#so even as an ancient 20+ i kinda overthink these things
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There's this weird recurring inferiority complex I have or whatever it is, don't know how to explain it... sometimes when I see the amazing depth other fans can delve into, I feel sort of... inadequate in the fandom? Like I don't really fit in. I made fun of more casual fans in the past for having a superficial view of the show and not really "getting" it, but then I feel like somebody else probably thinks of me the same way. Really stupid I know
#just reflection moment#i'll probably delete later#passing thoughts#i know it's a good thing that different fans delve into different things that they love and latch onto#but it's as if there was a superior grade of eene fan and i don't belong#my ideas aren't the “correct” ones#i don't why my mind gets hung up on silly things like this#i think this is all because i've never been in any fandom as seriously as this one#so even as an ancient 20+ i kinda overthink these things#thankfully i forget about it afterwards
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SURPRISINGLY not about gunter. or fates. somehow this blog became 'fire emblem blorbo blog: speedwing* boogaloo' :P (*for those of you who are not like, ancient, "speedwing' used to be my old tellius-based sideblog.)
anyway
(very very very self indulgent ramblin / workshopping about future FE projects ahead)
next year's FE9's 20th anniversary and i am dead set on doing a zihark doujin for it. i got halfway through with one with tons of drawings that are still badass, lord knows that my fondness for him eclipses everything else i've ever drawn, i feel like i can finally do him justice, etc. this is The Moment tween krad has been waiting for all her life.
thing is i've been quietly debating to myself for a year or so if i want to do a strictly canon based doujin or one with selfshipper Stuff.
see, i thought i was going for more of a fanservice angle to sidestep that a little (still totally sliding that in whenever possible) but my brain unfortunately needs like a Modicum of Characterization :D; (as i am finding out with this gunter doujin). i need little plot hanger hooks even if it's gag strips or one off doodles.
and. i like. okay.
quick pros/con of canon-based doujin: wider audience, i don't have certian hangups over it
quick pros/cons of selfshipper doujin: it would probably heal certian parts of my soul if i wasn't being so chickenshit about it. it'd still be pretty? but it'd be harder to draw. i don't know if it would have a meaning to other than literally one (1) alive person and at some point i do have to kinda weigh the 'is the time sink worth it'
anyway
there's, very literally 20 years of inside jokes and shit with the selfshipper thing. i cannot stress to you zi literally got me to start drawing seriously. i don't know why i'm saying this other than 'this verse might be a bit self referential and i don't know if people would Get It compared to just canon (which i 10000% love on its own rights, it's not like i'm secretly dying to just do the selfshipper thing - ideally i would do a doujin of both because just what's in the games proper is so, so cool. he's such a weirdo. :D and tellius is the kind of cast i could stick him with literally anyone and wrangle up a cool scene.
- but. but?
the obvious answer is (do a doujin with both krad, like duh, people are gonna love the pretty pix no matter what ur overthinking it) but it just feels weird...? mixing the streams, if only in a pure technical/storytelling sense, and even above Personal Stuff i want to respect this on a pure craft level. ( i 100% love and go feral over the current wave of the selfshipper revival and would protect them with my life but with me it still feels inexplicably private and... i'm of elder internet, man. for me it still feels ... like it did in the 00's. very fringe-y vulnerable, you know? if you were there you know. idk. i'm still working through some of that.
feelings, god i hate feelings. just give me gorgeous dudes to draw to shut my brain up :D;;; )
#high chance of me deleting this in the morning but i appreciate anyone who read it anyway#shit's what tumblr's for lol
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20 Questions Tag Game – Writers Edition
I was tagged by my friend @kennaxval. Thanks, Michael!
1. When/what age did you start writing?
I must have been 12 at the time. My family was in a bad place then, and some days I just wanted to run away because it seemed anywhere would be better than there. I remember my first story was about a girl in a village in China, who is the only one who can speak and read an ancient secret language, the knowledge of which she uses to get out of her situation and make a better life for herself.
2. What inspired you to start writing?
Writing was escapism for me. I wanted a better life, so I wrote it. Then it became about the characters. I was kind of a compulsive liar as a child (making up tall tales to make my family seem better off than we actually were), and my Mom encouraged me to channel that into storytelling.
3. Where and when does inspiration usually strike you?
When I’m lying in bed at night. Inconvenient timing, but it leads to some good results.
4. Where and when do you usually write? Morning? Late at night? On the bus? In bed?
I prefer to write at home on my phone or computer. I usually set aside time for writing (starting time at least), so that I can be done with all my chores and studying for the day beforehand.
