#so again like. absolutely no intimacy has been happening. zero. none.

[nv-alexander]

This year has been. Uh...well it's certainly been time that has passed so far.

[edelgarfield]

god tw personal family medical issues

my mom said some completely wild shit to me last Sunday and I want to vent about it, but what she said was so absolutely unhinged that it requires like 5 different layers of context before I can even BEGIN to unpack what she said and it's like. I want and need to reach out to people and vent about it but I don't even know how to start that conversation with anyone who isn't already up to speed on my nightmare of a family.

so. my dad is sick, he's been sick my entire adult life with a degenerative disorder but he recently got diagnosed with cancer.

here's the thing. there is zero emotional intimacy in my family. we do not talk about feelings. we do not rely on each other. we do not talk about anything other than shallow surface level topics.

that degenerative disorder my dad has? the only reason I know what it is is because I went through his medicine cabinet back in high school. he has never once in the 10 years he's had it sat me down and said "by the way I'm sick and my condition is called X." even though he is clearly, visibly, provably getting worse over the years he has not and will not talk about it. I don't know what his prognosis is. I don't know what his current treatment plan is. I don't know what things he can and can't do on his own.

he is treating his cancer the exact same way. he didn't tell me he even had cancer until two days before he started chemo. I do not know what type of cancer he has. I do not know how bad it is. I do not know what treatment options he's pursuing. whenever I ask he and my mom dodge the question.

that is an extremely quick and dirty summary of what's going on.

so my mom and I were going to a play on Sunday. as we're getting out of the car my mom out of nowhere says "you know you're going to be rich?"

I have no idea what she's talking about and say as much. she starts complaining that my dad's mom updated her will to split my dad's share of her money between me and my brother and my mom is upset that none of it is going to her.

already. this is such a wild and out of touch thing to complain about. like do you want me to sympathize with you bc you think you deserve a bigger share of some future money that hasn't even happened yet? I'm just flabbergasted as my mom goes on to ask if I'm going to take care of her when she's old. again. wild.

I'm like "what about dad? shouldn't he be upset that he's getting cut out?"

and my mom turns to me with this look of condescending pity and says "[Dad's mom] is going to outlive him, why do you think she updated the will?"

GEE MOM I DONT FUCKING KNOW. NOBODY TELLS ME SHIT AROUND HERE.

this is the first time I'm hearing about my grandma updating her will. this is the first time I'm hearing that my dad apparently has TERMINAL CANCER.

and instead of telling me any of this directly like a normal fucking person my mom slides it into the middle of a conversation of her complaining about not being in my grandma's will.

(sidenote: immediately after she dropped this bombshell I replied "okay, well when dad dies you'll get his money" "dad isn't as rich as his mom" so like. classy all around)

like what the fuck is wrong with you??? there are so many things wrong with this conversation I don't even know where to start. do you think I'm going to care about some imaginary money when my dad is APPARENTLY dying? do you think I'm going to feel sorry for you that you're not getting a cut when you're already set up to live an extremely comfortable life?? why are you jealous of your CHILDREN when this is literally just a consolation prize for having a DEAD FATHER.

if you gave me unlimited attempts to try and guess how my mother would choose to tell me my dad was dying I could not have come up with this in a million years. among all the possible ways you could have chosen to tell me my dad is dying how did you invent a completely new one that's more audacious and absurd than all the rest? it is truly astounding the lengths that my parents will go to avoid showing a single iota of vulnerability. why are you like this? if there was literally any time in your life to at least PRETEND to be a normal family it would be now. my parents can only reveal extremely important, heavy information when it's bracketed by the most absurd conversation you've ever had.

and here's the thing: my mother is a notoriously unreliable source of information. she exaggerates, dramatizes, misremembers, and if all else fails just straight up lies. this would not be the first time she has told me someone is dying because that's more attention grabbing than "they're very sick"

(one time my mother insisted to me she was dying, when I asked if she was serious she said yes. I asked her to please tell me the truth because I was genuinely worried she insisted no really she was dying. I went to my dad and he said no, she's not dying, she had a very bad sinus infection)

so I have no idea whether my dad is actually dying or whether my mother is exaggerating what the doctor said bc she's apparently allergic to just telling the truth. and I have no way to confirm bc my dad will not talk about his illness with me. so I'm just stuck, worrying with no answers & no idea when/if answers are coming. I have no idea how bad my dad's sickness is, I have no idea if it's terminal and how long he has left if it is. for all I know it could be two months or two years.

and it doesn't get better! it's only going to get worse from here as my dad gets sicker and dies (if he does), they're not going to suddenly start keeping me in the loop. they're not going to suddenly start comforting me. I'm always going to be the last to know and I'm always going to be told in the most confusing, awful way possible.

this is just such a perfect snapshot of what my childhood was like. my family is the place where emotions go to die. my own mother can't even be bothered to provide the tiniest sliver of comfort or support when she tells me my DAD is DYING. where do I get it, then? if my own fucking family won't comfort me then who will? no wonder I'm so fucked up, no wonder I'm so desperate and starved for affection because I went practically 13 years before I even knew what affection was.

[mitsukui]

late night experiences | g.w.

Pairing: George Weasley x female reader.

Summary:  learning new things is always better when it is done with someone else.

Word Count: 2,7k.

Warnings: smut! Masturbation, mentions of innocence kink.

Disclaimer: none of the pictures used in the edit below belong to me; I simply put them together.

A/N: please, leave me some feedback if you feel like it! My askbox is open for your opinions, thoughts and requests. Thank you so much for your time and attention ❤

Masterlist!

Your last year at Hogwarts rushed into your life without warning — and so did your sexual hormones. You swore to Merlin you could feel them tingling all over your body whenever you solely looked at George Weasley, your majestic boyfriend. And apparently, he felt the same way towards you. Wondering the reason behind it all, you were quick to blame the fact that the two of you had just turned 18.

You had been together for a little while now: around nine months or so. But nothing had ever happened, and you were not quite sure why. You two had, supposedly, everything needed: steamy make-out sessions, wandering hands, lustful thoughts, privacy, and all that jazz. Yet, there you were: ground zero.

However, things were about to change even though you still were unconscious about it.

“Psst!” Your favorite quill stopped scribbling your Herbology notes. “Oi!” Your eyes gazed at the direction from which came the voice only to realize it was one of your classmates, Angelina Johnson. “I’ve discovered something last night which I thought you might be interested in.” A mischievous smirk painted her lips as you leaned in closer, already feeling eager to listen to whatever she had to say. She was one of those people who made anyone pay attention to them whenever they said something.

Her hushed whispers filled the existing silence between you two in the Study Area once more. “The boys were talking in our common room last night, and rumor has it George can’t keep his hands off of his cock whenever he thinks of you.”

Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet giggled like little girls when she finally finished her speech. You could feel your cheeks getting embraced by a deep and violent warmness. Uh-oh.

Your mind suddenly produced images by itself: George’s chest going up and down quickly as he moaned under his breath. He had his long and slender fingers wrapped around his dick and, sweet Merlin, he was big. Big and thick and veiny. His eyelashes fluttered as his hand pumped up and down a few times, precum leaking from his tip.

Heaven probably looked like that. What a lovely sight. You would give anything to actually see the great George Weasley in such a position. But, again: ground zero.

Still, the possibility of him pleasuring himself at the thought of you seemed to awake something new inside your chest and offer you a novel tingling sensation. You felt a burning flame in your loins, and it was almost as if your entire body were on fire.

You wanted him to jerk off thinking of you. You wanted his hands to get dirty from his own seed because of you.

You gulped. Snapping fingers brought you back to reality. “Girl, it’s high time you gave that poor lad some love, you know.”

The next few days felt slow and eternal. George Weasley and George Weasley’s thick dick were the only things occupying your mind. Of course, you had fantasized about him before; but it had never been that vivid. Things are always better when they are real, after all.

And you wanted to do something about it. Your soul ached for him to share his hidden and erotic reality with you. Your flesh longed to be painfully close to his. Your body and your hands desired to tease him and give him something to be unbearably hard over. You obviously would not feel in peace until you got what you wanted.

That is why the suggestion of a late night meeting in the Prefect’s Bathroom came to life. It was discussed during another of your studying session with Angelina, Alicia and Katie, being first brought on by Angelina, of course. That girl had many wild cards up her sleeve.

“I happen to know the password. Got it from a Slytherin guy, after giving him a few galleons.”

“And a blowjob, too.” Alicia responded with her eyebrows raised and a mischievous grin hanging on her lips.

As the three other girls laughed carelessly, seeming to be extremely relaxed and confident to talk about such a topic, you chewed on your bottom lip. Jittery feelings bubbled up within your veins while concern clouded your mind. You had a severe lack of inexperience when it came down to anything sexual.

Your temporary anxiety was sharply noticed by Katie, who positioned her hand over yours in a comforting act. Her fingers soothed your skin, her next words slipping out of her lips as motherly advice.

“Don’t feel pressured to do anything, honestly. George is one of the most understanding people I have ever met. But I think a little bit of intimacy would work wonders on you, both of you.” Her grip on your hand became a bit tighter, and her warmth was incredibly pacifying. “You know, just suggest going to the Prefect’s Bathroom tomorrow night. He will surely accept, once he is heads over heels for you. Get in the warm, bubbly water. Kiss him, if you feel comfortable enough for that. And just see where it goes.”

Your other two friends nodded, assuring you everything was alright and that you could always count on them for support and advice. The conversation went on for a little longer, they sharing intimacy tips and encouraging you.

Luckily enough, the next morning was one that you had classes with George. You brought on the subject in the end of the lesson, while he gathered his material quietly.

His lips opened up in a bright smile in the moment you appeared in front of him, but his expression was soon destroyed by your visible tensed posture.

“Hey, gorgeous. Are you alright?”

You sighed shortly, trying to relieve some of your internalized insecurities. The suggestion came out of your lips in a mere murmur, but he was smart enough to grasp onto all of your words. His eyes noticed your dodging gaze and your fidgeting fingers, playing with the hem of your tie. You looked absolutely adorable to him.

“See you later tonight, then. Prefect’s Bathroom, 12AM sharp. I won’t be late.”

The rest of the day felt like an eternity. Perhaps, it was the uncertainty of it all, given that there was no way to predict how the scenario would take place later on. But the time for your meeting agonizingly came, and you were forced to leave your dormitory.

The weather was unpleasantly hot, and it was hard for you to tell whether it was due to the time of the year you were going through, or to the fact you were walking towards your own doom.

You had been curious and tempted to get to know his darker and more lustful façade but, at the same time, you were ashamed of how much you craved him despite being your first time feeling anything like that. Those same novel tingles from before returned to your loins as your made your way to the fifth floor.

Underneath your favorite carmine red pleated skirt and a muggle band T-shirt, you wore a set of lingerie that had not received much attention when previously picked out, which was a simple white bra paired with white panties, covered in tiny pink strawberries. When you were about to reach your destination, you came down to the realization of how childish your underwear looked. You inhaled sharply, concluding you had ruined everything.

Eventually, you and George met, and entered the bathroom hand in hand.

Although you had heard of its wonderful interiors, seeing everything with your own eyes for the first time made you gasp. Your gaze traveled through the place, and you wished to engrave every detail in your heart. The white marble grandness awoke a sense of greatness and admiration inside you, and you almost fell to your knees right then and there.

A tad of small talk was exchanged between you and your boyfriend, until he approached you at last. His big hands cupped your delicate face, and he leaned down to kiss you.

His lips were so terribly gentle that they sent butterflies to your stomach. He showed no shyness in the second his hands roamed down your body and found your back, giving your ass a light squeeze. Unable to control yourself, you moaned and pressed your body against his.

A steamy make out moment was held between the two of you until the moment for the truth hovered over your heads. He rested his forehead against yours, and looked at you with loving eyes as his thumb ran over your lips.

“Tell me why we are here, darling.”

“It’s just that…There had been this rumor, you know?” A shy chuckle escaped your lips, and you closed your eyes, trying to block out all the filthy images suddenly appearing in your mind. “People have been saying that you jerk off thinking about me. But I’m not sure if it’s true or not, because we have –“

“It is true.” The coolness in his voice caught you off guard, and you blinked at him in a mixture of shock and self-induced accomplishment: your boyfriend touched himself at the thought of you.

