You reach for hers as she untucks your shirt and begins unbuttoning it as quickly as she could, leaving you in your tank top. Your lips meet hers and the kisses grow hungrier by the second, each of you becoming more and more eager to undress the other.

As you begin to unfasten Ellie’s shirt she sighs in frustration, “Jesus christ all these fucking layers are driving me crazy.”

You laugh and say in between kisses, “Gotta make you work for it Williams.” With that she rips off your tank top, and immediately begins groping your breasts over your bra. You moan into her mouth and begin to grind down onto her even harder. Ellie notices and spreads her legs a bit, moving your leg in between hers so you were straddling her thigh. Relief rushes through you as you lower down onto her muscular thigh and begin moving your hips back and forth. She reaches behind you to unclasp your bra leaving your top half bare for her. She can’t resist breaking the kiss to move her focus to your chest, taking your nipple in her mouth with a satisfied hum. A soft whine escapes your lips as her warm tongue circles your sensitive nipples. Her hands have a steady hold on your hips, encouraging you to move against her thigh, harder and faster. Yours have found a home in her hair, tugging harder and harder as your pleasure builds on itself causing Ellie to groan as arousal begins to pool in her boxers.

“Get up.” Ellie commands in a hoarse whisper that sends butterflies straight to your cunt. You climb off her and lean against the car door. The sight of you in the dim moonlight, topless with spread legs and unzipped pants, a fucked out expression on your face almost has Ellie coming right then and there. She unties your shoes and gently removes them, before grabbing the hem of your pants and tugging them down in one swift motion. She crawls between your legs and wraps her arms around each of your thighs, gently kissing a path to your dripping cunt. A wet spot had formed on your panties causing your face to become hot from embarrassment, but Ellie seemed to have a different reaction “God you’re so beautiful, it’s driving me crazy.” She begins teasing you over the fabric of your underwear, running her fingers up and down your slit. A whimper escapes your lips as a silent plea for more, but she continues teasing. She finally pulls the fabric of your underwear to the side and takes a moment before gently blowing on your soaked folds.

“Please-” you manage to whimper as the cool air from Ellie’s lips hits your warm center sending a pleasurable shock through you. You would expect for her to make you beg for it, but she immediately obliged, licking a line from your dripping entrance to your clit. You gasp and grip on to her hair, searching for anything to hold on to as pleasure overwhelms every one of your senses. Ellie groans at the feeling as she begins gently licking at your clit, teasing you. The sound sends vibrations through your lower body and you moan at the feeling, now losing any control you had over the volume of your voice. She begins moving her tongue in circles over your sensitive bud as she teases your entrance with a slender finger. You let out the loudest moan yet, encouraging Ellie to plunge her finger further inside you. It slides in easily, arousal practically coating your thighs at this point. Suddenly she hits the spot causing a desperate whiny “Oh fuck,” To escape from your swollen lips as you clench lightly around her finger. She adds a second, the feeling of her two fingers causes a satisfying amount of pressure to fill your cunt. She hits a spot that you swear sends white light through your closed eyes and keeps hitting it with every rough, slow thrust of her fingers. Your hips begin to move, trying to get her to fuck you harder but she only pins your down by your waist with her free hand forcing you to endure her painful pace. “Ellie,” you whine, “please- I-“ you cut yourself off with a moan.

“What do you need sweetheart?” She pauses briefly to look at your fucked out expression and your arousal has dropped all the down her chin. The very sight almost does you in.

“Please,” you beg her in hopes she’ll spare you the humiliation of asking her.

“Mm mm,” she lightly shakes her head “words baby.” That was a much better nickname, the way she said baby made your cunt flutter around her fingers

“P-please-” you sigh before finishing “-fuck me harder pleasee.” You think that’s probably the most pathetic you’ll ever sound but Ellie obeys. She sucks your puffy clit into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the hypersensitive nub before moving her fingers faster. She picks up speed until you can’t think about anything but Ellie’s mouth and fingers. The pace was practically inhuman, you tilt your head back as a silent scream rips it’s way through you before you moan “fffuuckk,” in a high pitched tone. She continues moving her hands rapidly in and out of you curling them at just the right angle. You begin to flutter around her fingers and she knew you were close.

“Almost there baby?” All you can do in response in moan, she has you practically incapacitated. She giggled a little “Good, come for me.” As her words reached your ears your pleasure finally hit it’s peak. You begin writing against Ellie’s fingers as you roughly clench down on them. Your pleasure rips through you in overwhelming waves, moans uncontrollably leaving your lips as Ellie’s fingers continue their brutal pace. She doesn’t let up though, she keeps going as your clit grows more and more sensitive. You tug at her hair but she doesn’t move, she continues as your hips begin bucking against her arm that was pinning you down.

“Ellie it’s too much I can’t-”

“You can take one more can’t you sweetheart?” She asks sweetly as she fucks your sensitive hole with no mercy. You just nod and she continues sucking and licking at your clit, occasionally moaning which only enhanced the overwhelming pleasure. This time you were more tightly wound up and faster. It didn’t take long before you approached the edge again, the feeling twice as intense. You almost worry as it begins to build and build, just as you thought you had reached your peak it kept going. You finally topple over the edge as Ellie’s teeth lightly graze your clit, the feeling sending you into overdrive. You tugs Ellie’s hair harder than you ever had before as you make a mess all over the seats and Ellie’s mouth and fingers. She laps it all up contently, actually backing down when you pushed her away this time. She leans back into her knees and tries to catch her breath.

A smirk grows on your face as you begin leaning towards her, “it’s your turn.”

—

Idrk how I feel about this but at least I finished it 😀👍

Reblogs and notes are always appreciated and encouraged 💕‼️

Hopefully I will start updating more but I can’t really promise anything lmao

[chelseachilly]

THIS LOVE - epilogue | you come back to what you need

pairing: ben chilwell x reader

rating: T

word count: 2.8k

summary: you and ben settle into life as a couple 🩵

A/N: as promised, the epilogue 🫶🏼 thank you for reading, and i'm going to be working on some oneshots now that this story is complete so stay tuned for more ben content! x

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“You’re telling me I spent months cultivating your public image as a couple only for you to go become an actual couple?”

You hear Ben’s publicist Shreya’s voice coming through the phone, partly because he’s just put it on speaker and partly because you’re laying on top of him.

You’ve been mostly in this position for much of the past week. Ever since you and Ben confessed your feelings for one another, you’ve been pretty much inseparable - unless you’re at work or Ben’s at training, you’ve been holed up at his house ignoring the rest of the world. 

You didn’t make your first public appearance as a couple - a real one, that is - until yesterday, when you attended Ben’s game at the Bridge. They beat Bournemouth 4-0, with a goal and an assist from Ben in one of his best performances all season, and you couldn’t resist jumping into his arms and kissing him senseless when you met him on the pitch afterward. 

Naturally, the photos spread like wildfire over the internet, and although the public was already used to the idea of your relationship, your phone has been blowing up today with messages from your close friends and family who were in on the fake relationship but not yet aware of its newly real status.

You know you’re gonna have to call at least your parents at some point today to explain why there’s a photo of you and your best friend making out in The Sun - although you know they’ll be thrilled, since they already see Ben as an honorary son - but you haven’t responded to anyone yet. 

In fact, you haven’t done much of anything since you got home from the game last night - well, except your new boyfriend.

“Erm, yeah,” Ben chuckles, running his hand over your bare back in a repetitive motion as he talks to Shreya. 

He figured he at least owed an explanation, so he took his publicist’s call to catch her up to speed and let her know that he wouldn’t require her to bolster your appearance as a couple anymore. 

There’s a pause on the other end, and you have to stifle a giggle against Ben’s chest when you hear Shreya’s sigh of exasperation. 

“To be fair, it was the easiest job I ever had trying to convince people you were together, so perhaps I should have seen that one coming,” she says. “Well, good for you, Ben. You sound happy, and you were brilliant yesterday.”

“Thanks,” Ben grins, his eyes glued to yours. “I am very happy.”

Your heart thumps in your chest and your eyes tear up slightly at his earnest, lovestruck expression. You can’t resist shuffling even closer and pressing a kiss to his cheek, followed by one to his jaw, then a few more down his neck.

“Do you want to go over your GQ interview next week?” Shreya asks. “You know, the reason you pay me?”

You’re still distracting Ben with soft kisses to his neck that have made his eyes flutter shut and his focus drift.

“Sorry, I - uh, I’m gonna have to call you back, Shreya. Thanks again, cheers.”

Ben hangs up and tosses his phone to the side, immediately flipping you over and attacking your face and neck with little kisses until you’re giggling uncontrollably. 

“Ben,” you sigh as he’s sucking on your collarbone in a way that you know will leave a mark if you let him. “We should probably get ready.”

As wonderful and perfect as the past week has been, spending all your free time tangled in these very bed sheets and experiencing things you’ve never felt before, Harvey is hosting an event for his clothing brand later that you can’t miss. 

You’re not particularly eager to leave your little bubble of joy in Ben’s house, but you figure you owe it to one of the friends responsible for that happiness to turn up for him today. 

“I know,” Ben groans, his hand travelling low on your back and sending a shiver up your spine. “In fifteen minutes?”

“We’re already going to be late,” you point out, glancing at his watch. “It’ll take an hour to get there and I still don’t know what I’m wearing-“

“You’ll look amazing in anything,” Ben insists, leaving more kisses up your neck, “or nothing…”

“Ben,” you say with slightly more resolve, even though his lips are making it hard to think of anything else right now. “We can’t avoid all social plans forever. As much as I love being alone with you.”

Ben pulls back and you think you’ve finally got him to focus, but there’s a look in his eyes that you recognize all too well from your lifetime of knowing him. It’s the same look he has before a big game or in an argument - he isn’t going down without a fight.

“Please, baby,” he says in a soft whisper near your ear that he’s very quickly learned is one of your many weaknesses when it comes to him. “Ten minutes?”

The other thing about those big blue eyes that you know so well is that they just so happen to be one of your other greatest weaknesses, and when he smiles at you, you know you’re a lost cause. 

“Ten minutes,” you agree, grabbing his face and kissing him again before he can respond.

It’s actually closer to twenty-five by the time you actually roll out of bed, and another twenty when you realize you both need a shower and end up getting distracted once again, so you have to hurry to get ready.

One perk of dating your best friend is that you already have a closet full of clothes at his place, and you pick out a simple dark blue dress that you know looks good on you. As you’re finishing up your makeup, Ben walks into the bathroom freshly changed into a black t-shirt and jeans, and you don’t miss the way his eyes light up at the sight of you.

“You look absolutely gorgeous,” Ben murmurs as his eyes rake over your body in the mirror from behind you. “I’ve always loved this dress on you.”

“Thanks, Benji,” you say softly, putting down your makeup brush and smoothing out the wrinkles in your dress. You can’t help but blush a bit at the thought of Ben checking you out long before admitting how much he fancies you. “Are you ready?”

He doesn’t respond, instead just stepping closer and wrapping his arms around you from behind for a moment. Despite the time crunch, you relax into him and breathe a small sigh of contentment.

You can’t help but admire the sight of the two of you in the mirror, his face buried in your neck and inhaling your scent as you hold his hands that have settled on your stomach. 

“I still can’t believe I get to do this now,” he whispers, echoing the same feeling running through your soul. 

After unknowingly yearning for this for so long, maybe your whole life, it feels so right to finally fall into this simple intimacy with Ben. It feels like coming home. 

You turn in his arms, intending to lean in for a quick kiss before forcing the pair of you out the door, but you instead feel overcome by the sudden urge to wrap your arms around his waist and bury your face in his chest. He hugs you back without a word, pressing a few soft kisses to your hair.

“I love you,” he murmurs, his thumb rubbing circles on your spine. “I’ve never been this happy before.”

“I love you too,” you mumble against his chest before pulling back just enough to cup his face and see your whole world between your hands. “And neither have I. This week has been…perfect.” 

He nods in agreement, letting out a small sigh. “Are you worried it’s going to be weird when we leave our little bubble? I don’t think the game yesterday counts since we were basically apart until you pounced on me afterward.”

You slap his chest playfully and roll your eyes before shaking your head.

“It might be a bit of an adjustment, but not really. I mean, we’ve basically been doing this for months now in public.”

“Sure, but it was fake then,” Ben points out. 

“Yeah, but the feelings were there,” you say, your fingers running through his hair in a way that makes him smile sleepily. “Now I get to love you publicly and privately, and I can’t think of anything that could feel more right than that.”

Ben’s eyes light up before he closes them to dive in for a kiss, his soft lips lingering on yours for a few moments before he pulls away. 

“You’re right, love,” he says. “Now, we should probably go, because the longer I look at you in that dress the more I wanna take it off.”

You smirk and pat his cheek before walking away, knowingly giving him a great view of your arse on the way out. 

-

An hour later, after singing loudly to the pop songs on the radio and laughing so hard your ribs hurt the entire drive to Soho, you and Ben are standing in the crowded restaurant where the launch of Harvey’s new fashion line is being celebrated. 

A bunch of your friends are here, all of whom are enjoying this opportunity to tease you - with love, of course. 

Tom caught you stealing a few kisses in the corner of the room less than five minutes after your arrival, so you probably deserve the teasing. Plus, you’re so happy that you don’t care. 

After circling the room a bit and congratulating Harvey, you’re now chatting with Anish and his girlfriend Hannah in a booth. You have lots of room, but you’re still pressed to Ben’s side, his arm around your shoulders. 

As he and Anish chat about the clothing line, you’re content to just listen to Ben’s voice and enjoy the warmth of his body against yours. You occasionally press a kiss to his jaw and he’ll stop talking for a moment and smile at you, which makes you want to do it again. 

After a while, Hannah suggests going to get another drink, and the boys nod in agreement.

“I have to use the loo, can you grab me something?” you ask Ben, and he nods and pecks your lips quickly before heading over to the bar.

After using the washroom, you’re eagerly making your way back through the room to find your boyfriend when you bump into a familiar figure.

“Ryan?”

Ryan, the well-dressed man standing before you, just so happens to be your ex. You went out for a few months two years ago before ending things fairly mutually and amicably.

You’re surprised to see him for a moment, but he does work in the fashion industry, so it makes sense that he would be here.

“Y/N, wow, it’s been ages,” Ryan says, giving you a quick hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good, still working at the hospital,” you say with a smile. “Are you still at the magazine?”

“No, I actually moved to Paris, just in town for the week visiting some friends,” he explains. 

“Wow, Paris!” you remark. “That’s amazing. Do you like it there? Are you seeing anyone?”

“Of course I like it, it’s Paris,” he chuckles. “And yeah, I just moved in with my girlfriend Claire. You?”

As if on cue, Ben comes up beside you and presses a kiss to your cheek before passing you a gin and tonic, your favourite, with a water for himself in his other hand.

“Here you go, babe - oh,” Ben’s face falls slightly when he sees who you’re talking to. He was never a fan of Ryan, often calling him pretentious or making fun of how artsy he was, though looking back now that may have just been jealousy. “Ryan.”

“Well, that answers that question,” Ryan says with a small smirk. “I have to say, I’m glad you two finally got your shit together.”

“What?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I mean, it was painfully obvious you were in love with him back when we were dating,” he elaborates. “You never stopped talking about him and you saw him more than you saw me.”

You can’t help but blush a bit when Ben looks at you with a slightly raised eyebrow, despite the fact that you’ve literally spent the last week demonstrating exactly how in love with him you are.

