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sumire-bride · 3 years ago

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Sumire and shuus route (demo) maniac 7

Scene is inside the school entrance

Reiji- ah..! Sumire-san I finally found you,

Sumire- …hm…? Reiji-sama…? What is it… I need to go find Shuu-sama to bring him home…

Reiji- tch.. still hanging around that deadbeat? Honestly you baby him way to much

Haah.. whatever the case I need you to help me run some errands to the store I’d do it myself but I only have two hands and we need quite a bit after kanato’s sugar spree

Sumire- …store…? What is a store…? Is it a place…? A object…? A thing…?

Reiji- you really are hopeless.. must I explain every little thing to you? Honestly.. it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what it is all I need you to do is carry things for me understand?

Sumire- …Carry things….? If that is what you’d like me to do then… I shall do it…!

Reiji- I figured you’d say that, not that i was asking you, so come on the city isn’t to far from the school-

Sumire- …but I need to go find Shuu-sama… first.. he’s quite forgetful to get up and come home… So I need to go find him and bring him to a safe place…. Could you wait just a moment…

Reiji- uh.. bring him to safety? Are you joking?

Sumire- …I do not remember making this thing called a joke…. If you want I can make one…

Reiji- do you honestly think you need to carry him around? Honestly it just comes to show how pathetic you humans are, he’s a grown man he can get up if he wants to,

Sumire- …?… I am aware that he is grown but Shuu-sama tends to sleep on the floor… he could get hurt… like get trampled on…! Or worse… I do not want Shuu-sama to be in danger… so please just wait a moment….

Reiji- haven’t I said this just a minute ago? I don’t have time to wait around for stupid things such as that, you don’t need to mother the damm guy. It’s not like he didn’t get enough “motherly love” when we were children, he doesn’t need your attention nor your sympathy

So come along now like I said I don’t have all day to wait for you..-

*reiji takes sumires wrist in his hand*

Sumire- …ah….! Reiji-sama… please just wait a moment…! I promise I will not be long… it will only take a minute… reiji-sama…! Reiji-sama let go……!

Reiji- guh..!

*sumire pulls her arm back*

Sumire- …I said it will take a minute…. Please do not grab me like that… I will be right back….!

*sumire runs off*

Reiji- ah..! Wait just a moment..! Er..

She should be happy I’m even asking her.. haah.. I have no choice but to wait.. honestly this is such a waste of time..

*scene changes to rooftop*

Sumire- ..uh… ah..! (..there he is…! I had a feeling he would be here… and he’s sitting up…! Wonderful…!)

Shuu-sama…! Shuu-sama…!

Shuu- ah..? What do you want..

Sumire- …I am glad I found you…! I was worried you were on the floor dead…. that would not be good…

..please come home with me…. We have to hurry though… and I won’t be able to walk all the way with you because I need to do something…. So please make it home safely….

Shuu- hah? You came to me for something as stupid as that? You don’t need to baby me..

In whatever case.. what would you of all people would have to do?

Sumire- …well… reiji-sama asked me to go to this thing called a store… to grab these things called groceries…. But I wanted to make sure you were safe first…

Shuu- …

Your going to the store with that guy? You got weird taste to hang around that guy,

Sumire- …?.. but I never tasted reiji-sama… even if I did.. I think he would taste fine…

Shuu- heeh… lewd girl telling me about tasting another man..

Sumire- …?.. I am not lewd I am sumire…

Even so.. please get home safely… I will see you when we get home… okay Shuu-sama…-

*sumire begins to walk off*

Shuu- oi..

Sumire- ..hm…?

Shuu- I’ll come with you guys.. I need to grab something anyways as annoying as it is to go get..

Sumire- …really… amazing…! It makes me happy to know Shuu-sama is coming with us… come on… let’s go…

*sumire takes shuus hand*

Sumire- ..come on…

*scene changes to school entrance*

Reiji- ..ah.. finally you seemed to have taken your sweet time, you should feel happy I waited if I didn’t need another set of hands then I would left by now-

..you have that eyesore with you..

Sumire- ..mhm…! Shuu-sama said he wants to come with us to this place called.. “store”….

Shuu- don’t make such a big deal out of it..

Reiji- him? The deadbeat who does nothing but sleep all day..? Wants to go to the store? What did you give him to make him want to do that?

Sumire- …I didn’t give Shuu-sama anything at all… if I did then it could mean he could be in danger and… I do not want that…

Reiji- well you must have to make him want to do something for himself,

If I’m going to be completely honest, he might just be doing this because he’s actually feeling something other then sleep.. jealousy am I wrong?

Shuu- ..?.. I don’t understand what your saying nor do I care.. let’s just get this over with..

Reiji- if it means I don’t have to be around you as soon as possible then I suppose we should hurry..

You..

Sumire- …hm,.

Reiji- do try and keep up, I know you humans are quite slow

Sumire- …understood…

*scene changes to the city*

Sumire- … (…this is… a bit… well.. I’m not sure how to explain it but… Shuu-sama and reiji-sama’s aura… is.. unsettling to say the least.. They have been glaring at each other… and arguing… I’m not sure what to say…)

Shuu- just shut up.. it’s like all you ever do is nag at every little thing.. it’s a pain in my ass..

Reiji- hah? Well I’m sorry that I care about our reputation.. do you make no effort to make yourself look presentable? Your gonna ruin our name, it truly makes me wonder how your the oldest of the family..

Shuu- it’s called getting married and making a child dumbass.. it just so happened to be who’s the oldest..

Reiji- tch..

Shuu- ..mm…

Sumire- … (…this is fine.. I am fine with being between this scary aura…. I am fine… aha..)

Shuu- uh..

Reiji- my god are you that much of a klutz? I shouldn’t be surprised since you don’t do anything that you could even have the strength to pick things such as a book.. good grief

Shuu- I didn’t pick it up I bumped into the shelf making it fall.. seems like your glasses don’t do much for you to not catch that.. speaking of which do you even need those or are those just for show?

Reiji- why would I have them on if I didn’t need them you deadbeat

Shuu- whatever..

Reiji- tch..

Shuu- …

Sumire- … (…this is not fine… I am not fine with being between this scary aura… I not fine… Uu…)

..hm…? Ah…! What is this…

Reiji- hm..? What is what..?

Sumire- …this thing… it’s in a bag

Reiji- well it’s a bag of chips.. you don’t know what those are?

Sumire- …chips…? I have not heard of such a thing… is it food….?

Reiji- well I think that should be obvious we’re in a food section

Sumire- …wow… such a strange thing… food in a bag… how funny…

Reiji- ..?… haah.. come on.. read what we need off the list

Sumire- …hm…? Shuu-sama.. the list…

Shuu- ..zz…

Sumire- …Shuu-sama do not fall asleep standing… I don’t think that’s comfortable….

Reiji- oi..! Don’t fall asleep in the store you idiot…!

*smack*

Shuu- ah…! ..ow..

Tch.. no need to hit me you ass..

Reiji- well then don’t fall asleep in a store

Ahh.. I’m not to have to wash my hands with bleach now.. now give Sumire the list I don’t trust you with it

Shuu- it’s a list how can you not.. whatever.. oi you.. here..

*shuu passes Sumire the paper*

Shuu- ..uh…

Reiji- my god what now,

Shuu- Sumire.. she’s.. she’s gone..

Reiji- what do you mean she’s gone? How can she be gone she was here just a minute ago..-

She’s gone..

Shuu- ..wow… I didn’t realize.. it’s not like I didn’t say that just a second ago.. wait to go genius

Reiji- silence, go on go find her! I can’t have her go missing right now..

Shuu- ah? Why do I have to do it?

Reiji- because I have to watch the cart.. now hurry up! I don’t have all day

Shuu- ..haah.. I’m to tried for this shit..

*shuu walks off*

*scene changes to a different area in the store*

Shuu- ..what a pain.. where is she..?

..mm.. there you are..

Sumire- …..

Shuu- oi..

Sumire- ….

Shuu- ..tch… oi Rapunzel..!

Sumire- …hmm…? Ah…! Shuu-sama… hello…

Shuu- running off like that.. that guy forced me to go look for you.. you really are a pain in the ass to deal with..

Sumire- …oh.. forgive me… i saw these things…. I couldn’t help but look at them… there really pretty… what are they…?

Shuu- ..you stopped just to look at some jewellery? Guess you really are like every normal teenage girl..

Sumire- …this is jewellery…? I see… I haven’t seen any that look like this… there truly beautiful…

…I really like this one… it’s blue… it makes me think of Shuu-sama’s eyes…

Shuu- …?.. weirdo.. you always seem to like anything that looks like me.. it’s weird

Sumire- …why wouldn’t I… Shuu-sama is very amazing… I really like him…. So why wouldn’t I call in love with things that look like him… I truly love him…

Shuu- …

Love? You really are stupid

Sumire- …I know…

Shuu- whatever.. you can whatever you like.. just don’t blame me if you get hurt or.. killed

Sumire- ….if I have to die if it means to keep Shuu-sama happy then I will die…

Shuu- tch.. ..whatever… come on let’s go home…

*shuu grabs sumires forearm and pulls her up*

Sumire- …shouldn’t we go back to reiji-sama….? He could get hurt… I do not want him to…-

Shuu- if he gets hurt it’s not our issue.. plus I heard it’s gonna rain so I know your gonna freak out of you get your hair wet..

Sumire- ..rain… that thing that pours water from the sky…? Uwah….!! Come on Shuu-sama we have to hurry…!! I can’t have my hair getting ruined…! Come on come on….!!

Shuu- uh.. h-hey.. don’t pull on me so hard.. that hurts..

Oi.. are you even listening…?

*scene changes to inside the mansion*

Sumire- …phew… (..we made it back.. before that weird stuff came from the sky… goodness…)

*BAM*

Sumire- …!!..

Reiji- …haah.. haah… haah.. both of you… hah… so this is where you both were… you left me behind to carry everything.. took the list with you.. didn’t bother to let me know it was gonna rain.. so I walked home in the rain..

You guys are by far the worse people I’ve ever taken anywhere…!!

Sumire- ..uh.. (..reiji-sama does not seem pleased… I sense a dark energy from him… oh goodness..)

Shuu- well you should have been aware that it was gonna rain.. I thought you were a smart guy.. guess I was wrong..

Reiji- what was that?! Care to repeat!?

Shuu- ..gladly..

*they continue to bicker*

Sumire- … (…I’m not even sure what I feel anymore about these two arguing… oh goodness…)

—to be continued—

Maniac 6 — maniac 8

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levelrazearts · 6 years ago

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Just saw Bumblebee, oooooooh I have two main issues that I just can't get over but it was a great film nonetheless. The first one, without giving any spoilers, is how one of my favorite characters was treated and the other was the advertising of this movie, namely in whether or not this was a prequel to the original 5 films, or a reboot. And here's the kicker, it doesn't fully know. On one hand, it has homages to said 5 films, namely foreshadowing but homages nonetheless. On the other, it throws past continuity out the window in favor of a fresh look, be it with character design or just the story in general, and it honestly hurts the film without meaning to. In short I guess this is a reboot, but there are some loss threads that can classifie it as a prequel, just don't expect true answers. Another thing to mention is the cast of bots, with the majority only being cameos (bar one which I really dislike) the main cast consists of Bumblebee and Decepticons Shatter and Dropkick. I guess you can count Blitzwing if you want, buuuuut I wouldn't.

Characters

Bee is great, carries the fun personality of his G1 self with the skill of a decent warrior, design was great blend of G1 and Bayverse flavors but again leads to continuity confusion.

Shatter being the second triple-changer looks the part of one and is also scary. And scary smart. I wasn't sure of what she was going to do, which lead to my total shock to what she and her partner did end up doing to my fav.

Speaking of her partner, Dropkick being the third triple-changer for the big screen looks a bit less convincing, but that's mainly due to his chosen alt-modes. He was kinda funny, but not as scary as he could've been. Still don't like what they did.

John Cena, aka Cheif Burns (I think), typical government agent role but with a good sense of personality thanks to the actor. I liked him. He should be a wrestler some day.

Hailee Steinfeld (that's probably not how her name is spelled but what do I know of about spelling?) aka Charlie Watson, plays lead human and does a good job. Smart and brave but with family issues that feel kinda forced in, but not in a bad way. Think they could've worked on that part just a little bit more but still felt convincing.

Elmo (I think? i really don't know and am not gonna research him at this time), played by.....uuuuuuuuh.....I dom't know. But he did good, again pretty funny and kinda relatable. Cute romantic interest that ins't rushed as well.

Side characters, Blitzwing, looked like G1 Starscream. Not a triple-changer but heavily armed. Wish we got more personality from him.

The same kinda goes with Optimus Prime, whose once again shown to be very battle capable just like his bayverse-self. Looked like an Earth truck which was dumb considering they were on Cybertron. At least everyone else looked alien. Honestly not sure if Peter Cullen voiced him or not but he probably did.

Everyone else, they were good. And funny.

Cameos, there were a bunch.

Autobots

Ratchet, looked very G1, had a speaking role but that's all.

Ironhide, also looked heavily G1 but also like his portrayal in the War for Cybertron games which I liked. Lacked his arm cannons.

Arcee, looked G1, had a speaking role.

Wheeljack, very G1, speaking role and his ears lit up just like in the original cartoon.