Your eyelashes fluttered until your eyes were shut, and a sigh escaped your lips. Your mind knew no restrains at that moment, and the images you had been blocking out came to life all at once, violently crashing against your insides, almost like agitated waves at a beach.

Silence embraced the two of you again, but neither of you felt bothered by it. You took your time to let the sinful images sink in, and he took his time to study your face. You had been clearly affected by the truth he had just spilled out, and he secretly enjoyed such thing. He could read you like the palm of his hand, and he knew you were thinking about him with his dick out.

As he breathed heavily, fearing air would forever leave his lungs after what he was about to do, he prepared himself for what was about to come. His thumb ran over your slightly swollen lips but, this time, he parted them with a gentle tug on your lower lip. George timidly shoved his thumb into your mouth, and you, with your eyes still closed, took all of it.

Your tongue swirl against his finger, the feeling of your saliva dancing against his skin sending electrical waves down his spine. You continued on sucking him until your cheeks finally hollowed, and he pulled his finger out with a low ‘pop’ noise.

You opened your eyes in a deep frustration, but he could no longer take it. His cock was hard inside his trousers and it battled for its freedom. He breathed unsteadily and with a bit of difficulty, his mind starting to wonder how your lips would feel wrapped around his tip.

The realization that you two had never done anything before hit him hard, and he felt himself twitching while precum started wetting the fabric of his underwear.

Would it be selfish of him to think he would probably be the first one ever to taste your cunt? The first one to penetrate you, the first one to end your innocence for eternity, the first one to feel your walls clenching around him, the first one to make you cum.

George was forced to step back and groan in bitterness. He really wanted to fuck you, but he would never disrespect you or your limits. Plus, on top of that, he really did not know how he could express his urges.

“S-Sorry, darling. I-I-I don’t know what’d gotten into me, I guess I just lo-“

“Can you show me how you touch yourself?”

The question hung on air for one or two moments. You could not believe what you had just said. You were drunk on a new dizzying and exciting sensation, one that left your panties secretly wet and your clit throbbing, and one which made you ask your boyfriend to masturbate right in front of you.

So he did it. Apparently, Katie was right: George Weasley would gladly accept anything you asked him.

After the enormous bathtub had been filled with water and bubbles, he undressed and you lost all of your senses for a bit.

His fair skin carried grand amounts of both freckles and small scars. His entire silhouette was outlined by groups of yet developing muscles, but each one of them caused more wetness to pool in your strawberries ridiculously covered panties. George was so tall, his shoulders were so broad, and his dick was indeed so big.

When all of his being finally became bare in front of you, you rubbed your thighs together, the need for friction creeping inside your body for the first time ever.

You stood still exactly where you were, but he made his way to the tub, sitting on the edge of the white porcelain. He lowered his dark eyes to his throbbing member and his touch caused a relieved sigh to leave his lips. His hand moved up and down a few times until he looked at you again.

There was something different on his face. His eyelids seemed to be a tad heavier, and the sounds slipping out of his slightly parted lips were the most delicious thing you had ever heard.

George Weasley was jerking off right in front of you. He was moaning only for you. And you hoped he would cum just for you, too.

As the minutes slowly went by the two of you, you watched him quietly. However, it was impossible for him to keep quiet. By now, his moans were loud and shameless. He whispered your name every now and then, the thought of you bouncing up and down his dick providing all the fuel he needed to orgasm only for you.

That was entirely new for you. You felt so dirty, so sinful, so misbehaved, but you were living for it. You wanted more of him, and you also wanted to give George more of you. And that was exactly the reason why you said your next sentence out loud.

“Can I touch myself?”

His ears convinced himself that he had heard it incorrectly, but the way your fingers tugged on your T-shirt, and your thighs rubbed together, he knew he was not mistaken. A new rush of pleasure ran through his veins and he pumped his hand faster. Unable to form coherent sentences, he mumbled something along the lines of ‘please’ and nodded vehemently.

In the blink of an eye, both of your bodies were unclothed and both of you played with your intimacies. George’s right hand applied all the pressure that could possibly resemble your tight cunt wrapped around his cock, and your fingers helped the squelching sounds coming from your wetness to echo in the bathroom. You had never thought that so many lustful sensations could occupy your body all at once and, yet, there you were: masturbating at the sight of your boyfriend doing the exact same.

By now, you also had problems breathing and the tight knot inside your body screamed for a break. You pulled your hand away from your dripping cunt, but you remained connect to your womanhood by a very thin and almost invisible string of your juices.

George obviously noticed that tiny detail and it was too much for him. He announced he was close and, soon enough, his skin was stained by the pleasure you had given him. His eyes were closed as he felt his heartbeat increasing and the images of you still haunting his mind.

The way he accepted and let his orgasm work on his body made you move your hand against your clit faster and you followed him in a matter of seconds. Your body trembled and you could not stop whining.

You had never experienced something so astonishingly sensational.

Your pants filled the bathroom for a little while before his body finally slipped into the still warm water. The comfort offered by the setting relaxed his existence and he weakly called and asked you to join him, which you happily agreed with.

He touched your hips and pulled you closer, placing your body against his chest. With his lips pressed against your temple, he whispered a series of ��thank you’ and ‘you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen’.

However, his final words changed the mood completely and you hated him for it.

“That’s a nice pair of panties, by the way.”

Tag list! ❤️  @efyra​ @writingsomewrongs​ @kellsslut​ @pineapplesandpinas​ @fiction-is-the-new-reality​ @hufflepuff5972​ @amourtentiaa​ @emmaev​ @asthmax​ @anchoeritic​ @eunoia-kth​

[redhoodieone]

You’re so Lucky!

A/N: Hey y’all! Here’s another sexy story that was a request from the amazing @jasontoddslut! Enjoy my peeps!

Warnings: Language, Bad Relationship with Ex-Boyfriend, Smut, Voyeurism, and Jason’s Goddamn Dirty Mouth!!!!!

It was bound to happen. She couldn’t deny this was going to happen sooner rather than later. If she believed they that they could get through their issues and be happy like they once were, then she’s a real fucking idiot.

Gabi still couldn’t believe it though. One minute she was trying to calm Bobby down and the next, he’s screaming at her and telling her to get the fuck out of his apartment. He was in a bad mood to begin with. He’s a mechanic and he’s always tired when he gets home. He was expecting dinner to be ready and maybe have his loving girlfriend of three years rub his back since his shoulder pain is getting worse.

But no. Gabi made the mistake of asking Bobby where he was tonight as soon as he got home.

What set him off was her telling him to calm down. She should have known though.

You should NEVER. EVER. Tell an easily angry guy to calm down.

Because that’s like telling fire to not burn people. Or telling a baby to not cry.

She should have known better though. It’s no surprise Bobby’s into some serious shady shit that the low life Gothamites meet up sometimes at night in casinos or nightclubs. She knows they do illegal shit like selling drugs, ordering weapons from other countries, and maybe even kidnapping young women and children.

And Bobby had participated in the ordering weapons category.

How Gabi found out is another story: she knows for damn sure that Bobby once brought home fifteen state of the art total militia AK-47 guns. Bobby had foolishly asked Gabi to go get some important documents from his huge safe; totally forgetting the weapons were in there about five months prior.

Why would a normal mechanic need such weapons?

Gabi had decided to never bring it up. Bobby would either deny or lie about it. His temper had been getting worse right about then and she knew better.

But he wasn’t always like this. Oh, no. Bobby was a funny, laid back, and loving type who worshipped the ground Gabi walked on before they even started dating. But after two years of living with each other, things changed.

Simple as that. Things changed.

Gabi always wondered how things could just...change. So easily. The fact that it could happen in the blink of an eye frightens her sometimes.

Just like Bobby’s hidden anger. She never knew a hilarious and sweet guy could have the rage of a bull.

Bobby never hit her though. He always made sure to slam his fist against the wall beside her head, though. He was the type to yell and belittle Gabi as if she was a little girl.

But she wasn’t a little girl. She was a 23-year-old woman who moved in with her boyfriend so fast that she began to understand why her parents and friends disapproved of her choices and relationship.

I just had to learn the hard way, Gabi thought to herself.

She doesn’t know why she’s trying to think of sayings that relate to this experience. The point is, Gabi knows she seriously fucked. With Bobby only giving her ten minutes to pack whatever truly mattered to her, she had to hurry the fuck up.

The moment she made it outside the apartment building, all Gabi could do is replay her questions that she asked Bobby.

Where were you tonight?

Were you with someone?

What did you do?

Why can’t you tell me what you did?

Are you hiding something from me?

Are you getting into dangerous things?

No wonder Bobby kicked her out. Gabi should have never put her nose in his business. And now, she’s practically homeless. She knows it would be embarrassing as hell to go back to her parents’ house because of what they told her before getting involved with Bobby. She also knows her friends would treat her horribly, with the “I told you so” stares and lectures. Gabi was certainly running out of options just as the rain began to fall.

There was one person she could go to, who would never turn her away.

However, Gabi hasn’t spoken to this person in about a year because of her relationship with Bobby as well as this person’s own relationship with their significant other.

But Gabi knew Y/N was a good person, a good friend. She was a sweet person, with a big warm heart and she would never turn her away.

With nowhere else to go, Gabi walked alone in the rain all the way down to high class side of Gotham.

By the time Gabi gets to the high-class penthouses, she has to call Y/N to let her inside. Of course, Y/N excitedly tells her to come up, and Gabi immediately starts to feel somehow relieved that Y/N hasn’t changed at all.

As Gabi finally makes it to the correct floor, she sees Y/N waiting by the door, where Gabi assumes is where Y/N lives. Y/N is wearing a red and black flannel pajama pants and a thin black tank top. Gabi also notices Y/N’s barefoot, and her hair’s in a messy bun.

She must have just woken up. I’m so sorry, Y/N, Gabi thinks to herself.

But none of that matters when Y/N meets Gabi halfway in the hall where they collide in a tight, warm-hearted embrace.  Y/N smells like a woodsy, musky cologne, most likely from whoever she’s seeing with now. Maybe they were snuggling up against with each other until Gabi had called and asked if she could come over.

“Come inside. You must be freezing!” Y/N says, releasing Gabi from her hug and pulling her arm towards the front door.

Gabi follows on shaky legs, completely overwhelmed by seeing her longtime best friend. Y/N giggles and leads Gabi inside the penthouse. Gabi instantly is hit by the aroma of vanilla and musk, the smell of intimacy and seduction.  Her eyes take in the red and black walls and décor, some exquisite art pieces, and the big space that is more comfortable and warmer than most homes she’s ever seen.

“Welcome, mi casa es tu casa! Seriously Gabi, babe, make yourself at home. There’s absolutely no rush to leave. You leave when you’re ready, okay?” Y/N says seriously.

“Are you absolutely sure? I really don’t want to impose or put you and your boyfriend out,” Gabi confesses.

Y/N leads Gabi to the long, cherry red couch that is facing a huge flat screen TV. Gabi sets down her duffle bag and takes a seat next to Y/N on the couch.

“Don’t be ridiculous! Jay and I insist you stay here until you figure out what you want to do, okay?” Y/N says, before she turns around to get comfortable to face Gabi.

A vanilla candle is lit on the coffee table. Gabi’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. “I didn’t...interrupt something, did I?”

“Oh, no, you didn’t! I was just setting the mood in the living room to be more...comfy,” Y/N admits, with a chuckle. “Jason just got home a few minutes ago and is taking a shower. He should be done by now.”

As if on cue, they hear someone walking down the hall and towards the living room. He stops near the couch. There in all his glory, well half-naked glory, stands Jason Todd, God’s greatest creation of man...at least that’s what both girls were thinking.

“Gabi, this is Jason, my boyfriend,” Y/N proudly introduces Jason to Gabi. “Jay, this is Gabi, my best friend in the whole wide world.”

Still dripping wet and fresh out of the shower, Jason at least has a white towel wrapped around his waist; hiding his goods that Gabi wanted to see so desperately. He’s really tall, must be 6’2 or something close to that. She takes note that Jason is all man: there’s absolutely nothing that screams ��boy”. Gabi inhales hard when she watches his large hand run through his soaked dark hair. The other hand holds the towel tightly around his hips.

