#so I cannot lose the game of games simply by understanding my endless ability to keep going/restarting/etc

[yther]

I am always gonna have That Bitch energy in my heart....

call me (W)underdog the way I Togo-a-gogo

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

In the economic sphere too, the ability to hold a hammer or press a button is becoming less valuable than before. In the past, there were many things only humans could do. But now robots and computers are catching up, and may soon outperform humans in most tasks. True, computers function very differently from humans, and it seems unlikely that computers will become humanlike any time soon. In particular, it doesn’t seem that computers are about to gain consciousness, and to start experiencing emotions and sensations. Over the last decades there has been an immense advance in computer intelligence, but there has been exactly zero advance in computer consciousness. As far as we know, computers in 2016 are no more conscious than their prototypes in the 1950s. However, we are on the brink of a momentous revolution. Humans are in danger of losing their value, because intelligence is decoupling from consciousness.

Until today, high intelligence always went hand in hand with a developed consciousness. Only conscious beings could perform tasks that required a lot of intelligence, such as playing chess, driving cars, diagnosing diseases or identifying terrorists. However, we are now developing new types of non-conscious intelligence that can perform such tasks far better than humans. For all these tasks are based on pattern recognition, and non-conscious algorithms may soon excel human consciousness in recognising patterns. This raises a novel question: which of the two is really important, intelligence or consciousness? As long as they went hand in hand, debating their relative value was just a pastime for philosophers. But in the twenty-first century, this is becoming an urgent political and economic issue. And it is sobering to realise that, at least for armies and corporations, the answer is straightforward: intelligence is mandatory but consciousness is optional.

Armies and corporations cannot function without intelligent agents, but they don’t need consciousness and subjective experiences. The conscious experiences of a flesh-and-blood taxi driver are infinitely richer than those of a self-driving car, which feels absolutely nothing. The taxi driver can enjoy music while navigating the busy streets of Seoul. His mind may expand in awe as he looks up at the stars and contemplates the mysteries of the universe. His eyes may fill with tears of joy when he sees his baby girl taking her very first step. But the system doesn’t need all that from a taxi driver. All it really wants is to bring passengers from point A to point B as quickly, safely and cheaply as possible. And the autonomous car will soon be able to do that far better than a human driver, even though it cannot enjoy music or be awestruck by the magic of existence.

Indeed, if we forbid humans to drive taxis and cars altogether, and give computer algorithms monopoly over traffic, we can then connect all vehicles to a single network, and thereby make car accidents virtually impossible. In August 2015, one of Google’s experimental self-driving cars had an accident. As it approached a crossing and detected pedestrians wishing to cross, it applied its brakes. A moment later it was hit from behind by a sedan whose careless human driver was perhaps contemplating the mysteries of the universe instead of watching the road. This could not have happened if both vehicles were steered by interlinked computers. The controlling algorithm would have known the position and intentions of every vehicle on the road, and would not have allowed two of its marionettes to collide. Such a system will save lots of time, money and human lives – but it will also do away with the human experience of driving a car and with tens of millions of human jobs.

Some economists predict that sooner or later, unenhanced humans will be completely useless. While robots and 3D printers replace workers in manual jobs such as manufacturing shirts, highly intelligent algorithms will do the same to white-collar occupations. Bank clerks and travel agents, who a short time ago were completely secure from automation, have become endangered species. How many travel agents do we need when we can use our smartphones to buy plane tickets from an algorithm?

Stock-exchange traders are also in danger. Most trade today is already being managed by computer algorithms, which can process in a second more data than a human can in a year, and that can react to the data much faster than a human can blink. On 23 April 2013, Syrian hackers broke into Associated Press’s official Twitter account. At 13:07 they tweeted that the White House had been attacked and President Obama was hurt. Trade algorithms that constantly monitor newsfeeds reacted in no time, and began selling stocks like mad. The Dow Jones went into free fall, and within sixty seconds lost 150 points, equivalent to a loss of $136 billion! At 13:10 Associated Press clarified that the tweet was a hoax. The algorithms reversed gear, and by 13:13 the Dow Jones had recuperated almost all the losses.

Three years previously, on 6 May 2010, the New York stock exchange underwent an even sharper shock. Within five minutes – from 14:42 to 14:47 – the Dow Jones dropped by 1,000 points, wiping out $1 trillion. It then bounced back, returning to its pre-crash level in a little over three minutes. That’s what happens when super-fast computer programs are in charge of our money. Experts have been trying ever since to understand what happened in this so-called ‘Flash Crash’. We know algorithms were to blame, but we are still not sure exactly what went wrong. Some traders in the USA have already filed lawsuits against algorithmic trading, arguing that it unfairly discriminates against human beings, who simply cannot react fast enough to compete. Quibbling whether this really constitutes a violation of rights might provide lots of work and lots of fees for lawyers.

And these lawyers won’t necessarily be human. Movies and TV series give the impression that lawyers spend their days in court shouting ‘Objection!’ and making impassioned speeches. Yet most run-of-the-mill lawyers spend their time going over endless files, looking for precedents, loopholes and tiny pieces of potentially relevant evidence. Some are busy trying to figure out what happened on the night John Doe got killed, or formulating a gargantuan business contract that will protect their client against every conceivable eventuality. What will be the fate of all these lawyers once sophisticated search algorithms can locate more precedents in a day than a human can in a lifetime, and once brain scans can reveal lies and deceptions at the press of a button? Even highly experienced lawyers and detectives cannot easily spot deceptions merely by observing people’s facial expressions and tone of voice. However, lying involves different brain areas to those used when we tell the truth. We’re not there yet, but it is conceivable that in the not too distant future fMRI scanners could function as almost infallible truth machines. Where will that leave millions of lawyers, judges, cops and detectives? They might need to go back to school and learn a new profession.

When they get in the classroom, however, they may well discover that the algorithms have got there first. Companies such as Mindojo are developing interactive algorithms that not only teach me maths, physics and history, but also simultaneously study me and get to know exactly who I am. Digital teachers will closely monitor every answer I give, and how long it took me to give it. Over time, they will discern my unique weaknesses as well as my strengths. They will identify what gets me excited, and what makes my eyelids droop. They could teach me thermodynamics or geometry in a way that suits my personality type, even if that particular way doesn’t suit 99 per cent of the other pupils. And these digital teachers will never lose their patience, never shout at me, and never go on strike. It is unclear, however, why on earth I would need to know thermodynamics or geometry in a world containing such intelligent computer programs.

Even doctors are fair game for the algorithms. The first and foremost task of most doctors is to diagnose diseases correctly, and then suggest the best available treatment. If I arrive at the clinic complaining about fever and diarrhoea, I might be suffering from food poisoning. Then again, the same symptoms might result from a stomach virus, cholera, dysentery, malaria, cancer or some unknown new disease. My doctor has only five minutes to make a correct diagnosis, because this is what my health insurance pays for. This allows for no more than a few questions and perhaps a quick medical examination. The doctor then cross-references this meagre information with my medical history, and with the vast world of human maladies. Alas, not even the most diligent doctor can remember all my previous ailments and check-ups. Similarly, no doctor can be familiar with every illness and drug, or read every new article published in every medical journal. To top it all, the doctor is sometimes tired or hungry or perhaps even sick, which affects her judgement. No wonder that doctors often err in their diagnoses, or recommend a less-than-optimal treatment.

Now consider IBM’s famous Watson – an artificial intelligence system that won the Jeopardy! television game show in 2011, beating human former champions. Watson is currently groomed to do more serious work, particularly in diagnosing diseases. An AI such as Watson has enormous potential advantages over human doctors. Firstly, an AI can hold in its databanks information about every known illness and medicine in history. It can then update these databanks every day, not only with the findings of new researches, but also with medical statistics gathered from every clinic and hospital in the world.

Secondly, Watson can be intimately familiar not only with my entire genome and my day-to-day medical history, but also with the genomes and medical histories of my parents, siblings, cousins, neighbours and friends. Watson will know instantly whether I visited a tropical country recently, whether I have recurring stomach infections, whether there have been cases of intestinal cancer in my family or whether people all over town are complaining this morning about diarrhoea.

Thirdly, Watson will never be tired, hungry or sick, and will have all the time in the world for me. I could sit comfortably on my sofa at home and answer hundreds of questions, telling Watson exactly how I feel. This is good news for most patients (except perhaps hypochondriacs). But if you enter medical school today in the expectation of still being a family doctor in twenty years, maybe you should think again. With such a Watson around, there is not much need for Sherlocks.

This threat hovers over the heads not only of general practitioners, but also of experts. Indeed, it might prove easier to replace doctors specialising in a relatively narrow field such as cancer diagnosis. For example, in a recent experiment a computer algorithm diagnosed correctly 90 per cent of lung cancer cases presented to it, while human doctors had a success rate of only 50 per cent. In fact, the future is already here. CT scans and mammography tests are routinely checked by specialised algorithms, which provide doctors with a second opinion, and sometimes detect tumours that the doctors missed.

A host of tough technical problems still prevent Watson and its ilk from replacing most doctors tomorrow morning. Yet these technical problems – however difficult – need only be solved once. The training of a human doctor is a complicated and expensive process that lasts years. When the process is complete, after ten years of studies and internships, all you get is one doctor. If you want two doctors, you have to repeat the entire process from scratch. In contrast, if and when you solve the technical problems hampering Watson, you will get not one, but an infinite number of doctors, available 24/7 in every corner of the world. So even if it costs $100 billion to make it work, in the long run it would be much cheaper than training human doctors.

