#so for now i have an empty account that attracts .. those ones i just mentioned

[butchshepherd]

u know ur dedicated to a specific thing when the repost accounts for dutch shepherd stuff follow u despite u having 0 posts and ur pfp is a poodle

[myillicitaffair]

One of your girls part two | Carlos Sainz Jr

Summary: after a fateful outcome, Carlos wants to fix what he unintentionally broke.

Warnings: english not being my mother tongue, angst, alcohol consumption, dirty dancing, small description of throwing up, cheating, mentions of sex, messed up dynamics, slight swearing.

Notes: second part of this fic. i also wanted to say i’m currently taking request, to anyone who might be interested xx.

Credits: the gif used belongs to @neymarhamilton ‘s tumblr account, so all credits belong to them. this part, just like the one before, is inspired by the song “one of your girls” by Troye Sivan.

1.8k

SIX MONTHS AGO:

A chilly night welcomes my friend group as we make our way through a prestigious and crowded restaurant situated in the heart of Madrid.

Being born and raised in Spain´s capital city, the girls now walking into the facilities have been by my side my whole life; faith brought us together our first day of school, just three frightened little kids trying to survive elementary.

I like to believe that we complement each other, even if we hadn´t met all those years ago, life would have found a way to connect us.

A girl’s night out is a rare occurrence between us; always being on the shy side, we very much prefer staying in, drowning ourselves in sweet treats while marathoning our comfort romcoms.

The reason why we´re summoned tonight is quite simple… my very first broken heart.

You see, in an attempt to lighten the mood, my friends brought us to an extremely exclusive eatery, one where we clearly didn´t fit in. The difference was quite notorious, surrounded by leggy models and their handsome companions, I quite frankly begin to wonder why I ever agreed.

With a deep breath, I straighten my back and let the hostess remove my coat. “In for a penny, in for a pound” I think with a resigned shrug of the shoulders.

As we´re carried to our spot, I try and take the essence of the place in. I start noticing its eccentric décor, dim lights brightening the burgundy walls, leather booths scattered all over the classy tile floor.

What makes an ordinary dinner such a big success? Its bizarre modality.

Our table is filled with strangers, completely engulfed in their different conversations. The main reason for my friends to take us to this unconventional location was exactly this; the inexorable need to engage in conversations with foreign people.

The first round of dirty martinis arrives as the last costumers take their places next to me, with a lousy cheer I pour the drink down my throat, feeling its pleasant burning down my body, warming me up, making me forget.

“Easy there tiger”- the man sited by my side chuckles, gesturing towards my empty glass.

I take a moment to wander across his features. Thick eyebrows, big brown eyes, plump lips. Definitely attractive, exactly what I need.

A smile creeps up my face, the wires in my brain getting to work.

I notice an elegantly worn designer shirt hugging his chest, his forearms resting against the wooden surface, his attentive stare trying to read my thoughts.

“And you are?”- I condescendingly tease him.

“Carlos”- his hand travels to mine, embracing me with his warm- “Carlos Sainz.”

The subtle body hair covering his fist tickling my naked skin, igniting a fire deep inside me.

And in that moment, I simply knew there was no getting out, not anybody else as long as he kept staring at me like this, eating me raw with his gaze.

That was the first night I ever came back home with him.

————

FOUR MONTHS AGO:

Carlos is away for the weekend, oceans separating us, palpable distance every time he races through my mind.

I try convincing myself It’s the sex I miss, the obvious physical attraction, the invisible force that pulls us towards the other, the feeling of his warm skin being impossibly closer to mine.

Truth being told, I’m sitting immovable on my bed, nervously waiting for a call.

I can’t help but recall his soft locks intertwined with my fingers, his tongue inching towards my neck, how he never fails to make my blood boil with a simple grin.

My phone brings me out of my daydreams, screaming for attention as a call enters it. His name glistening on the screen, filling me with pure bliss and forcing me to hold my giggles.

Acting like a schoolgirl with a crush while being a full-grown adult… how pathetic!

Two rings go by before i pick up, bitting my bottom lip to keep my voice calm as if I wasn’t desperately clinging to it seconds ago.

“Gorgeous, you got a minute to spare?”- he asks, clear amusement in his tone, abusing the charm he knows he has.

“That depends, Carlos, who’s asking?”

I’m gobsmacked at how composed I sound, nowhere near how I actually feel.

My knuckles turn white from grasping my sheets.

“Don’t be like that, princess, I know you miss me”- his smile visible through his speech.

My heart skips a beat, can his words be revealing my true feelings?

“Oh honey, keep lying to yourself if it helps you sleep at night…”

I’m met with his scandalous laugh filling the line, raising my pulse until it’s beating on my ears.

Everything stops, everything keeps going.

I close my eyes in acknowledgement, being forced to admit what i’ve been denying ever since I met him.

Oh, how screwed I am!

———

TWO MONTHS AGO:

The music rumbles at the disco, throbbing on my skin with its intensity.

Being dragged to a hip party, my friends and I are bundled up in the comfort of our own group, dancing between ourselves.

As I rock my body to meet the pulsating rhythm, I embrace Carlos’s presence behind me, tightly grabbing my waggling hips.

He presses himself into me and I rub against his growing erection, purposely torturing him. His kisses start straying while sucking visible red marks into my neck.

His penetrating cologne invades my nostrils, clinging into my bare skin like a golden tattoo.

The mix of the alcohol I insisted on chugging and his hands shaping my whole body becoming intoxicating.

A foreign touch on my shoulder makes me open my eyes, leaving me to face my friend staring at me like i’ve grown a second head.

“You’re coming with me”- she pronounces as she drags me away from Carlos, who snorts in disbelief.

“What? Why?”- I ask as i’m forced to take a seat at the bar.

“Have you gone mad? You two were literally dry humping each other in the middle of the crowd!”- She hisses worriedly, forcing me to drink the water bottle she bought for me.

As she sits next to me, I prepare myself for the lecture she’s about to impart me, letting my eyes wonder across the dance floor.

I catch a glimpse of Carlos standing against a wall, hemmed by complete darkness, sometimes interrupted by one of the dj's lights.

When the spotlight lands on him, I start noticing the delicate hands hugging his broad shoulders, the almost nonexistent distance between him and the blonde caressing his cheeks.

Bile climbs up my throat, threatening to be ejected thanks to the scene before me.

Her lips all over his neck, staining the collar of his white shirt with lipstick.

Realizing i’m not paying an iota of attention to her, my friends follows my gaze stumbling across the sequence.

Effortlessly, she yanks me away from the enclosed space and into the garden.

Without being able to stop myself, I empty the contents of my stomach into the ground, constantly replaying the flashbacks of their sensual dance.

“Everything’s okay now, love”- My friend states while caressing my tangled up hair. Her fingertips come into contact with my cheeks, brushing my tears away.

Sobs are quick to scape my lungs, becoming more and more erratic as I imagine the second by second unfolding inside the disco.

———

PRESENT:

After running away from Carlos’s house, in the middle of a Madrilenian night, I’m fast to hide into the loneliness of my apartment.

I can’t even find comfort in blaming him as I was the one to agree with our “no exclusivity policy”, believing I could make it work.

How stupid of me to think I would be capable of not being trapped into his nets.

Clearly the only solution I can possibly come up with is crying it out, and that’s how I found myself in this situation; puffy eyes, completely ruined mascara, quivering eyes from shedding way too many tears.

Could I have been more stupid? I can’t even resonate one good reason why I would ever accept what he’s willing to offer me while wanting him in his entirety.

My determination is easily devastated as desperate fists bang against my door.

“Please, open up”- A too familiar voice implores from outside the apartment.

“I don’t ever wanna see you again”- I manage to scream through whimpers.

“I beg of you, please let me in! I swear I can explain.”

Standing right on the other side of the door, I feel my hand toying with the doorknob, trying to determinate whether or not to listen to his pleas.

“There’s nothing to explain, Carlos!”- I say, above a whisper, my voice to fragile for anything else.

“There’s been a while since i’ve been with anyone else, alright? Not since all I could think about was you!”

An unbreakable silence fills the hallways of the building, only the sound of his pantings and heavy breathing interrupting the stillness.

Without much hesitation, I open the hinges separating us.

Clearly, I was nowhere near prepared for the view before me; his full brown eyes now shimmering with unshed orbs, accumulated in his tear ducts.

“How about the girl from the voicemail?”- I ask, almost scared to find out this is all a product of my imagination.

“I know what that seemed like, but I promise you it’s not what you think!”- he says, piercing me with his gaze- “That was my ex girlfriend. She has a hard time letting go of me, even though there’s been more than a year since we’ve last been together. I never answer her calls and that’s why she’s getting more and more desesperate.”

Everything around me stops just to listen to his next words, my heart betting so out of control he might even hear it.

“Back at my apartment you told me you were enamored by me, well, there’s no use in trying to deny i’m in love with you”- he whispers, just loud enough for me to hear- “so much it’s physically painful, it’s all I can think about.”

My brain turned into mush as his confession sinks in. I almost want to laugh at how ridiculous the idea seems to me; the man I love, probably the only one i’ll ever love, stating that my feelings are reciprocate.

A sigh leaves my parted lips as a quiet tear runs down my face.

“I know i’ve made my mistakes and believe me when I say i’ll regret them every minute i’m on this earth, but I promise you, that if you give me the chance, i’ll make it up to you until my dying breath”- his voice sounds shaky, as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of him.

I don’t think I ever reacted as fast as now, jumping into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. Little giggles leave both of our mouths at the ridiculous situation.

“I love you”- He murmurs, muffled by the kisses he’s pressing against my checks.

“I love you too”- I answer back, with our bodies still entwined.

[knightyoomyoui]

JeongMi (Jeongyeon x Mina) - "Wallflower"

I'm back! I just want to say that starting from this, most of my one-shot works would have only a 2k–3k word limit, or should I say... It's going to be shorter, unlike before, when I could exceed 5,000 plus BUT I could still make it longer if i get so invested on coming up ideas to add on the story. I apologize for that. I'm just really busy these days because I'm starting to look for ways to earn my own income, which I can use to help myself and my family's needs, while also focusing on my studies because I'm officially going to be a sophomore this coming Monday.  I'm not going to have much time to write new plots, but of course, if I have the energy and free time to do so, then I will definitely do it! Wish me luck, guys!

Since I mentioned that I'm looking for a way to earn money, I will be using this hobby of mine, which is writing stories, so feel free to support me further by donating to my Ko-Fi account! Thank you so much, and have fun reading!

DROP YOUR DONATIONS HERE! ---> https://ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui

"Ohhh is that so?"

"Aww thank you."

"I appreciate your kind words."

Behind those words, the department head manager of TDOONG Creative Team, Yoo Jeongyeon, is trying her utmost best to handle her irritation with all the attention she has been getting ever since she stepped foot in this crowded room full of people who just want to have fun like her.

However, what Jeongyeon has been encountering so far makes it seem to drain her enjoyment to look forward to this particular event she attended.

She completely understood that it's pretty normal for people to approach and interact with her; all she has to do is respond and entertain them back. Sure, she may be an extrovert, but everything has its own limits, and that could apply to what Jeongyeon is referring to.

Especially when most of the reason why she's feeling this way is because she only gathers interest from people not to get to know her as who she is as a person, but rather only focusing on her exceptional beauty that would easily pass on the standard of being a fashion model if only she didn't take this route of putting herself in where she is right now, as one of the leaders of a top-ranking company.

Jeongyeon took a sip of her orange juice and roamed her eyes around. She had a glance at another man who seemed less attractive than the previous ones she faced with, who were also pretty, to be honest.

Quickly directing her eyes away and pretending that she wasn't aware of this man's incoming presence, she finds a place in the room where she can settle herself away from the crowd so that she can avoid hearing another unamusing, weak flirt and random stuff to listen to.

Jeongyeon saw a vacant seat near the corner and walked through it, but not until she observed something that halted her steps.

There was a table with only one occupant; only the empty chairs and her food were the only things that were with that person.

She recognized instantly that the woman sitting alone at the table was the most creative and smartest member of her team, named Myoui Mina.

Jeongyeon changed her mind, feeling pity for this lady, and she could see through her face that she's also holding her patience to make herself worth having her time around here.

She walked through Mina's spot and snatched an empty chair, startling her co-worker.

"Mind if I seat?"

"S-sunbaenim?" Mina looked at her in disbelief. She glanced away before silently accepting her excuse.

Jeongyeon grinned and nodded. She sat on the chair beside Mina, looking at the direction where Mina is watching through.

"So... what's the best talent of the division doing here all by herself?" She initiated a conversation first.

"I-I'm not really used at this thing, s-sunbae." Mina shyly answered.

"Then why did you attend?" Jeongyeon asked. She saw the guilt expression of Mina and quickly repeats to dodge any offensive remarks.

"Don't get me wrong, please. I was just curious why did you come if being in a party isn't the one you are used to be in?"

"Well... I learned that all of us in the team would be attending the party. I was suppose to decline it before I discovered that so... I had no choice but to change since I-I don't want to embarass myself for being absent and our team for being incomplete." Mina reasoned.

Jeongyeon ahh-ed in realization and snickered afterwards. "You really think of that, Mina? C'mon, it's not a big deal, okay? This is not even mandatory; it was just our way to celebrate the company's improvement in the ranks," she assured her. "There's this one called 'excuse letter', right? Why didn't you just create one and send it to me? I would've granted it."

Mina didn't respond in return. She knew that Jeongyeon was completely making sense, so she has nothing more to say about that.

"Where are your colleagues?"

"I'm looking at them."

Jeongyeon joined where Mina is looking at and there they are, dancing enthusiastically into the music being played by the DJ.

She clicked her tongue and relaxed her posture on the chair. Out of curiosity, Jeongyeon questioned Mina again who continued eating her carbonara on the plate.

"Aren't you getting bored of being alone?"

Mina shook her head. She spoke after swallowing the food. "No, Sunbaenim. I actually do prefer to be left alone. I'm more comfortable just living and moving on my own, you know? I just love being free and not forcing myself."

"But do you have any chance... have a desire to feel like you belong with others?"

Mina fell silent again; she only stared at Jeongyeon, and her lips formed into a frown. "Yeah, but I find it hard to do so, knowing how I struggle with being socially confident."

Jeongyeon then remembers how she always sees Mina quiet and pure working around the office, and at first she thought it was just part of her professionalism, but now it has been clarified that Mina is just acting as herself all this time.

To be honest, Jeongyeon would agree that it fits Mina's personality. Pure, kind, elegant, and tender. That's what she gets when it comes to knowing Mina as her co-worker and an acquaintance.

But from what she can see of Mina's way of talking, she actually does find the woman very nice to communicate with. That prompted Jeongyeon to attempt going further with this newfound connection that they have together.

"It may not be a full sympathy that I could give to you because we are still different, but... I do kind of feel what you've been experiencing so far, and wow, it feels strange at all." Jeongyeon shrugged. "I also wanted to be left alone, get separated from this crowd. I just noticed that their way of approaching me wasn't that very sincere at all. It was like they were just using the opportunity to step close to me and admire my beauty instead."

She looks at Mina, who is watching her talk while listening. "How can you stand being alone? How could anybody be fine with seeing somebody getting left behind or being noticed only for advantage?"

Mina and Jeongyeon both sighed at their similar concerns. Mina finds it surprising that for once, there was somebody who was able to bravely express all of her struggles and share the same as what she has been going through, especially coming from someone she didn't expect to be.

At first, Mina thought that she and Jeongyeon were apart from each other. Thanks to this moment, she discovered that people do actually still have something in common, despite how visible it may be for others to describe their qualities that might differ from the rest.

This night, she learned that Jeongyeon and she were the same.

"You don't deserve to be treated that way, Sunbaenim. They don't appreciate you for being a great leader and an employee of this company we're working at. All of your hard work must've felt like it still meant something when most of the people around you could only remember you for being beautiful.

I mean, being pretty wasn't that bad, and you are beautiful, Sunbaenim. I could say it is a gift, but... Couldn't people just praise more on other things that are worth acknowledging?

If only I could just talk to you sooner and thank you for doing a great job every day, I wouldn't hesitate to do it, Sunbaenim. I would do it myself."

Jeongyeon was stunned at Mina's remark. She clearly wasn't expecting Mina to go on a rant because of the unfair treatment that Jeongyeon is receiving, and for once, there was never a person who would spat it out loud in front of her face that she deserves better for many reasons other than Mina herself.

They are simply unbelievable, aren't they?

Mina slowly lost her courage to stare more at Jeongyeon, who became silent after that long speech she just released. "U-uhm... did I say too much? I'm so sorry."

"Wow Mina that was.... that was very thoughtful of you." Jeongyeon sheepishly smiled, blushing. "T-thank you, really. And I could say the same for you, Mina. You deserve better too and... you're also beautiful."

"Everybody does." Mina corrected. Both of them nodded in approval. Just then, Mina's eyes largened when she lately discovered something. "W-wait... w-what did you say at the end?"

"Uhh that you are also pretty, Mina? Why?"

"Uhm... did I really went that far on my-agh..." Mina shook her head rapidly and looked away at Jeongyeon again in embarassment. "I'm really sorry, sunbaenim. I should watch m-"

"No, stop. Mina, don't worry. Why are you so scared about? I liked it." Jeongyeon chuckled and massaged Mina's shoulder. "That was probably the most sincere compliment I ever got than everybody who tries to make a move on me."

Mina shuddered at Jeongyeon's touch and the other meaning she could think of from what she said. Her face starts to go red in flush but she tries to hold it in to avoid acting weirder near Jeongyeon.

"Hey, since both of us are here and nobody is trying to interrupt us more, why don't we just talk more about anything?" Jeongyeon offered.

And so did they. They talked after an hour, and Jeongyeon was relieved that Mina was starting to become brave and comfortable by her side. It was absolutely surprising that Mina is actually a great person to spend time talking with, noting that not only is she so gentle with her way of speaking but also that melodic soft voice that she has, which makes her more enticing to listen to.

When the DJ alerted everyone that it was time to dance, people started to gather around and find their partner. Jeongyeon refuses any invitation because of what she's going to do next.

"Mina, would you like to try to join me for a dance?"

Mina was astounded. She looked at Jeongyeon's free hand, pointing at her, just waiting for her response. "But I'm not a good dancer, Sunbae. People might look at me."

"Just disregard them, Mina. We're here to have fun, not to mind them of whatever they think. Who cares, they even look stupid, and I'm not even a good dancer too?" Jeongyeon recommended. "It's going to be alright, Mina."

Mina loosened her hesitation as her hand slowly grabs to Jeongyeon's hand and let herself get pulled carefully by Jeongyeon as they head into the dance floor.

At the circle, people had their eyes set on Jeongyeon and Mina dancing. Jeongyeon felt Mina being tensed and she easily calms the woman by pretending that nobody exists around them and it's just them in their own world having fun.

She turned Mina's head to make her eyes look directly at her as they synchronized their move, now it's just them focusing only at each other.

It did helped and it resulted as they were expecting it to be. After the dance, Jeongyeon and Mina heads back to their table and rested for a while before Jeongyeon spoke again.

"Hey, Mina. Would you like to go out with me somewhere?"

"We're leaving now?"

"It's okay if you want to stay here. I just want to get out here and be in a more relaxing place to spend the night away. I just asked you if you want to come with me because I thought you would needed it too."

Mina smiled at Jeongyeon's generosity. "Okay, I'll join you."

"Great, let's go. I'll take you to my favorite place to go to."

The employees were sad that Jeongyeon left and started to wonder why is she with Mina.

Both of them head to Han River where they bought streetfoods and sat together at a bench to eat and watch the river while talking along in a fine cold night air.

They went into some topics whether about work, personal life or anything else. A bit flexible than the previous they had earlier which was effectively impressed and intrigued each of them in their own stories.

That is, until Jeongyeon inserted this question that got her curious out of nowhere.

"So, Mina... do you find someone likeable in our workplace?"

Mina flinched, not expecting Jeongyeon that would ask such a daring and intense question like that.

She went extremely shy, directing her gaze away from Jeongyeon as her face went pale and cheeks puffed to contain herself.

"I-i don't." Mina stuttered.

"Oh really? I thought you'll have one." Jeongyeon chuckled. "Or... you just don't want to say it to me." she joked.

She forwarded her face beside Mina who is lowering her head and glancing only at the ground.

Mina heard that and her body trembles more in fear and panic. She quickly shook her head and muttered "No, I really don't have one." repeatedly.

"Hmm... okay." Jeongyeon nodded, pursing her lips. "We're the same then."

As they continue to walk through the shore of the river Jeongyeon finds Mina being strangely quiet.

She deduces that it must be due to what they talked about, so Jeongyeon wanted to clear up the suffocating tension between them.

"Mina, you good?"

"Y-yeah, why?" She responded, turning her head at Jeong.

"Nothing. I just feel like I ruined your mood because of what I asked earlier." Jeongyeon shook her head. "You've been quiet for minutes now. You don't even look at me when I did that."

Mina was taken aback that Jeongyeon caught that something's wrong with her. She underestimated Jeongyeon's observative skills, which she clearly got from being the team's leader, and how lame she was for that.

Jeongyeon gripped Mina's wrist and drew her attention, alerting the latter as her eyes sprung up when her eyes met Jeongyeon's deep and serious stares.

"If I crossed the line, Mina, I'm sorry. I just want us to know more about ourselves." Jeongyeon slightly bowed. "I just want to be your friend."

Mina felt sorry for Jeongyeon because she made her apologize for something she didn't do wrong. She is confused about what she should do to disregard Jeongyeon's apology.

"No, Sunbae, you don't have to." Mina patted Jeongyeon's shoulder and shook her hand in refusal. "The blame's on me. I didn't mean to overthink you with my weird antics. I guess you would encounter more of it when you're with me."

"I don't mind it." Jeongyeon shrugged. "You don't need to force yourself to change just to keep up with me. Just... be yourself, Mina. I'm one of the many people around this world who understands and values that every person has a different characteristics, and I definitely respect those who are just full of kindness in their manners."

"I want to be your friend because I don't want you to be alone most of the time. A literal friend to say, and for you to approach anytime you want. You can't just get seperated forever, Mina."

Mina softly smiled and her hands locked within theirselves, fingers fiddling as she absrobs all of Jeongyeon's comforting and assuring words.

"Thank you, sunbae-"

"Call me Jeongyeon... only if you would accept me."

Mina went agape as she looks at Jeongyeon pouting and crossing her arm. She looks so cute, as what she said inside her thoughts.

"O-okay. I want to be your friend too, Jeongyeon."

"There you go!" Jeongyeon clapped. "From now on, don't be shy whenever you're with me. Because I will always be here to join and help you with anything as much as I can."

Jeongyeon started to walk as she took the bites and slurps of her ice cream. Five steps away, she noticed that Mina remained standing on her spot, concerned about something.

"Mina? What's wrong?"

She went closer at Mina who is biting her lips, contemplating. "Jeongyeon... would you still really gonna consider yourself to get along with me if..."

She paused, slowly looking at Jeongyeon who is anticipatingly waiting for her next words to come out.

"Just tell me, Mina. I'm all ears to listen."

Mina heaved her chest to breathe out before continuing to speak. "I lied to you."

"What?" Jeongyeon blurted. "Uhh wh-"

"I do like someone in our office. I lied to you." Mina's voice slightly lowers as she prepares herself from what she's about to do next.

"I've been having a crush on her for months. Weeks after I started working at our department, I remember when I accidentally broke my heels and dropped all the documents I'm carrying in my hands.

Our team members looked at me. Maybe they were concerned, maybe some were laughing at my clumsiness. But there's only one out of them who I can really tell immediately that she cared for me."

Jeongyeon went curious at the pronoun 'she', discovering that Mina might be a bisexual or a lesbian which was unexpected.

"I couldn't answer truthfully because... I was just scared wondering what would occure if it got find out that if I say I like someone and the person I'm referring to is...

... is you, Jeongyeon."

Jeongyeon stared at Mina. Suddenly, her memory processed as it threw her back to that time Mina was mentioning. She was right, she was the one who helped Mina and aided her ankle which thankfully didn't got sprained but rather had bruises.

She is completely clueless that it would be the start of Mina admiring her secretly everyday whenever they get to work. She probably had her dark orbs transformed into pinkish hearts in her eyes as she watches her with a soft smile applying compress to Mina's hurt foot.

She probably taking slick glances at Jeongyeon on whatever she might be doing that Mina finds attracting to see or she is being missed throughly by Mina whenever she becomes absent in work.

She started chuckling at her last what if that Mina might be secretly getting jealous of seeing her acting a bit suspicious with other team members or other employees in the company. In addition, now it makes sense why Mina inserted that compliment she got back in the party and that "other reason" she's talking about. Mina attended the party because of Jeongyeon.

Mina furrowed her eyebrows, confused on what Jeongyeon found it funny to her confession. "Wait, seriously? I-it was me, Mina?"

"Y-yeah. Until now." Mina looked away.

Jeongyeon grinned. "Wow. For months, I didn't even know that I have a secret admirer being around me all this time. Impressive."

"So... you think that if you tell me the truth, I might reject you in an instant, run away at you and leave you here freezing in Han River as I delete all of the time we shared tonight in my memory. Is that so?"

"Guess you could say that."

"Well, Mina..." She stepped closer at Mina, now they're inches away from each other. "What if I tell you that I'm not doing any of that."

Jeongyeon forces Mina to look up at her, cupping her chin, causing the introverted lady to blush intensely at her touch. "I appreciate your feelings for me, and so far, the only thing I could say for you is that... you do actually look pretty too, Mina."

"I'm sorry if I can't give you the answer you want to hear yet. I don't want to rush things, so... hey. What if we give it a try?"

Mina was astounded. She didn't expect that Jeongyeon would consider this feeling; she had to willingly check it out and openly make her explore more of it. That only means that Jeongyeon does not care for her... but she has also developed trust in her, and that's very heartwarming, to say the least.

"Yes, I'm giving you the chance, Mina. Show me everything you have, because I'm interested in you too." Jeongyeon smirked. "You wouldn't know; one day, either soon or longer than that, I could finally admit to you that we should take it higher because I'm falling in love with you too."

"I-I will, Jeong. If that's what it takes then I accept it." Mina nodded and smiled. "I just couldn't believe it that this is finally happening. I never thought you would allow me to feel this way."

"You deserve it, Mina. You are highly gorgeous, pure, and elegant if I may describe. And to have this such kind of woman to be in love with me, I would really prefer it to know each others wants and likes. That way, we could know how we should make ourselves happy."

Jeongyeon pulled Mina and wrap her all over in a warm hug. Mina went teary eyes as she comfortably laid her head on Jeongyeon's broad shoulder, glad that the woman who stole her heart would accept her with open arms and freely let her admire more.

With relief, it was a blessing in disguise that she chose to attend the party despite having it against her desire.

-6 MONTHS LATER-

Jeongyeon stopped by in front of a flower shop just meters away from her workplace.

She entered and was greeted by the owner, asking her what does she prefer to buy and to whom she is giving it to.

"For my girlfriend, ahjumma."

"Aww look at you, want to make her fall for you more aren't you?" The old lady teases her, making Jeongyeon tightly smile.

"You got me there, ahjumma." She replied.

The old lady introduced Jeongyeon to some of the flowers displayed around the space that would suit as her gift for Jeongyeon to pick.

She wasn't getting invested to most of the flowers- but don't get it as a harsh idea that she didn't like it, those were still pretty but not  the one that suits her- until ahjumma presented to her one of the last remaining flowers she could offer for the handsome looking lady of a customer she has.

"Wallflower?" Jeongyeon reads its name written on the paper pasted on the surface of its container.

"Yes, it came from Southern Europe and as you can see, it has a yellow color but there are other that can have a red, orange, or purple color. It has a sweet smell and this kind of flowers mostly grow in the gardens." The lady describes the background of the plant to Jeongyeon as she checks it by herself. "This is actually a rare flower to consider for a bouquet to give on someone you like but... well, it's beautiful to look at."

"I agree, ahjumma. These looks wonderful."

"But wait, there's also meaning behind that flowers too." The old lady stops her. "The wonders that makes this flower special is that it represents faith, lasting beauty, everlasting love and a bond of affection if you want your relationship with that girl to be strong.

There's actually also this term for wallflower being used to describe people who are shy and possesses introverted personality, as it mostly bring simi-"

"Wait, ahjumma! I'm taking this." Jeongyeon interrupted the old lady, without any intention of disrespect.

"Aigoo... you have yours like that, don't you?" The old lady guessed. Jeongyeon just grinned and blushed.

The old lady brought some wallflowers with her and assembled it into a bouquet on her counter. Jeongyeon excitedly watched her doing it as the image of Mina is what appeared in her mind the more she inspects the bouquet.

"What's her name, if I may ask?"

"Mina. She's Japanese."

"Oh lucky of you, you even got yourself a foreigner." The old lady congratulated her which made them laugh at it.

Before Jeongyeon leaves the shop, she gave an extra payment for the old lady and thanked her so much for the service. The owner gave her one last advice to take as she departs.

"Don't hurt her and love her unconditionally, okay? That girl you have is fragile and pure, don't waste the blessing in your life."

Jeongyeon arrives in the workplace, attracting most of the employees strolling around her with the bouquet she has on her arms.

After leaving the elevator, she went to the Content Creative Team Department section where she got greeted by her members and proceeded by bunch of playful teases at her.

She went to the door that has the namecard plastered with Mina's name on it. Peeking at the window, she saw Mina being focus on managing the papers and working something on her computer at the same time.

