#so I'll have to get it online I guess
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omg I've been wanting to get storm bringer in japanese for a while but I'd have to order it online and I don't want to pay the shipping bc im sure it'll be a lot for just a $12 book but I just realized I can get love stage too bc you have to have an order of $50 to get free shipping... and I don't have any other place around here to get it 😭😭
#txt#tho I will try to search kino for s///torm bringer one more time I think... maybe this weekend#I'll still get l///ove stage even if I find it bc i want that#and fr I can't think of any other place that would have it#I've checked all non barnes and noble bookstores but 1 around me (don't think the other one will have it)#and none of the anime specific stores by me have manga :'(#so I'll have to get it online I guess
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okay, because i saw a poll earlier and i thought the choices weren't clear enough and also the answers i saw to it annoyed me and also i'm curious:
NOTES:
I am including having watched gameplay of a game and not having played it as having watched the source material
In this context if you are writing fic/making art and you are not being commissioned to do so. This is purely for funsies
You getting into something because you saw a post/gifset/video about it and then watched the source material does not count. That's just how you get into new things.
Goncharov does not count because it's not real. I'll break kayfabe here I don't care.
#polls#look i got really annoyed by reading the tags of the since-deleted poll of people like 'did you forget goncharov hahaha' like.#that. that's not what was asked.#also like. i'll reblog posts of something ive not seen if i think theyre interesting/funny#but i don't count that as like. 'engaging in fandom" necessarily#bc to me at least fandom requires active engagement? and like im not gonna go hunting for like. leverage posts if ive not seen it#i also don't read fanfic like. at all. so i have no concept of how people read it?#like. i last read fanfic like 2 years ago bc i had just finished disco elysium#so people who read fic bc of the like. tropes or whatever like. i do not get it. im happy for you though#anyway. sorry i went insane i love u all#ben leaves the house#or doesnt. i guess in this case. a very Chronically Online Poll
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Mission: to get an anniversary gift for dear mr nube
Way to accomplish mission: look for the most horrendous piece of decor out there
#ok he'll also have regular cute gift#but this man is known for his questionable decor taste#that actually sends me in fits of laughter everytime we walk by an antique shop#so i guess i'll have to vover my eyes and buy something really ugly aksjjakxjahgkañdnjq#he's been insisting on getting a duck pop corn maker#now that sounds cute but i promise you it's not#the duck popcorn maker is an ancient horrible thing that doesn't even make popcorn the right way#the duck has a blue hat tho i think that's whay appeals to him#unfortunately wasn't able to find it online but i found an equally questionable alternative#he has already promised to steal for himself a couple of disturbing chinese statues my aunt has at her place to set next to the couch#like in guarding position#and let me tell you those statues are the stuff of nightmares#but i already now deep down that one day those horrid things will be at home#*sighs*#i do love the silly man sm tho#OH BOY TAG RANT#personal nube
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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Hi tumblr, I'm back!
Spent the past month glaring at people in bg3 and it was glorious
#time to do a scroll and fill up my queue again!#I'm also on vacation for a bit and feel the writing bug starting to return which is nice#This has been the longest break I've taken from that in two years and I uh needed it#I guess this is also a “there's going to be a lot of bg3 here from now on too” notice#still not sure what to do about the branding of my fandom accounts#but I like it when people are the entire contents of their brain online so I guess that's me now too hi I have two fandoms now#(and I'll get better at tagging for each/will continue to use the bg3 spoilers tag when relevant)#in that vein:#bg3#valas devir
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wild to me how the english translation of natsume is just. largely out of print i guess?? like half of the volumes you can't get ANYWHERE for love nor money, not even on amazon (unhallowed be its name)! i've found like five sites that sell print volumes and they've all got the same selection (vols 1, 2, 17, 19, 27-29, sometimes 24-26) and if you want any others you are SOL. though what's interesting is i'm pretty sure last time i looked it up a few months ago, you couldn't get volume 17 anywhere either. did they do a print run just of that volume?? total mystery.
