#so basically i got into objectified today as i said in the post

[viothesilly]

i bring to you: stonker sheet

an image that i took like 2 minutes to make because of something involving the friend who ended up being a big reason why i decided to get into objectified 🤩 (hiii @wacky-theater-kids)

(EDIT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO ADD THIS 🥲 I'M SO SORRY: @wacky-theater-kids WAS THE ONE WHO MADE THE TRANSPARENT (like not the art itself, they just made it have a transparent background ^^))

[redheadbigshoes]

hiya, 🌻 here again~

I just got annoyed by a post's insinuation today that saying the bi lesbian label contributes to men going after lesbians is biphobic and that bi women should be allowed to appropriate our label to help keep men away from them when MEN GO AFTER LESBIANS REGARDLESS they want to abuse us and sexually assault us and saying youre a bi woman who doesnt want men to bother you by appropriating lesbian identity doesnt help either of us!!!!

appropriating lesbian identity is lesbophobic because there is real intercommunity abuse from bi women towards lesbians i have had it literally happen to me, I had been peer pressured for weeks by bi women in one of the first queer spaces I came out in about if I'm 'really not attracted to men' and 'just holding myself back' and gaslight and objectified to my face by them (including one of them that I was dating at the time) and bi men that were there and I'm already a trans woman I have very few places where I'm respected as myself and to be hurt like that has forever scarred me.

And I dont want bi women to be 'free to be abused by men because theyre available to men' i want bi women to stop pretending they are like me when they do not experience life or my struggles like i do! and can contribute to them! i want to help bi women to not have to worry about men pressuring them when they dont want it no woman deserves that but i wont let them appropriate my identity in the process when bi people have the position and ability and sometimes the inclination to replicate that lesbophobia against me!

Sorry I just read a post where someone basically said 'bi women should be able to call themselves lesbians if they want to avoid men' when that literally helps noone and they have literal power they can wield over me as a lesbian who is not attracted to men and suffers for it. Yes we both suffer violence from men who dont respect women's autonomy but you don't get to appropriate my identity because of that it doesnt make anything better.

anyway rant over! I hope things go well for you with the gal you met recently ❤️❤️❤️ wishing you the best!

Heyy

It’s SO frustrating not being able to complain about lesbophobia in the LGBTQ+ community because every time we do this we’re accused of being biphobic as a way to silence us and normalize lesbophobia. Meanwhile I see a lot of bi people generalizing lesbians and hating on us and NO ONE cares about this but lesbians.

People assume lesbians wanting everyone to understand even though we’re sapphics just like bi/pan sapphics we still have unique experiences that they don’t understand and never will! Just as they have unique issues and experiences us lesbians don’t understand and we don’t push and pressure them to be included in bi spaces…

I truly wish people in the community stopped treating the lesbian label as an umbrella term. We already have sapphic. I feel like a lot of these discussions usually come from people assuming lesbian = sapphic so that’s why we should include all sapphics in everything.

All these people you mentioned don’t care about lesbians at all and they don’t even hide that lol they desperately need to understand not everything is about bi sapphics and that lesbophobia is a real issue.

Thank you! I also hope it goes well hahah! At least we’re still talking. I hope you’re having a good day! ❤️

[tuiyla]

I was reading the reasoning behind why you chose Quinn as Catherine Parr for your Glee Presents: Six the Musical gifset and you said she has a brand of white feminism. Why do you think so? 🤔

Oh man that's kind of a big topic that definitely deserves more of an answer than I'm able to give right now, but if I save this ask for later I'll just end up never getting to it. So I hope you don't mind me giving a sort of half-answer with the potential of further elaboration in the future.

To be fair, in my mind I conflate Quinn's brand of pop feminism with more specifically white feminism a lot. But what I mean is that Six's well-intentioned but ultimately kind of flat message conveyed in Parr's song reminded me of how Quinn gets "woke" after getting pregnant. You know, the "boys objectify us all the time" and "women earn less than men" sort of thing. And to be clear, those are correct statements. The Glee guys objectify the girls all the time. The show does too, in fact. And women do statistically earn less for the same work. But these are the sort of "water is wet" generic statements that teen shows attempting some sort of feminism would say in 2010 without actually exploring patriarchal issues in any sort of depth.

The way I see it, Quinn became Glee's spokesperson for feminist phrases that often aimed to do one of two things. A) genuinely try to highlight an issue or B) poke fun at pop feminism and use the rich white girl who always ends up centering her life around men to do it. The problem with A), like in The Power of Madonna, is that Glee doesn't even get close to saying anything useful about issues it highlights and solves sexism with the boys singing What It Feels Like For a Girl. Okay? Now, that isn't on Quinn, but when she's so often the mouthpiece for meaningless buzzwords and generic statements of the kind of #girlbossery that 2010 took seriously but we make fun of now, it's hard not to associate it with her. And in the case of B), such as her wild Gloria Steinem spiel in I Do, well it just feels disingenuous for a number of reasons, and this is the part we probs don't have the capacity to get into today.

But what I'm trying to say is that Quinn was given so many of these #girlbossery lines and, when I rewatched season 1, I realized just how many of them also reeked of what we'd now recognize as white feminism. And far be from me to downplay Quinn's trauma and struggles, but she just ain't the girl for intersectionality with her WASPy background and distinctly feminism 101 approach to things. Maybe this is more of a vibe I get from her, and to be clear I blame the writers entirely, but I've talked to others who got this same vibe from her statements. I think any sort of feminism Glee attempts is also white feminism, though, so again I'm not blaming Queen Bee Quinn the ch. It's just the vibe that she'd point out the wage gap, something that doesn't actually affect them in high school, but ignore racist made at the expense of Santinacedes. I also get the vibes that, in-universe, even her feminism 101 only comes post-pregnancy when she experiences just some of the discrimination women like Mercedes have always faced. I mean, I love Quinncedes do not get me wrong. And this whole post feels like I'm dragging Quinn when I'm not lol. But they explicitly make the parallel of being black and pregnant in Quinncedes scenes and it's like, girl.

It's a Man's Man's Man's World, basically. Watch that performance. That's what I mean. And like I say it's sort of intentional on the writer's part but it's also sort of just how Glee operates when it comes to gender dynamics and (the lack of) intersectionality.

[headcanonsandmore]

My apologies for the late reply but I have been busy most of today.

While this is partially true with the Moffat era, it's also fairly common throughout much of the modern and classic eras (albeit less so in the classic era due to the lack of a online fandom where ideas could be discussed with relative ease).

The Ninth Doctor's era was considered decent but unnessecary for new viewers to watch for a good decade. There's a reason that the "don't skip Nine" phrase became such a meme on Tumblr in the late 2010s, because so many people were recommending that new fans skip the era that fans of Nine got understandably sick of it. Like I said, a reappraisal happened as time went on. Ten is basically the only modern Doctor incarnation that this hasn't happened to nearly as much, but even Ten's era had a sizeable portion of the fanbase insisting that it was the worst era of the show ever.

In the classic era, while it was less common due to (until the advent of home video in the 1980s) a lack of re-watching of episodes, there were eras that were regarded initially as lacklustre before becoming seen as some of the best eras of the show. I'm thinking especially of the Second Doctor's era (which was considered by some fans at the time as less impressive compared to the First Doctor's era due to Two's more comedic character) and the Fourth Doctor's era (which was also considered a step down due to Four being very whimsical compared to Three, and with certain sub-eras within that era being considered too violent and scary for younger audiences). The same thing happened in the eighties, with many fans feeling frustrated with John Nathan-Turner's time as producer of the show during that decade. Like I've explained, every era and incarnation goes through periods where it is considered "bad" or "lacklustre" compared to its predeccesor, before being reappraised later on and being reviewed on its own merits.

Now, I personally didn't like a lot of the Moffat era, but I recognise that has more to do with a personal dislike for the way Moffat wrote the show than as a sign that the whole era was objectively bad. There are many episodes within that era that I enjoyed. Just because I have my own biases when it comes to certain Doctor Who eras, that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy each one on its own merits. Having watched the vast majority of Doctor Who, I've grown to appreciate the differences in how each era operates and what each sets out to achieve.

I'm not "defending" the Chibnall era; it has its issues, just as much as any other era of the show does. I made the original post because I think it's unfair to judge one era of the show by the standards of another. It would be like judging "An Unearthly Child" (the very first Doctor Who story) by the standards of -say- "Earthshock" (the second-to-last story of season 19).

That doesn't mean that I agree with everything in the Chibnall era; far from it, I personally think the thesis of "Kerblam!" was rather muddled, since the point of the episode is supposedly about AI but most people ended up seeing it as being about Amazon and late-stage capitalism. And, obviously, that stuff from "Spyfall Part 2" wasn't thought out and does leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Every era of Doctor Who is going to have things in it that either are not thought out properly or age badly very quickly. "The Talons of Weng-Chiang" was considered racist and distasteful even at the time it was broadcast during the Fourth Doctors era. The way Tegan, Nyssa and Peri were objectified during the eighties was unpleasant and troubling, to say the least. The first RTD era had significant issues when it came to how Martha Jones and other characters from minority backgrounds were treated. The Moffat era had significant issues with misogyny and the treatment of female characters throughout.

I'm confused by what you mean by "centre-right libs". I'm given to understand that "liberals" tend to be more of centre-left in American politics. Now, if you are British, you'll probably know this already (in which case you'll have to forgive me for the explanation), but our political system tends to be slighly further leftwards. We do have a Liberal-Democratic strain of politics, but they tend to more centre-left and are considered a distant third party compared to the broadly left-wing Labour Party and broadly right wing Conservative Party. While I would say that Moffat is more right-wing at times (especially so when regarding his treatment of women), from what I can gather, no-one seems to be able to agree on the political undercurrents of Chibnall's work; some people regard him as being very progressive (given that he had more writers from minority backgrounds in his writing team than both RTD and Moffat combined, and included many queer characters throughout the era) whilst others regard him as rather conservative. Personally, I'd regard as centre-left (by the sounds of it, he took the criticism from "Spyfall part 2" on-board and worked hard to correct that in series 13).

Looking at the era objectively, what I can say is that the Chibnall era was an era of Doctor Who, and that it was liked by some people and disliked by other people. Any other statement would be subjective.

My original post was more about how the Chibnall era was seen by some people as very serious despite having plenty of fun moments. My apologies if that wasn't clear.

Please be considerate that I don't particularly enjoy discourse; I made the original post as a joke and it wasn't intended to upset or offend anyone.

Some people online: So glad to see Doctor Who being fun and campy again! This previous era was too serious!

The previous era:

[nyx-lyris]

BTS Unpopular Opinions

alright - it’s bts unpopular (?) opinions time 

1. the james corden drama 

to say army overreacted to james corden’s tweet is like saying jar jar binks is considered a mildly irritating character by the star wars fandom. army’s reaction to his tweet was completely uncalled for and immature. 

for reference, the tweet in question read, “the united nations general assembly kicked off this morning in new york city and it started with some pretty unusual visitors - bts were there. historic moment. it actually marks the first time that 15-year-old girls everywhere found themselves wishing that they were secretary-general antonio guterres.” 

my understanding is that army got upset because james corden appeared to call army a bunch of fifteen-year-old girls. this comment was clearly sarcastic and meant to be taken as a joke, and army reacting the way they did was, as i said, uncalled for and immature. as james corden himself said, he is an army and an extremely enthusiastic one at that. he was making fun of the overzealous teenage girl stereotype often associated with artists like bts, one direction, the beatles, michael jackson, elvis, etc. again - he was making fun of the stereotype. he wasn’t trying to insult anyone. 

i am aware that the interviewers and show hosts that bts gets - in both korea and america - can be annoying and even outright rude and condescending at times. but james corden is not one of those people, and this reactionary mindset that army seems to have when something like this happens - whether someone makes a joke about bts, or someone expresses that they don’t like their music for one reason or another, or something else entirely - is extremely toxic. 

it also irritates me that namjoon appeared to be siding with army and their toxic reaction during the interview where this was addressed, and that everyone started laughing when james told the audience that he had received a comment that read, “i hope you die today.” how is that in any way funny? if someone sent that kind of comment to bts, army would be screaming - but because james corden made a joke that the fandom found offensive, it’s okay to send him death wishes? i don’t fucking think so. 

2. war of hormone 

war of hormone is not misogynistic or sexist in any way. it did not objectify women - it was just a song about a teenage boy (or several) noticing a girl, calling her sexy, and noticing the beauty of her physical appearance. as much as modern media likes to state otherwise, there is nothing wrong with that. especially if fans of bts and other kpop groups are allowed to make video compilations of them being sexy, make thirsty comments under their videos and post, lose their shit every time they show even a flash of skin, and read and write entire fucking books of smut imagines about them, i think bts - and other kpop artists for that matter - should feel free to make songs like war of hormone and others. either both men and women can do that, or neither of them can - that’s called equality, and i’m sick of people acting like men can’t express any kind of sexual interest in women, but women can express as much sexual interest in men as they like. 