Jeongyeon smiled as she admired Mina's adorable expression she makes when she thinks deeply, pressing the ballpen on her chubby cheeks.

She knocked on the door, alerting the woman inside. Jeongyeon turned the knob and opened the door as Mina said "Come in!"

Her eyes largened as she looked at Jeongyeon standing in her office with a cup of Starbucks coffee, a doughnut box and a bouquet of flowers in her arm.

"Good morning, my lovely Minari." Jeongyeon greeted her sweetly.

Mina chuckled and showed her precious gummy smile. "What's all of this? You really went into effort, huh?"

"Of course, it's our special day, so I have to." Jeongyeon hugged Mina and kissed her on the lips. "Happy 2nd month anniversary to us, and also... happy birthday to you, Mina."

"Happy birthday too, and thank you for these, Jeong." Mina kissed Jeongyeon again on the cheeks. She took the bouquet of flowers as Jeongyeon placed the doughnuts and the coffee on her desk.

"What is this flower, Jeong?"

"It's a wallflower, a rare one from overseas," Jeongyeon said. "The old lady told me what it means, and it simply just holds a promise that I want us to be strong together until the end while I devote my love only for you. The name was also a term to call for introverts, and it reminded me of you... with how I met you that started all of this and led us here in this moment, so I decided that this would be perfect."

Mina beamed a bright grin and blushed at Jeongyeon's touching comment. "This is beautiful, Jeong. Thank you so much."

"That's not it. I'm not done yet either. What do you say? Do we go out for dinner after work and celebrate?

"Sure."

Mina nodded in response. She and Jeongyeon embraced and went for another kiss before the lovers returned to being professionals with full motivation to begin complying with their respective tasks to work on today.

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

Illumi Zoldyck x Reader || Indulge In Me

Warning: 18+, oral sex, orgasms, hair pulling.

If you are underage please leave my account be, this account contains adult themes MEANT for adults.

~ ✨ ~

Previously it had just been him brushing his knuckles against her cheek or whispering in her ear and slowly but surely he had been growing worse. And yet, she almost loved it as much as he seemed to. She'd be a liar if she said there wasn't any mutual attraction there.

A big one.

So, she let him do as he pleased and sometimes she did things with him that she knew she shouldn't and this was also…one of those times.

She shivers as he runs his fingers over her clothed lips, admiring the warmth that seemed to radiate from there. Her breath hitches as his thumb presses with some force over that sweet bundle of nerves and she tightens her hold in his hair when he leans in a moment after.

His nose runs over the fabric as he takes a moment to take in her natural scent, breathing her in before he slides his tongue out and drag it from the seat of her to that sensitive numb that grew hard with excitement. He doesn't plan on letting her go anytime soon and she knows that so all she can do is shakily pull one hand from his hair. She moves to cover her mouth but then he tskes.

“I want to hear you when you cum on my face…” He says and it's scary how seriously he's able to say that, looking up at her like he meant every word.

She blushes deeply, the flush running all the way down her neck and to the tips of her ears.

How is she supposed to possibly respond to that?! She pulls a hand out his hair to cover her mouth.

He doesn't waste any more time, hitching her legs up just a bit more before leaning in and sticking out his tongue. He seems eager, impatient and the way that first lick feels makes her jolt.

His breath is hot and something about the way he's on his knees, holding her open with no issues at all makes her feel like she's melting.

One lick turns to two, and then three before he closes his lips around that sweet bundle that grew hard with need and she feels her breath hitching. She's already shaking, thighs and hips twitching in his hands and she can't help the falling feeling she's having. Like he's leading her to her death and all she can do is fall into his pretty looks and empty promises.

She mewls, throwing her head back as he does as he wants. Nipping, sucking, humming and when he eventually does shift and pull her soaking wet panties aside and drags his talented tongue over her bare sex and oh she lets out a sob.

She's losing her mind, arching and tugging on her hair as if she wants him even closer and he obliges, slipping his tongue into her heated cavern and moaning at the taste. She gasps loudly, legs opening as much as they possibly can now that her gut was twisting and her cunt was twitching in hot searing pleasure.

”I-Illu… Illumi!” She cries out and if it wasn't for him being between her thighs he probably would have tried to shush her. Then again, he did enjoy hearing her. Hearing how much she needed him and loved him as she shakes and trembles and wets his face with her juices.

Not to mention the fact that he's rock hard. His cock is trapped by his pants but if she could focus she could see how his other hand inched down to his crotch and cupped at the bulge there. He fondles himself as he listens to her noises, letting her needy voice fill the air around them and before he can really help himself he groans hotly against her as he cums, spunk dirtying his slacks and a part of him is pleased and another is annoyed because how dare he cum and it not be inside of her like it belongs.

She pants heavily as she tries to catch her breath but he's suddenly growing rougher like he's getting ready to devour her and she looks down at him with pleading, teary eyed only to find him already looking up at her with an equally hungry look, his gaze unyielding like he refuses to miss anything and who would she be not to throw her head back again and whine as another orgasm tears through her like a knife through butter as she convulses against him.

He loved doing this to her, seeing her so weak and broken down and as she squirts with a broken cry he finally closes his eyes as a blush colors his cheeks while he swallows every last drop.

When she's empty, slacking against him like a boneless chicken, he pulls off her slowly and with a low chuckle he praises her for doing such a good job, for being such a good girl.

[steamedtangerine]

Tumblr drama ahead...

Thought I could get through this year unscathed without encountering one troll. But NOOOOO! -there must be some clause that stipulates somewhere that every account has to get honked off by something crawling out from out of the woodwork.

The rundown: I make a post of a well-known erotic artist (known across -and over-three different platforms), and make clear in the text description who the artist is. I assume the artist is well-known enough (and that the majority of users are not feebs incapable of looking the artist up for themselves). I did my research before posting-there was a similar post by the artist put up years ago (when "nipple-exposed" was BAD), but the one I had was the restored, uncensored original one (probably as the artist intended) yet to be posted in it's entirety.

The post gets traction....lots of it....the kind that makes me go "oh boy, it's already starting to draw too much attention from some of the more flippy, empty sus accounts here"----sort of like realizing you put too much of a higher wattage bulb in on your porchlight, and now it starts to attract every insect from the tri-state area. I'm sure just a visit to my blog will give the stats on what the exact post is.

Then this random account (that does not follow me, but to their benefit, appears to be "progressive"-not that they touch certain political topics, though they seem overly-argumentative about certain hot button cultural topics-and yes, they've been around a while) happens upon the post and chides me in the comment section (not in reblog fashion, mind you, but just the comment section) for not hashtagging the artist (though noone else seems to have problem finding the artist-I was able to see the post come up by basic search alone)- as if I never intended to make mention of the artist at all, which is obviously not the case. They include an "@" URL in their comment, which turns out to not even be an actual functioning URL to the artist's blog, which already clues me in that they are not the artist, nor are they affiliated with them in any manner.

I notice there are many other accounts on Tumblr who post the popular artist by text mention and do not hashtag, as well, yet, their posting is not as popular....so, why are they not under the same scrutiny as I am here?

I politely mention in a replying comment that if it's a matter of accreditation, I did mention the well-known artist in the text. It must've done the job, seeing by all the users flocking to it. I also mention there are better URLs (then the one they provided) to at least two of the functioning blogs by said artist. To be fair, I go back, and edit my post to add hashtags using the artist's name, if it makes that much more of a difference for the better. Everybody's happy. Right?

Well, the account then replies by taking the obtuse and exaggerated trademark tactic (used by so many Reddit trolls) and wrangles and angles things into this weird mocking of me as being some narcissist who feels they are the only designated conduit of promoting the artist's work....which is not what any single account here on Tumblr ever thinks when posting work from a well-known and aptly accredited the artist.

Keep in mind, no other accounts posting this artist's work (without any hashtags or a vast cluttering array of links going to what could add up to five different outside platforms) is getting this kind of criticism as I am getting here.

I have one of those "doing the dishes" revelations, I pull back, and calmly ask "how did they find the post in question". Up until this point, they never addressed why they posted a faux-URL from the getgo, as I pointed out, and now they are avoiding telling me how they found the post (because, seriously, what IS this really all about?). The next comment is another attempt to mock me of being narcissistic (again) over a post I supposedly "STOLE!".

Whoa whoa whoa Whooa! Theft!? You are going to accuse me of theft? That is a serious accusation. I never claimed this work as my own. This is not a repost of anything found here; I did my research before posting it. I gave accreditation of the artist in the description.

Anyone who has known me on this blog has known that-in the past-I have called out those that have reposted another user's work without giving accreditation to the artist-whether it be @nicholasklaw (who clearly left for IG), @n-lite , or @wax-pack-glam (seems a lot of A-holes on NewtTumbl ripped off his work and were posting it with out giving props on Reddit-and you can go there and see for yourself the kind of sh!t they are pulling by punishing someone for being creative). If I ever failed to give credit to an artist, I ask anyone to show me my mistake, and I will correct it. If I posted something an artist did not want posted here, I ask that that certain artist in particular to approach me diplomatically, so the matter can be handled in a civil fashion....and I also ask the artist to be fair and track down the other three (or so) sources out there online that have the same image (be it Imagefap, Deviantart, Reddit, etc.) and request the same treatment if they feel they are being misrepresented.

Which all boils down to....what IS this even about?

It''s kind of obvi actually. What we have here is some troll account with a "progressive-light" hat on (the kind that finds it easier to sow divisions and make microaggressions online about gender or anything else, then to actually address real critical outside issues about fascists trying to kill LGBT activists in some countries, promoting BS obstructive Freedom Convoys, invading other countries, or perpetuating conversion therapy in some states-y'know, the kind of incisive topics that most of us had no problem addressing here on Tumblr), who was drawn to this post by an algorithm, and is finding every ungodly means to get a foothold to be a contentious knob about it. It's a shame to think that some of the most persevering accounts on a platform like Reddit are these multi-trophy 8-year+ trolls that are embedded like a case of herpes. It was bad back when every single dang posting on Reddit had some obligatory sh!tposter on there to spew some dumb trash, but as for me.....here on Tumblr....I guess it takes me posting something so popular it attracts someone (with an obvious axe to grind with me for some reason-God only knows) being ugly enough to make the unjustified accusation of theft.

Seems to happen every year. Someone flips out that I-for posterity sake-linked an article about White Supremacists in Germany as an example of how they are covering such topics here, because, I guess they have a flipped-out hatred about American reporting, even as an example of what they were griping about. Another (avatarless) account accuses me of mislabeling a popular gif about Cecilia Lion-and though two other sites positively ID it as her, this account is unable to tell me who they think it really is. Once, I gave a supportive comment about someone else's gripes about empty accounts on Tumblr, and they flip out and demand to know how "I found their post" (uh-it came up by a basic search on the site), and before I can respond, they accuse me of "bad vibes", block me, and then spy on my with alt-accounts accusing me of being a porn/politics blog (just what about my politics upsets them?...Hmmmmm?) with "bad vibes" even (oddly enough, said account loved posting 4Chan stuff....and I'm the "bad vibes?!...OkaaaaAAY). The last example is exactly why I don't take the bait to complain along with these newbie accounts griping about "twue Cwime" (deliberately sic) posters flooding in and choking off the site with their ugly satirical sh!tposting love for school mass murderers....they are obviously colluding with the exact accounts they claim to hate because they want feedback on how toxic they've made a platform and also who they can keep tabs on to harass.

Right now, I just don't need this. I ate something with caffeine that caused a reaction in me, jacked up my blood pressure, and I had to call into work.

Again, if anyone has a problem with how I accredit an artist on a platform that is all about sharing and exposure of an artist's work (especially if I have done it in ANY different fashion than the way any body else here has been doing it here for-God only knows-over a decade now), approach me civilly and to the point. Do not dally around with jacking me on nitpicky protocol (which I was accommodating about, in regards to everyone's beloved hashtags), then look for any axe-grinding way to find an obtuse angle to chide me, and then go for the jugular with false accusation of theft.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

•°♤°~Words From the Dark Divine Feminine •°♤°~

~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•~°•

ANNOUNCEMENT

Before I begin this, I just wanted to apologize for the sudden disappearance. Abruptly, I had a tower moment that I needed to take care of, not only was I not in the right mind space to continue posting content, but I literally can’t channel anything for the collective when I am in a low state because nothing will come through except messages that are specifically for me. I had so much anxiety over whether to come back or not because I was stuck with this job, I had absolutely no time for both that and this account and it completely tipped the scale in my work life balance. Not only that, but I went through so many different emotions over how my life was that I just knew that if I ever decided to come back, to do this reading. This felt right, and I’m so proud of this because I was stuck on this for months because I was trying to provide guidance to the collective on lessons that I haven’t even learned from. I had to go through the trials and error, solitude, and the patience to figure out how to turn the light on during a time that just felt too dark. Thank you to all of you that didn’t take it personally and are still here today. 

~~

This is a pick a card reading dedicated to speaking about our most taboo of feelings, dark feminine energy isn’t tied to any gender, it’s a part of all of us. Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll down for its corresponding message.

⚠️WARNING⚠️ These messages are heavy and dark. Specifically speaking, they have mentions of suicidal thoughts and other triggering stuff.

♤Pile I♤

~ Lilith's Jukebox ~

 ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻                              

Soko - Time Waits for No One

Sharon Clark - I’m Not Afraid of Love

Hiatus Kaiyote - The Lung

~~

Letter - “Why am I so trustworthy? At every opportunity, these people take my heart for granted, and it’s starting to harden to stone. My desire to live in this loveless world is withering away, like ice cream that melts under the sun. It feels destined to perish. Was I made weak? What’s wrong with me? Is my love too much? Did I not love them enough? Please. I’m begging. What can I do to fix me!? God! I hate my femininity so much! I can’t take this pain anymore, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it go away. There’s no need for them to tug at my heart anymore. I’ll rip it out myself and claw at it piece by piece until it is nothing. Anything. Anything to make this curse of emptiness go away”. 

Message: Pile one, I hear you. And I’m so proud of you for making space for your discontent for the painful experiences that left you feeling shattered. The only things that are wrong here, is how you were treated. You were never the problem in the first place. Moreover, you are so wrong about yourself, there is no need to be strong when that is already what you are. You are an extremely powerful visionary, and how do I know this? Because you’re right about the world. It’s lacking so much love right now, but with extraordinary eyes like yours, you knew exactly who needed your love at the time. Strength requires courage, and you were brave enough to not only trust others, but trust yourself to give your love, and it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you fierce. People respond with hate to what they fear or don’t understand, so in a loveless world plagued by chains of cruelty that humanity imposes on one another, it’s hard to break out of that when met with a divine gift like yours pile 1. I know it feels like anguish, loss, and that you’re battered and bruised, but instead of you turning into those that hurt you, you stayed true to who you are, and that takes strength, Remember that you hold the power and that people are going to be attracted to the kind of abundance that you have, but once they show themselves as unworthy, reclaim your power back. Love what you have and yourself because loving them wasn’t a loss for you, them not knowing what they had is a loss for them.

♤Pile II♤

~ Lilith's Jukebox ~

⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

 Lil Nas X - Sun Goes Down

Kari Faux - Chattin Shit

Doechii - Persuasive 

Angel Haze - Battle Cry

~~

Letter: “I can feel their stares. Hear their whispers. These people do not respect me. It’s like my past follows me wherever I go. Like it takes the form of a mask that never detaches. Internally, that’s how I feel. When other people take one look at this mask, they only see a distorted statement. But not my truth. They get a picture of what I used to be, but never why. Who cares. As much as I’m not accepted by them, I, however, have accepted them. Shallow and judgmental. I’ve learned at a young age, to just let people talk.

The only person that grimly haunts me, is the one that glares back at me when I look into the mirror. I loathe the feeling of self hatred and disgust. The weakness that I feel over the stoic and stern gaze that people fear, used on me. The grotesque repetition of my noises saying that I’m used up. Spoiled goods. Nothing worth offering. Do I deserve a happy ending? My noise, with hopelessness, solemnly replies ‘no’. Do happily ever afters even exist? Emerging from the dark, a cadaverous finger waves back and forth ‘not quite’.

Then what is the point of living?

To my younger self, who was just a child, I’m sorry that I failed you”.

Message: Pile two, I hear you, and I’m so proud of you for making space for your fear of uncertainty. Immediately, I’m hearing rebuttals from your inner child, furiously shouting ‘NO! don’t you dare give up on us!’. They’re saying you haven’t failed them, but if you decide to throw away your life because you don’t believe that you’re capable and deserving of your blessings, then that’s when you failed them. Stop letting your past provoke you into self-defeatist mindset. Quiet the noise, because it’s not real and the past is no longer here. However, your inner child still is and they feel hurt because the shadow that is haunting you now, was their reality. They’re urging you to know that you can be strong for them because the strength it took for the little version of you to survive all of the wounds and trauma to be the person of today reading this right now, still lies within. Like a movie, why would you turn it off before it even ends? You have so much to life for, they know this, and they want you to keep going because happily ever afters do exist, and reaching it is not only just about you. It’s about alchemezing, turning your life around regardless of your mistakes and the wrong committed against you. To create your own justice for all parts of yourself, especially your inner child.

You are not broken. You are not disgusting. And you are not “used up”. Our bodies are just a shell. It is your soul that matters and it is strong. In your spread, there’s an oracle card with a starfish, liken yourself to the animal when it comes to your losses. It regenerates and it is self-sufficient. I’m getting that you may have had a mother that was absent in your life, and it doesn’t have to mean physically. Water down the bully inside you by reparenting yourself and becoming the nurturer that you’ve always needed.

Tough times are temporary, but are dreadful to experience, but to keep it from overpowering you, remember that it is never you that you should be fighting.                     

♤Pile III♤

~ Lilith's Jukebox ~

⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

Marina and the Diamonds - Primadonna Girl

Willow Smith - Pretty Girlz

SZA - Supermodel

Molly Burch - Needy

~~

Letter: “I stare at the mirror for hours. Trying to find the beauty in my face and body, only to problems that were not there before, then to spend more hours, analyzing how to fix my physical appearance.

With the majority of my 24 hours gone, I use the remainder on lifelessly scrolling down a screen of pretty faces, in acute synchronicity with the tear rolling down my cheek, wondering, ‘how can I be prettier?’.

I compare myself to their lovers. What part(s) of them made you choose them over me? Is it bigger that’s better? Or is it smaller? Is it long? Is it short? Is it lighter? Is it darker? Is it short? Or is it taller? Is it sharper? Or is it rounder? Is it softer? Or is it more defined? Is it it more? Or is it less?

Tell me. What can I do to fix it? I just want everyone to love me”.

Message: Pile three, I hear you, and I’m so proud of you for making space for your body dysmorphia. I wish that you could see how much of a stunningly ravish person that you are.

Beauty is like a succulent. You could be a cactus or aloe vera plant. Very prickly, not so prickly, colorful, monochrome, big, small, you might or might not have flowers. Whether it is water, or aloe, maybe neither, the point is that it’s what it’s inside that matters. Yes, beauty can be physical, but true beauty is within. Self love, like any other love “liberates” like Maya Angelou once said. From conventional to unconventional, accepting and embracing what you have and knowing that regardless of what others say, is still in fact beautiful, is what’s going to set you free from this mirage, because what you have going on inside isn’t going to be conditional. It isn’t going to be based off of what your surroundings say, it isn’t going to be phased by rejection, it isn’t going to be a trend that comes and goes, it isn’t submissive or dominant, it isn’t “activated” by changing yourself or going under the knife, it doesn’t change depending on the person next to you, it doesn’t need to be validated by anyone else.

It’s timeless. It’s one of a kind. It’s pure. Baby, you are so beautiful just the way you are.

♤Pile IV♤

~ Lilith's Jukebox ~

⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

Alex Serra - Outter Space

Pharell - Happy

Marina and the Diamonds - Satisfied

Marina and the Diamonds - Hermit the Frog

Marina and the Diamonds - I am not a Robot

~~

Letter: “For so long, I’ve kept this clean image. Molding myself into something I’m not. Replacing the lego pieces that make me, with a formula calculated for perfection, in exchange for success. I did everything right...so what is this?

I’m malfunctioning trying to decipher if there was an error made somewhere, but I get nothing. I’m stuck. What is this? What is this? What is this? I’m wailing out in confusion ‘WHAT IS THIS???’...Am I going insane?

Why did I sacrifice so much, just to get these results? I wasn’t supposed to get this outcome...If this is one big failure, then who did I really make these choices for?”

Message: Pile four, I hear you, and I am so proud of you for making space for your existential crisis. The answer to your questions is stop saying no to yourself and to start saying no to them. 

This path was never for you, but with all of that pressure pressed against you to create a life for others to live vicariously through is difficult to avoid, but your life isn’t over, this “big failure” is your chance to start a new beginning. Start saying yes to your own happiness, say yes to your sanity. Cut the puppet strings, and be free in your own truth, doing what you love and loving what you do. 

Release those emotions that you were conditioned to not feel, and relish in what makes you the most passionate, unapologetically. Life isn’t meant for us to work 24/7 to reach an ideal image of success, in fact, many have died trying to by neglecting the same heart that was begging them to stop, because there’s so much more than working a monotonous routine that isn’t even for you. There’s no logic in being care free, stop taking your true self for granted and just flow with whatever will make your heart sing.

[kshira]

—filthy rich

a bet//making you cum//rich boy sakusa//that’s it//that’s the tweet

18+ content//minors dni

wc: 2,066

18+ content, cursing, f!reader, blushy sakusa, fingering, soft dom sakusa (?), alcohol consumption, mentions of alcohol, reader slightly buzzed, smut in general

+ this is my piece for the rich boy collab, i thank @bakugohoex for letting me join & be sure to check out the rest of the wonderful event!

//“wanna make a bet, pretty boy?” atsumu grins, raising his glass to his lips, raking his eyes over the crowds of people until he makes you his target.

“the bet being?” sakusa says, meeting eye contact with you then bashfully taking the gaze away.

“well i’m bored, a little horny and that pool girl over there looks pretty fuckin’ hot” atsumu takes the glass gulping the last of the whiskey before slamming it back down.

sakusa shutters when he hears the glass crack at the metal table, his nerves are building but the alcohol soothes it—somewhat.

lavish cars fill his garages, endless expensive clothes pack sakusa’s closets, and the infinity amount of money suffused his bank account.

yet sakusa doesn’t understand why he feels numb, his money attracts everything and anyone—his bed never stays empty neither does his wallet but his soul—hollow.

“lets see who can fuck her first but more importantly who can make her cum first” atsumu wipes the brown liquor from his lips before giving sakusa a little push “you first omi.”

sakusa stumbles forward but takes the stride into your path around the pool, slowly walking in your direction watching you scoop the towels from vacant chairs and wiping down tables as you go.

“you do an exceptional job.. as a pool girl..fuck why did i say that, hi hello” sakusa covers his pink covered cheeks, eyeing the way your hips sway a certain way as you finish wiping down a chair.

“is this your way of hitting on me?” you chuckle, turning around to face the unknown force behind you—unexpectedly he wasn’t an old creep this time.

sakusa was in no doubt a beautiful man but where to start? that was what your eyes kept doing.

you started with his hair, the way he certainly tried to mask the curls in gel but the summer heat brought them spiraling down over his face, his pale skin adorned his muscles carved within and the most catching part you found about him was those beauty marks perfectly placed on his face.

“what time do you get off?” sakusa avoids your eyes when he mutters the words out, of course he knows he’s attractive but rejection never settled well with him.

“mm, well if you rub me just right i usually get off pretty quickly” you try to conceal the smile you have watching sakua’s eyes widen by your bold statement, you notice it doesn’t take much to get a reaction from him—you wonder that with other parts of him.

“j-just give me your number and text me when you get off— off work” sakusa coldly states and turns around as quickly as he got there leaving a confused look from you and a hysterical atsumu in the background.

you had seen this famous sakusa before, anybody flocked to him at every social event you unfortunately attended for the filthy disgusting rich, cleaning up behind them and taking their harsh coated words just for the sake of a little bit of money.

sakusa was placed in this group by his fame nonetheless and the staggering amount of money he’d collected through his growing career, so fuck it you think, might as well play this game he’d started—eat the rich instead of them devoring you for a change.

your text to sakusa left unanswered for a brief moment to give you some time to unwind and relax including a well deserved bottle of expensive champagne and a hot shower.

but as the alcohol finally started soaking in your phone lit up and the engine of a car in your apartment complex turned off.

kiyoomi sakusa was here, with all that fame and glory.

he was casually leaning on a ferrari, typical you thought for him to pull up in a car more expensive than anything you owned all together—filthy rich with the looks to double the amount.

“come in” you wave him into your apartment, watching him check his phone again and stride to your spot right inside your home.

“interesting..place” sakusa grunts, taking his shoes off and the door and shyly walking closer to the living room before planting his heavy body down on the couch.

“not up to your standards i guess?” you joke, crawling beside him on the couch, your fingers grazing his chest for stability—he’s nervous with a sweat beading around his dark curls and that tint of pink on his cheeks you’ve started to like on him.

“enough of the small talk, you know why i’m here we texted enough to get on first name basis and for you to know i’m not a creep or anything but—“ sakusa pauses to watch your expression, wide eyed and full of curiosity it kind of pains him to explain further.

“go on” you hum, swiping a piece of hair behind your ear scooting closer to him and to add a little bit of spice your hand stays dormant on his thigh.

“it was a bet to sleep with you but that’s something that we don’t have to do or anything like that—the other part of the bet is useless to talk about but i just had to make it look like i was actually doing the bet so i wouldn’t get ragged on by my friend..” sakusa is afraid to look at you, his eyes staying down at the floor memorizing the patterns of the hardwood floor.

“the bet.. what’s the other part?” you’re genuinely curious but if anything the fact that this rich boy is wanting to walk away in shame and defeat has you wondering—tasting for something else.

“to..make you.. c-cum and i was chosen to go first” sakusa leans back on the couch, wanting to melt into it entirely from embarrassment.

“is that so? i did say it didn’t take much to get me off” you smile back, peeling his large palms from his red cheeks to see a sly smile hiding under it.

“it’s been awhile for me so don’t have great expectations” sakusa chuckles interlocking his fingers with yours and moving inches closer till your lips can just almost touch.

there wasn’t time to take in his kiss when his tongue already started gently touching the walls inside your mouth, the sweet liquor still lingered and mixed with the champagne you had drunk; it was a divine taste.

sakusa went first taking his clothes off, starting with his shirt that colored your old wooden floors, his upper body was on display and fuck did it look good.

the ridges that filled his stomach formed remarkable abs, his skin flashed an ivory stain and those beauty marks created mini constellations all over.

an idea had tainted your mind for awhile, his beautiful body so clean and pure— needed something on it.

“do you mind if i pour this champagne on you?” your finger taps on the glass whilst your other hand draws circles on his bare chest.

“if you clean up the mess you’re going to start” sakusa holds his bottom lip between his teeth as you’d already started pouring the golden liquid all over his stomach.

“i planned to” your tongue drags away the champagne, licking all where it flows but never leaving his skin—you can feel sakusa’s body tremble at every lap you place on him and the bulge under your ass keeps growing bigger.

you gaze up to see him and a hazed lustful sakusa groans back at you, his cheeks dusted pink all over again with that growing bulge under you throbbing at this point.

“do you want me to go further? since you haven’t done this in awhile i can—“ you wince when sakusa pulls your face up by your cheeks, his palms practically swallowing your face whole.

“i said i haven’t done this in a while not that i don’t know how to fuck you” he takes you in another kiss, devouring your lips with his own swirling his tongue around the champagne laying shallow in your mouth.

sakusa decided the sweet taste isn’t enough, he’s growing tired of his hardened dick just rubbing under you, he needs release soon.

“tell me, how does a pool girl like you have chardonnay champagne?” sakusa smirks, pulling your flimsy shirt off to reveal your tits; you shake from the exposed air fluttering to your skin leaving your nipples perked to a draw.

“i think compensation like expensive drinks are well deserved after dealing with rich fucking pricks all day” sakusa leans down listening to your reply, kissing your bare skin till he reaches your breasts.

“this rich fucking prick is about to fuck you though, you pretty little thing” his tongue wraps around one nipple sucking so slightly, you dance your fingers through the strands of his curls—the moan that escaped from your throat define that sakusa is in command.

“f-fuck feels good” you squeak, your voice stays rippled in your lungs—you don’t want to feel this good by a lick or a touch but the way sakusa is treating your body it’s a reflex now.

sakusa moves on to the other perked nipple, treating this one with more attention and while you’re caught up in the pulses your pussy is vibrating he slowly slings his hand down to your shorts, slipping them off and sinking one finger in.

“fuck—so wet, wet for me huh?” he groans into your tits, taking action in your messy hole, scissoring and moving with ease he’s already able to slip another one right in.

you want to answer him but you just don’t care too, you’re so caught up feeling his tongue trace a rotation on your perked breasts and his fingers plunging in your velvet walls that whatever you want to say fills right in with the orgasm you’re about to pull out.

sakusa feels you clamping down on his thick fingers, he knows you’re about to cum and he could walk away right afterwards with his winning bet but with your mouth agape, eyes glossy from the pleasure and you moaning for nobody but him—he wants inside of you.

you're reaching the top of your peak fast, your flowing essence tingling down your toes all you think about is him, his thick fingers and when you start to cum all on his fingers now you’re thinking about his dick.

