#so enjoy!!! or dont; either way i’m putting it here cus this is my house babeyyy

[raddest-laddest]

so i’m either gonna go die in a car crash or get skin cancer, but either way, i can’t go without sharing the sona playlist

the organization is cursed, but strangely fitting for what it’s about

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[suggy-maynard01-blog]

When I Needed You The Most, Where Were You?

~mentions of panick attacks. May be triggering. Sorry if it’s not wrote properly, I’ve gone of my own personal experiences. I’ve never had a proper panic attack but I’ve had mini ones. Enjoy~

We arrived in LA yesterday, I’m so excited. were going out clubbing tonight seen as we have just arrived last night. All the boys know about me and Jack so im glad we dont have to hide anything tonight. We’re all heading out now and I’m excited, as you can tell.

~2:30 in the morning~

We have been at the club for ages. Me, josh, Oli, Mikey and Conor are all sat at a booth. Caspar is with some girls and I don’t know where Jack is. We all decide it’s time to go home so I go and tell Caspar and he insists on coming with us back home. None of the boys went home with a girl, what’s happening there? They all said either their not feeling like it, don’t want to or not in the mood but usually at least one of us pulls.

I ring jack repeatedly asking him where he is cus we’re leaving but he doesn’t answer, not once so I decided to leave a text and just go home. Maybe he’s asleep at home already? Maybe.

When we arrived home, I immediately looked around the house in search for Jack but he was no where to be seen. I started crying, thinking of the worst. What if he’s with someone else? A boy or a girl? What if he’s been taken away? What if he’s injured? What if he’s dead? What if? What if? I slowly slid down the wall, tears coming quicker and quicker that I can’t control it.

"NO!” I manage to chock out between sobs

Joe? Joe buddy what’s up?” Oli asked, sounding very concerned

"Can’t. Breathe” I managed to say.

I was having a panic attack. No one apart from Zoe, Caspar and Jack know I get them, but it’s VERY irregular for me to get them. I only get them a couple times a year so they aren’t a big worry but Zoe and Jack are the only ones who can help me through it. When I get a panic attack, they’re very bad, which is why their so irregular.

"Do you want anything. Water?”

Jack” I sobbed. By this time all the boys were aware that I was having a panic attack.

-3rd person POV-

Josh and Mikey where staying back, giving joe space but also there if they were needed, Conor was trying to get hold of Jack, leaving him loads of missed calls and messages, Oli was trying to calm joe down and Caspar was trying to get ahold of Zoe.

"Joe, listen to me. Breathe in. And out. In. And out.” Oli told joe, trying to calm him down but it was not working. Joe felt as though the world was closing in on him, he could think straight, hear straight, he struggled breathing, he felt like he was dying.

"What the hell do you want Caspar, it’s like 5 in the morning here” Zoe asked Caspar

"It’s joe. He’s having a real bad panic attack” Caspar told joes sister, rushing because he was panicking

"Put me in loud speaker, make sure he only has 1 or two people near him and get him a cold glass of water” Zoe told Caspar and he did as he was told. Josh went to get the water, Oli moved out of his way and Caspar sat down next to joe with Zoe in speaker

"Joe” Zoe said firmly but softly “joe it’s me, your sister. Listen, whatever’s happened to cause this just listen to my voice and forget everything else okay?” Joe could only nod but Zoe carried on

"Joe, remember when your were 8 and me you and dad went shopping for the day. Do you remember when we ran off from dad in one of the first shops we went in, you jumped in the trolley and I was pushing you up and down the aisles until dad found us and dragged us out, but then we did the same in the next shop. Remember later on that day when I fell over when pushing you and you couldn’t stop laughing at me but then the trolley fell over with you still in it? Remember that day joe” Zoe told her younger brother

"Ye. And. And when dad found us both on the floor, he never let us go on our own anywhere again for years” joe said, slightly sniffling

"Thanks zo” joe said once he had calmed down

"Anything broseph. Want to talk about it?” Zoe asked

"It’s ok. I’ll tell you tomorrow when we’re both not tired. Night zozoebo. Thank you”

"It’s ok broseph. Night. Love you”

"Love you too sis" and with that they hung up

Sorry boys about that” joe told his friends

It’s ok buddy, I’m going to bed now. You going to be ok” josh asked

Ye. I’ll be fine. You all go to bed I just wanna relax for a bit” joe told them am off to bed they went.

