#so I'm thinking of finding people open to it kn here.

[gtbutterfly]

Uh, so....is anyone interested in g/t roleplay? Dm me if you are,

[drea-ms]

★﹐NO SURPRISES．﹗﹑

₊ ⊹ ⪩⪨ ┆ Because Saiki Kusuo knows that in every universal time loop he creates, that you two will always find each other and fall in love.

warnings. time loop au. implied angst?. fluff. open ending i think... saiki is just hopeless in love. um no use of yn. nothings bad. sappy.

You don't know what loop you're in at this point, it was the same thing over and over again, a loop you can't get out of. It hurts you every time, because he knows that he can't do nothing to stop it. You know how in each time loop you're with saiki, it ends badly, it restarts again, and your back to not knowing who the guy in your loop was. This time, in this loop you'll find out who he is.

Love is a weird feeling, it makes you feel happy, cared for. It makes you feel like throwing up what you ate previously when you see the person you love. But love can also hurt, it can hurt you, or anyone in this room. Love is sad feeling, because you never know whether to expect it or not.

This time loop is weird though, this time you're in the same class room with saiki and sit next to him, before, you were in another class room and never met him, why was this one weird to you? What was so important about the pink haired boy that brought you two near each other in every time loop? Maybe this is God saying you were soulmates, as if.

"Hi" you whispered at him while the teacher was looking at the board, you weren't hoping for a hi back, it was a habit to say to the person next to you in every loop you always wanted to know every person in each of your loops, you went back and listened to the teacher, until you felt a piece of paper on your desk, "Hi?" he wrote on the note, determined to get to know him better yoy wrote, "I like your pins in your head! it looks nice on you :)" you pass him the note back and smile at him, waiting for his response, "thank you." was all he said once he gave the note back to you. he... he was cute.

Over the following weeks, you got to know a lot about saiki, his friends, the weird people that have crushes on him, and his love for coffee jelly. He was cute, cute enough for you to fall in love with him. "Saiki!" you greeted him at the front of the school, going up to him and start walking next to him, you two began talking about stuff, not minding any attention to the world, just the two of you in your silly little world.

It hurt saiki that in every time loop, you two would meet, fall in love with each other, begin dating one another, but it always ends because of the volcano eruption he can't figure out, it ends before he can say 'i love you' it ends before you guys have your 9 month anniversary, it always ends with him erasing your memory of him so that in every time loop he can find a way to change everything. To make sure he can fix yours and his mistakes. To make sure that in every time loop, universe or galaxy, you two would find each other and fall in love with one another.

Maybe in this time loop he'll find a way to end the volcano, that way you two can live happily for once.

Maybe, just maybe, god will finally be on his side for once.

NAO SPEAKS? send in requests!! i'm bored rn, also i found some of the requests on my old acc in my notes app... i'm posting them kn here!!! 🤪🤪🤪

[ssentimentals]

seventeen members as their natal charts: joshua

sun in capricorn, moon in taurus

patient and reliable, you can always count on him in times of need and he won't ever disappoint; this man works hard and plays moderately (not a fan of letting loose), very drawn to finest things in life as social status is important for him (just like being financially secure) and he seeks comfort both in places and people

when you hear a loud laughter at the background, you immediately regret calling him, cursing silently at yourself for being impulsive.

'sorry, love, couldn't hear that, come again?' joshua asks, speaking louder than his usual soft tone. 'wait, it's too loud here, let me get out.'

'it's ok, josh, don't bother!' you rush out, not wanting to disturb him. 'sorry i called, go back to your friends, it really is nothing!'

'wait-wait, i can't hear,' there's sound of door opening and then closing before he comes back to you: 'okay, a bit quieter here. hi baby, is everything okay?'

'yeah, all is fine, i'm sorry,' you're trembling but your voice comes out surprisingly steady. stupid anxiety decided to hit you at the most stupid time and out of habit you called joshua, cause he's the one who always managed to calm you down even through the phone.

'why are you apologizing?' joshua sounds confused and you can picture him frowning now. 'what's going on? is everything okay?'

lying to joshua is useless but you try anyway: 'everything is okay, i called you by mistake, sorry. go back to your friends, please, have fun!'

your boyfriend can notice even the slightest change in your voice, so of course you don't fool him: 'what happened? and don't lie to me saying that everything is okay, i can tell it isn't.'

lately nightmares started to plague you and josh knew about it, always being there for you to calm you down. it turned into a habit to call him whenever you wake up in cold sweat, but now you realized how selfish it might have been. not wanting to take his time off from his friends, you stubbornly persist: 'it really is nothing babe, i promise. go back to guys, say hi to everyone from me.'

there's beat of silence and then: 'i'm coming over.' joshua knows that you're going to feel guilty and bad for interrupting him, so he hastily adds: 'i was tired anyways and guys will understand, so don't worry. i'll be there in fifteen, do you want to keep talking on the way or should i hang up?'

the ideal variant for you would be to keep talking but you can't say it, already embarrassed enough as it is. joshua knows you though, knows you so well that you don't have to voice out your thoughts most of the time for him to know what you're thinking about. there's fond sigh on the other side of the phone and he says: 'it's gonna be a bit loud as i go back, just bear with me for a moment, yeah? why don't you get up and make yourself a cup of tea now, love? put me on a speaker.'

you're not sure how joshua does it, how simply hearing his soft voice calms you down and settles your anxiety. how his gentle coaxing gets you moving, how he always knows what exactly you need in any moment. 'i love you,' you whisper after he informs you that he grabbed his coat. 'a lot.'

he chuckles, running back to the car. 'i love you more, darling. i'll always be there for you.'

this man doesn't play games and despites anyone who does; a loverboy, he's sensual and romantic, someone whose love language is spoiling their partner rotten with material (usually very expensive) things; has trouble with unwinding, so someone who is collected and will help him relax/not be so strict is perfect for him

'josh, i...' you pause, momentarily distracted with light hitting diamond's surface, making it sparkle even brighter. gorgeous necklace in your hands stole your breath away and it's hard to find right words to convey all of your emotions. 'it's so beautiful,' you mumble in the end, already knowing what he's going to say next.

'not as beautiful as you,' joshua answers exactly the way you knew he would and yet your cheeks still burn with a crimson blush. 'do you like it?'

it's obvious that you do, but it's important for joshua to hear you say it; the immense satisfaction he feels whenever you utter those words makes him almost giddy with excitement to hear them. you meet his gaze through the mirror and he frowns; he doesn't like this expression on your face, the one where he can tell that you think this necklace is too much for you. he can't have you thinking this, not when he is sure that nothing in this world can ever be good enough for you.

'i think it's too m-'

'don't think,' he interrupts gently, not wanting to make you anxious. he gently helps you to put on the necklace and smiles at your reflection, admiring his gift. 'just enjoy, darling. you deserve all the finest things in life and i'm going to give them all to you.'

he sounds so determined that it makes you shiver, breathless at how much he wants to give you everything. this necklace is wonderful and while it is too much, you shut these voices down in your head, turning to face him. 'thank you, joshua,' you whisper, touching diamond pendant. 'i love it.'

joshua's smile at these words is so full of happiness and fondness that you can't help but smile too. 'you're welcome, love.' he leans in, kissing your forehead. 'it's just the first out of many, many presents. i want to give you everything you deserve.'

'you don't have to, josh,' you remind him simply because you can't not to do so. you know that he loves you without all of this, he makes sure you know this every single day.

he sighs. 'i know. but i want to.'

i'd give you everything if you just let me, he thinks to himself, watching you closely. you smile and his heart skips a beat, when you hug him tight, whispering how much you love him. anything for this, he thinks, hugging you back. anything for you.

a/n: hi god it's me again can i have joshua as a husband please?

tagging @prpldahy

my masterlist is here

[resi4skz]

The Runaway pt 2

Pairing: gang leader!chan x fem!reader

Synopsis: you run into the famous boxer gang leader as you're running away from your crazy ex. But what happens when you find your way into the leader's icy cold heart?

Warnings: none for this chapter lol maybe swearing and kissing!

Pt 1 here

You jolt up, feeling like a truck had ran you over. You groan as you lift your arms to rub sleep from your eyes. Opening your eyes, you finally notice you're not in your room or apartment. You sigh as you lay back down again. These bedsheets were so soft that made you want to go back to sleep but a knock interrupted your thoughts. You sit up again. "Yes?"

"It's me," the voice comes from the other side of the door. You stand and walk over to the door, opening it to reveal the same man from last night. "Sleep well?" He asked as he took your presence in.

"Somewhat," you replied.

"Hmm," he eyes you from bottom to top. "I'll have our doctor look at your wounds later but breakfast comes first."

It was like he was determined to feed you till you couldn't take another bite. You couldn't say no because it had been a while since you last ate a proper meal. Before John would only give you the food to eat, watching how much you eat. So you thanked god for giving you real food, not milk and cereal for days on end.

After breakfast, Chan walks with you through the long hallways, leading you to a room. Upon entering, you see beds laid out in rows with fresh crisp bedding as a man wearing a white coat walks in front of your view. "You must be Y/N."

He was handsome. He had black bair, slicked back with a few strands hanging above his eyes. And he was wearing eye glasses which completed his look. "Y/N, this is Dr. Hwang Hyunjin, our best doctor."

Dr. Hwang shook his head. "I'm not the best but I can take a look at your injuries if you'd like?"

You blinked. Once. Twice. Before you realized he was talking to you. "Oh! Yes. My injuries."

Dr. Hwang motions for you to sit on one of the beds. "Now," he inpects the brusies on your shoulders and arms. "These don't look too bad. Can I see your stomach and ribs?"

You gulp, nodding slightly as you raise the hem of your shirt up and watch as Chan's gaze hardens. "Fucking hell," he curses.

"As I expected," Dr. Hwang very cautiously and softly presses on your ribs. You jerk and hiss away in pain. "That's very badly bruised. I'm guessing he kicked you here?"

"How did you kn-"

"Know? Honey, you're not the first woman to come here that hasn't been beaten up by their husband or boyfriends."

"Oh."

"Fucking hell, I'm gonna kill that bastard," Chan growls.

"Calm down," Dr. Hwang jots down notes on a clipboard. "Channie hyung, I think she may have a broken rib if she was kicked."

Chan turns around, looks at you then back to the doctor. "Fine. I'll be outside if you need me." He looks at you once again before walking around.

-----------------------------------------------------------

After getting the xrays, Dr. Hwang finds no broken ribs so he gives you a prescription of very strong painkillers. Once you stepped outside the clinic, you find Chan sitting on a chair, on his phone. When he looks up, he immediately is in front of you. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. No broken bones," you replied.

