#so a few months break is kind of nothing I guess lolsob

[epersonae]

🌻 what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

I think I have three varieties of "want to give up on writing"

The first is one that I don't worry about so much any more, which was the long drought of, oh, 2003 to 2017, where I just didn't have any kind of writing community and I was deeply unhappy for other reasons, and writing felt like something that I had had and lost. The second is a sort of "between things" feeling, which I get to a lesser extent after finishing something big, sort of that "well that's done, I don't have anything else", and which I had to a greater extent from basically the start of the pandemic until OFMD: I had written through most of my Adventure Zone concepts, and then also the pandemic, and the personal horrors, and so there's this little "but maybe you'll never write again!" voice.

and then there's just boring old imposter syndrome self-doubt, which I've been fighting like mad lately: there's something not quite right about some chunk of dialogue or a description and so maybe I'm just not a good writer, or not as good as I want to be, and I'm being too ambitious, and it's like a little temper tantrum that I have to let pass.

because it does, it passes.

and like, I've been writing since I was 9 or 10 years old, and getting it back when I got into fanfiction (six years ago next week, I think!) has been such an overwhelmingly positive experience -- I don't want to let that go. the experience of writing, and having a community of writing, is something that I cherish so much. that's what keeps me going.

that I know what it feels like to do what I set out to do with a piece, to enjoy the experience of being in flow with a story, to play in the space with other people, to grow creatively, to get good feedback, to look back on what I've done and feel pleased with it.

that keeps me going.

[fic writer asks]