~Conor’s POV~

After Joes bad panic attack, he told us we can all go to bed. I went to my room and called Jack one more time. This time he answered. I went outside, out of earshot to see what had gotten into Jack Phone conversation: “WHAT THE FUCK JACK WHERE ARE YOU!”

"Geez bro, I’m at this chicks house. She’s so hot and so good in bed like oh my word! I’ll be back tomorrow. Why u having ago at me?”

"Because your boyfriend over here had a very bad panick attack because he didn’t know what happened to you and no one knew what to do. All he wanted was you to help him but where were you? YOU WHERE CHEATING ON YOUR BOYFRIEND TO SOMEONE YOU PROBABLY WONT EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME TOMORROW. JACK WHAT THE FUCK HAS GOTTON INTO YOU!”

"Oh Ye. Forgot about Joe. Don’t tell him. I can’t loose the fame. TBH I don’t even like him, and she was well better than Joe” Jack slurred. What the actual fuck has gotten into my brother

"Come home right now and I promise I won’t tell Joe”

"Promise?

"Promise” promise are ment to be broken, right?

I’m coming now” Joe’s not going to be happy

See you soon bro” and with that I hung up. Jacks in deep shit as soon as he gets home.

~Joe’s POV(sorry for all of the POV changed)~ I heard someone coming downstairs so I turned around and my eyes met with Conor’s. I told him he can go to bed if he wants but he said he wants to make sure I’m ok. What a good friend, I though. After watching the news for a little bit, I heard the door go. Conor went to get it but I was not ready for what was about to happen ja=jack c=Conor j=joe

C:Jack, brother you home!

Ja:hey bro. Btw don’t tell joe where I was

J:tell me what

C:bye boys

Ja:CONOR!

J:thanks for making him come home Conor but I think this is between me and Jack

C: don’t worry I’m leaving anyway

Conor left the room and left me and Jack stood in the middle of the room

J: so are you going to tell me where you were?

Ja:omg I was with this girl and she was soo good. Better than that boy I pretend to be with for the fame. I don’t even like him

J:and what’s this persons name?

Ja:joe su- oh shit. Hey babe. How are you? Love you

J: YOU BITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU CHEATING MAN WHORE

Ja: ID GLADLY DO THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT. YOUR SO ANNOYING, THINKING YOUR BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, JUST CUS YOUR SISTERS ZOELLA. THATS THE ONLY REASON YOU BECAME FAMOUS. YOUR TOO SKINNY, TOO SMALL, YOUR HAIRS UGLY, YOUR JAWLINES NOT THAT GOOD. YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT! IM GLAD I CHEATED ON YOU. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU JOE"

And with that, jack was gone. He stormed off and slammed the door. I sunk to the floor and cried, cried and cried.

Caspar had recorded us talking/shouting so he sent it me and I put it in twitter with the description: “If you ever fall in love, make sure they aren’t a cheat 🙄😞😭 @jack_maynard”

And he replied with: “If you ever fall in love, make sure they aren’t a stuck up dickhead 🙄😞🖕🏻@joesugg”

Worst. Holliday. Every. And it’s only just begun.

[sanjipussyindulgence]

Bloody Ocean Waves: Chapter 1

My arms wrapped protectively around my legs as I curled into a tight ball, doing my best to disappear. The cold bathroom tiles chilled me to the bone. I didn’t feel well enough to get up and get dressed. My extreme lack of body fat wasn’t really helping either. Fuck I can’t remember the last I ate, though there’s a good reason for that…

Monsters don’t deserve to eat.

My stomach growled loudly which echoed throughout the large bathroom. Yeah thanks body really needed that reminder, not like I’m already fully aware of how hungry I am. How could I not be when it’s always so painful. Even if I wanted to eat, which I very clearly DON’T, there was nothing around for light-years. I left my only food source back on Earth.

I could always just ea-

I shook the thoughts from my head before they could finish. It’ll never come to that. I’d willingly launch myself into space to prevent that. Especially considering the mess I’m in right now. The thing with being one of the saviors of the entire known universe, you aren’t allowed to be weak. But I’m weak. So all I can really do is pretend I’m not. Just keep pretending until it’s true, right? I breathed heavily while my thoughts wandered to my family back on Earth.