“I think you might be exaggerating-“

“I seem to recall you cancelling a date more than once because Ben had a ‘bad game’ and you needed to go round his and cheer him up?” Ryan laughs. “I hated football before that, but it really solidified the hatred.”

Although part of you wants to laugh, cry, or scream at yourself for being so blind to your feelings for Ben, you do also feel a tinge of guilt for dragging guys like Ryan along before you figured things out.

“Sorry about that,” you say, leaning into Ben’s arm that is wrapped protectively around your waist. “It took me a while to realize what was always right in front of me.”

“No worries, it worked out for the best, yeah?” Ryan says, raising his beer to you and Ben. “I’ll see you around, cheers guys.”

As Ryan walks away with a smile on his face and Ben pulls you closer and presses a kiss to your temple, your guilt is replaced by a warmth settling into your chest - everything really did work out. All the wrong turns and detours along the way just led you back to where you always belonged. To Ben.

“So, you never stopped talking about me, huh?” Ben says after a moment, and you can hear the smirk in his voice before you turn to look at him.

“Oh my god,” you roll your eyes, playfully pushing him away and shaking your head. “I literally confessed my undying love for you less than a week ago, you arse.”

Ben just continues to smile at you, setting down his glass so he can wrap his arms around your waist. 

“You’re cute when you’re obsessed with me,” he murmurs, his thumb stroking your hip just enough to drive you crazy. 

“And you’re cute when you’re jealous,” you retort, smirking slightly. “He has a girlfriend in Paris, just so you know.”

“I was not jealous,” Ben insists with furrowed brows. “How can I be jealous when my girl is soooo in love with me-“

You shut him up with a kiss, partly to get him to stop talking and partly because you are in love with him and hearing him call you his girl has reduced your brain to mush. 

You don’t know if this will ever stop - you doubt it - but every nerve in your body is electrified as he kisses you slowly, pouring every bit of love and desire he feels for you into the kiss. It’s not the most passionate one you’ve shared so far, being that you’re surrounded by people, but it’s soft and sweet and more than enough to make your knees go weak and your thoughts blur.

“Ben,” you mumble against his lips, forcing yourself to pull back. “We can’t make out in the middle of Harvey’s work event.”

A small pout forms on Ben’s face, which is so adorable that you have no choice but to peck his lips once more.

“How about my car then?” Ben suggests, a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Ah, is that why you insisted on taking the Range instead of your flashy new sports car?” 

He nods, gesturing to the car park just outside. “Lots of room in there.”

As much as you don’t want it to work, the thought of what Ben is capable of doing to you in the backseat of his obnoxiously big car is too tantalizing to resist.

You glance around the room to make sure none of your friends are watching before nodding. “You get ten minutes, Benjamin.”

“We’ll see about that,” he grins, grabbing your hand and beginning to drag you toward the exit as you try to contain your lovesick giggles.

As you climb into his car and then into his lap, exchanging messy kisses that are interrupted by your smiles, you can’t believe it took you so long to get to this point. Sure, it’s still kind of terrifying to jump headfirst into a relationship with the person who has been your person since you were kids, but it’s also thrilling.

It’s the beginning of the rest of your life with your best friend, and you have a feeling it’s going to be a very happy one. 

a/n: please let me know what you thought! i hope you all liked the ending :) tag list: @captainwans @amandaaa1025 @bbygrlllllll @ncentic @lunamelona @kathb59 @cinderellawithashoe @batmansb1tch @myheartgoesvroom @chillymountsjess @babygirlbenji @delicateearthquakellama @joyfullyswimmingface @xxenia14 @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @chilwellspulisic @maraudersmap123 @evelinapurmale @freekoalakryptonite

[aswrittenbyaj]

dance for you

pairing: riri williams x Black reader (feminine) summary: it's the first home game of the season and majorette dancer riri is excited to hear the roar of the crowd in the stans. too ad her number one fan is stuck working. wordcount: 3.1k warnings: rated 18+. minors dni. cursing. not beta’d (that’s a warning in itself). let me know if i missed any! dedications & credits: originally inspired by dominique getting ready for carnival in a couple videos that @axailslink posted a few months ago. hbcu!shuri and hbcu!riri live rent-free in my mind so i went with it. not gonna lie yall, i'm not the happiest with this, only because it was supposed to be longer. every time i tried to expand on it, it just didn't feel right to me which is why the ended may feel a bit abrupt. there might be a part 2 in the future (or a stand alone that could be read in connection to this), but for now, i hope you enjoy.

gif conversions, divider, and banner by: me

she looked so fucking gorgeous. 

it was a little after five when you arrived to riri william's on-campus apartment, smirking up at the small yet advanced security camera she had rigged in place of a key. though you were a little skeevy about facial recognition and have your face scanned into the ether, you trusted her...and you loved being able to pop in and out of her place whenever the desire was there.

you didn't have much time before your six o'clock shift, this weekend being mandatory for all bartenders and not to brag, but you were one of brimstone's best. hell, you should've been. you had worked there since you were a freshman, unable to drink, but more than capable of keeping the liquor flowing and charming your way into extra tips.

ending the door, you headed towards the open bathroom door, your feet stopping as did your heart the second your gaze landed on the beauty that was your girlfriend in makeup. your approach had gone unnoticed, riri's eyes closed as her best friend viv continued to pat the beauty blender up her cheekbones, across her forehead, her back to you. 

"oooh, bitch, i'm scared of you," viv had said, giggling as she put down the orange sponge egg, grabbing the setting spray.

a fine mist sprayed from the clear matte bottle, giving your girlfriend's skin a dewy cast. white teeth flashed between nude painted lips as she laughed, the sound your favorite melody. 

you shifted in your position, leaning against the door frame content with watching your shawty get pampered in peace. she didn't always do this. between her classes, "side hustle", and working on her inventions, riri rarely had the time to press pause on life that was long enough to take time out for herself. honestly, the only time she really allowed herself to get dolled up, outside of date night with you, was during football season.

as a fly girl, a majorette on your university's dance team, there were certain level of self-maintenance riri was required to sustain and while during the off-season that meant she was focused more staying conditioned for the next season, the end-of-summer through winter window was when your girlfriend spent more time (and your money) getting her face beat, her hair styled and her nails filled in. 

not that you were complaining. you would never complain about doing something that made her so happy, her inner glow was physically visible to the naked eye. you be able to provide that for your girl? it made you feel favored and fortunate. 

except on nights like tonight.

though subtle, your shift in movement caught her best friend's attention, eyes glancing up at you through the mirror before going back to the task at hand, rocking her weight back onto her left leg.

"looks like i ain't gonna be the only one scared tonight," she said, swapping the setting spray for a black and white circular hand fan, viv flicking her wrist back and forth, the gentle flow of air speeding up the makeup application drying time.

"whatchu mean?" riri asked, her head tilting slightly, perfectly scuplted brow quirking in interest.

"'cause with the way your girlfriend is lookin' atchu right now, anybody try to step to you tonight finna be scared for a whole 'nother reason."

you couldn't help, but laugh, throwing your head back; first, because of viv's commentary, but as always, your attention was never too far from riri. she chuckled before her friend's words fully interlocked cohesively in her mind, eyes opening immediately, knowing exactly where to look to connect with your own. your pink tongue dragged across the plump of your bottom lip as you settled into the full intensity of those brown eyes focusing on you. 

"hi baby," she said sweetly, soft smile spreading into a wider grin. 

it was clear from the alertness in her eyes, she hadn't expected you to stop by. honestly you were pushing it pretty close since it was a ten minute drive to brimstone, and you still needed to head back to your apartment to shower and get dressed, but if you were stuck working all night, surrounded but a bunch of horny, drunk, and high people, you damn sure were gonna make sure you saw your baby first.

hopping down off the bathroom sink counter, she side-stepped viv, arms immediately wrapped around your waist. careful not to ruin her best friend's hard work, you nudged her chin up, full lips coming down to press against hers, supple as always. 

"hi beautiful," you said, pulling back just enough to mumble the words against her duo-tone lips before capturing them with your own again.

"uh, yeah, girl, i'll meet you downstairs in like twenty minutes."

you barely heard viv as she grabbed her things and left, your attention solely on the young woman who had captured your heart a year and a semester ago. her hands toyed with the hem of your shirt, fingers brushing against the velvet of your skin as your hands shifted  to the sides of her head, fingers threading themselves in her microbraids. 

you pressed your lips against hers a couple more times before pulling back a few more inches to just look at her, taking her in. she used to hate when you did that, stared at her like she was the most precious thing in the world, as if just having her here proved the existence of magic and miracles. 

these days, things were different, her gaze now a mirror, reflecting back a love so deep you could free fall in it and never touch to bottom.

"you so damn pretty," you said, shaking your head slightly as if her beauty were an insult, lips curling upwards into a smile at the way she beamed at your compliment.

"thank you mami," she said, leaning up to press a kiss to your jaw before letting you go, turning to clean up the leftover mess on the counter. "so...how long are you mine for?"

her tone was played casual, but you knew how to see beyond the dramatic lightness of her words.

"forever and a day, but..."

you approached her from behind, hands brushing the terry fabric of her robe as they wrapped around her waist.  you buried the rest of your statement in the space between her neck and robe collar.

"...unfortunately i have to leave in, like, five minutes ago."

"right now? are you serious?" 

you didn't even need to glance in the mirror to see the downturn of her lips though she revealed it to you, half turning in your arms to meet your gaze.

"you really can't make it tonight?"

you sighed softly, the slump of your shoulders obvious. you hated to disappoint her.

"i wish i could." your bottom lip poked out for a second, mimicking her pouty facial expression. "brian's making everybody touch the clock this weekend and since i didn't work last night..."

your voice trailed off, hand on her hip smoothing down over the curve of her ass as you leaned back in for another kiss, this one searing with memories of just how the two of you spent your night off. you weren't the only one still drunk off recollection, a throaty moan vibrating against your lips the second they touched hers. 

all too soon, you pulled apart, a sigh falling from between her painted pout, and not the kind of sigh you loved to coax out from her.

"but you have to go."

you could see her trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice, the urge to kick yourself growing stronger.

"i have to go," you confirmed, the hand on her chin moving down to mimic your right, ten fingers splayed against the soft cotton covering her ass. "but text me where you end up after the game. i'll come find you after my shift," you promised, eyes staying locked on hers for a moment longer, waiting for her nod in agreement. 

her eyes fluttered closed as you pressed a kiss to her forehead, right hand coming down to slap her left ass cheek, the contrast in action drawing a gasping giggle from her and a smirk from you as you made your way out her dorm apartment's door.

yeah, you made a mistake coming in to work tonight. it wasn't that it was boring, not per sé, but at 7 o'clock, it was still pretty early. the only people at the bar were those who couldn't get tickets to the game and with a stadium who's capacity sat at 20,000 people, that number of fanatics without was relatively low. 

still, you weren't bored. you'd just rather had been somewhere else. 

like at the stadium cheering your hbcu's football team on at its first home game of the season...and watching the love of your life shake her ass with a touch of class in the sexiest uniform you've seen in your four years of attending. 

the worst part about it was that you hadn't even seen riri wearing it in-person, instead only getting 8-second glimpses of it on the social media stories of her dance sisters. the last one had been a casual version of the fly girl sway, complete with attitude poses and your favorite thing to see her wear, a smile.

fuck, you had to get out of here.

it took you two beer replacements and an appetizer sampler platter to come up with an easy, but fail-proof way to get out of a shift with a guy like brian. it wasn't hard to find him, the older man hiding away in his office, no doubt watching the game's live feed on his laptop.

your knuckles rapped sharply against the door twice, your boss' head snapping up immediately as if he had gotten caught doing something forbidden. he was so busted. you coughed once to hide your amusement.

"uh, hey brian, i know i just clocked in like 2 hours ago, but i gotta go home."

if anyone knew how to frown with their entire face, it was brian. even his nostrils seemed to display disappointment in your words. 

"and why exactly is that?"

"it's personal."

"so is having a job and working your intended shift to totality."

how you didn't roll your eyes at his bullshit was beyond you. instead, you looked away, left then right, weight shifting back and forth as your shuffled on your feet. after the moment of awkwardness you purposely created, you peeked up at him, grimacing.

"so my cycle just started and there's bl-

brian's work-weathered hand came up to stop your sentience from continuing to completion, just as you knew it would. this was a fifty-four year old man who took his tmi very seriously, which made it pretty easy for you to exploit in emergencies like this. 

"just go, but i expect you to prepared to pick up some extra hours next weekend."

the not-so-veiled threat barely made it to your ears the way you rushed back down the hallway, feet squeaking against the titled floor as you narrowly missed a busboy in your haste.  you rounded the corner of the small break room, using the term "room" loosely.  deft fingers spun the silver combination lock, the tumbler dropping the base so you could pull open the creaking metal door and grab your backpack from the bottom. yanking at the ties of your waist apron, you pulled out the folded bills from the front pocket, the meager tips you managed to earn in the almost two hours of your shift, before shoving the apron and your lock into your bag. 

a loud clang sounded in the room as you closed the door, your feet already in motion towards the entryway and then out the back door.

you contemplated whether or not you should change before heading to campus, your work uniform of black jeans and a black fitted black t-shirt not the worst fit in world, but still nothing close to your usual style. a glance at the clock on the dash told you that if you wanted to see riri's lithe form dancing her heart out, the outfit change would have to wait.

it was a good thing you decided to skip it, too, since the parking lots were full. the packed side streets and grass lot parking had you wishing you had finally gotten your motorcycle license.

turning the block the stadium was on, you could hear the roar of the crowd. you wanted to believe it was for your school, but since the opposing team's school was only two hours away, it wouldn't have surprised you in they had fans attending by the bus-load as well.

just as you were able to say "fuck it" and risk parking in front of the two-hour meter parking you knew was located a couple streets over, a bright orange sign caught you attention, the word "media/press parking" in bold, black block lettering. a smirk formed on your face as you cut your wheel in the new direction.  

the roar of the crowd near deafening as the home team gained 20 yard, only 10 more yards to go to widen the score gap with less than two minutes on the clock before half time, . squeezing through the slow walking and talking bodies, your hand gripped tighter the canon dslr camera that hung from the leather strap adorning your neck, backpack straps trapping the "campus media" badge and lanyard close to your chest.

you had never been so grateful to have joined the yearbook club a year ago, an extra curricular supplement to your photography minor. the navy blue and platinum silver badge pretty much let you get behind the scenes of any school event, which you used to your advantage, flashing the plastic card at the security guard blocking the tunnel gates before slipped past him.

you carefully maneuvered your way along the sideline towards the home team's side of the stans, grateful the that violence of the game was taking place at the other end of the field. it would be just your luck that you got all the way here just to get tackled by a defensive player trying to take down a running back. 

honestly, you couldn't care less about the game, about the screaming fans and the hyped up players near the bench waiting to take their turn on the turf. your eyes searched the stands, instead, easily landing on the twelve dancers sitting poised, one leg crossed over the other as the band behind them transitioned into a new tune.

holding up the camera, you took a few test shots of the fly girls, thumbing quickly to adjust the settings before bringing the viewfinder back up to your face. you couldn't help but zoom in, catching candids of your girlfriend as she waiting for the dance captain to start her lead-in. 

glancing over your shoulder to be sure you were still in the safety zone, you refocused on the task at hand. since there were already other campus photographers on the sidelines, you technically didn't have to get photos of the game, but you weren't going to break cover now, not after you busted your ass to get where you were standing in the first place.

you snapped another photo, looking down at the digital screen with a frown, not exactly happy with the aperture priority.  fiddling with the dials, you glanced up at the stands again, head bobbing as your eye caught the dancer next to riri giving her a nudge and pointing in your direction. speedily, you lifted the camera back up to your face, index pressing down repeatedly as you captured her reaction to your presence. shifting the weight of the camera to your left hand, you raised the right, returning her enthusiastic wave before catching the kiss she blew at you with a smirk.

riri was literally glowing.

the energy in the air was electrifying, supercharged, after the Bruisers took the W, keeping them undefeated at the start of the season. thankfully the teams, band, and dancers were allowed to clear the stadium before the fans, event staff such as yourself following behind.

leaning back against the sleek black of your audi r7, you settled in to wait for riri to exit the blue double doors. honestly, you didn't mind letting the thousands of people fight their way out of their spots and onto the road. you were in no rush, giving a polite smile or wave as familiar faces as they cleared the press lot.

the slight bite of the cool breeze stroked against the bareness of your arms, your hands sliding back and forth to warm them despite the perfectly working heaters on the other side of the car door. just as you were about to give in and sit inside, the petite woman emerged from the double doors, her eyes scanning the busy lot until she found who she was looking for.

you.

it was as if a switch had turned on, the way riri brightened up the moment her eyes landed on you. a smile stretched wide across her face. legs kicking dramatically behind her, she half-jogged in your direction, both hands tucked into the kangaroo pocket of her oversized h---  wait, that was your hoodie. as well as your sweatpants, tied tight to her waist though still baggy on her hips.

