#so I'm trying to mash what I've learned over the past year together with the style

[wishbonemotel]

The preliminary results of my experimentation with stylization ft. Allegra

[randomfandomblabdom]

I have so many issues with the Anastasia musical...

It seems to me that the writers put certain moments in the musical simply because moments like that happened in the movie but instead of comprehending why those moments worked in the first place, they made what they most likely assumed would be small insignificant changes that only ended up fucking with the narrative as a whole.

One of the best examples of this is Dimitri and Anya's dance lesson during Learn to Do It. This takes place far too early in the show for it to mean anything substantial. The dance lesson happens at a very specific point in the film and has an equally specific purpose narratively. It is only after a time jump montage during Learn to Do It where it's implied Anya, Dimitri, and Vlad spend anywhere from several days to several weeks traveling together, that Dimitri and Anya's dynamic naturally shifts into something warmer than what it was several scenes ago. You, as the audience, do not question this shift because you know, subconsciously, that they've been spending a lot of time together and have developed a deeper relationship and possible romantic feelings for each other as a result. It's given its due time to make sure you as well as the characters understand that. The musical has no deeper meaning or realization attached to it as the two characters haven't spent a substantial amount of time together where those subconscious blanks would be filled in for you. Trust me, I understand that time jumps can be difficult to do convincingly in a stage production but this is live theater, you need to get creative about these things... or move Learn to Do It further back in the show. Yes, there's a line of dialogue that implies that it's been at least a couple of days but that's harder to grasp when there are no visuals to support it. It feels like Learn to Do It happens over the course of several hours. Instead of two people who have been traveling together for implied days/weeks and have become friends realizing their feelings towards each other may have shifted into more romantic territory, it feels like acquaintances realizing they merely find the other person attractive or perhaps not as bad as they thought. The musical takes all of the build-up and context and mashes it into one number that doesn't end up working the way I think the writers thought it would. I wouldn't mind the dance being so early on if Dimitri and Anya were given any other moment of realization that was allowed to breathe. And don't say In a Crowd of Thousands...

Speaking of, I love that song. It's gorgeous. It's become one of my favorite Broadway love songs of all time, I've been listening to it non-stop for the past week. Does that mean I'm peachy about the changes that were made just because it's connected to a pretty song? Hell no. I have sooooo many problems with that scene as a whole. I'm not gonna waste my time talking about the changed backstory, I'm sure that and how it completely diluted the story has been discussed at length and I'm fully aware that changes must be made when transferring media from one medium to another - animated movie musical to live stage production in this case - but these changes are just absurd to me. Dimitri literally just told Anya to essentially make up her side of his story as if she truly was the princess Anastasia riding by in that parade all those years ago. His bowing could very easily be something she just made up on the spot and convinced herself it was a real memory, Dimitri's reaction to it would be enough to tell her it was. They've been trying to convince her she is Anastasia, she may be just convincing herself things she learned actually happened to her at this point. Not to mention, yes, Dimitri didn't tell her that detail of the story but of course, a commoner would bow to royalty, how does that prove anything to him? It doesn't help that he just told her his side of the story which could easily influence her line of thinking. In the film, not only is Anya's memory of the boy opening a wall something she couldn't have guessed or made up even if she tried, proving beyond all doubt to Dimitri that she's the real deal but the subject of the princess's possible survival is not something that has come up before as evidenced by Vlad and Dimitri's nervous reactions when Sophie (Lily) asks that question. Nothing is influencing her thinking there. The whole interaction in the stage production makes it seem like Dimitri just suddenly falls in love with her because he just found out she's the princess when the film makes it abundantly clear that he is so far gone for her long before that information comes to light, their romantic tension fuels the dramatic tension once that's revealed. Both adaptations have an almost kiss and unfortunately, only one of these adaptations puts it before that revelation. In the film, it follows the dance lesson sequence. In the musical, it’s placed directly after that big revelation and it just feels… kinda wrong.

I think I'm gonna stop there. I have so many thoughts written out that I could probably write a multi-page essay on this and maybe I'll make a full post on it but I needed to get at least some of my thoughts out before my head exploded and those are some of the things that were most prominently sitting on the tip of my tongue. I could go on for hours about how the music box was entirely misused, the total misunderstanding of the song Once Upon a December, how the Empress's choice given to Anya towards the end is almost explicitly about Dimitri instead of how it's explicitly about her granddaughter's happiness in the film, and don't even get me started on how Anya realizing she's Anastasia at the same time as Dimitri kinda fucks with the last 15-30 minutes of the story...

It's all so disappointing honestly because this musical had all the groundwork to become a phenomenal show - good songs, a good story, a good romantic duo, fans who grew up with the film - and, in the right hands, I truly think it could've become a Best Musical winner but instead, it turned out to feel like an amateur production on a Broadway stage with two really likable lead actors that had really good chemistry together and ended up doing most of the legwork for getting people to look over the fact that it wasn't nearly as good as it could've been. In all honesty, I did not realize how tightly written the film is until I started picking apart the musical and now I think the film is one of the best-written animated films in Western media.