He lets out a sigh. You wondered if he was worried about you. It made your heart swell a little. "Good."

Both of you then wall, side by side, as he walks a step in front of you. When you reach his room, you hesitate. "Why'd you save me?"

"What?"

You turn around. "Why me? You could've left me to die, declined when I asked for help."

"Do you think we just leave people stranded when they ask for our help?"

"Well, no but-"

"The Venom may be a vicious boxer gang but we take pride in helping other when in need. Like we did for you."

You were speechless. Partly, because you were surprised to know that such a famous boxer gang are.....big softies. "Thank you. Really."

"You're very welcome."

"Channie!" The sudden voice of a female comes from the right of us. You turn my head to see a very petite girl, wearing jean shorts and a black shirt. You didn't get a chance to look as you get yanked by the man in front of you.

"What-"

"That's my next door neighbour who can't get the hint."

"And how is that my problem?" You asked.

"Please. Consider this as you owing me for saving you. Help me so she can finally get the hint!" He pleads.

"Fine," you agreed and looped your arms around his torso. Holy he's built. "Is this fine?"

He turns his head and sees the woman approaching closer. "Fuck me."

You snort. "Don't get mad at me later."

"What?" He says, turning his head back.

"This makes us even," you reply to him, yanking him down to your lips. His arms immediately slide around you, caging you in his arms. A surprised whimper escapes your mouth and you can't help but open your mouth more, letting his minty taste invade your mouth.

When he finally pulls back, his eyes are clouded with something you can't seem to put into words. "I thought we said no kissing in public."

You blink at him and then your brain comes back to reality, glancing at the woman standing 10 feet away with a frown on her face. Right. You're pretending. "yeah, well," you trace your finger from his pectorals down to his abs, "some people need to take the hint that you're taken."

"Hmm," he hums in response as he licks his lips as he eyes dart to yours. "Fuck, Y/N. I'm not a fan but you just made it easier for me to love public affection."

You giggle when he dips his head down to the crook of your neck, leaving small kisses. "Channie, please. We have company."

He groans and lifts his head. "Chan, who's this?" The petite woman asked. Was that annoyance in her voice?

"Hi, Clara," he says, his voice laced with disgust.

"Oh, this is Clara?" You said surprised. "Wow, I didn't know she was pretty."

Chan rolls his eyes and intertwines his hand with yours, making your heart beat a little faster. "Like anyone could be beautiful as you."

Okay, who was this person and where did the broody man you saw earlier go?

"Y/N this is Clara, my neighbor. And Clara," turning his head, he smiling down at you, "this is Y/N. My beautiful other half."

"Oh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend." The distraught look on her face made you want to laugh.

"Yes, well he doesn't like to show me off," you joked.

You hear him scoff and turn to look at him. "Baby, I would show you off to the world if you wanted. Heck, I wouldn't mind telling every person I see on the street to tell you're the one that makes my heart beat faster than boxing does."

You cheeks warm and can't help the goosebumps erupting on your skin. He leans down and places a soft kiss on your cheek. "Good thing you're mine, right?" He says looking down at you.

You knew this was all an act but why did it feel genuine? "Yes," you answered.

"Well, I better be going. My dad wants me to bake my casserole for dinner," Clara states, giving you a look.

"Ah, well I'm going to take this pretty lady," he smiles down at you, "to a lovely dinner."

If he's pretending to be like then you have no obligation to take it up a notch. "But I thought we were just going to do movie night? I even brought your favorite caramel chocolate," you say with a pout.

He gapes at you but then smiles. "Okay, babygirl, whatever you want, as long as you're happy."

Who brought the sweet fest on?

"Alright, well, I'll see you later, Chris."

Chan glances at Clara, his jaw ticking. "I prefer it if you don't come around anymore, Clara. It doesn't look good for the gang and I."

"Oh," she blinks, looking very defeated. "Sorry." She turns around walking out of the house.

"Okay. I think that did the trick," you say letting go of his hand. Any more and you would've kissed him again. You thought he didn't know but he surprised you with his skills.

"Thank you," he says with a smile.

"Hey, you helped me yesterday so it's the least I could do," I reply with a shrug.

"Right," he nods.

And cue the awkward silence with your tummy rumbling. You place a hand your stomach and laugh nervously. "You must be hungry. Minho make the best meat stew and Felix is known for his brownies."

"Yeah, I could eat."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Chan wasn't kidding about the stew. It was earthy, very flavorful and delicious. You were served warm rice with it and it went very well with the stew. As you went for seconds, Hyunjin, the red head, gaped at you. "Where does it all go?"

You almost choke on the bite you took. "Sorry?"

"The food. Where does it go?" He asked again.

"Oh," you take a sip of water to wash down the food, "John restricted my food intake. And I'm really hungry."

Hyunjin and the rest of the boys pause mid-bite to look at you. You glance around nervously. "What?"

Chan was sitting across from Felix, the blonde guy, who you thought was very pretty. Chan's eyes met yours only for him to look back at Felix going back to conversing. The way your heart skipped a beat had you questioning if it was hunger.

Yeah it was definitely hunger.

You go to eating the stew when a bowl of what looks like pudding is placed in front of you. You look up to see a man with a sharp nose and purple hair. "How'd you like stew?"

You nod, chewing as you cover your mouth. A lady needs to show her manners. "It's very good."

The man smiles just as another mam joins him. This one jas his cheeks full like a chipmunk. "Minho hyung, your pudding is a hit as always." You watch the two converse in a language ypu didn't quite understand. The man woth a mouthful of food glances at you and his eyes light up as he walks over tp you. "Y/N, right?"

You nod. Up close you can see that he's pretty too. Not to mention very cute, with all those puffed out cheeks. It made you want to pinch his cheeks. "I'm Han. Nice to see you up and about."

You nod once again, wincing as a sudden sharp pain goes through your body making you stumble forward. "Whoa!" Han braces your against his arms. "You okay?"

"Yes. I don't know what happened," you reply, blinking rapidly.

"Looks like you need another checkup with Dr. Hwang."

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Yup. There's a crack in your ribs, several actually."

You stare at Dr. Hwang as he looks at the xrays in front of him. "But they're treatable. With lots of rest and pain medication, along with no strenuous activity for atleast 6 months, you should be good."

Fuck. You didn't think it would get this bad. You only thought it was bruised. Guess John really did a number on you. "I forgot to ask something before. Did he hit your head at all?"

"No." John had one rule: to make my life miserable but he never hit me in the head.

He hums in response, swiveling his chair back. He rummages through a drawer and picks out a small bottle. He hands it to you. "Here. 2 times a day or if you need a third, you can take it but these are pretty strong. Just take it easy, okay?"

"Thanks," you reply with a smile.

"You're welcome."

When you're back to the room, you proceed to check the wardrobe. You're taken back by the amount of clothes in different shades of black. "Just how much does he need?" You say, inspecting a hoodie. It looked good enough so you decide to wear it. It was big enough to keep your warm and comfy enough for you to move around. You found a pair of black sweats that fit you and a pair of socks because your feet was freezing.

After being fully clothed, you glance at the bed and it calls your name. You contemplate for a second. "Fuck it." You pop one of the pain medication in your mouth with a sip of water. Once you're settled in between the sheets, you're still freezing. You wonder if there's a heating system in this place.

You sit up, pull off the covers when there's a heavy thump outside the door. It's still daytime so who is knocking? You very carefully walk over to the door. "Who is it?"

But you just hear someone groan. You open the door reavealing Chan, looking white as a sheet. "Chan? What are you-"

You don't get to finish because he takes one step further and goes limp in your arms. "Chan?!" You touch his back and it's wet. So you bring your hand up. Crimson liquid stain your fingers and you scream.

A/N: short chapter but its here lol. Maybe another 3-5 parts for this one.

[hexiewrites]

on romcommunism, bisexual ted lasso, and the mumford-and-sons of it all

TLDR: this ENTIRE SHOW is about subverting expectations, expecting one thing and ending up with another, trying and trying and trying and ending up with something you never expected but is exactly what you need.

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially in regards to the amsterdamn episode which I think is the show finally 'coming out of the dark forest' so to speak, so I wanted to revisit the romcommunism speech and how it interacts with the theme song and with the other mumford references I see throughout the show, and why I think it points to a possibility of bi!ted, or at least, of a ted ending entirely different than what the majority is expecting it to be.

first off, as a reminder, the rom-communism speech from season 2 episode 5:

"If all those attractive people ... can go through some light-hearted struggles and still end up happy, then so can we. (...) Gentleman, believing in Rom-Communism is all about believing that everything's gonna work out in the end. Now these next few months might be tricky. But that's just 'cause we're going through our dark forest. Fairytales do not start, nor do they end, in the dark forest. That's something that only shows up smack dab in the middle of a story. But it will all work out. Now it may not work out how you think it will, or how you hope it does, but believe me. It will all work out. Exactly as it's supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations, and just let go."

I've highlighted one of the most important parts of this speech for my analysis here, because when @stevecarrington and I were discussing it they pointed out where that sentiment comes into ted lasso again and again and again:

sound familiar? yup! it's right out of the theme song itself.

I have a lot of feelings about the theme song in general, but specifically the fact that it's... it's not exactly a sitcomedy theme. it's not actually a hopeful song on first read through, but it also kind of is. because one of the unfortunate and inexplicable truths in life is that it's pretty much assured that you might not get what you want, but, as the rolling stones and the season 3 trailer itself tell us, you can't always get what you want, but if you try some time you just might find you get what you need

I'm viewing this very much from a point of, Ted is going to find what he needs this season. he doesn't know yet what that is (winning the whole damn thing? moving back to his son?) but it's our job as the viewers to have no expectations, to not assume that things are going to work out in any specific way but that they will work out. and that you're going to keep trying, you're not going to know what to expect, and what you end up with may be something entirely different than what you thought when it started.

(kind of like having a giant bi awakening, no?)

I also have a lot of personal feelings about mumford and sons (and marcus mumford's) influences on ted lasso. I've started writing that post a hundred times but it's kind of a mess so I haven't posted anything (in the meantime, go watch the hopeless wanderer video, which exists because jason sudeikis is a close friend of marcus mumfords), but the one I come back to over and over is the song believe, and how the lyrics fit so perfectly into this romcommunism concept to the point that I think the entire central theme of the show is built off of mumford&sons lyrics:

and again. this drags it home so hard for me, on all of this. I could do a literal dissertation on what I think are other major mumford and sons influences on the show but this post isn't that. instead, I just want you to think about how the believe lyrics fit in with everything we're seeing. "your world's not all it seems" <- ted is not all he seems. he doesn't know if he believes yet, he needs someone who can "open up [his] eyes, tell [him he's] alive" and it needs to be someone who communicates openly, who talks to him

ted doesn't yet know if he believes. and he might not get what he wants (his marriage to be fixed, an easy relationship, an ending where everything is perfect), but he is going to get what he needs. he is going to try, and try, and we as the audience will go in with zero expectations and trust that it is going to work out.