“taste so good, so fucking good” sakusa pulls away from your cunt, his fingers soaked with the tips of them dripping in your cum and going right in his mouth.

god, did he have to do that?

“want you—want you in me now” you plead, palming at his pants and rubbing at his still stiff cock; you’re no one to beg but fuck you’re doing it now.

“such a good girl for me letting me make you cum, this time i’m gonna cum with you, yeah?” sakusa places a kiss on cheek trailing down your neck while he slips the rest of his clothes off and with the last drop of his clothes off you feel his knees dip in on the couch around you and that first stroke in.

of course measured with his height you’d known he’d be big but that soothing burn into your soaking pussy was the pure, uneducated guess he’d be this big.

but fuck did he reach that spot you couldn’t touch with your fingers, the way he’d bend your knees straight to your chest to get right at your cervix and you’d be goddamned if his dick didn’t rub right in your clit for safe measures.

“i’m not going to last when you feel this good but fuck i wanna” sakusa heaves, bringing his chest flushed to your knees, pressing down harder so he’s so balls deep he’s connected one with your soul.

“you gonna cum so soon huh? cum in this pussy” you moan out, digging nails in him and clenching so hard it’s cutting the blood flow down below on him.

“yeah? that what you want? fill this messy hole with my cum? god you’re so something else” sakusa fucks you faster till his balls are slapping at your wet thighs and his breathing matches with his speed.

“i’m gonna cum, i can’t hold it—fuck!” he bites down on your shoulder before stalling to fill you entirely up.

with a bet like this, you wonder how his other friend is going to fuck you//

[astromaki]

part 3 of second choice ; ceo!shoto todoroki x gn!reader (x ceo!katsuki bakugo) (1617 words)

part 1. part 2. (previous) part 4.

tw ; angst, arranged marriage, toxic relationship, degradation, divorce, mention of alcohol, bad language, slightly suggestive ?

EXTRA INFOS ;; all the characters are aged up obviously (they are 30 here), the point of view of this third part is from shoto todoroki !

confrontation. [7 : 16 pm]

a week has passed since he came home that night drunk. that he had begged momo to stay with him. that he had accidentally seen those divorce papers crumpled by your hands.

momo had seen them too that night, and yet she and shoto had not commented on them. good, he wasn't in the mood anyway.

it had become almost official, even the media had it on their front pages. "one of japan's richest couples on the verge of divorce?", "billionaire todoroki single again?" "y/n, will the heir.ess of their father's company return to being a lawyer?"

he would have liked to say that he cared what you thought about it. if you cried, screamed, were you hurt ? but that would be lying, you were the least of his worries.

and then, wasn't it what he wanted from the beginning ?

that you would end up hating him so much that you would leave him. that he could finally be free of the weight that you represented every day.

and yet his signature was still missing.

"you can't even love your partner properly, and now i hear through the media that a divorce is on the way ? you're pathetic son. i knew i should have married them to touya. " enji's heart-attack voice echoed terribly through the phone, which made shoto sigh. he was even pretty sure he could hear it from across town.

"calm down." shoto said in an annoyed tone. "your marriage isn't a success either, so keep your remarks to yourself. bye. "

"you idiot, don't you dare hanging up on me. i don't care if you can't satisfy your s/o, i don't care if they feel bad about this arranged marriage either. but y/n y/l/n comes from a very famous lawyer's family, so get a divorce and the amount of money you have to give will be huge. "

"i manage them, it will not be a problem. i have to go now. "

the young man finally returned to your room, looking exhausted, his tie loosened and ready to down a few glasses of whiskey.

however, he was surprised to see you. dressed in a beautiful versace dress/suit, you were glowing. well no, he meant that you looked... good.

though, it was the first time he took the time to look at you. to admire you.

the young man finally met your indifferent gaze through the mirror you were standing in front of. that gaze that was so joyful and sparkling at the beginning of your marriage, full of hope to transform this purely financial union into a love marriage.

but that look, devoid of emotion, almost made shoto, Japan's most ambitious ceo, doubt himself. almost.

"i'm surprised you're still using my card to splurge. how much is this one? $1000 ? $2000 ?"

he was tired, exhausted. nut the truth is he was in the mood to be a pain in the ass tonight.

"$ 8,330. plus the $800 pair. " you replied coldly.

your answer was like a slap in the face to your husband. not because of the price, he didn't give a fuck about this.

but this tone right there. it wasn't like you. you were normally so gentle, patient even with the worst of the crap he put you through. that naive kindness that made him want to vomit was completely gone. he didn't expect such a turn of events.

"so you decide to divorce me, but first you want to empty my bank account? you're exactly as I imagined." his look that used to reflect nothing but fatigue was now full of contempt for you.

you finally faced him. shit, he couldn't help but find you beautiful.

"here todoroki, let's talk about the divorce. " you began, quietly walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a stack of documents. "i've signed it, sign it, and i'll take it to my lawyers first thing in the morning.

he snatched them out of your hand and threw them across the room. you didn't even flinch, you even held his gaze. poker face.

a loud silence fell between you. a long silence, uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. heavy and light. sensible and meaningless.

"what's all this about ? who put you up to this ?"

a wry laugh escaped your lips. your new behavior puzzled shoto. he loved and hated what he had in front of him. a challenge.

"you think i need someone to make me realize that i deserve better than an asshole like you ? fuck, let me laugh. "

your hand went to retrieve a piece of paper from your purse. and it was slammed hard against his chest. bakugou’s business card.

he found your face inches from his, your warm breath gently caressing his cheeks. a scent of whiskey filled his nostrils. you were not sober.

"how many drinks are you on? " he asked quietly.

"so now do you care if i downed a whole bottle or not ? oh please shut up. because now that you mention it, your friend bakugou katsuki may have hired me. to be his company's business lawyer. isn't that funny? "

you turned your back on him, unaware of the state you'd put him in. but damn, it was like he'd just been slapped in the face. nausea took over his whole body, his legs became heavy and weak in few seconds only. and he knew damn well it wasn't fatigue.

so you were leaving him, but on top of that you were going to work for his number one competitor ?

he didn't know what hurt more, the knowledge that bakugo had won one of the most competent lawyers in the field or that you were leaving him for him ? was he jealous ? surely not, it was another feeling that repulsed him. he didn't even know.

"have you lost your tongue todoroki ?"

todoroki ? since when did you call him by his last name ? where are the darlings or my heart that used to annoy him so much ?

you finish getting ready, now wearing your long jacket. he had lost his tongue indeed, he didn't know what to say to you. what to do.

y/n y/l/n, you had succeeded in putting your husband to the wall.

but it was only for a moment. he quickly, too quickly, pulled himself together. his usual irritated expression returned.

"you don't see that he's using you to get ahead of me ? i thought you were smarter than that. "

he took a step forward, slowly but surely. like a predator approaching its prey.

"he doesn't care about you. just like no one has ever cared about you, not me, not him and not your bourgeois family. that's why they put you in a loveless marriage so easily. "

a mirthless laugh escaped from his lips.

"y/n, this bastard doesn't give a damn about you. "

you tried to move towards him, ready to slap him, but the alcohol made you capsize and stumble on your carpet. he arrived just in time to support you with his muscular arms. an annoyed sigh resounded in the large room when your sob reached his ears.

nevertheless, a petty smile stretched his lips. there you were again, the fragile and unassertive y/n finally in his arms.

that bakugo had managed to turn your brain inside out. yet shoto knew you better than anyone else. he knew you. better than you knew yourself. you were that puzzle he had managed to decipher long ago.

"that's not true. kacchan wouldn't do that...", you whisper.

"you know i'm right, sweetheart. you know i'm the only one who's honest with you. my love for you is all you need. "

his muscular hand gradually, peacefully, came to caress your back to take off the buttons of your dress. his lips came to meet yours, to draw you into a long, languid, unsentimental kiss. your lips asked for more, your whole soul asked for more of shoto. more of this man for whom your heart never stopped beating. even if his was vibrating for another woman.

you wanted to feel his lips making love to you sensually, sincerely.

you just wanted him to love you for one night. one fucking night.

shoto was ecstatic. he could already see himself opening a bottle of champagne with his father, to celebrate the divorce that would never happen. tonight, shoto had brought out his best acting skills. millions were at stake. he had brought out his best kiss. he had never touched you like that. so gently, so carefully.

he had never called you by any affectionate nickname.

he has done too much to keep you around.

and you were drunk, not stupid.

you finally stood up, moving away from him, reluctantly. nothing he said was true. from his love for you, to his accusations against katsuki.

awkwardly, you put your dress/suit back on properly.

"i have a meeting with my future employer mr. bakugou tonight. i'll be late. don't wait for me, i'll sleep at the hotel tonight, with your card. "

a red color came to his cheeks. anger ? sadness ? jealousy ?

he had never seen you so determined, so proud. and that attracted him. he was going to lose millions, no matter what. but it was you who was going to escape him. for that bastard bakugou katsuki.

the nice little y/n was no longer shoto todoroki's.

AHHH omg sorry sorry i told you i can't do a fluffy end!! >< (comments and reblogs are appreciated <3)

🔖 tag list ; @nveusii @angelofthorr @missmolliemoo @jazzylove @loki-an-idiot @deepestranchgoopdeputy @mhasimp666 @shotorozu @chscklvr @devilsbooksworld @marshmallow12345 (ones in bold cannot be tagged)

[shotorozu]

you have people simping for you

characters : midoriya izuku, shinsou hitoshi, todoroki shouto

fic type : headcanons [fluff, kinda spicy in one part]

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, all might’s daughter reader in izuku and shouto’s part. (telekinetic quirk mentioned briefly)

notes : yeah so.. i’m still emptying my requests, SO TO THE ANON THAT REQUESTED DONT WORRY I’LL DO IT :)) also i didn’t post yesterday because it,, didn’t feel appropriate to be writing about anime characters, meanwhile someone’s life has been taken from them because of something they didn’t even do??

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midoriya izuku

okay, so this is how things happened

you know on tiktok, some people make those “___ hits different here” videos

yeah, that’s your type of simp

in short— you blew up on tiktok and you didn’t even know.

does izuku have tiktok? tbh he doesn’t look like the type, but he’d have it for sure

but because everyone in the hero course is so busy, he rarely goes on it

but his fyp is full of all might for sure

anyway, he has some spare time— and you’re still washing up the plates from dinner and you begged him to rest

so, he’s scrolling, and he sees

you??

but the context was “all might’s daughter hits different here.” and its a clip of you from the sports festival just breathing

(it was you with the doja cat streets audio)

izuku was like 😳

he later discovers that you have an entire hashtag dedicated to you.

he’s always seen you as attractive but he wasn’t aware that you had an entire hashtag

he’s shook

so you walk in and he’s like 👁👁 looking at you like a million flashbacks are playing in his brain

and you look at his phone, and you realize it.

lowkey, he got jealous of the comments, and got a little down like a sad puppy

but he comes to realize that you’re his, and he knows you won’t trade him for anything else

(he posted one video flexing you, and he kept it up for an hour before he took it down. it got like.. 500k views)

shinsou hitoshi

kinda smug, kinda insecure

like yeah, you’re hot.

he’s definitely seen people eye you as you pass by them

and it’s priceless to see their reaction upon seeing your face for the first time.

people’s genuine reaction to seeing your pretty face makes him proud.

and he kinda teases you for it “you see that kitten? they’re drooling over you y’know.”

“shut up ‘toshi”

but.. did he know you had an entire side on tiktok? no.

he’d assume that’s a celebrity thing, but you know how this generation is like..

shinsou again, is on skater tiktok, so he’d probably stumble upon you somehow by accident

because his fyp is kinda full of pretty girls, but he always scrolls when he sees them, so don’t worry :))

clicking on your hashtag, he sees people literally simping over you catching your breath in the sports festival

and you just.. standing there

damn, they need to touch some grass

but ngl, you’re hot. the music makes you hotter, and the edits make you hotter

you’re just.. hot

he’s proud that people have finally recognized you, and there’s a mutual agreement that yes—

Y/N is a hottie

but!! is he a little worried you’ll leave him for someone else because of these simps? there are people constantly hitting you up

but oh boy, does shinsou need to know that he’s the only one you need

and he WILL duet one of those simp videos, showing you off.

todoroki shouto

is this how you feel like everyday?

i mean.. a lot of people simp for him too, he’s just.. not conscious of it.

being all might and endeavor’s child means something, and it means that you’ll probably appear in the media at least once.

you both casually cause some bi panic

shouto doesn’t have tiktok because.. why have tiktok when he has you, y’know?

he finds out when the bakusquad is staring at an edit of you

he’s a little confused as to why some stranger made an edit of you just.. sitting down

but!! it hits so much harder ngl

does he become a little protective because of these tiktoks? maybe.

he trusts you a lot, but.. grr.

at least now shouto knows how you feel whenever some fangirl simps over him openly

won’t really tell you about Y/N-tok or all might’s daughter tiktok as an entirely separate conversation.

but he’ll just bring it up one day while you’re rambling to him while cuddling

“you’re tiktok famous.”

“huh? i don’t even have a tiktok.” you’re not allowed to have a public account bc of your dad, so how are you famous on tiktok??

“you are though. a lot of people think you’re pretty.”

“oh really?”

“yeah. i think you’re beautiful. so i can’t be too mad at them.”

“too mad??” you ask, and he’ll just hide his face— expression bashful.

“i won’t leave you,” you laugh, peppering kisses on his cheek, “you’re a lot better than faceless people on the internet.”

will post a video of you, and he’ll be like 🧍they’re mine

and it’ll get 1.9M views

in short- shouto deals with it just fine, since you deal with shouto’s fangirls on a daily basis anyway.

　　　　　　　

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likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing

do not plagiarize my work :))

[adelheidvonschicksal]

182 Centimeters | Tall!F!Reader x Surprise

A great boon has been bestowed upon Aoi Todo. First, he got to meet Takada in person. Second, he gained a brother. Third, he was able to fight a special grade all in one month.

Is there anything else that could make this trip perfect?

Todo didn't think so until he lays eyes on you, standing in the middle of the hallway with luggage tucked under one arm and the other holding onto a rolling suitcase. He remembers now about Mai mentioning a late edition transfer student who was going to be joining in the school games a little late. He only wishes Mai had warned him about the other thing about you. The fact that you are an amazon in the flesh.

"She has to be 187," Todo thinks upon first seeing you and sizing you up from a respectable distance. "No, she's definitely closer to 185. Definitely, 185," he corrects as he tries to measure you by judging how far your head was away from the top door frame. When he glances down at your feet, he realizes his stupid mistake and smacks himself on the forehead. "I'm such an idiot. I forgot about her shoes." Taking your soles into account, he finally narrows down your height range. You have to be 182cm. An even 6 feet. That makes you taller than even Takada!

Todo's eyes widen upon the realization.

You had half his attraction factor right there; and with his help in training, you would definitely have the second half. He knows plenty of exercises that would make your ass look great and have the rest of your body strong enough to toss any curse. You guys could make training into dates, and dates would lead to the two of you making kissy faces. Aoi can already picture it. Naturally, you'd be admiring him, shirtless and glistening with sweat, unable to take your eyes off him. Then, you'd grow embarrassed when he would call you out on it and try to look away like you were never staring in the first place. Luckily for you, he wouldn't mind if you wanted to look at his chiseled chest a little while longer. Or better yet, touch it. 

Todo isn't sure what he's done to deserve such luck. Perhaps the world is rewarding him for finally breaking his record of 1000 sit-ups in an hour or maybe it's the limited-edition lucky Takada-chan charm that arrived in a mail a week earlier working its magic?

Either way, this might be the best year of his life, Todo decides.

That is until he hears a familiar voice. 

"Hey there! How are you doing?" Yuuji asks loudly as he walks up to your person. Todo should've known. Of course, his brother would sense best girl material walking into the building.

"My name is Yuuji. What's yours?"

"I'm (Name). I'm a new student here. I'm a little lost actually. Could you help me out?"

Even your voice sounds so cute! You were so perfect.

That means Yuuji had no chance with the way he was doing things now. Despite Todo wanting you for himself, he could never leave his brother to make such an embarrassment of himself. If the two of them are to battle for your love, it has to be a fair battle.

"Yeah, the dorms are thi—" Yuuji yelps as he's suddenly tugged away from you and dragged around the nearest corner, leaving you in a confused state where you stood.

"What’s the big idea?" Yuuji asks, breaking free from the grasp that held him.

"I'm trying to save you, brother! What do you think you're doing walking up to a woman like that so casually?" Todo asks.

It takes Yuuji a few seconds to realize that Todo meant you were the woman that couldn't be so casually spoken to since he's fairly sure you're a first-year like him. "I'm pretty sure she's the same age as us, dude."

This is worse than he thought. He's definitely going to have to give Yuuji the rundown on how to properly ask a girl out. "That doesn't matter. She's still a lady that requires finesse if you're going to try to ask her out," Todo says. 

Sadly, they are too busy in their discussion to notice you getting impatient for Yuuji to return or to notice another one of your classmates passing them and heading in your direction. You are just thankful to finally have someone help walk you to your dorm and not ditch you instead.

For the rest of the day, Yuuji is stuck with Todo lecturing in his ear. The first time being at the baseball game against the Kyoto school.

"First, you need to set the mood. And by mood, I mean you need to get her attention on you. Do something to impress her without her knowing you're trying to impress her," Todo instructs as you round home base on long legs, which Todo claims is made for a goddess. You were able to get a score for the team thanks to Fushiguro's sacrifice bunt, and the two of you take a seat in the dugout.

"Shouldn't you be helping your team?" Yuuji asks Todo after seeing him compliment your score. Todo sighs. Obviously, Yuuji needs more lessons. 

Eventually, Yuuji steps up to the plate for his turn. Naturally, he hits a home run. As he rounds home, he sees you applauding loudly. Your eyes perfectly on him. It definitely feels good to have a cute girl's attention, and Yuuji realizes that he did really want to ask you out. He wonders if Todo thinks that's a good way to set the mood.

The next time Todo decides to instruct Yuuji is after they all take their showers and decide to rest up before dinner. "Next, you need to leave a letter under her door. Something to pique her interest and make her want to meet up with you."

Luckily, Yuuji has seen this before in anime. "Right, right. I heard of that actually." He easily drafted a letter and slid it under your dorm door. It sounds like you're talking to someone else on the other side so Yuuji hopes you'll see it in time so the two of you can meet up in fifteen minutes.

"Finally, make sure the place you meet up is scenic," Todo says, nodding his head and closing his eyes to repeat the steps in his head as he follows his brother to the school's courtyard. Impress? Check. Letter? Check. Scenic meet-up place? Check.

It isn't until he feels Yuuji's hand on his shoulder and a quick thanks that Todo realizes his mistake. Yuuji rushes away from him to the other side of the courtyard where you're waiting with the letter in hand. 

"My name is Yuuji. I don't know if you remember me from class."

"Oh, yes, I know! You hit that homerun. It was really great."

Todo stands in shock. 

...He was so busy trying to teach that he actually forgot to pursue you first!

"Really? Thanks! I was just trying to make sure I actually hit it. I wasn't expecting it to go so far." Yuuji laughed. "So, (Name), I was wondering if you wanna go out together?"

Todo could cry. Actually, he already feels the tears coming down his face, but his brother could at least be happy. And if his brother is happy, that's all he needed!

"I'm sorry," you say sweetly. "I only showed up because I didn't want to stand you up, but the truth is I already like someone, and I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with someone when I have a crush on another person."

Todo's ears ring with your words. You already like someone!

"Oh, well, that's too bad, I guess. Thanks for telling me," Yuuji says with a disappointed yet understanding smile while Todo finds the opportunity to scoot in the middle of your conversation.

"Excuse me but your crush wouldn't happen to be on me by any chance?" he asks, hopeful.

You force a smile onto your face and tilt your head. "Sorry...Have we met?" you ask, nervously.

Todo gasps as he feels his world crashing down. Your date. Your marriage. Your kids. All gone, and it’s all black in his memory after that. The next thing he can recall is sitting in the eating area with Itadori. He remembers this heartache once before. "It's just like with Takada-chan..." he mumbles heartbrokenly.

"I told you already. We never went to the same middle school, and you never confessed to Takada," Yuuji grumbles, but Todo knows that Yuuji is only trying to make him feel better. He is so lucky to have such a good brother.

"Who...Who do you think it is anyway?"

Yuuji pauses.

He actually wonders that as well.

Then, they hear your voice ringing through the dining hall. Immediately, both sets of eyes are on you. 

"Fushiguro-kun, I wanted to thank you for helping me get settled into the academy. My mom gave me a buy one, get one free for a sushi place for when I made some friends, so...I was wondering if you wanted to be my plus one?"

Then, Yuuji finally gets it. He had been ignoring the small conversations happening around him the entire time thanks to Todo's interruptions.

The Hall.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for the dorms. Gojo-sensei was supposed to show me, but he got sidetracked so I've been sort of left on my own."

"Of course, he did. Geeze, that guy." Megumi sighs. "You can follow me. I'll show you where some empty rooms near the other girls are."

"Thank you so much! I'm (Name) by the way."

"Fushiguro," he states plainly and simply as you struggle behind him with your luggage. "Is that stuff heavy? Want me to help you carry it?"

”Yes. My arms got numb while I was waiting. Thank you so much!”

The Game.

"Out!" Gojo says. Fushiguro rounds first base to head back to the dugout, but you at least made it home to score. You head to the dugout as well.

"That's too bad, Fushiguro. You'll get it next time," you say, sitting next to him.

"As long as Kugisaki made it to second and you made it home then it's fine. I'm not really too hyped up on winning anyway."

”Oh. I was really looking forward to seeing you get one.”

”Too bad. Guess you’ll have to wait,” and by “wait” Megumi had meant probably not ever but you laughed anyway even though you had got what he meant. 

”I don’t mind waiting.”

The Dorms.

"Kugisaki-san said you could summon different shikigami animals."

"That's true."

"Would you mind showing me sometime? I love animals."

"What is your favorite?"

"I really like rabbits. Are you able to summon those?"

"Not at the moment, but I’ll show you when I learn it. How do you feel about dogs instead?"

”That cute dog was yours? That’s amazing.”

And now.

"Yeah, sure. I wasn't really in the mood for anything at school anyway," Fushiguro agrees, and your face lights up with a glow that could rival sunshine. Yuuji thinks if he squints he can see the anime hearts starting to dance over your head but Fushiguro didn't seem to mind.

Itadori could almost laugh. That's a new record in anyone ever befriending Fushiguro. The two of you must have hit it off really well. Yuuji smiles. In that case, he couldn't be upset. That must mean fate has something in store for you guys, and he didn't want to get in the way. "I guess girls really do like that cool, quiet type."

Meanwhile, Todo is crying in defeat. How could a woman like you like Fushiguro? 

"He's so boring though..."

[thrillridesz]

heart racing ▫ j.yn

in part of the adrenaline rush! collab hosted by @lucas-wongs​ + @ickjun​

⇢ pairing: jaehyun x reader (f) (ft. other nct members + twice’s jeongyeon)

⇢ genre: fluff, angst, racer!au, best friends to lovers

⇢ warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, mentions and consumption of alcohol, alcoholism, hitting rock bottom

⇢ synopsis: once a revered member of the racing industry, jaehyun has been living at rock bottom for the past few months following a tragic accident that effectively put him out of racing. it seems as though nothing would get through to him, not even you. will he ever break out of the constant loop of doubt and start seeing things for what they really are?

⇢ word count: 8.04k

⇢ fic playlist: get you to the moon - KinaBeats ft. Snøw | Amnesia - 5SOS | You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift | Confetti Falling - Big Time Rush | Go Season - Devin Bronson (highly recommended for the racing scene) | Love Story - Taylor Swift 

⇢ a/n : unedited! also posted on this account because I’m considering merging my nct account with my tbz writing blog also PLEASE check out the other writers’ works ^^ we’ve all worked hard on our fics

“Jaehyun, you’re ruining yourself.”

The dim room reeked of stale alcohol and something mouldy as the empty beer bottles that littered the floor clanged noisily against the surrounding furniture, leaking golden yellow liquid all over. Old, worn clothes were draped everywhere, stained and darkened with murky stains while the battered television flickered weakly to live, showing nothing but static. The walls were streaked and striated with scratches, as if someone had just been clawing desperately at them and on the floor amidst the empty glass bottles, were pieces of scrap poster paper. Sunlight peeks in through the drawn blinds, giving a teasing glimpse to the bustling outside world from the sad, decrepit apartment Jaehyun lived in.

Sprawled on the couch with nothing on except a wrinkled pair of jeans, Jaehyun’s eyes were devoid of emotion - blank and dazelike. In his hand, his fingers held on limply to the neck of yet another bottle of beer, possibly his nth for the day. His usually shiny hazel brown hair was greasy with filth and his bare chest was sticky with sweat from being cooped up all day in this tiny, stuffy apartment of his. His jawline was starting to grow a hint of stubble given how much he’d completely let himself go and dark circles were appearing underneath those intense eyes of his.

Slowly, Jaehyun lifted his gaze from the floor to look at you, the first flicker of emotions that he’d ever displayed in the whole day. You stood before him, arms akimbo, your gaze sharp and piercing. He smiled, a smile that held no mirth or happiness.

“Oh, you’re still here.”

You shook your head, ripping the bottle of beer from his grasp. As you approached, the bottles, clothes and torn pieces of paper on the ground almost made you trip and you tutted under your breath.

“Of course I am. I’m your best friend who is somehow still here with you. Best friends help each other.”

He chuckled nonchalantly, waving his hand at the door. “Well, feel free to leave then. I don’t need your help.” His eyes held a hint of anger as he did, something that did not escape your notice.

“Jaehyun,” you said softly, placing the bottle on a nearby table as you dread what was to come next. “Please, not this again.”

Your words only served to fuel the fiery spark of anger in his eyes as he said in a barely controlled tone, the irritation radiating from him in ripples that threatened to evolve into waves, “Why not? I’m a fucking wreck and a loser anyways. Leave like everyone else did. Leave like…” His voice wobbled, “leave like Jeongyeon did.”

Your heart fell and it took almost a godlike willpower not to let your emotions show. Was he still thinking about her?

“Jaehyun-”

“What? Are you gonna say I’m not a loser like you always do? Cut the fucking lies. Everyone out there is saying the same thing, what makes you think you can convince me that you’re not thinking it either? Hm?” He spat, the drowsiness in his demeanour dissipating fast as red hot anger replaced it. There was so much internal frustration within Jaehyun that just seeing him like this was enough to break your heart. It was one thing to see him in this terrible state but it was quite another to see him directing his anger towards you.

You drew in a deep breath, trying to calm your pounding heart and to stop the tears that pricked at the corner of your eyes. Having been there with him every step of the year ever since the both of you were children playing and horsing around the neighbourhood, you found yourself desperately missing those much simpler times and wondering how things became so wrong.

For as long as you could remember, Jaehyun had always been interested and had a natural flair for racing. There always existed a competitive streak in him that thrived off a challenge. It didn’t matter what it was, as long as it was a game that could have a clear winner or incited competitiveness, he was all up for it. As kids, the two of you used to compete over everything, be it for the last popsicle in the convenience store down the street or past the gates of your school. It was as if racing was something he needed in order to live. It wasn’t until sophomore year of high school did Jaehyun decide to take his love for racing to a professional level. He began to dive deep into the motorsport industry, starting out as a mere rookie in auto racing. He never did apply to college, preferring instead to invest all his time into his newfound life career.

His rise to fame was quick, quicker than most. Within his first year, he had won a number of races, beating even some of the well known names in the sport. Every other month, he was winning trophies and exorbitant cash prizes which in return earned him the recognition of famous sponsors and racers. Bumper stickers from the various sponsors decorated the back of his ride and it was no time at all before Jaehyun began to don some of the most expensive sports gear on the tracks. With his smouldering good looks, he also appeared on the front pages of magazines and newspapers, all while attracting a loyal fanbase made up of both racing enthusiasts and adoring admirers.

To everyone else, he was the suave, handsome and effortlessly cool young racer who was practically born to race and to do it well but to you, he was your childhood friend… and your first love. In front of the flashing lights and cameras, Jaehyun knew his way around the crowd. He knew exactly when to flash one of his dazzling, dimpled smiles and how to work the crowd - it was just one of his innate charms. Yet, you knew that underneath that, that flashy, extravagant Jaehyun, was the Jaehyun you grew up with and had gradually fallen in love with.

As children, he was there for you whenever you needed him, always ready to lend a helping hand when he noticed that you were stuck in an unfavourable situation. You distinctly remember what had happened in second grade. It was a bright and warm summer’s day, the lovely scent of sweet peas floating in the air as the sun bore down on the earth. Pigeons flitted over the sidewalks, pecking at the cemented floor and the leaves of the oak trees that lined the streets rustled gently in the wind.

You fell with a loud and heavy thud on your bottom, feeling the leaves crunch noisily under your weight. Fear and trepidation coursed through your veins as you stared with eyes wide at your tormentors.

“Look at her, she looks pathetic. Do it, Johnny! Do it!”

A tall, hunkering boy flanked by his cronies stood over you, his dark, massive shadow engulfing you as you frantically scrambled backwards. Tears were beginning to stream down your face and a sharp pain shot up your spine with each move, owing to the impact of the fall. There were scratches on your hands as you dragged your palms over the rough gravel in an attempt to move away.