This isn't meant to bash anyone who enjoys the musical. You don't have to agree with me. I do genuinely enjoy parts of the show and think it did certain things well. Christy Altomare and Derek Klena were absolutely perfect casting, I like some of the added songs, Journey to the Past happening when they get to Paris and Meant to Be happening before the ballet are outstanding placements for both songs, the costume design was more or less gorgeous, and I do think excluding all of the supernatural aspects was the right call...etc. but those are just some of my scrambled thoughts on why I have such an issue with the writing in this show.

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

I've learnt my lesson from BBC Ghosts where I dove into immediate reactions without thinking things through.

Having finished season four of TUA, I definitely can see where all the criticism comes from, but at the same time, it wasn't as bad as I feared (despite still being bad).

The main thing was the fact there was very little character arcs/plot for most of the siblings. Klaus got one, but at the same time he doesn't grow, he also gets stuck back where he was and he and Alison resume relying on one another and learn nothing.

As far as I could tell Alison had no plot, side story, or arc. She gets back into Klaus' codependency and that's about it.

Viktor had one where he gets acknowledgement he has great skills and should have been allowed to be in the team, so there's great closure there for him. But his main thing was trying to save Ben with closure on the side.

Luthor was the butt of jokes when he had anything to say at all. His whole life seemed depressing and he had no growth and would have gone back to doing the same thing powers or no powers. He was also a bit of a loser in the main one, but being a dag is different to being a loser.

Diego finally pulled his finger out and managed to realise his wife was great and he shouldn't have a one person pity party about how much his life sucks. It's a typical bored hero, kinda like where Mr Incredible could have gone if he blamed his wife for his boring life. His resentment on Lila for having a hobby when he didn't was stupid and I'm annoyed they did the boring suburban life bickering couple for these two. After seeing them kick arse in season three it was a shame to break them down like that. The CIA stuff was just embarrassing.

The time on the train could have been done better for Five and Lila. More bickering, conversations, more dialogue between the pair as they fought to escape. That would have eased off the weird vibes of them suddenly getting close. You need to see the struggle, even if we stayed underground, show the conversations, have them talk about their old life more, about missing birthdays and regret the fights.

I see that Lila wanted companionship, but she needed to go on about how much she missed her family and realised she didn't want a break from Diego. She needed that, we needed that to give her some depth and show us she didn't get with Five flippantly, but kinda got lonely and lost and feels bad.

Five I think was hard because after growing up alone in an apocalypse and having to come back, grow up again, and get caught up in the world ending, he didn't have a lot of relationships so Lila might have been his first real feelings and he was lost and confused himself. He didn't have a love interest to fall back on, but the fact he doesn't realise how Lila's looking at things is ridiculous considering his attachment to Delores. He knows what being alone does, he should be the one who understands the most. Not have his puppy dog eyes at being hurt. But I do get how he feels rejected because it was a long time, even if they weren't together the whole seven years, the emotional dependency is hard to break. But the writers brush over it, use your words and maybe just once say what you're feeling instead of starting and looking sad.

As for the rest.

The entire thing in the car with the vomit was insufferable and it's a miracle anyone pushed past that episode to even see the other episodes.

The actual plots they had made no sense and didn't connect. Klaus' had nothing to do with anything, it was a reasonable side plot at least, every one had a smidge side plots that barely connected so there was no flow in the season because it was just mashed together. Klaus' was the closest to being a good plot though, even if it's sad he had to regain his powers.

The whole Jennifer thing could have been good, was it to give Ben more time after being missing/dead for the other seasons? But it didn't make sense and was poorly explained. So Jennifer and Ben were drawn together because...reasons? They didn't have the same powers, they assumed Jennifer was one of them but she didn't show powers (or they were repressed like Viktor?). How did Reggie know to keep them apart? Did they meet as kids?

Jean and Gene were great though. Good work there, that was a nice addition. The weird side addition of the dead wife possessing people was odd but kinda worked in a MIB style.

But so much wasn't explained, I didn't need things to be spelt out, but the fact it came from nowhere and had to be worked out as a fan group means it needed better execution. I can pick up clues and inferences, but some stuff didn't have anything to hold onto to even work out.

As for the Care Bear Stare ending. It wasn't as bad as I had heard. I understand the 'better if we weren't born' idea. but it didn't come across that way. It was 'we need to prevent more disasters from happening, we are stuck in a loop and this needs to break'. Not, 'our lives are meaningless and we shouldn't have been born'. There is a difference. They save the world one last time with sacrifice, not admit they shouldn't have ever been born and their lives are meaningless. I didn't get that vibe. Plus they get their closure, they feel better, and still get to save the world. They don't die feeling like soldiers or puppets.

[azure-galaxies-gallery]

Muse: Yuelong!

Yuelong is a Vidyadhara more than past his prime - in fact, he's been putting off his rebirth for long enough to begin showing signs of mortal aging, a strange sight among the ever-young immortals of the Xianzhou. I do write him with canon ties to the High Cloud Quintet, but if you have one of them as a muse and just want to see them interact with him without the weight of past knowledge, just let me know! I'd also have fun with that. I like this very sad tired old dragon man quite a bit. I also usually write him as parental to Bailu! I very much like this one, but, y'know. If you want to just be a Bailu encountering Yuelong,,, feel free. Fair warning he might still try to adopt you. In fairness if children are left unattended for long enough around him he does sort of adopt them. his kid now. Yuelong is a reincarnation of the High Elder of the Xianzhou Cangcheng, and thus has a pretty high power level and... Well a lot of backstory regarding the Cangcheng that I usually have to make up as I go (plaguemark... specialties... anything about day to day life beyond having a specific type of plum blossom...).