"you missed me that much you had to steal my clothes?" you asked, pulling her into your arms.

leaning into her, riri's back bowed slightly as you pressed your full lips to hers, arms pulling her in closer as your lips traveled to her chee bones, her nose, her forehead. her laughter stole her breath as she gave it to the wind, pearly whites to the sky as she grinned.

"well i didn't know if you were comin' or not so i had to do what i had to do." she shrugged, eyebrow quirking as she stood bold in her truth, in her blatant desire to have you close.

"well, i'm here now so no substitutes needed, aight?" your hands slide away from her as you moved to open the passenger side door for her. "so where we headin'--yours or mine? i know you prolly wanna shower before we hit up some parties and i damn sure ain't wearin' this shit out tonight."

eyes never leaving her frame, you watched riri glide into the front seat with the gracefulness only a dancer could have. 

"we can head to yours. i think my 90's lakers jersey dress is over there and you got the perfect jordans to go right wit em too." 

there wasn't anything to say to that, nothing to do but to chuckle and shake your head as your fingers pushed the door closed. there was security in the way riri was so confident in her ability to just assume your things as hers. pride would swell in your chest seeing her swimming in your clothes, her healthy appetite and habitual exercise routine aiding in the appearance of her natural petiteness. not to mention that shit turned you all the way on.

it never felt unappreciated in the way her presence carried over into your personal space, not with the way the invitation was always mutual.

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

This is technically a continuation of this post!!

-x-x-x-

prohero!bakugou who's been gone on an overseas mission for months with no contact to those who he left in Japan

any down time he's got he's at least reading through the texts he gets

a few from his mom, a couple from his dad, maybe a handful from his friends about all sorts of random shit he may or may not care about

then he's reading all of yours. He'll read all the new ones, then if he's really feeling his Emotions(TM) he'll start rereading everything

he'll also catch up on his voicemails, even if he doesn't have very many because most people know he won't listen to them or he'll go into his mailbox and just start mass deleting

but he does listen and keep all of yours

i mean, why wouldn't he? he asked you to do exactly what you've been doin everyday since he left

highlight of his days honestly

he's convinced that its the daily messages from you that help keep him off the next flight home- it sort of eases the urge to just go back home

but he does the mission from start to finish and when his date back is finally set he's itching to get back to familiar sights, soil, smells and the place where you are

but even when he knows when he'll be home, he still has no jurisdiction to tell you that

he'd have to wait until he's on the plane back home or even landed before he could whip out his phone and speed dial your phone

when he's packing his bag for his return trip, he's never been so disorganized in his life

when he packs for trips, he always prefers to separate everything. all his shirts are folded, his pants are rolled for optimum space, boxers are neat with his socks, toiletries are sealed in a waterproof bag and placed as flat as can be

now?

he's thrown all his shit inside the case and made it fit by force. squishing it all down and pinching the zipper together

he did not care if the zipper busted- he was ready to go the hell home

the entire flight home he was jittery. leg bouncing, finger tapping, arms crossed

he tried sleeping to pass the time, but he couldn't seem to calm down

most of the returning heroes who were coming home with him didn't even try and strike up conversation to make the flight go by quicker in fear of him snapping at them out of sheer impatience

when the plane finally lands, he's first off the plane and first to bag claim and first out the door onto the familiar streets of japan

"holy fuckin' shit," he's mutter, finally feeling relaxed before whipping out his phone and texting you

-wake up-

it was the middle of the afternoon and he didn't know if you were even home or asleep, but it was the only thing he could think to say strangely enough

-you can text!!-

he chuckles as he pulls his suitcase along with him against a wall. standing in the shade, he's attention is solely focused on his phone

he's glad you responded so quickly

it's been so long he couldn't remember your schedule anymore or if it had changed since he left

-i can do a lot more than that-

without much more prodding, your contact was flashing over his screen and he waits maybe a second (if we're being generous) to answer and push his phone to his ear

visibly exhaling when you start talking

"katsuki!"

"you don't need to shout, stupid"

"i'm excited, don't shout shame me. where are you? it's pretty loud over there. meeting? are you supposed to be on the phone right now"

he chuckles at your skeptical nature- like he'd break rules on a big time job in the first place

he's not that stupid

"i'm at the airport, i'm not gonna get my ass railed for being on my own damn phone"

despite his cursing, you laugh

then you register 'airport'

"you're coming home?!"

"nah, babe, i'm already here. come get me."

"what?!"

he barks at the sounds of your rushing around the house, probably scrambling to slip on the easiest pair of shoes you have and a jacket

"i'll be there in like 10 minutes. 20 is traffic is bad!"

"the traffic is always bad"

"i'm hanging up!"

he could hear your excitement before the line cuts and he's grinning before he's sending small texts to his friends signaling his return

when he sees your car pull up to the curb, he's pushing off the wall he's been resting against and you're jumping out of the car

he nearly has a heart attack since you didn't look at the road before rushing out and car were just whipping behind you

"moron! watch where you're going!" he's shouting at you as you run up to him

his grip abandons his suitcase handle to grab you as you ran straight into his chest, clinging to him as he took steps backwards from your crashing impact

his eyes almost rolled into his skull at the feel of you in his arms again after so long

he was positive he'd finally be able to have a good nights rest tonight, he can feel it in his exhausted bones

you pull away from him just enough to look into his eyes and he can see the shine of tears in yours, his hands resting on your hips just enough to sway you back and forth

"welcome home," you greet him

"yeah," he kisses your head "i'm home"

and he wasn't going anywhere else anytime fuckin' soon

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Hi friend! Hope your end of the year is going well, and that you're drinking enough water.

You said that your asks were open and empty, and yooo, do I have a few questions my ADHD brain forgot about. 😂

One, I remember seeing a couple posts from you about deities and entities, and I was curious about your general experience with how you connected with them. Don't want to pry, but curious about the process you went through. (It's my next subject of study after I finish a tarot project)

Two, what things (witchcraft related or not) do you like to do at the end of the year?

Three, what is your least favorite misconception about the witchcraft community, and why?

And four, favorite source (like a blog, yt channel, book) for spell, tips, etc?

This reads like more of a "get to know you" vs anything specific, doesn't it? 😅😂

Ooo, I'm gonna have a lot to stay here, so I'm gonna break out my fun post dividers that I make over on @jasper-graphics to help split things up!

How I connect with deities is interesting compared to all of the 101 posts I see about deity work. I build an altar, verbally introduce myself once, and then proceed as though they're definitely already there. I'll use divination such as tarot to interact with deities and interpret messages, because I fucking love tarot.

Other than that? As long as I feel like I'm getting a go-ahead, I'll just go ahead. If I don't, I'll thank them for their time and put things away - sometimes some of the stuff will go to other deities, but otherwise everything gets put in a box together in case I need to talk to or work with that deity in particular again.

I just fucking rest at the end of the year. I don't care about "preparing for the new year" or "saying good-bye to the old year" in any way. I just have to remind myself to use the right year for a good couple of months while I get used to the forward march of time.

Boring? Yes. Do I care? No.

I don't like any of the general ideas of the witchcraft community, even back when I was a witch. I don't care for people calling us all Wiccans, or all dark, or all "black magic users" (which is SUPER RACIST btw), or all soft and sweet, or that we all follow the Wheel of the Year...I just don't like stereotypes, even if they're "accurate" to myself or others.

That's why I'm a wizard, not a witch. I gave up on the whole thing because I was tired of having to scream not all witches at Generic Wicca Is Witchcraft Is Wicca Book #347.

I have many favorite sources for ideas. I tend to hoard posts on @jasper-grimoire, but I'm a big fan of the following things:

Books:

Grovedaughter Witchery | Bree NicGarran/@breelandwalker

Ozark Folk Magic | Brandon Weston

Queer Magic | Tomas Prower

Morbid Magic | Tomas Prower

Do I Have to Wear Black? | Mortellus

honestly most of the books in the beginner magic section of my bookshelf

YouTube Channels:

Annabel Margaret | The Green Witch (same person, two YouTube accounts)

The Witch of Wonderlust

Chaotic Witch Aunt

I'm also becoming fond of The Stitchin' Witch, but that's one of those channels where I have to speed up the voice.

I watch a few more magic/tarot YouTubers, but I keep yelling at them to get to the point and to script their videos because they stumble over their thoughts, repeat things over and over, or fill their speech with "uh" and "um". It's YouTube, you can edit your videos before you put them up, I promise-

Ahem. Moving on.

Tumblr Blogs:

@crazycatsiren

@will-o-the-witch

@serpentandthreads

@stagkingswife

@traegorn

@windvexer

@breelandwalker of course

And more, but once you follow all of these people, you can look at the recommended blogs on their pages and go from there. Go observe their posts and read their masterposts. Give them your money if you can. They do so much to better this platform and the magic community as a whole and deserve to be supported.

Hopefully this gave you a bit of insight into what I consider to be pretty decent things! Above all, be respectful.

~Jasper

[michygranger23]

Hello everyone!!

Wanting to start this by saying Happy New Year!! (some of you may already be on 2024 already, I'm still a few hours behind fhxyicyi)

So! I know I haven't been very active recently this past couple of months, and I apologize for that!! Irl has been very very busy, and adding that to me planning the content that I want to post to my account was already time consuming, BUT!! I have some few announcements for 2024 that hopefully you guys will like!!

For one, at the end of January I'm going to start college!!

Hopefully this will help me out with improving with my art and my speed of doing it too!!

Second, remember those Disney AU's I've been talking about? Yeah well, I'm going to make a fic collection about them :D!!

My goal is to make long fics with pos! Discduo in different Disney movie scenarios that I've already talk about here and put them all in a collection!! And this would include me making art for the fics too!! I want to make art of my own fics and include them in it and also just to draw the scenes that happen in them as a way to promote them in my social media!

So I want to leave a poll (at the end of this post) to see which fic you want to see first! (All of the options will be done at their own time, and I already know which one to do first, but I want to see your opinion too!) (In the meantime that I write the fics, I'm still gonna make their Tumblr posts to talk about them from the previous poll! Just not with spoilers ;D)

You can also suggest me other Disney movies to turn them into discduo fics too in the hashtags/reblogs!

Third, yes I'm still continuing the discduo Vampire fic dw hehe, I've just been very busy irl but I will update it with the third chapter this next days!!

Fourth, in a couple of days I want to make another poll to see if you guys want to see a fully fledged fic for my discduo Spider-Man AU!! I started the AU by just improvising the story as Tumblr posts but I want to see if you guys would be interested in reading a full fic or if it stays as just Tumblr posts!

Bonus to the previous point, I'm still gonna make fanart for the AU with the options of that poll I did some time ago about the designs for the Spider people!

Fifth, I'm going to start making art for the Canon DSMP too!! I'm very late to the party with that but idc since art doesn't have an expire date lol and I also want to make my designs for the characters since I've been itching to do that for a while now!

Sixth, my main fandom is DSMP and Discduo, but I also like other medias and have my own OC's too, it's even stated in my introduction post, but I haven't follow my word through that so I want to change that! I will start posting about my other interests here with reblogs from other accounts, fanart of my own, etc. (My content will mainly be about DSMP with Multi-Fandom and OC content at the side in resume jgchichi)

Seventh, going alongside point five, I'm gonna start making fanart for the Life Series/Hermitcraft!! I've loved the Life Series since last year and I started watching recently Hermitcraft, so I want to make my own fanart of those too!!

In conclusion, I just want to start posting again since I miss it and posting whatever I want and what I'm most passionate about.

And that's it!! Thank you all so much for the love and support this year and hopefully you are all aboard to the ride I will make in this year!

Happy New Year and 2024 everyone :D!!

(Remember that you can suggest me other Disney movies you want to see in the fic collection!)

[solunstell]

Artistic life sucks rn. I am out for summer break so I'm pretty lethargic cuz I don't remember or am too lazy to take my medicine, so no energy to art. And when I do, I can't. I can't do traditional cuz the lights in my room are terrible, and the only other option is to go outside and sweat on the page and have a heat stroke. And I can't do digital because my computer is on the other side of the room as air conditioner, so heat, and my tablets cord is bad. It's been bad since like a month or two ago, and I didn't realize til now that's what was wrong cuz I can barely go over there for more than a couple of minutes before getting hot and frustrated (and, for me, frustration easily makes me overstimulated). And my phone data is too slow for the payment to go through to buy the new cord, so it'll be at least a few days before I can buy it. Then I gotta wait for shipping. And then I'll still have the heat.

When the cord does get here, either I'll have moved out already and gone to the dorms AND HAVE BETTER AIR! or I'll have my dad help me move my desk to in front of the bathroom door (we never use that door, and won't for a long time).

Anyways, when I get back to art again, it'll probably have a quality drop due to lack of practice. And it'll probably never be as often as it was during high school, but probably like single digits of my followers were around when I was in high school lol.

I haven't been on tumblr much, but I've been active on reddit. I am starting to lose my hyperfixation on bsd, and I'm not sure what's gonna be next. I am a bit hyperfocused on satoru, suguru, and toji from jjk, but not to the extent I was with bsd. I've been reading a lot of shorter mangas when I have high speed data, but none of them are popular enough to become a hyperfixation. Feel free to talk about manga with me I love to ramble!!!

This is just a ramble/update. In other news, I've been enjoying playing stardew valley. I just gave Elliot a bouquet. I have one item left for the community center that I have to wait for summer for unless I can snag it from the merchant fellow. My favorite character is probably shane

Anyways, final note, free palestine, and vote blue.

[feuqueerfire]

Triage Live Blogging

Been meaning to watch this since it was released around this time in 2022 but there was such a debacle with the airing, like airing for a 2 hour window on Youtube before it's taken down lol I hope I like it, I enjoy time fuckery and seeing the one you love die over and over again in front of you.

From what I've seen, everybody seems to have really, really liked this except maybe some messiness (?) at the end.

