#so I'm not gonna buy any nice food and live off bread bc mum doesn't buy me stuff I like to eat
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... jumping into pride month in the worst way vent in tags
#that's what bank loans are for#unmanly#a real man doesn't like or do x#i feel so emotionally fragile#about everything#all the shit that is going on and school and the future#and im being pushed to show dad my research project bc he can edit it#but i dont want to#but if i dont mum and dad will be very angry#i already know that i have to a find a job this summer#bc mum and dad wont help with money for moving out#so I'm not gonna buy any nice food and live off bread bc mum doesn't buy me stuff I like to eat#bc it's not vegan#im not gonna go out for nice food or to hang out with friends bc they involve spending money ie seeing each other for a drink#i already feel fucking trapped#it's gonna be so much worse#dad deadnaming j and making jokes about it#me having many hobbies and things#it just makes me so scared bc i know when i come out he'll be difficult about it#and not take me seriously#bc#and i need some financial support from them bc I dont have any money for a deposit or anything#im so scared#im so fucking tense all the time#and still being suicidal it is not helpful to have these kinds of thoughts#bc it would be easier to just give up!!#it would be!!!#fuck#personal#vent
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