Below the cut is a drawing I've done of Yuelong you can use for reference, as well as an additional cat cake form because I like making cat-cakes for my dear OCs. and here is a link to Yuelong's full OC form. Um. There is A Lot. I've dropped his not-so-brief backstory below the cut if that's all you want to see because I go a little insane over OC forms. but if what you want is all the nitty gritty and the meta stuff i made up by mashing kits together until it felt right, check out the link! and hey. psst. do you want a curated playlist of yuelong vibes?? do you just want some emo music?? here, i offer to you. the four hour oc playlist i made for yuelong because i'm so normal about him,,,

Yuelong is the reincarnation of the Cangcheng’s Vidyadharan High Elder. Left adrift and without a ship or plaguemark, Longfei accompanied several of the Cangcheng survivors to the Luofu. He reincarnated into Longmei, then reincarnated again, Yuelong stepping from the waters. He was raised by the Preceptors, kept isolated for much of his younger years. He was expected to mimic Longmei, his predecessor - to be calm, elegant, and serene at all times. A gentle rain, instead of the fierce storm trapped inside him. He learned to not express his emotions, to keep everything hidden - to be soft-spoken and ever-gentle, to only ever work and pretend and not live. He learned to bite back his first instinct, to push down anything negative. He learned to bottle everything up until he could slip away, swim to the furthest point of Scalegorge Waterscape, and release a storm that no one else could push through, to scream and cry into the winds until everything felt manageable again. Perhaps that would’ve been his entire life - a mask, a title, forgetting what he wanted in favor of what others asked of him, of screaming into storms what no one else could hear - had Jingliu not reached out and inquired about a healer with the ability to defend himself, so Dan Feng could focus wholly on the battlefield. Yuelong, dreaming of the stars and freedom and seeing the Beauty of the world, answered the call, stepping into the role of the High Cloud Quintet’s healer with grace. He remained aloof, at first, adhering strictly to his Preceptor’s teachings, until the craftsman and the pilot took him aside. Yuelong slowly began to open up - though he remained reserved and aloof in public settings, he began to slip away from his Preceptors more often than not - either accompanying other Quintet members, or disappearing into Yingxing’s forge. For the first time in his life, Yuelong had a taste of normalcy, and he held it tight to his chest. But of course… Nothing lasts forever. Despite his best efforts, Yuelong could not save Baiheng (she was dead by the time he landed at her side, he knew it, but - if he had been faster, if he’d been stronger, if he’d just tried a little harder-). But death was a part of life - he knew this. Baiheng had died how she’d lived - living, loving, protecting. There was Beauty in that, wasn’t there? It hurt, of course it did, but… Yuelong could accept it. He had to. A healer cannot save every patient - only try their best.

He tried to express this to his friends, only for Dan Feng to lash out against him. Yuelong told himself they only needed time. He was wrong. The storm that raged in Scalegorge Waterscape as the beast (his friend, that thing had been made from his friend, from Baiheng, who had reached out to him with such earnest kindness-) was something only Dan Feng could’ve made. Yuelong, with a heavy heart, stepped into the storm. Drew it into himself with every step, clearing the way. He fought Dan Feng (he didn’t want to, it hurt, that was his friend, someone who understood what he’d been through in a way no one else could-), a war of attrition enough to bring the other High Elder down. Dan Feng holds nothing back, but Yuelong had not wanted to hurt his friend. The wound across his cheek and neck, a final parting gift from someone he’d called a friend, stung as he wept into the storm around him. Baiheng was dead. Jingliu had taken Yingxing somewhere. They both disappeared. Of six, two remained. He thought, once more, of the dream he’d had, of running to live among the stars, of following the Beauty. He feels the bandages on his cheek again. Perhaps it is time to retire such a childish dream (would the Beauty even look at him, like this? He’d captured his friend, practically sentenced him to death. How could that be beautiful…?) for good. He stays. He picks up the pieces, he slips his Preceptors to spend time with Jing Yuan, he picks up Dan Feng’s duties. He argues, alongside Jing Yuan, for the release of Dan Feng’s new incarnation. When Bailu hatches, Yuelong takes her in immediately (he remembers how the Preceptors had treated him. Not again. Never again, not if he could help it). Dan Heng is banished, and that hurts too, but better that than life in prison (oh, but how Yuelong wishes he could’ve stayed). Life goes on. He stays at Jing Yuan’s side, continues his work healing, trains Bailu. He pulls himself together, learns to live with the scars. Smiles more, in Jing Yuan’s company. Threatens Preceptors who dare approach Bailu with poor intentions. Threatens more who try to tell him to be more civil (he has lost enough, being what they wanted. Never again). Laughed, when Jing Yuan took in a child - assisted him, as well. Friends help each other, after all. Ignores the way the cold creeps into his bones. Stares at the silver in his hair and sees Yingxing, and tries not to cry. Sometimes, still, he slips out into the Scalegorge Waterscape, lets it storm so he can cry and grieve in peace (sometimes, sometimes, he brings Jing Yuan with him). But life goes on, and so must he.