There was a malicious glint in Johnny’s eyes and his lips were curved into a devious smirk as he stared down at you, domineering and intimidating. The veins in his arms and hands were bulging angrily and as he clenched his fists, you felt your stomach sink. Your legs began to feel like jelly and your vision was beginning to blur from all the salty tears. You were struck with fear and the sense of helplessness you felt made you feel both ashamed and furious at yourself yet there was nothing you could do.

You held your hand up to shield yourself from the impending attack as the bully lifted up his fist.

“Hey! How about you pick on someone your own size?!”

The group of you turned to see Jaehyun, eyes blazing with anger as his chest heaved. His wind-swept hair hung over his eyes, a surefire sign that he’d run over and his cheeks were red from exertion. Even from afar, he was clearly no match to Johnny’s larger build, much less the whole lot of them.

“J-Jaehyun?” You spluttered, shocked.

“Who is this clown- Ow!” Johnny stumbled backwards as a rock pebble hit him on the head, promptly ricocheting off his forehead and bouncing onto the ground. His jaw was clenched in pain and when he removed his palm, a reddish bruise had blossomed and there was even a faint trace of blood. There was a split second of stunned silence before Johnny turned almost magenta with rage.

“GET HIM!” He roared and his cronies shook out of their daze, immediately going after Jaehyun who’d already ran a good distance before the reality of what had just happened set in. His mocking laugh rang through the afternoon amidst a cackle of profanities and threats yelled at him.

It was a laugh that remained in your memories all these years. It was a laugh that strengthened you, a laugh that spoke so much of willful courage and youthful rebellion which was everything you’d eventually come to associate with Jaehyun. That laugh was bright and so… him.

Yet now, you could see none of that playful mischief and vibrancy in those eyes. All that is left is emptiness.

“You’re not a loser, Jaehyun,” you began softly, “you never were in my eyes. You were a fighter.”

Those beautiful eyes you adored so much narrowed at you, his face twisted into a scowl.

“A fighter? Guess what, y/n?” He sneered, his voice dripping with venom. “I fought. I fought endlessly but did that work out for me? I threw in everything I could, every little thing. I worked hard and put in a hundred and one percent of my effort.”

You stared at him, your heart aching for him as a single tear began to roll down his cheek, tears of anger, indignation and pain.

“But did that work out? No, it didn’t. If anything, it left me a wreck. People out there call me a loser, a has-been and even my girlfriend has left me. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in, how much I fought because at the end of the day, everyone is only here because of what they think I am. They saw me as a champion, an up and coming and the moment I wasn’t anymore, they all dropped me in a heartbeat. What are you waiting for, y/n? Why the hell are you even still here?”

His words echoed through the empty apartment and out loud, it sounded bleak, harsh and biting. His anguished voice tore at your heart and as each word left those lips, it felt like your heart was slowly breaking apart. Neither of you said anything for a moment, locked in a silent, unspoken fight as he held your gaze steadily. His eyes were cold and there was the look of a broken man in them.

“I am here because I love you, Jaehyun,” you said finally, your voice quivering. “I don’t care who or what you are and it pains me to see you tear yourself down like this because I know you are not the loser you believe you are. I don’t know how much of this I can take, seeing you ruin yourself.”

You can see the slight softening in his eyes and you gritted your teeth.

“I’m going to go. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I can’t see you ruin yourself and be able to do nothing about it. I’m not strong enough for that.”

With that, you left the apartment before he could see the tears in your eyes.

The miserable, empty can of beer clattered loudly against the hardwood floor, the sound echoing through the dank apartment.

Jaehyun barely lifted an eyebrow, his fingers growing slack without him even knowing. He stared up at the dark ceiling, a hooded look in those once bright eyes. The stench that hung around him was growing more intense by the day and it was reaching a point whereby he could almost smell himself but there was nothing in him that seemed to care.

Sounds of active civilisation outside drifted in through the windows and occasionally, he’d hear the honking of angry drivers on the roads or the laughter of children playing at the playground at the courtyard below. Normally, he loved waking up to these sounds or at least when he wasn’t off to the race tracks, when he was relaxing with a book in his hands. Now however, he found them irksome, irritating and he wanted nothing more but to block them out. He wanted absolutely zero reminder of the world outside.

Grunting, Jaehyun dragged himself off the couch. As he trudged heavily back to his room where his comfortable bed beckoned to him, he turned to stare at the large, imposing front door where moments ago, you’d slammed shut as you left him to his own devices.

Guilt tugged at his heart and for a split second, Jaehyun contemplated running after you. When you left, there was an indescribable sense of hollowness that engulfed him in a way that he couldn’t quite understand or explain. The apartment was filthy, dark and small but somehow with you around just a few minutes ago, it felt just a little bigger, a little warmer. As much as he hated to admit it, his heart was calling to him to reach out to you, run after you. The crumpled look on your face haunted him but he shook the thought from his mind.

It would be better if you left him. If you knew what was good for you, you would.

The anger in him was beginning to resurface at the thought of everything that had happened over the past few months. His career plummeting on a downward spiral right after his recovery, the exact opposite of what was predicted by his agent.

He was born to race, his family and his friends had always told him so. He knew it himself, he could feel it in his blood, his bones, his spirit. Ever since he was little, Jaehyun had known that his career would have something to do one way or another with racing. As a child, he loved running, competing but most of all, he loved riding in his father’s pickup truck on the way to school. He loved the way the vehicle would zoom past the streets, overtaking other vehicles and he loved the feeling of the wind against his face. He loved the speed and everything about cars or racing. It felt natural for him to pursue a career in competitive racing and a natural he was.

After getting signed with a racing company, Jaehyun quickly rose to fame with his numerous championships, bagging trophies, medals and cash prizes in almost every event he participated in. Sports magazines and reporters would clamour over each other to score an interview with him. People wanted pictures with him, wanted him to sign an autograph for them.

He was the golden boy in the racing world, an untouchable.

In the racing world, everything goes a mile a minute and nothing waits for anyone. After the morbid crash at the June Tokyo Prix, Jaehyun had sustained several fractures to his ribs and a severe concussion that left him in the hospital’s intensive care unit bedridden for several months. The pain was unlike any other and every single move hurt immensely but what suffered more damage than he did was his career and his relationships.

Within months, the racing career he had so painstakingly built up for himself collapsed before him. Due to long inactivity, brands and sponsors began to drop him, slowly at first then steadily one by one. He was also constantly under the media’s scrutiny for a period of time, their cameras and microphones thrusted in his face while he lay helpless on the hospital bed. The bright flashes blinded him and the loud noises made his head pound and even now, he still remembered how that experience was like, shuddering every time it crossed his mind. It had taken Jaehyun countless hours of physical therapy before he could even think of racing competitively again.

Yet when he did, he quickly realised he never could revert back to his old self, the one who got off on adrenaline kicks while zooming along the tracks at breakneck speed, the one who only knew what it was like to win. He was slower, less coordinated. His body could no longer take the pressure racing would subject it too, or at least not quickly enough for him to make a full, stunning comeback.

The tabloids and news had run wild with his fall from grace, writing up horrible, demeaning articles about him. His rivals had mocked him to his face and he could even sense the visible disappointment from his fans emanating from the stands whenever he’d lost yet another race. The thing that really broke the camel’s back however, was when his girlfriend Jeongyeon initiated a breakup.

Jaehyun had hoped that things would turn for the better, never one to give up. He’d trained tirelessly everyday, pushing his brittle body to the limit. He never let up on himself, gritting his teeth through all the physical and mental pressure he had imposed on himself. When the final text was sent, Jaehyun could remember distinctly how hopeless and distraught he’d felt. It felt like his world, the empire he had so painfully and relentlessly crafted for himself from scratch was breaking bit by bit. To add salt to the wound, the next time he’d seen her on television, her body was plastered against his biggest rival, Yuta. Her arms were wrapped around his and her lips pressing against his cheeks with no shame whatsoever for the interviewer interviewing him, no sign of the girl who’d once told him that she loved him with all her heart.

What was once determination and naive hopefulness soon devolved into anger and resentment. Jaehyun began to let himself go and the change was drastic. Where there once existed a time whereby he’d rise from his slumber early to visit the gym, he now regularly slept well into the late afternoon. His diet began to consist largely of takeout, junk food and alcohol and his apartment got more and more cluttered by the day. He’d stopped contacting his friends and family, ignoring their calls and texts, preferring to fester in his own solitude. It wasn’t long before an odour had started to emit from his place, a nauseating mixture of stale pizza, beer and pure filth from the lack of showers.

His appearance was also no longer polished, but rather haggard as if he’d aged five years in a matter of months. He was beginning to lose his fit stature, the healthy glow he’d once been prized on by magazines and gossip columns dimming. It got to a point whereby Jaehyun had begun to avoid looking at his hideous reflection in the mirror, his self-hatred growing with each day.

A poster of him in his racing gear and his race car was tattered and wrinkled on the floor, stained with ketchup and soda. Staring at it blankly with eyes empty of any emotions whatsoever, Jaehyun swiped it up and in a swift moment, he tore it up with a large rip before trashing it somewhere on the floor.

Flopping onto his comforter, he almost moaned in pleasure as he sunk into the soft sheets. Reaching for the air conditioning control, a loud smack on the ground roused him from his hedonistic haze. His hair was sticking up in all directions as he peered over the edge of his bed to see a picture frame that had fallen from his night stand.

Holding it in his hands, he looked at it with a nonchalant air.

It was a picture of the both of you a few years ago, back when he was just kick starting his racing career. He hadn’t yet made a name for himself then as the two of you leaned in for the picture.

You had on a bright, illuminating beam on your face, your eyes alive and glittering with happiness. Your hair was down, wisps of it framing your face as the sun brought out the colour and shine of it. Next to him, you’d completely dwarfed in comparison. He had his arm around you, bringing you to his side and from the picture, Jaehyun could feel a smile begin to crack on his face at the comical height difference.

He’d looked completely at ease here, carefree with the recklessness and restlessness of the soul beneath shining through his dark eyes. His hair was wavy, styled down in that ridiculous fashion he wanted so badly to leave back in high school. He had worn a dimpled smile on his face, the look of someone who knew he was destined for greatness and believed in it.

Jaehyun was about to put the picture down when something caught his eye. He leaned in closer.

There was something about you. At first glance, it would have been clear that you were smiling for the camera but upon closer look, it looked as if you might be smiling at him instead. Your smile was softer, eyes gentler from the first time he’d seen the picture. It was the sort of smile that struck him in his heart, the kind of smile that would make its recipient feel loved, appreciated.

“I want to be a racer when I grow up.”

You turned to Jaehyun, eyes wide as saucers as you popped the ice popsicle out of your mouth.

“Why?”

He shrugged, still struggling with the wrapper of the popsicle. The two of you sat on the wooden bench, side by side as the other kids ran around the park, playing rounds of tag while their parents or babysitters sat watching over them. The sun was glaring down on the earth and though it was a great day to go out to play and sweat it out, it was also a perfect day to find an excuse to buy popsicles with what little pocket money your parents had given to you two. It wasn’t an opportunity to be missed.

“I really like racing. I don’t know if there’s anything else I’d want to be,” he said simply, grinning as he finally succeeded in breaking open the plastic.

You tried to hide the blush that was beginning to creep up to your cheeks, looking away from him.

“My mom says being a doctor is good.”

As soon as you said it, you immediately regretted your words. Jaehyun scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“No way! It’s so boring. Do you want to be a doctor?”

Quickly, you shook your head fervently. “No!”

“Then what do you want to be?” He asks curiously, sucking on his popsicle.

You are quiet for a while as you ponder over his question. What exactly do you want to be when you grow up?

“...A writer.” You said finally and he swiveled around to look at you, clearly not expecting your answer.

“A writer? Hm, why?”

“I just really like reading. I want to write interesting stories that people will like,” you take a tentative lick of your popsicle, the icy, sweet taste of apple flavouring coating your tongue, “Like fairytales!”

Jaehyun broods over your answer, seemingly deep in thought. For a moment, neither of you say another word as you sit together under the warm, sunny day, enjoying your popsicles.

“I want people to like me too.” He says suddenly, his eyes shining. “People will like my racing! I’m going to be a racer and people will like me to win!”

He hops to his feet, his popsicle raised as he made his declaration. There is a triumphant, toothy smile on his face and he says it with so much hope and gusto that you can’t help but feel drawn to his driven spirit. For a boy of five foot, there was a lot of motivation and energy in him and there was just something about him that got you transfixed.

Under the sunlight, his smile seemed almost blindingly bright with the shadows highlighting the charming dimples on those round cheeks. The butterflies in your stomach were going crazy and your heart began to pound. Your words seemed stuck in your throat and you choked out, “I t-think you’ll make a good racer, J-Jaehyun.”

You thought your heart might burst as his smile grew wider, his dimples making deeper indentations. It felt like the sun might just be a little too hot since your face felt like it was positively flaming.

“Thank you, y/n.”

Suddenly, something caught your eye and shakily, you pointed at him.

His smile dropped as his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“What?”

“Y-your popsicle is m-m-melting… down your a-arm.”

The elevator button made an uncharacteristic squeaking sound as Jaehyun jabbed repeatedly at it, his jaw clenched in impatience.

“Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up,” he muttered frantically under his breath, pacing the lift lobby. The red letters above the elevator were moving at a snail’s pace and it seemed as if it’s stopped to pick up some passengers on the 5th floor. How long does it take for people to move into an elevator?

Jaehyun groaned in annoyance as he watched the number on the display crawl up slowly.

This wouldn’t do. By the time it’s here, it would be too late.

Immediately, he sprinted for the stairs instead, his heart hammering against his chest.

There was great fanfare as the rowdy crowd erupted into raucous cheers, the large, industrial sized party poppers going off with a bang, covering everyone in glitter streamers and confetti. Cameras were flashing and clicking away at every corner while throngs of sports reporters flooded the holding area, all trying to reach the champions for their coveted exclusive interviews. Agents and pit crews were all celebrating with the sound of champagne bottles popping and yells and cheers of congratulations ringing through the air.

Jaehyun stood at the top of the podium, shooting the cameras his trademark stunning grin as he posed with his golden trophy that looked to be about the size of his torso. The racing suit he was wearing was uncomfortably hot and he wanted nothing more than to strip from it but the adrenaline and euphoria he was experiencing far surpassed any feelings of discomfort.

This was it, the taste of success. It was everything he lived for, raced for. This was why he always trained so hard, from dawn to dusk. This was why he put his own body through all those hours of endurance training, gym and dieting. It was all for this single moment of true bliss enjoyed and savoured after the extreme thrill of racing. Here on the podium, towering above everyone else… He was truly where he needed to be, where he was born to be.

As he stepped off and the bodyguards swarmed in to escort him to his own holding room, Jaehyun couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. Yet another trophy for display on his shelf back in his apartment. He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of it, the feeling of winning but then again who would?

Reporters were attempting to accost him at all sides, all screaming out the same old questions he had grown tired of early on.

“How do you feel after winning the prix for the third year running?”

“You hit a record timing today! How did you train for the race?”

“What do you have to say to your rival, Nakamoto who came in second this year? By a mere few seconds at that!”

Jaehyun nodded and waved at a few of them, still wearing a smile on his face but there was no answer evoked from him. He’d kept up a calm and cool demeanour throughout but once he was in his holding room alone, the moment the door closed shut behind him, he let out a loud, jubilant howl.

“Fuck yes!” He roared out in happiness before collapsing onto the couch, laughing to himself as he held his trophy above him. He badly needed a shower but he couldn’t care less, not with the trophy in his hands. Under the light, the gold shone and even as a seasoned racer, the excitement and happiness from winning never grew old. In the empty room, the victory felt even more profound, the reality of claiming the championships for yet another year sinking in.

He was in the middle of celebrating and basking in his own victory, he received a text.

Jy: how’s my man doing? congratulations on the win honey ❤️

Jae: thanks babe, it feels fucking amazing. you have no idea… also i missed you so much

Jy: we should celebrate. together, alone. tonight at my place? ;) we haven’t done it in awhile, i miss your body, your kisses

Jaehyun stared at the text. He should be happy, excited to see Jeongyeon again after so long. He had been so preoccupied with training for the big race that he’d barely had any time for her. He had missed her yet now that they were finally exchanging texts again after so long apart, he didn’t seem to feel the same anticipation.

There was something about that text she sent that seemed weirdly… detached. He had imagined their first interaction in over a month to be one that warmed him up in the inside, brought him to a whole new level of euphoria even after winning but if anything, this reality paled in comparison to the scenario he had looked forward to in his mind.

Jae: yeah sure

After pressing send, he tossed his phone onto the coffee table and rested his head against the velvety cushion of the couch. Somehow, that very short exchange with Jeongyeon had dimmed his excitement and readiness to celebrate.

His phone suddenly rang, disrupting him from the reverie he’d found himself in.

“Must be Jeongyeon,” he thought to himself and for some reasons as he swiped to answer the call, he found himself reluctant to talk.

“Hello?”

“Jung Jaehyun! I was watching your race on television, congratulations for coming in first yet again! You were terrific out there.”

Y/n.

Jaehyun smiled, feeling his heart swell at your words.

“Thanks, y/n. I really appreciate it.”

“How about we meet for dinner tonight? I know of this amazing Italian place that serves the best lasagna, your favourite! My treat too to celebrate your win, how’s that?”

At the mention of lasagna, Jaehyun could feel his stomach rumbling and his mouth watering. The tangy tomato sauce, copious amounts of cheese and spiced minced beef with soft pasta… He would absolutely be down for some well-deserved lasagna after weeks of feasting on plain, watery salads. Dinner sounded like a great idea.

“Sure, I- Wait, I can’t,” he groaned, suddenly remembering his plans with Jeongyeon. Plans he didn’t even particularly look forward to.

“Why not?” You asked.

“I um…”

Fuck, why is it so hard to say it?

“I have plans with Jeongyeon tonight,” he said, ignoring the strange pang of guilt and indignation that hit him square in the chest.

“Oh! Oh, uh… That’s completely fine. Don’t worry about it, we can always have dinner some other day.”

“Really? That would be great! How does next week sound?”

“Sounds good to me!” Even on call, he could imagine you bobbing your head enthusiastically like you usually did and that brought a chuckle out of him.

“Alright, I’ll see you then y/n.”

“See you! Please rest well, you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he replied before hanging up.

What is this warm feeling in him?

Jaehyun raced out of the apartment complex, his eyes searching his surroundings.

The sun was glaring and he couldn’t see straight without squinting his eyes. He must have been a weird sight to behold - scruffy, pale from the lack of the outdoors and reeking of the garbage piled up in his apartment. An elderly woman walking past him tutted disapprovingly at his disheveled appearance, holding her nose as she did but Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice her. His mind was on something else, something more important.

A boy from across the street was staring at him with his mouth agape, looking like a deer caught in headlights as he shakily fumbled in his pockets for his phone. Jaehyun let his sights linger on him, wondering if he should have at least thrown on a coat but as he turned, he caught sight of a figure hanging by the bus stop, looking miserable.

He swallowed thickly, feeling the slight clench of his heart and without hesitating a single second longer, he made his way over.

The heart monitor’s methodical beating was driving him near insanity. If not that, then certainly the suffocating atmosphere of the hospital and the bandages wrapped tightly around almost every single inch of his body would. Not to mention the occasional undercover paparazzi who would try to inch their way into his ward.

Jaehyun stared up at the white ceilings, still as a plank. Every part of his body hurt to move, he couldn’t even turn his head without feeling a painful pounding in it. Sometimes, he would get dizzy spells so intense he actually felt nauseous. His appetite for food or anything in general had since plummeted. Everything, but racing.

He yearned to go out there onto the tracks, to resume his training. The Roman Prix is coming up in a month’s time and he was so far from ready. He needed to get out of this place as soon as possible, even if it meant jeopardising his own safety. His career mattered more than anything.

Jeongyeon hadn’t called either since the day he got admitted. Jaehyun had soon grown tired of checking his messages or asking his publicist for news from her, the feeling of disappointment felt deep within him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him.

There was a gentle knock on the door and as the door creaked slightly open, you poked your head in. Upon seeing him, you smiled softly and made your way over to him. Jaehyun watched you approach, his eyes following you.

You had brought along a basket with you, seemingly full of items. As much as he wanted to know what you’d brought, he tried not to look overeager. “I made you something special today,” you said, settling down and practically vibrating with excitement.

“What?”

“Tomato minestrone soup!” You exclaimed, uncovering the lid as the tantalising aroma of tomatoes and a medley of vegetables drifted in the air. Jaehyun almost had to restrain himself from moving, lest he shift a bone out of place somewhere.

Somehow seeing you had sparked a certain kind of joy in him. Maybe it was a sign nobody had really forgotten about him yet. He had watched his number of visitors trickle down day by day and now that it was close to a month since he’d been hospitalised, after the tragic accident, he barely got any. Perhaps three or four a week if he was lucky.

You, however, you were different. You visited him almost every other day, no matter how busy you were. You visited his bedside even if you were worn out from a long day of work, even when you had things to attend to, even when no one else bothered to. You would bring along snacks whenever you did or homemade get-well food like fish porridge or chicken noodle soup you’d whipped up yourself, though they might be far from the usual gourmet fare he was used to back when he was still active when he would go for exquisite dinner parties. Usually, you stayed for a substantial amount of time and sometimes, you even stayed the night.

Jaehyun didn’t understand why you would do all of this for a friend, a friend who never seemed to have time to spare for you at that. More than anything, the feeling of guilt in him only grew stronger with each visit yet he was grateful, extremely grateful. Your presence was like a warm ray of sunshine in this dreary hospital ward. Whenever you visited, he couldn’t help but smile even though he could not find it in himself to smile. But when it came to you, it felt natural.

“Y/n!”

At the sound of Jaehyun’s voice, you turned and even from afar, he could see your reddened eyes - a surefire sign you’d been crying. Guilt and anger washed over him in waves and he tried not to think how many times he had been the cause of your tears. If only he could turn back time, he would have shook himself for ever dismissing you so lightly like he did, before he saw the situation for what it was.

He was blinded. Blinded by his obsession for winning, fame, glory and pleasing the wrong people. In a way, it felt like a fog had been lifted before him and now that he could see, think, feel clearly… He wasn’t going to let the right person out of his grasp. The person who loved him unconditionally, not just for his fame and achievements. The person who stuck with him through thick and thin but he was just too daft to notice it. The person who always felt like home whether he knew it or not.

You.

“Jaehyun? W-What are you…” You spluttered, desperately trying to wipe your tears from your face as you stared up at him.

It took a couple of seconds for him to regain his breath, his face turning red from embarrassment and exertion. He should really start leaving those beers and junk food alone.

“I…” He panted, both out of fatigue and relief, “We need to talk.”

“Jung is getting closer, any minute now Hendery!”

“I don’t believe this! Are we looking at a potential comeback for this prix? Push, push, push!”

“It seems like we might be! Here he comes! He is absolutely mad!”

The nascars zipped along the race tracks, smoke and some bits of burnt rubber and chipped metal trailing along its wake. They were a blur of colours to the spectators, who were practically glued to their seats as they watched the race reach its climax. A massive telescreen was displaying close ups and the ranking board with huge overhead lights that illuminated the stadium. The crowd was growing wilder by the second as the racecars zoomed past them, their attention fixed on one racer in particular.

The sleek nascar was streaked in royal blue and crimson red over a metallic black base, looking almost purple and black with how fast it was flying across the tracks. The wheels were spinning so fast that the friction between the tough rubber tire and the rough granite almost lit up the tracks. It was charging forward with a steely determination and ruthlessness, closing in rapidly on a green and white nascar ahead of it.

The adrenaline coursing Jaehyun’s veins was unlike any other. The thrill he got from racing could practically send him into an all time high and a cunning grin tugged at his lips as he stepped his foot down hard on the pedal, his hands gripping tightly onto his steering wheel. Rounding around a bend, he clenched his jaw as he pushed his body weight to the left, the muscles in his abdominals and biceps flexing and straining against his racing suit as the car drifted across the tracks in a perfect arc.

“Did you see that perfectly executed drift?! Insanity!”

“Jung is absolutely on fire!”

The thunderous cheers of the crowd and the loud hum of the race cars racing across the tracks faded into the background as he kept his eyes trained steadily forward. Any time now…

“Watch out, Nakamoto,” he whispered under his breath.

Steering his wheel sharply and accelerating much to the crowd’s excitement and trepidation, his race car was now driving side by side along Yuta’s. For a split second, the two turned to look at each other through the window and even though there was no way of seeing the other’s face through that helmet, something in Jaehyun told him that his rival was angered, shocked and… Fearful.

Jaehyun grinned beneath his helmet and without a second thought, he zipped forward, leaving Yuta behind in the smoke.

“He’s going for it, he’s going for it… Wait for it… And he crosses the line! The legend has reclaimed his spot on the top!”

“And that is how you execute one of the greatest comebacks of all time, ladies and gentlemen. Jung has done what we believed to be impossible and dominated the race! I wonder how Nakamoto feels about that?”

The other commentator chuckles into his microphone.

“Well Haechan, if I were him, I’d be pissed off for sure! But I’d also be worried… So very worried.”

The crowd was absolutely wild when he’d disembarked from the car and as he removed his helmet, he was greeted with camera flashes all around him. He shook his head, running a gloved hand over his hair and he took a deep breath. The air smelled of burnt rubber, smoke and… Success.

He had done it. He had made his comeback.

His pit crew made a beeline for him, slapping him on the back, their faces jubilant and lit with pure joy. His new manager, one that he trusted and helped him inch his way back to the top step by step, shot him a thumbs up which he nodded in acknowledgement as the crowd of sports journalists, reporters and photographers began to swarm in on him.

Yet, he paid them no attention. If this was three years ago, he would have basked in the glory, the attention but now he had greater concerns on his mind. His heart was pounding now for a different reason altogether and he could feel his hands growing clammy.

Jaehyun craned his neck and searched the rowdy media crowd. Where were you?

“Jaehyun!”

At your voice, he turned and immediately almost stumbled backwards as you crashed into him for a hug. The feelings of you against him sparked a joy in his heart, a joy almost greater than winning. He enveloped you in a hug, holding your waist as he nuzzled his face into your hair. Your scent of honey and jasmine was intoxicating, alluring and a welcomed change from the smell of smoke and rubble.

The two of you had been dating for about two years now, each day together better than the previous. After he’d caught up with you that day, it was as if you were seeing a different Jaehyun from the one you’d seen in his apartment. That Jaehyun who had caught up with you at the bus stop was the old Jaehyun you’d missed and it was as if a switch somewhere had been flipped. To this day, he had never admitted what changed while you were gone for those few minutes. He had subsequently apologised for everything he’d done, even things you didn’t see a problem with. It was shocking to say the least to see the unapologetic Jaehyun apologise for anything at all, but not more shocking than what entailed a few days later.

It started with a vase of luscious red roses being sent to your workplace followed by an invitation for dinner. Before you knew it, the boy you’d loved almost all your life was courting you with a passion. It felt like a complete dream, so much so you had been afraid to wake up suddenly and realise it was all just your imagination. He’d been more of a romantic than he’d let on and many times, you had found yourself completely smitten by his stunts that stretched from learning how to make homemade chocolates for you on Valentine’s Day knowing that you liked them, even though he was well known as a terrible cook to sending flowers up to your doorstep every other week.

Within a couple of months, the two of you were dating and deeply, wildly in love.

Amidst date nights filled with laughter and kisses, he had also been steadily climbing his way back up the ranks of the racing world. After ditching his unhealthy lifestyle he had been living for the past year, the change was apparent. He’d started hitting the gym, eating healthier and before long, he was in prime condition to start racing again. Training was long and tough but he never did give up. He was more determined and driven than you’d seen him and though the old Jaehyun would have been gutted at a loss, this new, better version of him never fussed over a loss of any kind, instead learning from his mistakes.

All of his efforts had led to this ultimate moment, the taste of victory on his lips.

You noticed he had been shifting uncomfortably and you looked up, puzzled and concerned.

“Jaehyun? You okay?”

He looked at you, his ears red, a sign that he was anxious, nervous.

“Jaehyun? What-”

Your words got stuck in your throat as he knelt down on one knee, the lights overhead bringing out the sparkle in his eyes and the shine in his hair. Those dark orbs were so full of hope, anxiety and love all intermingled in one and you found it difficult to believe that those eyes were looking at you directly, the emotions in them all for you.

Jaehyun withdrew a tiny, velvet box from his pocket and popped it open. In the box, was a tiny diamond ring, glittering and absolutely regal. The diamond itself was beautifully cut and interwoven into the metal band with microfibres of white gold and it simply shone as the camera flashes went off. The crowd was going bonkers, screaming and cheering with wolf whistles.

“Y/n,” he spoke softly, his voice gentle. “You have always been there for me, always been my better half. We have been friends for over a decade and lovers for merely two but it seemed as if we always were meant for each other. It took me so long to realise that and there is not a day I don’t regret not realising it sooner. You are my everything - my past, present and future. Falling in love with you was gradual, unconscious. I guess my heart knew you the one before I even did. It started with me being in a dark, dark place where I drowned in my own self-hatred and insecurities. I was beaten, defeated and I just gave up. Where everyone did the same, you never did. You were like a beam of shining light, shining upon me and guiding me even if I didn’t notice it at the time. But when I did, you glowed even more brightly than I’d envisioned. I’d been oblivious to your beauty both inside and outside for far too long and god knows how much I fucking regret it. I’m different now though, because of you. I am the best version of myself right now because I have you in my life. You taught me how to love, allow myself to be loved. There’s no universe whereby I’d want to be without you. I can’t see myself without you in my life. I need you, I love you.”