Ep 1 (May 1)

wait... the doctor addressing the other guys as Nong... didn't see his outfit properly but is he a college student? I hope he is, I want age gap yay

18th July, 9PM

ah, so the nong was speeding and ran into a motorcycle

I've been made aware of the clock saying accurate time...

oh he's still a student in his final year of residency, so not as big of an age gap as if he was already a doctor

so the Intern is below P'Tin and she had to have completed at least 6 years of M.D + gotten license and is currently doing her internship, so Tin must've done all this already? I don't fully know what the steps are to become a doctor, esp in Thailand

Nong is 22 years old

I wish the subs were easier to read, especially since it gives like medical info and background

ah, both of them passed away... (at 10:55pm)

Ah, seems like Tin's sister had previously been in an accident because of a drunk person (and she died I'm guessing?)

who is that security guard, hm

oh, he went back to 9:50PM, does he only get back to this time or gradually earlier and earlier? or maybe he gets to go through more of the time and into the next day(s) before he's back into the cycle?

how do you even do your work as a doctor when you're in this situation lol

"If you want to escape this whirlpool, you have save that kid." - the security guard mans

Jinta - chief of court of justice of heaven or smth

omg uncountable number of loops, I would've said fuck it and tried to off myself fr

cat named Zebra

2 Years Ago: the accident where his sister presumably died

yeah, i expect resentment that he's in this loop to save this random kid but wasn't given the chance for his sister

ah, he thinks the kid deserves to die, not surprising

He now woke up at 7AM of that day

pls mans faked fainting instead of doing the test, i was wondering what's up with the sudden funny music

oh, he wakes up where he fell asleep at the time he previously fell asleep there

dang, if the kid dies 2 months from now, will Tin go back into the loop? but probably won't come back 2 months earlier right, just to the last time he slept at some place

so funny, he went to a college to some random kid and told him you will die tonight and the only way to survive is to never die

Pretty interesting so far, I'm excited. I actually don't know how romance-heavy this is but I know we get at least some romantic moments

oh spoiler, I think I read something about in the end, the other guy gets into the loop? Also... is there something about organ trafficking?

Also, the comments here mentioned the drama with OffGun fans, I remember I was into OffGun at the time after Not Me and followed some fans and bruh, they were so cagey and acting as if this show was the devil. lol whatever

Ep 2 (May 1)

ah, Tin wants to return to his hometown to work

Nong guy rich and beautiful and good student and a model and good at sports? I was gonna say let's kill him but instead we're trying to save him...

oh, Tonnam is here, named Sing. when will his Sci-Fi Wish You Luck series come out?

loll Tin's killing technique of just pretending to be dizzy/faint/whatever

Warit?

pls he really went to tell him about dying tonight and in front of friends too

I can't tell if they're hinting as a P'Sing/Gap side couple

Wonder what's up with Tol's girlfriend? something about some guys joking? and what's up with the bag?

getting into the car with him loll

fun exchange but i get Tin's frustration like wtf is he even supposed to do? i guess he should find some sort of proof that he's indeed in a loop, like figuring out what's gonna happen and telling it to Tol

Ah, some bastard did something to his gf Mai?

c'mon, translate what he's writing, idk Thai

Jinta's here to remind Tin about consequences and butterfly effect, so maybe this time Tin'll actually succeed in saving Tol for tonight? but maybe have fucked up something in his own life

Who is this Warit? esp in relation to Sing? I wonder if Sing's also in a time loop with target Warit or no?

okay he didn't react with recognition when Tin asked Sing how he'd react if a stranger came to tell him he'd die tonight, so I guess he's not in a loop

oh, is Warit somebody Sing thinks of as his little brother?

Warit died because of Tin's actions?

Ah, Tin was able to treat Warit but Sing wasn't? Which is why when Sing took over for Tin, Warit died?

ah... missing kidney? Organ trafficking...

So he can return to a previous day as he wants? idgi like how's he gonna go to the 17th?

Ep 3 (May 1)

girl, I'm already on ep 3 and I started this in the afternoon...

pls Tol is waiting for just oneeee hint that Tin's with whatever dudes and he'll beat the shit out of him again

plsssss Tin's so silly, mans has Tol's account in his Facebook history and knows that Tol's suspicious of him but still handed it over to become friends. fr stressing me out

aw, poor cat

Tin giving Tol his white shirt and doing his best to not look as Tol changes lol

ah, Warit is Fluke (ex-GMMTV, My Gear Your Gown)

Professor Sak, Director-to-be, probably smuggling organs

oh, we're straight up asking if Gap's secretly in love with Sing lol

pls, the way Art's acting as if insinuating that Tin and Tol fucked, which is why Tol's wearing Tin's shirt now like girl... Tol has a gf?

The teacher told the students about somebody attempting suicide?

idek their age gap but I'm into it, idkidk

aw, Tin's gonna take care of Tol's cat

as soon as he said sorry to hear that, Tin should've jumped in like "AND THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER DRIVE WHILE DRUNK OR PICK UP CALLS OR BECOME DISTRACTED !!!!"

Tin lowkey already falling for Tol like okay

lol Tol accidentally telling Tin to marry him by telling him to find a wife that's close to him

hm... Doi is working with Sak and Mai's asking Doi about her mom... are they harvesting Mai's mother's organs or something?

Who is Tol's father? Doi refers to him as Khun Tol. oh wait Sak's friend's son right

Tol uses 'ter' with Mai

bruh, Tol's pride making it so that he throws Mai a party and pressures her to attend it despite her wanting to spend time with her sick mother... Are they gonna make Mai be a bad person or something?

Ah, he has his friend Fang who knows Tin likes men? I didn't even know fully if Tin knew he liked men lol but I guess it makes sense based on how he acted around Tol but didn't get freaked out about his feelings/attraction

pls it makes me so nervous whenever Tin tells or almost tells Tol about not going/dying/not driving, whatever. at least it's a consolation that Tol's gonna die and not remember the weird shit Tin pulls? it's lol in the worst way

Mai's contact named Heart... assuming that's not Tol?

Throughout the whole ep, as Tin and Tol became closer, I was losing my mind at how you become closer to somebody knowing that they're a high chance they'll die tomorrow. Not only is Tin becoming friends and closer to Tol but he's gonna fall in love too.

Ep 4 (May 2)

ah, Mai's Heart contact and her are taking a break, so not necessarily cheating? Actually a break isn't the same thing as a break-up umm

omg wait... she's using Tol's status and money to take care of her mother... i get her lol

there's so much happening in this loop, will we have everything be undone? Like progress with Tol but also the stuff with Sak (and him saying 'deal with Warit' to Doi) and also Tin with his friend. but maybe this loop will have Warit die because of Doi's meddling, so next loop Tin'll stop Sing from barging into Sak's office

oh tin, at least pretend to check what's wrong with the patient(s), now Doi is like hmm did Tin already know about our plan to mess with Rit?

nervous meeting for both Sak and Tin

omg... okay Tol wasn't drunk but this time him, Art, and the motorcycle grandpa all got into the accident

Tol dead again and Art in a coma

oh? Something revealing in Tol's autopsy results? In the r/boyslove on-air thread for eps 1 - 3, somebody mentioned that maybe Tol and Tin's sister have a connection, like maybe Tol has his sister's organ or something in him, maybe that's what it'll reveal?

Sak behaved weirdly with a case of an uncle 2 months ago...

Sing becoming jealous/possessive when Tin's affectionate with Gap lol

in the hallucination, Tol says "please take care of my heart for me" okay... heart hm

ah, Tol had a heart failure, okay everything's pointing to issues with the heart

I wonder what Sak had told the autopsy guy in that call right after Tin had asked for the autopsy results

I don't care about Manner of Death or MaxTul, so this was just awkward for me lol

girl why are you driving right now, be fr

bruh yeah scary why drive

Ep 5 (May 2)

A new loop begins: June 17

lol incredibly specific questioning and diagnosis in a coffee shop just after hearing that Tol gets somewhat tired about playing soccer but i mean if it works, it works

"It's not gonna hurt, is it?" oh girl you've died so many times now

bruh these fuckers blamed another student for cheating? and the prof irritating af for just being like yeah Warit i believe you're the cheater cuz I found it near your desk

bruh, the cheaters said that they saw Warit cheat?

but what's up with the previous loop where the girl and the guy were talking as if Warit made them pass (through cheating) but Tol didn't know what that was fully about? like the girl stopped the guy from speaking about it to Tol?

agh, are they gonna make it be like Tol somehow had no idea about the cheating or about copying Warit's project idea and somebody else in the group did it?

Tin still believes in Tol and that he'd feel guilty for doing the cheating stuff to Warit

Interesting that Sing and Fang are independently suspicious of and are kinda investigating Sak and Doi. good that not everything depends on Tin (well Tin was even defending Sak at the beginning 2 months ago with the Uncle's case)

her other boyfriend coming to save her from the debt collectors, yikes

what was the name of the patient Dr. Fang checked? Was it Mai's mom and the medicine Doi & Sak are assigning her?

hehe in this iteration, Tin helps out Tol and gets a nice Tol who trusts him. they're cute. i'm sad that this is gonna be over and Tol's gonna die and he's gonna go back to step 0 while Tin will be stuck in a loop still

I think there's a tiktok that I've liked for Triage and it begins in this clock tower but idk if they're up here in another iteration too

no way Tol leaning in that far lmfaooo he was crowding in fr. they're doing too many face shots and I didn't realize just how much Tol had leaned in

Tin is familiar to Tol? Y'know Gap also said something about the situation earlier was familiar... would people kinda realize that they've lived this before/they're in a loop?

omg, Tin's trying once again to tell Tol about the time loop

omg klasdjflaksdfj kl;asdfj ahhh kissing Tol to stop him from leaving ahhhhh

So did Tol's cat not get injured in this version?

I'm impressed that so far, the story hasn't gotten boring and despite us going through similar scenarios or reveals, the show doesn't quite feel repetitive. They're changing up the scenes enough and finding newer questions or answers so that each loop gives something new.

Ep 6 (May 2)

I wish I had the patience to savour this show and watch like 1 ep, maybe max 2 eps a day.

pushing him off and leaving, as expected

omg, the reason Mai was dragged out by the guy (her real bf lol) from the party was because he was at the hospital and realized Doi and Sak had drugged Mai's mother (to kill her and likely harvest her organs) and so wanted to take her there...

these fucking doctors not calling Mai directly...

omg Tol seeing boys kiss and remembering Tin kissing him...

wait, Tol just had a memory of that car crash? even though he hasn't experienced it yet?

Ah, Tol finally believing it's not the first time that they're meeting/he's dying in front of Tin. I saw a gif when looking for ep 5 gifs of this moment

From Tol getting flashbacks to his previous death and now finally believing this loop thing, I wonder if he'll kinda remember stuff in his next loop?

lol Sing and Gap push and pull

Ahh, Tin crying that he doesn't want Tol to forget about him anymore

June 19th

I wish there was a way for them to realize the overlap that the woman who was taken for the surgery is Mai's mother, then talk to Mai and the guy about her condition last night

lmfao Ton and Tin childhood connection

ah, Tin now finds about the Mai and her mother in the hospital connection

ah, the guy's name is Heart lmfao I thought it was an endearment

sorry they can't make me hate Heart. i get Tin being disappointed but not angry at her because idk her actions are understandable even if immoral

bruh organ trafficking right under everybody's noses + caught on CCTV

They fucking killed Fang or what omgggg... crazy. okay at least Tol is dying soon so that we can restart the loop cuz omg

oh? Tin doesn't remember things right away? "The longer I turn back time, the longer it takes me to remember everything"

oh he wants to back a week to June 11

Also, I realized Jinta reminds me of the story in Dead Friend Forever, hmm is this a common name for Thai supersition and stuff?

Ep 7 (May 3)

23.5 Episode 9 is out since it's Monday but I kinda don't wanna watch it right now? I might just finish out Triage in the next 2-3 days and then watch the next 23.5 episode. Since it's like a regular high school drama, feels like I don't feel the urgency to really know what's gonna happen next.

oops I've been saying June but it's July 11

Tin trying to remember everything and make a to-do list and here's one that needs Tol to fall in love with him lol

Aw Tin, Tol would def fall for you lol

hilarious to have Todo #3: Tol must be Tin's boyfriend

they're so awkward (as they always are at first), i'm crying

Tol's mom (Pang) is so pretty

wonder if Tol's dad would be involved in this at all? I assume they just know each other and isn't into the organ trafficking

why is Tol's dad negging him in front of Tin lol so mean

ah, they're in Chiang Mai

must be wild to be falling in love with Tol but 1) he doesn't remember you 2) he doesn't like you 3) he's gonna die if you don't save him

Gap keeps remembering that Tin asks Sing to switch shifts with him everytime lol

he ain't gonna let the tutoring go

klasdfj pls "I just miss you, that's all" i love him just inserting himself as a love line

Tol is a real jackass fr

hmm Dear... is Tol jealous of her with Tin?

Ep 8 (May 3)

heh jealous Tol

ah, she's Tin's ex

"But I don't have anybody in my mind yet na" *sparkly music*

damn we see the full scene of when Tol drowned

ahhh Tol being the one who asks to spend time with Tin for a change by asking to see Seudam

spoiled enough that as a college student doesn't know how to even crack an egg, oh Tol

okay they're gonna retcon some of Tol's assholery right? Cuz he's quite a dick from what we assume but they might not want the literally romantic interest male lead to be that way

Ah, Tin encouraging Tol to do the right thing (assuming about the cheating thing tomorrow when they blame Rit?)

I've seen the first shot at 16:00 when they're tutoring in the beginning of an edit too

damn, not even any situation of them deciding to have Tin stay over and sleep in the same bed?

ah, Tol dreaming of drowning that one time but also dying in past loops

Tin telling Tol that it's just a dream. I wonder when (or if...) Tol will find out and believe the loop thing, will it be in this loop or a future one, if at all until he ends up in a loop himself

hm... Rit and Tol and Art making up

okay Tol changed this loop to defend Rit and say whose it is (and he didn't cheat this time, so didn't have to face any consequences himself). wonder how it'll play out since there have been some pretty big changes for Warit since the original loop and they now kowkey have enemies in Pair and Win (?)

girl, don't tell Tol on the phone?! meet up face-to-face

hope the extent of the cheaters' revenge is just exposing Mai having a bf

aw man, are we gonna have Tin having Tol wait for a long time or what?

omggg agh I wanted to have Tin tell Tol about it but now Pear's sent Tol the photo of Mai and the guy agh

and thennnn he sees Tin with his ex my goddd give Tol a break, he decided to not be an asshole to Warit + is having nightmares about his past deaths and the feeling that he's gone through everything already. pls

I know that before in the original loop(s), Tol knew about Mai and some guy but thought it wasn't her cheating but that he came to bother her or something? And this is different than that case right? Cuz in previous scenario he found out some other way, not through Pear's photo as revenge?

Tol waits mournfully in that clock tower while Tin's battling possibly Rit's uncle (Sak stole his nephew's kidney) who is wielding a knife at the hospital and then gets stabbed omg

I saw in a gif when looking for ep 8 gifs... are they kissing next ep? Also saw a post that started with "This better be the last loop" so I'm guessing Tol dying again rip

Ep 9 (May 3)

I... have so many things to do that I should be doing instead of watching the next episode. man...

"I wonder if Tol can hear me in every loop" that's wild

Is Tol upset that he didn't get any calls from Tin?

Dr. Fang, you're everything

damn, the knife uncle killed himself (or was killed more likely) in prison

Don't you worry that Sak's gonna off Warit too?