5. Do you listen to music while writing? If so, what genre/playlist?
I turn off the music while I am actually writing, but music is often what inspires ideas for my stories. I wrote my first novel (unpublished, boo) based on an idea I got while listening to a Beyonce song. I tend to listen to pre-90s music though mostly.
6. Which category do you like best? Angst? Fluff? NSFW? Other?
For writing, I prefer romance with a dash of humour and smut. I will NOT read angst, since it affects me a lot if it’s well-written. That being said, things can get pretty dark in my non-Choices fics.
7. Which category do you find most challenging to write?
Anything that involves prior research of a technical nature. Like history and stuff. It affects my writing flow and consumes time.
8. If you had to pick your favourite Choices book, which one would it be and why?
The Crown and the Flame, because I could play it without having to shell out big bucks for important choices. And it had the most amazing cast. Liam did steal my heart but I didn’t like the writing of TRR much, or how mean and backstabbing some characters could be.
9. If your Choices LIs were real, which one (and only one) would you personally want to be with?
Liam, hands down, no question about it. I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love him. He is everything I have ever wanted in the person I love. I am more cynical towards life, but I appreciate people who are kind and open about their feelings. Envy them too kinda.
10. Do you share any physical characteristics with your Choices MCs? Pics/Selfies optional.
Nope haha. But this what Liam and I would look like together. xD
Yeah, my Mum had a good laugh at it too. xD
11. Which MC do you share the most personality traits with?
I honestly don’t know. Which MC has the highest levels of stress, overthinks and overworks herself to near death?
12. Which Choices character do you feel you have the best grasp of in terms of personality?
Again, Liam, I think. I hate it when characters are written absurdly OOC, so I make sure to never let that happen in my own fics. With Liam, I make even more of an effort for that because I love him so.
13. What’s your favourite Choices pairing to write for?
Liam x MC. More like Liam and self-insert me But I also really enjoyed writing Kenna x Raydan, Hayden x MC and Kate x MC.
14. What is a pairing(s) you hope to start writing for?
Prince Hamid x MC. I will mostly likely never get around to it, but I hope.
15. What do you hope to improve in your writing?
My writing is often character and dialogue oriented, because I don’t like writing the description much. Setting the scene or incorporating how the environment in that scene affects the characters is something I should make more of an effort at.
16. Any pet peeves related to writing?
So many. But in this fandom, the angst-y love triangles. It’s not my thing. Also, the overuse of adverbs. Like Stephen King said, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs”.
17. Are you inspired by any IRL experiences when you write? Care to share?
Not often, to be honest. But it happens without me knowing about it sometimes. Recently I have been extremely stressed, and when I made time for writing, I ended up writing a smut fic featuring Liam where he helps the other character relax. Wishful thinking, really.
18. Is there any particular piece of work you consider to be your ultimate writing goal? Something so amazing you hope one day you’ll be up to that’s standard?
For me, the highest standard of writing was set by Daphne Du Maurier in Rebecca. I know I am never going to be able to write THAT well, but that’s the kind of writing I want to undertake. Every word, every phrase speaks to the reader, and pulls them deeper into the story.
19. Did/do you write for any other fandoms? If so which ones?
I started writing fanfiction for City Hunter and other anime like Hayate the Combat Butler, SKET Dance, Beelzebub etc. I have also written for the Mentalist, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Criminal Minds etc. I would love to write for the Lovestruck fandom some day but LS writers do such a great job, I wouldn’t change anything canon.
20. In your spare time (when you’re not writing) what other hobbies do you pursue?
Spare time is a pipe dream to me these days. But I really enjoy reading. And book shopping. Or amusement park rides. Oh, the beach! That’s nice too.
@zaffrenotes, @hopefulmoonobject, @never-ending-choices, @bowful, @angelicfangirl, @debramcg1106 – tag, you’re it.