3. taekook and jikook

this one is not as serious as the others, but it still bothers me, nonetheless. 

why is it that when people make fanart or write fanfiction about these couples, jungkook is always the dom? jungkook may have the whole bad boy package - i mean, he wears all black, he’s got a sleeve of tattoos, he works out - all he’s missing is a motorcycle and cigarettes. jimin may have a more feminine look than the other members. taehyung may be more into art than working out and exercise. but if you actually watch the footage of them - how they act and what they have to say about themselves and about each other - it’s clear that jungkook is not a dom. 

the other members, as well as he himself, have said that he is the baby of the group. the band basically raised him from the time he was fifteen - including taehyung and jimin. he is the youngest in his family. he is always acting like an adorable little muffin around them. i cannot count the number of times i have seen compilations made by fans of jungkook “being a baby.” just because he works out and has tattoos doesn’t mean he’s a dom. far from it. 

also, jimin and taehyung very intentionally flirt with the camera and act sexy on stage. when you watch jungkook, you can tell that - for the most part - he’s not trying to flirt with the camera or anything like that. he’s just performing, and he happens to look sexy while he’s doing it. jimin and taehyung know their power. jungkook doesn’t. 

anyway... so ends my rant. feel free to comment and agree/disagree with me. 

[sunnybeas]

saints in chains

Chapter One of Saints In Chains- wait out the plastic weather

summary:  Gavin meets Connor's little brother and finds out love at first sight is real  

cross posted on ao3

The first time Gavin Reed sees the RK900 he doesn’t have time to really look at him. It is an active crime scene that’s taking up the entire street and Gavin holes himself behind the barricade with Chen at his side. Teeth grit and hand sweating as he gripped his handgun, he only sees a white blur stride by and hoist itself over the barricade.

A curse is halfway out of his mouth because of course a civilian would get cocky and bolt but no- the damn thing rips the door off the hinges of a car and surges forward. And Gavin is sitting there, mouth open, in full view of the shooter. He drops down beside Chen again, who is equally as fucking gob smacked.

“Did you fucking see that?” Gavin demanded.

“Of course, I did! Did Fowler hire a fucking Terminator? What was that?” she asked back, rolling to her knees to peek over the car again.

Gavin scooted in next to her, eyes squinted. He felt like an idiot, gawking at the figure in white sprinting forward, car door acting as a shield and taking all the spray. It takes a leap and absolutely bodies the shooter, tossing the car door aside like a dinner plate. Its hand crunches the AK in its hand, and it misfires in the shooter’s hand. The fucker screams as the figure lifts him and slams him onto the concrete, knee on his back, hands pinned there securely.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit- “Gavin chanted, because the figure looks up and he’s half fucking sure he recognizes Connor’s smug little face. It’s different, though, and Gavin can’t quite pinpoint how because of the distance.

“Well done, see, I knew he’d do well.”

And that- that’s Connor’s peppy voice from behind him. Frowning, Gavin spins on his heel.

“What the fuck is happening here?” He asked, sharply.

Connor and Anderson were dressed all up in their vests. Gavin snorted at the sight of Connor in his. He had seen the android take more bullets than he could count. Had almost put one in him more than a few times.

The LED in Connor’s temple spins yellow briefly. “He has minor abrasions. Otherwise a near perfect introduction.” He smiled, too fucking bright and cheerful for Gavin, who was getting sick just looking at him.

“Con, dear, sweetheart, love, please make sense. What was that?” Chen finally cut in.

“My brother.” Connor replied simply, punctuating it with that dopey smile of his. His big ole doe eyes lifted past them and he rocked on his heels before starting forward.

Gavin turned to follow when he caught sight of their blur. And holy fuck. Holy shit, Gavin didn’t think they built androids like that. Connor’s ‘brother’ was a massive specimen, towering over the shooter, eyeing the suspect wearily with eyes so pale they may as well have been white.

It takes Gavin about five seconds to deduce that this thing, this android, was basically Connor on steroids. If that were something they could do, anyway. He was taller, a good foot or so, and he was fucking jacked, his arms thicker, shoulders broader. He looked scary as shit, his jaw sharper, wider, his eyes set in deeper and looking down at them all with those dead looking eyes.

He was hot. Like really, insanely, one of the hottest things Gavin had ever seen. And he hadn’t even looked his way yet. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. It. Whatever.

“Holy shit, just take a picture for your spank bank, creep.” Tina scoffed, elbowing him sharply.

“Chen, shut the fuck up.” Gavin hissed, his neck and ears burning at being caught checking out a fucking android. One with Connor’s face too.

The statement seemed to gain the android’s attention, though, because he looked up from Connor and stared directly at Gavin. Gavin couldn’t get a read on him, couldn’t eek the slightest bit of emotion from the thing’s blank ass face. His pale eyes flickered briefly over Gavin, almost sizing him up. Head tilted, eyes half lidded, the android regarded him for more than a few seconds. It was deliberate. Was it trying to intimidate him?

“RK?” Connor’s voice broke through and the android looked away from Gavin, finally, to return his attention to Connor.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Gavin cursed, turning on his heel to Chen. “Come on, we don’t need to be here anymore. Thing one n’ two got it.”

They started back to Chen’s patrol car. She widened her stride to keep up with how fast Gavin was walking.

Chen tossed her head back to laugh. “Look at you, lil’ Gavin Reed running scared from some sexy robot. Gav, did you see his pecs? Or his arms? Why did they give an android an ass that- “?

Gavin groaned. “I fucking saw! Cyberlife’s a bunch of fucking perverts. Holy shit, Tina.” He scrubbed his face with his hand.

Tina clambered into the driver’s seat, grinning. “He better be at the station.”

And fuck- Gavin hadn’t even considered that.

-

As luck would have it, God fucking hated Gavin Reed. He had just settled into his desk when Connor came striding in, Anderson at his side and leading their perp and the fucking Iron Giant trailing behind. Immediately Gavin looked towards Chen, who was practically vibrating in her seat. She shot him a grin and a wink before standing up from her seat.

Anderson spoke lowly to Connor before nodding and taking the perp to the back. Which left Connor standing there with his grumpy looking twin. Chen chose this moment to strike.

“Hey, Connor, who’s this?” She asked.

Connor beamed, clearly tickled fucking pink that someone was taking an interest in his little pet project. He lifted a hand and gestured to the android beside him. “This is RK, my little brother. He moved here and Fowler offered him a position. Today was his trial. I’m fairly sure he exceeded Fowler’s expectations.” Connor reported, absolutely glowing with pride.

Gavin snorted at his desk. Little? Little wasn’t a word to describe that ‘droid.

“I’m Tina Chen, nice to meet you.” Chen offered her hand, smiling politely in that way of hers. Tina brought out the good in everyone.

The android hesitated, studying her hand before taking it and shaking it carefully. “Nice to meet you, Officer Chen.” And oh- his voice was Connor’s but pitched lower.

It sounded surprisingly good. Fuck. Gavin hated him. Hated his pretty, stupid face.

“Gav, come say hi to the new guy!” Chen called, turning to face him with a wide, smug smile on her face.

Gavin decided he hated her too. No more coffee runs or donuts for her. She was dead to him.

“I’m good.” He said, instead.

Connor frowned. The big guy didn’t do anything, just stared. Shit.

“RK and Hank are going to be interrogating the shooter. I’ll be reviewing the footage if anyone has any need for me.” Connor informed Tina.

“Gavin and I can help with that!” Tina blurted out.

Connor blinked, clearly surprised. “You want to help me?” His eyes flickered uncertainly to Gavin, who was making a face, his middle finger up and pointed to Connor.

“I want to see that asshole getting his up close and personal.” Tina said. “Reed won’t admit it, but he does too.”

Gavin again held his middle finger up, though neither Connor or Tina were looking his way. He, instead, caught the attention of RK. And Gavin swore, he fucking swore, he saw the flicker of a smile on his face.

“Okay, that’s fine then.” Connor was still uncertain, but Tina was insistent.

He wasn’t sure why until they were seated all together, huddled up in front of the screen.

Seeing it from afar had been one thing but holy shit, seeing RK900 in action up close was a whole different experience.

“Holy shit.” Gavin rasped out, watching as he ripped the car door with his bar hands from the hinges. He sat tall in his seat.

RK hadn’t stopped, hadn’t faltered once as the shooter had let loose a barrage. He had just driven forward, expression drawn, brow furrowed. And then he had crushed the barrel of the gun like it were made of cheap plastic, ignoring the blast of the misfire and splatter of thirium on his open palm. He lifted the perp up by the coat.

“God, I wish that were me.” Gavin murmured, sinking into his seat. His eyes tracked how fluidly RK moved.

Tina choked out a laugh from beside him. “You’re a fucking mess.”

Connor frowned, so severely that his stupid forehead dented in from the faux wrinkles.

“Please don’t objectify RK in front of me.” He requested, weakly.

“Connor, where the fuck have you been hiding my teenage wet dream from?” Gavin demanded, emboldened by RK’s absence.

Connor’s head bowed and he rubbed at his temples needlessly.

“Gavin, that’s his baby brother!” Tina chided, smacking at his arm, though she wore a broad grin on her lips. She loved Gavin when he was in a mood like this.

“Baby brother my fucking ass, look at him- “

“You wish he were fucking- “

“I am literally begging you to stop.” Connor interjected.

“Listen, I’m trying to do some begging myself here, Connor, so help me out here.” Gavin continued.

Connor let out a pained groan and dropped his head completely into his palms in the same moment Tina let out a cackling laugh, her head tossed back.

“You’re intolerable.” Connor accused, shaking his head as he stood up. “I brought this for research purposes, and you’ve ruined it.”

“Wish your brother would ruin me.” Gavin mumbled.

Connor paused, his LED blipping red before he promptly turned on his heel and strode quickly out of the room. In his absence, the two dissolved into laughter.

“I think you broke him this time. Anderson is gonna be on your ass for traumatizing his boyfriend.” Tina snorted, wiping tears from her eyes.

Gavin reached forward and rolled the vid back, taking extra care to watch how RK had lifted the man with absolutely no effort. Oh. This might become a problem.

“If you’re done, Fowler wants to speak to you.” Connor poked his head around through the door again, frowning sourly at the screen and where it had paused.

Gavin sighed and forced himself to his feet. He tossed the remote Chen’s way.

“It’s not going to be as much fun without you.” She complained.

“Just enjoy the eye candy, Chen.” Gavin shrugged, following Connor down the hall.

Just looking at Connor, the differences between he and his younger counterpart were drastic. Their faces were eerily similar but RK’s had a sharpness where Connor’s was soft. Connor was clearly meant to assimilate where RK looked the complete opposite. Like he was meant to be identified as an android. What had he been made for that he was built that mean looking?

Hands shoved into his pockets; Gavin turned to the door of Fowler’s office. Knocking twice, he stepped in. Directly into the personal space of RK, who did not budge even as Gavin knocked his shoulder clumsily into his mid arm. And Christ on a fucking cracker, Gavin’s head barely measured to his shoulder. He swallowed hard.

“Reed, you meet RK yet?” Fowler asked, shifting in his seat just slightly to face him.

“Uh, sort of.” He took a long step back, hands curling to fists in his jacket pocket.

“Well, better get the introductions out now. He’s your new partner.” He paused, eyes squinting up at Gavin, waiting for the explosion.

RK looked down, extended his hand which was going to swallow Gavin’s in it. Even his hands were built big. Vaguely, Gavin wondered how they would feel-

“It’s nice to formally meet you. I’m RK.”

Gavin had been right before. This was going to be a big fucking problem.

[carrigerpigeon]

On THE ENFORCER ENIGMA

Okay, y’all.

We need to talk about The Enforcer Enigma because I have many, many problems with it.

I’ve been sitting on my feelings for this book for a month or so, after I got my ARC of it and I read it. It’s been hard to decide what I was going to say, how I was going to approach this. Like I’ve said before, my relationship with Gail exists in a liminal space between fan and friend, and is even more complicated than that.

I’ve decided, as both a fan AND friend, that I can’t ignore the problems in this book.

Which is where this post comes from.

When I first I heard it was dealing with the Selkie mob I was excited, because I loved how ridiculous they were in the short story and I think the concept is gloriously ludicrous. But this book overall felt very contrived, very basic, and very tone deaf in a racist way. The gay boys felt objectified and cookie cutter, and the racist treatment of Judd made me very, very upset.

I’m going to get to my issues with the treatment of Judd, as best as I can as a white person with a lot to learn, but I want to start with something I am able to speak better on, and that’s the gay characters in this book.

So let’s get into it. Spoilers, obviously, and lots of talk about systematic racism and homophobia, antiblackness, stereotypes, etc.

(Also, Gail, since you follow me on this blog and I know you’ll probably see this—READ THE WHOLE THING. Think about it. And then if you’d like to talk about it, you know how to contact me.)

This is going behind a cut, not because of the content but because it’s almost 6 pages long.

The Gay Boys

Okay. Look.

I love a catty, fabulous gay boy as much as the next queer. They have a space and a place in our community. But not EVERY gay man is like this IRL. Meanwhile, in SAS, it feels like every gay male character (or close to) in this series is a waspy, catty, faaaabulous gay. Isaac, Marvin, Max, Trick, even to some extent Alec and Bryan…they’re just all the exhausting waspy, catty, fabulous gay boy that we see exhibited heavily on Drag Race and other mainstream platforms.