I think different people will read this differently, but to me, it's a great subversion of the obvious idea that ted and rebecca are going to end up together. the cast has already said again and again that people seem to expect tedbecca to be A Thing, partially because they're both attractive, or they're both leads, because romcoms have trained us to expect this. ted is in a lot of ways some of what rebecca has been in need of, and there are some great posts about rebecca as the rom com heroine and what that means for her arc. but for me, the writers and cast saying that their relationship is strictly platonic, that they're brother and sister, is an excellent example of 'you can't always get what you want, but if you try you get what you need'. they might have some thoughts, they might start to think they'd be right for each other, and they are, but not in the way we might be primed to expect.

what ted and rebecca both NEED in each other is that confident. that platonic love and support that they're both craving in a lot of ways. sure, ted has some of that with beard, and rebecca has some of it with keeley. but their relationship, their connection, is so powerful to me from a platonic place, and this season is going to show them that's what they need from each other and always have.

and what ted needs is someone who can open up his eyes, who can, as mumford say in "white blank page" (which is also a very ted coded song):

he needs someone who can lead him to the truth.

perhaps... someone we might not expect? someone who built his career on finding the truth, and who destroyed it to do just that, to give ted the truth even at the cost of his job and the life he had built?

perhaps now that we've come out of this dark forest, we're going to start to see those expectations shifting, and we're going to see ted get exactly what he needs, even if he doesn't yet know what he wants.

(I want to be clear that I think you can also view this very strongly from the angle of 'ted does not need to end the show in a romantic relationship, he just needs to surround himself with love and truth and platonic support' and truly I think that's more likely to be what we actually see. I just couldn't help the tedtrent implications slipping in a little at the end here.)

[cybercupidwrites]

He makes me laugh (part 2)

Pairings: Jess Mariano x Fem! Reader

Warnings: language, pregnant teen reader, insecurities, not proofread!

Words: 1826

Author’s Note: Hi friends! I’m sorry i’m so sorry to only get chaper two out to you now, i really truly am. My family and I went on a impromptu, spontaneous vacation, so i have been absent and haven’t been able to find time to write, this chapter isn’t the best but i wanted to get it out to you guys already! Thank you for being understanding and enjoy! P.s there will be a author’s note again at the end of the chapter. It is IMPORTANT that you read it after you’ve read this chapter, please and thank you!

Previous chapter | Next Chapter

Previously....

"What are you actually doing here, Y/n? You work on Saturdays, why aren't you in New York?" You shrugged your shoulders, "I quit." You said curtly. He furrowed his brows but didn't press on the matter. You sat in silence watching the moon's reflection in the water below you. You thought you'd feel nauseous in the moment but you weren't.

"Hey Jess?" You called out to him. "Yeah Y/n," he replied still looking at the water below. You could feel your heartbeat quicken, and your hands start to tremble. "I'm pregnant." You said before you could psyche yourself out of saying it. You looked over to Jess whose eyebrows were raised astronomically high, he looked at you with wide eyes. You didn't say anything else. His face softened as he took in this new information "oh."

<3 <3 <3

"You hungry?" Jess asks as you guys make your way back into the town. It's the first thing he'd said since your conversation at the bridge. You'd been walking back in awkward silence, until now. You know nothing should be open around this time , but you nod anyway. He nods back in acknowledgment, yet doesn't say anything more. Instead, Jess puts his hands in his front pockets and his shoulders visibly tense up, "how long are you here for?" You can't help but feel a need to relieve some of the tension that has built up between you.

"Why? You sick of me already Maraschino?" You smile at him and let out a small laugh. Jess can't help but relax and smile at the sight of you. "No, no, just wondering," he states, "I think I'm staying actually," even though you'd already came to the conclusion that you were staying back in New York, now that you were in Stars Hallow you weren't so confident in your decision. You wanted to stay, but what if Jess didn't want you to stay? You can't just demand that he stay with you. Before you can put any thought into it you find yourself asking if he'd like for you to stay. It comes out like a whisper, and you wonder if he'd even heard you. You start to feel nauseous, but Jess, he reaches his hand out for yours and entangles your fingers together, "Yeah, I do."

You released a breath, you didn't know was caught in your throat. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones, or maybe it was pent up tension, but you really felt the urge to cry, too. You let out a shaky breath as Jess pulls you in close. You wrap your arms around his body, and he squeezes your shoulders in reassurance. "Luke's going to have a hard time digesting this, just so you know." You nod your head and let out a breathy chuckle.

You tell Jess, that Luke didn't need to know right away, it was night time and he'd probably be tired, and you both needed to think about how to tell him. It would be right to tell him properly, and not when he's tired.

To be fair, you and Jess didn't know how Luke was going to react. But you'd thought he'd at least start yelling, or express his feelings, but this, this was weird. When you told Luke that you were pregnant, his jaw dropped, then for a split second he looked like he was going to say something but didn't. Instead he'd grabbed his coat and walked right out the diner. Were people supposed to react like that? That's not normal, Right? Jess had actually been left speechless, no, actually, BOTH of you were left speechless. How were you supposed to know what Luke was thinking? It was starting to scare you. What did this mean??

Jess thought it'd be best to wait for Luke in the upstairs apartment, in case he came back deciding he did want to yell. You were both sitting on the couch, waiting for what felt like an hour, when you decide to break the silence.

"So...Maybe we should talk about this? I know we talked at the bridge, but now that we're more composed and well-rested, we can talk?" You say, bringing your legs on the couch and turning toward him. You realize you'll probably be doing most of the talking, since Jess isn't the most talkative in the relationship. He agrees with you and proceeds to let you speak. "First and most importantly, I feel stupid for asking this but I need to know. How do you feel about us? I know you said you'd help with the baby, and you know be around, but do you still want to be with me?" Somewhere in between asking him this you tilted your head down, not really wanting to see his reaction to you question. "Are you kidding? Of course I want to be with you, I do." He brings his hands to your cheeks and gently lifts your face up to see him, "I will always want to be with you, no doubt about that. You're the only one who can deal with me. You're the only person I like in this place." You can't help but smile brightly at him and lean in to kiss him. He doesn't hesitate to kiss you back, once he pulls away his eyes immediately locked on yours, "Don't feel stupid for asking the question, or embarrassed, its important to know this before we continue talking about this." You nod and pull him into your embrace, muttering a quick thank you, you continue on with your conversation.

By the time Luke comes back, you and Jess are deep in conversation that you don't hear the door open, but you DO hear the door slam shut. It makes the both of you jump out of your seat. You both wait for Luke to say something but he doesn't, he stands awkwardly in front of the both of you and you realize either you or Jess will have to get this going. "I don't mean to be rude, but It'd be nice to get this conversation over with before I go into labor," Luke nods and pulls a chair from the table into front of the couch before motioning you to sit.

"Look, Y/n, I'm sure you're a nice, smart girl, but there is not room in this apartment for three of us, I don't know how long you will be staying, but I'm guessing this isn't a temporary stay. I don't know you, other than the little bit of what Jess has told me, but I know Jess and well I don't know if i can trust the two of you together. Good news though, my friend, Lorelai, offered to let you stay with her until we figure this out more." You're relieved that he didn't yell and kept it very calm, and can understand why he doesn't trust you, yet, but you also don't know him and it was weird he offered you up to this random lady, you didn't know, except for what Jess has briefly told you over the phone. "Okay um here's the thing Luke, or Mr. Danes, well actually which do you prefer?" You feel the need to ask for clarity seeing as you did barge in and announced your pregnancy, you figured you could at least refer to him as whatever he'd like, "Luke is fine," You nod your head in confirmation and continue on with what you were going to say before. "Here's the thing, Luke, while I can understand why you don't trust me, I just don't feel comfortable staying with Lorelai, I don't know her, I know of her, just like how you knew of me, but I don't know her so it wouldn't make me feel very uh great intruding on her life like that. I hope you can understand." He nods and seems to mull this over in his head, "doesn't Lorelai run an inn? I'm sure Y/n feel much more comfortable staying there instead," Jess chips in before looking over at you for some sign of approval, you nod and smile, "Definitely, it doesn't have to be for free either, I think this would be easier for me, until i get settled." Luke is nodding along with you and mutters a quick yeah before extending an invitation to dinner with Lorelai later that night, you agree and wait for Luke to bring something else up. "I'm not mad, a little disappointed, Jess you should've known better, but i want you guys to know that i am here for whatever reason you might need me. I assume you've talked about other things with each other and I mean I don't want to lecture either of you on this, I'm sure you're being hard on yourselves too, so just make smarter choices from here on out, deal?" Both you and Jess nod. Luke says a quick goodbye then turns to go downstairs.

You and Jess both relax and get comfortable on the couch, this time with Jess' head in your lap reading his book as you playing with his hair and listen to him speak intently. You end up falling fast asleep and only wake up later due to Jess shaking you awake letting you know that you'd be leaving for dinner soon. You thank him for waking you up and look in your bag for clothes before going to the bathroom to change. You had chosen your favorite shirt and jeans to wear, but immediately noticed the shirt felt tighter, then when you'd last worn it. No one could actually see that the shirt was tighter of course, but you knew, and knowing it was because you were getting bigger made you scared. You could've been better prepared if you had known you were pregnant sooner and hoped that even though you'd lost three months of planning, due to obliviousness, that you'd be able to plan everything out efficiently in the months to come.

Meeting with Lorelai was great and you instantly adored her. You learned she'd also gotten pregnant around your age, that she was a maid for the Inn she runs now. And you'd know exactly who to turn to when you'd start getting cravings. Meeting Rory on the other hand was very different than meeting her mother. You instantly felt a pang of jealousy when Jess and Rory greeted each other. You couldn't help but wonder if something was going on between the two before you'd come from New York. She was beautiful and seemed to have a to in common with Jess. You hated that you were thinking this way but at the same time what if he'd move on from you to her. You were breaking your own heart with different scenarios in your head, you wanted to cry everytime you looked at Rory. You spent a lot of that evening talking to Lorelai and Luke, which was better, the way they talked, the way they stared at each other, you could tell they belong together.

Lorelai told you to have Jess take you to the Inn the next morning and she'd get you situated right away, Luke seemed calmer about this but you could tell it was probably going to bother him that's you were spending the night. The drive back to the Diner was filled with comfortable silence until Jess perked up saying he be spending the night with you the next so he can be with you. "What? No, no way Jess." Jess rolls his eyes at Luke, "Yes Luke, Look you can't change my mind and it's not like I can get Y/n pregnant again." Then comfortable silence turned into awkward silence, and you wished he'd just stay silent.