They were all “monsters” like me. But they’re the best monsters in the whole wide galaxy. None of us had ever killed, we only fed on the already dead. Mostly suicide victims. Mama always taught us how to hide, we weren’t allowed to live without the constant fear of being found out. Papa was the “hunter” of our family, he was the only one with a job when I was growing up. He had to care and feed for a large family of seven ghouls. Big sis was never ashamed of being a monster like I was, she would always help dad with the “food”. When someone was having a bad day she’d even make us special treats. I never asked her how she made them, I didn’t want them ruined for me. Her name never seemed to match her. Lola meant “sorrows” yet she was anything but.

I never knew my big brother, he was caught before I was born. Mama didn’t like talking about him. Rosa or as I called her “Poco”, ‘cus I was the older twin, was never the same after she lost control for the first time. My bright and curious little sister was gone after she refused to eat for too long. She tended to keep to herself after what happened. Thankfully Mama stopped her before she could kill anyone but… Mama still has the scar. I’m afraid I’ll end up like her, not that I’d survive if I lost myself out here. Either the guys would kill me or I’d do it myself when I come too.

Last were the little twins Verita and Paz, or as I like to call them the little troublemakers. Despite being twins they looked nothing alike yet they were basically the personality-wise. You could never see one without the other. And when you saw neither of them it meant trouble was coming. Mom and Lola were forced to get jobs because of the now larger family. And since I was the eldest I practically raised them myself. Though Poco used to help before her accident. The twins are still too young to understand just what we are.

It’s pretty rare to find a family of ghouls nowadays. Our lifestyle is too dangerous to bring children into, when someone is born a ghoul they might have well been born dead. But I can’t bring myself to be mad at my parents for their choices. They wanted to be happy, they wanted to be human. I can understand the feeling. Anyone would prefer to be human instead of a human-eating monster. I just wish I had a choice to be something else.

I guess I got my wish. I was accepted into the Galaxy Garrison, the top military school for space exploration. I even got promoted to a fighter class pilot, even if it only because the top pilot dropped out. And god was I reminded of that everyday.

“Why can’t you be more like Keith, Lance?”

“Oh if only Keith hadn’t dropped out.”

“Why are you even here Lance.”

But I still tried every day while I was there. I wanted to be more than a ghoul, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be like my hero Shiro. But I never succeeded no matter how hard I tried. I guess monsters aren’t allowed to have dreams. But then I found a giant mechanical space lion with Keith, Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge. Then that lion chose me as her pilot and the five of us were sent far away from our planet.

We were thrust into a galaxy ruined by another kind of monster, The Galra. Purple space aliens that had spent the last 10,000 years ruling and expanding their empire. We met Allura and Coran, more aliens, that told us we had to pilot five ancient lions that combine into the legendary warrior “Voltron”. We were told we had to fight this war because no one else could and if we didn’t Earth would soon be conquered. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to everyone, they probably think I’m dead.

It seemed everyone sans me took to the whole “savior of the universe” thing. Shiro was an escaped prisoner of the Galra who wanted to make this universe free once gain, he was our super cool leader. Pidge’s family were taken prisoner by the Galra along with Shiro and she spends every moment she can looking for them. Keith aka Mr. Im-super-cool-and-dont-try-with-anything-but-still-succeed-because-im-so-PERFECT was meant for this life, a life of battle and bloodshed. Hunk took the longest to reach his full potential, I mean he’s still incredibly nervous and panicky about everything but after seeing what the Galra are really capable of he started to grow into the role.

Meanwhile, I’m just here starving. I’m not a good leader like Shiro, or a stupidly talented hacker like Pidge, or a super skilled fighter and pilot like Keith, or even a great chef and engineer like Hunk. I don’t have a “thing”. Well, my thing is being a bloodthirsty and murderous monster but I try to forget that. But I’m not allowed to show my ever growing weakness so I cover it up with bad flirting and even worse puns and jokes. I’m the weak link already, I can’t let myself be even weaker by showing just how unstable I really am.

Not that anyone seems to notice, no one thinks anythings wrong with “jokester” Lance. Guess I should be happy no one knows about how fucked I really am. Wonder if that’s because I’m such a good actor or because no one cares to look deeper. I’d guess on the latter. Even Hunk and Coran who like me only like the front I put. They’d all be either terrified or murderous towards me if they knew I’m a ghoul. Ghouls don’t really have to best reputation with good reason. After all, we are superhuman, human-looking, and human eating monsters.

