#so I get more angy the more they get trolled both on their behalf and also bc Lowkey a lot of the time
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Also getting progressively more tired the longer this post goes on
Me: haha wow my impulse control has been really extra bad lately probably just adhd haha
Me *rememebers I’m slow bipolar*: oh. Oh no.
#thoughts#oni talks#oni vents#lowkey using this yo keep venting in tags from last post#also I notice them do a lot of nice stuff Thts probably supposed to be on the down low#or they don’t think I’ll see or understand or like idk how to explain#it’s just clear stuff that shows they care abt me of their own accord and like#it’s just small nice stuff Thts like their own thing ig? it’s hard to explain#but I notice it a lot bc I do it or I do versions of it and it’s sweet to me to get tht back#and it’s also surreal sometimes to see my feelings reflected back at me lmao#like my fears or desires and theirs are the same and it’s wild to see it sometiems since were really different lmao#Idk started thinking abt this bc am tired and want stuff and also bc of earlier in this post#of just wanting like more of stuff and Idk it’s nice man I just wish more ppl could see how good they r#and also just thinkin abt it bc of earlier with the help thing and liek idk#I feel like ppl trolling them helps me untroll myself bc they never deserve it and it’s unfair#specifically it’s usually something I’m being trolled for or it’s same hat so it helps sm be like wait this is fucked#it’s fucked for them and so therefore it’s fucked for me too#so I get more angy the more they get trolled both on their behalf and also bc Lowkey a lot of the time#when ppl are being bitchy or troll to/abt them it’s also simultaneously directed at me so it’s kind of me just going double fuck u#idk ppl troll me lately with the smothering of doubt and nonsupport and all the other stuff#so sometiems it’s nice to get the opposite from myself but it’s different and nice to get different to that bad stuff from someone else#also idk if makes sense but they don’t help or fix me but they help me help myself?? & make me want to be better for ME#whereas before I feel like usually it’d be 100% abt the other person but they sort of make me want more for myself? like? idk it’s different#it’s weird to want stuff fr myself and feel like I deserve better and feel better abt myself and wanna be better like FOR ME#and the kind of pressure they give me is healthy and good they believe in me I think more than others sometiems#but it’s different? like idk I feel like the push me pretty hard but in a good way that helps me better myself#and like idk how explain things rn I’m so tired tbh#I think I’m gonna stop venting bc we got off topic from the original hypo and meds thing but mostly I need consume and relax#I’m staying up so I’ll prob be back but I am consume and relax now#although 1 last thing is the coincidences lately have even weird anyway bye now I’m brain die
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