Brawn, I think speaking role and he got shot? Also G1.

Screw it, everone was G1 and unoriginal.

Cliffjumper, had a lot of spekaing lines which I loved. And he was a red repaint of Bee with a different head. Loved that as well. Had a great representation overall. Wish I could see more of him. :c

Decepticons

Soundwave, same problem with Prime desing wise, doesn't make sense, sounds like G1 self, doesn't do much.

Ravage, adorable, cute, kitty. That's all you need.

Shockwave, I actually really like his desing, it looks the best out of all of them cause it's distinct enough from being a G1 rehash, but still evokes the likemess of the charactera. He had speaking lines and they were cold-like. 100% best one.

Seekers, there were a bunch of them. It kinda annoyed me due to lack of creativity but makes sense budget wise. Some were colored like Starscream, Skywarp, and Thundercracker but I think those versions died.

Earth cameos

Hoover Damm, fenominal acting, pronably thr best character in this film hands down. 10 out of 10, watch it form him.

So in short, I recommend watching it, but again don't expect it to make sense as a prequel.

#transformers #review #Bumblebee #inspired by the first five films #but now has nothing to do with them in almost every way

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invincible-selfxmade-punk · 6 years ago

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TV/Movie list 2018

Inspired by @winteredfall I have half way kept up with all the movies, documentaries and tv shows I watched last year. Check your list against mine. Did we match? Do we have the same tastes? Wanna be my watch budy?

*Will never watch again and avoid at all costs, so gross and/or triggering.

Atomic Blonde

Get Out (not your average horror movie, worth all the hype)

Split (terrifying. Why did McAvoy not get an Oscar for this?)

Filth(IT HAS MOANING MYRTLE!!!)

Before I Wake (very scary, no gore)

Thor Ragnarok

John Wick 2 (Didn’t think it was as good as the first. Hated the ending b/c if anyone deserves happy ever after it's Keanu)

Annabelle Creation (very good, as good as original)

Alien Covenant (scary as hell)

Personal Shopper (had to watch it 3 times to figure it out b/c I wasn't paying enough attention, but man, if you ever wanted to see a lot of Kirsten Stewart's boobs, this is the film for you)

Lair of the White Worm (Trippy and scary, reminded me of something from the sixties)

Funny People (maybe 12th time I’ve seen it)

Tin Cup(2nd time)

Videodrome (4th time)

Fantastic Mr. Fox (wonderful, best George Clooney movie)

The Belko Experiment (excellent)

The Fate of the Furious

Sylvia (excellent)

Independence Day Resurgence (could not get into)

The Pact (2nd time)

Wakefield (so good, almost no dialogue)

Friend Request (eh...not bad. It had a chubby main character so it gets mad props for that)

Cloverfield

Rebel in The Rye

Danny Collins

The Perfect Getaway(took 3 times watching to figure out what actually happened)

The Last Jedi

The Host

The Sting

ATM

Flatliners (remake)

Black Panther

Why Him?

Shut In

Jackals

Desperado (6th time? God, forgot how f'ing beautiful Antonio Banderas was)

Ghosts of Mars (zombies in space..but at least it has Ice Cube)

Before I Fall (AMAZING MOVIE)

Winter Passing (2nd time, Honestly I watched it just to hear Will Ferrell sing I Can't Tell You Why)

Suicide Squad (second time)

House of Sand and Fog (utterly traumatizing)*

Everything Must Go (second time)

Drugstore Cowboy (second time)

CoCo

Trancendence

The Accountant (of course the ending made me cry)*

Eric Clapton: A Life In 12 Bars (sad but excellent)

The History of The Eagles (2nd time)

American Made

Avengers Infinity War

The Collector (gross)*

The Whistleblower (violent and triggering)*

Nocturne (loved it)

Margin Call (third time)

Only The Brave (don't watch if you don't want to cry)*

Life (also known as don't play God and don't fuck with Mother Nature)

The Hollars (broke down sobbing about halfway through, but it was a good movie, just hit too many spots for someone who lost both their parents to terminal illness)

Passengers (the Anne Hathaway one)(What an ending. I cried SO hard)

Don't Sleep (good, strange twist at the end)

Jumanji Welcome to The Jungle (cute)

Welcome to the Jungle (Jean Claude Van Damme does not AGE)

Rupture (crappy)

Kingsmen: The Golden Circle

Batman Lego movie (cute)

BladeRunner 2048

London Town (stumbled on this gem, EPIC, OMG)

Baby Driver (believe the hype,really good)

Gerald's Game (good, not for the squeamish)

Mean Dreams (good)

Carrie (2002) (ok)

Edge of Seventeen

Three Billboards Outside....(excellent)

Nocturnal Animals (fucking strange)

The Hated

Open House

All I See Is You (seriously fucked up and ending leaves everything unanswered)

Jigsaw

Shape of Water

Phantom Thread

Tribes of Palos verdes (loved)

Game Night (great)

Lost in Translation

Red Sparrow

Heriditary

Mission Impossible: Fallout

The Nun (awful, omg want my $5.99 back)

Momentum Generation (3 times, loved it so much)

Always at the Carlyle

Korn's Brian Head Welch: Loud, Krazy Love

Ready Player One

All the Money in the World (not as good as the Trust miniseries)

New Wave: Dare to Be Different

Bi-Polar Rockn'Roller

Love Means Nothing (ugh freaking sad, made me want to punch the tv)

Kevin Smith: Silent but Deadly

Pulitzer at 100

Hellraiser Judgement (eh...._l)

TV SERIES

Kidding

Billions

Vida

Trust

I'm Dying Up Here

Mr. Mercedes

American Gods

Lucifer

Sharp Objects

SPN

Gotham

Flash

Arrow

Whatever WWE Brand has Jeff Hardy atm

#oldpunkbitch #life the universe & everything #movies 2018 #tv 2018 #documentaries 2018 #my list #watch list #reviews

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dark-twisted-desires-blog · 7 years ago

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First play

Well for the first time it got to play. It was quite fun and it really enjoyed it. it was tied up in a very exposed position and it must admit that it was a little scary to be so exposed. When Erin came in it was at a loss for words. She has done Her makeup, dressed in lingerie and tied Her hair up into a bun. She had an aura of dominance and it was so bloody hot it wasn't funny. She teased and taunted it until She finally shoved a dildo up it's vagina. God it felt so good and it swore it could see stars. The pleasure was so intense and having Erin doing it just made it ever better. it's body went to the verge of cumming so many times but for some reason it was like there was a mental block that prevented it from cumming. it has been thinking about it a lot and thinks it may have something to do with the fact that it has never had consentual sex before in its life. Every other time it felt no pleasure whatsoever. it wants to be able to cum because it feels like it is disappointing Master and Erin. it's the most frustrating thing ever because it feels sort of broken. it doesn't want it's past experiences to control it's life anymore. it knows it can so it but is not sure when.

Erin keeps teasing it all of the time so it is constantly turned on which can drive it insane at times. it's frustrating because She can make it's pussy drip with just a look. it's so embarrassing it's not funny.

Erin made it sit by the window while she played with herself last night. it didn't realise it was moaning so much and it's so embarrassing to think about. it's pussy was so wet without it even trying. She has so much power over it's body.....

She is also basically toilet training it now. it has to pee in front of Her and God damm it was hard the first time. it finally managed to get past that last night, only to find that Erin had found another way to make it hard. She started to touch it while it tried to pee which make it's body clamp up. it eventually managed to do it but it is still a struggle. it must admit this it's interesting to see the ways in which Erin finds ways to make it more uncomfortable.

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gazzhowie · 5 years ago

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My Top 25 Movies of 2019.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year.

This time for 2019.

Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc.

And no, despite several attempts, repeated proclamations on social media AND owning the bloody thing outright for the last 6 months, I still never got round to seeing Ash is The Purest White in time for my self-imposed deadline for this so if you’re here to see that lauded, I will dash your expectations now.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

In terms of comedies, I very much enjoyed The Breaker Upperers, The Favourite, Always Be My Maybe, Mega Time Squad, Good Boys, Brittany Runs a Marathon and – as ultimately disappointing as it turned out to be in comparison to the original – yes, Zombieland: Double Tap.

Dramas I really liked this year were The 12th Man, The Old Man And The Gun, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot, White Boy Rick, Stan & Ollie, Deadwood: The Movie, The Sister Brothers, the first two thirds of Feedback, Hotel Mumbai, The Mule, Shadow, Thunder Road, The Clovehitch Killer, The Nightingale, Destroyer, Vice and, as uncomfortable as it made me, Ray and Liz.

Documentaries I rated highly in 2019 included Leaving Neverland, Free Solo, The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley, Divide & Conquer: Roger Ailes and The Amazing Jonathan Documentary.

In terms of horror movies, rather controversially I seem to stand alone in saying I rather liked both Velvet Buzzsaw and The Dead Don’t Die. I also thoroughly enjoyed One Cut of the Dead, Happy Death Day 2 U and In Fabric, the last of which VERY nearly made the final Top 25 cut.

Action movies I was a fan of this year were both Triple Frontier and Triple Threat, The Quake (or The Wave 2: The Quake as it is inexplicably retitled in some countries), We Die Young which features a wordless and stellar Van Damme performance, Furie and Stuber.

On the blockbuster ‘stage’, I fully embraced the absolute utter insanity (or stupidity?) of The Wandering Earth, really liked Shazam! As well as Spiderman: Far From Home and Terminator: Dark Fate. Somewhat controversially, I also had a lot of fun with Jumanji: The Next Level, 6 Underground and Joker (a straight-up masterpiece that last movie most certainly is not!).

Finally, in terms of animation that I liked in 2019 I’d pay mention to How To Train Your Dragon 3, The Lego Movie 2 and Toy Story 4 – the last two being very likeable but totally unnecessary. And of course, Klaus which was a lovely, moving, visual joy that me and my family will return to a lot over the years.

Now… onto that Top 25:

25. BOOKSMART

I really loved this first time I saw it earlier this year. I found it very funny and thought the performances were delightful by the two main leads. I had issues with the clusterfuck that is the film's third act but not enough that I didn't hold a place for it in my Top 10 of the year for pretty much the last four months or so. Then I revisited it again recently and I’ve still got a huge amount of affection for it and there is still a large amount of it that makes me laugh out loud - but that third act REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

Asides from the clunky plot developments that exist purely to give the film conflict and some sort of narrative 'propulsion' it doesn't necessarily need AND on top of the fact that Billie Lourd's entire thing is embarrassing and awful (are we allowed to kind of lean in together and whisper yet that she can't act very well?), what really smarts is for a film that is meant to be this 'progressive' and female-centred, it leans in on the laziest and most horrible of high school comedy tropes - the horny teacher who beds the student! And like cliche dictates it is always a female teacher and male student because even a film as allegedly "progressive" as this is self-aware enough to know that if the sexes were reversed they couldn't / wouldn't get away with it.

In an age of #MeToo and #TimesUp the idea that a female filmmaker would go with this iffy fuckin cliche in her debut movie and have no problem at all leaves a horrible taste over the back end of an otherwise pretty great little film... But yeah, definitely still check out BOOKSMART. Its progressive, millennial bullshit stance is complete piffle. But its comedic set-pieces are a lot of fun.

24. IT: CHAPTER TWO

I don’t understand anyone who's coming away from IT CHAPTER 2 complaining there's a lack of scares. There's not a lack of scares at all. The problem is there scattered across a running time that is not structured well enough to accentuate them. There were some moments where I very nearly jumped out of my seat and left because of their effectiveness - the pay-off to Bev returning home as teased in the trailer? Fuuuuuuck THAT!

I think it is fair to criticise its flabbiness though… How the hell its director can talk about his intentions for a four hour cut of this pushed up alongside a three hour cut of the first chapter as some sort of hope for the future feels insane - FOUR hours? This thing is ten minutes shy of three and it feels excessive!

The lack of discipline in the editing bay is quite possibly the reward that comes from delivering a $700.4 million return on a $35 million budget the first time round. That lack of discipline doesn't make for a film as focused as it needs to be... Once you realise an hour in that the story structure is one in which each character is split off to revisit their past and then each character is then going to be given a 'teachable moment', you realise that you've essentially got to watch the same plot point be repeated SIX times round each time. And from a narrative perspective that's both annoying and exhausting, frankly.

Hand on heart though, it's a minor quibble overall because what is there is effective as hell and very entertaining. Think of it cinematically as too big a portion of a great frickin meal... It's a hypocritical complaint also because ultimately there is so much joy in watching these actors go at playing these characters (Bill Hader is an absolute marvel in this and Jessica Chastain lives up to the 'dream casting' suggestion the minute Sophia Ellis turned up in the first one!)

It may well be overlong by a good thirty minutes but it is still an incredibly scary, funny ride... just with a denouement that, once again, shows how hard it is to deliver the climactic goods when Stephen King has given you such utter excrement to work with.

23. THE GANGSTER, THE COP, THE DEVIL

I watched this and flat-out loved it - yet another reminder that you can spin the dial and pick a genre, any genre, and the reality is that South Korea are delivering the best efforts in it nowadays. This is a big, broad, bombastic slice of action pulp that has its cake as a thriller/procedural and eats it as a blockbustery burst of car chases and violent dust-ups.