I raised my head from my knees. Guess I’ve sulked here long enough, not that anyone would really notice my lack of presence. I picked myself off the ground and walked over to where I left my clothes before taking my shower. That happened to be in front of a mirror. I looked at my reflection, our malnourished bodies that really showed how long it had been since we’ve had a meal, our still damp hair that hung over our borderline skeletal face, and just how human we looked. For the first time in awhile I let my kagune out. Bright blue pupils quickly changed to a deep red with a black background that leaked red veins onto my face. Funny how I can barely see the ones on my eyebags, guess I haven’t been sleeping enough lately either. A brightly colored “tail” sprung from my tailbone. It was made up of countless shades of blue that collided and bled into each other before ending into a white seafoam-like color at the tip. This “tail” was of course my kagune, a special organ that only ghouls have that can manifest outside the body. It kind of looks like when an ocean wave hits a rock that sprays seawater everywhere. The coloring and shape were the same. I’ve always loved the ocean. I used to think my kagune was beautiful when I was young and naive. Now it’s just a reminder of the monster I really am.

I relished in my monstrous appearance for a few minutes before tucking it away. I can’t afford to be found out. No matter how much it hurts to keep it hidden for so long.

Monsters aren’t allowed comfort.

I quickly got dressed before leaving my bathroom and into my room. Though it wasn’t really my room since I left that back home. This room was missing the glow in the dark stars glued to the ceiling and walls, the posters of various shows, the waterbed my mom finally let me get after years of begging, my surfboard I’d always hang over that same bed, but most importantly it was missing the sounds of a family of seven living together in a small house. Poco and I used to share that room before her accident, after that she always just slept on the couch. I guess she wasn’t comfortable sleeping next to someone.

I left my room and stalked down the long and empty halls that made up the ship. Most of this place was empty and abandoned with only me exploring the many rooms scattered throughout the castle-ship. I guess the others had better things to do. Either way, I love finding new secret rooms that I can use for whatever I want. Sometimes if I just forgot about everything and watched the colorful galaxies swirling into each other while bright stars twinkled all around me, I enjoyed myself. I love space I mean I wanted to be an astronaut, of course, I love space. I guess it’s not the worse place to die in hindsight, just wish I said goodbye to everyone. Man, I’m pretty damn depressive today. Well enough moping I’ve got a galaxy to defend and a space princess to save.

On our last mission Princess Allura was captured by the Galra and was taken to their home base by the order of Zarkon, leader of the Galra. Our ship was currently traveling by wormhole to get there after all of us, sans Keith the dick, decided to rescue her. While we were indeed traveling pretty fast to her location The Galra were still about an hour and a half away from us. When we first entered the wormhole Shiro ordered us all to get prepared for the upcoming battle. I went to take a shower and ended up moping for a lot longer than the healthy amount but whatever it’s totally fine~

The ship’s intercoms sparked alive.

“Paladins we are nearing The Galra’s home base, get to your Lions!” Coran’s voice echoed throughout the empty hallways. I quickened my pace to Blue.

Once I reached her hanger she sprung to life shield going down and eyes brightening up. She switched from her sitting position to rest her head on her paws with her rear high in the air with a grace that shouldn’t be possible from a giant robot. She looked like a dog. I rested my hand on her snout and I felt her purr resonate throughout my mind. Guess she could tell I’ve been having a shitty day. She’s so beautiful and wonderful and caring I love her so much how can a mechanical lion be this adorable. Not wanting to waste any more time I quickly hopped into her cockpit and took control of her movements. I switched the intercom in my helmet on was met by an eerie quiet uncommon of our radio station. I guess everyone knew just how serious this was, after all, we might just lose a teammate today. Whether it was a Paladin or the Princess didn’t matter. This was without a doubt the most dangerous mission we’ve been on so far since we first became Paladins of Voltron two months ago.

“Blue Paladin ready for action!” I spoke into my helmet’s mic to alert the others I’ve made it to my lion. A cocky tone seeped into my voice. Hopefully acting like nothing was wrong could bring the mood up.

“Lance what took you so long?!” Keith, The Red Paladin, spoke first.

“Even Hunk got here before you.” Pidge, The Green Paladin, was next with a halfway serious halfway teasing comment.

“Hey! I’m not that bad...” Hunk, The Yellow Paladin and the human embodiment of everything good and pure in this universe spoke next.

“Guys focus! Lance’s here now and that’s all that matters.” Our very own Black Paladin Shiro was quick to defuse the situation in his typical leaderly manner.

“Paladins we’ll be exiting the wormhole in exactly thirty ticks!” Coran’s voice rang through our helmets. Ticks are like a second I think? Wow did I show up late.