“Hi,” Jason smirks at Gabi. She notices his eyes are green, almost like emeralds. He smiles at her, even his white teeth are perfect. “So, you’re Gabi. Y/N’s told me a lot about you.”

“She-she has?” Gabi chokes out. Why is it so hot in here? Why can’t she speak?

Her eyes zero in on the droplets of water running down his strong as fuck built chiseled chest and perfectly sculpted abs that she really wants to lick and bite his skin.

Holy fuck...

Gabi scolds herself for thinking such inappropriate thoughts about her best friend’s boyfriend. Even though Gabi’s never fantasized Bobby this kind of way, she realizes Y/N’s lucked out. Bobby wasn’t in shape or even remotely attractive like Jason.

“Of course, she has. You’re one of her best friends, and I’m happy to finally meet you. I would go over there to shake your hand and properly greet you, but I’m uh...not exactly dressed yet,” Jason chuckles, and almost seems shy now. “I’m gonna go get dressed real quick so we can talk.”

You don’t have to. You can stay the way you are. You can even drop the towel, Gabi thinks improperly.

Y/N smiles softly at Jason as they watch him leave. True to his word, Jason returned in a pair of black sweatpants and a white t-shirt and took a seat next to Y/N. Throughout their comfortable and pleasant conversation, Gabi truly sees the way Jason cares about her best friend. Midway through their talk about what happened to Bobby, Jason clearly was paying attention and rubbed caressed Y/N’s thigh when Gabi recounted the latest scary fight with Bobby. Whenever Y/N looked shocked or worried, Jason made sure to calm her down through touches, forehead kisses, and whispers words along the lines of love, probably.

It almost makes Gabi jealous. Y/N’s life is clearly so much better than what Gabi had going on for herself. Jason seems like the perfect gentleman; always does and says the right thing. Gabi’s never seen a man pay so much attention to a woman before. Not only did he offer Gabi his advice and opinions on getting a better and more affordable apartment on their street, but Jason even voiced his hatred for Bobby, and even went on to criticize the man for treating women so poorly. He even made a joke about finding the man and breaking his legs; making Gabi and Y/N laugh their asses off and making the energy around them fun again.

But for some reason, Gabi couldn’t help but notice that Jason wasn’t laughing as hard as she and Y/N were. It almost seemed like Jason was serious about breaking Bobby’s legs, but Jason wouldn’t do that. She was sure of it.

He wouldn’t, would he?

By the time midnight came, the three of them stood up and decided to go to bed. Jason even surprised Gabi by giving her a hug and telling her that she can stay in their guest bedroom for however long as she wants and needs.

“I’m serious, kid. Don’t even worry about it. You mean so much to Y/N, and so therefore, you mean a lot to me, too,” Jason had said as he pulled back from their hug.

Gabi was speechless to say the least. She didn’t want the hug to end. He felt so good in her arms and he smelled so fucking good.

But it was bedtime now, and once Y/N and Jason had shown Gabi the guest bedroom, they went off to bed to let Gabi get comfortable. It wasn’t long for Gabi to quickly clean herself up and put on some plain pajama shorts with a tank top. As soon as she turned off the light, she was amazed by how big and comfortable the bed was. She figured it must be new and is probably the first person to sleep in here. In just a few minutes, exhaustion took over and Gabi fell into a deep sleep.

Her throat was dry. That’s what awoke Gabi at two in the morning and made her climb out of bed and go search for a bottle of water. She made sure to tiptoe out of the room and walk slowly and quietly to the kitchen.

As soon as Gabi made it to the end of the hallway, she stops dead in her tracks when she hears moaning. A woman moaning.

Her mind registers that it’s Y/N moaning. But why is she moaning in the living room?

Curiosity forces Gabi to peek out into the living room and see what’s going on, despite the logical part in her mind is screaming at her to have some respect for her best friend and her boyfriend.

But being a pervert outweighs being a prude.

Gabi is utterly shocked to her core when she sees her best friend straddling Jason’s lap. On the red couch where they sat a couple of hours ago, Gabi sees Y/N and Jason making out heavily. She couldn’t unsee it; she wants to keep watching them.

Gabi even sees the vanilla candle is lit again, after Jason had blown it out before they all went to bed.

But all Gabi could see is Jason’s fingertips digging hard into Y/N’s exposed flesh from where her tank top is pushed up above her bare tits. Y/N shamelessly moans in between the evident delicious kisses, and grinds against Jason’s apparent bulge.

Gabi quickly notices an isolated leather recliner that’s against the wall near the hallway. She throws herself down, sinks into the chair and watches the practically live porno show in front of her.

Jason pulls back from the deep kiss, revealing his red, swollen lips from where Y/N’s been biting and sucking since the beginning. He rests his head back against the couch and looks up with hazy, lustful eyes as Y/N grins down at him. She bites her bottom lip and pulls up her tank top, removing her top completely from her body.  

“Fuck...what the hell are you doing to me, sweetheart?” Jason asks breathlessly. He runs his hands up Y/N’s back and moves them to her front where he reaches for both her tits.

“I’m slowly...and softly killing you,” Y/N says, closing her eyes and moans when Jason gently grabs both her tits in his hands; her breasts fill his hands perfectly.

“I’d say...” he says, before sighing contently when switches from pinching her nipples to squeezing her tits before he sits up straighter and pulls Y/N’s body closer to lick and suck her sensitive nipples.

“Oh, fuck...oh Jay...feels so good,” Y/N moans louder than before. She whimpers and continues to rub herself against him. “I need to cum...please make me cum, Jay...”

Jason pulls back from her chest and gazes into Y/N’s eyes. “You wanna cum, doll? Do you want me to make you cum?”

“Yes, please...I need you so bad!”

“No, I don’t think you need to cum,” Jason teases, before he pulls off his own t-shirt. “Now, I’m going to take off the rest of your clothes, but if you touch your pussy, I ain’t going to fuck you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Y/N snaps. Her cheeks are flushed from being aroused.

Jason smirks at Y/N’s frustration.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, sweetheart. I’m going to check how wet you are,” Jason explains, as he raises Y/N off his lap to pull down her pajama pants and panties; leaving her completely bare on his lap. “If you’re soaking wet, then I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you’ll be feeling me for days. But if I have to make you wet, then that means I get to do whatever I want to this pussy.”

“But-”

Jason runs his hand up Y/N’s thigh until his fingers glide over her bare pussy. His fingers gently push inside her, he can feel the wetness, but wants to see it for himself.

“Stand up and put your pussy in my face,” he demands.

“What?”

“I want to taste your delicious pussy right now. Don’t make me get up and literally put you on my shoulders to eat you out,” Jason threatens.

Y/N slowly moves to stand up carefully on the couch. Her legs are shaking, but Jason quickly grabs her to hold her steady. He doesn’t waste any time, and he dives into her pussy as if he’s a starving man.

“Oh fuck!” Y/N cries out.

Jason’s tongue on her clit is what she wants the most right now. He squeezes her thigh and flicks his tongue side to side until Y/N fears she’s either going to fall back or fall over him.

Y/N notices one of Jason’s pull up bars is above her. How convenient.

She grabs a hold of the bar to hold herself up just as he decides to slip a finger inside her. Holding herself up allows him to remove a hand from her thigh. He takes the opportunity to slip another finger inside and pumps them in and out fast.

Y/N’s body trembles when Jason curls his fingers and strokes the sensitive wall that he’s mastered so well. He can tell she’s close. She must have been excited earlier when they planned to stay in last minute. He manages to look up at her and he can see she’s barely holding on.

“You’re so close aren’t you, babe? You taste so fucking good that I want you to cum on my face. I want you to be my dirty girl tonight,” Jason says as he finger-fucks her harder and faster than before. “Are you going to be my dirty girl tonight?

“Yes! Fuck yes! Just-just make me cum, please!” Y/N cries out desperately, needing the push that Jason could only give her.

“You are my dirty girl. You love it when I make you cum with just my fingers and mouth. But I bet you want my cock right after, huh?” Jason asks, chuckling darkly when Y/N’s eyes roll back when he speeds up his fingers inside her. “You wanna ride me, don’t you?”

“Yes-yes I do...” she’s panting now.

“Okay, I want you to cum in my face and then quickly get on my lap and ride me. Fast, slow, hard, whatever, you pick. I just want to feel your warm, tight pussy around my dick, okay?” Jason says, quickly shoving his sweatpants and boxers down to his feet. “Fuck...give me your pretty, tasty pussy, sweetheart!”

And then Jason finally gives in. He pulls both her thighs to bring her pussy to his face. Y/N whimpers when he licks all around her wetness, and he hums in approval when he feels her hand stroking his scalp and pulling his hair, while she continues holding herself up with only one hand now.

The vibration from his humming helps her reach her release. He continues to thrust his fingers inside her and sucks her clit until she gushes in his face.

Y/N manages to silent most of her orgasm, but it didn’t help when Jason continued to lick and suck at her clit to swallow most of her juices. Once her body relaxes, she lets go of the pull up bar and drops down to the couch. Y/N quickly straddles Jason’s lap until her pussy is hovering above his hard cock.

“Spit on my cock, doll. Get it nice and wet,” Jason says, as he watches Y/N spit in her hand and stroke his thick cock until he’s nice and ready for her. “How are you going to ride me, sweetheart?”

Y/N slowly looks up into Jason’s dilated, misty eyes. “Deep. Hard. And fast,” she says.

Jason swallows hard but is able to quickly smirk up at Y/N before she takes full control. “Then ride me, sweetheart. Fuck yourself on my cock like the dirty girl you really are.”

Y/N finally lowers herself onto Jason’s cock, all logic and common sense flies out the window. Whenever his cock was deep inside her, they both tend to lose themselves and the world around them. Because whenever they were connected emotionally and physically in their bubble, nothing else fucking matters in the world.

When Jason fills her up completely, they both release a content sigh. They usually take their time in the beginning, mostly because of their fears whenever Jason leaves to work as Red Hood. But since they’re both so horny and want to cum sooner, they’ll have to just take their time during round two.

“Fuck me, sweetheart. Fuck yourself silly on my dick,” Jason moans, but he and Y/N laugh at the “silly” part, when he realizes that’s not very sexy.

But Y/N understands and slowly lifts herself up his lap until just the tip of Jason’s cock is inside her. She keeps a steady pace, lifting herself and lowering herself, until their rhythm flows. Within seconds, Jason helps her by holding her hips tightly and thrusting his hips in time with hers.

“Your cock is so big inside me, Jay. You fill me up so good,” Y/N moans and rides him a little faster; wanting the head of his cock to rub hard and relentlessly against her g-spot. She guides one of his hands off her waist to move towards her pussy, encouraging him to rub her clit. “I wanna cum again, Jay.”

“Yeah? You like ridin’ my big cock, you dirty girl? You want me to fill your pussy with my cum?” Jason asks, watching Y/N’s tits bounce while she rides his cock faster than before. He can’t help himself, he uses a free hand to pinch her nipple and leans in to bite and suck her breasts, until he puts his hand back to her hip to guide her thrusts. “You want me to fill you up with my cum?”

“Yes! Yes, please!” Y/N begs.

“Okay, my dirty girl. I’ll give you what you want.”

Well, Jason knows now that this is going to end fast, but he refuses to let it end without Y/N cumming hard again. He squeezes her hip with one hand and the other hand rubs her clit fast in messy circles. He begins to pull her down to meet his thrusts, fucking her harder and faster with everything he’s got. The squelching sound from his cock fucking up into her wet pussy becomes more noticeable, especially when their skin-on-skin slapping gets louder and harsher that echoes in the living room.

“Fuck...Y/N, you’re getting so tight. You feel so fucking good baby,” Jason pants hard, completely sweating and keeping his fast and erratic pace to get them to their releases. “Fuckin’ cum on my big cock, sweetheart. I wanna feel you cum so bad. Please cum for me, again.”

Y/N keeps her eyes on Jason just as her orgasm hits her hard; she squeezes and gushes around his cock, she calls out his name. Jason thrusts harder in her three more times, as he finally cums hard inside Y/N, calls out her name as quietly as he could. Y/N collapses against Jason’s chest, despite being hot and sweaty, but he doesn’t mind. He wraps both arms around her and holds her while they regain their breaths and can function normal again.