<3 <3 <3

Author’s note: Hi Friends! I told you i was going to have an extra author’s note! Okay i just wanted it to be known that the next part there will be a time skip so i will sum up some events before i post the next part, y/n will not be staying at the Inn anymore, she will have her own apartment! She will be 5 1/2 months pregnant, and she will be working at doose’s market where she might find a new friend? Or a new foe? I’ll keep you guys guessing for now !!

[lunarcat982]

Untitled book

ok so here's chapter 1 of a story I'm writing I've already written the first 3 chapters so will prob post them at some point. Also this is rly long so if u want me to post further chapters like split into different posts or something js say! and pls give ideas and feedback (it won't be perfect so I'll defo need like improvements lol) :))

Chapter 1 

Meet Felix 

Felix sighed as he walked down the crowded hallway of his school, his thoughts drowning in the chatter and enjoyment within his peers. you could vaguely hear his timid footsteps echo around the school. He had bags under his eyes with a tint of red. He’d been crying again. It was so hard sometimes… It hurt. He couldn’t bear it. It was the end of another day just like the others, painful, emotionless and hell.  Felix's phone buzzed in his blazer pocket, probably mum or dad asking him for something as they always do.  Oh… it was Isabell. They used to be friends a few weeks back, good friends, but she said she wanted to find some new ‘people’ and maybe find love, or some generic shit like that anyway. He couldn't remember what she said exactly, but it didn’t help with his mental state, she was one of the few people who kept him at least a little happy in this fucked up world. Haha probably the only person, and then when she went away, he couldn’t help feeling empty and alone, not even his parents talked to him anymore. 

Apparently, she wanted to meet him somewhere today at 4:00, she wanted to talk about how things are going and maybe hang out a bit more. Felix managed a meek smile, maybe he did have someone to relate to, maybe his existence wasn’t so meaningless. He was getting his hopes up, that was the mistake. 

Felix walked up the steep hill that led to the long winding road that accommodated his house. His feet gently smothered browning leaves that had recently fallen from their respective branches. He had already started conjuring up what to say, what to ask. The only problem was getting out of his house after he was in it, of course mum would start bombarding him with questions about girlfriends if he brought up the fact he was going out with a girl. He would have to lie, not that it meant anything, it was almost instinctive now. He just couldn't get why they didn't understand he wasn't interested in any girls! It angered him more than it should have. 

He had arrived, he stood tiresomely in front of the bleak grey door he knew only too well; something about impressing the neighbours, his mum had said. Lazily he pulled on the handle and slowly opened and closed the door. Nothing, he was safe. Carefully Felix ascended the stairs and changed into something more suitable than his confining uniform; and yet even after this he still felt constricted by his parents' choice of clothes, he yearned for something more…  expressive. It-it didn't matter now, he had to go, he was going to be late. He was downstairs now, and was about to leave, but. 

“And just where do you think you’re goin?” her voice was slurred and slow, she had been drinking again. Felix sighed, “I-I’m going to see a friend”

“Which friend!” His mother snapped at him drawing another gulp of wine from one of her already half empty glasses. 

“It’s a boy mum! Okay?” Felix said, actively avoiding looking at the mess, which was his birth mother, he couldn’t stand to see anyone, not even her like this. 

“Eugh, fuckin’ hell Felix, you keep on seein’ all these boys, you’re gonna end up a fag,” 

Felix shut his eyes and tried ignoring the comment, even though the anger was begging to be let out. He never supported his mum’s or, well, the whole town's view on the LGBTQ+ community. But he couldn’t think about that right now, he needed to go, and with that his mum slunk back into the living room in which all the blinds were drawn down, and Felix swung the door open and slammed it shut behind him, ready to see an old friend.    

He was starting to smile more now, he felt heavy weights he’d been carrying for God knows how long lift off him. He felt a sense of escape rush over him; escape from his family? guilt? He wasn’t sure, but it made him feel better and that's all that mattered right now.  And then it hit him, they hadn’t even organised an area to meet up. That was stupid of him. He quickly pried the phone from his pocket and texted asking to meet at… maybe Grey Heart woods? Yeah, that was a good place, he had an idea of something to show her. Felix smiled at the thought of this, he hadn’t been given the chance to express his interests for a long while now and he was eager to do so.  His phone buzzed in his hand “yh ok” she replied.  

15 minutes later Felix was outside the field by Grey Heart woods, he used to hang out here, back when everything was simpler, and he didn’t feel alone all the time. This was where he first met Isabell, they were both 13, wow 2 years ago. Heh, time flies when you have nothing to do with your life. 

At this moment Felix realised Isabell was nowhere to be seen, he checked his phone: 16:01. She was late, eh it was ok people are often late- he had suggested the meeting spot rather late. It only bothered him when he was late, he couldn’t stand that- it made him very uncomfortable; he still wasn’t sure why. 

5 minutes passed and eventually he saw her come out of an opening to the right. She still had glasses although they were new, a ginger ponytail hung from the back of her head and she seemed more confident than the last team he saw her, taller too.  He put on a smile and tried cleaning the mop of black hair that draped over his forehead. In truth he was nervous, it had been so long, and he didn’t want to lose this like he lost it before. 

They walked towards each other, both smiling, “H-hi!” he said, raising a hand to wave, his attempts at hiding his nervous-ness were poor. “Hellooo!” she giggled. He smiled at this, she hadn’t changed, quirky and weird. 

“Heheh, so how have you been? It's been a long time, "he said, more confident now. “Well, let's see, parents still divorced check, no friends check, oh! And still single, definitely check," "and you?” she asked with a beaming smile. 

“Wow ok, let me think, I’ve been rotting away in my room, been crying in the school bathrooms and been completely and utterly alone,” he said, hinting at how much her sudden leaving hurt him. 

“Yeah, I’ll cheers to that!” She said, distracted, looking into the woods to the left of them both. “So, you wanna go in?” she asked signalling towards the woods 

“Um yeah sure,” “I actually have something to show you!” he said remembering what he was planning. “Oh, you do, do you?” she said once again with that cheeky smile. 

They’d been walking for around 5 minutes into the woods now and Isabell was getting restless, “when are we getting there?” she asked. 

“Hehe don’t worry we’re nearly there, I promise”,  

she wasn’t convinced, he could tell. And she was starting to move her body closer to his as they walked.  That was... new, eh it's probably nothing.  

Finally, the pair came to a stop in front of a large tree, around 5 metres up the trunk were 10 wooden planks nailed into various branches, although some appeared to be losing their grip and leaning off the edges.  “Um what's this?”  

“A treehouse!” He said. He was feeling more open with her now, he didn’t mind her judgement. 

“okayy , how are we gonna get up?” she said a little more interested now. 

“Ladder!” he said, smiling and gesturing towards an arrangement of horizontal wooden slabs scaling the trunk of the tree. 

Isabell frowned at the state of the wood but climbed it, nevertheless. Felix followed her up, close behind, smiling more and more. He missed this place.   

Eventually, the two of them had reached the top, Felix was surprised at how well the place had held up, only a few patches of moss growing here and there. “So, what were you gonna bring me up here for again?” She said, her voice smoother and fluid. It was probably just him. 

“Well,” he said, a little nervous, again, “I actually wanted to show you something I’m really interested in… paradoxes!”  he said, smiling once more. 

She frowned at this, “what?” she said coldly. 

“Y'know, a statement or question that contra-” 

“Are you kidding me?”  

“W-what?” 

“I’ve been acting like all nice for you, like we used to be” “And this is what I get…” “Felix, I LIKE you”  

“I” He didn't know what to do, he was panicking and confused. 

She sighed, “I guess I’ll have to do it myself” she whispered as to not let him hear. He did. “Felix, I’m sorry” she started cooing, that same smooth tone in her voice again, “come on we can just be together, I Know you like me” she started moving towards him on her hands and knees. He froze, he didn’t know what to do and was so confused. She was on him now. “W-” he managed to get the start of a word out before she pressed her lips against his own, closing her eyes she moved her hand to his cheek. He felt her tongue progressing towards his mouth, his back now pressed against the wood beneath him, as she leaned into him. He was scared, so scared, he didn’t like this. Without thinking he pushed against her, releasing himself from her clutch.  She got back onto her knees and looked at him with disgust. He hadn't realised, he was now crying, and his eyes were now red with worry. “Fuck you!” she said now angry, “Y-you freak!” she was hurt too, and he could tell in her voice she was on the brink of tears herself.  Without warning she descended the ladder two steps at a time, and ran away from him, all the while he sat there, tears rolling down his red cheeks.  Felix sat there for half an hour more, crying harder than he had in months, as that word repeated over and over in his head, “Freak”. 

[beloved-brynn]

*pokes you*

Brynryn, hi hello, how are youuu?

Anyway, since you asked me abt who i ship my mutuals with, i wanna ask you something as well! >:D

What (two or more) characteristics do you personally like about yourself and your mutuals? You can either just say it, explain it, or anything really lol

About myself: I have a love-hate relationship with my grit. Mostly because I know I was born talentless in all aspects (no exaggeration), so every creative endeavor I have is 99% hardwork. And no, my parents don't have writing or drawing skills. I don't need to explain how my mom only knows how to draw "v" birds or how my dad isn't great at English. Absolute shame on them. (jk I love my family, I wish I could just pass my lifespan to hem HAHAHA). So when all hardwork fails, I feel like absolute shit. Second thing probably is my faith. I think I wouldn't be here if I didn't have some level of trust with the universe overall. The rest of me is garbage tho lmao. If I'm an otome game character, I'm 100% the beloved and beloathed trash husbando /srs.

About @leftdestiny-posts: I'm not sure I'd ever encounter an internet mutual like them ever again, and I think their appreciation for life and bluntness/straightforwardness is something to be admired. They're traits I don't have. Shiro and I are very very different people, and I'm not sure why there was a miracle that made us meet lol.

About @a-dose-of-phitre and @estellxli: longest friends I have. I really admire their creativity and skill, and if you want me to be honest, I know full well I'm left behind in those departments. If you know me irl, I'm not exactly the most affectionate person so I'd rather keep this part brief haha. Though, a small addition, I admire estella's communication skills and assertiveness a ton and I wish I had a bit more of Phitre's endearing charm and mannerisms (and height-). I'm super stiff lol.