And like. I get it. Colin is repressed and gay and wants to be a fabulous twink. That’s fine. But it just felt like he was slipping into the stereotype all the other gay male characters inhabit in these books, and that’s really, really exhausting.

Also, I am from the East Coast, where according to my West Coast friends we apparently grow gay boys differently. I can’t say with any accuracy how much of this is true. BUT MOST OF THESE GAY BOYS ARE FROM THE EAST COAST. They lived in Boston before moving to California. So why are they like this?

It feeds into this larger trend I’ve seen in Gail’s word with fabulous, savage gay boys—from Akeldama and all his drones, to Biffy, and even Lyall. Seen over the spread, it’s harder to sweep it away as just a “modern storyline” thing or a “California storyline” thing. It’s a trend, one which I find very uncomfortable as a queer person.

There is a place and space for Queer people to take back the tropes and stereotypes that have been used against us and write them our own way. But what I’ve seen as a longtime reader isn’t that. What I seem is lazy stereotyping and an overarching stereotype and characterization that feed into the larger the ways I feel gay men are objectified by female authors (no matter how queer the author is).

Many more people have covered this topic better than I, but it explains why I’ve felt so uneasy about this series from the get go. The sex and the relationships in these books don’t feel real—it feels objectifying. There’s lots of talk about big and strong sexy, muscle-y men but very little else. And while there is something to say about having a partner who thinks you’re sexy—that’s important, and I want everyone to have that…. this isn’t that.

These are muscle-y, strong, sassy gay men for cis white women to coo over on Facebook and feel good about. But to me, a real life nonbinary queer person, I feel uneasy and frankly uncomfortable with the objectification of them.

And since we’re talking about queer representation, after having a decent wlw spread in the Parasolverse there are two WLW (specifically lesbians) in SAS (Trickle and Pepper) and they (a) barely get any screen time and (b) feel stereotypical to me. And they are side characters, so I get it, but seriously?

And also while we’re on queer representation, there’s Mana, aka Manifest Destiny. Mana is the drag queen and arguable trans woman* who started off alright BUT was named after the colonization and violent taking of Native and Indigenous people’s lands and wrapped up in patriotism. Gail has said she made a mistake, that she meant her name to be Mana From Heaven, and that this would be addressed in the upcoming book (aka The Enforcer Engima).

It was not.

There is talk, from what I understand, this issue will be addresses in the upcoming short story about Mana and Lovejoy. But there are several throwaway lines about Mana in this book, her work in LA and her becoming a drag queen superstar (I guess akin to RuPaul?). So why wasn’t her name change discussed or even mentioned there?

[*Sidebar: Mana has been quoted as saying, “I suppose I should be transgender, under modern parlance. But I like drag queen. It suits me. I like the fabric roughness of drag, and the royalty of queen. It's a nice change to have the luxury of choosing one's own semantics, if not one's own situation." But whenever she appears, it seems she’s always in face/wearing false eyelashes/wearing women’s clothing.

I’m not going to police Mana’s trans experience because gender is a spectrum, and I as someone under the trans umbrella know that. But it feels…weird and off to me.]

Regardless of my sidebar, the name she was supposed to have, Manna from Heaven is…also sort of problematic? If I understand the reference correctly, it refers to the Biblical story of the food that God miraculously provided to the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. It means as a phrase the coming of unexpected benefit or assistance, especially when that benefit/assistance comes at the time when it is needed most. Which is what Mana is for the pack—she lets them live in her apartment in Book 1, she swoops in to save the day in Book 2. But it feels…very white and more than a little gross to name a character with Chinese and Japanese ancestry after something from the Bible.

And then there’s Judd.

Oh, Judd.

I really wanted to like Judd. The premise of his character was interesting, a Black, Pre-Saturation werewolf shifter, and I liked his cameos in the other books. But then we got a book about him, and it all fell apart.

Judd is a gay Black character, pre-Saturation, meaning he’s old as hell (from the Parasolverse time). He is objectified like the other gay boys, and there’s a lot of talk about how hard and strong his muscles and how sexy he is. He’s depicted on the cover this way.

And that’s…fine I guess, but gay Black men frequently have their bodies objectified as Black and muscley and strong. He’s also a pack Enforcer, so he’s depicted as not very smart and very violent. All of those are racist stereotypes that Black men deal with constantly, and they are racist stereotypes and tropes that are constantly hurled at Black men by the system and by society.

Additionly, Judd, the only Black member of the pack, is the only werewolf in the series to carry a gun.

A Black man. Is the only member. To carry a gun.

Yeah.

It gets worse.

There is mention of Judd’s backstory—very heavy inferences to Phineas/Soap (whose problematic naming convention and descriptors have been talked about especially by jhenne-bean ) being his mentor until he gets kicked out of Sidheag’s pack—but it falls very flat. I understand not wanting to write too much history of a Black character as a white writer, especially after tenuously connecting that history to the traditionally published series you’re Not Connected SAS To Not At All….

But.

Judd is over 150 years old.

He lived through some of America and Canada's worst racial discrimination, discrimination which would have affected him and his habitus and the way he moves through the world. He’s a gay Black man, and his gayness and his Blackness does not appear to affect how he interacts with the world at all. The police are called at the beginning and he’s OKAY ABOUT IT? AS A BLACK MAN? He basically says, “Thank God, the cops are here.”

You had a BLACK MALE CHARACTER SAY THAT when we’ve had a nationwide conversation since 2013, a conversation that has been reignited in the past three months?

Like????

And I was willing—perhaps whitely and naively—to give Gail the benefit of the doubt with Soap/Phineas. E&E was written in 2011, before Black Lives Matter was founded, before we began to have this nationwide reckoning with how Black and brown folks are treated systematically and especially by police violence. These conversations were definitely being had in 2011, but they were seen as fringe discussions and not necessarily part of the mainstream narrative as it is today.

However. It’s not 2011. It’s 2020.

It’s been 7 years since BLM was founded, and there have been countless discussions happening about racism and systematic issues in publishing and with white writers writing Black characters since that point.

Soap/Phineas has been mentioned or has cameo’d in The Custard Protocol and in Meat Cute. There’s been no conversation about his name or the way he has been described  And both he and Judd fall into the Caring-POC-Partner trope which has been discussed very heavily in romance circles and in ways I am not necessarily equipped to discuss in this post. But I will link to this post for everyone to read: https://medium.com/@ashiamonetb/queer-love-interests-of-color-and-the-white-gaze-8928b7b5e6ad

It’s 2020. These conversations have been being had, quite fervently, for many years, so there’s absolutely no excuse with how Judd is approached or treated in this book.

And here’s the CRUX of all this.

This book isn’t even really about Judd.

It’s about Colin.

Even though Judd is on the cover of the book, in all of his objectified Black body goodness, the plot of the story is about Colin. It’s very much entrenched in Colin’s issues with his family and his identity. Judd is there to take care of Colin and ~guide~ him and ~teach~ him things. To protect him. To be sexy to him.

See the medium article above. See the conversation about objectification above.

So if this book is SO MUCH ABOUT COLIN, why is Judd on the cover?

Why is Judd naked and glistening and Black on the cover of the story about the trials and tribulations of a white twink?

…Do I really have to say it? Maybe I do. It’s racist.

It might not be intended that way, but it is.

And look. There were parts of this book that I found enjoyable. I am still a fan of Gail’s wit and the way she writes. I’m a sucker for the found family trope, which all of these books have, and I really like Trick and Marvin. I’ve been where Colin is. I’ve fucked around with my gender presentation and been scared to out and fabulous or be perceived a certain way because I present a certain way.

But I’m really frustrated and frankly ANGRY with the racist stereotypes and gay stereotypes present in this book. It doesn’t feel like this was sensitivity read at all, by anyone. The book feels like a culmination of racist and homophobic trends that make me feel that Gail hasn’t been paying attention or listening to the cultural reckoning happening nationwide or in publishing.

And yes, there is a lot of “don’t idolize authors” talk, but here’s the thing.

Gail isn’t some anonymous author to me, someone I can just cancel and be done with.

Gail is a mentor to me. We’ve hung out at multiple cons, shot the shit about publishing, and talked about queer shit together with. We aren’t close, but she’s a friend (liminal space, etc). She gets a Christmas card from me every year, she asks after my partner when we chat. We’ve been in each other’s orbits for TEN YEARS.

I have this entire sideblog dedicated to her books, for fucks sake.

So when I read shit like this, it makes me upset. This book is a pile of microaggressions that stacked into a macroagression. It’s insensitive, definitely hurtful, and feels exceptionally tone deaf (AT BEST) to have written and released this book.

She has people in her inner circle who could have caught this if we’d been allowed to read it before hand, if we’d been a part of the beta process. But we weren’t. And it shows.

Gail, this is a message directly for you: You talk a lot about supporting people. You reblog lots of #ownvoices work and have been plugging a lot of #ownvoices fiction. I know (or at least hope) you’re a good person.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

Why is this book such a disaster?

Have you been listening at all?

And I get it, we all have things to learn and things to unlearn. As white ally, and as a member of the queer community, as someone in your inner circle and as a friend (liminal space!), I get it.

I’m also saying this isn’t ok.

This book that you’ve written is not okay. Not even a little bit.

Here’s the thing: you can fix it (or you can try). It’s gonna be hard and require difficult conversations and actions, but you can.

If you want to know more, if you want to talk: you know how to contact me. I’ll give you my number. We can email, Skype, Zoom, text, call, whatever. I know I’m not the only member of the Pigeons that feels this way. You have people here to help.

As for everyone else:

As might be apparent I have…a lot of feelings right now. I’ve loved these books for so long, made a friend (liminal space!) with the author through social media. Genevieve Lefoux, and Sidheag, and Aggie, and lots of other characters mean a lot to me. Gail’s books have helped me through hard times and hard places, and she’s influenced a lot of whom I am as a writer.

But right now having this blog, dedicated to all these books with this massive subthread of racism and stereotypes, feels…not great.

And I don’t know if I can continue to support Gail and continue to be a fan (and a friend) if she keeps up with this.

[preservationandruin]

Rhythm of War Liveblog, Part One Part Four (Chapters 12-15)

Previous Post

Onward! I feel like these posts are pretty long and don’t cover a lot, but then i remember that a lot of Part One every time is setting up what’s happening, and this one in particular we have an entire year’s worth of stuff to fill in, so I guess it’s warranted. 

Kaladin hangs out with friends against his will, I remember that Adolin is a Horse Girl, Mraize talks about the interplanetary economy, Teleporting Fucker is a Legendarily Sore Loser, I have high hopes for spren necromancy, and Kaladin asks Zahel for advice. 

We’re back to Kaladin, who is...not having a good time. He feels like he has to appear strong for Syl and the others, and not to let his problems affect them; he’s also hit hard by the feeling that Bridge Four is something that was in the past, not something that’s consistent and now. 

“Hey,” Leyten said as they reached the tower entrance. “Rock! Got any stew for us maybe? For old times’ sake?” Kalaidn turned. The word “stew” pierced the cloud.

Rock can’t, he’s busy, and Kaladin goes to his rooms--which are sparse and empty, even though he has pretty good accommodations--and tries to self-isolate, which...mood. He starts going into what seems like a panic attack (paralyzed, curling into the fetal position, thoughts spiralling to what Moash was talking about) when the door is near-literally kicked down by Adolin and Syl. 

(will i use this every time Adolin does things? probably) 

Adolin manages to drag Kaladin out of his room, in what is--honestly--a pretty good way to do it for someone who is depressed--he makes the point that Kaladin doesn’t have to be happy, he doesn’t have to pretend to be happy, but he should be miserable around other people. And he does it in just...a very Adolin way: 

“You spend too many evenings alone, bridgeboy,” Adolin said, glancing at the nearby exhaustionspren, then grabbing Kaladin by the arm--something few other people would have dared.  “I like being by myself,” Kaladin said.  “Great. Sounds awful. Today, you’re coming with me. No more excuses. I let you blow me away last week and the week before.” 

I love that “blow me away” is Roshar-slang for “blow me off” 

Kaladin tries to lash out and say maybe he just doesn’t like being around Adolin, Adolin dares him to say, with an oath, that he should be alone right now--and Kaladin can’t, because--of course--Kaladin shouldn’t be alone right now.

“Ha,” Adolin said, tugging him along by the arm. “Come on, Brightlord Master Highmarshal Stormface. Change your coat to one that doesn’t smell like smoke, then come with me. You don’t have to smile. You don’t have to talk. But if you’re going to be miserable, you might as well do it with friends.” 

This is so good. I think on some level when you self-isolate, what people want (or at least, what I want) is to have someone willing and able to drag you out of it despite the fact that you don’t want to be around people--and I’m so glad that Adolin is that person. 

Kaladin demands to know why Syl got Adolin of all people, despite that scene literally showing why Adolin was the perfect person to bring, and Syl responds that she needed someone Kaladin couldn’t intimidate...and, in the end, Kaladin ends up thanking her. 