The remake rights for this are with Stallone and that's a scary prospect really coz if there's one thing problematic about that guy is that he's not ~great~ with playing "evenly" (the stories that came off the CREED II production are terrifying!).

22. AT THE HEART OF GOLD

I watched this with my wife and the both of us just kept shooting aghast and pained looks at one another the longer it went on.

Forensic documentary studies like this are a big interest to me but this was a gruelling yet kind of inspiring watch because it did the right thing in putting the victims front and centre from the get go and throughout.

Child abuse is an abhorrent thing. Doubly so on a scale like this. BUT when you're watching the revelations that it was so commonly known to be going on and covered up to the extent and at the level it was? That is just... there's just no words!

Fantastic little documentary though. If you think you know the full facts on this, you don't! And if the last 4 years are any indication, our generation have found our own Errol Morris coz Erin Lee Carr is responsible for 4 of the best documentaries in that time with this, I LOVE YOU NOW DIE, THOUGHT CRIMES and MOMMY DEAD & DEAREST.

21. ABDUCTED IN PLAIN SIGHT

I find that once in a while there's a true crime documentary so flat-out, jaw-droppingly fuckin... out there, that most of its enjoyment isn't in how utterly astounding it is but mostly the fun you have in telling people the details of it and watching them incredulously go "Fuck the fuck off! This didn't happen? Surely not!"

I saw this in early January when no one was talking a single word about it here in the UK and I spent roughly three months banging on and on about it to anyone and everyone and, sure enough, everyone looked at me like I was mad and kept saying "Fuck the fuck off! This isn’t a real thing, surely??” Then it landed on Netflix and… everyone went bonkers!

It is a tight 90 minute uncomfortable, grim, totally incredulous jaw-dropper detailing what are two of the STUPIDEST parents and the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine. You've GOT to check this out because without this documentary no one would EVER believe the story of… ** SPOILERS here on out ** ... the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine, who moves his family into the house next to a husband and wife with three daughters, befriends them, tricks the dad into giving him handjobs, seduces the mum into heavy-petting sessions - all with the intent of lowering their defences so he can get access to their youngest 11 year old daughter... who he abducts, manipulates by pretending to be an alien into believing there's an alien invasion that can only be prevented by her having his baby and sneaks across to Mexico once she's 12 so he can marry her. Then he gets arrested by the FBI, brought back to America, uses his previous intimate dalliances with BOTH parents to blackmail them into dropping the charges, re-seduces the mother into a long-term sexual relationship, reabducts the young daughter, hides her in a boarding school, poses as a CIA agent and...

... and... and... not one single element of this is UNTRUE! What the FUCK, right?!?

20. MIDSOMMAR

There's issues to be had with this in the sense that at two and a half hours it is needlessly self-indulgent and from a storytelling point of view it suffers like many from that flaw of walking in the wake of THE WICKER MAN's story beats without finding much in the way of variation.

However, it is exceptionally well directed and the building of tension and concern (despite knowing exactly where it will inevitably go) is impressive. It basks in its weirdness and then seemingly delights in getting weirder... You can say you've heard this story before but you won't have SEEN it told with imagery quite like this. The whole shebang wouldn't work half as effectively if not for the performances and they really are great here. Florence Pugh is quite exceptional. She joins Toni Collette in what will clearly be Ari Aster's roster of "Tremendous Performances That Deserve Awards But Won't Get Them".

By the film's end you come to realise the film is leaning into THE WICKER MEN comparisons purposefully - to show us what that movie would look like today, in Trump's America: Obnoxious Americans pissing up against and fucking around with longstanding tradition and history.

19. Us

Ignore all of the bullshit 33,000+ deep dive 'think pieces' spewed out across the internet about this and just judge it for what it is: a great horror thrill-ride with some terrific jump scares etc. but it's not without its flaws. For one, it's too strong a film to get landed with that big and lazy an info-dump conclusion... especially one that kind of clunks against what's gone before - but then, as much as we're clearly not meant to call Jordan Peele out on anything it seems, he IS a vastly superior director then he is a writer if this effort is anything to go by.

Was it really, really requiring of those penetrative essays though on what it "really" means or what Peele's hidden intent was? Could it not just be that the guy made a great horror film with all the very clear subtext of a Romero or Carpenter classic, and there's just nothing more to it than that? Because that's how I’m taking it. Because if I don't and I do actually have to wade through all this internet word clunge about how US is "really" about "the effects of classism and marginalisation" or how the antagonists are "effigies of situational classism", I'd write the film off as a failure of achieving its intent.

To dress it up as more than a relentless, scary cat-and-mouse shocker is like trying to put a monocle on a pig and call it a professor.

18. WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOUR

I went into this as a British person completely unfamiliar with Fred Rogers or any of his past work / impact on America and came away completely reverential to the man and what he stood for and achieved across generations. So much so that this documentary completely changed my outlook on a lot of things. It certainly changed the approach I take in how I communicate with my own children now.

It’s a heartwarming, inspirational ode to a clearly great man and I urge everyone to watch it and allow Mr Rogers to give your jaded perspective on life a reinvigorating kick in the butt.

17. APOLLO 11

This really is magnificent. The 70mm archival footage makes the whole thing make it look like you're watching a big studio blockbuster... and not actual real never-before-seen footage from decades ago.

There's moments within this that are just astounding and intoxicating, making you become completely engulfed in something even though you are well versed in what the outcomes are.

16. LONG SHOT

This was the surprise delight of the year. It was very lovely, fun and funny with a great cast being just thoroughly delightful. Charlize Theron is very rarely utilised in comedy (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Season 3 was so long ago) which is a shame coz she's really gifted, as is proven here - the scene where she does hostage negotiation on molly is one of the funniest scenes of the year!

Seth Rogen makes the sort of stuff that is just game-set-match for my particular sensibilities (40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN to SUPERBAD to KNOCKED UP to PINEAPPLE EXPRESS to OBSERVE & REPORT is in itself an all-timer run that puts him up there with Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Albert Brooks) and this is a further reflection of that.

They should never have changed the title to something this generic. And it could comfortably lose 15 minutes here or there. But they're minor niggles for a romcom that we'll still be holding in high regard for years to come. And June Diane Raphael SHOULD get awards for the graft she puts in here. She won’t because films like this never get respect like that, but she totally should.

15. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

I flat out loved this (though I still maintain that I don’t even think the star and the director themselves have referred to the film by its 'full name') and I would be more than happy to see an entry to this franchise every two years if they're of this calibre.

CHAPTER 2 had me worried because it looked like there was a limit to just how much 'throwing people down to the ground and shooting them in the head with CGI gunfire and blood added in on top' you could push into a film before it felt tiresome but this completely circumnavigates all worry around that by dialling up the 'quirk' factor which has always been this franchise's most bizarro and interesting element.

And the introduction of Halle Berry to 'the floor' led to a stand-out set-piece that was nothing short of astounding!

I WOULD however have preferred it if this film had adopted a bit of the ol' VH1 Pop-Up Video Show (remember THAT??) approach and just stuck a bubble up during the motorbike sequence that said "We stole this wholesale from THE VILLAINESS because we know it’s unlikely you saw that movie!")

14. READY OR NOT

I offer up the heartiest of recommendations for this - an absolutely first class horror comedy that finds a delightfully irreverent spin on the cat-and-mouse / slasher movie. It really is the ‘little movie that could’ of 2019 that offers up way, way, way more than its marketing and log-line suggest. It’s very funny and has some truly effective jump-scares and, best of all, it has a great ensemble cast doing great work. Double-bill it with KNIVES OUT and thank me later!

13. ARCTIC

This really worked as an effective, throw-you-into-the-mix survival thriller. Mads Mikkelsen is terrific and he really sells the hell out of it.

You don't know just how successfully it has burrowed under your skin and pulled you along on the ride until the final five minutes when you're screaming "NO!" at the screen.

12. AD ASTRA

I still can’t believe this flopped. I genuinely can’t. It's fair to say it doesn't quite stick its landing in making the end of the journey as narratively thrilling as what it took to get there but it doesn't matter - the journey itself is a sumptuous, thrilling and truly exquisite ride taking an easy "APOCALYPSE NOW in space" label and delivering something so, so much more.

For anyone who grew up with any "sins of the father" issues this will act as a ten ton weight dropped onto their chest.

... It also has space pirates and space monkeys!

11. MARRIAGE STORY

The plaudits are all well-earned and I’m saying this as someone who's connected with very little of Baumbach's work other than THE SQUID & THE WHALE.

It's a genuinely enthralling watch due to a fantastic group of actors being set loose to do tremendous work; Adam Driver is superb and Scarlett Johansson raises her game considerably to go toe-to-toe with him but Laura Dern, Ray Liotta and Alan Alda deliver a trio of masterclasses under one roof.

(If there's ANY justice whatsoever in awards season Alda will split everything Best Supporting Actor related with Joe Pesci… He won’t, because there is no justice when it comes to the vast majority of awards season but that is not to say he doesn’t deserve it!)

This is a delicately crafted piece - where your favoured side in a fight you feel you really shouldn't be privy to, is expertly switched around - that comes from a very obvious place of truth.

10. STAND-OFF AT SPARROW CREEK

I really, really liked this. I can see it's a film I'll go back to quite a few times over the years and see if I can spot the 'turn' because, first time round if I’m honest, I very much did not see the reveal coming.

It's a great little film. The performances are terrific (James Badge Dale is the best actor of our generation, frankly) and Henry Dunham has delivered a hell of an interesting film - all long shots into dark corners of a big dank space, scenes shot with natural torchlight and headlight beams. It's never not interesting to look at.

It's essentially RESERVOIR DOGS re-spun so the diamonds are replaced with missing fire arms and the back alley warehouse in LA is replaced with a militia compound in backwoods America.

9. KNIVES OUT

I found this to be a tremendous amount of fun; the somewhat obvious result that is birthed from a great writer/director putting a terrific script in front of an exceptional cast, designing a fabulous set for them to let loose inside of and then stepping out of their way for quality to reign.

There's a barely tolerable Edgar Wright version of this where the filmmaking is of course "the star", the editing is distracting and the music is purposefully kitschy.

This very much isn't that.

It's decidedly UNshowy and by being so comfortable in its own skin, emulating a classic style of storytelling not so much told anymore, it really stands out as an excellent piece of original cinema.

8. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

I urge you all to completely buy the hype: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME is every bit as fantastic as everyone is saying and Eddie Murphy is like awards-worthy great in it.

You don't have to have seen DOLEMITE to have fun with this but having done so certainly accentuates it.

It's very funny, surprisingly moving and is a genuinely great ode to the importance of following your passions and not letting anyone stifle your creative aspirations... Hell, if this thing existed 25 years ago I myself would be as prolific as Lee fuckin Childs by now.

Da'Vine Joy Randolph gives THE best supporting actress performance of the year. From straight-up out of nowhere.

Genuinely can't wait to watch this a few more times down the road.

7. AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I think there's two ways of looking at AVENGERS: ENDGAME - as a film in its own right with an atypical start, middle, end, etc. AND as a piece of cinematic event-level entertainment.

In the case of the former, it is pretty damn great though not entirely without its flaws:

Give the narrative set up and logical lay out a single seconds thought and this entire thing crumbles to the ground. On top of that, it takes a while to bed down and get going and its tonal scattershot approach across the first forty-odd minutes is a little jarring. Quite literally you're coming out of that first hour with your head-spinning from laughing and then getting whipped into sombre, dour moments... slapped with narrative leaps and 'we're putting the team back together' beats.

Then the 'points of purpose' settle in and quite frankly we're off to the fucking races, man. Captain Marvel is a repeated, annoying goddamn useless 'deus ex machina' and the entire use of Paltrow/'Rescue' is just irritating. BUT everything 45+ minutes is so, so, so, so flipping ACE that shit like that can't even destabilise it.

There's critics out there deriding this as 'Fan Service: The Movie' and, you know what, damn fucking straight it is and there's nothing wrong with that.

(Although it could be argued that a clunky 'let's put all the women together in one shot' moment that lands with a thud is 'fan service' taken too far and not pitched within proceedings well enough for it to be anything other than cloying.)

The entire middle hour of these three hours is a play within a play; only the play its playing in just happens to be TWENTY-TWO OTHER MOVIES!

They could have phoned this in haaaaaard by this point and it is so, so, so commendable that they didn't. Hell, a lot of the films problems lie in the fact that they tried as hard as they did to really do doing something you wouldn't be expecting with this!

As an 'event', there will never be anything like this again in my lifetime, I don’t think. I knew this walking out of it. There'll be more JUSTICE LEAGUE type failed rip-offs. Marvel themselves will try and replicate it with the law of diminishing returns playing into effect. But there will NEVER be something so accomplished from something so long-form on such a grand stage as this again as far as I’m concerned.

6. CRAWL

I’ve went back for multiple viewings of this and absolutely LOVED it even more each time.

It's a lean, bullet-fast, brutal B-movie creature feature that does not fuck around: There is a complete lack of JAWS like foreboding, skulking around... This is straight-up, in your face, nasty, fast carnage. Anyone going in expecting a knowing, winking PIRANHA 3D / SNAKES ON A PLANE type deal is in for a hard slap.

It's pitch perfect entertainment in the sense that it grabs you and then just keeps turning the screws ("Oh, she's battling an alligator in a flooded crawlspace!" "Aww, man! It's a full on storm and there's TWO alligators now!" "Holy Fuckballs - There's MANY alligators and a hurricane now??").