And what’s true of doctors is doubly true of pharmacists. In 2011 a pharmacy opened in San Francisco manned by a single robot. When a human comes to the pharmacy, within seconds the robot receives all of the customer’s prescriptions, as well as detailed information about other medicines taken by them, and their suspected allergies. The robot makes sure the new prescriptions don’t combine adversely with any other medicine or allergy, and then provides the customer with the required drug. In its first year of operation the robotic pharmacist provided 2 million prescriptions, without making a single mistake. On average, flesh-and-blood pharmacists get wrong 1.7 per cent of prescriptions. In the United States alone this amounts to more than 50 million prescription errors every year!

Some people argue that even if an algorithm could outperform doctors and pharmacists in the technical aspects of their professions, it could never replace their human touch. If your CT indicates you have cancer, would you like to receive the news from a caring and empathetic human doctor, or from a machine? Well, how about receiving the news from a caring and empathetic machine that tailors its words to your personality type? Remember that organisms are algorithms, and Watson could detect your emotional state with the same accuracy that it detects your tumours.

This idea has already been implemented by some customer-services departments, such as those pioneered by the Chicago-based Mattersight Corporation. Mattersight publishes its wares with the following advert: ‘Have you ever spoken with someone and felt as though you just clicked? The magical feeling you get is the result of a personality connection. Mattersight creates that feeling every day, in call centers around the world.’ When you call customer services with a request or complaint, it usually takes a few seconds to route your call to a representative. In Mattersight systems, your call is routed by a clever algorithm. You first state the reason for your call. The algorithm listens to your request, analyses the words you have chosen and your tone of voice, and deduces not only your present emotional state but also your personality type – whether you are introverted, extroverted, rebellious or dependent. Based on this information, the algorithm links you to the representative that best matches your mood and personality. The algorithm knows whether you need an empathetic person to patiently listen to your complaints, or you prefer a no-nonsense rational type who will give you the quickest technical solution. A good match means both happier customers and less time and money wasted by the customer-services department.

The most important question in twenty-first-century economics may well be what to do with all the superfluous people. What will conscious humans do, once we have highly intelligent non-conscious algorithms that can do almost everything better?

Throughout history the job market was divided into three main sectors: agriculture, industry and services. Until about 1800, the vast majority of people worked in agriculture, and only a small minority worked in industry and services. During the Industrial Revolution people in developed countries left the fields and herds. Most began working in industry, but growing numbers also took up jobs in the services sector. In recent decades developed countries underwent another revolution, as industrial jobs vanished, whereas the services sector expanded. In 2010 only 2 per cent of Americans worked in agriculture, 20 per cent worked in industry, 78 per cent worked as teachers, doctors, webpage designers and so forth. When mindless algorithms are able to teach, diagnose and design better than humans, what will we do?

This is not an entirely new question. Ever since the Industrial Revolution erupted, people feared that mechanisation might cause mass unemployment. This never happened, because as old professions became obsolete, new professions evolved, and there was always something humans could do better than machines. Yet this is not a law of nature, and nothing guarantees it will continue to be like that in the future. Humans have two basic types of abilities: physical abilities and cognitive abilities. As long as machines competed with us merely in physical abilities, you could always find cognitive tasks that humans do better. So machines took over purely manual jobs, while humans focused on jobs requiring at least some cognitive skills. Yet what will happen once algorithms outperform us in remembering, analysing and recognising patterns?

The idea that humans will always have a unique ability beyond the reach of non-conscious algorithms is just wishful thinking. True, at present there are numerous things that organic algorithms do better than non-organic ones, and experts have repeatedly declared that something will ‘for ever’ remain beyond the reach of non-organic algorithms. But it turns out that ‘for ever’ often means no more than a decade or two. Until a short time ago, facial recognition was a favourite example of something which even babies accomplish easily but which escaped even the most powerful computers on earth. Today facial-recognition programs are able to recognise people far more efficiently and quickly than humans can. Police forces and intelligence services now use such programs to scan countless hours of video footage from surveillance cameras, tracking down suspects and criminals.

In the 1980s when people discussed the unique nature of humanity, they habitually used chess as primary proof of human superiority. They believed that computers would never beat humans at chess. On 10 February 1996, IBM’s Deep Blue defeated world chess champion Garry Kasparov, laying to rest that particular claim for human pre-eminence.

Deep Blue was given a head start by its creators, who preprogrammed it not only with the basic rules of chess, but also with detailed instructions regarding chess strategies. A new generation of AI uses machine learning to do even more remarkable and elegant things. In February 2015 a program developed by Google DeepMind learned by itself how to play forty-nine classic Atari games. One of the developers, Dr Demis Hassabis, explained that ‘the only information we gave the system was the raw pixels on the screen and the idea that it had to get a high score. And everything else it had to figure out by itself.’ The program managed to learn the rules of all the games it was presented with, from Pac-Man and Space Invaders to car racing and tennis games. It then played most of them as well as or better than humans, sometimes coming up with strategies that never occur to human players.

Computer algorithms have recently proven their worth in ball games, too. For many decades, baseball teams used the wisdom, experience and gut instincts of professional scouts and managers to pick players. The best players fetched millions of dollars, and naturally enough the rich teams got the cream of the market, whereas poorer teams had to settle for the scraps. In 2002 Billy Beane, the manager of the low-budget Oakland Athletics, decided to beat the system. He relied on an arcane computer algorithm developed by economists and computer geeks to create a winning team from players that human scouts overlooked or undervalued. The old-timers were incensed by Beane’s algorithm transgressing into the hallowed halls of baseball. They said that picking baseball players is an art, and that only humans with an intimate and long-standing experience of the game can master it. A computer program could never do it, because it could never decipher the secrets and the spirit of baseball.

They soon had to eat their baseball caps. Beane’s shoestring-budget algorithmic team ($44 million) not only held its own against baseball giants such as the New York Yankees ($125 million), but became the first team ever in American League baseball to win twenty consecutive games. Not that Beane and Oakland could enjoy their success for long. Soon enough, many other baseball teams adopted the same algorithmic approach, and since the Yankees and Red Sox could pay far more for both baseball players and computer software, low-budget teams such as the Oakland Athletics now had an even smaller chance of beating the system than before.

In 2004 Professor Frank Levy from MIT and Professor Richard Murnane from Harvard published a thorough research of the job market, listing those professions most likely to undergo automation. Truck drivers were given as an example of a job that could not possibly be automated in the foreseeable future. It is hard to imagine, they wrote, that algorithms could safely drive trucks on a busy road. A mere ten years later, Google and Tesla not only imagine this, but are actually making it happen.

In fact, as time goes by, it becomes easier and easier to replace humans with computer algorithms, not merely because the algorithms are getting smarter, but also because humans are professionalising. Ancient hunter-gatherers mastered a very wide variety of skills in order to survive, which is why it would be immensely difficult to design a robotic hunter-gatherer. Such a robot would have to know how to prepare spear points from flint stones, how to find edible mushrooms in a forest, how to use medicinal herbs to bandage a wound, how to track down a mammoth and how to coordinate a charge with a dozen other hunters. However, over the last few thousand years we humans have been specialising. A taxi driver or a cardiologist specialises in a much narrower niche than a hunter-gatherer, which makes it easier to replace them with AI.

Even the managers in charge of all these activities can be replaced. Thanks to its powerful algorithms, Uber can manage millions of taxi drivers with only a handful of humans. Most of the commands are given by the algorithms without any need of human supervision. In May 2014 Deep Knowledge Ventures – a Hong Kong venture-capital firm specialising in regenerative medicine – broke new ground by appointing an algorithm called VITAL to its board. VITAL makes investment recommendations by analysing huge amounts of data on the financial situation, clinical trials and intellectual property of prospective companies. Like the other five board members, the algorithm gets to vote on whether the firm makes an investment in a specific company or not.

Examining VITAL’s record so far, it seems that it has already picked up one managerial vice: nepotism. It has recommended investing in companies that grant algorithms more authority. With VITAL’s blessing, Deep Knowledge Ventures has recently invested in Silico Medicine, which develops computer-assisted methods for drug research, and in Pathway Pharmaceuticals, which employs a platform called OncoFinder to select and rate personalised cancer therapies.

As algorithms push humans out of the job market, wealth might become concentrated in the hands of the tiny elite that owns the all-powerful algorithms, creating unprecedented social inequality. Alternatively, the algorithms might not only manage businesses, but actually come to own them. At present, human law already recognises intersubjective entities like corporations and nations as ‘legal persons’. Though Toyota or Argentina has neither a body nor a mind, they are subject to international laws, they can own land and money, and they can sue and be sued in court. We might soon grant similar status to algorithms. An algorithm could then own a venture-capital fund without having to obey the wishes of any human master.

If the algorithm makes the right decisions, it could accumulate a fortune, which it could then invest as it sees fit, perhaps buying your house and becoming your landlord. If you infringe on the algorithm’s legal rights – say, by not paying rent – the algorithm could hire lawyers and sue you in court. If such algorithms consistently outperform human fund managers, we might end up with an algorithmic upper class owning most of our planet. This may sound impossible, but before dismissing the idea, remember that most of our planet is already legally owned by non-human inter-subjective entities, namely nations and corporations. Indeed, 5,000 years ago much of Sumer was owned by imaginary gods such as Enki and Inanna. If gods can possess land and employ people, why not algorithms?