And then we go to Adolin’s favorite bar, where Veil is waiting, where the gang just start hanging out--and Adolin and Veil start talking about trying to set Kaladin up with someone. This is about the moment where I crowed in victory, because while I didn’t see this specifically coming up, Adolin and Veil being drinking buddies who are a) overly-invested in Kaladin’s love life and b) end up talking about attractive people together IS something I called at the end of Oathbringer. Bi Disaster Drinking Club lives. 

(Casper, Adolin isn’t confirmed bi-- Listen. listen. give me this.) 

“Oh, don’t be sour,” Veil said, smacking [Kaladin] on the shoulder. “You didn’t even glance at her. She’s cute. Look at those legs. Back me up, Adolin.” 

I love all the Veil and Adolin banter we get here, because it only gets better--Veil asking for details of one of Adolin’s past relationships, Adolin trying to get out of it, Kaladin getting to enjoy time with his friends even when (maybe especially when) those friends are ridiculous. And then we also get another good moment of Adolin and Kaladin friendship when Veil goes off to gamble--Adolin asks Kaladin for advice for how to help Shallan with her own issues, but the advice Kaladin gives is also good advice for dealing with Kaladin, which Adolin knows and did on purpose. Kaladin asks why Adolin hasn’t become a Radiant yet, to which Adolin says that he’s not a good fit, he guesses--but the real reason, of course, is that Adolin refuses to give up Mayalaran. 

Listen--by not giving up Mayalaran, Adolin is proving himself the Edgedancer she deserves and I will die on this hill. 

And then things go back to being sad, because Rock is leaving--going back to his people to recieve judgement for breaking their rules by killing Amaram. He says he probably won’t be returning and hugs Kaladin, who gives him a few other members of Bridge Four as an escort--some of his kids, including Cord--the Shardbearer--stay in Urithiru. 

I deeply suspect this will not be the last we see of Rock, because there’s no way in hell, but it was both touching and really sad at the same time. 

We move back to Shallan the next morning, going through her day while Adolin is out horseriding; I can’t believe I nearly forgot Adolin is a Horse Girl, despite literally everything about Adolin being prime horse girl. Shallan gets a message about a spren coming to negotiate--probably one  of Sja-anat’s spren--and she visits her brothers as well, sketching by their fire. 

We get that she’s researched DID--or, the Rosharan understanding of DID--and the results haven’t been heartening, with people who have DID mostly being objectified and ridiculed. It also notes that memory loss is a common symptom, which Shallan notes she doesn’t really experience. 

Mraize shows up at her brothers’ house, both as a threat--his cover is an older soldier who is known to be clumsy and could, in theory, injure someone around him--and to talk to Shallan. We get more of the goals of the Ghostbloods--they’re trying to set up an Investiture trade across the Cosmere. Which is actually super smart--investiture is pretty easy to come by on Roshar, which is the entire reason Vasher/Zahel is there. I can see Nalthis in particular loving a way to sustain their gods that, uh, doesn’t involve sucking out souls. 

Mraize also basically confirms his mole is a lightweaver, which...I’m really hoping this isn’t the case, but I’m starting to suspect the mole is perhaps Formless, or a similar Alter of Shallan’s. She’s had some weird logic gaps that she doesn’t understand, and we just got the mention of alters maybe not able to remember what each other are doing. 

Now, I really hope that’s not the case, because that’s a tired old trope with DID--the evil alter ego. It’s really tired and awful for people who have DID, so I hope that’s not the twist here. 

Anyway, Mraize gives her her next job, which is going to find Restares--who is in the honorspren citadel of Lasting Integrity. Mraize says when she meets Restares, she’ll know what to do, and that once she completes that, she’ll get all the answers she could want from the Ghostbloods. 

We go back to Venli in Kholinar; a new group of Fused are here for bodies, and Leshwi is worried about one of them in particular--one of the fannahn-im, Those of Alteration. We meet the Nine, leaders of the Fused who are in pillars fused to the floor of their chamber, which Venli points out is just dooming the people whose bodies they took to a horrible form of entombment. 

Venli can feel Odium watching, which I responded to with “come on motherfucker, 1v1 me.” Listen, I would die, but what a way to go. 

The Teleporting Fucker--Lezian the Pursuer--is one of the Nex-im, Those of Husks, who are the Ninth Brand. He doesn’t defer to the Nine and claims Kaladin has to be Fourth Ideal because he “couldn’t be defeated by an ordinary human.” Which is hilarious, because he was. You were defeated by an ordinary human whose powers were blocked. Kaladin is just that good. 

Anyway, he claims he now has to go kill Kaladin because his whole deal is that he murders any human who kills him: 

“Milennia ago, Lezian was the first Fused to be killed by a human. To avoid the shame of such a death, upon returning to life, Lezian ignored all orders and rational arguments--and went into battle seeking only the man who had killed him.” 

So he’s a loose cannon who everyone goes along with because they can’t stop him and because he developed a legend around his stupid decisions? Got it. I’m really amused that this guy’s entire thing is just being Roshar’s Sorest Loser. Anyway, Leshwi disputes his claim and says that she has first dibs on killing Kaladin--Venli notes that Leshwi probably doesn’t even know that she’s trying to protect Kaladin. 

Guys, I can’t believe Fused war tactics operate on the dibs system. Also, this feels just like a continuation of my joke that everyone in this series has a type and that type is Kaladin. 

Anyway, then we meet the new lady who Leshwi is worried about--Raboniel, the Lady of Wishes. She was one of the Nine but stepped down to become more active; Leshwi talks about how she is a scientist without morals, whose plan the last Desolation was to release a plague that would affect Singers as well as humans and actually did, but fortunately didn’t have as great an effect as she hoped. So now biological warfare is coming onto the table. 

Raboniel pushes to seize Urithiru to strike against the humans; she created the anti-powers Fabrial and now wants to reverse the “Sibling’s heart” to nullify radiants in Urithiru, although she notes that Fourth Ideal ones could pull through--and she wants to experiment on the Sibling, who is effectively a deadeye. 

This is interesting, because we’ve already seen a deadeye start to respond to people--Mayalaran. Is spren necromancy going to get a day in the sun in this book? Please, please let spren necromancy through the power of friendship be a plot point. 

Anyway, Leshwi offers Venli to Raboniel as an aide, while wanting Venli to spy for her on Raboniel’s plans; Venli is happy about being on this strike, because she wants to see if she can find someone who can teach her how to be a Radiant. 

We also get this good note from Leshwi, which--to me--calls back the fact that there’s a whole narrative about if war can be honorable happening here: 

“Extinction is the natural escalation of this war,” Leshwi whispered. “If you forget why you are fighting, then victory itself becomes the goal. The longer we fight, the more detached we become. Both from our own minds, and from our original Passions.” She hummed softly to abashment.

We get back to Kaladin, who pushed through the worst of his depressive episode (although I would note that this could support the idea that something Odium-y is making it worse; now he’s in the Tower, it’s Regular Depression which he’s better at dealing with). Sigzil has now been put in charge of administration for the Windrunners; Kaladin tried to make it Teft but Teft was like absolutely not, fuck you for suggesting it. 

Kaladin goes to find Zahel, wanting to talk to him, and finds him doing laundry; on the way he talks to Rlain, who is overseeing people growing plants by gemlight and music, which is how the listeners used to do it. Rlain gets excited at the mention of an honorspren who will work with him, but when Kaladin explains the situation, he demurs--understandably. 

“I will wait for a spren who will bond me for who I am--and for the honor I represent.”

Rlain--in particular Rlain, who knows the experience of being forced into partnerships and jobs you don’t want--doesn’t want a spren who sees him as a burden or something that they don’t want to bond, and that’s completely valid of him. 

Anyway, Kaladin finds Zahel hanging up bright scarves in the laundry; Kaladin asks Zahel if he should join the martial ardents as a solution to what he should do next, noting that Zahel “couldn’t give up the sword.�� 

“Oh, I gave it up. I let go. Best mistake I ever made.” 

YEAH, AND NOW YOUR SWORD SON IS TERRORIZING ROSHAR, VASHER. 

Well, not terrorizing. Mostly it’s just with Szeth, who is...somewhere around here, probably. Somewhere Zahel is avoiding at all costs bc Nightblood would take one look at him and just start yelling. 

Zahel spars with Kaladin, fully exploiting the colored cloth around them and his own style of fighting while talking to Kaladin about why he fights. In the end, he says he can’t sponsor Kaladin--because Kaladin still loves fighting too much for him to really be an ardent. Kaladin also notes that Zahel fights like Azure--Zahel irritably corrects that she fights like him. 

God I really want to see Azure and Zahel on the same page. Vasher you can’t run forever. 

There’s also a meta discussion; Zahel talks about the different levels of invested beings, and how he’s had to update it from the time in Warbreaker he did the same thing. He notes that for people like him: 

“We’re spren masquerading as men. That’s why she takes our memories. She knows we aren’t the actual people who died, but something else given a corpse to inhabit...” 

So that’s both interesting and rather somber; “she” in this case is of course Endowment. I’m not entirely sure what to make of this bit, other than that it’s sad and interesting in that it draws a comparison with the Fused, who do a similar thing but instead of taking the shape/personality of the corpse they’re inhabiting, kill it and replace it. 

Also, I’m not sure Zahel is right, here, because Lightsong did remember his past as the story went on, and did remember emotional connection to people from his past. So there might be more there than Zahel is giving it credit for. 

[lailababar]

10 years ago I was home for the holidays and on my way from Lahore to Sheikhupura. My driver Shahzad was driving the car. We were driving fast because it late at night, the roads were empty, and we were young. A car started driving alongside us, matching our speed. We would go faster and they would catch up. And then they started flashing their lights at our car. When we did not stop the car, they tried to overtake us, and when that didn’t work, at 100 km/hr, they hit the rear of the car so that their car was wedged into ours. Then they started braking making our car slow down too. Once we were slowed, they overtook us and parked their car diagonally across ours so we could not escape. 4 men came out. It was like a scene from a bad Bollywood movie. 4 doors opening, 4 men stepping out, in my memory the time slowed down and every detail left an impression. 2 had rifles. They held them with both hands, and flanked the other two men. I recall this night perfectly because it is always playing, over and over, in my head. A loop recording from hell. One man rapped on Shahzad’s window, and when he refused to open the door they pulled out their guns and rapped again, this time with the butt of their pistols. Shahzad has told me to try to lay low on the backseat. He was in his 20s. I was 17. (When I look back on this I’m shocked that we were so young, but then again, you grow up fast when you grow up afraid). I did not have credit in my phone. I couldn’t make a phone call. I found his phone and called his brother. I didn’t know exactly where we were, I didn’t know how far from Lahore or how close to Sheikhupura. I was afraid and trying to find details in the dark. I had a blackberry and the BBM messenger was on. I messaged my cousin Sherdil on it and blissfully he replied. The sheer fear I had in this moment will never leave my body. I know myself as pre fear and post fear. I told him we had been stopped by 4 armed men. That they were talking to shahzad but it looked grim. He said he’ll send police officers out to look for us. We both knew the police would be too late, the details I had given were so vague.

I remember thinking of what I would do when the men had me. I had notions of bartering, of asking, pleasing, begging, them to not rape me in exchange for any amount of money they wanted. It’s odd how even in the worst moments of your life, you have time to imagine it being even worse. And then I heard a ‘thunk’. They had slammed shahzad into the car window with just enough force to convey their intentions. And then one of them said the sentence that haunts my every waking moment “bachi aur gari de do, tumhare se Kuch nai chahye”. Give us the girl and the car, we don’t need anything from you. They had a gun to Shahzad’s temple. And I was sitting helpless in the backseat of my car refusing to let panic set in. Refusing to show fear, never mind that I was alone. I heard Shahzad’s voice clear as day ‘nahin’ (no). The man hit him with the butt of his pistol and suddenly there were gunshots in the air.

This is the point where the panic seeped into my bones. I didn’t know what would happen next. And I hate the theory that there are infinite alternate universes and each of them have different outcomes for every scenario. I kept flirting between the present and a make believe future. Suddenly the car door opened. It took me a few seconds to realise it was Shahzad. My legs were shaking, my hands had tremors. He sat down, locked the car, and asked if I was okay. He joked about me looking afraid and I let out a nervous laugh and said no I’m not. When I looked outside there were a hundred people around our car. Some local man had had a few burglaries so he was on high alert for thieves. When he heard some commotion near his house he came out and thought his house was about to be robbed. And so he shot at us. The men who had stopped us thought it was our back up and got into their cars and sped away. And suddenly the whole neighbourhood woke up and was on the road. I had wanted to drive out of that area within seconds. Shahzad explained to me that those men could be waiting ahead to attack again so we had to sit and wait for 15 minutes. Enough time to have them get bored. To clear our path. Those 15 minutes were agony personified. It took every inch of my self control to not show fear, I’m sure I looked afraid, but I tried so hard to not show it.