#and then amazon does have a handful of volumes you can't get anywhere else (used) but they're selling for $40 to HUNDREDS#OF DOLLARS??? the volume with yorishima's intro is going for $251 😭#i went so far as to look up the french translation and of course THEY are all in print and selling for 8 euros. i'll be real. i am tempted#it's nice that i can read volumes online but i really want to read them in bed before i fall asleep and i just cannot do that w e-versions#i guess i'll just check back in every few months to see if they've decided to go back and reprint any old volumes idk#and probably go back to checking them all out at the library. but the thing is the urge strikes me suddenly and i want to read them#immediately#this is such a non-problem i'm just. surprised i guess? i understand this isn't a hugely in demand series but it is#still running...and they're making a new season of the anime...idk idk i just expected it to be more accessible#take my money viz media!!!#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou
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just recently watched this is us with my college friends
#tbqh i found it kinda boring 😭#the louis clips were so not enough#ive watched some clips online prior to actually watching it (for the first time might i add)#one of my friends had a cousin who was crazyyy ab 1d so she dragged her out to the cinema to go watch it when it came out and in 3d lol 😭#the 3d schtick is so funny 2 me lmao 😭#my friend recalls freaking out in the movie theater bc she was a major niall fan at the time. she said 3d niall was so close 2 her face lol#anyway. ab how i watched some clips online prior#i was actually waiting for the louis n his sisters part or the one where he visits his school or smth#my friends.... they literally don't know a thing ab louis personality-wise so they didn't really get much from it#UGH i should download aotv and make them watch it that was way more interesting (but idk? smth about it feels like it's made for fans only?#but... i'll suggest it the next time we get together 🙏🏼#anyw back to my review.#simon cowell's face was a jumpscare what can i say. it was so evil how nicole scherzinger was just. completely written off#im from the future i Know things#<- and like. about this. i felt kinda bad being cynical about the movie when i know my friend is Still an ot5 at heart#i think i broke her 13-year old heart a little 😭#it's so weird how the movie keeps singling out zayn about him getting kicked out or him talking solo music etc kskdj. feels v pointed Lol#they really just documented the 1d-mania & madness they ensued huh.... i think 2 of my friends (bts fans) weren't as impressed LOL 😭#they kinda flamed their performances and stage outfits which is. yeah i agree. kpop idols do WAY more than just.... that (1d) kskskd#i guess i'll make them watch the extra clips next time (o haven't seen all the clips yet i think)#OH and 😭 why was martin scorsese in the film that was hilarious#didn't have a lot of realness to it. is what i thought of the film. yeah. this is(N'T) us ✊🏽😔#maybe... i am too much of a hater#i liked... the... um. it's hard to highlight things i liked ab the film when im Not a 1d fan 😭 like im a louie ONLY idgaf ab 1d 😔#the part ab louis audition.... im sorry babie the editors did u dirty but it was so funny........😭#<- though i imagine it solidified people's (wrong) opinions about him :/
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i wonder if there's the potential for a solution to the doxxing fucking over marginalized people specifically thing and/or the some people only being able/knowing where to engage with community online thing if we we were able to like. weaponize the relative lack of actual anonymity in the opposite direction.
like for one thing, instead of doxxing just resulting in problems from others in person, using that information to actively support the person instead, and for another for the other potentially more targeted use of the internet to find people to engage with in person (although that one you'd have to be even more careful about in case it worked in the opposite direction. I'm just thinking it would be nice to have something more structured/widespread than happening to find out your internet friends are in your local area, that could potentially be used to circumvent people not meeting in third spaces/other issues people have initially finding local community in person.)
It would be nice if instead of exclusively finding offline solutions/telling people how to be more careful we could also use what's often part of the problem to our advantage when it does happen. Like, having a way to address it that isn't only preventative.
#no idea whether it's actually practical im essentially just thinking outloud#if we could have another pokemon go thing where people have the opportunity to#encounter each other on a friendly basis in person because of their phones that would also be nice#idk how you'd do some of this in a way that's actually 'safe' though#mypost#the doxxing response thing would have to be either like. a general cultural shift which is probably very unlikely#or a targeted attempt to support people affected that extends to their local area#and the other would kind of just require people to be fine with telling people online roughly where they are it seems like#unless there's some additional vetting process or something you could use first#which would obviously have a bunch of risks + more for some people than others#but like. part of my personal situation re online safety#is that a. i've already been on here and posting shit since i was a younger teen#and it would be practically impossible to make my normal social media doxx-proof to begin with#and b. none of my political opinions or me being trans or anything are exactly a secret in person#so anything someone could try to harass me with in person would either be trying to just like. embarass me in general i guess (useless)#telling people something they already know (also useless)#lying (could cause mostly temporary problems with the wrong person at most)#swatting (okay yeah this one could cause problems if they're stupid enough#to fall for it but also i don't really think there's anything to be done about it)#or other threats to my physical safety (people can do that anyway considering how outwardly visible i am about my#opinions/being trans/etc + that would require them to be in my phsyical proximity as well)#so basically my threat model for internet security is way more lax on General Social Media than a lot of people would think it should be#and i've used the same url for events i've attended in person#but considering that people could definitely find me if they really wanted one way or the other + there's nothing really. secret? on here.