#so I don't want to hear any 'well sorry I can't control my appearance!!!' bullshit

[chaos-in-one]

Why are there still alter race believers in 2024

[nathaniel-donovan]

"Yeah?" he chuckled softly. "Make all my dreams come true, huh?" he comments casually. He wasn't looking to dive into any form of what if, finding no real reason to. Though out of all the things? If he could change one thing? The only thing he'd have loved to have changed was knowing his daughter was his daughter when she was a baby. His smile widens a little - his jokes wouldn't make the cut? Bullshit. "You laughing says otherwise." his suppressed his laughter now, settling himself down, taking another sip from his coffee he's back to listening until Chloe realises herself that she was thinking too much. "Mm save your fantasies for your own time." he jokingly waved her off, lightly teasing her because that's what it all was, wasn't it? A fantasy.

It was like their entire conversation was getting a bit too personal for Nate, he wasn't uncomfortable he was just vulnerable and he felt it. Hearing that he was wrong had him turning to face Chloe, taking in what she was saying to him because he respected her enough to do so. "Yeah I know I..." he speaks quietly as she's talking, knowing that he did have people by his side and he wasn't ever here thinking he didn't have that. With Alara it was different, he saw it that way anyway. Maybe there was apart of him that was afraid because he had something that was good, so good, and here he was, assuming and thinking he was always steering around a corner that would fuck it all up completely. There was a reason why he hadn't ever been in an relationship and that reason was him. Sure, all his worries were in his mind, yet when he was so far and lost inside? It was hard for him to pull himself out. "Think she deserves better than fine, you know?" he admits quietly, because it didn't matter what Chloe was telling him, he struggled to believe it.

"I know but I don't--" he broke himself off, talking at the same time as her again, it's casual, it's not him over-talking, it's his mind wanting to release that he didn't like himself, and yet he can't even force those words out. He was only human, he got it, he'd tell somebody else the same, he knew he was a hypocrite, he's given advice to people he wouldn't follow himself and yet? He still ended up here, didn't he. "No?" he chuckled, faintly, barely, he wasn't a bad person? He'd beg to differ. "Out of everything... Mom... fuck," he sighed, "Sitting here and talking to you about how fucking miserable I am and not the woman I'm with." he scoffed at himself, hearing himself back made him realise how bad that sounded, even though he knew it wasn't the case. If he was sat here talking to Cole, the thought wouldn't have even passed through his mind, it's just another way and reason for him to drag himself down. His mind was a constant battle field and at this point, it was surprising to him that he had lasted this long without giving in to whatever vices he could easily access. Though that self-control he appeared to have was all fake, more so with the way he woke up everyday with a go in him because he knew he could knock himself the fuck out when it ended.

He smiled lightly at Chloe calling him a lunatic, chuckling slightly, "You love it." He's trying to pick himself back up with the causal jokes, knowing that this mornings intention wasn't for him to fucking pull a dark cloud above their heads. Yet, he had already done that, hadn't he. His brow arched briefly, being able to see as well as read on Chloe's expressions that her brother's girlfriend was clearly a handful, he couldn't say he envied her. Though there it was again, that feeling of feeling sorry for her, knowing that she was struggling with the disappearance of her brother and still having to show face, as well as be that rock for others. He got it, he did, because it was all too real for him. "No..." he chuckles before, "No." he says more firmly this time, knowing that he didn't want to deal with anyone else. His expressions do ease up, a brighter smile lifting. "See right through me, huh." he laughed lightly, lying really, knowing he didn't ever give to receive.

His words made Chloe smile, the kind of smile that appears when one is looking at the past, thinking of the memories that had happened before. "You would?" She decided to play along. "Then if I was a writer, I'd give him the story of you. You know, another path that could have been?" What she said was not meant to be a dig at him or to get him wondering of what he could have been. After all, the story would never be written in any case. But it was just a nice thought to have, since it was something that could have happened if life didn't. "Though those jokes? They wouldn't work." Yet, she was laughing. "Unfortunately, it won't ever come to that. I was never a good writer. I just watch too much shit." But it would have been a movie she'd have gone to see, for sure. "I'd still vote for the date guy... Or maybe the doctor? Depends if they were the tall, dark and handsome type that I like." Her eyes wondered to the ceiling, as she, for a moment, got lost deep in thought, trying to visualise who'd be played by who. "Oh God, stop me before I actually do something I'll regret."

It was easy to see the thoughts that were going through his mind. Maybe not the thoughts themselves, but whatever they were - he was lost in them. Chloe put her head on the back of the couch, her eyes staying on him while she herself stayed silent. Maybe he just needed someone to be there while his mind roamed, while he thought all those thoughts all at once. From herself, she knew how lonely, how dark those thoughts could get once you were alone. It was as if all the barriers fell through and all that was left - was the very worst of it all, eating you up from the inside-out. So she just sat there, silently, her knees pulled up to her chest, resting, while watching his expressions change.

It must have been a lot that he was going through, as his expression was heavy at times. Sometimes, Nate looked as if he was carrying the world on his shoulders and then a mountain on his chest. Most of the time, he didn't show it to anyone at all. It was easy to miss with the jokes and his good natured personality.

When he laughed, Chloe smiled again, a gentle kind of smile. At least her words made him smile. At least, they pulled him out of that dark place, even for a brief moment. "I think it's where you're wrong, you know." She said, staying exactly as she was. "Don't you think you're putting this on yourself? Making the decisions for others? Drawing conclusions just because you think that's how people will see it?" It wasn't an accusing tone, Chloe was simply talking to him. "I mean... You've let in a few people in your life, and you've let them in fully. The good, the bad and the ugly. Did any of them run for the hills? I bet you anything, they're still right there by your side." There may have been things that she didn't know, but Chloe definitely knew enough. She'd known him long enough to know who was around Nate and who were the people he trusted. "Why do you think you need to put up this image for her? You're just you. And you're fine." She shrugged, meaning every word. "At the end of the day, the feelings will feel more real if you just trust them. Trust what you feel for her and what she feels for you."

She placed her hand on his back, patting it gently. "Aren't we all a little broken? You can't claim the broken card all for yourself. Being broken doesn't make you any less. Being broken doesn't make you worthless. Just because you're not book perfect doesn't mean you've built wrong. It just means you're human." Chloe meant every word, from her heart. "You're just the way you're meant to be. The good, the bad and the ugly. You're amazing. With what you've been through and what you've handled and how you've handled everything. Even when you fuck up? There's a reason for it. But it doesn't make you a bad person, Nate."

He did have a lot of bad shit happen to him, but Chloe didn't want him to see himself that way. He didn't deserve that, especially for being who he was. For overcoming so many things. He wasn't just some person who fucked up a lot, this was Nate, the guy who cared more for others than he did himself. That didn't make him a bad person. Not one bit.

"You lunatic." But she loved the fact that he went as far as to mark her damn present. That alone brought a smile to her face as she shook her head. That was Nate alright. "Yeah, sure." As if he simple found it at the club. Not at that place, at least. But she let him have it, not wanting to dig into it and simply enjoy the fact that she had it. Her nose scrunched when he said Jasper's girlfriend wasn't that bad. "Well, you don't have to spend any time with her at all. Be glad for it. " They weren't together that long, but the girl took the role of a widow ever since he'd gone missing. Of course, Chloe didn't know much about their relationship, but Jasper was pretty much like Cole and Nate before they found the women they loved. And somehow, she didn't think that girl was it. "I'll send her your way next New Year, deal?" She shot him a knowing look and opened the box of chocolates he had given her. "While I see you trying, my presents will always be better. I bet that's why you even tried."

[the-bau-quinjet]

I've Always Loved the Rain

Summary: Request! Y/N can manipulate the weather, but sometimes her emotions get the best of her. What happens when Bucky brings his girlfriend to Tony's garden party?

Warnings: nothing except some angst!

Word Count: 2086

a/n: I really did have fun writing this! Thank you for sending it my way :)

Masterlist

"Are you ever going to tell him?" Wanda's thoughts appeared in your head causing your head to snap in her direction. "You've been staring at him for the past ten minutes."

"Actually, it's only been 8 minutes. And, no. I do not plan to ever tell him because that would be wildly embarrassing, and he would hate me forever." Your own thoughts were easily heard by the witch.

Before she could try to convince you, you got up and left the living room. You and Bucky have been friends since you joined the team. Everyone, barring Bucky, has told you how you must be special because Bucky has never trusted anyone as quickly as he started trusting you.

There may have even been a point where you thought he could've possibly returned your feelings, but that was before he started dating Perrie.

"Y/N, you can't keep running away from me." Wanda called out as she approached your room.

"I'm not running. I just have get ready for Tony's party." You rolled your eyes. You've never been one for parties, but you'd rather just go than have to deal with Tony complaining about you missing it.

"Oh, you mean the party Perrie is going to?" Wanda questioned from your doorway.

"Shut up! Someone could hear you." You quickly pulled her into the room, glancing down the hall before closing the door. "I don't care that she's coming. It's fine."

"I know you're pouting, even if you refuse to look at me." Wanda obviously saw right through your bullshit.

"Wan, he's my friend. I just want him to be happy, and if Perrie makes him happy then so be it." You resigned yourself to having to watch Bucky and Perrie together. "Just, promise me you won't say anything."

You nearly begged her, knowing she didn't agree with your method of bottling everything up.

"You're my friend. I want you to be happy too." She tried to avoid your request.

"Wanda, please." You nearly had tears in your eyes. You couldn't make it through this party if Bucky knew about your feelings. "I can't think about it. Tony will kill me if I ruin his perfect weather."

You joined the Avengers after Steve and Nat found you during one of their missions. You saw the two of them trying to sneak into a hydra base, but they had no way of approaching without being spotted.

In a moment of bravery, or stupidity really it could've gone either way, you ran up to them and offered to help. You managed to create enough of a storm that they could get inside without being noticed.

When they came back out, they offered for you to join them figuring someone who could manipulate the weather would be a good teammate to have.

"Oh, Y/N." She pulled you into a hug in an effort to comfort you. "I won't bring it up, I promise." She squeezed you tightly before letting go. "Now, let's pick out an outfit that'll have Barnes regretting not asking you out."

You shook your head at her playful laugh, but agreed with her nonetheless. If this is what it took for her to stay quiet, you'd do it.

-

The sun was still high in the sky when you made it out to join the party. Summer nights always seemed to last forever, the sun not fully setting until nearly 9.

A few clouds dusted the sky, but Tony really did have the perfect weather for his garden party.

You looked around, trying to locate a familiar face. Finally spotting Nat and Wanda, you made your way through the gardens to greet them.

"Y/N, you look incredible!" Nat cheered as you approached.

Wanda convinced you to wear a pale purple two piece set. The classy lace outer layer of your skirt fell to mid calf, the lining ending just above your knee. The top was cropped to end mid stomach. Perfectly matching the skirt, a form fitting lining was covered in a flowy lace layer.

"Thank you. You both look amazing, as usual." Nat wore a black midi dress with a slit. Wanda opted for a flowery yellow dress with buttons up the middle.

You fell into an easy conversation, discussing anything and everything you could think of to keep your mind busy.

"Ladies, looking good!" Sam complimented the three of you as he, Steve, and Vision approached. Vision immediately swept Wanda away to dance.

"You're not so bad yourself, Wilson." You laughed. "Steve, you're very dapper this evening."

"Thank you. Care to dance?" Steve held his hand out for you. Knowing Sam was seconds away from convincing Nat to dance with him, you nodded in agreement.

You couldn't help but smile as he lead you around the dance floor Tony had set up. The party had been going surprisingly well so far.

"You really do look amazing tonight." Steve broke the silence, smiling down at you.

"You're too sweet." You brushed it off, looking over his shoulder as you blushed.

"I mean it." He spun you around, eliciting a surprised chuckle from you.

Your smile fell when you spotted Bucky and Perrie by the bar. He wore khakis and a pink button up, something you were certain Perrie picked out to match her pink chiffon dress.

You were shocked to find his eyes on you. He looked sort of angry, but you hadn't the slightest idea why.

"I don't know what Bucky's doing with her." Steve followed your line of sight, commenting on the couple.

"He's happy." You turned away from Bucky, heart aching just from looking at the two of them together. You tried to mask the pain in your voice, but Steve saw through it.

"He's not. He might think he is, but Perrie... she's not right for him."

"What do you mean?" You shouldn't have asked, but you craved more information about Bucky.

"She just doesn't understand him. Not like you do." Steve's words hurt you more than they helped.

"Steve, he chose her." You could feel the tears brewing. You didn't notice as the sky got darker and darker. "I have to go."

You turned to walk away from Steve and the conversation only to walk directly into Perrie.

"I'm so sorry!' You quickly wiped your eyes, avoiding the concerned look Bucky was giving you. He lightly grabbed your elbow when you tried to walk past them

"Y/N?" The way he said your name had you frozen. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I, um, I have to go." You pulled your arm from his grasp, again trying to get away.

"No, Y/N-" Bucky's plea for you to talk to him was cut off by Perrie.

"James, we're supposed to be dancing." She whined, pulling on his right arm.

"It's fine, Bucky." Your face contorted into a tight smile. "Dance with your girlfriend." Your vision blurred as you tried to push your way through the crowd.

Nat found you first, pulling you off to the side of the party and gesturing for Wanda to join you both.

"Y/N, what happened?" Natasha tried to coax any bit of information out of you. You ignored the question, focusing instead on trying to control your tears.

Your powers, although you could mostly control them, were tied to your emotions. If what you were feeling manifested itself in the weather, it was almost impossible for you to regain control.