Tears were beginning to stream down your face and the stadium had grown quieter, all tuning into what was happening.

Jaehyun looked up at you, hopeful and so full of love that you thought your heart might burst.

“So I guess what I’m saying is, will you marry me, y/n?” He asked breathlessly.

[captain-natey]

Uniform Night - Rivetra Fanfiction Rated:M

Read on AO3 or below

My first fanfic collaboration with @lunar-rainclouds !The fic was dying in my drafts because I wasn't feeling like writing smut, but then I decided to ask one of my favorite smut writers for help! Lunar wrote 99% of the smut part, plus beta read the rest. Thank you so much!

🔥

Petra emptied a glass of water and sat down at one of the guest tables. Although the hall she was in was filled with people wearing the same ashy green ceremonial uniforms, there was only one person she avoided looking at.

From the moment she noticed her captain in this new attire, her mind became a literal mess. She was strongly aware of where he stood, right with Hange and Erwin at the other side of the room. She quickly discovered that taking a single peek at him sent her body into flames.

He was always attractive in her eyes, not only because of his looks, but also his questionable attitude, and apparently, she had a thing for uniforms that she wasn’t aware of until now. It was embarrassing, not being able to control her thoughts in a place like this.

With a small orchestra at the top of the hall, the center was occupied by a round marble dance floor. It wasn't immediately obvious, but the place was undoubtedly parted, with one side for ''normal soldiers'' and the other for nobles and other higher-ups. From what she guessed, the main difference was the quality of the food and drinks.

An unexpected presence brought her back to reality, making her look up at the unknown man greeting her. It was one of the nobles who agreed to provide funds for the next expedition.

“Can I offer you a drink?”

“Oh! Of course,” Petra let out, surprised, and stood up.

The thought of her Captain quickly left her, replaced by nervousness from talking with someone like this. It was unusual for people like him to talk with an ordinary soldier like her. Well, he definitely wasn’t aware of her affiliation with the special operations squad. She politely followed him after his inviting gesture.

Despite her initial unease, the conversation with the man, who insisted on being addressed as Cedric, flowed naturally. She told him about the lands beyond the walls while sipping on a drink he got for her. Avoiding the mention of bloodshed wasn’t easy, but she managed to keep the topic light. The drink she received was probably the most expensive champagne she ever tasted. A big leap from the cheap beer she drank with the boys on their free days.

Petra was aware of the intentions the man had toward her. Why else would she be invited to the rich folks’ side of the hall if not on account of courting? As tempting as it was to let herself forget about her status for a night, she couldn’t help but feel nothing towards her admirer. He was entertaining, but not in a way that would charm her.

“Petra.”

The voice of the Commander made her turn and salute instantly.

“Yes, sir.”

“It’s fine. Relax, soldier. Are you acquainted with our guest?“

“Actually, we just met. Petra was nice enough to join me for a talk,” Cedric interrupted, irking her nerves.

She caught a glimpse of Levi and Hange watching from a distance and felt the blood rising to her cheeks. It was definitely better to keep herself distracted.

---

Almost an hour passed before she excused herself to go to the bathroom. The truth was, she wanted to rest from the high society play happening out there. She took her time to fix her hair before going back to the hallway. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of Captain Levi leaning on the wall in front of her. He noticed her and raised his head. They locked eyes for a couple of seconds before he came closer to her. He kept his hands in his pockets.

“Oi, Petra, you know you don’t have to deal with those asses, right?”

She barely understood his question, unprepared for his closeness.

“Yes. I…just wanted to be polite. We want them to be on our side, so…”

Levi’s eyebrow twitched as his usual frown deepened.

“Not like this.”

Her eyes found his stare again, while her mind went empty.

“Like how?”

“Not by letting them play with our women.”

“Excuse me?” Petra raised her voice, offended by the thought of what he was implying, but she quickly came back to her senses. “I’m sorry. Don’t worry about me, Captain. I’m having a good time.”

His stare was hard to withstand, so she glanced down instead. This would be easier if he didn’t look incredibly seductive in his attire.

“I see,” he replied dryly, but didn’t move, and neither did she.

Petra looked back up at him while her lips formed a thin line. It was an awkward moment and the way her body was reacting wasn’t helping at all.

“Captain.”

“Petra.”

“You look very good in that uniform.”

Levi raised his eyebrows in surprise, mixed with confusion. His mind started raising suspicions because of the deep blush on her cheeks.

“Thanks. I guess.”

Petra nodded and blinked nervously before taking a few small steps closer to him.

“The cravat fits just right with it. It’s very professional,” she continued while raising her hands to carefully fix the cloth around his neck. She noticed how he held his breath, although her eyes were fixated on what she was doing. Her fingers straightened the material until they reached his jacket.

“Petra, are you okay?”

“The truth is…there are other things I’d rather do than go back out there,” she admitted quietly.

She pushed on his chest, making the shocked man walk backwards until his back hit the wall. They were alone in the hallway, only hearing the echo of the music from the main hall. Her eyes stopped at his lips before she moved closer, hovering in front of them with her own. He was leaning into her, but she was the one to let them clash. Her body burned with desire when he reciprocated the kiss. She grabbed the front of his jacket tightly, her tongue searching its way to his mouth. Petra gasped when Levi pulled her body closer by the belt loops of her jacket. He seemed eager to take control, which made her head spin. She shivered with excitement when they parted to catch a breath.

“Are you drunk?” The captain asked, his tone showing a glimpse of worry.

She took a deep breath, moving her hand up to trace the tendon on his neck.

“No. I’m just really, really, into you, Captain,” she admitted, leaning her body on him while eyeing his silhouette. Since she already went that far, she might as well risk it all, even as a blushing mess.

Levi let out a thoughtful sound. If she only knew what a mess she made of him on the inside as well. A few minutes earlier, he was frying his brain with jealousy over some noble guy flirting with her, and now, she was all over him. It was a fact, he might have imagined a scenario like this a couple of times before, but knowing the correct thing to do in real life wasn’t as easy. What little experience he had, with Petra it was different. Since the first time they met, he put up walls around his heart, only for her to break them down brick by brick. She had no mercy in finding her way to it.

"In that case, I think we should get going.”

Petra looked him in the eyes, excitement sparkling in her own. Her eagerness made him more confident and he leaned his head down to softly kiss her neck. God, the smell of her skin was alluring. He felt her hand touch the side of his face while she let out a deep breath.

“They gave me a room upstairs. You can still hear music and the chatter from up there. That means we have to be quiet. Are you in?”

“Yes, Captain,” she whispered, making his body shiver with lust.

---

The room was small but cozier than the ones they had in their headquarters. It could be considered a low standard in fancy decor, but in fact, neither of them cared about it at the moment.

On their way here, the realization of what was happening finally hit Petra. She had no doubt she wanted this but started to get insecure. What was he expecting? Would she be able to actually satisfy him? Her bold move a couple of minutes before came naturally, so she didn’t give her confession much thought. She could proudly say she knew him well, but when it came to intimacy, he was an absolute mystery.

Levi sensed her behavior was off when he joined her side, after locking the door behind them with his key.

“Petra?” He started carefully while holding her hand reassuringly. “It’s fine if you changed your-”

“Captain Levi,” she interrupted, looking him in the eyes with the fire he knew from the times they sparred. “I want to make love to you, but I need to know… why are you doing this?”

The vagueness of the question left him silent for a moment.

“How could I not want to?” He answered with an unintentionally rude tone.

Petra freed her hand from his, her heart beating fast as she had just run a mile. Levi looked confused, but she could swear she saw a glimpse of guilt in the way he looked at her.

“If we do this… I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to how things were before,” she admitted, her face reddening and eyes shining. She avoided his gaze again, making it harder for him to read her. “You’ve never been interested before, I guess it might be just using the opportunity to -”

“The fuck are you talking about?” Levi interrupted, a bit frustrated, but mostly confused. He longed for her and couldn’t even imagine the scenario she was making up right in front of him. He sighed, seeing that she still couldn’t face him.

“Petra, you’re incredible. Fucking walking perfection. Do you really think I don’t see that? I know I shouldn’t look at you like that, you’re my subordinate, and yet, I thought I would have to chop that imbecile’s hands off, so he’d stop touching you the way he was. Fuck, that was disgusting. You deserve so much better.”

The ginger woman looked at him with her big amber eyes. She could feel the tension pounding in her chest.

“You think I’m pretty?”

“God, Petra, you’re fucking gorgeous. If anything, I’m the lucky bastard for you to pick me tonight.”

Her lips formed a thin line before she responded. He was blunt as always and it made it easier for her.

“I’d pick you every night,” she blurted out, meeting his eyes again.

There was an uncomfortable silence as Levi slowly processed what she tried to say.

“Deal,” he said and closed the distance between them to grab her under her butt and pick her up with an ease that surprised even her, despite knowing about his unusual skills.

She was thrown onto the bed close enough to the edge, so her boots couldn’t mess the sheets. He stripped her of them and did the same for himself, before rising to stand on his knees above her, mesmerized by the remarkable view of her blushing face. He noticed how her eyes wandered to his body and took it as a sign to show her more of his skin. He figured she would feel more comfortable if he did that first. As expected, she watched him unfasten the belt of his uniform with her eyes darkening, but to his surprise, she stopped him before he could shake the jacket off his arms.

“Can it stay?” She asked shyly, and only then, he understood.

Damn, this woman was an interesting one. She reached up to untie his cravat and let it hang loosely around his neck while she unbuttoned his white shirt. He let her explore him, amazed by the way she looked at him. Her fingers were cold in comparison to the hot skin of his chest. He took a deep breath when she ran them up to his shoulders before tracing the material of the jacket on his arms. “Is that okay?” She added with a smile.

The way her voice sounded, Levi was convinced he wouldn’t be able to deny her anything she asked of him.

“Can I take off yours?”

“Of course,” she replied in a low voice that made his dick twitch.

“Perfect,” he replied shortly.

He quickly removed her belt and bent down to devour her neck’s soft skin while stripping her until she was only left in her shirt and panties. He didn’t notice her leg moving until her knee pushed against the clearly visible tent in his pants. He growled at the sensation, sending shivers throughout her body as he tore her shirt open, letting the buttons fly to the sides. Petra felt intoxicated with this new side of her captain. He flushed seeing her smiling face.

“Touch me,” she whispered in the heat of her desire and his hands were immediately upon her breasts, massaging them tentatively. She let out a soft moan, then pulled his face to hers to kiss him slowly and deeply.

The fabric of her bra was soft, allowing him to caress her nipples through the cloth with ease, setting her body ablaze. Boldy, she sat up and leaned into his chest, pushing him forward until they were in a seated position on the bed. Propped up on his knees, Levi removed her shirt and bra, while Petra unbuttoned his pants, giving her access to this throbbing erection.

He gasped under his breath when her hand gripped his length, his mouth never leaving hers as their kiss became more fierce and desperate. One of his hands was back on her breast, lightly squeezing the delicate flesh, while the other was tucked around her butt cheek, his fingers dancing against her clit beneath the cloth of her panties. A heavy moan from her supple lips made her pull herself away from his needy mouth.

“More,” she huffed against his ear and his fingers dipped inside her panties to press against her perfect flesh, finally unhindered.

She wrapped one arm around him, gripping his uniform jacket tightly in her fist as his fingers slid inside her. His other hand was still on her breast, pearling her nipple and making her wet. Suddenly, his mouth took hold of her opposite tit and she groaned lustfully at the sensation of his moist lips tasting her. She leaned back a little to signal her approval, and he knew in that moment he desperately wanted to please her.

Nothing had ever felt this thrilling to Levi. He was surprised this side of Petra existed. It only made him harder as her hand slid up and down his shaft, preparing him for the pleasure to come. His fingers worked her warm folds, finding all the secret places that drove her mad with desire. The sounds she was making were carnal, fueling him to keep going until she couldn’t take it anymore.

It wasn’t long before Petra’s first orgasm rocked her to her core. Her walls squeezed his busy fingers and he was pleased with himself for giving her what she deserved. She leaned her head against his shoulder, gasping, still gripping the fabric of his jacket and snuggling it against her cheek.

“That felt amazing,” she admitted. The pace of her stroke on his dick was light and carefree. She simply wanted to feel him, hard and strong, all for her.

“Petra…” Levi’s voice was low, almost inaudible, clouded with passion and overwhelming heat. He kissed her shoulder as her free hand glided down his jacket sleeve to the hem of his pants. She pulled them down slowly, her other hand never leaving his dick.

She gave his naked ass a light tap and he looked at her with surprise. The fire in her amber eyes was intense, heavy with lust for the man who would become her lover tonight.

“Do it again,” he growled, then he cupped her cheeks and kissed her deeply.

She smacked his ass again and he groaned into her mouth, his balls tightening at the sensation of her foreplay. He pushed her down against the mattress and kissed her from her neck to the center of her breasts. She smacked him again and he grunted against the mound of her tit before taking it into his mouth once more.

Petra squealed with pleasure as a dozen incredible sensations hit her all at once, sending her spiraling out of control. Levi’s uniform jacket brushed against her skin as it hung from his body. His kisses explored her lower and lower, across her stomach to her hips. His hands caressed her toned body, seeking comfort in her lustful sighs.

Her hands couldn’t reach him anymore when he sat up, but she didn’t mind. She wanted what he was planning as he fully removed her panties. He looked so damn attractive in that jacket, the color accenting his raven hair and light, wonton eyes.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured against her thigh as he traced his lips across her skin, lost in her willingness to set his fantasies free.

“I was going to say the same about you,” she admitted, then his lips were suddenly at her folds, knocking the wind out of her breath. Levi never thought of himself as good-looking, but if Petra did, then she could have him any way she wanted.

“Oh, Levi…that’s so good,” she sighed as his tongue explored her with gentle flicks and careful presses in just the right places. Levi grew eager at the sound of his name on her lips. It felt different.

She leaned back against the pillows as his mouth glided across her smokey heat, her hands buried in his hair, massaging his scalp while she lost herself to him, legs spread wide to give him full access to her treasures.

She was taken aback by how passionate he was with her. She had never imagined he would treat her with such devotion. It seemed he really meant what he told her earlier. He truly did desire her.

What little experience she had, never felt as fulfilling as this. Petra let out a deep moan as her second orgasm struck, sending shivers throughout her body, and Levi smiled against her pelvis, watching her face contort in bliss.

“Feeling good?” He asked while stroking her thigh.

She brushed the back of her hand against his cheek affectionately.

“I loved it,” she breathed, basking in the afterglow of his minitration. “I want you in me so damn bad.”

Levi chuckled a little inside at her enthusiasm. The Petra he knew on the battlefield was clawing her way out, screaming for him to give her all he could.

“Give me a second,” he announced as he leaned over toward the bedside table and opened the drawer. Inside, he pulled out a lambskin condom and slid it onto himself.

“Someone came prepared. You were hoping for this, weren’t you?” She asked slyly.

“Maybe,” he answered bluntly as he freed his legs from his pants, now completely naked in front of her with the exception of his loosely dangling cravat, unbuttoned shirt, and uniform jacket that was clearly helping him out tonight.

She sat up and caught his lips without another word, her hands massaging his chest as she leaned him back against the sheets. She kissed him down the curve of his pecs to his toned abs, admiring how well he took care of his body.

“I want you,” she sighed as she straddled him, taking his erection into her hand. Levi watched as she moved to pleasure herself with his body. The truth was, he wanted her just as badly.

He thought she was stunning hovering above him as she lowered herself onto him, slipping him inside, full and deep.

“Fuck,” Levi hissed. The feel of her was melting his mind and heating his body, his dick fitting snug inside her as she took him in and leaned over him.

“God, you're big,” she sighed softly, while running her fingers through his hair, getting adjusted to this new sensation. She kissed him gently on the cheek and let him run his hands across the curve of her back.

She positioned her arms to grip both sides of his jacket as she began to move, her body sliding heavily against his with a lustful pace that surprised him. Petra was heavenly, her breathless sighs becoming harsher with each thrust. Levi wrapped one arm around her waist to squeeze her butt cheek, while the other played with her breast. The stiffness of his jacket’s material rubbed against Petra’s side, increasing her arousal until she was humping him greedily, without much thought to the warning he gave earlier about being quiet.

Their voices carried throughout the room, unashamed and fulfilled as Levi rocked his hips hard against hers, crashing into her with reckless abandon. Petra bucked above him, his movements scorching her, making her feel alive, reaching into her soul and pulling out the animal inside as he pressed into the very center of her heat. Hot, searing kisses, rough touches, and vulgar expletives consumed them both, until their shared climax reached its peak and they folded into each other, spent and satisfied.

Petra clung to her captain after he helped her lie down. She was out of breath and almost out of her mind, pretty convinced that nothing had ever left her this satisfied. It took them some time to calm down.

“You know…I wasn’t lying when I said I’d pick you every night.”

Levi sighed with relief.

“Good. I hoped so.” He replied and caressed her arm before moving up to strip from the rest of his clothes and dispose of the used condom.

Petra watched him, appreciating the now uncovered muscles of his arms.

Once he came back, he kissed her, taking her by surprise.

“I want you.” He said calmly but still felt the need of explanation. “To be mine.”

Petra’s eyes widened.

“Only if I can call you mine too.” She said, suddenly overflowed with a different kind of affection than the passion they just shared. Levi’s eyes softened, he leaned down and kissed her again.

“I was yours long before now.”

Petra flushed and felt the need to cover her face out of embarrassment.

---

„Hey, hey, Levi!”

The man grunted as Hange followed him down the stairs of the building they were just leaving. The morning came way too fast and he already spent too much time on the strategy of how to not make it obvious when Petra was about to leave his bedroom.

Hange caught up to him and now he could see their wild smile.

“Seems like your plan worked, huh?”

“Not really. I had some unexpected help,” he replied and straightened the slightly creased sleeves of his jacket.

[albertasunrise]

Just Another Conquest - Part 1

Masterlist

Warnings: You were sweet, innocent and completely infatuated with Javier Peña. After an incident at the Christmas party, you become the talk of the secretary's at the embassy and everything starts falling around you.

Pairings: Javier Peña x Reader, Reader x Original Male Character

Warnings: Angst, Kissing, Mentions of sex

Notes: There are some touchy subjects at the end of this chapter. If you’re easily triggered this might not be for you. Don’t wanna add too many tags as it’ll spoil it.

For two years you had worked at the embassy as a secretary. You kept your head down and your nose out of trouble and so no one noticed you.

Except Greg.

Greg was sweet. You’d been on a few dates and you were taking it steady. Too many times you had jumped in headfirst into the flames and gotten burned so this time you were going to take things slow, Glacial, but Greg didn’t seem to mind. Greg was sweet.

Someone who wasn't sweet.

Javier Peña.

He had bedded most of the single or unmarried secretaries in the embassy. Even some of the married ones. He flirted with everyone. Well everyone except you and even though that stung a little you were glad. He couldn’t tarnish you if he couldn’t see you.

You’d been infatuated with the man from day dot at the embassy. He was a smooth talker and painfully handsome but you knew you weren’t his type. You were plain, a little on the chubbier side and uninteresting. You'd seen some of the women he’d slept with. Your apartment was across from his and they were all beautiful. The polar opposite of you.

It was the day of the Christmas office party. An event you looked forward to as it gave you a chance to dress up a little. Greg had bought you a stunning dress for the event, something you’d spotted in the window of a shop one day and told him you liked it. He’d managed to find out your size and had snuck back to buy it for you and you had swooned. No one had done anything like that for you before.

The dress fit perfectly. Highlighted all the right parts of you and for once you actually felt pretty. You did some simple makeup, pinned your hair up in a loose bun and wore the only pair of heels you could walk in. Greg was there to collect you when you were done, his jaw dropping to the floor when you emerged from your apartment building and you chuckled at his reaction. You both then got a taxi to the embassy and he had been unable to keep his eyes off of you or his lips from yours. Maybe tonight was the night that you’d let him into your bed.

You arrived a short while later and made your way inside, people excitedly bussing around you as you made your way to where the party was being held. The hall in the embassy had been decorated in traditional American fashion. Tinsel, baubles and lights adorned the walls and a large, audacious, tree sat in the centre of the room with presents surrounding its base. You gazed around in awe of what you were seeing and Greg couldn’t stop watching at you.

Little did you know, neither could Javier Peña.

He had spotted you as soon as you’d entered. He had seen you around over the past few years but until now had never spared you a second glance. He watched you as you entered with Greg from accounts. He’d spoken to Greg a handful of times and he always seemed nice enough, if not a little dull. His attention was so stuck on you that he didn’t even hear Steve talking his ear off until his name was shouted in frustration. Pulling the agent from his fancy.

“Oh no, you leave that one alone.” Growled Steve when he noticed who Javier was staring at.

“What… why?”

“Because I know what you’re like and she’s sweet. She has worked hard to keep herself out of the limelight and you paying her any sort of attention will destroy that completely.” Stated Steve, downing that last of his drink as he watched you head to the bar with your companion “Besides she’s dating Greg anyway.”

“Greg’s dull.” Mumbled Javier and Steve barked out a laugh.

“Greg is nice and perfect for her.” Asserted the blonde agent “Leave her alone.” He warned and Javier simply rolled his eyes, waving his partner off as he stood.

‘Another.’ He asked as he lifted his empty glass and Steve nodded before turning his head to seek out his wife in the bustle of people beside him.

Javier watched you as he approached the bar, taking you in as he came to a stop a few stools over. The dress you wore fitted your form beautifully, highlighting your small waist and larger breasts. You had a perfect hourglass figure and he practically salivated at the sight, wanting nothing more than to worship every inch of you but you were forbidden fruit. Which made it all the harder to resist you.

You hadn’t noticed Javier watching you but Greg had and he felt resentment start to simmer beneath the surface of his skin. If Agent Peña had set his sights on you then he had no chance. No one could resist that man's charms. He was relieved however to see that you remained blissfully unaware of the man’s attentions so he did his best to keep yours on him.

“They’ve done a wonderful job with the decorations huh?” He spoke as he wrapped his arm around your waist and you nodded eagerly in reply “You’re the most beautiful thing here though.”

“Oh shush Greg.” You chuckled, you’d never been very good at taking a compliment.

“No seriously.” He said as he gazed longingly at you “These last few months have been… Well they’ve been wonderful and I know you want to take things slow and that’s fine. Just know that when you are ready, I will make sure to show you just how beautiful I think you are.”

You swooned at his statement but Javier scoffed and then as the narrative repeated in his mind he became intrigued. The two of you hadn’t slept together? How serious can you really be if you’ve never fucked? So he decided you were fair game. God help him, he was going to taste those lips before the night was done.

…

“Would you like another?” Javi asked you as he motioned to your empty glass.

You jumped at the sudden question, turning your head to see Javier Peña staring back at you. A mixture of thoughts and emotions rushed through you at once but the one that lingered was lust. The way the man opposite you was looking at you went straight to your core and you found you were losing yourself in his dark chocolate orbs.

“Oh uh… Yes please.” You fumbled, the shock of your current situation lingering.

“You look lovely.” He said sweetly as he motioned at the barman to refresh yours and his drinks “A little different to your usual get up.”

“How would you know what I usually wear?” You questioned, a little taken aback by his statement.

“I’ve seen you around.” He stated, shrugging his shoulders.

“Right.” You sniggered, taking a sip from your new drink “Thanks for the drink, Agent Peña.” You finished as you turned to leave only to be stopped by his hand grasping your arm.

“Call me Javi.’ He said softly as he smiled at you.

“Well, thank you again Javi but I must be getting back to my date.” Giving him a last nod you sauntered away, unable to miss the scowl plastered across Greg’s face.

“What did he want?” He asked as you came up beside him.

“He got me a drink.” You replied nonchalantly “That was all.”

“That isn’t all he wants from you.” He growled and your head shot back in shock at his change of tone.

“Greg, I am in no danger of attracting Javier Peña.” You snort, rolling your eyes at him.

“Have you seen how you look?” He snapped and you found yourself growing irritated.

“I have and I am not his type.” You spit “He’s only interested in slim, tall, perfect skinned beauties and I am none of those things Greg. You have nothing to worry about.”

Little did you know, he had plenty to worry about. As the evening went on the music started to die down and people began to say their goodnights, thinning the crowd down to the younger staff members of the embassy. Greg had remained possessive of you, noting how Javier would watch you as you danced with your friends or talked with other people from your department. He’d picked his prey and you were it. Greg, helpless to stop it.

“Would you like to dance Hermosa?” Came a deep voice from behind you and you shivered at the effect it had on you.

Turning you see Javier smiling down at you, his suit jacket long since discarded and tie also. He’d unfastened the top three buttons of his shirt and you couldn't help but lick your lips at the sight of his golden skin beneath. Then suddenly your brain caught up with the rest of you and you shook your head as you looked back up at the man that was towering over you.

“I shouldn’t.” You replied, shaking your head as you looked around nervously “I should get back to Greg.”

“Greg is stuck in a deep conversation with a bunch of other accountants.” He countered, taking one of your hands in his “Just one dance. Will be perfectly innocent I promise.”

You tried to find another reason to say no, anything, but you were coming up blank and so you were unable to resist when he pulled you gently towards the dance floor. The song was slow, soft and you glanced around at the other couples close to each other, slowly swaying to the music.

“Relax.” The agent whispered against the shell of your ear and you shivered,

“Why are you doing this Javi?” You questioned, looking up into his eyes.

“Doing what?” He asked with a mildly bemused expression on his face.

“This. Dancing with me, paying me any form of attention.” You elaborated and his brow furrowed “We both know I’m not your type so this isn’t some ploy to get me to sleep with you, or at least I hope it's not. You’ve never spoken to me before tonight so why? What’s this all about?”

“How do you know what my type is?” He questioned, dark eyes watching you closely.

“Because I live across the hall from you and so have seen many of your conquests leave. All thin and beautiful which I am not.” You chuckled to yourself, glancing at Steve who watched the two of you.

“Well firstly, I think you are beautiful.” He stated and you rolled your eyes “Really, you don’t believe me?”

“I believe you’re a smooth talker that’s good at getting women to fall in love with him.” He snorted at the, glancing at Steve a moment before returning his attention to you “I know I’m not beautiful.” You shrug “I came to terms with that a long time ago but I don’t like to be teased or played with. So if this is some sort of game or bet. Please don’t involve me.” You pleaded and Javier felt his heart ache a little that you’d think such a thing.

“This is no game Hermosa.” He said softly “I like you and I wanted to dance with you.” He continued, bringing one hand up to cup your cheek “That's all that is going on here.”

“You like me?” You questioned, unable to help the squeak in your voice.

He nodded as he smiled at you and then time seemed to stand still. Your eyes flitted to his lips as you gazed at each other, the world around you falling away as Javier Peña cupped your face and kissed you softly. You didn't react for a moment, shocked that this is even happening and then you responded, kissing him back as your hands gripped his wrists and when he pulled away, all eyes were on you.

“Can I take you home Hermosa?” He asked quietly as he gazed at you, smiling when you nodded in reply and then he was leading you out. Greg and the party were all forgotten.

…

“I hope you don’t expect me to sleep with you this evening.” You chuckled, smiling shyly at the man driving you.

“A man can always hope.” He replied, glancing at you a moment before returning his attention to the road.

“Well, I’m not that easy.” You stated, sticking your tongue out at him playfully which elicited a throating laugh from the agent "I like to be wooed first."

You loved his laugh. It brought you all new waves of pleasure to hear it but as your building seeped into view, along with a familiar-looking truck parked out front, the realisation hit you like a freight train.

“Oh my god.” You sobbed as you hopped out of his truck, clutching your middle as you cried.

“Hermosa what’s wrong?” Asked Javier, his tone panicked as he sprinted to your side.

“Greg.” You choked and he noticed you staring at the vehicle parked in front of his “I kissed you, and I left him there. What… Why would I do that?”

Javier pulls you into his arms, holding you as you cried over the relationship you know you had destroyed. He pulled you with him, taking you inside and into his apartment where he sat you down on his couch and poured you a drink.

“Thank you.” You hiccuped as you took the drink from him, staring at the glass as he sat beside you “I liked Greg.” You started, eyes not wavering from your glass “He was sweet. Liked me for me and I’d never had that before. All my previous boyfriends wanted one thing and I got burned so much I gave up on the idea that someone could want more with me.”

“You have to go through some hurt to find the right man.” Javier replied, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close “You’ll find him I’m sure. You deserve happiness.”

You sat there and talked for a little longer. Until your eyes were so heavy you could no longer keep them open and when Javier noticed you dosing off, he scooped you into his arms and carried you to his bed. He didn’t try anything. Just simply held you and it was the best sleep he’d had in years.

~

You had no idea you’d be the talk of the office when you returned from the holidays. Greg hadn’t spoken to you since that night and neither had Javi. You’d snuck out the next morning before he’d woken up, mortified that you’d fall asleep at his. You knew you hadn't had sex with him but you’d still slept with him and that brought on all kinds of different emotions. Did he like you the way you like him?

“So how was it?” Asked Kirsten as sat down at your desk, her eyebrows lifting.

“How was what?” You asked, your confusion evident in your features.

“Your hot night with agent Peña.” She elaborated and you almost choked on your coffee “You did fuck him right?”

“No, I didn’t.” You expelled, already feeling sick to the stomach at the realisation you were the talk of the office.

“Oh come on.” She rolled her eyes at your denial “No one goes home with Javier Peña without him having his way with them. You’re so lucky.” She sighed “Although poor Greg left with his tail between his legs. No one blames you for going to the better dish though… Javi is quite the meal.”