The last 25 minutes alone are an all-out, relentless assault upon your ability to breathe steadily.

This is the best B-movie of 2019!

5. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE

My wife and I are big fans of S. Craig Zahler's BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 (two of the best films of the last decade) even though it's becoming more and more apparent he's quite far from our own political stance.

This, Zahler's latest effort, drops the latent suggestion and presents its right-wing, racist immoral world view with no restraint or apology. And regardless of your political stance, if you're there for the story and the filmmaking craftsmanship you'll find this to be tremendous stuff.

It's like a cut-price, gutter level version of Michael Mann's HEAT; a tale of cop and criminal convergence, told at a thoroughly unhurried and unconcerned pace... Only Zahler would think to interrupt his narrative to propose a short story within the story (about a mother returning from maternity leave) that's only there so that he can hurt you with it.

Mel Gibson's presence here laid up against the subject matter is the very definition of provocative and contentious but there's no getting around the fact that he is as tremendous an actor as he is an awful, awful human being. And by all counts he's REALLY very awful.

Gibson is every shade of ace in this and he's ably supported by Vaughn, who's rightly leaning away from the comedic persona he's broken too badly.

This is a languid, unapologetically nasty film but it's also an excellent one. It's so not for everyone but if you've liked BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 then this is a must. In fact, it's both easily Zahler's best film and one of the best films of the year.

4. MISSING LINK

I think this really is an absolute jewel and I can't understand why more folk aren't screaming about it. It's very funny and visually wondrousness (that boat-in-the-storm INCEPTION homage action sequence is fabulous). The magnitude of talent that would have gone into making this via stop motion... knowing that it takes one week to complete one to two minutes of useable footage!

The creases in the texture of each characters clothing as they move too? WOW! I’ve always adored Laika's output but this was the first for me where the sheer care and attention to detail really shone!

For one, it's easily one of the funniest movies of the year. For another, it looks totally gorgeous. And best of all, it gives kids their very own GUNGA DIN / RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK cinematic adventure type experience.

3. FORD VS. FERRARI (aka LE MANS ’66)

I’m so glad in the same very year where ‘Film Twitter’ nearly blew itself up over the ‘Marvel / Tentpole Cinema / Scorsese / No original studio films anymore’ debate, I got to experience something as majestic and very nearly perfect as FORD VS FERRARI (aka LE MANS '66).

It's got such a tremendous old fashioned style to it that I hope they do what they did with LOGAN and give us a black and white edition and we have 60s era style movie credits to open and close it. It's that kind of movie.

Yet at the same time it manages to display all the high end technical filmmaking majesty backed up by wall-to-wall terrific performances (only Josh Lucas lets the side down with his inability to deliver anything above unsubtle, cartoonish panto villainy).

It's a gorgeous, kinetic, enthralling and by the end a surprisingly tender and moving piece of cinema. I completely adored it.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN… HOLLYWOOD

I fell in love hard with Tarantino's ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD straight-out-the-gate and fell harder with repeated viewings. It's a beautifully shambolic, meandering 'day in the life' sort of deal that plays out as a dry, knowing comedy with a sideline in impending, escalating dread... before becoming, well, something else entirely that's so shocking and out of left field that it feels so courageous because of how swiftly it will divide a viewer.

What's so monumentally lush about it is that it is made by a cinematic craftsman who is essentially writing a love letter to everything he adores/adored about a very specific time in a very specific place within the industry that made him. It is framed, lit and shot with aplomb but on top of that every single thing inside of the frame is chockfull of things that are background noise to somebody and yet incredibly meaningful, funny and knowing to true TV and cinema fans.

If there's any complaint to be made about this movie it's that Tarantino's continued insistence on shoe-horning Zoe Bell into his films is absolutely hurting his product: The woman can't act, can't judge the tone of a scene, is flat-out incapable of putting in a performance consistent with what is going on around with other actors and she is routinely a very hard, very annoying distraction that draws you straight out of the film.

You could argue that it is a listless movie because, in the conventional sense people expect of a narrative, does anything truly happen in the atypical Act 1, Act 2 and Act 3 type of way. But I'd counter-argue that all the enjoyment is in just spending time watching these characters move around and interact with one another.

Knowing the history of Sharon Tate and what happened to her at the hands of The Manson Family fills the entire proceedings with a sense of nausea-inducing nervousness about what we're going to see and to what degree. It's like a pressure valve sat in the background, slowly filling and expanding and just waiting to explode. That it eventually does but in the manner it does, is... well it's audacious... and yet questionable... and still entertaining as hell.

1. THE IRISHMAN

Without a hint of exaggeration, at least once a day every day since I first saw this film I’ve found myself thinking back to both DeNiro's "phone call" scene of which no words would convey its brilliance and Pacino's final scene and the sound he makes in it. The former is genuinely just one of the most haunting, astoundingly natural pieces of acting you'll see from a truly great actor you'd kind of forgot was capable of going to places like this.

This really is a straight-out-the-gate, instant, flawless, completely majestic work of art. It is a master craftsman signing off on a genre he revolutionised in much the same way Clint Eastwood closed down his connection to the western with UNFORGIVEN.

It is three and a half hours long and it doesn't feel remotely close to that... and that's saying something considering most of the film's real awesomeness lies in scenes that are allowed to breathe and just sit or in points being driven home through the repetition in the mundanity of these characters' lives. Because that's the other thing that's really terrific about it - it's not a re-tread of GOODFELLAS or CASINO; there's nothing remotely glamorous about this 'life' - Scorsese presents it as this 'working class stiff' gig where being the right-hand man to some of the most powerful crime figures and industry heads of the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc is really not all that higher up past being a truck driver in the same era.

The much-talked about de-ageing stuff on the actors is a little jarring at first (the first scene of DeNiro in his late 20s or something makes you squelch in your seat a little and think "Fuck, this is going to be bad isn't it?") but it settles in and gets much better as the timelines between character and actor shorten - the work on Pacino in particular is first rate.

The performances are across the board superb - DeNiro and Pacino in particular are so bloody brilliant here that it wakes you up to how fallow and shit they've been for so long. But really, this is Pesci's movie. He gives what is the performance of the year by turning in a really human, considered turn... and in the process circumnavigating the expectations that comes from having this particular actor in this particular genre with this particular director.

Not enough reviews talk about how extremely fuckin funny the movie is - and it is very laugh out loud funny with some of the lines and interactions (Pacino and Stephen Graham together are hilarious!) - and no words accurately describe how truly sad and surprisingly moving it is in the final stretch.

... I don't believe a single word of the source material it’s based on but it's resolutely not important to have to buy into the ('fake'?) memoir in order to appreciate the film adaptation as this massive, majestic piece of cinematic myth making - one that I genuinely can't wait to see again many times over the years!

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ask-vaal-hazak · 4 years ago

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As for the monk I would rule of coll to catch a fireball if you were a way for the 4 elements. Sleight of hand to catch arrows only if shadow monk (bc stealing and attack to yet it back seems cool) also only if its aimed at them for the fire ball I would have them take 1d4 dmg every turn they hold the fire balla

Like I said that hag that did 5d12 per hit. She had 3 claw attacks that were all 5d12 a hit and could cast 2 spells per turn. So web and firebolt then the claw attacks not fun. Not to mention the cyclops had a 2 attack multi attack. 6d8+10. That shit damm near killed my barbar round 1. He died on round 3 thanks to his potion of minor healing. Turns out 1 it was poisoned. And 2 didnt really do much other than make sure I got 5 hp then took 1d4 worth of dmg. I healed for 5 lost 4 hp. Effectively I got 1 hp and had the poisoned condition.

(Oh joy)

What killed my Yuian Ti was the hag. What killed the my babar cyclops.

The centaur also fought the cy. Tbh I dont mind tough campaigns if there done right Bernie when your +3 hour session is mostly traveling in a wagon and not doing shit then this.....its pretty abysmal.

Like I've tried to help this dm balance and every time he just pushes us aside saying hes got it.

I 2 sessions every week for 2 ppl and they have not died once. Now to be fair I do make some scary encounters. But I do not make them deadly. Unless they do dumb shit. Like a player called bs. Bc he died (this was months ago)

I asked him hoes it bs.

Player: it hits too hard and this is too difficult.

Me: *shows the creatures stats.* medium size cage toad. AC: 5 /HP: 25/ actions: 1- Gunk. Spit a gooey acid 30 ft. Deals 1d4 acid dmg. Make a dc 13 dex save. On fail become rooted until you clear the gunk takes 1 action.

Action 2. Slap +1 to hit. 1d4 dmg.

Action 3. Cage. Make a contested str save.(dc 10) or be grappled. And held

This player tried to 1v 10 these roads. Like there were 10. In a room. Filled with oil. The floor was covered in (guess what) oil. This dude had a torch.

A smart person would toss the torch I to the room then close the door.

This fool ran in. Slipped on the oil. Got surrounded then tried to fight. Funny enough he threw the torch at an oil barrel.

In a room.....with oil....so

Oil+fire+ only you= You just hot boxed yourself. 1d6 fire dmg every round. He stayed in that room. Didnt even tried to leave. And burned to death.

Tbh me and his teammates told him it was a bad idea. His reaction

Player: Dont worry guys. I GOT THIS.

He had it alright. Burned down the room and the building. My dmnpc (a life cleric named Faust. Was level 3) there was no bringing this man back. He had spent all his resources to keep the rest of the party alive 3 earlier when this idiot tried to assault a guard and then tried to charm his way out of getting his assbeat.

One does not call a Knoll a bitch and slaps them. Guard or not. They will beat you into the ground.

And it kinda sucks bc. Every campaign this due is in he tries to take the spotlight. And I've med some good campaigns. For example. I've made a Demon slaye campaign for a friend. He wants to do it. I told him u till you can make a character that isnt based on a meme. HELL NO. Rn they are in a little homebrew I call. Castle GRIMDARK. This idiot is trying to befriend towns folk. I have already set this mood and story setting to be dark and gloomy. I told him I have showed in the campaign what the mood is. Guess what he does.

Makes a bard. (Based on parappa the rapper.) Tries to befriend ppl. Guess what happens. He assaults a fairy aprocthary guess what happens. Blames it on me, saying

Player: But it's a fairy it should have 1 hp.

Me: you just assaulted a fae. I hope you like bs. Bc fae are dicks. Quite literally assholes.

Him trying to spotlight will get him killed. And I wont regret anything.

(Ah this turned into another rant I'm srry.)

Anyway if ya want @wispandfriends I can tell ya some rule of cool stuff I allow that isnt breaking or that bad. Like I had a cleric that instead of using spell slots used food and candies. (He infused the food with the spells and pretty much threw them at ppl to cast his spells. So a lot of pies to the face. It was pretty funny. Seeing the theif become addicted to slices of cheese cake.)

I just left a homebrew dnd campaign I've a message for new DM's

If your running a campaign for 2 ppl and there level 3 do not throw cr 6 and 9 monsters at them. For the love of the divine do not.

Extremely fustrating and deadly. And dont use the monsters from a homebrew forum bc it just sounds cool. Bc that "cool" cr 6 hag going against a lv3 party with multiple attack. Multiple spell cast and spell immunity and able to polymorph into any creature it wants at will is devastating.

Just to rant here. I lost 3 characters in 1 hour. My lv 3 barbarian (minotaur zelot). My battlemaster (centaur) and my wizard (yuan ti)

To be a dm ya have to balance and make sure every fight isnt designs to just upright kill ppl at the start bc. 5d12 worth of dmg with multiple attack on a hag or any creature. Is friggin broken.

There no way in hell a monster for a party of 2, level 3 adventures should hit for 5d12 (3 times) and be able to cast 2 spells (at will without using a spell slot) EVERY ROUND. And on top of that have a movement speed of 90 and an ac of 23. (I asked the dm to let me see what he was using and thers more. Swim of 30, fly of 300 ect this is pretty much a god with its stats but the cr says 6. It dosent even feel like a 6. More like a lv 20 broken sack of crap)

This is the reason there are tutorial guides in the book(s) and youtube to show you why you should look at cr then your players levels b4 u design an encounter.

I cant describe how fustrating it was to see my barbarian. Who I spent 5hours making just get tapped lightly and die. Bc 48 hp at lv 3 and taking well over 10 pts of dmg bc apparently she crit me on all attacks and only did like 1 attack to our female player (for 2 dmg with a level 6 scorching ray [its bs] ) was "Fair bc your a barbarian and should be able to tank this EASILY" (quote the dm.)

If there is a way to piss off players it's this and having a game were you get railroaded so hard it's a traveling trip with skill checks with a minimum of 18-20 to notice something like a bear on the road when the weather is CLEAR and everyone is PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION ON A BANDIT HIGHWAY. Not to mention the SCREAMS OF A CYCLOPS AS IT LITERALLY SMASHES INTO THE CARAVAN ACROSS A PLANE WITH A FEW TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Oh and let me not forget the NPCS WHO WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE BC THEY THINK THERE HOT AND DESERVE A NICE HOT MEAT ROD FOR THEIR SERVICES OF INTRODUCING THEMSELVES.

*Facepalm* my god....oh and if your thinking

"GEE-WILLY Mr. Person surely it couldnt be that bad?" This guys campaign was pretty much parappa the rapper, jojo bizarre adventures, bloodborne, Resident evil and memes.