One tear finally fell from your eyes, a matching raindrop falling from the sky.

"Y/N? Why don't we go inside?" You managed a nod, breaths coming out shaky as you tried not to completely lose control.

You were only a few steps from the main entrance to the gardens when everything fell apart.

"Y/N?" Bucky called from a few feet behind you.

Just the sound of his voice caused the delicate balance you had achieved to shatter.

Your tears overflowed, thunder cracking in the sky. The thought of ruining Tony's part only made you cry harder.

The rain fell fast and heavy instantly soaking everyone outside. You stayed frozen, listening as everyone shrieked and ran to get out of the rain.

"You guys should go inside." You spoke softly to Nat and Wanda, gesturing for them to go without you.

"Are you sure?" Nat looked past you at Bucky before meeting your eyes again.

You nodded. "I mean, I'm already soaked." The rain continued to fall mixing with the tears on your cheeks.

They each gave you a quick hug before running to get inside.

"Y/N?" Bucky called again when you still hadn't turned around.

You took a deep breath trying to prepare for this conversation before you turned to face him. He was soaked, his hair sticking to his face despite his efforts to push it off.

"I'm sorry." You whispered so softly, you weren't even sure he could hear it over the rain.

"Don't do that." Bucky shook his head.

"What?" You scrunched your face in confusion.

"Apologize for your feelings." He spoke gently as he walked up to you.

You huffed a laugh. "Well, I was more so apologizing for the rain."

"I've always loved the rain." He shrugged, turning his head up to the sky. He stayed like that for a minute just letting the rain wash over him.

"I think I've always loved you." More tears fell as you admitted the truth. You closed your eyes in an effort to hide from his reaction.

"Y/N, look at me." Bucky pleaded, but you squeezed your eyes shut tighter and shook your head.

"Y/N, please." His hand came up to rest on your cheek, the other resting on your waist. He ran his thumb back and forth over your cheek coaxing you to open your eyes.

Your eyes fluttered open despite your best efforts to keep them closed. You had to blink a few times to clear the raindrops from your eyelashes.

"I love you too."

You searched his eyes for any signs that he was lying, but all you could find was sincerity.

"What about Perrie?" You couldn't help but ask, even if you'd rather forget about her entirely.

"I broke up with her the second she whined about me trying to make sure you were okay."

"You broke up with her because of me?" Your mouth fell open, eyes trained on Bucky's. He nodded sheepishly, but maintained eye contact.

"You're the most important person in the world to me. I probably should've realized what that meant sooner." He looked down, a pink tint blossoming on his cheeks. "She was actually the one who pointed out to me that I'm in love with you..."

"She said that?" Your jaw dropped even farther.

"Yeah. It was really Steve agreeing with her that clued me in though."

"You really love me?" You felt the need to verify what you had already heard. The rain lessening to a slight drizzle went unnoticed by both of you.

"I really, really do." He still held your face in his hand, now leaning his forehead against your own.

"Say it again." You whispered.

"I love you." He said the words quietly, but the meaning behind them was deafening.

"I love you too."

Your lips collided in a passionate kiss, years of hidden emotion coming out.

The rain clouds disappeared entirely, the sun set now visible in bright shades of pink and orange.

You finally pulled back when the need for air overcame your need for Bucky.

Your smile faded slightly, eyes showing a slight fear. Bucky noticed immediately, his own nerves growing.

"What's wrong?"

You gestured to the now empty gardens.

Aside from everything being soaked, the wind did a number on the decorations. Tables and chairs were overturned, plates and glasses smashed on the ground. The lanterns that had been hung were now strew across the ground in various states of destruction.

"Tony's going to be so mad at me!"

"He'll forgive you." Bucky stated with confidence.

"How can you be so sure?" You eyed him with furrowed brows, still nervous about facing Tony.

"He's forgiven worse, Doll. Trust me." Bucky eagerly awaited the moment you understood what he was saying.

Your eyes went wide, mind blanking on how to respond. That is, until Bucky smiled brightly at you.

"You've always told me joking about it can help. Figured I'd give it a try."

The two of you burst out laughing before slowly making your way inside, hand in hand and soaking wet.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @madewithsebstan

[cocobeanncteez]

ATEEZ San: Fight For Us (one-shot)

Pairing: idol!san x fem!reader

Genre: angst, light fluff, idol au.

Warnings: profanities, mentions of anxiety, breaking down, lots of crying, alcohol.

San never realized how awkward the atmosphere was whenever you and the members were in the same place. You knew they didn't like you from the first day San introduced you to them, but you didn't know why. Still, you tried your best to interact with them as they were very important to your boyfriend. San was really happy when he saw you making an effort to talk to the guys, but he didn't know that it was really hard for you to talk to them. They usually gave you short replies which just end the conversation. Hongjoong and Seonghwa were okay with you after awhile, but they still didn't make much efforts to talk to you.

One day, you went to the dorms when San had a sore throat. While you were making soup for him, you could hear some of the members talking about you from the living room. They were trying to talk quietly, but it was loud enough for you to hear.

"Why is she in our kitchen?" Wooyoung asked.

"She's probably making something," Yunho answered.

"Well, why is she using our kitchen then?" Yeosang scoffed. "I seriously don't like her." You felt your heart break at that. You knew they didn't like you, but it felt terrible to hear them say that.

"I should've hooked San up with my idol friend," Wooyoung said. "She's literally his type."

"I hope San breaks up with her," Mingi mumbled and Jongho agreed. "Our manager found out recently and he's not happy about it at all. San hasn't even been focusing very well these days."

"Manager hyung has plans of asking San to break up with her. I guess we all should be happy now," Jongho said. You felt your heart drop. At this point, you were sure the guys hated you. You really wanted to fix the situation, but you didn't want to cause any more problems; you knew San would never be able to break up with you, so you'd have to do instead.

You stirred the soup you made for San, controlling your tears from falling. You poured the soup into a bowl before taking it to his room.

"Thank you, love," San said softly, sitting up on his bed. You quietly fed him the soup, lost in your thoughts. "Babe, are you okay? Your eyes are watering." San asked, concern shown on his face.

You blinked and the tears fell. "Y-yeah, I just . . . I hate to see you in pain," you said; that was true, but it wasn't why you were crying.

San chuckled a little. "It's only a sore throat, love." Your heart hurt to hear him call you that; you won't be hearing it anymore after sometime. Tears began to stream down your cheeks at the thought of it.

San took the empty bowl from your hands and placed it on his bedside table. He cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away. "Baby, I'm alright," he murmured, leaning in to capture your lips. You kissed him back with more urgency, knowing that you'll never get to do it again. San gasped a little, surprised at the new feeling that somehow made him feel anxious. To him, it felt like you were going to say goodbye. Little did he know, he was actually right.

When you went home, you bawled your eyes out. You were very much in love with San, and you knew he loved you just as much. You texted him, saying that you would come over the next day. He felt relieved: his anxiety from the urgent kiss you both shared immediately going away.

The next evening after your university classes ended, you went to Ateez's dorm. Hongjoong opened the door for you, and you found all the boys in the living room, laughing while playing some board game. You saw Mingi and Jongho roll their eyes at you, unhappy to see you here.

"San," you called out nonchalantly, catching everyone's attention; they had never heard you say his name like that. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course, love," he said with his dimpled smile, taking your hand in his as he lead you to his room. He appeared to be calm, but he was filled with anxiety on the inside; your emotionless expression was scaring him. He kissed your forehead to see how you'd react. When you didn't respond in any way, he got even more scared.

"Babe, what's wrong?" he asked while you sat on his bed.

You took a deep breath.

"San, let's break up."

There was only silence. San felt daggers stabbing his heart over and over again as he repeated your words in his head.

"D-did I . . . " he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down a little. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you said, looking down at your feet. "I just think things aren't working out between us anymore," you lied.

"That's bullshit!" his voice raised a little as tears began to roll down his cheeks. "Don't lie to me, Y/N! Just don't . . . We were always fine!" he yelled as he broke down. "These eleven months . . . we managed everything so well despite our busy schedules!" You kept quiet; if you opened your mouth, you knew you'd break down as well.

"D-do you not love me anymore?" he whispered. "Am I not e-enough?" You knew San's biggest fear was not being good enough, and you wanted nothing more than to take back everything you said.

"I'm sorry, San," you murmured, feeling your heart hurt from saying his name.

"Don't do this to me," he cried, kneeling down in front of you, taking your hands in his. "Please, don't. I love you, Y/N. Don't do this . . . " You didn't say a word. You only closed your eyes, trying not to cry. You hated yourself for breaking his heart.

It was silent for a while; San was lost in thought, and you wished you knew what he was thinking about. You waited for him to say something for god knows how long.

You got up from his bed, looking at him one last time. "Take care of yourself," you said with a small smile that didn't reach your eyes. You left his room, tears immediately rolling down your face as you prepared to leave. However, San stopped you right beside the living room by grabbing your arm and turning you around to face him. Seeing your tears hurt him, but relieved him at the same time; it was enough proof that you still loved him.

All the guys were watching, and they were quite shocked to see San crying and looking so heartbroken.

"It's them, isn't it?" San asked, gesturing to the members with his head.

"No, it's not th—"

"I know they don't like you, Y/N," he said, surprising you; you thought he never knew that. He turned to look at the guys. "Are you all happy now? This was what you wanted right? For me and Y/N to break up?"

"San, please stop," you begged, not wanting any fights to happen between them. "It's not even related to them."

"What do you mean, San?" Hongjoong asked. "We never wanted that."

"Maybe you and Seonghwa hyung didn't," San stated. "But the rest of you certainly do."

"Yeah, he's right," Yeosang said. "We don't trust her or like her."

"And she's a gold-digger," Mingi added.

"She's just using you for your money and other things, San," Wooyoung said and Jongho nodded in agreement. San laughed so hard, you all were actually quite scared.

"A gold-digger?" he laughed. "You know that large company across Mnet's building? That belongs to Y/N's father. She's a chaebol heiress." The guys were quite stunned, not expecting that. "If you made an effort to talk to her instead of wrongly judging her, you'd know. She doesn't need my fucking money."

"What else can she use me for?" San continued. "Sex? We did after five months of dating. I don't think she would've waited if that's what she really wanted. Fame? She and her family are already well-known. So please, tell me why you all think she's fucking using me?!" San yelled. You were just frozen in place. You've never seen San this angry before and honestly, it scared you. None of the boys, not even Hongjoong, dared to say anything. You felt really bad that you're the reason why he raised his voice at them.

San turned to you. "Tell me the real reason why. I'm right, aren't I?"

"I can't," you looked away. "I'm sorry, San." Before he could say anything, you quickly unlocked the door and left.

San just stood there, feeling his already broken heart shatter even more. He chuckled bitterly while tears rolled down his face.

"There, you guys got what you wanted for so long," he said while looking at the members. Several seconds later, he broke down again, his back sliding against the wall. Seonghwa immediately went to his side, pulling the younger boy into his arms; it hurt him to see San like that.

"I love h-her, hyung," San sobbed loudly. "Why did she sacrifice her happiness like this?"

"I know, San," Seonghwa said, letting San cry on him. Hongjoong sat beside them, rubbing San's back comfortingly. San cried harder, struggling to breathe. Hongjoong got him a glass of water, but he wasn't able to drink it. After nearly an hour of crying, he fell asleep against Seonghwa.

"Yunho," Seonghwa called out. "Can you carry him to his bed?" Yunho nodded, picking San up; he wanted to cry at how broken his roommate was.

"Y/N . . . don't leave . . . " San murmured in his sleep, making Yunho's heart ache. He quickly tucked San in before heading to the living room where the rest of the boys were.

"We should apologize," Seonghwa said. "What the fuck is even wrong with us? Since when have we been like this? Judging a person so hard when we don't even know her properly? Look at what we've done now."

"Hyung, you and Hongjoong hyung didn't even do anything," Jongho mumbled.

"No, we did," Hongjoong said. "We didn't trust Y/N initially either. But I was fine with her after seeing San so genuinely happy." That last sentence hit the boys so hard. Seeing San happy . . . They didn't know when they would see him happy again.

"I'm calling Y/N right now," Hongjoong said. "I'm putting it on speaker, so everyone keep quiet. If we're really the reason why they broke up, then we're going to fix it." Everyone agreed and Hongjoong called you. You didn't pick up the first two times, but you finally picked up on the third.

"Hello?"

"Y/N, it's Hongjoong. Can we please talk right now, just for a minute or two?" You hesitated for a few seconds before agreeing. "Please tell me why you broke up with San."

"Hongjoong, I'm sorry, but I can't tell—"

"It'll stay between us, Y/N," he lied. "It'll be easier for us to help San move on."

You took a deep breath. "I heard some of the guys talking about me when I came over. I knew you all didn't like me, but I didn't expect you guys to hate me. They also said something about your manager planning to tell San to break up with me 'cause he isn't focusing."

"Ah, so that's why," Hongjoong said, extremely disappointed in himself and the members.

"No, it's not really about that," you mumbled, your eyes watering. "I just . . . I would never make San choose between me and you guys. I didn't want to cause any problems for you all. San loves you all so much, and you're very important to him. It's important for you guys to have a healthy relationship with each other for your career, so I didn't want to ruin it in any way. I didn't want you guys to have any problems with San just because of me." Yunho started crying, feeling extremely disappointed in himself for misjudging you and making San go through so much. Seonghwa and Wooyoung were in tears too. "If your manager asked San to end things with me, I know he'd never do it. So I did it instead."