You abruptly grabbed your bag and stood from your chair, not stopping to pick it up as it clattered on the stone floor. All you could think about was getting out of there, and fast. You couldn’t miss the sniggering as you swiftly left the office, only to be stopped by two hands grabbing your shoulders.

“Woah what's up?” Asked Greg as he pulled you to the side.

“I uh… everyone's laughing at me.” You sobbed, eyes skirting around and catching peoples stares.

“What did you expect when you went home with Agent Peña.” He scoffed and you looked up at him with a broken expression “All those months clearly meant nothing to you as you dropped your panties for him the moment he called.”

“What? No… I didn’t sleep with him.” You assured, head shaking tears loose from your eyes “I swear to you I didn’t. He kissed me and that’s it.”

“Didn’t see you pushing him away.” He growled and your stomach sank “Despite what you pulled, I still care about you so I will have a word with the others. Just try to keep your head down from now on yeah?”

You nodded, sniffing as you watched him walk away but as you looked around you could see that everyone was still looking at you, talking about you.

You needed to leave.

Your sprinted to the elevators, uncaring of anyone else's attention and pressed the button vigorously, willing it to arrive. You didn’t even look when it opened, just shuffled inside and pressed the button for the parking level. You’d explain later why you’d left.

“Everything okay?” Came a soft Southern voice and you turned your head to see Steve beside you “Rough day?”

“Putting it lightly.” You replied, letting out a watery chuckle as you threw your head into your hands.

“I told Javi to leave you alone. Fucking prick.”

“No this is all my fault.” You sobbed as you looked up at him “Javi was sweet. I should really talk to him but today isn’t the day. Right now I need to go home and wallow.”

“Well, you can do that together if you like.” He chuckled and you looked at him in confusion “He ended up taking today off.

“Right.” You replied as you pulled your bag tighter over your shoulder as you exited the lift and headed towards your car.

Maybe you should speak to him today.

…

You’d more or less talked yourself out of it by the time you'd made it back to your apartment building. You pulled into your allotted parking spot, sprinted up the stairs and made it to your front door, only to be stopped by a familiar voice.

“What are you doing back?” He asked and you turned to face him, noting how his brows were drawn together in concern.

“I uh… Well, let's just say I’m the talk of the office.” You replied plainly as you pulled out your key, desperate to escape this inevitable conversation.

“Why?” He asked and you looked at him again in amazement.

Did this guy seriously have no clue?

“Well, let's see Javi. I turned up at this year's Christmas party with Greg, the guy I was seeing and then left with you after you kissed me in front of all of our colleagues. Why do you think that I’m the subject for office gossip?” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest as you awaited his response.

“We didn’t sleep together thought?”

“They don’t know that” You replied, rolling your eyes at him “So that’s what everyone assumed happened. That I waited months to take that step with Greg but one kiss from you and I give you what you want.”

“I’m sorry Hermosa.” He replied, his eyes taking on a sad puppy dog quality that immediately had your anger melting away.

“Why aren’t you at work today Javi?” You questioned as your body language relaxed and you turned to put your key in the door.

“One of my informants died.” He announced and you immediately turned to look at him “She uh… Well, she was ratted in by one of her colleagues. We found her last night mutilated and raped.”

“Oh Javi, I’m… I’m so sorry.” You replied as you gave him a sympathetic look, your heart breaking from the pain that was so evident on his face “Did you want to come in?” You asked innocently and he nodded, taking the hand you offered and following you inside.

Little did you know that this time, you really would give Javi what he wanted. You talked, you consoled each other, you kissed and then finally when the kissing became heated and passionate you fucked him, allowing your own troubles to be dissolved by pleasure. You allowed yourself to lose yourself in him and he buried himself in you to escape himself but when all was done and you lay their sated in his arms you started to wonder.

Maybe he did like you.

~

It doesn’t take long for word to spread around the office that you had fucked Javier Peña now. Someone else who lived in the building overhearing your activities and telling the entire office the following day so when you’d turned up the following feeling more relaxed, it was quickly ripped away from you.

“So decided to skive off for a fantastic fuck with Javi Peña eh?” Kirsten asked as she winked at you, the colour completely draining from your face “You lying slut though. I knew you were shagging him.”

“I uh…”

“Oh no use in denying it, you were heard. You’re apparently pretty vocal in the sack.” She sniggered as the other girls in the office started to chuckle along with her “Oh Javi.” She mocked “Oh Javi yes… just there-“

You left before she could finish her berating, tears streaming down your cheeks as you made your way through the halls to the bathrooms in the hope you could cry alone in there but sure enough, you were not to be so lucky. Greg grabbed you as you tried to scurry past but there was no sympathy in those blue orbs anymore, nothing but anger.

“You fucking slut.” He growled, eyes burning you “I courted you for months. Treated you right and the first moment you get you fuck man whore Peña?” He spat and you flinched at his outburst “You just used me. Did you even fucking like me?”

“Yes, Greg.” You sobbed, fat tears flowing freely now “I did like you... I do even. I like you a lot, I swear I didn’t use you.”

“But you couldn’t resist opening your legs for Javier Peña.” He growled, snarling at you as he watched your face crumble “You know he doesn’t commit so good luck regaining any credibility you had here.” He finished, leaving you sobbing in his wake.

You quickly sprinted through the halls, people's mocking laughter filling your ears but you just pushed forward. You looked up a moment and that's when you caught eyes with him, the man from which all this trouble had stemmed from and you stopped, giving him a hopeful look as he grabbed your arm and pulled you to one side.

“What's the matter?”

“You seriously the only person in the embassy not to hear the latest gossip?” You asked, noticing the genuine confusion that spread across his face.

“We were heard Javi.” You explained, wiping your cheeks with your sleeves “Someone heard us and has told everyone.” You sobbed, face leaning into his hand as he cupped your cheek “But you can set everyone straight, tell them that this is different? I mean, it was different right?” You asked, eyes pleading for him to soothe your worries.

“Hermosa…” He trailed off as he dropped his hand and shook his head, your stomach dropping “Hermosa I-.”

“You said you like me.” You choked, eyes growing wide as you shook your head in disbelief “That I’m beautiful.”

“I do and you are.” He assured you “But I’m not a commitment guy.” He paused and you felt sick “What we did was just two friends comforting each other. Nothing more.”

You can’t believe it. How had you gone and done this again? You’d given yourself to someone body and soul only to be stomped on again. You were a fool and you knew it. There was never going to be a chance of Javier Peña want more than to bury himself in you. You were plain. Simple.

Ordinary.

You left without another word. Darting into the nearest bathroom where you emptied the contents of your stomach before crying yourself dry. When you did finally emerge you were called into your manager's office and were instantly told to take some time. You had some leave to take so they advised you to take it. Let the scandal die down a little. You couldn’t be the talk of the office forever.

So you do. You take the two months you accrued and you leave, numb the entire drive back to your apartment. You thought about going home, actually taking a vacation but then you’ve never been one for adventure. You don’t have anyone back home. No family or friends to speak of so you decide to spend it here. At home. Wallowing in your own self-pity.

~

2 months later…

Javier had noticed your absence and he’d also noticed that you never left your apartment. At least you never left it when he was around to see it. He knew you were due back today, one of the other secretaries informing him that your leave had ended so why weren’t you here? It wasn’t like you to be late. You were always in before most of the other office admins were, sipping your coffee as you went through your daily schedule.

No one else seemed to be worried about your absence. A few assuming you’d forgotten that you were due to come back but they were a little surprised when Agent Peña had started asking around for you. Everyone knew that things between you and him had crashed and burned, your very public refusal being the next hot topic for the weeks that followed. So when he came up short with your colleagues he went to your boss, his worry growing by the minute.

“I’m not sure why it matters to you where she is.” Stated your boss as they continued to skim through the paperwork in front of them “It’s because of you that she ended up taking leave.”

“I understand that but…”He paused a moment, trying to carefully plan what he needed to say “She lives opposite me. I’ve not seen her leave in two months or even heard a peep from her apartment. I know that her suffering is my doing but I do care about her well being.”

“Well, you should have thought about her well being before you dragged her name through the dirt.”

“Do you know where she is?” He growled, growing more and more impatient by the second.

“Yes, I do.” They replied plainly.

“So?”

“She’s in the hospital.” Javier’s eyes shot open, stomach dropping as he stared at the older woman across from him.

“What… what happened?” He asked although he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“I can’t tell you that.” She stated and he let out a frustrated sigh

“Is she at least going to be okay?”

“She’s in a bad way.” She paused as she finally placed the documents in her hands down “If you want to see her I can’t stop you. Just know… it is very likely that she won’t want to see you.”

She told the agent where you were and watched as he left, knowing that deep down he had a right to know what had happened to put you there.

…

A few flashes of his badge and he was soon led to your room, stopping the doctor as he left your room and demanding he be told what was wrong. He could see that you were sleeping inside and he felt himself ease a little seeing that you weren’t bloody and beaten. So what was wrong?

“She was poisoned.” The doctor explained in Spanish and Javier felt his anxiety shoot through the roof again.

“Poisoned?” He asked “How? By who?”

“By herself.” The doctor stated and Javier’s stomach dropped.

Had he really hurt you that badly?

“She tried to terminate her pregnancy using an old home remedy.” The doctor elaborated and Javier jumped at that.

“Pregnancy?”

“Yes.” The doctor nodded “She is around 2 months pregnant.”

Javier knew instantly it was his and a mixture of emotions coursed through him. Why had you not come to him? Why did you feel like this was the right thing to do? If there was a baby involved he would do what was right. You had to know that right?

“She is sedated.” The doctor continued “The baby survived. The remedy did not work but it did nearly kill her. She was hysterical when she arrived. Begging us to save it.” He paused, glancing at you before returning his attention to Javier “I don’t think she really wanted to get rid of it. She was just desperate and scared. She should be okay though. We will continue to monitor her and the baby. ”

Javier nodded before stepping aside so the Doctor could leave. His mind was racing as he stepped inside of your hospital room and taking a seat at your side. He would wait. Wait until you woke up and he would talk to you. He needed to understand why you did this. Why you felt you had no other option.

…

You were shocked to find Peña dosing in the chair beside your bed when you woke up. How did he even know you were here? Your head was pounding and your mouth dry so you turned your head to find the bottle of water a nurse had brought you earlier, only to knock it when you went to grab it. The agent woke instantly and you groaned in frustration. You didn’t need his lecture right now.

“Hey.” He said softly as he grabbed the bottle and opened it before bringing it to your lips “How are you feeling?”

You shrugged as you sipped the water, relishing how it soothed your sore throat and dry tongue. You nodded when you’d had your fill and watched as he screwed the lid back on and placed it back on the table.

“What are you doing her Javier?” You rasped and he flinched at your inquiry.

“I was worried about you.” He stated, sad eyes locking with yours “The doctor said you and the baby are going to be okay.” He said with a smile and your eyes started to water.

“So you know?”

“Yes.” He replied plainly “He also told me you tried to get rid of it.” He paused, stroking away a tear that escaped from your eye “Why?”

“Because I knew you wouldn’t want it.” You replied, lip trembling as you spoke “And I didn't want to raise it on my own.” You paused, watching him process your words before you go for the jugular “Besides, I was just another one of your conquests. Can't go tarnishing your record and I’ve destroyed my reputation enough. Having your baby will just destroy whatever integrity I have left.”

“So what are you going to do?” He asks, stomach twisting.

“I’m going to leave Javier.” You said plainly “I will leave and I will raise this baby on my own. No one will ever need to know you have a bastard child with one of your many whores. I want nothing from you so you can go now.”

“Hermosa I-“

“Leave.” You growled, angry tears staining your cheeks “I’m giving you the out you want. Take it.”

Part 2

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Reason to Come Back (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Reason to come back

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 3574

Request: "can you do something where seb(or one of his characters)and reader used to date and one day he broke up with her and after a short time he comes up with a new girl(not cheating)and the reader thinks that she’s worthless and not beautiful or good enough and that’s why he broke up with her and tries to be better(you know what to do•_-) and silently suffering etc. and with a happy ending where they get back together"

Warnings: mentions of a breakup, angst, depression, very slight mentions of disordered eating and exercise (very slight, not like most of my other fics), general feelings of worthlessness, angst

Tags: @buckys2thicc @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @barnesplums @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @babyboibucky 

A/N: I AM SO SORRY TO THE ANON THAT REQUESTED THIS SO LONG AGO AND THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I don’t even know if they’re still here, I feel so bad. I got an anon request for this fic and I did not know about the inbox for Tumblr accounts until just recently because I’m incompetent. There’s no excuse for me taking so long to write it, but I wanted to even though it’s been 9 months since they sent it. If you’re still here anon, thank you for sticking with me!

NEW NOTE 06/04/21: I rewrote this to be for Bucky as opposed to Sebastian. It is still mostly the same, just reworded in some places. This is meant to take place in reference to the timeline of tfatws and mentions moments from the show. I am referencing “the time he was gone” as the series episode 1-6. I don’t know how much time passed but I assume it was at least a few weeks if not longer (especially between episodes 5 and 6). That’s how I wrote it.

------------------------

It was a quiet night, you under some blankets on the couch watching a movie. There was an empty bowl aside from a few popcorn kernels on the coffee table in front of you, the movie more for background noise than entertainment. You were scrolling through your phone mindlessly, looking for a distraction that would keep you occupied.

Not that it was working too well. There wasn’t much that could distract you from the fact that you were alone.

9 months. You had dated for 9 months. Not that he had been around for much of it. He had been with Sam on an extended mission, and he had been gone for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about the mission, Bucky wasn’t allowed to tell you. For your safety. You understood. It was his job, you knew that, but it could be lonely most of the time. He would call or text you if he could, but he couldn’t compromise his location. You were always happy to hear from him, but it wasn’t the same as when he was around.

You knew this would happen, and you had accepted that. It was hard, but you could manage.

You hadn’t heard from him in a weeks, but you didn’t think much of it. He and Sam must have gotten closer to the answers they had been looking for. You could only hope that he was safe. it took a toll on you, worrying about him, but you had been so happy when he had said he was coming home. But when he walked through the door, he didn’t seem excited at all.

You had wrapped your arms around him, and he had hesitantly hugged you back gently. You had known something was wrong almost immediately, pulling back and trying to meet his eyes. “Babe? Are you okay?”

“We should talk,” he said, struggling to meet your eyes.

You pulled your eyes together with concern. “Yeah, yeah what’s wrong?”

“I, uh… I don’t know if this is gonna work out.”

You shook your head, surprised. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“I just don’t think you and I work with 1,000 miles between us.”

“What?” you said in disbelief. “You’re the one who has to leave and I told you that I’m okay with it, and I am. I never thought you’d be the one with the problem with it.”

“Y/n -”

“We can work this out, Buck. You said it yourself, you don’t normally go away for that long. I’m not going anywhere, I - ”

“I can’t ask you to stay, y/n,” he said, cutting you off. You shut your mouth and shook your head. “Where is this coming from, what happened?” you asked.

He cleared his throat. “I should go.”

“You don’t get to walk away from this like that!” you exclaimed, nearly yelling.

“And I don’t have the right to expect you to wait for months while I’m out trying to save people. I thought it’d be fine but I couldn’t stop thinking about you here, alone. There’s going to be more missions, more danger. They recreated the serum. Who knows what else they’ll be able to create? You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me! I told you I’m okay with it and I still am, Bucky! I know the risks!” you said, tears pricking your eyes.

He looked away. “You deserve much better than me. Someone who can be there for you.”

You walked up to him and cupped his face. “You’re all I could ever want Bucky. Distance be damned.”

He sighed and pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly for a moment. “I have to go y/n. I’m sorry.”

He let you go and turned around, not even looking back to say goodbye.

That had been a couple of weeks ago. You had been crushed at first, devastated. But you were still able to function in your day-to-day life. You had a few friends to hype you up or cry with you, whatever the day was. You were able to still get to work, try to move on. And it was getting better, but the nights were still hard. It wasn’t the same when you knew he wouldn’t be coming home.

During the day you could pretend like you were waiting for that night when he would be able to call you. But at night, it was dark and you didn’t have a person you wanted to call.

You weren’t bitter, in a way you understood. You had known how relationships could be ruined by distance and work. But being a super soldier wasn’t a typical line of work. You had been okay with it, but you hadn’t thought that it would’ve affected Bucky as much as it seemed to. You had been emotional at the time, but looking back on it you could understand where he was coming from. Relationships were two-sided - just because you felt okay didn’t guarantee he was.

You knew what he did was dangerous. You had accepted that there might not have always been a happy ending. Maybe he hadn’t.

But then one day you had walked into a bar, only to see Bucky flirting with another girl, laughing away..

That was all you needed to see.

You didn’t want to read too much into it, any kind of situation could be misread. But him laughing with a very attractive girl over drinks shortly after becoming single - you couldn’t help but wonder.

You tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter, that you were reading everything wrong, but your heart still felt as though it was breaking.

She was gorgeous. Much more so than you, you had thought.

Was that why he left? Was he just wanting to get himself back out there? Had he met her and just needed to get rid of you?

You didn’t want to think that way, none of it was true. He wouldn’t do that, he was a good man. But still…

Maybe if you were different it would’ve been harder for him to leave.

Maybe you hadn’t given him a good enough reason to stay.

And maybe, if you were better, prettier, he would come back.

It started small - making more of an effort to go to the gym, not ordering takeaways every night, that sort of thing. Not that you had much of an appetite to begin with. But you didn’t realize when your days had become full of going from work to the gym, nor why you had freaked out so much when you had sprained an ankle and couldn’t do your normal workout.

You had decided to work your arms those next few days to supplement the cardio you had missed. You had kept this up until you woke up one morning struggling to turn over because you were so sore. You decided that that day, you could take a rest day.

A rest day turned into a rest week, and soon enough you were only leaving your house to go to work. And only because you needed money.

You had cut yourself off from most of your contacts, still replying every now and then so they wouldn’t be concerned. You didn’t go out with them or call them because you were worried they would see right through you. Better to stay home. Your bed would never judge you.

You had become familiar with the spots on the wall, the streaks from god knows what, the way that light would filter through your window as the sun ascended and descended the sky. Hours could pass and you could still be in the same position.

You had to keep up a front around everyone. Letting people know how much you were hurting was not an option for you. Then they would ask what was wrong and pull you aside and look at you with this concerned face that you couldn’t deal with. It was the one that everyone always gave when someone was having a bad day, the one people put on when they wanted you to think that they cared. Sometimes they did, but most of the time a person with any sense of morals would put that face on to make a person think that they cared. It’s the same way “How are you?” is more of a greeting than a genuine question.

There were people who cared, but you didn’t want to have that conversation. You didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. It was an honest thought of bettering yourself, but it was for the wrong reasons. Trying to be better for Bucky made you realize how much you missed him. How angry you really were at him. But you couldn’t take it out on him, he didn’t deserve that at all, he didn’t earn that. But you were angry at...something, and maybe it was yourself, at letting him walk out that door, of not calling him and leaving him messages. Maybe if you had fought for him he would’ve stayed. If you had said something when he distanced himself.

You felt like this was your fault. And maybe if you changed something about yourself, you would learn from your mistakes.

Not that you knew exactly what you had done or what isolating yourself would fix, or teach you for that matter.

At some point, you must have fallen asleep because your ringtone jolted you awake. You groaned, shutting your eyes again. You would let it go to voicemail, just like all of the others. If it was that important they would text you.

You let it ring, sighing when it had stopped. You readjusted in your bed, trying to fall back asleep. It was a Saturday morning, you had until Monday morning to sleep. You were going to make the most of it.

But then your phone began ringing again.

You opened your eyes again, picking up your phone to see who it was. You dropped the phone when you saw the name

Bucky Barnes

Why the fuck was he calling you? What could he possibly have to say to you?

You watched the phone ring through to voicemail, soon after seeing a voicemail was left. You didn’t bother listening to it, you didn’t need to. You simply rolled over in bed. If it were that important, he would have called sooner.

Bucky’s POV

As the call went to voicemail again, Bucky was confused. He had never known you to miss a call, ever. It wasn’t like you, he knew you would drop anything to take calls. You had said you hated people leaving voicemails because you hated them having to listen to your voicemail message. You had thought your voice had sounded weird. It was one of the little things he remembered about you that made him smile

And realize how royally he had fucked up.

Being away on a mission wasn’t anything new for him, but maintaining a serious relationship for him was. He had never met anyone like you, and he had missed you so much when he had left. He hadn’t felt anything like what he did when you smiled at him since the 40′s. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all he could think about was how much he had missed you. And that made him think about how much you must have missed him.

He felt like he was holding you back in some way. He was used to being away in dangerous situations for periods of time but you weren’t. And no matter how much you had assured him that you were okay with the long-distance relationship, as the months went on he felt guilty for not being able to be there in the way that he wanted to.

In the way you deserved.

He broke up with you because he thought you deserved better than relying on phone calls and texts for months at a time. Someone who could be there all the time for you. Someone who you didn’t have to worry about getting shot when he left for a mission. Someone predictable and reliable. Something he couldn’t always do.

But God, did he miss you.

He regretted walking out that door. He regretted not giving you a better reason, for not calling you or texting you until now, weeks later. The more time went on, the more he felt it would be inappropriate to call you to apologize.

But he couldn’t take it anymore, so he dialed your number. And when it went to voicemail, he had gotten a little worried.

He knew he didn’t have much of a right or reason to be worried, but he had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. So, he decided to reach out to one of your friends.

Hey, is y/n alright?

Why do you want to know?

Look, I know I messed up. I just wanted to apologize and give her the answer she deserves. But she’s not answering my calls.

She doesn’t do phone calls anymore.

What do you mean?

She won’t answer calls. She won’t even come out with us anymore. Something’s up but she denies it.

When did this start?

When do you think?

Bucky’s heart sank to his stomach. This was his fault. And he had to go make it right.

Your POV

You were still in bed, wondering why Bucky had called you. It didn’t make sense to you, for him to call after all of this time. What could he possibly have to say to you? Did he want to inform you of a new girlfriend before the news caught wind of it? Did he want to come up with some dumb excuse to tell you he was sorry?

It made you scoff slightly, but the tug at your heart let you know that it wouldn’t be unwelcome.

You couldn’t deny it. As much as his leaving had hurt you, you missed him more than anything.

You wanted another chance with him, one that you weren’t sure you would get. And the thought of him coming back to you was comforting. Like maybe it wasn’t your fault. Or maybe you had done enough to win him back.

Wishful thinking.

You had lost track of time, once again, but were snapped out of your daze by knocking on your door.

What? Why would anyone be here?

You sighed. It was probably just some random person selling some random product or something.

More knocking. More insistent. You sighed, standing up and silently groaning at the soreness you felt in your body. Not necessarily from overuse, but more so from underuse. You stood you slowly, walking quietly over to your door.

More knocking.

You made it to the door and glanced through the peephole you had, eyes widening and a small gasp leaving your mouth.

Why the fuck was Bucky here?

More knocking.

You ran a hand down your face. Knowing him, he wouldn’t leave. But why did it go from calling straight to ‘I’m coming to your door’? As if he hadn’t been the one to leave you?

More knocking.

You swallowed dryly. “Why are you here?” you called out through the door.

Bucky let out a breath. “I just want to talk to you”

You shook your head on the other side of the door, wondering if you should let him speak. As if he wasn’t already living rent-free in your mind.

“Please y/n.”

You set your face hard, pulling the door open. At least you would get to say your piece to him.

“Now you wanna talk? Fine. Let’s talk.” you said, coldly.

Bucky was slightly taken aback, though he couldn’t blame you. He took in your appearance, exhaustion seeming to overtake you. Dark circles under your eyes, pale skin, you just - all life seemed to be drained from you. He scratched the back of his neck nervously before he asked quietly, “Can I come in?”

You stepped to the side, silently allowing him in, closing the door behind you. You crossed your arms over your chest and shrugged slightly. “What do you want Barnes?

“I’m sorry,” he said. You scoffed slightly, shaking your head and looking away. “Y/n look at me, please. I fucked up.”

“Well it took you long enough to figure that one out didn’t it?” you snapped, looking at him.

“Y/n please -”

“Tell me, when exactly did you figure out that maybe, just maybe, you should say you were sorry?”

“Y/n please - “

“Who was the girl? The one in the bar from a few days after we had broken up? The one you were hitting on over a couple of drinks?”

“The… what?”

“When did you feel the slightest bit of regret? When did you change your mind and decide that you didn’t want to leave?”

“I never wanted to leave you!” he exclaimed. “Can you please just listen to me?”

You looked at him, anger in your eyes but you closed your mouth. You gave him a look that said ‘I’m listening.’

He took a deep breath. “The woman at the bar was an old friend of Sam’s. He had introduced the two of us at one point. I was at a bar one night and and she came over to say hello and stayed for one drink. It’s nothing more than that.”

You took a breath. Situations could definitely be read wrong. You knew it had probably been nothing.

“When we first got together we had talked about me leaving for missions. Long-distance, unpredictable times, dangerous missions. A lot of people have a hard time keeping that going.”

“And I knew that and was okay with it.”

“Let me finish, please.” he pleaded. “I knew you knew the risks but I’m not sure I was as ready as I thought I was. I left and suddenly I couldn’t talk to you because I was worried for your safety. I couldn’t be there for you in all the ways I wanted to be. In all the ways you deserved. I just...you didn’t deserve that. You deserved so much more than that.”

You felt tears prick your eyes. “You already told me that. When you left. What’s really going on?”

He shook his head slightly. “ Sam’s sister had gotten a call with a threat towards her and her children. I couldn’t put you at risk. These people, they were super soldiers just like me. I had a few close calls with serious injuries. And I realized that if I got hurt I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t let you get hurt and I couldn’t let you worry about whether or not I would come home alive. I thought… I thought it’d be less painful for both of us if we stopped seeing each other before that happened.”

You shook your head slightly. “Why couldn’t you tell me that?” you said, a little more softly.

“I don’t know”

You shook your head. “You’re gonna have to do a lot better than I don’t know.”

“I - “ He sighed slightly. “I was scared. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was scared that I was going to lose you.”

“So you gave me up?” you asked.

“And made the biggest mistake of my entire life.”

You looked to the side and bit your lip slightly. “You know I thought it was my fault?” you turned your face back to Bucky’s confused one. “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That if I was enough you wouldn’t have left. Or if I was better you would’ve come back.”

He shook his head and started walking towards you to comfort you. “It was never your fault angel -”

You backed up slightly. “You don’t get to call me that. Not right now, not yet at least.”

He looked hurt slightly, but he nodded. After a few moments of silence, you scoffed slightly.

“You know, as much as I hate to admit it, I fell apart these past few weeks. Told myself that the only thing I wanted and needed was having you come back. And here you are and...I don’t know, Bucky.” you shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or think, you broke up with me because you were afraid of hurting me? I - “ you rubbed your eyes. “I just… I get it, but I just wish we could’ve had this conversation weeks ago, Buck.”

“Does this mean we’re done?” he asked timidly.

“I… I don’t know. I just…. I think i need a little bit of time. Please. Just some time to think.”

He nodded, though he looked slightly disappointed. “Yeah, of course.” you nodded, walking him over to the door, opening it. He turned around. “Is it okay to give you a hug, y/n?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding, letting him wrap his arms around your waist as you looped them around his neck. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, tears forming in your eyes as you realized how much you missed this. How much you needed this. When he went to pull away, you held him a little more tightly before letting him go.

He smiled at you before turning to leave. “Take as much time as you need, y/n.”

You gave him the smallest of smiles back. “I’ll see you later Bucky.”

And with that, you closed the door behind you, not having a clue what any of this meant. This didn’t make it okay by any means, but maybe, just maybe, the two of you could start fresh. Together.

[thera-daydreams]

PLUS ONE

》 A TRESE TWOSHOT 《

[Maliksi x Reader]

📝 Summary: In which your beloved best friend snatches you from your apartment at dawn asking you to be his plus one for his cousin's wedding. Unbeknownst to the clueless you, everything is just going according to Maliksi's ultimate masterplan. With the help of friends and family, the Prince of the Tikbalang finally gets the girl he's been longing for. And oh, Señor Armanaz gets his dream daughter-in-law and the promise of grandchildren within the year.

📌 Warning: May contain some slight NSFW for spicy suggestiveness and cussing. No smut or anything super SPG—this girl can't write that for her life—but just be prepared. It's Maliksi we're talking about. We've got friends-to-lovers, obliviousness, pining, fluff, and a tikbalang simp. Figure it out. 😃

(word count: 7,454) ♥︎ Part Two: ?

》 AUTHOR'S NOTE 《

Not an Inday spinoff, but a lengthy oneshot in celebration of this blog getting 90 followers. Just ten more to 100, yay! Thank you so much for the love and support, everyone. I also promised that I'll be making this brainrot that @binibiningbabaylan and I have fangirled over a few days ago (find the original post here) when I finished the latest chapter of Inday. Here it is! 🥰

Before I forget, I was also inspired by the cute fic made by @crispybasil titled "Sunshowers" and the "Trese Boys As Things My Guy Friends Do" made by the amazing @smolla-than-a-bug (I bow down to your wonderful works in the Trese fandom). I definitely see Maliksi to be the type to go on spontaneous roadtrips and be the boyfriend to drive you around eveeeerywhere (while also driving you crazy). 🚘

There are also some songs mentioned throughout this work. You should probably listen to them while reading for the full experience. Ending was somewhat rushed but eh, I'm too exhausted and I've rewritten it too many times. Also, if someone makes some actual tikbalang smut, tag me please. Anyways, enjoy! 💕

The way it all started was hilarious. Absolutely fucking hilarious. It happened like a blur. Literally. One second, you were snoozing in your bed. The next? You had a seatbelt on in the shotgun seat of a sophisticated-looking car. Your brain didn't even get to process it yet.