So what will people do? Art is often said to provide us with our ultimate (and uniquely human) sanctuary. In a world where computers replace doctors, drivers, teachers and even landlords, everyone would become an artist. Yet it is hard to see why artistic creation will be safe from the algorithms. Why are we so sure computers will be unable to better us in the composition of music? According to the life sciences, art is not the product of some enchanted spirit or metaphysical soul, but rather of organic algorithms recognising mathematical patterns. If so, there is no reason why non-organic algorithms couldn’t master it.

David Cope is a musicology professor at the University of California in Santa Cruz. He is also one of the more controversial figures in the world of classical music. Cope has written programs that compose concertos, chorales, symphonies and operas. His first creation was named EMI (Experiments in Musical Intelligence), which specialised in imitating the style of Johann Sebastian Bach. It took seven years to create the program, but once the work was done, EMI composed 5,000 chorales à la Bach in a single day. Cope arranged a performance of a few select chorales in a music festival at Santa Cruz. Enthusiastic members of the audience praised the wonderful performance, and explained excitedly how the music touched their innermost being. They didn’t know it was composed by EMI rather than Bach, and when the truth was revealed, some reacted with glum silence, while others shouted in anger.

EMI continued to improve, and learned to imitate Beethoven, Chopin, Rachmaninov and Stravinsky. Cope got EMI a contract, and its first album – Classical Music Composed by Computer – sold surprisingly well. Publicity brought increasing hostility from classical-music buffs. Professor Steve Larson from the University of Oregon sent Cope a challenge for a musical showdown. Larson suggested that professional pianists play three pieces one after the other: one by Bach, one by EMI, and one by Larson himself. The audience would then be asked to vote who composed which piece. Larson was convinced people would easily tell the difference between soulful human compositions, and the lifeless artefact of a machine. Cope accepted the challenge. On the appointed date, hundreds of lecturers, students and music fans assembled in the University of Oregon’s concert hall. At the end of the performance, a vote was taken. The result? The audience thought that EMI’s piece was genuine Bach, that Bach’s piece was composed by Larson, and that Larson’s piece was produced by a computer.

Critics continued to argue that EMI’s music is technically excellent, but that it lacks something. It is too accurate. It has no depth. It has no soul. Yet when people heard EMI’s compositions without being informed of their provenance, they frequently praised them precisely for their soulfulness and emotional resonance.

Following EMI’s successes, Cope created newer and even more sophisticated programs. His crowning achievement was Annie. Whereas EMI composed music according to predetermined rules, Annie is based on machine learning. Its musical style constantly changes and develops in reaction to new inputs from the outside world. Cope has no idea what Annie is going to compose next. Indeed, Annie does not restrict itself to music composition but also explores other art forms such as haiku poetry. In 2011 Cope published Comes the Fiery Night: 2,000 Haiku by Man and Machine. Of the 2,000 haikus in the book, some are written by Annie, and the rest by organic poets. The book does not disclose which are which. If you think you can tell the difference between human creativity and machine output, you are welcome to test your claim.

In the nineteenth century the Industrial Revolution created a huge new class of urban proletariats, in the twenty-first century we might witness the creation of a new massive class: people devoid of any economic, political or even artistic value, who contribute nothing to the prosperity, power and glory of society.

In September 2013 two Oxford researchers, Carl Benedikt Frey and Michael A. Osborne, published ‘The Future of Employment’, in which they surveyed the likelihood of different professions being taken over by computer algorithms within the next twenty years. The algorithm developed by Frey and Osborne to do the calculations estimated that 47 per cent of US jobs are at high risk. For example, there is a 99 per cent probability that by 2033 human telemarketers and insurance underwriters will lose their jobs to algorithms. There is a 98 per cent probability that the same will happen to sports referees, 97 per cent that it will happen to cashiers and 96 per cent to chefs. Waiters – 94 per cent. Paralegal assistants – 94 per cent. Tour guides – 91 per cent. Bakers – 89 per cent. Bus drivers – 89 per cent. Construction labourers – 88 per cent. Veterinary assistants – 86 per cent. Security guards – 84 per cent. Sailors – 83 per cent. Bartenders – 77 per cent. Archivists – 76 per cent. Carpenters – 72 per cent. Lifeguards – 67 per cent. And so forth. There are of course some safe jobs. The likelihood that computer algorithms will displace archaeologists by 2033 is only 0.7 per cent, because their job requires highly sophisticated types of pattern recognition, and doesn’t produce huge profits. Hence it is improbable that corporations or government will make the necessary investment to automate archaeology within the next twenty years.

Of course, by 2033 many new professions are likely to appear, for example, virtual-world designers. But such professions will probably require much more creativity and flexibility than your run-of-the-mill job, and it is unclear whether forty-year-old cashiers or insurance agents will be able to reinvent themselves as virtual-world designers (just try to imagine a virtual world created by an insurance agent!). And even if they do so, the pace of progress is such that within another decade they might have to reinvent themselves yet again. After all, algorithms might well outperform humans in designing virtual worlds too. The crucial problem isn’t creating new jobs. The crucial problem is creating new jobs that humans perform better than algorithms.

- Yuval Noah Harari, The Great Decoupling in Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow

[two-are-the-trees]

31 Days of Poe Day 18: “Loss of Breath”

“Loss of Breath” is one of the strangest tales I have ever read, and that’s coming from someone who reviewed “The Devil in the Belfry” earlier this month. Like “The Devil in the Belfry” this one is a satirical story, although what it is satirizing exactly is anyone’s guess. There are many odd occurrences and nonsensical characters, so much so that it feels like anyone could be fair game for Poe’s critique. It’s complex, unexpected, and somehow both gruesome and humorous. Poe definitely provides a lot of details to unpack. 

The story begins with the narrator, Mr. Lackobreath, verbally abusing his wife when, suddenly, he finds that he has lost his breath; literally. He finds that he suddenly does not feel the need or have the ability to breathe, though he is able to go on living, and this lack of breath also affects his ability to speak. He is unable to figure out what has happened to him, but the strange changes to his body lead to horrifying misadventures, from passengers on a coach assuming he is dead to the police mistaking him for a criminal. All the while, his body is being mutilated in impossible ways and yet he miraculously continues to live through it all.

As I mentioned earlier, this story is filled with strange circumstances and strange characters. The main thing I’ve taken away from this tale is the complete incompetence of everyone. The narrator’s incompetence is quite obvious since he cannot speak and he also goes through stages of not being able to move. His unfortunate situations are only made worse, however, by the foolishness of those around him. The doctors who examine him cannot determine if he is alive or dead, while other characters simply think he is mad, and still others mistake him for a wanted criminal. It seems that everyone is lacking the ability to do anything useful in one way or another, which may be precisely what Poe is getting at. 

Another notable feature about the tale is the abundance of body horror, but it’s presented in a very comical way. The narrator’s various injuries and afflictions escalate from his loss of breath. His limbs are completely dislocated when he is stuffed into a crowded carriage, his neck is twisted, his legs are crushed by the carriage wheels, he is dissected by various doctors, his nose is mangled by stray cats, and so on and so on. The injuries are described in unnerving detail, but inexplicably, the narrator survives them all. Each incident only serves to exaggerate the inconveniences that the narrator is put in and make the reactions of the other characters even more ridiculous. 

Would I recommend “Loss of Breath”? Probably not to most people. It is a very weird story and it’s difficult to get into the tone of it right away. On top of that, it’s extremely unclear what the subjects of the satire actually are, so it can seem quite confusing. However, it is very interesting to read any of Poe’s satirical works, as they usually contain some of his darker elements but with a comedic intent. “Loss of Breath” is ridiculous, but it can also breed many potential theories with its vagueness and over-the-top plot. I’d be very interested to see what different people come up with.

For more analysis (which contains spoilers!!!) please read below the cut!

One of the most important features of the story is how everyone reacts to the narrator and his curious condition. No one has a normal or rational reaction; everyone behaves very obtusely, indicating that Poe is commenting on some kind of social issue. The question is though, what are all of these characters supposed to represent? I like to think that they merely symbolize society as a whole, but I think it gets really interesting when the doctor and the apothecary are involved. These two medical figures seem to represent the various medical practices going on at the time of Poe’s writing. They overlook many obvious signs that the narrator is still alive, such as his thrashing around, which they contribute to the animation of the limbs by a battery. They don’t perform necessary tests to see if he is indeed alive, like checking for his pulse, and they immediately begin to dissect and perform experiments on him, without knowing if he is alive or dead. This calls to mind the practice of vivisection, or live dissection, which was becoming a real controversial issue in the 19th century. These two incompetent doctors also remind readers of dubious medical practices of the time, such as the frequent misdiagnosis of various illnesses and the concoction of drugs that were not properly regulated. 