"Y/N, I apologize on behalf of everyone," Hongjoong said. "We made a huge mistake, and I'm really ashamed. But I want you to know that none of us hate you. I hope you can forgive us."

"Don't worry, I forgave everyone. I understand why they thought I'm using him, so it's fine," you said softly. "I have to go now. I wish you guys the very best, and take care of San, please."

"Y/N, listen," Hongjoong said quickly, but you already hung up. "Fuck."

"We fucked up," Yeosang said, staring at the ceiling. "We fucked up big time."

"You should tell San about it, hyung," Jongho said to Hongjoong.

"I already heard everything," San mumbled, leaning against the wall, startling some of the guys with his sudden presence.

"San, we're so sorry," Yunho said sadly, his tears now dried up on his cheeks.

"Yeah, we shouldn't have judged her," Mingi murmured.

"Your apologies aren't going to change anything," San said nonchalantly. "I just lost the love of my life because of you guys. The sad part is, you all were the only people I trusted other than her." The boys felt terrible, but they knew it was their fault. "You all are so selfish. We're supposed to be a team, right? But none of you even thought about my feelings." San changed his clothes, grabbed his phone and wallet, put on his shoes and left, not wanting to be with anyone right now.

"I don't feel comfortable with him leaving at this time when he's in that state," Seonghwa said.

"I guess he's going to some bar," Yeosang murmured.

And he was right.

"Three more shots, please," San said to the bartender.

"Sir, you're already quite drunk," the bartender said.

"I need it, please." The bartender only gave him two shots, genuinely worried for the younger boy.

Tears rolled down San's face as he took a shot and fidgeted with the other. "Rough day?" the other younger bartender asked; he seemed to be only a year or two older than San.

"My girlfriend broke up with me," San said. "My members didn't like her."

"Ah, you're an idol?"

"Yeah," San nodded, not caring about whether or not this bartender would expose him.

"She must've done it so that your relationship with your members won't get spoiled."

"That's exactly why," San chuckled brokenly, more tears rolling down from his eyes. "I love her so much. And I know she loves me as well."

"Then what are you doing here? Go get her!" the older bartender said. "It's not easy to find genuine love these days. Don't throw it all away just because of that."

"She wouldn't get back with me," San murmured, sobering up a little.

"Well, you said she loves you. If she really does, she wouldn't give up," the younger bartender said. "I know people say if really love someone, you'll let them go. I think the opposite. You don't give up on the person you love."

San pondered about the words he just heard. "You know what? You're absolutely right," San said, getting off the barstool. "I'm gonna go get her."

You were doing pretty bad after the break up. Although it hasn't even been twenty-four hours, you've been a mess.

"If you aren't gonna eat, will you at least drink this?" your best friend said, placing a bowl of soup in front of you.

"I don't feel—"

"Y/N, if you don't fill your stomach up with something, you're gonna feel worse." You sighed, taking the spoon to drink the soup. Your bestfriend waited till you drank everything before leaving for work.

Three minutes later, your doorbell rang. You rolled your eyes, quite sure your best friend forgot something as usual.

"What did you forget now?" you asked while opening the door. "I bet it's your—"

San stood at the door, wearing his usual grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. His mouth and nose were covered with a black mask, and his wet hair was nearly covering his eyes.

"Y/N, can we talk, please?" he asked a little shakily. He was visibly shivering and you wanted to yell at him for not dressing warmly when it was freezing outside.

You immediately let him in, running to your room to get a blanket. He sat on the couch, eyes never leaving you while you wrapped him up in a cotton fleece blanket. You quickly made him some warm tea; you breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped shivering.

"Y/N," he started, sipping on his tea. "I overheard your conversation with Hongjoong hyung." You opened your mouth to say something, but he placed a finger against your lips. "Let me finish, baby."

"I was on my way to your apartment last night, but I was drunk and passed out in the cab. The cab driver tried to wake me up for almost an hour until Seonghwa hyung called me and the driver brought me home," he said, finishing his tea and placing the empty teacup on the table. "The guys and I had a long talk today morning. They apologized for being immature and judging you, but anyway, they will call you later to apologize as well." San cupped your cheek. "Y/N, I know you broke up 'cause you didn't want any problems to occur between the boys and I, but baby, please consider my feelings as well. Your happiness is my happiness. So if you sacrifice that, how will I be happy?" He stroked your cheek with his thumb. "Y/N, I love you so much. You mean the whole damn universe to me. I fucking love you to the point where I literally cannot live without you. Please don't put me—put us through that again. I can't and won't ever stop fighting for us." You choked on a sob, bursting into tears. He pulled you into his arms, crying as well. You apologized for whatever happened while he placed soft kisses on your head.

"I love you, Sannie," you whispered, wiping his tears away.

"I love you too." He took your hand, intertwining it with his, placing a kiss on yours. "Promise me that you won't ever stop fighting for us."

"I promise."

[youaresogoingtohell]

So overnight I got to thinking about it all, and realized some hard things about myself and my history with cults.

Yesterday I said they didn't indoctrinate me, but last night I realized they actually kinda did. And I'm ashamed to say I believe in some of it still. It's hard to shake.

They got me believing I should eat at least twice a day. Slowly, over time - cleverly, really. It was only one part of the whole way they stealthily steered me into seeing the world through "nourishment" goggles.

fucking creeps!

They completely changed my perception of myself. I didn't realize it at the time, but that's what they did! No matter what they say, no matter how hard they try to object or re-frame the issue in some other way, they absolutely are to blame for me no longer being able to see myself as garbage. That loss can never be undone! Any time I want to return to that youthful verve of being living shit-slime, their programming knocks me out of it, no matter how hard I try to remember all the logic and satisfaction of hating my own self. It didn't happen overnight. It took a lot of work on their part.

Fuck, too, they politicized me. They radicalized me. Does anyone really ever recover from that? I don't think so, not really. And again, it was so tricky. No lectures, no hard sell. I can't even pinpoint when it happened. It all just seemed to add up in my mind, one day. I bet they were delighted! but they didn't say anything, if so.

There was a room, a big one, that you had to take your shoes off to go into. Red flag! It seemed fine, at the time. Goes to show you! The mind control takes many forms.

Not One Of Them Fucked Me. Not ONE. ?!?!?!? disrespectful! For years I'd been hearing all this juicy shit about forced sex and group sex and secret mutual masturbation rituals. NOPE. Utter, boring, total hideous lack of any sex drama whatsoever. All that cloying 'honesty' and endless 'communication' about 'feelings' and 'needs'. I can't believe it took me so long to see it for what it is.

Inhuman! Unnatural.

There's too much to go into, and it's so tangled up. They were smart about it. They'd find all sorts of subtle ways to convince me that people can't be hostile, isolated, single-use units of value in separate cubicles for a lifetime, how the home should be this inexpensive and nontoxic sacred place, all kinds of shit like that. Looking back, it's like, they were all so fucked up about Ps & Qs around each other. What's that all about?

Friends, it has been well over twenty years since I could force something into my mouth that's neon blue and weird-tasting. And that's only one lasting consequence of having let myself get conned by people who never once let on that they were conditioning me. No no, they were smooth! They did it with this scarily gentle lack of any direct language at all. It was all encoded into their smiles, human appearances and weirdly careful daily behavior. Who does that? "checking in" and "making sure you're okay" and so on. Paranoid much????

I'm sorry to say that, several times, I'd let one or more of them hug me when I was crying. Love bombing I guess they call it.

I think it's important to be open about these experiences so that more people aren't harmed by dangerous anti-american lifestyle gurus.

After all this time, I still don't know why they didn't try to stop me from escaping, but, they didn't. Maybe it was because they knew I'd go forth and preach about hippie bullshit for them, like a super hot gay lure. Well, no worries there! I will never, ever tell you how to find them.

[xeo-kunsatan]

Beast Choices Chapter 1. Diagnosis

Long time ago in Pacopolis... A Russian/Korean Woman have opened her consultory for the first time, ready to receive her first patient.

Muriel Plizetxki.

Age: 21 years

Gender: Female

Birthday: April 4th

Sign: Aries ♈

Race: Purple Sphere-Russian/Korean

Blood type: B+

From her office's door, her First patient have arrived.. It was a insecure and tired white orb next to his mother wich was speaking with Muriel about her son's bad behavior, wishing Muriel would make him change into a perfect boy, to then left him in the office.

Betrayus Spheros

Age: 18 Years

Gender: Male

Birthday: October 28th

Sign: Scorpio ♏

Race: White Sphere-American

Blood type: A-.

–Remember Miss in 2 months of therapy i will give you his Diagnosis–

Muriel said trying to be professional.

–I hope you can handle him, he is sooo complicated... Well see ya Tray Tray, be good– Said the old woman before leaving the office.

–Wow.. what a nice woman..– Muriel said sarcastically.. –Y-Yeah... I guess..– he said with a notable uncomfortably.

The ambient was quiet for a moment, but Muriel started speaking.

–Welcome to this office Mr Spheros, or how can I refer myself to you?– –B-Betrayus.. just Betrayus

--Said bashful the white guy..

--Alright Betrayus, so.. Tell me... What are your problems?

Betrayus was quiet and nervous but he took a break and started narrating..

–Well.. Doctor.. My problems started literally since I born,.. my Dad died when i born... So my mother andmy brother.. they saw me as the guilty of his death and a black sheep...i Dunno if my older sister thinks the same of me....

He was narrating while Muriel was taking notes of his testimony.–

–I didn't knew how my father was, when i tried to ask my mom about him...she just avoid that topic and told me a "shut up" instead, My sister isn't in home for almost all the day because of her work, when i saw her, we just have a short conversations about future stuff and what places we want to visit so i forgot to ask that to her.. and my brother.. he just avoids me with Mom's same behavior.. i think i partly know why he is Mom's favorite..

–Because he is the same shit as her?–

Muriel commented in a jocking way.

–Heheh.. Exactly– He Chuckled

–Is that all, or there's is more you want to share?.. Like.. your childhood?– she said interested while she was still taking notes.

–Well.. about my childhood..it was hard too, i went to the same school as my brother, he was the brilliant Student of the class, he was the best in Chess, math, history, lenguage, football, swimming, golf and hockey. How I'm not like him, for a weird reason classmates sees me as a

Mr no One or a freak, some of them used to bully me....– He added

–Uhuh..– Muriel Answered while she was writting in a new paper

Betrayus seemed a little mad at Muriel's dry attitude, like thinking she wasn't giving a care about his feelings.

– Agh... you know, whatever, that's not important.. you're were just paid to control me

Betrayus's mad expression changed in a melancholic one, something Muriel noticed quickly, then she said him with a warm voice tone and a clumsy smile.

–Don't worry, i will not judge you, even when my work is hear your problems and understand you to then give you dry advices, i really want to help you, i know so well how do you feel, I'm sorry if I sounded like i didn't care, Heh.. This is my first work day and you my first patient, hehe–

Betrayus was embarrassed but relieved at the same time –R-Really?, Oh dang I'm really sorry, i didn't know..–

–No no no, it's okay, it was my fault– Muriel was still with a dummy smile, something that Betrayus saw with tenderness

–Heh at least that confirms me that you're really interested in help me–

She chuckled –Yeah i guess, hehehe

And we'll continuing this, tell me what are the things wich makes you shine?–

–Things wich makes me shine?– he asked confused

–You know, your skills, in what things you are good for– she answered chuckling

–Ooh!, I get it, heh.. well I'm good in lenguage, History, Gambling, Pac pong...well.. uhm.. I don't like it anymore... Also literature and writing, I'm kinda freaky with that..–

Suddenly Betrayus noticed a familiar book from the mini library behind Muriel's.

–Is that?.. No way! Is that the Divine Comedy book!?– He said on a impressed and kinda freaky tone.

–Y-yeah wow I thought I was the only weirdo by reading that book– she was impressed as well.

–Same old, Girl!

Both started sharing their tastes having the surprise that their tastes were the same as each other while they were yelling as bakudeku fangirls.

The hours have passed and Rotunda went to take Betrayus to home.

–Im back, Im sorry if he caused you problems– Rotunda said trying to be nice.

–Ohh Miss he wasn't giving me problems, he behaved really good– She answered keeping herself as professional

Rotunda just paid the date to Muriel and left with Betrayus.

Muriel just sighs of satisfaction at watching his first patient smiling before Left.

"He has a really precious smile".

Muriel have attended another 3 patients more until the day ended, she just left the building of her office to then left to a Cabaret club where she worked to pay her career and getting psychiatrist title, work wich still he is having for actually any Monday night. Sometimes to strip or filming adult movies, Always wearing a wolf mask to hide her identity as well keeping her work as psychiatrist. It's almost hard to say if she hated her job in that Cabaret.

She ended and Left safety to her department to just feed her wolfdog Yūu, take a bath and fall sleep cuddling with Yūu waiting for the next day.

In the timelapse of the days Muriel and Betrayus continued their meetings, sometimes with Muriel taking Yūu to the meetings to give a fluffy support to Betrayus, Muriel became into a big emotional support to Betrayus as well her best friend. Something big was growing up between them.

The 2 months have passed so Muriel will give Rotunda the Diagnosis of Betrayus.

Betrayus: hehe then i told her.. Don't move, and she moved and fell from the stairs.

Muriel: Unholy Satan hahahaha... Heheh.. Hey, did anyone told you that you have a beautiful smile?

Betrayus: R-really?.. thank you..*Blushes* no one told me that before...

Muriel: they lost it. *Smiles too*

Betrayus: you know.. you have a beautiful smile too Muriel.

She blushes as well.

Muriel: i want to see you smile Betrayus..