I get Sing wants to get to the bottom of this but girl, how would you ensure Warit's unharmed? Fang died in a previous loop, man

I like Sing/Gap but not during serious moments

dang just straight up going for Sak's computer

A full day has already passed? 17th already

They don't translate what Win wrote on his post

Jinta such a shipper like "oh you're here? Tin can't use his hands but has to eat" *wink* and Tol does indeed feed Tin

oh, we're going straight into "yeah you die in every loop and i tried to find the cause"

Less dramatic leadup and explanation and disbelief than I expected

damn, pinky promise, well Tol better not die tomorrow/18th

nawt fuckass Pear and Win aughhhh let's kill them

ahh Rit pls don't go against Tol right now cuz that's just another hurdle in the loop T.T esp don't team up with the hellish pair to do it

omg why Heart become scary and throwing things D:

Tol eager to have Tin in his house again lol Toi enjoying overhearing

Ow man Tol... being nice to Mai is fine but don't start it up with her again please

okayy Tol not getting back together with her

aw breakups suck even though neither of them even romantically like the other

damn, they're sleeping in different bed/couch now and then having a discussion before sharing the bed, where was this last ep lol

damn, talking about past loops and deaths in bed

"We both will have a bright future together"

heart beating so fast Tol wonders if he'll have a heart attack but he might just be playing it up as a little hint/tease lol

kiss yay !

Tol's probably gonna die next ep and it'll devastate me fr because they're like... in love now.

Wait... I'm going through this ep's gifs and maybe?? next ep is the one where Tol wakes up in a loop? omg... I thought it'd be like the last ep or 2

Ep 10 (May 3)

The fourth episode of the day oof

hmmm Tol reading Tin's diary... he wouldn't be mad about seeing becoming Tol's boyfriend on the to-do list right? I feel like he should see and be preoccupied with the organ trafficking

omg?? okay, in the ep 9 (I think) reddit on-air, somebody was like this scratches the itch if you wanted more Fourth/Beam in 2moons and I didn't understand what they meant because I didn't think Fiat, Tonnam, gap's actor were in 2moons. but turns out it referred to TaeTee omg? I didn't know they were in 2moons as a tertiary couple lol idk why it just blew my mind, so they're literally a side couple getting a main show, that's crazy idk. I think I especially didn't realize because Tae had Paint With Love with Singto, so I thought Tae/Tee was a new ship after that.

aw going back to sleep beside Tin and cuddling kind of and watching him sleep, so sweet

it's the 18th

Doi got to the flash drive first...

everything is so nerve-wracking like on the one hand Tol's got this party for this project that Rit's gonna be sabotaging with Win and Pear's help and on the other hand, Sing and Doi are onto Sing and Gap, and also now 1) this sus dude entering Tol's party... is he gonna end up doing something to Tin/is gonna try to do something to Tol and Tin will step in like with that uncle when he got stabbed? and 2) this nurse with a syringe? is it for Mai's mother?

okay, I think Art is thankfully gonna be useful and get through to Rit about how two-faced Lukpear and Win are.

back hug

me and Tol both dreading this night

omg Tin pinky promised Tol that nothing bad will happen to him... the chance of Tin dying by stepping in front of Tol gets likelier and likelier

not Mai texting Heart again smh c'mon girl. I believe you'll be fine without a boyfriend

girl, so much shit going down. injection in the mother, Sing and Gap captured, random dude on Tol's tail + Lukepear taking things into her own hand once Rit tries to leave

hope Sing and Gap took the guns at least

wtf is this gun wielding fucker even doing bruh

omg mans shot Tin

that blood splatter across Sing's mask is crazy

losing my fucking mind at Sing still continuing to pump Tin's lung (?) after everybody else has stopped because he refuses to believe it

Sing deranged being like "Tin, you're okay, right? Tell P'Toi you're fine"

bruh i was wondering if time of death would end up being 10:55PM and indeed...

aughhhh everybody mourning

I wonder how Tol's time loop is gonna start because I'm assuming he's been sleeping? ig they haven't started yet to really let the death sink in

Tol randomly calling out for P'Tin omggg

Also, what happened to Mai's mom?

omg it's been weeks after Tin passed

Tol actually does sound like he's lost it, asking around about Jinta who nobody knows and now saying that he knows a way to bring back Tin by getting Jinta to turn back time omg poor baby :'(

omg not security T.T

well at least he's found Jinta

the last third of this ep is devastating fr, makes me wish I hadn't known about Tol getting into the time loop and such so that everything would be more heightened

reading the on-air threads is making me realize... I wonder what time Tol's gonna go back to, would he go way way back before Tin learned about anything? Someone also said ep 4 "ghost" Tol who asked Tin to take care of his heart was actually time loop Tol, which would be a cool hint

Anyway, the show is so good so far, I'm nervous about the fact that I've heard the last few eps get kinda wonky or too messy/fast. I really hope they don't fuck up the ending omg

Ep 11 (May 4)

Final 3 episodes, thinking I'm gonna finish it today, so excited, I'm hoping I love the last bit too

omg? Tin actively learned that class to tutor Tol to get him to not cheat

omg not Tol being the one who initially hurt Mai accidentally with the vase

Jinta is really an angel in this universe ig

ahh the ep 4 dream Tol

July 14

Tol's gotta fix the stuff himself now, starting with not taking credit for Rit's presentation

damn, Tol's giving up his position in the group to Warit, though I just hate Lukepair and Win and don't trust them

Okayyy Tin's coming back but without memories, let's go

Tol wanting to take the deal only if he's the one who ends up dying this final time instead of Tin (though idk if Jinta'll grant him that lol)

now it's Tol's turn to be a random stalker-like dude who knows all about Tin and is very presumptuous and pushy heh

aw, dream Tin giving Tol a notebook of everything that happened in the loops

"We will never be together, right?" TOL DONT SAYYY THAT

lmfaoooo a kiss can remind the other person a bit about past loops, that's hilarious

okay, now Tol's also gotta be involved in the organ trafficking investigation stuff right because that's a very important aspect of these loops

Sing's boyfriend lol that's what that one textpost I kinda saw that mentioned 'they started dating off-screen' was talking about

...Tin's not working for Sak in this loop, is he? IS HE?! D:

or Tin just doesn't care about his job and patients in this loop after his sister's death

okay and Tol got Mai to move her mother too

lol Sing and Gap

pls Tol is actually just a stalker now

I was nervous that Tol was gonna just go and kiss Tin and get punched but then he couldn't even do that because Dear showed up

2 more episodes...

I like this comment talking about how Tin was also callous and careless in the first episode after Tol came in. It's not that Tin being changed and cold now in this timeline is that different than what he was like in the original timeline first few loops. Similarly, this comment about "How do you know if Tin would be the same Tin if he didn't meet you." 

Ep 12 (May 4)

damn, Dear and Tin randomly both there at the clock tower, thinking the other called them there? and also they apparently hadn't met in a long time... so not dating, still exes?

ah, Tin's confused about some sort of romantic connection and thought it was Dear that he's missing?

plssss Tin previously asking Fang to help hit on Tol and now Tol doing the same

omg we've moved on from dates to countdowns. 60 hours left, 2.5 days

bro use the fact that you've got some heart condition to at least become Tin's patient, c'mon

pls not Nong Dear being there too and Fang somehow siding with Tol over her

throwback to that dinner with family when Tol was on his own phone the whole time

poor Tol doing the same hopeless shit Tin did in his earlier loops but my guy gets just one chance ahhhh

omg, magic notebook where the writing can be seen by Tol but nobody else

idk if the lesson should be to keep pursuing him lol like obviously Tol will because of reasons but Fang doesn't know that

oh, Mai and Heart are pursuing legal action against Sak?

damn, Sak's gonna try to get somebody else's organs now so that some other fuckers help him get off the hook on his trial

lmfao yep, everybody who's doing a case against you turning up dead wouldn't be suspicious at all

Tol's mother is sooooo pretty

ah, the tutoring session once again, starting with the same shot. though now Tol's scheming to kiss Tin

Tol's attempts are so awkward I'm dying, esp because Tin's awkward attempts or ones that went wrong results in Tol's death soon enough and it's like whelp, doesn't matter cuz Tol doesn't remember but this... it's different. it's going on for days on end and is the finally loop, so Tin will remember

pls not fake drowning, i'm dead wtf Tol, guess he's hoping for a CPR kiss?

"Get up when you want to, then" I'm alskdfj;alskdfj;lkasdf this is so awkward i'm dying

A tiny heart-to-heart sort of

Tol is actually the funniest person, what is this strategic kissing while asleep + pretending to have a nightmare

ah, he managed a kiss + Tin is now slowly remembering things

damn, Tin REALLY doesn't wanna go against Sak

Sing and Gap are cute enough but don't know I want too much of them in the midst of this high-tension stuff

Tin, be fucking serious and do not fall for Sak's tricks

Jinta does hint that maybe the reason Tin's so callous about life in this universe is because Tol doesn't come into his life and the loops don't change him/show him to value life

hmm the notebook is "super cheating if you know how to use it"

naurr fuckass Doi getting to Rit

lol Sing and Gap's storyline where Sing mentions gel/lube. Today Wandee Goodday was released and apparently that also mentioned lube, interesting to have it happen twice in one day for me when that's like rarely ever mentioned in BLs

oh wtf Doi has Rit hostage in Sing's apartment?!

The first half was kinda more comedic and relationship-oriented but I enjoyed the latter half more when things started getting a bit more serious.

I probably get what people mean about the last ep being fast and chaotic, seems like there's so much left for a 48 min ep

Ep 13 (May 4)

Finale, I hope it's intense and coherent and romantic and good

Gap, DO SOMETHING don't just stand there and listen to Sing and Doi showdown through the phone

pls not Tol getting excited af at getting the pulse, he's so... baby

omg i thought he was just gonna hug Tin but he kissed him??? pls

visions when they kissed

Tol's so excited asking Tin to kiss again

Tin remembering more about the loops

I hope Gap's lying about not having told anybody cuz then what was even the point of the phone call

idk what Warit texted Fang but maybe it's about Doi, who knows

who is Chalongchai? Is it the guy who shot Tin in the last loop?

not Tin and Tol getting fucking injected

girl, 5 minutes left ?!?!?!?!?!

Ah, Tin remembers but doesn't realize that there will be no loop

this fucking unhinged Doi is way too much girl gtfo why'd you inject Tin >:(

The piano at like 31:55 reminded me of We Best Love I think? Crazy that I can remember it. though it actually might be from the OST from it that I added to my playlist

damn, Tin in a coma. at least he ain't dead

wait, Tin appears at the clock tower just like that ??

plsss I was like Tin has Got to be kidding, he must remember right? it's too late in the episode, he's just faking Tol out but it went on for so long that I was like ? damn, maybe miss girl really doesn't remember

but indeed he does

aw, it ends just like that :( i wish there was just a bit more. i guess ep 9 was the one that had the most lovey-dovey moments between the two of them

was that after-credit scene a teaser for Euthanasia or whatever? The Maxtul Manner of Death spin-off that is unlikely to come to fruition?

I never commented on it but I guess Tin's wish to save Tol when they were kids really had a part in this loop?

This last ep hmmm it was good but somehow felt messier than the earlier loops, which felt move tightly woven together and better written? Like this is the type of writing that put me off of Manner of Death where things didn't feel quite rational, like the Sing and Gap and Doi stuff, or Doi in general going off the rails, or the random kidnapping in the hospital, and then Tin being in a coma for months and months until meeting in the clock tower on a random day. They wanted the last ep to be fast-paced and intense and that's fine but it wasn't as coherent as some of the earlier episodes.

Overall:

Great concept, mostly great execution (especially the first 3/4 like until ep 9 or 10), strong character building. Enjoyed unveiling more and more through each loop and seeing how situations and people changed through them.

Very commendable that despite it literally being time loops, the show didn't feel repetitive, they timed things well. I could've done with a little more romance but what little there was of them actually being together in like eps 9 - 10 were very cute.

I'd thought that they were the same age or similar ages for some reason but Tol is at least a few years younger than Tin and I liked that. Also omg in the last loop last few eps, I was thinking that wide-eyed, bumbling, eager, kind of naive Tol reminded me of Yeowoon from Love for Love's Sake after he softens up and turns out there's even an edit for it on tiktok lol so I'm correct.

This also makes me more excited for 4 Minutes and Spare Me Your Mercy, also Sammon novels because I found Manner of Death to be underwhelming and frustrating with how... stupid everybody was. This had more intelligent characters and I liked the plot better since it didn't fall into the "somehow a show about abuse women face but we only focus on male characters"

Rating: 7/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I've watched in 2024: 7 -> 6.5]

[reflections-of-mobius]

Type: Plot Progression Universe: Sandstorm Location: Jade Hills

Not a day before, the couple's home had been an absolute mess of a place.- Letters coating the living room's small table and the empty bookshelf. The floor was coated in various layers of paint and shoe prints, the kitchen a mess of dirty dishes- the rest of the home hadn't faired much better, the only saving grace being a burning candle, its scent keeping the place away from a total disaster- but only just.

"I'mma start a load'ah dishes... Y'bout done with the floors?" Node's question was given towards a veritable whirlwind that was tearing through the house, blue streaks suddenly screeching to a halt. There stood their boyfriend, fangs gleaming with his signature smirk.

"Almost! I'm gonna do a round of mopping before we leave." Bless grinned. "You ready to train, Sunflower?" The mobian hummed, his shoulder bumping against Node's playfully. Node rolled their eyes, a gloved hand gently shoving the hedgehog away. Bless internally shivered at the feeling of hot water seeping into his fur, almost instantly beginning to cool. He had the audacity to act hurt, a whine escaping the speedster at the push. "That hurt!~" His voice was full of playful teasing.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be ready- but will you be ready to eat my dust?" Node's faint smirk only had Bless grinning wider. The last dish clinked as it was set into the dishwasher, officially freed of grime. Words uttered only in Bless' presence, and in no others... While Node hated competition... Some of Bless' own competitive streak had rubbed off on them over the years- not that they'd ever admit.

"Nah~. Pretty sure you're the one who'll be eating my dust." And in a split second, Node was outside- the wind whipping at their fur. They laughed.

"Hey!" They spun, only to see Bless brushing his gloved hands against one another, a familiar bright-blue board and a pair of electric-yellow anti-gravity skates leaning against the house's wall. The metallic edge of both devices nearly glittered in the sunlight- freshly-detailed, even though they'd been in the closet for quite some time.

"We'd better get going. Don't wanna keep Tails and Knuckles waiting!" And in another second, Node was scooped up into Bless' arms. Even in his Day form, he was still strong enough to easily lift the fox. He nuzzled his nose against their own, taking off at sonic-speed for the practice track.

Node chuckled. They leaned their head against Bless' chest, listening to his heartbeat as a blue-and-yellow trail burned behind the pair. A faint unease rested at the back of their mind- but they paid it no mind. After the last few months... It would be nice to get their mind off of everything going on, if only for a day.

So, with the house (finally) cleaned, a load of dishes rumbling away, and the letters all sorted to read over the next few days, feeling the wind dance along their fur and the sun shining bright in their faces...

The two could finally relax.

"....next time, I'm detailing the gear." A single peck to Bless' lips stopped what probably would have been a refusal. "...but thank you, Blue."

"....no problem."