But what of the narrator himself? How did he lose his breath? Why does he keep getting into these deadly situations and surviving? What does it all mean? While I cannot fathom what Poe’s original intentions were, I did come to an interesting conclusion while reading. It all has to do with the loss of bodily autonomy. Throughout the story, the narrator essentially loses control over his own body and lacks the ability to speak up for himself. How this all begins is significant in understanding what it signifies. The narrator first loses his breath while abusing his wife, even putting his hand on her throat, making her lose her breath. It is this opening which firstly characterises the narrator as a cruel person who should be punished and simultaneously provides a parallel to what is about to happen that leads me to my own reading of the tale. “Loss of Breath” seems to metaphorically express the experience of women who feel as though they have lost control of their own bodies. 

We start the story with a woman losing control of herself. She is being choked and yelled at so much so that she cannot even speak up for herself. When the narrator loses his breath and begins this journey of misfortune, he is essentially paying for what he did to his wife by having to experience the lack of control that women must deal with in a patriarchal society. First he is crowded into a carriage, being squeezed in and overshadowed by individuals that take up more space, in the same way that women, especially in Poe’s time, were not in any way owners of the public sphere. The narrator is then left in the hands of doctors who invade his body and perform unsanctioned procedures on him, perhaps a mirror of the way in which women’s bodies are often violated by men. The doctors also do not take his symptoms into account in order to diagnose him properly, an experience far too many women are familiar with. Throughout the story, the narrator is also unable to speak up for himself because of his lack of breath, symbolizing the very common lack of voice or autonomy that women face when they are overpowered by men in their lives. 

I don’t think that this is what Poe intended when he wrote “Loss of Breath,” however I do know that he did like to write satire simply for satire’s sake, without clear targets in order to make the stories more accessible. So, reading the story with the view of the abuse of female bodies is a legitimate way to see the story, and one that I think ties the beginning in quite nicely with the rest of the narrative. But of course, the possibilities are endless!

So, what do y’all think? What do you think caused the narrator’s loss of breath? What subjects of satire do you see in the narrative? If you’d like to contribute, please comment on this post or send me an ask! You can also use the tag #31daysofpoe to write your own response post!

[sprite-guard]

Games for Gods and Patient Mortals - part 1

There is no easy way to write this post. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I have a lot of ideas, but they are too abstract, and depend on too many layers of arcane knowledge.

The core idea is simple enough: A game that can take any number of turns to play, and that could take any number of different directions.

This immediately raises two questions: Why? and How?

There’s a lot of theory and whimsy behind the answers to both of those questions. I’ll try to give a very high-level overview here, and then get into the weeds in later posts.

Why?

The easiest part of the answer is just that I’ve been fascinated by the infinite and the merely immense for a long time. Works of immense scope, like No Man’s Sky or The Wheel of Time, hold an inherent fascination to me on that merit alone. I’m also fascinated by the study of very large numbers and the study of infinity.

At a deeper level, there are really two questions here: “why make a game that can last billions of turns?” and “why make a game with infinitely many choices on each turn?” The second question is easier to answer, but the first is more interesting.

Why the long game?

I have this idea that I bang on about a bit: games should be inherently fun, not rewarding. If a game has wins or losses, the player’s enjoyment should not differ based on whether they win or lose. This is the heart of my aesthetic in both the games I enjoy and the games I make.

I used to be a big fan of abstract strategy games. Two players in competition, with no randomness, no hidden information, each using their understanding of the game to try to defeat the other. It’s a beautiful genre, but more and more I find myself shying away from competition, especially the whole winners-and-losers side of it.

I don’t like the idea that my delight comes at the cost of someone else’s disappointment. I don’t like that enjoyment is such a fragile thing. I don’t like that the last move of a game can so deeply color the entirety of the game up to that point.

So the ideal abstract strategy game, from that perspective, would be one that was enjoyable on every turn. If that were the case, players would rather put off their own victory than bring the game to a close.

Why the overwhelming infinity of choices?

It’s basically all down to romance. The sense of endless possibility, the dizzying excitement of a game that you simply cannot comprehend, neither in the long term nor in the moment. As mentioned above, immense scope is compelling to me in its own right. There’s a thrill to it.

Also there’s a humorous kind of spite to it. Many years ago (more than a decade, I think) I got in some arguments with people who had very strong opinions about abstract strategy designs. I definitely enjoy thinking about how much this whole concept would drive them bonkers.

In the next posts, I’ll go more into the how of it, with the ultimate goal of presenting a playable game with these constraints. Things will get very technical, and there is a lot of difficult math underlying how this is possible at all. To the best of my ability I will try to keep things accessible, but the best I can really hope for is to make this entertaining enough that you can just brush off the parts that don’t make sense.

[parsonsjessica1989]

How To Save A Rocky Marriage Unbelievable Useful Tips

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How Can I Prevent A Divorce

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Save Relationship Meaning

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Ensure that you are not magic or intuitive.This is the main cause of your logic mind.Once you have to sacrifice for you to the complaints of your life.Identifying the nature of your conflicting situations directly.Being apart from each other lovingly based on this but do not let them distract you; focus on communication skills and a lot of effort in the wrong advice can help you a secret weapon in their hearts.

[fulgadrome]

For an art trade with @goldenscribe / @iron-loaf

Summary: Shino fights both Torune and his mother during the Edo Tensei event, and it is incredibly traumatizing. 

Word Count: 2507

Shino Aburame prided himself on his adaptability. A ninja battlefield was a mad eruption of deadly, constantly shifting conditions even at the best of times. The abilities that shinobi could bring to bear were often strange and ubiquitously dangerous. One of his very best friends, a quiet and unassuming girl to the average observer, had a vision technique that could pierce solid matter and had a range that numbered in kilometers. Combined with a dexterity that boggled the mind, she and those of her family line used their kekkei genkai to attack the very chakra network of their enemies. The ease with which they could shut down their opponent’s bodies was, frankly, frightening.

And that was simply one jutsu, of an innumerable count. Shino was well aware that at any moment, even seemingly feeble opponents might pull a trump card and swing the flow of battle in their favor. It needn’t be something as dramatic as a flashy technique, either—there were hardened professionals who built their careers on nothing but the mastery of the basics, who nevertheless came out on top, despite deviating little from what might be considered “academy level”. In the right hands, a well-placed kunai was just as treacherous as a fireball. His was a volatile, unpredictable profession. Even the best laid plans must account for that fact.  

Shinobi that couldn’t adjust to the situation as required simply weren’t suited to the career. He believed this firmly, and without malice. Just as he believed that with his temperament and intellect, he was well-suited.

But this…

Only his reflexes were saving him now.

“Losing focus? I know I taught you better than that, Rolypoly,” the woman said, launching herself forward. He dodged backwards, out of her range, and found his back planted against a large outcropping of stone, nowhere to go. Sloppy.

His environmental awareness had taken a toll. No, that was inaccurate. He was devastated… on all fronts.

In an instant, his assailant was upon him. Her heel came down with a crack like lightening, and Shino substituted himself for an insect clone he’d placed at the start of the confrontation. The woman’s kick passed through the clone’s throat, and a black spatter of kikaichū erupted from his double’s wound. Even though it wasn’t really his body, the image was like something from out of a nightmare. The entire situation was.

“You cannot win if you do not even try, Shino. You must fight back.” She drew a knife from a pouch, and twirled it in her hand, just as he’d seen her do a thousand times. His heart seized. Once, when he was just four or five, Shino had gotten into her weapons pouch and accidentally cut himself trying to replicate that trick. Kintsugi, seeing how he had managed to gouge his foot, kept her weapons sealed away at all times from then on—and continued to do so, well past the point where such precautions were necessary, long into his academy years.

Such a foolish child he had been. Shino still had the scar.

“Eyes forward, now. You will beat this,” she said.

He wasn’t so certain.

On those long nights where he could do nothing but stare at the ceiling and stew in the memories of Kintsugi’s death, he tried to imagine her at peace. That his mother was happy and whole, in some distant place. It was a thought that brought him some modicum of comfort. But there was no sense in avoiding the reality of the situation. This really was his mother, resurrected by the foul crime against nature that was Edo Tensei. She should be at rest, not dragged into a war by a traitorous psychopath.

And yet here she stood, revived, enslaved. A tool in the arsenal of a megalomaniac, forced to fight against the very nation she had lost her life defending. It was a despicable tactic, but he couldn’t fault its effectiveness.

He was falling all to pieces. This was agony.  

She was almost exactly as he remembered. Beautiful, and so, so strong. He hadn’t seen her since he was a child, and… and he was grown now. She had always towered in his memories of her, but now she seemed so small.

“Mother,” he choked out, before his vision went white. Someone had struck a blow to his head from behind. Shino avoided the following blow, which might well have proved fatal.

It was Torune. Kintsugi had cloaked the sound of his approach with genjutsu.

“You must be more careful, Shino. My rinkaichū can make even a glancing blow deadly.”

Shino was well aware of that—had always been, even before his attempts to interbreed the rinkaichū with his own kikaichū, a task he had approached with the utmost care. Before his brother was taken—before Shino had a brother—when father first came home with a boy in a strange mask and declared that cousin Torune would be living with them from now on, the announcement had come with a great many warnings. Be careful not to touch his bare skin, Shino. Be careful not to handle his clothes or toys—not until he learns better control. He could recall how mother’s face would tense when he and Torune stood too closely for her liking, how father would gently separate them. But Torune had won them all over in the end, with his endless patience and gentle spirit.

Those precious few years where they had all been together, as a family, were his very happiest.