I had a character who came in and apparently they caused the world to have wormholes? (Somehow) and referenced it everytime we played even when that character died. In session one. Bc apparently a company named (I kid you not) Shoe Rack was the equivalent of resident evil's umbrella cooperation. Complete with a drow leader and a litch bookkeeper who turned everyone into zombies to work for free while they apparently made diamonds to sell for millions of gold and keep the workers working g for 1 copper every month. Only giving gold to ppl that would sleep with them.

Not to mention apparently everyone in this world had magic resist or spell immunity to everyone except to females. And when I made a female char apparently that rule became I valid and it was just a straightforward

Me: does a 17 hit?

Dm: well it would but .... *they grin*

Me: but?

Dm: they use a special ring to catch the spell and cast meteor swarm on you point blank.

Me: well they get hit too I just stabbed them with a dagger.

Dm: no you see it's a SMALL METEOR THAT ONLY HITS THE PERSON THAT HIT THEM

Me: so they and my teammate. Who has literally been stabbing them are fine?"

Dm: yes

Me (takes like 589 pts of dmg and is ded)

Dm: the litch turns to you and asks if you want a cup of coffee.

Female player: umm sure?

Dm: whoo-yeah. Combat over you get 500 go and a date with the litch.

Me: I'm sorry what?

Female player: umm...ok. awsome.

Me: ......ok cool so I'll just bring in-

Dm: no that's cool the litch revives yorubas a female zombie slave.

Me: why?

Dm: and you need to have sex to keep yourself alive.

Me: yeah no. I'll just bring in my centaur battle master

1 hour later

Dm: you take umm..let's see *rolls dice.*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: *rolls a shit ton more dice*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: oh oh no *grins*

Me: (takes 40 dmg) I'm still up

Dm: how?

Me: I have 48 hp....I'm still up

Dm: ok it's your attack I guess.

Me: rolls a nat 1 "ok I guess I have disadvantage on my next att-"

Dm: rolls a d100 and a d10 (the percentile)

Me: what are you doing?

Dm: rolling for severity of your fail. Btw how much dmg does your lance do?

Me: it does 1d12 dmg and why are you using severity. That's not in 5e and you said we-

Dm: as you fail you accidentally stab yourself in the throat as your spear hits a rock and you take *rolls dice* 35 pts of dmg

Me: ok I'm out that's bs. Number one and two I have a lance and thers no way I can do 35 dmg. I get about 24 dmg on a crit and 28 if I use my racial feature to kick a person at max with a crit.

Dm: oh your just being salty, you dont play fair!

Me: excuse me?

Dm: ALL YOU DO IS PLAY SPELL CASTWRS AND THATS CHEATING!

Me: bc everyone has spell immunity for some reason or only takes 1/4 the dmg. I'm pretty much useless and am being fored to play melee unlike our LOREMASTER BARD who got an item to DOUBLE HER DMG AND SPELL SLOTS AND CRIT ON A 15 PERMANENTLY (this is the female btw)

Dm: well maybe you should have slept with the litch

Me: she literally found that item in a store for like 3 silver and when I looked (with a 17 arcana check) I found a rusty dagger and a flask of poisoned potion.

Dm: well maybe roll higher?

Female player: umm I rolled like a 10 and found this that's kind of cool but I dont think it's fair. But o wanna keep my items

Dm: ugh fine. You keep yours. Ummm (to me) I guess you get a potion of greater healing for....umm 500 go.

Me:.......nah I'm good, FUCK IT. I'll just make another spell caster Oops. Cant do that. How about a nope. Cant make a barbar I'm going to make a artificer

Dm: cant do that

Me: why?

Dm: they're broken its not good.

Me: *with the book* not broken..ulyou know what why dont you make me a character and I'll use that.

Dm: hands me a sheet

Me: reads "Zonia the sexy zombie elf sex slave that gets stronger every time she has sex?" *Looks at everyone* ok I'm out enjoy the campaign.

Dm: we cant have a dnd adventure with only 1 person.

Me: yes you can you've been doing it since session 1. I'm out goodbye. I'm still running my campaign on sunday. I wont hole anything against you. But I will not sit here and be shit on bc I refuse to kiss yur ass and make a slut of a character. Pull your head from your ass. I'm taking my stuff and I'm out.

Dm: but I need the dm screen and the mat and the markers.

Me: then buy your own or use theater of mind. I'm out.

Like how bad is it to want to be a dm to shit on ppl. THIS, THIS IS NOT OK. and no one wants a zombie sex slave that can only have sex and has a str of 0 a con of 30 a dex of 1 a cha of 40 and so on. Its friggin stupid!

Anyway that's my rant. Im....I think I'm just done with dms and crap I just want to play a dnd game I can be happy with. And not always be the Forever dm. Who has players challenge everything. Like why as a monk they cant use sleight of hand to CATCH A FRIGGIN FIREBALL AND/OR AN ARROW AIMED AT ANOTHER PERSON.

Anyway leave a comment or add on I'm just burnt out and glad I could get this rant off my chest

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withoutarchitect-blog · 8 years ago

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Wil Aballe Art Projects (WAAP), Vancouver, Canada.

Sanie Irsay: What is it like working an art fair?

Wil Aballe: Yes, it’s a funny thing to do. It’s essentially like a travelling exhibition so you have to choose the art fair. For years this was the gallery’s goal – to come to this art fair vs any other art fair in New York. And what kind of presentation? So you know, you can do an installation, like this with Partick Cruz, which is primarily one artist’s work, or you can do a group presentation which is a totally different feel for an art booth. So depends on what philosophy you adhere to in terms of what to present at the fair. It’s always a balance of commercial decisions (as to what you think will sell) and what the local viewer, the people within the fair, will be able to appreciate (and it’s different for every single fair) vs. doing a presentation that is as close to the artist’s vision as possible, which in case of Patrick’s work is the direction that we went. We did consider the commercial aspect of it, but very quite aware that this is more financially risky than doing a group presentation of works by artists that will do well.

S: Yes, I definitely see one artist’s vision –

W: Yes, it’s also closer to what the gallery does when it’s in Vancouver. The gallery’s sort of developed a reputation for very strong presentations of work that are conceptually rigorous. So in terms of its approach and cohesiveness, we wanted to do that kind of presentation here so the people who come to the fair are aware of how the gallery programs the majority of the year. This is quite indicative of that we don’t really do group presentations too often – maybe one or two slots a year we’ll do a group presentation. The majority of the time we work with an artist to realize something in a solo presentation so we felt that might be the best foot forward here.

S: Can you tell me about Patrick Cruz and his work?

W: Partick is Filipino-Canadian. So at least in Canada there is a realization that we need to present a diversity of artistic output, having historically the majority of artists in museums, for instance, being white males – it would be good to show female perspectives, sexuality-diverse perspectives and other cultures. Patrick’s work specifically addresses this feeling of diaspora that happens when somebody migrates across the globe from one culture to another. And I understand because I’m Filipino myself. He moved from Manila to Vancouver. In Canada we are so fortunate – there’s not really an assimilation that happens, you’re kind of embraced, but there’s still tension, you know.

S: Of course.

W: As a person who’s coming to Canada, you do give up certain aspects of your past life to be able to make it work. It’s a personal decision and everybody makes that call individually, and everyone takes a different approach. There is sort of an assimilation that happens on a micro level, so the energy Patrick comes up with in his imagery…I don’t know if they’re necessarily so much about the image in most cases as much as the energy that you get, the sort of grungy, organic dynamic energy of a third world functioning urban city. If you’ve ever been to Manila and you’re in a bar, it’s the feeling that you have where everything sort of happens all at once and it’s got a relative harmony to the madness. These paintings have a manic energy, possibly, one could read it that way, that there is so much going on but it also works, coheres. It’s really nice to be able to represent a feeling of a place, of a type of place, as an art installation to speak to some ideas around globalization and global migration.

He won the RBC Painting competition two years ago, so he basically got to the level that most emerging painters want to get to in Canada and got that prize. But these paintings…they don’t feel very Canadian to me, aesthetically, and the jurors I think took a real chance on him because a lot of people up in Canada don’t necessarily understand his work. It’s taken people a lot of time to process what Patrick does. I think they’re starting to, because he has begun in the last couple of years since the prize to show at major institutions all across Canada. There is this desire to bring this into the discussion of Canadian paintings, because it is a country people from people of different countries, so why not? This addresses it abstractly…we are all entering the work with our own personal experiences and it’s a very Canadian experience to immigrate. No one outside of the Indigenous people really have a different experience, I think everyone is aware that they came from somewhere else.

[…]

S: You mentioned globalization and global migration – what role do you think art fairs play, or where do they stand in these conditions?

W: Well, art fairs...I hate art fairs. I hate doing them. I dislike them very much.

S: Great, that was going to be my next question!

W: I find that they’re the hardest thing to work. It’s so intense, and when you do an art fair you have to plan for what you’re going to do and what art you’re going to bring, make sure it’s packed up and brokered properly. But you also have to bring your nails, bring your screws, bring your tools, figure out the crate, how are you going to open the crate, how you’re going to de-install, do you have bubble wrap…we count out or screws, we count out our nails, we count out everything. All of the information is sent out ahead of time, we do .pdf’s of the price list, we have red stickers – all of those things have to travel with you, it’s a travelling gallery. I find them super exhausting. I would rather not do them. Unfortunately I think the reality of the situation is that if you don’t do art fairs as an emerging gallery, then you’re destined to run a gallery that is regional. And regional is a really dirty word.

S: Really?

W: Yes, I personally revel at the fact that the gallery is in Vancouver and that it shows primarily Vancouver artists. I’ve had many opportunities to work with international artists and bring them into Vancouver, but I’ve actually kind of resisted that because I feel like there is a real community building that’s happening where the younger generation of Vancouver artists are doing such interesting work. We got lucky, we have a great contemporary art history in the forty years, where more artists are internationally active and are in super big deal galleries, and they’re still around. So I want to cultivate this regional dialogue, but if I’m not careful my artists will be known as regional artists and its really important for the work to be seen in an international contemporary setting. So, unfortunately, to do right by the artists, I need to be here and put up with these horrible weeks [laughs]. You know, I had a great time in New York, I love New York. You choose what you like and where you want to be, so even if the work is frustrating…it’s a performance, sitting in these booths for four days. There is a lot that’s dreadful about it, but we’re in New York, and it’s great, we’re far away from home, we’re meeting people we don’t normally meet. Yesterday […] and […]* were in the booth at exactly the same time. On the first day Roberta Smith Instagramed us as one of the highlights of the fair.

[…]

It’s great exposure for the gallery to be seen with those pacemakers, so it’s good to be here.

S: I used to work for a gallery owner who also participated in art fairs, and I got the sense that it’s a great commitment, of course if the gallery does get in in the first place.

W: Yes, you have to be let in. This is not our first time applying to NADA, so we finally got in, a couple times later. And it is a financial commitment. I was sold by a gallerist in Canada that one shouldn’t do an art fair if they can’t pay for it right off the bat. So if you have to sell the art to be able to afford the art fair, you have to say no. And it’s like buying a house, fundamentally the timing of when to buy a house should be according to when you’re ready to buy the house, when you really want to buy it and everything lines up. So it’s the same thing with an art fair, it’s the right time for us to be here now and it happened to align with an application that NADA appreciated and let us in with. So it’s great. The fact that we’re in New York and we don’t know the people means that this likely will have to be a multiple year commitment – and that’s a little more scary. But I did come to year 1 here at the fair thinking that this might be a three year plus deal before it turns into anything significant. That’s really what galleries have to think about – the long term deal, because otherwise we’re all just selling, I don’t know, paintings of like Pikachu or something. You know, whatever’s cool that the kids buy nowadays, that feels contemporary. Or like paintings of Jean Claude Van Damme, I don’t even know. It’s not flowers and landscapes, but you know, the new flowers and landscapes. That would make for such dreadful art to see all in one place if everybody brought the same saleable stuff.

* These are names I can’t make out from the recording – I’m guessing names I’m expected know.

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recentnews18-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/the-nerds-watch-the-best-sci-fi-and-fantasy-streaming-in-september/

The Nerd's Watch: The Best Sci-Fi and Fantasy Streaming in September

Scott Pilgrim is coming to Netflix.Photo: Universal

You can get comprehensive lists of everything coming to streaming services anywhere. But half of those titles you don’t care about, and the other half are terrible. Where’s the good stuff? io9 is here to help.

Below you’ll find what we deem to be the best sci-fi and fantasy movies and TV coming to Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu in September.

Wakanda forever…streaming on your TV.Photo: Disney

Netflix

Available September 1

Groundhog Day – Harold Ramis’ genius time travel comedy was a little under-appreciated when it was released but in the decades since, it’s become more and more revered. Deservedly so. It’s insanely rewatchable, funny, and heartwarming.

King Kong – The Netflix press release just lists this as “King Kong,” but we’ve confirmed it’s Peter Jackson’s 2005 take on the giant ape story. Obviously, it isn’t the best version (that honor goes to the one that came out back in 1933), but it’s not too bad.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – No, it’s not as good as the book, but this adaptation of the wonderful, inventive Douglas Adams novel is about as good as you can get. It’s funny, it’s weird, it’s got a great cast, and it’s definitely worth a rewatch.