And you know what my take away was back then? I’m so lucky. Lucky to have escaped. Lucky that that man thought he was being robbed. Lucky that there was no crossfire. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. And I was partially right, I was luckier than most. Definitely luckier than the woman who needed petrol on the motor way. (This incident was on the GT road btw, so CCPO sahab can fuck off with that). But you know what, as women are options shouldn’t just be terrified or broken. I was not lucky to have had men chase down my car and try to kidnap me. I was not lucky to worry about being raped when I was 17. I was not lucky to be in a country where basic safety is not just not guaranteed but it’s considered unnecessary. I was not lucky to have known that my clothes, the fact that I was in Pajamas would be talked about more than the men who were attacking me. I was not lucky to have been scared so bad, so early. I fared better than my counterpart did yesterday, this news story could’ve been broken 10 years ago with blurred pictures of my face. It was a miracle I survived. But I was not lucky to have been in that situation. And I hate that I cannot escape that night. Not even in my sleep.

I am still afraid of that road. I’m also afraid of dark roads. Im afraid when cars tailgate me on the highway. I am afraid when I notice the same car in my rear view mirror for more than 5 minutes. I’m afraid so often that it’s just another facet of my being. This happened 10 years ago and i am still afraid. And I am not alone. So many women have near miss stories, so many of us get followed home by men, so many of us have had to drive slower or faster to shake off the awful cretins that are Pakistani men. And we are all afraid. 50% of your population lives in perpetual fear. Does that not worry you?

I don’t want men calling for death penalties or stricter laws, the laws are strict, you just don’t implement them. I want men to worry about every word that leaves their mouth. I want them to think and rethink their sentences, weigh them against their guilt. I want all men to look at themselves like I did that night. Analyse your life to see what all you did to contribute to rape culture. Do you know even today I think I might have invited that attack. I was so ashamed to show fear because I believed that I had done something, laughed while looking at their car, or had my windows down, or something, to entice them. When we march, don’t play devil’s advocate. There is no dignity in contributing further to the plight of those already marginalised. Instead play our advocate. Use your arguments to fight with your male friends when they minimise rape, when they objectify women. Talk to each other and the women in your life about how you have contributed to life being harder for us. Don’t get salty about #menaretrash, instead understand that women are afraid. We have been for our whole lives. Your discomfort is not oppression. Be better and if you have harassers and rapists in your friends group, and we all know you do, call them out, refuse to associate with them, or at the very least don’t give them awards for bravery *ahem* ALIZAFAR *ahem*. Basically try and make life just a little bit easier for women, god knows we need it.

[lauriechardes]

Hard out here

I recently, scrolling across Instagram, came across the picture of an artist that  we all know for few famous songs such as Smile, Somewhere Only We Know or Fuck you : the great Lilly Allen. So I started listening to her music again, but not only to her most famous songs, as I listened to all of her discography and can defenitely say that I really like what she does (and that she is massively underated to me).

Following today’s lesson, and noticing that many of you posted on feminism and are interested of the subject, I want to talk about Lilly Allen and how she gets “Political” through her music and eventually talks about the representation of women (or just people in general) and other societal matters and issues. 

I wrote and highlighted on my notebook that Miss Grassy said “Singing give people a voice”. Singing is indeed a way for people to express themselves politically in a more or less implicit way. I listened to “Hard out here” by Lilly Allen in which she expresses how being a woman is a struggle as you are massively Objectified but also how people are expected to behave a certain way according to their genre. So in this song, she basically denounces a lot of stuff and specially what and how people think about the way women can be or are. But that’s in the way she does it that I actually think she is brilliant. She doesn’t complain angrily about the fact that women are associated with their sex life (which is always under judgment) or their physical image, but she says, in a very funny and witty way, during the chorus, that “it’s hard out here for a bitch”. She basically claims during the video that she is way much more than a body, that she’s got a brain and can handle her career perfectly well, still refering to herself and her fellow women as bitches. She goes on listing the expectations people have about others and then very bluntly says “and if you can’t detect the sarcasm, you’ve misunderstood” and she is by this sentence undermining all of the said expetation, showing how ridiculous they are.

The lyrics of this songs are to my opinion absolutely brilliant and fun. But as it wasn’t enough, the clip is even more, playing with the very vulgare and sexual image that women can be associated to as well as expected to act on. So she is here claiming that women can do whatever they want and shouldn’t be judge by that, but also provocating anyone who will disagree at the same time, by playing with the cliches and behaviours that can be considered “not ladylike” or not “worth of respect” for a woman. So here, she truly gets a voice (political one) by promoting women’s image in a quite unconventional way. And the message is important, but the way it is conveyed is just as much. I do really invite you to watch the video clip and pay attention to the lyrics, but also to listen to Lilly Allen maybe more, as she can be actually very political in her songs, but always with humour and casualness.

Link to the video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0CazRHB0so

[spicy-raddish]

so i watched 'the planet eater'...

(this post will contain spoilers)

Today, I rushed home and launched Netflix within the blink of an eye, filled with excitement to watch The Planet Eater. I have been a huge Toho fan since I was a child, and I would say I've enjoyed the previous 2 films, I'm just not sure how I feel about the final installment of Netflix's Godzilla series.

Here I will be discussing the aspects of the final movie that I feel were done well, along with the parts I felt were lacking clarification or purpose.

We'll start with the areas that I didn't like:

-We didn't get the monster battle that we were teased about, and I'm actually really upset about it. I mean, sure, technically Ghidorah threw some punches at Godzilla and he managed to throw a couple back at the end, but it was hardly the battle of the ages we'd all been expecting.

-The message of the film was quite fitting, I feel. However, I hate that it took such a pessimistic attitude toward humanity. It basically assumes there is zero chance for humanity to change its ways, even with the proper education. This is shown by Haruo just up and leaving with the Vulture without even attempting to talk to the others about why living simply would be better for them. He could've literally just explained what he'd seen and heard during his mental battle with Metphies and Ghidorah, and they would've all listened to him and probably stopped trying to modernise their society right then and there.

-Are you telling me that Haruo was sleeping with BOTH of the twins? He got Miana pregnant, but we saw him sleep with Maina in the cave so... Are they all just poly now? Are they cool with this? Do they even understand what's going on?

-The scene where it shows the survivors all going back down into the caves with the Houtua basically serves as "don't worry, the dudes are all still gonna get a chick each!" It literally doesn't show ANY Houtua men, it's just pairing all of the soldiers up with native women, which I thought was a bit objectifying.

-Haruo abandons his pregnant girlfriend(?) to go and Kamikaze himself into Godzilla, even though at this point Godzilla is just chilling and minding his own business. Literally, leave him alone Haruo, you bully.

-Ghidorah not actually physically being in their timeline was a bit of a cop-out. I get it, he's supposed to be this terrifying unbelievably powerful being but I was a bit disappointed with how he was handled. When he caused the people aboard the ship to discover they'd died before it even happened, that was terrifying and great, everything Ghidorah should be. But, as Godzilla's main enemy, it should've been more of an even battleground I feel. I think it almost made the battle boring because it was entirely one-sided.

-They kinda needed to expand on Godzilla's origins a bit more. The Exif said that their planet had suffered from creatures like Godzilla prior to being destroyed (by Ghidorah), so we know there were multiple "Godzillas" across different timelines and planets, but they're basically not given an origin. Aside from one line about Earth's Godzilla coming from radiation. That's it.

Now, onto things I actually enjoyed:

-Metphies. His characterisation was actually very believable. We always knew something was up, something always seemed unnerving about him, but the reality was really terrifying. Discovering that he, along with the other Exif priests, called Ghidorah to their home planet in order to sacrifice it was genuinely shocking.

-Yuko being braindead. That sounds harsh, but too often in these kinds of series' do people make full recoveries from fatal injuries, so it was refreshing to see the outcome be so dire in this case. Also adds to the believability of the situation.

-As mentioned above, the scene involving Ghidorah and the ship was fantastic. It was genuinely terrifying, seeing the crew realise that they were, in fact, already dead, seeing Ghidorah coiling himself around the ship with everyone entirely at its mercy, that was a great scene and it was everything great about Ghidorah.

-The scene where Ghidorah's shadow is decapitating people and taking off their limbs. Again, terrifying. If just his shadow is able to do this much damage, what can the real thing do?

So, in summary, I don't think it was a bad conclusion to the trilogy by any means, but it wasn't a great conclusion either. It was an enjoyable watch, but it left me with a lot of unanswered questions, and I was honestly expecting something bigger from the battle scene.

Still, as a Godzilla fan, I'm just happy to see my spiky radioactive boi actually getting some screentime in something.

[ofevies-blog]

[JEON SOYEON, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER] — i wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve seen [SONG YEEUN] around century records, though most people tend to call them [EVIE]. perhaps you’ve noticed the [TWENTY] year old with the rest of CHERRY KISS as a [RAPPER], but if you want to get official they’re technically the [MAIN RAPPER] of the group. on stage people always say they’re [JOCULAR] & [SELF-RELIANT], but off the stage you might notice they’re also [UNPERTURBED] & [OBNOXIOUS]. — [m, 21, she/her, gmt]

overly-glossed lips, high-waisted fishnets, addicting variety appearances, designer labels all over — and overflowing charisma ? that’s evie, main rapper of cherry kiss. if u wanna plot tap the heart or im me ! and check her pinterest out : x !

tw : slight mentions of sexual harassment 

these are gonna be real rough points until i finish all of her pages and flesh her out fully ! i have some driving to do today so i can’t be on my laptop for much longer ... so these might be all over the place ?

so the first thing you have to know ( and the first thing the public sees ) is that evie has a magnetic personality ... call her a siren, a femme fatale, an it-girl ... all of the labels fit her just right ... even without trying, she has charisma that naturally flows out of her ... 

think of lee mijoo’s posing outside of music shows ? those dramatic modelling poses she does ? ( here, here, here, ) that’s literally what i envision evie being like ... 

i also imagine her being as popular for variety shows as jennie and jooe ( from momoland ) are ... she’s loud and charismatic and isn’t afraid to act a fool ! i can really see her having viral moments and fancams just due to how she oozes charismas and charm ... very very into fanservice and in general just has so much confidence that nothing phases her ? doesn’t care if her skirts or shorts are too short like she’d dance her heart out anyway and oWN it

anyway so she was born in busan but her parents moved to canada ( quebec specifically ) when she was about two ? so she wasn’t in sk for that long

though she did visit in the summer and her parents did speak to her in korean so she is pretty on par with her korean, but she does struggle w it sometimes bc she was in a french/english speaking country for 14 yrs so she can get rough

her mom actually is a professor and has been dedicating her career to teaching korean to students all over the world and also teaching cultural studies so evie is very well-cultured and well-educated uwu

her dad is a lawyer

anyway growing up in canada left her very well-educated because she was exposed to a much more open and liberal country, so she is verykeen on feminism and sociopolitical issues and girl power - to the point century sometimes has to tell her to shut up about it to avoid scandals, but that.. badass female in charge persona is just something she exudes well, so cherry kiss was a perfect fit for her to ... show it without ... losing fans or pissing off too many people !!

but that being said she has a high potential to get into a scandal bc of it ... she’s very loud and opinionated and it’s hard for her to keep her mouth shut

she actually experienced some sexual harassment by male students and teachers at her school - not long-term abuse or an assault, just some really gross objectifying comments and unwanted touches. experiencing that for so long, she got very passionate about women’s rights so she puts her foot down whenever she’s asked to do shit she’s not ok with !! and she will always protect other idols who are asked to do the same kinda objectifying shit

and also she is so ... so persistent on OWNING her own body and her own sexuality so she does fanservice and acts sexy on her own time in her own way, she isnt afraid to be very sexual 

also is a hoe

very much a hoe

plot hoe shit with her

so she can be... a handful for century, a scandal waiting to happen fr but she is so damn talented it’s hard to let go of her

she is also super rebellious and breaks the rules a lot heh

she actually attended a professional dance and music training school in montreal from 4 and a half to 16, per her mother’s love of dance and the arts, so she is an extremely good dancer as well as an amazing rapper / vocalist. just very well-trained ?

that being said because of her Training and her education she can be very judgmental and nitpicky about ... everything. she won’t hesistate to comment on your lines and form, on your technique, your use of your head voice and resonance ... 

again just so fucking opinionated shut her up PLS

so yeah she can sometimes have a very obnoxious, know it all... better than u attitude heh ... 

she’s just very proud of herself shemeans well

also a cheerleader at the high school she attended outside the music school uwu ... veryflexible

very much an it girl all her lifeee

anyway she ended up finishing her music and dance training earlier at 16 due to her education and her talents, and her parents had always planned to bring her back to korea once she’d finished the school

so she came back to korea in the summer of 2014 and has been brushing up on her korean ever since, but she’s doing quite well due to her parents actively speaking to her. she finished her last years of school in busan upon returning

immediately upon coming to busan, she participated in a dance cover group and posted rap covers online ( having actively been watching them and the kpop scene in canada ) she was scouted off the videos, really, due to her talents and charisma

while she absolutely loves being an idol and adores the chance to dance and rap to her hearts’ content, she is constantly torn up about ... being in such an antagonizing, sexist, homophobic industry ? so she is constantly battling with that ... always kind of feeling like shes letting her mom, who is soooooo active in women’s rights, down - as well as other women

and yEA i need to flesh her out more but thats the basics heh

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

It's official....I'm lactose intolerant.