“Everyone we only have one chance to get Allura and escape, the moment we leave the ship we form into Voltron and hit fast. Our only objective here is to save her and escape remember that. Don’t do anything reckless.”

“Fifteen ticks!”

“Is everyone ready?!” Shiro commanded.

“YEAH!” We all responded in unison.

As the seconds counted down all of us kept silent in anticipation. Ten seconds left. I could feel my nervousness bleeding into my mental connection with Blue, she was quick to send me her own feelings of an oddly mother-like calm. Five seconds left. I flexed my fingers around Blue’s controls and took a deep breath in. Three seconds left. I let it lose just as the ship exited it’s wormhole.

“NOW!” Shiro orderly loudly, we were all prepared.

All of our lions flew out of their hangers in perfect sync and out into the cold vacuum of space. The Galra base was right in front of us and it was huuuuuuge. The main battleship was easily the size of a moon or a small planet with numerous smaller battleships surrounding it. And surrounding that was this huge mechanical ring. It was a terrifying sight to see so many of those warships at once, it was difficult for Voltron to take down one of those things let alone thousands. This was no time to get distracted. As our lions flew in sync all of them starting changing shape. The red and green lions became arms, the blue and yellow lions became legs, and finally the black lion became the torso. As Blue’s cockpit shuttered and shook I could tell she was connecting with the other lions. Where five lions once were now stood a multicolored humanoid robot. This was Voltron, legendary defender of the universe. Voltron… wasn’t moving?!

“What’s happening?” I cried out.

“Something’s wrong with Black I can’t control her.” Shiro called out, it obvious that he was trying to keep the panic out of his voice. After all, if our leader doesn’t have a cool head then none of us do.

“Uh guys we got company!” Pidge shouted as the hundreds of Galra battleships unleashed their fighter drones while their heavy cannons started charging. Those cannons could level a city in one blast and we are currently a giant multicolored STATUE. I know I said I wasn’t gonna be super negative for the rest of today but we are so fucked right now.

“Shiro what’s wrong?” Keith asked in a mix of concern and panic.

“Black is rejecting me for some reason!” Just as he spoke Voltron split apart leaving five dazed lions and their equally dazed paladins. Wait no make that four dazed lions and five equally dazed paladins. The Black Lion ejected Shiro from her cockpit before flying full speed towards the Galra home base, to Zarkon. Shiro, like the truly badass leader he is, quickly regained his hold on the situation.

“Alright change of plans Pidge you help me get into that base to rescue Allura. Keith you keep Black from getting to Zarkon. Hunk, Lance it’s up to you two to keep the Galra distracted!”

He all nodded our agreement in sync. Or at least I think we all nodded I mean I nodded but I can’t really see the others but- whatever let’s just say we all nodded.

As I took off towards the nearest cluster of Galra fighter drones I saw Shiro getting into the Green Lion alongside Pidge who then switched her ion into stealth mode. Hunk followed me as quickly as he could in the admittedly slow Yellow Lion. No offense to Yellow though I know he’s a real sweetheart just like his paladin. I mean if anyone knows how much a sweetheart Hunk is it’s me I mean I’ve known him forever and he always bakes me stuff even though it tastes disgusting to me, being a ghoul and all, but I always eat it anyways and yeah I know that’s not healthy bu- OH SHIT LASERS.

I veered Blue sharply to the right to a sudden barrage of Galra laser fire. Right, I can’t get distracted right now this is serious, especially if I ramble when I’m nervous. Not allowed to ramble in battle. I turned this sudden right turn into a tailspin to move Blue towards a mass of drones. There were a lot of them, I’d say like thirty, but they’re all pretty close together. So ice beam it is then. I swiftly charged up Blue’s ice beam and it struck the drone fleet dead on, I mean of course it hit dead on I’m the sharpshooter of Voltron. Even though I’m the only one that seems to think that- I’m getting off track again. About twenty of the fighters were rendered unusable from that blast and the remaining ten split off.

I aimed the regular beam towards three fighters that flew away together to make their own little group and fired. Blue’s laser beam hit one of them right through the cockpit causing it to crash into another ship, destroying both in a pretty cool looking explosion. That just leaves one left for me, assuming that Hunk takes care of the other five that flew off. It charged towards me guns a blazing. I gracefully avoided all the shots by rapidly dipping and spinning Blue around. Soon the fighter was up close enough to grab. I launched Blue at the drone and her massive jaws crushed the cockpit of the ship, she then threw the ruined fighter drone at another one that was closing in on us. The drones collided into each other began spiraling out of control, what a good kitty. I felt Blue’s affection come in mental waves at the compliment. I turned around and sped off towards Hunk who I saw had finished the five fighters that had split off and was now taking down a new cluster of drones.