[evintide]

Some headcanon questions for you!!

1- what is the diet of the Twili? Carnivorous? Herbivores? Omnivorous? A secret fourth option?

2- can Midna understand other languages beyond Twili and Hylian?

3- Do the Twili have livestock? What about other animals? I know they have big fuckoff birds but what else?

first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE QUESTIONS !! ;0; i appreciate the curiosity and your time! these are all, like, a mish-mash of stuff i've considered over the years along with ideas that i've thrown together during the past few days. so if it seems all over the place... that's why, LMAO. and this is going to be LONG on top of all that too, sooooo... a read more is in order! also, as a forewarning, a lot of this stuff is not wholly set in stone as i'm always working on new ideas and finding new inspiration for things. i believe the twilight realm is just as vast as any other realm, and what we see and experience in game is not even a teaspoon as to how much is in there. so just like any world, variety is OUT there, just. not all seen within one place. thus a lot of the stuff i'm about to talk about will mainly be concentrated on what has been generally seen from a game perspective. but, like. expounded on. ANYWAY I'M ALREADY BABBBLING HERE. TO RAMBLES !!

» LANGUAGES !!

Midna is fluent in twili and an archaic version of hylian, and can read ancient zoran and gerudo. she wasn’t very interested in learning languages as a child, but because using relics and certain magicks requires an understanding of them, she had to try to learn them eventually. they aren't her strongest subjects, but thanks to becoming queen she has greater access to relics that have even older texts and hieroglyphics, thus her need to learn even more has increased.

since hylian was the predominant language of the interlopers ( but not the only )  it remained that way until it developed into twili over the years. Twili in itself is an amalgamation of all of the above languages that transformed over time thanks to an exposure of all sorts of influences. modern twili trends towards a more singsong like cadence, while older versions have a choppier, brusque intonation.

her archaic language proficiency is mainly text and phonetic. she is wholly fluent in both old and modern twili along with archaic hylian, though her time in the light realm exposed her to modern hylian, which has come to reflect itself in her current speech patterns.

» DIET !!

the twili diet predominantly consists of grains mixed with nuts and vegetables. proteins come in the form of mushrooms and eggs, the latter of which is their main consumable animal product. fruits are also a treat, but are not main courses in any meal, as they tend to be small but very flavorful. spices take center stage when it comes to all meals, and instead of a singular plate where all the food is served, their meals will be one main dish with some sort of grain set alongside several smaller dishes with pickled foods, dried and curried spices and saucers for dips and sauces.

while the original interlopers were banished with an assortment of things ( whatever they were wearing, tools they were using, animal companions, etc. ) very few actually survived their first century there. they had to rely on magic to transform what little wildlife already existed in the realm to sustain themselves, and due to their outside influence many different types of animals and vegetation were able to come into fruition. these new species needed almost constant assistance however, which made for a very narrow amount of variety to be had within their original stocks.

now that the twili people have grown accustomed to their home and environment, better sustainability has been achieved and they now have a broader selection of things to choose from — though eating meat is still seen as something of a delicacy. not many of the creatures that they have are suitable for consumption, and even more tend to return to the twilight not unlike the twili people do, so having any meat with which to consume afterward can be difficult to even obtain. this is why eggs are the most common and accessible animal product.

» WILDLIFE !!

the original flora and fauna of the twilight realm are still present in the world, but it is not as commonly seen or experienced by those who reside in the capital. however, given that the twili people have assimilated to their realm compared to their ancestors, they can safely recognize, traverse and consume whatever natural wildlife is in the realm before their influence. twili that live outside of the capital often bring in wares to trade and sell biannually, though there are travelers who can be sent out to pick up items from these merchants throughout the rest of the year if more supplies are needed.

some merchants travel with vehicles powered by magics, but those leaning towards more traditional methods have access to horse-like creatures to help carry their wares. in a traditional sense they’re like a combination of a camel and a horse, though they have a wider, stockier physique. they were specifically domesticated to help traverse wide landscapes with few pit stops for food and water, though they have to consume large amounts of both before and after their trips.

dometic animals are fairly similar to those seen in the light realm. this is not limited to livestock either, as house pets of all different types and sizes have either been domesticated or crossbred over time to serve as companions or pest control. the most common of which is a small creature that has developed a method of flight with it's ears.

indigenous animals have a thinner and more angular body type that requires small amounts of food sustained over longer periods of time. natural bioluminescence is present in almost all life there, as it is needed to see and communicate in their environment of perpetual low light. many, if not almost all wildlife is smaller than that of any found within the light realm, but they have… for lack of a better word, a denser quality to them. they are, essentially, their own diet, as they are made of shadow and must also consume what is made of shadow. not entirely carnivorous, but not wholly herbivorous either.

animals often seen and used within the capitol are small deer like creatures with two predominant teeth that curve out and backwards towards their ears. their wild cousins have shorter sets that look more like fangs, but the domesticated breeds have been kept so that their teeth serve for ornamental purposes. all species have a pelt that has reflective spots towards their sides and flanks, and tails with a pale underside that can be raised to alert their herd of any dangers.