September 2

Lilo & Stitch and The Emperor’s New Groove – Besides the fact that these are both Disney animated films, they really don’t have much in common. But each is noteworthy in its own way and will make any kids in your orbit very happy, especially the charming, Hawaii-set extraterrestrial tale Lilo & Stitch.

September 4

Black Panther – The highest-grossing U.S. film of the year—and one of the most entertaining, well-made films of any year—comes to Netflix, and now Wakanda really is forever.

September 7

Next Gen – To be fair, we don’t know if this Netflix original is good. But the trailer suggests a theatrical-worthy animated adventure about a young girl who befriends a killer robot. We’re intrigued.

September 16

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – Edgar Wright’s amazing, kinetic adaptation of the Bryan Lee O’Malley comic book series may be not just one of the best comic book movies of all time, but one of the best video game movies of all time too, despite not being about a video game. Also, much of the cast has gotten insanely famous since this movie so rewatching it has an added layer of awesome.

September 17

The Witch – If you’re reading this column, odds are you’ve seen The Witch already. If you haven’t, though, mark down this date. It’s one of the creepiest, most gusty horror movies in a long time, and is about a Puritan family being stalked by an ancient evil.

September 21

Maniac – Again, we have yet to see this Netflix original limited series, but based on the brief glimpses that have been released, it feels safe to assume that Cary Fukunaga’s latest, which stars Emma Stone and Jonah Hill, will be pretty great.

September 25

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl – Though many things have changed about the Pirates franchise over the years (Johnny Depp’s public image, increasingly bad sequels, etc), this first film remains a modern miracle: a theme park ride that became an incredibly exciting and funny movie that holds up over repeat viewings.

A Wrinkle in Time – The reviews on Ava DuVernay’s recent adaptation were pretty mixed. But now that it’s coming to Netflix, it feels like a good time to either revisit it with fresh eyes or see it for the first time, if you missed it in theaters.

September 26

The Hurricane Heist – Of all the great movies coming to streaming this month, this may be the one I’m most excited about. I haven’t seen it yet, but it feels like it would be the perfect, dumb film to stream and enjoy.

Kevin Costner’s Robin Hood is coming to streaming.Photo: Warner Bros.

Amazon

Available September 1

Beowulf – I haven’t seen Robert Zemeckis’ performance capture retelling of the famous poem since it was released in 2007, but I loved it back then. I’m sure the effects don’t hold up 11 years later but I’d imagine the performances and script do. And now that it’s on streaming, I can check.

Big Top Pee-wee – This sequel to 1986’s Pee-wee’s Big Adventure isn’t quite on that film’s level, but it’s still worth a watch. The weirdly wonderful, circus-set story is different and still perfect in a Pee-wee way.

Double Impact – Two Van Dammes for the price of one? Yes, please. Double Impact is undoubtedly one of the most memorable films of the action star’s career. Is it one of the best? Debatable, but it’s well worth a stream or two. (Also available on Hulu.)

Dragonheart – From the director of The Fast and the Furious as well as xXx comes this Dennis Quaid-starring fantasy adventure that was nominated for an Oscar for its CG dragons. It’s not all that memorable but it’s entertaining and exciting to be sure.

Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters II – The original Ghostbusters is an all-time classic. The sequel isn’t, but still has its moments. Either way, Ghostbusters II on its worst day is one of the best movies coming to streaming, and if you can watch the original, too, that’s even better.

Prancer – The 1989 Christmas tale Prancer is one of those movies you definitely saw when you were growing up, really liked, but probably haven’t thought about in 20 years. Now it’s on Amazon to help you jump-start that nostalgic Christmas spirit.

Pumpkinhead and Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings – Halloween is just around the corner, so it’s cool that one of the lesser-known horror franchises is coming to streaming. Only the first film, directed by Stan Winston, was released theatrically, but if you want a good cult horror series to dive into, here’s a great start. (Also available on Hulu.)

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves – This Kevin Costner film is probably best known for its uber-popular theme song by Bryan Adams (“Everything I Do, I Do It For You”) but for a certain generation, like mine, it was also our formative Robin Hood. It doesn’t hold up particularly well, but it’s still full of 1990s awesomeness.

The Amityville Horror – Famous for being based on an alleged true story, this 1979 film starring James Brolin and Margot Kidder is not only good and scary, it’s historically significant for starting a horror franchise that’s alive and well to this day. (Also available on Hulu.)

Two Nicolas Cages for the price of one. Photo: Sony

Hulu

Available September 1

13 Going on 30 – This Jennifer Garner romantic comedy isn’t just delightful, it’s got a Marvel-ous supporting cast including Mark Ruffalo as the love interest, Andy Serkis as the boss, and Judy Greer as the frenemy. It’s a movie you can watch again and again.

Adaptation – When was the last time you watched Adaptation? Even if the answer is “yesterday,” now is a great time for a revisit. Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze’s imaginative adaptation of Susan Orlean’s The Orchid Thief is meta, hilarious, profound, and perfect.

The Bone Collector – It’s always disappointing when a film with two of the biggest actors in the world, in this case Denzel Washington and Angelina Jolie, doesn’t live up to that level of talent. The Bone Collector is like that, but it’s not terrible, and the combined charisma of late-1990s Denzel and Angelina is worth a lot.

Field of Dreams – If you stream it, we will watch.

The Fly – David Cronenberg’s creepy, gross, but oh-so-awesome film about a scientist( Jeff Goldblum) who fuses with a fly has to be seen to be believed. And if you’ve already seen it, see it again.

Miracle on 34th Street – This 1994 remake of the 1947 Christmas classic is actually pretty great. Richard Attenborough plays Santa, John Hughes co-wrote the script, and while the story doesn’t change much, the modern setting and budget make it feel even grander than the original.

Poltergeist II: The Other Side – While this sequel is certainly inferior to its original, it brings back the first film’s cast and continues that story. For that alone, if you like the original Poltergeist (and who doesn’t?), this is worth a watch. (Also available on Amazon)

Signs – Signs came out at the height of M. Night Shyamalan hype and was a huge hit, but doesn’t really get the same love as some of his other films. I think it should. It’s got big ideas, a great ending, and some gorgeous filmmaking.

Unbreakable – While Signs might be good, Unbreakable is great. We’ve written about it extensively, especially with the sequel finally coming out, and now you can catch up before Glass hits theaters in January. It’s one of the best and most inventive superhero movies ever.

What Dreams May Come – This sumptuous Robin Williams movie about a man going to heaven never quite lives up to its expectations, but it’s crazy ambitious and worth a stream for the visuals and lead performance alone.

Source: https://io9.gizmodo.com/the-nerds-watch-the-best-sci-fi-and-fantasy-streaming-1828427005

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mina-ahavi · 4 years ago

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#narumi momose #hirotaka nifuji #it's difficult to love an otaku #fujita #mangacap #wotakoi #wotaku ni koi wa muzukashii #so damm scary and funny #love is hard for otaku

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deborondi · 7 years ago

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10 movies I see differently after growing up

¿Español? Lo tienes más abajo

From time to time, I love to review how much I evolved while growing up: Likes & dislikes, hobbies, ideology… Most of it changed over the years. On one of the things I notice it the most is when watching again movies that I watched on my childhood and left their mark. As we can expect, I see many of them differently after my maturity and sometimes I change my unconditional love for a blatant abhorrence, but sometimes it happens on the contrary. Today I picked a few movies that I see completely different now and will explain you why.

Child’s Play

To be honest, I don’t remember having watched that movie when I was a child, but I do remember a paralyzing fear of Chucky and dolls in general because of it. Seriously, I feared dolls, a lot. I wasn’t even able of watching it again until I was almost 20 and because I watched before a documentary about how it was made. And I am glad I did, because I think that’s one of the worst scary movies I’ve ever seen, so much that I spent the whole movie laughing.

Notting Hill

I remember watching it on my early teens and thinking “Wow, this love story is so beautiful”. I loved it so much that I saw it again several times in about three months and for years I remembered that movie as one my favourites romantic comedies. Finally I watched it again a few months ago and I regretted it a lot. I hate Anna Scott’s behavior towards William Thacker when she reappears, and for that reason couldn’t loathe it more.

Star Wars – Episode V: The Empire strickes back

OK, it wouldn’t be fair saying I changed my mind about this movie. In fact, there’s only a scene I don’t like: the one where Han Solo harasses and forces a kiss to Leia. I know you might think that’s a stupid and without any importance scene. But hey she is saying no and he keeps insisting and well, don’t forget that they end up together. So that’s a message I loathe, yep. As you can imagine, I didn’t see it that way when I was little, I even found that scene romantic haha.

Forrest Gump

Again, another movie that I still love despite of finding something that I don’t. That movie is touching, I know, and I also know that what I’m about to say I hate is part of what makes that movie touching. But the truth is I cannot stand how Jenny takes advantage of Forrest’s love.

The Princess Bride

One I adore even after growing up, albeit in such a different way I did when I first saw it. When I was watching it as a child I loved it as the fairy tale I thought it was. But over time I got to understand how ironic and comical this piece is. So, even though that movie has been one of my favourites since I was a child, it is now for different reasons it was then. And I have to say it, I love laughing hard while watching it.

Matrix

I must confess: I didn’t understand a thing the first time I watched it. Not the references, not the story, NOTHING. I just liked Keanu Reeves (I might say he was one of my first crushes) and everyone on TV was saying that movie was spectacular. But the truth is I always hated not to understand things and this movie was hard to follow for a 12 year old kid, or at least for me. So I didn’t enjoyed much. It wasn’t until a few years and several viewings later that I understood what people was talking about that movie. It took me some time, but now I love it.

Titanic

Funny information: I was a corny child. Seriously, I was. I loved pink clothes, romantic movies and cheesy lines. That’s why I loved a movie like that, even with its sad ending. Fortunately my vision of romanticism changed over the years, now there are few romantic movies I love. In fact, I hardly choose to watch a romantic film because I usually hate them. There’s no exception with Titanic.

What would you think if I told you that I was scary AF of him? Yes, I feared ET as much as I feared Chucky and I’m not sure why. Might it be because he died and then he lived again? I’m not sure. Anyway, I now think what everyone else: ET is one of the cutest characters in cinema’s history.

Kickboxer

Let’s see, I always had a thing with martial arts performers: Steven Seagal, Bruce Lee, Jean-Claude Van Damme… I loved their films and I specially loved them. This movie was one of my favs. Now I cannot stand watching it hahaha. The story is very weak, the script horrible and the protagonist’s performance lousy. The only thing that I like is the martial arts scenes. So, wouldn’t say that I hate this movie, but I don’t think I’ll be watching it again for a long time.

Pocahontas

You know how kids have a film they watch over and over again? This was mine. I loved it so, so much. I wanted to be her, she was my Disney princess. Then years went by, and I didn’t see it again until I was almost 25. Oh man, that was a torture. It’s not that I don’t like the movie but they sing too much. I remember asking: crap, why is she singing again? Couldn’t there be more dialogue? So I still remember it fondly but mostly because I was in love with that movie as a child.

This is it! It was fun to share something like this. How about you? Is there any film you see differently now? Just leave a comment and tell me about it!

10 películas que no volvieron a ser lo mismo al crecer

De vez en cuando, me gusta reflexionar sobre lo mucho que evolucioné durante mi crecimiento: gustos, aficiones, ideología… Gran parte cambió a lo largo de los años. Una de las cosas donde más lo noto es al revisionar películas que dejaron su marca durante mi infancia. Como cabe esperar, no opino lo mismo de ellas después de haber madurado un poco: a veces cambio mi amor incondicional por aborrecimiento, y a veces todo lo contrario. Hoy escogí unas cuantas películas cuya opinión cambió completamente y os explicaré por qué.

El muñeco diábolico

Siendo sincera, no recuerdo haber visto este largometraje de niña, pero si recuerdo el miedo paralizante a Chucky y los muñecos en general. En serio, tenía un miedo espantoso a las muñecas. No fui siquiera capaz de revisionarla hasta casi los 20, y porque vi un documental de como hicieron el rodaje.

Notting Hill

Recuerdo ver esta peli con mi recién estrenada pubertad y pensar “Uau, esta historia de amor es preciosa”. Me gustó tantísimo que la vi varias veces a lo largo de tres meses y, durante años, la recordé como una de mis comedias románticas favoritas. Hace unos meses, la volví a ver y me arrepentí al momento. Detesto el trato de Anna Scott hacia William Thacker al reaparecer, así que no puedo aborrecerla más.

Star Wars – Episodio V: El Imperio contraataca

Vale, no sería justo decir que cambié mi opinión sobre este film. De hecho, solo hay una escena que no me gusta en toda la película: Esa en la que Han Solo acosa a Leia y fuerza un beso. Lo sé, puede parecer una tontería sin importancia. Pero pensadlo, ella está diciendo que no y él no deja de insistir, y bueno, no olvidemos que al final terminan juntos. Así que sí, odio este mensaje. Como podéis imaginar, de niña no pensaba lo mismo, la escena incluso me parecía romántica. XD

Forrest Gump

De nuevo, otro largometraje que sigue encantándome, a pesar de encontrarle algún pero. Lo sé, la película es conmovedora, y también sé que lo que estoy a punto de desvelar como un gran pero es parte de lo que hace esta película tan conmovedora. Sin embargo, debo admitir que no soporto la forma en que Jenny se aprovecha del amor que Forrest siente por ella.