Y/N doesn’t see the loving smile Jason gives her as he kisses her forehead. “I love you,” he whispers, and hugs her tighter.

She looks up at him and smiles. “I love you, too.”

Before Y/N can lie her head against Jason’s chest again, she notices Gabi sitting and watching them. Y/N jumps up and covers her breasts with her arms, causing Jason to jump in panic and turn around to see what’s going on.

“Gabi! What-what the hell are you doing there?!” Y/N cries out in embarrassment. She can feel her cheeks are getting red again.

Gabi slowly gets up from the chair and makes her wave into the kitchen. She finds bottled water in the refrigerator, takes one, and goes back into the living room where Jason and Y/N are still frozen in fear.

“I-I was thirsty,” Gabi answers, even though she knows it sounds like a lame answer. She walks backwards until she reaches the hall. “And-and then I saw you guys, and then I couldn’t stop watching. I’m sorry, Y/N...Jason...”

But before Gabi leaves, she points a finger at Jason and smiles. She even chuckles. “But-but in my defense...he’s really sexy! He’s fucking gorgeous, Y/N, and you’re one lucky bitch! You’re so lucky!”

But Gabi is right about that.

Y/N is lucky...because she has Jason.

[squidproquoclarice]

Can you talk more about Demisexuality and Arthur in Sunrise? Am I right in saying Sadie is too? I’m not fully aware of what the term means but curious about it :)

OK, so for clarity: demisexuality is under the asexuality umbrella.  It’s when you don’t feel sexual attraction except after a strong emotional bond (and even then it’s a maybe).  I hear a lot of “Wanting to sleep with people you care about is just ‘normal’, it’s nothing special,” and that’s not really right. The difference between being demi and being allosexual but preferring emotionally bonded sex is that demis, like other asexuals, really don’t experience sexual attraction based on looks.  In other words, they don’t ever look at someone and just realize, “God, I’d take them home in a minute, they make me horny.”  Not to say they can’t appreciate a good looking person, but it’s like appreciating good looks in someone who isn’t your type.  It’s aesthetic, not sexual. But they can (no guarantee, however) possibly develop that attraction for someone after getting emotionally close to them.  That’s what’s called secondary sexual attraction.  Let’s be clear--demis and other aces can have a sex drive/libido.  They can masturbate.  They can have sex, and enjoy sex.  They can also do none of those things, and that’s valid too.  But sexual attraction =/= sex drive.  Aspec is more about not having a person or people there with whom you want to use libido.   Here’s a quick, simplified comparison: “I’m hungry, and what I really want is a donut” (allo preferring emotionally bonded sex) and “I’m not hungry at all (ace) and “I wasn’t hungry at all, then I saw that donut and now I want it, but that’s the only thing that sounds good (demi)”.  (NB: Any and all errors in explaining any of this are my own.) Turning to the Sunrise portion: I do write Arthur as very clearly demisexual, and I do see Sadie as being likely in that direction as well. Arthur, in contrast to numerous other men in the gang who show sexual interest even in more limited NPC roles (Charles, Javier, John, Sean, Micah, and Dutch for sure, others seem implied), shows pretty much zero interest all the hours we spend with him, despite ready and easy opportunities.  I do think guilt over Eliza plays into it, yes, and there’s probably some element of self-punishment in the idea that he’s seemingly given up on romance, sex, and his dreams of being a husband and father.  But that doesn’t feel like the only reason.  There’s not really the tension of a man who’s chosen to be celibate but still has to fight against attraction and ready opportunities.  The only clear craving we get from him is a very strong need for emotional attachment, for love.  That really seems to point more to him absolutely needing, rather than preferring, that kind of intimacy first.   Sleeping with Eliza certainly happened given Isaac, and the fact they almost definitely weren’t romantically involved doesn’t disprove Arthur as aspec.  It could have been a youthful attempt to conform to the expected image of “manliness” by sleeping with her.  It could have been, like I wrote, a very drunken night where he was pining for Mary after their break-up. For Sadie, her deep attachment to Jake is clear and emphatic.  “We was always sweet on one another,” etc.  From how practical and earthy she is, it’s not hard to argue she and Jake probably had a very fulfilling sex life. Yes, her grief definitely plays into that attachment.  But that depth of feeling and fidelity to him, and how loyalty to those she loves is stressed as much in her char bio as Arthur’s, it also makes it easy to imagine her being demi herself, that she needs that partnership and intimacy to even be interested. Even in the Epilogue years later, we see no signs of her being interested in sex.  Given as generally cool and distant as she is and how we see a fairly firm control of her impulses compared to 1899, she’d probably be capable of casual sex if she was interested at all.  She’s living an unusual life where she’s living by masculine standards rather than feminine restriction, so I highly doubt she’d feel bound as a woman by the gendered double standard of chastity and refrain for that reason.  She could easily argue that it’s not betraying Jake using the old argument that it’s not meaningful, it’s not making love, it’s just scratching an itch.  But we don’t get that at all from her either.  Again, like with Arthur, that implied tension of denial isn’t there. So you end up with these two bi demi dramatic disasters who do the “Haha, yeah we’re saying we’re so married so we can stay together here in a strange place” thing for a long time and keep getting closer and closer as they think admiringly about how much they depend upon and love each other as friends, and pretty much everyone around them believes they’re married because of that love.  But again, zero sexual or romantic tension.  They can share a room.  They can touch and hug.  They can talk jokingly without it being flirting.  And to be clear, in different circumstances, they could very easily have continued like that for life and been queerplatonic partners, and been happy.  I don’t buy the “beyond a certain depth of feeling it has to turn romantic” idea.  Romantic love isn’t better or deeper or more “mature” than platonic.  It’s just a different shading. But as demis, then you hit the point for both of them where that romantic and sexual attraction did happen to switch on.  It’s not obliviousness to existing feelings and slowly overcoming that and realizing they’ve actually felt like that for a while.  It’s more of a full-stop oh shit moment where something exists abruptly that didn’t before.  They realize that they love this person in an additional way, and that the very comfortable enjoyment from being near them now suddenly has this facet of longing and excitement too.  Hits harder too for that feeling towards someone being so rare in both of their lives.  (And being the blessed idiots they are, panic ensues.)

[papatonyinsandiego]

I am dying, and that’s okay: an extraordinary life-history of love and accomplishment

My full-body paralysis is accelerating.  I have come to acceptance of my eventual fate.  Here is why:

Dozens of doctors, nurses, specialists and other professionals have done their very best for me.  Whatever medical predicament that has shown up in my life has proven to be so rare that it can’t be identified, cured or slowed down.  

So be it.  I can’t keep fighting it, because it just stresses everyone out, and doesn’t improve a damn thing.  The last year and a half have proved that.

We all die eventually.  If I were to be hit by a truck, I would die quickly.  I would hate to go away without hearing from my loved ones first, and without telling THEM how much pleasure it has brought me to know them.

Life stuck at home would be boring if I was alone and friendless.  I am as far from alone and friendless as any human could ever be. My loved ones (particularly my husband of nearly thirty years) have been vigilant, loyal and attentive.  Every day is an exercise in gratitude and blessings.

Now that so MANY fine folks know what is going on, I get love all day, every day.  It’s a little overwhelming, but I am coping.  I’m going out with a bang, but one that just keeps happening over a stretch of months.

I have never been motivated by awards - I have always been determined to achieve RESULTS, over and over, for my entire adult life.  Well, I can’t do that any more, so now it’s time to allow people to give me loving approval, blessings and awards, big and small.  I continuously get emails, phone calls and texts, with folks checking in, which thrills me, and fills my days with loved ones sharing kindness, and generosity of spirit.

We are completing our relationships with each other, while we have the chance.  What could be better than that?

If it was just the QUANTITY of friends that was showing up, that would be pretty darned nice.  However, the folks checking in are examples of QUALITY that have brought richness and deep, meaningful satisfaction to my entire life. Absolutely nothing else could bring so much joy to my existence.  We are loving each other for the very best reasons.

I am glad to say that my love for so many people has been returned at full measure, all along.  My natural, affectionate ways have made me show up with the personality of a big, sweet Saint Bernard puppy. 

That was because I had made a conscious decision to be that way, all of the way back in 1976.  

At that time, I was a desperate young leather punk who had survived a violently abusive childhood, and had attempted suicide twice already.  I was heading downward fast, until the day that I asked my oldest brother what I had been like as a small child.

He told me that I had been the sweetest child ever - Whenever there was something fun going on, I was right in the middle of it.  If someone was sad, I was the first one to comfort them.  If it was time to dance, or to sing loud and proud, I was the one who got the party started.

In the course of that long-ago, brief conversation, my life transformed instantly.  I made an adult decision: the only path out of my deep despair was to be true to my loving, open-hearted and generous nature.  I decided to treat everyone as my favorite sister or brother, and to always see the majesty and worth in everyone.  I have never regretted that decision.

Shortly after that, I found my Tribe - I was surrounded with love, respect and mentoring in the gay leathermen's community.  While I was in my early twenties, I interviewed men who had been together since the 1920’s, 1930’s and 1940’s, asking them how they had managed to make their love last.  I questioned hundreds of older, wiser men, asking them about interpersonal dynamics, finances, sex, coping mechanisms and everything else that could help me to be a better man.

Then, things got so very much worse, just a few short years later.  The men in my life started dying, and FAST.  The men who had meant so much to me were the first to go, and I felt so incomplete - I had never had a chance to tell them how much they had impacted my life for the better.

At that time, nobody knew how AIDS was spread.  Was it transmitted through saliva, or touch, or could it be breathed in through the air?  We were all terrified.  The tightly-bound community that had shared the 1970′s rocket-ship to the stars instantly crumbled as we ran away from each other in terror.

I showed up at the hospital to visit a young man who had changed from a thriving, lively 21-year-old into a dying man in only three weeks’ time.  Nobody would go near him or comfort him. The nurses and doctors wore those full-body Hazmat suits, IF they even dared to enter his hospital room.  Most didn’t.

My young friend was dying fast, and he knew it.  In his fear and despair, what he wanted more than anything else was to be HELD, but nobody would come within fifteen feet of him.  As I stood in the doorway, he cried and cried.  I made a fateful decision that I have never regretted.  I crawled into that cold, sterile hospital bed with him, and I gave up my fears.  I held him, loved him and comforted him.  

This shocked the shit out of the medical professionals, but I didn’t care.  I was there in that same hospital bed, holding him on his final day, telling him “It’s okay to go now.”  After he died, I kept going back to the hospital again and again, and did the same loving service for around fifty men as they were dying.  I knew none of them before I came to them - they were all my brothers in need, and I had pledged whatever was left of my life to bringing them comfort when they needed it most.

While this was going on, I was attending two or three funerals a week, for years.  I stopped counting at 140 friends and loved ones who died in my life.  This left a terrible wound in my heart, and I suffered terribly from Survivor’s Guilt.  For years after, I stopped allowing myself to have friends, because I couldn’t bear the pain of investing in someone, just to watch them die.  AGAIN.  I had burned out.

Then, one day, I realized that I couldn’t hide out from life any more.  My life had led me to the point of taking on leadership in the kinky leather community.  Nobody loved us, wanted us or trusted AIDS-ridden, kinky scum like us.  So, _I_ would love us.

I started creating thousands of “Guaranteed Safe Spaces” - social events that were kindly, sweet and manifestly diverse.  I was determined that every man who showed up would KNOW that he was welcome, valued and would get what he needed most - affectionate brotherhood.  At that point in gay leathermen’s history, sex was easy to find, but true friendship and long-term love was difficult to find and maintain - We were too wounded from loss, and fear of intimacy.

My goal was to end the AIDS Holocaust phase, and to bring on the NEXT phase, which was kinder, contained more variety and was downright joyful.  I worked every day to make this happen, until I couldn’t any longer.  

My physical limitations have caused me to hand away the next phase to those who have gladly taken on the job.  I am surrounded by those men and women who have brought their courage, heart and idealism to the challenge of uniting us all in the best expressions of ourselves.

In the old days, San Diego’s kinky community was a toxic stew of bitterness, competition and zero-sum philosophy.  Decades later, we are known worldwide for having the lowest level of cynicism of any city on earth.  I like to think that I had some small part in San Diego’s well-earned reputation for sweetness, diversity and cooperation.  It takes a village to make that happen.  We all have to agree that we will settle for nothing less, and we DO.

