#so I’ve just been booping Jude | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cilliankelly · 4 years ago

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DRUNK ON HALLOWEEN

FEAT: cillian & @judetaylorhq

WHEN: the halloween party (2020)

DESCRIPTION: the thread that started it all, for the first time ever, coming to a dash near you. cillian kisses jude for the first time and everything he’s ever known changes forever. in the best possible way.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: gay panic, light internalized homophobia\

Cillian

cillian was nice and drunk. not so much so that he couldn’t see straight, but he was definitely feeling good, almost kind of floating from one room to the next, though in reality it was more of a clumsy stagger. he was wandering around, exploring the house, admiring the spooky decorations that he really couldn’t appreciate until he was like, 5 drinks deep, when he stumbled into the bedroom. he was pretty sure someone was sitting on the bed and the first thought that came to his drunken mind was aw hellz yeah because admittedly, cillian was a pretty horny drunk. once he realized it was his best friend though, he got even more excited because finally, he’d run into someone he actually knew at this damn party. “dude, you dunno how stoked i am to see you, man,” he enthused, words a bit slurred as he crossed the room to sit beside jude. “now the party can really begin.”

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Jude had only stepped away from the party to smoke a joint, sure getting drunk was a blast and all, but being around a bunch of people he didn't know? Made him a little on edge, he'd slipped into a bedroom, opened the window and made himself at home, and high. Once he was done, he'd decided to take a nice nap, and it wasn't until the door opened and a drunk Cillian stumbled in that he remembered he was at a party, "Bro..." He chuckled, looking up at Cillian, "Duh, homie, we are the party." He grinned, sitting up further and staring at Cillian. "Every chick I've talked to here has a baby." He'd talked to one person, but that was enough for him to draw his own conclusion, "I'm not ready to make a baby momma." He shrugged, perfect logic was clearly top of mind for him tonight and he picked up his mask, holding it up over his face and leaning closer to Cillian, "Cil, would you still love me if I was a worm? Or this dude?" He asked, nearly giggling behind is mask before he dropped it, only then realize how close he was to Cillian's face, "I'd still love you if you were a termite, but I draw the line at worms. Slithering bastards, you know?"

Cillian

cillian couldn’t help but snort at jude’s comment about making a baby momma, his own mind straying to the 0.2 seconds he thought ellie’s baby was somehow his even though they hadn’t seen each other in over a year. he certainly wasn’t ready for that either. “wouldn’t be surprised if there was already a jude jr running around somewhere out there,” he joked, nudging his friends shoulder playfully. god, he was so glad he’d run into jude. things were just so much easier when he was around, honestly. cillian didn’t remember the last time he felt so at ease, though the alcohol was certainly helping with that. cillian didn’t really do the whole i love you thing. there were very few people in his life that had ever told him that and even fewer who’d actually meant it so it was a kind of tricky emotion for him, even in playful situations like this when it didn’t really have to mean anything. but for some reason, probably alcohol fueled reasons, cillian was giving this some serious thought. “a worm?” he asked, and now he was leaning in a little closer because it was actually kind of dark in here and cillian’s vision was already kind of shit, and he wasn’t sure who jude was even supposed to be and suddenly, the mask was gone and his nose really wasn’t all that far from jude’s. and cillian, the guy who couldn’t even tell jude his ass looked nice in a joking matter was sporting a shit eating grin just thinking about the next words to tumble out of his mouth. “of course you’d still love me of i were a termite. i’d be all over your wood.” it wasn’t a good joke but it was definitely an attempt at a joke about sucking jude’s dick and honestly??? as shit a joke as it was it was at least progress. and because he was in a rather playful mood, he leaned forward and lightly booped jude’s nose with his own, hovering close afterwards instead of pulling away.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Jude shook his head, "you wish, buddy." he shrugged though, maybe he did have a kid out there somewhere, maybe that would be cool, to have a little person just like him around, but he was pretty sure he wasn't ready for that. he always thought he'd do the whole, have a wife before kids happen thing and so far, he hadn't met any girls lining up to play the part. "mm, a worm." he repeated back, his face still close, grinning when Cillian spoke and letting out a soft laugh. If he was sober he might have more to say, he might throw a friendly punch, or shove Cillian away, but up close and drunk, he never really had been this close to Cillian before. Not like this, and he wasn't hating the way he felt to almost feel the other against himself. "If you were on my wood I'd make sure you had a great time." He finally spoke, leaning up, sure that Cillian was going to kiss him before their noses touched and Jude let out a breath of surprise, "You're an asshole." He murmured, but he didn't pull away, instead lifting a hand to rest on Cillian's thigh, "So...if I was a chick, you'd totally be into me, right?"