Betrayus: me too

The door was knocked, It was Rotunda and Stratos to take Betrayus to home as well to know the final diagnosis of Betrayus.

Muriel:*opens the door* come in.

Rotunda: thanks to take me Stratos sweetie.

Stratos: always for you Mom.

Rotunda: Tray Tray, wait outside, we have something important to tell with the doctor.

Betrayus: I'm not a child mom...

Betrayus goes outside and sits in the waiting room, near to the door to hear the conversation, suddenly Yūu appears in front him and gives him warm company.

Meanwhile Rotunda and Stratos were waiting for Betrayus's Diagnosis.

Rotunda: Tell me Doctor, what's the problem with my son, did he behaved bad?

Muriel: Oh no, he is a really nice guy but there's the problem.. he has light Depression attacks but it's not too serious in his case, he doesn't need medicine or something... But the only thing he needs is real attention and affection, something wich you clearly don't give him.

Rotunda: Aghh that's fake!

Stratos: but that's not right, it's just a bratty of him.

Muriel: and... Have you asked it what's the origin of his "Bratty"?.

Stratos: well uhh...

Rotunda: uhmm... Because yes?..

Muriel: *she is mad but keeping herself professional* that doesn't have a sense, no one can have a problem or issue because yes, there always a why, the reason of your son's "Bratty" it's because of the rejection and contempt you give him because of something is not his fault, like the death of your husband, being born after the death of your husband doesn't make him a curse, he is a gift your husband left you before his death, but you prefer to see him in that way, as your husband would liked you to do that to his son.

Rotunda was completely mad so she answered that by slapping Muriel, Stratos was shocked as well Betrayus wich was hugging Yūu stoping her to attack Rotunda.

Stratos: M-Mom..

Rotunda: don't talk about my husband!! you can't tell me how to rise my children, you're not a mother to know that!!.

Muriel:... Maybe I'm not a mother, if i were one i will not treat my children as a bullshit, i would treat them with love.. as my mother used to do

Rotunda: Arrgghh... This is a Nonesense... Stratos take me home..

Stratos: y-yes Mom..

Rotunda have left the office just to meet up with a angry Yūu, Muriel noticed that and ran off the office to calm down Yūu.

Muriel: Yūu-Min No! Calm down Girl, calm down...

Yūu calms down and looks at Betrayus worried.

Stratos;*sneezes* Wolf!!...

Rotunda: Ahh! Beast!!

Muriel;*lies* its actually, an Malamute Alaskan.

Betrayus: i heard everything... Mom.. it's not my fault my dad died, and you know what? I'm tired of you and your bullshit about me!!

Stratos: Betrayus don't speak in that tone to our mother!!!.

Betrayus: *mocks* don't speak in that tone to our mother.. you are just defending her because "you are his favorite child"...

Rotunda: that's it! Betrayus you better take your stuff and leave the house!

Betrayus: in that it's the only thing I can agree with you, mother.

Rotunda: hah, i doubt you can live without me.

Muriel: well, he can live in my department, i have a extra room there.

Betrayus: R-really Muriel? Can I?.

Muriel: Sure.

Rotunda: Fine! Go with your Slut, if she can bear with you.

Muriel: at least bear with me "a slut" it's better to bear with a witch like you.

Stratos: that's enough! Mom... Let's go..

Stratos have left with Rotunda.

Muriel: uff finally...

Betrayus:*hugs her tightly* .. thank you.. Thank you so much Muriel.

Muriel: *hugs back* your welcome...

After that Betrayus started living with Muriel in her apartment as her Roommate, Betrayus find a work as pizza Delivery guy.

Where their story started and their relationship evolved into real love.

To be continued...

Extra:

Muriel and Betrayus have left a bakery with a box of chocolate donuts.

Bully1: hey Babe, what if you leave this white loser and come with a real man~?.

Betrayus; Aghh.. not him..

Muriel: Tray Tray.. hold my donuts *give him the box of donuts*

Betrayus: Muriel?...

Muriel starts beating up the guy to make him Run.