I can rest now, knowing that the bright, eager and idealistic faces among us are taking on new challenges for the new days ahead.  I know these folks, having intensively mentored and befriended many of them.  I trust their bountiful natures, their true hearts, and their admirable character. I’ve seen our worst days, and after so many years, I see that our best days have arrived.

At this end of my life, I am endlessly grateful for the true friends who have brought me the deepest satisfaction.  I never got around to making my first million dollars, but that was never the goal.  In my opinion, I am richer than I ever could have imagined.  Yes, I have had challenges and setbacks, but with so many folks standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me over the years, we are co-creating the possibility of younger generations standing upon our shoulders.

I can ask for nothing better.  My work here is done.

[crimeronan]

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #406

“turned on all the lights, the tv, and the radio  /  still, i can’t escape the ghost of you”

Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you have any rare medical conditions? I believe AvPD is considered to be a rare mental disorder. Do you have to carry an epi pen? No. What color is your mailbox? I think it's black. I don't pay attention. Would you ever want a job working with animals? I'd love to. The thing is, without a degree in something, my duties working with animals would almost certainly involve cleaning up after them, which I am WAY too squeamish with fecal matter and vomit to do. It's extremely embarrassing, but I've never even been able to clean up after my own pets if they ever had an accident or got sick. I obviously couldn't do it with random animals. Did you have a good high school experience? It's... so odd, retrospecting on high school. In some ways, it was the best time of my life because of my memories with my friends and especially Jason, but at the time, I absolutely loathed it and was horribly depressed. But at least I saw a future for myself. I took better care of myself, all that stuff... That Brittany would be fucking mortified to get a glimpse at who she becomes. Have you ever watched any Monty Python movies? Which one is your favourite? I know I've seen some of at least one. Would you ever get a "below the belt" piercing? Nah. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No...? Like don't get me wrong at all, I am firmly against cheating under any circumstance, but for there to be legal retribution seems extreme. What is the greatest source of anxiety for you? My future. Are there any hallucinogenic drugs you’d like to try? Nah man. What made you choose your current job? I'm unemployed. Do you feel uncomfortable on the dance floor? Or are you confident with you dancing abilities? Oh hunny, you won't see me on the dance floor. Unless MAYBE if the Cha-Cha Slide comes on, or the Cupid Shuffle. That's as skilled as I get, haha. Is it exciting to you to imagine having an affair with a teacher? ... No??????????? It's fucking creepy. Adultery isn't exciting. Do you like your smile? No. I absolutely look high when I smile. What is something silly that you believed to be true when you were a child? That I could invoke the traits of any animal, which I just referred to as my "animal powers." Like for example, if I "called upon" a kangaroo, I could jump higher. I was a weird fucking kid. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you completely connected with on a mental/emotional level, but did not find physically attractive in any way? Was physical intimacy a problem? How did it work out? I was never really physically attracted to Girt, but it was never a big deal to me. I cared way more about his personality and how much he cared about me. We were never really "intimate," per se, we just would give each other a simple peck. It didn't work out, but not at all because of physical things. He was just too much of a brother to me. What classic or cult movie have you never seen and have no desire to? Hm. I know there's some, but I'm blanking. Does The Human Centipede count here? Like everyone knows about it, so I would assume it does. I have ZERO desire to see a second of that repulsive movie. Have you ever taken a real liking to a band/singer you never ever....ever thought you'd enjoy? Maybe Melanie Martinez? Her voice is so cutesy, as are some of her songs, but I really enjoy how dark her lyrics can be. People who know me would probably be shocked to hear I thoroughly like her. After seeing the movie Avatar did you suddenly view our Earth as ugly and/or boring? If you have not seen the movie, do you think it’s worth your time? I've seen a little bit of it, but I never finished it because I was very tired and chose to go to sleep. I actually do want to see the full thing, though; it looks very good. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? My parents are truly incredible with helping me the best they are capable of. They helped me pay for school, among other things, but I doubt they'd help with my first home, whenever that is. I wouldn't really want them to, either, because that's my responsibility for sure. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? I love video games, and horror is absolutely my favorite genre. I also love fantasy games though with deep stories. I've never been the best at playing super long games, like Final Fantasy games, even if I'm seriously invested in the story, though. I burn out. Have you ever sewn a garment? No. Are there any plants in the room you’re in? No. I don't bother with plants. What’s your highest level of education? Some college. What’s the most important thing in any kind of relationship? Proper communication, probably. If you wear lipstick, what’s your favourite colour to wear? I only really put on lipstick to occasionally take a picture, and it's pretty much always black. Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? Somewhere in the middle, I guess? Are there a lot of dragonflies around your house? I've never seen one around this house, and I doubt I ever will because it's too urban. When we lived in the woods, however, I saw them a lot. Of all the Disney couples, which one would you say is your favorite? Kovu and Kiara came to my mind first. Do you think it is cute/funny or disgraceful when a child swears? It's shocking, more than anything. You don't expect it. I don't believe it should be encouraged, but only because children just don't know when swearing really isn't appropriate. If/when you have a baby, how do you think you would want to decorate its room? I don't want kids, but I'll entertain the question and assume this is before the child is born and develops interests. Whether it's a boy or a girl, I'd probably go with a cutesy animal theme. Would you more likely buy a shirt with a picture of Mickey/Minnie Mouse, a Winnie the Pooh character, Snoopy, Hello Kitty, or Tweety Bird on it? None, honestly. Perhaps like, a gothic Hello Kitty. Of all the states you have been to, which one did you have the best experiences? Putting aside the AWFUL heat and humidity, I probably had the best time in Florida. I loved all the palm trees, seeing so many lizards on my grandma's patio, and going to Disney World was a blast. I liked that swimming pools were always warm, too. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was madly in love with him, so no regrets on that. If your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him? HA, BYYYYEEEEEEEEE MOTHERFUCKER. ZERO hesitation. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? He did, but I honestly don't know if he meant it. Is there anything you want to say to someone? It'll probably go unsaid for the rest of my life. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? Yikes, hard pass. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? Noooo thank you. Did you wake up in the middle of the night? I always do. Does your animal sleep with you? My cat does. Venus obviously sleeps in her terrarium, but she is in my room. Last color you dyed your hair? Red. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Very unlikely. I don't like my last name. What are you looking forward to? Hearing back again from the woman whose wedding I shot literally two years ago. I thought she ghosted me, but she messaged me the other day about seeing the pictures again and going through them to actually buy some. I don't know why the hell it took her two years, but whatever, I guess? I spent two whole hours resizing the files and re-adding the preview watermark (I deleted the OneDrive folder for space forever ago, but I have the files still), so I hate to sound like an ass, but she better buy something. Between sweating my ass off on location when I shot the wedding, editing those 100+ pictures two years ago, and now re-doing the previews, I have invested so much goddamn time into them that yeah, I think I have the right to be pretty damn salty if I don't hear back from her again. If your significant other cut sex out of your relationship for any reason, what would you do? It'd be whatever. I mean sure, that sort of intimacy is a very special part of serious romantic relationships to me, but I can live without it pretty easily. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Thank you for dinner" to my mom. She brought home Hardee's. Who are your godparents? I don't believe I have any. Do you like Gushers? omggggg yes Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? Nope. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character? Uhhhh what was it... The Shining, I think? I didn't really develop a favorite. Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her. Lisa. <3 She's one of my WoW friends. She'll talk your ear off, but I don't really mind. She is SO sweet and caring for other people and loves to cook. She recently had triplets, and seeing as she had a son only months before accidentally getting pregnant with the triplets, she's obviously been MEGA busy so we haven't talked much lately. When you’re being kissed do you like it when they hold your face? Yeah, but not too early on. Doing that has a promise of seriousness and passion in it to me, and it would probably weird me out if that happened too soon. Last thing that made you cry? My health. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah. I don't think it would look good on me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? If it's cool outside and I have a place to sit when I want to, yeah. Do people tell you that you have an accent? Only sometimes. It's definitely not as bad as your average Southerner, though. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Ha, what nice timing. I think they're very pretty, but I believe I went over in a recent survey how I don't encourage their usage in consideration of veterans with PTSD as well as being conscious of animals and the absolute terror it can cause for them. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? So my sister is a children's social worker, and she shares a LOT of stories with Mom (and me, if I'm present) that I can't listen to. The ones that involve pedophilia and/or rape, especially from the child's very own parent(s), I just cannot listen to. Period. It's so fucking repulsive and just unimaginable to me how even a monster of a human can commit something THAT goddamn vile. What’s your opinion of root beer? I'm not a big fan. I mean I can tolerate drinking some of it, but I don't really *enjoy* it. Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club, and what’s your opinion of it? I have, and I didn't get the appeal at all. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Oh god, I did. Those things are so creepy. If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Damien, most likely.

[avengerscompound]

The Proposal: Clint - One

The Proposal: Clint - A Hawkeye Fanfic

Masterlist (and to see what’s happens if you choose Sam or Tony)

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x F!Reader

Rating:  E

Word Count:  1533

Warnings:  Pregnancy, birth, smut (M|F, vaginal sex, oral sex)

Synopsis:  A drunken night leads you to sleeping with one of your best friends. 2 years later the two of you have been happily in a friends-with-benefits situation. Only now you want more. Not a relationship. You want to be a parent.

This is Clint’s Story

Clint - Chapter One

Sweat beads on your body and you throw your head back.  Clint’s lips latch onto your throat as soon as you expose it to him.  He sucks hard enough to mark you and you respond by digging your nails into his back.

You weren’t in a romantic relationship with Clint.  This arrangement you had was strictly friends.  It worked quite nicely really.  You had commitment issues.  He had commitment issues.  It was actually one of the least stressful relationships you’d been in.

It had started after one of Tony’s parties.  You were so horny and just flirting with anyone.  In the end, there were three people you considered targeting.  Sam, Clint, and Tony.  All had flirted back willingly.  You weighed your options carefully and decided that Clint was the lowest risk of the three.  He wasn’t looking for anything more.  Just a hookup.

You hadn’t really looked back since then.  He was still the wisecracking, coffee swilling idiot you were used to.  You still enjoyed getting up to trouble with him.  Only now, a few times a week that trouble moved into the bedroom.

Clint moans and he trails his fingers down your skin.  It makes your skin prickle and you arch up into his hand to try and increase the pressure created by his fingers.

“Oh no, no, my friend.  You know the rules.”  Clint scolds, moving his hands back from you so he’s still only barely touching your skin.  Goosebumps break out all over you and you moan.

“Stop being a tease, you asshole.”  You whine, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a kiss.  

He smiles into the kiss and starts thrusting harder into you.

The fuck buddies thing worked well on the whole part.  Only now you were starting to think it wasn’t the best decision you’ve ever made.  Not that you didn’t enjoy it.  Or that it had changed your relationship and you were falling for each other.  It was more a case of your biological clock had started ticking loud enough that you were having trouble ignoring it and you were worried that you’d wasted too much time being fuck buddies when you should have been trying to find the person who you could have the kids you always wanted with.

Your orgasm starts to crest.  Pleasure coiling through you, making your muscles clench and tremble.   Clint arches his back and starts flicking his tongue over your nipple.  You bring your hand between the two of you, making a ‘v’ shape around the base of his shaft with your fingers as you roll your thumb over your clit.

“Not fair.”  He groans, screwing his face up in an attempt to hold back his orgasm until yours happens.

The thing was when you looked at your life you did think that kids factor was missing.  What you didn’t think was missing was the husband factor.  You were happy with what you had.  You had great friends.  You had an apartment in the Avenger’s tower.  You were having sex regularly.  What you wanted was to be a mother.

Your orgasm breaks as you arch your back up against him.  He wraps his arms around you and holds your tightly against him, creating a sudden relief from the teasing he’d just been doing.  You cling to him as you ride through it, and he releases with you.  For a brief moment that is all either of you are.  Just the pressure of the release.

You collapse down into the mattress panting and Clint settles his weight on top of you, his head on your shoulder, his cock still buried inside you as his cock pulses and stills.  He kisses your neck softly and lets himself slip from within you, rolling onto his side.  He quickly tosses the used condom in the trash before looking back at you.