Cillian

this was usually the point where cillian would pull away, laugh this off, push jude away and make some snide comment like he always did. but something about jude’s hand on cillian’s thigh was both scary and exciting and cillian didn’t want to pull away. there was something there between them and it definitely wasn’t just drunken horniness. if cillian was being honest with himself, a small part of him always kind of wondered about them in a different way. a more than friends kind of way. and he told himself that it didn’t mean anything because he’d thought those things about girls before but he didn’t actually want to date any of them. he was just curious. and was being curious really such a bad thing? usually when cillian started thinking like this he could hear his dad’s voice echoing in his head, telling him he was a fucking fairy and that he needed to be a man and that was usually enough to shut him down and quiet those thoughts for awhile. but here in bed next to his best friend, being this close to him, their lips inches apart, cillian couldn’t help but feel like there was something right about this. and for once he didn’t feel the need to bury those feelings way down deep below the surface. at jude’s words, cillian wrinkled his nose. “i can’t even picture you like a chick, man.” and cillian didn’t want to. he liked jude just the way he was, wanted him like that. there was a bit of fear turning his stomach, warning him to step away from the ledge before he got to close. but there was another stronger part of him that was urging him forward. without really thinking about it, cillian poked jude gently in the abs. “i’d miss those,” he sighed, drunk enough now that the idea of missing jude’s abs was making him actually sad. “n’ those...” he continued, his fingers continuing upwards and ghosting lightly over jude’s pecs. “and...” his fingers stopped when they reached the neckline of his shirt, his fingers hooking into the material as he hesitated for a moment, hovering just over jude’s lips. he was conscious of his own actions enough to know that this was a big deal and that doing this was crossing into something that he couldn’t undo. but he was also drunk enough not to care. fearful he’d lose his nerve, cillian pulled jude in by his shirt collar, their lips crashing together into a kiss that was far from hesitant.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Jude pouted, "I could try, I'm really pretty, you know." He spoke softly, watching Cillian's face as his hand moved, he was surprised, usually about now was when he'd expect some sort of homophobic comment, maybe a shove at the very least, but instead Cillian was touching him, his abs, his chest, up to his collar and Jude's eyes widened, "So you have...been looking?" he questioned with genuine curiosity, usually it was just a joke, between friends, the was Cillian protested always made Jude laugh and he'd never really truly considered the idea that Cillian might be so loud about it because he secretly did have feelings towards him. He almost stopped Cillian, opening up his mouth to speak, to make a joke, a comment, anything to get the lump in his throat to go away but before he could think of anything clever, Cillian was pulling him close and oh, they were kissing. Cillian was kissing him, and all Jude could do was decide how to react. And that choice was easy, he slide one hand further up Cillian's thigh, leaning in, kissing him back, in a sloppy manner, that was just how Jude did things, is free hand moving to Cillian's waist and pulling him in. It felt good, in a way Jude wasn't sure he'd felt with anyone before, but then, he didn't usually go around making out with his best friend, so it made sense that this was new, exciting and unique for him, and he already felt a sense of dread for the moment it would end.