La Princesa Prometida

Una que adoro incluso después de haber crecido, sin embargo, lo hago de una forma muy distinta a como lo hacía de niña. Al verla por primera vez, de pequeña, me encantó como el cuento de hadas que pensé que era. No obstante, con el tiempo fui entendiendo la ironía y comicidad que se esconde en ella. Así pues, a pesar de ser uno de mis favoritos desde la infancia, lo es ahora por razones muy distintas. Y lo confieso, adoro reír a carcajadas mientras la miro.

Matrix

Vale, lo admito: no entendí nada de nada la primera vez que la vi. Ni las referencias, ni la historia. NADA. A mi, me gustaba Keanu Reeves (puedo decir sin reparo que fue uno de mis primeros crushes) y todo el mundo hablaba en TV de lo espectacular que era el film. Pero la verdad es que siempre he odiado no entender las cosas y esta película era difícil de seguir para una niña de 12 años, o por lo menos para mí. Así que no me gustó. No fue hasta pasados unos cuantos años y revisionados que entendí sobre qué iba la película. Me costó un tiempo, pero ahora me encanta.

Titanic

Dato divertido: De niña era muy cursi. En serio, lo era. Adoraba la ropa de color rosa, las películas románticas y las frases empalagosas. Y por eso adoraba una película como esta, incluso teniendo en cuenta su triste final. Por fortuna, mi visión del romanticismo cambió con el tiempo, y ahora hay muy pocas películas de esta temática que me gusten. No hay excepción con Titanic.

¿Qué pensaríais si os dijera que me aterraba ET? Sí, me asustaba tanto como lo hizo Chucky y aún no estoy segura de por qué. Puede ser por su resurrección? No lo sé. En verdad da igual, ya que ahora pienso lo mismo que el resto del mundo: ET es uno de los personajes más adorables de la historia del cine.

Kickboxer

Veamos, desde bien jovencita que tengo algo con los actores de artes marciales: Steven Seagal, Bruce Lee, Jean-Claude Van Damme… Me encantaban sus películas y sobretodo, ellos. Esta era una de mis favoritas y ahora no soporto verla XD. La historia es pobre, el guión horrible y la actuación del protagonista malísima. Así que la única parte que me sigue gustando son las escenas de artes marciales. No diría que la odio, pero os puedo asegurar que tardaré un tiempo en revisionarla.

Pocahontas

¿Sabes como los niños tienen una película que miran una y otra vez? Esta fue la mía. Me gustaba tantísimo. Quería ser ella, ella era mi princesa Disney. Luego el tiempo fue pasando, y no la volví a ver hasta casi los 25 años. Oh madre mía, fue una tortura. No digo que no me guste el film, pero cantan demasiado. Recuerdo preguntarme a mí misma: mierda, ¿por qué está cantando otra vez? ¿No podría haber más diálogo? Así pues, aún la recuerdo con cariño, pero la razón es porque estuve enamorada de esta peli durante mi infancia.

¡Esto es todo! Ha sido divertido compartir con vosotros este post. ¿Qué hay de vosotros? ¿Hay alguna película que veáis con otros ojos ahora? ¡Dejad un comentario contándomelo!

The post 10 movies I see differently after growing up appeared first on Una taza llena de estrellas.

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carriefisherscokenail · 7 years ago

Note

1-102 >:)

there’s so much raw energy in that face i feel like im being physically forced to do this

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?it was my mom so i hope so

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?im eighteen so yes sir

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?every waking moment of my life

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?i smile at every single person i make eye contact with

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?im pretty sure

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?i heard deepthroat and i thought of santa claus

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?jean jacket and pj pants

8. How often do you listen to music?every day

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?jeans for sure

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?this question is literally so funny

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?depends on the day honestly

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?yes

13. What about ‘R’?also yes

14. Can you drive a stick shift?i can hardly drive a normal car

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?i care way too much

16. Are you going out of town soon?i mean im goin to calgs tmrw if that counts

17. When was the last time you cried?saturday night

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?probably not

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?yes i love my friends

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.its christmas i love christmas

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?im a lesbian

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?noooo

24. What are you sitting on right now?my bed

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?my friends who i also love

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?december has done a number on me

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?colby

28. Do you get a lot of colds?ive been sick for the past 30 years

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?probably target

30. Does anyone hate you?you betcha

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?when isn’t there

32. Do you like watching scary movies?love em

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?never ever

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?2016 for sure

35. Did you have a dream last night?yes and it was super fucked up

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?today

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?i have no idea

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?well i THOUGHT SO but people love to play w my emotions

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?i don’t know

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?yeah it was pretty good

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i think so??

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?yes literally in 8 hours

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?yes i think

44. What’s the best part about school?playing fun games like let’s see how long i can hide in my car and smoke before administration catches me and testing to see if they will REALLY not let me walk the stage for missing too many classes

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?it’s not 1986 we have phones now

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?all the damm time

48. Were you single over the last summer?nope

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?not even a lil

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?sleeping

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?no i lov him

52. Are you nice to everyone?i try to be

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?i never expect to like anybody

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?uh people who can’t have problems

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?it depends on what im hiding

56. Do you think you like someone?sure do!!!

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J��?i don’t think so

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?girls usually

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?every single one of them.

60. Do you hate anyone?yes god yes

61. How’s your heart?ready to be harvested and sold

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?yell heah

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?everyone

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?well every single other person ive kissed in the past month has DONE ME DIRTY so probably

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i hope not dear god

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?no i own belts

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?colby

70. How do you look right now?like a rat

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?im a libra

72. Can you commit to one person?yeah

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?yeah

74. Have you ever felt replaced?once again yeah

75. Did you wake up cranky?im always in a bad mood

76. Are you a jealous person?eh it depends

77. Are relationships ever worth it?of course jesus christ who the hell wrote these tell them to break up with their damn boyfriend

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?santa

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?see above

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

going boxing day shopping

81. Last person you cried in front of?colby AGAIN

82. Is there someone you will never forget?a billion people

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i don’t think she gives a shit abt me

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?praying and reading scripture

85. Are you over your past?never babey

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?im a lesbian

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?yes maam

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?we ended on good terms buddy boy

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?probably??

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?god u have no idea

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?god willing

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?yeh

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?i wasn’t

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?i was

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?i mean she’s pretty but ive known her since i was an infant so

97. Who do you have texts from?rogers telling me ive gone over my data limit

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?i’d brush it off babey thats what i do

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?a can of pepsi

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?nope

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?all the time

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photomaniacs · 7 years ago

Photo

An Interview with Photographer Richard McLaren http://ift.tt/2vp7qVk

What do President Nelson Mandela, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Tina Turner, Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow, Pierce Brosnan, Jon Bon Jovi, Marc Anthony, Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Mendes, Orlando Bloom, Patrick Swayze and Heath Ledger have in common? The magical lens of Richard McLaren has captured them all. And this is only a small sampling of famous people who McLaren has photographed in his four decades in the industry.

McLaren, who had already been around the world twice by age 18, has photographed for top publications throughout the globe, including Vogue, InStyle, GQ, Vanity Fair, Elle, Rolling Stone, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Esquire and more. NASCAR, Ford, The National Guard, Chevrolet, Gulfstream, Rolls Royce, and Sketchers are some of the commercial clients who have also relied on McLaren’s artistry.

Movie studios trust McLaren. When he is provided access to the talent for a day, he tends to do 15 to 20 different set-ups, which means a lot of really fast shooting. This allows the studio to have enough material to send out and promote the movie.

Pierce Brosnan

Phil Mistry: How long have you worked in photography?

Richard McLaren: I have been taking pictures for 35 years, closer to 40 years.

How did you get started?

I started my career when I was about 16 or 17 when I had come out of school and went into work for Scope Features, a photo print news agency which had all the top photographers in London, England on their books. So I used to assist them, all over the world on different assignments from music to fashion to advertising campaigns. I stayed at this agency for about seven or eight years and became a freelance photographer after that.

Heath Ledger

What brought you from London to Los Angeles?

I used to shoot all big-name celebrities. I used to come to America with my photo team and my wife and kids, and we rented a house in Beverly Hills. We used to spend six months in the year in Los Angeles. We would work five-six weeks at a time and then come back after about a month. And then I thought we might as well move here. So in January 2000, I moved the whole family to Los Angeles.

So were you into photography in school?

Oh, yeah. In school, we used to shoot 16mm documentaries, and there was a film club at school.

I have heard that your first job involved putting oil on naked ladies. Is that true?

As I mentioned earlier, I was 16 when I joined the agency in London. There was a studio attached to the agency, and there was one photographer who did all the glamor shots. On my first day, he asked me to rub oil onto naked ladies.

At home that evening my mother asked me how my first day at the job was. I said, “Great, I rubbed oil on two naked ladies, ” and she said, “You’re not going back there tomorrow.” And my brothers said, “Oh, we’ll go in there for you.” My mother is now 96, God bless her, and if I mention it, she still remembers the story and laughs over it.

Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth together after 23 years

In 2006 David Lee Roth and the Van Halen brothers, two icons of the music industry reunited, and you witnessed it?

Yes, David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen’s hadn’t seen each other for 23 years [since disbanding after their classic 1984 album]. When I turned up, Eddie Van Halen was getting his makeup done, and David Lee Roth’s walked by and they looked at each other and sort of nodded. I told my assistant, “Give me the camera,” as they may have a fight. And then Van Halen said to me, “I would like to do a picture with David?”

The picture of the two of them together that I did ran in Rolling Stone [on the website], and I got thousands upon thousands of hits and turned out to be a historical picture. But then something interesting happened. We shot on a Wednesday, and his manager called me on Friday and asked me not to release the pictures as Van Halen was going into rehab. So the pictures just appeared on the Rolling Stone site.

Tina Turner

Tina Turner did not know how to swim. How did you get her to go into the pool chest deep?

Her manager knew that I could do just one shoot and get them a ton of publicity. Tina had an infinity pool in the south of France, and yes she couldn’t swim, but I managed to get her in the water. It was a funny shoot as I didn’t bring any swimwear with me and I was in the pool in my underpants. My guys were holding the lights in the water, and I was shooting on a 4 x 5 film camera. She was terrified of the water, and one of my assistants was underwater holding her legs.

It worked out to be a very successful picture as we got 40 or 50 covers from the selected frame. I was very into doing pictures that would cause a stir, get a lot of attention and generate publicity—and that was what I was known for.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

How did you get Jean-Claude Van Damme to strip naked and pose with lions?

He was out in South Africa doing a movie, and his manager asked me if I would go out there and do a shoot. My friend has a lion farm in South Africa, and I organized some lion cubs. Ultimately Van Damme, who had a great body and loved himself, was naked and holding up two cubs by the scruff of their necks and that picture ran around the world to promote the movie.

Can things go wrong with celebrities and lions?

They were only lion cubs. However, things went wrong in a different way. I asked a Dubai sheik whether I could shoot in his suite at the hotel in South Africa and he agreed. We shot with six lion cubs, and they ended up ripping the cushions and furniture in the $25,000-per-night suite!

Andrew Zimmern Bizarre Foods poster

Andrew Zimmern Bizarre Foods shoot

Any other disasters ever happened on your shoots?

Sure… I was shooting photos for Paulina Rubio, the Latin singer and actress. It was for a shoe company, and I had pictured her naked on a horse with just her shoes. The daylight studio that the client chose was four floors up, so we got the horse in the freight elevator. The horse wasn’t scared but as soon as we got in the studio he did the biggest pee and it stank. Yes, we had to spend 30 minutes mopping it all up before we could continue.

The picture went up in Mexico City on a huge billboard. However, they had to take it down in 24 hours as numerous drivers kept staring at the poster and crashed their cars!

Nelson Mandela

How did you end up shooting Nelson Mandela?

I was shooting the Miss World pageant in South Africa when I met an associate of Mandela and requested her for an opportunity. There were 78 photography applications before me and I did not have much hope but then two days later she called me and asked to come over the next day.

It was the only time I’ve been nervous on a shoot and I have been with some of the most prestigious people in the world. Understanding what he had gone through, it was the pinnacle of my career.

Desmond Tutu

And Desmond Tutu?

At the same time that I was photographing Mandela, Desmond Tutu was scheduled to retire. The day he retired I got to go to the church, see him pray and did a series of portraits.

And you shot Winnie Mandela as well?

Yes, and also on the same trip without Mandela knowing, I photographed Winnie Mandela as well in Soweto. So I actually shot three iconic people in South Africa on a single trip.

National Guard

What’s in your camera bag?

Digital now although I am a film man, a pure film man! I’ve got 28 boxes of film cameras from 35mm, 645, 66, 67, 4×5, 8×10, whatever, I’ve got basically everything. But now, nobody wants film as such, which is a shame. I am a Canon man and I also shoot digital H2 Hasselblad as well with the IQ digital backs.

The problem with the digital cameras is that they are so d*mn sharp so that if you are shooting anyone older than 15, they look terrible because they show every line and every flaw in your skin. And you have to end up softening everything down. And when you have a big 27-inch preview monitor they say, “Do I look that bad?”