Post-coital Clint is almost a completely different man to the one you are with normally.  He’s cuddlier and he doesn’t seem as caught up in his head as he often is.  His eyes always look heavy, like he’s ready to sleep right away but he’s keeping himself awake just because he likes the little bit of actual intimacy you share after sex.

Not to mention, you often didn’t even have sex at night.  It was regularly just stolen moments between training or missions.  When it was at night though you both slept soundly, he was usually draped over you, like a human blanket.

“Did it mark?”  You ask, rubbing the spot on your neck where he was focusing his mouth.

His eyes flick down to your throat and when he looks up he has the decency to look a little sheepish.  “Yeah, looks that way.  Guess they’re all gonna know now.”  He teases.

You chuckle and shake your head.  “Because we’re so good at keeping secrets.”  You say, putting your head on his shoulder.  You trace your fingers over his chest.  There are dozens of bruises, and cuts at various stages of healing and you move your fingers in patterns around them like they’re obstacles in a maze.

“It’s going to bring scandal to the whole tower.  They’ll force us to get married.”  He adds, pressing his lips against the top of your head.

You look up at him.  “I want to have a baby.”  The words are out of your mouth before you even realize you’re saying them.  You had intended on talking to Clint about your dilemma, but not like this.

He jumps away from you so fast that he ends up falling off the edge of the bed.  You move to the side and look down at him rubbing his head.  You start laughing.

“That’s not a very funny joke.”  He says, looking up at you.

“It’s not a joke, Clint.  I want to have a baby.”  You reply.

Clint gets up and starts pulling on his clothes.  “If you wanted to stop doing this, you just had to say.  You don’t have to go all weird on me.”  He said, hopping on one leg in an attempt to put his jeans on.

You get out of bed and push him down so he falls onto the mattress.  “I never said anything about wanting this to end.  I said I want to be a parent.  Now cut it out and talk to me.”

He looks up at you with a scowl on his face.  “I don’t know what you want me to say? Are you pushing for a relationship?  I don’t … I can’t…”  He shakes his head.  “Put some clothes on I can’t have this conversation looking into those.”  He says, gesturing to your breasts.

“Jesus Christ, Barton.”  You groan.  You go grab a tank top and a pair of panties and pull them both on, before sitting next to Clint at the end of your bed.

You put your hand on his thigh and he looks at it.  “What we have works.  The whole ‘happily ever after’ romantic thing has never stuck for me.  I absolutely do not want to change what we have going.”  You explain.

“So… what then?  Just needed to get it off your chest?”  He asks you looking up into your eyes.

You shake your head. “I’m going to do it.  I’ll do it alone if I have to.  I guess I was telling you partly because things might change a bit if I’m a parent.  Maybe you won’t be interested in doing this anymore.”  You take a deep breath in steeling yourself for the next bit.  “I’m hoping that maybe you’ll agree to help me out with one key thing I’m missing.”

Clint groans and collapses back onto the bed his hands covering his face.  “Are you insane?  I’d be a terrible fucking parent.  I don’t even like admitting when someone is my friend.”

You straddle his lap and look down at him.  “I’m not asking you to be a parent.  I’m asking you to be a sperm donor.  You are welcome to take on any level of participation you like after that.  From none to full father figure.”

Clint groans and looks back up at you.   “What will you do if I say no?”

You let him go and shrug when he turns back to face you.  “Dunno.  Maybe ask Tony.  He’s gettin’ on and maybe needs an heir to take over the business.”

“Stark!”  Clint yelps.  “No!  I refuse to let you go and ask Stark to be your baby daddy.”

You lean in and kiss the side of his neck.  “Well, you know what you need to do then don’t you?”

Clint cups your jaw and looks into your eyes again.  “I need time to think about it. Okay?”

You smile at him.  “Of course you do.  Take as much as you need.  I don’t want to rush this.”  You say, rolling your hips against his and tracing your fingers down his chest.   “In the meantime.  How about we do something that absolutely has zero chance of making a baby?”

“I didn’t do great at school, but I’m pretty sure this might be how babies are made.”  He snarks.

“Not the way we’re gonna do it.”  You smirk.

// NEXT

[janiedean]

Two worst takes on JxB I had to read with my own two eyes: (1) Brienne was shamed for being a virgin by Tyrion and was peer-pressured into having sex with Jaime; and (2) Jaime took advantage of Brienne because she was drunk. And here I thought nothing can be dumber than "Arya x Gendry was abusive because Maisie is short".

.................. okay like I’m gonna say it once and never again because honestly I’m tired of seeing that scene being dissed when it was imvho pretty good, but.

that was an obvious set-up. like, it’s the middle ages. they’re drunk. tyrion obviously had planned for it to get to that point so she’d drink and jaime would have the opening to go like WELL I’M DOWN WITH DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I mean okay it was a fanfic but it wasn’t shaming, it was setting them up. now, we can discuss for a year about how it could have been more courteous and whatever but like, are we seriously expecting tyrion lannister ie mr. ‘I slept with a lot of people in my life and most of them were prostitutes and I have endless intimacy issues because of my shitload of amount of traumas’ to come up with anything else? like, there was no peer-pressure by anyone because she could have just thrown jaime out if she didn’t want him, and it was obvious from the rest that she really did want him and viceversa. like, guys, it’s not that deep. it’s really not that deep. I’ve read endless fanfics that weren’t canon setting where the virginity thing ends up being the catalyst for them to bang. and I say it as someone who was both virgin-shamed and peer-pressured about it back in the day - I 100% understand why people might find it uncomfortable but as far as I’m concerned the intention matters more than the performance and it was obvious that both tyrion and pod set the entire thing up so those two would get over themselves and be happy. and ngl if someone had paid me that favor with someone I liked back in the day I sure af would have preferred being outed as a v-card owner like that then supposed friends showing up after losing theirs like ‘oh I hear you’re the last one left in the club :))))’, like it was not meant badly and tyrion didn’t mean to shame her and it was plain obvious, sometimes things are... really.... just what they look like?

*sigh* she was drunk... and he was drunk and none of them was so drunk they couldn’t consent. also, at the cost of going TMI again: let’s just say that if you get to not have lost your v-card by the time it’s deemed socially acceptable (back in my time if you were older than sixteen, a virgin and not for personal choice you were basically a laughing stock as much as some people around here don’t like to admit that stuff happens) and if you don’t abstain from drinking, let me assure you you might want a drink. or two. or ten. like, not to the point of getting smashed because of course not, but it’s absolutely normal and common and sadly a thing that you might want to get some alcohol in you to lose enough fucks to give it a go instead of overthinking it, and especially with those two it really does make sense that if they had to lose it outside an adrenaline-fueled situation it would happen. like sorry to go and be like that, but: she’s in her thirties, never slept with anyone, doesn’t think people find her desirable or attractive and has never conceived that she might actually have choices and she was like WTF OMG IS HE JEALOUS, and she never really even smiled before this season. not once. he is in his forties, has never had a healthy relationship with anyone, doesn’t know how to flirt for shit, the only person he ever was with was his twin sister in a toxic af relationship and he has endless self-worth issues to the point that he most likely thinks she deserves endlessly better than him. like. these two are literal fucking disasters and he’s a worse disaster than her and let me tell you, having been in her place, she also is a damned disaster. those two needing to drink to get over themselves isn’t coercion, it’s........ actually one of the most realistic things they have pulled this time round because like I know that we read that scene in a bunch of fanfics and reality would have disappointed at least some and it could have been longer and we had higher expectations, but as it was it made sense, there was no taking advantage of anyone especially because they just acted on stuff they had been not acting on for years and they only drank to get over it and that’s actually how it goes a lot of times. like I was discussing personal experience first but a bunch of people I know went for a drink or two or three if they were nervous before having sex with someone because like, that loosens you up and makes you a lot less awkward if you can handle it half-decently. which those two obviously could do since it didn’t seem to me like that kiss was one-sided. and I did like that the kiss was like that because okay fine the a+++ romantic beautiful perfect first kiss would have also been nice, but like... realistically speaking that was less likely than those two stumbling at it, never mind that your first kiss is usually like that in romance novels because the first time you do it especially if one of you is inexperienced it’s really not that refined. I mean we can discuss for ages how they ended that episode because lmao that was bad writing, but how they got together? jfc I mean I get that everyone might have had different expectations or higher, but I really didn’t feel like it was coercion or cheapening it, especially given that in the show they’re also aged up and I really doubt that brienne at thirty has the same expectations about losing the v-card that her book counterpart would have had at nineteen. *shrug*

like I know it’s’ subjective and so on but like............ sometimes things really aren’t that deep, and tbqh I personally had zero issues with that scene and the lead-up given the context and everything. obviously if they had also another five minutes of WE ACTUALLY SEE THEM HAVING SEX AND KISSING SOME MORE I’d have appreciated but if that was virgin shaming............... lmao guys sorry but again I wish that all the virgin shaming I had to hear until high school was done and over was like that, as in, aimed at making me lose it with the guy that I liked by someone who was trying to help in the best way they could. fff.

[scripts4dreamers]

Misunderstood

AN: It’s just another boring day at Nissen until, of course, your world turns upside down Characters: Christoffer Schistad, William Magnusson, Los Losers Pairings: Chris x reader Warnings: None Spoilers: None Prompt: “Hey! Can you do a Chris Schistad imagine where him and reader are always together and have a thing but aren’t 100% official like in lunch you can find her sitting between his legs or at party’s his arm around her and then Eva walks up and is all over him which pissed the reader off. And at school she tries to ignore them and he notices and pulls her in a classroom and they talk and he reassures her he has no feelings for her. Thanks so much!!”

---------------------

“You talk such shit, you know that?” You laughed, leaning shifting closer so that your back was resting against Chris’ chest.

“You love me though,” he joked, fiddling with the edges of your sleeves.

You snorted and rolled your eyes, “Whatever helps you sleep at night Schistad.”

“You could help me sleep at night if you want Y/N,” Chris teased, and you could practically feel his smug smirk.

The sounds of the party rose and fell like tides; the heavy thrumming of the music was accompanied by the chatter of your classmates and the familiar sound of people moving and breathing together. You sighed and leant your head back against Chris’ chest. He hummed happily in response and nuzzled into your hair, a movement that was so familiar to you and yet still made something in your blood boil. His nose touched the soft skin of your neck accidentally, followed by the feather-light brush of his lips and you bit back a gasp as your heart skipped a beat. He was drunk and he couldn’t possibly know what he was doing. You needed to get yourself under control.

“There’s the happy couple,” William boomed, collapsing in the chair next to you with a smile, shattering whatever tension may have been forming.

He was drunk, which wasn’t unusual, but William was usually far more reserved than this, far less frantic and…well…happy.

“We aren’t a couple,” you reminded him with a sigh, reaching back to card your fingers through Chris’ hair when he made a quiet noise of agreement, “we’re just really good friends.”

William laughed, but didn’t disagree, “Yes, of course sorry, I forgot that we were still playing that game. Well then, Chris, considering that you’re a single man, I feel totally fine asking you to come be my wingman. There’s a pretty little first year here that I want to impress.”

You felt Chris hesitate for a moment, his arms tightening around your body protectively, as though to stop you from leaving. Something about that, about the way his whole body strained to keep you close, suddenly alerted you to the intimacy of your position between his legs, and you cleared your throat to stop yourself from blurting out something embarrassing.

“What’s this one’s name then William?” you asked as you disentangled yourself from Chris, trying to distance yourself discreetly, “You’re not still after Vilde, are you?”

William laughed again and you cast a nervous look at Chris, who seemed to be inspecting his own hands with an alarming intensity. Maybe he’d noticed the frightening intimacy too, maybe he was trying to find a way to let you down easily, to remind you that you were, after all, just friends.

“No, not Vilde, her name is Noora,” William told you, smiling in a way that seemed to light him up from the inside.

“Oh, I know her,” you said quickly, “she’s a tough one. You might need to actually treat her like a human being for once in your life.”

“Come on, I’ll go with you,” Chris told William, standing up suddenly, “sounds like you’ll need all the help you can get.”

William’s face broke into a wide smile, “Yes! The Penetrators ride again, let’s do this!”

