#so called intrusive thoughts but they're really just like advice or jokes or whatever sometimes a lil scary too but yeah
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unbelievable how many things are clicking into place. i can't put them into words right now though there's too many and they're slippery
#my stuff#adding on as i collect:#feeling like I'm barred from my own sexuality#not remembering events and needing people to remind me#lifelong identity issues#the way my ex literally lives in my head rent free and i thought it was twin flame telepathy or something. ngl i still believe in telepathy#like just in general being able to communicate with people in vibes but. that's beside the point here i think#back to the point: my strategies of coping with bad situations being basically 'whatever I'll just dissociate'#so called intrusive thoughts but they're really just like advice or jokes or whatever sometimes a lil scary too but yeah#NOT EVER FEELING CONFIDENT STATING ANYTHING ABOUT MY BELIEFS OR ATTRIBUTES BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS CHANGE...............#the fucking literal maps i used to draw like bro...#i didn't think it was MINE i thought it was like a spiritual structure of the universe or Something. very embarrassing.#sorry for putting it all out here like this. i just want it available later#also i just deleted my tags on another post without really thinking about it but literally yesterday i was still talking about how i#'see myself as one person its just a loose definition of what an identity is' like i tie my identity to the body no matter what#that's another thing like. that time i learned to Trust the Body above all else#i didn't really understand why i was even having trouble with something like that#but also i somehow thought it was normal#more or less#feeling like i was a different person based on who i was talking to. i thought i was just masking autism or like idk mirroring y'know#looking for ways to talk 'to myself' and i had a requirement that it needed to have an option to reply like a friend in a chat could#like just messaging myself wasn't good enough#looking back it's so... like.. this makes a LOT of sense#THE WAY THAT FILLING OUT PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENTS FEELS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INTOLERABLE#like i can do a basic one because. we have learned. but it's torturous overall#some of our past experiences with 'synchronicity' taking on a whole new meaning ..#definitely there's still god and magic involved though#in some but not all instances of synchronicity
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