Betrayus:... She is a real lady~♥

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [details of some party that they can go to because it's not someone he knows its more like a friend of a friend of so they can do what they want] Buster: I'll pick you up when you're ready Rio: Oh, I'm with Nancy rn Rio: think I might be in it for the long haul over here Buster: You've been there ages Rio: I know Rio: been a while, lots she wants to catch up on Rio: I can probably make it though, if I start politely getting ready to leave soon Buster: Where are you? Rio: at mine Rio: we went out shopping for a bit but now we're just chilling Buster: I'll tell her mum or dad are on the warpath, either's believable Buster: She'll be back before she realises they're working Rio: That's not very friendly, is it Buster: She's my sister, not my friend Rio: yeah but won't she wonder why you've tricked her Buster: She'll think I got it wrong, a common enough thought for her to have about me Buster: Who cares? Rio: I don't wanna be mean Buster: Don't then Buster: To me Buster: I haven't seen you all day Rio: Baby Rio: you know I wanna be with you Rio: let me get out of this my way though Buster: Alright Rio: I promise, it won't take that long Buster: You do know that unless you appear right now it's too long, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: you know I missed you as much Rio: more, I think Buster: So prove it by getting rid of her Rio: I will Rio: it would've looked so suspect if I didn't spend any time with her Buster: Or like you've outgrown her which everyone wanted us to do with each other, therefore they'd have to be thrilled Rio: If everyone weren't massively hypocritical Rio: or her social life was a bit more robust in general Buster: Her lack of a social life is her own problem, not yours, babe Rio: not if I ditch her at the drop of a hat Rio: but I've worked it out Buster: Tell her to ditch her fringe and you'll be doing her such a big favour it'll cancel out the abrupt goodbye Rio: Stop 🤫 Rio: I'd almost forgot how rude you can be 🙄😏 Rio: I'm gonna have a fake argument with Dan that I'll 'need' to go and sort out Buster: It sounds good in theory but she'll probably try and convince you not to 'cause he's a man Rio: She can text me the TLDR of the gay agenda Rio: it'll be fine, less of a 😱 when I dump him later too Buster: Surprised you ain't had a real argument by now Buster: He's even more of a pussy than I thought Rio: He knows I'm busy with family still Buster: And those papers don't deliver themselves Rio: You're SO funny, babe Buster: Yeah, I know Buster: One of many talents Rio: I might rank it lower than some of your others Rio: but I still like ya Buster: Don't force yourself, like Rio: Come on Rio: what have you been doing today anyway? Buster: As the twin with a social life in each of our postcodes, I've been busy fulfilling those obligations Rio: See, you've been keeping busy too Rio: not even missed me Buster: I can do both Buster: Multitasking is one of my aforementioned talents Rio: I can give you that one Buster: [a topless post football playing selfie like see busy and thinking about/missing you hence I took this for you] Buster: I'll give you this then Rio: 😍😍😍 Rio: I wanna come watch you play next time Buster: Yeah? Rio: you need to ask when you look like that? Rio: I could be there, right, at a proper match Buster: 'Course Buster: Probably don't tell the others though, it'd be hard to stop Billie and Edie from wanting to come with you Rio: True Rio: do your parents come? Rio: 'cos I'd rather not control my 😍😍😍 at all Buster: They'd have to not be working for there to be any danger of that Rio: I thought so Rio: I'll cheer you on Rio: bring the 🍊🍊 Buster: My dad watches me box more often, you wouldn't like that anyway Rio: not gonna encroach on your male bonding time, don't worry Buster: Hilarious Rio: I was being serious Buster: Me too, it's hilarious you reckon we have any kind of bond to encroach on Rio: you live together Rio: that's something, like Buster: Only 'cause they won't let me move out yet Rio: Well yeah Rio: you are only 14 Buster: And they were making such good choices when they were Rio: they didn't get to have their own place either Buster: They didn't need one, they were already living in the same house Rio: I doubt that argument will change their mind Buster: Whatever, I'm not trying to leave Ava with just Nance Buster: She'd make her well weird Rio: I don't think you can't make anyone anything Rio: least of all your sister Buster: You know what I mean Buster: And you don't have to jump to the other's defence, I ain't gonna send her this Rio: Whatever Rio: what are you gonna wear tonight then? Buster: Unlike you I haven't been shopping, maybe I'll go now while I'm waiting for you Rio: Just trying to work out the level of effort I need to put in Buster: What level of effort would you like to put in? Rio: I just don't want to look out of place Rio: why is that a problem? Buster: It's not a problem, why are you coming at me with an attitude? Rio: Sorry Rio: I think all this shit that's going on with Nance has got to me Buster: What's she said? Rio: Just all about those kids, what they say and do Rio: it's a shitty situation Buster: Stay with her if you want, I can take some of the lads with me Rio: If you'd rather Buster: I obviously wouldn't Buster: But if it'll make you feel better Rio: I don't know Rio: there's nothing I can do for her Buster: I'd say bring her but she'd never go Rio: I hardly blame her Buster: 'Course not, you never do Rio: Going to a party where she knows no one won't make her feel any better Buster: She doesn't wanna feel better, she'd rather wallow Buster: A party's as good a place as any for that Rio: You invite her then Rio: I'm not a middleman Buster: I don't actually want her there, unbelievable as that may sound, babe Rio: then we're agreed it's a bad idea Buster: I'll take us being in agreement about something as far as my fucking sister is concerned Rio: For God's sake Rio: let's drop this Buster: Don't for God's sake me Rio: This conversation is pointless Buster: That ain't stopped you keeping one going with Nance though Rio: Your sister has spent most of today telling me how hard she's struggling and how hard she gets bullied and you want me to just put that aside like it's nothing Buster: Would you like me to applaud you for having to hear a day's worth of it? Rio: Don't be a dick Buster: Don't tell me what it's like as if I don't go to the same school Rio: Don't make it about you Rio: it's happening to her Buster: Cheers for that, I had no idea Rio: Like I said, pointless Rio: have a good night with your friends Buster: I will Rio: 👍 Great Buster: It's no mansion but I'll make the best of it regardless Rio: Go away now Buster: Who do you think you're talking to? Buster: That hasn't worked on me a single time you've tried it Rio: You're just trying to annoy me now and I don't need it Buster: You wish Buster: She's annoying you and you don't wanna admit that to yourself or her Rio: No, you're being an asshole because you're mad Buster: I'll take all the blame, babe, what do I care? Buster: It's a well established role, I'm the asshole and she's the only one ever who suffers Rio: I haven't said that, no one's said that Buster: Chelsea's always been a picnic for me, like Buster: Not that anyone's ever asked Rio: I know that, why are you saying it like I don't Rio: and I can't do fuck all about that either Buster: 'Cause you're acting like you don't Rio: The ways you cope aren't the ways she does, or doesn't Rio: I just don't see the point of acting like that'll work Buster: Well, I don't see the point of you taking all her bullshit on as your own Buster: Or getting dragged down by it Rio: I can't just Rio: dismiss it that easily Rio: she's still here, like, can you just give me a moment Buster: Take loads of them Buster: I'll see you tomorrow Rio: Thanks so much Buster: You're so welcome Rio: Bye then Buster: Yeah Rio: if that's how you feel then just see me on easter Buster: If that's how you feel, then you might as well bring your boyfriend to celebrate with us all Rio: Fuck you Buster: No, fuck you Rio: I don't get why you're being like this Rio: explain it to me Buster: You don't get to hold Easter over me like an ultimatum when you know it won't be the same then Buster: We only get 7 days and you've already spent this one with her but I can't be upset about it 'cause she's more upset than me Buster: Fuck that Buster: And like I said, fuck you Rio: You're allowed but that ain't what you put out at all Rio: you're mad at her, I get it, but fuck taking that out on me Rio: she's my cousin, I have to see her when she comes over Rio: and nah, it isn't a fun time but you don't need to take my mood so personally Buster: Forget it Buster: You could just see her on Easter, but why would you when that threat works so much better on me Rio: It's not a threat Rio: if you reckon you're gonna have so much more fun with your friends then you may as well Buster: I reckon I'll have to try and have fun with them 'cause that's the only option you've given me Rio: I was actually coming 'til you told me not to Buster: I didn't tell you not to Rio: Yes you did Rio: you said see you tomorrow Buster: Don't put words in my mouth Buster: You already weren't coming by the time I said that Rio: Then why would I have left my house to go have an imaginary argument for you Buster: To have a real one with me, obviously Rio: Yeah, that's exactly how I wanted to spend my evening, you've got it Rio: never mind I can't friggin' go back five minutes later 'cos she's probably still there with Junior Buster: You and me both Buster: So don't go back yet Rio: Well where do you suggest I go Rio: seeing as you've uninvited me from the party 'cos I'm so shit Buster: Come on Rio: I'm not sorry I care about her Rio: and that isn't me saying you don't, or me saying I don't care about you either Rio: I clearly do Buster: I don't want you to be sorry Buster: I love that you care so much, you know that Rio: are you coming to pick me up then or what? Buster: I'm basically halfway to you already Buster: I wasn't gonna turn around, who am I? Buster: Not a cunt who gives up that easy, like Rio: Don't scare me like that Buster: I didn't mean to Buster: I'm sorry Rio: You wanted to make me feel how you did Rio: I get it Rio: I've missed you too today Buster: It just made me think about what it'll be like, I've been trying not to Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: we'll have to work out how often we can Buster: I missed you so much Buster: I can't leave you Rio: but you have to Rio: there's no scenario where we can be together as much as we want Rio: even if we weren't having to hide it Buster: There has to be, there's always choices Buster: If you want something badly enough, you make it happen Buster: That's my life Rio: You can't leave school, I can't go to yours, I wouldn't get in Rio: and I can't just move myself to London with nowhere to live and no plan Buster: Then I'll move back here Buster: With Nan and Granddad Rio: Your parents won't want that Rio: even if they're barely about, they still want you around Buster: I don't give a shit what they want Rio: I know, but it means they've got enough say to stop you, at least for now Rio: in a few years, nah Rio: it's shit, I don't want that to be how it is any more than you do Rio: I wanna be with you always Buster: In a few years you could have a boyfriend that isn't a pussy with a paper round Rio: Do you actually think I'm going to get a new boyfriend? Buster: Not right now, obviously Rio: Not ever, if you still want me Rio: I've only got this one still because I don't want to waste our time together right now dealing with the logistics of formally dumping him Buster: Like you said, we can't be together as much as we want Rio: so that means, what, to you Rio: you need to keep this open Buster: It means you deserve better Rio: there isn't better Rio: you said that Rio: and I believe it Buster: Not than me, but than this bullshit scenario Buster: My mum and dad only got through uni 'cause they had us, everyone knows that Buster: They'd had years together by then Rio: Well, I believe in us Rio: I thought you did too Buster: I do Buster: I just can't fucking breathe when I think about going back Rio: it's the first time Rio: we'll get better at it Rio: we'll have to Buster: Yeah, I'll add it to the list of shit I have to do Buster: It'll be fine Rio: It won't Rio: it'll hurt like hell Rio: but we have to be okay with that Rio: if we want the good of it Buster: Don't Buster: You can't ask me to be okay with hurting you Rio: It hurt more Rio: being without you Rio: we'll have more than we did, no matter Buster: I know Rio: That's what love is, right Rio: no matter what Buster: If it ain't that, I don't know what else it would be Rio: I don't want anyone else Rio: even if it's painful Buster: Okay Buster: Me either, in case that wasn't painfully obvious Rio: You better not Rio: You're mine Rio: I can't share you Buster: I am yours Buster: I told you, nobody is gonna change my mind Buster: I probably should have said no obstacle though, 'cause distance won't either Rio: not even you Rio: you can't change your mind yet Rio: preferably ever but Rio: I won't say you can't there Buster: Especially not me, what the fuck do I know, I reckoned ignoring you for the rest of our lives would work Buster: I won't ever change my mind 'cause I can't Buster: That'd be a mistake and those aren't allowed Rio: I love you Rio: and I'll get better at listening Buster: I love you too, but I can't promise that I'll get better at staying calm Buster: You know my history Rio: I know you Rio: and I love you as you Rio: we'll make this work Rio: what else can we do, right Buster: She gets to me too, you know Buster: Or all of that bullshit at school does Rio: Of course it does Rio: no one wants to hear that about their family Rio: and not be able to stop it Rio: I know you care Buster: She doesn't understand Rio: She sees it like you're picking their side Rio: instead of trying to keep some of them vaguely on it in any way Buster: I'm not gonna take on the whole school for her Buster: It shouldn't have got that far Buster: She lets shit escalate and then expects me to fix it Rio: She's a good victim Rio: she rises it to it, you know Rio: if she could just laugh it off or let it go, it wouldn't be happening Buster: I don't know how the fuck she could have been raised the same way as me, with the parents we have, and become that Buster: Everything my mum went through, it's offensive Rio: She doesn't mean to be the way she is Rio: she needs to get to a place where she can help herself, or ask for help Buster: She doesn't try hard enough not to stand in her own way Buster: So she might as well mean it Rio: It's frustrating, I know Buster: Frustrating ain't the word Buster: But whatever Rio: You can't change her Rio: unfortunate or otherwise Rio: just how it is, babe Buster: At least she ain't Ro levels yet Rio: Is anyone Rio: now that's offensive Buster: Fair point Rio: swear she lowkey hates me Buster: She don't like anyone Rio: yeah but she liked my ma and me being born stole her attention Rio: gutted ever since, I'm so sorry Buster: Come on, be real, she liked your mum until Edie was born Rio: Too true Rio: 'course that had NOTHING to do with Drew 🙄 Buster: Maybe she only wants mixed race babies Buster: I'll ask her if she comes to Easter Rio: 😂 Rio: please do Rio: how did you stand to live with her for all those years Buster: They are cuter, like Buster: And I didn't have a choice Rio: You'll want to get with a darker girl than me then Rio: it's amazing your da didn't murder-suicide Buster: No, I won't Buster: Look no further for where I get my coping strategies from, bottle in hand literally as I type this Rio: That's just cultural, like Rio: and when your brother does what Joe did, who's checking Buster: Yeah Buster: At least you're not actually my sister Rio: again, don't think that's calming anyone Buster: When have I ever been a calming influence? Rio: I wish there was explaining it Rio: but nah Buster: Who do we owe an explanation to? Rio: I mean, if we could Rio: so we didn't have to hide it Buster: If we ever tell anyone I'm not explaining or grovelling, fuck that Buster: Only God can judge me and he don't exist, so Rio: Shh, my nan has spidey-sense for blasphemy Rio: I just wanna show everyone how much I love you Rio: I can at this party, yeah Buster: You can do whatever you want at this party, babe Rio: That like just what I need Buster: [a picture of a full crate/case of something expensive that he's bringing to this party] Buster: Nobody's gonna care what we do Rio: 🙌 Rio: you're the best Rio: I'm gonna need to get changed in the car Rio: 'cos not even me puts on a party dress to go have an argument, sadly Buster: Next time I won't tell you to fuck off for less than a tiara and ballgown, like Rio: I appreciate that Buster: I can wait, you know Buster: Without distracting you too much Rio: where Rio: I told you, I already left Buster: But you can go back, if you need to Rio: No I can't, 'cos I'm going to see Dan, remember Rio: not get ready to go out with you Rio: it doesn't matter Buster: You could be making yourself look beautiful for him Rio: Rude to suggest I'm not already Buster: I'm not suggesting that, just that I'm aware how arguments work Rio: That isn't the vibe Buster: You decide what the vibe is, and Nance doesn't need to know Rio: If you're saying I need to then just say it Buster: What? Rio: Put more effort in Rio: 'cos I'm clearly not bothered so Buster: I'm not saying that Buster: Why would I? Rio: I don't know Rio: you tell me Buster: Rio Rio: What? Buster: All I'm ever gonna tell you is how perfect you are Buster: Come on Rio: Do you think I'm going to embarrass you? Buster: No Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: Don't call me stupid Buster: I'm not, I'm saying the idea that I'd ever feel like that 'cause of you is stupid and you know it is Rio: I'm nervous Buster: Tell me Rio: What if someone there knows Rio: it's stupid Buster: We're going there 'cause they don't Buster: Trust me Rio: I do Rio: I just don't want this to end Buster: It won't Buster: No matter what, remember? Rio: Yeah Rio: I know, it'd just be nice if we didn't have to test that theory for a long time yet, wouldn't it Buster: We're not testing it tonight Buster: It's the opposite, a chance for us to be like any other couple Rio: Yeah Rio: okay, I'll stop freaking out now Buster: Freaking out isn't the vibe either, your worries aren't irrational, I wish I could say they are Buster: But like I said, I chose this party over any of the others happening this week for a good reason Buster: You're safe, and so is the secret Rio: You aren't stupid either, obviously Rio: I do know Rio: and I do wanna have a good time with you, so we will Buster: I just wanna give you everything that he can, especially bullshit that gets taken for granted Rio: You don't need to compete with him Rio: or anyone else Buster: There's no competition Buster: Like you said, I ain't stupid Rio: even if we could literally never leave the hotel, I'd be happy, you know Rio: I just like being with you Buster: Yeah, but you need to know that I'm not ashamed of you, I wasn't when we were kids and I'm not now Buster: Whether nobody or everybody knows Rio: I know what I am Rio: and what your friends are like Rio: and girls you're used to Rio: is different Buster: I know what you are Buster: And they're not my friends, you are Buster: As for any girl other than you, you know how I feel and how I don't Rio: I love you Buster: I'm sorry Rio: No, don't be Rio: you've done everything right Buster: I haven't though, it's my fault you feel like I could be anything but flattered that you wanna go anywhere with me Buster: I know what I am too, and what I've done Rio: It's more circumstance Rio: you just played into it Buster: I've been acting like it's Nance who's wrong, for not fitting in, maybe it's me Buster: Maybe I'm actually the weak one Rio: You did what you had to do Rio: I would've done the same Rio: I have Buster: You haven't been cruel, that's just me Rio: I'm no saint, babe Rio: no one is Buster: You're as close as it gets then Rio: You're good, Buster Rio: I know Rio: and I knew Buster: I'm whatever people need me to be Rio: You ain't what you do to survive Buster: That's exactly what I am Buster: Everyone is Rio: I don't think so Buster: 'Cause you want to think that I'm good Rio: No Rio: because that assumes it's never gonna be more than just surviving Rio: it's some lowest common denominator shit Rio: I'd rather look at potential over desperation Rio: any cunt who thinks they'd be a 👼 at their lowest, hasn't ever been that far down Buster: It's not gonna be more than just surviving any time soon Buster: So 'course you'd rather look at potential, who wouldn't? Rio: I'm not going to be defined by my worst Rio: that's not naive optimism Buster: Good, don't be Rio: Why are you then Buster: When you're the best, you're also the worst Rio: I'm not Rio: You can't have it all the ways Buster: You're better than me, that's no secret, babe Buster: I keep telling you Rio: Then I can be worse too Buster: No you can't Rio: Why don't you like yourself Buster: 'Cause you can't please everyone Rio: you should consider yourself Rio: fuck everyone else Buster: That would only get me so far Rio: You don't have to be a dick to get places Rio: I'm aware, it does work Rio: but it's also not a requirement Buster: It is where I live Buster: And as we've established, I won't be leaving for a while Rio: you don't want to end up there Rio: do you? Buster: No Rio: Good Buster: I wanna come home Rio: I like being here too Buster: Remember when I hid Rio: Yeah Rio: and we'd really plan like your parents would just leave without you eventually Buster: Home Alone and Parent Trap really made it seem plausible, to be fair Rio: You were lead well astray with the latter Rio: though you're not also a ginger so that revelation probably wouldn't have happened Buster: I'm not a girl, more importantly, I'm not exactly sure how that's escaped your notice lately Buster: And I've got more chance of becoming one than my parents have of getting divorced at this point Rio: This is true, I remember Rio: it has been a day, you know Rio: my memory fades so fast Buster: Just as well I took more pictures than just the topless ones earlier then, yeah? Buster: [dropping nudes casually] Rio: you're forgiven for holding out on me Rio: just so you know Rio: 🥴 Buster: I said I wouldn't distract you too much Buster: My memory never fades Rio: that's a shame Rio: 'cos there's loads of this convo I'd like you to forget Rio: but we can start with the no distracting rule Buster: I didn't say no, just that you've gotta put clothes on before I can take them off Rio: I suppose that's fair Buster: What are you wearing then? Rio: You can't rip it Rio: it's one of my best dresses Rio: [a picture of it in her bag] Rio: you want me to put it on? Buster: I'll do it Buster: I've stressed you out, it's only right that I calm you down before we get there Buster: Full 👸🏽 treatment Rio: It's not you Rio: but I'm not going to say no or turn that down ever so Buster: You've got the wrong twin if you want any makeup doing though Buster: I only know how to take it off Rio: 😏 I'll survive Rio: though I may put on some to have you do that again Rio: it was so nice Buster: Start with lipstick, I really wanna take that off Rio: ❤️ or 💗? Buster: You tell me Buster: [sends her a pic of his outfit like] Rio: Hmm Rio: You'll look better in pink Buster: Okay Rio: more subtle, I know Rio: but I can leave other marks Buster: Yeah, you can Buster: I'm almost there now Rio: Go faster Buster: I'm not driving Buster: But I'll insist he does Rio: Do Buster: Already done Rio: he must think you're such a twat now Rio: my bad Buster: You're worth getting a lower rating from him for Rio: That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Rio: 😂 Buster: You're welcome Rio: You can say what you like about my standards on that one Buster: I don't dislike myself that much Rio: Good Rio: 'cos you're my favourite person Rio: and won't have nothing said about my taste Buster: You've got flawless taste, especially in dresses Rio: I knew you'd liked it Buster: I love it Rio: I'm gonna look good for you baby Buster: You do now Rio: but always Buster: You do always Rio: I'll get lazy if you make it this easy, like Buster: You'll still look good then Buster: And I'll still want you Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'm going to miss you so much Buster: I'll do whatever I can to make sure you don't though Buster: Anything Rio: We both will Rio: people do it, don't they Rio: there must be tips to cope Buster: 'Course Buster: Loads of people meet online and live in different countries, loads further away from each other than we'll be Rio: Exactly Rio: it doesn't always fail, can't do Rio: it's just harder Buster: Even if it does for everyone else, we're not gonna let it for us Rio: No Rio: we can't Buster: We won't Rio: you're too good and no one else is going to look after you properly Buster: Nobody else is gonna look at me or touch me or know me Buster: Only you Rio: I'm yours, in every way a person can be Rio: and I need you, you know Buster: Well, I'm here, so you can have me Rio: here here? Buster: Close your eyes and open them again Buster: You'll see me Rio: [does] Buster: [opens the car door because gentleman] Rio: [the most extra greeting like it's been 1000 years] Buster: [we know he's being as extra it's fine] Rio: [lol at the day you ever get a chatty driver] Buster: [he'd just be rude cos 100% that bitch] Buster: [or they'd do that thing where you try and talk normally and act like nothing is happening even though you're being saucy af] Rio: [that is a mood tbf] Buster: [we should give them a chatty driver one day lol] Rio: [we'll let you live today 'cos you need to get changed so literally as much ignoring as possible tah] Buster: [get you a man who will undress and redress you like he literally is] Rio: [so about it, reckon we probably know how this party will play out now so wanna do easter?] Buster: [yeah we know it's their chance to be extra in front of everyone so I'm down to do easter]

[mikosdreams]

HEAR ME

CHAPTER ONE: DISRUPTION

"Irina! Stop!" A male voice cries out as he walks away with fury, "I am sorry!" He pulls his pants on as he runs after her. Panic rippling through his skin, he was caught and now he is losing something he hoped he would never lose. The green highlights shine in the light of their star, the man pushes through the crowd. Desperate to get to the girl that he wanted to keep for his life, he looks around in pure panic as he loses her. His pale skin turning strongly yellow. The man couldn't find her, he couldn't fix his mistakes. Passers-by look on with disgust, smelling the guilt off of him. They understand what has happened and it is filling him more with shame, he didn't mean to fall into the seductor's hands.

