#so I have like?? weird imposter syndrome around all of my special interests and hyperfixations :///

[overwhelmed-frog]

normally I dread small talk with people I haven’t seen in a long time because as a severely burnt-out autistic with physical disabilities that have worsened to the point that I couldn’t go to college and can’t work a normal job, and have forced me into isolation because I am immunocompromised, the “how are you? where did you go to school? what do you do? what have you been up to the last few years” conversation is exhausting. so this week when I ran into someone I haven’t seen since middle school, and we got to talking and he told me he went to school for environmental science and then started talking about how he hates lawns and how he wants a house with a moss or native prairie grass lawn and asked me about my favorite plants (I grow houseplants) he activated my autistic special interest and I was like “wow this is so much easier than normal conversations!”. but now instead of the normal social anxiety rumination spiral of being embarrassed about how awkward I was and about being a failure blah blah blah etc etc, I’m having a social anxiety rumination spiral of “oh god why did I start infodumping at him he literally went to school for this and is looking for a job in the field he definitely knows more about this than you do. embarrassing.” goddddddd I cannot win here. girl it’s not that serious!