Shino whirled around, deflecting a knife thrown by his mother as he weaved through Torune’s guard, delivering a half-hearted blow with the blunt end of his kunai. He disengaged as quickly as possible, back on the defensive, and continued his retreat. It was like a parody of the spars they had done in the past—play-fighting, really. His mother always knew how to make a game of training.

A fire jutsu cut off Shino’s exit, and he body flickered up the rock face, taking a handful shuriken in the back as he ran—the metal mesh woven into his thick jacket absorbed most of the damage.

It wasn’t fair. He knew how pathetic that sounded, but this absolutely wasn’t fair. Bad enough to have lost them both once already—now he was to take their lives a second time, by his own hand?

This was too much to ask of anyone.

…and he only had one seal.

Shino cleared the ledge, vaulting over the rocks at the top and breaking into a sprint. Distance, he needed distance. As it was, the two of them were keeping him in the middle as they attacked, blocked his exits, and whittled away at him. His mother had been a jounin, and Torune, part of a branch of ANBU. In a way, it was impressive he had survived this long. If he didn’t know better, Shino would think they were holding back… but that simply wasn’t possible.

A wall of rinkaichū rose up in front of Shino, herding him to the left, into an obvious ambush. The rocky plateau seemed to warp under his feet, becoming the path leading up to their home, and the scent of some delicious home-cooked meal was in the air no no it was an illusion—

The kikaichū shocked him out of the genjutsu before it could take, but even that short glimpse had him hesitating long enough for Kintsugi to close the distance between them. She slashed up at his cheek, going for his eyes, and out of surprise from the sheer viciousness of her strike, he retaliated with an absolutely brutal kick. He could feel her ribs snapping. She smiled proudly at him even as she slid backwards. Had she been trying to goad him into such a counterattack? 

“A few more blows like that, and this will be over. I know you can do it, Rolypoly.”

Why did she keep saying that? Didn’t she see that he couldn’t?

Then Torune approached from behind, and Shino was trapped all over again. At least until a bright yellow flash appeared, grabbed him under the arm, and hauled him away—just as Kintsugi and Torune’s attacks converged, where he had been standing a moment before. Shino peered at the figure, glowing with a familiar chakra.

“Naruto?” he asked. The boy shook his head before setting him down.

“A shadow clone,” his classmate explained.

Shino came shakily to his feet.

“I sensed your chakra and it felt like you were in trouble, so I came running,” the clone of Naruto said, grinning. “Looks like I came just in time, huh?”

Shino grimaced. He was exhausted, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Still, some part of him wanted to smile—Naruto coming to his rescue, remembering his chakra signature… it was a far cry from the boy who didn’t even remember his name, let alone the prankster he’d been in the academy. Shino was glad his friend was here, even if it was only a shadow clone.

“Those reanimated guys… they looked a little like you,” the clone said. Shino nodded grimly.

“It would be odd if they did not. Why, you ask? Because they are my family.”

The shadow’s clone’s slight smile faded. The look he gave Shino then was sad and understanding, full of empathy.

“The woman… my mother, is a jounin level combatant, specializing in ninjutsu and genjutsu. The other is Torune. The jutsu he’s preparing, a poisonous cloud of insects, will devastate our forces if it is allowed to trigger—these same insects cover his body as well, so you must be careful not to touch him.”

The clone rubbed the back of his head, as if pondering the situation.

“Well, I go poof if I get hit anyway, so all I have to do is not get hit, ya know? Not too different from normal. And, hey, Shino. How about I distract the purple one for a while? Buy you a little time?”

Shino would never admit this out loud, but Naruto had developed some measure of… emotional perceptiveness. He was deeply grateful.

“Thank you,” he said, and Naruto flashed him a grin and a thumbs up before taking off in Torune’s direction.

He was alone for only a short while before Kintsugi appeared.

“Was that the Uzumaki boy? It is good to see he made something of himself.”

Shino almost laughed at her conversational tone. She sounded as if— as if they just happened to not have seen each other in a while, and she had stopped by to catch up on gossip.

“He is surprisingly formidable,” he replied. It wasn’t quite as convincing. There was too much pain in his voice.

“Then he should have no trouble holding Torune off, for a time,” she said, running through a blindingly quick series of hand seals. “You must finish this now.”

She was right, he knew.

Shino took a deep breath, and steeled himself. His kikaichū were an ineffective countermeasure against Torune, but his allies would have no such trouble facing Kintsugi.

The fire jutsu his mother unleashed, a white-hot whip that snaked along the ground, found no target but the open air. Shino practically flew past her, scattering kikai to dampen his chakra signature, utilizing every stealth technique he had ever learned as he hid himself among the rocks and crevices of the uneven terrain. As he darted through cover, insect clone after insect clone emerged, forming a rough circle around Kintsugi. Her fire whip crackled, slicing through two of his clones, then three, leaving the air stinking of burnt chitin. The beetles unharmed by her attack swarmed her, draining her chakra in tiny increments even as she fled faster than they could follow.

Fled, right into his hastily constructed traps. Most of them she managed to avoid. Some misfired, sending their projectiles sailing harmlessly into the distance. But a handful successfully ensnared her, and that was enough.

Here, a length of razor wire cut into the flesh of her calf. There, a kunai buried itself deep into her shoulder. She seemed to be trying to suppress her cries of pain, all for his sake. It was astonishingly difficult to watch.

Not as difficult as it would be to inflict such damage with his own hands, however. And as his supplies rapidly depleted, he knew he would soon have to do just that. He only had the single sealing tag, and it must be applied manually.

But first, he had to disable her.

His chance came when his mother stumbled, the injury to her leg finally catching up with her. He tossed his last knife at her uninjured leg, giving away his position to hopefully immobilize her.

“Please forgive me,” he muttered, as his remaining clones burst, sending their payload of destruction beetles ripping and tearing their way into Kintsugi’s limp form.

“Oh, Rolypoly,” she said, right behind his ear.

She had substituted away—

A knife buried itself in his gut, and twisted.

“There is nothing at all to forgive. Do what you must to this resurrected body. But no matter what, you must live, Shino. Do you understand?”

He only had a moment.

There was no time to say any of what he wanted. No time to tell her how much she meant to him. No time to tell her about his team, about his accomplishments, about how Father was faring, about the state of her jewelry store. There was so much he wanted to say. So much to discuss, from petty little topics, to the most profound.

But he only had a moment.

He turned and wrapped his arms around her, pressing the red seal into the small of her back. He could feel blood oozing from his wound, but didn’t let go of her, not even to apply pressure to it. For a moment, Kintsugi grappled with him, and Shino could almost trick himself into believing she was returning his embrace.

Almost.

Then, travelling outwards from the seal, white script began to rapidly cover his mother’s body, and she went limp his arms. Suddenly, he couldn’t support her weight. When he released her, she crumpled, and was still.

There was nothing but the sound of his own labored breathing.

He clutched at his jacket.

His mother didn’t move. She— she wasn’t moving anymore. He was shaking.

Shino fell to his knees and let out a low, distressed noise—even to his own ears, he sounded like a wounded animal. Gently, he touched his mother’s face.

“Mother?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She was unresponsive, her eyes glassy as she stared through him.

“M-mother?” he repeated. “Can you hear me?”

…

There was no time for this now, he knew.

Sparing Kintsugi one last glance, Shino Aburame ran—either he would help his friends put an end to this war and succeed, or he would join Torune and his mother.

No matter how it ended, there was no room in his hearts for regrets.

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 18

We woke up around eleven the next morning, and I couldn’t even look at Lauren straight in the face. I was still embarrassed and pissed about the events that had occurred at the end of the previous night, we only talked the necessary about our plans for the day and for lunch, which we had all together by the way. I came back from the dining hall straight to my room, where I instantly started to narrate what had happened to two of my friends from home. They encouraged me to go talk to Lauren about it, to say how I was feeling and maybe decide something for real this time.

In the short time that everything had happened between me and her, and the times we had to really stop and talk about it, I was the one to have the initiative every time, and that frustrated me more than anything. I was already tired of it. Because my pride was huge, although I didn’t have a problem in overcoming it for a greater good, but it gets tiring to be the only one to make an effort to solve problems or make amends or whatever has to be done. I remember saying that to them, that I really needed Lauren to do something on her own but little did I know that that feeling would be a constant in my relation with her. I was sure that Lauren left my room that morning knowing that we had to talk about it some time, and I was left there knowing I had to be the one to take the first step.

It sucked.

I didn’t want to at first, but my friends convinced me to do it anyway. I was mad about everything, it was such a difficult time in my life and I didn’t want the extra pressure, even though Lauren was my remedy more often than not, I needed to know what was up with her, with us. What she would like to happen in the future regarding our relationship. And don’t get me wrong, at the time I was okay with just being friends, even if in my perfect world we would be more than that, and I didn’t want to stay away from Lauren because of everything we’ve been through together and everything she had helped me with. I was okay with the weirdness now if I knew it was only temporary, and getting used to not being too close to her.

It had only been three months that we knew each other and I surely could live without all that stuff I had with her because I had been living my entire life so far without it, I just had to endure a few days of loneliness and weirdness and maybe a little heartbreak, but soon I would be back to my old life. I only knew that because I had been through it that first time, it may seem like the end of the world but it’s not. The human being has the ability to adapt to anything, in the same way I got attached to her and that changed my routine, I would be able to go back to what it was before her or get used to whatever was going to happen in the end.