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Do you know anybody who is ambidextrous? A kid I went to middle school with. It's weird what memories stick with you for no reason. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Mhm What’s the weather been like today? It's the first reasonable day in what feels like forever. It was only in the 60s this morning on my walk to work and what a glorious walk that was! What was the last exam you sat for? Couldn't even tell ya Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? Jess's in a few months!! And then mine next year :)
Do you currently have any unread text messages, and who from? Nope Speaking of text messages, what colour is your cell phone? Rose gold Do you live anywhere near the woods? Kinda Would you ever consider a career in the tourism industry? It doesn't really seem for me When was the last time you used q-tips? A week or two ago How does your hair react to humid weather or rain? It gets a little frizzy but it's not too bad What’s your favourite flavour of iced tea? Lemon Do you understand music theory? Not even a little
How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 6 or 7ish? Are you expected to act professionally at your job? Define "professional"? I have to be cordial and professional with patients, sure. But I'm friendly and casual with my coworkers. Infomercials: entertaining or stupid? Entertaining and calming! I love throwing on home shopping channels to soothe myself What’s your favourite brand of energy drink? I don't drink them. That would be a NIGHTMARE for my anxiety. Do you have (or have you ever had) acne? I actually have a fucking planet-sized zit on my eyebrow right now. I never struggled with acne as a teen but my 20s have been a different story Why did you click to take this survey? I usually peep the length of a survey to see if it's worth my time. Short surveys annoy me for some reason. If you have glasses, have you ever smashed them? Smashed, no. Broken, yes. How do you get new music? Buy or download or what? Spotify Have you ever sent someone an abusive text message? Whaaaa? Do you require a lot of time to do things or are you quick? Oh I need lots and lots of time. More than the average person for most tasks, I'd say. What will be the next concert you attend? Luke Combs, who I don't even know. But I was invited, it's cheap, and I love live music so Turn the nearest television on, what’s on? I don't have a TV here How often do you “wake up on the wrong side of the bed”? Most days. I'm very bad at waking up and snapping myself into reality. Can you rap? L O L. Just look at me What do you usually order when you’re at McDonald’s? Grilled cheese if they'll serve me it, or an egg & cheese breakfast sandwich. Are there any textbooks near where you are right now? Maybe some medical textbooks upstairs What’s the time? 9:28 How’s your body temperature right now? I'm comfortable. I'm wearing a sweater but also have my desk fan blowing on me which seems unnecessary but, lol Do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit? Fahrenheit. Though I believe America really needs to make the damn switch. What was the last thing you got a really good deal on? A few things from Wegmans Have you ever studied any ancient societies? In school, yeah. Do you like to wear long, dangling earrings? I don't wear earrings at all What was the last reason you took medicine? ANXIETY Do you exercise regularly? I'm trying to make it more of a habit What is your coffee of choice? (flat white, cappuccino, etc.) Just plain brewed coffee. But I like an iced latte for fun now and then. Do you pay any attention to your country’s politics? It's kind of impossible not to Are you feeling worried about anything right now? I mean, I live in a permanent state of worry Are you a gossipy type of person? As much as I want to act like I'm not, I totally am When will your next meal be, and do you know what it will consist of? Lunch when I get home from work. No clue what I'll have though. It's slim pickings in our kitchen... What’s your opinion on your in-laws, if you have any? I'm very, very blessed to have the in-laws I do. They've been nothing but welcoming, supportive, and affectionate from the beginning. I truly feel like I gained a second family. Have you seen your best friend today? Glenn, yes. What can you smell right now? The coffee I'm drinking Any important birthdays coming up? Glenn's on Saturday! Then my goddaughter's the day after. Then Kathleen's & mine the following week. July is a busy month for birthday ha. Fireworks: yay or nay? I like how they look but the sound (and sensation) scares me Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? I work 'till 12 and then the rest of my day is wide open. Maybe I'll do some reading. How about tomorrow? Any plans? I have some returns to make at the store and I have to stop at my parents' house. But beyond that... whole lot of nothing. Do you know how to do your own laundry or does someone else do it? I do my own If you could eat or drink anything right now, what would it be? A piece of pizza would be dope right now. But when DON'T I want pizza?
What colour are your headphones? Blue Think of the last long car trip you had, where did you go? I haven't been in the car for longer than 40ish minutes in a long time
Do you have a Twitter account that you use regularly? Yep Have you ever seen a horseshoe crab? They’re scary, right?! I haven't but I'd probably think it's cool Are there any new movies that you’d really like to see? Not really. I'm not a movie person If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Piano Do you overthink a lot of things? Please
Is there anybody you miss but can’t see again? Nora When was the last time you had a hangover? Couple days ago. The hangxiety was BAD
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92 statements tag
uh hi i got tagged by @javajaeyoon (hi hi hi ive never talked to you but can we be friends?)