avians of all types are helpful in transporting goods and people across all surfaces, but namely those in height. while technology and magic is a predominant proponent for all life within the twili realm, many still rely on their birds to travel to and from places, and some even own creatures that have been in their family for almost a century. these larger birds have crossbred naturally with wild ones over the years, which have since become something of a nuisance when in close proximity with domesticated animals.

certain creatures hold high respect in twilight culture as well, as it is said that every monarch has a divine beast that watches over them during their rule. you can actually tell who held the throne and for how long thanks to any iconography on pottery, clothing and other items that show a certain animal or beast.

again, as stated above, the interlopers who originally settled within the capital crossbred and raised their own animals with the native wildlife to reflect creatures and comforts they originally had from the light realm, but over time everything was influenced and altered to best suit a lifestyle within the twilight.

[massivetyrantduck]

incorrect quote generator part 2

Reminder, some of these are inaccurate, I only excluded the really bad ones. I put all of their names in and let it choose.

Legend: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Sky, unsure of where this is going: Sure...

Legend: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Sky: Okay?

Legend: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Sky:

Legend: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Sky: Hylia, that one is a little-

Four, interested: No no, Legend, keep going.

~

Hyrule: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.

Four: No, we are mad.

Hyrule: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.

Four: No, we’re not!

Hyrule: I am not a mind reader, Four!

~

First: You spent all our money on THIS??

Twilight, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

~ (hell yeah i'm adding Spirit Tracks Link)

Spirit, who just joined: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

~

Spirit: I failed my safety training course today.

Twilight: Why, what happened?

Spirit: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Twilight: And?

Spirit: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

~

Four: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions?

Spirit: Put spaghetti in it.

Four: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you.

Legend: Put spaghetti in it.

Four: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two.

First: Put spaghetti in it.

Four: I am no longer taking suggestions.

~

Legend: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

First: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Spirit: I got distracted halfway through.

Four: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

~

Sky: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Sky: Violently practices.

Four: Violently studies.

First: Violently sleeps.

Warriors: Violently shoots pictures.

Legend: Violently boxes.

Spirit: Violently murders people.

First: Violently worries about the previous statement.

~

Spirit: Thanks for not telling Twilight what happened.

Wild, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this.

~

Hyrule, after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.

~

Twilight: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Wind : 'Prettiest Smile'

Spirit: 'Nicest Personality'

Warriors: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Legend: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

~

Four: My stomach growled super loud in French.

Four: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

First: Bonjour.

Warriors: Le growl.

Sky: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

~

Spirit: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Four: We could attack them with hummus.

Spirit: I stand corrected.

Four: Just keeping things in perspective.

~

Wild: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

~

Hyrule: Your smile? It makes my day.

Wild: Your happiness? I live for that.

Warriors: A room? Get one. (he meant it as a joke. i do not ship any of them together)

Sky: Hotel? Trivago.

~

Spirit: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."

Wind : Opposite over hypotenuse.

Wind : Dipshit.

~

Hyrule: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Four: The cow??

Hyrule: What?

Wild: Four, W H Y?

~

Spirit: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium*

Time: Spirit, what did you think a tiger shark was?

~

Legend: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Legend: What an idiot.

Legend: *realizes it's Hyrule*

Legend: Wait, that's MY idiot!

~

First: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us.

Legend: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:

Legend: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

~

Warriors: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

~

Hyrule: Okay, two person huddle.

First: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.

~

Hyrule: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Hyrule: cuLt leader.

Hyrule: God hates me personally.

Hyrule: cowBoy hat.

Hyrule: *sniffles* Trying my best.

~

Four: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Hyrule: Being a fish.

Four: Well, shit.

~

First: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Legend: No.

Sky: I did not.

Wind : I may have actually forgotten one.

Warriors: Also no.

First: Oh good, neither did I.

Twilight: *Exhausted sigh*

~

First: What are your three best qualities?

Warriors: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 100 Xs1) "Day 26: Seattle and Old Side Chicks"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3 @crystalbaby12 @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @5sosfam1dlover @rosefilledhearts-blog

Luna's eyes whip open. Her brain continuously running around things through out the few short hours it was supposed to call Sleep. That's how Luna functions when she has an idea.

Bursting with hungover energy, she jumps out of bed. Luna's never up and moving like this unless her mind is flying with creativity. This morning being a prime example as she tries to connect the musical dots that are overcrowding her head.

Not even bothering to smoke or brush her teeth, she's out the door. Down the hall. Banging on Ashley and Dom's door.

"I've got an idea." She states as she makes her way past a groggy Ashley.

It's not even 8A and Luna is buzzing. They went to bed around 4A. Ashley hating Luna's guts in this moment.

With her hands and arms full, Luna drops her treats on the floor. Her phone, notebook, multiple pens, bowl, jar of weed and two prescription bottles filled with Percocets and Xanax falling around her. Along with her Ideas.

"I wanna run a Super Jam." She states, wiggling her fingers. "I don't know how though yet...." She trails as she sits amongst her treasures.

Ashley plunks down beside her. Dutifully packing the bowl for her creatively manic friend

"Wut's 'oin ya mind?" Dom pops up from the bed asking.