Cillian

cillian hadn’t really known what to expect when he kissed jude. cillian didn’t usually think too much about the consequences, like ever, so he hadn’t even taken a moment to consider what would have happened if jude hadn’t kissed him back. but he did and a cillian felt a weight slide from his shoulders as he relaxed into the kiss, surprised at how happy he was that his best friend was kissing him. cillian liked to think that he’d been around the block enough times that he really had this kissing thing down, but kissing another dude was so wildly different than anything he’d ever experienced before. thank god for alcohol because there was a messy tangle of conflicting emotions swirling around in his gut and he didn’t know that he could fight them off for very much longer without the help of booze. cillian hummed against jude’s lips, leaning into it when pulled closer. he tasted like alcohol and he smelled of weed and him and the familiarity was both comforting and somehow arousing in a way that cillian wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced. everything about this was so new and honestly really scary and while cillian usually had no trouble pushing away those uneasy feelings in the name of a good time, he was starting to panic a little about how good this felt. the uneasiness was only that much more unavoidable when cillian felt himself becoming hard in response to jude’s lips on his, and the way his hand was moving up cillian’s thigh. cillian broke the kiss, taking in a shuddery breath, though he didn’t pull away, still hovering near. he was disoriented and confused, knowing what he wanted but too afraid to just let himself have it. “holy shit,” cillian breathed, because his brain wasn’t working properly enough to put together a more coherent response.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

Jude had never really been the type to fully think out his actions before he went through with them, but under normal circumstances he would have thought a lot more about this action before he allowed himself to indulge. Of course, he'd always felt a certain level of attraction towards Cillian, he was cute, he was a lot of fun, and they were buds, they'd seen each other through a lot, and Jude was pretty sure they'd make a dope bro-couple. But Cillian had always been a little...unaccepting of things, he wasn't exactly what Jude would call open-minded, that was the main reason Jude always teased him about liking boys, and wanting to touch Jude's butt. Only...apparently he'd be right, and for a moment he felt a sense of guilt about not being more understanding towards someone who'd been struggling, much to his own oblivion. Still, all he really could focus on in the moment was the way Cillian's lips and body felt against his own, and even as Cillian pulled away, he found himself leaning in closer, chasing after that feeling still as Cillian spoke. "Yeah...whoa." He chuckled breathlessly, finally relenting, pulling back, staring at Cillian for a moment before he broke the silence again, "Okay...hit me." He shrugged, "Do your worse, buddy, it's cool. I mean that was totally hot, but...this is the part where you call me a slur and punch me, right?"

Cillian

under normal circumstances cillian might have done just that. though honestly, under normal circumstances, cillian doubted they ever would have kissed in the first place. everything about this was a weird tangled mess of newness and cillian didn’t know what to do. he was quiet, his eyes lifting to meet jude’s before looking away again. jude had been right, this is the part where cillian’s supposed to shove him away and act like this didn’t happen and deny deny deny because that’s what he’d always been good at. but cillian hadn’t expected to enjoy this so much and it honestly had him kind of shaken up. “i’m not— i mean this doesn’t make me—“ he couldn’t say it. he just kept hearing his dad in his head berating him and making him feel small. “i mean it’s you,” he breathed, not really knowing what he meant by that but feeling that it somehow made sense. like it couldn’t have been anyone else. this was somehow different than... shit, this was all so confusing.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

It was surprising, when Cillian said nothing, even more when he did speak, and Jude let out a long breath before looking to Cillian, studying his face for a moment before he fell backwards against the bed, pulling Cillian with him so they laid on their sides, face to face, "It's me. Which means this can mean something or not. Totally up to you, dude." He offered a weak smile, "If you want to act like it never happened, that's cool. And if you want to start coming over and finally seeing what all the fuss about my butt is, be my guest." He shrugged his shoulders, "You know I have some edibles in my backpack if you want?"