About @navxry: Probably communication skills as well? When we met, they talked continuously. As much as I know I'm an extrovert and thrive off social energy, I think something in me is holding me back to being as vocal as they are. They also seem to have an abundance of energy. Ahh. Youth. /j

About @mixed-kester: i wish i am surviving engineering as much as she has i wanna quit can i quit also how does she pick colors sht is unfair i always have to open up google chrome to— //hjjjj

About @jessamine-rose: she already knows about my fashion sense or lack thereof, so let's talk about something else. I greatly enjoy her writing style because I know it's not something I'd pull off. Her sentence structures doesn't become verbose, they're incredibly succinct— enough to lead you along. Other than that, probably the way she bounces ideas spontaneously. I wish she sleeps right tho HAHAHA /silly

About @vennnnn-diagram: I probably pestered them too much about how normal people work honestly. I lack social skills so learning about stuff from them makes me feel a bit more knowledgeable without any visible judgement from them. So yeah, add that as one out of two. The second one? Their music skills. I hate learning instruments. I don't know why. I tried plenty. I suck plenty. Everyone in my family are great at playing except me. They're the Bruno Mars to my gambling addiction. WAIT WHY DOES SOUND LIKE THE WORST PICKUP LINE KN EXISTENCE HAHAHAHAHA

About @stardust-for-your-soul: i wish i can write fluff i wish i can write romantic things why can't i think of romantic genshin men headcanons why'd it always have to end in murder— oh and also, I love her prose. Chryseis can turn the mundane to something that oozes with beauty, and I think that romanticism is wonderful.

About @lucienbarkbark: i absolutely do not agree with your love for dazai /silly but I do admire estorea's unapologetic nature. Hell yeah bestie fricking read thag 300000+ chaptered story 😭😭😭 /gen. I find it a challenge to sit down and read nowadays huhu. Also, I like how warm she is to talk to, we haven't DMed much but it feels so hospitable (?) whenever she send fic links. Wish I was more like that. Also, thank you for the oda fics, soldier.

About @meimeimeirin: when mei put the kamisato siblings in a kin tier once (unless memory fails me), i remember silently agreeing so much. She has that "I got most my life together" vibe and I do wish I have that. She's also very open to talking about what she loves, she doesn't hide her affections and it's something I very much look up to if you've seen the things I've written so far lol. I love how vocal she is with appreciating what she has, including some new drinks she tasted, her parents' loving relationship, it's just sweet. The teashop aesthetic definitely suites her vibe. She just seems so... Elegant? Can't be me, I need to cause a mess /silly

About y o u: well first off if I get to have your hands for a day, you'd find weird ass drawings of blonde men on your drawing software. Second, I like your vibes a ton. It hits different. It fluctuates from absolutely chill to saying lowkey out of pocket things and I might be getting gaslit to thinking you're not at all the latter /j

[rimouskis]

in the last three-ish days I've seen three movies, two were very very good and one was underwhelming:

the element of magical realism truly elevated the film and I thought it was fabulously rendered... it occurred to me earlier today that they literally open with showing Lou being willing to get her hands dirty. like oh my gosh that is just good writing. ugh. love. Ed Harris was so damn good in this role and I thought kstew knocked it out of the park. she was still very much herself in this role (as I think she often is, lol) but it played to her strengths and she pulled out some GREAT humor in a dark script. that being said it's such a dark story that I don't know how rewatchable it is? Like I really appreciated it as an art piece about cycles of violence and if we can escape them, but it's definitely a viscerally upsetting film lol. alas I am a little baby about some things and that does include gore and violence, which this movie wielded well as a narrative tool. Also Katy O'Brien...... what a casting. Again, they chose the right people for this movie.

I think my favorite is ultimately love lies bleeding because I was so impressed by the story and the cinematography. (That shot they kept showing of the gym with the town in the background at night... it was like a painting. There was SUCH an excellent sense of Place kn this film, and i love a good sense of Place).

a VERY VERY close second (and I think the more rewatachable film, honestly) was monkey man. I just got out of the theater so I haven't gotten all my thoughts straight yet but whaaaaat a strong directorial debut from dev... he was wonderful in his role and I was stunned by all the gorgeous visuals. I would love to know more about how this is a commentary on the current politics in India (I've read a post or tweet here and there) so I'm going to go find some articles when I get home, but I definitely will be watching this again. I thought it could have used tighter and more directed editing or writing around the middle - as soon as kid got to the temple I think the plot became a little muddled as we got his full backstory, and I do think we could have gotten a tighter or more... explicit(?) recovery journey/Finding His Purpose moment. But I think the hijra of the temple were so charming and the cinematography so beautiful that I'm willing to forgive some clunky plotting and exposition, you know? no movie needs to be perfect to be VERY good.

also my GOD the fight scenes were so visceral. once again I am a huge baby and was flinching so many times during the movie lol but I was totally sucked into the action. I was slapping my hand over my mouth several times lol.

one more mention of the sheer beauty of this film... the hijras' skirts spinning in that second to last fight were sooooo lovely and just spoke to great art direction. Will definitely watch again, and can't wait to do so with more information about the inspiration/parallels being drawn here.

My loser of the movie marathon was challengers:/ which toooo be fair it was the movie I watched LEAST closely (I was watching it at home on my computer, mostly because I wanted to see the scene with the knee injury since I saw the animatronic/fake Zendaya body they made to shoot the scene).

anyways, I wasn't in love with the cinematography nor the plot. It just wasn't my speed, and while I think Zendaya can play a haughty mean woman very well, I was... not very captured by the twisted tale of these three characters. Wasn't for me, alas.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 40

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: You finally open Billy's letter [Also this is now starting a storyline separate from the show]

"Y/N It's been almost a month..you aren't curious just what's in that envelope?" Alice asked while the two of you walked out the hospital from dropping a patient off. "I am! Believe me, I am but as bad as I hate to admit it.. I don't want to be alone when I see whatever it was Billy thought was so important for me to have" 

You were proud of yourself any time you managed to say his name without your voice breaking. It was hard seeing him in the shape he was. There were guards on his door twenty four even though so far there hadn't been much change in his condition. The only reason you were allowed in the door was because Dinah had called Mahoney who had given you a pass. You were allowed into his room once a week for thirty minutes. It wasn't a lot and he probably didn't even know you were there but what was important was that you knew you were there. 

Once the two of you were in the ambulance and headed back to the station house she said "Why haven't you said something? I would've already came over for a night to hold your hand while you open it" you shot her a smile "I may call Karen and get her to come too, Pete's supposed to be back in town this weekend" you'd let her in on Frank's new persona so the two of you could freely talk about him in public or at the station house.

You chanced a glance at her since the two of you were stopped at a red light  "Is he still acting off towards you?" You sighed with a nod "I don't know what it is. You don't think he really does blame me on some level? I mean if Billy hadn't picked the way he had"

"Hell no. He loves you. He would never hold you still being alive against you. Why don't you just ask him? I mean you've never had a problem with being blunt" you laughed because from anyone else that would sound like an insult but coming from Alice you knew it was a compliment. "I may do just that" 

---------------------

The rest of the shift was nothing unusual. Of course Hunter slipping in the bays and almost knocking himself out on the corner of the firetruck caused a round of laughter once everyone made sure he was ok.

While you were gathering your stuff to leave the next morning you were on the phone with Curtis to see if he needed any help with the soup kitchen. "Y/N are you sure? I mean you're coming off a twenty four hour shift" you zipped up your bag and shrugged which caused Alice to roll her eyes.

"You're on the phone babe. Curt can't see that shrug" you stuck your tongue out at her and she laughed so you said "Curt I'm getting off now. Soup kitchen isn't till four. I can go home, shower and take a nap. Please? I can't stand the quiet of my apartment quite yet" he let out a breath then finally said "Ok. I'll see you then"

Alice was leaned against the wall watching you so you waved a hand "Go ahead Hendricks" she put her hands up in a defensive manner "Don't shoot the messenger but are you still seeing Kenzie in office? I mean are you working through the trauma of finding two of the people you have known and loved for years half dead?"

"I'm facing it a little at a time. If I go all or nothing I may just break down" you admitted and she held her arms out so you walked into them. She hugged you tightly then said "No shame in breaking down honey" you nodded then finally said "I promise, I'm as ok as I can be given the circumstance" she let you go but held your gaze for a second "If you ever need me I'm here ok?" You smiled "I know"

---------------------

You walked to your apartment in silence. The air had the crispness of winter starting to it. Lisa and Frank Jr would be wanting to go ice skating, Maria would be talking about Christmas dinner. You hugged your jacket tighter around you trying to ward off the coldness of your mind. It was your fault they were dead.

Billy had put your life ahead of Frank's and it had ended up costing all of you everything. Maybe that was why Frank had barely spoken to you since the fight. Maybe he was trying not to hate you but maybe the thought kept popping in his head as well that maybe if Billy had just told him, even if it had cost your life Maria and the kids could've been spared.

You were jarred out your thoughts by a text alert going off on your phone. You pulled it out and smiled when you saw Leo's name. "Mom wants to know if you're still planning to come to Christmas dinner" damn you'd actually forgotten about Sarah's invite.

You texted back "Unless I end up assigned a shift at the last minute I'll be there kiddo" she sent back a few smiley emojis. You formed a friendship with all the Liebermans, even managing to win Zach off with a few gnarly tales of injuries you'd seen on the job.

David still side eyed you at times so you'd call him micro with an attitude to your voice to make a smile sneak onto his face. It was weird seeing a halfway functional family. Kenzie had set them up with a family therapist she knew and trusted so they were working through their issues.

Even Sam was making strides in his physical therapy but again hearing from Sam how Billy had stopped him from being killed, from Sarah how Billy had stopped her and Zach from being hurt. It fucked with your head. You'd went through hell since Maria and the kids had been killed and he'd known the entire time. He'd left Frank out in the cold when he could've just told him the truth. 

You shook your head and realized you'd made it to your apartment so you headed inside. At least you had helping Curtis to look forward to.

When you left the soup kitchen you still felt a sense of unease. You pulled out your phone and started a new group chat with just Karen and Alice. "I need to know what's in that envelope. My place thirty minutes?" Alice texted back "I'll grab Chinese food" and Karen texted back "I'll bring the wine" you smiled at just how fast the two of them had been willing to give you their night and wondered if maybe Alice had already called Karen. 

Thirty minutes later you were sitting on your couch next to Karen while Alice sat on the floor between your legs "Open it!" She said handing the envelope out to you from where it had sat on your counter for the last few weeks. You leaned forward and downed the rest of your glass before tearing the envelope open. There was a letter, and two more smaller envelopes. "Letter first?" You asked and they both nodded.

You unfolded the piece of paper and your stomach flipped when you recognized Billy's handwriting. You felt your hands start shaking slightly and shook your head "I can't do this.here Karen you read it!" You handed her the letter so she took it gently from your hand then cleared her throat before she started reading aloud.