"I don't knooowww....." Luna answers honestly. "I don't know if we should run an Authentic Seattle, Mainstream Grunge, Dead Seattle or Dead Grunge...." Her leg bouncing to the different songs running through her mind.

Covering Bands is really cool for some artists.... Paying homage is an entirely different entity.

Ashley fires up the bowl. Exhaling her hit, she asks Luna What's More Important.

"Fran." Luna answers without a thought as Ashley passes her the bowl with a knowing look. "Lemme call Colson." She decides as she takes a hit.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Colson's annoyed by his phone ringing. It's early as FUCK. No one should be calling him right now. Seeing the who it is, his anger lifts.

"HEY!!" He can feel her shine through the phone.

"Hi, Kitty..." Even tired he can't help but grin at the sound of her voice.

"I got an idea!!" She explodes.

"Oooh, yeah? What?" Colson asks.

He loves her ideas and little games. Luna never failing to amuse, intrigue and push him beyond his artistic scope. Or sexual limits.

"I wanna Super Jam.... I'm thinking four or five GREAT songs..." She goes on to explain.

"FUCK yeah!" Colson finds himself grinning harder with a nod.

"Cool... I'm getting out of here as quick as possible. Talk to The Boys. By time I get back we need a solid idea to mix and rehearse.

"I got you, Kitten." He reassures her, pumped by her idea.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Off the phone, Colson is hard from the sound of Luna's voice. Sliding his hand around his thick cock, he smiles.

"My Bitch is like no other...." He thinks as he aches for her.

Remembering her birthday gift to him, Colson grabs his laptop. Finding the file and setting himself up, he's prepared for his viewing.

Seeing Luna tease and fuck him, Colson strokes his cock like he's trying to strangle someone. He grows harder as he watches himself devour Luna's insides. Remembering her sweet taste of peaches, he pulls on himself faster.

Stroking his dick at a firm pace, his grip tightens. Watching their video, he imagines every inch of Luna as she slides herself around him on the laptop's screen.

Cooing as she helps him pump his huge cock into her. The sound of their satisfied moans pushing on his brain.

Floating back to That Night. The way he felt so nervous until Luna had popped in wearing The Cheetah Print Coat. The sight of her taunting his dick while easing his soul. It was the first time he had ever fucked her. Instantly admitting that he was truly in love with HER. Not just the memory of The Girl In The Cheetah Print Coat.

Their connection and sex being an inescapable delight. No one ever fucking his body or mind like THAT Brooklyn Bitch.

Yanking on his cock now, Colson's body stiffens as he splooges all over himself. Breathing hard, he lays there. Details from the strip club still weaving through his mind.

--------------------------------------------------

"Yo. Book us. I gotta get the fuck up outta here ASAP...." Luna says to Ashley's nod.

Catching a call from Monica, she's freaking out. It seems to be a steady state of mind for her recently. Luna hates it.

"I'm done." Monica states firmly. "I'm your FUCKING LAWYER. NOT YOUR MANAGER."

"Wait.... What the fuck are you talking about?" Luna questions her.

"I'm talking about that I'm your Lawyer but.... You need a Manager because I CAN'T manage your schedule." She starts in. "You don't know what this last month has been like for me. Besides all the legal and wedding shit, no one has your number so they all hit ME. My phone stays blowing up over you." Monica states with frustration.

"Wait... What??" Luna's beyond lost.

"YOU.NEED.A.MANAGER." Monica says slowly like Luna's dumb.

On this she is. Dumb and confused.

"What???" Luna asks again.

This makes Monica beyond frustrated.

"Dude... I can't book you... It's not my job. You NEED to get a FUCKING Man.A.Ger. I've been getting calls for IT since yesterday. Stern wants to book you... Good Morning America has BEEN asking for either Nightmare or Bad Things.... FUCK! THAT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB!!" Monica yells.

"Wait.... Why IT?" Luna asks.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Monica finally explodes. "You played it on fucking DayTime TV yesterday!!"

"OH SHIT!!! THEY RAN IT!!" Luna shouts in disbelief.

Amazed, Luna can't help but grin. Knowing she's as pretty as a sunset but always thinking her words were too ugly for DayTime. She's beyond pleased. IT is EXACTLY the kind of song people SHOULD be listening to at all times. Day or night, the message of the song never changes.

"You need a FUCKING manager. I'm not THAT. You paid for law school for A FUCKING REASON. To protect you, not to fucking schedule you." Monica expresses with an attitude.

"I know...." Luna begins to apologize before slipping into hungover reality. "You got ANY suggestions?" Luna can't help but ask with a snark, feeling slightly abandoned.

"No. Do this yourself." Monica says, still pissed.

"What about vetting?" Luna questions her.

"Fine. Bring me three. We'll figure it out who from there." She slightly relents.

"Thank you, Mon. Seriously. I know this last month has been a lot. I'm sorry. I'll find someone. I just.... You know I value your opinion... So, thank you." Luna sighs.

Meeting their freshman year in high school, Monica knows Luna is genuine. Whether she pays her or not, they're true friends. Monica being one of the few Luna will back down from and compromise with.  As Monica lets up on her a bit, they end their phone call on a positive note.