“You’re still coming back to William’s with us, right Y/N?” Chris asked.

You nodded but then paused and shook your head, “I’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow, so I’ll probably just go home. Don’t worry about me though, go have fun.”

Chris pressed his lips together, frowning slightly, but nodded once in return before following William into the next room. Alone suddenly, you sighed and looked around, wondering what you could do to pass the time. It wasn’t as though you didn’t have other friends, you did, they just weren’t Chris. No one was Chris really, and that was a huge part of the problem. Without him, the sounds of the party became nearly overwhelming, and you felt naked and exposed without the familiar weight of his body beside yours. You thought about the ghost of his lips against your neck and, almost imperceptibly, you shivered.

“Chin up Y/N/N,” you whispered to yourself, focusing again on reality, “it’s just another party.”

And, with that, you pushed yourself up off of the couch and waded your way towards the front door. You could lie to Chris and William all you wanted, but you couldn’t lie to yourself. Without them, there was no point being at the party anymore and so, with one last look over your shoulder, you left.

-----------------

Monday, as usual, came too soon and, as you strolled through the gates of Nissen, you were really only half awake. You’d spent the whole of Sunday trying to finish a paper for Norwegian that should’ve been done on Friday and cursing yourself for your poor time management skills. At this point, your blood had to be at least 15% coffee.

“Y/N,” a second year, Iben, called, “hey, how are you?”

“Good,” you answered with a polite smile, “How about you?”

“I’m also good, did you hear about William?”

You frowned, “No, what happened?”

Iben’s smile turned mischievous and she leant forward conspiratorially, “Apparently some first year girl turned him down in front of the whole third year class and Chris vanished off with one of her friends, so William had no back up whatsoever.”

You tried to mask your shock. It wasn’t like William to strike out, especially with a first year and, even more so, it wasn’t like Chris to abandon his friend for a girl. Something uncomfortable and hot coiled in the pit of your stomach when you thought about Chris with another girl.

“Oh, wow, that’s unusual,” you commented, pushing the nagging feeling away.

Iben nodded, “I just thought I’d let you know, since you’re such good friends with them and all that.”

You forced a smile and gave her arm a quick squeeze, “Thanks Iben, I appreciate it, really.”

As you made your way further into the school grounds, you turned the information over in your head. Why hadn’t William told you? Why hadn’t Chris told you? If you were honest, that one hurt the most. Chris usually told you everything and so you would’ve expected him to trust you with this too. Your eyes scanned through the crowds of students milling around until they landed on Chris.

Instinctively, you started to smile and make your way over there. His eyes lit up as they met yours and he pulled you into a tight hug. Something in your chest relaxed. Everything was alright, you were sure Chris had just forgotten to mention-

“Chris!” A voice cheered, and suddenly Chris broke the hug and turned towards the new voice.

You tried not to pout and you turned to face the new comer. She was pretty, you noticed; with long red-brown hair and a bright smile, young too. She wrapped her arms around Chris and pulled him close, giggling at something he said as a bitter taste filled your mouth. This had to be her then, the girl who had so entranced Chris that he’d left William on his own. Selfishly, you wondered who she was and whether or not you could make her leave by pretending to need to talk to Chris on his own.

Eva, your brain supplied, her name was Eva. She was friends with Noora and Vilde and that girl Sana who you so admired. Chris and Eva. Together. They made, or would make, an attractive couple, you thought unhappily. Her hand was still on his arm now, and they were talking passionately, as though they’d known each other for years rather than days. The only signs that either of them knew about your existence were the looks that Chris would occasionally shoot your way, looks that you mostly missed. Before you’d fully had the chance to process the sight, Chris had sat down on a bench and Eva had clambered into his lap, laughing prettily at some joke.

You felt your stomach flood with ice water and your vision turned red with suppressed anger. Without another word, you turned on your heel and fled into the school building, pushing through the crowds as your eyes blurred with tears. You blinked them away furiously, swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t let something as stupid as Chris liking a girl turn you into a sobbing mess. He was a single man, he could do whatever, or whomever, he wanted. You had absolutely zero right to be angry.

You were though. You were angry and, no matter how much logic you threw at it, the feelings wouldn’t go away. So, like the rational and emotionally stable woman you were, you simply avoided him. For the whole week, you made it your personal mission to not be anywhere near Christoffer Schistad. In class, you pretended not to see him and chose seats on the opposite end of the room and, in the hallways, you avoided your locker and turned around whenever you saw him trying to make his way towards you and, when you arrived at school in the mornings, you strolled right past him without so much as a glance in his direction.

Was it unfair? Definitely. Did the look on his face, the sad, confused one, break your heart a little bit? Yes. Were you planning to stop? Not in the foreseeable future, no. Eva was, more often than not, with him, so it wasn’t as though he was on his own, you told yourself. It was kind of lonely without Chris by your side, but it was for the best. It had to be.

The days seemed to crawl by and, by the time you had to head towards your last lesson of the week, your iron-clad resolve had softened considerably. Your feet echoed along the hallway as you headed towards the science labs, going over the homework task in your head as you walked to avoid thinking about how utterly alone you were.

You never made it there though. Suddenly, hands gripped you and pulled you into the nearby empty French room. You shrieked in alarm, but a hand covered your mouth and muffled the sound.

“Shhh, it’s just me,” Chris assured you, looking slightly sheepish as he pulled his hand away.

You sighed with relief and pressed your hand to your chest in an effort to calm your pounding heart.

“Chris, what on earth are you doing?” you asked, forgetting for a moment that you were supposed to be ignoring your friend.

He looked down at the ground, shoving his hands in his pockets and avoiding your eyes. He looked awful, you noticed, with dark bags under his eyes, ruffled hair and a slightly pinched look to him, as though he was a bow string, pulled so tight that it was about to snap. Your heart clenched with concern as you took in his appearance. Of course, despite all that, he was still unfairly beautiful.

“I had to see you,” he answered, “you wouldn’t talk to me any other way.”

“So, you kidnapped me?”

Chris’s face flickered with irritation, “Don’t be so dramatic Y/N, the door is right behind you, you can leave whenever you want.”

You tried to make your legs move, but they were frozen in place and you realized, with a rush of shame, that some part of you needed Chris. There had been an ache in your chest all week and now, with him so close, it had finally gone away. At the end of the day, you were too selfish to walk away from that.

Uncomfortably, you shifted from foot to foot, “You look awful.”

Chris snorted, a half smile dusting his face, “I haven’t been sleeping,” he admitted, finally meeting your eyes.

“Why not?” You questioned.

Chris gave you an incredulous look and shook his head in disbelief, “Honestly Y/N? Really? Because my best friend has been ignoring me for a week and I have no idea what I did wrong!”

You flinched, feeling a tidal wave of guilt come crashing over you.

Chris stepped slightly closer, “Tell me what I did, please. Whatever it is, I’m sorry, really I am but I’ve been wracking my brain all week and I can’t think of what I might have done to-“

“Nothing,” you interrupted, feeling your traitorous eyes fill with tears as you crossed your arms over your chest. It was too much, having him this close, you needed to protect yourself, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Chris floundered, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to make sense of the situation he found himself in.

“Wha-then why-how come you’ve been avoiding me then?” he asked, his voice tinged with desperation.

You shrugged, “I-you and Eva seemed so happy I just didn’t want to-“

“Wait, me and Eva? What the hell are you talking about?”

You rolled your eyes, brushing a stray tear away, “Cut the crap Chris, I know you two are a thing now.”

Chris’ eyes widened and he took another step closer, resting his hands on your arms. You hated yourself for leaning into the touch.

“No, no, no-Y/N/N, you’ve got it all wrong-fuck you honestly have no idea how wrong you are,” he started, “Eva and I aren’t together. We don’t even like each other that way.”

You looked up into his eyes, ashamed of the fragile hope that had started to worm its way into your chest. Chris took your silence to mean that you were listening and he continued.

“Eva likes Noora. At the party, when William asked Noora out, Eva started to cry so I took her out to make sure that she was okay. We started talking and she kept going on about how badly she wanted to be with Noora and how hard it was pretending that she didn’t care and I-well-I guess I could understand that better than most so we just became friends.”

“Really?” You asked, covering your face with your hands to hide the wide grin that had begun to stretch across your face as a huge weight was lifted off your chest, “Oh my God, I feel like such an idiot. Chris, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s-it’s alright,” he assured you, his thumbs stroking along your arms, “Y/N?” he asked. You nodded and pulled your hands away to meet his eye, “If I’m wrong, please tell me, but is it-do you maybe have…feelings, for me?” he questioned. You flushed bright red, your eyes widening as you tried to come up with some way to prove him wrong, but he continued before you could answer, “I only ask because I have feelings for you and-I-fuck, I really like you.”

You closed your mouth as warmth spread through your body. He looked so nervous, so sincere and the glimmer of hope in his eyes was so fragile that it made you want to pull him close and never let him go. You thought back to all the moments the two of you had shared, moments that you’d written off as accidents or flukes because you’d been too afraid of being wrong. You thought about his arms around you, the feeling of his lips brushing your neck and your hands carding through his hair. Did you have feelings for Christoffer Schistad? What a stupid fucking question.

And, well, you don’t answer stupid questions. So, instead, you leant forward and pulled him close, pressing your lips to his as your fingers bunched in his t-shirt. You felt him gasp and, for a second you worried that you’d made a mistake, but then his hands came up to cup your face and he sighed with relief, as though you were the last breath of oxygen in the world. The kiss was passionate, but slow and gentle, like lava and it made your head feel like it was spinning.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered against his skin as you pressed kisses along his jaw, “I’m so, so sorry.”

Chris’ eyes fluttered shut and his fingers tangled in your hair, “It was you, you were the reason I understood Eva.”

He tilted your head up and captured your mouth with his own again, deepening the kiss and drawing a breathy moan from your lips.

“I know,” you panted, “but I’m still sorry.”

Chris chuckled, “So long as you keep kissing me, everything will be forgiven.”

You smiled, “That can definitely be arranged.”

------------------------

“Eva!” You called, still floating on a cloud of happiness despite your talk with Chris having been hours ago.

The first year turned, looking nervous. You were out at a shopping mall, looking for clothes for the party you were hosting tonight. Your stomach pinched with guilt when you remembered how badly you’d treated Eva, and you pulled her into a tight hug.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, I’ve been a real bitch. Thank you for being so nice to Chris,” you told her.

Eva smiled gently. She really was extra-ordinarily pretty. Noora was going to be a very lucky girl.

“It’s alright,” she said, “Chris really likes you, you know?”

You smiled, still in shock over that particular revelation, “I know and now, to make up for my atrocious behavior, I’m going to take you shopping. There’s a party at my house tonight and I’d love it if you came.”

Eva’s eyes widened, “Oh, thanks yeah that’d be awesome, but you don’t need to take me shopping. I’ll probably just wear what I usually wear.”

You shook your head, “Not tonight you won’t.”

By the time you and Eva arrived back at your house, the party was in full swing. The first year looked painfully nervous, but beautiful in a dress and jacket that you’d bought her.

“Y/N/N, are you sure that this is a good idea?” she asked.

“Yes, trust me, this is gonna be an awesome night,” you promised, catching Chris’ eye and giving him a wink.

He nodded and proceeded to welcome Eva with a cheer and steer her in the way of another girl, Noora, whose eyes had been glued to Eva from the moment she’d arrived.

“Hey there beautiful,” Chris greeted, wrapping an arm around you shoulder and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Hey,” you hummed, nuzzling into his neck, “nice job with the party, everything looks great.”

“I just hope that this actually works.”

At that moment, you and Chris watched as Noora dropped her bottle of water and pulled Eva into a kiss, tangling her fingers in Eva’s long hair.

You cast a smug look at Chris, “Oh, it’ll work,” you assured him.  