Irina looks around in confusion, the surroundings were familiar yet strangely not. She turned a corner on a street yet she is standing in an odd looking kitchen, she moves across the tiles with caution. Her eyes taking in her surroundings quickly, making notes where a possible exit could be if in danger. Her spine stiffens when she hears gears being fiddled with then a creaking door, a tired groan sounded passed the threshold of the kitchen. Soon a man with thick glasses and sandy blonde hair appears in her line of sight, he stood there with his finger on the switch as a light came on. His eyes widen as he looks at the humanoid being in his kitchen, the tanned man blinks a few times.

"Who are you?" The man asks, slowly. Still, in shock about what he was seeing, the green-skinned woman looks around her and looks at the man once again. Seeing there is no way out, he was standing in the exit and entryway. "My name is Irina." She quickly states as she watches him carefully, confused about the man. The tall human smiles, little dips appear as his eyes bundle a tad under. "Call me, Woojun. Nice to meet you but why are you in my home?" Woojun asks as his hands finally rest beside him, "I truly don't know." She truly answers as she watches the man as he drags his feet to the cooler. "I know you aren't human, what are you?" He asks as he grabs a bottled soda and bottled water, he shuts the door and hands her the water.

She carefully takes the beverage and opens it, "Ulit. We live kind of like humans." She replies as she follows the man to his lounging space. "Why aren't you freaking out?" She watches him in pure confusion but also comfortable, "I see no reason to. You were in my kitchen like the neighbor's kid, if you had food in your hands I would assume you were just like in other kid coming here." Woojun responses as he turns on the television and sets back on the couch. "Is food a problem around here?" The Ulit asks as she carefully sets down in the chair beside the couch, "Yeah. I am a manager for a store and I take anything home the expires within a month of our chosen date. The kids take the back door and fill up a bag or so with the food from the garage."

To say she was shocked and sad is an understatement, a man providing for the neighbor because they are struggling for food is insane. This man shouldn't be doing that and being completely calm about a stranger in his house, "Do they came often?" She asks softly. Sadness wrappings its hands around her heart and tugging roughly on it, she wanted to scream out and yell. "They come every week or so, taking as much as their wagons will take and going home. Sometimes mothers come and take what they can that is on their list so they can save money. There is a single mother on this corner that makes just enough to have about twenty dollars left for gas, I take her any meats I have to her and let her pick first. She has triplets, they are only five." His eyes cloud with tears as his face contours in anger as he watches the news. "Does the government care? No. Does food stamps care? No, why? Because she makes too much money. I call bullshit." Anger laced his voice like nails in a bat, swinging wildly around the body.

A creak catches their attention, a small lad stands in the kitchen. His head moving quickly as if he is looking for something. "Hey, Minho." Woojun's voice breaks the silence as he stands up, "Looking for the garage key?" His fatherly voice spreads through the air as he picks up the small kid and picks up a key from the counter. "Yeah! Mom needs some food!" He says excitedly as he sets down on the floor and even the key, "Thank you, uncle Woo!" He unlocks the garage and turns the light on as he pulls out the list from his pocket. "Tell me what you are looking for?" Woojun asks as he follows the lad, "I need pickles and mayo." He said quickly as he heads off towards the further shelves. The older man opens up the cabinet and picking up a jar of mayonnaise, placing it in a box.

A gasp and a thud made Woojun look up, a mason jar of pickles roll on the ground as Minho look pass him with wide eyes. Turning around after picking up the jar, a chuckle leaves him as he sees Irina standing in the threshold and fidgeting. "Who is she? She looks so cool!" The kid practically shouts as he runs over to the foreign being, "Hi! My name is Minho!" He greets as she smiles at the kid. "Hello, Minho. I am Irina and you are adorable." She replies and lends down to pick him up. Her skin felt silky against his soft palms as he plays with her fingers, "Is this your wife?" Minho asks as he turns to touch her hair. Her hair was soft like fur, vivid in color like a flower. "No. no," Woojun replies quickly as the woman giggles as he fumbles for his words. "She is just my friend." He replies as the child looks at him with a face he couldn't explain, he felt he chosen the wrong words.

"Well, when I get older I will be your husband." The child states with confidence, buffing out his chest as he was set down on the ground. Irina bursts out laughing as she lends against the doorframe, "Oh you are too cute." She coos as she hugs the little boy. She lets him go as he finishes up getting what he needs as Woojun stood there with a contoured look she couldn't understand, "What is it?" She asks as she helps the boy place the box in his wagon and waves goodbye to him. "He assumed immediately you were my wife than immediately thinks he would be able to marry you. I don't think he understands he might never see you again, I don't even know when I will see you again if this isn't the last time." Woojun explains as he shuts the kitchen door and heads back to the living room where the muted television plays.

"I don't even know how I got here, let alone how to get back home." She explains as she sits next to him, "The last thing that happened was I was walking than I was in your kitchen, I don't know if I did it or if I made a wrong step." She frowns as she watches the man think, "So this wasn't on purpose, like at all?" He asks in a soft voice. "No, it isn't." She whispers as she watches his shoulders slump, "What is wrong?" She asks as she carefully rests a hand on his shoulder. "I thought just maybe you were here to help us, to show us what we are doing wrong." His voice strains as tears gather again as he leans back on the couch. "I thought maybe just maybe that something did hear me and gave me you. To help these families." He looks over at her, tears falling down his cheeks.

Her heart aches as she starts to wipe his tears away, "These kids, their families. I can't do this alone. There is so much they need, I don't know what to do." He mutters as he looks at the television. The president trying to control the disruption that was caused, the crowd being showed seeing they are angry. "Prices have gotten too high, everything is becoming too much and I am trying as much as I can but I feel as if I am doing nothing." He sighs as he turns the sound on the device on low. "So much chaos but even with so much chaos, you are doing something." She replies as she watches the man lends his arms against his knees, "Am I?" He asks as silence feels the room as the television speaks about upcoming struggles for kids and females.

∆ END ∆

¶ @queenqk

[that-terrible-writer]

Everybody Knows

Such a tiny gif, but I couldn’t find any bigger ones that worked. Again, found on Google; so credit to who it’s due to.

I know I said I would post two other stories prior to this one but I just had to write this out. I’ve been having a shit month, now going through immigration bullshit that I haven’t had time to write. I’m sorry for those who follow me. It’s just been hard due to money problems, tax shit and the many trips I have to make to immigration. So as a way to say sorry, here is a 4.5k part three to Ray.

Ray Palmer x Reader

Part 3

Part 1 2

Warning: Not as much as an asshole as I wanted to be.

“Everybody knows is so good, my heart and feelings”

“It’s okay. I didn’t need a heart anyway. What is do need is a part 3.”

You had been arguing with Harry for over an hour, going nowhere in the disagreement. You mentioned him that you wanted to go on at least one mission with the Legends, to see if you would enjoy it as much as your alternate self did. Harry was obvious why he was against your decision, and that was due to one person: Ray Palmer.

"I'm going, Wells, and that's final!" You yelled, narrowing your eyes at your boyfriend. You continued to pack your bag, placing in some prototypes that you had been working on, but Harry was quick to snatch your bag away. You leaned forward on the metal table, having your arms bent that you were peering underneath Wells, sneering at him, "It's not my fault that you're insecure about Palmer!"

"I'm insecure?" Harry laughed, placing his hands on his chest; offended with your statement. He walked away from you for a second, to try and control his emotions but it was just something he could let slip by, "You dated Palmer! I have every right to be against the idea of you traveling with him!"

"My alternate self dated him! I didn't!" You defended. You moved away from the table, walking around it to get to Harry, "You just don't trust me then." That was something you shouldn't have said. The moment that sentence left your mouth, Harry was quick with his counter.

"Explain what I saw at Jitters then," He reminded you, crossing his arms, just staring dead straight at you. You swallowed hard, your heart sinking as you recalled the look on Harry's face when he had interrupted you and Palmer. You knew that if Harry hadn't had stepped in, you would have kissed Palmer and not have a second thought about it. You pressed your lips into a thin line, remaining silent; Harry knew what your silence meant. He turned away from you, giving out a heavy sigh, "Y/N, I trust you. It's clear that Palmer is unquestionably still in love with you."

"I have it handle," You muttered, reaching to grab your bag to return to packing some more weapons, "I want to know what it's like to be part of the Legends." You confessed, shrugging your shoulders.

"You're part of Team Flash," Harry weakly got out. You turned, your eyebrows scrunched low with your mouth partly ajar. It felt like a knife had stabbed your heart. Harry returned his gaze to look at you, covering his mouth to try and hold back by saying anything else.

"I'm not betraying the team, Harry!" You threw your bag to the ground. You stuck out your finger, poking Harry in his chest: continuing the fight. It would have been another lover's quarrel if only if it was between the two of you. In the other room, the control room of Team Flash, stood both teams trying their best not to listen in.

"Couldn't they just go have this fight at their place?" Mick grumbled, taking a sip out of his beer. His eyes quickly caught the expression Ray was wearing, who was looking out towards the doorway, "How are you holding up, haircut?" Ray turned to look at his teammate; surprised at the concern that Mick was giving him.

"Oh," Ray softly said, being caught off guard, "I'm good, great one might say." Mick thought that was Ray's real answer, turning away to head out the room to grab another drink. Ray let out a defeated sigh, grabbing his team's and Team Flash's attention, "You saw right through me. I'm not doing great at all."

Ray saw everyone's look of worry towards him, making him feel a little uncomfortable. Ray rubbed his arm, trying to relax his nerves but his eyes would go straight back to the doorway when he would hear your voice. "Will you be ok if Y/N doesn't join us again?" Jackson asked.

Without looking at his team, without giving it a second thought, "She's coming," Ray answered, his voice was louder and stronger than his statements before. Ray turned to see everyone surprised at Ray's confident answer. Ray lifted his eyebrows, shocked that no one thought the same, "If she's anything like the Y/N I know when she sets his mind on something; she's locking it in."

"He's not wrong," Wally finally chimed into the discussion. Ray's ears perked the moment someone finally sided with him, "In the original timeline, I was a speedster, but when Barry created Flashpoint, I lost my powers."

"But you are a speedster," Mick pointed out the obvious.

"That was my point," Wally answered, a bit annoyed at Mick's outburst. Wally walked towards Ray, his hand out as he was eager to lift the Atom's spirit, "I got my powers back, so maybe it means that you can get the original Y/N, your Y/N, back." Wally's testimony changed Ray's entire mood, hell, his whole feeling towards Flashpoint. That there was that chance of hope, not even a slim one, to get you back. A weight lifted off of his chest, making him feel lighter than air, having that sense of home returning to him.

"You're creeping us out here, buddy," Nate mumbled, snapping Ray out of his dream-like state.

Sara took a few steps forward, placing her hand on Ray's shoulder, "I know you want the original Y/N to return, we all do," Sara said, "but we can't force it."

"What do you mean?" Ray questioned. He looked across the room to get answers from someone he respected. Dr. Stein fixed his glasses before giving his input on the matter.

"I think what Ms. Lance is saying is that we must treat Y/N as if she had amnesia. We cannot tell her things that had happened in our timeline because we do not know what the outcome will be." Martin explained trying to put the situation in a better light.

Ray's heart fell to the floor. He didn't know how long he would be able to hold himself off. Having you travel with the Legends would just bring back his memories of you; memories that only he would remember. His attention was drawn to the door to see you enter with a bag hanging off your shoulder. You were muttering under your breath still cursing at Harry, who stayed in the other room. Ray's eyes lit up the moment he saw you, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. Your gaze met Ray's, seeing his smile towards you and you couldn't help but share the same expression. You quickly shook your head, realizing that others were around the two of you, snapping you out of your daze.

"Hey, you guys," You shuttered, your eyes flickering to each person that stood in front of you. The look of concern that they had shared made you realized that your argument with Wells was anything but private. You spun on your heel, facing the captain of the Wave Rider, puffing out your chest, "I wanted to know if it would be alright if I join the Legends for a mission or what not."

Everyone's eyes flickered towards Palmer, whose smile grew even wider only because he was right. When it came to you: he would always be right. Sara brought back her attention to you; a smirk plastered across her face, "How can I say no when it's you, Y/L/N?"

Ray was the one that volunteered to show you around the Wave Rider. Sara saw it as harmless, knowing that Gideon was there to watch over everything that would happen. You entered the last room, a bedroom, which you concluded was his.

