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rosemary-morgan · 5 years ago

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Arthur Morgan X F.Reader: The shadows of my past - Part 1

Hello, dear ones ;) This time, I’ll bring you a new story. I hope you will like it. Please don´t be surprised if you find some grammatical mistakes. English is not my native language.

Part 2 / Part 3

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The shadows of my past - Part 1

It was early in the morning when Arthur woke up. The young man stretched out his tired limbs and yawned softly. The sun fell into the camp and it was nice to see the light shimmering between the trees and bushes. He greeted Dutch as he passed his tent. "Morning, Dutch! Everything good?" "Morning, son! Of course!" As usual, Dutch let his eyes wander over the whole camp. He watched closely how the family behaved at the camp, who behaved in what way. Arthur had known Dutch for twenty years now, but lately, his boss seemed to become paranoid. Well, a lot has happened in the group lately and Arthur knew who was responsible for all the stress and all the troubles. And not only Arthur was of that opinion. Others also shared his opinion on Micah Bell. It had been a mistake to include Micah in this gang. Dutch was in a position where it was important to know which people you could trust and whom you couldn´t trust, so Dutch has been very tense lately. He seems confused.

Arthur saddled his horse. He had decided to take a trip to Strawberry. The area of Strawberry could offer a beautiful and peaceful nature and that was exactly what Arthur needed. Rest and relaxation. "Hey, girl! You alright, girl?" Arthur stroked his brown Arabian horse. She was very wild and it had taken a while to earn her trust, but now the two were a heart and a soul. And only Arthur was allowed to ride her. Micah had recently dared to sit on top of her and she immediately threw him in the dirt. That was exactly what Micah deserves. This guy respected neither human nor animal. "You´re hungry?" Arthur took a biscuit out of his saddlebag and fed his horse, caressing her through the mane. "How about a little walk?" Arthur left the camp with his horse and made his way to Strawberry. The weather was wonderful. The temperatures were very pleasant in the early morning and it was nice to feel the fresh air in his lungs. He just wanted to get out of the camp and enjoy the solitude of nature. The road to Strawberry was a long way, but that didn´t bother Arthur. He enjoyed the nature that surrounded him. The sound of singing birds and the sight of the deer, which quenched their thirst at the river. Arthur had to smile when he saw them. They were beautiful animals. But his trip took a very different and perhaps interesting turn. As he calmly led his horse towards Strawberry, he saw a young woman desperate to look for someone. Arthur became curious and decided to offer his help to the young woman.

"Joseph! Joseph! Where are you, my boy?!" You called desperately for your son. Where was this kid? You had told him to wait until you finished your housework. Why did Joseph just run out of the house without you? "Oh, that kid..." Desperately, you are stroking your hair and your eyes are longing for your son. Where was Joseph? Up here, a kid of his age shouldn´t just start running alone. This forest was huge and you could easily get lost. "Joseph!" You were afraid for him. Joseph was everything you had. "Miss?" You turn around in surprise when you hear a male voice behind you. Your luck, because maybe this man had seen your son. "Is everything okay, Miss? You need some help?", asked the young man sitting on a brown horse. Your eyes admired the magnificent animal, but also its rider was a blessing to your eyes. "Sir, did you see a little boy around here? He has brown, curly hair and he wears a blue shirt and brown pants." "No." Arthur got down from his horse and approached you. "Oh, God... Can you help me, please? My son just ran out of the house and I'm desperately looking for him. God! What if something happened to him?" With a heavy sigh, you stroke your hair again and your eyes are constantly scanning the surroundings. "Calm down, we'll find your son." You were very grateful that this man would help you to find your son. He was a stranger, but you had the feeling that you could trust him. And what other choice did you have? You wanted to find your son and this man might be able to help you with it. "Do you have any idea where he might have gone? Maybe in a place where he likes to be?" "Yes, a small creek, but I've been there several times. He wasn´t there!"