Y/N,

I've written this letter more than a dozen times just to turn around and burn it. I'm sorry, from the very pit of my soul please believe that. When Rawlins first came to me I didn't want to help him but he made a point, I was in love with you and didn't have anything worth while to offer. Christ if I had known then what I know now I would've shot the bastard in the face. I've hurt you in ways I can never take back or make up for. When I was given the choice of you being in his crosshairs or Frank...shit I didn't know what to do. On one hand my first instinct was to tell you everything then and there but Rawlins knew where you worked, where you lived and I'd see the shit that man was capable of. I split with you an hour before calling him and telling him to kill Frank. Yes I handed my best friend over on a silver platter. I'm not proud of it and I regret not making a different decision every day but I would never regret knowing you're still alive even if you hate me. When I got the call about Maria and the kids I knew how hard it would hit you. Please know that night we spent together I meant it. I just wanted to make your pain go away but before you woke up the next morning Rawlins somehow found out Frank was still alive so I was again handed the choice "Help me hunt down Castle or I'll carve his location out of your little medic" I've made a thousand shitty decisions but loving you isn't one of them. You may not believe a single word in this letter but I had to tell you. There's two more envelopes along with this. One holds the deed to the cabin, it's yours. Maybe just maybe you can remember me in a better light there. The other envelope holds information for a bank account in your name. There's fifty thousand in there, use it however you see fit. I already made sure you had a new vehicle at work maybe now you won't be walking so much. There is also a paper trail to prove not a penny of that money came from Rawlins. It was all honestly earned. I love you.

Billy

You sat there staring at the letter in her hands by the time she was done reading. "Oh my god" Alice breathed opening the two other envelopes and reading over all the paperwork.  "Y/N are you ok?" Karen asked and you numbly shook your head "What am I supposed to do with the money? I don't want it. I make enough at my job. I own this apartment" her and Alice shared a look and you realized it was because you weren't reacting at all. 

"Y/N, babe..it's us. Blow up. Cry. Just react please" Alice said and that seemed to finally break through "Why did he do any of the shit? Did he not fucking love me enough to see how much I loved him? We could've been fucking happy just being together. He fucked it all up for his warped idea of accomplishment and ruined everyone's lives because of it! He says he loves me but I honestly don't know if he ever did. I've lost Maria and both kids and now I think I've lost Frank too" you were crying by that point and finally broke down sobbing. They both moved to have their arms around "Kenz said it was coming" Alice said quietly as you allowed them to hold you.

After a few minutes your crying had slowed to a few hiccups so Karen pushed your hair back from your face "Sweetie, I understand how you must feel but please know you haven't lost Frank"

"Why won't he talk to me Kare?" You asked and she gave a small smile "He feels guilty. I can't say any more than that but I promise as soon as he hits New York he'll come see you ok?"

You nodded and a wave of embarrassment suddenly hit you "Oh god I must look like an idiot" "No you don't" Alice said and Karen nodded in agreement "You look like someone who's been through a lot and who has held it together for far too long" you managed a smile and said "Can we drink now?" Alice scoffed "Bitch please. Drinking is always an option"

The rest of the week you had to admit you'd felt a little better after breaking down. Thursday afternoon you went to the hospital for your thirty minutes.

The process took about an hour to get into the room. You stood by the door for a few seconds before slowly walking over to the bed. The body laying there still didn't resemble anything near Billy. The height was all that was the same. The bandages had yet to come off.

You sat down next to the bed and listened to the machines.  "Billy I don't know if you can hear me. I don't know if you'll ever wake up" you stopped when you felt your throat getting tighter with unshed tears.

After a moment you continued "I don't know why you thought I needed money. I just wanted you. I don't know if you ever felt as deeply for me as I felt for you. When I met Maria I finally learned what familial love was. I was content with just that then she met Frank and Frank was always telling me stories about the smooth talking Billy the beaut. When I met you I never thought I would've fell in love with you. I guess a large piece of my heart will always belong to you. I don't regret it, I just wish things would've been different. I wish you would've just let me go. I know he's moving forward now. He loves Karen even if they're both too scared to admit it but every morning I wake up. I'm reminded I'm the reason they don't and it kills me"

You sat with him for a while long before knocking on the door. The cops gave you everything back and told you to have a good day. They didn't really understand why you came but Mahoney must have told them to not be rude or maybe it was a mutual respect thing despite the rivalry between NYPD and FDNY.

----------------------

When you walked out your phone started ringing. It was Karen's ringtone so you answered on the second ring. "Are you going to be home around nine?" You were a little thrown by her of all people not saying hello. "Why hello Karen. Nice to talk to you and why yes I'll be home at that time"  the hospital visits always put you a little on edge so maybe that was the reason for the extra sass.

She laughed and said "Sorry he's just wanting to know" you knew who she meant. "Oh. Ok. Yeah I'll be there" after the two of you said your goodbyes and she hung up you checked the time. There was still two hours to kill.

-----------------------

You were leaning against your kitchen counter nursing your third cup of coffee when a knock at your door nearly made you throw it. You weren't sure why you were so nervous. Hell it was Frank.

You sat your cup down and hollered "I'm coming!" You took a deep breath before finally opening the door. When you opened it he was standing there with his hood pulled up. You managed a smile at seeing him. "Hey" "Hey" you realized he was left standing in the hall so you stepped back quickly "Shit. Sorry please come in"

He walked in and as soon as you shut the door and turned to face him he pulled you into a hug. "I missed you too but I can't really breathe" you managed and he pulled away "Sorry" you smiled "No problem. Um I've got coffee made?" "Sounds good" he nodded so you lead the way into the kitchen. You poured him a cup and handed it to him then waited for him to talk.  "I've been doing some thinking and we've never really talked about that night. What happened between me and Bill" 

You felt your stomach lurch at the memories  "You don't owe me anything Frank. Whatever happened you both survived. That's what counts" he nodded then said "We damn near killed each other" you almost laughed at his words "Yeah I know. I was the one that kept you both alive until Dinah got ambulances there"

He looked up to meet your eyes then "I never did thank you for that did I? I guess I just got used to getting hurt and you patching me up" you shrugged one shoulder "that's what family is for"

You took a sip of your coffee and a part of you hoped he'd stop there but he sat his cup down. "Y/N I've got to tell you the truth" "Ok" you sat your cup down next to his and leaned against the counter staring up at him. "I baited him into that fight. I said horrible shit about you and I've been too damn guilty to face you" "Frank it doesn't matter" you hated knowing he'd felt any guilt. He shook his head "No it does. Y/N.. I called you pathetic and broken and told him killing you would've done the world a favor"

"That would probably hurt if I didn't agree with it. I should've been killed. I wish I would've been" you didn't realize you were crying until Frank wiped a tear from your cheek "C'mon now sweetheart, don't say that. I've lost too much, don't make me think about losing you too. I'm glad he kept you alive. At least he did one thing right" 

"We're family Frank. Me and you are stuck together. Whatever you said to Billy doesn't matter. Don't you dare hold any guilt for that. What you said doesn't change anything and I know you didn't mean it" 

He nodded then said "I'm gonna start checking in with you more. I'm sorry I haven't here lately"  "It's ok Frank. I know you've went through hell" "So have you sweetheart. So have you" 

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[bluejaysandblackbats]

The Brother Trap

Fandom: DC Comics, Flashfam

Summary: Owen wants to connect with his half-brothers for the first time. Luckily for him, they all go to the same university. Will bad blood between twins keep Owen from the family of his dreams, or is he the missing piece they've always needed?

Chapters: 10/?

Characters: Owen Mercer, Axel Walker, Thad Thawne, Bart Allen, Meloni Thawne, Deborah Morgna, Preston Lindsay, President Thaddeus Thawne Mention

Relationships: Owen Mercer/Axel Walker, Thad Thawne/Deborah Morgna, PrestonBart

Additional Tags: POV Third Person, College AU, Angst and Fluff, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, No Powers AU

Chapter Ten: Game Day

Thad came in from the backyard to get the burger patties. "Mom, are we eating outdoors or indoors?" Thad asked.

Meloni handfed him a bite of loaded potato skins. "What do you think? I could use a different kind of cheese—."

"Mom, it's delicious. You don't have to worry about feeding anybody. We're just playing cards," Thad interrupted. He took another one from her baking sheet and popped it in his mouth. "How many people are coming?"

"Including your friends? There's Linda, Joan, and Helena. So it'll be an eight-person game," Meloni answered as she poured Thad a drink.

"Is there honey in this?" Thad asked.

"Yeah! It's a virgin margarita. Joan's recipe. Good, right?" Meloni asked. She put her hands on her hips proudly as he took another sip. Thad nodded. "Do you want water instead? You look peaked."

"I'm fine, Mom. Last night just caught up with me," Thad reassured her. He took another sip and took the tin pan to the backyard.

Bart took some of the finished dishes out to the backyard while watching a movie. "Mom, I know you said we'd talk about it later—."

"I remember. Um, I just want to talk tonight... Is that okay?" Meloni interrupted. Bart nodded.

"Do you have a snack for me?" Bart asked. Meloni smiled and offered him a potato skin. Bart smiled and made a soft noise. "Thanks." Meloni nodded and tried one for herself.

"You know what? I think I might've outdone myself," Meloni smiled. Bart grinned and took the platter outside. He plopped back down on the couch afterward to watch the rest of the movie.

The doorbell rang once around lunchtime, and Bart ran to open the door. "I've got it!" Bart yelled as he opened the door. Owen and Axel smiled and held up two six-packs each.

"We didn't know if you guys preferred pop or beer," Owen mumbled. Bart invited them in and told them to sit the six-packs on the coffee table. He took them to the kitchen, where Meloni scrambled to find a place to put her tray fresh from the oven. Owen moved a mixing bowl and used a kitchen towel to take the tray from her. "Here, I've got you."

Meloni turned around to thank him. Meloni was speechless the second they met eyes. She hugged him without thinking. "Sorry, um, that was weird... I'll be right back," Meloni whispered as she rushed out of the room.

Owen offered to follow her. "Hey, I'm not trying—. Do you know who I am?" Owen asked. Meloni stopped and nodded as she stood frozen on the staircase. She kept her back turned to Owen as she hugged herself. "Do you want me to go away?"

Meloni turned to him and shook her head. "No. I just—. I feel like such a horrible-. Can we go up to the attic?" Meloni asked. Owen nodded hesitantly and followed her up the stairs. The doorbell rang, and they heard the rest of the guests arrive downstairs. Owen closed the attic door, and Meloni retrieved her locked box and pulled out his picture.

Owen took the picture in his hands, and he swallowed hard. "I don't even know what I'm supposed to call you... Do you know what you're supposed to call me?" Owen asked. Meloni hugged her knees and fought the urge to reach for him.