#like. there's stuff i wouldn't randomly bring up in conversation but none of this is something i'm actively hiding really#and then if there's something i do want to use the internet for but want to keep Secret secret from my irl identity#that's just a whole different account that i'm creating#tldr you can't realistically intimidate me by threatening to reveal information that's already public knowledge#i guess maybe once i move i'll have to reconsider whether i want to try a new threat model since some of the infomation people would be abl#to get easily would be outdated but i also almost prefer it to stay mostly a moot point so people can't effectively use it as leverage
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been having some mediocre naps lately :/ but i just woke up from one where i dreamt i was watching an amv of volo pokemon set to everybody's fool by evanescence and now i don't know what to do with myself
#i havent watched an amv in so long#so idk if this idea actually exists idk im stopping myself from checking bc i'll get sidetracked#but since im doing online school and have fewer classes this sem i shoul learn how to make them#i dont even like volo that much why him lmao#pla always haunting my subconcious i guess teehee#shrimp.talk
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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Got all excited last night bc i saw a post from a mod on the gta o subreddit abt the Halloween update being set to drop today around 5 AM (backed up by at least two gaming websites that had stories also stating the same start time and date)
Went in today ready for Halloween and uh. Nothing lol
Checked the actual Rockstar website and there's no mention of it, just that RDR o is getting a Halloween update this week
If i was a betting man I'd start a pool on how late in the month it'll be by the time the gta Halloween drops lmao
(also a pool on how likely it is the mod is lying; as they continue to insist they have access to all the usual Halloween stuff in GTA o today and that everyone who doesn't must not know how to restart their game to see if that changes anything, or maybe they didn't click play on GTA but a different game in their library? Which is insulting af, especially to the guy with the flare that shows he's at a level so high in the game that i frankly didn't know existed, who called them out and asked if maybe they didn't get confused and thought gta and rdr were both getting the update at the same time. Person was nice abt it, just asked plainly and said it was ok if that was the case, but that it would be helpful for others to know. poor dude immediately got piled on by the mod for it but like. he's right lmao. if that's the case it's fine! mistakes happen! but stop insisting you have access to something seemingly no one else trying to play online does!)
#text post#none of this matters but the depression is eating me alive today so I'm in a shit mood (trying to work myself out of it tho)#and admittedly was excited for the update#i like the Halloween one even more than the xmas one tho i love driving in the snow in game#i even set a notif on my calendar for today abt it like an idiot lmao#last time an update like this was late i couldn't get it work until nearly the last week of the event#so. guess I'll just hope i can maybe play any of the Halloween stuff before the month is over and they remove it#if it makes it in at all this year tbh bc clearly ppl are still trying to fuck with their servers#i can tell bc even tho i can get into online most times now the actual game is acting real fucky lmao#watched a crowd of NPCs walk into the sea#found another one walking in tight circles in the underground bit of the subway/train tunnels#he then dissipated as he walked into a concrete wall which ngl. that creeped me out lol so i got some accidental Halloween stuff#but uh. they don't normally do shit like that nor does my motor bike usually disappear from betwixt my legs#as I'm mid huge jump and literally in the air#spoiler alert: I did not successfully complete that stunt jump but the hospital fixed my guy up#wish my bike would come back from wherever in the shadow realm it went now. just bought it and really liked it too#anyway im gonna have some floor time and work on laundry i guess bc my brain is like#'well if the update isn't up then you have no reason to play. why not throw yourself in a deep pit instead?'#but i got laundry to do and work tonight so the pit will have to wait#(also goddamn it I'm sticking around to check on that fucking update even tho I'm almost definitely wasting my time)
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The debut album by a band I've been listening to a lot lately just vanished off spotify, and so did their second album EXCEPT for the first track. I would have assumed it was just them starting to take their music off the platform and they just didn't make an announcement or anything (maybe those albums were demonetized with the latest bullshit spotify is pulling) but why is just one track on the second album still up?