"... So let me get this straight," you grumbled, still half-asleep from your sleep marathon. You just finished a hugely successful project at work yesterday, got promoted, and wanted to make up for the restless nights you spent overtime in the office. Of course you were irritated from being disturbed. You were on vacation leave for two entire weeks, originally planning to go into temporary isolation by deactivating your social media accounts and reserving a beach cabana for yourself in Batangas.

Well, turns out, you weren't going to Batangas anytime soon. All because your unreasonably spontaneous bestfriend of ten hectic years stole you from your apartment at 2AM. Was this considered kidnapping? Was this him just being more in touch with his tikbalang side, taking unsuspecting women in their sleep and leading them to their inevitable death? (He was going over the speed limit, so it was a valid thought.) Will wearing your shirt inside-out save you today? Lord, masyado ka pang pagod para mag-isip ngayon.

"Go on."

"You abducted picked me up in the middle of the night because you want me to be your plus one at your cousin's wedding in Tagaytay?"

"Yup. And technically, the venue is right on the outskirts of Cavite going to Tagaytay," he corrected you as a matter-of-factly.

"Same thing, whatever," you huffed tiredly. "Your cousin's wedding is at 6AM today. In a few hours. In four hours."

"Uh-huh."

You groaned exasperatedly, "Mal naman, eh! You didn't even let me bring anything. Could've at least given me a heads-up a few hours ago. I'm practically emptyhanded right now save for my phone! Sinungaling ka, you said this was just a normal midnight drive—not a freaking wedding!"

The Prinsipe ng Mga Tikbalang, son of the Great Stallion, heir to the Armanaz herd, and the Top Drag Racer of C-5 Expressway—if that was even one of his Game of Thrones-like titles—grinned as he continued driving beside you. He let you continue ranting in the passenger seat while he mulled over his ultimate masterplan that would change his entire life later on. He was a spur-of-the-moment kind of guy, so all this wasn't his thing. But for you? He'll make plans, alright.

"Wala man lang akong dinalang masusuot o kahit konting makeup para maging presentable sa harapan ng buong pamilya mo," you exclaimed, in absolute despair. "Do you know how out of my league you are? Your rich-ass family might judge me—hell, your dad might see me as a hampaslupa if I show up there in my pambahay and tsinelas!"

"Psh, I'm not out of your league," Maliksi waved it off, smoothly turning a corner. "And calm down. We've known each other for a decade! My dad practically loves you as his own daughter. Heck, the entire family knows you and keeps telling me they want you adopted in already. Lolo Andres and Lola Perlita said they'd have the paperwork settled. You just need to sign them."

It would be even better (and easier) if you married into the family. To him, specifically (as if he'd let anyone else have you). God, he was already being so obvious in his advances, but you were just so damn oblivious whenever it came to romance. None of this needed to happen if you just got it through your thick skull that he was madly in love with you.

"That's not the point, idiot!" you slumped back into your seat, hopeless. "Do you think the bride and the groom will get offended? Shit, baka masumpaan ako kung magagalit sila, Mal. Mukha akong patay galing sa South Cemetery."

The long-haired tikbalang rolled his eyes, "Huwag kang mag-alala. Nothing's going to go wrong. Chill ka lang diyan. I've got everything under control, babe."

Babe. Yes, he even called you babe but you thought it was him being a himbo and a massive flirt. Now, it was his common term of endearment for you, but you still assumed it was him just being irksome to you and that you couldn't stop the man from saying it anymore. Thus, you let it be (the most obvious hint of his attraction to you, bestie).

"... Ugh, why didn't you ask Hannah or Amie to go with you?"

He just smiled knowingly, shrugging and making up an excuse, "Nagmamadali ako, eh. Hannah and Amie are also coming, but they already have the other tikbalang as dates."

"'Luh, ako pala ang backup choice mo?"

"Heh. Whatever you want to think."

Little did you know that you were always his first choice. Always. Even when he pursued Alexandra Trese many years ago, trying to convince himself you were just his best friend, it was always you. How did he come to that realization? Well, an international band he was a fan of released a song a couple years ago and he heard it being played in a club in BGC. The song title?

It Was Always You by Maroon 5.

Needless to say, after hearing the song and being unable to get it—get you—out of his mind at night, he stopped courting Alexandra. Unfortunately for him, that time, you'd started dating other men. Therefore, he was left on the sidelines... until your latest and most painful breakup, at least. That was five years ago. You still hadn't dated anyone since then, kind of traumatized from getting into another failed relationship like that.

In the present day, as if the fates were playing on you two, one of your favorite artists played on the radio. A very ironic song given the situation you two were in.

Best Friend by Rex Orange County.

Maliksi knew it was a favorite of yours. He knew it by the way your eyes lit up like a star brightening the twinkling night sky. Like the sun first rising in the morning at Apolaki's command. Like the moon extending its gentle rays from the magic of Mayari herself. If there was anything he wanted to ask of the old gods, it was you—everything else be damned.

"I wanna be the one that makes your day, the one you think about as you lie awake," you half-sang and half-screamed happily, somewhat out-of-tune. "I can't wait to be your number oooooone! I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine—"

Maliksi glanced at you, not minding that his eardrums were probably getting microscopic ruptures from your aggressive singing. As much as he wanted to stare at you all day, he had to keep his eyes on the road. But the lyrics you were singing were wrong; the Prince of the Tikbalang was already yours from day one.

"Babe, McDo drive-through tayo for breakfast. Let me make it up to you. Gusto mo ng caramel sundae for your promotion gift? Sige. Ako bahala. Chicken nuggets din? Mabubusog ka ba niyan? I don't think they serve those this early..."

》》》

"Sandali lang!" you shouted out from inside an empty room. You'd just arrived at the venue—the Alta Veranda de Tibig in Silang, Cavite (practically the gateway to Tagaytay)—an hour or so ago. The hired makeup artist just left so that you could privately change into the outfit that had been bought specifically for you. Curse Mal and his ability to buy anything (perhaps anyone) he wanted. "Bwiset, Mal, you didn't tell me we'd be part of the damn entourage. We have to be walking the aisle in thirty minutes, simbako! You just love rushing me, don't you!?"

If only you were the one walking down the aisle today towards him.

When you exited the room, Maliksi couldn't help but let his jaw drop as he skimmed your figure, clad in the luxurious, silky satin blush midi dress he bought in one of those fancy stores in Makati yesterday. He imagined that it would look great on you, but now, seeing it on you in person... you looked divine (and frankly, he wanted to see it off your body to see what was underneath—but don't get too ahead of yourself, Mal). It was a whole 'nother level from his imagination. The deep cowl neckline and thin spaghetti straps showed your lovely collarbones... as well as a peek of your cleavage. His favorite and the best part of it all? It was backless, allowing him to gaze at the tempting curve of your spine.

He hadn't realized he had grown silent until you smiled and closed his mouth, tapping his chin.

"Lalangawin ang bibig mo, Mal," you laughed softly. Never had you seen him so speechless. You then flicked your hair back, ridiculously posing for him like you were on the cover of Vogue magazine (haba ng hair mo, gurl!). "Do I look that good? Char lang."

"... You look absolutely ravishing—I mean, uh, stunning. Hot. Yeah." That was all he could say. He mentally punched himself for not showering you with more suave compliments.

Still, your face brightened up, not knowing that the man in front of you just fell for you a thousand times harder, "Wow! Really? Damn. Ang galing talaga ng MUA na kinuha mo, ginawa akong artista. Give me their contact number later! May work event pa naman ako in two months. I'm shocked, it's like they made me rise from the dead! Even my eyebags are gone, Mal! How'd they do that?" Heck yeah, your confidence was boosted. He offered his arm to you like a gentleman, making you half-heartedly roll your eyes (you took it anyway). From holding it alone, you could tell that your best friend was a sinewy man (well, you knew that already after seeing his tikbalang form before—the little shit didn't even wear a loincloth like all his clanmates; your poor eyes were eternally scarred).

You looked him up and down. You wouldn't lie—Maliksi is and always has been an attractive man. Now? With his hair in a ponytail (pun not intended), definitely one of the hunkiest men you've ever known. "You're not looking too bad yourself, horsey."

"Ako pa!" He puffed his chest out in pride. You chuckled at his reaction.

"By the way, how do you even know my dress size and my shoe size?"

"Babe, I've known you too long. You know almost everything about me, I know everything about you."

You snorted at his confident tone, "'Di nga? You don't know every single thing about me, Mal. Assuming ka masyado."

"Alam ko nga anong cup size mo. Wala lang 'yang shoe and dress size."

You slapped his shoulder, cheeks quickly flushing red, "Huy, umayos ka! Walang hiyang tikbalang na 'to." With this guy as your best friend? You heard dirty jokes at least once a day. "Don't be inappropriate here!"

"What? It's only fair I know!" He looked down on you suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows. "You already know I always go commando, so of course I know that your bra is a size—"

"Shhh! Baka marinig ka, 'nyeta."

"So? Let them hear. My best friend has a nice set of melons!" he shouted. You were grateful there was no one around. Hopefully.

"Oh my God..."

Your best friend chortled at how flustered you'd become. He led you to where some of his family was waiting, with a couple of his relatives already greeting you. You instantly and quite easily mingled with them, your worries of them not accepting you far from even true (they all knew how much their prince loved the innocent you).

"Kayo na talaga, pare?" one of his older tikbalang clanmates asked while you went away to be fawned over by his aunts.

Maliksi chuckled, crossing his arms as he watched you from afar, "Heh. Hindi pa."

Another one of his clanmates—a younger one—laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "Talaga? That's cap, bro. You two are like a married couple already and you guys still aren't a thing?"

"Ilang taon na ba kayong magkakaibigan?" the older one asked him.

"Almost ten years," Maliksi responded, a smile unconsciously pulling his lips up as he remembered your moments together. He watched you converse with his female relatives (who adored you the moment Maliksi brought you to a family event many moons ago).

The two tikbalang snickered as they saw the look on the Great Stallion's heir.

"You're down bad," the younger one said, snapping a photo of his lovestruck kuya. "You've got it so bad for her, dudeparechong!"

"Balak mong ligawan anytime soon?" the older tikbalang inquired.

"Heh. Balak ko na ngang pakasalan. Kung pwede, ngayon."

They looked at Maliksi as if he was crazy. He was very much serious, though, even if there was a huge, lopsided smile on his face. The Prince of the Tikbalang raised a brow at them.

"What? Don't give me that look. Our ten years of being best friends is practically the courting and the dating stage already."

"Eh... you're right. Don't waste anymore time. Go and marry her today, dude. Suporta kami sa'yo, basta groomsmen kami sa kasal niyo, ha!"

"Ge. Without question."

Meanwhile, on your end with the ladies of the family, they started pestering you on your love life (like all typical Filipino aunties). Chismis everywhere.

"O, iha, single ka pa ba?"

"Kailan ka magpapakasal? Malapit ka nang pumasok sa thirties mo."

"Do you want kids? How many?"

"Are you and Maliksi a couple? You look good together! Kayo na, 'di ba?"

"Will you be getting married next? Are you engaged? When's the wedding? Invite niyo kami!"

Before you could get overwhelmed by their questions, Maliksi swept you off your feet to lead you to the entourage that was lining up outside the chapel area. Again, it happened like a blur. He laughed at the partially nauseated look on your face.

"You okay there?" he asked, grinning.

"Your family thinks we're together," you muttered quietly, not meeting his eyes. You weren't sure why you felt... tingly about their statements.

He tilted his head at you curiously, gently setting you down on your feet and helping you stand.

"Do you hate the idea?" It hurt him to ask you the question, but he wanted your thoughts on it. Perhaps doing this was a bad idea. Maliksi was competitive in many things, including wanting you to be his, but if you were so opposed to it, he would never force you into something you didn't want. He let go of your hand; you didn't even notice he'd been holding it until he let go. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

Your wide-eyed gaze snapped back to look up at him, "No! No, it's not that! And... it's not bad." Your hand felt strangely empty now that his was gone. Biting your lip, you disclosed, "You're not making me uncomfortable, Mal. Don't ever think that."

With that, you shyly interlocked your arm with his, tearing your eyes from his to mask the growing warmth you felt spreading in your veins. You two didn't say anything else when the ushers let you walk down the beautiful, petal-covered aisle together.

The man beside you was starstruck. Hopeful. Maybe both of you did have a chance. Maybe somewhere in the depths of your soul, his feelings for you were being reciprocated. For the rest of the sacred ceremony in the gorgeous main pavilion, both of you relished in short, comfortable, and low conversations. He even cracked jokes every once in a while—really funny ones that made it challenging for you to you stifle your laughter.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride."

Maliksi fervently prayed to Bathala that he'd experience the same opportunity he was seeing with you someday. One day.

Even while the sun was brightly out, the sky began showering down light rain onto the land. You were in awe as you looked out the window.

"Hala, totoo nga pala! Tignan mo!" you laughed, tugging Maliksi's suit sleeve, pointing at the window.

"Na ano?" he curiously inquired, not understanding what you were referring to.

"Na kapag may tikbalang na kinakasal, umuulan habang may araw pa," you replied, eyes filled with childlike mirth and wonder. A rainbow had even begun to form by the clouds. "Look, it's magical! Ang ganda pala ng view dito kasama ang old Spanish architecture. Timeless na timeless. It's so pretty, 'no? Picture tayo 'maya, Mal."

Unlike you, it wasn't the sky outside that the prince was looking at. Amidst the loud cheers for the newlywed couple and the bubbles the guests were blowing, his vision could only focus on how magnificent you looked while being amazed. You were his best view. (Ed from 90-Day Fiancé, kabahan ka na, may katapat ka sa pickup line mo.)

》》》

"Smile for the picture!"

You giggled as Maliksi was dragged into a photo-op with the bridesmaids and the important older wedding sponsors a few feet away (funnily, he looked a little constipated around them). All of a sudden, when he was heading back to your direction, you were roughly pushed into the said man's arms. When you turned around, there was nothing (except maybe a gust of wind that came out of nowhere).

"Ooh, gotcha. Careful," the tikbalang steadied you, strong hands holding your biceps. "Natapilok ka?"

"... Huh, hindi naman," you wondered suspiciously, looking around. "I think someone pushed me? Parang tinulak ako... but wala namang tao."

"Weird. Maybe it was just the wind."

It actually was. Really. Maliksi knew for a fact that it was those two taong hangin who were spying on you from the corner, trying to pair you up. He gave them a thumbs-up while your back was turned in the opposite direction. Hannah and Amie returned the thumbs-up before vanishing. Suddenly, the two wedding photographers had moved on from the bridesmaids and were right beside you.

"What a lovely couple you two are!" she praised. Before you could correct her, she held up the black contraption she held towards you two. "Pose for the camera, lovelies!"

And so you did, the photographer guiding you two on what to do. Maliksi wrapped his arm around your waist and you leaned on his side, looking sidewards to the camera with one leg cocked in front of the other. Her assistant, who was holding a polaroid camera, printed out two photos for you.

"Thank you," you told him, taking the photos from his hands then flicking them rapidly to make the images develop. You and Mal were about to walk to the reception area when the photographer stopped you, handing the male beside you a business card.

"If you two need a photographer or a videographer for your wedding, call me," she signaled to both of you before running to another guest, bringing her assistant with her.

You gawked, "Mal, did you just hear what she said?"

"Loud and clear." A grin was on his face. He seemed very pleased at what he heard.

"... How can she even tell if someone is married or not?"

Maliksi's free hand took your left hand, tapping the ring finger, "Nothing here."

"Ooooooh. I get it now." Your brows creased. "Huh. This is like the fifth time today the people here have mistaken us for a couple."

Maliksi shrugged, teasing you, "Who knows? Baka may potential tayo, babe."

Before you could ask him what he meant, he was hurriedly towing you to the reception venue. While he was doing that, you stared at the now-developed polaroid photos you were holding. Huh. Maybe you two did look like a couple.

"Come on, they're serving some snacks at the welcome reception area. Peach pie and mango float-flavored. Paborito mo, babe."

》》》

The rest of the night went by without a hitch. You were actually enjoying the event—the host was great, the food was great, the music was great. Everything was great... that was, until the games.

"Alright! Now that the bride's garter has been removed, let's have the bouquet and garter toss... starting with the females!" the host announced. "Dear bride, please stay here in front. And all single ladies—and by single I mean ready to mingle and are not married—please rise and stand here on the dance floor. Let's play matchmaker tonight, everyone!"

"Uy, single ladies daw," Maliksi nudged your side. "Sign mo na 'yan." You snorted like a pig.

"Nope, ayokong madamay sa bouquet toss," you whisper-yelled at your best friend. "Do you know how embarrassing that is?! Besides, they won't notice if I don't join! Special tactic ko 'yan sa weddings: pretending I'm not single. Katabi naman kita."

More women came to the front, making you feel assured that you didn't need to participate. The host was about to say something, when the bride interrupted to whisper something into his ear.

"Hala, halaaa! Sabi ko all single ladies, pero may isang single lady na nagtatago pa!" he announced, making you freeze. Please don't let it be you. "What's her name, beloved bride?"

"Y/N L/N." You nearly spat out your champagne. You? Did they just call out your name? How did they know?

"Oh fuck," you cursed quietly.

"'Di ka makakatakas dito, babe," Maliksi jabbed, making you stand up. "Tinatawag ka na."

"Baka may ibang Y/N L/N dito," you resisted, attempting to sit back down. "I can't do this, Mal."

"'Sus, ikaw pa. And it's just a symbolic ceremony!" he encouraged, as if he didn't have any underlying intentions. "I doubt the bouquet will go to you anyway."

Sheesh, what a big fat liar you are, tikbalang prince.

You expressed your dissatisfaction with the situation, "Bwiset, fine. I'll just... dodge it. Or evade it. God, I swear..." You calmed down, confident. "I'm not going to worry. I've never caught the bouquet at my own friends' weddings anyway."

When you were at the dance floor, Maliksi snickered, seeing the bride—his cousin—wink at him. After all, he had thoroughly bribed her earlier.

《《《

"It's about time you settled down with someone, Mal," the bride commented while he slipped her the newest Hermés designer bag filled with a bunch of jewelry (plus some bills) two hours ago, right before the reception began and while you were in the restroom freshening up. "Hehehe, this is why you're my favorite cousin."

"Do we have a deal?"

"Of course. I'll make sure she participates. I'll also try to throw it in her direction."

"Good. Thanks."

"You better invite me to your beach wedding. I can tell how much you love her."

"Not a problem. I'll even make you a sponsor."

The bride stared at her bouquet, already practicing how she was going to throw it, "Tito's going to thank me so much for ensuring that he's going to get grandkids soon, hihi."

》》》

Back to the present, on the other end of the room, Maliksi saw a familiar duo give him a sign that they were ready. Bingo. Time to execute the most important part of his plan.

《《《

"I don't care how you do it," he told the two wind elementals after he bribed the bride. "I've already instructed the bride on what she should do, pero siguraduhin niyo lang talagang lumipad sa kanya ang bouquet."

"Mmhmm," Amie flipped her hair, a hand on her cocked hip. "And what do we get in return, oh great Señorito Armanaz?"

"Sagot ko bar-hopping niyo for one month."

The two girls pretended to think about it, making Maliksi roll his eyes. He had to pull out the big guns, huh?

"Fine. Magbibigay ako ng cash deposit plus pwede niyong gamitin ang black card ko for a one-week shopping spree in Ortigas." There. Bullseye. That's what they liked.

"Deal!" they exclaimed excitedly.

Hannah let a cool gust of wind enter one of the nearby windows, testing out how they're going to do this. "Ano pa bang pinaplano mo for Y/N mamaya?"

Maliksi hummed, "Basta."

》》》

You tried your best to hide within the densest part of the group of women. The bride seemed to have her eyes on you, weirdly enough, and she looked almost feral wanting to throw her flowers into someone's face.

That someone being you. Most likely.

"Target locked on," you saw her mouth move. She positioned herself like she was about to throw a football at someone (ahem, you). Holy shit, was she talking to you? Miss ma'am, it was a bouquet toss not a bouquet throw. The bride seemed to notice this, and once more regained her elegant composure.

"3, 2, 1," the host counted down. "Go!"

Surprisingly, the bouquet flew very high into the air (it was a wonder it didn't get tangled in the ceiling decor), but quite a distance away from you. You grinned, knowing it was too far to even touch you. Squeezing through the crowd of women eagerly awaiting the bouquet, you went to return to your assigned table.

Ah, what a wonderful evening.

Sike!

Something painfully landed right into your face, leaves and flowers getting into your hair and mouth.

... Wait, leaves and flowers?

Before you could comprehend it, the bouquet dropped right into your arms. What kind of ungodly, inhuman force allowed this to even happen?

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our lucky girl for the night!" Everyone clapped, with some—those guests you knew—even cheering your name unbelievably loud. The host approached you, a glint in his eye which you couldn't understand. "Miss Y/N, kindly sit here while we await the lucky guy who catches the garter from the groom."

What just happened?

"All single gentlemen, please proceed to the dance floor. Remember, the man who gets the garter gets to slip it onto the lucky lady's leg later!"

Oh, God. You pinched the bridge of your nose. What you'd give to be back at home or to be in that resort in Batangas you'd planned on going to for a solo vacation.

"To make this even more exciting," the host stated, handing you a black blindfold. "Our lucky lady has to keep her eyes closed until her lucky man for the night captures the bride's garter! When the music plays, only then can she uncover her eyes."

See? Humiliating, just as you expected. Still, you wrapped the blindfold around your head (albeit hesitantly). You attempted to guess who it might be, thinking of all the tikbalang friends Maliksi had introduced to you back then whenever he invited you to his clan reunions.

"Groom, are you ready?" the host asked, microphone loud and clear.

"Ready na ready!"

"Single gentlemen, are you ready?!"

"Ready na ready! Awoo, awoo!" they loudly chorused, exactly mimicking Spartans about to engage in battle. You sweatdropped in the seat you were in. This was actually kind of scary. Maybe you felt a bit objectified.

"3, 2, 1, go!"

There was a brief moment of silence, which made you concerned. Ba't ang tahimik? Then, everyone erupted into roars and bravoes much louder than when you caught the bouquet—perhaps even louder by tenfold. What the heck was happening?!

The music played. Very raunchy, spicy, babymaking music. You expected it to be the typical Careless Whisper by George Michael or Pony by Ginuwine (corny songs which you could probably laugh at, at least), but no. Nuh-uh, this was probably worse. The DJ must be pretty young, the song of their choosing being a slowed, bass-boosted, sexier remix of Earned It by the Weeknd.

Ano 'to, bold? Fifty Shades of Grey? The hell was this?

Alright. This was embarrassing. Thank the heavens there were no children at this party. From the music alone and its implications, this was strictly for adults.

You removed your blindfold (that was okay now, right?) as the guests whistled playfully. You peeked one eye open reluctantly, then inwardly groaned. Oh, no. You should've expected it to be him of all people from how loud the reactions were. And all those yells from the crowd were from his family.

Son of a—

"Well, this has proven to be a very interesting arrangement!" the host proclaimed. "Our lucky man for tonight is none other than our great clan leader's heir, Maliksi Armanaz! Congratulations, sir! You get to slip the lacey little garter on Miss Y/N!"

The said very smug tikbalang stood a few feet away from the chair you were sitting on, smirking at you. His hair was no longer in that mesmerizing ponytail—instead, he'd tied it into a more sinfully attractive man-bun, loose strands framing his face and accentuating that sharp, angled jaw of his (say yes and thank you to Manny Jacinto's jawline, besties).

"Let's cheer him on in his new mission, everybody!" the host pushed. Was this that glint in his eye earlier? And was that a one thousand peso bill sticking out of his pocket?

The groomsmen, Mal's cousins and uncles whom you've met before, hollered words of encouragement to the tall man (who was, oddly enough, not one bit fazed). In fact, Maliksi seemed like he was famished as he stared you down.

You swallowed, feeling like you were going to get eaten (heh, say that again). Maliksi had shrugged off his dark suit blazer to the beat of the song (holy fuck, he also unclasped the suspenders attached to his pants right before your eyes—asdfghjkl). Were you prepared for this? No. Will you ever be prepared? No!

"Mr. Armanaz, before you begin," the host interrupted. "We have an additional challenge for you in this mission. Kaya mo ba? It was a request of the newlywed couple."

"What is it?"

"Use your teeth!" the bride and the groom cheerfully shouted, clapping with the other guests. Whatdidtheysaaaaay???

The cocky bastard didn't even hesitate, his smirk at you growing wider; those pearly whites of his on full display. Was it just you or were his canines a little sharper than usual?

"Anything for the newlyweds. Challenge accepted," he dashingly replied, winking at you. You sputtered indignantly. Pisteng yawa. Putangina. Putek. Pakshet. You swore you thought of every swear word in the book at that moment. What did that YouTube parody song about Filipino mythological creatures say again? About the tikbalang? Ah, yes. Half-macho dancer and half-stallion. Maybe the joke was true, especially when you saw what Maliksi did next.

He bit the shred of lace, loosening his necktie (bestie, you good there?), unbuttoning some top buttons, and rolling up the sleeves of his collared white undershirt up to his elbows (consequently showing off his toned, veiny forearms—those lucky bridesmaids behind him nearly fainted). Honestly, you felt like you were about to lose your mind from embarrassment. With how tantalizing your guy best friend was being? Let our response be: San Pedro, kunin mo na ako. Was he doing all this to tease you? To rile you up?

Because damn it all, it was working. In your ten years of knowing Maliksi Armanaz, withstanding all his daily dirty jokes and flirtatious attempts, never had you seen him like this. So... wolfish. Ravenous. Like he was a man that hadn't been fed in years.

He stalked closer towards you, falling to his knees in front of your legs. Your gown had a long slit that extended up to an inch or two below where your left leg began—your best friend was eyeing his target already, knowing where to place the garter. Normally, you would never even wear something as revealing as this gown. It just wasn't your type, but Maliksi was the one who bought this for you for this specific occasion, so you had no choice. It was this or your pantulog he stole you in just hours ago. At first, you were confident in the gown. Now? You felt too... naked.

Somehow, in the heat of it all, you'd muted out the noise of the venue. Maliksi teasingly lifted your foot up, fingertips slyly grazing the thin shoe straps around your left foot—his calculated touch leaving fire in its trail. Once the garter had been successfuly inserted past your high-heeled stilettos, the man kneeling in front of you kept his hands to himself. Despite the fact that now there was absolutely zero skin-to-skin contact between you and this man, your body felt hotter than it ever was before as he expertly slid the lacy bit of cloth up your ankle at an agonizingly slow pace.

Maliksi's warm eyes had turned dark, his pupils blown, a tinge of red in them—of his true beast—while he maintained striking eye contact with you, pulling the garter up your calf with his teeth. Smoothly tugging... tugging... tugging. Tangina, it was like he was undressing you with his eyes alone; like he was telepathically telling you to keep your eyes open.

To keep your eyes on him, where he was knelt inbetween your legs, his hands intentionally locked on his back. Did you ever imagine this? Him between your legs? Maybe. Once or twice. But you never thought about it seriously; Maliksi dated girls left and right in the past.

His lips... his lips were so close... so close to your leg that you could feel the heat of his breath along with the lace. Were you about to die? Perhaps you already did. Maybe you were in heaven. Up... up... up... snap!

Suddenly, he stopped, grinning up at you mischievously and letting the elastic bounce back to the skin of your left knee.

"I'm not going any further, don't worry, babe," he whispered, noting that your eyes had become misty and glazed over. Internally, he grew worried. "That's enough." Did he think it was from discomfort? From you being uncomfortable? Bitch, no. It was the exact opposite. You had never been this turned on in your entire life.

You felt like your soul had left your body at that moment. Did you just have a heart attack? Was your blood pressure okay? Before you or Maliksi could stand, however, someone bellowed from the wedding sponsor tables.

"Higher! That's an order!"

Fucking hell, it was Maliksi's father who shouted. He wasn't in the huge tikbalang form you'd normally meet him in, but he was still very intimidating in his humanoid form, commanding attention and subservience wherever he went. You could tell where Maliksi got it from.

Instantly, the other guests—already half-drunk and wanting the spirit of partying to continue on—joined in.

"Higher! Higher!"

The host cheered, "You heard Señor Armanaz! Higher!"

Maliksi gave you a questioning look. Even if it was his father who spoke up, he still wouldn't do anything you didn't want. Well, you two made it this far; there was no point in getting embarrassed now. You bit the inside of your cheek, nodding. You probably couldn't erase the redness on your skin with how much you'd blushed from this night. It was as if the heat was tattooed onto your skin.

"Go on, Mal," you whispered to him, bending your torso down closer to his face, eyes half-lidded from want. "Finish what you started, babe."

With those sultry bedroom eyes he'd never once seen you show him before—plus you turning the tables with that familiar term of endearment, how could he refuse? Like a switch had been flipped inside him, he immediately complied, taking the frilly scrap of stretchy lace between his teeth once more, moving it further up to your thighs until where your high slit ended—centimeters below the warming juncture between your legs.