"You can call me Mel or Mrs. Allen or Mom or whatever you want... I um—. I didn't get to name you, so I don't really know what to call you either," she let out an uncomfortable laugh as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Owen Mercer," Owen answered. He didn't know what to think of her.

"Owen," she smiled as she said the word aloud, "That's perfect. You look like an Owen. Um... Did the family—? They promised—."

"They were okay people... They're gone now, but they were good to me. Can I ask why you gave me up? I'm only a few years older than the twins, and Dad said you weren't with their father..." Owen trailed off.

"Because Digger wasn't ready to be a father, and my dad—. Your grandpa gave me an ultimatum. I could move back with him and let him raise you, or I could give you up," Meloni confessed, "He never would've let you be a child. You would've always felt inadequate—. Owen, I never wanted to give you up. I just didn't want you to grow up the way I did."

Owen gave the photograph back, and he played with his earring. "Did you ever tell anyone that you had another child?" Owen asked.

"I told Don... The boys' father. He offered to help me find you, but you were almost three, and it—."

"I don't hate you. I just want to know you," Owen reassured her, "I don't know what to do. Please stop crying, Mom. I—." Meloni embraced him. Owen hugged her back.

"I was just thinking about you last night, and now you're here, and you're calling me Mom. It'd be weird if I wasn't crying," Meloni whispered. Owen let go and scratched his head.

"I'll stay quiet if you want. I don't wanna do anything to hurt any of you guys," Owen offered. Meloni shook her head.

"No, it's time I open up to them. I was going to talk to Bart and Thad tonight... I'd like all my sons to be there," Meloni replied, "But in the meantime, it would be nice if you kept this between us." Owen nodded.

"Of course, yeah. I um-. Can I ask you for something?" Owen questioned.

Meloni nodded. "Yes, anything. What is it?" Meloni asked.

"Can I keep a picture of you? It doesn't have to be that one. I just—."

Meloni looked through her box and gave Owen a picture of her with Digger. "This was the day I met him... Did he tell you about that?" Meloni smiled. Owen nodded. "You look so much like him. He must've liked that."

Owen chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, he really got a kick out of my smile. Dad said it was like seeing his face with your smile," Owen whispered. He was shocked at how easy it was to talk to her. She stood up, and they hugged once more before they went downstairs and introduced him to their guests.

[mikimeiko]

To the East! Day 1&2 - from Milan to Puglia

It's time to go visit the easternmost train station in Italy, the last one!

Since Italy is really slanted the easternmost station is also pretty far south, so I decided to leave immediately after work, go as far south as I could in one afternoon, and then cover the rest of the distance on Saturday. I'm once again using regional trains with the 3 days train pass, so it's gonna take a lot of trains and a lot of time, but it's also gonna be pretty cheap.

So first train is Milano>Bologna (pretty chill, not too crowded; kind of a boring line that I've traveled a thousand times but it's a windy sunny day and you can see the mountains near lake Garda from Parma which is... impressive).

So many people in Bologna station! I don't have enough time to find something to eat ;_;

Train 2: Bologna>Ancona is packed (I thought the train started from Bologna but it actually came from Piacenza), I had to stand for about the first hour D: When the train gets to the coast is already dark, and I'm a little sad that I can't see the sea (the rail is SO CLOSE to the sea in this part!)

My hotel is literally on the other side of the road from the station XD very nice since it's kinda late and I'm very tired.