Arthur sighed softly and scratched the back of his head. He knew you were worried about your son. That was reasonable. "We'll find him! How long have you been looking for him?" "About half an hour but I'm not sure," you said, looking up at the man with concern. "Oh, God ... Joseph, Joseph, where are you, my boy?!" Abruptly you rush off and continue the search. Whether the stranger would help you or not, but you didn´t want to waste time talking. Your son Joseph was five years old and it was not difficult to get lost in this forest. Apart from the many dangers that could lurk here. Bear traps, wild animals... You got dizzy when you thought about it. You were sick with worry about your son and you were a very overprotective mother. Well, that had its reasons too.

Arthur hurried after you and searched with you for the missing boy. Arthur tried to find the boy by searching for traces. And actually, he found small footprints on the muddy ground. "I think I found a trace!", said Arthur and you were full of hope again. "Really?" You followed Arthur and not far away you hear something and you both followed the sound. It sounded like someone was crying and you start running when you realize that it was the voice of your son. "Joseph!" Arthur hurried after you. He didn´t want you to get lost in this forest too. "Wait!" But you didn´t stop and you came closer and closer to Joseph. When you saw him, you sigh in relief. "Thank God! Joseph!" He was sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree and he was crying. Your eyes were looking for visible injuries, but fortunately, there were no signs on his body. So Joseph doesn´t seem to be hurt. But he was afraid... "Joseph, my God, I´ve finally found you!" "Mummy!" Joseph jumped up from his place and ran into your arms, in the arms of his mother. "Joseph, why didn´t you waited for me?!" You had to nag him. You carefully grab Joesph by the arms and look sternly at him. "I told you not to walk around here by yourself!" "But mummy, I just wanted to play!", said Joseph and burst into tears. You sigh heavily and shook your head. Then you stroke Joseph through his curly, brown hair and pull him back into your arms, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Arthur kept his distance from you two and he smiled. He was glad that the boy was fine and Arthur was about to say goodbye to you, but you had other plans and hoped that the friendly stranger would accept your invitation. "Well, I'll go then." Arthur gave you a friendly nod as you turned to him with Joseph in your arms. "Please, wait a moment! I don´t even know your name." "Arthur Morgan." "Y/N Main.", You said and smiled friendly. It was your luck that you had met Arthur. "Mr. Morgan, I would like to invite you to dinner." Arthur scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. He was very flattered that such a pretty and young lady like you invites him to dinner. "And your husband wouldn´t mind?" Arthur assumed that you were married and so, he didn´t want to have dinner with you. That could lead to misunderstandings. Who knows how jealous your husband would become when his wife invited a stranger to dinner? He didn´t want to cause anyone any problems. "No, Mr. Morgan." You looked down sadly. "I'm a widow. It´s Miss Main." Well, these were your words. But there was far more behind your words. Another truth... "Oh, I-I'm sorry, Miss Main! I didn´t know... I, uh..." Arthur blushed a lot because that conversation was very unpleasant to him and you noticed that. Arthur hadn´t guessed that you were a widow and he didn´t mean to sting in any old or fresh wounds. But you don´t mind. You were not angry with him and you didn´t feel offended. "There is no need to apologize, Mr. Morgan.", you said, smiling gently to the man and you are still waiting for an answer. "My offer is still standing." "Well, ehm... Miss Main, I gladly accept your invite."

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You lived in a cozy little hut not far from Strawberry. You had a small herb and flower garden and you like to take care of your plants. It was a relaxing work and Joseph always helped you. Arthur felt very comfortable in your little house. It was cozy and very rustic. "I bought fresh meat from the butcher in Strawberry this morning, and I hope I cooked the meat well!" You said, bringing the hot pot to the covered table. With the smell of your stew, Arthur's stomach growled. It smelled so good. This was a nice alternative because Pearson's stew was... well, let's just say it like this: Arthur eats his stew just to avoid starving. Pearson's cooking skills were the purest disaster! "Joseph, stay calm! Or do you want Mr. Morgan to think you have no manners?" Joseph chuckled and put the napkin in the cutout of his shirt. "No, mummy!" The little boy sat next to Arthur at the table and he looked up at him with a smile. Arthur returned the child's smile and then looked up at you again. He watched as you filled his plate with the delicious stew. "Smells delicious, Miss!" You gave the charming guy a friendly smile before you filled Josephs's plate with the hot meal.