[cripp-tid]

holy. shit. that's... yeah!!! yeah! you were SUPER on the money. lemme go through and tell you what resonates and why:

Heirophant: I'm planning on converting to Judaism in the next couple years (or, I guess maybe this year, if the cards are any indication???). also, I recently reconnected with my father, and I've been meaning to communicate with Hades for trauma related reasons. plus, I'm transmasc, so I've been dabbling here and there with who I want to be in terms of what I want to present to the world. the fighting against my family/traditions is probably referring to none of my family really approves of the reconnection I mentioned. I also run @plural-affirmations , which definitely brings awareness to different forms of plurality in a way I didn't entirely think was possible /pos :3

Star: I'm pretty sure my parent's anniversary was January 17th O_O I'm also trying to like, open up more? you mentioned being the star of the show... I think it's possibly about showing who I really am without being afraid anymore, y'know?

Lovers: I love apples, they're my favorite fruit... I wonder if that was my grandma who passed on a few years ago :')) I miss her. I guess I'm gonna start eating apples more!! Gemini season happens to be partially during my worst trauma month (May), and I end up emotionally leaning on my fiancé a lot during then too.

Strength: MY EX FIANCE WAS A BLACK MAN WHO IS A LEO...... this legitimately made my jaw drop. we had a HORRIBLE falling out, so it's been really rough for the past year or thereabouts. I sincerely hope he doesn't end up contacting me again, but if he does, this reading gives me hope that I'll be able to handle it /gen

Tower: I'm a Scorpio, my best friend in the whole world is an Aries, and I have in fact been having a real hard time with trauma related to both of us lately... this is blowing me away. holy shit.

King of Cups: the masculine presence that's important to me might be about my dad again? not sure. Poseidon is very interesting though, and we& are definitely going to look into that /gen . also, I've been trying to be more in tune with my emotions like you mentioned. and the "rock" for your partner... oof. my fiancé has a very old cat she's super close to that's been having health problems, and we're thinking she (the cat) might not make it to this time next year. I hope this isn't the case, but it's the vibe I'm getting </3 either way, you're absolutely right again /pos

The Fool + Six of Pentacles: I'm really excited for what these cards mean. I'm trying super super hard to get my education up to speed and go to college finally, so I hope it's about that :3 "check your email" is ... O_O. ominous yet somehow comforting LMAO. and the Virgo part could be referring to my other best friend who I need to contact more often... much to think about.

all in all: holy fucking shit /pos. all this without knowing a single thing about the situations mentioned... you have a gift!!! you're awesome at this! wow!!! /gen :D

thank you so so so much for this! it helped TONS (/VERY MUCH GEN) and i have a much better idea of what 2024 has in store :3 happy new year!!!!! much love, thank you again 💙

Free New Year reading for @cripp-tid !! 1 / 4 !!

From left to right: The Hierophant, The Star, The Lovers, Strength, The Tower, The King Of Cups, The Fool & Six Of Pentacles!!

The Hierophant: Immediately when I& look at this card & when I'm& getting a feeling for & tuning into your energy, you may be dipping your toes into your masculine energy, whether that's purely on energy alone ( as everyone has masculine energy inside of them, regardless of gender, sex or orientation ) or experimenting with your gender expression. The Hierophant usually refers to tradition, it could also represent faith or religion. A paternal figure, whether it's your actual father, or an uncle or a grandfather or a male relative like a brother or male cousin or.. maybe even a religious figure or maybe even a masculine deity that you're currently working with or will end up working with ( it doesn't necessarily have to be a man, anyone can possess masculine energy regardless of gender, sex or orientation ! ), may be significant to you. Maybe you could be converting to a different religion or if you're already in a religion, you could be connecting more to that faith. Alternatively, you could be fighting against a more traditional viewpoint in your family or local surrounding area whether that means literal or through subtle means. You could be raising awareness about an issue that many don't know about. I& usually don't get this type of energy coming from The Hierophant, but you could be getting more into activism. This is a really weird vibe I'm& getting and this is completely random because I& usually don't get this kind of energy around this card, but if you're going to a protest this year irl, be careful & follow the rules of the protest and make sure to keep yourself and others safe and also wear a mask. obviously. The number 5 or the 5th of a month could be significant to you, something may happen to you in 5 days. You could be expecting something to happen in 5 days or 5 months. Taurus rules this card, so it may be significant, you could have Taurus placements or someone else that's important to you may have those placements, something could be happening in Taurus season ( April 20th-May 20th ). This is an upright card, so I& think this is a good sign for you for the time being. Good luck w/ everything !!

The Star: This appeared in the 2024 collective reading, too, so it's really nice to see it again here for you !! I& feel like especially in the start of the year, you're going to feel more hopeful, a new opportunity may be coming towards you. I'm& not exactly sure of what exactly this is, but if you feel like it'll be a good opportunity, seize it, don't let your mind make a bajillion excuses !! Aquarius rules this card so Aquarius may be significant to you, whether you have it in your natal chart or someone else that may be significant to you might have those placements or something could be happening in Aquarius season ( January 20th-February 18th ) which actually isn't that far away at all, it starts in, like, two weeks from now. The number 17 could be significant or the 17th of a month may be significant; something could be happening in 17 days. This is random but I'm& getting that literal stars may be significant. You could be getting into astrology or studying space. This is extremely random and I& usually don't get messages like this when it comes to this card but since y'all are a system, I'm& getting a message to let your littles play when they come to front. You could be revealing more of your true colors you may have been hiding to please other people, but you're the star here !! I mean.. we're all in this together once we know we're all stars !! /ref but I feel like you'll have the courage to do more of what you want to do regardless of what other people say or think & y'know what GOOD FOR Y'ALL !!

The Lovers: Something big in your love life may be happening considering this card is upright, you could be spending more time with a partner if you have any which I& think is really sweet !! Apples may be significant to you.. I'm& also getting a hit of "Eat your apples!" so.. I& honestly have no idea where that came from, all I& know is that after I& received this message, I& internally felt a fuzzy feeling so I'm& presuming that could be a spirit guide or an ancestor of yours because those messages do come in at times whenever I& channel messages. Apple pie or an otherwise apple related dish could be significant. The number 6 could be significant to you. Gemini rules The Lovers so that could be significant to you, whether you have those placements or someone else who's important to you does. Gemini season ( May 21st-June 21st ) in the late spring to early summer could be significant. Honestly, this one seems more on the nose in comparison to most other cards listed here, so if this applies to you, especially if already you're with someone romantically, I'm& really happy for y'all and wish y'all the best in the romantic department !!

Strength: oh boy. i& don't mean to say that you'll be one of god's strongest soldiers in the year 2024 but i& feel like at some point this year you're gonna have to be resilient. you're gonna have to try to be chill & have compassion for yourself bc someone may be testing your patience. I'm getting a random hit that if someone deserves it and someone's been bothering you for a while, you're gonna have to tell them the truth straight up no bars held back no tea no shade no pink lemonade. You could also be more proud in who you are as a person. This card seems on the nose, too, honestly. Leo rules Strength so Leo could be significant, whether you have those placements or someone who's important has those placements, Leo Season ( July 23rd-August 22nd ) could be significant. I'm& taking a more literal interpretation here as well but maybe a Black man could be significant. Lions, maybe lion symbolism could also be significant to you. With that said, I& think it's a pretty straightforward message. Good luck w/ whatever this is !!

The Tower: okay so. i don't mean to stress you out or scare you bc I know a lot of people get all nervous when The Tower pops out in the upright position, but i& have to be honest here, and i don't like to sugarcoat my readings because it'll lessen the accuracy of my readings and it'll only harm you further. i& tell what i& see as i& receive the messages from your spread, and i& don't control what comes through or what messages meant for you to hear so, like, don't shoot the messenger. tarot doesn't always tell us what we want to hear, but rather what we need to hear. so. the tower means unexpected change or chaos, but it's a change that's meant to happen. I'm& not exactly sure what exactly this is, I& genuinely have no idea what this could be, but something will happen and it may shock you or alternatively you may be expecting it, but whatever is falling apart is meant to create a stronger foundation. It's kinda like building lego blocks. If the lego block tower is unsteady and built on an unsteady foundation, it's gonna fall, but you can always make a stronger tower afterward !! Y'feel me?? I& may be delving into sensitive territory here but The Tower can also represent trauma. Maybe you're dealing with something traumatic right now or maybe you think of a past trauma that already happened, I'm& getting a brief ache near my& right temple atm and whenever that happens, that can represent confirmation, and if that's the case, I'm& really sorry. Regardless of what it is, make sure to have a network of friends or if you have a partner, talk to them about it, and if necessary and if you have the means to do so, seek help. The number 16 or the 16th of a month may be significant. Scorpio and Aries may be significant, whether you or someone you know has those placements, Scorpio season ( October 23rd-November 21st ) and Aries season ( March 21st-April 19th ) could also be significant. Whatever the case is, whether it's something that's going to happen, is happening or has already happened, we really wish you well and all the best, things will get better.

The King Of Cups: This is a much more lighthearted card in comparison to the previous two !! You could be more emotionally stable and available. A male or otherwise masculine presence who's comforting may be significant to you. This is hyper specific but the deity Poseidon may be significant to you or someone else in your system. This could possibly represent a protector or a caretaker in your system but I'm& leaving that for y'all to decide. You could be creating more, whether that's art or creating music playlists. You could be learning to balance both your mind and your emotions more. If you're in a relationship, you may end up being a compassionate rock to your partner or your family or friends and someone they can rely on. If you're in a romantic relationship, your partner could be asking you out on a date so you can spend time together. The Cups are represented by water so water itself may be significant, and the Water signs - Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces could resonate, as well.

The Fool: no, tarot isn't calling u booboo the fool. lmao. The Fool represents jumping into a brand new beginning even if you have no idea what's gonna happen on the other side. The number 0 could be significant. you may be really excited that something's gonna happen, maybe you're anticipating waiting for something or someone. You could be trying a new hobby or class. i& have. no idea why i'm& getting this but i'm& getting "check your email". whatever that's supposed to mean, ehehe. Pisces rules The Fool so could whether you have those placements or someone else you know does, or Pisces Season ( February 19th-March 20th ) may be significant, don't be afraid to jump into something new, you never know what you'll find !!

Six Of Pentacles: WHEW last one in this spread !! The Six of Pentacles in the upright represents generosity & charity & supporting others, it can also represent community, so you may be helping someone in need or alternatively someone could be helping you when you need it and you could be receiving that aid so don't refuse it because of pride or you feel you're not worthy of it bc you do !! You could be more involved in helping a community whether it's financially materially or spreading the word. It's also about giving and taking and the balance between the two. You could be in a good position when it comes to your finances so I& say make sure to stick w/ that & to give generously if you can while keeping enough for yourself. You could possibly be going to school or start a new business venture but only take that if that resonates! Earth represents the Pentacles so Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn, whether you or anyone else you know has any of these placements, or their seasons ( Taurus Season being April 10th to May 20th, Virgo Season being August 23rd-September 22nd and Capricorn Season being December 21st-January 20th next year ) may be significant. With that said, this seems like a really great way to end your reading!!

Shufflemancy Song: Sun Bleached Flies — Ethel Cain & The Other Side — Bruno Mars, B.O.B & CeeLo Green.

Additional Notes: I& only did these for you, Roan, but some of this could apply to your overall system as a whole !! You may have a rough patch this year if The Tower is anything to indicate, but I& think you could bounce back just fine, just allow yourself to feel things and don't bottle it all up !! Undoubtedly with every year there's always gonna be ups and downs but for the most part it does seem like things may be going good for y'all !! If any of this resonates with you, you can reblog it & add it in the tags or comment how it resonates, I'm curious to see how this resonated with you !!

Disclaimer: take what resonates & leave the rest, keep in mind that energy and outcomes can always change & nothing is forever set in stone, you have free will in every choice you make !! as a general message: my readings are for entertainment purposes only and don't replace professional medical/legal/business help. feedback and a review after a reading is given, whether public or private, is obligatory. you can do that by reblogging ( only if the reading was made for you specifically ), dming or emailing us privately on the matter. if you do not provide this, you will be added to my greylist and won't be given anymore readings, free or paid, until you give feedback.

decks used: Killstar ( or as we& call it, Memento Mori ) tarot, & GANGSTA. tarot.

[dailyaudiobible]

12/6/2023 DAB Transcript

Hosea 4:1-5:15, 2 John 1:1-13, Psalm 125:1-5, Proverbs 29:9-11

Today is the 6th day of December, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian, it’s great to be here with you today as we continue the journey, the journey we’ve been on all year. And we have a bit of well, I don’t know, what do we have, a bit of ocean, a bit of road, a bit of terrain yet in front of us. We have begun the book of Hosea yesterday; we will continue our journey through Hosea today. When we get to the New Testament, we will, well, we’ll read a whole book. But we'll talk about that in a minute. First, Hosea chapters 4 and 5 today.

Introduction to the Book of Second John:

Okay, so like we said, we finished First John yesterday, we’re gonna read an entire book today, an entire letter. It’s called Second John. And this one was probably written pretty close after the first one. It was probably written to the same people because it's very similar, and it's the similarities that allow textual scholars and biblical scholars to accept John as the authentic author. And since the tradition is that John spent the later years of his life doing ministry in Ephesus, then that would be likely where Second John has its origination, probably written in Ephesus. It's short; we’re gonna read it all, 13 verses. The first three verses will give us greetings, the next three remind us how important it is to love one another. Then three more verses speak against false teachings, specifically Docetism, which is what we were…were discussing in First John. Then a couple of verses give instructions that are different than any of the other letters, these verses advise the readers how they should behave toward a traveling minister who comes into the church and attempts to introduce one of the false teachings, and the instructions are to not bring encouragement or hospitality to that person. And then the letter concludes with its final two verses. And so, we’ll read it real quick. We’ve talked about it more than it will take to read it. And it will be easy to just let it kind of blur because it's so much of the same territory between First and Second John. But let’s just remember, let’s just imagine. First John arrived, the people read it, they began to live into it, they began to find encouragement in it and then they began to find challenge and discouragement in it. And then this second letter arrives, maybe a couple months later, and brings that boost, brings a clear reminder of where they're supposed to be aimed, and gives them encouragement in their hearts to love one another. And that would be the posture we take now, as we read Second John.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. And even as, even as the year speeds up for us in this holiday season. The end of the year speeds up for us as we move through so much territory in the Scriptures. So, we invite You, Holy Spirit, as we walk with You, that You will lead us into all truth and show us what we need to see and hear, what we need to know, how we need to be. Show us what we need to have in our lives as we continue this journey forward, now through Second John, tomorrow into Third John, as we continue through the minor prophets. Speak to us, Father. We are listening and we need You, and we worship You and we love You, and we pray this in the name of Jesus, who has rescued us from the darkness and made us children of the light. Come Jesus, illuminate our path that we may walk in the light, as You are in the light. We pray this in Your precious name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com that is home base, it's the websites, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. Christmas time is going on around here and so, it’s time to call in your Christmas greetings for the Annual Daily Audio Bible Family Christmas Party. The way that you do that is that you either use the Hotline button in the app or call 877-942-4253. And those are recognizable ways to reach out because that…that's the prayer and encouragement line. But right now, it's also the prayer of encouragement and holiday greeting line. So, call in your holiday greetings now. We will, we will go for a couple more days and then we’re gonna kinda lock that down and begin assembling the party together. And so, don't delay.