[datingadviceonreddit]

Okay. So this is my first post, and it’s a long one so bare with me.I have 3 characters, and just to keep everything clear and anonymous. Let’s say I have my girlfriend (who we will call “girlfriend”), cute girl from work (“cute girl”), and douchebag (he can stay as douchebag, rightfully.)I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. We live together, have bills, shared bank accounts etc. I love her I really do. We have even entertained th thought of getting married after college. However, before we were this serious, we had just moved in with each other and she cheated.Yes she cheats with douchebag. It wasn’t just a once night stand either. They texted each other for week and met up and shit. It sucked. Really bad. Almost ended it, but somehow we worked past it. The second I told her I was leaving her ass she figured it out pretty quickly. I let myself get sucked in again. It’s also been 2 years, but now I’m just starting to drift away from loving her “that” way.It really sucks tho because I’ve always told myself I would never entertain a cheater but I chickened out the second it happened to me.I mean, I can’t imagine my life without her. Maybe it’s the full time job and full time college messing with head. (Pre med if that matters) I don’t know. We don’t even cuddle at night, have sex, go on dates. None of it. I’ve been working nights so maybe that has been interfering with intimacy but I’m only doing it to keep us afloat since we are so young and just starting out.But this very nice girl from work has just caught my eye (as cliche as it sounds). I have tried so hard to stop thinking about her but every-time we work together I find myself talking to her. I catch myself doing this, then give her the cold shoulder the rest of the day because I will NEVER be unfaithful. Never. Im throwing this girl every which way and I can’t explain to her that I like her, and that’s the reason why I’m keeping my distance. That will make me sound like such a tool.Honestly Im just absolutely lost. Last night I had a dream about cute girl and it was vivid as hell. Something needs to happen. I need advice from stranger because I have zero friends while I work nd study my life away. Everyone is too shallow nowadays to keep something to themselves too anyways.Please help. via /r/dating_advice

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #329

“i keep it all inside because i know that man is everything but kind”

What is the best thing about your life right now? Uhhhhh... I guess from a realistic standpoint, my partial hospitalization program. I'm learning very important coping skills and have some social interaction almost every day. How was your second serious relationship different from your first? Did you approach relationships differently with some experience under your belt? My first serious relationship was made deeper than what was safe because I was 100% obsessed with him; meanwhile, with Sara, I feel I loved her in a wiser way and with a sense of self still present. I was definitely more hesitant to "let" myself fall in love again, though, and was very insecure at the start. Whose death affected you the most? My dog's, Teddy. What was the best time you’ve had with a complete stranger? I don't exactly make a habit of hanging out with complete strangers... Who has seen you at your absolute worst? How did your relationship change afterwards? Mom, Jason, Girt, and Colleen, probably. Girt showed up at the ER after my overdose (I was a dramatic fuck and wrote a suicide note on Facebook so I didn't just... go without telling some people things I definitely wanted to), and that's when my crush on him really kicked into gear again. He was and is just always there for me through everything. For Jason, I am quiiiiiiiite sure seeing me have an absolute catatonic breakdown the night of the breakup just pushed him away more. I probably looked crazy. Colleen also showed up at the ER after my suicide attempt, and it brought us closer. Then there's Mom, who's, you know, my mom, and my darkest times have always grown our incredible bond, too, because she would never fail to be there for me. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn is dope. What’s your favorite pasta dish? Just spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs. What color do you really want to dye your hair? My top three are pastel pink, light/creamsicle orange, and silver, but there are more. What’s your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue or emerald green. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Um, I don't break into places. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Sara gets super squeaky, bouncy, and just in general wordlessly excited at reptile shows. Going with her to one is one of my favorite memories, mostly just by watching her. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Have I ever been (awake) with friends past 3AM...? Idk. Do you have a favorite coffee shop? Describe it! Not a coffee gal. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Sara. (: When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Now THERE'S a fuckin question. I don't have the slightest idea. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? Thunderstorms; definitely not. Have you ever been to a Pride festival? No, but I'd love to. How open are you with your parents? I don't tell everything to my dad (though I know I could), but I'm an open book with Mom. Is there anything you’re more open about on the internet (such as on LiveJournal) than you would be in “real life”? I guess my sexual history. I'm just in general pretty open online. What is the most petty thing you’ve ever done? Oh, I'm CERTAIN it involves Jason after the breakup, but I don't know the "most"... What is the longest you’d be willing to wait to have sex in a new relationship? I myself don't want to until we're clearly serious and long-term by that point, and I know for a fact they're in love with me like I am them. I don't care how long they want to wait, though. I said in a previous survey that sex just... isn't that important to me. It's not my most cherished form of intimacy. Who has had the most positive effect on your life? My mama. Are there any relatives that you are not on speaking terms with? What happened? Most of the family doesn't talk to my aunt's literally psychotic, manipulative fuck of an ex-husband. I don't feel like it's my business to share exactly what happened, but yeah, fuck him with a chainsaw. :^) Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? It was more like an open invitation to all of her friends, but I guess you could say Summer. I did. I honestly wanna hang out again. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? Urine ones, yes: to 1.) test for UTIs and 2.) ensure I wasn't pregnant before surgery. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? Not every day, no. Can you remember the first video game you ever played? What about your first video gaming system? I don't. It was probably something with few controls, like this Barbie horse riding game my sisters and I loved, or an Elmo game that we had on a demo disc. I think you had to follow a path on a pogo stick picking up letters? We had a PS1 when I was born, so that was my first. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? By "video," I'm going to assume you're not including the computer, in which case I think it was The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon, which I was playing alone. It does have a two-player option though that I wanna do one day. The controls are definitely meant for two people. If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? There is no disc. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I always leave it on... Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? Hm, I don't believe so. Describe the last shirt you saw that you really liked. Where did you see it? It was definitely some sort of graphic tee on Facebook, I'm sure. It was something with an opossum design and a short phrase. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? The most recent vet visit was when we got Roman neutered. Do you have any bug bites on you right now? If so, where? No. When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I DID fish, yeah. Not because I was afraid to touch the fish, but because I was afraid of nicking myself with the inevitably dirty hook. Did you go to daycare when you were little? Only very briefly; my incredible separation anxiety from my mom made it extremely difficult. She very quickly chose our neighbors as my and my sisters' babysitters. I could handle that because I loved "Uncle Donny," the granddad of the family, and I could see my house from their front door. He was/is (idk if he's still alive) a wonderful man. Do you know what you’d have been named had you been born the opposite sex? No. Would you ever visit a nude beach? NOOOOOOOO THANK YOU. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Where is your favorite place to be kissed other than the usual place? Don't touch my neck if you don't have free time lmaooo. What is your favorite memory with one of your grandparents? I'm going to be completely honest: I have none that are exceptionally important to me. I only knew one grandmother most of my life, and we had a turbulent relationship. Would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships? Naaaaah son. What was the most drastic change you made to your appearance? Chopping 8+ inches of hair off. Is there anything you hope your significant other/future significant other never finds out about you? No. I don't want to keep secrets from them above all others. What are most of your Facebook posts about? If you're talking things I actually compose myself and not share, probably pictures of my pets, haha. Or small statements regarding political issues or mental health. What’s your favorite part of the song that you’re listening to? The beat. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? Probably my mom, idk. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Pretty hot. In the past year, have you lost weight or gained weight? How much? Gained... and I'd rather not share. What year was the last car you rode in/drove? I have zero clue, but it's old. What’s your worst/funniest experience with one of your neighbors? The neighbors at my childhood home had two wonderful rottweilers, but one day they got loose and killed at least one of our kittens. It died in my hands. Mom was fucking livid and sobbing. Besides this occasion though, we got along with them. How much alone time is too much for you before you start going crazy and want to be around people? It depends on the day, really, and how entertained I am in my alone time. Generally, one day of total isolation (from people, anyway) is enough for me to want my mom's company at least or to be texting Sara. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? A pizza roll burned my tongue just a tad. Honestly, are you shallow? Not at all. Besides clothes, shoes, and accessories, what’s your favorite thing to shop for? S N A K E S ! ! ! I could LIVE on the Morph Market website and "window shop." I love planning out the next morph I'm most interested in adopting. If you have/had any facial piercings, what side are they on? Any reason you chose that side? If you don’t have any, if you had to get a facial piercing what would it be and what side would it be on? I have a vertical labret on my lower lip that goes directly down the center of my face. I chose it because I love the symmetry. I've had my right nostril pierced twice, just because I preferred that side for whatever reason. What, would you say, is your sexiest/most provocative article of clothing? I don't own anything like that. I have zero interest in showing off my body. Do/did you have attendance problems in school? I was notoriously tardy for the first class of the day a lot because I was an absolute beast to drag out of bed all the way up to college. Does/did your parents ever go through your computer or cell phone? Mom did. What song reminds you the most of a particular day in your life? Why is that? "Where the Wild Wolves Have Gone" by Powerwolf is a strong one. I played it again and again the day Teddy was put down, even before we went to go euthanize him. It was my inspiration to one day spread his ashes at Yellowstone in wolf territory. As much as I'd love to keep his ashes forever, like, what happens after I die? And my sisters? Eventually, that container will lose meaning and probably be discarded, so I want to return him to nature. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No close ones. Who, in your opinion, is the best thriller writer? Idk. Does your Mom eat meat? Yeah. Do you prefer thick or thin crusted pizza? THICK. Thin crust is an utter disappointment. Do you have any friends with the same name as you? No. Who has the prettiest middle name you know? Ha, I mention Alon a lot when it comes to beauty... I can't remember what it is, but I do know hers wins. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? No. It makes me go to bed earlier. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are there any shows that your friends seem to be obsessed with, but that you just don’t get? Oh, loads. How old was the last child that you spoke to? She's six. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, for one. How far in advance do you prefer to plan? It depends, but generally kinda far. Do you always smile for pictures? With other people, yes. Some selfies, no, but usually. What are you most excited about right now? my MOTHERFUCKIN tattoo appointment in MAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you prefer the aisle, middle, or window seat on a plane? Window seat, zero doubts. Where would you like to volunteer? I wanna help at an animal rehab. What was the last thing you ate? A strawberry and grain granola bar thing. How do you find new music? Usually YouTube recommendations. What’s your favorite city? I don't have one. What makes your bedroom special to you and what is your favorite part about it? It's a total nests of my various interests. My favorite part is my meerkat collection. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? God no. I haven't shaved my legs since October lmao. Would you get married if you could right now? Definitely not right now. I don't have a job or my own place. What is your favorite type of jewelry (i.e. bracelets, necklaces, etc.)? Chokers. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was wholeheartedly in love with him. What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I've never stayed in a bad one, to my recollection. Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No. Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? A turtle for a little while, yes. Don't do that. Ever win first place for something? Yeah, a few things. What was the last thing you fell off of? Idk. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. What’s the most confusing book you ever read? The style in which Johnny Got His Gun is written is very confusing, but you adapt to understand it. Jumping back and forth from the past to the present can give ya some metaphorical whiplash. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No. Has anyone ever called your personality dull? Do you agree with them? No. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Possibly. Ever have an ultrasound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I can't remember what they were checking for, but I was fine. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Colleen's house, yes. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Nope; got no interest. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah, not for me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? Only if it's cool out, in which case yeah. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Not anymore. I just think about the terrified animals (wild and pets alike) and traumatized veterans. Do you enjoy tanning? Not at all. Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Yeah. Creepy fuckers. How long was your first relationship? I actually don't remember how long Aaron and I were together... other than it was just a few months. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad, generally speaking. Romantically, Jason. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I don’t know. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yeah. What did the last key you used go to? The car's trunk. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I honestly do wish I remembered my "first time" because that's a pretty big deal to me. What’s your biggest priority right now? My mental health. If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? I've done that numerous times, and given there was nothing good on the TV ever, I just slept time away or read. Since every time I was suicidal, there were very, very few things you were allowed to have. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW no. Are your hands unsteady? Yes; I have what's called an essential tremor in both. Are your legs long or short? They're proportional to my body. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I've never done it. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yeah, my sisters in the past. Is there anything you need to talk about with someone? No. Who was the last person who cried around you? My mom. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Korn. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Maybe snakebites. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? Nah. I only ever really did once or twice when I had snake eyes. Honestly, have you ever purchased something, worn it, and then returned it? Possibly? If you could have your own house anywhere in the world, where would it be? In the mountains in a nicely wooded area with a waterfall close by. It'd be nice to have a small stream or pond too to sit or swim in. If you could create a holiday - what would it be? I wish the legalization of gay marriage in America was a legitimate holiday. Are you shy about singing in front of people? OHHHHH YES. Do you own a robe? Do you sleep with a sleep mask? No.