"This is our―my room," Ray caught his slip up, looking over to seeing you staring at him due to his mistake. A tint of pink appeared on his cheeks. He felt his palms getting sweaty, rubbing them on his pants to have them dry but he continued to be embarrassed as you looked at him as if he was brand new. He realized that there was only one bed in the room which caused him to act even more nervous. "Uh, the bed..." He pointed out, driving your gaze to the only bed in the room: a queen size one.

"Oh," You softly let out, the same color he wore came to your cheeks, "I can sleep somewhere else. I think I saw a couch in the dining area." Ray waved his hand in front of you, making you stop your proposal: rejecting the very idea.

"I would never let you sleep on a couch, Y/N," Ray explained. His confession caused your cheeks to burn even more, intensifying the color to a darker shade of red. You tried to cover your face to hide your reaction; he noticed your reactions causing him to smile at you, once again. "I'll just go bunk with Mick. You can stay here." Before you could object, Ray lifted his finger to silence you, "I insist." Ray grabbed a few of his belongs before leaving you alone in the room.

You walked around having your curiosity come over you. You knew that it was wrong to peering into someone else's belongings, but you wanted to know more about Ray Palmer. There were photos scattered around the room: on the bookshelf, the nightstand, and the dresser. You picked one of the pictures up, scanning it to see it was of you and Ray dressed in Western clothes. You were attached to his arm, leaning your head against him with a big smile on your face.

You had picked up another, now dressed in what had to be 50's outfits; Ray dressed as a prep and you in a poodle skirt. The image looked like it was for the cover of the Saturday Evening Post. The two of you sat at a diner counter, sharing a milkshake while nothing but pure bliss beamed from both your faces. You kept going through each photo seeing the same thing over and over: different clothes but still the same two people in love. Your heart grew heavy the more that you continued at each photograph, continually thinking about Ray and what he had to be feeling.

Your relationship with him had to be perfect, ideal one would say. Having him lose it for no reason at all had to be tough. Your snooping didn't stop at the photos; you just had to know more about him. You needed to figure out why you would have fallen in love with someone like him, what did Ray Palmer do that captured your heart?

You lifted some of the papers that were piling up on an object. When you moved them to the side, it revealed a small black, velvet box. Your eyes widened at sight. Your hand was slowly hovering over the box to open it, seeing a beautiful engagement ring sitting inside.

Ray Palmer lost everything he had with you.

The sounds of footsteps in the distanced had startled you, causing you to frantically shut the box to cover it back up in the papers that hid it once before. You tried to make sure that the room looked the same way as it was when you had first entered it; just in case it was the heartbroken made that was coming to see you. You turned to the doorway to just see Sara looking at you, amused by your expression of pure fear.

"You can relax, I'm not lover boy," She chuckled, walking into the room. Sara looked over seeing the photos across the room, having her sigh, "Hopefully those didn't scare you."

You lightly shook your head, joining Sara by the bedside, "Strangely enough, they didn't." Sara perked up, hearing your words. She crossed her arms, tilting her head to have her undivided attention on you, "You think it would, but it gives me this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach." That feeling quickly disappeared when you immediately thought of the ring causing a wave of guilt to wash over you.

Sara took your silence as a sign of you being conflicted with the situation you had. It was your decision at the end of the day; wheater staying with Team Flash or for you to come home to the Legends, even if many were against the second choice. "Come on; we need to go talk with the team on deciding where to go," Sara announced, getting off the bed.

"Go?" You questioned, quickly following her behind, "You don't have a mission?"

"For once, no," Sara laughed. She motioned you out the door, guiding you down the hall, back to the control room. Before entering, Sara stopped at the entrance, giving you a little pep talk, "Don't be nervous about being with us. We all like you, minus you calling us 'goons.'"

"Yeah, sorry about that," You muttered, rubbing the back of your neck. You pulled on Sara's arm, refraining her from entering to have her opinion on something important, "Sara," You hesitated, knowing that she was going to one-sided on the question, but you still had to ask, "Was I happier with Ray than I am with Harry?"

Sara pressed her lips together, making a humming noise to avoid saying the wrong thing. When she looked into your eyes, she saw a helpless person just wanting to know some ounce of the truth. "Look," She sighed, "I don't know your entire relationship with Wells so I can't nor should I give you an answer." Before she opened the door, she shook her finger at you, remembering something, "But you and Ray? You two never fought if that helps you."

You both finally entered the control room, seeing the rest of the team gathered. Your eyes went straight to Ray's acting like they were on autopilot. Ray's smile that seemed never to leave his face, one that would appear every time he looked at you had grown. He tried to take a few steps to stand by you but was held back by Nate.

"You can't force it," Nate hushed at Palmer, "If it's meant to be, it will happen, but you shouldn't have high hopes." With Nate's exchange of words caused Ray to take a deep breath, trying to mask over the sadness that had rushed through him. He didn't want to think about a future that you weren't in. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was, you taking care of the Wave Rider and he was fine with starting all over with you: falling back in love.

"We have a day off," Sara announced to her team, a sign of concern swept each of the Legend's faces.

"Wait, you're serious?" Jackson chuckled, his mood quickly shifting, "What does that mean for us?"

"It means, we can relax for once and take a trip to anywhere and anytime," Sara continued, she had that sly smile appear, "We can't change history or leak anything that happens in the future, but it doesn't mean we can't have fun with it."

"Bermuda," Mick suggested, bringing the bottle of beer to his lips and continuing with his suggestion, "2018."

"Why is that your choice every single time?" Amaya asked.

"Beach. Booze. Women." Mick had listed. He glanced over at Ray, taking another sip of his drink, "Unless you have a better place in mind." Mick was signaling for Ray to speak but it caused an uproar of the Legends trying to figure out where to go. You stood there confused, looking at each member to try and figure out which place sounded the most appealing. None so far.

"New Orleans. 1826." Until that location came into play. Your ears perked, eyebrows raised and your mouth opened slightly. You figured out that it was Ray's voice that chose that specific location, instantly when he said the place of interest. Ray tried to keep his eye contact on Sara but couldn't help but notice at the corner of his eyes how excited you had become.

"New Orleans?" Sara repeated, confused on the odd location coming from Palmer.

"Party central, I dig it." Mick seconded it, lifting his bottle to show.

"Dude, why Ne―" Nate couldn't finish his sentence due to your excitement couldn't be contained any longer.

"Yes!" You yelled causing the entire team to jump from your sudden outburst: all but Ray. A smile grew, wider and wider by the second, rushing over to Ray to grab ahold of his arm. Ray looked down at you, seeing pure happiness pouring out of your, making his warmth return to him, "That's what I would say!" You told him.

You could hear a few disgruntle noises coming from the team, but you turned to them to defend the choice Ray had suggested. "Come on! 1826 was the rise of the Voodoo Queen, herself, Marie Laveau! Plus you have such a rich culture coming out of New Orleans: the birth of jazz, the French cuisine, all the dancing and just voodoo in general!" You kept rambling about New Orleans, trying to plead the case on going there.

"Is it bad if I want something bad to happen in New Orleans during the 1820's so that we have to go there?" You asked Ray, finishing getting ready for bed to walk over to join him in bed. Ray placed down his gadget that he was toying with, giving you his full attention. He raised his eyebrow, a smile coming across his face, waiting for you to continue. You got yourself comfortable with him, leaning up against Ray's side, hooking your leg over his, "The rise of voodoo, come on! Now when you go there, it's all fake but to see it on the rise; when the queen herself is starting her career! Plus you have the music, food, and culture." You sighed, nuzzling your head in his arm, having a small smile appear, "It just sounds so exciting."

You felt Ray chuckle. He found it adorable how passionate you got for specific time eras. He placed his toy on the nightstand, to be able to put his hand on your cheek. You stared up at him, enjoying his touch on you, "Who knows, maybe when we have a day off, we can convince Sara to take the team there." Ray assured you.

"Yeah, like we're ever going to get one of those." You laughed, but Ray silenced you by capturing your lips with his.

Ray's smile grew just thinking about that memory. The same amount of passion you had then was still with you now. Ray decided then that he wouldn't let his team choose what was right for him. That small action showed that the original you were still in there. Exactly how Wally explained. You needed a reminder of who you were. A trip on the Wave Rider may have triggered a small part of it, but he couldn't help but imagine what a date with him would do for you.

"Alright, New Orleans it is!" Sara declared, heading over to her seat. You clapped your hands, rejoicing that she agreed. You turned to Ray, shaking his arm, still overwhelmed you were going to see a place you thought you would never go to in your life. The simple touch that you gave him had that spark; the same spark that he always got when you would either brush up against him, touch his hand or laugh against his arm when you were together. Your fingers lingered, playing with the end of Ray's sleeve, taking a moment to yourself. You caught yourself with the interaction, suddenly pulling your hand away from him.

"S―sorry," You stuttered, looking away from the tall, handsome man. You felt your cheeks burn and your heart quickening. You fiddled with your fingers, trying to collect the right words to say to him. Ray found it cute that you were getting all flustered over him. It was shown due to his pink cheeks and smile that he was giving you. "Great choice," You managed to say, glancing up at him with a small smile.

"Are we going or what?" Mick yelled, already in his seat. You turned on your heel to join him. Ray was going to join you, but Dr. Stein and Nate stopped him: troubled by the Atom's action.

"What the hell was that?" Nate harshly asked his friend, grabbing hold of Ray's arm to prevent him from walking away.

"What?" Ray asked, trying to play the fool.

"New Orleans?" Nate couldn't help but chuckle a little, soon dropping the act shortly, "You never been interested in New Orleans. That was for Y/N, wasn't it?"

"Dr. Palmer, I thought we were clear that we cannot force any memories with Ms. Y/L/N," Martin reminded the lovesick fool.

"I just suggested a place," Ray defended, his eyes shifting over to see you talking to Mick, mumbling under his breath, "Maybe she mentioned it once." Nate let out a heavy groan, shaking his head in disapproval. Ray looked back at his teammates, pushing his eyebrows down, "Nothing happened! She's fine plus she got just as excited as she did when she mentioned it to me the first time!"

"That may be so, Dr. Palmer, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way with every little thing Ms. Y/L/N does," Dr. Stein explained, "We just don't want you to get your hopes high."

"And she already is with someone, remember, Wells," Nate warned Ray, letting his grip on the Atom go. Ray's sadness returned. You finally made eye contact with Ray, seeing that depression he wore. It hurt you seeing him in that state, and you knew it was due to his conversation he was having with Stein and Heywood.

"Ray!" You called out to him, grabbing his attention. You stretched out your hand, smiling towards him, "We can't go if you're still standing!" Ray was pulled back by Nate, having him whispered one last thing to Ray. Ray kept his gaze on you, no sign of happiness coming from him at all. You felt your heart grow heavy, matching his exact mood as if your hearts were one. You wiggled your fingers, raising your eyebrows, "C'mon!" You mumbled, a pout to match your sad tone.

Ray took in a deep breath, pushing his nagging teammates aside to join the seat next to yours. You tilted your head, still worried about his being, "Everything ok?" you asked. Ray nodded, lowering his handles before he returned his awareness to you.

"Yeah," He weakly got out. Your whole view on Ray changed after your talk at Jitters. It felt like his team didn't understand the pain and confusion that he was dealing with: he honestly felt alone. You reached over, grabbing his hand in yours to taking in everything he had. You played with his fingers for a bit before lacing yours with his. Even though his hands were twice the size of yours, they felt perfect when molded into one. You could feel the warmth that he was giving off that made you feel calm and flustered at the same time.

Ray took the time to study you while you were busy playing with his hand. He gave the holding a squeeze, his heart pounding against his chest; feeling sick to his stomach. Ray tried his best not to be bothered by the exchange of words that Nate and Martin decided to share. He didn't want to think about you not returning to him. That after this trip, you were undoubtedly going back to Team Flash and live your life with Wells: not giving the Legends or him a second thought. That was what broke Ray's heart the most.

"Ray," You softly called out, shaking your joined hands, breaking Ray out of his dark thoughts. His eyes went straight to yours, he could barely keep his eyes locked onto yours, "Is it scary?" You asked. Ray was confused on what you were referring. Scared about the future or, "Jumping through time." You added, having Ray sigh a bit. He gave you a weak smile, squeezing your hand once more.

"Not at all. Don't worry; I'll be here," Ray promised you.

You felt a knot form in your stomach, your breath hitching in the back of your throat and your eyes widened.

"Are you sure this thing is stable?" You asked Rip, the Wave rider shaking just by going off the ground, "Seems like you didn't do a good job maintaining it."

"I know my ship better than anyone, Ms. Y/L/N, thank you very much." Rip muttered. The ship shook violently, causing you to grip the handles harder. You saw a hand appear at the corner of your eye. You turned your head to see that the hand belonged to none other than Ray Palmer. He had a smile on his face, still having his hand out towards you.

"Wanna hold hands?" He offered. You couldn't help but laugh at his simple suggestion. The next tremble the ship had, you clutched Ray's hand, and the instant touch had relaxed you. You glanced over at Palmer, his smile not leaving him, "Don't worry; I'll be here."

"Y/N?" You heard your name softly called out. Your breath got a little shaky not even realizing it. You looked around the room to see every pair of eyes on you. You felt your hand shake a little, causing you to glimpse over at Ray; who looked the most worried. "Are you ok?" He asked. You heard his voice waver a little, showing his sign of worry.

You lightly nodded, clutching his hand, "Yeah, just a little scared of flying," You lied, hoping that the Legends would buy it. The memory that you just experienced was so vivid. It was something that you couldn't have dreamt up. You readjusted your fingers, trying to bring Ray's hand closer: if that was possible. The knot in your stomach didn't disappear but grew in size each time you kept replaying the scene in your head. Each time it played, the unknown feeling that you had for Palmer also grew.