Also, for Christmas this year, it’s a little different than any other year. We haven't got a Christmas box this year. We have pressed all of the music from the Daily Audio Bible onto different vinyl packages, a beautiful commemorative of what we do here each day and kind of what's underneath all that we do. Some of the music from the season and seasons of the Daily Audio Bible's existence. So, all of those are available. We will send the Christmas ornament that we have each year, out with any of those orders. And all of this, all of this initiative, all of this effort, all of the resources that come in will be invested into what is coming next for us in the new year. And it’s a complete new infrastructure for the Daily Audio Bible, with the complete new app. And so, we have worked very hard and tirelessly for years, and that should…should finally lead our community forward and be the home of the Global Campfire sometime next year. And so, this year we’re just inviting participation. And you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. Just look for the Shop and look for the Christmas Category and you will find everything there, so check that out. Thank you.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, as we wind down another year, thank you again, humbly for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Springhill, Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, that's little red button up at the top, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today, I'm Brian, I love you very much and I will be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Prayer and Encouragements:

Good morning DAB family, it is December 1st, and I just heard the most precious little girl, asking for prayers for her grandma, Almanita. Child, I heard your prayer request, and I am praying for your little Almanita. And yes, we all have grandparents. Some of them are with us and some of them have passed. But grandparents do have a special place in our hearts and in our lives. And I am praying to the Father for His protection, for His healing. And also, for your comfort to know that God loves you, God loves Almanita and your mommy and daddy. And I wanna thank you so much for calling in and asking us to pray along with you. It is in Jesus name that we pray. Amen.

Shalom Daily Audio Bible, this is Dwayne from Wisconsin. All praise and glory to our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Calling in today for Maggie May. We have been praying for you for a number of years and now you may have an opportunity to have a residence, a home I believe it was, next to your son. So, we pray the Lord is in this. We pray this is the Lord’s will. We pray that you would get this house, for you definitely are a light in the darkness. You could be a light for your son. A light for the community. So, Maggie May, we are definitely lifting you up and praying that you will get this residency. Also, calling in for Emmie, who called in and would like us to pray for her two-year-old daughter. She took her to the doctor for two-year checkup and there seems to be an issue with her heart. We pray this is just a minor issue, Lord. And that she has heard, and it’s good news and not to something to worry about. So, we pray for that. And we wanna lift up her daughter, to You, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen and God Bless.

Hey guys, this is Katie Jo from Wyoming. I was just calling in for Kristen, aka Christ in Me, who just called in saying she’s had a bad day. That dealing with all the loss. And I just wanted you to know that a … I mean, I myself have lost both parents, my mom and then also the man who brought me back to Christ and saved my life. Poured into me and disciplined me. Also died in 2021. And I mean, I’ve lost people spiritually and physically. There was a point in my life where I, I like I had lost everybody. And so, I know what you’re going through right now. And so, this prayer is for you and for anybody else who’s experienced this kind of pain. Heavenly Father, we just come to You and we come before Your throne and we praise You and we thank You that these people were in our life. That You gave them to us, that they made their mark, they made their impact on our lives. And they brought us so much joy. And so, I just pray that You’d wrap Your arms around Kristen right now and everybody else who struggles with this, Lord. That, that we sometimes we just want them back, but we know they’re…they’re where they need to be. They’re safe with You, Lord. And so, I just pray comfort and peace and just Your…Your everlasting joy to wash over everybody who suffers from this, God. And we know that Your will, will be done. And we just thank You for these people in our lives. And we give You all the praise and all the glory. In Jesus name. Amen. Love you guys, have a blessed day.

Good morning, everyone, it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow Flower calling. And Sparky, I just heard your conversation with God on the community prayer. And I just wanna say, Amen and Amen. You are so loved and respected by this community and especially me. That I just wanted you to know that everything that was said there is true and it’s from God. So know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that we want you in our lives, forever. Even for eternity. Wouldn’t that be wonderful. Oh Lord God, we just praise You for the hope that we have in You. The hope of life for eternity and not a life like we have here but a life of glory for eternity with you. Praise You Lord Jesus. Praise You God. Praise You Father. We do not _. And I’m thinking of my son here, as he’s suffering from this stage 4 cancer. We do not grieve as pagans do. We have a hope. We have a future, and we have You, Lord God. Praise You Jesus. Amen.

[pjisskullourful]

𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

🌼Damiano X reader

part1 of ??

NSFW! 🔥 smuttastic kinky swearing smut

° Damiano David X female reader insert

° anon request: i was wondering if you could do a corruption kink fic with damiano and a female reader. [ask & it shall be given- requests are open]

° wordcount:3,870

• well this idea really & quickly caught fire in my mind- idk how many parts there are gonna be, i've got a list of kinky ideas & imma just work my way through them & post them when i feel like it • this is my 3rd request & theyve all been dami so i guess this is the lane im in

[im working on part3 gay enough lots&lots- im about halfway through- currently at over 4k words]

It had started with anal - your first experience. You weren't a virgin when you met Damiano, barely. You'd had a couple of boyfriends during high school - clumsy fumblings that had failed to bring any sustained heat.

Damiano wasn't the same breed of amateur you had experienced. Dating for 4 months, you had been consumed by his fiery passion, gaining access to incredible heights of toe-curling pleasure.

You were already under his spell by the time he asked if you wanted to try something new - specifically, anal sex. You trusted him, more excited than anxious and he had taken his time with you, going through the many steps of preparation, the foreplay going on for much longer than usual - until you were thoroughly aroused and relaxed. It was his most explosive orgasm, leaving you completely floored. Your own pleasure was heightened by his joyful reaction, getting off by hearing his climax, by feeling the strong tremors in his body.

You had left some spots of blood on the bed sheets that night (Google assured you this was normal and Damiano apologised, instantly taking a concerned interest in how to best speed up the healing process), but you didn't care. You were in even deeper after that, obsessed with finding the next way to make him come, to bring new responses from him.

And he wanted more too. Having the honour of being the first person to fuck you in the ass had driven him wild. He had come to you later that week and asked if there were more things you were willing to try with him, more first times he could claim from you. You agreed, that mischievous glint in his brown eyes could probably get you agreeing to anything.

He launched into a list (completely memorised in his head, not having to read it off of his phone and barely pausing). There were plenty of times when you had to ask for clarity, bombarded by terms you had never heard before. He didn't mock, answering every question, intermittently squeezing your hand. Hot-faced, you had agreed, now that you knew about these things, your curiosity over them could only be satisfied by experience.

"We should figure out a safe word…" He said.

"Pumpkin?"

He narrowed his eyes at you, then glanced over his shoulder at the decorated bookshelf. "Are you just saying that 'cause there's a jack-o'-lantern right there?"

You smiled shyly. "Maybe… But it's not the kind of thing we usually say, especially not in bed."

"You don't wanna pick something else? Something shorter, like cake?"

"Well, I dunno, it's not like I came prepared, I didn't even know this conversation was coming."

He grinned, leaning into you and placing a kiss upon your shoulder. "And that's the hottest part. This just isn't the kind of thing you've thought about and I'm just filling your mind with the filthiest shit."

"You really are."

"You know, there's actually a kink around this kind of thing…" He lightly traced his fingers down your wrist. "It's called a corruption kink, and it's exactly how it sounds. And I really wanna do it to you. Do you think maybe…?"

"Aren't we already?"

"Pretty much, yeah. But, we could make it official, if you want to. You could be my little toy to corrupt and I could be your master." It was hard to identify the cause of all this sudden heat pooling between your thighs - was it his smile, was it his hands, was it his words, was it all the undiscovered desires? "Only if you want to baby, you're really the one in charge here and I promise you, I won't be disappointed no matter what you say. We don't have to do anything you're not interested in."

You licked your lips. "Would I call you Master?"

His grin widened. "If you want to…"

You put your hand to the back of his neck, lightly scratching over his scalp. "But I already know how much you like it when I call you Daddy."

"I do. But you could call me both."

"And what would you call me?"

"I hadn't really put any thought into that yet…"

"Well, you should start thinking about it…" You leaned into him, bumping your nose against his. You looked down to his lips, but hesitated from kissing him. "Master."

He grabbed the side of your head and brought your mouth to his, hungrily capturing your lips in a hot kiss. You sucked in a quick, excited breath and curled a hand around his shirt. When your mouth fell slack, he took this opportunity to slide his tongue in, immediately making you moan.

He pushed his body into yours, easing you back against the couch. You wrapped your arms around him, feeling him place his knee onto the cushion next to you.

With his body so easily overpowering yours, you felt that giddy tingling flooding your senses. His unpredictability was instantly exciting. Your thoughts were filled with the words he had just said, all of the new kinks were racing through your mind, making you feel dizzy.

"Maybe I could call you my little pet, but would you be as obedient as a puppy?"

You nodded as he put a hand to your throat. "Yes, Master, I can be."

"Hmm. That's not really pretty enough for you, is it?" He ran a finger over your bottom lip as he considered other options. "What about kitten? That's better, eh?"

"I love it." You said.

"My pretty little kitty. My sex kitten."

He ghosted his mouth over yours, making you whine when his lips didn't touch upon yours. He applied a squeeze to your throat, not enough to inhibit your breathing. You enjoyed the feeling of the cool metal of his rings pressed against your skin.

"I wanna own you." He said.

"You already do." You didn't dare raise your voice above a whisper. The intense look in his eyes had your heart pounding.

"I wanna put my marks all over you."

He held your neck a bit tighter and involuntarily, you twitched. You held your breath, hoping you hadn't done the wrong thing, your nerves were so tightly wound that you weren't sure you had the ability to hold still.

"I want to cover your fuckin' skin in my lust."

"Yes please."

"I like when you ask so nicely, such a polite little thing." He said, his mouth still so temptingly close without touching. "And I've got you right where I want you."

His hold on your throat increased and you were breathless when he finally kissed you again. You put your hands on his back, trying to keep him from moving away. Your legs had fallen apart, desperate for him to have you right here on the couch, in the living room where you had been watching a documentary minutes ago. Even though his hand kept a consistent pressure on your neck, it was your clothes that were too tight for you.

"You know, I don't know how much I approve of you getting to have free reign of these naughty hands…" He said, hands going to your wrists. "I don't want you getting any ideas of doing whatever you want."

He shifted back a little, releasing your hands so that he could start unbuckling his belt. Your pussy was throbbing, so desperate for his attention.

"Actually, you'll have to take your top off first."

You crossed your arms over yourself, grabbing the hem of your tank top and yanking it up. You pulled yourself free of it, no other layers needing to be shed, as you had neglected to put a bra on for this day at home.

"Put your wrists together, out in front of you." He said from his spot kneeling in front of you.

You did as you were told and he started to wind the leather strap around your wrists, pinning them together. He fastened it in place, leaving you with some wiggle room, but not enough to pull your hands free.

"Is that okay, little kitty? No pain?"

"It's fine." You said.

"Great, now you sit here and wait while I get a condom. You're not allowed to move, is that clear?" He asked, standing up.

"Yes, Master."

He left for where you kept the condoms, in the bathroom. You waited, feeling your stomach clench and a wobble in your knees. You wanted to take your shorts off, wanted to separate the sticky panties from your cunt.

You tried to catch your breath, shutting your eyes in an attempt to regain some of your composure - you didn't want to come too quickly, undoubtedly that would displease him.

It was rare that the two of you participated in anything resembling a quickie - usually this occurred after he had been away for a few days, both of you filled with a pent-up need for release.

His preferred practice was to take his time, warming you up so thoroughly. He would work carefully, giving all of your most sensitive zones the attention they craved. Then after your climax, he would tease out every aftershock, letting each one be a monumental event all its own. You had never been taken care of in such an in-depth manner before.

You opened your eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. You bit into your bottom lip as you watched minutes tick by. Then it dawned on you, he was doing this on purpose. It had never taken him this long to fetch a condom before, even if he had to jump in the car to purchase a new pack. He was keeping you suspended in this tense moment.

You could feel the blood rushing to your lip as you kept it snagged between your teeth. Just as the blood was pumping to keep your nipples harder than anything in the world.

You breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he came strolling back into the room. He was already naked and your heart did its biggest leap yet, your throat clenching. You wanted all of him all at once, as insatiable as you had been the first time.

"Hi Daddy…"

He walked back over to the couch and sat down next to you. Your fingers were knotted together, you were full of trembles as you looked at him.

He reached out, putting his hands to the waistband of your shorts. He was leaning close to you, smiling at the sound of your every skipped breath. He tugged the pants down with your wet underwear quickly following suit.

"Come here pretty kitty." He beckoned with a curling of his finger. "Come and sit in my lap."

There was a length of the belt that hadn't been secured to his tying and he grabbed this, using it almost like a leash to bring you closer with a pull.

You did as you were told, approaching and then putting one leg across his lap, prepared to mount him.

He put a hand on your stomach, stopping you. "Nope, facing away from me."

You repositioned, guided by his hands on your hips. You put your back to him, your sweaty thighs pressed against his lap. He kissed your shoulder, shifting beneath you until you could feel his tip.

"Pretty kitty." He whispered, pushing up and into your wet cunt, which stretched to welcome him in where he fit so perfectly.

Your toes curled and he put his hand back to your makeshift binds. His other hand went to your cunt, massaging your folds. You pressed your sweaty palms together and began to roll your hips, only a little at first, hesitant to try something without his permission. You were clenched tightly around his cock, feeling that glorious friction building.

He put his mouth back to your shoulder, with more intensity than before, sucking on the skin. At the same time, his fingers pushed between your folds and found your clitoris - slick, pulsing.

His teeth set into your skin and he moaned. He encouraged your movements, rolling his hips into yours to increase this power. He was hitting in deeper, very easily pushing you to your edge.

He was making quick movements against your clit, making you twitch as the nerves danced wildly. He rubbed up-and-down, knowing that there wasn't any technique required when you were already so aroused.

"Ung." Your legs were shaking uncontrollably and your head fell back, resting on his shoulder. With your jaw hanging slack, your chest heaved, lungs greedily sucking in air.

"You're so close, I can feel it."

"Yes Daddy, yes."

"I'm close too."

"Yes…"

He pumped up into you, an unrelenting energy as he chased a release for the two of you. You could feel every sensation of his dick moving in your tight pussy, drawing a reaction from each part of you. The movements of his fingers weren't as easy to keep track of, it was too fast - it had become a blur of unbelievable pleasure.

You were grinding down into him even harder, no fluidity left in your movements. Your gyrations were jerky as you were so desperate for your climax.

"You want it so bad, don't you?" You could hear the amusement in his voice, all you could do was exhale, words were beyond you at this point. "Tell your Master how much you want it."

You held your eyes shut, not sure how to talk. "I- I- it's not a want, it's- uh- I need it, I need- unf, I need it, please." You had raised your hands up to your face, pressing the heels of your palms against your forehead. "Please, I need it."

He removed his hand from your cunt, moving both to your hips and pushing you forward, off of his dick.

It all happened so fast, you wouldn't be surprised if it caused whiplash. You turned to look at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." He said simply, nudging your back. "I just want to give you a little orgasm delay. It'll make it better later, I promise."

You were dumbfounded, the only thing you knew to do was to trust him. "Okay…"

"And I wanna come first." He said. "It sets a good standard for our new hierarchy, don't you think?" You nodded breathlessly. "Put my cock in your mouth and make me come." He was pushing you forward and you realised he was trying to get you onto the ground. "And then maybe I'll think about it being your turn…"

You got onto your knees in front of the couch, with him instantly spreading his thighs to make room for you. He released his dick from the latex covering, all the while staring intensely at you. You felt like you were under a spell, so far removed from everything but his pleasures.

He had relinquished his hold on the belt around your hands, allowing you to find a comfortable sitting position. His hands had moved to the back of your head, his muscles flexed in a tension that made you think you'd soon be feeling all of his power.