THE LAST:
1. Drink:
Water (wow im boring)
2. Phonecall:
Dad
3. Text message:
<3
4. Song you listened to:
Shine Forever- Monsta X
(it’s good listen to it plz they need their first win)
5. Time you cried: yesterday night 6. Dated someone twice: um. nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: like death?? if not death tho um a few months ago i guess 10. Been depressed: i dont have depression but like just feeling down? like 2 days ago 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no (don’t drink)
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12-14:
blue, silver/gray, purple
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends:
yes so so many
16. Fallen out of love:
whats love im sry
17. Laughed until you cried:
so many times (a lot when i got too stressed tho)
18. Found out someone was talking about you:
definitely
19. Met someone who changed you:
doesn’t like everyone change you tho?? but yeah
20. Found out who your friends are:
im on my wayy
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:
um facebook what is that ancient thing
GENERAL:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:
um none ( facebook is not a Thing for me)
23. Do you have any pets:
yesyesyes guinea piggy
24. Do you want to change your name: when i was little a little bit but i like it now
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: studying for midterms and eating cake and cooking ramen with my friends 26. What time did you wake up: 7:00 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: thinking up prompts for mx and sf9 and streaming Shine Forever (plz help) 28. Name something you can’t wait for: when i get to see my friends again! and when SF9 and Monsta X get their first wins! and when i have more than 3 friends on tumblr lmao 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: this morning 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: being stressed and overthinking (also how smart i come off as) 31. What are you listening [to] right now: shine forever 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes. was he cute? idk man 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: when people aren’t direct 34. Most visited Website: tumblr and youtube and gmail and google docs 35. Elementary: done 36. High School: working on it 37. College: not there yet 38. Haircolor: “black” (brown, very light hair for an asian girl tho) 39. Long or short hair: mediumish its getting longer as i type tho. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: um not atm (there is a cellist i know who is...afjrngeo tho {guys cellists are the cutest always go for the cellists} 41. What do you like about yourself: my random energy (im very very similar to sf9′s inseong with a lot of kihyun thrown in) 42. Piercings: nah but i want like 6 ear piercings tho 43. Bloodtype: idk maybe A? 44. Nickname: Smiley. or chicken. 45. Relationship status: single. very single. 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: um. probably Knowing Bros (is that the right english god i hate translating) 49. Tattoos: none
50. Right or left: right 51. Surgery: nope nope nope 52. Piercing: already answered 53. Sport: various sports like volleyball and football and skating and frisbee (im not athletic tho sue me) 55. Vacation: what?? im confused. korea + japan + canada 56. Pair of trainers: nike nike nike (+converse)
MORE GENERAL:
57. Eating:
<3
58. Drinking:
green tea is good. so is black tea. and iced tea. and lemonade. so is starbucks (call me basic idc but i like starbucks the door is there if u dont)
59. I’m about to:
finish this tag, continue betaing, write something, fall asleep
61. Waiting for:
my life to appear
62. Want:
to be a better person
63. Get married:
definitely want to but i need a bf first?
64. Career:
something
practical: researcher, biochem, chemical engineering, mechanical engineer.
less practical: videographer, commercial director, cameraperson, video editing
practicality whats that and is money something you eat?: composer/arranger/producer, director, actor, photographer
WHICH IS BETTER
65. Hugs or kisses:
hugshugshugs i live for human contact im super clingy
66. Lips or eyes:
eyes. all the way.
67. Shorter or taller:
taller
68. Older or younger:
older
70. Nice arms or nice stomach:
um arms plz i guess?
71. Sensitive or loud:
can it be both? i need two sides to a person (im both, btw)
72. Hook up or relationship
relationship all the way.
[im not completely sure if im just demisexual or ace but im definitely not aro]
73. Troublemaker or hesitant
a mix of both is cutee. (im a ‘goody-two-shoes’ that has a tendency to um... ‘bend’ rules)
HAVE YOU EVER:
74. Kissed a stranger:
nope. never will (i hope)
75. Drank hard liquor
nah.
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses:
dont have ‘em but if i did i’d lose them once a day minimum.
77. Turned someone down:
yes. they were creepy. creepy is a nO.
78. Sex in the first date
nope nope nope nope.
79. Broken someones heart:
probably not .
80. Had your heart broken
nah (only kinda hurt)
81. Been arrested:
no
82. Cried when someone died:
yeah (a pet)
83. Fallen for a friend:
i mean...no
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. Yourself:
i don’t really have faith in myself but like apparently it looks like i do cause i seem confident??
85. Miracles:
yup
86. Love at first sight:
ugh yes but no.
87. Santa Claus:
kiiinda (fite me)
88. Kiss [on] the first date:
if im feeling it.:/
89. Angels:
heh
OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: /privacy/ is a thing. so. um.
91. Eyecolor: brown dark brown the same color as my hair. 92. Favorite movie: anything from studio ghibli, really.
(Tag 20 People) ahahha yeah right do i even know 20 ppl?
i tag (u dont have to do it, also if u already did it ignore me): @impy96, @dearesthoney, @99hwis [im not gonna tag ppl i havent messaged bye]
<3
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