#so I STILL see animations and go ‘god… they are wayyyyy better than me. why should I try? I’ll never be on that level’

[blueookashi]

I am being so slow at that one Library animation and it’s because that perfectionism of “it HAS to be consistent it HAS to look good!!” Has come back meanwhile I’m working on the god damn STORYBOARD!!!

I am trying so hard to kill that part of my brain that is so ingrained because of past shit, like even if I was at the refinement stage why does it need to look perfect?? This is supposed to be for fun!

[unstabletable69]

Friends on facebook wanted me to write this so I might as well post it everywhere else

SO CATS.

I currently am having a very hard time making eye contact with my own cat. I just look into those wide soulless eyes and see her for what she truly is- an agent of chaos, harbinger of the night; dare I say /jellicle/?

I am writing this after a long quiet drive home from the theater on a dreary night in the dusk of 2019. This is probably going to get rambly as I am not about to draft up some professional quality essay; professionals get paid for their opinions and I do not. So let’s just DIVE RIGHT ON IN.

I’ve done my homework before deciding to go see CATS (2019) and well aware (if not giddy with anticipation) for the spectacle that would fall into my lap nestled gently alongside my 7 dollar small popcorn and 6 dollar soda. It is common place for movie theaters to have cutsey little clips about silencing your cellphone for a movie and for safety reasons they will ask you to be aware of the location of the exits… but tonight folks, these were warnings to myself and my fellow victims- if the 5 Star Wars related clips hadn’t made us change our mind about what theater to be in then surley this would make us consider the safer route.

But we did not. Because we are brave, we are informed, and we are ready.

Here’s the thing- NO ONE IS READY TO SEE THIS NO AMOUNT OF PREPERATION IS GOING TO HELP YOU REALLY GET IT.

Now if you’re really into shock value then perhaps you may want to click that back button and hop out of my rambles because if you plan to see CATS (2019) for this reason then you may as well go in blind.

For those of you who might savor your hard earned dollar or maybe you have witnessed this spectacle then by all means grab a metaphorical stool.

The first scene on the screen is the friken sky and in the sky is this cat face that looks like something I might’ve cooked up in good ole’ PhotoFiltre back in 2003. They might’ve stolen this from my deviantart actually.

Anyway we get some music that kinda jarring and then this car pulls up and people hop out and this bag full of movement is just dumped on the street and all the cats kinda scurry up on their.. two legs to rip open the bag containing a cat named Victoria played by Francesca Hayward… and like honestly she and every actor in this film give 100% to their role (there’s two exceptions and we will cover them). Like it kinda sucks that this is likely gonna be one of those roles people are gonna remember for how jarring the film is. So within the next few minutes it becomes painfully obvious that every single one of these cats wants to bang Victoria! The sexual body language was so heavy handed that I tensed up and may or may not have stayed that way and may or may not still be recovering… it’s hard to say what I /feel/ like right now. I’m not here to give the entire movie away… there’s honestly not an easy way for me to summarize this and if you’re THAT curious you might as well go see it or pirate it. Though there isn’t really a “plot” to spoil and if you know anything about the stage production you may know that there’s never really been a “plot” to cats.

Now we gotta talk about some real highlights.

----------------------------------------- -The MICE- the mice have children faces and voices

-The COCKROACHES MY GOD THE COCKROACHES like human faces, all the flying I HAAAAAAATE cockroaches and this shit made me cringe so bad and then rebel Wilson just casually eating them .

-Jennifer Hudson’s snot trail was a main character honestly.

-THE BODY LANGUAGE… I will beat this with a HAMMER because FUUUUUUUUCK the BODY LANGUAGE- humanoid figures getting all up on each other like this just .. it’s jarring and I’m not sure if the film was misrated or if I am just a horrible pervert… would my mother have casually watched this with child me or would she had forced me to evacuate the room?

-It’s really weird how the boy cats don’t have a much detail in the pelvic region as the girl cats and I honestly think the movie is trying to make furries of us because WHY IS THIS A DETAIL I NOTICED?

-The CG is just crazy… like you need to see this BEFORE the “fixed” version goes out if you’re gonna go for shock value.

-A lot of the songs are honestly pretty good

-I’m pretty sure I can’t look Taylor Swift in the eye now either.

-Taylor swift’s part was hella small btw and honestly if you thought Taylor Swift was going to wreck the movie you’re pretty small minded and couldn’t see that this movie was going to wreck itself. But like… her part was a thing that happened and I am pretty sure the movie wanted us to feel as if it was sexy and maybe the people who left the room were leaving because they were in denial about these new feelings.

-I do have a ship from the movie now… because why the fuck not?

- I feel like I should have a personal cat name and the fact that I’ve made it to 28 years old without finding my cat name is pretty insane… I need to do better in life.

- all the elder actors in this movie gave 50000% like I wouldn’t be shocked if they drank out of saucers to warm up for filming.

- I was personally uncomfortable at how the elder cats looked at one another during some scenes.

- I liked Beautiful Ghosts better than Memories and I don’t really understand why everyone was hyping it so hard.. I can believe that the version in the play IS the BOMB af but as far as the movie? It’s a hard third cause railway cat was the shit. ---------------------------------------------

Overall- I feel like I MIGHT understand what CATS (2019) was going for.

I am a very weird adult as you all probably know- I was also a weird kid. As a weird kid growing up with pet cats I spent a lot of time just playing with the cats, or watching the cats (it was before I had internet ya’ll). And honestly…

I’m pretty sure this is a SPOT on depiction of what cats actually do

random nonsense… they make a lot of noise, or they don’t… they make huge messes or they don’t, they rub up against stuff, they rub up against each other they rub up against themselves, they kill things, they eat things, they run around with no sense of direction, they’re distracted easily and if they could talk they probably would make up words that are somehow adjectives, verbs and nouns all in one word and use it over and over and over again as if it has significant meaning.

So honestly core concept? I think I get it- cats are weird and do what cats do.

I dunno that I could ever sit through the stage production even if it’s leagues better given that it doesn’t really have a plot and it’s a lot of introducing different cats but like… the stage production probably worked because it’s not hard for a theater audience to suspend their disbelief.

When two well costumed actors on a stage rub up against each other your typical theater audience is gonna be like “oh yeah like cats do!” cause they’re used to filling in the blanks and using their imaginations because the stage is limited.

but in film? When you have a CG cross between a cat and human? It’s WAYYYYY harder to suspend that disbelief especially when the graphics are shit and there’s sometimes wedding rings on their hands so a lot of us are like “oh… okay these cats are just all gonna have an orgy I guess…. Okay… that’s uncomfortable”

apparently at some point there was going to be a fully animated cats movie with actual cats or at least just fully animated and that would have been easier to swallow… I think at least then you’re not in this quasi world of “50% real 50% fake”. It’s kind of a bummer that without the stage limitations this movie didn’t bother to do a lot of scene changes it might’ve been fun to see all these peop-cats dancing around different oversized stuff and the movie just didn’t really play with that idea much.

Overall this is just another one of those things that didn’t need a “live action adaptation” and the adaptation didn’t add anything of value to the existing media (looking at you Lion King, Jungle Book, Last Airbender, Lady and the Tramp, etc etc). but at least in this movie’s case it did take SOME risks by just existing where as every damn movie this year (except JoJo Rabbit) has played it so safe that they’re all predictable and forgettable (yeah tbh most of endgame…).

I won’t forget this one and that’s probably because there are some images that will be forever burned into my mind… but I won’t forget it for sure.

Anyway thanks for coming to my -4 pages in Microsoft word- Ted Talk