After these past few years trying not to go over the limit 🙃 I guess my stomach finally had enough.

And got sick from me eating too much cereal to replace my childhood comfort whenever I felt like shit and needed a hug....or cuddle after masturbation...

Sigh....this sucks. Now my honeycombs, pops, trix, and all my fruity, sweet, unhealthy friends won't taste the same anymore 😕

Soy milk and almond milk only really tastes the best with healthier cereals like brann flakes, ommggg brann.....I'm so used to her last name I typed it brann, instead of bran.

Almond with Almond crunch or honey bunches of oats, or honey nut cheerios.

Soy milk actually did taste great with Strawberry Kellogs Flakes. I introduced them to grandma when I was staying with her and she said liked it and that it didn't hurt her stomach.

I guess we do have something else in common now. My celibacy from milk. No wonder she kept drinking that watered down milk and furina. The calcium powder stuff. I had a cat by that name. I thought it cute. It was like the word ballerina, mixed with her white soft fur, and her striped. Her eyes were either grayish blue in the light, and red if you saw her in the dark under the moonlight. She chased me around the living room the first time mom brought her home. I was always scared of new things and expected her to just stay right there so I could pet her and look at her. I didn't expect her to move and try to get so close to my face, which I feared her trying to scratch me, so I ran 😅 Furina so silly.

Does that mean I can't eat pizza anymore? I love pizza too 😋🥲 it helps me when I crave pizza whenever I think about you know who...

My pride gets in the way.

I finally sucked it up and ignore Jay's voice telling me that to stop stepping over my boundaries....cause Jay always wouldn't let me like the same stuff as them when they were angry or sexually frustrated at me for being a jerk, just because I wanted an actual relationship with another person, because Jay didn't wanna date me and respect me.

That's why I felt like I was doing something bad just because I was listening to country music or watching their favorite movies or shows 🤔 its like whatever was Jay's was there's and I could only watch whatever they didn't really care about or like as much as I already did. They didn't want me to know them behind the mask, so maybe that's why they didn't want me to like something that they liked. Because they thought they owned it.

And everytime I would try to listen to a song or a show, like today, that i knew they liked. Doctor Who Episode 1, season 1. I kept hearing Jay say "get off of me", "that's not yours", "you're only watching it because I like it", "why are you here", and "why don't you just go away." "You're overstepping boundaries."

And the smell of Ayunna's sugar cookies and Black Forest gummies...Jay's pizza rolls, pop, beer, Smirnoff White Ice, pop tarts, gushers kicks in.

Why did everything they like had to be there's? And why was I kept so separated from them even before and after, and I didn't see it was so organized....the isolation. They made fun of my differences, controlled and criticized everything they thought I needed to get rid of: the food I shared, the music I shared, the new hairstyle I tried....they suggested I should get an undercut and they were the only person to never compliment me after I worked so hard to make it and everywhere else I went everyone liked my blue green twists. Jay never said anything nice. Just things to change or make it better in the way they saw it...

clothes, they thought I could do better even when we weren't going anywhere special. The only time I got a compliment was when I was wearing a crop top and they said they could see my bra. That's the reason they liked it. Objectifying me for my legs whenever I wore shorts.

shoes.....ehhh. nothing.

persistently talked about how weird and different I was because I was just so different. They just didn't understand how hurt I was to be invited over to watch something or eat something with then and I got comments and criticism...as if I was so unwelcomed...even though you were the one that even asked me to get dressed, put on makeup for you and to come over your apartment whenever you felt like it. You would even say mean, rude, disrespectful shit like "this is why I don't ask you to come over" "can't take yo ass nowhere" "I'm not inviting you over anymore" and "why are you calling me"

You sound just like Darius. The other bully I had to get rid of for telling me "I hope you and your family choke on dirty brown water." After he heard about the flint water crisis and I told him Steve harvey had got us on the show to film an episode about it.

He was a hater, just like you. Pushed me away and kept coming back just like you. On and off, on and off, on and off, on and off.

You were the worst piece of shit to ever call a friend, Jay. You hit every wound I ever had in the book, and some I told you about and then threw me under the bus after you kept hitting those same wounds over and over again like you didn't care, on purpose. Because you wanted to have your way with me, control me, humiliate me, punish me, just like your words, your blocks on phone calls, social media, and everytime I tried to talk to you afterwards. You've bruised me worse than Darius and every other thing that rejected me, abandoned and emotionally neglected me.

And everyday I have to fight myself back and live with it, the pain of everything that reminds me of us, you, and her. And I'm sick of it.

I'm tired of feeling stings in my side, my heart, betrayal in my back. The knife in my chest still stings. And you have no idea what it feels like, nor do you care. Fuck off. Fuck you. I'm watching Doctor Who, Willoughbys, and that post office Klaus movie, because you don't control me anymore.

You're just the image of everything that was, and what is no more. You're not welcome here. Just as you made me feel before. You were the 1st and the last to ever get this close to me. You're eliminated. You are a irrelevant, unstable, and a pain in my ass.

I was never rude to you unless I left, or if you started to piss me off to the highest tolerance. And I tolerated so much shit from you. I was so patient waiting for you to unblock me and talk to me each and every semester you have a fucking, baby tempur tantrum about me not not doing something you wanted me to do. I'm not your fucking dog, I'm not your fucking child, I'm not your overweight fuck buddy that you can just fetishize and use because you have a milf titty addiction. Fuck you insecure bitch, wanna be a manwhore but have double standards for women like a straight up misogynist.

WELL NEWSFLASH BITCH YOU STILL ARE A GIRL, YOU WAS BORN A GIRL, AND NOBODY CAN UNSEE IT UNTIL YOU STOP TREATING PEOPLE LIKE A CHILDISH ANGELICA FROM RUGRATS. CONTROLLING AND PISSING OFF PEOPLE FOR YOUR PLEASURE MANHO.

KISS MY ASS AND IDGAF IF YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME, GROW A DEEPER VOICE, AND GROW A DICK. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AS MUCH BALLS AS ME. CAUSE IM PROBABLY THE 1ST PERSON TO EVER CALL YO DUMBASS OUT. LEARN HOW TO BE A MAN THAT RESPECTS WOMEN AND DOESN'T ACT LIKE A JEALOUS BITCH JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS NEW AND DIFFERENT TO YOU. UNTIL YOU LEARN EMPATHY, HOW TO LISTEN, HOW TO EVEN REMEMBER, HOW TO BREATHE, AND HOW TO BE A TRUE, HONEST, CONSIDERATE, MORAL, RESPONSIBLE LEADER, LIKE MY FATHER. THEN I'LL SEE YOU AS A MAN.

TILL THEN, YOU A BITCH AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE. THAT GOES FOR ANY MAN, TRANS OR NOT.

IF YOU TREAT WOMEN LIKE THIS MITCH DOES, YALL ALLLLL BITCHES TOO. YO MOMMA AND YO DADDY TOO FOR NOT TEACHING YOU RIGHT FROM WRONG. YOU DONT PUT FEAR AND DISRESPECT, ANGER AND CONTROL, TO EARN ANYONE'S RESPECT. RESPECT IS LEARNED. RESPECT IS EARNED.

THATS WHY YOU AND HER DONT EVEN HAVE TRUE FRIENDS. THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU THINK YOU NEED TO RESPECT IS JUST YALL 2, AND FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE. IF THATS HOW YALL FEEL.

THEN YOULL ALWAYS BE ALONE. YOU STUPID, IGNORANT ASS, DUMB BITCH. FUCK YOU TWO DRY ASS, BASIC ASS BECKY, HOES. HOPE YOUR NECKS HURT FROM TALKING SO MUCH SHIT, YOU SOUND LIKE A DOG CHOKING ON YOUR ON YOUR PLASTIC DICKS.

YOU FUCKIN DILDO.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 14 - "This will be a fun finish" ~Amy

I'm so sorry Colin. I really thought you'd play your idol. I didn't mean to send you home, just weaken you. I was hoping to pick between Amy and Elle to send out 😬 

Sigh... I miss him 🥺 I think I'm gonna try to self-destruct this round. Keep you posted ❤️✨

Wait so Amy just told me they swapped the votes last minute on Anastasia, so she would've gotten 3 votes or something. Did nobody catch on that she had immunity then? 

Ahahahahaha fuck Colin somehow went home and it's partly my fault but it was a mix of a mess. Colin really believed jodi and jared were voting with him to get josh which seemed odd from the start. I have been talking and I think I know or as much as I can. I was the sole vote on jodi lol but I didn't get the memo to do anastasia until 859 and didn't have time to switch so I thought it would still be okay but somehow elle colin and I all voted differently lol whoopsies. Now I'm told jared used his idol on jodi but if Josh knee we were split I don't think he did. I think anastasia actually voted colin with Josh and Jared. Anastasia And jodi aren't budging that they voted elle so I guess jared could have given her the necklace to get colin. I am just so mad I didn't vote the same as elle 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm hoping josh believes elle used an idol so he votes with me and elle. I might need to use my steal this go and that would get it to 3-3 minimum and if Josh voted with me it would be 4-3 but I think Jared still has his idol. I am legit so sad about colin like I obviously flipped to save him and legit wanted him to win and I would come in second lol now I'm worried I won't make it bc Jodi is spreading I have an idol and obviously josh wanted to flush idols last round that's why he did that. I know hosht wants anastasia in his f3 but I'm just hoping he wants jared and or jodi out more but I think he wants me and elle out ☠️ the fact is if jared still has his idol he's safe now but he need to make it seem like we are voting him. I'm just so confused about the last one hahahaha I was going around asking like I'm not mad just confused lol. And I called colin before talking through everything and myself and elle I guess said I think we are fine ☠️ I can't believe it honestly just shocked. That's the thing like even when I said jared was lying to colin whichever round before colin was still trusting him and look jared did it again he is good at lying haha shooooot. This will be a fun finish. F6 and I just don't know how it's going to end. Rn I think I'd like any mix of elle josh or anastasia at the end WITH me but I won't be surprised if it's them but also elle said they might self destruct. So basically I don't know if I should use the steal and save my idol or just idol since I think it will be live. I guess if elle just says vote me out but like I need their number the next round. If I idol then elle votes with me next go, we'd be okay until 4. That's probably as far as I'm making it lol. That's my update 😭😭😭😭 sorry colin I wish you were still here

Nothing. This round really scares me because playing in the middle could really come back to haunt me. I wouldnt mind Jared leaving then i could have a better chance of winning immunity but at the same time all these advantages and Elle’s potential idol scare me. Jared revealed that i was the one who flipped last round but im reassuring her that it was just to flush idols.

My brain wheels are turning and Im realizing how scary this round is. Me Jared or Jodi will probably be leaving unless we play exactly right. There is a steal a vote so we cant split vote... So we would have to vote either Amy or Elle and pray they dont have an idol. Also Josh is with us now yayy!! And Josh talked to me about us voting to make a move not necesserily with everyone else so we can build our resume. We just need more info at this point. Elle literally told Jodi to vote her what. And Amy isnt talking to me that hard so I think Amy has an idol maybe idk 

OKAY! Amy has a single vote blocker and we don't trust Josh bc he voted Colin (even admitted it smh have shame man COLIN IS DEAD he's not dead but i do miss him hi Colin reading this❤️). I talked to so many ppl today why does everyone want me for my brain lol it's like the opposite end of objectifying someone 😂 I'M MORE THAN AHIGHLY DEVELOPED HIPPOCAMPUS, YOU GUYS 💔 jk jk anywaysss Video called with Jodi she is so sweet ❤️ also so stressed :( hate to see it also sorry everyone I told that I didn't have anything I didn't at the time??? But then Amy gave me her vote blocker so That's gonna be a thing tonight lol. Here's the plan: - Told Josh to vote Jodi bc he's too insecure of an ally now to trust that Amy and I are actually voting... - Jared, who may or may not still have an idol idk but he's annoying me with the question of it all lol use it or lose it at this point (but ty Jared for wearing pink all the way back 💖 still have not spoken to you sicne May lol) - Use the vote blocker on Jared's vote Any believes they're voting her and I believe that's likely! Who knows lol either way: 3 Elle/Amy 2 Jared 1 Jodi (maybe) Vote blocker used, now it's 2 Elle/Amy, 2 Jared, 1 Jodi Revoteeeee Elle or Amy, Anastasia, Jodi, and Josh get to revote (or something, i forget how this game works whatever I'm fine with whatever happens tonight and I'm bored of confessing oop! Amy just told Josh I have a vote blocker bc she transferred it to me 😂 and earlier I told Josh I didnt (bc I didn't) oml so help me I try to plan so enatly but then this game get messy anyway... xoxo, gossip girl

I am not sure what to do. I wanted to do a 3-2-1 on Elle and Anastasia, but it's so risky as Amy essentially can control what the outcome of this vote is. Elle and I had a weird call. they said that they "expected to self destruct in the early merge", and "feel free to vote" for them, they "don't really want to win". That's practically code word for "I'm going to idol you out of this game". Also, I studied the Stings series wiki to see that Colin has idoled before in a previous invisible round, so that's why I thought he'd idol here. I also realized after revisiting that today might actually be a reward challenge for information from the invisible round, since that's also what happened in that same season. We must be there for tonight, it's only 10 minutes (according to Amy) but heck, we got a plan anyways. 