You put your lips to his bare tip, the moisture immediately coating your lips. You paused, taking a moment to sit up and meet his eye. You thoroughly licked your lips, making a moan to let him know how much you liked it.

Watching this made him huff and you felt him grip your head tighter. "In your mouth."

You returned your lips to his tip and flicked your tongue up, making him twitch. You moved your mouth forward with him bucking the whole way into your awaiting warmth.

You put your tongue to his shaft, massaging and exploring. He moaned, gyrating his hips a little and releasing heavy sighs. Listening to him sent even more wet heat directly to your cunt, which felt like it was buzzing with desire.

You found a slow, sloppy rhythm of moving up-and-down his cock, which brought louder sounds from him. You were building and he allowed you to do so.

With him tended to at the moment, you let your focus drift to your own current needs. You moved your hands into your lap, adjusting them against the binds.

Your clit was still feeling tender after his earlier enthusiastic doting upon it. You shivered at the first touch of your finger nudging against it. You were so tightly coiled, so ready to reach your climax.

You worked two more fingers down, speeding up on his dick at the same time. You had started to rock a little from side-to-side, letting this movement increase the heavy pleasure needing to be released.

You tried to hollow your cheeks, to create a greater suction around him - but your breath kept skipping. Your circling around your clit was pushing you closer to the edge and you couldn't keep yourself from rocking into it.

"Wh-what are you doing with your hands down there?" Damiano asked, sitting forward.

You let his cock fall from your mouth and lifted your hands from your pussy. You were looking at his pearl necklace, rather than meeting his eye.

He moved even further forward, grabbing at the belt and pulling your hands up. You dropped your head, biting your bottom lip.

"Who said that you could play with your pussy?" He asked.

Your gut clenched. "I- no- nobody did."

"Exactly, 'cause it's not your turn right now." There wasn't any slack left in the belt, your arms stretched straight up. "I'm gonna keep these naughty hands up here.

"All I'm gonna do to you is make you wait for your orgasm, 'cause this is a learning stage for you and I'm generous…" You could hear how displeased he was and you trembled, marvelling at how naturally he had stepped into this role. It suited him perfectly and your heart raced to know how it would be to feel all of his wrath. "But bad kittens - they get punished. And I can't guarantee that next time you misbehave, I won't show you the same amount of grace."

You kept your head down to keep secret the smile on your face. Your mind raced through the rolodex of new terms he had just shared with you and you knew that you wanted to experience all of them, to be gifted with these experiences.

This darker side of him was getting you high and you wondered why he hadn't established this dynamic sooner.

"Now, make me come."

There was a sense of urgency to the task now as blood raced to your arms, where your elbows shook. You lolled your tongue out, tasting his dick again before drawing your mouth back to it. He thrusted into you, ready to spill himself into you. You knew that there wasn't any time for sloppy work now.

You pushed your mouth down, letting your lips brush over his entire length. You slithered your tongue around his shaft, creating greater friction as you began to work back-and-forth. His taste was coating your tongue more and he was moaning out your name.

He overpowered your rhythm, rocking into his own pace. Your arms were shaking wildly and you did your best to meet every one of his thrusts. He put his leg around your shoulders, pulling you in closer so that all of your senses were overwhelmed by him.

"Fuck yes, oh God, fuck, fuck." He sputtered out and you felt his hot wet climax hitting the back of your throat.

He bit into your fingers, moaning around the digits as he drew out the rest of his orgasm with a few last lazy thrusts.

You retracted back, gasping for air. He slumped back onto the couch but didn't release your hands yet. Your arms were beginning to sting from the effort.

"Oh, good kitty…" He sighed. "Come back up here." He gave the belt a tug and you hissed at the dart of pain this caused.

You clumsily made your way onto the couch, wishing you could wipe your chin on the back of your hand, or anything. You were relieved to pull your arms down, to rest them by your sides again.

The afterglow was present on his face - a rose in each cheek, his lids heavy and a smile on his lips. He relaxed his hold on the belt somewhat, holding on to just the tail and allowing you some control over your hands. You wiped over your face, collecting the mixture of drool and his cum from your chin.

You whined in response to him reaching for your pussy. His smile grew wider when he discovered how wet you still were.

He curled his fingers up, reaching between your pulsing folds. His hot finger brushed over your clit and your heart leapt. Your thighs floated further apart and you were filled with happiness when he kept going. It was slower than before but it was enough to make you feel like you were sinking, the pleasure engulfing you.

"You don't have to wait any longer, baby, you can come."

You slumped forward, your head resting against his shoulder. Your breathing was laboured and you had begun to rock into his hand. His fingers glided over your wetness, pressing a bit harder and bringing tremors through your body.

You let out a long whine when his finger pushed inside of you. You were already still warmed-up from before, your walls clenching around him, drawing him in deeper. He added another finger, stretching you out as he began to stroke.

"Aah." Your toes curled when he employed his other hand, using these fingers to play with your clitoris.

He found the perfect harmony of stimulation, bringing a drastic increase to your arousal. You squeezed your eyes shut and rolled forward harder. Behind your closed lids, you saw stars bursting to life. Your hands clasped together, your entire body vibrating to the rhythm he was setting.

"Oh Daddy…" You suddenly hit a higher pitch as you were sent shuddering into your orgasm.

You collapsed against him, the excited tingles racing through your body. Your muscles twitched and you felt all of the strength leave your body.

You were lost in the glorious afterglow for a few moments.

The feeling that you next noticed was your hands falling apart, your wrists released from the belt. But you didn't really need that mobility at present.

He pulled your body closer and you curled into his side, feeling his arms wrap around you. He stroked your hair and pressed soft, sweet kisses across your forehead. This delicate, affectionate side was so pleasant and immediately inviting. You wanted to stay like this forever, listening to him panting, just the same as you.

"How do you feel?" He asked quietly.

You smiled and reached out, caressing his chest. "Happy to be your kitten."

"Honestly? I need to know the truth. This can never work if you're dishonest with me."

You raised your head and met his eye, seeing the serious look on his face. "Honestly. I'm not hurt in any way, I'm not upset. I loved it and I want more. I want you to corrupt me, right down to my core - change me, teach me, take all of my firsts."

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readmore of this series!

[rehkkuma]

she's all yours | okuyasu x reader

summary: unlike his partner in crime, Okuyasu lacked experience in the dating field. Once he believes that he may have a chance with his crush, his best friend begins to get in the way.

words: 1.8k

disclaimers/tags: fem pronouns, modern AU (basically just phones being involved), tiny bit of angst, fluff, and cursing.

He was staring again. The poor 16-year-old boy couldn't help but notice every single detail about her: the slight tilt in her walk whenever she went up the stairs, how she would tie her shoes, and the unfortunate glint of light in her eyes whenever she spoke with his best friend.

Y/n L/n was someone extremely special to him (whether she knew it or not). She could read his expressions so clearly, sometimes knowing more about Okuyasu than Okuyasu did himself. The emotions he couldn't quite put his finger on, she always had an answer to. At times, he felt undeserving of the friendship he had with her. After coming to terms with his developing feelings for the girl, of course she began to get closer with his best friend.

He was painfully aware of the difference in treatment he received compared to Josuke. While Josuke could be referenced as Morioh's pretty-boy delinquent, Okuyasu was more like the intimidating ruffian that stood by his side. Obviously, Y/n did not think of Okuyasu in that way, but her perception of him didn't matter if he was considered nothing more than a friend.

"Hey," Josuke called out, concerned for his friend.

"Y-Yeah?" Okuyasu stuttered, trying to regain his thoughts.

"Whatcha lookin' at?"

Okuyasu silently thanked Y/n for standing in a crowd with other students. If she stood any further from the school's front entrance, it would've been easy for Josuke to pinpoint who he was eyeing.

"Nothing, really. Just thought I saw a cute girl."

Josuke shrugged his shoulders, repositioning himself so his back laid more comfortably against the tree. "Well, if you do see one, ask 'em out or somethin'. I wanna see you have your first kiss before we graduate," he chuckled.

"Mhm, yup," Okuyasu responded, eyes now glued to the grass he was sitting on. He was about to spew out a self-deprecating joke but stopped himself once he noticed Y/n approaching the two of them. Immediately, he recognized Josuke's energy shift from disinterest to eagerness.

"Y/n!" Josuke cheerfully said, waving at the girl.

"Hi, you two!" she waved back. Once coming close enough, she sat down along with the boys, her knees lacing together in a criss-cross position. Because of the short distance between her and Okuyasu, the boy could smell the flowery essence emitting off of her body. He wasn't too fond of fragrances, but the one Y/n had was light and sweet-- perfectly suiting her personality.

Before he knew it, Okuyasu was staring again. The only thing that got him to snap back into reality was the cry of laughter Y/n let out after Josuke made a funny remark.

"Did you hear that Okuyasu?" Y/n choked out, leaning back with both hands on her stomach.

"Y-Yeah." Okuyasu fake laughed, really having no clue what the hell was going on.

"God," Y/n sighed as she wiped off the faint tears forming in her eyes. "I wish I could hang out with you guys a bit longer, but I just wanted to drop by and say hi. I gotta help out with some chores tonight."

"It's all good," Josuke smiled. "But only if you promise to call me tonight."

The girl rolled her eyes while getting up from the ground. "We'll have to see about that, Jojo!" She then stuck her tongue out before scurrying off to her house.

Josuke chuckled, slowly placing his chin on the palm of his hand. "She's pretty cute, isn't she?" he said, eyes glued to the girl's figure in the distance.

"Yeah, she sure is."

* * *

Okuyasu could remember the first time he met her as clear as day: his hands were tucked deep into his pockets, feet dragging along the sidewalk while he was on his way to school. Unlike his regular routine, Josuke was unable to walk with him due to an argument breaking out between him and his mother. It seemed like a bummer at the moment, but maybe it was actually a blessing in disguise.

"Fuck!"

In front of Okuyasu's feet laid a girl. Her uniform was stained with a bright red juice and its can rolled next to her. He didn't recall exactly what happened, but he did feel someone's face hit his chest before hearing a thud.

"I didn't get any on you, did I?" the girl asked with panic.

Okuyasu, hands still in his pockets, shook his head. "Mnn. Don't think you did."

"Okay, thank God. These stains are so hard to get rid of."

That was one of the first things that Okuyasu remembered from Y/n. Her casual way of talking was enough to make any stranger feel like a good friend. Something about this girl piqued his interest.

"Guess it's not your first time, huh?" he hummed.

"You'd think I'd learn my lesson after the third time."

After the small accident, Okuyasu took the girl to the laundromat. Classes would begin in any minute, but neither one of the pair minded skipping it.

"Oi, what're you gonna be wearin' in the meantime? Don'tcha think the teacher's gonna kick your ass for showing up like that?" Okuyasu pointed at the revealing tank top she wore.

"Yeah, definitely. That's why you should totally let me borrow your top," she winked.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself. I don't even have a clue on what your name is."

"L/n." she replied crassly. "It's Y/n L/n."

That was several months ago. Since then, their relationship started to significantly grow. From sending short texts to sharing a few inside jokes, to hanging out every other day after school. In Okuyasu's eyes, it was inevitable for him to fall for a girl like her.

Right before he could spill about his crush to his best friend, Josuke had already introduced himself to her. It crushed Okuyasu to see the girl he loves slowly start to move on from him-- to his own best friend nevertheless.

All of his frustrations were best to be kept to himself. No way could he express his jealousy to Josuke or Y/n. Out of all the girls that fawned over Josuke, why did she have to be one of them?

**Brring**

Okuyasu rolled his body to the other side of his bed. On a nightstand was his phone that rang. The alarm was just loud enough to break through the pessimistic thoughts roaring through his brain.

"Who's this?" he asked, too lazy to check the contact number.

"It's me, Okuyasu! Why, is it that hard to use a second of your time to check the contact name?"

He recognized that voice anywhere. It was her.

"Aw, look. I was in bed, alright?" he smiled, feeling his mood change immediately after speaking with her.

A small giggle echoed from the other end of the phone. "Alright! I wasn't here to nag you all night anyways." The girl then cleared her throat with a cough before soon speaking again. "I was thinking we should hang out tomorrow. For ice cream, maybe. Just us."

Small butterflies began to form in his stomach from hearing the last sentence. "Just us" had never sounded better.

"Sounds good to me."

"Great!" she nearly interrupted. "A-Ah, sorry! I just got excited. It feels like we've been parting ways the past couple of weeks, but I promise tomorrow's gonna make up for it!"

"It's alright," Okuyasu sighed. "See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow!" she repeated.

* * *

Was it just Okuyasu or did she look way cuter today? The makeup she wore differed from the one she usually had on, her accessories managed to compliment her eyes even more, and she even put an effort into customizing her uniform like Josuke and Okuyasu despite expressing her laziness multiple times. She looked like an absolute doll.

"Hmph." She huffed. "You've been doing that a lot lately," she said flatly.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at me like I'm some crazy person."

Okuyasu internally panicked for a few seconds but composed himself. "You just look pretty lately, that's all."

He expected a cheeky comeback in return but was left with a bashful smile from her instead.

"Let's just hurry up and get ice cream..." she said, eyes faced to the ground.

Okuyasu nodded at her suggestion and began to walk, making sure his pace wasn't too fast for Y/n. He'd occasionally give a glance at her direction to know if he was walking at a comfortable speed for her.

Several minutes of walking and a few casual conversations later, the duo made it to the ice cream shop. Y/n ordered a mix of her two favourite flavours while Okuyasu ordered two scoops of mocha almond fudge. Feeling a bit more gentleman-like today, Okuyasu insisted on paying for the both of them.

"Thanks for the ice cream!" the girl said, taking a small lick of the cone. "I feel like the more I hang out with you, the more things I owe you back," she chuckled as the two left the shop.

"Don't sweat it. Hangin' out with you's enough for me." Okuyasu smiled.

"Ah, really?" she blushed. "That's... really sweet of you."

There she did it again. No witty comeback. Just a flustered reply.

"Somethin' up with you? Eat something bad today?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"You're just actin' a bit different, that's all. Not sayin' it's bad though. I kinda like it." Okuyasu continued to walk on the sidewalk but stopped once he realized Y/n was frozen still. "Hey, you comin'?"

Y/n began to slowly jog her way to Okuyasu. When she caught up with him, she paused once more, now looking into the young boy's eyes. "I feel like you don't hear yourself talk sometimes," she said. "I can't tell if you're flirting or you're just naturally this oblivious."

He didn't know how to respond. He was starting to get nervous from how close their faces were. If he wanted to, he could practically count each beauty mark on her face.

"Well?" she said.

"Well..." Okuyasu tried to come up with something but found himself paying more attention to the girl's lips. They looked plush and soft with a slight glossy coat from the ice cream.

Eventually, the girl noticed where he was looking at. Slowly, she closed the already small gap between the two.

"Okuyasu," she breathed out with a gentle tone. "I really like you."

"I-" he stuttered. "Not Josuke?"

"Josuke?" She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and chuckled. "I don't know what you think is going on between us, but it's not that. He's not exactly my type either."

Okuyasu couldn't believe what he was hearing. Before he could say anything back, he felt her lips against his right cheek. It was a delicate kiss. Maybe a bit sticky, but it made his heart do several backflips nevertheless.

Once her lips left his skin, she stood awkwardly in front of him. The way she looked up at his eyes with that lovestruck gaze made Okuyasu realize something he didn't before: he wouldn't need to jealous of other guys. It was clear that Y/n L/n was all his.

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

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Next update: June 16th, 2021