Your legs felt wobbly... boneless, as you stood up from the chair, the fabric of your gown cascading over where the lace sat securely on your upper left thigh. The party was still going strong even after you two finished the garter wearing tradition.

"'Atta boy! That's my son!" Señor Armanaz blazoned, standing up and raising his glass for a toast. "Cheers to the newlywed couple! May they last forever!"

You guys weren't the newlyweds, but it did sure feel like it. If the clan leader was hyped up, everyone was hyped up. Heck, the groom and the bride didn't mind one bit what had just transpired on their dance floor. In all the chaos, Maliksi took you out of the reception area and somewhere quieter. More private.

You would need to have a serious, urgent talk with your boy best friend.

》》》

You two silently sat on a stone bench in a gazebo somewhere in the reserved venue for the wedding, trying to cool down and get yourselves back together (at this point, you needed ice from that steamy, half-scandalous event you just went through). Here, there was no one else except for the chirping of crickets, the lush trees surrounding the area, and the golden fairy lights strewn all over the roof. Awkwardness was something you'd expected after what just happened, but somehow, you still felt comfort in this man's presence. For the past thirty minutes, both of you just stayed still, lost in your thoughts and reflecting.

"Mal?" you finally spoke up.

"... Hmm?"

"Ano tayo?"

"Whatever you want us to be."

Your fingers instinctively reached out for his, just like they always did when you were anxious. Sensing this, he grasped your hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Soothingly. He massaged the skin of your fingers, distracting you from your nervousness. It seemed like both nothing and everything changed between both of you. The gesture was the same, but so different at the same time.

"Mahal mo ako." It was not a question. It was a statement. A truth—one that you'd been too blind to see before. One that you only discovered while you stared into each other's eyes in that party not as best friends. You realized with a jolt in your heart what he really felt for you, and now, what you really felt for him. In those thirty minutes of silence, you knew. You just knew.

"Yes. I do."

"... Just as a best friend?" you probed.

"..."

Finally, you gazed into his eyes, previously so dark and full of hunger. Now? Just reluctant. Vulnerable. Open. Unsure of what to do next.

Seems like you had to be the one to take initiative tonight. Taking out your phone, you opened your music app and pressed play on a certain song. Ikaw at Ako by Johnoy Danao. You removed your heels (which were starting to blister your ankles and toes), then pulled him up to stand.

"Dance with me," you murmured, grabbing his arms to wrap them around your waist. He was stiff. Tense. What was he to do when the woman he's been pining after for so long let him hold her? All his gallantry and ability to romance disappeared out the window the moment you let him touch you so intimately.

You two weren't even waltzing. Just swaying. Slowly, you leaned your head on his broad chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart.

"... I love you," Maliksi admitted in the middle of it all, feeling like he was dreaming. Your head on his chest kept him grounded to reality, however. "More than anything in the universe. I fell for you ever since you patched me up when you were nineteen and I was a reckless drag racer who didn't have a purpose in life. 'Nung dinala mo ako pabalik sa Armanaz Tower on the verge of death. Simula noon, ikaw lang."

"I realized that," you smiled, reminiscing the old memory. You were just a broke college student that time, coming back to your dorm from making your group thesis at a classmate's house. Imagine your panic when you found a half-man, half-horse bleeding out by some bushes on the way home at night. Despite your fear and your little money (only enough to feed you for the week), you went out of your way to buy a first-aid kit at the nearest 7/11. It was scary, but you managed to mend the creature's wounds by the side of the road. When he was finally able to speak, turning fully human (which you admit, freaked you out initially), you arduously carried him back to his address—to his father and his clan, even if you had classes the very next morning. Because of your heroic deed of saving their precious heir, the tikbalang clan had become indebted to you: a teenage girl on the verge of a mental academic breakdown, just making her way through the cruel adult world. How old of a memory that was, you thought, yet you still recalled it in perfect detail. "Just a while ago."

"Ah." He swayed you gently.

"Lahat ng ito, plano mo?"

"... Yes," Maliksi fessed up. "Except for this part where we're here dancing in this belvedere. Wala sa plano ko. Gusto ko sanang magconfess doon sa may fountain para sweet, pero..."

You lifted your head off his chest, smiling at him with one brow raised, "You know, between both of us, you're supposed to be the spontaneous one. Planning isn't usually your thing."

"I know. It's a failure, huh?" Maliksi sighed.

"Nah." You shook your head, then suddenly locked lips with him. It was so fast and surprising he didn't even get the chance to return your first kiss. For once, you caught him off guard. You pecked him on the lips again. "It's not a failure."

"Wha—"

"I'm sorry for making you wait, Maliksi. Ten years. We're twenty-nine now, and only tonight do I realize how blind I've been. We've been going around in circles, wasting so much time. Ayoko nang mag-aksaya ng oras," you whispered guiltily against his lips. How could you have been so blind? Andaming nasayang na taon. Making up your mind, you told him, "Yes. Sige, I accept. I'll be your plus one."

The tikbalang was flustered and baffled from the kiss, as well as your revelation, "... But, you already are?"

"No, silly. I meant that I'll be your plus one for life. For as long as you'll have me," you laughed, now processing that you were currently dancing barefoot with your boy best friend and had just kissed him in a wedding you didn't even plan on going to. The universe had a mysterious way of doing things. "Guess I'm the spontaneous one now, huh?"

Maliksi was tongue-tied. "Seryoso ka ba? Is... Is this a marriage proposal?"

"Whatever you want it to be," you echoed his words back to him. "Best friend, plus one, girlfriend, wife—mmpf!"

He kissed you so hard your lips bruised. After an impromptu makeout session which was definitely more in character for Maliksi, you both pulled away, panting heavily in search for air, still desperate for passion. He cupped your cheeks, giving you a sweet, featherlight Eskimo kiss.

"You're missing one more title."

"Hm? What do you mean, Mal?"

"Love of my life." He kissed you again, this time lifting you off your feet and spinning you around (his sneaky right hand was resting on your bum, too, giving it a tight squeeze). You know in the Princess Diaries where the main character's foot just... pops whenever the prince charming kissed her? Yeah, that happened to you on that humid summer night. This was right. You two were meant to be together. Everything was falling into place.

The bungalow you reserved for your Batangas vacation leave ended up being the site of your very eventful honeymoon with the Prince of the Tikbalang (with his libido, it wasn't that difficult to continue where you'd left off in the garter toss; that scrap of lace came off your leg the same way it went on). Actually, nauna pa ang honeymoon sa actual wedding (it was definitely spontaneous). Right after your confession in that alcove, you two went to Maliksi's father to ask for his blessing (which he gladly gave, cackling and saying that it took you long enough) before you guys went driving off to Batangas that night. You and Mal indeed had lots and lots of fun in that resort (I'll let you imagine the rest). More beautiful memories were made from that point on—this time, not just as best friends.

All that and your small, intimate wedding occurred in early April. Just when you thought that it'd be impossible to fulfill Maliksi's life goal of having a baby within the year (nine months of pregnancy meant that the earliest you'd give birth would be January next year), the impossible happened.

Exactly thirty-two weeks later, on New Year's Eve, the Armanaz herd welcomed one prince and two new princesses into the world. Triplets who were instantly adored by everyone in the clan.

Señor Armanaz had never been happier, and so were you and your husband. Your best friend. The love of your life. Your forever plus one.

Maybe being spontaneous wasn't so bad after all.

Taglist: @belladaises @binibiningbabaylan @4kodzuk3n @sparklingmallow @severuslovebot @holyshxtangel @marinac15 @space-flamingo @pippethealien @kashasenpai @disappointmentpastry @hornehlittleweeblet2 @seijohoe @monimiin @ibelievein2dmensupremacy @tinybonksharkcop @methehipster @banisuoh @genshin-idiot @lemonnie-kimmie

[phoenixyfriend]

Thoughts on “Auntie Soka and Little Leia” now that I’ve actually got it posted:

Call it a director’s cut! The process of actually writing the thing, and also jokes made along the way. Link to the actual fic.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy for image descriptions, even the text screenshots. Might come back that later. Most of this was DMs with @atagotiak​.

This was an entire thing before I even started writing:

Before I decided on ages and stuff Ahsoka, to Jango, who has had zero contact with Kaminoans: Okay I know I'm a Jedi kid so you hate me but this toddler is your clone from the future. Jango, tired: What the FUCK are you talking about. Rex, barely able to talk: Don't you dare leave me with him, Commander! Ahsoka: I'm not going to leave you I just--I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired I haven't slept in five days and someone tried to kidnap Leia two days ago I am so fucking tired I need help

Ben: [twenty years of depression followed by a 'now I'm safe' breakdown over the course of weeks] Sokari: [whatever the FUCK this mess is]

When Ahsoka mentions there only being three other Jedi at the time of her death,  I was thinking Kanan, Yoda, and Obi-Wan (Leia told her about the latter two living past her). She's not counting anyone that received training after the Temple fell, and she didn’t know about Cal.

When Leia says  “I was adopted and raised by one of the founders of the rebellion, a movement built on the desire to instate freedom and democracy in a galaxy that had lost even the pretense.”

Depa: I'm no therapist but I diagnose you with "incredibly fucked up." Ahsoka: yeah, that’s fair

"Why did you pick Depa for--" She's pretty and I'm gay. Also because of the Kanan thing But mostly I'm gay "It's not a visual medi--" GAY

Empty of context beyond general post-fic AU: "Hey Sokari, we need to engage in psychological warfare against this individual and--" "I'm going to break into his office and leave a threatening note on his desk and leave no other sign that I was there. He'll see that his security is nothing and the only reason he isn't dead is because I'm too nice to kill him." "...okay, not what we were planning, but that works. Why is that your first choice?" "I really like breaking and entering, it's soothing." Ben just standing there with a bland smile like This Is Normal.

"We need someone to infiltrate a highly guarded facility in hostile territory." "So we're sending the Torrent kids?" [sigh] "We're sending the Torrent kids."

Rex and Sokari insist on both going by "Torrent" even though Rex could be a Fett. Jango really wants him to be a Fett. Rex has too many grudges to agree to being a Fett for... a while.

I really hope it's blatantly obvious that Ahsoka's not a reliable narrator for some things Ahsoka: Fett could care less if I died Jango: jfc even if you are older than me I can see you're fucked up. Drink your hot chocolate. Hells. She's got good reason to expect him to hate her as a Jedi! BUT. THAT IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF REALITY

We don’t get a lot of actual characterization for Jango, but the way I played him out here is he has never really parsed that Jedi are people before all this. It's a lot harder to treat them as a monolith when the traumatized former child soldier is having regular breakdowns in your shitty little kitchen

Fett: I respect you Ahsoka: No, don't do that

Ahsoka’s vigilantism is something that, in my mind, she's associating heavily with Zygerria and then the clones.

I figured that she never bothered to learn Quinlan’s teacher’s name but in the process of looking up some basic facts (whether he had a surname), I found that Wookiepedia was forced to give us a VERY wide range of possible death in Legends.

Please take a moment to imagine Quinlan's FACE when Ahsoka initially dismisses him. Quinlan has put a lot of effort into being rogueishly charming! It's very useful for his line of work! He knows to expect either irritation or a return flirtation when he acts like this with people his own age! Ahsoka is not flustered OR rolling her eyes and insulting him, she's just ignoring him and it's a bit of a blow to the ego

This just makes me really happy:

This was the initial comment I made, as a joke What if Maul is just. There. On one of the planets they make a pitstop at. What if Maul exists as the walking problem he is, but fifteen, and Ahsoka immediately tries to kick his ass and drag him back to Coruscant. I do not have room for this plot but What If

Despite not having room for this plot, I proceeded to write this plot.

Maul is kidnapped and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him HE'S FIFTEEN HE'S DUMB AS SHIT AND HAS A BAD ATTITUDE AND YEAH HE'S A DARKSIDER BUT HE'S FIFTEEN

Ahsoka: I sense... Maul [takes off sprinting] Rex: [immediately takes Jango's blaster and runs after her] Jango: Wait who Tholme: Who Quinlan: Who Jango: [looks at Leia] Leia: I don't know who that is either! Ahsoka, already wrestling a teenager to the ground: Oh no, you're a child, REX STUN HIM AND GRAB THE CUFFS, I'M SURE FETT OR THOLME HAS SOME

Fighting him isn't even legal, they have NO evidence of criminal wrongdoing, so first she needs to yell until he admits to something she can fight him about

Ahsoka: When I see Maul, it's on SIGHT Maul: WHO ARE YOU

Ahsoka: The Force didn't give me hands just to NOT throw them when I run into That Crafty Son Of A Bitch

Ben, when they arrive, after the tearful reunion: You... you brought Maul. Ahsoka: Well, yeah, he's fifteen and kinda dumb. I figured we could drag him here and force him into therapy, see what happens. Ben: I can't quite tell through the gag, but I think he's threatening to feed you your own spleen. Ahsoka: Lol, yeah.

Ben is absolutely on team "get Maul therapy" and will fight the Council on rehabilitating the baby Sith But also it's like. Here's your daughter! And your niece! And your daughter's QPP! Also your best friend, but baby, and his teacher, and the biological origin of a number of people you cared for deeply! AND ALSO THE GUY WHO SPENT LITERAL DECADES CRAVING YOUR DEATH, FOR SOME REASON

I just really want Ahsoka lovingly bullying Maul She gives him noogies and the horns don't protect him because girl has reinforced gloves

Maul's only allowed a low-power training saber and his fights with Sokari involve Much Taunting by her and Eventual Screaming by him, and everyone pops by to see: 1. Sokari doing the most absurd flips, for fun. 2. The bullshit that is ataru-shien reverse-grip jar'kai in the hands of someone who makes it work 3. What a Sith lightsaber form looks like 4. Just the general nonsense that is the way these two fight

Tia said “Wrt ridiculous flips. I'm remembering that time she beheaded four Kryst'ad at once.” and I just Rex brings up the quadruple beheading at one point to get someone to stop asking questions and the awkward, horrified silence almost makes him regret it. And then Sokari just snorts and makes a joke about how Rex once speared a slaver point-blank and everyone's just like hello??? "are you two okay" "no"

Maul absolutely starts crushing on Sokari after a 'sword under chin' moment and she's just very "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you're fifteen, bye" GO MAKE PUPPY EYES AT OBI-WAN OR SOMETHING

The crushes are the worst part of everything, really, she's an attractive young woman that can kick a lot of ass, and a lot of people are into that! Unfortunately, most of those people are a decade younger than she is, mentally, because all the people her actual age look at her and see a child on account of the 17yo body.

It’s almost a good thing she’s in no place mentally for a relationship.

I just want Ahsoka to wear beskar.... I think that would be Nice........

This AU is also what caused this post.

I'm deeply enamored by the idea that Ahsoka can win fights against "older" padawans pretty much unilaterally, even when they team up 2v1 And then she offers to fight 5v1 "But only if I have permission to fight dirty." Ben approves it, a horror show full of "I fought many wars and will scream in your face or kick you in the balls if that's what it takes" follows She wins. There are no permanent injuries, but her reputation certainly gets weirder. Nobody under the rank of Knight agrees to let her fight dirty again. She just lets that stand because, well, she's not actually a padawan, she's thirty-three.

I’m not going to write this but my brain was EVIL and suggested it:

IT WOULD BE REALLY SAD IDK maybe 9yo Anakin has nightmares about what's happening to baby Ahsoka because bullshit about time-traveling force bonds IDK ANYWAY he cries to Sokari about the nightmares and she's like "oh shit" and it's time to go rescue herself from motherfucker unlimited

It's either that or she's like, expecting to welcome mini-me aaaany day now, for like, several months, before she realizes Something Went Wrong. Anakin’s dreams could even start right as she’s starting to realize something’s off.

Obi-Wan has never had a padawan that doesn't at some point bite Even Luke will, when pushed

OH also once the twins get Baby's First Lightsaber (training sabers, not real kyber), Sokari begs to borrow them for a dumb joke and tells Rex to get on her shoulders for a "Grievous Greeting" and they do The Thing

Jango and Ahsoka wrt Quinlan is just “Do I need to beat him up for you” “You realize I’ve beaten up sith lords before?”

JANGO'S TRYING He's just. "Can we be friends? Can I--can I be the guy that just noticeably gets in the way of a creep on the subway so you can be more comfortable without someone making a scene? I'm fucking trying here, give me a hint."

We didn’t actually figure out Jango’s age until this point. The only reason Fett's age matters is for Quinlan making a Wild Oats quip after Jango says he didn't know about Rex until a few weeks ago, and Fett going "How old do you think I am? And how old do you think the kid is?" and Quinlan getting Very Awkward as he does the math. Rex overhears and lets Quinlan sweat for a bit before saying "I'm a genetically-modified clone someone grew in a tube, he didn't know or have reason to know until he saw me with Sokari." Which is like. Eight additional layers of WTF, obviously, but at least Jango gets to avoid awkward wild oats jokes

Like, you’d expect the rebuttal to be ‘he’s my brother just with a biiig age gap’ or ‘he’s my nephew’

I find it very unfortunate for Quinlan that I've decided his defining characteristic in this context is going to be repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth

He’s trying so hard but "That sounds like a cool thing, maybe I'll ask ab--and it's another fucking trauma."

I'm doing Ahsoka&Jango t w i c e (there’s another fic where I’m doing it)

It’s just a fun dynamic! So much resentful respect.

Like she's twenty seconds away from calling him a bitch at any given time and he's just there like "I don't like you but I do see you move like you're about to tell an entire building to get on their knees with their hands in the air and I can respect that" Also she's probably much less judgmental about using blasters than Obi-Wan is The Maul subplot actually started with me daydreaming about Ahsoka grabbing a blaster for Reasons

I like the idea of Jango just deciding the most Useful thing he can do is help teach the Smol how to fight. He's AWKWARD around Rex and Soka because he doesn't know if there's anything he CAN teach them.

I didn’t actually plan for Tholme to figure out the age thing, he just SAID it and I had to sit there like Wait.

Ahsoka, Rex & Leia: ahhh, children Tholme: you say that like you aren’t children

I liked getting to write Rex's little "I have worked with all of them, and they're all Terrible" He loves them But They once got stranded on a planet that didn’t exist and Ahsoka died and Anakin killed a god.

There was research and discussion as to whether Ahsoka could win against Tholme but seeing as she held her own against Vader, and fought Grievous at that physical age without dying, etc.... yeah, the only thing holding her back was her body not being what she was used to, and she’s had a few weeks go adjust.

“I miss being able to just jump off skyscrapers” is such a jedi thing

Jango: I'll take the gun back if he tries to leave, they can't get far before--WHAT THE FUCK He knows Jedi are scary but he’s still not really used to just how over the top ridiculous they are He knows how to deal with Jedi in battle, not Whatever The Fuck These People Are Doing

Rex isn't even a Jedi, he's just so used to working with them. “Oh yes time for free-falling without a parachute again, same shit as always.”

Tia: I’m imagining Jango freaking out and Quinlan and Tholme being like. Concerned but mostly exasperated Clearly if they’re jumping off buildings it must be serious? But jfc they could’ve maybe communicated a bit more?

Leia: I want to finish my juice Tholme: Quin, stay with her while we go figure out what those two are doing. Quinlan: Wait what

Jango: Oh now he’s jumping off a building too??? Tholme: Sokari, you are not registered! You can't legally jump out windows yet! Jango: What the hell is going on? Is this normal?

We don’t necessarily know how often Ahsoka and Maul ran into each other after Mandalore. There was the later thing on Malachor, but other than that I'm just going with the idea that they ran into each other every year or two and just went for the eyes like feral cats

Ahsoka: I need to kick ass and you're coming with me. Rex: Yeah, okay. [several minutes later] Rex: Whose ass are we kicking?

Ahsoka and Rex

Neloms aren’t a SW fruit to the best of my knowledge, I just wanted to mess around with lemons/melons

Jango: you didn’t think any of this through, did you? Rex: you were there, you know we didn’t "When the Jedi says to jump out a window, I jump out a window."

Tholme’s real composed about stalking the ancient nigh-mythical enemy of his people, very “Life is already so goddamn weird”

This fic has been so heavy on the trauma but then I introduce Maul and suddenly it's the worst kind of comedy Nobody is competent, everyone's a little dumb, the bad guy is just grocery shopping

My propensity for banter has turned this into a six-person buddy cop comedy about Maul buying grapes They spend a significant amount to time ineffectually stalking Maul before Quin suggests the sensible option Quinlan just "You remember this is my literal job and specialty right"

Ahsoka sees Maul and all her brain cells go out the window except "Fight good" Usually she doesn’t need to worry about doing things legally. Maybe she needs to worry about someone seeing her do illegal things but she spent the past 15 yrs in a place where her existing was illegal

I feel like he’s also maybe kinda wanting to reassert that yes he is competent. Bc like. Ahsoka’s been kinda condescending this whole time and also can beat everyone up so. It's not his fault that he's actually the youngest person there, but.

Jango is finding this whole being friendly to Jedi thing a lot more overwhelming than he thought it would be. And overwhelming in different ways.

Maul usually signifies things getting worse and more horrifyingly tragic but he's just a dumb teen that they needed to arrest for his own good.

Quinlan: Look, I'm useful! Ahsoka: I've been through hell, wanna hear? Quinlan: NO. I DON'T. WHY.

Quinlan: I understand the concept of joking about your traumas, I do it sometimes myself! But sith hells that’s a lot of trauma.

Quinlan just wanted her to treat him as a Competent Individual, and here she is whipping out stories about Dying and Gods and the Force insists it's the truth and he just???? And apparently emo darksider over there is a Sith. And just, sure. Why not

A lot of people’s interactions with the time travelling disaster lineage is just

Tholme and Fett arguing and  Ahsoka's just waiting for a moment to pop in with "Hey, when's the last time either of you worked with the other's culture before this mess? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Much like Leia and Ahsoka hurting each other earlier, and Tholme figuring out the de-aging, we ALSO have Fett’s confrontation with Ahsoka being something the characters just did, rather than something I planned.

FTR the only time I managed to trigger myself while writing this fic was the “your behavior isn’t actually acceptable and we’ve all been trying really hard to give you room to recover but you have to at least make an effort to not be a bitch”

Writing about people having PTSD and symptoms of such: Yay! Writing about people having PTSD and engaging in toxic behavior to cope: Shit Ahsoka had... basically my exact reaction. It's "remind yourself that you're in the wrong, that they have a point, and then be overly formal in the apology because fuck if you accidentally make them feel sorry for you when they're the injured party"

Quinlan: Can we be friends? I mean, you're an asshole, but you're really cool. Let's be friends. (He MIGHT be nursing a crush) (Neat mysterious girl who can beat him up.)

Also he realises she's probably nicer when not having a slow-motion breakdown He's like "Huh, you'll probably be less of an asshole once you've gotten therapy."

...also, she pretty and got Nice Biceps

I love writing a good mental breakdown

I was so close to including a "he tried to kill me" just early enough for Jango to wildly misinterpret as her thinking Quinlan tried to kill her. He'd have been very confused, considering Quinlan's the one that called them down in a panic and currently has Ahsoka having her massive breakdown in his lap But

Tia:  I could see Jango interpreting it as idk, Quin resembling someone or for a moment acting like someone who tried to kill her and she had a flashback or something like that

There's absolutely room for a couple reasonable interpretations there And "trapped in a flashback about someone who tried to kill her" is absolutely what's happening! Just. You know. For a different reason. Jango probably wouldn’t assume Quin would hurt her, for one thing he seems to like her, for another even if he did he’s smart enough to pick a way that wouldn’t be so likely to get him caught

I had to step back and actually say “Also I'm just. Wow. I'm really just shoveling QPP Rex&Ahsoka at full speed”

Me, a few weeks ago, joking: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist Me, now, entirely seriously: Two halves of the same idiot black ops specialist

Me, belatedly: Oh, Ahsoka being joyfully mean to people was a form of mania she was unconsciously using to build a barrier between herself and her impending meltdown

She went from "just died" to "in charge of Rex and Leia" in like. Two minutes.

Confession: I've been delighting in the mental image of this whole Mess leading Jango to try to retake Mandalore, and Ahsoka loans him a saber for a 1v1 to get the darksaber.

“Can’t I just fight him barehanded? That’s how I did it on Galidraan.” "But the drama, Fett!"

Probably Rex has learned how to use a saber as well, because you never know when you have to borrow a weapon

I later changed my mind to Jango asking her to help, rather than her just sneak-teaching him, but it was funny.

Background nonsense to all this is Ahsoka and Rex, despite Rex being as force-sensitive as a lump of coal, having developed a process where she can extend her sensitivity to him mind-to-mind for weird symbiotic battle trance that scares everyone around them. It’s very similar to Battle meditation.

CONTEXT FOR LEIA BEING WORRIED ABOUT THOLME HIDING THINGS: Tholme is hiding the fact that the Council reached out and told him that the people he picked up might be connected to Ben and Luke, who showed up after the Depa thing but a solid week and change before Jango's ship makes it to the Temple. They asked that he not share that information to avoid getting anyone's hopes up in case the two situations aren't related. Ben and Luke haven't shared enough information for anyone to really be sure if the other three are connected Because the info Tholme has isn't quite the info Jango has, etc. And they can't just say Ben is a future Obi-Wan over comms

I just have a lot of feelings about people trying to do something right and just. Nobody's at fault! Not really! It's just complicated!

Tia: I like how when Ahsoka isn’t doing maladaptive trauma response stuff she’s very mature. And of course she’s had to be but it’s a good like, contrast. Where when she slows down to think about things she’s very sensible

Jango just spends most of this story lowkey wanting Ahsoka to Be His Friend but there's too much baggage that he's only metaphysically responsible for

Local aroace(?) has a squish

Ahsoka: He just wants to get on my good side because of Rex. Jango: I'm pretty sure you could kill an entire army without trying but you wouldn't because you have actual morals and stuff... and when I met you it was because you were killing yourself trying to keep (what appeared to be) children safe... you seem cool please be my friend.......

Ahsoka’s #1 weakness: mountains of trauma Ahsoka’s #2 weakness: she just doesn’t get why so many people think she’s cool and want her to be their (girl)friend

Jango, a 27yo massacre survivor who's killed Jedi masters with his bare hands: [gets lectured on various government structures by a tiny girl that's missing several teeth and needs to sit on books to see the table properly]

Ahsoka was raised in a religious meritocracy but developed all her opinions during a galactic war and then became a vigilante spy, Rex comes from a military cult, Leia is from an inherited monarchy that participates in democracy, Quinlan was originally from what appears to be a dynastic dictatorship, and IDK about Tholme other than that he is also from the religious meritocracy. And in legends Quinlan came to the religious meritocracy after his aunt sacrificed his parents to a vampire cult and then forced him to experience the psychometric echoes of that. There's just. A lot going on.

Leia at least has knowledge about structure and admin in theory that isn't based in either the military or populations under 10k

Jango: I want to be your friend. Ahsoka: Sounds fake.

I am unfairly fond of "Rex destroys a conversation by bringing up his own horrifying childhood and calling it a cult"

"Why does Sokari call you 'Rex'ika'?" "Because she's older than me." "...can I--?" "No."

Nickname privileges are extended ONLY to Ahsoka and older clones. There are no more older clones, so it's just Ahsoka.

Me joking about Star Wars AUs: Would you like a crackship? Me writing actual Star Wars fic: My favorite character type is apparently “too traumatized to have a relationship” so this is at least 90% gen.

I had to pull a scene opening at one point because Ahsoka's skill with not getting shot is actually much less useful than Tholme's clearance levels.

Now I really want a team-up of Ahsoka, Rex, and Jango where they do have to get in a dogfight of the "she flies, we shoot" variety and Fett just has to scream because the speeder thing to catch Maul was one thing, but this....

Ahsoka, before TCW: I know all the traffic rules but I'm not that great at flying! Ahsoka, after TCW: I'm great at flying but if you let me behind the wheel we are absolutely getting arrested.

She went from "knows the rules but doesn't have the skills" to "has the skills but primarily in the form of not getting shot" which! Is delightful! "Bet I can get us through that alley--" "DO NOT"

Jango and Ahsoka are both just very "Is this friendship? Is this camaraderie? My heart's been fried on platonic love by so many murders that I'm not sure anymore." "I've lost a lot of friends. I kind of forgot how to make those."

I have no idea if "hasn't been closer than Alderaan except that one trip to Chandrila" is canon-compliant but ehhhhhhhh It feels plausible enough?

Belatedly realized that I could just explain my optimal Rex&Ahsoka dynamic as just... drift compatible. It's vague enough on the specifics while still digging into the meat of what they mean to each other and how they work together. The terminology is already in existence. I can just use it.

Romantic? Platonic? Familial? Doesn't matter! They're drift compatible.

They are important to each other and that is what matters

I really like the Leia&Quinlan thing. He's just like "This small child needs a friend that isn't super depressed," and decided he's going to be her friend. I keep trying to toss in "Quinlan volunteers to 'baby'sit." She's not much older and she has a Baby Brain, it works out

There's a running bet as to whether Leia will leave the Order the second she turns thirteen, or if she'll let Sokari "train" her for a few years first. And... that’s how I came up with Leia Antilles, Senator of Serenno.

They'll be bullshitting Ben as her new master to "finish out the padawanship" since they can't tell everyone she's really in her thirties and he's conveniently there and already knows everything and was half her master anyway. Like Ben was planning on taking on Luke, but Luke is "six" and even he can't swing that as old enough to be a Padawan, and it's not like Sokari will take more than a handful of years to justify knighthood, sooooooooo