During dinner, Joseph asked many questions and Arthur didn´t want or couldn´t answer many of them. He couldn´t tell a child of his age all the adventures Arthur had experienced. Many secrets should be hidden. What could he already tell the boy? About heroic stories? But he hardly had any of them. Arthur had done many dishonorable things in his life and he was deeply ashamed. But Arthur told Jospeh some stories. Stories about nature and his harmless adventures.

You watch the two talking with each other and you were very pleased to see how happy Joseph was about your visitor. "Wow, Arthur, you're so cool, you're a real cowboy! Wow!" Arthur laughed softly and was delighted that the boy was so excited about his adventurous stories. But of course, Arthur hadn´t mentioned many passages in his past. That was just not a topic of conversation at a dining table and certainly not suitable for the ears of a child. Especially since he didn´t want to scare you. You shouldn´t have a bad impression of him. "When I grow up, I want to become a cowboy like you! Live an adventurous life, ride through the dusty desert with my friends, and shoot!" Arthur laughed when he heard that. Unfortunately, the life of a cowboy wasn´t as simple as Joseph imagines. To live as an outlaw was damn dangerous and it was a hard life. Constantly on the run from the law. He had lost many friends in recent years and he had seen many of them die. He had held their bleeding bodies in his arms and stood by them until their last breaths. Arthur wasn´t a religious man, but sometimes a prayer came to his lips to honor his friends and asking Jesus not to let them suffer because of their pain and fear.

"Oh no, kid! You should do something decent when you grow up, like a lawyer or a teacher." "Ohhh... that's boring! I don´t want to sit at a desk all the time! I don´t want to be locked in. I want to be out in nature!" You and Arthur are laughing when Joseph said that. "Joseph, now let Mr. Morgan enjoy his dinner!" You said and took the water carafe to fill the glasses with. Arthur didn´t mind that Joseph asked him so many questions. But Joseph's way of laughing and the way he talked reminded him of his Isaac. His deceased son Isaac and Arthur had to admit that it was pretty hard to suppress the memories of his son. He knew that Joseph wasn´t Isaac and that what happened was a long time ago. But how could he forget his son? Or the mother of Isaac? Eliza... she had been so young when she was murdered.

These painful memories hit him and he had to swallow hard. He sank deep into old thoughts. The thoughts of his little son... how he had always been happy to see his father and how much he had loved him. Arthur closed his eyes for a moment and he kept wondering if he had ever been a good father. He saw Isaac's laughing face in front of him... and he also saw how sad he had been every time Arthur had to leave him again. No, he hadn´t been a good father. He had abandoned Isaac. He had regularly visited Eliza and Isaac, but... he couldn´t have been a real father to Isaac. This fact hurts a lot. He had failed as a father. Miserably failed and he hadn´t been there to save him and Eliza from dying. Tears burned into his eyes and he swallowed hard. He didn´t even hear you and Joseph talking to him. "Mr. Morgan?" Arthur was startled when he heard your voice and looked at you a bit confused. What did you say to him? "I just wanted to ask if you want some more of the stew?" You had seen that Arthur had been lost in his thoughts and you didn´t intend to disturb him. "No, Miss. Thank you." Arthur said softly and picked up the napkin, wiping his mouth with it. "I think I should go home now." Arthur gave you a friendly smile, but also a little sad.