Wow, my first written confessional! This is only because my video confessionals will take too long to upload, and I'd hate for Raffy to give me a strike. Anyways, things got messy today but the plan right now is to split votes between Amy and Elle. The goal is for one of them to go home while also getting an idol out of the game. The reason things got messy was because we originally proposed a 3-2-1 plan to Amy, but realized (1) she wasn't fully on board with us and (2) that we couldn't burn Anastasia like that in having her be the decoy vote. If Amy is actually with us, she's going to be pissed if she's still in and realized we lied to her yet again. If Amy isn't actually with us and is leaking our discussion to others to try to redirect the target to us, then clearly I don't feel as bad.

So final plan is 2-2-2 Elle Amy (whomever) if vote stolen, it means Amy isn't with us, we vote 3 Amy Very high chance I get idoled out here, but this is about as much as I can plan. Last time I got voted out, I tried to play so perfect. So perfect I didn't get a vote. Not getting a vote ended my game ☠️ We'll see. 

https://youtu.be/CeYz2tRXRBg

~

https://youtu.be/wFgih-KTPMU

~

https://youtu.be/_RTe9xDPDes

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Jodi: Manipulating the situation in her favor

Josh: Probably will make it to the end

Jared: Probably will make it to the end

Anastasia: Is on the bottom of the 4 person alliance

Amy: Is on the bottom but has advantages that no one suspects she has

Elle: People think they have advantages and is getting targeted over it

The group was given 5 minutes to discuss out loud who to vote out unanimously. If it wasn't unanimous, the whole group would go to rocks. After 5 minutes, they were allowed to play advantages if they wanted to. Elle chose to play their Vote Steal on Anastasia. For this round, a Vote Steal would immune the person it was used against. Additionally, this person would not be able to vote or have a say in the discussion. The group was given an additional 5 minutes. During the discussion, everyone except Elle (who wanted to go to rocks) said they would vote Elle. Then, when the vote was announced, the tribe instead went to rocks as it was not unanimous. Josh was rocked out

[5tornhomos]

Always Your Advocate - Chapter 3

Story Summary:  After five years of being in one of the most successful boy bands in the world, Harry Styles is about to embark on his solo career. While at Columbia, he meets Bethany Russo, who’s just been assigned to work with him.  As much as she wants to remain professional, she just can’t keep away from him.

Chapter Summary: While Beth is showing Harry around New York, he lets out some aggression.

If you missed the first chapter , you can read it here. I also post on AO3 and Wattpad.

Word Count: 3.5k

With his day off, Harry had originally planned on exploring the city by himself. He thought that he would wander down the streets of New York and explore some shops. But when Harry met Beth, he instantly felt drawn to her. He knew that spending the day with her would be so much better than wandering around the city by himself. He didn't care what she had planned because he just wanted to be around her.

Talking to her felt effortless. On their first date, they probably would've kept talking for several more hours if the bar hadn't been closing down. From the moment he dropped her off, he was looking forward to seeing her again. Knowing that he had to be traveling back home soon, he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

Although Harry initially protested, Beth insisted on going to pick up Harry, especially since he picked her up the night before. Around 11 AM, Beth walked into the lobby of his hotel, carrying something special for him. She immediately went to the front desk, where she had to show ID to get up to Harry's room. After returning Beth's ID, the receptionist led Beth to the elevator, which needed a special key to access Harry's floor. Beth felt a level of comfort knowing that Harry had some level of security so that random people couldn't get into his hotel room. The elevator took Beth up the penthouse, where Harry was staying.

Beth struggled to knock on his hotel room door, as she was holding a large paper brown bag in her hands.

"Oh, you're early! Sorry, I was just getting dressed. Come, in please," he said, as he stood there, without a shirt.

"That's okay, really..." Beth said.

She certainly didn't mind seeing him shirtless. She couldn't help but stare at his toned, muscular body, as she admired the tattoos on his chest and arms. Although she had seen so many pictures of Harry, there was nothing quite like staring at him in person. As her mind began to wander, Beth was particularly focused on his arms. For some reason, a man's arms were always the biggest turn on for her. She started thinking about all the things she wanted him to do to her. She imagined Harry picking her up and placing her on the kitchen countertop as he stood over her, with her legs in between his. She snapped out of it, her cheeks turning red from all the dirty thoughts she was having.

"You don't HAVE to put a shirt on if you don't want to..." was all she could say.

"Are you objectifying my body?" he joked.

"I mean, you're not terrible to look at," she admitted.

"Not terrible, that's so nice of you to say," he said, sarcastically. "How rude of me, let me help you with that," he said, grabbing the large bag out of her hands.

"What do you have here?" he asked.

"I got us breakfast."

"I knew there was a reason that I liked you," he said, as his eyes lit up. "So, what did you bring for us to eat?" he asked.

"Well, I was trying to give you a real New York experience today. So, I had to start our day with bagels. I got a few different kinds," she told him, as she pulled each one out of the bag. "First, we have a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, which is basically a New York staple. That one's my personal favorite, so I got two of those. Then I got some other random bagels. We have plain, poppy seed, everything, and sesame. Oh, and I got a few different kinds of cream cheese."

"That's a lot of options," he said.

"Well, I didn't know what you would like, so I wanted to be prepared."

Beth was used to preparing food and dressing rooms for lots of different musicians. Some of them can be very picky, so she was used to be overly prepared. She never wanted people to be disappointed, but she was starting to think that she was being overbearing. This wasn't the time for her to be treating Harry like a client.

"Sorry, was this too much? I'm overdoing it, aren't I?" she worried.

"No, no. Absolutely not. I love it. I'll have the same one you're having. What can I get you to drink?" he asked.

"Can I have a water, please?" she asked.

"Of course, you can, darling."

"So, tell me," he said, in between eating his sandwich, "What are we going to be doing today?"

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise."

"Should I be worried? I've seen Law and Order. A lot can happen in New York," he joked.

"I guess you'll just have to trust me."

Harry was only teasing her. From the moment that he met Beth, he knew that she was trustworthy.

"Okay. I trust you," he said.

"But I can tell you, we're not going to do any of that cheesy tourist stuff. No Empire State Building or Statue of Liberty. That's not a real New York experience," she told him.

"I'll do whatever you say."

It didn't matter where she took him. As long as they were together.

"I have to be honest. I'm a little surprised that you're not hungover from last night," he said.

"I didn't drink THAT much. And I guess I can hold my liquor well."

"Maybe you belong in the UK."

"Maybe one day."

As they finished up their breakfast, they headed down to grab a taxi.

"38th and 9th," Beth said, giving the cab driver the address. It was a short drive before they arrived at their destination.

"Break Bar?" he said, reading the sign on the front of the building. "Didn't we just go to a bar last night? It's barely noon. Are you an alcoholic?" he asked, somewhat jokingly.

"Not an alcoholic, thanks for asking," she laughed, "But it's not that kind of bar."

"If it's not a bar, what is it?"

"You can choose a baseball bat or a sledgehammer. We both go into a room filled with glasses, computers, TVs, and lots of other random stuff. We have 30 minutes to destroy as much of it as we possibly can," she explained.

"And what is the purpose of this?" he asked.

"To let out all of your aggression."

"Do you think of me as an aggressive person?" Harry asked.

"No, not at all. Quite the opposite. I think you are a very reserved, gentle soul. But I'd imagine that you have some aggression inside of you, especially with all the pressure you're under. I just thought this would be a healthy way for you to release any built-up aggression. And I think it will be fun," she explained.

Harry rarely mad or aggressive. For the most part, he suppressed those feelings. But on the rare chance that he got angry, it usually shocked the people around him. Harry had the stress of his upcoming album, with the pressure of coming from a successful boyband. Sometimes Harry felt like he had the world on his shoulders, and he had to balance everyone's expectations of him.

"I'll give it a try," Harry agreed.

Although he was a bit apprehensive, he was willing to trust Beth. After signing all the release forms and getting into some protective gear, the two entered the room, filled with plenty of things for them to destroy. Heavy metal music was playing in the room, which helped put both of them in a more destructive mood.

"Would you like to go first?" Harry asked.

"Oh, no. You're the guest here. I think you should go first," she insisted.

Harry looked around at all his choices. He saw a computer desktop and decided that was the first thing that he wanted to smash. It reminded him of all the rumors that have been spread about him online.

"While I'm smashing this, should I think about all the people who have wronged me?" he asked.

"I think that's the best way to do this."

"Can you step back, please? I don't want to hurt you," he asked.

As Beth gave him some space, Harry picked up the sledgehammer. As he held it tightly in his hands, Harry pulled his arms back and thrusted it forward. The sledgehammer slammed against the computer screen, causing the glass to shatter into a million pieces. Beth was smiling as she watched Harry let out his aggression. He looked like he was enjoying himself.

"Was there someone in particular you were thinking about there?" she asked.

"Not one person, specifically. It's more like an entire group of people."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Wait a minute... is this a therapy session?"

"Only if you want it to be."

Harry didn't mind opening up to Beth. The more time he spent with her, the more comfortable he was becoming.

"I was just thinking about all the people who've put pressure on me over the years. All the people who pushed and overworked me," Harry began to explain.

Beth knew a little bit about how One Direction were treated. But it didn't take inside knowledge for her to see that they were overworked. In five years, they did five albums, four world tours, and countless other media engagements. It was never-ending. They barely even got a chance to work on the next album. Each album was written and recorded while they were on tour, in a hotel room, or backstage at one of the venues. And this all started when Harry was only 16 years old. Luckily for Harry, the label wasn't being as pushy this time around. He didn't have to rush to complete his album, and he could take as much time as he needed. But Beth also wanted to act as an extra level of security to ensure that Harry wasn't pushed too far.

"I just want you to know, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you're never overworked like that again," she promised him.

"Well, I appreciate that. But it's your turn now."

"I think I'm going with the baseball bat," she decided.

"You never told me about that guy," Harry suddenly remembered that Beth vaguely mentioned a guy last night, but she didn't tell him much about it. "Maybe that's something you want to let off some steam about?"

"Oh yeah... that guy..."

"You don't have to tell me if it's too personal."

"No, that's okay. His name is Mike, my ex-boyfriend. We were together for almost a year. Towards the end, I had some other issues going on that caused me to go on a bit of a downward spiral, emotionally. Not only was he not there for me, but I also found out that he was cheating on me."

The situation with Mike was complicated, but that was all Beth was willing to share at that moment. It's not that she didn't trust Harry. She just wasn't ready to talk about all of it. There were some things involving Mike that she never told anyone else. But Harry was grateful that Beth was slowly opening up to him, and he didn't want to push her any further. She would talk about it when and if she was ready. This just wasn't the right time or place.

"Well, he seems like a dick. But you're better off without him. You don't need someone like that in your life," Harry said.

"You're right. But I guess there's still a bit of unresolved resentment for him," Beth said, as she swung the baseball bat right across a line of glasses. The sound of all that glass shattering was oddly satisfying. Beth felt a sense of relief, like she was letting go of some build up feelings.

After their time was up, they had both worked up a bit of a sweat. Beth tried not to stare too much, as she admired Harry's sweaty body.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"I'm not going to lie. I was a bit skeptical at first. But that was a lot of fun. How about you? Did you enjoy it?" he asked.

"I did. And I kind of enjoyed seeing you get a little aggressive. It was a bit of a turn on if I'm being honest," she admitted.

Harry couldn't help but smile. He appreciated that she was feeling the chemistry between them, and that she was confident enough to tell him how she felt.

"Well, I certainly enjoyed seeing you get a little sweaty," Harry responded, as they both smiled at each other.

With all of that physical activity, they had also developed a bit of an appetite.

"Does our next stop include food?" Harry asked.

"Would you like to get some pizza? Another New York classic," Beth said.

"Of course. Whatever you say. I'll follow you anywhere."

They walked just a few blocks away. Luckily, when you're in New York, you never have to go too far to get good pizza. Harry kept his head down, hoping that people wouldn't recognize him. As they entered the pizzeria, Beth ordered two slices of pizza and a soda. Harry ordered the same. Beth instinctively went into her purse, reaching for her wallet.

"Please, let me pay for something," Harry stopped her.

"You paid last night," Beth argued.

"And you paid for us to destroy a bunch of stuff. How much do I owe you for that, by the way?" He asked.

"You don't owe me anything," Beth responded.

After the two's little argument, they sat down in a booth to enjoy their pizza.

"Are you liking New York so far?" she asked.

"With you as my tour guide, absolutely."

"So, tell me. With all the traveling you've done, what's your favorite place you've ever visited?" she asked.

"Ummmm..." he said, needing to think for a moment. "I guess it would probably have to be either Japan or Australia. But to be honest, I usually didn't have much time to explore the places that I traveled to. When I was in the band, everything was so hectic. We were constantly going from one town to the next. We either didn't have time to explore the city, or we were too exhausted from doing the shows to go out. Even with New York, I barely get a chance to spend much time here," he explained.