(view of the station from the entrance of my hotel that I took the next morning)

~~~

The train I'm supposed to take from Ancona leaves at 11:45, but checkout from the hotel is at 10:00, so I get on an earlier train shares the first half of the line with the one with Pescara, and stop somewhere along the line (Ancona is a big city, and the city center is quite far from the station - also I visited it last summer, and I might as well take a look at somewhere else!).

So train 3: Ancona>Ascoli Piceno (but not really).

(See what I meant? The sea is JUST THERE)

I decided to stop in Grottammare, mostly because I've never been there and the station is pretty close to the sea. The old town is up the hill and it looks very pretty, but I don't have much time so I just stay in the seaside area.

(It's almost November and I wish I brought a short sleeved t-shirt. Most things are closed because the season is over but actually it feels like mid September and the effect is jarring)

Train 4: Grottammare>Pescara is a bit fuller, and I end up in a backward facing seat with only half a window. It doesn't look that different than when I did this route in August, but it is a little greener, and the beaches that were covered in beach umbrellas are now properly visible.

I have a very short time in Pescara to change trains, no time at all to visit anything, but honestly I didn't like it that much last time so that's fine by me. From here I'm basically tracing back the journey I made on the first day of my third leg of the Grand Tour of Italy last summer: same stops, same trains, very different time of day.

Train 5: Pescara>Termoli. The sun is on the other side of the train now, and the sea is SO blue.

I have about an hour in Termoli before the next train, so I get something to eat later and go looking for an ice-cream in the center. In the entire corso there was not one gelateria open. I get that it's the end of October but... Really? No ice cream?

Train 6: Termoli>Foggia. The Molisan coast south of Termoli is one of the wildest, least "developed" in the entire Adriatic coast. Lots of pines, just very long stretches with no building in sight. Beautiful and interesting, compared to everything else (or maybe I should say - compared to what's north of it. Because now that I think about it Puglia also has similar coastlines I think).

And yes, it is not summer and it's SO CLEAR! All the green intermingled with the dark terrain it's just amazingly beautiful. If you want to visit Puglia autumn might be the best season (not if you want to swim in the sea though XD)

All I know about Foggia is that it's been mostly destroyed during WWII and rebuilt hastily, and it's considered one of the ugliest cities kn Puglia. Sadly the train station is quite far from the city center proper and I don't have a lot of time, so I only see the entrance of the Villa (the biggest municipal park) and a bit of a promenade.

Train 7: Foggia to Bari. I'm starting to feel the travel fatigue. I'm ready to be at my destination, but I won't be there for at least another 3 hours probably more. Also it's dark, and the train is older and not very comfortable so meh. Train 7 morphs into train 8 when we get to Bari central station (of course the least comfortable train would be the one that I have to take twice XD). Just an hour, plus 10 minutes waiting for the bus, plus ten minutes on the bus and I'm finally at my uncle's house. It's been A Day. Can't wait to go to sleep XD

[nathank77]

12/25/24

9:16 p.m Changed 9:30 p.m

I'm so exhausted. I got home not too long ago. It took me 3 hours to pick out my Contamination outfit to have Christmas with my mom and sister. I'm not joking 3 hours. In the process I found out a pair of Adidas that were very tight on me fit very loosely now. But yea it was stressful. Really stressful.

I had to pick out an outfit that would be comfortable for my dad's bc well yesterday it was nice dressing up and all that but I had to wear a huge hoodie over everything. A zip up... and a jacket and I was so uncomfortable in the car... so I went simple and wore a basic dark gray under armour shirt with my linkin park hoodie and my jacket. That took me hours to decide on... bc I was like why not wear a t shirt but I still wanted to look nice...

The Contamination outfit was horrible. Trying to find clothes I'm okay with losing.. my mom was a major bitch about Riley being in the crate and also was pretending she's going to rehome her... prob to get me to stay here but I mean Riley absolutely cannot be in the crate for more than 5 minutes without her flipping shit. I got home from dad's and it was 3 minutes before she was like, "she's been in there all day! Can I take her out?" My sister came down to take a photo and my sister was like, "how could it be all day? We have been gone for hours?"

I mean i forgot my mother has a beat up face so the pictures didn't go well. Skye was really sad when we did Christmas this morning with her bc as she put it, "it was all fake." She's really disappointed that she started drinking again.

She bought her concert tickets. My mother was barely even happy lol I got my ps5 and a bunch of stuff i got to put in the attic bc my room is packed full..I didn't get any clothes.. but I got a new bed set so that's good. Sheets and pillows and all that.

I got a couple things I can use but people don't get it when I say if you buy me a shirt I got to take a shirt out of my room and move it to the attic I mean it.. my room is packed. I had already pre planned fitting the ps5 in here... bc I had a feeling. I have a beautiful gaming studio.. I can't wait to play silent hill 2

I got to go to the gym tomorrow.. and I mean im still stressed. I'm worried about sleep. I think my thyriod is a little overactive... I pooped 5 times today.. I ate more the last two days but I mean... and my sleep has been effected. It makes sense. Christmas is over. So hopefully my thyriod returns to normal.

My mother is super pissed about going back to work and having Riley be in the crate all day... she got me vinyl gloves.... but yea riley is going to need to be in the crate all day.. cause I mean they aren't reusable... I can't seem to find a pair of vinyl gloves that are washable and reusable..

But I'm hoping her being crated from 7 a.m to 3 p.m might make her fucking rehome Riley.

When I got home Riley was in the crate but I was hooded and like walking in with a bed sheet set and I had my back turned and she went buck wild barking and then I turned around and she immediately stopped. I guess she didn't recognize me. Cause I mean she was fine once she saw me.

The stress of Riley kills me. I'm glad I went to my dad's but I feel bad about my mom but we opened gifts and I got a lot of stuff... and we were all trying to sit as a family and she was rushing it, "nate you got to get your stuff off the stove. Throw it all on your bed." And I said, " I'm not throwing it on my fucking bed. My room is tight and I'm getting home late and I can't fit it all in my room..... I got to move it into the attic and slowly try to make space for it in my room and I'm like once I start putting stuff away Christmas is over."

I mean she was really fucking mean. I'm super stressed and worried about sleep. I'm worried about my Contamination outfit being contaminated and me being contaminated.

I really need a break. I got to hit the gym tomorrow. And then it's just the grind.. and I mean I still want to kill myself.

I know I'm not going to find someone. I know I'm a loser. I know no one is going to look at me and see their future with me. Maybe i can play silent hill 2 and commit suicide after. Cause I'm not meant for this world.

[cherokeegal1975]

The Grey, WIP: 7/7/23

Well, I wish I had realized yesterday that by painting the base coats of the wings and then just fading out the references over the top of them, I could have saved myself some time and trouble. Now all I have to do is erase around the white wing and it'll be mostly done...save for some highlights I might want to put in.

This was a single image, then a doubled one because my graphics program has a tendency to merge all layers prematurely once in a while. A glitch that I'm not at happy about. I was just able to remove the bulk of the reference picture today. Look so much better without it there.

I was going to do a half gold and half silver halo, but with all that black and white, there's need for more splashes of color. So, the halo will be solid gold and have red jewels set into it. The flames will also add some color as well as the lady's skin. A nice brown. Her hair will be black.

References for the bits I need to see are still there, just invisible at the moment. Except for the frame design. I'm doing my best to eliminate anything I copied from online as fast as possible. Except for the wings of course. I need those.

I will lighten the hue of the cloak; I usually start dark and work lighter then darker again in spots as I go along. I even have brushes that will do fabric textures. I think I might try that. In spite of the need for more color, I still insist that the cloak be grey. Maybe I can add some patterning or something. I'll think about it.

Anyway, I never meant this drawing to look like a playing card. In fact, the main elements of the drawing just showed up randomly in my head when I wasn't really thinking of anything particular. But I liked what I saw, so I'm drawing it.

Yes, I know I'm cheating a lot. This is because sometimes I have trouble translating what's in my mind onto canvas. I can draw the human figure but haven't had a lot of practice at it. Nor do I have a lot of practice drawing clothing. It was just easier to find what I needed online to help me out this time. I don't know who all the artists are who put out all these free resources for me to use. Though angelic figures are common, I can say with confidence that this idea is uniquely mine. Just for the fun of it I did a general search image for a moment and found lots of angels, but nothing exactly like mine. So, there's that.

I can and to draw freehand. I'd do it more often than I have been lately if I had more time. My time off is sporadic at best/worst. Given the choice, I'd spend more time doing everything in my head. Taking a few hours a day just to draw. I can do a solid three hour session of drawing before my brain gets tired and I have to take a break. I rarely get that time lately.

Ugh. This is devolving into a bitch session. I won't do that here. Anyway, when this is completed, people who are into games like Dungeons and Dragons or similar games may use this character as part of your game. Just ask me first because I want to know about it. Give me credit for the design. No, you may not sell it. I need the profits far worse than you do.

I came to think of The Grey as a kind of judge for contests and legal issues...and maybe other things. She knows there's more than one facet to every story, there isn't just pure evil and pure good. There's always those shades of grey. And she's an excellent and fair judge. A living personification of justice and a powerful force for the good side. My mind had to work on this for a while as I drew her "card." Because originally, she had no story, no meaning. I'm still inviting people to have an open interpretation of her character however.

I can also see this as a big poster over someone's bed simply because it looks cool. It would be a nice decoration, especially if it turns out as nice as I want it to.

I'd appreciate it if no one used my idea until it was completed. I might make some changes along the way that I won't know about until I get there. Not that I think anyone will really. Every offer of free resources I put out gets ignored. I don't know why.

I will also post this on Redbubble when it's done and send a link. I can't seem to completely let my optimism go even though I'm aware that no one wants to buy my artwork. I don't know why.

[tabbytabbytabby]

All the truth that I can tell

Read on AO3

Eddie's always been careful with his words, in most cases at least. He only reveals what he has to. Everything else stays closely guarded to his chest. What he doesn't say can't be used against him. Or something along those lines. It's what his father always told him. 

"Be careful what you say, Edmundo."

And so Eddie just kept it all in. 

Until he couldn't. 

Until it all got to be too much, and everything came rushing out. All his fears and doubts. Everything he's fought so hard to keep inside.

But then Buck was there, walking into the mess with him, helping him pick up the pieces and assemble them back together, both outwardly and inwardly. It may not look the way he used to–  he knows he certainly doesn't feel the same– but somehow, it's easier. He's taking it day by day, breath by breath, and he's somehow come out on the other side okay.

He knows he wouldn't have made it half as far without Buck. 

Buck, who would probably scoff and roll his eyes if Eddie ever said half as much to him and tell him he got here on his own. He was simply there to offer a hand if Eddie needed it. 

"You have a great partner in Buck," Frank says one day a few months into their sessions. 

Eddie shrugs. "Maybe, but we don't work together anymore."

"I wasn't just talking about just on the job, Eddie," Frank says. "At home. In life."

"Yeah, well, Buck he's..." Eddie trails off, unsure how to put what Buck is into words. "He's my best friend."

And yet, that doesn't seem like enough. It seems too small for what they've been through. 

Frank must sense Eddie's uncertainty because he raises an eyebrow. "Is that all?"

"What?" 

"The way you talk about Mr. Buckley and his place in your and Christopher’s life," Frank continues. "Is he simply just your best friend?"

"I've never had a lot of friends," Eddie admits. Certainly none like Buck. "You know? I've never let anyone get close to me."

"But Buck has," Frank says. It's not a question. 

"Yeah," Eddie says. "Buck is different. He's always been different."

"And why is that?" Frank asks him. 

"I guess I just feel differently when I'm around him," Eddie says.

"How do you feel?"

Eddie looks away, once again thrown by the enormity of the question.

He can't answer Frank, but he also can't get the conversation out of his head. He's still thinking of it when he gets home an hour later, and Buck is making dinner with Christopher. The two are laughing as Buck shows him how to break the pasta. 

All Eddie can do is watch. He leans against the doorframe and smiles as he looks at the two most important people in his life. 

And that– Eddie's known Buck is important– has known for a while. He put him in his will to be Christopher’s legal guardian, for Christ's sake. But this is different. 

"How do you feel?"

Eddie thinks he knows how to answer that, but it's terrifying. Because it could change everything. And if Buck doesn't…

"Eddie?"

Eddie snaps his head up to find Buck watching him. Christopher is nowhere to be seen. 

"He went to wash up while dinner finishes," Buck says, answering Eddie's silent question.

Eddie nods. Clears his throat.  "He really loves you, you know?"

Buck smiles at that– not his usual wide grin but something softer. "Yeah, I love him too. He's a great kid."

"He is," Eddie says and steps closer. "But he's not yours."

Buck's face falls at that, and Eddie reaches for him, takes his hands in his, and carries on before Buck can get too far in his head. Because that's not what he meant at all, and Buck needs to know that. "I mean, he is, but he wasn't always. But you've always been here and done so much for him. For us. And I– I'm making no sense."

"You are," Buck says. "I love that kid like he's my own. I'd be glad if he was. He's... he's my world, Eddie. You both are."

Eddie takes a deep breath. There it is. That feeling bubbling up inside, wanting to break out. Normally, Eddie would keep a tight lid on it. But now– Buck's here, open and vulnerable as ever. And all Eddie wants to do is let him know he's not alone in this.

"I talk about you in therapy," Eddie says suddenly. "A lot, apparently. Frank has picked up on it. He said you make a good partner. But he didn't just mean at work. And he's right. You've been my partner in everything, Buck. And that got me thinking. He asked me how I felt– about you– I couldn't answer him. But maybe it just didn't feel right saying it for the first time to someone other than you."

"And how do you feel, Eddie?" Buck asks him.

Unlike before, Eddie's not afraid. This is Buck. His best friend. His partner. He's always had Eddie's back, and that's not going to change now.

So Eddie smiles and brushes his thumb across Buck's knuckles, his eyes not leaving his as he says, "I love you."

Buck's answering smile is small– private–  just for him. "I love you, too, Eds. So much."

It's only natural for Eddie to lean in, closing the remaining distance between them, and kiss Buck. It's soft–  chaste– a long overdue hello. He pulls back to look at Buck. His eyes are closed, mouth slightly parted, and a smile on his lips. 

"Wow," Buck breathes. His eyes slip open and meet Eddie's, his smile growing.

Eddie grins. His head drops to Buck's shoulder, and he lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Maybe he always has been. All he knows is these past few months, it's like he's been learning to breathe again–  the right way. Buck's been there through it all, just like he's here now, and he'll be here still.

Buck's arms wind around him, holding him close. He takes another breath in, then out. 

He thinks about Frank's question again.

How do you feel?

And he thinks he knows the answer for certain now.

Safe. At home. Loved. Free. Like himself. Only the version he's always wanted to be but was too afraid. The version that lets himself have all these things–  things that he's craved for years, yearning to reach out for with desperate hands. But he doesn't have to yearn anymore. There's no desperation when he lifts his head to look at Buck again–  only peace, happiness.

"You okay?" Buck asks him.

Eddie nods. Any moment now, Christopher’s going to come in asking about dinner. There's a lot they need to talk about still. This is all so new. But for now, he's content to just be– here in this moment with Buck. 

Eddie smiles and kisses him– slow, lingering. "Never better."

[gamerbearmira]

Angst!!!!

Warning: swearing

Mirabel helped herself to an arepa. She was currently ten. She was tired. She looked to the clock kn the wall as the tick drew her attention. "Midnight!?" She thought and quixklt made a milk bottle. She went upstairs inti the nursery to see w very grumpy baby boy. He cooed seeing her. "Hola tonito" she whispered picking him up and feeding him the milk. Neither were aware as the door opened slightly and someone or some people entered. "Tonito your sj small" she smiled tiredly. "Tia won't be happy if she sees me here though and she gets up soon, please go to sleep I dknt want to be yelled at. One by tia for being annoying and bad, two by abuela for bejng up this laye then everyone else fir the same reason, they all hate me so theyll find a reason, youll be the same when you get your gift though, i cant get attached" she smiled as antonio laughed. "Alright, sleep time now" she put him down and crouched stroking his head through the bars. He was dozing off to sleep when mirabel heard a slight tap on the floorboards..... rain. She ignored it. "Night tonito" the baby fell asleep. Mirabel turned around tk see no one there? Casjta must've opener her door. She looked out to see the doors slightly open. She went out and closed jt behind her, she went to her tias room and looked inside. They weren't in bed!? She looked over the banister tk see them all downstairs. "Does she realy think that?" Her tio felix's voice asked. She was hidden in the darkness. Mirsbel waw dressed in her day clothes. "She's useless. We dont love her we jsut tolerate her, she's stupid" Alma was cut off by a sniffle. They turned to see mirabel, "wow.....now that's harsh" "mira-" julieta was cut off by the girl going upstairs. "She'll calm down by tommorow, now go to bed" they did. Little did they know they wouldn't se ever tommorow.

Mirabel got pen and paper and started to write.

Dear familia, I'm leaving casita and the encanto, antonio js coming with me. He isn't staying in a toxic environment like this, you all tolerate me and I don't wanna be a burden so goodbye

The gift less one

She placed it in the crib and took antonio, she packed a bag with all sorts if usefull stuff and some embriodery, she could make blankets! She got a ruana and put antonio in it to carry him. She climbed out the window and ran, she ran to the outskirts and out the town she wasn't seen the next day.

Thr family woke uo late. "I'll feed antonio" pepa went into the nursery then thunder cracked. Rhe family entered. "Find mirabel" she turned to the family "NOW!" rhey ran out trying to find her but she seemed to dissapear! She was gone and anronio qas to. Little did they know in ten years they'd get a visit

Gah dayum 💀💀 went from 0 to 100 real quick. But like. Why they gotta talk bad about her behind her back like that. And why didn’t the cool couple defend her???? Tf???? Shiiiii not surprised she took Antonio and dipped.