#im honestly wondering if I should just dm them on insta and ask...#i'm gonna have to go back to ripping my own music from library CDs or finding them online cause spotify just keeps getting worse#but it's such an overwhelming task cause I listen to thousands and thousands of songs across hundreds of artists#and id love to support my favourite artists by just buying some of my most listened to albums#but that's dozens of albums & CDs are like $20+ now... i can't be dropping hundreds of dollars on CDs I simply don't have the money#im so sick of streaming I miss physical media so bad. and when physical media that wasn't so damn expensive#I have a modest cd collection that I add to from time to time but it's maybe 20 albums? and mainly stuff i listened to in high school#Guess I'll be asking for CDs for Xmas idk#This is gonna be such a massive undertaking to find/download/organize all this music#fuck spotify#august talking
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well i guess i can play bg3 now, assuming it finishes downloading sometime in the next 2 months
#personal#despite following many people who are very into it i still know absolutely nothing about what it's about#like i know the premise of the brain tadpoles but that's it#i definitely need to do something fun after the last few days of supervising peach#(update: after not eating or sleeping for 3 days she is now doing both! she's very hungry and very tired and im very relieved)#but also after the last 6 hrs of just non-stop downloading and installing things. windows is sooo bad for upgrading#all the dai dlc probably has another 20-30 mins left and then ive finished all the da games and also all my modding tools#i think im actually not bothered even transferring my old saves for the da games. i never go back once ive finished a playthrough#i guess the only thing is if i wanna play da2 before next playing dao and have to use a custom worldstate hm#the only other thing is that dao doesnt connect online anymore so i have no achievements or rewards for completing dlc#it wouldnt be too hard to find my user profile file on my old hard drive but i almost wanna start from scratch and see how long it takes#the thing with that tho is that it's probably the worst (or maybe best lmao) game to have my achievements reset#because it takes a minimum of 6 playthroughs to get all achievements (assuming you finish every game you start)#for da2 it's 3 (reach kirkwall with each class) and for dai it's 1#but dao has an achievement for each origin and even other than that there are achievements for filling each ability tree#(min 5 playthroughs of the base game or 3 with awakening) and all romances (4) and all endings (3 i think)#anyway. whatever i'll decide later. the only utility of achievements are the dlc ones that unlock items#huh this is a post about bg3 and i spend most of the time talking about da#anyway bg3 currently says 2 hrs remaining but that'll probably speed up once the dai dlc finishes. only have trespasser left#and whatever tf 'english voice over pack' is??
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oh my god what happened?? are you alright? do you need any help?
alright i will preface this by saying that physically, i am COMPLETELY FINE. please don't worry about me too much, i promise i'm physically okay and it's not that bad
the rest is under the cut not for length but in case people want to skip past it (warning for people being unpleasant)
so the short story is that someone i thought was an online friend suddenly sent me a pretty awful DM before blocking me. they said a lot of genuinely hurtful things which wasn't really good for my mental state since they preyed on a bunch of my insecurities, and i thought that i could trust this person. i'm doing better now thanks to my irl friends, but recovery is a process as usual. i'm not sure if you can really help apart from being emotional support, but your concern is appreciated nonetheless <3
#not brainrot#anon#btw if anyone wants me to put any trigger warnings just tell me and i'll get right on it#and people WONDER why i have trust issues especially with people online#they also had the gall to bring up my Foul Legacy addiction which is just so low#in case you haven't noticed i'm not the most confident person in the world and this whole debacle made it worse#it was also very out of the blue i kinda spent the first morning in shock#nor was it accusations it was just 'lol here are all the reasons i hate you' so that's. nice.#guess they've been holding onto these feelings for a long time. wish they could've been a bit kinder about it#not to mention that some of the stuff they said was straight up untrue#but my irl friends helped me a bunch so big thank you to them#anyways if i seem distant to people online these types of situations are why#i know this isn't a SUPER bad thing to happen from an outside pov but i sure didn't feel good after it#just a tad sad#unpleasant things#uhh dunno if i'll post anything else today but we'll try
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Gonna also get my license soon. This time for real.
Need to find that sheet of the driving times... hmmm
#speculation nation#gonna get some more practice to increase my comfort but im generally a good driver already regardless#i just need to have the damn driving log sheet#which ive never actually filled out but certainly i have enough experience#(never recorded anything bc my dad told me from the start aka fresh 16 year old that he cared more about ability than experience#so even if i didnt log as many hours as required if he felt like i was ready then he'd have me take the test.#this makes more sense when U know he was a UPS driver so he was all about driving safety above all else.)#so. im just gonna make some shit up. but i need the sheet to do so lol.#if i cant find it maybe i'll go on campus and print one out. i think i can still do that even tho im in an online class rn#worth a try at least. if not then Uhhhh i guess i could try to buy a printer lol. probably would be good for me to have one#and they cant be That expensive can they...??#oh well i'll try the school first. if i cant locate it in my apartment that is. idk i'll just have to see.#either way im gonna get my license soon bc i dont wanna be stuck without easy transportation again#now that i no longer have a girlfriend to drive me places :p ya kno#i want the freedom. and this time for sure im gonna actually do it.
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