What I was not okay with was the nagging feeling of being confused and frustrated all the time because that was all Lauren made me feel when we had trouble in paradise. When I thought that things were getting better, whether I would still be kissing Lauren or not, something would happen and everything would go down the drain, and I absolutely hated that. I was pissed and I’d speak to her and get it over with, because at that point it was more than me wanting that, I needed that, stability, I needed to know for sure what she wanted to do because I was never sure of anything in my life, but that had to end there and this time there would be no turning back, no more getting closer again and forgetting all that’d happened, forgetting the limits and what we had settled and then it would all happen again like an endless cycle. The only word I had in mind was finality, whatever that meant.

Camila (12:16 pm): hey

Lauren (12:20 pm): hey, ow, let’s go

Lauren (12:20 pm): do you know tony hawk? hahaha

Lauren (12:20 pm): hi camz

Camila (12:21 pm): the skater one?

Lauren (12:22 pm): yess

Lauren (12:22 pm): it’s the song from the game

Lauren (12:22 pm): i was such a sk8ter girl lol

Camila (12:22 pm): i used to play that a lot

Camila (12:23 pm): it was awesome

Camila (12:23 pm): but let’s get to the point

Lauren (12:23 pm): speak up, i knew this was coming by the way

Camila (12:24 pm): it has to

Camila (12:24 pm): otherwise i’ll die here alone

Camila (12:24 pm): little by little each day

Lauren (12:24 pm): that’s awful

Camila (12:25 pm): sorry about yesterday, i don’t know if i forced anything but for me it was pretty clear that you wanted it

Camila (12:25 pm):  and then that happened

Camila (12:25 pm): and i get confused

Camila (12:25 pm): nothing about this was what we had settled

Camila (12:25 pm): from beginning to end

Camila (12:25 pm): since i’ve been going through this in my life with my grandma

Camila (12:26 pm): i really appreciate that, god knows that i don’t have words and it’ll never be enough for me to thank you

Camila (12:26 pm): even if i don’t say it

Camila (12:26 pm): but then we got back to being what we were before

Camila (12:26 pm):  and i know you’re reaaalllyyy confused

Camila (12:27 pm): and i’m sure that most of it is because you’re scared about losing our friendship

Camila (12:27 pm): i’m sure of it

Camila (12:27 pm): but then you give me all the signs

Camila (12:27 pm): and i don’t know what to do, i’m just following my needs

Camila (12:28 pm): but after yesterday i don’t know about anything anymore and i don’t want to keep doing this

Camila (12:28 pm): if you need space you’ll have space

Camila (12:28 pm): because i don’t know until when i’m gonna keep up with this and awkward situations like yesterday are going to happen

Camila (12:28 pm): and i hate it

Camila (12:28 pm): now talk

Lauren (12:33 pm): i agree that everything is back to what it were and yes i’m really confused, but i really wanted it yesterday and i know it was clear, i really thought we were going to make out again, but when it was going to happen you turned to the other side and i understood it like you wanted it but were not going to do anything because of what we had settled

Lauren (12:33 pm): for real, i didn’t get anything that happened yesterday

Lauren (12:33 pm): and i swear i don’t know what to do

Lauren (12:34 pm): to be honest, i wanted to kiss you for a long time yesterday

Lauren (12:34 pm): and that happens many times during the day

Lauren (12:34 pm): I really don’t know what to do

Lauren (12:34 pm): really

Lauren (12:35 pm): obviously the first thing that comes to mind is our friendship

Lauren (12:35 pm): but what i feel with you is too good to simply ignore too

Lauren (12:35 pm): but i understand what you said

Lauren (12:38 pm): i know you hate that

Lauren (12:37 pm): so it’s gonna be like you said

Camila (12:38 pm): actually i was really scared of doing anything yesterday

Camila (12:38 pm): i was holding myself

Camila (12:38 pm): and with ally here it just made everything worse

Camila (12:39 pm): but it was all a misunderstanding

Camila (12:39 pm): i was gonna kiss you yes

Camila (12:39 pm): but when i got closer you turned your face

Camila (12:39 pm): and i got it that you didn’t want to

Lauren (12:39 pm): No

Camila (12:39 pm): that’s why i turned to the other side

Lauren (12:39 pm): hahahaha

Lauren (12:39 pm): i didn’t want it to stop

Camila (12:40 pm): that’s why i got confused and ‘angry’

Camila (12:40 pm): because you did everything right to do that to me in the end

Camila (12:40 pm): and i don’t know until when i’ll handle it

Lauren (12:40 pm): angry your ass, i’m gonna go there to beat you up

Camila (12:40 pm): two idiots

Lauren (12:40 pm): no shit, not at all, you got everything wrong

Camila (12:40 pm):  but it’s too complicated

Camila (12:40 pm): i was really scared

Camila (12:40 pm): reeeallyy

Lauren (12:41 pm): i know it is

Lauren (12:41 pm): i know

Camila (12:41 pm): of ruining everything

Lauren (12:41 pm): you were not going to ruin anything

Lauren (12:41 pm): seriously

Lauren (12:41 pm): do you think i would do all of that

Lauren (12:41 pm): to act like a pussy when the time comes

Lauren (12:42 pm): that’s why i didn’t understand why you turned

Lauren (12:42 pm): i knew you wanted it too

Lauren (12:42 pm): and then i moved and you turned to the other side and i was like: ?

Camila (12:42 pm): i don’t know, because you’re confused?!

Camila (12:42 pm): you might want it, but not want it, you know

Camila (12:42 pm): i turned because i thought you had given up

Lauren (12:42 pm): i see

Camila (12:43 pm): asshole

Camila (12:43 pm): i still lost a good amount of sleep because of that situation

Lauren (12:44 pm): i’m gonna tell you something about me

Camila (12:44 pm): and i think about kissing you all the time too, so much that makes me angry

Lauren (12:44 pm): i don’t play games, if it seems like i want it, it’s because i want it

Lauren (12:44 pm): period

Lauren (12:45 pm): you don’t get to think otherwise

Camila (12:45 pm): noted

Lauren (12:45 pm): hahaha i know, it’s the same with me

Camila (12:45 pm): that’s why when we talked about it i said stop everything

Camila (12:45 pm): because it just tortures me

Lauren (12:46 pm): :(

Lauren (12:46 pm): then we do that

Lauren (12:46 pm): we can’t just say ‘’let it happen’’ because i think it’s gonna be worse

Lauren (12:47 pm): we can barely hold ourselves together when we’re close

Lauren (12:47 pm): and if this is bad for you we’re not gonna keep doing it

Camila (12:47 pm): what do you wanna do?

Lauren (12:48 pm): i don’t know

Lauren (12:48 pm): it’s just like

Lauren (12:50 pm): it sucks putting a limit to what we can and cannot do

Camila (12:50 pm): yeah

Lauren (12:51 pm): because everything i’ve done so far was natural and it seems that when we put a limit it gets weird

Lauren (12:51 pm): kind of forced

Lauren (12:51 pm): i don’t know how to explain

Lauren (12:51 pm): but i got it that it makes you feel bad

Lauren (12:51 pm): i don’t want that

Lauren (12:52 pm): so we need to stop with the physical contact

Lauren (12:52 pm): because we can’t handle it

Camila (12:52 pm): put a knife in my heart and it’s gonna hurt less than that lol

Lauren (12:52 pm): don’t say that

Lauren (12:53 pm): see

Camila (12:53 pm): what are you afraid of?

Lauren (12:53 pm): i don’t want you being like that because of me

Lauren (12:53 pm): i’m not afraid of anything

Lauren (12:53 pm): my only concern is hurting you

Camila (12:53 pm): i’m not thinking about anything else

Camila (12:53 pm): only that when i feel like kissing you for example, i won’t have to put on my resting bitch face because I can’t

Camila (12:54 pm): and now i know that you want the same

Lauren (12:54 pm): JESUS THE RESTING BITCH FACE IS EXPLAINED

Lauren (12:54 pm): can’t believe it

Camila (12:54 pm): lmao

Camila (12:54 pm): a stronger resting bitch face*

Camila (12:54 pm): the resting bitch face is natural

Camila (12:54 pm): i was born with it

Lauren (12:54 pm): hahahahahahha

Lauren (12:54 pm): idiot

Lauren (12:55 pm): anyways

Lauren (12:55 pm): what’s up?

Lauren (12:55 pm): what’s the deal?

Lauren (12:55 pm): you decide camz

Camila (12:55 pm): don’t say that

Lauren (12:55 pm): i’m saying it haha

Lauren (12:55 pm): no whatevers

Camila (12:56 pm): oh god

Camila (12:56 pm): you don’t even know what you want

Camila (12:56 pm): let alone me

Camila (12:56 pm): but wait

Lauren (12:56 pm): i’m chill

Camila (12:56 pm):  i don’t wanna stop with the contact

Lauren (12:56 pm): you don’t have to decide now

Lauren (12:56 pm): if you don’t want to

Camila (12:56 pm): even though it’s the most reasonable

Camila (12:56 pm): shush

Lauren (12:56 pm): mhm

Camila (12:57 pm): but then it’s not like I have a place to run to

Camila (12:57 pm): I’m gonna see you everyday

Camila (12:57 pm): and we’re gonna hang out together

Camila (12:57 pm): and it’ll be this weird atmosphere

Camila (12:57 pm): and i’ll be torturing myself

Camila (12:57 pm): if we’re gonna stop it for good we’re gonna stop with all of this

Camila (12:58 pm): seriously

Camila (12:58 pm): and each one carry on with their life

Camila (12:58 pm): if not, it’s gonna stay like it is and the only words i can express is ‘let it happen’, unfortunately

Lauren (12:58 pm): but the way it is, is not good for you, isn’t it?