"Is there something you've always wanted to do in New York that you've never had time for?" she asked.

"Well, I've always wanted to see a Yankee game. I've never really had the time to do that. I guess that seems like a very American thing to do. But I also like exploring a town and finding all the little hidden gems, like the bar we were at last night, or this pizza place," Harry explained.

"Did you enjoy your pizza?" she asked, as they finished their slices.

"I did. But bagels and pizza, that's a lot of carbs for today. I'll have to do an extra workout when I get home," Harry said, as he took a sip of his soda.

"I mean... we can do some exercise later if you want..." Beth said.

Harry couldn't help but spit out his drink. He was surprised that she was being so brazen. But he didn't mind. And he certainly didn't have a problem with what she was implying. Beth secretly enjoyed making him blush.

"So, what's next on your agenda?" he asked.

"Well, I only have dinner reservations for tonight. Other than that, I thought you might just want to wander around the city and see what strikes you."

"Sounds perfect," he said.

They strolled arm and arm down the streets of New York City, looking for something to catch their eye. Harry spotted a vintage record shop and he was immediately intrigued.

"Have you ever been there?" he asked.

"You know... I actually don't own a record player," she admitted.

"Wait. Seriously? You work at a record company and you don't own a record player?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm not sure why. I guess most of the time I'm on listening to music on the go. I'm usually listening on my phone while I'm commuting or on the computer while I'm at work," she explained. Although Beth didn't own a record player, she still didn't mind going inside.

"Speaking of work, I never really asked you what you do there. What does your job entail?" he asked.

"Basically, I'm the logistics and planning person, but I have nothing to do with the creative aspect. So, with a music video, for example, I don't have input about the concept. You just tell me what you want, and I figure out how to make it happen," she explained.

"Will you be planning my tour as well?"

"I will. It's my first time doing this for an artist of your scale, but I'm excited about the challenge."

"Well, I think you'll do a great job. And it's my first time doing a tour on my own, so we're in this together," he said.

They spent some time rummaging through old records, as Harry found ones that interested him. He found old bands that his father used to listen to, and other music that inspired him growing up. As he went through each record, he told Beth about some of his memories. He pulled out Rumours, the album by Fleetwood Mac.

"This was one of my favorite albums growing up. This is the kind of music I aspire to make," Harry told Beth.

Harry pulled out a few different albums, including ones by Prince, David Bowie, and Elton John. He talked about the artists that have inspired him. He listened to them when he was younger, hoping that he would grow up and be like them. Harry always knew that he wanted to entertain people. Performing was Harry's favorite part of the job, and it was something he couldn't wait to get back into. Although Beth didn't own a record player, she spent almost two hours in the shop listening to Harry's stories. She certainly didn't mind listening. He spoke with such passion that she could listen to him forever.

Later on, the two had dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant in Little Italy. The two enjoyed their dinner, as they continued to learn more details about one another. But unlike the night before when they could've kept talking all night, this night was a little different. Beth didn't want to be at this restaurant all night. She was in a bit more of a rush to get home. And she wanted Harry to come home with her. She already knew what she wanted to do with him.

As the night was ending, Beth began thinking about all the things she heard about Harry, and all of that "research" she did. She realized that everyone was right about him. Harry only exceeded her expectations. Harry was nothing but a kind, considerate, funny, gentleman. Beth didn't know where their relationship would go, but she felt grateful to have gotten the chance to spend any amount of time with him.

Just like the night before, Harry took Beth back to her apartment building. But she knew that this night was going to be different. While a part of her didn't want the night to end, the other part of her couldn't wait for them to get back to her apartment. They both felt the tension between them.

"Well, I had another lovely day with you, Bethany," Harry said, as they arrived back at her apartment building.

"Harry, I don't want to waste any more time. I think we should make the most of tonight," Beth told him. She had no idea when she would see Harry again, or if she would ever get an opportunity like this again. This was not the time to be shy. She knew exactly what she wanted.

"What does that mean?" Harry asked. He just wanted to be clear. There's a reason they call him the consent king.

"I want you," she pleaded.

Harry leaned closer towards Beth, staring at her lips, which he had been focused on all night. He gently caressed her cheek, as he leaned down and placed his lips against hers. Beth immediately felt the sparks fly between the two of them. But she didn't just want to kiss him. She wanted more.

"Will you come upstairs with me?" she asked.

Harry didn't have to be asked twice. He gladly entered her apartment, happy to do what the two of them had been thinking about since they laid eyes on each other.

[theintrinsicwarrior]

The ‘Illusion’ of Hot Women

Yes, you read the title right. I believe that hot women are an illusion. You either have a curiosity about this opinion or a resistance to it. "Aden, what type of drugs are you on right now!? In what world do hot girls not exist? Maybe you’re spending too much time on Oxford street on a Saturday night!” I can imagine these are the thoughts of a guy reading this. I get it. Before I get into this, I just want to say that some of the things I say in this post may cause you to feel uncomfortable due to the way guys are wired to think in society today. It will probably challenge your perception of how attractive women appear in your reality. It might take the fun out of ‘hot girls' for you, and if thats something you don’t want, I’d advise you to stop reading now. If you’re a guy who goes around rating women on a scale of 1-10 and you’re not willing to be a little open minded to different view on that, same thing, stop reading. If you’re open minded and are genuinely curious about what I have to say about this, let’s go!

What’s your definition of a 'hot girl’? If I go and ask some random guy on the street this, he will probably tell me something like ‘are you serious? a girl who is sexy, of course!’ Or ‘a girl who is super glammed up, takes care of her appearance’ Basically he’s going to give a very vague answer that is probably subjective to his personal tastes. He might give me references of celebrities he finds attractive, or an ex girlfriend or current girlfriend. We don’t think about (or maybe I do, clearly!) what it is that really makes a girl ‘hot’. My argument here is that, what if beauty is contextual? What if that ‘hot girl’ you see walking in a bikini down Bondi beach is your own perception based on the circumstances, behaviour and several other factors? Picture this scene (trust me, you’ll like it if you’re a guy!): A young, blonde girl, maybe around age 21 walks up to you while you’re at a table in a restaurant with your friends. She’s wearing a low cut top on with tight jean shorts. Make up is done perfectly. Smells like every perfect smell to ever exist and has an adorable, polish accent. Her hair is shiny and straight as can be, ending at her lower back. She sits next to you, introduces herself and starts flirting with you. Her facial expressions are seductive. The way she touches your arm as she laughs at something you said in your story is equivalent to everything good in life. The way her eyes light up when you tell her that you’re into surfing or basketball or any sport you like. Got the picture? Of course you do! Obviously, you as a man are going to be like "am I dreaming right now? Why is this happening?” But let me flip it. Imagine that same girl, but this time her hair is all frizzy and clearly not washed and she has no make up on. Her breath reeks and her B.O is assaulting your nostrils like no tomorrow. She’s wearing an oversized hoodie with long baggy pants. She introduces herself but doesn’t say anything after that and sit’s next to you awkwardly, while you look at your buddies awkwardly, with you decaying in the uncomfortableness of it all. So I ask you, is that second girl still hot? It’s the same girl! Are all the thoughts you had about the first version of that girl going to be the same with the second version? Think about that. You see, we don’t take into account the different things that go into a ‘hot girl’. Yeah, its abit of a bummer isn’t it? Let’s use porn stars as another example. (Disclaimer: If you love porn and don’t want to think about what goes into it all, or want it to be ruined for you, once again, stop here). Besides cringe worthy acting, what you’re seeing in those videos is the result of quality lighting, precise make up work, a ‘porn star persona', different angle shots, different takes, exaggerated sex sounds, the ‘bow-chicka bow-wow’ music, and video filters. Editing! Thats what your seeing! If you see those women in a different context, without those things, ‘hot’ probably won’t be the word you’ll be using. ‘Good looking?' Yeah, maybe. ‘Attractive?’ Maybe. It’s going to be a noticeable difference, thats for sure. This applies to instagram models, magazine models, movie stars etc. you get the idea. “Geez! Thanks for being a downer, Aden! Why can’t you be normal, not overthink this and just be a freaking guy!” Yes, I know you might be thinking something along those lines. Allow me to break it down. A common thing I see in young men and in myself when I was younger, is a natural tendency to put women who are ‘hot’ on a pedestal. The psychological pedestal where, because a girl has a 'banging body’, is ’fine as a dime’ or some other cringe expression for a physically appealing girl, she is worshipped. She is the equivalent to that of a celebrity, even if she isn’t one. She is the ticket to your clout boost or status upgrade if you can ‘get her’. You’ll be swimming in the validation of everybody within eye distance of you and her together. Why? Because she looks a certain way in a certain CONTEXT. She’s that girl who every guy is shooting his shot with at the night club. The famous insta-model (who probably uses facetune) posting ass shots everyday and has pathetic men frothing in her comment sections and DM’s. The ‘hottest girl’ in your year 12 class, or maybe even the school. Are you starting to see it? If you don’t, its so simple: Stop acting like women who you ‘perceive’ as hot as being celebrities and trophies to obtain, knowing that ‘hotness’ is all in your mind! It’s subjective. It’s contextual. It’s an Illusion.    

Another thing I want to speak on, and I’ve done it myself, is this universal rating system from 1-10 guys use to ‘rate’ a girl. “The girl I went on date with the other day? She was a 6.5. She’s alright, but I’d kill for that 9.4 who works in marketing, I heard she’s single!” Yeah… Hearing that in person you’d swear you’re in a maths class for crying out loud!. The issue I have with this is literally the same thing as the whole ‘hotness’ thing I was talking about in the previous paragraph: Pedestals and this unconscious desire to acquire these ‘hot’ women for some external validation. As you can imagine, a ‘7.4’ gets treated and viewed differently to a ‘4.3’ (obviously!) And the ultra rare ’10’? Shiiiiiiiiiet! You better be coming with that 1988, Michael Jordan-type game to get her, my guy! This is also where the whole notion of ‘leagues’ comes in: “I like Anna, but she’s a straight 9 and I’m only a 6. I can’t do it. She’s out of my league bro!” Listen to that life-changing confidence! Like, what makes a ’10’ any different to a ‘5’? Are they a different species? Do they have different operating manuals? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging here. As I said before, I used to behave like this. In fact, I used to be worse than this! I had my own ‘special’ rating system that was based off video resolutions. That’s right, I used to walk around, look at girls and say “she’s a 1080p!” Or “She’s only 720p, but has potential to be 8k” and had the nerve to call myself a human being! So besides the pedestals and objectifying of women, this behaviour also leads to men having near impossible standards for their dating lives. So you can believe that my standards were all kinds of stupid, having a stupid ass rating system. You can believe that I was never satisfied and blew so many great opportunities, all because of this ridiculous mindset. So that ‘5’ you went on a date with, you thought was ‘alright', could honestly have a personality that you can actually vibe with if you just looked past that massive 5 you put where her face is. You can actually be happier, more satisfied and content with women when you remove these dumb ass rating systems and select women based off a ‘yes’ or ’no’ approach. This how it works: You see a girl and if you’d like to get to know her, feel attracted, be with her or whatever, then she’s a ‘yes’. If not, she’s a ’no’. Simple. She gets viewed as a person who may or may not be into you as well, as opposed to a ‘rating’. This ‘yes’ or ’no’ system has done wonders for me personally: A guy who was rating women as video resolutions at one point! I now am able to look past a woman’s appearance, attempt to connect with her on a genuine level and not get caught up in looks! And not have it be life or death for my ego! Howbowdeh! You know what else is great? When you genuinely connect with a girl over conversation and get to know her, no matter what her appearance, she has the potential to become 'better looking’. It’s this strange phenomenon I’ve recently found since adopting the ‘yes/no’ system. I call it the ’Shallow Hal effect’. If you don’t know that reference, watch the movie Shallow Hal, trust me, you’ll love it! The main character in the movie, Hal, is literally the personification of the modern day, Instagram-model worshipping, sad-case, no self worth, thirsty man. Before he gets hypnotised by Tony Robbins to see the inner beauty of every girl, he’s exactly like the men I described above: Chasing the ‘hot girls’ because how a girl looks is a reflection of his own need for validation. So to sum up this post: What you perceive as ‘hot’ is all contextual and based off your personal rating system, which is likely to make you put women on a pedestal and limit your potential to have decent interactions, relationships and sincere joy with them. Before I finish this post, please don’t think I’m some sort of asexual weirdo who has a problem with good looking women and think they’re overrated. Don’t think I was rejected by countless hot girls and now I’m bitter and resentful because of it. Believe me, I absolutely love women and how they look. In fact, I think looks do sincerely matter and should be appreciated; Just not to the point where you put a girl on pedestal, temporarily change your personality in her presence and treat her like a celebrity just because she has a nice dress on, perfect make up and puts on a ‘sexy girl’ persona. In saying that (and quoting Drake): “Know yourself, know your worth”

‘Your impressions of a woman’s beauty do not define who she is, they define who you are’ -Unknown