Many of his memories were evoked in this house. Painful visions that he couldn´t endure right now. "Don´t you want to stay for dessert?" You enjoyed the company of Arthur and you didn´t want to be intrusive and hold Arthur here. "Another time, Miss Main." Arthur got up from his chair and smiled at you. "Please, call me Y/N." "Okay, Y/N: Well, thank you for your invite. The stew was delicious!" You were very happy with his words. "Nothing to thank for." You and Joseph accompanied Arthur to the door and before leaving the house he smiled at Joseph and Arthur tip his hat to you, To show you his respect and to say goodbye. "Miss." "Goodbye, Arthur. It was very nice to meet you and I would be very pleased to see you again soon", you said, smiling at the blonde man. You hope to meet him again soon. "Thanks, Y/N! It was a pleasure. I will definitely come back, Miss." So much kindness was not often to be expected these days and it pleased Arthur that you and your son received him so warmly.

"Bye, Arthur!! Come back soon!!" Joseph shouted as Arthur sat on his beautiful horse. Arthur gave you a friendly smile before heading home. "Come on, Joseph." You take Joseph by the hand and lead him back into the house. Soon it would be dark and for Joseph this was bedtime.

Like every night before going to sleep, you tell Joesph about fairy tales and cuddle with him until he falls asleep in your arms. But Joseph was so excited after Arthur's visit that he just didn´t want to sleep. "Arthur is so cool, mummy! I hope he comes back soon! " "Maybe. I don´t know, Joseph", you said, gently stroking his brown hair. Of course, you also hoped Arthur would visit you soon. He was a friendly person, but you saw something in him. He seemed to carry deep wounds. Emotional wounds. You had seen that in his eyes...

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The encounter with you and Joseph, Arthur just didn´t want to go out of his head. Of course, it had been a nice evening, because you and Joseph had been very friendly to him and he appreciated that very much. But many and painful memories were also evoked in Arthur and this hurt terribly. With a heavy sigh, Arthur closed his eyes for a moment, thinking of his son Isaac. He remembered how happy his son had been each time his father visited him. That was more important to Isaac than all the gifts Arthur had given him. "Oh, my son..."

His laugh, his angelic face... God, Arthur could still hear his laugh and it almost killed him. Tears were running down his cheeks and Arthur had to gasp hard to stop more tears. But he didn´t succeed.

>> Isaac... I wish I had been a better father to you! <<

Maybe he would still be alive today! Yes, maybe Arthur could have prevented this terrible crime to his son and Eliza.

Since that fateful day, a deep and festering wound rested deep in Arthur's soul that just didn´t want to heal, and he was convinced that it would never heal. Maybe it all happened because he was a bad person and committed many sins. As vengeance. He had taken many lives and fate had taken the lives of the people in his life. That´s the way things went and Arthur was convinced of that. A man like him doesn´t deserve any luck...

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"Careful, Joseph!" You were standing in the general store and paying for your purchase when Joseph curiously took everything into his hands. You look at the salesman in front of the apologetic, but the older man smiled friendly towards you. He didn´t seem to mind that Joseph was so curious. "Thanks, Sir." "Thank you, Miss. Goodbye!" You took the paper bag with the food and went to Joseph. "Come on, darling, we're going home now, and after lunch, let's go fishing, what do you think?" "Oh, yes, that sounds good mummy!" You smiled happily when Joseph grabs your hand and leaves the store with you. "It would be so nice if daddy could be here...", Joseph said suddenly and you stopped, looking down at him. He looked so sad and you were sorry. "Joseph..." You kneel to your son and you gently caress through his hair. He didn´t look at you and sobbed softly. "Hey..." Gently, you reach for his chin and raise his face so he looked at you. You smile at him and you kiss him on his forehead. "I know you miss Daddy, but... we have to accept what happened." It didn´t feel good to lie to your son, but you had your reasons and your son was never allowed to know about them. No way. His father wasn´t alive for Joseph, but you knew it better. You knew the truth about the father of your son... You try to reassure your son and pull him into your arms, stroking his back and you let Joseph cry. You were so sorry he had to grow up without a father, but in that case, it would be better if you kept Joseph away from his father. His father was a dangerous man...

to be continued...

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #fanfiction #love #rdr2

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