Cillian

cillian allowed himself to be pulled down on the bed beside jude, conscious of the way his heart rate went up as a result. if he hadn’t been so drunk he would have been really grateful that jude was being so cool about this when cillian was so obviously out of sorts. kissing your best friend was always risky even when there wasn’t that whole questioning your sexuality layer and cillian hadn’t even given thought to how this may have affected their friendship. did cillian want this to mean something? regardless, it already did, and try as he might to shake it, cillian knew he wouldn’t forget it. but jude was giving him that option. and it was a really tempting option. it was so much easier to just go on pretending. but cillian remembered that moment of bliss when jude had kissed him and the weight had slid from his shoulders and cillian wasn’t sure he’d trade that for the current mess of weird confusion and unease he was feeling right now. that’d he’d felt for most of his young adult life, really. “well, what do you want?” cillian asked quietly in an attempt to remove a bit of the pressure on him, though admittedly, once the words were out of his mouth he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

"Me?" Jude asked, as if Cillian could have asked someone else in the moment, Jude wasn't used to being the one with the choice, in relationships or anything else, but he took a moment to think about it anyways. What did he want? Being in a relationship sounded nice, it had been a long time since he'd tried to do that, but then, Cillian probably wasn't open to that. And Jude hadn't really ever considered it before, because he never expected this to happen, still, it wasn't the worst idea he'd ever had. "I dunno man. I want like, whatever you're cool with. Because I mean, this is kind of huge for you. And I'm proud of you and all that shit. But like, I wouldn't mind making out with you some more, if that's one of my options?" He grinned, "That part was pretty dope, if you ask me."

Cillian

this was kind of huge for him. and honestly? the fact that cillian hadn’t left already in an angry sort of confused storm of... something? progress. he couldn’t remember the last time someone had told him they were proud of him and it felt kind of really good to hear someone say that. and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy that jude wanted to do it all over again because yeah, it was pretty dope. and cillian couldn’t remember the last time he’d enjoyed a kiss as much as he had that one. but this was also really overwhelming and before cillian knew what he was doing he was sitting up and putting distance between them. “i think i need a minute. or like... a lot of minutes,” he said finally. because cillian really wasn’t sure what he was “cool with” right now, and being this close to jude wasn’t helping. “but um... thanks man,” he said, his smile small but genuine. because really he was lucky that jude was such a good friend. because this could have gone a whole hell of a lot worse.

𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫.

He half thought Cillian was about to lean in and kiss him again, but when his best friend pulled away he wasn't really all that surprised, he'd been expecting it this whole time, he wasn't trying to kid himself, Cillian wasn't the man of his dreams, he couldn't even accept the fact that he was into dudes, let alone actually be with one. Still...it stung a little, the way he pulled away, asked for time, and Jude tried to be understanding as much as it sucked. "Yeah man." He shrugged it off, as if he didn't care all that much, but much to his own surprise it did hurt. A lot. "It's whatever, you know? We're both faded as hell." He got up, standing and collecting his wallet, shoving it into his pocket and pulling his backpack on, "See you around, bro. Bring M&Ms next time."

Cillian

cillian hadn’t expected to feel so shitty when jude shrugged it off like that. seconds ago he was contemplating pretending this had never happened, knowing he’d never forget it and now that jude was halfway out the door, cillian was miffed that jude was acting like they were just both really faded? cillian knew that jude was probably doing this for his benefit but at the same time it kind of stung. because yeah, this had been a big deal. there was a panic rising in his chest at the idea of really having fucked this up because cillian really didn’t have that many friends and jude had stuck by him through pretty much everything. shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck, why did feelings have to be so confusing. this is precisely why cillian had never given thought to being in an actual relationship with anyone. it was too much. and despite all that, all cillian could think to do was kind of nod in jude’s direction as he left, sitting alone on the bed wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do now.

#and look how far they've come #i just needed this immortalized on my blog #discord #threads → cillian & jude

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