You quickly glanced over at Ray, who was whispering to Nate. The feelings came back the moment you stared at his face: your cheeks flushing, butterflies forming in the pit of your stomach and you could feel your palms getting sweaty. You tried to pull your hand away, not wanting Ray to notice how nervous you were becoming, but he didn't budge. He had your hand locked on to his, not wanting to be separated again.

The feeling that was building inside you, the warmth that was taking over your body that was increasing for Ray. Was this the love you had for him that Flashpoint had taken away from you?

Tagged: @mad-doctor-mew @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @inspiredbynewt @writing-multifandom @thecraziestcrayon @x-goddess-of-nature-x 

[punkscowardschampions]

Fraze & Ali

Fraze being a real cunt

Fraze: Sort it out for fuck's sake. Ali joined the chat 101 minutes ago Ali: Nah, youse the ones having to deal with her, so I shan't Fraze: Yeah I am so stop being a twat. Fraze: Or stay round Caleb's and really do ma in. Ali: 😂🖕  Unlucky Ali: And I am, I'll drop the kids round at some point so youse can see them but I've got shit to do so I won't be staying Fraze: Big of you. Fair dues though throwing a tantrum can be an all dayer when you're such a brat. Ali: Boo hoo, you're the one crying to me 'cos you can't stomach her for five seconds Ali: Give a shit, Fraze, this doesn't involve you Fraze: I was trying to appeal to you 'cause it's Christmas and dad wants you there but fuck off then. Ali: That's the spirit Ali: Why would I wanna be there? I'll see dad, and everyone else who isn't being mad cunty, in my own time Ali: I've got no need to commit to another day of this shite Fraze: Keep being a selfish cunt it's not like I want you there after you threw me under the bus calling me one of ma's failures Ali: Yeah? Glad I won't be missed then, no hurt feelings all round Ali: And go to ma for comfort, she'll happily tell you the truth will set you free on that score Fraze: I'm not the one whose proper hurt. She is. You don't give a shit but the rest of us do. Do me a favor and gimme a time you're coming so I can be out. Ali: Well she ain't the only one but the only one that matters, right? Ali: Then console her with how much of a success you are, console yourself whilst you're at it Fraze: Fuck you. You're such a spoiled bitch. You're hurt 'cause what she told you to man up and tell Ro Drew's a cheating scumbag woe's you Fraze: Just 'cause you feel guilty no need to make ma feel it worse Ali: I'm not the one crying 'cos I've not got my way here Ali: Its hilarious you believe everything she tells you 'cos that ain't the conversation I had with her Ali: Like she needs any help with her guilt complex Fraze: Aren't you? Ruining christmas 'cause you didn' t get your way for once ain't no better. Fraze: I'm surprised you wanna bother bringing your kids around if she's such a shit mum Ali: Who's ruining anything? She doesn't want me there, you don't, like I said, I'll make the effort to see the people who want to see me too Ali: Well I'm all for second chances, even if she thinks they're bullshit Fraze: Act like it then. Give her one. Ali: I am. Ali: She hasn't taken it yet Fraze: You haven't offered it. All you've done is avoided her Ali: That's how you see it. You don't live here, don't act like you're involved in this family any more. She sees me multiple times a week, she's had ample opportunity, I'm not the one hiding Fraze: Neither do you. Until Caleb upsets you and you come running back. You see her too. Why's it all on her? Ali: Grow up. Ali: I'll make myself and my children homeless, shall I? Ali: Not all of us bum the moral high ground as much as you, you moron Ali: Because its never on her Ali: She needs to learn to apologize when she's the one in the wrong, its not hard Fraze: You're the idiot that needs to grow up. Fraze: If its so easy do it Fraze: You can't even own the shit you said Fraze: Except her to kiss your feet though don't ya? Fraze: Hypocrite Ali: No, because I'm NOT in the wrong Ali: Keep up Ali: I know what I said Ali: and I haven't felt the need to be telling tales on what she said Ali: which is evidently all she's been doing so yeah, I'm good pal Fraze: Fuck you. She didn't rat you out, princess I overheard her telling dad why he's precious fave wouldn't be at the table Ali: Then you shouldn't be so nosy, should you Fraze: Yeah its all my bad. None of yours. Get a fucking clue. Ali: What's this got to do with you? Fraze: Oh fuck all except I wanted a nice family Christmas for my kids like we used to have Fraze: I'm the selfish one of course Ali: You aren't going to find it here Ali: you're not a child, any more, it isn't going to be that fantasy you've got in your head Ali: if you wanted that, take 'em to disney world Fraze: Cheers for the ma impression while she's radio silent Fraze: But don't speak on my childhood or how I raise my kids again 'cause you know less than nothing about either Ali: Please, you're 4 years older than me, don't act like I wasn't there Ali: You don't get to control the narrative Fraze: Why not you are Fraze: You don't get to tell me what's a fantasy Ali: Believe it if it makes you any happier Ali: evidently not Ali: it was what it was for all of us, we can all say how we found it but the stories aren't gonna add up and that'll create dissonance, hohum Ali: it doesn't matter either way Fraze: No it was what it was for you 3 and it was what it was for Joe, Bea and me Fraze: which matters to me Fraze: even if you're an ungrateful cunt these days Fraze: and apparently always were Ali: Yeah yeah yeah, and it was different for ma and da Ali: like I said, no one wants your war stories Ali: its different for us, you all agree, so stop pushing your bullshit onto us making us try to 'learn' from you Fraze: But it's fine for you to spout all your bullshit, yeah? One fucking rule for Ali Mckenna as per Ali: am I asking you to listen? Ali: I don't want to be talking to you, as per, you came screaming at me, like she did Fraze: Fuck off then I'm done Ali: ta ta dearest brother you're really good at this Ali: just like mummy Fraze: I ain't trying to be good to you I don't owe you shit Fraze: I was trying to help ma who I do Fraze: But forget it 'cause she's better off not talking to ya Ali: and I owe nothing to you, you can try and hold seniority over people for a while but don't act surprised when they tire of the lectures Ali: I sincerely hope so Ali: FYI, you're your own person, she'd like you to know that, according to her, you're NOTHING to do with her Fraze: FYI I already know that. I own up to my own shit good and bad. Fraze: If that's news to you suddenly too bad Ali: Hahahaha Ali: no, THAT is news to me Fraze: I thought you had shit to do Ali: Sick burn, some of us can multitask Fraze: Tell someone who gives a fuck Ali: Oh, you are VERY bad at appearing non-plussed Ali: your entire life experience should tell you that Ali: the only person you've got fooled is yourself Fraze: Thanks doctor fraud Fraze: throw that all seeing bullshit lens on yourself Ali: ??? Ali: You screaming at me for however the fuck long=me not WANTING to say sorry Ali: wowee, what a revelation Fraze: Just keep doing what you want. Please yourself like you always do Fraze: I won't see you later Ali: its only what our darling mother would want Ali: she's a bad person, don't you know Fraze: She thinks she is yeah. No thanks to you Fraze: really helping to change her mind ain't ya Ali: Sorry I'm such a disappointment, there you can have that one Ali: I mean it Fraze: Good you should be sorry too bad I ain't the one that wants to hear it Ali: you can tell her yourself Ali: it isn't my job to mother my own mother Ali: she wont give you a gold star but you can whack off to how smug you'll feel Fraze: Fuck you. I mean that. Ali: I don't care Ali: None of us love each other, its all falling apart Ali: I don't fucking care Fraze: You don't love us anymore now you've got your cosy set up that ain't the same thing Fraze: Good luck to you. Ali: Bullshit Ali: Joe's gone, Tommy left as soon as he feasibly could and he's only back 'cos he's got no other option Ali: You're busy pretending you're someone else Ali: and I won't be here soon either, so why delay the inevitable, it's all gone Ali: and I haven't got sod all 'cosy' literally what the hell do you know, all I've got is MY kids Ali: and they need me more than Tess ever did, I was surplus to requirements from the jump there Fraze: Some genius you are. You don't have a fucking clue. Joe's an addict, he's struggling. Tommy has been doing what he loves which meant he had to move. Also not about you sorry princess kitty kat. I'm trying to build a future same as you. It's hardly end of days. Fraze: Sorry you're not the centre of everyone's universe for one sec. Fraze: And everything ain't rosy all the damn time. Big deal. Ali: and why is he an addict? hmm? lets explore that shall we Ali: Bea's the only one building anything Ali: you're on her coattails Ali: its never been rosy that's my fucking point! Ali: and i'm sorry i've got sick of pretending its anything close to rn Ali: because it isn't and we all know it, aren't you all sick of pretending Fraze: That ain't for me or you to say. You'd have to ask him Fraze: You don't know shit about what I'm achieving or not you patronising twat Fraze: Nobody's asking for that except you and none of us are pretending either we're just making the best of what we've got which is apparently optional for you now you're over it Fraze: Life don't have to be exactly what you want for it to be worth a fucking damn Fraze: Stop acting like you're above us all and be with us Ali: Except I can't because he's gone. He's gone and you didn't give us a chance to say goodbye, no, I'll be as selfish as you want me to be, you didn't give ME a chance to say goodbye Ali: Oh yeah, my life is fucking peachy, I'm so great Ali: Everyone fucking hates me, is that the teen angst you want? Well whoop there it is. Everyone in this fucking town looks down their nose at me or outright abuses me on the daily, the kids I'm too young to have have a part-time dad and heaven forbid I act my age, my own family tell me to fuck off and die in a ditch, or tell me what an awful person I am Ali: there it is, yuk it up 'cos I don't know what else you want from me Ali: I have NOTHING to give, I'm so sorry I'm not worth my place in the tribe Fraze joined the chat 29 minutes ago Fraze: Put that and whatever else you gotta on me. It don't matter. I did what I did and I'd do it again. For him. Fraze: Boo fucking hoo. Deal with it. Nobody made those choices but you. Those kids don't need your sob story they need you to decide what the fuck you and Caleb are doing. Together or apart. Fraze: You don't get to act your age 'cause you're somebody's fucking ma now and its on you to let them be kids. Fraze: If you can't hack that you shouldn't of done it. Simple as. Fraze: As for the pity party you're having about us, nobody said anything like that. Calm down or keep projecting I don't care. Ali: Of course you would, no one matters but the sacred three. I know that, no need to remind me when you spend every waking day showing us exactly where we are in the pecking order Ali: This is a joke, what have I said to you, and mum, what is ALL I said Ali: we didn't need theirs, we didn't need yours Ali: but we got it Ali: and yet I'm nothing like my mother and my problems are NOTHING like hers Ali: I dare you to call her a spoilt bitch Ali: Wow, write a pamphlet. Ali: Read back what you've said, I'm not telling you what you said, you'll only say its bullshit. Just read it Ali: I just Ali: Never mind Fraze: You're a joke, Ali. Fraze: Your situation is nothing like ma's. You've had so much support all round. Like fuck are you working 4 jobs you're going to uni, you have multiple people willing to help with your kids and anything else at the drop of a hat Fraze: She had nothing but da. Fraze: I know what I said and didn't say. Spin it how you want just like with whatever mum said. Fraze: I'm not going in circles with you. Ali: That's all your doing Ali: our entire lives is one big circle revolving around them Ali: please tell me how hard she had it again Ali: as if that makes an iota of difference to my struggle Ali: so much support? Ali: I feel it Fraze: It should make a difference to your fucking behavior Fraze: but whatever I'm sick of this and if you can bail so can I Ali: Why? Ali: Why should it Fraze: It's called empathy brainiac Ali: No, it isn't Ali: that's the past, empathy is doing fuck all to change what it was Ali: you show empathy to the people who need it Ali: in the now Fraze: she does still need it in the now Ali: and i don't? Fraze: You get a shit ton of it Ali: WHERE Ali: I'm a joke, I'm a fuck up, I'm a cunt Ali: I'm not doing enough to help Ro Ali: I'm not doing enough for mum Ali: I'm a bad mother who shouldn't have had her kids Ali: there is nothing Ali: I'm not pulling this out of thin air, Fraze Fraze: You're pulling it out of your arse 'cause you wanna feel sorry for yourself and for everyone else to Fraze: You think I ain't been called shit. Made mistakes. We all have including mum Ali: Please do bring it back round to you and mum Ali: continue to prove my point Ali: call me crazy and tell me i'm making it all up Fraze: I didn't say that I said you're making a meal of it Fraze: build a bridge and get the fuck over it Fraze: talk to the people you gotta to change shit Fraze: Or just keep crying to me Fraze: what's that gonna do? Ali: Yeah, silly me for trying to get my own brother to care Ali: that's not how families are meant to work Fraze: I'm still here talking to you ain't I Fraze: you're the one not caring Ali: of course, what a cold bitch Fraze: You wish Ali: no i don't Ali: even if no one respects the fact that i have feelings that can get hurt just like the rest of you do Fraze: Again, literally nobody's ever said that Fraze: we're just trying to get you to tell ma your feelings are hurt Fraze: at least Ali: actions speak louder than words, even though your words HAVE been fucking horrible and you aren't convincing me otherwise Ali: she knows...she's the one who hurt them Fraze: and you hurt hers too Fraze: and Fraze: I don't know what else I can do here Fraze: this ain't even my fight as you said Ali: i know, i was the one who did it Ali: yeah a real impasse we find ourselves in Fraze: Do whatever it is you're gonna 'cause I can't multitask and I do actually have shit that needs doing despite what you think Ali: i was planning to