-------------------------------------------------

"So, what? Snippets of different songs mashed together?" Baze asks Colson as he explains Luna's idea.

Sitting around the front of The Bus, they're getting toasted with their morning coffee. Colson had woke them up after he'd showered, knowing they needed to get to work.

"Yeah... Just like that. Probably running like 6 or 7mins...." Colson answers to his nod of understanding.

"When will she be back?" Slim asks of Luna.

"They're on their way now. Should be here before 4P." Colson informs him.

"Wait. She wants to do this tonight?" Slim asks, without waiting for an answer he goes on. "That gives us 3hrs to piece together basically a whole new song.... Of shit we ain't probably NEVER play before so we gonna have to learn it AND then fucking rehearse it to play to a sold out club. Tonight."

Slim ends his rant by tilting his head as he gives Colson a look of What The Fuck.

"Dawg... Obviously she likes a challenge." Colson throws his arms out to showcase himself.

Slim laughs with the rest of The Bus as he rolls his eyes. Asking if They Know Any Of These Fucking Songs.

"Yeah we do..." AJ says confidently pulling out his phone. "Let's make a list of songs we know and how they fit into the different categories of ideas Luna has."

Sam hands him the paper and pen he asks her for. Getting up to grab more coffee, she stops and turns to the group.

"You know, we'll have nine musicians with us tonight. Besides the drums, I play bass and rhythm guitar... So, between all of us, if we pick the right songs the odds are that one of us will know how to play it." She says.

"You offerin' to get OnStage with us tonight?" Colson teases her.

Sam shrugs out an I'm Just Sayen' before Colson agrees It's A Good Idea and Theory. The group of them sitting together, trying to work out the flow of different songs.

-------------------------------------------------

Flying high over The United States, Ashley, Luna and Dom kick around their own ideas.

"So what do you truly want?" Ashley asks Luna.

"Honestly.... If it was MY show, we'd run a totally obscure mix. Focusing on the Lost Seattle Originals. I'd really LOVE to play a tribute to Mia Zapata, Stephanie Sargent and Layne.... Especially Layne. Considering how forgotten he was."

"So fucked up...." Luna sadly thinks of how the rock legend had laid dead in his apartment for over a week before anyone realized he was missing. The thought still breaks her heart the same way it did when she'd first heard the story.

"I don't think many of his fans are gonna know Seven Year Bitch or The Grits though.... But I don't know because they are hometown bands." Luna's leg is still bouncing as she sighs.

"Do you think you may be overextending yourself on this one?" Ashley says gently.

Not one to admit defeat, Luna's brain is still dancing around itself. Determined to figure this out.

"Wut aboot a King and Queen of grunge homage?" Dom asks. "Smashing togeter a Nirvana and Hole song?"

He thinks it's a great idea. Ashley knows it's not.

Luna's eyes go dark. It's a horrible idea in her opinion. Twisted though, it could be one of her greatest Fuck Yous yet. Luna's mind starts shifting gears.

--------------------------------------------------

"WHAT UP, BIIIITCHES!!!" Luna shouts as she climbs onto The Bus.

Ashley and Dom are behind her. They're met by excited Yos and What's Goods. Ashleigh greeting Luna with a tight hug.

Colson comes charging out from their room. Scooping Luna up, he attacks her with kisses as she wraps her legs around his waist tightly with giggling acceptance. Their kisses are matched with EWWWs and GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOM. Luna continues to laugh as they kiss each other Hello and exchange I Missed Yous. Colson muttering a Shut The Fuck Up Sam while keeping his mouth on Luna's. Pressing hard on his lips, she plants a solid smooch on Colson before sliding off of him. Hard dick poking her on the way down.

"Sooooo.... I think I might have been a little overambitious with this whole Super Jam thing...." Luna admits.

"Thank the Lawd!!! She crazy but she ain't FUCKIN' stupid!!" Slim yells in relief as he throws his arms up.

"Thanks, Jerk Off." Luna laughs at him.

Slim tosses her an elbow and a Sorry as he laughs with her. She meets his peace treaty along with a smile.

"But I have a list!!" AJ pops in slightly agitated.

"Really?" Luna asks as her smile widens. "Me too!!" She laughs as she pulls a folded piece of paper from her back pocket. "What 'cha got?" She asks as she plops down beside him on one of the couches.

Sitting together, they go over their notes. Some things match up but a lot don't.

"No Seattle Tribute?" AJ asks with disappointment.

"Oooh.... We're still doing something." Luna reassures him. "Do you guys know who Tobi Vale is or who Andrew Wood was?" Luna asks including everyone in their conversation now.

Sam and Ashley do. That's it.

"Okay guys.... Roll up. It's story time." She says.

Staying in place, Luna digs Colson's Sponge Bob case out from in between the couch cushions behind her. His deep voice shouting THAT'S WHERE THE FUCK THAT WENT.

"I shoved it up there last week because of Case.... How awesome would that've been if she'd opened it?" Luna shrugs as she shakes her head at herself. "Total fucking win....." Sighing as she rolls her eyes and continues on. "Anyway... So, THIS is what I'm thinking.... Hold on, gimme a sec."