Camila (12:59 pm): it’s not good because i can’t kiss you

Camila (12:59 pm): just that

Lauren (12:59 pm): Camz you haven’t decided anything, you gave me two options

Camila (12:59 pm): but it’s not just about me, Lauren

Camila (01:00 pm): i’m saying that i like you

Lauren (01:00 pm): so

Camila (01:00 pm): the options are

Camila (01:01 pm): stop with everything for good

Camila (01:01 pm): or let it happen

Camila (01:01 pm): i wanna let it happen

Lauren (01:01 pm): My fear of this let it happen is that we’ll do everything we want to without thinking about anything, wonderful, and yes i want that too

Lauren (01:01 pm): but my fear is that one of us, for some reason at some point get hurt by that

Camila (01:02 pm): i know

Camila (01:02pm): i’m scared of that too

Camila (01:02 pm): but i just wanna live

Lauren (01:02 pm): us both

Camila (01:02 pm): i don’t wanna hold myself back from things i want to do cause i’m scared of something happening

Camila (01:02 pm): shit happens with everyone

Camila (01:02 pm): we get hurt everyday

Lauren (01:03 pm): you’re so right

Camila (01:03 pm): we get sad because of so many things

Camila (01:03 pm): i just wanted to live something good

Camila (01:03 pm): but then i don’t get it if you want that or not

Camila (01:03 pm): even if you want to keep doing this

Lauren (01:03 pm): i want to

Lauren (01:04 pm): we can’t live fearing things, we don’t even know what could happen tomorrow

Lauren (01:06 pm): i just don’t want to hurt you

Lauren (01:06 pm): just that

Camila (01:06 pm): forget about this thing of hurting me

Camila (01:06 pm):  for god’s sake

Camila (01:07 pm): you only make me feel good

Camila (01:07 pm): and if at one point something happens

Camila (01:07 pm): patience

Camila (01:07 pm):  that’s what living is

Camila (01:07 pm):  it doesn’t mean anything

Lauren (01:08 pm): haha what a philosopher

Lauren (01:08 pm): so okay

Lauren (01:08 pm): the i think we have a deal

Camila (01:09 pm):  that would be?

Camila (01:09 pm):  just live?

Lauren (01:10 pm): haha yes

Camila (01:11 pm): can i come by to kiss you?

Camila (01:11 pm): just to make up for lost time

Lauren (01:12 pm): what

Lauren (01:12 pm): haha

Camila (01:12 pm): yes or no?

Lauren (01:12 pm): hmmmm

Lauren (01:12 pm): i’m kidding

Lauren (01:12 pm): yes

That was my finality, and to my surprise it was what I wanted really. I was taken aback by all of Lauren’s words because I honestly didn’t expect it. I was torn before going to talk to her because I knew I just needed those feelings to end for good, and in my head that meant that we would have to stop doing that and not the other way around. Lauren had just ended a relationship and there I was, a girl, making her feel things that made her confused which was making me confused in return. I had started the conversation with my mind convinced that it was the end and not sure about what Lauren was feeling about that, about me, about the other night, again, but I was okay with that, like I said, I just wanted stability and finality, whatever that meant. But then the conversation took a different path and there we were. It seemed like a good end for me, the unexpected ones are always the best.

  I waited a few minutes before going there, I needed to regain my composure first. I was never that bold before, like asking if could go there to kiss her?! What the hell! Maybe the exchange was making me change in ways I didn’t predict, or maybe I didn’t know myself well enough before. I went to brush my teeth first because like hell I would come up with all of that audacity and show up at Lauren’s door with bad breath. And I tried to prolong the time as much as I could because of my nervousness, but it was just Lauren, it should be fine.

  After waiting the most I could, I made my way to Lauren’s door. I knocked and heard her say it was open. I think had never been so embarrassed in life, Lauren was sitting cross-legged on the bed chewing a gum that I knew she did it because of her breath as well, she was so confusing but so predictable sometimes.The first thing I did was throw my body on her bed because I didn’t have the guts to do anything else in the moment. Lauren showed me a huge grin while I buried my face in her pillow to wait for my shyness to pass. After a few moments of us both just getting accustomed with each other’s presence after that conversation, I stood up to stop in front of her on the bed. We leaned in closer with stupid smiles on our faces, I’m sure I looked like a tomato too.

  “Take your glasses off, I don’t want that to get in the way,” Lauren put the item on the duvet as I grabbed her neck and pulled her close. There it was again, all the build up frustration from the night before, all of the words uttered by Lauren about how she thought about kissing me the other day and that it happens all the time too. It was all leaking through our kisses and touches.

  “Are you calmer now?” She asked with a smirk on her face. She must have sensed my frustration.

  “Yeah, asshole!”

  We spent the entire day together. Literally. I studied there, and I don’t even remember getting out of the room to eat and I surely don’t remember Ally or Dinah. We talked about everything and anything, we kissed for the times we didn’t get to, we talked about how sad I was because they wouldn’t get to meet my grandma and she told me they already did, through me. I couldn’t sleep there because of her roommate but overall it was a happy ending. For that day, of course. We had decided to ‘let it happen’, which was a lot different from our ‘don’t get too close to each other’ thing, and I didn’t know what to expect. Chances were shit would happen again and I would think about what to do when it happened. Sure I was happy that things turned out the way I wanted but I was not naive, life is unpredictable and it didn’t change the fact that Lauren was still confusing, so you never knew what would happen the next day, but I was still happy because I wanted to live that, I chose to live that without fearing the tomorrow, and I had to trust her when she said she wanted that too.

 A/N: good camren moments ahead :D

[lisalennonofficial]

For those of us who live our lives in the real world, there is one branch of philosophy created just for us: Stoicism.

A brief synopsis and definition on this particular school of Hellenistic philosophy: Stoicism was founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC, but was famously practiced by the likes of Epictetus, Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. The philosophy asserts that virtue (such as wisdom) is happiness and judgment should be based on behavior, rather than words. That we don’t control and cannot rely on external events, only ourselves and our responses.

Stoicism has just a few central teachings. It sets out to remind us of how unpredictable the world can be. How brief our moment of life is. How to be steadfast, and strong, and in control of yourself. And finally, that the source of our dissatisfaction lies in our impulsive dependency on our reflexive senses rather than logic.

Stoicism doesn’t concern itself with complicated theories about the world, but with helping us overcome destructive emotions and act on what can be acted upon. It’s built for action, not endless debate.

It had three principal leaders. Marcus Aurelius, the emperor of the Roman Empire, the most powerful man on earth, sat down each day to write himself notes about restraint, compassion, and humility. Epictetus endured the horrors of slavery to found his own school where he taught many of Rome’s greatest minds. Seneca, when Nero turned on him and demanded his suicide, could think only of comforting his wife and friends.

But it is not only those three—Stoicism has been practiced by kings, presidents, artists, writers, and entrepreneurs. Both historical and modern men illustrate Stoicism as a way of life.

Prussian King, Frederick the Great, was said to ride with the works of the Stoics in his saddlebags because they could, in his words, “sustain you in misfortune”. Meanwhile, Montaigne, the politician, and essayist had a line from Epictetus carved into the beam above the study in which he spent most of his time.

The founding fathers were also inspired by the philosophy. George Washington was introduced to Stoicism by his neighbors at age seventeen, and afterward, put on a play about Cato to inspire his men in that dark winter at Valley Forge. Whereas Thomas Jefferson had a copy of Seneca on his nightstand when he died.

The economist Adam Smith’s theories on the interconnectedness of the world—capitalism—were significantly influenced by the Stoicism that he studied as a schoolboy, under a teacher who had translated Marcus Aurelius’ works.

The political thinker, John Stuart Mill, wrote of Marcus Aurelius and Stoicism in his famous treatise On Liberty, calling it “the highest ethical product of the ancient mind.”

Stoicism differs from most existing schools in one important sense: its purpose is a practical application. It is not a purely intellectual enterprise.

It’s a tool that we can use to become better in our craft, better friends, and better people.

It’s easy to gloss over the fact that Marcus Aurelius was the Roman Emperor without truly absorbing the gravity of that position. Emperors were Deities, ordinary men with direct access to unlimited wealth and adulation. Before you jump to the conclusion that the Stoics were dour and sad men, ask yourself, if you were a dictator, what would your diary look like?

Stoic writing is much closer to a yoga session or a pre-game warm-up than to a book of philosophy a university professor might write. It’s preparation for the philosophic life where the right state of mind is the most critical part.

Stoics practiced what is known as “spiritual exercises” and drew upon them for strength.

Let’s look at three of the most important such exercises.

.PRACTICE MISFORTUNE

“It is in times of security that the spirit should be preparing itself for difficult times; while fortune is bestowing favors on it is then is the time for it to be strengthened against her rebuffs.” -Seneca

Seneca, who enjoyed great wealth as the adviser of Nero, suggested that we ought to set aside a certain number of days each month to practice poverty. Take a little food, wear your worst clothes, get away from the comfort of your home and bed. Put yourself face to face with want, he said, you’ll ask yourself “Is this what I used to dread?”