The Yellow Lion was relatively short-ranged compared to his sisters but was perfect for close-range combat with its heavily armored body than could bash and bite better than any of the other lions. Hunk was perfectly aware of this fact and was taking down enemy after enemy. It was a super cool sight to see not that I should be watching instead of fighting. I was about to launch Blue into battle but something stopped me. I saw that a nearby Galra battleship had finished charging it’s heavy cannon.

“HUNK DUCK!”

But I knew that the Yellow Lion wouldn’t be fast enough to evade the blast and even if he was the most heavily armored none of us could take a laser like that head-on. Without a second thought I sped Blue right into the side of Yellow, knocking him and his paladins out of the blast range. I piloted Blue into a nosedive to escape the blast range but it was too late. Just as we were about to escape the cannon fired. Blue’s lower half was directly hit. Suddenly I was shot out of my chair in Blue’s cockpit and violently thrown about as Blue was knocked by the blast. Fortunately my hard ghoul skin and rapid healing factor kept me awake, or unfortunately since I was being smashed into every wall and panel in Blue’s cockpit repeatedly.

“LANCE!”

I was thrown against the right wall once again but Blue had stopped moving. The cockpit was completely dark, or it would have been to a regular human but hey night vision, as Blue’s power had cut out. That only ever happened when she was really injured. I hastily pulled myself over to the piloting and hissed in pain when I sat down. That’s totally a broken tailbone. My lungs pressed painfully against my ribs making it difficult to breathe, so a few broken ribs as well. Hopefully, none of them puncture a lung, a ghoul’s healing can only help so much. Blue’s cockpit flickered alive though the blue light was dimmer than it was before.

“Sorry beautiful.” I said softly as I grabbed hold of her controls.

“Lance are you okay??” Hunk sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack, better calm him down fast.

“Yeah I’m cool, both in health and personality.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. Now that Blue’s monitors were online again I could that Yellow was braced against Blue which is what stopped that roller coaster of pain earlier.

“Thanks for the save.”

“Are you sure you’re okay that blast looked really bad.” Ah Hunk, always the worried mom friend.

“Yeah yeah no I’m super it’s gonna take more than that to take out the great blue paladin of Voltron.” I get the feeling that Hunk didn’t believe me, he was always the one who could see through my act. Better change the subject before he presses more.

“Hunk I need you to take out as many cannons as you can, I’ll handle the drones for now.”

“But you’re injured!”

“Hunk please I’m fine but neither of us will be if the rest of the cannons start firing.” I pleaded with him.

“Alright...” He sounded concerned as he usually is but he took off to the nearest Galra battleship without further complaints. I trusted that he could handle himself.

I launched Blue at the nearest drone fighter and she easily tore into it. Another ten or so surrounded us as we finished off the first one. I fired her ice beam to my right and it froze two fighters solid while the rest scattered. I would have liked to chase after them but Blue’s pretty banged up, I don’t want her to get hurt anymore. I could feel her in the back of my mind reminding me that I’m also banged up. Instead of chasing after them I flew in the opposite direction and activated the long-term cannon, or as I like to call it the “sniper rifle”. Ahead of me, there were two drones heading for us. They swerved left and right rapidly to avoid being hit but that’s alright, patience is key for a sniper. I waited as they closed in on us. In their random swerving they had accidentally lined up, but it’ll only be for a second.

Now!

I shot a beam directly through the one in front that passed through its cockpit to blow the wing off of the one in the back. The fighter drone in the front exploded and the other veered off coarse before crashing into the body of a nearby battleship. I allowed myself a small whoop of joy. Now I don’t mean to toot my horn but- okay no I am totally tooting my own horn that was awesome. Man I wonder if anyone else saw that.

“Paladins I have been safely returned to the castle and am now preparing for a wormhole jump, everyone returns to the ship!” Allura’s angelic voice rang throughout our radio channel, looks like Shiro and Pidge got her out without much problem. Thank god she’s safe now.

“Looks like we’re heading back babe” I said softly to Blue. I was just about to turn around and fly back to the ship but the action was short by a sudden scream in my ear. It was Keith’s voice.