Gulfstream

In the film days, I had certain cameras and lenses that were soft with different qualities. I was then able to use the camera that would work correctly for the person I was shooting. But nowadays you don’t have an option, as the digital cameras are so sharp that they are scary.

I recently shot a veteran singer-songwriter who’s has had a career of 50 years. When the pictures come on the 40-inch monitor, whoa, you see every sore, every vein, everything. These are not the most flattering of cameras but clients like these cameras because they got great quality as you can do a postcard or put it on the side of the hotel and it still looks beautiful. I don’t particularly like it, I think they are too sharp, they are too critical but you have to deliver what the clients want.

But I got this beauty software, which is fantastic, as clients love the way it makes them look.

Colin Farrell

Can you make anybody look beautiful?

My forte in photography is lighting. I always make people look beautiful.

The problem with digital now is that you don’t have to be technically fantastic or brilliant or even good because you got all these computer experts that can tweak and change the color, soften it, make it look flattering on the skin or whatever.

Heather Graham, Polaroid Transfer

In the film days, you just got [the film] processed and that was WHAT IT WAS. Now you can pull a recipe on the computer so that when you shoot a picture, it comes in the way you wanted it to look. At the end of the day, it’s the end result that matters not what came out of the camera.

It’s [beauty software] amazing software for men or women. You can change the noses, you can change the lips, and you can change the eyes. You don’t have to have a retoucher with you anymore as you can just run this software, which takes roughly 3 minutes to work.

Emirates Airline, HQ Building, Dubai

Your Emirates image landed up covering the complete side of a building at the airport. Did you have to shoot it in a particular way, so that it could be enlarged this big?

No, we just shot that on the Hasselblad and they enlarged it to something crazy like 240 feet high. It ended up being the biggest Billboard ever done in Dubai

Do your photos get used without permission?

My photos go directly to the clients or magazines. But after they have used it they do end up on the Internet and there is not much you can do about it, whether they have scanned it from a magazine or whatever.

Dance Moms

Have you ever sued for unauthorized use?

No. But back in London, many years ago, there was a company I did shoot for and they were published in Esquire and someone scanned the images and was selling in a record store. Esquire went to court after them but then that company just closed down. So you end up spending 30 grand and get nothing. It may work out for big companies but for me, it doesn’t make sense as it costs thousands of dollars and you may not get any money back.

Patrick Swayze

When you photographed Patrick Swayze dancing in Pinewood Studios, a paparazzi shooter got the photos published before you could even process the film. How did that feel?

That shoot was actually at an airport hangar in Santa Monica and was for Mondo Uomo in Italy. I never saw any other photographer there but he must have been shooting from far with a 400-600mm lens and the next day the photos appeared in one of those rag magazines. The editor called me to protest but that was the only time it happened to me, after which I have been much more on the ball. If I have done big names, I have had security.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony got together for the first time for their album in a Miami house by the ocean. Paparazzi were coming by in boats but I just had a 12 feet high black curtain put around the location. If you are going to shoot near a public beach where paparazzi are going to be there, they are going to find you but you have to be alert.

Marc Anthony

Celebrities like Beyoncé are taking their own pictures and posting them to Instagram. Is this cutting out the professional photographer?

No. Social media has made it easier for celebrities to post pictures but they still need great photographers to shoot great photos.

How limited are the limited-edition prints you are selling on your site?

I’m doing 20×30 inch prints in an edition of 20 prints at the moment. I will see how the interest is and then maybe release another edition in a different size, like 30×40 or 16×20 inches.

Emirates Airline’s A319 private jet charter fleet, Dubai

Do you still shoot in anything other than digital?

Yes, I do personal projects. I do portraits on wet-plate collodion [invented in 1851] on 16×20 inch cameras with brass lenses. I take the photos on black glass or aluminum and the photos are incredible. I love shooting on large format cameras like Linhof but nobody wants it anymore, which is a shame.

Recently you have been directing videos. How does it feel not to be behind the camera yourself?

I love shooting motion and I have got into it because the cameras we use are capable of shooting it now, so it’s opened up the business for the photographer. I like directing and I operate the camera as well, so I can do all basically. We do TV poster shoots for shows and nine times out of ten the client will ask for a video as well. And it works out cheaper for the client, as they don’t have to bring in different crews for stills and motion.

NASCAR drivers at Daytona

What cameras are you using to shoot video?

We shoot on the RED, ARRI Alexa and the Canons. When we shot the Emirates Airlines commercial, we shot the Canon on 4K and the quality is beautiful.

Do you pull stills from your 4K videos?

I don’t because I prefer to shoot stills with my still cameras unless it’s something you can’t get on your still camera. When you have someone running towards you, there is a greater chance of getting a perfect frame at 24 fps than with just 10 fps on a still camera.

Eva Mendes

What lighting do you use?

Profoto. That’s what I like. I’ll shoot Broncolor. I’ll shoot whatever is available but my go to is Profoto.

And what lighting do you use for videos?

We’ll just bring HMIs although we shoot a lot of daylight videos as well.

Emirates Airlines

Between still and video how much equipment do you have to carry to a shoot?

For the Emirates Airlines campaign, I took 3 tons of equipment to Dubai: 6 huge flat cases with the lighting, 12 camera cases and probably 10 bags of accessories. There were 80 people on the shoot that lasted for 12 days. I had 40 models, 7 assistants, 1 digital tech, hair and makeup stylists, art directors and ad agency people from Holland, clients, crew and local runners.

I shot 30 print campaigns and four motion commercials. And earlier it took 2 hours to clear all that equipment through customs at 1 AM in the morning at Dubai airport!

Pamela Anderson

You have said that photography is 90% personality and 10% photography. What do you mean?

For me it is. I’m not blowing my own trumpet but I feel I have a very good personality and can really converse with people whatever they are, homeless individuals or kings and queens. Sometimes I have a DJ on set to get a great atmosphere going and relax everybody.

I know a lot of creative directors who work with photographers who won’t say anything during a shoot. They will let the creative director direct and they will just press the button. Now I can’t do that, as I like to be in control of how the shot is going to look. Working with the creative director is very important but once the creative director starts talking they lose respect for the photographer because the photographer is letting someone else take control of the shoot.

I like to speak to the celebrity and tell them what we are trying to achieve. I will let them come and look at the monitor to review the images because most of them are very insecure. They are great in front of the motion camera but when they get in front of the still camera, there’s not too many of them comfortable to be there. So I try to make it fun for them to be there and get them in and out of the studio or location as quickly as possible and do what’s needed and not overshoot.

National Guard

You have said that you would like to shoot Nicole Kidman in Antarctica. Why Antarctica?

I love shooting in offbeat places. Celebrities are always shot in the studio or their beautiful homes, but rarely in great locations. If you look at the great photographs of movie stars from the 50s and 60s, there’s a jazz photographer called William Claxton. He did great images of Steve McQueen in various situations and you just don’t see those kinds of images anymore.

The pictures that are shot now are very safe, very easy and just what the magazine wants. I just think Nicole Kidman in Antarctica would be incredible, maybe fishing through a hole in the ice or something.

Jenny McCarthy

What attracts you about the photos of Stephen Klein and Peter Lindbergh?

Oh yeah, I love their stuff especially Klein’s work for Italian Vogue. I love the classic photographers, including Richard Avedon, Irving Penn and Patrick Demarchelier. I’ve got probably 350 photography books from pinhole to modern day. Film was tough to shoot on, mostly black-and-white film. Color is easy but when you shoot black-and-white, you got to know your tones to get a great image.

Gwyneth Paltrow

Your black-and-white portrait of Gwyneth Paltrow is high in contrast with the middle tones washed out. Do you like that kind of tonality?

My best medium is black-and-white. Back in the day, there used to be six grades of printing paper from 0 to 5. I would always print on grade 5 so that the blacks were black and the whites were white and there were no gray tones. I got all my black-and-white prints hanging up in my house and all of them are printed real contrasty: jet-black blacks and white whites, there are no mid tones or grays in them at all. That’s how I like my black and whites.

How did you get the assignment on the book China: The New Long March?

A book publisher in Australia asked me if I would shoot for the book on China. They work with Chinese photographers and I was the only photographer from outside China. It was about re-tracing Mao Zedong’s long march. I don’t exactly remember but this book was the 75th year of the Long March. Each photographer had a section of China to shoot and I was in Chengdu and went up to the snow mountain.

Barry Manilow

What’s on your bucket list?

I want to travel more. I want to go to different parts of the world. There is an Indian festival called Holi where all the colorful powder is thrown over everybody. I love to go off and do these adventurous things. Maybe photograph Queen Elizabeth II!

Would that make you nervous?

No, no. I got nervous with only Mandela because he’s one of the biggest icons in the world. That’s the only time in my career that I’ve ever been nervous. You have protocols to follow and how you address her and that’s a bit nerve-racking, but the photography side wouldn’t bother me at all and I’m sure I’d make her look beautiful.

John Hurt

How did you get Halle Barry to do that risqué pose for the magazine covers?

It might have been for the X-Men movie that she was in. She was known in America but not really in Europe. This was for the FHM (For Him Magazine) and I talked to her manager and said I want to shoot her naked because I want to create a stir. And that shot went on to 22 FHM covers around the world. And it helped her get recognized in Europe!

How do you get celebrities to trust you?

The press representatives usually know who the photographers are and so do the celebrities. It’s easier now with digital as they come and look at the monitor and see the picture the instant you click the camera. I always make sure that the first picture is a beautiful, beautiful image and straightaway you have them in your pocket and they trust you.

Lagoon Jewels

Should photographers have an agent?

I’ve never really had an agent in the past. My ex-wife used to run my business and when we split up, I did my own thing. I go from jump to jump by word of mouth. I took on, Joanna Flores as my agent recently.

The problem with agents is that photographers rely on them to get work. When I’m not working, I’m in my office with my staff looking for a job and what the next thing is to do. Right now I have reached out to Air New Zealand, cruise ships including P&O Cruises, Discover Ireland, Alaska Airlines, Visit Britain and something very dear to my heart The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya.

Doobie Brothers

Have you shot covers of magazines in the US?

I’ve done a couple of covers in America but the most of my covers when I used to shoot for them are European publications as they are more risqué. I can do nudes on the cover of German GQ and that’s acceptable. With the European magazines, they’re not so set in what they want whereas here if you shoot for Cosmopolitan, it has to be on a white background or a yellow background, the lighting has to be the same, etc. So every cover looks the same just that it has a different person. This is boring to me.

Linda Evangalista

How has celebrity photography changed in the last 35 years that you have been in it?

I think social media is hurting it a lot. The celebrities can now shoot their own pictures. If Ronaldo comes out with a new soccer boot and puts it up on his Facebook page, he gets 3 million hits or whatever! Social media has changed the way the celebrity thing works now which never used to be the case when I was actively shooting. Now with iPhones, it is more accessible for everybody. The paparazzi are videoing the celebrities and then it’s all over online.

Do you think still shooting will go away and everything will be on video?

No, there will always be a need for [still] photography in some sort.

Do you use social media to get work?

I’m not into social media. If you look at my Facebook page, I got about a thousand followers. I don’t really care about social media. I do it because my daughters ask me to. My office posts stuff. I’m not bothered about it. It doesn’t make or break me, and it doesn’t get me work. A lot of people rely on it to get work, but I don’t think it’s going to get me one job. I can use social media to say this is what I’ve recently done if you want to look at it.

Brush Company

Do you shoot selfies with celebrities?

No, never. I don’t have one picture of me with a celebrity. Not my scene. If a celebrity wants to do a picture with me, I do it. I don’t like having my pictures taken. I don’t think I look great in pictures.

Magazines are folding up, and in 10 years there might be very few left. How will that work for you?

In 10 years there won’t be any [printed] magazines. Everything will be online. I get 50 magazines delivered to me every month. It’s nice to flip through them, and you don’t get that same feeling when you do it online. I like to rip pages out and reference them, so I hope magazines never go away.

Jeff Gordon

So if you hadn’t made it as a photographer what would you have done?

A racecar driver! I don’t know, maybe because of the McLaren [British sports/racing car] name or whatever it was, but I always wanted to be a racing driver of some sort. That was my dream, and then I stumbled into photography by sheer chance. But I am a fanatical Formula 1 and motorsport fan and would have loved to be a racing driver.

Brooke Shields

You have been shooting for almost 40 years. Does the word retirement ever cross your mind?

No, not at all. I love the business too much. Every day I wake up I kick myself because I can’t believe I am in the business I am in. I get to travel the world extensively, and meet great people, from Nelson Mandela to Tina Turner to aborigines in Australia. I have an amazing life, and I am just a boy from London from a working-class family. You couldn’t even get these experiences if you are willing to pay for them. I feel I am blessed in life and it couldn’t be any better. Even now I get excited as every day you don’t know what you’re going to do next.

You can follow Richard McLaren and see more of his work on his website, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Vimeo.

About the author: Phil Mistry is a photographer and teacher based in Atlanta, GA. He started one of the first digital camera classes in New York City at International Center of Photography in the 90s. He was the director and teacher for Sony/Popular Photography magazine’s Digital Days Workshops. You can reach him via email here.

Go to Source Author: <a href="http://ift.tt/2rSvwoU Mistry</a> If you’d like us to remove any content please send us a message here CHECK OUT THE TOP SELLING CAMERAS!

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August 04, 2017 at 10:02PM

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