It’s important to remember that this is an exercise and not a rhetorical device. He doesn’t mean “think about” misfortune, he means to live it. Comfort is the worst kind of slavery because you’re always afraid that something or someone will take it away. But if you can not just anticipate but practice misfortune, then chance loses its ability to disrupt your life.

Montaigne was fond of an ancient drinking game where the members took turns holding up a painting of a corpse inside a coffin and cheered “Drink and are merry for when you’re dead you will look like this.”

Emotions like anxiety and fear have their roots in uncertainty and rarely inexperience. Anyone who has made a big bet on themselves knows how much energy both states can consume. The solution is to do something about that ignorance. Make yourself familiar with the things, the worst-case scenarios, that you’re afraid of.

Practice what you fear, whether a simulation in your mind or in real life. The downside is almost always reversible or transient.

.TRAIN PERCEPTION TO AVOID GOOD AND BAD

“Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.” -Marcus Aurelius

The Stoics had an exercise called Turning the Obstacle Upside Down. What they meant to do was make it impossible to not practice the art of philosophy. Because if you can properly turn a problem upside down, every “bad” becomes a new source of good.

Suppose for a second that you are trying to help someone and they respond by being surly or unwilling to cooperate. Instead of making your life more difficult, the exercise says, they’re actually directing you towards new virtues; for example, patience or understanding. Or, the death of someone close to you; a chance to show fortitude.

Marcus Aurelius described it like this:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

It should sound familiar because it is the same thinking behind Obama’s “teachable moments.” Right before the election, Joe Klein asked Obama how he’d made his decision to respond to the Reverend Wright scandal. He said something like‘when the story broke I realized the best thing to do wasn’t damage control, it was to speak to Americans like adults.’ And what he ended up doing was turning a negative situation into the perfect platform for his landmark speech about race.

The common refrain about entrepreneurs is that they take advantage of, even create, opportunities. To the Stoic, everything is an opportunity. The Reverend Wright scandal, a frustrating case where your help goes unappreciated, the death of a loved one, none of those are “opportunities” in the normal sense of the word. In fact, they are the opposite. They are obstacles. What a Stoic does is turn every obstacle into an opportunity.

There is no good or bad to the practicing Stoic. There is only perception. You control perception. You can choose to extrapolate past your first impression (‘X happened.’ –> ‘X happened and now my life is over.’). If you tie your first response to dispassion, you’ll find that everything is simply an opportunity.

Note: This exercise served as the inspiration behind The Obstacle Is The Way.

.REMEMBER—IT’S ALL EPHEMERAL

“Alexander the Great and his mule driver both died and the same thing happened to both.” -Marcus Aurelius

Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself a simple and effective reminder to help him regain perspective and stay balanced:

“Run down the list of those who felt intense anger at something: the most famous, the most unfortunate, the most hated, the most whatever: Where is all that now? Smoke, dust, legend…or not even a legend. Think of all the examples. And how trivial the things we want so passionately are.”

It is important to note that ‘passion’ here isn’t the modern usage we’re familiar with as in enthusiasm or caring about something. As Don Robertson explains in his book, when the Stoics discuss overcoming ‘passions’, which they called patheiai, they refer to the irrational, unhealthy and excessive desires and emotions. Anger would be a good example. What is important to remember, and this is the crucial bit, they seek to replace them with eupatheiai, such as joy instead of excessive pleasure.

Returning to the point of the exercise, it’s simple: remember how small you are. For that matter, remember how small most everything is.

Remember that achievements can be ephemeral and that your possession of them is for just an instant.

If everything is ephemeral, what does matter? Right now matters. Being a good person and doing the right thing right now, that’s what matters and that’s what was important to the Stoics.

Take Alexander the Great who conquered the known world and had cities named in his honor. This is common knowledge. The Stoics would also point out that, once while drunk, Alexander got into a fight with his dearest friend, Cleitus, and accidentally killed him. Afterward, he was so despondent that he couldn’t eat or drink for three days. Sophists were called from all over Greece to see what they could do about his grief, to no avail.

Is this the mark of a successful life? From a personal standpoint, it matters little if your name is emblazoned on a map if you lose perspective and hurt those around you.

Learn from Alexander’s mistake. Be humble and honest and aware. That is something you can have every single day of your life. You’ll never have to fear someone taking it from you or, worse still, it takes over you.

Stoicism is Ideal for the Real World

The Stoics were writing honestly, often self-critically, about how they could become better people, be happier, and deal with the problems they faced. You can see how practicing misfortune makes you stronger in the face of adversity; how flipping an obstacle upside down turns problems into opportunities, and how remembering how small you keep your ego manageable and in perspective.

Ultimately, that’s what Stoicism is about. It’s not some systematic discussion of why or how the world exists. It is a series of reminders, tips, and aids for living a good life.

Stoicism, as Marcus reminds himself, is not some grand Instructor but a balm, a soothing ointment to an injury wherever we might have one. Epictetus was right when he said that “life is hard, brutal, punishing, narrow, and confining, a deadly business.”

We should take whatever help we can get, and it just happens that that help can come from ourselves.

Stoicism For those of us who live our lives in the real world, there is one branch of philosophy created just for us: Stoicism.

[cryptidnerd-blog]

Open World in Final Fantasy XV

Oh Final Fantasy.  You will forever have a special place in my heart; you really were my gateway to RPGs and so important in making me the gamer I am today.  But over the years, the excitement just wasn’t there anymore.  After the release of Final Fantasy XV, however, I cannot say the same. FFXV really breathed new life into the genre, and I think that the open world concept of the game is really what sets it apart. 

This is gonna get kinda definitely lengthy (also spoilers for the game) so I’ll just put the rest under the cut...

For a good portion of the game, FFXV feels less like a classical final fantasy game, and more like a lighthearted adventure with your friends.  While the linear story telling remains a key component, FFXV deviates by providing players a more open world concept.  Players can easy spend countless hours completing side quests, hunting various monsters, exploring optional dungeons, or simply enjoying the scenery while driving a car.  I think I spent a good portion of the early game running around to camping sites to enjoy the lovely meals you can cook.  Ignoring the game play aspects (as that is a whole discussion in and of itself), the real core of what made FFXV successful was how it maintains the open world setting.  

Players have the ability to approach the main story line when they want to, which is a stark difference to other games in the franchise as well as RPGs as a whole.  It is true that optional quests are found in most, if not all, RPGs; however the freedom found in FFXV to simply explore and immerse yourself in the characters really creates a different tone.  While the game is unavoidably linear, a limitation imposed by the genre and in having an extensive plot throughout the game, the road trip aspects make it feel as though the player is in control of how the game progresses.  Optional scenes, customization, and witty dialogue between the characters give a sense of ownership to the game.  Even the photography in the game (of which I am a huge fan, obviously) makes it feel like each encounter with the game will be different.  Having the option to do honestly whatever you want between main story quests is a large part of why the game is so addicting.

Still, all good things must come to an end. This all falls apart in later chapters, specifically after the death of Lunafreya (who’s character I have issues with, but, again, this is for another discussion) which has been an understandable point of complaint for many people.  From that point on, you are shuffled from location to location, from plot point to plot point.  After having so much freedom, returning to the strict linearity found in RPGs is jarring and honestly frustrating.  The game tries to address this by providing you the opportunity to use your time travelling, magical dog to return to the open world game play.  I do not believe this was especially successful, as the tone of the later chapters is inherently different to earlier in the game.  Even the dungeons later in the game are relatively simple and shuffle you to your next objective.  Toward the end, it feels more like a chore to complete the plot, simply trudging along to get to the next cut scene. Perhaps the player is meant to sympathize with the struggles of the characters as their situation gets progressively bleaker.

What could they have done differently though?  It is true that after Luna’s death, there are many plot developments and the loss of the open world makes it easier to keep track of what is going on.  Luna’s death was an important turning point in the game, both in regards to game play and overall tone.  Another important turning point that I feel could have been explored further was after Noctis is released from the crystal after ten years.  Without going into too much detail, the game from this point forward feels rushed.  Noctis reunites with his friends, whom have all aged well considering the endless darkness, gets sweet new duds, has a tearful goodbye at camp, and fights the baddies.  Congratulations, you beat the game.  I propose that the game should have had this strict linear component...for a time. Specifically, I feel that this should be from Luna’s death to Noctis’s return.  After that, the open world game play should return.  This would allow for a perfect foil to early in the game.  At this point, the world has been in constant darkness for ten years, monsters roam everywhere, and resources are scarce.  You get a taste of what the world is like in Hammerhead and Insomnia.  Being able to explore the area that held so many happy memories from earlier would have added to the dark tone and tension of the end game.  For example, I really would have wanted to see what Lestallum looked like, or been able to hunt along with Iris. Not only that, but it would provide Noctis and the gang opportunities for so much character development and growth, including giving Noctis the chance to really grasp how important his sacrifice is.  But alas, these are merely dreams of what could have been.     

Why the game left such a successful part of it toward its conclusion I will never fully understand.  However, incorporating the open world in the majority of the game still gives FFXV a feel that I have not experienced in any other RPG.  In a genre that had steadily been losing favor, this may be a new direction for the genre.  I am excited to see what the coming years bring, both for the franchise and the genre at large.