Firing up a joint, Luna hands it to AJ before lighting another and sending it across to Sam on the other couch. Left and Right. Sparking another for herself to camp on for a moment, she explains exactly What She Wants To Do and Why.

Everyone agreeing that It's A MUCH More Plausible Idea. Fully burnt they head off of The Bus towards the nightclub to rehearse. If it plays out as expected it'll be a fun and sweet tribute. Carrying a harsh kick to the cunt. Only those who are aware of Luna's feelings knowing EXACTLY what she's saying.

Colson drops his arm around Sam's shoulder and plops a kiss on top of her head as they head across the parking lot. She looks up at him like What The Fuck Are You Doin'.

"Thanks for taking care of those sheets yesterday." He says looking down at her with a smile.

"OH. You're welcome." She answers as his arm slips off of her.

Heading to catch up with Luna, Colson turns to shoot Sam another grateful smile. It's a nice scene, considering Sam really didn't care for Colson or think he was good enough for Luna when she first met him. Her opinion slowly changing.

---------------------------------------------------

Word Limit (1 of 3)

To be continued.....

❇Writer's Note: Feel free to share the WHOLE chapter with whomever 😘

[justherefortaylorswift]

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!).  It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED). 

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.]  We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight. 

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans.  It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity.  It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you. 

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]:  1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.

[kedreeva]

Hey! I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering how you get your birds to be so affectionate (eg. accepting pats). I've had a few birds, and I've tried different techniques; like trying to handle them, letting them come to me when they want, and even basically hand-rearing one, but they've never really liked me. Like, they hop over, but the second I move, they skedaddle. I'm also super gentle with them and I hate the idea of scaring them. I'm drawing a blank. Do you have any tips? Thank you!

You’re not bothering me at all!

I’ll pop the answer under a cut, since it got kinda long ^_^;;

Most of my birds are not what you could call friendly. The majority of the outside birds aren’t terrified of me, and most of them will come up to me if i have food or even eat out of my hands, but at the end of the day, fowl are still prey animals. They don’t like being chased, grabbed, or picked up, they don’t like having their movement restricted, and they don’t like having their sight blocked.

Stan is friendly with people mostly because he’s got some problems. He’s got some neurological processing issues on top of a rib/chest structure malformation that means he doesn’t breathe as easily as he should, which leaves him tired. No one should aim for this in their birds, but Stan’s kinda here by accident, so we make do together. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I imprinted Gizmo and Beep, meaning that I was their only living thing interaction for the first 24-48 hours of their life, and I was their main living interaction with them every single day. This was… good and bad. They didn’t (usually) act like other birds, they acted more like 2 year old humans, and required basically the same amount of care and attention. Can’t recommend this to anyone.

All of that being said, if you just want birds that will hang out with you in general, get them as babies, and feed them wet mash off your fingers. This is weirdly the biggest thing, and the thing all my friendly birds have had in common. Take their normal chow, mix it with a little bit of water until it’s kind of goopy but not watery, and let them eat it off your fingers. Give them baby-bird safe treats but make them come to you to get them (for example, climb onto your free hand or jump up onto your arm or lap to get the mealworm).

Pick phrases as commands, stick to the same ones, and say them every time you do something (for example, when I go into the Big Bird pens, I tell them “excuse me” when I am walking past them without interaction, and they have learned that means they don’t need to panic and flee, they just need to not be in my way. I round up everyone into the coops tonight by calling “hup hup hup” and they all just walk in, instead of having to be chased around. I’ve said Stan’s name to him in the same pitch and volume so many times he seems to actually know it now. Beep used to know a whole host of commands from “no” to “do you want some?” to “one more” [for when she had to take one more drink of water] to “come here.”) Phrases for interaction can usually be learned really quickly.

And, you know, handle them without forcing them. Fowl can be scooped to be picked up by placing your hand flat behind their legs on the long bone that connects their foot to their ankle (the visible bend in their leg), placing your other hand gently on their back at the base of their neck between the wings, and then moving your leg hand forward and your other hand down and pushing toward their tail gently. Most fowl will step up onto your leg hand as it moves under them. Move the thumb of your leg hand up so you can press it against their upper leg, bracing them so they don’t feel like they’re going to fall, and move your other hand to the side of their wing on the opposite side of where your thumb is bracing. Doing this early and often teaches them you’re not going to trap them, you’re just giving them a different perch. Once they’re on your hand, give them treats and praise them softly and when you want to put them down, brace them gently and lay your hand on the ground and let them step off. Don’t make them jump! They will learn you want them to jump down if you let them jump or fly down.

I don’t know if this should go without saying, but just, you know, don’t move fast? Don’t dash at them, don’t make loud noises, don’t startle if you can help it. Make habits and patterns they can expect. Birds are super pattern oriented, so the more of your actions they can predict and expect, the calmer they will be around you. I spend time with them almost every day (my free time allowing), at about the same times every day, doing the same things, and saying the same commands. Go slowly, and pay attention to their responses; if they start to freak out, stop what you’re doing and try again later.

And keep in mind, most birds aren’t going to want to be that friendly even if you do everything right and you just kind of have to accept that. Birds have different personalities, just like any other animal, so you might just have to wait until you find the right one.