“KEITH!” I heard the others scream.

Looking to my left I could see The Red Lion getting its mechanical ass kicked by- ZARKON?! Apparently when Keith hears “Protect the Black Lion from Zarkon” he translates that to “Go get your ass kicked by Zarkon”. What a modern Einstein we’ve got here. Well looks like I’m gonna have to step up as the hero here, out of my duty as a Paladin of Voltron not because I care about him. I had Blue launch herself at the two figures at top speed.

The funny thing about Keith’s battle against Zarkon was Keith was piloting a giant space lion while Zarkon was piloting nothing, he was winning without even a spaceship. Oh man why am I getting into this I’m gonna die. Oh well, might as well go down swinging I guess. Maybe I’ll get a sweet Viking funeral or like a really cool tombstone that’s got my face carved into it so even in death people can appreciate my beautiful face. That’d be pretty sweet. I’m rambling again oh man I’m totally gonna die.

Blue crashed right into Zarkon right before he could strike down Keith, who was currently sitting in the cockpit of a powered down Red Lion. Zarkon jumped back and out of Blue’s reach before he could be crushed but it gave me just enough time to grab Keith and get out of here. I had Blue pick up Red by her scruff, does she have a scruff I mean she is a cat but a scruff is just a bunch of flesh on the back of a cat’s neck and robots don’t really have flesh ya know? Whatever I picked Red up and I started my very heroic escape. I heard Zarkon scream in anger behind me and it was pretty damn terrifying, not that the heroic Blue Paladin of Voltron was easily frightened.

“Haggar don’t let anymore escape!” He hissed. I’m pretty sure Haggar was that druid lady that hung around inside their ship. Looks like the others had made it to the ship though considering how pissed he sounded. But how is he expecting some hag inside their ship to do to us? Honestly kind of stupid- what the hell is that.

Behind me I saw what I could only describe as something ripped straight from a fantasy game. A beam of purple lightning was coming from the castle and headed right towards Keith and I. It didn’t look like one of the ship’s weapons, it looked like magic. And I knew what a Galra druid’s magic could do to someone.

“Lance dodge!” Oh looks like Keith finally came to good work there champ totally didn’t know I had to avoid the magical death beam.

I couldn’t move Blue away quick enough, not while carrying Red as well. The beam hit both lions dead on. Words cannot describe the pain that rocked my entire body. It felt like someone with cold, sharp, and wrong hands were ripping me apart and putting me back together. I could feel those hands everywhere. I could feel them stroking my kagune even if it wasn’t out. Each stroke felt wronger and more painful. It was like very secret I’ve hidden was torn right out of my body. Oh god, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head. I heard someone screaming, I wonder if it was me or Keith.

Then suddenly the pain was replaced with an extreme lack of breath. All the air had been knocked out of my body and all of my limbs felt heavier than should be possible. I collapsed back in my chair while trying suck in a breath of air. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin everything was wrong. Whatever that witch did she knew what I was now. I could still feel her gripping my tail and pulling as hard as she could. I could feel her ripping open my eyelids and pressing her fingertips down into the sockets. Oh god I think I’m going into shock.

“Lance! Keith!” I heard Shiro yell as Black stood protectively over the collapsed Blue and Red Lions. I wearily pulled myself out of my stupor and gripped Blue’s controls just as she came back online. The moment she was awake she filled my mind with calming and concerned thoughts. I shook my head slightly and mumbled “’m f’ine” to both my team and to Blue. I could hear Keith groaning in the background, looks like he’s doing just as well as I am.

I stood Blue up just as Black picked up Red by her not-scruff and took off once Shiro was sure I could pilot Blue back to the ship. I followed behind as quickly as someone who might be in shock could, I don’t think Zarkon was following us. I hope he wasn’t I can barely keep my eyes-cold nails tracing the sides of my pupil- open. Before I even knew it all three of us were back in the castle and I could hear the rest of the team talking to each other but it sounded really mumbled to me. Surely I could take a quick nap now that we were back at the castle…

Wait, I hear them yelling at each other something’s wrong. I can’t sleep yet oh god what are they saying I can’t focus.

“-ormhole!”

“Corrupt-”

“Can’t stay toget-”

“PIDGE!”

“HUNK!!”

“LANCE NO!”

Huh? When did Blue leave her hanger, why are we outside? Why am I in a wormhole? Why’s Keith about to crash into me-